#sometimes I feel like the only time im ever really happy is when I disappear into a story

[fruitsyrups]

ive crossed over into an alternate dimension where side profiles are somehow sometimes easier to draw than other angles. bodies in side profile however... nooo thank you...

[spill-that-anxietea]

Fuck the post-binge spiral is hitting so hard rn. I am drowning lmao

[littlepuddingsworld]

Alien stage?? I've heard of it... seems mid... 🙄😒

(PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ITS SO FIRE I SWEAR)

It is good tho, if you don't wanna write it at the end of the day then oh well. However!! If you do write something, i will literally worship you /j /t /all jokes aside, any works are welcome with open arms, just make sure to take care of yourself and be careful on not accidentally overwhelming yourself <33

-panna cotta

𝔐𝔜 𝔖𝔄𝔙ℑ𝔒𝔘ℜ

you are actually so right about everything just... ugh😔😔😔 im okay!!! boo,,,, <3333 im just trying to make that my new hyperfix and coquette up my new bloggie a little, since i don't know how to do aesthetic right at least cheesie bot with me again</3 they ignored my blogs so long uh-huh so its a lucky sight<3 but like!!! i still can't let go of the idea of Luka. I love Ivan, don't get me wrong, but Luka is such a diva.

♡ unhealthy relationship, childhood traumas, bad socialization, mild harassment (probably?), drabble

just imagine that this is a closed weird-ish (unique) child whom you have known since childhood, constantly carrying with you because this is the only one who did not have clique with anyone, and at first he kind of resists, but over time just lets you, even looking for you on his own when there is such an opportunity, because the schedule of study in the garden is very loaded - singing, learning to comprehend death, philosophical teachings about accepting death, singing, gymnastics, singing, eating, studying, individual programs - but you still look for each other when it's time to walk-

always.

indoors, in a closed society in which everyone has been with each other for several years, with an ever-decreasing number of "unsuccessful students" and without the opportunity to get to know each other properly, everyone clings to each other like oxygen, especially when studying becomes more and more stressful, but you always find each other in the dining room in the classroom, in the garden - soon everyone in the garden knows that you are close, even if LUKA sometimes keeps especially aloof when you are in the garden among the flowers, but you don't mind knowing his personality. you're just glad you have him.

a friend.

in an atmosphere in which a little more and you will go crazy, in an atmosphere of isolation and pressure, when you awkwardly grab each other's sleeves, trying to say that you are friends, not even really knowing how to be friends or communicate, since aliens have never treated you the way you want to be treated, to have a cold, submissive, soft, but such a living and breathing LUKA is like having something soft and delicate on your hands, like red flowers, but if the flower is red, then LUKA... LUKA is like the sun.

it's cold, but sometimes it's warm, even if you know it's unrealistic; it's so soft and gentle, even though you can't reach it with your hand. you can reach LUKA with your hand - he does not even resist, on the contrary, he sits closer to you with his sleeve in his mouth.

so silly.

but yours.

huddle closer, like red flowers, trying not to get warm, not to hide, finally closing our eyes, knowing that even closing our eyes, nothing will disappear - but for the first time you are happy about it, feeling the body next to you, so soft and obedient, breathing. even if LUKA doesn't like running, he prefers hide-and-seek, you agree to sit with him. aliens, you're even ready to hide from the whole world during his favorite game, and you're ready to show up if it means they won't realize that LUKE was hiding with you and won't go check this place again! and you're ready to give him food, and you hate seeing him so mildly vulnerable, like even a badly fallen branch (but you know they never fall!) could kill him. LUKE is soft, so gentle, so delicate that when he doesn't move for a long time, you can't help but be afraid that something has happened to him.

LUKA doesn't mind. on the contrary, he hates it when you leave without him, when you have fun without him, when you are with others without him - but you don't mind - is it strange? he has no one but you... and perhaps two more children - and rather encourage him to cling if he feels good. after all, isn't this normal? Who will teach you what is "normal"? LUKA is older and understands this better - he looks up with his eyes, drooling on his sleeve, and you just gently snuggle closer to him so as not to disturb him. he is so gentle and small, even if he is taller than you - when did he become like this? he was always so little...

you do not notice at what point you are really inseparable. his hand is in your hand, he is hanging on you, you are almost wearing him, his shoulder is in your shoulder, he is on your chest, you are on his chest, lying together under a tree, lying with your head on each other's shoulder, cuddling, cuddling another, putting your head on your head - over time, personal space becomes more less and less, both in quantity and in time. he's got his heartbeat under your fingers, your own beating to the beat. LUKA looks at you with his eyes, and although there are no tears in them, you still kiss him on the forehead. it's so disgusting that you can't do anything. it's so frustrating that he doesn't even fight, and even though you realize that it's impossible for you to fight, not in this atmosphere and society, he's like a rag.

... it's so weird when he keeps snuggling up to you - and you to him so you're probably no better - even as you get older. he already looks different, children's cheeks and fat disappear, exposing chiseled elegant features full of some gentle sadness of a luxurious but little-lived butterfly, mixed with longing for something long lost and forgotten, and... sun. some kind of sunstone. there is less of that gentle, childlike softness in him, more like fresh milk, - and more of that silent severity, even sharpness. his face changes, he stretches out, his gaze is no longer the same, he no longer drools, does not look into the distance with the same face, does not cling to you like a lost chick, does not look like someone abandoned and unable to survive on his own, the name of which is spinning in your head, but you can't tell, when he puts his head on your chest, but now it doesn't feel like that. it's still your LUKA, but not your LUKA, and you don't know how to explain it to him, especially when he's still looking up from the bottom, as if thinking about something, but now it seems so... strange and distant.

you are not uncomfortable with his touch or proximity, but seeing him like this seems unfamiliar. his gaze changes, his body changes, he is silent with a completely different meaning, and you realize that he has been through too much - now you are old enough to understand this - but you still do not know what you can say or do. you can no longer protect him, give him a portion, hide him in your hands, promise to always be together, kiss him on the forehead, hide behind bushes so that no one finds you while you huddle together as if for the last time - none of this will work.

and you get even more disgusted - from yourself, from the situation, from him - when he tells you "don't worry. I will protect you. I guarantee your safety." with a direct eye-to-eye look because you don't want protection - you want time back, hiding in the bushes and wet spots on you or on his sleeve from saliva. you want to lie under the trees again, tell him about your day, draw and laugh.

you don't want that.

... you only get the point when you watch some person die on stage, but LUKA doesn't look affected, scared, or shocked.

he's the best of his kind - you know that yourself, everyone know it - but it all looks funny and ridiculous when you don't just see strangers dying, but you see your LUKA on that stage.

and you are disgusted and ashamed that the only thing you are happy about is that you are not this dead man on stage and that you are not LUKA's opponent. because you know that no one has a chance.

... well, almost no one.

HYUNA has been special since childhood, and if you could not expect such a performance from LUKA, then you expect everything from her.

[movedtoadifferentspace]

i shifted last night for the first time in 2 years. . .

MOVED TO @kodtheshiftinggodd !

📌 — QUICK RUNDOWN OF MY SHIFTING JOURNEY

umm so i started on shifttok ( unfortunately) back in like november of 2021, i was shifting to naruto. during like 2021-2022 i had experienced a lot of shifts, ranging from weird realities i didn’t plan on going to, only being there for a few moments, not realizing i was there even though i was there for over an hour, and literally shifting while doing dishes. 🧍

sometime in like the summer of 2022 i stopped shifting doing to being in a relationship with this really cringy dude… who like thought i would disappear out of thin air… if i shifted… ( and some shifttok drama that i got brought into, that’s a whole other story if you wanna hear that, the rundown is i got randomly outcasted bc i had BPD and autistic traits ( literally what they said ) ) yeah not my finer moment. anyways, i also just lost a lot of motivation for it. i still hated this reality but i don’t know, shifting just, idk. it took me just a few months ago to realize that the shifttok mean girls who outcasted me, made me feel like i didn’t deserve to shift in some way. ( when i realized that, i realized how fucking stupid that was )

and so i’ve been really reevaluating my journey, spent a lot of time of shiftblr instead of shifttok, even started my own discord to get rid of misinfo!!! which by the way shiftblr has helped me change my mindset SO MUCH! like i’ve been literally a ghost on here but i adore ya’ll so much !!and basically i feel really confident about shifting. i’ve shifted every time i tried, even though it was a very short shift, i have been practicing manifestation, LOA, & meditation and yeah here we are !

🐇 — THE SHIFT ITSELF

so i read something last night on shiftblr, it’ll be linked here, i already was/am in the mindset of “if i try to shift i’m going to fucking shift” like it doesn’t matter to me anymore, i’m doing it. instead of trying every night, i’ve been focused on trying on weekends when i have no responsibilities and such. though throughout this week i have been practicing my meditation/reaching the void state. SO i saw that post and honestly… i wasn’t really like looking to shift, it was a very impromptu thing. i put on a subliminal [ the one i used ] and i went to bed. i was thinking about one my alt realities a better cr though i hate the term better cr where i live in Oregon, and I am a tattoo apprentice, Levi Ackerman from AOT is the one I am apprenticing for. this is really based on me learning how to tattoo and not having to spend time with the AOT cast while also fighting titans and save the world. while that is great, I wanted something chill SO YEAH. I fell asleep to thinking about that… and I shifted. not to that reality but a weird parallel/version of it?

I did this with my first ever shift too. it was almost like a dreamlike reality, but only subtly. soooo I did reality checks.. and it for sure wasn’t a dream. I lived in the apartment above the shop ( which isn’t what i scripted ) and I went down and just went to work with Levi, Hange, and Zeke. I was really on edge though, like “omg i shifted” “i’m literally talking to Levi wtf” like i had no time to process or ground myself so i ended up coming back. but yeah. that’s what happened and i’m determined to get to this ALT reality. ( not in a rushed way, but a ‘i know im going to get there soon’ way )

anyways, that’s my first ever shiftblr post ahhh xxxx

creds to @jolynesmom for their post that i found

ALSO ANY TIPS WILL BE WONDERFUL, i’m literally always looking for things to improve my journey <3 or new things to try at least

happy shifting <3

[love-lilly02]

LILLY PLS IM SUPER DOWN BAD FOR SOME TF141 DRABBLES RN

OK IDEA: HOW THEY SHOW THEIR AFFECTION/LOVE LANGUAGE 💥👊

KEEPING IT BROAD CAUSE I WANNA SEE YOU BE CREATIVE 🤭

MWAH DONT FEEL FORCED EITHER

— 🪿

RAAAA DUCK ANNON IS BACK‼️‼️‼️

i’m so sorry i didn’t see this by the way, i was cleaning😕😕

Anyways we’ll start off with Price, i think he’s definitely a words of affirmation person or gift giving. in the beginning he leaves you small things, a flower (yes, a singular flower.) with a letter saying it’s pretty like you, poems, treats hidden around your room. Once the two of you are together though he’s going all out. Flowers every week (he keeps one so he knows when it’s time to buy more), text messages with poems and paragraphs, date nights, shopping sprees. (emphasis on the shopping, you can look at something for too long and it’s in your apartment the next day.) i also don’t really see price as a touchy person, but he likes when you hold his hand or his arm (imagine period drama arm holding), ESPECIALLY around the boys.

Johnny next, this man is touchy to ALL hell. your on the counter? he’s got your ass. standing there doing ANYTHING? he’s around you, holding your waist, putting his chin on your shoulder, all of the above. In public he’s got your hand, your arm, your waist, any part of you he can grab. he’s also a flirter, to the BIGGEST extent, i mean this man will take one look at you and spew out so many compliments you think he’s got them pre written down. their also never the same compliments, ever. how he has so many you’ll never know. I don’t see him as a gifts person but if you express an intrest in certain things it will pop up from time to time.

Kyle is a bit tricky for me, because i don’t write him often. I think he’s a reassurance person, if you’re not feeling well he’s there or he’ll always say he loves you or something. Definitely someone who believes actions speak louder than words, which means everything in your house is getting done for you. dishes? he washed them an hour ago. trash needs taking out? oh don’t worry love, i got that. He just likes taking care of you, doesn’t really mind the busywork. And don’t you dare feel bad for it, he’s right there scolding you for it, saying that he wants to do those things, that he wants to help you. He’s definitely a clingy person, but not out in public. poor kid’s too shy for that, but at home he’s all over you. his favorite position is to lie with his head on your stomach, watching something on the telly while you read or scroll on your phone. definitely not because he falls asleep easier in that position.

Ghost is my favorite of them all. at first he just ignores you, i mean once this man realizes he has feelings you NEVER see him around😭 and then he gets over himself and somehow apologizes (how he got over himself, we’ll never know) and slowly starts going around you again, but that’s literally it. You don’t think anything else is wrong, wouldn’t even be able to tell something was different if it weren’t for all the people that started going missing. You complain about a co worker? their gone the next morning. some rookie is pissing you off? oddly enough he got deployed and killed in combat. you never understand it, especially when no one questions the disappearances or just where the people went. That’s how ghost loves you, by keeping you happy. Simon on the other hand, takes a much more direct approach with his love. Once ghost is done with his “i’ll kill you if you touch her” bs he’s confessing to you, buying you flowers for the first date (only then, for some reason?) taking you somewhere nice. The whole shabang for his pretty thing. He’s also a nicknames person, some of his favorite being “love, lovie, princess” and sometimes “thing” when you really make him mad. he’s just like kyle, shy in public but a fucking PUPPY at home. you try to get up in the morning, he’s got you trapped under him in seconds. you leave a room, he’s tailing after you, your cooking in the kitchen he’s right behind you, if you don’t yell at him to get off. it’s never suffocating, though. In public he’ll hold your waist or your hand, that’s about it.

i feel like i kind of got off topic at some points but those are hot takes off the top of my head🥳🥳 lmk if yall want an nsfw version

[envy-of-the-apple]

Yandere!Illumi Zoldyck x Reader

I haven’t written my man in soo longg. i claim to be an illumi stan but i only have like two fics for the guy. im so sorry illumi your dead fish eyes are the only eyes for me i swear. Highly inspired by this drabble made by flamingtrash. The way bestie writes illumi just lamenting just sends chills down my spine. 

Target

(Warnings: Yandere, stalking, murder, more stalking, planning to murder, mentions of suicide) 

Kill the husband, do whatever you want to the wife. 

His mission is one of the simpler ones. He considers this busy work. His target is a regular civilian, a break from the numerous other assassins, hit-men, nen-users he typically was hired to do. 

Still, Illumi takes his time, because every target deserves his vigilance, his dedication. It wouldn’t be right to just finish and go. He offers each life respect. 

He remembers the reason why your husband has to die. Bribery, company theft, among many other things. The men who wanted him gone needed for him to disappear completely, not a trace of him left behind. 

He has a feeling you wouldn’t go away just as easily. 

It was a love marriage. You two met right after you graduated college, and it bloomed from there. Coffee dates, light night strolls, candlelight dinners. Domestic activities. 

You loved your husband. Though Illumi isn’t intimate with the feeling, it’s clear to anyone who’s willing to watch. You’d been married for years, yet you still get so flustered at the mention of him. Twiddling thumbs, nervous laughter. 

Your husband loves you too. Maybe just as much. He’s not as quick to show it. He’s close to inheriting the company from his father. He has a lot of work to do. It’s probably why he’s doing so many gray things. Your husband is stressed. He knows one day this will all catch up to him. 

That day came when Illumi was handed 20 million jennies and a picture. 

He watches because making it look like an accident is much harder to accomplish than it sounds. He considers pinning the blame on you, before he discards the thought. Insufficient. 

But you really did love your husband. He isn’t usually so interested in his target’s marital affairs but he thinks he admires your loyalty. You’re so loving to him. Despite the busy lives you two lead, you manage to still think about him. 

Like today, when you’re setting up the breakfast table. You place two bowls, despite the fact your husband’s still asleep in the bed you two share. 

He’s been busy lately, constantly running from meeting to meeting. After a bit of scouting Illumi realizes that he’s only ever in two places: at the office, or in bed with you. Sometimes, just twice since Illumi has been observing, your husband crawls into a dark alley, filled with underdwellers, whispering about their latest schemes. He barely has time for breakfast. 

A routine is being set in place. You make two plates, continuing to bustle away in the kitchen as you wait for him. He’ll leave in a hurry, as he always does, yelling out a ‘bye darling’ before slamming the door shut. You’ll come out of the kitchen a few minutes later to see the bowls untouched, and then you’ll frown. Like you always do. 

And that worries Illumi because when your husband is gone and if you start putting together the pieces: always rushing everywhere, constantly being stressed, not eating breakfast anymore. He’d rather you be in the dark. He’d rather not waste his time killing you too. He wants you to play the part he set out to you; the heartbroken wife wondering how her husband could do this to himself when he was always so happy. 

Today, Illumi decides to intervene when your husband leaves like that for the fifth day in a row. You hadn’t even realized the intruder when he casually steps into the dining room, too busy in the kitchen. He decides to dispose of your husband’s bowl in the bushes, where the stray cats can have their fill. It’s clean when Illumi drops the dish back to its place on the table. 

You come out a few minutes later when Illumi safely retracts to his usual hiding spot. He watches you keenly, noting the perceived disappointment you have on your face like you’re already preparing yourself. 

And then you stop, staring at the empty bowl. 

A soft smile adorns your face. Your eyes crinkle. 

You look so happy, as you sit down, eating your own breakfast. It confuses him, just how happy a small action made you. 

It didn’t matter. This was good. If he kept this up, your husband’s demise would be a heartbroken tragedy, rather than suspected foul play. He shouldn’t be bothered by the details. 

Days later, he still thinks about your smile.

He watches you more than he does his target. 

Illumi can’t help himself. You’re so distracting. He doesn’t understand why. He should have been done with this mission weeks ago but he’s still here because he can’t understand you. 

You’re normal by any standard. Completely average. You work a desk job, and come back home when you get off the clock. You have normal friends. You have a normal family. Nothing you do should surprise him. 

But you do, nearly every day. He realizes you have these faces you show to others. Towards your co-workers, you’re polite and resigned. People who you’re closer to, family, close friends, your husband, you’re more sincere. You smile more. It’s fascinating to watch you switch depending on who you interact with. 

It shouldn’t matter because everyone has different faces. Everyone does this, this is basic socialization in regard to his targets. You aren’t special. 

Sometimes, Illumi catches himself wondering what face you would show him if you two ever met. 

You’re so disgustingly normal as you sit in the living room of your house, watching a TV show he hardly cares about. You don’t seem to care either, more interested in babbling on the phone to your friend about some nonsense at work. 

He should just kill you off too. It would be easier, less work on his part. It’s not like his clients care about what he does with you. You are an anomaly, but in the grand scheme of things, you are dispensable, irrelevant to his job. You won’t matter. 

You shouldn’t matter. 

You’re clumsy, it’s a common trait Illumi has noticed. You show your skill off almost every day. Take this moment, for instance, as you get up, you nearly drop your phone, catching it in the knick of time. You laugh to your friend about it in relief and Illumi thinks you wouldn’t be a good fit within his family. He strangely doesn’t mind your helplessness, however. 

He catches himself again. He curses. He really should just kill you. 

It’d be so easy to, it’s not like you made it hard. You don’t have any combat experience, you don’t even realize he’s there, right behind you, watching you work away in the kitchen as you continue to talk to your friend in utter obliviousness. 

He’s close enough to smell your perfume. 

When you turn, he’s back in his perch, onlooking the window. As usual, you don’t spot any evidence of the stranger being in your home, close enough to touch you. You continue stirring away a dish, still on the phone. 

He really should just kill you. 

Illumi thinks your friends serve their purpose. 

Since he is unable to interrogate you, your friends do it for him. They get you drunk in the restaurant you three had booked weeks ago, tipsy on a strain of alcohol he’d barely consider strong. It’s enough to spill your deepest secrets he could never uncover himself. A childhood past files could never tell him. 

Your friend makes a comment about how the kid version of you would probably be scandalized at how you turned out. A slurred laugh bubbles out of your lips. Illumi thinks it’s the prettiest sound he’s ever heard. 

“You sound just like my husband,” You say with mirth. Your friend frowns. 

“Speaking of him…are the two of you okay? He didn’t show up to the dinner party last week.” Your husband hadn’t. Instead, he’d left you alone while he went to go and make more blood money. You frown, like you’re remembering it too. 

“Yeah,” You murmur, “He’s been busy lately. It’s something at work.” 

“Has he been specific?” Another friend presses. You look pensive. 

“Not really,” You respond. They frown at eachother, casting a knowing look. 

“Stop,” You say, your voice losing all humor, “It’s not like that. You two think so lowly of him. He’s not that kind of man.” And it’s true. Your husband doesn’t cheat. He bribes and launders instead. 

“He’s been…really tired lately. He sleeps like a rock all night, but in the morning it looks like he hadn’t even gotten a wink. His eye bags have eye bags.” You frown, taking another sip of your drink. “I always feel so guilty, like I should be doing something.” 

“Have you tried speaking to him about it?” One asks.  

You smile without mirth. 

“He doesn’t talk to me. Sometimes-sometimes I feel like he really wants to, but is afraid to, which is so stupid. It’s like he doesn’t know that I’ll love him no matter what he does.” 

Illumi believes you. He really does. He suddenly realizes that if your husband admitted everything he’s been doing right now; you’d forgive him, you’d accept him, you’d still love him.

You’re so loyal to him. Only him. Even when your husband doesn’t really deserve it, it was love. True love. 

That’s why he was so drawn to you. He wanted a wife just like you. Hell, if he had a perfect wife, he’d launder, and bribe, and steal to keep you too. 

He leaves after that. The mystery was solved. He could finally complete his mission. 

He wastes no time getting to your home, getting to his target. 

Killing the man was easy. Illumi barely breaks a sweat. Your husband is dead, and at his feet, within seconds. 

Then he waits. 

He waits for you to come home, he waits for you to see the scene. He decides that he’ll let you grieve for thirty seconds. Half a minute, before he breaks your neck, and then you’ll join your beloved. 

He isn’t usually so gracious, but he feels indebted to you. He’s grateful that you showed him that something like this exists. Utter devotion. He wants someone like you in his life. Someone who will smile and laugh and be intertwined with him, forever. 

He’ll pay it back by giving you time with your husband. It’s the least he can do. 

The door clicks an hour later. He patiently waits. Waits for you to see your lover, waits for you to scream, waits for you to see him. He’ll give you thirty seconds. Just thirty seconds. 

Forty-five seconds pass. 

Your eyes meet his first. 

You smile. 

“Hey.” 

You’re intoxicated. He can smell the wine from your lips as you stumble forward, lightly tripping on your heels. He’s close enough that you fall into him. He could have moved away, avoiding your clumsy body, letting you fall on a heap to the floor. 

He’s never minded your clumsiness. 

Illumi stays, gently pressing his fingertips into your shoulders, stabilizing you. You’re so soft under his touch. Delicate. He’s suddenly afraid a single move might snap you in half. 

You laugh, and although your voice is heavy with alcohol, it’s so light and free. You look at him, really really look at him. Your eyes are glimmering and he’s wondering if the night sky itself was etched into your eyes. 

“My hero,” You say so so lovingly and it clicks. 

You think he’s your husband. 

Why else would you be so happy? You can’t see him that well, not with your poor eyesight, an average human’s ability. Not when you’re so drunk off of the sweet wine he can practically taste from your lips. 

You don’t see the dead body right at your feet. You just see Illumi. 

Still, he doesn’t pull away. You don’t either, choosing to wrap your arms around his waist, drawing him closer. You’re so warm. You fit perfectly against his body. 

If he presses himself any closer, if he brings his hand up, right by your neck, and squeezes just so slightly, he’d be able to feel all of you. The blood pumping in your veins, sending oxygen, nutrients, everything that keeps you here. You’re alive. You aren’t dead, not yet. That’s why you’re so warm, not a cold corpse. 

He thinks he prefers you this way. 

“Sorry I was so late,” You’re slurring your words, but he understands them anyway, “I hadn’t seen the girls in a while. Hope you’re not too mad.” 

He doesn’t reply. You don’t seem to care, pressing up against him again. It feels so intimate, he’s not used to this. For once, in the many years he’s lived without doubt, he’s stuck. 

You managed to do that to him. Disarm him. You are surely the most dangerous opponent he’s had to face. 

You’re pulling away, a pout on your lips. 

“I knew it, you are mad,” You sigh, “Is there any way you can forgive me? Maybe…” 

You don’t finish your sentence, pressing up, messily pressing your warm lips to his. He’s kissed before, he’s not unnerved to the notion of touch, contact. 

But he can taste the ambrosia on your tongue. It’s addictive. 

“Sorry,” You whisper when you pull away. He doesn’t want you to. “I’m sorry.” 

You’re looking at him again, and your eyes are simmering, smoldering with a feeling that looks so dirty. You’re looking at him with absolute adoration and he strangely feels like he’s about to break. 

“You forgive me, right?” 

He makes his decision when you intertwine your hand in his, leading him to your bedroom. He makes sure you avoid stepping over your husband, guiding you away from the body. You’re giggling in his arms, caressing his hands. His face. 

Why would he give a fuck about having someone like you when he could just have you?

When you reach to turn on the bedroom light he’s quick to intervene, pinning you against the bed. Your intoxicated mind is eager to forget, clumsily reciprocating. 

He reaffirms his decision when he bites your neck, hearing you moan and writhe beneath him. 

He’ll keep you. After all, he’s worked so hard over these years. He deserves an award. 

You’ll love him, the same way you loved your husband, the rotting corpse he hopes will burn somewhere far far away from you two. 

And if you don’t. That’s okay too. Illumi has more than enough love to go around. 

[maevstar]

tw: venting, anxiety

I think all I’m doing now here is vent lol. I’ve kinda been distant from this account, I just lost a bit of the motivation abt shifting (ofc I didn’t gave up or anything, shifting exists) but there’s a lot of things in my personal life that are really getting into me and I’m so tired.

When I created this account I was so invested into it, and to me here was a really safe place to share my things, but in my cr I’ve been so anxious abt things in my life that I became distant from here, and I hate that I did that

I’m so so tired of here, I just wanna disappear sometimes, I’m not suicidal or anything, but I just wanted a break from my life yknow? Like when you get aware of the “void” state, and you are just pure consciousness, I just wanna get pure consciousness and forget abt here

I feel anxious all the time and I feel like I don’t have anyone to count on, school is killing me and I skipped so many classes that I feel the most dumb and stupid person ever, and every time someone asks abt it I hold on the urge to break down.

I really want to get motivated abt shifting but all I do is cry and it’s terrible cause idk why im like this, I think im getting a bit depressed and I don’t know exactly what to do, I’m young and I hate to see people of my age happy and living their lives normally knowing that im far from that rn

I feel so tired that I don’t want to do anything, I don’t feel motivated enough to do anything, and my mom says that I can’t cry cause I’m not the only person on earth who suffers over anxiety, but tbh this doesn’t make it better

I really wanted comfort from my friends but they don’t seem to care, or don’t seem to care enough to be worried or something. It’s not like i wanna worry anyone, but i just wish I had someone who cares abt me the way i care abt the ones i love. I hate when i try to talk to my friend and she changes the topic, I feel like a burden

I think I’m gonna start being more active on this account cause when I was active I was so motivated and even happy, was so nice and I want that back

I think nobody is gonna read this but since it’s my blog I just wanted to share this, making it sorta of a diary (btw I’m probably deleting this when I wake up)

[oncamelliastreet]

depression rant <3

idk sometimes i would like for just one thing in my life to go well. like literally not even my playlist is working right now. 700 songs off of my 1200 song playlist i listen to everyday disappeared so i have to make a new one. and the new one is only showing up on my phone, not my ipad. and i can’t fix it.

and as much as i wish he was, i really don’t think my crush is into me too. i don’t think im likeable. im not pretty enough to attract anyone (girls aren’t even in the picture at school because it’s literally a catholic school in the midwest everybody is homophobic and guys either chose the prettier girls or date someone outside of our school). and even if i was attractive i don’t think my personality is enough. i’m too quiet and anxious at first for anyone to stick around and get to know me. there will always be someone better in comparison. and yk what even if i did manage to find someone who liked me back they would probably leave the second they found out im really not comfortable with having sex any time soon (if ever) at all. i’m just gonna die alone with my dogs while my sisters live their happy lives with their families.

and none of my friends even care about me outside of school. they talk to me when i’m in their classes but outside of school i’m not getting invited anywhere. and when i do get invited somewhere, like to hang out at my “best friends” house for example, her neighbor she’s friends with conveniently is coming over and she couldn’t figure out how to say no so they’re just talking the whole time and i’m just there in the background. or i’ll try to make plans and then they’ll cancel on me 30 minutes before they’re supposed to show up 4 times in a row. because their’s always something better to do.

and my head hurts all of the time and i went to a neurologist for it but i basically have to try a bunch of pills that almost definitely won’t work before i can get to the stuff most likely to be effective because the stuff that will probably help is more expensive and my insurance won’t cover it if i haven’t tried the stuff that won’t work and is cheaper. and i had a headache all day during my family gathering for my moms birthday because i used a shampoo that smelled a little bit and i felt like throwing up from it, and my mom had to wash my hair over the sink like a baby half way through the day because it was so intolerable.

and on top of that i couldn’t even get my mom a good present for her birthday because i dont have a job to be able to afford anything and i couldn’t go shopping with what little money i have because i dont have a drivers liscence and none of my siblings live close to home anymore so i had nobody to take me shopping. so everybody got her a really nice and thoughtful present and i got her fucking flowers because that’s the shitty daughter i am i guess.

and my dog has had a lot of spine issues because she’s a hot dog and they’re really prone to back injuries. and she’s been acting really weird the last week and i’m worried she’s gonna get hurt for like the 7th time. and it feels like nobody but me and my mom take it seriously because my older sisters will pick her up like it’s no problem even though every time she gets picked up a lot she gets hurt some time soon after. and my fucking grandma invited her to jump up on the couch when nobody was paying attention (she absolutely cannot jump on couches for the rest of her life, every time she does she gets SUPER injured) but i couldn’t say anything because she’s an old lady so i was just on the edge of a panic attack the entire day even though i just wanted to yell at her because she completely ignored us EVERY time she comes to visit. literally every time she’s here my dog ends up jumping on a couch and is hurt and crying in her bed unable to move days later. and it seems like im the only one who cares.

and on top of that it’s now one in the morning and i have to be up in 5 hours to take the psat which im gonna fail because im horrible at standardized testing and theyre online now which means i really can’t focus at all and im just a lost cause.

i give up trying atp.

[edible-star-soup]

“how can i feel so much love for everyone around me but its not romantic”

“How can I feel so much for people but every time I think it’s romantic I don’t actually like them and I’m just delusional”

“oh”

“Yours must suck so bad. I can’t even imagine loving and feeling things for people but it never being romantic. I do like people on the infatuation level sometimes but because I analyze them so in depth there’s always something that icks me out. I don’t think I’ve ever really loved someone tho. I’m a firm believer in if you loved them you wouldn’t fall out of love with them. You can move on, but you’ll always love them.”

“we are so different”

“why?”

“just our beliefs and experiences”

“oh”

“maybe you need to stop analyzing things that are only there for you, see what theyre showing, instead of what you think you see”

“No I analyze what they’re showing. Cause when you ignore your instincts that’s when you get hurt.”

“oh”

“i dont go like psycho crazy in depth like learn their every aspect to analyze them. Just like the orange peel theory”

“the what?”

“You ask them if they’ll peel an orange for you, If they say yes, even if with hesitation, it shows that they will put effort in. If they straight up say no or make excuses, it shows they don’t wanna put effort in because that’s your job. Anyways I don’t know how to explain my thinking but like I don’t analyze everything. Like ofc there’s people that are date material I just don’t like them. Cause everyone has mistakes so yknow. It’s not like every little mistake or imperfection matters but”

“ill never get you”

“ill never get me either. Maybe i should just mess around and have fun kissing everybody like you do”

“idk man i guess i just feel like maybe im falling behind, i feel so much for so many people and i want to love them like a lover would and make them feel happy like a lover would, and i feel bad knowing that everyone will always have someone that will make them happier than i do. no matter what i do about it, i cant love them like they want. and its worse because someone will put into words all they want in someone to love and ill be everything they list but i just, cant love them”

“oh”

“no because i feel romance i fall in love with everything around me all the time and i know what its like to want and to love and be loved but its just not a romance like how others perceive it. i have so much feeling for absolutely everything, but its just not what somebody wants to be with, because i cant love them like they want, but i do.”

“I don’t know how to explain how I feel, I like people and there are people that I would date if given a chance but I don’t like them. I don’t desire to be with anyone but I crave romance. I don’t like people very often but on occasion I do, But I don’t wanna do anything about it because I’d rather sit with my feelings than lose that one ray of hope”

“oh my god were different”

“yeah were different”

“i think everytime we talk personally we get more and more different, or just find more differences”

“Like there’s nobody I want romantically but I WANT a love life. And when I do want someone I can’t do anything about it cause the only time I feel human is when I like someone and I don’t like not feeling human. i just float around. like a damn jellyfish. But when I like someone I feel like I exist. So I can’t do anything about it because if and when they say they don’t like me back they’ll disappear and I’ll be inhuman again. i dont know how to explain it better than that. i just want to feel man. Like ofc I occasionally feel real. But most things just don’t feel real at all.”

“i promise theres more humanity in you than just your feelings for others, if that helps”

[brilliantfantasticgeronimo]

66.7512 meters episode!!!

i think i broke his heart! oh well!!!! ÑLKÑLK ruby y are u so happy about this all the time skfljdks1 (waiting for the karmic writing where someone breaks *her* heart....). tbh also very doctor-like. they are *so* unhinged

i was looking for some Spin-off foreshadowing in this war between land and sea business but best i've got is that... it will probably be set in wales ksdlfj

nuclear war is hilarious. fiften u are not all right.

That's the most bizarre "circle" ive ever seen. if anything is the orthogonal projection of a geodesic dome.

"A pee around the back"…….. dr pee foreshadowing

AESOP #1: children, when u are doing "off the road tourism", don't disturb sacred sites

susan twist's "thing" is just gonna be: "take revenge from being killed so many times". like she's just red-shirting all over the place (maybe it's gonna be a bit of meta commentary of the high body count of this show? that it's all for our sadistic pleasure but doesn't always have real significance skfldj)

I guess inflation is a recurring theme this season?

liminal spaaaace

"and then there's the blood""w-what blood?" i laughed ngl sksksk

the different color fonts in iplayer are a bit distracting tbh…...

ah yes. welsh racism...

hmmm… runy sitting in the chair... to wait in front of the tardis... "The one who waits?"

Thats' what men do skdksk love me some "Intergalactic fuck boy" subtext being voice and made text

Poor ruby ):

it's about the [metaphor for being stigmatized]!!!

Ohh the doctor was the first to disappear by the curse, maybe?

"even ur real mother didnt want u" Bro this monster is so mean wtf Kate!!!

AGAINST HIM, SOMETIMES!!!!!!!!! Antagonist kate be coming!!!

"well, that's classified"

This timeline might be suspended along ur event???

WE INVENT THE RULES AND MAKE THEM WORK!!! THEMES!! YOU HAVE TO COUNT EVERY GRAIN OF SALT!!! IT'S THE GAME THEME CONNECTING TO THE SUPERSTITION THEME!!!!!!!!

theeeemes

the more unit gets competent the more sinister they become

her going "cheers!" to her personal satan. i love u ruby

FUCK YEAH. ICON. GO KILL THE PRIME.MINISTER

...only guys in ruby's little montage ]: im heartbroken T.T rip the x5 times wlw companions streak dream it seems

"except the bed thing that was u" narrator voice: it wasnt

"Which is what?" KILL THE PM KILL THE PM DO IT ICON

Rtd connected to the universe skskdk oh beautiful synergy

[also literally how Y&Y starts... ]

"No more" feels loaded/intentional here, considering how it's been used before as an Important Phrase is War's arc.

the emo advisor guy intrigues me

Ruby having to solve this whole thing + cold war vibes.... mmm very ace coded

[lol @ soc dem / liberal writers being so scared of "populism" and "the dumbness of crowds". peak soc dem / liberal] [what is a "political allegory story" by a soc dem without the punchline being that "I think The People are really fucking Stupid actually"] [i do enjoy the side point of british politicians being so desperate for relevancy that they fire nuclear missiles for the fun of it. yeah… that tracks]

[lol becoming independent from nato being a bad thing. lol #"fucklybia!!"#signed:thisepisode]

the directing is very fun in this

Ruby get on your feets and make it happen

She's gonna say u forgot to say hi to this lady

ruby's asking to be shot again sksks

Iris u say…........ eyes emoji

[ok but also. lol not to go " ah, peak liberal again!" but lol. this resolution is peak liberal [ie. fundamentally antidemocratic, a few 1% technocrats (obvs, privileged and from the global north) with the answers "know what's best"]. this lad may have been crazy but they voted for him for a reason that "the system" wasnt providing.but in typical soc dem fashion they can't ever fight the fascists on The Real Deal ie. strength of a proposed political project + material gains resulted from those political projects + committing to real system change, so they have to scramble for antidemocratic solutions like [timey wimey prisons] to ""fight facism""" (ie not fighting it at all and by proxy, just making the fucking cockroaches stronger each "election cycle" because they can't fight them in a meaningful, political sense) bc the people are just too stupid!!! and this is why democracy was a mistake!!!!!!! ... sigh rtd. oh well good thing i didn't expect more on this front tbh sdlkjfdsd in that sense the s1-s4 rewatch prepared me well lol]

clara vibes in this ep in a lot of moments (old!ruby, sort of "mausoleum tardis", etc)

"i didnt travel with him long..." "but it felt like a lifetime" became literal…

"Everyone has abandoned me my whole life" T_T

AESOP #2: kids u are never alone <3 u always have ur inner demons :) and the unrelenting spectra of death~

There's always something a bit unsatisfying about self closing paradoxes... kinda like "oh it was all a dream so it didnt matter". but i think in this one it was crunchy enough with other things that i think it was balanced.

Very turn left-y ending! CONCLUSIONS!! people kept saying in the press this episode was gonna be "super scary" tbh i just found it.... profoundly sad sdxkljflkfj ruby's life just *screams* "missing the important bits by focusing on the unimportant" and "obsessing over things that don't matter" and "companion becomes detached from real life to the point they become super unhinged and callous" ("im sorry i couldn't help you marti")

(c+p some stuff i put on a discord): tbh i rolled my eyes at the political stuff but i don't think im even mad about it this time lol (too tired irl to get properly angry at doctor who these days ig)

anyway i dont think the political stuff is what it was really "about". i found this story very moving on what it was (imo) rlly about: ruby's fear and experience of being abandoned and also the general "fear of approaching death"

and obvs a bit of other emotional beats that are more specific to doctor who's long running stories: like the doctor "always does this" ie leaves everyone of his friends behind and there's the lingering tragedy that this will happen, as well, to ruby inevitably, then also both ruby and the doc becoming 'detached' from real life (ruby basically never investing anything in those relationships w/ those guys bc she was 'absorbed' by this mystery /clearly a parallel to her being absorbed by her parental origin) and also how tourists cant watch where they step / the doctor and co arent always respectful to the 'silly traditions' of the places they visit (tbh excellent bc to overcome my "this show has the white man's burden' engraved in its dna" meta... the show is gonna have to keep making story like and like Demons of Punjab for at least 3 more decades lol) (basically tldr i think it fumbled the politics stuff but it was rlly crunchy where it mattered. also, ....... i think this pretty much confirms that ruby isn't her own mother / the person who let herself at the door step in Christmas, right??? like rtd had said was the short story he had concocted years ago, and was the insp for this... but he kinda used up that trick here… so it must be something/someone else, right?) (another thing: ruby going "i used to be able to make it snow" made smth click....... ---> if ruby's whole focus rn seems to be about "the mystery", and this quest seems to be not only something she *needs* but also something that like... means joy and adventure, and traveling with the doctor... when she finds out the Truth,,, that probably means all the whimsy in her life will go away? (so she may come to a point where she Doesn't want to know Actually (which would be very "thirteen regretting throwing away the watch" realness mirror again)

[damianbugs]

batfam taking care of dick grayson fics !! time travel fics !! heart wrenching batfam fics that actually analyse the characters and give a good character study and don't simply accept fanon crap (coffee addict tim drake im looking at u) !! ur top 5 all time fave batfam fic !! and also, i love ur stuff so much on ao3 thank u for sharing your work w us <3

THANK YOU SO MUCH !!! this is so sweet i am so happy you enjoy my work <3 i will do you one better and offer a list combining all your requests to the best of my capabilities !! you've caught me at a great time, because i am currently obsessed with batfam timetravel.

i will admit i definitely have more than five favourites (my 500+ carefully curated and organised private bookmarks should be proof enough) so i hope you like the ones i have selected here :D ! (these are in no particular order!)

MY TOP 5 FAVOURITE BATFAM FICS (on ao3) !

Tap by CKBookish

Bruce returns home from the time stream, haunted by phantoms and dreams. Dreams of a past that can't be real.

But all of that wouldn't be so bad if his home didn't feel so empty in the absence of one of his children. Jason, refuses to talk to him or even answer his calls and Bruce can't figure out why or what he did wrong, not after they had mended their fences before his disappearance.

Meanwhile,

Catherine struggles to hold it together for her and Jason as life falls apart around them. When all she has to give is love she does her best to give it all.

MY NOTES: one of my all time favourite not-exactly-time-travel time travel fics! features some wonderful character building and complicated relationships, and the plot itself is just incredibly. the way everyone is written is definitely realistic to how i would imagine them personally (especially dick).

A Good Place by LemonadeGarden

Damian Wayne is kidnapped and sent back years through time. Together, he and Father – who's only been Batman for a mere six months –must figure out how to return him to his own time.

Over the course of the next week, Damian discovers that Mexican gangsters do not mess around, that social workers find Bruce annoying, that Bruce might be a little messed up, and that crystal chandeliers create the fondest memories.

Oh. And Alfred has hair.

MY NOTES: not only is this one of my top favourite time travel fics, it is also one of my favourite bruce and damian fics. it is so witty and fun, but also hurts immensely. fics where the kids are forced to endure young bruce's ridiculousness is always a treat, and here it is infinitely more amusing because it's damian finding his father entirely silly.

Modus Tollens by fanfictiongreenirises

Dick is cursed to kill anyone he touches.

MY NOTES: this one is fantastic. really gut wrenching throughout and you really feel for dick when it gets tough, but the sweet ending makes up for all the pain. dick loves his family and his family loves him immensely.

I Used to Be an Adventurer Like You, Then I Took an Arrow to the Knee by audreycritter

Stephanie was just on patrol and now she’s stuck somewhere, sometime, with Bruce.

They bleed and bond and mostly try to keep each other alive— you know, just a Tuesday.

MY NOTES: don't mind me casually recommending just the best bruce and stephanie fic to ever be written. it is unhealthy how many times i have read this one. and it is time travel! this is my dream come true. it also features one of my most favourite studies on bruce and stephanie and what they represent to each other.

Keep Your Head, Your Backbone and Your Heart by MrMich

The last thing that Duke expected on what was supposed to be just a regular patrol was being suddenly thrown five years into the past, coming face to face with a darker, more violent Batman than the one he knew, a broken family, and a Tim who was a foot shorter than Duke, and not even Robin yet.

MY NOTES: there was a moment in time where i briefly made this fic my entire personality with how much i spoke about it. dare i say one of the best duke thomas centric fics and ITS TIME TRAVEL! it is so great. i have noticed that you rarely see tim as robin in time travel fics, and he is so lovely in this, especially his dynamic with duke. as always, young bruce is ridiculous, but how duke navigates through it all is so important to me.

OKAY i will stop here as i frantically try to shove the remaining 495 fics back into my metaphorical ao3 closet. i hope u like these anon! <3 also if you haven't already, check out all these authors other works too! they are all fantastic !!

[rocmxmstuff]

An Untitled Story in the Making (Nause_Axe404 x Reader)

🐑 ♡ But what if the main character was just as broken inside, huh, what then ♡🐑

Two broken people sit in front of a typewriter.

Explicit, Graphic Violence, F/M, M/M, Other/M, Tag(s): Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, Self Harm Thoughts, Self Harm, Escpaism, Fluff and Angst, POV Second Person, Ambiguous Gender Reader, POV First Person

Find it on ao3 ♡ WC: 1,273

Money wasn’t an issue anymore, you knew that. But you could see the way it would disappear in time, and you knew it meant nothing really. No amount of money could ever fix what you felt. Nor could a stable job or years of therapy. Every step you had taken towards the hotel had felt like a fever dream.

You didn’t hate yourself, you were just at war with the emotions inside of you.

See, it’s weird to love yourself and feel like you’re imploding. It’s weird to see yourself in the mirror and recognise yourself as the being that’s put the most work into looking after yourself. Yet you see your face, and all you see are the images of it broken and bloody. Relieved.

If it would make you happy, would you do it?

You’d been asking yourself that a lot recently. And when you got to the hotel, you’d decided that if you ever died, you would want to wake up in a room with a laptop. Self care wouldn’t be something you’d need to do anymore because you would be a ghost. That meant you could just relax.

There wouldn’t be a body to destroy, and you wouldn’t have to worry about anything other than how to pass the time. Yes, your mental health was telling you that and it wasn’t what you thought, but the thoughts in your body were in your body. Sometimes distinguishing between who was speaking was too much effort for your tired mind.

Part of you liked to suffer if you could still hold a knife to your chest and feel the skin snag half way through an incision. It took a little bit more force when that happened. Possessed, it had cut right through while you writhed under your own corrupted touch. You’d almost thrown up, but it had felt so good.

You’d admired the wound on your body like it was the only good thing about you.

“Write.”

You did. The cramped room was a reflection of every other cramped room you had written in on office breaks, late nights, and some of the lowest points of your life. That was to say it gave you some sense of comfort. A typewriter didn’t have the familiar glow of a laptop, but the tick tick tick of each letter you stamped onto the page was a nice change.

At some point it became white noise that you’d miss when you stopped to listen to the monster beside you. A few simple requests were all he gave you. All you had to do was write what he asked and leave it for him and only him to read, and you could stay there forever. There was an axe by his side like a reminder of how little you had to lose anyway.

He could do what you were always too weak to do.

Yet he promised you more than that. Amidst all of his rambling, he said something that had been glaringly obvious from the moment you had stepped through the front door. You were in his room right where he wanted you. You were everything to him. You kept him alive even when you drove him so crazy he wished he was dead.

“I love you. And I can’t live without you.”

Something inside of you reared its ugly head at the confession. Obsession and love were two sides of the same coin, right? He questioned that himself, but he seemed reassured that they were. Who were you to argue? At the end of the day, you weren’t one to turn down such a perfect opportunity. Both of you could get what you wanted.

IN THAT DARK FUCKING ROOM JUST YOU AND ME IN FOR THE RIDE IM DONE TRYING TO HIDE PICK ME LIKE A FLOWER IN BLOOM TEAR OFF MY LIMBS ONE BY ONE.

The tick of the typewriter didn’t return while you processed his words. Of course, he broke into more chatter - a new topic this time. He complimented your outfit, and you turned to smile at him. You wondered if he felt the same need to escape his own skin too. Did he want to crawl under yours? It was a place you would welcome him into.

OPEN ME UP AND TIP ME OUT MAKE IT HURT BECAUSE I CAN'T HURT MYSELF AND I HURT TOO MUCH SO I WANT YOU TO DO IT FOR ME WHILE YOU TELL ME YOU LOVE ME.

Silence descended over you as you looked at him. Everything about his posture screamed tension, and for someone who hated it when things got complicated, he sure seemed to have a lot of complicated emotions. When you thanked him for telling you that your outfit suited you, his breath hitched. Suddenly, the compliments keep coming.

THE GOOD OLD TWO IN ONE TEAR ME THE FUCK APART LOVE ME LIKE I WANT TO LOVE ME HURT ME LIKE I WANT TO HURT ME.

There air felt heavy. Maybe it was the way that his kind words had taken a dark turn when he told you that he thought the way you slept was cute. He wanted to slot you by his side on a night and protect you while you dreamed. Somewhere, he fumbled his words, apologising for disturbing you once again.

You didn’t mind though. In fact, you asked him to do you a favour. Everything ached inside, but you wouldn’t say you were numb. Rather you understood how he felt when he got pent up. There was so much happening inside of you and all of it screamed one thing. Between the images of his axe in your skull, there he was in your arms.

“Can you move closer, please?”

Love was all you wanted. Whatever form it took, you were grateful for it, but it was never enough. You needed someone to love you the way he did. In your desperate bid to cling to life, you needed someone who could suffocate you.

The scrape of a chair being dragged closer was accompanied by a soft warmth that radiated off of him.

“Like this, is this c-close enough? I don’t think I can, ha, get much closer to you… This is so close,” he stammered.

“That’s fine. You’ll be able to see what I’m writing better,” you responded in kind. From by your side he could watch you write while you detailed the wonderful life you would escape into together. It was full of peaceful afternoons, and there were plenty of times where you got to laugh.

Part of you realised that you needed to include writing in there too since you enjoyed it so much. You weren’t going to deny yourself the opportunity to write sweet love letters in that world. Nor were you going to deny yourself the ability to find an escape. Then as you escaped into one world, you could escape the next.

Ouroboros.

The pain of eating your own tail would bring you back to reality one way or another, though.

“That’s amazing,” you heard from beside you. “This is why I adore you writing, my superstar! Nobody else could start a story that beautifully and convey so much meaning.”

“I’m only three sentences in!” you exclaimed. The way he smiled over the rim of his bandana left you flushed - genuine adoration written across his expression before he bursted into laughter. It’s a deep laughter that shook his sides and left the pair of you beaming when he’s finished.

“That’s what I mean, you’re so amazing!”

You can’t help but smile as you continue to write despite it all.

[slayingqueenchal]

Lost. | loak x f!human!reader, platonic!neteyam x f!human!reader

Warnings : slight hint of mutualinsecurities, you can breathe without a mask, mean loak, angst angst angst! AGED UP!!!

Slight summary : basically reader gets insecure, because of tsireya, neteyam comforts you but loak gets jealous and everything just goes wrong (don't worry, happy ending)

You could see it in his eyes. When a girl walks by. Her beautiful hair, big doe eyes, her body shape, and the way she talks.

"What's wrong, kiddo? " Neteyam asks. What's wrong? What's wrong? Everything.

You two sat on the big rock, as neteyam waited for you to reply. "I don't know, net, something just feels off".

"What is it, darling? " The older brother asked you. Suddenly, a burst of tears came out of your eyes. "Oh c'mere, y/n..what is it? " Neteyam hugs you close. "You know how I feel about your brother, and how sometimes he could be.. An asshole, but I just-", " Oh what did he do this time? " Neteyam sighed, drawing circles on your back.

"I feel stupid, for liking him. I'm not even one of you! I'm no na'vi, I'm a human who was lucky enough to be given this ability to breathe your air, I'm different! Your mother doesn't like me, loak hates me, and the only person I'm truly close with is you! ", " My dear, y/n, I can talk to him to be less rude, I can talk to my mother, just dont-dont be so harsh to yourself "

"Loak screamed at me the other day, called me ugly, and other mean words, ". You remembered it vividly.

As the sun sets, you walked to the sully's. Only to find out there's only loak. "Hey, loak, I brought you some food" You put it on the small table.

"thanks" He said, not even looking at you. "Are you okay, loak? " You said, looking at his demeanor. "No" Loak replied. "I'm here if you want to tal-"

"Will you just stop it! Stop all of this 'I'm nice' facade! You know what I don't even know why you're here! You're so--youre such a bitch honestly, all you do is stalk other people and cry when they don't like it, it's ugly you know? It really is fucking weird! And you try so hard to be cute, it's really not working, you're not tsireya! " The boy screamed at you. You immediately cried, running out of the tent. "Wait, y/n, sweet heart, wait! " The boy screamed, but by then you were gone.

"He- he called me a bitch, then have the guts to call me sweetheart afterwards, and I've been thinking of just.. Just leaving this place, you know? " You sobbed, "no you wont, you won't leave this place, we can fix this" Neteyam said.

"I hope"

Unbeknownst to you, loak saw you hugging neteyam. Even though he couldn't hear what you were saying, it was over for him. Neteyam always gets everything he wants.

"Loak? " A fierce voice said. "What do you want from me, neteyam? Had an amusing day with your girlfriend? " Loak scoffed, looking him straight in the eyes.

"I'm not with y/n, but, loak, I know everything. You like the girl, why are you so rude to her? " Getting a reply " Rude? I'm saving her so she won't date a guy like me! ".

"Loak, you're hurting her. The poor girl hates herself now, you called her a bitch" Neteyam walked closer "I wanted to say sorry, but ever since.. That day she just sort of disappeared."

"You're slowly losing her, loak, she has been thinking of going far away from here, and you can fix this, just please try to, be soft to here, alright? You can do it, I just need to guide you a little bit" Neteyam spoke.

"Y/n? Y/n! Here you are! " Loak said, chasing you. "What do you want, lo? " You sassed, walking away. "Y/n, please wait" Loak grabbed your wrist, his strength forcing you to stay.

"Im sorry", " That's it?, you're sorry, okay, Apology accepted " You scoffed. "No, love, I'm truly sorry, I've been mean to you and for what? I'm so sorry, sweetheart just, please, i-. nga yawne lu oer! Y/n I love you! " He said. The boy never sounded this desperate. Ever.

"I appreciate that, and you know, I love you, but you can't just expect me to let you In my heart! Those mean words doesn't just go away! " You talked back. "Please give me a chance, please give us a chance! " He cried.

You considered it. "Loak. If I give us a chance, please don't act like this, like you hate me, please don't", " I won't, love, I won't, please-" But, you cut him off saying "loak, may I kiss you? ".

He stood there, frozen, "yes, of course you can" He said, lowering himself, and yet you still had to tippy-toe yourself.

"I've wanted to do that for a very long time" He said.

And since then, every thing was all good.

[thorin-baby-bear]

im sorry for my sudden sudden disappearance!!! Was busy with school- I was wondering though if you could make Cg!Meeks and Little!Dalton headcanons for dps please please please?! I will hug you so hardddd - 📔 anon

HI 📔ANON WELCOME BACK!!!

Also yes absolutely I'm always glad to get dps requests 💕💕💕 🫂

Cg!Meeks & Little!Dalton Headcannons

Starting off, these two's energies balance so well, big or little

Charlie tends to be a very rambunctious lil guy, not even knowing he's causing chaos a lot of the time

(though he does enjoy pranks and causing chaos sometimes)

Meeks is, while also a bit mischievous, a lot more reserved

Against everyone's expectations, the two end up becoming close very fast

A month after school started they were inseparable

Charlie really doesn't care if people know about his regression, but he didn't really know his new roommate (Neil) very well yet, and he prefers to be around people that he knows won't be mean while he's regressed

So he ended up going to Meeks' dorm and kind of explaining his problem

Meeks was a bit confused at first, he had never heard of regression before

But after he and Charlie talked about it a bit more, he accepted it fully

He even offered to let Charlie come into his dorm if he ever needed a safe place to regress

After a few instances of Meeks taking care of Charlie, he asked if he could become his Caregiver officially and Charlie was more than happy to accept

Misc. Headcannons :33

Meeks has a very gentle style of caregiving

He's very affectionate with Charlie, lots of hugs and hair ruffles

Charlie acts like he hates it, but he never seems to complain when he crawls into Meeks' lap for some cuddles

Meeks tends to let Charlie try to figure things out on his own, like a difficult puzzle or some little homework, but if he starts getting too frustrated he'll step in to help him out

Charlie doesn't do very well with homework (totally not projecting *cough cough*), so Meeks makes fun sheets or promises sticker rewards to help him study and understand the material

Meeks loves to read to Charlie

He has lots of interactive kids books so Charlie can always feel included in the storytelling

Getting Charlie to bed at night is usually the most difficult part of their schedule, second only to getting him up in the morning

Meeks always tries to give him a good end to his day, but Charlie is very much a "Bu' I'm not tired!" Kind of little and getting him to stay put in bed long enough to fall asleep is a chore by itself

It only got more difficult as the years went on and Charlie got stuck with a roommate who was much less accommodating than Neil was (Cameron)

But they found ways to work around it, mostly with stuffies and the good luck that Meeks shared a room with Pitts, who also regresses

It's not always pretty, Charlie has his fair share of meltdowns, but in the end Meeks is just glad Charlie trusts him enough to allow him to take care of him

I love these two so much, thank you so much for the request 📔 anon 🫂

[dayurno]

more than a woman is the ultimate kevin day song to me……. im so glad you agree…… i knew you would understand. i was listening to that playlist the other day and realized i HADNT added it yet and it felt like an oversight so i had to fix it immediately. it was very important to me the whole playlist wasn’t sad. i stsrted my kevin playlist in the height of me losing my mind about him last year in july (i read the books for the first time at the end of may!) but it only made me crazier so i held off making the jean one until november LOL. his is def a little more sad but i think a good portion of the songs are hopeful :-) and YEAH jean is soooo hozier to me. i gave myself a limit on how many hozier songs i could add. it will probably be broken eventually

UR PINTEREST BOARD that fic is going to kill me. im so excited every time you share something about it…. the dynamics seem so fun ^-^ also the richard siken tweet in there Took me Out. i own and have read crush by him so many times like it’s such a big part of who i am and relating that to kerejean makes me. sbdjebx. sweating. nauseous. so excited. the vibes are so good, it feels very nostalgic and warm already….. btw your jean playlist hit me over the head and gave me a.Concussion. i wanna get better???!?! under the table???? OOM SHA LA LA? that song changed my brain chemistry like three years ago and im going to associate it with him forever now. your kevjean playlist being so long is so very real too….. i need to sit down and listen to the full nine hours of it.

DBSIDBSID. the kandrew beef is Personal and it’s so funny. i am working on making them get closer it just takes a lot of time bc andrew simply does not like to stick around. he comes to a sort of truce with them at some point, mostly after he and jean have a Talk alone, but he still doesn’t like kevin for a while. there IS side andreil tho…. neil is 26 :3 he comes to visit kevjean in paris for a bit and immediately causes problems. but the problems help them get their shit together so it’s fine! andrew is of course intrigued. most of it happens in the background tho bc they like to disappear together…… but neil actually ends up in foster care and gets adopted by wymack when he’s around 13, which is around the same age andrew is adopted and meets jeremy, so they understand each other still :) they do a lot of sneaking around and do not want their relationship perceived at all vs jeremy knox head of the PDA committee and very happy for his own friend finding love.

the biting…….. jeremy falls somewhere in the middle of the spectrum but he does suffer from the most intense feelings of love anyone has ever felt and will latch on like a dog and not let go sometimes. it really depends on his mood and what they’re doing how hard he bites ^-^ jean almost never complains but kevin always does. as is how they are. and they really both love attacking kevin. sitting there biting at his neck and shoulders and jean in particular likes gnawing on the wrist bone. jeremy is only a few inches shorter than kevin but will not hesitate to push him around….. dreamy sigh. at first he’s very nervous about overstepping Anything around either of them but once he knows that they actually like him he becomes such a menace. it’s his life’s duty to make kevin day, his childhood celebrity crush, a little embarrassed and whiny. both he and jean are soooo happy to tease kevin and kevin complains constantly about being ganged up on. jeremy is actually still IN college too, he turns 23 toward the beginning of the fic (i. hc him as a cancer!) and he and andrew have their fifth year to get through so he’s really just some college kid nibbling on and picking on them and taking over their apartment. trust that jean gets teased too he wouldn’t want anyone left out!

JEANFO….. jean….. my apple strudel….. there is so much i could say about him but it feels hard to do him justice…… he really is so special. he’s a little more healed of course bc he’s 28 and has always had kevin keeping contact with him. kevin got out at 14 so jean was there for 6 years without him and it’s really. it’s not a good time for him. but kevin refuses to lose contact and even sneaks across state lines to see him at 16 when he gets his license (with 14yo neil). jean has always had something to hold onto and live for. so jean is doing okay……. he still struggles and he’s very stubborn so he would rather AVOID things and kevin isn’t the kind of person who’s going to push him to face them (kevin has his own things to avoid) but he gets a good push from jeremy. and he LOVESSSS keremy. it’s one of his greatest joys that the two people he loves most care about each other the way they do. he’s so obsessed with them and so excited to show them off when they get together with friends. he’s really a little bit of a clingy freak :-) ESPECIALLY if he gets drunk. he’s a very needy drunk and if someone doesn’t kiss him (or if he doesn’t get to bite) his whole night is ruined and they certainly can’t have that. he learns quickly he cannot keep up with jeremy Party Boy knox tho. he’s a silly guy <3 sooo bitchy to everyone outside of his boyfriends but tender with them…. they’re trusted with his girlish little heart. i could talk about him for ages but i fear tumblr will cut me off LOL our responses to each other are getting so long like we’re writing letters by candlelight to be sent post-haste…..

HELLO MY LOVE im sorry for the late reply my pc was out of commission and answering asks on mobile is terrible but i am back now as your penpal. I LOVED MORE THAN A WOMAN OFC i understand i think i've had so many kevin day playlists since i first read aftg in 2020 (which feels like such a lifetime ago!), so i try not to keep too much track of them and not to take them or myself too seriously either. in a way all the playlists i've made have been an abstract of my life at the time of making so i want to preserve them that way! which is why my kandrew playlist is 6 hours long. because i am preserving.

THANK YOU FOR LIKING MY PINBOARD i wanted this fic most of all to be an ode to friendship. in kandreil i think theres so much history and tension there that sometimes it's easy to forget that there are other reasons people can stay together, so i wanted to write a kerejean where they felt like they were genuinely friends before it ever started careening into romance!!!! i think it's working. Probably. it's a very joyful and warm fic (or at least i hope it is) and i've been having a lot of fun with dialogue specifically because so much of friendship is just talking! anyway ah i have to stop myself before i spoil anything so just know it's going to be fun. hopefully. and there's a scene where jean calls kevin the first flower of edgar allen (direct rip off from tlt but bear with me)

I LOVE THEM BOTH TEASING KEVIN!!!! is there anything more genuine than teasing your crush together.......... that's the kind of thing i live 4 in relationship dynamics................ ohhh i just know this fic will get me so bad if it ever sees the light of day (heh).... ALSO HE'S STILL IN COLLEGE KEVINNNNNNNNNNN kevin youre letting a man still in college boss you around youve been better and more dignified endings. AND I LOVE DRUNK JEAN THANK YOU especially needy aiyayayaya..... my favorite senseless hc is that jean is a lightweight and he cant keep up with neither jeremy nor kevin nor renee. he's drunk off of one glass while the other three compete to see who can get liver failure first. he has been consistently getting drinked under the table by kevin for years. our beautiful apple strudel....... our little cabbage as the french say. :-)

i hope my candlelight letter reaches YOU post-haste and ofc im sorry for the wait!

[velvetnviolentviolets]

Get To Know The Author

name : Kay

pronouns :  she/her

preference of communication : Honestly I have a huge preference for discord. I don't trust tumblr IM to actually alert me. Ive recently learned tumblr has been eating my asks too. If I don't reply to an ask or DM me PLEAS reach out to me. I will NEVE outright ignore something. If I don't think something is going to work for our muses I will reach out to you. 

most active muse :  Kat is my loudest and most demanding. After that would be Her brother Kass, Feyre, and then our spotty maybe I'm here maybe I'm not - Emmett.  

experience / how many years : Ohhh boy. I've been doing the rp thing off and on since 2010. There was a five year chunk in recent years where I disappeared for a bit but the lovely @sharpayevcns pulled me back in a few months ago and I am so appreciative that she did. <3 

best experience : Discovering the people here that make me feel safe enough to obsess over threads. You guys have absolutely made my return to tumblr. If I were to delete my blog with nothing but my connection with you guys to show for it - Well I would be absolutely fine with that. You guys are amazing and will absolutely be tagged in this. 

rp pet peeves : I keep running into situations where I get heavily invested in plotting something (Drawing, writing head cannons, making playlists, planning cannon events. . .I literrally brushed up on a whole ass language for a plot) Only to have those people completely leave me on read. I am not a pushy partner in the least. I would be more than happy to wait a month for a reply. But I need communication. I need feedback if something doesn't sit right for you. I need reciprocated enthusiasm. You don't have to show It the same way I do but I need some show of enthusiasm otherwise it just feels uncomfortable and I feel annoying and restrained. That's not what I'm here for. I've honestly made the decision to start unfollowing people based on a three strikes basis. No hard feelings. I just don't want to follow anyone who doesn't bring the same energy I do. 

fluff, angst, or smut :ALL OF IT! While I'm becoming more and more selective about who I write smut with I LOVE writing smut ESPECIALLY if its born of post Angst fluff. Actually almost exclusively. There is nothing that gets my muses motor going like post Angst Fluff! 

plots or memes : Augh! Don't make me pick. I love Plotting but sometimes nothing really gets the juices flowing like memes do. I cant tell you how many times a simple meme interaction help set a pivotal point in a plot. ALSO- Memes are usually what help me forego my shy nature. While my muse outwardly gives NONE of the Ducks. . .I do . I give all of the Ducks so memes help  me loosen up. I'm not responsible for the haphazard neuroSpicy creature you meet once the shyness has fallen away. You've been warned.

long or short replies : It depends on my mood and attention span. There is a Adderall shortage right now so I have only been taking my Adderall on work days so Ive had a VERY hard time focusing o replies as of late. When Im on top of my Game I am LONGWINDED AF .Please don't ever feel like you have to match me because there are times where I will write you a novel and we were only supposed to be writing a sentence or two. It just happens and Im sorry.  time to write : Ha! um . . . Well I work Graveyard  Thursday- Saturday from 8PM-9:30ish AM (PST)  On slow nights I do write here and there but for the most part I can be found here pretty sporadically. If I have something going on during my weekend that I have to be a daytime person for then ill be up during the day time. OTHERWISE- Mostly evening and spooky hours . 

are you like your muses : I could draw some parallels with each of them but I dont think I am like any of them. 

tagged by: The Alluring  @wynterlanding ~<3

@grimmusings @sharpayevcns @godccmplex <3