#sometimes I actually relate more to my partner who has CP than to much of modern autism discourse

[frances-kafka]

Something really frustrating in ND discourse is that as we shifted from the LD model to what became the ND model, focus shifted away from things that actually cause functional problems (such as dyslexia, apraxia/dyspraxia, processing, etc) to social and mood optics, it's like other aspects of ND experience became totally invisible. This is where a lot of "it's not a disability" people may be coming from; sure, if your main issues are social, and or lack of tolerance from other people, the solution is social. But plenty of problems aren't social and I am very, very self aware about many of my social issues actually being downstream of other aspects of my ND experience, and many of my social experiences aren't even the root problem. In particular - the focus shifted from how well students were doing and or adjusting, to optics of obedience (ADHD) and conformity (more contemporary approaches to autism which heavily focus on social optics as the primary disability of autism).

Guess what? There are parts of my ND stuff that I VERY much experience as disabling. It's disabling that my cognitive bandwidth is basically a monodirectional, monotropic pipeline about the figurative width of a straw. It's disabling that I can sit in one place all day and not move even if I have to pee and I'm hungry and getting weaker and weaker. It's disabling that I even lose control, sometimes, over some things about my body when that pipeline is jammed - an example of something I used to experience was going physically limp when I laughed or cried, and also, laughing spells that would go on for several minutes once they started. My losing speech is actually connected to this same mechanism. A vast chunk of things I experience, in fact, that I find to be functional limitations, are connected to this same mechanism.

It's actually a problem that sometimes I can't drive safely while engrossed in a conversation. It's actually a problem that I can't process stuff while sitting in a group of people. I have a very limited amount of time before the dissociation in begins. I'm not able to mirror other people's movements easily which actually becomes a functional learning limitation in some settings, and much social impairment I've experienced is actually downstream of this, because of being unable to mirror other people's expressions and gestures. I got my left and right mixed up for a very long time. I know that some ND people pick up sign languages but I suspect I'd be one of those that finds it difficult. This is not a case of "the world not being made for me." These are functional limitations that I have to have workarounds for. I manage better as an adult than I did as a child largely because I'm able to choose my environments more, but I'm lucky enough to not have to work where this would be a problem, and these same learning issues actually have caused me significant adaptational problems at work - I basically hit a brick wall trying to work in health because I couldn't pass practical exams, and ended up stuck doing home care. The big career problem I have is how many jobs have been lost to technological obsolescence that were formerly available to a broader socioeconomic strata of NDs - the majority of them.

None of this stuff relates to how other people treat me as an ND person; the things that got me recognized as ND fairly early (though we weren't using the term "ND" at the time; there are various reasons for this) are things I experience as functional limitations.

None of this stuff is really talked about in ND discourse anymore despite all of these things being fairly common comorbids with autism spectrum stuff. It is literally only some older autism communities that still talk about functional autism comorbids or learning disabilities.

[ohnobjyx]

Hi, im wondering about recent clip of D/D/U. I guess yibo is a playful person with his friends. I saw how he teased CX and being pampered by his U/N/I/Q hyung. Im rarely interact with ant!s but due to that clip (CX) all his cp fan happy while leaving hateful comment to B/X/G. Its hurt me when they so hateful to h-o-m-o but okay to h-e-t-e-r-o. Why oh why!?!?! This is only my sharing thought. I love reading ur opinions btw. BJYXSZD!!!

Hi, fabellevixxi95! They are talking about TTXS 200719′s episode, for those who are wondering when did this ask happen (yes, I know, I do answer late).

First of all, there are a lot of CPs featuring dd with a lot of people. His old bros from UNIQ, any female with whom he interacts beyond a “hi”, DZW, etc.

(There’s a really noteworthy douyin from DZW explaining the concept of “CP” to his mother: “when you’re very good bros, people start naming your friendship as CP, (...) like the one I have with WYB”. Golden).

I really can’t judge anyone for adhering to a CP, since it’s the same thing I’m doing, but leaving hateful comments, insulting, and outright refusing to back down and apologize for their insults is not right. Be careful of those people, sometimes they aren’t even fans, but antis trying to stir up problems. Don’t engage, block and report if they’re going against the guidelines of the platform they are in.

Okay, since that part is out now, I leave my thoughts about this CP under the cut.

Disclaimer: fake fake fake.

To be honest, I looked into dd-CX CP out of curiosity, to compare a little bit. I couldn’t even find the name of the CP at first, but it was apparent soon enough as to why: they use the same bjyx initials with the “xiao” being CX’s name. However “bjyx” as a CP name has long been taken over by bxg.

I think many people prefer him being with CX (or any other female celebrity actually) because of 2 reasons:

Homophobia. It was difficult for me to realize that a lot of people are lowkey homophobic. They won’t say “ew, gays”, but they’ll say “it’s obvious he’s with a girl instead of with a man, he can’t be gay”. They are much reluctant to admit the possibility of anyone being in a relationship with a person of the same gender, though they’ll often defend themselves with something along the lines of “hey, I have many queer friends, I’m not homophobic!”

There’s a type of fan (let’s call them gf-fans) that fantasize with the possibility of being their idol’s partner. This, in gg and dd’s case, happens much more often with female fans, who then will grasp at straws to continue believing that their idol is completely straight. Thus why they’re much more willing to see a CP with a female idol (when they accept that their idol might not be single): they feel much more identified with a female than a male.

There’s also a curious phenomenon with these “girlfriend-type” of fans: imo, they’re much more open to an hetero CP because they know it’s just rumours and that it’s much more likely to be false, so that fulfills their fantasy of maybe someday meeting their idol and making them fall head over heels in love with them.

(That’s why many bxg pay a lot of attention to what mtjj outright refuse to discuss about. Like hotpot).

It has often been commented that dd’s CP with CX is one of the most “solid” ones, even though CX has said:

She and dd had collaborated twice in a couple choreographies by the time she went for the first time (prior to dd’s birthday special in 2018) to TTXS, and she said both times they hadn’t said a word to each other outside of work.

She called dd “modern monk” in his birthday special last year, and said that he lacked interest in women.

They started to get along much better when they hosted a skateboarding variety show together in 2019, most likely due to shared interests and work related issues. That had to make the CP reach its peak, because I don’t think I’ve seen a lot of these fans nowadays.

(They got comfortable enough for dd to say that she is very heavy, because he couldn’t carry her princess-style, which she didn’t appreciate at all. Trust me, no idol would have liked that).

Dd started to treat CX as a friend, so it probably made people’s eyes fall out of their sockets, because his interactions with women are scarce and very controlled. It is to the point that some fans say he must be gay because of the nature of his interactions with women.

But... I kind of understand him? People tend to forget that he grew up in South Korea, at the age when boys and girls start to interact and make friends with people of the opposite gender. The majority of the boys usually play with other boys and most of the girls play with other girls, specially in countries so conservative as China or South Korea (it’s a generalization, but it’s what happens 🤷‍♀️).

So, at the age when boys and girls start to mingle, he was in South Korea, living in an all boys dorm and studying with other male trainees (from what I know, mixed dorms are extremely hard to find even for university students), in a society where skin touch between a boy and girl with no romantic relationship is frowned upon. I’m aware that there’s a spectrum of types of couples, but even holding hands is rare for some couples there (let’s leave the sexism that still exists in those countries for another day, but they certainly have room to improve in that issue).

Moreover, dd, for all he is bold when no words are required, is quite shy. He’s coming out of his shell, but many of his interactions with women come from a time where I think it was more shyness what made him “cold” (and many people had said that he’s shy rather than cold, and dd himself says “I’m a slow starter” meaning he needs time to be familiar with other people).

That’s why, from my pov, his stilted, uncomfortable interactions with women (in the past) steems from the environment he grew up in + knowing he’s being observed all the time. There’s a video of him dropping a pen, surrounded by girls in skirts in an event, and to pick it up, he drops carefully, facing away from the girls, and keeping his eyes locked on the pen.

(I’m leaving my own speculation about their sexuality for another post, but just as a spoiler, I’m between gay and bi, leaning towards gay for some reasons).

All in all, dd is a playful person with his friends. He has every right to be however he wants. The fact that he’s comfortable enough to tease his female coworkers is just proof that he’s grown out of his awkward phase and that he has found people he likes to work with, no matter their gender.

The fact that some people take friendship as a CP is a phenomenon that will gradually dispel once he works with more women. I really don’t understand the blind RPS with no real proof (beware of fanservicing), but I’m fine if it’s the CP of their project, ofc. So I hope the fans who want him to be straight because it fits their image of him or whatever reason can just accept that he’s living for himself, not for their fantasies.