#something to get sparrow out of her comfort zone but not TOO far! just to widen that bubble

[silversiren1101]

Ooooh I have to… 👕 for anyone!!

For Sparrow of course! Wiscrani Girls hitting the dusk-lit streets for a dinner date and live show at a little tavern out of the way (though Sparrow may resent being called a Wiscrani girl lol). Mino is aiming for style and comfort with Sparrow - something that'll make her friend just a tad confident without attracting too much attention she wouldn't want! ...and maybe something that challenges her a little and widens her comfort zone!

Top: Loose, dark, comfortable... yet refined and with a little brightness in the pattern. This light fabric is breathable and has a great flow, and the tie-ribbon collar will look so very cute on you! With your brown and golden accents, Mino is naturally going for a deep green to draw them out. She wants your eyes to shine.

Bottoms: NOW NOW DON'T RUN AWAY - Yes a skirt! It's high-waisted and long, though, okay? Mino thinks you would look so elegant in an a-line profile! Please at least try on this flare skirt.

Shoes: Mino isn't quite sure what height heel you're comfortable with, but she wants you to try these little black booties! They're low enough to not risk face meeting the pavement, but high enough to really make the skirt ensemble shine! Also the pointed toe is perfect for anyone that tries to annoy you, like a built in weapon :)

Hair/Hat: It'll be the evening when you two are out and about, but this look simply isn't complete without this hat. Mino knows you're still getting used to your feathers showing, so if you feel the need for privacy, this wide brim can do you wonders! Also it'll look gorgeous with your long brown hair with how straight it is!

Other Accessories: Sparrow, accessorize? Yes - anyway this feather-patterned leather purse will tie your outfit together and is a cute little wink-wink-nudge-nudge from Mino. There's mint gum in it to freshen your breath and also a comb... and some candy. Lastly, she thinks this simple hammered gold bangle set will look so cute and be cherry on top for this outing!

[gravity-barbie]

Vacationing with the Sparrows HCs

Request

Masterlist

Marcus Hargreeves

-Marcus is pretty reluctant to the idea, he doesn’t want to leave the sparrows or the city alone, his siblings are such menaces he truly believes they could undo years of his hard work in a week if he leaves them unsupervised

-But you’re quite insistent, particularly because you believe he needs time away from those very things to unwind, and luckily for you, Marcus is willing to bend if it means making you happy

-Despite his lack of enthusiasm, he splurges on travel, accommodations, meals and so on, if he has to go it’s going to be a five star experience

-It takes a while for him to relax, but all the uninterrupted time with you and the fun you force on him does steadily really brighten his mood, this break is actually so good for him, it brings him a temporary peace you’ve never seen him have

Ben Hargreeves

-Ben doesn’t need a lot of convincing, using the high-life to distract himself from his angst is a tried and true coping mechanism of his, and if you’re there with him and it makes you happy too, it sounds perfect

-Plus, he’s a show off, especially where you’re concerned, so he revels in showering you in the luxury he can afford on this trip

-He’d rather not spend that much time at the popular tourist sites (especially since he’s bound to get swarmed there), but he’s very interested in seeing things like the local museums and art galleries

-Ben is already generally freer and softer around you, but vacationing with you really puts that side of him in the front seat, without all his pressure and family drama, his guard is lower than ever

Fei Hargreeves

-Fei is so on board, she takes every opportunity she can get to take a break from the academy and get out of the city, it gives her a sense of freedom

-She’d love to get out into nature on your trip, and privacy is also important, so if you’re not looking to go international, something like camping, or a road trip with stops at the occasional inn would be preferable to any resort

-As a calculated person, the planning stage is crucial, her hyper-focus on the practical may take the wind out of your sails in the moment, but when you two do go, it’s amazing how smooth everything runs and how comfortably you’re set up

-She’s a wonderful person to travel with, fun and adventurous, but also smart, one minutes she’s joking around with you, and the next she’s acting like a professional tour guide

Alphonso Hargreeves

-Alphonso is a bit of a homebody, so he has mixed feelings about a vacation, sure he’s not one to turn down a fun time, especially if it’s with you, but the crowds, travel, and lack of familiarity just sounds nightmarish

-Preferring a chiller environment, something like a cruise suits him best, you hardly have to plan anything, and you’re never too far away from the comfort of the room you’re staying in

-He’s a bit picky when it comes to participating in activities or visiting the stops along the way, but lounging around the ship is something he gets used to quickly and has a wonderful time with, most the staff end up hating him though

-Having had such a strict childhood, and sticking close to the city all his life, Alphonso was actually way more nervous than he’d ever let on about this trip, but he ends up glad you convinced him to go

Sloane Hargreeves

-This was inevitable, you being willing to accompany her is the only push Sloane needs to finally act on her dream to see the world, and boy is she stoked, actually the happiest you’ve ever seen her

-You’re unbelievably lucky to have her to do this with, she’s already done so much travel planning, she’s educated on so many cultures and speaks several languages, and plus it’s just always pleasant spending time with her

-However on the flip side, her enthusiasm could be a little overwhelming, she has a helluva to-do list that she doesn’t want to waste any time on, and sure, she’d never pressure you out of your comfort zone, but if you’re intent on keeping up with her, you’ll have your work cut out for you

-This vacation truly puts the last 30 years of her life to shame, honestly she never wants to go home, and if you keep indulging her maybe she never will

Jayme Hargreeves

-Jayme has never cared to travel, she’s pretty disinterested in it, but she’s also daring enough to try it on a whim for you, you could legit be out of the city overnight if you want to

-She doesn’t want to act ‘touristy’, you’d have to really press to get her to join any organised activities or go to popular sites, as she’d rather lay low and try the local experience

-She does like exploring less busy areas when it’s just you and her, and you find a lot of great hidden gems that way, it may actually be the best parts of the trip

-She enjoys the fresh scenery and lack of responsibility, but she doesn’t really act like she’s on vacation, or change her routine, still spending her days watching movies, strolling the neighbourhood, committing petty theft and getting in street fights until it’s time to go home

[magicman111]

A Moth to a Flame - Chapter Two

One month later

Sasha joylessly toyed with the Music Box, opening its lid like a yawning mouth.

Who’d have thunk it? She wondered to herself. This tacky little thing could cause so much calamity?

How ludicrously out of place she looked curled up on King Andrias’ enormous throne, almost like the little girl playing pretend in the driver’s seat of her parents’ car. You’d be forgiven for not knowing she’d just led the swiftest, easiest toppling of a government in this world’s history.

Big blue dummy locked up? Check. The city’s army surrendered? Check. Their toad army less than an hour away? Check. Dimension-skipping Macguffin firmly in their position? Double Check.

Not a bad day’s work for a 13-year-old.

Marcy’s oversized sparrow was tethered to the armrest by his leg. A prize she’d taken for herself so she could cruise around her new kingdom in style. She saw to it he wasn’t under any duress, and the fact he was neck deep in an industrial sized bag of bird feed told her he was plenty comfortable.

Sasha managed a tiny smile as she reached out to run her fingers through the thickness of his coat. She dunked her hand in the bag and offered him an open palm of seeds; he eyed for a moment or two before gingerly pecking at the mound.

Thank Frog no one was around to hear the ‘d’aww’ escape her lips.

Her grandmother was the one she had to thank for her secret admiration of birds. Old lady had been a birdwatcher who ‘treated’ her to regular weekend trips into the forest when she was younger. This was long before her discovery of malls and arcades. Sasha wouldn’t dare admit it to even herself back then, but the ones they spotted together on those dewy spring mornings were beautiful to behold in their natural habitat.

Herons may now be forever ruined for her, but Joe—she thought that was his name—was a mighty impressive specimen. Poor guy somehow found the strength to carry all seven of them to Newtopia, only to nosedive into the moat at the end of the flight.

Definitely had nothing to do with her asking Marcy if she could take the reins in the last stretch. She and Anne were kind enough not to draw attention to it, same as they did the day at summer camp when they discovered her crying into her pillow. They were awesome enough to go along with her story that it was only allergies. She knew she had a true pair of girlfriends that morning.

Thinking about them only soured her mood afresh. She sprinkled the rest of the feed back into the bag and slumped against the backrest, arms petulantly crossed.

Here she was in the crowning moment of her young life and she couldn’t have been more miserable.

Maybe because her friends should have been here to share in this, but no, they had to go and act all noble. What else should she have expected? She always was the only one in the group with the guts. Anne had to be dragged kicking and screaming to ditch school and join her and Marcy in celebrating her birthday. Was it any wonder she had to keep taking control of the situation?

More likely... it was because deep down she knew she didn’t really want this. She certainly believed she did after they dropped that gloryhound newt general down a waterfall and when they successfully rallied the Toad Lords after retrieving Barrel’s Warhammer. Things only started getting complicated when they needed free tickets into Newtopia in the form of her friends.

She hadn’t counted on realising just how much she missed her clumsy, klutzy Marcy. Neither how effectively she and Anne were still able to work together as a team in spite of all the unpleasantness that had transpired between them during their time here, of which there was plenty. The fact that Anne actively encouraged her in taking down that molten toad monster was the rancid cherry atop the sludge sundae. For a while back there, it looked like they might really turn a corner and start afresh. All three of them could have gone home like none of this ever happened. Except by then it was already too late.

What recourse did she have when the Plantars invited them for the world’s most awkward dinner party or when they brought the house down at the Battle of the Bands? Tell Grime and all the toads who’d invested their manpower and futures in her that sorry, she was getting cold feet? There was only one grizzly way that would end both for her and Grime and the best scenario she could imagine involved heads on pikes.

... It didn’t matter anymore. Her friends had picked their path, she’d picked hers. As her mom always said, ‘You make your bed, you lie in it’. Funny how in her short life, she’d heard that line far too many times already.

Once she figured out how the Box worked, she’d send both Anne and Marcy on their merry way and they’d never have to see each other ever again.

Everyone would get what they want.

Good thing then she’d sent her soldiers to ransack Marcy’s room for all her research about Anne’s fateful birthday gift. Girl was a pack rat. She kept notes for every exam and project they were assigned back home. The less said about her laptop jammed with files of anime fanfiction and theories the better.

Plus, it was a good way to try and distract herself.

They came back into the throne room hauling burlap sacks full of parchments and emptied their contents at Sasha’s feet.

Daaang, girl, you've been in the zone.

She scattered them over her lap and the ample free space on the seat. They actually weren’t that hard to follow; colour coordinated with plenty of cutesy kawaii diagrams. Trademark Marbles.

Apparently, it worked a lot like those puzzle boxes Marcy got as gifts from relatives in Hong Kong. All it took was knowing the right sequence of buttons and zip! You can go wherever you want in the cosmos. Just a matter of finding the code for Earth.

‘I’m done listening to you!

I’m done trusting you!’

Sasha scowled, trying to push the thoughts to the back of her mind where they belonged. She shuffled through a couple more pages until she found the one titled in glittery green and blue lettering, ‘HOME’.

Bingo.

‘You’re a horrible person!’

Ignore. Ignore.

Now all she had to do was jot it down on her palm and—

‘AND I AM DONE. BEING. FRIENDS WITH YOU!!’

She stopped. Her shoulders drooped. Then she just threw the page down on the floor and sunk into her seat further than she thought physically possible.

She normally didn’t consider herself that thin skinned a person, but man, that one hurt.

Traces of bitter tears creeped into her eyes.

What am I even doing anymore?

The sound of footsteps on crumpling paper and someone clearing their throat snapped her out of her self-pitying torpor. She fluttered her eyes dry to see Grime standing there awkwardly among the discarded parchments.

The diminutive, one-eyed former Toad Lord was hiding something behind his back. He actually looked pretty embarrassed about it too, which for a battle hardened war vet like Grime was actually kinda adorable in Sasha’s eyes.

“I, uhh, got you something,” he said, whipping out a long rectangular present wrapped in green paper and topped with a luscious red bow. “Had it made especially for this day.”

Now if there was one thing Sasha Waybright couldn’t say no to, it was a gift, especially from a trusted friend. They were the ultimate distraction from the blues and she couldn’t have been sitting upright and tearing into this one any quicker.

“Whaaat? Grimesy, you didn’t!” What she had pulled from the ravaged packaging wielded aloft her head made her gasp. “How’d you know I wanted to duel wield?!”

It was a brand new heron sword. An exquisite green second shortsword that would compliment Ol’ Pink perfectly.

She stared proudly into the smooth steel surface, admiring the craftsmanship. When she noticed the girl staring right back at her, however, her smirk vanished in an instant. The captain of the cheerleaders, the scarred swordswoman, the conqueror of Newtopia, whatever angle she looked at it, she didn’t like what she saw. Unbelievable as it may sound, even the joy of an awesome gift like this was not enough to make everything better.

“What’s the matter? You don’t like it? Oh dang it!” Grime slammed his forehead. “I didn’t get a gift receipt!”

“No no, it’s just...” Sasha weighed the blade against her ungloved palm. Talking about these kinds of things was never easy for her. “What if Anne’s right? What if I am a horrible person?”

Grime popped up like a whack-a-mole behind the armrest. “Who cares what she thinks?” he scoffed. “You and I are in charge now, and we get to do whatever we want!”

“That’s the thing... I’m not sure what I want anymore,” she admitted wearily.

For all his years of training at the finest academies, his brutal combat in the colosseum and tactical expertise earned through a lifetime of military service as his forebears before him, this one had Grime stumped. Needless to say, talking about one’s emotions wasn't exactly encouraged during their upbringing in toad culture, so naturally it wasn’t one of his strong suits. Just one of the many things he and Sasha had in common.

“Huh.”

Still, he was a pretty fast thinker and came up with a fairly good idea on the spot.

“Why don’t you help me redecorate this place?” he suggested, resting his hand on her shoulder. “Take your mind off it. Cuz this right here...” He gestured to the cluttered mess in which she’d surrounded herself. “This is definitely not—I’m sorry, can I help you?!”

Both of them turned their heads when it became impossible to ignore Joe’s cone-shaped beak lightly nipping at Grime’s cheek.

“He probably thinks your warts are seeds.”

“For the love of—I knew he was eyeing me up on the ride here! There! Get lost!” Grime scooped up a fistful of feed and flung it over the marble floor, but the winged beast persisted with pecking his face. “Stop it! MY HEAD IS NOT A FEEDER!!”

It took an exceptional effort of willpower for Sasha not to laugh at the sight of her old man being preyed upon by the family pet.

Wow, she thought. Her old man? Was that how she saw Grimesy now? Seriously?

Perhaps up to a point. Okay, considering the options she had for parental figures back home, it wasn’t exactly the highest bar to pass, but it still meant something. Anything.

Who would have guessed this would be how they’d end up, especially given how they started off with her as his prisoner? Sure, it may have taken her helping him and the whole tower not getting turned into heron feed for her to be upgraded to his lieutenant, but they really had come a long way since then. There was a lot more honor and heart to the cranky old toad than she first thought, back when she wrote him off just as another blowhard with power. Now he genuinely considered her his equal both as a friend and comrade in arms. For Sasha, the feeling was mutual. A first for her.

When all was said and done, who else did she have left besides him and vice versa?

What the heck? Let’s tear this place up.

Untethering Joe, she whistled a tweet-tweet and gave the rope a gentle tug to encourage him to follow on their ‘indoor walkies’.

A cursory surveillance of the throne room told her there was a lot of work to be done. If this toad regime was to last a thousand years, the correct decor was an important first step. Thankfully for them, she knew a thing or two about fashion. For starters, there were way too many soft blues and purples. Rust red from top to bottom! She preferred keeping the stained glass windows, but they’d need entirely new designs. Hers truly would naturally feature in most of them, one showcasing her and Grime caving that narwhal worm’s head in with the Warhammer being an absolute must. The snakes coiling the stone pillars weren’t a bad touch, if just a bit too elegant for the whole ‘proud warrior race’ vibe they were going for, but she could still work with them. Now as for the throne, they were gonna have to replace it with something much more imposing. There was that super violent dragon show she and her parents used to watch that had the huge throne made out of swords. She was sure she had a picture somewhere on her phone to use as a reference.

“I’m sorry, what the heck is this?!”

Sasha could only denounce what they were gawking at as the single biggest affrontement to tasteful decorating known to man or amphibian. Yes, worse than inflatable furniture, carpeted bathrooms, beaded curtains, glass block bathroom windows, ‘live, laugh, love’ quotes on walls, rustic hearts, mason jars and nautical accessories all combined under the same inland roof.

Tapestries had their rightful place in a palace’s interior design, but the one sweeping across a section of wall depicting a gentle hearted Andrias sitting down by a lake, surrounded by flowers and lilypads was nothing short of vomit-inducing. Gathered at his feet and scooped up in his protective arms were his wide-eyed, childlike subjects. Even the fish and a lobster were surfacing to bask in their king’s magnanimity. Here the oversized salamander was truly the loving patriarch of everything the light touched. The mawkish display could only be topped off with a rainbow streaking across the sky.

Grime felt his stomach roile. If he ever needed an example to demonstrate the difference between kitschy and downright tacky, this was it.

“Y-y-y-yikes!” he gagged. “This thing’s gotta go!”

Sasha didn’t need a second invite. Besides, what else was Joe going to use to line his nest?

A joint effort tore the offensive piece from its place and it tumbled to the floor in a heap.

Dead silence fell over the room.

Hidden beneath the tapestry was... a mural. Including such a decoration in a throne room was hardly surprising, yet it was what it contained that shocked both the human and toad, so much so that they had to take a moment to recover.

“Woah,” they gasped at once, before starting to analyse what they saw.

The mural was a chaotic collection of nightmarish images painted on a night blue wall. Wild red flames spewing out hordes of beasts and the wreckage of buildings. Mountains of skulls and bones belonging to frogs, toads and newts alike. A flying... spaceship? A castle? Whatever it was meant to be, it firied a white beam up at what was unmistakably the Music Box. Pink, green and blue lightning bolts crackled out of the Box. Mesmerising orange gemstones or, more terrifyingly, eyes leaped off the wall and burned themselves into their minds. The frightening focal point of this one-way ticket to the school therapist’s office? Rising out of the middle of the inferno was the silhouette of a red-eyed, goliath-sized beast, its claws reaching up covetously towards the Box that hung right above its crowned head.

It may as well have been lifted straight from the tattered dream journal of a madfrog.

Any ideas of redecorating the throne room were long gone. Even the revolution they were spearheading suddenly seemed millions of miles away in the face of what they’d just stumbled upon.

Peering her eyes slightly, Sasha was the first to put a face to the shadowy leviathan, and when she did, she had to swallow her heart back down into her chest.

“Is that the king?” she asked, mystified. “With the music box?”

Sweat ran down the side of Grime’s nonplussed face. “If it is… it’s a really good thing we stopped him.”

Neither of them said it aloud, but both understood the situation at once. All this time they thought they’d been playing flipwart while the king played bog jump. Oh, how wrong they’d been. It was beyond anything that even the Toad Lords discussed. They knew that they had to reconvene with them as soon as the armies had reached the gate.

She took a couple steps closer to reexamine the mural more thoroughly, missed details emerging now that the initial shock began to wear off. Circuit board markings—the same inside her dad’s outdated computer when she foolishly dared Marcy if she could take it apart—worked their way around the images, serving as some type of frame. Odd choice for a world that didn’t even have steam engines yet. She also picked up the three small geometric figures standing atop the Box’s lid. An artist she was not, but they looked pretty human-like in design.

But humans did not exist in Amphibia. The three of them were the first of their kind to ever set foot in this dimension.

Weren’t they?

Alarm bells were ringing louder than ever before. This Andrias guy had been playing Anne and Marcy for his own ends this whole time, all to get his mitts on the Music Box! What did he plan to do with it? Right now, she still couldn’t say, but it was all bad. Outside of a kickin’ rock band, fire and skulls together were never a good thing!

Even Joe’s feathers were puffing up anxiously against her back. Not turning away from the mural, she raised her hand and patted his risen crest.

“I know, big guy. I don’t like it either.”

Grime’s voice rang urgently in her ears, “Lieutenant! Get over here, quick!!”

Sasha had spun on her heels and sprinted down the room to find Grime standing the wreckage of what used to be a display of armour. He’d evidently acted on a hunch while she’d been preoccupied. Judging by his thunderstruck expression, he’d just discovered something far worse.

“What is iooooh boy!”

This new second mural reminded Sasha a lot of Egyptian hieroglyphs. If there was any room for doubt about the technicolor stick guys, there was none here. Standing tall against an indigo backdrop in a neat row were the outlines of human beings; long gangly appendages, stumpy noses and everything. Some were wearing hooded capes, others were decked out in suits of armour. The couple in the middle looked particularly regal. No prizes for guessing the little wooden box they were holding in their hands, cementing their authority as if it were the globus cruciger.

Faded inscriptions were engraved along the bottom. They were written in a more archaic amphibian dialect, but being a toad of higher education, Grime was able to give translating them a decent shot.

These great beings of magic and might

Travelled from beyond to serve the night

Bow before these children of man

Or know the wrath of the—

“... Wu Clan?” He cocked his one good eye up at her. “Iiiii’m not getting it.”

There it was. Floodlights flashed in Sasha’s head. All colour drained from her face. A million and one thoughts were now firing across her brain at once, threatening to send her into cerebral shutdown.

It was at that moment she knew she’d been played. They all had. She didn’t know whether to be absolutely furious, betrayed or impressed.

Why that conniving, devious little—

That's when they heard the BOOM outside the window.

[almorica]

Merry

all ages, fresh precure, berry/passion, 4,190 words

what are two girls who’ve never dated anyone to do but see what it’s like together? it’s only the natural conclusion.

ao3 / ffnet

“I really like how organized your room is,” Setsuna noted, turning her head from side to side as she slowly walked through it. When her eyes fell on the bookcase, she paused to examine it. “Especially all these books. It’s impressive, keeping them all grouped by color like this.”

“Oh, that’s nothing,” Miki replied dismissively, but the pride in her tone expressed how well she was taking the compliment. She observed Setsuna’s progress from her place seated primly at her vanity table. “Leaving things out of place just isn’t perfect, you know?”

“But you go above and beyond, and I think that’s amazing.” Setsuna gave her a refreshing smile before leaning down to inspect a set of light blue spines. “This is a series, isn’t it? What’s it about?”

Miki shifted her posture to look around her shoulder. “Black Sparrow? It’s about a high school girl who becomes a detective and uses that name for her alias. I’ve collected them since I was in primary school.”

“Really.” Setsuna straightened up and turned toward her. “It must be good, then. Do you think I could find the first one at the library?”

“One of my best friends can borrow it straight from me,” Miki responded with a wink, and Setsuna’s eyes widened. “I’m not reading it right now, and I trust you to take care of it. I’d love to have someone to talk about it with.”

“If you don’t mind, then.” Feeling a rush of joy both from the designation of best friend and Miki’s encouragement, Setsuna carefully pulled the book from the shelf. It was just the right size to fit in her purse. “I’ll be sure to tell you what I think about it.”

As Setsuna moved to take a seat across from her at her desk, Miki smiled cheerfully. “I can’t wait. You know, it’s gotten much easier to talk to you now. I’m glad you could make time for me today.”

“It’s a relief to hear that,” Setsuna replied, rotating the chair to face Miki directly before sitting down. “Thank you for inviting me. I know last time we were alone wasn’t much fun.”

“It’s been a while, and we needed a chance to try it again. Plus, there’s always more to talk about.”

“Did you have something in mind?”

Miki nodded, then gave her a sly look. “Was there any dating in Labyrinth?”

Setsuna tilted her head. “Dating? No. I’d never even heard of it before coming here.”

“Is there anyone you’ve thought about dating since then?”

“I haven’t thought about it at all. Should I?”

“Why not? It could be a lot of fun with the right person. Hey, if you did, do you think you’d like to go out with boys or someone else?”

Setsuna stared down at the pale floorboards, giving it some serious thought. Dating was spending one-on-one time with someone, touching affectionately and being touched in return. At least, that was what she understood of it so far. “I don’t know for sure, but I’ve never exactly wanted to be alone with one of the boys.”

“Right?” Miki looked thrilled with the answer. “Boys are overrated. I’d rather let them think my brother is my boyfriend than have them ask me out. But some still do…” she added with a sigh.

“Hehe, you’re popular with others too, aren’t you?”

“Yes, but some people find me unapproachable. No one has ever confessed to me that I could see myself with.”

“So you’ve never dated anyone?”

“Hard to believe, right? And you’ve never dated anyone either.”

“That’s right.”

Miki leaned toward her expectantly. “Soooo?”

“So?” Setsuna repeated quizzically.

“Why don’t we fix that and try it together?”

“Try it… together?” she asked with a blink, long having lost the thread of logic tying together this line of questioning.

Standing up, Miki strode over to her and held out her hand. “Today, I’ll be your girlfriend.”

Setsuna glanced between her friend’s optimistic face, her hand, and back. Delayed realization dawned on her. “Eh?!”

—————

The sun shone brightly on Clover Town Street that morning, casting moving shadows below the rustling leaves of the line of trees at its center. Miki and Setsuna had strolled through it together before, but this was the first time Miki had laced their fingers together between them. She was in such a good mood that she sometimes swung their hands forward and back a little, and Setsuna continued trying to mentally catch up with this turn of events.

“Are you sure holding hands like this is okay, Miki?” she asked self-consciously, furtively glancing around. They weren’t alone in the district, but no one seemed to look at them for long.

“Hm? Why wouldn’t it be? Girls our age still sometimes hold hands like this as friends. No one’s going to think it’s anything else.”

“Oh… I see. But what if they do? You’re a model; they’d probably think you should be with someone more like you.”

Miki squeezed her hand. “I’m not embarrassed about being with you, Setsuna. In fact, I’m happy to show you off.”

A blush colored Setsuna’s cheeks. Awkwardly, she angled her head away. “Don’t tease me too much today, okay?” That side of Miki was cute, but she was becoming more aware of the fact that her inexperienced heart wouldn’t be able to handle it.

“Geez, I’m not always teasing~ Ah, the cinema’s right here.” Lightly tugging on Setsuna’s hand, Miki led her up to an old brick building. Setsuna caught the name of the establishment on the marquee before they passed under it, and there was a detailed listing of films on a rearrangeable sign between two sets of double doors. Miki stopped them there. “Did you give what kind of movie you want to see some thought? New showings will be starting in a few hours.”

Setsuna, looking around at the movie posters instead of the show times, left her gaze on one with an older boy and girl posing with a cat. She knew Miki preferred having some kind of opinion over none, and it gave her a good feeling. “What about “Love Fur Real”?”

Miki laughed, quickly putting her hand over her mouth to quiet more of them. “I thought that pun was awful, but it is funny when you say it so seriously.”

“Um, thanks,” Setsuna replied, not convinced it was something she should be proud of. “Do you want to see it?”

“Of course. I love a good romantic comedy. Let’s come back closer to the time.” Hand in hers, she guided Setsuna back onto the neatly paved path.

“What will we do until then?”

“I have the perfect idea,” Miki announced proudly. “We’ll go clothes shopping.”

“Is there something you need a new outfit for?” Setsuna asked, head tilted.

“No, we’re going shopping for you.”

“Wait, I don’t need anything either—”

“Nonsense. We’re on a date today, and this time, I want to dress up my girlfriend. Is that okay?”

Both Miki’s words and playful expression flustered Setsuna. “I… I guess so…” It wasn’t like she had to buy anything, right? And it would make Miki happy.

It definitely did. “Great. We can start right around here. A store with a style like yours is nearby, and we can branch out into the city afterward.”

Setsuna felt a bit tired suddenly, but she couldn’t deny that she enjoyed the special attention. Miki could have chosen anyone at all as her dress-up doll, and Setsuna imagined her eye for fashion would have made them instantly more beautiful. She just hoped Miki could find something on her that this expert would find worth her time.

The first shop was one Setsuna had been to with the Momozonos after joining them with barely more than the clothes on her back. It wasn’t as cutting edge as those further into Yotsuba, but it was within her comfort zone. About halfway through, she realized that was why Miki had chosen it in the first place.

“Aah, you look good in pants and skirts! It’s so hard to decide which is better,” Miki observed fondly, her hands clasped together in front of her. A pink-faced Setsuna was amateurishly turning for her in front of the dressing room, comfortable in the dark and delicately-laced skirt Miki had picked otherwise. It was already clear the compliments were going to make this feel like much more of a new experience than it was.

They left that store empty-handed. Miki had agreed with Setsuna that she didn’t need more of the same filling up her closet. On their way to the train, someone finally did acknowledge the two girls holding hands by waving at Miki. Friendly and composed, Miki used her free hand to wave back as they continued on their way.

“So you really aren’t embarrassed about being with me,” Setsuna said afterward, surprised by how relieving it was that Miki hadn’t moved away from her.

“I told you so. You’re not embarrassed about being with me, are you?”

Setsuna shook her head. “I think… I’m proud, honestly,” she admitted, and Miki’s smile radiated self-confidence.

Surrounded by buildings rising much higher into the sky, their next stop was a store with a clean and functional interior. Miki helped line a dressing room with sporty looks and then had her model the strikingly colorful assortment.

“I never thought about wearing these before, but they’re pretty practical,” Setsuna mused, looking down the length of her polo to the end of her cargo capris.

“They are, and they can be in style, too. If you keep up with the trends, you’ll find out when.” Miki looked her up and down as well. “It’s cute, but the mature look really does suit you best so far. Why don’t we move on?”

The next building Miki led her into was flashier, and the smooth black floor was shiny enough to see their reflections in. As Setsuna was more distracted by it than a lot of the clothes, Miki was the one to fill her arms again and send her on her way. Modeling the dark denim, torn band T-shirt and sleeveless black dress was getting easier, despite how radical the change was getting.

Of course, Miki’s support helped that a lot. “You pull off the cool look so well. If we were a little older, you’d look right at home at a live house.”

“You think so?” Setsuna asked, breathlessly pausing her rotation. The flattery was boosting her confidence, but it was also making her lightheaded.

“I do. Actually, I think mixing a touch of this with your usual clothes once in a while would bring out the best in you.”

“Thank you. But…”

“What?” Miki asked patiently.

“...What’s a live house?”

After Setsuna changed back into her own clothes and they held a short discussion, they agreed Setsuna should take the cropped denim jacket with her. One shopping bag left with them.

Miki was set on one more store she already had in mind, but on the way they passed an ice cream stall that her attention lingered on for a little too long. Noticing her friend’s distracted state, Setsuna tilted her head forward. “Do you want to get ice cream first?”

“Eh?” Miki’s eyes snapped back to her. “Well, if we do, we’re probably not going to want anything at the cinema.”

“That’s fine with me,” Setsuna said with a cheery expression, and once Miki mirrored it, they settled on sitting down with a pair of cones. Both of them managed to be surprised at the vivid swirls of color on display, and that made Setsuna feel more like they were on equal footing. They returned to their usual state of not holding hands for as long as it took them to eat, but resuming it afterward felt natural by then.

She’d never realized how adorable Miki looked when she was enjoying something that much.

The last stop was a boutique cute both inside and out, with a pleasantly pink interior and crowded clothing racks. The frilliest dresses Setsuna had ever seen were on display. They didn’t look childlike, but they were a lot to take in.

“You want me to try on one of these?” Setsuna asked, warily regarding the voluminous skirt of one of the mannequins.

“It’ll be refreshing,” Miki answered, winking at her when she glanced over.

Setsuna sighed. She was no match for this fashion style or her friend’s eagerness. “All right.”

She was promptly dressed up in both black and red dresses, a pastel blue skirt, and a matching frilly blouse. Miki was completely enchanted by the last combination, dreamily holding a hand to her face as Setsuna curtsied for her. “You look just like a doll,” she commented. “I’m too tall to manage that now, but your height is just fine.”

“So… it looks good?” Setsuna sheepishly clasped her hands together behind her. She was more than a little skeptical when she looked into a mirror, but the reflection in Miki’s eyes was always kinder.

“Definitely. I don’t think any of these were really you, though, so we should come back another day if you’d like to buy something. I’m sure we’ll find one that’s right.”

“Haha. I’ll think about it,” Setsuna replied, and she turned away her shy smile to slip back into the dressing room.

On their way back to the train, Setsuna was the one to lead them into one final browse at an accessory store. Filled with other students, the hair decorations and jewelry were impressively affordable. Despite the bustle, the atmosphere was cozy, with abundant sunlight illuminating the glass cases and quirky shelves.

“Did you find something interesting, Setsuna?” Miki asked from over her shoulder after they’d split up for a couple minutes. Setsuna nodded, pointing to a set of thin silver bangle bracelets.

“The gemstone flowers in the center are pretty, and they come in so many colors,” she explained.

A few seconds of mulling it over later, Miki plucked the bangle with the red flower and the bangle with the blue flower from the display. “They’re not expensive, so let’s get them.”

Setsuna blinked at her. “Just like that?”

“If you don’t want to, it’s too late to disagree now. We’ll have matching bracelets, just the two of us, so you can’t forget today.” Miki made for the register before Setsuna could get another word in, but she was happy enough to accept through simple silence. Outside, they each slid on their own bangle and took the other’s hand.

They returned to the cinema with a safe amount of time left before the movie. Miki took care of the tickets and their planned seating; Setsuna paid for their drinks. Never having been inside before, Setsuna kept looking curiously at everything around her, and Miki watched her in amusement.

Once she dropped down into one of the plush red chairs in the dim atmosphere of their theater, Setsuna sank right in. “Wow, I didn’t think about how much we’ve been walking until now,” she remarked quietly, careful to not disturb the clusters of other moviegoers seated around them. Time's gone by so fast.”

“It really has. Are you already tired?” Miki was seated in a more elegant way, but Setsuna could tell she was more relaxed than she let on.

“Not really. I could just use some time off my feet in something this comfortable.”

“Don’t fall asleep during the movie,” Miki teased. “We have to talk all about it when it’s over.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

Being so aware of the different nature of the day kept her nerves up just high enough to make sure of that. Her only concern now was the budding disappointment that it would eventually have to end, and whether or not that would prevent her from paying enough attention.

They whispered between themselves until the screening began, and then silent, comfortable darkness took hold for a long time. Whenever Setsuna felt her eyes drifting from the screen, she usually found Miki looking back at her. She sufficiently distracted herself with the cute couple’s misunderstandings and the adorable cat that kept them together, at least.

The lights came on again after the credits. Other attendees began to pick up their things and file out. Miki’s good mood was immediately apparent when the two moved to join them. “Keiko was such a sweet girl. It’s too bad her cooking sense wasn’t as good as her fashion sense.”

“It was nice of Haruto to try to teach her, even if the cat kept causing problems with that.” Setsuna laughed. “Little Yuki was so cute. I would have forgiven her even faster than they did.”

“Remember you said that next time Tarte does something you don’t like.”

“Eh—He’s different. He causes trouble even though we can understand each other, but I’ll do my best.” Setsuna shook her head with a smile, trailing along beside her on the low-lit path out. “This was a fun first movie to see. Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. I’m grateful for your company too,” Miki returned. Her gaze caught on a clock on the wall as they passed through the first hallway out. “I still have time before I need to go home. Do you?”

Miki really was giving her the entire day. Setsuna was amazed her friend wasn’t bored with her yet. Definitely not there yet herself, she said, “Yes, I do.”

“Is there anywhere you would like to go before then?”

Honestly, she’d been thinking about the answer to that already. It felt silly to say it, but it was both a place she loved visiting and one she thought might be a perfect end to the night.

Bashfully, Setsuna nodded. “Could we go to the restaurant up on the hill?”

—————

By dusk, they were seated at a table covered with a pale blue cloth. The clinking of silverware around them punctuated the warm murmur of conversations of other customers. Their table was inside under the soft lighting spaced throughout the dining room, but the beautiful sky was visible through the wooden awning over the deck. The place was so welcoming each time Setsuna walked through the door, and yet…

“It’s more expensive than I remembered,” Setsuna said awkwardly. “I didn’t think about it before now, because I was never the one paying for it.”

“Magazines don’t just pay in fun, you know. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn’t treat you to something nice?”

Miki said it so easily — girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend. Setsuna was too stunned by it each time to say anything in return. She was envious of that boldness, but also felt wistful over the possibility that it could be an act at all. With her eyes averted, she said, “You don’t have to go that far just for this…”

She was being awfully spoiled for a pretend date, and it was getting her hopes up.

“Don’t worry. You can pay me back just by enjoying it.”

Miki’s sincere smile was enough to ease anyone’s worries for a little while, and Setsuna nodded. “Okay.”

They discussed previous times they’d been at the restaurant once that was settled, both revealing it was with their families. “I’ve never been here without my mother before,” Miki admitted, looking around as if seeing the establishment in a new light. “It feels so mature. Coming here was a nice idea.”

“I’m glad you think so. I’ve only come here on the Momozono Monthly Eating Out Day, so it’s the same for me.”

“It’s sweet that your family has something like that. It’s never planned that far ahead for us.”

“I think it’s sweet, too.” She couldn’t take credit for starting it, but she could allow herself to be just a little proud of it.

They ended up on a tangent that led to a conversation on their separate schools, and their food came not long into it. It looked and tasted as delicious as usual, and Miki’s enraptured expression after the first bite of her pasta dish was one more adorable thing to add to the list. Setsuna was sure she made something like it when she tried her own, because she could hear Miki giggle from behind her contentedly closed eyes.

She still had room for cake once she cleaned her plate, but only barely. Miki suggested sharing a slice to avoid either of them being too stuffed to walk home, and Setsuna was quick to accept. The rich chocolate dessert melted in her mouth, and she couldn’t think of many more moments she’d felt happier.

Miki paid as promised. It was fully nighttime when they stepped out, leaving only the row of lamps guiding them along the path down the hill to illuminate their stroll. Setsuna had been the one to take Miki’s hand this time, and Miki readily accepted.

Before long, Miki’s arm snuggled up against hers. “It’s gotten chilly out since this afternoon. I suppose it is that time of year.”

Setsuna took a moment to look over Miki’s outfit and see the problem: she had long sleeves, but only a thin scarf around her neck. Of course she would be cold. “Just a second,” she replied, letting go of Miki’s hand and stepping back. She set the shopping bag and her purse down long enough to take off her navy blue blazer and hand it over.

Curiously, Miki took it in hand and blinked. “Setsuna?”

“Go ahead and wear that. I’m not cold at all,” Setsuna explained.

After staring at her a little longer, Miki laughed and rearranged her things to do as she was told. “You could have just given me the jacket you bought today. Now you should put that one on before you do start to feel the chill.”

“Oh, you’re right.” Setsuna returned the laugh nervously and reached for the shopping bag. The denim jacket went on smoothly. She then picked up her things and resumed the walk, feeling Miki take her hand a second later. Setsuna was still kind of embarrassed, but she managed to look over anyway.

For the first time, Miki had a satisfied blush on her face. “...But thank you. It feels more special this way.”

“N-No problem.” Hastily, Setsuna turned her head away. Looking out over the green hill to the wide expanse of Yotsuba, it occurred to her again that their “date” was almost over. She exhaled with the predicted disappointment, unable to find the words to express it instead.

“I had a great time today,” Miki said. “You must have tried pretty hard to understand me since then.”

“I did. You’re my friend just like the others, so I didn’t want things to be awkward forever. And you’ve gotten more patient with me, haven’t you?”

“Was I that obvious?” It was a time Setsuna could picture her playfully sticking out her tongue. “I wanted to become a nicer person, and I wanted to understand you better. You were an important friend to me.”

“Were?” Setsuna repeated.

“Er, well…” As Miki trailed off, she stopped walking. Setsuna paused with her, bringing her gaze back to the other’s conflicted expression. Their clasped fingers kept them connected. “I said it was just for today, but I realized I don’t want it to end here. If you don’t either, I’d like to be your real girlfriend.”

Setsuna froze for as long as it took to process what Miki said. Undeniably genuine this time, girlfriend struck her heart with a tender ache. She wasn’t sure whether she or Miki had the reddest complexion. “Do you mean that?”

Of course she did, but Setsuna wanted the reassurance.

“I do. Could we say today was a real date after all?”

“Yes,” Setsuna replied, a hopeful smile blooming. She stepped back toward Miki, closing the suddenly unnecessary distance. “If you’ll have me, I’d be happy to.”

Miki, too pretty under the lamp overhead, drew another few centimeters closer. Even if they weren’t the only two this far on the path, it would have been impossible to spare any thoughts for someone else. “Do you know what people on a date do now, Setsuna?”

She did. She knew even before today, but the movie’s touching end was still fresh in her mind. It was difficult to believe she could achieve the same happy ending even as she prepared herself for it. “Mm hm,” she answered softly, eyes half closed.

Releasing Setsuna’s hand, both of Miki’s rose to her shoulders instead. She only had the shortest space left to shut her eyes and lean in before her lips pressed against Setsuna’s in a brief, sweet kiss.

When Miki pulled back, Setsuna’s erratic heartbeat continued hammering away in her chest. Miki looked affected as well, but she quickly, outwardly, recovered. “Now, let’s get home before our parents worry too much,” she said confidently, winking at Setsuna as she took her hand one last time. She restarted their progress down the hill, now at a pace where neither was dragging their feet.

One more treasured memory for Setsuna to keep in her heart, their long day together gradually came to a close.

[intheseautumnhands]

Sorting Hat Chats: Oxventures

Hey look, I finally actually got a sorting post written! .... and it's one that I'm pretty sure interests absolutely nobody else, because I don't think anyone else in the Sorting Hat Chats community is into Oxventures, and also the reverse. But the brainwanderings will go where they wish and they don't ask me for permission, and I've been marathoning (and sleeping to) a lot of Oxventures lately, so let's go.

Just in case anyone does choose to take a look, I'll do a brief sum up of both system and canon, so that no one's lost. System first, because I have some other thoughts about canon I want to mention. The full rundown of the basics is here, but just so we're all on the same page:

A VERY BRIEF OVERVIEW OF THE @sortinghatchats​SYSTEM

Your Primary house is your motivations, values, and why you do what you do. 

Lion Primaries do it this way because their gut tells them it's right.

Bird Primaries do it this way because the system they've put together to guide them tells them this is what's right.

Badger Primaries do it this way because it's the best thing for the community as a whole, or for the most people.

Snake Primaries do it this way because it's the best thing for the people they prioritize.

Your Secondary house is how you approach the world, the methods that come most easily and naturally to you.

Lion Secondaries charge. They attack problems head-on and directly, and they're in their comfort zone when they are their authentic selves.

Bird Secondaries plan. They collect tools, skills, and information, and they're in their comfort zone when they're prepared for the situation.

Badger Secondaries toil. They put their nose to the grindstone or they build connections to get things done, and they're in their comfort zone when things call for steady, consistent work.

Snake Secondaries improvise. They're adaptive and quick on their feet, and they're in their comfort zone when they have the wiggle room to go with what comes to them.

Other terminology may come up as well. I will try and link to posts that explain it better if I end up using anything.

A VERY BRIEF EXPLANATION OF OXVENTURES

Oxventures is the D&D Actual Play show done by the youtube gaming channels Outside Xbox and Outside Xtra, DMed by Johnny Chiodini from the tabletop game channel Dicebreaker. They've been going since fall 2017, first in-person and now streamed. It is an extremely fun show with a group of very entertaining players that have been basically learning to play as it goes. If you're into D&D shows and not too bothered by a very hand-wavey approach to rules, I greatly recommend it.

There are, however, some things that make it difficult to sort. It's a comedy show, and while I don't think this is true for every comedy, in general, it's very easy for characterization to occasionally get passed over for a laugh. It's sometimes hard to tell what jokes are being thrown around OOC versus IC. And the D&D format means there is no going back and editing anything; characterization is developed on the fly, and there's already been discussion that talked about how some of the characters changed as they were being played. Also, it's action-driven -- you don't always get a lot of information on what's going through people's head, so motivation can be hard to pin down.

So it's a little difficult and I've gotten wobbly on a lot of them. Which makes it a great choice for my first sorting!

(...To be fair, it's my first sorting post. I've been watching this system and sorting things to myself for -- *checks when I first mentioned it* wait hold on five years? Really? Okay, cool. Excuse me while I sit and have a mental montage to How Far We've Come as I remember all the fine-tuning it's been through in that time.

Anyway, I've been sorting things to myself for five years, so I'm not new to this, I'm just new to trying to explain my whys, so I hope this comes out understandable. I'm sorry for the rambling, because we're already 750 words in and I haven't even started.)

   ANYWAY LET'S GET TO THE SORTING.

Corazón de Ballena, human pirate rogue  Corazón, oh Corazón, what... do I even do with you. He's clearly not a Badger -- fairness and other people's needs are not his priority. Between the obvious Jack Sparrow riff and the "pirate seeking glory" thing, my instinct is to say a Lion Primary, probably a Gloryhound Lion in specific. I could see a Bird Primary, just because there is something extremely constructed-feeling about Corazón -- I think his truth would look very Snake-like, prioritizing himself and the people he chooses, but I could see it.

But I'm going to lean into a full Snake Primary, I think. While he doesn't care about most people, he does care very much about the people who do matter to him -- see his whole complicated relationship with his father, even after his father tried to kill him; see his burning down a guy's house because he's mean to Prudence; to some extent, see his attempt to help end his old crew's curse. He puts people above anything else, but only the people he chooses to (or where can't help it, in his father's case) I think he'd almost like people to believe that he's Burned and doesn't care about anyone else, but he very much is not, though he doesn't seem to let new people into the circle often or easily, either. I could still very much see a Gloryhound Lion, but in the end I think if asked to put the party first or fame and fortune first -- he would complain, he would never let them hear the end of it, but he would also choose the party every single time.

For Secondary: Corazón would really want people to think he's a Snake. If he could read the descriptions and pick his own, I'm pretty sure he'd say he was a Snake. Adaptable, cunning, deceitful -- and it's not that he's not these things, but the way it manifests itself feels much more like a rapid-fire Bird Secondary. He's analytical, he learned magic entirely from books, and I haven't actually counted, but I would bet you that he makes more investigation rolls than anyone else. While his quickly thought up plans do work, they often tend to rely on things he already knows -- disguise self and minor illusion come up often, hiding and evading, etc. He seems to be one of the party that gets the most non-combat use out of his various magical abilities. It's a very quick and jack-of-many-trades style of Bird, but it's still very Bird.

Dob, half-orc bard  Dob is quite possibly the loudest loyalist primary... just, that I have ever seen, ever. To start with, I'm just going to drop this quote here: "I know there's good in you, jailor I just met!"

How about the way that he's first introduced as a bard who goes from town to town playing the lullaby his lost sister used to sing to him, searching for her. Or his habit of, to quote TV Tropes, "engaging in random acts of adoption". Or the time he tried to learn spells to apologize to the dead orphans. Or how he still managed to forgive the skeletons that killed the orphans. Or the time he forgave the cult that almost got them all killed. Or giving the cultists (from a different cult) relationship advice. Or the time he ended up listening to the jailor's marriage woes. Or....

Look, I could keep going but I think we've got enough examples. So: Badger or Snake? On the one hand he definitely seems to worry about saving his particular people first when there's danger... but, there's a level of guilt about innocent people who have died on his watch, and that habit of taking in random people on multiple adventures, that really makes me lean towards a Badger Primary. Dob seems to genuinely care about everyone they cross as a default, and of all of them, he's the first I can see coming to the aid of an enemy who he has no prior positive experiences with.

As for a Secondary, Dob is the master of quick plans, quicker lies, and steamrolling NPCs into going along with things. The entire party ends up thinking on their feet more often than not, but he seems to do his best work that way, as a Snake Secondary often does. Sometimes he goes so fast that he forgets something and makes a mistake -- which is how "don't be a Dob" has become a thing -- but his impulsive ideas actually work out more often than it doesn't, and he's also very good at connecting with a wide variety of people. On the page for Snake/Slytherin Secondaries, the SHC site says, 

"Slytherins will adapt to their own best advantage without thinking about it. They’ll walk into a situation and things will work out to their benefit without them quite knowing what happened or what they did to influence it." 

-- and doesn't that just fit with Dob's ridiculous amounts of luck?

He does seem to spend a fair amount of time in his neutral state, or at least adapting in a non-conscious kind of way. There is something generally blunt about Dob a lot of the time, enough that I considered Lion pretty heavily -- but in the end, he works best when he's running on the fly and making shit up, in a way that feels extremely Snake to me. And he's not only so good at lying, but so quick to default to it, that Lion doesn't feel accurate.

Egbert the Careless, dragonborn paladin Poor Egbert, the worst paladin. While his original order really seems to prioritize a very classic Paragon Lion Primary, Egbert barely seems to have a model of one -- it's more of a performance, which is being chipped steadily away by the rest of the party. He tries, but I can't see a genuine Lion Primary from his background killing people so casually. Or hitting an old man with a cursed mace over and over until he turns into a seal. And then keeping the seal as a pet. Or just... saying "maybe crime is good!" because he likes the food at the crime den. He's trying, but he's really not good at it. So the question remains: what is he?

I think it's hard to place him because, one, he really want to be that Lion. And second, whatever he is, I think the values that motivation is set on are... kind of in flux? I don't think he's super burned; I think he might be lightly charred at best. But: if he's a Bird, he's in the process of losing the truth of "whatever the Order of the Dragon Door says is right" to something that comes more from the party and probably more genuinely. If he's a Badger, he's in the process of changing communities. If he's a Snake, the Order is getting pushed more and more out of his inner circle, replaced by the party.

I was leaning Badger, but the more I think about it, I think that's the remnants of the attempt to play Lion. I think Egbert's a Snake Primary who is starting to shed his old skin. (There's like three layers of bad joke in that, and I'm sorry.) The Lion priorities made that Snake look a little more Badger-y, but he does so, so many things that just don't strike me as caring deep down about need. Like the thing where he turned an old man into a seal. I just keep looking at that incident and I either need to completely ignore that incident -- which is hard, when Seal Gaiman is still hanging around -- or go with something else. His reaction to Dana's bigotry in Snow Mercy does feel a little more Badger-y to me... but that could still be that Lion Performance flavoring, and/or a symptom of how the party as a whole gets pissed about anti-tiefling sentiment coming out in sympathy of another maligned race. I also feel like a Badger would be working a little more actively on atonement and stop getting distracted.

He is, however, a very loud Lion Secondary. While the party as a whole does a lot of ploys that involve deceit or talking their way into things, Egbert is rarely the one doing that part. He doesn't bother with subtlety, or with doing any of the many things he can as a paladin, which is how we got the whole glorious "you've been able to teleport for how long?" moment. He does sometimes manage to make connections that move the story along, and he always does it by being himself.

But most of all, I can't think of a better word to describe how Egbert attacks a situation than charging. I'm just going to quote again from the site: 

"their problems are met head on rather than subverted, negotiated, or cajoled. They have an efficiency so direct it’s almost combative." 

And that seems like Egbert to a T.

Merilwen, wood elf druid Merilwen is a Badger Primary whose version of "people" is "animals, my community, and also I guess these four now". She doesn't really seem to care about what would traditionally be considered "people", and Ellen (who plays her) has spoken about how Merilwen's morals towards non-animals is pretty much entirely influenced by the party --  but with the things she cares about she strikes me as extremely Badger. She's absolutely ready to throw down everything for the party, but when they're not in danger from it, she will also absolutely fight the rest of them for an animal -- see that incident where she talked everyone out of fighting the Owlbear. "Animals are hurt" or "you hurt my friends" is the fastest way to bring out her viscous side.

She could also maybe be a Snake who includes all animals in her circle, but: one, I very much feel like she'd choose whether to prioritize her friends or an animal over who needs her more. Two, the way she interacts with her family and her community in Elf Hazard seems very Badger to me. Her worry about not being able to see her family again, her unwillingness to disappoint them and decision to take a new name to make them happy, even after the danger is past. Things like Merilwen's Meat-Grinder also strike me this way -- specifically, her willingness to do massive damage to save the party and subsequent discomfort with having done it, even though she doesn't care that much about the people who were hurt even after having done it. "Fair and loyal" seems like a good way to sum up her morality in general. Her being so close to Dob and understanding each other so well also adds to this (even if a lot of that likely has to do with Ellen and Luke (who plays Dob) being so close as much as anything, but if I try to separate out things that are OOC-influence I will be here forever).

I'm torn between the foundational Secondaries for her: Bird, or Badger. There is something about her likelihood to fall back on "I turn into a [cat/bear/octopus]" as a plan that feels a little Bird-like to me -- that fallback on the favored, most well-used, best-understood tools, even in situations where it takes a little forcing to make them fit. On the other hand, she seems to be the one most likely to see a job that's not being done as part of the plan, and go fill that role. She's certainly steady, trustworthy, quiet, and consistent. I don't think she has a problem with shortcuts on many things, but could see her raising objections about things she actively cares about. She also often solves things by connecting with animals, which fits when you consider her people/community largely being animal-based. I'm still a little back and forth on this, but in the end, I'm going to lean towards a Badger Secondary.

Prudence, tiefling warlock I'm having a hard time putting my finger on Prudence. I think this is partly Jane's play style -- I feel like she's the least likely to go into what's going on in Prudence's head or why she's doing things, and she doesn't really have a driving goal we're aware of except "do things to make Cthulhu pleased", but that's mostly along the way. She's not a Badger. I would lean towards not a Lion; I guess it's possibly she's a Lion whose gut morality is about hedonism, "I should have what I want", or something like that, but I really don't get the impression that she has much of an internal morality overall. "Some things are just wrong and you can't talk your way out of it" (to quote the Lion/Gryffindor Primary page) absolutely does not sound like something Prudence would ever thing.

So again we're between the decided Primaries: Bird or Snake? I could see her being a Bird, but I have no idea what her truth is at this point. Still, I want to lean towards Snake Primary, specifically one that was burnt. We're going into how-IC-was-this-anyway territory here again, but there's a moment early on, in Brawl of the Wild, where Jane is narrating Prudence hurling herself in front of two of the others and stops mid-narration to ask "wait, why am I doing that" -- it feels incredibly like a Snake who's found themselves unburning while they weren't paying attention and now is trying to figure out how this happened. She's also pretty open with how fond she is of the party, pleased as punch when Corazón burns down the house of a guy who's an asshole to her, even more pleased when Egbert seems corruptible, seems genuinely happy that the group has gotten more lax about killing, and of course there's "You'll never leave me, Corazón, I'll kill you first" and hugging the Egbert-statue after he's been kidnapped when no one can see her.

But more than the party, what makes me lean towards Snake is her relationship with her warlock patron. There's nothing cold, nothing business-like, it's not even worshipful: Cthulhu-dad is kind of a joke, but... it's also not? Even if the actual fatherly-ness of it can be read as joking, she still genuinely seems to have warm, loving feelings for him, and that particular set-up really strikes me a loyalist thing.

(That gives us an all-loyalist party, but honestly, considering they're not the most moral people around and how quickly they all bond... that kind of works?)

Bird Secondary -- her plans tend to be the most practical, she has her favored methods for handling things, and her interest in all things magic strikes me as very Bird-with-a-favorite-thing. Her Bird seems pretty good at reading people, too, particularly knowing the party's strengths -- which is often chaos and making things up. She's not quite a rapid-fire as Corazón, but she's pretty good on her feet if need be... it's just that her lack of interest in what's morally right means the plan she usually pulls out is "eldritch blast". To be fair, it usually works.

IN SUMMATION:

Corazón: Snake Primary/Bird Secondary (possible Snake performance)

Dob: Badger Primary/Snake Secondary (possible Badger model)

Egbert: Snake Primary (attempting to model the Order and possibly Shattershield's Lion Primary, which comes off weirdly Badger-ish in the end)/Lion Secondary

Merilwen: Badger Primary (whose "people" are animals, the elf community she grew up in, and now the Oxventurers)/Badger Secondary

Prudence: Unburning Snake Primary/Bird Secondary

OXVENTURE IN THE DARK BONUS ROUND:

Very recently they've begun an Oxventure spin-off series, playing Blades in the Dark instead. We're only two episodes in, and since part of the plan is to rotate who's in each episode, most of them are only in one -- and since we've gotten so little of the new group, and so much can change as the players learn their characters and find their feet, I can't confidently sort them right now. But I think it'd be interesting to share some initial impressions and see how they hold up down the line. Spoilers for both episodes if anyone's behind, I'll put Lillith and Barnaby last just to be sure.

Edvard: If Edvard the inventor is not a Bird Secondary, I will eat my hat. I could see him going the way of the traditional SHC impulsive scientists who do things For Science, and ending up in Lion/Bird territory, or going towards Bird/Bird; at the moment I don't think he'll be a loyalist, but we'll see!

Zillah: I think we know less about Zillah than anyone else at this point, but we do know that, one, she's doing crime to get money for her family, and two, she seems pretty level-headed. I'm thinking maybe a Lion Secondary, leaning away from Bird Primary but at this point could see anything else.

Kasamir: Between his class/playbook being about having his fingers in a lot of crime pies, Johnny saying he's not really good at anything besides crime, and his slight mentor-y vibe in episode one, I'm getting Badger Secondary or Bird Secondary vibes -- leaning Badger right now, but we'll see. (I'm also getting Mozzie-from-White-Collar-but-more-physical vibes, but I cannot find the sorting that Moz used to be under, unfortunately. I want to say either Badger/Bird or Bird/Badger.) He doesn't strike me as a Lion Primary at this point, but we'll see.

Lillith: I was going to say Bird Secondary because she's leaning so hard into the intellectual, but so far she has tried to solve problems by befriending a ghost girl and convincing the workers to start a union so.... I'm feeling some Badger/Lion or Lion/Badger vibes coming off her at this point. She might slide into a more Bird-y role in the future, or it might end up looking more like a model.

Barnaby: Despite having gotten through two episodes now basically saving the day by being himself, I don't get Lion Secondary vibes from him -- actually, I'm thinking he could end up a Badger Secondary, just extremely far on the Courtier Badger side of the scale, and one that’s very full of himself. Not sure on that yet, though. Primary: no idea, but probably not Badger.

[elaraves]

A Humble Gift

Elara Ves walked alone with her Ghost through the decaying European Dead Zone. The sun shined brightly down upon her back, providing warmth in the current chilly climate. She continued over an overgrown cement roadway, past abandoned cars from a long forgotten era lying along it. Elara kicked a few stray pebbles below her feet, enjoying the small joys of being outside the Tower. She looked up to the tunnel she was approaching to see a familiar figure covered in darkened armor, sitting leisurely in wait on the rubble stacked on one side of the opening.

“So he made it,” Question muttered to her, “It’s kind of weird seeing him not at… well you know..”

“Why wouldn’t he come, we’re acquaintances now after all. We shared drinks to toast our victory last week,” Elara quietly responded from behind her equipped helmet.

“That was nice… It felt good finally having something to celebrate, even for just a moment. I don’t think I’ve seen you two at such ease.”

Elara smiled faintly, before returning to her neutral expression.

“I just wish he could have shared it with others too.”

They continued walking in silence, but Elara knew he agreed with her. The figure noticed their arrival and stood from his temporary post. Elara waved gently to him, faintly noticing his Ghost happily twirling into view beside him. They both turned to each other, most likely to converse as they patiently waited for her. When the two finally converged, they shared a firm mutual handshake.

“Glad you could make it,” Elara said.

“Well.. I have a lot of free time now,” the figure joked, his normal voice slightly distorted by the voice modulator in his helmet, “Now, what’s this “surprise” you have for me?”

“Follow me.”

Elara held a hand out below her Ghost and gave a soft nod. A beautifully crafted sparrow flashed into existence at her side. She threw a leg over the seat and turned to face her ally.

“Guess we’ll catch up with you,” his Ghost commented.

“What do you mean?” Elara teased.

She extended her palm to the space between them, a simple undecorated sparrow appearing beside her. She wished she could see his face past his helmet, but the giddy movement of his Ghost worked for now.

“She’s an older model. I used her briefly before upgrading, so I figured you’d have more use of her,” Elara said, “Feel free to decorate her how you like, she’s your’s.”

“Thank you,” her ally’s humbled voice said.

Elara waited a moment for him to get on and look over the control panel.

“I lied though, you’ll need to catch up,” she said, immediately pulling back on the throttle of her ride.

Her sparrow roared to life flying forward under her calculated guidance, leaving only a trail of light and dust behind. She weaved effortlessly down the darkened tunnel, bobbing back and forth around more destroyed cars and caved in architecture. Up ahead the light from the end grew larger before her, until she skidded to a halt outside the archway in the open air. She quickly looked behind to make sure her ally was following, to see them in steady pursuit behind. He was just being a bit more cautious, trying to get a feel for his new ride.

Elara turned back and continued forward over the grass, rock, and past the long abandoned encampment. Up ahead she found a familiar, partially destroyed attempt at a bridge over the gaps in the cliffs surrounding her. When she got closer, she lined up her sparrow and pushed it into the highest possible speed. There was a moment of weightlessness and adrenaline, as her sparrow flew up and over the collapsed section, before touching down upon the soil of the other side. She skidded to the side as she turned the nose to the left, and came to a soft halt just up ahead before a naturally-occurring rock formation. She turned to watch for her companion as she dismounted, letting the engine come to rest below her. Following her example, they flew less gracefully over the gap, coming to a more bumpy landing.

“Now there’s something you never thought you’d see,” she chuckled softly to her Ghost.

Her ally came to a hard stop beside her and let their arms fall off the handles.

“It’s just a short walk up ahead,” Elara’s voice broke the silence between them.

Elara allowed Question to transmat her sparrow as she climbed over the rock to continue down the path before them. He vanished from sight after finishing, and Elara’s ally and his Ghost followed suit.

It had been a while since Elara was last in this area, having been busy for months on her own in the field. She allowed herself to fondly take in her surroundings, now that it was quiet. Normally she’d be too busy to appreciate the trees and the accompanying hardy flora growing around them and at her feet. A few birds flew off the branches from overheard, chirping as they moved in unison. Elara stopped when she reached the end, a rocky ascent standing before her and a forced opening to a man-made structure inside to her right.

“What’s that?” her ally questioned, looking over the mangled debris that was scattered about.

“Oh, that’s one of the Black Armory Forges. I can explain a bit about it later, but it’s not what we’re here for,” she answered, before beginning to climb the rocky cliff face before her, “This way.”

With the combined use of her climbing and Warlock jumps, Elara had no trouble scaling above to the top plateau. Her ally had no trouble either, but relied on some of their calculated leaps inside of floating. Elara extended her arms forward to what she had waiting for them, once they both safely reached the top.

“And here we are,” she said.

Before them sat a neglected structure. Areas that had collapsed in or been destroyed were boarded up like rough patchwork, along with all of the windows on the first level. Vines clung around the outside walls and choked at least one side entirely. Nothing special stood out about the building, but it was at least standing with a roof intact.

“That’s an.. abandoned building?” her ally said confused.

She moved towards it and gestured with a wave for him to follow. “Not just any, come on.”

She leisurely walked up to the door standing in front of her and turned the knob on it. The two stepped inside, darkness encompassing them. Both of their Ghosts appeared at their sides to provide a light source, and Elara moved further in towards a piece of heavy equipment at the back wall. She flipped a few switches and the warm lights around them came to life. She hit another button and messed with a knob to turn on the makeshift heating elements. Elara removed her helmet and sighed softly in relief, before moving past her ally to set it on a countertop in a tossed kitchen area. She reached up to one of the many cabinets missing a door and pulled a pair of granola bars from the small stash of rations in it. She jumped up and sat atop a series of crates stacked along the wall beside her.

“Here, catch!” she said, holding one of the packaged bars up before tossing it over to her ally. He caught it mid air without issue, and sat at a tall chair on the other side of the counter facing towards Elara. Elara opened the packaging of her’s, and watched him as he set it down in front of him and moved his hands to remove his helmet.

The familiar glow of his golden eyes fell upon his gear. He brushed his raven-colored hair back into a comfortable place, the stray white streak following his fingers. The newly appointed Guardian, who still went by the name Crow, looked up at Elara.

“What’s all this?” Crow asked, the dull white tattoo across his face crinkling in confusion as he gestured at his surroundings.

“You like it? Figured you needed a new place as an option, since you’re not working for Spider anymore. I wanted it to be an upgrade, one that doesn’t stink and that you don’t have to fight Taken to get to,” Elara answered, before taking a bite from the bar in her hand.

Crow took a moment to look around. It was pretty dusty and barren. An old couch was pushed against the wall to his right with mismatched bedding dumped over it. A large wooden table with a few accompanying chairs sat in the middle of the space. The only carpet was a small rug to wipe your feet at the door and an average squared mirror with a crack in the bottom corner was nailed off-center on the wall behind him.

“I- I don’t know what to say.. Thank you,” Crow said, turning back to face her again.

“No problem, it’s the least I could do as thanks for your help with the Wrathborn,” Elara responded, “You’ve got all your basic amenities along with rations, tools, and supplies in these crates.”

Elara patted the crates she was sitting on to show what she was talking about.

“Oh and there’s more here,” she continued, shoving the last of her food in her mouth before jumping up to her feet.

Crow watched as she walked past him again, and stood before following her down a set of wooden stairs to a lower level of the building. Elara flipped a switch to turn on the light and continued to the bottom. There were mainly more scattered tools and books on a few tables, but there were also the two things Elara was most excited for Crow to finally have. Before them sat a clean bed, with various colorful pillows and warm bedding. A large white banner with beautiful golden and blue designs used for the Dawning event was hung on the wall it was pressed against.

“Thank you Elara, you are far too generous,” Crow softly remarked, his eyes still admiring the banner.

“Yeah well there’s also space upstairs, so if I need some place to “hide out” once and awhile, don’t be surprised if I crash here unexpectedly. That’s what this place was beforehand, a quiet place to come and think. Oh, and also to watch over the Forge occasionally,” Elara commented, “There’s not much traffic anymore though, and I haven’t seen many Eliksni this way in some time, not that that’d be a problem.”

“You care to explain this “Forge” now?”

“Right!” Elara almost shouted, remembering she never told him about it, “Come on, let’s talk as we unload the crates. I’ll take you in after for a little tour.”

Crow nodded in agreement, and followed Elara, as she walked back up the steps to the main living area.

[vimesbootstheory]

Reviews for books covered in episodes 111-120 of the Overdue podcast. Spoilers for "Across a Hundred Mountains" in particular. Discussion of death, gore and genocide (including infant death) for "Blood Meridian" discussion.

1. The Color Purple by Alice Walker 2. Winnie the Pooh by A.A. Milne 3. The Passage by Justin Cronin 4. Orange is the New Black by Piper Kerman 5. Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury 6. The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell 7. You Shall Know Our Velocity! by Dave Eggers 8. The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde 9. Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn 10. The Martian Chronicles by Ray Bradbury

. . .

12. Batman: The Long Halloween by Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale

13. Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay -- I don't trust the kind of person who can read this book and not fall at least a little bit in love with Roxane Gay. All the best parts of Bad Feminist are the bits that are the most personal, the closest to Roxane's own story, the standout being the entire section on competitive Scrabble. These are also the parts that are the most novel and have the least well-tread ground, and the flipside of this is that outside of those exceptions, I can't say that I learned much from this book. It's a more moderate approach to feminism than I'm used to, which is fine, it just means that it didn't push me out of my comfort zone at all, and maybe I wanted this book to push me out of my comfort zone. But then again, that's not Roxane's job. It was nice just to have some of those familiar feminist sentiments in front of my eyeballs in print. I will say, my eyes glazed over when she discussed pop culture material that I was unfamiliar with, but that is perhaps a byproduct of this maybe not being intended to be read cover-to-cover, but more as you would choose to read certain blog posts over others when browsing a blog. In any case, I was familiar with most topics she covered, so this was a rare issue.

14. All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque

. . .

17. Watchmen by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons

18. How Not to Write a Novel by Howard Mittlemark & Sandra Newman -- I love a craft book on writing, so I pretty much devoured this. A funny, if dated, read -- did not love the occasional transphobic joke, they were jarring reminders of how far we've come just in the past ten years. A lot of the tips were pretty obvious -- avoid being a racist, give your main villain motivation beyond just being evil, etc. Some are actually a little outdated, e.g. it used to be very in-vogue to advise writers to start immediately when things get exciting, maybe even in media res, but now wise writing advisors know that you have to develop your character a little first or the reader won't care about the action. There was the odd tip that made me tempted to pick up a hard copy and highlight, though it ultimately didn't happen frequently enough for me to take the trip to the bookstore.

I liked the what-not-to-do example passages, though after a while I started to become tempted to skip over them, since I was generally more interested in the idea being criticized than how the execution of that idea would read. I did roll my eyes a bit at the very 00s-brand feminist choice to default to she/her pronouns; please, for all that is holy, embrace the singular they. My himbos and enbies are writing books too, my guy.

19. Looking for Alaska by John Green

. . .

25. The Mummy, or Ramses the Damned by Anne Rice

26. Sabriel by Garth Nix -- I don't tend to really get into high fantasy, so it's a saving grace of this book that it has some necessary diversions from the usual formula, and it ended up being a pretty fun read, reminded me a bit in tone of the HDM series (though HDM is better). I enjoyed Sabriel as a character, even though I wish we'd been able to see her interact with a greater diversity of characters, I wasn't a huge fan of either of the other two main characters, found them to be watered-down versions of better characters. For a better Mogget, read the Bartimaeus series. I've heard this book accused of being a clear example of a female main character as written by a man, and for the most part I don't see it, although her complete dearth of important female influences in her life is a glaring exception. I really enjoyed the worldbuilding, especially the concepts involved with necromancy and Death, less so all the Charter stuff.

27. Girl With a Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevalier

. . .

32. The Secret History by Donna Tartt

33. Mr. Popper's Penguins by Richard & Florence Atwater -- This was a light, charming read. I like how it's fanciful and ridiculous (thanks to Richard) all plastered over with a semi-sensible finish (thanks to Florence). Very cute. Weird to think of people not being aware of penguins to the point that they would not recognize one if it paraded past them on the street, though it must have been the case at the time of writing.

34. Moby-Dick by Herman Melville 35. The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood

36. The Borrowers by Mary Norton -- A cozy tale, I liked it. The world-building for the borrowers is constantly amusing; I knew to anticipate all the fun little scaled-down equivalencies -- swimming in soups, using thread spools as stools, that sort of thing -- but the sociological world-building ended up being more interesting. I loved reading about the pride and entitlement of the Borrowers, and how they assumed that human "beans" were dying off, simply because they hadn't seen many in that house in particular. Loved the family-to-family differences based on where in the house they'd settled in. The ambiguity of the ending was an unexpected joy, in a funny way. I usually hate ambiguous endings but this one worked for me, even if the existence of the sequels spoil the ambiguity.

37. The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde 38. A Lesson Before Dying by Ernest J Gaines

39. Across a Hundred Mountains by Reyna Grande -- My favourite part of this book was the language. Grande has deft control over telling a story with simple, effective, unobtrusive language. It's an easy read, despite very heavy content. Juana is an emotionally compelling character, as is her mother, albeit in a different way. You can't help but wish that the world would let up on her, and indeed, at times it feels like the book is laying on the misery a little thick.

You can't really talk about the ultimate impression of this book without talking about its "twist" so SPOILERS:

My experience with the Fight Club-esque twist is that it took me... maybe about 2-3 Adelina chapters to figure out that there was something screwy going on with her identity. I had two competing theories: either a) Adelina was Juana, or b) at some point, Juana died with Adelina in her debt, so Adelina takes up her quest to find her father. It was too convenient, otherwise, why two characters would be searching for the same thing with such a lopsided share of attention given to Juana over Adelina. An odd turning point was when Adelina meets not-Miguel, the TBI sufferer, which honestly still doesn't really make sense to me. Yes, it's possible that a man with the same name and similar memories would exist, but the first time I read it, I assumed that Adelina was lying and choosing to let her father move on. Alternatively, both of my running feelings were wrong and Adelina had run into Juana's dad without knowing who he was. If I had been Grande's editor, I would have removed this encounter, as I think it's the weakest element any way you slice it.

40. The Turn of the Screw by Henry James

41. Outlander by Diana Gabaldan -- The most frustrating part of this reading experience came after-the-fact, from trying to have a discussion in good faith with Gabaldon fans about legitimate criticisms of the book. There is a fair amount to praise about this book, but it's got its problems. In my experience, Gabaldon fans won't hear about the latter; to hear them talk about it, you'd think all the events of this book really happened, and Gabaldon was just a faithful scribe putting it all on paper. So, let me be direct about this: This all came out of Gabaldon's brain, and she chose to write this story. Writing a book that revolves mainly around rape drama and corporal punishment, featuring a villain whose arc serves as a walking argument for queer men being sexual deviants, involves specific authorial choices that Gabaldon was under no obligation to make, and she is answerable to criticism for these choices. Deal with it. Coming back to things to praise, I enjoyed Claire as a character a lot. Though I was sometimes frustrated with her, it was mostly for Doylist reasons, e.g. why was she written in such a contrived way that she would feel almost instantly acclimated once she time travelled into the past? I love a good fish-out-of-water time travel arc and I felt robbed of that. Though I didn't love all the focus on rape as drama, I did appreciate Gabaldon giving time to how rape is just as traumatic for men (though if it had been a woman doing the raping, would it have been as sensitive a portrayal? I can't exactly know)... but then there's the caveat of Jamie's sexual harassment by the Duke being treated as a joke. The running theme is good points with caveats, is what I'm saying. Here, I'll end with a plus with no caveats: I liked the adventure aspects of the story a lot, especially the final heist to save Jamie, that was a lot of fun. The novel ends on a good note.

42. The Giver by Lois Lowry

. . .

63. The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe

64. Everything and Nothing by Jorge Luis Borges -- Read Borges' contribution only. Clever and conceptual, with a strong thesis. I'd read more of him.

65. In Cold Blood by Truman Capote

66. The Tenant of Wildfell Hall by Anne Brontë -- This book is my favourite of the loose genre of "idle rich British people entangled in romance plots based entirely on lack of communication" that I've defined in my head, on the merits of its feminism. This book sold me very quickly on Helen, and I was instantly on her side when her neighbours decided to try to tell her how to raise her own kid and made out like she was being unreasonable for not allowing randos to dictate how she should parent. Ridiculous. Couldn't help but continue to root for her throughout her torment of a marriage. She can be a little holier-than-thou but that's alright, it just gives her an interesting flaw. I find the epistolary format to strain my patience a little, and its place in the final third-ish in particular provoked incredulity. Gilbert is a dumbass and doesn't deserve Helen at all. This book gave me Opinions about the relative merits of the Brontë siblings and that was something I really didn't need.

67. A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway

. . .

96. The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides

97. A Boy and His Dog by Harlan Ellison -- If you've never read anything written by an edgy teenage boy, I could see how one could find Ellison's writing unique and interesting. Since I've read a lot of that niche of fiction (rarely on purpose), this all seems very mundane. It reads like a Fallout fanfiction written by a sexually frustrated youth about the age of the titular Boy. The efforts to shock prompted more than one eye-roll. The casual take on sexual violence read like someone's teenage rape fantasy, and gives the reader the impression of an uncomfortable peek into what Ellison jacks off to when he's feeling particularly restless. The fate of the residents of the underground society was pretty predictable. I liked that there were talking dogs, though. Fallout doesn't have talking dogs.

98. Foundation by Isaac Asimov

. . .

116. The Stand by Stephen King 117. Grendel by John Gardner 118. Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut 119. Persuasion by Jane Austen 120. Beowulf by Unknown 121. The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown

122. Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy -- Wow, am I ever glad to be finished this book. This was exhausting to read. I'll get the good out of the way fast: it's undeniably excellent prose. The descriptions are extremely vivid and well-phrased. You can't exactly say that McCarthy didn't achieve maximally gruesome descriptions of death and dead things. The thing is, it's too much. I don't consider myself a wuss when it comes to gore, but when it becomes so overwhelming that it feels like the author is including me in his weird little fetish without my consent; and, on a bigger note, when the onslaught of gore is SO constant that it actually becomes boring, that's when you've gone too far. Because yeah, a good chunk of this book is pretty damn boring because there's nothing in it but description after description of people being killed in grotesque but minimally inventive ways. It's not even a case of desensitization, I don't think, because it doesn't sensitize you to the deaths to begin with. At no point does the narrative treats the victims of violence as actual people, they're more like horror movie set dressing. Early on, I had a glimmer of hope that maybe it would end up being unintentionally funny; this was hinted at when the gang stumbles upon, of all things, a tree filled with dead babies. I literally laughed out loud. OK edgelord, I get it, you're very grimdark. Seriously, dead babies are an extremely stale shorthand for shock value -- remember those old dead baby jokes? I found that I couldn't even muster any anger at the fact that there are zero significant female characters in this book, since a) characterization of all the characters was pretty lacklustre, such that I frequently forgot characters' names, and b) I wasn't exactly going to root for a diversity win in a troupe of scalp hunters. I knew going into this book that it would be brutal, but at the very least I had thought that it would have something Important to say about the genocide of the Native Americans. Unfortunately, in the end the politics were a little too Bioshock Infinite, oh-no-both-sides-are-too-extreme-actually fuckin nonsense.

123. Fifty Shades Darker by EL James 124. Fifty Shades of Grey by EL James 125. Portnoy’s Complaint by Philip Roth

[whumping-every-day]

Not used to freedom?

From Anonymous:  ooh could you do ‘not used to freedom’ for your little vampire?

Thank you both so much for the requests! I’m afraid I did it with Gabriel instead of Ash, but I hope you enjoy anyway! This is set a few months after the latest chapter installment.

Tagging the Gabriel gang:  @pennsss @silver-sparrow-462 @silverinkgoldenquill @kestrelsparverius @learningtowhump @latenightcupsofcoffee @jay-whumples  @what-huh-imconfused @pepperonyscience @blue-flare10 @robinshouseofwhump @cagefreebirds @whatwasmyprevioususername  @captivity-whump @pink-and-purple-flowers @gonna-feel-that-tomorrow

ALSO! There are two new Gabriel drabbles out, here and here. Not necessary to understand this one, but may help with context. 

Content Warnings: The same blurry line between creepy comfort and caretaking, panic attack, agoraphobia, pet names, lots of softness, touch starvation, cuddles, conditioning.

Masterlist 

–

“Are you sure, sweetheart?” 

His Mistress’s voice is gentle, even though this is not the first time she’s asked. Gabriel stares at the open front door for a long moment, feeling ice and butterflies in his stomach, and gulps. He can’t make his mouth work, and he can’t tear his eyes away from the world outside of the door; the sunlight, and the grass, and the sky that stretches so far, up and up and up… it goes on for forever, and it’s all empty and bright and so high up. 

Too high. It was too high. 

Gabriel takes a shuddering step away and whimpers. 

“Maybe this is too soon.” Gabriel has quickly learned that his new Master likes to move quietly, but he still jumps a little as Stefan appears behind him. The man shoots him an apologetic look and gently bumps their shoulders together. “Sorry, bud.” 

At first, the casual touching was frightening; Gabriel is not used to contact that does not bring pain. But his Mistress and Master have been so patient with him as he works through his fear. 

He is sure that the gentleness will be used as leverage, soon. They’ve gotten him used to kindness; his Mistress stroking his curls, or his Master’s hugs, or the way they sometimes let him sit at their feet for movie night. There are unlimited head pats, on those nights. His Masters had offered these things, and Gabriel has latched onto them greedily. 

That was to say, when his Master gently bumps their shoulders together, Gabriel no longer cringes and cowers from it. Instead he ducks his head with a faint flush on his cheeks, feeling his insides turn all warm and squirmy. 

“You don’t have to go out if you don’t want to.” 

Gabriel draws in another unsteady breath, glancing from his Master’s kind smile to his Mistress’s warm eyes, and then back outside. He should be eager to go outside, shouldn’t he? Just being allowed in the house instead of the basement or a cage was a privilege. So why did looking out at the pale blue of the sky make him feel like he’s about to fall off of the surface of the Earth? Gabriel clenched his fingers tightly, and forces himself to take a step closer, then another. The doorway yawns, like a great, gaping mouth. 

There’s a rushing sound in his ears, suddenly.

“Gabriel? Sweety?” He can hear Mistress’s voice, but it’s like it’s coming from underwater, echoing and distorted. He can’t even hear the thin, reedy sound escaping from his own mouth. “Okay. Yeah, this was too soon.” 

The front door is closed, and then Mistress is shrugging her coat off again and dropping it carelessly by the banister. Gabriel’s eyes track it purely out of conditioned habit; his Mistress’s nice things shouldn’t be on the floor, they’ll get dirty… Gabriel will hang it back up in the closet as soon as he’s allowed to tidy up again. As soon as he can get his lungs to unfreeze. 

“Come on, bud. Walk with me, that’s it.” Is he walking? Gabriel glances down, and only then sees his Master’s hand at his elbow, steering him into the dining room. Gabriel can’t feel his own feet, and it’s like there’s a heavy weight pressing down on his chest, suffocating him. There’s still the sound of faint gasping, someone breathing much to shallow and much too quick. “Good, Gabe. You’re doing great. Now sit for me, there you go…” Gabriel’s knees buckle, and he collapses down onto the couch and folds in on himself, hiding his head against his knees. Why is it so hard to breath? 

The boy zones out for a while after that; someone comes and goes, and there’s a hand rubbing gentle circles into his back. It’s wide and broad; Master. A weight sinks onto the couch beside him, and then he’s being carefully pulled into another, softer warmth. Mistress. 

“Try to breathe with me, Gabriel,” she’s murmuring. “Slow down, sweetheart, that’s it. Breathe out for me. Out, all the way. Good boy. Now in, deep as you can… good. Hold it. Now out.” 

At first, Gabriel has trouble following her instructions. His lungs seize and flutter, and his breaths come in hiccuping gasps. But she is slow, and patient, and his Master is still rubbing circles warm and soothing against his back. He’s almost afraid that it won’t work, that the crushing band around his chest will continue to tighten until it crushes him. But the firm, gentle commands are easy to cling to, and eventually, slowly, Gabriel feels that band start to loosen. 

It’s a long time until he can breathe right again. As soon as he starts to feel whole again, Gabriel becomes aware of the way he’s shaking, and the tear tracks lining his face. 

“I guess we’ll save a walk for another time, hmm?” His Master is on one side, warm and big and comforting, like a rock. His Mistress is on the other, softer and smaller but holding one of his hands in a vice grip. Gabriel brings in a wet breath at the words, and it’s ragged and sore in his throat, clogged with tears. 

“ ‘m s-sorry,” he stutters, and his voice is rough like he’s been screaming. 

“It’s alright, little one.” His Mistress presses a quick kiss to the top of his head, and his Master nods. 

“Is it alright if I touch you, bud?” His Master is the one who always asks; Gabriel does not quite understand, but he nods anyway. When the man wraps an arm around him, Gabriel practically falls into his warmth. 

“We don’t have to go outside until you’re ready.” His Mistress leans forward to pick up a glass of water - it’s already set out, like it’s  waiting for him. Gabriel’s hands shake, but he drinks the water like he’s starved for it, and then sniffs again. 

“Don’t feel bad, buddy. Different things freak us all out.” Stefan sounds like he’s speaking from experience, and he gives the boy’s frail shoulders the gentlest little squeeze. 

“It would be good to know, though…” Gabriel tenses as his Mistress speaks, but she only shakes her head. “What was it that scared you so much? Was it just the thought of going outside?” 

Gabriel bites his lip and tries to think. He’s still wearing the coat his Masters had put him in; it was thick and warm, and they’d insisted he wear it before being allowed outside. But outside has turned into something much different. 

“It’s - it’s so b-big.” It sounds stupid when he says it out loud. But his Mistress is only humming softly, and looking at him with those eyes of hers, the ones that seem to see everything. 

“Agoraphobia.” It’s his Master’s voice, and Gabriel blinks up at him in utter incomprehension. He’s never heard those particular syllables arranged in that order before. 

“You think?” 

Stefan nods to his sister’s question, absently reaching up to stroke his fingers through Gabriel’s hair. Gabriel immediately goes a little looser, easing into his Master’s bulk with a quiet sigh. “It makes sense. Considering.” 

“Mm. Yes, I think you’re right.” His Mistress hasn’t let go of his hand, and she gives his palm a gentle squeeze as her attention refocuses. “How do you feel now, sweetheart? Any better?” 

Gabriel nods, still curled into Master’s side as the man pets his hair. “Y-yes, Mistress. ‘m sorry, masters.” 

“Now, now. No more apologies.” Maria pats the back of his hand as she lets go, and she takes the empty cup as she gets to her feet. “How about this. Gabriel, you’ve seen our back patio, right? It’s like a little gazebo, with a roof?” 

Gabriel has seen it, although he’d been careful not to be caught looking. He gulps at the question, and it feels as though it’s some kind of trap. But he has to know, by now, he thinks to himself. He has to know that Mistress and Master don’t play those kinds of games. They’ve always promised to be clear with their rules, to not make him guess. 

“Y-y-yes, Mistress, I - I’ve seen it.” It feels like admitting to a terrible crime, but his Mistress just nods. 

“Okay. Would you like to try something different? Maybe we can eat dinner out there tonight. It’s not quite outside, but… it’s something.” 

When the conflicted silence stretches on too long, Stefan gives him a light squeeze, rubbing his upper arm. “You can say no if you want,” his Master murmurs. 

“I - n-no, I-” Gabriel breaks off and bites his lip. He’d wanted to go outside, before, he really had. It was the sky that had frightened him, too deep and vast and unprotected. But the back porch has a big, spired roof, and sides, too. It would be safe there… and he could taste fresh air again. “C-can we try it, Mistress?” 

Maria smiles gently, and she reaches out to ruffle his hair. Gabriel murrs quietly, automatically tilting his head into her fingers like a large cat. “Of course, sweeheart. I don’t want you going any further than you’re comfortable with.” 

In the end, Gabriel’s legs are still shaking, so Master carries him upstairs to rest while they both make dinner. Gabriel still feels terribly guilty about lying around while his Masters work, and he’s sure he will pay for it once he’s stronger. But for the moment, he curls up in his soft nest of blankets, and closes his eyes. 

He can handle the porch, he thinks, even if it’s scary. And it is scary. But he wants to be outside, and he wants to feel fresh air, and he wants to make his Masters happy. Getting some sun will do that, he hopes… Gabriel knows he’s still sickly, even though he’s been gaining weight at an unprecedented rate. He wants to be able to handle this, for them and for himself. 

And who knows, maybe one day he’ll be ready to try going for a walk again. 

[datarevived]

   -- X.X ᴄʀᴀɴᴋ ɪᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴇʟᴇᴠᴇɴ

It's a quiet day today outside the City's walls. With a sky clear as the great sea, and the sun beating against the gentle winds of nature, it's a well enough day off that anyone could ask. The sound of revving sparrow harrowing in the distance.

" Y'know, I did say you'd make it out as a Hunter. "

It had been two Guardians that had taken advantage of the day and recent occasion. Of the duo, an Exo seeming incredibly enthralled over celebratory matters -- digits fumbling over different knobs and settings as he sat upon summoned bike. His Ghost, a familiar eye sore as it hovered near the front of the vehicle, scanning for any inconsistencies before complying with the ideals at hand, as if making note to every detail that structured the sparrow thus far in its' anatomy. 

" Yeah? " secondary voice speaks, arms crossed upon blossomed chest as Awoken eyes blink at the scene at hand. Dawning that of a wrinkled cloak, recently gifted by the Vanguard, himself, she prides herself in its' notion with a brief chuckle, tilting her head in speech. " Something you guys see that I can't, I guess. Just kinda, going with my gut now. "

" And I get to ride alongside the notorious rep of a Hunter, " a secondary Ghost chimes in -- its' frame recently painted over from pristine whites to a darker, deeper violet.

" Oh, come on, it's not gonna be that bad. Besides, what's so bad about Hunters? Hawthorne and Ikora made the guy sound like a nutcase, but really aside from Bex here, he's the only one whose talked to me like a person, " the Hunter sighed, waving a hand in tone. " Maybe it's an Exo thing? "

The other having been concentrated on something else at the time, sensors heat at the mention of ones' name before turning his neck around toward the other. Golden optics blinking in mild confusion, " --Huh? What? You called? " a sudden spark pinching against the steel beneath cotton gloves, "  --ouch!-- Screws, you said this part was clear! "

" S0rry. "

" Ugh, it's really like you're tryin' to get rid of me some days, " the Exo whined, a dramatic hurt in his voice before snapping back over to the other duo. Shifting upon the seat slightly as he stretches his back some, resituating posture with hands resting in front of his sit. " S'what's an Exo thing? Being courteous? "

" Somethin' like that, " Selene giggles, waving a dismissing hand on the subject before walking over. Icicle-toned eyes examining in further detail the exterior workings of the vehicle, few numbers and gauges highlighted in a red print against steel plating. The handles, both equipped with protruding locks and buttons, none to which she understood how they worked. 

Not yet, at least. 

Having accidentally committed to driving lessons in her recent return of the City below, Bex being far more excited on the subject of teaching. She couldn't help but feel somewhat mislead, that it would in fact be the witnessing of ones' learning, and not necessarily the teaching routine that provoked the gleeful intent. At least she knew how to shoot a pistol, now.

" So, real easy, right? " Bex comments, scooting back slightly as he gestures towards the monitors in front of him. " This one is your speed, and this one tracks how far you travel from point A to B. Real handy when doing recon," he points, moving his finger elsewhere to a secondary dial, " This? Never really remember what this does. But, never seems too important? Screws hasn't told me anything about it. -- Anyway, this here? " a mashed in button, " Use to be a firin' ma'jig before I busted it up beyond repair. Could never bring myself to bring the ol' girl to the Holidays for a tune up -- "

" He has not paid off his debt for the last run, " his Ghost interjects. Pausing the explanation completely, Warlock's head prodding toward the front of the vehicle.

" Hey -- Screws? Ya done good buddy. Pack it up now. Catch some zz's! " the Exo sneered, waving a wrist towards the front of the sparrow. A hesitant means to react before the curved-shaped shell dissipates in a flash. For good measure, awaiting several seconds after before turning yellow optics back to his Awoken ally, addling a shrug. " And this here, this is your gas, " he extends a hand upon one of the handles, twisting it gently as it purs. " More ya twist, more ya go. Always important to have both hands -- and if you wanna go really fast, use both hands! S'great! "

" Both handles are used to.. accelerate? " her head tilts a moment, perplexed. 

" On this model? Sure! "

" Is that even safe? "

" Is what safe? " the Exo blinks.

" That... know what? Never mind. "

" That doesn't sound safe at all, " the remaining Ghost whirls, its' optic narrowed in concern as it looked between the two Guardians. " Are you sure this is the right place to do this? "

" It's fine Data, " Selene assured, giving a nod in his direction.

" Data? Buddy has a name now? " Bex inquires, looking over upon the painted shell as he hops off the sparrow. " Nice to properly meet ya' acquaintance, little light! "

Taking her own turn in the seat, the Awoken slides over in place -- her feet just barely touching the ground from where it hovered as she picks up the conversation. " They're like little memory machines, right? I figured Data would be a easy name for him. " A hand running over the glass of reflective numbers, she picks up her feet and rests them upon the grips at its' side. Getting a feel for comfort before utility, the steady hum comforting to the rumble in her chest.

" She's a little out-dated, but, still does the trick jus' fine, " the Warlock moves over towards the front, giving the build a soft pat. " Had her since... man, time goes by fast. "

" You name your sparrow, too? "

" Name? Well... I mean, yeah ... who wouldn't? She uh... Her names' uh... F.. A.. Asterid. Asterid's her name, reliable girl. "

" Does Screws know about this? " Selene smirks, quirking a brow in playful question as doubt swims effortlessly in the air. 

" Screws? 'Course he knows! He and she? Best friends. Hands down, " Bex nodded, lifting his open palms aside in defensive measure. " Except for when shes' feelin' testy. Then they're not best friends. "

"And you mentioned before that uh... if something does go wrong, your Ghost can reforge the sparrow in its' entirety, right? " the Hunter hums, now resting both her hands upon handles, softly gripping and getting a comfortable lean in her posture. Though careful enough to not accidentally trigger anything -- the tensions upon grips still resting at her fingertips.

" Sure can. Part of their little gift - small things like a sparrow or somethin', scans and duplicates it just like us. Makes for a nifty transport when you need some speed out in the blue. Or when y'uhh... y'know, miss a turn going too fast and launch off the cliff side. "

" ...What was that last part? "

" A poorly learned experience -- moving on, " the Exo snapped, rolling his wrist with an index pointed upward to the sky. " So! Ready to rev'er up? Know what true speed n' bliss is?! "

" How bad can it go? " the Hunter chuckles, responding with solid nod before turning her attention back forward. A landing zone of flat land for at least a couple miles, little to no obstacles in the midst for her to get use to the steering. It would be a safe cruise from here to there, simple and easy. 

The feeling of power resting beneath her grip, she then cranks one handle forward -- the reaction being... less than expected, the sparrow hardly moving in place but several inches at a time. Confusion muddied her face, a look around before testing both handles at once, this time, only amplifying the speed by a whole 'nother foot worth of travel. Bex and Data standing in place with hopeful expression -- the Exo somewhat cracking in its' exterior as he tried to figure from a distance why the sparrow was moving so... slow.

" Hey, Bex? I think something's wrong, " Selene calls over, both hands still cranking both handles with little to no progression. With a brief jog is Bex able to catch up, over looking all the gears and settings, searching for the issue. It isn't until he scans near her hands that it's found, like a light bulb igniting over ones' head if he could smile.

" Oh, silly! Your pinky is holding on the break, too! " he points, the two far right of the Awoken's fingers having rested upon one of the protruding elements against the handles. " Just take your fingers off that and it'll -- "

                                           --- NYOOOOM ---

It was like a rocket, soaring at the speeds from 5 to 80 miles per hour. The sonic boom of ones' jets, enough to knock the Exo to the ground, flat on his bottom -- optics flickering temporarily in disruption before he shakes himself back to static. Both his sparrow and the Awoken it held captive, now far beyond reach at speeds he hadn't even tampered with personally. A soft hum, as the Ghost approaches the grounded fellow, its' own blue optic blinking in severe concern.

" O-Oh no. Is she going to be all right? "

" She uh... I mean, that's what you're here for, right? " hand raises to the back of his neck in a pinch, before dragging himself upwards to a standing position once more. Shaking out the sand between his exterior parts, arms and legs, before pumping himself up in a sprint to go catch up with his doomed friend. She's gonna be so pissed. 

" Seeeeel! We're coming Sel!!! "

" Ah! She's over here! "

" You --whew-- ya' found her? --hhh--, man. Really -- really gotta, --huff-- get this whole, air thing checked out -- "

It had taken under three miles before registering an immediate location, but in the glance of scanning the wood, Data was able to track down his Guardian with relative ease. A small body, crumpled into itself against the bark of a tree, soft hissing becoming more apparent the closer the two approached before peering into a bush and finding the girl in one piece. Several scratches across her clothing and a single light cut on her face -- she's holding her arm in doing so when blue eyes raise to meet her lost companions.

" Oh -- hey. "

" Sel! " the Exo greets happily. " Man, we thought we'd lost ya! How you feelin? "

" I uh... not... great... " she admits, a cynical tone twisted in her words. A pause in between as she thinks for a moment, following the nudging of ones' head in further forward direction near the road. " You're uh... gonna need that maintenance, " it's spoken in favor of the missing vehicle, a cloud of dull smoke channeling a bit more forward past the fallen trunk of a tree. A clear dent in the mass where impact had crashed upon, inevitably flipping she off the sparrow, and the bike itself to... well, it was too loud or bright to tell at the time. Her priorities remaining to clear distance and get off the road. " Don't think Asterid's taking it too well. "

" And I don't think you're taking it too well, " Data mocks, hovering over towards his Light as he scans over her bio-metrics. " You've injured your arm. Should we get you to a medic? "

" Probably? "

" We'll get ya back to the Tower, then, " Bex agrees, looking upon his own shoulder in silent beckon of ones' Ghost, Screws illuminating back in and steering himself near the roads. With minimal effort, its' as if he's done this too many times -- light accumulating in the shape of the defeated sparrow, not a scratch in sight as it's placed gently on the ground, ready for power. " I'll uh... I'll do the driving. "

" Yeah -- yeah, no. I don't wanna... I don't wanna do that again, " Selene shakes her head, causing her world to spin temporarily, eyes going crossed. " M'wait... for my own. "

" I'm sure Holiday can get ya somethin' more your fit, " Bex laughs as he climbs over the bush now, bending a knee and wrapping her uninjured arm around his shoulders. Helping her up and guiding one back to the road, he seats her in front first -- a taken consideration that it'd be difficult to hold on from behind with her injury, before sliding on the narrow backside, himself, stretching his arms as far forward as he can without squishing her against the counsel. 

The notion causing the Awoken's face to flush -- both a side of embarrassment for having totaled the others' vehicle and paying the price, and the other, being so close proximity to another person. It was... stressing. Knotting stomach comforted only by the soft purring of the sparrow, she looks over to Data in a dismissive tone before they journey back towards the City. This time at reasonable speeds, the Hunter able to properly sight-see as they rode back from which they came.

" I'm going to safely assume that someone had their hand pulled on both handles, eh? "

" I'm going to safely assume that I don't hear you talking. "

" Haha! Fair, fair. Did you at least have fun? "

" I don't really consider something that is panic educing to be my peak set for entertainment. "

" Everyone has their preferences, " the Exo snorts. " How bout this -- we get you checked out, then we go grab some food. My treat for not having a bachelor in sparrow training. "

" You're telling me you're not even certified? " she teases.

" Not even a little bit! "

" Mm... fine deal. But you're coming to the Tower with me. "

" Spicy ramen here we come! "

[k-joonie]

Little Band of Misfits

??? x reader

A/N: The violence in this might be a little triggering to some. Not to mention the vulgar words used. Read at your own cost. I may continue this in the future??? Idk?? Lemme know if you want me to (*´∀`*) Also, to go with how Korean high schools work, the hyung line is 18 and the maknae line is 17. Korean age ofc (*^.^*)

You worked hard for your money. Growing up in a bad part of town with just you and your father taught you the value of it. Especially with your father sick and out of work, you learned how to juggle school and work. With two part-time jobs and only being in high school, you didn’t have time for anything. You went to school, went to work, then went home. Free time was nonexistent.

At school, people tended to steer clear of you. You did your work and didn’t bother anyone even though you were often seen getting in trouble violating the school uniform or not completing your homework. You tried to complete the homework, but you often fell asleep in the middle of doing it. Most students stayed away because of this, thinking you were a bad student. You didn’t mind. That was fewer people in your business.

Sitting at your desk, you pulled out a pen and a notebook, waiting for class to begin. Many of the girls in the class were fawning over one of your classmates, Kim Namjoon. He was a genius that never needed to go to the after-school cram hours as most other students did. He was also part of Bangtan, which was basically a gang made of seven members. All of the members were different in personalities and interests, but they seemed to be the best of friends. Namjoon was the leader, so that made him at least ten times cooler to the rest of your peers, but you didn’t give a single shit. The eldest of the four, known as the hyung line, were second years like you and the maknae line were in their first year of high school.

You zoned out for most of the school day, mind more preoccupied with what work would be like that night. Luckily, you made decent enough grades that the teacher had stopped caring that you didn’t pay attention. At this point, you were a lost cause. That night you were working at the cafe until midnight, so you had to pump yourself up for the long night ahead.

Arriving at work, you put on an apron and your best smile. It wasn’t too hard to fake happiness at the cafe since most of the customers were fairly nice there. Those that came late were typically university student that needed a bit of caffeine and a quiet place to study. As soon as it hit midnight, your manager sent you on your way.

The cafe was not too far from your home, so there was no reason for you to take the bus. It would have just been a waste of money. “Hey baby,” a voice called from the alleyway. “What’cha doin’ out here this late at night? Daddy not here to escort you home? How about we show you a fun time.”

Huffing to yourself, you stuck your middle finger out to the bunch of bums in the alleyway. Before you knew it, they grabbed your hand and pushed you against the alleyway wall. “Oh, baby, you’re gonna regret that bad attitude. Only good girls get treated well,” another of the cretins spoke. There were two restraining you and one in front of your face, teasing you and creeping you out. You wriggled your dominant hand out of their grasp and punched the one in front on the nose. “You bitch!”

You managed to push the two that were restraining you out of the way and spin kick the other. The two you pushed away tried to come at you at once, but you managed to dodge their punches. A few more of their friends popped up. You tried to hold them off as long as possible, but they outnumbered you, so there wasn’t a lot you could do.

“Hey!” Another male’s voice had called out from where you couldn’t see. “Ganging up on a poor girl like that? At least make it even.” You turned your head to where the voice was coming from to see none other than Kim Namjoon and company. “There’s eight of you and eight of us. At it’ll make it fun.” The bums shrugged and went after the boys as well.

Pushing your confusion aside, you helped out Bangtan. You could hold yourself well in a fight. Considering where you grew up, it was a right of passage to win a fight in an alleyway. You had won your fair share of them. The fight ended when you and Bangtan were the only ones left standing.

Your rush of adrenaline leaving you, you fell to your knees. Everything hurt and your skin was covered in a mix of sweat and blood. That had been the worst you were roughed up in a while. One of the boys hurried over to check on you. “Hi, I’m Jung Hoseok. You can call me Hobi. What’s your name?”

“Y/L/N Y/N,” you managed to cough out.

“Hoseok hyung, you might want to let the one person part of Bangtan that’s the closest to a doctor as we can get tend to dear Y/N,” Namjoon warned. Hoseok nodded and moved out the way, only to be replaced by another of the hyung line.

“I’m Kim Seokjin, but you can call me Jin. Can I look at you closer?” the man asked you. You nodded and he started to check you over for your injuries. “A few lacerations and a bruised rib or two. Nothing too deep. We should bring her back to our place because she might need stitches. I can’t do much for her out here.”

Namjoon nodded. “Looks like we’re gonna need our muscle pig. Jungkook?” The youngest boy nodded and jogged over to you.

“Y/N? I’m going to pick you up. Just wrap your arms around my neck,” Jungkook instructed. You nodded and he slipped one arm around your back and the other under your knees. Fortunately, their house wasn’t too far away from where you were, so in fifteen minutes you were there.

Jungkook put you down on their couch as Jin went to the back to grab his supplies. Taehyung and Jimin made quick work to distract you from the pain after they introduced themselves. They all acted as if you had no clue who they were. You knew them each vaguely, considering they were all very popular at school for their good looks and air of mystery. Even Yoongi, who had refrained from introducing himself or making any kind of conversation.

“Y/N,” Namjoon interrupted. “I’ve been doing some thinking. If it’s okay with the boys, I would like you to join Bangtan. You’re a tough girl. I think you would make a good addition to the team.” The other boys nodded along as you continued to stare at him dumbfounded. “Each of us has our own role. Jin hyung is our doctor. While he can put up a fight, he shines more in patching us up. Yoongi hyung here is one of our main fighters. He really packs a punch. Hoseok hyung is more like a field agent. When we take jobs, he gathers intel about targets from those close to them. Talented in the art of misdirection. I’m the leader and the brains behind every operation. Jimin works with Hoseok hyung. He’s very good at getting information from our female targets. Taehyung is our computer guy. During jobs, he’s in charge of hacking into whatever system we need him to and making sure that any video evidence of our work doesn’t continue to exist. Jungkook is our muscle. Along with Yoongi, they both are our fighters.”

“I don’t really understand,” you said. “Why me?” The whole situation felt laughable to you. “Why would I want to join you? What’s in it for me?”

“Y/N, you work two jobs. You’re hardly able to take care of your father, much less yourself. With the money we pull from jobs and the occasional street fights we do on the side, you’d be able to provide your father with the best possible care plus enough for you to live comfortably.” Namjoon stepped a little closer to you. “On the subject of ‘why you,’ there are many jobs we missed out on because we didn’t have a female on our team. We’ve had our eye on you for a while. You’re strong, passionate, and have a loyalty to family. Those are qualities we all share.” Namjoon paused for a second and chuckled. “Not to mention you have one hell of a hook.”

You took a second to think. If you joined them, you could quit your jobs. No need to sell shitty pastries or wait tables. Not to mention that you could take care of your father. To hell with the questionable legality of it all, surely something most high schoolers did not have to worry about. “Okay, fine. I’ll do it. What do I do?”

Namjoon smiled. “Just wait, little sparrow. I promise that it will be a fun time.”

[salavante]

Aesop 29 or the Helmsman

(I’ve drawn his floating head a lot, so here’s him with his hood up, which I draw less) Also formal apology because I think like maybe no more than four people who follow me play Destiny, so a couple things may sound a little esoteric. I’d suggest checking out the Ishtar Collective (links to offsite) if I refer to something unfamiliar. 

Full Name: Aesop-29

Gender and Sexuality: Male and Homosexual.

Pronouns: He/Him.

Ethnicity/Species: Exo, from the little crop of Destiny fancharacters that I have.

Birthplace and Birthdate: Unknown factor. But Aesop was found by his Ghost in the middle of nowhere, in a southwestern state that I have not chosen yet. Arizona, Texas, Colorado and Southern California are all candidates. Aesop has just a little bit of a Texan accent. 

Guilty Pleasures: Aesop is trying to learn how to play guitar and is really bad at it, making him very shy and nervous about his attempts. Similarly, Aesop enjoys singing, but usually does it when no one else is around - because no one else has really heard him sing before, it is a well kept secret between him and his Ghost that he’s actually pretty good. I personally like to keep the list of music that he likes to the 50’s-60’s bracket to match the kind of retrofuturistic style that the Golden Age tech in Destiny has. We the viewer read it as being ‘old’, even if it’s much, MUCH older than we realize because the setting is far future. That’s really all that matters, that we recognize it as being antiquated. His favorite of the very small pool of albums he has access to are Marty Robbins’ “Gunfighter Ballads and Trail Songs” and Nancy Sinatra’s “Boots” and “Sugar”. Sojourn teases him about it and has thusly introduced him to the feeling of shame. He also likes drinking alcohol even if it doesn’t actually make him drunk. Sometimes he does it out of spite. Someone you don’t like? Pound his drink right in front of him and walk away.

Phobias: Aesop’s kinda agoraphobic - he feels trapped and panicked in enclosed areas with lots of people, can be overstimulated by large groups of people talking/making a lot of noise. This makes him mostly useless in large-scale conflicts. He has managed to curb some of this by being accompanied by Sojourn or Calico to areas or situations that are high risk (whether that means a combat scenario or just going to The City), but this can get squirrely because Calico doesn’t have a ghost anymore and if killed would die permanently, and Sojourn has a tendency to get worked up in a fight and leave him behind on accident. If everything goes well though, Aesop is perfectly functional fighting in the small group that is his fireteam - himself, Sojourn (exo warlock) and King (human titan). His ghost, Chanticleer, can also sometimes talk him down if he’s starting to spin up into a panic attack. It’s something that he wants to fix, but, existing within the confines of your anxiety is a cold comfort that he indulges in. In general, he’s a very anxious person with a lot of existential dread, but he puts on a clownish, brazen act and hopes people don’t notice.

What They Would Be Famous For: Honestly, probably something very mundane, like breaking a dopey Guinness-style record or something like that. The entire point of Aesop is that he is very average in his skills in a world of blisteringly powerful space wizards and the like. I find his challenges are more about what goals he sets for himself and if those goals conflict with the status quo. Does his worth need be defined by how good he is at killing things vs. is the pursuit of personal wellness and happiness selfish in the context of a world fighting for its survival. Can these things coexist. etc.  

What They Would Get Arrested For: Probably something relatively benign done for the sake of pulling a dangerous stunt in the name of fun or looking cool. If he was a regular ass human in a normal modern setting, probably taking a nice vintage car for a joyride.

OC You Ship Them With: Aesop will have a love interest in the comic canon, but I’m gonna keep that under my hat for awhile yet. It’s not Cayde though, Cayde is dad. If Amanda Holliday was a man, he’d be utterly and entirely in love, but, alas. He’s still infatuated with her platonically though, and thinks she has pretty much the coolest job in the world. A promise of visiting her is a good way to entice him into going to The City.

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: When death is not a factor, this becomes less of an issue, hah. Aesop and his bff Sojourn have killed each other a number of times in training, to an almost nonchalant degree. Aesop has also been killed much more in training, by his fireteam’s resident titan, King. Aesop will also find a rival in a local Fallen pike gang, the leader of which has the placeholder name of Easy Rider. I also have a Cabal villain I am throwing around and trying to decide if they’ll stick, but I need to do a lot more work and research on that. They’re my least favorite enemy type mechanically, but I think they could make perfectly acceptable antagonists in a narrative. 

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Aesop does not read. He can, he just doesn’t. I think maybe, MAYBE, someone could get him to read comic books, but those aren’t very sturdy and I feel like the amount of intact physical copies at this point would be almost nothing. The pool of movies and media that he has available to him are very sparse, but he absolutely drowns himself in spaghetti westerns, and would probably also like trashy action movies if they were available to him. I also think he would like Grease, HAHA. It has cars and guys in leather jackets singing in it. He’d also probably like any kind of rustic, western themed musical. And anything with cars in it would have his immediate interest no matter how bad it is, but he’d zone out in any parts he doesn’t like. 

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: To be honest I think most of the time, movies are a little too long for him and lose his interest partway through. He has a really short attention span and anything too long, complicated or artsy will lose him and he’ll start being fidgety and chatty and start making his boredom everyone else’s problem. Even if there’s a movie he likes, if there’s a part that’s boring to him, he zones out. He probably watches the same 2-3 movies over and over again, which is fine because his available library of media is probably really small. I like to think that they probably have movies in some kind of archive that they put up publicly in The City every once in awhile, like they have a projector that puts it on the side of a building and people just bring chairs and shit. Aesop has an aforementioned fear of crowds but he probably does some hunter parkour bullshit and perches somewhere at a healthy distance to watch from afar, as long as it’s something he thinks he would like. If he doesn’t he gets up and leaves.

Talents and/or Powers: Aesop seems to have an interest in vehicles, but due to a bet with his mentor, Calico, he has not actually been taught how to drive a Sparrow and so pines for them from afar. As said, he’s learning how to play an instrument, and if we want to be technical, is a Gunslinger speced Hunter with the Golden Gun super. He is very bad at being stealthy, as he is very impatient and is also a little bigger than the average exo. He’s just kinda tall and wide and tends to clunk around. If his Ghost Chanticleer wasn’t as clever as she was, Aesop would probably be perma-dead by now.

Why Someone Might Love Them: He’s kind of a dumbass and a space cadet but has the potential to be very sweet, and the people he cares about, he latches on to really hard. Similarly, when set to a task he cares about, he does not quit. Unfortunately, many of his goals are unresolved, but it does not mean that he will stop trying. If he were to, say, become romantically interested in someone, he would go to great lengths to connect with him, even if it meant doing things Aesop himself may not like. In specific circumstances, Aesop may find that he has a great capacity for nurturing and bringing out the best in other people, a talent Aesop himself undervalues. Though he’s not all that intelligent, Aesop is very reflective and existentially inquisitive, and thinks about a lot of big picture stuff that other people might push aside in an era of crisis. Though he may not understand science or the way the world works in a mechanical sense, he is awed by it, and is a great appreciator of natural beauty. He’d cry at a particularly beautiful sunrise, if he could cry. I’d say he could be described as having a romantic soul.

Why Someone Might Hate Them: To be honest, Aesop has trouble establishing empathy with people he doesn’t know very well, and so is less invested in Earth’s plight than he probably should be (it would not be hard for Dead Orbit to sway him to their views). This makes some people think that he doesn’t take his charge seriously, and they also usually assume that he’s a slacker because he’s plateaued in his abilities so early. Really, Aesop is acutely socially anxious, can have panic attacks in large crowds, and generally prefers to stay away from The City unless he needs to go there, and so has a big emotional disconnect from it. Calico and Chanticleer have tried to get him more accustomed to groups, but has been thusfar mostly unsuccessful. His insecurity and anxiety also cause him to pull odd, dangerous stunts to prove his worth, making him unreliable and impulsive. He can bungle social interactions rather spectacularly, and is easily goaded into doing really stupid shit. Really, he is a person who may just be “too much” for some.

How They Change: Oooooghhh….I can’t talk about this. I forgot how frustrating it is to not be able to talk about things because you’re going to make a comic out of it. Suffice it to say he’s gonna change a lot.

Why You Love Them: I think Aesop encapsulates a lot of anxieties I have post-college. Aesop is a person in transition who is unsure of his future, knowing only that he can’t quit now, because quitting means failure and failure means death. Because he is in transition, he is anxious about forming relationships with people, worried that either he will be left behind by them, or that they won’t like him when he’s “finished” becoming a person. I think he has a complex relationship with his personhood and sense of self. I dunno, I think that’s an interesting anxiety for a protagonist to have. I am also interested to see what Aesop will end up contributing to his society/organization and his interpersonal relationships, and if he’ll be happy with it. I’ve put a lot of work into him, the ‘original Aesop’ I had in mind might as well be a completely different character now. Aesop was originally a little cameo that I did in our TTRPG game, Godslaughter, because my boyfriend had put a dunmer cameo character into our game and I wanted to return the favor. Then he made a sheet for him. Then I decided to keep him around, then I decided to play Destiny 2, then I decided I loved it, lol. There is still a version of Aesop in the TTRPG but he is so incredibly different, they may as well be different characters. We refer to him as “Bad Aesop” but should probably call him something more dignified (we won’t).

[solar-born]

23 for the soulmate au; especially bc I def think long-term fireteams wind up with this problem early x)

23. the one where once you meet your soulmate, it’s physically uncomfortable to be apart from them for too long.

It’s an odd feeling, something Blaine can’t recognize or even name at first. It happens slowly as well. These things always seemed to happen slowly.

Blaine’s first mission with Lorenzo is something that feels trivial and far away now. Something about tracking Fallen movements over Venus, they hadn’t made much progress in the Zavala’s eyes, but did it matter? There were hardly any Fallen to even follow. Although, the mission shows him how resourceful Lorenzo is. It was like he could map out the area at a glance.

“This isn’t the first time we’ve met.” The Sunbreaker hums. The two of them lounging around a sniper nest. “You probably don’t remember but you shot me in the head once during a Crucible match.”

He laughs, and Blaine decides his laugh has a nice ring to it.

-

They see each other on and off after that. Sometimes, Blaine asks him to join his strike team. At least, if he’s not busy elsewhere. The two do take missions together, although solemnly as long as their first. 

It turns out Lorenzo is much younger than him, not that it matters. When has age ever made sense to Guardians? 

It just feels like he’s known him longer. 

-

“I still can’t believe you rezzed in a mechanic shop.” Blaine laughs. “Where were you when I rezzed? I was on Mars! I have to learn how to rebuild a ship because the Cabal kept shooting me out of the sky!” 

Lorenzo laughs, hands busy working on his fancy sparrow. Blaine’s only a little jealous of it. He holds out his hand, and Blaine hands him to wretch he needs without even needing to be asked. It’s nice to take mechanics with him. Although, Blaine is a little more wary to work on sparrows after blowing up one in the hangar. He’ll stick to his ships. 

“Lore, tell you what. You fix up my sparrow, and I’ll fix up your ship.” 

Blaine’s grinning pleased with the nickname. Regardless of where he likes it or not, Blaine’s still using it. 

- 

It’s like an itch inside his chest, tolerable but also still there. It feels like he needs something, but he doesn’t know what. Blaine finds himself in the hangar more often in hopes of seeing Lorenzo. He finds himself on more and more missions with him regardless of danger. It’s the only time he doesn’t feel that feeling. When Blaine is actually nearby him. 

Blaine wants to make him laugh, comfort him when he’s sad. The Titan even doesn’t mind if he’s mad at him if it means he can hang around Lorenzo a little longer. 

“Gemini Jack,” He teases. The only time he calls Lore by one of those silly titles of his he is teasing him or mad at him. “My man, where have you been? I have a nice high glimmer bounty with our names on it. King Baron, on Mars, your favorite. I know, I’m amazing. You can thank me later.” 

The ribbing hides the fact he misses him so much.

-

Blaine wants to die. The Red War is going to kill him one way or another, and that’s fine. Death is better than this. The air smells of fire still, and when he closes his eyes he sees the Tower falling apart under his feet. They’ve never lost the Last City, not in Twilight Gap, not in the Six Fronts, not until now. 

His chest hurts too, ache like there are thorns around his heart. He hadn’t seen Lorenzo since before the Hangar collapsed. 

It had been the two of them and a small army of the Red Legion. Sounds of fire and gunshots all around them in the distance, Zavala calling for support to hold the courtyard to keep the Red Legion back to allow non-Guardians escape the Tower. The two of them dancing around each other and oncoming fire to keep people moving toward the ships.  

The ground shook suddenly, not that it was a new feeling, but this was a little more violent than the other tremors. It was enough to make Blaine stumble. A phalanx saw the opening in his stance at the moment knocking him back into a shelf with his shield just as the hangar’s floor started to split beneath them. Blaine knows he can’t recover in time to make the jump, so the last thing he sees is Lorenzo firing his voidbow into a group of Cabal.  

He wakes up on his last resurrection fighting till his Light gets ripped away from him and even after. 

Comms are down for days, and Blaine nearly crawling his way out of the City. He can’t get a message to Ouros, so he doesn’t know if she’s even alive. Mercury was far from Earth, so maybe the Cabal hadn’t spread that far. They seemed more interested in the Traveller anyway. He still worries for her safety. He worries for the safety of the kinder Guardians he was training. He worries for the non-guardian, but more than anything else, he worries about Lorenzo.

Thinking about him makes his chest ache to the point of tears. He can hear his laugh, hear the sound of his Light singing around them in the hangar, he can remember the feeling of the moments they bumped hands and shoulders. 

His hands shake as he tries to repair a crashed ship to get to Titan. The smell of the engine fluid reminding him over and over again every memory they had; every close call in a battle, every victory, the smile Lorenzo wears when he gets a headshot from a hundred meters away.

Blaine can feel tears welling up in his eyes to the point they can’t hold them anymore. He knows what this feeling is now. 

He loves him, and it hurts now. 

-

Titan is a new fresh hell. Hive forcing him closer and closer to the edge of the station and nearly into the sea. The only reason he fights and stays is that he knows if Lore is alive, he will find his way here eventually. Blaine just has to wait. He’s just never been good at that. 

The Sunbreaker returns from a supply run when he hears whispers of a Guardian that has their Light. Whispers stirring around it all are already starting to spiral out of control. Some don’t believe, they don’t want false hope. Blaine doesn’t blame them for it. Others talk about maybe taking the station with this Guardian or even the City back. Blaine hopes, but he is tired of rumors. 

“Any idea who this mystery Guardian is?”

“Some big shot sparrow racer, I heard someone call him some fancy title-” 

He doesn’t hear the rest, he doesn’t need to. His feet already carrying him through the station to their landing zone. 

Blaine laughs, breathless and desperate but relieved for the first time in days, 

“Gemini Jack, I think you still owe me a sparrow.”

[dngrs-untld-hrshps-unnmbrd]

Striking Twice, Part Two

Shaxx x female Guardian | oc: Alexandra Warren | angst and drama | smutterific | NSFW

This fic is for @illiksis as part of our art trade and stars her beautiful Titan Striker Alexandra and Lord Shaxx! 

Read Part 1 here.

Shaxx, The Tower, Destiny 1 era

Shaxx noticed the green light blinking on the feeds and peered closer. The light meant a new Guardian in his Crucible, and it blinked next to the name Alexandra Warren. He felt a jolt, as in the week since she’d materialised back from the dead he hadn’t seen or heard a whisper of her.

A week, and she was in the Crucible already? She was keen, and probably about to get her ass handed to her. He leaned forward and pressed a button on his mic. ‘All right, Guardians. Show me how it’s done.’

His eyes tracked Alexandra and she and her team jogged in a tight knot along the walls. Good, she was being cautious in the unfamiliar map, not like last time when she’d – but he shook himself and dismissed the thought. He wasn’t going to think of her back then. None of that had happened as far as this Alexandra Warren was concerned.

She stuck with her team, and they orbited her protectively as she made shots. She had four enemies down already and hadn’t been felled once. But he could sense her getting impatient for more, and when she spotted her chance a few minutes later, she took it. The opposing team had picked off two of her teammates and as they were reloading she launched herself into the air toward them, and came down in a slam and a blaze of arc energy.

She's a Striker! Delight blazed in his chest as the lightning rolled out around her in waves, felling opponents. ‘Double down – triple down!’ he shouted. Any Guardian with good technique and a hungry style earned his respect in the Crucible but he nursed a love of his own subclass most of all. Nothing could top the smash and energy of a Striker, and not since the days when Zavala had entered the Crucible had he enjoyed watching a fellow Striker more.

She competed in two more matches, her team winning all of them, and she was never last placed. Impressive for a first attempt.

Half an hour later he spotted her Fireteam coming toward him to hand in bounties. She didn’t have any of her own but she stood to one side, watching. When the others were done she turned to him.

‘How was I, then?’ she asked, smiling coolly, clearly comfortable with her performance. He may have got overexcited calling the matches while he was watching her. This is amazing! I can’t believe what I’m seeing. He couldn’t help it. The Crucible got him that way.

He made a non-committal sound. ‘You did all right for a new Guardian.’

‘Oh? I can fight as well as any seasoned Guardian. Can’t I?’ she said, raising her voice at her friends. They  cheered and raised their fists. She turned back to him with a grin. ‘See?’

He was silent for a moment, watching her. Remembering how she'd done exactly the same thing in the Brew all those cycles ago when he'd told her she couldn't fight like a Guardian. He should ask Zavala if this had ever happened to him, if people he knew came back from the dead and spoke lines like living ghosts.

But for some reason he knew he wouldn’t ask Zavala.

Alexandra took his silence for disapproval and turned away.

‘Wait a second.’

She paused and looked back at him.

‘That rifle you’re using is terrible. It’s all right for picking off Fallen but you need something steadier for the Crucible.’

Her eyes hardened in annoyance. ‘Give me a chance, I might be a good fighter but it takes time to earn better gear.’

Exasperated, he turned and reached behind him for an auto rifle with a blue mark across the heft. It wasn’t the same one, but it was the same make. She’d been good with it, back then.

Hadn’t saved her life, though. 'You did well today. Here.'

She took the rifle from him, lips parted. ‘Wow, thank you. I’ve had my eye on one like this. What’s it called? I hear all Guardian weapons have names.’

‘Up For Anything.’

‘Oh?’ She flashed him a sly look. ‘What a perfect name.’

He watched her saunter off, the Mark fluttering at her hip. Behind his helm Shaxx thought for a moment that he reddened.

Alexandra, The Taken King era

‘Shaxx.’

‘Hivebane.’

A slow smile split Alexandra’s face as she looked up at him. The Blustery Brew was crowded that night and the last of the orange sunlight was slanting through the windows and shining on armour and bare biceps. Shaxx was still in his gear, but he’d taken off his helmet.

‘You like the Hive, huh?’

He snorted. ‘I like them when they’re dead. Pint?’

She watched him as he ordered her a beer and then handed her a tall, frosted glass. He had a strong face. She liked the line of his jaw as he turned his head to speak to the barman; his lips as he spoke. There was an air of no bull-shittery about him, too, and he was solid. Warm.

As he drank he looked at her over the rim of his glass. ‘You’ve let your hair grow out.’

She frowned. ‘You remember that my hair was short? You’ve barely seen me with my helmet off in ages.’

He cleared his throat and looked away. ‘Why haven’t you been in the Crucible lately? You’re not training properly if you’re not regularly in the Crucible. I’m not just going to give you another decent gun for nothing, you earn your weapons from me.’

Not having expected him to do anything of the sort, she gave him a sour look. ‘I have been busy, you know. The Dreadnaught. You heard of it?’

Shaxx nodded slowly. ‘Oh, I heard. I’m in pissing distance of the Vanguard table and I hear all the talk. All the comms. You got yourself into a few messy spots on that ship, didn’t you?’

Alexandra nodded, glad to talk about it with him. The other Guardians didn’t know how close things had come several times. ‘Traveler, it was tense down there. I lost comms with the Vanguard. Hive everywhere. At one point there was just static, and I had visions of what Eris went through happening to me. They thought I’d died when –’

Shaxx drained his glass and put it down on the bar. ‘’Night, Hivebane. I’ve got things to do.’

Perplexed, she watched him walk out of the bar. Sometimes he treated her like and old friend and others he acted like he couldn’t stand to be around her. What was his deal?

The first thing Shaxx saw when he clicked on his feeds the next morning was a Titan waiting to go into an arena dressed in a full Crucible bounty set. As she turned to one side he saw a blue Striker mark on her hip, and grinned. He had a feeling he knew who this was.

As he watched her fight match after match he knew. It was Alexandra. Something about the way she moved was familiar, how she gravitated toward leading her team but never striking out on her own till the right moment. During one Control match she managed to fell all four members of the opposing team with her Fist of Havoc as they tried to capture a zone. Shaxx was yelling so loudly that Arcite seemed to wince.

At the end of the day she was one of the last to return to him to hand in her bounties. He nodded appraisingly at her. ‘Nicely done.’

‘Thank you. Got anything special for me?’

‘My commendation for your fighting spirit. You’re lucky, it’s more than most get.’

Scratching a hand through her sweaty hair, she said, ‘How about a drink? A proper drink this time, without you running off halfway through.’

He looked at her with his arms folded. There was nothing wrong with keeping the truth from her as long as he kept his distance as well. He'd thought about it, and it wasn’t fair on the newer Guardians when they discovered that others knew them in their previous life. It strained things, or changed the power balance, or made them too curious about their past. The past didn’t matter. Now mattered.

Alexandra was looking up at him with expectant eyes and he noted, not for the first time, that she was a very pretty woman. He also wouldn’t mind quizzing her about her Crucible technique, either. But ...?

Oh, Traveler’s fucking Light, it was just a drink. ‘Sure. Meet you done the Brew in half an hour.’

Alexandra had managed to do a surprising amount in half an hour. Her hair looked soft and dry and she’d changed into skin-tight trousers and a tank top. Unthinkingly, his eyes grazed her breasts before he remembered where he was and what was appropriate.

‘Same as last night?’

They sat and talked for over an hour and into a second round, and the conversation flowed easily. Not as if they were old friends, the atmosphere was too charged for that. Too much banter. Too many assessing looks. It was more like sparring than chatting.

He noticed his eyes were starting to stray to her mouth and breasts again and he put down his glass. ‘All right, that’s me. I’ll see you later.’

She put a hand on his arm. ‘Wait. Stay a bit longer, or at least let me walk back with you.’

‘Why?’

She blinked her long, dark eyelashes at him. ‘Because I like talking to you.’

Suspicion curled through him. She didn’t remember what had happened between them, did she? He’d heard about it happening sometimes, that two people … but that was only when they were deeply in love. A face was recalled, maybe a name. A sense of familiarity. She hadn’t said anything and didn’t give him weird looks so … no, she didn't remember.

But he did.

And that made it, what? Wrong? Well, what was so wrong about it? They’d slept together and then she’d died. It was hundreds of cycles ago. She wasn’t even the same person. That Alex had been cocky and impulsive. This one … she stood her ground, quietly. She was an asset and she knew it.

And she had long hair. Barely the same person.

Fuck. I’m talking myself into something very stupid. I should have told Zavala and asked him what he’d do. Actually, no. I’m glad I didn’t because I know exactly what he’d say and I don’t want to hear it.

He smiled at Alex. ‘Sure. Let’s go.’

Three streets from the Brew they stopped to allow a trio of Sparrows shoot by, and when she looked up at him she found his face very close to hers. He kissed her, slowly at first, and then coaxed her mouth open with his. Desire shot through her and she went up on her toes. This hadn’t been her intention when she’d asked him to have a drink with her but the idea had been growing and growing throughout the evening. There was something very sexy about this large, shouty man, and every time he smiled at her she felt a thrill of happiness, and of triumph. He didn’t smile like that at other Guardians.

‘My place?’ she whispered against his mouth.

He seemed to hesitate. To consider her mouth. To think. Then he shook his head. ‘The Titan dorms? I don’t think so. They stink like dirty socks.’

‘Please, I don’t live in the Titan dorms. I won an apartment in a bet three months ago. I live over the bazaar.’

‘Ah, a betting woman. What was the bet?’ he asked between kisses.

‘Which pigeon would take off first.’

‘You bet an apartment over a pigeon?’

‘We were bored. Slow fighting day. And I bet my Sparrow and jumpship.’

‘Good ones?’

‘They were worth risking this apartment over, so yeah, good ones.’

As they talked they wended their way slowly back to the Tower, and she was hyperaware of his presence beside her. She’d had several partners since she’d been resurrected, all nice people, but none made her feel as fluttery low in her belly as Shaxx did. When she glanced at his hands she thought she could imagine just what they’d feel like on her skin. She'd know very soon.

But inside her flat he seemed to pull away from her, taking to much interest in the view from the balcony, the knick-knacks on her shelves. Was he ... shy? Surely not.  

Going over to him as he stood at the window, she asked, ‘Do you, ah, not want to?’

When he met her eyes she saw the dark light of desire in their depths. He did want her. But he seemed distracted. ‘You didn’t join the Firebreak Order,’ he said suddenly.

She frowned, confused, not just by the statement but by why he was saying this now. ‘Why would I join the –’

But she was cut off when his mouth descended on hers, and Titan Orders fled from her brain as she sought the fastenings on his armour. She was easier to undress in her soft civilian clothes and she was naked by the time she'd loosened his chest plate.

'Call yourself a Titan,' he scolded, grinning at her while he quickly made short work of his armour. Then they were both naked, standing in front of the window and wrapped around each other for anyone to see. Probably should move to the bedroom -- but then he went down on his knees before her and his tongue found her sex.

'No messing about, then,' she breathed, clutching a bookcase for support as he lifted one of her legs off the ground and hooked it over his shoulder. His short beard was soft and its gentle rasp and the smoothness of his tongue against her sex made her head fall back and the tension leave her body. Oh, yes, this was good. This was what she needed after too many stressful missions.

The bed was in the corner and he stood up and walked her over to it, and then sat down with her so she was straddling his lap. His cock was stiff between them and she stroked its length. Traveler, he was big.  

He made a noise in the back of his throat, his eyes dark, and then took a fistful of her hair, squeezing tightly. The pull against her scalp was pleasurable even as she gasped. He pulled her further up his lap and with his other hand grasped his cock and slid it against her slick sex.

‘I’ll go slowly,’ he murmured against her mouth, and then with a hand about her waist he compelled her body down and over him, piercing her slowly, tenderly. Whimpering, she arched against him, and with one hand still holding her tightly by the hair and one hand clasped around her he slid her up and down on his length. Gradually his breathing came harder and his hold loosened, and she wrapped her arms around his neck and moved herself, pressed down harder as she rocked against him.

Shaxx groaned and fell back, his hands going to Alex’s hips as she slid up and down the length of his cock, tight and slippery, and looking like she was relishing every inch of him. He looked up at her and admired the way her hair fell about her face. That hadn’t happened the last time –

But he pushed the thought away and concentrated on her expression. Her eyes were closed and her brows pinched together, slanting upwards at the inner corners. He knew that look. And a moment later her nails dug into his chest and he felt her clench around him and her back spasm. He ran a hand up the nape of her neck and buried it in her hair, holding her while she came.

When she opened her eyes and looked down at him, trying to catch her breath, he asked, ‘That good, Hivebane?’

She let out a yelp of laughter, which quickly changed to a moan as he grasped both her hips and began to thrust up into her, hard. She planted her hands on his chest again and held on as he moved inside her.

‘Too much?’ he asked.

Eyes squeezed shut, lip caught between her teeth, she shook her head emphatically. He growled as delight and desire surged through him. He would hold back if he was hurting her but Traveler’s fucking Light it was more fun not to. His climax was building quickly and when she reached behind her to stroke his balls he lost it, coming so hard that he sat up suddenly and buried his face against her breasts.

He sank back down onto the bed, taking her with him. Good decision, Shaxx. Screw Zavala and what he'd think. What anyone would think.

She traced her fingers through his chest hair for a few minutes, thoughtful. ‘You're funny compared to other Titans, you know. When are you going to get your horn fixed? When are you going to start wearing a Mark?’

He heaved a heavy shoulder and let it fall. ‘Fix my horn? This has been my armour set for hundreds of cycles. I don’t see any reason to change it.’

‘Not change it, just fix it.’

He thought about it for a moment. ‘I fought, it broke off. If I ever put on a Mark it won’t be anything special. It doesn’t matter what I look like. You lot are out there fighting for the City and if you want to carry symbols into battle, good. Do it. But I don’t need to pattern myself up. I run the Crucible and I’m not likely to forget it.’

Her voice was drowsy and her eyes were closed. ‘Zavala covers himself with symbols.’

‘That’s his way. Not wrong, just different.’

She smiled against his skin, mumbling sleepily, ‘You’re your own man, Lord Shaxx.’

He fell asleep, but woke in the early hours of the morning to find her ass pressed tightly against his cock, and that he was hard again. He hands roamed over her and, half asleep, her body flexed against him. His fingers found her sex and she was hot and slippery to his touch. A small cry escaped her mouth as he stroked her, and her hand reached behind her to take his length in her grasp. His fingers explored, pressing deeper, and he sunk two fingers up to his knuckles in her tight flesh. She pressed her face into the sheets and moaned his name.

That sound seemed to do something to him and he pushed her flat onto her belly and opened her legs with his knees. With one hand heavy on the small of her back he sheathed himself inside her and thrust, fast and hungry, shallow at first but deepening his strokes as she braced her hands against the headboard and arched her back. He grabbed a fistful of her behind and squeezed. She had a great ass, a proper Titan ass, muscled and meaty.

‘I thought … you’d have – ah – a catchphrase,’ she said between pants.

‘A what?’

She had her head turned to one side, her cheek against the mattress as he pounded her, and she was smiling. ‘You – know. Something you’d say as you – oh god – came.’ One of her hands worked down between her legs and she started touching herself. What a pretty fucking picture that was.

Eyes still closed, she talked softly as her fingers worked on her clit and he watched her, rapt. ‘I like hearing all your encouragement and shouting in the Crucible. You have zone advantage. I can’t wait to see what you’re going to do with that.’ Her voice constricted as if she was getting closer to her peak.

He laughed. ‘You want me to call our fucking like I do a Crucible match?’ Leaning down he bit her earlobe, and then rumbled against her ear, ‘I can’t believe what I’m seeing.’

He felt her tighten convulsively around him. She was so close. Either this was going to make her laugh or make her come, and he didn’t much care which. Both were fucking gorgeous. ‘I know total domination when I see it. Is this what victory smells like?’

She reached back, cupping his sweaty neck as she came. He smiled against her ear, laughing softly, because if you couldn’t laugh during sex what was the bloody point.

Alex slumped back against the mattress, but he wasn’t done with her. May as well do this properly. He hooked an arm under her hips and raised her up, moving onto his knees. He gave her ass a smack and then set a swift, hard pace. He felt his own climax rushing up and with it a desire to shout. ‘You want the Crucible? I am the Crucible!’ He pressed deeply as he felt his seed spurt inside her, and his paced slowed and finally stopped. Hot but satisfied, he collapsed back onto the bed and pulled her against him. She laughed weakly into his chest.

‘What?’ he asked with a grin.

‘I think you probably just woke all my neighbours.’

Taking a deep breath he bellowed at the top of his voice, ‘DON’T THEY KNOW? THE CRUCIBLE NEVER SLEEPS.’

There came a banging on the wall, and then a muffled, angry voice called, ‘WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, LORD FUCKING SHAXX?’

Alex clapped a hand over Shaxx’s mouth before he could yell back that yes indeed, he was Lord fucking Shaxx, and what did they think they were going to do about it?

‘Shh, it’s three in the morning. Go back to sleep.’

He curled his body around hers and closed his eyes. ‘Whatever you say, Hivebane.’

There was the sound of a throat being cleared, and Shaxx looked up from what he was doing, which was kissing Alex. It was after midnight in the Tower and he was sure that they’d be alone. It was Zavala, his expression neutral, but Shaxx knew him well enough to see the hint of disapproval in his eyes. Fraternising in the Tower. There's a time and place, Shaxx, his expression seemed to say.

Alex ducked her head, sheepish. ‘I’ll um, see you later,’ she whispered to Shaxx. Then she hurried away.

Zavala impassively told him about some weapon developments that might come in handy, as if he’d seen nothing out of the unusual. Then he turned to go.

‘Wait a sec.’ Zavala was the person to ask about this. The more he got to know Alex the more his conscience seemed to smart. Things she did or said reminded him of her first life, and then he’d get distracted or annoyed with himself, and she’d become confused and he couldn’t tell her why he was being strange. ‘I wanted to know … what you thought.’ he finished lamely. For fuck’s sake. Since when was he such a coward?

Zavala frowned. ‘What I thought? About you and Warren?’

Shaxx made a non-committal sound.

‘I don't think anything.’ Then, sensing that Shaxx wanted more than that, he asked, 'Is it serious?’

Shaxx shrugged. ‘We see each other all the time, just around. In the Tower. Down the Brew.’ When she came in from the dangerous bloody missions Zavala and the other Vanguard kept sending her on. Those missions were the worst because he could hear the comms from where he stood and he was both jealous of and anxious for her.

‘Then take care of each other. That’s all there is to it, old friend.’ But something about Zavala’s face as he turned away made Shaxx feel like he resented the question, and he watched his fellow Titan walk away feeling puzzled.

Shaxx scowled. Take care of Alex? That was vague and unhelpful. How the fuck was he supposed to do that?

Thank you for reading! If Zavala seemed grumpy it's because he's got his own things to deal with, but that's a friend's unwritten story and a bit of an inside joke for us ;) I'll put a bit more into the final part of this story and link hers when she gets to writing it.

[writingfromkitchenator]

Secret

A Crowley Fanfic

"What are you smiling at?"

I looked around at Dean from the passenger seat, not realising that I had zoned out.  "What?"

He wasn't in a good mood, which I didn't blame him after everything that happened, particularly now that we got a phone call asking us to go back to the house.

I shrugged when he doesn't respond.  "Just feeling better than what I have been."

Dean continues to frown.  "You've been like that a lot lately, and given all the shit we've gone through, it's been uncalled for."

I raised an eyebrow.  "Uncalled for?  Your sister is in a good mood and it's uncalled for?"

"Well, there's not really a need for it."

"We're alive aren't we?"

Dean humphs, but falls back into his moody silence, making your smile wider.

"Relax Dean.  The darkness may be a new problem, but at least the mark is gone.  No more beating the shit out of everyone, including yourself."

Dean grunts in response as I settle back again, looking out the window.  I knew I struck a nerve, but at the moment, I wasn't fazed.

The truth was, I was actually reasonably happy, even after all the chaos of the last four weeks, and if Dean and Sam knew, blood or not, if they knew the truth, they would disown or kill me.

I shut my eyes, letting the movement of the car drift me off, but not before the faint smile touched my lips again.  As a hunter, we all knew it was rare to find something that would last, and I knew that this was on a knife's edge as it was, but it didn't stop it making me happy.

"You're still doing it."  Dean grumbled.

"Lighten up you ass."

"Slut."

"Jerk."

"Bitch."

"Assbutt."

That got him to laugh.  "You lose, but good choice."

"I'll call it an accomplishment."  I grin.

The silence was more comfortable this time.

"So...are you seeing anyone?"

I look at Dean, who looked a mix of concerned and curious.

"Why would you ask that?"  I said in a slightly disbelieving tone.  "We're hunters Dean, we don't have time for that stuff."

He frowns.  "Sis, the only time I've seen you this happy was when you were in a relationship."

I scoffed.  "And when was the last one I had?"

"Long term or short term?"  He asked with a cocky grin, causing me to hit him in the arm.  "I'm serious though, are you?"

I couldn't help the nervousness in my stomach.  I didn't want to lie to Dean, but I knew that the truth would hurt more.

The truth was, I was seeing Crowley.

It hadn't happened intentionally, it was during the chaos of us trying to close the gate to hell.  I'd been left behind to babysit Sam as he tried to cure Crowley, but even Sam had to step out of the room from time to time, the trials taking their toll.

Leaving me with Crowley.

I hadn't thought much of it, I had jested and argued with the King of Hell just as much as Sam and Dean over the years, although, we did pass the occasional flirtatious comment to each other just to rile the other two up.

This time was different.

"How can you watch this?"

I looked up at Crowley from where I was sitting against the wall, polishing my knife.  "What?"

He was looking tired, frustrated and something else I couldn't quite place.  "You're meant to be the kind one, the compassionate one.  How can you sit there and watch Moose do this to me?"

I was a little taken back, unsure about whether he was jesting or not.  "It's not like I'm enjoying it."

Crowley screwed his face up.  "Then why don't you stop it?"

I still wasn't overly sure how to take this, glancing at the door to make sure Sam wasn't coming in either.  "Crowley, you hate hell as much as we do."

He rolled his eyes and dropped his head back with a frustrated groan.  "Who cares about Hell, I'm talking me here."

"You?"

"Yes me."  He growled and finally looked over at me.  "What, all that time and your saying our little chats never meant anything?"

I had shrugged, but grinned all the same.  "What of it?  It'd  hardly be something that would be taken lightly Crowley."

This time, he grinned.  "Be a hell of a story love."

I had to bite my tongue as Sam came back into the room, earning a smirk from Crowley.

"Looking a little peaky there Moose, sure you're up for this?"

"Shut up Crowley."

I looked between the two, suddenly in that moment not entirely sure who I was more worried for.

Which was Abaddon arrived, throwing Sam through a window before turning her attention to Crowley as I rose from my chair, wondering why she didn't know I was there.

But it was clear after she sent Crowley to the floor, that she didn't care.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."  I said calmly, finally earning her attention.

Abaddon scoffed, pushing Crowley aside.  "Like I'm meant to believe that the little bird can do anything."

I spun the knife easily in my hand.  "Even a little bird can peck an eye or two out."

She chuckled disbelievingly.  "Right.  That's why you just stepped back and let the boys do all the work."

"It's what Sam and Dean are good at."  I shrugged.  "They make for the heavy lifting, I make for the quick thinking."

"Well, you don't seem to be good at either to me."  She was approaching so cockily that it just made me smile.

"Says the one that is still approaching me believing me to be an idiot."  Again, I spun the knife, making it a point that I knew how to use it.

Anger crossed her expression and she cast her hand out, intending to throw me against a wall, but I pulled my arm up just in time, the marks flaring to life on my arm and preventing me from moving anywhere.

I grinned.  "Well what do you know, that actually worked."

Abaddon tried again, but to know effect.  "What is this?" She hissed.  "No one can possibly-"

"I'm the brains darling."  I shrugged.  "So why don't we do this the old fashioned way?"

The fight had been brief, for everything I had hoped would work, I wasn't expecting the blade sliced across my arm, ending the enchantment and allowing her to pin me against the wall.

Her eyes burned.  "I think it's time I put you out of your misery little hunter."

I gave a strained grin.  "I made my peace with Death a long time ago, I should probably think you should do the same."

Her eyes narrowed.  "Then maybe death isn't the answer.  Maybe you deserved something much slower."

"Like possession?"  I asked, the pressure building on my chest from where she had me pinned.  "Take your best shot."

Her eyes had narrowed and she was about to do exactly that if Sam hadn't taken that exact moment to appear and douse her in holy oil, setting her alight and making her flee.

I dropped from the wall coughing.  "God, here I was thinking I'd have to stall forever."

Sam gave a weak smile.  "Possession?  Really?"

"She wouldn't have got very far."  I clasped my hand to the wound on my arm before looking for Crowley, who I discovered his gaze was locked on me.

"That was incredible Sparrow." He said, his voice full of admiration and a tone that I didn't quite recognise at the time.

I didn't have long to think about it either, as Sam hauled him back up to continue the ritual.

"Oh come on Moose, we're practically working together here!"

"If you hadn't called Abaddon that wouldn't have happened in the first place."  Sam looked back at me.  "You going to be alright with your arm?"

"Like I haven't done it a hundred times already."  I said before looking back at Crowley.  "You're really going to keep on with this?"

Sam nodded even as Crowley had sent you an almost pleading look.

"I can deal with this, go take care of your arm."

Reluctantly, I left the room to clean up.  A bandage had to do for the moment.

Sam stepped out as I was about to head back in, looking semi triumphant.  "We're making progress."

I raised an eyebrow as he just went and sat down, catching his breath, before I moved back inside.

"You know, if I didn't know better Crowley, I'd say you had feelings for me."  I said quietly as I approached.

Crowley glanced back.  "What gave you that idea Sparrow?"

"Well, the nickname is certainly something new, and given what just happened, done so in a meaningful manner."  I stepped in front of him, rocking on my heels a bit.

He was watching every movement.  "You are nice to me."

I frowned.  "I try to be nice to everyone."

He shook his head.  "I don't know how you do it."

I thought for a moment.  "I don't know.  I guess I believe that being nice to someone that needs it can bring them round.  Make them see a path that isn't so dark.  Hunting ain't easy, I guess I do it to remind myself too."

"Well, I get out of this, I'll show you exactly what it means to me."

I faced him, his expression the most sincere I had ever seen it.

That was when it had happened.  That was when I knew what road I was taking.

The moment had been interrupted, not just by Sam, but then Dean too, who stopped Sam from completing the trials altogether.

The following months was where it all developed. Dean, who had been furious at me for experimenting with different symbols, often had me on babysitting duty, trying to convince Crowley to help us.

In those times, an arrangement was made on how this would work.  It wasn't going to be easy and there was definitely a certain level of taboo around it.

I didn’t care though, it was the best I'd felt in a long time.

I sighed in the front seat, sending Dean what I hoped to be a sad smile.  "No Dean.  Don't you think I would have told you?"

It was clear he wasn't convinced as we pulled up to the house, the discussion dropped for the moment.

The mention of a priest before we walked in the door was certainly a new one for Dean and I.

Except for when we walked in.

Almost instantly, I burst out laughing.

Crowley's smirk was well hidden as he took a sip of tea.

Dean looked worried.  "You'll have to forgive her, it's been a long day."

Through my tears, I managed to get back outside, clutching my sides as I continued to laugh at the sheer irony, not bothering to fight the laughter.

Dean soon stormed out after me.  "What the hell are you doing?"

"Leave Sparrow alone Squirrel."  Crowley had followed close behind, the nickname having stuck.  "Can't you see she's unstable?"  He was grinning.  "Why don't you tell me all about it?"

Wiping away tears, I fought now to control the laughter.  "Oh, I'm sure I've got more than a few sins I could confess."

Dean blanched as Crowley chuckled.  "I hate it when you two do that."

"Lighten up Squirrel, we're allowed a bit of fun."  Crowley said,  smirking.  "Relieve the tension a bit."

"Not with her you're not."  Dean growled.  "You so much as lay a finger on her and there won't be anywhere you can hide from me or Sam."

I rolled my eyes.  "Please Dean, you know we only do it to rile you and Sammy up."

"Well I don't like it."  Dean grunts, shooting me a dark look, showing his suspicions clearly.  "Just stick with guys in bars."

I snorted and just raised an eyebrow at him.  "Really?  Bit forward there Dean."

"I'm out of your sisters league any way."  Crowley cut in, earning a furious look from me behind Dean's back.  "After all, I'm the-"

"King of Hell, yeah, great."  Dean said angrily.  "Whatever.  Look, we've got bigger problems to deal with here."

A noise inside got our attention and Dean was the first one in.

I trudged quickly behind Crowley.  "Out of your league?  Really?"  I hissed in  his ear.

He just smirked.  "Got to keep our secret darling.  I don't need them locking you away."

I rolled my eyes as I followed only to be told by Dean to stay put on the first floor.

"But-"

"Stay there!"

Grumbling and then poking my tongue out at Crowley as he waved down at me, I stood awkwardly in the main hall.

Until a loud bang got my attention.

I took the stairs two at a time, only to find Dean and Crowley arguing.

"You killed her."

Crowley's response was cut off as Dean saw me approaching.  "I told you to stay downstairs."

"What am I going to do, stop the boogeyman from leaving?"  I pushed into the room and frowned at the body on the floor.  "What happened?"

"She was soulless."  Crowley said first.  "Went a little mental."

Dean growled something unintelligible before there a brief scuffle and Dean pinned Crowley to the wall with angel blade through his hand.

"Dean."  I said angrily.  "What the-"

"Make sure he stays there."  Dean snapped, moving down the hall.

I sighed, having no intention of doing so, moving over to Crowley.

"I can get it you know."  He made no attempt to move.

"Sounds pleasant."  I said darkly as I yanked the blade from his hand.  "It would take you ages to-"

In one swift movement, he'd grabbed me and swung me around, pressing me against the wall as he locked me in a searing kiss.

It was too brief.

"I better go before big brother comes back." He breathed, his eyes dark as he stared at me.  "We'll finish this later?"

"I'll message."  I pulled him back in for another kiss before we heard Dean's boots coming back down the hall.

Crowley had just enough time to step away with a smirk and disappear before Dean stepped into the room.

"What happened?"  He asked furiously.

I shrugged.  "I turned my back for a second and then he was gone."  I handed the blade to him.  "He has a knack for doing that."

Dean glared at me.  "You know the baby is gone?"

"And you know that baby isn't normal."  I said back. "Come on, let's pick up Sam and figure this out."

He watched after me, and I knew, that while my secret was safe for now, it was certainly getting to the point it wouldn't be.

[toauw]

Leave Your Friends At Home, You’ll Come Back With More - Short

If you honestly ask me why I specifically went to Los Angeles, CA for my 24th birthday, I’ll give you the straight answer. It was the farthest place in the continental United States that I had any interest in visiting. A friend that worked for an airline told me they had access to discounted flights anywhere in the “lower 48”. With that discount, plus the fact that I had a friend who was willing to accommodate me for a few days, it became the cheapest option for a quick getaway. I didn't decide to go there for a concert, I had no special objectives, it wasn't a business trip, No. It was just far, and cheap. As I left my house on the morning of October 4th, I thought about the upcoming week and what kind of shenanigans I would get into. After all, did I mention I was pretty much going alone? I had one real friend in LA, and I hadn't seen her in years. In fact, I never spent time with her in real life before she left to hit the west coast. For this story, we’ll call her Mya. I was technically going to stay with a stranger I barely knew from highschool, that I only corresponded with online. In addition to that she had work on some of the days that I’d be there, and wouldn't be able to spend much time with me either way. I’d be by myself most of the time, and I didn't know how I’d feel about that. Her home, while nice, wasn't in the most accessible place, and it’d be a 40 minute drive to get anywhere particularly interesting. The first day consisted of me catching up on sleep, hanging out at the house, and looking for people to connect with while I was out there. The next day, she drove us into West Hollywood, where I started my first portion of this solo journey. Hollywood Boulevard with all the stars on the floor was 10 minutes away, and I figured that was a good place to start. I called the first of many Ubers, and coordinated my pickup. Within 15 minutes, I was wandering along Hollywood boulevard. This was the first place being by myself really hit me. I saw the street performers acting like famous Hollywood characters. As I walked past Maverick from Top Gun, and Captain Jack Sparrow, I noticed something. Typically, when you’re out with squad you tap your friends and point to that funny thing you see across the street, or maybe you mention a fancy car you think they’d be interested in. There was none of that. Whatever it was that I observed, unless it was worth me stopping to take a picture, only stuck with me. The first thing I noticed about that, is that things weren’t innately funny, but rather interesting. When there’s no one to bounce jokes off of, you tend not to laugh as much. Once I realized that, whenever something did make me audibly laugh, I appreciated it that much more. I met some friends I made on Instagram the first night, and we hung out at their apartment. Alcohol, music, and good times with new friends from across the country. No complaints. I went to breakfast with Mya where she told me about her plans to go hiking, something I’d never done before. There was a popular trail that everyone visited, but we decided to go to a farther more peaceful one that apparently ended with a waterfall. We went to pick up her ex boyfriend from the train station downtown, which took long enough, then headed towards the canyon. I knew her ex from the internet, but never met him before then. As we drove up north, we all got acquainted, and familiar. Hiking was rather strenuous, but nothing insane. Along the 3 mile walk through the valleys of Altadena, CA, I recognized how peaceful the effects of nature were, if you weren't scared of the little rustling of small animals in nearby bushes. Once you got over the irrational fear of being attacked by mountain lions and poisonous snakes, you could really settle in, take a deep breath, and appreciate how untouched it all was. Another thing I recognized while I was out there, was how little I was. While I spend hours and hours in Manhattan among buildings hundreds of stories high, it never occurred to me how little I was in the grand scheme of things. There's nothing specifically human sized in the wilderness. It was all very humbling. If I got lost out there, or tripped over a cliff, I was done for. It wasn't made for me, I was merely a visitor. A speck on this vast planet, trying to enjoy it and experience it while I had the time and energy. I won't say I particularly had fun hiking, but I appreciated it. The views, the discoveries, the challenge, the open space, and the fresh air. It’s something I think everyone should try at least once. When we got back home, we decided to go out and find a party. Mya and her ex decided on a party, and we got dressed up to go. It was a pajama party but you could show up in anything. I would’ve wore pajamas if I could, but I didn't have any, and I realized that it would limit me if I wanted to go elsewhere. When we got there, I immediately knew I wasn't going to enjoy myself. Everyone there was at least 30, and while I’m not opposed to partying with older people, it wasn't the scene I envisioned. I really just wanted to be around people my age, and do 24 year old stuff. No soul train lines, no line dancing, no cupid shuffle. I’m refused to resign to old age that easily. I will admit I had a noticeable attitude, because I paid $15 to get in anyway, but within 20 minutes of being there, I couldn't take it anymore. I started looking for other parties, and found something free not too far away. I told them I was leaving, and bounced on my own. Another lesson. At the point where I was too annoyed to stay there anymore, I recognized a lesson that I would keep coming across on my adventure. It's one lesson but there are two points. If you don't like something, only you can change it. You are in charge of your own happiness. These two lessons in conjunction helped me form the rest of my experiences while away. One without the other doesn't equate to much, they have to be used together. Once I left that party I immediately felt better about where my night was headed, and I ended up party hopping to two other fun spots, getting rather drunk along the way. Although in hindsight it could sound like a blast, at that time anything was better than doing the electric slide with middle aged people that weren't even in pajamas. It was day 3 out in Cali and One of my new friends invited me to a music festival the day before, and said he would meet me there at 3. I took the ride to the city with Mya around 2. I did the same this as the day before and wandered for a while, taking pictures of things I found cool, before checking the time and heading towards the festival. I got to the festival, and showed them my confirmation. I entered into a walled complex with graffiti all over, art everywhere, and vendors with tables wherever they could fit. There was a food stand in the back, and carnival style games on the sides. It was truly an amazing environment with the opportunity for fun everywhere. It was 3, and my connect was nowhere to be found. I figured I would walk around and try to look at the vendors while I waited for him and the squad to arrive. After walking around for 20 minutes, I naturally got bored, and turned to my phone, something I was trying to avoid. Still no word from my friends and it was 4. I tried to enjoy the musical acts for a bit, but I wasn't really feeling it that much, so I went to find somewhere to charge my phone. I hadn't plugged it in for most of the day and it was dying. After discovering I made it into the green room by accident and volunteering for about an hour, I got VIP passes. I checked my newly charged phone and it was 5. My friend still wasn't there. Around this time, my lesson from earlier had shown up again. I was there, not really enjoying myself, and only I could change my situation. I didn't even know if they were coming, but I couldn't rely on them to make it fun for myself. I decided to get more proactive, and start speaking to whoever I felt was interesting. Without the help of alcohol, I really had get out of my head, and make the moves on my own. It wasn't easy, and I quickly came to the conclusion that whoever said “Alcohol is liquid courage” wasn't lying. I felt like I could use it, but I was happy with the challenge of having to socialize without it. After speaking to people here and there, I found out I was way more comfortable communicating with strangers than I had ever thought I’d be. At first it was very hard to get over the initial hump of saying Hi, but I got used to it. As time dragged on, I enjoyed some performances, bounced in and out of the backstage area, and awaited word from my friend. They finally showed up at 8, 5 hours later than I was expecting them. By then I was already over the atmosphere, and I was only there because there were still performances left, and they had just showed up. We met up and I chastised them for being so damned late. They stranded me for 5 hours without any friends, which was initially a curse but turned into a little blessing. I discovered that I could spend a significant time alone, something I never really did, and make something of it. I had met a few artists in the most natural way possible, and talked to all the girls I thought were interesting enough to warrant the effort. They showed me, someone who’s always around people I know, that I could spend time by myself, and meet new people without it being a huge ordeal. Before that day, I never really spoke to random people in public without a reason. This time, I noticed that the reason doesn't have to be solid, but literally because I wanted to. Typically I have friends everywhere I go in NY, and not having that put me in somewhat of a compromising position. It pushed me out my comfort zone, and trust me. I’ve been VERY comfortable. What I learned is that the hardest part is starting. Once you get over the initial hump of saying hi, you’re in and you can let whatever social skills you have take over. After we left there and parted ways, I hit up a spot called The Reserve with two of the homies. I was impressed. Inside, there was a “Vault” that housed the entire party, with gold bricks under glass in the floor, and decor to match the theme all over. It was live in there. The Reserve had a large variety of beautiful women, people dancing, drinks flowing, and the music was right. My friends were also impressed, but before long I could tell that it wasn't really their scene. They, much like myself, were more the house party and get-together kind of guys. Loud music with no interpersonal interaction wasn't their thing. They decided to leave, and once again, I was alone. Looking at the time, it had just hit 1:15, and the club closed at 2. The two lessons from earlier came right back into my face, and hit me. I was in charge of my own fun, and if I didn't do anything, I wasn't going to have any. I needed to get a move on quick. I scoped the joint for interesting groups. I saw two ladies sitting down next to each other, and casually introduced myself. Long story short, I ended up at dinner with four 30 year olds from South Carolina, where the cheapest entree on the menu was about $30. It wasn't my idea of the most fun I could have, but it was an experience nonetheless. On my long trip home in the Uber, I realized that as much as I was attracted to two of the ladies at the table, I wasn't upset that it didn't turn into anything I’d run home to tell my boys. I was just pleased with the possibilities that arose once I stopped over-thinking about what I was doing, and started doing. Some of the greatest things you’ll ever experience, are hiding behind that moment of hesitation that leads to inaction. Now that I’ve recognized this, I’m much more willing to take immediate action when I see what I want. Whether that's talking to women in a club, speaking to someone important about an opportunity, or even just making decisions that I’d normally spend way too long on, I see that merely thinking about doing something does not get you anything. This doesn't mean I’m insanely impulsive, but I’m less inhibited by the fear of not getting the results I want. The last thing I wanted from my trip to Los Angeles was to come home wishing I did more. Another day down, I prepared for my last full day in Los Angeles. When I got up Mya was getting ready to leave for work, way earlier than I knew I’d ever be ready. I was on my own. It was fine by me, at first I felt weird about doing everything by myself, but I realized I had been alone for most of my journey. I decided to go to the beach because it was cheaper to get to than the observatory, and there would be more to do. I got dressed and called my cab to take on a day at the beach. When I got there, I immediately hopped out and made my way straight to the pier. Another thing I noticed about moving on your own, is that there are no delays in action. No drawn out decisions trying to figure out if you want to go right or left, eat at a place or not, it's whatever you decide, and it all happens at your own pace. As I walked through the pier, the countless meetups and shootouts I had engaged in at that very location flashed back to my memory, all courtesy of the Grand Theft Auto series. In reality, it was a beautiful place that deserved none of that extreme violence, and I couldn't be more pleased that I was there taking it all in. I couldn't see an angry soul, and there was a general happiness to be out in the sun by the ocean. I soaked it all in, and continued walking. I went far enough onto the pier to get a quality picture, and headed back to see what else there was to do. I heard Venice beach was not too far away, and considered heading over there to see what it was like. It was a mile or two down the coast, and I didn't feel like walking there. I rented a bike and headed towards Venice Beach. Considering I hadn't ridden a bike in over 2 years, I was shaky to begin, but quickly locked in my balance. Cruising down the beach on the bike path was amazing. Barely avoiding a couple accidents on the relatively narrow path, I finally made it to Venice beach. You could clearly see the difference in atmosphere, from Santa Monica, to Venice Beach. Venice was way more local, and where you saw classy tourist traps on and near the Santa Monica Pier, you saw colorful homes and quiet alleyways dedicated to parking. There was a community out there, and it showed in how everyone interacted. The skateboarders and bikers congratulated each other over landed tricks and the older rollerskaters did spins as they danced to the tune of 80’s classics, while laughter and shouts of approval filled the air. I love New York City with all my heart, but that right there was something you’d be hard pressed to find in the 5 boroughs. Venice beach was probably my favorite part of my vacation. I can almost say that I’m happy to have gone alone, because it left me no choice but to be present in the moment. I wasn't explicitly having fun, but I was legitimately happy. For a long time, I’d have a hard time distinguishing the two, but I’m glad that I’ve arrived at that conclusion. I looked at the time, and realized I had to make it back to the rental spot by 6:30. I lost track of how long it took to get there, and figured it’d be best if I rushed back, and rushed I did. Two minutes into riding, I recognized how much nicer it’d be if I put the GTA San Andreas soundtrack on, and did just that. The spotify playlist provided me the classic tunes that filtered through my ears years ago as I spent countless hours exploring the digital world of California. First I listened to “Welcome to the Jungle”, then “Some Kind of Wonderful”, and a few other classic tracks. My favorite song from the game, “Freebird by Lynyrd Skynyrd” came on without my input, and I enjoyed every single second of the 10 minute song. Riding along the beach to those songs while the sun set in the background was by far my favorite memory from the trip. Later that night I had arranged to go to an event called TrapXart, a sex themed art party. Amazing stuff. Everyone in there was well put together, the best of Los Angeles showed their face. I messaged an exhibitor I knew from Facebook and quickly found her upstairs. She was exhibiting so I felt weird about hovering with her for too long, considering she had a whole job to do. I didn't want to be annoying, so after a few short minutes of conversation, I parted ways, promising I’d circle back around later. I’d be there for a few hours, so I needed to find something to do. I went and got a drink to kickstart my social side, because I really didn't have it completely under control yet, and got to work. Before long I was using my instagram story as a crutch to meet any and everyone I was interested in. In all honesty it was too easy. Fake it till you make it I guess. As long as I didn't say something stupid in my intro, they’d definitely talk to me and engage in conversation. It didn't matter who it was, artists, exhibitors, models, or the general audience, I spoke to them all while observing the overtly sexual art around me. I met up with another woman I knew from Facebook and her cousin, and we all clicked rather well. We walked around, split up, reconvened, and stopped to talk about how ironic it was to meet someone who lived in New York, while on vacation in California. After checking out the art for about an hour or so, they pretty much got bored of the event, and I realized that although I showed up solo, I was having more fun than they were. No it wasn't gut wrenching laughter, but I wouldn't have minded continuing what I was doing, circulating and speaking to the random people I encountered. Once again, I learned that I could make my own fun, by simply deciding to take action towards the things I wanted to do. I didn't have to settle with a boring experience because the situation wasn't ideal, I had full freedom to make as much out of it as I could, within reasonable limits. It might seem like a minor realization, but I learned something important that I plan to take with me wherever I go. New York, Los Angeles, Ghana, Cambodia, it didn't matter. I could keep myself entertained and engaged in any setting I wanted to, as long as I was willing to step out of my comfort zone. I was enough for me. In New York I had only ever gone out by myself once, and that was one of the most eventful nights of the summer. For a long time I feared being alone, not in an existential sense, but in the sense that I felt company was necessary to enjoy myself or have any fun. Every interesting thing I had done that entire time, was a result of me pushing myself to get what I wanted, even if it was a little awkward at first. Most times I didn't get what I wanted, other times I got some of it, and some times I got something completely different than what I expected to get. The whole trip pushed me to do things I had normally thought were weird, and I didn't even intend for it to teach me as much as it did. One thing you’ve probably noticed this whole time is that I didn't mention anything spectacular. I didn't end up in any wild cocaine-fueled threesomes, didn't wake up on top of a casino, didn't get into any cop chases or turf battles, and I didn't even get to smoke because I just didn't find the right setting for it. It was all in all, a pretty regular vacation. Anyone could do the things I did, and as a matter of fact, I think everyone should. I know if I went with my boys, things would have been drastically different and way more fun, but I wouldn't have learned what I learned or experienced any of the odd situations that made me grow as a human being. Even though it wasn't the exact type of fun I had hoped for, it all ended up being valuable to me for entirely different reasons. With that being said, I encourage everyone to take a trip alone. Pick a reasonably safe place you're interested in, or in my case a place you can afford, set your money aside, and go. Maybe set it up so you can meet a friend or two while you're away, but don't make them the focus of your trip. Don't bring your entire entourage, don't go and stay with family that will expect you to stay by their side the whole time, and don't go with extremely high expectations of what will happen. Just go spend some time by yourself in a strange land. I’m sure you’ll learn something.

[wriwiwo]

85 - Small Things

How far out of your comfort zone would you go for a little bird? 60 minutes.

Every voiceless cry tore his heart into two.

The little fluffy bird was lying there half on its chest, like a cooked egg bumped onto a table to stand up straight. It looked unnatural. But that was how it had landed when it fell off the windowsill three floors above.

He was on his way home and took a shortcut around the big office building when he was puzzled about the lack of birds. Usually, there would be countless sparrows hopping and darting around, but not now. There was something he had heard through the music from his earphones and when he looked around, sure enough, there he spotted it: A young sparrow, looking like it was dying. If there had been enough strength left in the little body, it would have cried out or at least croaked. The beak moved as if to make a sound, but there was only silent agony.

He stood still, frozen, his eyes tearing up with every blink of an eye as he realized what he saw.

You have to do something. But I don’t know what. I don’t know anything about birds. Are other birds here? There should be other birds. They could feed it at least.

There were no birds. There was concrete underneath them, the sky above, the building to the side and a parking lot across from them. No help anywhere.

It’s dying. The fall probably smashed all its bones. I can’t take just watching it die. You have to help. I don’t even know how to pick it up. I’ve got nothing to transport it in – if me grabbing it doesn’t already kill it. I need to find help. There’s no one here. You have a phone, no? I can’t deal with this…

He slowly began to walk away, looking back at the bird every other step. It looked at him like it was trying to ask him for help. It tore him up inside. He felt like throwing up.

Nothing compared to how it suffers.

He fumbled his smartphone from a pocket in his pants and started to look up phrases that made sense in this case.

There had to be some place he could call.

The page wouldn’t open. Something about not being able to establish a secure connection. Like that fucking matters right now. Give me something helpful, please.

A few steps further his reception popped back up to a normal level and the page finally showed something.

He wouldn’t normally read something out loud to himself – he always made fun of people that did – but he did, as if trying to teach himself something.

So there was a place he could call. Could have called. They had closed an hour ago.

Fuck. Fuck!

He kept torturing the search engine with one request after the other. Nothing useful came up, though. He’d almost walked to end of the block and to his bus stop, the bird still not moving or making a sound.

There is nothing I can do. It’s not my fault. It’s your fault if you don’t try. If it was a person, you wouldn’t give up.

Several eternities and only slivers of any helpful information later, the bus pulled up. Every step further away from the animal made him want to vomit harder, but the lack of confidence in his ability to help did push him to step in.

He knew everything about caring for these birds now. Make them a makeshift nest with a towel. Feed them cat food soaked in water with a small pincer. Make sure that other birds could come close to it. Keep it warm. If it is cold, take it into your hands and breathe on it to warm it up. There was no group of people that would come and pick it up, because this type of animal is too common. That felt like an insult, but there was nothing he could do to change that. Maybe donate some money to one of these places so that they have the resources to take in all kinds of animals, no matter how many there were of them already.

Yeah, that was a good idea. He should donate some money so that next time, he could just call them for help.

I wish I had gone the long way around. Maybe. Stop drifting off and keep looking. There has to be something that can be done.

It was not until two stops later that he found the first bit of something helpful. He swallowed hard when recognized the picture on his phone. The same clinic that put down his dog a decade ago was the only place where he could go. The only clinic that would be willing to even take a sparrow. Getting there would be a trial – get something to transport the bird in from home half an hour away, go back, get the bird, go as fast as possible to the next underground station, take two trains for another half an hour and then walk half a mile to the clinic. This would take forever.

Not how I wanted my afternoon to be. You are a selfish asshole.

He sighed. As he looked out the dirty window at the city passing him by, it clicked. He knew someone that knew more than he. A few presses on his phone later, he pressed it against the side of his face as if pressing it harder would get his call to be picked up faster.

Pick up, please…

“… hello?” – the greeting was followed by an unhealthy coughing. “I’m sorry, I know you are down with the flu, but I need your help…”

He filled in his friend, who had been working in an animal shelter for a while. She was experienced with birds, too. And unlike him, she would not let her own comfort or lack of it come in the way of doing what he did know was the right thing.

“… I’ll come your way in the next bus.”

That was all he needed to hear.

“Thank you.”

The few stops to meet up with her were hell. Every second seemed to take forever. He cursed every red light and passenger getting into or out of the bus. At the same time, time seemed to fly by and before he realized, they were back at the stop where he had gotten in.

It must have looked funny for the few people around, with him running to the building and his friend trying to walk as fast as her fever and pounding headache let her.

And then he got there.

The bird was gone.

He panicked. He jogged up and down the sides of the building twice, looking for where it could be. If it had been as bad as it looked, it couldn’t have gone far, if anywhere at all. But there was no little dying bird here. His friend was coughing her lungs out somewhere behind him, but there was something else in the air that disturbed the silence.

He ran back, past her, towards the few trees that were that way. No birds there. He’d seen a fox here a few weeks ago, but usually it was just a few wild bunnies.

If the fox got it, at least that’s nature, I guess. Do bunnies eat sparrows? Probably not, no. The fox then?

He wasn’t big on spotting tracks, but the sand on the ground around here was completely undisturbed except for the tracks of shoes. No animal footprints anywhere.

“You do know that sometimes birds that fall out of the nest are under shock, right?” “Are they? But it looked like it was basically dead already. I don’t think it would be able to recover from that.” “Then the clinic would only have put it down. They can’t mend those bones either.” “But still…” “I know. Someone else probably picked it up and took it along. I wouldn’t mind a pet sparrow.”

His stomach slowly uncoiled again as they prepared to walk back to the bus stop. As he walked over the concrete, thinking whether he should have just picked up the little bird earlier and risked it, he realized there was another sound coming from somewhere behind him, above him.

It was a small fluffy sparrow, chirping for food, on a windowsill.