#something something he wants sarah to respect fear or love him like she does their father

[futuremrscameron]

rafe wants to be his father so bad oh my god i would love to study his brian

this is SUCH a demeaning way to be grabbed. by the back of the neck like a misbehaving dog. and if you've ever been grabbed like this before u know the only response is hiking your shoulders up and trying to squirm away. the back of your neck is very vulnerable. and being grabbed there like this makes you feel vulnerable and helpless and humiliated .......

of all the places to grab her. arm, leg, shoulder, anything, he goes for the neck because it's the most damaging (with the physical potential of trauma to the neck or mentally with the feelings it evokes), and it's the hold that gives him the most power over her in this moment.

ward goes for the neck a lot, both aggressively and with softness. to me this comes across as a learned behaviour.....

[letsbeflawed]

Some thoughts about the movie Labyrinth

Me and Dara have been talking alot about Labyrinth(1986). He wanted to write a whole in-depth essay and I'm tired so we're writing it my way. Dara btw is an alter who loves movies and books and we frequently get into long talks and debates. Anyways enjoy or thoughts on the topic. Now Labyrinth is a really fun and unique movie with very creepy undertones that center on emotional abuse and manipulation. Many people have looked at that as the center of conversation but we have found a point we don't necessarily believe is discussed enough when people talk about the movie. Which is the movie isn't just about a predator going after his prey, but instead is a critique on how a teen girl navigates the various forms of masculinity and feminity in her life. Now I mean it in a metaphorical symbolic kinda of way. Because when you look at all the characters they're almost all men, except the fairies, partygoers and junk ladies. Which in itself is very unique commentary on feminity. I will give a brief idea of what we mean, keep in mind this is a subjective opinion. These are not a reflection of all men or all women, just patterns noticed that feel connected to the symbolism and story

Faries are symbolic of women who are strong and fight or live outside the norm being brought down by someone who feels trapped within that norm, who views their strength as a burden/pest. The partygoers are women who work within the system that have essentially capitalized on it while allowing and even helping the predators to keep doing their harmful behavior. They are victims too but victims with enough to be comfortable. The junk ladies are women who use money and escapism to avoid the actual state they're in. They are stagnant, isolated and lonely even though they are together in lil groups. Then when we look at the men or more masculine monsters we see something similar. Hoggle is like the every man, trapped in a system that aims to push, exploit and belittle him. He is treated as less than a person but when someone starts to treat him as a person it becomes a threat. He considers exploiting her, using her to get favor to be treated with more respect from a person who never was going to give it to him. It's only when he faces his fears and does the right thing that he's able to break from the circle of abuse he's been conditioned into and find people that do value him. Ludo is basically the himbo, he has a big heart, sweet and sincere. But what's the most interesting about his character is that despite his strength his greatest power is his love for rocks and how those rocks are always there to support him. Ludo is strong, big, and threatening but instead, he asks for help. Never feeling weak or threatened by the strength he see's in others. Even when he's stuck in that trap when Sarah helps him he feels no shame, instead he just wants to feel safe. This heavily implies that to Ludo, Sarah is like his rock, a strong dependable person who he can respect. She like the rocks came when he called and chose to help him out of genuine care. She's not a threat, she doesn't change who he is or how strong he is, instead she like the rocks give him the strength to know he doesn't have to face challenges alone. Then Sir Didymus is like those older war vets who are on guard, fueled by justice and duty to what is important to them. But with a simple conversation and trying to understand them, they are strong, dependable and loyal to the core. Yes, he can come off as brash but he's doing the best with what he knows. It also feels like a grandpa figure who been through so much but still keeps up that unrelenting hope and even thriving in the worst conditions. Then when we look at the firey it feels almost like a symbol for good intentions with no communication. The firey just want to have fun and enjoy themselves while allowing others to join in on that fun. But they're so focused on what is good for them they never stop to consider that others can't do the same things as them. So when someone says "No, this will hurt me." they don't believe it because they are stuck in their own perspective on what is good, not realizing their actions could have killed her. Then when she physically retaliates to protect herself they see it as an attack and don't understand why she would react that way to their good intentions. When the fact of the matter is what they think is good and justified isn't good for her and her unique situation. There's literally so much more to talk about with this film but yeah. It's just really fascinating to think about and analyze because the movie feels so thoughtful in its illustration of the human character within an inhuman setting.

[luke-hughes43]

"What the hell dude?!" | Luke and Stella

this is a little more in depth abt trevor hurting stella's feelings abt her moving to jersey.

stella's pov

we're all hanging out outside and have the fire going. I'm curled in luke's lap on the verge of falling asleep. I'm vaguely listening to the conversation the guys were having. the only thing I really hear is trevor (very drunkenly might I add) make a comment along the lines of, "oh like stel going to jersey for Luke?"

my whole body just freezes. that just hits a nerve because him of all people know that I was hesitant about going in the first place and why. trevor then goes on to say, "it's like that girl, Sarah I think, from high school who followed that guy she was dating to college in like Florida or something and then they broke up like a month into college or something. that's the stupidest thing, moving across the country for your boyfriend/girlfriend. honestly."

that really strikes a nerve with me and so I just get up and go inside. Luke calls after me, I can hear trevor getting smacked in the head, and I hear the door reopen after I close it.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and I turn to see Quinn. he pulls me in for a hug and I just start balling. once I've calmed down enough to talk I say, "why would he say that? that's so mean and he knows that that was my biggest fear is transferring anyways. like does my own brother think that little of me and thinks that I just follow Luke around like a lost puppy? is that what everyone thinks of me?"

Quinn says softly, "stel, I promise that we don't think that of you. and I know that Luke doesn't. Trevor is just an asshole and he's drunk so he's a drunk asshole. I promise, he doesn't think of you like that either. and even if he did, I don't. jack doesn't, but more importantly Luke doesn't. he called me and talked me for like an hour a few days before asking about going to jersey in the first to make sure it was a good idea. he didn't want you to feel obligated to go with him. Stella, Luke loves you more than anything in this world, you are the oxygen he breathes, if you wanted to move to Mexico, he'd quit hockey and go with you."

I just nod and focus on the words he's saying. we stand there in silence for a while and Quinn just hugs me and holds me tight. after a few minutes he asks, "want me to go get Luke?"

I say quietly, "yes please."

"ok stel." he says and lets go to go get Luke. I try to wipe the tears away when Quinn leaves but they just come flooding back when I see Luke. he sweeps me up in a hug and brings to our room. Luke does his best to calm me down and eventually I fall asleep from exhaustion. Luke stays the whole night with me, never leaving my side.

Quinn's pov

after I calm Stella down, I get Luke so that he can comfort her while I rip trevor a new one. I go back outside and say, "Luke. she needs you." he nods and quickly goes inside after her. once I hear the door shut, I start ripping into trevor.

"what the hell dude? why the fuck would you say that? you know she's worried that everyone will think of her as some lovestruck fool that can't be more than 5 feet from Luke since she's transferring to be closer to him. she was just crying in my arms scared that we all thought of her as some lost puppy that follows Luke around. that's your fucking sister trevor, treat her with respect."

"ok I'm sorry. it's not that big a deal q."

"it is a big deal. get your head out of your ass and sober up before apologizing to her. get a grip zegras. your own fucking sister, who's the love of my baby brother's life, is a mess because she thinks that all you see her as a lost poppy following Luke around. the last thing she ever wanted was for people to think of her like and now the person who was supposed to protect her from the world and the monsters under her bed is the one making her feel so small and so bad about herself. fix it trevor, or I swear to god you're never welcome back here."

trevor's eyes get wide and so does everyone else's. he nods frantically searching for the nearest water to help kickstart his detox. jack looks at him with a reassuring smile and nod that I did the right thing. if her own brother is gonna be treat her like shit, then someone has to protect her when trevor's an ass so it's gonna be jack and i.

she's the little sister we always wanted growing up and we're gonna treat her and protect her like she is. 

[blazenka]

Professional Affairs

During s3, Sarah and Connor meet and begin to grow closer. Could they just stay co-workers or fall into something more? How will Abby react when and if she finds out?

Original source: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6139386/1/Professional-Affairs

Chapters: 10

Published: 2010-07-14 - 2011-01-01  

Words: 17268

Rated: Fiction T - Language: English - Genre: Romance/Friendship - Characters: Connor T., Sarah P. - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 4

Exported with the assistance of FicHub.net

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter Eight:

Connor gawked at Sarah's marvelous apartment. Unfortunately, despite how impressive he thought of her place, he could not get over how much it looked like a museum with all the Egyptian artifacts of various surfaces. "Maybe this is a bad idea," he muttered as he backed towards the door.

"What?" Sarah gasped as she turned sharply towards him. Connor winced as he saw the hurt in her eyes, "Not what I mean Sarah. It's just I… sort of have phobias of museums and such related objects," he explained with a pained grin.

Sarah looked around with irritation. She couldn't help but wonder when her quaint little apartment turned into some sort-of storage unit for useless artifacts she collected. "You know, I'll get over it. It's such a childish fear that I should have gotten over long before. Don't worry about it, I'll be fine. Just give me some sheets and I'll just stay on the couch and out of your way," he grinned before speaking on and on… and on.

"Connor," she simply said but when that failed to gain his attention she yelled, "Connor!" He quickly turned around to meet her, "Yes love?" She smiled and contently sighed before pointing out, "Connor, your rambling." Connor looked ashamed for a moment then muttered a sorry as he turned to the couch.

"Yet, you're completely right. It does look like a museum. I can move some things around to make you more comfortable," she stated as she grabbed linens from her closet for him.

"Egyptian cotton?" he asked and Sarah was surprised at his remark until she realized he had been joking. "Actually," she admitted, "Yes, it is." She quickly tossed them at him before smugly stating, "Good night," and closed the door to her bedroom.

Abby was just a little bit irritated as she waited in her refurbished lab for Connor. Well, Connor was not to blame for all her irritation. Mostly her brother was at fault; he had mates over all the time, was out all night and kept going through her things.

At least Connor knew to respect her space. Jack was her brother and was totally clueless. She sighed as she took a sip of her coffee, who would have ever guessed she would miss Connor? Not her.

Abby was just musing over her thoughts until she spotted Connor walking in with Sarah Page and almost spitted her coffee back into her mug. 'What the hell is he doing with her?' she wondered as the two laughed and smiled while they walked into Connor's office.

She did not know what to be mad at more: Connor not even saying hello to her or Connor being really close to Sarah that felt too much like the whole Caroline incident all over again. It was strange how quickly Abby's anger seems to transfer from individuals to Connor.

Connor was in a ridiculously good mood. This morning he tried to wake early to make some coffee for the two of them and clean up his sleepy arrangement. One thing he learned from Abby was most women like their placed to keep clean. Then Sarah and he had the most wonderful time talking while driving to work. He might even whistle while he worked on the artifact. Well… he was going to till Sarah left the room and Abby stormed in.

"Hello Connor," she muttered and just by her stance he wanted to shriek away, he did not dare look up into her blue eyes. "Good morning, Abby. How's Rex doing? Sid and Nancy miss him terribly," he informed her. He felt as if he needed to bring up things she loved, even though he had no clue what he did wrong. "He's just fine," she growled as she circled towards him. Connor desperately wanted to back away and give her some space for some reason.

"So, where exactly are you staying?" Abby asked and Connor winced but straightened, she was the one who kicked him out of the flat they shared so it shouldn't matter who he was staying with. "I'm staying with Sarah," he stated plainly as he continued to look over the artifact. "I thought you were staying with a mate," she countered, irritation evident in her voice.

"Sarah is a friend," and when she still continued to glare, he explained, "After Tom died and Duncan and I fell out of touched I really didn't have any proper mates left. I know it's the same with you, Abbs. Our jobs dominant our lives so who did you honestly think I would be staying with while your brother is here?" he asked and Abby's face fell. She really hadn't thought about how Connor would be, for all she knew he could have been staying in his office at the ARC.

She gave in and sighed before apologizing, "I didn't Connor. I was so caught up with Jack I didn't think about you. He should be here only for a while then you can move back in," she admitted. "Along with Sid and Nancy too?" he asked with a smile.

"Of course," she said as she moved but stopped at its frame, "Connor?" she questioned. "Yea?" he replied as he looked up from his work. "We're the only ones left from the original Anomaly team, aren't we?" she asked with an anxious expression. "Yea Abby, both of us and Lester are the only ones left. Don't worry, you're best mate isn't going anywhere," he grinned before turning back to his work.

Sarah soon entered after Abby had left and returned to her seat next to Connor. "Everything okay between you two?" she asked. "Yea, she just wanted to know where I'm staying while her brother is in our flat," he answered. "Yea, Connor… did, um… Abby usually allow you to put your socks in her bread maker?" she asked. Connor shook his head while slinking away from her. "Please don't do it again, Connor," she asked as she turned back to the artifact.

Connor agreed grimly before asking, "So how is it going with the artifact?" Sarah groaned, "We've tried everything we can think of but… nothing has worked to unlock the artifact." Connor nodded as he turned a desk lamp above the artifact on.

Suddenly, Sarah's eyes widen as an idea popped in her head, "Connor, you got it!" Then she grasped the sides of his face as continued to beam her smile. Connor couldn't help his train of thought of how it would be if he could make her smile like that more often.

Sarah continued to comment how he was brilliant as she leaned in to kiss him. It was brief and quick but Connor committed the moment to memory instantly. She quickly moved away and Connor simply muttered, "I know," as he grinned. He continued that signature grin until he came out of his daze, "What have I done?" he called out to her.

Soon the two had the laser set up around the artifact. "Try adjusting the focus of the laser," Connor suggested, yet, Sarah did exactly that and nothing happened. "Oh, it was a stupid idea. This isn't going to work," she muttered in frustration. "Maybe if we try adjusting the angle. How about now?" he asked as he turned the laser.

"Connor, it's not working," she complained and half whined. "How about now? Now?" he continued to turn the laser around, determined to make it work and Sarah happy. "No, Connor. It's not going to work. It was a stupid idea," she admitted and Connor couldn't help but slam his hand down on… something.

Suddenly, a swirl of light lifted from the artifact itself forming some sort of map. "Is that?" Connor gasped and Sarah rejoiced, "It looks like the matrix Cutter was building! Cutter knew!" Connor was relieved she was happy again but both were disappointed when the image faded from above them.

"Connor, how did you do that? Do it again," Sarah asked and Connor could only shrug. "I'm not exactly sure how I did that," Connor admitted. Soon both went back make the map appear again before Danny rushed out of Lester's office.

"Connor! Sarah! Johnson's been watching! She knows we have the artifact, we have five minutes to get out of here," he demanded and Connor quickly reached for the artifact as the team rushed towards the exit.

previous chapter

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[elainsgarden]

Do you think it's okay for people to hate Elain?

Here's the thing, *cracks knuckles* some people are always going to hate characters. Even the most beloved character will have some haters because that's just human nature. However, I 110% believe that 99.9% of the hate that Elain Archeron gets is unjustified.

We've all seen the screenshots and hate tweets that she receives on the regular, but even just the most random comments about why people hate her are unfair. From something as simple as, "the Inner Circle didn't blame her like they did Nesta" so we're blaming Elain for that and not them? When Elain herself is the one who said "I'm to blame too not just Nesta for not doing more for Feyre."

"She's just boring I hate her."

Now...this one is hard to dispute because if you find a character boring that's on you and I can't argue that. But what I will argue is that I've never had a character that I find boring that I spend so much time talking about or hating. If I find a character boring, I simply forget about them or don't even care to talk/argue about them at all...because they're boring. I do like to discuss characters that are horrible people or ones I love, but never ones I simply find boring. I think many also find her “boring” because she’s not a warrior like many of the SJM females. She likes to do girly things, bake and garden and not engage in battle and training. And that’s OK. Women in the fantasy genre in general are usually treated terribly by fandom and it’s sad to see. And adding to this, SJM has purposely given Elain an arc and story about her playing a part because she thinks that's what's expected of her. Rhys himself addressed this in the Feysand bonus chapter:

"She's mean to my favorite ginger Lucien"

Now THIS one gets me heated. Never should a female character be judged on if she's uncomfortable or wants to be around around a male character. She's been polite when she had to be but she clearly does not want to be around him at this time. Now maybe you can find an argument that, "why doesn't she just tell him no" why should a woman have to? Lucien himself knows Elain doesn't wanna be around him, so fandom should respect that. Elain was thrust into this world of fae customs and beliefs and is still very much mourning her human life. She doesn't want a mate. We also know that Lucien is very much connected to her trauma of being made against her will. Did he know any of that was gonna happen? No, but regardless he's a part of it. I don't vilify Lucien for wanting a mate and mourning that Elain might not want him the way he does, but we can't blame Elain for not being more forward when Lucien himself hasn't confronted the situation either. He has to understand she's mourning her fiancee and is not interested. Let's stop blaming the women in these instances. Sarah is clearly saving this drama for Elain's book. It's all been set up. And btw, she isn't mean. She's been polite, but again she's not comfortable around him and what "mates" are in this world. I remember seeing Mor vilified for not being more open to Azriel or "stringing him along" and that pissed me off too. I will always stand by women. These men are hundreds of years old, they can read signals and tell when a woman isn't into it.

"She didn't fight for Nesta the way Nesta did for her"

Elain quite literally got over her fears of battle and bloodshed and stabbed the king in the neck right before he was about to kill Nesta and Cassian both. If that's not the biggest showing of love from Elain for Nesta then I don't know what is. I think fandom quite often forgets that Elain is still very much traumatized like Nesta as well. Nesta's trauma is manifesting as drinking and sleeping around and lashing out, Elain's is retreating into herself and pretending that everything is fine. Fandom wants to blame Elain for Nesta's inner thoughts and self doubts in ACOSF when Elain DID try but she was pushed away repeatedly by Nesta. Why are we blaming Elain for that? You can only take people yelling at you for so long before you take the hint and stay away.

In conclusion, Elain Archeron is a good person, a good character with so much room for potential, and so much more than shipper bias and hate. I eagerly await her story and journey and the people that hate her are gonna do so regardless, but I’m happy to know that they’re being silly and mostly misogynistic the entire time they’re doing it. 

[cryonme]

ɪ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴏʙꜱᴇꜱꜱᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍᴇ

part one >< jj x reader

﹥ˏˋ♡̩͙♡̩̩̥͙♡̩̥̩ ⋆ ♡̩̥̩♡̩̩̥͙♡̩͙ˊˎ﹤

JJ and Y/n have a fuck hate relationship, well, JJ does. Y/n’s madly in love and JJ’s just mad. When Y/n finally decides enough is enough and confesses her feelings to JJ, she leaves the chateau in pieces.

word count- 1.4k

tw/ cursing, mentions of sex, jj is an ASSHOLE, drinking, shitty writing.

a/n- wowwie! my first outer banks imagine, how fun! I've been wanting to write for obx for a while now so I'm really excited about this, and I hope you all love it as much as I do!! there will be a part two, so don’t get too sad about the ending... yet. xo

++

“Wanna tell your best friend to stop glaring at me?” You spat as you grabbed a red solo cup while waiting in line for the keg.

John B just chuckled and shook his head, “I’m afraid it wouldn’t do any good, my friend.”

You rolled your eyes. JJ had been shooting daggers at you all night. Actually, scratch that. JJ had been shooting daggers at you for the past 2 and a half years. You were a pogue, just like him and his friends. You worked for everything you had, you wore the same 7 t shirts and the same 2 bikinis, and your parents weren't exactly star role models. So you weren’t sure where JJ’s hatred for you stemmed from, until you came to the realization that he couldn’t handle another person coming into the friend group, and did his best to try and drive you out of it.

And yet you were stupidly, uncontrollably, head over heels in love with him.

Yes, you heard that right.

Despite the blue eyed boy’s disdain for you, he couldn’t keep his hands off of you. The two of you had been drunk fucking for 6 months now. It all started when you were all getting drunk at the chateau and JJ had accidentally stumbled into the room you had been laying in, and things just escalated from there. Every time you fucked you saw a different JJ, probably just because he was drunk, which you tried not to think about. He would ask you if you were comfortable, cup your face when he kissed you, stroke your hair, like he was in love with you too. But as soon as you were done he wouldn’t look at you, like he was disgusted with himself for ever touching you.

You kept his secret, didn’t tell anyone about the nights JJ would drunkenly squeeze through your window and kiss you like it was the first time, everytime.

You were tempted, wanted to embarrass him for the way he treated you in public, but you soon came to realize that if you told anybody, JJ would never kiss you again. So, you kept your mouth shut. No matter how badly you wanted to open it.

John B nudged your arm, “Don’t let him bother you, he’s really not worth it. He’s just jealous.”

“Jealous of what?” You asked.

“That there’s other people in this world we can get along with.”

You scoffed, “He needs to grow up, he’s acting like a child.”

“I agree.” John B said before ruffling your hair and walking off to find Sarah.

You sighed and turned your head toward JJ, who unsurprisingly was glaring at you again.

You smirked and mouthed, “I know you’re obsessed with me.” Before raising your red solo cup to your lips and taking a sip.

JJ clenched his jaw and turned away from you, walking in the other direction.

If he was gonna be a dick to you, you were gonna be a dick back. It’s not fair that he gets to treat you like trash but the second you retaliate the world ends.

You decided right then, standing on the beach with a beer in your hand and your toes grazing the water, you were done. He can’t treat you like this and expect you to spread your legs in return. No matter how much it would hurt not being able to kiss or touch him again, it had to be done. You had to respect yourself more than that.

You turned your body towards the party and scanned your eyes over the crowd, finally landing them on him. He was talking to Kiara, smiling and sipping on his drink, and your heart sank. He would never be that way with you, which is why it was time to do what you had to do.

You took your time walking over to the pair, kicking your feet in the sand, stopping and talking to a couple familiar faces before finally landing next to Kiara. She smiled and wrapped an arm around you.

“Where’ve you been, babe?”

You shrugged and leaned into the girl, “Around.”

JJ stayed silent as the two you chit chatted, looking everywhere except at you.

Once your conversation with Kie hit a lull you turned to the blond, “We need to talk.”

He scoffed, “Yeah, like that’s gonna happen.”

“JJ.” Kiara said in a harsh tone, looking at you apologetically. You dismissed her with a soft smile, assuring her it was fine. She looked between the two of you before backing off, giving your arm a quick squeeze. “Let me know if you need me.”

You nodded and watched the girl walk away, starting to dread what you had to do.

“I’m serious, JJ.”

“I’m not fucking talking to you.”

“Alright, fine.” You put your hands up in surrender and walked closer to the boy, leaning in to whisper in your ear.

“I’m done fucking you.”

Before you could walk away JJ firmly grabbed your arm and stared down at you. You kept your head high and your face serious, letting him know you weren't kidding around.

“Let’s talk in private.”

++

You got to the chateau before JJ did since he insisted you don’t walk together, out of fear of your cover being blown. You stood awkwardly in John B’s spare room, the one JJ had declared as his own, waiting for him to make his appearance.

When he did, he slammed the door and you willed everything in you not to jump. He stood in silence in front of you for what felt like hours, staring at you like if you made one wrong move he’d strangle you right then and there.

“I’m done.”

“Yeah, I gathered that much. Care to explain?” He said in a voice so intimidating it took everything in you not to shrink down and crawl out the window. You took a deep breath. You were really gonna do this, after all these months of burying your feelings, you were really gonna do it. “I love you.” You said. Your voice shook, but dammit, you said it.

“No you don’t.”

You weren’t prepared for that response. You expected him to laugh in your face, yell at you, maybe even kiss you and confess his feelings, but not that.

“You don’t know me.” You spat. “How dare you tell me how I feel?”

“I do know you, Y/n. I know you’re desperate for any form of attention. I know you think you love me because I give you just a sliver of that attention you desperately crave.” JJ’s voice got lower as he began to slowly walk towards you, not stopping until he was inches from your face. His hand came up and gripped your jaw, turning your face to make you look up at him.

“You literally mean nothing to me.”

You pushed him off of you, “You asshole.”

“Maybe. But at least I wasn’t stupid enough to fall for someone who hates me.”

If you weren’t angry before, you were now. You could feel white hot anger rising up in your chest as your fists began to clench and your muscles began to shake.

“If you hate me so much why do you fuck me like you’re in love with me?!” You nearly screamed in his face, while he showed absolutely no emotion. He stared at you for a long time,saying absolutely nothing, just breathing heavily and running a hand through his hair every 10 seconds.

You waited. You waited for what felt like forever for him to say something, anything. You just wanted to know what he was thinking, if he told you to fuck off, fine. If he told you he was in love with you but just didn’t want to admit it, fine. You just needed something from him.

“I think you need to leave.” He said finally, his eyes still not moving from his heavy gaze on you.

You nodded and quickly wiped a tear from your eye. “Gladly. Have a shitty life, asshole.”

You made sure to clip his shoulder with yours on the way out, and slam the door just like he had earlier in the night.

When you exited the chateau, the sun hadn’t even set yet, and the young drunk teens were still dancing and laughing. Your eyes found your friends, Kiara, Pope and John B. Pope’s arm was extended, holding a phone and snapping a selfie of the trio, all of them with the goofiest grins on their faces. You felt a pang in your chest watching them.

You weren’t planning on coming around anymore.

ahhhh.... part two??

[favefandomimagines]

A Little Too Late (b.b.)

Summary: bucky tries to come back into your life after leaving you alone.

AN: i’m in the mood for some ANGST

You hadn’t known anything was wrong until you got back home and Bucky was packing his things.

After the blip, things became difficult. Bucky tried his best to settle into a normal routine and a normal life with you. But it wasn’t as easy as he had hoped.

His mind was riddled with nightmares every night and though you did your best to calm him down, he felt like nothing was helping. So Bucky decided he needed to go back and help Sam with missions. To try and find some sort of purpose and maybe Sam could give him the kick in the ass he needed to be better for you.

“Bucky, what are you doing?” You asked him as you walked into the bedroom. “I’m uh, going on a mission with Sam.” He answered. “A mission that requires all of your stuff?” You questioned. “Y/N, I think it’s best if I go off and figure some stuff out.” He said.

You looked at him with furrowed brows before you scoffed and tossed your keys on the dresser. “Figure stuff out? I thought we were supposed to do that together.” You said. “Everything‘s just so complicated right now.” Bucky replied.

“Why don’t you want to fight for us?” You questioned. “Because maybe there’s nothing left to fight for.” Bucky snapped, but he didn’t mean it. He just needed you to let him go and he knew you loved him so much you wouldn’t let that happen.

Bucky saw the hurt wash over your face as you looked at him. “Fine. Then leave. I hope I never see you again.” You sneered, slamming the bedroom door in the process. He waited for a moment until he heard the front door slam shortly after.

It was your apartment technically but you couldn’t watch as Bucky seemingly walked out of your life and do it so easily. You didn’t know what to do or where to go from there. You were planning a whole life with Bucky and in one instant all of that was gone.

—

It had been four and a half years since you saw Bucky Barnes. And in that time, you found out you were pregnant. You and Bucky hadn’t necessarily been careful when it came to that.

The last thing you wanted was to raise a baby without him but you persisted. And you have birth to Henry Stephen Barnes, who was the spitting image of his father.

Being a single mother was no easy feat but given that you were raised by a single mother, you learned from the best. You didn’t tell anyone about Henry at first, in fear of it getting to Bucky. You knew your son needed his father but Bucky was the one who walked out on you and your relationship. You didn’t know how to contact him anyways.

The only person you told besides Sarah was Wanda. She helped as best she could but she herself was going through some hard times and you understood that.

You gave Henry the best life you could and though it wasn’t much, he was still a very happy and bubbly toddler.

Sam and Bucky landed in DC after a rather successful mission and were met with a call from Sarah.

“Hey, Sarah.” Sam greeted her and put the phone on speaker. “Hey, what is Y/N’s new address? I want to send her some stuff for Henry.” Sarah asked.

Bucky and Sam exchanged a glance, Sam’s more guilty than Bucky’s. “Uh, Sarah can I call you back?” Sam questioned before hanging up the phone soon after that.

“What was she talking about?” Bucky asked. “Buck,” Sam started. “What was Sarah talking about, Sam?” Bucky questioned. Sam sighed, knowing he was going to get an earful from you and his sister.

Sarah had accidentally let it slip to her brother that you had Bucky’s baby. He had overhead a conversation between the two of you and she told him everything.

“Y/N had a baby. He’s four, his name is Henry. Looks just like you.” Sam answered. “Y/N was pregnant? And she didn’t tell me?” Bucky asked. “She didn’t know and would that have made you stay? You weren’t all the way there with her Bucky, and you wouldn’t have been all the way there with a baby.” Sam said.

“I have to talk to her.” Bucky said. “Whoa, whoa you can’t just show up to her place.” Sam told him. “Then give me her number. She’s changed it since I left.” Bucky pleaded.

Sam sighed but gave him your number anyways. Bucky dialed it into his phone and stepped off to the side as it rang.

“Hello?” You answered. Bucky froze at the sound of your voice. He hadn’t heard your voice in so long and it took his breath away. “Hello?” You asked again. “Um, hey Y/N.” Bucky said.

It was then your turn to freeze. The man you had held so much resentment and anger for had contacted you after three years.

Before you replied, Bucky heard the sound of a small child’s voice in the background. “Mommy, mommy!” He heard before it become just muffled sounds and you shushing someone on the other end.

“How did you get this number?” You asked. “Sam gave it to me. I heard about the baby and I felt like we should talk.” Bucky explained. “No. No, we don’t get to talk, Bucky. Because you didn’t want to do any talking before you decided to just up and leave.” You said. “That’s fair and I understand you’re upset with me, I’m upset with myself. But we have a son, Y/N.” He said.

“I have a son. There is no we anymore. You hurt me and I will not let you hurt him like that.” You snapped. “Y/N, please.” Bucky begged, this conversation not going the way he expected. “Don’t call this number again.” You said and then Bucky heard nothing but a dial tone.

Bucky didn’t know what kind of reaction he was expecting from you but he understood. He left you and for four years you had to raise your son your own. It wasn’t fair to you or Henry.

“I need her address, Sam.” He said. “She doesn’t want to see you, Buck. She’s made that very clear to everyone.” Sam replied. “I have a son. Something I never thought I could have after what happened to me. I need to make this right with her.” Bucky said.

Sam hesitated for a moment, knowing that either way he was going to face someone’s wrath. “I will go. I will talk to her, see if I can convince her.” He said.

Bucky wanted to argue but he knew that Sam going was probably the safer option. When Sam left, all Bucky could think about was Henry.

Did he look like him? Act like you? Did he inherit your powers? He missed a large chunk of his son’s life and now it was eating him alive.

You and Henry were sitting in the living room and you were helping him with his pre-school show and tell project. A knock on the door caused the both of you to look from the door to each other.

“Stay here, kiddo.” You told him. You walked towards the door and saw Sam on the other side when you opened it.

“Uncle Sam!” Henry cheered, running to the man. “Sup buddy? How’s my second in command?” Sam asked, scooping him up. “Great! Mommy said I could take you to show and tell if it was okay with you.” Henry answered. “Of course it’s okay with me. You’d be the coolest kid in that place.” Sam said.

You looked at him, giving him a look that only showed that you were a little upset with him.

“Henry, baby, why don’t you go clean up for dinner? Then you can show Uncle Sam your new toy.” You told him. “Okay, mommy.” The little boy said.

Sam set him down and he ran off down the hallway. “You gave Bucky my number?” You asked. “Sarah called, I put it on speaker and she let it slip. He asked for your number, I’m sorry.” He explained.

You sighed, running your hand through your hair. “He wants to see you. You and Henry.” Sam added. “No, no, absolutely not. I won’t put Henry in the situation of getting close to him then Bucky just leaves when it gets hard. He’s just starting to develop his powers, I can’t have anything set him off.” You said quickly.

“Then don’t do it for Bucky. Do it for you. You need the closure for you to finally move on.” Sam said. “No, Sam. Bucky made his choice. I wasn’t enough for him to stay and that won’t change because he has a kid. I still won’t be enough.” You said. 

Sam sighed, not liking your answer but respecting it anyways. No one knew the full extent of what happened between you and Bucky, just that he left. You and him didn’t bother telling everyone why. 

“You know he’s just going to find a way here eventually.” He said. “Let him try. I’ll say the same thing to him that I told you. He made his choice, now he has to live with it.” You said.

Henry came running out of his room with his new toy in hand, practically climbing on Sam to show him.

The little boy was talking the man’s head off about it and you just smiled at him. Henry wasn’t given the easiest life but that never let him dull his sparkle.

When Henry went to go play with said new toy, Sam leaned against the counter.

“You did such a good job with him, Y/N.” He said. “Really?” You asked. “Yes, really. Not only does that kid have the coolest mom in the world, you gave him the best life you knew how.” Sam told you.

Bucky stood outside your door overhearing your conversation with Sam, a pained expression on his face. He wanted to storm into your apartment and tell you that you were more than enough.

He’s wanted to make things right long before he found out about Henry. But you were right. Bucky made his choice and now he had to live with it.

[pankowfruitsnacks]

Shattered JJ Maybank Five

master list | series master list

warning: blood, stitches, anger

word count: 1468

———————-

"John B?" Ava called into the house.

She heard shuffling from the room. "Changing. Be out in one minute."

"Sarah is out the hammock, she needs to talk whenever you're ready." In a matter of seconds, the curly haired boy rushed out of the house, still pulling a shirt over him. Everyone chuckled.

Ava went to the bathroom for a quick shower and to change in some comfy clothes.

Apparently JJ went home to grab some stuff, so it was just Kie and Pope sitting on opposite couches, talking about some deep topic. "What do you think the most important thing is in a relationship, Ava?" Pope looked at girl.

Kie lunged to wack the poor guy with a pillow. "Way to catch her off guard Pope. Oh my god." She laughed "Pope said it's trust, I say it's quality time."

"It's probably different for everybody." Ava spoke up softly. "I think it's communication and understanding. It's very important to not only know your partner's boundaries, but really understand them."

"Kind of like the love languages"

"Sort of." Ava hummed, grabbing water.

Pope sat confused. "I'm not following."

Kie looked to the other girl trying to find words. "For me, I don't like physical touch. I'm okay with hands and sometimes shoulder. But my head and hugs are a no. It's different for everyone and it might change."

Kie had a soft smile. "We've noticed. You know you could've told us though. I'm sorry if we ever crossed any boundaries."

"You guys are good. We never talked about it."

"Still."

"Does that make sense, Pope?" Pope nodded.

"I think your right. I never really thought of it like that." They all sat in a reflective silence.

"You're a lot wiser than you look Ava. I respect that." Kie shifted to be more comfortable. "It's like you've been through everything and then some. You always know what to say."

"It's not too hard when you list-" Ava was cut off by the door busting open revealing the blonde headed boy followed by a concerned John B and Sarah.

"FUCK." He screamed out. Everyone could see blood dripping from his forehead and arm, small glass shards surround his wounds.

"JJ, what happened?" Kie was the first one up.

Furry laced in his features. "What do think Kie? Nothing that hasn't happened before!"

John B was next to speak. "We need to get you cleaned up buddy. Those look like they need medical attention."

"I'm fine." He tried pushing his friends off.

"We have to stitch them up." Pope called. "Ava do you know how?" Of course she did. Usually she only preformed it on herself, but she was willing to help her friends out.

She stuttered. "Uh, John B, I need fishing line, a needle or fish hook, and two shots of something strong. Preferable vodka or a bourbon." She walked over to everyone huddled around JJ.

His eyes glared at her, pure hatred seethed through his whole body and she felt it. Ava wanted more than anything to run away, back to her uncle's house on figure 8, but she couldn't just not help him.

Ava understood more than anyone the power of a father and the damage it had both mentally and physically.

"I don't need help from her. I never needed anyone helps. I especially don't need her."

Ava fought back emotions. Why did he hate her? She felt so confused. They were fine, until they weren't, but she never had an explanation.

"JJ, just let her help."

"Why is she always here? What happened to us? We have each other." Sarah and Kie rolled their eyes at his antics. Ava saw the pain in his eyes. She could see it wasn't hate for her directly, the boy was loyal to his friends and someone knew threatened the friendship they once had. JJ was scared to lose his friends.

"JJ, just let me help you and I'll leave, okay?" It was one of the few things Ava said during this argument.

"Promise?"

"Cross my heart." He nodded.

JJ would never admit this to anyone, but he loved when his friends helped him. It made him feel safe. But Ava, there was a hint of fear. He didn't know her and didn't care to.

Ava lead the boy into some light and began cleaning his forehead. Her touch was gentle, but she held a face of stone.

JJ sensed he hurt her and only felt a little bad. Just because she was nice does change the fact that her presence nerved him. If she dared to even think about hurting his friends, he wouldn't hesitate to show her a friendly cut brawl. No one messes with his family.

John B rushes in with what she asked for and then gave them their space. Ava grabbed the two shot glasses and handed one to JJ.   "To clean it?" JJ asked.

"To help with the pain. Bottoms up." She tapped her glass on the table and downed it along with JJ.

"Your not in pain, why do you need one."

"I don't like the sight of other people's blood."

"But you like the sight of your own?"

"I've seen enough of my own. I can manage when it's my pain on the line." JJ rolled his eyes.

"Skinned knees aren't the same honey." She scoffed at his condescending tone.

"Can you stop scowling at me? I need you to relax your face." She held the needle and fishing line in one hand. "Here, lie down and let me tell you a little story." He did as he was told.

The girl steadied her shaking hand. "Along time ago, there was a king. His name was Uther Pendragon. His firstborn, Arthur was their heir to the throne." She wielded the needle delicately back and forth. "A powerful sorcerer at the time believed it would be better for the prince to be raised somewhere else where no one knew his real identity."

JJ looked up at her. One of the first times he's even attempted to make eye contact. "The sorcerer was Merlin, right." Ava nodded. "My mom used to tell me this story."

"Would you want me to tell you a different one?" Ava's voice was soft.

"It's been too long, I forgot how it ends."

She smiled and continued. "Once Uther died, there was a bunch of conflict and unrest over who would be the next king. So Merlin used his magic to put a sword in stone. Written on the stone was a message along the lines of 'Whoever can pull this sword from the rock, will be the next king.' Many tried and failed.

"By chance, Arthur claimed the sword from the rock and was crowned king." She brushed some strands of hair back and cleaned the last bit of blood.

"All done." JJ sat up and looked at her once again. He felt as if his feelings betraying his mind. Ava was a threat, but she was continuously kind, always helping, never spoke too much, and brought peace. He hated her for being everything he wasn't. She was whole and perfect, there was nothing wrong with her and everyone loved her easy going personality.

"How does it end?"

Ava leaned on the counter, back facing him. "Unfortunately, as peace settled over the country things turned sour within the court of Camelot and civil war broke out. In the final battle at Camlan both Arthur and Mordred, Arthur's traitorous nephew, were mortally wounded. Arthur was set upon a boat and floated down river to the isle of Avalon. Here his wounds were treated by three mysterious maidens. His body was never found and many say that he rests under a hill with all his knights - ready to ride forth and save the country again."

"I don't think I ever knew that." A calmness was present in his voice.

"Well now you do." JJ hopped off and went to the other room while Ava cleaned the area around them and the supplies they used. It was very quite.

She walked into the room where everyone was sitting. "Well I am going to head out."

"Please stay, the night is just getting started." Sarah spoke, followed by John B.

"We're just about to order pizza."

Ava glanced at them. "There's nothing like my aunts cooking, plus I have to study anyways." And she never breaks a promise.

"See you at school tomorrow then." With that she headed back to the house.

Part of her felt relieved that her and JJ ended on a better note, but the other half felt conflicted.  It brought up some unwanted memories of her father and life back in Huntington. This was gonna be a long night. The first time in a few weeks.

[cakesunflower]

a court of golden shadows: elain archeron and azriel endgame

so this is like an 11 page paper i wrote on why i think Elain Archeron and Azriel from Sarah J. Maas’s A Court of Thorns and Roses are endgame. i made a joke on twitter that i’d write a proper MLA format styled paper on them because i love them so much and a bunch of my moots convinced me to do it so here i am.

this is for the Elriel lovers like myself. if you read it, which you don’t have to, please refrain from commenting anything negative. everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and this whole essay is just my opinion on it. so if you read, i hope you enjoy!!

keep in mind, it’s LONG.

         A Court of Golden Shadows: Elain Archeron and Azriel Endgame

Sarah J. Maas’s fantasy series A Court of Thorns and Roses displays epic, world-shattering love stories among the thrilling action and fantastical elements present throughout the novels, as seen in the romance between Feyre Archeron and Rhysand and, most recently, Nesta Archeron and Cassian. Two sisters have already accepted and embraced the (so-called) rare mating bond with their respective counterparts, yet the question remains on what is to happen with the middle sister, Elain Archeron, who apparently has a mating bond of her own with Lucien Vanserra, but has not, for two books and a novella, made any indication of accepting it. However, Elain, in her quiet, gentle way, has shown to be more attentive towards the Night Court’s resident Shadowsinger and Spymaster, Azriel. Who, in turn, has notably started to move on from a five-century long love harbored for another female and gravitating towards the last remaining Archeron sister.

It can be said that the concept of the three Archeron sisters all ending up with the three Illyrian males is a cliché, but if done right, they can capture the reader in their grasp—one that no one would want to get out of. Taking a look at the novels, particularly starting from the second book, A Court of Mist and Fury, since this is where Azriel’s character is introduced, it is difficult to ignore the fact that Maas has been laying the groundwork for Elain and Azriel—or Elriel, as I will refer to them throughout this paper—to be a couple from the moment they met, whether these hints are subtle or obvious. In chapter 24 of ACOMAF where Feyre, the Illyrian faes, and her sisters have dinner together, we see tentative interactions between Elain and Azriel, despite the two of them having just met and Elain, as a mortal who grew up with stories of the terrors of faeries, seems to look towards the spymaster more. The first glimpse of their interaction, no matter how small, is shown on pages 253-254 when “a faint smile bloomed upon Azriel’s mouth as he noticed Elain’s fingers white-knuckled on that fork”. Though this moment can be overlooked, it is only the first of many oncoming moments of Azriel noticing Elain and her actions, a subtle hint of the spymaster’s attention towards Elain. The focus of attention is returned when Elain then turns to Azriel a few pages later, wanting to know more about their ability to fly, even so far as going to say “That’s very beautiful” when Azriel describes Illyrians as being “born hearing the song of the wind” (256-257). Additionally, there are two moments in this particular chapter where Elain, in some semblance, looks towards Azriel as a way of relaxing herself. The first is noted when Azriel’s attention is said to be on Elain, and he offers her a “polite, bland smile”, and Feyre notices how Elain’s “shoulders loosened a bit” in response to it (256). Rather than looking towards Feyre for indicators during an unexpected dinner with faeries, Elain seems to be more drawn to looking at Azriel, which is shown once again in the following passage: “Rhys chuckled, Cassian’s wrath slipping enough that he grinned, and Elain, noticing Azriel’s ease as proof that things weren’t indeed about to go badly, offered one of her own as well” (258). Elain tends to check everyone’s reactions to the circumstances to determine the levels of tension in the atmosphere, but she truly seems to be put at ease when she notices Azriel’s own relaxed state, once again indicating the attention she pays to him from the moment they met.

The first three books in Maas’s series are told through Feyre’s perspective, so it can be said that our perception of and desire for Elain and Azriel getting together is skewed because of the point of view we are given. I, however, consider this to be a moot point because Feyre’s character is the type to notice everything around her. She comes to grow close to both Azriel and Cassian, and with Elain being her sister, the reader can depend on Feyre as being as much of a reliable narrator to tell us exactly what she sees and how she sees it. With this in mind, some of the examples given will be from Feyre’s own musings, but it is important to note that she, more than once, groups Elain and Azriel together. This is shown when, in chapter 49, Feyre is distracting Rhysand as she tries to take care of his wounds and muses about her sisters visiting Velaris. There, Feyre mentions to Rhysand, “I think Elain—Elain would like it, too. Though she’d probably cling to Azriel, just to have some peace and quiet”, before proceeding to think to herself—and the reader, “I smiled at the thought—at how handsome they would be together” (487). Of course, this observation is followed by the acknowledgement of Azriel quietly loving Mor, as he has for centuries, yet what we don’t know, during this, that this wouldn’t remain an issue for long.

Moving on to focus on the third installment of the series, A Court of Wings and Ruin, there is a solemnity surrounding Elain, who, at the end of the second novel, was forcefully turned into fae against her will. After the transformation, Elain has become a shell of who she used to be, trapped in a state of deep mourning of the humanity she lost, of the love of her fiancé she inevitably lost, too. She doesn’t eat nor does she speak to anyone, an empty yet no less beautiful version of herself as her Cauldron given powers, unbeknownst to everyone else, manifest. But even in her state, in her indifference towards her mate Lucien and yearning for her human fiancé Graysen, Elain managed to acknowledge Azriel. He is gentle with her, much like everyone else, as he carries her into the townhouse, smiles, inquires if she’d like for him to show her the garden. And although he stands tall, intimidating in his fighting leathers and large wings, Elain does not recoil from him in fear or shyness. Instead, she takes the arm he offers her and, although it is unsure if she is looking at his Siphon or his scarred hands, she still utters “Beautiful” in response to him (254). Even when life has unexpectedly turned bleak for Elain, even when the world loses its color in the aftermath of the trauma she suffered, in that moment, there was a glimpse of who she used to be as she found beauty in nothing but Azriel.

This same chapter is followed by an insightful conversation between Feyre and Rhysand, triggered by Feyre watching her sister and Azriel. Feyre notes how at odds Azriel looks sitting in the garden next to Elain in his armor, yet she still questions, “Why not make them mates?” (257). This spurs a significant conversation between the High Lord and High Lady, where readers are given some more history on mating bonds and introduced to the prevailing concept of rejected bonds. Rhys provides examples of ill-chosen bonds, such as his parents, who were mates yet their relationship was not ideal in the least. Here, we are told that sometimes fate, the Mother, whatever chooses two mates can be wrong in its pairings, and it is rare for the bond to bring together “true, paired souls” (258) like Feyre and Rhysand. It has been established that the female can reject the bond, and while the male may feel the tug of it, it’s their burden to push through it. Maas spends an entire page or so talking about the concept of ill-chosen or rejected bonds, so it would be naive to look over these details if they weren’t placed in the storyline for a reason. Elain and Lucien may be mates, and Azriel (at least currently within the book) may be in love with Mor, but the idea of free will is not something to be so easily dismissed. Elain already had the choice of her humanity, her mortality, ripped away from her—it’s doubtful she would let this pattern continue.

In chapter 24 of A Court of Wings and Ruin, when Elain is having her first conversation with Lucien, she states, “No one ever looked—not really” (252), and although here she is referencing Graysen, this statement comes around a few chapters later. In chapter 27, Elain walks in on a conversation amongst the Inner Circle, and Azriel was the first to step forward as he noticed something amiss. His observations and questions when he says to her, “[But] you heard something else” and “What did you see” indicate that he, unlike Feyre and Nesta, believes that Elain’s riddled musings have a deeper meaning and need to be heard. The scene ends with Feyre looking to Azriel, noticing that his “hazel eyes churned as he studied my sister, her too-thin body. And without a word, he winnowed away” (287). Azriel didn’t brush off what Elain said, because while her sisters thought Elain had gone mad, Azriel listened to her—he looked. He looked past her “too-thin body” and read between the lines of what she said, and knew there was more than what meets the eye. He looked, which was exactly what Elain had wanted.

This is repeated in chapter 32, when Elain brings up another queen and no one is quite sure what she’s talking about, except for Azriel, who steps forward and gently prods Elain to elaborate. Even Lucien watches Elain warily, questioning if they need to help her, yet Azriel is firm in his assessment that Elain doesn’t need help, that they need to be the ones who need to listen, before ultimately determining that she does, in fact, have powers and is established to be a seer. So while Lucien “stared and stared at [Elain], as if he’d never seen her before”, it was Azriel who actually looked at her and saw what no one else was seeing, whose acknowledgment of her gift and the attention he brought to it from everyone else “freed her from whatever murky realm she’d been in” (336).

The idea of Azriel truly looking at Elain transitions into him looking for her, too. But first, another example of the former is seen in chapter 63, when Feyre, Nesta, and Amren hear the call of the cauldron in the middle of the night. They wonder about it, question why they three heard it because they were Made, not noticing that another who was Made was missing from their group. That is, until, Azriel asks, “What about Elain?” (560), and he is moving alongside the sisters to inspect Elain’s tent, only to find her missing. Azriel notices Elain—whether she is present or not. And so the concept of Azriel looking for Elain is introduced when they are discussing Elain’s rescue from Hybern in the following scene:

“From the shadows near the entrance to the tent, Azriel said, as if in answer to some unspoken debate, “I’m getting her back.”

Nesta slid her gaze to the shadowsinger. Azriel’s hazel eyes glowed golden in the shadows.

Nesta said, “Then you will die.”

Azriel only repeated, rage glazing that stare, “I’m getting her back.”” (563).

There was no hesitation on Azriel’s part in being the one to get Elain back, but there was obvious rage, as noted, in his gaze at the very idea of Elain having been kidnapped. A silent, lethal aura surrounds the shadowsinger that can be so clearly picked out within that scene, showcasing Azriel’s unwavering determination in returning Elain, even if it meant slipping into the heart of enemy camps—especially if it meant that. And throughout the dangers and urgency of this particular mission, when they do reach Elain, Azriel takes a moment to be tender towards her as he “gently removed the gag from her mouth” (573) and asks if she’s hurt. Elain, in turn, is shown to be “devouring the sight of him, as if not quite believing it” before she says “You came for me” (573). Elain looks at Azriel in wonder and disbelief, and this reaction hints towards how she feels drawn towards him. In their very first meeting during the dinner in the Archeron house, Elain looks to Azriel for reassurance, for judgement of the situation, and in the event of her rescue, she finds that same kind of comfort on a far more intense level. Because here, he truly is her rescuer, appearing in front of her to save her from the dangerous hands of their enemies and bring her to safety. And Azriel, in this sense, is devoted to her, holding up his fierce promising of getting her back. Even when he was injured, Azriel held onto Elain, refusing to let her go even while getting shot at and chased, and when they landed in their own camps, the first thing he claimed was for someone to get the chains off of her, rather than even mentioning his own injuries. This just reminds us of ACOMAF when Elain was being dragged to the cauldron and Azriel wasn’t even conscious to witness it—there is no doubt that if he was awake—and uninjured—he would’ve done all he could to save her. Maas robbed us of that type of scene.

Furthermore, evolving from the concept of Azriel rescuing Elain, we get another significant scene between the two of them that displays the kind of trust these two characters smoothly and effortlessly developed. On top of Elain accepting Azriel’s offers of taking her to the garden, a silent indicator that his company was one she enjoyed, Azriel shows a great act of trust to Elain as well when, in chapter 69, he offered her the use of his beloved knife, Truth-Teller. This blade is Azriel’s most prized possession, and to offer it to Elain to bring her the same kind of comfort and safety that we have seen she finds in Azriel himself portrays the trust he has in her—and his desire to protect her. This is emphasized when Rhys tells Feyre, “Never. . . I have never once seen Azriel let another person touch that knife” (610). Even Cassian was stunned that Azriel would let someone else use Truth-Teller, which is significant to note given that he has not let even Cassian nor Rhys—his brothers he has known for centuries—even touch it. And Elain, who had refused to take the knife Cassian had offered her, ends up accepting Truth-Teller—because it’s Azriel’s, and because through the short time she’s known him, he is someone she has poured her trust into and understands he wouldn’t lead her astray. And he didn’t, for it was Elain who “stepped out of a shadow” (653) and used that very same blade to kill the King of Hybern. A temporary gift, given from Azriel, that she used to put an end to one of the greatest threats to both the human and faerie realms.

In the post-war novella A Court of Frost and Starlight, Maas furthers the Elriel endgame agenda by continuing both subtle and blatant hints in their favor—and not just through actual interactions between the two. The concept of Azriel avoiding Lucien because of his mating bond with Elain is important to remember, for it will come back around later. But in this novella, we see it when Rhysand asks Azriel if he keeps an eye on Lucien, given that he is the spymaster. Azriel, in turn, informs him that he does not track his movements, because “He is Elain’s mate” and “It would be an invasion of her privacy to track him”, which Rhysand, since this is shown from his perspective, notes is because Azriel does not want to be aware of if and when Lucien seeks out Elain, and what they do together—if they do anything at all, given Elain’s tendencies to utterly ignore Lucien (70). Rhysand questions Azriel’s motives on this, but doesn’t get a response, but there is an understanding of Azriel’s intentions behind it. Not only does he want to remain ignorant of the forced bond between Elain and Lucien, but a big motivator for him is also Elain’s privacy, which he doesn’t want to intrude on—ironic, given that he is a spy, and it’s his job to know of others’ movements and thoughts.

Another example of Azriel very subtly showing his blossoming feelings towards Elain is when he unforgivingly states that if Lucien were to kill Elain’s ex-fiancé, then “good riddance” (71). He was well aware of how Graysen treated Elain after finding out she was fae, is the one who sits with her in the gardens because he is a comforting presence for her in the face of mourning, so he understands her. This idea is repeated in Azriel’s bonus chapter in A Court of Silver Flames, when Rhysand catches Azriel almost about to kiss Elain—that is definitely to be unpacked later—and warns him that Lucien has the right to invoke a Blood Duel to defend the mating bond, and Azriel does not hesitate, is confident, when he retorts that he would easily defeat Lucien, would have no problem in pulling Elain out of a bond she doesn’t even want.

The novella also includes some more obvious, sweet moments between Elain and Azriel, ones that show Elain’s own growing interest and feelings towards Azriel. Like in chapter 12, when Feyre notes that when Azriel enters the room, she feels Elain freeze at the sight of him, and then Elain proceeds to be almost in a trance when Azriel, after she greets him, moves towards her and takes the heavy dish of potatoes from her hands and says he’ll take care of it for her (105). This scene then continues when Elain hurries off to make herself more presentable, and rather than letting others dive into the food, Azriel stops Cassian from putting food on his plate and all but commands him to “wait until everyone is seated before eating” (106). Rhysand informs Feyre that this sudden reaction from Azriel stemmed from the treatment his mother received as a near servant, but it can also be tied to how Azriel keeps aware of Elain and the recurring theme of looking after her in any way. He notices her, just as she notices him, a subtle way of this being present in Elain’s solstice gift to Azriel. She doesn’t get a gift for Lucien, her mate, but does get one for Azriel, one that makes him laugh in a way that, Feyre notes, she’s never heard before. A genuine sort of joy breaking the cold, indifferent mask of the shadowsinger as he accepts and cherishes the gift Elain gave him—the extent of which we see in his bonus chapter, where it is revealed that he looks at the small vial every night before going to sleep, a not-so-subtle showing that Elain is the last thought on his mind before he descends into slumber.

This notion of the two of them looking after one another in their own ways is again repeated in A Court of Silver Flames in the following passage on page 221:

Azriel smirked. “You and Nesta are wanted down there.”

“Because of the shit with Elain?”

Azriel stilled. “What happened to Elain?”

Cassian waved a hand. “A fight with Nesta. Don’t bring it up,” he warned when Azriel’s eyes darkened.

Throughout the friendship they have formed, Azriel becomes a kind of protector of Elain’s, deriving from her being a part of their Inner Circle as well as the notion of Azriel’s own personal feelings for her. He is so obviously shown as going on the defense at the news of Elain getting into any kind of fight, of Elain potentially being hurt. It’s repeated on page 233 when Elain and Nesta are arguing, and after Nesta utters a nasty comment that lands on Elain like a blow, there is an acknowledgement of the “shadows gathered in the corners of the room, like snakes preparing to strike”. The shadows, of course, are Azriel’s, ready to jump between the sisters and defend Elain from Nesta’s verbal attack, to once again be her protector.

Of course, we can’t forget that Elain has a mate in Lucien, and how it seems to offer the enticing forbidden love trope between her and Azriel. We see a hint of it in A Court of Wings and Ruin, when in chapter 24, Lucien can scent where Elain had gone off to and who she’d gone with, in this case having it be Azriel, and he’d nearly snarled until Rhysand assured him that Azriel wasn’t the “ravishing type” (254)—although I think we can all agree that he most likely is, but wouldn’t even dream of it in terms of the state Elain was in at the time. Maybe it is the mating bond or maybe it’s both Elain and Azriel’s quiet personalities—or perhaps a combination of the two—but the shyness that has them looking at each other and then looking away continues. On page 467 of A Court of Silver Flames, Cassian notes how Elain nods shyly towards Azriel, who in turn offers her a small smile that she quickly looked away from, prompting Cassian to be puzzled as he wondered, “Lucien was certainly not here to snarl at any male who looked at her for too long”. Elain doesn’t look away from Azriel because of the bond, but perhaps because she is well aware of her feelings for him and, for the moment, is too shy for them to be known, especially by Azriel.

The mating bond between Elain and Lucien does serve as a barrier between her and Azriel, though. This is particularly present during the Winter Solstice, when a layer of Azriel’s character specifically has been peeled back to show his feelings for Elain. Like on page 597, when Elain is laughing at Nesta, the older Archeron sister notes that “Azriel stood in the doorway, monitoring them. As if he’d heard Elain’s sharp laugh and wondered what had caused it”. And if that wasn’t enough, Nesta watches as Azriel’s “gaze shifted to Elain, and though it was utterly neutral, something charged went through it. Between them. Elain’s breath caught slightly, and she gave him a shallow nod of greeting”. This is perhaps the most prominent moment of both of their feelings being reciprocated by the other, because Nesta notices the way they look at one another, as if they both see past the person they put in front of everyone else and truly see the other. And even Nesta understands that there is something deeper between the two, even if they themselves haven’t figured it out yet, when she approaches Azriel where he stands by the doorway and, when asked why he doesn’t sit, responds with a “pretty lie” of his shadows not liking the fire. But Nesta looks to where Elain is the one sitting by the fire, and why Azriel chooses to stand as far as he can, because it is “his secret to tell. Never hers” (600). Just like that, Nesta is aware of Azriel’s feelings for her sister and, perhaps, her subtle way of comforting him was her showing her approval.

We get a deeper insight of this scene in Azriel’s bonus chapter—an entire chapter that allows readers to see exactly how he feels about Elain, and that she returns those feelings, too. It is confirmed that Azriel stands by the doorway, away from Elain, because Lucien is in the same room, and the sight and scent of their mating bond is one that Azriel cannot stand. Because the female he feels deeply for, according to fate, “belongs” to another male and he needs to put distance between himself and the two of them when they’re in the same room. Yet, the mating bond doesn’t prevent Azriel from thinking of Elain, from fantasizing about her every night. He goes from being shown as relieved when Rhys tells him he doesn’t have to buy the sisters presents for the Winter Solstice in A Court of Frost and Starlight, to actively buying her a beautiful flower necklace that she would no doubt love. Their secret exchanging of gifts leads to an epic, steamy, full-of-yearning almost first kiss that shows so clearly that Azriel’s feelings for Elain aren’t unrequited, that she, just like him, is desperate to give into what’s been brewing between them for so long. Yet it’s all cut short when Rhys interrupts Azriel, reminding him of a mating bond that Azriel’s painfully aware of—and confidently willing to pull Elain away from if Lucien decides to invoke the Blood Duel. Azriel’s questioning of the cauldron, wondering why it picked three sisters and had two of them end up with his brothers while the last remaining one was mated to another, is not him declaring that he has a right to Elain. This is him questioning the powers and forces that no one truly understands, this is him questioning from a place of heartbreak, wondering why, yet again, he was the one left behind. It happened when his father imprisoned him, forcing Azriel to delay in his training as an Illyrian, it happened when the female he spent centuries loving never once returned the same kind of love, and now it’s happening again. Azriel does not believe he deserves Elain—it goes against his character, because he is self-deprecating, does not think he truly deserves anything good and worthy. He is simply questioning why his choice doesn’t ever seem to matter, and why Elain is yet again left having her decisions being taken away from her.

Because the matter of choice is a prevalent, significant theme for the two of them. For Elain, she was never allowed to truly make a choice in her life. Her mother’s death, her family falling into poverty, turning into High Fae, losing Graysen, the mating bond, her father’s death—these were all huge, significant life changing moments that she had no say in and was forced to endure, completely upending who she was and how she lived. But there is one choice Elain can make, and that is to reject the mating bond with Lucien. There are so many examples throughout the books where Elain turns away from Lucien; she doesn’t express any interest in him—it’s like he doesn’t even exist to her. There is utter indifference on her end, despite any effort made by Lucien, and that in itself is Elain choosing to all but formally reject the bond, however that may come about. There is a moment in A Court of Wings and Ruin in chapter 54 when Elain, while pleading with Graysen, claims, “I belong to no one. My heart belongs to you” (498). Of course, Azriel has nothing to do with what Elain was saying at the time, but her declaration of this speaks to her character and how dearly she holds onto the idea of being with someone of her own choosing, with someone she loves. This can further be developed into the idea that although fate, the cauldron, the Mother may have chosen Lucien for Elain—a pairing that can, ultimately, be ill-chosen—Elain would not give it the time of day unless it’s what her heart wants. And from what we have seen so far, her heart wants Azriel. She chooses Azriel over Lucien, and that holds significant weight to her and, I imagine eventually, to Azriel as well.

Azriel, who has not been other people’s choice. Azriel, who was imprisoned by his own father, who was rejected by the Illyrians. Azriel, who has spent five centuries loving Mor, who will never love him the way he did her. And it’s saying something, isn’t it, that he has finally stopped yearning for her, and that it was Elain who he is enraptured by? Even Cassian noted that the way Azriel used to look at Mor have become few and far in between, telling the audience that the spymaster has finally begun to move on, or already has, from Mor. And Elain wanting to kiss Azriel confirms to him, in particular, that he is her choice as well. And she is his, as further confirmed when Azriel tells Rhys he has no problem engaging in the Blood Duel with Lucien if it means freeing Elain from a bond she doesn’t want, and allowing them both to dive into the choices they clearly want to make.

Truthfully, there are many examples throughout the books where I can talk about Elain rejecting Lucien. She cringed away from the very first time he touches her in ACOMAF—though, granted, it happens right after she comes out of the cauldron. She is unsettled when Lucien tugs on their bond, saying that it felt as though he pulled on a thread connecting to a rib, which sounds painful and nothing like the comforting bond readers have seen between Feyre and Rhys. Elain doesn’t buy Lucien any presents for solstice, and the first present he got her, gardening gloves to prevent her hands from tearing, are ones she doesn’t use. Because she would much rather feel her hands get torn up while she’s working in her garden, uncaring if they scar, which in turn is a reminder of Azriel’s scarred hands and how she found them beautiful. And for those who wonder about Azriel giving the necklace he got for Elain to Gwyn, it is important to note that he tells Clotho to give it to any priestess who would want it, and merely mentions Gwyn by name because he trained her, because he was the one who rescued her after an attack, and she is the one he knows most familiarly by name because of it. At the end of it, Azriel only wanted the necklace gone because he didn’t want to see it, didn’t want to remember that the female he wants, wants him back just as much, but he was all but forbidden to pursue her. Once again, a choice that was taken away from him, and giving the necklace away is far easier than keeping it and remembering how he couldn’t be with Elain. At least for now.

Throughout the novels, there are many symbols that hint towards Elain and Azriel being together, but that is a paper for another day. This one’s goal was to simply point out the many physical and emotional indicators of the way the two of them are drawn to one another, despite the obstacles that are thrown their way—the biggest one being the mating bond no one asked for. There is comfort in the relationship they have, an ease you wouldn’t expect someone with Elain’s light to find in Azriel’s darkness. He offers her comfort in shy smiles and soft looks, and Elain does the same for him, which we see in the act of his shadows disappearing around her. These very shadows provided him comfort when he needed them, were his friends in his prison, and them leaving him when Elain is around is a sign of the contentment Azriel feels, because he doesn’t have to protect himself in her presence. Azriel loved Mor, and it has been noted that he lights up when she is around, and Elain is the only other person he reacts similarly to—because Elain is who he wants now that he has moved on from Mor. It’s important, isn’t it, that Elain is who pulls Azriel away from the centuries-long love he’d been lost in? That she is who he looks for, thinks about, wonders after?

Elain has found comfort in Azriel’s darkness, and he has found peace in her light, and so how could they not defy what’s been expected of them and rewrite fate to fit the choices they make themselves?

[saturnsstufff]

The Empress- Darker the Weather // Better the Man

Warnings: topics from the empress, Violence

Sarah laid on the makeshift cot. Lately with how everything had been pulled out, the war seemed like it had no end. Her eyes danced dully well her fingers fiddled with the locket from her lovers. Tears easily welled her eyes at the thought of them waiting for her.

Distant, everything is scattered

She missed them, she missed them more than she thought she truly would. The way their fingers danced warmly around her locks. Or how mornings were spent wrapped up tightly within her wives arms, the cold artic air contrasting to the warm blankets. She just missed the softness of the lingering moments.

When your mind is shattered and torn apart

She knew the war wouldn't last forever, yet with every passing day, it seemed the ending was fading. Sarah knew she shouldn't be mad at Technoblade or (y/n), but she couldn't help it.

Maybe it started with (y/n), the way she clinged and lulled the grand emperor into a false sense of pride. She easily Loathed that. Everyone within the empire assumed the Emperor was in control, but Sarah- being the general, knew exactly who had the power.

In an instant, I can be indifferent

But could she really bring herself to hate her? After all she was pregnant with the Emperor's baby as of currently.

She knew she shouldn't, yet it was so easy...

When she walked into the tent to see the Grand Emperor packing his things- it left her seething. He was going to leave them- leave his troops- his people- people who gave so much in hopes to end the conflict quickly. Technoblade should have known others were missing important family events, yet here they stood, proudly serving under his name.

The blame is always shifted from the start

And it was all because She, called- begged, him to come home.

She couldn't linger about any longer, she needed to distract herself. So grabbing a cloak she left the base camp, although some of the men asked about where she was leaving too. Sarah simply wiped her eyes with pride and assured them of her return.

Leafless treetops in the snow

Views of death and bitter cold

The walk towards the nearby village was a bore. Due to the cold, barely any animals found home within the snow, anymore Sarah was starting to see the appeal of moving somewhere warmer.

Instead of visiting a bakery or a warm café, Sarah found herself wondering into a bar. Perusal, only the odd were within the warm walls. Brute men and sly women hogging up around the bar.

Without a step of hesitance she took her seat at the bar, the two brooding men beside her looked as if they should have scared her off. Yet when they tried to comment on Sarah's seat she simply sent a cold glare. Towards them, a wordless death threat of silence.

When the men backed off, they ultimately decided to move seats completely. In turn a younger gentleman took their seats.

Sarah didn't acknowledge him, something seemed off about it, yet she couldn't place her finger quite on it. The man took a glance to her, his fluffier Blonde hair radiating a familiar tone.

"You seemed troubled..." the man purred, sending Sarah into a eyeroll. Typical men. She thought, knowing exactly where this was leading.

"Don't think like that." The man said, his green eyes flashing slightly as a warning. "I'm only here to hear out a strangers problem... I'm hear to help." He mused.

Although Sarah was offset and held the high urge to not tell a thing to this man. Something told her it was worth it. She needed to get it off her chest.

So she did.

And through that, she felt her nerves lessen. With layer, and layer dropped about Technoblade, his wife, his family, everything. She felt a silver lining.

Something that should have stuck out to her however, was when she went on about Technoblade, the Man seemed to just know everything about him. Even things she didn't know- things that seemed future related. It was odd.

Yet here she found herself, drink in hand, explaining her problems to a lost man at a bar. Through the end of her rant, the only thing he had to say was "Men are hard, but im sure you've herd it before..." at the line she shrugged and looked to her glass.

The swirling bourbon within held her reflection, but something eerier about it, was when she glanced to the man inside the glass. The reflection, although looking exactly like the man beside her, when looking closer she saw halo's crossing over his face, Golden beams of bended light.

When she looked back to the man, he was looking at her unamused. "You know, there is a saying out there, that you may find, useful..." the man said.

You can take all you want, but not who I am

"What is the saying..." Sarah asked cautiously, now alarmed from the mans reflection. She watched the man take a drink before smiling- almost sinisterly.

"The Darker the Weather, the Better the Man" he said. Sarah gave a odd look to him, not understanding, but it didn't take long for the man to elaborate. "Say something hardens the man your talking about. Something that will truly drive him cold. He may turn out better than you expected. After all, weaklings rarely survive war." The man said casually.

The line rang around inside Sarah's mind, what could make techno so cold, that he refused to go home. The man watched her, trying his best to hide the wicked smile he held.

But the darker the weather, the better the man

And then it hit her. Almost like sheer brilliance, it hit her dead on.

You can take all you want, but not who I am

The letters to you.

You can't have my-

When Wilbur was tasked with waking you up, it was easy to say he was always overjoyed. With techno being absent from your side, Wil always tried his best to make you smile. Sometimes even Tommy would tag along.

Of course, Tommy didn't understand the severity of the moment how heartbroken and lost you felt, but he could easily tell you were sad at the least. So he also tried to cheer you up.

Sun shines through an open window

So on days he woke you, he would often run into Technoblade room, your silhouette laying within the oversized bed. He often viewed it as misplaced for how lonely your body looked.

But that didn't ever stop him from pulling the curtains open, the light rarely shined brightly through the glass, but in the end it did allow more light within. Well Wilbur pulled the curtains, tommy would often bounce on your bed, doing his best to make you smile.

Close the curtains real slow to hide the light

Although you would hide your face and try to hide, tommy wouldn't stop his smiling and joyful laugh. Yet Wilbur would always watch how your eyes would linger to techno's side of the bed. Wilbur hadn't seen the letters between you and techno, but he always saw how they tore you up. Whatever he was saying was hurting you, and Wilbur despised it.

But in time, maybe I can change it

At the least Wilbur was thankful you had Orion beside you, he was able to calm most of your haywire nerves. Of course, Wilbur never liked how close he was to you. But, he understood it was a time where you just needed someone.

We'll find someone who feels the same as me

Wilbur saw how you tried to hide your pain, your long nights spent crying, the days you refused to eat, the way you refused to acknowledge techno's lost presence. It was obvious who you were not on good terms.

Wilbur couldn't help his curiosity, he knew it was wrong, yet he did it anyway. When you had left your office for bed Wilbur snuck in, it was the first time he was in Technoblade office alone. The sword you made held high on the wall, truthfully it was poetic.

On a plaque underneath it, was lettering inscribed "the Empress" like the embodied empress, the sword similarly hung alone. With care he slid into your chair, slowly pulling the letters out to read.

You broke me down and stole my soul

And oh was his pissed. For good reason, he saw why everyone was so upset with him.

Left me vacant and all alone

Out of everyone, Orion was the one to see you at your worst. Never had he assumed he would have been so close to someone that he would have gave everything to take your pain away. It left his blood boiling to see you hurt the way you were.

Months of being alone, feeling lost, unloved, unwelcomed. It truly left him with a burning hate. Orion knew he could treat you so much better, that he could take care and provide for you and your infant child.

Over the time techno was gone, he felt he was the only commander to truly hate his leader. Hate what he puts others through, he hated the sorrow he brought along.

But the darker the weather, the better the man

But nothing compared to the pure rage Orion felt when he herd what techno did to you. When you all rested at Foolish's summer home, you didn't lay with techno right off the bat, instead you explained what happened between techno and you.

And Orion was livid.

Techno had put his hands on you- had put his hands on your throat. Orion felt every bone in his body scream to get even. No one raises a hand to those they love, it was just a unspoken law. Orion would have taken to Technoblade as well, only thing holding him back was your tender soft words.

"Please don't- please Orion... let it stay between us..." you begged to him. Soft doe eyes pleading to the Enderian.

You can take all you want, but not who I am

Although it gnawed at Orion’s heart, he respected your call and left it lie. But that didn't stop what fallowed.

With the Enderian's blood flowing strong with rage, emotion, and the urge to defend, he couldn't help the way his eyes slit with the dragons hue, the blood curdling purple that drove fear into those around him.

You were far down the hall, everyone was asleep, it was a perfect time to let everything go.

You can't have my

And go he did..

He had never felt it, even though his blood ran with the Enderian's, he had never felt his anger hit the point of breaking.

The point that others forewarned him about. The point where his jaw would dislocate and his skin would tear open to allow the canines of a monster to show.

It wasn't a side he thought he had.

You can't have my

Yet when the thought laced through his mind again. The thought of techno putting his hands on you, he felt the pop, and the blinding rage that fallowed. Throwing the nearest object as he let the curdling scream out.

You can't have my soul

When techno undressed for the night, he couldn't explain the shame and hurt that he felt. He couldn't meet his own gaze within the mirror. He knew you were willing to bathe with him again. Lay for the night and try and wish it to be what it once was.

But he knew he Hurt you. He knew it wasn't his direct doing, but he was involved- he took it too far.

He could still see the nail marks from where you grabbed his face, he hoped it wasn't the same for your neck.

He didn't deserve you.

He knew it. The way he lashed and you too willing asked him to bathe with you like it was over. You taking his hands, his face his body into your hands, you were truly too wonderful. To amazing for him.

But the darker the weather, the better the man

When you stepped into the bathroom he saw your tired eyes, your arms firmly around Thena. He saw how attached you were to her. She was your world, she was the world techno wanted to live with.

Techno knew he had no right to ask to hold her, not after what he had done to his tiny family. Yet he couldn't help but want to feel you and her in his arms. He wanted to redeem himself and show you he was worthy enough to protect you both.

You can take all you want, but not who I am

After all he was still your husband and her father in the end, it was his job, his one thing he cannot mess up. He knew others were on the line. Others more important than a endless battalion, you were his wife, his life, the mother of his daughter.

You were his world.

But the darker the weather, the better the man

So from that day, he swore. Dare anyone lay a hand on his wife, and daughter. He would raise hell upon them.

He would never loose you too like he almost did.

You can take all you want, but not who I am

[leam1983]

On Alternative Lifestyles and Found Families

So, I spent part of this night getting probed by Walt's GP as to my sexual history. Officially, this wasn't quite it, of course - it's his GP wanting to make absolutely sure that Sarah and I are being safe - but all three of us feel scrutinized, honestly. It's borderline patronizing, if not the exact kind of homophobia I have the hardest time digesting.

See, I can handle bigots. You either provoke a non-response out of them or you let them be. Then there's people who aren't technically bigots, but who can't yet reason outside of the stigma they've grown up learning about. In Walt's GP's case, that stigma would be the perceived notion that gay and poly couples and throuples are, well, promiscuous.

So, I opened up. Walt clasped my hand, and I opened my bag about my hooking back up with a former lecturer and professor of mine from years ago, after graduation, and spending a little over a year in absolute fucking bliss. Prof was freshly out, I was out by a few years but didn't quite want to admit it to myself, and we were so gaga for one another that, well, other partners just wasn't something that came to mind. We knew one another's schedules and knew that with my age at the time and his own - and with Prof's later cancer diagnosis - shopping around just wasn't in our cards.

Walt, Sarah and I had already done this dance with Sarah's GP, who was notably more chill about us three. Her verdict amounted to Be honest, make this work and you won't have any reasons to worry. Just - don't stop wearing protection.

So far, so good. My GP, being on the private sector, wanted to log everything. She didn't suspect one of us to pull a string of flings and to carry a bug or two around, but she wanted us to avoid the very possibility. Again, this was out of the notion that either Walt or myself would act like what you saw in porn vids from the seventies and eighties, and mostly collect raunchy encounters with the ravenous energy of rabbits on PCP. I was quick to figure this out as being another shot at billing me for something.

Walt's? Well, I'm guessing graybeards get graybeard GPs. A little leaner than Walt, with thicker glasses and a shirt that was probably in style back when Walt had hair on top, and a palpable sense of, well, let's call it kindly disapproval.

Walt opens his own bag, and so does Sarah. We reassure the GP that we have been undergoing regular tests and will continue to do so out of respect for one another and for the sake of honesty. The old coot takes the other two docs' details and acts like we're the first sane polyamorous group he's met.

"I've seen things, you know," he notes. "Back in the Disco years, when saunas were popular in Montreal..."

I add a fake laugh. "I'm sure you did, sir. The thing is, this is 2022, and I love this man and this woman far too much to consider weighing them down with an STD. We love one another, and we've already been taking steps to ensure nothing goes awry."

He acts like I told him I'm from Mars. "I'm sorry for saying this, but gays weren't quite so responsible, in my time."

Walter saves face, picks up his overcoat and waves us out, knowing I would love nothing more than to coldcock his physician.

In the car, Sarah is outraged. "We're adults! We chose each other, I don't see the straights getting blackbagged by the Bedroom Gestapo! These cheating fucks pass on shit to their wives and girlfriends all the time!"

It's Walter's time to be reassuring, like I was after my eye exam. "The only thing that matters is our being accountable for each other. This little circus wasn't set up to appease a bunch of white coats, it was set up so we'd all get records to consult if anything happens. The tests give us a window of time, and if anything happens, we'll have an easier time figuring out Patient Zero among us three. It'll make it easier for all three of us to be honest, and it'll hopefully eliminate any and all fears we might have over what goes on in mine and Grem's bedroom, no matter if it's the three of us or just Sport and myself."

He briefly looks at Sarah as he drives. "Everyone else can take a hike, Sar. This is our mutual health insurance policy. Take it from me, the straights wish they had the balls to set something like this up. It might dissolve a bunch of marriages, but it could also save a few."

Silence settles in for a few streetlights, until she finally looks back at Walt. "I'm okay," she says, nodding. "It was hard, is all."

The big guy nods, slowly. "It's hard, but it'll buy us peace of mind. Like I said, everyone else can take a long hike off a short cliff."

I nod pensively. "I like this. Being here for you two, I mean. It makes this whole thing feel mature. Thought-out. Like it's not just my hormones losing it over Walt's necktie knot or Sarah melting when he hugs her."

He glances back at me and looks back at Sarah. For a second you could think we're a family of sorts, an older gentleman discussing with his two adult children. In a way, we are family, now. Have been for several months.

"I still have the keys to the old place for a few days," Walter notes, and I'll remind you that I left a mattress and old bedsheets there. The old place is a house, not an apartment, and we won't be heard from the basement. No shared walls."

His eyes twinkle. "We can't rightly celebrate next to Grem's parents, they'd throw us out and end his lease if we got too noisy. The duplex is out, and you've long been out of alternatives, Sarah."

We slowly share a grin, all three of us. Walter keeps his tone intentionally breezy. "Two pit-stops, one at IGA and the SAQ for some food and some booze, and another one at the SDQC for something that'll get us nice and cozy. We head for my old place, set up in the basement - and see where that takes us..."

I can't repress a chuckle. "Wile E. Coyote's got nothing on you, you genius."

A long, love-filled moment passes. Sarah breaks it simply enough, and in a way that rips laughter out of all three of us. She looks at us like she's cornered some sort of enigma, her reddish-auburn hair playing under the passing streetlights. Her glasses make her look impish, and she owns it.

"Fuck, I love you guys!" she swears. I clasp her shoulder from the back, Walter reaches back while driving, to use his free hand to touch both of ours.

"Tonight," he says, "we're consecrating our family. It might not last forever, sure, but for now, we've got each other."

The weight of the moment won't hit me until hours later - now, at least, when I've retreated from two splayed bodies I deeply love, for the sake of a few moments of clarity, to go plink this out on a laptop. All three of us are naked, and I'm covered in so many scents and sweat-related accents I didn't remember existing. The soles of my feet sting with little concrete pebbles and forgotten sawdust.It's been a long while since I made love to a woman, and Sarah was as patient as she could've been. Walter and I more or less sandwiched her, which left me to take a more proactive role while he stroked her neck or kissed her cheek from the back.

Sarah and Walt just finished on their own, and I can hear him thanking her. Having known himself to be gay for decades, now, Walt's prior experience with women is sparse, and lifetimes removed. From the sound of things, he's not half-bad.

It's come to my attention that we're all damaged goods. Me with my disability, my struggles, the death of my first genuine lover, and my knowing that I'll probably never be fully autonomous, for reasons outside of my control. All of my loved ones and lovers have always assisted me to some degree or another, and both Walter and Sarah accepted it with disarming ease.

Sarah's started to open up, and I've learned that her interests stem out of an unhappy childhood. Where else do you escape from a broken household than in your deadbeat father's old D&D 2.5 Ed. books? She's always felt inadequate, always felt less than. Like I always have.

As for Walter, it'd be safe to say he ate his abuse, his trauma. His many rejections, unfulfilling careers, abortive relationships... You don't come close to two hundred and eighty pounds of self-gratification if the weight doesn't feel like some sort of comfort, in a way. He couldn't get jacked, couldn't fight back - so he got fat. Got hard to move, learned to conjoin that with outwardly airs of extroversion when any instance that saw him act as such triggered a week or two's worth of binge eating and comfort-seeking.

All of this, and Sarah and I are the first persons to tell him that, sometimes, some people do look good in situations like his. He could've been a slob, or the type to hide it, to stoop or to dress in baggy clothes - but he never did. He cinched it, instead. Framed it, recalled old standards like Fat Men's clubs - and worked his ass off to make it work. The Sales guys pick off-the-rack stuff; Walter gets his measurements taken by a guy he knows and has already-expensive fare tailored and adjusted. He turned his need for comfort into culinary classes, and told himself that if he was going to equate anything depressing or bold or funny with food, then he'd eat well.

Damaged goods, all of us.

Sarah eventually stirrs awake. "Come back to bed; there's half a joint left, and Walt left you a slice of chocolate cake."

I can't quite repress a laugh. There's probably weirder reasons to crawl back into bed with your second family, but I can't think of anything in the moment.

[thebestpersonherelovesbucky]

Falcon and the Winter Soldier: Ep. 4 Takeaway

Uh. No. No, I was not in any way, shape, or form prepared for that heart-wrenching opening. That raw emotion. The gut-punching fear. The devastation. The soul massive relief from under all that fear and pain. No, I was not ready.

“She’s just a kid.” This is why Sam should be Captain America. Look, no one can replace Steve Rogers. There will never be another Steve Rogers. But that’s not the point. Sam isn’t meant to replace anyone. He’s meant to be his own Captain America. A man who has the heart and soul of a person who doesn’t go looking for a fight. A man who will fight when it needs to be done. A man who reaches out with compassion first and fists second. Sam is the Captain America this world needs in these modern times and tbh it doesn’t deserve him.

“Those are our friends you’re talking about.” “The Avengers, not the Nazis.” Thank you for your contribution, Bucky. 😂 No, but, I really liked the our friends. Not just my friends, but our friends and Bucky concurring with that by pointing out who Sam means. 

Sam sharing the story about his TT. His family means so much to him as does community and I think that’s why he can relate to Karli and what she wants to do but also cannot condone how she’s going about it. 

Yes, if anyone wondered, Baron Zemo would sell out his family to the White Witch for some Turkish Delight. 

I do like Zemo stepping back into the more villainous role. While I enjoyed the humor from last episode, it never really sat right with me that they gave Zemo a “tragic” backstory. He was Hydra in the comics and it feels weird to me to change it in such a way. He was a supremacist so his new anti-supremacist ideals is...off-putting to me.  

“It wasn’t just one community coming together. It was the entire world.” Hence why Sam can understand Karli’s goals.

Sam assuming the leadership role so much in the episode. So much foreshadowing to what’s (hopefully) to come. 

When Bucky loses it with Zemo and Sam is like “Don’t engage. He’s just gonna extort you and do that stupid head tilt thing.” Not only is this more leadership from Sam it’s also showing how much he pays attention. He knows all their social cues. He knew Zemo was gonna do that probably before Zemo even did. In other words, Sam Wilson is remarkable. 

Sam calling Sharon for help. I wasn’t expecting her again so soon. Yay!!

As soon as John Walker steps on screen I want to punch something. 

“He’s dealt with worth. And he’s not my partner.” Look at Bucky backing Sam up while trying to play it cool. We all know you love him, Buck.

Sam talking to Karli. Coming to her from a place of understanding and genuinely trying to earn her trust because he does understand her pain. He’s filled with so much compassion and so much empathy and he knows how to employ both of them to better a situation and the world at large instead of coming in guns blazing. He gets it. And he wants Karli to know that he gets it. His approach to getting her to see that she’s going about it in the wrong way. But while she’s okay with acceptable loss, she in fact expects it, Sam is not. “No, it’s not a better place if you’re killing people. It’s just different.” Again, this is what makes him a good Captain America. 

“He knows what he’s doing.” Bucky’s faith and trust in Sam when Walker is literally itching for a fight. That...cold, obsessed look in Walker’s eyes was chilling. (I’ve given kudos to Mackie and Seb for their acting but I should also acknowledge Wyatt Russel’s chilling performance)) 

Thank you, John Walker, for coming in and making things better oh wait, no. Just come in a fuck things up. Super of you. 

Sam’s immediate “no” when Zemo asked if he’d take the serum if he was offered it and asking about Bucky being included in the “super soldiers cannot be allowed to exist.” “Blood isn’t always the solution.” Sam is just. I’m running out of words.

I’m now walking a thin line of patience with Bucky criticizing Sam over not taking the Shield. Like, yes, he’s right in that Steve’s wishes were not honored, but Sam is living the consequences wanting to do the right thing by giving the Shield to a museum. He did not and would not have ever handed it over to anyone to use, especially not a man like John Walker. Sam didn’t give it to him. The government did. The same way they’d’ve given the serum to a man like Gilmore Hodge. The same way they forced it upon Isiah Bradley and then experimented on him and locked him away. The same way they “agreed” that Sam was doing the right thing by turning the Shield over and then handing it to John Walker. This is not Sam’s fault.  

I could take hours of Ayo and the Dora Milaje kicking John Walker’s ass.

Ayo and the Dora Milaje. 

Did I mention Ayo and the Dora Milaje? 

I really want to know what Ayo said to Bucky there**. After everything the Wakandans did for him, I can understand why she did what she did. She helped give his freedom and his mind back to him. I know Bucky only intercepted in that particular fight because Sam asked him to and he didn’t (not totally) want them to hurt Walker but. They gave him this place of freedom and his actions (breaking Zemo out, getting involved in their fight) did disrespect them. 

The Dora stepping on and catching the Shield. SWOON.

“They weren’t even super soldiers.” Oh, boo freaking hoo. You don’t need the serum to be a superhero, dude. And the fact that you’re basing so much of this on that plus your obesssion to gt it just proves you’re not worthy of it. 

“Power just makes a person more of themselves, right?” Vs. “Because a strong man, who has known power all his life, will lose respect for that power. But a weak man knows the value of strength, and knows compassion."

Seriously, the expressions John Walker makes sends chills down my spine.

Karli calling Sarah. I actually thought she’d show up in person. Sarah’s comments about “Captain America” and her assurances that Sam is not working for Walker. 

Sam’s immediate protectiveness when Sarah calls him and Bucky’s worry on his behalf. Sam’s anger with Karli when they meet again and the fact that he didn’t argue with Bucky for him wanting to come rather than Sam going in alone. 

Sam and Bucky working together (anyone notice a lot less bickering??) is so amazing. I love them as a team. 

Sam’s face when he realizes that Walker took the serum. 

Quite honestly, if Bucky Barnes wanted to stab me with knives all night long, I’d let him. 

Not happy with them killing Lemar for white man pain. I’m sure there were other ways they could have had Walker rage out. 

That amazing parallel between Steve slamming the Shield down in Civil War to defend himself and Bucky and Walker killing a person who was just with Karli. 

Speaking of parallels, there was SO many in this episode. The serum vials being shattered. The bursting through the doors Shield first. The jumping out of the window with the Shield. Just wow. 

“The Whole World is Watching”. A quote from Black Panther when T’Challa did not kill Klaue, an actual terrorist. The title of this episode when John Walker kills a man who didn’t even incite his rage. 

And, of course, that final image. I’m still shaking over it. If there’s a better image for what America represents to the rest of the world, idk what is. I just want to cry after seeing what this man is doing with it. This is why he’s U.S. Agent who represents the “power” and “strength” and “might” of the United States. Not Captain America who represents the ideals and hopes of what any country can be. 

The acting in this is utterly incredible. The story has me reeling. My mind has been blown by each and every episode and I can’t believe there are only two left. 

**Edit: Got it now! Thanks to those who messaged/replied!! 

[booksrbetterthanpeople]

Artist Family Values?

Everything is calm. Marinette, Alix, and Rose are playing funeral in the backyard; Felix is helping Juleka write a love note to Rose, confessing her feelings; Nathaniel is arm wrestling That and losing

Marc: Nathaniel, wonderful news. My mother is going to have a baby and she wants us to have it... Right now.

*Several hours of excruciatingly painful labor later*

Little girl: And then mommy kissed daddy, and the angel told the stork. The stork flew down from heaven and left a diamond under a leaf in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby.

Marinette: They had sex.

*Later*

Rose: Nathaniel!

Juleka: What news?

Marinette: Nathaniel, what is it?

Nathaniel: It’s an Artist!

The baby’s name is Kiran. He has black eyes and was born with fangs

Marinette and Alix immediately hate the baby and do everything they can to get rid of him. Guillotine, shooting him, dropping him from the roof

Marc: Mari. Alix. Why do you hate the baby?

Alix: We don’t hate him. We just wanna play with him.

Marinette: Especially his head.

To keep Kira out of trouble, Marc and Nathaniel hire a nanny. Lila.

Juleka immediately hates her because of how she’s taken a liking to Rose. Little does she know that she isn’t in love with the blonde. She’s a black widow out for their fortune.

Noticing that Marinette and Alix are onto her, Lila makes it seem like they wanna go to summer camp so they’re not in her way.

Nathaniel: *Disgusted* Fresh air. The scent of pine.

Chloé: Hi. I'm Chloé Bourgeois. Why are you dressed like that?

Marinette: Like what?

Chloé: Like you're going to a funeral. Why are you dressed like somebody died?

Marinette: Wait.

While at camp, Marinette and Alix make enemies of the popular bratty rich kids and allies out of the outcasts (The Akuma class)

Marinette finds herself glaring at a certain boy from America who glares right back at her... It’s Damian.

Back at the Artists’ home, Rose finds herself falling in love with Lila, much to Juleka’s anger but no one seems to notice

Marc and Nathaniel invite them to a gothic bistro

Lila: I just can't tell. Does she like me at all?

Marc: Of course she does. She pulled out her hair at the sight of you.

Marc and Nathaniel perform the badass tango from the movie

Meanwhile at the cemetery, Lila and Rose get engaged surprisingly quickly

Rose: Good news! I’m engaged!

Juleka: What?! *Felix pats her back for comfort*

Lila: *Shows the ring*

Marc: That ring.

Nathaniel: It was my grandmother’s. She was burried with it.

Lila: *Holds up a shovel*

Later that night at the camp, Alix and Marinette attempt to escape with some help from Damian, but are caught by the brat campers and are forced to sing Kumbaya

Damian and Marinette find themselves becoming closer

Damian: You know... I’m pretty good with a knife myself.

Marinette: ... *Holds Damian’s hand*

Escape attempt #2 is a success. When they hear about the wedding, Marinette and Alix have to go and see if it’ll be a train wreck. Of course, Marinette invites Damian as her plus one.

It’s surprisingly pleasant. Everyone’s dressed in black, the flower girl is tossing dead petals on the ground.

“I do.” “Ditto.” Marinette catches the bouquet.

Damian: Now you have to get married.

Marinette: It’s not binding.

On their honemoon, Lila attempts to kill Rose by dropping a toaster in her bath. Unfortunately for her, Rose is immune to death by electrocution

Needing a new plan and for the Artists to stay out of her way, Lila forbids Rose from seeing or speaking to em ever again.

Meanwhile at camp, Alix shoots an endangered bird!

Camp director 1: It’s a white tailed eagle!

Camp director 2: Aren’t they endangered?

Marinette: They are now

Juleka is sulking after receiving a letter from Rose, saying she can’t see them ever again.

Juleka: Have I done something, said something? Why does she despise me?

Nathaniel: Rose adores you.

Juleka: I'd do anything for her. At her request, I would rip out my eyes. At her command, I would crawl on my stomach through hot coals and broken glass.

Marc: ... You’re in love with Rose?

Back at camp, the directors announce that the campers will be performing the poorly written and quite racist play about the first Thanksgiving

Chloé will be playing Sarah Miller, the outcasts will play the Native Americans, and Marinette will be playing Pocahontas.

Marinette passes out at the announcement

Meanwhile, the Artists visit Rose and Lila at their pristine white mansion.

Juleka: So these are the gates of hell.

Lila forced them to leave, and Rose, out of fear, backs her up.

Marc: I see Lila that you have placed Rose under some strange sexual spell. I respect that. But please, may we see her?

Lila: No!

Marc: You have gone too far. You have married Rose. You have destroyed her spirit. You have taken her from us. All that I could forgive. But, Lila...

Lila: What?!

Marc: ... Pastels?

They leave, but not before Juleka curses Lila.

They try to go to the police, but they won’t take them seriously, and Nathaniel makes the following announcement

Nathaniel: I shall not submit! I shall conquer! I shall rise! My name is Nathaniel Artist, and I have seen evil! *Juleka holds up Kiran* I have seen horror! *Felix waves* I have seen the unholy maggots which feast in the dark recesses of the human soul.

Marc: They’re at camp.

Speaking of camp. The main 3 attempt to escape again, but are caught by the other campers and are soon forced into the Harmony Hut where they’re forced to watch Disney Movies.

Hours without food or drinks later, and they come out looking pale and traumatized

Marinette snaps out of it and traumatizes them back by smiling

With the Artists, something horrible has happened to Kiran. He blonde and has blue eyes!

Marc: My brother!

Nathaniel: *Faints*

Juleka: *Reading from spell book* “Infant possessions. These terrifying changes are most often the result of a troubled family life.”

Marc: Rose!

Juleka: If we don’t get Rose back, we’re talking dimples.

Nathaniel: Not in this house!

Juleka: He could stay this way for years. Forever. He could become... A lawyer.

Nathaniel: No!

Juleka: An orthodontist.

Marc: Juleka, please!

Juleka: ... Mayor.

Nathaniel: NOOO! TAKE ME INSTEAD!

It’s the day of the highly offensive show that portrays Native Americans as uncivilized people.

It goes off well until Marinette flips the script.

Marinette: You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now, my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides. You will play golf and enjoy hot hors d’oeurves. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will drive stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They have said, “Do not trust the pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller. And for all these reasons, I have decided to scalp you, and burn your village. To. The. Ground.

The outcasts burn the camp to the ground and attack the brats while the main 3 escape in a canoe.

Meanwhile, Lila tries one last attempt at killing Rose, knowing this won’t fault. A bomb.

When it goes off while she’s out, she’s expecting a blonde corpse. Not Rose holding a tray of cupcakes and a warm smile

Enough is enough.

Lila: *Aims gun* I tried to make it look like an accident! I tried to give you some dignity, but, oh, no, not you!

That shows up to save the day by hitting Lila with his car and helping Rose escape back to the Artists’ Home,

*Now for the best scene*

Marinette: I may never see you again.

Damian: I know.

Marinette: There are forces tearing us apart-- Gary, Lila, tenth grade.

Damian: I'll never forget you.

Marinette: *Touched* You won't?

Damian: You're too weird.

Marinette: We'll always have today and camp

Damian: And this. *He holds up a retainer*

Marinette: What is it?

Damian: Chloé’s retainer. *Drops it to the ground* Meyn ziskeyt.

Marinette: Mi querido.

*The two kiss through the fence before pulling away and wiping their mouths*

Meanwhile, Nathaniel’s lost his mind.

Nathaniel: *Lying in bed* Swing low... Sweet chariot... Coming for to carry me home.

Marc: Oh, my sister is ill and my husband is dying. Juleka, what am I gonna do?

Juleka: Well, you already have a black dress.

Rose returns, apologizes for abandoning them, reconciles with her friends

And at that moment, Marinette and Alix return from camp. They all group hug, and Juleka is about to tell Rose about her feelings for her, until...

Lila: In-laws!

Down in the dungeon, the Artists, Felix, and That are strapped into electric chairs while Lila tells them the story of her life... Through slideshow!

She burned her house down with her parents still in it because they gave her Malibu Barbie instead of Ballerina Barbie

Marc: *Disgusted* Malibu Barbie. The nightmare.

Nathaniel: The nerve.

Her first husband the heart surgeon could never make it on dates, so she committed axe murder.

Juleka: Aw, an axe. That takes me back.

Husband #2 was a Senator who wouldn’t buy Lila that new, expensive car because they had to set an example. She ran him over.

Lila: So I destroyed one innocent life after another. Aren't I a human being? Don't I yearn and... ache and shop? Don't I deserve love... and jewelry?

Marc: *nods* Adios, mi querido.

Nathaniel: Zay gezunt, meyn tayer.

With some encouragement from Felix, Juleka uses her last few moments to confess to Rose

Juleka: Rose, night after night, I have desired you. I would worship every pale, lifeless limb on your body, die and kill for you, love you even after my dying breath. Rose... I love you.

Her confession leaves Rose in tears.

Rose: I love you, too.

Lila: Oh, barf! *Grabs the lever* Goodbye, everyone! Wish me luck!

Artists: Good luck.

Right as she’s about to pull the lever, Kiran, back go normal and by some miracle drops down from the ceiling and switches the wires, making Lila electrocute herself to death

*One year later*

Juleka and Rose got married! Also, it’s Kiran’s birthday! And Damian’s invited!

Rose: And to think I might have missed all this. What was I thinking?

Marinette: Physical pleasure.

While the others are celebrating, Marinette and Damian hang out in the cemetery and talk about marriage. Which Marinette doesn’t want

Damian: But what if you found a man so devoted to you, who worshipped you, that he’d be your eternal love slave?

Marinette: I’d pity him

Damian: *Looks at Lila’s gravestone. ‘Friend, Family, Killer* Damn. Lila was sick.

Marinette: She wasn't sick. She was sloppy.

Damian: What?

Marinette: If I wanted to kill my husband, I'd do it, and I wouldn't get caught.

Damian: How?

Marinette: I'd scare him to death.

Damian: *Scoffs* Sure. *As he goes to lay a flower on Lila’s grave, her hand pops out of the ground and grabs him, making him scream.*

[taylorrsmind]

what i thought about fear street  1666 (TW! Spoilers)

I loved the 1666, but the 1978 is still the best. Besides, a quick question, I don't know if I didn't get everything right because I only watched 1666 twice so far, but if Nick had already delivered the current generation's serial killer (Ryan Torres), why did he name Sam? because you see, Ziggy wasn't possessed, she of course lived scared to death, traumatized and all, but she didn't become a serial killer, her name didn't end in the cave rocks, after all, she was “free”. Why Nick would conjure Sam's name so early when no one would question after Kate and Simon died and took the blame from everything that happened? Why send a note saying "it's happening again" to Christine when he was the reason it was happening? Other than that, Nick didn't deliver much as a villain lol. I don't think it's the actor because he was well as a Soloman, I think it's because we don't see his villainization(is that a word?)? Like, I've been suspicious of him since 1994, but it doesn't show him being actively evil in any of the movies, just that scene of him conjuring the names and the ending a few minutes before his death with Deena, but I couldn't worry or be scared, you know? I expected him to try to justify himself or something until the cave scene, I didn't feel vilification(again, is that a word?) in the character and i think I should because he's literally responsible for everyone's deaths, he’s the big bad wolf, the true monster under the bed.From 1994 to 1666 I could guess he was shady af but it gave me more “anti hero thats gonna sacrifice himself in the end/// doesn’t want to be a part of this////is a puppet and has no idea what’s actually going on” and what I got was “Good is Evil or whatever” like even when he was talking abt his family, which wasn’t much he should have talked about that, his character should have appeared more, I think it would have been nice if maybe a moralization of the character in that scene where he's chasing Deena, like "Oh, my family has been doing this for years, my brother and mother are important to me, my blood is sealed to the devil since I was a baby Sunnyvale's safety is the most important thing, I do this for peace" very lunatic and a tyrannical even, wich does not in any way justify his actions, but who adds content to him as a villain, especially in a trilogy that had two great movies with horrifying killers and deaths. It just fell flat to me, for the big bad guy to barely even have good action, scarry scenes. 

Even his relationship with Ziggy was a bit thrown, the importance he gave her was there for no particular reason, just to make the audience think he's nice and in love and surprise us in the end, which didn't work and it's a tactic I hate, the old trick of wanting to outsmart the audience, something Gossip Girl, Game of Thrones and Pretty Little Liars made me completely despise. I 1000000% prefer a structured and predictable outcome than something that will blow my mind for its lack of sense and meaning. ALSO I wouldnt be bothered if Nick was just evil to the core with no debpt whatsoever. Hell, most Sunnyvalers are! But the thing is that, by trying to outsmart the audience and try to lead us into believing Nick is a good guy, the writer (s) ruled that possibility out. You show him puking at seeing kids dying, him confessing how he didn’t want the “Goode” burden to fall of his back but he had no choice, putting Ziggy’s life over his well being, bringing Christine back to life, warning her about the monsters he’s sending to her town and even showing emotion when seeing her after a long time. NOTHING I said would make Nick any less of a monster who should rot in hell, but it clearly shows several colors and divergency on his way of thinking. And like I said, the writers could have given us evil Nick that played Ziggy’s heart and the entire Shadyside, but it doesn’t add up with all of that, at the same time all of that also don’t add up with the Nick we saw on 1666. If this movies were shot in different periods of time and not at once like it was I would say it was because the writers didn’t know who the bad guy truly was.

I won’t get into this, but someone important should’ve died. Like, bring the nurse back to avenge her daughter. Kill Ziggy (the idea of sacrificing Ziggy and Nick at the end ugh the waste). Kill somebody. This is a horror movie, nobody died. Yall could kill black and asian extras. Yall killed my sister Cindy, but couldn’t kill Ziggy? It made sense, she’d reunite with her sister! 

Anyway, I know it sounded like I hated the movie but I REALLY LOVED IT. The actors were all great, the chemistry was there, and although I wish we’d seen more of Sam than just her “ghrghrghrhr” until the very end, I loved how both queer main characters were alive in the end, and how they paid respect for Kate and Simon and how Sara was considered the very first Shadysider (although it was pastor Miller sksks). I loved seeing Simon and Kate’s face there again although it wasn’t really them. I loved that Sarah wasn’t the big bad wolf although I saw it coming and would love to see female rage (like that scene where she was like “If they want a witch, they’ll get a witch gave me chills) but like I said, I prefer prediction than disappointment and I wasn’t (disappointed)with that. 

THE END SCENE GOT ME EXCITED I HOPE THEY MAKE MORE OF THOSE BUT AT A DIFFERENT TIME SINCE LIKE THE BOOK WAS STOLEN. Also Cindy is my favorite character she legit showed up on flashbacks once and I cried.

My ranking, for now:

1. fear street 1978 (the best 2021 movie i fear i watched the entire week and made everyone i know watch it too)

2. fear street 1994

3. fear street 1666

i dont this there’s any bad movie on this trilogy btw. all great. 

[humbughana]

freedom.

y/n breaks up with her boyfriend, JJ Maybank. Rafe has to intervene. 

:)

warnings: none I think?

He meant well. He loved me. He was protecting me. 

I kept repeating these things to myself as I sat, looking at everyone having a good time. 

There was a party at the Boneyard tonight. Things we always looked forward to yet I had come to dread them. My boyfriend, JJ, became a different person these nights. Our usual trust and respect was out the window. 

“I’m going to get a drink.” I slapped my thighs and stood up facing everyone but, like clockwork, JJ stood up as well, “I got it.” with a tight smile. I frowned as he nudged me back down into my seat and I watched him disappear into the crowd. I looked around to my friends and no one seemed to be paying attention. 

I was going crazy, I decided. 

He didn’t trust me. Not that I had done anything to break it but he didn’t want the drama of someone looking at me for too long or causing problems with me. Didn’t want the fight, he said.

I looked around the beach seeing familiar faces, Sarah and Kie were dancing and laughing together. I sighed looking longingly at the carefree fun they were having. Pope and John B not even paying attention to them. Trust.

I must have caught Sarah’s eye because she ran up to me and grabbed my arms, “Come dance!” she giggled pulling me into her arms and out onto the makeshift dance floor. I smiled, I was with the girls, I would let loose. I deserved to have fun too. I let myself fall into the music and danced around with the two girls as we laughed before I felt an arm come around my waist, pulling me into him. 

Right as I turned around to shake the random guys hold on me JJ found me with a stranger's hands gripping my side and I froze.

“Get off her.” JJ got into the guy’s personal space and lightly shoved him off of me as I put myself in between the two ready to de-escalate the situation. 

“Relax JJ.” I pulled on his shirt when his eyes snapped back to mine and I stumbled back from the force. “I told you to stay there.” He ran his hand through his hair and I looked down as we caught the attention of a few other people. 

“I’m bored JJ! I can’t just sit in the corner everywhere we go! I can’t take it anymore.” I shrieked, beyond frustrated, “Sarah and Kie have so much fun and you expect me to sit alone!” He scoffed, making my eyes water at how little he disregarded my feelings towards this.

He stepped forward but I took one back, not ready to be put back into the cage just yet. “I don’t want to leave yet,” I mumbled, feeling embarrassed at the way he handled me. “Let’s go talk somewhere quiet.” He grabbed my hand and started pulling me away from the crowd. 

“No! I- I can’t do this anymore JJ!” I yanked my hand out of this grasp. 

“Fine. I didn’t want you here in the first place. You come here, looking like that, and expect me not to worry about you?” He laughed but it was anything but kind. 

“Like what, JJ?” I asked softly, looking down at my tube top and shorts.

“Like a slut, y/n” He answered without fault and I coughed out a laugh, tears leaking down my cheeks. 

“You don’t trust me,” I whispered and stepped back again as he looked cold. “I’m done, JJ” My boyfriend of 6 months scoffed again, “No you aren’t.” and reached for my arm. I jumped out of his grasp and raised my voice, “Yes I am! I don’t want anything to do with you anymore!” The mean look on his face only egged me on further, he didn’t care, he wasn’t protecting me, and he didn’t love me. 

I turned around to walk back to the main party, “So that’s it? You’re just leaving me so you can mess around with other guys, huh?” I shook my head, not looking back as I cried. 

My determination to have a good time only increased as I looked for a source of alcohol. JJ didn’t like it when I drank around strangers so that’s exactly what I would do tonight. I found the keg and walked towards it before running straight into someone. 

“Sorry,” I mumbled, wiping at my eyes and sidestepping the stranger blocking my path to freedom. 

“Woah, Woah,” He grabbed my arm and kept me in place, the freakishly tall handsome boy looking down at me was none other than Rafe Cameron. “In a hurry?” he asked, scanning my face and looking mildly entertained. 

“Yeah actually.” I looked pointedly towards the keg and he followed my line of sight, humming. “You don’t drink.” He said pointedly and I rolled my eyes. 

“I do now” I pulled my arm away ready to walk away from Rafe but he put his arm around my shoulder and led me back to his friends. 

“Well then let’s get you the good stuff.” 

It turns out the “good stuff” wasn’t good at all. Some awful concoction that Kelce threw together but it did the trick as I danced away all of my sadness and fear from earlier. 

“So where's Maybank, y/n?” Rafe asked as he watched me dance, smiling at me. I never had a problem with Rafe and his friends. I lived on Figure 8, making me a kook technically but I fit in with John B and his friends much better, that was until tonight.

“We broke up!” I yelled over the music and laughed twirling in a circle, feeling like I was floating. I caught the attention of Kelce and Topper and I finished my cup of mystery liquid. 

“I’ll be right back!” I told them and relished in the fact no one cared. No questioning no yelling. Rafe nodded and looked back at his friends, falling into another conversation. That easy. 

I stumbled around looking for Sarah to ask if I could stay the night at her house tonight. I couldn’t go home like this even though I lived close by, my parents would kill me. This was a usual thing for Sarah and me to stay together after a fun night. I spotted the girl and ran up to her, hugging her from behind as she giggled. 

“You’re drunk!” she laughed, turning around to look at me, “So are you!” I poked her cheek as we giggled like children. “Can I spend the night?” I asked, pouting.

“I’m staying at the Chateau tonight!” she frowned, “JJ didn’t tell you?”  Ah so they were all sleeping at John B’s tonight and no one knew I ended things with JJ. Perfect.

I waved her off, “No big deal!” I turned back to walk to the other side of the beach where I left Rafe when I felt an arm slide around my shoulders, “We need to get you home, y/n” it was JJ. I scowled and shoved him away, almost falling down from the alcohol. 

He rolled his eyes, “Come on, you’re trashed.” he grabbed my waist impatiently and I flailed, wanting nothing more than to get away from him. 

“Get off me!” I squealed as he started walking me off the beach and a familiar voice cut in.

“Forcing girls to go home with you now, Maybank?” Rafe sneered, his eyes caught on the hand wrapped around me. JJ shoved me, unintentional or not, and I fell into the sand with a yelp. I heard the noise of flesh hitting bone and gasps through the crowd. A fight had begun and Topped reached for me, pulling me up and away from the mess. He led us to Rafe’s truck and hauled me into the passenger's seat. He looked at my knees and brushed the sand off of them. I leaned my head onto his shoulder as he stood in front of me, both waiting for Rafe.

“You okay?” Topper asked, “I hate him.” I murmured, numb from tonight. I felt nothing for the boy I thought I loved an hour ago. Topper nodded and laughed, “That makes two of us.” 

After a little while, Kelce walked back with Rafe trailing behind him looking angry but he didn’t look hurt. He said something to Topper before shutting my door and walking around to his side., “You can stay with me.” I nodded and he started the car. The drive was silent but I could feel the tension in the air. 

When he pulled up to his house I opened my mouth but before I could say anything he was out of the car and was at my door, hauling the door open and helping me out. I let him lead the way in his familiar home and into his room. 

“Im sorry,-”

“Is this a normal thing?” 

We both blurted out at the same time and I blinked in confusion.

“Does he act like that with you all the time?” Rafe looked at me so seriously I felt as if I had done something wrong. I looked down to the ground and wrung my hands together feeling embarrassed.

I stuttered under his watchful eye, “It wasn't always like this.” I kept my head down and he kneeled in front of me forcing my head to up with a finger, meeting my eyes. My cheeks warmed, “I- he was just worried about me.” I cringed at my own words knowing how false they actually were. Rafe said nothing so I continued, “ I mean, sometimes he is right.” My eyes watered and I looked away.

And then the truth came out. “I hate him.” I said evenly, tears still running down my cheeks. “He called me a slut, I never want to see him again.” My lip wobbled and Rafe pulled me into a hug, running a hand through my hair as I cried. 

“Never again, y/n.”

[sweetbitterimpossiblecreature]

Feysand: An Objective Perspective

Is Rhysand An Abuser?

First, if we mean to be objective, we must use an objective classification. What is domestic abuse? According to facs.nsw.gov.au, “It’s when there is violent, abusive or bullying behaviour or actions towards a partner or former partner to scare and control them. It can happen at home or outside the home. It causes fear and harm to the body, mind and spirit.”

The Domestic Abuse Hotline also has this to say: “Domestic violence (also referred to as intimate partner violence (IPV), dating abuse, or relationship abuse) is a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship.”

Hopefully, we can agree on those two definitions. Now, does Rhysand demonstrate “violent, abusive or bullying behaviour”? Do his actions fall into “a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control”?

The simple answer: it’s complicated. Because of the way Sarah J. Maas has written this series, Rhysand is The Ultimate Man Male. He can essentially do no wrong. Any bad behavior is swept under the guise of his “mask”- i.e., the scene in the Court of Nightmares. Or, if he hurts her, it is brushed off as for her own good- like the time Under The Mountain. This makes it difficult to figure out whether or not he is an abuser, or whether he’s just… like that. In order to understand this, I’m going to give a few examples of things that Tamlin, the known abuser of the series, has done to Feyre.

He infringed on her autonomy by preventing her from leaving the house, thereby limiting her rights.

He lost his temper and exploded a room with her inside of it, thereby putting her in danger.

Let’s look at examples of Rhysand, and what I believe to be some MAJOR red flags.

He purposefully does not tell her about vital information to do with her pregnancy. She almost dies because of this. This omission of information, to me, demonstrated a very clear lack of respect. Maybe, if she had known that there was a possibility she could die, she would have chosen to have an abortion- or, if he had told her beforehand, when she gave him her xmas present, she might not have chosen to have a baby at all. I don’t want to make this a pro-choice issue… but at some level, it is.

He sends her to the home of a cannibalistic, highly dangerous, ancient, powerful, vicious being to get a piece of jewelry, thereby putting her in a massive amount of danger. I cannot emphasize this enough. Putting someone in a situation where they could be eaten alive does not demonstrate your respect for them. I know Maas was trying to write him as a Sexy Consent King, like “hey babe i respect u SO much i’m going to send you to a monster’s lair because I TRUST YOUR aBILITIES BABE”, but… no. No.

Under The Mountain, he drugs her and puts her on his lap, thereby limiting her rights. Not even going to bother to elaborate. Y’all know this by heart.

In conclusion: It isn’t black and white. I believe he positions himself as the king of consent and giving her choices while maneuvering it so that she has less and less choices as they go along (i.e. him not telling her about the crucial pregnancy info), which definitely qualifies as abusive behavior. But someone else might see it differently. From my perspective, it is abuse. But because I swore this was going to be objective, I’m going to say my final answer is: think about it.

On The Issue Of Rhysand And “Consent”

Again, for the people in the back: Putting someone in a situation where they could be eaten alive does not demonstrate your respect for them. Here’s a post that talks about consent much better than I could. In her words, “idolizing consent over lives” is dangerous, harmful, and very real. Do NOT blindly regurgitate every *woke* maxim on consent that you read! Let’s not, as a society, get to a point where it’s like: “Do I have your consent to pour this drink over your head because you said something beyond offensive about my ethnicity?” or “Do I have your consent to take away your car keys so you won’t drive drunk and possible harm others/yourself?” Trust your gut.

How does this relate to Rhysand? Well, first of all, he undeniably puts her in danger. This is justified by the contrast between him and Tamlin. Maas essentially is telling us that Tamlin limits her by keeping her out of danger, and Rhysand empowers her by giving her access to danger. And it’s very easy to get caught in the undertow of this strange logic. Believe me, it is. When I first read the ACOTAR series, I was jiving along with all of your Fuck Tamlin Let Him Die playlists. But here’s a radical idea: imperilment is not a love language. I am not saying that Tamlin was a better option. I am saying that it is possible to respect someone and their right to their own decisions without putting them in danger.

On Making Her High Lady

While it’s fucked up that before Feyre, there were no High Ladies, Feyre incontrovertibly should not be High Lady. Why? Because in fae terms, she is an infant. She learned to read a few years ago. (I am not ridiculing her for her illiteracy, because I understand that the circumstances in which she grew up did not allow for a literate education. That is completely understandable! However, what is not understandable is putting this woman into a position of staggering political power. Learning to read a few years ago means that her comprehension rate is likely a lot lower than the average Velaris citizen. It is… not good for the ruler of a territory to be less capable than the average citizen. This would be like if the president didn’t have a high school diploma.). She has no knowledge of the political landscape. She does not understand etiquette (i.e. her physically attacking someone because of an insult, although to be 100% fair, Rhysand did the same.)

Hey, Feyre! Someone slut-shaming your mate for sleeping with Fae Hitler is not grounds for murder! In ordinary life, it would be grounds for slapping him in the face or something similar, but YOU ARE TRYING TO HAVE A CRISIS COMMITTEE BETWEEN TERRITORIES, WHICH HAS THE POTENTIAL TO SAVE THOUSANDS OF LIVES. An inability to sacrifice one’s ego, even at the potential loss of life, is a worrying characteristic in a ruler.

In Conclusion:

Feyre is not unproblematic when one looks at her decisions as a whole. While the narrative positions events so that they all turn out in her favor, as one would expect given that authors not only write character but plots, in a real-life situation - or just a more realistic plot - her actions would harm many, many people. Rhysand’s behavior towards Feyre is worrying as well, and objectively I think it’s fair to say qualify as signs, if not absolute empirical evidence of abuse.