#something happens and ten minutes later theres a flashback of it

[pixlokita]

Me about to rewatch naruto: eh,, I won’t even cry because I know what happen-

Me as soon as something dramatic happens and the sad music starts playing:

[tumblunni]

Man i feel like i can actually FEEL the teeth in my lower jaw starting to move back into proper alignment to fill the gaps where the wisdom teeth got taken out. Its so weird its like sideways ache? Like theyre being pushed out? Just makes me realize wow how tight and awful they were before. Makes sense that this whole thing caused my front teeth to shatter even though its a back teeth problem. They just got pushed so tight they overlapped like bologna and then snapped in half and got all gross plaque infection in the cracks. Now they got rid of the asshole wisdom teeth and they also did reconstructive surgery on those bologna teeth so now they look EVEN BETTER THAN THEY DID IN THE FIRST PLACE!! Srsly lol they had no frame of reference for what they really looked like so the replacement caps ended up being perfectly sized and straight instead of the big wonky ones they used to be. I actually like my smile for the first time in years!! But man its so worrying to think all these teeth were pushed halfway out of their sockets from all the pressure of the wisdom teeth, and now it looks like i have big gaps where the wisdom teeth used to be but theyve already started closing in just two days since the surgery. Wiggly wiggly sideways back into where youre supposed to be! Teeth are so weird i never knew anything about how teeth works!!!

Also the weirdest side effect of anesthetic is it apparantly gives you problems peeing for 24 hours. Even after all the head fuzzyness was gone and i didnt feel tired or anything, it was like i constantly had to pee but nothing was happening. Had to sit there for ten minutes at a weird angle to get gravitational support lol. I guess that means the muscles in your urinary tract continue being paralyzed longer than the rest of you that got knocked out? I also wasnt able to crap until just now, who would have friggin expected that tooth drugs could mess up your ass? XD Wonder if theres any other parts of your body that the anesthetic wears off more slowly but you dont notice cos its less vital? Like did my ability to smell asparagus go away? Did my spleen temporarily take a nap? Was i unable to wiggle my ears but id just never know cos i couldnt do that anyway? ITS SO WEIRD

Oh also for some reaosn it took quite a while for the tooth pain to kick in at all, and the worst pain has been in my throat. Apparantly they had to hook me up to breathing apparatus during the surgery and the tubes in your throat often leave it feeling scratched afterwards. It just bugged me so much more than the teeth cos it made it hard to drink anything to rehydrate like they wanted me to. And heath hospital does THE BEST MOST FAMOUS HOSPITAL TOAST and it was soooo hard to swallow it with my throat but i had to cos it was amaaaazing~! All the nurses were so nice so i couldnt say no even when the salty crustyness of delicious was destroying my windpipe. It would have been a noble death!

Also odd is that i have a bit of an ache lower down my neck, like a muscle lower near my diaphram and also one under my chin kinda? Thats the same one that was hurting when the wisdom tooth was in there so it makes sense, but the lower neck muscle is weird. I guess maybe i just stretched it bad at a weird angle while i was unconcious and didnt notice til the anesthetic totally wore off

Anesthetic is so weird!!!

Also like i dont remember ANYTHING about it? It somehow gave me amnesia of stuff before the injection? Is that normal? Ijust renember sittibg on the bed and them saying "hey were gonna wheel you over to surgery now" and then i was waking up in my recovery room three hours later. Dont remember the bed wheelies or getting the injection or the count backwards from ten or anything! I guess thats good cos i was so worried i was gonna say or do something embarassing while i was groggy and now i guess i'll never know. But i feel like the doctors wouodnt have been so nice to me if i had said something stupid, right? And then after i woke up i didnt have any of that comical goofyness either i just felt totally sane but sleepy and dizzy whenever i tried to stand up. And a bit of amplified anxiety but not as bad as i was expecting, i just panicked a bit to the doctor and needed to know a bunch of questions about the surgery to know 100% for sure that it all went right. I was worried that i'd ptsd flashbacks of my childhood or something and embarass myself.

It all ended up going a lot better than expected and i didnt die and i didnt embarassment and all the doctors were SO NICE and just basically i was so scared of my first time going to hospital and it went so well that now im way less scared if i ever need to have surgery again someday! And i can face it with a fabulous looking smile!!

[lovelesswiki]

Post-Moonless predictions— Well-Kept Secrets (6/10)

previous part<–[here] –> next part

for the last week or so, i’ve been talking about a large theory i’ve been writing. since finishing it, i’ve decided to publish it in parts, since it’s actually about 10 different theories all on one subject. since it’s all written out, i’ll try to be publishing one part of this per day.

essentially, this is a set of theories about what i believe will have to happen in order to properly lead up to a climax–the one we’ve been building up to for years and years now. so, these are what i theorize will happen after the first moonless vs beloved battle, broken up into ten different parts. each theory is explained and theres images for each one.

table of contents (bolded is the post you’re looking at):

moonless and beloved will rematch (1)

soubi will fall into a deep depression and possibly become suicidal (2)

ritsuka will arrive at seven voices, SM’s activity will be revealed (3)

SM will reveal that there was a mole in their organization (4)

kio will be the one to take ritsuka to goura (5)

ritsuka will find things out about soubi and the aoyagi family (6)

SM’s true purpose will be revealed. ritsuka will have to make a decision about good vs evil (7)

seventh SM member will be revealed (8)

nagisa will find out what really happened to sanae (9)

ritsuka will be asked to join SM to fill the aoyagi seat (10)

Theory: soubi keeps secrets well for many reasons, but now that he’s gone, they’re going to have to come to light, and ritsuka will find out more about him and his own family, forcing him to realize just how strong and terrible seimei’s hold over soubi is.

Note: this theory heavily discusses the topic of rape in terms of soubi being both the victim and the perpetrator and in terms of nisei’s rape of mikado. proceeding with caution is advised. 

we’ve already been a little bit introduced to this. or, should i say, ritsuka has been a little bit more introduced to this.

soubi keeps secrets from ritsuka. soubi keeps secrets that he has not explicitly been told to keep. ill write up another post someday about this, but i suspect that soubi keeps secrets about his past from ritsuka because seimei already knew all those secrets and used them against him, and he thinks that not telling them to ritsuka will prevent them from hurting, so he can just ignore his past and pretend like it never happened. this actually isnt uncommon in people who have been through constant abuse, and it makes sense why soubi hasn’t told ritsuka (or anyone) anything yet.

not even kio or natsuo and youji seem to know about soubi’s complete past, involving mainly ritsu’s treatment of him, but also involving what soubi did under seimei’s rule. it is pretty clear from the angry, verbally violent way that he responds to tokino with that he did some pretty terrible things under seimei’s rule. when tokino implies that like nisei, it was soubi’s job to rape and murder enemies, soubi loses his shit but never really denies it. aside from this, we have hard evidence of soubi murdering other teams for seimei, including this being explicitly stated in a drama CD where someone that soubi took pity on comes back to haunt him, and the fact that one of the crimes seimei’s being prosecuted for includes murder, and seimei doesn’t do the dirty work to say the least. there’s also the fact that in the beginning, he kept asking ritsuka if he wanted soubi to murder their opponents, which strongly implies that he’d been put in a situation previously, where that question was necessary and appropriate, and where the answer was ‘yes’. this is a secret long-kept, and i do believe it’s key in understanding soubi, which is something ritsuka (and by extension kio) desperately need, and it’ll play into ritsuka’s later development of understanding that not everything falls into ‘good’ and ‘evil’.

(pictured: soubi starts an yelling argument with tokino over one comment, resulting in youji telling him to calm the fuck down.)

soubi has let a couple things go to ritsuka. he confirmed that ritsu raised him and was very cruel to him, but he didnt expand much on either point. with the few stories that soubi did tell ritsuka, ritsuka seemed a bit distressed and commented that the things ritsu did were horrible. in addition to this, ritsuka learning about seimei and nisei raping mikado seemed to be a huge turning point for him in the way he viewed seimei, and i suspect that there will be something similar when ritsuka learns that soubi was raped at a young age by the man raising him. and i suspect he’ll become very confused and disorientated when he realizes that seimei had soubi do many of the same things that nisei did. while i think their situations are different to where soubi had no capacity to enjoy it or even want to do it, whereas with nisei and in the case of mikado, nisei seems to have gone above and beyond whatever seimei ordered him to do and going along with his personality, enjoyed it, especially given his comments of liking it when listening to ritsuka cry through his wiretaps. 

(it’s probably safe to say that he enjoyed what he did to mikado.)

ritsuka is a particular character, because he’s young, and young people tend to view the world in terms of ‘black’ and ‘white’. for a long, long time, ritsuka viewed his brother as ‘good’ and in the series, mostly towards the beginning, he struggled with whether or not soubi was a ‘bad guy’. however, hes quickly discovering that the world isn’t so clear-cut, which we’ll get to in a hot minute (or more, in the next part of this series).  

by some way or another, probably by just directly asking ritsu or nagisa and by spending an extended amount of time at seven voices, ritsuka will find out about soubi’s childhood. he will also go deeper into what the flashback chapters introduced and we’ll find out what further transpired with ritsu, nagisa, akio, and the rest of the kids in that particular year. i say this because, at this point, it’s detrimental to the story. we’ve gotten to a point where we sort of need to know why these older characters act the way they do and why there’s so much bad blood between them. this will also help ritsuka understand SM more, too, but ill get to that in the next point. there’s also the fact that, you know, theres two potential people that could be ritsuka’s father, the fact that soubi’s mother and ritsuka’s mother were friends, and the fact that a kid suspiciously drown in knee-deep water. so, a lot of unsolved mysteries we haven’t gotten to yet.

so, we have ritsuka and kio finding out about the horrors of soubi’s past, and i think this will heavily impact the way ritsuka sees ritsu and septimal moon. right now, ritsuka seems to sort of respect ritsu, but i doubt he will after he finds out about everything, especially the fact that ritsu raped soubi when he was incredibly young and abused him in every way before and after that. this will cause ritsuka’s opinion of ritsu to drop incredibly low, which will affect what happens in the next part of this series.

ritsuka may also find out about the things soubi did for seimei and will find out that many of the crimes that seimei is held accountable for were actually done with soubi’s hands. i don’t believe in any way, shape, or form that soubi can be held accountable for this in this world, nor do i personally believe he should be held accountable, but i’m unsure if ritsuka will immediately see it this way. ritsuka will be forced to make a choice about good vs evil regarding soubi, and will be forced to come to the realization of just how strong seimei’s hold over soubi and nisei is and what the extent of his power is.

in addition, we’ll find out more about ritsuka’s family, too. i should say that im a firm believer that yun has been building up to something having to do with ritsuka’s father, who he is, and why he’s never present, and ive thought this ever since we got the indirect confirmation that seats are passed down throughout the family, meaning that it was most likely the elder aoyagi who held it beforehand. notice that i say elder aoyagi and not ritsuka’s father, because we don’t know if ritsuka’s father is seimei sr or aoyagi masaki, misaki’s biology professor in high school. this will play a huge amount into who ritsuka is and what he discovers about himself, and how it could even relate to seimei’s motives and his own memory loss.

the way i see it, ritsuka and seimei are masaki aoyagi’s kids. or, at the very least, seimei is his, but i personally believe ritsuka is, too. however, there’s a very real possibility that ritsuka thinks nowaki seimei--who will be referred to as seimei sr, mostly because i think it’s funny--is his father. i’m fairly certain that seimei sr is the one that ritsuka calls ‘dad’ and the person that we see for a couple panels in the early volumes of the manga, and im unsure if he knows that he was fathered by someone else. seimei jr alludes to knowing more about their family and why they’re named what they are named in an extra chapter about ritsuka’s birthday, but doesn’t say much about his family beyond that. regardless, there is something fucked up going on with the aoyagi family seniors, since misaki, ritsuka, and seimei jr all take the last name ‘aoyagi’. the kids look like aoyagi masaki, but the person ritsuka calls ‘dad’ is never home and is most definitely not aoyagi masaki. there’s also the fact that when seimei jr is being taken to the hospital for ritsuka’s birth in a flashback, we don’t actually see daddy. on top of this ‘dad’ is never home and ritsuka even states at one point while he’s tied up that he won’t come save him, and he doesn’t attend ritsuka’s school functions (in fact, soubi seems to be the person his school considers his parent, since he’s asked to come help out at an art museum and he offers to go to the dad event at school for ritsuka in early series loveless).  

i’m of the belief that something is going on with the aoyagi parental lineage, since i don’t really see any evidence that ritsuka’s father is just absent a lot. there’s too much pointing to the fact that something suspicious is going on. and i think this is something seimei knows, but ritsuka does not. i also think that ritsuka will be finding out more about his memory loss, and i theorize that ritsuka at one point found out something he shouldn’t have, resulting in seimei ordering to have his memory taken, and that soubi is probably the one to have done this, given that soubi is able to alter memories, since he did so to hitomi in relation to natsuo and youji.

to put it simply, there’s a lot of very well-kept secrets that i think are about to come out, and it’s going to be detrimental when they do.