#something being ''weird and gross'' actually does not give you the right to verbally abuse people

[coockie8]

If the only argument you have against something is that you, personally, find that thing to be "weird and gross", then genuinely shut the fuck up and move on with your life. Get some hobbies. Go look at some puppies at a pet store or something. Experience joy for the first time in your miserable existence.

No one cares to hear what gives you, a random stranger on the internet, the ick, let alone the people who enjoy the thing you're bitching about.

[mangodestroyer]

Tw: post about corporate America and the lack of solidarity between minorities

Yeah, I guess you've got a point there.

Anytime a co-worker has given me trouble, it's usually because they're pretty freaking miserable. Currently, the one giving me trouble has been through the military, survived cancer, talks about how she used to work miserable jobs, and currently has a daughter-in-law who is a drug addict and tormenting her son and how she's in poor health. Said co-worker also CONSTANTLY talks about drinking alcohol... so she probably has substance abuse issues as well.

Then I had a previous one who was a single mom working two jobs and really scraping by. Somehow she has to pay child support to her abusive ex while sharing custody with him. When she was my age, she also partied hard, did drugs, got arrested, and pregnant long before she was ready for a child. This one was ALWAYS on my case over every little thing I did at work and making rude remarks about me. And then ANOTHER previous co-worker who was having difficulties finding a partner, and the moment a cute young man started working there, she started verbally berating me in front of customers and even used the R slur against me while doting over the guy.

For context, they're all native American. They knew I was also Native. The moment the current one found out, that's when she started getting MEAN. Literally, I went from feeling comfortable around her to feeling like she's about to smack me over the head any second. People also started complaining about me to my boss and now the office just acts weird around me. And you see? This is why I chose to go into a field where you dig through dirt in college. At this point in my life, I think I'd rather be outside getting sweaty and gross, and digging through dirt and mud, over dealing with any more work politics with these "cushy" jobs. People think I'm crazy for saying it, but I literally keep saying that I'd rather scrub toilets than work another people-oriented job. Like, I never thought I'd start finding THAT desirable, considering that I'm easily grossed out, but people SUCK.

It's one reason I relate to Crowley. I just feel it's implied that he's always so uniquely abused and stands out no matter what he does. Like, my life isn't a picnic either! Why are other people with similar struggles treating me like shit? Am I actually a horrible person and don't even realize it? I've tried everything under the sun and it STILL happens! It's why I stopped giving a shit about pleasing others. I mean, I was initially excited about this job AND being in a new environment on campus... but enough social failings have gotten me to a point where I'm now just apathetic about other people. My co-workers can hate me and be displeased with my performance. I'm just here for a check at this point. I've still got that other job that's waaaaay more exciting! I still feel like I'm becoming a cynical asshole though. I sometimes just feel incredibly depressed and want the semester to be over with (because that's when my roommate will leave, who has also caused issues). I mean, I literally started living on a college campus to get out of an abusive situation. That was ROUGH! For once in my life... can I catch a fucking break? Can I please just be happy without something or someone smacking me down? Be popular with someone/a bunch of people for once? Have something go right after working at it for a while, and then not be given shit if something DOES go right for me?

I understand that Furfur's actions are probably supposed to resemble the ladder climbing observed in corporate hellscapes, as well as the lack of solidarity between minorities in said environments (I kind of see demons as minorities in this celestial society). Like, okay, he spared Aziraphale later on... idk why tbh. I still feel vindictive and hope he cried about being humiliated.

Look, I'm tired. I know I need to make some changes with how I'm doing things right now because I'm clearly becoming very depressed. Trust me, I am NOT working at that job after my pay auth is up. And I'm working on changing my priorities when it comes to college. I know I need to chat with housing once this semester is over because they seriously fucked up and ignored my preferences when it comes to roommates. I'm also trying to be independent when I likely have a pretty bad case of autism. Probably worse than what people thought when I was a child. I wish I could pause life and isolate myself from everyone for a while.

Ig Good Omens just does a pretty good job demonstrating this aspect of life. Season Two still leaves me feeling depressed sometimes. It didn't feel as whimsical as the first season. It felt a little more REAL.

Beez saved Gabriel from Heaven with The Fly...

...while Aziraphale saved Crowley from Hell with...

...The Flyer.

[omegawolverine]

I love it when people talk about things they're passionate about, tell me something cool!! Anything you want, just something you find interesting or want to talk about :D

hello anon my beloved, I am in a bad mood so you will be receiving a passionate, yet lowkey of pissy rant about why villainizing bakugou makes me wanna vomit and its NOT just because I'm a dumbass kinnie :)

tws: child abuse (emotional and physical), near death expierences, bullying, kidnapping, suffocation, lots of trauma in general tbh. if you've seen bnha then basically just keep all the general triggering plot stuff in mind incase i missed any warnings

also, note: I havent caught up on bnha in a minute, I'm at like the start of the war arc but I barely remember shit there tbh so like. probs missing new stuff. also bnha spoiler warnings lol

so, for starters, the homie bakugou has like,, a good handful of issues that come from his childhood that explain why he's an ass. he was always praised and never actually reprimanded for being a twat which led to him having a huge ego that ended up fucking him over majorly. this ego was something that his mother acknowledged him having, but literally didnt try to fix it with anything other than violence. see here:

like, instead of trying to help him, she hits and insults him, which is probably what led to his weird inferiority/superiority complex. being constantly told by others that you're outstanding and one day you'll be a top hero because you're rude and aggressive and then going home and being hit by your mother for those exact same behaviors is bound to fucking confuse a child.

so like, now that we've established that its definetly canon that his mother (parents? I think he said parents at some point but masaru doesn't seem like the type so 🤷) hits him though we don't know how much or how often (though if bakugou was as much of a little shit back then ((which as far as we've seen- he was)) then it was probably often), lets talk about how regardless of all that 1) hitting your kids as "discipline" not only doesn't work but is abusive lol like idc if it's spanking/popping them on the mouth for talking shit, slapping them across the face "on occasion", etc. shits not okay 2) hitting your kids!!!! does not work!!!!!!!! it is literally PROVEN not to work!!!!!!!! hitting a child who has done something wrong doesnt teach them to stop doing something it teaches them to be scared of you, which will cause the child to withdraw, removing part of their support system (assuming said abusive parents would even offer that up) and will most likely lead to them thinking they're a bad person, not that their actions were bad, which are two different things. so, ya know, that would clearly have an effect on a kid. like, as someone with a mother who reminds me all too much of mitsuki: I have acted like a complete shitbag and taken my anger out on people to feel better in the past because of the way my mother treated me. though it was nowhere near what bakugou did, I still know first fucking hand what a mother hitting and insulting her child will do, especially if they have no proper outlet for that (friends, a safe place to vent) which bakugou never fucking had.

theres also the fact that just talking to your kid the way mitsuki does (saying it's his fault he was kidnapped because he's weak, all while hitting him) is not??? okay?????? ive seen people arguing that this was just a joke in poor taste but like her son was KIDNAPPED and even if it was a "joke" there's literally NO WAY that would EVER?? BE FUNNY??????? she just sounds like the kind of parent who at the very least says shit without thinking that would traumatize bakugou (because being told right after being kidnapped it's your fucking fault by your mother is absolutely traumatizing) but it comes across as her being emotionally abusive.

mitsukis character as a whole comes across as a shitty mom who doesn't realize she's a shitty mom and thinks bakugou being an ass isn't at least partially her fault even though she's admitted to realizing he has always had an ego problem and doing nothing to fix it except for hitting and yelling which obviously did nothing but make him just as loud and violent as she is.

this is obviously not the entire reason why he's a dick but he was never properly taught that the shit he was doing wasn't okay and people not stopping it and/or praising him endlessly even tho he was a bully is basically the same as encouraging it, thank you very much.

moving on from that, let's talk about bakugous other traumas and how he naturally responds to them. hint: it's with either full blown panic or a fight response (verbal or physical, though usually physical. also sometimes it's the panic followed by the fight response.)

so far in bnha (keep in mind that I am not caught up, I've only read up to the beginning of the war arc and i barely remember those bits so) bakugou has...

nearly died via sludge villain (he was unable to move and was being suffocated to death- keep this in mind)

lost for the first time ever and against deku of all people (this nearly sent him into a full blown panic attack, likely because of that sexy little inferiority/superiority complex combo. think of this as like. gifted kid burnout lite. he has always been the best of the best and now suddenly he is being beaten by somebody who has always been weaker than him, which immediately makes him start thinking he was never actually that good, he's actually a fucking failure, a goddamn fraud)

won the sports festival by default (bakugou counts this as yet another failure because todoroki didnt try his best. had bakugou lost to todoroki full strength, he would've taken 2nd place with a bit of bitching, but he still wouldve taken it rather than refuse the medal as it would be a reminder that he failed. instead of accepting that like UA shouldve, the staff chained and muzzled him on live television and then had all might, his fucking idol, force the medal into his mouth. remember the sludge villain incident and how he couldnt move and was suffocating to death? yeah.)

been kidnapped because of the way he reacted to winning during the sports festival (he was aggressive and tried to refuse the medal because he felt he didnt deserve it and was then retraumatized by being chained up and muzzled. his "villainous attitude" was a fucking trauma response, do not tell me otherwise)

was then chained up once again by the LOV after being kidnapped,,, do we see the "retraumatize bkg" theme yet?

"ended all might" (he literally blames himself for all mights retirement because had he just not have been weak, all might wouldve had more time, right?)

my point with all of these is that bakugou has been severely traumatized and has then had his trauma responses (aggression, fight) used to further demonize him. not all people with trauma react the fucking same and the way the fandom just refuses to acknowledge anger as a valid form of trauma response is gross as hell.

moving away from that topic, bakugou has literally never had any actual friends, they all just used him and didn't care about him which absolutely will fuck up a kid, especially one who already has all that other shit going on. bakugou deadass never had a support system or people to help him grow as a person, let alone properly work through his fucking emotions so it's not surprising that he would take out his bullshit on the one person who tried to help him especially considering he saw dekus actions as him thinking he was weak. bakugou was raised to not seek help, he thought somebody strong shouldnt ever need it, so for somebody like deku (who bakugou percieved as weak and helpless already) to offer up help? deku must obviously think bakugou is even weaker than him, what other explanation could their possibly be!

speaking of which, there's his heaps of insecurities that he basically hid by being a twat and bullying others for most of his life. kid was so insecure he bullied deku for fucking years cause he thought deku looked down on him, thought he was better than him, etc. and that only got worse bc his idol then decided to take deku in, train him and even give him his quirk. there's probably some shit im missing but still he's got issues and always has had issues. that being said, he's actually improving and working them out now which is what makes him a really good, interesting character. it's also nice to see a character who is a dick without some tragic backstory (like his backstory is sad but its not the classic "my family was fucking slaughtered and i turned into a raging bitch who murders people" type shit) bc that rarely happens and it's like most assholes don't actually have a story like that they're just assholes lol

now lets talk improvement! lil bitch has been getting better since he got into UA and im so happy abt it!! he had a rough start what with deku suddenly having a quirk and all but like he is really improving now and it highkey shows that bakugou just mostly needed people who 1) didn't constantly praise him and actually criticized him instead 2) actually fucking punished him doing stupid shit and 3) some motherfucking friends

Since going to UA he's gotten actually feedback from teachers about his weaknesses and how to get stronger, he's lost against others, hes been told he has a shit attitude and is a dick, told he should be nicer and leave deku alone, etc etc. He hasn't gotten in trouble too much with teachers but others give him shit for what he does and aizawa has punished him too, while still acknowledging that bakugou is an amazing and dedicated student, something which no one else had done up til that point. and uh???? homie actually has friends who like,,, don't use him and also call him out when he's a dick. like specifically kirishima has done this shit and him and bakugous relationship is clearly very healthy and beneficial for the both of them. makes me feel all happy n shit, ya know

bottom line is: while it is absolutely valid to dislike or even hate bakugou because he is a massively flawed person who has been very cruel to others, villainizing him for the way he acts which in large part seems to be from a lack of guidance, a shitty mother and heavy amounts of trauma, is fucking awful. his actions cannot be fucking excused, he needs to apologize and continue to grow, but he is also a fucking teenager, who is just now being told that the way he acts is unacceptable by people who dont fucking abuse him (and I swear to god if any people who think mitsuki isnt abusive interact with this fucking post I will fullstop hardblock you, I do not fucking care) and actually treat him like a normal person instead of some prodigy child or someone who needs to be fixed.

people are free to debate my points or whatever bc I know some of this stuff is up to interpretation but like. dni if you're just here to say you hate bakugou for xyz reason or that he's irredeemable. also especially dni if you compare him to fucking endeavor yall bitches make me gag.

anyways thxs for the ask anon <33 sorry this is a kinda messy info dump lol

[realityshiftingandblogging]

My opinion on something in this community.

Okay, I know I said I’m avoiding opinions but I need to get this out before I continue with today fjsbfjsnsk. AFTER THIS IM TAKING A MENTAL BREAK FKSDBFSBF 

Tw: Mention of respawning, death, suicide, toxic behavior, cursing and slight mention of abuse.

Heads up before I start, I want to say I am someone who believes it is possible to shift permanently and I also believe your physical body, in no way, can be affected by shifting unless you mean trauma wise because you shifted to somewhere not so mentally friendly and so on. I may change my belief depending on whether it has enough backing or makes sense, logically, to me. So if you’re reading this when i’ve changed my views then you can go “heeeeyyyyy old you” and move on from this post lmao. Anyway here we go!

This "permanently shifting is respawning" BOTHERS ME SO MUCH. I, personally, want to shift permanently because I see no future here, I have no interest here, I am not in a good home situation, and that SHOULD BE valid. To associate people who want to live a better life and live out their dreams in a safer form with something that isn't on the communities best side is going to . . .

1. Spread misinformation on the definition of respawning

-----------------

Ahem, and before I move on let's look at the definition

Respawn: (of a character in a video game) reappear after having being killed.

This could also relate to reincarnation. Let's check that definition too.

Reincarnation: the rebirth of the soul in a new body.

See also "reincarnation, also know as rebirth or transmigration of a living being begins a new life in a different physical form or body. "

----------------

2. Not only will it spread misinformation, those who hop on the "majority belief train" might spread hate towards those who really can't stand to be here.

⚠️ Permanent Shifting and Respawning are two different things. Respawning has no definite security that you will be in your DR, it's too risky. As for permanent shifting, you simply shift and stay. There is no harm to your body or anything and you can ALWAYS come back if you decide to, something respawners cannot do. Permanent Shifting and Respawning are two different things. Comparing those two is like saying shifting in general and Respawning are the same because they both involve leaving this reality. They arent, and you know it. Just because they both stay in their DR doesn't mean they are the same. If you disagree, I have an entire server and a lot of people to back me up that it is not the same. They all agree, it's two different categories. Permanent shifting isn't always permanent and you can come back, there's no harm to you or your body. Respawning isn't guaranteed, nor can you ever come back. There is a big difference. Stop clustering. I spoke with a respawner on Amino who said that Respawning is the disposal of the body AFTER shifting and ties are severed. It is not done by then consciously. Secondly in addition to that, permanent shifting means you can always come back if you change your mind and the ties with this reality is still there. There is a big difference here. ⚠️

People who see no future here are not cruel to their families. People who, at an early age, dreamed of being somewhere else other than 'home' are not cruel. People who want to see their comfort characters and stay there, consciously, are not cruel. It. Isn't. Wrong. It isn't disgusting. It isn't mean. It isn't "mentally ill." If you see it as wrong then tough luck buddy because I don't care. Unfollow me or block me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

ANOTHER THING THAT IS BOTHERING ME.

Those who shift permanently are not evil, cruel, or stupid. Nor are they harming their old reality/current reality body. And I do not want to hear the "you can't shift permanently without respawning" excuse. Yes, you can. Shifting your conscience has no time limit. It does not in any shape or form, in my mind, make sense logically that there is a time limit where your cr body, which shouldn't have control over you in another reality, just yeets you back.

Why does this community INSIST on just blocking respawners and giving them hate. I don't support it 100% right now, but what I'm saying is don't bash someone who needs your help?? Like I get the whole "I'm going to shift and my CR body will die right after I leave" is unsettling to a lot of people and many might be triggered by the topic. I get that. But ????? Y'all are TOXIC as hell to completely bash these people. (And if you haven’t then good for you ILY here’s a lolipop 💖🥺🍭.) Like??? Yes, you can verbally do that because it’s the internet. But should you, morally? In my opinion, no. If someone is saying they want to dispose of their body and you tell them they aren’t welcome to talk to you, then what the actually HELL.

( I get that someone randomly venting to you is frustrating and mentally draining which can cause worsened depression or a worsened mental state; always ask first before venting unless you need immediate help, kids. So to clarify, that’s not what I’m saying in this context. )

Don’t be a d*ck. Stop hating someone who may even need help. That’s TOXIC AS FUCK. I don’t CARE if you think it’s weird or gross. Belittling, excluding, bullying, etc is invalidating someone who could use information and support and that is DISGUSTANG. I DON’T CARE IF YOU DON’T LIKE WHAT I’M SAYING. Don’t hop on the majority train and stay there because you’re too afraid to voice a different opinion so now you’re going to be a d*ck. It’s not cute nor is it funny. As Michael Jordan said, “Stop it, get some help.” 

All I literally ask of anyone reading this is to validate those who you know nothing about. Talk, communicate, and reach out. If you feel uncomfortable with it, that’s fine. If you feel triggered by the topic then that is also fine and VALID. Just don’t be an ass to other people who might feel the same way.

Also as a closing and before I hear “I’ve never seen this issue, you’re just starting shit” kind of thing I will have you know IT DOES HAPPEN. Especially on amino and discord servers I have been on. It does happen. It needs to stop.

 Instead of bashing them and then saying they're wrong with no further explanation maybeeee you should try something more decent. For example you could explain to them what respawn is, the effects to those here, how it works, and avoid anything opinionated until they have the facts (I’m going to use facts as a loose term being that we are a small and new community and we still need more scientific backing or experiences to gain more insight). Also you should explain that YOU DONT NEED TO RESPAWN TO STAY IN YOUR DR PERMANETLY. A number one factor, that I have noticed, is they take the risk to respawn because someone failed to inform them that they didn’t need to kill themselves to stay in their DR permanently. Due to this, they take the risk because they would rather do it than ever come back to this reality which may not be kind to them at all. And that is a community failure. Instead of bashing someone who may need help, talk to them. Inform them. 

⚠️ALSO FYI some people respawn for spiritual aspects but right now I'm talking about the suicidial part of the respawn community so if you're a spiritual respawner I'm not talking about that, I'm just mentioning the other part. 🧍🏻‍♀️⚠️

[thompsborn]

Can I get 👉👈 a Flash centric one shot 👉👈 for the song shuffle thing 👉👈

you were good to me by jeremy zucker, chelsea cutler

leavin' isn't better than tryin'

growin', but i'm just growin' tired

now i'm worried for my soul

and i'm still scared of growin' old

you were good to me

and i'm so used to letting go

but i don't wanna be alone

you were good to me

god only knows where our fears go

hearts i've broke, now my tears flow

you'll see that i'm sorry

'cause you were good to me

you were good to me

[send me a character/ship/dynamic/etc. and i’ll put my music on shuffle and write a drabble/one shot based on the first song that plays!]

actually i’m gonna wait to take more shuffle song requests until after i finish the ones i still have in my drafts!!

-

i was debating how i wanted to approach this and then earlier today @peachy-keener sent me messages about flash x harley which i already lowkey shipped before but now,,,,,,,, But Now,,,,,, they live rent free in my brain. but this is flash centric!! this is less harleyflash and more PRE-harleyflash. also post endgame.

the ending is abrupt and not good but i genuinely cannot figure out how i want to move forward so that’s the end! that’s it!

(it isn’t stated explicitly, but peterxnedxmj)

-

tw: rough childhood implications for harley, descriptions of neglectful parenting and verbal abuse, cycle of abuse, getting kicked out of the house, loneliness. it’s a hopeful ending though!! even if it is abrupt and not very good!!

-

Flash meets Harley Keener after the worst morning of his entire fucking life.

They’re going back to school, because of fucking course they are—barely two weeks have passed since Flash reappeared on the steps leading up to MoMA, tripped over his own two feet in his haste to get a grip on his bearings, and prompty slips on a step and lands nose first into the concrete, a crunch filling his ears. The public hasn’t even gotten a full release about what the hell happened—just a basic press conference, where Steve Rogers, clad in stained sweatpants and with bags under his eyes, a side of him that the public has never seen, handed his shield over to a teary eyed Sam Wilson and promised transparency and honesty, the entire story from start to finish with nothing held back, as soon as they recovered enough to give it all.

Flash doesn’t want to go back to school, except for the fact that he definitely does, if only for the chance of semblance of normalcy.

Everything is different now, after the snap. Or, the re-snap—second snap, the return, the blip, whatever the hell people are calling it. He doesn’t care about what it ends up being called. He just knows that nothing is the same, now.

His sister wasn’t one of the ones who lived those five years, crumbled to ash (dust?)just like Flash did, and he despises the meer idea of Jesse staring down at her hands in terror while watching them disappear and him not being there to at least offer comfort, or something, but he’s selfishly grateful, as well. He didn’t miss a second of her growing up. She’s only thirteen to his sixteen, after all—had she lived, he would have come back to his baby sister being a year older than him, likely a completely different person, like all the shells of people he’s seen on the streets, shells that only ignite with life when they find the person they lost. Christ, Jesse could have been one of those shells.

Thinking about it makes shivers run down his spine, his stomach churn.. He hates it. He hates how close he was to losing that.

God, he hates them—his parents, or the sorry excuse of parents that they are. He hates that he’s coming back from being dead for five years to a step-mom and a step-dad, both of whom clearly despise the fact that they’re expected to help raise these two kids who are just lost and terrified and trying to adjust. They both moved to bigger houses—that are, at the very least, still in the same neighborhood and no more than a ten minute walk apart, making it a bit easier to handle when, inevitably, Flash gets shoved into his father’s care while Jesse is lovingly enveloped into their mother’s arms.

Their mother, who seemed to care at least a little bit beforehand—always kept bandaids and juice boxes in stock, just because he had a tendency of scraping his knee in elementary school and always wanted a juice box when he got home. Sometimes, she would brush fingers through his hair and promise that she loved him, even if she knew she was awful as showing it—even if she, willingly or not, would always love her daughter more. She had not loved him like a mother, no, but like someone who at least gave a shit about his general well being.

Something—well, again, everything—has changed since before, because his mom never even looks at him anymore, barely manages a glance in his general direction whenever he happens to be nearby, which has been a lot, because the custody battle—which, of course, his father paid great money to make a priority in the courts, and then blamed Flash for because of how far he had to dip into his wallet to make it happen—has taken most of the two weeks, even though it was that first day he was shoved into his father’s house, like they knew what they wanted, like it wasn’t going to be a battle until Flash and Jesse themselves spoke up about how much they didn’t want to be separated.

Of course. More things to blame Flash about.

Which his father—and his wife, Trudy—both do. Something they like to flaunt in his face at every hour of the day, like it isn’t bad enough that he put up a fight and still ended up separated from Jesse, like he isn’t about to go back to school with a still-healing broken nose and living in a house he doesn’t know in a room that was clearly never supposed to be his and—

He wakes up the day he’s supposed to go back to school and stares at an unfamiliar ceiling and none of the posters that he had up before he disappeared, an alarm clock that must have been invented while he was gone blaring obnoxiously in his ear. It immediately sets his teeth on edge, makes his shoulders tense.

Maybe, he hopes, school will be familiar.

But everything has changed.

The school, itself, isn’t completely different, of course—classes are where they’ve always been, even if the names on the desks have changed; bathrooms are still pretty gross and have that high school bathroom smell that, for the first time in existence, he’s kind of glad to come across, if only because it makes him feel like it’s still 2018 and he’s going to walk out the door and see faces that he actually know.

He opens the door and a tall blonde guy walks into it—nose first, of course, whips his head back with a yelp and brings a hand up to poke at his nostrils, looks down a moment later and frowns at the crimson shining on the tips of his fingers, and then looks up at Flash.

Instead of anger, he grins, all crooked and boyish, and says, “Hey, we match!”

“We...” Flash trails off, confused; this guy doesn’t even sound like a New Yorker. Has the normal New York accent changed, too? The dude sound souther, for fucks sake. “What?”

Bloody fingers point at Flash’s face—actually, really, at his nose, still bandaged. “That. Noses, y’know? Pretty sure that just broke mine, so—”

“Oh, god,” Flash groans, head dropping to his hands. “Please tell me you’re joking, man.”

Stupidly, the guy pokes at his nose again—this time, at the slightly noticable crook towards the end. He sucks in a sharp breath, winces, and says, “Well, it ain’t feelin’ all that great...”

Flash groans again. “Of fucking course I just broke someone’s fucking nose. Of course.”

��Uh...” The guy frowns, glancing down as a drop of blood falls on the tip of his shoe. “S’alright. You didn’t do it on purpose, so—”

Instantly, Flash chokes on a stupidly bitter laugh. “Not like that’ll matter,” he murmurs.

“So,” the guy goes on, either not hearing Flash’s interjection or choosing not to react to it, “I don’t see what the problem is, here.”

“Of course you don’t,” Flash says, laughing again. “No one—” he stops, brows furrowing as he shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter,” he says, shouldering his backpack with a sigh. “C’mon.”

The guy doesn’t follow when Flash starts walking. When he looks back, the guy is visibly confused. “Why am I following you to a random place, and why are you looking at me like I’m the one who’s being weird right now?”

“The office,” Flash says, instead of providing, like, a real answer. The guy looks even more lost, even looks over his shoulder like Flash is talking to someone else entirely. Flash sighs. “I just broke your nose, man. We have to go to the office so you can get it checked out and tell them what happened. Call home, too, probably, since you’re pretty sure it’s actually broken.”

The guy tilts his head. “We?”

Flash’s frown deepens into a grimace. “Yeah.”

“I think I’m a bit confused, here...”

Groaning once again, Flash gestures down the hallway, in the direction he had been trying to walk, and says, “We need to tell them—”

“That I walked into a door?”

“That I broke your nose!” Flash exclaims.

The guy crinkles his nose before immediately flinching and smoothening it out. “You opened a door. The door that broke my nose because I walked into it. That’s not your fault.”

Flash stares at him, beyond confused and borderline incredulous, but he’s also tired and he doesn’t know this guy or most of the people currently attending this school and his dad married a woman who hates him and his mom also apparently hates him now, too, and he’s living in a guest room that he knows was made specifically for Trudy’s parents to visit them and Jesse doesn’t like mom’s new husband (Flash doesn’t know his name; he wasn’t introduced to the guy and was always lost in his head whenever the judge occasionally brought it up during the custody ordeal) and she misses living together but she’s becoming less and less bitter every day, gushes about how much mom spoils her and peppers her face with kisses and cries while blubbering over how much she missed her and, Christ, no one missed him!

No one. No one wanted him to come back.

“Whatever,” he tells this stranger, no longer seeing the guy, no longer caring.

He doesn’t look back when he walks away.

-

Harley Keener—as Flash later learns, since he apparently has fifth period with the guy—is, of course, friends with Parker.

Parker, who Flash will never admit to admiring, will never vocalize how jealous he is of everything that Peter has, greets Harley with a small smile, and maybe, if Flash hadn’t instantly scoffed and looked away, he could have noticed the look of understanding and grief that the both of them wore.

Though, he can’t deny, seeing someone he actually knows makes things easier. Or, at least, it does for a few seconds, until he sees the way that Leeds is quiet, staring down at his hands a lot, looking at Parker like he’s looking at a gravestone, glancing at Jones, who is damn near stoic, with pain in his features. Until he notices all the ways that they’re different, too.

He sinks his teeth into his lower lip, tastes copper, and doesn’t pay attention to the teacher—who he doesn’t fucking know.

Nothing is the same, he thinks.

Not a single god damn thing.

-

Flash finishes his junior year with no friends, bimonthly weekend visits with his sister, and so much anger burning in his veins that he spits insults at anyone who crosses his path, people who don’t get it, who will never understand.

“You’re a fucking hick that’s probably here on scholarship,” Flash snarls when Harley tries to interfere a verbal beating of a random kid who looks like he isn’t old enough to drive just yet.

Harley’s eyes harden, and his nose—not as straight, now, as it once was, a constant reminder of the break that healed just a little bit wrong—crinkles. He looks conflicted about the situation, and Flash knows that Harley has, for the past few months, been nothing but a kind stranger that tries to talk to Flash in the halls, who always asks how he is and how his day is going and doesn’t even deflate when Flash acts like it’s a hinderance, because Flash doesn’t know how to accept kindness, to react when someone seems to give a shit about him.

Jesse cares—loves him, of course. But Jesse is making friends at her school, and she’s adapting in a way that Flash can’t seem to do.

Harley is a person, a random person, who shows interest whenever he has the opportunity to talk to Flash. Who acts like, maybe, he might kind of care, too.

“Do you think anyone gives a shit about you?” Flash asks—seeing Harley’s face in front of him, sure, but his words are directed at only himself, unable to accept the idea of a stranger caring about him. “You’re nothing,” he says. “You don’t fucking matter, alright? No one fucking cares!”

And then, Parker—in a blur of motion, something awful and protective battling on his face—is standing between them. His teeth are bared like an animal, eyes burning, as he spits out, “Do not talk to him like that.”

“Peter,” Harley tries, voice weak.

Having none of it, apparently, Parker ignores his protest, tells Flash, who is shellshocked by seeing Peter genuinely furious for the first time since tripping him in the halls as freshman, “I don’t give a shit what you say to me, Flash, I’ve put up with it for years, but you do not talk like that to—to anyone else, but especially not to one of the only family members I have left!”

A wounded noise rumbles from Harley’s throat, but Flash—Flash is furious. Because, really, at least Parker has people—he has an aunt who is a better parent than either of his have ever been, friends who are so loving and protective that it feels like they’re in love with the guy ninety-nine percent of the time, and Harley, too? Harley, who has tears in his eyes and Flash doesn’t know if it’s because of his words or Peter’s, who reaches forward and yanks Peter back towards him. “Peter,” he says again, more forcefully now. “It’s fine, dude. Let’s just go.”

Parker sets his jaw and glares at Flash like his life depends on it. Flash, of course, decides to open his fucking mouth and says, “Sure, just go back to people who probably hate you—”

He doesn’t know where he’s going with that, but he doesn’t get the chance to before Ned fucking Leeds steps in front of him and swings.

He starts summer with another broken nose.

Sure, he deserves it—but it sucks, nonetheless.

-

At the start of senior year, Harley approaches him and, for some reason, apoligizes

“What?” Flash says—the only that that comes to mind, sometimes standalone, sometimes followed by an even more incredulous the fuck?

“M’sorry,” Harley repeats. “Pete shouldn’t’ve yelled at you like that, and Ned—Christ Almighty, he’s a sweetheart, but him and Michelle would do anything for Pete, and when they thought you were sayin’ that shit to him, there wasn’t nothin’ that could’ve stopped ‘em.”

Flash frowns. “Dude... what the fuck?”

Harley mirrors his frown, tilts his head to the side. “What? Am I not makin’ sense?”

“You’re apologizing,” Flash says. “To me.”

Slowly, Harley nods. “Yeah, I am.”

Flash shakes his head. “Why?”

“‘Cause you weren’t sayin’ that shit to me and Pete, that’s why,” Harley answers, almost matter of fact and simple. “I know it.” All Flash can manage to do is shake his head again, not understanding what the hell Harley is talking about, until Harley glances away, brings a hand up to scratch nervously at the back of his neck, and murmurs, “I mean... I get what it’s like, saying somethin’ about someone else that you really mean about yourself... y’know?”

He doesn’t have any semblance of control when his features go blank, when his shoulders are drawn up, defensive, disbelieveing. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

Harley smiles. He smiles. “Yeah, I know what it’s like to play stupid, too. Seriously—I get it.”

No one gets it, Flash thinks.

He doesn’t say it. Or anything, really.

All he does is walk away.

-

He walks away later that day, when Harley tries to approach him. He turns tail and bolts the second he sees blond hair in the distance, whether it’s Harley or not—does this for days, and then weeks, and then—

And then Harley stops trying to approach him.

Flash doesn’t get why that fact makes him heavy, his brain a taunting repetition of knew that no one cared, knew it, knew it, knew it.

Oddly enough, it hurts more than usual.

-

He graduates.

No one is in the crowd for him—his mother planned a vacation with her husband (still nameless, since Flash doesn’t care enough to learn it anyway) and Jesse that just so happened to line up with graduation. Trudy and Harrison stopped acknoledging him entirely a few months after he came back, unless out of absolute necessity and usually with scathing commentary that burn every single time.

A few people clap for him—and he knows, once he sees that it’s Harley and Peter and Ned and Michelle, that he doesn’t deserve it.

Too nice, all of them. Acting like they give a shit.

Always too damn nice.

-

It hits him, after he gets kicked out.

Hits him, suddenly, how badly he fucked it all up. How he took an opportunity that he didn’t deserve and pushed it away. Harley had wanted to be friends, had cared, whether Flash understood why or not, and Flash had been awkward and unsure and ruined everything.

He sits on the curb with a suitcase. Only one, because it’s all he had time to pack before being shoved harshly onto the streets.

Though he wants to, he doesn’t cry.

-

It’s a miracle that the number hasn’t changed.

It’s an even bigger miracle that Harley, apparently, never deleted his number after what happened, after obtaining it only because he had prompted Flash about wanting to join the Decathlon team and asked if he could text him questions about it later that day, before—

Well. Before, but after. Before Flash destroyed what he didn’t even gave, but after everything shifted, changed, began to hurt.

Miraculous doesn’t even begin to describe the slightly hopeful tone when Harley answers and, without hesitating, asks, “Flash? You there?”

Doesn’t deserve it—god, Flash should be getting spat on right now—but he needs it, now more than ever. Holding his phone tighter, he stammers out a shaky, “Y-Yeah.”

“What’s wrong?”

Maybe his voice gave it away. Maybe the fact that he’s reaching out at all. Maybe Harley just knows. Flash isn’t sure the how about it, only able to focus on making his tongue cooperate with him as he breathes out a broken kind of, “I’m sorry, I—about everything, but I—I have no one else to call and you were—the only one, y’know, who was—who was nice to me—”

There’s a faint jingle. “Where are you?”

“I don’t know,” Flash whispers, trying to blink through the tears that suddenly fill his eyes, swallowing roughly. “I just—I started walking, once it hit that I didn’t know where I should go, and I—fuck, I shouldn’t have called.”

“‘ey,” Harley says, tone—firm, angry. “I dunno what you’re thinkin’, but I’m the best person you could have called. I’m on my way, okay?”

Flash closes his eyes. “You shouldn’t.”

“Well,” Harley says, “I’m not turnin’ around.”

-

He doesn’t cry.

He doesn’t, untill Harley steps out of a car wearing pajama pants and a sweatshirt that’s inside out. Then, of course, he sobs.

Then, of course, Harley cares, like he never should have, and hugs Flash.

Jesse is the only person who has ever hugged him. His mother, almost, when he was really young, but—but no one else. No one.

In Harley’s arms, he melts.

[twdmusicboxmystery]

10x09: Squeeze - First Thoughts

Hey Everyone! How did you all like 10x09? I loved it! Thought it was fabulous. As per usual, today I’ll just give you some broad, first thoughts. Tomorrow I’ll do details and TTD. After that, I have some predictions. My peeps and I have been discussing what the spoilers told us all week and I have lots of connections to make. So, stay tuned.

***As always, spoilers abound for 10x09 below. Don’t click the ‘Read More’ until you’ve watched! You’ve been warned!***

The first thing that caught my eye was a weird thing Daryl did with a walker hand. A walker grabs Kelly’s leg and is trying to pull her down off the rock and Jerry steps in and cuts the walker’s arm off. Then Daryl asks if he can have the arm. 

Then…it just disappears. I actually re-wound that scene because I thought I missed something. It’s a right hand, btw. (Beth’s cast was on her right hand.) But from what I could tell, Daryl was carrying the walker arm/hand and a flashlight. The next shot (like 2 seconds later) both are gone and he’s carrying a torch. I’m thinking maybe he used the hand to prop up the flashlight so others behind him had light to see by or something. But again, we don’t see what he does with it. Or where/when the torches get lit. So, it’s weird. But there’s a tie to Beth and the fact that it just disappeared. And perhaps the light has something to do with it as well. There are lots of bathroom references in this episode. Some are gross. Can I just say…the whole Alpha/Negan thing is extremely cringe-worthy. *shudders* But even before that, he goes to talk to her when she’s at the latrine. He even makes a butt joke. Then she threatens to cut off his balls and kicks him into the latrine. Ewww.

I didn’t think much about it during that scene, but then Jerry makes a bathroom reference as well (but much less gross). He’s having a hard time crawling through the tiny passages in the cave and Aaron asks if he’s okay. He says something like, “I’m just a 6’2” dude who used to have a hard time fitting in airplane bathrooms. Why wouldn’t everything be alright?” When he said that, it occurred to me how many bathroom references they have in this episode. And we don’t actually see any toilet paper or anything, but the verbal references are there.

For those who don’t remember, we’ve seen a subtle bathroom motif around these kinds of scenes. Weird, I know, but it’s there. Back in S4, when Rick escapes the Claimer house, he does so through a window in the bathroom. Before that, when Carl is exploring the pudding house and loses his shoe, we have a walker that comes out of the bathroom and tries to get him. Carl shoots it in the head—same place Beth is shot—and the walker jumps back up again. So once again, this motif is there and very entangled with Beth symbolism. I definitely felt there were callbacks to Coda in Daryl and Carol’s conversation. Carol says she doesn’t want to just kill Alpha. She wants to torture her and make her beg for forgiveness and THEN kill her. 

It reminded me of Daryl killing Dawn after Beth was shot. And the way Daryl just kind of stares at his hands and nods, I think he must have been thinking of that. And I remember Norman talking about that moment in an interview. He said Daryl might have gone into full murder-mode, killing everyone in the hallway, if Carol hadn’t put her hand on his arm right then and stopped them. Only after she does that does he drop his gun and look down at Beth and cry. So during the scene in this episode, after Carol says that about Alpha, Daryl replies, “If I’d been through what you’ve been through, I’d probably feel the same way. Unless you stopped me.” That simply has to be a reference to Coda. Um…there are long stretches of this episode where the group is literally crawling through dark tunnels. Daryl is always out ahead with a light, so they are crawling through the darkness and toward the light. There’s even a part where Carol starts to have a claustrophobic fit and Daryl says, “come toward my light.” Carol says, “I can’t.” Which is very telling about her state of mind. Though eventually, she does get through.

I’ll talk more about this Daryl-is-the-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel theme later in the week. I think it’s very important. At one point, Jerry gets stuck and some walkers are behind him, gnawing on his feet. They don’t actually bite him because they don’t get through his boots, but the camera focused on his shoes several times. So foot/shoe reference. Again, more on that in my details post tomorrow.

Let’s talk about the spoilers themselves.  I’m feeling very suspicious about the bird cage spoilers. It’s one of those things that was weirdly specific and not really emphasized in the episode. 

We definitely get a clear shot of the bird cage, but the camera just pans over it. There’s no actual mention of canaries or even that this is a mine. Maybe we’re supposed to glean that from the cage and the dynamite, but honestly, it might have all just been put there by the Whisperers. So I feel like this is one of those times it’s kind of apparent these spoilers might have been reported by AMC itself, and they want us to understand certain details that aren’t actually referenced in the episode.

There were other things that visually reminded me of Beth stuff. The episode did feel a lot like Consumed to me. When Carol fell and Daryl came to get her, it reminded me of Beth falling down the elevator shaft. And given the explosion when the mine caved in, it’s obvious why they would think Connie and Magna are dead. I mean, it was a pretty big explosion. If they’d been at the mouth of the exit when it happened, I’m sure they’d have both died. Only because they ran back in a little ways to fight Whisperers did they survive. There’s probably something symbolic in that. And this may sound really morbid, but even the way the debris and dust exploded kind of reminded me of the way the blood exploded from Beth’s head. So, I’m definitely feeling the parallels here.

We do see Connie and Magna very briefly. For me, it’s obvious that they’re showing us that they survived the blast. After it happens, we get a half-second shot of them turning around inside and then rocks sort of fall over the camera. So it’s like they’re watching their escape route disappear, but we don’t actually see any debris falling on them. So it’s obvious to me that they’re alive, but just trapped. And of course they could technically still die via walker, Whisperer, or just no food/water. It was emphasized several times that the group is very low on food and water, so that was a real concern for them. But the short of it is that we do see that they are okay inside.

I loved it when Daryl and Carol talked about not always telling each other everything. It came from the fact that Daryl told everyone Carol was claustrophobic and she was genuinely surprised he knew that about her. I think this is them acknowledging that they don’t talk about everything to one another, but also that, even though they don’t, the other one still knows.

So, I think it’s a way of pointing out that Daryl has never talked to anyone about Beth. Carol has also never talked to anyone about Lizzie and Mica (that we know of) or about Henry. Or about Sam. And it occurs to me that we know, via Henry, that she talked to Zeke about Ed and how abusive he was, but we’ve never been told that she talked to him about her lost children. To be fair, Daryl never talked to anyone about Denise, either, or anyone else he’s lost. But I think the emphasis here is also that the two of them (Daryl and Carol), because they’re so similar, can look at one another and know what the other one isn’t saying.

Maybe it seems fairly obvious on the surface. I mean, for anyone who looked at Daryl digging Denise’s grave, and stopping mid-shovelful to drink hard liquor, it’s obvious that this man is in an immense deal of pain. But the point is, even when he doesn’t tell her stuff, Carol still knows him well enough to understand what he’s going through, and vice versa.

It’s why she gave him Beth’s knife and wouldn’t let him go off on his own much during Them. And now the tables are turned. Just because Carol doesn’t talk to him about stuff, Daryl still looks at her and knows she’s not right in the head. Once again, the problem is that they don’t know how to heal each other. Carol isn’t responding to Daryl any more than he responded to her in Them or Twice as Far. At one point in this episode, he even says (and I paraphrase) “I want to be there for you, but I don’t know what else to do.”

I also think this may be a tongue-in-cheek way of the writers telling us to read between the lines. It’s almost kind of the “what cannot be seen” theme, except it’s “what is not being spoken.” 

The last thing I’ll say is that the final scene with Daryl and Carol is very sad. I don’t think spoilers mentioned this but Daryl actually breaks down and starts crying. Like, a lot. I’m sure there will be drama in the fandom over this scene. The Carylers will, of course, say it’s because he’s in love with Carol and she’s being destructive. Others will say it’s because he’s in love with Connie.

Honestly, I think it was a little of both. (I mean both because of Carol and Connie, not because he’s in love with either of them.) My first impression was that he was just crying because Carol was crying. He points an accusatory finger at her first, so he’s obviously angry and blaming her. But when someone you know well breaks down, it always kind of makes you break down too, and I think there’s an element of that in it. Like, it’s just a sad situation and he’s sort of sympathizing with her.

But I also think it’s because Carol’s break down him to face the idea that Connie might be dead. Before she started crying and telling him to say it was her fault, he was sort of in his determined, I’m-gonna-figure-this-out Daryl mode. I think it made him stop and realize that Carol thinks Connie is dead and she might well be (from his point of view) so he cried because of that too. Again, just a very sad, poignant scene. I’ll stop there for now. Details coming tomorrow. Overall, I really thought this was a great episode. What did you think? 

[homestuckisautistic]

Epilogue Summary: Meat Part 2 (26-44)

OH BOY GET STRAPPED IN FOR THIS CLUSTERFUCK

26. Narratordirk is trying to convince Jade not to go through the black hole but..im guessing dead godtier Calli? Wont let him. Because shes still muse of space.

27. Calli is narrating too now and switches back to Earth C Jade

...O-oh. God tier Calliope is possessing Jade. They're basically calling Dirk out in how hes threatening all of reality with this epilogue.

-Living Calli can sense their other self in Jade and its scares them so bad they run

-Dirks text keeps getting smaller, hes being pushed out

28. In what is quite possibly the most ooc piece if writing yet, John says Monty Python sucks.

-ugh it talks alot about John finding Terezi cute

-Also shes starving. Like, literally ill

29. Jane uses trickster mode to give presidential campaign speeches ??

-Oh oof...theres this whole monologue on how it definitely isnt problematic and how shes respectful of those who think it is even though theyre very very wrong

-JANE: To imply that I am superciliously and recklessly stoking potentially dangerous cultural fires is honestly an insult.

JANE: I am guilty of only one crime: energizing my base!

-Oh lord jake fucks

-SO. Jane wants to publicise how he fucks trolls, and show that as bad, but refuses to acknowedge how racist that is.

-Honestly its wild how they think using the word xenophobic rather than racist somehow gives an edge if humor. Its the same fucking thing.

30. Ahshsjak Jane owns the internet

-Dirk straight up admits to puppeteering jake

-Jake agrees to back Karkat

31. Terezi seems intent in eating the entire contents of Johns dads wallet. Fucking superb you funky little gremlin

-God theyre really pushing the johnrezi. Shes actually being vunerable with him

-Apparently Terezi has really thick, feminine eyelashes. Thanks for making me want to shave my eyes

-Oh sweet jegus they kiss and WAIT DID THEY ALSO FUCK

Gross

32 uuugh Dirk keeps misgendering Roxy and basically says hes allowed to because nobody can hear him

-Daves talking about being not straight

-Oh so this is the Transphobe Dirk chapter

-Hes also straight up planning to assassinate jake

-Trolls are allergic to onions

-Psyche at the last second he fires a tranq at possessed Jade, forcing god Calli out so he can control the narrative again

33. I. Uhh. Yeah johnrezi fucked. Terezi likes it rough apparently

-"1 G1V3 UP ON VR1SK4" hmm.

-She agrees to let John try and retcon them home

34. Dirknators just abusing Jake verbally and makes him be in love with him

35. John zaps Terezi back to Earth C but hes dying, when English bit him he got poisoned with something thats erasing him from existence

-Dirks shitting on fans again

-Calliope and roxy knew john would die if he fought english

-...huh. Yeah, John legit dies.

-Terezi fucking capchalogues his corpse

36. I fucking hate this interpretation of Dirk

-Jane wins the election

-Jade has been in a comma for a month

-About Kanaya "The woman is obviously hysterical and needs to chill the fuck out. I mean, she’s hysterical because I’ve been specifically and deliberately causing her to be that way, sure." jesus fucking christ

-Dirk consistantly misgenders Roxy while acting "woke" about them presenting masculine enough that Terezi mistook them for Dave

-Calli refuses to leave the house and is painting weird gorey shit in the walls?

-Oh Roxy is using he now. And it seems Terezi is aware of dirknator because she calls him out

-Yeah shes talking to him directly now and hes trying to talk her into leaving again

37. So Dirk is kidnapping Rose to become a god,not telling her that Kanaya doesn't know, and brainwashing Kanaya to accept it

-Oh no you fucking bastard

-Hes making Kanaya believe Rose is abandoning her because Kanaya isnt good enough for her

-Yeah this is what pushed me over the fucking edge with this clusterfuck

38- he basically gives dave the go ahead to be an alcoholic

-Oh he draws the line at making people fuck. Oh well isnt that just so high and noble of him what a fucking saint he wont do a rape. Eat my ass

-Oh yeah no hes 100% comfortable with doing it apparently but dave can sense hes being puppeteed and resists it

-Davekat is canon i guess. Thanks for doing it in the most insulting and condescending way possible.

39. Jakes broken by dirk obcession but if course he doesnt give a shit

-Im skimming at this point because if the writers dont care about the narrative then why should i

40. Kanaya uses an antidote leeft by dirk to wake jade up

41. Another godamn ramble about how dirk accepts he's the villain but is right anyway

42. Okay I took a days break im feelin a little clearer

-jade unbrainwashes Kanaya and Kan is FUCKING PISSED

-Ghost Calli possesses Jade again, Dirk is getting ready to leave

43- the gang prepares to go after Dirk with Calli protecting their narrative...the end i guess? Fuck

Theres one final scene of the Jade that got sucked into the black home, with Aradia. She has new powers, and looks like she does when possessed. She summons a Dave robot through a wormhole she has just created, then passes through it with him and Aradia.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #158

nsfw warning, there’s quite a lot of sexual questions in this one.

Where was the very first kiss you had with the last person you kissed? My back porch. Do you have a best friend?  If you don't count Sara, no. As a kid, did you ever get in trouble for drawing on the wall?  No. What are your #1 priorities in life?  My mental health. Have you ever had your mouth washed out with soap as a kid?  Been threatened with it, but no. Do you believe in a lot of conspiracies?  The only one off the top of my head that I believe may have some credence is the "our world is a simulation" theory.  It sounded ridiculous to me before I learned more about it.  If you're into this stuff, I totally recommend reading about it, it truly is interesting.  I lean more towards that it's false, but.  Possible. Being told to eat more is as offensive as being told to eat less?  Hm, not sure.  I guess it depends on the situation the person is in. Have you ever seen a ghost?  I believe so. What emotion are you most likely to hide?  Jealousy. Explain why you last ‘had to lie’.  Because I knew she'd be mad if I told her the truth, she called me out and I sincerely apologized, told her why I lied, and, as expected, was mad about it. (: Feeling guilty about anything?  Not really. Have you ever been through a phase of thinking emo guys were hot?  That phase never ended lmao. How old does someone have to be to be officially an ‘adult’ to you?  18. Anything you find gross that no one else does?  Probably... but nothing's coming to me.  Oh, actually ear gauges. ^ what about attractive?  Well I know some people hate most piercings besides ears. Have you ever dated someone that could play an instrument?  Well Girt played in high school band, but I doubt he still knows how to play. What makes you nervous?  Um everything????? Weirdest picture you’ve ever taken of yourself?  Who the hell even knows, but probably those pictures I took with Summer years back. Any bridges near where you live?  I mean, no *big* ones.  But I mean bridges are everywhere? Do you have a Gameboy?  Yeah, old as fuck. What do you do when you feel alone?  Most likely talk to Sara. Have you ever traveled by train?  No. Do you have a dirty mind?  Not especially. Ever had to have someone help you walk before?  Yes, after I fainted or when I've been very dizzy. Ever been kicked out of anywhere?  No. Do you truly HATE anyone?  Not anyone I personally know, but like rapists, abusive people, etc. Most historical/famous landmark/building you’ve been to in your country?  No clue. How long does it take you to apply your makeup?  It depends on what I'm putting on, but not too long regardless. Favorite flavor for most things?  Strawberry or chocolate, depending on what it is. Do you care what people you don’t know think about you?  Maybe a bit too much. Ever taken pictures in a photobooth? Who with?  Yeah, friends, ex-boyfriend. When was the last time your computer had to be repaired?  Now lol.  I've been using my sis's old one for months. Do you know how to knit? If so, do you do it often?  No. Have you ever flown before? If not, do you ever intend to?  Yesss, learned to love it.  If I have the window seat. How annoying are your neighbors?  The old woman to the left is super nice, according to Mom.  Don't know much about the ones to the right, other than my initial judgment is kinda negative just because of how they kept filthy yard sale shit in the front yard for literally months.  It's probably very shallow to judge over that, but like.  It doesn't make you look very good to keep couches and such sitting out in the elements with the intent for someone to actually buy that. Have you bought anyone their Christmas presents yet?  No. What are three of your favorite songs to sing?  Hmmm, not sure.  Lately I guess "This Is The House That Doubt Built" by AD2R, "High Hopes" by P!ATD, aaaand.  I should know this.  I sing in the car quite a lot lately.  OH maybe "LA Devotee" also by P!ATD, Brendon's just great to sing along with. What is your favorite ride at the fair?  Ahhh ferris wheels.  But I also love carousels my fat ass will still ride them. Would you ever marry someone who was lower class?  I usually delete purely stupid questions, but????  Honestly fuck you if that's a deciding factor???????  Work together to climb out of the lower class, the fuck?????????????? What color is your recliner?  We don't have one. Who do you write letters to the most?  I don't really write letters, but I've sent Sara a few lovey-dovey notes. Who is a singer that has given you chills?  Amy Lee. Do you get carsickness?  No. Which style of wedding dress is your favorite?  BALLGOWN. What’s a good boy’s name that starts with the same letter as yours?  The name that immediately came to mind is Bryson. Name 5 things you don’t believe in.  Horoscopes, soulmates, tarot cards/fortune telling, prayer doing absolutely anything, and the fucking outrageous anti-vaxxers.  A fucking disease that hasn't been seen in forever came back recently because of their bullshit.  Vaccinate your damn kids, for the love of god. If you had all the money you needed and didn’t have to work, what would you do to fill your time?  T R A V E L Do you ever get nervous about where your future is headed or are you just going with the flow?  Both.  Don't know which I lean more towards. Have you ever received a hickey from the last person you kissed?  No. Have you ever held hands with the same sex?  Yes. What is your mom saved as in your phone?  "mama bear." Ever made out in a pool?  Maybe very briefly??  I don't remember. Do you change your phone background a lot?  Nah. Have you ever made someone so mad that they broke something?  No. Do you tend to fall for people who don’t return your feelings? History says not usually. Who is someone you aspire to be like? Does anyone??????  Who reads these?????????  Not know??????????????????????? Do you believe in fate? No.  You make it.  What would honestly be the point of living if fate was true?  You're just walking through a story instead of writing it. Do you believe that humans are inherently good or evil? I lean more towards mostly good, judging by how we have a natural conscience. What turns you on? VERBALLY EXPRESSING YOU LOVE ME, sarcasm wars, "make me"/that kind of shit, playfighting, do not grab my hips or it's over, neck kisses, lip bites. What is your favorite type of foreplay?  Don't play with my boobs or it's also over. Do you believe in the death penalty?  For extreme offenses like rape and murder with no sign of guilt or wanting to heal, fuck yes I do.  I'm not even sure if you should give them a chance at rehabilitation. Do you use sex toys? By yourself or with a partner, or both?  No, but being with a girl now, I would. Have you ever done role-play?  Not irl/sexually because FUCKING AWKWARD, but I'm a serious forum meerkat RPer, in other words it's not a silly/playing around thing, but literally writing a story with others. Favorite sex position? If you’re a virgin, which position interests you? Uhhh no clue of the name, but probably where I'm pretty much sitting on his lap with my legs around him. Favorite dessert?  Hmmmm probably cake. What quote or mantra do you live by? Mark's "life hard, shouldn't you be too?" because it's the best inspirational innuendo I've ever heard. Where is the craziest place you’ve ever done it? Uh I guess the floor, nothing really notable. Do you judge people for what they wear or how they express themselves? It depends.  Definitely not by what they wear.  If how you're expressing yourself is harmful to others, yes, I will judge you. What was the best orgasm you’ve ever had? I've never had one.  I was right on the verge once, but panicked and stopped because I was actually kinda fearful with how extreme it felt.  And my family was home so I was worried about crying out. Do you shave or trim your pubic hair?  Trim a bit, yes, but I don't pay much mind to it. Have you ever/would you ever do anal? Nononono noooot into anything going up my ass. Biggest sexual fantasy?  Don't really have one. What’s more important- length or width?  Why?  I'd imagine length because depth, but I've only done one guy, so I wouldn't really know.  There are so many dirty questions in this one. What are you known for by your friends and family? The meerkat-obsessed, very reclusive and quiet weird one. What is a dish you are dying to try?  Nothing, really. What political affiliation do you associate yourself with?  Independent.  I'm such a mix. What is the worst experience you’ve ever had with food? Diarrhea to the point of blood AT MY GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE FOR MY FIRST STAY after I tried a way rarer steak than I enjoy.  My stomach is seeeensitive to "different" food. Do you talk dirty during sex? Not very much, I'm shy. My relationship with my siblings: Not real impressive.  I'm not as close as I wish I was to any of them. My relationship with my parents:  Good.  Mom is everything. What I find attractive in girls:  I will find good tattoos attractive on.  Anyone.  ESPECIALLY SLEEVES. Favorite video game series?  Silent Hill. Favorite video game hero?  Spyro.  Duh.  I'm getting a small and adorable tat of him some day. Favorite video game villain?  Pyramid Head, if you consider him a "villain." Favorite video game boss?  Hmmm as far as fighting goes, most likely Avion from SotC.  Phalanx is my favorite in general, but getting on it two-three times is so tedious. Least favorite video game boss? I hate the Cenobia fight also in SotC so much.  Takes forfuckingever to get its armor off, anyone who's played that game knows the amount of flailing/losing your grip is horrendous, and if it knocks you down once you're most likely fucked. Do you like t-shirts with text on them?  Yesyesyes I'm a sucker for geeky graphic tees. Have you ever had foreign candy?  I don't believe so. What’s a candy that you absolutely can’t stand?  Twizzlers. Is there any piece of technology you want to buy?  PS4, drawing tablet, new phone. When is the last time you bled?  Now because being a woman is fun. Would you rather use hand soap or hand sanitizer?  Soap.  Feel cleaner. How many video games do you own?  Lots. Have you ever been to a casino? If so, which one(s)?  No. Have you ever visited a sex shop?  No. Have you ever had a scary encounter with a wild animal?  No. What do you normally do while waiting for your food or drink to arrive?  Talk to those with me. Describe one of your most emotional farewells.  Me and Jason's final talk. How have your tastebuds changed since you were a child?  Used to love peas.  Hated mashed potatoes.  I was crazy about Sprite, now I hate it.  I'm sure there's more. Who was the last person you cried in front of?  Mom. What was the worst mistake of your life?  Letting someone be my whole world. If you were pregnant, would your parents make you keep the baby?  Um, no????  I'm an adult???????  I would only keep it if my life wasn't endangered though.  And even then I wouldn't wanna be and the child would be put up for adoption. Have you ever donated blood?  Yes. Have you ever been to SeaWorld?  As a child, yes.  Would never go again because it's fucking animal cruelty. Do you like avocados?  asdkjfaowj no. Is your Facebook profile private?  Yes. Do you remember your locker combinations from high school?  I didn't have a locker in high school, but middle school, nope. Who were your best friends in high school?  Jason if you count s/os, Hannia, and Girt. Who was your first boyfriend or girlfriend? Aaron was the first with the title. What insects are you afraid of?  Get roaches away from me.  And beetles. Who was your first best friend (apart from a sibling)? Brianna. What was your favorite thing to do at sleepovers when you were younger? Hm, I dunno.  I guess just talk and play together. What time of day were you born?  Noon. What is the best hairstyle you've ever had?  I like what I have now I tell you hwat. Do you think you look better with dyed hair or natural hair?  DYED. Do you think your look better with curly hair or straight hair? Straight. Do you think you look better with bangs or without? Everyone looks better without bangs tbh. Do you think you look better with long hair or short? Short. When you look at your baby pictures, do you recognize yourself?  Not always. What is your favorite thing to do in the pool? Swim around. Cacti or seashells?  Ohhh that's hard.  I think seashells, but if you include all succulents, them. Dreamcatcher or wind chimes? Dreamcatchers. Have you ever taken a picture at the perfect moment? Hmmm maybe? What color(s) eyeshadow do you wear the most? Black is all I wear. Beyonce vs Rihanna? Probably Beyonce?  She has a better voice to me, dunno whose songs I like more. What’s your favorite horror movie? Both of the The Blair Witch Project movies. Would you say you have a high sex drive or not so much?  I'd say it's pretty average.  I've noticed leading up to my period though I'm usually a horny mess. How do you feel about swallowing pills? Doesn't bother me.  I do throw my head back if it's a larger one, though. What animal is the scariest in your opinion?  Hmmm.  Probably the most dangerous animal, surprisingly the hippo.  They charge fast and suddenly and those teeth are fatal.  Now if I saw a hippo and I was far from it, I wouldn't be too concerned because I believe if you keep your distance they're good, I wouldn't be too scared.  Fear on sight though... probably sharks?  Quick and so toothy, plus they might mistake you for prey.  I'm aware how rare shark attacks are, but I still wouldn't be out in the open with one.  Visually scary, giant squids are just a big 'ole nope. A band or an artist you liked when you were younger, but not so much anymore.  Ummm... I dunno.  Probably something pop.  Or country (I know right, surprising). Come with an unpopular opinion.  Don't spank your fucking kids.  You're teaching them hitting others is sometimes the answer, gg. What’s fake about you? Like extensions, fake nails, botox etc.  Nothing. What’s considered cheating in your opinion?  As soon as you're flirting in a clearly non-playful way. What about favorite person to stalk on Instagram?  Mark, who knew. What’s the cheesiest thing you’ve ever experienced irl? Idk. Something you feared as a kid but don’t anymore? Needles.  The first time I understood I was getting my blood drawn, I deadass bolted, screaming and crying, to hug a pillar thing.  Multiple people had to help Mom to pull me away from it lmao.  Then when it actually happened, I was just asked, "... That's it?" Who was your favorite teacher in high school? Coach Collie. What are five of your favorite stores at the mall?  HotTopic, Spencer's, I would love Victoria's Secret if I wasn't a FAT FUCK, and that's... like it. What is the best gift you have ever given someone?  I'unno. What is the best gift you have ever received?  My dog. Has anyone ever spread lies about you? Jason's ex spread a rumor we had a baby.  Even though it was obvious through all of high school I was never pregnant???? Do you have an alarm system on your house?  No. Who do you tend to get in fights with the most? Mom, as far as people still in my life. Would you prefer a small, intimate wedding proposal, or a big-scale, over-the-top proposal?  The former, definitely. Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? No. Have you ever gotten rid of something you shouldn't have and then really regretted it later?  Not really regretted. What's the best pizza place in your town? Domino's is Daddy. Which planet is your favorite, besides earth?  Saturn! Have you ever seen a double rainbow?  Ye. Did you win any scholarships as a senior in high school?  No, I don't believe so. Skeletons or scarecrows? s k e l l y  b o y s Do you like candy corn? Omg no. What seasonal candy do you think is gross? ^ What's one social media site that you're not on? Snapchat. What is your favorite wild animal?  Meerkats.

[phantomauthor]

hoo boy here goes

cw: abuse mentions

Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with?

nnnnope! no siblings and no close family outside his immediate family

What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like?

as a child it was really rocky, as his father wasn’t. the Greatest and she took her frustrations out on him in the form of verbal abuse. after he had gone to live in america for a year and came back, she had gotten better and their relationship started to get better. currently it’s still not great as you can’t really, grow past abuse, but, it’s better than before. he relies on her and loves her still but there’s always that feeling of hurt.

What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?

not. good. his father was extremely abusive to both him and his mom, physically, verbally, emotionally, etc. after moving to america and living with just his dad for a year, it stayed almost the same and turned jamie around completely from how he was before. so his dad is not, exactly on great terms with him

Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know?

the....fourth or fifth murder in the game is what really got to him i think. from a “eh this will be over with soon” to just “oh. this is serious.” kind of mood and it does Not make him feel good. he tries to keep this under covers since he does have an image to maintain, but who knows if others have picked up on this.

On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?

his phone, a pack of cigarettes, and a lighter. if he’s going out to the store you’ll find a wallet in there with his money and school id and whatever ids else you can find there.

Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams?

not really? he tends to have those kind of weird dreams where everything is a wild ride though

Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares?

a lot of them have to do with being unseen unless he does something extravagant. as of late he’s been having many dreams of him in other people’s bodies finding himself/his mom/candy dead, and not caring about it.

Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target?

nope!

Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up?

nope! he’s always been pretty well off, around the upper middle class.

Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing?

more clothing.

In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?

he’s had, several near death situations in a variety of ways. bad abuse from partners, accidents, depression, and the killing game. outside of death he doesn’t really have any fears, so any time he feels like he’s about to it scares him to near death (lol).

In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been?

he’s EXTREMELY calm around candy, the calmest i think would have to be when he could just, lay with her and sleep next to her.

Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?

heck no he loves blood and gore

Does your character remember names or faces easier?

he remembers faces easier! names he tends to forget

Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not?

not..exactly? he grew up well off so he hasn’t had any hardships but he also wasn’t super rich and doesn’t exactly have interests so it’s not too hard to avoid that.

Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success?

happiness

What was your character’s favorite toy as a child?

i like to think he had cat stuffed animal that he carried around

Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?

wisdom. he’s a sapiosexual

What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

platonic relationships, he doesn’t know how to exactly, talk to people. he’s never really had friends and his one friend he made on complete accident (invited her to live with him on accident, she took it up, they grew close and suddenly were friends), so he doesn’t know WHAT to do to be appealing to speak to. candy is generally okay with this as she’s not great with it either and their relationship was built on trust and compassion more than speaking. romantic relationships he can’t stay loyal as he gets bored extremely easily. it’s really hard to get to what actually keeps him interested in someone and this. ruins a lot of relationships and causes rumors quite often

In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?

in a way, he tends to think of himself as a different category than everyone he meets, putting himself apart from them. it’s more of a isolation tactic than anything, but can be considered self-validation. he has been catching himself criticizing himself lately when comparing himself though as time goes on in this situation.

If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others?

he does blame himself for what happens, fully believing he may have done something in this life or a past life to cause bad things to happen to him.

What does your character like in other people?

well, wisdom is one. but he likes how people think, and you’ll often catch him analyzing others actions to see how they think. he likes people who are more critical of what they’re doing and can admit to their faults with ease. though, he also does like to see stubborn people when he knows they’re in the right. he also tends to gravitate more towards people he finds to be similar to him

What does your character dislike in other people?

he DOES NOT LIKE people who are too sure of themselves, too full of themselves, or both. negative people he tends to avoid as well. he’s not really judgy outside of that tbh.

How quick is your character to trust someone else?

he’s a generally trusting person tbh. unless someone gives him reason to distrust right off the bat he’ll probably hold some trust in them.

How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person?

even the smallest of relations to something can cause suspicion in him, ofc there’s exceptions (i.e. michiko during genta’s murder) but he’s not easily trusting in that. it changes slightly if he’s close but he does like to stay true to how he normally puts himself out as.

How does your character behave around children?

he’s pretty good around children tbh he’s a dad character

How does your character normally deal with confrontation?

on a bad day, badly, maybe even taking it near to a physical fight. he’s not exactly good at controlling himself if he’s upset. though on a good day, he’ll just go along with whatever he’s being confronted for, apologize or w/e, and go on with his day.

How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation?

like i stated before, on a bad day it is a very quick reaction to start violence but he holds himself back as much as he can

What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true?

he never had something he wanted to be, it wasn’t ever something he thought of. tbh he still doesn’t know what he wants to be or do, he’s just...living.

What does your character find repulsive or disgusting?

abuse, violence, arrogant people

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable.

sitting at home on the couch in the living room, the tv is on as candy plays one of her exploration games (or s/t like bloodborne, i’m sure that’s a game he’d enjoy watching) as the two of them talk casually about their days or their plans for the next day.

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable.

i feel gross thinking about it and it’s not even that bad i’d rather not. just gonna say it’s gotta do with his, promiscuity

In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?

he’s just. okay with it? maybe a lil defensive but for the most part he’s just like aight cool. he might be willing to improve

Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method?

immediately move on to a different solution/method

How does your character behave around people they like?

he’s pretty friendly and likes to joke around! really chill and touchy feely. he also feels more comfortable being silent but around them

How does your character behave around people they dislike?

he’s. super passive aggressive. constantly watching the other person in case of attack and to try and find out what’s going on in their mind- especially if he knows they also don’t like him.

Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status?

protecting his status definitely. he’s kind of proud of it and it’s all he has so. he’s got to.

Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat?

remove a problem/threat. he’s not afraid to get into shit even if it’ll likely hurt or even kill him. it’s just what’s best in his mind. removing himself won’t stop it.

Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)?

knowing his stupid child ass yeah, probably. he was, probably not super happy about it and as a kid he was a lot more ruthless and his response was not. good

How does your character treat people in service jobs?

he’s very polite and tries to help them out in any way he can, he’s not one to be rude to people helping him.

Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first?

a little bit of both. he thinks he deserves it because of the hardships in his life, but at the same time he doesn’t? and believes everything happens for a reason and he needs to do something good to get something good.

Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them?

...candy in a way? the two of them are parental figures to one another in the way that they take care of each other and care for each other.

Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them?

again, candy.

How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

it’s...pretty difficult to say it and have him actually mean it. only two people in his life have actually gotten a sincere “i love you” from him and that’s candy and his mom. he says it without meaning it to people literally all the time as it gets him what he wants in relationships

What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

he believes in both reincarnation and also the concept of heaven/hell. he would like to believe he’ll reincarnate, and if not at least get into heaven but knows deep down that he. probably will go to hell.

[ladmob]

Conor McGregor Is the Devil’s Son

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Conor McGregor Is the Devil’s Son

Last week’s miserable series of press conferences closed the distance between the blowhard McGregor pretends to be when he needs to sell something and the shameful human Floyd Mayweather continues to be every day.

  Big L is one of the greatest rappers – maybe the greatest of all – to pick up a microphone. Murdered before his 25th birthday, he only lived long enough to see a single full-length release; you can listen to his entire discography in the span of a few hours. But even in the grimiest, gun-happiest days of mid-1990s gangster rap, the Harlem emcee born Lamont Coleman distinguished his rhymes about violence, money, and drugs through cadence, word play, and cutting one-liners. He was in his finest form on “Devil’s Son,” an over-the-top ode to murder, rape, and pistol-whipping priests. The live version hits even harder: “I was a child runnin’ wild like a goose chase/Punish my dad I put poison in his toothpaste/Then I picked my infant sister up, gave her a quick spank/Then I dropped that little bitch in the fish tank.”

Absurd as those lyrics are, UFC lightweight champion Conor McGregor had them beat with the sustained animosity he showed toward Floyd Mayweather on last week’s four-date international tour for their August 26 pay-per-view cash grab. In Los Angeles, McGregor wore a David August suit with fuck-yous sewn into the pin stripes. In Toronto, he screamed at Showtime Sports executive Stephen Espinoza (“Look at you, you little fucking weasel!”), and he dug in further on Mayweather’s tax troubles. (Mayweather: “I do numbers, I make money.” McGregor: “You owe money.”) In Brooklyn, everything about McGregor except for pants that looked like 19th-century wallpaper was fucking awful: he gave entry-level shout-outs to Biggie and Jay-Z, said dumb shit about being “half-black… from the belly button down,” and the reality-show-season-57 blandness that seeps in when you hold three “press” conferences in a row without anyone asking a goddamn question became all too clear. In London, the thing came to a merciful end with McGregor regaining some semblance of form and, thanks to Mayweather’s flights of homophobia and misogyny, coming out looking like the hero of this farcical pugilistic fairytale.

  Tiresome as it was, it was a fun time – in a deranged, masochistic sort of way – with many threats of bodily harm, flag hurling, awkwardly long stare downs, spectators crowning the “winner” of each press conference based on whose verbal abuse seemed less scripted, and the principals redirecting their own gnawing insecurities re: money, fame, likeability, fighting style, and prospects of victory into headline- and video-package-ready soundbites.

But the best part was how the mainstream-ness of the whole traveling carnival translated to cable sports TV bullshit. “This was a rap diss show,” said Fox Sports 1’s Jason Whitlock of the LA presser on the first night. “This is gangster rap moved to the sports lane, moved into boxing.” (“It’s like Papa Doc and Eminem in 8 Mile, right?” said co-host Kristine Leahy, as I put a razor blade to my wrist.)

The gist of Whitlock’s argument – which I guarantee he thought of on air between breaths – was weird as well as self-contradicting. One the one hand, he said the shit-talk during the Mayweather-McGregor pressers could leech into how NFL players hype up games, and that the eff-bombs at the first event were the nadir of fight hype. “This is unprecedented for boxing,” he said. (Uh, remember that press conference when Mike Tyson said, “I’ll fuck you ’til you love me, faggot”?) On the other, he said no one should get sanctimonious about the tenor of that shit-talk because it’s the inevitable outcome of boxing’s history of insults and race baiting. “We have emptied out the trailer park and the hood and put them in a ring together, and we’re about to witness a culture clash and a culmination of a path we’ve been on for years.”

Whitlock’s argument is amazing both because it sounds apocalyptic and it sets up a straw man just to knock it down. Like, is anyone actually concerned that this press conference might set a bad example for the NFL, when a bigger problem might be people like a quarterback who threw his testicles onto a female athletic trainer’s face back in college, then spent his entire career convincing us that he was the apple-pie-eating-est motherfucker to win a Superbowl ring?

  But last week’s miserable series of press conferences closed the distance between the blowhard McGregor pretends to be when he needs to sell something and the shameful human Floyd Mayweather, Jr., continues to be every day. Most people who’ve spent time with McGregor say he dials down the volume in private and, outlandish sartorial tastes and threats of running over a reporter who wouldn’t let him see a story before publication notwithstanding, is a humble guy, proud father, and devoted to the mother of his son. True: telling Mayweather “dance for me boy” was gross and quasi-racist, dedicating a few coital thrusts to his “beautiful black female fans” was like Trump eating a taco bowl and tweeting “I love Hispanics,” and the clean up at the media scrum afterward didn’t erase the stain of ugly jokes that wouldn’t pass muster on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour.

But without pardoning McGregor, remember that the goon he plays on TV perpetrated that over-the-line buffoonery in a played-out format where he had to fill dead air. He never assaulted the mother of his children while they watched, faced 90 days in jail as a result, and later opened a strip club called Girl Collection. And he didn’t call his opponent a faggot in London like that’s an okay slur to wield in public.

Another downside is that the episodes of let’s-just-fight-right-now jawing at each other wore thin even before they showed up in LA. Mayweather and McGregor didn’t fight each other at the press conferences not because of the bodyguards onstage, or any vestigial nod to professionalism. It was because why the fuck would you give away the spectacle you’re trying to sell in August? Some estimates expect Mayweather-McGregor to clear 4.8 million pay-per-view buys and gross $500 million. This is life-changing money for McGregor and, with a big tax bill due, lifestyle-saving money for Mayweather. Decades after this fight is done, they will greet each other with open arms and warm words, thinking about all the cash they earned back when they pretended to hate each other.

Big L didn’t actually kill his parents and his baby sister. Those who knew him remember a quiet Lamont Coleman at odds with his trigger-happy alter ego. Similarly, if the most memorable combat sports athletes aren’t also method actors, they at least know how to build compelling characters through expression. Vulgar insults make for a reliable script, and so does the me-against-the-world story McGregor tells himself. “Showtime and all these, they’re trying to set me up,” he said in Toronto. “They’re trying to catch me off-guard, they’re trying to put me in these uncomfortable situations. But little do they know, I thrive in uncomfortable situations.”

By the third day, when they ran out of gas, watching Mayweather and McGregor yell at each other was hell. But when you’re the devil’s son, that’s not a bad place to be.

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Conor McGregor Is the Devil’s Son

Big L is one of the greatest rappers—maybe the greatest of all—to pick up a microphone. Murdered before his 25th birthday, he only lived long enough to see a single full-length release; you can listen to his entire discography in the span of a few hours. But even in the grimiest, gun-happiest days of mid-1990s gangster rap, the Harlem emcee born Lamont Coleman distinguished his rhymes about violence, money, and drugs through cadence, word play, and cutting one-liners. He was in his finest form on "Devil's Son," an over-the-top ode to murder, rape, and pistol-whipping priests. The live version hits even harder: "I was a child runnin' wild like a goose chase/Punish my dad I put poison in his toothpaste/Then I picked my infant sister up, gave her a quick spank/Then I dropped that little bitch in the fish tank."

Absurd as those lyrics are, UFC lightweight champion Conor McGregor had them beat with the sustained animosity he showed toward Floyd Mayweather, on last week's four-date international tour for their August 26 pay-per-view cash grab. In Los Angeles, McGregor wore a David August suit with fuck-yous sewn into the pin stripes. In Toronto, he screamed at Showtime Sports executive Stephen Espinoza ("Look at you, you little fucking weasel!"), and he dug in further on Mayweather's tax troubles. (Mayweather: "I do numbers, I make money." McGregor: "You owe money.") In Brooklyn, everything about McGregor except for pants that looked like 19 th-century wallpaper was fucking awful: he gave entry-level shout-outs to Biggie and Jay-Z, said dumb shit about being "half-black…from the belly button down," and the reality-show-season-57 blandness that seeps in when you hold three "press" conferences in row without anyone asking a goddamn question became all too clear. In London, the thing came to a merciful end with McGregor regaining some semblance of form and, thanks to Mayweather's flights of homophobia and misogyny, coming out looking like the hero of this farcical pugilistic fairytale.

Photo by Noah K. Murray-USA TODAY Sports

Tiresome as it was, it was a fun time—in a deranged, masochistic sort of way—with many threats of bodily harm, flag hurling, awkwardly long stare downs, spectators crowning the "winner" of each press conference based on whose verbal abuse seemed less scripted, and the principals redirecting their own gnawing insecurities re: money, fame, likeability, fighting style, and prospects of victory into headline- and video-package-ready sound bites. But the best part was how the mainstream-ness of the whole traveling carnival translated to cable sports TV bullshit. "This was a rap diss show," said Fox Sports 1's Jason Whitlock of the LA presser on the first night. "This is gangster rap moved to the sports lane, moved into boxing." ("It's like Papa Doc and Eminem in 8 Mile, right?" said co-host Kristine Leahy, as I put a razor blade to my wrist.)

The gist of Whitlock's argument—which I guarantee he thought of on air between breaths—was weird as well as self-contradicting. One the one hand, he said the shit-talk during the Mayweather-McGregor pressers could leech into how NFL players hype up games, and that the eff-bombs at the first event were the nadir of fight hype. "This is unprecedented for boxing," he said. (Uh, remember that press conference when Mike Tyson said, "I'll fuck you 'til you love me faggot"?) On the other, he said no one should get sanctimonious about the tenor of that shit-talk because it's the inevitable outcome of boxing's history of insults and race baiting. "We have emptied out the trailer park and the hood and put them in a ring together, and we're about to witness a culture clash and a culmination of a path we've been on for years."

Whitlock's argument is amazing both because it sounds apocalyptic and it sets up a straw man just to knock it down. Like, is anyone actually concerned that this press conference might set a bad example for the NFL, when a bigger problem might be people like a quarterback who threw his testicles onto a female athletic trainer's face back in college, then spent his entire career convincing us that he was the apple-pie-eating-est motherfucker to win a Superbowl ring?

Photo by Tom Szczerbowski-USA TODAY Sports

But last week's miserable series of press conferences closed the distance between the blowhard McGregor pretends to be when he needs to sell something and the shameful human Floyd Mayweather, Jr., continues to be every day. Most people who've spent time with McGregor say he dials down the volume in private and, outlandish sartorial tastes and threats of running over a reporter who wouldn't let him see a story before publication notwithstanding, is a humble guy, proud father, and devoted to the mother of his son. True: telling Mayweather "dance for me boy" was gross and quasi-racist, dedicating a few coital thrusts to his "beautiful black female fans" was like Trump eating a taco bowl and tweeting "I love Hispanics," and the clean up at the media scrum afterward didn't erase the stain of ugly jokes that wouldn't pass muster on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour.

But without pardoning McGregor, remember that the goon he plays on TV perpetrated that over-the-line buffoonery in a played-out format where he had to fill dead air. He never assaulted the mother of his children while they watched, faced 90 days in jail as a result, and later opened a strip club called Girl Collection. And he didn't call his opponent a faggot in London like that's an okay slur to wield in public.

Another downside is that the episodes of let's-just-fight-right-now jawing at each other wore thin even before they showed up in LA. Mayweather and McGregor didn't fight each other at the press conferences not because of the bodyguards onstage, or any vestigial nod to professionalism. It was because why the fuck would you give away the spectacle you're trying to sell in August? Some estimates expect Mayweather-McGregor to clear 4.8 million pay-per-view buys and gross $500 million. This is life-changing money for McGregor and, with a big tax bill due, lifestyle-saving money for Mayweather. Decades after this fight is done, they will greet each other with open arms and warm words, thinking about all the cash they earned back when they pretended to hate each other.

Big L didn't actually kill his parents and his baby sister. Those who knew him remember a quiet Lamont Coleman at odds with his trigger-happy alter ego. Similarly, if the most memorable combat sports athletes aren't also method actors, they at least know how to build compelling characters through expression. Vulgar insults make for a reliable script, and so does the me-against-the-world story McGregor tells himself. "Showtime and all these, they're trying to set me up," he said in Toronto. "They're trying to catch me off-guard, they're trying to put me in these uncomfortable situations. But little do they know, I thrive in uncomfortable situations."

By the third day, when they ran out of gas, watching Mayweather and McGregor yell at each other was hell. But when you're the devil's son, that's not a bad place to be.

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