#something along the lines of ''sometimes i feel as if mom thinks we owe her for adopting us.'' and my sister agreed.

[zuzuthelord]

After about 2 days of writing, I've done it. I wrote a full rant about all my thoughts on C//A. This whole thing is about 10K+ words, and it's not favorable to C//A, so if this somehow ends up in the C//A tag, my apologies for that. I really don't want discourse on this post, so if y'all like C//A, it's cool, but please don't interact with this. That being said...

I just saw a post (I can't find it but all credit to the OP for this sentence) which said something along the lines of "All the other characters carry Catra's redemption arc," which is just so true. Everyone around her just... drags her through her entire arc. She had to pushed into doing a good thing by Glimmer, she had to be saved by Adora to join the heroes... Catra did one good thing but beyond that, she really has no agency in her redemption. She doesn't go out of her way to make up for what she's done, she just goes along for the ride with Adora because she has nowhere to go. She doesn't offer more than a vague apology for her actions, and another way her arc is carried not by herself but by others is that they go out of their way to forgive her instead, rather than her putting in work. They actually don't hold her accountable and just... accept her, rather than her acknowledging her mistakes, which ends up furthering the trend of everyone else having more agency in Catra's arc than Catra herself. The lack of acknowledgement of her actions cheapens her arc and reduces her agency in it, because she can't and doesn't have to work if everyone does the work of forgiving her already. It is the actions and behavior of the people around Catra that make her seem like a good person, not anything Catra herself does. Like, Glimmer doesn't even bring up Angella. You know, her mom who's gone now because of Catra's actions?

Catra's insecurities and issues aren't dealt with so much as they just disappear or are toned down and written to be a non-issue even after we spent so much time building them up. The people around her just conveniently ignore the magnitude of her actions, and the narrative tries its damndest to downplay and excuse her actions, because the writers know they don't have the time to redeem Catra properly if they actually consider the magnitude of what she's done. So, the characters conveniently forget the more egregious things she's done, her more unsavory qualities are toned down, her personal and emotional conflicts are ignored or shown as a non-issue, or even sometimes portrayed as the right viewpoint to have so that it doesn't have to be addressed. All this ends up making it seem like Catra hasn't changed at all. She still has prejudice against the princesses, she still blames Adora for leaving her, she is still selfish and wants Adora to focus on her rather than others.

Her whole problem was that because of the abuse she suffered, she leaned on Adora to be her protector and felt betrayed when Adora left her because she always thought Adora was SW's favorite and therefore had a responsibility to protect her. Catra feels like Adora gets "everything she wants" and feels like she is always overshadowed and overlooked because of her, and that translates to a resentment of her and an expectation that Adora should stay by her side and protect her, since she's supposedly SW's favorite and Catra's friend, so of course that's her job. Which is why she feels betrayed when Adora leaves and she blames Adora for things that never were her fault to begin with. She was obsessed with taking Adora down because she thought Adora betrayed her and hurt her, which is because she was so focused on herself and what she was owed rather than understand the abuse that Adora also suffered. But come season 5 and her supposed redemption, she is still blaming Adora!

I understand the thought process that she is still in the beginning of her redemption and that she has a lot more growing to at the end of the series. I think Catra can truly be a genuinely good person and that she has the ability to change. But the series presents it as though she has already changed. She is not held accountable for everything she did. In fact, she barely acknowledges it, and she cracks jokes about it instead. If it was a one-time thing it would be fine, but there are many jokes about how Catra hates Princesses, and these are treated as comedy than acknowledged as the unwarranted prejudice that she holds. Entrapta even says it's normal for Catra to hate princesses as though it's some quirky character trait and not something she needs to work to overcome.

She also behaves passive-aggressively and blames Adora for fighting her during their previous conflicts when she was always the instigator. She is still possessive of Adora, treating her choosing to save the world over her own well-being as Adora choosing SW over her. Even at the end of the world, it's still about how Adora is hurting Catra's feelings. It's about Adora choosing something else over what Catra wants for her. Sure, maybe Catra is right that Adora is neglecting herself and what she wants for the world. The problem is that she gets angry at Adora for it and takes it as some personal offense to herself, and she makes it about Adora putting someone else before her. Her words are coming from a place of self-interest and not genuine and selfless care for someone she supposedly has loved her whole life.

Even when Adora is begging Catra to stay, she leaves, because it's never been about supporting Adora and wanting the best for her. It's about Adora doing what Catra wants for her, which ties into what Catra herself wants, which is for Adora to choose her. Catra asking Adora what she wants and then leaving when Adora expressly says "Stay, I need you," is the summation of their entire dynamic. In which Adora gives and gives to everyone, and Catra rebukes her for it, but only because she wants all the focus to be on her. This scene would be a lot more impactful if Catra wasn't the person who helped make Adora this way, if Catra wasn't the person who wanted to take away Adora's choices, if Catra wasn't the one who wanted to possess Adora and keep her to herself, if Catra wasn't the one who made Adora feel like she had to be the one to protect everyone else and that she couldn't fail.

Catra wanted to possess Adora then and she still does now. She hasn't changed and she still can't see beyond herself. She still wants Adora, her entire redemption revolves around Adora. She didn't do a good thing because she realized she was wrong, she just did it because she realized she maybe shouldn't let the person she loves die. She's always known she was doing horrible things and she still enjoyed doing them. She knew the harm she was causing, and she didn't care. One line about how it wasn't what she really wanted does not erase the sadistic, gleeful smiles and the world domination and the threat to end the world out of hatred and spite. And the fact that she changed, just for Adora, does not bode well, because it means she still doesn't care that she did bad things, and that she still would gladly be doing them if not for one solitary person on the other side. She's not a colonizer anymore, but it's not because she thinks it is wrong.

Glimmer was held more accountable than Catra for far less crimes, and Catra was treated like she had a mean argument or a falling out with the BFS rather than that she actively tried to kill them multiple times. She did do a good thing, I won't deny it, but it should take more than that to actually be forgiven, considering everything else she did which is like, way worse, and it didn't. Like I said, I understand the thought that she is in the beginning stages of redemption and has a lot more to change about herself. But if that were so, then she shouldn't be in a romantic relationship, or even any kind of relationship, with Adora, her victim, before she has truly done all the work to undo at least most of, if not all, of her toxic ideas. She shouldn't be portrayed as being healed and healthy. How can you be in a relationship with someone you abused if you're still victim blaming them? How can Adora, a heroic person who has a deep sense of right and wrong and is empathetic and selfless, be with someone who still doesn't feel guilty over everyone they hurt, who still carries irrational hatred for the people she loves and who cares only about themselves? Because that's who Catra is. She's the same old Catra.

She may have taken a first step, but that's all it is. The most annoying thing is that the show actually shows that she is still not there yet, and that she still carries many of her toxic traits. She is still cruel and selfish, and she still has her abusive tendencies. She's just not literally a colonizer anymore. These are all traits that the show has shown are bad and damaging to both Catra and the people around her. But in season 5, somehow, they are supposed to be... endearing? It's not supposed to be an issue. It's played for laughs. Her arc just jumps from one extreme to another. All the insecurity and hatred she felt for Adora just... vanishes, somehow. She is suddenly comfortable with being around her and kissing her, but in the finale of the previous season she was still blaming Adora for ruining her life. And somehow three episodes later and with no build up whatsoever, she's gotten over it, apparently? Where did her resentment and anger go? The show pushed for C//A so much that it had to erase all of Catra's conflicts, because there was no real way to deal with them and get her together with Adora, because the solution to most if not all of Catra's internal struggles is to be away from Adora, and that can't happen if they're supposed to be endgame.

It's really obvious that the story for season 5 was written around C//A and not the characters themselves. The penultimate scene in the finale is the kiss between Adora and Catra. The whole confession Catra gives just shows how the show failed to take into account the characters and their arcs. It just slapped all the romance tropes it could into the story without thinking about how it came across considering the previously established relationship between Catra and Adora. For example, we had Catra ask Adora what she wanted and when she got to choose. A classic trope, of course, the love interest being the only one to see the real person behind the hero's facade. Only, it doesn't work, because like I said, Catra is the one who spent most of the series making Adora feel like she had to protect everyone and everything even at her own expense, that everything was Adora's responsibility and that she couldn't fail. She's the one who spent the whole series resenting Adora because "Adora gets everything she wants!" And so, this line coming from Catra as though she is the only one who actually cares about Adora means nothing. Especially since we never saw Catra actually confront her insecurities about Adora. Throughout the series, we actually have Glimmer and Bow say things like "You'd be so annoying if you were perfect," and "we don't like you because you're She-Ra, we like you because of you," to Adora (I'm paraphrasing but that's mostly right), and they were sidelined so that Catra could ask Adora something she realistically has no business asking or even caring about.

Because she doesn't care about it. She still doesn't. After running away, she reveals the reason for why she is so upset. And it's "Adora chose Shadow Weaver! Adora doesn't want me! Not like I want her." On the surface, it's a common romantic trope. This would be a beautiful trope if used in an otherwise healthy and supportive relationship. Watching the normally supportive character finally be sad because they are afraid of not having their feelings returned and having a misunderstanding with the other character because of it is a great trope which I do love very much.

But in an effort to slap it onto C//A, the show neglected one very important thing. It's the fact that Catra has historically been possessive of Adora and has abused her for leaving her and not putting Catra first. So, to have Catra be like "Adora is choosing other people over me! She isn't loving me the way I want her to!" is really weird. Because she's used these same excuses to abuse Adora for four seasons. And to portray this as a romantic misunderstanding rather than the toxic and abusive mindset it is, is pretty gross. Again, if it were a one-off thing, it would be fine to implement this trope. But this is a repeated behavior for Catra, this is something she has been saying throughout the series, and it's something she has used as justification to abuse Adora. The fact that Adora chose the Rebellion over her made Catra abuse her, the fact that Adora just wanted to be friends with someone else made Catra attack her. Now treating this as some sympathetic moment is just ignoring everything that came before. Just because it's toned down to look romantic doesn't mean it's not problematic in the context of their previous relationship.

Again, in any other context it would be fine, but in the context of C//A, it just shows that Catra hasn't changed her toxic mindset, she still feels entitled to Adora's feelings, and her support is conditional on if Adora will cater to her needs and feelings. The fucking world doesn't matter if Adora doesn't want to kiss Catra. Adora is in a lot of emotional pain, she is afraid and hurting, and she needs someone who loves her more than ever. And Catra leaves, because "Adora chose SW over me!" Which could also be fine. Even the most supportive of people can be overcome by their emotions. They can feel resentful of always being placed second. But since Catra historically has an issue of being possessive of Adora and punishing her for wanting something other than what Catra herself wants, or for wanting to simply be friends with someone who isn't Catra, this trope just does not work.

Catra, who spent about 4 seasons trying to hurt Adora for leaving her even though she never did, is now actually abandoning Adora in her time of need because Adora didn't choose her. Her whole speech about asking what Adora wants is pointless because she ran away for a whole other reason, which is because Adora didn't choose Catra like Catra wanted her to. It's just Catra, yet again, being possessive of Adora and being selfish and cruel to her. It ends up showing us that Catra has not changed. Because after she spent so long punishing Adora and hurting and abusing her, she really has no right to expect Adora to feel a certain way about her, and she has no right to get mad about it. And yet, she does, because she's only thinking of herself and doesn't spare any thought to Adora's feelings and pain.

Catra is obsessed with Adora. She doesn't actually love Adora for who she is, she is still obsessed with the idea of who Adora is to her. She realizes she doesn't want to hurt Adora anymore, but only on a very surface level after she's lost everything. But she still hasn't dealt with all the insecurities and resentment she feels for Adora, and it shows. She still believes Adora abandoned her, that Adora likes being perfect and a hero, and that Adora should choose her over everyone else. She is still basing her self-worth on Adora and making unreasonable expectations of Adora because of this. Adora possibly not loving her back is enough to make her feel like she is unwanted, and this turns into her blaming Adora for choosing SW, and she externalizes it and leaves Adora kneeling in the dirt and calling for her. This is exactly what she's been doing all this time! She's tied her self-worth with Adora, and pushed Adora to validate and protect her, which put a lot of pressure and responsibility on Adora. And when Adora left, she felt so betrayed that she tried to murder her over and over, and even then, her self-worth was tied with Adora and taking her down and winning against her.

To let go of her obsession, Catra needed to find new friends and new people to care about her, and to let go of this obsession. She needed to find new value in herself as a person, and she needed to find her own identity and individuality. But in comes C//A, where this obsession that make Catra abuse Adora is a good thing actually and isn't it so romantic that Catra still doesn't have a healthy sense of self that isn't dependent on her victim, no it's not unhealthy or toxic even though that's what we've been saying all this time, it's true love! And it's like... it's not wrong at all to depend on other people and need them. But it has to be mutual, it has to be a give and take. It has to be healthy, and it shouldn't be a cause of pain to anyone. This relationship where Adora gives and gives and Catra takes and takes is the definition of codependency. And this leads Catra to abuse Adora and hurt her when she feels like her needs are not being met. Like, missing someone and thinking all the time about them isn't inherently an unhealthy thing. But it can't literally be the only thing you do. Catra is just obsessed with Adora to the point that this consumes any other ambitions or wants she might have (you know, other than SW's love, and that is also kind of tied to her obsession with Adora). And she can't open herself up to anything other than Adora and her obsession with her, and it negatively impacts her.

This scene where she runs away from Adora also kind of shows this, that it's still just about Adora and how she only cares about her and is obsessed with her. She is part of the Rebellion, a group that's pretty much the world's last hope, and she just... walks away, because she feels like Adora doesn't like her back romantically. And before this, she tried to get Adora to stop taking the failsafe even though it was the planet's last hope. She is willing to abandon the world for Adora, and not in a selfless way, because she's on board with letting the planet get destroyed if it means Adora gets to stay (for how long I wonder, since the planet is gonna be destroyed), and later she abandons Adora because Adora didn't choose her, which makes it seem like she was alright with letting the planet be destroyed so that she could keep Adora for herself, not out of genuine concern for Adora. It makes it seem like Catra just wanted Adora by her side so that she herself could be comforted and validated and loved the way she wants, because she leaves when Adora doesn't do what she wants.

Her leaving when the world is about to end just because Adora doesn't want to kiss her itself does such a disservice to her character. It could have been a moment of Catra finally doing something for selfless reasons, finally looking past her own pain and her own issues to do something for others. To show that she's grown. She once was ready to let the world end because she wanted to possess Adora and wanted to spite and hurt her, but now she is willing to do whatever it takes to save the world, even if it means losing Adora. That's what Catra's arc could have been. Her really realizing what she wanted and the mistakes she made, and working hard to fix them and make the right choices. Instead, we got that awful scene where Catra abandons Adora in her time of need and leaves her crying and alone.

It makes her asking Adora what she wants also meaningless, because when she is alone, she admits that it's really because she wanted Adora to like her romantically, and that thought that she didn't feel the way Catra wanted her to feel was enough for her to just up and leave Adora when she needed Catra by her side. It ends up showing us that Catra still ties her own self-worth to Adora, and that she still externalizes it when she feels unwanted. This is why she is so possessive. She wants to be needed by Adora, and that means that Adora can't need anyone but her. She's wanted SW's approval but was denied it constantly, so she clung onto Adora instead. Her desire to be needed and the way she relied on Adora for her self-worth is why she felt like she was abandoned by Adora, and so she abused her for it. And once more, this needed to be addressed. Catra needed to find self-worth and an identity outside Adora. She needed to be able to love herself, and not be so desperate for the approval of others. That would make her happier, and it would also mean that any apology she gives genuinely comes from actual remorse than her desire to be needed by someone.

However, that didn't happen. Instead, Catra being dependent on Adora is treated as romantic, like an "oh look how important Adora is to Catra, look how sad she is when Adora doesn't choose her!" And the problem is that that's not all it is. It's that Catra feels worthless if Adora doesn't love her back, she feels like she is unwanted and unloved if Adora doesn't feel the way about her that she wants. And she punishes Adora for it by leaving her alone. This is their dynamic. Catra depends on Adora for everything, from protection to validation to affection to her own worth as a person. And Adora, who internalized being needed and being responsible for everything, tries to please and protect others at her own expense, and this is what she does for Catra.

It's unhealthy for both of them, because it causes Catra to place heavy burdens on Adora that reinforces her martyr complex and causes Catra to feel worthless when Adora can't meet those expectations. This makes Catra take out those negative emotions on Adora because she blames Adora, because she can't blame herself. This starts the cycle of Adora giving everything she can (which reinforces her self-sacrificial tendencies and her own lack of self-worth), and once something happens that makes her unable to behave the way Catra wants, Catra descends into self-hatred and externalizes it onto Adora, and punishes her for it. This is why most of their dynamic in the flashbacks and in season 5 is Adora comforting Catra even after Catra slashed her or yelled at her, and Catra then responding with some kind of positive emotion. Adora leaving Catra made Catra feel abandoned, and she spent plenty of time trying to kill Adora for it, even though the problem was that she didn't like herself. And in the finale, Adora choosing to sacrifice herself reads to Catra as Adora choosing SW over her, i.e., not doing what would make Catra feel better, and she leaves Adora in her lowest point.

Again, Catra leaving would be fine if she had been a supportive, constant presence at Adora's side all this while. Because even the most supportive of people have their breaking point and have conflicts with their loved ones that cause them to walk away, and people make mistakes. But having this here with Catra just makes her come off as a douchebag, because she's only been with Adora for like, a few days? And she spent the time before this short team-up hurting and abusing Adora, and now she runs off once again the moment she has any kind of disagreement with Adora. Even as Adora begs her to stay and tries to reassure her, she just shoves her away and runs when Adora needs her most. This could be a standard conflict, except it makes it seem like Catra's support is very conditional on Adora catering to her needs. Out of context it's fine, but when taken into consideration with all the moments in the show, it just drives home the point that Catra hasn't really changed much at all.

She's so dependent on Adora and so unable to see outside that bubble that she doesn't even care about the world that's about to end. And you know, considering that Catra was once willing to let the world end just because of her selfish wish to not let Adora win, it paints a bad picture that she's asking Adora to not do the thing that might save the world, showing that Catra still doesn't give the slightest shit about anyone else other than Adora, which... considering her past as a colonizer who never really admitted that maybe world domination is a bad and horrible thing, is kinda icky. One more point in the "Catra hasn't truly changed as person" box.

This scene also uses the trope of the supportive character putting their foot down and calling out the love interest. Which is fine and dandy until you realize Catra has been using Adora's martyr complex as a way to emotionally abuse her all this time, and she made worse what SW instilled in Adora, that it is on her to protect others with no regard for herself. Catra spent the whole series exacerbating Adora's martyr complex, and the fact that she is the one who calls it out as though she has been endlessly supporting Adora and not actually making it worse, and that the characters who always affirmed Adora's importance and had her back are not involved in this is really gross, especially since the fact that Catra did this is never actually addressed or even brought up.

Catra asking Adora what she wants is... rich, for reasons I explained above. But another thing is the way that Catra blames Adora for this. Adora does have a martyr complex and does try to take responsibility for everything. But what else should she have realistically done? Let the world burn because her formerly (debatable) abusive girlfriend says she doesn't have to save it even though she's the only one who can? Does she have another plan? Is it that Adora chose this option that would sacrifice herself out of other options that don't involve her sacrificing herself? Because that's what Catra is yelling about when she says, "Why are you like this?" This very much is not Adora's fault. And yet Catra is taking the time to yell at her about not choosing for herself. She's placing fault on Adora for something Adora never did. It's so guilt-trippy and gross.

The show makes it out as thought this is about Adora's martyr complex, when it really is not. It doesn't present any other solution. What about this being the only way can be read as Adora wanting to always sacrifice herself? Catra is blaming Adora for things out of her control. And the problem with this is this is a tactic Catra used to abuse Adora and excuse herself of doing it. So, for her to do it again and for it to be portrayed as a good thing is... fucking disgusting? One more time for emphasis, if Catra had never done this before, it would be fine as a conflict. But making an abusive tactic of hers into her being the only one who cares about Adora is really strange considering her past. She should be dealing with things in a different way if she truly had changed.

Again, Catra made Adora this way. At the very least, she greatly exacerbated Adora's martyr complex. So for her to be telling Adora not to sacrifice herself without any push-back from Adora about how this is what Catra always told her she should do, from blaming her for not standing up for her against their mutual abuser to blaming her for the world domination and the end of the world that Catra caused, is bad writing and another example of the narrative bending over backwards to excuse Catra by not acknowledging her actions, and stripping her of responsibility and accountability for her actions so that she and Adora can kiss without seeming like it's still toxic.

And the "fight" part of this trope, the "falling out" part is also really bad, because it fails to take into account their previous dynamic, in which Adora always tried to take care of Catra's emotional needs and was hurt for it. And she's doing the same thing again. Instead of being supported in her hour of greatest need, she is once again comforting Catra and trying to reach out to Catra, while Catra herself is lashing out over some perceived slight that she makes out to be about herself when it's really not about her at all. Again, if it was just this once it would be fine, but this is a constant and repetitive dynamic in their relationship that has been shown to be toxic, so why would you put this at the end of Catra's arc, when her relationship with Adora is supposed to be repaired? I understand why she does it. Catra wants to be loved. She is also being manipulated by SW. That doesn't make it any less of a dick move, especially since this is the series finale and the end of Catra's redemption arc, where she is supposed to be a better person. She isn't supposed to still be blaming Adora. And her coming back means nothing, because even during her love confession, she is still blaming Adora!

The right way to go would be for Catra to confront Adora (even though she isn't the right person for this at all, but if it really has to be her), but continue to support her, even though she disagrees with her and even if she doesn't like what Adora does, even if what Adora does doesn't benefit her. Having her leave just makes her look like a real fucking asshole, and her coming back and saying she's going to stay loses a lot of its meaning. I don't trust that she'll support Adora unconditionally after this, because she's so erratic about it. She saves Adora from Horde Prime but continues to blame and insult her after the fact. She leaves Adora feeling hurt and sobbing on the ground, but comes back to save her and confess her love. This just paints a really unsatisfying picture. She comes back when Adora is on the brink of death but can't be arsed to stay by her side otherwise if it's inconvenient for her or if Adora isn't doing exactly as she likes.

My point is that all these romance tropes that are added to develop the C//A romance just end up making their relationship seem worse. The need to build up a romance in about half a season after having them be enemies for four whole seasons clearly made the writers stuff it with romance tropes with no consideration for how it would come across if you looked at the whole relationship portrayed throughout the show. For example, another trope used is the "character gets mind controlled and forced to fight their love interest," trope. This tries to get you in your emotions by putting the character through the agony of having to fight someone they love and being determined to save them. But again, this doesn't work with C//A because Catra isn't doing anything to Adora that she hasn't already done consciously and gleefully. And the show wants us to forget about all that and get us in our feels about Adora having to fight Catra now, ignoring the fact that Catra has attacked Adora plenty of times before this, so seeing them fight isn't anything to be horrified about. It just sort of reinforces how Catra has treated Adora all this time.

And another line from the finale is "Of course she's gone! That's what she does, isn't it?" Which could be fine, even great, out of context. But it completely ignores everything about the characters. Catra's whole thing is that she perceives Adora leaving as a personal betrayal and as her choosing others over Catra, which is a source of resentment towards Adora. Adora always leaves, she always takes everything from her, Adora gets everything she wants. And the whole point is that Catra is wrong about this! She's so obsessed with controlling Adora, with wanting her to protect Catra and take care of her and be only with her, that anything that Adora does that goes against something Catra wants must be that Adora is taking things from Catra, that she is leaving her. She never acknowledges the abuse that Adora herself suffered, because she is so caught up in her resentment of being SW's scapegoat. Because Adora didn't leave Catra. She asked her to come with her multiple times. She protected Catra with her own body when they were children. She didn't get "everything she wanted."

So Catra spends most of the series victim blaming Adora for escaping a toxic environment and resents her unfairly, because she is possessive and controlling. She spends the whole series obsessed with hurting Adora and showing her up. She spends the whole series being obsessed with Adora, whether it be getting her back or hurting her with no regard for Adora's well-being, because she felt like something was taken from her. Adora running wasn't her leaving Catra, it was her escaping a toxic and abusive environment because she realized how bad it was, not only to her but also to so many innocent people. But Catra was selfish and possessive, and she made it about herself. And this line just shows that Catra is still blaming Adora for leaving as though it was wrong of Adora to do so, as though Adora didn't try to reach out to Catra multiple times and help her too, as though Adora actually did betray Catra somehow. It's still victim blaming, and just because Catra saw it as personal betrayal doesn't mean it is. If Catra really knew Adora, if she was the person who actually knew Adora best, she would not continue to believe that Adora left her for real, and she would understand why Adora left. If Catra truly overcame her resentment of Adora and really was the person who saw what Adora wanted and actually wanted what was best for her, she would know this, and she wouldn't still be blaming Adora for leaving.

Hell, the confession falls apart if you look at it.

"You've never given up on anything in your life, not even on me."

Ignoring the Season 3 finale where Adora glares at Catra, letting her know she's done with her. And she never tries to reach Catra in Season 4. Adora did give up on Catra. It was an important moment for her character in the show, when she finally stops blaming herself and putting pressure on herself and blames who is truly responsible. It is a moment where she reclaims her agency and self-worth. It is an important moment where she rejects Catra's manipulation and gaslighting and her abuse, and it is important because it shows that you don't have to stick with abusive people and try to save them just because you care about them. You can leave. No one is responsible for their choices but them, and you don't have to continue to be hurt. And yet, this moment is forgotten in order for Catra to make her confession. This is yet another trope, where the character is the only one to have never given up on their love interest, except it just erases a whole part of Adora's arc to make this false claim that Adora never gave up on Catra, even when she rightfully did so.

"I've got you! I'm not letting go!"

Ignoring the fact that Catra never has let Adora go. In fact, Catra's whole problem is that she wouldn't let Adora go. She's always been obsessed with her and that has sunk her deeper and deeper. I understand that in the context of this confession, this line seems alright, and it is actually alright for what it's supposed to mean. But considering the overall narrative, I don't think Catra should be the one saying this. Her arc in S1-S4 revolved around her obsession with Adora a lot, and if she were truly to heal, she had to get over it and recognize Adora as an individual with her own wants and needs. She never does do this, because she still blames Adora and gets angry at her for not putting Catra's feelings first. She is still obsessed with Adora. She changed in that she doesn't want to kill Adora anymore, but the way she thinks of Adora isn't all that different. Her obsession was good in the first 4 seasons because it was portrayed as unhealthy and toxic for both Catra and Adora. It is less so in Season 5, where it's not addressed at all, and instead turned into the peak of romance, even when it is still deeply unhealthy. Someone like Glimmer or Bow should be saying this, not Catra, who should have ideally let Adora go.

"Don't you get it? I love you! I always have!"

This is wrong on so many levels. Because then Catra loved this girl, and she chose to abuse her despite it, or maybe even because of it. She chose to let the world end to spite the person she's loved all this time. And we've already established that she hasn't really changed all that much. Their relationship is not healthy now and it's not going to be healthy. Because if Catra loved Adora all this while, we know how this love is going to manifest, and that love won't stop Catra from hurting Adora. Catra still has her abusive traits, she still refuses to acknowledge that Adora was justified in leaving and she still thinks Adora wronged her. She's not attacking her anymore, but since she still holds onto the same justifications and hasn't changed her mind, it will never be a healthy relationship. Not until Catra stops blaming Adora, and sadly that didn't happen in the show.

"So please, just this once, stay!"

As though Adora left her. I already talked about this, so I won't go into it again, but it just shows that Catra doesn't actually know what Adora needs or doesn't know her at all, really. She's still clouded by her own emotions about the situation to be able to understand that Adora needed to leave for her own good.

This confession is deeply self-centered. It's still Catra asking Adora to protect her feelings and do things for her. It's still Catra blaming Adora for doing something for herself. If this was from any other character, it would have been a wonderful way to emphasize Adora finally choosing something for herself, as the character who stood by her side to help her carry the responsibilities she took on also helps her choose something for herself. But the fact that it is Catra, who spends the series being selfish as all hell, who always demands things of Adora and blames her for everything that goes wrong in her life, who is saying this, it sort of taints the whole thing. Hell, the request to stay would make sense coming from Glimmer or Bow more than it does from Catra, because they bore most of the brunt of Adora leaving them behind and "running away" because of her need to take responsibility for everything (which isn't actually running away, it's pretty much the opposite, but that's a conversation for another time). Adora running away from them is due to her martyr complex, which does make her leave them behind even when they don't want her to and when even she doesn't really want to, while Adora "running away" from Catra is an act of reclaiming her agency after learning that her whole life is a lie. And take a guess at which one is actually called out!

This is why I can't get behind the idea that their future romantic relationship will be healthy. Because none of the issues that made Catra abuse Adora have actually been resolved. She still hasn't come to understand that Adora was also abused, that Adora shouldn't have to always cater to her emotional needs, that Adora didn't abandon her and Catra was in the wrong for thinking that. Without these realizations, we can't truly say that Catra will not abuse Adora anymore. Especially since she still shows some abusive behaviors, even if the excessive violence and murder attempts have come to an end. They'll probably have a brief period of happiness, like a honeymoon phase, if you will, but when Catra's insecurities begin to rear their heads again, I have full faith that she will go back to doing what she's always done, hurt Adora because she wants to own her, because none of the issues she has with Adora that made her abuse her have actually been solved. "But she confessed to Adora that she loved her!" you might say. But just loving Adora has never stopped Catra from hurting her before. Catra has always loved Adora. That's the problem.

Any decent redemption would take steps to address Catra's obsession with Adora. It would make Catra develop an identity outside Adora, it would make Catra realize she was wrong to pretend that Adora had it all easy, that Adora escaping the Horde is not a personal betrayal of her but rather something that Adora needed to do for her own well-being. Catra has an image of Adora that is warped by hatred, and that has to change. But we never saw that. Their relationship only got worse and worse until Catra miraculously just... changed her whole tune about Adora with no build-up to the moment, and Adora just forgot everything Catra did and rushed off to start throwing herself at her. This just came out of nowhere. Catra has spent her life connecting her insecurities to Adora. She's happiest when she's not thinking about Adora.

Adora quite literally gave up on Catra in Season 3 and spent Season 4 not giving a damn about her. There was nothing, nothing, that changed about their relationship to prompt Catra into changing her mind. She was even accusing Adora of taking everything from her in the Season 4 finale, and she never even spoke to Adora after that. One talk with Glimmer about Adora doesn't erase years of resentment and feeling inferior, and it doesn't erase Catra's abusive behavior. What the show shows us is that the girls are better off apart. Catra is happiest when she isn't focusing on Adora. Adora is better off once she gives up on Catra. And yet we get them coming together without any kind of proper reconciliation and they just don't address anything Catra did, as though one good thing just erases everything else. And Adora just starts trusting Catra in such a short time without Catra really showing her that she's truly changed herself, like they just had a small falling out instead of the murder attempts and abuse. Catra fights alongside her, sure. She protects her, sure. She also continues her emotionally abusive tactics, whether she means it or not. She continues to be passive-aggressive and continues to victim blame Adora, she continues to be possessive and selfish.

Even her apology is lackluster. "I'm sorry, for everything!" What is this "everything"? Is it how she treated Adora? Well, she hasn't really changed much on that front. She's still victim blaming and possessive. Is it for trying to take over the world and subjugate its people? Well, she has never once expressed regret over it, so that doesn't track either. What even is Catra sorry for? We, the audience, don't have any idea. Especially since she continues to believe more or less the same things she believed as a fascist, so like, what is this apology for? She seems to fall back onto old habits the moment she's been rescued, blaming Adora and accusing her of playing hero, like she's been doing all this time. She refuses to own up to her actions and take accountability for them, which shows that really, she isn't all that concerned about the feelings of the people she hurt. For fucks sake, she literally yells, "I know you all hate me!" in an accusatory tone, like she is hurt and offended by the thought that people could hate her after everything she's done. And the show rewards her for avoiding responsibility by having everyone forgive her instantly.

There's such a whiplash in the portrayal of Catra, that one moment Catra is saying she's sorry, and the next she's pretending like she never did anything wrong. The "It never stopped you before," line is so gross in that way because Catra is being bitter about Adora fighting her even when they were friends. This is, of course, ignoring the fact that Catra herself started all those fights, that Catra was the one who enjoyed hurting Adora, and that Catra basically forced Adora to fight her to defend herself and the world itself. And here, she acts all passive aggressive about Adora having fought her and pretty much blames her for it by saying that she didn't like that Adora fought her and holds a grudge against her for it, when, like, it's entirely her fault? This is like a robber being annoyed at the victim for catching them. Catra has no right to be annoyed about this or to act accusatory towards Adora for this, considering she abused her and tried to kill her. She's the only one in the wrong for attacking Adora. She really has no reason or right to be bitter about Adora having attacked her, and she is not justified in blaming Adora for doing so.

And importantly, they weren't friends either, so the fact that Catra would treat Adora the way she did and still have the gall to say that Adora attacked her friend is ridiculous. She just pulls the friend card out of her ass now just to blame Adora for attacking her. Catra didn't think of Adora as her friend. The one episode they did spend as friends again ended with her letting Adora hang off a cliff to fall and die. And later she expresses that she would very much like to kill Adora herself. Catra treated Adora so horribly and hated her, and yet held an expectation that Adora should have not fought her because they were friends. She still thinks Adora should have thought of her as a friend and not attacked her, showing that she still has those expectations for Adora to cater to her and look after her even if she herself won't let herself be held to those standards, and even if she won't return anything Adora does for her.

She still thinks Adora is the wrong for fucking defending herself! And it's like, do the writers want her to seem like a dick or do they believe this? She's not really regretful about hurting Adora because she thinks Adora defending herself was Adora hurting her, who was supposed to be Adora's friend apparently. So what was her apology even about? She begrudges Adora for defending herself, so clearly, it's not because she realized trying to kill her was wrong, so what is this undefined "everything" that she mentions? If she truly took responsibility for what she did and admitted she was wrong to hurt Adora, she wouldn't be bitter about Adora defending herself!

And this isn't the only time. The line "I know you all hate me!" which I mentioned previously also reads this way, especially since Adora just went out of her way to risk her life for Catra. Catra legitimately sounds accusatory, like she's calling out Adora for hating her, like she's offended by it. Like "I know you really hate me even though you pretend not to, and I've had enough of it, so fuck off!" It sounds like she's calling out a toxic friend group. I actually have experience with having a group of friends pretend to like you when they say horrible shit about you behind your back. This is how I felt, angry and hurt, when they kept trying to pretend to be nice to me when I knew what they said about me behind my back, that I was stupid and weird and stuff. So I get the feeling behind that line. I get why she feels that way, in her flawed perspective.

The problem lies in the fact that it's toxic and is victim blaming, since Catra abused Adora and did plenty of other horrible things, which makes Adora's and her friends' resentment of her perfectly justified. You see, any redemption for Catra would mean that she finally learns that she shouldn't do horrible things anymore, that she finally learns to see Adora as a person, that she finally acknowledges that she had no reason to hurt her and that she is at fault for their relationship. But that's not what happens. Catra saves Adora, sure, but she continues to play victim, she continues to accuse Adora of hating her or whatever without acknowledging that Adora should be allowed to do this. If Catra was truly remorseful, she would accept it. As it is, it leaves me wondering why Catra even saved Adora? It's one thing to be called out for pushing people away, but it's different with Adora, because Catra didn't push her away in Catra's mind. She thinks it's Adora who left her. And she has a whole assortment of other issues with Adora. So, her turn to save Adora makes no sense, because she spent 4 seasons trying to kill her for these reasons, and nothing changed about these feelings when she decided to save her. If Catra truly had changed and realized her mistakes and how she hurt Adora, two things would have happened in this scene.

A) Catra would understand that Adora doesn't hate her, not really. Because she's been looking at Adora from a resentful and negative perspective all this while, without recognizing who Adora is. And redeeming herself would mean that Catra has to acknowledge the truth, that Adora didn't abandon her or hate her, and that using that as justification for her abuse is wrong.

I do think that Adora never truly hated Catra. She was resentful, and she did make the decision to give up on her, but I don't think she could truly just hate her. But she did give up on her, and it was a very important decision which was erased from her arc. Of course, Adora would want to save Catra, but she also did give up on her. I would have liked to see her feel conflicted about Catra. I would have liked to see her want to save Catra but also be hesitant about trusting her and letting her into her life again after everything she's done. As it is, Catra just blames Adora, proving that she still holds onto that negative and flawed view of Adora that Catra used as justification to abuse Adora. And Adora is expected to take the step to mend their relationship in which she is the victim and where Catra is at fault. One vague apology isn't enough to mend years of hurt, especially since Catra hasn't changed in a way that matters.

Catra views Adora in a flawed and untrue light, and instead of her realizing she was wrong and giving Adora a heartfelt apology, we get a vague sorry for some undefined "everything." And instead of Catra coming to see Adora for who she is and treating her as she deserves, Adora is supposed to prove to Catra that Catra is wrong about her, instead of Catra putting in the work to unlearn her toxic view of Adora. Adora is expected and made to put in the effort to help Catra heal, despite the fact that this is something Catra should do on her own, away from Adora. Because Adora doesn't have to do that for her, and because Catra being around Adora will only make her double down, and as we see, it does. She still accuses Adora of playing hero, she still blames Adora for her mistakes, she is still antagonistic, and she doesn't want to assume responsibility for her mistakes.

B) Catra wouldn't be yelling at Adora about how she knows Adora hates her, because she would understand that Adora should be allowed to have negative feelings about her.

Which she doesn't do. She's offended by it and hurt by it. As though they don't have a reason to hate her, and she's unhappy that they do. Catra is still placing the blame on Adora for hating her, almost like she thinks it's unfair. And then Adora has to comfort her and reassure her that she never hated her. She has to console Catra when she's sad about people hating her for valid reasons, and she isn't allowed to assert her right to be resentful after everything Catra has done, which completely ruins her moment in the season 3 finale. The narrative excuses Catra and never wants her to be sad. We're only ever supposed to feel sorry for her and want her to be happy, and that also means ignoring everything she did and the consequences for that. Because actually having other characters have self-respect and rightfully disliking Catra for what she did would make Catra sad, and we can't have that, now can we? We're only allowed to feel sorry for Catra, which is why the show keeps focusing on her trauma and giving more weight to how she feels while conveniently ignoring how her action make others feel and the impact it might have on them, like the abuse Adora suffered at her hands and Glimmer's loss of her mother. Because Catra needs to be portrayed in a good light so that C//A can happen, and if that comes at the expense of other characters, so be it.

Ultimately, there is no reason Catra is with the Rebellion other than Adora. One reason she fought in the Horde is to spite Adora, to prove herself over Adora and take her down. Her obsession caused her to sink lower and lower, and the episodes in the Crimson Waste seemed like they were setting up the idea that Catra would have to let go of Adora to be happy, because Adora represented everything that caused Catra pain. Which is not Adora's fault, and that's something Catra needed to realize as well, which could only happen if she distanced herself from Adora and her resentment towards her and gained an outside perspective. She needed to be apart from Adora. But Season 5 not only reaffirms Catra's warped view of her victim, and also portrays her obsession as a good thing. Catra is stripped of any personal identity or motivation in the final season outside following Adora around and eventually kissing her. She gets Melog, but Melog is like a cop-out for Catra actually putting in the work to change. She says she's working on her anger, but we never get to see her do it, or even why she comes to the conclusion that she wants to work on it at all, considering she's never thought much of it before. She says she'll do it one episode and she's pretty much over it the next.

Her issues and mistakes are, as I said, overlooked or downplayed so that they don't seem as problematic as they are. This is because making all the characters remember her actions would force them to acknowledge the magnitude of all that she's done, and then it would really be a yikes moment if she were to get together with one of them. Because they knew they couldn't make her come back from all she's done within the span of half a season and still manage to completely repair her relationship with her victims and even end up with one of them. The writers spent too much time on developing the enemies part of enemies-to-lovers, and they didn't have enough time for the lovers part to make it seem believable. So, they (the writers) had to gloss over her mistakes and never really address it. They downplayed it and ignored a lot of it so that they didn't have to put too much work into showing us that she's changed, so that it wouldn't seem OOC or just plain awful when they made Catra kiss the person she abused for years with just a little "development." I don't necessarily disagree with the story arc they planned for her, and I don't think that she's irredeemable or anything, even as she got worse and worse. But her actual turn was rushed to hell and back, and it cheapened her whole story, because if all it took was a few vague apologies, getting a haircut and one good action after a lifetime of evil, then what was all that build-up for?

There was not enough of a resolution for all that build-up, and that hurts all the characters. It hurts Adora's character, who's inspiring moment of asserting her self-worth and choosing to stand up for herself is forgotten in order to have her go back to falling over Catra and trying to reach out to her while getting none of it back again, with no acknowledgement of the fact that she once gave up on Catra entirely. It hurts Glimmer's character, whose grief over her mother is invalidated when she barely spares a mean look to the person responsible for it and smilingly invites her to sit next to her. It hurts Entrapta's character, when the pain she suffered at Beast Island where she was sent to die after being betrayed by someone she thought was a friend was diminished, and all was forgiven with just one sorry from Catra. It hurts Scorpia's character, when she forgave Catra in an instant without even a proper apology even though her whole arc was about standing up for herself and asserting her self-worth and that she deserves to be treated well. It hurts characters like Bow and the others who Catra hurt, who were stripped of their self-respect and rightful hatred of her and who accepted her immediately, because any of them actually not forgiving Catra would make her sad and that's not allowed. And it hurts Catra's character, who could have been an inspiring and wonderful character, who showed us that no matter how far you fall, you can still improve yourself, and you can still find a better life. We could have gotten so much, and their stories could have cemented themselves as one of the most nuanced and compelling stories of all time, with wonderful and uplifting messages that show people that they aren't alone, and that all hope is not lost. That they can change, and choose their own path, and find happiness and love and a better life.

Instead, we got SPOP season 5.

[notquitecharlie]

7/13/23 Again

Dear Friend,

I’m sorry I’m a liar. I don’t want to lie to you, I lie too much. It’s never “big” lies the kind that mean anything to anyone but me but I lie too much about who I am and how I feel to lie to you too. I’m going to try to share as much of myself that I don’t share with anyone else now. This post will be long, the ones that follow it may be too if you don’t want to read it friend you don’t have to but I think some part of me needs to write it. I hope that you don’t judge me because, I trust you friend even though we likely haven’t met yet. I’m going to attempt to be relatively chronological except in one part, the beginning. 

I’m not always happy friend. Sometimes I am so sad and lonely and anxious and scared that it physically hurts but I still smile and am polite and kind as I can and if anyone were to ask me I would always say that I’m happy. I lie most days about this and I’m sorry. Sometimes it’s like a part of me feels like if I lie and say that I’m happy I will be, that the more I smile the more I’ll mean it.

Ever since I was young I’ve been called ugly, especially by my mom. I feel horrid saying that but I’m trying to be honest so there. When I was small and did plays she would clip extensions into my hair, when I was about 11 or 12 going to a school presentation fair thing I put on a dress my grandma had given me and I felt gorgeous, sure I had acne and a bad hair day but still I asked her how I looked and the response was “like a homeless person what the hell are you thinking I’m doing your hair”. Every time I’ve done something like a choir performance or taken school pictures she’s smattered makeup onto my face to cover up the imperfections and asked me why I didn’t do it myself, I’ve always told her I forgot or sometime along those lines but I’ll be honest to you. I can’t stand makeup for the most part. Some days I can and I’ll do fun makeup for me but I lie and hide too much without covering my face.

Eating can be so fucking hard and I don’t know why. I’m very skinny, you can see my spine and my ribs and shoulder bones all of it and I hate it but sometimes eating physically hurts. It’s like I just feel bad, you know?

I’m gay and I wish my family would stop talking about gay people so horribly and using the word lesbian as an insult. I wish my nine year old sister wasn’t already brainwashed into that way of thinking too. I don’t want to talk about how cute guys are. I don’t.

I have horrible nightmares most nights. They just feel so real and every night I say sweet dreams to every person so. many. times. But no one ever says it back and i wonder if they did, would it make any difference?

I want to finish my sentences sometimes without being interrupted or shushed. I’m not stupid and I wish people would give my the tiniest bit of respect to listen to what im saying. Sometimes it matters.

I cry. I fidget. I over apologize to (normally to) people who don’t deserve it. I hate talking to people. I hate asking for stuff. I get overly worried about cleanliness. Sometimes loud noises physically pain me (not just in the ow my ears hurt way). Textures especially with food tend to disgust me (cheese, oil, olives, popsicle sticks, some bread, tortillas,eggs) I can normally force myself to eat it but other days I just can’t. Nothing feels safer than the number seven.

I’m sorry to share all of this and I’m also sorry I would love to do it again sometime.

Love always, 

Athena

[mellow-worlds]

Everything is going to shit. It's my birthday in two days and I just want to die. I was so happy yesterday. My mom always ruins everything. Why does no one see how hurt I am? I turn completely emotionally numb in front of my mom and sometimes grandmother because I don't know how else to handle it. I don't know how to handle anything. I feel like I'm the weakest person on earth. I've wanted to kill myself so many times. I always kind of want to kill myself. I want to die. I'm numb when she's there and then afterwards I cry. I'm currently crying. I don't know if I want to meet my friends this night. I mean I do, but I don't really like going to concerts, really I just want to watch mlp g1 and then eat and go to sleep. I'm listening to Christmas music a lot lately since I really want it to be Christmas already. I don't even know why. I think I just like the feeling? Everything is warm inside and there's always cookies there and it's dark outside. Maybe I miss my family and my dad. Maybe I just want everything to be alright. I don't know what to do. I'm cold. Everything sucks, I mostly suck. I don't know how I can be ok with people liking me if my mom doesn't love me. She only loves herself. Today my grandmother said "we all love you, but sometimes it's hard." What am I supposed to make of that? How could she just say something like that? It shouldn't be hard to love me. I don't know what to do. I feel so alone. I have no friends. They're all friends with each other and I just kind of show up. I'm always just kind of there. Yesterday A said that she thinks it's nice how I'm always excited to meet people and how it's good that I'm always happy to be there. That was so sweet of her. She's so kind. Being with my friends is the one thing that really, really makes me happy. I just. I'm so tired. I'm so sad. How am I supposed to function properly if my mom hates me, or at least makes me feel like she does. It's funny. She thinks I hate her. I kind of do. I owe her nothing. She's my freaking mother. She should just accept me. Gosh I'm sorry that I'm not a perfect child. GOSH. I don't know what to do. I think I like mlp g1 and stuff like that so much because maybe I'd like to be a child again. Everything is going to shit. There's a quote in Slaughterhouse 5 that says something along the lines of a woman taking antidepressants so she could go to work even if her mom and sister or something died. I think about it a lot. I think about that book a lot. And I think about catcher in the rye a lot. I want to die. Catcher in the Die. That's me. I run through the fields but I don't catch children. I just jump off the cliff. One day I will.

I'm starting uni so soon. In two days is my birthday and I'll turn 18. My grandmother said I should smile because I'm turning 18 soon. She told me three times. I didn't smile. And I told her before how much it hurts to be told to smile. Today it didn't hurt. I felt nothing.

My mom probably is going to evict me soon. She wants me gone. Out of sight, out of mind. She told me so many times that I should go live with my dad, even when I was still going to school and I told her I would if I could. Why can't she just pretend I already live somewhere else? Why can't she just ignore me like I've asked her to do? She's so stupid. She only likes to take pity in herself, feeling good about herself for being so "hardworking" and a "good teacher" or whatever and she only loves herself. I don't understand anything. She shouldn't have expectations about what her daughter should behave like. It's not like I'm causing harm. I only cause harm when she causes harm first but I don't know how to act differently. I can't change. As a kid I often used to scream at her "I'm sorry I was born this way". I still feel those words are true. She just doesn't get me. She only gets herself. I really don't know what to do. I know I can't change and she won't accept me. I don't know what to do. I'm still crying. I don't know what to do. I feel so lost in life. Everything would be better if she were dead. I'm a bad person for thinking this. I just don't know what to do. Everything I do is like a defense mechanism.

My mom spent the last two days on the sofa because she got some teeth removed. She says she can't do anything. I think she doesn't want to. I get that she's in pain but she's not physically incapacitated. She's a liar. And I get that she doesn't want to do anything. But it's not like she can't and she shouldn't blame me for it. GOSH. SHE INVITED SO MANY PEOPLE OVER. I CAN'T EVEN EAT IN PEACE BECAUSE I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE LIVING ROOM. I hate living here. Everything is so dirty and unorganized. I hate it here. I love my siblings and I'm scared about what would happen if I moved out with my piano lessons and stuff like that. I'd hate it if I couldn't move out without also taking the piano and keep going to the lessons. But I'd really like to move out. Gosh I even lived somewhere else for a month and mom kept asking if I really didn't want to stay. She's a hypocrite. And she told me so many times to go live with my dad before. I want to die.

[sexyandcringe]

Prank: calling their mum a bitxh

Warnings: calling people bitxh ig, slut shaming maybe? But it's all acting. Not proofread, lmk in comments if I misspelled something.

Content: crackish, fluff, a lil mean

A/n: the Atsumu one is an actual reaction someone had on tiktok and I totally thought of Atsumu when I saw it!

Atsumu

Such a great day to do another prank on your best boi tsumu

I totally believe that the Miyas are mama's bois!!

You and Atsumu were getting ready to go grocery shopping when you decided to do the prank

You had sent his mother a message before getting in the car to call you in a minute, so she did.

"Hello M/N, how have you been?" you start talking normally, and Atsumu just smiles, he is happy that you get so along with his mother as if she's your own, hell sometimes he thinks his mother likes you more than him

Thats why it was a complete shock to him when you started frowing and your tone got angrier

"Why are you being like this? i dont think i'm stealing him, why do you have to act like such a bitxh with me?" you say, hiding your laugh at the best of your abilities

Atsumu's eyes WIDEN like they never have.

"Yo what? what the hell didja say?" he asks you with the most shocked face you have ever seen on him

You look at him and keep on your act. "What? she's being horrible to me."

"I dont fucking care, you aint callin' my mama a bitxh" he looks at you as if you have punched him in the face without explainin the reason.

"But Atsumu-" "I dont wanna listen y/n, get out of the car."

"What?! what do you mean get out?" you ask him bewildered

"You walking today, im not driving you. Get out." his words leave no room for you to talk back

He takes your phone from your hands, seeing that his mum is still on line

"I'm sorry mama, what happened?"

From the other side of the phone, all he could hear was an uncontrollable laugh. "Whats wrong mama??" he asks, worried

But the situation gets clearer to him as he sees you holding your laugh behind your hand.

He gasps in realization before deadpanning "Is this a prank?", you nod, finally bursting

"Aww tsumie, that was so cute!! you got so protective over your mum!" , he can still hear his mum's laughter from the other side, so he decides to speak up: "Seriously mama?? You also decided to bully your son like this?"

He hates how much he loves both of you, although it is a different kind of love, he could never choose only one, he's glad that it was all just a prank.

"You still walking to the store." "Tsumu!!"

Oikawa

I just have a feeling that Oikawa's parents are divorced and he lives with his mum, either that or that he isn't particulary close with his father, so he really cares about his mother

You decided to do this prank while you were eating together in your apartment

You had already explained his mum the prank earlier, so you quickly messages her to call you right now

"Hi Ms. Oikawa! To what do i owe this pleasure? You smile brightly

Oikawa glances up and wonders why his mum called you, but he doesn't pay too much mind to it and just shouts a little "Hey mom!"

You act as if you and his mum are having an important conversation, like "Yeah, we could do that. Hmhm, i understand."

Until you said "What? No, i can't do that, don't pressure me to do that please." Oikawa looks up from his plate, frowing when he sees your distressed face, he whispers a small "whats wrong?" but you ignore him

"I don't understand why are you acting like a bitxh right now, but i already told you i dont want to." you deadpan and hang up.

Oikawa is very confused, like, did he hear that right?

"Did you just call her a bitxh?" he asks, anger boiling up

"Ah? sorry it just slipped, but i was really angry"

"That doesn't mean anything Y/n, even if you are angry you can't call her that. She is my mother for god's sake!" he screeches.

He gets up from the table, taking out his own phone to call his mom while getting out of the kitchen: "Hello ma? i'm sorry for what Y/n said, i gave her a piece of my mind. Tell me now, what happened?"

You smile as Oikawa registers the words from his mother, who is laughing at him but also being proud of him since he defended her.

Oikawa hangs up after whining to his mum and returns to you with suspicious eyes.

"You even dragged my mother in this, why are you so cruel to me?" he whines.

“What can i say, she just loves me like that” you reply smugly

Oikawa swears he is done with your shit, but still uses his own hand to wipe the food on your chin and kiss your stupid face.

”I hate you for this prank, but Im glad … im glad it was just a prank, i wouldn’t be able to handle it if the 2 women i love the most in this world hated each other. I love you, both of you”

your heart melts, with a slight feeling of guilt, you kiss him back, letting him know that his mother is just like your own mother, there’s no way you wouldn’t get along.

”Am gonna tell your mum about this prank.” he says, aware of the fact that you're getting your ass whooped if your mother finds out that you called his mother a bitxh, even just for a prank.

”Tooru, PLEASE NO”

Bokuto

i should go to hell for pulling this on baby Kou :(

you and Kou were about to go to a party, one of the msby winning parties and you both wanted to look the hot and sexy couple okay, so you wore a nice short smexy blue dress while Kou wore a white shirt with the first two buttons undone and black pants and he looked just muah muah *chefs kiss*

thing is that Kou‘s mother wanted to meet him too to congratulate him for the victory and since her house was on the way, you both decided to stop by

you thought that maybe this would be a good time to pull the prank you have been thinking of, although you are pretty sure you are gonna fail because you don’t trust your acting abilities, but then again Kou might not notice your hidden smile if you just hide it behind your arm

so you text his mom about the plan while he is driving and hope that she sees it soon, and she does, agreeing to your evil plan

as soon as you both enter the house, she lets you both in with a wide smile and a kiss on your cheek and starts complimenting Kou for his amazing skills in the match, to which his son stands up proudly, chest bigger than ever

but here comes the oscar winning acting of his mother hihi

She looks at you with arrogant, and lowkey intimidating eyes: “You both are going to the party right? didn’t know you were allowed to dress like that at such parties“ she spits, gesturing to the shortness of your dress and your bare shoulders.

Kou is confused, he does not understand what the hell is happening and where did that come from

”What do you mean?” you ask, frowning and putting up your best act.

”I mean, do you really have to wear such a shameless dress? You should wear that only in front of Kou, not other men” you are surprised at how good she is at this.

”Mum, i dont think you sho-“ Kou tries to intervene but you interrupt him. ”Why are you being such a bitxh to me right now?” you exhale

”Y/n??” bokuto is SHOOK poor baby why do u do this to him sjshshs

”Me a bitxh?? have you seen yourself?“ his mom doesn’t miss a beat!

at this point Bokuto can’t take it anymore: “Stop. Both of you. Y/N, you can’t call my mum that, no matter how big the fight is. Apologize. And mom, there’s nothing wrong with Y/n’s dress, we are not in 1950 anymore, you should apologize too.”

HE IS PRECIOUS STFUUUUU

You and Mrs. Bokuto stay still for a minute until you both start to laugh out loud, leaving a dumbfounded Kou. “It was just a prank baby, you were so cute” you wheeze, while Kou still is perplexed by your little act.

”OH GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE FOR REAL, WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME” “ Mom, you’re really evil!!” he cries, and hides in the kitchen, sulking like a baby, you have to promise him to cuddle with him for at least 2 weeks ANY TIME HE WANTS.

” Kou, you know, you were kinda hot when you stopped us.”

Akaashi

you were lowkey scared of doing this prank, because,,, cmon how can you not be, its Akaashi we are talking about, he may not show his angry side often but he is pretty intimidating when angry, you know this since the day Atsumu accidentally spilled coffee on his new fave book he was reading at Onigiri Miya, while the twins were fighting over something stupid as always. Keiji did not go to Onigiri Miya for 2 and half weeks and did not talk to Atsumu for nearly a month, not until the blonde gifted him a copy of the same book with a mini apology note.

So, back to us, you decided to go with this prank because you wanted to see more reactions from Keiji, who always treats you like a princess

Keiji was vacuuming the house when you fake-called his mother to ask her the recipe of a dish she made a long time ago for you

You were talking to no one, but Keiji doesn’t need to know that, so you continue with your acting

��I see, so i have to add garlic after everything and then take it out? hmhm”

You have a whole dialogue with your own self lol, but Keiji stops vacuuming when he hears you yell: “Well IM SORRY i never made this dish before, i was just asking for help. You dont have to be a bitxh about it.”

Keiji’s eyes widen, as he takes huge steps towards the kitchen, where you are battling with pots and spoons.

”Y/N.” he calls out with the firmest, and creepiest, voice you ever heard from him. Since you started dating, he never called you by your name, always using “Love, sweetheart, darling” and many more, but never your name, not with that tone.

”Apologize to her Y/n. Right now.”

”But Keiji…” you whisper, but he doesn’t want to hear any excuses.

”Did you not hear what i said? Apologize to her, right now. We’ll talk later.”

and you do, you apologize to your phone, even though no one is on the other side. Once you had done so, you turn to Kaashi, who has relaxed his shoulder a little bit with a less hard gaze.

He is still angry, but he knows that you wouldn’t say something like that to his mum with no reason at all, so he tries to comprehend the situation

”Tell me now, what’s wrong? why did you call her that?” he is serious, and you want to punch yourself because you are sure that if you tell him that it was just a prank now, he is gonna get real mad, maybe even more than when you insulted his mum.

”I’ll tell you, but promise you won’t get mad?” you ask, innocently

”Is it something i should be mad about?” he frowns

”Uhm, will you be mad if i told you it was just a prank?” you ask sheepishly, showing him your call logs, where his mums name is inexistent

He gives you a silent treatment for the whole day sjshjsnss

[jaskiers-sweetkiss]

Coffee Shop Kisses

Pairing: Yelena Belova x Female!Reader

Word Count: 1.5K

Request: something soft with Yelena from @bright-molina

Summary: After moving back to her small Ohio hometown, the reader bumps into an old friend at her favorite coffee shop.

Warnings: none ?

A/N: Happy incredibly belated Birthday Bianca!!! Sorry this took so long for me to write but I really hope you like it!! This fic has everything: the gays, some light pinning, and chai lattes !

Masterlist

___

You couldn’t believe you were back in your small Ohio hometown. When you moved away after high school it was never your intention to come back but clearly, fate didn’t have the same plans as you drove through your childhood neighborhood.

It was nostalgic, driving through the familiar streets despite the changes in the neighborhood since your childhood. While the houses had mostly remained the same, you knew many of their occupants had changed. The Browns no longer lived in the house two doors down from yours, having retired to Florida not long after their children had moved out, and many other family’s you’d known growing up had followed suit. Others had downsized to smaller houses in other parts of the city, no longer needing the extra space. Now the neighborhood was filled with new families, young parents taking advantage of the location to raise their children.

Still, the atmosphere was largely the same, and if you let yourself you could almost imagine that the kids playing in the front yards and the street or biking through the neighborhood, calling out to friends as they passed, were the kids you’d grown up with.

It was strange, being back home. It felt stranger still to call it “home.”

It didn’t take long for you to fall back into a routine, despite the lingering nostalgia. You woke up every morning with just enough time to get ready and drive downtown to work, if you were lucky you’d end up with a few extra minutes to stop into your favorite coffee shop from your teenage years, which was conveniently located a couple doors down from your office. It was simple, sure, but it worked for you.

On the weekends you always made a point to walk to that downtown coffee shop with a book or some other activity, preferring the ambiance and the subtle noise of the building and its other patrons over the still silence of your house. Plus they had amazing drinks so you really couldn’t lose.

Normally you enjoyed taking in the hustle and bustle of the small town around you as people completed their weekly errands, but that day you were lost in your head as you walked along the sidewalk. It wasn’t as if you were thinking about anything in particular (when reflecting back later you’d merely blame it on having had a long week at work), but rather than enjoy the people watching as you normally would, you let them all pass you by without a single glance, all the way down the street and into the line at your coffee shop. You ordered your usual without much fanfare, still having the presence of mind to drop your change into the tip jar on the counter. It wasn’t until you had gotten your drink that you were thrust out of your thoughts, quite literally.

You had only just turned around from the counter, about to start scanning the cafe for a seat when you were knocked to the ground, your drink spilling in your hands.

“Oh my god, are you alright?” Disoriented and still in a haze, the thick Russian accent of the woman who had spoken caught your attention.

A hand reached down into your line of sight and you took it gratefully, managing to keep the pitiful drops of unspilled chai latte in your cup as you were pulled to your feet.

“Let me buy you a new drink,” she offered though you barely heard her.

Now that you were back on your feet you got a better look at the woman who had bumped into you. She was of average height and had her blonde hair pulled into a double ponytail. You didn’t know any Russians but you could’ve sworn you’d met before.

“Do I know you?” You blurted out before you could think and the other woman blinked at you in surprise, brows lifting slightly.

“Perhaps,” she shrugged, “I used to live around here when I was younger.”

You narrowed your eyes at that, certain you would’ve remembered growing up alongside a Russian family, everyone you remembered was as American as they come. It was a small town in Ohio, after all.

“So did I,” you spoke slowly, still trying to ponder it out in your head. “Over on Brown.”

Her eyes narrowed at that, now scrutinizing you as well.

“I grew up on State Street.”

That’s when it clicked for you. You remembered them; family of four, two daughters. Natasha used to ride her bike down your street all the time which meant the woman in front of you must be…

“Yelena?”

“You remember me?”

“Yeah, holy shit! Your sister rode her bike through my mom’s flowers one time by accident, pissed her off for the whole summer. Plus, we went to preschool together.”

“Wait, Y/N Y/L/N?”

“In the flesh,” you replied, spreading your arms out dramatically.

Yelena took that as an invitation to really study you then, eyes flitting up and down as she fully took you in.

“You grew up quite nicely,” she spoke, tone appreciative and you found yourself blushing.

“I- I could say the same thing about you,” you stumbled over your words, feeling flustered. “I don’t remember you being Russian.”

You mentally cursed yourself for once again blurting something out before you could even think about it.

Yelena laughed at that and you couldn’t help but find yourself smiling at the sound. She had a cute laugh. It was fitting.

“Yes, well, my ‘family' and I were actually part of a Russian spy organization, sent to infiltrate a nearby SHIELD facility for some information, so,” she shrugged and you laughed at first, assuming she was joking before you realized she wasn’t laughing along.

“Wait, seriously?”

“Why would I lie?”

You fumbled around with your words at that, unable to come up with a proper response but feeling as though you needed to say something anyway.

“How about I buy you a drink and you tell me about it?” You finally settled on saying and Yelena’s brows lifted again in surprise.

“Sure, but I’m buying the drinks. I owe you for spilling your first one.”

You nodded in agreement, somehow having forgotten all about your spilled drink in the excitement of reconnecting with an old friend. An old friend who was very attractive, if you were being fully honest with yourself.

With new drinks ordered and retrieved, the two of you made your way to a small table by the front window of the cafe. True to your agreement, Yelena explained to you that her “family” when she’d lived in Ohio wasn’t actually her family at all, the entire thing fabricated for their mission, and that after their success she continued to work for the organization before finally getting out as an adult. She skimmed on a lot of the details but you got the sense that the entire ordeal was traumatic for her so you didn’t press. Though, you were quite amazed that the woman across from you (and the tiny blonde girl you’d played dolls with as a kid) was a former spy and assassin. In comparison, your own life story was much less exciting, though you guessed it also held much less trauma as well. Still, Yelena asked and she listened intently as you explained how you’d wound up back in your hometown all these years later.

After that, the conversation seemed to flow seamlessly from one topic to another, and it was so nice to talk to a friend and catch up that you didn’t even realize how much time had passed until you went to take a sip from your long-forgotten chai and found it ice cold. You checked your phone and were surprised to see that nearly two hours had passed and while you were planning on spending much longer at the cafe anyway, it still caught you off guard.

“Oh, I’m sorry, am I keeping you from something?” Yelena asked, having noticed you checking the time.

“No!” You rushed to reassure her before flushing slightly at the knee-jerk reaction. “No, I just hadn’t realized how much time has passed. It’s been really nice to see you.”

“It’s been nice to see you too, perhaps we can do this again sometime?”

“I’d like that a lot.” You tried to fight the heat that you felt rushing to your cheeks once more. You weren’t sure if she meant it the same way you did.

“Me too,” she replied softly, ducking her head so that her face was out of view. “I actually do have to get going but maybe we can meet here again next week?”

“Absolutely!” You nodded, trying not to seem too eager and failing miserably. “It’s a date.”

Once again the words slipped out on their own accord and you were left scrambling to do damage control.

“I- I mean like, y’know-”

“A date is good,” Yelena cut you off with a smirk, though you could’ve sworn you could see your own nerves reflected in her eyes.

“A date then,” you agreed, flashing a nervous smile.

“Goodbye, Y/N.” She stood from her chair with a smile, pausing on her way to the door to press a quick peck to your cheek, and then she was gone.

You sat there, still as a statue, for quite some time afterward, your fingertips lightly grazing over where Yelena’s lips had been moments before. You really loved this coffee shop.

[theluminoussunflower]

lover's feign

after mr dalton's teaching was reinstated, everything with the new poets sort of died out

despite the disappointing past amelia learned about, she had come to terms with what mr cameron and her dad had to do to protect themselves

stephanie talked to her mom about what happened with mr dalton and straightened things out a bit

things are back to normal

as normal as things could be at welton of course

the gang still go out to the cave to share poetry, or sometimes just chat

the cave had become a nice oasis for the six of them

if they don't bring poetry, it's fine!

they can just listen or comment along

if they just don't feel like going one afternoon because they need to nap after extracurriculars, no pressure! see ya next time!

the second closest oasis, of course, is mr anderson's class

where they have a blast talking about poetry, writing it, analyzing it

typically continuing their conversations in the cave

but they always look forward to seeing mr anderson

they all do really well in his class, and truly care about the content and what mr anderson has to say

even evan, who is steadfast on following his father's footsteps into law, starts seeing the profession through a different lens

that maybe he could be doing more, be more (as mr dalton said)

"i'll remind you, mr overstreet," mr anderson says one day when evan brings up the topic, "that law is a noble pursuit, we need lawyers, we need judges, we need politicians, but just as much, if not more, we need the romantics, we need verse to guide us through those pursuits"

some of his teaching methods are a bit interesting

one time, they all went to the soccer pitch and read a line of poetry then kicked a soccer ball as hard as they could

another time, they strolled around the school and had to write a poem about the ambiance

(about four students wrote about the disgusting smell coming from the kitchen)

another time, during a test, he put up rather provocative photographs of men and women

still not sure what that one was about

but he has a good method

his students are genuinely interested in his class, when most of them wouldn't otherwise give a shit about poetry

one day, mr anderson says the words

"you must compose an original work, from what you've learned so far," he says "i don't expect perfection, but i expect you to put your best foot forward"

yeah okay fair enough

"you'll perform it in front of your peers come monday"

HUH

it sends the new poets into a riot

richie, who can barely form a sentence in front of a class, absolutely panics

like nearly shit a brick

amelia, who enjoys writing poetry but rarely shares it with anyone, also completely panics

this will be the time she has to prove herself as todd anderson's daughter

what a mountain to climb for a nearly-seventeen-year-old girl

"i know, i know, i know," mr anderson says seeing the wide eyes filled with fear "i had the exact same reaction, i promise you everything will be fine, i will personally beat up any kid who makes fun of you"

richie will need that he's literally like five foot four

"it can be about anything," mr anderson continues, "it can be about yourself, something you've experienced, the morning, the night, the sun, the moon, the sky, the stars, anything! but make it impactful!"

"maybe punching your dad in the face mid-performance would be impactful," evan says with a heavy sigh in the library after about an hour of trying to write

"it'd definitely be memorable," amelia says, "don't think it's happened"

"help me out, what rhymes with constellation?" pittsie says sitting upside down in his chair

"start over," richie mumbles

"that doesn't rhyme with—OW!"

charlie gets genuinely worried about these kids

"mr dalton, is crayon one syllable or two?" lacey asks him one day

"uh, depends how you say it, why?" charlie asks

"i'm trying to get my rhythm down"

"okay, i meant questions about the fourteenth amendment"

"oh, yeah, no questions"

amelia goes to her dad's apartment one night

"is abb a valid rhyme scheme?"

"amelia, it is two in the morning, please go to sleep"

they try rehearsing, it doesn't go well

"evan, through and though don't rhyme"

amelia and stephanie are in their dorm, half-asleep on the floor

amelia keeps looking at her poem and looking at stephanie

she's pretending she's still working on it

but she's psyching herself up for reading the poem the next day

"are you worried about tomorrow?" stephanie asks

"yeah," amelia mumbles, "i'm just... afraid that people will read into it"

"writing something personal?"

amelia nods

"well, just say you made it up," steph shrugs, "i don't think anyone will care"

"what if i do?"

stephanie looks up

"what if i want someone to care about what i'm saying?"

"i'll care," stephanie says, then smiles, "i always look forward to what you have to say"

amelia stares for a moment, then looks back at her poem "care, but don't think"

"i will blindly follow your every command, miss anderson"

and the girls laugh

mr anderson's class comes faster than expected

stephanie and pittsie collaborate in a sense, both writing poems about space

stephanie's poem is about the moon

and pittsie's poem is about the leo constellation

evan's poem is a love poem, that makes a few students snicker, about a woman running in a green field

and richie's poem is about a duckling being reunited with its mom, which above all else, was just cute

"thank you, mr cameron," mr anderson says with a big smile, "that was adorable, truly captures the motherly instinct that courses through the fauna on this planet"

mr anderson slowly makes his way to the other side of the room, where his daughter sits and clears his throat

amelia bows her head, her hair hiding either side of her face

"i can still see you," he says

some students laugh

"come on, let's get this over with," he says

amelia looks at the poem she wrote, and cover it with her notebook, "i don't have a poem"

todd looks at his daughter, the same position he was in thirty years before, "you don't have a poem?"

amelia shakes her head

todd stands behind her and places his hands on her shoulders, "my daughter thinks she has something to live up to, that anything and everything she creates will be disappointing, isn't that right, honey?"

amelia scowls at her dad, feeling her face go bright pink

"stand up for me real quick, amelia," todd says, "stand up"

she does

"now come over here," todd says leading her to the far corner of the room, "you too, mr pitts"

pittsie obliges and follows the andersons to the corner

"now amelia, hold your wrists up together like this," todd says demonstrating

she does

"and mr pitts, hold her wrists together," todd says

pittsie slowly wraps his hands around amelia's wrists, holding them together tightly

"and make sure she doesn't leave this corner, okay?" todd says to pittsie

pittsie nods

todd makes his way back to amelia's desk and picks up the poem, "ah, i knew it was in here somewhere"

amelia tries to free herself from pittsie's grasp, but since he's a full foot taller than her, he has the advantage

"read a word of that and you're dead to me," amelia spits at her dad

todd looks back at his daughter, "that's your worst fear, isn't it? me reading this poem, because then it's not your voice, it's mine, and the words you want to say will no longer belong to you"

amelia stares at todd

"the only way these words will be yours, is if you read them yourself"

"fine," amelia growls through gritted teeth

"mr pitts, let her go," todd says

amelia walks to the front of the room and snatches the poem from her dad's hands

she stands in front of her classmates, all their eyes weighing on her

and she reads:

how happy is the sovereign girl who sings away her pain and brushes the dirt over her lover's feign

and instead wishes to be burnt from her desire, or shot from the sky better, let the flame run low through the rye

the deviltry bright yellow, above all others is the haze never forget the bronzy and jaundiced blaze

that sizzles away her desire and screams out in wondering "that maybe, truly, she was meant for me"

her eyes glance up to stephanie, whose mouth is slightly agape, eyes somewhat sad

it's richie that starts the applause

on the way back to her desk, todd approaches amelia, brushes the hair out of her face, and smiles

"my girl," he whispers for just her to hear

"whatcha think?" pittsie whispers to stephanie

blushing, stephanie shrugs and says, "it was all right"

~

fun fact: i can't write poetry to save my life, leave me alone

also if anyone wants to write the other poets' poems, go ahead, i will kiss u on the mouth (platonic... unless?)

anyway taglist!!! (tell me if you want to be added or removed)

@chloe-octavia

@aedan-mills

@regina-della-poesia

@justarandompjofan

@sapphicnoel

@iguanamuppet

@maisietheweltoncow

@finding-an-angle

@srj901

[reidingandwriting]

"Deja Vu"

Word Count: ~2300 words

Ship: Peter Parker x Stark!Reader (ex/platonic?), Peter Parker x Michelle Jones

Warnings: A curse word or two, slightly OOC moments but it is fan-fiction so :)

A/N: I'm in love with this song and had to write this. Popped this baby out in 3 hours, and I'm pretty happy with it. Side note: I created my own timeline for this lmao. Morgan exists, but they don't live in the cabin. Reader is mentioned to be fem once or twice, but reads neutral besides that! Reader is Tony's kid but it could be read as adopted/his bio kid.

“One strawberry ice cream, just for you.” Peter said as he set the cup down in front of MJ, a single spoon dipped in the light pink dessert. MJ immediately started to eat as Peter took a seat beside her, and you and Ned were seated across from the couple at a local ice cream shop you had discovered. The one where you had taken him, where you had convinced him to try the strawberry ice cream instead of the vanilla he always got. You scooped a spoonful of your rocky road ice cream a little too aggressively, unable to eat your favorite ice cream flavor anymore.

“Thanks, Parker, it’s really good.” MJ said and Peter nudged her shoulder.

“Mind if I steal a bite?’

“Of course I mind.” MJ deadpanned and Peter blanched before MJ smirked at him. “Go ahead, loser. Just one.” MJ gave him a look and Peter saluted.

“Scout’s honor.” Peter took MJ’s spoon before he took a bite, and you barely held back the scowl as you looked over at Ned. He gave you a sympathetic smile and tapped his foot against yours under the safety of the booth. You brushed your shoulder against Ned’s while Peter and MJ were too entranced by each other to notice.

“If you get any ice cream on my jacket, I’m burning yours.” MJ’s words were menacing, but you all knew she was (mostly) kidding. Peter scoffed and held his hand against his chest in mock offense, the sleeves of MJ’s jean jacket comedically too short on Peter’s arms. MJ was dressed in Peter’s Midtown hoodie, the same one you had worn just a few months ago.

You thought it would have been funny to switch jackets, knowing your jacket would look funny on him, while you wore Peter’s oversized hoodie. And now here was MJ, wearing the same sweatshirt, while Peter wore her jacket. Have any original ideas, Parker?

“Earth to Y/N.” MJ waved her hand in your face, and you snapped back to the present. “You okay? You zoned out there for a minute.���

“Yeah, sorry. Morgan decided she wanted a sleepover last night, so we just had to build a pillow fort in my room, and that felt fantastic on my back. Almost as great as her practically laying on top of me all night.” You chuckled. “And you know I couldn’t move her, she’s got me wrapped around her finger.”

“And she knows it.” Peter said and you smiled over at him.

“Speaking of Morgan. She’s been asking me all week about if you want to come over sometime this weekend. She’s in a big Lion King phase, and she wants ‘her Petey’ to come have a pajama party with her and have a sing-along. She’s Nala, of course.” Ned snorted and Peter’s face fell.

“I can’t this weekend. MJ and I are having a Glee watch party this weekend, can you believe she’s never seen Glee?” Peter asked and you felt a pang of jealousy in your stomach.

“Oh, really?” You asked. Much like you hadn’t seen it either, until six months ago. “It’s pretty iconic, but also the worst show ever. Singing along is pretty fun, just being annoying. Really fun.” You thought back to when you and Peter were in your room, doing the same thing.

“Don’t stop believing!” Peter stood on your bed, using the remote as a microphone to serenade you. Peter looked at you expectantly, and you rolled your eyes before singing the next line, just as enthusiastically as he did.

“Hold on to the feeling!” Peter cheered and you couldn’t help but laugh at him. “You’re so annoying, Parker.”

“As annoying as this show?”

“Almost.”

“Then I’m not quite done yet.”

“Raincheck next weekend, maybe?” Peter asked and you shrugged.

“I’ll have to check with Madame Secretary. She’ll likely be over The Lion King by next weekend, it’ll be ‘baby stuff.’” Your phone buzzed and you excused yourself before checking the text.

Iron Dad: Hey, kid. Are you busy?

You: A little. Why?

Iron Dad: Pep and I have an emergency meeting for work, and Happy’s sick so he can’t watch Maguna

You: I’m on my way. Give me five to say goodbye

Iron Dad: Thanks, Y/N/N. We owe you one

You: You owe me several. Love you

Iron Dad: Love you tons

“I’m sorry, guys, duty calls.” You smiled, albeit a little sadly, at your friends. “I’ll see you Monday at school?”

“We better. We have a project in chemistry due on Monday.” Ned said and you flipped him off.

“Science is my best class, you know I’ve had the project done and Dr. Banner approved since the project was announced in class.” You winked at Ned before waving at MJ and Peter. “See you later, lovebirds.” You internally cringed when ‘lovebirds’ came out more bitter than you intended. With goodbyes exchanged, you left the ice cream parlor, and you bit back the tears you felt beginning to build up. Did he feel it, too? Did he remember that you did that, too? Was he ever going to tell her all the ‘unique’ things Peter’s done were reused, that you had found them first? You wiped at your eyes before you hailed a taxi, and you shoved all your feelings down to be at your best for your little sister.

--

“Y/N, Y/N, Y/N!” Morgan barreled down the hall when you stepped out of the elevator, and you barely bent down to catch her in time as she collided with you.

“Morgan, Morgan, Morgan!” You scooped your sister up into your arms and peppered her face with kisses until she was laughing, and your mood immediately lifted at the sound. “Where’s Mom and Dad?”

“Mom’s at work, Dad’s in his room. He’s leaving us.” Morgan pouted and you copied her expression.

“Oh, no. You’re stuck with me tonight. Too bad I’m not tall enough to reach the juice pops in the freezer.” You gasped. “Oh, wait. I am!” Morgan thrusted her fist into the air with a cheer, and you set her down. “I need to go talk to Dad real quick, then we can do almost whatever you want.” You emphasized the almost, knowing she’d ask for something you definitely shouldn’t do, then argue that you said ‘anything.’ You definitely saw a career in law for her when she got older.

“Kay-kay. I’ll go get coloring books, then we get juice pops?”

“Deal.” You offered your pinky out, and she linked pinkies with yours before she ran off to her room. You shook your head fondly before you walked off to your dad’s room, and you knocked on his door before coming in. “Dad?”

“Hey, kiddo. Come on in, I’m just packing a few things for Pep.” You walked over to the bag your dad had packed, and you began to inspect everything. “Have I been approved?”

“I think I need a hug before giving approval.” You opened your arms and your dad happily pulled you into his chest, and he held you close, as if he could sense your feelings.

“Are you okay? Do I need to stay?” Tony rubbed your back and rocked you gently, and you buried your face deeper into his chest, your eyes watering and you gripped his shirt tighter, a habit you developed when Tony first took you in- you always grabbed onto him like he was your security blanket, and Tony quickly learned there was no use in getting you to let go until you were ready.

“No, I’m okay.” Your voice was muffled but you made no effort to move yet. “Mom needs you.” You paused. “You’ll be back soon, right?”

“Luckily we’re just headed to the New York headquarters. I hope we’re home by midnight, but I’ll tell you when we find out for sure.” You nodded and let go of your dad, and he brought his hand up to cup your cheek, and he wiped your tears away with his thumb and the action almost made you cry again. “Ben and Jerry’s and sad movies when I get back, or should I get a few punching bags set up in the gym?”

“Ben and Jerry’s.” Tony nodded and pressed a kiss to the top of your head, and you patted his arm, telling him he could continue packing. “ Don’t forget Mom’s favorite lipstick. She always keeps one on her, but you can never be too safe.”

“Lifesaver.” Tony said before he went back to packing.

“I should go check on Morgan, let you finish getting packed.” You said and Tony smiled at you, a softness in his eyes reserved solely for you, Morgan, and Pepper.

“Have I ever told you that you’re the best big sister?”

“I do my best.” You smile back before leaving. Fingers crossed she hadn’t made a mess already.

--

You laid in bed, scrolling through your camera roll with tears streaming down your cheeks. You pressed play on a video and let out a choked sob as you watched. You and Peter were seated at the piano in the living room, and your fingers moved gracefully across the keys, playing one of your favorite songs that Peter had begged you to play for him. The familiar sounds of Billy Joel’s ‘Uptown Girl’ filled your ears, and you sang along as you played. You turned to Peter, nodded at him, and he began to play the same song after you. You hugged him at the end of the song, grinning since he had finally learned it, and you began to play it again, Peter joining you in singing along. Not even that was reserved for you and him anymore, as you had learned recently.

“I didn’t know you played.” You said as MJ took a seat at the piano, Peter seated beside her.

“Oh, I just learned. Peter taught me the one song he knows how to play.” Your heart sank and now Ned was curious.

“What song?” Don’t say it, don’t say it.

“Uptown Girl.” MJ began to play, and you felt your lip begin to tremble. Your song. The one you had taught him. You looked away as Peter quickly pressed a kiss to her cheek after the first chorus, and he whispered something into her ear. You turned to Ned and dove deep into a conversation, refusing to cry in front of them.

You jumped when you heard a knock on your window, and you grabbed the baseball bat you kept by your bed. You would have called for Bucky or Sam, but the pair were off on their own mission. You got out of bed, wiping away your tears, and you walked to the window, bat at the ready. “FRIDAY, who’s getting knocked to next year with my bat?”

“It appears Peter Parker is the one outside your window.” Peter? Of course it was.

“Lights on dim, FRI.” You set the bat down and opened the window, and Peter popped into view. “Peter? What the hell? You almost gave me a heart attack, dude.”

“I’m sorry, I know, sorry. I didn’t plan on coming out here, but I needed to talk to you.” You gestured for Peter to come in, and you suddenly realized how you had to look to him. You were in a shirt you had stolen from Thor- what? His shirt got mixed up with yours, finders keepers. You were in an old pair of sweatpants that were covered in various stains- paint from Morgan, some grease from Tony’s lab, and a bleach mark from where you and Peter were goofing around in the lab and you spilled some mystery chemical on your pants. And let’s not even talk about your puffy eyes and the tear marks on your cheeks from a night of crying.

“About what?” You sat on your bed, eyes not meeting Peter’s.

“About earlier at the ice cream parlor. You seemed really… spaced out. Not yourself. And I caught you scowling once.”

“I didn’t scowl.” You tried to defend yourself but you sighed, knowing he was right.

“And ever since MJ and I started dating, you’ve just seemed different. You’re not, like, jealous, are you?” And you couldn’t help but laugh. Truly laugh, which caused Peter’s brows to furrow. “What’s so funny?”

“You think I’m jealous! Why should I be jealous?” Peter frowned at how you weren’t taking him seriously, and he was confused.

“You know, we had… a thing. Not that we dated, but I mean, we were really close you know.”

“Oh, I know.” Like a switch, your emotions flipped from sad to frustrated in seconds. “And I’m seeing all these ‘things’ we had all over again.” It was Peter’s turn to start getting irritated, and he crossed his arms.

“Oh, really? Like what?”

“Strawberry ice cream at the parlor, you can’t act like we didn’t do that. Trading jackets, we did that shit too. Teaching her piano when I taught you, how do you not get deja vu?” Peter opened his mouth to talk and you held your hand up. “You’ve got a different girl, but there’s nothing new. I discovered those places you take her, I showed you Glee, I taught you the jokes that you tell to her. When are you gonna tell her? She thinks it’s special, but it’s all reused. I know I get deja vu, don’t you?” You had started to cry again, and Peter started to defend himself until FRIDAY spoke.

“Y/N, your father and mother have returned home. You may want to continue this conversation later.” You looked at Peter who wordlessly nodded. He walked to the window, and he paused before he spoke.

“We’ll talk Monday after patrol. Bye, Y/N/N.” You whispered goodbye before he left and you shut the window before you dropped to your knees, letting out broken sobs.

“I get deja vu when she’s with you…”

[blanknamed]

trial and error pt. 3 [senku x reader]

I had a lot of issues writing this chapter for some reason. I think I ran out of creativity for a good few weeks so I kinda struggled trying to keep Senku in character. I really just wanted to get the third chapter out though so I hope you like it!

SHIPPING: SENKU X READER

PREMISE: [Name] had always known Senku was a little bit of an oddball but that’s what made him so interesting to her as children. Now in the Stone World, he’s only even more interesting what with his claims about shooting up to a million years worth of technology back, but some things never change with him; specifically on the concept of love. As a way to get him to think about it as something other than “disgusting feelings” she proposes for him to think of it differently, though it seems to be going in a direction she never expected.

PART ONE - PART TWO - PART THREE

{–*–}

CHAPTER THREE: FINDINGS

He was standing near his base by the time [Name] was done. From the looks of it, he had tried to dress up as well, even if it looked like the littlest effort was made. His hair stayed as big as it was, but what seemed to be a makeshift bowtie was settled on his neck (albeit lopsided, but [Name] didn’t really expect much from him in the first place).

“Jeez, who dressed you up, the local village boys?” She asked once she was within hearing range with Senku.

Scowling, Senku only shook his head. Flicking the strip of rag around his neck, he said, "Chrome and the bumbling fools of guards obviously haven't gone on dates before."

"I don't think you have much room to talk. Besides I’m pretty sure that was obvious," [Name] replied humorously, remembering when Ginro couldn't even look her straight in the eye during her and Senku's first few months at the village. "Why would you ask them of all people anyways?"

Senku raised his eyebrow, as if finding the question peculiar. "Who should I have asked?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe the married men in the village?" [Name] suggested, watching as Senku furrowed his brows even more. Giggling, she shoved his shoulder. "So much for being a genius. What, were you so nervous to go on this date with me you forgot something as simple as retrieving data from the most obvious people?"

Senku rolled his eyes. "I'm busy with other things--saving the world from going back another thousand years in society, being one of them.” He reasoned as he turned his head away from her.

[Name] only laughed at him, pushing him to forward so they can start walking towards the woods. “Let’s just get this date other with, shall we? You didn’t forget to plan, I’m presuming?"

“Of course I didn’t. Do you take me for some idiot or something?” Senku asked as he peered at the younger girl, who only gave him a knowing look. Instantly, he shook his head. “No don’t answer that. It was a rhetorical question.”

“Oh, I don’t know…” [Name] trailed off. “Remember when you were so caught up in one of your projects you ended up putting too much laundry detergent in your washing machine?”

That day had been burned into her memory--it had probably been the only time she’d seen Senku visibly panic over something so mundane. They were helplessly watching the washing machine shake violently and become a soapy mess in it’s little area for almost an hour until Byakuya came home to a disgustingly sweet smelling hallway and two elementary school children covered in bubbled up laundry detergent from head to toe. 

“Don’t remind me; I smelled like laundry detergent for two months.” Senku muttered.

“It was funny, though. Definitely took thoughts away from my dad and brother.” [Name] replied happily. She didn’t need to turn her head to see that Senku had immediately spun his head toward her at the mention of her father.

A warm silence followed between them, no doubt Senku was thinking of something to say--should he say something about it? Should he brush it off? Senku had known [Name] enough to know that, while he never took anything like emotions too seriously, she wasn’t exactly emotionally attached to much either. He didn’t doubt for a second that [Name] thought about her family during those late night preparations she partook with him when Kohaku or Chrome couldn’t stay up past the 20th hour like they did.

He also didn’t doubt that she had done the same thing he had done once she thought her family over--understand the probabilities of seeing her mother and finding her father and brother’s grave were most likely slim and choosing to focus the task at hand: saving the world from total chaos at the hands of Tsukasa and his wildlings. So, she kept it silent, just like she always did.

Should I even mention anything about that? He wondered to himself as he helped her walk down a narrow junction between some large trees. They’d known each other long enough to understand each other without much verbal communication. Even after not having much contact once Senku entered middle school along with the whole thousands of years of being petrified in time, they still had a weird connection with each other. Maybe that was why he decided to free [Name] of her stony confindes; no one else could read his mind or understand what he’s thinking like she does.

Whatever route he took, it wouldn’t be awkward, he finally concluded when they reached the river. He let [Name] hop on the rocks that stood above the water before following suit. “Right, that was the day they got into that car accident.” He stated once they reached the other side.

[Name] hummed. “Mom was stuck at the hospital all day and wanted to take me with her; I couldn’t bear the smell there. It was too clean. So I went to your place thinking you might need something since you’re so useless--OW!” She rubbed her head as she glared over at Senku, who looked the other way, acting as if he hadn’t just slapped the back of her head so hard it made her hair flip over her head. “Anyways, I thought you needed me for something and apparently you did, but I don’t think an eight year old could have done much if a ten year old couldn’t do anything except stand around and watch the mess. It was funny, though. Mom and I laughed about it after a few years.”

“Glad to know my endless suffering and pure shock brought joy.” Senku said sarcastically, though [Name] could pick up the light heartedness behind it.

Elbowing him lightly so he can turn to look at her, [Name] smiled at him. “Well just so you know every time I think of the dad and brother, I also think of you with a bubble beard right after.”

Senku, for a moment, felt something turn before he wrinkled his nose. “Did you just family zone me? During a date?” He asked disgustedly. It was his turn to get a slap on the back of his head.

“Seriously? That’s what you took away from that?” [Name] asked, irritated. She decided to look forward as they kept walking, however it seemed as though they walked mindlessly through endless amount of trees. “Where are we going anyways?”

“Just a few more feet. There’s a clearing close by; I think you’d like it.” Senku said as he nudged her forward.

[Name] covered her eyes as she began to notice leaves becoming lower and lower to the point that she had to duck and sometimes even squat to get through some spaces. Man, if I knew this would happen, I would’ve worn something besides this kind of dress, she thought reluctantly as she watched the ends and edges of the dress get dirtied. Still, she persisted as she had been curious as to what the clearing had looked like. She hadn’t gone so far in terms of exploring for the past few weeks; winter was coming and Senku needed every available person possible to help prep the village for the freezing season. She spent hours lining and sewing furs onto their cloaks and coats to the point that she left little prick marks on her hands permanently.

“Okay, we’re here.” Senku announced once they both managed to stand again. Shaking a few leaves away from her head, [Name] looked up to see a green clearing, like Senku said. However, he never said how… Ethereal it was. Wild flowers, ones she vaguely recognized to be new versions of flowers from the past, spread across the spanse of the field. Lightning bugs flicked and glowed every now and then, being the main source of light besides the makeshift lantern Senku was currently crafting beside her.

“Whoa,” was [Name]’s only response. “Don’t tell you found this last minute just for a date, Senku.”

A snicker followed right after. “No. I found it a few months ago when trying to collect foxtail millet for the noodles. Let’s keep walking, though. This isn’t what I wanted you to see.”

It’s not? [Name] thought as she let Senku lead her further past the clearing, walking around the flowers as best as possible. The walk was silent, which surprised [Name] since Senku sometimes never did keep his mouth shut when it came to his little experiments. Could it be he's taking this date more seriously than she expected? She let that thought cross her mind as she watched him walk ahead of her. Not possible. If anything, he might just be keeping things a secret since I'm the test subject. [Name] thought to herself. Why would he even take this seriously in the first place?

"Look I know this is a date and all, but could you not glare at me?" Senku finally piped up, looking at his companion warily. "You look like you're about to plot my murder?"

"Who said I haven't already?" [Name] quipped, finally shaking herself from her thoughts. "Anyways, where did you take us, Casanova?"

She laughed as she watched Senku's face scrunch up in disgust at his nickname. He opened his mouth, ready to spew an insult before he stopped himself, staring at the shorter girl. Sighing, he just waved a hand forward. "Look above you."

"Above…?" [Name] questioned as she craned her neck. She sucked in a breath as she looked at the lightened sky above her. Of course, she's had plenty of nights where she stood outside to marvel at the stars and sky--she had never seen it so bright pre-petrification. She had thought that was the brightest and clearest she'd ever seen when she was in Senku's observation tower. 

That is, until today.

"It's so… So…" [Name] started, but couldn't quite put her words together. She felt Senku brush up against her shoulder as he finished for her.

"Beautiful." He complimented as he stared up as well. 

The sky was littered with various shades of purples, pinks, and blues. There wasn’t a coud in sight, which allowed the stars to litter across the dark plain above them. Faintly, she can make out certain constellations, pointing out the ones she wasn’t too sure to her companion, who nodded in confirmation to all of them.

"Who knew we'd get to see the sky as non-polluted as this." Senku said as they continued to keep watch over the sky.

"You took the words right out of my mouth." [Name] laughed. "I thought the observation tower was something else, but you really outdid yourself here, Senku. I didn't even expect you to walk this far without having you get carried by Chrome or something."

"Killing the mood." Senku replied, flicking her forehead, though [Name] made sure to take notice of his shortened breath he tried to hide. She pretended to feign ignorance even further when she let him walk behind her, catching his breath behind some bushes and then shuffling around until he finally brought a basket out.

"Suika should've given better instructions on where to find this thing." The spiky haired scientist said. "It looked like it got buried under a bunch of dirt instead of sitting plain out in the open like she said."

Senku opened the lid, raising an eyebrow as he pulled out two bowls of his notorious green ramen, wrapped tightly in large leaves to keep it from spilling. With it came a makeshift picnic blanket (though, it just looked like old scraps of dresses sewn together over the years; no doubt Suika had asked one of the older village women if she can borrow it). Together, they worked to keep the blanket down, placing heavy rocks at the corners to keep it from flicking upward since the wind picked up a little stronger from where they placed themselves.

"This ramen tastes gross." Senku groaned once he settled down, though it didn't stop him from continuing to eat it. [Name] only rolled her eyes as she ate it herself (though she did have to agree with Senku; the ramen was gross, but she put up with it anyways), basking in the windy air.

“I’m surprised you haven’t said anything yet about the information you’ve gathered for this date,” [Name] said. “Usually you relay the data to me once you get it all down."

“Can’t exactly tell the subject about the data I’m gathering about them.”

“Oh but you’re dying to tell me, aren’t you?” [Name] pushed. Truth be told, she was more curious on just how exactly he thought of the experiment. Sure, she had been the one to suggest it, but she had zero idea on what his plans are--what were his variables? Was he gathering information? Was he including numbers or was all of this just pure observation? There was no doubt in her mind that someone was observing them as well; most likely Kohaku since she’s better off at hiding and watching without being noticed once.

“Maybe. I’ll tell you after I’m done with this whole experiment.” Senku replied as he took a sip of the water packaged with them before handing it off to her. [Name] took it graciously, taking a few sips as she thought about his wording.

Quirking up her eyebrow curiously, she asked, “Wouldn’t that be tonight?”

“No.”

“No?”

“No,” Senku confirmed. “You think one night will determine this whole thing? It might take more days actually--a few weeks even. I’ll gather all my information, relay it to you, and then confirm whether or not love is just a construct of emotions for me. Which it will be, from the information I’ve gathered.”

[Name] watched him in disbelief. There was no way she actually heard that correctly. Weeks? How’s that going to work? Would I even last a few weeks managing to go on more dates with this idiot? She questioned. “Wha-- I-- Don’t you have a grandiose plan that requires all your time and attention?”

She only received a shrug as an answer. What the hell does that even mean? She questioned herself as [Name] watched Senku stretch. He was the one repulsed by the idea of going on a date. Why would he extend this to weeks? She let herself wonder, pulling all the probable possibilities as to why he decided it so suddenly. Sure, Senku was right about not being able to gather enough information from just one date, but he could have easily just done one or two more nights of their little experiment dates instead of presuming it down to a matter of weeks.

Finally it finally hit [Name]: he was hiding something. What it was exactly, she’s not entirely sure, though she knew Senku was probably planning something stupid that could most likely put him in danger, or worse killed, which in turn would cause her to intercept and talk him out of it. He was probably using this date shenanigans to distract her from his death inducing plans.

Squinting her eyes at him, she decided to hold back on her on findings. After all, if he isn’t bothering to tell her what he’s gathering on her, she’ll do the same. Instead, she sighed, opting to make it seem as if she should have known. “You’re unbelievable.” [Name] replied.

“Oh, I know. That’s what gets you on your toes right?”

PREVIOUS PART - NEXT PART

[luckyspacerabbit]

would you ever share the background you created for kai leng? i'd be so interested in hearing it!

Hehe, yes! Thank you for waiting anon. I wanted to really think this through and make sure I was working with all the possible details of his character.

Okay, so my goal with fleshing out Kai was not to excuse him as a villain or to necessarily redeem him, but to humanize him and hopefully incur sympathy because I find his depiction as a mysterious lackey boogeyman to be 🙄 one dimensional and playing on racist tropes like the yellow peril ✨ (also bioware making him predominantly chinese + a lil russian. extrapolate what u will lol)

So here is my background for Kai :) Lots of childhood headcanoning and then some general talk about his character/why I chose certain elements as I did (such as dumping that dumb phantom blade for butterfly swords AEORHIG)

Childhood: According to the wiki, Kai is Earthborn, and from his general heritage we can assume that he grew up in Northern China (omg that's where my ancestors are from). The most populous city there is Beijing, which, if there was a spaceport or alliance recruitment anywhere, it would be there.

I headcanon that he was born to a bit of an unsteady family, where it was likely there was estrangement and unsafe conditions between the mother and father that may have created a sense of helplessness and neglect from a young age.

In my canon, Dan Hyun's mom, Hannah Shepard was the head of an agricultural research facility on Trident, and was an old friend of Kai's mom (From University, possibly).

As conditions worsened throughout Kai's childhood, his mom decided to take a chance and flee with Kai (age 10 at the time) to Hannah Shepard's science facility on Trident (Sentinel Agricultural Research Facility), where she and Kai would stay for about two years as his mom worked to save enough money for their own place .

Since Dan Hyun was already being homeschooled, it was easy enough for Kai to join up alongside her.

Dan Hyun (12 at the time) was extremely happy to have a friend since life on the facility could be really lonely-- but with all these changes Kai was having a difficult time adjusting, especially when Dan Hyun felt put off by his competitive attitude. After so long feeling neglected and growing in a tumultuous home environment, he craved external validation: homeschool provided an avenue for that. They developed their own academic-based competitive rivalry that counted towards friendship, but grew distant when he moved out with his mom about two years later.

When Dan Hyun was 18 (Kai at 16), she managed to apply to an Alliance Research Training program and receive admission-- something that was considered highly prestigious, despite her parents' reluctance. Kai had already begun to build resentment towards her due to the way her parents treated her (very preciously, sheltered, and without exposing her to the difficult parts of life) in contrast with what he lacked in family and world kindness, creating a drive to supersede her and compete with her once again, if only to have tangible proof that just because he began in a lower place didn't mean he couldn't surpass the vision of success.

After this event, they would strike up a still somewhat friendly rivalry again that continued until Kai enlisted in the Alliance at the age of 18 (his attempts to join directly at 16 failed in my canon lol, but he sure tried )

Alliance Service:

Kai took the combat-driven route while Dan Hyun was receiving training for her eventual research establishment in Akuze, meaning that in their line of work, they never crossed paths-- Though they maintained occasional communication and met up here and there whenever Kai was back from his tours.

This is where I believe his decline truly began.

Some habits, like his desire for tangible proof of success and seeking external validation, manifested more heavily in this time. Collecting badges off of dead soldiers (To remember his skill first hand) is a notable one, but I speculate he relied heavily on the word of his commanding officers to counter his self-esteem. Titles were incredibly important because they were proof. When he began to feel a loss of control which led to emotional outbursts and breakdowns, he would fall back on these bits of evidence that he had done something, anything.

The weight and violence of service combined to break away his mental strength and conditioned him to that of a soldier.

Famously, he was discharged in 2186 after his N7 designation. In a bar fight on shore leave, he murdered a Krogan (OKAY. Listen. The wiki says "first-degree murder" but first degree requires premeditation and bar fight implies heat of the moment. So IDK I think the details around this one are a little fishy. He was on leave but he was a soldier, so ? he probably just had a weapon on him? Okay, I'm not excusing him but premeditation is a bit different from manslaughter so just something I've pondered. It separates intentional killers from accidental murders).

At this point, he is formally incarcerated and set to serve a twenty-year sentence.

Cerberus Contact:

The year is 2177, and Kai has lost everything he's ever worked for. His prestige is gone, he is at the worst place he has ever been, his mom won't talk to him, and he has no one. He had even stopped hearing from Dan Hyun, the only person he could have considered a friend once.

Through a small TV in the prison, he is able to hear about the attack on Akuze, and its one survivor: Alliance Scientist Dan Hyun Shepard. In the attack her biotic abilities (Which she had kept secret for many years) were revealed, prompting immediate recruitment into the N7 Program and a contract for ten years of service. This drove Kai into rock bottom-- while he had nothing, Dan Hyun was steadily on track to uprooting the only thing he had ever felt like he had accomplished.

This is when Cerberus intervened, promising him a home, freedom, belonging, and success.

So of course Kai agreed. Why wouldn't he? He had nothing left in his miserable life and there would never again be a place for him.

Cerberus Intervention:

It's my belief that Kai wasn't necessarily "alienphobic" in the beginning. Instead, I think The Illusive Man saw a very clear opportunity to recruit and nurture a broken man into a pawn of service. TIM is incredibly smart-- everyone who works for Cerberus is. He knew what Kai needed was validation, the promise of success held directly on the tip of his tongue to drive him into tenacity and action.

Organizations like Cerberus, even in real life, prey on people at weak points, fulfill their needs and drape their ideology on top like icing on a cake. That's not to say that Kai is completely innocent-- he ate the sweets and readily threw the world to the side in order to attain more-- but it does give some perspective.

Kai in Cerberus:

In ME2 we know there is some apprehension on Kai's part about the role Shepard will play. He is already starting to feel slighted from failures with Rasa and takes even the possibility of rejection from TIM extremely hard and with violent emotional outburst. This evidences how much TIM has whittled him away over the decade of service. Kai feels as though he owes everything to TIM, that TIM saw something in him-- failing him is disproving that and accepting what Kai has feared all along: that he truly is a worthless and incapable person.

Kai and Shepard:

Kai is best known for his direct antagonism towards Shepard in the events of ME3, directly killing their allies and potential love interests in a way that is extremely personal. Yes, it is part of the job, but at the same time, it's clear Shepard gets under his skin. It's because in the end, after all that setup, Shepard is the one person who can take it all away from him.

They can replace him as TIM's prodigy/ They can bring an end to the organization that gave him everything (From his cybernetic enhancements (uh indoctrination cough couch) ) to his purpose in life. Kai threw it all in with them because he didn't see another choice.

My Canon: The End

So how do things end for Kai in my canon?

As you're aware, you can unalive him, violently. But Dan Hyun is very emotional and due to their shared childhood, I like to believe that there was still a grand feeling of kinship between them, a recognition of the other due to shared insecurities. I don't think there was ever a time Dan Hyun looked at Kai and saw anything other than her slighted friend (which is very romanticized, but SHE is very romanticized), it was just about getting Kai to see that too.

She locked him down the best she could, yelled, cried, and beat the shit out of him, but ultimately, preserved his life. After the crucible had been fired and Thane (alive ofc) attended to, she sought to right things between her and Kai: whatever form that takes. Who knows if he'll ever be able to live comfortably in society again-- but at least here, he has the chance.

Random Tidbits:

Some notes! At his best, I like that Kai is portrayed as Loyal, Hard Working, Methodical, Clever, Tenacious, and Factual. I think sometimes he can be written off unfairly as wimpy or scared, but in truth, he's very sure of his abilities and able to calculate his chances extremely well. He's smarter than fandom gives him credit for.

He has an interesting conflict between arrogance based on title and humbleness. He knows he wants to be the best but he never airs it-- like when Rasa suggests that he wants to be the leader for Humanity but he grows quiet and says to just focus on where things are at right now.

His time as a soldier absolutely affected him in ways I think sharpened him to the killer he became. It instilled values that remained with him in Cerberus, such as when he berates Bates for abandoning his squad and calls him a traitor. Kai doesn't betray-- he's quite literally ride or die.

Also? The ninja sword is super dumb because Kai is Chinese and the swords and Phantom's themselves are designed to appear Japanese in aesthetic. Ninjas= Japanese, but China did have their own sect of Assassins which I believe gave birth to Wu Ching as a type of Martial Arts? Or was drawn from it hmm

To keep to accuracy, Kai would have trained more towards their martial art techniques which focuses on close combat and quick movements, as well as the use of dual blades called butterfly swords (You'd likely recognize them as a set of rogue daggers).

That's all for that meta! Phew. If anyone actually read to the end, hey wassup, hope you enjoyed, and take most of this with a grain of salt since it's my headcanons and background work :) Thank you again for reading!

[tlcwrites]

Two Hearts Make a Whole

Prompt: “Kiss me again, like you mean it.” Photo prompt below.

Summary: NYC Pride is for celebration, and occasionally, long-overdue revelations.

Word Count: 2,001

Tags/Content warnings: Marvel. Stucky. If you have a problem with it, there's the door. SFW. Slight TFATWS spoilers so read at your own risk. Platonic Reader. Two idiots in love. Technically canon-divergent because I'm still in my everyone-is-alive-and-in-this-timeline happy place that I will never ever leave fuck you very much Russo brothers but not AU. Found family. All the feels. Complete and total LGBTQ+ support. Lots of bad language words because #me. Un-beta'd.

Author’s Note: Okay so yes this is technically 4 weeks late for @autumnleaves1991-blog's Writer Wednesday weekly challenge. BUT, it was incredibly important to me to finish this one before Pride month is over. Made it by the skin of my teeth.

Happy Pride, y’all. If you’re out, you’re amazing. If you’re closeted, you’re amazing. However you identify is valid and important. Trans folx are LGBTQ+. Bisexuals are LGBTQ+. Ace folx are LGBTQ+. Anyone who identifies or thinks they may be as queer is LGBTQ+. All are welcome in the family. You have the right to choose your pronouns and we have the responsibility to use them. Live whatever your truth looks like to you and love each other. Love is love is love is love. If your family doesn’t accept you for you, I’m your mom now and I’ve got mom hugs available on demand. Homophobes and TERFS can fuck off and roll in poison ivy. Always punch Nazis. Pride shouldn't be limited to the month of June. And don’t you dare forget that Black and Brown trans women were the ones who rioted at Stonewall, and we owe everything to their bravery. Don’t forget that much of popular ‘gay’ culture was appropriated from Black women. And for more facts about Pride that you should absolutely know, Rawiyah Tariq (@ mammyisdead on Instagram) has a phenomenally good overview.

“Oh my god.” You gasp loudly. "Oh my GOD. Is that-"

“What?!” Instantly in First Avenger Protective Mode™️, Steve surveys the crowd, wishing he had an actual shield instead of the screen printed one on his shirt. “What is it?”

You gasp again, smacking Sam’s arm repeatedly. “OHMYGOD IT IS HOLY FUCK.”

“First; ow.” Now-Cap rubs his bicep. “Second; clue in the class before Steve has an aneurysm, please.”

Vibrating with excitement doesn’t begin to describe your current state. “HER ROYAL HIGHNESS MISS LEMON MERINGUE IS STANDING RIGHT FUCKING THERE.”

With the finesse of a shampoo commercial, Bucky's dark locks fly as he whips around. “What?!”

“RIGHT THERE RIGHT THERE RIGHT THERE.” You abandon a relieved Sam and latch on to Bucky’s vibranium arm. “Oh my GOD I love her so fucking much.”

“She was robbed, absolutely fucking robbed,” he agrees, craning his neck to get a better view. “Divine Tension’s lip sync was shameful.”

Sam glances at Steve, who is slowly coming out of protector mode. “What the ever-loving hell are they talking about?”

“RuPaul’s Drag Race.” Nat flicks more confetti at both Cap-the-former and Cap-the-current. “They watch it every week.”

“Really, Steven, for a guy with enhanced super senses, you miss a lot.” Tony hefts a bedazzled Morgan higher on his back. The toddler, accompanied by Scott playing air-piano on the ground, sings along with the ABBA song being blasted at full volume through the street. Tony continues as if this is an everyday occurrence. “Why do you think both of your People disappear every Friday evening?”

Ears pink, Steve mumbles something.

“What?!” The only other one with hearing enhanced enough to hear a murmur over the cacophony of several thousand people belting out the chorus of ‘Dancing Queen’ at the top of their lungs, Bucky turns to stare at his friend. “You thought we were datin’?”

Steve’s blush extends down his neck.

You and Bucky stare at each other for a moment before you both collapse on each other, exploding into stomach clenching, thigh slapping laughter.

“I’m gonna guess that’s a ‘no’?” Clint confirms with Nat.

“Oh, a big ‘no’.” She watches affectionately as you and Bucky calm down enough to look at each other, breathe for a second, and both promptly dissolve into hysterics once more. “Like, the biggest ‘no’.”

Sam crossed his arms across his chest, his stoic stance so reminiscent of Steve it’s amusing (as well as a beautiful disparity to the sequined crop top he’s sporting. Oof, those abs.). “How do I not know about this?”

“Because you’re not a former super spy?” The usually-Black-but-today-Rainbow Widow tosses the last of her confetti at Tony, who spins a jubilant Morgan into it. “Or because you and that leggy barista from the lobby coffee shop are too busy playing hide-the-“

“-Baby Shark!” Morgan suddenly shrieks, flailing towards a guy on roller blades wearing a fin and tail (and not much else).

“Yeah,” Nat finishes with a smirk, “Hide-the-Baby Shark.”

Sam flips her a gesture that makes Clint laugh and Bruce sigh.

You and Bucky have finally managed to pull yourselves together. “Oh my god, Steven Grant,” you gasp, wiping tears from your eyes. “That’s the funniest fucking shit I’ve ever fucking heard.”

“Language!”

Steve glares at Tony. “One. Time. It was one. Time.”

Bucky slings his flesh arm around Steve’s shoulders. “Oh, punk. You may have perfect vision now, but sometimes you’re still as blind as you were before.”

Visiortn himself nods sagely. “Humans can be quite unperceptive when it comes to matters of the heart.” Vision casts a fond smile at Wanda, who is using her powers to make Pietro’s tinsel wig fly on and off. “Sometimes you have to look harder to see what’s right in front of your nose.”

A confused frown on that handsome face, Captain Clueless looks at Bucky. “Why do I feel like everyone else knows something that I don’t?”

His bestie sighs deeply. “Because, Stevie, almost everyone else on this planet knows that my tastes tend towards tall, blonde, blue-eyed knuckleheads who have zero sense of self-preservation.”

“And an ass you could bounce a quarter off of,” Scott helpfully supplies.

“And that,” Bucky agrees.

Steve frowns.

You press your palms to your eyes in vexation. “You, Steve. He’s talking about you.” (Seriously, how has this idiot survived for over a century while being so dumb?)

Whatever he was expecting, it was certainly not that. “He-“ The Man With A Plan gapes as he turns to his oldest friend. “You-“

“Me,” Bucky says gently.

Even though you’re slightly surprised that Bucky is going to do this in such a public forum, you can’t help but be so proud of your friend. It has taken a long time for Bucky to believe he deserves to be happy. There are days he still sinks into that dark place, where his inner demons whisper that he should have fought harder against his Hydra captors, and that his past actions were still somehow his fault. Those are the days no amount of baking or Modern Marvels will bring him out of his funk. You, Steve, Sam, and Nat have all held those strong shoulders as they shook with sobs, overwhelmed by the shame and horror at what his hands had done without his consent.

But he’s here. He’s free. And he’s smiling nervously at his best friend.

“I-” Steve is short-circuiting. “Me?!”

“Stevie.” With the kind of tender patience that can only be born of a lifetime of keeping (or attempting to keep) an idiot such as one Steven Grant Rogers from flinging himself headlong into every fight he comes across, Bucky moves his flesh hand to the back of Steve’s neck. His face is full of such soft affection that you almost want to look away for fear of intruding on this suddenly intimate moment. “What do you think ‘til the end of the line’ means, you idiot? You’ve been it for me since I was thirteen-years-old.”

Blue eyes are locked with blue eyes as Steve processes this revelation. “I-” He shakes his head as if to declutter his thoughts. “This whole time?”

“Since the first time I saw that asshole knock you down, and your scrawny ass climbed right back up.” A wry chuckle escapes as Bucky reminices. “You were ninety pounds soaking wet, and you stood there, against a guy who was three times your size, and never waivered for a second. It was magnificent.”

“I don’t like bullies,” is Steve’s quiet response.

Bucky’s grin is adoring. “I know, sweetheart.” He gently strokes the back of Steve’s neck with his thumb. “You’ve always had a heart way bigger than your brain.”

Steve is still back on the first part of Bucky’s admission. “If you’ve felt- if you-” He’s practically pleading. “Why didn’t you say anything then?”

Bucky shrugs, attempting and failing nonchalance. “It was a different time, you know?” He’s uncharacteristically unsure of himself, the subtle waiver in his voice revealing the anxiety born of a lifetime of being forced to hide his truth. “I mean, you remember how it was; you didn’t talk about, no one talked about- about being- about people like...” He swallows thickly.  “And I was so scared you didn’t, that you weren’t-” His voice breaks.

Even though you’ve all been emotionally invested in this love story for years, the entire team respectfully pretends not to listen as the former Winter Soldier quietly admits his deepest secret to his closest friend. It’s enraging as Bucky confesses yet another way he's been a victim of his circumstances, and denied his right to live freely without derision. Once more, you’re awed by his resilience.

“-it was a risk I couldn’t take,” Bucky finally gets out, that stubborn fire back in his eyes. “I couldn’t lose you, Steve. I couldn’t chance it. I could live with just being your friend and only your friend so long it meant you were in my life.”

Stunned silence meets the end of his confession. Steve’s face is impassive, those cerulean eyes uncharacteristically inscrutable.

You can all tell Bucky is heading steadily towards dread and heartbreak the longer Steve takes to respond. You and Sam exchange a look, both ready to intervene if Steve demonstrates any of the abhorrent attitudes that were so prevalent in the society of his youth. It would be completely out of character for him, but...

Finally, Steve speaks. “You’re telling me,” he says, his words slow and deliberate, “that you made me wait ninety-three years to tell me you’ve felt the same way about me as I have about you since the day you picked me up out of that alley?!”

The whole found family breaths a collective sigh of relief as Steve pulls Bucky even closer, broad chest to broad chest.

“Okay, to be fair, you were an ice cube for most of that time and I wasn’t exactly available for a relationship.” Bucky’s grin stands in contradiction to his mullish defense. “But yeah, that’s the gist of it.” There’s the Bucky you all know and love, biting his lip with those perfect white teeth. “Now, punk, I’d really like to kiss you now, but first I need you to say you want me to.”

“You-” Steve’s throat works as he attempts- and fails- to rein in his emotions. “You jerk.”

And then the Star Spangled Man seizes the president of the Sometimes-Former-Assassins Club by his ridiculously perfect face and crashes their mouths together.

At any Pride event, seeing two men kissing is, obviously, to be expected. But seeing The First Avenger and The White Wolf attempting to swallow each other’s tongues is not at all routine. As people realize what is happening, the crowd is whipped into a frenzy the likes of which is usually reserved for the aftermath of sporting events and elections that defeat fascists.

Watching the two men embrace, Scott sniffles loudly. “I’m gonna cry, I’m so happy.”

He’s certainly not the only one. Wanda has a watery smile as she wraps her arms around Vision and Pietro; Pepper, Tony, and Bruce are watching with fond parental energy; you and Sam sandwich Peter between the two of you, grins practically splitting your faces. Even Nat’s eyes look suspiciously shiny and she and Clint sling their arms around each other with platonic affection. And that’s not counting the several thousand people who are cheering for love being love being love being love.

When they finally break their embrace, the Centennial twins are startled to see they’ve collected quite an audience.

“Uh, so…” Suddenly bashful, Steve glances back to his- partner? Boyfriend? Soulmate? Is there a word that can accurately describe two people who have found each other time and again in a world that seems hell-bent on keeping them apart?- his ears practically maroon with embarrassment. For a guy with one of the most-recognized faces in the world, Steve is still incredibly and endearingly uncomfortable with attention. “Buck?”

Bucky seems just as stunned as Steve.

Thankfully, the masses demonstrate the usual support that’s the hallmark of Pride. “LOVE IS LOVE!” someone screams in the crowd. It’s quickly echoed, and chants fill the park.

The attention momentarily off them, the former Winter Soldier and his giant himbo of a soulmate look back at each other. You pretend not to watch through the happiest tears as they embrace again, bringing their foreheads together. The relief they share is palpable, as they’re finally able to show the world- and each other- the love they’ve each hidden for so long.

Bucky’s voice is so soft you have to strain to hear it. “You have no idea how much m’in love with you, Stevie.”

“Pretty sure I do,” Steve answers, bringing a hand up to carefully wipe the tears from Bucky’s face. “‘cause it’s as much as I love you, Buck.”

Bucky's answering grin can only be described as saucy. “Then kiss me again, like you mean it.”

And Steve, for once in his long life, does exactly as ordered.

---

A/N: “The Sometimes-Former-Assassins Club” is from Starry_Emerald173’s BRILLIANT The Avengers Wrangler over on AO3. If you haven’t read it yet, drop what you’re doing and do so immediately. Make sure you're not drinking any liquids, or your keyboard/phone may be in peril.

[krreader]

BTS scenario → your child that you raised together, despite not being together, playing matchmaker.

pairing: bts x reader fandom: bts warnings: / genre: fluff word count: 2.3k+

a/n: ooooh, I loved this so much, I really hope you enjoy reading this my loves ♥

kim seokjin

Despite her young age, your daughter had always known that there was something going on between you and her father.

It wasn't easy trying to explain surrogacy to a child, so you never did, but maybe you should have, because it was getting increasingly more difficult to make her understand that you and Jin weren't a couple.

“Such a beautiful family,” an old lady commented while you and Jin were walking with your daughter through a park.

Jin and you had been friends and neither of you had met a partner that you wanted to spend your life with, but due to you not getting any younger, you both thought that surrogacy might be a good option for you. And it really was, you two raised your daughter together happily, despite not being together romantically.

“Mommy and daddy look good together, right?” your daughter said with a cheeky grin.

“Oh, they do, little one,” she knelt down in front of her, “You must be very happy to have such parents that love you and each other so much.”

Jin wanted to say something, but you simply grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly. You'd rather have that woman believe that, than make her understand why you went for surrogacy.

“They pretend like they don't sometimes, but then I see how daddy looks at mommy and how mommy strokes his hair when daddy falls asleep on the couch,” she giggled.

And boy, did you two blush from ear to ear while your daughter and the old lady had a blast exposing you two like that.

min yoongi

“Help me out, I think my mom and dad still love each other, despite them being divorced.. what should I do?”

That is the tweet that had started all of this.

Your daughter hadn't thought she'd get so much notes on it, but oh boy, was she wrong. Thousands of people retweeted it and sent her messages with tips on how to, first of all, confirm whether or not you and Yoongi were still in love with each other and then, on how to help you two get back together.

And some of them really came through.

“Thanks for dropping me off, mom,” your daughter smiled at you.

“That's what I'm here for, right?”

“And you're sure it doesn't bother you that dad's home?” the small shift you did in your seat was enough for her to start grinning, quickly turning her head to the side so you wouldn’t see. But she saw how you smiled.

“That's fine.”

Your daughter could barely remember the two of you being together, since you had gotten a divorce when she was still a toddler, but somewhere along the line, you two must have realized that maybe it had been a mistake. Because when she watched you get out of the car first and Yoongi standing there all nervous, scratching the back of his head, it was like the two of you were the teenagers, and not her.

And so once she confirmed it and was sure that she wouldn't do anything that would hurt either of you, she came up with a plan.

A plan that worked perfectly.

“It's too late to drive home, you can just stay here,” you said one night after your daughter had 'gotten sick' and Yoongi drove her back to your house.

“No, don't be ridiculous.”

“Stop and sit down, I’ll make something to eat. Besides, I'm sure she'd be glad to see both of us here when she wakes up tomorrow. It'll be good for her.”

Yoongi told himself that he was doing this for his daughter and not for himself. But if that had been true, he would have gone to your spare bedroom and slept there. Alone.

Instead, he joined you in the living room and you and him ended up talking until four in the morning.

And when your daughter woke up the next morning, she found you and him cuddled up on the couch, his arm around your waist and your face buried in his chest, both sleeping in the most peaceful state she had ever seen you two in.

That day, she sent out another tweet: “Mission accomplished. Thank you to everyone who helped.”

jung hoseok

How were you supposed to tell your son that the reason why you and Hoseok weren't together was because you had never actually been in a proper relationship? You and him had been friends and then friends had turned into friends with benefits and that's all it had ever been.

The sex had been amazing and, well, it still was, but you and him had a hard time being with each other romantically. On a more deeper level.

But your son didn't know that and neither of you wanted to tell him that. And so he must have assumed that the two of you still had feelings for each other when he 'locked you in the bathroom so you could finally work things out'. Those were literally his words.

“See? I told you we should just tell him,” Hoseok sighed heavily and sat down on the edge of the bathtub.

“Oh, so are you going to have that conversation with him? How his mom and dad are simply better at sleeping with each other than forming an emotional connection?”

At second thought, maybe not.

You sat down next to him and shook your head, “But you're right. We should have handled it differently. He behaved weirdly for the last couple of months. Maybe he thought that.. we were actually developing feelings for each other.”

“Yeah, right,” Hoseok crossed his arms in front of his chest and tried to act stubborn, while you just sat there next to him biting down on your lip.

Two hours. That's all it took for yours and his resolve to finally break down and finally – after fourteen freaking years – to talk about what neither of you had wanted to say. And you had your son to thank for that.

kim namjoon

Namjoon wished he could spend more time with his daughter, but with you living and working overseas and his daughter having decided that she wanted to attend school there, rather than in Seoul, school breaks was all he got if he didn't fly to visit her.

But those days that she was with him were his absolute favorite.

Right now, him and her were sitting in a small but beautiful café while she brought him up to speed on what had happened the last couple of months. Not that she didn't do that over the phone already, but face to face, she was able to properly tell him everything.

However, there was one thing that she hadn't told him yet. Mainly, because she wanted to see his reaction.

“Have you and mom talked lately?”

Namjoon's head shot up, “Why? Why are you asking?”

She grinned a little, “Oh, nothing, it's just, she's acting weird these days.”

“In what way?”

“Spends a lot of time on her phone, smiles a lot more and is in a better mood in general. I tried talking to her about it, but she's stubborn and doesn't let anything slip. I thought I'd ask if you knew anything about that. You two started talking again, right?”

Namjoon began scratching the back of his head, laughing and stumbling over his words.

It was useless. You weren't an idiot. You knew that him and her had started talking again, had overheard more than one conversations between them and knew that there was something going on. And from the way her father acted right now, she assumed that her hunch had been right and that they did start to get closer again.

And so she just leaned back with a smug grin and watched her father suffer.

park jimin

Your relationship with Jimin had always been a little unconventional.

When you were younger, you were fascinated by him. By his looks, his wealth, his charm. And he liked the innocence about you that he couldn't see in this industry anymore. And so you had started a relationship that could only be described as that of a sugar daddy and a sugar baby. And it went well. Better than that. Those were the best years of your life and Jimin enjoyed it just as much. There weren't really any strings, while at the same time, you knew that you were fully his and he yours. Whatever you needed, he got you and if he needed anything, you'd be at his door to give it to him, which often times, just was someone to listen to him.

You getting pregnant had not been the plan. But Jimin had never let you down and he didn't let you down then, he told you that, despite you and him not getting married for this baby, he'd still support you no matter what and so you raised your son together with him.

And the love and affection you still had was so obvious, everyone could tell that you two had a history. But it was your son that thought that maybe, you could have a future too.

“Hey dad, can I ask you something?” his son sat down next to him on the couch and waited for him to nod before he asked: “Mom and you go way back, right?”

“Of course, otherwise you wouldn't be here,” Jimin chuckled.

“No, I mean.. your relationship. It's.. deep. I see the way you two look at each other. Like there is some sort of connection that isn't just about me. I always wondered about that.”

His father became quiet for a moment, then he said, “Your mother has helped me a lot through life. And when she got you, I realized that I owe her everything. She gave me the biggest gift I could have ever asked for.”

“And yet, you're not with each other. Married, I mean.”

“You don't always have to marry each other to show how much you mean to each other, you know?”

“So she does mean a lot to you still.”

Jimin was once again quiet, but then he smiled, “I guess she does.”

Your son shrugged and got up, “I agree with you on the marriage part. But maybe you should tell her how you feel, who knows what might happen.”

Jimin couldn't believe that he actually considered taking dating advice from his son, but here he was, doing just that.

kim taehyung

“Oh, there they are,” Taehyung's mother immediately pulled you and your daughter into a tight hug, “I missed you both so much. Have you eaten? Oh, probably not, you two must be so hungry. Come inside.”

You might think that was a normal thing for the mother of your daughter's father to do right? True. But you and Taehyung had never gotten married.

You and him had been childhood friends and you had gotten pregnant very early from you and him  'experimenting'. It hadn't been ideal, your parents, his parents, everyone had been so disappointed in the both of you and even more so when you had decided not to get married. Why? Simply because you knew that Taehyung couldn't pursue his dream of becoming an idol if he did.

And so you raised her as friends.. as friends who could have been much more if you had only made different decisions.

And now that it's been so long and your daughter was older and your families saw just how well you had done by raising her as friends, it was all good again. His mother treated you like family, despite you not actually being that.

“Grandma,” your daughter pulled her aside and pointed at you and Taehyung hugging. And that wasn't just a friendly hug, that was him burying his nose in the crock of your neck and holding you so close to him that he was afraid you'd let go, “This isn't normal, right? Friends don't do that, right?”

“Your parents aren't just friends, my love. They're..-”

“What? They're what?!” but when she wanted to answer, her grandfather came along and pulled your daughter into the biggest hug you could imagine.

And when she managed to look at you and Taehyung again, she found her father brushing a strand of her behind your ear with a smile.

This wasn't normal. Everyone knew that.

But your daughter was tired of everyone pretending that it was. It was time for you and him to finally figure out what it was that you wanted, because playing around like that wasn't cutting it anymore.

She’d help. She’d help you two finally find your happy endings.

jeon jeongguk

“Uncle Jin? Can I ask you something?” your son sat down next to him, waiting for Jin to nod, before he asked: “Have you ever seen my mom and dad together? Romantically, I mean?”

“Why are you asking me this?” he furrowed his eyebrows.

“Dad once told me that when he went through one of the hardest times in his life, he confided in you. I'm assuming that by the hardest time, he meant the time where mom got pregnant with me.”

Jin sighed heavily, “You shouldn't be talking to me about this. It's not my place to tell you.”

“I'm not asking because I want to know what happened between them. I'm asking because I want to know if them behaving like they do now is normal. As a kid, I never really noticed, but now that I'm older and actually understand what's going on, I feel like it isn't.”

“Like what?”

“Like.. dad slept over last week. And not in one of the spare bedrooms, but in mom's. That's not normal, right?!”

Jin's eyes wandered over to the two of you laughing together, then back at your son, “They do that a lot these days?”

“Yeah. And it's frustrating me so much, because every time I ask, they say they're just friends. But I don’t do that with my friends.. do you?”

“Nope, I don’t, kid,” and with that, he got up and walked away before he’d expose something that he shouldn’t.

But your son had gotten his answer anyways.

[ssa-babygirl]

Out of My League [Part 4]

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Single mom!Reader

Word count: ~3.2k 

Summary: Why on Earth does everyone think you and Spencer are dating? That’s just ridiculous! Right?

Warning(s): the pining is strong with this one, alcohol consumption, i think there were like one or two swear words?? pretty tame

Author’s Note: OH MY GOD WE’RE BACK AGAIN!!!!! yeah it’s been WAyy too long I’m so sorry guys. ON THE BRIGHT SIDE!!! I’m almost done with the next part so the wait won’t be NEARLY as bad this time around. Ok love yall hope you like it!!!

[Previous Part] [Series Masterlist]

The play was a lovely way to spend your evening. You could hear Spencer beside you muttering the words along with the actors. The monologues were beautiful coming from the talent on stage, but it was nothing compared to your best friend’s whispers when he thought you couldn’t hear him. You looked straight ahead to the stage, fearing that he’d stop if you indicated that you were listening, but you still felt his eyes on you as he gently uttered, “I’ll follow thee and make a heaven of hell, to die upon the hand I love so well.”

Hearing the words you had read and swooned over countless times before coming from Spencer’s soft voice made a shiver run down your spine. 

Spencer Reid did not just give you chills, that did not just happen, you told yourself.

The chill that ran across your body contrasted nicely with heat in your face when you felt his gaze roll over your features. You didn’t always like the feeling when someone’s eyes were on you, but something about it being Spencer’s eyes felt… right. You weren’t uncomfortable, quite the opposite, actually. You found yourself being overjoyed in your seat, but you couldn’t tell yourself why.

Or at least you refused to.

When the show ended, Spencer led you out the door you entered from, and you left the library with a dopey smile on your face as you stepped into the chilly autumn night. The sun had gone down during the play and the streetlamps glowed white against the black sky. 

“You hungry?” Spencer asked.

“Starving.”

“It’s a little late for dinner, you think we’ll find a place?”

“It’s only eight o’clock, there’s gotta be somewhere.”

“A McDonald’s maybe?”

You laughed harder than you normally would, but his smile when he made his joke pulled an airy giggle from your lungs that you had no control over.

You wandered for blocks, finding restaurants that were still busy with long waits. A cute ice cream shop caught both your eyes from across the street and you and Spencer thought the same exact thing.

Some things really didn’t change since you were kids.

“You thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Of course I am, Y/N, why are we still on this side of the street?”

You crossed the road together, way too excited for grown adults to be about having ice cream for dinner. There was a line, but it was only a few people long, so you decided to wait for this more than worth it opportunity. As you approached the store, a young family was leaving. The daughter, a young girl in a pink sweater, was so focused on her cake batter flavored cone, she didn’t realize she dropped her stuffed rabbit. Spencer nearly stepped on it, but he picked it up and called after the family. They didn’t hear him, so he went after them and tapped the father on the shoulder.

“Hi, sorry, I think she dropped this.”

“Oh my goodness, Lucy, you dropped your bunny!” The mother shrieked.

“Thank you so much, really,” said Lucy’s dad, “Say thank you, sweetheart.”

“Thank you, sweetheart!” Lucy took the toy from Spencer and smiled.

About ten feet behind the scene, you were losing it. Spencer turned around after the family left and made a face while you laughed your ass off. 

“That was the cutest thing I have ever seen!” You giggled as he held the door open for you, “Thanks, sweetheart.”

Spencer cracked a smile and bit his lips, gaze dropping to the floor as he blushed.

Okay, maybe that was the cutest thing you had ever seen.

“I miss when Jamie was that little. He was so cute!”

“He’s still a cute kid!” The line moves forward, you’re next up. 

“Well, yeah, of course, he is! But now he knows what words mean and that’s not as funny.”

“Children learn through imitation, so it makes sense he copied things you did and said because you're his mom, he looks up to you.”

“He looks up to you, too, you know.” The family in front of you got their ice cream and left, leaving you to order, “Can I get a sugar cone of cookies and cream?” The girl behind the counter nodded and scooped your ice cream. She then turned to a catatonic Spencer, who was staring at you, cheeks flushed and lips parted. He snapped out of it and ordered a cup of rocky road with extra marshmallow fluff on top.

“What are you doing?” Spencer asked as you pulled out your credit card.

“Paying for our ice cream, what does it look like?”

“No, I’ll pay—” He reached for his pocket, but was too slow.

“Oops, too late,” you said, swiping your card and smirking. The girl behind the counter smiled and waved to you as you left. 

“Did you mean that? Jamie looks up to me?” 

You turned to look at Spencer, whose eyes were full of stars as he grinned back at you, “Yeah! Of course, he does!”

“Really?”

“Oh, don’t be so surprised, Spencer, you’re like his real-life superhero. You saved his life, genius, he wants to be just like you.”

“He wants to be a profiler?”

“Not necessarily. He thinks you’re a secret agent. Like a spy.”

Spencer chuckled, “And how do you feel about that?”

“Oh, it’s terrifying, I hate it.”

“Yep,” Spencer spooned some ice cream into his mouth, “That’s what I thought.”

“I mean, Jesus, Spence, I get retroactive heart attacks from all the shit you tell me about your cases, I don’t know if I want my kid getting into that. I’d worry even more than I already do.”

“You worry about me?”

“You can’t be serious.”

“What?”

“You’re my best friend, genius! Of course, I worry about you!”

You finished your ice creams on the metro and walked home in comfortable silence. As you turned the corner onto your block, you grinned up at Spencer.

“Thanks for playing tour guide today. I had fun. Haven’t gone out with friends since I moved here.”

“Why not?”

“Don’t have any friends here to go out with.”

His eyebrows jumped as he sputtered out a sentence, “Oh. W-well why don’t you come out with the team and me sometime?”

“No, they’re your friends I wouldn’t wanna intrude—”

“You wouldn't be intruding, you're my friend too.”

“Spence—”

“One of my teammates is having a dinner party tomorrow night. He’s a great cook and would love to meet you.”

You dug around your bag for your keys,  “I don’t know anyone else on the team!”

“You know JJ! And Derek, too. He’s been asking about you.” Spencer’s eyes dropped to his shoes again as your welcome mat became way more interesting than your face.

“Really?” He pursed his lips and nodded. You thought it over for a moment and decided, “Fine. Text me a time and address.”

His eyes snapped back to yours, “No, I-I’ll pick you up.”

“Woah woah woah, you’re gonna drive me around?” You laughed in disbelief, “Sorry, Doc, I know our whole dynamic has changed a bit ‘cuz we’re both grown-ups now, but I’m not sure either of us is quite ready for that.”

His smile finally flashed back across his face, “Come on, I owe you.”

“For what?”

“You bought the ice cream!” His voice was high pitched.

You matched his tone, “You took me to the Shakespeare library!”

“You took me to McDonald’s 106 times in high school! I’m sure the amount of money you spent on my food could buy the whole gift shop!”

Your jaw fell open, “You counted?”

“I can’t help it!”

You rolled your eyes, failing to fight back a grin, “Goodnight, genius.”

He bit his lips and smiled, “Goodnight, Y/N.”

You jam the key in your door and push it open, closing it with your body as you sigh, leaning your head back against it.

“That good, huh?” Said a voice from the living room, causing you to jump.

“Jesus, mom, what are you still doing up?” You sigh, clutching your chest.

“Well, I put Jamie to bed, I figured I’d wait up for you so I can hear about your date!”

“Wh- mom, what are you talking about?”

“With Spencer! How was your date?”

“That wasn’t a date!”

“Really? So you guys just walked around for hours in silence doing nothing?”

“We didn’t just walk around!”

“So what’d you guys do?” She asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Oh my god, mom.”

“You’re not denying anything!”

“Mom!” 

“You can tell me, it’s just us girls.”

“He took me to the Shakespeare Library! We got ice cream! That’s it! Nothing happened!”

“Shakespeare Library? Ice cream?” her eyebrows darted up so far it was almost like a cartoon character, “Toots, that’s not nothing!”

“It’s nothing. We just saw a play-”

“What play?”

“Midsummer Night’s Dream.”

Your mother closed her book and tossed it next to her on the couch. “Oh! You mean your favorite! Silly me for thinking this was a romantic outing!”

“It wasn’t!”

“Who paid for the ice cream?”

“I did.”

“Did he offer?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t let him.”

Your mother sighed, “You’re telling me it wasn’t a date, but all I’m hearing is that Spencer thought it was.”

“Then why didn’t he make a move?”

“So many reasons! He’s shy! He’s a gentleman! Maybe he thought you weren’t into him.”

“I’m not.”

“Then why are you so upset?”

Is everyone a profiler now? God!

“Mom, it’s getting late, I walked the length of the city today, I’m going to bed. You can stay over if you don’t wanna drive, but I’m getting some sleep.”

“Right, you need to be rested for tomorrow night. Got a dinner party to go to!”

“Were you listening?”

“The window was open just a crack, I may have heard some of the conversation.”

“Jesus…”

“What? You’re meeting his friends already, this is big.”

You groaned, dragging your feet up the stairs to your bedroom, changing out of your clothes, and hopping in the shower before cozying up for bed. Whether or not you wanted to admit your mom was right, you knew she was. And that terrified you. 

             (Spencer’s POV)

I rang the doorbell of her house at exactly 6:30, just like I said I would. Seconds later, the door swung open and revealed her smiling face shimmering with her makeup. I took in her outfit, a cute floral dress reaching the tops of her knees. I tried to make sure my eyes didn’t linger on the neckline for too long when I noticed a thin silver chain resting on her collarbone. A small heart-shaped pendant dangled from it. 

“Wow.” Was all I could manage, “You look—”

“Totally overdressed, right? Cuz I can dress this down a bit, I just need to change the shoes and throw on a jacket. You know what? I have another dress upstairs I’ll just cha—”

“No, Y/N, you look…” Beautiful, enchanting, stunning, like the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen, I thought about saying all of that, but instead, I just said, “Great.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” I tried to say it as sincerely as possible, “Are you ready to go?”

“Yep!” She reached around the door to take a denim jacket from a hook on the wall, throwing it over her shoulders, “Lemme just get my purse—” she glanced around the room and cut herself off with a groan.

“What?”

“I left my bag in my room. Here, come inside, it’s chilly out.” She rushed down the hall to hurry up the stairs to what I’d assume was her bedroom. I stepped across the threshold and into the warm home. There was a faint glow of light from the kitchen, where a child’s laugh bubbled from the room. I followed the sound and found Jamie and Mrs. L/N sitting at the table doing a puzzle.

“Oh, hi, Spencer!” She called.

“Doctor Spencer!” Jamie jumped up from his seat and ran to me, wrapping his arms around my legs. 

“Hey, little man!” I ruffled his hair and flashed a grin to Y/N’s mom. 

I heard the tapping of shoes descending the stairs behind me, “Okay, got everything, you ready?”

I quickly turned around at the sound of Y/N’s voice and saw her smiling at Jamie beside me.

“Goodnight, Jamie-baby, I’ll see you in the morning, okay? Have fun with grandma,” she cooed as she pressed a kiss to his forehead. 

“Goodnight!”

“Bye, buddy!” 

“Bye, Doc!”

“Have fun you two, be safe!” Y/N’s mom grinned as she waved us away.

“Oh my god, mom, stop.”

“Okay! Goodnight, my loves!”

“Goodnight!”

Y/N marched out the door and followed the path down to the street, where my car was parked.

“Last chance, Doc, want me to drive instead?”

I passed her to open the passenger side door for her, “Not a chance, I promised.”

“What a gentleman! Now let’s see if we make it there in one piece first.”

The laugh I let out was half-mockery, half-nerves, as I was not the best driver. I had a Ph.D. in engineering and understood more about physics than most people, but that doesn’t mean I knew how to focus well enough to apply that knowledge. When it is literally impossible for me to forget that I have a 1 in 96 chance of dying in a car accident, my hypervigilance does more harm than good.

“So who am I meeting? Who’s on your team?”

My anxieties were somewhat quelled by the sound of her voice, allowing me to pull my thoughts away from the possibility of becoming one of the 20% of fatal car crashes that occur in intersections.

“Well, you already know JJ and Garcia. Hotch, my boss—”

“Tall, dark, handsome? Never smiles?” 

I chuckled, “That’s the guy.”

“He seems fun at parties.”

“He’s actually not that bad. Just a bit too serious sometimes.”

“Okay, and who haven’t I met?”

“The host, David Rossi, Emily, you’ll love them.”

“Is Derek coming?”

IQ of 187 and I still don’t think anyone could have explained to me why that upset me as much as it did. It’s not like Y/N was my girlfriend or anything, she was allowed to want Derek, most girls did, so there was no reason for me to be jealous. She wasn’t mine to lose.

“Yeah. He’ll be there.”

We pulled up to Rossi’s mansion a few minutes later, after riding in semi-awkward silence. She waited for me next to her side of the car, not wanting to walk up to the door by herself. I reached out to place a reassuring hand on her shoulder as I drew closer. She gave me a tight-lipped smile before dropping her eyes to the ground between us.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m nervous, what if they don’t like me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, what’s not to love?” I didn’t even realize how much I meant those words at the time, so I doubt she understood how serious I was, but her smile softened and her shoulders relaxed slightly under my touch. I led her up to the front porch and rang the doorbell. Shortly after, Garcia opened the door and beamed at the two of us.

“You’re here! Oh my goodness, so nice to see you again!” She pulled Y/N into a hug that she very quickly accepted. 

“Hi, Penelope, good to see you too.” She pulled away and grinned at me, the worry mostly drained from her eyes now. 

“Come here, boy genius, you get one too!” She wrapped her arms around my waist and my face found its place in her blonde curls. We all went inside and saw the whole team sitting around a coffee table with glasses of wine in their hands. JJ put her glass on the table and got up from her seat on the cushy leather couch to hug Y/N. 

“You’re not one of mine, are you?” Rossi sipped his drink and eyed Y/N.

“Um, this is Y/N, my uh, my friend.” I stammered.

“Ah! You’re the doctor’s little lady friend I’ve heard so much about!” Rossi put his scotch down on the table and crossed the room to kiss her on both cheeks, “Lovely to meet you, bella, I’m—”

“David Rossi. Yes, Spencer’s told me about you. Nice to meet you,” she grinned, shaking his hand.

“Ah,” he scoffed, “call me Dave.”

“What? No fair!” Emily piped up, taking a big sip of wine, “You just met her and she gets ‘Dave’ privileges? I’ve worked with you for months!”

“Emily, look me in the eyes and try to call me Dave.” She looked at him and opened her mouth like she was about to say something, but she just took another sip while JJ and Morgan laughed at her.

Hotch flashed a rare smile to Y/N, “Good to see you again.”

“Yes! Glad it’s under better circumstances, Agent Hotchner.”

“Me too. And please,” he extended a hand to her, “call me Aaron.”

This time it was Morgan who spoke up, “No way! Only Rossi calls you by your first name!”

“And me,” Emily mumbled.

“And now Y/N, too.”

“I’m honored, Aaron.”

Looking at her face now all remaining anxiety had just about vanished. I told her she had nothing to worry about, and now she was finally listening to me. Rossi called us all to the kitchen where he told us to grab a plate so he could serve us before we sat down at the table. He gave us each a plate of his famous spaghetti carbonara before taking his seat at the head of the table. The team all chatted about their lives, as we ate. Hotch showed Y/N pictures of Jack on his phone, Emily probed JJ about Will, Morgan, and Rossi poked fun at me for bringing Y/N, but I just rolled my eyes and tried to ignore them. Plates were cleaned, stories were told, and wine bottles were emptied. Mostly by Emily and Y/N.

JJ was the one to try to cut them off, “Don’t you have to drive this one home?” She gestured to me.

She put her hands up defensively, “He picked me up.”

“Reid, you hate driving!” Garcia pointed out, prompting Morgan to spare a knowing glance to Rossi.

“You do?”

“I don’t hate it, I just prefer not to.” I was a profiler, but that didn’t mean I was a good liar.

“Spence, I offered to drive you.”

I shrugged, “I didn’t mind.”

Her eyes lingered on me for another moment before taking another sip of wine and resuming her conversation with Emily. I knew they’d get along. Towards the end of the night, Rossi proposed a toast.

“To familia.”

Y/N smiled, staying quiet.

“Oh, come on now, you too, bella.” He raised his glass to her and clinked the crystal, “You’re stuck with us now, get over it.”

“I’m not complaining, Dave.” Her words were to Rossi, but she never stopped looking at me. Probably just had a bit too much to drink.

Right?

Taglist~~~

Lmk if you wanna be added! Some names didn’t work so if you don’t see your name as a tag just dm me a url and I’ll try to fix it

@lawnmoa @ellvswriting @baby-pogue @rottenearly @confused-and-really-hungry @thatsonezesty13 @deni-gonzalez @irjuejjsaa @randomfandomshitposts @bisoner @moonstarrnghtsky @smurfflynn @eldahae​ @t0xicllama​ @undeniablyyou​ @staplernpaper @theweirdobella​ @sammypotato67​ @k-k0129​ @helloniallslovelies​ @dazzlingnights @uhuhuh @booksarekindaneat @crimeshowtrash

[isthisthingeven0n]

not just the squad mom : j.w

REQUESTS ARE CLOSED UNTIL AUGUST. Please do not send one in right now, as I can’t get to it sorry guys.

brief summary: to everyone, you’re the mom in the vlogsquad ever since you first made your apperance as high school sweethearts alongside jeff. however, what no one knows is that you’re actually going to be a mom 

word count: 1k requested: yes by a v sweet anon i hope you enjoy it angel!  warnings: none that i can think of

* masterlistin’ / masterlistin’ 2.0

(everything on my blog is my own writing. if it is shared on another page or website know it hasn’t been approved me unless specified. all rights reserved. - i have to start doing this as I had some shit on my other blog with plagiarism)

DO NOT STEAL MY WORK - IT IS ALL MY OWN WRITING

To everyone who knew you in the squad, you were definitely the Mom. When you were first introduced, you could tell everyone was unsure about how Jeff, an ex convict ended up with a sweetheart like yourself. 

The thing is, it dates back further than that. You and Jeff met in High School during Chemistry class. Both of you were paired to do an assignment, and after causing almost several chemical burns and three trips to the ER, Jeff asked you out. 

Since then, you’ve always been together, through thick and thin- even when he was sent away for six months. 

“Hey guys, I brought coffee!” You announce as you walk into David’s, seeing Natalie with Todd, Ilya, Erin and Carly. “Oh, and Jeff. “ 

Jeff walks in behind you, rolling his eyes as Todd waves to him whilst Natalie chuckles under her breath. 

“You’re such a sweetheart, you know that?” Jeff asks you once you’ve sat down on the sofa, sipping your own coffee. 

Removing the cup from your lips, you simply nod in response resulting in Jeff to wrap his arms around your waist, pulling you onto his lap as you laugh light-heartedly. 

“Why is it so hard to find what you guys have?” Carly sighs as you smile sympathetically toward her. 

“Carly you have a boyfriend.” Erin nudges Carly whose eyes widen momentarily. 

“I take back my previous statement, judge, please forgive me. And Nolan.” Carly comments before returning to her laptop, busying herself. 

“Sometimes I can’t believe you have been together for eleven years.” David pitches in, lifting his head up from behind his laptop to look up at you both. 

“Does to me.” You whistle, receiving a playful jab in your side from Jeff. “What? Does it feel like yesterday to you, huh?” 

Jeff shrugs his shoulder. “You’re just as beautiful as the day I met you.” He tells you and both Carly and Erin fawn over how sweet Jeff can be sometimes when you’re around. 

“Honestly if you do not get married and let us be bridesmaids I’ll be pissed.” Erin states. “I mean bridesmaid for bridesmaid, right?” She reminds you, and Jeff’s grip on you tightens. 

Looking down at the floor, you hum in response. “Yeah, I mean, I might not fit into my bridesmaid dress, that’s the only thing.” You speak up, slowly glancing around at everyone. 

A series of confused expressions meet your eyes in response. “You’ve not gotten fat in lockdown, Y/n.” Todd chimes in, and Jeff nods in appreciation. 

“Not like that, Todd.” You tell him, starting to form a smile on your lips as you look down at Jeff who smiles brightly back at you. 

Natalie focuses on how Jeff’s hands glide across to your stomach, and she pushes herself off of Todd. 

“No, shut the fuck up.” She blurts out, rising to her feet. “You’re pregnant?” 

Her question has a domino effect as joyous looks spark on everyone’s faces, except David who is lost in thought until Natalie hits his arm. 

“Ow,” He mutters, rubbing his arm. “what did I miss?” 

“I’m pregnant.” You tell him as everyone remains in a state of shock, no one moving as Erin stares at you with wide eyes whilst Carly is rendered speechless. 

“Nice work, buddy.” David reaches out to fist bump Jeff who gladly accepts.

“Of course that’s your reaction.” Natalie sighs and you rise to your feet, accepting a gracious hug from her. “I can’t believe you’re going to be a Mom.” She states.

“Neither can I,” You laugh nervously. 

“How long have you guys been hiding this?” Todd asks as he pulls away from a hug with Jeff. 

Jeff looks back at you before scratching the back of his neck. “Like, three months? I mean, we’ve been planning for a while, hence why we moved.” 

“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” David speaks up whilst you and Jeff share a look. 

Resting his hand on your back, Jeff answers on his and your behalf. “We just wanted something private for a while, make sure that we knew this was real.” He explains, having been there the moment you found out to your first scan. The entire experience so far has been an ordeal, but one you wouldn’t take back for anything. 

“I was scared something might happen, and everyone would know.” You add, a sad smile lining your lips momentarily. “But it all seems okay, and we wanted you guys to know too.” Your smile brightens as Erin wipes her eyes before hugging you once more.

“I can’t  believe you’re actually gonna be a real Mom, like not just looking after us kinda Mom.” She blubbers, and you laugh along as tears well up in your own eyes. “But you’re going to be an amazing Mom, Y/n.” Erin adds, squeezing you lightly before pulling away with a guilty look.

“You didn’t squeeze too hard, don’t worry. The baby won’t pop out of my vagina if you hug me too tight.” You joke, resting your hands on your small bump. 

“I can’t wait, does this mean I’m God Father?” David beams at the thought whilst Todd points to himself, nodding to Jeff who shrugs his shoulders. 

“Do you know what gender they are yet?” Natalie asks and you shake your head in response. 

“We kinda want it to be a surprise.” You tell them, Jeff smiling down at you, now able to see your bump more visibly as opposed to hiding it. “But whatever happens, we want you guys to be apart of their lives, and ours still. If you’ll have us?” 

David scoffs lightly, “We can’t get rid of you guys!” He announces. “Especially with a child on the way, gotta afford to get the little fella off to college.” He mutters in a baby voice, and you can’t help but long to hear that from Jeff. 

“Fuck, Jeff’s going from daddy to dad.” Carly laughs, and Jeff frowns lightly before you turn back to him, away from everyone else.

“You’ll always be a daddy in my eyes, baby.” You whisper to him before turning back to your friends, feeling Jeff’s hands never leaving your bump. 

[angellesword]

SAVE ME | KTH (11)

Summary: You were determined to kill yourself, but what would happen when instead of ending your life, you ended up summoning the devil of death?

Alternatively:

The Devil: I’m here to ruin you, I’m here to save you.

Genre: Demon au, e2l, angst, fluff, roommate au

Pairing: Devil!Taehyung x Doctor!Reader

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: mention of death, kissing, and blood.

SERIES:  CHAPTER 10 | CHAPTER 12

*unedited*

The sad thing about carrying the burden of guilt was that you felt as though you didn't deserve to experience good things.

"Who said you have to experience good things?"

The crease on Taehyung's forehead implied that he was looking for an answer, causing you to bite the inside of your cheek.

You honestly had no idea how to answer him.

"Let's just go home, Tae," you said after a long minute of silence.

It was better to give up when you were uncertain, sadly Taehyung was persistent. He wouldn't stop until you gave him an answer.

"You know you're being too hard on yourself, right?" His grip on your forearm was gentle, yet his tone was harsh.

"You know where I stand," your lips were pursed into a straight line. "I don't deserve to see him."

Him.

Him as in your father, or to be exact: your father's grave.

You and Taehyung were currently at Seoul cemetery to finally visit Cha Areum's grave. This was the very first time you went here.

You didn't have the courage to do so back then. However when things between you and Jeongguk started to get better, you realized that maybe it wasn't so bad to face your fear.

But fear was not the same with uncertainty.

Taehyung was suggesting that you should visit your father's grave as well. He said bringing flowers and trying to talk to him while you looked at his headstone might help you to somehow lessen the sadness caging your chest.

You answered him by saying that you were uncertain.

Uncertain if you deserve to experience good things.

Having the chance to talk to your father—even though it was only by pretending as if he could hear you from six feet under—was a form of redemption, like a way to free yourself from guilt of not trying to contact him when he was still alive.

You didn't want that because it would make you to feel better about yourself and feeling better about yourself was similar to experiencing good things.

Again, you felt like you didn't deserve to feel good things.

You didn't even think you deserve to mourn him.

You weren't like Jeongguk. You didn't get to be with your father and you most certainly didn't make him happy.

You didn't make your father happy so it was only fair that guilt was eating you alive.

Except you didn't think that. Deep down, you knew that it was unfair.

When the person you didn't get along with died before you did, other people would accuse you of being hypocritical if they saw that you felt bad.

You would also be left with a pang of regret because you didn't treat the now dead person better when they were still alive.

They didn't treat you better too. So why? Why were you the only one suffering? Why were you the only one left here to dwell on regret?

You hated that this was how the world worked. Couldn't bygones be bygones? Couldn't you really mourn your own father?

But most importantly, you hated that there wasn't any closure between you and your father.

You didn't get the chance to apologize.

And now that Taehyung was giving you the chance to say how sorry you were to your father, you were acting up—thinking that you didn't deserve to technically be 'forgiven'

It was all so confusing.

But you were more confused as to why Taehyung implied that you indeed didn't deserve to experience good things.

Was his reason the same as yours?

Well, it wasn't. Taehyung explained what he thought.

"You know what I come to love and hate about humans?"

You shook you head. You didn't know.

Taehyung pouted his lips, he was trying to light the candle placed on Areum's headstone.

You didn't see the point since the wind was blowing hard.

"It is their goal to always be happy." He groaned when the wind harshly extinguished the fire of the candle again.

He lit another match, refusing to give up.

"Humans are always striving to be happy," he repeated once more. Same thought, different words used.

He claimed that he loved this since he could use this unending desire to tempt them. But Taehyung also hated it because of the discontentment they felt despite having everything provided to them.

Humans didn't have any satisfaction, always aiming for better and greater things.

"Is that wrong?" You arched your brow.

"No." The devil lit another match. "I guess it's just tiring."

You felt like everyone around you kept on speaking things you didn't understand.

Were they complicated or were you just slow?

"Don't you feel tired? You always say you don't deserve good things, but really—" He momentarily stopped lighting the candle just to look at you.

"—it's futile. You associate good things with being happy, right? So what if you just stop." Taehyung dropped the box of matches.

"Stop trying to strive for good things. What if instead of happiness, you just simply seek what's tolerable?"

It was the first time you clearly understood someone without asking them to explain any further.

But he still did. He continued speaking his mind.

"You don't always have to be happy to say that you are living 'the life,' sometimes it's better to just aim for something that is not happy nor sad. As long as you can bear something, it should be enough, right?"

You honestly had no idea why such words were coming from a devil like him.

Was he possessed?

But wait—“Are you telling me to stop classifying things?"

"That's not what I said—oh." Taehyung smiled when he realized what you meant.

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying."

If you didn't categorize what felt good and what felt bad, you wouldn't have to worry about the guilt you felt.

You would just do things because that's what felt right.

Visiting your father was something right.

You owed it to him, not to yourself.

You were apologizing for him and not for yourself.

"For someone who claimed to be the devil, you sure act a lot like you're human," you shook your head, a smile gracing your lips.

You appreciated the things he said even though you knew that he was only doing this to save himself. He probably learned all of this by reading books on how to deal with a suicidal person.

"Whatever," Taehyung rolled his eyes at you. "So what now? Do you wanna visit your father?"

"Probably. But not now,"

Busan was far from Seoul. You would need more than a day if you went there. That's not possible at the moment since you were aware that you had used all of your emergency and vacation leave.

It's about time you stop abusing your privilege as the niece of the owner of Cornelia Hospital.

Unless...

"You can teleport us to Busan, right?"

Taehyung's face crumpled.

"Yeah, about that..." He averted your gaze. "I can't."

"Why?" Was he lying? You had seen him teleport multiple times already.

"Because..." He was crossing his arms as if he was annoyed. "I'm powerless now."

Taehyung explained that it’s because he used all of his power to heal Cha Eun Hye and erase some of her memories from months ago.

"I thought you can only tempt people?"

You were confused. He said devils couldn't harm people without the permission of God.

"Yes, but we can erase memories of people when the reason why it happened was because of us," Tae caressed your left shoulder. "Cha Eun Hye isn't lying, you know? She isn't blaming you for what happened to Areum. She only said those mean things to you because I fed her with lies,"

Taehyung thought that it was only fair to erase those bad memories. This was the reason why Areum's mom kept calling you to make sure you were alright. She had been treating you as if you were her daughter.

She cared for you.

You didn't understand before why she was acting like that, but now you knew.

Mrs. Cha Eun Hye was a good person.

"The last time I used my power was when I teleported your brother back to your apartment. I considered erasing his memories because I know it isn't fair to drag him into my world,"

You agreed. All hell broke loose when Taehyung informed you that Jeongguk knew that the former was a devil.

You were so mad at Taehyung that day, luckily he convinced you that it would benefit your brother since he wouldn't be confused as to why Park Jimin was looking after him.

It all worked out in the end. Jeongguk called you yesterday to say that he was having a good time at Bangtan University. The presence of Park Jimin made his stay there even more fun.

"But I can't use my power anymore because—"

Taehyung wasn't able to finish what he was saying because instead of words, it was blood that came out of his mouth.

"Oh, my God!" Your eyes widened.

Your instinct as a doctor got the best in you. Panic and fear weren't in your system. You only did what you needed to do to help stop the pain he was going through.

"I'm okay," the devil said, stopping you from aiding him.

"This is okay." And then he gestured at his mouth.

You stopped to listen to him.

He explained that he had been going through this for months already. It was normal because he hadn't been back to hell for almost a whole year now.

Taehyung really spent his days by your side. Aside from this, he also hadn't collected any souls since his life connected with yours.

His power came from doing evil things, so now that he's acting like a good boy, his power was diminishing.

"So what should you do now?" You put your hands on your hips. "Do you need to tempt people? Or..." Your eyes dilated.

"Don't tell me you have to collect souls!?" This thought scared you.

You didn't think you could stomach the fact that he had to urge people to kill themselves.

"Nah," luckily Taehyung only let out a hearty laugh at your assumptions.

"It's true that I can just tempt someone, but I can also just give into one of the capital vices,"

The seven deadly sins were evil so it shall do the trick.

"Oh yeah?" The corner of your mouth quirked up. The worry you felt turn to mischief.

At least he didn't have to collect souls.

"What's your vice, then?"

Taehyung took in your appearance. He noticed your furrowed brow, your playful smirk, and the fact that you were just so...

...Beautiful.

"Greed." He simply said, void of any emotion.

You swallowed hard.

"Greed for?" You inched towards him.

Taehyung ran his tongue through his lower lip. Without a warning, he encircled his hands on your waist, pulling your body closer to him.

It caused you to let out a gasp, though he could tell that you weren't really surprised.

You wanted this.

You were playing with fire.

The look you two were exchanging was full of fire too, and this very moment made Taehyung smirk.

It was funny.

Funny that he had to associate bible verse and logic when he was trying to figure out why he wanted to save you.

But as it turned out, he only needed common sense.

What he felt towards you was simple. It was in his nature as the devil after all.

Greed.

Taehyung didn't just care for you.

Taehyung also wanted you.

It was proven to be true by his strong greed to hold your hand, the greed to be with you, the greed to see you, and the greed to...

"Kiss you,"

There was no time to process things.

Taehyung crashed his mouth against yours, finally giving into his vice.

You tasted sweet, just like he had expected.

You also tasted fire, something that was making his body felt hot.

You tasted like wine, making him feel drunk on happiness.

He was the hypocrite here.

He hated humans for always wanting more, but he was just like them—always craving more.

Taehyung craved you and boy he could only hope that you craved him too.

He didn't have to hope actually, at least not when you decided to kiss him back.

It was clear.

You were greedy too.

[sparklingchan]

Taste of Spring || Han Jisung (Stray Kids)

Pairing : Reader (fem.) x Han.

Word count : 2.4k+

Warnings : Cuss words, slight mentions of heartbreak, not proof read. .

Genre : Fluff, slight angst , best friends to lovers AU.

Description : For Jisung, the world is either black or white - friendship or love. You happen to find yourself stuck in the grey.

A/N: Haven’t written an skz drabble in a while so yeah, here it is(whatever this is lol) and I’ve had this in my drafts for a whole month now. Damn. Sorry, Jisung.

I hope y’all like it <3

Enjoy!

You had not seen your best friend in what felt like ages when in reality it had only been two weeks or so. But you often find yourself missing him at odd hours ,at the most random moments these days.

"I'll be back before dinner. Take care of my cat. Please." You call out to your sister who sits on the couch , sipping some cucumber induced water that apparently burns calories, and watching a very brutal, violent TV show that you wouldn't even want to ask her about.

"Say hi to Jisung for me." she replies with a quirk of an eyebrow, her lips curving into a sly grin. You roll your eyes but the heat has already tinted your cheeks and ears red by the time you exit your house and are walking down the street towards Han Jisung's abode.

As you continue on the road, you feel the taste of an incoming Spring in the air, sweet and full of love. You didn't know why or how or even if it were at all possible in the first place, but you could feel spring knocking on the door ,waiting to be welcomed in.

An old couple walks past you, hand in hand and eyes focused on each other and you inevitably catch yourself thinking about Jisung for some reason. You've both made a lot of fond memories during your spring breaks - you were both inseparable back then.

Even now you are inseparable but things are different.

He was your best friend and nothing more ,yet you find yourself questioning your true feelings towards the boy these days more often than not ,all whilst wondering when you had crossed over the line of wanting to be friends to something more.

"Oh,y/n! Come on in ,honey." Jisung's mother has been nothing but sweet to you throughout all 18 years of your life and you honestly blamed her for making you want to visit their place more often.

But then again, maybe it's not really the mother's hospitality that pulled you in, maybe it is her son's tooth decaying sweetness that brings out the deepest desires from your heart.

You walk into their house , a sense of familiarity washes over you just how it does whenever you walk into your own house too.

"He's in his room ,as usual. Go on. I'll send some snacks in for you." She adds, patting you softly on the shoulder.

Jisung's room is almost always a mess and sometimes one might even find the boy leaving a trail of garbage everywhere he goes, so you aren't surprised when you find a few crumpled piece of paper lying just outside his door. Clumsy little Han.

"Ji-" your words are cut short when you hear his voice from inside , as loud as ever, probably speaking to one of his friends who he also lovingly refers to as his babies(he sometimes calls you baby too ; on purpose or by accident, who knows?) But he seems very into the conversation right now - almost serious which you find rather unlikely for Han Jisung who has very proudly nicknamed himself as Comedian Han since eight grade.

It's the semester break and spring is around the corner - two things Jisung loves the most in the world so there should be no apparent reason for him to be having this deep of a conversation, especially early in the morning. However as his voice grows louder and more frustrated , you cannot help but wonder if there is actually something seriously troubling him.

Curious , you peek into the room through the small crack of the door.

"I know I'm being a coward Changbin but I can't do that to her. She's all I have ,man." he speaks into the phone , leaning down on his rotatory chair.

You freeze in your spot,your heartbeat resonating from every inch of your body. Who's he talking about?

"What? Are you out of your mind? I cannot tell her what I feel. That's the whole point of this damn phone call ,you fucker!" he yells.

You focus harder on their voices , trying to make out the gibberish Changbin replies with from the other end of the call.

Your body aches from standing so soundlessly, leaning half against the wall and half against the wooden door but you tell yourself to bear it for a little longer.

"No. No way. I can't. I can't do this to y/n!" Jisung hisses into the phone and then with a big pop, your bubble bursts -a bubble that you'd been building since you both were kids , designed carefully with dreams and hopes of a happy ever after with the boy in front of you. But you were weaving these dreams out of nothing but thin air. There never was anything to begin with and you always knew that.

Of course he has another girl in his life. He doesn't owe anything to you. You have no right to feel these strong emotions of jealousy and anger. You are just friends, right?

But imagining him with another woman was a poison you didn't put too much thought into until this very moment. You should have been prepared, really.

All hopes have left your side.

You turn around and walk out the same way that you came in , ignoring his mother's questions and concerned gaze. 

You want to be alone right now. Alone and away from everything that ever connected you with Han fucking Jisung.

***

He is a peculiar man, your best friend , loud yet calm , talented yet humble,his songs make more sense than his words ever could - but he intrigues you so much. It would take you a lot of time to figure Han Jisung out and you had only hoped to solve this puzzle before.. well , before he chooses to hold someone else's hand in the walk of life while you just watch from a far.

And now, you've finally run out of that borrowed time. Without even finishing half of the puzzle . The last tick of your time together has tocked.

That night, as you let the arms of grief and heartbreak pull you in , your cat(also called Snowflake) cuddles right beside you, staring at you as if it understood you.

Maybe it did. Because even you couldn't understand yourself anymore.

***

"Y/n, wake the fuck up! Come on,open the door." Your sister bangs on your door while simultaneously throwing words at you that were extremely inappropriate for an early morning conversation.

Annoying bitch. She's never cared to wake you up in the morning all your lives. Why is she changing her ways now?

You groan into your pillow, "Go away! I'll be out when I want to."

Your eyes barely find enough strength to keep themselves open. Your body aches and the bedsheet creases on your skin show evidence of a very good night's sleep in contrary to the misery you were subjected to just a few hours before that.

A heavy heart induces a good sleep , you conclude.

"I literally do not care about what you want ,y/n!" She yells against,her fist pounding against the door with more force now than from a while ago,"Come out. Right this instant."

Snowflake - who was chilling on the floor, playing with her toys - jumps on the bed ,pressing her fluffy body against your chest ,eyes glazed with fear.

"Fine. Fine. Can you stop yelling? You're scaring my baby." You reply, taking Snowflake into your arms as you run a soothing hand through her white fur.

Forcing yourself out of bed , you waddle towards the door.

"What do you want?" You unlock the door and with hooded eyes , yell at your sister, "Can you not be so fucking annoying this early in the morning?!"

Instant regret is what you feel the moment your sister steps aside, and you see the blurry figure of Han Jisung in front of your bedroom door.

Pure terror seizes you ,as your brain loses all its ability to form any response in that moment, “Hi, y/n. Can we please talk?" Jisung says, his mouth twisted into a sad smile and his puffy eyes looking at the floor.

Has he been crying? 

He wears his favorite black hoodie and a pair of grey track pants along with his SpongeBob flip flops. The bird nest on his head looks even more disheveled today, even so you find your heart beat fasten seeing this domestic look on him.

No matter what, Han Jisung is pretty.

Really pretty.

And if you were given a coin everytime you acknowledged it, you'd be a millionaire by now.

"Aw, Jisung honey, don't ask. Just walk into her room. I'm sure she's glad to see you too." Your sister replies in your stead ,sending glares towards you as if to say 'You better listen to him.'

And you're too shocked to react when he politely brushes past you and walks inside your room, settling himself at the edge of the bed. You make sure to shove a middle finger up in front of your sister's face before following suit .

Jisung's enquiries start the moment you step inside.

"I was so worried, y/n. You left my house without saying anything to anyone. Your phone was off. I wanted to come here but mom said you looked upset and that I should wait until the morning. " he sucks in a deep breath , "Y/n, baby, what the fuck happened?"

There's that word again. That damn word which has the ability to set your whole body on fire even on a cold morning like this one.

You hate the affect he has on you. You hate the affect his words have on you.

"Nothing." You mumble.

Snowflake wiggles out of your arms, and towards him.

Betrayer.

"Don't even lie to me. I am not that stupid." Jisung argues as Snowflake settles in his lap, "Y/n, have I not made it clear that I will be here for you, no matter what?"

You want to laugh. He really thinks you trust him so much that you'd tell him everything going on with you.

He's delusional - you can't possibly tell the boy you are in love with that he is the boy you are in love with. It's completely mental.

"I'm not in the mood for this conversation right now. Go home, Sungie." You say , sitting down on the bed, as far away from his warm body as possible.

Jisung sighs, "Not happening. You can call the police for all I care but I'm not moving my ass before you tell me what happened."

Snowflake snuggles into his tummy, Jisung's fingers giving her soft belly and ear rubs. 

So this is what your life has come down to - you are jealous of your cat who is getting more affection from your best friend slash crush (who is interested in someone else) than you ever did. Brilliant.

"I fucking love you , you dumb fuck. Why do you never notice! "

Jisung's lips widen into a smile. Of course Jisung knew. He has always known. Only a blind person would not notice your not very subtle efforts to win his heart and make him fall for you. Maybe it was you who was a dumb fuck because you never figured out how much Jisung loves you too even after being best friends for so long.

"You hear that, Snowflake? You heard what mommy said? She said she loves me! " Jisung's eye's glint with happiness as he picks up Snowflake, peppering her with smooches, "Your mommy loves me!"

You stare at him , confused beyond anything.

Jisung turns to you, his big signature grin fixated on his lips , " Is that why you ran away yesterday? Because God decided to punch you with the realization that you are in love with me?"

You scoff, "No, I left because you and Seo Changbin were talking about the other girl who you referred to as 'all you have '. I didn't want to know what else you refer to her as."

Jisung laughs , his shoulders vibrating with the action and his hands finding their way towards yours(Ha! How's that Snowflake!)

"You said that you heard me talk about some other girl so you must have heard some name too ,right?" He questions you , his fingers clutching your hand as if he were afraid of you running off again.

"Yeah, of course I did!" you clap back , "I heard the name - " Your heart drops as the crystal clear memory from yesterday flashes into your mind.

Jisung raises an eyebrow, a mischievous grin adorning his face, "Yes? What's that?"

Oh.

Oh.

"You had said my name." you whisper.

You divert your gaze from him and focus on your clasped hands and how perfect they look together - like the sole purpose of their creation was to hold each other.

Jisung shifts closer to you , your mattress dipping under his weight.

"Yes. I said your name." He tucks a few strands of hair behind your ears , "I said that I couldn't lose you because you're all that I have. And I didn't want my romantic feelings toward you to change anything between us."

Your breath gets stuck in your throat when he leans toward your face.

"So y/n, Will you please stop assuming things and be my girlfriend ?" Jisung asks.

You free your hand from his and slide them around his torso, hugging him.

"Yes, yes." you whisper, "A thousand times yes."

He engulfs you in the warmest hug possible, his hand rubbing your side comfortingly while he whispers sweet nothings into your ears.

"Sungie look, its a butterfly." You break away from the hug momentarily to point at the yellow and blue winged butterfly that settles down on top of Snowflake 's head.

Snowflake snarls at it , trying to chase it away with her paws while you and Jisung giggle. With arms secured around the other.

"Spring is on its way, isn't it?" He asks you ,"You know what it means?"

"More green vegetables?"

"Shut up ,y/n, you're so unromantic!"

You guys giggle a little more.

"No, but seriously ,what does it mean?" you ask , looking up at him from his chest.

Jisung presses a sweet, heartwarming kiss to your head , "New beginnings. Blossoming of New things."

Hs stares at you like he's trying to say something to you without using words and you like to be believe that you are able to get what he wants to say ; it's a new beginning for you guys.

Because you've finally crossed over this border line of friendship and stepped into the zone of no return, exiting the grey area you disliked so much.

And you know every second of it will be beautiful.

[stusbunker]

AGA: Word to the Wise

A Supernatural Fan-fiction Denny AU Series

Featuring: Dean Winchester/Benny Lafitte, past Dean/Jo

Other characters: Sam, Bobby, Cas, Mick, Ash, Jo

Word Count: 3000 (whoa)

A/N: Sam gets on Dean’s nerves and Dean ends up taking a late night detour. Big talks ahead.

Special thanks to my beta @cracksinthewalls​ who puts up with my whiny ass. Also grateful for @there-must-be-a-lock​‘s insight.

The bowling league was in lean attendance due to a surprise snowstorm, but that didn’t keep Singers’ Slingers from mopping the floor with their competition. Dean ended on a spare in the last game, putting him just over his average for the night. State bowling wasn’t until spring, but if they kept up their momentum Dean was sure they could place well. And a weekend away would be a welcome break from his usual exhaustion. 

Dean still owed Mick a rematch from last year’s trip. Mick drank him under the table and Dean didn’t want to lose two years running, he had a reputation to uphold afterall. Bartending had cut into his training time, among other things.

Ash was the first one to bow out for the night, knowing his side towing business would be busy with vehicles in ditches for however long the storm lasted. Cas bummed a ride with Mick, since his car had never done well in this weather and he was still dragging his feet on upgrading. Dean knew he had been hinting at shopping around, but Dean wasn’t going to push the topic and get dragged into helping or finagling with the salesman for the guy. Cas could figure it out on his own, and Dean was finally in a place where he felt comfortable letting him. Huh.

Sam had been quiet all night, but Dean hadn’t mentioned it, attributing the sour mood to post-break up blues. They bought Bobby his weekly drink, “team dues” as he called it and settled in along the bar. 

Dean kept the conversation going, trying to keep the mood light, but Bobby was too tired to ham it up and Sam was not amused by his brother’s antics. Once Bobby polished off his last beer and headed home to Ellen, Dean was rolling his eyes in exasperation.

“Fine, you know what, I’ll reel it in, don’t want to interrupt your sulking,” Dean muttered after another joke fell flat. Sam winced at Dean’s jab, which Dean instantly regretted. Though it did seem to shake Sam out of his funk, if minutely.

“So, tell me about Benny,” Sam brought up with elephantine grace.

Dean stared at Sam like he proclaimed he was quitting the law firm and joining the circus, coulrophobia and all. 

Sam huffed. “What?”

“Nice segue there, counselor,” Dean grumbled. “What about him? Hmm, you want a new bowling bag? Because that was already on my list for you for Christmas.”

“Dude, you don’t have to do that. I mean, that’d be great, but no, I was kind of wondering what your deal was? Like do you hang out a lot?” Sam started fishing.

“Yeah, totally, everynight,” Dean deadpanned. “I mean I only work two jobs when I’m not moving your sorry ass back into Mom and Dad’s.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Sam said, waiting to figure out where he was going with this line of questioning and just shot in the dark. 

“What I’m trying to say is, is this, like, a Cas thing?” Sam choked out, unable to put it any more delicately. 

Dean burned with shame as his hackles raised in defensiveness. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Sam cocked his head and pursed his lips, unamused and unimpressed. “You know what I mean, man. Don’t make me spell it out.”

Dean wouldn’t budge, he dropped his beer with a thud. “Well, you’re gonna have to, because I have no fuckin’ idea what you’re talking about.”

“Dude!” Sam shook his head and rolled his eyes.

“The fuck is your problem? You got something to say, just say it, Sam.” Dean fumed, daring him with a murderous glare. Sam inhaled pregnantly, face still inching towards bitch mode. Sam eyed the bartender who was trying not to listen and the late game bowlers who suddenly decided they could catch up lane side instead.

What Dean didn’t realize was that he needed Sam to say it. He yearned for it, for his truth to be spoken, and known without him having to say it himself.

“Look, I know this isn’t something we talk about. But, I just want to make sure you’re okay. Alright? In the beginning with Cas, it was like you were obsessed, man. And since he just always seemed to need something from you. I just want to make sure you’re not getting used, I guess,” Sam unraveled the heart of his concern without saying too much, which Dean was not expecting, at all.

Dumbfounded, Dean retreated, annoyance trumping any chance at relief. 

“I think I can handle myself, thanks,” Dean spat. Petulantly, he took a sip from his beer, the cold glass solid in his hand, giving him something to clutch or even throw, if it came down to it.

“I didn’t say---,” Sam broke off. “Fine! You know what? You’re on your own. Just remember that I should have listened to you about Ruby and now I’m paying the price for my own stubbornness.”

Sam stood and reached for his money clip, tossing an extra five on the bar for the dramatics. He gave Dean one last chance to come clean, to own up to what they weren’t saying. Dean stared straight ahead, eyes unfocusing on the liquor labels behind the bar as if Sam had already left. So he did, just as he came: pissed and questioning his brother’s motives.

    Dean didn’t go home after that. Instead he absently followed a plow down the main road until he happened upon a familiar turn off. Which he took slow and steady until it ended in a T. The little brick ranch at the end of the lane held a lot of memories. And it was more inviting than ever with its Christmas card perfection in the falling snow. Dean put the Impala in park and let the radio play, wishing he had a joint just for the sake of something to do. 

He wasn’t there ten minutes before his phone rang, which he answered without processing the caller ID.

“You gonna come in or you just gonna sit out there feeling sorry for yourself?” Jo’s voice sliced across the line.

“Didn’t know if you were still up,” Dean bullshitted.

“Uh-huh. Whatever you say. Backdoor’s open,” her unimpressed reply. She hung up before Dean could make up an excuse to leave. He slouched out of the car and trudged down the long country driveway. As soon as he had stomped the snow off his boots, Jo welcomed him in with a firm hug and an appraising glint in her eye.

“Thanks, it’s a real mess out there,” Dean explained.

Jo just shook her head at him. “How’d ya bowl?”

“619 series, finished strong in the last few frames,” Dean answered. “Were you at your folks?”

“Nah, just know it’s Wednesday night, which means the boys were at the alley,” Jo smirked as she reached atop her fridge for the good stuff. 

She held up the whiskey in offering and Dean nodded, bending out of his coat. He slipped it over the back of a chair and settled in at the vintage kitchen table. She poured him a glass and watched as he inhaled the first round like he had been outside for hours and needed to fight off a much deeper chill.

“Well alright,” Jo resigned herself to playing shrink and poured Dean another drink. “So, what’s got you stuck in your head, hm?”

Dean weighed his head from side to side as he let the whiskey roll over his tongue. He never got far into a pouting session when Jo was around, but he also didn’t know which chamber of his heart he could stand to prop open for her inspection tonight.

“How’ve you been, Jo? You still schooling those truckers on taking care of their own rigs?” Dean sidestepped with ease.

“You know it,” Jo confirmed. “Not a day goes by that I don’t have to put another asshole in his place. Pays good, though.”

Jo had followed in Bobby’s footsteps and became a mechanic, but two Singers were already one too many for the shop and salvage yard. So she took her skills out to the interstate and made a name for herself as the only female diesel technician in four counties. Dean used to hate it when she would fix something faster than him, but it had been more than a decade since her skills had made him feel inferior. Dean knew Jo’d be his boss someday, but he wasn’t too worried about those far off futures; Bobby wouldn’t retire unless Ellen made him or killed him first.

“How’s Rufus holding up?” Jo teased, knowing her dad’s old friend was getting worse for the wear, much like John had.

“Stubborn, and as glib as ever. Good thing your dad rehired him, because he’s a bit too mouthy for most customers,” Dean admitted.

    Jo hummed with nostalgia. “I gotta swing by and bug you guys sometime, but it just keeps getting busier.”

    Dean sighed. “I hear that. What’s it been? Labor day? No. I haven’t even seen you since the Fourth. Christ!”

“Yeah, well, you’ll see me next week for Thanksgiving, don’t get too sentimental about it now,” Jo quipped. She took a short sip off the bottle as Dean swirled the last of his second helping.

“I’m seeing someone,” Dean staggered the words, like he wasn’t sure if their meanings and sounds fit together.

Jo sighed dramatically, “Finally, the truth is revealed! What’s up? She’s not pregnant, is she?”

“No.” Dean had to bite back his guffaw. “Definitely not.”

“Okay, then why the sad face? Not pulling a Ruby on ya, I hope?” Jo tested the waters.

“No, it’s--uh--- it’s been good. Really good. I just, kind of need to make up my mind if I’m in it for the long haul. Ya know?” Dean clarified, relaxing with each little confession. 

“Uh-oh it’s getting serious,” Jo mock whispered.

Dean rolled his shoulders. “No, well, it could be. I don’t know.”

Jo giggled. “I can’t believe you! You’re fucking twitterpated, aren’t you?!”

“Jo, if you start making Thumper jokes, I’m shutting up right now,” Dean warned with a pointed finger. “Care to top me off while you’re at it?”

“Okay, okay, gosh.” Jo rolled her eyes dramatically as she poured him another drink before pointedly putting it back on the fridge. “But you’re in deep. You’re all blushy about it.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m ready to go big. It just means they’re willing to put up with me until I say the word,” Dean tried to downplay his feelings and Benny’s confession.

“So do it! Bust out the grand gestures already,” Jo encouraged.

Dean scoffed, “I’m not built for commitment, you know that!”

“Except you kinda are! You’ve changed, Dean,” Jo insisted, head hung to pour her honesty from her eyes. “I don’t know when it happened, but you’re not that reckless boy that I knew. You’ve always been a good guy, but now?---- Maybe it’s been since Sam came home, I don’t know. But somewhere along the way you grew up.---- It’s okay to let yourself want something more, you know.”

Dean grumbled and rolled his neck, breaking the eye contact. She always could do this to him, just like her mother, see straight through his every defense. “I always thought it’d be you, you know?”

Jo smiled without teeth. “Firsts can do that to people. But, we’re not those kids anymore, Dean. So, if you’re asking for my permission or seeking my approval---?”

Dean dropped his head to his hands, thick fingers poorly hiding him from Jo. “It’s a guy, Jo. I’m--- I don’t know--- Bi? I guess?”

“Dean?” Jo waited until he stopped being sheepish and looked at her, even if it was only out of the corner of one eye. “You’ve been head over heels for Cas for years. If you dare tell me this is about him, so help me, I will throw you out right now.”

Dean couldn’t help but laugh ruefully at that and toss back what was left of his whiskey. “You saw that, huh?”

She didn’t answer, waiting for him to work through it on his own.

“It’s not Cas.” Dean smacked his lips and held up his glass for a refill. Jo stood and brought the bottle back to the table. Dean poured himself three fingers worth and pondered the sloshing liquid before he continued. “Your mom know?”

Jo licked her lips, cocked her head, and sighed.

Dean closed his eyes and asked, “Bobby? Fuck!--- my mom?!”

“No one has ever said it out loud, Dean. I don’t know who knows, honestly. But we’re family, that doesn’t change.” Jo grasped his wrist firmly, he held her hand to his and then she slapped her other one on top. Time stopped long enough for Dean to accept that his secret was finally out, but also that it was safe.

“I can’t believe I’m talking about this with you, of all people.” Dean thumbed her knuckles, staring into eyes he knew as well as his own.

“Really? Who else would you be talking to about it? Sam? Ash, maybe?” Jo giggled. “I’m honored, actually. It means you stopped hating me.”

Dean pulled his hands away and took another drink. “I never hated you.” 

“Okay, well, maybe it means you stopped hating yourself,” Jo corrected.

Dean’s brows crooked incredulously.

“Too much?” Jo asked apologetically.

Dean shook his head and sighed. “You are your mother’s daughter.”

“Now you’re the one being rude,” Jo muttered before taking a solid drink off the bottle this time.

Dean let himself relax, let the whiskey and conversation work into his muscles and set his worries aside. They talked like the old days and about the old days. Those in between years after high school and before anyone was ready to face responsibility. When half their friends went to college, they had just kept on working. After another hour, Jo leaned back in her chair and started scrutinizing him once again.

“You know how I know you’re happy with what’s his name?” Jo teased.

“Beh--- I didn’t tell you, fuck! Benny, his name is Benny. Goddamnit Joanna Beth,” Dean cursed through a chuckle; more details dragged out of him than he had planned on.

Jo cocked her head and considered the name.“Benny, right. You wanna know how I know?” Jo pushed.

“Fine, how?” Dean held up his hand, beckoning for her to hit him with her response.

“Because this is about the time of night you start giving me the lazy once over. But not tonight,” Jo proclaimed, chin out condescendingly. She had him, every few years they’d find themselves back in each other’s beds, for a night or a weekend and then they’d move on. He always thought of her as his home, his starting point. But maybe they weren’t the same thing at all.

“You still look good, Jo,” Dean replied, trying to save face.

“That’s not what I meant, Dean. Besides, I know!” Jo snarked, straightening her spine and tossing her hair over her shoulder. Dean couldn’t hold in his laughter anymore and it spilled out over a toothy grin, making Jo almost choke on her drink. God, Dean felt like anything was possible. That life was good. 

After the hysterics had calmed down, Dean exhaled. “Thanks, Jo. I needed this.”

“You sure did, nobody else was gonna hand you your ass so kindly,” Jo agreed, standing and taking the bottle and Dean’s glass with her to the counter that held the sink. He whined comically, but knew her timing was right. She leaned back and smirked.

Dean grew quiet and Jo waited to see if it was exhaustion, the alcohol or something else. She didn’t have long to prepare.

“How’m I gonna tell my dad?” Dean asked, the pain and panic pulling at his face until she saw the telltale tears well up.

“Fuck ‘im. I mean it, if your dad can’t get his head out of his ass to see how happy you are, he isn’t worth your time,” Jo said adamantly.

Dean let his thoughts roll to the side of his head and licked his lips, biting against the tremor. He quickly wiped away the tears that escaped and inhaled wet and ragged. Jo slipped to his side and ran her hand through his hair, letting his face fall against her chest as he breathed through the onslaught. Dean couldn’t help but think how motherly the affection felt.

She pulled back to look him over at arms’ length. 

“So what now? You want the couch? Or should I call you a ride? I’m sure Sam owes you one,” Jo asked, as no nonsense as ever.

“I’ll be fine,” Dean dismissed her concern, rubbing up his face to wipe off his nose.

“Well, you ain't driving.” Jo held up his keys. Dean blanched, feeling his pockets for them, fruitlessly. He stood to snatch them, but she had already skipped across the kitchen, too far to catch. “Nuh-uh, no way I’m letting you risk your baby. Or your thick skull in this weather.”

 Dean put his hands on his hips, and blinked through the dizziness. He realized he hadn’t stood in a few hours. “Sam.”

“What’s that?” Jo prodded mischievously, ear leaning in as if she couldn’t hear him.

“Very funny. Call Sam, will ya?” Dean rolled his eyes as she scrolled through her contacts, murmuring the names under her breath. His keys were raised in victory, as if he couldn’t reach them above her head. He could have snagged them in an instant, if he wanted to.

 While Jo woke Sam, Dean checked his own phone. Ignoring some texts from his mom and Cas, he selected the conversation with Benny. There were no new messages since that morning. Dean hesitated before relocking his screen.

“Sam’ll be here in twenty. You want something to eat? I’ve got chips.” Jo offered, opening the cupboard.

Tagging: @flamencodiva​ @dolphincliffs​ @dontshootmespence​ @fookinghelljensensthighs​ @fangirlxwritesx67 @dawnie1988 @mrswhozeewhatsis​ @cosicas-cuquis​ @foxyjwls007 @tumbler-tidbits @wingedcatninja​ @defenderrosetyler​ @ericaprice2008  @crashdevlin​  @mylovelydame21 @cajunquandary​ @itmighthavebeenintentional​​ @thoughtslikeaminefield​ @there-must-be-a-lock @tatted-trina6​ @cracksinthewalls​ @atc74​​

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Part 10: Spit it Out