#something about how I think Kosmo is wrong despite being time blind

[thegurlwhoisntthere]

Something about how Rayla is his light…. And also the only reason he would turn to darkness….

Something about how Kosmo said if he ever did dark magic again his light would go out and darkness would consume him…. But the very act of him doing dark magic would be him preserving his light in a very literal way…

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Caramel skin under a vanilla sky

Daibazaal, the planet of purple and black that seemed designed to keep Keith constantly off guard and directionally misplaced. Living in what was once Zarkon's residence still refused to sit well with him, even a year and a half after the fall of Honerva and the return of the planet he now called home with his mixed up family. Woken from his first real nights sleep in a phoeb by Axca's persistent knocking, he held his temper as he dressed. They were all exhausted. His team at any rate. Running relief missions was fulfilling in its own ways, but since had started to spread through the known universe he'd felt himself pining for the glory days of Voltron. The thrill of the fight. The feel of his lion beneath his hands. The constant bickering of his adopted castle family. It was all gone now. They'd all started to go to their seperate ways yet despite swearing to be friends forever. It wasn't like they didn't regularly catch up, weekly phone calls were very much a thing, and when the Atlas was close enough, he'd take the time to swing by to catch up with Shiro and Curtis personally, as well as Hunk and Shay, sometimes Pidge if she happened to be on board too. Dressed casually, Keith whistled at Kosmo to follow, his hands jammed into the front pocket of his black jeans as he wandered through the busy halls, a step behind Axca the whole way. Working with Axca, Zethrid and Ezor was rewarding, yet it failed to thrill him the way Voltron did, then there was the whole crush thing Axca had been nursing for him, which he'd been blind too until she'd asked him out and he'd known in the moment she was absolutely not the one for him. No. He'd fucked things right up with the one person he'd liked back on Earth and learned his lesson from his mistake. He didn't need to love anyone outside the weird collection of friends he'd made over the past few years in space. Sighing to himself, Axca turned to smile at him "You would think they'd let us rest" "Yeah. But you know mum and Kolivan. If you're breathing, you can take a mission" His mother dating Kolivan was another reason not to come back home as often as he did. It wasn't that he had anything against Kolivan at all, he didn't know how to act when they were holding hands or leaning into each other. Kolivan was still the same hard taskmaster he'd always been, and his boss... who was now dating his mother, which lead to mental images he definitely didn't need. Following Axca into the control room, Kolivan and Krolia were waiting for him. Kolivan frowning deeply as he approached with Kosmo, earning him a nudge in the ribs from Krolia "Keith! I'm sorry to wake you, but we need you for a mission immediately" He'd already deduced as much. Following the pair over to one of the tables, his mother started pulling up files on its holotop "We have a missing operative. He was on his way to an arms deal when we lost contact with him. He's now over a movement late reporting in, and no sign of him has been seen at any of the rebel camps in the Ghazex quadrant" Reaching down, Keith manipulated the files with his finger tips. It seemed all above board, the sellers of the goods honestly not caring where their clientele came from provided they paid up front and collected the goods from the designated coordinates "You want me to head out there and check for signs of life?" "We've been in contact with rebel forces and they found nothing. The weapons themselves aren't so important as the intel that could be gained through interrogations. There've been a number of odd occurrences in the sector space, that's why the meet was arrange there. Guile felt sure there was a link there between these occurrences and the gun runners" Guile barely looked older than Shiro, despite being four times his age. Nodding, Keith transferred the files to his wrist communicator "I'll leave immediately" Looking up from the table, his mother and Kolivan shared a long look at each other as they silently communicated, Kolivan giving a small nod of his head, granting his mother permission to continue "Keith. We're sending you alone on this one. You'll need to stay below the radar. If it proves to be nothing, then take your time coming back. You're supposed to be on standby as it" "I'm fine. You worry too much" "I'm your mother, it's my job" He was already 23, practically 24, he didn't need his mother's constant worry. He ran his own team, had fought in countless scuffles before their lions had left, and afterwards. He really didn't need his hand held. Quiznak, he'd even been nominated to rule the whole damn planet... Crossing his arms, he frowned at his parental figures "I'll be fine" "Why don't you give Shiro a call once you've checked things out? It's been a while since you saw any of the others" "Mum. If there's something you're trying to say, say it already" "I'm not trying to say anything. It's simply been a while since you spent some quality time with them" "I talk to them every weekend by video call. They're all fine" "But when is the last time you saw them?" "A few weeks ago? Before the last mission?" "You've only seen them once since Allura's memorial. Curtis is driving Shiro crazy" Keith raised and eyebrow. That couldn't be right. He distinctly remembered dinner with Hunk and Shay, with Curtis and Shiro casting enough sideways glances at each other to make Hunk blush in second hand shame. After the death of Adam, Keith knew his adoptive brother was capable of moving on, despite how deep the wound ran. It'd only been a matter of weeks between Adam's death and their return. As Adam's brother, Curtis understood Shiro's pain in a way Keith couldn't. Curtis had been there for Adam, he'd been there as Adam had fallen apart over their broken engagement, Shiro's disappearance, the reappearance of Sam Holt... and somehow along the way they'd bonded deeply yet both were hesitant to take the next step so as to not tarnish Adam's memory. Keith personally thought Adam was a dick for breaking off the engagement when all Shiro wanted was one last trip to space. They'd both hidden from him how much Shiro had suffered with his condition, Keith not noticing the subtle small ways Adam would check how Shiro was fairing with just a touch or a look. Now Curtis was the one to cast Shiro those subtle looks, his people skills having sharpened drastically since he'd first left Earth. That's what happened when you had a loud mouth like Lance for a best friend and right hand man. Out of all of them, Lance was the one who'd constantly surprised him, such as his choice to say goodbye to space in order to be a farmer "How do you know about Curtis and Shiro?" "Because unlike you, I've spoken with him. Take some time off after this mission and go see him. It'll be good for both of them, and for you" "I was going to take some time off now that we've returned" "Excellent. Look into the disappearance then take your break" Right. The mission. His thoughts definitely shouldn't be shifting towards Hunk's fine dining skills which left everything he'd eaten since lacking. There was a whole planet out there, yet food goo still seemed to make up the basis of most long term supplies for the Blades "Keith?" Huffing at his mother, Krolia continued to stare at him "I'm going already. I'll call you when I find a lead" Axca fell in behind him as Keith left to pack "I could come with you, if you need an extra set of hands" "You heard Krolia. I need to stay below radar" "You have a habit of getting into trouble when left alone" You fly the ship in the wrong direction once and they never let you forget it "I'll be fine Axca. Take your time to relax. We've been working nonstop this last phoeb. Maybe you could take some time to check in with Veronica?" "She's busy" Keith could hear the pout in her voice. Axca had formed a firm friendship with Veronica during their time on Earth. Despite having confessed her feelings for him, Keith was sure that Axca was harbouring a crush on his so called rival's elder sister. With Zethrid and Ezor in a long term relationship, he wasn't sure what was stopping Axca from seeking out the same happiness "Then call her again" "I have. Twice. I don't think she's accepting my calls" "Have you tried since we returned?" "No" "There we go then. Kosmo, take us to my room" Grabbing a fistful of his wolf's fur, the jump across the palace was instant, saving him from dishing out more bad relationship advice. He'd had plenty of stupid crushes that had never amounted to anything more than a momentary fixation that served to confuse him even more. The highlight of his nonexistent dating life had been receiving the sex talk from Shiro who'd been just as red as Keith was by the end of it. Unfortunately, he'd had to suffer through the same talk with his mother... with Kolivan present. A two phoeb relief mission hadn't eased his embarrassment over the whole thing, as he'd found himself unable to meet Kolivan's eyes for longer than he'd cared to admit. Grabbing out his go bag, he packed light. Most of his things were already aboard his private ship on the off chance he'd be randomly evicted like he was currently being. His ship was nothing like Black. There was no magical mental bond to keep him distracted or reassure him when things went wrong, but it had been a gift from his mother so held some sentimental value "Ok, boy. Let's go before I give into the urge to crawl back into bed. Can you believe they're sending me out again so soon?" Yipping and teleporting across his room, Kosmo had far too much energy. Or maybe he was getting too old for all of this shit. His bed was a crumbled, yet inviting mess, that almost begged for him to crawl back beneath the covers for at least another 6 to 12 vargas of sleep. Catching hold of Kosmo as he teleported again, his wolf teleported him straight into the cockpit of his ship "Good boy. Let's get this show on the road" * With 9 vargas between him and his destination, Keith took his mother's advice. Pulling up his com's list, he thumbed through his contacts where he accidentally hit Lance's name. Each time he'd talked to his friend had been hard. Keith unable to forgive Allura for hurting Lance like she did, despite understanding her sacrifice had been necessary. Her death had shook Lance to his very core, and had left him shaken for months after the fact. Being Lance he'd cried, cracked jokes, then announced he was staying on Earth. His best friend's parents relieved to see their son not leaving again, and the term Voltron was spoken in hushed tones right up until the day they'd left him behind. Lance hadn't even come to see them off. "Yo! Leandro, turn that thing off" Catching sight of bright neon lights, what looked like some kind of club, then an awkward downward angle of two sets of legs, Keith rushed to apologise for the misdial, only Lance cut him off first "Hey. Sorry man. Now isn't good. Talk later" With that the call was dropped. Keith frowning down at his communicator as his brain kicked into gear. That was definitely Lance's voice... but who the fuck was "Leandro"? And that city... it didn't look like it was on Earth, though it had been some time since last visited. Earth was recovering and rebuilding, it didn't make sense to concentrate all their resources on the planet when other smaller planets were in greater need. Besides, Pidge was there, her family having taken over training and building the next generation of space fighter jets. If they needed the help, they could always recall the Atlas. Shaking off the weird call, he was extra careful not to click Lance's name as he scrolled back through his contacts, first thinking of calling Shiro, then remembering he'd probably wish to talk about Curtis and that he'd be no real help there, scrolling back up, he tapped Hunk's name as he pulled the call up onto the ship's screen. It was only a few short tick's before the former Yellow Paladin's face filled his screen "Keith! Hey man, is it that time already?" That time being their preorganised once a movement call "No. I was going to call Shiro, but Krolia filled me in on the Curtis situation" Sighing deeply, Hunk nodded "It's driving all of us mad. Anyway. What's up?" Hunk was clearly in the kitchen, Keith could hear the soft sounds of a blade against a chopping board. His communicator must have been placed on a shelf or something so he could take the call "If you're busy, I can call back?" "No! No, man. It feels like its been ages" "You know what it's like, one mission after the next. Axca's been trying to contact Veronica, but she hasn't been taking her calls" "Things have been crazy here. That and she's been dodging calls from home" "That sounds like something Lance would do" Hunk nodded "That's exactly what he's been doing. His mother wants her to go check in with him in person, but Veronica insists Lance is doing what he needs to do" What now?" "I thought he was on Earth?" "No? Didn't he tell you? He took a job on Erathus not long after Allura's memorial. Being his best friend, I thought he would have told you" No. Lance hadn't said anything... that was what... at least 5 phoebs in space and he'd said nothing. Forcing a smile the best he could, Keith nodded back at Hunk "It slipped my mind. Have you heard from him?" "No. He took a job working security, and apparently he's been having a blast. He can't call all the time, but I know he keeps in contact with Veronica" "You're not worried?" Looking into the camera, Hunk gestured with his knife "We both know how messed up he was after Allura. I feared he'd given up his dream of space completely. If he's enjoying his new line of work, then good for him" Messed up... was one way to put it "Yeah. Anyway, I'm going to sign off, you know a Blade's work is never done. Krolia's insisting I take a vacation after this mission, so we might be catching up sooner than you think" "Please come talk some sense into Shiro over this Curtis thing" Snorting, Keith shook his head "I am the last person who should be giving relationship advice to anyone" "Don't sell yourself short, man. You're the number one bachelor in the universe" "Now you sound like Lance" "What can I say, he rubs off on you. Take care of yourself, and I'll let Shiro know you called" "Thanks, Hunk. You too" Signing off, Keith slumped back in his pilot's chair. Lance was in space and he seemed to be the only one who had no idea. Did Pidge know? Probably. Leaving Earth required notifying the Garrison. If Pidge and Hunk knew, then Shiro would have to. Did Axca know? If she didn't before, she would now. And why was Lance on Erathus? Erathus was the playground for the rich. Kind of like the Hollywood of old reborn with the boom in interest when it came to all things Earth related. Earth wasn't exactly the closest of planets, so a barren planet had been cultivated then gifted the Erathus in reference to their Earth. None of this should be bothering him as much as it was. Lance had made it clear where they stood. Attempting to make his best friend feel better after the loss of his girlfriend, they'd gotten wasted on Nunvil and fallen into bed together. It was sloppy, they hadn't even had sex, just some awkward alcohol driven mutual masturbation as they made out then passed out drunk without cleaning up. The following morning Lance was gone. Keith know that for Lance it was an ugly mistake that never should have happened, his own heart felt as if it'd broken when Lance acted like nothing had happened, then admitted that the whole night was a blank when Shiro had teased them over drinking. So rejected by his crush, Keith had pushed his pain down to be there for Lance, only for Lance to decide he wasn't coming back to space. Coran had coaxed him as far as Altea by requesting his help in erecting Allura's monument, and speaking of her to the people of Altea, but if it wasn't Allura related it seemed to mean nothing to the Cuban now. Whining softly at him, Kosmo nosed at him with his wet nose "I know. I'm being pathetic. He already rejected me, yet here I am thinking of him all over again. Come on, let's get some sleep?"

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Caramel Skin Under a Vanilla Sky prt 24 full draft

Hiding in the dining area of the Telula, Lance stirred at the bowl of porridge in front of him with little interest. If it wasn't for the fact that Keith would find him in heartbeat if he'd hidden in the control room, Lance would have been hiding there instead. As far as he knew Keith was still sleeping off that messed up wine from the previous night. A wine that hadn't at all agreed with his mind. He spent the night dreaming of Keith as he slept in his arms. He'd woken with a moan on his lips, not understanding why his dreams were cut short until he released his pants were plastered to his nether regions. He'd come. He'd come so hard he still felt the pulses through his groin from release. Whimpering softly, his eyes widened as he released Keith was hard. His erection rubbing against his arse as Keith rutted gently against him. Filled with blind panic and nausea, Lance had ran. Barely keeping down the remnants of his dinner as he did. He'd had a wet dream about Keith... he'd come with his mind full of Keith... but without his permission or control over his actions. Breaking down in the bathroom, he'd thrown up until nothing was left. Light headed from withdrawal, the bright light of the bathroom felt like glass being plunged into his eyes. Everything was too loud. The feeling of water against his skin felt like he was being flayed alive as curled up in the corner of the shower, fingernails scratching and clawing at the soft and sensitive insides of his wrists until they turned to deep wounds. Coming to his senses, Lance forced himself from the shower. Too disgusted with himself to pause and straighten himself out in front of the mirror, ashamed and scared of the weak man who'd be staring back at him. He was supposed to be past all of this. Stronger than all of this. It'd happened phoebs ago, his time in captivity barely a drop in the ocean of time. He'd fought so hard to move on. Move past this dirty waste of space he'd been. "Lance, what are you thinking?" The spoon fell from Lance's hand as his head shot up. Sitting across from him, Allura looked as she had at the moment she'd left him, still dressed in her Paladin suit. Pushing his chair back, Lance left his bowl behind "Lance, where are you going?" He couldn't go the bridge. He couldn't go back to Keith. He could barely walk in a straight line "You'd choose to go back to him? Instead of being with me" "You're not real, Allura. You died. You're in my head" Mumbling to himself, Lance kept his head down as he made his way through his ship. He needed something to keep Allura away, but the only place he was going to find that was in the bathroom, despite him not wanting to go back there and be left alone with himself "Oh, Lance. I never could get anything past you. Compared to Lotor you were so simple. So willing to please" "Shut up" "Did I hit nerve? Are you going to cry to Keith? Tell him that you're coo-coo for your dead ex?" The word "coo-coo" had no business coming out of Allura's lips "Shut up!" "Keith won't stay with you. No one wants to stay with you. I didn't want to stay with you, so I died to escape you. You always were the seventh wheel" He knew that Allura was giving voice to his inner fears, but with it coming from her in her voice... tears started to roll down his face "Shut up!" "Oh, big brave Leandro. Crying over a little sex. Don't think I didn't watch you come. I know you did. You screamed and screamed, but you still came. You always liked the attention" Reaching the bathroom, Lance tripped over his own feet in his haste to get to his pills. Opening the cabinet to find it empty, the noise that came out of his mouth could only be described as a howl, when realised the cabinet was completely empty "You can't even put things away properly. No wonder Keith found them. No wonder he took them away from you. You're nothing but an addict" Nearly climbing into the space completely, Lance frantically tried to find something. Some kind of pill. Some broken tablet. A loose vial... but there was nothing there. Keith had said he'd trust him. That he'd be in control of his medications. Keith had lied to him. He needed his pills. He needed them and Keith took them. He knew it. He'd been right all along. Keith had been using him. He'd been laughing at him. Allura was right. He was useless. He was stupid. He was dirty and disgusting. Why Keith stayed he didn't know. Why would he care!? Why would anyone care? He was wrong. He was supposed to be dead. No one wanted him alive. His own mother didn't call him anymore. No. She talked to Keith... and Hunk talked to Keith. Why did no one love him? As he wanted was to be good. Klearo had told him to be good... Why wasn't he good? * Feeling for Lance, Keith groaned at the cold and vacant spot where Lance should have been. Both slightly drunk on the wine from church, he and Lance had fallen into bed together in a tangle of limbs. Lance howling as Keith somehow wound up tickling him. Falling asleep had been easy. Lance giving him permission to spoon around him, mumbling words of thanks as Keith nosed at his neck softly kissing the exposed skin. He'd forgotten how much fun Lance could be when he was drunk, and lacking a filter between his mouth and his brain. Yawning as he forced himself out of bed, Kosmo got up to lick at his leg as he Keith stretched high. Taking a deep breath as he deflated, Keith leaned down to scratch between Kosmo's ears "Hey, boy. You been outside yet?" Whining at him, Keith took that as a no "Go on. I'm going to take a shower and find Lance. He really shouldn't be wandering around like this" It was hard to know what to say to Kosmo. His wolf understood the circumstances and why Keith was spending so much time with Lance, but Keith still felt like he was leaving Kosmo out of everything. Having had him by his side as a puppy, the longest they'd been separated had been a few movements thanks to missions, and each time that happened Kosmo had Krolia to shower him with attention. With Lance being "ill", he wasn't up for being pawed over for cuddles, or coping a random wet nose to the face in the middle of the night. Kosmo wanted love and attention from both of them, and didn't understand why he had to settle for gentle pats or sleeping by their bed when there was space for the three of them. Trying to find any kind of balance was impossible now that Lance was going through withdrawal... meaning Kosmo had to wait, and Keith wasn't comfortable with that "I'm sorry, boy. I haven't been a very good owner lately. I know it seems like I never have time for you, but I do. You're a doofus, but you mean a lot to me. Why don't you go explore around here some more? Maybe you can find some space chickens to chase?" Kosmo cocked his head, tail starting to wag faster "Yes. I'm giving you permission. Just don't attack anyone's pet..." Disappearing mid-sentence, it seemed all was forgiven with his wolf. Even if it weighed heavily on Keith. He probably should also check in with Shiro at least to warn him over Lance's anxieties... and that Lance's team was accompanying them. All of this could wait until after he'd showered and retrieved Lance from the bridge. The stubborn Cuban would more than likely be back up there trying to work everything out on his own while feeling like Quiznak. Hearing the shower running, Keith knocked lightly. When he got no reply, he let himself into the small space to check on Lance. Given they were the only two who used the bathroom, he'd intended to tease Lance over the previous night with the threats of tickles, or if Lance was throwing up, he wanted to be there to hold his hair back and reassure him. Option three of a bleeding Lance hadn't come to mind. Covering in the back corner of the shower, Lance was fully clothed. The bathroom mirror had been shattered beyond repair with pieces lying across the floor telling him no matter what he did, he should expect to get glass in his feet if he tried to get to Lance barefooted. Glancing around the space, he cursed himself over the fact both their towels were in their room. With the smell of blood in the air, he didn't have time to go back and get them. Stripping off his shirt, it offered a small sliver of protection as Keith moved to the shower. Turning the taps off, Lance didn't even notice. A large piece of mirror in his left hand seemed to be where most of the blood was coming from "Lance? Hey..." Reaching out, Lance was unresponsive. Letting Keith take the broken mirror from his hold. The tick it was gone, Lance seemed to come to, shrieking and kicking as he screamed for Allura to leave him alone. Lunging at him, Keith caught Lance with ease, using the momentum to hoist him onto his shoulder and carry him from the shower with him. Being off the shower floor only made Lance more violent. His fingernails scratching up Keith's back as Lance bit him. Hauling Lance back to their room, Keith finally stood him up when the door had closed. The first thing Lance tried to was take a swing at him, the look in his eyes akin to a feral beast. Catching him before he fell, Keith forced Lance back towards the bed "Let me out!" "Lance, it's ok..." "Let me the fuck out!" "Lance, alright. It's Keith" "Let me go! You can't keep me here like this!" Whatever world Lance was in, it wasn't the same one Keith was. He only had a very rudimentary knowledge of withdrawal, and seeing it was so much different to being the one trying to help someone through it "Lance! Hey, look at me. It's Keith!" "I don't fucking care! Let me out! I need my pills!" Pushing hard against him, Keith was glad for his Galra strength. For someone weakened, the strength of force against him was completely unexpected "Lance, hey. Calm down!" "You're killing me! You're trying to kill me! I need my pills!" One moment Lance was struggling, the next he'd burst into tears, was speaking Spanish, and collapsing against Keith. Taking a very long tick to tick over, his brain realised Lance had both wet himself and thrown up on him. If it wasn't for the fact the water he'd found Lance in had been cold, he wouldn't have noticed the warmth against front. Lance was only supposed to be four quintants in to this. Was all of this supposed to be happening so fast? If Lance was like this the whole time, he wouldn't be able to lead his team, nor would be able to leave his room. If Lance snapped and truly perceived anyone on the ship as a threat, they'd end up dead. He didn't know how much of Lance's busted mind was able to recall of the past. All it took was for Lance to see one of his team, not recognise them, and that would be it. Lance would never recover from hurting his team. Their fragile bonds of trust were deepening, but withdrawal was a tricky thing. Withdrawal with the memories of the past you tried to forget smothering you was on a whole other level. Every "embarrassing" thing Lance did he would spend hours fixating on when his mind cleared. He'd probably never recover from the shame of wetting himself against Keith, so that would have to be another secret for the half-Galran to keep. * Trying to take Lance off both the blue and red pills proved too much for Lance. They were barely half a quintant out from Daehra's home planet when Lance had had a seizure, his fever spiking while Keith had been sleeping next to him. Keith was exhausted from chasing after Lance. Lance had wanted to be on the bridge when they left, so he was. His face hidden from his concerned team by one of his masks. Keith didn't know what Daehra had said to the team, only that they seemed to accept her words and hadn't asked Lance if he was alright. Even Lucteal had taken it down a notch with his constant attacks, possibly because Lance appointed him acting commander for the time being, during one of his more lucid moments. Except when lucidity to turned to anger and he on the back foot. His not-boyfriend boyfriend had been beyond livid at Helo's disappearance being kept from him. Keith threatened with a torrent of Spanish that he didn't need to know Spanish to understand. All of which Lance apologised for a few ticks later when he started crying. Despite the fact they were still moving forward with getting Lance detoxed, they'd gone backwards in other areas. Lance was tensing again over being touched. Loud noises made him flinch, while sleeping in the same bed was only accomplished with Kosmo between them. That's how he'd missed the start of Lance's seizure. With the lights dimmed in the medbay, Keith was holding Lance's hand. His love interest groggy from the seizure and the medication in his system, but had managed to make Keith's heart skip a beat when he'd smiled at him within ticks of opening his eyes. It was the most happiness he'd seen from Lance since dinner adventure with Annla nearly a six quintants ago. Massaging the back of Lance's hand, Lance barely moved as he tried to. Letting out an unhappy groan, Keith leaned up so he'd be able to hear what Lance wanted to ask. His lips were chewed badly, leaving scabby looking sores in the place of their softness. Withdrawal had been hell on Lance's body. He couldn't hold his good down, his gums had bled, his wrists needed to be bandaged so he didn't hurt himself in his sleep. Plus, Lance's healing seemed to only work when it felt like it. His cuts and scratches had healed, but the bleeding gums and cracked lips had stayed. Keith still found him beautiful. Rasping softly, Lance coughed. His throat probably dry from his nasally snoring, as he slurred "How... bad...?" "You didn't hurt anyone. You had a seizure in your sleep. Daehra did some scans. Your body started shutting down from the stress of going off both pills" From the amount of times Keith had seen Lance's bottom lip tremble in the past movement, as well as the rancid scent that came before the tears, it was no surprise when tears began to rolls down Lance's cheeks "You're going to be ok. Daehra's fixed up all your doses for you. She readded lower doses of that red pill for you" All Lance's "medication" now came in measured out injectable doses. Lance had lost his shit over his missing pills, leaving Keith not trusting him to turn the ship inside out in an effort to find something to take "I don't want to..." "I know you don't. You've made so much progress. This is just a little blip" "I messed up" Withdrawal was hard, Lance was fighting his best. He knew every time he asked for drugs he didn't mean it. Lance had chosen to take the steps all by himself in the begin, now all Keith could do was support him "No. Hey, you didn't mess up. I've never done this before, helping and not watching. I didn't notice your fever had risen so high again..." "Not your fault... sleepin'" "I should have noticed though" "No... not you... fault" Raising his hand, Lance flinched as Keith wiped away the drool at the side of his mouth "How..." "You were out for a few vargas. Had to get you stabilised, but your temperature's finally evened out. Daehra said you need to rest for the rest of the night" "All I've been doing" If that was all Lance could remember doing, it was for the best "I know, babe. I know you're sick of it. It shouldn't be that much longer before you start feeling better again" Snorting at him, Lance squeezed his hand weakly "Can't feel much worse" "Can I help? I had Daehra dim the lights because I know how sensitive your eyes are" "Jus' stay... I wanted to beat this for you... but I failed again" "You didn't fail, babe. You've never ever failed me" Maybe pushed him to his emotional breaking point, and shattered his heart with his terror, but never disappointed "Feel like I did" "Then you'd be wrong. I knew it was going to be hard, and was prepared for it. If you thing I love you any less for this, you're crazy" "K-Keith..." Hiccuping, Lance cringed as more tears rolled down his face "You're ok, babe. You're going to be ok. You just rest" "Don't wanna sleep... keep... seeing them..." From the way Lance had cried out both Allura and Klearo's names in his sleep, there was no point bothering pretending that there weren't who haunted Lance's dreams "What do you want?" "Can you just talk to me? Don't care 'bout what" Keith wasn't great at stories. He was also still half standing like an idiot, but from Lance's drooping eyelids it wouldn't be long until he fell back to sleep "Of course I can. Did I tell you about the time I fell in love with a stubborn idiot?" Lance gave him a drooly smile "He's wasted on you" "I don't think so. You see, he was loud and obnoxious. Always trying to pick fights with me. Then one day, he went and did something heroic and scared the shit out of us all. He went and saved Coran's life in a explosion" "Sounds like a dick" "The best bit was that he pulled off this amazing shot. Woke right up out of this coma to do it, then he went and passed out again like a total arsehole as I cradled him in my arms. That was the first time I saw him as something other than a cry baby" "He sounds like he is" "Nah. He's the bravest man I know. He might even be braver than Shiro, but don't tell Shiro I said that. There was this other time he invited me on this mission out to clear out sentries. He went total bad arse and blew the whole place up" "Wanker" "But he's a cute wanker. He's really scared too. He thinks I can't love him for all he's been through" "You don't know everything..." "I know plenty" "You don't... not... everything" Struggling to keep his eyes open, Lance looked at him sadly "Lance, I know that Allura changed your body. I know we all hurt you. I know I fucked up by not being a better friend. I know you're not comfortable in your body. But, babe. I've seen you naked. I've helped shower you, even though I know you don't like being touched. I've seen all your scars. None of it repulses me. I know if our positions were reversed, you would be right here where I am. You'd be telling me I'm not a worthless fuck up" "I can... stand it because it's you... I think it's always been you..." "I don't ever want to hurt you" "I hurt you... so much... you look so tired" "I'm fine. I'll rest in a little bit" Keith was beyond exhausted. The only time he slept was when Lance did, which hadn't been very often or more than a varga or so at a time "I don't know why you stayed... I'm wrong..." "You're not wrong" "I am... Klearo knew it..." Closing his eyes, Lance shook hard as his breathing grew uneven "Hey, you're ok. He's gone. He can't touch you" "He... oh, god... Keith... he got me pregnant... what kind of a freak am I? The Galra could smell it... called me a pregnant bitch... then... he... stomped on my stomach... I want my own body back... I... can't stop thinking about it... I... I'm so sorry" Trying to roll away from him, Lance cried harder when he found he couldn't move. Ignoring the fact that touch scared him so much that the fact Lance could hold his hand was some kind of miracle, Keith through caution to the wind as he lifted the covers to carefully slide in beside Lance. Gathering him up in his arms, Lance tried to fight him, but with Daehra's cocktail of drugs and exhaustion from his seizure, it amounted to less than having a fly land on his shoulder "What did she do to me? I don't get it... I don't know what she did..." "I know, babe. I don't know what she did either. But she cared about you. I can't believe she'd do this just to her you" "She never loved me... I loved her. I wanted to be enough for her... but I wasn't... and now I'm this" If Lance "had been enough", then they never would have been in this position. It was possible that Allura and Lance could have broken up. Or they could have married and had children. As much as Keith loathed how everything had played out, he was grateful to have Lance to himself "You're more than enough" Whimpering against him, Keith prayed that Lance wouldn't wet the bed. He'd finally found clothes in Lance's closet that fitted loosely enough that he could sleep in them, and chase around after Lance in them without having to worry about something digging in on some part of him "I got pregnant... how... how is that ok? It's wrong... this body is wrong" "You're not wrong. Ok. We're going to work this out. We'll figure out what Allura did. Even if it takes the whole rest of my life, I promise I'll get you answers" "I... t-told you I got pregnant... how can you... why aren't you disgusted?" "Because you're still you. No matter what you think. I don't really understand everything, but you're more than your body" Sucking in a breath, Lance let out a few coughs as he tried to calm. Giving him time, Lance finally got the words out "Thank you... I know they're words... but... I nearly believe them what you say it" "You should believe them. All of this. This belongs to you. No one is ever going to touch you like that again. Ever" "Th-thank you..." "You're welcome, babe. You're welcome" Squashing down the feelings of rage until Lance fell asleep, Keith directed all his hatred into glaring at the roof of the medbay. It wasn't enough they were on a power trip over the Red Lion. They had to take things even further for no reason at all. It wasn't the first time Keith had these thoughts or the last, and he hated the fact that Lance had to be nearly out of his mind to tell him something as deep as being pregnant, but what the fuck was he supposed to do now? They were in space with some unknown aliens chasing after Lance now he had that damn bounty on his head. There was also a meeting between Shiro and his mother that he wasn't looking forward too because he knew Lance would be demanding to return to the outpost. Then there was the fact that ships were still missing and they had no clear leads on that. They hadn't bought anything Hunk's engagement party. They hadn't been able to talk about how comfortable Lance was with them being a "them" in the eyes of the others. Lance was still stuck detoxing, even though it was into his second movement. And finally, every molecule of his being was longing for so much sleep that he was cursing his mind for racing and not allowing him to sleep now that he was in bed with Lance. He needed a break... he and Lance needed a goddamn holiday from their holiday... or whatever this in between things was. A trip to a nice private plant with a beach for Lance, and something Keith could stab would be great. Fuck it. Glaring wasn't working. He'd kill to have access to the castle's training room right about now. Stabbing things always made life better. * Fifteen quintants after Lance started detoxing was he finally up and shuffling around again on his own. They were now around a third of the way out to the Atlas, and Lance was sick of being in the Telula. He was embarrassed by his behaviour, and even more embarrassed over how he'd treated Keith. Waking before Keith wasn't too hard with how tired he looked as he slept, his unofficial boyfriend curled into Kosmo because touching was still likely to send Lance into a panic attack when he woke confused. Wanting to do something to make up for his atrocious behaviour, Lance had already washed their clothes, blankets, sheets and towels, as well as prepared a simple breakfast for Keith. When his nightmare had cut a few ticks short of Klearo killing Keith, he hadn't been in the mood to fall back to sleep. It was better that he was up and around, playing Leandro the best he could for his team. Sitting in bed with Kosmo's head in his lap, Keith curled around the wolf from his shoulders down, and with his holopad in hand, Lance was only finally catching up with the complete report of the damage and repairs to the Telula, as well as the news he'd missed while unfit to person. Annla's people wouldn't hear of compensation after he'd brought so much in aid, but the job had been massive so he'd sent word out to a rebel camp he'd met before and had them pick up some more supplies to deliver to the planet. All of it effortlessly paid for by an online transfer of GAC that included extra to compensate for their time and effort. Hearing Keith start to mumble in his sleep, Lance placed his holopad down on the bedside table. Pricking his ears up, Kosmo whined softly as Lance reached over him to shake Keith awake. The moment his hand touched Keith's shoulder, Keith shot up in bed with his mouth wide open, an arm extended as if to grab something. Fighting down his panic, Lance wished he didn't know what all of this meant. Letting his hand drop, Keith took a few ticks before he finally groaned, both hands moving to rub at his face, as Lance moved to rest his hand in his lap, a safe distance from a jumpy Keith "Keith?" "I'm alright. One hell of a nightmare" "I guessed. Want to talk about it?" "No, it's ok..." Interrupting his sentence with a yawn, Keith let himself flop down onto Kosmo "... sorry. I guess I'm still tired. How long have you been awake?" "A couple of vargas. Had a shower and did some washing" Nuzzling into Kosmo's fur, Keith smiled up at him "You look like you're feeling better" "Still kind of queasy, but I haven't thrown up or thrown anything today" "Mmmm, that's good. Why didn't you wake me?" "You looked like you needed the sleep... and the morning was a little shaky" "Nightmare?" "Klearo again" "I fucking hate him so much" Snorting, Lance appreciated Keith's support "He's dead now. Wanna try again and tell me yours?" "Nope, but now you told me yours I have to tell you mine. I was dreaming that when I came back with my mum, you weren't there anymore. I finally found you and you turned into a frog" Raising an eyebrow, Lance hoped Keith knew how much he was silently judging him. Huffing at him, Keith pouted "I didn't say it made sense" "A frog..." "Don't rub it in" "I mean, I look killer in green... but a frog. Couldn't you think of something cooler?" "No. Apparently not. It was fine until your did that flicky tongue thing and tried to eat my head" "Keith, I would never try to eat your head" "I don't know. You bit me before" He'd seen the marks on Keith's body as he slept. The blankets having slipped down to his waist, leaving his arms exposed. Feeling his eyes tearing up again, wiped them away quickly. The hallucinations might suck, but the tears were even worse. Everything made him cry. He'd cried that morning because Kosmo looked adorable in Keith's arms when he'd come back with breakfast. It was out of control "I'm sorry..." "It's alright. I'm healing, you know, part Galra and all that" "You were trying to help... and I bit you. Normal people don't bite people" "We agreed what happened as you detoxed would stay between us. I'm not mad at you. Now, are you really alright? No dizziness? Blurred vision? Fever?" "No... I'm cold, and a little dizzy if I move too fast. I feel better now I can move again" "Did you shower?" Hadn't Keith already asked that? "Yeah. My skin's still itchy as hell" "Do you want me to take a look?" "No. I put some cream on it... You can go back to sleep if you want" "I smell food" "I made you breakfast" Keith's eyes widened "You made me breakfast?" "I wanted to... I wanted to thank you. You know, for putting up with me. I don't remember everything, but what I do remember is bad enough" "It wasn't you. It was the drugs" Shame swelled in Lance's gut. Looking from Keith, the edge of the blanket suddenly became incredibly interesting "Lance, it was the drugs" "I heard you" "Then why didn't you say anything" "Because I choose to put them in my body... I chose that and you got left with the mess" "You were trying to cope" Letting out a sad snort, there was no way Keith could argue logic when it came to the fact he was still a junky "And I did that oh so well. I'm still fucking addicted to god knows what. I can't stop my other pills... I don't even know if I can stop. Even now, I want to find something and swallow it... the craving is still there" "Can I ask what it's like?" Taking a deep breath, Lance didn't want to answer but he needed to be honest with Keith about his addiction. He didn't trust himself not to relapse given he wasn't "It's like... like flying. The first time we flew our lions for fun. That rush. That feeling like you could do anything. You couldn't even concentrate because it felt so right. That exhilaration and that feeling that every single part of your body is alive... it's like that... but then you start getting used to it. You take more for the same high... it took my marks away. It took away Lance who was weak and worthless. It stopped me dreaming every single night of being tortured. I felt free. Like I could do anything..." Feeling self conscious over the way Keith was staring up at him, Lance resisted the urge to hide Keith's face with a pillow as his reply hung in the air. Keith would probably think he'd snapped again and was trying to kill him off "... so yeah... I was already addicted to the injections. The used them on me to keep me quiet and complacent. But my body started burning through the injections. They started giving me more and more until I could still think and move with it filling my system. It's weird. The effects last longer if I only shoot up once a day... that's why I still don't understand how I overdosed... the hospital said I had to go off it slowly or I'd die. They actually sent me home with some..." Rolling over, Keith nodded "It's highly addictive and changes your quintessence" "Basically my heart will stop and my organs will shut down if I try to stop cold turkey. There's something else about brain damage, but I think I might be slightly brain damaged from being tortured. Then again, I was always the stupid one" "I wish you'd stop saying that. You weren't the stupid one" "I still feel like I am. I don't know how I can face the others" "I'll be there. The team will be there" "Yeah... with their loony leader. Sorry. I'm being stupid" "You are. I'm not going to make you face everyone alone and it's not like I'm going to tell them your secrets. You being raped. That's for you to share with who you feel comfortable with" "I know you and Daehra have discussed it" Keith winced, Lance feeling bad for the underhand dig "I only discussed your medical history with her so we could figure out how best to help you without taking away your independence..." "I know. It still hurt. I didn't want people to know. I'm sick of fucking pity and being given a free pass. I'm sick of being crazy and scared, and everyone looking at me and knowing. And now I'm lashing out again" "Not everyone knows. The team know something, but I don't know what Daehra told them. She wouldn't have told them everything" "I know. Look. You can add paranoia to your list. I was anxious and paranoid before it happened, and now it's even worse... my head's already a mess over the fact I can't remember what happened. My sense of time is fucked. That's why I need routine. I need to do things at a certain time or I panic... it felt like they had me for years... then I come out and find it was three fucking movements" "I'm sorry" "See. That's why I don't want people to know. I don't want them to say sorry. If they cared, they'd have been there when it mattered. I'm sick of reaching out my hand and having it slapped away. I'm sick of it. And now I've done the same fucking thing to my team. Me and my drugs came first" Spiralling, Lance forced himself to climb off the bed. His mouth kept moving, hurting Keith despite his wish to treasure the man who'd been his light in the darkness "Lance?" "I... need to breathe" "I can..." "No. I need to be alone right now" "You don't have to leave" "I'm going to the bridge. I can't... keep talking about this right now" "Will you... alright. I'll come find you once I've had breakfast and a shower" Nodding at Keith, Lance let him sitting there with Kosmo as he began walking towards the bridge. Anger furling each step as he wanted to throw himself into the airlock and be swept out to space. He'd brought it up. He'd pushed the subject. Now he was the one running away like the attention whore he was. If only he'd taken Keith's ship and detoxed himself off on the middle of nowhere. Then Keith never would have had to suffer through his evolution into a bigger fuck up. Catching Allura at the edge of his vision, only increased his desire to jump out the airlock. He was a fucked up freak of nature and everyone was going to know it the moment they reached the Atlas. * Leaving him to settle, Keith sought Lance out a varga or so later on the bridge where Lance was rerouting their trip over to the Atlas. He and Keith both needed some space from each other. They'd practically been on top of each other since their little adventure began, and as nice as it was, it also wasn't all that healthy for either of them or their "relationship". Once they reached the Atlas, they couldn't be this close. The others would only tease them, and he could already see Pidge making bets about their love life, or degrading Keith for his choice in Lance. Throwing himself down, Keith dropped his head against Lance's shoulder, before sitting right back up. He barely had time to tense, untense and try to find words before Keith was apologising "I'm sorry. I didn't think" "It's alright. I mean... you don't need to treat me differently" "I didn't mean to. I just don't want to make you uncomfortable" "I know. Thanks. How was breakfast?" "Great. Better than anything I've had in quintants" Lance's heart gave a funny flutter at Keith's praise. The words on the map in front him no longer seemed to make sense as he tried not to seem too happy about it all "You're welcome" "You should cook more often" "I'm not all that great..." That and the smell had been hell on his stomach. His mother had drilled all the basic recipes into him, not that anyone ever asked him about it while living on the castle "I think you are. Is anything interesting happening?" "I need a supply run done. We're down on medical supplies and this... is still on going. If something major happens, we're not going to be prepared" "Do you think it will?" Not if they kept moving through the safer sectors. That still carried the risk of a rouge police cruiser, or another bounty hunter coming after the Telula. She was rather recognisable "I'd rather not be caught out if it does. I was trying to figure out which trade moon to send you and Daehra too" "Me? What? When did you decide this?" "While you were getting ready. I've already changed our travel plans, if I could go, I would. We know I can't go down there myself, not without risking everyone" "You're sending me shopping?" "I'm sending you down with Daehra. I know you miss piloting, and I need someone I can trust" "You're sending both of us?" "Yeah. Don't worry, I'll be here at the helm" Lance knew what Keith was asking. If they were gone, who would be baby sitting his loser arse. Lance honestly had no intention of leaving the command room. Housekeeping had been done for the pair of them that morning, meaning it was housekeeping time for the rest of the ship. The most extreme thing that would happen was maybe a nap if his symptoms grew worse. Sighing at him, Keith dropped his head back against Lance's shoulder. The look on his face would give Kosmo a run with those pleading puppy dog eyes "Keith. I'm going to be fine" "I don't like shopping" "You complained when I left you in Daehra's pod, and now you don't want to go?" "I wanted to go with you last time" "Well I can't go. Daehra needs supplies. My pathetic arse used up most of them trying to detox. I need you to keep her safe and you probably need a break from being next to me" "I'm fine..." "You've literally had to take care of me for two movements. I've thrown up on you. Scratched the shit out of you. Bitten you. Screamed at you and tried to seduce you into giving me more pills. I don't want to remember what else I've done to you. But I want you to go be Keith for a few vargas" "You couldn't..." "Keith. I'm a drug addict. I love the way they make me feel. I'm still going through withdrawal for one pill. One. You're going to burn yourself out if you keep trying to keep up with me. I'm having a goodish day, and you getting some rest is important to me" Reaching over to cup Keith's cheek, Lance rubbed his thumb over the large purple scar. Why'd Keith have to be so beautiful? "Shopping feels more like you're trying to torture me" "I know, but I'm not sending Zak. You won't have to pay much attention to anything techy. I want Dae to pick up some extra herbs too. The Atlas doesn't come out this way, and I was thinking Dae would really benefit from meeting Mrs Holt" Keith nuzzled into his touch. Lance was winning this battle "I told her the same thing..." "It should only take 6 or 7 vargas" "What? Why...?" And gone was cute Keith, now replaced with angry Keith... who was still unfairly cute "Because I said so. It'll take another varga until I'm happy enough for you two to leave, then there's travel time" "I feel like we had to go through all this before" "And when you're in command, you can boss me around" "We both know that's not going to happen" "Maybe. Maybe not... I also have a few things you need to pick up while you're there" Groaning at him, Keith conceded "Fine. What do you want?" "We can't show up to an engagement party with no gift" "I can't go gift shopping! I have no taste" "I know. I need some makeup too" "What? Why?" "Because of my marks. How am I supposed to explain that they keep flickering?" "Oh..." "Yep. Now get off me. I have work to do" "What work? Can I help?" Stupid Keith. He was supposed to be relaxing "Not really. I'm going through the sectors to make sure it'll be safe to reach the Atlas" "Shiro can..." Shiro could come and pick them up. He knew. All it would take would be a call from Keith and he'd come running. Lance didn't have the energy to pretend he wasn't salty about that "Shiro has enough to worry about. When we get closer to civilisation we'll be swapping to codes" "Codes again? You never taught me all of them" "There are ships out there that scan past the scramblers and listen in on what you're saying on board. I'd prefer not to lead trouble to Shiro's doorstep" "They can do that?" "To these old ships. Nothing would get past those codes of Pidge's" "So why the codes?" "Because she's old. I don't want all of us dead. I don't think that's the kind of engagement present Hunk and Shay would like" "At this point, it's more of an idea that what I have" This wasn't supposed to be some kind of test for Keith. He wanted him to be happy, not stressed "Keith, think with you heart. Shay had only seen the universe by Hunk's side. You find her something starry and pretty. Hunk. He's like a goddamn teddy bear. You pick something that he'll always know came from you" Keith hummed "I probably shouldn't buy him socks" "No. If you get stuck, you can always ask Dae" "Yeah. I suppose. It'd be easier if you were there" "We be shot at if I was there" "I'd rather not be shot, or you shot" "I'll be fine Keith. It's one little stop then we'll be off to see that brother of yours" When the time for Keith, Kosmo and Daehra to leave, Lance was glad Daehra hadn't told Keith how nervous he was. Sure, Lucteal was there to support him while the pair of them were gone. As we're Zak and Tobias. Keith however, wasn't them. Keith had passed the barriers of professionalism. Lying his arse off, he wished them well and cleared Keith's ship to leave. The moment he saw Keith's ship appear in the sights of the Telula's windows, his panic started to rise. Lance wanted to call Keith back. To be beg him not to leave him behind. Daehra was experienced enough to fulfil picking up supplies on her own, she'd been in plenty of scrapes. And yes, he wanted them both to rest, yet he feared if Keith left to do the supply run alone, his not-boyfriend would never return. A varga passed, then a second one, Lance fleeing from the command room when his nerves finally shattered. Lucteal was going over rebel data with him, Lance trying to figure out who they could rely on now that he was wanted. Not recognising his own symptoms of his own panic attack coming on, Lucteal took him by the arm to gently inform him. Their relationship strained, not what it was before, but not broken like his was with Voltron. Lucteal had taken a hit to the heart, but he'd find a way move forward. Foolishly Lance fled to his room. Without Keith and Kosmo there, it felt too big and empty. Keith's scent lingered in air, on his clothes, on their sheets. Reduced to tears, and lonely beyond words, Lance wept for Keith. Time apart was healthy for relationship. Love and romance was never like in the movies. You had to fight. You had to talk. You had to have your own space. All those ups and downs were necessary. Being best friend with your lover and only your lover wasn't healthy. He wanted Keith to breathe. To feel like he wasn't always shackled down by something being wrong with him. He loved him and truly wanted him to be happy. * Spending varga upon varga away from Lance wasn't how Keith pictured his day playing out. Every moment off the Telula had him wishing they'd stayed in bed. Keith was relieved Lance's symptoms were finally easing, but it wasn't easy to be away from him. It felt like his right arm had been cut off, like all the strength and stability that kept him anchored had been ripped away. If Daehra noticed, she didn't let on, both of them worrying for Lance in their own ways. Since leaving her planet again Daehra seemed softer, it was like what spending two years on that space whale had done for him, only over a short period of time. She'd made peace with whatever in her past still haunted her and was growing into her own skin. The same could be said for Lucteal. Both freed of invisible chains and taking control of their own lives. Having Kosmo teleport them up to the medbay of the Telula from his ship, Keith left Daehra to sort her supplies while he carried the shopping he'd done for Lance back to their quarters. Lance had given him GAC to cover all expenses, but when it came to Lance he wanted to pay for everything Lance wanted or needed with his own money. So he'd gotten slightly carried away. Withdrawal had left Lance freezing, even while bundled up under a pile blankets. When Keith had found soft blankets for sale at one of the market stalls, he'd gotten carried away. He'd spiralled form there. Lance's skin had been itchy and dry, so Daehra helped him choose creams that should ease the irritation. Light hurt Lance's eyes, so he'd picked up a new set of glasses for him. He had it so fucking bad for the Cuban, and he'd been so fucking lonely without him. Whenever something interesting caught his eyes, he turned to point it out to Lance only for him not to be there. Letting himself into their room, Lance was sleeping on Keith's side of their bed. His scent hanging in the air. The hues and tinges telling the half-Galra he'd been missed by Lance as much as he'd missed him. Placing their shopping by the end of the bed, Keith shrugged off his jacket before fighting with his boots. All he wanted to do was climb into bed with Lance, but in his haste he'd tried to get his boots off without undoing his laces enough, resulting in the process taking even longer. Rousing as he lifted the blankets to slip in beside him, Keith found himself pulled up flush against Lance. Held tightly, Keith smiled as he kissed Lance's hair. It seemed touching was alright for now, so he wanted to make the most of it "Hey, beautiful. Did you miss me?" "You came back... you came back to me" Clutching Keith tighter, Keith let out a soft laugh. He'd been more worried about Lance doing a runner while they'd been gone than he wanted to admit. Yet with the way Lance lit up over him returning, he felt silly... No. not just silly. He felt home. This was all he could ever want. More than he'd imagined from Lance, and more than he imagined Lance was able to give at the moment "Of course I did. I didn't want to leave in the first place. Were you alright? How long have you been down here?" Nuzzling into him, Lance seemed on a mission to smother him to death with love "I... had an attack. I nearly had an attack, I mean. Lucteal pointed it out to me, so I came down here. I missed you" "You could have called" "I didn't want to make a scene... I hadn't calculated how damn much I'd miss that stupid face of yours" "Try telling that to my face instead of my chest" Releasing Keith enough to wriggle up so they were now face to face, Keith was in some kind of torturous heaven when Lance looped his leg over his to hold him close. Instead of his heart racing or his cheeks warming, all he felt was content in Lance's arms "I missed your stupid face" "I missed yours too" "I was scared you wouldn't come back. I tried to push it out my head and work, but from the moment you left all I could think about was how much I missed you. It felt... it's my ship, but it felt weird without you" "I was scared you would have jumped ship by the time I came back. Or you'd sent us away because there was some big bad danger you wanted to protect us from" "I've got no where to go. This ship is my home... plus my pod was destroyed..." "This anxiety thing is a bitch" Snorting lightly, Lance nodded. The Cuban's eyes were still slightly bloodshot from all the crying he'd done "Yep. Right now my heart's racing. When I came in here, all I could smell was you... I think my sense of smell is getting better" "I could smell you too. It was like I could smell how much you missed me" Lance sighed "You know I hate being smelt" "I know. I couldn't help it. The whole room smells of you. It shorted out my brain" "If it did, I can't tell the difference" "Rude" Falling into silence, Lance slowly grew tense in his hold. Easing off a little, the Cuban let out a sniffle that took him by surprise "What's wrong?" "Anxieties" "They're a bitch" "Yeah... God... I feel stupid" "For what?" "If I kiss you... would you be mad?" What... what?! "Mad?" "I want to kiss you... it's all I've been thinking about since you came back. I want to try kissing you... I want to be able to kiss you. You went on a mission, and I want to kiss you... I don't want to think about him... I want to show my boyfriend that I care about him" "Babe, you don't need to rush this. I know you care" Shaking his head, Lance didn't want to hear that "I want this for me... I am so sick and tired of having regrets" "I don't want to push you or force you" "You're not... but I don't want you to freak out and push me away" "I'm not going to freak out. I love you, you dork. All this is yours to kiss" "You're a wanker" "Not lately" Groaning at him, Lance shoved his shoulder playfully "I don't need to think about that" "Then how about you shut up and kiss me already?" "Now who's being rude" "You?" "You're such a jerk! I was worried about you" "And I..." Silenced as Lance pushed his lips against Keith's, Keith melted into touch. It was far more passionate than he'd expected, Lance somehow winding up in his lap as the kiss lasted several small eternities before breaking. Staring down at him, Lance was slightly flushed "Babe?" "Wow..." "Wow" was pretty right "... I think I'm going to be sick" And there it was... Lance climbing off his lap, and striding towards the bathroom with Keith was deflating back against the sheets "Stay here" Returning a few doboshes later, Lance's minty breath confirmed he did indeed vomit. Having moved to sit up in bed, Keith didn't know what to expect as Lance crawled up next to him "Lance?" "Sorry... that wasn't your fault" "You were sick" "That wasn't on you" "I don't want you p..." "Keith. That wasn't on you. My stomach's messed up from withdrawal. The kiss... was wow" That Keith knew all too well "Are you sure...?" "I'm sure... it was more than I thought it was going to be and maybe we should start with smaller kisses where I don't end up in your lap, but... I don't regret that" "Are you sure? Because that was amazing, and I definitely want more of that in the future, but I'm also happy with this..." His brain had broken. Lance liked kissing him. Lance liked kissing him! Rolling his eyes at him, Lance pressed a tiny kiss to Keith's lips "Yes. I'm sure" "Ok. Cool... cool... I... just... cool" Bunching his brow with concern Lance shifted back "Are you alright?" "Me, what I'm fine" "You're acting weird" If he was acting weird, it was all Lance's fault. That kiss... He was never going to forget that kiss "It was the kiss. I can't get it out my mind" "That good?" "Good? Don't sell yourself short Sharpshooter. It was better than I ever could have imagined" Scooching back into his side, Lance leaned into him "I really hope one day it'll be more" "Me too, babe. But for now, why don't I tell you about the swap moon?" "Was it cool?" "You would have loved it..." Keith never did get around to showing Lance everything he'd bought him that night. Exhausted from peopling, and with Lance not feeling that hot, the pair of them curled up in bed with Kosmo by their feet as Keith filled Lance in on all he'd missed at the swap moon. There were no more kisses for the night, but if Lance had kissed him like that again, he might have just broken his brain completely.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

CSUAVS prt 24 update. I call this the skippable chapter

Hiding in the dining area of the Telula, Lance stirred at the bowl of porridge in front of him with little interest. If it wasn't for the fact that Keith would find him in heartbeat if he'd hidden in the control room, Lance would have been hiding there instead. As far as he knew Keith was still sleeping off that messed up wine from the previous night. A wine that hadn't at all agreed with his mind. He spent the night dreaming of Keith as he slept in his arms. He'd woken with a moan on his lips, not understanding why his dreams were cut short until he released his pants were plastered to his nether regions. He'd come. He'd come so hard he still felt the pulses through his groin from release. Whimpering softly, his eyes widened as he released Keith was hard. His erection rubbing against his arse as Keith rutted gently against him. Filled with blind panic and nausea, Lance had ran. Barely keeping down the remnants of his dinner as he did. He'd had a wet dream about Keith... he'd come with his mind full of Keith... but without his permission or control over his actions. Breaking down in the bathroom, he'd thrown up until nothing was left. Light headed from withdrawal, the bright light of the bathroom felt like glass being plunged into his eyes. Everything was too loud. The feeling of water against his skin felt like he was being flayed alive as curled up in the corner of the shower, fingernails scratching and clawing at the soft and sensitive insides of his wrists until they turned to deep wounds. Coming to his senses, Lance forced himself from the shower. Too disgusted with himself to pause and straighten himself out in front of the mirror, ashamed and scared of the weak man who'd be staring back at him. He was supposed to be past all of this. Stronger than all of this. It'd happened phoebs ago, his time in captivity barely a drop in the ocean of time. He'd fought so hard to move on. Move past this dirty waste of space he'd been. "Lance, what are you thinking?" The spoon fell from Lance's hand as his head shot up. Sitting across from him, Allura looked as she had at the moment she'd left him, still dressed in her Paladin suit. Pushing his chair back, Lance left his bowl behind "Lance, where are you going?" He couldn't go the bridge. He couldn't go back to Keith. He could barely walk in a straight line "You'd choose to go back to him? Instead of being with me" "You're not real, Allura. You died. You're in my head" Mumbling to himself, Lance kept his head down as he made his way through his ship. He needed something to keep Allura away, but the only place he was going to find that was in the bathroom, despite him not wanting to go back there and be left alone with himself "Oh, Lance. I never could get anything past you. Compared to Lotor you were so simple. So willing to please" "Shut up" "Did I hit nerve? Are you going to cry to Keith? Tell him that you're coo-coo for your dead ex?" The word "coo-coo" had no business coming out of Allura's lips "Shut up!" "Keith won't stay with you. No one wants to stay with you. I didn't want to stay with you, so I died to escape you. You always were the seventh wheel" He knew that Allura was giving voice to his inner fears, but with it coming from her in her voice... tears started to roll down his face "Shut up!" "Oh, big brave Leandro. Crying over a little sex. Don't think I didn't watch you come. I know you did. You screamed and screamed, but you still came. You always liked the attention" Reaching the bathroom, Lance tripped over his own feet in his haste to get to his pills. Opening the cabinet to find it empty, the noise that came out of his mouth could only be described as a howl, when realised the cabinet was completely empty "You can't even put things away properly. No wonder Keith found them. No wonder he took them away from you. You're nothing but an addict" Nearly climbing into the space completely, Lance frantically tried to find something. Some kind of pill. Some broken tablet. A loose vial... but there was nothing there. Keith had said he'd trust him. That he'd be in control of his medications. Keith had lied to him. He needed his pills. He needed them and Keith took them. He knew it. He'd been right all along. Keith had been using him. He'd been laughing at him. Allura was right. He was useless. He was stupid. He was dirty and disgusting. Why Keith stayed he didn't know. Why would he care!? Why would anyone care? He was wrong. He was supposed to be dead. No one wanted him alive. His own mother didn't call him anymore. No. She talked to Keith... and Hunk talked to Keith. Why did no one love him? As he wanted was to be good. Klearo had told him to be good... Why wasn't he good? * Feeling for Lance, Keith groaned at the cold and vacant spot where Lance should have been. Both slightly drunk on the wine from church, he and Lance had fallen into bed together in a tangle of limbs. Lance howling as Keith somehow wound up tickling him. Falling asleep had been easy. Lance giving him permission to spoon around him, mumbling words of thanks as Keith nosed at his neck softly kissing the exposed skin. He'd forgotten how much fun Lance could be when he was drunk, and lacking a filter between his mouth and his brain. Yawning as he forced himself out of bed, Kosmo got up to lick at his leg as he Keith stretched high. Taking a deep breath as he deflated, Keith leaned down to scratch between Kosmo's ears "Hey, boy. You been outside yet?" Whining at him, Keith took that as a no "Go on. I'm going to take a shower and find Lance. He really shouldn't be wandering around like this" It was hard to know what to say to Kosmo. His wolf understood the circumstances and why Keith was spending so much time with Lance, but Keith still felt like he was leaving Kosmo out of everything. Having had him by his side as a puppy, the longest they'd been separated had been a few movements thanks to missions, and each time that happened Kosmo had Krolia to shower him with attention. With Lance being "ill", he wasn't up for being pawed over for cuddles, or coping a random wet nose to the face in the middle of the night. Kosmo wanted love and attention from both of them, and didn't understand why he had to settle for gentle pats or sleeping by their bed when there was space for the three of them. Trying to find any kind of balance was impossible now that Lance was going through withdrawal... meaning Kosmo had to wait, and Keith wasn't comfortable with that "I'm sorry, boy. I haven't been a very good owner lately. I know it seems like I never have time for you, but I do. You're a doofus, but you mean a lot to me. Why don't you go explore around here some more? Maybe you can find some space chickens to chase?" Kosmo cocked his head, tail starting to wag faster "Yes. I'm giving you permission. Just don't attack anyone's pet..." Disappearing mid-sentence, it seemed all was forgiven with his wolf. Even if it weighed heavily on Keith. He probably should also check in with Shiro at least to warn him over Lance's anxieties... and that Lance's team was accompanying them. All of this could wait until after he'd showered and retrieved Lance from the bridge. The stubborn Cuban would more than likely be back up there trying to work everything out on his own while feeling like Quiznak. Hearing the shower running, Keith knocked lightly. When he got no reply, he let himself into the small space to check on Lance. Given they were the only two who used the bathroom, he'd intended to tease Lance over the previous night with the threats of tickles, or if Lance was throwing up, he wanted to be there to hold his hair back and reassure him. Option three of a bleeding Lance hadn't come to mind. Covering in the back corner of the shower, Lance was fully clothed. The bathroom mirror had been shattered beyond repair with pieces lying across the floor telling him no matter what he did, he should expect to get glass in his feet if he tried to get to Lance barefooted. Glancing around the space, he cursed himself over the fact both their towels were in their room. With the smell of blood in the air, he didn't have time to go back and get them. Stripping off his shirt, it offered a small sliver of protection as Keith moved to the shower. Turning the taps off, Lance didn't even notice. A large piece of mirror in his left hand seemed to be where most of the blood was coming from "Lance? Hey..." Reaching out, Lance was unresponsive. Letting Keith take the broken mirror from his hold. The tick it was gone, Lance seemed to come to, shrieking and kicking as he screamed for Allura to leave him alone. Lunging at him, Keith caught Lance with ease, using the momentum to hoist him onto his shoulder and carry him from the shower with him. Being off the shower floor only made Lance more violent. His fingernails scratching up Keith's back as Lance bit him. Hauling Lance back to their room, Keith finally stood him up when the door had closed. The first thing Lance tried to was take a swing at him, the look in his eyes akin to a feral beast. Catching him before he fell, Keith forced Lance back towards the bed "Let me out!" "Lance, it's ok..." "Let me the fuck out!" "Lance, alright. It's Keith" "Let me go! You can't keep me here like this!" Whatever world Lance was in, it wasn't the same one Keith was. He only had a very rudimentary knowledge of withdrawal, and seeing it was so much different to being the one trying to help someone through it "Lance! Hey, look at me. It's Keith!" "I don't fucking care! Let me out! I need my pills!" Pushing hard against him, Keith was glad for his Galra strength. For someone weakened, the strength of force against him was completely unexpected "Lance, hey. Calm down!" "You're killing me! You're trying to kill me! I need my pills!" One moment Lance was struggling, the next he'd burst into tears, was speaking Spanish, and collapsing against Keith. Taking a very long tick to tick over, his brain realised Lance had both wet himself and thrown up on him. If it wasn't for the fact the water he'd found Lance in had been cold, he wouldn't have noticed the warmth against front. Lance was only supposed to be four quintants in to this. Was all of this supposed to be happening so fast? If Lance was like this the whole time, he wouldn't be able to lead his team, nor would be able to leave his room. If Lance snapped and truly perceived anyone on the ship as a threat, they'd end up dead. He didn't know how much of Lance's busted mind was able to recall of the past. All it took was for Lance to see one of his team, not recognise them, and that would be it. Lance would never recover from hurting his team. Their fragile bonds of trust were deepening, but withdrawal was a tricky thing. Withdrawal with the memories of the past you tried to forget smothering you was on a whole other level. Every "embarrassing" thing Lance did he would spend hours fixating on when his mind cleared. He'd probably never recover from the shame of wetting himself against Keith, so that would have to be another secret for the half-Galran to keep. * Trying to take Lance off both the blue and red pills proved too much for Lance. They were barely half a quintant out from Daehra's home planet when Lance had had a seizure, his fever spiking while Keith had been sleeping next to him. Keith was exhausted from chasing after Lance. Lance had wanted to be on the bridge when they left, so he was. His face hidden from his concerned team by one of his masks. Keith didn't know what Daehra had said to the team, only that they seemed to accept her words and hadn't asked Lance if he was alright. Even Lucteal had taken it down a notch with his constant attacks, possibly because Lance appointed him acting commander for the time being, during one of his more lucid moments. Except when lucidity to turned to anger and he on the back foot. His not-boyfriend boyfriend had been beyond livid at Helo's disappearance being kept from him. Keith threatened with a torrent of Spanish that he didn't need to know Spanish to understand. All of which Lance apologised for a few ticks later when he started crying. Despite the fact they were still moving forward with getting Lance detoxed, they'd gone backwards in other areas. Lance was tensing again over being touched. Loud noises made him flinch, while sleeping in the same bed was only accomplished with Kosmo between them. That's how he'd missed the start of Lance's seizure. With the lights dimmed in the medbay, Keith was holding Lance's hand. His love interest groggy from the seizure and the medication in his system, but had managed to make Keith's heart skip a beat when he'd smiled at him within ticks of opening his eyes. It was the most happiness he'd seen from Lance since dinner adventure with Annla nearly a six quintants ago. Massaging the back of Lance's hand, Lance barely moved as he tried to. Letting out an unhappy groan, Keith leaned up so he'd be able to hear what Lance wanted to ask. His lips were chewed badly, leaving scabby looking sores in the place of their softness. Withdrawal had been hell on Lance's body. He couldn't hold his good down, his gums had bled, his wrists needed to be bandaged so he didn't hurt himself in his sleep. Plus, Lance's healing seemed to only work when it felt like it. His cuts and scratches had healed, but the bleeding gums and cracked lips had stayed. Keith still found him beautiful. Rasping softly, Lance coughed. His throat probably dry from his nasally snoring, as he slurred "How... bad...?" "You didn't hurt anyone. You had a seizure in your sleep. Daehra did some scans. Your body started shutting down from the stress of going off both pills" From the amount of times Keith had seen Lance's bottom lip tremble in the past movement, as well as the rancid scent that came before the tears, it was no surprise when tears began to rolls down Lance's cheeks "You're going to be ok. Daehra's fixed up all your doses for you. She readded lower doses of that red pill for you" All Lance's "medication" now came in measured out injectable doses. Lance had lost his shit over his missing pills, leaving Keith not trusting him to turn the ship inside out in an effort to find something to take "I don't want to..." "I know you don't. You've made so much progress. This is just a little blip" "I messed up" Withdrawal was hard, Lance was fighting his best. He knew every time he asked for drugs he didn't mean it. Lance had chosen to take the steps all by himself in the begin, now all Keith could do was support him "No. Hey, you didn't mess up. I've never done this before, helping and not watching. I didn't notice your fever had risen so high again..." "Not your fault... sleepin'" "I should have noticed though" "No... not you... fault" Raising his hand, Lance flinched as Keith wiped away the drool at the side of his mouth "How..." "You were out for a few vargas. Had to get you stabilised, but your temperature's finally evened out. Daehra said you need to rest for the rest of the night" "All I've been doing" If that was all Lance could remember doing, it was for the best "I know, babe. I know you're sick of it. It shouldn't be that much longer before you start feeling better again" Snorting at him, Lance squeezed his hand weakly "Can't feel much worse" "Can I help? I had Daehra dim the lights because I know how sensitive your eyes are" "Jus' stay... I wanted to beat this for you... but I failed again" "You didn't fail, babe. You've never ever failed me" Maybe pushed him to his emotional breaking point, and shattered his heart with his terror, but never disappointed "Feel like I did" "Then you'd be wrong. I knew it was going to be hard, and was prepared for it. If you thing I love you any less for this, you're crazy" "K-Keith..." Hiccuping, Lance cringed as more tears rolled down his face "You're ok, babe. You're going to be ok. You just rest" "Don't wanna sleep... keep... seeing them..." From the way Lance had cried out both Allura and Klearo's names in his sleep, there was no point bothering pretending that there weren't who haunted Lance's dreams "What do you want?" "Can you just talk to me? Don't care 'bout what" Keith wasn't great at stories. He was also still half standing like an idiot, but from Lance's drooping eyelids it wouldn't be long until he fell back to sleep "Of course I can. Did I tell you about the time I fell in love with a stubborn idiot?" Lance gave him a drooly smile "He's wasted on you" "I don't think so. You see, he was loud and obnoxious. Always trying to pick fights with me. Then one day, he went and did something heroic and scared the shit out of us all. He went and saved Coran's life in a explosion" "Sounds like a dick" "The best bit was that he pulled off this amazing shot. Woke right up out of this coma to do it, then he went and passed out again like a total arsehole as I cradled him in my arms. That was the first time I saw him as something other than a cry baby" "He sounds like he is" "Nah. He's the bravest man I know. He might even be braver than Shiro, but don't tell Shiro I said that. There was this other time he invited me on this mission out to clear out sentries. He went total bad arse and blew the whole place up" "Wanker" "But he's a cute wanker. He's really scared too. He thinks I can't love him for all he's been through" "You don't know everything..." "I know plenty" "You don't... not... everything" Struggling to keep his eyes open, Lance looked at him sadly "Lance, I know that Allura changed your body. I know we all hurt you. I know I fucked up by not being a better friend. I know you're not comfortable in your body. But, babe. I've seen you naked. I've helped shower you, even though I know you don't like being touched. I've seen all your scars. None of it repulses me. I know if our positions were reversed, you would be right here where I am. You'd be telling me I'm not a worthless fuck up" "I can... stand it because it's you... I think it's always been you..." "I don't ever want to hurt you" "I hurt you... so much... you look so tired" "I'm fine. I'll rest in a little bit" Keith was beyond exhausted. The only time he slept was when Lance did, which hadn't been very often or more than a varga or so at a time "I don't know why you stayed... I'm wrong..." "You're not wrong" "I am... Klearo knew it..." Closing his eyes, Lance shook hard as his breathing grew uneven "Hey, you're ok. He's gone. He can't touch you" "He... oh, god... Keith... he got me pregnant... what kind of a freak am I? The Galra could smell it... called me a pregnant bitch... then... he... stomped on my stomach... I want my own body back... I... can't stop thinking about it... I... I'm so sorry" Trying to roll away from him, Lance cried harder when he found he couldn't move. Ignoring the fact that touch scared him so much that the fact Lance could hold his hand was some kind of miracle, Keith through caution to the wind as he lifted the covers to carefully slide in beside Lance. Gathering him up in his arms, Lance tried to fight him, but with Daehra's cocktail of drugs and exhaustion from his seizure, it amounted to less than having a fly land on his shoulder "What did she do to me? I don't get it... I don't know what she did..." "I know, babe. I don't know what she did either. But she cared about you. I can't believe she'd do this just to her you" "She never loved me... I loved her. I wanted to be enough for her... but I wasn't... and now I'm this" If Lance "had been enough", then they never would have been in this position. It was possible that Allura and Lance could have broken up. Or they could have married and had children. As much as Keith loathed how everything had played out, he was grateful to have Lance to himself "You're more than enough" Whimpering against him, Keith prayed that Lance wouldn't wet the bed. He'd finally found clothes in Lance's closet that fitted loosely enough that he could sleep in them, and chase around after Lance in them without having to worry about something digging in on some part of him "I got pregnant... how... how is that ok? It's wrong... this body is wrong" "You're not wrong. Ok. We're going to work this out. We'll figure out what Allura did. Even if it takes the whole rest of my life, I promise I'll get you answers" "I... t-told you I got pregnant... how can you... why aren't you disgusted?" "Because you're still you. No matter what you think. I don't really understand everything, but you're more than your body" Sucking in a breath, Lance let out a few coughs as he tried to calm. Giving him time, Lance finally got the words out "Thank you... I know they're words... but... I nearly believe them what you say it" "You should believe them. All of this. This belongs to you. No one is ever going to touch you like that again. Ever" "Th-thank you..." "You're welcome, babe. You're welcome" Squashing down the feelings of rage until Lance fell asleep, Keith directed all his hatred into glaring at the roof of the medbay. It wasn't enough they were on a power trip over the Red Lion. They had to take things even further for no reason at all. It wasn't the first time Keith had these thoughts or the last, and he hated the fact that Lance had to be nearly out of his mind to tell him something as deep as being pregnant, but what the fuck was he supposed to do now? They were in space with some unknown aliens chasing after Lance now he had that damn bounty on his head. There was also a meeting between Shiro and his mother that he wasn't looking forward too because he knew Lance would be demanding to return to the outpost. Then there was the fact that ships were still missing and they had no clear leads on that. They hadn't bought anything Hunk's engagement party. They hadn't been able to talk about how comfortable Lance was with them being a "them" in the eyes of the others. Lance was still stuck detoxing, even though it was into his second movement. And finally, every molecule of his being was longing for so much sleep that he was cursing his mind for racing and not allowing him to sleep now that he was in bed with Lance. He needed a break... he and Lance needed a goddamn holiday from their holiday... or whatever this in between things was. A trip to a nice private plant with a beach for Lance, and something Keith could stab would be great. Fuck it. Glaring wasn't working. He'd kill to have access to the castle's training room right about now. Stabbing things always made life better. * Fifteen quintants after Lance started detoxing was he finally up and shuffling around again on his own. They were now around a third of the way out to the Atlas, and Lance was sick of being in the Telula. He was embarrassed by his behaviour, and even more embarrassed over how he'd treated Keith. Waking before Keith wasn't too hard with how tired he looked as he slept, his unofficial boyfriend curled into Kosmo because touching was still likely to send Lance into a panic attack when he woke confused. Wanting to do something to make up for his atrocious behaviour, Lance had already washed their clothes, blankets, sheets and towels, as well as prepared a simple breakfast for Keith. When his nightmare had cut a few ticks short of Klearo killing Keith, he hadn't been in the mood to fall back to sleep. It was better that he was up and around, playing Leandro the best he could for his team. Sitting in bed with Kosmo's head in his lap, Keith curled around the wolf from his shoulders down, and with his holopad in hand, Lance was only finally catching up with the complete report of the damage and repairs to the Telula, as well as the news he'd missed while unfit to person. Annla's people wouldn't hear of compensation after he'd brought so much in aid, but the job had been massive so he'd sent word out to a rebel camp he'd met before and had them pick up some more supplies to deliver to the planet. All of it effortlessly paid for by an online transfer of GAC that included extra to compensate for their time and effort. Hearing Keith start to mumble in his sleep, Lance placed his holopad down on the bedside table. Pricking his ears up, Kosmo whined softly as Lance reached over him to shake Keith awake. The moment his hand touched Keith's shoulder, Keith shot up in bed with his mouth wide open, an arm extended as if to grab something. Fighting down his panic, Lance wished he didn't know what all of this meant. Letting his hand drop, Keith took a few ticks before he finally groaned, both hands moving to rub at his face, as Lance moved to rest his hand in his lap, a safe distance from a jumpy Keith "Keith?" "I'm alright. One hell of a nightmare" "I guessed. Want to talk about it?" "No, it's ok..." Interrupting his sentence with a yawn, Keith let himself flop down onto Kosmo "... sorry. I guess I'm still tired. How long have you been awake?" "A couple of vargas. Had a shower and did some washing" Nuzzling into Kosmo's fur, Keith smiled up at him "You look like you're feeling better" "Still kind of queasy, but I haven't thrown up or thrown anything today" "Mmmm, that's good. Why didn't you wake me?" "You looked like you needed the sleep... and the morning was a little shaky" "Nightmare?" "Klearo again" "I fucking hate him so much" Snorting, Lance appreciated Keith's support "He's dead now. Wanna try again and tell me yours?" "Nope, but now you told me yours I have to tell you mine. I was dreaming that when I came back with my mum, you weren't there anymore. I finally found you and you turned into a frog" Raising an eyebrow, Lance hoped Keith knew how much he was silently judging him. Huffing at him, Keith pouted "I didn't say it made sense" "A frog..." "Don't rub it in" "I mean, I look killer in green... but a frog. Couldn't you think of something cooler?" "No. Apparently not. It was fine until your did that flicky tongue thing and tried to eat my head" "Keith, I would never try to eat your head" "I don't know. You bit me before" He'd seen the marks on Keith's body as he slept. The blankets having slipped down to his waist, leaving his arms exposed. Feeling his eyes tearing up again, wiped them away quickly. The hallucinations might suck, but the tears were even worse. Everything made him cry. He'd cried that morning because Kosmo looked adorable in Keith's arms when he'd come back with breakfast. It was out of control "I'm sorry..." "It's alright. I'm healing, you know, part Galra and all that" "You were trying to help... and I bit you. Normal people don't bite people" "We agreed what happened as you detoxed would stay between us. I'm not mad at you. Now, are you really alright? No dizziness? Blurred vision? Fever?" "No... I'm cold, and a little dizzy if I move too fast. I feel better now I can move again" "Did you shower?" Hadn't Keith already asked that? "Yeah. My skin's still itchy as hell" "Do you want me to take a look?" "No. I put some cream on it... You can go back to sleep if you want" "I smell food" "I made you breakfast" Keith's eyes widened "You made me breakfast?" "I wanted to... I wanted to thank you. You know, for putting up with me. I don't remember everything, but what I do remember is bad enough" "It wasn't you. It was the drugs" Shame swelled in Lance's gut. Looking from Keith, the edge of the blanket suddenly became incredibly interesting "Lance, it was the drugs" "I heard you" "Then why didn't you say anything" "Because I choose to put them in my body... I chose that and you got left with the mess" "You were trying to cope" Letting out a sad snort, there was no way Keith could argue logic when it came to the fact he was still a junky "And I did that oh so well. I'm still fucking addicted to god knows what. I can't stop my other pills... I don't even know if I can stop. Even now, I want to find something and swallow it... the craving is still there" "Can I ask what it's like?" Taking a deep breath, Lance didn't want to answer but he needed to be honest with Keith about his addiction. He didn't trust himself not to relapse given he wasn't "It's like... like flying. The first time we flew our lions for fun. That rush. That feeling like you could do anything. You couldn't even concentrate because it felt so right. That exhilaration and that feeling that every single part of your body is alive... it's like that... but then you start getting used to it. You take more for the same high... it took my marks away. It took away Lance who was weak and worthless. It stopped me dreaming every single night of being tortured. I felt free. Like I could do anything..." Feeling self conscious over the way Keith was staring up at him, Lance resisted the urge to hide Keith's face with a pillow as his reply hung in the air. Keith would probably think he'd snapped again and was trying to kill him off "... so yeah... I was already addicted to the injections. The used them on me to keep me quiet and complacent. But my body started burning through the injections. They started giving me more and more until I could still think and move with it filling my system. It's weird. The effects last longer if I only shoot up once a day... that's why I still don't understand how I overdosed... the hospital said I had to go off it slowly or I'd die. They actually sent me home with some..." Rolling over, Keith nodded "It's highly addictive and changes your quintessence" "Basically my heart will stop and my organs will shut down if I try to stop cold turkey. There's something else about brain damage, but I think I might be slightly brain damaged from being tortured. Then again, I was always the stupid one" "I wish you'd stop saying that. You weren't the stupid one" "I still feel like I am. I don't know how I can face the others" "I'll be there. The team will be there" "Yeah... with their loony leader. Sorry. I'm being stupid" "You are. I'm not going to make you face everyone alone and it's not like I'm going to tell them your secrets. You being raped. That's for you to share with who you feel comfortable with" "I know you and Daehra have discussed it" Keith winced, Lance feeling bad for the underhand dig "I only discussed your medical history with her so we could figure out how best to help you without taking away your independence..." "I know. It still hurt. I didn't want people to know. I'm sick of fucking pity and being given a free pass. I'm sick of being crazy and scared, and everyone looking at me and knowing. And now I'm lashing out again" "Not everyone knows. The team know something, but I don't know what Daehra told them. She wouldn't have told them everything" "I know. Look. You can add paranoia to your list. I was anxious and paranoid before it happened, and now it's even worse... my head's already a mess over the fact I can't remember what happened. My sense of time is fucked. That's why I need routine. I need to do things at a certain time or I panic... it felt like they had me for years... then I come out and find it was three fucking movements" "I'm sorry" "See. That's why I don't want people to know. I don't want them to say sorry. If they cared, they'd have been there when it mattered. I'm sick of reaching out my hand and having it slapped away. I'm sick of it. And now I've done the same fucking thing to my team. Me and my drugs came first" Spiralling, Lance forced himself to climb off the bed. His mouth kept moving, hurting Keith despite his wish to treasure the man who'd been his light in the darkness "Lance?" "I... need to breathe" "I can..." "No. I need to be alone right now" "You don't have to leave" "I'm going to the bridge. I can't... keep talking about this right now" "Will you... alright. I'll come find you once I've had breakfast and a shower" Nodding at Keith, Lance let him sitting there with Kosmo as he began walking towards the bridge. Anger furling each step as he wanted to throw himself into the airlock and be swept out to space. He'd brought it up. He'd pushed the subject. Now he was the one running away like the attention whore he was. If only he'd taken Keith's ship and detoxed himself off on the middle of nowhere. Then Keith never would have had to suffer through his evolution into a bigger fuck up. Catching Allura at the edge of his vision, only increased his desire to jump out the airlock. He was a fucked up freak of nature and everyone was going to know it the moment they reached the Atlas. *

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

CSUAVS prt 24 start. Don't worry... the withdrawal will be glossed over as we progress... I mean, I could write like a phoeb worth on an every day scale, but I think scene setting is nicer

Hiding in the dining area of the Telula, Lance stirred at the bowl of porridge in front of him with little interest. If it wasn't for the fact that Keith would find him in heartbeat if he'd hidden in the control room, Lance would have been hiding there instead. As far as he knew Keith was still sleeping off that messed up wine from the previous night. A wine that hadn't at all agreed with his mind. He spent the night dreaming of Keith as he slept in his arms. He'd woken with a moan on his lips, not understanding why his dreams were cut short until he released his pants were plastered to his nether regions. He'd come. He'd come so hard he still felt the pulses through his groin from release. Whimpering softly, his eyes widened as he released Keith was hard. His erection rubbing against his arse as Keith rutted gently against him. Filled with blind panic and nausea, Lance had ran. Barely keeping down the remnants of his dinner as he did. He'd had a wet dream about Keith... he'd come with his mind full of Keith... but without his permission or control over his actions. Breaking down in the bathroom, he'd thrown up until nothing was left. Light headed from withdrawal, the bright light of the bathroom felt like glass being plunged into his eyes. Everything was too loud. The feeling of water against his skin felt like he was being flayed alive as curled up in the corner of the shower, fingernails scratching and clawing at the soft and sensitive insides of his wrists until they turned to deep wounds. Coming to his senses, Lance forced himself from the shower. Too disgusted with himself to pause and straighten himself out in front of the mirror, ashamed and scared of the weak man who'd be staring back at him. He was supposed to be past all of this. Stronger than all of this. It'd happened phoebs ago, his time in captivity barely a drop in the ocean of time. He'd fought so hard to move on. Move past this dirty waste of space he'd been. "Lance, what are you thinking?" The spoon fell from Lance's hand as his head shot up. Sitting across from him, Allura looked as she had at the moment she'd left him, still dressed in her Paladin suit. Pushing his chair back, Lance left his bowl behind "Lance, where are you going?" He couldn't go the bridge. He couldn't go back to Keith. He could barely walk in a straight line "You'd choose to go back to him? Instead of being with me" "You're not real, Allura. You died. You're in my head" Mumbling to himself, Lance kept his head down as he made his way through his ship. He needed something to keep Allura away, but the only place he was going to find that was in the bathroom, despite him not wanting to go back there and be left alone with himself "Oh, Lance. I never could get anything past you. Compared to Lotor you were so simple. So willing to please" "Shut up" "Did I hit nerve? Are you going to cry to Keith? Tell him that you're coo-coo for your dead ex?" The word "coo-coo" had no business coming out of Allura's lips "Shut up!" "Keith won't stay with you. No one wants to stay with you. I didn't want to stay with you, so I died to escape you. You always were the seventh wheel" He knew that Allura was giving voice to his inner fears, but with it coming from her in her voice... tears started to roll down his face "Shut up!" "Oh, big brave Leandro. Crying over a little sex. Don't think I didn't watch you come. I know you did. You screamed and screamed, but you still came. You always liked the attention" Reaching the bathroom, Lance tripped over his own feet in his haste to get to his pills. Opening the cabinet to find it empty, the noise that came out of his mouth could only be described as a howl, when realised the cabinet was completely empty "You can't even put things away properly. No wonder Keith found them. No wonder he took them away from you. You're nothing but an addict" Nearly climbing into the space completely, Lance frantically tried to find something. Some kind of pill. Some broken tablet. A loose vial... but there was nothing there. Keith had said he'd trust him. That he'd be in control of his medications. Keith had lied to him. He needed his pills. He needed them and Keith took them. He knew it. He'd been right all along. Keith had been using him. He'd been laughing at him. Allura was right. He was useless. He was stupid. He was dirty and disgusting. Why Keith stayed he didn't know. Why would he care!? Why would anyone care? He was wrong. He was supposed to be dead. No one wanted him alive. His own mother didn't call him anymore. No. She talked to Keith... and Hunk talked to Keith. Why did no one love him? As he wanted was to be good. Klearo had told him to be good... Why wasn't he good? * Feeling for Lance, Keith groaned at the cold and vacant spot where Lance should have been. Both slightly drunk on the wine from church, he and Lance had fallen into bed together in a tangle of limbs. Lance howling as Keith somehow wound up tickling him. Falling asleep had been easy. Lance giving him permission to spoon around him, mumbling words of thanks as Keith nosed at his neck softly kissing the exposed skin. He'd forgotten how much fun Lance could be when he was drunk, and lacking a filter between his mouth and his brain. Yawning as he forced himself out of bed, Kosmo got up to lick at his leg as he Keith stretched high. Taking a deep breath as he deflated, Keith leaned down to scratch between Kosmo's ears "Hey, boy. You been outside yet?" Whining at him, Keith took that as a no "Go on. I'm going to take a shower and find Lance. He really shouldn't be wandering around like this" It was hard to know what to say to Kosmo. His wolf understood the circumstances and why Keith was spending so much time with Lance, but Keith still felt like he was leaving Kosmo out of everything. Having had him by his side as a puppy, the longest they'd been separated had been a few movements thanks to missions, and each time that happened Kosmo had Krolia to shower him with attention. With Lance being "ill", he wasn't up for being pawed over for cuddles, or coping a random wet nose to the face in the middle of the night. Kosmo wanted love and attention from both of them, and didn't understand why he had to settle for gentle pats or sleeping by their bed when there was space for the three of them. Trying to find any kind of balance was impossible now that Lance was going through withdrawal... meaning Kosmo had to wait, and Keith wasn't comfortable with that "I'm sorry, boy. I haven't been a very good owner lately. I know it seems like I never have time for you, but I do. You're a doofus, but you mean a lot to me. Why don't you go explore around here some more? Maybe you can find some space chickens to chase?" Kosmo cocked his head, tail starting to wag faster "Yes. I'm giving you permission. Just don't attack anyone's pet..." Disappearing mid-sentence, it seemed all was forgiven with his wolf. Even if it weighed heavily on Keith. He probably should also check in with Shiro at least to warn him over Lance's anxieties... and that Lance's team was accompanying them. All of this could wait until after he'd showered and retrieved Lance from the bridge. The stubborn Cuban would more than likely be back up there trying to work everything out on his own while feeling like Quiznak. Hearing the shower running, Keith knocked lightly. When he got no reply, he let himself into the small space to check on Lance. Given they were the only two who used the bathroom, he'd intended to tease Lance over the previous night with the threats of tickles, or if Lance was throwing up, he wanted to be there to hold his hair back and reassure him. Option three of a bleeding Lance hadn't come to mind. Covering in the back corner of the shower, Lance was fully clothed. The bathroom mirror had been shattered beyond repair with pieces lying across the floor telling him no matter what he did, he should expect to get glass in his feet if he tried to get to Lance barefooted. Glancing around the space, he cursed himself over the fact both their towels were in their room. With the smell of blood in the air, he didn't have time to go back and get them. Stripping off his shirt, it offered a small sliver of protection as Keith moved to the shower. Turning the taps off, Lance didn't even notice. A large piece of mirror in his left hand seemed to be where most of the blood was coming from "Lance? Hey..." Reaching out, Lance was unresponsive. Letting Keith take the broken mirror from his hold. The tick it was gone, Lance seemed to come to, shrieking and kicking as he screamed for Allura to leave him alone. Lunging at him, Keith caught Lance with ease, using the momentum to hoist him onto his shoulder and carry him from the shower with him. Being off the shower floor only made Lance more violent. His fingernails scratching up Keith's back as Lance bit him. Hauling Lance back to their room, Keith finally stood him up when the door had closed. The first thing Lance tried to was take a swing at him, the look in his eyes akin to a feral beast. Catching him before he fell, Keith forced Lance back towards the bed "Let me out!" "Lance, it's ok..." "Let me the fuck out!" "Lance, alright. It's Keith" "Let me go! You can't keep me here like this!" Whatever world Lance was in, it wasn't the same one Keith was. He only had a very rudimentary knowledge of withdrawal, and seeing it was so much different to being the one trying to help someone through it "Lance! Hey, look at me. It's Keith!" "I don't fucking care! Let me out! I need my pills!" Pushing hard against him, Keith was glad for his Galra strength. For someone weakened, the strength of force against him was completely unexpected "Lance, hey. Calm down!" "You're killing me! You're trying to kill me! I need my pills!" One moment Lance was struggling, the next he'd burst into tears, was speaking Spanish, and collapsing against Keith. Taking a very long tick to tick over, his brain realised Lance had both wet himself and thrown up on him. If it wasn't for the fact the water he'd found Lance in had been cold, he wouldn't have noticed the warmth against front. Lance was only supposed to be four quintants in to this. Was all of this supposed to be happening so fast? If Lance was like this the whole time, he wouldn't be able to lead his team, nor would be able to leave his room. If Lance snapped and truly perceived anyone on the ship as a threat, they'd end up dead. He didn't know how much of Lance's busted mind was able to recall of the past. All it took was for Lance to see one of his team, not recognise them, and that would be it. Lance would never recover from hurting his team. He'd probably never recover from the shame of wetting himself against Keith, so that would have to be another secret for the half-Galran to keep.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

CSUAVS - Chapter one start

Daibazaal, the planet of purple and black that seemed designed to keep Keith constantly off guard and directionally misplaced. Living in what was once Zarkon's residence still refused to sit well with him, even a year and a half after the fall of Honerva and the return of the planet he now called home with his mixed up family. Woken from his first real nights sleep in a phoeb by Axca's persistent knocking, he held his temper as he dressed. They were all exhausted. His team at any rate. Running relief missions was fulfilling in its own ways, but since had started to spread through the known universe he'd felt himself pining for the glory days of Voltron. The thrill of the fight. The feel of his lion beneath his hands. The constant bickering of his adopted castle family. It was all gone now. They'd all started to go to their seperate ways yet despite swearing to be friends forever. It wasn't like they didn't regularly catch up, weekly phone calls were very much a thing, and when the Atlas was close enough, he'd take the time to swing by to catch up with Shiro and Curtis personally, as well as Hunk and Shay, sometimes Pidge if she happened to be on board too. Dressed casually, Keith whistled at Kosmo to follow, his hands jammed into the front pocket of his black jeans as he wandered through the busy halls, a step behind Axca the whole way. Working with Axca, Zethrid and Ezor was rewarding, yet it failed to thrill him the way Voltron did, then there was the whole crush thing Axca had been nursing for him, which he'd been blind too until she'd asked him out and he'd known in the moment she was absolutely not the one for him. No. He'd fucked things right up with the one person he'd liked back on Earth and learned his lesson from his mistake. He didn't need to love anyone outside the weird collection of friends he'd made over the past few years in space. Sighing to himself, Axca turned to smile at him "You would think they'd let us rest" "Yeah. But you know mum and Kolivan. If you're breathing, you can take a mission" His mother dating Kolivan was another reason not to come back home as often as he did. It wasn't that he had anything against Kolivan at all, he didn't know how to act when they were holding hands or leaning into each other. Kolivan was still the same hard taskmaster he'd always been, and his boss... who was now dating his mother, which lead to mental images he definitely didn't need. Following Axca into the control room, Kolivan and Krolia were waiting for him. Kolivan frowning deeply as he approached with Kosmo, earning him a nudge in the ribs from Krolia "Keith! I'm sorry to wake you, but we need you for a mission immediately" He'd already deduced as much. Following the pair over to one of the tables, his mother started pulling up files on its holotop "We have a missing operative. He was on his way to an arms deal when we lost contact with him. He's now over a movement late reporting in, and no sign of him has been seen at any of the rebel camps in the Ghazex quadrant" Reaching down, Keith manipulated the files with his finger tips. It seemed all above board, the sellers of the goods honestly not caring where their clientele came from provided they paid up front and collected the goods from the designated coordinates "You want me to head out there and check for signs of life?" "We've been in contact with rebel forces and they found nothing. The weapons themselves aren't so important as the intel that could be gained through interrogations. There've been a number of odd occurrences in the sector space, that's why the meet was arrange there. Guile felt sure there was a link there between these occurrences and the gun runners" Guile barely looked older than Shiro, despite being four times his age. Nodding, Keith transferred the files to his wrist communicator "I'll leave immediately" Looking up from the table, his mother and Kolivan shared a long look at each other as they silently communicated, Kolivan giving a small nod of his head, granting his mother permission to continue "Keith. We're sending you alone on this one. You'll need to stay below the radar. If it proves to be nothing, then take your time coming back. You're supposed to be on standby as it" "I'm fine. You worry too much" "I'm your mother, it's my job" He was already 23, practically 24, he didn't need his mother's constant worry. He ran his own team, had fought in countless scuffles before their lions had left, and afterwards. He really didn't need his hand held. Quiznak, he'd even been nominated to rule the whole damn planet... Crossing his arms, he frowned at his parental figures "I'll be fine" "Why don't you give Shiro a call once you've checked things out? It's been a while since you saw any of the others" "Mum. If there's something you're trying to say, say it already" "I'm not trying to say anything. It's simply been a while since you spent some quality time with them" "I talk to them every weekend by video call. They're all fine" "But when is the last time you saw them?" "A few weeks ago? Before the last mission?" "You've only seen them once since Allura's memorial. Curtis is driving Shiro crazy" Keith raised and eyebrow. That couldn't be right. He distinctly remembered dinner with Hunk and Shay, with Curtis and Shiro casting enough sideways glances at each other to make Hunk blush in second hand shame. After the death of Adam, Keith knew his adoptive brother was capable of moving on, despite how deep the wound ran. It'd only been a matter of weeks between Adam's death and their return. As Adam's brother, Curtis understood Shiro's pain in a way Keith couldn't. Curtis had been there for Adam, he'd been there as Adam had fallen apart over their broken engagement, Shiro's disappearance, the reappearance of Sam Holt... and somehow along the way they'd bonded deeply yet both were hesitant to take the next step so as to not tarnish Adam's memory. Keith personally thought Adam was a dick for breaking off the engagement when all Shiro wanted was one last trip to space. They'd both hidden from him how much Shiro had suffered with his condition, Keith not noticing the subtle small ways Adam would check how Shiro was fairing with just a touch or a look. Now Curtis was the one to cast Shiro those subtle looks, his people skills having sharpened drastically since he'd first left Earth. That's what happened when you had a loud mouth like Lance for a best friend and right hand man. Out of all of them, Lance was the one who'd constantly surprised him, such as his choice to say goodbye to space in order to be a farmer "How do you know about Curtis and Shiro?" "Because unlike you, I've spoken with him. Take some time off after this mission and go see him. It'll be good for both of them, and for you" "I was going to take some time off now that we've returned" "Excellent. Look into the disappearance then take your break" Right. The mission. His thoughts definitely shouldn't be shifting towards Hunk's fine dining skills which left everything he'd eaten since lacking. There was a whole planet out there, yet food goo still seemed to make up the basis of most long term supplies for the Blades "Keith?" Huffing at his mother, Krolia continued to stare at him "I'm going already. I'll call you when I find a lead" Axca fell in behind him as Keith left to pack "I could come with you, if you need an extra set of hands" "You heard Krolia. I need to stay below radar" "You have a habit of getting into trouble when left alone" You fly the ship in the wrong direction once and they never let you forget it "I'll be fine Axca. Take your time to relax. We've been working nonstop this last phoeb. Maybe you could take some time to check in with Veronica?" "She's busy" Keith could hear the pout in her voice. Axca had formed a firm friendship with Veronica during their time on Earth. Despite having confessed her feelings for him, Keith was sure that Axca was harbouring a crush on his so called rival's elder sister. With Zethrid and Ezor in a long term relationship, he wasn't sure what was stopping Axca from seeking out the same happiness "Then call her again" "I have. Twice. I don't think she's accepting my calls" "Have you tried since we returned?" "No" "There we go then. Kosmo, take us to my room" Grabbing a fistful of his wolf's fur, the jump across the palace was instant, saving him from dishing out more bad relationship advice. He'd had plenty of stupid crushes that had never amounted to anything more than a momentary fixation that served to confuse him even more. The highlight of his nonexistent dating life had been receiving the sex talk from Shiro who'd been just as red as Keith was by the end of it. Unfortunately, he'd had to suffer through the same talk with his mother... with Kolivan present. A two phoeb relief mission hadn't eased his embarrassment over the whole thing, as he'd found himself unable to meet Kolivan's eyes for longer than he'd cared to admit. Grabbing out his go bag, he packed light. Most of his things were already aboard his private ship on the off chance he'd be randomly evicted like he was currently being. His ship was nothing like Black. There was no magical mental bond to keep him distracted or reassure him when things went wrong, but it had been a gift from his mother so held some sentimental value "Ok, boy. Let's go before I give into the urge to crawl back into bed. Can you believe they're sending me out again so soon?" Yipping and teleporting across his room, Kosmo had far too much energy. Or maybe he was getting too old for all of this shit. His bed was a crumbled, yet inviting mess, that almost begged for him to crawl back beneath the covers for at least another 6 to 12 vargas of sleep. Catching hold of Kosmo as he teleported again, his wolf teleported him straight into the cockpit of his ship "Good boy. Let's get this show on the road" * With 9 vargas between him and his destination, Keith took his mother's advice. Pulling up his com's list, he thumbed through his contacts where he accidentally hit Lance's name. Each time he'd talked to his friend had been hard. Keith unable to forgive Allura for hurting Lance like she did, despite understanding her sacrifice had been necessary. Her death had shook Lance to his very core, and had left him shaken for months after the fact. Being Lance he'd cried, cracked jokes, then announced he was staying on Earth. His best friend's parents relieved to see their son not leaving again, and the term Voltron was spoken in hushed tones right up until the day they'd left him behind. Lance hadn't even come to see them off. "Yo! Leandro, turn that thing off" Catching sight of bright neon lights, what looked like some kind of club, then an awkward downward angle of two sets of legs, Keith rushed to apologise for the misdial, only Lance cut him off first "Hey. Sorry man. Now isn't good. Talk later" With that the call was dropped. Keith frowning down at his communicator as his brain kicked into gear. That was definitely Lance's voice... but who the fuck was "Leandro"? And that city... it didn't look like it was on Earth, though it had been some time since last visited. Earth was recovering and rebuilding, it didn't make sense to concentrate all their resources on the planet when other smaller planets were in greater need. Besides, Pidge was there, her family having taken over training and building the next generation of space fighter jets. If they needed the help, they could always recall the Atlas. Shaking off the weird call, he was extra careful not to click Lance's name as he scrolled back through his contacts, first thinking of calling Shiro, then remembering he'd probably wish to talk about Curtis and that he'd be no real help there, scrolling back up, he tapped Hunk's name as he pulled the call up onto the ship's screen. It was only a few short tick's before the former Yellow Paladin's face filled his screen "Keith! Hey man, is it that time already?" That time being their preorganised once a movement call "No. I was going to call Shiro, but Krolia filled me in on the Curtis situation" Sighing deeply, Hunk nodded "It's driving all of us mad. Anyway. What's up?" Hunk was clearly in the kitchen, Keith could hear the soft sounds of a blade against a chopping board. His communicator must have been placed on a shelf or something so he could take the call "If you're busy, I can call back?" "No! No, man. It feels like its been ages" "You know what it's like, one mission after the next. Axca's been trying to contact Veronica, but she hasn't been taking her calls" "Things have been crazy here. That and she's been dodging calls from home" "That sounds like something Lance would do" Hunk nodded "That's exactly what he's been doing. His mother wants her to go check in with him in person, but Veronica insists Lance is doing what he needs to do" What now?" "I thought he was on Earth?" "No? Didn't he tell you? He took a job on Erathus not long after Allura's memorial. Being his best friend, I thought he would have told you" No. Lance hadn't said anything... that was what... at least 5 phoebs in space and he'd said nothing. Forcing a smile the best he could, Keith nodded back at Hunk "It slipped my mind. Have you heard from him?" "No. He took a job working security, and apparently he's been having a blast. He can't call all the time, but I know he keeps in contact with Veronica" "You're not worried?" Looking into the camera, Hunk gestured with his knife "We both know how messed up he was after Allura. I feared he'd given up his dream of space completely. If he's enjoying his new line of work, then good for him" Messed up... was one way to put it "Yeah. Anyway, I'm going to sign off, you know a Blade's work is never done. Krolia's insisting I take a vacation after this mission, so we might be catching up sooner than you think" "Please come talk some sense into Shiro over this Curtis thing" Snorting, Keith shook his head "I am the last person who should be giving relationship advice to anyone" "Don't sell yourself short, man. You're the number one bachelor in the universe" "Now you sound like Lance" "What can I say, he rubs off on you. Take care of yourself, and I'll let Shiro know you called" "Thanks, Hunk. You too" Signing off, Keith slumped back in his pilot's chair. Lance was in space and he seemed to be the only one who had no idea. Did Pidge know? Probably. Leaving Earth required notifying the Garrison. If Pidge and Hunk knew, then Shiro would have to. Did Axca know? If she didn't before, she would now. And why was Lance on Erathus? Erathus was the playground for the rich. Kind of like the Hollywood of old reborn with the boom in interest when it came to all things Earth related. Earth wasn't exactly the closest of planets, so a barren planet had been cultivated then gifted the Erathus in reference to their Earth. None of this should be bothering him as much as it was. Lance had made it clear where they stood. Attempting to make his best friend feel better after the loss of his girlfriend, they'd gotten wasted on Nunvil and fallen into bed together. It was sloppy, they hadn't even had sex, just some awkward alcohol driven mutual masturbation as they made out then passed out drunk without cleaning up. The following morning Lance was gone. Keith know that for Lance it was an ugly mistake that never should have happened, his own heart felt as if it'd broken when Lance acted like nothing had happened, then admitted that the whole night was a blank when Shiro had teased them over drinking. So rejected by his crush, Keith had pushed his pain down to be there for Lance, only for Lance to decide he wasn't coming back to space. Coran had coaxed him as far as Altea by requesting his help in erecting Allura's monument, and speaking of her to the people of Altea, but if it wasn't Allura related it seemed to mean nothing to the Cuban now. Whining softly at him, Kosmo nosed at him with his wet nose "I know. I'm being pathetic. He already rejected me, yet here I am thinking of him all over again. Come on, let's get some sleep?"