#someone write this full parody I'm too lazy too

[airlocksandaviaries]

*to the tune of She’s Always a Woman by Billy Joel* He’s Wet and a Freak but he’s always a Blorbo to meeeeeee

[ahungeringknife]

365: April 25

Shin and Savant's friendship is so excellent I'm so glad they're friends even if Shin would rather eat glass than admit it aloud where Savant could hear

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Shin had his eyes closed while he sat in his cockpit. He wasn't sleeping he just had nothing better to do between Gambit games sometimes. His Ghost was playing some music in the back of the ship, entertaining itself more than anything. He was going over the last game in his mind, bickering with that stupid ass EXO Savant, and Wolf yelling at them both to shut up and shoot the Invader. The music got louder and he opened one eye to see his Ghost float over. "What?" he asked.

His Ghost said nothing, just popped open. "Shin!" Savant's cheerful voice came out of his Ghost.

"I have told you not to call me," Shin said aggravated.

He was completely ignored. "Did you know you have a fanclub?"

Shin rolled his eyes. As if this was a topic of conversation. Also yes he was very aware of both his creepy Crucible fanclub full of Guardians and his creepy in a different way fanclub of Lightless. "If you're just now realizing I have-

"No no! I mean like... Skinner has a fanclub."

Shin blinked at his Ghost who looked at him with the same expression he was giving his Ghost: what the fuck? Skinner wasn't even a real person. A lazy alias to play Gambit to keep an eye on Drifter. Shin was also one of the only paper Dredgens who's name was also their Dredgen title. How the fuck did his fake bullshit keep attracting fans? He wasn't even nice! He still didn't know how he'd accumulated followers as Dredgen Vale sometimes. Shin was not a super charismatic person and Vale was just him pretending to be like Jaren to the point of parody. Skinner was even less likable. On purpose!

"What?" he asked, incredulous, almost insulted that somehow Skinner had a fanclub. That somehow Shin had accumulated a fanclub for another alias.

"Yeah!"

"And you're telling me this why? Also why the fuck do you know this?"

"Dredgen Hunter has a fan club too," Savant prattled on. "Which I thought was really cool so I engage with them. Lightless are kinda crazy but they're all pretty excited I interact with them. Also since I've been playing with you and Wolf there's been some overlap with Wolf's crazy ass fanclub." Yeah, Shin had seen that only on the periphery of his engagements on Crucible apps or some newsletters he was subscribed to. But every time they brushed up against his sphere of giving a shit he was a little terrified of how absolutely wild the Young Wolf's main fanclub was. "They ask me about her all the time and I just play dumb about a lot. Not hard. But most of it really isn't any of my business," Savant was still talking. "There's only been some overlap recently and when I saw what was happening I laughed so hard I nearly reset myself."

"Considering how stupid you are that doesn't shock me," Shin growled.

Savant never took Shin's heat to heart. Which annoyed him honestly. Shin had absolutely made lesser men shrivel up with a well placed biting word. It just pinged off Savant. "And I had to share," and suddenly Shin's pockit started vibrating like crazy. He fished it out of the pouch he kept it in and opened it up. He'd just gotten eight private messages from a fireteam member.

"What the fuck did you send me?"

"Just look!"

Grumbling Shin opened the link in the first message. He was aware of Lightless writing fictional prose about their favorite Guardians. Hell almost every biography published about him was fictional. But there was stuff on the net too, unpublished. And he did his best not to interact with it. He'd been friends? Acquaintances? Crucible partners? With someone who got invested in their own fanclub's bullshit. It'd been so fucking weird and completely ruined their relationship. Also like three quarters of it was fans writing weird relationship stuff that just... baffled him.

This message was to a site he'd never been to but recognized it for what it was. A hub for collecting fan written stories about their favorite Guardians, specifically Gambit players by all the green and snake icons. Shin was regretting even looking as he scanned the meta tags about the story in question.

"I'm going to fucking. Kill you," Shin snapped at Savant through his Ghost. On the other end Savant howled with laughter. "Don't show me this fucking garbage!" Savant just kept laughing. This particular story was about a sexual (or romantic, he didn't read that far) relationship between Dredgen Hunter and Dredgen Skinner.

"Isn't it fucking amazing?" Savant asked around his laughter.

"No!"

"It's so stupid I had to share! And there's more," Savant giggled foolishly, his voice box hiccuping in a way that would be endearing if Shin wasn't fucking furious.

"Don't fucking tell me that," Shin growled. "You fucking piss me off."

"Not according to your fangirls," Savant teased him.

"Are you on your ship or the Derelict?"

"Derelict," Savant said smugly. Shin growled wordlessly. Savant knew Shin wouldn't transmat directly onto the Derelict to beat his ass like he would if he was on ship.

"You are letting me invade the rest of the day for assaulting my eyes with this bullshit," Shin growled.

"Okay okay okay," Savant said snickering. His pockit vibrated a few times. "Those aren't about us," he told Shin.

"I don't want any of these!" Shin all but shouted.

"They're about Skinner and Wolf," Savant said coyly.

"Who they're about doesn't matter. Fuck you. Ghost, end the call," he snapped, done with this bullshit. His Ghost closed to the sound of Savant's giggling.

"Huh," his Ghost said.

"Fucking hate that guy," Shin growled and slouched in his chair, arms folded.

"Want me to disconnect from the fireteam?"

"No," he still wanted to play with Wolf and if he did he'd have to suffer playing with Savant too.

"He is very annoying," his Ghost agreed with him. Just about the only thing he and his Ghost did agree on. He floated away and once more started playing music to entertain himself in the ship cabin.

Shin sat there for a few minutes before pulling his pockit out again and going to Savant's messages. He ignored the original messages but... fuck who was he kidding? He was super interested in seeing what the Wolf Skinner ones were like. He might have been in denial but he wasn't a fucking fool either. Making sure his Ghost wasn't paying attention to him he opened one of the DredgenWolf/DredgenSkinner links. It was pretty self indulgent but fuck it he could be a bit self indulgent now and then. Right?