#someone stage an intervention for those two

[moonchild1]

park jimin fic rec list (Ⅲ)

woah it really has been a long time since i posted but i am so glad to be back and to get back into reading i saw so many of my favourite authors have updated and i am beyond excited to start this journey again but in the mean time here's jimin rec list as promised it was so exciting finishing this list cause i got so nostalgic making it and reading all the old fics i had on my reading list ughhh i just loved it so much and it got me back into the swing of things and i cant wait to make more lists, i do have another jjk list ready and i will post it the day after tomorrow so i hope you enjoy this one and don't forget to show all the love and support in the world to these amazing authors they work so hard to create these fics for us and they deserve endless praise and love for the commitment and generosity they have so please do leave them a comment, heart or reblog a small comment can go a long way here and can make someone smile even bigger so dont don't shy away from making someone happy... as usual you guys know this fics i recommend contain smut so minors don't interact you will be blocked... i really do love hearing from you guys so if you do have a little fic you are super into right now and you just want to rant about how amazing it is feel free to send me an ask 😊🖤

a- angst s- smut f- fluff

series

plot twist by @xpeachesncream f s a

↳ jimin isn’t interested in fake dating, but he’s definitely interested in getting to know someone the right way. after all, he feels like he’s ready to put himself out there and give it all he’s got. so, he takes a risk in trying something completely out of his comfort zone and hops on the new, popular dating app - only to come across and get to know someone he didn’t expect to meet.

a remedy for mondays by @dovechim s

↳ all you wanted was just one day off work. but for that to happen, you need to invent a plausible reason. and then somehow, somewhere along the way, things get out of hand, and now people think you’re having a baby with your co-worker Park Jimin after a one-night stand. confused? join the club.

it’s okay, that’s love by @/dovechim f s a deals with deep subjects

↳ People are constantly making some kind of connection with each other- be it friendship or romance. But human bonds always lead to messy complications; commitment, sharing, driving people to the airport, letting them get up close and personal with the darkest parts of ourselves. And sure- it’s scary as hell to watch them cross those boundaries you’ve so meticulously drawn, but it’s okay, because that’s love.

so it goes by @/dovechim f s

↳ Park Jimin knows a lot about humans. of course he does, he studies them for a living. he knows that they say hello by holding hands, and when they say goodbye, they put their arms around each other. but this particular human, he notes, is unlike the rest- stuck in a slump, going about your day praying for the Universe to stage an intervention in the form of an alien abduction. when he decides to finally fulfil your wishes, he finds that you have a little something to teach him about what it means to live life on Earth the way you do: ugly crying, underwear and all. in return, he shows you the possibilities that abound if you simply adopted their mantra: everything is beautiful, and nothing hurts.

love again by @taestefully-in-luv f s a

↳ A friend of yours is eager to introduce you to her new man but what happens when Park Jimin, the man who broke your heart 5 years ago walks in through the door?

the other woman: the seduction and the illusion by @namjooningelsewhere f s a

↳ No one told you being the other woman would never be easy, No one told you that his love would be two sides to a same coin. No one told you he came to you because you were his escape to his demons. No one told you he would always call you his, but he would never be yours. And most importantly no one told you, He never loved you because you dont destroy the people you love.

FUTURE HEARTS by @jungblue f s a ft. jjk

↳ It was everything, from his tattoos, to his touches, to the way sweat rolled down his neck as he strummed into his guitar on stage; everything about him completely enthralled you. So why are you now, two and a half years later, on a train to Seoul, telling a complete stranger the recollection of how you became fated to forever have scars on all of your future hearts due to the happiness, but most of all the pain, that came along with falling in love with Jeon Jungkook. 

after the applause by @foxymoxynoona

↳ Jimin doesn't know how he would have made it this far after the shattering of his world without the support of his thoughtful, generous, helpful neighbor. Hanbyul has lived next to hottie Jimin and his adorable daughter for years now, long enough to remember the wife he was so devoted to and lost far too young. With each safely ensconced on their side of the brick wall of the Parks' grief, it will take an enterprising little scientist to set the stage for a second chance at love.

saved by @to-star-lake s a

rockstar au deep subjects read warnings

midnight memories by @hobipaint f s a

↳ there's drunk habits, and then there's drunk mistakes. What do you call meeting your friend - no, ‘former friend’ - at a bar, getting drunk with him and sleeping- 'accidentally' - with him? especially when everyone already knows that you stay away from him as much as the day does from night?

Easy. You forget about it.

heartbreak chronicles by @sugaxjpg s

↳ Park Jimin had it all — good grades, a place as the soccer team’s captain and, more than that, the broken hearts of at least half the campus’ population. Though, one thing he did not have was someone willing to break his heart and, after you were dragged inside a miraculous plan to play that part, the last thing counted on was the preposterous idea that, perhaps, you could fall for him as well. 

drifting by@hongcherry f a

↳ After being assigned different partners for your midterm routine, your and Jimin’s relationship starts to deteriorate when you both begin spending more time away from each other and with your assigned partners instead.

growing pains by @taleasnewastime f s a

↳ Growing up the daughter of the boss of a gang is never easy, but normally the problems are around being given too many responsibilities, or the risk of being connected to a gang leader, or wanting to escape but not being able to. But you’ve got a different problem, you want more responsibility, want to be like your brother who’s been named heir, want a role in the family gang. Your whole life you’ve been denied what you want, being born a female seemingly your main issue; perceived as weak, naïve, trying to step above your station. But as unsupportive and dismissive as your family is, there is always the bright light that is Jimin; the boy you love but can never have.

tuqburni by @solastia f s a ft.myg

↳ You’ve spent two years building a life with Yoongi who you loved more than anything in the world. Now, his ex-boyfriend Jimin is back in the picture, and Yoongi begs you not to make him choose between the two of you, offering the choice of a polyamorous relationship. Though your heart is shattered, you agree.

stardust by @venusjeon f a

↳ struck by your beauty, Jimin begs to paint you naked behind the world's back so as not to stain your influential family—his patrons—with scandal.

drift by @snackhobi f s

↳ You used to think that there was nothing better than the sensation of coming first place. However, your rival- the talented, gorgeous, dangerous Park Jimin- is more than happy to prove you wrong.

the deli diaries by @jimlingss f

↳ Working at a grocery store deli is absolutely unbearable (and you’re also perfectly aware of how dramatic you are). But it seems like something, or rather, someone might make the job a bit more manageable.

best of me by @xotoosweet f a

↳ when he tells the story of how he met you in a few years, he'll claim that it was meant to be. you'll laugh and call it a coincidence. it was a coincidence that on the first day of summer semester, he decided to go on a run (though he claimed he always ran in the mornings). it was a coincidence that he chose a less traveled path in the university arboretum that morning. and it was definitely a coincidence that you were there, sitting on the rail of the river bridge.

the ten days of ex-mas by @kpopfanfictrash f s a

↳ Three months following the worst break-up of your life, you finally feel ready to start moving on. The world, it seems, has other ideas when you pick up the phone and find your ex-boyfriend calling.

strip by @yoonia f s a

↳ Summary | Everything you have done has always been about surviving life and raising your child on your own. Having someone else caring about you was the last thing you had expected. Especially when that someone is the same man you have watched performing every night on stage and secretly admired. But will he run the moment he finds out about your little secret waiting at home?

falling by @/yoonia s a

↳ For Park Jimin, you are everything he will ever need—his assistant, his housekeeper, his task runner, his fairy godmother. For you, he is more than everything. You have dedicated your life for him and, before you even realised it, your heart belongs to him alone. The only problem is that he is never yours, and you are living in a world that your love for him is nothing more than a fairytale ending. As you are suddenly given a chance to wake up and face the real world, will you be ready to embrace it? Will he be ready to deal with the world without you in it?

wrapped around by @jjkfire ft. kth f s a

↳ Freshman year was a mess and sophomore year doesn’t seem to be looking too good either. You know boys like them are no good for you but maybe they’re just your kind of type

baby, baby by @hobiwonder f s a

��� When you’ve run out of savings to continue on to the last semester of your Bachelors - you take an unorthodox route. Helping a desperate couple have a child and getting paid for it? Heck yeah. But what do you know - it wasn’t as easy as it sounds.

love at first touch by bagelswrites (ao3)

↳ The first time you meet your soulmate, it leaves a bruise on both of you at the point of contact. From then on, your body begins rejecting any sustenance other than the touch of your soulmate. The trick is, the bruises take a few hours to appear, so you have to figure out who you've touched and find them before you starve to death. But once you do, all you ever need is them. So what happens if you're an idol and you meet your soulmate at a fan event?

our little family by @nightbts f a

↳ you were living a simple life filled with simple dreams; combining your two most loved things in life, children and teaching, you were starting out your career as a teacher at the local pre-school. but little did you know, how one child and her very special father, would change your simple life into something extraordinary

one-shot 35

brand new eyes by @missgeniality s

↳ Jimin’s eyes had potential to ruin you, and tonight you test the damage.

waves by @shina913 s

↳ It's Valentine's Day and your boyfriend decides to spice things up with a little surprise for you.

failure to communicate by @gukslut s

↳ Enemies to Lovers/ College AU

physical by @ppersonna f s

↳ you cant seem to escape the sexy fitness instructor that seemingly is everywhere you turn. it’s enough to make you irrational.

good for you by @candlewaxandp0lar0ids s

↳ Jimin can’t help the way he drowns himself in you. Why should he anyway?

ho-ho-home by @jjungkookislife s a

↳ Golden neighbor extraordinaire, Park Jimin, is (unintentionally) stealing your spotlight this holiday season. Despite your one sided rivalry with him, all Jimin wants is for you to remember him, to remember your past and hopefully create a future with you.

100km/hour by @chateautae s

↳ what exactly happens when you and your friends have to pile into one car for the ride home after an insane halloween party, and you find yourself sitting in park jimin’s lap? especially when he’s dressed as an angel, and you’re in the sluttiest devil costume ever?

what it's like by @jimilter s

↳ You’ve always heard great tales about how good the infamous fuckboy on campus, Park Jimin, is in bed, and wondered if there could be any truth behind these claims when the guy looks like an angel with his cheruby cheeks and precious smiles. So when a new gossip starts to circulate about how ‘hard he hits’, you have had enough of the suspense and decide to finally sample him yourself.

feel your touch by @/jimilter f s a

↳ You have always known yourself to be a sexual switch in bed, flipping between exercising and submitting control according to different situations and partners. And this camboy you are addicted to, one that seems to kinda reciprocate your interest, submits so beautifully that you just want to command him. But when things progress to levels you never anticipated, you end up discovering pleasant surprises that might just change your life.

the prince’s cinderella syndrome by @/jimilter f s a ft jjk

↳ He shows up at Halloween, every year, dressed the same, and leaves at midnight like some Cinderella. You would think he was a prankster if his eyes didn't look like they contained all the sadness in the world. You don't know him - no one on campus does. You don't know why he appears only once a year. You don't know why he never smiles. But you can't help falling in love with him. Even if he breaks your heart when he abandons you at midnight, again.

scream your panties by @opaljm s a

↳ As your midterms have ended and Halloween has arrived, you are looking forward to a pleasant time relaxing and enjoying the festivities at your sorority and Jimin’s frat houses. Luck is not in your favor, though, because things keep going wrong like a trail of dominoes falling – the only upside to your slowly deteriorating day being that you get to end it with your boyfriend’s delicious self between your legs.

first snow, last kiss by @taeshobipop f s a

↳ He broke your heart four years ago; the old loving memories of your time together now tainted by pure betrayal. Yet in the haze of new snow, after returning home for the first time, the moments you had once convinced yourself were nothing but a lie, reveal themselves to be otherwise.

antifreeze by @winetae s

↳ Jimin participates in the school’s adaption of The Nutcracker for extra credit but doesn’t expect his new dance partner to a) be this bad at dancing and b) be this fucking cute

what she likes by @untaemedqueen f s

idol au husband au marriage au

only you by @personasintro f s a

↳  you’ve been always there for your best friend, even when he became a single dad 

sucker by @/personasintro s a

↳ You wish you'd pay more attention to Jimin. Like, how his eyes kept changing color. How cold his skin was, too unrealistically to be natural. Or one second, he flashed you with his sharp canines and the next one he didn't have any. How much he craved for you, but not the way you thought he was.

please, lie to me by @ressjeon s a

↳ "centuries of loyalty vs. only months of fucking, how could you miscalculate?"

summer synchrony by @seokkgenie f s a

↳ childhood friends to lovers

neon seoul @readyplayerhobi f s a

↳ It the city of New Seoul, another homicide isn’t newsworthy but instead just a statistic. But when the son of the mayor is murdered in an alley in a shady part of the city? Then it’s important. You and your partner, Detective Park Jimin, are given the honour of investigating the crime. Will you find out who killed him? Or will you fail?

serendipity by @btsracket s a ao3

↳ It's serendipitous. Jimin braces for darkness but finds his light instead.

the boyfriend concept by @/kpopfanfictrash s

↳ Win a Date with a Porn Star! You saw the sign when you walked in, of course, but you had no idea your friend dropped your name into the raffle. Fast-forward to later that day, when you actually win. You are horrified, of course, with no intention of accepting and setting yourself up for embarrassment. But then you meet Jimin, and decide this might be worth a shot.

Lovely Demons by @/kpopfanfictrash s a

↳ As penance for a crime committed long, long ago, the Witch Council banished you to the feared Tholoss forest. Your sentence was one hundred thousand days of solitude – or death, whichever came first. Your only hope of salvation comes from the demon names routinely sent your way; creatures who escape the inner circles of Hell and pose a threat to the mortal realms. For each demon you kill, days are removed from your sentence. For years you’ve existed, biding your time, until one morning you receive a name which throws your entire world into chaos: the name of Park Jimin, High Prince of Hell himself.

blue blood by @joonbird s a

↳ “Prince Jimin was born with blue blood. His coronation is rapidly approaching, but there are two requirements he must fulfil before becoming a king. He must have the skills to fight in battle, and he must have a Queen with blood as blue as his. You, a member of the royal guard, are assigned to teach Jimin the ins and outs of combat. You are not scared of death, of blood, or of battle. What you are scared of however, is falling in love with Jimin, the one man your blood decrees you can never have.”

i want to be with you by @oddinary4bts f s a

↳ moving to Seoul has always seemed like a good idea, until the bubble bursts when you realize your new neighbor is Park Jimin, and he's not the sweet angel you've always imagined him to be. Will the reality of Park Jimin forever be a nightmare, or will he turn into a sweet dream?

locked in love by @parkmuse f s a

↳ Getting locked in the mall on Christmas eve isn’t ideal, but getting locked in the mall with your brothers best friend that you haven’t seen in a while? Well, it might have been alright if you didn’t have feelings for him.

peaches and cream by @snackhobi s

↳ you wouldn’t mind your cute neighbour being such a shameless fuckboy if a) the walls weren’t so thin and b) he didn’t seem intent on adding you as another notch in his bedpost. 

reset by @/dovechim s

↳ We are made of the pieces of what we remember, and we hold in ourselves the hopes and fears of those who love us. As long as there are memories to call our own, there can be no true loss. But Park Jimin has no such privilege. 

the dark side of the moon by @/dovechim s

↳ falling in love at first sight is cliche, not until it happens to you on a dark night in a lonely alley. but you’re only human, while Park Jimin is Alpha of his pack; it could never work out. so you resort to pining for him like a wolf howling at the moon, but when Jimin goes feral, that’s when everything changes. 

Unconditionally by @kstopping s a

↳ Jimin constantly torments you. But you love it.

Instinct by @evangelene f a

↳ A lost child appears into your life only to bring you closer Jimin–a man that you’d thought you’d hated once upon a time. Now all you want is to be there for the child, and maybe his father–but only if his mother gets the hell out of the way.

eternal sunlight by @kidguk f s a

↳ “college and soulmate au where the first words your soulmate will say to you are tattooed on your wrist. jimin thinks he met his soulmate exactly four months after he met and fell in love with you. you can’t explain your attraction or your feelings toward him, even though technically you’re meant to be with other people. taehyung and jungkook helpfully suggest that the universe might be glitching.”

foul play by @kimvtae f s a

↳ Everyone loves a good rivalry, and the students at your university are no exception. Unluckily for you, the rivalry of the decade is between yourself and a furiously irritating Park Jimin. A top gymnast and a basketball star shouldn’t cross paths, but Jimin makes his way into your heart before you can put a stop to it.

lost and found by @/kimvtae s a

↳ The only thing bigger than Park Jimin’s ass is his ego. After one too many scandals, after one too many mornings stumbling back to the dorms drunk or ruining the reputations of other idols, Jimin is given an ultimatum: complete a rehabilitation program in America or leave Bangtan.

if we were a movie by @/kimvtae f s a

↳ Friends with benefits never worked in the movies, but you and Jimin had been friends for so long, it was bound to work for you. Until, of course, Jimin gets a girlfriend, and you fear you may lose your friendship with him for good.

the pull of the tides by @goldenscript f s

↳ The expanse of the deep blue sea has always drawn you in. Each ebb and flow of the tides never ceasing to take your breath away. And now, a boy with hair as light as the morning sun and a smile just as bright does too. 

hard to say by @floralseokjin f s a

↳you've had feelings for your best friend Jimin for as long as you can remember, but you always thought they were unreciprocated. What if it turned out they weren’t...?

↬looking for pjm library or the other members check out my library

[peachdues]

The Wind and His Moon: Part 2

A/N: ok, I lied. I decided to finish writing/edit this instead of studying -- all 3500 words of it.

The first half is pretty heavy on dialogue/exposition, since I need to set up the rest of the story. The second half brings all the emotional gut punches you all seemed to love from part one.

Enjoy!

Massive CW: canon-typical violence, graphic violence, mentions of gore and child death. Swearing and later smut. MDNI.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

The Butterfly Mansion had been prepared for the party's arrival, thanks to a pair of crows who had managed to fly ahead of the rushing Hashira to give Kocho the warning. When Sanemi and Rengoku skittered into the manicured courtyard of the Mansion, its mistress was already waiting alongside a small group of Kakushi and her mouthy second. Sanemi's feet had no sooner come to a rest before Kocho's attendant — Aoi, he remembered her being called — delicately plucked the unconscious girl from his arms and placed her on her side on a stretcher before rushing her inside, barking orders at the other Kakushi.

Kocho had lingered behind for a moment to get a more detailed account of how the Wind and Fire pillars had found the girl, before she too, disappeared back into the Mansion, eyebrows drawn and eyes serious. Sanemi had not missed how the Insect Pillar's staple serene smile had slipped from her face as he and Rengoku had posited their theory of the girl's assault.

It was only after Kocho left that Sanemi unleashed his pent-up rage on the Kaksuhi who had accompanied them back from the decimated village, not allowing them courtesy of a moment's rest after the frantic journey back to the Butterfly Estate.

Sanemi had screamed at them until his vocal cords twinged, his voice turning hoarse from the strain. How, he had sneered at them, could they possibly claim that they were capable of rendering lifesaving first aid if they couldn't distinguish between someone dead and someonewithafuckingheartbeat.

In fairness, Sanemi had thought bitterly later, after Tengen had all but dragged him off of the Butterfly House's grounds, it wasn't as though he or Rengoku had bothered checking the girl for a pulse either. They were all equally guilty of nearly burying alive the only surviving member of the Lunar Breathing Clan.

But it was far easier to take it out on those who had been closest to her. The ones who should have seen what he had not.The ones who should have caught his failure.

His failure continued to plague him as the days bled into weeks without any sign of life from the girl. Before long, a month had passed since that horrible day.

One month since they had thought her to be dead, only for her to claw and pull her way out from the sodden earth.

The Hashira had gathered with Oyataka-san for an emergency meeting, called to discuss the brutal annihilation of the girl's village and the decimation of the Lunar Breathing Clan. By the end of the meeting, both the Master and the other Hashira knew only two things:

First, there was no question that the girl was the sole survivor of the Lunar Clan. And until she awoke, no one would be able to use Lunar breathing against Kibutsuji and his parade of horribles.

The girl had survived, but not without great effort. Kocho had been able to stabilize the girl after several, long hours, but she admitted it had been touch-and-go for a while. The girl's blood loss, combined with internal injuries sustained from either final selection or whatever confrontation that took place at the Manor, plus the early stages of infection resulting from attempts to bury the girl alive had severely complicated Kocho's medical intervention. It had been well past midnight that evening before Kocho had emerged, sweaty and tired, resignation pulling at her features. But the girl had lived.

Kocho's exhaustive efforts to save the girl brought them to the second key takeaway: apart from a fractured wrist likely sustained during final selection, the rest of the girl's wounds had not been caused by any demon. Neither claw nor tooth mark had been found on the girl.

What was found, however, was a deep slice between the girl's shoulders that was about an inch deep. The wound was a single, long gash, estimated to be about four inches in length. Kocho said it had been caused by a blade of some sort, and she breathlessly admitted she had been shocked that the girl's spinal cord had not been severed.

Framing the wound were smaller punctures, ragged at their edges, and deep, as though whatever had caused them had been dragged down the girl's skin before they were removed. The Master had inquired whether those wounds could have been the work of a demon, but Kocho was adamant they were not. Those wounds had been too even, too precise to have been anything natural (however natural demons could be).

Kocho's conclusion: the girl's injuries had been caused by weapons. Though Sanemi had anticipated the explanation, it did nothing to soothe the chill that rolled over his skin.

The Master had been uncharacteristically grim throughout Kocho's assessment, his lips thinning as Kocho confirmed what Sanemi and Rengoku had feared — the girl had been subjected to some form of bodily assault either before or after she had been wounded.

Kocho clarified she had not found evidence requiring her to use any — preventative — medication. Rather, bruises along the girl's wrists and legs suggested an attempted assault, further proven by the state of her clothing. An assault that likely had been interrupted by the Hashira's arrival.

The news that their arrival may have prevented the girl from being subject to the sick pleasures of lowly bandits did little to soothe the rage toiling beneath Sanemi's scarred skin. If anything, it only added oil to his fire.

At the end of the day, the girl's monsters had been human, not demons.

An uneasy silence had fallen over the group as Kocho conceded that she did not know when — or if — the girl would ever awake.

The Master had made no movement, save for the tap of his finger against the hand folded in his lap.

"I won't pretend that the idea of asking the girl to join our ranks once she regains consciousness doesn't cause me great discomfort," the Master had said quietly after a long moment. "But I am also not unaware of the implications for our cause should we completely lose the Lunar Breathing technique entirely."

"Lunar Breathing has been an invaluable asset to the Demon Slayer Corp, more so because it is a hereditary form of breathing," Iguro's voice was low, serious. "We would be doing ourselves a disservice if we allowed those techniques to die with the girl."

"Had the Head of the Lunar Clan not also have been slaughtered, I would suggest we urge him to take a wife and produce new heirs," Uzui had agreed, though to Iguro's scowl, "but we're not left with many options besides training the girl."

"You say 'training' as though the girl has not survived final selection," Iguro shot back, "It's not as if we would be starting from scratch. At the very least, she has some training under her belt."

"You know what I mean," Uzui waived his hand dismissively, "even if she were to wake up at this moment, she would require intensive rehabilitation." Uzui had looked pointedly at the Insect Hashira. "Right, Kocho?"

"Precisely. If she awakes." Kocho replied, voice dangerously soft. "And I would not discount the time it would take for her mental injuries to heal. To send her directly into battle would be needlessly cruel."

Uzui's slammed his fist on the polished wood of the Master's floors. "But we don't have the time to waste. What do you think Kibutsuji'll do once he learns that she survived his little game?" The Sound Hashira's eyes were cold, calculating. "Do you think he'll just leave her be? The last heir of the Lunar Breathing Clan?" Uzui scoffed, folding his trunk-like arms across his burly chest. "Especially not once he gets wind that she was already training to be a Slayer."

A vein in Kocho's forehead ticked at Uzui's brashness, but before she could open her mouth to snap back, the Master raised his hand. All fell silent and bowed towards him.

"I'm curious as to why we haven't heard from the two who found the girl. What are your thoughts on the matter, Sanemi? Rengoku?" The Master turned towards the pair.

Rengoku spoke first. "Master, please do not think that I underestimate the girl's heritage and its value to our cause," Rengoku bowed deeply, his nose nearly touching the floor. "But I do know that the carnage in the Merchant's village was unlike anything we have ever seen." Rengoku grimaced, struggling to find his next words. "I fear what the girl may have endured may be more than any of us can fully comprehend, and it makes me hesitant to send her into battle."

The Master nodded. "I also fear the risk of sending her into combat too soon." The Master turned his unseeing gaze to the direction of Uzui, who hastily bowed. "While I agree with you, Tengen, that Kibsutsuji will stop at nothing to seek the girl out to achieve his goal, I also wonder whether the girl herself won't try and seek revenge at the expense of herself and her comrades." The Master paused for a moment, considering. "That is, I wonder if sending her out too soon won't be a liability to our cause, rather than an asset. And it's as Shinobu said — we don't know whether she will wake up at all."

The Master turned towards his Wind Pillar, a curious smile tugging at the corner of his ruined mouth. "What say you, Sanemi? It is rare for you not to have an opinion on such matters and not make it known."

Sanemi felt his cheeks heat slightly, and he was sure he felt the tips of his ears turn red in his mollification.

"The caliber of demon slayer recruits has been in a steady decline, and we lose more rank-and-filers now than can pass final selection. There is no doubt that we are desperate for some sort of reprieve." Sanemi began, his voice sounding gravelly and foreign as he spoke to his revered leader with a formality he did not know he possessed.

"But I have to agree with the sentiments shared by Kocho and Rengoku," he continued. "There's too much risk with forcing the girl into combat right away. We don't even know if she can even use Lunar Breathing, let alone master it."

"Isn't that the point of training, Shinazugawa? For the girl to learn?" Tomioka's pathetically quiet voice rose over the heads of the other Hashira, causing Sanemi's nostrils to flare as he loosed an annoyed huff.

Had the Master not been present, Sanemi would have had no qualm in shooting back some biting, sarcastic remark; but because Sanemi respected the Master far more than he hated the insipid Water Pillar, he held back, his fists clenching in his restraint.

"Response, Sanemi?" the Master asked him, pointedly, as though he were prodding Sanemi into objecting. As if he wanted Sanemi to protest, as if he wanted an additional reason to spare the girl from a decidedly shortened and violent life with the Demon Slayer Corps.

Sanemi suppressed a smirk. "Master, tell me – how long has it been since the Corps last had a Lunar Breathing user?"

The Master returned Sanemi's soft, knowing smile. "Nearly fifty years."

Sanemi's eyes flitted over to the dull, azure gaze of the Water Hashira. "I dunno, I'd say the Corps has made it this far without Lunar Breathing. No sense in changing things now." His smirk deepened to something more antagonistic as the Water Hashira turned his gaze away from Sanemi, instead fixing his stare on the wall before him.

The Master nodded in agreement. "Then the matter is settled. We will not approach the girl about continuing with the Corps as a slayer should she awaken. That decision is to be left with her – even if it means the death of the Lunar Breathing technique."

Sanemi relished the grinding sound emanating from his right as Uzui ground his teeth together, his jaw clenched impossibly tight. Sanemi knew that the ostentatious Sound Pillar would rather reduce his teeth to dust than argue with the Master.

"Now, onto other matters. I've been made aware of an incident--." The Master began before a pair of Kakushi came spilling into the meeting room, tripping over one another in their hasty, frantic effort to bow before the Master.

"Please forgive us, Oyakata-sama!" one of the Kakushi spoke up, forehead nearly touching the tatami beneath them. "But you asked us to inform you immediately if --!"

The Master's face turned solemn and grave. "Has she awoken? The Lunar heir?"

Sanemi felt his stomach lurch in surprise. From the corner of his eye, he saw Kocho shoot up from her crouched position, her eyes shining.

"Yes, Oyakata-sama!" the Kakushi answered in unison.

The Master nodded. "Shinobu, please – go check on her." Kocho nodded once and disappeared in a flash, darting back towards the Butterfly Mansion to aid the now-conscious heir. "I will dismiss this meeting until we can all gather together once more. Please, my children, take care of yourselves. I hope to see you all again soon." The Master concluded, his children flanking his sides as they helped him stand and retreat to the room beyond the antechamber in which they had gathered.

Sanemi rose alongside the other Hashira and locked eyes with a pair of crimson eyes threatening to burn a hole through his skull with their intensity.

"You thinkin' of heading over there too, Rengoku?" Sanemi asked, already making his way toward the entryway of the Master's mansion.

The Flame Pillar nodded. "I would like to know at least what happened to the girl upon her return from final selection. If there are any details she may be able to provide about the attack, then we may be able to seek justice for her."

Sanemi grunted, and the pair fell silent as they began to make their way down the little rock path leading out of the Master's sprawling manor grounds and towards the direction of Kocho's estate.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Though the outside grounds of the Butterfly Mansion had been tranquil as the Wind and Flame Hashira arrived, with fat wisteria blooms lazily shifting against the frigid night breeze, the inside of the Mansion was anything but calm.

Specifically, a small group of Butterfly Mansion staff and Kakushi had gathered in a semi-circle in the hall, outside of one of Kocho's recovery rooms, all clamoring over one another in a desperate attempt to catch a glimpse through the thin sliver of glass of whatever was going on behind the firmly shut door.

"Move, you vultures! Don't you have work to do?" Sanemi barked, the gaggle of them moving quickly out of the Wind Pillar's way the moment his gruff voice had cut through their anxious tittering.

The hallway now empty, Sanemi and Rengoku took up the position in front of the room's doorway, both alternating in sneaking furtive glances through the door's small window.

Peering through the small glass pane in the door, Sanemi first saw Kocho standing at the side of a messy, empty bed. Kocho's arms were raised slightly, palms turned up in supplication as she spoke gently to something near the window he knew was on the other side of the room.

Not something; someone. Sanemi craned his neck slightly in an effort to see what had drawn Kocho's attention away from the haphazard bed and towards the window across the room.

That was when he saw her.

Truthfully, she looked like shit. The top of whatever sleeping kimono the girl had been dressed in had been pulled away from her torso, clinging loosely around her hips and obscuring her legs from view. Her shoulders and collarbone were both exposed, but her chest and lower torso were completely covered in tightly-wrapped medical gauze and bandages that extended down past her stomach, disappearing from sight under a loose-fitting drape of her kimono.

There were additional bandages wrapped around one of her biceps and one of her wrists –one Sanemi suddenly remembered had been snapped into a grisly angle when he had found her behind the fountain. Though clearly in the later stages of healing, Sanemi could see deep bruises dotted nearly every inch of her exposed skin. Her long, dark hair was unbound, falling to her waist in an unkept tangle.

Sanemi's gaze lifted to rest on the girl's face, and once he did, he was unable to look away. Her silvery eyes were wild, distrustful, just as they had been when she had so desperately tried to crawl through the blood and snow away from them – from him – all those weeks ago. Her eyebrows were drawn close together, as though skeptical of whatever it was Kocho murmured to her.

"She's barely standing," Sanemi said quietly to Rengoku, who tried to peer over Sanemi's head in interest. Sanemi watched as the girl dug the fingers of her good hand into the grain of the window pane, clutching for dear life to hold herself upright despite the violent trembling of her limbs as they struggled under the effort. The girl's shoulders were curved in, and her chest was rising and falling rapidly, as though she struggled to regulate her breathing. Her other arm was wrapped tightly around her torso as though she were literally trying to hold herself up.

"Tell me where they are!" Sanemi's ears pricked at the sound of the girl's voice, hoarse from a month of non-use.

Kocho shook her head. "Please, your injuries are still healing – let me help you back into-."

"Tell me where you put the others you found at the Manor!" The girl demanded, her voice cracking slightly. "Are they here? Have they been cleared?"

Kocho's eyebrows drew close together, her eyes flashing with a glint that Sanemi knew meant she was irate. "If you continue to stand, you risk tearing the stitching in your back." She said crisply, deftly avoiding the girl's demands.

The girl shook her head vigorously. "There was a little girl – Suzuna – she is eight years of age. She is about this tall," the girl removed her hand from its iron grip on the windowsill to quickly gesture to her hip, returning it to its previous position before she could lose her balance. "And I need to find her. I need to go to my sister. Now."

Sanemi's mouth went dry as dread filled his gut, heavy and nauseating. Beside him, Rengoku softly swore.

Because there had only been one child discovered amongst the carnage of the Lunar Merchant's estate.

Only one child had been found – torn in half – and crushed beneath the weight of her family's fountain.

No.

No. No.

Sanemi felt as though he had disconnected from his body, helpless only to watch Kocho from afar as the Insect Pillar's face softened, remorse filling her eyes. The girl seemed to have noticed the shift in Kocho's expression as well, her panic seizing at her features. The girl's head began moving side to side, shaking her head as though she could stave off whatever would come next.

Kocho took one small step towards the girl, who now cowered against the window, her grip on the sill slipping. The girl's argent eyes, which had previously been so fierce, so cold, now filled something else, something desparate and pleading.

"Let me help you sit," Kocho said gently, taking another step towards the trembling girl.

"Please," the girl whimpered, as though begging Kocho to spare her of the truth that loomed, "please. My sister."

My sister.

Sanemi felt the nausea settling in, as his mind flashed back to the grisly discovery he had made beneath the stone that day, the little girl's broken body a stain on his memory he knew he could never remove. Only now, the child's face – frozen scream and all – morphed into that of the familiar, scarred face of his brother. His Genya.

Get the fuck out, get the fuck out, Sanemi chanted in his mind, the words becoming a prayer that he desperately clung to as he sought to escape the sterile halls of the Butterfly Mansion.

Because Sanemi knew what the next words out of Kocho's mouth would be. He knew that she would be the harbinger of calamity for this girl, for she bore the news that was his own greatest fear, the image of his brother's lifeless form flashing through his mind.

Backing away from the door, his hands shaking, Sanemi sought to escape. He sought to escape the catastrophic storm brewing just beyond the recovery room door, to escape the roaring in his head. As he retreated, Sanemi became distantly aware that Rengoku was calling out to him, but he could not stop his feet, could not stop his body's instinctive need to get away from the Mansion and to get away now.

So, Sanemi ran, and he ran as fast as he could without destroying the Insect Pillar's pristinely kept estate, desperate to avoid the weighty truth that would doom this girl to a life of revenge and solitude.

Sanemi supposed he would have succeeded in running if it had not been for his ears, cursed with a level of hearing beyond that of an average man's.

And so, even with the wind he had summoned howling at his heels, Sanemi still heard the words that fell from Kocho's lips.

And, even hours after he had returned to the silent sanctuary of his own estate, Sanemi could still hear the girl's anguished scream as it tore through the night sky.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

[ofbreathandflame-archive]

i often think that a lot of people facillitating the discussion about the 'necessity' of nesta's intervention always seem to fundamentally misunderstand what exactly is wrong with it

anytime someone shifts the conversation to the 'ends justify the means' ideology- a red flag goes off in my head; anytime someone makes any of these statements...red flag:

"the intervention might have been harsh but.."

"even though the inner circle could have done things better...

"the ic don't owe nesta anything..."

"nesta treated feyre badly so she deserves...."

"feyre cares about nesta and her intentions were good..."

"nesta did xyz to feyre, so its only right..."

because...these statements (and those adjacent to them), always seem to misrepresent what the problem is. its one thing for the inner circle to cut nesta off, for mor and rhys to hate rhys, for feyre to want to get revenge; its an entirely different scenario for the inner circle to put themselves personally in charge of nesta's wellbeing. like....they staged an intervention, they locked her in a house and did not allow to leave without an escort, the tore down her home, they locked in a home with a man she verbally and consistently reiterated she wanted nothing with.

one thing people consistently refuse to acknowledge is the fact that there is quite literally a tangible power imbalance between feyre and her sisters. feyre is literally the governing body of the entirety of the night court; her sisters....are her sisters. silver flames confirmed (and proved to me) that feyre does have tangible, official power over sisters. if feyre says, "you have to be locked in this house with this man," her sisters have no choice but to comply. if feyre says "you're banished," then elain would just be banished. nesta would be banished. and this why i've always said that feyre's function as an eternal victim is undermined by her position in the story.

and this is the kind of power imbalance i have often cited between feyre and rhys and feyre/tamlin. its the natural deference that forms between a subordinate and their superior. its not inherently negative (see: mentor/mentee; teacher/student; manager/employee) but it does mean that people in power have to be cognizant because it is often easy to fall into abusive/imbalanced roles. feyre cannot be nesta's sister and high lady through the intervention; she's either a concerned sister, or the high lady. ordering nesta as her high lady and as her sister mean two different things. feyre establishes herself as high lady in that meeting; she establishes to nesta that the intention of the invention was political in nature.

feyre isn't deferring to an professional who can properly help nesta; she (and the ic) are quite literally assuming the role of the professional. even if we did argue for the necessity of an intervention, that entails consulting and deferring to what they (the professional) outline is the best measure. its still facillitated...through the professional. and by doing that they are inherently consenting to the fact that that person is (1) a subordinate (2) their responsibility. we can't argue for the necessity of a extreme measure - and then in the same breath deny the resposiblities that entails. we can't justify the intervention by saying its the equivalent of a mental health facility and then say the people responsible somehow don't have a responsibility to the person who is essentially forced into being a patient by their standards. and then also claim they owe that person nothing.

and even then - then we have to think about the validity of the house of wind's equivalecy to a mental health facility. because (1) it's nesta that empowers the home, not feyre. its only welcoming because nesta...made it welcoming. its only caring because nesta made it caring. (2) feyre still makes nesta go on missions in her stead. nesta is sexually assaulted twice on said missions. she literally pimps nesta out to eris during her imprisionment. nesta is not getting paid, and she's only allowed to leave the house of wind during these moments. so even that comparison doesn't justify what feyre makes nesta do. she can't be in the equivalent of psychiatric facility and then be coerced into situations she has verbally expressed she does not want to do and that terrify her. we also have to think about the fact that feyre was absolutely down and allowed her sister to be locked up with another male who everyone knew was her mate; who nesta verbally rejected multiple times.

feyre is making the sister that she deemed was so mentally ill that she could not support herself then complete the tasks of a high lady? like how are justifying that? you can't say "this person has a debilitating addiction, therefore, she needs to be locked into a home, escorted, and policed" and then argue that this is the same person who should complete tasks that should be the high lady's job.

like what made tamlin abusive?

it wasn't being a concerned lover. it was that he assumes (and takes advantage of) the position of a high lord over feyre. we know whar tamlin's "intentions" were; he wanted to protect feyre. but how does he protect feyre....by presiding over her as her high lord not consulting her as her lover. a high lord can lock her in the house, restrict her access to his state, refuse to pay her. and again - the concerned lover and the abuser can absolutely co-exist. the 'good intentioned' sister or lover can still be an abuser.

we can acknowledge feyre's position as high lady, but that also comes with the responsibility of managing how you represent your power. the intervention is abusive. and illegal. and impractical. like even if you argue that "nesta heal" that doesn't change the fact that (1) nesta is fictional - of course she "benefits." writing that a character 'heals' from abuse doesn't negate that it is abuse. (2) if feyre had 'healed' under tamlin...he would have still been abusive.

its just very tiring when these conversation focus on the characters and not the frameworks behind them. nesta could have been the nastiest person to ever walk the earth and the intervention and the the behaviors thereafter are still indicative of abuse. and if the ic did not like nesta or could not tolerate for her she treated then they should have not have the power to enact extreme measures like an intervention and lock up.

[aingeal98]

Hi, loved your recent Stephanie Brown post regarding the violence, the rage and general ruthless scrappiness that to me is an essential part of her character.

It also however has always begged a question in my mind I'd be curious to see your take on.

Namely, how do you think Stephanie's willingness to potentially kill or let someone die fits into a Stephcass relationship?

Cos, its easy to see how it works with basically any other character, but their relationship is so distinctly unique and Cass's stance on the subject quite iron-clad.

Not in the sense she won't help a murderer try to change, but in terms of not tolerating anyone dying under any circumstances.

That its hard to see how they'd grapple wither with the fact Stephanie would be willing, or more notably if it actually happened. Obviously context counts for a lot, but yeah, just generally curious.

Ooh good question. I think that overall Cass will never stop believing in Steph despite her willingness to kill. She saw that anger during Steph's Robin run when she threatened to kill Penguin but she also saw Steph step in to comfort a crying child when Cass could not on the exact same mission. Steph was also honest with her about where that anger comes from and why it still exists. So I feel like even if Steph did fall to morally greyer moments than Cass could accept, Cass would be firm in her belief that it doesn't define Steph the way Cass's kill defines her. Steph can change, Steph can be better etc. Even if Steph did kill a villain (in self defence) I could actually see adult Cass defending her? Not the act itself obviously but what it means for Steph as a person. Because obviously Steph would have a bunch of conflicted feelings and the bat's judgement wouldn't help with that, and Cass would be able to pick up on that and given where they are in current canon I can see her trying to shut everyone else out so she can get through to Steph and guide her onto a path where this doesn't happen again. Cass could never look at her fully the same but that doesn't mean Cass would love her any less. They would both be very very sad the whole time though and feel like they're failing each other even if they never verbally acknowledge it.

That said I can definitely see tension between them if they fail to save some scumbag's life and Cass is devastated but Steph is just... Flippant about it. Like oh no the pedo rapist got shot. Sucks but at least it wasn't anyone else. And Cass would be furious, likely saying something insensitive and accusatory as a response, which would raise Steph's hackles in return and get her from "Yeah we tried but there was nothing we could do." to "Actually I'm glad he's dead fuck him and fuck you for being an asshole about it."

If we're talking batgirl Steph and black bat Cass I think they're both at the stage where they're not willing to let this come between them, even if they both get their feelings hurt they'll apologise and talk it out within a week. Neither will fully accept the other as completely right but I think they'd be surprised to find that it doesn't diminish their respect for each other as much as they feared it would.

Unless, of course, during the argument, Cass gets so disgusted by Steph's lack of guilt over the death that she says those three little words:

"Batman was right."

Because in THAT case... Yeah this argument isn't getting resolved with in a week. It'll take a lot of stewing in their hurt feelings, dredging up past traumas and arguments, and probably outside intervention from at least one or two other batfam members. I have faith they'll work it out in the end! They'll just need a bit of help with the communication and apologies because if left alone they'd 100% make it worse.

Ultimately I think what it comes down to is that after Steph's first resurrection, their bond is so tight that neither of them are willing to give up on it no matter how it hurts, which is rare for both of them honestly! Anger and pride can cause them to get nasty but it's not going to break them permenantly because they tried that and it was horrible and they both kind of have ptsd about it at this point.

Thanks for the ask!

[butyou-callmewhenyourebored]

When We Are Together - Matty Healy

Summary: In which Matty falls in love with you in stages his entire life. He knows everything is better when you're together but the two of you are oblivious to the fact you're in love with each other.

Warnings: Swearing. A small section of smut in flashback 2. Unfortunately it's not with Matty. It's with George because I am a whore. Mentions of The S*n. Mentions of Matty going to rehab, obviously we don't know all the personal details apart from the fact there was an intervention after the ilwys era ended and he went and now he's in recovery.  

Author's Note: Self proclaimed 'Not a Matty girl' just wrote 12K lol this has legit taken so long cause I procrastinate but hope you like it!  Really fucking long because I tend to let my mind wonder, I don't even know if this is any good but I'm trying to get better. I thought the concept was cute anyway. So enjoy! Let me know what you guys think and if you liked it x

Word Count: 12K

Your life had always been surrounded by the boys. So many moments in your life that their fans could only ever dream of knowing about or being involved in but you didn’t know any different, it was just your life. You had no choice in the matter when your brother and best friend in the entire world was the bassist in the band. That’s right; Ross MacDonald was your big brother and you seemed to be somewhat of a legend amongst their hardcore fanbase yourself for putting up with their antics for as long as you had! Not that you really had a choice when you were tied to them via blood but they had also hired you as their personal assistant so you could follow them around the world and so none of them had to part from you for too long.

You had personal relationships with all of the band, not just your brother who genuinely was the best big brother you could have ever asked for. He was your best friend and had been since the moment you were born. Sometimes it irritated the others how annoying the two of you were when you both got into silly moods, with all your inside jokes and side looks that nobody else understood. Especially Matty who always wanted in on the joke. But Ross was a ride or die kind of guy and you were the same. If it came down to it you would fight over who took the first bullet.

Adam Hann. Adam truly was an angel of man sent to earth to be your bestie and you don’t think you could love him anymore if you could. Someone you could geek out about The Office with on the tour bus and who brought you coffee when he could see you needed a pick me up. The most level headed of the boys, you know he’ll always be on your side. Someone who’s come to your rescue during many nights out both pre and post fame and took your hand, pretended to be your boyfriend with no questions asked and got you away from creeps more times than you would have liked. You couldn’t be more grateful for a selfless friend like Adam Hann.

George Daniel. Your ‘little’ Georgie had been in your form at school, so apart from your brother until you were much older and started hanging out with them more, you had spent the most time with him. So it’s fair to say that the pair of you were close. So close that you lived with him and Matty in your early twenties. Even a small indiscretion on his 23rd birthday much to your brother’s dismay didn’t change the course of your relationship. Now that you were both thirty two and you were still working for him, clearly the two of you didn’t care that you had seen each other naked. If anything your night together all those many moons ago had brought you closer together. You would trust him with your life.

Then there was Matty. Matty was something else. If you asked his fans, depending on if you were asking old or new fans. He was something else in two senses of the word. To you he was just Matthew. Your big brother’s best friend who was a bit of a weird kid, transitioned into a somewhat cool teenager who you had a bit of a crush on when you were seventeen, to the most annoying person you’ve ever laid eyes on. But also he was your best friend. An old married couple is what George labeled you both and he wasn’t wrong, the pair of you did have a bit of a domestic life together when he wasn’t busy being a rockstar. 

I think the fans would be shocked to find out he likes doing the mundane things in life like doing the food shop with you and fighting at the tills that it was his turn to scan his club card. Or walking the dog, drinking a good cup of tea at his Mam’s house or cooking with you over a glass of wine with Donny Hathaway playing in the background on the record player.

He had done so much for you over the years and you always thought it was just Matty being Matty and looking out for you. Hiring you as the band’s assistant, so you could see the world with them so you weren’t stuck in a stuffy office job in England. Even though you had graduated from uni with a first class degree in photography. Moving you into his home when you broke up with your long term boyfriend in 2020 so you weren’t wallowing in self pity. It was probably then, that George cemented your “marriage status” because you did do everything together and apparently you had been oblivious your entire friendship until now.

It was in this moment in Belfast on the last night of the UK tour that your head swimming with all of the moments in your life that led you to here with Matty, tears brimmed with tears. That you realised that it was him the entire time.

April 2007

You pulled the front of the white tank top you were wearing down, allowing the frilly cups of your red bra to peek out the top. Your top tucked into a short black mini skirt, paired with a big chunky belt and hoop earrings and some wedged sandals on your feet. You actually felt good about yourself for once! You, Sarah and Rebecca ready to get drunk and dance your asses off with all of your friends as you celebrated Matty’s birthday.

Matty’s 18th birthday party was being held at his house. A classic Healy house party yet you still wondered how Denise and Tim were somehow trusting him enough for the night to not burn the house down so he could celebrate his birthday with his friends without parental supervision.

You of course had yet to turn eighteen, as had your brother who was only eleven months older than you. So you turned to your lord and saviour Adam Hann who went to the local off license and bought you a pack of Bacardi Breezers for the party.

When the three of you arrived; you immediately got swept away by your other school friends, giggling at the thought of getting drunk with all your friends and making out with boys your brother would definitely disapprove of was the motivation you needed to open your first drink of the evening.

It was after a few drinks, definitely too many shots of whatever George had proclaimed Matty’s Dad’s had left for the birthday boy. You were starting to feel the effects of the alcohol you had drunk that evening when you spotted Max. Tall, brunette, curly hair and a killer watt smile that made you weak at the knees, talking to George.

Silent motivation from Phoebe as she ruffled her hands through your hair and pushing your tits into a good position as Sarah dabbed on some more lip gloss before pushing you in the direction of the boys, slapping your ass with a quick “Go get him tiger!”

Shooting her a grin over your shoulder, you strutted on over to where George and Max stood clutching their beer bottles as they conversed about god knows what. Hoping to catch his attention, you threw on your best smile as you stopped in front of the two of them. 

“Hello boys!” You beamed a the two of them, eyes lingering on Max a little longer. “Having a good night?”  You asked, twiddling the straw around your drink as you waited for their answer.

“Even better now you’re here gorgeous!” 

Your heart fluttered for a moment. Max was flirting back.

“Your tits are looking mega tonight babe!” 

George broke your eye contact with the tall brunette as your eyes flitted towards him. The blush flushing across your cheeks at George’s compliment, “Ohhh thanks G!”  You laughed awkwardly, catching his eyes fall to your tits once more just as Ross walked past the three of you.

“Dude! That’s my sister!” He punched him in the arm; a scowl on his face and immediately pulling you away with him and far away from the boys and into the crowd of people dancing in Denise and Tim’s living room.

“You’re no fun!”  You huffed.

“You can do a lot better than Max sis. Believe me! I’m just looking out for you.” 

He smiled softly at you and you sighed, knowing you couldn’t ever stay mad at him. He knew you better than anyone else and always looked out for you no matter what. “Thanks bro.  I know. I’m just going to get some fresh air, it’s a bit stuffy in here.” 

You sent him a smile, squeezing past him and all the other sweaty bodies to head out the sliding doors at the back of Matty’s kitchen. Letting out the breath you hadn’t realised you had been holding as the cool spring air brushed over your skin. Taking in the serenity of the night air, you didn’t realise anyone else was out there until you heard a cough causing you to snap your head towards the noise.

Matty was leaning up against the back wall, cigarette hanging from his lips.

“Alright birthday boy! What you doing out here by yourself?” You laughed lightly as you approached; leaning next to him as you took in the slightly solemn look on his face.

“Bit overwhelming in there. Thought I’d like the attention but there’s too many people. Half of them are just here to get drunk, they don’t care about me.” He laughed bitterly; blowing smoke into the air. “Anyway. What are you doing out here?”

“Just needed some air. It was a bit stuffy in there. Too many people.”

“Ahhh so we’re alike in our thinking.” Matty laughed. “Wish it was just you and the boys to be honest.” He mumbled, shuffling his feet.

“Hey. You know if you want we can have a do over. Come over to mine and Ross’ tomorrow. We’ll order pizza and watch True Romance. I’d hate for you to not look back fondly at your 18th.”  You smiled softly as you spoke.

“You’re brilliant.” Matty’s eyes bright as he looked at you. “I’d really like that. Thanks sweetheart.”  Matty shot you a genuine smile for the first time since you stepped outside.

A brief moment of silence settled across the two of you before Matty spoke again.

“You look incredible tonight.”

“Ohhh.” You looked down at your feet, unsure of how to take the compliment.

“Hey.” Matty lifted your chin up. “What’s all that about? You’re the most beautiful girl in the room.” He said earnestly; swiping at the apples of your cheeks and holding your jaw in his hands.

“Just didn’t think anyone could look past the fact I’m Ross’ sister. Nobody ever calls me beautiful.”

“Not even Josh? Didn’t you date him for nearly a year?”  Matty asked as you shook your head.

“Then he’s an idiot. You’re always the most beautiful girl in the room darling.”

“Matty.” 

It came out a whisper as you both stared into each other’s brown eyes. Matty’s eyes dancing across your features, settling on your lips before looking back up and catching your gaze already on him. Matty leaned in, his face getting closer to your own as your mind started racing. 

Did you want to kiss Matty? Kinda, yeah! 

Should you kiss Matty? No, definitely not. Ross would kill the both of you. 

Did you kiss Matty? Yes.

“We shouldn’t.”  You whispered, lips mere inches away from his own.

“But a birthday kiss is all I want this year.” 

His words came out of a whisper, you didn’t say anything else just pushed your lips against his and allowed him to pull you closer as his mouth moved against the softness of your glossed lips. His hands moving from your face, dancing down the sides of your body and landing on your waist before he reluctantly pulled away, forehead resting against your own.

“You’re good at that.” He pecked your lips once more.

“Mmmm.”  You hummed; opening your eyes as Matty held you close. You quickly opened your mouth to say something and promptly shut it again when you caught the way Matty looked at you. “Fuck it!” You mumbled and slammed your lips back against his own.

The birthday boy now pushing you up against the wall, hands impossibly tight on your waist as he pulled you as physically close as possible. Your hands uprooting themselves in the hair at the back of his neck and tugging as you snogged him like your life depended on it. Like you weren’t pushed against the back of his kitchen wall in his garden, where any of your school friends could come out and catch you. Or worse; your brother but you didn’t care because the way Matty was kissing you made your whole body tingle.

Tugging his hair again as his tongue moved against your own. Matty groaned loudly; finally pulling away. “Fuck settle down! You know I can’t be found with you and if you keep doing that, someone is going hear us.” He groaned as he continued to pepper kisses up the side of your jaw.

“Hmmm, don’t feel like being murdered by my brother right now.”  You sighed; leaning back against the wall to take him in. Lips swollen and eyes bright as he watched you.

“I don’t want to be murdered by your brother either. Worst birthday ever!” He chuckled; hands dancing across your waist. “But that was my favourite birthday gift! Thanks sweetheart!” Matty grinned; watching you push yourself off the wall and smooth yourself down before heading back towards the house.

You paused for a moment; your foot on the last step, your hand lingering on the handle to the back door for a millisecond as you looked over your shoulder one last time at Matty who was just watching you. You sent him a soft smile, your hair falling in front of your face as you laughed before leaving him the dark as you rejoined the party.

A kiss with Matty who was your big brother’s (and your) annoying friend, someone you had an innocent schoolgirl crush on once he started becoming a tiny bit cool as the lead singer in their band. Something you didn’t think was an overly big deal, after all people kiss people they shouldn’t when they’re drunk all the time. Turns out it was the starting point of the trajectory of how your’s and Matty’s story begun.

March 2013

In the midst of releasing a series of EPs and gigging around the country and building up their hardcore fanbase. You had managed to get the boys all to just relax for a moment and celebrate the release of their Music for Cars EP and the fact that it was George’s 23rd birthday this weekend. And how did you celebrate? The only way you lot knew how, a dirty ole’ house party just like the good old days.

You had managed to squeeze God knows how many people in little flat you shared with George and Matty. As far as flatmate’s go, they weren’t all that bad. You had moved in with them straight after university so you had definitely had worse.

You had just downed what you believe was your fifth vodka shot of the evening and decided you needed to pace yourself a bit more if you weren’t going to stumble into your room and pass out any time soon. So upon spotting Ross, you wondered over to your brother who was sat talking to Hann; wiggling your way in between the two of them with a giggle. Ross automatically lifting his arm for you to slip under as you nursed the rest of your wine at a slower pace until your glass was empty.

After your head stopped spinning a sufficient amount, you found yourself milling about the flat and smuggling yourself into Matty’s embrace as he poured you another glass.

“Enjoying yourself sweetheart?” 

“Mmm. Have you see the birthday boy?” You felt Matty’s lips pressed to the top of your head as you asked.

“You leaving me already?”  He chuckled. “Think he popped out the back for a cig.” 

He motioned towards the back door. You immediately unravelled yourself from him, a kiss smacked against his cheek, catching the corner of his mouth. Not that you noticed in your flurry but Matty did. The longing for the feeling of the two of you had shared in his back garden prickling at his chest as his eyes locked onto your retreating figure as you rushed through the throng of remaining people in the kitchen and exiting the flat.

Matty was right. You found George smoking out the back in your little tiny back garden under the dying glimmer of your shit security light that was attached to your back wall. Turning in your direction at the sound of the back door shutting, George automatically opened his arms for you to slot into his side, arm hung loosely over your shoulder as he let out the smoke he had just inhaled. Wordlessly placing the cig in your mouth to let you take a drag yourself, you passed it back and forth between the two of you in silence.

Stubbing the end into the brick, George dropped it into the bucket of dirty filters before breaking the silence. “God what time is it?”  He asked as you watched him push the balls of his hand into his eyes.

“Nearly 2am! Why you need to go to bed Grandad?!”

“Fucking maybe?! How many people are left?” The now blonde motioned towards the house.

“Only a few. Heard Sally talk about some of them heading into town on the way out and Luke and Helen have to be up early so they left nearly a hour ago. Just the band and about three other now. You ready to head in birthday boy?” You asked; holding out your hand for him to take with a smirk.

With a silent nod George didn’t hesitate to grab onto your hand as you tried not to trip over the many plant pots that were littered across your garden path. “You given me my birthday present yet? I can’t remember?” You turned to look at the drummer. An amused look on your face because he had given you the brightest smile when he had opened the personalised drumsticks you had gotten him earlier. “Or are you my present? Wait is this an ambush?” George gasped. “Please be an ambush!” He grinned at you.

“You should be so lucky!”  You scoffed; before shooting him a smirk as you opened the the kitchen door.

“Your tits look mega in that dress by the way!” His tone smug as he closed the kitchen door behind him. Your only response being the cackle that left your mouth as you left George to watch you walk away as you joined the rest of the band in the living room.

Lucky indeed because once the remaining guests left about twenty minutes later. You had snuck into George’s room to say good night and wish him a happy birthday and it’s how you found yourself currently with aching arms. As they were locked either side of George’s knees, his hands tight on your waist as you bounced on his cock.

You weren’t sure how long you had been in this position. You do know he had already made you cum twice though. Once on his tongue and once with his fingers but my God were you spiralling towards your third. The thick drag of his cock between your legs as he stretched you out was delicious but you needed to cum quick because you weren’t sure how long you could stay in this position for.

“Jesus Christ! So fucking good George!” You wailed; as George’s thumb swiped through the slick between your legs and rubbing at your clit.

“Feel good baby?”

“Yes. Shit! So good!” You panted. “Arms hurt though, fuck.”

“Don’t worry. I’ve got you.” He said; pulling you forward.

You fell forward at full speed; having to catch yourself on either side of his face to stop yourself from head butting him as his large hands moved from your hips to grab on to the globes of your ass before plowing up into your cunt so fast you saw stars dance under your eyelids. All you could do was shake and babble out a string of, “So good. So good. So good.” As George made you cum again.

Pulling out quickly. You had no time to recover as George flipped you over; face already in his pillows as he pushed back into you as he chased his own orgasm. The drag of his cock made you feel delirious at the speed in which he was fucking you back into the mattress.

“Fucking hell. You’re so good G! Yes! Yes! Yes!”  You screamed into the mattress, really not caring that your mutual best friend was on the other side of the wall.

His name fell from your lips like a chant. You hadn’t been fucked this good in forever, if at all and the fact it was your Georgie made your head spin.

“Come on baby. One more and I’ll give it to you.” He whispered in your ear, kissing the back of your shoulder before pulling you back on to his cock at rapid speed and sending you hurtling towards your fourth orgasm of the night (well morning) and George to fill you up with a satisfied groan.

Pulling out; your gentle giant rolled over, the pair of you catching your breath after fucking for a good hour. Rolling your head to the side to take him in, you pressed a kiss to the top of his shoulder with a chuckle. “Happy Birthday G!” 

The now blonde let out a loud laugh as the pair of you snuggled into each other’s arms, like you would normally do under any other circumstances as George pressed a kiss to the side of your face. The temporary bliss shielding you both from the circumstances you’d have to face in the morning.

When you did manage to wake up the next morning, George was still fast asleep but his alarm clock read 10:12 and you knew you’d have to get up to tidy the flat because Matty certainly wouldn’t. As you looked around George’s room, you scrambled to find anything to hide your dignity as you moved around to clean up. As you pulled the shirt George was wearing the night before over your bare body, you didn’t have chance to register the other voices on the other side of the bedroom door.

“Where is she? She’s not answering her phone? She’s not in her room either.”

Matty didn’t answer Ross’s question, just grumbled into his arms before flinging himself down onto the dining room table dramatically.

“What’s the matter with you? You look like shit Healy!” Hann shoved his shoulder with a laugh as he threw himself on the sofa.

“Well you’d look like shit if you didn’t get any sleep cause you could hear George fucking at all hours of the night too.” Matty snapped at the two of them.

“Who was he shagging? I thought he wasn’t seeing that blonde anymore?”

Unfortunately for you, this was when you decided to make your grand appearance. Walking out of George’s room in nothing but his shirt and your knickers from the night before. The three of them silent as they took in your appearance.

Adam’s jaw slack as he looked on in shock as everything clicked into place before his very eyes.

Matty looked pained as he ran a hand through his curls before pushing himself up off the dining room table and shuffling into the kitchen, silently flicking the kettle on.

Ross looked angry. You could see it simmering in his eyes. The vein on his neck pulsing as he starred you down.

“I’ve been trying to ring you. Why were you in George’s room? ”

“I’ve been asleep. I’m here now aren’t I? Everything alright?” You brushed past him, trying to avoid talking about the inevitable. You hated when Ross was angry.

“Why do you have George’s shirt on?”

The two of you competed in a stare off. The both of you silent. Neither of you making the next move. If there was one thing you MacDonald siblings were, it was stubborn. Adam was watching on in anticipation. The only noise to be heard was Matty shuffling around the kitchen in the background. Your brother asked you again. Why was he asking you questions he didn’t want to know the answers to.

“Don’t make me say it bro.”  You sighed; annoyance flashing across his features.

“You slept with my best friend?”  Ross immediately started raising his voice. He already knew the answer, he didn’t need your confirmation. Not that he waited for it because he was already storming towards George’s room and right on queue, the door swung open to George just in his boxers.

“Ross. Stop!”  Your voice loud and going ignored.

“YOU SLEPT WITH MY SISTER?!”  

Ross was seething. Hann was immediately by your side ready to intervene. Matty still off and away from the drama (which was very unlike him) that was about to unfold. He was unlawfully quiet but you couldn’t think about that when Ross was squaring off with George in the doorway to your rooms. The shouting sounded like you were under water as you zoned it out. This was a disaster. It was only when Hann touching your arm, whispering if they should intervene or not that brought you back to reality and had you storming right in between the two giants.

Pushing your way in between them. You stood with your back against George’s chest, a hand on your brothers and looking up at him with pleading eyes. “Ross. Please. Fighting George isn’t going to solve anything.”

“You slept. With my sister. What about fucking bro code?! Not cool dude!”

“It was me.” You shouted over the top of his booming voice, all four of them turning to look at you as you very rarely raised your voice. “It was me. I initiated it. So if you’re going to be mad at someone, shout at me because it’s my fault.”

“Babe you don’t have to defend me.” George touched your shoulder gently. “I know, we shouldn’t have done it.”

“Don’t touch her!” Ross zoned in on George’s hands upon your shoulders. He quickly lifted them up in surrender.

“George, we’re both consenting adults.” You addressed him before turning back to your brother. “I’m sorry but if you’re going to sulk about it, blame me because I started it. Ross you know I love you more than anything in this world but you can’t hate everyone that goes near me.”  You reached for his hand to give it a squeeze. “It was literally a one night stand. Promise it won’t happen again.”

Ross tried to pull his hand out of yours at your words, the vein in his neck twitching at the fucked up thought of his little sister casually sleeping around. “I’m not fucking happy about it. Fucking bro code dude.” He threw his hands up dramatically before turning towards the door. “I’m going for some fresh air.” 

Ross quickly yanked open the front door, Hann hot on his tail, muttering something about checking on him which left you with Matty and George. The three of you standing in silence for a moment before George popped a kiss on top of your head and mumbling about a cig and heading out the back.

Matty disappeared again into the kitchen as you plonked yourself down at the dining room table with a groan. The ticking of the clock the only thing to be heard as the two of you were now the only ones left in your tiny flat. Sitting down next to you, Matty didn’t say anything. Just pushed a mug of coffee towards you and sipping his own.

“You don’t hate me do you? You haven’t said anything all morning.”

Matty took a sip of his coffee, a look of contemplation on his face as his eyes flitted towards you. The silence deafening and the thought of him being upset with you made your heart ache.

“You never offered me that on my birthday.”

You blinked rapidly as you stared at him. That was it. That’s what he chose to say.

Matty tried to say it with a joking lilt to his words. A smirk hiding behind his mug of coffee as you took in his words. But he knew deep down that there was a seriousness to it. It was true, you’ve never done anything with him other than when you kissed at his 18th, on his birthday or otherwise. Apart from one drunken weekend about two weeks later. He wasn’t sure why the thought made his heart pang. But it did. You opened your mouth to respond, quickly shutting it again as a flush rushed to your cheeks as you remembered the night in his garden five birthdays ago.

You let out a shaky laugh, not knowing what to say, shoving his shoulder playfully as you settled back into your chair, steaming coffee ready to be drunk.

“I don’t, you know.” 

You turned you head to curly haired man beside you confused at what he was saying. 

“I could never hate you.”

2014

You weren’t exactly sure where you were. What state you were in. What time it was or how much you and the band had to drink or what drugs Matty had taken tonight but you were fucking exhausted. You had been following your brother and your best friends around the world for the best part of just over a year, ‘acting’ like their personal assistant. 

You were essentially a glorified baby sitter for these four man children. You wouldn’t change it for the world though, you got to travel the world with your best friends and take cool photography in the cool cities you visited but it was all catching up to you. All whilst they were busy being rockstars, some more than others but that was a different story.

You wanted nothing more than to be in the dingy little flat you shared with Matty and George in Manchester, catching up on washing, going down to your local Sainsbury’s and doing the weekly shop. Anything that didn’t require going to bed post 3am.

But you were currently in a club in Atlanta or was it Nashville? You didn’t know but what you did know was that you were bloody tired and the thought of travelling on the tour bus to the next state with a hangover was genuinely about to send you into a downward spiral if you didn’t get yourself back to the hotel asap.

Tucked neatly underneath Hann’s arm, his arm loosely hanging over your shoulder as you rested your head upon his shoulder, you prayed for your brother to round up the other two quicker than he was because you were actually asleep standing up at this point. You didn’t think it was possible to be asleep with your eyes open but you were positive at this precise moment in time it was currently happening.

Ross finally reappeared with George in tow but there was no Matty trailing behind the two of them. You groaned loudly as you clapped eyes on the two of them. Ross looked defeated, tiredness set his eyes too. George smirked when he heard your groans.

“Not the usual type of groans you make when you see me baby.”

“I’ll punch you so hard before Ross even gets the chance to if you don’t shut the fuck up Daniel's. Where’s Healy?”  You huffed, scowling at the boy in front of you.

“Mumbled something incoherent before refusing to leave.” Your brother grumbled.

“Give me two minutes.” You sent Hann a soft smile, before removing yourself from the bubble the two of you’d created at the end of the bar before pushing your way through all the sweaty bodies until you found him trying to chat up some blonde model type near the DJ booth.

Gently placing your hand around his bicep to get his attention, his curls whipped in your direction to see who was touching him. The first thing you noticed apart from the bright grin he was now sporting were his dilated pupils. So he had taken coke again, brilliant. 

The sigh that left you so deeply rooted, you’re surprised he didn’t pick up on it. You hated the way it made him feel after the high was over.

“Hi darling! Hasn’t tonight been amazing? Wait where are the others? Can you believe your brother tried to make me to go back to the hotel? How sick was the gig tonight? Do you want to dance? Hey let me introduce you to…” He spoke at a hundred miles a hour as he spewed out utter nonsense, turning to realise the blonde he was chatting up was long gone.

You watched Matty’s shoulders sag, sad eyes now back on your own. “You fancy coming back with me? I’m dead on my feet and don’t really fancy nursing this inevitable hangover whilst being stuck on the tour bus for over six hours with you lot without at least four hours of decent sleep.”

“But I don’t want to go home yet.” He pouted.

“You come with me now, I’ll let you stay in my bunk tomorrow and I won’t complain about how clingy you are. Promise!”

“Like a sleepover?!”  Matty’s face lit up again.

“If you like, yeah!” You laughed at his childlike enthusiasm.

“Come on then, let’s go right now!” He started to drag you through the crowds. “I’m sharing with Ross tonight. I think he’d rather kill himself than watch you throw yourself at me!” 

“I don’t throw myself at you.” You laughed at the frown he was pulling at you.

“It’s been known to happen Healy! I don’t mind though. My bunk tomorrow. Pinky promise.”

“Tomorrow.”  Matty sent you a soft smile; his pinky looping around your own before you started to tug him back towards the boys. “I just want to clarify, I don’t throw myself at you I just like lying on your tits is all!” He said, pulling a laugh out of you as you approached the rest of the band. Your brother already leading the troops out the club as he saw your approach, eager to get out of there and into bed.

You had currently been on the road from Atlanta to Raleigh, North Carolina for the past two hours and the hangover was showing no signs of disappearing. You had already watched half a season of The Office with Hann and had taken a half arsed nap with Ross but it was hard trying to sleep in the lounge, when your head was knocking off his shoulder every time the bus hit a pot hole.

Not to mention; if Matty made one more fucking sound, you were absolutely positive one of you was going to throw him out the window. It was a toss up between you and Hann, whoever got to him first I suppose. But he was getting on your last nerve. He was annoying at the best of times but there was something about his come down today that was irritating you to no fucking end. He so much as breathed too loudly and it was sending you spiralling into deep pit of annoyance.

You and the band were up back in the lounge area, some Adam Sandler movie playing quietly in the back ground that you were pretty sure none of them were even paying attention to. When Matty threw his phone across the bus, swearing something incoherent under his breath and it was the last straw.

Standing up abruptly, you managed to startle both Ross and Hann at the speed in which you moved. Pulling down George’s hoodie that you had stolen, so it covered more of your ass over the pair of gym shorts you had on. You turned back towards your brother and Adam, irritation etched across your features, scowling at Matty as you eyed him out of your peripheral, as he moped about next to George. 

Just the image of him, made you want to roll your eyes.

“I’m going to my bunk before I fucking throttle him!”  

You sent them both a sarcastic smile before storming off to your bunk. You can’t have been there ten minutes before your peace was interrupted by Matty who was peering around the curtain and asking if he can join you. You let out a big sigh before silently nodding your head as he lumbered on into the small space.

Immediately wrapping his arms around your waist; his head found home upon your chest just like it always did when he wanted a cuddle. Your hand that was wrapped around him made its way up to his head, where it settled in his curls, finger tips running across his scalp. The sound of his soft sighs automatically calming down the irritation that had been bubbling inside you since he had awoken this morning.

You weren’t entirely sure how long you had been lying there in silence. You only broke the silence when the coldness of Matty’s fingertips slipped underneath your hoodie to touch the warmth of your skin. His thumb rubbing circles across the softness of your hips as he snuggled further into your tits as one of his legs started pushing its way in between your own as he got comfy.

“Matty?” Your voice gentle as you tried to get his attention.

“You said you wouldn’t complain.” His voice muffled as he spoke into your covered breasts.

“Your fingers are fucking freezing that’s all.” Your chest vibrated with laughter.

“Sorry sweetheart” Matty moved the slightest bit, to kiss the underside of your chin before snuggling back into the warmth of your hoodie.

“I don’t mean to, you know?”  He whispered softly.

“What are you talking about?”

“I don’t mean to make you angry.” 

His voice was barely above a whisper, that you nearly missed it.

“I’m not angry. Why would you think I’m angry at you?”

“You looked like you’d rather die than be anywhere near me before.” The hand that was weaving through his curls stopped. “I hated it. Hated that you looked at me like that. Made me feel even more shit than I already do.”

“Healy look at me.” Matty didn’t move a muscle, head still tucked underneath your chin, no effort in moving at all at your words.

“Babe. Look at me.” Your voice more stern, wiggling away from his grip so you could look down at him properly. “I could never hate you. Ever.” Your eyes flitted across his features, hardened by the late nights on tour and the hardcore partying. “I hate what that stuff does to you. I would never stop you from having fun but when you do that stuff, I hate how it makes you hate yourself the next day. I don’t want you doing something you’re going to regret because believe it or not Healy. I’m quite fond of you and I don’t think my heart could take it if something happened to you. Neither would my brother’s or Hann’s or George’s. We love you a stupid amount you know.”

Matty blinked at you as he took in your words, his brown eyes glossing over before shoving his face into you neck, the grip around your waist becoming impossibly tighter. Your body shaking as his vibrated against yours, soft sobs leaving him as he chanted; “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” Over and over again.

All you could do was hold him closer and reassure him, that he had nothing to be sorry for and you were just looking out for him because anything else, you were afraid it might break you and you’d cry too. As your best friend was breaking his heart and wetting the hoodie you were wearing.

“Don’t apologise for having fun. I just want you to be careful. All I ever want is for you to be okay and sometimes what you do with all those people you don’t know isn’t good for you sweetheart.”

You squeezed him tighter, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. As he mumbled how “I’ll be better, I promise” into your neck, pressing multiple kisses in quick succession to just under the right side of your jaw before settling back into silence where the two of stay for some time.

The soft regular movement of Matty’s thumb rubbing circles on your hip stopped, his hand significantly less colder than they were before he had them up your hoodie, moved across the expanse of your lower back and rolling you over so you were now draped over him instead and tucked into his side. 

“You know sometimes I feel the only time I might get better is when we are together. You ever feel like that?”

It was now your turn to nod silently, a soft hum leaving your mouth as you pressed a quick kiss into his skin as you settled into a slumber.

2017

You had been pottering about your flat most of the morning, doing a deep clean of the place before you were supposed to be heading to meet the boys for Sunday dinner. Your boyfriend of nearly a year Michael, once again opting out of spending time with you and your family, claiming he had better things to be doing that sitting about and listening to the boys talk about what they had been getting up to in the studio again.

Personally you think it was because George let slip last time Michael could actually be bothered to join you all for a drink, that he had slept with you in a drunken ramble, much to the dismay of your boyfriend, your brother and yourself. And Michael didn’t take too fondly to the fact you were still close with George after the confession.

You were in the middle of folding the last bit of the washing that you had dumped on your bed when your phone pinged with a text from Hann.

‘Did you get a letter in the post this week? x’

‘I get a lot of stuff in the post Ads! Off who? x’

‘Matty x’

The moment you saw his name, your heart got stuck in your throat. None of you had heard from him since he he had left, something to do with his recovery. So the thought of contact from him had you dropping your phone on the bed and rushing from your room, shouting at Michael about the post you had received this week. Only receiving a mumble from him about the fire place; had you dashing to the living room, where you rifled through the post sat on top of the mantelpiece. 

There slotted in between this months Rolling Stone subscription and a local take away menu was a white envelope addressed to you. 

A Barbados post mark sitting in the top right corner.

Dropping the rest of the mail on the coffee table, you rushed back to your bedroom, locking the door immediately before sitting at the edge of your bed and taking in Matty’s scrawl of a penmanship. Running your fingers over the ink; your mind flashed back to that day. 

The day you realised he wasn’t okay. 

How completely out of it he was as you watched him at their last festival gig of the iliwys tour cycle. How utterly miserable he looked as he threw himself about the stage, looking just the shadow of the man you knew and loved.

You knew something wasn’t right as you watched from the side of stage with their manager Jamie. George ever the professional, had even broke his concentration bubble to catch your eye several times during their festival set, worry set in his features. 

The way your gentle giant walked straight up to you, stopped in front of you and just by the look in your eyes. Your face never one to hide your emotions. George wrapped his arm around you and without a single word, the pair of you knew you had to speak to the other boys about it. You needed to talk to him.

The night of the intervention. The way he screamed and shouted at you all. He admitted to using but he didn’t do it quietly. The way Ross stepped in front of you in defence when he swore at you. Hann’s hand wrapped tightly around your own, George’s hand squeezing your shoulder in support as your brown eyes glossed over as you took in the man in front of you. He wasn’t your Matty and you hated looking at him like this. 

You didn’t want to look at him at all and it broke your heart.

Slipping your finger into the envelope you finally tore it open, slipping out several pages of paper. You weren’t sure how long you were holding them before you actually unfolded them but it felt like a lifetime of contemplating before you managed to finally take a deep breath and compose yourself enough to read his words.

‘Darling,

As part of my recovery, I’ve been tasked to write a letter to everyone I’ve hurt and yours is the last one I’ve got to write. Not because you mean the least to me. Quite the opposite. Yours has been the hardest to write. Harder than Gabby. My Mam, Dad & Louis & the boys because you mean the absolute world to me. 

This is actually the third time I’ve attempted to write this. Admitting that I’ve hurt you is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. You know what I’m like, I’m a stubborn twat at the best of times but I needed to do this because you deserve this apology probably the most.

You’ve never once judged me and the fucked up things I do when I’m on one. Since we were kids you’ve stuck by my side, defended me when I really didn’t deserve it and loved me endlessly from the sidelines and I’ve definitely not deserved your love but you gave me it anyway.

Do you remember that time we were on tour in 2014 and I was fucked up on coke for god knows how many days in a row and you couldn’t even be in the same room as me that day on the bus when I was on that god awful come down on the way to North Carolina?

Yet you still didn’t say no when I selfishly came crawling to your bunk to interrupt your peace and quiet with my tail between my legs, asking to come lie with you. You could have told me to piss off but you didn’t, you let me squish myself into your bunk and your arms and let me sleep off my hangover in your arms without complaining once. I would have complained but you didn’t, you let me and my cold hands snake their way into your personal space like I hadn’t gotten on your last nerve just ten minutes prior. 

I’m quite a selfish person. You my darling are the most selfless person I know and I don’t deserve the good grace you’ve given me time and time again. Especially seeing as I dragged you along for the ride and then you’ve had to babysit me because I can’t control myself when it comes to drugs and showing off because I want everyone to like me.

You could have taken the tough love route, told me I’m a big fuck up and judged me for my drug use and tried to get me to stop (which probably would have have had the opposite effect out of defiance) but you didn’t. You silently kept an eye on me and made sure I didn’t end up killing myself. Until I took it too far.

I’ve seen you look at me with distaste over the years. Yet nothing compares to the way you looked at me that day you guys staged your intervention. I didn’t think you guys had noticed. I thought me and Miss H had this great big secret going on and I didn’t want to let any of you guys in on it because it would ruin what we had.

Yet you know me better than anyone. You and George both just knew that day. Of course you did. You’re my best friends. But you don’t know how happy I am the four of you staged that intervention and told me I needed to get my shit together.

When I think about the way I lashed out at you. The way your big brown eyes that usually sparkle with mischief when we’re with each other, glossed over as you just stood and took it and didn’t even raise your voice at me once. I can feel the lump in my throat tighten as I write this.

I deserved it you know. I deserved whatever fury was bubbling inside you because I was a class A cunt that day! I’m truly surprised Ross didn’t knock my head off and I wouldn’t have blamed him either if he had done!

I’m just so glad you did something because the thought of losing every single one of you shatters my soul so much, I would cease to exist without you.

I could sit here and write down the list of all things I’m sorry for but physically we don’t have the time or enough paper! But you should know that I am.

I’m sorry. 

For everything.

I’m doing okay. The best I’ve been in a long time. The only way being here might get better is if you were here too.

I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But I’m begging for it because the thought of you hating me and not being able to trust me anymore kills me.

You really an angel on this earth.

I don’t deserve you.

I love you.

Yours Matthew x

p.s I cannot wait to be reunited with your tits! I’ve missed them!

You let out a chortled laugh as you read through the last line of the letter. Your hands quickly making their way to your face as you wiped the tears that were streaming from your face. The cuffs of your hoodie wet from where you’ve tried to stop the flow of tears. Pressing the letter to your chest, you took a few deep breaths to try compose yourself before you left the confinements of your bedroom.

Hurriedly shoving the letter into your handbag, so there was no chance Michael could stumble across your letter. He didn’t like Matty as it was, you didn’t want to give him ammunition to say anything. You grabbed your car keys and rushed out of the house without a word to your boyfriend and heading straight to Hann’s.

2020

You had broken up with Michael.

The red flags should have been there from the start really. He always had less than nice words to say about you and your relationships with the boys. He didn’t have a lot of nice things to say in general but you were blinded by love and the man he was when you first met that you didn’t see the red flags being waved right in front of your face until your heart (and self confidence) were already broken.

Your brother didn’t like Michael, he thought there was something off about him from the off but you put it down to Ross doing his job as your big brother but his opinion didn’t waver once in the four years you were together. George never liked how possessive he was and the fact he became even more so and tried to stop you from speaking to him after he found out about your night together. Which just fyi happened three years prior to meeting him, so he (everyone) was flabbergasted as to why he was so bothered! Hann. Your sweet angel of a bestie had even voiced how he didn’t like him and he was never one to be rude which should have also been a clue you were dating a dickhead.

Then there was Matty. Matty hated him. The feelings were mutual. Michael had told you plenty of times over your four years together that he hated your best friend but he would never tell you why. Matty told you it was because ‘he was a twat who didn’t deserve you’. You were obliged to agree because that mother fucker cheated on you!

Multiple women across the last two years of your relationship. 

To say you were stunned was an understatement yet it somehow made sense and fell into place so easily when you thought about it all. Yet that didn’t make it hurt any less. But a friend of yours sending you the evidence whilst you were on the last night of the UK tour was the final nail in the coffin that was your shitty relationship with him.

You weren’t sure who wanted to kill him more. Your brother? Matty? Or George? The three of them were raging amongst one another at their after party which should have been a celebration whilst Hann sat with his arms wrapped around you as you cried to him and Carly. You didn’t think anything would make you feel better apart from getting obliterated with your favourite people and forgetting about Michael and the impending doom that was about to be bestowed upon the entire world.

Matty was your saving grace.

Asked you to move in, without even hesitating. Naturally you said yes, sitting in your flat all by yourself whilst you cried over your douchebag of an ex during lockdown did not sound appealing to you. It was giving ‘Emma Pilssbury crying to Celine Dion in her car from Glee’ and you weren’t quite ready to hit that stage of your breakup depression just yet.

Two weeks turned into two months and then four months of lockdown but quite frankly you had never been happier. Living with Matty again, surprisingly was just as good the second time round if not easier. Except this time you weren’t poor, your kitchen roof wasn’t leaking and there was a 95% less drug taking which made your life a whole lot less stressful.

It was just easy with him. At some point whilst the world stood still, Matty and Tahliah broke up and then it really just was you two; doing your washing, fighting over who’s turn it was to use their club card during the weekly shop at Tesco and raising his (both of your’s) new dog, Mayhem.

The two of you had been getting ready to move into a studio tomorrow with George after four months of just the two of you playing house, the pair of them just itching to get back to work. You were aware that Matty had been writing already but you knew it would be full steam now Notes had been released and you wanted to make use of the time you had left just the two of you.

Only because you knew as soon as you got your hands on George. That was it! Not a chance Matty was getting any attention. You had missed your big friendly giant more than anything and you knew from your FaceTime with him last night whilst you couldn’t sleep that he was more than excited to see you too.

All three of you were sunbathing in the garden. Mayhem by your side as the two of you soaked up some much needed sun. The heatwave the UK was currently in the middle of was doing wonders for your skin. You had been lying in silence for the past thirty minutes, a book covering your face to block out the sun as you tried to read. Matty’s head in your lap as you presumed he was napping when you suddenly felt him turn over in your lap, now on his side and looking up at you.

Lifting the book ever so slightly, so you could peek underneath at him, you cocked an eyebrow as he watched you with a gentle gaze. “Yes?” Your tone rich with sarcasm as you stared back at him. “Anything actually going through that pretty head of yours Healy? What you thinking about?”

“Us.”

“Us?” You laughed. “What about us?”

“You remember my eighteenth birthday?”  He asked; peering up at you with a soft smile.

“The party?” Matty nodded. “I remember Ross stopping me from getting with Max! Remember him? I was gutted!”  You laughed. “Why?”

“You know that’s not what I meant?” Matty frowned slightly as he pouted at you.

“Of course I do.” You put your book down, your hands automatically reaching for what was left of his curls,“What about it?”

“You ever think about it?”

“Sometimes. Think we’ve done a fantastic job at keeping it from my brother! Especially with your big gob!”  You smiled down at him as you ran your hand through his curls gently.

“Funny!”  He sent a glare your way, causing you to laugh loudly at his attempt to be intimidating. 

“What’s got you thinking about that kiss from a million years ago anyway?”

“Wanking material.” He somehow managed to say without cracking smile.

It was your turn to shoot him a glare at his crudeness. It wasn’t long though until he was grinning up at you from his place in your lap. You pushed his head away from you in fake annoyance. God you couldn’t stand him sometimes!

“Ohh come on darling. I hear you sometimes! We all do it, you’ve got to think of something!” Matty tried to lighten the mood.

“Yeah I think about G’s 23rd birthday.” You smirked. Your vibrator was good but it wasn’t George. You couldn’t remember the last time you had a good orgasm and thinking it might have been before Michael makes you want to cry. Your confession/kind of a joke caused the grin to fall from his face and you almost felt bad, knowing he doesn’t want to hear about the incredible night you had with George because if anyone asked him, he absolutely did not want to relive it.

“I’m joking!” Your hand reached for his curls again. “Seriously though, what’s got you reminiscing about it. It’s been a long time.”

“Just thinking about how much I love you is all.” His confession made you stop. “What would have happened if we’d said fuck it and we ended up together.”

“I don’t think Ross would have been too happy. You saw how mad he got about G!”  You laughed nervously as you thought about stopping your brother from knocking his band mate out.

“He’d have gotten over it.” Matty was now leaning up on his arms, leaning forward to press a light kiss to your bikini clad torso before pressing several kisses in quick succession up your stomach until he was hovering over your chest and looking down at your face. “If we were happy, he’d have been happy. You know he would have been.”

His actions made you hold your breath. It being strangely intimate and probably the most intimate you’d been since you were teenagers. You wondered if he was actually going to kiss you again but he just looked down at you fondly.

“You know I’d do anything for you right?”  You nodded. “You’re one of the only people who makes me truly happy.  I’d literally go too far just you have you near. I’d go blind just to see you!”

You rolled your eyes at the dramatics of his statement but the sweet sentiment made you smile, you reached up to hold the side of his face in your hands. Your thumb sweeping over the apple of his left cheek. The pair of you just basking in the warmth of the sun and each other. Unsure how long you hadn’t said anything, Matty broke the silence in the most Matty way.

“Literally anything you need. I’ve got you for life sweetheart. A cuppa? A joint? An orgasm? I’m your man!” 

A chortle left your mouth as he cheekily beamed down at you, waiting for what he knew would be a somewhat sarcastic response. He didn’t realise he’d really set himself up for what you were about to say.

“Don’t worry I’m good. I’m seeing G tomorrow!”

The way his eyes narrowed at you made you cackle even louder as he finally jumped up off you, to walk back inside without another word. “I’m sorry!”  You laughed. “I promise not to shag George when I see him. I’m good with my vibrator I promise!”  You manage to sputter out through your laughter. “Stick the kettle on whilst you’re in there love.”  You shouted after him.

Matty threw you the middle finger over his shoulder which made you laugh even more as he went though the back door, Mayhem hot on his heels; knowing fine well he was going to put the kettle on and make you a brew just how you liked it because for as long as he can remember he’s never been able to say no to you and he didn’t think he’d ever will.

2023

The 1975 in Show and Concert was possibly your favourite tour that you’d been apart of with the boys. There was an accumulative of factors; the fact you weren’t the only girl on tour this time round, Carly had joined Adam with their son and Charli had come to as many shows as her own schedule permitted. You also had a little part to play at Matthew’s request (obviously!) donned in a white lab coat, you brought Matty a hot honey and lemon on stage every night and pottered about with the rest of the crew, making sure your brother and the rest of the band were all good before slipping off to watch the rest of the show from backstage.

Or it could have been that you and Matty were closer than ever. Ever since lockdown and the pair of you had been living together, everything seemed so simple that since restrictions were lifted, you just carried on living together. I think when George removed the last box of things from your old flat to take to Matty’s did it for him, that he just shook his head with a laugh. 

“You guys really are an old married couple!” He chuckled; slamming the boot close and jumping in the car before you could get a word in edgeways.

He wasn’t wrong, you guys did essentially everything together apart from have sex. Not that you hadn’t thought about it. Somewhere between moving into the studio with him and George and then your brother and Hann joining them to start recording their fifth studio album. You hadn’t shagged anyone in over a year and there was only so many times you could use your vibrator before you got bored and there wasn’t a cat’s chance in hell you were ordering a new toy to the studio because Matty didn’t have boundaries and absolutely would have opened it before you could even get the chance to get your hands on it.

You had also promised after day one; after one too many jokes and essentially mounting George at any given moment just to have him near you that you wouldn’t sleep with him. Even though a repeat of his birthday from seven years prior was literally so so temping to you! So what the hell were you going to do? The thought of dating apps made you want to vomit and hanging about bars really didn’t seem that appealing.

But Matty being Matty; was being overly affectionate one night after one too many glasses of red after a show, had the two of you giggling like teenagers and wondering if the two of you had gotten better at kissing since Matty’s 18th. Curiosity getting the better of the both of you, had you surging towards one another in a flurry of horniness after the kiss, was how you found yourself straddling his lap and snogging him like your life depended on it! Until you physically had to pull away to get your breath back and a rush of sense flashed through your brain. The two of you went to bed separately.

Neither of you spoke about it again.

Nor did you ever think about how the two of you were always drawn to each other no matter what shit storm was going on around you until now. You were just tying up the end of the UK leg of the tour, you and the band were in Ireland and Jamie had just told you that *The Scum* were running a horrendous article about Matty. This had in turn resulted in an argument after their penultimate show between the boys. 

You knew he did things in the heat of the moment whilst he’s on stage or says shit without thinking and it comes to bite him in the arse almost every time but he’d never do what they’re accusing him of on purpose.

But seeing your brother hurt by Matty’s stupid actions; the repercussions for not just himself but for the rest of the band, your brother, yourself just by association. It was enough for you to step in, in defence of your brother. He came before everyone else, every single time.

This you didn’t realise; had as big of an effect until you were stood frozen on stage in front of your brother, Matty in between you and Ross. Apologising to him, crying in front of thousands of people. How Ross hadn’t broke the facade and took him in his arms was beyond you because your brother’s face was currently blurry to you and he was stood a foot in front of you. Tears filled your brown eyes and were threatening to spill as Matty let his vulnerable side show in front of everyone. Something he never does.

You had done so well until he apologised once more; removing his hand from Ross’s arm and reaching behind him blindly to grab on to you. The tears automatically fell; the action enough to make Ross twitch in an ache to comfort you. Something he couldn’t do until the band had come off stage at the end of consumption.

After the final song of tour; the boys usually head on out for the after party. Tonight you had Matty back at the hotel in your room on his knees and begging for you. 

Begging for you to not leave him. Begging for you not to move out. Begging for you to stay by his side. Begging for you to still love him.

You furrowed your eyebrows as you looked down at the man in front of you; on his knees as his hands grasped at your legs, pulling you close as he hugged you as physically close as possible as he sobbed against your legs. Instinctively you reached for his curls, running your fingers through them softly.

“Baby. Look at me.” The softness of his curls tickled your thighs as he stayed pressed against you. “Matthew. Darling look at me.” 

You managed to loosen his grip enough to slide down on to your knees in front of him, taking a hold of his face in your hands as you eyes flitted across his face, smiling softly at him as he tried to calm himself down.

“I can’t lose you. I can’t lose any of you.” He shook his head, curls flying in front of his face. “But I can’t lose you darling. I can’t.”

“Matthew. Look at me. Why do you think you’re going to lose me? You’re never going to lose me. You’re kinda stuck with me!” You laughed. “And even if I decided to fuck off, my brother being your bassist kind of means I’m stuck with you anyway.” The grip on his face got tighter as his hands reached up to hold on to your wrists.

“But last night…”

“Ross and I just want you to use your brain sometimes before you do stupid shit! You’ve not lost either of us. I promise.”

“Promise?”

Your heart jumped into your throat at the swell of tears in his eyes and his lip quiver.

“Life. That’s how long you’ve got me for Healy. Promise.” As soon as you stopped speaking; Matty threw himself at you, arms around your neck and squeezing you so tightly you nearly stopped breathing. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you” Being repeated in your ear over and over as you squeezed him back, pressing your lips to the side of his face in consecutive kisses until he abruptly pulled away. Eyes red and looking at you so softly you thought he was going to cry again.

“I love you.”

“I love you too. You know I do.” You smiled at him warmly.

“No. It’s always been you.” He said as he reached for your hands and it felt like you had been hit in the chest. The sting of tears trickling up your face and threatening to fill your eyes as you silently took him in. You went to open your mouth but nothing came out.

“I know I always talk too much but just listen to me. I love you. Since we were kids I reckon, I was just too chicken to ever do anything.  When you kissed me on my 18th birthday. When you saw I needed help,  you saved my life sending me to rehab. Every day, I thought about getting home to you.  It’s what got me through every day. You make me a better man darling. When you take my shit when I don’t deserve it. When you make me a brew in the morning just how I like it. When you roll me a joint when you realise I’m too tense and in my head without me even having to ask. When you tell me to shut the fuck up before a situation escalates. When we go to big Tesco and walk the dog or do all the washing together. I fucking live for that shit because it’s with you. Fuck I’ve been writing songs about you for the past decade! You are intertwined with every era of this band sweetheart. I mean 60% of the last album is about you! ” He chuckled softly.

“What?” Managed to escape you in a gasp.

“Come on sweetheart. Some of this music has literally been out for ten years!”

“I - Just never - Why have you never said anything before now?” Your voice horse with frustration.

“I love your brother too much. But thinking I’d lost the two of you, just made me think fuck it. You deserve to know. You need to know.” Matty shrugged casually.

“That’s stupid.” Your deadpan tone, stunning him silent.

“Sorry?”

“Wasn’t it you that said to me that if Ross knew I was happy. That we were happy he wouldn’t care. He’d have gotten over it? And you’ve just subliminally been telling me you love me through music this entire time?”

“Yes?” 

You cocked an eyebrow at his hesitation, the questioning tone as your eyes flit across his handsome features. Cheeks tinged with pink due to his tears, his chest falling up and down rapidly at his confession as he awaited you answer. You still didn’t say anything, thinking about how to respond until you found the perfect response.

Surging forward you pushed your lips against Matty’s. Hands reaching for the curls you loved so much. Waiting for him to reciprocate felt like a life time but your Matthew was well equipped in the art of kissing you back so realistically it was 0.2 seconds after he had gotten over the shock.

You kissed him over and over again, not wanting to stop the feeling of how your lips moved against his, how his tongue felt against yours. You felt like you were on fire, he was intoxicating. He always was but fuck was he more than ever. Finally finding the strength to untangle yourself from him, chests heaving as you both got oxygen back in your lungs you said the words, the way he’d been wishing to hear for the past sixteen years.

“I love you too.”

When he was finally seen in public two days later on the eve of their Gorilla gig in Manchester. The fans noticed Matty was in higher spirits than he had been two days prior when his breakdown was caught on camera. You had been nervous to tell your brother but Ross claimed he already knew Matty was in love with you, he was just waiting to see if he’d actually grow some balls or not! Then he hugged you so tightly and whispered he was happy for the both of you, which in turn had you and Matty crying backstage in their green room as you found yourself in a 1975 sandwich! 

You don’t think you had seen Matty look so happy on stage in a long time. He loved touring but it was gruelling but seeing him on stage in this tiny venue with his best friends and his girl watching and waiting for him side stage. He couldn’t stop beaming. The fans noticed, the comments already flying in online about him. They increased tenfold when he jumped offstage, not waiting the ten second walk backstage before kissing you like his life depended on it.

The blurry picture of Matty holding your jaw in his hands as he kissed you in the shadows of the stage was on a 1975 update account within minutes.

Captioned: If you know you know. Finally 🖤

You were obliged to agree.

[autistic-ben-tennyson]

Benlie: Why I love these two

A lot of people in the Ben 10 fandom don’t really like this ship these days. Even back when UAF was airing, most were gushing over Gwevin and there was very little Benlie content like AMVs, fanfics or fanart. Many view Julie as a bland character and while she could have been fleshed out more, I think that’s a bit unfair as well as the idea of her being controlling, toxic or abusive. On the flip side are those that view Ben as a misogynistic incel who only saved Jennifer, Elena and Eunice to get in their pants, when he did care a lot more about Julie than some say. I am aware that there are overzealous stans who treat Benlie like the greatest romance in history and usually do it to drag down Omniverse, but many of us who still ship or enjoy it do so because we wish it could have been done better.

I like these two as a couple, partially because they’re a nice contrast to Gwen and Kevin. Gwevin was the “bad boy and smart girl” opposites attract, angst filled romance people loved. Ben and Julie by contrast are people with similar interests and personalities like Sumo Slammers, horror movies, sports and can be pretty headstrong while having a more compassionate side. Both also used “you’re not a monster, you’re better than this” to get the Dragon/Ship to come to their senses, ironically both incidents involved the Forever Knights. Friends to lovers can be overused or cliche but it can also be wholesome.

One other thing I love about these two is how they bounce off each other. Julie is someone besides Gwen who can remind Ben that there’s more to life besides being a hero, something the original Ben 10,000 struggled with and who pushes him to reign in his jerkass tendencies. Sort of like Robin and Starfire in Teen Titans. She brings out the best in him and he is aware that he’s not a great boyfriend, but he does better than most give him credit for. No hate to Benkai fans but they really brought out the worst in each other while Julie got the short end of the stick from the writers.

I also really like how she’s the one that saved him from being corrupted by the power of Dagon, keeping him from letting the power go to his head which is a nice parallel to Azmuth and Zenith. She was kind of the fourth member of the team before Rook, having helped Ben during Big Chill’s pregnancy, and helping stop the Highbreed war, Ultimate Kevin’s rampage and Ben from abusing the power of Ascalon. She also saved him twice from Elena and as well as when he got his hand cut off and was trapped in the Null Void and reassured him when his identity was leaked.

As stated above, many of us Benlie fans ship it because of its missed potential. The show should have really fleshed out their parents more as we never see them interact and Julie’s dad was shown to hate Ben in his only appearance. Julie could have staged an intervention with Carl and Sandra after the Ultimate Kevin incident and over their concerns about Ben’s fame as that arc needed more consequences. I think Julie would also have been fun to see interacting with Rook as well as the other characters Omniverse introduced.

One other reason I really like Benlie is it has a similar vibe to some of my other favorite ships like Hodaka x Hina or Connverse and it feels very animesque, which makes since as the series is quite similar to a magical girl anime. They genuinely care about each other despite their ups and downs and have a very cute vibe. I headcanon both as bisexual or biromantic given Ben’s “crush” on Nemesis and his interactions with Rook, Rex and Kevin. Julie also seems a bit queer, coming from a strict family, keeping secrets like Ship and slowly breaking out of her shell, realizing what she wants out of life.

People use them arguing or Ben screwing up as a reason it was toxic but I like seeing characters work out their issues and succeeding. They got together in AF and were fairly stable. Then conflicts arose in UA when Ben became famous and Julie began her own career in tennis, but they appear to have reconciled by the finale. Then OV could have had them as partners with Rook, having worked out their issues. Regardless of whether you like them as a couple, fans can all agree that Julie deserved better from the writers and isn’t as bad as the fandom makes her out to be. I’m aware that they were not a perfect romance but they don’t need to be for people to like them.

[emilybahu]

What I want to see with Eddie/Buddie Going into Season 8

I'm really excited to see what they do with Eddie this coming season after how season 7 ended for him.

I feel like it may take a few episodes of us watching Eddie pull away from everyone as his mental state over this whole situation he got himself in just keeps getting worse until someone finally knocks some sense into him and tells him he needs to get help. Maybe the firefam even stages an intervention of sorts, telling him that they're all worried about him and that he needs to get help. I could see Buck trying his absolute best to help Eddie, to no avail. Then Hen just shows up at his house one day and straight up tells him if he doesn't work on himself, then how could he expect to repair his relationship with Chris.

I want to see a whole episode, maybe two, dedicated to Eddie's healing. I want to see him going to therapy. I need to see him learning to love himself and how to live for himself, not only for Chris. I need to see Eddie uncover the parts of himself that he's unconsciously buried through the years and rediscover things he used to enjoy. I need to see Eddie opening up to everyone and them all being proud of him and happy to see him genuinely smile. I want to see Eddie having an adult conversation with Chris about what happened and how nothing like it would ever happen again. And I want to see Eddie and Chris working on repairing their relationship and Buck hanging out with both of them.

And who knows, maybe Eddie will have a sexuality crisis, maybe he won't, maybe Buddie will happen, maybe it won't. All I know is what both Oliver and Ryan have said, which is that it has to feel right for the characters and their respective stories. Buck and Eddie have such a beautiful friendship as is, so furthering their relationship has to be done carefully. Now, I know that for a lot of us, it feels like we've been waiting long enough for this to happen, but we also have to think about the fact that the characters don't see their relationship like that. Like in a lot of the fanfics, they might both realize that they have romantic feelings for each other and be too afraid of ruining their cherished friendship to share them with one another. Or maybe they haven't realized those feelings yet, and even when they do, they'll need time to process them.

On Eddie's side, it will likely take him a while to come to terms with not being straight, and I'd like to see him putting the pieces together in his brain and talking to his therapist about self-acceptance. Apart from that, I'd like to see his dynamics with another partner (perhaps another man) before Buddie happens, if Buddie happens. I also think that Eddie figuring out he's not straight will be how he realizes the love he feels for Buck is more than one would usually feel for a friend. Maybe he'll try to give his all to whatever relationship he's in at the time, but he'll quickly realize that although he was genuinely happy with the other person, his heart just isn't in it anymore.

On Buck's side of the coin, I really hope that Tommy sticks around long enough for us to get to know his character more. I know a lot of people don't want to hear that, but as long as Buck is happy with Tommy, I'm happy with Tommy. And if they break up, I want them to still be friends. Anyway, back to the Buddie of it all...

I think Eddie will come out to the 118, and of course, everyone will be supportive as he explains that it took him months to finally be comfortable enough to tell them. And whether or not he tells them all at the same time or comes out to Buck first, I KNOW that Buck won't even hesitate to give Eddie the biggest hug! Buck starts realizing his deeper feelings when he sees Eddie with another man for the first time. Also, whether or not they're both single, mutual pining will most definitely ensue.

To me, there are only a couple ways that would feel right for a Buck and Eddie's feelings reveal (of course, in both situations, they're both single, no more cheating!):

The first one is high drama, of course, something I think a lot of people want after hearing that when Eddie got shot back at the end of season 4, there was supposed to be a feelings reveal. Hence, Eddie puts Buck in his will as Christoper's caretaker if he were to die. (Speaking of that, I really hope that we also get a serious conversation about the will in season 8). Anyways, I think it would be more interesting if, rather than only one of them getting into another near-death or serious injury situation, it was both of them together. Like they get trapped together in a burning building, one or both of them get hurt, and all they can do is wait for the team to come find them. They're holding each other, scared that they won't make it out, and they confess their feelings for one another. They hold each other even tighter after that, maybe even share a kiss.

Another scenario that I wouldn't mind seeing is a lot less dramatic. It would be sweet and soft and full of nervous energy. I think that I'd almost want it to mirror when Buck came out to Eddie, but this time, they're at Eddie's house. Chris isn't there. Buck and Eddie are just hanging out together. They just ate, and they're either sitting at the table or leaning against the counter, standing so close that their shoulders are brushing. It's a quiet moment, a lull in whatever conversation they are having, and they just look at each other fondly. Eddie quietly confesses his feelings, telling Buck that it's ok if he doesn't feel the same and that, regardless, he still needs Buck in his life. Buck is shocked, but doesn't let himself freeze, telling Eddie that he feels the same, and the scene ends with Buck and Eddie sharing a sweet kiss.

And now I'm going to make these scenarios into fanfics...

God, as much as I want Buck and Tommy to be happy as long as possible, I just NEED Buddie to happen! I love these guys't wait to see what happens in their relationship next. If nothing romantic happens between them in season 8, they need to at least have something happen that deepens and solidifies their friendship even further. Something that reminds Buck and Eddie of the place they have in each other's lives and how important they are to each other.

Thank you for reading my rant! I really do hope that people read this all the way through. Took a good amount of time to get all my thoughts out, so I hope people enjoy what I had to say! 😁

[titlemewickedwonderland]

Love Your Enemy (Dewdrop Ghoul x Male!Ghoul!Reader)

Summary: No one hated Papa's little fire ghoul more then Y/n - a newly summoned ghoul that struggled to find his place in Papa's pack. No one understands why the two ghouls hate each other so much until it comes to light their past - perhaps an intervention is needed.

Fandom: The Ghost Band (Swedish Band)

Pairing: Dewdrop Ghoul x Male!Ghoul!Reader

Triggers: Cursing, slight violence, sexual tension/dirty talk, and well Dew...Dew's his own warning label.

Auth. Note: The portrayal of Ghouls and Papa is from a fandom base and imagination alone; the personas of the band do not have anything to do with the real people behind the masks. I am a fan of their music and respect their privacy so their stage persona is separate from the real-life individuals in my works.

Workshop!

The perks of being Papa's ghoul were the accommodations and respect one got. The ability to be part of something bigger, do things you love, and at the same time find a place within a pack to form an unbreakable bond with each other. It certainly bet Hell by a long shot. Still, every coin is double-sided, and even with the good, there was always that bad side - such as how Y/n was struggling to fit into his new pack. Being a newly summoned Ghoul for Papa Emeritus the 3rd he still had things to learn. Struggling with being topside was always the worst - it had been forever since he'd been summoned by someone besides selfish little teenagers. He didn't have the best rep when it came to being summoned so when he'd crawled from the summoning circle he feared he'd see another eager but terrified face girl at a slumber party or some shit. Instead, he had been greeted by a man wearing skull paint and funny-looking pope robes alongside a few figures clad in black attire and wearing silver masks.

Y/n was a ghoul - he could sense those of his own kind right off the bat and he didn't like it. Fuck it actually had terrified him more than the teenagers. He'd even asked if he'd been thrown into another circle of hell or some shit. But no, Y/n had been topside, and after his contract had been confirmed with 'Papa' he had been carefully whisked away by the other ghouls. He would have liked his stay better if he hadn't realized a little too late who all the ghouls were. Not that it was bad. Quintessence ghoul named Aether was the most welcoming and Y/n felt at ease immediately with him as soon as they were locked behind the walls of the ghoul's quarters. Then there was the multi-ghoul Swiss who's personality was a bit flirty but he gave off a best friend vibe that Y/n digged - he imagined they'd be hanging out a lot together. There was an Earth Ghoul named Mountain who barely spoke but had a calm and kind aura. A Water ghoul named Rain was soft-spoken and a bit shy. Despite being older than Y/n he gave off the vibe that Y/n would probably do almost anything for him. The Ghoulettes were away and he couldn't meet them just then but it was the Fire ghoul of the pack that made Y/n's hair raise on his arms and make his tail twitch uncontrollably. He knew that fucking stance and those eyes even behind the silver mask. He knew his scent before he'd ever fully registered who was standing in front of him. And Y/n knew he was fucked.

It took months for him to get comfortable with the new routine. His own traumas made it hard to connect with people but at least he had music and his pack mates that were patient with him. Except when it came to Dewdrop. The pair were at it every chance they got - their presence announcing each other through hisses and low rumbling growls. No one understood why they were on edge with each other. During practice on stage, Dew would make a show of crowding Y/n as if showing a sign of dominance but Y/n would only return the favor with a headbutt that to anyone else would have looked almost brotherly or affectionate but in fact, made Dew's head vibrate with the force through his mask like two goats locking horns. It got so bad that Rain often had to take Y/n away from the fire ghoul to calm down him while Swiss and Aether distracted the firecracker.

Today was of no difference as Y/n effortlessly ducked as a cup went soaring over his head to smash into glass shards on the kitchen floor. "Fuck you swing like a girl." Y/n snorted with a feral grin behind his mask as he placed the kitchen island between him and the pissed fire ghoul.

"Oh look I think I actually see flames coming out of your mouth there, Dewdrop! And here I was thinking you were just a imp." this caused Dew to snarl and launch himself across the island but before Y/n could meet him across to deck him an arm wrapped around his middle yanking him back just as another grabbed Dew's tail to jerk him backward.

"For fucks sake, it's only 7 in the morning! What's this about now?!" Aether's tired voice growled as he got a struggling Dew into a headlock.

"Fucker ate my last yogurt." Dew spat gripping with claws at his packmate's forearm.

"Yogurt?" Swiss snorted from behind Y/n as he idly rested his chin on top of the smaller ghoul's head. "You're fighting over a fucking tub of yogurt Dew? Really?"

Y/n smirked leaning back into his bandmate and stuck his tongue out at the other who only struggled against Aether's hold like a wet cat ready to claw someone's eyes out.

"Okay, that's enough! What the fuck is this all about?!" Aether boomed shoving Dew down to pin him like a thrashing bull. "You've been at this since the moment Y/n was summoned! It's been months!" he huffed just as Rain and Mountain came in seemingly woken up from the shouting and commotion from the kitchen.

"What's going on?" Rain asked blinking sleepily

"Y/n and Dew are at it again." Swiss huffed taking a playful chunk of Y/n's pointed ear like a nip of disapproval but the action was caught by Dew and the fire ghoul snarled.

"Fucking hell Aether get off!"

"Not until you tell us what the hell is going on! this is ridiculous, you're packmates now!"

"I don't claim that....thing." Dew sneered at Y/n and the latter flashed a cheeky smile in return

"Alright, that's it." Mountain rumbled in frustration as he walked over and grabbed Dew by his scruff as if he weight nothing and then hauled Y/n over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes before stalking out of the room with the others trailing behind curiously.

The large ghoul went down to the basement of the Ghoul's chambers were usually their equipment was kept when not in their rooms - a place where they usually just hung out watching movies and playing games together. It was isolated and a large circular room with one door that led in and out. The Earth ghoul dropped the pair onto the carpeted floor before pointing a finger at them in warning.

"You will not leave this room until you sort out your problems!"

"You're locking us in a room together? That's not the smartest choice big guy." Y/n crossed his arms looking away from Dew

Mountain stalked forward until he was looming over the smaller male causing the other to look up but shrink at the look on his face. Mountain hardly ever got mad but that look in his eyes right then made him want to get on his knees and beg for forgiveness. He swallowed thickly as he forced down a whine as the other reached up a hand to tip his chin up to look at his eyes.

"You will stay in this room until I see fit that you won't kill each other outside of these walls. Fuck it out, fight it out, I don't give a rats ass but you two are not leaving this room until you are not at each other's throats anymore. Fix whatever shit this is, okay honey?"

Y/n nodded dumbly and watched as the others silently filed out - the sound of the door locking from the outside was loud in the quiet space but neither he nor Dew moved for the longest time until Dew got agitated and shifted further into the room.

"Out of all the fucking ghouls to summon Papa had to summon you didn't he?"

Y/n's head snapped over towards him and his lip curled. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean? It's not like I wanted to be summoned, asshole!"

"You took the contract. He would have easily sent you back if you didn't want to join us, dipshit." Dew fired back and Y/n's mouth clamped shut with a click.

It was true, he could have said no to the contract and Papa would have sent him back. But the truth was, Hell was far worse than what his life top side was right now; it wasn't a place he wanted to remember or go back to anytime soon. Sighing Y/n made his way to the couch and sunk down into the cushion staring up at the ceiling with dull eyes.

"Was it really that bad?" Dew finally spoke up and Y/n could feel the burn of his stare on his face.

The ghoul snorted and lowered his gaze to meet the familiar color of Dew's irises he actually once fell for. He shrugged and licked his lips thoughtfully. "Fucking sucked ass, dude....especially after you left."

A heavy silence fell in the room and Dew shifted on the couch he sat on until he was near Y/n. "I didn't want to leave you there alone, Y/n..."

"But you did. You chose your freedom over your mate...and I supposed I shouldn't have blamed you as much as I did all those years. If I had been given the choice...I probably would have taken my freedom too."

Dewdrop's face twisted slightly and Y/n was reminded as he scanned the familiar features why he'd fallen for the spitfire in the first place. He had been so beautiful when they first met - feral and wild like the flames of hell themselves. He was still so beautiful now but there was more ease about him after being on top side for so long. The fire was there still sure...but it wasn't as if either of them were a mindless demon anymore. Still, fuck had it hurt when Dewdrop left Hell to stay in the real world.

"So, you uh...found yourself a family up here then that kept you tethered huh? I mean....I get it. They're great. I probably wouldn't have the heart to leave them either. Or Papa. That eccentric doofus." Y/n's lip curled slightly in an attempt at a friendly smile but Dew's intense stare made it drop.

"I didn't take another mate...Y/n..."

"And what if I did?" Y/n's challenge caused that perfect jawline he remembered nipping at clench as Dew launched himself at the other.

Strong thighs bracketed Y/n's frame as Dew gripped the back of the sofa to lean closer; his nose almost touching Y/n's as their eyes stared at each other. A snarl flashed his white fangs and a long-fingered hand slid up the column of ashen flesh to grip his jaw.

"Then I will have Papa summon that motherfucker, I will force you down until you're gagging on my dick and after I blow my load down your throat I'm going to fuck you in front of them." he snarled lowly feeling the way Y/n's throat constricted in a hard swallow and getting lost in the colors of his irises.

"A-and if that's not what I want?" Y/n panted out against Dew's lips that hovered above his.

"Oh baby boy...you won't have a fucking choice. You're mine. I had you first. my mark...." The guitarist's fingers tugged down the shirt collar to stare at the patch of skin between shoulder and neck before a curse escaped him.

"Fuck~ You still have my mark..."

Y/n whined and arched up into the ghoul straddling him; gripping his slender waist to pull him closer. "Of course I still have it. I'm a demon with morals, you asshole... You honestly think I found dick better than yours?" he let out a shaky laugh but Dew merely pressed his lips to the fading scarred mark on his skin making another whimper escape Y/n lips.

"Dew....Please..."

"Fucking hell, firebug." Dew's fingers sank into the soft hair and yanked Y/n's head back until his mouth parted in a gasp which he took full control of.

Dewdrop's tongue slipped into his mouth to tangle with his mate's and he groaned at the familiar taste of him; pressing down until Y/n felt nothing but the fire ghoul above him. When lungs screamed they parted for air - a string of saliva connecting their panting breaths.

"Fuck all that shit...turn around I'm about to fuck you until you can't remember anything but my name and after that I'm renewing that bloody mark - your mine Y/n!"

~

Rain tapped his foot on the step as he chewed on his fingernail glancing at the others in the stairway. He cleared his throat before speaking his voice at a little higher pitch than usual.

"Did anybody know about...." he trailed off. " I mean should we..."

Swiss bit his lip as he looked towards the locked door when another cry of pleasure sounded from behind it between the snarls. The scent of sex and arousal seeping from beneath the door caused his pants to tighten a bit.

"Know that our Dewdrop had a mate all this time in hell that he abandoned? Fuck no."

"A-ah." Rain nodded and looked helplessly at Mountain who merely shrugged and bent down to pick Rain up bridal style.

"Come on Raindrop." he walked up the stairs leaving Aether and Swiss staring at each other.

"Fuck it!" Aether threw Swiss over his shoulder and bolted up the stairs to his room with a giggling Swiss behind him.

Now it's safe to say the fights didn't end up with any more glass shattering during the mornings or shouting matches over the stupidest stuff. But the Sister who took care of their laundry sure did have to stop by a lot more often than usual.

Taglist: @kattreffic

If anyone else wishes to be on a taglist for future Ghost oneshots or fictions please let me know!

[lemon-natalia]

Harrow the Ninth Reaction - Chapter 4

i feel like Ianthe is possibly the worst person to stage a mental health crisis intervention, but here she is

‘Good morning, my comrade’ ah yes, what a normal way to greet people Ianthe

Harrow’s extreme discomfort/dislike of people seeing her actual face w/o face paint puts her insistence Gideon wear it in the last book into perspective - it's wasn’t just her being pedantic, it’s a really big deal for her

the letter is written in her own handwriting??? i thought at first it was a message from the Emperor but i guess not. this whole situation just keeps getting stranger

ok, its written in Harrow’s own cipher, and the letters Ianthe specifically aren’t written in code, which strongly suggests that it really was written by her. still, what with all the mind/soul melding stuff in these books (specifically how Harrow could replicate a key Palamedes remembered), i feel like its not impossible for someone to have replicated it

and this is letter number two, not number one - Ianthe has two, one that is in case Harrow dies, and another … unmentioned one. i don’t trust that Ianthe isn’t lying about something here, or has taken a letter that wasn’t for her, or something along those lines

letter two was written 48 hours after becoming a Lyctor. i don’t have my copy of GtN with me rn so i can’t check if thats before or after the epilogue with Harrow and the Emperor?

current perspective Harrow seems to be a lot more unstable, or at least a lot less coherent than when Harrow was writing these letters - between her forgetting writing them, and her memories seemingly being messed up, Something else seems to have happened to her in between then and now, her general state rn isn’t just a reaction to the events of the last book like i had assumed.

She has to check Ianthe’s jaw to make sure its her, without her knowing - firstly, why her jaw? Secondly, are they gonna kiss??

Oh she did kiss her okay!

Harrow thinks she’s never interacted with Camilla? has she forgotten all the events of Canaan House other than becoming a Lyctor? now i’m wondering if Ianthe remembers what happened at all

i mean at least Ianthe does care about her sister, if in a mildly weird way

oh wtf i get she can heal herself but Ianthe was very ready to just stab herself. and stabbing Harrow was very uncalled for - but it took her far more effort to heal her hand up, again i feel like Harrow is not really a proper Lyctor yet

[sammysdewysensitiveeyes]

You know, now I really do want Morph and Iceman to date on X-Men 97. Because as much as I love the Morph/Wolverine pairing, realistically it is NEVER going to happen, unless maybe Morph winds up with an AU Logan (like the bisexual AU Wolverine that dated Hercules in the comics), and even that seems unlikely.

Iceman has already been established in TAS as one of the original X-Men who clashed a lot with Cyclops and eventually left the team to be with Polaris - then Lorna disappeared to join X-Factor and left Bobby for Havok. Bobby was portrayed as straight in the cartoon because he was still supposedly "straight" in the comics at that time. There's a strong chance that Iceman will get recruited to the team next season, with the main team largely missing and presumed dead - a perfect chance for an Iceman coming-out story.

Iceman/Morph could also be a kind of rewrite of the Cloud story in Defenders - Bobby was romantically interested in Cloud, a gender-fluid person (who I think was actually revealed to be a sentient nebula?) who could freely shift genders back and forth. I haven't read the Cloud story, so more knowledgeable people can correct me on the details, but I think at the time Bobby was interested in Cloud's female form and somewhat uncomfortable with their male form (because Bobby was supposedly "straight"), but that you could also interpret this as Bobby being in denial. Like I'm sure there's plenty of subtext to be found there.

So in X-Men 97 when the team is reunited Bobby finds himself getting along really well with Morph, they are vibing on the same wavelength, and this leads into little jokes like "You know I'd totally date you if you were a girl, ha ha," "Well, I CAN be a girl, ha ha" and Bobby becoming increasingly aware that he is actually attracted to Morph's more masculine form. Eventually they would get to banging, but it would be a dramatic mess, because both Morph and Iceman are walking disasters who use jokes to avoid talking about their feelings. Not to mention they are both sort of on the rebound from an ex or unrequited crush. (I can picture scenes where the two of them are making jokes to each other that get increasingly barbed, and the whole team is getting uncomfortable). Maybe Jean stages an intervention, not in a "Bobby, you're gay" way, but like "Obviously you two have some feelings for each other beyond friendship, you don't have to be a telepath to see that, maybe you should just explore those feelings without worrying about what is or isn't 'socially acceptable,' no one here is going to judge you." Or maybe Wolverine just steps in bluntly with "Hey, you two obviously wanna fuck, just do it already."

I mean, ideally I'd like Morph to move on from Wolverine pining with some kind of easy, idealized relationship, someone who immediately loves Morph just for who they are - but I also love the drama of an Iceman/Morph disaster relationship that gradually settles into something that makes them both happy. Morph's obviously got their own issues to work out - trauma and PTSD aside, they can only confess their feelings to Wolverine in Jean's form while Wolverine is unconscious. So both Iceman and Morph would be figuring things out together.

(Also, they'd both team up to annoy the shit out of Cyclops, like the snarky remarks would be endless.)

[early20sfailingplenty]

Your Vincent doesn’t believe he can be loved by reader headcanons heartbreaking to me, in my own little headcnaons reader and Vincent have a serious talk (maybe with the help of Bo and Lester) to sort of their feelings, and after they become on good terms with each other and recover from all the angst, they get together 🥹🥹

Those headcanons were tough for me to write, I was just writing down how I think Vincent would view me, but I just put "Vincent thinks" rather than "Erika thinks" 💔

YES, I 10000% agree, Bo and Lester would only put up with a few months of you & Vincent dancing around each other - though Bo is way more protective of his brother's feelings than he is of yours - before they stage an intervention.

They sit you and Vincent down with firm glares from Lester (the same look he gave Carly & Wade when they started being rude to him) and literal chest pokes from Bo which both serve to crowd you and Vincent into sitting down on the same sofa. Vincent almost dies once he realises that you're both occupying the same space in the same room; it's the closest the two of you have ever physically been with one another. Vincent is very grateful that his brothers did for him what he never would have been able to do for himself.

When Vincent confides in you that he thought you could never feel for him the way he does for you - it's hard for you to understand him because his hands are shaking so badly he keeps throwing them up into the air as if to erase what he had just signed before starting again - your heart breaks.

And when you confide the exact same sentiment in Vincent, that how could someone like him love someone like you, you hear him. You know that mmpf noise he made in the film when Paige jabbed that pole into his mask? Yeah, he makes the same noise here; it's like he's physically wounded by the fact that you've been eating yourself alive like this.

All in all, it takes a couple weeks after you and Vincent clear the air for the both of you to be ready to take the next step, but once you get together, Lester and Bo throw a very sarcastic but also very happy 'congratulations' party.

"Fuckin' finally," is a thought all four of you have; you and Vincent think it with relief, and Bo and Lester with the vague sense of accomplishment one feels when they have finished a time-consuming project.

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

Another OJV friendship that is my fav is Kenny and Kyle, I was wondering if you wanted to talk about them because I live for your Headcannons and tumblr extras 🤓

I ALSO live for the headcanons and tumblr extras and OK ORANGEJUICEVERSE KENNY AND KYLE LETS GOOOOOO!!!

So like, Kenny is EASILY styles closest friend other than each other. And OJV Ken is pretty much everyone’s go-to, like Stan running to him when he feels like he fucked up, Marj and Cartman knowing Kenny’s down with a scheme, but it’s a little different with Kyle.

Kyle is 100% the mom friend of the group. And the WHOLE REASON he’s like that with everybody is because growing up, he was the one to jump in as the voice of reason (especially when the Disaster Duo gets goin) and always took care of his people. And who needs taken care of the most? Kenny.

Kyle is CONSTANTLY scolding him for not taking care of himself, doing crazy shit, yes he’s amused by a lot of the antics, but when the logic takes the forefront, he’s all Sheila mode “DR PEPPER DOESNT COUNT AS WATER ESPECIALLY IF YOURE GOING TO A BLOOD DRIVE” “aw it’s fine Ky I got it covered” “no,” *throws a water bottle at him* “I’ve got YOU covered”

Kyle’s super supportive of Kenny’s career, too. That’s not only his bestie but also his metaphorical son. He is SO hyping up every new painting and sculpture, the first person Ken shows new work to bc not only is it gonna be a confidence boost, but Kyle will also have suggestions when he’s stuck.

Kenny, our darling chaotic comic relief friend who hides his own issues behind a grin and a joke and a guardian angel complex, is VERY protective of Kyle. Nearly as much as Stan is. OJV Kenny is a LITTLE GUY, even shorter than Kyle is, but he’s POWERFUL and has every creative solution to get the gang out of a bind, and he’s really friendly with everyone he meets, and people automatically open up to him. On top of that, he is REALLY good at reading people. Kenny’s super perceptive. He sees when someone in his found family has something going on, even before they say something. Ken was the first to be suspicious of what was going on with Ky in high school, brought it up to Stan, who said “I know dude. He’s stressed as shit but I don’t want to piss him off by telling him to relax”, like Kenny does people EXPERTLY; at 14 he knew it wasn’t his place to stage an ed intervention and knew he had to wait for Kyle to hit the point where he either hit rock bottom or came forward on his own.

On the note of Kenny’s emotional intelligence, I mean, come on. Artists in particular see creative solutions to problems, read the energy around us. And Kenny… oh my GOD that boy is a force to be reckoned with in strategy. Which is WHY he and Kyle are BANNED from teaming up in any game. They’re too powerful together. Poker? Fuckin forget about it those two are DESTROYING EVERYONE they are way too smart and between Kyle’s own abundant perceptiveness and Kenny’s people skills they’re not fucking around lmfao. I also find it extremely iconic that while both Ken and Stan are super smart, you put them together and they are sharing a singular brain cell, doing the dumbest shit, and Kyle is RIGHT THERE telling them off for it.

Kenny is so so incredibly thoughtful though too. He is absolutely the person you want to go to if you need a shoulder to cry on, and Kyle, who is the other person in the gang who gets relied on emotionally a lot, does go to him.

Thank u for the ask man live laugh love orange juice

[echo-goes-mmm]

Divine Intervention AU #9

Masterpost

Previous

Next

Warnings: none

Ambrose had transformed his fabric front door into a solid wooden one, and in hindsight that was a mistake. It was juicy bait to his more… nosy neighbors. 

“Ambrose!” called Emry from the door. “Open up, kiddo! We haven’t seen you in weeks!”

Ambrose sighed. He opened the door to find both Emry and Mael on his doorstep. Emry threw his arms around Ambrose. Okay, he couldn’t turn down one of Emry’s hugs. They were just so nice.

“It’s been a week, if that. And you’re not that much older than me.” 

“Oh, Ambrose,” said Mael, smiling. “You’re never going to win that one.”

“Mhm. What brings you both to visit?”

Emry grinned. “I heard you brought home a friend. Can I meet him? I brought a present!” He procured a stuffed mouse toy from his pocket.

“Emry, did you think I got a cat?” laughed Ambrose. Emry pouted.

“Well, Cato wasn’t really specific.”

“Does that mean I won?” interrupted Mael. He held up his hand, which had a dog chew in the shape of a bone. “I totally called it.”

“No way! Ambrose is totally a cat person,” argued Emry.

“Well, both of you are wrong. Elliot is a mortal. And yes, you can meet him, but he’s skittish, so tone it down a little. And no weapons!” Mael vanished his sword.

He led them inside, where Elliot was working on a jigsaw puzzle. He looked up at them, startled.

“Pet, this is Mael-” Mael waved- “and this is Emry. They’re friends of mine.”

“Well hi there, kiddo!” 

“Um. Hello.”

___________________

The two gods, Mael and Emry, looked very different from Cato and Ambrose. Their eyes were a normal brown and so was their hair. Mael was muscular and toned, and he looked like one of those old statues in his white and red toga. 

Emry was short for a god, and was the opposite of lean and lanky. He also wore a toga, but his was powder blue and he had freckles all over. 

Elliot wasn’t sure about Mael, but he immediately liked Emry. 

“I’m going to make some tea,” said Ambrose. He disappeared into the kitchen, leaving him alone with the others. Uh oh.

“So,” said Mael, flopping down on the couch. “Where ya from?”

“Uh. Azoth, sir,” He made a face.

“Don’t be rude, Mael,” Emry chastised. “I’m sure it’s a very nice place.”

“It’s a slaver’s country, Emry.”

“Oh.” 

Emry sat on the nearest armchair. “How did you meet Ambrose?”

“I was about to be sacrificed on his altar, and he didn’t want me to die.” 

“Oh.”

They lapsed into silence. 

“So do you like living here?” asked Mael.

“Yes. It’s very nice. I like the koi pond,” he said.

“Oh!” exclaimed Mael, “I conjured that. The fountain took a bit of work but I think I blended the stone in well. What do you think of the colors on the fish? I picked the color pallet from mortal fish of course-” Mael went on about the fish as Ambrose brought in the tea.

“He can go on for hours,” stage-whispered Ambrose. Emry snorted into his cup.

“Hey!” said Mael, in what was clearly mock-offense. “He brought it up.”

“It’s a very nice pond, sir. And the fish are very pretty.”

Mael beamed. “At least someone appreciates what I do.”

“We all love your creations, hun,” said Emry. He turned to Elliot. “I’m glad you’re here. It’s nice to see Ambrose making new friends.”

Ambrose sputtered. “I have plenty of friends!”

“I didn’t mean that,” said Emry, “just that you don’t branch out much. You don’t see the gods outside our little villa very often, and you restrict yourself to the people who come to your temple.” Ambrose frowned.

 “Not that there’s anything wrong with that!” he added.

“Nice save, Emry,” said Mael, dryly.

They chatted over his head for a while, and they did include him in conversation, but Elliot just wanted to do the puzzle Ambrose had gotten him. But he was polite, and soon enough Master Ambrose’s friends left.

Master poured himself another cup of tea, and sat quietly for a while as Elliot worked on the puzzle.

“What are you thinking about?” said Ambrose.

“Not much,” he said. But there was something Emry had said that stuck in his mind. He called the place they were living in a “little villa”. And there were even more gods outside of it. He shuddered at the thought. If Ambrose didn’t know all of them, like Emry said, there was nothing between him and getting snatched up.

“Master?”

“Hm?” 

“Could… could I have a collar?” Please say yes, he thought. Master Ambrose put down the teacup. Bad sign.

“Why would you want a collar?” Master uncrossed his ankles, leaning towards him.

“I- I just.” He took a deep breath. “Um. There’s a lot of people around.” He fidgeted with the puzzle pieces. 

“Do you feel unsafe?” asked Ambrose.

“A little,” he admitted. “Not everybody knows I’m yours.”

Master hummed. “And will a collar help you feel safe?”

Was this a trick question?

“I think so? I could take it off if- if it doesn’t work.”

“Well… I suppose I did promise you could wear whatever you wanted. If you want a collar, I’ll get you one.”

___________________

Ambrose thought it over. He wouldn’t go back on his word, it wouldn’t be fair. Some part of him worried what the others might think, but fuck it. They knew Ambrose better than anyone, and Cato probably already knew he was Elliot’s Master. He overheard Elliot tell Mael and Emry that he was both a sacrifice and from a slaver’s country. It didn’t take a genius to guess what that meant.

No one would think poorly of Ambrose if Elliot started wearing a collar. And aside from Mael, his brother Maelys, or maybe Valerian, no one would comment on it. 

If Elliot wanted a collar, Ambrose would get him the best damn collar he could conjure.

___________________

It took a few tries to get it right, but Ambrose was confident Elliot would like it. Soft black leather with a fur lining, it would be comfortable. He made the brass buckle as lightweight as possible, and there was a brass o-ring in front. It was a collar, after all.

 He did take the liberty of making the stitching a burnt yellow, so it would blend better with the black. Yellow was his color, and with the serpent sigil carved into the leather, no one could claim they didn’t know Elliot was under his care.

Hopefully it would help Elliot feel protected.

“Treasure,” he called, before stepping into the room, “I got you a present.”

Elliot looked up from his bowl of pasta. His eyes focused in on the leather in Ambrose’s hand. He put down the fork.

___________________ 

“Is that for me? Really?” he whispered. 

“Of course.” Ambrose sat in the chair next to him. Elliot looked closely at it. A snake was carved into the side, and it was so pretty. Intricate and detailed, he could see each scale, and the brass of the ring and buckle was so shiny. Master looped the leather around Elliot’s neck. It was so soft on the inside. Master Ambrose’s fingers brushed the nape of his neck as he fastened the collar.

“How is it?” he asked. He slipped two fingers underneath to test the fit. “Not too tight?”

“It’s perfect, Master. Thank you.”

taglist: @cupcakes-and-pain @secretwhumplair @paintedpigeon1 @whump-blog @whump-em @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @starfields08000 @littlespacecastle @mylovelyme @whump-cravings @zeewbee @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @fanastyfinder @roblingoblin285

[whatisreggieshortfor]

Regret It

Aran x gn!reader

“There can only be one screw up in the family and I’m already here. Get yourself together.”

Aran was shocked when he heard those words leave your lips, but you seemed unbothered as you laughed, phone still pressed between your shoulder and ear as you looked over the team’s training schedule.

“Of course they expect more from you, to them I blew off work for some big company with bonuses to manage a bunch of sweaty dudes. Do I regret it? Well…”

As the door to your office shut softly behind you, Aran found himself hoping and praying for you to step back out. Could it be possible that you regretting signing on to manage their team? You made sure to clean Sakusa’s things separate, using the soap and laundry sanitizer he preferred. You could pull Bokuto out of emo modes so fast that most of the guys would just call you without trying to help themselves. You handled Miya’s ego, could keep Hinata and Kageyama from letting their school age feud leads to fights now. You regularly had to moderate Suna’s online presence, ensure that there were no PR disasters. You were exhausted all the time, you had to stay until the overworking players finally finished and had to show up at dawn to let the early arrivals into the gym, there were times he was convinced you had snapped awake at your desk when he knocked to come in. But you never complained.

You were an integral part of the team being successful, there were no two ways about it.

But if you regretted taking this job, where would that leave them? They would never find someone as good at it as you were, they’d never find someone as dedicated.

And moreso, what would happen to the two of you? Sure, you weren’t together, but Aran felt like you were getting close. You’ve had coffee together, dinner. He knew Atsumu referred to it as the talking stage, the setter claimed it wasn’t passed that until he finally kissed you. But he was afraid to take that step, worried that he may have misunderstood what he saw as flirting on your part. He didn’t want to make the move and be another reason you regretted taking this job if you were just being friendly.

So instead he did what he could.

He called the team in for a meeting, explained the situation as he saw it, and together the team came up with ways to ease your load.

Sakusa started taking his things home, washing them himself no matter how much you promised he didn’t have to.

Komori and Yaku took over Bokuto’s emo mode, never once asking for your aide even when it was offered. They took longer than you would, but it was a fair trade off to them.

Iwa kept Atsumu in check when he needed to be, his long-standing practice with Oikawa lending a hand in knowing what to say and how to act.

Ushijima stepped in whenever Hinata and Kageyama got too close to a boiling point, never choosing one side or the other as he logically acknowledged what each of them said.

Suna stopped recording as much, knowing that if posted anything that the publicity team didn’t like then you’d be the one hearing about.

Aran, for his part, kept an eye on all of them. He started getting up earlier to unlock the gym, staying later so you wouldn’t have to. He was so worried about taking the burden from you that he didn’t even realize how often he missed a text from you because he wasn’t as accustomed to the multitasking that you excelled in.

But what didn’t occur to any of them was how you’d feel about the changes in your routine. Because while they felt like they were helping, easing your load, you started feeling like they didn’t need you.

You couldn’t figure out why Sakusa would snag his things out of your hands like you were dirtying them.

You didn’t understand why Bokuto no longer wanted your help, you had thought there was a bond between you from all the times he sought you out.

Atsumu behaved fine without your intervention now, even though you felt like Iwa’s tough love was too tough sometimes, but the setter never complained to you, so you stayed away.

Ushijima seemed to be a better mediator than you ever were, keeping the two of them in line and on the right side of their friendly rivalry.

You no longer had to check Suna’s phone, because with everyone taking care of the others it was like there was no longer an excitement for him to pull out his phone to record.

And with your new free time came less communication. Your friends on the team didn’t reach out as much, Aran didn’t respond as much or as quickly as he used to. That’s probably the bit that hurt you the most as the days seemed to dragged on until suddenly it had been weeks. You had really believed he liked you, but now it was like you had just been convenient.

They didn’t need you anymore, maybe they just didn’t want you either.

Kuroo sighed, waiting as the players filled the seats in the conference room in a mess of loud noises lacking coordination. When they finally settled down, he gave them a solemn look, “I wanted you guys to be the first to know, but Y/N has tendered their resignation to me.”

“WHAT!?” He couldn’t be sure which players yelled it, too many voices drowning each other out as they started arguing, but he pushed on.

“I don’t know what’s been going on, all I can say for certain is that something has changed in the last few weeks.” He frowned as he looked at them, “Y/N said they weren’t needed anymore. Said you guys must’ve figured out how you needed to cover the things they helped with.”

“This isn’t what was supposed to happen…” Aran muttered to himself, weren’t they supposed to be helping you? “Have you turned it over to the Olympic Committee yet? Give me a chance to get them to withdraw the resignation.”

Kuroo shook his head, “I’ve known Y/N a lot of years. Seen them manage all different types of players. I know they can handle all kinds of issue. It makes me wonder what happened, so I thought I’d let you guys explain. Maybe we can figure it out and get Y/N to reconsider.”

So Aran explained what he heard, the assumptions he’d made, just like he did for the team. In hindsight, he should’ve just asked you what was too much.

“Please reconsider.” You looked up from where you were emptying your desk, the box momentarily forgotten as you looked at the outside hitter standing in the doorway. “We don’t want to you to leave.”

“You guys don’t need me.” You smiled softly, sadly, “You’ve made it clear.”

“You’re wrong.” Aran said quickly, taking a step toward you. He needed to fix the damage he caused. He couldn’t lose you like this, not because he tried to fix a problem that didn’t exist when he should’ve talked to you instead. “We would be a mess without you. I just- I talked the guys into picking up their own slack. I heard you on the phone one day, when someone asked if you regretted taking the job here. I realized how much pressure we put on you.”

“I like the pressure.” You offered, shaking your head with a smile, “Yeah, it’s a lot. Yeah, I get exhausted and overwhelmed sometimes. But it’s still me doing my part. I like meeting Sakusa’s particular needs, I like helping Bokuto get back to himself so he can annoy you guys, I like being someone you guys feel like you can depend on. If you had heard all of it, you’d have heard me say that I’ve never regretted the decision to come here. But more than all of that…” you took a deep breath, taking his hand in yours as you stared into his eyes, “More than all of that, I like you. I like how close we’ve gotten because of the job I do, I like knowing that I make a difference in your day.”

Pressing a kiss to your forehead, Aran leaned back to take your face in his free hand, “So stay here. Do the job the way it’s done best- by you. Don’t make it a regret by leaving.”

“Fine,” You chuckled, a mischievous glint in your eye, “on one condition.”

“Anything.” He answered, just holding your face in his hands like it was something precious.

“Finally kiss me?”

Well, who was he to say no to that?

Masterlist

[granulesofsand]

Do you have any tips for deprogramming, specifically fighting against silencing programs? We’ve reached a weird part where it seems like it’s impossible to continue and we can’t see a way forward with how to fight against the physical silencing that’s happening.

🗝️🏷️ RAMCOA, programming and deprogramming

It depends on how urgently you need to get around it. Undoing the silence is different than squeezing past it, and both have their place in the process.

We often spend some time decompressing, abiding by the silence. This lets the one(s) who enforce the program calm down a bit, get out of the hyperarousal state that keeps them activating it.

When they’re less jumpy, we can ask what happened to turn on the silence. Usually it’s something we did, internally getting too close to blocked memories or externally disclosing information the system wasn’t ready to. Sometimes it’s environmental, someone inside getting triggered by similarities to trauma time or current contact by abusers.

Once you know how the silence was brought on, you can negotiate with enforcers to turn it down or off. Let them know about your external life, how it’s become safer with distance or deprogramming. Talk about your values, and why this program doesn’t align with those values. Encourage them to take part in daily living, eventually giving them the option to breakaway from rules they were given.

If it’s taking too long — because you’re in danger or have reason to disclose right now, not because cooperation is difficult — ask them whether you could write instead, or draw, or talk to someone outside you can demonstrate is safe.

They’re likely to be fearful, and their fear may be mixed with anger or shame or dependence. They might not want to communicate at first, and it’s up to you to show up anyway. Present stability, acceptance, and care. It’s okay if you have other emotions, too, but you should process those away from them; it’s like external children, they’re dependent on you now, not the other way around.

Some of them might be able to build reciprocity, but others are likely developmentally young and/or heavily traumatized. They need support before they can give it.

You might all be at a similar stage of needing more than you can give. If that’s true, different insiders can take turns giving and receiving. You can make it circular — leaving out the ones who can’t give at all — where each of you tends to someone and has someone to tend to you.

We like to do the support circles with our subgroups first, then have groups arrange themselves into support circles.

There might be a few insiders who can take on more caregiving, and they might be partnered with others who can’t do any caregiving. Both ends of the partnerships should try to fit into circles to some extent, and the circles should gain nodes and connections to resemble more of a support network than just two lines of communication for everyone.

Building those support networks allows for more relationships in the system, and those receiving support will begin to branch out with time. They’re simultaneously getting care and learning to interact healthily with other system members, and those two things facilitate deprogramming better than any intervention we’ve tried. Changing programmed behavior comes naturally once you have internal community.

You also mentioned physicality, which might mean you have to work through the memories that manifest symptoms in your body. Memory work is about the last stage of deprogramming (with resolution as the true finale), and insiders changing behaviors can stop the somatic symptoms.

If insiders agree to make a program stop, you might have to put away memories before you can process them. We use boxes to assemble memories and books to store them, and you might already have an archive of sorts where programs are stored. You can use any method that works for you, but with the understanding that the memories will have to be processed eventually.

Memories that sit too long might leak, and memories with missing pieces often resurface as flashbacks while your brain tries to integrate them into storage.

Completing the whole task takes time. Start with giving space and inquiring about cause, then move to negotiation. Once the silence is less of a problem, you can figure out why the program exists and work through the training memories. Either way, you’ll get there, and you should celebrate every step of the way.

[annymation]

I reread the backstory of the villains and at the end you mentioned that Amaya is Persephone and Magnifico is Hades (from Disney). I was wondering which of the ancient Greek gods (or other characters from Greek mythology) do you associate Asha and Aster with?

So I kept looking for greek love stories with happy endings... And as ya'll can imagine that's a pointless endeavor, most are tragedies, and the few happy ones we do have don't fit with Asha and Aster.

So instead I decided to just pick greek characters that remind me of Asha and Aster, regardless of who those loved.

I'd say Asha reminds me most to Medea

Now hear me out, I know what you're thinking (If you're familiar with her myth)

"But Anny! Medea killed people!"

Yeah yeah I know, that's not what gives me Asha vibes in her, quick summary for those who don't know:

Medea was a princess, that fell in love with a "hero" named Jason

(She only fell in love with him because Hera made her fall in love with him, so she would help him survive the many trials her father was putting him through, Jason was like Hera's champion, that's why she gave him this lil intervention)

So Jason took Medea home with him, after she literally saved his life, and they had two kids together. But later, Jason decided he wanted to marry another princess, like, one still in power instead of Medea that was a run away princess.

Medea obviously got furious that her husband would marry someone else just for the perks. But she didn't just sit down and took it like many other maidens in greek mythology would, nuh-uh, she started plotting her revenge.

She elaborated a plan to kill both their kids and Jason's new girlfriend, through clever scheming and also potions- because did I mention she makes potions? Yeah turns out Medea was also a big inspiration for me when writing Amaya, she's kinda my favorite girl in greek mythology.

So WHY does she reminds me of Asha? Well simple, Asha stood up against injustice and did everything she possibly could to outwit the villains and had plenty of moments where her quick thinking saved her by a hair (Flashback to the climax of Kingdom of Wishes). Asha plans things out and speaks her mind, she and Medea are both strong, not physically, but in their wit.

I guess I could also compare her to Ariadne since she was also clever by helping Theseus escape the minotaur labyrinth, buuuuut Ariadne isn't as cool as Medea, like come on, at the end of the classical stage play she RIDES HELIOS FLYING CHARIOT LIKE A FREAKIN GODDESS JUST TO TAUNT JASON!!! SAYING SHE TOOK EVERYTHING FROM HIM!!! THEN SHE PROPHESIZES HE'LL DIE ALONE!!!! AND THAT THE GODS ARE ON HER SIDE!!! BECAUSE HES A LYING LIL OATH BREAKER!!!

Anyway, it gives me the vibes of Asha flying on her hand drawn flying carpet to defeat Magnifico and Amaya, and then saying "No one believes your lies anymore" while they're being turned into stone, she's just a badass like that.

As for Aster, maybe it's the Epic: The Musical fan in me talking, but eh, Odyseus.

Simply because I can totally see Aster going through hell and back to find Asha, the same way Odyseus did for Penelope, and also because I can see him being dumb enough to give his full name and address to a cyclops he just blinded. But as more and more shenanigans happen (And by that I mean most of his army freaking dying) he becomes more willing to be more ruthless for the sake of his men that are left and so they can go back home, similar to how Aster matured and even got a lil sadistic in the end there when he decided to turn the villains into stone.

Alternatively, I could also let the Hadestown fan in me win and say he reminds me of Orpheus, but that makes me too sad, considering what happens to Orpheus and Eurydice in the end. Let's say if you cut Orpheus turning to look back, yeah that relationship is very Aster and Asha vibes.

@superkooku you like greek mythology right? Do you have other ideas?