#someone halpppppp

[portraitofcas]

me when i cant tell when people are being sarcastic or not. 😞

[lintzhope]

(1/5)So sorry in advance for this long ask!!! Thanks for your answer/thought on the previous ask. I was giggling/smiling the whole time I read it. You are very good with your words! Sorry but I'll be bothering you with more asks, hope you don't mind 😬 or you can just ignore it Ok so can we talk more about their reunion in S4. What do you think Maggie was feeling/thinking when she first saw Sydney again in the ICU. Yup you did point out that she had that cute giant smile on.

(2/5) But beside happy what other feelings are there? I love how she answers Sydney with “well you’re here” (her puppy face when she says it

(3/5) And the scene when they were walking in the hallway to see Nicola, first thing Maggie asks Sydney was “hot dates”, about her love life. But Sydney didn’t tell her about the girlfriend with this question but talk about her family, not until later when Maggie asks about postponing her move. It feels to me like Sydney was avoiding to tell Maggie about the girlfriend. And Maggie face look so heartbroken when she learned about it.

(4/5)And the sending off scene. When Sydney told Maggie about her being the only “almost” and “and I do think about you Maggie”, I notice that Maggie was about to say something but seems like she’s fighting herself internally to not say anything to keep Sydney from her girlfriend. But but but then she kisses her!! Ohh and meaning to ask “I owed you one” what she’s referring to? As in a surprise kiss?

(5/5) Ohh and would you be able to pinpoint the moment that Maggie realizes that she has some feeling for Sydney. For Sydney it was the “all things are ready if our minds be so” moment. Thanks!!! Sorry Lintz had consumed my life for the past weeks and I just need to get it out, need someone to talk to!!! Halpppppp!!! Cheerio

I don’t mind one bit! Below you shall find my thoughts. Spreading Lintz love. It’s a tad long mind you.

Hmmm….Let’s look back a little before Dr Katz made her comeback. In 4x09 Maggie was treating Shelby Hart, and coincidentally her obstetrician is none other than our favourite Katz. The husband mentions to his wife that “Dr Katz will be here soon” which takes a little while for Maggie to process, pretty sure her heart misses a beat before her mind processes the name. (And it may be due to her epidural hematoma, that’s slowing down her mental processes but that look on her face when he mentions Dr Katz, tells me that it’s not just the epidural bleeding that’s causing her to shut down a bit). She confirms “Sydney Katz?”, and then gives a little nod when said Doctor was confirmed. But that nod wasn’t for the husband, but in fact I believe it was for herself, in preparation of the prospect of once again seeing her again. Kind of like a mild form of Iktsuarpok, where there’s anticipation but along with it anxiousness and uncertainty. In hindsight, now that we know that Maggie has always “wondered what it would be like to be with [Sydney]”, we can possible deduct that at that moment Maggie was sort of in a sense fearful yet hopeful mindset. Because she gets to see Sydney, but how will that turn out, and how is she meant to deal with this nagging, delirious feeling that keeps messing up her head and keeps her from thinking properly.  

So then she turns into a ghost, and that’s when the audience gets a glimpse of what’s holding her back, of what she’s thinking of, what’s keeping her from battling death, and what the most important thing is in her life. We learn that she’s lost, has no direction, and nothing to live for if not a surgeon. To top it off, she doesn’t even know herself, who she was and what the plot line is in her life. She’s empty and lost.

Knowing this, we can assess Maggie’s reaction when she first sees Sydney. Now, she knew Sydney was coming due to her brief talk with Shelby Hart’s husband and during that time alone before her arrival and after everyone’s visit, I’m pretty sure her mind wandered to Sydney amongst all other things that involved finding out who she was and what she wanted in herself. Now when Sydney arrives, Maggie has a brief moment of surprise as indicative of her first words, “Dr Katz, as I live and breathe.” - A phrase which expresses surprise upon an encounter with someone. She’s surprised. She’s surprised?  

Maggie’s surprised because despite her knowing Sydney would be at Hope Zion for Shelby Hart, she possibly didn’t even entertain the idea that Sydney would come to see her. That Sydney would search for her. Isn’t that kinda…tragic. She didn’t think Sydney would care enough to visit her at the ICU. But who can she blame, Sydney left her, left Hope Zion and with no contact thereafter. Maggie only got to hear of Sydney from secondary sources, and only then she only ever got to hear her name, nothing more. They basically had no ties left, only these lingering, desiderated feelings and rapid palpitations every time she thought of her or when her name was mentioned. The only ties that were left were memories, and those tugs within her heart. And yet, now she got to see her again.  

And just that, the first glance of Sydney brings Maggie to a full blown smile, a smile I don’t think I’ve seen for quite some time. (Or I may just be bias.) But indeed at that moment, she was simply happy. This euphoric feeling so contrastingly different from what she was feeling when she was in between worlds, and also an entirely different happy to when she first woke up and joked with Alex and received welcome backs from her friends. That was a sort of, welcome back for Maggie.  

This was a welcome back from Maggie to Sydney. In fact, a contrast, when she first woke up and saw Alex, Maggie asked if “am I okay?”, and of course that is the most reasonable thing to ask when you wake up but for comparison’s sake, in this scene, before Sydney finishes her sentence “I thought…”, she interjects and reassures her that she’s fine. Even Sydney questions how she could make this glass half full. Then, the breath-taking answer, “well, you’re here.” Breathtaking – because Maggie literally has to take a deep breath before it to steady herself, to ready herself, and say what she honestly feels. There is no impish, cheeky tone to it. It’s exactly how she feels, that basically the glass will always be full with Sydney around, because how can it not be, even when faced with death just moments before and in the ICU (where nothing is steady, bleeding or other complications may occur again and close monitoring is required) she sees something worth it all; because it brings her Sydney Katz. (Like you said, she can take on the world.) Also breathtaking - because Dr Katz was left speechless for a bit before exhaling a breath she didn’t even know she was holding probably and replying with a ‘I am’, while her eyes darts from Maggie’s honest and straightforward gaze. Because she had to suppress it, this, this, this impending time bomb, and Maggie wasn’t doing any favours by being so adorable and honest. She has a girlfriend, after all. Then the “It’s so good to see you,” in which Sydney doesn’t respond verbally, just the little nods, and in addition her smile slowly lessens and it seems there’s so much that Sydney wants to say but can’t.  

What I love about Maggie, she asks how Shelby Hart is doing, that fact that she thinks about her patients after everything she’s been through tells me a story of a wonderful doctor.  

At this point, I don’t think Maggie entertained the idea of a relationship, it just wasn’t in her mind then, the growing layers of complexity revolving around what she feels towards Sydney Katz escapes her at this point and I believe she’s just appreciating and bathing in this burst of happiness to have Sydney there with her. It’s a simple and pure scene, I believe. Both of them just gazing into each other’s eyes, just appreciating one another, really, really appreciating one another because it was so close, so close to being the end. Nothing more is wanted or needed. This is when I believe Maggie unknowingly falls deeper in love with Sydney. This is when Maggie realises those longing ardent feeling of feeling like she’s lost something all points towards Sydney. That ‘Stay’ will always be my favourite scene because a single word can paint a landscape of novels and Sydney’s voiceless compliance as she follows their hand with her eyes. The action where Dr Katz watches their linked hands, then looks up to focus her attention on Maggie just gets me. She feels something, something she can’t deny, something that’s so very incredibly strong.  

Ah yes, the wonderful 4x12 – the episode where Maggie tries every word combination she can to get Sydney to stay without using the word ‘stay’ again. “You’re back so soon after the accident, are you sure you’re alright to work?” - “ I rather be here with headaches than serving daytime television” - in which my head canon sees this as her loving her job but also  "Headaches and all, I get to see you here (and who knows how long because you’re leaving again – to Tel Aviv), rather than in my head at home, in which I try to drown with daytime television - which by the way is not working.“ At some point that night in 4x10 or after, they must’ve had a conversation with Maggie ultimately asking if Sydney was going to stay, in which Sydney must’ve told her that she was leaving to Israel soon and during the time she spent recuperating at home, I am led to believe that Maggie couldn’t get Sydney out of her mind. (nothing new). Now, whatever hope that Maggie had of starting something with Sydney, was thrown out the window when she learnt Sydney was going to leave again.

Thereby leading me to this line “They’ve missed you. I have too.” (during their walk to Nicola). Maggie’s smile kinda drops after that line, and something seems to be going through her mind. Perhaps something like “right, obviously, because you’re leaving to Israel soon.” A little sarcasm. Ha. Okay, to the hot dates convo. Well, when you ask someone you like, if they have someone they like it’s usually an indirect protective question to see if you have a chance. But also in this case, Maggie played a crucial part in Sydney’s self acceptance and coming out and the question is also a sort of acknowledgement of that new step and change in Sydney’s life. Sydney’s answer, yeah is a sort of diversion from the question where she answers with a short “not really” and proceeds to talk about her family. But perhaps, her girlfriend didn’t really enter her mind at this point yet, because the question posed as a sort of needed reassurance of Sydney’s life, if it was okay now that she’s accepted she’s gay and Sydney got that and thus talked about the biggest change in her life after her coming out and that is – her family, her community, her religion. And that is what she talked about because that was the most important to her and the ultimate/ primary source of her trepidation and struggle to admit she liked girls in the first place.  

Then, when Maggie asks her to stay by asking why she doesn’t postpone her move for the sake of her patient, she answers her girlfriend is waiting for her – in an indifferent manner, making it seem like it isn’t a big thing (but indeed it is because she’s telling the girl she’s trying to suppress feelings for about the girl she’s with) and then leaves no further space for conversation as she enters the room straight after. Maggie, oh Maggie looks dazed and taken aback but then that expression after tells me that she’s already accepted it because ‘of course, she didn’t mean much to Dr Katz, afterall.’  

Okay, so let’s skip to the 4x12 send off scene. Aha, I rewatched this scene so many times. Lol. And there’s one thing that always makes me smile, that heavy audible breath she takes after Sydney tells her “You’re the only almost I think about. And I do think about you Maggie.” She does that quite often with Sydney, it just, it paints a picture really, how much she’s affected by Syd, how much she makes her feel, how deep these feelings for Sydney are intertwined with her physical systems. It leaves her speechless. I don’t think she found the right words to say given the situation and Katz leaving for who knows how long.  

So she conveys all these feelings into a kiss. A kiss, a long kiss, mouth closed, eyes closed, savouring-the-feeling kind of kiss. A pure, innocent kiss that conveys everything Maggie wants to say but can’t. A kiss that references back to their first one. ‘I owed you one’ - standing as evidence of said reference, to their surprise first kiss. Maggie thinking that this will be their last kiss. So it only makes sense that she would want to remind Sydney and herself of their first kiss, of their memories, of what they’ve been through, of the almost that could’ve been but didn’t. A innocent kiss as their first and an innocent kiss as what Maggie believes is their last.  (Hearing the kiss as well, gave a sort of raw, real feeling that kind of felt like finality in a sense)

Almost is a pretty tragic word – so close yet so far. And I believe that’s what they both felt about each other. Of what they both convinced themselves to be, especially Sydney.  

And that look, from Maggie as she watches Sydney leave through the doors of Hope Zion is all too much. Every fiber in her being is screaming for Sydney to stay but she knows she can’t but unlike before she knows that she meant something to Sydney, someone Syd thought about, someone Syd cared about, but that she was still not enough for Sydney to stay and so it took all her mental power to not stop Sydney from leaving. Because who was she to stop Sydney from discovering herself, from finding out what she was living for. Maggie of all people should know how suffocating it is to not know who you are, or what in life you were searching for. She knows how this feels so how can she stop Sydney, no matter how much she wanted to, she couldn’t.  

(Then in 4x13, we see Maggie a mess, with her leopard print underwear and everything. - There is no way that scene doesn’t point to her tossing and turning every night thinking about Sydney.)  

“All things are ready if the mind be so.” - When Sydney finally looked at Maggie. Liked really saw her and started to understand her. She was impressed. The moment it started. I see that too. For me, I don’t think she realised she had feelings for Maggie until her mental wires kinda got loose and she dived in for that surprise kiss before her mind rewired and caught up with what she was doing. I think she surprised herself. And after, she tried to deny her feelings and yet how could she if Maggie kept persisting her about the kiss. But the thing is despite all that denial, she cares about Maggie as more than a girl she crushes but as a person and as a doctor as evident by her adamant attitude towards Maggie’s studies towards her boards.  

I think from the beginning that burst of assertiveness and intense personality laced with rare hints of jokes was something that Maggie didn’t know she needed. But it was, for her to grow up as a person and as a doctor. At the same time Maggie’s personality, her kindness and carefree mentality is what compliments Sydney so well and what Sydney needed as well, despite her not knowing. (the kiss as a physical representation for that). From the beginning there was some kind of feeling there for Katz, invisible but there and it grew extensively after the kiss, and more as she gets to learn about Sydney. To pinpoint is hard for Maggie, but it’s obvious their night together meant a great deal to her, especially when we see Maggie getting a bit hurt when Sydney hands her the crab voucher thing, and that’s why she rejects it I believe. Then we see a sort of longing expression throughout the Hershel episode and the heartwarming chuckle/smile at the end when Maggie consoles Sydney after she comes out to Hershel. I just think Maggie’s feelings has always been there, though hard to see at times. But like I mentioned before, for me when Maggie really falls deep is when she sees Sydney in 4x10, something major clicked within her as soon as she saw Sydney again, something she silently confirmed to herself, perhaps that when Syd was with her, she didn’t feel lost anymore.  (yet couldn’t dare to acknowledge after knowing Syd was leaving again), The fact is Maggie has always been a romantic it seems, she just needed to right person to be romantic to. 

Hahah an essay for a long ask. I apologise for making you read this much, if you do get to the end haha. I enjoyed this, hope you do too. I’m not sure if I answered all your questions… Thank you for conversing with me about Lintz. No ask is too long. So much fun. Hahhahh Cheerio indeed.