#someone feed her!!!!!! she is not meeting growth milestones!!!!!!

[sillimancer]

what do you mean dua lipa and megan thee stallion are the same age

[unseeliefaelass]

Darksiders: Origins

Chapter 4: Growing Up Fast

Ale worked extra hard to aid in the growth of the infants. The others grew into toddlers within months, and Ale of course wanted to let them explore the world more at this time. Absalom being ever loyal however, asked Lilith about the matter. She agreed upon it, but only so that she didn't have to teach them the basics.

Lilith did give one condition though, "Ale will not teach them to walk or speak. I'll only entrust this important task to you. As their growth is becoming faster each day, I'll need to prepare for when they're big enough for training to begin."

"Of course Mother, but..when will they be 'big enough' as you say?", Absalom inquired.

"Don't worry my child, time is moving fast for them and us. They will be ready soon. Though admittedly I'm surprised the littlest one is still alive. Much more that you keep trying despite the much slower progress he's making."

Absalom stood up from his seat, "Ale has said to keep up faith in him. It's hard sure, but I have seen progress. That's good enough reason to keep trying for now."

Lilith snickered, "Ehehmhmhmhmhm. Be at ease now, I could never cause you grief."

Nodding, Absalom headed away to see how Ale was managing things. She already had Menahem out for the day and was trying to encourage him to crawl around. He was mainly interested in the Limts sniffing at him though.

Absalom nearly pulled out his axe upon seeing them before Ale raised a gentle hand, "Steady now. These Limts won't hurt him. They're just little rodents is all, besides there's no dragon crystals around for them to eat and go feral over."

"What?"

"Oh nothing. Just know Menahem is safe and fine. I've been trying to teach him to crawl, but he's been wanting to say hi to the Limts." Ale assured him.

Absalom looked down at the diminutive creatures, "Very...fluffy. Though, why are they here?"

"My kin and I make our clothes from their fur. To obtain it we keep domestic groups and sheer them when it's appropriate. Their fur grows back quickly too, so there's nothing for them to worry about in the cold climate here."

"Uhm...well...I see. May I try coaxing him to crawl?"

"Of course. Just bare in mind he's a little slow to respond. Wondering if maybe it's a sensory overload." Ale tells him.

"Well..we'll just have to work on that then."

Absalom then crouched down and tried getting Menahem's attention. Snapping his fingers when speaking didn't work much. Ale cocked her head at his impatience but let him keep trying as best he could. Eventually he waved his hand in front of Menahem's face. Finally the child looked toward his older brother curiously. After a nervous few moments Menahem finally slowly made his way to Absalom. Crawling slowly but steadily as he moved forward.

Absalom scooped him up once he finally made it to his hands, "There we are, not so hard now is it?"

Menahem only cooed in response before yawning. Absalom just shrugged and handed him to Ale. She giggled, then stood up to return Menahem to his pod to sleep. From there she worked on getting his pod and the others into tip top shape. Absalom helped where he could, having been taught to by Ale.

Once Menahem was put into his pod though, Absalom warned Ale, "Be careful how long you keep them out for. She is..watching very closely you know."

"I know, but I truly feel it's been helping. At least with Menahem anyway. I'll admit I'm a little excited about teaching him things like walking."

"Actually Ale....Lilith has asked me to handle teaching them to walk and talk. She doesn't want you involved in that process."

Ale's eyes quickly widened in shock before they settled just as fast. Ale knew Lilith already didn't like her much. Her spending all this time around the little ones likely wasn't helping things either. Whilst she could understand Lilith's reasons and that Absalom would likely do fine enough, she was still a bit upset. Her ears barely drooping as Ale fought to force them to stay perked as she gave the same smile she always had, "I see...well I'll still attend to my duties as needed. Even if I'll be missing out on an important milestone. But I understand Lilith's...concerns, and thus I shall abide by her wishes. I was commissioned after all, and as the provider of service I'd best do as was promised."

Absalom was certain she was hiding something, but couldn't be sure. He ultimately chose to speak to Llildan about it. The old rabbit only sighed heavily upon being informed of the situation. Approaching Ale later that day whilst she was caring for the Limts outside. Feeding and grooming them all for their excess fluff. She didn't trim them this time, only brushed them thoroughly.

She was on the final Limt as Llildan came up, "I warned you to not look too useful."

"And I have abided by that much. Lilith just isn't fond of me, though that is putting it lightly I'm sure."

Llildan's eyes narrowed, their red glow intensifying a slight, "I've no doubt she'll kill you one day if you keep going above and beyond as you are now."

Ale's eyes glanced his way, "I'm remaining alert."

"Not nearly enough girl. Not if she's continued to notice you and is simmering over it. I'm serious Ale, you're overdoing it. And you're really REALLY pushing your luck."

"I'll be fine. I'm aware she doesn't want me teaching them to talk or walk, probably other basics too. And I intend to follow her wishes. I just know the smallest one needs the most attention as of this time. Hence why I bring him out often, to ensure he's doing well and growing as best he can. Is that truly so wrong if I have proof it's helped him?"

"Atari I beg you please, reconsider this."

"Don't worry Ceiser, I'll be as mindful as possible. That said I still have a task at hand." Ale expressed as she let the little critter on her lap down.

Llildan sighed as she walked away, but ultimately returned to his own work at his main console inside. He tried working without worry, but overtime things became overwhelming. His hand instinctively moved for the dial on his head, but paused halfway in hesitation. The hand shook as he tried to force things, but in the end gave up. After a moment of quiet, yet heavy breathing; Llildan glanced at a hole on the console's rim. It was shaped as a crystal, and he knew for what crystal specifically. Sighing under his breath, he looked throughout the room before finding it. A plain, clear crystal with not a single chip or imperfection upon it. He held it to his chest for but a moment before seemingly reconsidering his current choice. Yet again he hesitated in placing it back down, but his heart won once more. He brought the crystal to the hole and placed it carefully within. Upon that placement, the console whirred to life before displaying a projection of his memories. This crystal in particular holding the ones of his wife, Shel and Ale as a little girl. He watched each image and passing memory silently, as what emotions he seemingly had left began flooding in. Llildan didn't know when the tears had started, but was unamused at finally noticing them. His hand once again went to his dial, stopping just short of it.

This time Llildan whispered to himself as he saw Shel's face appear in the final memory he had of her, "I often wonder moya lyubov', if perhaps she grew up too quickly...like you had to. I can only hope...that she doesn't meet the same end as you too."

With that he turned the dial a slight bit clockwise. Upon doing so, the tears that had been flowing so freely ceased just as quickly as they seemingly came. At least from Llildan's perspective on the matter. He then heard someone coming, and grabbed a towel to appear as though he was wiping sweat away instead of tears. Almost furiously rubbing them away before grabbing a bottle of vodka. He about poured himself a glass, but decided not to. Instead popping it's cork and drinking it straight. Though he did also think to turn off the crystal's projection. Just in time too, as Lilith came into the room.

"My my, there a special occasion? Or are you just in desperate need of a distraction?"

Llildan actually gave off a slight growl, "I just like it's taste, and it's hardness."

Lilith propped herself beside him against the counter, "Ah yes. The cold, chilling bite as it travels down the throat. The near pure and perfect alcoholic aftertaste after the smooth and creamy texture soothes the chill. Hitting you with a mix of flavors depending on the make and brand. Definitely among my favorite alcohols, though I've always...always felt it needed more than being drank straight."

Llildan ignored Lilith as much as possible. For with each word she began letting more of her true nature arise. The lustful, sex addicted freak of a succubus that would kill you either before, during, or after. All depending on her mood and whether or not she favored you as a 'toy'. He'd heard all the stories, he knew full well what she wanted right now. Her body language, her tone, even the blatant yet somehow still tasteful removal of things like a strap here, or her belt there. He turned the dial again, if only to ensure his emotional response was deadened enough to escape the dreaded musk. The stories of how it brought just about all men to her beck and call was enough to warrant the dial being moved again in his opinion.

He then looked at the bottle in his hand again before just putting it down a bit forcefully, "I've had enough."

"Oh? But you've only just started on the bottle. Imagine what it'll be like once you've finally drank it dry." Lilith complained with a very faint pout.

"It already is dry for me, perhaps it was too dry to begin with anyway. If you want a 'drinking' partner, go pester someone else. I've more important matters to attend to, not to mention a need for a rest."

Lilith hanged her head backward in annoyance, "Uuuugh, no wonder it tasted too dry. You're just as dry down there I'll bet."

Llildan shook his head, "Try harder Demonness, I know better than to lose my nerve so easily."

He then tightened his grip on the crystal before leaving the room in silence. Lilith just drank the bottle's remnants, of which there was plenty, in a mix of barely contained fury and sexual frustration. Growling and muttering to herself in the now darkened room.

[kristen-cmu-blog]

Social Media & Relationships

Social media is something that is nearly impossible to avoid in today’s world. I use a laptop computer daily as I complete my college degree online, and my kindergartener uses a tablet almost daily as he learns his letters and numbers in elementary school. While social media is a wonderful tool to aide in learning and growth, it can also be a detriment to our social skills and relationships with others. 

I watched an interview with Sherry Turkle and read the article, “Before the Internet”, by Emma Rathbone (both linked below for reference). The article by Rathbone helps us to see the perspective of an individual(likely a child), before the internet made its debut. The individual appears to be creative and uses her imagination throughout. Her and a friend are debating on the type of stone they are looking at and do not have a way of looking this up. The time was very simple. In the interview with Sherry Turkle, she describes how the internet is effecting us in our socialization today. She describes the term, “Alone Together” as she shows a group of individuals at a table together having lunch and each individual has some sort of device in front of them. This is our reality.

One of the ways that social media effects me most would be the way social media creates an unrealistic world when it comes to parenting. I have four children of my own, and it is easy to beat yourself up as a parent when people are constantly posting about milestones their children have hit or offering unsolicited advice. When I log into my social media accounts, I see others posting photos of their children or statuses about something pertaining to their child. It is in our human nature to instantly compare ourselves to what we see our peers doing. For example, if someone else’s child in my school was student of the month and the parent posted a photo online, it could lead me to feel as if my parenting is lacking in some way. The comparison game amongst mothers(and fathers) is making us question our ourselves. I have to remind myself that most individuals do not post photos or statuses when their child is struggling in school or when they had to have a meeting with the teacher to discuss their child’s behavior. Social media creates a different world where all seems well on the surface. Keeping social media account use to a minimum has helped me to not compare myself to others.

Another way that having social media right at our fingertips has effected me, is how the use of it can interfere with my marriage and my relationships with my children. In the evenings, we really try to unplug and focus on spending time with one another at home, but it is really easy to hear the phone going off and to instantly jump to see what or who requires your attention on the other end. When I see the image below, it breaks my heart to think that social media is becoming a higher priority than building relationships and spending quality time with those you love. I know that I have been guilty of spending quality time with one of my kids but leaving my phone not too far out of sight. Even if I don't respond or answer the notification, I am still drawing my eyes to the screen. This definitely defeats the purpose of spending time with someone if they aren’t getting my full attention. As a parent, I am also responsible for showing my children how social media should be properly used as to not take the place of everyday interpersonal and social skills.

I remember a few years back, my husband and I took a vacation with another couple to Mexico. We stayed at a beautiful resort and it was great to get away and relax! We did not have any service at the resort and the only way we would be able to “connect” was to purchase a wi-fi package. I remember my husband declining that offer and I know that his choice contributed to how wonderful the vacation was. This forced us to spend time in deep conversation with one another and to be fully present with each other. 

Reading the article and viewing Sherry Turkle’s interview definitely helped to renew my thoughts about social media and how it can interfere with so much. Sometimes I feel as though I am missing out on something if I go a few days not scrolling through my facebook feed, but I am truly missing out on so much more when my face is in a screen. 

Before the Internet:

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/06/26/before-the-internet

Sherry Turkle Interview:

https://billmoyers.com/segment/sherry-turkle-on-being-alone-together/

[justgotham]

On the eve of the show's farewell (and 100th episode), the duo open up about how the Warner Bros.-produced show came together, its biggest challenges, and how they succeeded despite "competing against 80 years of Batman history."

"Batman characters are like Beatles songs," philosophizes Danny Cannon, who has been a co-showrunner on Gotham (along with John Stephens and, until 2016, creator Bruno Heller) since Fox put it on the air in 2014. "You don't play them like the Beatles [did] — everybody does their own version of them."

His version — the one that follows Jim Gordon (Ben McKenzie) as a rookie cop and young Bruce Wayne (David Mazouz) as he learns to be Batman — will air its 100th episode, which will also be the series finale, on April 25. After five years of reinventing origin stories for villains like the Penguin (Robin Lord Taylor), the Riddler (Cory Michael Smith) and Catwoman (Camren Bicondova), and at its peak pulling in as many as 9.7 million viewers (as well as picking up a Creative Arts Emmy for visual effects), the Bat Signal is finally being switched off.

Stephens' future plans are unclear — for a time, he was developing a series about another city, Superman's hometown, Metropolis, for WarnerMedia's DC Universe streamer, but that project was scrapped. Cannon and Heller, though, will be staying near their old neighborhood with Pennyworth, an upcoming series they're shooting for Epix about Wayne Manor's trusty butler, Alfred (played on Gotham by Sean Pertwee and in the new series by Jack Bannon).

On the eve of Gotham's farewell, Cannon, 50, and Stephens, 47, sat with THR (their separate conversations are edited together here) to talk about how the Warner Bros.-produced show came together, its biggest challenges — like casting characters memorably played by the likes of Jack Nicholson and Michelle Pfeiffer — and how they succeeded despite, as Stephens puts it, "competing against 80 years of Batman history."

You made Jim Gordon a centerpiece of the series. Why?

DANNY CANNON You see through the eyes of a new detective. He sees all the darkest stuff about the city. He looks into the corners and the alleyways of Gotham. Through all five seasons, Jim Gordon walks that thin line between the just and the corrupted. At any point, he could have left. There will always be corrupt people who attempt to control chaos in Gotham. Jim knew he was fighting the true nature of the city. That's good drama.

Batman's story has been told so many times in so many different ways. What version influenced you the most? Which the least?

JOHN STEPHENS I wish I could tell you that we had a really coherent point of view, but it was evolving. At the very beginning, it was a much more noir-inflected, boots-on-the-ground point of view of the city. Then it became more elevated as we continued on to the second season. There were flashes here and there where we probably went a little bit too far into some of the more supernatural elements that sometimes intrude into Gotham.

CANNON We called the show Gotham because that's what we wanted it to be about. We were basically asking, "What would have to happen to a city in order for someone like Batman to feel as though he was necessary?" You get to see all the darkness that Batman had to deal with. You look at him as a child and you get to see where all of his drive, his need to help the city came from. And I think that David did just an incredible job. We watched him grow up on the set. It was like watching Batman grow up.

STEPHENS The first time that Batman really impacted my psyche I was 13 or 14, when Frank Miller was working on the first run of the Dark Knight. Miller's Batman has a twofold element that we talked about bringing into the show. The first element was the sense of weakness and vulnerability Batman carried as an older man. We tried to inject some of that grave humanity, first into Bruce, then into the rest of the world. The second element of Batman that Miller captured really well was the joy he got from being Batman. We wanted to have that feeling of empowerment. I think those two things definitely played through.

Gotham is filled with such an iconic rogues' gallery. What was casting like?

CANNON Casting Gotham was the most fun I've ever had on a job. Those first few months before we started shooting, we had these characters on a board and basically said, "Here are 20 things we want to do this season. We can do five of them." I still think that the show evolved probably a little too fast. But it evolved naturally. And that's the way I wanted it to go.

What does it mean to you to hit 100 episodes … and how do you feel about ending the series?

STEPHENS You know, I'm not sure that reaching a hundred episodes means what it meant 10 or 15 years ago. But there is this weird sort of a milestone element to it for all of us that made it feel like we had run a marathon. Even though it would have been a huge chunk of our lives if the show only ran for four seasons, doing 100 episodes made it feel like we topped off that entire journey. I felt like I was pretty ready for a vacation at the end. We deserved it.

CANNON At the beginning of season five, it was determined that this would be our last. David was getting to that age [he's now 18] where he was turning into a man and we were heading into Batman territory. It's such an incredible fan base that stayed with us, and when the curtain closes, they'll have seen a 100-hour play. I hope that the world we created will remain in their consciousness. I know it's going to remain on Netflix.

And where would you like Gotham to fall in the long Batman pantheon?

STEPHENS I would hope that for this current generation, these iterations will be their canonical versions of the characters.

CANNON Gotham stands alone. There are many DC TV superhero shows. But Gotham had a specific feel. It was a different world. We wanted it to stand apart.

THAT TIME BRUCE WAYNE ALMOST KILLED ALFRED (AND OTHER CAST MEMORIES)

DAVID MAZOUZ (Bruce Wayne)

"I was standing on the top of a bar in a New York City nightclub with a bottle of alcohol-less champagne in each of my hands, surrounded by background actors who were 'OK with getting wet,' dancing my heart out to 'Thriller' and pouring bubbly all over my perfectly tailored Brooks Brothers suit. I looked around and thought, 'If being Bruce Wayne isn't the best thing that ever happened to me, I don't know what is.' "

CAMREN BICONDOVA (Catwoman)

"It feels like we've been on a five-year hike. And to see the work that we've all put in from the top of the mountain was a beautiful feeling."

SEAN PERTWEE (Alfred)

"My favorite memory would be asking Master Bruce to kill me. It shows Alfred's growth and his propensity to love so much as to be willing to die for Bruce, so that he may return from darkness."

BEN MCKENZIE (Jim Gordon)

"The best thing to come out of the series was meeting my wife," says McKenzie, who married Gotham actress Morena Baccarin in 2017.

ROBIN LORD TAYLOR (The Penguin)

"One of my favorite memories is when I learned that Carol Kane was playing my mother and then sharing a van ride home with her every night. She is a legend."

[italicwatches]

GAMERS! Episode 11

Okay, up and down, up and down. Let’s get to it. It’s GAMERS!, episode 11! Here we GO!

-It all begins at the end of the last episode. With Aguri bantering with Keita, and everyone just staring and seeing what’s grown between these two…

-Over to Tasuku, walking so very slowly as he tries to figure it out aaaaaand that’s Karen in a much worse funk than him. Just ignore it. Just get pa—

-…Karen’s got it bad, guys.

-And that’s how they end up walking together, and Tasuku can’t help but feel like he’s being watched by everyone. And they’re…Yeah they’re in a funk. On the one hand, Keita’s loosened up and Aguri’s gotten more mature and focused, from their interactions with each other. On the other hand…Well how would you feel if your significant other was getting all their growth and change from another X?

-And if you look at it with both of them maturing, becoming more wholly rounded and aware people…Well, that sounds like a perfect couple, doesn’t it. …My sympathies, both of you.

-Opening! We’ve got one last game, and it’s the Continue screen from Street Fighter II! The Street Fighter series basically defined the entire fighting game genre, and in one stroke completely built the standards of the genre. Major game mechanics, from many of the special move inputs that we know today, to the entire combo mechanic, to the six-button layout that was standard for a lot of games for a long time, all got born here. It revolutionized gaming, it revitalized arcades and gave those in the West another couple years of relevance, and it built an entire genre. That this happened on a game where half of its innovations were mistakes or outright glitches(the entire combo system was because of an overlooked glitch that let you cancel the recovery between moves and do a move faster than the opponent could recover!) just shows how much history is defined by the whims of fate.

-DAY 11: Gamers and Youth Continue

-So back where we left off. Karen’s insisting that she doesn’t genuinely believe Keita is two-timing her. And yeah, okay, they both know Keita and Aguri. Those two are good eggs, they’d never intentionally betray the people they love. The problem isn’t intentional cheating…The problem is that self-doubt fueled question, about whether or not sticking with them is the right thing, instead of letting them both go to find each other…

-But, no! They can still turn this around! Tasuku has a plan and Karen wants to know everything. …Wait isn’t this your place? Aren’t they in front of your house now? House later, plan now! So, just for the record, Karen is legitimately a little bit scary when it comes to matter of Keita. Like, she’s not full on Nice Boat, but she’s got a little bit of yandere in her. Be careful, Keita.

-So, the plan? How do you completely lock down your relationship status when you yourself doubt it? You create an indisputable, raw, locked down fact. Which is to say, you hit a milestone of action. Which means bumping their relationships up a level. Which…Woo boy, Karen’s lost in her own fantasies. And that’s when Tasuku realizes that this is all screwing his attempts to try and find Chiaki a happy ending of her own…

-And, oh, the whole thing got seen by Konoha. …So before we go forward, Konoha was watching from across the street. Given the way all of that was animated, I’ll bet you a Bison buck that she thinks Tasuku just confessed to Karen.

-To Keita’s place, where Karen’s just called him and suggested a double date! Him, her, and then Tasuku and Aguri…Isn’t that a little…cheesy? It is not now obey. But he’d be so embarrassed! …Well so will she, but…

-…Keita.

-Keita Keita Keita.

-I’m just gonna quote the subs here. “A double date could be higher-level than even marriage or child-birth!”

-What do you…How does that…

-At least Karen talks some sense into him. And his final answer? As a man, he wants to obey Karen in all things, but his pride…But, Karen…HE’LL DO IT! DOUBLE DATES ALL THE WAY! So if these two manage to stick together through the end of the show and their time in high school, they’re gonna find out they’re into some weird bedroom shit when that time comes. We all realize that, right? Like, I’m not reading too much into it?

-So, okay, plans made, Karen has a whole detailed plan put together already, and Keita is deeply uncertain…

-Cut to the trip, at the amusement park! Spiel Kingdom, the fantasiest place on Earth! And they’re both going nuts because it’s based on an RPG franchise, as Aguri just stares, and Tasuku is a bit embarrassed for his dorky, dorky friends. They’re normal, right? These two aren’t acting like normal people?

-Of course, it’s not long before things calm down…And Karen and Tasuku end up mulling around together a lot to scheme and plan, leaving a doubtful Aguri and Keita in their wake…

-Speaking of, let’s flashback. This morning, Aguri and Keita went to the cafe again, where Aguri had gotten nowhere near enough sleep panicking over what this double-date could mean. Contrast Keita’s bouncy, bubbly hysteria over the entire waveform collapsing. in front of his eyes.

-So back to where we left off, where Keita and Aguri are both increasingly convinced that Tasuku and Karen have a secret relationship going, because why else would those two be spending so much time around each other?

-By the time they’re all in line for a ride, Karen gives the signal that it’s time to go for a push, and they both go to reach for their dates’ hands…

-When Konoha and Chiaki find them! Well, mostly Konoha. Chiaki is very confused.

-Commercial break!

-And we’re back! Last night, Konoha forced Chiaki to go to the amusement park with her, having acquired two free tickets that needed to be used together…And she just barreled all over Chiaki’s fears and doubts because she’d just lose this stupid idiot if she kept worrying about game development instead of love development…She even pretended she’d invite Keita herself, if Chiaki didn’t want to go, and THAT did it. Great committed don’t forget to dress up goodnight!

-Oh, I guess I owe you a Bison buck. (OF COURSE!) Because Konoha actually heard Karen’s shouting and got enough of the gist to know it was time to fight to ensure a Hoshinomori stayed in this race…!

-So into the present again, where Konoha acts all innocent in wanting to know why her dear big sister didn’t get invited to a meet up event! Oh, that hurts Karen right in the feels. But the open reveal of this being a date hits Konoha, as it’s a back-and-forth of verbal sparring, until Keita finally ends up awkwardly inviting the sisters to join in just to make the battle stop…Which leads to a reaction that stings him the worst of all.

-But this feeds us into a montage of the whole group! Rollercoasters, wandering, log flumes, tons of awkward doubt in Aguri and Karen…All while Konoha’s twisted schemes are working. But perhaps too well, I’m noticing in this montage she’s a lot more forward than Chiaki…

-Eventually, they’re off there spinning teacups, where Chiaki is nauseous enough for Keita to get concerned…But then it’s right to the main attraction, the Kizuna Dungeon! And Karen’s starting to get really really discouraged…But she’s still got a shot at this.

-Unlike the rest of the park, the dungeon is actually pretty well done, complete with air-burst “traps”(one of which manages to scare Aguri enough to cling to Tasuku), and buzzing(god I hope it’s just buzzing) shock traps like the one that Keita trips when he touches a sword! Seriously I hope that wasn’t actual electricity you could’ve killed him. Oh and the springy monster popouts that scare even Karen and get Keita to be all concerned. Konoha’s plan isn’t working…

-And then they hit a spot where people go in two at a time, locked to their partner…They can use this! Tasuku and Aguri somewhat awkwardly go together, and then it’s time for Karen to…

-Karen to…

-To…

-Where is everyone?

-It appears that Konoha has convinced Keita to take the still nauseous Chiaki out through the surrender door. Much to Keita’s frustration since he got shoved through it, but he is genuinely worried about Chiaki…

-Who then collapses against Keita like a sack of…Well she’s too scrawny and malnourished to be a sack of bricks or potatoes…A sack of old anime merch? Sure why the hell not.

-Either way she doesn’t wake up for a while, and finds herself on a bench, her head in Konoha’s lap, and Keita still there all worried. He even carried her the whole way here! So all of this has Chiaki freaking out, as Konoha sees her time to slip off and stick them together. And this, gets, awkward fast…

-Which is when Keita gets a phonecall from Karen, ruining the whole moment…Only for Chiaki to realize she’s clinging to Keita’s shirt. And Keita, being a good guy but also a complete idiot, thus ends up staying with her instead of going off to answer the call. But this gives Keita and Chiaki a chance to talk, and him to actually ask what brought her here today, and it comes out that it was scouting for a date, and wait she has a date? Sh-shut up!

-But…Is she gonna do it? You gonna, Chiaki? Well she kinda gets there when she asks about his thoughts on Mono-san and Nobe-san. And of course they’re important to him. …More important than Karen? Oh god that just slipped out. Of course, for Keita, he doesn’t rank things like that. His girlfriend, his friends, even someone like Chiaki who he has lots of disagreements with…They are all so very, very important to him. And it all came from just Karen saying hi to him one day…

-Aaaand Konoha is watching this whole thing.

-Eventually it’s time to go back…Though Chiaki thinks she’s going to call it a night. She wants him to go enjoy the night with Karen…

-…Nope. Come on. They’re all enjoying this together! And that’s when he finally gets back to the others, explaining what happened, and everyone’s glad to see Chiaki still on her feet, and they’ve gotta all hurry if they want to catch the big night parade! Because every amusement park is Disneyland.

-The credits music starts, as the electric night parade starts…And Tasuku finally takes up Aguri’s hand, and takes her up front with him…And then Keita offers Karen his hand, in turn. Oh, Karen, just admit you got it bad for him. Which leaves Konoha to apologize to Chiaki, and did she get rejected by him? No? Good! And she insists that she will, and I quote, “someday make that man a slave to my overwhelming charm.” You’re not an overwhelming charm type and you know it.

-But the whole group ends up in the front, as Aguri clings to her beloved Tasuku, their relationship at least stable again…And Keita I think just twisted his ankle in that open grate.

-Fin~

Well, that…Wasn’t quite the actual end. Oh no, we’ve got one more episode. But in terms of actual core story, I think that was our big climax. And for the most part, it all worked out! Chiaki and possibly Konoha have some stuff to figure out regarding Keita, Karen’s got to loosen up with her emotional state, and Keita will hopefully finally realize what’s been going on around him…But this is the most stable things have been since, oh, the end of episode 2. So I’ll take it. We’ll have one last match with these plucky kids next time, in episode TWELVE of GAMERS! Wait for it!

[floridaindependent-blog]

Skills That Your Child Can Learn Playing with Interactive Talking Dolls

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Skills That Your Child Can Learn Playing with Interactive Talking Dolls

A parent-child relationship is important for the healthy development of the child. Children who bond with their parent, especially their mother, have positive lifelong effects. Not only does the parent ensure that the child is safe, but also help them develop socially and emotionally. However, most parents lack adequate time to spend with their children due to work and other life demands. This leaves them with lesser time to socialize with their children and help them develop through the various milestones. In these current dynamics, toys and dolls provide an alternative for keeping the children company when the parents are away for work or busy doing something else.

Children have always loved toys, and spending time with toys is one of the greatest ways they have fun. When used in the right way, toys can help your kids to become creative and develop life skills. Companies that develop games and educational toys for kids are coming up with new ideas to help children develop certain skills while having fun. Among the most transformative concepts of the modern time is the introduction of interactive talking baby dolls. This type of baby doll can be used to engage your child in realistic conversations while responding with head movements and appropriate facial expressions. As your child plays with this doll, he or she can develop a wide range of developmental skills and abilities:

·   Social skills ·   Speaking and communication skills ·   Cognitive skills ·   Logic and imagination ·   Confidence and self-esteem ·   Self-help skills ·   Motor skills ·   Sharing and teamwork ·   Coping skills

Interactive Talking Dolls Help Kids Develop Social Skills

Social skills are among the most important aspects that babies try to master from an early age. As a parent, you should prepare your baby to understand different types of emotions and explore the environment. Speech is particularly an important part of improving your child’s social skills. Talking toys for kids an excellent choice for your child to learn new sounds and increase their vocabulary. Although children are considered sociable if they talk a lot, the ability to listen is also an important aspect of good social skills. Talking toys can play songs and music that can help your child to develop social skills by listening. It also helps the child feel less lonely as the toy will be responding to his or her queries.

Talking Dolls Help Children Improve Speaking Skills

Children convey their feelings when they interact by speaking properly and using the right language. Today, developers and manufacturers of toys have introduced advanced dolls that help children in developing speaking and language skills. In an article featured on Mashables, Oren Jacob, former CTO at Pixar describes how children can improve their speaking skills by playing with such toys. Jacob notes that the toys allow children learn how to express themselves vocally by having a partner they can play with and who can talk back without getting tired. Children can learn how to speak with the help of these dolls, especially when they receive proper guidance from parents on how to use them. A child will find it more fun to imitate voices and sounds from a doll, and become more fluent in speaking. This continued process helps children learn and improve their communication skills in the long run.

 Talking Toys Help in the Growth of Cognitive Skills

Cognitive skills enable a child to recognize colors, solve problems, and improve memory. Some kids talking toys are designed to help children memorize, recite poems, sing the alphabets and understand numbers. Your children can achieve these basic cognitive skills by playing with an interactive talking doll that engages them in real time challenges. The play sessions include activities that make the child think and memorize things.

Playing with an Interactive Doll Improves Logic and Imaginations

When a child’s imagination is properly nurtured, it gives them the ability to be creative and develop their talents. Interactive dolls are designed to be educational and help the child learn new concepts. For instance, the doll will recite poems or tell stories that will help your kid develop and improve their imaginations. This can inspire them to come up with their own story, song or a poem. This form of logic and imagination will have the long-term effect of enabling the child to recognize and become aware of his or her surroundings.

Playing with a Doll Improves Your Child’s Motor Skills

Another benefit that children derive from playing with toys and dolls is the growth of their motor skills. Every time a child interacts with a toy, they engage in activities that require them to move around and use their hands.  This may include dressing the doll, cleaning it, or even moving it around. When dressing or undressing a doll, the child practices how clothing works like buttons and zippers work. Toddlers tend to experiment with kids learning toys that require them to move body parts like legs, hands, and fingers. For instance, when bathing or feeding the doll, the child practices sequencing skills that many children struggle with at an early age. This form of movement is an integral part in the growth and development of motor skills of your child.

Children Gain Confidence When Playing with Toys

Children discover talents when they play and this boosts their confidence. Whenever a child recites a poem, solves a puzzle or makes a story, they are proud of what they can do. They become excited about trying new ideas and more confident. Kids learning toys and dolls are deigned to help children discover their strong points and build confidence. The child can explore different ideas, find out what they are good at, and push themselves further to see what else they can do.

Taking Care of a Doll Helps in the Growth of Self-Help Skills

Self-help skills help your child to be independent in activities like brushing of teeth, brushing hair, or dressing on their own. The child learns these activities by taking care of their toys and dolls. When you child dresses a doll or brushes her hair, it becomes an excellent learning experience on self-help. Doing these activities enhances the child’s abilities to meet their own basic needs and taking care of their own hygiene. When playing with a doll, children usually imitate the way adults care for the young ones. This makes the child to start thinking about the needs of someone else. They start appreciating the need for feed the doll, clean it, kept it warm, and even comfort it when it is sad. This is also a great way for the child to develop empathy.

Talking with a Doll Encourages Sharing and Teamwork

Kids are usually selfish when they are younger, especially toddlers. They want to keep their games and toys to themselves. However, as they grow up, they understand the importance of sharing their toys with their classmates and friends. Kids learning toys come with features meant to teach your child to share and work as a team with others. As children spend time with the doll, they begin to learn the importance of working in a team. The toy engages children in activities that prompt them to learn how to share and work with others.

Interactive Talking Dolls Impart Coping Skills on Your Child

Playing with toys such as baby dolls helps young children to prepare having a sibling. Specifically, role playing as a big brother or sister with a doll helps children to learn how to care for their younger siblings. When a new sibling arrives, much of the parent’s attention shifts to the new infant.  As the kids grow up, they experience all types of situations. However, learning how to deal with such situations begins in their childhood. Due to their interactive nature, talking dolls can help children to learn how to love and care for the younger sibling. This will see them taking up the helper role when the parent is occupied with something else in the home.

Does Your Child Really Need an Interactive Talking Doll?

Nothing can really replace the bond between a parent and their child. However, a talking doll or toy contributes greatly to the healthy development of a kid. For many parents, such a toy is a savior as it also keeps the children away from the screens. It can engage your child in real conversation and teach your child new things without your intervention being need. The toy can provide inspiration, motivate kids to recite poems, sing lullabies, sing the alphabets, among many other educational attributes. Take Ask Amy as an example. The doll can sit on the bed, upright in a chair, in the car and she loves cuddling. You child can play with this talking and educational doll at any time, whenever you cannot give the much-needed attention.

Ask Amy doll makes natural facial expressions including blinking eyes in a lifelike fashion, head movements, and moving her lips when speaking. With voice recognition, she can engage the child in real-time conversation. Children play and bond with her, enjoy her company and feel a sense of belonging. The toy can also be beneficial to autistic children, helping them to relax and feel safe. As they play with the toy, the children improve their motility and develop better communication skills. Although this doll will not provide the same kind of bond that you may provide, it helps you child to learn while playing. Learning through play is essential because it helps children develop skills in a fun and enjoyable manner. It is also the most natural form of learning because the child is engaging in what they most enjoy doing.

Dolls are a major childhood staple. Interactive dolls increase the imaginative power of the child. Playing with the doll sparks creative scenarios in the minds of the children, boosting their imagination. Ask Amy provides interests for all kinds of children. She has features that stimulate imaginative skills, social skills, and emotional skills. This helps the children imagine themselves in the role of a caregiver. She also provides caregiving features such as changing of diapers, soothing and feeding. She will respond to questions with different answers. Each time you ask her questions, she responds to the new command. Some of the questions or verbal prompts you can use to engage with Ask Amy include hello, sing me a song, where are you from, I love you, tell me a story, am I pretty, and goodbye. The doll is also equipped with the ability to tell jokes and giggle. This demonstrates just why having an interactive talking doll for your child is worth the consideration.

Conclusion

While the main purpose of providing your kids with toys is to have fun and enjoy themselves, they can also play a significant role in the development of the child. Interactive dolls like are great toys for developing minds. They enhance your child’s nurturing skills, develop critical empathy skills and the ability to think critically. When you provide your kids with excellent toys, you promote their physical and mental health growth. It is also a good way to encourage your child to step out of the comfort zone, become more self-confidence and imaginative.

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The One Question to Ask Yourself When Deciding if You're Ready to Commit

There’s one very specific question to ask yourself if you’re deciding about commitment. (Photo: Getty Images)

“I usually know if a relationship is wrong for me, but how can I tell if the relationship is right?”

While writing my book, and fielding love-related questions for well over a year, this one query came up far more than any other.

It’s a question asked by anyone in that vast gray area between one relationship milestone and the next. It’s a question pondered by anyone in a “pretty good” partnership. A question chewed over by those who answer, “It’s okay!” or “Things are going fine” when asked about their relationship or significant other. It’s a question for young people; for old people; for anyone who isn’t sure they’re ready to commit; for anyone who feels rocky about the next step. It’s a question for the person who feels like something in the relationship is off but they can’t put their finger on what. “How can I tell if the relationship is right?”

This generation is empowered, and plagued, by a phenomenon that has touched no other generation in the same way: Choice. Most people can find a date at the drop of a hat; all you need to do is download a dating app and swipe for a couple of hours. That says nothing of all the ways you can potentially meet a new flame in person.

It’s not necessarily just the endless choice of a potential partner that can be simultaneously enticing and stunting, but of all the experiences you could have while single and waiting for “the one” to come along — grad school, travel, living abroad, living alone, taking career risks. As psychology professor Art Markman, PhD, once told me; millennials are encouraged to “play the field” in a way no other generation has before them.

With all that in mind, there is simply no reason to commit to the wrong person. But how do you know if the person you’re seeing is right? There is actually a pretty easy way to answer that.

Not too long ago, I was sitting at a bar with a friend, nursing a glass of red wine while she unpacked her relationship woes. She’d been dealing with the infamous question of right vs wrong. The “pretty good” relationship. The angst of “fine.” The guy she was seeing wanted her to take herself off the market and take the next step with him. He wanted commitment; she just wasn’t sure.

I asked a lot of reflective questions. Eventually she breathed a huge sigh, and finally summarized it all: “I can’t shake the feeling that, by committing to him, I’ll be missing out on something.” FOMO is not a good headspace in which to start a commitment, and whether or not you feel FOMO is actually a good litmus test as to whether this next step is one that you really want to take. If you ever feel, like my friend, caught between a relationship rock and a hard place (you’re happy, but are you happy enough?) ask yourself: “Does this relationship seem to open more doors than it closes?” Essentially, does it broaden my life?

Every relationship is different, but the best relationships are oriented toward continuous growth. That doesn’t just mean deepening your bond as a couple, social science shows that good relationships cause people to also grow and become better on their own. Psychologist Arthur Aron, PhD, concocted the “self-expansion model” to explain key motivations for forming romantic relationships, which has since provided a framework for understanding many things that relate to partnerships.

Expounding upon Aron’s research, social psychologist Benjamin Le, PhD, says that the self-expansion model can help explain, “why we might be attracted to certain people over others.” The answer he provides is that it’s because “one person offers abundant opportunities for growth compared to others.” The self-expansion model can also explain, “why certain relationships are more fulfilling than others.” The answer there being because they give us “greater opportunities for self-expansion.”

The long and short of it is, with certain compatible people, we just grow more. We see the world through eyes that give us new perspectives. Those partners bring valuable knowledge and experiences to the table; experiences that we have not had, and knowledge that we did not know. Humans are incredible, dynamic, evolving beings; and sometimes, in relationships that aren’t right, the possibilities do not seem endless. We feel stagnant, like something is missing, or there’s someone else out there for us.

For millennials especially, but really just modern-day daters, timing plays a critically important role in forming relationships and committing long-term. Last year, I wrote a story about how millennials are marrying their exes, and I think we’ll see more of this in the future. Sometimes, if you haven’t done enough “playing the field” in all aspects of life (to use Markman’s words), commitments will make you feel extremely hesitant. In that case, it is natural and normal to want to test the dating market, see what’s out there, and figure out what feels right to you. Options do exist.

Which is why it’s possible you might meet the right person early on, and still feel like you’re missing out on something. That’s okay. The reality is, you can’t see how right a person is for you until you’ve done some personal exploration. Until you know who you are, what’s out there, and what you bring to the table as a partner, it is nearly impossible to find the right person with whom to be in a relationship.

However, there’s a larger subset of daters who have done plenty of personal exploration. They are actively open to a long-term relationship, and still feel wary about deeper commitment to a partner. In this case especially, it’s important to ask yourself: Does this relationship seem to open more doors than it closes? Does this person seem to expand me? Do I feel like I’m growing?

The beauty of the self-expansion model is that growth is just one step away, especially for couples who are celebrating 10, 20, 30 or more years together. Yes, life is not a-thrill-a-minute. Life will have it’s exciting moments and boring ones. There will be times when you hit plateaus. And in those seasons, you can focus on participating in novel experiences together to promote growth — like traveling to an exotic location neither of you has been, or testing out a cuisine neither of you has tried.

Early relationship phases are different, though. These are the times where you naturally have milestones to look forward to and you’re learning new information rapidly — both about your partner, and through your partner. It should all feel exciting. Spending time with that person should feel exciting, even if you’re not 100% sure why that is.

With enough amassed experiences while single, and a great concoction of compatibility, the “right” relationship seems to offer endless opportunities for growth — so much so that the next stage of commitment thrills you. You’ll happily take yourself off the market for that one person you’re seeing, because when shutting yourself off to other suitors, doors of growth and expansion open in front of you. Sharing experiences and building history with him or her seems much more rewarding than it would be alone.

Growth. Always seek growth. Discovering a well of new opportunities with someone is the foundation of a great modern relationship. Anything less should give you pause.

Jenna Birch is a journalist, dating coach, and author of  The Love Gap (Grand Central Life & Style, January 2018). Her relationship column appears on Yahoo every Friday. To ask her a question, which may appear in an upcoming post, send an email to jen.birch@sbcglobal.net with “YAHOO QUESTION” in the subject line.

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This Is How Horror Movies Start

As you grow up there are many milestones, signs, ages and moments that claim you are “a man.” There’s the fake ones like being bar mitzvah’d or losing your virginity or just turning eighteen. There are the assumed ones like getting a job, getting married, buying a house or having a kid. There are the personal ones, like the fact that I was recently able to root for the New York Rangers in a playoff game. As a kid I was an Islanders fan. The Rangers made me angry. The Rangers made me cry. The Rangers made me slap a kid in the face when I was twelve because he rubbed it in a little too much after a devastating loss. So the fact that I could stand up with 23,000 Rangers fans and legitimately cheer for them was to me, a true sign of growth and maturity, because my twelve year-old self would never be able to fathom how that could ever happen. But does that make me “a man”? Doubtful. Maybe the only way to really know if you are a man is to measure yourself against others. To be put in the same environment and see how you do. Maybe the real sign of manhood are the tests, tests of will, tests of courage and tests of sanity.

A few years ago there was a test that presented itself and put my manhood on the line. "Daddy, I want to catch a fish." This came from my son Charlie, an ocean-life obsessed five year-old at the time. He really wanted this more than anything and there was only one man that could help him reach this goal, and he was two thousand miles away.

My wife grew up in Montana, a state whose name I don't think I even uttered until I was twenty-five. I am amazed when I go there at how she could have come from such a place. It is beautiful no doubt, but from my perspective it's a different country. It is so far from our current reality, as she's been in New York for over twenty years. There were moments when I was more at home in India (Jewtown specifically...look it up). My wife always says that she felt like an alien growing up there and I totally understand. That's what New York is for. It's a planet filled with all of these aliens who have found a home away from their hometown. A place where they don't stand out but they actually blend in. I am very comfortable in my own hometown and can fake it in most places, but in Montana, you may as well just get me a seat between Richard Branson and Justin Bieber and send me to Mars.

I went on my first trip to Montana in 2002, essentially, to meet the FAMILY. Her dad has two brothers and five sisters, who have an average of two kids each. Her mom has four brothers and one sister, also averaging two kids each, so the math is extraordinary as far as cousins go. Luckily only about a third of her family lives in Montana. The other three thousand live in the slightly more familiar planet of Minnesota. In preparing for the trip I had to work with flash cards. "So Rick is married to Jean and their kids are Kayla and Keith"? "Cody...Kayla and Cody...Keith is my uncle that lives in Minnesota."�� And it would go like that for days up until the big family dinner where I would look at Rick, shake his hand and say "hey Kevin".

If they were to create someone that is the polar opposite of me then my father-in-law, Tom, would be the perfect choice. Let's look at the scoreboard. He lives in Kalispell, Montana, shadowed by Glacier Park, where bears are a nuisance. I live in Park Slope, Brooklyn, shadowed by Prospect Park, where strollers are a nuisance. He retired at 62 after 35 years working on the railroad (seriously, he drove cargo trains up and down the Pacific Northwest). I'm a fucking ad guy with no hopes of retirement. When a relative wants a house, they buy a plot of land, call my father-in law and his brothers and they drive hundreds of miles to help build it, from scratch. Where once there was nothing, now there was a house. Like a family of David Copperfields. After we bought our house, completely renovated, my in-laws flew out and built a shed in our backyard over a rainy weekend. They were rubbing it in my nose, literally in my own backyard. When my relatives buy a house I might send them a lovely waffle iron. My father in-law's "pets" are packhorses, horses that he uses to disappear into the woods for two weeks so they can carry a recently shot moose on their backs. I have a Labradoodle, who sometimes wears a raincoat on her back. His favorite hobby is hunting, but he uses a bow to keep it fair. I like playing basketball, but I stay on the outside to avoid aggressive elbowing. So my insecurities of where I stand on the manhood acceptance scale are at a heightened state before I even board the plane for Montana.

If there were one place that really boils the culture shock down into an image it's my in-laws' basement. It is overwhelmed by the presence of stuffed animals, just staring at you from all angles. And I’m not talking inanimate stuffed animals like Nemo, Snoopy and Buzz Lightyear, but animals that were once very animate and now are stuffed. Two things really stood out in that basement. First, these were not stuffed birds or squirrels. There were cougars, moose and elk with antlers that looked like giant witch fingers. The second thing that hit me was that these were all animals he had actually bagged. I think the moment I saw that room my penis went to the nearest computer, got online, booked the first flight back to New York (I think he prefers Orbitz when in a rush), packed up his little rucksack, hopped to the front door, realized he forgot something and approached me, yanked my pants down and grabbed my balls, dropping them in the bag. He continued to the door, turned back toward me, gave me one last look with his eye and said, "And you've been telling people you're a man all these years. Well I can't support this charade anymore." That was followed by a dramatic door slam.

As I looked at all of the animals covering the walls, no matter how anti-gun, anti-hunting, anti-NRA, anti-anything an upper west side raised Jew would be anti, I could feel nothing but respect. My wife had told me stories of how one elk would feed them for the winter. They would get it butchered into steaks, burgers, chops, chili and sausage and put it in a freezer. It's probably the right way to live, although I don't know if I could give up going to specialty stores and getting the meat in one place, the bread in another and the veggies from the green market fresh on a daily basis. Now that's my kind of hunting ("oh I hope Union Market has the Alaskan wild-caught Salmon, or US farmed, never foreign farmed, yeah I hope they have that.")

Tom and I did find common ground in sports, specifically baseball and a love for the Minnesota Vikings. So there was always easy conversation if there were any awkward moments of silence in my future. Like if we were going after some elk or a bear we could talk, I should say whisper, about the Yankees overspending, the Vikings' offensive line play and their draft class that year.

My son was fixated on fish from a very early age and he would always talk about wanting to go fishing. I have no experience fishing, at times going to great lengths to avoid it, but he and his sister, Lucy, are the only two people on the planet that could make me go and actually be excited about it. Charlie had to catch a fish. We had tried and tried, on lakes, rivers, ponds, even in Prospect Park, with no luck, although we did catch some "stick fish." But Grandpa Tom was going to make it happen. An old friend of his had a house with a stream about forty-five minutes away, deep in the woods. Now when I say woods, we are talking about the woods of Montana. This is like the Yankee Stadium of woods. This is the kind of woods where your chances of survival take a noticeable tick down, and I've brought my five year-old son into this. Two thoughts begin to battle in my mind.

1. This is what being a father is all about.

2. This is how horror movies start.

As a parent you are constantly playing a game of "Final Destination". The name of the game is in reference to a series of movies in the 2000's where Gen-Xers were killed seemingly by accident, although darker forces were at work. Electric wires would loosely squirm around and land in a puddle as the football player steps in it. A trailer becomes detached and slams into the young fashionista's car. A flying metal pole impales the over-the-top snobby girl that seduced the hot English teacher (ok I've never seen these movies but I imagine I'm not too far off). It was basically a Hollywood version of a safety manual. The way the parent version of the movie works is you scan a room, playground, restaurant or situation and determine what are the simple to outrageous ways my kids could get hurt, maimed or killed. There are minimal risks ("just move that table before you jump off the couch"), moderate risks ("you can only climb up to the middle rail if you're going to lean over the boat") and unacceptable risks ("don't put the drape cord around your neck"). The unacceptable one is always met with rejection, a lot of "but whys" and at times pure defiance, resulting in grabbing, pulling, redecorating or outright banishment. There are certain times when this game is heightened, usually because of two things - when confronted with the unknown, and when others leave you alone to deal with that confrontation. And when this one two punch works in tandem, it could expose you as a complete and utter wimp. My punches came in the woods of Montana.

We are bumping along in the truck with my wife's seven year-old nephew towards what could be the highlight of my young son's life and the worst nightmare of mine. As we approached Paul's house, Tom, with complete sincerity and sternness, says "Jon, I should let you know there are bears out here, so keep an eye on the kids when we’re outside." My head jerks up, hoping he was joking, but he did not break character. So I eked out an "Ok" that, let's just say, lacked the confidence that one might be looking for from a parent. So the game was afoot and Death had made its presence felt. The images begin. Let's call it "a horrible mind," as it starts racing to all of the things that I read, saw or heard about bears and how to avoid them or, worst case scenario, defend yourself against them. The major points that I remembered were "be still and hope they don't approach you but never...never run. And if mauling is about to happen....fight like hell." So I am ready to give myself up for my son, already preparing for the mauling, hoping the bear starts high and ends it quickly. I activated my spidey sense, constantly scanning the area. If we were in New York I would be completely aware of my surroundings. I would know where the best pizza place is within three blocks or where the nearest New York Sports Club is in case I had a bathroom emergency. I could even break down suspicious characters and know if I needed to cross the street at any moment. But here, it was just complete, helpless paranoia.

We arrived at Paul’s, immediately unloaded our gear (that's right I said gear) and headed out to the stream. We are all business at this point. And speaking of business I had to be on a conference call with a client about twenty-minutes into our angling. Although I was in one of the most peaceful and beautiful parts of the country, I was feeling more stress at this moment then I've felt being stuck on the Southern State Parkway on a Friday in August trying to catch a 6:30 ferry to Fire Island, probably the most stressful feeling a New Yorker can have. This is not what "A River Runs Through It" was trying to convey. We walked down to the stream, which was teeming with fish...excuse me, brook trout. They were basically falling out of a rock and grass tunnel into the fast moving water, like splashing kids going down a water slide, three and four at a time. This was gonna work. Tom started to bait Charlie's hook and threw the bait to me for mine. This is one of those moments that we all know well. It's the "pretend you know what you're doing so you don't look like an ass even though you don't know what you're doing" moment. If my penis were still around I'd imagine he would look up at me, maybe his Shar Pei like wrinkles would contort to look like folded arms, and say something to the effect of "whatcha got?"

I am an animal lover but I will eat the crap out of pretty much anything, except veal as I'm still shaken by the photo of what "milk fed" really means. But I'm rarely confronted with murder. Okay, it was a worm, but I was ending its life by sticking a sharp hook into its head, or whatever they call it. Once I realized that my son was staring at me, there was no turning back. "Daddy, are you going to kill that worm?" Then I remembered, the worm doesn't die, it wriggles and taunts. The fish does the killing. That's the whole point. I was exonerated. "Well, actually Charz, the worm is alive, the fish does the killing. The worm needs to entice it.” Look at me. I took this awkward, uncomfortable moment and turned it into a lesson. This is how you grow, as a parent, and as a man. As I glowed with pride, Charlie looked at me, blinked a couple of times and said, "so you're just torturing it?"

While I was playing Mengele, completely mangling this poor worm, Tom had already caught two fish, Charlie immediately running over and reminding him that this was catch and release, needing visual evidence that they were thrown back. Eventually it was time for Charlie to get his fish. The plan was for Tom to actually catch it on the hook and quickly pass the rod to Charlie. I had to hold onto Charlie so the quarter pound fish didn't pull my twig of a son into the "crick." Tom felt a bite, gave me the signal and it was like clockwork. Charlie grabbed the rod, pulling and fighting the fish. I helped him reel it in and there it was, flopping around. Everyone celebrated Charlie's first fish. But within 30 seconds, Charlie realized something. "Grandpa, now I want to catch my own fish." The boy is no dummy. He knew what we did and this was not him catching a fish. We threw the imposter first fish into the shallow water and headed for the back-up plan, the stocked pond.

As they moved our operation to the pond, I hopped on my conference call. So here I am in a clearing in the woods of Montana, always on the look out for bears while also trying to capture Charlie's ultimate moment, yet I need to discuss the end messaging for our commercial for Fruit2day, a unique fruit juice experience; real fruit juice blended with real fruit bits, that's right bits, don't say chunks, because that would be gross.

Paul created a funnel from the creek to a pond, basically the bottom pool of the water park, where the kids pop up, slightly discombobulated, before they say they want to do it again. But there was no way out of this water park. The fish just accumulated there. Easy pickings. I finished up the call and raced down to the pond. We threw our lines out and the biting began immediately, everyone was pulling up fish, and then Charlie got a bite of his own. Tom helped Charlie stabilize and they reeled it in slowly, the fish fighting, Charlie battling (okay he was just holding the rod but he felt the fish) and then they pulled it in. He was thrilled, but not so thrilled that he forgot the golden rule. So after two minutes of glory, we threw our prize back in the pond, to live another day and tell his side of the story.

Having accomplished our goal it was time to head back to Paul's house and have some celebratory ice cream. We walked up the slight hill, the boys chasing frogs as Paul began boasting about an elk he just had stuffed (taxidermied?). He had to show Tom, and Tom was excited to see it, as if they were ten and Paul told him he just got a Mickey Mantle rookie card. So we got to the house and entered through the basement, which was filled to the gills with stuff, man stuff; oily rags, fishing reels detached from their rods like dug up skulls, hunting magazines and half finished projects everywhere. It was similar to the lair of Jaime Gumb, the killer in The Silence of the Lambs, only with better light and a more stable, civilized, less pre-op transexual, psycho killer vibe. My penis would look around, take a deep breath and say to me "now this is what I'm talking about. Get your notebook out young lady because you're going to school." They could do an entire Final Destination chapter in this room. Final Destination 9: Paul's Basement. Or if they decided to do an Off-Broadway version this would be the set. It would be tough to find a square inch of that room that wasn't wrought with danger of one shape or another. A wrench hanging off the edge of a counter, a knife left on a coffee table like it was a forgotten piece of toast, canisters of poisons, powders, cleaning fluids...just a death trap. So this prompted a reaction of protection for my son. The first step was corralling, basically keeping at least one hand on my child at all times. That could mean holding his hand, to an arm around his shoulder or, in this case, the two-shoulder-I'm-driving-and-you're-on-autopilot-mode.

As I controlled Charlie through the maze of death, the kids got their ice cream and we sat at the counter, thumbing through Fishgutting Illustrated, when Paul invited Tom upstairs to look at the elk head. As they headed up, Paul remembered something, stopped on the third stair and casually turned to me as if he were going to say something like, "Oh Jon, the paper towels are under the sink" or “help yourself to the lemonade in the fridge". But he didn't say those things. What Paul said, in a throwaway manner, was "Oh Jon, keep the kids away from the guns...they're all loaded." I watched as they continued up the stairs and squeaked out an even more lackluster "Ok." I now had a much bigger problem than the bears. Death was not only present but it was now in the same room, and potentially in many places of the room. Instantly my mind Googled and downloaded the thousands of stories I had heard about kids shooting themselves, their siblings, their friends, their parents and their cousins with guns found lying around the house. Paul had no idea who he was dealing with. Maybe he thought I was the type of man who can grab a gun, disassemble it, reassemble it blindfolded, click the barrel open and dump the ammo out in seconds flat. These are the men he's used to and that's the norm to him. But not this guy. It would be like me saying to Paul if he wanted to get from my house to Madison Square Garden - "Oh, just take the F to the A or C. No problem." Maybe Tom should've given Paul a little shake of the head or a whisper, ”He's not really a man”. But alas there was no help coming. This was the test. It was me against Montana. So I had to break down what he said, "they're all loaded." All as in more than one but as many as....a hundred and fifty seven? Couldn't he have said "they're both loaded" and at least looked in the direction of the three-foot pile of newspapers or the chainsaw leaning against the rocking chair? Just some numerical or geographical clue. My eyes scanned the room, and I could hear the Steve Austin vision SFX kick in di-di-di-di-di-di, but I couldn't find one, much less all, of the loaded guns. So after my five-second moment of scouting, I did what any man would do when confronted with a life or death situation, I avoided it head on. "Boys, let's eat our ice cream outside” (so we don't drip on all of Paul's loaded guns). I escorted them outside, still looking back into the room, as if the loaded guns were sneaking up on us, plopped the boys down in some chairs and got back to scouting for bears.

Looking out onto the vast, wide open, death ridden space I felt good, comfortable, confident, almost at home. Charlie caught a fish, I sold through a tagline ("a new way to eat fruit") and avoided a horrific front page news story ("penis-less New Yorker watches as five-year-old son shoots seven-year-old cousin with one of all of Paul's loaded guns"). I imagined something coming over the hill. It probably was nothing but in my mind it was my dick returning to me, balls in tow, preparing for a tearjerker of an ending. Loving me for who I am, as a father and as a man. This was not a horror movie anymore. This was a romance. And if it were a bear charging over that hill it should do the running because I was ready to fight like hell.