#someone donate enough money so i can just od please

[shmingleping]

Speedballs on loop.

[four-loose-screws]

FE4 Suzuki Novelization Translation (Gen II) - Chapter 4

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Chapter 4 - Divine Blade Balmung

The cave was exactly where Shannan had been told it would be: a little ways up the east side of the rocky mountain where the Aed Shrine was located.

He walked inside, led by the light coming from outside. The cave was small, and believed to have formed naturally. About ten meters in, he hit a wall, and could not continue going straight.

"We've reached the end of this path, so we'll go right. Then, there will be a small gap in the rocks at about waist height. That's the entrance to the secret shrine. When the Loptr Church was outlawed, the church's followers lived in hiding in the underground level of this shrine. But they probably didn't live down there all year round. When they came out, they would use this path. But since there's no need for any of that now, no one comes through here." The man explained to Shanan, then looked his lean, toned body up and down. “Big people can't make it through here, but someone of your size should be fine."

Just as the man had said, when they got on their stomachs and crawled through the hole on the right, they were able to make it to the opening. The rocks surrounding the opening were smooth to the touch.

'It has to be here.' Shanan pushed his belongings through first, then himself.

The narrow opening was only about two meters long. At the end was a much larger open space than he thought there'd be.

Once he'd made it through, he was surrounded by total darkness and didn't move for a while.

He didn't hear, nor sense anything.

When he felt it was safe, he lit a small candle.

The path, wide enough for the two men to easily walk next to each other, shined in the light.

"When we come to a fork in the road, we must turn left, as that will lead to the underground shrine. It will be different from the path we've traveled so far, as it's made entirely of stone. Since we have a light source, you'll know it when you see it. The treasure room is the farthest room down that path. I saw Balmung in there. There's no lock on the door, but there might be several mages standing guard."

The first time Shanan had heard this, he thought it was a trap.

The man had claimed he was an ex-priest of the Loptyr Church who fled because he didn't agree with the horrible things they were doing. To avoid their pursuit, he needed money.

'Even then, thirty gold coins is too cheap for a job like this, isn't it?'

However, after thinking it through, Shannan finally decided to try and see where the lead took him, even if it would be to a dead end. 

'If he's telling the truth, then that's the best case scenario, but even if it's a trap, that's just one move he could make. As one of Sword Saint Od’s sayings goes, ”When one makes a move, they always let their guard down.” Since he's trying to use Balmung as bait, the likelihood that he either has it, or at least knows information about it, is high. That will be when he lets his guard down, and I should attack him at that moment.’

As a descendant of Sword Saint Od, Shanan knew all of his sayings. Shannan also believed that he understood, though the intense training he’d subjected himself to, what most of them meant. However, he knew that he could not grasp the last saying if he did not obtain Balmung.

This is that final saying:

"If you are within light, become the light

If you are within darkness, transform into darkness

And within nothingness, is the truth."

He intended to figure out the meaning. However, he wouldn’t know what would happen when he obtained the holy sword, so he couldn’t understand it yet.

There was also one more reason he went with the man's movements.

And that was because Seliph had raised an army, and if they did not recruit Crusaders with legendary weapons, they would not be able to defeat the empire.

'We might be able to take back Isaach, but chances are, we'd lose if we went any further than that. Thracia has Heavens Lance Gungnir, House Friege has Holy Thunder Tome Mjölnir, House Dozel has Holy Axe Helswath, and Arvis has Holy Fire Tome Valflame.

And if someone among the enemy can wield Black Magic Loptous, then we won't stand a chance. So even if I am risking danger here, then I should go along with the enemy's movements and see what happens.'

They walked for about an hour, then finally reached the entrance to the shrine.

There wasn't a door, nor any people, but the path was dimly lit by a magic spell.

'This is the real trap.' Shanan sensed, but had no intention of turning back.

He walked into the shrine at his normal pace.

After taking five steps, he heard a creaking noise come from behind him.

He turned around, and a huge rock fell down between the cave and the shrine, blocking the path.

But since he'd predicted that there might be a trap, he didn't panic.

He confirmed that the path was completely blocked off, put the lantern and his supplies on the floor, and unsheathed a steel sword.

'If the exit is blocked, then I should continue forward.'

There were various doors on both the right and left sides of the path before him. Fearing that he might be attacked from behind if he walked too far, he only continued forward after he had checked each room to see if anyone was inside.

He didn’t find anyone, and finally came to the furthest door. To the right was a staircase going up.

He took a deep breath, pushed open the door, and flew inside.

He saw a mage, sitting at a small desk, in the corner of his eye.

He took a big step and used the force to attack. The mage didn't even have enough time to stand up.

Shanan immediately checked his surroundings. There was no one else in the room. Next, he noticed that there were items that could be considered treasure in the room, confirming that it was indeed the treasure room.

And so, he began to search.

There were both many valuable and rare items inside, but no swords.

'If this is a trap, then of course it wouldn't be here.'

He abandoned the treasure room and returned to the hallway.

He didn't know what he should do next, but knew that in order to attack the enemies while they were still unguarded, he needed to move quickly.

The moment he tried to climb the stairs, he heard footsteps coming down them.

'An enemy has found me already!?’

He braced himself, but the shadow looked like that of a child's, making him decide against attacking. It was obvious they were being chased by something and running away.

When they reached the bottom of the stairs, he grabbed their arm.

"Eeeeek!" The shriek sounded feminine.

"Be quiet! I'm not your enemy!" Shanan hissed, while also noticing the item she was clutching to her chest. 

It was a sword, and not just any sword. He remembered seeing the design carved into the handle before.

"Where did you get that sword?"

"I found it."

"Where? In that treasure room?"

"No, in a room at the top of the stairs."

"As I thought. Now hand it over."

"Hey! Are you trying to steal what I worked for? I went through a lot of trouble to get this, so there's no way I'll just give it to you!" The girl said, slipped out of his grasp, and ran towards the secret passage.

"W-Wait!"

She was dressed in men's clothing, and could run very quickly, making it obvious that she was a thief…

However, she had no choice but to stop in front of the boulder blocking the way to the cave.

Shanan caught up to her and grabbed her shoulder.

"Eeek! Stop, or else I'll never be able to be a bride!"

"Don't be stupid! I'm not going to do anything to you! I just want you to return that sword to me."

"'Return…?' So this is yours?”

"Yes. It is the Divine Blade Balmung, that has been passed down in my family for generations. I'm the only person who can wield it. Even if you have it, you can't do anything with it."

"But why us a holy sword in the Aed Desert?"

"It was taken from my father when he was killed during Grannvale's military campaign in Isaach. I was only just recently told that it's here in the Aed Desert. That's why I'm here, to take it back."

"Wait, so does that mean you're Prince Shanan of Isaach!?"

"Yes, I am."

"Wow, really? Yay, I'm soooo lucky!"

"..."

"I've always admired Prince Shanan, and wanted to meet him, even if it's just once… but I didn't think I actually would…"

"..."

"But it really is so cool to meet you!"

"I get it, I get it. Now, my sword, please."

"Oh, sorry. Here you go!"

Shanan took Balmung from her, and slowly unsheathed it.

As he revealed the blade, it lit up with a sparkling light. Then, he started to feel a strange power course through his body and make him feel warm.

'Balmung is finally mine… Ah, what a magnificent power this is…'

His body overflowing with new power, Shannan kept his gaze straight ahead, and said over his shoulder to the girl behind him, "What is your name?"

"I'm Patty! And don't forget it!"

"You're a thief, aren't you?"

"You could say that. But I only target the rich!"

"And you were found, so you ran away."

"Yeah. It was the first time ever for me, so I was surprised. But I wonder why they didn't chase me all the way here…"

"There's no way out of here, so they aren't worried. There’s no doubt in my mind that they are slowly gathering together more people and heading this way.”

"So what are we gonna do?"

"Keep your distance, but follow me."

Shannan gripped Balmung with both hands, held it out straight in front of him, and slowly began to proceed.

When they reached the section of the wall lit up by a magic spell, the torch went out.

"Eeeeek! It's pitch black!"

"You can't see anything?"

"I can, but only the light coming from the sword."

 That was all Shannan could see as well. He gently closed his eyes.

'If all I can see is the sword's light, then I'll be able to see any enemy that comes within its range. In this case, I shouldn't rely on my eyes.’

"If you are within light, become the light

If you are within darkness, transform into darkness"

"Listen closely, Patty. We're going to follow the sword's light."

He abandoned his sense of sight, heightening his other senses.

'There's eight enemies. Three of them have swords.'

He pictured the hallway in his mind, and as he proceeded, he felt more and more like he was actually looking at it.

He turned right, and started climbing the stairs. 

There were several lights set throughout the stairwell, but if one looked down at the stairs from the very top, they were shrouded in darkness. 

When the leader of the mercenaries suddenly saw Balmung's light, he panicked and froze. He knew there should be a person on the other side of the sword, but he couldn't see them because the light was in his way.

The glowing sword slowly climbed up the stairs. It felt like someone was lying in wait for them, but it seemed like that person wasn't concerned at all.

"Die!" The mage standing in the back shouted.

"Hiii-yah!" The lead mercenary aimed as best he could, and swung his sword.

The man's voice and the movement of the air felt as if they were flowing through Balmung.

Shannan felt no resistance, as if he only cut through air, but he did actually slice open the mercenary's abdomen, who then fell down the stairs.

Another mercenary tried to come around from the left, but Shannan sensed his breath, the movement of his scent, the way he quietly stepped on the stairs, and the change in the temperature around him, as if they were concrete items Shannan could hold in his hands. Shannan only had to think, and Balmung moved, cutting down two more mercenaries.

The other mercenaries above him could only see the slight movements of Balmung's light. It returned to its original position in a split second, then started slowly moving up. As Balmung came close to each magic light, they went out, making Balmung's light grow stronger and stronger in the darkness.

The mages couldn't see what was behind Balmung's light, either. So even if they cast black magic spells, all they could do was aim at the sword, which sent every spell back at the casters. The next moment, the sword leapt into the air, and cut them both.

As he and Patty slowly climbed the stairs, Shannan defeated each and every enemy that came near them. He had no idea how many enemies he faced in total. He only knew he had become one with Bulmung, and the moment he sensed an enemy, he could take them out with the slightest of movement.

Then, finally...

He no longer sensed any enemies. After climbing a few more stairs, he could see light through his closed eyelids, so he opened his eyes.

They were already above ground, and in front of his eyes was a big door.

Shannan swung Balmung, and landed gracefully in the blood pooling beneath him.

He placed the Divine Blade in its sheath, then opened the door. It was the prayer room, and inside was a man in bishop's robes. He was surely none other than Kutuzov, wielder of the dark magic spell Fenrir and leader of the Aed Shrine.

'If I go any further, I'll probably be consumed by Fenrir's magic.'

"If you are within light, become the light

If you are within darkness, transform into darkness

And within nothingness, is the truth."

Shannan emptied his mind of all thoughts, then calmly stepped into the prayer room.

Kutuzov had seen Shannan the moment he opened the door, and realized the swordsman was not wearing clothing he'd ever seen before. However, Kutuzov didn't sense any ill intent, so he did not think he should do anything. He saw Shannan, but did not look at him.

As Shannan came closer, Kutuzov noticed a strange scent. It was the smell of blood. Then, he saw that the man's clothing was stained with blood.

'Why is he covered in blood…? I see, so he is Shannan!?'

Kutuzov panicked and tried to cast a spell.

In a movement so fast his eyes could not catch it, Shannan unsheathed Balmung.

Kutuzov's head went flying through the air before he was even done with his chant.

"That was so cool!!" Patty screamed from the entrance of the prayer room.

-

 Seliph and the liberation army defeated the mages stationed throughout the rocky mountain, and arrived at the Aed Shrine shortly after.

After they had fully seized the shrine, Seliph entered the shrine's underground with Lewyn, who had just returned.

"The descendants of the Loptrian Empire lived here in hiding for a long, long time, because if they went above ground, they would be persecuted and burned alive. But even that doesn't mean they were evil from the beginning. However, many, many years of that treatment turned them into demons."

Seliph walked into one of the rooms in the hallway lined with rooms on both sides.

On the walls was writing that looked like a child's scribbles.

'Please come back someday soon, Lord Loptous.

Please make them suffer.

If you make our wishes come true, Lord Loptous, then we will give our blood to you.'

He guessed those words had been there for over twenty years, but the hatred with which they had been written had not faded one bit.

Seliph was overwhelmed by that hatred. He didn’t know what to say.

"Hate only begets hate." Lewyn said.  "You must etch those words into your heart."

"What do you think of my hatred for Arvis?"

"I've said this before, but this fight is no longer yours alone. I understand how you feel, but you must only hate what he has done, or what he is doing, not the man himself. If you do, then it will cloud your judgement.

"You should hate the evil, not the person. You must never forget that."

[lgbtqueeries]

A School Project as an Ode to Larry Kramer --32 Million and Counting

TLDR; This speech was a project for a Queer Studies class that I participated in. It is a speech in the form of Larry Kramer’s speech about AIDS activism in 1983 called “1,112 and Counting”  I also wanted to bring into awareness what has changed in the 37 years since his original speech. The audience is meant to be the queer community, just like his was, but also to be open to those that would listen. Due to its nature, it encompasses public health, politics, humanity, and activism. I didn’t intend for this to be the case but as the project progressed we were diagnosed to be going through a pandemic much like that of what those in the 80s experienced. To this degree, I didn’t mean to scare but frustrate the reader, much like Larry Kramer. I wanted my speech to be uniquely mine, but be reminiscent of the effect that he garnered. I plan to post this to my Tumblrs LGBTQueeries and the-unending-kerfuffle as well as my Instagram @one_steph_from_death. I want to place this speech out into the world. Please feel free to reblog and share and comment and chat with me in the comments!

Larry Kramer started his count when the number was 1,112 and counting. In 1983. Think about that again. In 1983. Thirty-seven years ago. He screamed for help then, knowing full well we’d be obliterated as a group unless we stood up. He refused to be forced to die. 

To frame this, a former entertainment star had been elected to the most powerful political seat in government. His staunch political and religious opinions led to the death of innocent people. He could have saved them by using his voice and asserting a need for research, laws, and education, but instead, let them die impoverished and discriminated against. If the hate and violent crimes didn’t get them, the sickness creeping in would. 

Worst of all, as a community, we knew that he didn’t speak for us. We knew that this hate would kill us, yet we still remain silent. We remained silent as the hate trickled into the deepest pores of our community. We let the hate fester, building up and attaching to the difference among us until it finally separated us and dismantled us. We let the bigotry we so desperately try to run from infiltrate our ranks and break us apart into factions. 

They were treated like lepers and untouchables (Barker & Cran, 2006). Hospital workers were nearly absent, just present enough to not be liable for neglect. Visitors were few and gay lovers, if they stayed, were sent away. Imagine that, slipping away in pain as you lose your vision and ability to breathe, your body starts deteriorating as it is filled with cancer and opportunistic infections. Alone. All alone. 

And when you (inevitably) died your casket wasn’t lined in silk with cushions and roses. Yours was lined with plastic and biohazard material. Your brittle, thin body was crumpled up in the discarded sheets and hospital gowns and thrown into a garbage bag. No one was going to claim you, so no point in going to the morgue. Your toes, if you still had them, weren’t tagged, just set aside with all your other hospital belongings.

But the pain didn’t end there. Like the weekly garbage men, bags were taken to empty spaces and distributed into large, unmarked graves (Kilgannon. 2018). A secluded hole lost to history. A supposed bygone of the middle ages, but here to dispose of Jane and John Does. 

If I was to scream like Larry Kramer, to these separated groups, I’d go hoarse within hours. As of 2018, 35 years after his speech, we have lost 32 million people to HIV/AIDS (CDC, 2020).  That doesn’t include the people from the last 2 years. 

We lost 32 million innocent people. 

Yes, we lost gay men and IV drug users but they are still human. They still had the same dreams and aspirations as everyone else. They could have lived to be designers and playwrights just as well as becoming doctors and lawyers. We lost everyone one from, every walk of life. We lost painters, poets, magicians, musicians, surgeons, dentists, lawyers, physicians, firefighters, police officers, farmers, framers, parents, children. Their blood is on the hands of those that slowly took the life from them. The government is not free from their crimes. 

But honestly, that’s not where the frustration and anger ends. Our history is being erased. Purposefully and eagerly. This situation that I’ve laid before your eyes seems to be that of 1983 and the pain of Ronald Reagan. The horror sounds painfully identical to what we deal with today.

  Our current administration has continued some of these misinformed ideas and hateful actions. The Ryan White Fund, a fund specifically created to create a money source for HIV/AIDS research and treatment have received cutbacks and other plans set in motion like PEPFAR aren’t fairing well either. They are better in this term than in the past, but frankly, that’s not too comforting. This fund was the lifeblood for many organizations and they soon will be bled dry (Forsyth, n.d.). This does not take into account the other actions towards queer people in general. This takes into account only one facet of the government that is working against us. What about the judicial branch and the possibility to be tried for attempted murder for not disclosing your status to your partner (CDC, 2019)?  It’s not like you have to do the same for other STIs. “On the count of giving chlamydia to your partner without disclosing your last date of testing, how does the jury find the defendant?” This doesn’t take into account the possibility you didn’t know of your own status. 

And what if you wished to give blood? Say you’re gay and we’ll even go so far as saying you’re HIV-. They’d turn you away. They’d send you back for 12 months for not being able to prove you didn’t have sex with your male partner for 12+ months. May I remind you that lesbians and heterosexual men and women have gotten HIV and therefore can pass it along? This is possibly a law of Reagan’s 80s, but it’s still in effect TODAY (“LGBTQ Donors”, n.d.).

But I digress. The government is still not free from their crimes and institutionalized hate. I don’t wish to get too political but it is inevitable with the fact we’re all stuck in the past. Again, it’s not where my frustration lies. 

My frustration is formed in the same disappointment that Larry Kramer had. In 37 years not much has changed and that the voice that we have as a community. We gained it with protests through organizations like ACT UP but we’ve apparently been diagnosed with laryngitis because we’ve become oddly silent. HIV/AIDS is not a disease of history. We haven’t cured the earth of this disease. It’s here and stuck to us like your legs to a hot vinyl seat. It affects everyone and intersectionality can increase your risk (CDC, 2019). There’s a reason it’s no longer called “Gay Related Immune Disease”. Yet where the hell are we?

It affects the young and the old. Yet we remain silent, pretending it’s not occurring. 

We can blame it on the straight, cis majority but we are complicit in our own erasure, assimilation, and silencing. 

We let our history fall by the wayside and be covered up with rainbows and pride flags used by businesses in marketing. We let our history be encapsulated by a month handed to us by the majority. 

We let the atrocities that happened be forgotten along with many of the names. 

We isolate those now that are HIV+ from queer-friendly functions, both blatantly and subtlely.

But most importantly we lost our gusto to fight for a better future for the generations that come after us. That’s what stings the most. 

It’s important to remember that this disease is no longer a death sentence. You no longer have to feel the weight of shackles weighing you down towards the underworld. Provided, that is, you have insurance and can pay for your medications. But that is another government issue for another speech. With one pill a day, just like your Flintstones vitamins, you can live a normal life. You can date and with proper precautions, have sex and not pass it along to your partner. Undetectable = Untransmissable (UNAIDS, 2018). 

While this may be a reality for us in our modern-day. I refuse to let those that sacrificed themselves for this cause be forgotten. We lost 32 million people and while I can’t list them all here or scream them to the heavens, I’ll damn well try. Those that came before us, despite their flaws, paved the way for us and I refuse to let them slip away because our government doesn’t like it. Join me in sharing the stories. If you want to see face to face, the humans that we lost, follow accounts like @theaidsmemorial on Instagram. End our silence. If it’s painful for you, imagine how it must feel for the friends and families of those that lost someone of the 32 million. They need your help to speak up. 

We started this with 1,112 and counting. Now we’re at 32 million and counting. Let’s end the counting and start the protesting.

Works Cited

Barker, G., & Cran, W. (2006, May 30). Retrieved from https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/frontline/film/aids/ 

Centers for Disease Control. (2020, January 16). U.S. Statistics. Retrieved from https://www.hiv.gov/hiv-basics/overview/data-and-trends/statistics 

Forsyth, A. D. (n.d.). Powerpoint presentation.

HIV and STD Criminal Laws. (2019, July 1). Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/policies/law/states/exposure.html

HIV by Group. (2019, October 25). Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/group/index.html 

Kilgannon, C. (2018, July 3). Dead of AIDS and Forgotten in Potter's Field. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/03/nyregion/hart-island-aids-new-york.html 

LGBTQ Donors. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.redcrossblood.org/donate-blood/how-to-donate/eligibility-requirements/lgbtq-donors.html 

UNAIDS Explainer. (2018). UNAIDS Explainer. Retrieved from https://www.unaids.org/sites/default/files/media_asset/undetectable-untransmittable_en.pdf 

[serak-sarak-meta-sarahk]

I also as a a The Ring cast member, I have done all parts of that movie for free but fair wage obviously but the fair wage to wholesale free work is in hopes that the cut can be used towards the cause of people needing it and any rspe is not a kink girls still fighting for that to be their altruistic truth and never thrown in their face as a former phrase used as rape starting. Do you not get how deep that meme even is to the FBI? To formerly enslaved women, mostly?

I will never get over hearing, "rape is a kink," as a test tube victim of production screamed that at me after already testing to be farely sober. You might life, however, I still don't.

These are the state to even federal but all political things it is easy to trust if you listen to the house slightly. If you can tell a politician, I want all of this project to be as free as it can be as my ode to this cause whatever money it may make.

Maybe one day they won't drop the documentary, for all of our sakes. And yet, oddly enough, they always want to see the controlled baby hits. Never the mid war baby controlled by oarent for full csrry out slide stunts, instead.

For what I would be afforded. And this is why people really attack. People have dumped hot soup on me for this to no burn marks but I guess even "they" were going controlled hits. Someone once spun their kid into projectile vomiting on me on purpose. Shit like that for asking to donate my The Ring paycheck to anti trafficking building efforts.

I try very hard to not go cynical. Have full negotiated a girl through a 27 hour leaving while deciding hold decided by her the time, thats the point if the FBI, calmly when you know the human who called or screamed for someone to call decides not telling me it's my altruism. Thats the standard only less time usually is standard.

Please don't throw your food at us or force us to be irresponsible or make verbal harsh fast decisions on rape, some girls do call. I have had to carry blanket wrapped naked girls while training for the Olympics who CALLED TO LEAVE. And so in fact for almost every week of my childhood getting all the girls lined up who wanted out was life. I celebrate their calls. We wish the rest a good day at work that day. And those ones don't attack us. They're just like bye dude.

You can tell if they are on drugs drugs angry drugs. Then they go beyond the weird stuff and that law and order shit is real. The weird stuff is just weird let it pass brain. Hearing it on the live set. Even in a child mind it's a secret feeling to let it pass and know in your mind it's just weird. Then if they are on drugs drugs angry type drugs it becomes a statistical financial analysis of what losing the woman whose calling to leave and wuit her job, literally just like on the show. They'd find that stuff. And take them directly cutting for drug tests.

It's ways unhinged when people try to suggest this at people.

Now that I've been rumored around the creepy ring dance girl a name I used to proudly accept as the kind of creepy that horrifies you away or scares you type thing. And to be one whose willing to say for that cause I'd dance for free.