#somehow manage to recognize it for what it is. he's been deeply disconnected from himself for a long time. hes been Lost for even longer

[bcneheaded]

I was just thinking and... Artemis is not kind. yes, for all his friendliness, and all the fancy and amicable language and behaviors he displays outwardly to just about everyone who enters his shop... he's not genuinely nice. Artemis is a demon. in any verse of his, he used to be something akin to a spirit/god of LOVE, but was twisted into Wrath, or Hatred - which is the opposite. After leaving the pits of hell, having his little demonic tantrum and breakdown and finally growing weary and finding some semblance of clarity, he's grown out of what he was once again, and became something new. He's still wrathful, hateful, angry, and morose, but now he's so much more without even realizing. He's evolved and will continue to do so over time even if he stagnates for decades, centuries even. The friendships and relationships with other muses that he develops will influence his personality and the way he views things in time, as we've seen it happen already countless times ofc! And for those who did earn his respect and care, he does truly care for them and would gladly go out of his way for them (to what degree depends entirely on the level of closeness). But again.... Artemis is not kind, by nature and he hasn't been for a very, very long time. He was genuinely just plain and simple EVIL He was a villain - a monster, unrecognizable to how he acts now- doing horrible, unspeakable deeds for the pleasure of it. It's how he got the bones he wears in and on his body. So while he might be polite, charming even, and friendly - if he does not know you... he doesn't care about you nor what happens to you. If say for example, he sees you wandering that ruined cityside he lives in - rampant with entities that prey on the Living - and he saves you from being taken by evil spirits or demons? Chances are good that he did it for himself, or to be spiteful - to deny the other entities their prize (you / your soul). If he doesn't know you, the likelihood that he'll go out of his way for you is very low. But if there's something in it for him, some kind of reason as to why it might be worth his time and energy to actually step in... he might! But like all demons, it's good to be wary and to assume he doesn't care about you or your well-being, at least at first!! Artemis is not nice, but that doesn't mean he's malicious or cruel (anymore. not intentionally - he's quite literally under the mindset that he's just 'too old and tired for that nonsense'.) Artemis is manipulative, charming, cunning - he's everything you expect from a demon (though without a host, so he's certainly not attractive in any semblance of a conventional manner lmao - but he dresses well! and I think it's also telling just how-- *gestures at all that* --that he actually is, considering he's NOT attractive... but still puts people at ease, mostly, and can charm them to hell and back if he wanted to. He uses that not to manipulate people per say ?? like, he does not have an evil agenda by any means. He's just existing at this point, distanced from the gods and devils and just living his... life(?) if you can call it that. He's TRYING to do better. But he's still just... a demonic entity. A greater demon, for sure, if he had to be equated to some kind of level or whatever, but a demon nonetheless. But even for demons, there can be growth! and he is growing, very very slowly.

[puppy-phum]

pingxie thoughts (and prayers) pt. 3

hello friends and pals and random peepers! it’s been a while again, mostly bc i’ve ended up binging way too many other dramas instead of rewatching ultimate note. but now i’ve watched three more episodes and finally got to one of the scenes that actually made me start this whole damn thing! so please enjoy (or suffer, your pick)!

and ah, as a side note: am very grateful that they have removed the chinese subs from the episodes! expect a ton of new edits from me in the future ^^ 

Xiaoge and the meaning of food

This is a random tiny detail I’ve paid attention to bc of some personal stuff am not going to talk about. It’s just very interesting to watch Xiaoge doing normal, mundane things when he’s been so strictly honed into being something infinitely more. You don’t always come to think about the great Zhang Qiling and his relationship with something as natural as eating.

(placing under cut once again bc this got longer than expected!)

I am especially paying attention to two scenes in this (with a third one on the side as an extra): the moment in episode 9 where Xiaoge finds the extra food Wu Xie left for him, and then the scene in episode 11 where they have survived the night with the snake invasion. As an extra, I also consider the beginning scene of episode 11 where Xiaoge returns and Wu Xie very petulantly offers him the asked food. On all occasions there are some heavy meanings placed on food (and sharing it?), and as someone who always wonders about Xiaoge’s relationship with his own body, I came up with a couple of interesting thoughts.

First of all, I think the whole fandom knows and agrees on Xiaoge being very… dissociative when it comes to his own body. He has been brought up via pain and fighting, he has learned to trust in his own blood as a weapon, has become overly aware of his body’s every function bc he always has to know his condition, and while doing that, he has forgotten how his body feels. He has forgotten how it feels to want to be touched or his boundaries being respected, and bc of this, he has learned to treat his own body as an instrument for survival instead of something to be taken care of or valued.

And here, in walks Wu Xie. Young and naive and very, very physically affectionate Wu Xie (and Pangzi, let’s not forget our resident cuddler). You can see it in TLT1 and 2 when Wu Xie just keeps getting close to ppl and giving shoulder pats to everyone and having no issues with any of that. We see it in Ultimate Note when Wu Xie lets ppl to just cuddle him in his sleep (I keep saying he’s everyone’s chosen body pillow for a reason). The same thing continues in Reboot where we get possibly the cuddliest Wu Xie to date. But that’s not really the point here. The point is – Xiaoge doesn’t have boundaries. No one has ever allowed him to have those. For him, physical touch is mostly violent. No one really treats him as a friend and then we have Wu Xie.

But this post is not about physical touch bc at this point, that is pretty much established. Pingxie are very comfortable with touching each other (for as long as censorship is fine with it too) tho they don’t touch as often or as excessively as Wu Xie and Pangzi for example. For them it’s small bc Wu Xie knows that Xiaoge has never been allowed his boundaries (and especially in Ultimate Note he comes very aware of this after we learn about Ah Kun) and he doesn’t want to force Xiaoge into anything as long as he doesn’t know what he wants. So, physical touch aside, what else are we left with? Xiaoge taking care of himself. And more specifically: eating (bc Xiaoge’s blood obsession is another topic, and I guess we all are aware of his (and Wu Xie’s) issues with that and Xiaoge getting hurt in general).

So, in episode 9 we see this brief moment after Xiaoge has chased after the mud man (his acquaintance, Chen Wenjin) and Wu Xie and the others have inevitably moved on without him, where Xiaoge returns alone to their previous camp. He discovers his backpack and Wu Xie’s note which says: “Xiaoge, we’re off to look for Sanshu. The rainforest is dangerous. Be careful.”. Before reading the note, he’s gone through the supplies left for him. Chen Wenjin points out that there is extra food, and Xiaoge tells her instantly that Wu Xie left it for him. It is implied that it’s an occurring theme in their relationship: Wu Xie leaving Xiaoge some extra food.

From what I know of Asian cultures in general, sharing food, eating together, and making sure that your loved ones have eaten is a big thing. It’s not even limited to proper meals, continuing to simple things like snacks and drinks too. But then we put in the aspect of survival and food being a slowly dwindling resource. Here, Wu Xie has deliberately decided that Xiaoge needs this food more than he himself does. He has, in some sense, decided to go hungry in favor of Xiaoge. It’s like him saying, “Here, take this from mine. Because I know you get hungry too. Because I know you are human in that way too even if you tell me you’re fine.”

In relation to this, I wanted to bring in the “extra” scene I chose, the scene we see in the beginning of episode 11 (which is also probably all of our favorite silly Pingxie scene, right? At least I get a stupid smile on my face every time). In that, Wu Xie is following suspicious footprints to one of the tents. He is expecting a fight (Boy has a damn shovel! He’s ready to whoop ass!) and rushes in – only to find (a very muddy) Xiaoge looking for what other than food. Apparently, his stock has run dry. His only words to a furious Wu Xie are, “Food.” I don’t even blame Wu Xie for instantly melting at that, it’s so sincere.

I think about this scene a lot (for other things than Wu Xie’s adorable crumbled face as he shakes his tiny fists in fury). I wonder, how often does Xiaoge ask for food like this? Bc I somehow can’t believe that it’s often, knowing who he is. Maybe it’s a distraction technique against Wu Xie bc he knows that Wu Xie is worried about him, and what better way to make Wu Xie think about other things than to look miserable while attempting to get food? It’s working perfectly imo. Tho Wu Xie is still asking about things and Xiaoge refuses to answer bc well, he can’t stop Wu Xie from asking. But it’s somehow so funny to me that Xiaoge’s go to tactic for making amends is allowing Wu Xie to take care of him in this very simple and mundane way.

Then finally to the scene I based all of this around. This is a scene at the end-ish of episode 11 where the day has come again after their hellish night of fighting against snakes. Pingxie have crawled out of their shared and collapsed tent to see the mostly destroyed camp. They are eating porridge. Or Wu Xie is eating it bc here’s the deal: Xiaoge isn’t eating at all.

I dunno why on my first watch of Ultimate Note, this was the scene that totally broke me. I didn’t cry before this bc everything managed to be so light with all the humor but then I saw them sitting here and it just opened up a faucet. The moment Panzi asks if Xiaoge is alright (boy was poisoned during the night and Pangzi didn’t even know if Wu Xie succeeded at getting the serum to him, gosh the stress) and Xiaoge doesn’t really answer and then Wu Xie reaches out to squeeze his shoulder like he’s making sure – yeah. That was a lot to take in. Bc then Wu Xie says, “Have some porridge.” And Xiaoge nods and proceeds not to touch his plate.

What I gathered from my thoughts – once I was done sobbing that time and now, after watching this again – is that I’m not sure how often Xiaoge has forgotten to eat. He is going through stuff basically every day. He goes to places where eating isn’t always an option or even a possibility. He has learned to survive, yes, and he knows that food is a necessity for that but how often has he convinced himself that he doesn’t need that either? How often has he just not eaten, especially if there are others around? I must say that I think it’s quite often.

Because, think about it: even here, with his friends, after one hell of a night, he sits with a plate in his hands and doesn’t even touch the porridge on it. He acknowledges that he has food at all only after Wu Xie has told him to eat. Wu Xie looks so worried while saying that (and his shoulder squeeze before this seems like he’s noticing how skinny Xiaoge is). And I don’t really know how to put this into words but I just feel like Xiaoge needs guiding with his eating habits? He has eaten whatever or nothing at all for so long that it just. Isn’t a habit anymore. Food feels foreign to him. Enjoying food feels even more foreign. Regarding food as something he, too, needs, instead of allowing others to take it as they are more human than he is – that’s something he needs to learn again. And I dunno how it’s going but Wu Xie and Pangzi are doing their utmost best.

So, yeah. Food is a weird thing. I dunno how any of this really came out but my point is: Xiaoge has disconnected from his own body in so many ways and so deeply that even these basic human things sometimes feel foreign to him. And only in relation to Wu Xie (and Pangzi), he’s finally recognizing that. That is probably also why they work so well, why Wu Xie becomes so important to him. Why Wu Xie, as someone who tries to bring out Xiaoge’s humanity, works so well bc he’s so thorough in showing that. His attempts at convincing Xiaoge of him being human don’t stop at him trying to show that Xiaoge is a good man but go deeper, into these very basic, instinctual things like touch and rest and eating which Xiaoge has also forgotten bc he’s not been allowed to be.

[crystalninjaphoenix]

MerMay 2021 Day Twenty-Three A Strange Place

There was a bright light shining nearby. But it wasn’t a natural light, not like sunlight or bioluminescence. The water was fresher, less salty than he was used to. And there were...strands, or something. Brushing against his arms, chest, and face. Where...was he?

Voices. He tried to focus on those. They didn’t sound familiar...what were they saying? He couldn’t understand them. Maybe because they sounded a bit far away? No...it wasn’t just that. He couldn’t recognize the words. The language. But that was impossible. Unless—

Jack sat straight up, eyes flying open. Water splashed across the floor—the floor?! A floor. With air, he was gasping air now. He looked down at himself first. There were several tubes and wires connected to his arms and chest, and he saw more floating around in the tank—the tank?!

He finally looked up. And saw he was in a room. The walls and ceiling were metallic, the floor was tiled. And there were humans. A lot of them, wearing similar clothes. Dark blue jackets, mostly, though a couple had these white jackets on instead. There were tables with things on them that he didn’t recognize, things like boards of buttons and vertical slabs that gave off bluish light and more wires. All the humans were freaking out, some shouting in their human language—the ones in white seemed to be in charge—others standing up and running around doing who knows what, and some just staring at him.

“Wh—what’s going on?” Jack asked, despite knowing that the humans wouldn’t be able to understand him. He twisted around, seeing these weird...displays? With glowing writing and...numbers, right? He looked up, nearly blinding himself by staring at the rectangular lights attached to the ceiling. He leaned out of the tank and looked down at the floor, seeing more tubes, these ones attached to the side of the tank and flowing with water. But in all this observation, he didn’t see any entrances to the room. “Where am I?!”

One of the humans in white—a woman, right?—gestured at another one, then pointed at Jack. The second human balked for a bit, but the woman in the white jacket insisted, so he stood up and slowly started walking over.

Jack didn’t like this. The place was giving him a bad feeling. What happened?! How did he get here?! The last thing he remembered, he was meeting up with Jackie and Chase—Sam was there, she was a bit nervous—was she okay?—And there was a vague memory of something else. Maybe a dream? Where there was this glowing green light and someone talking...or singing.

With the human walking closer, without knowing what was going on, where he was, or what any of these people wanted, Jack panicked. “Hey! Stay away!” He leaned farther out of the tank, lifting himself up until he collapsed onto the dry ground. All the wires and tubes got disconnected. The humans in the room sounded alarmed. “Fuck, no. Ba—bad idea.”

The woman in white pulled a metallic rectangle off her belt, pressing a button and saying something. Contacting others? Then she pointed at a couple more humans and shouted what sounded like orders. Those humans stood up and walked over to join the first one.

“Hey! No! Back off!” Jack scrambled against the ground, tail flapping uselessly. As the humans got closer, started to circle around him—no no no, that probably wasn’t good—he managed to pull himself under the tank. It was held off the ground a bit—not by much, and there were more water tubes making the underneath area crowded and even smaller. But he squeezed in, pulling his tail close. One of the humans got down and reached towards him, but he slapped their hand away. “Stay away! Go! Out! Back!” Hopefully they could understand the warnings from the tone of his voice.

Maybe they did, because the humans backed away. He could see their feet shuffling about. “Okay...yeah, good.” Jack breathed deeply, trying to slow it down. Okay...maybe he could figure out what was going on here. He was in a room, probably on dry land, with a bunch of humans who were giving him an uneasy feeling. The way they kept staring at him was...weird. He didn’t like it. So this probably wasn’t a good situation. Had he been...captured, somehow? Why? How? Why couldn’t he remember?

The humans were back to crouching around the tank now. New ones, wearing different clothes. Black jackets now, with some yellow writing on the chest. Jack stared out at them. These ones were holding poles of some sort. Then, quicker than he could follow, one of those poles jabbed him in the side.

“Hey!” Jack yelped. He scooted backwards, but then more of those poles came, prodding his tail and torso. “Assholes! Leave me alone!” There wasn’t any room to roll over, so he couldn’t face away from the poles. He could just back up, or maybe get out from under the—wait. “Oh, I get it. You’re trying to drive me out, huh? Well fuck you. I’m staying here.”

They seemed to catch on that this approach wasn’t going to work, and for a moment the poles retreated as the humans discussed what to do next. Then, all of a sudden, the poles came back, no longer jabbing, but instead steadily pressing with enough force to push Jack across the floor. “Ow!” Protecting his chest and head with one arm, he tried to push the poles back with his other. But there just wasn’t enough room for maneuverability. He couldn’t get them all. And slowly, they managed to push him to the other side of the tank, where—

“Hey!” Jack cried out as someone grabbed him from behind and started to pull him out. He grabbed vainly at some of the water tubes, but they slipped away. A human dragged him out from under the tank and lifted him up. Immediately, Jack changed his approach, twisting around and aiming a punch at the human’s nose. The hit landed with a solid thwack! and the human yelled, dropping him. Unfortunately, they dropped him directly into the tank from before, so now he was lying with his upper half submerged and part of his tail sticking out.

The water felt good, but that wasn’t the point! He didn’t know what they wanted! Jack tried to sit up, but more humans reached in and held him under the water. Another tried to grab his tail, so he flailed wildly, managing to repel them until even more humans showed up and overpowered his efforts. They pushed his tail back into the tank, and then—SLAM! A glass lid fell onto the top of the tank, blocking him in.

Jack pounded against the lid, but to no avail. A pair of humans was holding it tight as a couple more went around the edge of the tank and secured the lid in place. And once it was locked down, the humans all relaxed. He could see them through the glass and water, milling about, talking to each other.

“Fuck...” Jack gave up, covering his face with his hands. “How...how the hell did this happen?” He had no idea, but it looked like, as of right now, there was no way out.

[f-nodragonart]

ok wait I have one more rant abt American Dragon and I swear I’m done, but the whole concept of a ‘leader’ dragon for every country is very.... strange to me

like ok, suspension of disbelief for vague hand-wavey magic, or the existence of magical creatures, etc. fine fine. but the whole PREMISE of the show is built around the concept of an American Dragon-- yet that concept is so incredibly, frustratingly vague. like I said in my original review, I’m willing to excuse a lot for a simple kid’s show that isn’t looking to worldbuild super deeply, but the main premise at the VERY least should have SOME planning behind it

for one, the physical size and population distribution of each country varies WILDLY across the globe, it’s honestly stupid to assign the same number of ‘leader’ dragons (one) to each, and expect each dragon to serve their respective country to the same degree of competence. the US is a fuckin MASSIVE country w/ two states disconnected from the mainland, and SEVERAL different biomes that have contributed to diverse sets of populations (which would likely be reflected among magical creatures as well, culturally and biologically-speaking). it’s ridiculous to expect ONE dragon to serve, represent, and protect ALL those populations

and the thing is, Jake DOESN’T do that! he’s a New York Dragon at best. the only times I remember him helping out w/ magical emergencies out-of-state are when he’s traveling for personal reasons (like visiting family) or when he’s tending to dragon council business, in which case most dragons across the world are gathering there too (not to mention these instances are generally out-of-country)

having a ‘leader’ dragon assigned to a bio/cultural region without even bothering with human borders would make FAR more sense (esp since the dragons don’t even wanna bother w/ the human world anyways, so why are they assigning things based on human constructs??). hell, there could even still be dragons representing larger areas too, so long as it was established that they’re the more broad-scope representatives that must regularly convene with the dragon representatives of the smaller regions under their jurisdiction. this would assure that each dragon is truly an intimate member of the communities they’re assigned to, rather than some outsider intruding on important matters that they simply can’t understand w/o cultural context. this especially makes sense if we assume that dragon forms are magical/psychological projections of the cultural society that a given dragon is raised in, rather than a *strictly* biological body whose traits are genetically inherited (tho like I said in my main review, I’m rly doubtful of that actually being canon to the show...)

now, it would admittedly be p cool if the show took the time to pull Jake across the nation to explore different cultural/ecological regions and the magical creatures within. but that’s expecting a lot from a show that only establishes that Jake is part-Chinese on the most shallow of levels, and fails to explore Chinese culture in any intimate manner beyond ONE(1) episode about the Chinese new year. like, the bar is on the ground, here

and even if some attention had been paid to America’s diverse cultural settings, I’d still be skeptical of Jake being able to handle the whole nation on his own. hell, I’m skeptical of an ADULT dragon being able to handle a nation as huge as the US, much less a tween handling the whole thing. I already take huge issue w/ kid’s shows framing dangerous, mature situations as “normal” responsibilities for children to encounter and just “get over”, as if they’re as commonplace and simple as like, studying for class. so every time Jake is reprimanded for not managing his time properly when he’s running on 10 min of sleep after facing off against angry trolls, or trying to take some free time for himself when he’s missed out on every other chance at a normal middle school milestone, I genuinely seethe w/ rage

at least w/ most other kid’s shows there’s some explanation I can accept for the main character having to go through that kinda stress. like w/ Danny Phantom, Danny unfortunately goes thru a freak accident, and he can’t tell his ghost-hunting parents abt it for fear that they might tear him apart for science or misguided protection, and he decides on his own that he has some responsibility to use his powers for active good (tho DP still pulls the “ghost-fighting is just like balancing school and a social life!” bullshit that I HATE..). or w/ Steven Universe, all this responsibility was thrust on Steven by adults who didn’t understand the consequences of their actions or had no other choice, and Steven’s currently dealing w/ the massive emotional fallout of having his childhood stolen from him

but with American Dragon, like... this shit is PLANNED. the council carefully CHOOSES the dragon for each nation-- these adults have a RESPONSIBILITY to both a whole WORLD of magical creatures AND their dragon subordinates to choose capable, mature dragons to lead the magical world. and for some reason they decide that this responsibility should fall on the shoulders of LITERAL CHILDREN?? who was the previous American Dragon? where the hell are they now? (Neopuff pointed out to me that Jake is in fact the first AD, which is even even more suspect than before! what!!) even if Jake is chosen to be a potential future AD, why does he have to take on that full responsibility now?? why isn’t a seasoned adult taking care of the bulk of responsibilities until Jake grows up??? like I get that children’s power fantasies hit different when ur an adult b/c u can recognize what responsibilities a child shouldn’t have to deal with-- I GET that it’s good to let children explore mature responsibilities in fiction, I’m not arguing that. but these responsibilities should at LEAST make sense in-context, and NO adult should have knowingly thrust these duties on literal children w/o some DAMN good explanation for why they literally CAN’T assign dragon duties to adults. not to mention that the whole, “you’re selfish and need to learn better time management skills,” thing is such an insidious message to direct at kids who should literally only be expected to... be kids? I’m SO fucking mad abt this!!!

and don’t even get me STARTED on the fact that Jake is being trained by the Chinese Dragon, and Haley by the Korean Dragon. like, again, the show establishes that there’s only one ‘leader’ dragon for every nation, and that Lao Shi and Sun are the current dragons of their respective countries-- they haven’t resigned, as far as we know. so like, what happened to China and Korea (and now that I think abt it, which Korea??)? they just don’t have dragon protectors? fuck them, I guess, they’re on their own now? b/c training American dragons is so much more important than protecting their own countries? b/c a Chinese and Korean dragon somehow have better knowledge of American magical communities than the dragons that have actually been living there and presumably been serving those communities for decades (and b/c every Asian country is apparently interchangeable, so a Korean dragon is obviously perfectly fit to understand the cultural background of part-Chinese dragons)? hello???

now I AM at least willing to consider that perhaps the dragon council runs on enough shallow bureaucracy that their predecessors just arbitrarily decided to assign a single, young dragon to each country, and the current council is too stubborn to change that tradition even in the face of its clear problems. like, actual real-life political systems are absolutely fucked, so it tracks that a fantasy political system could be similarly broken. this doesn’t explain all the fuckshit, but it might at least explain some of the fuckshit. BUT none of these problems are ever brought up in the show, so we have to assume that they are somehow, canonically......... not actually problems..... ugh.............

and none of this even BEGINS to tackle the weird dragon monarchy over all magical-kind. like this obviously isn’t exclusive to AD, u see this sorta bloodline-bound authority thing in a LOT of western fantasy media. but the fact that the dragon council seems so utterly incompetent when u pick apart all the above issues, I’m just sitting here like... how have the trolls/elves/merfolk/etc. not guillotined y’all yet? lmfao

-Mod Spiral

[5sospank]

back to you - calum one shot

word count: 6,550

rating: NSFW

keywords: angst, smut, fluff

summary: You and Calum parted ways. However, the temptation rises when he picks up the phone and reminds you of your history. 

a/n: this ended up being super emo and fluffy at the same time but i’m okay with it. enjoyyyy

He was all around you. He was the moment, everything you could taste and touch and see and feel. You couldn’t rid yourself of him if you tried. His mere presence had stained your skin, its solidity melting with time, leaking through your pores and into your bloodstream. You were haunted by the thought of him, the vision of his eyes triggering your dreams to cast in the deep color that they held. He was all around you and you loved everything about that, somehow.

Until he was gone. Until you had to bring the sheets to your nose and inhale his scent that was beginning to fade. Until you had to force yourselves to delete the pictures from your phone and the memories from your brain, although they never truly left. Until you were left with no choice but to move on, no matter how difficult it proved to be.

And sure, you were happy enough with the new person you had welcomed into your life in effort to fill the void that he had left behind. It was easy to distract yourself from the pictures of him that were floating around the entirety of the internet, plastered over the faces of the most prestigious of tabloids, and hell - he was even in the newspapers. You were silly to ever think you could escape him.

In fact, Calum was someone you could never escape. Not even when you mailed him back every present he had ever gifted you with, or not even when you found yourself spending yet another month with that Someone New who paled in comparison to who you believed the love of your life to be. Calum was etched into your skin like an irreversible tattoo, one that was faded but still prominent enough to the point where you could make out its curves and edges, its character and personality. And you supposed that was exactly how you felt about him - he was gone, but not completely. He lived in your memory, stationed there in the back of your brain, almost waiting for you to revisit that chapter of your life; waiting for you to return his phone calls, his texts, even the few sporadic postcards he had sent from the countries you two once vacationed to as a couple.

You didn’t know what it was that was stopping you, other than the fact that you had a new partner who treated you like an absolute princess, although there was still that disconnect. That detachment resonated within you because of the fact that you were still living in your past with Calum. You couldn’t wholly move on - not when everything in was left unfinished.

So you weren’t entirely surprised once you found that tiny ounce of courage you once perpetually held, the fire that burned deep inside of your heart. You had broken up with your current boyfriend, swallowed down the guilt and tried desperately not to think of the hurt that had spread across his face, and once he left your apartment, you were dialing Calum’s phone number just minutes later. It seemed wrong - it was wrong, really - but you knew you had to do this for yourself.

And he answered your call on the second ring. At first, you heard him sigh into the receiver, almost as if he was bracing himself, but then you recognized his voice and its rasp and the tired tone that his words held. “You finally called me, Y/N. I - wow.”

You sucked in a sharp breath, unsure of the right reply that seemed to fit with his statement. In truth, Calum probably knew about your new relationship, having heard about it through mutual friends, and maybe that was what had provided you with the hesitation to call. Or maybe it was the fear that he would be gone again and the two of you would consecutively give up because of the long distance or because of the constant arguing. You were dysfunctional. Maybe it was supposed to be that way. Maybe that was why you had waited so long to call.

So you said your hello, your hands practically shaking as you held the phone to your ear and listened as Calum offered to come pick you up from your place and take you back to his, to catch up, to talk. You knew what he was truly implying, and your spirits lifted at the supposed thought of revisiting your life with him. You could virtually taste him all over again, feel his palms sliding over the curves of your body, the color of his eyes still haunting you. Except now, it could all be a reality.

Soon enough, you were shoving your arms through the sleeves of an old sweater, pulling the material over your head and checking your appearance one last time. You didn’t look your best, mostly because you didn’t have the time to really groom yourself, but strangely, you felt comfortable with the way you looked. You always did when Calum was around.

An elevator ride down to the lobby later and a walk into the parking lot was what led you to him. He drove a nicer car now, some sort of flashy BMW that he wasn’t able to afford the year prior, but it was expected. His band had blown up over that past twelve months, skyrocketing in sales and touring and just about everything else that publicity included. However, now that they were taking a break, you knew that Calum was finding his roots again, wanting to return back to reality and reconnect with the familiarity of his old life. And that was exactly what you were - familiar.

So you pulled open the passenger door and ignored the heavy beating of your heart, noting the vehicle’s deeply tinted windows and the way it already smelled of Calum. A few CDs were strewn across the carpeted floor, their cases cracked and stepped on as you nudged them away with the toe of your boot. And then you looked at him.

When his eyes met yours, it was as if the air in the car had been sucked out into oblivion, leaving you both completely breathless and speechless. His skin was brown, even darker from spending the week before on some tropical island with his friends. His hair was longer, starting to grow out into its darker, wavier look, even hanging over his forehead a bit. He looked well-rested and happier than he did when you saw him last - the day that you both walked out on one another, leaving everything unfinished in an over expensive hotel room located in a city that was foreign to you. But he was here now, months later, looking at you the same as he always did. And it gave you butterflies - the same way it always did.

“God, I missed you.” He said immediately, reaching over the gearshift, his arms stretching around you, pulling you as close as he could.

You were brought back to yourself when your face was to his chest. His grasp on you was still and continuous. He didn’t want to let you go and you were already melting into him, caving into his figure. You reveled in his scent and the way his touch brought you back to life, all the emotions you had felt when you were with him, allowing them to hit you all at once. It was a peculiar feeling - everything feeling both different and the same.

“I missed you, too,” you finally whispered back, “so much.”

He nodded in return. It was mutual when you both pulled away, still studying one another. You could feel his eyes scanning over your appearance just as you were doing to him, noting the changes and the similarities, how you had cut your hair and recently tried out a new perfume. He noticed everything. How could he not? He grew up with you, then fell in love with you. Calum knew everything there was to know about you, and ultimately, that was why he was all around you - because he became a large part of you, of who you were.

He eventually brought himself to turn away and retreat his hands back to the wheel once a car behind beeped. It startled you both, causing you to realize that you weren’t just in some dreamlike haze. This was reality. You were right back next to him, even if it was a great deal of time later.

So Calum began to drive back in the direction of the city. He told you all about how he finally managed to buy his own place and move out of his parents’ home, how great it felt to own something that was only his. He told you about the rest of his tour and the vacation him and his band went on. He told you all about his friends and how they were doing - how they admitted to missing you, surprisingly - and he filled you in on everything that had happened ever since you two parted ways. It was small talk. It made you uncomfortable.

“Calum…” You spoke his name after he attempted to ask you how your family was holding up. “I know you didn’t clog up my voicemail messages for two weeks just because you wanted to know how my family has been doing.”

He chuckled dryly, tightening his hands around the sleek black steering wheel. You observed his Adam’s apple bob in his throat while he swallowed, keeping his eyes trained on the road ahead. His jaw was set and his side profile was just as shockingly beautiful as ever. “I know. I know. We just...never figured anything out. I missed you and I wanted to see you. I wanted to come back.”

You bit down on your lower lip, your stomach jolting at his words. “Come back to what?”

“Back home,” he murmured instantly. “Back to you.”

Your sharp gaze on him faltered, your stare averting to the tattoos that lined the inside of his hands. The hum of the radio was white noise to you. You could barely hear anything other than the thoughts in your own head and the words that Calum had just spoke, the way that they were lingering on end for you to digest while he pulled down a short street that was lined with houses, protected by a privacy layer of tall trees and shrubbery. It was difficult to see in the dark of the night, but once Calum turned the car up a winding driveway and parked in front of a large house, you knew this was where he lived.

He put the vehicle in park and pulled the keys from the ignition, leaning back into the driver’s seat with a tired sigh. It was evident that he noticed you hadn’t offered up a reply to his confession, only let the silence consume you both in the confines of his car. But your mind was turning over the words in your head, your thoughts frantic and swimming.

“Well,” you mumbled. “It didn’t feel like home without you.”

Calum let his eyes trace over your face, unable to fathom what you had said. He gazed at you, at your beauty and how it was familiar yet strangely foreign. He had seen you so many times from when the both of you were little kids to then in that moment, but he was sure that it had never felt better to see the stoic expression in the pools of your irises. He was finally back with you.

“Let’s go inside.” He whispered.

So you did. You unbuckled your seatbelt and smiled uneasily, noting that he was the one who didn’t have a response for you then. You pushed open the passenger door and stood to your feet, noting the coolness in the air and allowing your eyes to study his front yard. Everything was beautifully kept up, which told you that Calum clearly hadn't been living there long enough to destroy the property with a massive house party.

You walked toward the front steps while he trailed closely behind you, placing his hand on the small of your back as you walked up the front steps and waited outside the door. He fished around the pocket of his jacket before pulling out his keys again and letting you inside, flicking on the lights and watching the way you looked around his front foyer.

“Your place is really nice, Cal.” You commented quietly. Everything was stark white and decorated modernly, with tile flooring and a few paintings here and there. A pair of his shoes sat by the door, triggering you to toe yours off before following him to where you presumed the kitchen would be.

And you were right. You found yourself leaning against his island table, the granite countertop feeling cool beneath your palms. You observed him as he ducked into the fridge and held up a six pack of Coronas, which definitely weren’t your beer of choice, but you took what you could get considering Calum drank them like they were water.

In silence, he cracked your bottle open for you and then his own, meeting your eyes as he tipped your glass bottles together. “Cheers.” He said lowly, suppressing a grin.

You rolled your eyes and took a swig.

-

Approximately thirty minutes later, you were well on your way to drunk. You could feel the alcohol buzzing in your veins and blurring your brain as you sat next to Calum, still in his kitchen while the rest of his house was still dark. You had listened as he told you about his travels, about writing his new music, about everything. There was so much to talk about, yet you couldn’t find any words. You were too overwhelmed by his presence, so you only listened until you found somewhere to butt in and offer a few words. “I really do like the new house, Calum. Who knew you had such great taste in interior decor.”

It was his turn to roll his eyes at you. His cheeks were flushed slightly and his stare was glazed over, his proximity to you increasing with every passing minute. You couldn’t help it either. It was like some sort of gravitational pull.

“I don’t spend much time here, if you couldn’t tell.” Calum spoke softly. “I usually crash at Ashton’s.”

Your eyebrows knit together. “Why?”

He shrugged, looking around the expansive kitchen. “It’s too big. Gets kind of lonely and quiet, I guess.” He said. “I actually bought it a while ago...around the same time we were breaking up. I just moved in a few weeks ago, though.”

You met his eyes and your stomach jolted. He was gazing down at you intently, his stare boring into yours as if he could practically read your thoughts. But he knew what you were thinking without having some sort of superhuman power to get inside your brain. He was well aware that you knew exactly why it took him so long to move in.

“You bought this house for us to move into together,” you paused, “didn’t you?”

He hesitated. Then he nodded.

You felt your heart sinking as you averted your gaze and held your beer tighter in your hand. It made you feel regretful to know that he had plans for the two of you, but it was ruined by the distance and irrational fights and your innate desire to move on and find someone who you could be with all the time. But it wasn’t the same, and that was why you were back here. With him.

When you looked back up at Calum, he was still watching you, gauging your reaction to this realization. His eyes scanned your face in the silence of his home and he adjusted his position on the stool he was sat in, his knees bumping against your own. His hands inching closer to you. His lips parting. His breaths hitting your chin.

And then he was leaning in, slowly but surely, time freezing while your actions continued. His lips on yours awakened you. You could taste his tongue and the way that even though it had been so much time, that had stayed the same. His kiss was slow and sweet and smooth, the way that you had remembered it as for this past year when you thought about him on the nights you just couldn’t keep him locked in the back of your brain anymore. You let yourself mold into him perfectly, your grasp cupping his face as his moved to push your hair back and out of the way. It was perfect.

Calum’s hands wandered from your hair down to your waist, where his fingers ducked beneath the material of your sweater so that he could feel your skin. Easily, you became wrapped up in his scent and the way that it was as if you were stuck on pause until someone finally hit resume just minutes ago. You kissed him until your breathing was ragged and your lips were virtually numb, until all you could think of was Calum.

He pulled away reluctantly. His hands slid down your back as he leaned in to press his lips to yours once more, then another time before he detached himself from you completely. “Sorry,” he muttered breathlessly. “I know you have a boyfriend.”

You couldn’t help but smile, as twisted as it was. A small wave of guilt flooded through you but it was gone quickly, replaced by the feeling of Calum’s hands still rubbing circles on your back. “I broke up with my boyfriend today.” You murmured. “It was hard to be in a relationship with someone else when I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

Calum shook his head in hesitation, then leaned in again to brush his lips over yours gently. His hands were snaking up your shirt up your shirt once more, recognizing the texture of your skin and the way that you always got goosebumps no matter the manner in which he touched you. A familiar chill ran up your spine as his tongue rolled over your own swiftly before he bit down on your bottom lip and pulled back, then leaned in to kiss you all over again. He was working you up in a matter of minutes.

You let your palms lay flat on his chest as the both of you stood to your feet and ditched the stools. You could feel the fast pace in which his heart was beating. Your kisses slowed as you eased into the moment, the excitement within you bubbling into lust that heated you up indefinitely. You could feel it within you when Calum’s hands slid down your body, resting on the underside of your thighs until he lifted you up, allowing you to wrap your legs around him. Your bodies were as close as could be, his tongue swiping of yours inadvertently.

You knew it was wrong that you were with Calum so intimately after just breaking up with your boyfriend, but it certainly didn’t feel wrong. He was like nobody else - the way that he knew everything about you, having been your friend since you were just his neighbor who happened to have a massive crush on the boy who lived right next to you. He was one of the only people who knew you like a book, having read your pages over and over again, absorbing their words. He meant something to you and that was all that mattered in that moment.

You let your lips drag over his until you were leaning back so that he could sit you up on the kitchen counter. You were perched before him, his tall stature looming over you as his eyes frantically flitted over your face. He reached for the hem of your shirt and pulled it up and over your head, exposing the flimsy bralette that you had been wearing beneath. His gaze quickly raked over your torso, his lips parted as a deep breath escaped from behind his teeth. “So fuckin’ pretty, baby,” he whispered, eyes meeting yours once again. “Always have been.”

You couldn’t help but smile up at him once you registered his words. It almost felt to surreal to even hear his voice in person again. Sure, you had barely been able to escape him considering his band was practically everywhere, but this was different. He was talking to you like you put the stars in the sky, his voice adoring and his eyes looking at you like an artist would admire their finest work.

You had never escaped him at all.

He leaned in again and reconnected your lips, humming into the kiss. His palms skimmed over your skin slowly as the pace between you two decreased, allowing him to truly revel in the moment. His fingertips traced over the lace material of your bralette, teasingly snapping the elastic material against your ribcage. You could feel his smirk as he kissed you, how the fluid passion was transitioning so sweetly.

His hands wandered every inch of your skin without cease as if you would disappear at any given moment. His palms dropped from your chest down to your waist, sliding over its curvature until his fingers were pressing into the flesh on your hips, his tongue languidly moving against yours. You could taste the beer on his breath and the way it mirrored your own, and you could feel the way his skin beneath your palms was warm, contrasting to the cool granite that you were currently sat on.

Calum stepped closer to you and pulled your body to his front so that your lower halves made contact, the initial sensation making you expel a shallow breath. Your legs tightened around his figure, your nails absently pressing into his shoulders over the material of his shirt. Absently, you lowered your touch until you were able to tug at its hem, signaling that you wanted it off.

Briefly, Calum detached himself from you with a heavy sigh, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it to the floor. You let your eyes wander over his smooth skin and the way it rippled over his developing muscle, his stomach still soft and his arms toned, littered with the numerous tattoos that you had seen time after time before.

You pulled him closer to you again and kissed him fiercely, running your fingertips down his torso, noting the way that he shivered at the sensation. You were slowly remembering Calum’s likes and dislikes, how his body moved with yours so well, how he loved kissing you more than anything in the world. Those were the things that you had tried so badly to forget, yet here you were again, craving to know them so well again.

Calum’s hands moved up to grip your face gently, tilting your head back as he pulled away to look you in the eye. His breathing was slightly labored and his pupils were dilated as he studied you. “We’re going to my bedroom.”

You laughed breathily at his blunt statement. With an easy nod, you moved to push yourself off the countertop, but your actions were swiftly interrupted when Calum scooped you up into his arms and held you bridal style. He was already moving in the direction of his room down the hallway.

“Was this really necessary?” You asked despite the smile on your face.

Calum only nodded, his jaw clenching as he pushed open his door and set you on the bed with ease, feeling satisfied when you automatically pulled him down on top of you. You needed him closer, ached to feel his body moving over yours again. He was addicting, and when his lips weren’t on yours for mere seconds, you wondered how you had gone so long without him.

Calum kissed you shortly, although the lingering sensation of his lips still burned against yours. You could feel him everywhere when his mouth moved to the skin just below your jaw, where he sucked a lovebite on the area, forming a purple bruise before his tongue darted over the mark. Methodically, his breaths hit your skin and your back arched into his touch. Your eyelids fluttered shut as your heart skipped a beat while his mouth moved lower, pressing continuous kisses to your collarbone, then your shoulder, then your chest.

“Gonna take this off, baby, all right?” Calum asked quietly, his fingers pulling at the bralette that provided an unnecessary layer between the two of you.

You only nodded and sat up so that he could pull the lace from your chest and drop it to the mattress beneath you. His eyes flickered between yours and your exposed skin, his hands following suit, replaced by his lips. His tongue circled around your nipple until it hardened from his touch, his pace frustratingly slow as he moved lower and lower down your body.

“Forgot you were such a tease.” You said under your breath, your chest heaving as you felt Calum’s fingertips tracing the outline of your leggings.

He smirked up at you, his bottom lip between his teeth while he began to peel your pants down your thighs. You raised your hips with a shaky breath, your hands stationing you and gripping his sheets below. You could feel the anticipation knotting your stomach, sweat already beginning to prickle up on your skin. You craved to feel the way Calum touched you again.

You were completely bare before him, your heart racing like it was the first time Calum had ever had you in such a way. You were so comfortable around him having known him your whole life, but right in that moment, you were childishly nervous, and you knew exactly why. It had been so long since Calum last saw you, let alone saw you like this, and that was the reason why your pulse was quickening and your blood was rushing in your ears.

“Still so beautiful,” He whispered. His words hung against the quiet of his bedroom, echoing in your mind on repeat.

When he extended one of his hands outward, you were intrigued. His touch delicately skimmed over your wrist before he was lacing his hand in your own, interlocking your fingers. You felt him squeeze once his eyes greeted yours again, and then he was ducking down, the muscles in his shoulders contracting as he pulled your lower half closer.

You shuddered once Calum pressed his lips to the insides of your thighs and kissed at your skin. Your legs were bent at the knee, stationed on either side of his head while he glanced up at you. He was watching to see the way you responded to his every action, mapping out the ways that used to make your stomach churn with lust. It was interesting to refamiliarize himself with the enigma that was your body and the ways in which it worked.

And then you felt him squeeze your hand again, his neck craning so that his breaths could fan over where you wanted him most. His movements were agonizingly slow, but it felt as if everything sped up once Calum trailed his tongue up your center, a short groan emitting from low in his throat. “Fuck, baby,” he lifted his head. “Missed this.”

You let out a heavy breath once his mouth returned between your thighs, one hand clutching his and the other gripping the sheets until your knuckles were white. Your lips immediately parted as you felt his tongue circle around your clit, still traveling at the teasingly slow pace that you somehow grew to enjoy. Calum’s movements were leisurely and you knew it was because he was relishing the moment. He seemingly liked to take his time and recognize exactly what you made you tick.

While your back arched, your hips were absently rising from the mattress, your breathing coming out in heavy pants. You hadn’t felt something so pleasing in too long, and judging from the way that you could see Calum staring up at you smugly, you could tell he was aware of that as well.

He pulled his hand from your grasp to pin your hips down, his tongue flattening against your slit and his eyelids fluttering shut. You reached down to entangle your fingers in his hair as he sucked on your clit repetitively, only lifting his head to drag his teeth over the bundle of nerves, noting your sensitivity and how much that drove you insane.

“Fuck, Calum,” You gritted out, unable to help yourself. You wanted to feel the way his name sounded as it passed through your lips, wanted to taste it once it left your tongue. The letters held the taste of nostalgia, your body heating up as you recalled the amount of time you spent with Calum wrapped up between the sheets.

Calum continued his actions without cease, not stopping to even catch his breath. His eyes were screwed shut for only seconds at a time until he was gazing back up at you, watching the way your face twisted up into an expression of unadulterated bliss. Your eyebrows were drawn together and there wasn’t any chance of you keeping your mouth shut, soft whimpers escaping from behind your teeth.

His tongue traced up and down your center in smooth motions, the small amount of stubble on his chin tickling your skin. Calum had always wanted to make you feel good. You knew that was his aim when he looped his arms beneath your thighs and pulled you even closer to him, knowing that your body was beginning to tremble from the overwhelming pleasure.

“You’re close, baby,” Calum observed in a low hum.

You could only nod in reply, unable to formulate the words to offer him a reply. You’re mind was drawing a blank, completely immune to all thoughts other than the feeling of Calum’s hands roaming up and down your waist while his head was buried between your legs.

He worked to bring you over the edge, his mouth dragging over your clit and thumbs pressing into your hips with so much pressure, you knew there would be bruises, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care in the slightest. Your hands retreated from his hair to the sheets again, where you were holding them so tightly that your fingers cramped. You could feel your body beginning to spasm from the intensity of the sensation of what Calum was doing to you, and within seconds, you could feel yourself uncoiling into a mass of shivering limbs and clammy skin and low moans.

Calum licked at your center, attempting to keep you still while he worked your orgasm. He watched the way you came undone because of him, and God, he missed being able to do that. He missed seeing you like this, at your most vulnerable, when you were writhing beneath his touch and whimpering his name because it was the only thing you could think of.

Once you finally regained composure, you evened out your breaths, your skin hot and the nape of your neck warm with sweat. Calum lifted his head to look up at you clearly, to see the way your eyes were hooded and your lips were parted and the way that your chest was rising and falling rapidly. He saw you and he loved how you looked, but hated himself for ever living without you.

After a passing moment, you reached out as Calum was returning to the top of the bed, hovering over you as he ran his knuckles over the apple of your cheek. He looked down at you the way that he always used to, with that same infinite amount of adoration in his eyes, and you could feel the shift as if it was literally tangible. Everything was just as it used to be.

You reached up and kissed him slowly, your hands running down his back and feeling the ridges of his spine. You wanted to say it then, but you didn’t. You waited. You focused only on feeling his lips on yours and his skin beneath your palms. It was quiet in his bedroom aside from the sounds of your kissing, filling the air and resonating in your ears.

Calum pulled away first, his lips brushing against yours as he spoke. “Want you,” he whispered. “So badly.”

“Then have me.” You murmured.

He only leaned in to kiss you again in reply, his tongue swiping against yours while your touch roamed southern. Your hands twisted around from his back to his front, trailing over his navel until your fingertips were brushing over the bulge in his tight jeans.

Calum immediately broke the kiss, his forehead resting against yours as he let out a deep sigh. He was hard against your hand as you palmed him through the restricting denim material, your other hand cupping the acute outline of his jaw as you gauged the reaction on his face. His brow was furrowed and his lips were parted, biceps bulging as he held himself up over you.

“You’re just as much of a tease as I am.” He muttered in undertone, shivering from your touch as you began to unzip his jeans.

You only laughed quietly, leaning in to kiss him once more as your touch dipped beneath the waistband of his boxers. You immediately trailed your fingertips over his shaft, noting the way that Calum expelled a soft whimper from the sensation. When you finally wrapped your hand around his base, you stroked slowly, feeling Calum’s lips move against yours sloppily.

He hadn’t felt your touch in too long, and it was already taking a toll on him. He nudged your hand away and pulled back from you, shaking his head. “Too much.” He explained shortly, pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth before leaning back. “I need to feel you around me, baby.”

You understood what he was implying and nodded, eyes following his movements as he leaned over you to open up his nightstand drawer. Of course, there was a brand new pack of condoms inside, which didn’t entirely surprise you or annoy you, either. You just watched as Calum ripped open the packet with his teeth, tossing it to the side before rolling the latex over his length. His tip was flushed red, a prominent vein protruding from beneath his skin, concealed, and then you met his eyes again.

“This all right?” Calum questioned almost inaudibly.

“Of course it is.” You whispered.

Calum nodded and leaned down to kiss your forehead this time, and then he was kneeling over you, palms pushing your thighs apart. Your heart was racing again, pounding in your chest as Calum lined himself up with your entrance and pushed in slowly, immediately letting out an extended groan. “Fuck,” He said through gritted teeth. “Fuck, baby.”

You were soundless as he pushed forward, inundated in the intense pleasure and how it felt so different when you were with Calum again. You fit together perfectly, moving in sync, meeting his kisses and gripping his shoulders for leverage. It felt like you were whole again.

Calum bottomed out, pulling away from you to hold his bottom lip between his teeth. His jaw was set and his eyebrows were drawn together, eyelashes laying against his skin as he looked down between the two of you. He watched where your bodies connected as he moved back then forward again, your body jolting from the more forceful contact.

Your muscles tightened as Calum moved above you, a thin sheen of sweat already picking up on his forehead. You watched the way his face contorted, listened to the sounds he made as your bodies connected. He held himself over you, hands balancing himself on the mattress, but soon enough he was resting himself on his elbows so he could be closer to you.

His chest was pressed to yours, skin clammy and sticky, thrusts felt even deeper from your proximity. You moaned loudly at the new sensation, although Calum quieted your noise by kissing you, then sponging his lips down your neck. You could feel his breaths against your collarbone as he focused on pushing his hips forward, focused on getting you to make that same sound again, for him.

You mirrored his actions. Lips dragging over skin. Hands delicately roaming bodies: yours, his. You felt the way that he was able to make your head dizzy both from pleasure and the way he made you feel, just by lifting his head to meet your gaze again. And when you looked into his eyes, you were home.

“Calum,” You mumbled his name. You didn’t have a reason as to why - you just wanted to say it. There wasn’t a definition that could fit with what it was like to be back with him again, to feel his lips and body beneath your palms.

He only hummed in reply, knowing that there was nothing you had to say or wanted to say in that moment. He just listened to the sounds that fell from your lips and filled the room, intertwining with the noises he made, the symphony of skin on skin. It was one of the most beautiful things you had ever heard, causing your body to explode into a fire of pleasure.

Your stomach was knotting and you could feel your muscles beginning to tighten and tense. You were hot all over, your legs wrapped around Calum’s waist as he moved into you repeatedly, feeling the friction that made his vision blur from the intensity of the feelings. He was whimpering, completely consumed in your body and the way that you were reacting to the way he was making you feel.

“C’mon, baby,” Calum urged you on. “Let go. Want you to let go for me.”

His voice in your ear made your eyes screw shut as your second orgasm approached rapidly. You could feel it hitting you like a ton of bricks, faster than your previous one, more powerful, causing you to cry out. Your fingernails dug into the skin on Calum’s broad back, scratching down as your hands moved lower and lower while your back arched. He continued moving all the while, reveling in the way that your walls constricted around his length, triggering him to unravel.

You felt Calum still above you, watched as he lifted his head while his muscles contracted and his face flushed. His mouth fell agape as he groaned faintly, spilling into the condom, your name falling from his lips over and over again. You wished you could hear that on repeat, the way his voice sounded so wrecked and adoring all at once.

And then Calum was collapsing on top of you again, your limbs entangled and your skin warm with sweat. He measured out his breaths while you did the same, trailing your fingers through his hair as he lay beside you. You watched him, admired the way he opened his eyes after a moment and looked to you immediately. And he said it.

“I love you. And that hasn’t changed since the day I left.”

[anachronicwriting]

The 007!AU No One Needs (13/?)