#some people who are trans still don't transition and that's ok

[bardnuts]

ok I don't know who needs to see this, but there is no way to know if you are "truly" trans. There is no "yes/no" switch. You decide whether or not to transition. you decide the version of yourself you present to the world, you experiment with your identity, you find yourself through exploration. It's a process, and it isn't one with a clear answer

[ventbloglite]

I think we need to sit down and talk about malgendering.

Not misgendering, malgendering.

We all know what misgendering means. Misgendering is when a trans person (or to be honest, even a cis person) has their gender denied to them in some fashion by implying, suggesting or outright stating that their gender is actually Something Else and not the one they identify as.

e.g. A trans woman being told she cannot attend a certain class because it's 'just for women'.

Malgendering is when the trans persons gender is not questioned or denied and may even be affirmed - but only in a context in which it can be used against them in some fashion (to make judgements on them as a person, to exclude them from something, to incite bigotry towards them etc).

e.g. That same trans woman taking her shirt off on a hot day and being arrested for indecent exposure.

This is misgendering;- "You're not a woman, you're a man." This is malgendering;- "Trans women are women, so obviously they exist to serve men."* *obvs it is also transmisogyny and all malgendering is transphobia.

But what you don't want to hear is that malgendering is a form of transphobia mainly used against trans masculine people and nonbinary people.

Most people recognise malgendering when it's;

Using the term 'theyfab' to ridicule an agender person or making jokes about how an agender they/them user looks (to you) to be a completely cis woman.

But you need to look out for how;

Malgendering is treating trans men like their transition has turned them into women-hating predators because of your own predjudices towards men/trans man were always inherently women-hating predators because maleness is what makes you those things not your actual thoughts, words and actions.

Malgendering is not listening to how trans masc people are marginalised 'because men aren't oppressed though' as if that's not ignoring a huge part of their identity (the being trans part) and how that works.

Malgendering is telling trans men 'this is just what it's like to be a man, people treat you like shit and you have to take it or not transition'.

Malgendering is insisting that any trans man who calls any attention to the fact that he is indeed, trans, and has/had female anatomy and faces misogyny due to being raised and still perceived (by transphobes) as a woman is misgendering himself, all other trans men and 'weaponising his AFABness'

All of this is transphobia. All of this is bigotry. This kind of predjudice and bullying doesn't magically become 'OK' once you find the 'right' group to do it to. You either want to end bigotry and transphobia and identity-specific targetted hate or you want to perpetuate it. But you can't call yourself a trans ally, or escape the bigotry allegations whilst malgendering people. And no you're not being sneaky by slipping in your hateful predjudice comments and actions whilst validating their gender.

Malgendering is transphobia.

[euniexenoblade]

tl;dr version: a very frequent and more recent flavor of trans exclusionism, transmisogyny, and transphobia at large has started to bubble up as an overpowering, overwhelming (and fake) acceptance of gnc cis people.

The actual long version:

Trans people, especially trans women, when they want to come out or explore their gender are often met with loved ones, family, or friends telling them "you can just be gnc, you don't know you're actually trans, men can be feminine, you should try that before scary life changes" we often talk about how this is a move by abusive, transmisogynistic people in our lives, who pretend to to care about gnc people, but in reality it's just transphobia manifesting as a false support. They often manipulate trans people into not pursuing transition and then lay on all the manipulation to convince us we were so silly to think we're trans afterwards.

Though there's a lot of people who still see it as honest support for the gnc, most of us are pretty clear that it's transphobic. But, another way this takes form is from other trans people, there are a lot of trans people with internalized transphobia who only view the existence negatively and when you talk about people potentially being trans, you activate their rapid internalized self hate: how can you say that? You can't know someone else's gender! You're forcing them to be trans! Men can be gnc! You're actually the transphobic one!

You also see it take form as things like "egg prime directive." "You can't tell the egg they might be trans!!!" Yes, you can. And you probably should. Trans people are not some mythical once in a blue moon thing. We are everywhere. There's lots of us. Being trans is not a bad thing, it's simply just a thing. Acting like you can't tell people they're trans is treating trans people like we're dirty secrets, a thing to be ashamed of, you're treating it like an insult. The truth of the matter is, telling someone they're exhibiting things associated with trans people can help speed up the process, less dysphoria to agonize over, less confusion as to what's going on, you can help kickstart a path to happiness.

But these people don't. Cuz they don't *want* people to be trans, and very specifically don't want people to be transfem. I don't need to get into the polls that showed most transmascs think telling a friend they might be a trans woman is morally wrong, you've seen it already. I don't need to tell you about how a transfem mentioned a specific person in the media seemed transfem, just for people to harass them (idk pronouns) off the site, just for people to confirm that yes - the individual in the news was likely transfem. And with that realization didn't come an apology, didnt come a new understanding, the trans and "pro trans" harassers stuck to their guns "recognizing transhood in others the way you see it in yourself is the same as transvestigation, the right wing transphobic conspiracy theory!"

This topic has been talked about a lot this past year, with the egg joke discourse, people getting harassed and ran off the site for correctly mentioning someone seems transfem, the constant harassment and blog deletion of trans women, the onslaught of harassment from the transandrodorks and terfs, etc etc. but I feel like it never gets correctly classified as a form of exclusionism. We easily recognize truscum exclusionism as what it is: "youre nb? You don't try to pass? You don't shave? Lol fake trans" it's the blue hair with pronouns schtick. It's gatekeeping the community. But, in the same respect, the "you can't just say people are trans" "it's ok to be gnc!" anti egg joke types of people are just as exclusionary. One end it's "you aren't a true transexual" and the other is "be gnc instead, being trans is a bad thing."

It's the projection of internalized transphobia into a policy. You can't tell anyone they're trans because you don't see trans people as anyone, you see them as weird monsters. That's a really depressing form of exclusion, but exclusion all the same.

[kisakis-boyfriend]

Like Ships in the Night…On a Train… (BSD version part 1)

Author's Note: Got horny. Thought about one of my favorite scenarios. Bon appetit 👍 Other installments are already in the works for different series. :3

Pairings: Sigma, Dazai, & Chuuya x male reader (separately)

Warnings: Male!reader, dom/top!reader, sub/bottom!characters, trans Sigma, chikan, grinding, groping, fingering (Sigma), nipple play (Chuuya)

Sigma

Why is this happening to him?! He's read the news headlines about creeps groping people on trains, sure, but he never imagined he'd be on the receiving end of that!

Sigma feels helpless as the mystery man hooks one arm around his waist, locking him in this position like a caged bird. Soon, he feels a touch on his hip, sliding down to his plush thighs as he's groped right here and now — standing in front of the train wall with his hands bracing himself against it.

Panic floods in as the stranger grabs his crotch, rubbing two fingers over his slit — you both realize something in this moment; Sigma realizes that his secret may not be safe anymore, and the dangers that come with that, while you realize that you can touch this guy more discreetly like this.

Your fingers make quick work of his pants, opening them up just enough to reach inside and touch his pussy again. Despite the fact that your victim is shaking, he's already a bit wet before you're even inside. You tease him over his underwear for a second, then dive even deeper and finally touch his bare pussy.

With all of his remaining willpower, Sigma whispers a quiet plea for you to stop, and you can practically hear the tears welling in his eyes. You ignore him, of course, already sinking between his folds and groaning at the wetness oozing out just from that.

A stranger is fingering his cunt on public transit, and no one else seems to notice. Sigma can only pray that you stop before things escalate, or before you realize he's a trans man…maybe his long hair fooled you into thinking he's a girl?

That line of thought is shattered as Sigma presses his thighs together, biting back a squeal as you fingerfuck him so rough that he squirts a little, messing up his clothes as a result. As he cums, you lean closer to his ear and whisper a “Good boy~” before you readjust his clothing for him and disappear, presumably exiting the train.

You left the man as a panting, confused mess in his little corner. Left to wonder who violated him in an almost gentle way, compared to all of the horror stories Sigma read about. His pussy was still wet, and he swears that he didn't enjoy that…but the memory won't stop replaying in his mind as he lay in bed, squeezing his thighs together once again…dripping…aching…moaning…

Dazai

How bold do you have to be to think you could get away with this? Honestly, don't you recognize the man that you're attempting to grope? Do you really think there won't be consequences?

Well, ok, hear him out… You're not being rough right now — if anything, you're actually touching Dazai rather gently. Hands caress his sides, hidden by his large trench coat, sliding across his clothed abdomen almost romantically. The most you've done so far is rub his hips, not even trying to go for anything more private (yet).

What's the harm in letting this go on, seeing just where this will lead? Dazai's pretty strong, not a big muscle man, but strong enough to hold his own when need be. If things escalate too much, or he feels unsafe, he can simply reveal who he is and threaten to call the cops on you. But for now, he'll just let this play out.

You take a step closer, pushing Dazai further against the window, and he seizes the opportunity to reveal your identity in the reflection…except your face is buried in the back of his neck so he can't actually see who you are…

Dazai feels your warm breath tickling his skin, and he can feel you… wait, are you sniffing him? Really? What a creep, smelling some stranger while you're touching him. Jeez.

That's not the only thing Dazai notices though — he also feels what he assumes to be your hard-on poking his ass now that you're hugging his body tightly. You begin to move, and this is when Dazai should stop you…but he can't deny how…nice…this all feels. Especially when you reach forward and grab his hand, clasping his with yours in a strangely soft display–

Seriously, what a depraved, obsessive, sad creep you must be to hold a stranger's hand while you're smelling them and humping them on a public train. That's just not normal, dude.

There's not much more time to question anything, as you grind against Dazai's ass until your movements stutter, then eventually stop altogether. And he can guess by your heavy breathing that you just creamed your pants without ever truly touching your victim.

'How sad. That guy could easily get off by humping another guy on the train — who knows what dirty fantasies were running through his mind to make him cum like that.' Dazai thinks, stroking himself in the shower while he pictures your fat package gliding in between his cheeks again.

Chuuya

Honestly, Chuuya surprised himself when some strange man came up behind him and trapped him in the corner of the train and he didn't say a word of protest. Perhaps the shock was what prevented his usual reactions?

Shocked at how bold you were for grabbing a Port Mafia executive by the hips and forcing his ass to meet the tent in your pants, that is. Do you really think this is going to end well? Are you just so stupid that you have no idea who Chuuya is, and how easy it would be for him to use his special ability to pin you to the floor and knock your teeth out?

You're either stupid or desperate, or maybe both, but Chuuya can't think about that too much when you're already humping him so boldly. Sure, you're somewhat hidden in the corner, but does no one pay attention to the obvious motions?

Not only are you grinding against him so hard that he's forced to his tiptoes, you're untucking his shirt from his pants and sliding your hands underneath like it's totally normal! Quickly finding his nipples and toying with them so roughly that Chuuya has to cover his mouth to remain quiet.

His smaller body jerks with your every thrust, forced to submit to this gross act of depravity or else everyone on the train will find out that Chuuya Nakahara is a public use slut. His reputation would be destroyed!

So, he lets you have your way with him — thrusting your clothed erection against the curve of Chuuya's ass until you cum, grunting right into his ear — and then a familiar chime signals the opening of the train doors, and you exit, leaving the little guy high and dry and completely disheveled as his cock leaks inside of his boxers.

Now, a Port Mafia executive doesn't have any need to use public transport — he could easily use a private car or even a fucking helicopter if he wanted to — but, Chuuya finds himself taking the same train at the same time again tomorrow. This time, he's already standing in that corner, facing the wall to conceal his hard, throbbing cock, and to advertise himself as vulnerable prey.

[smiley-positivity-potato]

i have something to say, for all young transmascs or newly transitioning transmascs: just know the "womanhood" you had to endure will be used against you EMOTIONALLY as a trans masc. And not in the way many have spoken about. when you speak up on the abuse, trauma or experiences you went through growing up, people will make excuses of having thought you were just an "emotional teen girl", despite you trying to explain it to them- as an adult trans man. you try to tell them you just wanted help and presently want people to recognize their wrongs. like how they taught you as a child.

but instead they'll make excuses on how they each don't know how to take accountability, for the past or present. they'll say how you seemed like "your mother" at that age, so they thought it was a phase. so now they don't even want to hear or learn how they hurt you. they don't even want to know how to get help or therapy to communicate with you better. AND THEY DONT EVEN WANNA HEAR THEIR OTHER OPTIONS EITHER. they feel like you should just "let it go" when you bring up how it has effected you as a trans man growing up NOW , they dismiss you or blame your behavior on YOU INSTEAD. the reactions of a child, are labelled as an inconvenience, that you should take accountability for when you held no power. they did. so now that they don't, they don't even want to TRY to understand you-

all in all: they will use your past unchosen childhood to label you as an emotional "woman" who is hanging onto the past. when that is not it. it is NOW the accountability of the PRESENT. you want PRESENT ACCOUNTABILITY AND APOLOGIES. YOU WANT ACTUAL ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND GENUINE EMOTIONAL REFLECTION. and every person in this world deserves that. do not fall for this lack of effort and communication- do not endure it to feel loved as a transmasc. the fact that you are younger AND have tried your best to understand EVERYONE around you all your life is enough. the fact that they won't even try to do it on their own FOR FIVE GENUINE MINUTES, says enough.

saying they don't know how to NOT say awful things to you- is a lack of effort alone. if they can watch you try to get help to understand them for YEARS, they should AT LEAST TRY to find a professional or group or ANYONE to learn how to mend the relationship they damaged or broke with YOU, if they are able. they should NOT use your past or present emotions AGAINST YOU- indirectly defining you as just an "emotional, hormonal, traumatized woman". but they will try. do not let THEM gaslight you or trick you into thinking they can't at least put SOME effort into respecting you as a MAN with FEELINGS FROM THE TRAUMA THEY MAY HAVE DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY CAUSED. they can AND they should put effort into rebuilding what they destroyed. because let me tell you something i've learned:

"If you stepped into a puddle and forgot to wipe your feet before you entered a loved one's house; then the tracks you left are still your's. No matter where you go in the house they will always be yours- and it's up to you to not keep leaving them."

whether they meant to or not, they still left filth on your floors- and we all know who's tracks they are. we all saw it, but the question is: will they return and do it again, with cheeky pride and their head held up high, or will they clean up the floor apologetically, and reflect on every time they left tracks accidentally, or purposely, in your house. will they think about how YOU felt; how they put you into a position of having to speak up for yourself to keep your "house" clean and respected? will they acknowledge all the other times they wouldn't listen or will they dismiss them? as said by ALL my medical professionals, the LGBTQIA community AND my chosen family, you have a RIGHT to cut these people permanently out of your life, and out of your emotional "home".

and if the next time you see them is at their funeral, that's ok. because you have a right as a TRANS MASC HUMAN BEING to put your safety, sanity, well being, respect and emotions FIRST. you have a right to PROTECT yourself from that negativity and pain. do NOT sacrifice yourself to PROVE ANYTHING to ANYONE. do not overexert yourself trying to get them to understand you when all it does is cause you to breakdowns- AND it hurts.

you KNOW who you are. and that is ENOUGH. KNOW IT WILL ALWAYS BE ENOUGH. for you are a transmasc who has EMOTIONS, A PAST AND PRESENT, PAIN AND TRAUMA. You are a VALUED, LOVABLE PERSON AND YOU DESERVE TO FEEL RESPECTED AND SEEN IN THIS WORLD REGARDLESS OF WHAT ANY "LOVED" ONE SAYS- and if your "family/loved" ones have too much pride to acknowledge that- LEAVE.

[so-i-did-this-thing]

What are good questions to ask in job interviews to find out if a place is going to be friendly to your continued transition? I have been on T for about a year and am job hunting right now and I'm worried about reaching a point sometime in the next year where I have no choice but to come out because I don't read as a woman anymore.

Ok, big caveat from me: I was once in your exact position. I had just started T and decided to interview with a small company who assumed I was a woman. (I am guessing they thought I was a butch lesbian - I still had my gender-neutral deadname. I did not assert my pronouns.) When they gave me an offer, I let them know I was transitioning. I still got hired, but was treated as an inconvenience. They did not suggest I immediately switch to male presentation, and I was too scared to suggest it. It started getting hostile when other employees noticed my voice changing. I really wish I had just gone into the interview presenting male and I ended up quitting the job within 8 months because it got too awkward.

So. As for my advice:

I'd start with Glassdoor to read employee reviews. I'd also check the company's social media, plus that of the people in your chain of command to do some vibe checking. People who are transphobic are commonly going to be very vocal about right-wing leanings, and you'll see some signs, even on LinkedIn. Check if they have anti-discrimination statements in any of their hiring material, or stated commitments to diversity and inclusion.

In the interview, ask about what sort of clients they attract and what charities/orgs they support and sponsor. If you feel the vibes are promising, ask if they sponsor local Pride. Ask general culture questions about team building and employee enrichment. Ask what healthcare benefits look like and other employee assistance perks they may have. Fish around for gendered policies that could cause you problems, like dress codes. That said, can you bite the bullet and go ahead and interview in a masc gender presentation? Because honestly, that will be the best gauge of how you are going to be received. (And in my experience, folks are fairly likely to assume a masc presenting person is male.)

I tend to be very careful about outing myself until I'm sure I'm in a supportive culture with HR to back me up -- and this might be something you can't discover until you are hired and working for a while. And even then, I've just been very matter-of-fact about transition stuff, saying things like (when doing my background check) "I have older documentation that doesn't match my current name or gender marker, and I can provide any additional paperwork if needed." When I changed my legal name, I gave my boss a simple communication plan on how I'd tell co-workers and clients. Though at that point, most folks assumed I was a cis man, so it was a very different experience compared to that awful 8-month long job.

I wish I had more advice, but a lot depends on how badly you need a job, how safe you feel, and if you have options like only staying in your next job until passing as a woman becomes a problem. To be bluntly honest -- you *will* lose opportunities in your life due to being trans and it's just something to have to have backup plans for (I lost a ton of music gig work because everyone in the industry is all up in each other's shit). But whatever you do, document everything you can related to you being trans, because you never know when you'll need to raise a discrimination case. :/

[genderqueerdykes]

is it bad to be scared to start hrt?

i feel a little ashamed that i am. i try my hardest to be positive about all the things that make men & mascs masculine. i try to appreciate the parts that arent valued by society, like male pattern baldness, being fat, hairiness (love that part especially lol), etc.

but im 15, and i go back and fourth over whether or not i want to start testosterone. i had terrible cystic acne before i started acne medication, i have male pattern baldness on my dads side etc. im not a binary trans guy, so i kinda doubt ill be on it forever anyway if i DO wind up doing it, but its really scary to be told all the stuff that WILL make me a man when im… just a boy. that feels infantalizing but i suppose its true. im scared to be a man admittedly, im angry i never got to have a “true” boyhood because in currently at that age, and im scared of being thrust into it after not getting to be one. theres so much stuff about becoming “ugly” after starting testosterone. i know thats not true, logically, but ive faced so much bullying for not being pretty enough as an afab that i guess i still have that vanity embedded within me.

i feel ashamed for it, do you have any advice?

no, absolutely not- i think it's super reasonable to be scared to start HRT. it's a huge change, it affects your body and mentality in many different ways. it's a lot to take on at once especially considering there are permanent effects if taken for long enough at a high enough dose

i get why you'd be worried at that age. i didn't start HRT until i was in my early 20s. i think its okay to give yourself some time, especially considering you have some concerns about it potentially affecting your health. it would be ideal to find a way to get your blood tested for a few things- liver enzymes, red blood cell count, estrogen and testosterone levels, and so on. if you can't do that, it's understandable. i know it's not easy for someone your age to get a ride to a place like that discretely

is it possible to contact your dermatologist about your acne and see if they would be able to weigh in on that? baldness is a tricky thing. some people do bald but really late in life. some people don't. a lot of transmascs have their hairline recede by a few inches and then it usually stops. the nice thing about hair loss is there are medications that work very well that can help mitigate that. gender affirming care specialists or other doctors who prescribe testosterone are usually aware of the effects on scalp hair, and usually they'll help you test for high blood pressure, any issues like that

honestly i get where you're coming from here. i've seen this way too many times. people get pissed off about someone being a type of trans they don't like so they just bully the person until they consider detransitioning or never start transition at all, and then continue to mock and harass them anyway. i see this all the damn time and it bugs me like why would you do that to someone. who cares

people think it's ok to bully trans men & mascs right now because of all of the transandrophobia and antimasculism in general. testosterone doesn't make anyone "ugly", people are projecting their hatred of men and mascs on to a hormone that almost everyone produces naturally. it's just hateful senseless bullying. people think the younger the trans man/boy/masc is, the more valid they are to bully them.

it's okay to identify as a boy for as long as you need. you actually never have any obligation to adopt the label man if it doesn't fit you. many people identify as boys instead of men. some people are guys and not men. it's okay some people find they have to take their time to transition from boy to man. you're only 15 you are still a child, you don't have to worry about being a man for quite a while

it's definitely okay to feel conflicted and confused here. if you're able to, take time to yourself where you shut all that noise from other people out. if you're able to just ask yourself a few questions like why do i identify as a boy, what about it makes me happy, what kinds of things do i want to do in transition. just try to get a feel for what's going on so it makes it hard for people to get in your head

remember that when people attack you like this they're projecting something they deeply hate about themselves on to you. my therapist told me that last week and i thought i would just relay that. it's alright to be affected by it, but they really are just being assholes. it's good to be a trans man/boy/masc. transmasculinity is good. testosterone is good. testosterone saved my life. i'm glad to get up in the morning every day because i at least look and sound like myself. i love my body. i love the way i look. i'm stronger. i stand taller. my face is the right shape. my voice sounds right.

life is good

i hope you found any of this helpful. good luck, it's okay to feel guilt or shame for a bit. i did NOT want to come out as FtM for a VERY long time it was hard. i get it. take care of yourself, let me know if you have any more questions

[official-megumin]

there is always this discourse about if transfem and transmascs have it worse

And like, I know it's not really quantifiable and measureable to find the objective suckiness of being trans.

But like

Man it's gotta suck to be a trans guy. This is coming from the perspective of a trans girl btw.

I know that not all transmascs care about passing and having a "fully male body", like everyone decides for themselves what they wanna do. But let's see this from the perspective from a trans guy who wants to be as close to a cis perisex man as possible, this guy is also perisex afab, meaning normal development and stuff.

Ok, so for this man to "finish" his transition, he would need like, what? 3 surgeries. All of which are gatekept. He would need top surgery, tit chop as you say.

This is already a lot, and it sucks fucking dick that y'all have to wait for that. But other than that already sucky and gatekept surgery, we also have phalloplastry, which many countries including Denmark, doesn't offer at all because it's more complicated than vaginoplastry.

This is also a hugely impactful surgery, and I assume that for many trans men, it also doesn't really feel good enough because no semen and dick pump. Of course I'm no expert, so don't take what I say as gospel, I might flat out be wrong about many things.

But that still isn't it. By now we have moved past surgeries the average transfem would "need"

Like yes, many trans women end up getting BA and FFS to combat dysphoria on top of bottom surgery, but they aren't "required" in the same way. So let's round it out and say one half of both of those surgeries count, so that means that transfems on average get two gender affirming surgeries. Which means that now, transfem and transmasc surgery counts are the same.

But wait, there's more!

There are also hysterectomies to remove the uterus and ovaries. Which again is very extremely gatekept because "devine femininity"(bleugh)

That's three surgeries to transition "normally" for a transmasc versus the two of a transfem, already there it's more sucky.

Of course this is not taking other typically gendered features into account like hip and shoulder width, which is too variable to really take into account here. Also it is not as widely different between the sexes as some people claim.

But this is just the surgery front.

I can't even begin to imagine how dysphoria inducing dealing with menstruation must be to a trans man.

Like periods suck dick, I know that from personal exprience. It hurts like shit for like a week at a time and there's blood everywhere.

But for trans men you add fucking dysphoria on top of that???? Hellish, the female reproductive system is so invasive and intrusive. For transfems we can just y'know, not touch the thingy and we won't have to worry about a visceral bloody reminder every month that stays even after hrt starts.

Really what I want to say is that yea sure maybe transfems struggle more with sexism and such whilst transitioning, I'd argue even that is not quantifiable and will be hugely variable on how the individual looks(speaking from experience as a trans girl who has not once had transphobia aimed at her in person in public from strangers)

But the physical struggle of transitioning? I think that trans masculine transitions take the cake by far here. Like objectively too.

And all the transmascs out there at all, doesn't matter how dysphoric you are, or how far you wanna take your transition. I respect you so god damn much, and I'm in awe of all of you. You're genuinely incredible

[dragonfire2lm]

Elden Ring Headcanon: Messmer Edition

Spoilers below, these headcanons are based on item descriptions, and thanks to some helpful people in the discord I'm in for clarifying some lore that completely flew over my head.

Ok, so, just as a disclaimer: I do not care who you ship Messmer with, or how you view him, the following headcanon is just my interpretation, that does not mean that everyone should share said interpretation. If you do, awesome! if not, just continue on with your day, the following headcanon has no bearing on your enjoyment of the character, the game, or what you do to express your love of Elden Ring.

Messmer seems very aromantic coded to me. He has friends among the knights that serve him, cared about them to the point he listened to them when they wanted knowledge preserved, and mourned the loss of a friend when two of knights rebelled against him because of Messmer's serpentine nature. He also has a lot of love for his family, with how he was an older brother figure to Radahn and had a brotherly bond with Gaius, not to mention how he's turned himself into a symbol of fear and uses his fire (which he has tried to get rid of multiple times) all on his mother's orders.

Yet he has no interest in romantic relationships (R.I.P Rellana), and I just, think it'd be neat if I headcanon him as aromantic (Note: that does not mean he's also asexual, I am specifically focusing on aromanticism here) based on the fact that he cares a lot about his knights and his family, but had no interest in Rellana in a romantic way.

Plus, its all in good fun, and aromantic rep is sorely lacking in media, so what's stopping me from reading certain characters as being aro-coded? Fandom often interpret characters as gay, bi, trans and so on for their headcanons and fanfics, so what does it matter if I pick a character to write as being aromantic?

This is, after all, a hobby, its for fun, and if you personally don't agree with this, that's ok. Whatever ideas you have, and whatever ideas I have can coexist in the same fandom space.

Now, here's a headcanon that's a lot less...controversial.

Messmer sees via his serpents, his remainnig eye, as seen in his phase two transition, is a glass one, a prosthetic eye. He probably can't see out of it. Granted, there is a lot of blodd on his fingers after removing it, so maybe it is a magical functioning eye or something, but it could go either way. But given that when we enter his boss room for the first time, we see one of his snake friends before we see him, so I feel like that opening cutscene hints at the fact that he uses his snakes to see.

I like Messmer, he's very friend-shaped.

I just think he's neat.

Edit: The lengthy disclaimer at the start of this post is just me covering my bases, I've gotten guilt-tripped and generally felt unwelcome in a couple of other fandoms for simply having an aromantic spectrum headcanon, or you know, being an asexual fan of a game and its characters when most of the player base is clearly not asexual. (A different game, not Elden Ring, the elden ring community has been very accepting, but the Doubt Still Remains because of my previous experiences)

Thank you for reading.

[chaifootsteps]

I heard that you are a trans man and I apologize for asking this head-on because I heard many trans people prefer to not be addressed as trans but I assumed you are ok with it

I was just wondering what it takes to officially call oneself a trans man? What does it take to be considered a trans man? What is the difference between a woman who likes being perceived as a man but still wants to remain a woman, does it count as being trans or is it just a part of some woman experience that has nothing to do with being a man?

just to be clear, I perceive trans men as men. I just known numerous men who were initially born as women, including those who were doing the same thing i do until they transitioned so I learnt i'm not alone in doing this, yet I realize I don't feel the need to fully become a man in my life and I keep wearing the "man weil" while thinking (or trying to convince myself) i'm a woman. I can't become a man because I don't feel like it is who i am but at the same time I can't throw away my weil and I feel comfortable in it. I was asking this becasue maybe as a man you know a lot of things about going through gender identity crisis

That's the thing about being trans...there's no exam you have to take, no registry, no checklist. Anyone can call themselves anything they want, and we can argue until we're all blue in the face whether that's a good thing, but there you have it.

If you don't feel that you're a man, then that settles that, you're not one. Doesn't matter what you look like, sound like...if you're happiest as a woman in a man veil, then that's what you are, and if you ever reach the conclusion that something's changed, then that'll be your call and only your call.

[jenny-in-a-jar]

One week since my Surgery

People liked hearing about my trans journey, so for those interested, here's my first week update to having vaginoplasty (one type of mtf bottom surgery).

Of course, I hope this helps any transfem interested in this surgery. But, I understand that other people will be curious. And that's ok! There's nothing wrong with curiosity. Just be respectful ❤️ which a lot of people been (and I block those who aren't)

No pictures but I will go get a bit graphic with my description so here's your warning before hearing more.

So first off some disclaimers. There's a lot of variety in procedure and treatment when it comes to vaginoplasty. For example, I live pretty close to the hospital I had the surgery at which influenced how early they let me go home. So, my experiences are definitely not universal.

So, I had breast augmentation at the same time. And for me, that was definitely the easiest surgery I've ever gotten. Like pretty painless (with painkillers ofc).

Now, vaginoplasty is definitely the most painful procedure I've had! The best way to describe the pain day one would be like when you've tucked all day but more intense (I know not a lot of people have tucked on this app but it's the best metaphor I could come up with 🤷‍♀️). But as the week went on, the catheter definitely became the most painful part. It felt like my urethra was burning 🔥😬 (I bet a lot more people can understand that feeling lol). Interestingly, it was at its least painful while moving and moving is also good for recovery!

I stayed in the hospital for two nights before they removed the covering and sent me home with a catheter and packing in my vagina. Again, they probably only did it this way because I live 20 minutes away. As the weak went on, it swelled up a lot and brushing spreads from it across my thighs (in honestly a cool pattern!)

When my catheter and packing was removed they gave me a "tour" of my new vagina. I don't remember the names well but here's what I remember. The Major flaps (the main thing you see when you see a vulva) we're still pretty swollen but starting to loosen and get that wrinkly quality. My nurse likes calming them dog ears at this stage and they really did look like dog ears 🥺🐶. I saw my clitoral hood and she said my clitoris is packed behind all of that but I don't need to worry about that for now. She also pointed out the urethral plating which was formally part of the urethra proper but with the inside on the outside now. It's super blue now but in time it'll start developing a mucus to keep my vagina from getting bone dry (will still need lube for dilation and eventually sex). And then the vagina hole itself.

To keep my vagina from healing shut, I'll need to dilate at least 4 times daily for 20 minutes this first week and a while longer and then slowly ramp down as the hole heals up. But, the nurse stressed that there are no hard rules with dilation and I just need to really listen to my body if I want to get the depth and width I want. Which I do want plenty of depth and width bc tbh my partner will be able to fill it 🤭 they key thing they said was to try to be as relaxed as possible while doing so 🪻

They also filled my bladder with sterile water as a "practice run" to make sure I can pee on my own.

I want to say I got a lot of wonderful nurses! All except the one I had when I first got out of surgery, I could tell actually saw me as and treated me like a woman. And they did a great job at welcoming me vagina ownership in a very understanding way without being condensing 💕

Despite the horrible pain, it's been a very euphoric experience 🥰 and I would definitely recommend it for anyone who wants it.

Feel free to ask any questions, I can't promise I'll have the best answers but I'll try my best 🥺

Also feel free to look through #my trans journey tag for more info on my transition if you're curious ✨

[euniexenoblade]

Hey there, since you're a trans woman and a Xenoblade fan, I was wondering your opinion on something, because I also really like reading your insight on these subjects. A while back when Aionios Moments officially released, there was a lot of discourse surrounding A being referred to as a woman in A's section of the book. While a lot of it was easily-dismissable bad faith transphobia coming from the same people who still try to make a stink over Juniper, I noticed a lot of it did also come from other LGBTQ+ people arguing that A being referred to as a woman was erasing A's non-binary identity.

Now, I'm TME, so I don't wanna step on any toes when it comes to this, but the whole discourse reminds me of a similar thing strawberry-crocodile talked about wrt Testament from Guilty Gear. Am I wrong in feeling like the backlash towards A being supposedly misgendered in the artbook (which, imho, I took A being referred to as a woman as being evidence FOR Alvis transitioning and Ontos being bigender or genderfluid rather than evidence against), is yet another example of people being aversed to the idea of the transfeminine non-binary person? Or am I overthinking this? Again, would love to hear your own insight.

(For anyone else reading this, the character A is pronounless, A only ever goes by A's own name.)

Ok, so my quick thing is if I need like, a nuanced read of Japanese text, I would give my copy of Aionios Moments to my wife who is both fluent in Japanese, and does like, actual Japanese literature analysis and shit. Like, I love translators who do this shit for free, but a lot of y'all do not actually understand gendering in the Japanese language and wires get twisted.

But also like, it's fuckin Nintendo. Nintendo is not intentionally giving you a trans character. I assure you that all of y'all are reading into this deeper than Nintendo ever thought you would. And frankly with that in mind, y'all need to stop arguing over this. Y'all do not know Japanese, hence the nonbinary transfem doing it, and the response was to harass them? This person devoted so much of their time to help translate something for people who couldn't read it, just to get harassed? If anything, that makes me want to pull towards A being a woman. Lol. And why is a random transfem translator getting harassed when it can just be Nintendo misgendering a character? Nintendo is not some fucking giant of trans rights.

The thing here is as a nonbinary woman, who constantly feels like the nonbinary identities of women are constantly erased from history, id frankly just be happy to call the bitch a nonbinary woman. Two things can be true here. People can also head canon A any way they want. It means nothing.

[gnc-polls]

i’m wondering if i am gender nonconforming, and i have a question that i haven’t been able to find the answer to from individual research so i want to ask gender nonconforming ppl themselves

so i am under the nonbinary umbrella and afab, but i always present very feminine (like, more than most cis girls)

the definition i’m finding for gnc is essentially someone’s who’s gender expression is different from the societal expectation

in this case i think that would fall under gnc, because the expectation for nonbinary people is to be androgynous, and specifically for afab nonbinary ppl to present more masculine as they transition, however i dress very femininely, in fact more so after i realized i was trans than before

however all of the examples i see for gnc ppl r afabs who dress more masculine or amabs who dress more feminine

i ask bcs while i feel undeniably more myself when dressed very femininely (like, i cannot stand to be otherwise without it taking a decline on my mental health), i do get lots of dysphoria knowing that ppl don’t see me as my gender bcs i don’t act “trans enough”, but being able to take pride in being gnc instead would make that so so much less horrible (like, even just the thought of that potentially being the case feels like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders). but i absolutely do not want to intrude on a space that is not mine, so genuinely asking, would you considering me gender nonconforming ??

The thing is, I will say though, that my blog might've further pushed the belief that you are only GNC if you are either cisgender or binary transgender, and explicitly express yourself in a way that doesnt align with traditional/conservative ideals of your gender identity, but being GNC doesn't have to be that. Another thing is that ok this blog, I usually just post other people's direct poll suggestions, and some submissions may have been exclusive of many (for example, one of the polls submitted here asked "GNC people: are you trans?" and didn't include a binary transgender option.)

GNC is being gender non conforming, aka not conforming to set preconceived notions of gender. A feminine/androgynous AMAB man may use the term GNC. A masculine/androgynous AMAB woman may use the term GNC. but I know some masculine people AMAB may consider themselves GNC, and some feminine people AFAB may consider themselves GNC. They could be binary transgender, or non binary, or something else. But they're still GNC.

In fact, a lot of people might feel like they fit the term GNC, and they don't have to be strictly binary female or male. Some GNC people express gender non conformity I'm the sense that their own concepts and ideas of gender don't fit the binary male or female. I know some non binary people/people with a more complex gender identity that would call themselves GNC on the basis of the fact that they're non binary, and not now they choose to externally express themselves. For example, someone that identifies as xenogender may consider themselves to be GNC, not because of how they express their gender, but just what their gender is itself - though I'm getting a bit off topic // Some people may not call any non binary people GNC due to the fact that being non binary is not as common, so there may not be specific overly popular or traditional norms of what a non binary person "should be". But gender and gender expression are both pretty complex, so I wouldn't gatekeep the term in GNC.

If you feel like the term GNC fits you, and feels right to you, use it to your will. Due to it being a social construct almost entirely, there are not strict rules. For me, personally, I never had to do research on whether I was GNC or not. I just saw the word and the looser definition of it, and accepted it for me, due to personally thinking it fits me. There might be people in this world who might not view me as GNC or "GNC enough", but I wouldn't care too much about them.

A non binary person might be expected to act as androgynously as possible by some people, and so if a nonbinary person expresses themselves in a way that does not align with gender norms or stereotypes set for non binary people, then, ifi were in that position, I would not mind the term GNC for me. This may wary from individual to individual, however.

In short, I don't think there are strict rules to being GNC, because I feel that kinda contradicts what being GNC represents in the first place - not conforming to expectations set by society.

Actually, I'd go as far to say that there are not RULES for being GNC, especially no strict ones. Some people would dare and say that you cannot be a GNC woman/butch if you have long hair, due to the fact that in many cultures, long hair is viewed as feminine - however, what those people fail to realize, is that they may be exclusive of cultures in which long hair is not viewed as feminine. which is important

Another thing - GNC to some people may be a meaningful label, and may bring a huge sense of community and acceptance and confidence, and for some other people it may be just another word that seems to fit them. To me, personally, many words are just that - names for things we experience. For many it can be comforting to know you are GNC. To some, they don't need a name for it. You might. Or you might not.

If you feel like it fits you, then go for it, call yourself GNC - you are not invading or violating anyone, lol. // But those are just my thoughts. Other people might have opinions that differ from mine. // There are many other things I could say, but this is all I have for now. Feel free to ask anything else if you'd like to hear my or anyone else's thoughts!

[thatfilthyanimal]

tw: stalking, grooming, pedophilia, sexual abuse, past suicidal thoughts

I've recently been made aware that Dupsy is still talking about me and is now going to random Megamind fans that don't know me and telling them to avoid me. I'm also aware that they're doing this in the Ruby Gillman fandom. I have no words to really describe the level of discomfort this brings me, but I will attempt.

First of all, all the "grooming" allegations were thoroughly debunked and proven to be bullshit. I can't believe I have to even say this. I'm a victim of grooming and sexual abuse myself. It's extremely traumatic and life-altering shit, and never something I would want to inflict on someone else. I feel like it should be obvious, with the measures I took in the server to ensure no child is exposed to such things. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD due to the shit that happened to me when I was growing up, and between processing that in therapy sessions and stomaching transitioning in a near-constant hostile-to-trans-people online social media hellscape, I am tired.

I love Megamind, more than anything, and this is known and obvious to anyone who's met me. This movie saved my life when I was extremely suicidal and planning to end my life back in 2010. Watching the movie when I did gave me something to focus on, a distraction, and a responsibility as a fandom member that helped distract me long enough to get out of the planning mindset I was in. Had I not seen the movie, I do not think I would have stuck around. I will leave it at that.

And moderating fandom spaces for Megamind has been lovely! I adore this fandom. The people in it are extremely talented and sweet, and just so damn nice, like by default. I say this all the time but I've never experienced another fandom space quite like it. There are usually bad eggs in fandoms, and perhaps -I- am said "bad egg" to some, but genuinely this one is special. I have always felt that way, even when the bad eggs show up and make a stink. It has always felt worth being here for, to me.

And while I hate to give Dupsy the satisfaction of knowing they hurt me, I need to be honest-- it's been rough. I stopped talking in my server, I locked up on most of my friends and stopped talking even in DMs. I still struggle with severe anxiety in the server and have talked to Dal on various occasions about transferring the server ownership to him. He's been very patient with my freakouts and super understanding, but it's still hard. This WAS a place I felt safe, for over ten years! And now it feels like any minor can just say I'm a groomer or a pedo or whatever with ZERO consequences, just because they're mad, just because these are words that make people go "oh shit" and listen, and man! It's not ok! And this coupled with the fact that trans people are often called groomers just for existing, just… man! I'm tired. I'm so tired.

There are real, severe, damaging effects to these claims being thrown around so casually. It's hurtful to me, as a victim of sexual abuse, because when I came forward to people about what happened when -I- was a minor, I was told I "wanted it" and "asked for it". It was made to be my fault that I was abused, and I internalized it for years. It nearly killed me. I cannot stress enough how important it is to not use claims like pedophilia and grooming so lightly-- these are VERY damning terms to use on people and should be reserved for people ACTUALLY HARMING OTHERS. Being mad I banned you from the server is not "abuse" and using my Customer Service Voice to be nice to you and then being obviously tired of you when you were banned is not "emotional grooming". What the actual fuck. ALSO. This was well over a year ago! Why am I still having to post about this? Why are you still TALKING about me? And yet again I ask, where the HELL are your parents?

Anyway, if you've been wondering why I've been so quiet these days and struggling to socialize… honestly? It's this. I hate that this is what did it. I know people trust and believe me, I know the fandom backs me up regularly and I appreciate them all so much for it. I see it, but I never know how to respond. You guys continue to make this fandom feel safe for me even when my entire brain is screaming to run, and I appreciate you so much for it.

Kids deserve to be trusted when they tell people they've been hurt and I hate that the recent proshipping discourse or whatever you want to call it, this culty all-or-nothing shit, has a bunch of minors growing up feeling like EVERYTHING is something to call rapey or predatory, with apparently little room to distinguish when REAL abuse is happening to them. I don't blame anyone for believing Dupsy, and it's honestly better they DO believe all unproven claims of abuse by default, just to stay safe-- but man, it has consequences that follow people, and really should not be a thing to just throw around because you're mad at someone. I just can't believe they're STILL going around and reaching out to strangers telling them to avoid me… like, what the fuck.

I will be ok, I always am eventually, but I needed to say something, because it's honestly been a while since I've said much of anything.

Keep being kind. <3

[foxgirlintestines]

The one piece of advice I can really give to younger trans girls is that you really need to embrace the parts about you that you actually liked pre-transition. There is often that crushing weight of gloom and self loathing that comes with severe dysphoria that tells you that everything about you is wrong, but that can just your mind being clouded with negative emotions, and it becomes harder to see the positives. In the end, though, you probably aren't going to become a perfect barbie doll, and that's ok, but striving to become something like that can drive you crazy.

When I first transitioned, I just wanted to be a girl, no ambiguity, just look like a stereotype. It was never really possible, I'm almost 6 and a half feet tall, and the women in my family are not thin, when I got on estrogen I gained weight fast, and it did not go to all the right places. I wallowed in bed a lot, and I just kind of kept getting worse. Oddly enough, it was getting into fetish content where less standard body types were lusted after more than regular anime proportion waifus where I started to see some of the more positive aspects of being amab. I was tall, strong, could be threatening and having a big squishy gut was actually quite attractive. I started to remember things about me when I was younger that I kind of pushed out of my mind. I was the "guy" who would run the mile in PE then casually walk along-side my friends and keep them company so that they didn't get teased, and one time I picked up my overweight friend and just carried her the last bit of the way because she was exhausted and the teacher couldn't really do anything about it because even as a young teenager I towered over him. In theater when there were heavy props to move I just lifted them up and tossed them around when we didn't have grip present. When we were out drinking in college, I was the "safety" who intimidated people so they would not try and take advantage of the drunk girls. I am big, and even if is not very feminine, I like that about me.

I changed my transition goals, I started working out again, not just cardio exercises to lose weight, but weightlifting, squats while holing a barbell, throwing around a medicine ball, and doing laps around my backyard while holding a ~150lb dead tree I ripped out of the ground while doing yardwork on my shoulder. I got healthier, I got happier, and much to my new endocrinologist's chagrin I've been gaining more weight, though now it's muscle. There are still plenty of things that I changed to be feminine, I wear my hair long, I wear girly clothes, often cute shirts with open tops that show off my large arms shoulders and cleavage, and mini-skirts. I put on make-up, lots of bold goth get-ups with heavy eyeliner black lipstick and glittery deep grey eyeshadow. Long painted nails, jewelry, hell sometimes a sparkly rhinestone tiara when I really want to ham it up, cute open toe heels when not wearing my big stompy boots, and of course the biggest one (pun intended) my massive boobs that I got the largest implants legal to be used in the US to make me busty as hell. I don't look like a barbie, and I no longer want to. I'm to the point that people often don't know whether to call me sir or ma'am, but the fact that people say sir or ma'am meekly like they are afraid of getting it wrong is way better gender confirmation than being called "lady."

I am happy now, well, at least happy with my body, there is plenty of shit in the world that still makes me depressed as hell. At least I no longer feel that dysphoria, and it makes those other things a bit more manageable. I think even if I did achieve my original transition goals, I would not be as happy with my body as I am now. You got to find that about yourself too, sometimes you will actually miss things about who you used to be, even if those times were overall worse.

As a silly little comparison, these two pictures of my fursona (which reflect my ideal body type) were made before and after I accepted the things about my body that I didn't want to change.

[fanonical]

I see your point about June (and June is my favorite too). And I've definitely seen people headcanoning trans boy John out of really blatant spite, and complaining about June in a way that felt extremely pointed, like her mere existence is an insult and a source of hurt.

Buuuut on the other hand, many people loved transfem Roxy for a long time before the Epilogues, and I think it's fine and fair for them (... okay, us) to feel fleetingly disappointed that Roxy is transmasc in the Epilogues. I also think it's fine and fair to continue headcanoning Roxy as transfem, because the Epilogues were very explicitly in-text framed as one possible continuation out of many. I won't lie, I just love that t4t f/f Roxygen.

So my line of thinking is, it's probably still fine and fair to also love trans guy John, if people are inclined that way. It's more about the way that they do it? If you're finding yourself framing June as some kind of invasion on your holy safe space by the mean and terrible new writers of Homestuck, you need to take a step back and reexamine the transmisogynist bias there, and most importantly you need to stop being so goddamn rude to the people making art that just isn't for you. But on the other hand, I think simply ignoring the Epilogues and doing your own thing with trans boy John and his shaving cream trauma, that to me is perfectly in line with - and in fact respectful of - the spirit of the Epilogues.

(Similarly, I don't think it'd be bad to do a reading of the TUA comics where Vanya is a trans girl; I don't even think it'd be bad to write an AU genderswap of the TUA show universe where Viktor is a trans girl, though I'd greatly prefer if other characters' gender was changed too in that case.) (For example, I'd enjoy a full swap where A and V Hargreeves were the only "boys" growing up, and then V transitions and A is left all alone with his masculinity and he lets it steep into resentment. Also, sometimes you want trans girls with violins blowing up the world.)

Right, I hear what you’re saying but I think there’s a couple of key differences here

First of all, we know for a fact that Roxy being transmasc was prompted by a transmasc writer who was repeatedly & horribly transmisogynistic about transfem headcanons, so I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to assume that he really did specifically hate transfem Roxy headcanons out of spite so much that he made it an impossible reading in both timelines. But even then — I do think that if somebody specifically just decided Roxy is transfem and everything else from the Epilogues is the same (or magically headcanoned away as making sense somehow) then they would be intentionally misunderstanding & rejecting the text too. Like, that’s ok, that’s literally what a large part of fandom is, but the reasons for doing this are not neutral, and they reflect hegemonies & wider values.

In the case of transfem Roxy the point is to pointedly reject something we think is transmisogynistic — we have been teased with transfem Roxy for years, it’s an obvious & clear reading of her relationship to Callie in Act 6, and so I think it’s a legitimate criticism of the Epilogues. Meanwhile, there straight has not been years of hints for transmasc John, in fact, to headcanon June as transmasc you have to pointedly ignore her already extant queer narrative.

I also think you either misunderstand or are intentionally misunderstanding how alternate realities work in The Homestuck Epilogues & Homestuck Beyond Canon. They are not just one continuation out of many — there is only the two as far as I’m aware. I’m not up to date with HSBC but it’s my understanding that reality was cleft in two.

i agree with you on the Umbrella Academy! because this is something that has been like rebooted to switch things up, those characters are gonna get remixed. i’d love to see a transfem Vanya somewhere down the line. but if i only blogged about the tv show and i was constantly & loudly explaining how i prefer transfem Vanya and how she should be transfem in the show then I think that would obviously be in poor taste.

i think what bothers me is the boldness of so many men to be like “idk i just prefer this as a man character” right in the replies of posts where transfems are gushing about/sharing their transfem headcanons. I can’t even talk about June being trans without a few people saying that, and that’s actually confirmed as 100% happening, so it’s even more impossible to escape with like transfem Link headcanons etc.

i think all in all, transmascs, trans boys & trans men should try and leave more space for their sisters in the community. it is not subversive to wish every character was a man. just misogynistic. leave room for transfems, trans girls & trans women in fandom and beyond, folks.