#some part of me is still the 13 yr old crying as she watches 11 disappear for 12 to come in

[dreamerwriternstargazer]

I’ve been rereading Anne of Green Gables today and laughing over it a little, because Anne is so dramatic and of course I agree with her but also it’s… it’s funny now I’m a little older to read it and see how dramatic she is

And I suddenly just got this flash of a memory

Of when I was 11 and reading the bit where Anne’s a bit older, when she’s 16 and getting ready to go off to college, and feeling sad. Why did I feel sad? Well, because towards the end of the book Anne grows up you know, she gets a bit quieter and solemn and, all the things people become when they grow up. It’s a specific chapter in fact, where Marilla notes how Anne has changed and Anne laughs a little and says that she thinks as much as ever but she doesn’t express it so much because it’s nicer to keep it as thoughts hidden away - especially things people may not understand. That’s not the exact quote but the gist of it

And I remember reading that chapter and feeling sad, because Anne’s not quite the same and I really hoped she would be the same as she grew up, it seemed almost tragic that instead of talking all the time she keeps her thoughts as “dear little treasures locked away”, I wanted her to stay talkative and imaginative and full of big words and bravery as she always had. It comes up a few times towards the end of the book because the first book really does show Anne’s progression from child to the beginnings of adulthood, and while I did agree with Miss Barry later on who notes that Anne changing is like a rainbow, each shade is as pretty as the last, my 11 year old heart really felt sad I couldn’t have child!Anne for longer

I’ve felt that sentiment all these years and now, it’s sort of odd to read the misadventures of child!Anne and to laugh over them the way Older!Anne does and realise, oh. It’s happened to me too. I’m older.

And it’s odd because I barely noticed it happening, I didn’t realise it, or maybe I did and I forgot.

I feel it the way I smile and sigh over how small troubles are when you’re 12 but how big they feel, and the way it’s shown in Anne’s stories.

And in remembering all of this, remembering how my younger self wished for more of young Anne and how softly heartbroken I was over Anne growing up, I sort of wonder if she would be heartbroken over me?

I wonder what child!Star would think of me now. Not even child!Star, before I was Star. I wonder what she’d think of Star, of how I’ve changed. How I too don’t talk so much because people don’t always understand, how I keep my thoughts as treasures hidden away, would she think I was less brave or self assured for doing so? I sometimes wonder that myself on bad days. Days where I feel too worried and torn to know how to express myself, days where I’m scared to talk to anyone and make friends or just… talk in general.

I wonder what she’d think of how I don’t run and pounce onto people with a hug anymore, or how I don’t carry a whole Kate Weatherall bucket kit in my bag with me anymore “just in case adventure strikes”

I wonder what Star from 3 years ago thinks of me too.

And it’s not so simple as just growing up. I mean it never is, is it? Not even in Anne’s case, there’s a reason she becomes a little more reserved, not everyone is a kindred spirit. But somehow that makes it even harder because…. In the end, have I changed myself because of everything that’s happened to me? In the end, have I yielded to all that pressure to conform? I think that’s the bit that pained me then, that pains me now still.

I don’t give in, don’t give up. And I’ve had far harder, serious things to deal with for the past decade or so at least, but despite whatever I have gained I feel a little… disheartened to think that because I spent everything I could on the battlefield, I’ve forgotten bits of myself on no man’s land.

I feel happy I understand Anne a bit more, but I’m also saddened, but also not completely because it’s still different between us. Later, in another Anne book, Anne’s House of Dreams when she’s newly married to Gilbert, she meets a woman called Leslie. Though she wants to make friends with her she feels faraway from her, and someone tells her that’s because Leslie’s life has been so full of tragedy and Anne thankfully though not always having had a perfect life, did have a very full and happy one. I read that when I was 17 and felt a little glimmer of connection to Leslie but not so much because “surely I’ve had a happier life than her”, and as the years go on I feel it more and more, and though I’m grateful for all the good in my life Alhamdulilah I’ve become much more aware of how there’s…. There’s been more tragedy and pain than I could recognise. And part of the pain is this, is realising that as much as I try to pray and hope I am unscathed I am not, that there is something changed even if it’s small.

Even if it’s just hiding my thoughts away.

I might not be… soured or injured or bitter but… I feel disappointed I couldn’t hold on harder to that childish courage we all have in expressing ourselves to the world. And maybe it’s natural, maybe it would have happened anyway, but I feel disappointed all the same, it just so happens the disappointment is compounded with pain knowing that some of the tragedy has some responsibility in it occurring.

Knowing that this is the shellshock after a lifetime of demons and dragons that lurk in the dungeons

So, I don’t know where I’m going with this. Not really, not properly. These are thoughts I used to put in a journal but my journals don’t feel as natural for rambles anymore, my thoughts in them feel more natural in the form of poems and art.

It’s always possible to fix a problem, if you find one. I don’t know if this is a problem, I do know I’ve been fighting to remedy it this past year, to try to reach out to people and be a little more myself again, but I don’t know if I can change to that again. Or maybe I can, but there’ll always be some part of me that’s a bit more hesitant now. I’m describing growing up aren’t I? Losing your naivety, only it doesn’t feel like that because I feel strongly I wasn’t naive, only braver.

Maybe I was just braver because my armour was brand new, maybe I’ve pushed myself a bit too far since.

I don’t know. I don’t really know what this post amounts to, except for musing, and a question into the void, or to my younger self, am I a disappointment?

I… sincerely hope not. I hope that if she were able to see me she would still see herself. Something I struggle with on my worst nights. I hope that even if my younger self feels a bit of heartache at the change, she doesn’t see a stranger, I hope she sees a regeneration instead of a change. I hope she can smile and be glad of who she became even if she misses the people she was, because I’m not sure yet if I can.

I think… I understand the Doctor more than I ever did before this moment.

[clearskiiess]

I actually have the best idea for your "talk about" ask meme. Do 1-40 please 💕💗💞💟❤️💖 Give Us Your Autobiography

1  - talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

already answered !

2 - talk about your first kiss.

damn well that aint happened yet. lol

3 - talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.

hGGGG probably my best friend and crush miriam. god im fucking in love with her omfg gO DODKLHFSHFDJDKHK i wont ramble too much but omffhjfkfjkdhfkjd thnak god shes not on tumblr or id die eeeehggGGGH like we flirt a lot but we’re not dating quite yetaaa ghddgh

4 - talk about the thing you regret most so far.

nothing bitchesssss 😎🤘 i regret not getting into good music earlier maybe.

5 - talk about the best birthday you’ve had.

already answered!

6 - talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.

uhhhghghgh not really a bad one i can remember ! all of them have been good, some better than others ofc but theyre still good even if i dont get prezzies.

7 - talk about your biggest insecurity.

ohufuibfhkbkjbjk probably my art and drumming and writing opps.

8 - talk about the thing you are most proud of.

already answered !

9 - talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

already answered!

10 -  talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.

damn probably me and my mum, we fight kind of often but yeah djldfkjjkdjkdkj those are probably the worst fights i have. or me and my dad

11 - talk about the best dream you’ve ever had.

already answered!

12 - talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had.

damn uh kinda dont wanna answer, too personal sorry eee

13 - talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

idk really, just being with someone i really like or even love and its just super fun and casual, and like just exploring it? yeah

14 - talk about a vacation.

ooo when me n the fam went to europe when i was 10 and we went to paris for 4 days, then germany for 2 weeks and norway i think 1 or 2 weeks? it was bloody awesome omfG it was great !!!! my family is big on travel so we usually use our money on it.

15 - talk about the time you were most content in life.

already answered !

16 - talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.

eh not really? maybe friend’s parties as a child but thats kinda it. dont really go to parties yet eee

17 - talk about someone you want to be friends with.

already answered !

18 - talk about something that happened in elementary school.

uh thats primary right? well, nothing interesting i remember in year 6 i loved warrior cats and me n my friends would roleplay it a lot at school, everyone thot we were weird but i didnt care ahah.

19 - talk about something that happened in middle school.

well thats high school for me so, nothing interesting either. maybe that one time with my old friend domi and maya and it was yr 7, i was 13 i was staying home cause i was sick af. and maya called me up, obviously trying not to laugh. and she was like “domis broken his leg! help help! what do i do” and im like uh. why are you calling me??? call the ambulance or get a teacher to do it for christs sake! i dont even believe you. and she was like yeah look! and sent me a fucking photoshopped pic of him lying at the bottom of the stairs, it made me fucking laugh so hard i was like, bro you expect me to believe you? ok buddy. bye. and hung up it was funny af

20 - talk about something that happened in high school.

^^^ answered above lol.

21 - talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

ggghHHHH ok i had to turn down my friend austin in yr 7  bc domi was pressuring me to go out with him cause i told him about how i used to like him, but for some reason that meant i still liked him to him??? so he kept going on abt it saying ask him out etc so i caved in and did and the date was so shitty i just faked sick and left and we didnt talk for a bit, but thats long gone and we’ve made up now lol, just good friends

22 - talk about your worst fear.

already answered ! 

23 - talk about a time someone turned you down.

hgg not happened yet,,, thank god 

24 - talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

well whenever someone compliments me on anything really or says im their best friend like??? psjksfjkdjkhfsdjlfds ok dead,,, or when they say i love u i jusT DIE

25 - talk about an ex-best friend.

already answered!

26 - talk about things you do when you’re sick.

already answered !

27 - talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body.

uh??? idk hands. i love hands a lot. and collarbones. and lips. and eyes. and eyebrows. and legs, and tummies and - ok ill shuT Up

28 - talk about your fetishes.

dont really have any. maybe hands

29 - talk about what turns you on.

hands. teehee

30 - talk about what turns you off.

i dunno,  any bdsm like at all ahahaha. srry bros

31 - talk about what you think death is like.

i dunno really? sometimes i feel like its nothing, like we’ll just die and stop functioning and just rot and become one with the earth. but sometimes i feel like maybe there is an afterlife, like not what we think but yea? like i dunno.

32 - talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

ohh boy , well one is this river near my house, or creek really. i love it a lot its great, i love going there and watching the birds and hearing the water rush.

33 - talk about what you do when you are sad.

eh, kinda just cry my eyes out and listen to music or watch a good movie and then i feel a bit better.

34 - talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.

uh well as of recently i can remember, was when i got jaw surgery in april this year. now this shit was fucking horrible, for a month and a half my face was puffed like a balloon and bruises everywhere, and i literally could not eat cause i couldnt bloody move my mouth! i was confined to my bed and i lost so much weight bc i could barely eat and i was throwing up old blood and shit during that time and i couldnt fucking sit up without drooling cause i couldnt control it it was so fucking gross man. at least i look better now but it was hell lmfao.

35 - talk about things you wish you could stop doing.

uhhh idk maybe staying up all night n shit, i dont think anything else? maybe avoiding school too. oh , and ofc get rid of my depression hahah

36 - talk about your guilty pleasures.

eeeeeee nothing rlly? i dont feel guilty abt shit, i shouldnt

37 - talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

uhm i guess my ex bf tyler, well gf at the time but yea, i loved him a whole lot dkjfdhdhfhkdj but we were only 12-13 yknow and he lived in the us so it was rlly sucky. but it was a good time, just some experience

38 - talk about songs that remind you of certain people.

damn well, sweet child o mine by gnr reminds me of my friend claudia, she LOVES stuff like gnr and ac/dc, motley crue etc. and for u maxie, killer queen def ! and gold dust woman for me friend mazzy,,,, and in my life omg for miriam sjdjdjdjfkg

39 - talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.

already answered !

40 - talk about the end of something in your life.

already answered !

tYSM BBY MAXIE ILYSM

[kylorenpunk]

Payback is a bitch. Do them all.

“itAy thanks for curing my evening boredom

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

     I think it was my friend Elli during a service project or my friend when we went to the movies (we occasionally pretend we’re a couple when we go to the movies lmao) 

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

    Shy. It was super hard to make friends during grade school. But if you put me with the right people I can be outgoing. 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

     My friend group tomorrow. I think we’re playing smash again? 4. Are you easy to get along with?

     I think so? I have no idea tbh. I know I was a bitch when I was younger though. Hopefully I don’t put off those vibes now 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

     The only time we interacted I was drunk so no lol. 6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

     Tattooed, nerdy vibes, can make me laugh, nice eyes, idk I just like guys ok7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

     HA. Nope. 8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

     Romantically? or friendship? Also bold of you to assume whoever does these are straight. To answer, my friends who are all homies. 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

     Depends on the subject. I am always down to make sex jokes but don’t fucking tell me the shit you did with your SO the other night.10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

      I’m always down for deep convos tbh so I do this frequently. I think the last full length deep convo I had was with Jessica though? 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

      “LMAO” to Joey bc I rick rolled his ass. Bitch apparently I’m always texting you?   12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

       According to spotify it’s: Alexander HamiltonGoodbye Yellow Brick Road (Sara Bareilles’ cover) When I Was Your Man (Aaron Tveit’s cover) The Greatest Show The number one song is one I don’t listen to any more so I’ll replace that with the song I’m listening to “How Far I’ll Go” 

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

      God yes. That’s the BEST feeling. 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

      Not really miracles. But I do believe in luck in a sense 15. What good thing happened this summer?

      My birthday. Going to Chicago. 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

      Sure I’ll kiss my mirror again. Sorry y’all I don’t kiss and tell.17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

      Absolutely.18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

      I have had so many I don’t remember my first crush. And I know for a fact I didn’t start talking to crushes till the middle of high school19. Do you like bubble baths?

      No I hate baths. I think it’s gross. 20. Do you like your neighbors?

      I like their dogs. Especially the beautiful pit I get to dog sit 21. What are you bad habits?

      I get very nervous very easily. I’m unsure of myself. I’m also messy.22. Where would you like to travel?

      New York and Europe 23. Do you have trust issues?

      Who doesn’t? 24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

      When I go to sleep.25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

      My stomach. 26. What do you do when you wake up?

      Check my phone. It’s really bad. 27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

      Neither. I like my skin color even though I’m pale as fuck. 28. Who are you most comfortable around?

      I’ll have to say my friends Yara and Josephine. Love all my other friends and no offense to y’all I’m just really self conscious 29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

      LMAO one basically did the other day. At least he regrets how he treated me. That’s some tea. 30. Do you ever want to get married?

      Hell yeah. Am I currently ready for it? Hell naw. 31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

     She’s too long. I really want to cut her but that costs money. 32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

      Chris Hemsworth and Anne Hathaway. Or Vanessa Hudgens33. Spell your name with your chin.

      done. That was strange? 34. Do you play sports? What sports?

      I did soccer for one season when I was 6. I spent most of the time playing with my hair. That was the end of my athletic career. 35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

      TV bc we have netflix and hulu 36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

      Tons of times. It’s my brand. 37. What do you say during awkward silences?

      I’ve been doing shitty mouth pops recently. I also start rambling about my day.38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

      Someone that puts up with my bullshit 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

      TJ Maxx. Ulta. Target. I don’t shop often. 40. What do you want to do after high school?

      I’m outta that shit hole. Have been for 5 yrs. 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

      Of course. 42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

      I’m listening fully and don’t really have anything to contribute yet. 43. Do you smile at strangers?

      Working at a hotel has forced me to. I hate it. 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

      SPACE MOTHERFUCKERS - the ocean freaks me out45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

      Needing to pee, hunger or work 46. What are you paranoid about?

      EVERYTHING. Mainly the future tho 47. Have you ever been high?

      Nah. Not opposed to it though. 48. Have you ever been drunk?

      Yep. I get really touchy. It’s weird. 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

      Stalk people’s social medias? 50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

      Grey 51. Ever wished you were someone else?

      I wish I was Vanessa Hudgens. 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

      I won’t write it here 53. Favourite makeup brand?

      NYX. Cheap and good. 54. Favourite store?

      Target 55. Favourite blog?

      My own. 56. Favourite colour?

      Pink or Green. Depends on the day.57. Favourite food? 

      Anything with pasta or rice 58. Last thing you ate?

      pasta 59. First thing you ate this morning?

      beef jerkey. I have weird cravings60. Ever won a competition? For what?

      For being the world’s most emotional bitch 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

      Hell no. Stay in school kids. 62. Been arrested? For what?

      Nope.63. Ever been in love? 

      Yep. Still don’t kiss and tell. 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

      I know I just said I don’t kiss and tell but this isn’t talking about the person. Wet. Gross. Sloppy as fuck. They were shit at kissing. 65. Are you hungry right now?

      Nah. 66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

      I have one tumblr friend. He’s a pal. 67. Facebook or Twitter?

      Twitter68. Twitter or Tumblr?

      Twitter. I’ll make one for this blog soon. 69. Are you watching tv right now?

      No I’m listening to Miss Independent by Kelly Clarkson. 70. Names of your bestfriends? 

      Kim, Michelle, Jessica71. Craving something? What?

      Nothing. 72. What colour are your towels?

      Pink and green72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

      It used to be two until I got a new giant pillow this week. 73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

      I have them. I don’t sleep with them. 74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

      Four. I just counted. 75. Favourite animal?

      Meerkats 76. What colour is your underwear?

      Pink. 77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

      Vanilla 78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

      Strawberry79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

      Grey and pink 80. What colour pants?

      Dark grey and green - I’m in house clothes I don’t match 81. Favourite tv show?

      Jane the Virgin 82. Favourite movie?

      Hairspray 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

      Mean Girls. The second one was trash 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

      Mean Girls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

      SHE DOESN’T EVEN GO HERE 86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

      Bruce87. First person you talked to today?

      Joey?88. Last person you talked to today?

      Joey. What the hell. 89. Name a person you hate?

      Hm they don’t need their name here90. Name a person you love?

      My brother91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

      Someone from work 92. In a fight with someone?

      Nah I don’t deal with that bs 93. How many sweatpants do you have?

      None. I do leggings tho ( I think I have 7 or 8)94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

      2 hoodies 95. Last movie you watched?

      The Green Book96. Favourite actress?

      Anne Hathaway? 97. Favourite actor?

      Mark Hamill 98. Do you tan a lot?

      I burn a lot. I’m pale99. Have any pets?

       No 100. How are you feeling?

        Alright. Kinda pumped bc my fav cover of Come Together came on (from the Justice League movie)101. Do you type fast?

        Yes but this is still taking me a while to get through 102. Do you regret anything from your past?

        Hell yeah. No tea is being spilled tho103. Can you spell well?

        If I have a pen and paper I’m decent. 104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

        I miss some ppl yeah. Adulting sucks bc you can’t see everyone all the time105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

        Lol that was the only rebellious thing I would do in high school 106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

        Not that I know of? 107. Have you ever been on a horse?

        Yes I love horseback riding 108. What should you be doing?

        Studying for the GRE109. Is something irritating you right now?

        Boring drama stuff. I won’t go into details. I’ll get over it. 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

        Everyone has. 111. Do you have trust issues?

        Sis you already asked this. Yes. 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

        My mom? I was crying bc I could fit into old shirts 113. What was your childhood nickname?

        Family calls me Kari. Friends call me Rina114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

        Yep. Last month. 115. Do you play the Wii?

        We play Netflix on the wii116. Are you listening to music right now?

        “I am Woman” by Jordan Sparks 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

        Only from a can. I hate soup. 118. Do you like Chinese food?

        Fuck me up with crab rangoons 119. Favourite book?

        Eragon120. Are you afraid of the dark?

        I don’t like not being able to see. So sure. 121. Are you mean?

        I’m a dick to those I care about. Sorry. 122. Is cheating ever okay?

        Absolutely not. Dump their ass. 123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

        Nope. 124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

        I believe in infatuation at first sight125. Do you believe in true love?

         Not sure 126. Are you currently bored?

        I was till I started this 127. What makes you happy?

        anime, superheros, nerdy shit, music and makeup 128. Would you change your name?

        No. I used to want to as a child. 129. What your zodiac sign?

        Cancer. 130. Do you like subway?

        No. It’s gross. 131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

        Politely decline132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

        Already answered. 133. Favourite lyrics right now?

        “Yoko Ono, she got that Yoko OnoYou know that shit that made John Lennon go soloKnow that shit gotta be lethalIf that pussy broke up The Beatles” - Jay Z

Murder by Justin Timberlake (Featuring Jay Z)134. Can you count to one million?

        I could. I don’t want to though.135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

        Not sure. 136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

        Closed. 137. How tall are you?

        Five foot. Three inches. 138. Curly or Straight hair?

        My hair is wavy. I like both.139. Brunette or Blonde?

        I’m a brunette140. Summer or Winter?

        summer141. Night or Day?

        day 142. Favourite month?

        october143. Are you a vegetarian?

        nope but i’ve considered. 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

        dark chocolate. I’m old. 145. Tea or Coffee?

        tea - coffee gives me the shits 146. Was today a good day?

        It was decent. 147. Mars or Snickers?

        Mars148. What’s your favourite quote?

        “It’s not who we are underneath, it’s what we do that defines us.” - Batman Begins 149. Do you believe in ghosts?

        Yes and No150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? (via catscuddlingandyou)

         GRE prep book “Directions:” It said more but my fingers hurt from typing all day. 

[sehunsgirl]

1-102 :))))

question: why you like that. ok i’ll answer the ones i haven’t.

1. what’s a song you depict with your childhood?

Melanie Martinez’s Pity Party

2. did you have a memorable childhood pet?

i used to have a cat named Xiggy ( nickname for Xigbar. and yes the one from Kingdom Hearts LMFAO ) he was a stray who i got attached to and my mom got him all fixed up and tested and i kept him for a few yrs but he ran away HAHA 

9. which came first the chicken or the egg?

i hate this question that i refuse to answer. 

10. are you part of the lgbtq+ community? do you support them?

i am. i’m not straight. and...absolutely? haha.

11. how many siblings do you have?

i have only half siblings. 5 of them.

12. have you ever been in love with someone you couldn’t love?

since i’m not sure i’ve ever even been in love in the first place: probably not.

13. are you a good cook?

i forgot i was boiling water and burnt it just a few days ago. hope that answer this question!

14. what is your favorite tv show?

don’t have one! but i watch the Discovery ID channel every day lol

15. what is the last movie you cried during?

uh actually idek. pretty sure it was Mulan though LMAO ( i went on a disney movie binge )

16. what are songs you’ve cried to when you first heard them? (if any)

She’s Dreaming , Skyscraper , What If... , Time Lapse, and Wild Horses [ just a FEW ]

17. do you have a middle name?

it’s Monique.

18. have you been out of your country?

not yet! but i wanna!

19. are you a chocolate fan or not?

meh, not really. only every now and then do i eat it.

24. what is your favorite flower?

pink roses!!! 

30. do you have neat handwriting?

lmao NO. my handwriting still looks like it did in high school bc i rarely hand write anything anymore.

31. do you have a friend with benefits?

currently: DIFFICULT question pass!

32. do you want a friend with benefits?

actually. . been thinkin bout that but iduno!

33. if you could be anything in the world, what would you be?

Nothing.

34. have you ever been blackout drunk?

kinda. i hate getting blackout drunk if i am being honest. i know my own drinking limits, so i try not letting myself get to that point but i have been drunk to the point of falling asleep on my bathroom floor and waking up confused 😪

35. have you ever met someone famous?

like officially? No.

36. how many concerts have you been to?

five? ya five i think.

37. which concerts have you been to?

back in middle school i went to some papa roach / buckcherry / other artists with my step sister. i’ve also been to KCON NY twice and EXO’LuXion and EXO’rDIUM

39. what do you do when you’re stressed?

either cry or do something to act like i aint stressed until it boils over and then im back to crying 

40. do you think money can buy love?

no, but some people think it can. all the power to u if that’s what it takes for u to love someone ig

41. how old would you date?

like my age range in who i would date? tbh i’m not someone who really looks at age. you can connect with anyone, no matter what. though my cap is under 18 or over 40

42. have you ever done something illegal?

who knows

44. what is an unusual fear you have?

don’t think any of my fears are pretty unusual tbh

45. can you drive?

yes

46. do you believe in supernatural creatures?

absolutely. we aren’t the only creatures in the world. us, being humans.

47. do you believe in karma?

yup. what comes around goes around as justin timberlake said in the early 2000s

48. what is one quality you need in your partner?

honesty.

49. do looks matter?

trust me, they do not.

50. does size matter?

again, trust me, they do not.

51. who is the last person you forgave?

that is something i will keep to myself.

52. what is your favorite ice cream flavor?

butter pecan.

53. what languages can you speak besides english? 

none fluently, sadly.

54. ever been on a plane?

yes.

55. ever been on a boat? 

yes.

56. is there anyone you’ve lost touch with that you wish you hadn’t? 

honestly....yes.

57. are there any friendships you regret?

sadly, yes.

58. are there any friendships you wish you could make?

yup.

59. have you ever stayed awake for 24 (+) hours?

uhm... more often than not, i kinda do LOL but ya

60. have you ever walked outside after 12 am?

yes.

61. have you ever seen a sunrise completely through?

believe it or not: yes!

62. are you scared of rollercoasters? 

eh so-so

63. on a scale of 1-10 how stressed are you usually?

1000

64. do you have any plans this weekend?

i have an all day photoshoot planned tomorrow.

65. do you miss anyone right now?

i miss A.

66. who do you wish you were talking to right now?

A.

67. if you could have any superpower, what would it be?

cloning.

68. who is your favorite superhero?

don’t have one.

69. are you dirty minded?

... yeahhh hahah most times, also i see why you asked this since it’s the 69th question smh

70. what is your favorite song from every decade starting at that 80’s?

jesus. ... 80s: Darling Nikki ( by Prince ) 90s: My Little Secret early 2000s:  Say My Name

71. how many kids, if any, do you want?

maybe one or two

72. who is your biggest OTP?

let’s not ( its sebaek & baeksoo )

73. what is your favorite food?

chicken and dumplings!

74. do you want to be married one day?

i doubt anyone would wanna marry me but ya 

75. dogs or cats?

i like both

76. do you drink enough water daily?

not really but i’ve been doing better with this

77. have you ever seen a shooting star?

no! :(

78. if you had the opportunity to go to the moon, would you?

no lmao

79. how many best friends do you have?

two.

80. when was the last time you cried?

earlier but that’s because i was scared and not feeling okay

81. have you ever laughed so hard you peed yourself?

yes omg the memory is so vivid lmfao

82. have you ever made anyone laugh so hard they peed?

yes HAHAH

83. if you could travel any where in the world, where would you go?

Estonia, Seoul, Tokyo, Netherlands

84. what are 3 words you would use to describe yourself?

annoying, tender, lavender. 

85. do you consider yourself a loyal person?

absolutely.

86. what is your favorite season and why?

autumn because its not super cold or super hot even though there are super hot or cold days. it’s a nice in between.

87. have you ever told anyone you loved them, and didn’t mean it?

no. absolutely not. if i say it i mean it.

88. do you know how to play any instruments?

no Heh

89. do like like falling asleep to music or not?

it really depends on my mood when i’m going to sleep.

91. have you ever wanted to be someone else for a day just so you could see what there life is like?

No. because if i do that , that means they’d have to be me in return, right? i wouldn’t subject anyone to that. i’m in pain 24/7

92. if you could be any character from your favorite tv show would you, and if so, who would you be?

no cause they always goin through dramatic shit and i’d rather not.

93. if you could be best friends with any celebrity who would it be and why?

Sehun, deadass. he seems like he’s a chill and cool friend!

94. are you outgoing?

meh not really?

95.) have you ever wanted to kiss someone, but weren’t brave enough to?

yes :/

96. are you a good flirt?

no i suck at it and don’t really purposely flirt lol

97. have you ever been turned down, or have you ever turned anyone down?

both. though i’ve been turned down more than i’ve had to turn anyone down.

98. which planet is your favorite?

Venus.

99. are you superstitious?

very. i tend to get on peoples nerves LMAO

100. are you a good listener? 

Yes.

101. are you a good kisser

i’d like to think im okay?

[i-like-your-genitalia]

all of 'em?

I love you, whoever you are anon! You cater to my need for attention 😂

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

Okay whether or not my sexual attraction to guys is because I’m actually attracted to them or it is because from birth I’ve been told that I need and have to be sexually attracted to them

Also taxes and mortgages

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

Yes, my best friend and my girlfriend

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?

Nah not really! As long as it wasn’t affecting their ability to function at work and with others and wasn’t costing us financially

4: Do you find it easy to trust? N/A

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?

Rewatching criminal minds

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

Probably my sister or one of my best friends lmao

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

Fuck, I honestly don’t know. I’d like to say I’d go off! But I hate confrontation so I’d probably leave and never talk to them again

8: Are you close with your dad?

Yeah, we have our ups and downs but we are close!

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

I wish I had been kissing @dysfunctionalgroup

10: What are you listening to?

Humble (ft Emma Sameth) by Crvde

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?

Orange juice

12: Do you like hickeys?

Yes ahaha, but I think it’s a little tacky to have heaps of visible ones (like on your neck and they are excessive)

13: What time do you go to bed?

Anytime between 9pm to 2am

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? N/A

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? N/A

16: Do you always answer your texts?N/A

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?

I don’t hate them but it flickers between neutral feelings and anger

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

I’m talking to them right now

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?

Yes

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

I am going regret going to sleep at 2 when I wake up

21: Is anyone else in the room with you?

Sadly no

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?

Yes definitely, good vibes and do as you want to be done by

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?

In some ways yes, but also I’m not exactly unhappy right now!

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? N/A

25: In the past week, have you cried? N/A

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?

Right now? I’m not wearing one, it’s way too hot!

27: Do people ever call you by your surname?

I don’t think i have ever been called it? Unless you count it in a professional setting? Like Ms —-?

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?

Lmao probably?

29: Do you have a best friend? N/A

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?

Not particularly no!

31: Who was your last call/text message from?

My last call was from my sister telling me to come see her in her room! And last text message to one of my mates

32: Are you mad at anyone?

Yes one of sister friends! She treats her boyfriend like shit! He’s too good for her tbh

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Yeah Ahahaha

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?

Fuck idk????

35: How many more days until your birthday? N/A

36: Do you have any summer plans yet?

Work, sleep, eat, try not to be too anti social

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?

Used to! Turns out dudes can be bigger snakes and drama queens than girls

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?

Nah, honestly she probably knows too much about me

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?

Yeah, and I’m not gonna tell what it is

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

Nah, not really

41: Do you think age matters in relationships?

Yes, don’t date someone who is underage, especially if the fact they are young is the main reason you want to date! As for older people, like a 25 yr old with like 50 yr old! Then whatever floats your boat!

42: Are you available?

I’m with someone, it is technically an open relationship! However I’m not actively looking for anyone else at the moment!

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?

Since I’ve been out of high school???? Probably 2?

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?

I want a nipple piercing but I have inverted nipples so that not gonna really work out for me

45: Do you believe exes can be friends? N/A

46: Do you regret anything?

Not admitting my feelings to someone earlier and not being friends with my best friend earlier!!!

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?

How bad my chafing is going to be tomorrow and what episode of criminal minds I’m up to!

48: Did you ever lose a best friend?

Yeah, I’ve lost a few sadly

49: Was your last kiss a mistake? N/A

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?

Well I am, but it’s very long distance, just over 12,000 miles. So we are together but also it’s difficult!

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

Nah!

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?

Nope

53: What was the last thing you ate?

Burger and curly fries

54: Did you get any compliments today?

Yes but I’m always up for more 👌🏽💕

55: Where are you going on your next vacation?

Fingers crossed for Disneyland (France) or Barcelona but it’ll probably be the UK

56: Do you own anything from other countries?

Yeah Ahahaha

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?

It used to be a good mix but at the moment it’s mostly girls

58: Where have you lived most of your life?

New Zealand 🇳🇿♥️

59: When was the last time you took a long drive?

New Zealand probably when I drove to Upper Hutt (which is is like a solid hour and a bit from where I lived and I was freaking out that I was gonna drive past it and have to drive all the way to Masterton)

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?

Ahahah yes! It was so long ago

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?

Never, I kinda want to try it tho

62: Who do you text the most?

Probably my sister

63: What was the last movie you saw?

All the shrek movies

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?

The fact they hate their ex and he’s a complete douche canoe

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?

I don’t think I’d even had one at that point! I was like 13

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?

No but my first boyfriend was 😂

67: Do you curse around your parents?

No, but one day I’m going to slip up!

68: Are you happy with where you live?

I’d rather be back in New Zealand! But Spain is definitely an awesome place to say I’ve lived

69: Picture of yourself?

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?

Okay, both! It’s all about what you are your partner are comfortable with! I’d be happy in a monogamous relationship and I’m happy with an open one! As long as boundaries and communication is clear!

71: Have you ever been dumped?

Yeah ahahahahah

72: What do you most like about making out?

Being close with someone, that they are your focus and you are theirs!

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?

Yeah!

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?

Most of my kisses (which despite how it sounds have been fairly limited) are usually initiated by the other person

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? N/A

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?

My girlfriend

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?

Nope!

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?

Nope!

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?

Compliments of any kind tbh, and thoughtful actions and words! Also food

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?

Yeah, I definitely wouldn’t be opposed too it

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?

It all depends, the more serious the crush the less likely I am to tell people

83: Do you miss your last sweetie?

Yeah, but as a friends

84: Last time you slow danced with someone?

My girlfriend at the school ball! We weren’t dating then tho!

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?

I wouldn’t say dated, but I’ve had a thing with someone I’d never met in real life

86: How can I win your heart?

Good food, compliments and pampering me

87: What is your astrological sign?

Leo 🦁

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

Still watching criminal minds

89: Do you cook?

Yeah I actually quite like cooking

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?

Yeah, my first boyfriend! We broke up and it was alg! And even tho we lived close we never talked or caught up. But we went on holiday to the same place! So when I saw him the next year! We kinda settles back into how we were, when we were together 😂

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? N/A

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?

I’ve only had 2-3 serious relationships but casually dated a few people!

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? N/A

94: Name four things that you wish you had!

MoneyMy girlfriend and best friend close byMy dream jobA house, that I wasn’t having to pay off

95: Are you a player?

Not purposely

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?

Not romantically or sexually! But probably in a platonic setting ????

97: Are you a tease?

Not intentionally

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?

Sadly not yet! But fingers crossed I’ll get to see @geek-without-a-social-life and @lovely-babbi soon! 🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? N/A

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?

@dysfunctionalgroup also all my amazing mutuals! If I wasn’t such a broke bitch! I’d fly and take each one of you on a date 😘😘😘

101: Hugs or Kisses? N/A

102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?

Only if the other person is more extroverted than me, if I’m the more extroverted one! I’d make the first move

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

How built their shoulders and arms are, then their face!

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?

Yesss, I love pet names

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?

Depends on their relationship? If it was causal or open then alg? But if not! I’d not so kindly to fuck off and that if they are looking for attention elsewhere! At least be decent enough to break up with the other person

106: Do you flirt a lot?

Kinda, it’s more just too banter

107: Your last kiss?

I while I was clubbing! I met a guy I knew and we had a brief make out session!

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?

Nah it probably been max 4

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?

Lmao no one

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

My girlfriend

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?

Hopefully someone hot

112: Does someone like you currently?

Yes my girlfriend and at least one other person

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?

Ya, my girlfriend

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

Serious relationships, but flings are still a good time!

115: Ever made out with just a friend?

Not that I can remember

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?

They are different kinds of happy! So either way I’m content

[hellothisisourhouse]

Birth Story #2

Pic: my last week of being pregnant, Oscar at 1 day old, Oscar last week.

Getting ready to birth baby #2 should have been a piece of cake, but instead it came with a whole new set of worries and things to think about.  Being pregnant was much harder at the end - maybe being a couple years older, or maybe taking care of a toddler at the same time - the last few months dragged on like crazy.  I’ll especially never forget the bus rides when I was taking Lois to/from the nanny share before/after work - the looks I would get at 8 months pregnant lugging an almost 2 year old (and enough baggage for her day at nanny share and my day at work) around on the 7 line (a very busy bus).  At least I always got a seat, even if like 10 people had to move out of the way for me to get there!

Same warning as last time - this is a birth story, so if those things gross you out, don’t read this.  I haven’t written the rest yet, but I’m guessing there will be some yucky stuff and not just a little bit of drama.  If you love it, read on.  If not, look away!  There’s lots of other fun reads out on the internet :)

I try not to compare everything about this birth to the first one, but inevitably that’s what happens.  At the time when I was anticipating it, it was my only point of reference!  In any case, I would say my biggest question (like a dying-of-curiosity question) was - how will I know I am going into labor?  The first time my water broke to begin labor, but statistically that’s not the most common way to start.  Normally it’s with contractions and since my first birth was (weirdly) almost contraction-free at the beginning - I wasn’t sure I would understand the feeling of laboring at home, or know when exactly to go into the hospital.  Also, I had been totally mentally convinced that Lois would arrive late - and then she came 10 days early, which is also statistically not normal for first borns.  So when would this new baby decide to party?  To say I was on the lookout for signs is an understatement - I was pretty obsessed.

This time around I had had some braxton hicks contractions (I had none the first time), which felt like mild back cramps in the weeks preceding the big day.  They were infrequent and I really wasn’t sure that’s even what it was - it’s hard to separate all the different aches and pains.  At one antenatal appointment (I got a ton of extra appointments, since I was SUPER OLD aka 35 yrs old), we were talking to a nurse about when I should schedule an induction, should we go way over our due date, and she said “I don’t think you’ll make it to your due date” with a little knowing smile.  I have no idea how she knew, but when your full time job is monitoring super pregnant moms and relaying their monitoring results back to them, you probably get good at predicting these things.  She was right.

So my mom made it up to the Bay Area about a week before the due date (which was Sep 2).  We had a few days to bop around together, which I can’t really remember right now - although my instagram feed reminds me that we went to Ikea.  We were all excited to have her in the house, especially little Lolo. Unrelated to my mom being there, but also in the “lead up to the big day” category, a couple days in advance, I started to lose my mucus plug.  When I would go to the bathroom, stuff would come out - not anything huge, just like discharge, and once it was weird colors (sorry for the gross out factor, but this is supposed to be helpful for any other moms in my situation who are waiting around and just begging for a sign).  I googled imaged searched probably the worst thing I have ever had to search to verify what it was.

Ok, on to the big day - the day that I would finally find out how it was going to go down.  I would say it started around dinnertime.  My mom was making tortilla soup in the kitchen and I was playing with Lois on the floor.  When Brian came home from work he took her outside to play in the backyard, and I just fell asleep right on the floor where I had been playing.  I woke up when dinner was ready and felt so discombobulated - I had never done something like that before!  At dinner, my usually starving pregnant self stuck to one bowl of soup and just didn’t feel like more (normally I would be into seconds or thirds territory for sure).  In retrospect I know what these 2 out-of-character things mean, but of course I didn’t at the time.

After dinner we started Lois’ bedtime process and got her sweetly off to sleep.  At that point I had started to feel like a lot of cramping - mild, but it kept coming back every so often - not something I had experienced before.  I opened the notes app on my phone to record the times of the cramps around 7pm, but they were so far apart and random that I stopped and deleted the times.  I usually shower every other night, but I randomly decided I wanted one on my off night - maybe hoping to stop the achy feeling, or maybe I subconsciously knew it would be a while until my next one.

We all headed to bed for the night - I can’t remember if I mentioned the cramps to Brian or not - I was feeling superstitious or something, like I should keep this a secret.  By 10:30pm, I thought ok I’ll start recording them again just in case.  As we lay there in bed, I took out my phone every time my back hurt and jotted down the minute - 10:34, 10:41, 10:54, 11:05, 11:13... Finally after an hour or so, I showed Brian - do you think this is anything?  I was confused because it was so gentle - in the movies I’d be hanging on to doorways and deep breathing at this point.  Brian is always more aware of things than I am, and he said - yes, let’s call the nurse line now.  It took a couple calls and call backs, and I told them about the (maybe?) contractions, the mucus plug, and at one point I said I think my water is leaking (even though I’m still not sure if it did or I just peed a little).  I finally got on the phone with the actual midwife that I would end up delivering with - she asked me some key facts about Lois’ birth (how it was pretty fast) and where we lived (not that close) and she told us to come on in.  I’m glad we listened.

Our bags were already packed - we grabbed a few last minute items, and tiptoed downstairs where my mom was in the guest room.  I have a gap in my contraction notes from 12:22-12:48, so that must be when we were getting out the door.  It was sort of fun to wake her up and be like “We out! Thanks for taking care of Lois” and whisk out into the dark night.  Contractions picked up on the way in the car - by the time we got to the hospital they were a mere 2 mins apart and feeling MUCH stronger.  The last contraction I wrote down as we pulled into the parking lot was 1:01.  I remember walking from the car to the building and stopping at a concrete pillar to hold on to it while a contraction passed.

They took us into triage and had me pee into a cup for some reason.  I can’t remember a lot from triage (vs last time when it was like the most chilled out relaxing hour of watching little cute mini contractions on the monitor).  I was pretty cranky already as each contraction was intense.  I’ll have to ask Brian what exactly happened in there - but the next thing I remember they were wheeling me on a gurney into the birthing room.  In my mind, they were asking me as we wheeled down the hallway - do I want an epidural?  And I basically panicked and yelled yes.  I knew that things were probably too far along, so that made the decision confusing, but I also did not want to feel any extra pain that I didn’t need to.

They got me to the room, which was bright and full of people (vs last time when the birthing room was all dark and empty and sleepy).  I sat on the side of the bed and the anesthesiologist came in to prep for the epidural.  I’m not sure how far along they got, but as I sat there, I suddenly felt a big gush and THEN my water really broke.  I was kind of in shock, and looked at Brian and mumbled “water, water” and he thought I was asking for water to drink.  It took me a bit to get the words out “my water broke!” and then it was all over the place.

I sat there a minute more and then yelled at everyone that I needed to push - that was a specific bodily feeling I remembered clearly from last time.  They did a cervix check and said yep you need to push.  This part was a bit harder than last time - I think maybe baby was bigger and I just had less time to wrap my mind around what was happening.  I think I even lightly protested - like, I take it back, I don’t really want to push.  But the whole team said yes, it’s time.  So we pushed for a few mins, taking breaks in between - it was very uncomfortable and I can’t say I was the most cooperative person in the world.  I got a bad tear last time and that was probably in the back of my mind.  At least they had given me nitrous oxide that I could suck from a mask, which is still my favorite thing ever - just a good distraction and I need a good distraction when something this crazy is happening to me.  Brian was by my side the whole time, and (also unlike the movies) I remember thinking he was the only person in the room I wasn’t mad at.  Everyone else was annoying me with cervix checks and telling me to push, but he was just there for support, to see us through.

In the end, I was glad they made me do it because out came Oscar - they put his purple wiggly body on my chest and he cried a great cry.  He had a mop of black hair, so that was something different for us!  His birth time was 2:12am - meaning we had only been at the hospital (parking, intake, triage, and birth) for an hour and eleven minutes total.  That’s what I call efficient!  The good news is I did not tear nearly as bad this time - yay for second baby luck.

I had asked Brian in advance to make sure to take some pics, since I didn’t get any the first time - but between the hair net the anesthesiologist had put on me, the badly chosen purple bra, and the whole disheveled scene, these pics will never see the light of day.  Things quieted down a lot after that, most of the staff left, and we just enjoyed being with our sweet new baby boy.  All his tests looked good and we moved into the recovery room for a few days.

I don’t want to go into too many other details, because the birth story is technically done.  Oscar had a heart murmur - a “very loud” one according to the million doctors that UCSF had milling around.  They took an echocardiogram and asked us to come back in 2 months for follow up - but everything was fine and the hole causing the murmur closed itself up by then.  We had visits from the grandparents and big sister - she loved Oscar off the bat, but was a bit cautious.  Over the months she has grown to love him more and more and it’s so sweet to watch them together.  Good job, little Oscar boy - we can’t wait to see how you grow into yourself day by day.

[r-o-se]

EXACTLY 101 comments over P101 S2E4 wow how did I manage that don’t ask me also sorry for the shit screencaps lmao NOTHING THAT CUTE OR COOL HAPPENED IT WAS JUST SAD

Yo those eps are getting subbed faster than they used to idk whats going on but I’m definitely not complaining lol lets get riiiiiiiiiight into the neeeeeeeeews

1.      Flashback scenes to Jisung and Jinwoo’s teams losing are not appreciated at all stop the MMO abuse

2.      ‘3000 votes is too many’ I AGREE the Be Mine team is training everywhere and all the time poor fucking kids

3.      Who edited this and thought that ‘wow a piano rendition of out song would be a great and dramatic choice’ newsflash it’s not I’m already done with this song lmao

4.      SHINEE SHINEE SHINEE REPLAY TEAMS YOOOOO

5.      Pink team Ren and Yuehua chinaliners vs green team Sanggyun  and MMO Jaehan and Taewoong

6.      The pink cutesy Ren team is…. Too aegyo-ish  I’m older than 80% of them yet I feel like a pedophile watching this SAVE ME SOMEONE

7.      Sanggyun and Justin are the centers and both fucking wreck their roles in the best way possible

8.      Justin is so overacting and cheesy I’m rotting lmao love my kid tho

9.      Lee Gunhee aka the (RBW?) kid whose intro vid was him singing while getting hit by shit to show how stabile he is keeps getting out of tune I’m sad and worried

10.   The vocals trainers in this show I stg their method is just singing the high notes and then looking at the trainee like ‘what u cant do this lol? Try harder’

11.   Ren is comforting the kid whos dying of self doubt u g h

12.   AND HERE WE GO LMAO THEIR SMILES ARE SO BRIGHT SOMEONE STOP THE PINK TEAM

13.   U get the most flowerboyish pretty boy that has ever lived (Ren) and u give him the ugliest haircut u can think of pretty sure this counts as a crime

14.   GUNHEE DID IT IT ONLY BROKE A BIT IN THE VERY VERY END HE PULLED IT OFFFFFF AND HE PULLS OFF ALL THE NOTES AFTER THAT TOO

15.   Zhu Zheng did a frontflip of course he did lmao also Jihoon is probs pissing his pants because everyone around keep winking lmao

16.   Team 1 is playing around and being cute w the camera but team 2 look a bit troubled also ugh they are too hardcore for this fucking god Zhu Zheng kiddo I love you but you put them into such a shitty position aaaaa

17.   Here we gooooooooooooo green team lookin cuter than I expected holy damn Sanggyun is SINGING and it’s SO GOOD FOR A RAPPER

18.   HE IS ALSO SHOWING HIS ABS LMAOOO THIS ISNT THAT SORT OF SONG AAHAHAH FUCK

19.   Their performance is really good? A Lot cuter than I predicted and the vocals are so goooood

20.   Why do all other trainees look so sour did u want them to fail or some shit just let the kids live they were forced into such an uncomfortable concept aaaaaaa I WANNA VOTEEEE

21.   Time for pain and results team 1 won with ~70 votes im SAD Sanggyun was the only one who took the position points win aaaahhhhhh  ngl I was rooting for #2 eventho #1 had Ren and Yuehua kiddos also 3000 votes is TOO FUCKING MUCHH I HATE P101

22.   Now its Mansae aka power vocals vs the leftovers rip

23.   Woodam is one of my fav vocals overall this season all of the shit he’s done his intro clip his evaluation and reeevaluation clips are all so golden I love that dude and obvs he’s SLAYING THIS SONG TOO AGH

24.   Team 1 Yoonsung left due to health problems this is what happens when u don’t give kids food and make them get stage ready within a week and rearrange within 2 days

25.   It stressed Woodam the fuck OUT and he messed up a looot during rehearsals, missing notes and whatnot

26.   Their rapper reminds me of cube Soyeon last season with his kinda small and cutesy looks yet super charismatic stage presence

27.   Woodams VOCAAAAAAAALSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

28.   Ok now the leftover group I really hope they will do alright they make me really sad ugh I really really really hope they’re okay u g h

29.   Theres this kid Hadon who is really salty about being in that team and leaves in the middle of practice and then won’t cooperate during trainers thing aahhh kid please

30.   Neverminddd they got nothing to show shit this is gonna be bad I am Very Worried

31.   Kahi is so nice I love her so much she’s so friendly and sweet and good truly the queen of this show without her it would be so much worse

32.   Hadon got his confidence back and their teamwork is so much better now and literally all of this got started by Kahi I LOVE KAHI SO MUCH BEST GIRL

33.   Their energy is a lot better than I expected I’m so glad they went through with their training and everything

34.   The Kim Youngjin kid has absolutely acceptable vocals I’m so glad they didn’t make any mistakes and just agh this team makes me sad

35.   Team 1 wins with overpowering 500 votes they got 500 votes MORE than team 2 it’s just so fucking sad dude 600+ vs 150

36.   But WOODAM ALONEGOT 207 VOTES WHICH IS MORE THAN ENTIRE TEAM 2 HOLY SHITTTTT THIS IS WHAT A POWER VOCAL DOES

37.   SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY

38.   I’ve waited for this stage for sooooooo long they got all of my fav kids in Minhyuns team and then Ha Minho and Seonho and Namhyung in the other team aaaaaaahhh I’ll call them red and black since that’s their suits Minho ‘s team is red and Minhyun’s is black. They all look so good truly nothing wrong with a nice suit

39.   Minho and Namhyung want to insert a self written rap since they’re both rappers and Sorry Sorry has no rapping parts

40.   Minho really really wants to rap but Seokhoon (the vocal coach) doesn’t want to let him and also is mad at him because he wants to rap instead of singing like wow what? A rapper wants to rap instead of singing?? Wow unbelievable

41.   CHEETAH CAME IN AND SAID HE WANTS TO HEAR THE RAP THANK U THANK U THANK U Minho kiddo looked like he’s gonna tear up when he saw her

42.   Seunho was chose to jump on other’s backs since hes so handsome and APPARENTLY ALSO A PIANO GENIUS WOW WHAT ON EARTH DID HE JUST PLAY

43.   I really hope this group will do good since their opponents are sooo strong

44.   Aaahahahha fuck their choreo is so good and the harmonizations I might be biased but the Sorry Sorry stages are literally The Best of this show so far

45.   Seunho is like what 16 yrs old who let him look so good go away his body build makes him look so much older

46.   DANCE BREAK IS SO GOOD DUDE WHAT AND SEUNHOS JUMP WAS SO GOOD HIS EXPRESSION AFTER THAT WAS SOO IMPACTFUL AAHAHAH FUCK DUDE some dude in the audience screamed like someone bit his leg off honestly same

47.   I’ve watched maybe 3 original SuJu sorry sorry versions yet I can sing almost the entire thing that’s what an impactful song means lmao

48.   TEAM 2 AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH THERE THEY ARE MY ULT KIDS

49.   JR is taking care of Hyunbin this is like Sejeong and Sohye last season honestly SO CUTE I LOVE JR SO MUCH THAT KID IS THE SOFTEST LEADER I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

50.   Their vocal coach tried to drag JR’s leadership uhh maybe kindly fuck off that kid doesn’t need your picking to hate himself when will he stop BLAMING HIMSELF

51.   Hyunbin is making mistakes and their dance coach keeps bullying JR like fuck no other leaders got this much shit even when their teammates couldn’t get it done right

52.   He takes all his time to take care of the others like help Hyunbin and Jaehwan with their dance and sleepy/sick Daniel

53.   JR finally broke when Hyunbin isn’t taking it seriously enough

54.   Sorry Sorry black team laughing together in deliriously sick sleep deprivation and choking stress is still probably the most beautiful ray of hope and sunshine in this ugly show I LOVE THIS TEAM SO MUCH

55.   There we go the best stage of this cursed show is here Seungwoos expressions are SO ON POINT ITS SO GOOD JUST DEBUT THEM NOW

56.   They all look so good I’m shook Daniel with a middle part was something I didn’t know I needed before I had it

57.   Lmao Jisung jokingly doing the moves along when Daniel appeared

58.   JAEHWANS VOCALS AND HARMONIES!!!!!!!! F U C K !!!!!!!

59.   I’m so biasaed towards this team if u decide to bring my follower count into single digits for this it’s understandable

60.   But I still really love team 1 too please don’t misunderstand Ha Minho is my lil kid with enough balls to speak his mind even if he gets fucked by rude coaches for it

61.   ‘Result is important but other team did well so I told them that too’ I love JR ok friendship is magic

62.   HYUNBIN GOT THE HIGHEST SCORE OF THEM ALL. WHAT THE HECK DUDE LIKE BRO FELLA BROTHER I LOVE HYUNBINN HAVE LOVED FOR A WHILE BUT. THE HIGHEST SCORE?? BRUH? HIS OPPONENT ONLY HAD 7 VOTES THIS IS SO SAD IM SAD THIS KID IS DEAD INSIDE

63.   Everyone in team 2 besides Seunho got really low votes I’m so sad…… bruh…. They’re so so so so SO talented but they went against the popular kids…

64.   Showing individual votes is so cruel and 3000 EXTRA VOTES IS TOO MUCH IM E M O THIS IS SO UNFAIR FUCK THIS SHOW!!! Team 1 looks so wrecked I’m so sad they have almost a 300 vote gap

65.    It is BEAST TIME ONE OF THE BOYS HAS A CRUTCH WHAT THE HELLLLLL

66.   The crutch boy is Dongmyeong and he’s in team 1 as well as Sunghyuk with thick lips and looks a bit like Shownu

67.   Team 1 has a loooot of problems distributing parts and practicing in general while team 2 was almost ready

68.   Sunghyuk is sadddddddd and crying bc he feels like they’re gonna lose but in the end the practice went better tho thank god

69.   They look great Dongmyeong’s hair looks like vanilla ice cream with strawberry swirls and he’s sitting in a chair and singing doing the choreo with his hands SO CUTEEE

70.   The second team is very vocally gifted and has AMAZING HARMONIES WOOOO their main vocal Jinhyung is AMAZING

71.   Dongsoo from S.How I think got forced into a rap position and has a leg injury but he’s covering it up from teachers

72.   DONGSOO DID SO WELLL SO MUCH BETTER THAN THEYE SHOWED IN PRACTICE THANK U MNET FOR SHOWING HIS PROGRESS

73.   EVERYDAY I CHUG (CHUG) EVERY NIGHT I CHUG (CHUG)

74.   Team 2 won by like 100 votes, all of the team 1 members are very hopeless, esp Sunghyuk,  Team 2 Park Heeseok only got 5 votes holy shitt POOR BABY THIS MUST FEEL SO BAD HE LITERALLY TAUGHT THEM THE DANCE

75.   BE MINE BE MINE WOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK THIS SONG WAS MY FIRST EVER KPOP FAVE

76.   Hwiseung already did his military service holy shit he looks so young

77.   I don’t even know who I am rooting for both those teams are great team 1 has great vocals and teamwork+FNC Hwiseung the power vocal. Team 2 has great dance, more popularity + the little Woojin, Takada Kenta, BNM alpaca Youngmin and oldie Sungwoo

78.   Team 1 has an injured ankle too, Yehyun, but he’s still dancing  without crutches or anything

79.   HWISEUNGS VOCALS SAVED MY LIFE I WANT HIM, JAEHWAN AND WOODAM IN A TRIO PLEASE

80.   They changed Sungyeol’s ‘Can you hear me?’ into ‘Pick me pick me’ im ded

81.   Kahi is the best teacher I love her so so so much she’s the best thing in this entire show

82.   I FORGOT TIPTOES WAS SUNGWOOS NICKNAME THIS IS AMAZING

83.   I’m so glad they’re doing Infinite honestly I love Infinite can we do B.A.P or Teen Top or VIXX next

84.   Team 2 wins almost exactly by one hundred and the votes are veeeeery equal and Youngmin barely got anything why are the dancers not appreaciated

85.   AVENGERS VS BAEKHOS TEAM YOOOOOOOO Baekho has also Sangbin and Guanlin and RBW Lee

86.   IM CHOKING THE AVENGERS ALL SOUND LIKE BABIES WHY DID THEY CHOOSES THIS SONG IM CHOKING

87.   They can’t really sing, the avengers, damn. They lay it all on Daehwi but like cmon hes 17 and just tryna survive with the popular kids lol

88.   AAahahahahah they’re just little kids this is so funny to watch I’m sorry all Avengers fans but like shit when they break into the chest pounding part I just start to laugh their voices are so high don’t get me wrong I looooooove Samuel and Sungwoon but fuck this is funny

89.   They should’ve gone with Seventeen or SHINee something with a morer fitting image

90.   The Real Fuckbois team is now up fuck I love this team so much aahahahah like no shit they will lose to all of those popular kids but still

91.   Oh nooooo Baekho pointed out that the Avengers were cheating and using a third vocal for thhe high note without telling anyone WHAT AN EVIL MAN anyways Baekho produces music and does vocal coaching he knows what he’s talking about lmao lmao

92.   THEY LOOK LIKE SUCH DIRTY FUCKBOIS HOLY SHITTTT THIS IS BEAUTIFULthis stage is SO LIT dude I love it they just carried Guanlin as if he was on a throne now both Cube kids get to sit/step on other trainees lmao

93.   SOMEONE DID A BACKFLIP WHOS THAT IT’S THE BLONDIE KID WITH A LOOSE TIE ITS LEE INSU

94.   Team 2: are fuckbois

Entire dressing room: stands up and claps

It’s true I was there, clapping

95.   Guanlin trumped Samuel, Baekho trumped Sungwoon, all other wins go to team 1

96.   Am I salty? Yes I am Team 1 won with abt 200 votes. They have more views and likes on YouTube though.

97.   Mansae first team got the most votes out of all teams and gets to go to MCountdown IM SO GLAD ALL OF THOSE KIDS WHO AREN’T ON SUCH HIGH RANKS GOT SAVED I’M SO GGLADD

98.   I’m SOOOOOOO FUCKING ANGRY SO MANY A AND B RANK TALENTED KIDS ARE IN SUCHHHHHH LOW RANKINGS THIS IS DEPRESSING

99.   Lbr for a moment this show really isn’t about talent it’s about popularity and visuals

100.  WOODAM GOT FIRST THO IM SO FUCKING AMAZED THIS KID DESERVES IT SO SO SO SO SO MUCH DUDEEEEE THAT KID IS SO TALENTED I’M SO GLAD PEOPLE RECIOGNIZED IT

101.   SANGBIN FELL TO LAST PLACE WHY ARE THEY GETTING SO SO MANY VOTES 3000 IS TOO FUCKING MUCH IM SO MAD ALSO THEY SHOWED JINWOO FOR A MOMENT AND SANGGYUN IS WORRIED IM SSO SO SADDDDD THE NEXT EP IS ONLY A FEW DAYS AWAY ITS RELEASING ON THE SAME DAY AS BAP ARE IN GERMANY

YOOOOOOOOO Sorry for the screencaps again also pls message or talk to me I am... So Emotional over this show I love everyone i will cry when this is over and I won’t see like 40 of my kidws ever again