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chemicalpink · 3 years ago

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Hey, I hope you are doing good this was a thing that was wondering me so there are lot of bts future spouse /soulmate/twinflame videos being made on youtube and honestly everyone is being psychic like it has become a shitshow and what was previously just for curiosity fun and entertainment are becoming extremely emotionally invested in the topic especially for maknae line soulmate it would be interesting if the can do a tarot reading or your spiritual experience why is the future spouse saga turning ugly and does universe what us to know something through it !? Because it's becoming pretty crazy right now

Okay so I believe that yes, the spiritual part has a lot to do behind this occurrence, but I also think its roots lay on psicosocial matters and honestly I could go on for days about this but I’ll try to restrict it to a few points that you’ve mentioned

Why all of a sudden everyone seems to be tarot readers/astrologers/psychic?

The capitalism behind celebrities and how does that play a part in what is going on?

Are these people accurate at all?

How does energy shifting play a part in this?

Is the soulmate journey even something a third person would be able to note?

But first a Disclaimer: this opinion/rant is based on my experience with spirituality, I am obviously a mere mortal, so I do not hold the absolute truth. Spirituality is a constant learning process and it is open to discussion and interpretation of each person. I am also now a proud sociologist graduate that specialises in a lot of the stuff that has to do with what anon is asking, I’m a social behaviouralist applied to the entertainment industry as well but I’ll also provide my resources in the end.

A/N: Some of you might not yet be ready to read all of this, if I see ANY of you trying to start beef with me, even after the disclaimer, I'm gonna block you. If you want to talk more about it or want to discuss it further, DO SO OFF ANON. ISTG you’ve been warned, I’ve been working on this for the longest time, it even has resources to back all of it up! I’m so glad anon asked, I’m done being diplomatic on this topic (I know people that usually ask stuff are so respectful and i love you guys for it, this note is for those people that regularly jump on my asks to stir things up)

You guys are in for a whole academic article if you decide to read this

SO FUN AND EXCITINGGGG Let us start with behavioural economics as our base to understand the whole phenomenon, it's such a broad and kinda complex concept (especially since I’m trying to extrapolate it to this particular scenario) so let me do my best. It has a lot to do with trend following, although at least to me, it's unclear how exactly this content came to be (soulmate readings, channeling messages, etc) I am guessing it had something to do with an intersectionality between the general spirituality boom that we’ve met with during the pandemic and some person that just as any other marketable opportunity, saw a bridge between fandom life and this spiritual life (both prominent trends in the last two years or so) and honestly, it worked perfectly, whatever their initial intentions were, they threw out a new “product” and it kind of sold itself, two different trends coming together… turned into a behavioural game theory where if you played the part that allows your content to be consumed, you’ll get rewarded for it. In more simple words, tarot meets fandoms (alternatively, tarot meets BTS) is great as it is! but the fan behaviour (which we’ll talk about in a bit) positions the most private parts of the celebrities’ lives to be much more interesting than things that we are already able to see (personal experience, love readings do so much better than idk career readings and it all comes down to behavioural trends of perceiving ‘love’ as something very intimate)

Now, this is where we’ll begin to talk about capitalism as a whole, even in non-monetary systems like social media, where it takes more of a rewarding system via likes, views, reblogs, etc. The whole principle of us living in such a system is being aspirational, we see others profiting off of something, we might want to reach out and do the same so we can profit ourselves, which honestly, I think is what happened with the whole BTS soulmate readings boom, they get a lot of attention, and as a basic market law, as demand goes up and a few people that initially did these readings are no longer capable to satisfy the need of the people wanting to know all the tea, there are market opportunities for other people to do the same thing and increase the offer, although since this whole theory is behavioural, it is very context-dependant, which ends up not following the principle of the consumers being rational about how much and what content they consume, they just sort of consume all of it, regardless of whether the content creator is qualified to offer such content or not, which ultimately only adds onto a never ending cycle of more people claiming they are tarot readers/astrologers/psychics and fear nothing because this is the internet, you don't really have to enter any qualifications to be able to create content, whether someone is reliable in internet terms is basically all about how many likes they’ve got (which is why I always tell you guys to please consume content responsible).

When it comes to accuracy- I guess that’s the hardest part of all, we can’t just have pointers that would automatically tells us if someone’s craft is valid or not, since everyone’s craft is different all craft is valid to a certain extent (you can easily find scammers of course but that’s another story) what we can have are personal standards and deciding what content to consume or whose content to consume, but that’s entirely a personal decision and since so many people are invested in it- it seems really hard that these “market tendencies” might change any time soon. On that same note of accuracy, I really feel the need to talk about a major occurrence I’ve come across in this whole soulmate scene, minors. Now, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a minor and approaching spirituality (I was very much a minor when I started) but there’s a huge difference between just playing around and deciding to create content for the whole world to have access to. Of course I’m aware not all tarot readers in the BTS fandom are minors, and ARMY is very diverse and even if they were only minors it would be wrong to invalidate them, but we can’t ignore the statistics of it when touching this particular topic, according to 2020 data, 50,31% of ARMY are below 18 years old, and 42,59% are between 18-29 but why is this important? because the exact historical and economic moment we are living in mainly impacts these two age groups, thus making all 92,90% of ARMY a potential target to consuming or falling in a behavioural game theory of creating this content without them necessarily being qualified for it. But hey, why do you keep talking about the importance of being qualified? Glad you asked, creating spiritual content all comes down to one amazing term: accountability.

And this will explore two main phases of it, one applicable for that 50,31% that could potentially be drawn to create spiritual content and other for the 42,59% that could potentially be dragged to creating that content without much spiritual knowledge. For the first one, it has a lot to do with cognitive aspects, young people tend to do stuff without much further thought about how their actions impact other people, which, as they should, they are kids, they shouldn’t have to worry too much about emotional responsibility as us adults do, furthermore, they are in life stages where they can’t really comprehend many abstract concepts that we later learn in life, and spirituality is one of those concepts, so they tend to just have fun with it with no regards on how their content might impact other minors (this is where the whole feeding a false scenario that is potentially delusional in exchange of more views, likes comes into play) on a more spiritual level, they also aren’t able to comprehend the boundaries of the celebrities they’re reading for, us readers have to always be careful about the information we give out since it is not ours to give. As for the second group, some of this is still applicable since theorists consider a full cognitive maturity until 23 years of age, but since it is very intersectional itself, i would found it more to a spiritual responsibility, since they are young adults, and if they haven’t been spiritually guided as kids, they’re most probably eager to learn and just awakening yet to some of them the drive to this spirituality is content creation instead of inner work, so they get their hands on a tarot deck, might kind of read a few things, call it a day and start reading for BTS (note: not all of them, I’m aware)

As for the maknae line being the most sought out people with this content, I guess it kinda makes sense now that I’ve said all of the information above, maknae line is closest to the age group of 92,90% of ARMY, so they instantly become more marketable to this content creation and the whole Game Theory that we are seeing. With all that being said, and just adding a note coming from my own spiritual experience, soulmates in any form are a difficult topic for a third person to prode, which is why I, personally, tend to not touch that topic, love is one hell of a concept, especially since we all have different conceptions of love and interpersonal relationships. I do know for a fact that there’s only so far we can go in terms of fated connections, like with astrology, but even then, we would have to know their birth times exactly (so we can check for any indicator or a soulmate connection), and/or compare BTS with the rest of the world’s population in order to accurately tell if someone has a soulmate synastry/overlay/composite with them. Also, soulmate journeys are intimate and we are all just fans, what right do we even have to look for things that do not and will never belong to us?

This is why I’m always telling you guys to PLEASE consume content responsibly! Really! Us content consumers also have our part to play that can help us get more accurate, more drama-free content

REFERENCES (what? you thought I was joking? they’re in alphabetical order)

ARMYCENSUS 2020

Loewenstein, G., O’Donoghue, T., & Rabin, M. (2003). Projection bias in predicting future utility. Quarterly Journal of Economics, 118(4), 1209-1248.

March, J. G. (1978). Bounded rationality, ambiguity, and the engineering of choice. The Bell Journal of Economics, 9(2), 587-608.

Markus, H. R., & Kitayama, S. (1991). Culture and the self: Implications for cognition, emotion and motivation Psychological Review, 98, 224-253.

Mazar, N., Amir, O., & Ariely, D. (2008). The dishonesty of honest people: A theory of self-concept maintenance. Journal of Marketing Research, 45(6), 633-644.

Murphy, S. T., & Zajonc, R. B. (1993). Affect, cognition, and awareness: Affective priming with optimal and suboptimal stimulus exposures. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 64, 723-729.

Samson, A., & Voyer, B. (2014). Emergency purchasing situations: Implications for consumer decision-making. Journal of Economic Psychology, 44, 21-33.

Schwartz, B. (2004). The paradox of choice: Why more is less. New York: Ecco.

Shah, A. K., & Oppenheimer, D. M. (2008). Heuristics made easy: an effort-reduction framework. Psychological Bulletin, 134(2), 207-222.

Thaler, R. H. (2015). Misbehaving: The making of behavioral economics. Allen Lane.

Thaler, R. H. (2008). Mental accounting and consumer choice. Marketing Science, 27, 15-25.

Wood, W., & Neal, D. T. (2009). The habitual consumer. Journal of Consumer Psychology, 19, 579-592.

#i really said: thesis? wHERE #im sorry i jump at any given opportunity to rant #especially if it gives me an opportunity to share knowledge with you guys

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kris-p-banana-bread · 4 years ago

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Here DOAFP fandom, have some organic, locally-sourced, home-grown pain. This is basically just me, a scarred older sibling, projecting on Bobby, another scarred older sibling. I really reached into my post-loss psyche for this, so I hope you enjoy the headcanons and meta (AKA I hope you shed at least one tear).

It won’t let me link it here so the post that inspired this is under the read more at the bottom ✨

- When I first watched doafp, I couldn't understand Elena's aversion to Sam becoming a prominent figure in her mom's and her life. Now I understand it almost too perfectly. There was never supposed to be someone after Robert. He and Gabi were deeply in love and happy. Robert was it; he was the first and true love of Gabi's life. Sam showing up probably felt like a huge and utterly disrespectful slap in the face of Robert's memory, because he wasn't even supposed to be there. I don't know if that's as eloquent as I wish it was, or if it makes sense, and it probably sounds really mean to Sam, but it's not even really about him. It was always supposed to be Robert; Sam hasn’t earned the right to be apart of or associated with her family

- After Robert dies, Gabi and Bobby make it a habit to find and keep photos and recordings/videos of Robert, even if the latter only has him saying one sentence. They won't make Elena join them for the search, but after they find some of those old audios of Robert, they'll sometimes play them back for little Elena

- Bobby put up the keep out sign (I credit this to a few other blogs for discussing this tho) because that's where he would cry sometimes. He actually used to be pretty close with Elena, but after he put up that sign and started distancing himself from them a bit so they wouldn't see the times he cracked, he got a little more short and jaded with her. It's that, plus just growing into a teenager and stuff. And I'm not saying that he and Elena have a bad relationship, but he's become more snappy and has more walls up than he used to

- Sometimes Elena feels bad because she doesn't always remember her dad's voice. She was pretty young when he died, so even though she recalls it a bit, and the recordings help, it's been a while since she's talked to him in person, so of course she doesn't quite remember what it's like to actually talk to Robert and she's forgotten some of his mannerisms. She likes to think she's all done (she marked the stages down in her grief journal after all) but grief isn't linear or all that rational, so it hits her hard sometimes

- I keep reading as an action close to my heart because that's a strong bond me and my mom shared. She would rec books to me, and we would joke and talk about them, or she would hint to some future event and then refuse to tell me until I caught up to that part. So Elena and Bobby do something similar in their grief. Elena has writing and words, because that's something Robert loved if I remember correctly (but if I’m not and that’s not canon, then I now declare it so) and Bobby has tennis. But besides tennis (I sent a couple anons to @freshlybakedfandoms about it but I'm not sure where she went) Bobby also was taught to play guitar by Robert (I liken it to Devi Vishwakumar and her harp) so when he misses his dad or is just sad, he'll take out his dad's old acoustic and strum

- (This next one is something I also think a lot about so this is pretty much 98% projection) Bobby thinks sometimes about the fact that he was never able to come out to his dad. He hadn't really started growing into that part of himself yet, and he never got to show it to his father. He wonders what he would have thought of him. Would he be angry? Would he dismiss him and say it was just a phase? Bobby didn't think so, but a little part of him insisted that you could never be too sure. After he comes out, Gabi and Cami assure him that Robert would've been so proud of him and would've loved him regardless (Since we know virtually nothing about him, I maintain that Robert was one of those dads who teases their kid relentlessly about their crushes and I think he would've done that with Bobby and eventually Elena)

- When Elena's quince rolls around (if she chooses to have one of course), Sam dances with her during the father-daughter dance. A part of her still hurts, still aches and wishes that Robert were dancing with her too; still knows on some fundamental level that he and Gabi had planned for this day, but he had simply never made it. But she's known Sam long enough that she feels comfortable here. Nobody can replace Robert, but Sam is her family, and it feels right like this.

- I might do some more research and deliberate, but for the moment I'm saying that Robert had cancer, I’m thinking along the lines of colon. My mom was terminal, but idk if I should make Robert terminal? Maybe towards the end. Or maybe he was diagnosed as incurable early on but Gabi kept it from the kids because, tbh, being told your parent is balancing on that kind of edge is traumatic for them. So anyways, I’m going on that assumption for this last point, and I’ll see if I can recover some of my old knowledge and talk about technical stuff later if anybody would like to hear it

- Elena and Bobby were both pretty young. Bobby understood about PET scans and tests somewhat, and knew generally what different answers from doctors meant. Elena mainly just understood what was happening by reading her parents' and brother's expressions when getting lab results in from the doctor. They both remember on some level what it was like when Gabi would leave the kids with Cami and take Robert out to the car (later she would have to help him) and they would all feel like they were holding their breath until they got back and confirmed that everything was ok (and later, the little shocks of fear when the answers were no longer as positive and there was more apprehension and risks. After all, cancer doesn’t deal in absolutes)

- Bobby can still remember Robert when he had to stop walking around a lot. He still remembers the phone call that Cami got from his mom, saying that something had gone wrong, and if this last treatment didn’t work, he wouldn’t have much time before he passed. Still remembers Cami rushing into a room when she got that call, and trying to hide what was happening until Gabi could get home and explain it; but Bobby was a sharp kid believe it or not. He heard about the treatment, heard Cami crying. He still had hope... but when Robert came home in a gurney, when he could barely stay awake sometimes, when his voice was quiet and his skin was a little jaundiced, Bobby felt incredibly empty. But Robert always had a smile for his wife and his beautiful kids, even if it was small and very tired, his eyes still crinkled the same. He always had a smile; right up until they had to say goodnight and get some sleep one night. And then... he passed.

- After he passed, the Cañero-Reeds needed help, and a lot of Gabi’s coworkers would bring food or materials if they were running low. Cami and Danielle would babysit and would distract the kids when Gabi needed a good cry.

- Like you’d imagine, and because of what is sort of implied in canon and in my own head, the kids dealt with it in different ways. Bobby put up that sign, and withdrew. He wasn’t awful, but his patience with certain people got a bit shorter and he was a bit quieter. And he was a really good helper when he had the energy and he cared deeply, but he would sometimes get physically and emotionally exhausted after helping Gabi/Elena/Cami/anybody else with something and would go into his room or mentally tap out to recharge. He took comfort in things that seemed natural and that he sometimes took for granted before, like video games and skateboarding (hehe bobby skateboards. Anybody second me on this?) and clothes etc... and other stuff. A lot of materialistic things or experiences that he would skip out on before. But they bring normalcy back to his life now so he loves them for that.

- Bobby doesn’t wanna think about big themes or anything anymore, which I can’t remember but I think it was Vi (freshlybakedfandoms, again, idk where she is and I hope she’s ok) who said he was a math and science person and I think that as much as that could transfer over to those subjects as well, it’s much harder to avoid existential and emotional themes in English and History class and Bobby doesn’t like it as much as Elena does for that reason. He had to live with the back and forth of his dad’s treatments and tests, so math and science is comforting because it’s more concrete (There could be a million arguments for why he would distrust math and science because of his dad’s passing though, I realize) Ultimately, though, it reminds him of Robert too much.

- On the other hand, after a period of shock and confusion, Elena threw herself into new things. First it was a grief journal, to make sure she was going through the motions. Then she read a lot, and when she felt too alone or like she wasn’t doing enough, like she was stagnant, she’d just find something to focus and persevere on again. That feels like her personality type to me; something is wrong so let’s fix it right away. But that could also transfer sort of negatively into “Something feels off or I’m very sad, let’s get this thing done and be productive so we can put off having to confront that but at least we get work out of it” but I could be entirely wrong (this is based off some of my family members and how they dealt with the loss.) And Elena throws herself into history and english because her dad loved it, and she wants to remember more of him. Because she believes words have power and history is a lesson and that’s incredibly interesting for her

#bear talks #doafp #robert cañero reed #bobby cañero reed #gabi cañero reed #elena cañero reed #camila doafp #sam faber #fun times #sorry?#I can write a cute fluffy fic to make up for it #i cri #also sorry if I made these a bit too much about bobby #I just relate to him as the older sibling #I added some more so if it got out of hand I’m sorry #tell me and I can make it neater #my meticulousness might just make myself do that on my own tho

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jpegjade · 4 years ago

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Baby Delivery Day! - Spencer

WELCOME TO DAD!SPENCER TIME!

Thank you to the anon who made me think about Spencer being a dad! But I’ve decided that any time I think about Spencer being a father, I’m going to write about it. I guess you could call that a series? Idk man. It’ll be sporadic though so there’s no schedule for it. So this won’t be the last of dad!Spencer

Warnings: Swearing. Lots and lots of swearing in the beginning. Also fluff. Lots and lots of cuddly fluff and happy dad!Spencer.

_________

Twins. Twins. Twins. Spencer kept saying it to himself but it never registered. Twins… “Oh fuck, I’m having twins.”

“Last time I checked, you weren’t carrying two extra people inside of you so shut the fuck up.” You said, gripping his hand hard. It was baby day and all you could do was yell at him because you were in pain. He wasn’t phased by it because each time you said something, you immediately followed it up with, “Oh god I’m so sorry baby. I promise I’m not doing it on purpose.” And that was immediately followed by more groaning in pain.

“Okay, breathe. Your contractions are getting close enough to get an epidural, which will significantly help. Just don’t think about the statistical probability of significant nerve damage with the injection of the-”

“Spencer goddamn Reid, I swear to god. This isn’t the time to be fucking smart, you smartass.” You said. “Oh fuck, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

He kissed your hand, staying by your side. The nurse came in to check on your vitals and see how you were feeling. She stayed for a moment, looking over at Spencer’s eager face. Of course, he was eager. He was going to be a dad. He couldn’t stop smiling, which pissed you off because you were in the worst pain of your life. He finally got to fulfill his dream of being a father to his own kids. Not a godfather, not an unrelated uncle, a dad.

For months, the two of you had been talking about having a kid. A single kid. One. Uno. But when you got to the ultrasound that day, you found out you were having two and you passed out. He had never been so scared for your health and excited for kids. When you came to, he wouldn’t stop talking about how there were two little Reids waiting to come into his life, waiting to change his life forever.

“Baby, please climb in with me. It hurts so badly.” You said, trying to stay calm. Unlike Spencer, you were scared out of your mind. You didn’t know how to interact with kids, let alone raise them, and now you were terrified that you were going to fuck them up from birth.

Spencer climbed in the hospital bed, although half of him was barely on it. It was so small for 4 people to lay in. Four people, thought Spencer. He put his arm around your shoulders and pulled you into him.

“In a couple hours, we’re going to be parents…” He said, almost to himself. It was quiet in the room when you weren’t groaning in pain from a contraction. He put on classical music on his phone and put it next to your stomach.

“Spencer if you don’t turn that shit off, I will kick you out of the room and deliver these demons on my own.” You threatened him. Classical music always made them move around and the last thing you wanted was for the little ones to move anywhere.

“Okay, sorry.” He grinned, kissing the top of your head. You fell into another silence, interrupted by screaming.

“Go. Get. The. Nurse.” You said through gritted teeth. Spencer slid his arm from behind you and almost ran into the door with excitement. It was finally time to get these babies out into the world, literally.

Spencer was supportive through the whole process. Hours of pushing and a scare later, you had two beautiful girls. The genders were a surprise until this moment, when you held the second born in your arms. She almost didn’t make it due to a complication but the doctors were amazing at figuring it out.

“Oh my god…” Spencer said, holding his older daughter in his arms. “Baby, you did it…” He whispered. He was so scared of waking them up that he refused to speak louder than a whisper. As the two of you laid in the hospital bed together, holding your daughters, you couldn’t help but get choked up.

“Spence… What did we do?” You said, a mix of emotions finally showing themselves. You didn’t know what you were feeling but you knew it was a mix of things rushing at you all at once, not all of them good.

The nurse came in exactly when Spencer was about to answer. She came to get the girls so they could be placed with the rest of the babies for a little while. He was disappointed but excited because that meant he could show the team his daughters as they slept in their small beds.

“We created a miracle.” He said, taking you in his arms. He was so happy that the pregnancy stage was over. You were much nicer when you weren’t in extreme amounts of pain. But he was really glad it was over because he missed being close to you. When you were carrying the girls, you seemed so far away. Now, he could hold you close like before.

“What if I fuck them up? What if I passed something down? What if…” You trailed off, not able to look at him.

“Hmm?” He said, curious about what you had to say next. He had something prepared already but he waited for you to finish first.

“What if I’m bad at this? I know you’ll be an amazing dad but… What if I’m not good enough?” You finally looked up at him to see his face relaxed as if the idea didn’t phase him. Probably because it didn’t. There was something annoying but comforting in the fact that he wasn’t bothered by your worries.

“Right now, the only way you could fail is by forgetting I’m right here with you. Who knows what kind of parents we’re going to be. My dad walked out on us. I had to take care of my mom, even now. Your parents fell out of love with each other and you suffered because of it. We weren’t led by prime examples in our lives so our parental compass isn’t great. But we know what not to do. We know the effects of negative reinforcement and we have the chance to make things right by taking it one step at a time. So that’s what we’re going to do. Take it one day at a time.” He said, never breaking eye contact with you.

“Okay.” Was all you could say before he brought you in for a sweet kiss.

“Hey y/n?” He said, an eager look on his face. “Can I show the team the girls?”

“Only if someone stays with me while you’re gone. I like Penelope. She’s adorable and I think she loves me.” You said, watching Spencer slow roll off the bed. You groaned because you were still sore from hurling two beautiful angels from your body.

“I’ll go get her.” Spencer kissed you one more time, a longer kiss, before he nearly skipped out of the room.

You couldn’t help but smile to yourself. Yawning, you didn’t realize how tired you really were. You closed your eyes for just a couple seconds. Penelope walked in to find you sleeping soundly so she sat in the chair next to your bed and started building a castle out of all the jello she requested from the Nurses’ Station. She also added some of your favorite show’s mini figurines.

Meanwhile, Spencer was hugging everyone else in the waiting room. They all congratulated him, so excited that they got to see the two newest additions to his family.

“There they are, the ones without names.” He said, pointing to the two beds pushed next to each other. The other beds had some space between them but it was like the nurses knew these two had a little bit more of a bond with each other.

“Pretty boy has twins!” Morgan said, slapping him on the shoulder.

Spencer had kept so much of the pregnancy a secret because everything was touch and go for a while. Once he was sure everything was permanent, he was able to tell them things. He kept this part a secret the whole time though because it seemed like a great surprise.

“I’m proud of you, Spence,” JJ said, hugging Spencer again. She had been detrimental in keeping you and Spencer sane during this whole process.

Hotch shed a tear. An actual tear and a smile. He knew how long and hard Spencer had fought to keep his hope in love and the world alive and now, Spencer looked like he was glowing like never before.

For the next 20 minutes, everyone was gathered in the hallway as they watched the girls sleep and turn over. The older daughter smiled in her sleep and Spencer almost broke down. When it was time to feed them, they all said goodbye to Spencer and he returned to your room.

Walking in, the girls were already there but you were curled up and gently snoring. One of the beds was empty but when he looked at Penelope, tears were running down her face as she smiled. Out of everyone, she was the most excited about the two of you having kids.

“We were supposed to ask together but I guess I’ll have to do it alone,” Spencer said, picking up the younger born. The way he could tell them apart was a little black freckle that the younger one had on her left cheek while the older daughter had it on her nose, like a piercing.

“Are you about to ask me to be the godmother? Because I will start sobbing.” Penelope said. Her eyes twinkled with more than tears.

“I was but if you’re going to cry then I’ll wait until a more appropriate time than when you’re holding the second light of my life.” He said, looking down at his daughter.

“Yes, yes, yes.” She said, smiling. “Who’s my baby daddy?” She said, just curious about the godfather.

“Morgan.” Spencer said, his daughter’s tiny hand grabbing onto his finger. He was open and closing her tiny hand because he was just fascinated and she grabbed on and wouldn’t let go. Slowly she opened her eyes and he smiled at her.

“Oh so my baby daddy is my babies’ daddy.” Penelope said, in a complete joke.

“Penelope, meet Alexandria Maeve Reid.” You said, barely opening your eyes.

Spencer’s breath hitched in his throat. “What?” He was barely able to get out.

You and Spencer had played around with names before but he never told you about the middle name thing. Fresh tears came to his eyes at the thought of it.

“And Spencer has Chloe Gideon Reid.” You were more exhausted than ever. “I thought about it and Spencer left the options up to me so I just went with it. I hope that’s okay, baby.”

You barely had the strength to stay awake any longer so you went back to sleep as soon as Spencer climbed into bed with you, Chloe in his arms.

“Hi Chloe…” He said. Almost on queue, she opened her eyes and stared at him with a little smile spreading on her face before she closed her eyes again. He looked over at Alexandria, who was opening and closing her hands. “Hi baby Alexandria…” He whispered.

__________

Dad!Spencer makes me so angry at CM bc he would be the best dad.

Tags:

@winchestertardis

@ancailinaerach

#spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer x reader

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purplesurveys · 3 years ago

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1275

When you were younger, did your mother or father ever let you open a few presents before Christmas or your birthday even arrived? We open all our presents the night of Christmas Eve to begin with; but no, they don’t tease by letting us open a few of them before our usual schedule.

If you could receive a 100 dollar gift card for either blouses, pants, dresses, shoes or purses, which would you chose? If I could change blouses to shirts, then I would go with that because I’ve recently gotten into t-shirts and sweatshirts and no longer the trendy and preppy tops I used to like haha. But if not, I would go for shoes.

What is your favorite thing to do after crying? Ex: Sleep, listen to music, have some alone time, talk to someone, etc? It varies as it depends on how much I cried. The harder I cried the more I’d want to sleep it off, because it can actually get pretty exhausting. Sometimes I’ll reach out, sometimes I write. It’s really different every time, but at the end I’m just glad I can no longer even remember the last time I cried out of sadness.

Do you think Trump will be assassinated, or will he survive his term? Well we know the answer to this. It’s satisfying to notice him disappear off the face of the Earth immediately after his term, though. I don’t have a clue what he’s up to now.

Last time you felt suicidal? For some reason I felt down last Thursday and I felt the slightest, slightest tinge of suicidal thoughts. No idea where it came from.

Last time you had butterflies? Ugh idk but it was probably BTS-related hahahahahahah

Biggest asshole you know? Certain politicians.

Did you ever leave someone because you know you’d hurt them? No, I was on the opposite side of the coin for this one. I was broken up with because they believed they would hurt me, if not already doing so.

What song did you last listen to? Hip Hop Phile by BTS.

Ever ridden in a police car? Nopes.

Ever witnessed a murder? Hmm, not that I can recall. I do remember having to monitor crime stories for one of my very first journalism assignments and the one time I didn’t tag along to the fieldwork with my classmates, they got to witness a stabbing incident :/ By itself of course it always sucks to have violent situations like those, but as a reporter it would’ve been interesting to see the scene and its aftermath.

Have you ever lied under oath? I don’t think so, no. I can’t even remember the last time I was put under oath.

Have you ever failed a subject before? I’ve failed exams but never an entire class.

Have you ever had a deadly animal as a pet? No.

Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender? Well yeah, I dated one.

Have you ever been in a hot tub before? Sure.

Have you ever been to a movie that sold out? I’ve never experienced trying to buy tickets only to find out they’re all sold out, but that’s also probably because we have hundreds of malls in Manila alone and you can always find a theatre that are still offering tickets.

What movie last made you too scared to go to sleep? I’m not usually that way with horror movies, but I do remember running into a jumpscare on TikTok while I was scrolling at 3 AM. Not fun.

When you’re on a laptop, do you hook up a mouse or use the touchpad? Touchpad. I never use a mouse.

What’s your mom’s mom’s name? Agnes.

Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the person you like? I’m not interested in anyone so this shouldn’t be a problem.

Have you ever been tempted to steal? Sure, but the urge is never so strong.

What is the main character’s name in the book you’re reading? I’m not reading anything.

Do you have a favorite local band? Who are they? Nah. I did have a Ben&Ben phase, though I haven’t revisited their music in a long time.

Who’s the last person you saw naked, aside from yourself? I’m not sure about completely naked, probably still my ex. As for partially naked, my dad sometimes goes shirtless at home as most Filipino dads do lol.

Who’s your favorite horror monster/killer? The most iconic for me would be that porcupine looking ass from Resident Evil 4, I believe it was meant to be for one of the boss stages or something. Anyway, it’s memorable for me just because that fucker had been impossible to defeat and I loved watching my older cousin do attempt after attempt. I don’t think he ever got to beat him and by the time he did us cousins were already adults, lol.

On a side note, we called him ‘Porcupine’ as kids since a shitload of spikes would stick out of him unpredictably during the boss stage, and I thought that nickname had been just our thing; but I’m actually surprised that that villain actually comes up when you do a simple ‘Resident Evil 4 porcupine’ search haha. I guess other people called him the same thing too.

What kind of music do you prefer to listen to when driving? I usually put on a playlist of BTS’ rapline; I tend to enjoy high-energy songs while driving.

Would you ever own a hairless rat, cat or dog? I don’t see why I wouldn’t when it comes to the dog. I don’t want a cat or rat.

All the people you’ve kissed, what did their names start with? G.

What did you and your ex fight about most? It was about the deeper, more profound stuff. We never saw eye to eye about the future, if we were helping the other grow, etc. Someone was always scared or insecure about something that the other could never help with fixing.

Don’t you love long hugs? Sure, I love getting hugs as long as I’m comfy around the one giving it.

And long kisses? Mhm, they’re nice.

Have you ever purchased condoms? Only for Angela when she had still been too shy to ask for it herself.

Have you ever gone on vacation with your boyfriend/girlfriend? No. We had gone out of town for daytrips, but never for a fully-decked out vacation.

Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument? I wouldn’t do anything that loud. My resentment’s a lot more reserved and subtle, definitely on the passive-aggressive side.

Would you leave a note on a car claiming responsibility if you damaged it? If I left like a paint scratch, no. If I was somehow stupid enough to manage wrecking the car then yes.

Have you ever used someone's handicapped parking pass to get a parking spot? Oh that’s just gross. No. I do remember unknowingly parking over a spot meant for the handicapped once just because the paint was so fucking faded. It was genuinely so hard to tell but in the end I ended up just getting out of the spot and looked for another just to be on the safe, unassholey side.

Are you embarrassed to tell people your job? Not at all! I love telling people I work in PR and sharing the brands I work with...it’s just a bitch trying to explain what exactly it is I do on a normal day. I’m still blanking out on it now that I’m thinking about it, haha. PR’s a challenge to summarize in one or two sentences.

If you ran over an animal would you keep driving? I honestly have no clue how I’d deal with it. Ideally I would pull over and help bring it to the side of the road, and try to ask for help from passersby as well. I’m still not sure what I should/would do next.

Where’s the best place to eat a romantic dinner? French, Spanish, and Italian restaurants always seem to carry a pleasant, date-y atmosphere to them, so any of those cuisines should be ok. I also like quieter restaurants with warm yellow lighting, since that makes me feel at home the most. The place definitely doesn't have to be super popular; I would just want for it to serve good food.

What hobby would you get into if time and money weren’t an issue? Flying planes.

What would be the most amazing adventure to go on? Probably something that’s booked with thrill-seeking adventures? Like a day of wakeboarding, paragliding, skydiving, riding an ATV...I would be exhausted as fuck and sleep for the next three days, but I can’t even begin to imagine how fun it would be.

When people come to you for help, what do they usually want help with? Writing stuff. < Yeah, essentially. My friends ask me for general life advice too.

Has anybody criticized the way your significant other looked like? Yeah. But I always defended her.

Have you written or drawn anything for somebody else? I mean I’ve written long letters, but I haven’t made a poem or song for anyone.

Who has impressed you most with what they’ve accomplished? These days it would probably be Arlan. He just finished his Masters in Journalism at Columbia and I couldn’t be more proud. I remember wanting to attend Columbia too, but seeing how my love of journalism turned out...I’ve long accepted the fact that that route was not meant for me, hahaha.

What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives? Finish a painting, which can also serve as a callout to me lol.

What would you rate 10/10? Seafood.

What do you hope never changes? My relationships with my best friends.

Would you ever have sex with the last person you texted? No, I barely have a clue who she is and she seemed decades older when she called me up this morning.

Is there anyone that you’d love to just spill your guts to? I’m good.

Where is the person you have feelings at right now?

Are you happy with your relationship status? Yessssssss. I love not having to worry about another person to spend on LOL

When did you last cry? What for? Two Saturdays ago. The one-year mark of my breakup had been coming up and an overwhelming wave of emotions just flooded me all of a sudden, I guess. There was happiness and relief from not being stuck in it anymore; feeling sorry for myself as I remembered the turmoil and deterioration I went through in the latter part the year; anger for the shit she pulled; and there was also just the general feeling of being grateful that I’m still here after everything.

Do you think you’re wasting your time on the person you love?

When’s the next time you’ll kiss someone? No clue. I’m not holding my breath for it and that’s okay.

Were you ever scared to death of anyone you knew? Or are you currently? Yeah, unfortunately I’ve always been surrounded by at least one person who terrifies me.

What’s the longest you’ve been away from home by yourself? Nothing more than a day. That’s something I have yet to try out.

Have you ever been made fun of, because of what you look like? Athenna was relentless in her insults. I dunno why I was friends her for as long as I was.

Have you ever made fun of others, because of what they look like? If they’re some random person on the internet with disgusting political views, then yeah; but it’s just thoughts I keep in my head and I never verbalized the bullying. But not anyone in real life. Do you think it’s cute when you’re leaving a place, and a guy says “no hug?” If I’m friends with the person I’ll banter with them for a bit until I give in for a hug. If it was any other guy I barely know...I would be disgusted and throw them the dirtiest glare.

Do you wear short shorts (if you’re a girl)? I didn't know short shorts were specific to females. < LOL same. Anyway no, not these days. I used to but they’re not really a part of my personal style anymore.

Who are you the most uncomfortable around? Relatives with the wrong political views.

Who has your heart? Nobody.

Should cloning ever be allowed to happen? I don’t see the point. No.

Are you impatient with really shy people? If it gets to the point that they seem aloof and radiate very I-could-not-care-less-about-getting-along-with-any-of-you vibes, then yeah I feel like I would get irritated pretty fast. But I was an extremely shy person once too, so I’m typically friendly with them and I would usually be That person who constantly stays next to them so they feel like they belong.

Does your house have air conditioning throughout, or do you have one that sits in your window? It sits in the window, as with most households here.

What is the most ridiculous band name you’ve heard recently? I haven’t encountered anything wacky recently.

Would you ever get a fashion mullet? No.

Do you believe that Jesus lived and is returning? No.

Do you believe in spiritual gifts? No.

Do you believe in callings? Not really, no.

If you were rich, would you get a professional photoshoot done? Hell no. I get extremely sheepish in front of a camera and a thousand times worse at posing.

#survey #surveys

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couldbeasong · 4 years ago

Note

1-60 for the ask meme

Ope sorry I did not see this until today. I think I know the one? If it’s not the one you meant just lmk lol

1. Selfie?

You can have this picrew but I wish to be unperceived.

2. What would you name your future kids?

For female names I like: Harmony, Slyvia, Edelweiss, Bethany, and Opal

For male names I like: Uriah, Aiden, Kai, Levi, and Luke

3. Do you miss anyone?

My grandpa and Midnight (old dog)

4. What are you looking forward to?

Going on vacation in a few weeks, the end of the semester, and seeing @calligraphywitch tomorrow

5. Is there anyone who can always make you smile?

@calligraphywitch and my other girlfriend. They’re hilarious lmao

6. Is it hard for you to get over someone?

Romantically? Not really. You kinda gotta just accept it and move on. In the past, always being like: this will never work because of reason xyz helps.

Friendship wise? Absolutely. It depends a lot on the emotional investment I put into the relationship, but I find myself still missing people I haven’t talked to since High School or Middle School.

7. What was your life like last year?

It was weird being a freshman in college and trying to survive. I had a lot of family problems going on along with one of my best friends from High School being on her death bed for a while. A bit of a crisis of faith as well. But we survived, God willing! I miss pre-pandemic times tho

8. Have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

Ask my brother. I’m sure there’s been an instance.

9. Who did you last see in person?

My grandma across the room from me!

10. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

I hide them so well I can’t even find them!

I like to pretend they aren’t there and repress them a lot but idk if I’m good at hiding them from others per say.

11. Are you listening to music right now?

I’m in a zoom meeting for class, so I guess my professor's voice?

12. What is something you want right now?

Freedom

13. How do you feel right now?

Kinda tired, kinda nauseous, kinda bored. Idk I probably need to drink some water.

14. When was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

Uhhhh idk about a week ago? My last hug was probably a week ago too XD

15. Personality description

I like to think I’m funny

16. Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

I work in customer service- everyday (:

17. Opinion on insecurities.

Everyone is insecure about something. It’s kinda fascinating how even though all of humanity is exactly the same (in terms of our struggles and insecurities, we don’t vary) we still judge others for having them. Confidence is seen as a virtue and the most attainable goal. Society profits off of your insecurities tho so be aware of what they are and don’t let yourself be scammed.

18. Do you miss how things were a year ago?

Certain aspects perhaps. But 2019 is gone. It performed and then it left. It can’t hurt us or help us anymore. There’s little use in dwelling on that and wishing for 2020 to be 2019.

19. Have you ever been to New York?

No, but I swear Ima go one day and see a show on Broadway.

20. What is your favorite song at the moment?

I have like three I’m cycling between rn

When You’re Home from In the Heights

Wake Up by Jenny Owen Youngs

Together by For King and Country

21. Age and birthday?

Old enough to know better and October

22. Description of crush.

He’s super great and super intelligent, not to mention super in love with God. Frankly, he deserves better than me. I gotta lot of self-improvement that needs to happen, but we’ll see what happens XD

23. Fear(s)

Heights, drowning, spiders, super dark streets and rooms, not being good enough

24. Height

5′5″ respectfully

25. Role model

It’s changed through the various stages of my life. Rn tho a few of my Christian online friends

26. Idol(s)

I mean I stan Brian David Gilbert, but I don’t idolize him lol

27. Things I hate

Cheesecake, sickly sweet stuff, when someone grabs the receipt out of the printer even though it’s way more effort for them to do so than for me just to hand it to them and it throws me off of my rhythm, fudge

28. I’ll love you if…

You exist (and even not then because fictional characters just hit different lol)

29. Favorite film(s)

Tangled, Ella Enchanted, Enchanted, Howls Moving Castle, Princess, and the Pauper

30. Favorite tv show(s)

Brooklynn 99, Parks and Recreation, Ouran High School Host Club, My Hero Academia, and Bojack Horseman (I’m going through a phase with it rn lol)

31. 3 random facts

Blue is my favorite color, I own almost nothing in blue, people are better at identifying members of their own race better than members of other races.

32. Are your friends mainly girls or guys?

Girls- they’re easier to talk to and approach. Tho I stan and love my guy friends. They are kings.

33. Something you want to learn

Everything? Idk I have an insatiable desire to learn and it switches. Consistently, I want to learn how to make my own clothes, play either piano, guitar, or violin, and detail cars.

34. Most embarrassing moment

Uggg I’m not talking about it and neither is @calligraphywitch

35. Favorite subject

I really enjoyed Statistics as much as I have hated it. My all-time favorite class I have ever taken tho was AP US Literature

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

Graduate grad school, get married, travel overseas

37. Favorite actor/actress

uhhh probably Chris Pratt or anyone who was on Parks and Recreation. Tho Broadway actors, I love Christian Borle

38. Favorite comedian(s)

John Mulaney

39. Favorite sport(s)

I miss playing softball and volleyball so prolly those

40. Favorite memory

There are too many to count. But usually, involve good conversations under the stars after 2 AM.

41. Relationship status

Have a picrew of my sister and me. Keep scrolling and mind ya business (jk ily anon)

42. Favorite book(s)

The Bible lol but fictional book wise, I will always love the Warrior Cats series. Red Queen was pretty lit. The Hourglass Door gave me a love for time travel aus lol. And Library Wars is near and dear to my heart.

43. Favorite song ever

You can’t ask me thisssss

Idk Hope is what we crave by For King and Country

44. Age you get mistaken for

24-30 it depends on the context

45. How you found out about your idol

@calligraphywitch

46. What my last text message says

No xD not disney

47. Turn-ons

When you have a musical playing and the end of one song is the start of another so they bleed into each other. CHILLS or when a line of poetry just expresses how someone feels. OR when different parts harmonize just right

48. Turn-offs

When my computer deletes my homework right before it’s done

49. Where I want to be right now

In a little cabin in the woods

50. Favorite picture of your idol

51. Starsign

Scorpio

52. Something I’m talented at

Reading peoples emotions

53. 5 things that make me happy

Music, Friends, Deep Conversations, Hugs, and God

54. Something that's worrying me at the moment

So much to do so much to see

55. Tumblr friends

Friends and mutuals include:

@calligraphywitch @an-assortment-of-forks @repentance-brings-healing @synthetic-blanket-hairs @loneallegiance @boywiththewand @knightof-cups @a-lil-strawberry @linkedwolf @indygo @obnoxioushair

There’s plenty more than that and I love you all ^^

56. Favorite food(s)

Tacos, Crab Ragoons, Salty Foods, RICE

57. Favorite animal(s)

Wolves and cats

58. Description of my best friend

Artistic, beautiful, supportive, hardworking. She is hilarious and an amazing person. There’s so much to the many reasons I love her I just can’t do it in words

59. Why I joined tumblr

Back in the 7th grade, my friends all had one and helped set me up with one. And that’s that.

60. Ask me anything you want

You want nothing ig lol if you want to submit one I can answer it still

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

Text

Survey #314

“as above, so below / what you reap is what you sow / what you give comes back threefold / as above, so below”

What do you do for work? I'm currently unemployed. I only get paid now and again to do pictures for people. What would you ideally like to do for work? I'd love if I could just be a photographer. What are you doing in order to achieve this? Practice and shoving my extreme discomfort about it aside and trying to promote myself where possible and not in an overbearing manner. What do you think is the worst being on the planet? "Rapists, pedophiles, abusive people in general." <<<< This. Anyone who disrespects the existence of other and equal people. Have you ever been arrested? If so, what for? No. How big an age gap is between you and your siblings? My immediate sisters and I are two years apart. My half-siblings, I don't know. I don't have their ages memorized, but I do know 5+ years, some even 10. Do/did your siblings cause trouble? Not really, we were good kids. What's your dream vehicle? I don't really have one. Are you good at taking care of your finances? What finances? And I don't mean that happily. What's your favorite comic strip? I don't have one. How many people have you texted today? Zero. Someone cheats. Second chance? Nope, byyyyeeeee. Thoughts on kids? Clay that I'm not playing with. Are you a risk taker? No. What are you listening to? I'm currently going through a phase of playing The Evil Within 2's theme nonstop, jc. Is/Was your high schools dress code strict? Not like, mega strict, but it still was overboard. No spaghetti strap shirts, and I even once got in trouble for wearing a floral mesh shirt, despite having a normal tanktop underneath it. It was weird, like no one had ever had a problem with it before, it was just this one teacher that I passed in the hall. Who was the last person to request you on a social media network - and did you accept? Someone I didn't know, so obviously not. Who was the last person’s vehicle that you rode in? Mom's. Who was the last person to make you laugh or smile, and why? Another current obsession of mine: John Wolfe, another let's player who I think is super funny. He said something that made me snicker before I turned on music and started this. Who was the last person that you took a photo with? My half-sister while she was visiting. Who was the last person to pay you a compliment, and what did they say? In group therapy the other day, one of the other women told me that even if I don't believe it, I bring so much positivity to group and she was really happy to be there while I am. I was so so super flustered but flattered, too. Who’s the last person that you visited in the hospital? My mom, following her surgery. Who is the last person that you lent money to? Actually today to Mom. What was the last food that you ate? I warmed up a burger for dinner. What did the last pair of footwear that you wore look like? They're just black flipflops. What was the last kind of bread that you ate? Just plain white bread. What was the last app that you downloaded to your phone? Oh wow, I never do this. I want to say it was a game for my niece. When was your last work shift? I haven't worked in a long time, so idk. When is the last time that you had trouble falling asleep? This is literally every single night. When was the last time you saw a significant other? I ain't got one'a those. When’s the last time that you took a risk? What was the risk? Well, I did say I'm not a risk-taker... Where was the last place that you went on vacation to? You know, how long does it have to be to be considered a "vacation?" I would say not since I went to the beach with an old friend, but it was literally a day. Where was the last place you got lost? uhhhhhhh Why did your last relationship fail? We need to work on ourselves before we could properly support each other and stay in a healthy mindset. Why did you leave your last job? I couldn't handle the stress of serving people and having so many responsibilities at once. How long has it been since you last visited a doctor? How about a dentist? I literally went to the doctor today because I had a follow-up appointment about my weight gain again. I haven't been to the dentist in a few months; I had a normal cleaning my last visit. How big was the last fish you caught? Oh boy, this is stretching years back. It was probably something small, idr at all. Give me the first initial of your last name? D. Something in your home that’s on its last leg(s)? We just moved here, so nothing that's a part of the house itself. As far as items we actually own, idk. Where do you purchase most of your clothes? I haven't gotten new clothes in so long, idk. I would probably say Hot Topic. Describe your skincare routine. I don't have one, if I'm being honest. I just shower. What’s your typical morning routine look like? I don't have one of those, either. The only thing that's consistent is going to the bathroom, eating, and taking my meds. Even brushing my teeth, the time of day when I do that (if I'm not leaving the house) varies. Then it's time to just binge stuff on YouTube and do whatever on the laptop... Are you still playing Animal Crossing? I've never played it, actually. How has the pandemic specifically affected you? It's caused a lot of stress worrying about my mom falling ill, given her being immunocompromised. It's also held me back from searching for another job (even though I don't know what I'd go for, anyway...), because I absolutely refuse to risk bringing Covid into this house by leaving it daily or whatever. What is your main source of anxiety? Being mentally ill, really. It just affects a lot. Any bands or artists you’ve recently discovered? Not very recently, no. What kind of games do you play on your phone? Just Pokemon GO nowadays. Do you have a specific aesthetic? It varies. I love dark, gothic, and gory stuff, but then I also love everything pink and pastel?????? Pastel gore is especially where it's at. Describe the moment you realized you were falling in love with someone. I'd rather not. What’s your favorite sparkling water brand/flavor? I've never even tried it before. What’s your favorite makeup brand/brands? I don't wear nearly enough makeup to be even remotely familiar with any. What’s your all-time favorite movie? It'll probably always be The Lion King. Do you have any subscription boxes? No, but they're cool. What fictional creature would you like as a pet? On deviantART today I actually discovered a fantastic artist who does a lot of HTTYD fanart, and I would say as a dragon lover, Toothless would be soooo great. Have any local businesses closed that you’re sad about? I'm certain tons have closed, but none come to mind. How do you feel about TikTok? I don't feel anything about it. Did you/do you still have a Neopets account? Haha I've had like... two or three at different stages in my life. What were you doing at 9 o'clock this morning? That's actually when (virtual) group therapy starts. Are you wearing any jewelry? Yeah; my piercings (if you count them) and then two rings that I always have on. Are you good at hiding disappointment? No. I'm bad at hiding my emotions because they're so strong. What happened the last time you cried? lmaooo I was finishing watching a The Evil Within 2 LP yesterday, and like, the last hour or so of the game just rips me apart. I was hoping so bad that my mom didn't pass by and ask what the problem was. What would your parents be surprised to learn about you? Both would be stunned to know the situation I had with Joel/my former best friend's boyfriend when I was around 12. What fictional character do you have the biggest crush on? dARKIPLIER Where would you live if you could live anywhere in the world? When all things are considered, like laws, seeing family, etc., somewhere in Canada, or maybe Alaska. Actually, Alaska would be really cool. What after school activities did you do in high school? I didn't have any, if you mean like, school sports and clubs. I did do dance once or twice a week, but it wasn't tied to my school. What’s the last book you really loved? I positively adored The Handmaid's Tale. If you could have been a child prodigy what would you have wanted to be skilled at? My writing was seen as very exceptional for my age as a kid, but it still would've been awesome if it was even better. If earth could only have one condiment for the rest of time, what would you pick to keep around? Uhhh I guess ketchup. I use that the most of all options. What is the scariest experience you have ever had? The night of the breakup. It was such an impossible concept to me that I genuinely thought my life was over, that I'd pull the plug at any moment. Who is a non-politician you wish would run for office? Oh, hunny, Markiplier lmao. Call it a bias all ya want, but he's just a genuinely incredible person that cares so much for everyone and is so serious about equality and just being a good person. Do you think it’s important to stay up to date with the news? It's very hypocritical of me to say, but yes, regardless. Do you own plants? If so, what kind of plants? If not, would you like to grow any? I've never been into growing plants, honestly. Is there a city that you have a particular fondness for? If so, what city is it and why? No, not really. When was the last time that you acted impulsively? Is this a common behavior for you? I dunno, I've gotten better at this. I probably said something I shouldn't have. If you received an allowance as a kid, what kinds of things would you buy with it? Were you more the type to save up for something big, or spend it on little things? I didn't get one. When you cuddle with someone, how do you prefer to position yourself? Would you rather be held, or do the holding? Or both? Are we sitting or lying down? Either way I think I have a tendency to lay my head on their chest while hugging them, and my legs generally curl up. If I'm upset, I definitely feel better and just a greater sense of safety if I'm the one being held, but if the roles are swapped, then I like to be the one doing the holding because I know that's what I want when I'm upset, so treat others how you wanna be treated, y'know. When you woke up today, did you find unread messages from anyone? No. Have you recently told anyone that you miss them? Yes. Can you recall the last time you turned down an offer, of any kind? Mom asked if I wanted to come with her to Ashley's a few days ago, but I said no. I wasn't in a social mood at all. Is there anyone you interact with every day on social media? No. What was the main character's name in the last fictional book you read? Sunny. Have you ever been rejected by a church? No. Is your family nice to you? Yeah. Are you comfortable with your gender? Yeah. What was your favorite Mary-Kate and Ashley film? I don't remember; we had a couple, though. What was your favorite book you had to read for school? The Outsiders. What was your favorite Nickelodeon show? ngl, I don't remember a lot of them and don't feel like looking up a list. Do you still live in the house you grew up in? No. Which Spice Girl was your favorite? I don't remember their names. Do you think you look the best you've ever looked? Oh hell no. Have you been hurt by religion? Yes, honestly. In Truth or Dare, would you rather choose Truth or Dare? I always choose "truth." Have you ever had more than one crush at once? Yeah, I think that's perfectly normal to feel, even for someone monogamous like myself. Just when you establish a relationship, then it's time to make a choice. What social issue do you care about most? This is hard to say with how passionately I hold my opinions, but probably LGBTQ+ rights. It's just... so disgusting to me that I was once homophobic. It's like I want to make up for it. Just the idea of being repulsed by love just because someone has "the wrong thing" in their pants is just... appalling. When was the last time you read a Bible? Many, maaaany years ago I started reading it, but I didn't get very far at all. Do you own a Bible? I personally don't, but I know Mom has one, maybe multiple. Do you discover new music regularly? No; I very much stick to what I know. It's great when I do, though, given that that's how I find new songs to repeat to the grave. What does your first name mean? "Of Britain" or something like that. What country do you live in? U.S.A. Do you believe that gays are born that way? Uh, yes? Who honestly believes a homosexual would *choose* to be in the discriminated minority? People are murdered and abused for simply their sexuality; no sane person would "choose" to risk that torture.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''as above so below'' by in this moment

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fangsmyth · 5 years ago

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i’ve been meaning to analyze the shit out of his poem but..... i’m on break now so i have time

it’s prefaced as “ a poem written in free verse, based on something haunting me as of late reflecting on one of my most complicated and passionate past relationships ” so while i know for a fact i could derive MANY different meanings i’m focusing strictly on this intention

i’m normally really bad at analyzing poetry but..... for Him i will Try ( this is a lot of nonsense rambling please do not mind me i am a fucking idiot if anyone has any other onions i’d love to discuss! ....p-please do not steal;;; )

gaslighting and emotional abuse warning under the cut but who’s fucking surprised

What is the meaning of a memory? A question I oft ponder Intangible and untraceable by anything but the mind Yet so potent as to leaVe one sick As if poisoned or Wounded in a literal sense.

just kind of setting the stage i guess is the best way to call this part? his first fucking stanza is god damn terrible memories leave scars that no one can see i could’ve come up with this in my goth phase

And What meaning is there in regret and longing? Can my lamentations change the past? Will they moVe the future? Shall they amount to much more than What unmoors my here and noW?

p self explanatory imo? this goes into a bit of detail about how despite the relationship being over, he’s still thinking about it and he feels bad about what he did and how he treated them.

‘ Will they moVe the future? ’ implies that despite his regret, he doesn’t feel like he’ll learn from his mistakes since he’s made them so many times before. especially so with the next line ‘ Shall they amount to much more than What unmoors my here and noW? ’

he already feels insecure, and any future mistakes he makes are just going to contribute to that;;

If I restrict my World to that but Which is before my eyes To those Whom I may touch, to that Which I might alter; One Would no doubt conclude that thoughts of You are last among What I could consider to “matter”.

this a really interesting stanza, recognizing that the past and present don’t matter, much less any people in the past that hurt him. he knows he should be looking at the here and now, but he can’t help but feel anxious about what happened and what will happen in future relationships.

( also keep in mind that ‘You’ is capitalized, not as a part of lanque’s quirk despite how naturally it seems to fit with his quirk. i kind of ended up interpreting it how ‘You’ is capitalized like you would ‘God’ and ‘Lord’ implying lanque puts this person on an insanely high pedestal? )

it’s super interesting imo that he chooses to say ‘could’ instead of ‘should’, implying he sees it as an option to stop thinking about the other but not a necessity or, for that matter, the best option he has.

it implies that he recognizes that he has the option to learn from his mistakes, but........

And still You haunt me yet, like a scar, like a disease uneager to abate. Who are You and Who am I, after so long Without You?

it kind of hit me at this point that despite the fact that it was something lanque was recently thinking about, it’s... possible that it wasn’t a recent relationship. he’s clearly fully submerging himself into the role of the victim in this horrible relationship with emotional abuse to the point of forced codependence.

i’m legit having a hard time telling whether this is a matter of lanque making himself out to be the victim ( as emotional vampires often do ) or the very real possibility that he honest to god was the victim of a horrible relationship that left him..... permanently scarred to the point he feels like all relationships are just SUPPOSED to be that way

i’m gonna mainly use language that points towards the latter despite the fact that i honestly believe the more obscure and difficult to explain possibility that this is him trying to put himself in the shoes of someone he treated like garbage ( since idk i feel like he’s really good at recognizing and understanding peoples’ emotions, just not so much feeling them himself )

talking about it as if he were actually the victim just makes this a lot easier to analyze

i’m kind of...... getting ahead of myself though lemme lay down the next stanza

I knoW I don’t knoW I Won’t knoW; What do I knoW but What I knoW and What can it eVen mean to KNOW?

an allusion to gaslighting. i’m bad at writing out definitions i literally just know things my brain is huge and you’re all just jealous so to copy paste from the wikipedia google search result

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity.

i *loudly gestures* i don’t feel like i need to explain much further! going between saying he knows and doesn’t know, literally talking in circles and questioning what the concept of keeping knowledge even means!! this relationship kind of fucked him up!!!!!!

knoW, knoW; No!

kind of redundant that this line is on its own, just implies getting fed up and ready to leave?

Agh, though it so Vexes me, Though so little I Valued it When it Was before me, a thing and a You I could touch and see and knoW and hate and Wonder. (reVile/Worship).

AH HERE’S THE GOD SHIT AGAIN I KNEW IT WAS HERE SOMEWHERE!!!

lanque didn’t see this person as such a central figure when he was in the relationship, or it’s possible that he simply didn’t realize how important they were to him. their godliness implies that this person was always above him, that it was a privilege to be graced with their presence alone.

this (reVile/Worship) shit in my mind reads very similar to one of the ten commandments saying ‘we must fear and love god’ or some shit like that, but it doesn’t quite fit. it’s highly probable that it just implies that the relationship walked on a very fine tightrope between kismesis and matesprit ugh i went so long without using homestuck terms i’m sad now.... anyways this is call back to that implication of choice i was talking about earlier that’s built on more immediately

NoW it, and You, are a traceless ghost, and I preoccupy myself With nothing but futile tasks of (RE)definition and (RE)interpretation and circuitous dWellings on that Which I understand eVen less noW.

SUPER obvious but the person in the relationship is gone and lanque doesn’t know what to do without them. goes over how it’s hard for him to tell whether this is a refining of his pre-existing personality or just a brand new one all together. again, a choice as to whether or not that’s how he wants to approach it

the path to this reinvention is brought about through a bunch of rebounds and new relationships, ‘circuitous dwellings’ implying he possibly stayed in some of them for too long and he honest to god has no idea why? like he wasn’t enjoying himself, he wasn’t really being reinvented. it solidifies that it was flat out a new definition as lanque is more or less going through the motions

than in the times When my Wonderings might’Ve been so easily ansWered With a question or a bite or a kiss, or eVen a single Word, spoken honestly.

STRANGE to me how this starts as if it continues the past sentence despite the fact that it DEFINITELY ends in a period i double checked

anyways

he also finds himself having a MUCH easier time following the motions than trying to internalize and understand this relationship. ‘wonderings’ being... pretty obviously just anxiety thoughts like you know how your brain just says things that aren’t true

and figuring out if they were would’ve been easy if he just said something or did something!!

Pressed though I am to giVe color to our bond I look not to onyx nor ash but that Which pulses Within our Very Veins: that so blinding jade, hard as the stone for Which it is so named,

interesting that this sort of starts an outline towards giving the subject an actual identity?

like specifically saying “pulses within our very veins: that so blinding jade” OBVIOUSLY says that it’s another jade in the cloister that this is about?

usually i’d like to say that writers usually don’t do this without reason but despite the praises i constantly speak alone in my room about the endless array of implications in every other thing that comes out of lanque’s mouth i also know v is a fucking hack and a got damn terrible writer

some gremlin at 3am whispered in my ear in the middle of the night saying this is about a past relationship with bronya and i did have some points but bronya is too good so i’m going to tell that gremlin to go fuck himself

tWisted and pulled hammered and forged shaped, unnaturally as if a chain.

there were so many things they went through to try and get this to work, but it kind of just came up as an obviously fucked up mess. likely considering that it would’ve ended/ran its course a lot better if they didn’t even try getting together.

i wish every stanza was this simple

A stricture Within scriptures; a certain so meaningful tincture.

calling back to that whole “easily answered with a question, or a bite, or a kiss, or a single word spoken honestly” and those whole religious undertones that i keep pushing this solidifies that i’m not fucking crazy

GOD there’s so much in this little piece the very fact that his object of affection’s voice and words alone leave him feeling that he literally has no room to speak. the stricture is like a noose around his neck if he talks out of turn, hence the frustration that he knows something his wrong but he simply isn’t allowed to say something.

until he gets his hand on that ‘meaningful tincture’. alcohol gives him the courage to speak up and defy that gospel, alluding to his dependence on drugs and why they’re so important to him! it’s a lifestyle he wouldn’t give up because he’d hate to be silenced again!

Resent You though I must, EnVy You though I may,

emphasizing that shit i was talking about earlier with could vs. should, lanque feels like the right thing to do is look back at this in scorn. he should despise this person he idolized so much and envy how easy it was for them to lock him in such a vulnerable position for so long yet here he is..... thinking about them again

NoW leagues and leagues stretch betWeen us And I make peace With not but What I say.

these lines are pretty transparent. this was never resolved, there was never a proper conclusion to this relationship. they kind of just drifted apart, but lanque can take solace in the truth and completion of this poem. he makes peace with the fact that he acknowledges all of the problems in the relationship, and chooses to make them a part of him rather than something to just scowl and scoff at

You are only that Which is Within me, my blood and my mind and that is at once nothing, and the most elementary definition of eVerything.

i’m tired man i wrote like what 5 google drive pages about it i feel like i’d be repeating myself since this is his equivalent of wrapping it up and tying it in a lil bow

just because it happened and ultimately doesn’t matter doesn’t mean he didn’t internalize it?

this sort of ended up defining the person he became since it just shook him that badly man

do i need to go into more depth than that i just want some fucking chicken

#ginger lemon radler ( ooc ) ;;#angelic voices ( hc ) ;;#are you down? ( saves ) ;;#the heart of he who lives beyond the pale ( poetry ) ;;#GODDDDDD THIS IS SO LONG I'M SO SORRY

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byebyechloe · 5 years ago

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So I’ve been contemplating writing this for awhile...

about.... let’s see, I need to do the math.

we broke up January 15th.

Then we talked until, what would you say? the third Monday of February?

Yes, February 18th. I remember that night well. It shook me to the core, that's when our break up... really began to be our break. up.

but then let me throw this at you. this low low low LOW number.

18 days. (That’s how many days you had me blocked. I’m assuming... if not less. I accidentally came up on that realization one day. So who knows.)

I took the ballsy choice of adding you back on snap, being subtle. you added me back the same night, and thats when it all began again.

well... kinda, took us until, when? probably like 2 Fridays later? I slid into your texts to tell you about a artist I liked and thought you’d vibe too. Ironically, you already fucked with him too.

Then that next weekend I gave you the entire snapchat tour of the 2nd Ben Rector concert we didn't attend together, but this one we had planned too...

and then I think... the next Friday is when I took a huge risk on my mental health and dropped sam off at Julies and off I was! back to the place in the middle of the damn trees, just to spend a night with you again, that I thought would just be a random hook up, and then we’d just let it all go again. but no.

I left that bed with plans to be back the next weekend, and then plans to hangout when you moved home for the “short” time you had planned before “moving away back east”, that ended up being an entire summer, and you ended up being A LOT closer than you planned when you did finally move away again in October. But this moving away didn’t happen of course, until after another big “I'm sick of you!” argument from us both (after an ironically, perfect Saturday with you. I still think about that night. so cute and romantic in the weirdest, not romantic way.) and then we talked on and off for another time. this was a little longer than 18 days, but wasn’t longer than 3 weeks. And you were back around, and I was stronger alone, but so was my strong belief in the damn signs I've been getting the last fucking YEAR of us doing this ~thing~ of ours from the big guy up there (imagine me pointing, yanno me, i’m an awkward bitch who points, bet you can imagine my torn up nails too. you always remind me to stop biting them. thanks for that.)

Oh.. yeah, hey, happy 1 year of crossing paths (again, if you count the years we didn’t really /know/ each other, but were in the same friend circle... somehow. idk.) and taking away my right to say “i’ve never fallen inlove like for real for real!” (my words, not society’s.)

But yeah, when I sit here and type, I realize I won’t get as much out as I will whenever you give me the chance to say it all out loud (if you could be /so/ kind), but let me get to my favorite part of the last 365 days.

I’ll start with the fact that... that night.... I almost cancelled on you 3 fucking times. This was before I caught on to God’s lessons that he embedded in our encounter and friendship. Now I see this was his small beginning and it was with the fact that we both come from two different lives and backgrounds, that being symbolized by the fact that I usually eat dinner at like... 5 pm. and you are a more 7 pm guy. By 6:30 I was not only hangry, but beginning to let my anxiety and trust issues from my past start to creep in. “He is really gonna pull this? after 3 weeks of us talking? AND its the day before my birthday? how rude.” I thought. I even told my friends twice I wanted to drop the date, and they both said to do what made me happy. But yanno what I did that I never do? especially in that season of life I was in? (this was “fuck guys, none of them deserve me anyway) phase, by the way. I’m still in it, but you’re an exception.)

I just said... “no. I’ll give him 10 more minutes”.... three times. But yanno what?

It was the best decision I ever fucking made in my ENTIRE life. (other than that one time we... yanno... had sex for (my) the first time (ours together). Sorry but I mean you saw this coming right?)

You kept me talking and laughing from the moment I walked out of my front door that night... all the way until, well, that night we broke up in January. Yet, I think you still made me giggle a few times before we finally hung the 3 hour phone call up.

OH! Our first date was November 15th, 2018. Crazy... we broke up literally... 2 months after our first date. That’s super weird. This isn’t the first time that dates have aligned like that in my life. It’s whatever, ANYWAY.

Back to the story! So. Yeah. Best night of my life. seriously. Going out with you that night was the best decision I ever made. It was so fun and sweet and carefree and I was so happy.

Bro-- you make me /SO/ fucking happy.

Even after all the shit we’ve gone through, I’d still pick you over any guy on this damn planet, and that says a lot about me considering you’re very deep into your “bachelor szn” of life right now. Which I’m happy af for you for, that is a sick time of life, and you deserve to live it. I just appreciate you keeping me around for the nights you want someone to hold and kiss and watch movies with. (the dinner was an added bonus, and very sexy. so keep it up for me pls. I promise I will reciprocate my thanks.)

But anyway. The 1st date, it was the night I think God sealed the deal of the whole “you’re gonna fall inlove with this guy when y'all kiss” thing. I never really believed in that shit, partly bc I hated hallmark movies and hated the entire feeling of love after what I thought I knew from my last big relationship before you, but I was so wrong.

I still think about our first kiss a lot, and I hate to admit that because I am not that OOZY with love and emotions. But I do. And I never realized that was the night I fell in love with you, I realized that the last night you and I stayed at Julie and Camden’s... yanno before you met some new girl and started seeing her like 3-4 nights a week? yeah same. I wasn’t a complete mess though, I worked on school and fell in love with the art of teaching, so that was cool. But yeah. That night. You and I literally had so many nights like it this summer, but, yet, THAT night is when I was trying to fall asleep and the memory of our first date was like “yo what up bitch time to relive this day again.”

and I did. and it was amazing. and then when it got to that kissing part (Sam was so annoyed by us, I think. I don’t really remember. it was THAT good of a kiss my dude.) I really realized that is when I began to believe in the fact that a man could possibly love me, or care for me, or just like me again. I was so happy.

I have learned so many lessons from this whole 365 days (and counting) experience. Let me explain.

- be patient. (THIS was the biggest and hardest one, and its ongoing. I want to say I’m doing better.) I've had to really stop myself from getting upset and remind myself, “God wouldn’t keep him around in my life like this if he didn’t have a reason too.” He’d give me all the signs to leave. I’m not too blind to look at both sides, I just see more promise in the good side than to be dramatic and listen to the bad side. I see dedication and hard work on the good side.

- be trusting. (Now I know you get me when I say, trust issues take up your whole damn life. Maybe not as much anymore because we both are/have gone through the stage of life where you learn “people only take as much as you give. So give a little at a time.” which is what your doing now, and is what I learned to start doing... then I met you and ended up dumping all my trust into you. but not in the way you may think, it has taken this entire year for me too. so you’re welcome). I have really started seeing how much I trust you, and how much you deserve it. But I won’t lie and say there aren’t times you don’t deserve me, and I KNOW that. But I refrain from screaming it at you, because.... what is that going to help at this point? The time isn’t here yet, if it ever comes, but if it does, you’ll know I’ve waited to say it, followed up with the whole hearted reason I never let it be why I gave up, because I never will give up on you.*

* When you and I started dating (11...24...18.... yeah. you get why I put it in numbers, right?) You told me in text that night to not give up on you, because you’re still young and still learning. I said I understood and wouldn’t, because you made me (and still do) the happiest girl on this earth. no cap, boo. You also said it and say it almost every time you are drunk and next to me in bed. “Don’t give up on me baby. please.” and my most favorite time, which was Christmas, “Don’t give up on me baby and I swear, I’m going to make our life together so damn great.” and yanno? I still believe it. and Always will. (scouts honor, boo.)

- Be understanding. (This one is gonna get deep.) So, I know, most movies will show you a girl who is a friend of the girl in love, or the guy who is the best best friend of the guy who is also in love tell one of the two that they need to just man up and say how they feel to the other one, even if that other one doesn’t want to believe it. Or better yet, tell the person THEY don't see how inlove they are with a person. Now I won’t sit here and act like I haven’t wished I could come across you with the desire in my heart to just tell you “don’t you see how fucking perfect we are for eachother?” because thats not realistic. That would of pushed me away from any man (and actually has before) who said it to me. SO WHY would I ever try to make someone push you to believe it? Let alone myself? You will realize it yourself someday, or maybe a friend will notice it and mention it to you, but I won’t ever be the one to tell you I think you are dumb for not seeing our potential. I’m fine with waiting until you figure it out. As far behind as you are in the feelings and independence stage in life... emotionally... I am in the independence and living stage... physically. We just did things backwards.

This is getting long (if it wasn’t a surprise) but...

I love you, boo. I always will, and apparently have since the first night you took me to chilis. So let’s just say this has been a wild year, but I can’t wait for the rest of the others.

Have fun with whatever/whoever you’re doing, Hope to see ya soon and get my face wash back that I “forgot” two weeks ago.

love,

your future wifey, hehe. ;)

jk.

love always, Chloe. (or when you like to make me mad, Coco.)

#jeff #cbjournals

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lavender-annd-lilac · 2 years ago

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Lol ok….. 😮‍💨so I was going to send this in on anon (bc I’m a coward and have no confidence in my own opinion lmao), and then do my usual memes and whatever in the comments to stay On Brand like any internet savvy citizen.

but then it got super long and I was like…. Ok whatever y’all can roast me haha nothing will hurt me more than the result of Spain vs Germany yesterday 😭

⚠️NOT my usual disclaimer: long post, not funny (not intentionally anyway 😭), uneducated but strongly held opinions, etc. ⚠️

Oh wait I actually do have one joke before we start just to break the ice 😅

How much does a polar bear weigh

Q: What goes around?

A: A rope! And it goes around my neck! Bc it’s a noose! Bc I spent an inappropriate amount of time thinking about this fictional scenario! Seriously I could have imagined up like 5 Goncharovs in the time it took to write this out somewhat coherently lol

Anyway here is my potentially problematic(?) take lmao:

I kind of feel bad for Beth???? Like some real anti-hero level sympathy going on here. 😳😳😳

Lol jk (I wish)

But here’s a visual TL;DR if u don’t want to waste the next 15 min of your life deciphering my TED Talk :

So obvi the whole timing of the announcement was a shitty thing to do to your bff BUT we’ve all done dumb shit in our early 20’s and like, readers dad is a grown ass man so…. who do y’all think the power dynamic favours there 😬

Just thinking back to my own college days, I definitely did a lot of hurtful things to other ppl but it wasn’t out of spite, and I don’t think Beth did what she did with any kind of bad intent. 😣

College friendships are also weird

u initially bond with ur roommate(s) out of necessity (esp if u don’t know anyone else on campus)

I’m not saying it can’t grow into a genuine relationship, but u are kind of thrown together by rng

after u both get over that initial “omg we have to cling to each other bc everything is new and scary” phase, things can change. 🫣

Like, maybe u discover u don’t actually have a lot in common, and u start to grow apart but still hang out a lot bc u feel a sense of loyalty to that person, or out of comfort/familiarity, and bc u are probably still friends even if u don’t connect to them as much as when u first met.

Also there’s just so much happening at that stage in your life, u won’t necessarily notice if one person is more invested in the friendship.

It’s kind of assumed you’re on the same page ??? until someone doesn’t get invited to a party or something and while the other person didn’t see it as a big deal lol.

Based on reader’s narrative, it seemed like she was more invested in the friendship than Beth to begin with ?? She was like 🔥ride or die🔥, while Beth appeared to have a larger friend circle or social group.

I also think reader has more emotional awareness than Beth so she was more perceptive of these slight shifts in their dynamic - while for Beth it was more of a friendship of convenience?

(And I don’t mean convenience in a “I’m just using u” way, but like in the way that u might make friends with ur co workers bc it makes the workplace environment better, but u wouldn’t necessarily seek out their friendship if u weren’t co workers.)

At that age (or maybe this is just my experience as a spoiled only child scorpio) I was also pretty emotionally dense (and kind of still am at times haha it’s hard to pick up on cues idk) 😅 I wasn’t a modelesque popular girl by any means, but I was lucky to find a great group of friends that I probably took for granted at the time 😥

Like call me a pie crust bc I would literally just flake or completely ghost people if I got into one of those anxiety/0 emotional bandwidth left moods 😑 which could last for days or weeks or months. And it wasn’t bc I didn’t value their friendship - it was more like I underestimated how much they valued my presence in the friend group if that makes sense? 🥺

In my head, I just assumed it would be no big deal if I skip this movie night our friends planned bc that’s how I would think if someone didn’t show up - like, whatever, no worries, see u at the next one girl lol. But to that friend group it was hurtful bc it came off as me not caring about the effort they put into choosing the movies and snacks and everything. 😓

So I understand reader being upset about getting the brush off from Beth leading up to the relationship reveal, but I can also see Beth not realizing how her friend felt unless reader was direct about it and said like “hey, are we ok? I feel like we’ve been kind of distant lately”

I mean… Ideally reader wouldn’t HAVE to say it directly like that and Beth would pick up on context clues but some of us are socially inept and need a neon sign 😅

As for the relationship w reader’s dad, I honestly don’t see Beth as being “the bitch” here. Like, it’s not one of those scenarios where a girl purposely seeks out her friends dad for some petty affair like the “might seduce your dad type” Billie Eyelash sings about

Alexa play,

Also going to give u the Justin Bieber version so u can see how he literally adds nothing and Billie is a star on her own

Anyway, I feel like when u are just out of college it’s really flattering to get a attention from an older man and even if Beth had a ton of flings before, this is prob what she sees as her first serious relationship….so she’s likely letting reader’s dad’s lead when it comes to “what should we tell ur daughter” or “when should we tell her”. I can also see Beth trusting reader’s dad more than her own friend just bc she’s under the impression that this guy knows best, esp if her comparison point is like frat boys doing lines of coke off her ass (Ransom, was that u?👀)

Announcing their relationship at the party was beyond gauche but again, I’m just going to say…. the dad should have the emotional IQ and life experience to know better. 😤😤😤

It’s a bigger betrayal from him IMO bc he’s been in his daughter’s position before, so he should have been like, “oh, I know it would have pissed me off if my parent dropped a bombshell at what is supposed to be a celebratory moment, so I won’t do that to my daughter, even if my much younger gf thinks it’s ok”.

Plus, at this point everyone knows except reader right? So if readers dad is very nonchalant about their relationship, and Bucky didn’t really protest either (like he said, he thought he would be a hypocrite if he did 😒 I’ll drag him for this later lol), then basically all the “adults” around Beth are treating it like no big thing…

So…., she would prob get the impression that being casual about it is the “mature” thing to do, which is why she interprets readers negative reaction as “immaturity”. 😫

I get ppl having their pitchforks out and wanting the reader to embarrass Beth like how she felt Beth embarrassed her, but I think a lot of of that anger is misplaced???😟

Also, If reader was Beth’s closest friend and they weren’t even that close at the end, Beth wouldn’t have had anyone to really talk to while the relationship was starting? Which just seems sad 😔

The men seem like the most problematic ones here tbh.

Like reader’s dad - dude u are the one who should have thought about how your daughter would be affected… Beth is her friend, but you are the parent here lmaoo 😂

And as for Bucky - ok ya u might not have the closest relationship with ur daughter, but ugghhhh, don’t act like u couldn’t have tried to talk to her🙄

When he says shit like:

Truth is, I can’t control what Beth does. She stopped listening to me a long time ago. And if I tried to force her to let Dave go, it would make her want him more,

I was like are u fucking kidding me😠 (also, just bc u preface something by saying “truth is” doesn’t make it the goddamn truth lol)

First of all, maybe she stopped listening bc ur go to approach is apparently to “force her” to do this thing or that thing?

Dude, u don’t have to force anyone to do shit!!! 😡😡😡

He’s making it seem like the only options are for him to grant her permission to do something, or to forbid her from doing something.

Ok…..I missed the part where we time travelled back to medieval Europe??? 😱😱😱What happened to having conversations with ur child??

When he called her “bratty” I was like ok sir, that’s YOUR own daughter like why do u think she turned out that way huh????🤔

Ofc children have their own personalities but a parent also has a role in shaping that personality so pls don’t throw her under the bus like u had nothing to do with her upbringing, or u just like gave up at some point and stopped caring how she turned out????

And then him basically being like Beth didn’t want a stepmother and ppl don’t want to date me bc I have a bratty daughter… WTF? That’s some sympathy for the devil BS 😑

Don’t act like u can’t do shit when it comes to influencing ur daughter’s decisions, but then she suddenly has all the veto power when it comes to your love life like “dad, I don’t want a step mom, u are forbidden to date”

And u don’t have a “bratty daughter”, u have a daughter who is a young adult ok. Don’t act like she’s some hairy mole on ur face scaring all the ladies off… SHEESH

NEWSFLASH: Adults with adult kids do get remarried… like, dating might not be as easy as when u were a single dude but guess what? Ur not a single dude, ur a single dad. And how did that happen again? Who’s the one responsible for ur life choices?? How about u look in the fucking mirror u whiny bitch lol I am mad about this 🙄

I’m not a parent so obvi my opinion is worth very little haha, but….just bc u think u won’t be able to dissuade ur child from doing something doesn’t mean ur only choice is to silently stand by and let it happen???

Like, let them know how u feel at least ???

Maybe it won’t change their decision, but it might change how they go about making their decision, or how they handle things afterwards. Don’t just assume they won’t listen to u, or they will interpret it in some reverse psychology way man…. Why u playing mind games w ur offspring lol

But I mean what can we expect from a guy who says

You know how relieved Dave was that I didn’t beat the shit out of him over Beth? Or that I didn’t push him away as a friend?

Like, ok bro this is your good (?) friend and you want to handle the situation by beating the shit out of him or shunning him? Sure, if that’s your first thought after you find out, it’s normal to be angry. But he’s had some time to process it and this is STILL how he sees the situation??!

And his justification??? OOOOOHHH BOY. He didn’t confront Dave or his daughter bc he “didn’t want to be a hypocrite”???

Translation: he wanted to bang his friends daughter while still being able to take the moral high road afterwards and be like “well I never judged u for doing the same thing”

Talk about having your cake and eating it too 🙄

He passed on the opportunity to have a conversation with 2 people that probably needed some kind of outside opinion/feedback (whether they wanted it or not), just to leave the door open for him to get his dick wet, and not have to “feel bad” about it later.

The heck??? 😤

I mean at least reader acknowledges that the situation is messed up and admits to herself that she just did what she was mad at Beth for. At least she isn’t going all scorched earth like, oh, those two did something “wrong” so now anything goes and I can do whatever I want.

And Bucky painting it as “aren’t u tired of being good” like it’s some black and white situation??? He’s implying that Dave and Beth did something “bad”/are bad ppl which I feel is unfair.

Ya they handled it poorly but there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with two consenting adults being in a relationship with an age gap???

It’s not just like, abstaining from desire = being good, giving in to desire = bad 😒

Oh hang on, we’re getting a phone call…

📞Ring ring…. ring ring….Hello? Oh it’s for Bucky - The Catholic Church called, they said they want their rhetoric back

🙄

What’s so “good” about secretly lusting over your friend’s daughter for years and then hardcore judging your friend for doing what u didn’t have the nerve to do, and THEN not saying anything to anyone and letting a ticking time bomb explode just so u can use the ensuing emotional chaos to act on your desires huh??? HUH???

Even if we frame the Dave/Beth relationship as “bad” or problematic… it’s like watching your friend gamble away his life savings at the casino and not saying a word bc u also want to blow all ur money at the casino, but don’t to be judged for for it??? That’s some mutually assured destruction shit.

💥🤯

Reader and Beth both deserve better parents and like, I just feel sad Beth is getting the majority of hate when I genuinely feel she’s the least responsible for causing harm out of the unholy trinity of dumbasses here.

Beth’s worst crime is that she’s an impulsive girl in her early 20’s who made a self centred decision and chose a guy over her friend.

🤷‍♀️

The other two? Two middle aged adults who want to pursue a relationship with each others 20 y/o children but lack either the will or the ability or the emotional awareness to give a damn about how their closest friends and family will be affected???

Send those fools back to clown school bc that shit ain’t funny

🤡

Haha ya anyway just like some casual thoughts 😮‍💨 why didn’t I just go with memes fucking hell lol

What Goes Around

Pairing: BFD/DBF!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader Summary: Bucky is your friend's dad and your dad's friend and nothing more. Until he isn't. Word Count: Over 6.2k Warnings: Explicit sexual content, vaginal unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), semi-public sex, possessive behavior, dirty talk, light Daddy kink, age gap (reader is in early 20's and Bucky late 40's), arguing, light violence, swearing, conflicted reader (everything is consensual!), everyone is a mess, Bucky Barnes (he’s a warning, okay?). A/N: Woohoo! Stepped out of my comfort zone a bit on this and I'm so proud! Thank you to @sweeterthanthis , @dreamlessinparis , @buckyownsmylife, @targaryenvampireslayer , @christywantspizza , @sgt-seabass , @lookiamtrying for listening to me ramble about this. Beta read by the lovely @whisperlullaby (thank you as well), but any and all mistakes are my own. Banner and moodboard by yours truly. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated! ***Any soft!dark undertones are unintentional as everything is consensual.***

You met Bethany Barnes your freshman year of college. While some of the girls on your floor knew each other, you went off to university not knowing a soul and had to be assigned a roommate. Your nerves shot up when you walked into the shared room. Beth, as she preferred to be called, was intimidatingly beautiful. You hadn't met any supermodels, but she could've chosen that as her profession with her tall, slender build, long auburn hair, and sparkling blue eyes.

Your nervousness faded when she smiled and gave you a hug, after asking if it was okay.

"You're here!" she smiled more when she pulled away, looking over your shoulder at who you thought was your dad. "By the closet."

You weren't normally stunned silent by looking at a person, but that was what happened when you met James "Bucky" Barnes. With the beard and quiet confidence in which he carried himself, you would've mistaken him for a professor had it not been for the fact that he was in the dormitory. Call it instant attraction or lust, but you found yourself openly staring at the handsome man as he carried a box into the room. He gazed at you, too, or so you thought. Your mind may have been playing tricks on you.

"Dad, quit staring at my roommate. That's weird."

The needle on the record scratched. Her dad. You could see where she got her good looks. He was taller and broader, his hair dark brown instead of auburn, and eyes a deeper shade of blue. One of the hottest men to ever grace the earth, if anyone asked for your opinion.

It didn't matter how good looking he was. This was Beth's dad. It put him in the "look, but don't touch" column.

Your dad, Dave, appeared moments later and introduced himself. Bucky was kind enough to help him with the rest of your stuff and even offered to buy lunch. While he didn't look the least bit upset about leaving, it was clear your dad was having a tough time holding it together and even had tears in his eyes. You understood. It was the two of you for so long and now you were out the door.

Beth put a hand on his arm and gave him a small smile to ease his worries.

"Hey. Your daughter and I will look out for each other, okay? You have nothing to worry about. Plus, I think we're going to be good friends."

She was right.

To your surprise, you discovered that Beth only lived about an hour away from your hometown. Like you, Beth didn't know anyone, but she was friendly and welcoming. Definitely more outgoing than you would ever be. Her popularity grew quickly, but the two of you were there for each other like she promised. While you had lost your mother, hers took off when she was so young she couldn't even remember her face. Bucky did the best he could to raise her. Like your dad had done for you.

Maybe that was why they became such good friends, too.

The two of you traded off different weekends at each other's houses when you left campus and spent a few holidays together. You did a couple of summer trips with your dads doing their best not to be overbearing. Eventually Beth joined a sorority and moved into the chapter's house, so you no longer lived together. Bucky suggested that your dad move closer to his place when he decided to sell the house, that way everyone could still spend time together.

"You wouldn't mind, would you?" your dad asked at the time.

You didn't at the time. It still gave everyone a chance to hang out and your dad seemed to need it more than you. He admired Bucky for being self-made, having a nice house, and a good job. It was as if the man's confidence rubbed off on him. He began to dress better and get in shape. He mentioned possibly dating again, which you encouraged. Your dad deserved to be happy.

You couldn't have predicted it would all go to hell after graduation.

You nursed your wine as you sat at the bar, staring into the abyss of the liquid as you swirled it around. Maybe if you looked long enough, you'd forget about tonight. It should have been an evening of celebration for you. Nothing major, but it was something that meant the world to you.

"I think you need something stronger."

You stayed silent when you turned to your right, slightly surprised when you saw none other than Bucky take a seat beside you. The citrus scent of his cologne filled your nostrils when he moved his stool close enough that your knees touched. Up close, even with the dim bar lightning, you could see the gray hairs in his trimmed beard and perfectly coiffed brown hair. Of all the people you expected to see, he certainly wasn't one of them.

"What are you doing here?" you asked.

"I thought you could use a friend."

"Are we friends?" You asked softly.

Hurt flashed in his eyes, which filled you with guilt. "I thought we were."

You weren't sure if you would label Bucky as a friend, but you cared for the man. He had been good to you over the years, staying up with you and watching movies when you couldn't sleep or listening to you ramble on about your papers, internship, resume, while Beth pampered herself. He gave advice when you asked and listened when you only wanted to talk.

You didn't need to be rude to him.

"We are," you wanted to assure him and you felt a bit better when his shoulders relaxed. "How did you even know where to find me?"

"You rushed off before dinner started and you mentioned that you liked this place," he replied, like it was obvious. "We were supposed to be celebrating. We didn't get all dressed up for nothing," he teased, gesturing to himself and drawing your attention to his large body as you smiled a little.

Over the last few years, you got used to seeing different looks from him. Jeans and shirts tight enough to see the muscles underneath, sweatpants that hung low enough to let the imagination wander, swim trunks when you went on vacation, and even the occasional suit. He opted for a dark blue suit tonight that matched his eyes, but skipped the tie. It wasn't a look many could pull off and he did it with ease.

You blinked and shook your head, trying not to pay attention to how good he looked. Just because you were upset didn't mean you had a right to check him out. It was wrong to be attracted to him and you refused to acknowledge it. Mainly because he was one of your dad's best friends and one of your best friend's dads.

No, she's not my best friend. Not anymore.

“We even kind of match,” he smiled to himself.

You glanced down at your short, sleeveless dress. It wasn’t revealing or flashy, but you felt beautiful in it. The shade of blue was close to his suit. Part of you felt silly for dressing up for a simple dinner.

"I guess we do," you said softly, looking at your glass again.

“Surprised the boys aren’t lining up for a chance with you,” he said.

You snorted, thankful you didn’t take a sip of your wine. You would’ve spit it out. “The boys have never lined up for me, but it’s okay. I’m used to it.”

Boys usually talked to you to get closer to Beth.

“Their loss,” Bucky said sincerely as he held up a couple of fingers for the bartender.

“And we have nothing to celebrate,” you said, not wanting to dwell on your sad dating history.

"Bullshit," he said, ordering two shots of whiskey and setting some money on the counter once the bartender came over. "You got a job at Stark Industries. I'm proud of you."

Your cheeks heated at the praise. "Thank you," you said, sparing him a glance when he passed you a glass. "I already have a drink.”

“And I said it isn’t strong enough,” he hesitated as he picked up his own. “Beth said you weren’t much of a drinker. Not even on your 21st birthday. You were a good girl, weren’t you?”

You were conflicted as you listened. Did Bucky mean for that to be an innuendo? You chose to focus on Beth instead, and how angry you felt. How many nights did you hold her hair back while she puked?

“You're right. We should celebrate."

Bucky gave you a worried look as you picked up your drink.

Your cheeks ached from your wide smile. "To my dad and your daughter fucking each other. Cheers!"

You might as well address the elephant in the room since he wouldn't.

He frowned when you downed the shot, the burn spreading from the back of your throat to your chest. You half expected him to see a clench in his jaw or an embarrassed blush in his cheeks, but he merely threw his drink back and slammed the glass down when he finished. "You sure you don't want to do another toast? I don't think the entire bar heard you."

"Oh, I wouldn't want to make a scene. I did that already, remember?"

You hadn't seen Beth in months since you graduated. Neither of you landed dream jobs right away, but you did find temporary work to help cover the rent for your new place. You wanted to be independent and your dad supported you. But your friend hadn’t even seen your place.

Any time you reached out to meet up, she made an excuse why she couldn't join you or bailed at the last minute if she agreed. At first, you didn't take any offense. You figured she met a guy. She got like that sometimes over boys, but she had never gone that long without hanging out with you.

Maybe she had outgrown you after college.

Your dad sensed that you missed Beth and assured you that you'd see her soon. He planned a special dinner to celebrate you getting a job at Stark Industries. Beth promised she wouldn't miss it. You thought it was strange how easily she accepted your dad's invitation, but you discovered quickly that she wasn't there for you in the first place.

"Sweetie," your dad began as he slipped an arm around Beth's waist. "We have something we want to talk to you about. Beth and I are, well, we're seeing each other. Now I know that may be difficult to hear, especially since I haven't seen anyone serious since your mother, but…"

Your dad used to describe you as amicable and well-behaved when someone asked him about his daughter. No matter what life threw your way, you did your best to be friendly and stay out of trouble. It could have been before your mother was always kind and you did your best to follow in her footsteps. It often meant putting the needs of others before your own, but it never bothered you.

Until tonight.

Until you saw the ring on Beth's finger.

Beth, the girl who flashed boys from her sorority house window and blew off studying. The same girl who cried with you on the anniversary of your mom's death. She was going to marry your dad.

A slow moving storm began to swirl in your mind. You managed to hear your dad say that they began seeing each other the night of graduation and promised it wasn't sooner. It explained why Beth had blown you off all that time. They were trying to figure out how to tell you, but all they did was lie.

Outrage was a foreign feeling to you and you didn't know how to channel it. Were you supposed to scream? Cry? All you knew was that it clawed at your insides until it broke free.

Whatever you yelled was enough to make your dad step back in shock and Beth grab your arm to drag you outside. The porch light illuminated her enough to see the anger etched on her face. You didn't even recognize her.

"What the fuck? You've been fucking my dad?!" you yelled, snatching your arm back from her.

"Yeah, I'm fucking your dad!" she yelled back.

"How did this even happen?!" you demanded to know, immediately regretting asking a second later.

"After your graduation dinner, we were drinking and I said I always thought he was hot and-"

"God, stop!" you shrieked, covering your ears until her mouth stopped moving. "So, you two have been sneaking around behind my back and lying to me for months?!"

"We had to because we knew you'd lose your shit! I knew you wouldn’t be mature about this!"

You trembled as you took a step back. You weren't used to yelling or being yelled at. There were times that you and Beth bickered, but it was nothing like this.

And, of course, you'd lose your shit. What did she honestly expect? Was she the real reason your dad began to take better care of himself over the years?

"Why?" You asked almost timidly, a contrast to how you shouted moments ago. "I don't want to sound cliché, but you can have anyone you want. Why him?"

"Because I want him," she said unapologetically.

Beth, in the time you knew her, was never afraid to go after what or who she wanted. She also went all in with guys. She didn't believe in doing it half-ass. But your dad was far from her type, the opposite of the fuckboys she typically dated.

"My dad isn't one of those stupid boys who does lines of coke off your ass. He's a good man."

"I know he's a good man. That's why I'm marrying him," she snapped, holding up her hand for you to see the ring again. It was beautiful. If you had to guess, it was also expensive. "We just want your support."

You wondered what it would be like at times to have a stepmom. Whenever you envisioned it, your best friend never came to mind. Your dad had to be going through a midlife crisis. God, what would your mom say if she was alive? What did Bucky have to say?

"You're half his age!" you argued, the anger starting to surface again as you stepped forward and smacked her hand away. "What do you two possibly have in common?"

"A lot, actually," she said, clutching her hand against her chest. "You never had a problem with your dad and I hanging out in all the years we've been friends. And you wouldn't give a shit about his age if this was any other guy."

"But this isn't just any guy! This is my dad!" you argued, pleading with her to understand as your vision blurred. Didn’t she realize how awkward it was? What if they ended things? "And you're my best friend."

Beth bit her lip at the sight of your tears. "Your dad and I care about each other, okay? We deserve to be happy. And I care about you, too, but I'm not letting him go. I refuse to be like you."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" you demanded when you watched the sympathy leave her eyes.

When backed into a corner, Beth lashed out like an animal. Anyone who got too close got hurt. Unlucky for you, you knew you were about to be on the receiving end of her wrath.

"You spent all four years of college studying and being nice instead of living. You only had fun when I made it happen. You hardly dated. You're lucky you even got laid at all," she said, digging into your insecurities. It was tough for guys to look at you when Beth stood beside you. It made you wonder how long she felt this way about you. "Deep down, you’re just a fucking coward. Unlike you, I have the balls to go after what I want, so that's what I did. You should find a pair and do the same."

Your hand connected with Beth's cheek before you could stop yourself. Like a scene out of a movie, your dad opened the door in time for him to witness the slap. But it wasn't his hand that gripped your shoulder to pull you away.

It was Bucky’s.

Your hand stung as Beth dissolved into tears in your dad's arms. He looked disappointed in you and said as much as you tried to say something. You waited for Bucky to snap at you for hitting his daughter, but he stayed eerily silent as he looked at your hand.

Did he hate you now?

"I'm sorry," you whispered, pulling away before he could say a word.

You ducked inside long enough to grab your purse and take off before any of them could stop you. It was a coward's way out. Maybe Beth was right about you, after all.

"You didn't cause a scene," Bucky said, ordering you both another drink. "That being said, I didn't hear most of the argument, but I did see you hit Beth."

You winced a little and rubbed your palm against your thigh. It was the first time you ever hit someone. "I'm sorry for slapping her."

"Don't be. She deserved it," he said under his breath.

You didn't expect him to say that.

"Your dad is worried, you know," he said, surprising you again. "Said you aren't answering his calls."

"No, I'm not. I don't know what to say to him," you admitted, finally taking out your phone to glance at it. You had missed calls and texts from your dad and Beth, but you refused to listen to the voicemails or look at the messages. "I don't get it."

"What do you not get?" He asked curiously when you finally took your drink.

"Them," you said, allowing the alcohol to burn your throat again. "I don't get them together. Beth isn't. Well, she's not…"

"Your mother?" he guessed.

You looked in your lap with a sigh.

"No, she isn't, but maybe that isn't a bad thing. She won't try to be your mom. Just a partner to your dad," he said. Was your dad someone who could ground her? Was she someone who could make him feel younger? "They're consenting adults. And your dad is lonely. Has been for years."

It sounded like he was trying to placate you, but something in his voice kept you from calling him out. You knew your dad was lonely. Beth said something similar about Bucky.

"I think Beth is bringing him out of his shell," Bucky gently added.

“I wouldn’t know. I’ve hardly seen them in months,” you mumbled.

“They should’ve made time for you,” he said, putting his hand over yours. You didn’t dwell on how nice his touch felt since he pulled away just as quickly. “I should have, too. I’ve missed seeing you around the place.”

It wasn’t his job to make time for you.

“You’ve missed me?” you questioned, warmth spreading in your face as he smiled. It was nice to hear that. “I’ve missed you, too.”

“Though I have a feeling you won't want to stop by as much now to see me.”

"If I don't, it has nothing to do with you," you said.

"Sure," he smiled a little.

You examined him with a critical eye, trying to decipher what was going on in his head. Wouldn't it be awkward for him, too? Where was his anger at the situation? Was he hiding it?

"Why are you not upset? She's your daughter."

He gave you a wistful smile and had his drink. A drop of liquid stayed on his lip and you were tempted to wipe it away. Or lick it away. You couldn't act on those urges, especially after the way you went off on Beth. It would be hypocritical.

"Just because I’m not letting it show doesn’t mean I’m not upset. Truth is, I can’t control what Beth does. She stopped listening to me a long time ago. And if I tried to force her to let Dave go, it would make her want him more," he explained, his jaw twitching. "I had a few choice words for him since he kept it from you."

"Wait," you swung in your chair and almost landed in his lap. His hands gripped your arms to steady you, but he didn't let go. "Because he kept it from me? Not you?"

Bucky gave you a single nod, making your heart crack.

"So you knew?" you asked, sadness bubbling up this time instead of anger.

"I did. I’m sorry."

Why would they tell Bucky and not you? Did they expect him to be more mature? Was he the lesser of the two evils or worse?

“How long have you known?” you asked, moving off the stool with his help. “Why didn’t you say anything to me?”

“I’ve only known about their relationship for a couple of weeks,” he answered, trying to stop you when you put your phone in your bag. No wonder he wasn’t as upset. He had time to process the news. “Look, it wasn’t my place. You had enough on your mind with job interviews and I was-”

“You were what? Trying to protect me?”

“In a way, yeah,” he said, making you take a step back when he stood up. “I know how my daughter can be, but I didn’t expect them to pick your celebration dinner to tell you.”

“Tonight wasn’t about me,” you said with a bitter laugh. “It was never meant to be about me.”

Age gap and weirdness aside, you didn't want to say out loud that you felt pushed out. Your dad and Beth would be wrapped up in each other from now on. They already were. How would Beth be able to talk to you about romantic issues when those very issues involved your dad? Would your father make time for you? What if they decided to have a kid?

Were you wrong for thinking of yourself instead of being happy for them?

“Come here,” he whispered, embracing you in a comforting hug.

You were close to bursting into tears, shutting your eyes to keep them at bay. What were you supposed to do with the emotions you were feeling? And why did it feel so good to be in his arms?

“I don’t want to be mad at him,” you whispered.

“You won’t be mad at him forever. He’s your father,” he said, leaning in close so his lips brushed your ear. “But he isn’t your daddy, is he?”

Your eyes slowly opened at his words.

“You want me to be your daddy?”

You nearly stumbled back, your eyes wide as you looked at him. There was no playfulness in his gaze. Nothing to give away that it was a joke. You heard him wrong or imagined that because there was no way he would ask you that. Maybe those couple of shots got to you quicker than you thought.

“What did you say?” you asked.

“You heard what I said,” he said evenly.

You laughed as you backed away more. It had to be a joke and you weren’t in the mood for games. So why wasn’t he laughing with you?

“Whatever that was, I-I can’t process this right now. I need air. I need to go home.”

“You’ve been drinking,” Bucky pointed out as you began to walk to the side door. “I can take you. Let me take care of you.

“You’ve been drinking, too,” you said over your shoulder. “I’ll call a cab.”

“Wait!”

You pushed the door open and welcomed the cool air as you walked down the alley. It didn’t bother you since the alcohol warmed you a bit. It was dark, except for the glow of the neon lights. The perfect cover to hide your oncoming tears.

You turned around when you heard footsteps behind you, but didn’t speak when you saw Bucky a few feet away. What would you say to him? It was difficult to think with him watching you, the air thick with tension. The longer his gaze lingered on you, the harder it was to breathe. If he noticed your hand shaking when you wiped at your eyes, he didn't point it out.

Such a gentleman.

"You're not going home until you talk to me," he said, taking another step toward you.

"You can't keep me out here all night. There. I spoke to you."

"That isn't what I meant and you know it. You're pissed about everything, I get it, but don't act like I'm the bad guy here."

"You're not the good guy either," you snapped, pointing back at the bar. “What the hell was that in there? Asking to be my daddy?”

“You know how relieved Dave was that I didn’t beat the shit out of him over Beth? Or that I didn’t push him away as a friend? You know why I didn’t?” he asked, avoiding your question. “Because I’d be a fucking hypocrite.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’ve wanted you since I walked into your dorm room your freshman year.”

The air rushed out of your lungs. A man who is practically sex on legs wanted you. Someone off limits and you could never have.

“Beth never wanted a stepmom and the women I dated didn’t want a bratty daughter. I almost gave up on dating and then I saw you. You were right in front of me and I couldn’t have you because you were half my age and living with my daughter,” he explained.

You thought back over the years, searching for signs in the memories that he wanted you. The late, quiet nights together. His interests in your studies. How he used to joke with your dad that the reason you didn’t date much was because the boys weren’t good enough for you.

“Been almost five years and I can’t stop thinking about you. I’ve tried to be good. What’s stopping us now?”

“I. That’s not. We.” Why couldn’t you form a coherent sentence? “You’re a good man and a good looking man, but you’re Beth’s dad.”

Bucky’s bitter laugh chilled you more than the cool air.

“So, you’re going to pretend that you don’t want me? That you haven’t wanted me all these years and I’ve just imagined the looks and want between us?” he demanded, every bit the confident man you grew used to seeing. “Say you don’t want me and we’ll forget this whole thing.”

You couldn’t say that.

“Say I do want you,” you said carefully. “We just can’t.”

You backed up when he strode forward and wrapped his hand around your wrist. The touch was gentler than you expected as he turned and backed you against the wall, your bag unceremoniously falling to the ground. You were forced to look at him when he gripped your chin, pressing his body closer to yours. His eyes flickered between your gaze and trembling mouth and you wondered if he heard how fast your heart pounded.

Were his eyes always such a dark shade of blue or did you ignore the lust hidden beneath the surface?

"Why can’t we, hmm?" he asked, firmly keeping your head in place when you tried to avert your gaze. "Is it because you’re scared? You don’t have to be.”

You were scared as hell. Bucky is a man. Experienced.

"Aren't you tired of being good? I know I am."

You thought back to Beth’s previous words. How she had the balls to go after what she wanted and you needed to do the same. What better time to start than now?

You pressed your lips against his and it didn’t take him long for his tongue to slip in, tasting the whiskey as he devoured you. He moaned when your hands moved down his torso, allowing you to divulge in the thing you both denied yourselves. Some twisted part of you mourned what you could’ve had for months had you simply stopped being a good girl.

Were you truly good to begin with?

The line of his hard cock pressed against you as he rocked his hips and kissed down your neck. “This isn’t how I pictured it, but I can’t fucking wait.”

“How did you picture it?” you whimpered, rolling your hips back against his.

“I’d rather show you later,” he whispered, lightly biting down. It wasn’t hard enough to break the skin, but enough that pain and pleasure lingered. “You have no idea what I’m going to do to you.”

He moved away enough to push your dress up around your hips, shocking you when he tore your panties off. Tucking the ruined fabric into his pants pocket, he slipped his hand back between your thighs. His fingers were cool against your slick folds and you shamelessly writhed, needing everything he was willing to give you.

“Did you touch yourself at night wishing I’d show up and fuck your pretty pussy until you cried for me? Hmm?” He said, kissing you again as you whined. The light scratch of his beard made you shiver as he nipped your bottom lip. “Tell me you want my cock.”

Your head spun at his demand. You weren’t a virgin, but the guys you had been with before weren’t big on dirty talk. Unless they talked about how amazing their cocks were.

They weren’t.

“I want your cock,” you whined against his lips, desperate for him.

You wanted him to fill you up until you were sore, aching, and forgot why you were so upset in the first place.

“I’ll give it to you,” he promised.

Your fingers twisted in his shirt when he slid his fingers into your wet slit. You couldn’t recall a time in your life you felt this hot and slick. And feeling one finger push inside, you were sure this was nothing more than an erotic, dirty dream.

“Fuck, you’re tight. And you’re gonna let me fuck you against this wall, aren’t you?” he asked as you nodded. “Dirty girl. My dirty girl now.”

His finger twisted as he added another and you nearly smacked your head against the wall, but his other hand came up to soften the blow. “Bucky,” you gasped.

“I don’t know if you really want my cock,” he teased, moving his long fingers deep. “Might need to hear it one more time.”

As if you weren’t practically riding the thick digits at this point and moaning in the dark alleyway, he really needed to hear you say it again? The squelching sound of your pussy wasn’t loud enough? But your body liked his teasing. Loved his demands.

“Please, I need your cock. Please, Bucky. Please.” you begged, almost sobbing when he took his fingers out.

“But you said we can't do this. Isn't that what you said?” he asked.

When you opened your mouth to answer, he pushed his wet fingers inside.

“Taste yourself and try to say you don't want me. I dare you,” he whispered, wiping some of the bittersweet juices on your tongue. His fingers slipped free as you gaped at him, watching as he licked the remainder with a groan. “Even sweeter than I imagined.”

The sound of him unbuckling his belt snapped you out of your stupor. “Bucky, I’m-”

“On the pill and clean. I know,” he cut you off as he took his cock out and stroked himself. “I need to fill you up, pretty girl. Need to make you mine, the way I should’ve a long time ago.”

You struggled to keep yourself upright as he guided himself between your legs, holding your hip steady when he pushed the head in. You weren’t nearly stretched enough to take him, but your greedy pussy didn’t care as he slipped in inch by inch. You moaned as he kept pushing until he was fully sheathed inside you. You had never felt so full and likely never would again.

“Fuck,” he groaned, pressing his forehead against yours as your walls pulsed around him.

In the dark place in the back of your mind you kept locked away, you wondered how he looked and sounded when he was pleased. If he gasped when he came or if his eyes rolled back. You were going to find out though, weren’t you?

You cried out when he thrust, one hand moving up to grip his hair. The quick, hard motions felt as desperate as you did inside. You didn’t care if it was fast or dirty. You were tired of being clean. This wasn’t tender or making love. It wasn’t soft touches and kisses to your breasts or slowly building you up.

It was Bucky Barnes fucking you against an alley wall.

“Fuck, are you always this wet or is it just for me?” he asked in awe, pulling one of your legs around his hip to shove his cock in deeper. “Do I have to chase anyone else off?”

You didn’t hear the words as you cried out. It felt so good to be taken like this. The rage, hurt, confusion, all of it molded into ecstasy. You never wanted it to end.

A light smack to your thigh pulled you back to the present.

“Tell. Me. You’re. Mine.” The gravel in his voice grew with each punctuated thrust.

“I’m yours,” you moaned, helpless to the onslaught and uncaring of the implication in the moment.

Your response encouraged him to move faster, kissing you deeply with a groan. His thrusts became almost punishing, like he had to feel you let go so he could come. It wouldn’t take much more with your orgasm building the way it was. You’d be surprised if his cock wasn’t coated in your wetness once you came.

“I-I’m gonna…” you trailed off.

“I know, pretty girl,” he grunted, gripping your chin again. “Be good and come for Daddy.”

Your body seized up before you exploded with pleasure. You struggled to hold yourself up as you trembled with bliss, your vision going white from the intensity. It was so much at once and you thought you might sob from how good it felt.

“Good girl. My good fucking girl,” he encouraged as he fucked you through it, the obscene sounds drowning out your whimpers. He tipped over the edge after a few more thrusts, coating your wet walls. “Fuck, take it.”

He managed to hold you up as he finished, panting as his head fell back. Your grip on his jacket loosened as the reality of the situation sank in, like a bucket of cold water being washed over you. Why did pleasure have to be short lived?

You fucked Bucky. You let Bucky fuck you. How could you cross that line? Just because Beth and your dad had done so, why did you think you could?

God, what were you going to tell them? That you were the biggest hypocrite alive? That you were no better than they were?

What goes around, comes around.

“Hey,” he whispered when he lifted his head, both of you still breathing heavily. “It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

“It’s not okay,” you whispered as he pulled out of you, your mixed release dripping down your thighs. You covered your face as he fixed your dress and himself. “Oh, my god.”

You flinched and dropped your hands when he pulled you away from the wall. His expression was unreadable as he shrugged his jacket off and slipped it over your shoulders. “It’s okay,” he said again.

“W-We can’t do that again,” you whispered as he bent down to retrieve your bag.

"Why not?" he asked, picking up some of the contents that fell out before he stood up.

"Because we can't," you said with no strength behind your words.

“We’re doing this again. You can’t avoid me or this,” he said, pointing between the two of you.

“Your daughter is marrying my dad. This whole thing is fucked up and-”

“And I said I'm tired of being good. I’m fucking tired of denying myself the chance to be happy,” he said firmly as he got in your face. “So are you. I know it."

You pulled the jacket tighter around you, not backing away as he stared at you. Did you shake from the sudden cold, your orgasm, or from the thought that he wasn’t about to let you go?

His gaze softened before he kissed your forehead. “Let’s get a cab and I’ll take you home. We can talk about it once you’ve rested.”

You let him take your hand, your feet moving on their own accord to follow him to the end of the alley. “I can get home on my own.”

You needed to be alone so you could figure out what to do about everything.

“You said you’re mine, didn’t you?” he said, smiling when you stopped. “And what kind of Daddy would I be if I didn’t take care of you?”

Would love to explore more of this new pairing. 😏 Love and thanks for reading! 💙

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

#I’m not saying men are always the problem but like #men are always the problem tbh #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader

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whetstonefires · 6 years ago

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how do you think the batfam mightve progressed if jason never died?

Whaa, 4 asks at once? I’m sorry I still haven’t gotten back on the last one, I thought I was unstuck but guess what, I wrote myself into a pretty little corner by being all ‘I don’t care about what’s canon! i’m just gonna have fun!’ which is the correct approach except then you find out the thing you made up is incorrect and idk how to deal with that. being wrong. it’s a life skill i’m still working on.

So like, if the vote had gone the other way...it depends so much on the writing and editing teams, and so little on real causality, it’s hard to frame a picture?

Jason was created as an alternative to aging Dick down and taking him out of the Titans; his new character origin after the Crisis on Infinite Earths barely got out of its shakedown tour before they killed him off. We know who he was enough to spot the major character derailments, but who he might have been? It’s hard to say.

If he’d made it through the vote, the noisy fans would still have hated him, and so would the man writing his comics. I doubt Starlin would ever have convinced DC to do the HIV plotline with Robin like he reportedly tried, but I feel like Something Bad remained likely.

The 90s are known for their grimdarkness for a reason, and Jason just missed living through them. I feel like his odds of going villain were pretty high anyway, not because of him but because of the constant need for drama fuel. I mean, Alfred had a villain phase, in the 60s.

Babs became Oracle almost simultaneous with the Robin trade-off, debuted the same month Jason died (January ‘89), so that still would have happened. Tim’s influence on her was very slight.

Without Tim, there would have been no need for Steph, since she was created partly as a love interest but more importantly as a foil, and a way of getting more of that high-energy feeling traditionally associated with Robin back into the story even though so many of the fans loathed it and refused to have it in their lead.

(Not that Tim didn’t have a lot of it anyway, but it wasn’t his core feel the way it had been for Dick and Jason. Possibly of note, the ‘87 Killing Joke and ‘89 Batman movie also marked a rise in the use of Joker as Batman’s main dramatic foil rather than Robin, which coupled with the Bronze Age in general really shaped Tim’s character direction. It’s hard to say what caused what, with these trends.)

They might have introduced a girl anyway, to replace Babs. Maybe even a version of Cass. Shiva stated under interrogation during ADitF that she had no child, but in comics terms that half-guaranteed she’d get one eventually, because the concept was now out there.

I doubt Jason would have gotten his own series in the 90s, considering his screaming hatedom and the fact that it took three extremely successful mini-series to get Tim a regular title, but if DC had managed to repackage his character into something that the 90s liked and he had made a go of it, he’d probably have acquired a completely different supporting cast. He might well have continued his pattern of acquiring moms. Maybe even Talia. The whole Sheila thing would have been a half-forgotten backstory subplot by like ‘94 probably.

It occurs to me after typing all of this that you might want to hear my ideas about what in-universe causality might logically have led to, lmao. Let’s see.

Jason’s adolescence was hitting a rocky stage that I doubt this betrayal and near-death experience and technical bereavement would have ended, though it would probably have hit harder than his last few near-death experiences even assuming another improbable complete recovery.

If we up the realism dial a little, he might be forced into retirement by the severity of his wounds. He’d still have to hash out his trust issues with Bruce, probably more than ever. Being a shit communicator was not yet a key part of Bruce’s personality; they might have sorted things out.

Jason would not have dropped out of college. If he’s retired, he goes into a prestigious but helping-centered field with an understanding that he is now the son Bruce trusts to step up to keep WE on the straight and narrow after he dies; inheritance of voting shares may be structured around this expectation.

(Dick experiences that really complicated hypocritical jealousy where you specifically rejected a thing, but it spent so long being marked yours that you feel robbed anyway when someone else gets it. Not a lot of it in the disability scenario, because there’s a distinct vibe of consolation prize there, but otherwise.)

Babs would still have been Oracle. It would have been a less fraught launch, though.

Dick might not have heard about the Ethiopia thing at all, if Jason made a full recovery, considering how little communication was passing between him and Bruce at that point. Dick’s level of Batcomputer access only stated Jason as ‘location unknown’ when he was dead, so.

He and Jason got along fine, regardless of retcons since then, but he was under a lot of stress from a lot of sources, and the feeling that he couldn’t go home even when he really needed to, because he’d been replaced, was very present. That might well have blown up at some point.

I tend to think of Bruce as having changed pretty dramatically as a result of Jason’s death, disregarding a lot of retcons, but I mean, 1987 Bruce already failed to notice Dick having a mental breakdown right in front of him and put him off in favor of hero work with Jason on Dick’s birthday, he just did it cheerfully and with fairly courteous wording. There was a trend in the faildad direction starting already.

There was a lot of relationship stuff in need of fixing and in some ways Jason’s presence made that as hard for Dick with Bruce as Damian’s later did for Tim, even though there was a lot less drama and intentional emotional violence and attempted murder involved. So. That could have gone a lot of ways. Realistically, even without Tim trying to play peacemaker, Dick always gets dragged back into Bruce’s orbit, though. That’s narrative causality at work, but also psychology.

In-universe, Tim can be assumed to have already existed before Wolfman invented him. He’s mostly away at boarding school, but he’s nosy and well-intentioned and he Knows. If Jason ran away more comprehensively than the Great Mom Tour, he might approach him with an argument for why Batman needed Robin and he should go home. Or there would eventually have been a case where he knew something they didn’t and attempted to subtly pass information and got noticed.

Or Oracle’s expanding field of awareness would have eventually noticed him and his zoom-lens one summer evening while his parents were in Haiti getting dead. Idk.

He’d probably have gotten mixed up in Bat-things eventually, and if it wasn’t before the Haiti thing there’s no way Batman would have been invested enough in this random disappearance to be there in time to help, so he’d have been completely orphaned at 13. Bruce taking him in is reasonably likely, since he wasn’t exactly in a position to create himself a fake uncle at the time. On the other hand, he might have gone into foster care. His parent’s company still would have crashed without them, so he wouldn’t have inherited much, but he’d have been better off than most kids in the system because he’d have some assets.

Steph is even more guaranteed to hit the vigilante scene. Bruce would be a lot friendlier to her without Jason death issues for her to trigger, though that doesn’t mean he’d actually be friendly, and Jason would like her, and possibly communicate more effectively than Tim did about how she could not die, or possibly they’d have egged each other on into steadily more unwise behavior.

On the other hand, depending on where Jason’s character development went after surviving Ethiopia, he might at 17 find 15-year-old Steph indescribably annoying precisely because they have so much in common, and lash out at her as a proxy for his younger self, and be kind of awful.

Cataclysm breaks causality to even acknowledge anymore because they rushed on from it like massive chumps, but Jason would have been a good Robin to have for it. He’d have been pretty tall by then, and he’s got the mental tools for surviving in an unfriendly urban environment where money is useless. I think he and Cass would have gotten on well, they have compatible personalities. The only major issue I can see is if Bruce or Babs got really positive about her and triggered some kind of jealousy or possessiveness issue.

We don’t really have any specific data at all from before Jason died about how he would cope with a rival for something he felt entitled to but insecure about--he deferred very nicely to Dick as his elder, but Dick wasn’t actually a threat to anything Jason valued. Assuming later canon is applicable, jealousy would be a definite issue with any additional family members, though I assume without the risk of homicide.

Okay here is an after-midnight hour of my half-baked opinions. You asked for it! ;DDD

#ask #answer #jason todd #batfam #dc comics #superheroes #hoc est meum #my dumb opinions #kuppatan

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appxssionato · 6 years ago

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☯️ you asked I give

@metsittaa said: ☯️

character quiz meme

Send in ☯️ to see my muse’s psychological archetype

ARCHETYPE 3: THE REBELLIOUS JOKER.

Your inner revel embodies repressed anger, yet manifests itself through passion and drive. Although you can be ruthless and a fighter, you are a unique non-conformist. Despite your dark side, your inner joker encourages others to enjoy the process of life through humor. You can be prone to laziness and irresponsibility, but you live life to the fullest. Life Goals: Transformation, pleasure, alivenessFears: Oppression, death, being unoriginalResponse to Problems: Destroy them, make light of themLife Tasks: Enjoyment of the journey, letting goPersonal Gifts: Freedom, humor, humility, ability to changePersonal Pitfalls: Anger, aggression, irresponsibility, slothfulness

okay, so i never heard about these archetypes, and i doubt a REAL psychologyst created him. feels more like buzzfeed shit over here idk. i’m not gonna say it doesn’t fit him, because it does in some points BUT, i’m kinda disappointed because this feels like a game so i’m just gonna start MY OWN analysis on ren’s personality USING the 12 jungian archetypes and a bit of freud’s theories about the psychosexual development in the child.

carl gustav jung’s theory starts with the idea that we all hace a collective unconscious i like this theory though, because he believed that we were just one person in a different bodies. i don′t believe it, but it’s pretty bizarre and it calls my attention because of that. accroding to him, we all got:

persona: the face we show to the world. it’s not necessarily the same for everyone, it’s about looking for a balance to be socially accepted.

shadow: darkness and repression. it’s about those tendencies we consider morally innappropiate.

anima: feminine side of man. it originates because of the early interaction with mothers, sisters and lovers and it will define the concept of women.

animus: masculine side of woman. it originates because of the early interaction with fathers, brothers and lovers and it will define the concept of men.

great mother: derivative of animus and anima. represents opposing forces of fertility and nourishment, but also represents power aand destruction. it leads to the concept of rebirth.

wise old man: comes from the anima and animus as well but it represents wisdom and meaning. it’s unconscious and the person doesn’t realize it exists.

hero: represented in mythology. serves as a model for the ideal personality coming from our adoration with hero troupes.

the self: the most powerful one and it’s the need of growth, perfection and completion. it leads the process to self-realization.

there are also attitudes, functions that define personalities and are the ones i’m gonna tke more into consideration in this long ass analysis no one asked me for.

ren’s personality is INFP. why? well:

I: he seems to be extroverted, but he actually is not. he can easily talk to new people and get along with them, but he is pretty reserved with his own things, he doesn’t tell anyone about his problems and he wishes not do it. he believes that his issues doesn’t define him, so he thinks it’s not necessary to talk about them, reason why he always end up bottling everything on. introverts ARE NOT ALWAYS SHY. this is a amisconception, introvert means being a reflective, reserved and private person which ren is.

N: stands for intuitive.ren is really intuitive, he pays attention to all the information around him and put the pieces together. he is kind of nosy too, so he knows pretty well what’s going on around him. besides, he focus a little too much on the future at the point he worries a lot about it.

F: he is a feeler. even though he doesn’t notice it, he let his emotions to play a leading role in his life. he is concerned about other people but not about himself. he worries about others and he doesn’t even realize he often gets too involved when he genuinely wants to help.

P: perceiver. this says ren all over the place. he is spontaneous as well as his lifestyle. he is really flexible and adaptable. he keeps his options open and lives an unstructured life.

now, let me explain in a really detailed way why ren is this way. our personalty is defined by our childhood experience. this willl develop also our own traumas. the childhood experience is not what you experimented as a kid, it’s about how you lived your psychosexual development. accroding to sigmund freud, there are five stages in this development:

oral: the pleasure is centered in the mouth. the child likes to eat and put things inside their mouth.the ego starts to develop.

anal: it’s about sphincter control. the child feels pleasured by getting control over their bodies.

phallic: superego develops. the kid starts perceiving their parents of the opposite sex as a rivl for their’s mother’s/father’s affection.

latency: this happens in puberty, and sexual urges are usually repressed and the person prefers to spend time with people of the same sex or in hobbies.

genital: the sexual urges are reaawakened.

during these stage on life, the individual learns a lot of things. for example in the oral phase, if the child is not appropiately feed, they are going to have several problems in the future. that happens in ren’s case. renge died right before giving birth at ren, meaning that he never met his mother and thaat he never was breastfeeding. this causes that the gratification about eating is not properly for him, leading him to developt an oral fixation that represents a problem with oral activities, like smoking. i headcanon ren smokes from time to time, and it would be because of that. not to mention tht he never experimented his mother’s warmth and this will lead to several problems in the future. directing us towards the anal fixation and the most notable in ren’s personality.

ren was raised by george, but he comes from a high ranked family, this means he has to be socially accepted as a noble. ren probably was forced to learn to control his sphincters really early, this makes him to be disorganizated but at the same time, and probably because it was george, he learnt to have things in control, meaning that this developed creativity and encourage competence.

now the most important and the one in which ren’s life revolves around. the phallic fixation. renge’s figure is really important in ren’s life. he didn’t meet her but he knows she is important in his life. his father was always a rival, especially when he took all renge’s stuff and threw it away. i have talked about ren’s oedipus complex before, and it’s all about. ren never got over it because he never had a motherly figure he could stick to, he never got away this phase, thinking his father was horrible for talking about his mother in such the way he did. for ren, his father was always a rival. he got the affection of his mother before he was born, and then he basically took her away by himself and he blames himself every day over that. he believes that he killed his own mother and during childhood this was probably his main issue. this experience caused him weak sexual indentity. in my hc’s ren wasn’t sure about what he felt for masato, and i’m even sure the games hint there was something going between them, or at lleaast coming from ren’s side. ren fixates on women, but he is aactually looking for a motherly figure, and what did we get? yeah, seira, who physically looks a lot like renge. not getting over his oedipus complex made him confused about what he really wanted. did he want a man or a woman? did he want love or sex? is someone going to love him someday? that’s the reason of why ren is so afraid of love. if he never got a mother and his father despised him, could someone like him be loved? or even worse, was he able to love someone?

ren didn’t go through his other stages in a successful way reason why he couldn’t reach the self-realization jung talks about. because of his anal fixation, ren is forced to control his own emotions, he thinks that he shouldn’t show them and he ends up being extremely introverted with his issues. besides, the lack of renge’s figure by his side, actually made him who is right now. if renge was alive, ren would be a whole new character.

#seixn #metsitta #( answered. )#( headcanon. )#( character analysis. )#OH WOW THIS IS FUCKING LONG

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proserpine-in-phases · 6 years ago

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@nachttour tagged me in a writing question thing!

1) is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?

uh yeah there’s like, several. some of them are better developed than other but a lot of the reason I’ve been holding off on writing them just comes down to feeling inadequate due to my own limited experience with relationships and feelings of complete inadequacy. it’s hard to write an epic romancu when I’m aromantic as fuck and have a hard time conceptualizing what those feelings might be like to experience, for example, or like, I want the story to be funny but I feel like I’m not actually a very funny person?

also I always feel like I need to do more research. I get stuck on the research phase about 85% of the time haha

2) what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

man I am embarrassed by MYSELF existing, so idk probably all of it when you get right down to it

3) what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

it seems to vary a bit. sometimes I just power through start to finish, but sometimes I need to write the ending first to remind myself of what I’m shooting for. sometimes I just gotta write some random scenes in the middle before I forget what they are and have to figure out where they’ll go later.

considering the longest thing I’ve managed to finish comes in at about 12 k I don’t know if I have enough data to really come up with a firm answer for this one though. from what I can tell, it really does seem like I start at the beginning and go for a bit, write the end, and try to connect the two with occasional random middle bits getting written out of order and a general feeling of “I’ll fix it in post” carrying me through

4) favorite character you’ve written

probably Samantha Traynor. she’s such a fucking nerd and I love her. it was surprisingly easy to write for her once I got started. at least I THINK I did a good job writing her, I have no actual idea haha

5) character you were most surprised to end up writing

I’ve written TWO mass effect fics featuring Samara as a main character and I have no idea how this happened or why because she’s about in the middle when it comes to my most to least favorite mass effect characters list

6) something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change now

there’s a couple of fics I wrote for fic exchanges that I kinda wish I could take back and turn into something else because I love the concept but feel guilty about idk, using as a springboard because the original is a gift, or something. it feels ehhhhhhhhh disingenuous to continue them when the gift is supposed to be a singular and self contained unit

for example, oh man I would love to take that vrisrezi space pirates au someplace, but I don’t know if I should because the fic itself is a gift, complete, and so forth.

plus I hate the way I run out of steam about 4 chapters into everything. I would like to not run out of motivation please

7) when asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

considering my output is so low I barely consider myself a writer at all tbh.

but yes, embarrassed. I hope to god the three people I know irl who follow me just like. never see those posts haha

8) favorite genre to write

space adventure! and lately? mysteries even though I have no FUCKING idea why or even how to write them, which is why I have at least three projects stalled out on me haha

9) what, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

I read a lot, mostly. sometimes I stare at a wall. or play minesweeper.

also when I’m doing something fairly mindless sometimes my mind wanders and I hit something.

oh and music. music is great

10) write in silence or with background noise? with people or alone?

I usually need music, mood music preferable, instrumental so the lyrics don’t distract me. generally I prefer to not be around people when I write, though a public setting is also fun to write in. I’m too distractable to actually get any done though, so I usually end up just looking like a tool with their notebook out if I try to write in a coffee shop or whatever tho, haha

11) what aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?

I think writing fanfic has really helped me figure out what it means to write in character. also I think I’m starting to get better at balancing dialogue versus narration? at least a little bit

12) your weaknesses as an author

the inability to actually finish shit.

unwillingness to approach emotions that make me feel uncomfortable.

the fact that I often approach writing a character with the thought of what I would do in a situation rather than what the character would do (which is why writing fanfiction is helping me with that haha)

coming up with plots that lend themselves well to longer stuff

13) your strengths as an author

pretty good at dialogue

when it comes to my own shit, pretty good at coming up with interesting fantasy worlds (I think they’re interesting at least)

I’ve got a pretty firm grasp overall just the nuts and bolts of writing: I mean I tutored English in college for fuck’s sake I know how to write a grammatically correct run on sentence when I want to

14) do you make playlists for your current wips?

not really

15) why did you start writing?

I wanted to know what happened next

16) are there any characters who haunt you?

not really? I mean, there are specific character TYPES that’ll get me every time, though, like the happy go lucky person who has to learn what pain is but still come out the other side a LOT worse for wear but not completely broken (think Tasslehoff Burrfoot, or perhaps less obscure Vash the Stampede) but I wouldn’t say they haunt me, per say

17) if you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?

don’t be afraid to be self indulgent. you’ll enjoy it more and who the fuck cares, anyway? people who’ll make fun of you for doing what you love are ass holes

18) were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they?

If I’m honest I can’t really say what influences my writing style, if I even have one. Mostly all I can do is list off my favorite authors because I’m pretty sure they all have something to do with it.

so let’s just do that I guess. when I was a teenager I tended to find a single author and just read through all their works before moving on, and these are the big ones that stand out:

Connie Willis, Anne McCaffrey, Steven Brust and Ursula K. Le Guin. Connie Willis for the humor she includes in almost all her writing, Anne McCaffrey because I STILL spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about Pern. She had a real skill for coming up with both great characters and great settings, even if what she did with them, and also her inability to keep continuity were less good. Steven Brust introduced me to the idea of relating to morally reprehensible characters at an alarmingly young age. Ursula K. Le Guin, I just love her. No idea if it’s actually done anything GOOD to my writing but she gives me something to aspire to.

I read just. a ridiculous amount of fantasy and science fiction as a kid, the genres as a whole without a doubt influence the type of shit I end up writing. also in seventh grade I mainlined dragonlance, just the whole damn thing

later in college I got really into Margaret Atwood. her focus on female characters and narrative just is really great.

then I went through a depressive phase in my late 20s and just exclusively read Julia Quinn, Joanna Lindsey, Sabrina Jeffreys and Eloisa James, and that was IT. so I’m pretty sure my foray into the romance genre is what makes me honestly prefer povs limited to two or three characters hey, reading romance novels also lead me to the realization that I’m aromantic so \o/ I guess

19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?

I outline and then give up lol

20) do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?

little spurts until something grabs me and makes me marathon. usually that’s a deadline, but sometimes it’s also inspiration

21) what do you think when you read over your older work?

mostly just holy shit I can’t believe I wrote this! sometimes that’s bad, sometimes it’s good. I can’t really tell if I’m good at divorcing myself from my writing enough to give me perspective on it, to tell the truth, because for a good lot of it, I still think it’s pretty good so ???

22) are there any subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?

it’s hard for me to let a character be embarrassed by the dumb shit they do. I don’t want them to do dumb shit because of it, which makes it hard for the character to have shit to grow and learn from.

23) any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing?

I’m pretty sure my own issues with having and experiencing some emotions makes its way into the stuff I choose to write about, especially when it comes to the original stuff (I have. at LEAST three different plot outlines that involve characters literally losing the ability to experience emotions and having to find a way to heal or gain it back haha)

also the fic I wrote about the box ghost is literally just about what it’s like to work in a factory haha

24) have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?

listen.

yes.

I fucking. LOVE. research.

honestly this is the stage where I most often get lost in the weeds, distracted by my own need to know more

25) copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of

“He was not the knight Casey taught him to be, but he was close enough for government work“ remains the single best pun I’ve ever written

tagging: @anthropwashere @inktail @manicpixiesdreamdragon if you guys are up for it!

#meme #writing meme #questions about writing

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