#some of these are copy pasted from a old asks because i couldnt think of better answers ahdfgsdfa | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

indomies · 4 years ago

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#showyourprocess

From planning to posting, share your process for making creative content!

To continue supporting content makers, this tag game is meant to show the entire process of making creative content: this can be for any creation.

RULES — When your work is tagged, show the process of its creation from planning to posting, then tag up to 5 people with a specific link to one of their creative works you’d like to see the process of. Use the tag #showyourprocess so we can find yours!

sabrina @lanwangiji, my love, tagged me to share my process of making this typography edit! check out her explanation of her the untamed edit and her edit tag.

1. PLANNING

i once opened lyrics edit requests so i can learn and practice typography. this edit was a request as well. i asked them which lyrics they wanted to have and the colors they’d like. since i got several requests and it was hard to keep tabs on them, i made a trello board so i could organize everything. i’m still using the trello board for every edit idea i have, the board makes my life easier.

above is what i filled the card in the board with. basically just information of the requests.

1.1 INSPIRATION

once i got the request, my first thought was to find the vibe the song/lyrics exude. “it’s an old curse” screamed witchy vibes to me, so i went to pinterest to find some inspirations. at first i was looking for witchy poster designs and i came across this. i liked how it has smoke-ish graphic and i thought the smoke suited the “old curse” lyrics. and tbh pinterest is a rabbit hole, they gave me suggestions after suggestions, like this and this which became my inspiration for the color palette (i added the gold from those pics) and the sun moon design gave me the idea to incorporate space stuffs too. i somehow landed on this too, and because i wanted to include space theme, i made a simple phases of the moon. ultimately the hero of this edit was the lyrics, i didnt want the graphics took the center stage. i was inspired to make a crystal ball and do this kind of typography but after several trials i couldnt get the the typography right, so i scratched that idea and went with the space theme instead.

1.2 PICKING COLORS

after i was feeling inspired enough, i went looking for the right colors. i usually just type “color name” and “palette” on pinterest. example “dark grey color palette” and i chose the one i liked best. when the request only asked for 1 color, i always searched for either a complimentary or contrasting color to give it a jushz, to add sprinkles. that’s why i added gold on top of the dark grey.

1.3 FINDING FONTS

this is the hardest part. the fonts play important role to the design. they need to convey the vibes of the lyrics, in this case witchy/magic vibe. i needed to find fonts or font just as magical and a bit whimsical. tho i hoard fonts... i like to use new font for every typography edit lmao sue me.

i highly recommend going to creativemarket free goods site, pixelsurplus font freebies and behance to search for fonts. i always use 100% free fonts, that means i can use it personally as well as commercially. creativemarket gives me desktop license for the fonts, which means i can use it for commercial as well. the reason i do this because i want to open an etsy shop someday, and i want to have the right license when i sell my stuffs. i almost never buy fonts bc they are expensive lmao.

the fonts in used are “Vintage” for the main typograpy (i think i was a freebie from creativemarket) and “Morganite” for the title of the lyrics and the name of artist.

2. CREATING

once i have my materials and ideas, i open my illustrator and hope it doesnt crash every 5 min.

for this kind of typography edits, i use 600x700 px. tbh i dont like using 540px, the suggested tumblr size, as the width bc to me it doesn’t look as good in quality, so i up the px. but more on this sizing later. i utilize the artboards function in illustrator, and i use 2 artboards.

i use illustrator (ai) bc i’m working with vectors. when i work with vectors, the graphics/texts or whatever im making in ai wont become blurry or lose its quality when i enlarge or shrink it. in compare to photoshop, i need to make for example the moon graphic very big, so i wont lose the quality when i reduce and enlarge it again. with vector, i can start small and when i expand it, it’s still as good as when it’s tiny.

2.1 GRADIENTS

i started with the gradients first. i created a rectangle as big as 600x700px and with the “freeform gradient” tool in ai, i played with the colors. below is the color palettes i used

2.2 LYRICS AND GRAPHICS

once the gradients are done, i worked with the lyrics and graphics right away. when i first doing this edits, i made typos a lot lmaooooooo. so i copy and pasted the lyrics on top of my artboard, so i wouldnt have any typos.

i had 3 layers in my ai. one for the inspo pics and the OG lyrics. the rest for the edits themselves. i broke up “It's an old curse/dreamers diving headfirst” into to parts, hence the 2 more layers

i almost always started with the lyrics first then the graphics. but for this edit, i made the smoke first so i can layout where my text would be.

tbh the process of making the lyrics is a trial and error. i tried bunch of different stuffs and i chose whatever the best. but i worked like methodically, i made sure i finished the first part of the lyrics first then i could move on.

i was lucky with this font “vintage”. the font offers me several glyphs like these

and i chose the one at the bottom. you’re very lucky if you find a font and they have glyphs.

excursion: glyphs vs fonts

glyph is an individual character. It might be a letter, an accented letter, a ligature, a punctuation mark, a dingbat, etc.

A font is a digital file which is used to display a typeface, which contains the entire upper- and lowercase alphabet as well as punctuation, numbers, and other special characters.

after i was finished with all the lyrics i added some graphics to make the edit pretty like small stars or dots. i added the song title and the artist too, sometimes at the bottom sometimes at the top. and i added my watermark put it as small as i could and made it a bit invisible but still can be seen.

2.3 EXPORTING

exporting! this is where i’m going to go deeper with the dimension of my work. in ai, i always choose to save with “export as screens” function. it automatically divides the artboards i have and save them separately. i always save as png, bc the size is smaller than jpg but can maintain the quality.

now the export tab looks like this

see the formats? i always scale up my edits, 2-3 times the original artboard size. reason is, to maintain the quality. i have tried to save it as original, 600x700 px, but it turned out a bit blurry. bc everything in ai is vector, when i scale up it doesnt lose the quality. BUT once i save it as png, it’s not a vector anymore, and when you zoom in until a certain degree it’ll be pixelated. that’s why i always scale up, to avoid it becoming pixelated when it’s just zoomed 1 or 2 times.

2.4 FINAL TOUCH

i opened my photoshop and also pray it won’t crash. import the png of my edits, add some grains/noise. the reason i use photoshop is, the noise filter is way better than in ai. it’s smoother somehow. and then i export my edits.

(i have a timelapse of how i made one of my edits, it’s not this one, but it’ll give you a better visualization. find it HERE

3. POSTING

now the hardest parts are done, we go to posting!

i uploaded the 2 posters on tumblr as photos then i wrote the captions. for this typography edit, i always chose another lyrics that i like from the same song for the caption. i bolded the lyrics, add link to all of my typography gradient edits.

i always use this link to color my caption. i usually choose 3-4 colors, and i took the colors from my edit. but this was not until recently lmao. before i just took a guess and looked for similar colors that match the edit, but then i thought “why didnt i just use the color in the posters lmao”

ok after i have my html code for the caption, i go to this site to replace the “;” with “ “ so tumblr can read the code.

i’m not one who puts their edits in draft, bc i just cant wait to post it. i have to option here, either i post it immediately when the time is right (i usually post between 4-8) or i schedule it, if im finished before 4.

i put all the necessary tags and click post! i am done finally!

i’m tagging:

@thetriangletattoo for this amazing series

@deludedandlostcause for this impressive gif

@half-lightl for this spectacular edit

@gayndrew for this stunning drawing

@thechampagnelovers for this cool collage

@cloudslou for this incredible edit

@heyangels for this incredible edit

#bacotan belle #showyourprocess

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albino-whumpee · 3 years ago

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An old thing 5

First

Continued from here

I´m quite proud of this part. Do you remember the Walmart man? Yeah. More angst and sick fic than whump, but there.

CW// Non Con, Dub Con, NS*W at times, dehumanization, slavery, human trafficking, escape attempt, blood, broken noses, implied death, regain of identity, whump of minors, manhandling, prong collar, past torture, creepy and explosive whumpers, physical and emotional abuse.

Everything will be tagged and if there´s tags to be added, tell me please.

Dimitri was speechless.

“Can you repeat that, please?” He said.

“You’re too close with Kit, we’re gonna send you to a vacation house. Dont worry about Roahn, you will see her when it’s the mounting” Layo said across the table. Kit and Danae were playing outside.

“Im…I…when?” He asked visibly stressed.

“Maybe on saturday. The vacation house is on the other side of the country, next to Sunnyhills Beach, I think you know whose property is it”

Dimitri knew.

His last master before them.

The one who had tried to kill him with the prongs collar.

“His son will be taking good care of you, so you better behave and do as he says understood? He wont accept escapes like us. You know his methods already anyways, you will know whats better for you” He said sipping on his coffee. “Ah, but you’re still ours. If he thinks he is entitled to damage you, He wont see the end of it”

“U-Understood…” Dimitri said still cleaning his plates. He had time. If he hurried up, maybe he could escape tomorrow. While they were on their cocktail party.

“I gotta believe I can do it” He told himself

—

Report came and Dimitri explained how he could the plan for the next day to Kit. How he would take him to that place.

“With Jen and Roahn?”

“Yes with them too” he smiled. “But you gotta tell me if they’re sleeping”

“Master was drinking a lot and Master was already asleep”

“Alright Kit. Ill show you something but you must not say anything ok?”

“Ok!”

He took out the improvised key from a vase and tainted the lock until he opened it.

“You could get out all this time?”

He sighed “No. Only on important moments. Now shhh” he put his finger on his mouth. “Come on Ill get you to your room but silence”

Kit put his lips together and followed him to his room. An spacious yet small little place with only the necessary and some toys. He was relieved he didnt live like them.

Dimitri put him to sleep.

“Goodnight Dimitri see you tomorrow?”

“Goodnight Kit. See you tomorrow” he said as he gave him a kiss on his forehead.

He closed the door silently.

Silent as a mouse, he went to his office. In all those years they had never guessed he had a key. So they had never bothered to lock the office. Dimitri knew perfectly where the copies were, but he knew keeping them would be too evident so he took them and made an improvised and quick copy of them with plaster.

He only needed to wait a few hours for it to harden.

He went as fast as he had gotten in but heard steps and hid quickly.

“Fuck…” Layo’s voice. He was going to the bathroom. And he would pass around the office for that.

Dimitri breathed quickly as he noticed. Was it that way he would end up? He took a stone decoration from a table and was ready to smash it on his head when he heard:

“Master? I can’t sleep!” Kit cried.

“What the…go to bed, Kit” the man said walking towards him.

“I can’t! Tell me a story! please, master!”

“Ugh what a pain is one am…Alright, Alright, coming go to your bed, Ill go take a piss before that…”

Dimitri held tight to the artifact.

“No!! Now!!”

“Argh! What a kid! Ok ok” he heard the door shutting.

Dimitri left the stone on its place and ran quietly to the cell. He closed it again and started working.

At 7 am it was ready. Later, Dimitri was preparing their masters for a full day outside when Layo said:

“Dont try anything funny Ok?” As he was locked up again. He had to hold the urge to laugh on his face.

“Understood”

Kit came running down a few minutes later.

“They’re gone!” He had told him.

Dimitri stood up. With backpacks on hand.

“Its time, Kit”

—

Dimitri got out of the cell and went upstairs. The house was empty. Or so it seemed.

“Kit” Dimitri held the boy’s small shoulders “I need you to go check on the door if there’s somebody. I’ll go get them ok? If theres someone dont scream it” he took the house phone and made it ring pressing a button “you do this and let the phone ring three times. Alright?”

The kid nodded. Dimitri gave him his binoculars back.

“Go see, explorer” he told him before the kid ran off.

He then made a little jump and sprinted towards the stairs. He went to the door where Roahn was and knocked three times. Her voice was husky.

“Dimitri?” She called

“Roahn, it’s me. We’ve gotta go. Now. Can you handle it?” He asked her through the door. A cough.

“Yeah” she said “always”

“We will take you to a doctor. I swear.” He said looking down and putting the keys on.

Roahn had been very sick for weeks. She couldnt give her enough milk and was very weak. Refusing to eat even. Miraculously, Jen was healthier than ever.

Finally the door opened and Roahn had her baby on her skinny arms. Eyebags dark in her face. Yet the light on her eyes were strong. He held her after giving her a hug.

“Lets go” he said as he helped her walk through the house. “Kit is waiting” that line made her sob happily.

“Our baby…” she said looking nowhere

They streamed downstairs, Roahn almost falling at various times due her legs not being able to move correctly. However Dimitri was there to hold her.

When they finally reached the kitchen Kit was waiting for them.

“Nobody on sight!” He said as if he was a sailor.

“Good” Dimitri told him “Kit, help Roahn out a bit would you?” He said putting her down to open the door. Kit sat besides Roahn and asked her if she was Alright to which she responded with a smile. Dimitri held the concrete key on his hand and inhaling deeply he unlocked the door.

The clicking sound of freedom was on his ears as if it was music.

The four of them stepped out of the house to the secondary door. Not before putting coats with hoodies that covered their faces. Then they ran. Quietly, agitatedly, desperately. The four of them reached the door withut problems.

There was no one apparently.

The door was in a vine wall. It was easy to pass through it because the key Dimitri had was a copy of the master key he used to buy groceries.

He held them down for a bit while he opened the door. It was the last thing.

The last.

When he opened the door he saw the street and a fist on his direction. A man in black suit punched him making him fall. Roahn and Kit immediately tried to run away from the man, but Dimitri, even when hazy due the pain, used a close by rock to knock the guy out by hitting his head. The man fell and Dimitri was alert to anybody else coming to try and stop them. But there was no one.

“Roahn!! Kit! Its ok!” He yelled with blood going down his nose. They went out of their hiding spot and went back to Dimitri.

“Are you ok?” Roahn said cleaning the blood off his face and stuffing his nose with tissues.

“Yes, we just need to go now” he told her holding her hand a second.

“Is he dead?” Kit asked without taking his eyes off the fallen man. Blood came out of his ears.

“No” Dimitri answered him taking the kid by his hand and running past the body “he’s just unconscious”

They ran and ran and ran until they were on a plaza with a supermarket and a pharmacy.

They were free.

“Now where?” Roahn asked him visibly tired.

Dimitri took a look at Roahn holding Jen like she was a precious stone. Impressively calm. Kit was amazed by everything he saw.

“Now…we take these off” he told her taking his hands to his neck. Feeling the belt like collar and undoing it. He took it out carefully and slowly. Holding it in his hands, Kit could see clearly the old scars on his neck. It grossed the kid to think about how he got such hideous scars.

Dimitri knelt down to Kit and took his collar off too. Kit felt lighter than usual and couldn’t hold the instinct to touch his now free neck.

Dimitri smiled a bit and ruffled his hair before doing the same to Roahn.

Roahn dropped a tear when she felt that lightness on her neck. They looked at each other’s eyes for a second but Roahn pulled him closer and gave him a kiss on his neck and then on his lips.

“Yikes” said Kit watching them. They looked at the kid and laughed.

“Sorry Kit” Dimitri laughed.

“What about looking around for a place to stay, hun?” Roahn asked sweating cold. “We’re tired and we will need to hide for a bit…” she said.

“You feeling ok, Ro?” He asked him cupping her face with his hands. She nodded slowly “We will take the bus to Keith City, I’ll go buy the tickets and have a doctor check on you there ok?”

“Ok” she said.

Suddenly Jen started revolving and slapping Roahn’s face.

“Hey hey what is it Jen?” She asked her. Kit moving towards her.

“Dont cry Jen! It will be alright!” The kid said.

“Is she hungry?” Dimitri asked. Roahn blushed in embarrassment.

“I cant… feed her. I need some baby milk powder. Do we have some?” She asked Dimitri.

He started to search but it was in vain and he knew it.

“Kit” the kid shoot his head up from trying to comfort the now crying baby “could you tell that man there where could we get an electric chair for Roahn?” He asked signaling a person with a supermarket uniform not that far away.

The kid ran to him and asked him. The man was almost a geezer but his smile was really bright.

“It’s for your mommy there? Is she alright?” He asked Kit.

“Eh…Roahn? I hope so…” the kid said unsettling the man a bit.

“Not your mom? Its your auntie then? You two look alike a lot” he said again pulling the electric chair to the woman.

“We-we do?” Kit said finding himself a question.

“Here it is lady. Everything alright? You look a bit pale ma’am” he said helping her get into the chair.

“Yes, sir” she answered him not conscious of her formality.

The man found the people on his view with a woman with baby on arms crying out loud, the many bags and the very attractive man with tissues on his nose very strange. But it was a walmart. He had seen all kind of people go there. So he just walked away.

They put some of the bags in the electric chair and the others on the package service. Then they entered the market. Dimitri was used to go so he wasn’t as excited as the others. Yet he couldn’t hide his happiness of not feeling that uncomfortable thing on his neck. It was now in the trash. They went through the isles calming the baby with a toy that hypnotized her long enough for them to look at everything. Kit was amazed. Asking questions about this and that. Roahn looked at the pharmacy isle where there should be a doctor with longing. Dimitri didnt notice as he was coming back with baby milk powder on his hands.

In the end they bought a few more things. Like the toy and a magazine for Kit. As well as painkillers. The cashier recognized him and greeted him “Good morning!” Dimitri greeted back. “Is that your family?” The teen asked looking at Kit showing Roahn an article from his magazine.

“Yes” he answered blushing.

“Your kid is very energetic” she remarked.

“He is!” He laughed a bit “excuse me, Lana, where would I get bus tickets? We’re going to Keith City to visit my wife’s sister, but my card doesnt seem to work now…”

“Oh! Here would be fine. Two adults and a kid right?”

Dimitri payed for the bus tickets that would depart in two hours and met Roahn and Kit.

Roahn was a bit uncomfortable to leave the chair, but they got a taxi to the bus station so she didnt have to walk any longer. She was now green.

“Everything alright ma’am?” The taxi driver asked her while Dimitri fed Jen.

“Y-yes, sir. No need to worry. Thank you” she answered.

Kit extended his bag of chips to her.

“Want one Roahn? You dont look good…” He said.

“Im alright Kit. Just tired, that’s all” she ruffled his hair. Kit pulling it down annoyed. “Ill be taking one, though” she said eating a chip slowly.

She rested her head On Dimitri’s shoulder who gave her a kiss on her forehead.

“Im not ok” she mumbled.

“We will get you a doctor there I promise” he whispered to her, giving her a kiss.

The rest of the way Kit talked with the driver asking him questions about his travels.

When they arrived at the bus station, they were good friends.

They got there just in time and went up the bus. It was a four hour ride, but all of them were exhausted and fell asleep as soon as the bus started moving.

Dimitri woke up an hour before getting there.

It was the first time he didn’t have a collar and walked around freely. It had been strange for him to book sits because of his lacking of last name. But he had come up with one last second.

His name was Dimitri Holberg.

Maybe it was made up, but he had an identity now. He wasn’t bee, yellow, dog or dildo.

He was a human being and his name was Dimitri Holberg.

He had a family and a mission to reunite them all.

With determination they arrived at Keith’s city.

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blueberrywonho · 5 years ago

Note

Hi! I absolutely love your blog! I’m a new Monbebe and your blog is one of the first ones I came across. If it isn’t too much to ask, could you maybe do a Shownu scenario where we’re both stuck in quarantine together? Hehe this is also my first time requesting !! Thank you! - anon mar

Notes from the author:

“I’m so glad you enjoy it! Welcome to Monbebeland. We love food, Monsta X, and we hate cucumbers. I’m glad I can help you with your first request (what an honor 😱)!”

•••••••••••••

You curled up on the sofa underneath your favorite flamingo blanket. Outside the sun was out, but so was the wind and the draft could be felt from the open window in your living room.

“Should I shut that?” Shownu appeared from down the hall while taking in your bundled up appearance.

“No leave it open. The Heathgroves just finished mowing their lawn and I like the smell.”

He smirked at your comment while stopping next to you on his way to the kitchen.

“Cute,” he kissed your forehead and released a big sigh. “I was upstairs for thirty minutes and still couldnt find our copy of Titanic. We’ll have to watch something else tonight, I’m sorry.”

“No it’s alright. Thank you for looking. I know it’s a pain to look through all those DVD’s but I prefer wat-”

“You prefer watching them with a physical copy because you like the way it makes you feel,” he smirked again with a honey look in his eyes. “I know baby.”

You smiled up at him and grabbed the bottom of his t-shirt, theatrically dragging his upper half down so he’s eye level with you. You kiss his lips softly.

“I really do appreciate you looking. We’ll watch something else.”

He takes your hand in his and kisses it before heading into the kitchen to start dinner. So far you had both stayed home for roughly three weeks now and had gotten into a routine of passing the chore of cooking off on each other every other day. Tonight was Shownu’s turn to cook and his choice of marinated steak with your favorite sides was on the menu. You rested your head against the cushion and scrolled through your Instagram for a few minutes before the smell of the meat drifted into the living room.

“You know I think Joo might have taken our copy of the movie when he came over last month. Remember? He asked to borrow our Friends discs and I ended up letting him look through everything.”

“What a sneak. You’re never getting those back you know.”

You chuckle to yourself and make your way into the kitchen. The smell is too strong and heavenly to resist sitting in the living room. Shownu stands at the kitchen sink rinsing off the rice for your meal. You position yourself at your small table for just the two of you and snack on the pickled radishes he left in a bowl.

“If you eat those now you’ll complain we don’t have any during dinner,” he eyes you with a raised eyebrow while scolding you.

“I will leave plenty, I promise”.

You continue to watch him cook while your mind wanders. The thoughts that had been circling in your head the night before make their way back, and you decide it’s time to voice them aloud.

“Shownu?”

He grunts his response while turning the meat, and you sigh.

“I don’t know why these thoughts keep popping up into my head randomly. I’m just thinking about what I said earlier, with Jooheon and the movies and everything. When things were normal we’d probably call and lecture him about taking our stuff and eventually he’d saunter back over to return it. We’d all sit around and joke while he pouts and then we’d all laugh.....” Your voice suddenly fails, and your throat feels thick. A rush of fear and a tingle of panic comes over you. You put your hands to your mouth and the tears in your eyes begin to well up. Shownu’s eyes grow wide with concern and he turns around to shut off the stove and set the pan to the side before walking over and pulling a chair up to sit in front of you.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Look at me. What’s the matter?” He brushes a strand of hair out of your eyes and pulls your hands from your mouth. Your lips tremble and your hands begin to shake. He immediately folds them into his own and they become lost in their size and strength.

“This is not...normal anymore. We’ve stayed inside for weeks and every day up until now has felt like some kind of mini vacation but it’s not. That’s sick, right? To think that? To think this is okay when everything out there is going wrong. I mean, we can’t even have our friends come over to drop a movie off. We can’t go shopping without struggling to get what we need as quickly as possible or stop by Needman’s Bakery for croissants and just talk to Betty like we used to. I-” The lump in your throat thickens and you finally lose the battle. Your sobs shake your very core and every tear that spills is a fear and doubt you’ve kept pent up over the last few weeks.

Shownu frowns and gets up from his chair. His hand squeezes yours and he pulls gently, leading you to stand as well. You both walk, hand in hand, to the counter next to your fridge. He turns and grabs your waist delicately and picks your body up with no effort, placing you down on the counter before him. His gaze is filled with concern and sadness at your tears. Placing his hands on either side of your face he presses his lips softly against your temple, before resting his forehead there as well.

“Do you know what I think about when I’m afraid?” He asks you, his voice hushed. You shake your head. “I think about this-”

He reaches over to the fridge sitting beside you both. He removes 3 photos and places them in your lap. Gazing down you see the first photo of you and your sister with various friends at a wine tasting event. The second photo shows Shownu and the boys from their latest tour where they had received their highest stadium capacity yet. The third and final photo showed the two of you, kissing in the very kitchen you were standing in on the day you moved into the house. You smiled as a tear ran down your nose, and Shownu placed his fingers under your chin to lift your gaze up to his.

“I don’t see these as memories, the old days, or the past. I see these as a reminder of what we have to look forward to again when this gets better. These photos are not the end for you, or for me. I promise you, my angel. Right now things will be different. Different but not permanent. Okay?” He cocked his head to the side and studied your face carefully while running his thumb against your cheek. You chuckled.

“I’m just being silly.”

“No, no you’re not. These are valid fears, baby. It’s okay to be afraid. I worry too. Will I be able to tour again? How am I supposed to meet my fans safely? Can I even meet them? When can I see my parents again? I think these thoughts too, but I also think about how good it’s going to feel when I have the answers to those questions.”

Your mind clears and your heart resumes it’s normal pace. You wrap your arms around him suddenly and squeeze tightly. You nestle your head into the crook of his neck and breath a sigh of relief.

“Thank you,” you whisper. He kisses your cheek and pulls back, a smile on his face.

“I’ll finish making dinner. Go and eat your radishes.”

••••••••••••••

#monsta x #monsta x shownu #shownu monsta x #shownu #shownu x reader #shownu x you #shownu scenario #monsta x soft hours #monsta x scenarios #kpop #kpop reactions #monbebe #kpop rp #kpop aesthetic #monbebes #kpop idol #kpop blog #blog

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greatcomettexting2 · 4 years ago

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the thing about the mod steph and mod nero of greatcomettexting is that i never got to parse out how icky they made me feel whenever i drew boundaries but i really want to because i still feel icky about it so ill warm myself some cawfee and do it now

nero talks a lot about how “none of us what REAL callout worthy things hes done!!” but i figure so long as my skins crawling about how obsessed they both were with me then i can risk his constant talk in every new server he joined about how he “has attempted literal actual murder” even if it was just him having an episode in high school and lobbing a brick

mod steph’s already had a huge history of not knowing when to draw boundaries with people and theres a dozen fucking people who can vouch for this because they all stopped talking to her once she started this weird shit. whether it was suicide baiting people into pitying her and listening to her for like all of 2017 or copy pasting other peoples vents to send herself(wild?) in the Vent Channel. clara talks a lot every one or two years about how much shes “changed” but she continually tests these boundaries to fuck around with people and nero isnt better in this respect at all. it felt like sometimes theyd realize something was a boundary for someone and then trigger it on purpose

like. the first and biggest and weirdest thing is that nero and clara would take entire conversations i’d had years ago and roleplay them out WORD FOR WORD in text or on call. sometimes id get uncomfortable with how clearly they remembered each word in the conversation. this wasnt a one off thing, this went on from 2018 to today, and it really really disturbed me, but i had no idea how to talk to either of them about it, because when i did clara would act like she had no clue what i was talking about, and say shit like ““listen jules, i feel like this is one of those instances where you think somethings happening, but it isnt.” the excuse nero used for this was that “ive always thought jules was so cool” but that doesnt explain copying out entire conversations i had that he shouldnt really remember from as early as 2017. it did feel at times like he enjoyed taking on the role of me in these conversations and saying the things i said out loud. this got very very creepy very very fast

that brings me to the next thing which was this. weird obsessive fascination mod steph had with my approval. there is just so much shit. she picked up her other name “clara” from a friend i have named kai who used to go by clara--the reason steph picked this name was because i would gush a lot about kai to her (which made me really happy because clara would have borderline suicidal breakdowns when i talked about my other friends.) she got really really fucking uncomfortable whenever i gave approval to anyone else too and would act like. a petulant child if i couldnt give her compliments she wanted. the most recent example of this was that i complimented someones selfie that wasnt hers she stayed cold to me for two days. i finally decided to ask her what was wrong and she admitted she had felt “kind of bad” when i ignored her selfie and when i asked her why she didnt communicate this to me, she explained she gets kind of “mean when shes high” (she doesnt, she has a bpd break for julesyboy’s approval when shes high.) she would also get super uncomfortable when i expressed attraction to Anyone, (romantic OR platonic) and begin comparing herself to them (why do this) on text and on call. a most memorable recent experience of this was when i explained to her in detail about a guy i like who’d bit his knuckle, and then she posted selfies everywhere of her blushing profusely and. biting her knuckle (and it really really wasnt the same, poor thing, she really did try.) theres dozens upon dozens of examples of this

and i realise that whole paragraph is wild and kind of funny if you think about it in the context of... like, a kid who admires the attention of their friend. but clara and nero would try their hardest all the time to test everyones boundaries to the point where it got way too weird. if nero knew something was specific to someones abuse he’d make sure to push them about it or make posts about how “weak!” it was for people to deal with “x and x.” or if someone were to expressed a self harming behaviour he would jump in w “OMG! LISTEN! I DO THIS TOO!!.” or he would make jokes about him “selling pics! this is just a reminder! :3 happy valentines day!” (same post, all platforms) before three of my friends who were sex workers approached me asking if this was a weird little joke. it really did feel like at times he said things he knew would shock people the most. and it really did feel like at times every time someone said something out of the ordinary he would. go out of his way trying to say he did that too, it wasnt a big deal. “it doesnt matter if youve self harmed yourself a lot, have i talked about how i once attempted murder yet. does that sound too edgy? i know people are scared of me... omg... omg omg.” and like this is all fine because if you hear his tinkly baby voice on call none of this shit is all that scary, no matter how much he talks about “how his friends think hes really really tough” (where are his friends.) but it does get a little weird when you think about how much of my trauma i confided in both of these two only to have nero blow it off, and how much they enjoyed doing that thing where they would roleplay out my conversations from 2017 with nero in the role of saying the things i responded with.

the reason ive typed out this long ass post is bc it literally just made my skin itch a little. it still does. when nero and clara would Do The Thing where they played out jules’ old conversations and . when they would post a lot of selfies with captions like “ahhh i love myself! i promise!” only to see my pictures from 2017 and go “ughh... i was REALLY ugly back then, but i promise im pretty now! clara/nero was ugly too, not gonna lie!” before venting about how they were never satsified w their reflections in the mirror it was weird. when clara would vent every night i didnt compliment like. a fucking selfie of hers. about how Unloved She Truly Was it was weird. like bros i am an abused neet living at home and after im done college im fucking out of here forever... u have nothing to be weirdly obsessed about, and copying out conversations i had with you and things i said to years ago won’t make u love yourself any more

tldr: mods neroratio and stephclara were very microobsessed with my attention and with attention in general to the point where they would literally roleplay being me and act like i was “making things up in my head” when i asked them wtf was wrong. and if you remember them from greatcomettexting and admired them for speaking their truth then like. this is what they were like

#mod worm

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harbinger--of--dawn · 5 years ago

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jotaro bg ideas idfk i just copy pasted this from discord after a 3 am brainrot session read it [mind the tw tags]

jotaro thought time because i cant sleep no matter how hard im trying

clearly jotaro went through some type of major trauma during high school between when we see him in flashback panels and where he is at the start of part three. you just dont have that sort of emotional change w/o trauma

because i have severe brainrot i think perhaps it has something to do with the ocean

ocean life is his spin and has been since he was tiny tiny ofc, but maybe seeing something he holds so dear take from him caused him to become so guarded and afraid-- what im saying is, perhaps he understood what the ocean can take on paper but experienced it personally and couldnt handle it for a very long time

im thinking ! he was likely hanging out and exploring and tried to help a small child who was caught in an undertow and just. couldnt help them

just. a small and physically weak 15 year old jotaro desperately performing cpr on this poor 7 year old. hes barely conscious himself from over exertion and hes swallowed his fair share of seawater but he cant get this kid breathing. theyre in a somewhat secluded area and no one can see these two kids and every time jotaro tries to yell for help more saltwater springs up from his lungs.

someone finds them and jotaro thinks. thank god this poor kid can be helped and there's yelling and sirens and touching and pulling and its terrifyingly overwhelming. it goes into sensory overload almost instantly and after he vomits seawater on a lifeguard he goes into a full on shutdown. holy isnt at the beach-- sadao brought him in his yearly attempt to be a Good Father and hadnt kept a close enough eye. theres no one familiar and this freshman is losing his mind over this kid he fished out and he goes into a shutdown. they cant get him to talk.

jotaros not responding and someone says shock and someone else says "no hes r/tarded cant you see it" and hes too tired to care. his limbs feel like lead and they cart him off to the hospital because his lungs are full of water and hes not looking at them and despite the ableist bystander, this lifeguard is very scared he's in shock. jotaro watches the kid the longest he can but theyre not bringing him to an ambulance. theyre not doing cpr. theyre not doing anything. jotaro coughs up brine and lets himself shutdown entirely

he ends up with a severe case of pneumonia. they had to have him on a ventilator for the water and hes stuck in the hospital for days due to a mix of his shutdown and actual shock. they never tell him what happened to the kid. he doesnt ask. he knows.

holy is at the hospital before sadao is. she got the call first. sadao's phone went to voicemail.

they tell holy they can take him home when he wakes up if the foundation is there. shes worried and begs these doctors to keep him in the hospital a little longer. just a couple more days. they relent. jotaro comes out of shock only to very quickly develop sepsis. its nasty. hes really badly off for a while and. sadao just doesnt show up. he was ‘called for a show’. nothing. just. gone.

jotaro misses a lot of school. hes really badly off. they try and get him into therapy but hes unresponsive. hes stopped caring in class. hes barely there for a very long time and it tears holy up to bits. suzie q n joseph come over to help because its too much. holy gets therapy too. she responds though. jotaro just sits through his sessions, staring at the kids toys. the doctor tells him he can play with them. he tells her that the little boy should be playing instead of him.

hes gone after that. he pieces himself back together but its wrong. hes angry. hes afraid. hes paranoid and certain everything he loves and cares about is going to turn on him. he sees the endless love he put into the sea and the lifeless body it gave back to him and is terrified of putting anything into anything else anymore. terrified of loving, caring. hes afraid of the consequences hes made up for himself.

he lashes out at holy. tells her shes a b/tch and that he hates her. hes keeping her safe. the farther she is the safer. hes terrified of loving loving loving and losing. hes certain the best thing is to never get attached because you will lose it and it will only hurt just that much more.

he doesnt learn. he sees kakyoin in the water tower and the water up to his ankles and feels the salt in his lungs and knows hes drowning again.

#jjba #sdc #jotaro kujo #// drowning #// ableism #// r slur #// child death #tw drowning #tw ableism #tw r slur #tw child death #theres probably more to tag jic but i have no idea whats happening at any time ever so #ask to tag #mine #// b word #jic !

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echolocati0n-art · 5 years ago

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Kingdom Keepers rewritten book 3 review (SPOILERS)

Now, I’m not active on tumblr usually but my twitter is locked and I need to RANT. Before I start, there WILL be major spoilers so proceed with caution.

So to start off, the plot is COMPLETELY different. I get why but I mean in terms of it being on it’s own? It wouldn’t make sense. In the original book, they all get stuck in the syndrome and they have to get out along with finding Wayne. In the rewritten version, they aren’t stuck in the syndrome and it completely throws that out the window. Instead they just have to go to the swords/crosses in epcot but in the end it doesn’t even really explain how they found Wayne? Also HADES? YOURE JOKING ME, DEADASS? (I couldnt stop thinking of percy jackson lmao) THE GOD OF THE UNDERWORLD?? FINN AINT BEATIN HIS ASS FOR SHIT AND ALSO HE WAS LIKE ALL SERIOUS AND STUFF BUT IN THE HERCULES MOVIE HES SUPPOSED TO BE SASSY AND FUN AND BRUH. (Charlene kicked his ass though hell yeah). Also WHY have Willa ask Amanda about Finn? I mean in book 5 she asks Finn about Amanda and YEAH that’s all cool but Willa and Amanda aren’t as close as Finn and Willa? You just don’t ask that out of the blue? The book itself is like half the size of the original and it’s almost sad to see it butchered like this. IT ALSO GOT RID OF ICONIC LINES, THE “TRUST LINE” AND THE “I FELL THROUGH A CHAIR” LIKE YOU JUST DON’T DO THAT. I think there was a big printing error with the book I got because in a few places the pages were fucked up? It ended up working out ok but in the scene where Willa and Amanda are in the ratatouille ride it just says “Were the rats” Charlene said. And she wasnt even there and all I could think about it “were the rats, were the rats, were the rats. We hunt at night we stalk at night, were the rats” and I laughed aloud for a good minute. Also having Mrs. Philby and Mrs. Whitman go and see the fight? I like their dynamic but like, the original did it so much better. It also got rid of a lot of Finn and his moms development. It also got rid of the traitor thing, like BRO THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA. There were also things from the book that felt copy pasted because there were things that the book brought up in the end that didn’t happen in that version? Everything felt less explained and made less sense. I liked some little bits but not a whole lot (The clock bit with Charlene and Jess and the Maybeck-Philby fighting scene was good). I loved the 1st two rewritten books. Small little things made things easier to understand and made the characters stories deeper. But the 3rd rewritten book feels like it just wrecks all of that and I miss the old version. This is just my opinion though! If you like it? Good for you! I know the author isn’t perfect but it felt executed poorly on his part. I had high expectations and I was let down tremendously. I’m sorry if I didn’t explain this well but I hope yall got where I was coming from.

On its own? 6.5/10

With the original? 3/10

Also Ridley got rid of the Willa and Jess Soarin’ scene and THIS IS HOME OF PHOBIC HOW DARE HE GET RID OF THEIR DATE. Anyway Willa x Jess rights and I’ll probably get cancelled for this but Philby is toxic towards Willa and a romantic relationship between them wouldn’t work out. Again just my hot take on things, yall can do whatever you want.

#kingdom keepers

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krpk-remaking · 6 years ago

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Dr Sex Epic Character - maxx @maxxeruz

Leorio Paladinight is easily one of the most underrated hxh characters, both within the fandom, merch and the manga itself, because he really is the most normal out of the main four and i really think he should be appreciated more because hes a great character!

Once again, shoutout to Mags @senritsus for helping with this! Go follow him!!

Im gonna be talking about Leorios Character, where his arc will go, and his connection with Kurapika. This is gonna be a little harder than writing Kurapika meta, since theres (sadly) a lot less Leorio content and we know a lot less about his background but ill try my best! Leorio deserves it.

Reading my Kurapika meta might make this a little more enjoyable, since i touched on Leorios and Kurapikas relationship more in depth there but you can read this post without reading it!

1 . Leorios Personality And His Past

When we first meet Leorio, hes introduced as a stupid, greedy and quick to anger Pervert, not an uncommon trope for a comedic relief character in anime. Those comedic relief characters often lack personality beyond that, a fact that is actually commented on by Kurapika.

But thanks to Kurapika, about seven chapters in, we learn more about Leorio and his motivations and as the manga goes on, it becomes obvious that there is way more to Leorio than just someone whos there for comedic relief.

Leorio grew up in (presumably extreme) poverty, loosing a friend due to their lack of money, motivating him to want to become a doctor whos able to help people for free.

"I'm a simple guy. Figured I'd become a doctor... so I could cure some kid with the same disease, tell his parents they owed me nothing! Me... A doctor! Now there's a joke!! Do you know how much it costs to even try to become a doctor? The mind boggles!! It's always about money! Always!! That's why I want it!"

Knowing this, Leorios character already gains a lot of depth. Sadly, the manga doesnt mention when exactly his friend died but the 2011 Anime follows the manga more closely so ill go with the fact that his friend died when they were younger. Most of Leorios actions can be explained with the guilt he feels over the death of his friend, how useless he often feels and the way his upbringing in poverty affected him, for example at the very beginning, the fight he picks with Kurapika stems from the fact that Kurapika didnt respect him and was acting as if he was better than him.

Leorio absolutely hates feeling like hes at a disadvantage, or like someone is looking down on him, probably due to getting little respect during his childhood due to his poverty. This also just might be the reason for him to constantly dress in a suit, something that rich, important people often wear. He often overplays his pride, puts up a facade and the way he presents himself really just screams overcompensation in so many ways

Here, he gets upset at Killua because he feels disadvantaged once again. This feeling of inferiority is often the reason for the fights Leorio has with Kurapika and in this instance Killua, he absolutely hates being looked down on. The Other reason he fights with someone early on is, because they dont value life in his eyes, for example the old woman who was asking them to choose between two human lives, toying with them per say, and not valuing them.

Leorio values human life, especially those of his friends over everything else and has a strong sense of Morality, since he did acknowledge he was in the wrong and apologized to the old lady.

When Hisoka was playing with the lives of the others during the hunter exam, as well as Leorios and his friends, Leorio got upset once again and, knowing just how powerful Hisoka was attacked him anyways with no regard for his safety.

He mentions “being toyed with” twice, something people do with people they look down on/are stronger than, where Leorios hate of feeling inferior once again comes back to show.

But, While Leorio absolutely hates being regarded worse than everyone, he also dislikes being viewed as someone whos better than everyone and gets very embarassed everytime someone compliments him/shows him positive attention. This is either due to the fact that he isnt used to it, or that he doesnt think he deserves it (note how hes always drawn with an embarassed blush).

Leorio is a very selfless man, whos ready to do everything in his power to help his friends because he doesnt want to ever lose another friend again. During the election arc, he focuses his entire speech around wanting to help Gon and uses his power to call for everyone to try and help Gon,

when Illumi manipulates Killua into killing during the hunter exam arc, Leorio is ready to give up his hunter licence for Killua,

And, being well aware of what Illumi was capable of, refused to let him through the door to protect Gon.

reassured Killua, showing his intense care for his friends (and little kids since Killua had actually not even been that nice to him),

When Killua had to fight against the serial killer, before they knew about his real strength, Leorio assured him that he wouldnt have to fight,

he willingly risked his life and let hundreds of snakes bite him just to warn Kurapika and Gon and to assure their chances of success, and before that tried to disband their team so they could still advance if he failed,

and, without any fear, they couldve sense that, stared down and yelled at the phantom troupe.

Leorio hates feeling useless and despite that, often does. He felt useless when his friend died and thus decided to become a doctor to cope with this guilt, he felt useless when Gon was sick, like his friend, and he couldnt do anything once again and he feels useless when Kurapika wont let him help him and wont let him reach out but despite that he keeps trying, to fight his guilt, to make sure that Kurapika is safe and to do his best to help.

He describes studying to become a doctor as something he does for himself, he doesnt see that notion, becoming a doctor to help people for free, as something selfless that should be admired.

He doesnt see becoming a doctor as something that he should brag with or that people should know. When he first meets Gon and Kurapika he puts up the front of wanting money to buy cars, mansions, wine, etc, all things one usually would want with money, when he really wanted the money to study so he could help people. Leorio thinks hes useless and good for nothing while everyone else fights and he just “selfishly” studies, but hes not useless at all and obviously studying to become a doctor to help the poor isnt something thats selfish at all. Maybe his motivations, to deal with his guilt over losing a friend, are a little selfish but the fact that he even blames himself and that he copes by trying to protect and value life wherever he can show that Leorio himself isnt a selfish person, hes someone whos ready to put his life on the line for his friends and others any day, despite being less reckless than the other three.

He sees Kurapikas quest for revenge as something noble, while he thinks very little of himself. Even during the election arc, after he had come into second and third place multiple times he was still convinced, somehow, that no one was gonna vote for him.

Even Ging a very experienced and talented hunter, though he is a terrible person, thinks highly of Leorio,

even copying the punch he threw at him, which Leorio, as Ging theorizes, mightve developed to get rid of tumors that are unreachable with operation, showing just how smart Leorio really is.

Leorio is someone whos been alone a lot and, while hes the least reckless and best at selfcare out of all four protagonists, had little regard for himself in especially the first arc, where he just kept jumping into dangerous situation. An explanation for that could be, that he had no one to care about and no one that cared about him before he went to take the hunter exam since weve never actually heard about any family he had or has. He could possibly be an orphan, explaining the missing mention of any family and the extreme attachment he has to Gon, Killua and Kurapika.

Him being orphaned would also perfectly fit into hunter x hunters theme of finding new family after losing another, Kurapika losing his entire clan, Gon losing his father, Killua losing his entire family except Alluka since his family is terrible and as good as dead to him and Leorio just never having really had one. So, the reason he becomes a little more responsible in arcs after the hunter exam is probably, that he finally had people to care about again, that also cared about him so now he doesnt feel like no one would miss him if he died anymore.

In short, Leorio, while being extremely selfless, caring, fearless, moral and empathic, thinks very little of himself and often feels useless and selfish. He cares most about the well being of his friends and has deep rooted feelings of guilt about the death of his friend, even though it was out of his control and he doesnt believe that his goal to be a doctor or really just he himself is deserving of any praise.

His wish to be a doctor is a mix of that extreme internalized guilt from “letting” his friend die, his selflessness that just got pushed up by the guilt and the empathy he gained by growing up in poverty and the first hand experience on why exactly free healthcare is needed.

2. Leorios Relationship With Kurapika, His Guilt, And How His Arc Could End

I wont go in depth about them here, since i already have one that multiple times but they truly are so, so important to eachother and are in many ways two sides of the same coin. Both of them have lost people close to them and theyve dealt with it in such different ways. It made Leorio want to protect life and heal people, focusing his nen around helping others (see: the punch he used being something he actually developed to deal with tumors) and it made Kurapika want to destroy life and kill people, taking revenge and destroying himself in the process, mirrored within his nen ability too (as it literally kills him to use emperor time, one hour of his life for every second). So this set-up, combined with the guilt Leorio feels over not being able to help his friend or Gon, combined with how important they are to eachother, combined with how the current arc has the both together on that boat, I feel like it would really make sense for Leorio to finally be able to save someone, furthering his character arc in a very satisfying way and also helping Kurapikas arc, letting him accept help from others and becoming less self destructive.

“Leorio is an unabashedly selfless character who very deliberately centered his life around helping others and the thought that he cant do that with Kurapika is definitely something he tries to take blame for.” (directly quoted from mags @senritsus <3) If something were to happen to Kurapika while Leorio is near and on top of that on doctor duty, where helping people is his only job, i couldnt imagine the guilt Leorio would feel. Hes always been looking out for Kurapika since they became close friends (and maybe the nearest thing to a best friend either had had in years) during the hunter exam and Kurapika did always try to be someone who calmed Leorio and helped him be more rational, though that changed when he began his down spiral after killing his first person and they drifted further apart and Leorio took on the job of calming down Kurapika.

Kurapika calming Leorio VS

Leorio calming Kurapika

Kurapika is in desperate need of saving and having Leorio be that person to save him would be so perfect for both of their arcs.

This arc already set up the tension in their relationship at the very beginning, or atleast before the succession war began and i do believe it has to be resolved (relatively) soon, especially because of this (once again my favorite) panel, showing Leorio as one of the four people Kurapika cares most about.

And, to quote my Kurapika meta post about this panel, Hes thinking about moments where they made him happy/made him care about them, Gon and Killua with their food fight in the park where they cheered him up and Leorio on the phone. Its him calling to check up on Kurapika. Kurapika really did appreciate it so much, even if he doesnt show it, even if he keeps pushing Leorio away. And he does care about them, even if he doesnt want to! The way Leorio expresses care for his friends, which is very vocal and direct, is so good for Kurapika because even if he still cant really believe or accept it, its still something he appreciates, somehow. I am not (!) saying that they will definitely end up with eachother but they are definitely incredibly important to the others character development and i dont think Togashi will forget about that.

If youve read all this, thank you so so much i really appreciate it! Leorio is an incredible Character that deserves more love and i hope everything i wrote here is coherrent!! If i made any mistakes or if you just have any thoughts youd like to share on this topic please send me an ask! <3

#i love leorio: the masterpost #strawberrymeta #leorio paladiknight #hxh #hunter x hunter #leopika

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daysswithyou · 6 years ago

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V. Sungjin - Bet

Characters: Sungjin x You

Genre: enemies to lovers!6

Warning: some cursing and swearing

Credits: @7abshy and @parkjaeins; for helping me figure out how annoying teachers can be

Words: 5k

Description: There is always more than meets the eye

Author’s note: This wraps up the enemies to lovers!6 series :) I hope you’ve enjoyed all 5 of them!

-----

I’m late, I’m late, I’m late, shit!

You repeatedly mouthed the words to yourself under your breath as you squeezed past the throng of people crowding the hallways, occasionally throwing an apology across your shoulder if you bumped into someone. Opting to not take the front entrance into the lecture hall, you ran up flights of stairs to reach the back entrance. By the time you reached the top, you were gasping for breath, your thighs were burning and you could feel the first beads of sweat roll down your back. Slipping through the crack of the heavy wooden door, you settled into the closest empty seat, trying to steady your breathing as your pants became too loud within the enclosed space.

Deep breaths Y/N, deep breaths...

You internally heaved a sigh of relief when you saw the empty podium in front, glad that your professor for this class will not have a bad impression of you.

But your relief was short-lived as the booming voice right next to you soon commanded for attention.

“Alright let’s get started, now that the last student is here.”

As he walks down the flight of stairs to reach the podium, it gives you enough time to observe the authoritative figure. His black leather jacket and ripped black jeans made him look exceptionally tough, and you swore you saw some male students flinch when he walked past them. His hair, which was the colour of warm chocolate, was too long and brushed against his eyelids.

He looks like a model that has just stepped out of a Harley Davidson advertisement.

But you mentally berated yourself for the inappropriate thought, and proceeded to haul it out of the window.

When he stepped onto the podium, he surveyed the whole room before starting again.

“Good morning. My name is Park Sungjin and I’ll be your TA for this semester and for this class.”

Ah, so this was the legendary Park Sungjin that you had heard so much about during your first semester. He was famous for being the top student of the graduating batch, with an impeccable portfolio to match. Apparently, he’s so good to the point that many companies and graduate schools have offered him a place amongst them. But, he is also notorious for being a tough TA and everyone’s advice was to just stay away from his bad side if you ever had the fortune (or misfortune) of being in his classes.

All you wanted was to pass this class peacefully so you made it your goal to not cross the line.

However, when he opens his mouth to give the next set of instructions, you knew that you were already on the wrong side of the line.

“So now, if you’re ready Ms Y/N, I’ll begin with the introduction on the topic.” Giving you one last hard glance, he turned to face the screen. Everyone else was furiously copying down notes, but not you.

He said my name, he knows who I am. I’ve been singled out.

It felt like someone had just passed you the death sentence.

A week passed by uneventfully and you tried your best to not attract attention to yourself in class. You were on time, and you were attentive in class. You never gave Sungjin trouble – or Mr Park, as you know him by now. Yet, such tactics did not work on him. You knew that you had his full attention when he stares at you from the front as he is giving lectures, even if you’re sitting in a last row. He’ll always linger a little longer behind you as write answers to the mini quizzes in class. You made the mistake of looking up at him once, and you nearly combusted under his hard gaze. What’s worse is that you can’t decide if he approves or disapproves of your work. Perhaps that was the most agonising part.

Today was no different. After handing up your papers for the quiz to the front, you attempted to slip away with the crowd but you just couldn’t slip past Park Sungjin’s attention.

“Y/N, could I have a word with you?”

You halted in your steps, his monotone voice sending chills down your spine.

Why me��

Squeezing your eyes shut and taking in a shaky breath, you turned around to face him before walking in his direction. Your steps were a little too hesitant and you were obviously clutching onto your bag too tightly because this was the first thing that Sungjin said when you finally stood in front of him.

“You can loosen your grip on your bag strap, your knuckles are turning white.”

“O-o-oh. It’s a habit, sorry.”

“What time do your lessons end today, Y/N?”

“6pm. My last lesson is Introduction to Psychology.”

“Good. Meet me at Conference Room 2 of the Social Sciences block, 6.30pm sharp.”

“Yes. Anything else…?”

“That’s all. You may go now.”

Giving Sungjin a curt bow, you scurried out of the lecture hall as fast as you could, dreading the time when you had to see him again.

6.30pm came too early for your liking, and you soon found yourself face to face with Sungjin once more. A thick stack of papers were sitting by the corner of the table beside him and you knew immediately.

“I’m here to grade papers?”

“More or less; I’ll be giving the final grade and you can help me critique.”

You simply nodded before assuming the seat in front of him.

The next time you looked up, your neck popped up with a loud crack and the clock read 12am. Sungjin kept you thoroughly occupied for the past few hours, papers being presented to you in a systematic manner. You’ve said more words to him a few hours than you’ve said to all your professors combined last semester. While disguised as ‘extra exposure’ for you, deep down you knew that this was Sungjin’s special torture method – and you finally understood what others meant by getting on his bad side.

But the torture didn’t end there.

“Y/N, don’t forget that we have an assignment due the next day. Oh, and don’t be late. See you tomorrow.”

Everything sounds really innocent but you knew what Sungjin really meant was “Don’t mess up tomorrow Y/N.”

You wanted to let out a sigh of frustration but instead you swallowed it and merely replied with a spritely “Yes” before leaving the office.

And this went on for months. Every single time Sungjin gave your class a quiz, you would find yourself in the conference room with him grading papers; sometimes at the expense of your own work. It gradually extended to grading papers from his other classes, but never once did you complain. You knew better than to argue with teachers, much less Sungjin. Every time he looks at you, your words die in your throat; how on earth were you supposed to hold an argument with him? But, of course, when you were back in the comfort of your dorm, which was when you were cursing and swearing at him. At one point in time, your roommate almost called an exorcist, thoroughly freaked out by the way you were flaying your limbs in the air as you continued screaming in frustration.

Needless to say, the late nights left with less sleep, and little energy to pay attention. You were up till 4am last night (or should you say morning), rushing out assignments due today for 2 different classes. You had burst into Sungjin’s lecture hall a good 20 minutes late but in your state, you didn’t care anymore. As usual, you settled into the closest seat you could find, one hand combing through the tangles in your hair, the other rummaging through your bag for your lesson materials. But you were so thoroughly exhausted that you fell asleep 10 minutes later, you pen stopping midway across your paper.

The next time you regain consciousness was when Sungjin’s voice calling your name rang through the speakers.

“So, Ms Y/N, what do you think of the question I just raised?”

You awoke with a start and you scattered your stationary across the floor in the process. You could hear the whole hall snickering at your blunder; save for the few kids sitting around you that helped you pick up your stray pens.

What was the question even? That was the most urgent question for you to answer. You shot a hard look at Sungjin, one that said, “How dare you call me when I’m in this state because of YOU.”

You were sure that he understood your gaze, but he merely raised an eyebrow, as he always did. It was the one that you recognised as “Go on, I’m waiting for your answer.” You knew that there was no way out of this except to answer his question. Panicking, you stared at the last word you wrote in your notebook before rattling off.

“The most famous poem from the Old English period, widely recognised by most is Beowulf. And for – ”

“Oh Ms Y/N, I didn’t know that Scandinavians spoke Old English in the late 10th century. Clearly, someone needs to keep her eyes and ears open. Also, I asked for your opinion, not of those from the 10th century.”

From beneath his long locks, Sungjin gave you a mischievous glint and smirked at you as the entire hall erupted into raucous laughter. Everyone was laughing, except you. Everyone found this funny, except you. Everyone was in a good mood, but you were livid.

How.fucking.dare.you.Park.fucking.Sungjin. I’m suffering in class now because of all your stupid “extra exposure” work after school. Yet you purposely picked on me to answer your question, knowing full well that I can’t. Why do you like picking on me so much? Why do you like embarrassing me in class so much? WHY PARK SUNGJIN!!!

You might have felt better if you actually said it out loud, but you didn’t. You just kept repeating this thought to yourself like a mantra until the end of the lesson.

It’s ok Y/N, just another 30mins of sitting in this hall and looking at his face. Afterwards you can leave and get yourself some ice cream to make yourself feel better. Yes, that’s right… everything is going to be ok Y/N...

But that day, things were not ok and you left the hall in a foul mood. For the final project of the year, you were paired up with Song Jihyo, the girl in class that was notorious for not doing her work.

Its official, Park Sungjin hates me and wants me to burn in Hell. That day, your whole body ached at the thought of more late nights and instead of eating your ice cream, you remembered hurling it at an innocent, nearby tree.

Everything that you thought would happen did happen. It’s as the saying goes, “Everything that can go wrong will go wrong.” And in this case, you were helpless against its happening. The only time that you talked to Jihyo was deciding on the thesis and after that, she was virtually uncontactable. You eventually gave up trying to arrange a time to meet to do up the thesis; you merely assigned her parts – which, to be fair, she did do. But they were of such poor quality you ended up deleting most of it and redoing it yourself. But no matter how hard you tried, nothing seemed fresh and you decided to bite the bullet and ask for help.

Lucky for you, Mr Kim was in class today and you immediately ran to him for help.

“Good morning Mr Kim. I have some questions about the final project thesis, is it alright if I ask a few questions?”

“Ah Y/N aren’t you? I’ve heard so much about you from Sungjin! I’ll be glad to help, let me take a look.”

Eagerly, you showed him what you had done so far and when he smiled, you felt a small smile creep onto your face, silently happy that you had gained his approval. But soon, the smile was wiped off your face.

“First of all, an excellent thesis choice, I must say. I remember Sungjin doing something similar for my class 3 years ago, why don’t you ask him for help? He is in a better position to help than I am.”

“Yes sir, I’ll ask Sung- I mean, Mr Park. Yes, I’ll ask Mr Park for advice. Thank you.”

With a light pat on your shoulder, he left you alone and when you turned, you found Park Sungjin standing right in front of you.

“I heard you need help?”

“Yes...” You hated it; you hated having to admit that you needed help from Park Sungjin.

“Hand it over.”

Reluctantly, you passed him your phone and turned to the side, not wanting to see his face further.

When he finally passed back the phone to you, you didn’t feel any more enlightened.

“You can do better than this.”

“What do you mean? That isn’t helpful!”

“That’s all I have to say. You know what to do, so do it.”

“I don’t! I don’t know what to do, which is why I’m asking for help!”

“Then sit down and figure it out.”

So that’s how it’s going to be – you won’t give me a consultation when I need it the most. Fine.

But that was not what you said. You said this instead, “Ok, I’ll figure it out.”

From then onwards, without help from anyone, you trudged through the group thesis yourself. This was on top of the individual thesis that each of you had to prepare for. You were literally typing so much (or rather, punching) your keyboard so hard that one of the keys fell out and you had to send your laptop for repairs. Not only was school draining your sanity, it was also draining your money. Due to the delay in repairing your laptop, you were left with a week to finish half of your thesis.

The outcome: later nights and heavier eye bags. By now, you were too tired to curse and swear at Sungjin for the terrible grouping since it was already taking insane willpower from you to even show up in class. You merely bottled up your indignation, and kept working to avoid thinking about it. After placing the stack of papers in Sungjin’s letter tray, you went back to your dorm and crashed for 12 hours straight.

This signalled the start of your 1 week break, and one week of not seeing Park Sungjin.

Thank goodness.

The next time you saw Park Sungjin, you were glad that it was the last time that you would have to see him. After all the torture he had put you through for the past semester, you were glad that you’ll be done with him now.

Yet, as always, Park Sungjin manages to make your life a living hell till the end.

Group Thesis: C

Individual Thesis: E

Overall: D

Comments for Individual Thesis: Clear presentation of key ideas and mostly factually correct. Choice of thesis could be better.

Signed: Park Sungjin

Choice of thesis could be better. Park Sungjin failed me, just because he didn’t like my topic.

You were brought out from your shock by a large shove from behind. Whipping around, you found a smiley Jihyo in front of you and her next words made you want to punch her in her perfect little teeth.

“Thank you for helping me pass the class Y/N! How much did you get?”

Without your consent, she ripped your papers from your hands before handing them back to you with a frown.

“That’s odd; we had the same choice of individual thesis, why did you do worse?” But Jihyo had no time to contemplate on the answer to her question when she was dragged away by her friends to celebrate their good grades.

I can tolerate everything that Park Sungjin has put me through, but not this.

Running up to Sungjin, you stopped him from leaving before asking to see him.

“Do you have time now?”

“Yes. What is this about?”

“This is about my thesis, can we talk somewhere else?”

“Conference Room 2 of the Social Sciences building in 10 minutes, I need to talk to Mr Kim first.”

“Ok.”

You were going to clear this once and for all.

“So, what is it about your thesis, Y/N?”

“You failed me just because you didn’t like my topic, didn’t you?”

You’ve rehearsed this part many times in your head and this wasn’t how it was supposed to sound like. It was supposed to sound polite and less accusatory, but fuck that. You wanted answers, and if you had to demand it from him, you will.

“Yes, I did. What’s the issue with it?”

“It’s not fair.”

“Nothing is fair in this world Y/N; I thought you’d know that by now.”

“Yes, I do know that. But what you’re doing is not only unfair, but also downright discriminatory.”

“How so?”

“Jihyo told me that we both had the same choice of thesis, and I got and E and she got a B. My grades are clearly a personal attack against my character. You never liked me from the start, I get it. But it’s wrong to simply disregard my entire thesis because you didn’t like the topic! What is wrong with this topic? It’s within the list of topics that you’ve given us, I met the word count, I met deadlines. I did everything!”

“And I’m supposed to give you a A for that?”

"I’m not saying you have to give me an A for it. I'm just trying to prove the fact that – " "A fact is already a fact, you don't have to prove it." "God damn it Sungjin! Would you just lay off me for a second? Would it kill for you to not correct my grammar for once? Would it kill you to not pick on me for one second?" "It's Mr Park, for you. It still is. And no, I won't lay off your grammar – you are an English language major that has taken my class, there is no way that I'm allowing you to continue to speak with bad grammar." "I hate you." "That can technically count as swearing at a teacher. Are you testing my patience?" "No. I'm just saying that it's not fair for you to give me a bad grade just because you did not like my choice of thesis. That's just being biased." "I'm not changing your grade." "I can't fail this module Sungjin! I need to pass this module to go for the Advanced English module. Yes, it's not a perfect thesis but I don't deserve to fail for this!" "Welcome to the real world Y/N." "I hate you Sungjin. I really fucking do." You pick up your bag and slam the door on your way out. That night, for the first time, you cried. And you hated the fact that you were crying over stupid Park Sungjin.

The next day, you awoke with puffy eyes but nonetheless, you showed up for lessons. You nearly bumped into Sungjin on your way to Psychology but you immediately detoured. You couldn’t get close to him – you might just punch him and be charged for assaulting a teacher.

That evening, you had just ended lessons when your phone buzzed and Sungjin’s name lit up on your screen.

Mr Park: You have another chance to redo your thesis and not fail the class. Deadline is January 20th, 2 weeks from now. Papers in my tray at 6pm sharp; don’t be late for the submission.

You swiped his notification away quickly, but you remembered the words and that night, you began sourcing for more ideas for your individual thesis.

For the next 3 days, Sungjin just wouldn’t leave you alone. Your phone buzzed with his name every now and then, and he was so distracting that you nearly wanted to block his number.

Mr Park: Are you going to resubmit your thesis?

Mr Park: Have you chosen a thesis yet?

Mr Park: What is your choice of thesis? How many words in?

Mr Park: Do you need help? Just drop me a message; I can help you check your thesis.

Help me with my thesis? Is he playing saint now? As if I’m going to accept help from him.

As you turned your attention back to your screen, you found that a shadow has fallen in front of your laptop. You found yourself staring at a pair of familiar, battered, black Converse and looking up only confirmed your suspicions. The man was here in person – Park Sungjin.

“Why aren’t you replying my messages?”

Why must I hold myself accountable to you? Buzz off.

You continued typing, completely ignoring Sungjin. You heard him sigh before inviting himself to sit in front of you.

“Y/N, what is your thesis? Hey, answer me. I came all the way down here to find you.”

“You came here voluntarily, I didn’t ask for your help. You can leave.”

“You’re still angry at me?”

Of course I am, you asshole. You’re just asking the obvious.

With each thought, you punched the keys on your keyboard harder.

“Stop typing so hard, you’ll spoil your keyboard. Working in spite is not going to produce quality work Y/N.”

Without your consent, he lifted your laptop into the air and onto his lap and scrolled through your entire document for 15 minutes. Passing it back to you with a smile, you stared at him in shock for 5 minutes.

Park Sungjin never smiles; did he just smile at me?

“You did it.”

“What did I do?”

“You figured it out. This was the choice of thesis I wanted you to choose in the very first place. Furthermore, you’ve chosen the correct area to focus on.”

“Thank you… I thought…”

“What did you think about?”

“I thought I might not be on the right track. But your words makes me feel a little more reassured now.”

“Well, I’ll leave you alone now.”

Park Sungjin then took his leave, but he was lying when he said he’ll leave you alone. He never did. Till the submission deadline, he visited you every alternate day.

As expected, you got an A for your individual thesis.

When you got an email from Mr Kim saying that he wanted to meet you, you thought you were doomed; most likely a disciplinary case on your head after what you said to Sungjin. But turns out, it was an interview for the Advanced English course, and they passed you immediately. When you walked out of the room still stunned that that you had entered the course of your choice, you found Sungjin waiting outside for you, almost like he knew you were going to be there.

“They passed you didn’t they?”

“Huh?”

Hearing his voice reminded you of what Mr.Kim said to you just now:

“We’ve received high commendations of you, Ms Y/N. All the professors pushed for your recommendation into the course, and Sungjin, especially. He was the first one to mention offering you a place in the course. He spoke of your remarkable working attitude.”

“May I ask something?”

“Yes, anything at all.”

“What exactly did Mr Park say about me?”

“He mentioned that you work well even under immense stress and long hours, catching up really fast even if you fell behind. But, most importantly, he spoke of your willingness to try again after failure. That is the most important quality that we are looking out for: tenacity. We have no doubt that you’ll be a suitable candidate to enter this demanding course. We would love to offer you a place, should you choose to accept.”

“I would love to, thank you. Thank you to the faculty and professors for having me.”

Sungjin hates me, why would be recommend me for the course?

“Follow me.”

Taking him by the wrist, you dragged Sungjin all the way to the bridge in the school park before letting him go.

“What’s with the rush, Y/N?”

Hands on your hips, you turned to face Sungjin with wide eyes, your lips set firmly in a thin line.

“I don’t understand you Sungjin. First, you torture me in lessons by making me so many extra work and now you’re putting in good words for me and recommending me for my dream course? Did you suddenly decide that you like me more now overnight?”

“Ah, so they told you everything I said. Mr Kim promised to not tell, I should have known he wouldn’t keep to it.”

“You’re still not answering my questions.”

“I’m getting there. First of all, that extra work was not torture, they were a test. I loaded you with many things to see how much you can handle before you snapped but thankfully and luckily for me, you never did.”

“I did silently curse and swear at you.”

“That is a given. But you didn’t say it out loud, so it doesn’t count. You’ve proven to – ”

“To be able to work well under immense pressure and long hours.”

“Yes. That is an important quality for taking any Advanced courses. I took the same course with the same professors that you’ll be having so I know how intense it was. I had to put you under pressure to see if my bet was correct.”

“I was your bet?”

“Yes, I was betting on you all along. You have great potential.”

“Thank you.”

“Oh? I thought someone hated me before.”

“Like you said, that was before. I don’t anymore. What you put me through was tough, but they did teach me more about myself and my limits. So, thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now that I’ve managed to help you get a place in your course, I think it’s time to return the favour?”

“What’s your proposal?”

“Come to my graduation ceremony next spring. It’s in April.”

“Ok. That’s all?”

“That’s all for now.”

But when a soft smile lights up Sungjin’s face, you knew there was more in store for the both of you in time to come.

April 20th

You had come early to get front row seats and as you watch Sungjin give a speech representing the graduating batch, your heart swells with pride. You’ve seen him work very hard for the past one semester and to see him being handed his graduation certificate made you feel like all his efforts paid off.

You were the last to greet Sungjin because there was simply too many people crowding around him. You watch from afar and you giggle when you see Sungjin frantically asking Kang Younghyun if he’s seen you around. He does this thing where his eyes grow big like saucers, so big that you thought they were going to pop out of their sockets. You could also hear the fear in his voice – he speaks a little faster and slips into the Busan dialect. So when you greet him by gently tapping him on the shoulder, he whips around so fast the wind nearly knocked you over. But when you see his facial expression melt from one of worry into one of happiness, you nearly melt into a puddle there and then. You’d given anything to see those sparkly eyes and sweet smile.

“Ah finally you’re here Y/N! I saw you in the front row just now but then afterwards I didn’t so I was worried that you left but I haven’t got a photo with you yet. I was so sad because I haven’t asked you my question yet – ”

“Calm down Sungjin! I’m here now right? Also, happy graduation! I got this for you.”

Proudly, you hold up the bear plushie you had custom made for him, decked out in the exact same graduation gown that he had on right now.

“It looks like you, right? I named him Bang!”

“Why Bang?”

“Because you always say goodbye in a very cute manner and Bang seems like a cute name to capture that cuteness. Also, I gave him eyelashes! When you observe the details, he really looks like you right?”

When Sungjin finally notices the eyelashes, he bursts out laughing and you swore your heart nearly stopped. When he finally stopped laughing and took over the bear from you, he finally remembered the question he wanted to ask you.

“Y/N- ah…”

“Yes?”

“If I ask you out…will you say yes?”

Just to tease him a little, you decided to look up at the sky, and contemplate your answer for a little while.

“I don’t know…maybe?”

“You can’t do this to me! I waited so long to ask you this question!”

“Why did you wait so long then?”

“I had to wait till I graduated. It wouldn’t be right for a teacher to ask his student out right?”

“That’s true…but I still don’t know if I’d go out with you. How about we make a bet?”

“With what?”

“With a coin. You flip a coin and I’ll decide. Which side are you confident of getting?”

“Heads, I always flip a head.”

“Ok, go ahead then. Heads for I’ll go out with Park Sungjin and tails for…”

With utmost concentration, Sungjin flips the coin and slams his palm over it when it lands. Opening his palm, his face immediately becomes crestfallen: staring back at him was a tail.

But you haven’t finished your sentence yet.

“Tails for…I’ll still go out with you anyways!” you said, as you gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

“Really? You would?”

“Ask any more questions and I’ll reconsider.”

“Ok, ok I won’t ask any more questions! What do you want to eat?”

“Fried chicken!”

“Oh, I was betting that you’ll say fried chicken!”

“Betting on fried chicken is great Park Sungjin, but I'm betting on something else now.”

Sungjin turns to look at you and he says, "So, what are you betting on now?"

"I'm betting that you'll give me a kiss."

"Really? How are you so sure?"

"I know you Park Sungjin, I know you'll do it. So, am I getting a kiss or not?"

Without another word, Sungjin closes the space between the both of you, so close that if either moved, your lips would touch. You closed your eyes and waited for the impact, but instead you felt something soft press into your forehead and you immediately smiled.

"Not where I was expecting, but ok Sungjin."

"I'm saving the best for the last."

"I'm holding you accountable for that statement."

"You can bet your life on it that I'll fulfill it."

Not only was he your best bet, he was your favourite bet too.

#day6writersnet #day6 imagines #day6 scenarios #day6 sungjin imagines #day6 sungjin scenarios #day6 #day6 sungjin #sungjin #park sungjin #enemies to lovers #enemies to lovers au #college au #angst #fluff

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scbines · 6 years ago

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WORD okay what up i’m ally, i’m twenty1, i use she/her pronouns, my timezone is est & small disclaimer: i don’t know what the fuck i’m doing, okay!! just keep that in mind when you .. go to read this complete shit storm okay i’m Trying.. anywhen! i may or may not have uhhh copied & pasted the majority of this from the last time i played her but.. that’s neither her nor there, tbh! if u wanna plot, feel free to hmu on discord at [mournful bagpipe music]#2581 or yk use the lil chat thing on tumblr if u aint got discord bhvfjn. MOVING ON..

cw: alcohol, neglect, sex ( & i think that’s it, folks! )

sab’s pinterest: here!

( sofia carson, cisfemale ) did you hear how SABINE VALDEZ is applying to columbia university as a PHILOSOPHY major ?! the TWENTY-ONE year old is living in the WATT HALL. i heard that they got in because they are +MAGNETIC and +INTREPID, but honestly i think SHE can be -FLIGHTY and -VOLATILE. they’re a real CATACLYSM. oh well, only time will tell if the JUNIOR will make it til the end.

imma just dive right in cos idk how else to go about it bgvjn

sabine grew up w/ a single mom in Detroit & they were basically skating the line between lower class and poverty, meaning they had like a proper house, but they were definitely behind on mortgage always and living paycheck to paycheck :// like when they went grocery shopping & sab would put anything but the basics in the cart her mom would look at her like ‘that’s a joke, right?’ and never could afford like birthday/christmas presents or cake or anything rip ( honestly not that sab’s mom gave enough a shit to even notice smh ) ! so everything was always a little .. hectic ig ? her mom couldnt ever relax unless she was blackout drunk so uhh that’s p much that on that sighs

even worse?? when sab was about eleven her mom got injured at work ( dont ask me How cos i have? no idea hibgfnjd i’ll flesh it out at some point.. maybe .. probably not.. ) so she and sab lived on disability checks and whatever small money sab could make helping her neighbors with like yard work/babysitting/shit like that until she was old enough to get a real job smh meaning she’s been working as long as she can remember god im exhausted just typing it

this basically left sab to raise herself, which .. most likely left her better off than if her mom paid her more attention tbh? cos her mom is selfish and doesnt care about anything but the next drink & the next man she’ll be inviting home smh !! the whole thing w/ her mom is that she Never Wanted kids but it wasn’t an option to abort or give sab up for adoption so she was Stuck raising a kid she never wanted .. truly .. rip ..

that said, sab’s mom was .. promiscuous to say the least .. all thru sab’s childhood there were countless nameless men in and out of their lives ranging from a day to a few weeks at most SIGHS anyways this of course led to sab having a seriously warped idea of what a healthy relationship is HELLO hvicnjm it’s super flawed to the point where she thinks the height of healthy relationship goals is to be exclusive for more than a few weeks smfh its wild tbh .. romance? dont know her! love? WHOMST? to sabine, there’s no point in bothering to rely or care for someone else because you’ll just end up disappointed so she ? keeps her distance for the most part.. relying Solely on herself cos thats the only person who wont let her down ( while also suffering from deeply rooted self-hatred? wow .. legends only .. )

anyways !! she Hated detroit like nobody’s business and always wanted nothing more than to Get Away from the toxicity of her home life and the suffocation of being the caregiver for a woman who will hardly get out of her bed gtg !!! so this led to her putting all her focus into after school jobs and making sure she was the top of her class At All Times like .. shes always been super determined and goal oriented but to a fault if that makes sense. she will work her ass off when given reason to, but once she’s accomplished that goal, she feels absolutely aimless sighs

bitch had .. like 3 jobs in hs and applied to a dozen schools, all of them at least 100 miles from detroit like Word ! she applied to columbia on a whim not thinking she’d get in but when she got that acceptance letter you can bet ur ass the bitch was Outta There!!

getting here tho … she isnt sure what to do next ihbvfcnj she never thought as far as majors and actually choosing what to do with the rest of her life so she?????? is undetermined about p much everything hgvifncjd but philosophy seems like the cop out she’s been looking for lmao !!!

anyways she works at a shitty diner not too far from campus like almost every day after classes but on weekends she COUGHS strips across town hibvfncj HA didnt see that coming did ya smh hibfnjd but!! she does it across town cos she lk wants it to stay a secret like she doesnt need to kick a frat boy’s ass for making shitty comments now does she??? but i mean .. its not something she’s ashamed of, she’s just Not Interested in having people she hates talk shit and slut shame ygm??

being so busy all the time, she doesn’t really have time for any school activities but she’s down for a party at any time ( esp if its like themed hbifnjd she loves a costume ) and uhh dtf too lbr shes v in touch w/ her sexuality #freethenipple ( does she even own a single bra?? we just don’t know! )

THAT SAID !! she doesnt correlate sex with like .. emotions?? cos shes never seen them in a situation where they’re mutually exclusive rip :// this led to her thinking people only ever Wanted Something from her be it her body or like a chance to put her down to feel better abt themselves smh ! she isnt a generally violent person but if it’s the latter she’s more likely to throw a few choice words in ur direction hvifcnj

generally, sab’s p much just ur Stressed Out Scholarship Student just trying to graduate so her life isnt a fucking trainwreck like her mom’s! she’s desperate for both human affection and adventure, so offer her one, the other or both and her heart is yours tbh! as much as she’ll pretend its not lmao !!1!1!!!!

anywhomst i cannot for the life of me think of anything else to type her atm since im??? garbage???? but !! mssg me if u wanna plot smthn out fam since uhh sab having friends??? sounds like a pipe dream tbh and im desperate for it lol!

#☆ — ❛ ooc. ❜#columbiaintro #this is embarrassing i can do better #but here we are ..

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silverjirachi · 6 years ago

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a tour of the abandoned mall i went to

There aren’t many opportunities to explore an abandoned mall safely and legally, but ohio is a wasteland, so sometimes that’s exactly what you get to do.

There are currently only 3 stores open. But they’re spread far apart enough that the whole mall is still open for anyone to wander through. I honestly think they might keep it open just for wanderers like myself. I wasn’t the only one aimlessly milling about the halls, but it sure was empty regardless. It’s like walking through a shell or a skeleton of a different time. Like a fossil, but with ghosts.

Walking in, this is the first thing you see. There used to be an arcade/kids play area (similar to chuck e cheese) just to my left out of the frame. While all the doors seem to be open for access, we went in through a Kohl’s just to be safe. We were both kind of surprised that we could just kind of.. walk out. A vending machine to the.left still worked.

This was.. inside the mall in a store. There were a lot of places like this. There were no police, and there was no police training while we were there.

This is in the center of the main strip, where all the corridors (eerily called “Neighborhoods” and “Districts” by this mall) connect. The winged pigs were not alarming. In southwest ohio we worship them. But compared to the last time I was there, which had only been a few years ago, EVERYTHING was closed, including the Claire’s where i bought some earrings shaped like little ice creams and an arrow shaped ring. To the right of this is a dry and empty fountain.

A shot of the “neighborhoods” labeled alphabetically. Each one has a different theme and color, which makes the whole place feel really... toylike and disjointed. It’s like walking through post apocalyptic candyland.

Upstairs, we found some garage access. (None of this entire area is air conditioned, by the way, so we are slowly wasting away in the heat as this progresses). The whole mall is filled with this alarming aura of “you are not supposed to be here” and i cant tell if that’s for lack of people or its abandonedness, but this part especially. It’s kind of pushed off and out of the way behind a line of closed doors, with only one open on either end. Some shady shit DEFINITELY used to go down in that garage (or still does). Some graffiti was on the ceiling. “Penis” and “Grace” were written on an overlook. Nice.

an upstairs information booth outside of the ocean-themed food court. we had been inside long enough that we were really starting to feel the heat and it was starting to feel a little bit like satan’s butthole. i felt like a trickster entity or some entry-level demon lived behind this desk. I left him a coin from the change from our vending machine soda, which we were drinking sporadically like mana to keep our bodies intact like it was spirited away. I wondered what kind of dark and clandestine “information” i had just exchanged 25 cents for.

Across from the middle of the food court there was just... a fully functioning and open arcade? Let me emphasize that this is in the middle of the mall and you have to make an effort to haul your ass over to this point. It was full of nostalgia games including a dungeons and dragons game, and a man behind a desk asked us if we were “here to play” when we walked in. He seemed dead inside, and he seemed like he got stragglers like us a lot. We told him we were just looking. He nodded in defeat. More people seemed to render as we went deeper inside. They offer group discounts. I’m so going here for my next birthday. A couple people passed by in the food court. Most were older, in their 60s-70s, and unaccompanied. This food court also is full of giant fish that hang from the ceiling, and in the middle has one of those bungee cord things you can tie yourself to and jump around. It was closed, sadly.

This was in one of the bathrooms, near one of two abandoned theatres in the mall. There are lots of disjointed messages like this that either appear to be tampered with by teenagers, or placed there deliberately. “REDRUM” is written on one of the storefront windows. There was also what looked like a CRIME SCENE in one of the stores in the food court near this, and once i saw what looked like a struggle and a pool of blood, i couldnt unsee it. It looked a little too cluttered and beaten up for regular decay.

Lots of weird things like this in the store windows. This was one of my favorites. Most ominous storefront award, though, goes to the storefront on the upper level full of black sheets and what looks like two copies of a children’s book called “Lord of Innocence” or something. Except, the copy on the other side is turned upside down. There was also some soap?

Tumblr has a ten-photo limit on posts, sadly, but I don’t have many more to share because my phone died halfway through our excursion. We came across what appeared to be the only staff member in the whole place - a female janitor slowly carting around her cleaning supplies like she was floating through a dream space. We crossed paths with her again when we came across a playground, and she was sitting on a bench. For what felt like a full thirty seconds i locked eyes with her and forgot what i was thinking about. I felt like we werent supposed to climb the playset, but she didnt stop us. My friend asked her and she didnt act like she cared. No one did. That was the most freaky thing. The whole place is filled with a wave of overwhelming listlessness and apathy. The people of ohio come to this abandoned mall just to look around? Sure, go ahead. We can tell you’re not shopping, but we don’t care. We’ll leave the doors open for you. Even among the other people walking there is just this complicit and unspoken understanding that we are all here to see the sights, that it’s a bit of a contemplative and ghostlike experience, and that we’ll greet each other with a faint nod and that will be enough.

There were also a couple stores that appeared to be rented out by business, but only “by appointment.” A lot of them were things like event planning or one promising “the vacation of your dreams.” I don’t know if any of their services are ever actually utilized, though. They didnt appear to be.

That’s about it! I might post the rest of the pictures just so you can see. But if you’re in the ohio/indiana/kentucky area i highly recommend at least stopping by this place if you ever get the chance. Maybe buy something from the Kohl’s so they stay open. I don’t want this place to close its doors permanently. I’m deeply connected to buildings, especially old and abandoned ones, and it’s so surreal being in a place that saw so much life one moment and none the next. And yet, people still visit it just to see it. To experience a place with its past completely behind it and a totally uncertain future. To me, that is reason enough to keep it open, and maybe that’s why they do.

#me #mine #abandoned mall

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harlockauxillia30k-blog · 6 years ago

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Epilogue

Vale Halleck sat at her desk, and glanced out her wide window to see a city skyline of cranes, hover constructors, drones, and workers busying themselves. In the far distance, a dim glow reminded her that she was on the same hemisphere as the Imperial Palace.

She opened a side drawer and looked at a slug pistol she kept loaded, until sliding it shut again; she hoped it would not be necessary.

Before her, a tidy leather-bound book rested. She ran a finger over its spine, then glanced at a framed photograph of her and a military man.

The door to her office, framed by artificial plants, buzzed repeatedly.

“Enter” she said, gulping slightly.

Shadowed somewhat by the bright hall lighting which backlit the figures robe, a menacing presence stood. It clanked and hissed as pistons moved and machinery churned beneath its simple dull red robes, its only feature visible in the light the two dull orange lids of a biomechanical gasmasked face.

The figure stepped forward into the neutral light of Arch-Medicae Halleck’s office, and the door gently slid shut.

Halleck gestured, and with a holo display enabled blinds for her window, blocking out the evening lights of the rebuilding Imperial superstructure of Terra.

“Why have I been summoned.” The tech-magos intoned, clearly impatient despite her dispassionate mechanical voice.

“I’d like your assistance with a project I’m conducting, Magos Augustine.” Halleck began, carefully laying out her thoughts.

“This is beneath my talents. Other projects demand my attention.”

“I’m certain your lords in Malcador’s personal organization can wait.”

The magos immediately drew a pistol, and fired it without hesitation at Medicae Halleck- only for the shot to impact a wall.

Halleck considered the reaction from her office, watching the magos through a holo window.

“I’ll cut to the heart of things, Magos Augustine, or do you prefer Adept Klicke? I’m summoning you here to get your testimony regarding a captain you briefly worked alongside of during the Horus Heresy, Jan Harlock.”

The magos froze, her pistol grip shaking, ultimately a mechadendrite reaching out, retrieving the weapon, and holstering it as she dropped her arm.

“What?” The mechanical voice asked.

“I started information gathering when I recieved word my lover had died on Centauri Prime. General Storm, you likely wouldnt have known him well. He had taken an interest in your army captain during the great crusade, and we had a file prepared that would have released him from Imperial service. But..”

Halleck sighed, and tossed her arms up gently. “Horus happened. So much for that.”

The Magos listened, saying nothing.

“I was curious about what happened to him, especially after i learned he was there when Storm died. I’ve been doing some digging ever since. Until last week, two days after the second anniversary of his death on Hesperax, I got my hands on this.”

Halleck tapped the bound book on her desk.

“I recovered it from the army’s property claimage system- it seems Harlock didnt have any next of kin to pick up his belongings. Almost all of it was put up as army surplus, destroyed, or handed off to new troops, but they had nothing to do with his personal writings, which he kept seperate from his own mission logs.”

Making a tent with her fingers, Halleck looked at the Magos. “Lets finish this charade before we go on. The door to my office is to the left, its time you left my waiting room.”

The door opened, and the magos walked through it, remaining silent.

“Good, now were face to face.” Halleck said, watching the reactions of the tech priestess.

“How do you know who I am?” the adept asked. “Do you really think your the only one with connections? Where do you think people go after they get cut up by traitor marine remnants they were hunting on Terra, over a year after it was declared traitor-free? There are only so many ‘construction accident’ excuses one can make until they need a good doctor to come in and care for the entire situation.”

The magos folded her arms.

“Your compromising my cover for a dead man.”

Vale couldnt help but be surprised. “I knew you martians had metal hearts, but you’re impressively blunt. Is that a defense mechanism? Or did you fall into his arms by accident one night? These writings outline your relationship clearly.”

The magos recoiled slightly, her stance changing. “And just what gives you the write to read them? You weren’t there. What the hell do you know?!”

Halleck nodded. “I see. I’m in mourning too, you know. Its only been two years now, since the apocalypse. Thats what I like to call it. What other word suffices?”

The magos snapped: “I’m not in mourning- I’m-”

“Listen. I’ll answer your question. The reason I read these documents is because no one else will. I don’t know why Harlock wrote all he did. Maybe he felt good to have a release, or a tell-all. But as far as war memoirs go this is surprisingly frank and honest. Usually I read about super-men thwarted only by circumstance. This reading is hard, honest, and carefully considered.”

The magos paused for a time. It was clear she was looking at the book, considering her options.

“What will you do with it?”

Halleck ran her fingers over the book. “In my opinion this should be preserved in any museum of the crusades, and the ones that we’llmake for the Heresy as well. But- there are many accounts already. And I don’t think the colourful words here really fit that. Your old captain had a knack for making his diaries quite readable for a common man.”

The Magos walked up and gently picked up the book, flipping through entries.

“There is a lot here.”

Halleck slowly drew a lho stick and lit it, leaning on her desk with a sigh.

“Well, you aren’t wrong about that. Its not just his words too. Theres a copy of my notes and investigations as well. As much data on that regiment of his that I could. Records from remembrancers of the crusades, sketches of him, recordings of bawdy drinking songs, the works. I’ve had a bit of free time- and I think you and I both know how dangerous that can be.”

Halleck exhalled a stream of smoke, gently sucked up by soundless environment fans above her.

“But, I’m a poor writer, and I dont want to hand this off to some hack fraud war propagandist to turn this into some Imperial Army adventure piece. I’ve considered it. I’d like you to edit and revise that mess of journals and notes into something readable- from the perspective of someone who was actually there. Who could make the hard calls on what is or is not cut. Excise yourself if you must meddle with them- I’ve considered that too. Or burn them, if you really don’t care about him, or your memories there.”

Halleck turned, her jaw taut.

“But you do, don’t you. You can’t just drop this into a furnace and forget about it all. I couldnt. Not after what I read.”

The magos remained silent, flipping through pages.

Halleck stared at her, then slumped back in her chair, staring at the blinded window and enjoying her lho stick.

“...Very well. This can be done.” The magos said, in her unnatural mechanical voice.

Halleck exhaled.

“Good. It’s all there, and on a data disk near the back as well. I can help get it to publishers when your done. I cant promise you it will be the widest release- given the saturation in the market of books just like that... but maybe he’ll live on as more than some anonymous grave in a centauri state graveyard.”

The magos nodded, folded the book into her robes, and made to leave.

“One more thing.” Halleck said, finishing her lho stick.

“August 3rd, two years ago. Port Vangelis. Why didn’t you show? Near as I could tell you were alive and able. And dont give me some line about the Inquisition.”

The magos stopped as she stood upon the threshold to the exit.

“Colonel Harlock died on Centauri Prime. The heresy took what little fragments that were left of that noble man and ground them into a fine paste, like so many others. Do you think I could have redeemed the war for him? Do you think that there was anything any of us could have done? Behind the deeds, he was the most wounded human I have ever met. Do you want the truth? I didn’t go, because I was scared. Scared of becoming like him. Scared to see the face of 800 years of war. I’m not some galactic hero, Vale. Neither was he. He was just a man, a soldier, who earned his survival by paying the price no one dared: his soul.”

The magos turned, her hood glowing from the light emanating from the magos’ mask.

“Even machines have souls, Halleck. To peer into the absence of one, is to peer into chaos. You think Harlock survived the Horus Heresy? Wrong. He fought it every single day. Until at last, mercifully, he didn't have to any more.”

With that, the Magos crossed the thresh-hold, exited the room, and left.

CHAPTER 1: HARLOCK, THE AUXILIARY

...

[The End]

#post #epilogue #Shows over folks

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cawcawpeasants · 7 years ago

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Hey! I would like to ask for some Vermillion and Silva headcannons if the families were living in a modern world and maybe for the Black Bulls too? If it's not to much! Thanks!

Thanks for the ask, I will give it my best! :D

Mereoleona: Maybe in the Military, but she would also be awesome as a chef or sous chef in a high class restaurant. I could see her in a workplace thats a bit more secluded, as she doesnt like the fuss politics and economie bring with them. She owns a harley, next to a more practical jeep, and she loves to spend her vacations by making tours on her baby. She also loves Leatherjackets. In her free time she participates in Kickboxing-classes, sometimes even teaching the class when the instructor doesnt show up. Her house is full with weights and she has two maine coon cats (called Simba and Nala, because, even though shed rather die than to admit it, she loves the Lion king and never got over Mufasas death. She quietly checked up on Leon and her father when she couldnt sleep to make sure they were fine and still there)

Leon: He would make a great trainer for a famous team, whatever kinda sport. He probably would take over the familys business, though. It would fit, if their family has something to do with sports equipment. But actually, he is the perfect man for the job of police captain or higher up. Also much political influence, give due to his lineage. Before working he graduated from Law school and is an certificated Lawyer. He is also big on saving animal and helps fighting for their rights in his free time, especially big cats.

Leo: still in school, but he aspires to be like his bro. Hes great in Sports of all kind, and even the Captain of the soccer team. Apart from that he plays tennis, basketball, does judo, rows, and if you would place him on top of a horse he would even manage that. He still lives at home, but he is over at Leons so often that he has Keys, some stuff stored in a closet and the Pull-out couch is also always reserved for him.

Mimosa: Also still in school, wants to become a doctor since she was 5. She is pretty grown up, even for her age, and is a school council member. Sometimes she models for Kirsch, because she still loves him, even though they fight often. She likes to help the underprivileged by tutoring them, this way she met asta, who is a pupil on her sisterschool.

Kirsch: Hes in college and studys fashion and design. He also works as a model, has gotten a role in a movie and runs his own fashion and make-up brand. (Keeping up with Kirsch is a running Headline in boulevard magazines)

Nozel: He would either make a kick-ass attorney or judge (with customized robes), but also be great as head of a company that has to do with aviary systems, satellites, planes or else. Also he has influence on politics and plans to run as major in the future. He is pretty old fashioned when it comes to his freetime-activities. He collects art, stamps and researches birds in quiet. Sometimes he funds expeditions to discover more about rare species, or integral nature reserves. He also bought many plots of lands, where endangered Birds live, all across the world, because the ongoing destruction of their habitat and their extinction is bothersome to him. He has degrees in law and business and is a wanted Single on the market, a circumstance that has led to him living more and more secluded, in the company of a grey parrot. (it once belonged to his mother and sometimes it would say sentences it copied from her)

Nebra: Nobody knows what Nebra does. Nobody dares to ask. She clouds herself in mist and mysteries. She probably works for the government.

Solid: He goes to college, majors in either business or law, because the family wants him to do that. Actually he is more a partyguy, the typical fratboy. Obviously, the frat is like completely his because Silvas of many generations were members. Also he has a thing for fast silver cars. Nozel hopes he will grow out of this eventually.

The Bulls: Okay, this one is tough, I have tried to think of a place where a bunch of adults, teens and kids can live together at. So how about they are all neighbors in a House with cheap rent, and over time they formed a big family?

Noelle: She goes to school, and after she was kicked out she emancipated herself. She moved into the Black bull mansion and lives from her allowance. She works as a waitress in the cafe-bar-restaurant on the groundfloor of the building.

Asta: He and Juno both got scholar ships, he especially for his physical abiltys, but the money wasn’t quite enough for an accomodation, so he lives in a small, run down 1-room apartement and also works in the restaurant, but as a bouncer.

(No, im sure its not legal for minors to work in such a place, but they need the money)

Finral: is a manager and bartender, ran away from home and landed there. After his family got more and more abusive he couldnt stay any longer and nearly ended up as a gigolo, but Yami saved his behind before he could self destruct. He still has the bad habit of flirting with every woman he sees, and hes a day dreamer, but all he wishes for is to find the perfect wife, to have many children and be a stay at home dad. He has a lot of love to give and many holes in his heart to fill. For the time being he is something like the eldest brother of the bulls, and whenever someone has to disappear because some investigations are going on, he knows of many hiding spaces and secret escape-ways.

Vanessa: Also ran way from home because of her abusive mother, is from another country and was found by yami shortly after she ran away. Now she also works as a bartender and sometimes as waitress. She has great talent with sewing, crocheting, making and changing clothes. She takes on jobs on the low from the bulls and other people, she even sells some of her works over the internet.

Gordon: Due to his shyness and anxiety he chose to move into a rather antisocial environment, but got aggressively adopted anyways by the bulls. He makes money as accountant, for the Bulls and over the internet.

Gauche: basically, his story is the same, and after his imprisonment was over hes out on probation) Yami got him a room in the building. Sometimes he works as a bouncer, when they are short on staff, otherwise he works in a library or old book shop. During the nights he takes online classes to graduate from school, so he can one day get a well paying job to provide Mary with all the money she needs to get through live easily.

Magna: Is a punk who got picked up by Yami one day, after he and Luck fought in front of the black bulls base. He works at a local shelter, and plays baseball with kids at the community center. Hes a good guy with a tough demeanor. He also tries to help Yami whenever he can, with whatever he can.

Luck: After his mother died he was sent to a social living community, where his attitude to fight everyone was only strengthend. He ran away after an especially bloody fight and landed on Magnas hometurf. They got into a fight, which woke Yami up, and so he and Magna both ended up living there. Yami said, it was so they could attone for their sin of disturbing his sleep. Luck and Magna share a 2-Room flat, because there weren’t that many 1-room ones left. He works as a courierboy and is known for his quick deliverys, but he also really has a knack for electro-engineering. He plans to graduate, too, someday and to open up his own business.

Charmy: Nobody exactly knows where Charmy comes from exactly. She just turned up one day after she saw, that the Bulls looked for a chef. She only talks about food, and the bulls understood after a while that she really does not want to talk about her past or family. All they know is that she is smaller than average for her age and that her obsession with food could come from shortages of that in her early life.

Gray: Is a nonbinary youth who ran away and lived on the streets. They like to change their looks, now that they make money by working for the black bulls, often just washing dishes, restocking and such. They are great at adapting to new jobs, if these dont require much human interaction. Also the peptalks from the bulls really help. They also posses a great talent for theater works, such as costume design and make up. If they weren’t so shy they would be a great actor too.

Zora: He is one of those inhabitants that come and go. Mostly hes some kind of lone wolf crusader, some sort of social justice warrior who either helps the poor when he sees them being mistreated or posts videos showing misconduct of upperclass jerks. He has a whole network going on, and often sends his videos to the police or news senders, if he has the feeling, that the law enforcement is sweeping something under the rug. He has a high IQ and is proficient in hacking. His mask is his sign, he always wears it when hes in action.

Yami: He is the son of immigrants, or was an illegal immigrant himself. If that was the case, i can imagine that Julius helped him getting citizen status after Yami stopped a Criminal on the run who just happened to run into his direction, looking dangerous and armed. He either is a Detective (private, not police), a headhunter or probation officer. Could also be a cop. Also he runs the Black Bulls bar, mostly so the inhabitants have a place to work at.

- The Vermillions main Mansion would be huge, but more modern. Much space, training rooms, sports equipment, Medals, trophys and certificates won in various tournaments of all kinds by Mereo, Fuego and Leo covering a whole room.

-The Silvas Mansion would also be huge, but more in a Victorian ‘This house belonged to our family for generations’style. The colourscheme is cold, lots of Silva, blues and dark wood. Also so many chandeliers. So many. Also the family crest is everywhere. Its a place that could easily become a filmset for a historical movie.

-They don’t have their name on the Postbox, just the crest. Thats how extra they are about it. (This has also often led to drunk or confused people thinking they are some sort of special church, and then trying to enter the house. These incidents always end with unamused Silvas)

- All the eldest children have moved out of their main Mansions, and live in Flats, Appartments and Mereo in a small house a bit out of the city. They all only come back together for celebrations or in cases of emergencies.

-The Black bulls Castle is officially Julius property, because he has the money and power, also he wants to help his eldest son Yami out. Its a total mess, but the Bulls manage to repair most of it themselves. They love their broken down house so much, the started to call it their castle on the clouds, mostly because it is the biggest building they’ve ever lived in, with more luxury they ever imagined they would ever get to enjoy.

#Caw caw #phew this was a lot #I hope this is okay anon #I couldnt do all aspects that could be part of a modern live thing #and i have probably made many spelling mistakes #but here goes :)#im on a roll #some wild modern black clover headcannons appear

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kawaiibeela · 7 years ago

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2017 in review... i guess?

so i guess im gonna do this lol... its not really a review of my year but i will talk about a few major personal things over the past few months that happened to me, LONG LONG LONGGGGG POST UNDER THE CUT

a lot of people complained about 2017 being a shitty year, a continuation for 2016..... and i thought it would be too.... and thats how it started.... i was stuck in a crappy job for 6 years.... i wanted to leave so badly but i was also scared.... scared that what if i couldn’t find anything else? scared in my skills as a graphic designer.... i hated all my work and everything i produced from that job, i got comfortable at this job.... i could come and go as i pleased, i could take any day off i wanted.... but they were toxic people, they judged me very hard for liking the things i did, they were very negative about everything, they forced stuff on me that wasn’t part of my job, they made me feel very awkward, they would make “comments” about my religion when it didn’t fit their needs...it was very uncomfortable at times.... i would just lie to myself and to other people when asked “how’s work going?” i would say “not bad, its pretty good, i’m doing some fun events” but i was slowly drowning inside.... my parents and close friends would always tell me “you need to quit!!! just quit!!! find something better!! you’re better than this place” but i never believed it..... i never believed them..... when i should have been listening to them....

i started to tell myself, this is enough.... i cant deal with this place any more.... i started to work on my portfolio website.... but i hated it..... i hated everything about it..... everything in there just reminded me of my old shitty job that i hated... all this effort put into something that i hated... because i was forced to do what the clients wanted, it was frustrating!!

a few years ago, i went to this graphic design conference that was meant to help people find jobs, i went to a portfolio review and all 3 reviewers told me the same thing, the work i put in seem forced and not my style, they said to add stuff i was passionate about and stuff that i enjoyed and my work would speak for itself, every person that i showed my arashi posters too, said it was my strongest piece.... i should use that piece for sure!!

that helped me get a sense of what i wanted!! i deleted everything from my old portfolio site, except my logo which i actually still love, i kept 1 project from my old job which was the biggest and most challenging one i worked on to show that i have real life experience.

i decided to develop my arashi project into a full campaign, i added more pieces, i designed more stuff, for the fun of it.... every weekend for a while in the spring and summer, my friends and i were meeting up at cafes to help focus on stuff, i got a lottttt done there!!! i wanted to focus on stuff that was important to me, fandoms!! duh!! arashi of course, kiramune which had recently at the time become my new loves, and oldcodex!!! i decided to try and make designs based on them for fun!! i took kirafes 2017′s design and I remade it for myself, i imagined how i wanted the goods to look, i imagined how i wanted the posters to look, the pamphlet, and it took forever, but it was fun, it was frustrating but it was rewarding to come up with something i was proud of!! something i was happy about!! something that when i talked about it, i could explain what i wanted to and why i did certain things.

for the oldcodex stuff, i made an editorial piece, i wanted to reflect their personalities so i just kept trying different things until i was happy!! in the end it came out really great and i was able to do that piece pretty fast as well too!!

i also kept in my portfolio parts of a magazine that i had worked on.... but i wasnt happy with a lot of parts of that magazine too... so i made my own pages to “add in” about the olympics and they came out really nice!!

i was confident in my portfolio for once.... it took months and months of work.... but i was happy about it... i was proud of it.... i was excited about it.... but...... i was scared..... scared i wasnt ready for the next step.... what if i put all this effort into it and im still not good enough? how will i feel then? i also hate going to interviews because of my anxiety as well too....

but finally around the beginning of September, i was actually able to 100% complete my portfolio, my business cards and resumes were also complete...

and i was scrolling down on facebook... and one of my old friends posted something..... we were really close during college, we took graphic design together but as the semesters went on, we drifted apart as well too... it had been probably like 4-5 years since i’d ever talked to her even.... but she posted “looking for a junior graphic designer for a 3 month contract” and i kinda looked at that for a while... i messaged one of my friends about it and said “hmmmm...... my friend just posted this.... what should i do?” and she told me “just message your friend and apply!!! just do it” she gave me that push because she knew how much i hated my current job too!!

so i messaged my friend and asked her if she could submit my resume to HR.... and she did.... that was on friday.... i was scared.... and nervous.....but then... on a tuesday after work..... my phone rang and i got a call from the company..... its a photography company here in Toronto that has locations across Canada. they wanted me in for an interview.... a what??? wait what??? an interview???? they said they looked at my portfolio and were interested....... ehhhhh??? i was in shock..... but i was so happy too!! but scared..... the last interview i went on was like 2-3 years ago and it went pretty bad......... so i had no idea how this one would go..... the HR person was really nice though... she had told me that i would be interviewed by herself, the marketing manager and the art director.... i was scared as hell..... she gave me their names so i looked them up.... the art director........ he was so good..... his website was so nice!!! i started to lose confidence again but, its funny.... he was japanese.... i thought “oh crap, what if he tries to read parts of my portfolio?” i had used japanese interviews in my kiramune project but i couldnt find stuff for each member so i just copied and pasted, i thought “hes gonna know im just making stuff up” LOL I just kept thinking of useless thoughts in my head..... but i thought.... whatever.... im just gonna do it...... my interview was on thursday, i had called my old job and told them i couldnt work that day and they said it was fine because it was a really slow time... i obviously didnt tell them i was going for a job interview.... but i went anyways, i got there really early so i just sat somewhere and went over stuff i had planned for my interview, i had written stuff down in my journal and was gonna use that as a guideline for when they asked me questions, they asked some things similar to what i had planned but they asked some different stuff too... they were so nice.... throughout the interview they had kept complimenting my stuff, they said everything flowed very nicely and they really liked me work, they had asked me how i got interested in design and i answered the most face palming thing.... i mentioned anime... and i said i used to watch anime and pokemon as a kid and i dreamt of being an animator in japan and then i was like “oh no.... i didnt just tell them im a weeb did it?” and i was like “oh god, my life is over” haha i felt really embarassed ahaha oops LOL but then they were also really impressed by that answer too.... they asked if i had any retail experience and i told them i had experience working at this amusement park after high school too and it helped me deal with customers and stuff too... this was a job i had from like 10 years ago or something, it wasnt even on my resume any more, is just one of those jobs u get to make money.... like..... i thought nothing of it..... but they were SO EXCITED about it when i told them, they were like “wow!!! thats so great!!” they seemed so intrigued in everything i said!! the HR person was like “you seem very energetic!!” and i was like really happy!! no one really compliments me or my work usually haha XD

towards the end of the interview, they asked if i had any questions for them and i asked them 2 questions and they seemed really impressed too!! haha they were like “those are great questions” haha

at the end of the interview, i asked for their business cards so i could email them and thank them for taking time to interview me. they thanked me and the HR person said she’d be in touch the next few days

after the interview, i messaged my friend who had helped send in my resume and she said “just between you and me, they came upstairs and i think they really like you” omggg i felt sooo happy haha

on the way home, i remember getting really lost LOL it took me almost like 3 hours to get home i think XD i ended up finding a small japanese store that i bought a bunch of stuff from ahaha

so... i waited the weekend..... it was monday.... and i didnt hear from them.... tuesday went by and i didnt hear anything, i thought i must not have gotten the job, but then wednesday again, i got an email from the HR person, asking if i could email her 2-3 references... which i had none... so i asked 2 of my old coworkers from different jobs and they replied right away too because they also knew i hated my current job ahah so i sent my references and then on thursday while i was at work... i got a call from the HR person saying “i called both of your refernces and they both said wonderful things about you so we would like to offer you the 3 month contract position” like OMGGGG i almost screamed of joy!!! i was jumping up and down outside the office haha XD

i told this job that i would need 1 week to give my old job a heads up tho, so i could start on the following wednesday

but then i got scared again, i had to tell my current job i was quitting... i mustered up the courage and just told my one boss first, she was so happy for me, she gave me a hug and she wished me all the best too!! but then i had to tell the owner of the company and his wife, theyre both assholes so i didnt wanna tell them, but my 1 coworker helped me figure out how to tell them.... so i told them and they were unhappy but i told them id help for 1 last event (until the end of october) they appreciated that at least

so that following tuesday was my last day being in office at that crappy job i hated!!! i literally left there SKIPPING with a HUGGGEEE grin on my face!! i would never have to go back to that horrible place again!!! omg i was soooo happy!!!!

im getting tired of writing all this now LOL so im gonna fast forward a bit, but the new job was amazing, people there loved me and they were so appreciative of me, it was a huge 360 turn!!

i was working at this new place but then in the evenings id help at my old job by working from home, that was horrible, i couldnt deal.... after that last job at my old work was done, i told them i couldnt help out any more and theyd have to find a new designer.... after 6 years of working there.... 6 FRIKKEN YEARS!!!!!! i told them i was probably going to have my contract extended and i told her i was so excited and she messaged back saying “thats not good for us but anyway congrats” like WTF BITCH!!! I HELPED YOU OUT SO MUCH!! I WAS SO NICE TO YOU!!! GOOD FUCKING RIDDANCE!!! I CANT EVEN WITH YOU!! LIKE OMG!!! i told her id send her files that i worked on and she replied 2 days later that she’ll download them later my last message to her was just “k” i was SO FUCKING DONE!!!! I HATE HER SO MUCH!!!

ANYYYYYYYWAYYYSSSSSSS...... fast forward another few weeks?months? my manager told me that she was able to get me to job full time..... FULL FUCKING TIME........ this was my first EVER full time job that related to my career, the old crappy one was never full time.... this is the first one ive had thats full time and ill get benefits and vacation and everything!! like OH. MY. GOD. i left work SOOOOOO happy!!! i actually CRIEDDDDD tears of joy!!! i couldnt believe it!!! i cant believe it!!! like omg!!! they all congratulated me!!! they were so proud of me!!! i was proud of me!!! i told my parents and i think for the first time in mine and their life, THEY were proud of me!!!! like it was amazinnnnggg!!! its still amazing!!!! we had a work lunch party and my manager was like “id like to take this time to officially tell you all that Nabeela is now full time with us” and they all raised their glasses and cheered to that too!!! like OMGGGG I WAS SO HAPPY!! (also hella embarassed since im still awkward af!!) but SO SO HAPPY!!!!

HONESTLY GUYS...... i am 30 years old now..... 30........ its NEVER too late..... nothing in life is set in stone..... no matter how 1 person does things, doesnt mean you have to be like them too....you can always do things at your own pace!!! sometimes things dont go as you imagine them but things WILL AND DO get better!!! things will be alright in the end!!! thats how i ended my 2017 and started my life as a 30 year old obaa-chan XD

theres a lot of goals and things id like to work on for 2018 but i hope 2018 will even better for me and all my friends, family and followers!!!

if any of you actually got through all of this, then im so sorry and also thank you so much for reading LOL to all my friends who supported me through this hard moment in my life, thank you very much!!

if any of you are curious about my portfolio, you can check it out at www.nabeelahamid.com ^__________^ thankssss!!! if any of you guys are designers too, tips or positive criticism is always welcome too!!

to all of my friends and followers who are already in 2018, HAPPY NEW YEAR AND I WISH NOTHING BUT THE BEST FOR ALL OF YOU!!!!! and to those still in 2017 like me, lets bring in the new years together!!!

#personal rants #end of 2017 rant #HAPPY NEW YEAR

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