#some of the dumb shit ppl do to summon demons

[eyes-ore]

Summoning Vassago

just doin some reasearch on ppls experiences w ritual magic and invoking the demon vassago and found some cool forum posts, gonna collect em here just in case the sources delete!! 

Vassago summoning. May 26, 2015 For my first summoning, I think Vassago is a really good spirit and one of the frendliest one! And probably I musn't summon Paimon for the first time of summoning. He is very friendly (Vassago) and the frendliest maybe to humans demon. Anyway, I am looking for a simple way to summon him, could you please tell me one? Re: Vassago summonig. May 27, 2015 If you are working with the goetia, it is bet to stick with the sysytem as laid out until you know what you are doing, can identify the specifics and create your own system. The best rendition of the goetia out there is Stephen Skinners "The Goetia of Dr Rudd" coming in at a close second is Poke Runyon's book of Solomon's magic. I must also state if you o not have the basics of magic, and I am talking ritual magic, down you will get either no result, or pityful results. The other danger is calling up something you simply can't get rid of. You need to be able to go into trance, to be able to receive visions via scrying. Be comfortable with banishing and invocation, not merely evocation. You need a circle which is inscribed divine names important to you, or used from the goetia which you understand. You need a triangle in which the spirit can manifest. The circle should be 9ft in diameter, the triangle 3ft each side. In the triangle should be a scrying medium, prefarably a black mirror flanked by two candles and incense going over the face. But incense will be sufficient, incense produced by herbs (sacred to the spirit) and burnt on charcoal would be sufficient. There are many things you need. Another thing people never seem to realise is that you need to be invoking the help of the shem angel corresponding to the spirit. People who do not realise that are using the Mathers/Crowley translation of the goetia which is outdated and incorrect. In short, you need to research, you need to read. You need to make sure you know what you are doing. It is my opinion that you do not- and so you are not ready for evocation. It is fair enough if you wish to ask specific questions, but to ask for a whole technique shows you have not done enough research. This type of magic isn't for beginners, people need to learn to walk before they can run. Re: Vassago summonig. May 27, 2015 First off, I'm happy to know that there are people interested in Solomon Magic. Secondly, there is no EASY way, whatsoever, to summon a goetia spirit like Vassago or Paimon. You need to know the magic circles of solomon. Second, you need to know what the rank is of Vassago (i.e. his office) and then the time of day required for that office to be invoked. Thirdly, you must bring an offering or sacrifice for the specific diety as well as have his symbol drawn and an enchanted ring. Fourthly, you must have your body without impurities for up to 4 days. And I believe lastly, you must recite almost an essay long incantation, and another almost essay long incantation afterwards. If you want to message me, I can give you links for information you need to know. These are just some basic things, but ritual magic, especially involving beings like that, is something that could take months if not years and years of studying and work. It's not something you just pick up and do. Re: Vassago summonig. May 27, 2015 what i've searched until now is that goetia spirit realm are nearer to our world which makes it easier to summon them and also they are willing to help humans which is their very basic nature but it's hard to describe in little words since it'll take quite a lot of explaining . Whereas for their nature it could be known from their ranks for eg.demon ranked as an earl is always very blunt in his works(like bloodshed),it is ranked as footman that's lowest of all and whereas duke and prince ranked ones are kind and understanding and can know what your heart wants. Re: Vassago summonig. May 27, 2015 It is not in their basic nature to help humans, at least not across the board. That contradicts the system as it was created an is used. You are correct about them being closer to us, in the scheme of things, they are classed as being below us, or at least ina lower portion of the sphere we reside. As such it gives the magician 'divine authority' to evoke them if the magician performs certain invocations beforehand.

//

Vassago: An Impish Spirit? By James Donahue When evoked in a remote viewing session a few years ago, the Goetia Spirit Vassago appeared as an alien with a large eye peering from behind an invisible partition. It was as if the edge of a mirror sliced the image in half never allowing it to be seen as complete. Drawings by others who have evoked this third spirit in the list of 72 demons of the Goetia depict Vassago as a rather frightening and complex creature. There may have been good reason for its unwillingness to appear as it really looks when its portrait was being made. .... Still another description was that Vassago appears as “a blood-red dragon, extending one slithe (30) feet long.” This creature was observed as having large, red wings. It walked on four legs, had green eyes and white fangs. Thus it appears that Vassago enjoys changing form and playing games with the people who summon him. Over the years he has gained a reputation as a relatively benign or even friendly spirit who can tell of future events, find lost or hidden treasures, and reveal things of the past. Vassago has been called a Prince of Prophecy. But beware when dealing with this fellow. He also bears the title Prince of Hell and rules over 26 legions of demons. There is no telling just what mischief this entity can conjure up.

//

“Have you tried to open his sigil? A divination method should help you to comunicate with him. Vassago is very nice“ “nice? I dunno. I'd rather say quite cool (not hot/wild) he certainly ain't a teddy bear though“

//

An eye opening experience with Vassago This was done after I had awoke from a dead sleep using a spur of the moment method where I traced a circle around myself, and then a triangle that I pushed (through visualization) outside my traced circle. Using no prior invocations, calling quarters, nor lengthily conjurations, I simply chanted Vassago's name as a sort of mantra "VAH-SAH-GO" until I heard a clear as day "I am here" within my mind. Q. What of leaving things out when calling on spirits? A. "A fool omits from tradition for the sake of it" It was then that my mind was flooded with a voiceless explanation: Trying to simplify for the sake of simplification is foolish, but simplifying for the sake of accommodation is acceptable, however one should strive for quality above all else. This answer alone made me self reflect, confronting me with my own motives for trying to find "simple" evocation methods. While It's true that I certainly cannot afford the entire traditional set up or anywhere near that for that matter, many methods that I have attempted so far have been set ups where I "felt" with all my being that I could have, and should have done more, but didn't for the sake of simplicity out of laziness, rather than accommodation. I followed the question up with one asking for a method to call on other spirits that accommodated, and wasn't overly elaborate. I was shown in my minds eye a partial set up. It's clear that Vassago wasn't going to do "all" the work for me. Now the set up is going to take me some time to procure, but should be well within my budget from what I was shown (Vassago's the man ) I'll go into more detail once I have given what I was shown a go, though that may take some time if only because I don't quite trust online sellers when it comes to fragile objects due to previous experience. Also worth mentioning, Vassago never mentioned wanting anything in return for his knowledge. Perhaps he knew I'd boast about him anyway?

//

“Chances are Vassago did show up you just don't have the ability to sense him. Vassago is not a cooperative spirit to those that don't have the wits or ability to deal with him. In my first workings with Vassago he wouldn't do anything but sit there. A couple of magician friends and I called him again and though we had to coerce him, Vassago gave up information. Quite simply he likes the pomp of the traditional ritual. It proves to him that you are worthy of his time. Once you have established a relationship with Vassago (or any spirit) it is easier to call him.”

//

“When people say he is "good natured," its that he doesn't take advantage of people who try to summon him or even do it accidentally. When my friend told me his name and his channeling material I summoned him in seconds. His presence was felt immediately, its brooding and dominating in the silence. Greetings don't work. He'll stare back at you with a discouraged frown. He is very easy to release, you must simply ask him a "yes or no" type of question. He likes to share information and he generally likes humans, but he does not like his time to be wasted so do not delay your question. Do not throw a fit if the answer isn't satisfactory. He will reveal as much or as little as he likes.”

//

The entity summoned for questioning par excellence is one that has been a favourite among witches from time immemorial, and is known by the name "Vassago." He is numbered among the seventy-two demonic intelligences in that medieval grimoire, the Lemegeton, or Lesser Key of Solomon; and Wierus, Cornelius Agrippa's pupil, also mentions him in his Pseudomonarchia Demonorum.

1. The wand

2. Seeing stone within the triangle

... Vassago, a mighty prince, of the nature of Agares, who declareth things past, present and to come and discovereth that which hath been lost or hidden. He is good by nature, and governeth twenty-six legions of Spirits ... But knowledge of his existence dates back long before this, even to before earliest Babylonian times. He was one of the Nephelim, and in Eastern fable, he is accounted one of the seventy-two Lords of the Djinn.

Your experiment should be performed during clear weather, when the moon is two, four, six, eight, ten, twelve, or fourteen days old, and thereby, of course, always on the increase. So great is the power of Vassago, however (he is a "prince" in the hierarchy), that he is not bound by any sidereal or solar rules of time, and therefore may be summoned at any hour of the day or night. 

He is to be called only in matters of extreme perplexity, when all lesser methods of divination have availed you naught. Although he is "good by nature," it is extremely important to remember that he is one of the seventy-two from of old, a being formed out of primordial fire eons before man evolved into his present shape, of an intelligence at this present time far superior to that of most men alive, and in the humiliating position of being susceptible to conjuration by apelike clay-formed Homo sapiens, by means of a faculty as yet mostly underdeveloped within said simian creatures. So approach his conjuration with extreme respect at all times; it is no idle operation.

Having selected your day of operation, you must choose a companion to act as a scribe or recorder of the visions. Lock yourselves in your secluded place of working, having gathered together your paraphernalia and such other close companions as are immediately concerned with the divination.

Your paraphernalia should consist of: Your altar table with its triangle sign covering, pointing east; chairs in the west, facing east across the table, should you wish to remain seated during the scrying; Your Athame, cord, thurible, cup, workbook, square of Mercury, and pen and ink of art, a supply of Mercurial incense, and a box of incense consonant with Vassago's nature (see end of this chapter, "Herbs and Incenses").

All or any of these things may be held by your assistants throughout the operation. ((continued - https://www.witchcraftmag.us/witches-warlocks/the-conjuration-of-vassago.html ))

//

[kewltie]

terminally ill!izuky summons a demon to fulfill his wish but somehow got the archduke of hell instead & kaasktosuuki is livid that this mere mortal managed to ensnared him in a devil trap, so plans to make a deal & eat izuku's soul afterward but izuku is like,,, pls be my friend. look, when most ppl summoned demon it's usually for money power, status, love, etc but izuku who has been alone for so long & about to die soon want to spend the last few months on earth w/ someone. the more pure the soul is the stronger the wish and Izuku's soul is the purest and also the most delicious kaasktosuuki had ever seen on a mortal. eating Izuku's soul would grant huge powerups for demons so he actually luck out w/ Izuku, but Izuku's wish is sooo fucking weird & unimaginably stupid that it traps him here fulfill their contract!!!

kaasktosuuki, one of the pillars of hell, an archduke, ruler of the 7th realm, etc has to play friend w/ a terribly sick boy whose life is quickly burning out. he did not sign up for this shit, but a devil's contract is binding of blood & soul so they're stuck together. kaasktosuuki is then renamed kacchan by izuku bc it's easier on the human's tongue but names are power for demons so a mere human able to do that is kinda ridiculous???? katsuki doesn't know what the fuck is up w/ his charge but izuku from all appearances is wretchedly normal. yet he managed to call upon an archduke of hell, bound kaasktosuuki, and RENAMED HIM. kacchan would have kill izuku right off the bat if Izuku's soul wasn't such a delicacy only seen once every few hundred thousand years. so here he is watching over his human and playing house w/ him lmao.

it's only one year and izuku gonna die soon, so kacchan just need to wait it out that long but he underestimate what a troublemaking/trouble magnet this dumb izuku is bc other demons come after him bc delicious pure soul so kacchan got to defend & protect his food ok??? FUCK. the months passed by and kacchan & izuku settle into a some sort of routine where kacchan carefully tends & protect izuku bc it's kinda like how a human would raise a rare flower that would bloom every few hundred years. you take good care of it so one day it will bears fruit for you, so that's what he's doing or so he thinks.

in reality, kacchan takes his duty v v v v seriously as Izuku's guardian, making sure izuku eat the best food & not some frozen meal he had been eating, clearing out the hooligans hanging around Izuku's neighborhood, & making sure izuku always dress in the finest clothes.

basically, he's like a sugar daddy but waaaaaay better/worst bc he's a demon & can provide izuku w/ everything he needs but in exchange for Izuku's soul in the end. he takes the utmost care of izuku by providing him goods and services and ensuring Izuku's happiness while izuku is just his usual self. super ordinary, mid-manner, tenderhearted, and yet hidden behind those soft layers is a boy who tamed an archduke of hell & is fearless in the faces of all the demons that want to eat him now, but only bc he know kacchan would be there for him.

izuku was made orphan at a v v young age so he was always alone & he was terrified of being abandoned, left forgotten by the world that no one will even remember he existed so that why he made a deal w/ the devil that night bc he couldnt bear dying alone but now he knows that if he died today, it would in kacchan's arms and when he eat Izuku's soul, it would be a part of kacchan forever so izuku wont ever be alone again. he'll always be with kacchan even in death so he wasnt ever afraid of dying which made him reckless and fearless. even when he's facing down army of demons or the scowling face of an archduke of hell who is beyond pissed that izuku came home late from work even tho kacchan said izuku didnt need to do menial labor anymore bc he was gonna take care of all their expanses bc izuku just smile.

somehow he’d made a weird family with a demon, who turns out to be v v v good at chores and adapting to human ways as kacchan make sure izuku isn't deprived of anything: safety, a home, comfort, & all things frail human needs like he's an everyday devoted househusband lmao.

he cleans up neighborhood gangs, made himself their leader and force them protect Izuku's home and neighborhood, turning them into his army of violent guardians of the neighborhood?? built Izuku a vegetable garden bc izuku got to stay healthy bc he cant trust other ppl's food. He even fixed up Izuku's crumbling apartment bc it's a shithole & then killed the owner bc he's fucking corrupted & useless so now he owns the entire building & give everyone free rent as long as they swear loyalty to him & dont fucking piss him off bc wut does he need w/ human cash?

kacchan is a demon, but he does good deeds inadvertently bc he's taking care of izuku and honestly the world is crap so he gotta to remake it so it's better for izuku to live in lmao. he's not doing this out of goodwill or selfless act okkk it's for izuku's soul!!! or basically how an ancient and powerful demon got accidentally suckered into adopting and saving humanity bc of one human boy.

[nokillbananashelter]

Barret, holding a flimsy evil man over a railing: "THIS is our chance to liberate Midgar from the violent, fascist, corporate police state that just MURDERED THOUSANDS without remorse! The climate crisis can FINALLY be addressed! Aerith can finally see justice for her mother, her people, herself, AND THE PLANET! Tifa, we can finally have justice for our community and our friends. We've built our lives around this ONE VERY JUSTIFIED goal, and with this one act we can start to save untold thousands of lives. Also, this talking dog we just met who speaks in vague destiny terms is giving off some BIG "FUCK SHINRA" vibes! Didn't need the woo-woo bullshit he's spouting, but it IS a talking dog, so I'll take it. You're alright, talking dog.

Cloud, thank you for aiding us in taking down this evil family, for understanding the oppression we all face, and for letting justice prevail in this moment. I misjudged you as a bootlicking edgelord befo-"

Cloud, after experiencing the full spectrum of irredeemable evil Shinra bullshit: "omg ya idk how about both sides Shinra helps people sometimes did u see the vid they made IDK lol haha anyway I just wanna rescue my new girlfriend and leave :/ :/ :/ :/ ”

Barret: " ....what the actual f -"

Cloud: "also I'm in charge now pls escort my new OP gf instead"

Barret: "........uh, okay, but literally killing these two piece of shit men will cripple Shinra and allow Avalanche to rebuild our communitie-"

Tifa, who punches nazi filled robo-helicopters to death like its nothing while wearing a sports bra: "I AGREE WITH CLOUD!! We Can't Win this Fight!!!! DON'T KILL THESE PPL!! PROTECT AERITH She NEEDS HELP I’m SCAREd, WE'RE OUTMATCHED and VIOLENCE IS WRONG :C :c ”

Barret, looking between his mega turbo gatling gun arm that DEFINITELY KILLED some WEIRD ASS DREAM-TIMESPACE-DEMON about 2 SECONDS AGO and then back at the evil businessman's discount-Hitler-David-Bowie son and his shitty naked cat: “you.....guys.....sure...... about that......?"

Aerith, who summons ancient violent gods to kill randos and has literally every reason and capability to blow up the entire Shinra building herself: “NO Barret violence is wrong pls don't murder mr president or his son that is a MEAN THING 2 DO!!!pls Protec me Barret. Cloud said so :3”

RedXIII: *unopinionated vacant stare*

Barret, absolutely stunned:

"...........................?

????????

???????????

......................????????????

???????

????

?????????????????????????

???????

......................

......OOoooookkkaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy???????"

(((Fantasy friends spend the rest of the game dealing with fascist corporate police state they failed to end, that will continue to murder and pillage, but also theres another dumb sword guy messing with shit too)))

Barret: Actually, FUCK you guys

[cloudynet-blog]

          h A H   pce   signs   in   here   like   hey   how   ya   doin’   .  .  .   i’m   prim   ,   twenty-two   ,   from   the   est   timezone   !   i’m   kinda   dumb   &   a   serial   procrastinating   dumb   dumb   sippin   on   capri   sun    so    pls    .  .  .   forgive   how   nonsensical   i   sound   99.98%   of   the   time   !   so   here’s   haesung   .  .  .   local   chaotic   evil   cryptid   .  .  .  u   can   find   haesung’s   info   down   below  ,  &  here’s  his  pinterest   board   &   like   .  .  .   how   cool   wuld   it   be   if   we   held   hands   in   the   mcdonalds   parking   lot   &   plotted   🥺   feel   free   to   hmu   on   discord   or   ims   !  @loginlanding​ 

BASIC INFO

name:  son  haesung  . 

nickname(s):  haezy  .

age:  twenty-two  .

birthday:  1 / 21 / 98  .

birthplace:  seattle  ,  wa

gender:  cismale  .

pronouns:  he / him

sexual orientation:  bisexual  ,  demiromantic  .

education:  nyu  ,  class  of  2019  .

APPEARANCE . 

height:  5′11″

weight:  62  kg

build:  slim  fit  .

hair colour:  currently  faded  grey  ,  prob  dyeing  back  to  brown  . 

eye colour:  dark  brown  .

clothing preferences:  tightly  bound  prefs  between  black  ,  white  ,  grey  ,  anything  slouchy  or  simple  ,  graphic  tees  &  jeans  torn  beyond  repair  ,  no-show  socks  bc  ankles  out  bitches

tattoos:  aquarius  constellation  on  right  wrist  ,  small  cross  on  left  thumb  .

piercings:  double  lobe  l / r  ,  right  helix  &  double  tragus  l / r  . 

distinguishing features:  extended  scar  running  down  the  lower  part  of  his  shoulder  ,  down  to  the  small  of  his  back  ,  owing  to  a  minor  motorcycle  crash  from  a  couple  yrs  back  .

PERSONALITY . 

positive traits:  cordial  ,  sanguine  ,  mildly  breakneck  &  dynamic  ,  empathetic  ,  quick-witted  . 

negative traits:  frigid  ,  sardonic  ,  overly  analytical  ,  morbidly  pessimistic  ,  reticent  . 

likes:  spearmint  gum  ,  long  showers  ,  clean  cotton  scent  ,  rum  raisin  ,  2am  drives  ,  junji  ito  ,  biting  the  shit  out  of  straws  .

dislikes:  pistachio  ice  cream  ,  humid  weather  ,  slow  walkers  bc  he’ll  mow  u  tf  down  . 

GAME INFO . 

position: currently  substitute  ,  usually  dps  /  support  .

main:  mccree  . 

secondary:  ana  .

who do they play for fun:  mei  ,  d.va  ,  reaper  ,  sombra  . 

who are they worst at?:  roadhog  ,  orisa  .

HEADCANONS / BIO . 

stupid  ghostie  vibin  boy  from  seattle  /  slightly demented  /  cold  at  first  glance  ,  freeze  ur  limbs  off  levels  of  hypothermia  if  he  hates  u  /  kinda   cares  lowkey  uknow  ,  he’ll  either  buy  u  vodka  @  2am  &  indulge  in  sadboi  alcoholism  or  help  u  hide  a  body  ,  either  way  he  be  like  that  /  extremely  sarcastic  /  a  little  softer  spoken  but  bitter  nonetheless  with  his  remarks  /  will  absolutely  let  u  get  eaten  by  some  creature  in  the  forest  unless  u’ve  bought  him  food  before  /  cryptid  in  past  &  current  timeline  /  haesung  @  3am  ‘  hey  u  awake  do  u  wanna  summon  a  demon  n  shit  ’  /  horror buff  /  joined  the  alliance  a  bit  late  as  a  substitute  /  shrugs  it  off  bc  he  knows  he’s  a  regular  struggle  bus  when  it  comes  to  keeping  up  w/the  rest  of  the  team  bc  he’s  just  .  .  rly  lowkey  /  rarely  gets  heated 

CONNECTIONS . 

friends  in  general  ! !  ik  he’s  not  the  most  social  &  can  be  mildly  prickly  ,  but  he  actually  does  have  friends  ,  shocker  .  will  prob  throw  some  barbed  remark  every  now  &  then  ,  but  he’s  loyal  to  a  fault  to  anyone  he  gives  a  s/t  abt  ,  there’ll  be  a  lot  of  verbal  sparring  but  he’ll  do  anything  for  u  if  he  trusts  u  .  ok  .  .  .  so maybe  u  gotta  bribe  him  first  tho  . 

cryptid  buddy  !  !  basically  he’s  a  shithead  after  1am  &  drags  this  person  arnd  to  decrepit  places  in  nyc  (  ‘  u  kno  like  .  .  .  3  ppl  went  missing  on  these  grounds  isn’t  that  sick  ?  ?  ’  )  big  time  victim  to  haesung’s  antics  . 

love  hate  /  tom  &  jerry  !  !  he  doesn’t  talk  much  ,  but  when  he  does  ,  it’s  prob  some  sharp  fckin  remark  that  incites  a  fight  ,  100%  there’s  someone  he’s  always  going  to  war  with  verbally  -  they do  kinda  give  a  shit  abt  each  other  tho  .

mentor  !  !  someone  to  kick  his  ass  into  gear  (  has  to  be  alliance  )  &  get  him  a  little  more  motivated  than  he  is  .  

tricked  out  fwb  !  !  sort  of  seeing  either  haesung  sleeping  arnd  no  strings  attached  w/someone  ,  is  simultaneously  rly  close  to  them  &  confides  in  them  .  we  stan  .  .  .  this  kinda  dynamic  . 

romantics  !  !  haesung  is  boo  boo  the  fool  with  realizing  anything  remotely  romantic  ,  it  could  kick  him  in  the  crotch  &  he  still  won’t  see  it  .  i  could  def  see  crushes  ,  genuine  moments  of  love  where  he’s  just  like  shit  .  .  .  tf  am  i  dying  ?  his  heart  beating  a  lil  too  fast  &  he’s  burning  up  so  he  tries  to  self  diagnose  on  webmd 

honestly  give  me  ANYTHING  y’all  love  u  guys  

[crowned-ladybug]

So I said I wanted to see demon AUs that aren’t smut and that I sadly don’t have the energy to make my own rn, and then I went ahead and accidentally made one anyway

So here’s some incomplete notes on it. It’s 2.7k words. I’m so sorry.

Local dumbass heir to the throne (Joseph) doesn’t Wanna be a heir to the throne bc it’s Boring he’s always wanted to be an Adventurer but here he is anyway. Then one night he gets drunk off his ass and manages to?? accidentally summon a demon??? in his friend’s Magic Lab???

(The friend is Avdol and he’s v v tired of Joseph’s shit)

fuckin Joseph made a drunk deal with a demon who Absolutely saw nothing against making a deal with the royal heir currently drunk off his ass bc hey, free deal

luckily the deal wasn’t for Joseph’s soul or firstborn child or half his kingdom or whatever. Instead the deal is a magical bond between Joseph and the demon that allows the demon to share in Joseph’s life energy/general basic human magic and thus be able to exist in the human world in a stable form without having to go home to rest every once in a while or having to maintain like ten spells Just In Case

the demon is doing this whole deal thing bc 1) he Has to, it’s kind of his Job and 2) he’s looking for vengance on a gang of demon hunters who have killed his family but since they’re human, he needs a way into the human world for a longer term to be able to hunt them down

the demon is Caesar in case you haven’t figured that out yet

Joseph is a lot less concerned about having made a deal with a Literal Demon than he should be. He thinks it’s p hilarious actually and Caesar immediately starts having regrets (he’d bond with Avdol over it if he were willing to lower himself to the level of Measly Mortals)

the fun thing is that bc he’s tied to Joseph magically to allow him to freely exist in the human world, Caesar can’t get out of a few mile radius of him, which kinda makes his plans to hunt down the demon hunters (*cough* Pillar Men *cough*) a lot harder and Joseph even more annoying to deal with

the logical solution to that is to pass Caesar off as a servant Joseph befriends, so that he can stay in the castle, and then eventually they can go off on some adventure together to defeat the Pillar Men (or, well, so that Caesar can defeat the Pillar Men while keeping Joseph at arm’s length) which would also mean that Joseph can Finally get his big adventure he’s been dreaming about

then Joseph gets the genius idea to kill even More birds with one stone and decides that Caesar should pretend to be his bf bc all the annoying ass nobles and shit won’t leave him alone about not having a partner and “oh no, you’re of age now, what will happen if you have to take the throne but have no queen by your side?” and everyone keeps trying to woo him and it was fun at first but now it’s just goddamn Tiring

Caesar agrees to it eventually bc Anything as long as Joseph lets him do his research on the Pillar Men in peace. He doesn’t really realise what fake-dating the annoying bastard entails until he’s already too deep into it and he kinda literally can’t go back on his promises to Joseph, being a contract-bound demon

(Caesar looks like a proper demon normally but he Can disguise himself as p much entirely human-looking if he needs to. It takes energy tho, so he reverts back to his demonic looks whenever he’s safe from prying eyes, or if he’s unconscious)

they’re essentially fake-married for magic tax benefits it’s so great

there’s Definitely some Magic Soulbond Shenanigans along the line of “if one gets hurt the other also feels it”

they find out that Caesar reverts to his demonic form when asleep when he pulls two all-nighters in a row looking for information on the Pillar Men and passes out in Avdol’s study, scaring the shit out of poor Avdol. After that they manage to land a room for him in the castle with some lie about him having travelled here from faraway lands (technically true) and having nowhere else to stay (also technically true), but he also spends a lot of his time in Avdol’s study and Joseph’s room without his disguise, solely for convenience’s sake

they ofc have to fool Everyone with the fake dating, including Joseph’s family, bc No One else can know that Caesar is a demon on a quest for vengeance. The worst, most unexpected part for Caesar is that Queen Erina and Lord Speedwagon actually seem to like him?? they’re just genuinely nice to him??? simply bc he’s around Joseph and bc they find him likeable??? he did Not expect Anyone to be nice to him in the human world, what the Fuck, he doesn’t know how to Deal With That

Suzi is Technically a servant but she’s been Joseph’s friend since they were lil kids so she was essentially raised alongside him and they’re best friends and Suzi can only keep Joseph out of dumb shit like half the time bc the other half she’s right there in it with him

she is Entirely unfazed by Caesar, sees through the pretend relationship in like two minutes and knows immeditely that Something Is Up. When she accidentally catches Caesar in his demon form while checking to make sure he’s not stacking all-nighters again, she doesn’t even bat an eye (meanwhile Caesar’s thoughts are entirely “oh fuck do I have to kill her now, Joseph’s gonna kill me if I do, oh fuck, oh fuck”) just tells him to go to sleep on time and then leaves (to call Joseph out on getting himself into even deeper shit than she’d originally thought)

look idk what he does or what relevance he ends up having to the plot but Polnareff is also there, he’s a dumbass knight who’s the reason Joseph knows how to Not fight properly (bc Polnareff has a shitton of dumb tricks and Joseph knows all of them) and has a giant crush on Avdol

god there’s just. A Shitton of dumb shenanigans during their time in the castle, both with the fake-dating (like having to teach Caesar proper royal etiquette and him getting Very confused and flustered when Joseph casually flirts with him) and with hiding Caesar being a demon (they have so many stupid close calls and make so many dumb decisions they Really Shouldn’t, it’s great)

when the time comes to go and find and kill the Pillar Men, it’s only Caesar and Joseph going bc Caesar doesn’t want any more ppl in this mission than absolutely necessary, totally not bc they’re his friends and he worries about them or anything

they get some tips on where to look and how to get there from this weird adventurer dude who passes through the castle on his travels every once in a while. Joseph’s only met him in passing but he thinks he seems fun and has his own dumbass theory that he’s totally some runaway royalty or something. Instead turns out that the dude is half demon and actually related to Caesar and Caesar, being an orphan and all, had thought finding a remaining member of his family would be Way more thrilling but no this dude is just as weird and annoying as Joseph so he’d like a refund pls

(the dude’s Gyro. Ofc it’s fuckin Gyro. Johnny’s there too somewhere I just haven’t figured that out yet. He might actually be the top horse trainer/caretaker/whatever of the castle and the True reason Gyro travels this way every time is bc he’s smitten as hell)

while Gyro gives them some advice he also tells them that hey. Maybe you shouldn’t do this?? esp not just the two of you??? Considering the Pillar Men are known to be ruthless and Very good at killing demons

ofc these idiots Don’t Listen and go after them together anyway

the plan technically is that Joseph stays a safe distance away while Caesar goes and fights the Pillar Men and Totally wins but like. ofc he doesn’t listen and refuses to stay on his ass and let Caesar leave so they go in together anyway

they manage to find Santana alone and Actually Kill Him but it’s a close one, much tougher than anticipated bc as I said before, these dudes are Really Good at killing demons and also just killing in general. It’s also when Caesar realises the full scope of the “if one gets hurt, the other also feels it” part of his bond with Joseph bc Joseph gets hurt worse during the battle and Caesar is so shocked by his own reaction to it that he’s frozen for a moment and it almost costs him his life

that night when they’re camping out after the battle, Joseph reveals that a long while ago he figured out how to break their magic bond without it hurting either of them or sending Caesar right back to his own world. it’s some old spell he found in one of Avdol’s books or something, idk, and at first he’d kept it hidden from Everyone bc he was starting to really like Caesar but knew that Caesar was only around him out of necessity (not true actually but Caesar hid and denied his growing fondness for v v long) and he didn’t want him to leave the moment he realised he Could, even if it was v v selfish of him and he feels like shit about it now. And then later on when it turned out that they’re gonna see this quest through together anyway, he figured it didn’t matter anymore and so he kinda just forgot about it

but he’s remembered it again before they left and packed what he needs for it as a grim Just In Case (and it may or may not be a weird red gem bc yknow, but idk yet) and now he offers to break the bond already bc of how him getting hurt almost got Caesar killed. But Caesar tells him not to, bc it doesn’t matter now and a spell like that would probably take a lot of energy out of both of them when they need everything they’ve got for the upcoming battles

in reality he doesn’t want the bond broken bc it makes him feel like he’s got a right and a reason to stay, without having to fully face just how much he cares about Joseph, and bc it makes sure that Joseph is never far from him and lets him know if he’s hurt and maybe like this he can somehow protect him from getting hurt again

spoiler alert: he can’t

the fight with the other three Pillar Men doesn’t go their way at all. I mean it’s 3 vs 2 and the 3 are Very Good at killing so it should be Expected, but they’re young and dumb and Caesar is stubborn and still thirsting for revenge and if Joseph can’t hold him back then at least he can stay with him

they both get badly hurt and when it looks like it’s just it for both of them, Joseph brings out that spell again and breaks their bond before Caesar could tell him to stop and tells Caesar to run, to get away and don’t even fucking look back, just Go. When Caesar tries to object, Joseph tells him that he’s not dying just so Caesar can get himself killed too and Caesar is too scared to do anything but listen and run as Joseph leaves himself no escape and takes another two of the Pillar Men down with him before Caesar could figure out a way to save him

Joseph survives, Somehow, minus a hand anyway. He wakes up again in his own room in the castle and he has No Idea how he got back or who even found him and his best guess is that Gyro and Johnny have followed them and lbr Avdol’s magic has probably had a part to play in it too

and Caesar is just. Gone. Separated from Joseph and already weak from the fight, he didn’t have enough magic left to remain in the human world for long and thus got pulled back into his own world, and being just a normal demon, he can’t even cross back over without being summoned. But Joseph doesn’t know any of that, he just knows that Caesar is Gone and he strongly doubts he’s coming back bc he hasn’t already and he’s p damn heartbroken about it

meanwhile Caesar isn’t having much better of a time in his own world either. Bc nothing went well, Nothing, but he realises that he doesn’t even care about his revenge plan anymore, he doesn’t care about hunting Kars down and avenging his family. But he’s just lost the only family he’s had Again, the ppl in the castle this time, and he’s stuck here without any way back unless someone accidentally summons him again, and for what he knows Joseph had died to save him and Caesar didn’t even get to say goodbye or bury him

this v shitty state lasts until Joseph’s desperation + a lil nudge from Avdol and Suzi gets him to try summoning Caesar again (bc Joseph decides that if he gets no response at all, if the spell fails, it means Caesar’s really just Gone and he hadn’t made it out alive after all, but having definite knowledge of that will still be better than just Not Knowing and hoping for the rest of his life)

Avdol lets him take his study all to himself and so Joseph settles in during the afternoon and gets to finding the spell which is Not Easy bc he’d been drunk off his ass when he’d first found and performed it. He’s starting to lose hope and think that maybe the spell doesn’t even Exist in Avdol’s books, he’d just butchered a completely different spell and that’s how he got to Caesar, when he Finally finds it, and it’s almost midnight at that point and he’s Exhausted and Scared and Sad and he just Wants This To Work

the spell asks for an offering for the demon’s services, and the first time around Joseph had said something like “idk name your price” which is how Caesar had got the bond he needed (tho Joseph doesn’t actually remember this)

this time he just says “anything” which is a p dumb thing to offer when making a deal with a Literal Demon but he doesn’t care, this is Caesar, he trusts him and he loves him and he’d damn right give anything to just know that he’s okay and maybe get to see him again

and the spell Works it fuckin Works even if it takes a moment and there’s a flash of light and then suddenly there’s Caesar, sitting on the ground in Avdol’s study in all his demonic glory, blinking as his eyes adjust to the dim light and until he sees Joseph sitting on the ground in front of him, crying. And from then on it’s just a big “i thought I lost you” reunion moment that’s so happy it Hurts. They stay sitting on the floor for Hours despite it being late at night, just pressed together and talking about anything and just enjoying each others presence bc they’ve missed each other and thought they’d never see each other again

the next morning Avdol finds them sitting against the wall in a pile and fast asleep and decides to take the day off and goes to find Suzi and Polnareff to tell them the news

idk where the rest of the plot goes yet bc Kars is still out there and Erina and Speedwagon still don’t know about the whole demon thing but have this for now

[ultralaser]

i'm just gonna go ahead and spoil the fuck out of hellboy 2019 bc it's awful and i can't think of a good reason not to

thomas haden church shows up as lobster johnson! but he looks ridiculous, like, a cheap halloween costume version compared to, say, the period costumes in captain america or wonder woman. and he has NO SET UP so he just comes off like a joke, it's not, oh this is a wierd noir pulp hero in **gotham city**, it's, lobster johnson, nazi hunter. is hellboy a world with cool superheroes, and if so, why isn't hellboy one of them? is he an x men now? idk it doesnt work tho

baba yaga shows up! she has a house on chicken legs that's rendered beautifully, but then she has one of the worst face prosthetics i've ever seen, it literally looks like a cheap monster mask from party city. so much for the grace and elegant spookiness of a doug jones suit, this baba yaga mask can't even lip sync well

guy davis kaiju demons show up! but they aren't, cool, they're just, they have as much screen time as the ogdru jahad in hellboy 04, but they show up and start just gruesomly killing ppl, like same with thr giants fight earlier on, the movie uses the r rating to push a lot of just dismemberment, disembowelment, graphic bodily harm, it's gross and mean and dumb and out of character for the comics. therr's the helicopter shot of the tall man walking through the tower bridge, then two bat demons fky up in front of him and tear someone in half and all their guts fall out. what? why

king arthur and merlin show up! merlin is, christian for some reason? and king arthur is boring. this sequence is nearly saved by ian mcshane's narratiom, but not really. witches bad, she created a plague but not, the plague? england is the most important place in history, blah blah, no. king arthur legend of the sword does more with excalibur as a magic artifact, and drunk merlin from transformers the last knight is way more compelling than Christian Merlin, warrior for god

they do the quick ww2 origin flashback, ala thomas and martha wayne, joe chill, pearls. kroenen is there and looks bad, ilsa looks fine, rasputin, tbh feels like they got the same actor who did a poor job in 04, he's generic in a boring way, the whole scene is unnecessary

okay, so, then halfway! through, after hellboy has been sent to england to help the rebel general from rogue one, and they name their perennial giant hunt 'the wild hunt', and they all betray hellboy and stab him with a bunch of spears, and are killed brutally by giants, and then hellboy brutally kills the giants, and is rescued by new girl, who talks to ghosts and was rescued by hellboy from being replaced by a fairy changeling (who is back, running around putting milla back together after king arthur dismembered her and locked her still-living pieces in boxes around england?), and hellboy both knows her from all along but also hasnt been back since, and knows shes a psychic but also hasnt seen her since she was a baby, depending on the scene?

THEN finally daniel dae kim's ben daimio shows up, and he's NOT EVEN IN THE BPRD, he's with british intelligence, and he takes hank's anti-mutation polyjuice serum from days of future past to repress his were-jaguar form, and he has a special gun designed to KILL HELLBOY because he doesnt trust him not to be the actual devil, despite, HIMSELF, being cursed with a monstrous destiny

the scene in the trailer with hellboy, new girl, and daimio on a bprd mission, with hellboy punching daimio to activate his hulking out? THAT'S IN THE **SIX MONTHS LATER** EPILOGUE. the movie ENDS with the three of them finding abe sapien

so this whole thing? is a fucking ORIGIN STORY. it is EVERY SUPERHERO MOVIE FROM 78 TO IRON MAN TWO, it is ONE HERO, ALONE, IN A WORLD WITH NO OTHER HEROES. it's not even the x-men because they're not recruiting hellboy to join their team, it's like if the x-men were just xavier and logan and a nunch of fbi guys.

meanwhile, ddk and new girl are both americans doing british accents, david harbour is still playing hellboy as a 75 year old teenager, and ian mcshane, bless him, is just playing ian mcshane

also, just, i think the intent was for harbour to play it as the stone right hand is just really heavy? but it ends up looking like a cosplayer who misjudged the weight of his prop hand an hour into the con. i want to say del toro did a better job of making it look like, this is actually hellboy's hand, and not, this is ron perlman wearing a wierd prosthetic.

and also, amazing advances in prosthetic technology aside, why didnt they just get dave bautista, if they wanted surly hellboy, or dwayne johnson, if they wanted comic accurate charming hellboy, because neither of those dudes would have needed a muscle suit. hellboy ends up (AGAIN) looking like one of the fucking dwarves in the hobbit, who wore fat suits to look like they were built like john rhys davies, but if they turn their head wrong you can see their prosthetics floating like trump's wig

have the balls to give him his wierd jawline from the comic, or don't fucking bother

okay, okay. OKAY. so, you guys remember the BLOOD TORNADO from blade one, the 'original ending' on the dvd where frost turns into a whirling vortex of blood, and they superimpose the dorff's torso just kind of leaning out of it? and it looked awful both because it's super fake anyways but also unfinished? so, there is an EXTENDED scene where professor mcshane comes back as a ghost, and it's ian mcshane's head pasted onto a super fake ectoplasm tail coming out of new girl's mouth (which also, gross), and they forgot to give him a neck, and he's naked? and it's awful and only not laughable bc, frankly, ian mcshane is a treasure and spends the whole moving swearing a lot

and honestly, the most annoying part is that hellboy 19 cribs the ending from hellboy 04 where hellboy is about to give in to his cursed destiny and join team evil, until some white dude says 'no, stop, you have a choice thanks to your father'

hellboy popped into our plane in 1944 and it is 2019, dude is SEVENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. he is smarter than this shit, or at least, old enough to know better. i'm half his age and i can tell when someone is not negotiating in good faith.

and at least in 04 he was doing it to save liz, in the new movie witch milla ALREADY KILLED IAN MCSHANE and it still takes ghost mcshane to cuss hellboy out back to team good, talking him into using EXCALIBUR to rekill her instead of, destroying the world

and do they reconcile that EXCALIBUR was the key to the hellmouth, that hellboy pulling the sword from the stone started the biblical apocalypse? that england is the villain here? no, they joke that now hellboy is king.

OMG and i forgot merlin shows up again to tell hellboy HE IS LITERALLY DESCENDED FROM KING ARTHUR. his human witch mother fucked satan in the 1600s and gave birth to hellboy in hell, and then four hundred years later rasputin and the nazis summon him to earth as he's still a baby. does this make sense? no. is it comics canon. idk, who cares, it's BAD.

this movie is B A D in almost every way, it is amazing how bad it is. it is clearly a 'gritty' remake of the 2004 film, not in any way a new take on the comics. there are FIFTEEN YEARS of new bprd comics put out since that film for these guys to riff on, and they are still fundamentally misrepresenting beloved characters while also just, making up new bullshit.

but when del toro did that, it was del toro's cool bullshit. this is hellboy from the guys who said 'lets have jaime rape cersei on joffrey's tomb'

[palomadelmara]

i have an essay to write but i can’t focus so its back to Big Hell Hours over here on avas dumb oh sea land dot tumbler dot com

so

if St. Agnes is involved with some fucktup cult stuff (which was always an option but i never knew how to work with it so i left it vague) it only makes sense for it to be the same cultish whack bullshit happening in Lost River? Especially considering Perla knew Finch Pines, there’s no way she wouldn’t know something was up at least, and theres No no way that the cult itself wouldn’t sense something off about Perla herself by the time she meets E. G. Hartwell (because by then she’s not really “Perla” anymore, but rather Diamante in control of her body)

so if this cult finds someone who is literally, like, immortal because she's a pacted demon soul possessing her host’s body, they’d be like “ooh heehoo demons” and start doing the same shit. EXCEPT they don’t get the same results because they’re summoning demons, different types of demons than Diamante, from the underworld or whatever the hell, and it’s not the same as the types of demons that bind to new human souls. not even close

and “Perla” is like “okay listen, instead of you all summoning demons and getting thanos snapped, let me form a separate branch, out where I live, and we’ll try to get ppl forcibly possessed via near death experiences” and the cult is like “oh cheers, sounds great” and lets her skedaddle back to Bakersfield to do that

so ok ok maybe St. Agnes started off as a normal stringent catholic school etc etc, but after “Perla” and her gaggle of bastards branched off from the main cult bastards, and she gained the place of headmistress, that’s when they started their plan to collect/create possessed kids and harness their power the way that was being done with the souls of those who “””””mysteriously disappear””””” in Lost River Valley

this isn’t set in stone im jus throwin ideas out there wildly

[nemirutami]

Excuse me for being a weirdo who backreads people's blogs, but I had a small additional question regarding your answer to this ask here: /171315404167/ Do you also hate Alcor? If so, I'm incredibly curious to know why, since never harbored any ill will towards humanity and genuinely cared for the protagonist. (I realize I'm a little biased as I ship them together, but that's beside the point) I do agree most of the characters' motives and views were pretty selfish though.

I LOVE DESU ASKS.... AS EVIDENT BY THE VERY LONG REPLY... (SORRY!)

I’m glad ppl are reading them bc sometimes I feel like I’m yelling directly at a wall and my opinions are just bouncing right off, but I have an answer for that. 

I think the game did Alcor disservice in how he was represented. He would have benefited more from being impartial (but he isn’t impartial- and I’ll go more into detail about how he meddles to tip the scales) but I will admit anime!alcor was worse and just a sloppy attempt at making a NGE reference- but I won’t go into that because I could write an essay about how shitty the DESU2 anime is (I think everyone can- no one that played the game liked it and I can’t blame them).

The characters I actually can’t stand are: Yamato and Ronaldo. Because they’re actually the ones that actively go out and wipe out even ALLIES for their own benefit, not gonna lie- I might hate Ronaldo just a tiny bit more because of Makoto’s fate events, even if Yamato is just as bad if not worse. On top of that, they’re both awful hypocrites and unlike Yamato where I can kinda see the appeal, Ronaldo is completely unlikable. Even so, I can enjoy ships with Yamato in them. Tho I ship absolutely no one with Ronaldo because why would you evoke that kind of suffering in anyone. 

Everyone else is either bordering on annoying, bland, or just a mean spirited asshole. I feel more sympathy for Keita than I do for Hinako because at least Keita calls everyone a piece of shit, whereas Hinako seems to single out Daichi to shit on... on Daichi’s own route. Fumi also talks down to everyone, but in this case, Daichi’s just caught in the crossfire. Similar with Airi, she hates EVERYONE apparently, and will even punch Jungo. Hinako tho seems to specifically target Daichi on his route like... what the fuck is your problem? You called him an idiot twice in 1 battle Hinako holy shit, go chill??? I will never let this go because BOY was just BREATHING and she went “UGHHH YOU’RE SO STUPID” LIKE LET HIM BREATHE HOLY SHIT IS HE NOT EVEN ALLOWED THAT ANYMORE? 

Anyways, onto Alcor.

There’s a lot of plot holes and inconsistencies surrounding how the summoning app actually works (Alcor invented it after all, and gave it to us to use) and all these inconsistencies just make Alcor look bad from a writing standpoint (more of that below). He could have been a good character had he not been written poorly (Much like Yamato and... like 99% of the cast really. Even Daichi suffers from shit writing and I’ll never forgive them for this.) and had the plot not fucked him in the end and basically had him destined to die even on Daichi’s route (which sucks but is understandable since he is a septentrione) perhaps I’d have actually liked him. 

I tend to love characters that obsess with the protagonist, and they’re usually my absolute FAVORITE characters. I’m really surprised I didn’t jump on Alcor’s ship with the protag because it HAD the setting I absolutely adored for relationships to form? Especially the alien/human dynamic since I came into DESU2 right after exiting NGE so I was IN THE MOOD. Alcor in and of himself was just. Not satisfying to interact with (bored me to tears too) because of his cryptic messages that (more than anything) just waste time and bring the player nowhere unless they rank up to like 4 right before Yamato basically THROWS EXPOSITION AT YOU AND EXPLAINS THE ENTIRE PLOT ON THE 2ND LAST DAY (it’s even worse and comes even more out of nowhere if you haven’t interacted with Alcor at all in his fate events. More disservice. They should have made Alcor’s fate events more intimate and given Alcor more plot relevant lines within the plot itself instead of his events. Much like... Daichi really. They fucked up with Daichi by making his fate events more relevant to his character growth than the actual plot. I guess they did the same for Alcor but truth be told, I remember so little about Alcor because more than anything Alcor just bored me. Never quite pissed me off. Just bored me.) 

Ok, but onto the cake. The things that made me iffy on Alcor’s character in general.

Alcor supposedly gave humans fire and culture and blah blah. Already this is telling me to practice immense amounts of disbelief since it’s well documented how these things came about, but I suppose if no one actually knows the history then they can accept this at face value? I wasn’t tho. He acted responsible for it and it put me in disbelief and just made me think he sounded like an idiot. It also made him seem very arrogant, because it implied people NEEDED to be given culture, and that we just didn’t develop culture and diversity on our own. It implies we were all lifeless husks until he came along and granted it to us. Which is insulting.

The fact he’s a septentrione isn’t foreshadowed well and is very obvious from the second we see him floating and talking to other demons/septentriones since he clearly knows what they’re saying. Not really a character-specific issue. Just more problems of bad writing. “Who is he...” Daichi have you seen a HUMAN float in space like that god fucking damn it i love you but why u so duMB WHY YOU ALL SO DUMB IT’S CLEARLY EITHER A DEMON OR A SEPTENTRIONE, THE REAL QUESTION IS- WHY IS HE HELPING US?

Btw that’s another point. Why is he helping us? Oh, right, because he messed up.

He doesn’t want Yamato’s world, but he gave Yamato the power to reform society. Then, when Yamato tries to do what Alcor granted him the means to do, he’s like. Hm. Well. Shit? This guy’s a fucking psycho. Time to place my bets on the protagonist instead (which he does favor a lot- which doesn’t make him impartial really since he clearly favors explaining things more to Hibiki/Protag than anyone else in the game, and it puts everyone else at a disadvantage when a GOD LIKE ENTITY is behind the protag boosting him to make the “right” choice for humanity). I know Alcor was fascinated by humans and wanted them to live (which is fine), yet he didn’t bother to warn the MILLIONS that died (and remained dead in one of the endings- thanks Alcor) due to his negligence. Knowing about it and at least not issuing a warning is cruel. Sure, he gave people the demon summoning app, but the app was considered a “prank site” (nice advertisement, Alcor) as Daichi said at the start of the game (which i hate more than Yamato himself. Daichi. This. This idiot. This idiot signed his best friend up to a DEATH SITE just cus LOLS- the writing is bullshit, and I really disliked early Daichi, too. I disliked some of later canon-Daichi too because he was just rendered to a joke outside his Fate Events). The writing is really unfair on everyone, and it doesn’t help that the app doesn’t work the way it’s advertised to work anyways, seeing as Alcor can twist it to do what HE needs it to do at any time.

For example, the app is said to send death videos regarding people you’ve made a bond with, but clearly that’s all bullshit considering Alcor manually sends Hibiki a warning (and only Hibiki alone) of Otome’s death video so that NO ONE BUT HIBIKI CAN SAVE HER. This implies he can manipulate the death videos personally and exclude others from receiving videos. This. This is not kind. Not at all. I know he was testing Hibiki, but at THIS RISK? Losing Otome can FUCK YOUR PERFECT RUN and outside game mechanics, ELIMINATE ANOTHER HUMAN LIFE. If he wanted to, he could kill characters he actually doesn’t like this way by basically not sending the videos out to people, which, if you don’t go to save Otome right away- will be the end of her. He’s putting all his bets on you alone and testing you by cutting off everyone else from the app- potentially hindering backup to save Otome. Sure, you save her but you can just as easily kill her. I can’t say this wasn’t a sleazy test because he was basically playing with Otome’s LIFE and showed no signs of remorse. Some love for humans you have Alcor. Shit dude. This isn’t kind at all.

But I guess these are my main qualms about him- at least the ones I remember- but take everything I say with a grain of salt bc I tried to avoid confrontation with him completely in my 2nd and 3rd run so I have vague memories lingering. I don’t hate him? I can actually like him if he’s written well by other people, but given how he is in the game, I can’t say I ever enjoyed interacting with him. He didn’t annoy me other than the 2 times I’ve stated above, where he basically talks down to us about how we got to our culture and how he kinda lets Otome PERISH if we don’t respond quickly enough. I know it was a test to the protagonist’s will, but aren’t the septentriones a test enough of my conviction, Alcor, honestly. Unlike Airi, Hinako, Keita, and everyone else, Alcor doesn’t annoy me at all. Io annoys me more, if not only because the game wanted Daichi to be plot relevant only for Io to get all the spotlight. Io is genuinely maybe the better written character- it’s just such a shame they flipflop on her as a lead when in any other game, she could easily have been a lead. Her love triangle kills any enjoyment I get from her at all tho and just makes me bitter. More bad writing- who would have guessed.

Tho from a shipping standpoint? You can ship Alcor with Hibiki for good reasons, obviously. There’s a clear connection and fascination there that doesn’t surprise me people flock to (because I would have been there too had they just written him better). I don’t really mind the ship itself. When I say “i don’t mind it” I just mean I don’t feel anything for it and I’d probably not draw it for myself. There are really no ships I hate or really... dislike? There’s just stuff I don’t ship, but I can definitely ship Hibiki/Alcor if it was for a plotpoint of some kind in a fic or art or whatever. It depends on the idea really. 

I guess it’s too late to say something like this so far into the post, but I like to believe that ANY ship works if the construction/buildup to it is good enough. I believe you can make any character do/say anything under the right circumstances with the right motives without it being OOC or feel out of place. I’d like to think talent is wicked like that- a double edged sword of risky ideas that can either make or break your interpretation/perception depending on how you build it up. Though, that takes effort. Something DESU2 sadly lacks in a lot of ares, but it’s still a game worth playing for the experience and I wouldn’t not recommend it for the good parts that are (while few) really, really good.

[adhdvane]

i have so much angel halo fodder to farm but its magna fes so now is the best time to do it anyways i’m gunna try and 5* eahta today/tomorrow/at least before 25th is a reasonable goal. i need to max 11 more silver relics so 11 lazuline vessels for that + it takes 745990 exp (approximately ~25 lazuline vessels) to go from lv 1 to 150 (but I might be able to do it in less with journey drop boosts when using them since it seems to say that journey drop boosts and such only have no effect on the exp gain when putting weapons into the reserve and not the act of using the vessel on a item and vessels are also special considering unlike other exp upgrader items they can have a chance of grand success and its double jour drops right now so might as well) then other than that all i need are 6 more silver centrums, 4 of which i can get from just hosting the raid twice today (if i somehow get blessed i can get all six if i can get them to drop from the share chest both times) (otherwise getting 8 more heavenly horns from just joining raids to get 10 to trade for the other 2 centrums will be easy) (i have the two peacemaker stars for the two hosts) (i then proceeded to ramble too long so the rest is under the cut. ii keep writing shit out tat’s too long and then just deleting everything and never posing my rambling anymore but like fuck it at this point im keeping this)

and that’s it, i already did the awakening step on all 10 katanas yesterday which was the most painful step bc need 500 white dragon scales will always be the worst step in my opinions, which is why i spent yesterday getting to like 438 yesterday using the campaign exclusive quest (bc the drop rate for scales on that quest is surprisingly amazing considering the low ap cost even after you’ve done it 30 times) (but i ended up quitting 438 and then proceeded to buy the remaining 62 with cerulean stone bc i have a bunch still and tbh the only thing worth spending cerulean stones on are white dragon scales or shit like translucent silk, broken teacup, coverging rays, etc bc the drop rate for those is stupid, and i guess technically i’m going to need those 50 jumbo best bones when i get to the 5* part of death, but i still have more than enough stones if i wanted to buy all 50 of those drops and i’ll defiantly be getting even more after the roulette starts so i’m not even concerned, bc yeah i got the sunlight stone now for death but i’m still pretty damn far from deal w/death, though maybe not as far as i think if i just remember to host my go and primarch raids for a couple days, wow yeah actually im stupidly closer than i thought bc im only 12 celus fragments from all 30 i need, the only annoying issue in the last step is going to be taking the time to farm the 10 primeval horns bc sometimes they don’t drop when you join proto hl, i know its guaranteed from share i’m just always weary about hosting that raid since it is 18-man elixir limited and i can’t solo it, and have had a time in the past were i was only joined by people leaching and it sucks when only you and like 1 other person contribute. so i always feel better join one bc i can make a decent contribution (and even like sort of mvp race or usually more vice mvp race for like 2nd or 3rd) (okay one time i joined a proto baha hl raid that was between like 70~60% bc it was on earth and 8 ppl already, and upon joining discovered like most of them had jumped ship, and the log was dead and was like well fuck, but started raiding anyways, and trying to send back up requests anyways, ended up getting some momentum, painfully got it always through to 50% dark by my self (kind of annoyed i took my light grid with my spheric harp bc i thought it was going to be an instance were it would get to 50% super fast so the off element wouldn’t matter and not that everyone but host had retreated) and then like around ~45% another person finally joined and me and this one other person destroyed the rest of the boss in like a minute, that was one of like 4 or 5 times i’ve mvp’d proto baha hl upon joining. tbh i kinda wish i knew what the host was doing, like if they were sitting there watching, was afk, or had like left the raid page to do other things. like if they were just hoping someone would come in and beat it for them, or had sorta given up but didnt want to fully end the raid just incase, look okay i just felt fucking good thinking i helped out a lower rank player get through a hl raid that they were abandoned on by several other players who appeared to have either not being strong enough, or joined saw the damage and jumped ship bc it looked like it was going to fail. though if i remember correctly the time limit was pretty far gone so that’s probably also why no one was joining, i was just a dumb fuck who didn’t look at the time before i joined, then realized, and then just fucking felt bad and was like well fuck it lets see how far i can go by myself bc clearly everyone else is dead and i don’t have anything to lose and im not stoping anyone else from potentially saving this bc there’s still like 7 slots open that anyone can join at any time...) anyways the last thing i wanted to say was i remember i was like a little peeved when they announced everyone who finished chapter 4.5 in the demon slayer collab would get kengo for free bc FARMING FOR KENGO AROUND THE TIME IT CAME OUT HURT BC I HADN’T BEEN HL FOR VERY LONG SO IT TOOK A LOT OF EFFORT, esp like bc extra II class suck worse than row iv bc you have to make the ccw element change for every goddamn class. but i was glad they compensated us with materials and i was mostly just glad for the extra silver centrums and steel brick (even tho i just realized i have fucking 50 steel bricks where the fuck did those come from like i don’t remember having so many), but i remember thinking to myself like oh wow thank 40 samurai distinctions, thats so useful, wow, what am i going to do make another murakumo and unsigned kaneshige?? i think im good. guess those will sit there forever... and then a couple days ago when i started thinking about finishing eahta up since i literally finished farming the demon slayer event the day after the second half was unlocked (when u can just auto extreme+ with ur fire team u don’t have to do shit, i got all the items i wanted and after than even played to get the 200 battle trophy for the heck of it. i only wanted the tickets, ring, dama crystals, steel, summon unlock mats just ‘cause those spellbooks, skill jewels, the fire urns bc i know they’re farmable but they’re annoying and i am low on fire urns, and then i was like i guess the summon since it’s a 1 copy only thing and can’t be reduced even though i’ll literally never use it bc i have gabriel and gabriel has a sub aura, i guess maybe it could be potentially useful for prometheus solo’ing because of the 1 turn debuff resistance, but the times i did solo prometheus i never had problems running out of veils or clears and tbh garnet carbuncle has a shorter cooldown and again i’ve got lily and gabriel already (and 5* lucifer now) so like i’d much rather have my four summon slots for that be gabe, moon ssr, luci, garnet carbuncle. (heck i don’t even take extra damage cuts for the wilnas trial vane, lily, gabriel, and 5* feower’s gravity and delaying the everloving shit out of wilnas is enough for me, though i’ve never done the raid so maybe it would be helpful there.) anyways then i just spend the rest of the event drops on half elixers, and back to what i was saying i was thinking about finishing eahta and looking at all the mats i need and then remember oh yeah i need 30 class distinctions don’t i? which ones do i need for eahta??? oH THAT’S RIGHT. SAMURAI DISTINCTIONS. so that fuckin worked out perfect (not that i don’t have the pendents to just buy them anyways). anyways im going to shut up now and probably never re-read any of this ramble i wrote ever again bc adhd brain be like no read only write

[irregodless]

so like. id post a real review of the bye bye man but none of you care. nor should you.

the bye bye man was just plain bad. it wasnt hilariously bad. it wasnt even cringe-ily bad. it was just plain bad.

if youre morbidly MORBIDLY curious i recommend you go see it ONLY on a nice saturday night when theres more likely to be more people watching it. those are the ONLY circumstances you should see the bye bye man under. because with any luck youll have an audience like ours where nobody took it seriously and you could all laugh about how bad it is together.

it’s not worth renting and its def not worth buying. not even for a small viewing with your friends. fifteen bucks is also a steep price to pay for a communal bonding experience, so allow me to recommend: not watching it at all. or tbh paying for a better movie and sneaking in to see it

its only any good with an audience that makes fun of it. and even then it was only good for about fifteen minutes.

in case youre morbidly curious but also dont want to LITERALLY waste your money; a review underneath:

first and foremost the bye bye man himself looks like lord palpatine and voldemort had a kid

mixed with that beauty and the beast ripoff with the guy and the tattoos

MIXED with ruvik from the evil within

now what IS it?

its a worse version of freddy krueger. nightmare on elm street had charm to it, yknow? it was kind of a comedy. it made fun of horror. freddy was an enjoyable character. there was also a story behind it, even if it took a few sequels to get to

spoilers oncoming, obviously

the bye bye man, seemingly, is an escapee from the teenagers prison part of fosters home for imaginary friends because the first and only time he was every mentioned coming up was when a kid blamed killing his entire family on “the bye bye man.”

the reason its a ripoff of freddy krueger, by the way, is because the bye bye man only exists as long as anybody knows his name. as long as someone remembers he exists he DOES exist. which makes it an obnoxious and probably lame metaphor about how we “give our thoughts power”

the film also neglects to tell what would happen if you said “bye-bye, man” to someone. we dont know if that would summon him

but basically what happens is someone learns his name and because LOL ITS SO RIDICULOUS LOL (the movie acknowledges this but acts poorly on it by not even making it interesting or a big deal) people spread it and tell others. but theres no reason hes named the bye bye man. theres no big fuck at the end where some deep hidden meaning (or even obvious meaning in that he makes you go bye bye) where it ALL MAKES SENSE AND GIVES U CHILLS

if they wanted it to be better, to prove how ridiculous it was we could “give power” to this idea and spread it because its silly they LITERALLY just should have gone with “peepee poopoo man” like honestly

but we get 0 backstory as to where he came from. not even like. “OOO EVIL INDIAN VOODOO LOL” like NOTHING WE DONT KNOW WHERE HE CAME FROM THEY DIDNT CARE THEY JUST WANTED TO THROW SOME SPOOKY AMBIANCE AND SOME JUMPSCARES TOGETHER AND MAKE SOME MONEY IT SUCKS SO MUCH

anyway

once you know the name you start hallucinating and all you can think about is the bye bye man and you end up coming into danger the longer it is until something bad happens.

HOWEVER

only one character dies because of this. she sees a car crash and a dying family and runs to save them (which is the same way the family of the person she was driving with died, which means it would have made more sense for HIM to see that and get worked up over it. not to mention she was canonically sensitive to spirits so just by being in close proximity to him itd make sense shed see their death scene which means we dont even know that the bye bye man caused that to happen. and shes the only case of the bye bye man “killing” anyone. just knowing his name torments people with intrusive thoughts and nightmares which could be explained by................................ mold or mental illness.)

so bc you know his name you get nightmares and nono thoughts and the only way to kill him is to kill everyone who knows about him so they cant spread his name. but somehow he always sticks around. BECAUSE SOME ASSHOLE WHO KNEW NOBODY COULD KNEW HIS NAME. CARVED THE BYE BYE MANS FUCKING NAME INTO A DRESSER FOR EVERYONE TO FUCKING FIND. IF HE KNEW NOBODY COULD KNOW HIS NAME. WHY DID HE PUT IT THERE? OR DID THE BYE BYE MAN PUT IT THERE? BUT CAN THE BYE BYE MAN STILL EXIST IF NOBODY KNOWS? CAN HE MANIPULATE THE PHYSICAL PLANE? if the bye bye mans name exists on paper but nobody knows it, by platos/socrates forms does he still exist in some capacity?

let me make a list of all the things the bye bye man HIMSELF has been shown to do DIRECTLY (there is no proof he even causes the nightmares)

fed his demon dog dead people

randomly appeared in the house

scratched up the bricks on the fence outside the house

poked the guy in the forehead (im not even joking. he doesnt do shit at the end. he just boops the guy on the head to the tune of the doorbell ringing and then the guy kills himself because its “too much” apparently)

the bye bye man did nothing wrong

the bye bye man LITERALLY DID NOTHING WRONG

HE DIDNT DO ANYTHING

HE JUST WANTED TO FEED HIS DOG. AND BY ALL CONCEPTS, U COULD JUST SEE THAT AS HIM BEING A DEATH GOD. THE REAPER. HIS DOG COMES AND EATS UR BODY AS A REPRESENTATION OF DECAY (since his dog is like. giant and skinless itself.)

so yeah the movie doesnt even prove that the bye bye man is doing anything actively malicious. maybe the bye bye man WANTS people to forget about him maybe he doesnt want people getting into his business

so.

-no backstory -harmless antagonist -boring jumpscares -unlikable characters (he has ONE intrusive thought his gf is cheating on him with his bff and “SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY WRONG HERE!!!!” and immediately starts grilling them, assuming they ARE having an affair) which brings me to: -barely anything happens and they start freaking out because somethings wrong (she zoned out and doodled in her notebook and he had a nightmare, and suddenly theyre super defensive about it) -a twist at the end that doesnt even ultimately matter -FUCKING OPENING FOR A SEQUEL LIKE PLEASE FUCK OFF -stupid name with a DECENT concept that was executed horribly because they didnt know wtf they were doing. the concept, btw, was only DECENT. and even if it had been a dumb metaphor about the power we give to ideas, maybe that should have been focused more heavily on than being a throwaway line ONCE during the beginning of the movie -annoying seance scene with nonbelievers and SUPER DUPER REAL PSYCHIC, WE SWEAR

it was just bad dont watch it

EDIT: also they did nothing with the fact that “ooh, you the audience thought it was silly but u all kno his name and told ppl and everyone is @ risk.... now U ALL NEED TO DIE!!!! MUAHAHALOLHAHA”