#some of it included; I almost got a grippy sock vacation twice | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mutalune · 10 months ago

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love going on the “hi yeah I haven’t even looked at my inbox/messages for months sorry sorry sorry it’s nothing personal my life’s just been in shambles and I’m starting to pick it back up even though I know I’m gonna drop all the pieces at least 3 more times before the year’s over” shame tour I’mma make t-shirts later for it

#starlight personal #gonna be actually answering the questions in my inbox #planning to post the notes for tmagr since I’m probs never gonna finish it #and I’m making 0 promises to have any kind of consistent online presence #b/c I’ve learned it’s best for my mental health to delete these apps when I’m approaching crisis mode #so I’ll just be like the fun uncle who shows up to holidays with a six pack of nonalcoholic beer;#chats about whatever #slides you a $20 #and disappears for the next 2 years #tbf 2023 was a horrible year okay it was so bad #some of it included; I almost got a grippy sock vacation twice #i tried a few new meds and they all sucked and i went through Literal Drug Withdrawal to the point i was sick for a month and lost 30lbs #i started ketamine treatment and experienced ego death twice!!!! horrifying!!!!!#i got my manager fired #i got my coworker fired #everyone else on the team quit and j was the last one left #my cat died and it was the worst thing that ever happened and it still hurts so bad #the person i thought would be a forever best friend was just. not there for me. and b/c i was struggling and not putting in 150% effort #the friendship just. died. and we live 5 min away from each other yet she’s out of my life forever #it’s for the best but that’s a different kinda grief man #ANYWAY I HAD A TERRIBLE YEAR #2024 is off to a somewhat better start but I’m keeping expectations low #first ketamine appt of the year was. brutal. and tough. and it’s been over a week and I still feel raw #everyone who knows about ketamine: it helps you process emotions and trauma and brings those things to the surface so u can work on them #me when it brings trauma to the surface and makes me feel my feelings: this is HORRIBLE what the FUCK my entire innards are exposed and raw #I forgot how easy it is to babble in the tags like this it doesn’t feel real since I doubt anyone will read all of this lmao #god I’d kill for some weed rn BUT HAHA YEAH ANKTJER SHITTY PART LF 2023 I GOTTA CUT BACK ON WEED #can’t even have one bad coping skill like come on

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