staceyscribbling

[tiredsmashbros]

Memories : part one

2k words ; tsb fanfic

the battle was intense. that's all smg4 could think about. chest tightens while engulfed in fear as he dodges the attacks of a giant mallet aiming at him. barely escaping the impact by an inch. the mallet belonging to non other than the person who has been impacting smg4's life into a spiral of endless stress. the suspicious behavior pattern, lack of consideration of others, unrealistic cartoon language and logic, and even his mysterious background are what made smg4 legs shake. yet the fellow still showed acts of kindness, thoughtfulness, a sense of genuine... nothing made sense! what's worse, smg4 never expected anything weird coming from this guy from their first introduction, he genuinely was quite excited for a new friend who seemed so silly, and intrigued by the memes he shared. yet... here he was now. fighting what felt like for his life. he didn't know what to do but be on the defensive side as he grew tired and weak. doing his best to sustain stamina as the yellow, blue maniac wasn't even breaking a sweat.

"stop this man! this isn't like you!" smg3 shouted, in the hope of verbally knocking some sense into the propeller-wearing individual, despite already countless efforts beforehand. striking a punch on tsb's face, losing his grip on his mallet.

"you don't know him." the body of tsb responded, his voice giving an unusual echo, eyes narrowed exposing his brown iris, accompanied by an uncanny smile that spread across his face. letting out a childish chuckle, tsb pulls his head back and strikes onto smg3 with a head-butt move. receiving a pained groan in response to the quick attack. smg4 rushed over to aid smg3 from falling over, standing beside his guardian partner, yearning to protect him but fueled with caution of the maniac man in front of them.

"let's try our meme powers again!" smg4 suggested to smg3, catching his breath in between.

"that method is futile." tsb spoke, almost monotone, his head dripping from the side of his shoulder, "you are too tired. you don't have enough energy to input something effective." he added.

smg3 clicked his tongue, eyes filled with anger yet with a touch of sorrow. seeing tsb talk and act this way made smg3 feel uneasy. something felt off by the way he spoke and the usage of vocabulary. his mind clouded with memories, being reminded of the silly obnoxious man that would bounce out of nowhere, someone he'd spent having long talks of comfort, a bro to always be there to help... to now him aiming to beat him down till he couldn't stand on either foot. "he's right," smg3 softly spoke, "nothing we do will work. we can't beat him..." smg3 added in a defeated tone.

"finally that's progress into your head!" tsb exclaimed, adding in a child-like giggling, giving the two guardians chills down their spines. till suddenly a lightbulb sparked inside smg4.

"wait that's it!" smg4 said. "into your head!"

"what in the hell are you-" smg3 spoke, but he was interrupted by his hand being pulled away by his blue counterpart.

puzzled yet intrigued, tsb grins and starts the chase after the smg's. staying somewhat close behind, but far enough to make the chase more of a game instead. dragging his body unnaturally on purpose.

smg3 got a hold of his stance, running behind smg4 but flustered by the sudden hand grab turned into holding. "b-baka! w-where are we-"

"while i was locked up by tsb and by that weird pink sand time guy," smg4 interjected, "right before you guys found me i was starting my escape when i accidentally stumbled upon watching him put a weird helmet device onto tsb's head." the two running out of the dark void they were formally at, to a slim hallway of the same black stardust material on the walls, floor, and ceiling. "and that is relevant how?" smg3 queried, puzzled, taking a mental note of tsb following them behind. yet tsb wasn't close enough to listen to the smg's conversation.

"that helmet device is the key! i overheard that sand guy its used to go into memories of mortals!"

"so why did he put one on tsb? to manipulate and control him or some shit?"

"m-maybe? i don't know yet! but it's our ticket to hopefully stopping this rampage of his before that cartoon legit kills us! you're close with him, maybe you can try punching his chaotic shit out of his mind?" smg4 quizzed.

"pfftha! that i can do!" smg3 cheered, a smirk blooming across his face. becoming aware of the possibility of potentially saving his friend who may be mind-controlled, it just made sense! the tsb he knew would never act this strange or dangerous. an observation thought the purple guardian kept to himself, fully aware of what his partner may have opinionated if spoken aloud. smg3 may love his guardian partner, but he knows for a fact from the small crescent of his emo heart who tsb truly is as an individual. even if smg3 lacks personal background and proof to support his belief, he would curse smg4's name for believing it. he only hopes that one day smg4 could realize for himself, how wrong he is about the silly looney toon. only time could tell as smg4 continued to lead them to what seemed like an endless dream space. seeing the same black void tingled confusion in his mind, it felt like an illusion even seeing the same thing repeatedly. his eyes giving a sense of lost in reality.

finally, smg4 jerked into an open room of an iron door, a space surrounded by chalkboards, paper, technology equipment, and science shenanigans smg3 took note of. smg4 immediately began searching for one of the helmet devices he mentioned, successfully within seconds smg4 found it and held it high in accomplishment. it was shaped and looked like a thick, solid helmet made for riding bicycles, painted all white accompanied by a red, yellow, and blue stripe down the center of the headwear. immediately, smg4 began searching for a second one to complete the mind transaction process. just as he does, tsb creepily walks in announcing his entrance, "back by popular demand...ME!" the 'me' delivered in an almost demonic-like vocal expression.

smg3 let out a small cry in surprise, retreating to smg4's side, praying now that smg4 was right about this plan. "alright 3, you grab ahold of him as best you can in a still position so i can input this on top of his stupid head!" smg4 ordered, moving to the side cautiously eyeing tsb.

smg3 nodded, "got it." he spoke not as enthusiastic as before, as he began to mentally prepare to hold that crazy cartoon maniac down after already a long fighting session as his life seriously depended on it. he prepped his stance, knees bent down at a 90-degree angle, spreading his legs for a wider range. "come on now then, big boy! show daddy how much you love him!" smg3 shouted, fanning his hands as a motion to invite tsb to come at him.

tsb manically laughed, full sprinting and pouncing at smg3 letting out a fnaf 2 foxy jumpscare scream. immediately the two began wrestling hitting and smacking down tables and chairs that flooded the room, papers flying above as cords being detached were heard. smg3 attempts to land punches to only then be received with a bite on his arm instead. smg3 bit his lip in an attempt to hold in his screams of pain and instead used it as the perfect opportunity to flip their positions with smg3 now on top of him. pressing his arm further back into tsb's mouth to stabilize him with his head in an upward locked position, despite the bottom half of his body being twisted the other way due to his unnatural body physics. using his other hand to aggressively stabilize tsb's hands, whereas his foot locked down tsb's legs.

smg4 stood on the sidelines, patiently and anxiously waiting for smg3 to hold the cartoon still, and just as his partner did smg4 rushed in without a second thought placing the device on top of tsb's head. swiftly removing tsb's propeller hat to prevent it from getting in the way. remembering how the pink sand man did it on him by pressing a black button on the side to activate it. after it was finally set on tsb's head, smg4 took a step back watching as the man pinned on the ground attempted to remove the helmet to no avail.

"now what!?" smg3 yelled with a struggled tone, growing anxiously impatient and mentally screaming in agonizing pain, grinding his teeth hard as tsb only dug his teeth deeper into the purple guardian's arm urgently attempt for freedom.

"okay, okay, i just need you to hold your head still and i'll place the second helmet on you so you can mind travel into his crazy brains or whatever!" smg4 hurriedly said, just as panicked as his guardian partner. swiftly grabbing the second helmet he had behind him and rushing towards back to smg3.

however, tsb did not like the plan these partnered guardians were cooking up. this time, putting all his energy into brute force to twist smg3 down to the opposite side of smg4's path to prevent him from putting the helmet on.

the purple meme guardian screamed in agony as his head harshly hit the floor, his body positioned awkwardly to be kept down by tsb. smg4 jolted from the sudden change of control and stood frozen in fear. to tsb's misfortune, smg3 was still holding onto tsb's hands enough to continue to prevent him from manually removing the helmet. yet the catch was there was no safe possible way to input the helmet onto smg3's head without tsb interfering.

"smg3! i-i can't find a safe spot to put the helmet on you!" smg4 said worriedly, fearful of his plan coming to a defeat. it couldn't end like this, he needed to think of something! tsb only laughed to himself, concluding by default victorious without the consideration of smg3 coming to a concluded thought. a thought that not only would help them win on top but a thought that may finally answer his prayers for the person he cared most to finally understand.

"s-smg4," the purple counterpart started, "YOU have to put the helmet on!" this suggestion surprised both his partner and the animated cartoon. "you can't put it on me, but it's not impossible for you to put it on yourself. YOU got to go inside this dumb dr. pepper loving asshole's brains and fix him!"

"i-i can't do that!" smg4 stuttered, shaking anxiously realizing the aim smg3 was getting at.

"yes you can! you can do it for me or for hell's sake do it for tari! she needs out help! we can't waste anymore time smg4!" smg3 exclaimed impatiently.

"i don't know how-"

"NEITHER DO I!" smg3 bursted, "but you trust and believe in me enough to do it anyways from the start! i trust and believe right back at you man." smg4 stood idly shocked, and to his surprise so did tsb. catching himself staring into tsb's eyes, they were still narrowed like before but... this time he could see a white arrow-shape glimmer in them. it almost felt like he was pleading for him to do so, to put on the helmet... but why? as if lost time on a timer, tsb's eyes reeled back to maniac mode, and resumed his attempt to freed himself from smg3's bearable grasp. "DO IT NOW FOUR!" smg3 yelled as he pushed in all his remaining energy to hold tsb down.

in a hesitant instance, smg4 removed his hat and put the helmet on. "NOOO!" screamed tsb in a higher echoed pitch, an unrecognized voice that didn't belong to tsb. with one more glance at his best friend, the two meme guardians gave each other an agreeable nod as smg4 pushed the button. with one final physical motion as smg4 could hear the technology within the helmet activate, smg4 raised his arm up, and gave a thumbs up.

to be continued...

...

...

...

fri: “watchman” was an outworldly entity, one could even label a god, but they were much more than that. an entity by physical appearance built up by particles of pink fluidity sand. as if a piece had its own consciousness. watchman was a playful being, understood empathy, sympathized with others, and yearned to nurture those suffering in pain. romantical pain even. always watching love play… always… watching… tick tock. 

[4thwallbreakerdraws2]

NEXT BATCH IS HERE!

Submissions are closed for now!

It’s been fun y’all!! Stay tuned to for some projects of mine >:)

This is imagine what I imagine he looked like when he landed. Bro was probably thinking something along the lines of “Wtf are these weird people.” Ofc he has to meet the weird TV head of all people, ah maaaan. I love Star’s character development throughout his story! Like yeaaaaah, BEAT HIM UP!! SHOW HIM HE DOESNT CONTROL U ANYMORE!!

@blveblvrr

Been some time since I drew anthros so I hope this one looks good lol I love her ability, it’s very unique and the fact that she’s based on cat memes is also very cute haha. Love the small pop cat doodle too!

@sydsfandomhub

AN ANTAGONIST HELLO THERE

Man I love the stoic guys , they are always so entertaining to watch and I can just imagine how fun it is to have this guy in the SMG universe with all those chaotic people around haha I also love their design a lot!! If the wings look weird it’s because I haven’t drawn those a lot in my life kskssl

@kittykibbl

YOUUUUUU…

I said so often I would draw this guy AND THEN I NEVER DID. But now finally….I mentioned it before but I love his looks. He gives me Fresh and Party MK vibes and I ADORE IT. Let this man make the world into a musical, I don’t care if he’s a tad antagonistic. He’s just sill your honor!!

@strange0-0storm

I chose 7 because he just spoke to me lol He gives off menace vibes and embodies the Luigi feeling while still being original! I also love how you messed with the numbers on the head! Makes a lot of sense with the being viruses!

@bear-boi-5

Silly little goober we’re the first words that came into my head lmao

I love your artstyle by the way, it makes your drawings look really alive! As for this guy, they were a challenge but also a joy to draw.

If I pat them, will I get bitten?

@troubldteenz

Another silly guy…I love creatures who have floating hands or other limbs and I love cats. So yeah, save to say I loved drawing this dude haha. They look really sweet!

@tophatwearingidiot

Another SMG who needs a serious and long nap, where is the chloroform /silly

Nah but seriously, I can see you put work into his design and story. (I still need to get caught up with the revelation arc) but I would love to hear more about his story!

@oddopossum

Menace material spotted!! Again a character that was super fun to draw, especially the hair. I love how long and fluffy it is!! The doodles you sent were also really funny to look through. 6 appears to be a force to be reckoned with lmao

@echostarsys

MR MONITOR MENTIONED!! This dude is probably fed up with all the traffic rules Puzzles must have broken every time they cross paths. I say they are allowed to send Puzzles car to demolition when he parks in the middle of the street the next time /silly

@vertical-tacos

PIRATES YESSSS

I was missing my pirate content in this fandom but low and behold, someone made a character based on those after all! I love how you designed the guardian pod! It looks very cool to me!!

@p0p33-k3da

[oiladgivememoney99]

MD-5 Cruelty Squad: Big Pharmakokinetiks

Tari walked into the Cruelty Squad headquarters, the building was as raggedy as ever… I mean it had only been a single day since she had been hire, so else what did she have to expect?

She sauntered through the grimy, yet somehow still blank white halls of the HQ into the meeting room. Still as quaint as ever with a table, some chairs, and a blackboard being the only real features in it.

The rest of the team was also in there: Masa, Sofia, Lamar and Lucinia.

“Hey, wonderin’ when you were gonna show up,” Lamar said, leaning back in his chair like he wasn’t about to be told to go kill someone. (Or maybe that was a normal reaction, Tari never really spoke to a lot of people at TASCorp)

Sofia was practically shaking in her chair, to the point where it nearly fell over at like three different points. “I am so excited for this oh my god! We haven’t had a good hit in years,”

“Our last job was a week ago, Sofia,” Lucinia deadpanned, staring at the fidgeting, now pouting blonde with sisterly smugness.

Tari casually sat down, Masa was standing in front of the blackboard with a piece of chalk.

“Settle down everyone, now that everyone’s here we can begin,” He said blankly. “Pharmakokinetiks LLC owns the vast majority of the pharmaceutical industry,”

“Booooo, we hate monopolies,” Sofia made a megaphone with her hands.

“Actually, they’ve hired us to solve a problem for them. Sigismund, the manager of their nearby Cancer City location has embezzled a large sum of money, and spent it on… fucking Slurpcoin,”

“Fuck’s sake, they hired a Biocurrency Bro?” Lucinia facepalmed.

“Listen man, Weebcoin is gonna blow up soon… then y’all will be worshippin’ me,” Lamar chuckled.

The rest of the crew stared at him silently before going back to listening to Masa.

“We’re going in to kill him, along with his accomplice Jerry who’ll be in the conference room, they’re holding a meeting today,”

“Should be easy… should we head off now?” Lucinia asked.

“Yes, does anyone have any questions before we leave though?”

“Why aren’t they doing it themselves?” Tari asked. “Why are they hiring us,”

“They need it to look like a terrorist attack; their stock value will go down if they get caught killing their own managers,” Masa blankly explained. “Anything else?”

Tari shook her head, adjusting her green shades as the gang headed into the outside of the base. They got in Lucinia’s car and prepared to drive to the building…

---

The drive was short and boring, Sofia spent the whole thing trying to get under Lamar’s skin; Tari was silent as ever as they stopped outside the Two story Pharmaceutical building. It looked clean on the outside with windows leading into a flat interior with a couple security guards dotted around wielding standard SMGs alongside a couple of “Dogs”, at least that’s what they were called. Stange quadrupedal creatures with overly large large mouths on the front of their bodies, and putrid rotting skin.

“Alright, I’ll be here if you get injured, die, or when you need to leave,” Lucinia reassured, little emotion in her voice as Tari, Sofia, Lamar and Masa got out of the car. “You kids have fun!”

“We will Lucy!” Sofia smiled as she put on a segmented black and orange vest, Lamar put on a yellow jacket with extra pockets sewn into it over his garish anime shirt.

“Alright, what’s the plan Masa?” Lamar asked as he pulled his sniper rifle from one of the deceptively deep pockets: the rest of the team pulled their respective weapons from the slots embedded into their arms. A couple black grenades for Sofia, and a silenced pistol each for Masa. Though the pistol looked more like an SMG that was mangled into a pistol. And a standard SMG for Tari.

“I’ll sneak through the back to get Sigismund. You three deal with everything on the bottom floor. Lamar give me a piggy back ride,”

“What?” The man raised an eyebrow, Sofia snorted, Tari didn’t react at all.

“Just do it,”

Lamar sighed and did as asked, the surprisingly light man jumped onto Lamar’s back.

“Alright, jump to the top of the building behind us, there’s a vent that leads straight to the top floor,”

Lamar used his robotic legs and jumped all the way up to the small building. He then placed a boombox next to him, making himself comfortable on the top of the roof as he pulled placed his sniper rifle on the ground.

“Alright, when I give the signal you two head on in and shoot at whoever you think is a security guard,” Masa spoke through a radio in each of the other team member’s pockets. “Lamar, focus on anyone armed with more than an SMG,”

“You got it, man,”

“Yessir Mr. Butcher of Melbourne,”

Tari nodded.

“Tari?”

“Tari also says yes!” Sofia beamed.

“Alright good, I’ll give the signal soon,”

Masa crawled through the vents, hearing radio chatter at the end of the cramped tunnels as he slowly made his way through them.

He looked through the grates, seeing that it lead to the upstairs bathroom of the place. Inside was a single member of Security Redefined™, wearing a gas mask, and a far better looking green uniform than the rest of the security guys. Masa shot him in the back of the head through the grate, the man fell to the ground without as much as a peep.

Masa slowly got out of the vent, somehow making zero noise as he moved over to pick up the dead man’s gun.

The Karl and Heinrich X20, a boxy looking assault rifle with caseless ammunition, a huge magazine and a scope. Perfect.

He went to the bathroom door and peeked through a peephole; the top floor was actually had a large area in the middle where the couple security guards up here could look at the floor down below, he moved his radio towards his mouth.

“Everything you’ve got, now,”

“Full hog, Tari!” Sofia yelled as she ran head first into the building, Tari following closely behind.

As they entered the security guards looked at them, the lobby of the building was also unsurprisingly enough filled with civilians, a couple tables, chairs and a counter near the front.

“Hello, welcome to Pharmakokinetiks, your one stop shop for human experimentation, how may I help yo-”

BANG

Sofia shot the cashier straight in the head with a completely unsilenced pistol of her own. The security quickly began to fire on her as she ducked behind the counter, Tari following soon after.

“Sof, what the hell was that?” Lamar chided over the radio.

“Masa said to get their attention!”

“He said to give it all you… just start shootin’ em already,”

“Haha, I win!” Sofia instantly bolted out of cover and began to gun down several of the Security guards, weaving through bullets as she ran towards a table. Her inaccurate shots took out a couple security and the odd civilian here and there. Tari peeked her head over the cover, and began to take out individual security guards focusing on Sofia: one, two, three, a fourth finished off by Lamar, a fifth that began to come down the stairs to Tari’s left, a sixth-

“Agh!”

Tari yelped as a dog jumped over the table and forced her to the ground, she punched the thing in the mouth to little effect as it screeched and whined. Tari looked blankly at the thing as she-

BANG

The thing was shot through the mouth and quickly fell to the floor.

“You’re welcome, Tari!”

Tari nodded as she went back to taking the security out, she saw a large explosion in front of her probably caused directly by Sofia-

“Gah!”

Speaking of the blonde woman, she groaned in pain as she got shot in the shoulder from the floor above, she ducked behind the table more as-

The security guards shooting from the top quickly fell over the balcony, all shot from behind by Masa, who ran towards Sigismund’s Office as he quickly mopped up the guards.

“Thanks boss!” Sofia said excitedly. “We’ll go murder that Jerry lickety split!”

“I’ll guard our exit!” Lamar promised.

Tari said nothing.

“Good job,” Masa said as he kicked down the door of Sigismund’s office.

He saw the towering man, his mouth wide open and his face deformed.

“Alright, you freak shit. I’m here to-”

“BIOCURRENCY, BIOGURRENGRY I AM GOD AND MONEY AND GOD!” The man screeched erratically, Masa covered his ears. “SLURPCOIN.NET INVEST INVEST, INVESTIGATE THE BIOCURREN-”

Pew.

The man fell to the floor, dying instantly as Masa shot his head clean off with the silenced pistol.

“Sigismund down,”

“Nice! We’ll have Jerry dead in like 2 seconds!” Sofia said, huge smile on her face. “Right Tari?”

Tari nodded, Sofia pouted a little at the lack of noise, but elected to let it slide for now…

Tari and Sofia ran into a hallway at the end of the lobby, shooting several Security Guards before they could even react, Tari crouched down and picked up their discarded ammo as the two women ran through the hallway to top up her own supply. They another hallway, a door at the end being labelled “Conference room”

---

“Alright, so this is the Fleshrat,” Jerry announced, grimacing while motioning towards the glass container filled with the bizzare human-rat hybrid they had created. “A uh… mix of human and rat DNA,”

One of the other people in the conference room cleared their throat, besides that the entire room was silent.

“They can poison people, and appear just like standard pests; perfect for any secret operatio-”

Jerry was interrupted by the door to the conference room being kicked down by Sofia, who quickly dashed onto the table in the middle of it.

“Excuse me, ma’am. What the fuck are you doing here?” Jerry asked, sounding confused, not angry.

“I’m here to kill you…” Sofia smugly smiled as she reached into her pocket.

“Oh… could you kill my boss too on your way out?”

“Already done don’t worry!” Sofia threw two of the grenades she got from her pockets and-

BOOM

Threw them to the floor. The explosion killing every single person in the room except for her; it merely knocked Sofia out of the room back into the hallway, Tari managed to catch the blood covered woman in her arms.

“WOOOOOOOOOOO!” Sofia cheerily screeched as she removed herself from her disinterested teammate’s arms. “That was FUCKING AWESOME!”

“I assume that means Jerry’s dead?” Masa asked over the radio.

“Yepperooni! Dead, super ultra mega dead. I am absolutely covered in his blood!”

“Great, I’ll set up a towel so you don’t get blood in Lucinia’s car,” Masa chuckled. “Get outside quick by the way, Lamar’s panicking over his Biocurrency crashing,”

“For real? Run Tari. This is always funny to watch!” Sofia giggled like a schoolgirl as she ran out of the building. Tari elected to walk slowly through the building. Through the bodies that she and her new coworkers had left in their wake.

The didn’t smile, she didn’t cry, she didn’t grimace… she merely walked.

...Admittedly watching Lamar cry over Weebcoin was pretty funny.

---

1 DAY LATER

A blonde man sat in his overly large office, impatiently tapping his pencil on his desk; anticipation was evident in his movements as he repeatedly looked down to look at the tablet in his lap.

Finally, the door opened, and in walked a woman. With pinkish-orangish hair tied into a ponytail, pink shades, and an augmented, red cybernetic arm.

“Oi, I just got off a mission, what’d ya want me for, Lucks?” Belle grumbled as she walked into the office, sitting in the chair opposite of the man’s desk.

“I understand the inconvenience, Belle,” Lucks cleared his throat. “But we need to discuss the recent terrorist attack on our partners in Pharmakokinetiks,”

“A terrorist attack?” Belle slouched in the chair, wrapping her arms around the chair’s arms as Lucks placed the tablet on the table. “What makes this our problem? Every building we own is terrorism proof,”

“It’s not the terrorism itself, it’s who did it,” Lucks hit a button on the tablet, the security footage from Pharmakokinetiks played.

“What the fuck?” Belle tensed up as she looked at the footage. “That’s Luce’s sister… and some random chick,”

“Murder Division Five resignation from the company has left us wondering where they went,” Lucks paused for a moment. “We see where they are now,”

“Now what? When do I get to deal with ‘em?”

“Please don’t let your… former relations with Lucinia cloud your judgement,” Belle gritted her teeth a little as Lucks spoke. “We’ll try to investigate them where possible… TASCorp’s best agents will get to the bottom of this,”

“Good,” Belle’s face curved into a smirk. “Thanks for telling me, give me the call and they’ll be dealt with,”

“I will, Ms. Fontiere. TASCorp thanks you for your service,”

[thorne1435]

I forgot how weird shooter game players are.

Hearing the Helldivers 2 community talk about the new weapon releases is bringing me directly back to my Warframe days, because hearing someone say some shit like "The ABC-69 is the new KING of Murder Cannons because of its slow rate of fire, low DPS, and lack of armor piercing." is giving me flashbacks to "Why do you use the Baza? Don't you know SMGs have no endgame viability?"

If I have to hear another fucking generic gamer bro tell me that the Sickle is the new best assault rifle, I'm going to invent the Anti-Materiel[sic] Rifle in real life and demonstrate the fucking DPS on my own skull.

[duckapus]

The Goomba Arc

Super Meme Bootcamp

SMGs 1 and 2 are disappointed to find out that 3 and 4 have been somewhat neglecting their Guardian Training ever since the God Box and decide to put them through a week long crash course with Mario and Lil Coding’s help. Chaos inevitably ensues, and this time it’ll have far reaching consequences

Mario Replaces His Water Heater

Exactly what it sounds like, and for once all hell breaking loose isn’t even his fault.

New Demigod on the Block

There’s a County Fair in town this week, and Mario, SMG3 and Melony all end up deciding to go together. There they meet Franky and a very quiet, seemingly human teenage boy with orange-and-black hair and bright green eyes he insists is his new brother Desmond. Melony and Desmond turn out to get along really well, so the two groups decide to join up and enjoy the fair together. All the while unaware that they’re being watched from the shadows…

As it happens, Desmond has a lot in common with Melony, specifically pre-Zero Melony. He doesn’t really say anything, is curious about and confused by all sorts of relatively mundane things, seems to have Narcolepsy, and is weirdly empathetic towards and protective of sports equipment, of all things. When she decides to address it and figure out who-or what-Desmond really is, their stalker comes out of hiding, revealing himself to be the not-so-Happy Mask Salesman, who’s come to retrieve the masks the two of them are using.

Turns out Desmond was originally Franky’s basketball, and was changed into his current form when one of the Salesman’s masks landed on it after being stolen and lost by the Wario Bros. So the reason he’s acting like Sleepy Toddler Era Melony is because he sort of is Sleepy Toddler Era Melony! The Salesman has been tracking said mask ever since its theft, and this time he’ll stop at nothing to reclaim his property, as evidenced by him actually using one of his precious masks to turn into some giant monster(doesn’t really matter which one) and attack.

That attack is countered by Mario and 3, who’ve jumped in to keep the Salesman busy so Melony and the kids can get to safety, because between Mario initially creating her in Mario’s Home Alone and 3 bringing her to life by coming up with her weirdly elaborate backstory, she’s Kinda-Sorta-Maybe their kid, and like hell they’re gonna let this nutcase take the body and power she worked so hard to be able to call her own.

So now the action’s split between Melony sprinting away from the battle through the fair while carrying Franky(because Toads have no legs) and Desmond(because he’s asleep again), and the battle itself, which is also moving through the fairgrounds and gets progressively more chaotic as time goes on, especially when 3 manages to snag some masks and turn the Salesman’s strategy against him. Interestingly, 3 has some trouble adjusting to the new forms while Mario just sees them as particularly elaborate Power-ups. There’s even one particular moment where Mario puts on the Mario Mask and becomes the godlike Double Mario, though it doesn’t last long.

Eventually they all end up in the middle of a melon growing contest, the Salesman decides “fuck it, if you’re gonna fight fire with fire then so am I!” and sticks Majora’s Mask on the first place winner, a Minecraft melon three times the normal size(grown by Steve, of course). The result doesn’t end up being Majora’s Wrath as usual, but a woman who’s basically “If Melony was a foot taller and cosplaying as a Majora Giginka,” with an out-of-place bright blue hair ribbon and much longer, more yellowish-green hair

As you might expect from someone desperately invoking a demon, the Salesman gets blasted into the middle distance before she zeroes in on her counterpart and starts attacking her with demonic claws and whips, because apparently being created with specific intent lets you skip the Sleepy Toddler phase and get straight to God Powers. So everybody’s trying not to die, except Desmond who’s somehow still asleep, and Mario decides to start to call the evil melon girl “Welony” which she sort of just goes along with for some reason, and eventually she’s got Franky by the throat and is preparing to gut him like a fish, which is when Desmond goes from “I Sleep” to “Real Shit?” and slams her across the area and away from Franky with a shield bash, because now he’s got Galacta Knight’s lance, shield, wings, horns, and eye color because apparently that’s the mask he’s been wearing. And we get to hear his first real line.

“Don’t. Touch. My Brother.”

They manage to drive her off after that, mostly because even though she skipped the Sleepy Toddler personality she still has the Sleepy Toddler low power reserves, and then they go back to enjoying…what’s left of the fair.

Marcy vs. Retail

When Marcy realizes that sticking around the Mushroom Kingdom to harass her brother is going to require funds, she applies at a local supermarket and somehow gets hired. So now Karen is stuck teaching a violent, short-tempered assassin how to be a cashier, hopefully without landing either of them in jail.

Mario Lives in a Society

Alternatively, Mario and Luigi versus the Annoying Homeowner’s Association. Finally, Mario gets to use his obnoxious personality for something productive.

Animation vs. SMG4

Through an incident involving SMG4’s PC, Tari’s arm, and a can of Diet Sprite, most of the crew ends up on Alan Becker’s computer and Crossover Shenanigans ensue.

Detective Luigi; The Case of the Missing Boopkins

Bob and Jubjub are beside themselves with worry when Boopkins doesn’t show up to pick the latter up from the playground, and go to their friends for help. The crew is more than happy to look for him, with Luigi in particular getting Really Into a Noir Detective roleplay so he’ll have the right mindset for mystery solving. But even though they practically turn the Kingdom upside-down and end up solving a few tangentially related mysteries in the process, there’s no sign of their fishy friend anywhere.

Until he shows up on TV.

On every channel.

Standing on a stage next to a Goomba.

The Goomba Who Sold the World

A Flashback episode, detailing who the Goomba was before he got his powers, what he’s been doing in the background of all the episodes, and why Fishy Boopkins is working for him. Then it catches up to the present, where he makes his speech about how he’s going to change the world and what they all need to do to help him. Including catching Mario and the SMGs. The episode ends with the three of them and Lil Coding surrounded by their clearly controlled friends.

Mario: Most Wanted

Thanks mainly to the fact that Melony was immune to The Goomba, the group just barely manages to escape the Showgrounds, only to run into the Military, obviously led by Chris and Swag(it’s deliberately unclear if Swag actually saw the broadcast or if he’s just going “hell yeah Swiggity Swooggity Comin’ for Dat Phat Italian Booty”). Thankfully, they then get picked up by Steve in his farm truck, which also has SMGs 1 and 2. And Marcy, who apparently doesn’t watch TV and only heard the broadcast on the radio, which had no effect since the User has to be seen for Manual Override to work. The group works together to flee the city, including one terrifying scene where Joe Motherfucking Boopkins is after them!

A “Perfect” World

An episode with barely any Mario, or even jokes, in it, showcasing the bleak, cookie-cutter world that The Goomba seems to think will make everyone happy, whether they want it to or not. It also shows Boopkins’ current horrible situation as The Goomba’s assistant, and his gradually deteriorating mind and body.

Mario Plays Minecraft Mods in an Undisclosed Location(ft. Steve)

This is a terrible idea, but SMG4 argues that with things as they are now the world needs Memes more than ever, and besides, it’s something to distract their two known troublemakers while the others are shoring up their defenses.

Welcome to the Resistance

Bad news; despite their best efforts, somebody managed to find the group. Good news; the people who found them are on their side. As it turns out, Professor E. Gadd’s eyesight is so bad that the Manual Override couldn’t trigger even with his glasses mostly correcting things. So he did what any sensible Mad Scientist would do under these circumstances and went out to find other people not affected. The results:

-Karen, who was making dinner, heard the kind of shit The Goomba was spewing and went out to change the channel back to something decent, and was smart enough not to look at the TV when she saw what it was doing to her kittens.

-Franky, who has similar eye problems to the Professor.

-Desmond, who just slept through the whole thing.

-Kaizo, who has never listened unquestioningly to an authority figure in his life and isn’t about to start now.(yes, he managed to beat mind control through sheer force of delinquency.)

-And Hal Monitor, who actually was affected, but went through a hard reboot when one of The Goomba’s instructions would’ve made him Break The Law.

E. Gadd then got to work on a way to block the Override for the members of the team who weren’t immune, using Hal as a willing test subject since he had a reliable un-brainwashing method built in, and through trial and error managed to invent Anti-Hypno Shades(which use the same model as the Octo Shades from Splatoon 2). Meanwhile, SMG4 has his own contribution; he’s managed to get in contact with the Stick guys from Alan’s computer, bolstering their numbers even more since the five of them have the same Outside Entity Immunity as Steve. So now that the full resistance is assembled, it’s time to make a plan.

Meanwhile, in Adminspace

Aka the reason why the Hologram Trio hasn’t been doing anything about this mess; they have, it’s just that what they’re doing involves Domain and Emulator doing a Deep Dive into the game’s Code to figure out what the hell happened, how to fix it, and how to prevent it from happening again, while Forum’s trying to keep the Higher-Ups from doing something drastic. It’s…mostly going well?

Stormin’ the Castle

The Plan is deceptively simple. The Sticks, an army of assorted Minecraft Mobs, Kaizo and Desmond will cause as much mayhem and damage as possible in the city as a distraction, while the rest of the resistance(minus E. Gadd and Franky, who are acting as mission control) sneaks into the Showgrounds Castle, which The Goomba has repurposed as his base of operations. The inside team will find The Goomba and pin him down long enough for Melony, 3 and/or Lil Coding(the three teammates best at code manipulation) to deactivate Manual Override and revoke his Command privileges, hopefully all without getting spotted. Unfortunately plans rarely survive the first phase, or rather the corn maze, which is apparently now a thing that surrounds the castle.

As you might expect, this means they have to deal with Rob in full Lord of Corn mode, as well as the rest of their friends, before they can reach the main event. And when they finally do fight their way to The Goomba, he’s ready for them, and in his arrogance challenges them to a type of War they’re more familiar with…

WOTFI 20??

The challenges are standard WOTFI fair, aside from any of them involving Boopkins who is extremely Out Of It thanks to his dehydration and more severe brainwashing. As usual, it’s the Rap Battle that’s the true main event. Turns out that Marcy and Hal can sing pretty damn well. And when it’s coming down to the wire and nearly everyone’s pinned down by The Goomba’s borrowed might, it’s Steve of all characters who turns out as the MVP, finally, after over a decade of silence, going into his settings and turning on Voice Chat. The result is lyrics so fire that they change the genre of the song, as well as giving the expected second wind that allows the hacker trio and hologram trio to finally depower The Goomba and free everyone. They’d probably have ended up stomping him right then and there, but Hal’s in the group so Due Process must be followed lest they anger him.

After that, we get the standard sendoff scenes. Recovery, reunions, rebuilding, parting of ways, Marcy insists that she’s still the group’s enemy so long as Bob isn’t in the clan and 3 kindly doesn’t call her out on the same bullshit he used to spew after every team up.

And Welony might still be out there, but The Goomba Who Sold the World is powerless once again, and he’s going to be in prison for a long, long time.

[pikinmin]

u know what, i’ll give it to the vld fandom, they ALWAYS had long fics. ALWAYS.

every fic was like 10/12 chaps long and GOD it hit bro. it hit.

[insertdisc5]

Hi!! I wanted to ask, in celebration of Deltarune CH. 2, do you have any updated thoughts and head canons about the game?? Like, y'know, similar to a previous ask about Kris in your Deltarune tag? Thanks!

thoughts on kris part 2 i guess???? (part 1 from ch1 here lol)

spoilers for deltarune like woah. this wont be kris focused just random thoughts on everything. thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk

not that many thoughts for this chapter tbh! EDIT LOL: this was a lie i have a lot of thoughts

-just in general i feel like the player isn't the only one controlling kris... like yes the player forced kris to do what happened in the snowgrave route but AT THE SAME TIME idk it feels like there's someone else too. just because of the terrifying voice i suppose. and also the jerky movement kris does every time they get their soul out? unless there's another reason for it... maybe getting your soul out means you walk weird lol

-BUT ALSO i feel like kris is 100% in control when they create fountains. idk it just makes sense kris would create them. to create another world, a better world, A WORLD WHERE THEIR BROTHER IS HERE PERHAPS? i do wonder why they get their soul out then though. i'm all for it sweetie! do whatever! i support you!

-(i am and will be playing deltarune with only kris' best interests in mind. i will not hurt anyone unless kris wants me to. dont worry my little meow meow im on your side! talk to me! no? okay ill stay under the sink its fine)

-speaking of asriel. SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER VACATION COLLEGE WHEN? SUMMER (starts crying) V-VACATION COLLEGE WHEN

-kris misses their brother so much it's so sad. if you make kris steal 5$ from asriel they take it "reluctantly"? talking to asriel online so often even alphys knows?? the google search?? GOING INTO ASRIEL'S GOOGLE SEARCH ROOM WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED BECAUSE THEY'RE CONVINCED THEY ALREADY KNOW WHATS IN THERE? THAT ONE IS LESS OF A MISSING THING BUT IM LIKE OH MY GOD

-the city walk with susie at the end makes it clear to me that kris really values susie's friendship... kris even sits with her if you spend long enough near the lake like aaaaah ;_;

-and even in snowgrave you spend your last acts with the final boss calling for your friends like YES there's a way bigger creepy aspect to this (kris as more of a Leader who Commands and commands their subjects to come) but still :'0 (and then noelle answers oh my god noelle im so sorry for the trauma)

-berdly. listen. listen. listen. liste

-berdly sucks but [berdly hurts his arm in the battle against queen if you don't save him because he doesnt want to hurt you] [berdly realizing smg's wrong in snowgrave and immediately taking steps to save noelle] berdly is my little crumb nugget. i will protect him.

-noelle. noelle. girlboss!

-like ooooh listen. hearing about the genocide path for undertale. made me go "that is SO COOL. i HAVE to experience it myself this is great. hehehe killing time" and like no regrets. i was fully enjoying the experience knowing i was an awful person. SNOWGRAVE THOUGH. i will never try this myself its too fucked up. casually grooming your childhood friend to murder people <3 and also acting like a weird stalker towards her <3 stockholm syndrome speedrun i will get all the info i can about this but i will never do this myself

-people remarking the kris/player>noelle relationship is similar to the relationship between player>chara in genocide path is like yes. chefs kiss. don't worry we just are making you stronger and everything will be fine "you made me kill my friend? and for what?" this is fine sweetie don't worry about it!!!!!!

-like the amount of details added to snowgrave, like if you equip noelle's watch she notices later? and her battle animations change as time goes on, she gets an ice shield and stops sighing in relief after battle? oh my god? oh my god.

-(berdly is not awake.) JUST KILL ME RIGHT HERE I HAVEN'T STOPPED THINKING ABOUT BERDLY NOT BEING AWAKE!!!!!

-also why didnt he turn into dust. so many possible reasons. is magic a thing in the normal world and perhaps no magic means no dust (theres graves). maybe he isnt dead. maybe hes braindead. maybe he'll come back. either way that boy is now in the closet big enough to put someone in

-also dess' name probably being december AND THATS WHY NOELLE LOST THE SPELLING BEE?!?!??! FUCK ME UP!!!!! JUST FUCK ME UP!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!

-also so many good pixel art this chapter. too many? i didnt need pixel art of cardboard noelle falling on the statue. like thank you but please. please it hurts my game artist brain.

-the expressions in this chapter were also top notch. all the unsettling noelle expressions like (i fall over face first)

-i threw away the ball of junk (which i already tried in ch1) and this time the game was like "ARE YOU SURE BC THIS IS A BAD IDEA" and kris felt bitter :'( (it deletes all your items in the dark world)

-i uh fucked up and skipped the susie+noelle scene bc listen last time ralsei mentionned seeing what susie is doing we missed some PRIMO LORE. turns out it just makes you skip the scene and you dont get anything new. welp

-speaking of ralsei well you know. he exists. but im stuck on him going "i just wonder what being ralsei-like even is...?" ralsei my dude there's so much i could say about this. do you feel like you can't be ralsei-like because you feel like you have to be asriel-like

-but also that makes no sense bc susie hasnt even mentioned ralsei looks like asriel. and i cant imagine asriel being so meek. so WHAT GIVES

-ralsei as kris’ “i wish i was a monster just like my bro and family and i’d look like asriel but with red horns [THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME] and my name would be something cool like ralsei instead of a boring human name like kris and im sweet and cute because thats how i act with asriel because ASRIEL MADE ME” theory because that would be cute.

-ASRIEL GOING TO THE CHURCH TO CONFESS HIS "SINS" WHEN "SINS" AREN'T A THING IN THE ANGEL BELIEF LIKE I KNOW THIS INTERACTION WAS TREATED AS A JOKE BUT WHAT THE FUCK ASRIEL?

-kris definitely has a connection with the big red door in the city, judging by what the kids say they probably went there... i feel like this place's dark world will be the Final Dungeon you KNOW some shit happened there. also the sounds you hear when you go there is the phone dark world call's sound slowed down? AND AFTER SNOWGRAVE APPARENTLY YOU CANT HEAR IT ANYMORE? HUWAH?

-speaking of songs the songs were all so good, My Castle Town rules, the berdly snowgrave music is stuck in my head, flashback is uwah wuahah, Until Next Time is so good, AND ALSO A FRIEND NOTICED THE DARK WORLD CITY THEME IS JUST tHE SONG 74 (MOST NOTICEABLE WITH THE SNOWGRAVE VERSION)?????? WHAT DOES IT MEAN????? it might be just "hey its just reuse" BUT MR FOX YOU KNOW WE'RE GONNA READ INTO THIS IS NOELLE THE ONE SINGING IDK BRO!!!!!!!!!!

-asgore dreemurr fired from the force what happun!!!!! game theory is that asgore is related to dess' death/disappearance but eh who knows

-you start the chapter at lvl2 and get to lvl3 after the final boss, a friend mentioned this is probably because we destroyed a world and im :0

-to go back to kris it's still so interesting to figure out who they are based on how they act/people mention them. like kris shaking the ferris wheel car? yeah makes sense i can imagine a pranking kid do this. kris' dance? yeah thats a little silly but i can buy it. doing cool anime poses? well i dunno this doesnt line up PERFECTLY but sure. BUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN SNOWGRAVE... especially >proceed like that is such a weird thing that i can't imagine them doing, but i can't completely see the "player" doing either (compare with going to sans -which kris doesnt know- and going "SANS!" because of course the player would know sans), like THATS one of the reasons i feel like there's someone else in there. the weird robotic merciless actions. if im going super meta it feels like there'd be someone else like writing the choices into existence for us to pick you know? gaster probably? god i need to read more gaster theories i completely sidestepped the gaster shit bc i wasnt interested. anyway just spitballing

-(looks at big shot guy) please dont make him the next tumblr guy i beg you

-obligatory "queen was great" mention if only because this part made me laugh a little bit too hard

that was a lot. thank you for letting me talk

[near-seth-experience]

Halo Infinite Gameplay Premiere

My Observations and Speculation

Watch it here before reading this post. I don’t wanna be responsible for spoiling you lovely folks

Story:

Crash on Halo Ring leads to an open environment reminiscent of CE

Pilot-Bro has personality and I love him. Not afraid to get snappy at someone in full MJOLNIR lol He seems like a great foil for Chief, highlighting the difference between Man and Machine that Halo 4 briefly touched upon: “She said that to me once, about being a machine”

Big Boy seems like a worthy antagonist. Dude legit taunts and challenges chief outright, and if he’s anything like sexy blur-cutscene Atriox he could probably go toe-to-toe with a spartan no prob. (If so, I just hope it won’t be a Quick Time Event like the Didact on the light bridge at the end of 4. I can never really tell if I press the grenade button during that scene tbh)

People are worrying that they abandoned the Created stuff from 5, but I speculate that the Harbinger that Big Boy mentioned is likely the Brute’s name for Cortana and the Created/Promethean forces, or at least a very big Forerunner thingy like the Guardians

Something about an Auditorium

Game:

Map overview like ODST

When viewing map objectives, there was a Normal Difficulty icon over the different objectives, as well as a number that makes me think of some kind of Experience points.

There was an Upgrade tab in addition to the map and Database, probably where you can use that experience for different things like the grapple. Wouldnt be surprised if it’s some sort of branching skill tree or point unlock system. I can see that working really well with the open world vibe. Maybe some people would rather invest into a jetpack or improved thrusters instead of grapple??

Weapons:

Assault Rifle kind of looks like the one from Reach 32 rounds, similar recoil

MK50 “Sidekick” Pistol (for comparison) CE                    M6D 2 / ODST          M6C 3/ Reach           M6G 4/ 5                  M6H

VK78 Commando says "Tactical Rifle | Kinetic | Auto" under the pick-up prompt 20 round magazine packs a punch

Spike Grenade

Ravager "Launcher | Plasma | Burst" "Vent" instead of "Reload" I assume all plasma weapons Vent and overheat

Pulse Carbine did not have a weapon description, probably  Rifle | Plasma | Burst

Mangler Not "Mauler" Seems like a Mauler that shoots maybe 1 slug instead of a shotgun scatter It had a little more range, sooo??

CQS48 Bulldog Shotgun, shotty with higher fire rate than the classic shotgun, probably less damage per shot as a result

Needler Chief briefly steps over one before going up the lift to disable the cannon "SMG | Kinetic | Auto" I was expecting it to say needle instead of kinetic since they have a different behavior, but I guess kinetic applies to anything that shoots a solid projectile, so that’s valid

Plasma Pistol "Pistol | Plasma | Charge" yea no shit lol

Enemies

Brute armor breaks off, I like their berserk behavior.

That suicide grunt wasn’t flying. Brutes can literally yeet them. (timestamp 5:19 in the demo video)

I love the way the brutes (and Big Boy specifically) snarl as they speak

Grunts, Jackals, and Elites seem like Grunts, Jackals, and Elites.

Vehicles:

Warthog is sexy, but that’s old news

Pilot-Bro mentions seeing Condor Gunships from Halo Wars

Banished Phantom looks sleek, but has a slightly different shape than the classic design. Seemed like there were more propulsion thingies.

Shade Turrets return

Other

New equipment, "Drop Wall"

Grappling hook. fly to surfaces and enemies, grab objects

you can pick up and throw fusion coils omg yes.

Wildlife! Birds! (Shout out to the bird things on Regret in Halo 2 that I’d snipe with a beam rifle every time.)

Why are people mad about sprint coming back?? It’s a video game in 2020?? Chief isn’t gonna walk from A to B when Kelly can run extended distances at like +60 kph in the lore lmao. Give me a break.

[borderlandscast]

a headcanon post about minty’s boner

here is a bunch of absolutely useless but important facts about arsenal’s pet kraggon.

boner smells like old spice guy, no matter what and it is a large, ongoing mystery as to why boner smells like this regardless of what boner rolls around in or eats

boner knows the command ‘vore’ (which also doubles as a bandit meme, like for example ‘hey arado, watch me vore this ration bar in one go’).

‘vore daltos’ is an incredibly specific command arsenal uses on daltos

“BONER, VORE DALTOS!”

“...he’s not very good at this because he’s only attacking my boot.”

“HE’S TRYING HIS BEST!”

boner is not a destructive boy, he’s just hungry

the command ‘unvore’ does exactly what you think it does, and arsenal uses it rarely but it has come in useful on several occasions

daltos denies it (after boner ate his favourite smg and arsenal demonstrated precisely why it’s a useful command)

the first time boner barfed (it is also a way to show affection), arsenal didn’t know whether to be disgusted or happy at this since boner made a little pile of barfed things to show him

“ew, but thanks for the presents?” he sighs, pats boner and goes to get a mop but he’s pretty much gotten used to it

boner has the energy level of a badass skag hopped up on five energy bars

this means that arsenal is often passing off boner onto willing bandits who can put up with boner’s stamina

“i’m taking my boner for a walk.”

boner loves walks

“i have a boner and i’m not afraid to use it.”

boner can also attack and it’s really cute to watch (no bandit shins were harmed in the training; not permanently, that is)

boner is pretty light for a kraggon; arsenal can pick up boner without falling over which is good especially if boner refuses to move when lazy, stubborn, tired or full

top three things that boner burfs nonstop at:

whenever daltos smokes

boner has eaten his smokes on several occasions which annoys him

daltos has been stuck for two hours patting boner but it’s the only way to smoke in peace without boner burfing up a storm the entire time

whenever daltos is using the coffee machine

arsenal claims he didn’t teach boner to act like a fire alarm

to boner, smoke is bad and bandits seem to react badly to that so he wants to help!

whenever arsenal is in the shower because water is bad for a kraggon and boner’s gotten better about it, but it still happens; namely, a lot

the first time this happened, boner dragged daltos all the way downstairs to make sure arsenal wasn’t drowning or something

listen, hot water is a precious resource and if arsenal had to cheat in poker to get hot water privileges, then so be it and an anxious baby kraggon’s not gonna stop him from enjoying a hot water shower

“it’s just some water, buddy, don’t burf!”

“BURF!!!!!!!”

arsenal used to get the shit scared out of him whenever he used to sleep because imagine being about to nod off when you hear the softest and gentlest noise coming from under your bed:

“burf.”

boner’s ability to recognise himself is debatable because boner is surprised when the mirror burfs back and gets very disappointed when the mirror doesn’t lick back

boner’s default body temperature means that arsenal doesn’t have to worry about stealing blankets in winter

‘burf’ sounds a lot like ‘barf’ which is exactly what one of boner’s favourite things to do is

stuff that boner regurgitates remains oddly dry unless boner ate something wet, so in that case, hello slobbery item

it’s common knowledge that anything left on the floor is fair game for boner to ‘monch’ on; there are signs posted around the frigate (made by parvis and co) warning bandits about this tendency because once boner eats it, it now belongs to arsenal

irate bandits attempting to forcefully retrieve items from boner get put in the naughty corner or are used as target practice

boner’s licks are very dry and wake arsenal up; it’s like having your face rubbed with a dry towel

if it doesn’t work, boner will lick the back of his head

arsenal took boner up to daltos’ room and boner did exactly these two things to try to wake daltos up

“so this is to how to wake up a bro with a persistent boner.”

daltos threw a boot at arsenal for that comment

the dry blep photo of boner immediately took off on the echonet after arsenal posted it

he’s still really proud of it and boner

arsenal calls his kraggonsitters ‘bonelievers’

“BONELIEVERS, ASSEMBLE IN CARGO BAY B FOR THIS WEEK’S KRAGGONSITTING SCHEDULE!”

“arsenal, stop using the pa system for this shit.”

“THIS JUST IN, DALTOS IS NOT A BONELIEVER! SHUN HIM!”

arsenal’s still working on making boner a lot less friendlier because boner’s default reaction whenever the courier or a stranger turns up to the frigate is to burf once, then attempt to befriend them by wanting to play games

boner knows the difference between a grenade and a grenade mod

arsenal once jokingly threw a grenade mod but didn’t actually throw it

boner promptly took off and brought back an actual grenade, expecting pats

arsenal kicked the grenade outside, where it safely detonated

it took two days for arsenal to teach boner the difference between a harmless grenade mod and ‘no, this is the explody and bad thing’ so boner would stop bringing him grenades when wanting to play fetch

whenever arsenal changes the sheets on his bed, boner hops underneath it and is generally in the way (boner is helping)

boner is actually growing but the growth is barely noticeable; if boner did reach their full size, arsenal is not likely to notice because boner’s boner to him, no matter how big boner grows

boner’s collection of squeaky toys is forever changing because boner’s jaws are incredibly powerful and will make short work of most items that are great to chew on

one time, boner ate a bottle of rakk ale and promptly breathed fire when burping (because boner also ate daltos’ lighter)

it remains to date, one of arsenal’s favourite party tricks

if anything were to happen to boner (i.e., another gang kidnaps boner), daltos and arsenal will declare all-out war to get that kraggon back

boner’s learned to bring arsenal’s echo device to him without barfing it back up; it was a very proud day for arsenal

daltos once woke up to an echo call with an internal view of boner’s strange stomach, and arsenal crying a lot because ‘BONER, WHY DID YOU EAT MY ECHO DEVICE, THAT’S NOT REALLY EDIBLE’, which is weird because arsenal doesn’t bat an eyelid when boner eats gas canisters and is super gassy for the rest of the day

during an annual spring cleaning, someone left the panel off a ground level air vent and boner wandered into it and lo and behold, the panel got closed up so boner proceeded to explore the air vents

arsenal got a tiny bit worried and placed a piece of skag jerky down

he also yelled through the frigate’s PA system, “DALTOS, I NEED HELP FINDING MY BONER!”

daltos sometimes regrets giving arsenal echo access to said system

“DALTOS I NEED SOME SWEET LOVING, SO GET DOWN, WITH YA PAL!”

boner immediately showed up in a ceiling vent above arsenal and daltos (which is weird since kraggons don’t exactly have visible noses)

“how did boner get in there?”

“he’s a very smart boy!”

“then if he’s smart, he can get out of there.”

“uhhhhh.”

arsenal eventually found a ladder, opened up the vent and pulled boner out

later, boner threw up lots of things which were not limited to secret booze, dirty magazines, dust bunnies, rations, and a few guns

to this day, more than a few bandits are paranoid about the sound ‘burf’ coming from the vents

the other frigate lieutenants like boner in the follow order (top is BFF while bottom is ‘i will kill that kraggon if left alone unsupervised with it’):

klemm

hawker and hurricane

arado

bucker and cant

gotha

fieseler

greif

dornier ‘spitfire’

[dragonbagel]

Bonded - Part 6

someone give vaughn a medal for putting up with rhys’ bullshit. [read it on ao3 here]

The deal with Atlas was approved within the week, and Hyperion had no shortage of praise for Rhys because of it. The new SMG had cornered the market, and the combination of raking in profit and sticking it to Torgue made all facets of Hyperion very, very happy. According to Vaughn, all of accounting was buzzing with excitement, and he might have told his coworkers that he’d helped convince Rhys to support the deal. But even if he had done that (not that he was admitting to anything), Rhys shouldn’t be upset because Vaughn would be able to buy way more video games for their apartment if he got that promotion he’d been eyeing.

Rhys had just laughed and told him that he’d better get his gracious roommate the new Fallout game when it came out as a thank-you gift, to which Vaughn had grumbled that Rhys was already making way more than him. Rhys countered that Yvette was draining his bank account with all the free lunches she’d mooched. Vaughn, of course, denied Rhys’ claim and, as if to prove his point, had snatched the check the next time the trio had gone out to eat.

In the weeks since his million dollar deal, Rhys had spent more time inside his office than out of it. Janey had started wearing sneakers to work due to how often she had to walk files into Rhys’ office from her desk outside, and Rhys was all but drowning in partnership proposals. Once he’d realized his secretary actually had programming background herself, he imparted onto her the all-important task of throwing out any paperwork that wasn’t worth considering. He promised he’d pay her extra for it, especially since he knew that she was saving up for her wedding (which Rhys was now, unfortunately, going to be forced to attend).

Even with Janey’s assistance and a bottomless cup of coffee, however, his schedule remained swamped. He found himself running from one meeting to the next, taking a break only to attempt to sort through the mess of folders covering his usually pristinely organized desk. It seemed like everybody wanted something from him; which, if he was being honest with himself, was what he’d always wanted. Attention from the higher-ups, not to mention actual respect, had been his goal since he’d first realized there was a life outside of simply surviving on Pandora. To live and work at the same rank as those who wouldn’t hesitate to take and abuse him in selfish pleasure if they knew who he truly was, to surpass those who thought they were better than him-- that was what he’d always ached for.

If achieving that meant suffering through a definitely illegal amount of overtime and pushing his friendships and boyfriend a bit further down on his list of priorities, then goddamnit he’d trudge through it.

It also helped that they’d basically given up on looking for the alpha attacker, all the research they’d done coming up blank. Nobody had checked into a hospital with a stab wound that night, and it wasn’t like Rhys had some superhuman GPS connection. Jack, naturally, had scoured the entire station-- but with no identifying mark, the alpha was indistinguishable from the other thousands of the same endotype on Helios. Rhys had all but repressed the incident with both intentful and unconscious effort, and coupled with his non-normal mental state during the incident, he found it easier to ignore the now-healing scar on the back of his neck and simply wait for it to go away. And work was the perfect way to do so.

“Seriously bro, when was the last time you ate?”

Rhys looked at Vaughn, shrugging since his mouth was far too stuffed with pizza to respond.

Vaughn sighed, the epitome of a disappointed parent. “You’re gonna work yourself to death! Besides, you need to keep your strength up for tomorrow.”

Rhys furrowed his eyebrows, swallowing the food in his mouth that was more cheese than bread. “What’s tomorrow? Because if you’re trying to make me go to your gym again with you, it’s not happening.”

His roommate stared at him in disbelief. “You’re shitting me, right?”

Rhys shifted in his seat at their sad excuse for a dinner table, which was covered in stains and propped up by old textbooks underneath an unbalanced leg. He was clearly forgetting something, although for the life of him he couldn’t figure out what it was. Rather than continue to sit with his mouth slightly agape like an idiot, he made to grab another slice of the extra large pizza he’d mostly smashed on his own. Vaughn, however, grabbed his wrist, causing both Rhys and his stomach to groan in protest.

“Your heat, bro. It’s supposed to start tomorrow.”

Rhys felt the muscles in both his hand and jaw go limp with realization. “N-no,” he stammered. “No, I have so many meetings scheduled and--”

Vaughn sighed. “Have you really not been keeping track?”

Rhys shrugged sheepishly. “I’ve been kinda busy lately, in case you haven’t noticed.”

Vaughn rolled his eyes. “Well, better go clear your schedule. I’m dropping you off at Jack’s tomorrow.”

Rhys opened up his schedule on his ECHOeye as he managed to pry another slice of pizza from the box, sending an apologetic message to Janey as he notified her that he’d be leaving early tomorrow. Because he’d be fine to attend his morning meeting and pick up the most recent batch of paperwork, right?

“Henderson’s gonna kill me,” Rhys grumbled, because it seemed there was always another level of the bureaucracy above him.

“I’m sure his boss’ boss’ boss will forgive him,” Vaughn said, snagging a piece of pizza before Rhys could devour the entire thing.

The omega sighed, already preparing a multitude of excuses to use tomorrow. He’d used “my mom’s in the hospital” last time, and “I have to go to a funeral” was so cliche. He figured saying he needed a break was more than believable, especially since he received no shortage of comments about how he was “working himself to death.”

“Don’t worry, I already reminded Jack,” Vaughn said, not without a hint of bitterness.

“You’re the best,” Rhys said, smiling and rising from the table to stand. He knew Vaughn still didn’t trust Jack, although this arrangement was far more enjoyable for the both of them.

“Yeah, I know,” Vaughn replied, taking the now-empty pizza box and tossing it in the trash. “Now go get some sleep.”

Rhys groaned. “It’s barely even eleven!”

Vaughn stared at him with dead eyes, pointing to the digital clock on the microwave. “That literally says ‘one,’ Rhys. It’s one in the morning!”

“What?” Rhys asked, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands. “N-no, I’m pretty sure that says eleven!”

“Great, now he’s going blind,” Vaughn muttered to himself, dragging Rhys towards his bedroom as the omega tried to dig his heels into the rug in protest.

“Wait, Vaughn, I have work to finish!”

The beta grunted under Rhys’ weight; while he was on the slimmer side, his height wasn’t something to be ignored. “I swear to God Rhys if you don’t get your ass in there now I’m calling Yvette.”

Rhys immediately stop struggling as the threat’s intended fear settled in; although Yvette was one of his best friends and not very much on the muscular side, she could be a stone-cold order-giving bitch when she needed to. Rhys had seen workers so desperate to cling to their jobs that they’d actually taken her up on her dismissive demand to lick her boots. She always managed to bring up those top-alpha horror stories at the most opportune moments, such as when she and her friends were out at a restaurant waiting for the bill.

“Alright, fine, I’m going,” Rhys said as he raised his arms in surrender.

Vaughn followed him closely behind as he stepped into his room, clearly still annoyed. Rhys pulled a duffle bag out from underneath his bed and laid it on top of the blanket before unzipping it. He might as well get the packing out of the way now, especially if he wanted any relief from Vaughn’s crippling judgment.

The beta was now pacing, his nose wrinkling every few moments as he inhaled. “Rhys,” he said, the look on his face a mixture of amusement and annoyance. “Your room smells like a goddamn carton of Sunny-D.”

The omega laughed at that, real tears springing to his eyes due to what he chalked up to be his exhaustion rather than Vaughn’s characteristically awful humor.

“Sorry bro, can’t help it,” he said, wiping a stray tear from the corner of his eye as he morphed his features into an over-exaggerated sexy leer. “Guess that’s what makes me such hot shit.”

Vaughn pantomimed gagging, which only spurred Rhys on further. “Don’t tell me you don’t want to get with this,” he said, stretching out his left leg and resting his arm on it in a perfect “paint me like one of your French girls” pose.

The beta just grimaced again, although Rhys could see a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Even if I wanted to tap that,” Vaughn started, his speech speeding up as Rhys raised an eyebrow at the statement, “which, let’s be perfectly clear, I don’t, Handsome Jack would kill me 50 times over if I so much as thought about getting it on with you.”

“You can just call him ‘Jack,’ y’know,” Rhys said as he opened his closet door. “He’s basically your other roommate.”

“There’s no room in this broom closet for both another person and all your hair products,” Vaughn said with a snort, to which Rhys took very serious offense.

“Hey!” he said in protest. “Don’t insult the hair.”

Vaughn rolled his eyes. “Just shut up and pack, wouldja? I’d like to get some sleep tonight.”

Rhys scoffed. “I do know how to pack a suitcase on my own, y’know.”

“I am not schlepping out to Jack’s again because you forgot your toothbrush.”

“It was one time!” Rhys said, blushing. Why had he ever thought Vaughn would let him live that one down?

“Yeah, yeah,” Vaughn said, waving him off.

They decided to split up the work, with Rhys tackling the clothes (he was very particular about his socks) and Vaughn getting, well, basically everything else. Rhys wasn’t exactly great at taking care of himself, and Vaughn felt like an overprotective parent as he filled a bag with the necessities: medication, toothbrush, mouthwash, hairbrush, cooling lotion. He even threw in some condoms for good measure, although Jack usually took care of things in the sex department.

“Seriously Rhys?” Vaughn said as he came back into the bedroom to see Rhys frozen and staring off into space.

“Wha?” the omega said, turning around to face Vaughn.

The beta scowled as he dropped the bag of toiletries he’d gathered into Rhys’ suitcase, which had been filled with not much more than a few pairs of socks and obnoxious yellow boxers. “I thought you said you knew how to pack.”

“I do,” Rhys said with a nod, although his attention clearly wasn’t focused.

He sounded drunk, and if Vaughn hadn’t known better, he would’ve thought Rhys had blown off his ridiculously small amount of responsibilities to get wasted. However, when Vaughn had been rummaging through the bathroom, he’d seen that Rhys had already taken his medication for that night-- which meant his heat was starting.

Much like birth control, Rhys' suppressors supplied a week of less medicated pills intended to help his body go through the necessary heat less frequently and much less intensely. After all, it was never good to leave one’s hormones bottled up and out of whack for too long.

“Alright bro, let’s get you to bed,” Vaughn said, clearing off a space amidst the blankets for Rhys to crawl into. “You can finish packing in the morning.”

Rhys frowned in confusion. “I finished packing.”

Vaughn groaned. “Rhys, underwear isn’t what I meant by clothing.”

The omega shrugged. “It’s not like I’ll be wearing much else while I’m there.”

Vaughn gagged, shoving Rhys with a disgusted “TMI bro, TMI.”

Rhys laughed, always amused at Vaughn’s reactions whenever anything even remotely sex-related came up in conversation. The only time Rhys really got the dirt on Vaughn and his girlfriend was when the beta was drunk, and even then he kept it as unexplicit as possible. Rhys thought it was cute, especially in comparison to Jack’s compulsive need to share every detail about their sex life.

“I left you some clothes on your bed, by the way,” Rhys said as Vaughn turned to leave.

Vaughn snorted, knowing that the omega was asking him to sleep in his clothes in order to rub his scent on them. “You’re not seriously thinking of going to work tomorrow, are you?”

Rhys shrugged, pulling his t-shirt off due to the already setting-in fever to reveal his tattoos as Vaughn shielded his eyes. “I have an early meeting, plus I wanted to pick up work to do while I’m out.”

Vaughn gave him a blank stare, pursing his lips as he thought it over.

“Fine,” he said, shaking his head in disapproval yet knowing Rhys was also an adult and could make his own decisions, stupid as they might be. “I’ll take you home when I go on lunch break.”

Rhys smiled. “Thanks bro.”

“Yeah, don’t mention it,” Vaughn said, waving off the affection. “Just don’t complain if your clothes look wrinkled tomorrow, it’s not my fault they don’t fit.”

Rhys laughed as the beta left the room, still grumbling to himself about Rhys being an idiot. He removed his cybernetic arm to charge it along with his phone before turning off the light, lying in the darkness as the heat began its torturous crawl through his body.

Damn, this week was going to suck.

[clockworkfromspace]

The Book v2 chapter 2

*Andrè begins to walk about the halls toward the door*

Chris was in there even though he was an Ultrabeings

Jea: Hi Chris!

He waves

Any teachers?

No? Good.

Mr. Taio: Okay everyone. Welcome to Ultra Study. If you took this class with me before, you should know that I am one of the seven most capable people equipped to teach this class.

*Andrè runs outside*

FREEEEEEEEDOMMMM

...

Freedom feels the same as being imprisoned

After school

Jea and Jenifer get on their bus

Josh goes to the car rider exit

*The next day*

Chris was already there

-Josh waits outside the bus ramp for the twins-

-their bus originally shows up-

Chris walks to the bus ramp but sees Josh and walks away

*Andrè shows up to school with a knife on his belt*

Morning

Chris was walking back needing to talk to jea

-the twins walk off the bus but Jea dresses like Jenifer so it's harder to tell them apart-

"Uuhh....jea?...."

-Jenifer subtlety points at Jea-

He looks at jea "Can I talk to you privately please?..."

Jea gasps

"How'd you know it was me? Do wolves have one sort of 6th sense or something?"

"No not really but this is important..."

Weird humans

Imma go inside

Jea: What do you need?

"Something happened yesterday and I need your help...."

Jea: Go on

"Can I talk to you without people around? Please"

Jenifer: I got where she goes

"Fine i-i'm...homeless my abusive brother threw me out yesterday"

Live in a tent-like I do

"So...the reason I wanted to talk to jea is that I trust her..."

Jenny: Need me to pound on your big bro? -she cracks her knuckles-

Need a hit?

Jea: No more fighting! You promised Jenny.

Just stole a night vision scope yesterday

Jenny: I promised I'd fight less.

Well I'm a free spirit

No parents

No relatives

No love or compassion

Jenifer: You dude, who are you anyway?

Andrè

I'm a hitman

Sorta

If someone would hire me

Jenifer: I have a few enemies.

Jea: Jennyyyyy

Jenifer: Kidding! -she mouths- "Sort of"

Heh

So

Who are you, people

Jea looks at both of them

"I'm not leaving the two of you alone. Now back to Chris"

Jea: I'm Jea and this is my sister Jenny. That's all there really is to us.

"Really...."

So Chris

"Hm?"

Tents are 15 bucks at Walmart

"I am not living in no tent!"

Man up

I live in one

"And I have no money my brother has it all"

Get a job

Jea: No one should have to live in a tent.

Jenifer: I agree but it's not like there's a variety of options

Jea frowns

Welp

My mom left and my dads dead soooooo

Jea: Oh! I know. He can live with us

Jenifer: Dad would never let that slide

Jea: You're right

Jenifer: Though, they don't really need to know...

If they found out

I don't think they'd appreciate having enough bombs in their basement to cause world war 3

Jenifer: Then I'll take the heat.

Jea: Jenny no.

Jenifer: Were not debating this.

Well

It's nicer than waking up to 3 wolf spiders

Jea: By the way, you weren't serious about the bombs right?

Ummm

Maybe

But I do have sniper rifles and assault rifles

Jenifer: Dude, as cool as it sounds, no heavy artillery in the house. Maybe a few handguns. Something easy to hide.

Where the hell am I supposed to keep my mini-nuke?

I'm joking

Jea: Thank god

But where am I supposed to, keep my guns

Jea: How about you keep all of your things that could be used to incriminate you in your tent.

Jea: and OUT OF OUR HOUSE

Jenifer: Also, where are we going to keep them? Andre and Chris I mean.

Jea: no one uses the attic.

Jenifer: Too many webs to clean.

Jenifer: though, if they're willing to clean it out.

Meh

Can't be that bad

Jea turns to Chris

"What do you say?"

He smiles and nods

-later that day, at the end of school-

So

Jea: Our dad shouldn't be home but just in case, well sneak you through the back door

"And your mom?"

Jea: Dead.

"Oh.....i'm sorry for asking...."

Jea: Its fine.

Jenifer: Come on, our bus is this way

He nods and follows

*Andrè follows*

They get to the house-

-Jenifer leads them to the attic-

"thank you again"

Jea: Anything for a new friend.

Thanks

I only have my micro smg and my 2 revolvers

That's it

Jea: NO GUNS!

Jenifer: Chill out sis

"Dang.."

Hm?

Jea: what's wrong Chris

"N-nothing..."

Jea: Why'd you say dang?

Hello strange human

"Forget i said anything"

hello

my name’s jeff

Jea: What are you doing in our house?

idk i just popped into existence

so who are all of you?

Jea: I'm Jea, this is my twin sister Jenny, this our friend Chris, and some random guy named Andre

I'm a psychotic motherfucker with guns

-You all hear the front door-

Great combination

Chris turns into a puppy and hides

dude that is awesome

Jenifer: Quickly, get into the attic

Jea: And you, mystery guy, sorry but you've got to go

me?

Jenifer: Yeah you

ok *dissappears and reappears in the attic*

Mr. Kon: Girls I'm home!

-Jea walks to the living room- "Hi daddy"

Jenifer: Andre hurry up while Jea distracts him

*wonders why I had to go into the attic*

*Andrè sneaks to the attic*

*whispers*oh hey.

*whispers* why are we in here?

We're not supposed to be here

oh ok

-Jenifer closes it-

wanna see something cool andrè?

Sure

watch this... *morphs into a pit viper and slithers around andrè*

Cool

I would shoot you but that would compromise us

*morphs back into a human*

That would*

don’t shoot me

Mr. Kon notices Christ's tail

Mr. Kon: Jea, did you bring home another stray?

I’m an animagus. I can transfigure into a snake at will

Jenifer whispers: go with it

He yelps scared and runs off

Jea: Yeah. But don't be upset.

don’t laugh at me... *disappears and reappears behind André*

behind*

I can teleport too

Jenifer: I told her not to but look at his eyes.

Mr. Kon: I can't he keeps running off.

so whatcha wanna do why we’re stuck up here

Chris sits down in front of Mr. Kon and looks at him with sad eyes

Jea: Can we pleaaaase keep him?

-Mr. Kon notices a lack of man parts- "I think you mean her and..... Sure."

Jenifer: She meant him. Meet the world's first transgender dog.

Mr. Kon: The fuck?

Jea: SWEAR JAR!

The dog smiles at jenny

Mr. Kon: Are you kidding me?

Jea: Nope!

His tail wags a lot

He jumps on Mr. Kon

Mr. Kon: Ah

-the next day-

Chris wakes up

He gets ready and heads to the bus stop without being seen

*Andrè sneaks out the house and walks to school

Out*

*teleports from the attic to the first block*

Chris was in his first block

ooh hey. I remember you. u were that puppy!

He blushes "y-ya...."

*teleports behind Chris* I can transfigure into a snake

Chris stabs jeff before he spoke not knowing who it was

*writhes in pain* ow-owwww

"Oh god...... I'm so sorry" he bandages it up

i-it’s fine

I heal fairly fast too

*wound stops bleeding*

"So your not human either?"

no

idk what I am

I’m a teleporting animagus

and I have fairly fast healing abilities

"Which is not human"

yeah

"And you already know I'm not human but anyway what's your name I forgot to ask"

it’s jeff

yours?

"Chris"

well nice to meet you, Chris! *sticks hand out to shake Chris's hand*

Chris shakes his hand

so, who were the other people?

"Idk their classes...."

well, who were they?

"Jea and jenny"

*time skip to lunch*

Jea, Jenifer, and Josh show up

Together

Chris walks up to them he looks at jea and jenny "please don't be mad at me because of yesterday"

Jea: Mad about what?

*walks into the cafeteria and over to Chris*

hey guys

"About your dad seeing me... And hey"

*whispers to Chris* do other people at the school know about us having abilities or do we have to keep that hidden?

Jea: That wasn't your fault

Jenifer: It was a little. He could have stayed calm and rushed to the attic instead of running off as a puppy.

"Keep them hidden"

Jenifer: Though things worked out for the better

"Y-ya...."

damn... that means I gotta walk places

Jenifer: It's better to have him disguised as a puppy then hiding him like Andre

you guys must me Jea and Jenifer. I’m jeff

Jea: We already met

oh yeah

Jea: You popped into our house

still don’t know how I got there

"Ya"

thanks

I wanna pull a prank *smirks*

"On who?"

I don’t know

we gotta find a group of preppy girls

Jea: That would be mean.

I know

Jenifer: Yet funny.

but hella funny

Jenifer: I'm in.

Jea: Jennyyyyy.

ayy... i like your attitude *smiles and looks at jenifer* u seem pretty cool.

well chris can turn into a puppy, correct?

Jea: You're a bad influence -she glares at Jeff-

i know *smirks*

Jenifer: Not really, sweety. I was born this way. He has nothing to do with it

Jea: Yeah but he came up with the prank idea.

"Ya jeff i can.."

Jea: Besides, you've already been written up 11 times and it's only the third day of school.

Jea: Make that 15

Jea: CHRIS NOT YOU TOO

so the plan is, you’re gonna lure them over to you with the adorable puppy eyes

Josh: Can I help?

Jenifer: ew, no way.

"Oh no...."

and then i’m gonna be in snake form and i’m going to teleportin between them and you

teleport in between*

it’ll be great.

Jenifer: More of a jump scare than a prank.

and sure josh i guess you and jenifer can point chris out

yeah but still funny as hell

so you guys in?

"Yes!"

Jea turns around and crosses her arms

Jenifer: Hell yeah

Josh: Yep

-jenifer pushes Josh aside-

[dragonbagel]

Bonded - Part 2

what would happen if your beanpole bf was forced to bond with someone else? aka A/B/O rhack with 2 nerds feeling emotions.

read part 1 here  - (thank you all for the positive feedback!)

When Rhys awoke the next morning in his own bed, surrounded by his own scent and his own blankets and his own shitty company-issued posters lining the walls, he felt at peace. At least, as at peace as he could be in the given situation. He’d passed out practically as soon as he’d walked through the door, barely managing to send Jack a goodnight text before falling asleep. He hadn’t even taken his cybernetic arm off in his exhaustion, and his right shoulder felt incredibly sore.

He sighed, stretching his arms above his head with a groan and then moving to grab his phone from where it was charging next on his nightstand. Once he’d turned his alarm off, he noticed a few texts from Jack, two from last night and one from this morning. He quickly read them over before shooting him a reply.

Hey handsome. Sorry I passed out on you last night.

He’d finally worked up the willpower to drag himself out from underneath the covers when his phone dinged with a message from Jack.

You’re like an old lady with how early you go to sleep.

Rhys snorted, in the process of planning out a retort when he received another text.

I’m glad you’re okay.

Rhys smiled, warmth flooding his body as he quickly typed a response.

<3 you’d get fired for your horrible fashion sense if I wasn’t

He knew Jack was furiously working out a response about how of course a ratty sweater was acceptable work attire and how dare Rhys try to tell him that an obnoxious Hyperion yellow suit wasn’t the epitome of style.

Gotta go get ready, this hair doesn’t style itself. See you soon.

With that, he untangled himself from the blankets and padded into the bathroom he shared with his roommate Vaughn. The tiled floor was cold beneath his bare feet, and he shivered as he quickly brushed his teeth, thinking about the warm shower waiting for him the entire time. After spitting out his excess toothpaste and gargling some mouthwash, he shot himself a grin in the mirror, his teeth shiny and thankfully distracting from the dark bags under his eyes.

He sighed, detaching his cybernetic arm before stripping off his boxers and rumpled t-shirt, glad that he’d at least remembered to take off his dress pants so that they weren’t completely rumpled. Then, with a grimace, he slowly peeled the gauze from the back of his neck, his skin stinging. The wound still looked nasty, red and scabbing over, but at least it wasn’t infected. He made a mental note to thank Jack for that.

When he finally stepped into the shower, the hot water felt heavenly, wiping away the sweat and blood speckles that Jack had missed. It also relieved some of his anxiety, although he still felt on edge. How had he let that happen yesterday? He’d been so careful, he always was. He made sure to wash his clothes with ridiculous amounts of detergent the night before he wore them, and went through at least one bottle of cologne a week. He ate a seemingly endless amount of oranges in an attempt to excuse the telltale citrus scent of omegas, and before his heat, during which his scent grew incredibly strong, he made Vaughn wear his clothes beforehand to cover them in a beta smell. His friend never failed to complain, rambling on about how it was humanly impossible for Rhys to be so tall and that he didn’t know they made shirts tailored to fit beanstalks.

Vaughn was the first person he’d trusted with the knowledge that he was an omega, and aside from Jack, a few super judgmental exes whom he preferred not to think about, and his close friend Yvette, he was the only one whom Rhys felt comfortable telling omega-related things to. Rhys had told Vaughn about his endotype before they’d moved in together, because they were best friends and honestly, Rhys’ single-occupancy apartment was way too expensive. Vaughn hadn’t minded though, and if anything was very supportive. Even when Rhys was in heat, which the beta personally refused to help out with because “that would be super gay bro” and “sex toys existed for a reason,” he made sure that Rhys remained fed and hydrated while also fending off would-be visitors. The only time he’d failed to do so was when Yvette had shown up unannounced and spotted Rhys mid-heat, something she claimed still traumatized her.

Rhys smirked at the memory, although his recollection of it was fuzzy due to how heat-scrambled his brain had been at the time. Those weeks of incapacitation still embarrassed him, although with Jack’s help they at least became a bit more enjoyable. Having an alpha to take care of him was much better than having to suffer through it alone, and Vaughn had no shortage of thank-yous for not having to hear Rhys’ moaning for days on end. Jack had laughed at that, and Rhys swore he’d never blushed so hard in his life.

Vaughn wasn’t around as much anymore, having gotten fairly serious with a beta he was dating. Rhys was pretty sure that Vaughn spent more nights at her house than at their shared apartment, but he wasn’t going to complain; while he’d like to have more time to spend with his bro, he also liked being able to take his time getting ready in the morning without Vaughn fighting him for the bathroom.

He always felt better after thoroughly going through his morning beauty routine, because honestly it was inexcusable to act like he was better than everyone if he didn’t look the part as well. After massaging his mail-order shampoo and conditioner into his hair, he vigorously scrubbed his skin until all traces of sweat and blood were wiped away. He paid special attention to his bonding site, trying to get rid of the citrusy scent it emitted. If what Jack had said last night was correct, his smell was even stronger than usual. Combined with the starkly visible bite marring the back of his neck, the whole situation was just waiting to blow up in his face.

Once he felt sufficiently clean, he pulled on a pair of dark pants and a black button-down that he knew made him look pretty badass. Not being a complete higher-up did have its advantages in that he didn’t have to show up dressed to the nines every day, plus it gave him the chance to wash his clothes more regularly. His shirt collar was flipped up to hide his bonding site, and although Jack said it made him look like Dracula, there wasn’t much he could do about it. He looped a thick red tie around his neck and sprayed a few pumps of cologne on himself to complete the ensemble, flashing finger guns at himself in the mirror. Damn he looked good.

One cup of coffee later and he was on his way to the office, his slag-skin shoes reverberating against the metal floor in an all-too-satisfying way. Things felt pretty normal, and for that Rhys was thankful. Yesterday had been absolutely hellish, so an opportunity to simply go about his daily routines was like a vacation. A work-filled, paperwork-loaded vacation.

“Rhys, you have a meeting with Atlas in five minutes,” a female voice chirped later while Rhys was furiously typing at his desk.

“Thanks, Janey,” he replied, digging out the necessary files from his drawer. He had a sinking suspicion that he wasn’t quite caffeinated enough to manage whatever boredom Atlas’ marketing team had prepared for him this morning. Sighing, he grabbed an orange from the bowl he kept on his desk and headed towards the conference room, already seeing that the oval table was practically full. He knew that Atlas wanted to collaborate with Hyperion on some new weapons, but this was the very definition of overkill.

“Mr. Montgomery!” exclaimed a bald man seated at the end of the table, standing to greet Rhys and shake his hand. The omega responded in kind, covertly scanning the other man with his ECHOeye as he told him to “please, just call me Rhys.”

The man’s file revealed the typical corporate crap, like his five-page resume and hefty six-figure salary. He was also (unsurprisingly) an alpha, and although the majority of Rhys’ business meetings were conducted with those of the so-called “dominant” endotype, it made him more uneasy on that day than usual. His attention was soon drawn, however, to the man’s home planet: Pandora. He was surprised that the Atlas representative was comfortable sharing that information, even more so that he’d been able to secure such a high-up position with the negative connotation that Pandora tended to bring with it.

“Mr. Montgom-- Rhys,” the man said, correcting himself with a smile. “I’m Baron Flynt, although I’m sure your ECHOeye told you that.”

Rhys flushed slightly, but the Baron didn’t seem upset. “I’m also sure you know why we’re here this morning.”

“You want in on the new line of SMGs we’re producing,” Rhys replied with his trademark smirk.

“Precisely,” Flynt said, pulling a stack of blueprints from his briefcase and setting them on the table. “Torgue has been kicking both of our asses in the market of SMGs, if you’ll excuse my language.”

Rhys simply chuckled, signaling for him to continue.

“As you can see from our designs, the addition of our newly-developed elemental artifact can give an edge to Hyperion’s plan,” he said, gesturing to the stack of papers.

Rhys slid the pile towards him, slowly flipping through the first few pages of blueprints.

“Impressive,” he said. “I’d like to look this over further, but I think Hyperion will definitely be interested.”

Flynt gave a slight bow. “Thank you, sir. We’ve drawn up a possible contract, were out partnership to come to fruition.”

Rhys felt eyes shifting in his direction as a blonde-haired Atlas businesswoman carried a thick manilla folder toward Rhys. Maybe they were just looking at him because he was the sexy face representing the company whose feet they were practically groveling at. Or maybe it was because they could smell him, could tell that he didn’t belong. He quickly grabbed the orange he’d brought with him to the meeting for this exact purpose and peeled it, neatly placing the rinds on a napkin. The strong, citrus scent soon permeated the room, and some tension left his shoulders.

He thanked the woman as she handed him the folders, wiping his flesh hand on the napkin as to not get juice on the paperwork. The matrix of fine print attacking his eyes caused him to close the file moments after opening it, not wanting to trigger yet another work-induced migraine. He was about to assure the Baron that he’d make sure to give the contract to Hyperion’s lawyers if the company decided to collaborate when he felt his phone buzz at his hip.

Still on for our lunch date?

Rhys smiled as the text flashed across the retina of his ECHOeye, the heartwarming fact that it was from Jack overpowering his embarrassment at the blatant unprofessionalism.

“Well, Mr. Flynt, it has been a pleasure meeting with you and your team this morning,” Rhys said, popping another slice of orange into his mouth. “You’ll receive our response to your proposal by the end of the week.”

The Baron nodded in thanks, gesturing for his co-workers to pack up and exit the room. Rhys gave them each a smile as they passed, assuring them that their offer was going to be seriously considered. One of them must have bumped into him as they walked, because his attention was drawn from covertly sending Jack a response to a stinging in his left shoulder. However, he wasn’t able to make eye contact with the poor sap who’d knocked into to him, who was no doubt completely embarrassed and about to beg for Rhys’ forgiveness, because of an odd rush of emotions that suddenly overtook him.

His skin felt tingly, light and fluttery and sparkly, if that was even possible. He furrowed his brows, because his body felt hot, too hot, yet a cold chill settled over him at the same time. Was he sick? No, he couldn’t be, no way; besides, being ill wasn’t typically a pleasant experience, and despite the temperature fluctuations he was experiencing and the ringing in his ears, something deep inside him felt content.

“Mr. Montgomery?”

Rhys looked up at the sound of his name, snapped out of his trance by Flynt’s concerned voice.

“Are you alright, sir?”

Rhys nodded, regaining his senses as the strange feelings previously enveloping him subsided. His pulse quickened at the sight of the Baron’s nostrils flaring, and he shoved another slice of orange into his mouth to remind the alpha that the citrus scent was most definitely not coming from Rhys’ body, not at all.

“I apologize, I haven’t eaten much this morning,” Rhys said, hoping to let the excuse blanket both his orange-snacking and momentarily zoning out.

“It’s no problem, sir,” Flynt said, his voice still more filled with worry than suspicion. “Please, go get something to eat. I will be back at the end of the week to revisit our proposition.”

“Thanks,” Rhys said, smiling and eating the last piece of the orange. “I look forward to working with you.”

Flynt gave him a salute before turning and exiting the room, leaving Rhys alone to gather the materials they’d provided to him. He realized he hadn’t actually responded to Jack’s message earlier, so he quickly sent him a response, telling him that he’d be at their favorite cafe in the Hub in ten minutes.

“Janey, can you send these over to Hyperion’s legal team for me?” Rhys asked once he’d made it back to his office, files in hand.

“Sure,” Janey said, happily taking the papers.

Rhys nodded his appreciation before placing the packet of prototype designs onto his desk. He’d look at them more thoroughly after getting some much-needed food in his body.

I’ve got our table in the corner.

Rhys smiled at the text from Jack, which came with an accompanying selfie of the man himself seated in front of a flower-surrounded bay window. He wore a grin on his face that he knew charmed the pants off of Rhys, and Rhys would be lying if he said it wasn’t doing all sorts of things to his body.

He grabbed his wallet and jacket before heading out and locking the door behind him.

I’ll be right there, handsome.