#some may ask why im doing this to myself and i simply reply because i am a masochist clearly

[aetherkidatheart]

I haven't watched past episode 3 of Affair: The Series because I want to binge it after the time jump happens until the final episode in one go, but I just saw a recent gifset and I'm holding on for dear life

[seraphont]

FAQ & Important Info

About me:

bday: march 30th

lgbt?: im bi

What can we call you?

Seraphont is fine, its supposed to be a play on of Seraph and Serif Font, you can call me Seraph!

What pronouns do you use?

I'd prefer They/Them, but you can use She/Her.

Whats your Main blog?

not posting it publically for now.

Dying and Getting Over It (DaGOI au) Related:

Where can I read DaGOI?

It will be uploaded to my Ao3. its currently being written, so there is no link to the fic yet.

When will you post the fic?

short answer: I'm not sure, possibly by early october. its my first time writing a fic, so I ask you to be patient with me! the outline is written and being tweaked, and its going through adjustments now that MD ep 8 is out. Im also moving across the world, so I'm a tad bit busy rn.

Will you include MD ep8 into the canon of your fic?

at first I was on the fence, but its grown on me, its being integrated now.

Will you be drawing all of DaGOI in comic form?

if I was a stronger man I would. I'll mostly be drawing key story moments. making comics is an aid to helping me write. so I'll be making a lot, but I may not be posting them until the chapters start coming out (trying not to spoil everything). to give you an idea, as of writing this, I have 6 comics on the backburner lol.

Art Related:

What art program(s) do you use?

Procreate -Brushes: Shiyoon Kims Wet Brush pack (X) (everything you see on this blog is made with this brushpack) and several Max Packs (X) for procreate

How long have you been drawing?

I've always drawn, but I started getting really serious at 14, around the same time I first made my main blog. I was self taught up until I got into animation school.

What do you do as a career?

I'm currently doing Freelance work for publishers and individuals. I was previously an animator, I'm making the move to storyboarding

Do you take requests/commissions?

I do have commissions open. only lineart, and flat colours are available. if you want a rendered piece: slots are closed, but you can dm me for interest.

Asks and Messaging:

Rules for asks/tagging?

Anyone can send me an Ask, Mutuals, Anons or not!

Dont send discourse or anything explicitly NSFW. you'll be blocked lol. I'd prefer if you didnt send suggestive. if you send me triggering content I’ll mind blast you into dust. (block).

Do not send and DNI's?

Transphobia, Homophobia, Acephobia. All the obvious bigot contenders.

SA, pdfilia and incest are absolute no goes.

are you okay with me direct messaging you?

only if we have spoken before/ you're giving me a headsup about something/ I've prompted you to send me one.

***minors: please refrain from dming me to chit chat, im not down to.***

Why don’t you answer my asks/dms?

my main has 1000+ asks and my other side blog is pushing 250+, sometimes the ask's get lost in the sauce. that being said, some ask's go unaswered because: 1. it might spoil too much if I were to answer. 2. I simply have to think hard to reply. 3. its super nice and im hoarding it all for myself.

Misc

Can you reblog my donation posts?

no. too many scams.

[cielles-random-vault]

on the verge of dying falling

🦕miguel x reader

authors note: HENLO MY LOVES I MISSED YOU SM ITS BEEN MONTHS SINCE I DIDN'T POST ANY WORK IM SO HAPPY TO FINALLY BE BACK

author's note 2: i pet a dog today. life? completed.

author's note 3: does that mean my mental health is better? probably not. but we up 🗣‼️

author's note 4: i physically hurt myself while writing this. also dedicated to @unabashedcroissanttreefan (ly pookie wifey)

synopsis: he's on the verge of dying. you're the hq nurse who healed him. you saved him,but it seems he wants something more from you.

content: miguel x gender neutral reader (though fem reader was in mind), reader is hq's nurse, mention of dying, hospital talk, ooc miguel? injury and angst

“Lyla, do you have any tips for migraines?” asked Miguel,

- I don’t, she replies with a smile, but I have to remind you you have to go to the nursery for your weekly check-up.

-Do I really have to go? Asked Miguel with a pout. You know they scare me and -

-Seriously? You’re fighting anomalies all year long and you’re scared of a little check-up? (she laughs) you’re really strange.

- I know but-

-No buts! I booked you an appointment at 2:30pm!

-It’s no fair (he does the same pout as he did before) why don’t you have to go?

- That’s the perk of having no physical body! (she winks) plus I heard they’re super nice!”

While Lyla and Miguel waited for their appointment, you were doing some stuff in your office. Once 2:30pm arrived, you head a gentle knock on your door.

“-Hello! Is this your first time there? You ask with a smile. I don’t remember seeing you there. Lyla told me you’d come but she didn’t tell me your name. You are?

- I’m hum, I’m Miguel O'Hara. He stutters, uncertain.

-Nice to meet you then! (you smile as you wave his hand, check your files and notice he never came to the supposedly mandatory weekly check-ups.) No wonder why I never saw you there! You exclaim on a light-hearted tone. So-

-No need to worry about that! He hurries. I just came there because of my migraines, they’re pretty frequent and-

-Oh! You cut him off. It’s simple, you just have to take this! (you hand him a little box of painkillers.) But if I were you, I’d be careful as frequent migraines can be a sign of early stage brain cancer. So I’d recommend you to do a full body check up, so that we could notice (déceler) some tumors. But if you want to go, I’m not forcing you to stay!

The desperate look Miguel gave you made you understand he was willing to stay.

-Do we really have to do this? He uncertainly asked as you got him laying down on a dentist chair.

-Yes! You say as you put on a surgeon mask. A full body check-up isn’t a full body one if I don’t check your teeth too! Now open wide!

A few moments go by as you inspect his teeth, when all of a sudden you feel a sharp jolt of pain go through your hand.

-I’m sorry! Miguel hurried, I didn’t mean to do that!

- It’s fine don’t worry! You reassure him as you put a bandage on your hand where he bit you. At least I found the issue! If your head hurt so much it was simply because your teeth are moving.

- So the whole brain cancer thing was a lie?

-Partly, but I told you this because weekly check-ups are important! You say as you pout lightly. I was starting to think you never came because you hated me… Anyway, can you please fill in this? It’s a medical about me sheet! The more honest and accurate you will be, the better I will be able to heal you! I know I may look scary, but I mean no harm really! Just see me as a friend, okay?

“A friend?” Miguel thought to himself, and a strange warmth invaded his heart. He has been a loner most of his life, but it sure felt nice to know he could reach out to someone whenever he needed to.

- You WHAT? Lyla exclaimed as you were away to get some medicine.

-I bit them. Miguel admitted shamefully.

- Now they’re the one who’s going to be scared of you! Lyla chuckled between laughter.

- I like you a whole bunch but if you don’t shut up right now I’ll turn the WiFi off.

- Say what you want, I saw how hard you blushed when they got you sitting down!

- Aight that’s it I’m turning you off-

- You better not-

A few moments later, you came back in the room with some syringes and a plaster mold.

-Uhh, what is all that for? Miguel asked, unsure.

- It’s because you need braces! You say as you hand him the plaster mold. Instead of biting my hand, bite this instead please!

-I need… braces?

- Mhm! It’s because of your fangs! For some reason, when they grew they pushed back your other teeth and that’s where all your migraines came from! If you came more often, you would’ve not needed these!

///…A few moments later…///

-There we go! Don’t hesitate to come again if they’re too tight, but normally the painkillers should be enough!

Once Miguel was gone, you treated your other patients until the end of your day, and decided to check Miguel’s file.

-Lyla?

- Yes?

- Can you tell me more about Miguel’s past? I noticed a weird mark on his shoulder and he didn’t mention anything similar in his file.

-I love you a whole bunch sunshine, but you know I can’t do this.

-Please? I need to know if I want to heal him more efficiently!

-Fine, Lyla sighed. Before the whole spiderverse protection thing, he worked at Alchemax and found out some bad stuff happened, his boss found out he knew so he forced him to take some shitty drugs which turned him into an addict.

-But why didn’t he tell me?

Lyla raised an eyebrow and smiled.

- Well sunshine, you know how he is! She chuckled, Always grumpy and never wanting to admit his weaknesses! And probably because he wanted you to have a good first impression of him!

-Ohhh. You think out loud. That makes much more sense now.

-One last thing sunshine! (you turn your head towards her) You didn’t hear this from me,

okay? Don’t mention any of this unless he speaks about it first!

-Mkay! Thanks, you’re the best Lyla!

A few weeks later, you kept on meeting and healing random patients, but you had no sign of Miguel.

-Is there anything new today? You ask Lyla, feeling like boredom getting the best of you.

-Nope, still nothing sunshine. Are you okay? She asked with a hint of worry in her voice.

-I’m fine, you sigh as you laid back on your chair, it’s just… Not being a spiderperson is boring.

- You know, by healing all those heroes, it’s as if you save people as well!

- I mean, if you put it that way… You chuckled. Thank you Lyla, you truly know how to cheer up people! (someone knocked on the door) Miguel? What are you doing here?

- I came here uh… Because I ran out of medicine.

-Oh! Of course! There you go!

-Thank you, he mumbles. I also got you this by the way, he stutters, handing you a wildflowers bouquet. As an apology for uh… Your hand.

-Oh! Thank you, but you really didn’t need to! You thank him with a genuine smile. Did you need anything else from me?

-I’ll be fine thank you!

-Lyla?

-Mmh?

-You’re the one who gave him the idea right?

- You wouldn’t believe me if I told you I didn’t, right?

-Not in the slightest, you chuckled, but it’s still cute though!

A few weeks pass as you find yourself daydreaming again while Miguel and the others were on a mission.

- What do you think of Miguel? Lyla asked you on a soft innocent tone.

-What do you mean by that? You ask her back, intrigued.

- Well, he got you your favorites flowers, and ever since that day he seems like to get injured pretty often, even if it’s just small cuts…

- I see the point you’re trying to make and – don’t you give me that look, you say as you notice Lyla smirking, he’s my boss, OK? He’s probably acting like this because I’m the only person bringing him some comfort and-

-That’s the exact reason he would fall in love with someone! Think about it! I see how he is with you, it’s as if he’d trust you enough to talk to you about his daughter!

- Really? You ask in disbelief.

-Yes! Even though he sucks at showing so, I can assure you he cares about you! I’ve known him for years now, and he acts with you like he acts with nobody and-

At this exact moment, Miguel abruptly came in the room, badly injured? He had a lot of cuts all over his body and was losing so much blood he was on the verge of passing out.

- Please… Need… Healing… he murmured.

- Lyla, scan his vital lifeline and tell me which ones need healing first! You hurried, trying your best to keep your calm.

- There’s a serious wound near his heart! Be quick, he’s losing a lot of blood!

- Lyla… Miguel said, barely whispering. Am I going to die?

- Of course! But not today! You say as you kept on pressing on his wounds, making a fortune bandage out of random fabric you found. Lyla, call Pablo and tell her to come here and put Miguel in intensive care.

-Lyla… Miguel whispered, his eyes closed, tell y/n I love them, OK? Thank you… For every… thing… Think I’m going… to sleep … a little now…

He then put his head on your lap, waiting for the robot to arrive, while you cupped his face, crying silently.

- It’s not your fault, sunshine, you did your best, Lyla tried to reassure you as you both waited in front of Miguel’s hospital room.

- Apparently, it wasn’t enough… you sigh, defeated. Be honest, do you think he’ll survive?

- I don’t know sunshine, I don’t know…

A few hours passed as you both nervously waited for any doctor to give you news of Miguel, but every person you asked didn’t know or simply ignored you. You then started to fall asleep on your chair, the exhaustion getting the best of you, when a doctor gently patted your shoulder to wake you up.

-Y/N? I have news for you. You brought Miguel… (he checks his files) Miguel O'Hara, right? (you nod as you feel your heart miss a beat). He got seriously injured and he lost a lot of blood, so we had to put him in an artificial coma. We don’t know if he’ll make it, but I’m sure he would appreciate some company. Would you mind following me please?

The doctor then led you to Miguel’s room before softly closing the door behind you.

- Hi, uh, I hope you’re doing OK wherever you are. The doctors said you would like some company, so I’m staying here for a while. I don’t know if you can hear me, but if you can, well, I’m sorry. I really did try my best to save you. And… if I failed… (a knot starts forming in your throat) if you joined your daughter, well, I hope you’re happy with her. And I hope what you told Lyla earlier, the ‘tell Y/N I love them, was true. Because, even though bringing a smile to your face is the hardest thing to do – you know I always like a challenge! You chuckle with a faint smile, I still want to see that grumpy, but lovely, face of yours. Anyway, I’ll stop talking for a while, but I’ll stay here until I have news from the doctors. Please don’t leave us. The multiverse needs you. I need you.

You then kept on telling him random details of your day, as a way to convince yourself he was still alive. You kept on doing so for so much time you ended up falling asleep with your head on his chest, listening to his slow and steady heartbeat.

- Y/N? Softly murmured Miguel after what seemed to you an eternity. He looked a bit taken aback seeing you like this, slowly waking up from your head on his chest.

- Miguel!! you happily exclaimed as you hugged him, wiping away your tears. I thought you were – you know- I thought you didn’t make it and it would be all my fault and-

- Hey hey, he reassured you, softly patting your back, secretly surprised someone cared about him enough to visit him in his hospital room. I’m alive see? I’m a big boy! (he coughs) can you please go ask the doctors for more painkillers please?

A few moments passed as the doctors gave Miguel more medicine. You and Lyla were now talking with the doctors to see when Miguel could go out of the hospital. By a shared agreement, it has been decided that Miguel could leave the hospital only if he lived with a near caregiver.

- There is my apartment! You say as both reached your doorstep. It’s not that big but it’ll -

-Thank you. You truly saved my life.

- That’s my job, silly! You replied with a bright and relieved smile. At least, by living with me, I’ll be able to heal you right away! However, I have a bad news: now, check-ups won’t be weekly anymore but daily!

- But -

- No but! Now get your ass on the couch and relax before I force you to, and r e l a x! You've been through hell today and you need some rest!

You then headed to the kitchen to make something to eat for the both of you, but to your surprise, when you came back, you found him asleep on your couch, it was truly an endearing view.

///…The next morning… ///

-Time to change those bandages, you say to yourself, as a way to give yourself courage.

You then got on top of him, putting your legs on both sides of his hips. You started to take off the bandages on his face, taking endless precautions to not hurt him.

You didn’t notice Miguel was awake until you felt his hands on your waist.

-You’re cute when you’re on top of me, he chuckled with a sly smirk, we should do this more often.

You firmly push him back on the couch before adding:

- Not now big boy, making me flustered won’t make this faster for both of us, now stay still, will you?

You then lightly push his hair back to not hurt him while taking off his bandages. You tried your best to stay focused, but the thing is he still had his hands around your waist, and you would be lying if you told yourself he didn’t look cute underneath you…

After a few moments, Miguel finally broke the silence:

- I didn’t tell you, but you look very cute, carinõ

You rolled your eyes, but your blushing cheeks betrayed you.

Once you were done healing him, you headed to the kitchen to make breakfast for both of you.

Your thoughts were racing like crazy. What if Lyla was right? What if Miguel did see you as more than a friend? Even worse, what if you reciprocated these hypothetical feelings?

A few more days passed as Miguel could now take care of himself on his own.

- Well, there you go… you sigh, your heart aching a bit from seeing him leave. I’m glad you’ve fully recovered now, don’t hesitate to come agai-

He interrupted you by kissing you, having you slightly pinned against the wall of your apartment’s doorstep. It felt like a relief to both of you, as if none of you dared to do it, yet it was like the physical contact was a life threatening need for the both of you.

The kiss was fierce and passionate, yet there was something – you couldn’t quite put your finger on it – you couldn’t help but find cute.

You both stayed in this position for what seemed eternity, but what is an eternity when you are in love?

On the verge of dying falling

end

[nicolesainz]

Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince (CP 10)

Christian Pulisic x f!reader

Warnings: heavy swearing, angst, violence and fluff

A/N: as if it isn’t already obvious from where i was inspired to write this one shot (the connection between chris and maathp can’t be undone, but im glad)

Summary: you always counted on yourself to defend against the bullies and mean comments on the press, although now things have changed, as he will be the one saving you from running in the dark

“She’s only on the team because of her boyfriend being the captain. Otherwise she’d be in a B category”

“She has two left feet. Can’t even kick a ball properly”

“Poor Christian, hope he finds someone better than her”

“Pulisic being with a girl out of his league? Shameful.”

Usually, one would find me in our room crying my heart out and with my mind racing between ‘Would Chris be better without me?’ and ‘What must I do to improve myself’.

I’ve been receiving this comments ever since mine and Christian’s relationship was announced. We had the support of friends, family and teammates and from a big portion of the fans, but some of them bite back. They don’t like what they see.

Well, they mostly don’t want to see me.

Girls hate the fact that their favorite footballer is taken and boys think I’m privileged enough to be on the Women’s USA team.

I’ve always told Chris to not respond any of these. That they don’t affect me. But they do. They hurt and I am a human, not a fucking robot.

He always wants to reply or post something on his story about defending me and leaving us to our peace, but I tell him to stay back. I don’t want anyone to hate him or have him receive nasty comments. He surely doesn’t deserve this.

We were now at Cobham, while he was training, I was discussing with the team about our next session. I decided to take a break and just scroll through my insta. I recently posted a pic of me and the team, reaching the semi-final at Copa America and once again, they were there

“You did nothing”

“Useless player”

“Only there because of Chris”

“Just leave. We don’t need you”

“Next time, I will break your phone in half and throw it in a pond” I look up to see the constantly kind Mason.

He was the only one who knew about this ugly situation. Mostly because he once caught be crying at their changing room. It was one of my most vulnerable moments. And I was glad to have him there.

“Don’t tell Chris. Please. I am fine. I’ve been used to them”

“But you shouldn’t be. Let him help you. He can shut their mouths. I know you are strong but you shouldn’t have to put up with their bullshit”

Mason sat next to me, not removing his eyes from mine. We had grown very close and was my best friend. He knew that I wasn’t in a position to pressure Chris into doing something that may hurt him publicly.

“Maybe I will just disappear from social media. The fans will still see me at the club’s posts and I won’t bother seeing the comments. Problem solved” I shrugged and put my phone in my pocket.

“You shouldn’t have to limit yourself to please others. You will say, do and post whatever you want. They aren’t in your place to understand the worries and pains of this sport”

He is right. I do agree. But I can’t fight back this time. I fear that no matter what I say, it will come back at me like a boomerang. Fuck!

Before Mason gets on to continue, Christian comes up to us with Ben following him. He looks exhausted but also with a questionable look plastered on his face.

“Why hello, Y/N. What brings you around?” Ben greets me with a hug.

“Here to support the superstar. Plus, I’ll be leaving soon for the international games, so as much time as I spent with him, the better” I smile at my boyfriend who has his arms around my waist, softly kissing my collarbone.

“All the best! Hope the team does well. We have faith in ya!”

“Shall we get going babe?” Chris asked me, looking at the time on his phone.

I simply nodded my head smiling and collectively said goodbye to his two teammates, first to Ben and then Mason.

Once I finally was for the last time in Mason’s embrace he whispered in my ear ‘he loves you more than anything and would fight the world just to see you happy’

I held Christians hand in mine and walked back to his car. The ride despise it being silent, it was comforting as my eyes didn’t remove from his beautiful physique. I loved admiring him.

In Chris, I had found true love and compassion. Feelings I thought didn’t exist, until we met.

When we reached our house, Christian dropped his bag on the floor and immediately spoke up.

“Please talk to me” he sounded like pleading.

“What do you mean?” I knew what he meant. Very well!

“Baby let me help you. Mason has told me about the incident back in the changing rooms.”

“I’m a burden to you Chris. Nothing more. And I hate doing this to me” tears start escaping my eyes.

Christian instantly wrapped me in his arms tightly. “Your name in my mind, has as its synonym the word ‘love’. You could never be a burden. More like my source of happiness”

“People are judging you for being with me and telling you deserve better. Which you do. You’re deserving of the world.”

“But you are my world. I don’t want anything fucking else but you, my dear. Let them judge. They don’t know what a wonderful woman you are!”

“What if we-“

“Don’t you dare fucking finish this sentence. I will never leave you. And neither will you me. I will fight for you. I don’t give a single penny if they start hating on me or talking shit about me. As long as you’re with me, I can handle everything else”

Chris cupped my cheeks, not wanting to remove his hands from any part on my body. I knew that without him, I wouldn't feel safe or loved. It's a feeling that only one person can create. And I am more than thankful to have had this with him.

"I don't want to hurt you, I love you more than anything that I have. I do not wish for people to hate you just because of me. This is unfair."

My eyes are bloodshot red and a soft kiss lands on my lips, as Chris has the urge to prove something to me with that move.

"A kiss, a touch and a hug of yours, are the reasons I breathe. Without you, I would be hurt. Without you life would be meaningless. Football is my career but you are my present and certainly future. I love you, Y/N and I will fight the goddamn world for you. No one else, you hear me?"

"Can you hold me like this forever? From the moment we met, I have never wanted to stay in a place so badly" I cooed softly, hiding my head on his chest.

"Baby, we can stay like this forever. Since that's what we both want, then it stands. And I had no intention of letting you go any time soon. I have planned a lot of things for us"

At moments like these, you know that if the person in front of you, would guard you with his life no matter the case, they are your one true love.

[shanti-ashant-hai]

Hello! I really want some serious girl-to-girl advice. I met this boy about a month back at a get-together. We instantly hit it off, and before leaving, he asked for me insta id. He messaged me after a day, and we have been speaking on call as well as on text. Now, the issue is that he replies after 20-22 hours most of the time. I get it that he doesn't owe me any explanations about what he does, and I genuinely like talking to him, but I am afraid I am making a fool out of myself by replying timely even though there are chances he may not even like me so or want to talk to me. He would make out time if he really wanted to, right? What should I do?

ok so this really depends on the type of texter he is. take me for example. i take A G E S to text back, not because im ignoring you or anything, simply because im not online half of the time. its why i tell everyone to call me because whoooo boy am i bad at replying back

my boyfriend also replies late, but by only a few hours, again, not because he hates you, but because he simply doesnt look at his phone that often. his phone is constantly on 10% battery because he never even looks at it

so if you have any mutual friends, ask them if he texts back like that to them too. if yes- there you have it, its not you its his texting habit

however if its only you, my advice is to slowly distance your self by slowly not replying back immediately. take an hour to reply back first, then 2 then 3 and so on.

[allamericansbitch]

question is... are you gonna be up to listen and vibe with shake it off and me! along with the rest of bops and Lover songs? cause to me... fans who constantly hate on songs and complain about having them on the setlist aren't that different from the tiktok swifties that are spoiling the fun for everyone else (and that obviously includes you with certain albums, songs and even atw10mv...) I mean, some fans act like they're so cool and clever for loving everlore and speak now, to even despise Reputation and Lover as if they weren't a big part of her discography. or saying certain songs shouldn't be part of the album just because they personally don't like them? Jeez. just stop listening to them then, you don't need to complain all the time and indirectly make us feel like loving those songs is being immature and lacking taste... is that being a good fan, though? cause those albums are part of her career you know, each album of hers is so different from one another and she made them that way, with that specific tracklist for a reason. as much as you hate it (possibly that's why you hate it) me! yntcd, the man and all those tracks you want to erase from Lover or replace with the unreleased ones, are precisely what made Lover being Lover. they are Lover! and the album wouldn't exist without them. and as crazy or stupid as it may sound to you, guess what... there's people who like those songs! who love the album as a whole and get the concept out of it... and people who are actually dying to hear those songs live in this tour! as they're most likely gonna be. so yeah, are you gonna roll your eyes when she plays them and start complaining, or are you gonna like, actually have fun and vibe with the concert you're in?? because I really don't understand why would someone get tickets for a concert when they don't even like the majority of bops/songs and they even keep on mocking the rest of people who do... I don't understand and it makes me so angry actually, cause it is so damaging. not only for the rest of fans but for Taylor herself and the disrespect of her work you're doing as a "fan". (I'm sorry, but I've been biting my tongue for a couple of days now looking at your replies and I just, couldn't handle it more)

this is truly an insane mindset to have wow. are you saying i'm not a 'real fan' because i don't love 100% of her discography? and i should force myself to love every song in order to be perceived as a 'real fan' in your eyes? im a bad fan for having my own personal taste and not loving every song simply because taylors name is attached to it? sadly im my own person who can have their own opinions on things.

there's a drastic difference in 'i dont like this song' to 'if i hear it live im gonna leave how dare she perform it'. i guarantee she's gonna have songs on the set list that aren't in my top 30 songs of hers. i don't love me! but you bet im gonna sing along and scream spelling is fun because... get this... the show is not about me. she's performing for 10,000+ people a night she has to go broad and play songs for the general public. i'm not expecting her to only perform the songs i specifically want. are there some songs i prefer over others? yes. am i gonna walk out of the stadium the second i hear the start of me!? no... because why tf would i do that. all of this is a joke. this is tumblr.com. anytime i joked about not liking a song it was never that serious. also where did you get that i don't like the majority of her bops or songs in general? because thats just false?

people can like albums i personally dont like. you mentioning me taking some songs off of lover was literally because someone asked what songs i would take off. are you mad because i simply answered a question?

and im sorry you find it 'so damaging' for people to have different opinions on music than you, it's almost like none of this is serious. and im sure taylor is really hurt by a random account on tumblr not loving some of her previous work, im sure she's real torn up about it 💀💀. it's not like shes a grown women who's dealt with way more serious scrutiny all her life... no for sure tayorswift.tumblr.com not loving lover or reputation is at the top of her list of trauma.

[leaffiii]

Hi, sorry for waiting, i have a little headache

- Snake man and Gemini man have a little agreement between them. Mostly all they do is trying to investigate who was Gemini before he ended up activating all alone in Archive Sector 019. I honestly believe that ether Gemini has no memory at all or that he has only handful of fragments but nothing more.

- Gemini provides cover for Snake with holograms and Snake is the one to search for clues. Maybe Gemini himself is distracting guards, saying that he was curious about tours that will be there or just with pep talk, while Snake trying to search for something thats worth to look at.

- Sometimes Gemini asks Snake to search for some "dirt" about some people. But they aren't trying to investigate who is Mega Man, since if he will find out about this beforehand, it will be a lot of trouble with him, trying to figure out they're goal or just straight up fighting them.

- Gemini is actually weak to Search Snakes. In a sense that he finds them very, very adorable and useful. It's a big part of the reason why he chose Snake man to begin with.

- Search Snakes have mind of they're own, they are not just some modified security cameras. But they can be plugged in Snake to share information they have with him. Same with Aki too. (Imagine Mega Mini riding it, or having it in Aki's head, saying "get out, you are an outdoor snake!")

- Snake just thinks that Gemini is afraid of them, because he sees him looking at them a lot, but trying at all costs not to interact with them (Gemini DROWNS that urge to snuggle with them, he simply can't be seen acting like this)

- Gemini may or may not had intrusive thoughts about stealing Search Snakes after his deal with Snake man will be over. These thoughts might go away if he'd received some more character development because of Snake.

Thanks for listening to my rattle of an insane man, have some sketches

Oh my GOSH I am slurping these up like soup- let me try and reply to most of these because hrngnrng the brainrot is real and these are so cute

I currently consider most of the backstories spoilers, since I want to do more comics for the AU as a whole (For example, story-wise almost no one knows where Gemini came from. DZN-001 did end up disappearing from the archive a while before Gemini showed up in Silicon City though...). I'm glad i was able to spark theorization hehe >:].

But yeah! They do have a sort of "agreement", with Snake ending up working more closely with Gemini (Mainly since they work well together and get along pretty well), but there ARE others involved ;)

OOOH definitely. They both know a lot more than they let on, specific people of interest to them are notable figures from the Hard War, like Sgt. Night, but the reasons behind it are spoilery (oops)

OH MY GOD IM. That's so god dang cute, that's definitely being canonized oh my lordy

THE REST OF THE HCS TOO... i made the search snakes the little guys of all time, i should've expected this hrngnnrg /pos

I can't convey to you the sheer joy I get from seeing your art of them like.. i treasure all the fanart i get but these invoke so much positive emotions to me it's INSANE. It's . Thanmk you so much hhrnngng :]

Once I get the final two or three more planned robots designed, I'm gonna try and kick myself into story/backstory mode (or at least give them some profiles at least lol) so stay tuned ehehe :]

[pixyys]

At this point, I'm just used to your jokes now. Still doesn't mean that I cringe whenever I hear them /j

Indeed, I suppose I could become novice musicians along with Lippmann. Do you want to join us? It might even be cheap because of a two-in-one deal. I'll keep on learning the piano while you two can learn the violin. Maybe learn some musician pickup lines to impress Lippmann later on.

And for the Chopin? I thought about it again, but I think that it isn't considered sacrilegious. It still sounds nice afterall, and I'm pretty sure Chopin wouldn't mind. But I prefer the piano version as it sounds more clear.

Please don't give your jokes to Lippmann or anybody else. I can put up with it as I'm your brother, but other people will simply die of the cringiness of your corny jokes lmaoo /j. And afterwards I'll actually decapacitate myself because of the amount of terrible jokes I've had to hear. Pianoman don't you dare xD

An old couple, you say? Well, I don't know how to feel about that; we aren't even together. I convinced Silver to finally take a nap, but she just couldn't sleep. So in the end I had to literally hug her and stroke her hair to help her fall asleep... my heart has never pounded so quickly and loudly before.

Oh, my dear sister, how you make me laugh. I just wonder how you haven't thought up of such an easy reply, but I guess I am a genius. And do not worry, your secret is safe with me, because I definitely do not want to be strangled by those wires while being bombarded with your corny jokes.

Really? Is that what you know him for? Well, that Dazai definitely is cunning and mischievous. I'd have you know that he went head-to-head with Iceman, and Iceman even failed to assassinate him, so he isn't a 'poor guy'. And please don't try your jokes on him. He'd quite frankly punch you.

-🎹

P.S. At least you think so? Well, pray tell, what happens in those 'romance novels' that you read? And as for the date? I think it's still too early... however I think I know what Silver feels for me

ahh this is exactly why i love you <3 finee, i'll tone it down with the "cringy" jokes, at least in your presence.

see? i was right when i said you should change your name to "genius man." do you need to ask? i'm definitely down for it. finally, i'll get another chance. this time with the musician pickup lines. there's really no going back if i mess up again. i just hope i won't embarrass myself in either that or my violin learning process. thanks, genius man!

hm. by the way, do you think lippmann is "lippmann" because he has pretty-looking lips? /lmaoooo plss im cryinf asdfjkl anyway-

ooh, i'm glad it isn't some form of artistic sacrilege. i sometimes listen to orchestra performances, but you're right. having a single musical instrument-say, a piano- dedicated to a single piece will make the performance much clearer.

ha! bet! maybe i'll start saying it to someone i probably won't meet again. like the barista i buy my morning coffee from! or the newspaper guy, or the old lady walking her dog down the street-okay that may be a bit too cruel. i'll probably still say one or two things to the men you stationed near our house though. to alleviate their stress and tension for a bit./lmao the saga continues

you.. you what?? brother, you don't even hold me and stroke my hair to sleep when we were toddlers. i think i'm missing something. oooh boy, when's the wedding day? i can't wait to be an aunt. i wonder if it's gonna be a boy? or a girl? or twins! everyone should be invited. we'll have the grandest celebration ever.

aww this is why i love youu (2nd edition). seriously though. err, does this 'nakahara chuuya' has bright orange hair and uh, quite petite in stature? i bumped into him when i was on my way to see you, and he looked quite.. severe. my tongue just acted on its own, and that "axolotl joke" came out. he did give me a nasty sting eye, but i didn't get punched! i guess that's a good thing..? ahaha..

p.s. you know of her feelings?? excellent. this is all according to plan. i'm just a little worried a possible misunderstanding might breach you apart, though. you know, what if she thinks you're feeling attraction to someone else after you asked her about that "crush"? that sounds like a recipe for disaster.

[chogiwow]

dude so i saw ur reply last night but i was in desperate need of sleep but also didn't sleep bc i was just engrossed in a book IVDSNS BUT this morning i opened up my inbox and couldnt find ur reply and was so confused and as i continued to be unable to find it in my inbox i got sadder and then i realised im stupid bc the reply wouldn't be in my inbox 🧍‍♂️anyways semi-long reply sorry hehe (semi-long bc ive defs sent longer ones)

ahh i see i see @ substack. reminds me of medium, which i've come across before... i did debate exploring medium as another writing platform, but never got around to it vsjnvks so its nice that u bring substack to my attention bc now i can compare 🤩 well. maybe not now now but yknow. whenever i decide to/can get around to it NVJDKNSK

100% agree w and have had the same thoughts as you about fics/continuing to write/the pub industry (which i really should give much more thought to, given that one of my degrees is in writing🧍‍♂️) and yeah no it DOES serve as a good incentive to build a portfolio (if anyone asked me for a portfolio, i would simply hand over my uni work bc i have nothing else rn LMAO) but tbh i think even if it is a hobby, it's a good way to kinda explore and set your ??? idk like foundations or whatever so you get an idea of what you wanna write about and if you actually wanna take it seriously (which isn't to say you aren't - we can 100% take hobbies seriously - just that different contexts/intents would call for different. things. wow i love words.)

and also related but unrelated, i think its fun/nice to. uh. idk how to say it but for us (as in literally you and me, but also other mutuals and people in fandom who made friends in the context of fandom) to see eachother write or talk about things outside of the uniting factor or common denominator or whatever? though yeah that does kinda potentially extend the relationship beyond what some people are comfy w. i'm kinda just rambling rn sorry AHHA

OH BUT BUT sorry back to the publishing/career thing. Even if you don't use the substack writings for like. writing/publishing careers, it can still help with other career things? like, you run a blog and hav experience writing about diverse topics, communicating ideas etcetc. so no losses 🤩

do not feel guilty about the chan fic 🙂‍↔️ yes i love/d it and i think about it and yes i would love to read more BUT im so happy to have just been eble to experience it at all. i hope you've never felt pressured by my responses to it KNVDSKJNVDSK sincerest of apologies if you have.

tbh i havent been up to much, i don't think. shits kinda hit the fan tbh but i'm hoping (always hoping) the only other place for the shit to go is down, now. (ie. i hope this is the part where things start getting easier etc). it is what it is, even if it shouldn't be, and we'll somehow get through it because. well, we have so far, right? BUT ANYWAYS

"anything you wanna yap about-" BOY do i have things to yap about. that book^^ i was so engrossed in? jesus CHRIST i sent my friend 10mins worth of voicemsgs JNCDKSNDSK (it may have been 10mins because i simply i can't articulate properly and kept repeating myself and going off on tangents.. but it probably would have been 10mins anyways if i'd planned and scripted it all before hand anyways. it was only 10mins because i got tired and realised i should probably see how much ive spammed 💀) ("kat... 10 whole minutes? 😭" babes thats not even the worst of it-)

i also like to 'yap' about the stuff i learn in class (my other degree/major is in media and cultural studies) and i just 🤩 have so much to say about some things that i find so so interesting but me talking as much as i do/want to is also just. i find it interesting and really wanna share and talk about it KJNVDSKJVNSK so like yeah, to bring this full circle, is why i've vaguely thought about using medium/substack,,, tbh i thought about just making a sideblog here AHAHA but i cant take myself on tumblr seriously LOL + 'fresh' start on new platform sounds neat mhm mhm but also hehehe (evil) maybe instead of spamming my friend about stuff, i can just write blog posts and she can read it whenever hMMMM thinking thinking,,,

anyways 🧍‍♂️sorry, i was expectin this to be long but it ended up longer than i thought it would HAHA wait no im rereading my ask/reply rn and substack just sounds great bc i can do informal reviews about things i've watched/read aswell AHHHH and yeah like just ??? more personal though explorations/'journaling' kinda vibes as well? HMMM AND and even mini writing pieces--- i literally do not have the time to be considering this rn but here i am wHOOPS okay i'll stop now before this gets even longer 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️

hi katttt, i'm so sorry for the late reply :'D apparently i'm in the phase of my life where i can only type out articulated replies on my laptop and not my phone, also week's been sooo hectic i hate being a corporate slave fml <3

lmfao not you tryna find my reply in your inbox sdjskd all's good tho hehe :3ooh medium is ... something, i couldn't really figure it out all that well and also the few times i've tried to read on medium, it's asked me to subsribe or sign up to continue to read? and i just don't ... vibe with that lol

yes yes, tryna write about real life stuff really makes me pause once in a while and just think (?) it through bc writing fiction is gen easier than trying to string together the raw ideas relating irl issues/stuff (for me at least). like it really makes me stop midway and rethink my choice of phrasing stuff or even putting forward an opinion thinking about how its gonna make people percieve me? well, not that its not sumn that doesn't apply to fiction as well bc i kinda think that the way one writes always just brings about some sort of perception of their character and personal views through their words, no matter how subtle ... am i making sense? but fictional writing just lets you cloak it into a 'what-if' situation where any judgement of your story/character(s) is not a direct discernment of your personal opinions whereas talking about irl stuff always comes with that concious load of having your opinions/thoughts being obligated to a verdict (positive/negative/both).

so anywayyy sjhdj, yes it's fun to just write and pursue as a hobby bc its fun communiatingideas and realise that it might not be all that irrelevant as you thought haha :>

and noooo, i absolutely love love LOVE reading yout tags on my fics, like i legit go back to my old writings and read the rb tags and it always makes me so happy :( i do want to continue writing fiction bc its always been a comfort to me to be able to weave stories my way, but i suppose everything has its own time to unfold and settle ... sometimes inspiration hits so bad but the will to write it out is just not there :/ but anyway ! i'm glad that you've enjoyed my writing so far <3

yeah, things don't don't need to work out all the time. i'm realising this the hard way, through adulting. really makes me wanna go back and give my younger self a good whooping on the ass to have ever wanted to grow up fast so desperately. but yeah, hope your shit works out man (✿◡‿◡)

lmaoooo no bc ! its so fun to just simply yap about stuff , that's like writing but ... verbally ,,, you could litch rally make a yap blog and i'd read it alllllll :3 also what book is this, drop the nameeeee :'D no but like i get you not being able to take tumblr seriously bc i was like ! i can't talk about this shit on tumblr ! tumblr's supposed to be for my clownery ! all the grownup stuff needs a different platform altogether sjsdksjd but if you ever consider making a blog, i think i'll read it fo the vibes itself. and the words ofc and opinions and stuff. like that's important too gaaaahhhhh what i'm saying is ,, i think you'd make a really amusing and entertaining blog - in a good way !!

anyway ! i think i needed a medium to unscramble the crap in my brain so the blog served well (even though it was an impulsive decision lol) but yeah ! go for it, you won't regret it. nobody really gaf's in the beginning, like readership is low babes, unless you have friends who will actively read your shit but that's a big comfort to me lololol. not sicouraging you in anyway, but its a point to consider if you're looking for a chill sesh with your own writing haha <3

[theic-manic]

(Helpol blog @divine-thievery)

Helluu!! Your consent post replying to that user talking about Lord Apollo was so eye-opening for me. I named myself a devotee to Lord Hermes because I felt it was the right thing to do.

I became a Hellenic Polytheist in april 2024 and he had actually been on my mind since 2020 (possibly earlier, im bad with dates and remembering) when I first saw him in lore Olympus, to my assumption it was on purpose that i took a liking to him straight away, when I asked if it were true he pleaded the fifth 😂, anyways, so that's why i named myself a devotee, so i will be apologising to Lord Hermes after sending this ask Because as you stated in the post I hadn't asked for consent.

And I would like to thank you for making that post it's really helped me. 🧡 also, I'm Australian, too 😂

Hey mate!

All good and I am glad you appreciate it, it only took me a few hours and asking both Apollo and Hermes nicely to assist.

From my observation, Hermes is certainly a great choice for beginners as he's quote friendly and doesn't quite have Apollo's BPD-coded RSD however Hermes isn't to be taken lightly either.

One notable example

He's a trickster deity and rather amoral at that because his roles simply can't be held back by traditional morals.

I'll note here that our modern morals also don't entirely align with the societal standards of the past, which is why extra care is needed with establishing boundaries and also judging their actions through a modern lense.

This is touched upon in a decent post about rape in Greek mythology

I will also add that Apollo and Hermes just ignored the concept of consent to create this Olympus-level Maury Povich paternity test eposode event of conceiving twins together to the same woman...

Personally, Hermes became my patron deity after appearing to me as other deities... since he does participate in so many domains it's real easy for him to perform jobs for other gods.

However I had, for about a year, lightly worshipped him and included him in my daily prayers so after a while he revealed to me that it had been him all along and not Hekate and Hades those times I thought they were working with me.

While I am glad that you enjoy his portrayal in Lore Olympus (though he especially likes his visual appearances in the Hades games) the webcomic doesn't totally align with mythology...

Admittedly, I've not read much of the comic yet since I am trying to focus on more traditional portrayals of my deities for now (Blood of Zeus is somewhat decent) I did find it very nice that both the author of LO and myself interpreted Melinoe to be deaf/non-verbal (based on some comic panels I came across on tumblr featuring her anyway).

That said, Melinoe was thought to be conceived by Zeus disguised as Hades, something I assume isn't covered in the comic(?)

I'm particularly mindful to consume minimal to no fictional content about deities when I first become acquainted with their energies as I don't want my interpretation of their character to taint how I perceive them.

Even then I only consume such media as devotional acts to deities I already have a firm relationship with, but I do see modern adaptations as a way to gauge whether I'm interested in researching the original lore in-depth.

Should you decide to become a devotee of Hermes then please remember to establish firm boundaries and I hope that you represent Hermes well as one of his many "smol ambassadors" (his term).

Thanks for the ask!

I wish you luck on your spiritual journey and may Hermes guide you to the right path.

[astros-turf]

So, just as an aside based on my last post that I probably will delete if it continues to go off the rails... If you think like this:

Then please consider a few things:

People come from a variety of educational backgrounds, and some people (like myself) were never taught *how* to research.

"Common knowledge" to you may not be common knowledge to others.

People who are actively asking for help in finding out *how* things work shouldn't be berated for simply asking questions.

If you don't think where you are seeing a question being asked is the right place, you are free to redirect them to the correct place to ask that question if you know of somewhere better, but insulting people doesn't help people learn.

I will say that again. INSULTING PEOPLE DOES NOT HELP THEM LEARN.

Plenty of very smart people are on tumblr, and while we may all be losers lmao, I have learned a lot of very important things on here from people that enjoy sharing their knowledge and sourcing their information. (Those are the kinda people I was looking for on my post because I am struggling to find them via tumblrs broken AF search lmao)

If the lovely person that commented that thinking I'm some idiot is reading this, my dear, I *have* researched the candidates. Im best friends with vote411.org and progressivevotersguide.com and I do my research and vote according to what I think is best at the time. However, that was not the point of the post.

The point of the post is that I am trying to find out: "is the correct option to vote for still Biden even tho I fucking hate how he's handling shit? What else can I do as a voter to help make the right changes? Is there any more I can do except for just voting for people who have similar values to me when an election comes up? Can I actually trust their campaign or is there a better resource out there?"

Because personally? I was homeschooled by abusive conservative Christians with a heavily bible influenced homeschool curriculum that my parents barely helped me with. I taught myself basically everything I know from researching shit myself and just googling stuff until it works. I still am not very good at math, my concept of sciences are fucked. I can read very well, but the comprehension of certain things still evades me just because I was not given proper building blocks to learn from and have no idea how to find beginner information for so many things.

I have tried many times to research how the presidental election system works, even wrote a 10 page paper on it in high school because I knew I didn't understand it and wanted to devote my time to learning it, but even then it was "corrected" by my parents that *also* don't know how the system works so they basically took whatever my 15 year old self wrote as fact so long as my punctuation was okay. I sorta can grasp it, but in a situation like our current one, what I am curious about is who the hell people like me are going to vote for. Because the way the electoral college works means we basically only have two options, even though on paper we are supposed to have numerous options.

Because my brain feels like there has to be a secret third option that I just don't know about because I'm not googling the right terms because I don't even know what to Google. And replies like the one I screenshot and shared above are EXACTLY the reason why most people don't ask questions. So I will say again,

If you want people to be informed on things you're already informed on, INSULTING PEOPLE DOES NOT MAKE THEM LEARN.

[wandering-doves]

16.04.2024

i asked a guy i've been interacting with on tumblr for like the last 8 months, if he wanted my number and boy do i regret it [but not for the reasons you may think]

so, as i mentioned we've been getting to know each other and messaging for like 8 months. i remember the first time he messaged me... it was completely random. he'd liked a couple of posts/reblogs and followed me before reaching out and sending a simple greeting. i was naturally very suspicious as it had been years since anyone had messaged me on tumblr and since it was so out of the blue, i was very cagey and cold. he persevered another 2 days before caging up himself when i asked for his name. then he dropped off for about a month. when he returned again, it was to apologise for clamming up. i told him not to worry as he was entitled to his privacy. and then he did something that really surprised me. he gave me his name and a little snippet of his story. he told me that he was feeling lonely and wanting to make friends and that he was going to try chatting to people on here again and sort of freaked out. i let him know that i understood, as i was also being cagey. once we both were on the same page, things were okay. we would checking in every now and then, ask basic getting to know you questions and chat about our day. i got more and more comfortable with the idea of him as a friend and opened myself up to him little by little. sometimes i would reach out to him and not receive a message back for months, bc he would take breaks from tumblr [i'm assuming for his mental health, which is understandable]. he would reply when he next came online and we would chat more. he ended up seeing what i looked like through my side blog and began complimenting me on my looks. occasionally, he would ask a sexual question and i would answer it as honestly as i could. [normally, i wouldn't tolerate that shit, but i was starting to like him.] his line of questioning got more personal as time went on and it felt like maybe we were connecting. so as the months progressed, naturally, i thought maybe i wasn't delusional and that he liked me for me [i sent him a full body pic and it was received relatively well, i think] so i thought that maybe he would be interested in continuing this outside of the confines of this website and decided to work up the courage to ask him if he wanted my number. this is where it goes wrong. he meets my question with a question and i start to think that this is already a bad start and maybe i misread the situation. am i wrong for thinking that a man who's called me pretty and cute and hot would want my number? am i? well apparently, because he never ended up saying yes. this felt as good as rejection and immediately the walls came up and i started being short with him. I even wrote "i'll take that as a no then" to which he replied some bullshit like "i twasn't a no at all" and all i could think was "yeah but it wasn't a yes either", which is as good as imo. he wanted an explanation for why i wanted this bc he always assumed he was bugging me [which btw is another thing i want to touch on. in the past, he has mentioned feeling like he bugs me quite often and i thought i'd been doing enough to let him know that that was simply not the case but ofc that was his reasoning this time too] and i explained that i liked talking to him and wanted to respect the time he takes off from tumblr bc ik it can be disruptive and it was met with an "im sorry if..." and that shit makes my blood boil so i havent responded back to him. it's been over 24 hours since he replied to me. i spent that afternoon absolutely bawling my eyes out. then i spent the evening upset too. i was having big feelings, for sure and couldn't deal with them. i feel maybe i was too harsh but he was too.

anyway, i've been listening to sad music and crying abt anything and everything lmao...

[thatcheeseycandle]

//rant? May have bits of ranting about being indecisive? Yeah basically a rant post.. (I just need to let this out my mind before I go very very "silly")

(A very very big note here that this isn't directed to anyone or is refering to any recent experiences, this is simply a thought/memory that popped into my head that I need to blow out)

When you usually ask someone a question, they can just like BAZINGA WE CAN DO THIS

If you ask something related to a topic that you have so much things to know about its like HEY HEY WE CAN DO THIS DO THAT OH MY GOD WE CAN DO ALL THAT TOO

but but if you ask someone like me you'll basically get a very long pause then the rest depends on what type of question ya ask

Example being that if you ask me something like HEYA BOO WHAT DO YOU THINK ON THIS MOVIE

And I couldve watched it a BAZINGALLION TIMES and then in the end right at that moment I'll have to pull up a google doc then just

Type out the possible questions I would want to ask, while coming up with said questions because I never bothered to ask a question this major..

SO YKNOW THERE ARE TEN STAGES TO THIS, FOR ME ATLEAST

FIRST STAGE IS EXCITEMENT LIKE HOLY GOSH MY GAD THIS IS A VERY GREAT OPPORTUNITY LIKE I CAN ASK ANYTHING

second stage is like.. Okay I need to be REAL smart on what I ask since this is a very important thing

Third stage is questioning, cause Im now talking to myself and I grab out anything big and squishy to hug while Im like my gosh MY GOSH I COULD MISS ALOT OF OPPORTUNITIES HERE AND I MIGHT NOT REALIZE IT WHEN I ASK THE QUESTION

Fourth stage is basically a brain breakdown where I get overwhelmed with all these thoughts while trying to force out any questions I can write down, but I cant since.. I DONT KNOW WHY I JUST I CANT FOR SOME REASON??

fifth stage is cooldown zone where I just try to focus myself on one thing for a bit then once Im all calmed and cooled I'll go back to what I was doing being the question

Sixth stage is basically writing down the ideas while having either Rabbitology or Cosmo Sheldrake songs playing in my headsets

(their songs are so GROOOVTVYVYVYYYVY)

Seventh stage is the womp womp era where I feel like a wetcat and I either ask some friends on what to do or I zone off into the void where I think real deep which causes the process to be longer

Eight stage is the redemption arc where I pull a "three, two, AND A ONE-" timer as I drop out the question to the person who asked the question after I said one

Ninth stage is the aftermath where its either a disco disaster where I blast Crane Wives live song covers or a fluff moment where I feel an equal amount of confidence and tranquility as I read what they reply to my answer yknow feeling an acceptance

Tenth stage is where I either go back to my heck of a mind with daydreams and ideas for the randomest of things or I continue some WIP projects I have in google docs

(cause dios the amount of unfinished projects I can count is very impressive yet worrying)

BUT ANYWAYS ILL JUST KEEP WRITING AND WRITING AND CREATING AND SCREENSHOTTING AND COMBINING YEAHH

Oh and and, light switches and cracking your knuckles are absolutely the greatest clicky sounds to my ears.

[fatinsharbini]

BLACK KURUNG

Salam and Hello 2023!

Too bad I didn't have time to write a recap for 2022. There are a few most significant and remarkable events happened in 2022 that I really wanted to write on you, ES. But I didn't. It's just that I can hardly find time to crack ideas in writing. As usual, calmness is the power in writing and for me, I always find it calm when it is raining. I will play my Spotify playlist and make a cup of hot drink especially coffee because there is something special about rain and coffee that makes me feel productive and blossoming. 🌸

You know what, it is raining heavily in my area now and I switch on my laptop despite taking shower this morning because I thought this is the time. This is the special moment that I can hardly find nowadays. A calm rainy morning with my galau playlist. I got a significant event that I really wanted to mark in this entry because this topic is ONE of the important and emotional issues that I always highlighted in my previous entries.

As we can see from the top image, I wore a black kurung and black heels and this is a random picture that I took before my interview session in October 2021. I dunno why but wearing black outfits when you go for an interview session is my thing. I feel more confident and confidence is a key to bring out the best version of you during interview session lahhh for me. This is my second black kurung and it was bought by M. Thank you sayang. And the heels was given by my colleague Jenny, and yeah I gave her RM1 (hahaha) for that because according to chinese belief, shoes are a bad idea for present because the word sounds exactly like a word for bad luck. So I need to gave her something to make it doesn't look like a present lah. Thanks J because she gave me the heels at the right time when I need it most (save money to buy black shoes because I don't have any).

Enough with explaining. The highlight of this entry is actually not about the outfits but my career. The one thing that I had been struggled with since after I graduated. I know for sure how many times did I ever felt down whenever people comment and asking me about my work. As if everyone in the world are doing their best except me myself. I always feel like the biggest failure in my family and amongst the rest of people living in this world. Some people are so judgmental and they didn't even try to put themselves in my shoes to understand how I have endured and struggled with low self esteem for years because of this kinda thing. It's just feel horrible for me to met these kind of people who could not think further and simply talk like they're the only successful people in the small unfamous village.

If only people can get over their show-off-ness and mind their own language. It took me few years to really get over the reality that all jobs are wonderful. All jobs are unique and priceless because we learn and we earn at the same time. The amount of our salary may varies but we didn't work for nothing and free. And if it's enough to cover our expenses then it is okay. It is really OKAY. I dunno why some people are very skeptical when I tell them I am doing okay and my job is fine.

Every time I meet these kind of people I will need to convince them that I have put much efforts into looking for a better job. And I have never failed at trying to find it. But some people will look at you as if you're just waiting for 'the moon to fall into one's lap'. I met some and it's kind of pathetic when I am trying to fake a response to those statements. I feel horrible by saying "Yes, I've done it many times. I'll try again next time", when inside my mind I would just like to reply them with "Yes, I've done it too many times and please mind your language because you dunno how difficult it was to pat my own shoulder whenever I failed into landing a job that I went for interviews". It’s saddening to see myself faking a response whenever I met those people. To be exact, those makciks. Hmm.

Back to the above image, this was the last and latest interview session that I attended to before I went thru a hopeless way in getting a nice job. I went thru many stages from online test to another online test to assessment and lastly the interview session itself. I told myself that I have a very slim chance to get it because I’m a nobody compared to the others during the iv session. Month after month after many months I waited for the result, it is always frustrating to believe that I am actually still hopeful on it. I gave up and feel hopeless many times. I was supposed to move on after many months of waiting but deep inside I still feel a little bit of hope because I really want to land for a new job instead of staying at the same office for another few years. It's just that maybe now is a high time for me to step out from the same place to a better environment for my mental health and happiness.

But who knows, one more month to make my waiting a year, I suddenly receive a call from a land line which I think just another person after person that will be asking me about work. After I took that call, I was kind of speechless, happy, blur and dilemma all muddled into one thing that we call a MIXED FEELINGS. I was told by the caller that I got a job offer from the interview session last year. But the sad thing about it is, the offer is not for Kuching office but Sibu office instead. I am still grateful for the call but what makes me dilemma is that the placement.

Alhamdulillah for the rizq. The concept is so beautiful. Everything that we get and eat unconsciously all this while are all written starting from where it starts until it was in our hands. It was always meant to be yours. I believe He gave us the rizq and chances all at the very right time. And this is the right time for me to land a new job.

So this is it. The end of my misery in career. The story might be different from what I thought it would be but just let the time flows and let me enjoy the moment. Happy Ramadhan!

[weirdmageddon]

five years too late let’s analyze this. the commentary has gotten me back into gravity falls reigniting thoughts and insights i came to years ago

i love everything about this commentary in general it hits the points of humor, genuine analysis of the characters, but most of all im so glad hirsch addressed that the droid not detecting any fear from dipper here doesnt make any scientific sense because that was a massive CinemaSins moment for me

IDK the fact that dipper can fucking stand after an airship crash because theres a bigger threat at hand is literally one of the defining capabilities owed to adrenaline lol...... IM SORRY im a biopsychology student if i dont point that out iwill seethe and die because that was just . its a grudge ive held for a long time about this episode but didnt rant about because it was something so minor and i’m sure nobody would care.

i was 13 when this episode came out and i’m almost 19 now, i had a special interest in biology and i still do but now i’m actually having college classes in biopsychology so i can give my arguments more oomph now. and i have to say, now that i know more about the brain and autonomic nervous system the more this scene bugs me, if that was even possible. and it says a lot of dipper and ford’s relationship.

if dipper clearly wasnt calm before, why would he be now just because he’s put up an outwardly confident facade? before he was in the flight but now hes in the fight. my boy just rode on top of a spaceship by nothing but a magnet gun that could detach at any time if it failed and then the ship crashed, he sustained injuries, is in emotional turmoil because he thinks his uncle is Fucking Dead and the threat of a security droid that detects adrenaline is on his tail and produces a Big Fucking Gun in response to dipper saying “i hAvE a MaGNeT gUn” and hes screaming and has his teeth clenched but sure there’s no adrenaline coursing through his body in that moment i can totally believe that

when dipper asks what happened, ford says “the orb didn’t detect any chemical signs of fear, it assumed the threat was neutralized and self-disassembled” but i don’t think measuring someone’s heartbeat alone is particularly relevant in detecting ... chemical signs of fear?? they dont really tell you this shit but noradrenaline (and maybe adrenaline too if the acetylcholine from sympathetic outflow always activates the adrenal medulla??, theres two pathways) is always active in small quantities to make sure your parasympathetic nervous system doesnt slow your heart to dangerous levels on its own, regardless of your emotions. it’s just a homeostatic mechanism. your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems are CONSTANTLY modulating control of your organs on a see-saw, literally with every breath you take. simply standing upright causes specialized mechanoreceptor neurons in blood vessels to signal your brain to project signals to release catecholamines via the sympathetic nervous system to constrict your blood vessels so that blood is able to reach your brain and not pool in your legs. i have a deficiency in my body’s ability to adapt to this which is why i know so much about it. if i stand up my heart races to compensate. i’m not feeling fear, my body is just adjusting—albeit grossly and incompetently lol.

but what im saying here is that the security system is flawed. it’s a cool idea to have security droids detect fear, but in practice by detecting adrenaline, and not even directly by detecting the molecule itself—it’s done in a roundabout way by reading the heartbeat, could be a recipe for false alarms. like what if someone’s on beta-blockers. that’s not really an adequate way to measure “fear”; there’s so many variables that could interfere with the measurement the farther you abstract from what you’re really trying to detect. and besides, adrenaline is NOT just a sign of fear, it’s just for preparing the body for action. i know the sympathetic nervous system and adrenaline is constantly linked with the “fight-or-flight” reaponse to a stressor, but 99.9% of the time the sympathetic nervous system is used in your life is to balance out your parasympathetic nervous system to maintain homeostatic equilibrium for mundane things.

i think detecting amygdalar activation would be more efficient in detecting fear. the amygdala sends projections to the hypothalamus which then in turn modulates the autonomic nervous systems. but the amygdala is intensely activated specifically in response to a fear-inducing stimulus (it does activate in response to other emotions but they’re mostly negative and is most activated by startle and fear), and wouldnt be highly activated by many other confounding variables like measurement of the heartbeat could be. the amygala is one of the first stops directly from external stimuli.

to show you how integrated the amygdala is as the first step in registering fear after receiving input from sensory stimuli let’s look at the auditory-amygdala connection for example

see how the auditory thalamus projects to the primary auditory cortex and auditory association cortex? the cortex is where conscious awareness of what the stimuli is comes from. this is the “high road”. it goes sensing -> perception -> emotional response. but sometimes you can be startled without even processing what it is you’re sensing, like the startle response of an alarm or a phone ringing in a quiet house before you even register what it is. this goes sensing -> emotional response, without perception happening until after you’ve already felt the startle. that’s when it takes the “low road”. here’s a simplified version:

even if that were the case with these droids though it’s obvious dipper is still fearful on some level here. his body language, voice, expressions all give it away. for the amygdala, aggression isnt too off from fear so it would be detected equally.

the reason this is so important is because ford uses this as evidence for why dipper is special, “i did it?” “you did it. this is what i was talking about, how many 12 year olds do you think are capable of doing what you’ve just done?”

but like....did he really? i’m not saying this to shoot dipper down or make him out to be more of a wuss, he was incredibly strong-willed here and i dont want to take that away from him because it WAS growth on his part. but the underlying psychophysiological reactions of aggression and fear shouldn’t be that different and this was a total asspull. maybe the droid was so old that it fucked up. maybe dipper being covered in grime and dirt made it harder for the droid to measure the correct heart rate through photoplethysmography (im assuming since they use a camera and are non-contact).

and in all honesty everything i just said brings into question the interpersonal healthiness of ford’s judgements, what he thinks, his expectations, and how he communicates that. in this video alex already talks about how ford is projecting onto dipper. and i think ford may be projecting his expectations for himself onto people who are not him, and the fact that it’s on dipper here makes it far more unfortunate. you realize how much this boy idolizes ford, right? how much impressions matter? dipper even tells himself before he leaves in this same episode, “all right dipper, this is your first big mission with great uncle ford. don’t mess this up.”

even though it’s unstated, the implicit message dipper is perceiving from ford based on their dynamic is: “do you have what it takes for me to be proud of you?” and to accomplish this he must be like ford, even though he’s clearly not and he knows this. he says “i don’t think have what it takes. i was tricked by bill, i was wrong about stan’s portal, heck, i can’t even operate this magnet gun right.” then, by simple chance without even knowing what he did, he activates the magnet gun and pulls out the adhesive, which immediately takes the focus away from what dipper was telling ford about his feelings of inadequacy to ford saying, “yes! dipper, you found the adhesive!”

these thoughts of dipper’s hang in the air without resolve or comment from ford. we don’t know what ford would have said. but it then becomes painfully self-evident in the scene immediately after when the droids emerge and ford tells dipper, “they’re security droids and they detect adrenaline. you simply have to not feel any fear and they won’t see you”, to which dipper replies with an exasperated (and rightful) “WHAT?”

dipper goes in a panic trying to indirectly tell his uncle that this isn’t something he can do. and he is completely right and valid to be freaked out by that full stop. that IS crazy. you can’t control your fear. you can control how you interpret that fear in your higher brain regions but the physiological changes will stick around for longer than it takes to cognitively calm down. it’s easy for me to detach from my emotions to analyze them, but being able to do this does not come naturally for everyone. even i have an irrational fear of wasps and i can’t control it by detaching myself, my body is just automatically primed to get the fuck out of there. i know it’s stupid and i know it’s irrational and isn’t helpful to get myself worked up but i literally can’t stop how my body reacts no matter how i cognitively think about it. expecting composure from dipper in a situation like this when he’s being made to consciously be aware of his anxiety is absolutely fucking insane. look what you did, placing these cruel expectations on him, now he’s afraid of being afraid! this isn’t a case where two wrongs cancel out, they just stack on top of each other.

there’s a good reason these scenes were put side by side but it seems up until now it had remained unanalyzed.

what dipper fears from ford is disappointment. not living up to his uncle’s (quite frankly badly placed) expectations for a twelve year old with anxiety. not once did ford say or subliminally communicate “i don’t expect you to be able to do what i can since you are not as experienced as i am and that’s perfectly okay, no judgements”. you don’t put a child on bike before training wheels. you don’t throw a kid into a swimming pool without giving them swimming lessons. the way ford is doing it, there’s no room for trial and error or mistakes that are an opportunity to grow and learn; instead, it’s life or death. he only seems to pride dipper on what he can do while ignoring the underlying struggles that plague him and never making it known it’s okay for dipper to fail in front of his hero and that he won’t think anything less of him for it.

and that’s why i found the ending scene for dipper and ford’s adventure in this episode to feel so.. wrong. on a scientific and social level. because by the sound of it ford focused more on what dipper had done to dismantle the droid (the droid not detecting any fear) instead of how dipper displayed love and protection for him even if he was truly afraid. what if the science was accurate and the droid detected adrenaline while dipper was confidently standing up for his uncle. would ford still be proud of him regardless?

[yoonpobs]

bad boy good thing viii.

pairing: jeon jungkook x oc

genre: angst, smut, fluff, miscommunication (we hate her lol), pining

warnings: smut, jungkook is really an asshole, the angst hurts a lot tbh, unhealthy relationships (?)

words: 1, 964

summary: a series of drabbles where you're confused and jungkook's confusing

“I can’t believe this!” Jeonghan puffs while he drops his belongings loudly onto the table in the study lounge, causing a few other students to turn and glare.

“Would it kill you to be quiet?” Jungkook grumbles, picking at the edge of the paper of his textbook, eyes never straying away from the content of the page.

“No. I will not be quiet because I thought football bros were bros for life!” Jeonghan whines.

Jungkook raises an eyebrow. “You know that’s kind of concerning when you put it that way.”

Jeonghan simply waves the other boy off before he leans forward as if he has something important he has to say. Jungkook knew him well enough to know that it would either waste Jungkook’s precious study time or be something so out of the ordinary that he can’t help but be intrigued.

Jungkook shrugged and takes the chance, anyway.

“Namjoon bailed.” He deadpans. “Again!”

Jungkook stiffens ever so slightly but feigns disinterest with a noncommittal hum.

“Really.”

Jeonghan nods his head, or shook his head—it was hard to tell because he was all over the place and he seemed more displeased than anything.

“I never thought we’d lose our own captain to a girl.” He sniffs.

Jungkook sighs, already done with the conversation because somehow no one can ever mention Namjoon without mentioning you now, apparently because the two of you were hanging out much more frequently. He’s bitter. And he’s confused—because he’s attempted patching things up with you but you only would ever reply to him with curt responses than the enthusiastic ones you used to flatter him with.

JK: hey. there’s a new cafe outside of campus. U wanna go?

Smarty Pants 🐰: Im busy. Next time? :)

JK: are u free tonight?

JK: im heading to the library later. wanna meet up for some ramen first? On me!!!

Smarty Pants 🐰: sorry jungkook, meeting w administrators for pastoral care matters

Smarty Pants 🐰: Do you need help with the content?

JK: oh… it’s fine, just wanted to hang out with you. We haven’t done that in a while

JK: jimin said u finally have some free time next week? Let’s catch up! i’ll treat u to some banana bread :D

Smarty Pants 🐰: i have plans with joon. which day were you thinking?

JK: Anytime. When are you meeting hyung?

Smarty Pants 🐰: we kind of have plans every day, here and there. could I get back to you?

And that was it. The blow that Jungkook knew he deserved but couldn’t deal with. You had tried your best to avoid any personal interaction with Jungkook and he didn’t know what the fuck to do.

“They’re kind of perfect for each other, don’t you think?” Jeonghan interrupts Jungkook’s sour mood when he recalls all his failed attempts at trying to meet with you personally.

Jungkook blinks then furrowed his eyebrows.

“Who?”

Jeonghan rolls his eyes. “Joon and your friend _____.” He knocks on the table. “Bunch of nerds together.” He adds with a snicker.

Jungkook stiffens, hands clutching his textbook tighter.

“You say that like there’s something wrong with being a nerd.” He says slowly.

“There isn’t. Really.” Jeonghan defends. “It’s just so … fitting. Captain of the football team who’s lowkey a softie and an art nerd with the overachiever on campus. Their IQ’s combined are probably in the 300 range.”

Jungkook scowls.

“Haven’t you heard of the phrase ‘opposites attract’?” Jungkook asks sourly.

Jeonghan scoffs. “Yeah. Like you actually believe in that cliche phrase. Come on—we all know you’re likely to end up with someone who’s more like you than different.”

The insinuation doesn’t sit well with Jungkook, but he can’t chew Jeonghan out for it anyway. He didn’t know the nature of your friendship with him, nor was he aware of the history the two of you shared.

“Never say never.” Jungkook shrugs.

Jeonghan rolls his eyes before taking out his laptop and settling into a comfortable position.

“I think he’s going to ask her to be his girlfriend soon.” He says off-handedly as if he assumed Jungkook gave a shit.

He did, and his heart drops to his stomach.

“Hey,” Jungkook calls out when he spots you slip past him at the foyer outside the humanities building.

You twirl around at the sound of your name being called, and your eyes widen when you spot Jungkook walking towards you with furrowed brows.

“J-Jungkook?”

Why you sounded so scared to see him, he wasn’t sure. But he knows that he’s frustrated because it’s the first time he’s seen you after the game where you and Namjoon left to hang out at the exhibition, despite his desperate attempts at calling you out to hang out with him.

“You’ve been avoiding me.” Jungkook frowns, cutting straight to the chase.

You splutter for a response, and you realise that you’re basically gaping at him when you clutch your folders tighter to your chest.

“I’ve been busy, Jungkook. I told you this.” You softly remind him.

Jungkook scoffs, and he feels his mean bone grow; feeling the need to correct you because you were smart—and both of you knew that your excuse was lame.

“Really?” He says dryly. “Too busy to hang out with me but not with Namjoon?” He can’t help how bitter he sounds, especially when he’s heard from the rest of the football members; including Jimin and Taehyung that you were spending a suspicious amount of time with the captain.

You furrow your brows at him when Jungkook stares you down, waiting for a response.

“That doesn’t change the fact I was busy.” You huff.

Jungkook frowns at you, clutching his backpack tighter with his hand as he notices the way you avoid his eyes by dropping them to the ground.

“Why are you being like this?” Jungkook accuses, tone already on the offensive.

You gape up at the boy, brows scrunched in displeasure.

“Me? I’m not being anything. I told you that I was busy and we would rain check, didn’t I?”

Jungkook tongues the inside of his cheek, frustration pooling in his stomach. “Somehow you’re only busy whenever I want to hang out, right?” He scoffs sarcastically. “I thought we were good.”

You stiffen, knuckles turning white when you grip your belongings harder.

“We are.” You say curtly.

“No, we’re not.” Jungkook retorts. “If we were then you wouldn’t need to find shitty excuses to get out of hanging out with me.”

You open your mouth, then close it. You feel yourself grow more exasperated with Jungkook the more he can’t realise the fact that you were still finding a way to navigate the throes of your relationship with him.

“They were not shitty excuses.” You snap. “Listen, we can meet tomorrow for coffee if you really—”

“That’s not what this is about!” Jungkook exasperates, breathing out in a huff.

You purse your lips. “Then what is it, Jungkook? You came up to me and started accusing me of lying to you because I couldn’t meet up at the times you proposed.”

Jungkook clenches his jaw when he notices the way your voice gets increasingly sterner when you talk to him. It only reminds him of the way you used to chastise him when he was younger when he’d do something that was ‘immature’ but standard for a teenaged boy.

“I apologised!” He cries. “I’m sorry I was a dick before this but I’m really trying to fix things between us but you’re—”

“I’m what, Jungkook?” You interject with a frown. “I’m doing my best at healing?” You add softly. “An apology won’t erase what happened.”

Jungkook feels himself deflate, especially at the way your eyes dart away when he attempts to look into them.

“I know it won’t but I just want things to go back to normal.” He sighs.

You screw your eyes shut, finding the words to say before you look at him with such sad eyes that he nearly pulls you close just to comfort you so that he wouldn’t have to acknowledge the fact that it was his fault.

“It’s not that easy.” You whisper, gripping at the hem of your sleeves. “It may be for you but it’s not the same for me.”

Jungkook releases a sigh so loud that your eyes widen, as he attempts to think of something better to say—to offer.

“I really am sorry.” He lamely apologises, his voice sounding a lot like a scolded child.

“I know.” You nod. “But you don’t know how it feels to have …” You swallow. “Whatever. We’re good. I just need time, Jungkook.”

Jungkook furrows his brows when you turn away to stalk off, but he grabs at your elbow to turn your body to face him. Your eyes briefly make contact with the way he’s gently holding onto you before they tilt up to meet his confused gaze.

“How it feels to have what?” He pries.

You sigh, shaking off his grip. “Look. It doesn’t matter. I’m being sensitive.” You deprecate immediately.

Jungkook doesn’t miss the spite in your tone, especially when you say it so firmly and seriously when you dismiss him.

“I want to fix this—us.” He pleads desperately. “Why can’t you just be honest with me?”

As if his words set you off, your eyes snap up and blaze with the pent up fury and anger you’ve been suppressing the entire time.

“Me? Be honest with you?” You scoff. “Real fucking funny. Because when I was honest with you, you turned it on me and took advantage of my vulnerability.”

Jungkook’s eyes widen. “What—?”

“You want honest?” You fume. “Fine. I’ll give you honest but you better listen closely this time because I won’t be repeating myself again.” You poke into his chest, even if it’s fierce and stern, he feels the heartache pouring through. “You were my best friend, Jungkook. You were and are someone important to me and you fucked me over because you knew I couldn’t say no to you. You knew how I felt and you took advantage of that fact just so you could get what you wanted and go.”

Jungkook furrows his eyebrows, confused at the information you were throwing at him.

“How you felt—?”

You cut him off again with a huff. “Don’t pretend like you didn’t know. Why else did you think I did all the shit you wanted?”

“I-I don’t understand.” Jungkook stutters, head caught in a loop when you glare at him harder.

“You knew every bit of insecurity that I had and you weaponised that against me just so you could keep me close.” You say softly. “You knew, either way, I would’ve stayed because I’ve always been there, Jungkook.”

“You’re confusing me.” He deadpans, grabbing onto your shoulders so you were forced to stare at him.

He notices the glistening of your eyes as he feels his heart constrict when he realises you’re trying your best to keep your tears at bay.

“Well, you did it first so it’s only fair.” You sniffle. “You can act like shits fine because you weren’t the one who was attached. I was. So just let me have this time to myself to figure things out because I can’t even be around you without being sad, Jungkook.” You whimper.

He calls for your name but you're already furiously rubbing at your eyes as you curse under your breath as you spin on your heels to hurry away.

Jungkook gapes at you as he attempts to process what you just said, but before he can get another word in—you're leaving him to feel the weight of your words in the footsteps that draw further and further away.