#some implied colloyd

[baronaliswritingcorner]

Tales of Symphonia Stray Thoughts #7: Pre-Tower of Salvation

Right, so, after leaving the Tower of Mana... -ever notice how the party just ends up at Lake Umacy somehow

-actually how did all those trees/logs fall into the lake anyway

-"Wow! So there are still unicorns left on this side!"

...are they a frequent sight in Tethe'alla or something?

-The "Lloyd's Bad Habit" skit highlights one of those weird mean-spirited quirks I've discussed before; in this case, Lloyd getting bored with everything. I could buy an argument that it's meant to emphasize Lloyd's unpreparedness for the rigors of a world-saving journey (the post-Water Seal skit between Lloyd/Kratos -- wherein the latter reminds Lloyd of the task he willingly signed up for -- makes a great advocate here), but the "comedy" never lands and it just comes across as overly cynical. (Especially in silent dialogue, where stiff language abounds) Thankfully, it only really plagues the first act, but Symphonia (or Tales, really) has a weird knack for character traits that're there just to check boxes and this one's easily my least favorite.

-you think sheena snuggles with corrine every night. imagine

-What's up with how the Undine cutscenes bookend with non-voiced dialogue? This game's priorities, man.

-"Mithos is a common boy's name. It's not necessarily Mithos the Hero."

Undine and Kratos: 😬

-Man, Fighting of the Spirit is such a badass boss theme, huh? It originally hails from Tales of Phantasia, right? I'd like to know the context behind that...

-Undine, being attacked : EH UH UH UH EH UH UH UH UH UH EH UH UH UH

man I am sure am glad there's no one in the room right now

-"Right now, at this very moment, there are people who are suffering. I vow to save those people."

Undine: lol bitch I saw what you did with the Giant Kharlan Tree. Pact annulsted

-Raine: Kratos, you have an impressive display of knowledge.

Kratos: I had an acquaintance who knew a bit about Summon Spirits, that's all.

Raine: 🤔

-Sheena: ...although...I hated being a summoner.

Lloyd: Really?

*skit ends*

AWKWAAAAAAARRRRD

-Only "pure maidens" can approach the unicorn -- combined with Raine's "because I'm an adult" reasoning, some have taken this to mean she's not a virgin. Personally, I always thought that was just an excuse not to get near the water, but it's an interesting theory.

-...so the Unicorn Horn can just up and restore Colette back to normal? Geez, girl, think of yourself for once!

-Kratos called the Mana Cannon "Thor's Hammer" -- had history distorted the name? Actually, now I wonder how often it used back then. Must've been brutal.

-They're very few and far between, but I LOVE these moments where the party takes a moment to decompress and takes the opportunity to bounce off Lloyd as they face whatever comes next. The apprehension involved reveals them at their most intimate and the party really comes together in these scenes.

-"Tethe'alla's chosen. I can't stand that guy."

13-year old me wondered if we'd ever meet him. Little did I know...

-"I want to kick her for doing this."

Sacrilege! -"Clinging to the Chosen?"

You know he's right, Lloyd. Even Kratos can see the Colloyd. Embrace it.

-"But hey, if I make a mistake, I can just do it over again, right?"

Oof. -The Colloyd scene!!! 🥹🥹🥹

The debut of "No matter what happens to you, you're still you"! Her little smile at Lloyd's gentle "*I won't ever think you're weird. Ever"! The implied tragedy of "I'll wait forever"! The gradual despair of "Oh, that's right, you can't feel it..."! Pure, undiluted Colloyd!! The trust and concern they share remains unparalleled!! It's just the sweetest thing AAAAHHH!!!!

Lloyd's ultimately still in the dark over the true nature of the World Regeneration, but as the gears have begun to churn since Colette's confession, the seeds of his ideology have well begun to sprout by this point. "Damn, isn't there anything we can do?!", he asks -- knowing that Sylvarant's well-being shouldn't depend on one girl sacrificing her humanity. An age-old question -- should prosperity come at the cost of sacrificing the few? Lloyd, in all his infectious idealism, shatters that false ideal and makes the impossible possible. But you knew that.

There's a whole essay in how Colette romanticizes her ultimate fate --like how she's lying to herself as much as she's lying to others. Maybe there's some family history at play -- could Phaidra have done the same with her sister? Dark stuff, that ol' religious trauma.

(...actually, speaking of "even if you become like Marble, can you imagine the visual of Colette turning into an Exbeula and Lloyd just treating her like normal? Imagine -- her rage tempers at the sight of recognizing Lloyd and she just lives life as is. Be it a tragic beauty or absurdist/wholesome hiijinks, there's a whole fic there!)

-Dose sleeping poses in the inn. Oh my god -- I never stopped to notice. Look at how Lloyd's just sprawed out on that mat! Raine and Genis are sleeping on the floor! What kinda hotel service is this?!? They should've complained.

-One of the rare scenes where Noishe is voiced!

-"I imagine it's that assassin."

...okay, Kratos, we gleaned that, but who? Translation flub, or...?

-Yuan's ring is relevant! ...for like one line of dialogue. Mmkay. Much to say about that sidequest later. The first act ends soon!!! Finally, it's here where Symphonia really comes into its own.

[july13th2004]

The Unexpected Dog (Protozoan) Father

Characters/Relationships: Kratos Aurion, Anna Irving, Kratos/Anna, Kranna, Lloyd Irving, Colette Brunel, Lloyd/Colette, Colloyd, Noishe, Noishe/Two Stray Female Dogs, Lloyd Irving & Kratos Aurion, Lloyd Irving & Anna Irving, Colette Brunel & Anna Irving

Genre: Family/Fluff/Romance

Rating: T

Warnings: Implied/Referenced Smut

Word Count: 2998

Mirror Link: AO3 | Pixiv

Summary: A few months after Kratos and Anna settle in Luin, the couple, along with Lloyd and Colette, who are now engaged and in town visiting the older couple, discover a pile of puppies surrounding Noishe. And some seem to have an uncanny resemblance to the loyal protozoan. Could Noishe possibly be the father of this pile of puppies? And if so, just what are the two couples going to do about this unexpected development?

Author's Note: So, this one was inspired by this art by @majigomen-beam and also by some tags attached in a reblog of said art by @alexiealducsdrawings! I had a lot of fun writing this one, and it gave me something new to explore and expand upon in this AU! I did take some creative liberty with the breed of the puppies in this fic, so it's not exactly like what you see in the fanart. Anyway, I hope some of you enjoy reading this one as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Anna heard Colette squeal in delight from where she currently stood in the kitchen preparing lunch. Curious as to why her son's fiancee made such a noise, she took the pan with the four portions of hamburger steak from off the heat of the stove, then turned off the stove and quickly made her way outside. When she arrived, she found Lloyd and Colette standing just a few feet away from her husband, who was lying partially on the ground surrounded by and beneath a total of eleven puppies in a variety of colors. Noishe, the dog-like protozoan and loyal family pet, was curled up on the ground and propping up the upper half of Kratos' body, resting his head on his crossed front paws on her husband's left thigh. She watched bemusedly at the look of resignation on his face. He let out a sigh and laid his head against Noishe's furry torso while one of the puppies crawled onto his right forearm and buried themselves into the crook of his elbow.

               "Oh, they are all just so cute!" Colette exclaimed, clasping her hands together and turning her head to look at her fiance, "And it looks like they might be Shiba Inu puppies, Lloyd!"

               "Yeah, and some of them even look like Noishe." Lloyd mentioned as he wrapped his arm around his fiancee and pointed at a few of the puppies that were crawling all over his father, "See, Colette?"

               Anna took a closer look at the pile of puppies that were splayed out across her husband and their family pet. All but four of the eleven puppies had the same trademark pointed ears of the Shiba Inu breed. She also noted the coat colors on each of the puppies' fur. There were two of each coat color, red, cream, sesame, and black and tan, while the other three were similar to Noishe's coat color, in various shades of green. The four puppies that didn't have pointed ears had wide, large ears shaped just like Noishe's. It wasn't difficult to figure out upon closer inspection that Noishe happened to be the father of this pile of puppies.

               Colette gasped, bringing Anna out of her thoughts as she shifted her gaze from the puppies to the look of realization on her son's fiancee's face.

               "You're right, Lloyd! But that means-"

               "Yeah, guess that means Noishe is a dad now…" Lloyd said, nervously scratching the back of his head with his free hand as he smiled at Colette.

               "I wonder how that happened…" Anna muttered and sighed as she shifted her gaze back to her husband and the puppies.

               Kratos turned his head at the sound of his wife's voice, then moved his body ever so slightly into a more comfortable position. Fortunately for him, all eleven puppies were sound asleep, including the one cream colored puppy he cradled in his right arm, and the slight shifting of his body didn't appear to disturb them.

               "I'm sorry, my dear. It is my fault that this happened." He said after letting out a sigh.

               "What do you mean, Kratos?" Anna asked with a puzzled look on her face.

               "When we moved here four months ago, I let Noishe sleep outside in our front yard instead of our fenced in backyard. I can only guess that sometime in the night he must have found a couple of stray female dogs to… you know…" Kratos replied, now wearing a flushed look on his face.

               She gave her husband a knowing smile, then a moment of realization washed over her and she gasped, "Wait, two female dogs? …Colette, do you know how many puppies are in a litter for this particular breed?"

               Colette turned her head to look at her future mother in law with a sheepish look on her face, and replied, "Um, I think five or six at most?"

               "The puppies are also about two months old, my dear." Kratos interjected as he gave his wife a small smile.

               "Oh yes, that's right!" Colette stated excitedly, glancing between her fiance's parents, "It looks like these adorable puppies are about two months old, which means they're old enough to be adopted out to anyone who wants one in town!"

               "Yeah," Lloyd said as he looked between his fiancee and his mom, "and we'd be happy to adopt at least two of the puppies before we head back to Iselia in a few days."

               Kratos shifted his gaze from Anna to his son, "I have no objections to that, and I'm sure your mother doesn't, either. Right, my dear?"

               He glanced back over at his wife, and briefly gave her an expectant look.

               "I'm more than fine with that," Anna answered as she glanced between her husband and son, "Then I guess that means the other nine puppies will be put up for adoption?"

               "Actually, my dear," Kratos started hesitantly, "I was hoping that we could keep two of the puppies as well…"

               Anna sighed and gave her husband another knowing smile, "That's something we'll have to discuss tonight after dinner then, honey. And speaking of food, lunch is ready so let's head inside and eat!"

               "Oh, what are we having for lunch, mom?" Lloyd asked, taking Colette's hand in his.

               "Hamburger steak!" Anna happily replied to her son, already at the front door of the house, "Now hurry up you three, the food's probably cold by now! I may have to reheat it."

               "All right, one of my favorites!" Lloyd exclaimed as he gave Colette's hand a squeeze, "Let's go, Colette!"

               Lloyd and Colette followed after her into the house and into the dining room to sit down for lunch. Kratos didn't arrive at the dining room table until sometime later, as standing up from his current position proved to be quite difficult without waking up most of the sleeping puppies. He had developed a particular fondness for the cream colored puppy he had cradled in his arms and the red colored puppy that fell asleep on his shoulder in the time he spent with Noishe and his puppies; so there would be much to discuss with his wife after dinner regarding which two puppies they should keep. The two couples merrily ate their lunch, with Anna, Lloyd and Colette joining forces to gently tease Kratos for his tardiness, causing the rather stoic man to become flustered in embarrassment. After they were done with their meals and put their dirty dishes back into the kitchen sink, the four went back outside to the front yard to round up all eleven puppies and place them inside Kratos and Anna's guest bedroom.

               "Mom, are you sure about keeping the puppies in here?" Lloyd asked as he set down the last of the eleven puppies onto an enormous dog bed that filled the space between the wall and the edge of the bed frame at the end of the bed.

               "Noishe typically sleeps almost anywhere inside and outside the house. Sometimes he'll sleep in our bedroom, but most of the time he sleeps either in this guest bedroom, or somewhere outside on the porch or in the backyard. So I think it's best if the puppies stay in a room that he's familiar with, and one that's also out of the elements." Anna answered as she glanced between her husband and son.

               Kratos gave his wife a small smile as he took her hand in his and added, "And from what I observed this afternoon, it seems the puppies will follow Noishe around most of the time, which I am certain is because he's their father, so it's best if we keep them all in the same room together simply for the sake of that familial bond."

               "Oh, Lloyd, we'll have to talk about which two puppies to keep when we head back to the inn tonight. It's so difficult to choose, they're all just so cute!" Colette chimed in from her knelt position on the floor in front of all the puppies.

               "Yeah, it's going to be tough to choose which two to take home with us. Do you have an idea of which two puppies you and mom want, Dad?" Lloyd asked as he knelt down on the floor next to Colette and glanced up at his father.

               "I have an idea, but your mother and I have already agreed to discuss this matter sometime tonight after dinner." Kratos responded, turning his head to look at Anna and give her a small smile and a gentle squeeze of her hand.

               "Ah, that's right." Lloyd said as he looked from Colette and the puppies up at his parents, "Seems like we all have a lot to think about tonight."

               With the plan for where inside the house to temporarily keep the puppies being set, the four spent the rest of the afternoon making sure the puppies were properly bathed, fed, and hydrated. Lloyd and Colette said their goodbyes to Kratos and Anna shortly after dinner to head back to their room at the inn, promising to let them know sometime the next day which two puppies they would like to keep. When it was finally time to go to bed, the older couple made sure all of the puppies, along with Noishe, were gathered together in the guest bedroom and all were sound asleep before they closed the door and headed to their bedroom. The couple then hastily went about with their nightly bedtime routines that always ended in a good night kiss, before joining together under the covers.

               "So, my dear, about the two puppies I would like for us to keep…" Kratos started hesitantly as Anna laid her head on his shoulder, his hands gently gripping onto the edge of the comforter.

               "I don't know, Kratos." Anna said as she let out a sigh and placed her hand onto one of his, "I'm not sure if we should keep any of the puppies. Between the hours I spend each week running the new café, and your unpredictable schedule of taking on mercenary or monster hunting jobs, I just don't know if we have enough time right now to take care of any new additions to our family."

               Her husband fell silent for a few moments and laid his head against hers. It was unlike her to be so unsure and hesitant to deal with an unexpected situation such as this one, but he understood her point. She had every right to have reservations about these two potential additions to their family, and he already knew earlier in the day, even before he told her of his desire to keep two of the puppies, that he would have to assuage those concerns.

               "Then perhaps I could take on fewer jobs, or only take on ones that pay more, in order to have more time to take care of the puppies and other needs around the house." He offered as he placed his other hand on hers.

               "I wouldn't ask you to do all of that, Kratos." She countered as she let out yet another sigh, "Besides, we usually split the household chores between us. I couldn't possibly ask you to take on more chores than you already do around the house."

               Kratos fell silent again and thought for a moment while Anna brought her head up and sat up straight. He wasn't expecting her to be so hesitant at the idea of expanding their family, recalling a time during their travels around Tethe'alla when she almost explicitly expressed her desire to expand their family by having more children, a desire that he also shared.

               "If I recall correctly, my dear," Kratos ventured, giving her hand a gentle and reassuring squeeze, "you weren't exactly hesitant about the idea of expanding our family at one point during our travels around Tethe'alla."

               Anna visibly blushed as her unoccupied hand gripped the edge of the comforter, "Oh, well… That was then, I guess… I'm just not sure if we have time now for any new additions to our family, and that includes both children and pets. But… What do you think? Do you think we could make it work?"

               She glanced up at her husband expectantly and somewhat anxiously. He turned his head slightly to meet her gaze and gave her a small gentle and reassuring smile. His free hand reached over and up to cup and caress her cheek while his lips found her forehead and placed a soft kiss there.

               "I am certain we can make it work, my dear." Kratos answered before planting a kiss on top of her head, "Haven't we always tried to make it work?"

               Leave it to her pragmatic and realistic husband to be the voice of reason this time, a trait they both equally displayed at times during a discussion like this.

               Anna let out a relieved sigh and then laughed softly to herself after a brief moment of silence fell between them, "You're right, Kratos, we've always tried to make it work. No matter the circumstances. And I'm sorry for having my doubts about this decision. It's not like me to be so hesitant and cautious about something like this."

                He gave her another knowing smile and wrapped his arms around her and loosely held her as she laid her head down on her pillow, "It's all right, my dear. You have every right to be concerned about this. This is a big decision to make, and one that we cannot take lightly."

               She reached up to card her hands and fingers through his spiky, auburn colored locks, and returned his smile with one of her own, "...So, which two puppies are you thinking we should keep?"

               "I became quite attached to the cream colored puppy I held in my arm, and also the red colored puppy that was on my shoulder in my time spent with the puppies earlier today." Kratos replied thoughtfully.

               Anna gave her husband a slightly surprised look, "I'm surprised you don't want to keep any of the ones with Noishe's features."

               "I'll leave that decision to Lloyd." Kratos said as he gave her another small smile, "I'm certain he misses Noishe more now since we moved here."

               She returned his smile as her hands slowly drifted down from his hair to press gently against his bare chest, "And speaking of our son, he'll be getting married soon. We should consider renewing our vows again after the wedding. I know we already renewed them when we stayed in Flanoir, but I think it would be nice to renew them in front of Lloyd and his friends."

               Kratos gave her another gentle smile before leaning down to kiss her forehead again. His lips then trailed kisses down to the tip of her nose and across both of her cheeks and along her jawline. She let out a contented sigh while he softly kissed her face. When he finally kissed her on her lips, she wrapped her arms around him and lost herself in his kiss. After the couple had to regrettably part for air, Anna placed her hands back onto his chest, while Kratos touched his forehead to hers.

               He then moved to kiss her on the cheek again, letting his lips travel down to her jawline, then down the column of her neck. She let out another contented and blissful sigh and turned her head slightly to plant a kiss on his temple.

               "Heh, then perhaps after we renew our vows, we could try to expand our family another way, my dear…" Kratos murmured suggestively against the nape of her neck.

               Anna laughed flirtatiously and briefly buried her face into his chest once he brought his head up to meet her gaze again, "Well, I must admit that seeing you being so good to all of those puppies earlier today rekindled my desire to have more children with you. Maybe we could try right now?"

               He gave her a knowing smirk this time before briefly kissing her and then responding with, "Gladly, my dear."

               As soon as their lips met in a passionate kiss, Kratos reached over and turned off the last candle lit lantern on their other nightstand…

___________

               After an all too brief, yet satisfying round of overdue intimacy, the couple settled completely underneath the covers. Anna snuggled up against his chest and Kratos wrapped his arms around her and held her as close as possible to him.

               "I love you, Kratos…" Anna said sleepily as she gave his chest a quick peck.

               "I love you too, my dear…" Kratos said as he kissed the crown of her head.

               "Oh, I almost forgot to ask you…" She yawned softly, "What's the plan for putting the other seven puppies up for adoption?"

               "Don't worry about that, my dear. I'll take care of it. Though I would be grateful if you could let your customers at the café know about the adoption date once I decide when that will be." He answered, gently hugging her.

               "Sounds good…" Anna spoke while letting out another yawn and wrapping her arms around him to return his embrace, "I'll be sure to let them know sometime next week then."

               Kratos softly laughed and placed another kiss on top of her head, "All right, my dear, let's go to sleep now. It's been a long day. Good night…"

               "Good night, Kratos. I love you…" She said, softly kissing his chest before finally drifting off to sleep.

               He kissed the crown of her head one last time before he, too, drifted off to sleep while holding her safely and securely in his arms. With the wedding between their son and his childhood friend happening in the coming months, and a plan in place to adopt out most of Noishe's sudden and unexpected litters of puppies, the couple had much to look forward to. This next chapter of their lives appeared to be starting off on a quite hopeful note!

[darkhymns-fic]

Still

It’s too intimate at times, knowing someone like this. Sheena wasn’t ready for it.

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia Characters: Sheena Fujibayashi, Zelos Wilder, Seles Wilder Rating: G Mirror Links: AO3, FF.net Notes: Written for @talesofsymphoniablog‘s Tales of Symphonia Week 2017, for Oct 11 - The True You (Way overdue! I hope you don’t mind very late entries!)

She didn’t free-fall for long before he grabbed her hand.

When Sheena came to, she was still half-floating in shadows. Her neck was craned at an odd angle, looking down at her feet that hung over an overarching maw of darkness. She remembered this - from when she had fell into the chasm, pulled in by roots, and told Lloyd to go.

He did, and then she fell.

With hesitation, Sheena raised her eyes. The brightness of him contrasted so heavily within the darkness, that she felt almost blinded. Red hair imprinted its shape into her vision, but nothing was as stunning as the spans of golden light that extended from his back.

“Yo, hunny.” He winked as he easily raised her up by the wrist. Before she knew it, she was cradled within his arms, unmindful at all to the debris and sweat that still clung to her clothes. “Still falling for me, I see.”

Sheena didn’t say anything, but he didn’t wait for her reply. With a downward swing of those makeshift wings – their mana so prevalent that even she could feel it, with what little elven blood she retained through her ancestry – they ascended. There was the shattered bridge, and the singed remains of the plant that had tried to drag her down. Bundles of its roots lay curled up by the sides of the chasm, looking finally to be dead.

Once Zelos touched the ground, she immediately leapt from his arms.

“Whoa, not even a thank you?”

She looked at him again. Out here in the light, with no one around. They could have all disappeared. They could have died. Lloyd could already be dead. But she could only fixate on Zelos, not a strand of his hair barely out of line. The wings on his back were a reminder, and just the sight of them around him gave her a giant headache.

Zelos noticed her stare. The wings dissipated like mist.

“Did you help the others?” she asked him then. She tried to restrain herself from fidgeting, tried to forget the rate of her heartbeat as she had fallen, believing for certain that she wouldn’t recover.

“Yeah.” His voice took that tone again, back within the tower. “At least the ones on the way to here.” Low and with barely any texture. There were few instances she had ever heard him speak like that, and in those instances, she had thought she knew him.

She thought a lot of things, didn’t she?

“And Lloyd?”

He shrugged, smiling again. “Not yet. But my bud’s moving fast. Only got a bit of time to catch up. And I’m sure the others probably ran into some traps. This place is tricky like that.”

Sheena wanted to yell at him then, but she didn’t. She nodded, holding the feeling in her palms until it sunk inside her. Though she followed Zelos as he led her out of this maze of a place, those wings couldn’t leave her mind. So bright and deadly and different – nothing like she had ever thought of him at all.

He had been such a loudmouth.

“So, you’re the voluptuous ninja from Mizuho, huh?” Outside of that sickeningly large mansion, Zelos stood outside to interview with her, the Exsphere on his chest gleaming. It reflected the sun, making her eyes ache. Already she had to restrain the urge to smack his face, but it was her first visit to Meltokio, and it was probably considered rude for a foreigner to hit the much-admired Chosen.

“Excuse me, but…” she started. “Voluptuous?”

“Hey, it’s a compliment!” He snapped his fingers at her, grinning way too happily. “And it’s a good sign. Means you got a better chance of passing.”

She had just gone through the three-hour ‘conversation’ with the Pope. Surely she could handle anything after that ordeal. But she had to get the supposed blessings from those high up in the Church hierarchy before she could get started. Mizuho needed allies, and support from Meltokio would be incredibly beneficial. This was at least a task that there was no way she could mess up on.

All she had to do was play nice.

“Well, need my qualifications? I’ve told the Pope pretty much everything… Shouldn’t we be having this interview inside?”

She flinched inwardly. Why did she make this harder than it needed to be?

“Nah, that’s too formal. Besides, thought I’d give you a tour of our fair city. We don’t get too many country folk like you around. It’s charming!”

An eyebrow twitched. “Huh, wonder why.”

“And anyway…” he walked off, and suddenly she had to follow. She could smell the cologne reach her from several feet away, probably carried from his thick, red hair. “Not like I care enough who you really are anyway. You work for the Pope, I get that.”

He said this as he waved to some high-class ladies, their voices flittering through the paper fans they held over their faces.

“I work for Mizuho,” she corrected him. “And through them, I get the King’s requests.”

“Right, so the Pope basically.”

“You’re always this charming yourself?”

He stopped beside the pavilion in front of the theater, then turned to face her fully. “I’m only here to figure out the real you.”

His eyes were hard, and that smile from before had vanished from his face. He had instantly transformed into someone very intimidating.

“…Okay,” she responded. “Then who is the real me then?”

In all honesty, she wouldn’t have minded an answer.

A muscled arm circled around her shoulders, bringing her in close.

“My new voluptuous hunny! So innocent to the world, looking for guidance from the great Chosen himself!” He basically had her in a full embrace that she had not consented to. His voice went low with a purr. “And as my new hunny, there’s only so much to teach you…”

She decided to take her chances, and elbowed him in the solar plexus.

Just a trick it had all been. An elaborate joke, played on both sides, so that he could get the key needed for Lloyd to achieve his idealistic goals. Of course. That was why she was here, too. Why she had swallowed her fear and faced Volt, despite losing another friend because of her cowardice. The trove of jewels she carried with her were a testament to that, to all the Summon Spirits that would rise to her with a whisper.

Yet in the elven village, she couldn’t sleep.

The place was quiet and secluded, much like Mizuho. But the trees that surrounded them were not like those of Goaracchia Forest. The trees didn’t pack together, and the boughs didn’t twist around themselves. They instead spread far, like wide and open-spaced fingers, allowing the sunshine to touch the soil. It was not a place guarded by shadows, though she wondered if there was much of a difference with the light. Either way, one would still get lost – has been lost.

Sheena had left her room, walking aimlessly around the windmill in the center of Heimdall, staring uneasily into the dark, before she decided to go see Lloyd.

He would tell her what she needed to know, take away that confusion, and give her back some purpose. It’s what he’d always been able to do for her. She pulled her sleeve over the bells strapped to her wrist, hushing their chimes, and took a deep breath of the night air. She had missed her opportunity at Flanoir – she wouldn’t miss this one.

Just like she would bend Volt to her whim at the young age of ten. Just like she would be the most graceful shinobi from Mizuho. Just like she would kill the Chosen for the sake of Tethe’alla.

She had barely made it past the side of the inn before catching his eye.

“What the hell?”

Zelos held up both his hands, laughing carelessly, not caring who he would wake. “Hey, relax! Can’t a guy just watch the stars once in a while?” He was standing underneath the overhanging roof, draped within shadows that even the brightness of his hair was muted.

She took a step back, shifting her momentum to the north, to –

“You missed your chance, you know.” Zelos shrugged. “Bud’s already got an appointment.”

She held the feeling in her palms, but had nowhere to set it down.

The first time she met Seles, it had been an awkward affair. The South East Abbey was not very large, with only two floors in its whole structure. The Chosen did not need to go on any pilgrimage, not in these flourishing times, yet he apparently visited this particular House of Guidance every few months or so. Sebastian had given her the coordinates on her routine trip to Meltokio, asking if she would like to meet with Master Zelos at the appointed place.

She had been given the task – by many sources – to watch Zelos’ movements. This only worked in her favor.

“Man, what are they feeding you in this place?” Zelos asked, pushing away his plate. He sat with a Seles at a small dining table in her room, only big enough to seat two people. The meal consisted of mashed potatoes, some unidentified meat, and a heaping of greens. It was a small room, decently furnished with a polished oak dresser, several chests for storage, a nightstand, and a plush bed. The only window of the room was narrow, chiseled through the thick stone walls, but it gave an open view of the sea that surrounded the entirety of the Abbey.

“Whatever my body won’t react violently to.” Seles continued eating her portion. She wore a large bonnet-like hat that dwarfed her small stature. That was what Sheena had first noticed. The sister was so very short in comparison to her brother.

“Are you alright there? You’re not hungry yourself?” Seles suddenly asked her. Sheena flinched from her position against the wall. It was hard to observe in silence when you had to do so out in the open.

“I…I ate already,” she added lamely.

Zelos, meanwhile seemed to completely ignore her presence. “I’m sure you can handle some fried shrimp once in a while.” He winked at Seles. “Hey, can even sneak some in for you.”

“We are not allowed to accept outside foods, you know.” She didn’t look at her brother, keeping her eyes rooted to her plate. “Our diet is strict. And for all I know, it might kill me.”

Zelos didn’t react. He leaned back in his wooden chair, his face suddenly impassive and incredibly familiar to Sheena. “Yeah… there’s a lot of strict things around here, isn’t there?”

Seles folded the napkin on her lap, fitting it better over her knees. “I suppose I don’t notice to be honest. But it’s not like I have any other choice.”

There was something to be said here.

The small dinner soon ended, thankfully. Sheena had almost wished she hadn’t come along. She didn’t want to get involved in weird family squabbles like this. She wasn’t even sure why Zelos wanted her along in the first place.

Zelos and Seles stood, making small talk, meaningless inquiries, and their eyes always shifting. Seles really did seem so frail, her shoulders slim and pale through the open section of her white sleeves.

“Seles, I need you to do me a favor.”

The girl’s eyes widened in confusion. Sheena then caught the glint of something in Zelos’ hand. A piece of jewelry? A gald piece? But he deftly transferred it to Seles’ outstretched hand, until it became buried under her clothes, or a clenching of her fingers, or maybe even just by a trick of the light.

“You will visit again?” Seles then asked her brother. Her hands folded before her, just over her waist.

Zelos answered with a shrug. “I guess so.”

“If you must.”

Another length of silence.

Zelos had already walked away, past Sheena and out through the open door. It caught her off-guard, especially with his face – some strange portrait of stone-carved misery, with only the vague recollections of a smile. The look in his eyes weren’t directed at anyone, but they were sharp and probing, and it made her worry suddenly for his well-being.

By the time he was far down the hallway, Seles spoke to her again.

“You,” came the voice, hard as flint. “Witch.”

Sheena turned to her with surprise. “What?”

“I know why he brought you here. I only say this as a warning.” Seles stood up straight, even though she shivered from some unknown chill. A sickness. Another glint of an Exsphere blinked in Sheena’s vision, originating from Seles’ left wrist. “Do not hurt him.”

“I don’t… What are you talking about?”

But Seles had already seated herself on her bed, looking through a prayer book that had been conveniently nearby. Pointedly ignoring her.

The soft twinkling of bells drew her attention again. She found Corrine at her feet before he started traveling up her legs with ease, finally perching himself on her shoulder. His curled tails bobbed gently against her hair. “Zelos says he’s waiting for you.”

Seles made no other motion, not even the turning of a page.

Sheena could barely make sense of this stranger here; would she able to for the one downstairs?

“You know,” came Colette’s voice, carried by the night wind. “It still feels strange. The fact that I’m still here, talking.”

In response, came Lloyd’s. “How come?”

Sheena sat behind the inn, her form hidden by stores of food in clay jars, tied up lumber, and other supplies for the village. Next to her, Zelos stood, his eyes riveted to the forest that now housed only shadows with the disappearance of the sun.

Neither talked yet, not until they heard Lloyd and Colette walk further from the inn, following the river to the secluded glade.

“You were going to talk to him, too?” Sheena questioned through the silence.

Zelos only gave her a shrug. “Not sure. But being a night owl is a thing a lot of us share.”

She didn’t want to answer. She tried to wrench her eyes from his back, but it was all she could see, looming before her, with the afterimage of gold burned in her eyes.

“Probably for the best we didn’t catch him earlier though.” Zelos slightly turned to face her, teeth in a grin. “Don’t want to make little miss angel sad and lose her chance.”

“Stop talking.”

The air was too still. She didn’t like that Lloyd’s voice was gone. She didn’t like that Colette’s voice left with him. Seated on the ground, arms wrapped over her knees, she shivered.

“Stop acting like nothing’s changed.”

Zelos shifted, but not much else. She made the mistake of looking at his face again, finding that same stranger staring back at her. All so carefully arranged, lips set in a firm line.

If she held her breath, she could hear those other voices from across the river, just slightly.

“You once said you were trying to figure out the real me,” she continued. Hands clenched again. “Then who am I? What do you see?”

She would not cry, even though every nerve inside her raged to let it flow.

Zelos’ face changed again, losing the hardness to let him raise an eyebrow, for his lips to shift. One hand pressed against his chin in a curious gesture.

“Like someone unsure who to trust next.”

Sheena leapt to her feet. Her right hand curled into a fist. The bells around her fingers chimed.

“Hey! Wait a secon-”

“You really are an idiot! If it had been your plan all along to get the Aionis, you would have told us! Or told someone­ at least!” Her heels dug into the grass, needing to be rooted so that she wouldn’t be compelled to tackle him through the chest. “I know that just one wrong word from someone would have been enough to push you. Right?”

The flash in his eyes let her know she had struck the beginnings of a secret.

First Kuchinawa, now him. Why did things continue to go wrong?

There was… she wouldn’t call it unpleasant, but a soft disconcerting look in his face. His body stayed relaxed, no longer flinching from Sheena’s stance, or her trembling fists. “You know me, Sheena. That’s something I still can’t get used to.”

This didn’t help at all.

“Stop lying to me. I don’t know anything, especially you. I don’t know why I ever thought you were actually a good person deep down. You’re just like how you act – selfish and cruel and not caring about anyone else! You were really going to sell us out, weren’t you? You were going to throw out all the work we’d done!”

Zelos smiled again, weakly. “It’s not been an easy year.”

She was going to cry. She hated this, and she hated him. “You’re not the only one hurting!”

The moonlight shone brightly against the trees, making of him a silhouette. “Easy to forget.”

She heard something from across the river. “You don’t have to worry anymore…” There’s almost nothing that she wouldn’t give to believe something like that, to know that kind of comfort.

“Sheena,” Zelos started again. He made no motion toward her, keeping his distance. “Do you wanna know why I came out here?”

“To see Lloyd,” she answered automatically, then winced. No, she had been thinking about herself-

“Yeah, though it’s just to make up for a missed meeting last time. Had a speech prepared and everything… But then I overslept.” He shook his head in mock disappointment. “Can’t help that the Great Zelos Wilder needs his beauty rest.”

There was something in his words that made her latch onto them, enough to completely brush aside his obnoxious bragging. “Last time?” Her brain instantly made the connections. “Flanoir?”

Zelos seemed pleased at that. “We just keep missing our chances.”

The snow had been too chill before.

“See? You know who I am.”

“No, I don’t know who you are,” she said, remembering him in those shadows, carrying her and flying.

“A mistake,” he answered easily. “Same as you, right?”

She no longer had the motivation to hit him. Everything about him was so incredibly sad.

He laughed, the tone light and boisterous, but empty. “Sometimes, I think everything would just be better off if it all… stopped. Just stopped. Everything. And when I think like that, it’s easy to forget everybody else.”

“That’s wrong,” she argued, not knowing why she bothered. “You keep going. You have to.”

He shrugged. “I know, but it’s such a hassle.”

She turned away, facing those stores of food, the lumber, and the grass turned silver by the moonlight. “You’re terrible.”

But there was that gaping maw in her head, facing her, making her listless and adrift. She had purpose before, for a brief time. Where did all of that go all of a sudden?

“I know the real you now,” she said, her voice even. “Broken.”

“You already knew that, hunny.” Zelos still laughed slightly, just behind her ear. “Broken but beautiful!”

She groaned. “You’re not taking this seriously.”

“I’ve never been more serious than now.”

When she turned back around, they were back in their hue of gold. The wings spread wide, framing his hair, his shoulders, and lighting up the floor. Like the stored glow of sunshine that he had kept hidden away.

His hand was outstretched towards her. She stepped back.

“I’m not flying with you,” she said. Too soon, too hard.

A wave of confusion passed his face. “Not what I was going to ask.” A smirk graced his lips. “Is that what you were hoping for?”

“No!”

“Heh.” He spread his arms magnanimously, the wings behind him moving in a slow cadence. “I’m just here to show you again the other side of the Great Zelos.”

“Ugh, you are such an idiot!”

Those same arms lifted in surrender. “Okay, okay. Look, I just wanted to give you something. But also! I wanted you to have a last look at these babies-” he gestured to his wings, the afterimage of golden feathers fluttering from each steady flap, “-one last time.”

Sometimes Sheena couldn’t believe Zelos’ audacity. Couldn’t he see that-

“Sometimes, the more you see the true self of someone, the more you despise them,” he spoke, softly. With his words, the wings faded away, like a bad dream. “But I’m glad you’ve seen me, all the same.”

He reached again for her hand, which she didn’t swat away. Something cold pressed against her palm, something that glinted from the light of his wings, like the reflection from stained-glass windows. There was a weight to it, and its shade was the same color as old blood, dried on her hands when she had begged the Chief to wake from her failure.

“…This is only meant to be held by the Chosen,” she said, matter-of-factly. She raised her eyes, seeing the key crest on his chest empty. He looked so strange without anything there.

“I’m sure there’s a loophole somewhere that it can go to whoever the Chosen deems worthy.” He winked.

“There is literally no loophole that says-”

“Eh, whatever. It’s not something I want to hang onto anyway.” His face became of that same stone again, but this time she could begin to understand its secrets. “Seles held it for long enough. And Lloyd’s probably not the best one for it.”

She looked down at the object. The Orb held a tinge of gold. She closed her fingers around it, blocking out the light.

“Alright, glad I was your third choice then.”

Zelos laughed. “See? You’re the perfect keeper for it!”

Sheena knew the details of his life – at least those by information given to her, by public records that had been sent her way. The Chosen seeing the death of his mother, his father taking his own life, and his sister spirited away to a place far beyond his reach until he would be older. Those were the details, but she never wanted to look deeper than that. She could barely handle her own tragedies. It was only a matter of time before she messed up someone else’s.

“I don’t despise you,” she told him. She hid the Orb underneath her sleeve. It was packed tightly next to the bells of another dear friend. “I just hate traitors more than anything else.”

Zelos was still. He stood before her, eyes empty and lips firm.

She shrugged. “So, it’s really lucky that you’re not one. Technically.”

Zelos snorted, but another laugh escaped his mouth anyway. “Yeah. Technically.”

She wasn’t even trying to listen to the two across the river, but their voices traveled. They were nice and dear to her, but the distraction was not something she wanted anymore.

“Maybe we should go somewhere else,” she offered. “Like, a walk.”

Zelos raised an eyebrow. “You want to go on a romantic stroll with the Great Zelos Wilder? Hunny, I’ve always known you had a thing for me.”

She mock-sighed. “Sure. How about a stroll through the woods where no one can hear you scream in terror?”

“Now we’re just moving too fast! At least let me buy you dinner first.”

With a sorta-soft punch to his shoulder, she followed him as they walked off. Maybe to talk, maybe to look at the sky. She had always tried her best to avoid spending time alone with him before. Not that she had been afraid of knowing who he was. But instead if he…

“Can’t fly you anywhere now, you know,” he told her. He jutted a thumb to his back. “Could have taken you to the stars if you wanted.”

She smirked back at him. “I prefer to be grounded.”

Still, she heard whispers from across the way.

“I want to continue to be by your side, just like I've been up until now.”

When he first visited Mizuho, he heard the whispers. They rose alongside the rustling of the leaves whenever Sheena passed people by, whenever she visited the grave markers to the left of the village. “What a mistake,” they would say, and it confused him, because who else deserved to be called that beside himself?

“You just speak with the Vice-Chief for a few minutes, then leave,” she told him. They passed by the humble houses, sneaking a glance within the open doorways. He saw families seated at their kotatsus, saw women walk swiftly by in their long, flowing clothes, nothing like the dresses the ladies back in Meltokio wore. Still, few gave him more than a flickering look. Instead their eyes would rivet to the shinobi that guided him.

Sheena kept her eyes locked forward. At the most, Zelos could always tell when a woman was hurting.

Not much came from the meeting with the Vice-Chief, though Zelos’ knees ached terrible from the way they had to sit.

“We are pleased the King deems us worthy to work with him,” the man across from him said. Next to him, covered by shades, was another man, lying on a mat. He had purple robes, and the skin on his face was wrinkled and pale. He noticed that Sheena’s gaze kept going over to him specifically.

“Sure, just keep doing what you do,” Zelos assured the Vice-Chief. “And I’ll keep putting in a good word for you. Just gotta say, you started off great by sending Sheena to me!”

He heard a scoff from behind. “Idiot.”

Still, when they made their way to leave the village, those same whispers and grumblings came back. “Murderer,” one woman whispered as she worked their small fields. It had been so faint, and Sheena was far. But with the Orb now locked back onto his chest, he could hear the secrets of Mizuho more clearly than anything.

Here was a side of her that she never wanted to show. Especially not to him.

Hands in his pockets and with a practiced smile, he continued to follow her out of the gate. There was nothing of her that could ever make him turn away – not when he had spent nearly all his life looking in the mirror.

[copics-and-renegades]

Whumptober 2022 Masterpost

Putting everything together for convenience again and also because, frankly, I’m pretty proud of myself for getting it done this time again, despite. Everything. First I was buried in work hours because everyone was sick. Then *I* was sick. (Covid. Yay. *still has the dry cough*)

As always, I’ll be tagging with the day, prompt, characters involved, if it’s explicitly ship - all of my stuff is ALWAYS ship tho lmao - and content warnings aaand I’ll label my personal favourites because I want to.

Oh and I guess if it’s particularly dark and just plain cruel (in my opinion), I’ll note the Dead Dove, too.

:)

---

Whumptober 2022 - The Complete List

Day 01: Unconventional Restraints

Characters: Botta.

Content warnings: teeth, vore elements, monsters, blood.

Day 02: Nowhere To Run

Characters: Yuan Ka-Fai

Content warnings: none

Day 03: Hair’s Breath From Death

Characters: Yuan Ka-Fai, Botta, Mithos Yggdrasill

Ship: Yuan x Botta

Content warnings: restraints, torture, blood, death threats, guns, implied homophobia

Dead Dove Do Not Eat.

Day 04: Dead On Your Feet

Characters: Yuan Ka-Fai

Content warnings: blood

Day 05: Running Out Of Air

Characters: Botta

Content warnings: drowning, asphyxiation

Day 06: Sensory Overload

Characters: Yuan Ka-Fai

Content warnings: restraints, non-consensual experimentation

Day 07: The Way You Shake And Shiver

Characters: Botta

Content warnings: choking, asphyxiation, ptsd, creepy whumper

Day 08: Everything Hurts And I’m Dying

Characters: Yuan Ka-Fai, Botta

Ship: Yuan x Botta

Content warnings: none

Day 09: A Very Noisy Night

Characters: Botta, Pronyma

Content warnings: restraints, torture, burns

Dead Dove Do Not Eat.

Day 10: Taser

Characters: Yuan Ka-Fai

Content warnings: restraints, torture, electrocution

Dead Dove Do Not Eat.

Day 11: Self-Done First Aid

Characters: Botta

Content warnings: blood, injury, broken bones, open fractures, gore

Day 12: Carried To Safety

Characters: Yuan Ka-Fai, Botta

Ship: Yuan x Botta

Content warnings: none

Day 13: Can’t Make An Omelette Without Breaking A Few Legs

Personal Fave Of The Artist

Characters: Botta

Content warnings: restraints, torture, panic attacks, plain sicko shit, sadistic whumper

Dead Dove Do Not Eat.

Day 14: Whimpering

Characters: Yuan Ka-Fai

Content warnings: implied torture, blood, injury

Day 15: Emotional Damage

Characters: Botta, Zelos Wilder

Content warnings: implied humiliation, implied abuse

Day 16: “No One’s Coming.”

Characters: Yuan Ka-Fai, Lloyd Irving, Colette Brunel

Ship: Colloyd

Content warnings: guns, death threats

Day 17: Stress Positions

Characters: Botta

Content warnings: restraints, torture, captivity

Day 18: Let’s Break The Ice

Characters: Yuan Ka-Fai

Content warnings: racist violence, dehumanization, restraints, threats, humiliation, hypothermia

Dead Dove Do Not Eat.

Day 19: Repeatedly Passing Out

Characters: Botta

Content warnings: blood, torture, captivity, hospitals, hurt some comfort

Day 20: Stabbed

Characters: Yuan Ka-Fai

Content warnings: blood, knives, stabbing

Day 21: Famous Last Words

Characters: Botta, Pronyma

Content warnings: sexual harassment, non-consensual touching, restraints, torture, critical femme fatale failure

Dead Dove Do Not Eat.

Day 22: Pick Your Poison

Personal Fave Of The Artist

Characters: Yuan Ka-Fai

Content warnings: restraints, torture, captivity, medical torture, non-consensual drug use, sadistic whumper

Dead Dove Do Not Eat.

Day 23: At The End Of Their Rope - Forced To Kneel - Tied To A Table - “Hold them down.”

Personal Fave Of The Artist

Characters: Botta

Content warnings: restraints

Day 24: Fight, Flight Or Freeze

Characters: Yuan Ka-Fai, Mithos Yggdrasill

Content warnings: choking, asphyxiation, hostile work environment, bullying

Day 25: Silence Is Golden

Personal Fave Of The Artist

Characters: Botta

Content warnings: gagging, restraints, knives, blood, humiliation

Day 26: Rope Burns

Characters: Yuan Ka-Fai

Content warnings: restraints, torture, strangulation, asphyxiation, vomit

Dead Dove Do Not Eat.

Day 27: Pushed To The Limit

Characters: Botta

Content warnings: restraints, torture, drowning, water torture, leashes, collars, humiliation, mental breakdown, ptsd

Dead Dove Do Not Eat.

Day 28: Just The Tip Of The Iceberg

Characters: Yuan Ka-Fai

Content warnings: blood, gore, impalement

Day 29: “Better Me Than You.”

Characters: Yuan Ka-Fai, Botta

Ship: Yuan x Botta

Content warnings: captivity, implied violence, blood, self-sacrifice

Day 30: Note To Self -- Don’t Get Kidnapped

Personal Fave Of The Artist

Characters: Yuan Ka-Fai, Kratos Aurion

Content warnings: kidnapping, guns, restraints

Day 31: Made To Watch

Number One Personal Fave Of The Artist This Year

Characters: Yuan Ka-Fai, Botta, Mithos Yggdrasill

Ship: Yuan x Botta

Content warnings: restraints, torture, blood, humilation, mental breakdown, forced stripping, whipping, implied homophobia, religion-adjacent themes, suggestive themes, slut shaming

Dead Dove Do Not Eat.

Dead Dove Do Not Eat.

Dead Dove Do Not Eat!

[umbry2000]

It's the last day of ace week (this was supposed to come out on day 2 ahaha) so I thought I'd expand more on my ace Colette HC. Slightly long post (cough), and it basically devolved into talking about Colloyd by the second half...

My post on my ace (and aroace) headcanons can be found here. (In truth there are like more, I didn't even include my anime ones, but then that list would be way too long as well.)

In this essay I will -

Haha no, this isn't an essay, just me covering a few things that have been floating around in my head for quite a long time. Mainly Colette's experiences growing up, her difficulty in coming to terms with herself post-canon and how it affects her relationship with Lloyd, and how her aceness intersects with her role as Chosen and her position in the Church of Martel. I have a lot of thoughts but I'm bad at organising and a lot of points overlap so warning for the mess (TM). The tense is definitely all over the place, so sorry about that. (There’s probably some overlap with my demiro HC for her, it’s a bit hard to separate sometimes for me since you just get the package deal of no attraction to anything.)

This will also contain some of my thoughts on what the Church of Martel could be like, so it delves into some religious territory.

Colette as ace in canon would mean she occupies a rather unique position. She's the Chosen, so presumably she'd have to embody all of the Church's qualities and follow all the rules set down in the scripture far more strictly than anyone else, since she has to be "the perfect vessel". And considering most religions have a tendency to view virginity as purity, she was probably strictly warned off doing any sort of "fooling around"...

A side note: I personally don't think Mithos wrote any of these particular rules in, because I don't think he considered any of this at all. My personal HC for him is greyrose, greyromantic greysexual, and romance-indifferent. I really like to think of him as a person who valued friends and family a lot, and didn't get the point of romance, because his "crushes" were both infrequent and so short-lived that it didn't matter much to him - he had no desire to pursue them. So these issues probably didn't cross his mind at all when writing up the sacred text for the Church. I think someone else added it in sometime in the 4000 years that passed, slowly changing the meaning of the text.

If I base the Church of Martel off real-life religions, the scriptures would likely have stuff about how sex before marriage is a sin, how marriages must be consummated to be legitimate, etc... (Consummation laws are still a thing today... Though it's been voided in most places. Not where I live, though :/) Colette would have memorised all of this, because she was supposed to know the entire text back to front. And it would be hard not to memorise it when she's made to read it almost daily.

She might have wondered, when she was younger, why "not having sex" is considered a challenge as the priests seemed to imply it was as they warned her not to, or why the marriage laws seemed to imply that sex was necessary in marriage and it was the duty of both sides to provide it to the other. Because the idea just never really came up for her, and she's never wanted to. But she just shrugged and brushed it off as slightly weird. Maybe she even thought that the act of sex was something people just started doing once they became adults, that no one actually wanted to do it and just did it because they were supposed to. Therefore she didn't have to worry about any of this because she would never become an adult (something that she might have subconsciously been relieved about). She thought that everyone else was like her, because there was no evidence to think otherwise at this time.

Then she gets a little older. And realises that, no, everyone else is not like her. In fact, she's the only one like this. The only one who doesn't express any interest in sex, who doesn't want to take part in the gossip taking place in whispers around class. This was something all of her classmates were far more interested in, obssessed with, even. She's the odd one out. What she thought was normal was actually abnormal.

And she would start scrambling. For any reason to explain why she was different. Some way to reject the idea that this was innate to her instead of something caused by external factors, because then there would be no way to fix whatever had gone wrong.

I think it's possible Colette connects her asexuality to her religion. It's only logical, right? She's had no interest in anyone before this because she was always told not to by the priests, because she was Chosen. Maybe if she wasn't Chosen, she wouldn't be like this. That's not how attraction works, but no one ever explained that to her.

Maybe, on the surface, she considers it a good thing. She can be a better Chosen this way, facing less temptation to stray off her path. She can protect the world better like this.

But under all that, she might start resenting this part of herself, even if she isn't aware of it. Because all Colette has ever wanted is to be like her peers, and this is just another thing marking her as different.

And she expects none of it to matter, once she's dead. But she doesn't die, because she is saved, so she has to contend with everything she's internalised and never said over the years, because she never thought it was safe to tell anyone.

In the years after she returns from her journey, her life gets a lot happier. She's free, now, in a way she has never been before. To make any choice she wants, in a way that's completely new to her, and is very daunting.

And as a Colloyd lover I obviously have to say she gets into a relationship with Lloyd :3

But she still doesn't tell a soul about how she feels, not even Lloyd. No one has ever told her that it was alright to feel this way, that there were others like her, that she's not broken. In fact, all the world has ever told her, directly and indirectly, is that it's wrong to feel this way, because everyone under the sun should desire someone.

She's happy with Lloyd (they love each other lots and they always have and always will), but at the same time feels incredibly guilty all the time. She might have hoped, at the start of their relationship, that this might change something inside of her, fix her somehow. But it didn't. And she had to throw out the "waiting till marriage" card pretty early on, because she's certain no one would love her or stay with her if they knew the truth, but she doesn’t want to put herself through the deed. And she wouldn't blame them, because she's not worthy of love. Yet she's not willing to let the happiest days she's ever known slip away, even if she feels horrible. It's a thought that's always at the back of her mind, forcefully pushed down during the day but re-emerging on nights when all is quiet and she lies in bed, unable to fall asleep as she listens to Lloyd's steady breathing. On those nights, the dread she keeps so carefully kept away overruns her, and she can only cry silently, drowning in everything with no one to keep her afloat.

And she only grows to hate this bit of herself even more, knowing that it was why she was letting Lloyd down, why she would never be good enough for anyone, but especially for him, who she loved so much but couldn’t love in the right way. It would never be enough to make up for that which she couldn’t give. Why can’t she change, why can’t she get better? It should be so simple, and yet she can’t do it.

She knows she's only delaying the inevitable. She can't hide the truth forever, and neither does she think she can stand lying to him forever, because she’s already being crushed under all the guilt. But she also can't help but hope that marriage will somehow fix everything, that maybe she can't stomach the thought of sex because being Chosen has just irreparably damaged her to the point that she can't contemplate premarital sex without an immense amount of guilt. She knows what she feels isn't guilt, it's just repulsion, and that she has never desired him in the way she should, but this is her final hope.

To add to things, she probably has a very complicated relationship with religion. She might have felt the need to throw away everything that was linked to being Chosen, because to her that's the simplest way to distance herself from the life she's left behind and has no desire to return to. Yet there are parts of that old life she may miss. I do honestly think Colette enjoys the sense of unity from being in the Church of Martel, and might even enjoy faith, just doesn't enjoy being Chosen and having to follow so many rules and restrictions to a tee when most everyone else in the Church doesn't - that, and the painful memories entangled with everything the Church is and represents, which would take time to separate. Throwing everything away is the easiest thing to do, but it would make her grieve, even if she tries to deny otherwise. She hasn't yet understood that the entire point of being free is that one gets to choose. What parts of that life to keep, what parts to shelve away. If she likes only certain aspects of something, there's nothing stopping her from choosing to experience only those few aspects. But as I've said previously, choices don't come easily to someone who's never been allowed to choose.

And as she still thinks her aceness is linked to religion, she might distance herself from it in the hopes that it might make things better. It doesn't, of course, because nothing could change who she is. She is only making herself miserable by refusing to tell anyone and letting frustration build over the futileness of it all, but courage does not come easily to someone deathly afraid of rejection.

Things come to a head once Lloyd proposes, and instead of getting a yes or a no, faces a petrified Colette who only gets paler by the second. She's realising, all at once, that there really is no changing this part of her. Nothing has worked so far, and she has to concede that likely nothing will - she's simply shattered beyond repair. And she can't lie to him anymore. It wouldn't be fair to either of them. She can't be a good wife, because she can't give him what's supposed to be a given in marriage (hammered into her head since young, but even then, she knows people would expect certain things even outside of religious reasons), what she promised him. And if she kept quiet and went along with it, he would be hurting her, even if it was never his fault to begin with, and he could always tell when she was hurting, the kind, kind soul that he was. She didn't want to put him through that.

She should have told the truth years ago and spared them the pain of separation after years of linking their hearts together, for rejection would leave a far smaller scar than ripping apart the flower of love they'd tenderly cultivated together. There was no other outcome she could envision. All the mornings, when she'd wake him up with a cup of coffee, the lazy afternoons where she'd lie in his embrace, the two of them on the grassy hill, the evenings where they would eat dinner together, lit by gentle candlelight. She would lose everything, but this was all her fault for playing this game of deception for so long, so it was a pain she would bear, for she was not willing to hurt him.

Yeah, no, obviously Lloyd doesn't leave her. It's a long conversation they have, one that involves a lot of painful confessing from Colette and tears from both sides, probably. They both acknowledge that now is not the right time to get married - and not any time soon, they have a lot to work through first. Lloyd makes it very clear that he didn’t get into this relationship expecting anything from her, and that was never going to change. But she should have told the truth earlier. He understands why she didn’t, but still, he would have wanted to help her, to do something about the unknowing amount of pressure he was putting on her, even if it was never his intention to do so. And Colette can do nothing but tearfully apologise for lying, because she knows that even if he's forgiven her, or rather had never thought that she'd done anything wrong in the first place, that she had misled him. And to her, that would never have been the right thing to do.

But it's communication, and that's a start. And they don't need to start from scratch or anything - just anew, with a better understanding of each other. And they can help each other along the way :) Lloyd helping Colette to accept that this is her, and that there was no changing that, and there’s nothing wrong with who she was. Even if this person she is now is because she used to be Chosen, was influenced by that time, there’s nothing wrong with that. That person is who he loves, and he wouldn’t change that for the world, and he hoped she could love herself too, someday. And Colette can of course help Lloyd better understand her boundaries, what is okay and what isn’t. They can experiment in a safe manner now that the air has been cleared. (The exploration and setting of physical boundaries plus physical intimacy was something else I wanted to cover, but this post is already way too long lol.)

Also, I like to think that when they do get married some more years in the future, they don't do it under the Church of Martel. I think by that time it's probably a more common thing to do, and Colette doesn't want the pressure of the laws governing marriage from the Church, even if she has started reclaiming small parts of her religion by this point (the distinction that she is herself even outside of her religion helps). It just doesn’t sit right with her. Lloyd is more than happy to go along with what she wants. Hm, maybe they get married under dwarven tradition instead? Sounds fun! I have no concrete ideas on what that entails other than a bunch of incomprehensible ideas about rivers.

Ok, I think I’ll stop here. I originally wanted to cover QPRs (both Colette and Lloyd as well as Colette and Zelos, I am a big sucker for both :D), but I’ll leave it to some other day.

I do want to cover most of these in fic? But it's all so complicated and multi-layered that I have no idea how to go about it at the moment. I also have no time :( One day maybe.

This was originally supposed to be done by Tuesday but as you can see it's Sunday now. Whoops. Hope this made sense lmao and didn't devolve into an incomprehensible mess.

[sykilik101]

Colloyd Week Day 6: Quote Day: “Goodness and Love Will Always Win”

The lights of the Meltokio coliseum glimmered above, reflecting off the golden medallion resting in a gloved hand. Swathes of Tethe’allans roamed the lobby, too enraptured by the battle they’d just witnessed to pay any mind to the newest champion seated in a corner. 

Lloyd’s smirk was unbidden glee made palpable as he used his thumb to flip his prize over and over in his palm, still descending from the adrenaline rush of the fight. The seclusion was a reprieve for him; despite his joy, a number of thoughts, and a larger group of emotions, careened through his head, and he’d rather get them sorted out before regrouping with his friends. It wasn’t the thrill of conquest that had him perplexed; rather, it was when the announcer decided to punctuate the day’s skirmish with an interview with the winners, and-

“Lloyd, there you are!”

A head of blonde hair bounded towards him, donning a smile that was just as elated as his. In her hands she held a satchel, likely containing the remainder of their victory prizes. Not that they were in any dire need of the rewards; traveling was kinder to those who were minimalists, and extra baggage never helped their cause. Still, Lloyd was never one to turn down the kindness of others, and he was sure they could find some use for whatever they’d received.

Colette slowed to a stop, tucking her hair behind her ear as a perplexed inquisitiveness overtook her face. “Why are you sitting by yourself over here? Everyone’s looking for you.”

Had it been Genis or anyone else, he’d have whipped up some excuse for his solitude, but the concept of lying to Colette tugged at every nerve ending capable of feeling guilt, and he resorted to timidly rubbing the back of his head with his free hand. “I just needed a minute to myself. I was still thinking about the fight.”

She wordlessly cocked her head to the side before taking a seat next to him, placing the goods to the side. “But you and I won, right? So why don’t you look as happy?”

He grinned, though he imagined it lacked the full elation she was hinting at. “Well, I am glad we won, don’t get me wrong. It’s just, afterwards, when the announcer handed you the mic, you…” The memory of Colette grabbing the microphone and taking his hand in her free one, and recalling that familiar phrase she’d coerced him into reciting together, brought about a blush that carried with it a mountain of embarrassment.

His humiliation appeared lost on her as she turned to face her whole body towards him. “You mean when we said the Dwarven Vow?”

Dwarven Vow #7: Goodness and love will always win. “It’s always so embarrassing saying that, especially in front of a whole crowd.” He could see that she still didn’t get it, so he shifted to face her as well. “I don’t think it’s a bad vow, and I don’t disagree with it. It’s just, y’know...it was because we said that one, when it was just you and me.”

“Is it a bad thing?”

“No, not at all! But, well, us two, together saying that goodness and...and love, will always win.” He was thankful that he could so easily cast the blame for his reddened cheeks on embarrassment from the vow. Trying to convey to Colette why his voice suddenly strained to stop from cracking would be a nightmare.

A cross between a pout and disappointment anchored Colette’s lips, her gaze falling. “Oh. So...do you not like saying it with me?”

“That’s not it at all!” His cadence shattered the apprehension within him, along with pulling her eyes up to meet his. The breath he inhaled was thick, and his tongue felt heavy, but he reached deep down and pulled out the courage he’d relied on throughout their whole journey. “It’s not that I hate the vow, or that I don’t want to say it with you. It’s...it’s the love part. With you and I.”

Mental gears that should’ve kickstarted a few sentences ago finally began to whir, and tints of pink finally warmed her cheeks. “You and I, and love?” The inner motors reached full speed and suddenly she knew exactly what he was implying. “W-well, I have an idea that might make it easier!”

“What kind of idea?”

Her normal habit of covering up her fluster with a smile was failing her, her lips contorting in all manner of sheepish as she interlaced her fingers. “Well, if you and I are together, you can be the goodness, and I’ll be the love.”

Colette encompassing love was the entire issue in the first place, and the swelter in the air was a quick reminder that the butterflies in his stomach had refused to settle down. “I don’t really know how that’s supposed to work.”

She blinked, rolling her eyes back and putting her finger to her chin. “Uh...hm...I don’t really know, either, but I thought maybe if the love part was too embarrassing, I could take care of that.”

Compassion and kindness warmed her words, and miraculously Lloyd’s heart was more touched than discomposed at her gesture. His free hand landed on hers, his throat hitching at the feeling of her small fingers fitting perfectly inside his. “Colette, even if it’s embarrassing, I’d…”

Articulation was suddenly nonexistent as the words sat in his head, but refused to make their way to his vocal cords. All semblances of courage had vanished, as the irony suddenly slapped him that he, the coliseum champion, was now more scared with his swords sheathed than brandished. It was Colette squeezing his fingers back that kickstarted his voice, that smile of hers attentive and...hopeful?

“I’d, well...want to win with goodness and love if it was with you.”

If anyone had ever told him that bashfulness and shock could have its own specific expression, up until a few seconds ago he wouldn’t have believed them. It was entirely possible that her eyes, blue as water, were going to start boiling from the blaze raging below in her scorched cheeks. Her bottom lip all but vanished, held hostage between her teeth as the corners of her mouth slowly stretched up towards her ears. Wordlessly she leaned in closer, her lips touching his cheek. It was only for a moment, but it was long enough for him to put on his matching cheeks, his voice box going out of order.

Resting her forehead against his temple her whisper wafted into his ear. “I’d really like that too, Lloyd.”

xxxxx

Outside of wishing it was a bit longer, I’m actually SOOO happy with this story. I feel like, of all the ones I’ve written so far, THIS one is the closest to matching what I felt and what I was going for, both in terms of the emotion and the writing quality itself. I love this fic SO much. <3

[sage-nebula]

If you're still doing the ship meme, could you do colloyd, rinshi, bonrin, and izumo/shiemi? you could choose one or do them all if you'd like. :]

Of course, especially since you asked so nicely. ♥

Colloyd:

ship: ew / nonono / eh / maybe / ship it / aww / otp / MY HEART

I’m nowhere near active in Tales Series fandom anymore, but I’ve shipped Lloyd and Colette since the very first time I played Tales of Symphonia. They work together so very, very well, and the level of care and genuine love that they have for each other is practically tangible. Although you can ship Lloyd with whoever you want thanks to the affection system, it’s rather clear that the game steers him toward Colette. She starts with 500 base affection for him (while everyone else starts at 0), and in the first visit to the Tower of Salvation, Lloyd lists himself separately from the other important people in Colette’s life:

“Colette, stop! If you sacrifice yourself, your friends who love you, and your family, and---and me---we’ll all be sad. It’ll be the same as sacrificing all of us!”

Scott Menville’s acting really comes through here in the English version, because of the way he puts emphasis on the word me during Lloyd’s little speech. But the point is the same regardless: Lloyd mentions Colette’s friends and family, and then he mentions himself, meaning that he sees himself as standing separate from her friends and family. While some people try to joke (or try to seriously say, if they’re fandumb) that Lloyd just doesn’t want anything to do with Colette, that’s obviously not the case. Rather, it’s instead heavily implied that Lloyd has feelings for her. Colette has her friends, she has her family . . . and she has him, as something different but still important. They’re not a couple at this time, obviously, but this is a scene that is not affected or changed by the affection system, meaning that canon does want to push them together. (So for everyone who was upset about the OVA, the manga, the audio dramas . . . sorry guys, but this was written on the table for a long, long time.)

I will admit that as much as I do love them together, it’s been a long time since I’ve exclusively shipped them. Truthfully, I prefer to put them in an OT3 with Zelos, and I think they work really well like that, too. But OT3s don’t work unless all three combinations within the OT3 all love each other, which means that of course I ship Lloyd/Colette as well. Of course I do. They’re wonderful. ♥

Rin/Shiemi:

ship: ew / nonono / eh / maybe / ship it / aww / otp / MY HEART

Come to think of it, the Rin/Shiemi ship has some in common with Lloyd/Colette, doesn’t it? It’s a similar dynamic. It’s not exactly the same, since the characters themselves are different, but I think there are enough similarities there that I can see why, if you ship one, you might end up shipping the other. And I do ship both in this case.

Rin/Shiemi is an example of a shounen relationship really done right, which sadly is a rarity in the genre. (Like, I would say that BlueEx is up there with FMA on this one.) Rin and Shiemi are very clearly being written as friends first; they were strangers when they met, and although Rin developed a crush on her straight away, it’s also obvious that he didn’t actually know her and has been happily taking the time to get to do so. Likewise, Shiemi didn’t have a crush on anyone, and has instead been taking the time to get to know Rin as a very cherished friend. They care about each other so much, love spending time together, support and offer strength for each other. It’s not at all one-sided; just as much as Rin protects and inspires Shiemi, Shiemi also protects and inspires Rin. He says himself that he wouldn’t have had the confidence to defeat the Impure King without the support she had given him earlier, when she told him that his flames were warm and weren’t burning her at all. People who say that Shiemi is helpless, or that she doesn’t care about or support Rin are flat out wrong. Shiemi is one of the strongest characters in the series, a fact acknowledged by Izumo. She needs more confidence in herself, but that’s it.

So yes, this is a fantastic ship, and I’m thrilled that the mangaka is letting it be a slow burn, right down to the fact that Shiemi has (for now) turned down Rin because she doesn’t think she’s good enough to be with him yet (baby no :( ). They’re still young, and they’ll get there, and they’re taking the time to grow closer and I think that’s great. It’s a fantastic ship.

Bon/Rin:

ship: ew / nonono / eh / maybe / ship it / aww / otp / MY HEART

But this one is fantastic, too! Bon and Rin have such a healthy rivalry. Their rivalry doesn’t make either one of them feel bad, doesn’t drag them down, doesn’t make them insecure or depressed or afraid. Rather, it inspires them. Rin thinks Bon is so beyond cool and is inspired to be just like him, and Bon, likewise, finds Rin to be inspiring (if frustrating at how self-sacrificing he is), and pushes himself so that he can make sure that he’s on Rin’s level. They inspire and strengthen each other, encourage each other in their own way. And I love so much how neither one is the typical ~*~tough manly guy~*~, that they each have their moments of insight, and for this ship specifically I love so much how Bon is so often able to see through Rin’s false bravado, how he notices when Rin is feeling scared or insecure, how he supports him. He supported him during their fight against the Impure King when he noticed that Rin was trying to be optimistic for his sake. He supported him after when he told him, “You don’t have to beg to take a picture.” Like? It was subtle enough not to embarrass Rin, but it also reassured him. That’s just the kind of support Rin needs and I love it.

Also, not for nothing, but Shiemi and Bon were the first two who decided to go bust Rin out of jail when they learned he was scheduled for execution. Yes, the Impure King had to go, but they did that for Rin’s sake. Bon even straight up tells him that he’s pissed that Rin is always trying to act like he has to do everything himself, that the reason for his anger is because Rin didn’t trust him with this secret even though they’re supposed to be a team. Like, Shiemi and Bon were there for him and I believe they always would be. Tbh? They’d make a damn good OT3, I’m js.

Shiemi/Izumo:

ship: ew / nonono / eh / maybe / ship it / aww / otp / MY HEART

I’m not as passionate about this one, but I like it a lot!! I didn’t think I would at first; Izumo was so cruel to Shiemi when they first met, so much so that Paku called her out on it (and Rin tried to get Shiemi to stop being “friends” with Izumo), but she has developed since then and has come so far. And like so many other things in this series, it has been handled with the grace of a slow burn; we see Izumo slowly coming around, both in that she sees how wrong she was, and also that she has grown to care about and appreciate Shiemi more and more as the series has gone on. She appreciates Shiemi’s sincerity, her inner strength, her kindness and compassion. She tries, in her own way, to extend some of that herself. And Shiemi recognizes this. Shiemi might not be as experienced as others when it comes to making friends, but she’s not stupid. She can tell that Izumo hasn’t liked her for the longest time, she knows that she was being used before. But she persists because, I think, she also holds out hope that Izumo will like her in time, that they can be friends, and even if not---well, that doesn’t matter to her. As she says, even if Izumo hates her, she still likes Izumo. She’s going to be kind and friendly toward her because that’s who she is, because that’s what she feels is right, because she feels that Izumo is worth that. Shiemi’s not dumb, she’s true to herself and her feelings. And Izumo recognizes that, and that’s what helps her along toward changing her opinion.

I think this is a really, really well-done relationship, and I think they would be absolutely adorable together, so I definitely ship this as well. Really, Blue Exorcist is full of so many good ships, because so many of the relationships are well-written and well-developed. It’s a great series and I’m so happy I’ve found it.