#some dialouge from episode 4 of the podcast show

[angelyuji]

a gift from the horse's mouth

cw // some spoilers from Harley Quinn and the Joker: Sound Mind, some dialouge from episode 4, joker is a creep, nothing too crazy

hehee im on my 18th relisten of my favorite podcast show ever. this is a niche interest in the harley quinn fandom but i just love love love this version of harley so much (if people like this, i might write more idk)

"come on, doc. one ride." joker's hand goes around your waist. he starts to the pull you to the carousel, gesturing to harleen to follow him. you let him drag you onto the ride, not wanting to ruin things for harleen.

"money, mr. j. i need the money." her voice was firm, but her eyes followed you, aware of your predicament.

"yes, yes, money, shmoney. what am i, chopped liver?" joker mumbles. he moves to pick you up, but you step back.

"what're you doing?" you try to put some distance between yourself and the clown.

"we're taking a ride, (y/n). isn't that obivious?" he tilts his head. he notices your hesitation and steps closer, "or.... if you want, we can do something else... you know what they say," he smirks, "save a horse, ride a cowboy."

you roll your eyes, "nevermind, just help me onto a horse." he picks you up by the waist to place you onto a horse. he kisses the back of your hand before hopping onto the same horse, pressing himself against your back. you look over to see harleen, watching the two of you interact.

"doctor quinzellllll, get on! i robbed a bank for you, y'know? godd, the things i do for love... just one ride." he grins and leans his chin on your shoulder. he murmurs into your ear, "you're sooo nice and warm," his arms wrap around your waist, "i can see why our harleen loves you so much."

"she's not "ours" and she's not some thing to own, joker." you try to move away from his chest, but joker just laughs at your weak attempt and pulls you closer to him.

"come on, baby, lighten up. i'm just saying, i'm okay with being shared between the two of you." he presses a kiss to your shoulder and you flinch.

"don't touch them, joker." harleen manages to get onto the moving ride, annoyance clearly written on her face.

"uh oh, nurse (y/n), i think the doctor is jealous." he giggles as harleen gets onto the black horse next to the two of you. you hear her huff, getting onto the horse. “good girl.” he smiles, joyfully. joker starts to go on about his mother.

harleen interrupts, "what do you want, joker? what do you want from us?" she speaks firmly, not interested in his talk. you feel his arms get tighter around you in frustration before relaxing back.

"it's not about what i want! it's about sharing a moment, all three of us! getting..." he leans in close to whisper into your ear, "real." shivers go down your spine and you elbow him in retaliation. he laughs, loud. "easy there, tiger. i'm very fragile." he lets go of you to mockingly rub where you hit him. he wraps his arms around you again, pulling you closer onto his lap.

"joker." her rage is thinly concealed and she gets off the horse. "this!" she claps, "has been really great." she lets out a breath, gesturing to you to come to her. "but we've got to get back. my father-" you feel his grip loosen and you scramble off to harleen's side.

"godddd," joker groans, "snoreee. what about us?" joker practically whines, reaching out to the two of you dramatically. "when's our next hang session? when are we gonna get that threesome scheduled?" he pretends to flip through a notebook and looks to you for a laugh.

you roll your eyes and harleen heisitates, you speak for her, "harleen needs to be with her father right now, joker." she nods.

"ahhh, you two want to take it sloww. a couple dates, walks in the parks, i see i see." he nods, "sooo no threesome... at least not yet." he smirks.

"i just need to be with my dad so, if i could just get that money..." harleen tries to placate the jester.

"i see how it is. i'm just a dollar sign to you, huh?" the both of you try to deny it, "no no! i give you the money and bam! you're gone, abandoning me!" he gets off the horse, dramaticaly leaning on the pole

"no, no! harleen and i, we are so grateful, mister j!" you force a smile, reaching to touch his hand. he grabs it and pulls you into a crushing hug. you let out a muffled yelp in surprise.

harleen pauses for a second before contining, "how about this, give me your name and number and i promise- we promise to call you. after my dad's surgery, i'll be fully present and we'll get together a-and we'll have all the time in the world." you could hear the quiet desperation in her voice as you, and the money, were held hostage by the clown.

he hums, rubbing your back, and lets go, "it's a deal. here." he hands the both of you a card from his back pocket. 'dirk mcdongle's pleasure palace' you don't ask for an explaination, eager to get out. harleen asks for the money once more and joker pats himself down. "i don't have it! you do!" he laughs, "or at least... your horse does." he starts to ramble on about some phrase, but you watch as harleen practically scrambles to grab the bag of money from the horse's mouth. she practically collapses from relief and you hold her by the waist.

"we should get going." you interrupt his insane ramble and he smiles, reaching out a hand. you force yourself to hold your hand. he presses a small kiss on the back and straightens it to bite your finger lightly. you snatch it back and help harleen walk out.

"don't forget! dirk dongle's! we put the ass! in pal-ass!" you could hear his cackle ringing in your ear even as the two of you drive away.