#some days I just can’t art jeebus

[zuzuelectricbugaloo]

I’m dying this is no good please ignore this but it’s at least something I’m sorry 🥲

Crepictober Day 7: Sparring

Dude and bruh resnacfing some of their favorite Star Wars scenes because they’re nerds in love. Which is cute. My art is not xD it is very mid. If this came on your dash and you saw it I’m sorry

[thegeekerynj]

All Death Metal Review (And nothing from Sweden!)

Death Metal: Trinity Crisis One Shot 

Writer: Scott Snyder   Artist: Francis Manapul

‘And who are YOU supposed to be? I’ve faced enough Dark Knights that no Batman scares me anymore!

Ha! Then it’s a good thing I’m not a Batman! I’m his MOTHER!’

———————————————————————————————————

Sweet Christmas! That took me by surprise!

Harley kissing Jonah Hex, that was really sweet, and gods awful creepy, and kinda gross,  after the exchange, and some thought…

This is it, Gentle Readers… the Beginning of the End of the Beginning of… Oh, crap, now I’m lost… This is where the story starts rockin’!

The Gang’s all together, and the Black Lantern Bat has determined what they need to do.

The plan? Split up, naturally. That AL-ways works…

When we left them in DM #3, the Lanterns are protecting the Home Base, and taking out the Crisis Energy Antennae on the Earths left in the known Universes, The Flashes are off and running through the Speed Force, trying to find Metron, and stay ahead of the Bathattan who Laughs, while the Trinity (Superman / Antilife, Black Lantern Batman and  Warden Wonder Woman) along with Swamp Thing, Harley, Hex and Jarro, head for Castle Bat, to gain access to the Crisis Earths, where the Crisis Energy is being harvested for Perpetua.

**WHEW!**

Getting into the Castle involves getting past an army of Dark Knights… and we have a bunch of real winners here! 

Bat Monday - Salomon Grundy in Bat ears, I could have busted a gut laughing, until I thought about what kind of weapon a zombie with Batman’s training could be, and shivered…

Kull, the daughter of Batman and Wonder Woman, corrupted by the Dark Universe…

Ark, the living embodiment of Arkham, with all of the knowledge and abilities of ALL her worst inmates…

Chiroptor, the amalgam of Batman and Chemo (Great Elder Gods!!)… 

And the Pearl, Martha Wayne, in the equivalent of HellBat Armor, complete with her iconic pearl necklace.

This is a real mindscrew for Batman, and the panels depict it, most intently.

One nice thing about Scott Snyder… he is consistent about tying up loose ends. Once we are in Castle Bat, we find out what happened to Barbatos, the Big Bad from Dark Nights: Metal. Not that we were actually wondering, since we got Perpetual, and the Batman Who Laughs, but, like I said, it ties up the package nicely.

Then, we are introduced to the character I have been most happily waiting for… the Robin King, and his Utility Belt of Death!

Gentle Readers, this is the story we have been waiting for, the chapter which tells us what the Heroes Plan of Action is, and where the story has been going, for over 40 years. You see, the opening page of this book tells us where this story began… with Marv Wolfman and George Perez, and Crisis on Infinite Earths!

Not to spoil too much, but Crisis, Infinite Crisis, and Final Crisis, ]well… they have all played a part in getting us to this story. It seems, the “Crisis Energy’ has fed Perpetua while she was trapped within the Source Wall, and, now, she wants it all, so she can recreate the Universes in her image.

Great job, if you can get it…

I can’t say enough good things about this story and artwork, as Snyder and Manapul have put together a really tight, hard hitting bottle / lead story, bringing us to the next step in the saga… 

Jeebus on a popsicle stick, I hope no one lets me down… that will hurt!

Out of 5🌶        🌶🌶🌶🌶.5

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Death Metal: Multiverse’s End #1

Writer: James Tynion IV   Artist: Juan Gedeon

‘Mr. Rabbit?

Yes, Young Lady?

Thank you for saving me.

What a kind thing to say! It was so scary out there, and you stayed so brave. I don’t think I could have done it without your courage.

You’re really, really soft.

I use a special carrot shampoo.

———————————————————————————————————

Once upon a time, about a million, bazillion years ago in cranky fat man years, somewhere around 1982, Roy Thomas and Scott Shaw! brought Earth-C into the DC Multiverse, the earth of anthropomorphic animals… yes, they brought Super-Hero Cartoon Animals to the Super Hero Universe.

Our introduction to this Earth was Rodney Rabbit, a comics writing and drawing hare, who created the Just’a Lotta Animals comic by day, and was Captain Carrot, a Superman-esque rabbit, who got his powers from super charged carrots, when danger struck.

But, I digress… because I got really excited!

So, we have teams on the 6 Earths, each Earth holding a tuning fork, focusing the psychic pain energy of the population to Perpetual, powering her attempts to recreate the Multiverse in her image. The Earths in play, Earth - 3 (Crime Syndicate), Earth - X (Nazi Earth), Earth - 29 (Bizarroworld), Earth - 43 (Blood League World) and Earth - 50 (Justice Lords Earth) are all worlds of pain and suffering.

Their energy is the right flavor for destroying, and creating.

The heroes, organized and led by the Green Lanterns of Sector 2814 (Hal Jordan, Guy Gardner, John Stewart, Kyle Rayner, Jessica Cruz, Simon Baz), are working to take down the Antennae before the energy can be fed to Perpetual to power her Cosmic Undoing. 

So, teamed with the Lanterns, we have Hawkgirl, Kid Flash (Earth-22), President Superman (Earth-23), Wonder Woman (Earth-6) and Captain Carrot, all hellbent on stopping the respective Antennae.

The problem… Each Earth’s inhabitants have been laced into the antennae, to directly feed the psychic energy to it..since the energy is effectively terror, well, what better way to induce some? Of course, this isn’t the only problem to be contended with…

Leave it to James Tynion IV to come up with a way to make a villain creepier than the Batman Who Laughs… How, you ask? Well, take the true polar opposite of Batman, and make him realize HE IS what Giggles says he is, and you have an interesting new ballgame.

You see, while the Batman who Laughs is the Ultimate CORRUPTED Batman, Owlman is the Anthesis of Batman, the purest EVIL to the Batman’s GOOD. And he plans to make sure that he continues to be the True Opposite…

Gedeon’s artwork is rough, but considering the story being told, and the pain portrayed by the characters, it fits, perfectly. Some times, I see Joe Staton and Nic Cuti in these pages, a little cartoony, but that’s not a complaint… The story concentrates a bunch on Guy Gardner and Cap, so, it seems to fit (and the art is reminiscent of the ‘A Guy and his G’Nort’ storyline from 1991). 

All in all, a very good story, and a fantastic use of a truly underused treasure.

Out of 5🌶        🌶🌶🌶🌶

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Speed Metal #1

Writer: Joshua Williamson   Pencils: Eddy Barrow   Inks: Eber Ferreira

‘Hey, Flash Family, Is it true a Flash has to die in every Crisis?!’

———————————————————————————————————

And the levels of snark from the Darkest Knight have reached Epic Levels!

The first three pages of this issue give us a rehash of everything  having to do with Wally West, since the beginning of the Rebirth Era, from Barry pulling Wally out of the Speed Force, to Barry and Batman finding the Comedian’s Smiley Face button embedded in the Batcave wall, to the events of Heroes in Crisis and Flash Forward.

The action picks up as Barry, Wally, Wallace and Jay leave the Batman’s Vault, in search of Metron’s Chair, with the Darkest Knight hot on their trails. 

In the Speed Force.

With the Darkest Knight’s presence corrupting the Speed Force, Barry and Wally bickering the entire time, I’m reminded of why I hated the post Crisis Flash… Wally wasn’t mature enough to wear the mantle of Barry’s fame.

Sure, he had the speed, he was even faster than Barry, but he was still the same jealous little kid inside, the one who needed to be patted on the head, the one who couldn’t get on with the Titans, even though he was probably the most powerful of them. 

He was just an immature kid, and here, Williamson dragged that all into the foreground once again.

All so Wally West, the King of the Redemption Arc, could have another Redemption Arc…

Sorry, that did me in. 

The rest of the story is pretty good… the art is wonderful, the Jay / Barry / Wallace interplay is really kinda neat, and all the Black Flashes… well, I’m a sucker for Death icons, so a mass of Death Speedsters, well that’s fun with a CAPITAL F!

But, did we need another Wally gets to whine story?

Sorry, this wasn’t the finest arc of the Death Metal Saga.

Out of 5🌶        🌶🌶🌶

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Death Metal #4 ‘Shot In The Dark’

Writer: Scott ‘Scream King’ Snyder   Artist: Greg ‘The Muscle’ Capullo  Inks: Jonathan ‘Bloodied’ Glapion

“So, ever wonder why you never see A Harley Who Laughs’?’

———————————————————————————————————

And, that Gentle Readers, is the crux of one of those puzzles about this series… Why don’t we ever see more twisted versions of the Villains who infest Earth Prime?

The Robin King (this is the character who rates SECOND on my memorable Characters list, especially with his own One-Shot—— Who’s First?? Time, Gentle Ones in time…) puts the explanation out there, and it is very simple.

And worth the read… But, I digress.

So, Issue 4 picks up with Sergeant Rock describing what has been happening on Earth - Prime, and we finally get to see who has been carrying him around… AMBUSH BUG! Yes, the character that made the Fourth Wall more transparent than an open Anderson window has been carrying Rock around as his own personal narrator…

Which, if you know the Bug, is a joke unto itself.

So, here we go, the ride is picking up steam, and we are now following 6, count’em SIX, separate story lines. A guy could get whiplash, or Bullwhip or some other third rate character… But, I digress.

We have the Trinity storyline, the SpeedMetal storyline, Multiverse’s End, and the Lantern Storyline from the last issue, the Justice League / Legion of Doom story… am I forgetting anything? 

Oh, and of course, the Robin King.

Where to start with this… I guess the simplest place to start is the artwork.

Greg Capullo’s pencils are absolutely wonderful. For anybody who it's to watch the process of drawing I want to watch so he's got a really wonderful touch I recommend Greg Capullo’s Instagram site. As he's drawing pages for these books, he posts the pencils as he finishes pieces of the process . Normally, he has six or seven photo panels showing exactly what he's been doing.  In man cases, this involves crowd scenes, with extensive detail. His work is beautiful, it’s easy to see why he is such a sought after talent.

Jonathan Glapion’s inks on Capullo’s pencils are comparable to Austin on Byrne, and Janson over Miller, Janson over Colan… Enhancing, and not hiding the intricate detail rendered in the pencils, adding that last flash of lightning to bring it all together. The balance struck between them is almost organic, a constant growth between the two, bringing them to levels bordering on the true Classic Art teams of the last 50 years.

I do not make these comparisons lightly

Now, to the story. Scott Snyder is powering a roller coaster with a rocket sled. The coordination between the different aspects of these stories is both intricate and daring. With all the different aspects of this story spinning like plates on sticks, Snyder juggles the plot lines, and what is left to him by the myriad of writers as Emmet Kelly did in the heyday of Ringling Brothers.

His deft touch, and subtle influences are balanced by lace covered sledgehammer blows, leaving the reader reeling, and wanting so very much more.

Scott Snyder, much like Tom Taylor, has pulled out all the stops, cut the brake lines, kicked out the jams, insert favorite euphemism for creating a high speed, non-stop mad ride to Hell!

And, much to my wallet’s chagrin, I am very happy about it.

Now, as it crosses to other books, and other writers pick up the reins, I am sure Snyder will still be the whip hand driving the story, not allowing some of these writers to go too far astray (unless it’s Tom King… then, well Woo Hoooo!)

I can’t say enough good things about this story, or the team creating it. I’m beginning t feel a little biased, but, what the heck.

Out of 5🌶        🌶🌶🌶🌶.5

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Death Metal: Robin King #1 ‘The Robin Who Would Be King’

Writer: Peter J. Tomasi   Artist: Riley Rossmo

‘Aw! Come on, this is the fun part!

Get up and let’s FIGHT!’

———————————————————————————————————

Games, within games, within games…

So, the Batman who Laughs wasn’t infallible.

And the Robin King is going to be the bigger threat to the Darkest Knight than any combination of the Trinity, Flashes or their cohorts.

At least, that’s my takeaway from this issue.

We continue the story of the Robin King, as started in the Tales of the Dark Universe one shot.  Bruce has grown up, and grown into his sociopathy, and genius. He has used the family fortune to get all the training necessary, and to accumulate all the tools, to begin his reign as the true Evil Overlord of Gotham.

Utilizing his accumulated weapons, he has taken out Commissioner Gordon, Firestorm, Animal Man, Adam Strange Blue Beetle (Ted Kord), and the Red Tornado, all in truly spectacular and extraordinarily grisly fashion.

While the Black Hole Implosion for Firestorm was a particularly well thought out death, I think, so far, the ‘Mortal Coil’ Death, for the Red Tornado was the most imaginative… making his powers totally uncontrollable, while moving him closer to his ultimate dream, to be a real person, before his form totally destroys itself from the stresses of his own speed.

Marvelous! Fantastic! Gross!

Enter the Batman who Laughs, with the proposition to make the Robin King special, one of his own…

But, he’s a Robin, so, off to the Groblin Pit he goes!

Hence, his mistake, and possibly another chink in the boiler plate of his plans… since Bruce Wayne is NO Robin!

Peter Tomasi’s scripting for this issue is simply remarkable. The creep factor he brings to this iteration of Bruce Wayne is almost eviscerating. Reading this was painful to my eyes and psyche, feeling the levels of insanity drip off the page, and scratch across my mind like a little bird’s unnaturally sharp talons.

He really hit all the horror factors.

Then, there was the artwork for this story. Riley Rossmo’s artwork set the mood for this story. His shattered pencil / inks style, which can be distracting, was integral to telling this story. It allowed the Reader to view this story as if it were playing out in Bruce’s mind, its all the fracturing being how he is viewing the world.

For me, this story has been the highlight of the series… thus far. I am anticipating this, which is near the midpoint of things, is setting up the Wednesday Night Episode…so, - 

Tune In, Gentle Readers! 

Same Bat-Time

Same Bat Channel!

The Best Is Yet To Come!

Did I neglect there is a B-story, with Signal, Spoiler, Orphan and Red Robin taking on Quietus, the amalgam of Batman Ras’ al Ghul and Duke Thimas, from another Dark Universe, written by Tony Patrick and drawn by Daniel Sampere?

This story brings in a plot line for ‘What’s happening for the Other Bat-Family Elements’, as they try to find their way through Castle Bat’s myriad streets… 

I am guessing we will start to see more of these stories.

I am completely fine with this, rather than having to recap things later…

Out of 5🌶        🌶🌶🌶🌶.5

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 508

I mean, shame on me for allowing myself to get my hopes up that the show might have turned a corner last week. I should know better by now.

At least Young Ian’s back. And Marsali had a nice moment. And that’s about all I have to say about this episode that’s positive. I swear to fuck, this show hates Claire as much as the author of the books does. Where the fuck is the lead protagonist, show? Can she come back? Can she get a story line of her own that’s more than just a random scene every few episodes, please? And can Bree please be given something to fucking do that doesn’t involve Roger, Jemmy or rape? Does Fergus still even live on the Ridge?

But yeah, I guess let’s just all watch the episode twice so our dumb lady!brains can understand that Matt’s stupid silent movie gimmick was actually ~ArT~ and not, you know, a stupidly bad creative choice. Seriously, fuck that guy.

I can’t tell you how much idgaf about watching Roger teach. Also, Bree’s like his students’ age since she was in college too. So really all this bit is doing is to make me skeeved out about their age difference.

“Can you tell me why anyone would go to the trouble of burying one?” he said, condescendingly, like the doucherocket he is. Do not disrespect Young Ian like that, asshat.

“People live and die by their words.” *gestures to the beautiful shitposts on this hellsite* sure jan dot gif.

I already want to fastforward.

Would 100% rather sit through a lecture on suspension bridges than watch silent movies, tbh.

Hate the title card. Hate this whole gimmick.

Hate.

HAAAAATE.

Roger got hanged. Roger was dumb, Buck was an abusive and toxic fuckwad. But still, Roger got hanged and this is how we find out he’s alive and how he was saved?

It should be this big emotional moment. It should make me feel a thing in spite of myself. But nope! Gotta do this fucking silent movie thing. Which is hilariously terrible. And I laughed at it the whole time. In a mean and judgey fashion. What a craptastic creative choice. Whoever’s idea that was is a fucking idiot. *stares at a certain pompous af showrunner*

Ok but for real though, does LJG just like live in North Carolina now? Why is he always around, besides, you know, so we don’t forget he’s a character who exists.

For real though, he lives in Virginia and gets more screen time than fucking Fergus and Marsali who live fucking next door.

At least writing this recap is gonnna be quick and easy since they waste so much time re-showing the stupid silent movie footage.

Yes, I know, they’re trying to show Roger’s PTSD. Which involves flashbacks. And gradually turn it to color once he’s like come to terms with what happened and starts to move forward. But the execution is so bad that the whole arc is wasted because it’s just so poorly done.

Oh hey! A Claire and Bree scene! I love those. Except oh wait, it aggressively fails the Bechdel Test.

I JUST WANT THE FUCKING WOMEN ON THIS SHOW TO HAVE SOMETHING TO DO THAT’S COMPLETELY FUCKING SEPARATE FROM THE MEN. ARGH.

Jocasta singing at Murtz’s cairn is a reminder that everyone should check out MDK’s music.

And her wearing the necklace Murtz gave her makes the existence of show!Duncan even dumber. Like oh hey, new husband, don’t mind me, just mourning my dead boyfriend and wearing his jewelry. But it’s totally normal since my niece-in-law still wears her abusive ex-husband’s ring.

Sorry, show!Duncan, but a more pointless character was never included. Show!Duncan wins the prize for most BeCaUsE tHe BoOk dumbassery.

Repeatedly showing what’s basically a snuff film is...a choice.

LJG has no sense of personal space when it comes to the Frasers. And it’s fucking creepy.

Oh look, another scene where all Claire gets to do is comfort someone about a man.

*BANGS FIST ON TABLE* GIVE CLAIRE BEAUCHAMP THE STORY LINES SHE DESERVES.

Jemmy aged like 3 years in the 3 month time jump.

Ok, I totally get why Roger hadn’t spoken yet. But once he did, the seal was broken. Not talking after he yelled to stop Jemmy, even a little bit, is just a dick move. Not that he’d be magically better. But he like refuses to even take baby steps.

CAN WE PLEASE GET THROUGH AN EPISODE WITHOUT A MUSICAL INTERLUDE. I FUCKING HATE THE CLEMENTINE SONG.

GRANNIE CLAIRE AND GRANDA JAMIE ARE MY FAVE.

OMFG AN ARROW. THAT CLEARLY MEANS...YOUNG IANNNNN!!!!!

So glad he’s back. So fucking glad. Yes, it means one more character to dilute how much time we can spend with any given person, but it’s a character that I like so hopefully he takes away from some of the time given to ones I don’t like?

Aaand Roger can’t even bring himself to try to talk to the guy who gave himself up in his place. Fuck Roger.

Claire does a better job at first than Jamie at picking up the vibes Young Ian is putting off, but like, for two people who are supposed to be emotionally intelligence, neither of them do a good job at first of really *seeing* Ian.

John Bell is really good in this episode.

Omfg Marsali has tarot cards. She’s like leaning full on into being the white witch’s apprentice and I fucking love her so much.

Also, the Hanged Man card is representative of self-sacrifice and martyrdom rather than like being actually hanged as a punishment. But whatevs.

Ok I think the reason Jenny yelling at Jamie to snap out of it in S3 bugged me where this scene with Bree yelling at Roger doesn’t is because sibling dynamic is completely different than spouses where both of them have gone through something unimaginable.

That he can’t even say anything here. Or give her any kind of sign that he’s still in there is a dick move. He *can* speak. He knows that now. So does everyone else. He’s actively choosing not to. Even to say that he just needs more time to work through his shit. No one’s asking him to be a chatterbox and totally back to normal.

Young Ian just sitting there while everyone else does grace is literally me at every family holiday.

Oh look, a wild Fergus appeared!

Ok, I never got the surveying thing. Wouldn’t the land already be registered? Since they were given the paperwork and shit for it from the governor? I know there was some bit about it in the book about keeping it after the Revolution but like, who the fuck else are they registering it with that would make a difference? The gov’t is still the English gov’t?

“But there are things you keep hidden from others. You and Claire both.” Ok, can he please be talking about time travel? I mean, I know he’s talking about his wife and their miscarriages, but I just want someone else to know about time travel already please and thank you.

HOW THE FUCK IS MARSALI STILL PREGNANT?! SHE’S BEEN PREGNANT FOR LIKE A FUCKTON OF TIME.

Fuck yeah not-Catholic-anymore-Ian. No grace, talking about the creator in a way that isn’t explicitly the christian god. Good job, kid.

My parents called me to say happy easter and I had to be like, uh, you remember that I don’t celebrate that, right?

Happy Zombie!Jeebus Appreciation Day to all the still christian people. And happy chance to have fun with burner zoom accounts named Elijiah to the jewish folks.

Jokes aside, the scene with Young Ian and Marsali was really nice and Marsali remains a fucking saint. It’s nice that Young Ian has someone who like actually gets what it’s like to find a home in a group of strangers.

Oh Claire, think more highly of your assistant. Also, what a clunky fucking way to be like oh hey, one of the emo!bros is gonna try to off themselves.

Ok but with the paper airplane now too, can we please show Young Ian finding out about time travel? Please?

Ok, but Claire automatically jumping to Roger wanting to off himself with her herbs... It’s making me judge both of them a little that neither picked up on just how clearly Young Ian was suffering. Like come the fuck on, y’all. It wasn’t subtle.

Also, can we please have more Adso?

SOMEONE GIVE YOUNG IAN A HUG! NO, NOT YOU, ROGER! SOMEONE GOOD!

Yada yada yes they both have been through something shitty and call me a biased asshole, but I can’t bring myself to feel anything about Roger and I feel all the things about Young Ian.

So Roger won’t talk when his wife begs, but he’ll talk when someone calls him on his bullshit. Cool. Cool cool cool. Nice dude.

NO ONE WAS ASKING FOR THE OLD ROGER, YOU TWATWAFFLE. THEY WERE ASKING FOR *A* ROGER. INSTEAD OF A ZOMBIE.

Again, there’s more to that tarot card than a literal hanged man, but whatever, show.

Oh thank fuck the episode is finally over. Expectations are back down in the gutter for the rest of the season. Please pleasantly surprise me, show, but I will not make the mistake again of thinking you’re actually gonna be consistently good again.

[jlf23tumble]

1D Day, Hour Three

Almost halfway through this hour, which is almost halfway through this day, is the point where Louis Tomlinson stops having fucks left to give and starts getting real. He’s still a professional throughout hour three (not like Harry in hour two, oof), but god, how??? Everything here is a disaster, and it’s infuriating when you consider that a) this must have been somewhat planned out (the band is HUGE, allegedly 32 million people are watching), and b) it’s being produced in LA, presumably with easy access to professionals who have had some experience with live shows (since, what, the 1930s???). Anyway, I would have loved to hear the choice words Louis no doubt had for Ben Winston when he ran away during one of the Google+ Hangouts, lmao.

When I first watched this two years back, Niall’s nervous laughter nearly drove me insane, but this time around, I’m loving the subtle nuances w/r/t wtf is happening on this here day as Louis’s rage starts to climb and Niall’s Slytherin core starts to emerge. Deets under the cut.

Niall and Louis literally burst through a paper wall to launch hour three and reveal Niall’s lilac hair (also revealed: the fact that Niall’s “a diva,” according to Louis). The color’s hardly even noticeable, but Niall’s all worked up about it, and I’m betting he had to do this because he has no tattoos, so everyone wanted to freak his Virgo ass out with something “permanent.”

The first bit is so tiresome (Louis’s childhood friend, Stan, forcing the Milkshake City staff to perform the world’s sleepiest version of “Rock Me”), but I’m a huge fan of Stan’s for the Larry purple dildo video alone (ICONIC; ping me if you need a link), plus I love the tidbit about the time Harry came in for a milkshake for himself and “a friend back at home.”

After we survive this long-ass bit of fill, Louis and Stan take the piss out of each other and banter a bit with Niall, which is all pretty hilarious and also makes me sad in the key of “oh how I wish that was me.”

Because it wasn’t at all tedious in hour one, it’s time for another Guinness Book of World Records challenge (Louis: “Of course it is”), this time balancing coins on faces. Hey, speaking of faces, did you know that men are at peak hotness between the ages of 32 and 36? This guy is 22 years old, doing the stupidest task ever, help me, Jeebus:

Next up is the randomizer, which randomly pulls celebrity videos, and this is when the in-ears start acting up for Louis, who’s midway through Robbie Williams asking them for the best live performer they’ve ever seen, prompting Louis to give Ben the evil eye off camera and go off script to say Michael Buble, ha.

Some random sports man (update: Doncaster Rovers manager) demands that they do pressups up and burpees, and Louis gives us a surprisingly strong and steady nine pressups before proving why he’s most relatable:

After fits of unnecessary laughter from Niall, and a lot of exasperation about the technical problems so far from Louis (friend, you’ve seen nowt yet), we get the best VT from this entire day, the iconic bts video for “Talk Dirty to Me,” and if you watch nothing from any of this, please tell me you’ve seen it in full for Zayn the goofball! Liam’s hanky code shoutouts! Harry’s hip chub! Louis and his glorious torso! Niall in full Farmer Ted mode!

Next up, we get astronauts congratulating the D from space, and whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I mean, honestly, WHY? Are these astronauts fans? Is anyone besides Niall into space? I know there’s an intense interest in making space interesting for teens (how many times have people on the international space station beamed their way into MTV award shows at this point), but whyyyyy.

Scott tells us we’ll soon see Doctor Who (mild interest from Nouis) and Simon Cowell (Louis: “SIMON COWELL, WOO HOO, I LOVE THAT GUY!” Niall: “Simon GROWL”), but first up is Doctor Who, and this is where the wheels fall off the bus, technically speaking. First, there’s a 15-minute delay (!!), so Nouis are standing around while the Doctor handles some other interview for the BBC. Eventually, they connect, and Louis makes the understatement of the year (“This is gonna be tough”) as both the video and audio go full Inception and echo in and around each other to make us all woozy:

Louis again understates the chaos happening on screen by saying, “I think actually that this is not working,” and then begging for any VT, they don’t care, help (the VT is Niall being all humblecholy about their success and Ireland and something something, I’m not actually interested, sorry).

We come back to Louis still losing it, curious as to how they can have a link to space but can’t have a studio in LA link to the BBC, and yeah. YEAH. But enough about that, it’s Google+ Hangout (lololololol) time, and we don’t get too many answers to these vital fan questions because Ben is in Louis’s ear so much that Louis starts arguing with him about it and eventually runs off stage to yell at him in person, and god, it’s glorious. READY 2 FIGHT:

Because this is an utter trainwreck, the team decides to do another live link again, this time to the X Factor while it’s airing in the UK, and it’s…yeah, not good. Just awful, cameras out of synch, no sound, etc. Save us, random VT of Denmark!!

Hearing Louis say “tits up” is my new religion, but honestly, this chitchat with McFly is such a revelation. Apparently, they worked with Niall on something, so they gossip with Louis about what a diva Niall is (!) and how he brought a friend of his named Shawn around (!!), and there’s a lot of inside jokes I know nothing about, but I’m LIVING for Niall looking at all these boys on the screen and saying, “I feel like I’m alone in my bedroom,” and Louis’s response, “Okay, Niall!”

“Don’t Forget Where You Belong” is announced, but we don’t get to hear it (although we DO get to see some sweet Nouis dancing), and two more girls go into the call box of doom. Because this show’s producers can’t go ten minutes without a disaster, there’s increasingly urgent screaming from Louis to Ben to just roll the Zayn graffiti VT, which takes at least a full, tense minute to post. 

Zayn is incredibly hot, but my heart breaks for him saying it’s their 127th show, and he’s feeling inspired and creative to make art, and I just wonder how??? How are you not banging your head against a wall instead of painting it? Anyway, it’s a lot of spraypainting/artist au Zayn come to life, with Liam working out shirtless nearby and heaping praise on just about every single thing Zayn puts on the wall (awwwww). Also some nice Flicker reference points (Niall: “Zayn, will you draw a picture of me?” Zayn: “No. I don’t like you”). Ouch.

We come back to Rebecca, an opera singer who’s here to sing some tweets, and this is a horrible idea that Ben Winston stole from Jimmy Kimmel, right? When he used to have Josh Groban sing tweets a million years ago? Anyway, this ripoff doesn’t work because nobody can really understand the words, but credit to Louis for trying to cheat and speed this whole thing up:

When Rebecca finishes, Louis says he got emotional (Niall just laughs), and this poor girl says not to worry, she’ll do more later, and lmao at Louis: “Oh, OH, there’s more in store, Niall” (Niall: “Can’t wait”), sighhhhh, it’s torture for us all, tbh. Anyway, time for some Belgian VT and reinforcement that Louis’s part Belgian, which is why it’s super relevant, I guess.

The last bit is back to Dynamo, to redo the magic bit that failed with Harry in hour two. I’m still curious about this trick because there’s a piece of paper locked in this box (Harry’s dick holds the key to it), and tl/dr, Harry says April for the month an hour ago, but Louis says November, and sure enough, November plus all the other details are in this locked box. HMMMMM. Me as Harry’s finger delivering the key immediately in this segment, meaning he’s literally right there watching all of it. Pick someone supportive, etc.

Anyway, back to the trick, there’s a bit where Louis says he told Dynamo all this information earlier (Niall starts chewing his nails a bit ferociously at that), but then he backpedals brilliantly later about what an amazing, stunning trick, etc., and this group of sneaky liars, god, I love ‘em!

We get more terrible highlights, which sucks, because I kind of liked the way Louis was asking Niall what HIS highlights were, but never mind, let’s get Ben’s. I’ll leave you with this picture that makes me think of Louis hosting Family Feud, you know, the final round, when you have to see how your answers stacked up with a family member’s and if, together, you cleared 200 (“Name someone a person may confess a crime to”):

[dewitty1]

Pass The Happy ask Pass the Happy - Spread Positivity - Pass the happy! 💐When you get this, reply with 5 things that make you happy and send this to the last 10 people in your notifications-

OMFG, I had this all written out and ready to post, and my dumb fucking ass closed the tab. Jeebus fucking Harlod Roosevelt Cripes. I literally can’t even with myself right now. Ugh. Ok. whatever. Time to get Happy! Cue the Partridge Family music, lol

Okay so sorry, this will get a little personal, as depression kicks my ass a bit.And the dude, @super-ultra-mega-kami-guru is gone for the summer to his dad’s (until Aug 18th). Now, being a teenage boy, he sucks at communication, and it’s been a bit since we’ve actually spoken. This just kills a mother. Anyway, I’m gritting my teeth, and just taking one day at a time. Luckily business is busy AF right now, so I have to stress about that instead, Social media is what gets me through my day too. Facebook is where my close friends and family are (except for my parents, who are here in this small AF town, which is both good and bad, lol). And I’m glad I have y’all here too.

So I guess that will be number 1. Pocket Friends. Or Mutuals. Or whatever you want to call yourself in relation to me, lol. Seriously though. I love seeing your names pop up in my notifications. And when you comment or reblog, that’s even better. Even if we don’t talk, I heart you!

2. Movies. I dig going to the movies by myself, or with the dude. Idk about with other people, lol. I have to really know you well to go with you. And I enjoy watching my favorites over and over. Like 80′s RomComs! Yasssss! Ones that I know all the words to also, like Wayne’s World, lol.

3. Music. Most of the time it helps the depression go. Unless it’s “When We Were Young” by Adele. OMG that song kills me every time!.And for some reason I found myself Blubbering to “Castle On The Hil” by Ed Sheeran. Like WTAF, lol?!?! IDEK. I’m gonna blame it on missing the UK, lol. 

4. Books/Fanfic. Reading is a forever happy place for me. Ever since I learned thanks to Dr. Seuss's ABC book. Still got that on memorized too, pretty much, lol. Books were my best friends growing up when it felt like we moved a million times. then they were my escape from my alcoholic parents. Now, it’s just my escape from depression, and a boring life.

5. My kid, forever my joy. @super-ultra-mega-kami-guru The best thing I’ve ever created. I will never create anything more magnificent than that boy. Yes, he can be a pain in my ass, but he’s still awesome. And that goes for my other kiddo too, @rose-grangerweasleyisbae. Even though she’s only my Tumblr daughter, I don’t think I could love her much less than if she was my own girl. I hope I get to go to the Netherlands to meet her someday. As It says up there in my description, if any of you want a Mom, I’m here. I may not be the best, but I’m here for you.The dude turned out pretty well, so, you know. And, basically, most of you are young enough to be kiddos to me so, there’s that, lol.

Okay, since I had 3 asks, I guess I have to tag 30, right?

@kick-it-in-the-ass-cas @mrsfelfoy @dracohasmycat @rmh8402 @polly-weasley @leafandluke @magickfluffy @lettersbyelise @julcheninred @her-june @somewhat-honest-abe @supernovaodessa @scarheaded-ferret @kikibluemay @teefs-art @ahufflepuffnamedrose @godblessdrarry @meshkol @idunn22 @sailorslash @inthatmoment-i-was-real @thedrarryaddiction @restlessandordinary @offical-potato @must-love-drarry @Jasmine-tw @i-am-a-healer @girpandafriend @antique-moonglade @snuffles-groovy-doghouse 

[llybian]

Nothing gets me in the Halloween Christmas spirit like reading this other dumb fucking haunted house secret santa thing that @boateggs and I wrote a thousand nine-hundred years ago and never finished.

some choice dialogue:

Llybian you are dumb.

This just in, Kurt. I have emotions, too.

That bastard…!!! I loves him… just the way he is. I don’t want him to ever change… bzzt. If he changed I’d die… bzzt. Because he is my one and ONLY!!!

Nuns can’t do a lot of things. Which can be good sometimes.

WHAT!? Hmm… eh ah don’t know… what to get… such a person…

Hmmm… ...COULD BE HOT …if makeover.

The next time you call me Rila you better have a ring in your hand with a diamond the size of Lemanon.

I’m not really human. I am a thing.

Okay, when I was a kid I asked for a playmobile castle with active draw bridge but YOU SAID I would choke on the little pieces. Now, this kid, puts everything in his mouth and up his nose and in his pants and YOU SOMEHOW trust him more than me. When I was a kid I asked permission even to put food in my mouth. I just don’t get it. I just don’t fucking get it.

YOU ENSLAVIN’ A TREE YOU NASTY BOY! THIS IS THE ULTIMATE ACT DEGRADATION TO MY PINEY BRETHREN!!

We found out too late that the guy had been making eye milkshakes.

I knew who did it too. But thanks to a rookie cop who failed to secure a warrant all our evidence was inadmissible. This monster still walks the streets too… Every day he goes free is like torture to me… for you see… he’s my son’s art teacher. And my son’s bad at art.

Children are our greatest natural resource. Ripe for harvesting. Oh ho.

I don’t need your help meeting girls. I meet all the girls I can handle. And that’s a lot of girls. Oh yeah.

Excellent potato salad, Miss Nighttoad.

Damien, please stop biting Josh.

Sometimes I wish I was a cat like you, Jeebus…

[stormtheorchard]

Track by Track on ‘Colorado’ by Neil Young

1. Think Of Me

This one sounds a bit like ‘Buffalo Springfield Again’ from Silver and Gold. Sometimes I think that Neil isn’t a composer like Paul McCartney, or a lyricist like Dylan. He’s someone who just picks up a guitar and strums the same chords he’s been strumming since he first started playing as a teen and just sings what’s on his mind. I doubt very much he sat down and wrote these lyrics with a pen or a computer. He’s just gets on a roll and songs whatever bullshit comes into his head. And he’s an obscenely rich man who is allowed to indulge in all his obsessions, so it can be a bit of a one-track ride as a fan. But I do like this as an opening song. It’s very familiar.

2. She Showed Me Love

One of the things he’s obsessed with on this album is the environment and climate change. He’s goes on at length about, “Old white guys trying to kill Mother Nature.” It’s probably true that most climate change deniers are men of his vintage who can’t handle the fact that they’ve done this amount of damage to the world. I just wish he’d come up with a more palatable way of saying it. Because these lyrics are not going to turn anybody’s head. He sounds like a cranky old man banging on about the same thing he’s been banging on about for years now.

As an aside, the reason I’m listening to this is that I have a habit of not listening properly to the old guys. Even the old guys I like. When they’re playing a gig in Ireland or they have a new album out, I just assume that it’s not worth checking because they’re past it and they have nothing left in the tank. I actively avoided going to see Leonard Cohen during that great second wave of his career. (In my defense, I really don’t like that plinkety-plonk synth sound that he had on those albums, and the super layered midi instruments. And all the songs about naked women. I know he’s supposed to be a poet and all, but there are a few songs where there isn’t that much tonally between Leonard Cohen and Roy Chubby Brown. I’d love to see Leonard Cohen out there in the shorts and the goggles, doing Chubby Brown’s act. “You know they life is like oral sex - one slip of the tongue and you’re in the shit.” Could have been a lyric on Death Of A Ladies Man.)

Anyway, ‘She Showed Me Love’ is an old-style Crazy horse stomper, but just not a very good one. “Mother Nature pushing Earth in a baby carriage,” sounds like something bluted out in the moment as a placeholder, not a composed lyric. They’re going for the old days here, but it just goes on and on like a hippy ZZ Top. Nils Lofgren must be a real glutton for punishment, throwing his lot in with Neil AND Springsteen. That’s a lot of intensity to have in your life. While Bruce is out in Jersey blathering on about being a cowboy or whatever he’s into now, Neil is up a mountain in Colorado writing nursery rhymes about the environment. I’d personally rather hang with Neil, but that’s not an easy choice.

3. Olden Days

I love this one. It’s more musically rich than the first two songs. It does sound like he’s hit on a few interesting melodic and chordal things in the midst of a jam and written a song around them. However, I don’t know why he insists on writing songs in the key of D. His voice can’t handle it anymore, and he sounds really thin on these high notes. It’s the kind of thing I enjoy listening to it alone, but would make excuses for if I had the album playing in company. I don’t mind Neil struggling for these notes. Doesn’t bother me at all.

People have compared this album to some of the old Crazy Horse classics, but I think it’s got more in common with Silver and Gold than it does with Tonight’s The Night. I really like these grunge ballads that he does.

4. Help Me Lose My Mind

This is the song on the trailer for the documentary where he’s screaming at that poor old man that works for him - John Hanlon. He’s screaming like a child at him through the control-room glass about how his monitor isn’t working. First of all, what kind of a lunatic is using a monitor in the studio? How fucking loud are they playing?! How can the guy who’s talking about the environment and climate change be using so many extra resources that he doesn’t need in the studio? I do think if Neil Young was ever faced with what would actually be required in cutting our resources down to a manageable level, he actually wouldn’t be able to live his life.

- Maybe just have one guitar, Neil? - What do you mean? - Well, you can only play one guitar at a time anyway. Maybe have one spare. And instead of using these big tape machines that run on tubes and such, why don’t just get a DI for the laptop and we could record the whole album that way? - Okay. I’ll have one more look at the guitars I have out in the barn and pick two? - That’s another thing. I know you like having that big barn for your trains and amps and everything, but you could literally house ten families in that barn. Logistically, its hard to justify having all that space for amps and model trains. - But where will I play with my model trains? - Who knows? Set them up in your bedroom. Daryl won’t mind - she’s open-minded. The track can go round your bed, while you sit propped up by pillows with your conductor’s hat on - you’ll have a grand old time!

5. Green Is Blue

This one really works. Sounds like it could have been on Freedom and been better than most of the ballads stuff on that album. It’s another environmental song, but I think it works much better than the others. It’s less slogan-y and more subtle. The kind of song he can probably knock out in his sleep when he’s not focused enough to try and make every lyric scan like a protest placard. And a polar bear floating on a piece of ice from another time is total Rust-era time travel.  The least cheesy environmental song on here.

6. Shut It Down

“We got to shut the whole system down…” It’s not like he’s not right, but why does he have to say it in one of his worst songs? Jeebus, this is a drag. It reminds of what what Living With War might have sounded like if I had ever listened to it. “What about the animals/ What about the birds and bees?” I agree with you, you mad man! But gadzooks Neil, couldn’t you get Kendrick or someone to sing some of this stuff so that maybe a few people outside the circle of old hippies and hipsters that go to your gigs might hear it? Anyone who has ever bough a Neil Young album surely has surely gotten the message at this stage. The same way that Bob Dylan’s fans are now well-versed on the fact that he wishes it was the 40’s, Neil Young’s fans have a fairly good idea of where stands on the environment. He likes it.

7. Milky Way

This song is the business. Sounds like a mix between ‘Cowgirl in the Sand’ and ‘Danger Bird’ and loopier than either of them. “I was sailing in the Milky Way/Losing track of memories that weren’t that day.” The lyrics on this one are amazing and the band sound great. I think the older musicians can get these performances out of him. He’s trying too hard with The Promise of the Real to play up to being the cranky old fuck. This is an old-fashioned trip to space with Uncle Neil. “Libraries and museums, galaxies and stars…” The guitar playing sounds like he’s playing without a pick, which is something that always sounds great when he busts it out. Like Mark Knopfler’s stoner uncle.

8. Eternity

This is another tune where his voice cracks a bit, but it’s such a great song that it doesn’t matter. Apparently that’s Nils Lofgren is tap-dancing on the rhythm. You don’t get that shit with Bruce! That tap-dancing is the sound of a man dancing with glee at the thought of working with a proper artist. I can even take the ‘clickety-clack’ backing vocals. No-one else on the fucking planet with attempt something so ridiculous with a song like this, and do it with a straight face.

9. Rainbow of Colours

Why am I embarrassed by this song like it’s my dad singing it? And why do positive messages in songs always automatically sound cheesy? He’s sang every possible song he can about what’s going on inside his head, but when he tackles something real like racism, it just makes me cringe. But why? It’s a heartfelt, lovely sentiment that the world needs to hear. Why is it cheesy? Shouldn’t we get past that and just let this be a nice song about how we all actually feel? Maybe if we were all a bit more comfortable with mawkishness then the world could actually be a better place.

10. I Do

Back to D, and straining for every high note in sight. It’s a great song, though. I like that you can sort of hear chatter at the start. Kinda contradicts the aul’ coot screaming at the other aul’ coot on the documentary trailer. On headphones you can hear the snare drum rattling with the sound of the bass. Obviously some live playing happening here. There are some moments of some incredible art on this album, which is always what Neil Young had over his contemporaries - even Dylan and Cohen. He was always willing to look a bit mad and untrustworthy if he thought an idea was worth it.

But holy fuck, this is gorgeous. It’s recycling the chords from ‘Olden Days’ a little bit, but it makes it kind of like a theme. I think the subtler moments on this album are way more effective than the chest-beaters. He’s following weird trains of thought and making them sound beautiful.

[lethesomething]

Three episode reviews: Yowamushi Pedal Season 1

Since one of the only sports anime in Winter 2017 season is season 3 of Yowamushi Pedal you (like, in fact, me) might be wondering if it's something to get into. Whelp. Here's my review of the first three episodes of the first season to help you with that.

Sports: Road cycling. Again a sport that I, European chick, actually know and have watched. Hooray!

Basic premise: Onoda is a (frankly adorable) otaku who bikes everywhere to save money. On his first day of high school he meets rich boy/dedicated cyclist Imaizumi, who has some past troubles to get over, and who is mildly confused by Onoda's ability to ride up steep slopes on a shit bike while singing about princesses.

OP impression: Just adding this because I know my type and from the OP I can already tell that I'm probably going to be into tall black haired stoic boy. Also there's a guy that looks like BSD's Lovecraft and he has green and red hair which is like the least natural colour I've ever seen?

First impression from the actual show

Onoda is intense levels of nerdy loser.

Tall black haired cool boy turns out to be the bicycle version of Haikyuu's Kageyama.

The resident girl is very adorable, she even comes with a grumpy best friend.

Onoda is an amazing cyclist because he's a cheap ass.

I see jokes about the rich kid and the poor kid in the immediate future. Like they keep cutting from Onoda's shitty house to Imaizumi's modern, two car garage house. They're really putting it out there that these guys are foils. 

All in all, the first episode is pretty standard fare, though i give them props for the little bit after the credits where they're already warming up the tsun.

(I was right, he's so going to be my fave).

Second impression

Ok so cycling Kageyama is actually kindof a softie. He's a lot less cold and distant than I was expecting, but I was expecting him to be Kageyama, so that's on me.

Imaizumi is just a complete cycling dork: he's arrogant and detached, but also honorable and sympathetic. I honestly can't wait to see him become a blushing mess in the near future.

This second episode went by surprisingly fast and uses the power of bicycle science to make it clear that Onoda is like some kind of cycle prodigy because he's been driving everywhere on the world's most inefficient bike.

Also: Onoda has the saddest friggin motivation in history. Like jeebus someone hug him.

Also also manager girl's older brother is a mechanic voiced by Suwabe and can do no wrong.

Manager girl herself knows more about bikes than anyone I ever met (and I live in a cycling obsessed country). 

Cycle Kageyama has groupies. This is an interesting dynamic to say the least.

Third impression

Imaizumi is bae and also wants to desperately be friends with Onoda, even tho he's way too cool to just come out and say it.

This episode is actually quite sweet, what with the power of friendship and al that.

It introduces protag number three, who has a snaggle tooth which means he's probably quirky and/or impulsive AF. He likes bikes a lot.

As an aside: IwaPeda's school has the ugliest uniforms in the history of sports animes. Who greenlighted that?

Grupetto

So I came into this show knowing only that it is about bikes and has a dude with a freaky tongue (I'm guessing he's an antagonist at some point). And it's pretty cool. If you've watched a fair amount of sports anime, the premise to Yowamushi Pedal feels kinda standard: new kid in high school makes new friends and finds out his true talent, which he gained through some improbable training. Here’s what’s promising:

I like the dynamic between the main two (later three). It's not too confrontational and it's also not sickly sweet (like in Days, for instance).

Imaizumi is a nicer version of 'arrogant cold dude', with some of the rougher edges polished off.

Onoda is one of the most nerdy protagonists I've ever seen and I hope he stays an otaku.

The show goes by pretty fast, which to me is an indication that it's grabbed my interest.

Gayness? Hard to tell. Not picking up massive amounts of gay so far. Though since this is biking, a reasonable amount of butt shots will be expected.

Hotness? Since the art style is rather rough and cartoony, we're not dealing with your traditional anime prettyboys here. The show has more of a comedic, exaggerated feel. Having said that: Imaizumi is bae. Also, it sort of tries to get people's types in. The three third years, for instance, are 'buff dude', 'straight edge dude' and 'long haired dude'. Out of these, the one that reminds me of Lovecraft (his name is Makishima?) looks the most promising. Despite his improbable hair colour. Don't judge me.

Yay or nay?

If you've ever watched a bit of road cycling (like you sorta kinda followed the Tour de France once), the overt explaining of basic principles in the sport gets lame after a while. Because it does lay it on pretty thick. But other than that, this show looks like it'll be a lot of fun. It would be interesting to see how these characters evolve. Like if we ever see Onoda break out of his 'omg is he being nice to me wtf' shell, or how Imaizumi deals with past failures. And, not gonna lie, I wanna see what the third years are like, because four episodes in (I cheated, sue me) they're still not actually in a frigging cycling club.