#some are quick to call her a feminist just because of few lines that pulled heart strings but will brush under the rug how she nearly set up

[sukibenders]

I laugh every time someone says Penelope is more of a feminist who understands women's rights more than Eloise simply because she's LW because, be so for real right now, that is such a lie. Like Eloise has her moments and her feminism is very yte and privileged, but at least she takes the time to actually consider from other's perspective, even if she's rude here and there, and appears to make attempts to grow as a character (when the narrative allows her to rather than picking favorites). Penelope exposing secrets and being feared by most of the Ton, especially the women and young girls, for the amount of power she has does not scream feminist to me but go off.

[duuhrayliegh]

Fuck Misogyny

request: Bucky uses his newly gained knowledge of feminism to squash misogynistic interview questions. @ptrs-prkrs

warnings: language, creepy men, feminist!bucky

a/n: hey babes!! i hope this lived up to what you wanted! i couldn’t find the exact video you were referencing but i know what you’re talking about, so i drew inspiration from a few others.

p.s.: my requests and tag lists are open!!

xoxo ray

full m.list

The set up was simple. A long row of fold out tables covered in black fabric, microphones in front of each seat. Black papers were taped to the backs of the microphones with each team member's name. Bucky had told Evie that he wasn’t going to be able to work out with her today because of this so it better be worth it. The PR manager for the team, Amanda, had set everything up. Hired the mediator, notified the press, everything. Ever since they announced that they were going to be hosting an Avenger’s Q&A Panel, the internet quite literally broke.

Of course Bucky had been doing lives on TikTok with the group of five for the past couple of weeks now, so he was becoming quite comfortable in this format. He’s become increasingly active on his social media accounts, gaining more and more followers everyday. Granted, there were still haters, as Freddie called them, but Bucky ignored them for the most part.

Bucky was actually excited for this press meeting. He was finally gaining traction in the media and he knew how to correctly answer their questions. As Amanda had explained, there was going to be several questions from the mediator, tons from the press that they had invited, and then some fan questions as well. They apparently were going to be live streaming the conference on YouTube allowing them to read the comments and questions as it went on.

“Okay, everyone. You have two minutes until we start.” The team was in an empty board room in the Hilton hotel. Tony didn’t want everyone on the compound’s grass because he just had it fixed. Bucky scanned his fellow teammates. It was impossible for everyone to dress for the same event. Steve was wearing a shirt that was almost bursting at the seams with a pair of jeans and sneakers.

Tony was wearing a lovely Tom Ford, three piece, two-button, of course. Natasha and Wanda were wearing ripped jeans and casual tops. Vision was wearing a sweater vest and slacks, Bruce was clad in slacks as well a jacket covering his shoulders. Sam was wearing a button-up shirt and pressed jeans and he couldn’t find Clint anywhere, probably hiding in the rafters again.

Bucky had his iconic leather jacket donning his shoulders, a pair of slightly ripped jeans. His outfit was picked out by Cassie and Penny. “You need to look like you care but like you don’t at the same time.” Is what they said, the phrase made Bucky shake his head. His hair had finally started growing back and he wasn’t quite sure how he felt about it.

He had gotten help from Evie before he left Cassie’s apartment. She had pulled back the top half, braiding back two sections into the bun at the back of his head. There were pieces dangling in front of his eyes, “to accentuate the facial features, trust me they’ll love it.” Was Evie’s explanation as they pushed him out of the apartment, so he wouldn’t be late.

“Alright guys! They’re calling your names!” The team filed out of the board room and into a large ballroom. Bottles of water were placed beside each placemat. Tony went out first, followed by Steve, then Bruce, Natasha, Clint, Wanda, Vision, Sam and ending with Bucky. They all settled into their seats, Bucky peeled his jacket off himself, placing it on the back of his chair. His black short sleeved shirt highlighted the gold inlays of his vibranium arm.

“Oh, I see we’re showing some muscle today huh, Buck?” Sam teased as Bucky took his seat next to him. Bucky groaned in realization, covering his microphone so it didn’t pick up what he planned to say.

“Good God, is this what it’s going to be like the entire panel? You just bugging the shit outta me?” They shared a laugh making the rest of the members look at the pair. The audience clapped as they were introduced and continued clapping as they assembled before them.

“Thank you. We would like to welcome everyone to the first, of hopefully many, Avenger’s Q&A Panel.” The female mediator, Stacey, read the assigned lines off the sheet on her podium. “We are going to start with questions we curated for the team and then open it up to the members of the press. After that we will turn to our live stream and answer some viewer questions.” The press rustled in their seats, pulling out pens and journals as well as their phones to record. “Okay, starting off with a question directed at the Avengers in general. How are you feeling about coming before the media in this type of format?” Glances were exchanged between the members, not sure on who was going to start.

“I feel that this is a great way for the general public to learn a little bit more about each individual team member.” Vision was the first to respond and Steve added on.

“Yeah, I definitely think that there’s a common misconception that we don’t want to engage with the media or the general public. We do, unfortunately due to the amount of research and training that we are doing behind the scenes, it just goes to the back of our minds.”

“Right. So Tony and Bruce, we all know that you two are geniuses. What are your feelings on expanding the teachings of STEM courses to not only high school, but as far back as elementary school or even kindergarten?” The pair thought about the question before answering.

“Well, I definitely think that offering STEM-based classes at a younger age would be beneficial, especially if we were to allow the kids to continue to switch what they want to focus on.” Bruce started. “It’s incredibly anxiety-inducing for teenagers to have to decide what they’re going to do with their life right before they are thrust into an unforgiving world.”

“Yeah, I’ll never understand why we do that to our future leaders, it’s honestly baffling. Why do American schools wait until high school to require our children to learn foriegn languages, they aren’t going to retain that information. The same applies for such comprehensive courses like STEM-based ones. If you wait until their brains are already developed so far, then they’ve already decided what they think is interesting and if they don’t find those courses interesting then they aren’t going to pay attention.” Tony finished Bruce's thought before nodding to each other smugly, obviously proud of themselves for answering the question so well.

“Interesting that you see it that way. This last one goes out to everyone and then we’ll open it up to the reporters. How do you deal with the stress and anxiety that comes with being an Avenger? Do you feel a certain amount of pressure to always do the right thing?” Stacey shuffled her papers, tapping them twice on the podium.

“We all have our own routines and ways that we decompress after missions so that really just depends on the person. Like I think that Bruce listens to opera music, and Wanda mediatates, Tony tinkers. It depends on the person.” Natasha answered concisely, making Bucky nod his head. He could recall all of those things to be true.

“Oh definitely, and it doesn’t hurt that we have a former VA Trauma Counselor on board to help us work through the harder stuff.” Steve added a gesture of his head to Sam.

“Speaking of that Sam, just a quick question before we open it up. How difficult was it for you to transition from regular Air Force missions to Avenger level missions?” Sam made a face at Stacey before answering.

“Um, I mean, it’s not that different. You’re always fighting one of the Big Three-- aliens, androids, or wizards, no matter what department you’re working with. The only transition I had to deal with was the Tony Stark-erized suits. Now that I think of it, Tony, can we make it tighter?” Sam quipped making the room laugh with ease.

“Alright, well now we’re going to open it up to the reporters. Starting with this gentleman in the front and then if we could also give a microphone to someone on that side of the room. Okay, thank you.” The first reporter stood up, holding the microphone in one hand and his phone in the other.

“Hello. John from Huffington Post. The Avengers inspire almost everyone around the world, so we would like to know who inspires you? Who do you look up to in terms of your idols?” He sat back down as the team contemplated their answers.

“Gandhi.” Bruce said, Tony snapped his fingers and pointed at him then added. “Pepper, she’s so amazing.” Steve looked down to Bucky, who shrugged.

“I would probably have to say that my sister, Sarah, inspires me. She raised her two sons, Cas and AJ, by herself after the Blip and was able to keep the family business going.” Sam’s answer made Bucky smile. Sam had brought him to their house in Delacroix, he remembered waking up to Cas and AJ playing in the kitchen, happy giggles filtering through reminding him of his time in Wakanda. By the time that Bucky had refocused on the conversation they had moved on without his answer. Several different questions went by, all directed to the team at large, until Chad.

“Hi, I’m Chad for the Daily Mail. My question is for Wanda and Natasha.” The pair of women perked up, excited to have a specific question. “Do you find that your equipment hinders you in doing your job as well as your male counterparts?” Stunned expressions settled over the womens faces, then annoyance. Bucky’s brows shot up to his hairline, appalled that someone had the balls to ask that. Wanda and Natasha handled the question with grace and much more restraint than Bucky would have.

“Well for me, I am able to move things with my mind so I can throw things randomly at people even if I’m not in the room. I’ve been very fortunate to work with Natasha who has Widow training, so my hand to hand combat is improving immensely. And being able to work with Princess Shuri in Wakanda to learn how to fully control my powers. It’s an ever evolving process that I’m always excited to take on.” Bucky nodded and turned his attention to Natasha.

“My favorite thing is training with either Steve or Bucky because they push me to do my best. We all have our specialties here and it’s nice to learn new skills or improve old ones with people who support you.” Natasha sat back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest, throwing daggers with her eyes at Chad in the audience, waiting for him to say something else. Chad stood again, yelling so he could be heard over the crowd’s commotion.

“That’s great, ladies, but forgive me, you didn’t answer the question I asked.” Bucky pushed forward in his seat, leaning into his microphone.

“I’m sorry, I think I misunderstood what you asked them then. I would like for you to clarify what you mean by equipment.” Chad balked, not expecting a male’s voice to respond.

“You know what’s implied by equipment, sir.” Bucky’s jaw clenched at the man.

“Did you just ask two of the most capable women that I’ve ever known, if their equipment, which I’m assuming you’re referring their breasts, made it to where they couldn’t do their job as good as the rest of their male counterparts. Just to be clear, that’s what you’re asking?” Chad stuttered as he answered yes.

“Right, well first off that’s disgusting. Just a bit of background for you, Wanda is the strongest Avenger here, plain and simple. As for Natasha, she’s the smartest woman I’ve ever met and she can take down every single male here.” Bucky took a breath before continuing. “So, what I think you really want to know is how they encourage their teammates to keep up with them.” He dropped his head to look at the two women down the line.

“Don’t worry Chad, I’ll ask them the right question, since you can’t quite seem to understand how to respect women.” The team was holding back snickers at Chad’s reaction. “Wanda, Natasha. Chad wants to know how the hell you push your male teammates to be just as good as you are. What are your strategies to keep us on our toes while training?” Claps sounded from the women press members and Bucky awaited the pair's response. The next press member stood and asked a question.

“Hi, I’m Chloe from Vanity Fair. This question goes to everyone on the panel.” Bucky settled in for another question that didn’t matter. “How do you continue to be aware of things happening in our society today? Do you keep up-to-date through new channels, or social media?” The answers were rather generic from the team, all of them rather uncomfortable from the tension that Bucky and Chad had created. Stacey interrupted after Chloe’s question.

“Okay, we’re going to open it up to viewer questions from our live stream.” An iPad was placed on the podium in front of Stacey and her eyebrows rose. “Okay, there’s quite a variety here. Here’s one for Steve and Bucky.” Bucky perked up, nervous to answer because his adrenaline had worn off.

“One viewer asks, ‘Steve and Bucky, being from the 40’s, women were treated like second thoughts and were talked about like objects. Now, you’re in the 21st century, not much has changed. What have you been doing to support feminist causes?’”

“I just want to say that everyone should be answering this. It’s true that during the 40’s women were not treated the right way, and they still aren’t today. An 18 year old can’t walk down the street at nine o’clock at night without being catcalled. I am a proud feminist, as everyone should be. I think that as a team we are doing pretty well in that department. As far as what I’m doing to support feminist causes, I’m doing as much as I can. I actually recently enrolled in online classes to expand my knowledge on many subjects, seeing as how I am from the 40’s and all.” The crowd laughed along with Bucky.

“Almost all of my classes have to do with either psychology or gender studies, it’s a fascinatingly haunting subject. One book that I’m reading right now was suggested to me by my friend Cassie, it’s called Hood Feminism: Notes from the Women that a Movement Forgot. The author doesn’t let up and I’m only halfway through it. Look, I’m still educating myself, but I’m a strong believer in doing what is right for everyone, so I’m trying. Thankfully I have a few people keeping me in check as far as my actions.” Bucky thought his response was well thought out for being an on the fly question. He was new to the concept of feminism but that didn’t change the fact that it made total sense.

“I’m with Bucky on this. The 40’s were a rough time. I remember the first time I met Peggy Carter, I was astonished that a woman could be in such a powerful position. One of the first things she did after I met her was punch out someone who made a sexual comment to her. I’ve been supporting feminist causes ever since working with Peggy.” Steve added, a sad smile spreading on his face reminiscing Peggy.

“This one says, ‘As a total fan of all of you, I love seeing what you post on your social media accounts. When are the rest of the Avengers going to follow Bucky’s lead and download TikTok?’” Bucky’s head flew back into a full body laugh. Tony shifted forward in his seat, pointing his finger at the laughing man down the table.

“I would just like to say he didn’t get that approved before doing it. However, it did go over really well, so we’ll consider it.” Wanda’s mouth rolled inwards, stifling her laughter.

“We’ll consider it, you’re such an old man. Most of us have TikTok already, we just don’t make content on it like Barnes over here.” Sam said, tossing his head in Bucky’s direction.

“I’ve got like three videos on there!” Bucky and Sam began bantering back and forth.

“Yeah and one of them is dancing to a Cardi B song! Who even showed you that? I thought you only like 40’s music?” Bucky made a face at the man.

“Uh, just because I didn’t like your suggestions for music doesn’t mean I don’t have taste. My Spotify playlist is filling out quite nicely, Wilson.” Bucky and Sam didn’t quit fighting from then on, just little jabs at each other under the table.

“Here’s a good one,” Stacey had a smile on her face, “Are you allies of the LGBTQ+ community?” Bucky responded quickly with no hesitation.

“Yes, many of my friends are members of the Alphabet Mafia. Why wouldn’t we be?” Wanda nodded at his question, laughing at his use of the phrase Alphabet Mafia.

“Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I’m dating a fucking android, I’d be pretty hypocrictal if I wasn’t an ally. Nat, Clint what about you?” Clint bobbed his head in response.

“Oh yeah. We all are, even the Star Spangled Man with a Plan.” Steve’s shoulders shook with laughter at Clint’s nickname for him. The team broke out into laughter, joining Steve. Stacey cleared her throat, commanding the attention of the room again.

“Alright, everybody! That’s it for today.” She glanced down at her papers. “We would like to thank everyone for coming out today and joining the Avengers Q&A Panel. At this time we are unaware, if we will be conducting another one of these, but the odds look good based on the response.” The team filed out of the ballroom and into the empty boardroom. Bucky was the last to get into the room and he was approached by Natasha and Wanda immediately. Wanda wrapped her arms around him in a bear hug.

“That was so sick, Bucky!” She stepped back and Natasha offered him a side hug as well. “Where’d you learn all that? And since when are you taking online classes?”

“That guy was being an asshole, he needed to be put in his place. I hope you guys didn’t feel like I overstepped or anything.” Bucky hung his arm over Wanda’s shoulder, leaning his weight on her. “And I started about two months ago. They’re going really well, I’m learning a lot and enjoying it surprisingly. It’s a good thing to do in my free time since I’m not always on missions.”

“I’m proud of you James, that was impressive.” Natasha complimented him, she wasn’t usually a woman of many words so that was a lot. Bucky smiled at her, nodding his head. His phone began buzzing in his back pocket, so he excused himself from their conversation. His screen displayed one of Evie’s senior pictures, signalling that she was calling him. He pushed the green button and brought the phone to his ear to answer her call.

“Hello?” She ignored his greeting with a squeal.

“Check your Twitter! Bucky, you’re trending! Here I’m putting you on speaker, we’re all here Buck!” Shuffling noises were heard through the speaker as Evie began reading the tweets to Bucky. Laughs from Cassie, Freddie and Penny could be heard behind Evie’s voice.

“Oh my gosh Eve! Just let the man get back to what he was doing!” Freddie yelled at an excited Evie, who retaliated with a scoff.

“Okay, okay! Just remember we have a movie night tomorrow! It’s Penny’s turn to pick so we don’t know what to expect.” Evie mumbled the last part into her phone speaker. Bucky heard the impact of a pillow hit Evie, causing her to grunt in pain. “Okay! We’ll talk to you later, Buck! See you soon!” She hung up the phone before he could get a word in edgewise. Bucky shook his head as he shoved his phone back into his pocket. Amanda approached Bucky asking to speak with him privately.

“So we’re getting a flood of interview requests from networks and papers. We would like to start running with this. We’ll have to go over everything with our PR guy, Ryan, but it should work out. As long as you’re comfortable with all of this.” Bucky smiled and nodded, following after Amanda as she continued explaining what would happen going forward.

He was nervous, of course, but he could tell these nerves were coming from a place of excitement instead of fear, which was a new sensation for the man. It wasn’t unwelcome, it was the same as when he first started hanging out with Cassie, Penny, Freddie and Evie. It was the same when he went on his first mission with the team. Bucky was ready to tackle this next adventure, whatever it would entail.

[mypoisonedvine]

Love, Theoretically | Sebastian Stan x reader (Chapter 1)

for @evnscvll​​‘s 3k celebration challenge, I immediately broke the rules and took only one prompt: Love, Actually.  then I made it into a series.  oops.  but she made me that lovely moodboard anyways!

summary: having lost your husband, sister, and best friend all to the same extramarital affair, you ran away to a secluded villa in the Hungarian countryside to write and get a little time away from the life you’d left behind.  you were only looking for peace and perhaps some inspiration for your novel, but instead you found an unlikely connection with the immigrant repairman-- even though the two of you don’t speak the same language.

word count: 2.3k

warnings: mention/description of infidelity, awkwardness, me teasing y’all by making this a slow burn

(quick note: I’m not fluent in romanian but I did my best to translate the dialogue as accurately as possible, rather than as literally as possible.  if you don’t speak it I would recommend not translating seb’s lines so you get the full experience of having no idea what he’s saying just like the reader in the story but I won’t tell you how to live your life)

You usually trusted your intuition, but up until now you'd convinced yourself that you were being paranoid by worrying about your husband.  Trusting him was more important than anything, and definitely more important than a strange feeling in your gut that something was wrong. 

The sad thing is, you would've never guessed that he was having an affair with your sister.  Not in a million years.  All the sneaking around, the strange stories that didn't add up… you would've put your money on a secret gambling addiction (pun unintended but welcome), or maybe that he'd secretly lost his job.

But even with all your suspicion, all your low self-esteem, all your fear that he was too good for you… nothing could've prepared you to walk in and see him with his face between your sister's legs.

He didn't even do that to you; he said he didn't like the taste.  You realized now, as you stared out the window of the train at the trees flying by, that that should've been a red flag from the start.  For a man who had claimed to be a feminist, things were never really equal in your house.  You both worked full time but you were saddled with more chores; you made more money than he did, but for some reason, you found yourself asking for his approval on large purchases; and of course, whenever you'd talked about children, he'd always just assumed you would stay at home forever and do most of the child-rearing.  He told you that you'd need to handle them when he was too tired from work-- but what about when you were tired from watching them all damn day while he was working?

God, you needed to stop thinking about this.  If you cried on this train people would probably look at you funny and you did not need that right now.  You couldn’t take any more reasons to believe people dislike you.  Even as much as you wanted to say that you didn't want or need your husband’s approval anymore, you still felt so shitty, so fundamentally worthless that he'd chosen your sister over you.  He hadn't wanted to touch you in months.  You wondered if it had been going on longer than that: when you'd blown him after that company party half a year ago, were you putting your mouth on something that had been in your sister's--?

"Something to drink, madam?" the attendant asked as she rolled by with her cart, pulling you from a very dangerous cycle of thought.

You jumped a little and looked over to her as she smiled at you-- no hint of judgment or confusion as you wiped a tear away.  In her shoes, you would be nosy and want to know more about the woman crying on the train.  Then again, maybe it was obvious to her: a woman, alone, who bought the last ticket just before the train left, carrying only a small briefcase and a few hastily-packed suitcases… a woman with nothing to lose, going nowhere as fast as possible.  Could it be anything but her having been done wrong by a man?

"Tea, please," you nodded with a smile of your own-- weaker than hers, more awkward.  You'd make a bad stewardess.

"Black or green?"

You didn't trust them to steep the green tea at the proper temperature, so you asked for black and nodded in thanks when she handed you the warm paper cup and rolled on by to the next passenger.

What really made your head spin, you considered as you sipped at your drink, was not your husband’s actions but your sister’s.  You remembered when you were both teenagers and her boyfriend had cheated on her, she’d gotten so upset with the girl he’d done it with rather than him.  You had thought that was ridiculous because the girl didn’t owe her anything.  You understood better now, and of course, your sister did owe you something.  You two had had your rough patches but overall, she’d been your best friend for most of your life.  So much so that she was the one you went to when you were worried about your husband.  She told you to give him space.  You would’ve never imagined that was her way to get you to back off, to cover her own sins and give her more freedom to shag your husband in your goddamn bed.

Yes, that was the real betrayal.  Lots of people have ex-husbands, but you couldn’t exactly turn her into an ex-sister.  You were stuck with her, but you had no plan as of yet to face her again.

The night in the sleeper car was restless, literally.  It was so dark out that you couldn’t see the trees or mountains anymore, but if you focused really hard and made sure to turn off every light in your room, you could just barely see the stars in the sky.  You hoped that you would have plenty of time to spend looking at the stars once you reached your destination.  As much as you’d loved the city lights of London for the past several years, you really needed to be somewhere that was actually dark at night.  And where the air was clean.  And, best of all, where nobody knew who the fuck you were.

You stepped out of the train and onto the platform, feeling very much like you were surrounded by people ending their stories-- reuniting with loved ones, finishing vacations-- while yours was just beginning.  Well, you supposed it made sense that most of the people travelling from London to Nyíregyháza, Hungary were probably from Nyíregyháza, Hungary.  Unlike you, who had only been here once while backpacking through the area in college and fallen in love with it.  You were lucky that the owner of the secluded cottage you’d crashed at back then had picked up the phone when you called from the train; you were especially lucky that she was willing to pick you up from the station, you not being quite dressed or prepared for backpacking.

Exiting the station and finding the cobblestone street, you were nearly tackled by a portly old woman as she tried to get your attention.

“Mrs. Alberti?!” you asked with wide eyes.

“You should at least pretend I haven’t aged a day,” she frowned, her words coated with her thick Hungarian accent.  

“I was just surprised that you’re still running the cottage!  I figured you and Mr. Alberti retired ages ago,” you explained, following her back to her car and putting your luggage in the boot.

She seemed a little crestfallen, wistfully considering your assumption.  “Well, it’s not quite what it used to be but yes, I am still the owner.  Sadly, Mr. Alberti passed away several years back.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that,” you replied, hoping to be as comforting as reasonably possible, “he was such a sweet man.”

“Yes, but he had a long illness-- and before that, lived a very full life,” she smiled confidently, walking to the driver’s seat as you followed along the other side and got in the passenger.

“It’s too bad he won’t get to see you again, though,” she continued as she started the vehicle.  Considering how old it looked, you were impressed that it worked on the first try.  “He would’ve been amazed to have a repeat customer from somewhere so far away.  I certainly am!”

“Yes, well, I have great memories from staying in the villa, and decided to go in search of some of the lust for life that I had back then-- chasing after youth never backfires, right?” you joked.

“I wouldn’t know,” she replied with a smirk.

You knew you were getting close to the old house when the roads turned from asphalt, to cobblestone, to gravel, and finally to dirt.  As much as you figured trees and grass looked basically the same everywhere, you appreciated that it somehow managed to look totally different than England.  Maybe it was the scattering of blue wildflowers, or the way the wilderness was dominating the few signs of human existence rather than the other way around.  Driving it was different than hiking it, certainly, and you wondered if you would find the time or energy to climb the foothills on the other side of the lake like you had before.  Maybe you didn’t want to find out how much athletic ability you’d lost since college…

“Here we are!” she announced as she made one last turn and yep, there it was: a lonely stone cottage, with flowers all along the walls and pink wooden shutters.  

You could tell it had aged since it had looked how you remembered, but if anything it had gained a quaint charm, with its moss and ivy and old trees which sagged under their own weight.  Figuring you would have more time to take in the scenery in the indefinite time you planned to spend here, you decided to make good time and gather your things first.

As you opened the boot and reached in to grab your luggage, someone appeared beside you and pushed your hands aside, saying something that you couldn’t parse at all.  You stepped aside and realized that it was a young man-- not horrifically young or anything, but certainly… strapping.  He shot you a smile, and you couldn’t think of the last time somebody had looked at you with so much joy on their face.

“Oh, thank you,” you nodded, letting him lift your suitcases (which he did with ease, just to make it all extra cruel).

“This is Sebastian-- he lives here and does odd jobs for me,” Mrs. Alberti informed you, "Don't waste your time talking to him; he doesn't speak a word of English."

"Oh, he only speaks Hungarian?"  You turned to him again; "Szia, hogy vagy?"

He shook his head and smiled awkwardly.

"No dear, he only speaks Romanian," Mrs. Alberti explained with a laugh.  "Can't you tell I can only afford to run this place by using cheap immigrant labour?"

"Salut," he greeted.  At least you could figure what that meant.  You chuckled uncomfortably and looked to the ground.  

You followed Sebastian and Mrs. Alberti into the house, admiring how little the interior decorations had changed-- it was all macrame and flowers in old-fashioned ceramic vases, with lots of oddball Hungarian trinkets to round it all out.  Perhaps the only thing you could notice that was different was new floorboards.

“You like the new floor?” Mrs. Alberti asked, as if she were reading your mind.  “Sebastian put that in for me.”

Sebastian seemed to perk up as he set your bags down briefly, clearly aware he was being talked about.  

“Remember?” Mrs. Alberti addressed him, motioning to the floor.  “You put in the new floor, huh?  Új emelet?”

You wondered why she’d seemed to laugh at you for trying to speak Hungarian to him, when she was doing the same thing.

“Da,” he smiled, pressing his shoe down onto the floor to apparently demonstrate the lack of creaking.  “Ți-am făcut un etaj nou.”

“Alright, go ahead and take her bags upstairs,” Mrs. Alberti instructed him, motioning to the luggage and then to the staircase.  He nodded and picked them up again, starting to walk across the room.  “He knows where your room is, just follow him,” she told you.  

The stairs, unlike the new floor, did creak, and you weren’t sure how far behind you were supposed to be on the staircase to avoid having his ass right at eye level.  You didn’t want to stare at it… but either the jeans were doing him a lot of favours, or Mrs. Alberti’s ‘odd jobs’ do a body good.  Maybe a little bit of both.

He used his back to push open the door to your room, setting your bags just inside before turning to leave again, like he thought it would be rude to step inside.

“Wait,” you requested, but he kept going-- probably the whole ‘not understanding English’ thing.  God, you were going to look so stupid at least a few more times trying to get through to this guy, you could sense it.  Forced to get his attention another way, you reached out and grabbed his arm; not hard, but it was definitely a slightly aggressive thing to do anyways.  It worked, though, and he turned around with an expectant look.  “Could you help me unload?” you asked, gesturing towards the bags.  

His brow knitted with confusion as he tilted his head.  You sighed, not sure exactly how to pantomime this.

“One of my bags,” you began, pointing to one of them, “is heavy--” a lifting motion-- “could you--” you pointed to him-- “unpack it?” 

That seemed to make more sense to him, and he stepped back into the room with you.  “Voi încerca,” he said, somewhat to himself, as you opened the suitcase.  Inside was your typewriter; he nodded with understanding and scooped it up.

“Unde?” he asked, and regardless of what it meant, you were going to show him where to put the typewriter anyways.  

“Just over there, the table by the window,” you pointed to it.  He nodded again and walked past you, setting it down, and even adjusting it a little to make sure it was centered.

“Thank you!” you piped up when he turned back to you.  And just like that, you were plunged back into awkward silence.  You pointed to him, and then the typewriter as you pantomimed typing.  “Can you type?”  He seemed to understand what you meant.

“Nu,” he shook his head, “când eram mic, trebuiau înregistrați anual.”

“...huh,” you mumbled, not sure what to do with that.   

“Plec acum,” he announced as he started to step past you again.

You cleared your throat and let him walk out the doorway.  “Right, um, have a good afternoon…”

He gave a little wave as he walked down the hall, and you sighed once he was out of sight and making his way down the creaking stairs.  You impressed yourself with your ability to embarrass yourself constantly, even with total strangers.  But, all that aside, you were finally ready to settle in and properly enjoy your change of scenery.

[sammysdewysensitiveeyes]

So despite my vow not to give Marauders any more attention something popped in my head bugging me and I have to get it out and you’re like one of very few people I’ve got for that—in Duggan’s retelling, I think taking vengeance on Buckman and his lot becomes Emma’s idea instead of Shaw’s? I refuse to reread that garbage but I swear after Shaw’s now-illusory last kiss with Lourdes, Emma says something that prompts Shaw to yell (in a way drawn to make him look ridiculous and stupid ofc) that SHE MUST BE AVENGED so the takeover was now her idea too (and yet she also says “and all it cost was human blood” AS IF SHE HAD A PROBLEM WITH THAT) like. At this rate I expect Duggan to say actually she time traveled and started the Hellfire Club and also the X-Men. Or I could be wrong but I think I’m right.

You are right!

In the Duggan retcon, Emma is the one who says something about how Buckman must pay, and Sebastian just echoes her. In the original, Sebastian is the one calling for vengeance.

Duggan also conveniently eliminates Tessa's line about "How much she loved him, how little he knew it...." because God forbid we have any depiction of Sebastian in a potentially positive or sympathetic light. Maybe we're supposed to believe Emma faked that line, too, even though Sebastian is clearly focused on Lourdes in the original and probably didn't even hear what Tessa said.

So Duggan takes one of the most important moments in Sebastian's life, if not THE most important moment, and makes it all about Emma's trickery. And the mutants of the Hellfire Club overthrowing the human members like Buckman? All Emma's idea, apparently, although the story pays lip service to Lourdes being the one who recognized the dangers of humans. Never mind about Sebastian or Leland having their own agency, it was all Emma pulling the strings, and having the mental quickness to see an opportunity to not only "save" Lourdes but also push Sebastian to take over the Hellfire club, all in an instant.

And once again, I'm coming off as really anti-Emma here, so I promise, I really do like Emma. But must everything be retconned to white-wash her past, and also show her as constantly running circles around the other Hellfire Club guys? Can she not ever be shown as vulnerable, scared, or cruelly flawed? In the original story, she was in very real danger from the Sentinel, and Sebastian was rushing to her and Leland's rescue. In the retcon, the Sentinel is taken care of almost as an afterthought, and Emma treats it like no big deal. I actually find the Emma in the original, who is caught in a vulnerable position and who is probably genuinely shaken by the whole incident to be a lot more compelling than the retcon Emma who reacts coolly to everything.

And again, the absolute lack of agency from Lourdes herself. I can understand Duggan thinking that it's "feminist" to save Lourdes from being, basically, a "fridged" woman who is killed for Sebastian's character development. But in the retcon, she is only saved for Emma's character development, and STILL doesn't have any real agency of her own. She wants to stay in the US (in the same city where Sebastian lives and operates, even!) instead of going home to Spain? She needs Emma to set her up with money and a new life via the Kingpin instead of Emma just pulling a few mind tricks to give Lourdes access to the very real fortune that she has? Why? I can maybe understand Lourdes being afraid of the retconned abusive Sebastian, but also Lourdes is a fucking teleporter. Like she can't just dip out if Sebastian gets too close to her. But no, she is utterly helpless, and only wants to know if the new man taking care of her is "a nice man."

In all this, it kind of feels like Duggan is trying to have it both ways. The retcon of Emma being abused by Shaw seemed like it was supposed to make her more sympathetic and absolve her of some of the Hellfire club's crimes by suggesting that she didn't have full agency, she was afraid of big, bad, Sebastian. But Duggan also wants her to be a clever badass, so we see her manipulating Sebastian and Leland to not only let Lourdes escape, but also pushing them into the Hellfire club takeover. So which is it? Is she a sad victim or the real power behind the Black King? (Of course, it is possible to be some combination of both, but that would require a better writer than Duggan.) If Emma is clever enough to manipulate the guys to this extent, why doesn't she DO something about the abuse that she is supposedly enduring? Why doesn't she psychically give Sebastian a stroke and arrange for him to be replaced by someone easier to control? Is Sebastian a terrifying enemy who is powerful, intelligent and ruthless, or is he an easily manipulated idiot that Emma is always one step ahead of? You can't have it both ways. There's a middle ground, but it requires some actual complexity and nuance.

Anyway, I look forward to the next issue of Marauders, in which Tempo will take Emma on a time-traveling adventure, in which Emma will found the original Hellfire club (but somehow not be responsible for the greed and corruption associated with the club), then travel to Bishop's future and fix everything there while Bishop just stands there in awed appreciation. And while she's at it, she'll meet a young Pyro and inspire all of his romance novels.

[the-busy-ghost]

Thoughts on TSP S2E05- The Plague

Well that was An Episode. Actually I thought the writing in this one was a little better than the other episodes (at least until the last three minutes or so, what the fuck), and I did like some of Katherine’s speeches this time. Nonetheless some thoughts:

- Firstly, I would like to see the casting call. Do they cast for ‘Whispering Lady #1′ and ‘Whispering Lady #2′? Seems like you could make a career out that, given how often they appear in period dramas.

- How long has Sir William Compton been ill? I know the plague was a terrifyingly quick disease but you would think someone would have noticed he looked a bit peaky BEFORE he dropped dead in the middle of the hallway. Also they’ve established that he’s the physically closest person to the king and yet nobody is at all focused on checking to see if Henry is well?

- I really feel like they’re setting up Anne and Katherine’s relationship to be Bessie Mark 2. Like Anne is going to be portrayed as a close attendant and confidant and then stab Katherine in the back, thus robbing Anne (and indeed Bessie) of any independent motivation or justification.

- Could they call this episode Bessie Blount and the Fastest Three Year Pregnancy in England

- And while we’re on the subject poor Bessie. I really feel like she’s been robbed a little by the writing (not by the actress, Chloe Harris is great). She doesn’t get to say a word in her defence until halfway through (the silent Other Woman), and then we’re supposed to believe that being the king’s mistress was such a huge dishonour she’d be chucked out, and then the only reason she is restored to favour is probably going to be because of Katherine? That’s a lot to saddle on one woman. I was already a supporter of the Bessie Blount defence squad and I am quietly seething on her behalf. Also I feel like they could have had Katherine help at the birth IN LITERALLY ANY OTHER WAY THAT WAS VERY GROSS AND NOT AT ALL SAFE AND THEN YOU JUST LEFT HER THERE BLEEDING AND FUCKED OFF WITH HER BABY

- Katherine “what did you think I was going to use it for” WELL SURE I DON’T KNOW KATHERINE BUT HOW IS THIS BETTER??? The Myranda absolutely JUMPED out here, I cannot even BEGIN to describe how appalled I am.

- Also again is this supposed to be a sympathetic portrayal? Snatching baby Henry away from his mother before she’d even held it? Even if you hate her it’s a dick move especially since you are known to dislike the pregnancy and you also just pulled a knife on her? And you won’t even hold your own daughter so like double shit?

Anyway moving on...

- They are really playing up the ‘Wolsey lives vicariously through Henry’s mistresses’ vibe this episode. It is A Lot

- Also how does Stafford always manage to say things in literally the grossest way possible. Who gave Olly Rix these lines.

- Lol @Wolsey just dropping his cardinal’s hat casually into the conversation. Classy.

- Nobody “understands” Henry. Except Wolsey of course. Poor misunderstood baby king, AYE RIGHT.

- Mary’s storyline was actually pretty well done. They ARE cute. But I suppose it’s easier to pull off the ‘beautiful princess in arranged marriage and secret wedding’ plot than anything more complex like Margaret’s. I’m still not over the fact that that is very clearly Waddesdon though.

- *Technically* I’m not sure their marriage actually counts as treason, in the terms of the fourteenth century treason acts, but I’m no expert on that so I could be wrong. Just seems that period dramas throw the word treason around a lot when it had quite a specific meaning in England (in Scotland not so much, it’s a very flexible word there).

 - Mega Feminist Katherine of Aragon refusing to touch her daughter and continuing to refer to her as a ‘useless girl’. 100% Accurate and Feminist portrayal this (not). But Girl Power right?

- Awkward sex scenes GALORE this episode

- Margaret’s storyline was... somewhat comprehensible this episode but still a bit naff. Not the actors fault, they are doing their best. But I suppose it works? I do have some specific thoughts on details on that though, so more below

- Do I have to keep pointing out that James V WAS the king not the future king? Did you all miss the mourning coronation or something? Also the ‘Stewart clan’ does not “insist” on anything, because that is waaaaay too simplistic and also the wrong terminology.

- Albany’s line about ‘civilised company’- I mean as a Scot OUCH but also it’s quite believable coming from him I suppose, wee John was not a huge fan of Scotland.

- Holyroodhouse was not part of Margaret’s dower so far as I’m aware? At least it wasn’t traditionally part of queens’ dowers in Scotland and it wasn’t in any of the documents I’ve seen made at the time of her marriage.  It also had a freaking abbey attached to it (though tbh, that had fallen into decline a bit by the early sixteenth century). So why not pretend you’re using one of Margaret’s actual dower houses, further north? Also if I were Angus and I was trying to hide out from the Duke of Albany while illegally retaining control of James IV’s illegitimate children, I would probably go to the much more secure castle of Tantallon, not Holyrood. But everything has to happen in Edinburgh I suppose.

- Ok it’s a tiny detail but I am still exercised about the Presence of James IV’s illegitimate children. Firstly, how are they all still kids?? The only one who should still be under the age of twelve in 1516 (or 1519? God knows when this is) is Janet Stewart, the future Lady Fleming and daughter of the Countess of Bothwell. There is no evidence that she was ever raised at court and her mother Agnes was still very much alive (she actually spent Christmas with Margaret Tudor at Morpeth after the queen’s flight into England). 

The others were either dead (Alexander via Flodden and a few who died in infancy), married adults (Katherine, Countess of Morton, and Margaret, Lady Gordon- the latter *might* have also been in a relationship with Albany’s older brother Alexander Stewart at this time, it’s unclear), or teenagers approaching adulthood who were either on the continent or in Albany’s camp (James, Earl of Moray). 

SECONDLY how does it AT ALL fall in Margaret’s purview to raise them, let alone that of the Earl of Angus. Margaret could theoretically have stepped in as a benefactor- that’s not unknown and the royal family was a wide concept so Albany and Margaret sometimes did act on behalf of royal cousins and illegitimate children- but Angus? Even Jane Stewart of Traquair would theoretically have more right to one of the children than him (and NOT because of some stupid ‘Stewart clan’ nonsense) since wee Janet Stewart was probably her first cousin. (Margaret Stewart, Lady Gordon was Angus’ first cousin but once again, she was a married woman with children of her own). Although if they’re implying this was a political move on Angus’ part then that would have been a smart move- having custody of James IV’s illegitimate children could be quite useful politically, as later events involving both Albany and Margaret Tudor showed. But since the show has sort of been implying that they’re useless and that Margaret is stuck with them, it doesn’t make a lot of sense.

- Also none of this is how a pre-contract works, and while we know very little about Jane Stewart of Traquair anyway, it’s clear that the show knows even less. But we love to see the Earl of Angus torn to shreds by both Margaret and Jane. One would hope that that was him Telt but sadly we all know this isn’t the case.

- Oh and a woman! In Scotland! Who is Scottish! We’re not cryptids after all! And she was then immediately chucked out.

- Also he just... walks off?? No attendants, no kinsmen, no horses? Do the writers have any idea of the level of power and status the Earl of Angus theoretically held?

- One of the men behind Margaret had A Line. I fear this is how Henry Stewart is being introduced to us.

- Can they shut up about the god damn kilts for TWO. MINUTES.

- BUT the real award for the most truly disappointing thing about this episode goes to the fact that we are now unlikely to get the Margaret and Mary reunion we all deserve. I mean I cannot BELIEVE this show passed up the opportunity to show the Queen of England and the dowager Queens of Scotland and France all acting in consort after the Evil May Day Riots. But then I suppose they would have to deal with that event in a sensitive fashion which like, I do not see them doing. I am genuinely disappointed by this, since the actresses are doing their best and I think it might actually have been a good scene. And it would have been an excuse for some fabulous costuming.

Anyway. That’s about all I’ve got.

[hocenimlatine]

Invitation Only

Happy Thanksgiving! Here’s a chapter from my completed series Knight of the Night that I started as @sithlordintraining

KNIGHT OF THE NIGHT (Modern AU/Vigilante AU)

Matt Organa-Solo, a 21-year old psychology student at Academia: University of First Order. He was the only child of Senator Leia Organa-Solo and Retired Chief of Police Han Organa-Solo. It was a problematic community, but not as terrible as some other towns and colleges. But somehow, he always found himself always somehow saving one someone, literally. After a crazy night, will Matt dare venture to become the hero this place needs?

                              Matt the Technician x Black Reader

                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The leaves crunched beneath the Doc Martens owned by Y/N and Matt. Matt turned to give her a soft smile, which was gifted with a joyful laugh. Over the past few weeks, the pair were growing closer; dare to say even dating. Of course, nothing was stated that this was true nor sealed with a kiss. But, it was their actions that made it all too clear. Matt was always meeting up with you, getting you food and drinks; and you were always making him happy, showing him new things and places, and just being super cute, the both of them. The cafe’s bell rung out as Matt held the door open for her. Sliding into the booth, Matt sat across from her and watched her remove her scarf. (Y/e/c) eyes sparkled at him. “Your nose is red.” Y/N smiled at him. “URGH!” He let out loud and dramatically dropped his head down. He heard the giggle escape your lips before hands threaded to his blond locks. His chocolate eyes peered over his gold rims as he sniffled. A pout fell on her glossed lips. Matt had a little cold and hadn’t really been able to hang out. Also, it could be because he didn’t wear the appropriate clothing as Kylo Ren. But, he couldn’t help it. You were a very outgoing girl and he had to ensure your safety even if you didn’t want it.

Midway through their meal, Matt noticed the shrug of her shoulders. “Why are you nervous?” He asked as her fork hit the plate. “Am not!” She chuckled. Two fingers pressed against tense shoulders, they fell down and Matt’s eyes crinkled as he saw your embarrassed face. “You know you can tell me anything.” He said holding your stare. You sat on your hands, focusing on keeping your shoulders still. “Are your parents coming back for Thanksgiving?” She asked. Matt shook his head no; “My dad is going to be in Panama with my Uncles, to celebrate their independence day; and my mom will probably be at some summit on the other side of the world.” He said unbothered and that bothered you. “Would you like to, possibly, come to Thanksgiving with my family?” Matt was taken aback. This was a big step in your relationship that wasn’t a relationship. “Yo-you don’t have to do that Y/N.” His fingers ran through his hair. “No Matt, I want you to come.” Your smile was so pressuring he didn’t want to disappoint you, but he didn’t want to feel like a burden and the Knights. “Y/N, I-I, I’m sorry I can’t impose like that.” He stammered. “You won’t!” Your hands wrapped around his larger one. “My parents always tell me I should invite more friends over and I can’t invite Phasma over because of Finn. And Rey is not allowed, that’s another story for another time; I hope this doesn’t seem like the process of elimination because I really want you there with me.” Biting your lip, your eyes were focused on him. “I’ll try and make it.” He fixed his glasses and that answer seemed to satisfy you. He knew Nassar had a family and would want to go away even if he didn’t say anything; Olcan was getting better, but he couldn’t leave him alone. So maybe, it was time to recruit more Knights.

                                           ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In less than 24 hours that the Knights of Ren had posted about “Looking for the next Knight”, it became America’s Next Crime Fighter. From videos, pictures, resumes, fanfictions, and essays pertaining to why they should be the next Knight. It was absolutely ridiculous! Matt knew he should entrust the help of his others but to be perfectly honest they were strangers with good intentions, but he felt more comfortable choosing because he was the one who initiated this. Not to mention the one candidate who caught him by surprise. The position was chosen: A young jokester from the South, who Matt had seen plenty of times. He was a nice kid that was misunderstood; on scholarship, an orphan with a good heart who was, sadly, still teased for his southern twang and dreary clothes. But that never seemed to break his merry spirits, although sometimes his anger would get the best of him. Matt understood this and was quick to take him under his wing, fitting very well into the Knights and gaining the name Lorcan Ren. Things were looking pretty well, Matt had definitely RSVP’d to the family dinner.

He had agreed to come to Thanksgiving, that had Y/N just bursting at the seams. It might’ve been fall, but your smile made each day warmer, or that could’ve been global warming. And seeing your smile just made him happy, the happiest he has ever been in probably like ever! But there was still a little problem that followed him. As Kylo, there was this one pest that continued to bother the Knights even after the fact they’ve been denied an invitation to the knights. It was late and the bass could be felt all around Phasma; it was hot, people were sticking to each other and she had to pee. Stumbling in her 5-inch heels, she made her way to the ladies room only to see a line. She rolled her eyes and made her way to the back exit. She propped the door open to gain access from the empty alleyway, or so she thought. “Aye, pretty girl!” A voice made Phasma jumped. She sucked her teeth as she felt the warm liquid slide down her knee. Turning, two slightly shorter guys began to approach her with a sinister smile. “Why are you out here alone?” One of the guys asked. Her face twisted up: “What?” The two boys laughed and began saying something in a different language. Rolling her eyes she started to make her way back to the club before one of them grabbed her. She brushed him off, just to have the two them grab her. With ice-cold blue eyes, she stared at them.

Kylo drove down the dark alleyway to see two men attacking a woman. He hopped off the bike and snuck behind one of the men, twisting his arm and shoving him on the wall. “What type of man are you?” The vocoder vibrated against the man’s ear. “No, no, no,” The man pleaded. “You got the wron-AHH!” He yelled as he was thrown to the ground. He turned to see the other man in a headlock. “No we called you, we need help she’s trying to kill us!” He squealed as the blonde held him tighter. “He made me pee myself!” Her words slurred a little. Though the mask, Matt watched as Phasma completely destroyed the other guy. Phasma let the unconscious man fall to the ground as her chest heaved. The masked man just stared at the woman. “Now are you going to let me be a Knight?” She asked. “N-No, I cannot.” Matt couldn’t put Phasma in harm, not just because of Phasma, but he could only imagine what Hux would do to him if he found out that he was putting her in danger. “Is this because I’m a fucking girl?” Her accent was thick. “Because if so that’s complete bullshit! Before you came, I was taking them both down, with fucking heels that hurt like a cunt!” Phasma continued her rant and he knew there was no winning with that. “Fine.” Phasma almost missed the approval due to the static of the mask. Her red drunk face lit up: “Really?” She began to make her way to hug the Knight, who was taken aback. Phasma wasn’t a hugger and honestly, this was probably the first time she was hugging him. “You won’t be a Knight, but I have something for you.”

                                           ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Captain; that’s what he called Phasma. Gave her a silver helmet to find her at any given moment. She was quite aggressive, so he let her run practice along with Nassar. They instantly clicked maybe because they both came from military families and knew how everything ran. Matt thought it would be great to send her out to the women who contacted them; he thought she would kill him for typecasting her but she enjoyed being a “feminist hero” while not dressing like Wonder Woman, yet still being shiny. A laugh rumbled through Matt’s chest as he thought about it as he waited outside the door to your family’s home. The door opened to show two identical boys looking at him; Matt blinked behind his glasses not knowing what to say. “Uh...Hi, I’m Matt, I’m a,” He cleared his throat. “Y/N’s friend.” The boys’ face lit up. “Ohhhh! Okay, come in, man.” They pulled him in. The scent of food filled his nostrils and music mixed with the voices of children hit his ears. It was just an environment that he had never been in. He was the only child in his entire family; the only companion he ever had was a brown Tibetan Mastiff named Chewbacca, but even that gift for him chose to side with his father. Matt walked into the room, feeling all out of place in the warm-hearted house. “Hey, man!” The familiar voice pulled him out of his daze. He turned to see Finn and four other guys approach him. “This is Matt.” Finn nodded towards him and the three behind him expression changed quickly. Before he could actually read all of them, his name was being called. “MATT!” Your cheery voice alerted them all as you descended the stairs.

He couldn’t help but admire how beautiful you looked. You always looked beautiful, but he guessed being in a comfortable environment. He thought it was his mind making you move in slow motion, but he didn’t see you helping two little babies down the stairs. “Say hi to Matt!” You told the two toddlers, who opted to wave shyly and run away. “Hi Matt,” Y/N smiled up at him and the blush quickly took over his face. She then turned to the boys and gave them evil eyes. “You guys better have been nice to him.” To his surprise, they cowered back in fear. His lips tugged up but he did his best to keep it under wraps. “Um, I-I brought something.” He raised the black bag. “Oh okay, let’s take it to the kitchen.” Matt followed behind you like a lost puppy as he got some looks from your family members. “Mom, Dad, this is Matt,” He turned to see your parents and you were the perfect mix. “Another wh-,” Your dad whispered gaining a smack from your mom. “It’s lovely to have you, Matt. Is it short for Matthew?” Matt shook his head. “Matthias,” Matt nodded. “Aw, that’s nice and different.” Her mother smiled. “You brought something?” Y/N nudged him and he handed over the black bag. Your father was quick to take it and reveal the brown liquid. A nice smirk fell on his lips as he peered at the large bottle of Jack Daniels. His neck was red hoping your father wouldn’t be offended; this was the drink his Uncle Lando brought over all the time. “Good job, boy.” Your father chuckled calling over your Uncles and cousins over for a drink. A wave of relief hit him until you wrapped your fingers around his hand and introduced him to everyone.

Matt doesn’t know how he found himself surrounded by your brothers, cousins, and Finn. But there he was with a drink in hand listening to west coast rap. “Man, he goes to Berkeley and now he swears he from Cali.” One of your cousin jokes. Matt wasn’t really paying attention. He was too busy looking at all the pictures of you and your family, and pictures that stretched back generations. He took in how your cousins and brothers were all unique but got along so well. He also notices that you were practically the middle grandchild; all the boys were older than you, Finn is just three years older than you and then everyone younger than you were all girls, the oldest being 11. His brown eyes couldn’t help but follow you around as you interact with your family and he couldn’t stop his heart from beating faster. “Ay man,” Your brother nudged him out of his daze. “Come to the store with us.” It was more of a command than a question. Matt nodded getting up and following all the boys out the side door. “Hey!” They all froze from the sound of your voice. Even though you were the princess of your family and it was their job to protect you, he could tell they were very much scared of you. “Where are you going?” “To the store.” Her cousin quipped. But, her (y/e/c) eyes were on Matt. “Where are you going?” She inquired. “Um...I wa-was going to the stor-” He stammered before Finn slung an arm around him. “Relax Y/N, we’ll bring your boyfriend back in one piece.” He teased, leaving you quite embarrassed.

Every time a door opened, Y/N’s eyes would wander over, until eventually, the hoard of boys shuffled in. Matt followed behind them, but even with the glasses shielding his eyes, she could make out the glossy, pink orbs that matched his blush. He soon shuffled to the couch to sit next to you. “I didn’t know what going to the store meant.” He laughed into your shoulder, which gained a couple of laughs. “Well, now you know.” You told him. “Are we going to eat soon, I’m hungry.” He whispered. “Lucky for you, we had to wait for you guys to get back.” You rolled your eyes playfully. “Are you mad at me?” He asked and you shook your head no. A dopey smile fell on his lips. “You’re so sweet!” You chuckled and pulled him up from the couch. “Come on, let’s say grace.” Y/N made sure to be far from the other boys so they would be caught joking while Grandma said grace. Technically, Matt and she weren’t together, but she wanted him to make a good impression because hopefully, one day, she would or he would gain the confidence to actually define what their relationship was. Dinner was great, he surprisingly held his own and your Aunts liked that he had a large appetite, your big cousins and brothers strangely enjoyed him too, your little cousins thought he was nice because he played with them, your Uncles and Dad liked him because he knew how to play spades (thanks to Uncle Lando!), and your mom just thought: “He’s the one!” You really DID NOT want to hear that, because you really didn’t want to admit to anyone, even yourself that you felt something really strong for him. But, you would try to keep your mother’s intuition in the back of her head.

Matt stood outside checking the status of the Knights and the General, he chuckled at the name. So far everything was good and there were no messages. The door slid open causing him to turn around and see you. “Hi,” You whispered. “Hi,” He smiled. You walked over to him on the deck. “Did you have a good time?” Y/N asked. “Good? Y/N this was the best Thanksgiving I ever had.” He did the boyish smile that made your heart flutter and you were giddy. “I’m glad it was Matthias.” You cooed. “Hey, my mom was very religious when she was pregnant with me!” He raised his hands up. You laughed: “No, no, I like it it’s cute and different, not basic like Matthew.” You smiled up at him. Silence filled the space between them as the voice of Whitney Houston faintly played in the background. “I’m really glad you invited me.” Matt smiled. “Anytime,” You looked down quickly so he couldn’t see your blushing smile. Matt turned to see your family so entertained in whatever was going in the living room and he realized this is the first time the pair was alone. He placed his right hand on your waist, causing you to jump. “Um...sor- do you want to dance?” A blush was spreading from the tip of his nose to the back of his neck. “Yes,” You whispered at placed your hand in his and began to sway. Your mother was telling off your father about something when she stopped: “Look!” She pointed at the two kids dancing alone at the deck. “Uh-uh.” Your father shook his head and your mother hit him, before smiling at the sight of her happy daughter.

[jerek]

[[MORE]]

i mean for gods sake in canon garrosh calls sylvanas a bitch and implies shes no different than the lich king but in my version she was killed by a misogynistic warlock, literally demonized after her death, and mourned in a Cringy but to my younger self quietly poignant scene by a version of garrosh that only truly comes into her femininity in remembrance and admiration for the woman who she feels alienated from in both nature and values but also spent so much time with, giving an honest ear to her cruel, world-taught views.

I mean for gods sake how did i write this. I accidentally wrote Garrosh as a nonbinary lesbian with a crush on a homophobic woman. Half of what i just detailed was a metaphor for things I would later go on to experience.

And i know this was some lesbian shit because it didnt end there. My version of garrosh was a physically imposing masculine lesbian, but she herself had an alternate version.

The alternate version was smaller, more normatively feminine, and drawn as an animal. In some branches of the story, she’s a reincarnation of the main lesbian garrosh, in a world where everyone else is reincarnated as a symbolic animal version of themselves, but in the main branch she never spoke, never interacted with anyone, and haunted Nagrand like a ghost.

Also let me talk about Nagrand. Fucking nagrand. When she got there is when the REAL feminist theory started. There were three main plot points.

1. it was revealed here that sylvanas lived on in a sort of afterlife. Not the empty blank void that Blizzard sent their favorite misogynist caricature to, to reflect the way they wrote her, but a dreamlike world that floated between the lines of the universe’s rulebook— surrounded by a perpetual rose-gold haze.

Sometimes it was a grassy floating island, with a single tree and a little pool of water, sometimes it was a modern driveway and a street and a park based on my own neighborhood, and then.

Sometimes they’d travel to the furthest edge of the afterlife, and there would be no great gate. Instead, there would be a silver strip, like a metal tightrope, and Sylvanas would walk her down it on their tiptoes, with only one of each woman’s arm extended for balance because the opposite hands were holding each other.

it was a dreamlike world, and until she gave up her life and met her there, she could only ever dream of it.

2. She did, eventually.

it was for garrosh. not my female version, because she had a different name that i would randomly change, but the male garrosh, the canonical garrosh, the garrosh who was meant to escape into the timeline she found herself accidentally in.

she saw him as a big brother, but at the same time, not. he was worse than her, and she knew that, but much like sylvanas it itched in the back of her brain that she could change him, that she could show him a new way like anduin tried to, that if this giving calm existed in her it surely rested dormant in garrosh.

because after all, like a nb lesbian and her favorite male character, she and garrosh were the same person.

garrosh was killed, and she sought revenge. wielding two axes— her own, and that of garrosh, she strode up to thrall and thrust her heart to the sky as she was struck down.

she went to the afterlife, and there sylvanas would sleep atop her chest, under the tree.

3. but before that…

you know how i joke about anduin being a lesbian??

i also used to have a virulent hatred for varian, from my version of anduin— another extended metaphor, this time for how neurodivergence affected my school life and my online life back in 7th grade.

and anduin snuck off.

almost every other day, he’d sneak off; sometimes to the animal world, where instead of being reincarnated he emerged from a dark, underground labyrinth in elwynn to a world that had never heard the words “prince of stormwind”— and unknowingly, he emerged transformed into a wild, half-maned feline.

sometimes to nyalotha, where he could rest, where he could recover, where in a single psychic scream he could eliminate the pull of duty and become not what he perhaps should have been, but what he was nonetheless happy to turn into.

sometimes back to veiled stair, sometimes he would burn the valley of four winds in his black-hole suspicions— he would drink too much of something shadowy purple— and he would sleep well knowing High Queen Proudmoore would understand that though destruction is a choice, one far easier than creation, sometimes the only real choice is whether to do something stupid or just stand by.

but this time, it was him and my version of garrosh. him, and her, and varian back in stormwind.

and he would ask her— why?

she would be silent, and keep bandaging his wounds from the local wildlife. they would heal eventually.

but he wasn’t the only insane, stupid one around. like a child younger than himself, sometimes she would leave their makeshift tent, and sit in the bushes, and sulk.

does it matter, one dream showed me her asking; my thinking, if it only lasts a moment?

he didn’t understand yet, but this wasn’t the branch where he ran from the same problem— a mix of his upbringing and the failures of his brain.

she would ask— “if i feel nothing for any longer than a few minutes,” in a tone i eventually thought betrayed who she was meant to represent— “how do i know that this momentary despair, this momentary rage even matters?”

“does it matter why, if i can do good only because i forget so often my evil nature?”

she would plead— smite her, burn a hole through her eyelid as was done to sylvanas, and remove what makes her this way. what makes her any way.

perhaps when she was redeemed, honorable by both orc and human standards, she would allow herself to die.

only one tear a night fell from my version of garrosh, and though they were both unstable, anduin learned from her. she was his mentor, his aunt, his idol, and his replacing parent.

when the si:7 found him, he was alone. he was scratching in his sleep at reddened pustules around old wolf-bite scars she had helped to close, and they took him back. as they do in every branch where he survives, by trap or by net or by silent cooperation.

through the fevers, he traveled back to stormwind. through the nausea, he embraced his father.

relishing the pain of red pox all over, pain body-wide that had never let itself exist without hellscream, he stabbed his father in varian’s own throne room.

this is how it must end with wrynn kings.

he didn’t know whether the guards slew him or arrested him. he saw only a thin strip of silver, splitting the evening sky, and knew soon he would be there with the woman he felt was truly worthy of being his family.

he experienced what she did. the weight on his heart, closing his throat as he tried to get people to see why he does what he does— why he sees the world the way he does, why it doesn’t mean he’s just a naive idealist waiting patiently for reality to beat it out of him. why it doesn’t make him stupid.

being haunted by himself. the dark face of the moon she was to him was small, and spindly, and though it was striped, unlike a lion, it wore a thick, soft mane from the top of its head down to its chest. he didn’t think the dead could laugh, but here he was— because what stalked him wherever he went was so much like her. big, and strong, and when he was alone daydreaming instead of performing for the crown, he imagined it free from the alliance.

dreaming of what could be. even with his own garrosh, he felt a familiarity that ate at him— how deep and warm his voice, how bright his eyes, how quick his temper— and how breakable he felt, from the moment his father woke every morning, to that moment in draenor where he saw another towering figure in solid stance, with hair long and tied, stare down at him and ask— who are you?

and with her, he could answer that.

i am what i am, he would tell her, the moment his soul untangled from his form, and there are no words in my language to describe me.

except for one, if his new mother would see fit— if orcish surnames could pass the grave he might feel around him were he able to move.

she had once called herself garrosh, because she thought she was him.

now, though it would take courage, as all things seemed to take when done her way— he would ask if he was a hellscream yet.

honorable to orcs and humans alike.

[sithlordintraining]

Knight of the Night (Modern Superhero/Vigilante Au!Matt)

A/N: HAPPY THANKSGIVING!! As a treat for an eventful day, here is a Thanksgiving special of Knight of the Night.  You honestly don’t need to read the whole series to read this story. But, if you do like it, I recommend you checking it out. 

Summary: Matt Organa-Solo, a 21-year old psychology student at Academia: University of First Order. He was the only child of Senator Leia Organa-Solo and Retired Chief of Police Han Organa-Solo. It was a problematic community, but not as terrible as some other towns and colleges. But somehow, he always found himself always somehow saving one someone, literally. After a crazy night, will Matt dare venture to become the hero this place needs?

Vol. #8- Invitation Only (Thanksgiving Special)

The leaves crunched beneath the Doc Martens owned by Y/N and Matt. Matt turned to give her a soft smile, which was gifted with a joyful laugh. Over the past few weeks, the pair were growing closer; dare to say even dating. Of course, nothing was stated that this was true nor sealed with a kiss. But, it was their actions that made it all too clear. Matt was always meeting up with you, getting you food and drinks; and you were always making him happy, showing him new things and places, and just being super cute, the both of them. The cafe’s bell rung out as Matt held the door open for her. Sliding into the booth, Matt sat across from her and watched her remove her scarf. (Y/e/c) eyes sparkled at him. “Your nose is red.” Y/N smiled at him. “URGH!” He let out loudly and dramatically dropped his head down. He heard the giggle escape your lips before hands threaded to his blond locks. His chocolate eyes peered over his gold rims as he sniffled. A pout fell on her glossed lips. Matt had a little cold and hadn’t really been able to hang out. Also, it could be because he didn’t wear the appropriate clothing as Kylo Ren. But, he couldn’t help it. You were a very outgoing girl and he had to ensure your safety even if you didn’t want it.

Midway through their meal, Matt noticed the shrug of her shoulders. “Why are you nervous?” He asked as her fork hit the plate. “Am not!” She chuckled. Two fingers pressed against tense shoulders, they fell down and Matt’s eyes crinkled as he saw your embarrassed face. “You know you can’t tell me anything.” He said holding your stare. You sat on your hands, focusing on keeping your shoulders still. “Are your parents coming back for Thanksgiving?” She asked. Matt shook his head no; “My dad is going to be in Panama with my Uncles, to celebrate their independence day; and my mom will probably be at some summit on the other side of the world.” He said unbothered and that bothered you. “Would you like to, possibly, come to Thanksgiving with my family?” Matt was taken aback. This was a big step in your relationship that wasn’t a relationship. “Yo-you don’t have to do that Y/N.” His fingers ran through his hair. “No Matt, I want you to come.” Your smile was so pressuring he didn’t want to disappoint you, but he didn’t want to feel like a burden and the Knights. “Y/N, I-I, I’m sorry I can’t impose like that.” He stammered. “You won’t!” Your hands wrapped around his larger one. “My parents always tell me I should invite more friends over and I can’t invite Phasma over because of Finn. And Rey is not allowed, that’s another story for another time; I hope this doesn’t seem like the process of elimination because I really want you there with me.” Biting your lip, your eyes were focused on him. “I’ll try and make it.” He fixed his glasses and that answer seemed to satisfy you. He knew Nassar had a family and would want to go away even if he didn’t say anything; Olcan was getting better, but he couldn’t leave him alone. So maybe, it was time to recruit more Knights.

In less than 24 hours that the Knights of Ren had posted about “Looking for the next Knight”, it became America’s Next Crime Fighter. From videos, pictures, resumes, fanfictions, and essays pertaining to why they should be the next Knight. It was absolutely ridiculous! Matt knew he should entrust the help of his others but to be perfectly honest they were strangers with good intentions, but he felt more comfortable choosing because he was the one who initiated this. Not to mention the one candidate who caught him by surprise. The position was chosen: A young jokester from the South, who Matt had seen plenty of times. He was a nice kid that was misunderstood; on scholarship, an orphan with a good heart who was, sadly, still teased for his southern twang and dreary clothes. But that never seemed to break his merry spirits, although sometimes his anger would get the best of him. Matt understood this and was quick to take him under his wing, fitting very well into the Knights and gaining the name Lorcan Ren. Things were looking pretty well, Matt had definitely RSVP’d to the family dinner.

He had agreed to come to Thanksgiving, that had Y/N just bursting at the seams. It might’ve been fall, but your smile made each day warmer, or that could’ve been global warming. And seeing your smile just made him happy, the happiest he has ever been in probably like ever! But there was still little problem that followed him. As Kylo, there was this one pest that continued to bother the Knights even after the fact they’ve been denied an invitation to the knights. It was late and the bass could be felt all around Phasma; it was hot, people were sticking to each other and she had to pee. Stumbling in her 5-inch heels, she made her way to the ladies room only to see a line. She rolled her eyes and made her way to the back exit. She propped the door open to gain access from the empty alleyway, or so she thought. “Aye, pretty girl!” A voice made Phasma jumped. She sucked her teeth as she felt the warm liquid slide down her knee. Turning, two slightly shorter guys began to approach her with a sinister smile. “Why are you out here alone?” One of the guys asked. Her face twisted up: “What?” The two boys laughed and began saying something in a different language. Rolling her eyes she started to make her way back to the club before one of them grabbed her. She brushed him off, just to have the two them grab her. With ice cold blue eyes, she stared at them.

Kylo drove down the dark alleyway to see two men attacking a woman. He hopped off the bike and snuck behind one of the men, twisting his arm and shoving him on the wall. “What type of man are you?” The vocoder vibrated against the man’s ear. “No, no, no,” The man pleaded. “You got the wron-AHH!” He yelled as he was thrown to the ground. He turned to see the other man in a headlock. “No we called you, we need help she’s trying to kill us!” He squealed as the blonde held him tighter. “He made me pee myself!” Her words slurred a little. Though the mask, Matt watched as Phasma completely destroyed the other guy. Phasma let the unconscious man fall to the ground as her chest heaved. The masked man just stared at the woman. “Now are you going to let me be a Knight?” She asked. “N-No, I cannot.” Matt couldn’t put Phasma in harm, not just because of Phasma, but he could only imagine what Hux would do to him if he found out that he was putting her in danger. “Is this because I’m a fucking girl?” Her accent was thick. “Because if so that’s complete bullshit! Before you came, I was taking them both down, with fucking heels that hurt like a cunt!” Phasma continued her rant and he knew there was no winning with that. “Fine.” Phasma almost missed the approval due to the static of the mask. Her red drunk face lit up: “Really?” She began to make her way to hug the Knight, who was taken aback. Phasma wasn’t a hugger and honestly, this was probably the first time she was hugging him. “You won’t be a Knight, but I have something for you.”

The Captain; that’s what he called Phasma. Gave her a silver helmet to find her at any given moment. She was quite aggressive, so he let her run practice along with Nassar. They instantly clicked maybe because they both came from military families and knew how everything ran. Matt thought it would be great to send her out to the women who contacted them; he thought she would kill him for typecasting her but she enjoyed being a “feminist hero” while not dressing like Wonder Woman, yet still being shiny. A laugh rumbled through Matt’s chest as he thought about it as he waited outside the door to your family’s home. The door opened to show two identical boys looking at him; Matt blinked behind his glasses not knowing what to say. “Uh...Hi, I’m Matt, I’m a,” He cleared his throat. “Y/N’s friend.” The boys face lit up. “Ohhhh! Okay, come in, man.” They pulled him in. The scent of food filled his nostrils and music mixed with the voices of children hit his ears. It was just an environment that he had never been in. He was the only child in his entire family; the only companion he ever had was a brown Tibetan Mastiff named Chewbacca, but even that gift for him chose to side with his father. Matt walked into the room, feeling all out of place in the warm-hearted house. “Hey, man!” The familiar voice pulled him out of his daze. He turned to see Finn and four other guys approach him. “This is Matt.” Finn nodded towards him and the three behind him expression changed quickly. Before he could actually read all of them, his name was being called. “MATT!” Your cheery voice alerted them all as you descended the stairs.

He couldn’t help but admire how beautiful you looked. You always looked beautiful, but he guessed being in a comfortable environment. He thought it was his mind making you move in slow motion, but he didn’t see you helping two little babies down the stairs. “Say hi to Matt!” You told the two toddlers, who opted to wave shyly and run away. “Hi Matt,” Y/N smiled up at him and the blush quickly took over his face. She then turned to the boys and gave them evil eyes. “You guys better have been nice to him.” To his surprise, they cowered back in fear. His lips tugged up but he did his best to keep it under wraps. “Um, I-I brought something.” He raised the black bag. “Oh okay, let’s take it to the kitchen.” Matt followed behind you like a lost puppy as he got some looks from your family members. “Mom, Dad, this is Matt,” He turned to see your parents and you were the perfect mix. “Another wh-,” Your dad whispered gaining a smack from your mom. “It’s lovely to have you, Matt. Is it short for Matthew?” Matt shook his head. “Matthias,” Matt nodded. “Aw, that’s nice and different.” Her mother smiled. “You brought something?” Y/N nudged him and he handed over the black bag. Your father was quick to take it and reveal the brown liquid. A nice smirk fell on his lips as he peered at the large bottle of Jack Daniels. His neck was red hoping your father wouldn’t be offended; this was the drink his Uncle Lando brought over all the time. “Good job, boy.” Your father chuckled calling over your Uncles and cousins over for a drink. A wave of relief hit him until you wrapped your fingers around his hand and introduced him to everyone.

Matt doesn’t know how he found himself surrounded by your brothers, cousins, and Finn. But there he was with a drink in hand listening to west coast rap. “Man, he goes to Berkeley and now he swears he from Cali.” One of your cousin jokes. Matt wasn’t really paying attention. He was too busy looking at all the pictures of you and your family, and pictures that stretched back generations. He took in how your cousins and brothers were all unique but got along so well. He also notices that you were practically the middle grandchild; all the boys were older than you, Finn is just three years older than you and then everyone younger than you were all girls, the oldest being 11. His brown eyes couldn’t help but follow you around as you interacted with your family and he couldn’t stop his heart from beating faster. “Ay man,” Your brother nudged him out of his daze. “Come to the store with us.” It was more of a command than a question. Matt nodded getting up and following all the boys out the side door. “Hey!” They all froze from the sound of your voice. Even though you were the princess of your family and it was their job to protect you, he could tell they were very much scared of you. “Where are you going?” “To the store.” Her cousin quipped. But, her (y/e/c) eyes were on Matt. “Where are you going?” She inquired. “Um...I wa-was going to the stor-” He stammered before Finn slung an arm around him. “Relax Y/N, we’ll bring your boyfriend back in one piece.” He teased, leaving you quite embarrassed.

Everytime a door opened, Y/N’s eyes would wander over, until eventually, the hoard of boys shuffled in. Matt followed behind them, but even with the glasses shielding his eyes, she could make out the glossy, pink orbs that matched his blush. He soon shuffled to the couch to sit next to you. “I didn’t know what going to the store meant.” He laughed into your shoulder, which gained a couple of laughs. “Well, now you know.” You told him. “Are we going to eat soon, I’m hungry.” He whispered. “Lucky for you, we had to wait for you guys to get back.” You rolled your eyes playfully. “Are you mad at me?” He asked and you shook your head no. A dopey smile fell on his lips. “You’re so sweet!” You chuckled and pulled him up from the couch. “Come on, let’s say grace.” Y/N made sure to be far from the other boys so they would be caught joking while Grandma said grace. Technically, Matt and she weren’t together, but she wanted him to make a good impression because hopefully, one day, she would or he would gain the confidence to actually define what their relationship was. Dinner was great, he surprisingly held his own and your Aunts liked that he had a large appetite, your big cousins and brothers strangely enjoyed him too, your little cousins thought he was nice because he played with them, your Uncles and Dad liked him because he knew how to play spades (thanks to Uncle Lando!), and your mom just thought: “He’s the one!” You really DID NOT want to hear that, because you really didn’t want to admit to anyone, even yourself that you felt something really strong for him. But, you would try to keep your mother’s intuition in the back of her head.

Matt stood outside checking the status of the Knights and the General, he chuckled at the name. So far everything was good and there were no messages. The door slid open causing him to turn around and see you. “Hi,” You whispered. “Hi,” He smiled. You walked over to him on the deck. “Did you have a good time?” Y/N asked. “Good? Y/N this was the best Thanksgiving I ever had.” He did the boyish smile that made your heart flutter and you were giddy. “I’m glad it was Matthias.” You cooed. “Hey, my mom was very religious when she was pregnant with me!” He raised his hands up. You laughed: “No, no, I like it it’s cute and different, not basic like Matthew.” You smiled up at him. Silence filled the space between them as the voice of Whitney Houston faintly played in the background. “I’m really glad you invited me.” Matt smiled. “Anytime,” You looked down quickly so he couldn’t see your blushing smile. Matt turned to see your family so entertained in whatever was going in the living room and he realized this is the first time the pair was alone. He placed his right hand on your waist, causing you to jump. “Um...sor- do you want to dance?” A blush was spreading from the tip of his nose to the back of his neck. “Yes,” You whispered at placed your hand in his and began to sway. Your mother was telling off your father about something when she stopped: “Look!” She pointed at the two kids dancing alone at the deck. “Uh-uh.” Your father shook his head and your mother hit him, before smiling at the sight of her happy daughter.

P.S.: Hope you enjoyed with your food babies. This one is dedicated to @afor-alex who LOVES this and I don’t post any new chapters on here. But, hopefully, you guys have fallen in love with some good wholesome Matt.

[princessdevy03]

Tumblr Exclusive!!!!

Author’s Note: My peeps with prostates – GET THAT SHIT CHECKED!

For @anybodihearme and No Shave November....

Hair RaisEdd

Kevin trudged through Jimmy’s kitchen and then practically threw himself into the seat in the middle of the floor.

“What’s it going to be?” The blond asked as he pulled Kevin’s ever present snapback off his head and handed it to him before flipping out the smock that would keep the redhead’s clothes free from auburn clippings.

“The usual and do you think you can line me up?” Kevin asked sheepishly as he removed his scarf and Jimmy gasped.

“Well, hello there, Stud,” the blond giggled and Kevin’s cheeks and hair started to match.

“C’mon, Jimmy,” the ginger whined and Jimmy whipped the smock around him with a flourish.

“You got it.”

Twenty minutes later, the smock was covered in auburn and black hair, but Kevin felt like he looked okay.

Not like his dad, but like he was trying too hard to look grown up, either.

So maybe he could get a date this weekend and not look like a total douchebag skeeveball doing it.

“You’re gonna knock ‘em dead, Dude,” Jimmy snickered when Kevin handed him the mirror back and stood up to dig out his wallet.  “Hey, Edd!”

Kevin turned around as Edd shut the door and while Edd knew it was rude to stare, he couldn’t help himself.

Or the force of habit that made him tug his beanie off his head as soon as he walked into Jimmy’s home barber shop.

Wild ebony curls flopped out from under the hat, white streaks crowding around the crown of his head making him look a bit like a mad scientist, or angel, Kevin couldn’t decide.

But the genius was floored that the black beard Kevin had apparently been hiding all Halloween weekend was on his face at all as his face was generally hairless any other time he had ever seen him.

“That’ll be $20, Kev,” Jimmy said as he wiggled his fingers at the stunned ginger, breaking the shock and awe going down in his kitchen. “And not a word of this to anyone, understand?” He continued as he pocketed the money with one hand and pointed at a sheepish Edd with the other.

When Kevin started to protest, Jimmy gave him a silencing glare and the redhead nodded before hurrying out the house, clapping Edd on the shoulder, tossing a small, “But it looks good, though,” over his own as the backdoor slammed behind him.

“Knock ‘em dead, Kev!” Jimmy called after him with a laugh and Kevin’s groan resounded all over the backyard, which made one of Rolf’s chickens squawk in annoyance at all the noise.

Edd let out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding when the door slammed closed and Jimmy giggled.

“He won’t tell,” the blond said firmly as he flipped all of Kevin’s hair off the smock and Edd took off his coat, putting his beanie in a sleeve.

“I know.”

“You boys behave!” Mrs Vincent said as she slipped into the Über, Edd’s father sizing up the redhead standing next to his son before his wife hissed at him to get in the car.

“Goodbye! Call me when you land!” Edd called after them with a few enthusiastic hand waves goodbye as the car pulled away and Mrs Vincent blew kisses as Mr Vincent glared at Kevin.

“Can we go inside now!?” Kevin whined once the ride sharing service car pulled out of the cul-de-sac. “My face is cold.”

“His face is cold,” Edd mocked as he jammed his key in the front door’s lock and stormed inside. “YOUR FACE IS COLD?!” He screamed as Kevin slammed the door behind him and started to toe off his shoes.

“JIMMY’S SEEN YOUR HAIR!” Kevin retorted and both of Edd’s shoes hit him in his shins as the ravenette stormed into the kitchen.

Kevin found him pacing between the sink and the stove, hands in front of his face in thoughtful contemplation, but his blue eyes were still in a same state of shock as they were the day before when they ran into each other at Jimmy’s.

The same shock they’ve been in all night since Kevin stopped by to hang out and had dinner with Edd and his parents before heading to the arcade to hang out some more, grab some ice cream, and then head back to Edd’s just as his parents left for another quick business trip.

“What?!” Kevin said accusingly and Edd exploded.

“What?! What do you mean, ‘what?!’” He seethed. “Where in the world did all that hair on your face come from?!”

“The same place as the hair on your head!” Kevin snarked back and Edd screamed in exasperation. “Don’t you dare, Double Dork!” Kevin fumed. “How come Jimmy can see your hair but I can’t?!”

Edd looked into hurt green eyes and knew that while he may have been wrong to keep his secret from Kevin for so long, he still needed to get his hair cut and Jimmy wasn’t gonna brag about it.

“Because you can’t keep your mouth shut!”

“Can, too!”

“You all but told my parents we’ve had sex! You don’t do that!”

“Well we can’t have sex when I can’t get my damn boyfriend out of his damn hat or pants for that matter,” Kevin pouted as he eyeballed the beanie on Edd’s head.

Edd stared at him in sheer speechlessness for a few moments before whispering, “Your boyfriend?”

Kevin kicked off the kitchen island he was leaning on and walked over to the stunned teen in the middle of the kitchen.

“Only if you want to be, Edd.”

Mutual crushes became obvious after they hung out all night chatting and catching up after spending most of their summer away from home with academic camps and a family vacation on Edd’s part and sports camps and a family reunion on Kevin’s at Nazz’s Back To School party Labor Day weekend.

They went to the homecoming dance as friends, as the other Eds got dates, Nazz went with Johnny, and Marie was skipping the event in feminist protest, but most were sure that it was because Edd wouldn’t take her. When Kevin took Edd out to his favorite pho place for his birthday, Edd’s mother was falling all over herself fawning over their blossoming bromance and his father started to stare the redhead down every chance he got.

When they came back from the ice cream parlor, they were holding hands, and Mrs Vincent was beside herself.

Edd was sure that his father would want to have a chat with him Wednesday evening when they got back home, but his buzzing phone on the counter let him know that nearly everyone that saw them out tonight was wondering what Kevin was wondering rightthissecond.

He slid his beanie off his head and scared blue eyes, full of fear of rejection, looked up into awed green, and a heavy hand twisted itself into silky curls as it tugged their owner in for a kiss.

Edd whined a bit at the scruff of Kevin’s mustache on his upper lip, but the apologetic smooch he got more than made up for the small scratch.

“Is that a yes?”

Blue eyes twinkled as Edd nodded and the next kiss was deeper, the scruff of Kevin’s beard on his chin tickled a bit and he squeaked so Kevin pulled away.

“You okay?”

Edd sighed as he took his face in his hands and said, “This is gonna take some getting used to,” as his thumbs rubbed at the trail of black hair on Kevin’s jaw.

“You’ve got a month,” Kevin shrugged.

“Then let’s get started,” Edd smirked as he drew him in for another kiss, but his hands fell away from his face as Kevin’s tongue teased the gap in his teeth and he moaned.

“Yes, let’s,” Kevin growled as he pulled away and then started to pull Edd to his room.

They fell onto the bed, hands everywhere, the scruff of Kevin’s beard on Edd’s neck driving him insane.

He shoved the redhead’s hands down his pants, moaning for more and begging for relief all at the same time.

Kevin hated that the hair on his face came in a completely different color than the hair on his head and started shaving as soon as the first few dark hairs sprouted towards the end of eighth grade.

They were juniors now, and between his Granddad’s prostate cancer and Nazz’s fussing, he finally decided to grow out a beard for No Shave November.

Begging off of Nazz’s Halloween party with an excuse of homework and finishing up his extension on his art midterm, and thankful that Edd’s parents were in town to distract him from his self-imposed absence, he didn’t put a razor to his face for a full 32 hours.

With his head in a helmet for the game on Friday, everyone wound up in Halloween celebrations on Saturday, he woke up Sunday morning looking just like his father.

But it was all scraggly and messy and he knew he needed help.

Jimmy was clutch, for sure, and even his mom said he looked like young man and not her big baby.

He just didn’t expect Edd to react the way he did, but he liked the smol smarty pants reaction.

He liked it a lot.

Every kiss had a sound coming out of Edd that’s just making him want to do more, but only as far as Edd will let him.

And Edd was hitting the throttle like he’d pump his Harley through the hills that surrounded their small town.

But once he got Edd out of his pants, he stopped.

“Whaaaaaat?!” Edd whined, fully turned on, half naked with only his tank top and socks on as Kevin stared at his crotch.

“Oh. My. Gawd.”

Edd looked down to see what Kevin was staring at and he squeaked when he figured it out and went to cover himself, but Kevin’s hands were faster and locked his long arms above his head.

“Hooooooow?!” He drawled in shocked lust, a silly, slightly mischievous grin on his face, his eyes sparkling with sheer delight.

“I don’t know! Genetics?!” Edd squeaked shyly and Kevin wanted to get all up in his damn gene pool as he looked back down at the mound of red hair between Edd’s legs that ain’t his!

“What the hell kind of genetics is that?!” Kevin said as he released his arms to use both of his hands to point at the joy of Ireland that shows all of Edd’s manhood.

“I could ask you the same damn question!” Edd retorted as he grabbed Kevin’s face, thumbs firmly pinching black haired cheeks.

“My mom’s from Wales.”

“The French have a few redheads, too,” Edd sighed. “I mean, Europe as a whole has a bunch of them running around so it goes to reason that the gene pool will produce a few anomalies.”

“This is not an anomaly,” Kevin said huskily as he took Edd’s cock in his hand and the smaller male arched his back on a moan. “This is fucking amazing.”

A kiss to each nipple made him giggle, tiny bites to his side had him squirming, and Edd knew he wasn’t behaving and didn’t care when Kevin took all of who he was into the back of his throat and hummed.

His nose buried deep in Zestfully clean auburn curls made him well up a bit because he couldn’t believe he was finally getting to touch the boy he couldn’t get off his mind.

Said boy couldn’t keep his hands off his face and Kevin’s ego was getting stroked.

Soft hands smoothed back the hair on his beard a bit before gripping his jaw to get him to suck him down harder. When he did so, a bit of pre-cum came out and Kevin had to pull off of him because he knew he’d get him to cum but he wasn’t ready for that just yet.

“Why?!” Edd sobbed as he kissed the mound of red hair that was making him feel a bit like a bull in a china shop.

“B-Because,” Kevin stuttered, suddenly realizing that he didn’t know if Edd was truly ready to go all the way just yet.

“Well, if you’re not going to finish me off then kill me because I’m going to die!” Edd cried, tears coming down his cheeks like rain, hurt in his blue eyes.

“You’re not going to die,” Kevin smiled as pulled him into a cuddle. “I just…”

“Oh. You’re not ready, yet?” Edd asked softly.

“Oh, I’m plenty ready,” Kevin said reassuringly. “I was just wondering –“

He was cut off by Edd rolling him over onto his back and then sitting on his stomach, ass rubbing softly, teasingly against his cock.

“I’m ready when you are.”

And Irish eyes smiled.

It wasn’t anything they hadn’t done before, at least not to each other. Just themselves in curious exploration, then needed hormonal relief.

Where Kevin would need a gentler touch, Edd liked it rougher.

Kisses on his neck turned him on and made him open himself a bit more to the redhead, which made it easier to accept the dick he spent way too much time thinking about in the one place no one but him would ever touch.

A condom provided protection from the semen induced mess and eased Edd’s germ filled mind, and a bit more slickness to the task at hand as the lubed up touches got harder and kisses got rougher, a few leaving burning marks in their wake.

When Edd finally got through the haze the pain of sex had sent him into, he looked up to the man hovering above him, the strain in his arms showing with throbbing veins and his face went hot from all his staring.

“You okay?”

“Move.”

A slightly relieved moan turned into a shrill cry as Kevin’s hips moved out slowly only to snap back in.

“I’m s-sorry.”

“I-It’s okay. J-Just go slow. Please.”

Edd clung to him as he did his best to move as slow as possible moving his face to expose his neck and silently ask for more of those stupid delicious neck kisses.

He shifted his shaking legs a bit to relax them from the strain of being held open so wide, and it made Kevin hit his prostate.

Hard.

He was sure he’d never screamed like that in his life, but he was also sure he’d never felt anything like that ever before, either.

And he needed it to happen again.

NOW.

“A-Again.”

Kevin growled before biting his collarbone as he gave another hard thrust and Edd’s perfectly manicured nails left their mark across his back as he arched his back and screamed again.

“D-Don’t you d-dare stop.”

“Never.”

A heavy hand twisted into his hair and pulled while the other held his knee into his chest. He wrapped his free leg around the redhead’s hips and they kissed sloppily while Kevin railed him as fast and as hard as he could.

When Kevin felt the grip on his shoulders loosen and one of Edd’s hands crawl into the space between them he pulled back a bit to see what the other was up to.

“I don’t think so,” he huffed as batted Edd’s hand away from himself and the ravenette fell back into the bed on a choked sob that turned into a moan as Kevin gripped him and tried to keep his hand and hips moving at the same time.

He failed, but Edd didn’t care.

An opened mouth kiss to the sensitive spot behind his right ear had him shaking, but it was the tiny kiss to the underside of his jaw that made his overstimulated body cum, screaming the redhead’s name into the ceiling so shrilly, if he didn’t have a look of sheer bliss on his face, Kevin was sure he’d hurt him.

But Edd squishing his face into his neck did kinda hurt, especially since he couldn’t breathe and he had to wiggle away, leaving tiny kisses and beard scratches behind as he did so and Edd hummed as he melted into the bed.

In the afterglow, Edd guided him through all their usual kisses that first began after Edd’s birthday, but today seemed just a bit more sweeter, even with the hair on Kevin’s face making things different.

“Just a month?” Edd asked as they sat on the floor of his shower, the hot water easing the crick in his back as he leaned into Kevin’s chest.

“Us?” Kevin asked frantically as he sat up from leaning in the back of the tub and Edd cracked a smirk at the pout on his silly, grown up face.

“No, this,” he said as he pointed to Kevin’s beard.

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Edd giggled. “I’m not breaking up with you in a month, that’s just silly.”

“Yeah, yeah, ya dork,” Kevin muttered. “I guess I can keep it, if ya like it…”

“I do,” Edd said with a thoughtful look in his eyes. “But, it’s your face.”

“Let’s give it a month,” Kevin shrugged as he pulled him close again.

Ten years later, they got married in November.

Jimmy lined up Kevin’s beard for the event and toasted to them and the continuation of the longest No Shave November ever.

[clairesighs]

Queen of Uncertainty

Here is the promised Kadena fic for @adena-el-haught

http://archiveofourown.org/works/11625432 or read under the cut

I’m happy to write fics for people to help them stop procrastinating! If you’re on tumblr and should be studying - give me a Kadena prompt and I’ll start writing it once you’ve done some study.

It had been two days since the kiss and Kat was trying so hard not to rush into things. Adena still had to sort out all her Coco issues and Kat was not going to get into a relationship with someone who hadn't fully broken up with their girlfriend yet. They'd had one of the best kisses Kat had ever had only to find out that Adena hadn't really talked to Coco about how they were going to deal with their long distance situation. One second they were passionately kissing outside Adena's apartment and Adena's arm was on her lower back, then in her hair and cupping her face and the next they were standing looking at each other, unsure what to do next.

Kat was usually the casual one, never getting too close to people in case of this very situation. She wasn't ready to get so invested in something and have it be ripped away before it had a chance to get started. Adena had thrown her into a haze of soft lips and longing looks and Kat was finding it too damn hard to get any work done. All she wanted to do was see Adena and continue where they left off. Because where they left off was a very nice place to be. Except she was stuck at work with a whole new social media campaign to plan and she kept day-dreaming about Adena arriving at the office and pulling her into the fashion closet, against the door and...

Kat was interrupted by Jacqueline, "Kat? Are you okay?"

She looked concerned. Kat jumped, "Oh I'm fine. Just thinking real hard about the best hashtag for this piece."

Her boss nodded slyly at her. She always seemed to read Kat's mind, "Oh ok. I'm expecting a spectacular hashtag with that look of concentration."

Kat rolled her shoulders back, "Of course. I'm thinking something along the lines of hashtag clintongoesscarlet." Jacqueline winced. Kat mentally kicked herself.

She shouldn't have opened her mouth if she was so unprepared, "Maybe that needs some work," she admitted. Jacqueline repeated her question from earlier, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm great. Just juggling a few balls. Don't worry. I've got this."

"I've got no qualms about that. But get on it a little quicker. Our first interview with Hillary Clinton needs to be big. We want this out by 6 am tomorrow."

"It'll be ready," Kat assured her. Jacqueline nodded and walked away from Kat's desk, before suddenly turning around, "How did things go with Adena?"

Kat choked, "I'm sorry?"

"Did you work things out with her about the police situation?"

"Um yeah," she said. God, it's not like her boss knew about the other situation.

"Good. She seems to be really attached to you. You must have really impressed her when you convinced her to work with Scarlet. She sent me a letter commending your representation of our brand. She admitted to misjudging us. I'm glad you're our social media manager. There's no one else I'd want in charge of putting out our feminist branding," Jacqueline smiled before turning and addressing another staffer.

Adena had written a letter to Jacqueline. A letter to her boss praising her. Kat wondered when she had written it. Was it before or after the kiss? Before or after she punched that asshole on the street? Before or after the art gallery where Kat had first discovered Coco. God, she was so messed up about the whole situation. She wished things were simple and she could just jump straight into the easy bit of a relationship. Like Jane and Sutton. They seemed to find relationships so easy. Why was she overthinking this? She was never the over-thinker before. She knew what she wanted and she always got it. But what if this time she couldn't have what she wanted. What if that fantastic kiss was the only kiss she'd get with Adena.

The only thing she knew for sure was that she was not getting any work done with the Adena mess still tangling in her brain. She needed to sort it out before she could return to being Kat, Scarlet's Superwoman. Because she was every bit that woman. On any other day. She got up from her desk, chucking her phone in her back pocket and walked confidently over to Jane's desk. She pulled on the woman's arm, dragging her silently behind her until they reached Sutton's new desk in the fashion department. Sutton looked up at them and the tight grip Kat had on Jane's wrist and rose from her seat, concerned.

"Fashion closet. Now," Kat said, letting go of Jane's arm and walking quickly to the room in the centre of the office. Once they'd managed to shoo everyone else out of the room, Sutton started.

"What is going on?" She asked exasperatedly.

"I need help," Kat said simply.

"With what?" Jane asked, "You know I love you, but I've got to double check Alex's interview with Hillary Clinton," she said highlighting the name as if Kat didn't already know the importance of Scarlet's latest piece.

"I know, I know. This will be quick. I just... I need you guys' advice on what I should do about Adena. I...I can't... I can't think or do anything right now. I'm a mess!" She said loudly, "I can't stop thinking about her. I just, I just need it to be ok."

Sutton and Jane looked at each other and back at Kat sympathetically. Sutton reached out sympathetically for Kat's shoulder, "Kat. It's going to be fine. You're just in the messy bit right now. For all you know, she's talked to Coco and broken up with her already. Maybe you just need to show up for her. Show her that you'll be there."

"And what if it doesn't work out. What if I've broken up a two-year relationship and then I chicken out like I always do and what if I'm not even queer. What if I just got confused for a hot minute?" Kat said, her voice shaking.

"Kat," Jane cut through sharply, "Look, we can't tell you for sure that it's going to work out. I mean, we're certainly not experts on sexuality or relationships. Hell, I hadn't even had an orgasm until a few days ago," Kat and Sutton laughed, "But I know that you've never been like this with anyone before. I think the fact that you can't stop thinking about her. That you fucking detailed every second of that kiss to us, means something. You're Kat, the most courageous person we know. You're not afraid to get vulnerable and tell people what you really think. I don't think that has to change just because there's more uncertainty there. You're the queen of uncertainty. You make uncertain situations your bitch."

Kat laughed, "God, you guys are good at pep talks."

"We learnt from the best," Sutton said.

"Right, so..." Jane leant in expectantly.

"I need to go talk to Adena," Kat said definitively.

"That, you do," Sutton confirmed.

"Ok, I think I can do it," Kat nodded.

"Of course you can," said Jane, "and hopefully when you get back to the office in an hour you'll have a whole new kiss scene to describe."

"You think I'll only be an hour?" Kat said cheekily, looking over her shoulder as she walked out the door.

Kat arrived at Adena's studio, hoping that she'd be there. She had her favourite yellow blazer on and felt ready to get the girl. She'd even listened to her favourite music playlist on the Subway. She was ready.

She walked into the huge room and spotted her immediately. She was sitting at her desk editing pictures. She looked beautiful. She had one hand on her face, biting her lip with concentration. Her lipstick was a perfect dark red colour and Kat used all her energy not to picture the kiss again. She had a purpose, goddammit!

Adena looked up, surprised, "Kat."

"That's my name," she replied, smiling.

"I've been meaning to call you all day," Adena said. Kat walked towards the desk. Adena got up and walked toward Kat. Kat had a momentary pause of panic. Was she going in for a kiss or? A hug. Adena put her arms around Kat, squeezing tighter than their previous hugs. Kat couldn't help thinking how good she smelled.

The hug lasted just a second too long. Like neither was sure who was meant to talk first. Kat pulled out of the hug but she didn't pull away from Adena. She stood tall.

Kat pumped herself up, "I couldn't stop thinking about you. I was going to give you space to try and work out whatever you needed to work out with Coco. It's just...I'm finding that really hard to do right now."

Adena smiled, "I'm glad you came."

"I just couldn't stand the idea of letting this float away," Kat said, gesturing between them.

"Kat, I would never let you just 'float away'," Adena laughed.

"So...," Kat started

Adena interrupted her, "I talked to Coco."

"Oh, right, " Kat said, her heart beating fast. She had no idea what would come after that sentence.

"We agreed that things haven't really been working for a while and that we didn't want to pursue a long-distance relationship."

Kat didn't really know what she should do. It was exactly what she wanted, but she knew celebration was not the reaction to someone telling you they just had a break-up.

"How are you feeling?" Kat asked.

"Honestly? I'm feeling pretty relieved," she said. Kat reached for her hand, stroking her thumb.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she confirmed, looking into Kat's eyes, "It means, I won't feel guilty about this," she said, taking a small step closer to Kat. But Kat, anticipating her move, reached out for Adena's face and pulled her in this time. Their lips met and it was softer and slower than last time. Like they weren't afraid the moment was going to end and they could just enjoy each and every second. Adena like last time, moved her hand around Kat's waist, pulling her closer. And god, if this wasn't what life was about, then she didn't know anything.

Kat didn't know if she was bi or if maybe she just hadn't explored the options before. She was uncertain about a lot. She was the Queen of Uncertainty, but if this was what uncertainty felt like. She didn't mind one bit.

[tentbat8-blog]

Berry Buttermilk Scones

We all blasted through the front door a few hours ago, feet dirty and a bit exhausted from a full day of blueberry picking — something that’s become a bit of a family tradition in late July ever since Oliver was born. We have photos out in the field with O in the baby carrier, chubby legs swaying in the breeze while I obsessively applied sunscreen every ten minutes. Last year found Oliver and his friend Lewis traipsing through the rows of berries together in the late morning hours, eating more than we ended up taking home. This year’s photos tell a different story: Oliver and I in a big open field used for overflow parking, he sitting on his little potty, me singing songs and chatting away, the sun beating down on the two of us. We’re deep in the thick of potty training, so as it turned out, Sam and Oliver’s Aunt Christa did the brunt of the picking today. But Oliver and I had some good talks while staying hydrated, people watching, and eating Sour Cream and Onion Kettle chips. Not a bad way to spend a morning. And really, it’s never about how many berries we bring home because neither of these years have proven to be particularly bountiful, but it just never feels like high summer until we get out there and start filling our buckets, however slowly.

I’d promised you a savory baking recipe today but I’m still testing it, so instead I bring you mixed berry scones! And no, I didn’t just whip these up using the berries we picked this afternoon because, well, I’m just not that much of a sorceress. But I love this scone recipe for a few reasons, most importantly: their simplicity. I flirted with the idea of calling them Vacation Scones — you know those recipes you kind of keep memorized or you kind of roughly pull together when you’re traveling and they manage to somehow always taste great? For me, I can make an impromptu fruit crisp wherever I may be without a recipe and can make pretty respectable pancakes. These scones are simple enough to start to add to that list: they don’t have any fussy ingredients (I’m looking at you, lemon zest), they don’t require any rolling or turning or cutting butter into the dough (I use a food processor for ease and speed), and they’re easily adaptable. I dig them.

And I did promise I’d share a few other things I’ve been into lately as the summer ticks on. I have a pretty decent commute now with my new job, so I’ve been listening to more podcasts, have been forcing myself to read more in the evenings, and have bookmarked some new recipes. So here’s a quick and loose list of a few of those things:

An American Marriage by Tayari Jones: I’m ashamed to say I have a few pages left of this novel and there’s no good reason (other than I can’t keep my eyes open at night) because it’s such a rich, beautifully-written story and I can’t recommend it enough. On the surface it’s about a marriage, but it speaks so much to the different kinds of love, how time changes people, and the different versions of ourselves that we discover along the way.

Like a Mother by Angela Garbes: I haven’t read this book! So why recommend it? I have MANY friends who have and it’s on my ‘next to read’ list. I love the recent handful of books coming out that speak to a bit of a different experience of pregnancy, labor and motherhood than is portrayed in What to Expect When You’re Expecting. From the description, “With the curiosity of a journalist, the perspective of a feminist, and the intimacy and urgency of a mother, she explores the emerging science behind the pressing questions women have about everything from miscarriage to complicated labors to postpartum changes.” Let’s read this, shall we?!

Momrage Podcast: My online homie Amelia Morris has come out with a really interesting podcast along with her friend Edan Lepucki. They delve into questions about motherhood that are often unpopular or skirted around. And I love that they’re doing it; it’s about time.

Tully: Ok, so at first I didn’t like this movie. I even texted my friend Julie and commiserated with her about our mutual dislike for it. The day after though, after thinking about it in the shower for quite some time, I decided it actually resonated more than I gave it credit for. I love Charlize Theron and, without giving too much away, this film offers a unique and important glimpse into postpartum mental health.

Girls Night In: While I think I’m not necessarily the target age here (I’m guessing it’s more like early 30’s), I’ve been surprised with how much I enjoy this newsletter. It’s really well done, smartly written and always has a few links that interest me.

Green Chile Chicken Verde (in the Instant Pot!): As I mentioned, I (very) reluctantly gave into the craze: I’m the (reluctant) owner of a new Instant Pot and this recipe is calling my name. What else should I make?!

Instant Pot Tomato White Beans: It’s been really too hot to do major cooking this week, so when I stumbled across this recipe, it was immediately bookmarked. I’ve heard that making beans in the Instant Pot is a real game changer, and I’m looking forward to keying up this recipe to find out what all the hype’s about.

Our Favorite Vegan Ice Cream: More often than not we have a pint of Frankie and Jo’s in the freezer. It’s not cheap, but it’s hands down the best vegan ice cream I’ve ever had and just so happens to be a few blocks from our house (but they also ship!). I love the Berries and Cultured Cream flavor this month. So good.

Pin recipe Print recipe

These whole grain scones aren’t too sweet and are a great way to use up a glut of summer berries. Strawberries, raspberries, blackberries or blueberries all work great here (I used a mixture of raspberries and blackberries). As you’re making the dough, remember that flour is your friend: if your dough feels too wet or you’re sticking to your work surface, just add a bit more! These are best the day you bake them, but are still great the second day if stored in an airtight container. Beyond that, freeze them for future weekday breakfasts.

Ingredients

2 cups plus 2 tablespoons (280g) Bob's Red Mill organic whole wheat flour, plus more for work surface

1/3 cup (75g) turbinado sugar, plus more for the tops

1 tablespoon baking powder

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon kosher salt

1/2 cup unsalted butter

1 cup buttermilk, plus more for the tops

1 heaping cup (160g/5.5oz) berries

Instructions

Preheat the oven to 400 F. Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper or a silicone baking mat.

In the bowl of a food processor, pulse together the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt.

Add the butter and pulse until it’s incorporated into tiny pebble-size pieces. Slowly add the buttermilk through the feed tube, stopping right when the dough starts to come together.

Turn the dough out onto a well-floured work surface. Place your berries on top and fold the dough over a few times until the berries have been incorporated (they’ll likely be kind of hiding in the center layer there, which is great; you can’t mess this step up … just get those berries in there as messy as it may seem). Add a little more flour to the dough if it’s sticking to the surface.

Form the dough into a rectangle shape (do the best you can here; it’s totally acceptable to have different shaped scones, so it really doesn’t matter). Slice into 9 large scones or 16 small scones.

Quickly transfer to prepared baking sheet. Brush the scones with a little buttermilk and sprinkle with extra sugar. Bake for 20-24 minutes, or until golden brown around the edges. Best if enjoyed within two days of baking.

Source: http://asweetspoonful.com/2018/07/berry-buttermilk-scones.html

[securepain9-blog]

Berry Buttermilk Scones

We all blasted through the front door a few hours ago, feet dirty and a bit exhausted from a full day of blueberry picking — something that’s become a bit of a family tradition in late July ever since Oliver was born. We have photos out in the field with O in the baby carrier, chubby legs swaying in the breeze while I obsessively applied sunscreen every ten minutes. Last year found Oliver and his friend Lewis traipsing through the rows of berries together in the late morning hours, eating more than we ended up taking home. This year’s photos tell a different story: Oliver and I in a big open field used for overflow parking, he sitting on his little potty, me singing songs and chatting away, the sun beating down on the two of us. We’re deep in the thick of potty training, so as it turned out, Sam and Oliver’s Aunt Christa did the brunt of the picking today. But Oliver and I had some good talks while staying hydrated, people watching, and eating Sour Cream and Onion Kettle chips. Not a bad way to spend a morning. And really, it’s never about how many berries we bring home because neither of these years have proven to be particularly bountiful, but it just never feels like high summer until we get out there and start filling our buckets, however slowly.

I’d promised you a savory baking recipe today but I’m still testing it, so instead I bring you mixed berry scones! And no, I didn’t just whip these up using the berries we picked this afternoon because, well, I’m just not that much of a sorceress. But I love this scone recipe for a few reasons, most importantly: their simplicity. I flirted with the idea of calling them Vacation Scones — you know those recipes you kind of keep memorized or you kind of roughly pull together when you’re traveling and they manage to somehow always taste great? For me, I can make an impromptu fruit crisp wherever I may be without a recipe and can make pretty respectable pancakes. These scones are simple enough to start to add to that list: they don’t have any fussy ingredients (I’m looking at you, lemon zest), they don’t require any rolling or turning or cutting butter into the dough (I use a food processor for ease and speed), and they’re easily adaptable. I dig them.

And I did promise I’d share a few other things I’ve been into lately as the summer ticks on. I have a pretty decent commute now with my new job, so I’ve been listening to more podcasts, have been forcing myself to read more in the evenings, and have bookmarked some new recipes. So here’s a quick and loose list of a few of those things:

An American Marriage by Tayari Jones: I’m ashamed to say I have a few pages left of this novel and there’s no good reason (other than I can’t keep my eyes open at night) because it’s such a rich, beautifully-written story and I can’t recommend it enough. On the surface it’s about a marriage, but it speaks so much to the different kinds of love, how time changes people, and the different versions of ourselves that we discover along the way.

Like a Mother by Angela Garbes: I haven’t read this book! So why recommend it? I have MANY friends who have and it’s on my ‘next to read’ list. I love the recent handful of books coming out that speak to a bit of a different experience of pregnancy, labor and motherhood than is portrayed in What to Expect When You’re Expecting. From the description, “With the curiosity of a journalist, the perspective of a feminist, and the intimacy and urgency of a mother, she explores the emerging science behind the pressing questions women have about everything from miscarriage to complicated labors to postpartum changes.” Let’s read this, shall we?!

Momrage Podcast: My online homie Amelia Morris has come out with a really interesting podcast along with her friend Edan Lepucki. They delve into questions about motherhood that are often unpopular or skirted around. And I love that they’re doing it; it’s about time.

Tully: Ok, so at first I didn’t like this movie. I even texted my friend Julie and commiserated with her about our mutual dislike for it. The day after though, after thinking about it in the shower for quite some time, I decided it actually resonated more than I gave it credit for. I love Charlize Theron and, without giving too much away, this film offers a unique and important glimpse into postpartum mental health.

Girls Night In: While I think I’m not necessarily the target age here (I’m guessing it’s more like early 30’s), I’ve been surprised with how much I enjoy this newsletter. It’s really well done, smartly written and always has a few links that interest me.

Green Chile Chicken Verde (in the Instant Pot!): As I mentioned, I (very) reluctantly gave into the craze: I’m the (reluctant) owner of a new Instant Pot and this recipe is calling my name. What else should I make?!

Instant Pot Tomato White Beans: It’s been really too hot to do major cooking this week, so when I stumbled across this recipe, it was immediately bookmarked. I’ve heard that making beans in the Instant Pot is a real game changer, and I’m looking forward to keying up this recipe to find out what all the hype’s about.

Our Favorite Vegan Ice Cream: More often than not we have a pint of Frankie and Jo’s in the freezer. It’s not cheap, but it’s hands down the best vegan ice cream I’ve ever had and just so happens to be a few blocks from our house (but they also ship!). I love the Berries and Cultured Cream flavor this month. So good.

Pin recipe Print recipe

These whole grain scones aren’t too sweet and are a great way to use up a glut of summer berries. Strawberries, raspberries, blackberries or blueberries all work great here (I used a mixture of raspberries and blackberries). As you’re making the dough, remember that flour is your friend: if your dough feels too wet or you’re sticking to your work surface, just add a bit more! These are best the day you bake them, but are still great the second day if stored in an airtight container. Beyond that, freeze them for future weekday breakfasts.

Ingredients

2 cups plus 2 tablespoons (280g) Bob's Red Mill organic whole wheat flour, plus more for work surface

1/3 cup (75g) turbinado sugar, plus more for the tops

1 tablespoon baking powder

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon kosher salt

1/2 cup unsalted butter

1 cup buttermilk, plus more for the tops

1 heaping cup (160g/5.5oz) berries

Instructions

Preheat the oven to 400 F. Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper or a silicone baking mat.

In the bowl of a food processor, pulse together the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt.

Add the butter and pulse until it’s incorporated into tiny pebble-size pieces. Slowly add the buttermilk through the feed tube, stopping right when the dough starts to come together.

Turn the dough out onto a well-floured work surface. Place your berries on top and fold the dough over a few times until the berries have been incorporated (they’ll likely be kind of hiding in the center layer there, which is great; you can’t mess this step up … just get those berries in there as messy as it may seem). Add a little more flour to the dough if it’s sticking to the surface.

Form the dough into a rectangle shape (do the best you can here; it’s totally acceptable to have different shaped scones, so it really doesn’t matter). Slice into 9 large scones or 16 small scones.

Quickly transfer to prepared baking sheet. Brush the scones with a little buttermilk and sprinkle with extra sugar. Bake for 20-24 minutes, or until golden brown around the edges. Best if enjoyed within two days of baking.

Source: http://asweetspoonful.com/2018/07/berry-buttermilk-scones.html

[waverule2-blog]

Berry Buttermilk Scones

We all blasted through the front door a few hours ago, feet dirty and a bit exhausted from a full day of blueberry picking — something that’s become a bit of a family tradition in late July ever since Oliver was born. We have photos out in the field with O in the baby carrier, chubby legs swaying in the breeze while I obsessively applied sunscreen every ten minutes. Last year found Oliver and his friend Lewis traipsing through the rows of berries together in the late morning hours, eating more than we ended up taking home. This year’s photos tell a different story: Oliver and I in a big open field used for overflow parking, he sitting on his little potty, me singing songs and chatting away, the sun beating down on the two of us. We’re deep in the thick of potty training, so as it turned out, Sam and Oliver’s Aunt Christa did the brunt of the picking today. But Oliver and I had some good talks while staying hydrated, people watching, and eating Sour Cream and Onion Kettle chips. Not a bad way to spend a morning. And really, it’s never about how many berries we bring home because neither of these years have proven to be particularly bountiful, but it just never feels like high summer until we get out there and start filling our buckets, however slowly.

I’d promised you a savory baking recipe today but I’m still testing it, so instead I bring you mixed berry scones! And no, I didn’t just whip these up using the berries we picked this afternoon because, well, I’m just not that much of a sorceress. But I love this scone recipe for a few reasons, most importantly: their simplicity. I flirted with the idea of calling them Vacation Scones — you know those recipes you kind of keep memorized or you kind of roughly pull together when you’re traveling and they manage to somehow always taste great? For me, I can make an impromptu fruit crisp wherever I may be without a recipe and can make pretty respectable pancakes. These scones are simple enough to start to add to that list: they don’t have any fussy ingredients (I’m looking at you, lemon zest), they don’t require any rolling or turning or cutting butter into the dough (I use a food processor for ease and speed), and they’re easily adaptable. I dig them.

And I did promise I’d share a few other things I’ve been into lately as the summer ticks on. I have a pretty decent commute now with my new job, so I’ve been listening to more podcasts, have been forcing myself to read more in the evenings, and have bookmarked some new recipes. So here’s a quick and loose list of a few of those things:

An American Marriage by Tayari Jones: I’m ashamed to say I have a few pages left of this novel and there’s no good reason (other than I can’t keep my eyes open at night) because it’s such a rich, beautifully-written story and I can’t recommend it enough. On the surface it’s about a marriage, but it speaks so much to the different kinds of love, how time changes people, and the different versions of ourselves that we discover along the way.

Like a Mother by Angela Garbes: I haven’t read this book! So why recommend it? I have MANY friends who have and it’s on my ‘next to read’ list. I love the recent handful of books coming out that speak to a bit of a different experience of pregnancy, labor and motherhood than is portrayed in What to Expect When You’re Expecting. From the description, “With the curiosity of a journalist, the perspective of a feminist, and the intimacy and urgency of a mother, she explores the emerging science behind the pressing questions women have about everything from miscarriage to complicated labors to postpartum changes.” Let’s read this, shall we?!

Momrage Podcast: My online homie Amelia Morris has come out with a really interesting podcast along with her friend Edan Lepucki. They delve into questions about motherhood that are often unpopular or skirted around. And I love that they’re doing it; it’s about time.

Tully: Ok, so at first I didn’t like this movie. I even texted my friend Julie and commiserated with her about our mutual dislike for it. The day after though, after thinking about it in the shower for quite some time, I decided it actually resonated more than I gave it credit for. I love Charlize Theron and, without giving too much away, this film offers a unique and important glimpse into postpartum mental health.

Girls Night In: While I think I’m not necessarily the target age here (I’m guessing it’s more like early 30’s), I’ve been surprised with how much I enjoy this newsletter. It’s really well done, smartly written and always has a few links that interest me.

Green Chile Chicken Verde (in the Instant Pot!): As I mentioned, I (very) reluctantly gave into the craze: I’m the (reluctant) owner of a new Instant Pot and this recipe is calling my name. What else should I make?!

Instant Pot Tomato White Beans: It’s been really too hot to do major cooking this week, so when I stumbled across this recipe, it was immediately bookmarked. I’ve heard that making beans in the Instant Pot is a real game changer, and I’m looking forward to keying up this recipe to find out what all the hype’s about.

Our Favorite Vegan Ice Cream: More often than not we have a pint of Frankie and Jo’s in the freezer. It’s not cheap, but it’s hands down the best vegan ice cream I’ve ever had and just so happens to be a few blocks from our house (but they also ship!). I love the Berries and Cultured Cream flavor this month. So good.

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These whole grain scones aren’t too sweet and are a great way to use up a glut of summer berries. Strawberries, raspberries, blackberries or blueberries all work great here (I used a mixture of raspberries and blackberries). As you’re making the dough, remember that flour is your friend: if your dough feels too wet or you’re sticking to your work surface, just add a bit more! These are best the day you bake them, but are still great the second day if stored in an airtight container. Beyond that, freeze them for future weekday breakfasts.

Ingredients

2 cups plus 2 tablespoons (280g) Bob's Red Mill organic whole wheat flour, plus more for work surface

1/3 cup (75g) turbinado sugar, plus more for the tops

1 tablespoon baking powder

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon kosher salt

1/2 cup unsalted butter

1 cup buttermilk, plus more for the tops

1 heaping cup (160g/5.5oz) berries

Instructions

Preheat the oven to 400 F. Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper or a silicone baking mat.

In the bowl of a food processor, pulse together the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt.

Add the butter and pulse until it’s incorporated into tiny pebble-size pieces. Slowly add the buttermilk through the feed tube, stopping right when the dough starts to come together.

Turn the dough out onto a well-floured work surface. Place your berries on top and fold the dough over a few times until the berries have been incorporated (they’ll likely be kind of hiding in the center layer there, which is great; you can’t mess this step up … just get those berries in there as messy as it may seem). Add a little more flour to the dough if it’s sticking to the surface.

Form the dough into a rectangle shape (do the best you can here; it’s totally acceptable to have different shaped scones, so it really doesn’t matter). Slice into 9 large scones or 16 small scones.

Quickly transfer to prepared baking sheet. Brush the scones with a little buttermilk and sprinkle with extra sugar. Bake for 20-24 minutes, or until golden brown around the edges. Best if enjoyed within two days of baking.

Source: http://asweetspoonful.com/2018/07/berry-buttermilk-scones.html

[canaryatlaw]

So today was fine. I should probably start by explaining that last night I messed up taking my medication because I was allocating them into their correct boxes and then flipped the pill box over to get the rest of the Saturday ones out without closing the Sunday and Monday ones because I'm a fucking idiot, and it caused all the pills to fall into the sink, and in my frantic race to prevent them from all going down the sink I just swallowed the ones in my hand from the Saturday box and then only later did I realize there were still like, 4 Xanax in there. Whoops. So that causes walking up to be a little harder. I did wake up for my 9 am alarm but reset it to just go to the later service for 10:30, then idk what happened from there (I mean, I'm assuming I fell asleep but idk what else happened) but the next thing I know I'm looking at my phone and it's 11:35. Crap. Service that I'm in the nursery for starts in 55 minutes. Good for me, I'm a boss at this kind of thing and was out the door in 20 minutes, make up and all. I ubered to church and made it right around time, which was still late for me because I'm supposed to be there before the service time, but there was only one baby so far so it was fine. It was a slightly chaotic day, not bad but there was a fair amount of crying. We had 5 babies I think, and there was me and the high school girl who helps me a lot, and then the mom of one of the little boys stayed because her son won't stop crying if she leaves (and we've tried many times) and we've discussed just trying to get her to join the team if she's gonna be here anyway haha and she's mentioned a few times she likes playing with the little girls because she has 3 boys, so I think she could be helpful. The first baby, the little guy I've been taking care of for a while now, was in a bit of a mood today and was kind of on and off crying, so I had him for a while, then he got passed around and he would be good for some amount of time then get set off again, but oh well. Then there was the little chunker who's just the cutest, and is just on the brink of walking, so he's pulling himself up on everything possible (like EVERYTHING) then mostly just stands there, but we got him to take a step or two haha and he can't go much farther than that without losing his balance but he can walk with a little assistance and he's getting there. Then there was the sweet little girl who's been around a lot lately and the high schooler mostly took care of her so I didn't get much interaction with her. Then there was the daughter of one of the ladies on the team who I've talked about before because she's just so darn cute, and she's developed a bit of a pattern where she won't cry upon getting dropped off and will be totally fine for a while, then start crying out of nowhere in the middle of the service and be completely inconsolable. Well, it happened again, but there was more like 20 minutes left in the service so I didn't want to call her parents if it was almost over anyway. So I held her and walked with her and bounced her and we were getting a little success at the end there, she was going in and out of it but I was still grateful when her parents showed up. She's a sweetie pie though, and she's just so cute. If you're keeping track, the 5th baby was the mom's little boy who I didn't interact with much but he's sweet. So pretty much right after the service we had to pack everything up because we were permanently moving out of the space today, since next week is gonna be our service weekend and we won't be having any services, then in June we can be back in our building (huzzah!). I am kind of upset with myself for missing the service though because now it means I'm gonna go 4 weeks without one, since next week we won't get one and then I'll be in NY for the next 3 Sundays. But I mean, there's only so much I can do, especially when there are very real factors like medications at play here. The little chunker baby's parents didn't show up for a while because they were helping elsewhere, so he was just kind of sitting in the corner watching everyone pack away all the toys and the mats and everything haha he was very calm, it was cute. It didn't take too long though, and then everything was loaded in the truck. I'll be glad to be back in our regular space. It wasn't terrible, but being separated from the actual service was just one more hurdle to deal with when it came to contacting parents and we did have several incidents where that became an issue, so it'll be nice to just not have to deal with that anymore. But yeah, we finished up and I headed home, train to bus. I changed and had something to eat, then chilled out for a while trying to figure out if I wanted to make a meal of some sort that I can use as leftovers throughout the week. I know I've said this before but I've been having trouble getting myself to eat meat for some inexplicable reason (like I really have no idea why) and I don't want to force myself of course and I'm not a big veggie person so that kind of limits my options. I don't want to fall into just eating frozen or semi-packaged stuff either though. Idk, I just decided to play it by ear for now. It's not even like, all meat though, it's just when presented with it in certain contexts. For dinner I had a frozen meal made by one of the "healthy" companies and it was like pork in a cherry port sauce with like real cherries and holy crap, it was actually really good. So idk what's going on there, at all. But anyway. I decided I still wanted to bake something and I had wanted to do vanilla pudding again, but I couldn't find the recipe I used last time that didn't use half and half or heavy cream, just milk, and I didn't want to waste too much milk, so I ended up using this random recipe that used ramekins in a shallow pot of boiling water with the lid on to "steam" it which took a little finagling to work correctly but it did end up working, and then after they were chilled I made the "caramel sauce" (the quotes are because it wasn't actual caramel, just sugar water caramelized) and it was really good! The ingredients were very similar to creme brulee, except this just used milk instead of heavy cream, so it wasn't as rich and there was a stronger eggy flavor but it was still really good, so I enjoyed that. Somewhere down the line I turned on the tv and watched the last 3 released episodes of the Handmaid's tale while on my laptop. I didn't realize at first that Hulu was gonna have them coming out on a weekly basis and not just dropping a season at a time like Netflix does, so I'm caught up for now and have to wait for the rest of it. There were a number of interesting things in the latter 3 episodes. I was somewhat taken with how they hold the Handmaids up to be this precious resource, blessed by God for their fertility, but they are very quick to abuse and torture them if they don't fall in line at the first command. I've given a good amount of thought to the passage in the bible they seem to base the whole concept on which I was already familiar with, but it's interesting because they only ever quote a short section of the passage, just that Rachel couldn't have children so she told Jacob to have sex with her maidservant so she could have children through her. And that happened. But they're leaving out that Jacob had another wife whom did have children, and he also had sex with her maidservant to bear more children. Furthermore, later in scripture I believe the wording is God "opened [Rachel's] womb" and she had two children, Benjamin and Joseph. Joseph is of course of technicolor dreamboat fame (and you know, the whole huge bible story attached to that), a large part of which was how he was his father's favorite, because he was Rachel's son, whom Jacob actually loved (Leah and the maidservant, not so much). It's interesting then that the legacy of the Jewish people only survives through Judah, who was Leah's son- the other 11 tribes, 11/12ths of the Jewish people were assimilated into other nationalities. Every modern day Jewish person has heritage through Judah. Idk if there's any real relevance there, I just find it interesting that they have this whole idea and society supposedly based around scripture but it's SO taken out of context it gets to the point where it's absurd. So that's just my feelings on the matter. I was hardcore cheering when Alexis Bledel's character (I don't like using their stupid names) jumped into the car and made a run for it, just because it was so amazing of her and I fully supported it. I was also cheering on our main character when she was honest with the Mexican ambassador at the end of the episode, even knowing that at any moment someone could walk in and hear her saying those things. That took courage. I thought the stuff between her and Nick was interesting, especially the "arranged" tryst, which made me wonder if that's how it was with Jacob and his wives' maidservants. Finally, I was super intrigued by the flashbacks involving the commander and his wife, and just what their lives were like before this. I was kind of shocked to learn the wife was somewhat of a feminist writer who'd actually been arrested for inciting a riot, but they had both bought into this rebellion plot for reasons they don't really go into, and at first it looks like women will be fine under it, but then they're slowly (or not so slowly) edged out, and she has no choice but to play the complacent and steadfast wife to her husband who is now a very important person. It also makes me wonder about the demographic breakdown of their society, lol, like how many people exactly do we have in each caste of society here? How many commanders are there? Do any of them have wives that were actually fertile? Was it any fertile woman who wasn't married to a commander that was taken to be a handmaid? I JUST HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS, lol. But yeah, despite its tendency to be downright harrowing and rather concerning at times, I suppose I am enjoying it on some level, though that's probably not the proper word for it because it isn't really something enjoyable. It's entertaining, I suppose, would be a better statement. But yeah. After I finished that I ended up watching an hour of Seinfeld, just because it was on and that show is hilarious. And that was pretty much it. I'm gonna try to get to work early so I have a little more time to prep for the permanency hearing I have at 10. I feel bad because I was gonna go through the rest of the file on Friday but then I didn't go to work, so I don't want to screw this up but I gotta catch up on what the actual latest happenings in the case are, because I know the history from when the girl was like 13, but she's pushing 21 now so that's different. And I need to talk to the lawyer about my question template as far as how much I need to ask that I already know the answer to just for the sake of getting it on the record. It should be fine though, I'm not that concerned. Hopefully that will go well. It'll be my first appearance in front of this judge, but I mean it's a permanency hearing for a kid who's almost out of the system, so it's not really a big deal. Okay, it's late and I need to get to sleep. Goodnight my loves. Sleep well.

[roslinadama-sinequanon]

Thoughts on Bad Blood

There was so much to love in this episode it’s hard to know where to begin. I already posted a long gushing review of my personal favorite part---all the talk amongst the characters about the wedding and the church--so I’ll just stick that on the end for anyone who didn’t see it.

So what was there to love? Here goes.

1. The quips-

Provenza after finding out Mary was in the class of 1973, his class-“She must have been a classmate Buzz-Oh and she retired 23 years ago. Provenza-You can lose the tone Buzz.

Love it when they tweak Provenza about how long he’s been around.

In the murder room: Sharon:  Mary took a swing at me when I relieved her of duty.  (Would like to have seen that and would love more stories about Sharon‘s time in FID)

-and-

Andy’s rather laconic “Well it was a bit of boys club back then and Sharon’s quick snap retort “Still is”, concluded with Andy’s chagrined look. They are so adorable.

Sharon: “I’m not sure though how much of a committed feminist Mary was. When I asked her for her service weapon back she called me a bitch. Provenza: Oh, well, that’s shocking.” Good call back to the days when they all thought Sharon was a bitch.

--and one of my favorites--

Tao- “Ah the future Mrs. Flynn” Sharon- “Well that’s still under discussion”

I know there is some debate over this but I’m really hoping she changes her name--and gets a new job title with it, Commander Flynn sounds good to me. For me, and please know I understand and respect everyone’s opinion on this, it seems disrespectful to Andy to keep another man’s name while she is married to him. If it was her family name it wouldn’t be such a big deal, but this is Jack Raydor’s name, the same Jack who pops in every now and then and would love nothing more than to tweak Andy with the fact that Sharon chose to keep his name and that they still share that in common while she chose not to make that commitment to Andy.  Again, this isn’t about keeping her name, this is about keeping Jack’s name and I just don’t think that is right. I think it would be hurtful to Andy and leave him feeling somewhat “less than” Jack in her life. At least that’s the way I’d feel if were him. Anyway, that’s just me. They’ll probably have her keep the name or keep the name at work where she will remain Raydor, but at home she’ll be Flynn. Still not a fan of the compromise but better than not changing at all. I’m just glad to hear that it is at least under discussion.

---And later at Mary’s apartment---

Amy after Sanchez busts the door in: “Wow and Sanchez probably isn’t half as strong as Dustin O’Brien” Then realizing her faux pas at his look, “Though, you know, plenty tough.”

And all the Provenza grumbling over Julio’s new personal life interfering with work was great, especially because you know he’s thrilled for Julio but just has to be a curmudgeon about it--the same as he is with Andy and Sharon’s relationship.

2. Continuity- Unlike many MC episodes where things happen and are never alluded to again, ahem, Andy’s letter, this episode actually flowed from the previous episode. It didn’t start out that way. I was so disappointed to see Andy and Sharon in the murder room completely business as usual and I was starting to think they were going to completely dismiss the fact that he proposed last week and we still didn’t know for sure if they were engaged--though Mary had said they were. I think that was done on purpose to freak us out a little. Look at how many times Sharon’s hands were shown, her fingers fluttering, I KNOW how many times because my eyes were glued to that damn TV looking for an engagement ring! They knew we’d all be looking for that ring and would be disappointed not to see it.

But alas, Ricky shows up and the rest of the episode is focused on the engagement and discussions about the wedding. Oh, if only this happened all the time. If so we might have seen what Andy and Sharon talked about after he asked what she needed him for and she told him to shut the door. We might have seen that first date at Serve, we might have found out what happened to Andy’s letter and if Sharon has even seen it yet, we might have gotten an honest to goodness “I love you”, and we might have seen or heard about what the heck happened after Andy’s heart attack, or even if it was mild or serious or what. For ONCE the writers didn’t drop the ball and I for one appreciated that.

3. Back story! We actually got more back story on SHARON and ANDY, OMG!

First off we got another story of Sharon during her FID days. I love it when they talk about her past position and officers she had to deal with in that capacity.  I’m really hoping before MC is over they do a storyline where someone from Sharon’s past, someone she had to fire when she was in FID, comes back to try to take revenge on her. Would love to see her and Andy and the team trying to deal with that.

Second-We got to hear more about Sharon’s life as a single mom and how tough it was. We tend to think of Sharon as she is now, pulling in over $150,000 a year, living in an elegant Los Feliz condo, always decked out in expensive designer clothes and shoes, but there was a time when she was a struggling single mom working all different shifts on patrol and not making nearly as much money. It was nice to hear how she leaned on her faith community to help her through that difficult time. It does take a village and Sharon knows that because she had to lean on that village. And it gave us greater insight into how she ended up in FID.

Third-We even got more of Andy’s back story, including his ex-wife’s name--Sandra. One thing I’ve always loved about Andy is that he is brutally honest about himself and never makes excuses for his past behavior. He was completely upfront with Ricky and Rusty about getting married too young and not being ready for kids and drinking too much. But never did he put any blame on a job which I’m sure had him working crazy hours, overtime etc and how much that strained his marriage etc. I’m sure there is a lot more to it than what he is saying, but AA has taught him to accept what he has done, accept the blame, make amends and move on. We can’t change what we’ve done in the past but we can change how we behave in the future and he wanted to assure the boys that he is emotionally prepared to be married this time. I thought it was quite touching that while the boys were not worried about Andy being a good husband for their mother, they were just fishing to find out if they could use emotionally unready as an excuse for him to get an annulment, Andy thought they needed to know what went wrong in his first marriage because they were worried about it happening again with Sharon. He’s such a sweetheart.

4. Ricky and Rusty teaming up-I love how they’ve moved beyond their initial distrust and formed this really great brotherly bond. It’s a great balance too, Ricky is able to speak to Sharon’s history in a way that is completely alien to Rusty and because Rusty is living with Sharon he can speak to her present in a way that is more alien to Ricky. Also, there is a comfort level Ricky has with being Sharon’s biological child, raised by her from birth that Rusty still doesn’t have. Ricky is not afraid to go blazing guns ahead when it comes to his mother because he knows that even if he makes a mistake or  pisses her off she is always going to love him. While I still see in Rusty the young man who is always trying to prove himself worthy of Sharon and trying so hard to do what he thinks she would want because while intellectually he knows that Sharon loves him and would never turn her back on him, there is a scarred child inside whose biological mother often turned her back on him and who always had conditions when it came to her love. He is starting to understand Sharon’s unconditional love but there is still a wariness I see in him.

5. Ricky Raydor! When we first met Ricky in the adoption episode I didn’t like him at all. I thought he was dismissive and condescending and I wondered how a woman with such amazing nurturing qualities raised such a selfish young man devoid of any sense of compassion. Now I can see why Sharon was so shocked and upset by Ricky’s behavior. Because it was definitely out of character, brought on by the normal jealousy he felt over his mother adopting another son and fed and played upon by a father who was doing everything in his power to stop Sharon from divorcing him, not caring if he hurt Rusty, Sharon and even Ricky in the process.  

When we met Ricky at Christmas I liked him a whole lot more. He definitely came off as the baby brother and Emily the indulgent older sister. I thought he was cute and sweet, wanting his Christmas to be just the way it was when he was kid. He also seemed to take a harder line on Jack’s drinking.   At first I wondered why Jack asked Sharon to talk to Emily about staying with him over the holidays rather than Ricky, but I get the feeling that Emily is more like Sharon in that nurturing kind of way and wouldn’t call him on his bad behavior or would at least be more sympathetic about it whereas I think he knew Ricky would have no patience with him. Given the timeline Sharon has spoken of in her marriage I think maybe Emily may remember a time when they were a family but Ricky probably has very few if any memories of that. I think his memories would be more of the father who showed up every few years or so, usually wanting something, and how upset it would make his mother, which is why he is very protective of her. Also, they may have had a falling out over Jack trying to manipulate Ricky into convincing Sharon not to adopt Rusty. I’m sure Ricky wasn’t happy to realize he’d been used that way and the damage that could have been created in his relationship with his mother. The look on Ricky’s face and the tears that welled in his eyes showed just how deeply he was affected by his mother’s disappointment in him as did how quickly he tried to rectify things.

In “Bad Blood” I wasn’t sure which Ricky would show up. A Ricky happy about the engagement or a Ricky who would try to convince his mother not to go through with it. Thankfully it was the former and Ricky was filled with excitement about the wedding, more so than anyone. I couldn’t help but notice he even hugged Andy first--and was comfortable enough to do so. From the first time we met Ricky he and Andy seemed to be friendly and in some ways Ricky reminds me of Andy, emotional, impatient, eager and impulsive.

And can I just say how much do I love that Ricky and Emily took matters into their own hands and went to Jack to lay down the law with him. You do this for our mother or we are DONE with you.  It really gave us such great insight into the close relationship between Sharon/Emily/Ricky and how as adults Ricky and Emily are able to look back and see just how much their mother gave to them, how much she sacrificed for them and now that she has the chance to be happy with a man who loves and cherishes her the way she deserves to be loved and cherished they are going to make damn sure she gets that chance and if that means cutting out the man who was pretty much just a sperm donor in their lives, than so be it.

And why would Jack care? He was never a part of his kids lives, spends years without being in contact with them, never paid a dime of child support and the only reason he even got in touch with them recently was because Sharon threatened to evict him. So would losing them really matter? I think it would. I do think that underneath it all Jack does care about them, he’s just a selfish, thoughtless person and things will always have to be on his terms. They will never come first with him and he will never have a problem manipulating them to get what he needs. And he needs them now. He always had Sharon as a back up plan. When things went wrong, when he lost big gambling or was drinking again or didn’t have a place to stay he’d show up on Sharon’s doorstep and she’d help clean up his mess for him. He isn’t going to have that now that they are divorced and Andy is in the picture. So, as he gets older he’s probably realizing he needs what little family he has left. He’s a user and always will be.

6. The Ring- I think it was a lovely choice for Sharon, it’s classic and elegant, beautiful with all the diamonds on the band as well as the large emerald cut, and yet it is not flashy and in your face. Understated elegance--- that is Sharon. I think it will look even better when the narrow band is coupled with a wedding ring to give the emerald cut a little more balance. I liked that people were interested in the ring, Julio, Tao and Ricky. But I do wish Sharon’s response had been a little different when Andy said “I can’t afford a ring as beautiful as she deserves” ( I really thought he was going to say , as beautiful as she is, and realized he’s never once told her she’s beautiful or that she what she’s wearing looks nice, however, she has at least called him handsome) and she just said “This is much more than enough” I don’t know, I just wish she’d said “Andy, it’s a beautiful ring and I love it, it’s certainly more than enough.” Though from the kind or roll of her eyes when he said that I got the impression that she’s told him that a few times.

7. Domestic Andy-It was a little thing really, but while Ricky was admiring Sharon’s ring I loved how it was Andy in the background cleaning up with Rusty. I like seeing Andy feeling at home in Sharon’s condo and his thoughtfulness in allowing Sharon to spend time with a son she doesn’t get to see as much as she’d like. I’m sure he told her “You sit and visit with Ricky, Rusty and I will clean up” That said, I hope they will finally get a home of their own so we can see “their” home, a part of Andy and Sharon. As far as I can see there is nothing of Andy’s in that condo. It is Sharon’s condo and Andy is just living there. They need something that is theirs together.

8. Sharon’s religious beliefs being treated respectfully-I’m glad that everyone understood Sharon’s beliefs and her need to marry in the church and didn’t try to sway her into giving them up or put them down as silly or antiquated. It is nice to see a modern, intelligent, liberal woman who also has strong religious beliefs but is not a zealot. A woman who relies on her faith but is not blind to its shortcomings(your rules father not mine). And it is nice to see the people around her being understanding of these beliefs rather than condescending.

9. Balance--I loved the way this episode balanced out. Now, I know I watch this show for a different reason than many do, for the personal stories not so much the cases--although there have been some good ones. But in most episodes we get a quick personal scene and then 40 minutes of the case and then maybe one more quick personal scene before the end and usually these personal scenes are Sharon/Rusty, thought lately they’ve been Sharon/Andy/Rusty. In this episode we didn’t have those 40 minutes where my mind starts to wander and I start to look at the clock with worry thinking it’s almost over and I want more personal interaction. In this episode we went continually from the case to a personal scene and those personal scenes weren’t just Sharon and Rusty we got Sharon/Andy/Ricky/Rusty, Sharon/Ricky, Julio/Mark in a couple different scenes, Andy/Ricky/Rusty, Ricky/Rusty and finally Sharon/Andy/Ricky/Rusty again.  By interspersing the personal stuff throughout the case--and with different characters--- it kept me completely engaged without any ho hum moments.

As good as this episode was, there were still a few things that I thought were missing.

First of all any kind of personal conversation about their wedding between Sharon and Andy. Again, we know they’ve talked about the wedding and marriage, Andy is aware Sharon wants to marry in the church and they’ve discussed whether she is going to become Sharon Flynn or remain Sharon Raydor, but I’d like for us to get the opportunity to witness some of these scenes. Sharon’s always been given great scenes with Rusty, she’s had great scenes with Ricky and Andy had a great scene with the boys but we’ve never been given that with Sharon and Andy. They’ve had touching moments, but they’ve never had an actual emotional or frank full-out conversation. I am hoping that we will see that in the next few episodes, however, now that the proposal is over and everyone has been told I have a feeling Shandy will be put on the back burner for the rest of the season. MC just is not good with storyline continuation and Shandy has never been an ongoing interest of Duff‘s.

The other thing I felt that was missing was any kind of personal interaction about the proposal between Flynn and Provenza. Provenza has been following this romance from day 1, he’s had tons of comments about it--especially when he was against it--and is as far as we know he’s the only one other than Andy who has seen the letter expressing Andy’s love for Sharon. He is also, as of yet, the ONLY character on MC who has mentioned the word “love” when it comes to Sharon and Andy. He is Andy’s best friend and has a kind of fatherly/big brother relationship with Sharon so I really expected him to have some kind of comment; either last week while Andy was trying to propose or this week once the engagement had been announced. I hope we get something in the future.

The last and most stark thing that I think that was missing was yet again no “I love you”. How does a couple get all the way to being engaged without ever saying the words “I love you?” I thought for sure when Andy was talking to the boys and started to assure them that he was emotionally ready to marry Sharon that he was about to say that he loved Sharon and was emotionally ready, but it was again skipped. Which is okay, because I really want him to say it to her, and even more so want HER to say it to him. Andy has always been ahead of Sharon in this relationship, always seemed to be the one who was more “into” it so I would love for the first time we hear “I love you” for it to come from Sharon.

So what‘s left on the Shandy list?  Still waiting to check off “I love you”  “A Kiss” “A real honest heartfelt conversation” and “Sexy Shandy” (and by sexy Shandy I mean the two of them flirting and teasing, maybe a few innuendos --you know acting like normal  couples in love act, not like brother and sister). But we’ll have to move on and hope that a future episode will have those.

Because it belongs on my list of favorite things from this episode if you didn’t see my post about how much I loved all the personal conversations about the church and the wedding and are interested you can continue on to do so here

So glad Sharon is going to be able to get married in the church. The importance of the church in her life became even more apparent tonight. We’ve known about the strength of her faith and her adherence to its rules since she was on the Closer and throughout Major Crimes. But tonight thanks to Ricky we got  see the help and support the church gave to a struggling single mother when she was not making the kind of money she makes now by giving her a break on her kids education and also providing childcare during a time when she was working cop’s hours. As the sister of a police officer I can say that traditional childcare is definitely an issue for the shifts they have to work and when they are held over in forced overtime.

Knowing how important it would be for their mother to marry in the church, Ricky gets the ball rolling on an annulment and he and Emily go to Jack and threaten not be a part of his life anymore if he tries to hold up the annulment. How freaking great was that! Love those kids!

I was overjoyed to see how happy and enthusiastic Ricky was over this wedding. He really just wants so much for his mom to be happy–and in the quick little scene with Rusty later in the episode we get a glimpse of Ricky’s frustration, probably shared with Emily, over how much time their mother wasted on Jack. Glad to see adoption episode Ricky was an aberration.

It was also apparent how much Sharon wants to be married in the church in her conversation with Ricky. When he’s prodding her on why she has her foot on the break, she says there are issues and that getting married in the church…at which point she gets emotional and can’t even talk about it because she feels it is impossible. That she’d never be able to convince Jack to sign off on an annulment. And when Ricky asked her if she would be willing to marry outside the church and let them stop dictating who is her family she just kind of rolls her head back, like “come on Ricky”.  

I’m glad they didn’t take the easy way out and just have them marry outside the church–not that we’ve got any wedding plans yet, but it’s pretty apparent where they are leaning. I think it would not have been true to who Sharon is to have her throw out all her years of adhering to her Catholic beliefs and suddenly be fine with losing some of what the church offers her spiritually and emotionally. I do think if they were unable to make that happen Sharon would finally agree to marry outside the church, but I’m glad that doesn’t have to happen now. I really didn’t like the idea of Sharon having to lose something so important to her in order to marry Andy. I so want this wedding and marriage to be nothing but a happy time in her life full of GAINS, no losses.

That said, I think that Andy not having a clue about the annulment was a little silly. At the end of the episode when his ex-wife calls and said she applied for an annulment Andy tells Sharon they may be able to marry in the church after all. So obviously the two of them talked about that after the proposal and discussed the need for annulments. From the beginning Andy has been the one pushing ahead in this relationship and was so gung ho about the proposal and moving forward I would think he would have jumped at contacting his ex-wife about starting the process. After all, she’s already re-married so I doubt it would mean much to her whereas I could see Sharon’s worry about Jack. Nasty bastard that he is, he would have held her off just to spite her and out of jealousy.

Since Rusty said he’d take care of getting Andy’s annulment I’m betting he called Nicole, told her the problem and that she went to her mom and got her mom to get the annulment started.  Good thinking Rusty. But again, a little strange that Andy didn’t question why after all these years of being re-married his ex suddenly wants an annulment days after he has become engaged? Aren’t you a detective Andy?

But, I’m not going to quibble over that because I’m just so freaking happy. I have been really hoping for a church wedding because I know how important it is Sharon and because I am hoping this wedding will be a big deal.

[erinelezabeth920]

#mtnbabes

Something bothered me this week, and I wanted to be able to talk about it. On Friday my friend and I went on a hike, down route 90 out of Seattle. We didn’t have graduate school class that day and it was a sunny day, the last before a long week of rain. I woke up early from my boyfriend’s house, threw on the layers I had in a little backpack, nabbed his rain jacket and first aid kit, because sometimes I’m not very prepared, and got in my car. I drove down the early streets of Seattle as the sun was rising over the eastern Cascades, listening to the country music station. A song came on which I had put on a birthday CD for a friend last summer, who I hadn’t heard from in a while. It made me sad. I sang along anyway. I pulled into my friend’s driveway, banged on her door and told her we had to get going to avoid traffic. She opened the door hurriedly, pulling on a hiking boot, and pointing me toward the fruit and a french press pot. I loaded the snowshoes and poles into her car, and she rushed out a second later, layers and jacket in hand. We were on the road about 7:15am.

Driving down rt. 90, the sun was starting to rise above the mountains. There was mist and some early morning Seattle city traffic commuter, straight faced, sad looking, holding their coffee in one hand, steering wheel in the other. I was so happy to be wearing hiking boots instead. The clouds hung low, but there were hints of blue sky above. The kind of day in February in the Northwest that makes you tingle with the longing of what long days used to be like, an aching in your wet and frozen bones like a reminder of a nice faded dream. I munched on a cliff bar and drank some of my friend’s coffee. We played a CD a guy had made her a while back, when he had come to visit Seattle before he left to travel to Ecuador; sappy sweet acoustic songs of love and leaving. I stuck up my middle finger to the dashboard. “Mountain men.” I scoffed, an angry band aid covering up my own handmade country CDs and heartbreak.

After a stop to a gas station, and up and over Snoqualmie Pass, we made it to exit 63, where the trail report said to park. Just a few other cars, and a line of porta potties shoved into a snow bank six feet high. A fog hung over the valley, but hopefully the sun would burn it off. We grabbed our snowshoes, packed our little packs, and prayed the car would go unnoticed without our parking permit. (I’m sorry Washington State Trails association. I’ll buy a pass soon, I promise.) Crossing the highway, we started up the trial, a series of groomed cross country ski tracks. After about half a mile we saw the sign and right turn off to Amabilis Mountain, a dirt forest access road that’s not maintained in the winter. Strapping on our snowshoes, we headed up.

As we walked, I was ecstatic. The pine trees were tall, draped in snow that was dripping in the warmer air. I had felt cooped up in the city for weeks; a combination of rain, sickness and graduate school exhaustion. This was exactly what I needed. I loved walking next to my friend too, the female energy and a sense of freedom. 

After coming to a fork in the road, and heading left as the trail report said, we ended up walking up a small side trail into the trees. According to the WTA website, there was a shortcut through the trees that would cut off about 2/3 of a mile, which seemed okay by me. We started walking, following some tracks. Eventually the tracks thinned to simply a few animal prints, squirrels and maybe a rabbit. The air was silent. Absolutely no wind. There was a steady drip, drip of snow from the trees, falling into the stillness. The sun was warm between the trees, and as the fog began to lift the valley spread, highway and lake far below. As we walked our awkward snowshoe legs up the so-called shortcut, the trees thinned until we came to a kind of wide ledge. Apparently this trail was supposed to connect to the main road at some point; however as we walked it became apparent that it did not, and we had simply gone down a false path. It was beautiful where we were however, completely untouched, smooth wide patches of snow and pine trees. We frolicked for a bit, our snowshoes crunching through the fresh powder. Stopping to take in the view, a wide lake under crisp snowy peaks, my friend looked at me, grinned and said, “You know what we should do? Topless photo.”

I laughed, a little unsure. But subsequently we did, posting the camera on a backpack. Stripping off my layers and finally, in a quick movement, my sports bra, I walked up to the edge. I felt so good. Amazing really. Happy. The sun on my bare skin was warm, in a way I hadn’t felt in months. It felt like years, forever. I felt connected to all the things around me, safe in my body and space. We laughed, as my friend tried to get her phone to stand up and I danced a little to the mountains, alone and free.

Later that day, 10 + sunny miles later, dead legs and exhausted, I looked through our photos in the car on the way back. The topless one was just beautiful; in my mind natural female bodies in the mountains, both strong and powerful. An accomplishment both of what women were capable of. After a while, I decided to post the photo on Instagram. I wanted to show off our accomplishments, and unabashedly share our moment, the ability to feel comfortable in our bodies and to climb mountains.

Soon after, later that night while out with friends, I received a comment on the post from an old co-worker and avid outdoorsman with the hashtag, #mtnbabes. I clicked on it. Soon my phone screen filled with a series of photos similar to ours; women in the outdoors naked or topless in similar forms. It was beautiful, the scenery and the bodies of the women, but immediately I was filled with annoyance, shame and a kind of burning feeling in my stomach. I almost wanted to take the picture down. It still makes me mad or embarrassed writing this, and the worst part is, I can’t entirely articulate why. Maybe it was the fact that it was a male that had posted this, even one who I knew well as a friend, and progressive minded outdoor person. We had even sat together in a staff training once having conversations over privilege and accessibility in the outdoors. So maybe then it was jealousy, seeing all these beautiful competent women, and feeling lesser than.

But I think it was something else. Talking it over with my friend out to dinner over Indian food in Seattle the other night, I was able to rant through my curry and verbally process enough until something kind of coherent came out. “It felt, objectifying, kind of Spring Break-ish” I said. “Like, you know, WOOO TOPLESS, type of short skirt background dancer of a music video, pretty girl by the side of the pool kind of feeling. Like the girls on this feed are doing this for attention from men.” That even as well intended though the audience might be, the fact that they’re spending their free time scrolling through half naked pictures of women leaves a bad taste in my mouth. 

And I know that’s not the whole story, of course. I’m sure most or really all of them are bad ass, competent women who want to promote the freedom of their bodies in the outdoors, and the absolute right of women to exist in those spaces, the same as men. That social media is a slim filter to show our whole selves. But it bothered me still, to be associated with that feeling of sexualized inferiority somehow, and that I couldn’t figure out in our world of social media how to portray this feeling of freedom, the sense of womanhood, empowerment and belonging in the mountains because the system was so ingrained in the way that women’s bodies have been objectified. So that’s a simple solution, right? Just don’t post the pictures.

And there is it, the strong part of me that feels as though this whole feeling is completely invalidated. That I’m incredibly wrong here, with no grounds to even stand on. It’s like there’s this voice in head, Erin If you don’t want to cause problems, why even post the picture in the first place? You’re not good enough to say these things, you don’t have the power to think like that. Why do I feel like that? That every time I get angry it’s not a valid thing; that I’m being silly? That it’s just, as my (incredibly wonderful supportive, feminist minded boyfriend), laughed after seeing the picture, calling it another ‘Girls Show Their Tits To The World’ photo. (He later apologized.)

I think it’s confusing moments like these when I listen to Lemonade, cry a lot and then resolve my steel. (Thank you Beyonce, always). And moments where a good friend takes me to an all ladies naked spa day the weekend after I had my IUD procedure, just to thank me for being brave. And moments on Orcas Island, in the clothing optional hot tubs, sitting with friends and laughing in the salty pine air, just like the majority of Europe where bodies are not sexualized in our staunch puritanical bullshit principles, but appreciated as unique, natural and beautiful. 

So I WANTED to post the picture. I wanted to try to accurately depict an incredible, powerful moment in the quiet of the mountains and the sheer beauty thereof. And of being women. And not following any man up the mountain, but hiking it ourselves. And how hard, how so fucking hard that is to maintain, promote and demand as equality in this society, simply to be recognized as equals, as equally entitled. I work for a rock climbing gym, and as part of staff training we had to write through safety scenarios. One of the scenarios was a woman following her boyfriend to the gym, and acting unsafe in the environment. It pissed me off so much, and I still haven’t been able to say anything about. That was months ago. Every half hour on shifts we have to tally up the total of men and women in the gym, simply for record keeping purposes. Every time the ratio is always in favor of the men, and every time it digs me, just a little. Yesterday was the first time I had ever seen the number equal. I actually wrote an exclamation point next to the tally. 

I was listening to the SheExplores podcast in the kitchen the other night, in which a woman told of a story of going hiking with her boyfriend. He was an ex-marine, and she always felt like she was slowing him down, feeling the need to overcompensate and prove herself. She told a story that one time, he told her that he didn’t want to hike the John Muir Trail with her, even though it was a long term dream of hers, because she would, quote, “slow him down.”

“DUMP HIS ASS” I yelled into the sink of dirty dishes I was washing, splashing water onto myself, knowing full well I had no right to dictate life choices to a woman from a podcast.

The thing that got to me though, was that that wasn’t even the point of the story. The point was her work as a product researcher for an outdoor company or something along those lines. The fact that she felt inferior to her boyfriend in the outdoors was just a small detail. What got to me was the way she spoke of it like it was almost normal, the following of men up mountains and on trails. And the feeling of disempowerment it brings. Like it’s just something that women just have to “deal with” in order to go outside. The podcast producer expressed similar sentiments, and the whole thing just got me so upset that I had to pour a glass of wine to keep listening.

Up on the climbing wall cork board is an article entitled, How to Fight Sexism in the Climbing World. Yesterday I saw a guy read it, scoff “interesting…” like it was a new and foreign concept to him. I stood there quietly, insides burning. So goddamnit, yes I will take my shirt off, and if you want to objectify me, then let’s remember, that mountains are shaped exactly like female tits. So who’s house is this really?

Here’s the photo. I captioned it “Views for days”. I kind of hate myself for it. It sounds objectifying and diminishing. 

Here’s what I really wanted to caption it, my favorite U2 quote, and one of my favorite song quotes of all time.

If you want to kiss the sky, better learn how to kneel. On your knees boy.