#soljirk

[novaent]

            [ ★ ] NOVA ENT @novaent • Nov 8

            [📢] #안드로마 1st Mini Album             #And*roma 🌌 Photo Teaser 1             #G.Soul (#지솔)             2019.11.18 6PM RELEASE             #And*roma #안드로마             #Galaxy #갤럭시

[scmultdef]

ㅤꕤ︴solji icons. ₎

ㅤㅤㅤ!¡䨻䨻䨻✼ ͜͡ reblog/like if you save.

[rkdoyoung]

♕ ✦ —  frozen.

@soljirk

there’s no better time than summer to grab an ice cream, even late into the evening, bordering on bedtime. when those cravings hit, it’s hard to ignore them because the more you try to do so, the stronger it gets, so why fight it?

he stands in line at the ice cream truck, looking over all the flavors and trying to decide which one he’d like to buy as a snack before heading back home to turn in for the evening. after all, it’s back to work again early in the morning, just as he had earlier that day. it can be a tiring process, but it’s a process that pays the bills, so it’s not something he wants to or can stop any time soon.

by the time he gets to the front of the line, he’s decided on his chosen flavor. however, the cart vendor informs him that there’s currently a sale going on so, on a whim, he buys two of the 32cm ice creams and turns around to offer one of them to the person behind him with a smile. “they said it’s two for one,” he says as he offers it to her, hoping she doesn’t think him some kind of weirdo or as if he were hitting on her randomly (not that she isn’t pretty! it just isn���t his style). “ice cream’s on me.”

[rkchoutzuyu]

*welcome back

starter for @soljirk​

Following the journey of someone she knew so closely on television was surreal. Tzuyu was incredibly proud of Solji. Mostly she was excited to see her unnie and have someone to talk to. A lot of things had happened since she went into the Sn project show but she hadn’t texted her about any of it. If she was honest, she wasn’t sure if she was going to hit those topics with her. She texted her big sister to ask her to come over in the evening to spend some time together. She didn’t want to ruin their time.

Solji was one of the people who had told her that the path wasn’t easy. Tzuyu had been so foolish when it came to her audition. If only she would have put more effort into the actual challenge and not into being creative with it, maybe she would have news for Solji herself. Technically, she still did have news. However, the news were of her failure and she didn’t feel quite so keen to accept that everyone was right and that she jumped into all of it completely unprepared.

She looks through the kitchen to make sure she has some microwavable popcorn for later when they watch a movie. Tzuyu is going about her evening at home as usual until her unnie shows up at the agreed upon time.

[rksakura]

❀ feels like forever

starter for @soljirk​ !

it feels like years since she’s encountered solji face-to-face. sakura can’t help but worry about the elder’s health, considering the difficult pace she’s been with her work. “i hope you’re okay in regards to your health.” sakura doesn’t hesitate to bring up the topic to light as it’s too important to simply disregard. her expression is simply concerned, eyebrows knitted together in anguish. it kills her not to see her friends for such a long amount of time because she longs for her presence. she’s clung on to solji as if she was an older sister figure.

“but i’m glad you’re here is all.” then she presents the elder with a soft smile, she truly isn’t one to be fond of making such vigorous faces in any time of the moment. she was such a sucker for smiles and giving them, exchanging as well. “so tell me all about you, nee-chan. how’s everything been treating you?” deep down, her gut only wants to receive nothing but good news from solji.

not having communication was the hardest part. on the other hand, she’s just grateful that she gets to have some sort of freedom with solji in the form of a sleepover hangout.

[rkwendy]

This is Our Level

@soljirk

Wendy knew she wasn’t exactly the best dancer in the team, so why on earth she got a part in the dance break was completely beyond her... until she saw that they had to do the splits. She chuckles to herself. “That explains it,” she mutters under her breath as she watches the rest of the choreography. She likes to think that’s some sort of validation for all her hard work, but she knows she has more work to do. She’s not exactly the girl who easily looks good while performing, so she goes to the one person who was praised for both. 

“Solji unniiiiiiii~” she sings as she all but drapes herself over the older girl’s back. Once she has Solji unni’s attention, Wendy gets off the older girl’s back and stands properly like a real adult would. Desperate times called for desperate measures. “I need your help.” She pauses for dramatic effect, as if she was forming the Avengers before continuing. There’s a difference between dramatic effect and unnecessary alarm, and Wendy isn’t going for the latter. “Mostly just so we remain in sync during the dance break, and I could use some tips on how you can stand out and look amazing while singing and dancing.” 

[rkjisunx]

//: time is running out

although there is a significant age difference between them it has never bothered sohee. they have been close for the longest time being cousins and no matter what, she know that there’s always a shoulder to lean on with the elder. whether it is to vent, cry, laugh-- solji is always the one that sohee go to first, and always will be. she is one that sohee truly look up to, and that’s for more reasons than one, so each time they decide to hang out it’s set to be a good day.

today is no different. the two of them are out for shopping, an activity that sohee practice way more often than she has the chance to justify. while her dad doing his very best to buy her out of the idol dream she do fill a black hole with clothes, shoes and accessories. she spend a lot of money on food as well, and make up, of course-- his money, her father’s. there is always a lingering guilt when she use her card, but it’s not a guilt big enough for her to stop.

“@soljirk unnie! come look at this,” she say, with pure excitement. having found a sports section she picked up a set of gym wear that she is suddenly dying to fit into her wardrobe. “this is just too cute, don’t you think? can i wear this for jogging--” eyes wide, she grin at the elder.

[rksaebom]

*catching up.

saerok knew solji was busy so it made her happy when they were finally able to sit down and have lunch this afternoon. 

she’s running late, something that’s not usual for saerok in the slightest. she would have been on time, had she not woken up late. she’s pretty sure she knocked her phone off her nightstand somehow during the middle of the night. it ended up underneath her bed and she just ended up not hearing her alarm.

she managed to get ready fairly quickly, but she still arrived at the restaurant ten minutes late.

she huffs as she pushes through the front door, a smile gracing her lips as she spots solji sitting at a table in the corner of the room. she walks over quickly, “unnie!” she lets out excitedly. 

she sits down at the table, giving an apology and explanation for her tardiness. “i hope you weren’t waiting too long.” she sets her purse down and pulls her hair over her shoulder, grabbing the menu and browsing over it. 

their waiter comes over and they’re able to order some drinks. saerok finally relaxes into her seat, “so how have you been?”

                                                                                  ( @soljirk ) *

[rkkangjoon]

.t-bone pancake

@soljirk

he might have congratulated solji per sns to her soon to happen debut, but kang joon acutally prefered to do that in person which was why he invited her to grab some food with him. of course the male knew that she needed to be extra careful now that she would be an idol soon, but as they had been friends since middle school, kang joon couldn't help but wanting to celebrate with her, even if it was just a little. since the last time they had seen each other live and in flesh time had passed by in a blink of an eye, and even if they saw each other at seocho, those meetings rarely exceeded the general greetings, as training called them to duty. since the time they had dated (even when it was just a short amount of time) years had gone by, and kang joon wasn't really sure what exactly solji liked, when it came to food, but he supposed that most girls like sweets and while he wasn't into that too much, he heard of a place that sold t-bone steak pancakes which had somehow aroused his interest.

so when he had heard from wendy, when and*romeda members had a little free time, kang joon picked up his phone to give her a quick call, asking her if she was willing to hang out with him, even if it was just for a short break. "i'm really hungry, solji~ let's celebrate your debut, alright?" he knew that she could impossibly reject him, when he told her that his stomache was empty. solji was a caring person after all. without waiting for an answer from the female, he send her the address of the location he wanted to test out. photos he had found online looked quite promising and the anticipation for food as well as meeting an old friend, made his stomache growl even louder.

[rkseokwoo-blog]

new instagram post !! —@ro_wooni

( MORE... )

got my snacks to watch the ep of sn project! ㅋㅋㅋ who are your favs? you should tell me, so i can keep them in my heart ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ ~~ ♡ if i tell you mine, will you keep them in your hearts too?~~~ you have to say it with me, like a cool fanchant whenever you see them on the screen~ okay? ㅋㅋㅋ

pretty solji ~~!! 화이팅 !! handsome sungie ~~!!  화이팅 !! notebook-youngie ~~!! 화이팅 !! dj master kaeunnie   ~~!! 화이팅 !! piggy appa nyeonnie ~~!! 화이팅 !!

tell me your fanchants so i can use them too! ㅋㅋㅋ ^^~~~~~

[rkmeiqi]

shopaholic.

@soljirk

meiqi flips through the clothes on the rack, passing over every hideous colour, unflattering pattern and flimsy material. she hasn’t gone shopping in a few months—a record, really, considering that last year she would go at least every weekend. it feels like fashion has deteriorated in that span of time, like retailers weren’t sure what was good or not anymore because they didn’t have experts like her to comment on how fucking ugly some of these pieces are.

she stops at a dress, prettily decorated with little flowers. meiqi takes it off the rack and holds it up. in the mirror, it doesn’t look good against her skin, but her eyes travel to solji’s reflection behind her. she grins.

“solji!” meiqi sing-songs, skipping over to the older girl. she lifts the dress once more, this time against solji’s torso, and admires the way the colours complement her in a way that they could never do so with meiqi. “this is so pretty, unnie. you should try it on! practice your model poses for me!” she doesn’t leave any room to refuse, already nudging her group mate towards the changing rooms. “go, go, go!”

meiqi thinks that solji tagged along today only to babysit the youngest of the group, to make sure she doesn’t do something stupid and ruin the image of their group before they even debut. she can’t exactly blame the thought process, but this is her idea of revenge. she plucks other clothes off racks randomly on their way to the fitting rooms, not even looking at the designs. everything looks good on someone as pretty as solji. 

[yutark]

new instagram post !! —@yu_n

( MORE... )

just an update, found my lost friends. they’re on the sn project?? ㅋㅋ 

first! is my sister-in-law? solji. (@doremifasol.ji) my own sister-in-law! her brother is married to my sister, and they didn’t even know. nova is more secretive than trc. they should make secret agents instead of idols. she’s a better singer than me ㅋㅋㅋㅋ~ which isn’t saying much, but she’s good. she is. she’s not as good a dancer as me, but, you have to have flaws somewhere? lolol ┐(￣ヘ￣)┌

jungwoo (@juwoos). if he was an anime character, he’d have that whole redemption arc and people would hate him, and then love him again ㅋㅋㅋ~ he’s too good looking to dislike. have you seen his face? i might.... say he’s nearly as handsome as me. might. you should send him love and follow him on ig. i don’t think he’ll see it unless he’s eliminated though? spam him while he’s away lolol he’ll love it ♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ) bonus pts if you spam him with pictures of me~ bc i’m sure he misses me lol

wendyyyyy~~ (@wendyson) ㅋㅋ~ do you need me to come be your peter pan and get you out of there? wow. after i bought you those books and worked with you on those dances, you don’t even tell me? you better do well at dancing! lol Ψ(`_´ #  )↝ but wendy is cool and chic. she looks soft and sweet, but she’s hurt my feelings at least twice. lolol i feel like my friendship is unrequited with her. ㅋㅋㅋㅋ is there a trick to making amazing vocalists your friend? do you have to sing a certain key?

ah, and hyuna. (@ashashbaby) i’m sorry for breaking your wrist before this project?? ㅋㅋㅋ~ if i knew, i would have been more careful on the ice!!! if she gets eliminated bc of me, how will i live with myself?ヽ(~～~ )ノ took down my rival by accident, after all those attempts to do it on purpose lol~ please support her. it’s difficult competing when you’re injured. she’s a good rapper, nearly as good as me. i’ve decided that i’m better than her for now, bc she can’t see this. so i win~ lol she’s cute. please someone send her a dog in there? you will see how cute she is then~

also, i’ve done a video with chaeyoung (@sonchaeng) before? amazing rapper. go check her out -- i think it was back a bit. we did a song by winner, a year ago? i picked her bc she was good. trust me~ ㅋㅋ

[hyojinrk-archived]

&. your symphony

@soljirk

"that’s off the list,” hyojin mumbles to himself, ticking off the entry labeled “cereal” on his phone, slipping the box of french toast crunch into his basket. slowly, but surely, he’s making his way through the things he needs this week. it was his turn to buy the groceries this week -- jooyoung had done it last time.

no matter how mundane, hyojin genuinely didn’t mind doing chores -- it was always satisfying to get another thing on the to-do list done. besides, it was a part of daily life; he’s been helping his mother with groceries since he was an elementary school child.

as he walks down the aisle of the snacks section, hyojin hears a faint melody nearby. turning his head to look around, he catches a glance of blonde hair before spotting another thing on his list. making a beeline for the row of chip bags, he reaches up to grab a few bags, all the while listening to a familiar tune being hummed by another person. he’s sure that if he started looking after getting these bags, he would find who it was relatively quickly; the supermarket was almost completely empty. it was an odd hour of the night on a weekday, after all.

“돌아와줘, i want you back, back, back, back, back,” he sings along without thinking, quickly picking up the harmony line along with the unknown singer as they reach the chorus.

[rkmeiqi-archived]

⭐️ — winding down.

@soljirk

everyone seems busy with their own thing, scattered around the dorm as they wrap up for the day and prepare for the night. meiqi’s just gotten out of the shower, towel-drying her hair as she pads towards her room. none of her roommates appear to be occupying their beds, and meiqi isn’t in the mood to be left alone (she’s finally reverting back to her regular self).

she’s actually feeling kind of homesick right now. she misses spending time with chungha before they fall asleep, those nights where they would braid each other’s hair to avoid having to curl or straighten it the next day. thus, hoping to find someone to fill that role, meiqi peeks into the other room in the dorm. she finds solji resting in her bed, a perfect target.

“solji?” meiqi knocks on the door, calling the other girl’s name. “do you by any chance know how to braid hair?”

[rkchoutzuyu]

*Elaborate

starter for Solji

The world gave Tzuyu a little brother she did not ask for. Her loving little family had now become two halves-one which had mutated and sprouted more connections. She ignored the negative feelings and acted like they weren’t there. It’s not like she wanted to hate her little brother, but she didn’t want to be reminded that her parents were no longer together or that her father had forgotten her and loved his new family the way he used to love theirs. Thankfully, whatever powers controlled fate decided to even the balance and give her Solji. She wasn’t sure how her mother knew Solji’s mother, but they were family friends and she grew close to Solji. The only sibling she had and they weren’t even blood related. She wasn’t surprised much that Solji had become a trainee, she always believed in her. It had been a while since they caught up considering that the other’s schedule was so tight now.

Tzuyu wasn’t even sure she had even told her that she wanted to be an idol. They kept in touch, of course but she wanted to tell her face to face. Spend hours talking to her older sister and confiding in her what she was thinking, her plans-everything. Then, as if the universe were connecting them, she receives a text from Solji. It was she has something to tell her. Tzuyu wasn’t sure what that could be but she was hoping for the best. A debut soon? Maybe she was told she was amazingly talented and told she’d debut solo. She wasn’t sure how the process worked but she was expecting good news.

[text] Solji unnie: Okay! Should we meet then?

Without a response, she started to get dressed. If it were something that could be said over text, Solji would have lead with it, right?

[rkmiya]

☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ SN PROJECT SOLO TIME ˎˊ˗

month: three week: four - may 26th LIVE CONCERT! opening dance + freestyle! (1:11-1:20) hush + omona! (line distribution) for outfit reference, check back to THIS!

sunmi was beyond ready for the finale of this prison they’ve been subjected to for three months. it was more draining than sunmi initially anticipated. they were together at any given moment. for meals, for practise, to sleep. it was nova kids 24/7. sunmi longed for the isolation of her room and for the comfort of knowing she’d be alone without anything recording her.

(she knows that for some time after she’s still going to walk around with a certain stiffness as if expecting a camera to catch a habit of hers even if there isn’t any one around her.)

the group had been training together. the practise room was a blend of red and blue and the single gold vest. solji. she had been blessed the the opportunity. sunmi took it upon herself to tell her she was proud of her. she more than deserved the position because she surely was talented. even when the other denied it, sunmi assured her that she has impeccable talent and she deserves to be recognised for it and she deserves to relish in the victory of it. beyond that, the eldest trainee took no notice to vest colours. nor did she ever grow meek for wearing the red vest. unchanged with her interactions with any of the girls despite any comparisons or trickery their ceo tried to commit. she treated them all the same. she wanted them to succeed.

wendy was looking much healthier now. it was a relief of sunmi’s to know that she didn’t have to worry about the other as much. they only had a week to fine tune any nicks and hiccups in their performances. sunmi couldn’t afford to have to back pedal to make sure no one else was falling apart. if they were, they either didn’t come to her or did a damn good job of hiding it. the truth was, the close they came to the finale the more and more tired sunmi felt. she was exhausted and probably didn’t have the emotional capacity to try and shoulder someone else’s problems.

they were almost done. she just wanted it to be over.

she wasn’t expecting hui to join her on one of her broodier days but she welcomed the company. the two eldest of the girls and boys respectively. for a moment they were together in silence then in the next, hui said in almost a whisper, “what if only the girlss or boyss will get to debut?” sunmi’s shoulders rolled back and she stiffened. she played with this scenario in her mind many times. she tortured herself with it.

hyun bin believed he was being so innovative by making a show in which both genders compete to debut. it was to generate public attention and hype. it was to get the popularity that nova had lost over the years because he so carelessly decided not to debut a group outright. what he didn’t care to think of was how many trainees were suffering from this. how many of them were banking on this; both male and female trainees were desperate at this point. half and half. if one goes, the other is at a loss. five years. sunmi can’t do this anymore and she knows she can’t.

her eyes glaze over a bit. she looks a bit distant. there’s some sort of ache in her chest. regret. “then i signed away another 2 years for no reason. i’ll be 28 by the time i’m done with nova and if we don’t debut now i sure as hell know i won’t be debuted then. i’ll have wasted my time and life at this company and i hate that this is the scenario for more than just me.”

he doesn’t say something. looking at him through her peripherals tells her he was stewing over her response. she turns to him as he speaks again. “you think this month will be the end of the line for me?” sunmi wants to scoff. she wants to laugh and tell him he’s being ridiculous. but is he though? they were both here, red vests even after everything they’ve put into this company. told that they were disappointing despite being masters of their specific creed. they’re not ready. not good enough. humiliated. ignored.

maybe huidong wasn’t crazy for thinking so because sunmi was almost certain that no matter what she did, she was still going to be the one going home.

“you?” she shakes her head. “probably not. i’ve been saying this from the beginning that i felt like this was going to be a boys thing. nova boys. seems like the way to go, no? i wouldn’t be surprised if after all this when we watch the show itself that it’s edited for the boys favour mostly while the girls are given smaller snippets.” she doesn’t want to sound bitter but she can’t help it. how many years have gone by that the nova girls have been given the shorter end of the stick? even if nova has done things that were shared between the two genders, who always had the greater opportunities? the boys. it’s been that way for years and she doubts it’ll change now.

“what’re they going to do without you? what would they even kick you off for? for saying you’re too old?” sunmi scoffs. the idea sounds so laughable to her. “then that’s nova’s fault for taking years to even do something. if they did this years ago, your age wouldn’t be the question.” huidong nods although she’s not sure if it’s because he agrees or because he’s noting that he’s listening to her. sunmi sighs.

“i’m sad bambam got eliminated,” huidong says after a moment. sunmi looks up at him in alarm. “hui opp--”

“as a hyung it was my responsibility.”

sunmi shakes her head, reaching out to touch his arm and grab his attention. “no.” she says this firmly. “it’s not. we feel that need to protect and herd them so we feel that personal responsibility when we lose one or if they fall apart but we cannot take that as a personal fault. it’s not our job to at this moment to make sure they all excel. it’s theirs. we may be a team but it’s time they sink or swim on their own. you can’t take that on yourself.”

for a moment she expects huidong to counter her. to say that she was wrong and it was his fault. that he should have gone home instead or ensured that bambam did better. instead he says she was right. “maybe that’s what hyun bin was trying to tell me.”

sunmi shakes her head and scoffs. “who knows what that man is trying to say.”

at some point, sunmi overhears a conversation in which kaeun says she wasn’t sorry for taking a spot in the safe zone. she wouldn’t give up her chance for it. sunmi realises that if she cared more (or if this was a version of herself from a couple of years ago) she would have gotten angry. insulted. probably would have rounded the corner, curses blazing to tell kaeun off with how insensitive she sounded. the truth was, kaeun was right.

none of them would feel sorry for being safe. none of them would give a moment to look back. because even if sunmi took the time to tell the girls that they should do their damn best, that they got this in them and whatever other encouragements she had for them, they still avoided the blue vests like the plague. awkward. possibly envious. and it was sunmi who wasn’t fazed in the end.

instead the elder nods. she only says, “you should never be sorry,” as she passes. it was the only tidbit she gave to the conversation.

sunmi wasn’t expecting a thank you from wendy. it was a surprise. it came up out of the blue after they wrapped up a group practise together before branching off to to individual work. sunmi almost reminded wendy that there was no need to thank her. she would always check to make sure that they were okay. that always went without saying.

wendy insisted regardless and sunmi found herself rolling her eyes (playfully) and pulling the younger into a hug. “i love you all very much, okay? i always want to make sure you guys are doing your best.” she mumbles against wendy although she’s sure their mics had no problem picking that up.

“you picked up your freestyle really well,” sunmi said with a smile as jungwoo finished what sunmi promised to be his last full run of the dance for her satisfaction. “you know you’re going to do phenomenal at the live show, right?”

perhaps it was the approach of the end of this hellish nightmare for them that was making her feel more sentimental than not. even if her demeanor is sometimes stand offish, she opens up well with most, if not all of them. perhaps it was more than just different for jungwoo in particular considering their complex relationship took quite a bit of time to reach where it is now: a point where they could consider each other friends.

the younger boy turns to her, the confusion clear on his face. “noona are you feeling okay?” sunmi rolls her eyes, playfully (and lightly) smacking at his arm. he still blinks at her like he wasn’t sure she was being truthful. sunmi chooses to ignore his expression (and stomps down the urge to call him out on it). instead she adjusts his gold vest so it was straightened and fixes his hair so it’s more orderly. “i’m perfectly fine, jungwoo. i’m just really proud of you okay?”

when she pulls back to look at the younger she’s surprised to see tears in his eyes. if she said something wrong she wasn’t expecting tears. annoyance, maybe but not anything worth crying over. sunmi sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. “god, why are you crying right now?”

"i’m just tired you made me do this dance like five times in a row!” he whined defensively. sunmi knew better.

she lightly flicks his forehead. “idiot. go wipe your face. there’s no need to cry.”

in a feeble attempt to do what she says he wipes his eyes with his sweater sleeve but his face is still pink and tears are still forming. she shakes her head, moving closer to wipe his tears herself. “i’m tired too but you’re doing great,” she says with a smile, knowing it probably did nothing but provoke even more tears from the younger. he looks ready to complain again and she laughs, pulling him to a hug. “you need to stop teasing me, noona,” he says petulantly although he hugs her back. she pats his head. “yeah but no one can tease you as well as i can.”

the day of the live concert came far too quickly. there was the pre-performance jitters as always. they always mildly plagued the elder but it was never something so incredible that she inhibited her from actually doing the performance. she was happy that the first performance of the night was dancing. hyun bin could slander her skills all he wanted but at least the live audience would be impressed with her dancing (and maybe her performance in the group too) before their ceo trashes her once again in front of thousands of people.

live.

she tried not to be bitter that day. she couldn’t let her negative emotions overwhelm her. just a couple more hours from now and this would be all over. she needed to make it through the end. if she could just do it without breaking down completely she would consider it a success.

getting ready probably took a lot longer than she anticipated. in the salon chair, sunmi was just about ready to fall asleep in the chair. thankfully between performances she wasn’t going to get much done to her hair and makeup. she would be groggy from the mini naps if that were the case.

in the very least she was wide awake because of the electricity in the air. nerves, excitement. everyone seemed pumped. it kept sunmi awake (after her hair was done). maybe the nerves overrode the excitement that their trials were coming to an end. they still didn’t know what they were competing for. they know who was doing best for the boys and girls however they didn’t know the overall ranking. where did both genders stand in one ranking? were the boys doing better than the girls? who was the best overall trainee of them?

sunmi had a feeling they were going to learn this after their performances were over.

“we’re almost done,” she tells hyuna as they’re getting their makeup done. when the artist goes to grab a different brush sunmi takes the opportunity to turn to her. “are you nervous or are you excited?” everyone seems to be a blend of both though for the danger zone people - now finally without their red vests - it was a conflicting feeling.

sunmi has a feeling that by the end of this, she’s still going to be ranked low. she feels it. it’s like inevitability. it was the only thing she’s heard since coming to nova. criticisms. it was never that she was good enough or praised. she wasn’t rewarded like she was in sphere. it wasn’t the same. she was fully prepared for hyun bin to tell her she stays in her danger zone position and she’s out of the running to debut. the old man thinks he’s being dramatic or cute by doing such a thing. it would only make him an idiot for benching a veteran trainee. one that he’d surely lose after this, at that.

sunmi doesn’t voice this to hyuna, however. she lets the cynical thoughts circle in her mind. the thoughts that left her (apologetically) distracted that she didn’t get hyuna’s answer. instead she reaches across their makeup chairs to grab her hand and squeeze it. “ash,” she starts in english, “no matter what happens...” she finishes in korean, “you did so amazingly well. you made it to the end. that’s something to be proud of, okay? it’s an accomplishment.” if hyuna loses, it wouldn’t feel like much of an accomplishment because she wasn’t debuting. sunmi wouldn’t fault her if she ultimately felt that way. but she knows that it’s what a lot of them need right now: being told that they did well. if hyun bin wasn’t going to be that person then so be it.

sunmi was fine with standing in and doing just that.

they were ready to go up for the “intro” of the concert so to speak. they had practised this specific routine for the last two weeks. sunmi hoped this all served them well and that hopefully the order does them some good. suddenly sunmi thinks they should have considered dancing skill comparison when choosing the order so nobody gets upstaged but it’s too late the back track now.

sunmi has her pinky looped around wendy’s as they stand off waiting for the cue to go on stage. the urge of softness and kindness hasn’t left her all month, especially when she seems so set on her next move should this end badly. it was best to get all the kindness out now before sunmi (inevitably) turns sour from this experience.

“you know, wen, i am so proud of you,” she tells the younger in english. a number of the nova girls spoke english as well so it wasn’t like she was attempting to disguise her conversation. it just felt more natural between them to speak in the language they both shared. she looked down at wendy, who was looking back up at her with wide eyes. “i am. you really pulled yourself together. you’re going to kill it today, you understand? you’re going to do amazing and i couldn’t be prouder. i love you a lot.”

there was something about telling people things that they don’t believe themselves: they cry. they’re not prepared for people to tell them that because it’s been so long since they heard an affirmation like that that they stopped believing. jungwoo cried, hyuna cried and now wendy had tears threatening to spill as well. sunmi was quick to reach for a napkin to dab at the tears. wendy laughed despite her tears.

“you know, sunmi unnie, the last person to tell me that was my mum.” sunmi paused, looking at wendy. “on our last phone call together. that’s what she told me too.” sunmi felt her heart twist. of course she wasn’t anyones real mother in nova. some “kids” only were a year younger than her. in hyuna and solji’s case they were the same age as sunmi so it wasn’t like she was their mother either. but to the younger ones; the ones with a clear age gap between them like sunmi and wendy’s 5 years, sunmi was a parental figure away from home. haknyeon has said it multiple times (even going as far as to openly call her ‘mom’ several times), ricky at one point had commented it as well.

sunmi didn’t want kids. she’s not sure that stance will ever change. (it’s not like she can have them anyways, while dating jinkyung.) but even if she ever changed her mind she already has so many with the people in nova. it was enough for her.

sunmi never thought that nova would amount to sphere. she was right. by company standards, nova will never mean to her what sphere did. but the people? the people are just as much family as the old sphere trainees were. the nova trainees were her favourite and only pro to being in nova. they’re the reason she stays time and time again. maybe it’s time to let the birds leave the nest. or, rather, for the mama to.

sunmi doesn’t think about it for the rest of the night.

she dances her ass off. she was being serious when she said that dances made for girl groups were always lack lustre and boring to watch. they were meant to show how sexy and pretty the girls were as if that’s all they were capable of doing. sunmi not only kicked down that stereo type but she choke slammed it with her tough popping centre dance.

screw girls only being sexy for their freestyles while boys get to be impressive. it wasn’t cool nor fair and sunmi wasn’t about to play into the agenda of being just eye candy when debut was at stake. she wasn’t sure if they were going to catch her pop up jump at the very end but god she’d be so angry if it doesn’t make it into the episode cut. it was the best part. sometimes camera work was notorious for being extraordinarily shitty. she didn’t suffer with bruised legs for them to not catch it.

truthfully sunmi wasn’t a fan of either song. though they were clearly supposed to represent 2 different vibes they were ultimately the same. although omona was more overtly feel good and cute, it still had these elements of maturity and sensuality that made the slow-paced song just a bit odd for sunmi. while hush was clearly supposed to be more sexy (at least that’s what parts of the choreography suggested) but there were parts that were just....cute. or was it the way the girls sang it that it sounded very cutesy to sunmi’s ears?

she tried not to be pessimistic especially when she felt like the boys were going to have something more energetic and diverse in sound that the girls were going to pale in comparison. it wouldn’t be fair in the end because these were songs they were handed but at least it would confirm to sunmi that the girls were always set up to fail in lieu of the boys taking centre of the entire project itself. it only left her to be annoyed as to why hyun bin would do all this but she couldn’t get ahead of herself. they had two original songs to perform. so for just about 8 minutes, sunmi would have to put on a mask and perform as if she’s all-in with the song. idols did it all the time. she can do it for her final live performances of the super nova project at the very least.

sunmi felt antsy.

she was glad to get their final performance out of the way but now this meant for their coaches and ceo to deliberate live in real time and deliver the results. there wasn’t any doubt that hyun bin was going to drag this on for suspense but sunmi was really ready to get this over with.

she kept saying this. maybe if she convinced herself enough that she wanted this over with she’d be less disappointed when it actually was. the mantra kept playing over and over in her head. sunmi even had a bit of trouble staying still in her spot. her bed was so close yet so far. she needed to know the nightmare was over.

then finally they got ready to start. this was it. it was time. sunmi figures it’ll take just about ten or fifteen minutes for the final results and explanations to come out. then, after that they will be free to go. free to collect their phones and free to pack he hell up and sleep. she was ready she was so ready for it.

the minute the nova ceo got ready to speak, sunmi felt her stomach drop. maybe she was bullshitting herself. because in that moment, seeing the microphone in his hand she realised: sunmi wasn’t ready to hear the final fate of her career. this was her last shot and his words had more weight than even he realised.

a part of her wasn’t ready for this to be the end.