#solid 10 hours of sleep (woke up for an hour bc my mom made me eat) but still want to go back to sleep lol

[parasolids]

did absolutely nothing last night, just grabbed some groceries and then went home and showered and went directly to sleep at 5 pm

[shytiff]

Small Dec Wins

i cant believe its December already tf?!?!?!

1 - poli KIA today. saw a mother who cant feel the movement of their baby. the senior midwife tried to find the baby’s heart beat but not finding it. she said she hopes she were wrong. fell asleep at 3pm-ish, woke up super hungry. ate. i swear i feel like my weight when i measured it this morning was ~52, but after eating its close to 54 lol. eating banana and chocolate nextar is yummm. dalbang today is hella funny as always and suuper endearing. fell asleep after dalbang, didnt study hufttt

2 - today im at igd but joined azkia at vk for a bit to see partus. its not that im scared (maybe not consciously) but when the mom was being stitched i felt lightheaded, nausea, cold extremities, and i even had to squat multiple times because i couldnt stand. But i felt better after the partus so maybe seeing it was the cause. I did not feel scared at all honestly ._. and i’ve seen multiple partus before. i dont know why. i can literally feel my symphatetic tone giving out lmaoo. tried matcha latte with Cy matcha powder. it tasted more milky and grassy. mom thought it tasted like nori. i prever cocodeli alll the way (although Cy is cheaper). i think it also has a bit of caffeine that made me feel awake like a normal person should be. 

3 - today is vk but there’s no patient so thank god i saw sumn yesterday. did some cicil ukmppd in the morning accompanied by matcha latte. tried to order dufan tickets and i couldnt find my damn ktp...... fell asleep after worrying about said ktp

4 - matcha latte in the car, swab at lmk, went to dufan by tj with willy, had quite some funn with atikah nila willy amel pupuy. first time trying kereta misteri, quite fun. it rained after ashar so we didnt ride anything after that. turns out my ktp was at barel’s fotocopy lmaoo thankyou ara for picking it. went to solaria ancol afterwards, picked up by mom. i didnt tell her in the morning that i was going to dufan lmao. plenary @ zoom 19 pm. rapat nemo. fell asleep.

5 - went to lmk by tj to surprise clara. went back home and fell asleep. didnt rly do anything afterwards because this ragged body gets tired easily and i dont eat much recently. i can feel the difference before and after eating and there’s actual energy after eating. its not that im hungry though, but i feel less energized. felt annoyed terrible and just wanna lay in bed (this is unrelated with the less food in my system). even though i met up with friends

6 - after LOTS of sleeping i feel somehow better but not to a ‘normal’ amount. watched kimbab family videos. did power vinyasa by doogether with fianti. took a shower and ate indomie and i felt quite normal, except i slept again wtf. i thought i would have the second half of the day but nah. did self tryouts with fianti, 150 FDI questions. I got 96/150 right. huft. such a great reality check

7 - poli lansia with dokter isip, matcha latte in the afternoon rly helps me not sleeping the day away, packed up for depok

8 - poli umum with dr gita (helped doing phys exam), packed the rest of my stuff, ate some risol and matcha lattteee in the car, took swab results, picked up hazmats etc, zoom discussion with FT PKM Kalideres (dr gita) on the way, and i finally arrived at tamel. dinner is granola with vsoy. Taste like a slightly wet granola bar, nutty fiber-y vibe

9 - walked in ui with ara, managed to jog from the trees near st ui until kuburan bikun wow. i reached that point where my leg and heart were going in a steady unburdened pace and my willpower to keep going on was tested. tried the signature steak in Double U Steak by Chef Widi, while ara tried ribeye. the ribeye was more tender than the signature. but the seasoning in the signature is quite delish, salty and oily without being too much (like futago ya). read poppyland fast pass from ara’s phone omg season 1 is finally complete! went to coftof (omgggg i miss this place), it looks different now. ordered matcha latte and it tasted weirdly like a soy milk although ara doesnt feel that way. the matcha tasted weird. wont repurchase. read chainsaw man, its so entertaining, funny and deep at the same time. denji mess around and be too naive sometimes but hes lowkey hot lmaooo. aki is lovvvvve.

10 - first day at rsud budhi asih. had moesli combined with granola + vsoy for brekkie. went back to tamel at 3 pm. it rained when i got back. bought warteg lugina worth 32k. walked to sbux for tumbler day its been a while since i had their matcha latte. it tasted quite good, but not as good as i remembered (?) maybe bcs i asked for non fat milk. sbux closes at 8 pm for now hikss

11 - left tamel at about 7:10 and arrived on budhi asih at 08:54 yalll the traffic. Icu. Bought eatlah double and ate the salted egg part. Nap. ICU discussion with dr Dedi @8pm. I presented from my phone to save data hehe,,

12 - woke up at 8, eatlah brown butter for brekkie, symcard, saladstop's caesar salad for lunch (quite 'eneg' because i didnt eat the cheese evenly so the chicken and cheese were eaten last after the vegs are out. The vegetable's not that variative, and the non vegs make the salad taste delicious (albeit maybe not THAT healthy). Evening jog @UI and i realized i can get wifi sitting near the lake n library. Stared at the night sky from my room, i swear the sky seems super clear. Saw tiny fireworks in the distance

13 - ate muesli and saladstop’s banana walnut cake, symcard, bought moon chicken and saladpoint. lunch was egg salad and the wings. the original tasted so good like??? maybe i havent had msg for a while. also tried big bang, not too spicy which is nice. cicil ukmppd. put my laundry at buih barel lmaoo. try out with fianti. got 70/100

14 - breakfast was salad and leftover chicken. today was bangsal with angga armand. the geriatric patient has a loud murmur yall (and scoliosis, so much that the heart looks distorted). went to margo city to see sales, but when i think about it id rather just thrift stuff lmao. bought lugina. slept through kuliah guru besar. writing this in yellow truck coffee, that had 2 customers on the 1st floor including me. tried banana milk. yall after trying to drink less sugar the beverage tasted super sweet. my headache just goes away. sugar is magic but unhealthy whyyyyy.

15 - igd siang with indah. This body sure is frail. Did cbd with dr afifah AND rescheduled pleno. Rip mobile data i have to use for hotspot.

16 - ok today. Inserted goedel and did bagging. I bagged the patient the wrong way at first (too much). Thankfully the nurses were kind and taught us a lot :) watched some bts content. I feel like after reading househusband my tiktok page is now immensely funnier. Dalbang is also hilarious as always. Put on ginseng sheet mask (smells quite strong)

17 - bangsal. snacked on fried chicken. matcha latte starbucks (turns out its quite full here) and liqo about keeping our tongues in check

18 - arrived at icu. And then opened line. Turns out hadin's swab is positive, so agung kak iman and me have to isolate and swab. So i went back. Ordered kanayam chicken and fish and tempe. Nasi liwet tasted goood damn. Sleptt in the afternoon. Pleno at 4 pm (entered the room 4:30). Had no motivation to do anything. Azkia is getting married! Spent 20 mins formulating words to congratulate her lmaoo

19 - osce simulation, kak nanu was so kind and encouraging. Did try out solid. Lunch is fish bite pasta with melted cheese (cause i had to reach the minimum amount for promo). It got cold so its not that good (pairing it with self made mentai sauce, mixing the mayo and chili, is way much better). Jogged in ui (and searched for wifi). Approached by someone selling haraus coffee (25k), saying that some earnings will be for charity. Its basically sweet. Can barely taste the coffee.

20 - had kanayam for lunch (brekkie is almost always muesli lately). The nasi liwet tasted much better the first time. Walked to yellow truck coffee in the pouring rain. Got banana milk. Saw webinar ksk (electrolyte correction and dr nadhira talkshow). What i got from it is that, dr nadhira is a different person from the first place. Shes visionary, knows what she want and not afraid to reach it. The mindset is different. Even if i try as hard as her, her propensity to growth is different. Cicil ukmppd. Try out with fianti (got 72/100). Talked for an hour about love and marriage and engagements (there are so much of it lately)

21 - leftover kanayam for brekkie, also ate roti salman in cikini st. swab today (met kris, nessa and others). muesli for lunch. i thought my body felt a bit warm, so i decided to find sumn to eat. tried kedai abu bakar’s spaghetti brulee. its okay. maybe because its not too cheesy or meaty, mainly bechamel sauce. the one pupuy made is much tastier. finished the whole 10x20 portion in 2 eating sesh. cicil ukmppd @ bed in the evening (somehow felt refreshed enough to be able to concentrate in bed)

22 - went early to icu to put dops form. lugina for early lunch. i feel like my metabolism is faster? or my body is not so much in calorie deficit mode anymore and it got greedier lmao i used to just ignore hunger but not now, for health. starbiiies tumbler day. ordered black tea latte with non fat milk and vanilla syrup (because raspberry syrup is no more). did cbd geri ppt. 

23 - finally knew the swab result bcs kak iman asked kak farras. thankfully negative. igd with jordi. quite a few chances to do iv line, but i failed 2 times. managed to do iv injection to insert 2 drugs. saw the worst cpr ive ever seen in my life. its too slow, with maximal interruption. fish bite for lunch. wasted the rest of my day

24 - originally intended to run but i cant bring myself out of bed. packed up my stuff. picked up by mom. got the paper result of swab, got ksk from kelvyn @ capitol. can finally drink self-made matcha latte again, but it tasted horrible. i know cy matcha doesnt have that much going on, but even this is low even for them. previously i was starting to get used to the grassy smell.

25 - my lil bro remarked “maybe shes depressed because she doesnt have her chair”. fuck yall. this “depression” that im in is caused by this very place and the people. and im supposed to still muster the strength to study for ukmppd AND get my face together for solid book photoshoot. that shit is too much. this is why the money that goes to cafe, and the bike ride there is worth it for my sanity. after showering, things felt a bit better. had absolutely no will to study today. ate muesli with a bit of matcha latte.

26 - muesli for breakfast. matcha latte is lyfff ive probably said this before but it ~somehow~ makes me feel normal and not in a slump. like im a regular person. with normal moods. and not wanting to sleep all the time. i try to do ukmppd exercises but the pace is so fucking slow, bcs im distracted by get rich haha,,,. the latest potn update (64) is omgggg the mixed feelings? love? hate? anger? everything and nothing? the ~tension and passion~? im obsessed. watched a ton of bts content today and yesterday lmao.

27 - nasi kebuli for brekkie. went to flavola, im the first customer lmao. tried kopi susu coklat, tasted quite close enough to janjiw’s kopi soklat. had the same ~improved mood and concentration~ effect. tried to read ksk. bought milky banana 1L from puyo to give dajen (its his bday yesterday) (i feel prompted (?) to gift people when theyve given a present to me) (because my love lang is not gift giving at all so i barely think abt gifts lmao). talked with sum 33 ipa guys @ dajens house. yay appropriate amount of social battery charging. tryout with fianti, padi this time. got 67/100. 

28 - ate muesli with matcha latte after breakfast. cicil ukmppd. Listened to yoongi's vlive until i fell asleep lol. 2 burger and salad for dinner. omggg hansol revealed his gf. 

29 - spent half of my day tidying up the mess that is my room. figured out what to wear for solid book photoshoot with fianti, ara. matcha latte terosss. phd for dinner. 

30 - breakfast is muesli with cimory choco hazelnut. mom made matcha chocolate brownies. tryna study. slow pace terosss. read some padi materials. dalbang.

31 - bought vsoy low sugar and multigrain. moved my body a bit to youtube videos. showered. felt better. it also rained (which i love). the pleasant mood only lasted til the evening. did nothing from 7pm even though im not sleepy. cant tell when did i start to sleep

and just like that, 2020 kkeut. its sad to say i dont rly remember much remarkable things this year. other than the trip and memories with minor rotation friends. i just remember wasting my life away in my house. i guess that’s the danger of living a monotone life. sometimes you gotta invest some time to have fun, to have motivation to live on and do things. not doing this makes it difficult to live day by day. and friends. meeting friends, seeing new stuff. that helps me live. 

[growyoga-blog]

Josie Ann has arrived via induction on September 4th. We left our house at 11:30 PM on Tuesday & started the inducement process at midnight. All was going well. By 5 AM my contractions were strong & consistent. My nurse made the mistake of telling me I could get my epidural whenever, so I ordered it at 6:30. Shortly after, the process began and some lady came in to complete the task. She was slightly weird.. didn’t even turn on the lights (it was even still dark out) and was chatting up my nurse about her commute etc. Without much instruction, in the midst of my contraction she randomly stuck my back, and almost instantly my left leg was numb, followed by unnreal shooting pains like electricity through my legs butt snd back. Within a minute I asked her if I should be numb in my belly and next thing I know I lose all feeling uptop and fall backwards. This is when I knew it was bad because the anesthesiologist said “oh this is not supposed to happen. This isn’t good” followed by lots of “Stacie, stay with us”.. but that’s all I really remember bc I was numb to my head basically, and my neck was so numb I was struggling to breathe. I was put on oxygen, and nurses were rushing the room bc my heart rate and the babies heart rate completely dropped. Not sure how much time passed but when I came back to, I was exhausted and completely unable to move. Bobby was noticeably crying, and my anthesialogist was gone & this new guy was in there watching over me as well as a room of nurses. My induction was stopped. Petocin taken off, and my epidural taken out. It took me well over 2 hours for body to regain any feeling. Imagine having a dead arm, so tingly and heavy all over your body at the same time. TRUE TORTURE. I was crawlingf out of my skin in the absolute worse way possible. Come to find out, that I had what was called a high block wet tap. And after research, it’s so rare that it only happens .007% of the time and is the #1 killer of pregnant women causing them to go into cardiac arrest within 5 minutes. The hospital was very selective in their words to describe what happened, because it is operater error. The anesthesiologist poked into a membrane too far and release spinal fluid. I learned she only objected 1/4 of the actual medicine before I went numb.. so god only knows what would have happened if I received the whole dose. Somehow, this new guy came in hours later and restored my faith.. and I ended up getting another epidural but one much weaker. It basically took the edge off. I ended up giving birth at 3:45 PM to a 6.12 pound baby girl! It was much different from last time, as I could actually feel myself giving birth.. and it was pretty cool. The rest of the hospital stay was normal. And we were so happy to come home Thursday evening and settle in. Charli was brought home around 8 pm by grandparents and was very up and down about the new baby, and sharing mom. She wanted to be excited but there were lots of silent tears (she’s extremely, extremely emotional). The worst part of my night was when she kept getting out of bed and crying saying she wanted her mommy. Nothing worse than that! I maybe slept 3 hours my whole hospital stay, bc I let bobby sleep during the night with plans of trading off and sleeping during the day but literally people did not stop coming and going the entire day. I managed to stay up all night Thursday night as well, and finally got into bed at 8 AM this morning.. only for my mother to show up unannounced snd woke up our entire house. She didn’t leave until 2 where I worked hard to get everyone asleep cause and it worked.. fell asleep and 10 minutes later we had a random salesperson knock on our door and woke us all up. So I finally got an hour and a half off solid sleep from 12:30 to about 2 but she’s got no plans of going back to sleep anytime soon. Such is the life of a baby. Im not sure I’m ready for bob to go back to work on Monday, as I am a little overwhelmed.. but charli has been relatively helpful and we are doing our best!

[cemeteryknives]

Hi sage!! How are you doing? :)

hi! life’s a lil bit wacky. i know i’m late on answering this, but i’ve had an interesting few days. monday morning my mom left for an Energy Democracy Alliance conference thing and i’ve been on my own for a few days.

so monday was good. i did my work, got stuff done, went to yoga, and went to a lecture on the connections between sports and activism and how athletes can use their voices. then on my walk home i ran into the campus redbull rep and got a free redbull then semi-accidentally drank it at 10pm. so i started watching mr. robot. great show but a bit scary. dyed my hair blue at midnight, then kept watching till 4am then took a shower then slept for 2 hours.

then i went to school (my old high school, bc i take that one english class there). i accidentally said hi to the principal who doesn’t know i’ve been taking that class for the past 5 months and also an administrator who’d also seen me the day before saw me again. so i’m busted for that, and can’t keep taking the class. wahoo. then i tried too hard to make plans with friends who are reasonably busy with regular life commitments and then i felt stupid.

then i started getting really lonely and sad and then watched the perks of being a wallflower to try to distract myself from that and it didn’t work and then i just paced around my house sobbing massively and punching the couch and considered walking to the hospital because i was feeling really really really death-y but then i remembered that i’d printed out a recipe for pineapple upside down cake earlier and decided to make it. i hacked a pineapple into bits and almost finished the batter but then realized we didn’t have eggs! tragic.

so i hopped on down the hill to Cool Aunt Friend Gretchen’s house with a box full of pineapple, batter, and a pan. she’s said in the past that i’m welcome to show up anytime, and i owed her for a past favor, so i figured it might be nice to bake a cake in her house! (my next door neighbors were busy, or i’d probably have just asked them for an egg, lol.) she was glad to see me and made me feel so damn valid… and she also had some other people from the lab who came over! they did homework together and i read a book while the cake was baking, and it was just really nice to be around people i love who care about me!

then we ate the cake together and it was really nice. then i went home and my mom had asked our housemate to have me call her when she got home, and nobody knew where i was (i left a note on the kitchen table but apparently our housemate didn’t go into the kitchen smh), and she’s really mad and doesn’t believe that i was actually at gretchen’s house and she doesn’t know why i chose that place to go (bc i fucking feel safe there, mom!) or whatever. but it’ll all get figured out. it’ll be fine.

anyway after that stressful phone call i just plain went the fuck to bed. i got like  a solid, beautiful 10 hours of sleep, and i woke up this morning refreshed and happy because it’s supposed to be nice and warm out today! i changed the sheets on my bed because i was supposed to do that monday, straightened up the living room, reheated some soup, and boiled some apple cider down to solid burnt sugar form (big oops). and i watched the second-to-last episode of the office. i don’t want it to end. endings, man. they aren’t necessarily bad, but they’re still hard. (that’s what she said.)

now i’m at the lab, and i’m about to go back outside.

thanks for asking! i doubt you wanted an answer that in-depth, but you got one. deal with it. i love you

[princeadams]

I’ve been tagged in another thing!!

actually, I’ve been tagged in several things, so I apologize for not doing many of them - I just don’t want to spam you all!! but to anyone who’s tagged me in something this past month, thank you so much for thinking of me <3  and thank you specifically to @galacticamidala for tagging me in this!! ily <3

rules: answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs a - age: I’ll be 19 in like two weeks :) b - birthplace: Baltimore, Maryland c - current time: 2:49 PM d - drink you had last: Dr. Pepper e - easiest person to talk to: @plumettesfeathers :) f - favourite song: apart from stuff from BATB, my favorite song has always been Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Iron & Wine. currently, I’m really into Ribs and Green Light by Lorde and everything on the playlist @waiititi made for me! g - grossest memory: idk, I can be pretty gross when I get really depressed. however, I think the grossest is when I had mono, and I was so exhausted and sleeping 18 hours a day through the pain, and I didn’t shower for a solid three days and was just surrounded by tissues from blowing my nose. h - horror yes or no: no, that would really upset me i - in love? thankfully not anymore, I finally got over someone pretty recently j - jealous of people? I don’t get unhealthy jealousy, but I mean obviously I’ll see someone and for a fleeting moment be jealous of their figure or something k - killed someone? no, and I don’t think I ever would (even in self defense) l - love at first sight or should i walk past again? I definitely think you can get a gut feeling, but love is a complex connection from soul to soul and that’s not something that can develop in a matter of seconds, it takes time m - middle name: Clair n - number of siblings: none o - one wish: my whole life, I’d probably say to find my Prince Charming, but recently, I really just want to make it in New York and be successful and loved (platonically or whatever) and happy. p - person i called last: probably my mom q - question you’re always asked: “Meg......why” r - reason to smile: it’s almost my birthday, so I’ll be treating myself to some cheesecake soon s - song you last sang: Everything She Wants by Wham! t - time you woke up: 1:00 PM bc I had trouble falling asleep last night and didn’t fall asleep until about 5:00 AM u - underwear color: white with roses v - vacation: I think the last time I went on vacation was when I went to Disney World in 2015 w - worst habit: self doubt, being a perfectionist x - xrays: so many, I’ve broken five bones y - your favorite food: good New York pizza z - zodiac sign: Gemini with a Capricorn moon  I tag: @tonal-gleeson, @gastt, @uncledisney, @je-suis-em-jee, @theteaisaddictive, @greensearcher, @enchantedxrose, @lumiereswig, @lumieresbedroom, @cornflowerblued, @thestanfoubrew, @sweetfayetanner @waiting-here-for--evermore, @remuslupinsmiled, @goldenhairedwolfgirl,  @funnygirltthatbelle and anyone else who would like to, most of my friends have already been tagged by someone else (hence why I didn’t tag you, Maddie, Maggie Fae and Daphne)

[ralphspina-blog1]

get to know me meme thing

LAST

1) Drink: chai tea... or wait, water after that, but the chai was good enough that it should still be mentioned

2) Phone Call: i last called my parents, the walk in clinic were the last to call me

3) Text Message: “did it turn out alright?” to a friend who accidentally said “i love you” to her bf well before she planed to, lmfao <3

4) Song Listened To: starboy by the weeknd, i still go on tears where i listen to it for hours on repeat

5) Time I Cried: yesterday, i’m pretty sure... i still mostly cry every day, and have been for a concerning amount of time, but eh

HAVE YOU EVER

6) Dated Somebody Twice: more than twice, tbh, i don’t even know how many times we ultimately broke up and got back together

7) Been Cheated On: same person as above, but even more times than we broke up because i was weak

8) Been Kissed By Someone And Regretted It: oh yes indeed, i have not wanted all of the kisses i’ve gotten

9) Lost Someone Special: i’ve lost some incredibly special people in my life. the two i miss most are my cousin (once removed) who passed away when i was about nine, and a former girlfriend (definitely the most serious and meaningful relationship i ever had) who passed away this past november

10) Been Depressed: yeah, i first started seeing professionals about it at 14 or so

11) Gotten Drunk And Puked: lmfao YES I HAVE, that was my life for about six months when i first went to college

THREE FAVORITE COLORS

12) brown

13) green

14) blue

IN THE LAST YEAR

15) Made New Friends: yeah! and i’m so happy :3

16) Fallen Out Of Love: i’m not good at doing that, sadly

17) Laughed Until You Cried: omg yes, i do that about once a week

18) Found Out Someone Was Gossiping About You: no, and i hope no one’s that pressed for gossip because i’m boring af

19) Met Someone Who Changed Your Life: i’m not really sure about that yet, it’s early in the year to know... unless we’re saying since last march, in which case yes, for sure

20) Found Out Who Your True Friends Are: i’ve lost touch with a few people but it wasn’t as harsh as that, more just shedding the social group that was only social because i don’t... go out... these days

21) Kissed Someone On Your Facebook List: in the last year - i don’t think so

HOW MANY/MUCH

22) Facebook Friends: 86

23) Pets: none :(

24) Want To Change Your Name: i did already! in my late 20s

WHAT

25) Did I Get For My Birthday: a couple of new pairs of glasses!

26) Time I Woke Up: oh my god, i think 3:30 am. it was a rough morning

27) Were You Doing At Midnight: trying to sleep...

28) Can’t You Wait For: my next distraction, it’s been a dull day

29) Was The Last Time You Saw Your Mom: she’s sitting beside me on the couch right now!

30) Was Something You Wish You Could Change About Your Life: how it’s played out already - i wish i had finished college the first time. how it is now - just find the energy to do literally anything at all

31) Are You Listening To Right Now: suit and tie by jt

32) Gets On Your Nerves: people who constantly have to be making noise in one way or another, like as a nervous tic, because it does the opposite for me

33) Talked To A Person Named Tom: ... i mean probably, at some point?

34) Is Your Most Visited Website: tumblr, plurk, dreamwidth, youtube

35) Elementary School: it’s been torn down, my dude, it has ceased to be

36) High School: merritt secondary school

37) College: TRU (twice), kwantlen

38) Hair Color: dark ash brown

39) Long/Short Hair: oh god, kind of grown out short?? i need a haircut so tragically

40) Crush: UGH GOD I’M SO ABOUT JPITTS NOW HELP ME

41) Do You Like About Yourself: i guess my ability to see things from perspectives other than my own, or at least consider them?

42) Piercings: ears twice, labret once, all grown over now

43) Blood Type: A-

44) Nickname: maddie is my nickname, really, very few people diminutize it more than that, it’s short for madeline

45) Relationship Status: single and not gonna mingle

46) Zodiac: not only sagittarius, but triple (sun, moon, rising) sagittarius

47) Pronouns: she/her

48) Favorite Show: the last show i saw that really knocked me flat on my ass was stranger things, but i’m always swinging between them too often to have a solid fave. i am deep in hbo war, tho

49) Tattoos: i have six! two on my back, one on my chest, two on my left arm, one on my right

50) Left/Right Handed: right

FIRST

51) Surgery: tonsils when i was 4 or so

52) Piercing: ears, age 12

53) Best Friend: oh jeez, i think his name was nicky...

54) Sport: tee ball

55) Vacation: birch bay, washington state

56) Pair Of Shoes: oh my goodness, i have noooo idea

RIGHT NOW

57) Eating: nothing

58) Drinking: water

59) I Am About To: uuuuuugh i have no idea, maybe nap

60) Listening To: now i’m on dive by ed sheeran, it’s my fav off the new album so far

61) Waiting For: tags, hopefully

62) Want To See: moonlight, so badly

63) Want To Get Married: groans loudly and slides off the couch like tina belcher

64) Career: keeps sliding and groaning

WHICH IS BETTER

65) Hugs/Kisses: hugs are more multipurpose, but kisses are rarer which makes them a kind of treasure

66) Lips/Eyes: that depends, tbh, on whether i’m admiring someone physically or getting to know them on a more mental/emotional level. but if i like someone’s lips, they’ll be incredibly distracting at all times

67) Taller/Shorter: these are all situational...

68) Younger/Older: for friends and other roles in my life, p much irrelevant as long as we get along! romantically, either is fine so long as it’s not such a wide difference that it creates an uncomfortable power dynamic, or just renders us unable to relate to one another

69) Romantic/Spontaneous: OH MY GOD NOT SPONTANEOUS, never ever ever, my anxiety does not take surprises well

70) Nice Arms/Nice Stomach: assuming a “nice stomach” is meant to be washboard abs or smth, definitely arms bc i like a soft, cozy stomach tbh

71) Sensitive/Loud: i’m not really sure what dichotomy this is supposed to present... i don’t think how loud someone is says anything about how sensitive they are

72) Hookup/Relationship: i’ve never been able to hook up, personally, because i don’t have the self-confidence to hop into bed with a stranger. that takes heavy amounts of trust and mutual respect for me. but if that’s how someone does it, i make zero assumptions about them based on that

73) Troublemaker/Hesitant: i think being a troublemaker or mischievous or whatever can be code for straight up not giving a shit about the feelings of others, or even going after them on purpose. if it’s good-natured, though, it’s all good, and i’m so crazy hesitant that i could use someone with that influence

HAVE YOU EVER

74) Kissed A Stranger: no

75) Drank Hard Liquor: yep

76) Lost Glasses/Contact Lenses: lost? no, but broken for sure

77) Turned Someone Down: yes i have

78) Canoodling On A First Date: lmfao HOW DO WE DEFINE CANOODLING HERE... maybe...

79) Broken Someone’s Heart: not on purpose, and not even thoughtlessly, but i’ve had to do things for myself that have hurt people very deeply

80) Had Your Own Heart Broken: oh yeah, absolutely

81) Been Arrested: no

82) Cried When Someone Died: yeah

83) Fallen For A Friend: almost exclusively when it comes to irl crushes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

84) Yourself: oh my god, do i try

85) Miracles: in some senses

86) Santa Claus: well, he’s a mythological figure of sorts, it’s a different sort of belief

87) Kisses On A First Date: they do, in fact, exist!

88) Angels: i believe in presences remaining with a person after death, because i’ve felt them myself, but i don’t know what form i’d call them

89) Love At First Sight: love is an ongoing process, or as massive attack’s teardrop says - love is a verb, love is a doing word

OTHER

90) Best Friend’s Name: laura

91) Eye Color: hazel

92) Favorite Movie: hard core logo

[weebonthe-edge]

Life update; Not personal

Ok whatever the FUCK is trying to screw me over I’m gonna beat. So in like December i wanted to start working out again and i knew if i waited until the new year started i would find some excuse to not do it. So I’m like “ok when i get home from school imma get physical yeah!!!!” And i was like excited bc i was gonna start off slow and pick it up as i improved. Well i get home and I’m feeling like shit. I’m coughing and my nose is all stuffy and I’m a little feverish. So I’m like ok guess I’ll sleep this off and try again tomorrow. So i wake up I’m feeling great. I know that today I’ll be able to do it. I get home and the same shit happens again! This goes on until winter break. Well i really really really hate showing effort to other people. Like i don’t mind practicing and like working at something to get better but i can’t stand the idea of other people knowing about my work toward improvement. Like it makes me sick to the point of physical nausea when people talk about “how proud they are of me that I’m working so hard” like i hate it. So i wasn’t able to do hardly anything during those two weeks. We come back for like 3 days(Friday Monday and tuesday) and i work out those days but THEN THE UNTHINKANLE HAPPens. We get a fucking snow week. Not a snow day a snow WEEK. An entire ten consecutive days off of school starting the Friday before mlk day. Throughout all of this i was fine throughout the daytime but around 5pm i had this really bad cough that would set in and like it just felt like extreme sinus drainage that was irritating my throat and when i would breathe to a certain lung capacity (a little over halfway) it would sound like a freaking Geiger Counter(and like the old ones from fallout idk what newer ones sound like). Anyways that only happened after the sun went down so i decided to exercise as soon as i got home and i was finally able to work out for a solid week (except Tuesday where i waited too long to start and 5:34 hit and i had to stop with only 38 mins in) the next week i decide to work out in the mornings and that goes BEAUTIFULLY i lost like 5 lbs and felt so good. Then Monday came and it was great! Then... Tuesday came. I woke up feeling like shit. I woke up coughing and all that but i wasn’t actually coughing anything up even though it felt kind i should be. I could barely breathe a little bit without the inner crackly sound in my lungs trigger another coughing fit. I go to school but i feel like super hot for a while then i get really cold switching every couple hours and I’m coughing a ton and the crackle is worse than usual so I’m like “ok I’m not going to school tomorrow”. So here we are Valentine’s Day: i was already kinda planning on skipping anyways bc I don’t exactly WANT to want to kms so i tell my mom and she’s like “yeah you’ve been better but now you sound a bad again i was gonna wait until Friday if you didn’t say anythig “ and we went to the walk in clinic. I got some face masks (friccin love those things) and they gave me this vape medicine treatment thing where i vaped for like 10 mins then we waited for the x rays and they were like “pretty sure u got pneumonia ok here’s ya stuff” and we went home. So now it’s the day after valentines and I’m feeling a lot better. I didn’t go to school today or yesterday. The cough is consistent and improving and my lungs don’t sound much like a Geiger counter unless i fill my lungs to Full Capacity. I don’t really wanna go tomorrow just to make sure but at the same time i could probably be fine. We don’t have school Monday. There’s been too many school shootings and close calls lately so they wanna review all the procedures and stuff to make sure they’re actuallyy gonna keep us safe enough if there’s a school shooting.

So yeah. I’m gonna start back working out on Tuesday morning and i swear if i catch the goddamn flu I’m gonna be so pissed! Like I’m pretty much gonna lose all the progress I’ve made in the past week and a half bc of how sedintary i have to be for recovery and it’s just like asaighhhhhhhhh!!! Anyways that’s what’s been going on in my life. How bout yours? At least one of y’all should message me or like send me and ask (on or off anon idc) or somethinggg bc imma be bored out of my mind. I can’t touch anything except the fridge and my phone so as not to spread germs and i mean there’s only so many apps to refresh!!!!

[shytiff]

Feb 2021 Wins

1 - osce study with clara almira, tryout 9 fkui, tryout review with clar, study sesh with clara that finished at about 10 pm. watched some youtube vids together til 11:15 pm. no longer sleepy, so i made my cv and finished it at about 3 in the morning lmao, bcs i saw this interning opportunity and i was like “damn i should make my cv”

2 - woke up at 7 am, didnt shower lmao, off to kiara for vaccination. Waited for a bit and i finally got it. ate mamdaging pesto rice with beef at kamkan w/ ren ness ara akisyah. talked at studied osce a bit. waited for mom to pick me up. until when do i need someone else to pick me up. i feel helpless and i hate that i cant just ride my motorbike because its too tiring. went back and dad got mad at me bcs i didnt greet him when leaving and entering the house. I truly didnt see him when i entered even though i heard sumn lmao. He said sumn along the lines of "you can always leave if u dont like me" (which is lowkey appealing). I cried bcs i felt sad and annoyed with our terrible emotional parent-daughter relationship. Hold the tears for a bit to study with clara. Darkened the room and slept still in my going-out clothes. I did not shower today lmao,,,,

3 - woke up at 10 am. Tryout and review w clara. Psych coaching. Psych practice with irun. Called lau and dajen bcs hes leving to medan. Randomly checked my email and my intern submission, which i emailed yesterday, that turns out the doctor replied at 8pm yesterday asking for interview today 11 am. And i saw it @ 6 pm. Aka super late. The stupidest thing ive ever done in FKUI. No cap. :( i panicked and it gave me a reason to talk with dad (asking how to reply) so i guess its a form of effort to banish the awkwardness between us. Studied w clara. I hope the doctor can forgive me. Its one loose end after the other lately.

4 - went to starbucks with atikah. got treated matcha latte yayy. cicil osce. called clara to learn imunisasi. went to kaleyo w atikah clara, ate bebek muda cabe ijo yumm. talked abt a lot of things in a span of 1-2 hours. we’re all pragmatist lmaoo. 

5 - osce briefing, DV osce practice w irun, watched run bts again lmaoo since knowing my osce schedule is thursday. read buku osce biru. 

6 - slept and lazed around til 1 pm. went to flavola since the construction was so noisy. osce simulation with UKMPPD Wibu. turns out flavola’s siomay is very fulfilling.

7 - todays construction noise escape is jco. Bought jcool double with almonds and chocolate crunchy. A bit of psych practice w aisyah. After maghrib practiced neuro w irun

8 - had no mood to study in the morning. Went to flavola, kopsusss coklat as usual. Reviewed osce materials (theres some tea about what might come out). Reviewed again at home (even tho i procrastinated from 6-9pm). Asked my bro for some ovo bcs i bought a mini keyboard in tokped lmaoooooo so random

9 - went to merra (ara and nessa’s place) but mom drove dad to the airport first. stome osce study, group consolidation for osce, tried mad bagel (the garlic cream cheese and tuna salad). the bagel was quite dense and fulfilling. the garlic cream cheese is quite heavy. arrived at home by 9 pm, went straight to sleep

10 - omg dr eva contacted me again :”) and i got the chance to be ecmocard research assistant. osce study. line call with ara. matcha latte. studied in juan’s room bcs it was so noisy. the keyboard i ordered arrived lolll cant wait to try. i dont know if its the anxiety or fear but i cant sleep and forced myself to sleep 11pm-ish

11 - osce. Went early to learn sumn more w ara tri. Osce (i forgot opv for the 5 mo old baby in peds station 😭 there was dr yogi omg) prayed zuhur and ashar in merra while waiting for pick up (i rly wish i could just bring my own vehicle but motorbike is rly tiring). Finally tried the mini keyboard, with earphones on. Practiced the song aku bukan untukmu by rossa lmao bu sihar taught us that in 33. I felt rly excited and not sleepy afterwards (that "normal" feeling with nothing looming). Its been a while since i tried something new, voluntarily. I guess its kind of what i felt when i tried the korean duolingo. That lasted for a couple months. Lets see how this keyboard thingy goes

12 - finally finished reviewing to oneshot (took ages lmao). Lazed around

13 - inten ukmppd w ness ren ara @ merraaa always. Went through 5 pdfs. Tried fastfit chicken burger and sweet potato fries. Quite fulfilling. Went back home and straight to bed (didnt eat anymore)

14 - started my day late as usual on weekdays lmaoo. flavola kopsus coklat as usual at my usual seat facing the window. did padi final tryout, score: 69. booty call with fianti, did mindset tryout, got 76,5.

15 - lazed tilll i start my day as usual @ 11-ish. Reviewed to padi final answers. Wow it sure took some damn time. My attention span is rly horrible when im alone in my room

16 - second dose of vaccine today. the rain was POURING. mom and emir waited in mcd. read half of aipki citation. 

17 - finished aipki citation, read CBT 2020 batch I and 2019 batch III questions. read a fantastic slow burn dramione fic. reviewed the last to solid.

18 - accompanied clara for swab antigen near airport train station (we came with motorbike since clara’s car was used). got called over by the police bcs we were in the car-only road lmaooo. went over optima tryout 2021. 

19 - cicil ukmppd at flavola with the usual menu, read some more afterwards

20 - ended up going to tamel bcs the flood in tb simatupang toll. Stayed w nessa and henny. Ate garlic carbonara spaghetti by bittersweet najla. Quite good for the price. Went over mediko questions with nessa and first session citation. Atikah sent some krispy kreme donuts 🥺🥺

21 - woke up at 4 bcs henny and nessa already did. Ate cold kanayam for bfast. Did ukmppd. I flagged quite a lot of questions huaa. I hope i can pass, aamiin. Went to tamel to get stuff (nebeng oca uye), climbed jembor to get to akis et al. Went to aeon (super crowded tffff), followed by ikea (parked at decathlon). Ate at both places (shared portion w kris lmaoo we get full quick). Aeon sushi and ikea meatball. So fulll. Went out of ikea to be briefed by dr Debby (ecmocard) and put my stuff to mom's car. Went in ikea again. And finally we went back. such a good sleep yall

22 - relaxed and i mean RELAXXXED. woke up and slept again. showered to prepare to go to harkit for intern briefing. i was late (thanks daan mogot road) and had to grabbike from untar. put on some sheet mask (natrep rose) bcs im realizing i need to fix my face and look decent for this new environment lmaoo.

23 - left home at 7 am, went through highway (i aint repeating daan mogot tragedy again). walked a bit backwards bcs the hightway exit was infront of dharmais. super slow progress on entering medical datas. took half a day to get one. and another half for the other. ate marugame udon, somay, chicken katsu and otak otak. we finished after maghrib and im writing this while waiting for mom

24 -  tried salted egg dori rice from salt inc. its quite salty and eneg inducing (a bit more than eatlah), but for the price (19k after cashback) i wont complain. Went back home before maghrib but there was still some medical record stuff i did in my room.

25 - magang as usual. Tried chicken egg salad from salad hut. Bought ice french hazelnut coffee from lawson coz i just cant take it anymore (the slump and sleepyness). I feel like the moment that sugary beverage enters my system i rise like a freshly watered plant. First meeting with dr eva and the others

26 - felt so tired even in the morning. Its 9 am and im already ordering janjiw coffee (with hazelnut and milo, quite sweet. Like a mix of kopiko and milo). Slow progress today i dunno why. Lunch is nayam rica2 and egg for 21k. Went back home by tj and mom picked me at gajah 2

27 - i hate to say this but bcs for 5 days now ive been fighting sleeping instincts, i snap out of sleepiness easier in the morning. Nasi uduk for brekkie. Moved some stuff up bcs the noise, played keyboard. Learned the (difficult) chords to tyler's see you again and im feeling satisfied. Went to racheel's place. Got fed chicken noodle. And then off to silvi's with devi also. Got fed chicken rice and dimsum. Thanks to friends im eating superwell today🥺

28 - relaxed at home. Skipped breakfast bcs i fell asleep and ate heartily in the afternoon. Evening run w racheel at citra 6

[shytiff]

Small Nov Wins

1 - cant bring myself to study, got out of bed 10:30-ish am. While lazing around i read royal servant and do random internet stuff and watched romee's vlogs. Ate breakfast and i somehow has no appetite?? This is rare. e, cicil kompre began at 15:30 pm (i know, i waste my time a lot). Pengumuman wahana mpi wow yay kalideres makara and budi asih

2 - the weather was pleasantly cloudy. poli anestesi anak, simul. went to what used to be calais, its called flavola now. at this point i quite need some calories because i only ate bubur ayam and its like 2-3 pm ish. Eventually the hunger is gone, arrived home at about 4-ish, drank protein to curb my hunger (nanggung dinner). dad said sumn that annoyed me so after maghrib i just lazed in bed, not feeling like doing anything (even though there’s lots of exams and hw lmao), fell asleep

3 - woke up at 2 am, prated, randomly searched for angel - chancellor and taeyeon’s lyrics and i basically wept at 4 am. i assumed the song was just like,,, a guy talking to a girl, his angel, you know. EXCEPT,,,,,,,,. the 2 MVs was also rly222 beautiful 🥺. Poli geriatri today, didnt even see patient because there was no more at that time (status salin nadia). ate ichiban salad (surprisingly quite good) at dm bcs i rly do be functioning better outdoors, made matcha latte with full cream milk ((powder)), cicil PT

4 - can finally wake up late. finished 1 sitasi pt, made ikk ppt, bujing lina called about diarrhea and nausea meds, laddered the leader for tomorrow’s exam and it,, was,,, me,, group call with shiko. frantically studied for EA

5 - PT (finished in 45 mins), simul as a leader, with STEMI, VF and hypoglycemia case. somehow made it through. i suck at dosages omggg. PP by car with mom (not rly that tired) but i SLEPT after i got home and had no mood to study helpppp

6 - did my first swab test today. i pushed the doctors hand when she’s doing oropharyngeal swab im sorryyyy 😂. slept. matcha. cicil kompre

7 - still havent finished ikk (deadline: today), and still havent studied for geri and ikk AND i still managed to take a nap. why. Read a bit of kompre. Not sleepy after matcha, but insted i reread bj alex and tsubaki chou lonely planet until 2 am the next day #rippriorities

8 - im having matcha latte seven days in a row as of today :))))) woke up at 10:30 am, went to flavola with atikah and got strawberry yakult (tasted like es mony), arrived home at abt 7-ish am and there no dinner, so i drank protein and ate japota honey butter. My breakfast was chicken porridge, so my diet is sooo liquid today. Rip proper nutrition (ate buryam, lumpia, japota for the whole day and drank 3 beverage). Cicil kompre and studied geri

9 - suma geri, slept, cicil kompre, ny head kind of hurts

10 - my head still hurts, suma ikk with dr herqu and dr retno, didnt take swab result by car because the TRAFFIC in soetta so my brother took it. Thankfully negative.

11 - lulus kompre alhamdulillah, the examiner were Prof Saptawati and dr. Dani from THT. Dr dani still remembered me :"") they were very kind. Went to tamel for first wahana: klinik makara UI. Picked up masker first at mahmudas place, and then went to depok. On the way i was interviewed by maba 2020 wtf im so old. Cleaned up my room with the fam, printed sumn in barel (its quite empty there)

12 - first day at klinik makara ui. i WALKED. such wow. fixed my shoes in kutek. had breakfast in barel and bahari for lunch-dinner. somehow i felt very drained. bought Dapur Alya (nutella and regal) and 2 salads from Salad Point since there was 11.11 promo. Put all of them in the fridge. Read Fools and its sooo good omg

13 - had salad and left over bahari rice for brekkie. went to clinic by grabbike :)))), had my first teleconsultation experience today, a chemical trauma case. suma ea with the help of shiko

14 - woke up at 5:20 ish and i jogged a bit at ui lmaoo. fisip - ft - fisip. By 6:30 im already back at my room. 1 hour can be spent a lot of different ways, it turns out. Washed my clothes. Ate monstercheese pizza. Slept a bit. Went to blok m with ara (she was late as always, surprised her with koi milk tea), ate futago ya (greasy cheesy milky goodness, enak tapi eneg afterwards), bought red bean bread at la mouette, bought discounted onigiri bento box at papaya. We went to m bloc space, looked around, ate gelato at kebunide (blueberry: yum, fresh, kiiinda feels artificial, salted caramel: delicious but makes me thirsty) and did photobox at connectoon. Walked to mrt asean but turns out!! for weekends mrt is closed at 8pm. Took grabbike to sudirman, seeing the pretty city and people just hanging out, playing skateboards on the wide sidewalks.

15 - planned to go jogging with salemba frens but i woke up late (06:45), so i just lazed around. Ate onigiri bento (super worth it for 25k for the proteins), fell asleep again 10ish to 14:30 lmaoo. The doms from yesterday was present even on the right side of my lower back 🙂 the red bean bread made me feel full, and the red bean was not too sweet, which i love. Reviewed some meshwork materials i missed. Fianti called and we talked abt her and hari

16 - had mujigae for sahur and fish bite for iftar. The fish was not as soft as fish streat, but the flour was definitely better and crunchy. But it doesnt have the seasoning micin like fish streat do. The pasta was quite a lot im in food coma afterwards. Fell asleep, and my stomach was so gassy that i woke up in the middle with a headache that does not play around. Fortunately it dissapeared in the morning

17 - breakfast is rice kimchi and abon lmaoo just pretend it makes sense. The scrubs i ordered finally arrived. I fell asleep AGAIN, WHYYYY. Lost my streak in DL, i guess i can stop using it for now.

18 - finished reading blood link, girlll i thought the human died at the end. Did not buy food today wow. Took a nap and cicil kompre.

19 - brekkie at barel. Helped measuring antropometry today at clinic, and also measured my own. The fucked up thing was that i THOUGHT my body fat is still at 28% compared to the past (dr rina's research). So i looked at the old paper AND. I USED TO HAVE. 35% FAT 🙂 even my memories are in denial and are fooling me. All this time i thought i was at 28 🙂 did swab at rsui. The one swabbing was from fkui 2012 and we had small talk. It hurted more than lmk :( now this does feel like drowning in water (cause before i said "nah its not like water in nose"). Took angkot back to tamel, bought piscok lumer pocin and its soooo gooood ugh

20 - i feel like if i have breakfast with leftover rice and abon and sozzis i get hungry faster lmaoo. Ordered ken karaage from kukusan, yaa okela for 25k with ongkir. Did online posbindu education through wa. BTS BE COMEBACK 🥺 i maximized my wifi time (no wifi at tamel) so i listened to the whole album. My mobile data is at 200MB lol. Read a good longreads from the atlantic, about down synd and genetic screening. The writing is so so good im just blown away. And teary eyed.

21 - ran a bit, solid class (gastro, rheum, infection), embryo, webinar about sleep by dr Gita Anindyajati, SpKJ, bought ayam geprek gold chick (lotsss of oil since i ordered tempe, jamur, egg, bought pop cookies. matcha cheese was actually better than i expected (the combination somehow fits), dark chocolate and marshmallow is very chocolatey like mom’s brownies, and vegan strawberry cookie with a hint of mint. i wonder how they replace the egg. I wonder why after i run i dont feel hungry for a moment. bloating just gooes away

22 - joined kris' healthy weekly event (lmao) in tamsur. They went to epiwalk first. Its difficult for me to run w mask, ngl. Went back to tamel, embryo, ate leftover meal from gold and chick, felt somehow drained to the bone so i just laid in bed and lazed and lazed. Theres no soreness, but the weakness was generalized lmao. Ordered bbq chicken almond salad from salad point, it was actually quite fulfilling and delishhh (added chili sauce to the dressing). Literally laid in bed from 7 until i fell asleep and woke up at 6 the next day. Finished readin shame application lmao

23 - i still feel tired ckckck. No doms, but i feel like i just want to lay down. got DV patient today at clinic, its most likely derm numularis??? Ate salad and dark choco marshmallow cookies in the evening and that cookie. Is so damn sweet im just thinking about the increase in my blood sugar. And i like sweets so!!! Never thought id find sumn too sweet. Washed my clothes and cicil ukmppd (i put things about studying ukmppd in habitica now)

24 - ate tanoshi sushi and ufo ramen for bfast, ate the sushi again for lunch and after waking up from my sleep i tried kokku ramen (so so, but the egg yolk's good)

25 - bfast: superbubur, protein shake and cookies. (did not make me feel full long enough). Ordered burger from EATG (so so, burger bener is better) for lunch. Last day at makara ui. Ara arrived coz shes staying here in tamel. Waiting for mom to arrive from cibubur, she arrived at about 20:30. I passed out at home

26 - first day in pkm kalideres, i volunteered to be pj to avoid RSUD. my room is a mess, i feel tired after i go back. maybe its the physical withdrawal (?) because i dont walk like when im on klinik makara. came to pkm thinking i wont do anything (orientation only) but the 6 of us ended up going. i was at igd. i saw nail extraction and injected ats for another patient 

27 - talked for almost an hour with the doctor at poli lansia. went home, felt sooo tired, i slept and actually showered after maghrib. originally planned to go to sbux but i was just tired af. my mood was horrible at home. 

28 - turns out i started my period today. i havent studied at all during pkm kalideres era. embryo. slept again. read some manga by nishin something with the psychological and BL genre. 

29 - embryo. cut my hair, showered, and felt better. fell asleep on dr gita's lecture. Drank cimory banana milk with a bit of matcha powder. I dont know if its the sleep, or a bit of caffeine, but my mood feels better and im more awake. Cicil ukmppd with a slow pace. Read itasaku ff. Slept at about 2 am

30 - surprisingly, i dont feel sleepy when i wake up. poli anak today, surprisingly i got perinatology case (jaundice). presented it on pleno. for bfast i ate 3 slice of bread (2 with meat and cheese, 1 choco and cheese) and protein shake, lunch: a slice of choco cheese bread and a banana, fell asleep, dinner: 1 bakwan, a banana and nextar. i can feel that the calories i got today is even less than what i usually got (and usually i already try to limit calories that i am counting the intake amout and made sure im not too far from my bmr lmaoo (~1100)