16b1tz-blog

[marbirds]

I've almost filled the journal I started in February!

[randomprojectedkat]

i just felt a cool breeze guys and it felt like how the gentle wind beckons through the leaves as autumn colors fall

[belovedapollo]

journals, more journals and more ✍🏼 reblog ok, don’t repost

[cemeteryknives]

[wreckrinho]

I have a journal and I thought "huh??....collages are cool. Why not try making one?"

my first collage ever lol. I took a look at what I want my vibes to be like in 2025

Do yall want to see more pages from my journal???

[dorkydiaz]

thinking about how despite being unemployed and feeling rather lost and extremely 25 most of the time, right now i’m sitting on my couch with tea and cookies, with a snoopy fuzzy blanket covering my lap, my cat content beside me, a candle on my end table, and reading fanfic, and not even three years ago i could’ve never imagined life would be like this. it isn’t the life i imagined then, but it is still good and somewhat gentle.

[animatronicdoozer]

I just finished watching follow that bird and I love Sesame Street even more now

[dhaaruni]

Late night journaling

[starmothpress]

Art journal tag with important message

Get quiet

Trust your gut

[sleepy-shutin]

i've been agonizing for a long time over whether or not i should tell my girlfriend that i have DID. we've been together for a small handful of months, but she doesn't seem particularly experienced with severe and complex mental illnesses. she thinks she's crazy for having anxiety for talking on the phone, meanwhile my main social outlet is going to work and i prefer it that way because i have a diminished desire/capacity for relationships with other people, and i can barely have my nephew give me a hug around my upper leg without jumping and wanting him off of me because he's touching me in a place that triggers me. i can hardly be touched in many places because of that.

half the time i don't feel attached to her at all, and the other half of the time i do, but i don't really remember it.

she's just not familiar with severe, complex and stigmatized illnesses, and if her roommates think she's a nut because she has obvious PTSD (she is aware of this) then they're going to think i'm even crazier. she's probably going to be accepting, but i don't know in what way she's going to be accepting about it.

the way she's said the word 'plural' a few times here and there has me suspecting that she may already know about this sort of thing, but due to that preconceived notion, i don't know how exactly she's going to react if/when i decide to tell her that i have DID. i don't want to be treated like 30+ separate people in one body, but if that's all she knows then that's all she knows, and i'll have to spend a lot of time un-doing that damage to tell her that not every plural/multiple/whatever preferred term person wants to be treated that way.

there's not necessarily anything wrong with wanting to be treated this way, i just don't want to be, and i'm sick of it being treated like the default way to treat plurals/multiples/systems/etc. i just don't want her to feel like she can only date one alter or thinks that getting into a relationship with a multiple means she has to suddenly be polyamorous or whatever when that is very far from how i view my multiplicity personally.

i just don't know how she's going to react.

i would say that's the biggest and only reason keeping me from telling her but frankly an even bigger reason is just plain shame. for being traumatized, for being mentally ill, for having been abused in unspeakable ways as a child.

i use that word, unspeakable, for very particular reasons. because i can't talk about it. it feels as if the shame or a manifestation of it is physically keeping me from talking about it. it makes me feel awful in ways i can barely even begin describing in words. it's just the kind of shame that only comes with having this experience.

she was sexually assaulted as a child, so i'm partially sure that she would feel a similar way, but knowing i'm not alone in an experience doesn't make it any easier, any less shameful, it doesn't make me feel any better about it. maybe it's related to my diminished desire for social interaction or relationships or whatever, but someone experiencing the same thing i have has never made me feel better, it doesn't show me how to deal with something.

i just, i don't know. i want to tell her but more than pretty much anything else, shame stops me.

[marbirds]

october part ll, plus some bonus pages

[randomprojectedkat]

me and who

[translaytonblr]

seeing as im probably not ever gonna draw this what do we all think of desmond meeting flora and he experiences Horrors because she coincidentally looks super similar to his dead daughter. i drew thumbnails for a comic of this a whiiiiiiile ago but never finished it so. throwing this out there

[cemeteryknives]

i miss ray. where is he. i would like to see him

[ghoul-haunted]

plutarch, lucullus / a life in pieces, plutarch, crassus 12.1-16.8, james t chlup / roman republican theatre, gesine manuwald

alright. so--

[dorkydiaz]

my mom sending me baby pictures is a double edged sword because on one hand omg look at me i was so cute. and on the other it’s just a feeling of like. deep anger— i would go to war for that kid to not have to grow up the way they did.