#soccer arse

[chicoespecial2022]

Dale Pearson, No.11 Dunston UTS Football Club, v hot footballer man butt and he knows it 👌🔥🔥🔥

[service4marriedmen]

Me: "So you told him then?"

Right: "Yeah."

Me: "And what does he want?"

Right: "What you do think he wants?"

The football lads always want a rim and release and that was fine by me.

Licking out the lads and letting them use my mouth to love liquor into nothing I've not done before.

(his buddy's gonna owe him after this)

[dumbbitchgalore]

John Price is the type of hold your hand no matter what you both are doing. It brings him comfort and gives him prove of your existance.

He'd hold your hand as you both walk through the farmer's markets on Saturday, watching the various stalls with their prodcuts on display. He'll pick up your favourite flowers, and stop at a stall for some coffee and scones all while holding onto your hand.

You're both watching the soccer on the sofa while you rest on top of him, your head on his chest. John will lazily fiddle with your fingers before interwining his fingers with yours.

Taking a bath together as John subconciously traces the contours of your body but at the end finds his way to your hand to hold it.

Cafe dates are a weekly thing when he is not on deployment. You'll both be sitting at a table sipping your drinks with your accompanying meal. You'll be talking, gushing over whatever piqued your interest that week while John continues to hold your hand, rubbing his calloused thumb over your knuckles as he smiles earnestly while giving you his full attention.

He'll also hold your hand when he comes home drunk from the pub and needs to take a shit. He'll shit on the toilet and hold your hand because he's scared a shark with jump out of the toilet bowel and bite his arse. So your job is to hold his hand while he shits and pull him off the toilet when the 'toilet shark' does attack.

[hlficlibrary]

HL Fic Library 🤣 Fics With Humor

Remember to leave kudos and a comment on the fics you enjoyed to show your appreciation! You can find the library's other recs here.

🤣 Just Me, You, And This Box of Matches by tomlinsunshine @tornlinsunshine​ (M, 87k)

Louis is fairly sure that his new neighbour is going to destroy him. And also their apartment building, and the dumpsters outside, and all the forests within a thirty mile radius. But. Mostly him.

🤣 Harry Styles Cooks… by sunsetmog / @magicalrocketships​ (E, 61k+, wip)

In which Louis Tomlinson can’t cook, there’s a very special shower curtain, and Harry Styles used to be a baker.

Or: Louis owns all of Harry Styles’ cookbooks, and he never intends to cook a single thing out of any of them.

🤣 Frankincense-ational by LadyLondonderry / @londonfoginacup (T, 31k)

Harry Styles works at the Hillsyde Library with his friend Zayn and best mate Niall. It’s December, which means Christmas, which should be the happiest month of the year…

Except Niall just broke up with his boyfriend, Zayn needs to let up on the rules a little, and the library is getting their fire alarm system replaced, which means that for the next few weeks there are going to be firemen patrolling the library ‘looking for fires’ while the system is down.

Harry almost hits one of them with his car right off the bat - and of course he’s the hot one.

🤣 the butthole series by @kingsofeverything (E, 24k)

a series of standalone fics with a central theme

🤣 That's How I Know by @allwaswell16 (E, 19k)

Louis Tomlinson has just landed his dream job, coaching soccer at Augustus University. When he moves into a new house near campus, he meets his very fit new neighbor, English professor Harry Styles. Although their first meeting leads to an instant mutual dislike, the more Harry gets to know Louis, the more he likes what he sees.

Or the one where Harry’s African grey parrot spills his dirty secrets to his very hot neighbor.

🤣 Man, Deconstructed by jacaranda_bloom / @jacaranda-bloom (E, 13k)

Harry doesn’t need help getting laid and he certainly doesn’t need Niall to hire a professional to ‘sort him out’.

But when a gorgeous man turns up on his doorstep on his birthday to ‘lay some pipe’ in the back garden (who just happens to have the best arse Harry’s ever seen), his world is upended.

OR the one where a well-meaning best mate, a sculpture-worthy arse, and a heaping dose of misunderstanding combine to create sheer and utter chaos, and also, maybe, the best thing Harry’s ever found.

🤣 One Vote Can Rock the Boat by @2tiedships2 (M, 12k)

“Niall, I need you to come and vote with me tomorrow.”

“Lou, I know we’ve only been friends for about two years now, but I guess I’ve never explicitly told you I’m Irish?”

“You don’t have to vote, exactly,” Louis explained. “But I don’t want to go to a sex toy shop by myself.”

“Have I just entered an alternate universe? In what world does voting for the government correlate in any way to sex toys?”

Or the one where Omega Louis shows off his “I voted” sticker as one of the first 100 customers to get a free vibrator. The beautiful alpha behind the counter informs him that he’s customer 101.

🤣 autopilot by silkbombs (M, 11k)

Louis accidentally sends an unknown number a video of him giving a cockroach a funeral. The weirdest love story ensues.

🤣 Umbrielievable by nikogda / @cyphermedley (NR, 11k)

Three months ago they began to pick up a weak signal. They couldn’t decipher it and figured it was just a satellite they were picking up. Eventually, they were able to translate "Give us cheese" but the rest was still a mess. That message baffled them, and they immediately thought it may be a joke from another country.

Or, The one where Harry is an Alien from Uranus' moon, Umbriel whose inhabitants require cheese to survive.

🤣 Just Your Jinx by @larryatendoftheday (T, 10k)

Harry Styles may or may not have accidentally jinxed his extremely fit new neighbor, and it's not so easy to make things right.

🤣 For a day by bluegreenish / @greenblueish (T, 9k)

“While I appreciate that compliment - you’re right -, it’s not a prank. I swear. I tried calling Harry and Liam, but they aren’t picking up. And like, I don’t know what to do? I just woke up in Liam’s freaking body, and like, he’s a nice lad and everything, but I don’t want to be him?!”

Once again, tense silence fills the line for a second and Louis almost expects Zayn to hang up on him, but his friend speaks up again, voice urgent this time. 

“You’re serious?”

“One hundred percent. I swear.”

or, the one where Harry wakes up in Louis' body, Louis in Liam's, Liam in Niall's, Niall in Harry's and no one picked Zayn.

🤣 Only Been Here One Time by alienharry (NR, 9k)

“Good morning, Liam. Harry.” Louis nods at them both and then cocks his head. “Are you aware you have four nipples, Harry?”

Harry looks down at his chest, suddenly worried. He doesn’t know how many nipples humans have, but four must not be a usual amount. “Should I have six?”

“Not unless you’ve a litter of kittens to feed.”

The Alien!Harry fic I was destined to write 

🤣 Ain’t My Fault by @afirethatcannotdie (E, 7k)

“Liam, M4M is for sex! You posted in a sex forum about your missing jacket.”

“It is not for sex!”

“It is. Trust me.”

“Well, if it helps me find my jacket then I don’t really see why it matters. Besides, someone already texted me about it. This Styles guy’s coming over in a bit to get it.”

“You invited the avocado man to come get his jacket at our flat after posting on a sex forum. Do you see where this is going?”

“I really don’t.” 

“Someone is going to have to have sex with the avocado man!” Louis screeches, and Liam covers his ears.

AU. Liam posts an ad on the wrong section of Craigslist, Louis is pretty sure they’re gonna get murdered as a result, and Harry’s missing an avocado.

🤣 Porn To Be Wild by @fallinglikethis (E, 5k)

As Louis Tomlinson writes his One Direction fanfiction in a quiet, isolated corner of the local library, the last thing he expects is for the subject of his story to interrupt him in the middle of a sex scene. But that’s exactly what happens.

🤣 Absolute Beginners by @taggiecb (T, 5k)

Louis would like to think that Niall can't surprise him anymore. He never knows what his friend will come up with sometimes. But when he calls Louis in the middle of the night and asks him to come and hit on his friend, Louis can't help but let curiosity get the best of him.

🤣 Only Reason by @letsjustsee (NR, 5k)

“We are so lucky to have with us one of the leading experts on beekeeping in the modern age, Dr. Louis Draper.”No. No, no, no… “I know I speak for many of us when I say that this man’s books have guided our practice, or helped us get started,” Harry continued, and Louis watched as the crowd nodded their heads in agreement. Oh shit. No. What? No. But then Harry was gesturing towards him, saying “Dr. Draper?” into the microphone, the crowd was applauding, and Louis found himself walking up the stairs to the stage.

Or, Louis is most definitely smitten with Harry from the second he sees him, but he is also most definitely not the world's foremost expert on beekeeping. He decides to roll with it anyway.

🤣 Catastrophe (Or Not) by grapenight (G, 5k)

Based on the prompt: "Harry's a crazy cat person and Louis is the vet he keeps bringing his cats to with minor concerns like "she's been acting weird lately" and "he didn't poop today so I'm worried" but it's really just excuses to keep seeing Louis everyday"

🤣 Anywhere With You by sweetums / @darlou (T, 3k)

“Do you want some gum?” Louis’ lovely voice interrupts his train of thoughts.

“No, thank you.” Harry responds quickly.

What? ‘No, thank you’? What was he thinking? If Louis Tomlinson offers you gum, you take it. If Louis Tomlinson offers you a vial of vomit, you take it.

“On second thought, gum would be perfection.” Harry actually considers just dying right there as he reaches over to pry the piece of gum out of Louis’ perfect little hand, eyes flitting over to the other man’s amused face.

Why did he say that? He could’ve said, ‘I’ll have some gum’ or ‘gum would be great’ or even a simple ‘thanks’ but no, no, for Harry, ‘gum would be perfection’.

He loathes himself.

AU where Harry gets stuck in an ATM vestibule with Louis Tomlinson during a blackout. Inspired by Chandler and Jill Goodacre from Friends.

🤣 Oh Honey, Honey by @lululawrence (NR, 3k)

Louis hated honey. He didn’t like the flavour, he didn’t understand why some liked it in their tea, he hated when it was put on sandwiches or cake or anything really. But, standing stock still in front of a rather large display of honey in that 24-hour Tesco, Louis found himself grabbing the largest jar of “100% pure London-local honey” and adding it to his trolley, simply because he knew it would make Harry smile.

Louis always wanted to make Harry smile.

Or the one where Louis pines after Harry, Harry is passionate about helping save the bees, and a late night shopping trip gone wrong doesn't end quite as horribly as Louis imagines.

🤣 On the Go by @phdmama (T, 2k)

Prompt: ok so i saw a truck today and i thought it said MANSCAPE but it actually said MAINSCAPE and it was a landscaping company. but then i thought LARRY AU. where louis owns a landscaping company called MANSCAPE and harry thinks it’s some sort of in-home pubic hair grooming company, so he calls to make an appointment, there’s some discussion of whether he wants his bushes trimmed as well, and then when it’s time for the appointment, harry’s like half-naked waiting around in a robe or something and louis shows up with lawnmowers. 

🤣 Zoey by wabadabadaba / @bigxrig (G, 2k)

Harry knew his first name, but he liked the way Dr. Tomlinson sounded more. Harry watched as Louis unclasped her harness and set it aside and pet her back and under her chin. Louis kissed the top of her head and murmured sweet nothings to her- mostly about how pretty she is and how well behaved she is. Harry wished it was him.

or Harry has a huge crush on his cat's veterinarian and finally decides to do something about it.

🤣 Stole My Heart by @haztobegood (NR, 2k)

“Oh my god, Niall.” The door slams shut as Harry rushes into the flat. He’s still panting from his rush to get away from the scene of his crime. “You won’t believe what just happened!”

Niall is sitting on the couch in their tiny living room. He looks up from his laptop. “What happened?”

“The worst thing. I’ll never recover. I just reached into a box of free samples outside that new chicken restaurant. Only it wasn’t free samples. It was a man. Holding a box of chicken nuggets. His chicken nuggets. I stole this man’s food, Niall!”

[octuscle]

CHAVTF - Smart casual

Michael and Charles were sent shopping. The dress code for the dinner was explicitly "sporty-casual". Just like for the boat tour yesterday evening. Their understanding of casual was a summery three-piece suit with an open shirt. The colleagues with whom they were teambuilding understood it to mean jeans and a T-shirt.

If their boss hadn't insisted that the two of them wear something else, they would have come in a suit again tonight. So after the last group meeting, the two had to run off and find something to wear. Both agreed that jeans and a T-shirt were not their style and that they would only need the clothes for this one evening. So spending too much money seemed unnecessary. Google showed a store near their hotel called CHAVTF with good reviews. That's where the two headed. The first impression was immediately repulsive. The store attendant was wearing army pants with combat boots and a worn-out tank top. But the two didn't have time to look for anything else. They now had to buy something for tonight in fifteen minutes.

Oi mates, the clerk greeted them. Are ya lookin' for somethin' in particular? Michael said they were going on a pub tour today and needed something suitable.

"Sure, mates! Me fuckin' name is like jack. Trust me, us'll find just the reel thin'. Dee ya also go to normal pubs? Or are ya strictly gay on the road?"

Michael said he wasn't sure. But probably mostly gay.

"Cool, that'll get ya undressed, i'll brin' ya somethin'."

Michael gave Charles a kiss and a slap on his butt and the two stripped in the open locker room.

Jack asked if they preferred jockstraps or boxers. "Jockstrap," Michael replied. "Fuckin' nothin'" replied Charles. Jack laughed, tossed them both some soccer socks and handed Michael a jockstrap.

"Cool haircuts ya got ther, mates. Is like the rest of ya 'ody anarl shorn as ya neck?" Michael laughed, holding his arms behind his head and showing off the bush under his armpits. "Nit canny, mate" Jack laughed again and came up with a pair of leather jeans for Charles and a pair of bleached jeans for Michael.

"Ya guys train hard for ya 'odies, or is like workin' on the docks enough to get a 'ody like that?"

"Nah, mate! just haulin' loads ain't enough. It takes regular 'oxin' trainin' to get an arse n' a six pack like that"

"Sure, i get it! all that 'eer in the evenin' needs to be worked off too, after all."

Mike and Chuck stroked each other's board-hard washboard bellies and French-kissed deeply.

"Hey, the place isn't closed yet. Ne way sex while i still havta work!"

Chuck grabbed Jack's crotch and told him to lock the door quickly then. He wouldn't be able to hold back much longer.

Jack tossed them both T-shirts, locked the door, and returned with a pair of DocMartens for Mike and a pair of combat boots for Chuck. And while the two of them got down on their knees to lace up the shoes, Jack got his dick out of his pants. Mike and Chuck promptly responded and began sucking Jack's balls.

"Hehehe, this like isn't the first time ya two hav done this like, huh? Dee ya guys always work together as hustlers? Or 'an ya be 'ooked separately?"

"Sure ya 'an get us separately" replied chuck. "But the other one watches n' jerks off" Mike added n' started suckin' jack's cock.

"Fuck, ya guys are mint! Why are ya still workin' on the docks anyway. As hustlers ya must be earnin' yourselves silly."

"Mate, us're just gay too. Just 'an't handle money. What us earn, us drink or gamble away."

And Mike added that cigarettes are not free. Whether he would get at least one for the blowjob.

Mike and Chuck were satisfied. Jack was always generous when they needed new clothes. And as a rule, he also found them good customers. In the hotel diagonally across the street there was such a nerd event. Some of the snobby guys would surely spend dough for a night with the two of them.

[lundenloves]

Dad!Simon who stands with his feet a length apart arms crossed when watching soccer. He mutter curses under his breath when the team he’s rooting for messes up and he throws his hands in the air in frustration when they loose. His girls wet two-worded responses from him when he’s watching the game. Middle child needs help with homework? Ask mum. Eldest needs him to drive her to a concert? Ask mum. Youngest wants to play? Ask mum.

THIS. FUCK. i’m screaming clawing at the walls, this man is so fucking dad whether he likes it or not. every single thing they ask, he’s just not for it and not even in a bad way he just can’t ever be arsed. the fucking glare he’ll give them completely unaware he’s even doing it. “What.” with a devastating scowl, and they’ll literally have asked the time or whether he can drive them to their friends.

all comes down to “oh he’s just like that” whenever the kids’ friends come round

[sgiandubh]

And Bayern Muenchen didn’t share his visit on their instagram account. 🙈

It was all about their match today.

Dear Bayern Muenchen Anon,

Why would they?

He was invited by Audi, the sponsor whom he graciously thanked in his post.

Is there anything else to discuss about this, except the idiotic football/soccer cackling on the usual Tumblrettes' outlets?

Damned if he does, damned if he doesn't. And by the look of it, luminaries who can't be arsed to properly place Bulgaria on a map call the guy 'a dork'.

And I am sure you can get a better use for your Saturday afternoon/evening/whatever as well, than scouring Instagram in search of forced connections.

[luxurychristmaspudding]

wip wednesday

howdy, folks!

i'm back in the land of the living (see: phone signal and internet) having been away in the arse end of the peak district. i've got lots to catch up on and a thing to post, but wip wednesday is here!

thank you for the tags @almostfoxglove @ace-turned-confused @sixhours and @magpiepills. once again, i'm very excited to pick up what you're putting down.

rough ol bit of futureproof below the cut:

“We worked very hard,” you say, head lolling against your shoulder to look at him, “Too hard, really. But, you know. When you’re chasing that dream, you’ll do anything to see it happen. I mean, we missed weddings, birthdays, a couple of funerals. And everyone’s telling you they’re proud, that it’s unbelievable that you’re playing all over the world. But it’s difficult. Difficult to not feel like you’re the worst person in the world when you’re watching them blow out the candles over Facetime, or when your Grandma’s in the hospital and you’re not holding her hand.”

There’s a pause as you bite at your cheek, eyes far away over the city skyline, glittering in the dark. The sound of the water rippling in the pool behind you, distant traffic, the breeze through the huge palm in the corner of the garden. Your eyes find Joel’s again, narrowed, perceptive.

“Does that make sense?”

There’s a churning in his gut, a guilt that makes him drag his gaze from yours to his hands. He never missed a birthday, never missed a funeral. Made it to Tommy and Maria’s wedding, held his Mom through chemo. But there was more he missed. Ballet recitals, debates, soccer matches. Phone calls from parking lots as Sarah ran him through the scores, as Ellie described her latest piece of art or what she’d learned in her guitar lesson that day. It’s something he tries not to think about, lest it drag him under and begin to drown him. He should have been there more, should have been a better Dad - but he’d been like you. Finding that stability, carving out the home, the money they needed. Selfish to chase dreams, perhaps, if it hadn’t been for his brown-eyed girl back home, stars in her eyes as he recounted his day, and later, his other daughter, needling him with questions about what happened on set.

Chunks of time, days, weeks, that were missing. Memories and chances he can’t get back. The high of the life that you’re living, and the low of the one you are not. Photographs you are missing from, stories you’ll only ever hear about.

“Yeah,” he says, softly, “It does.”

a chonky boy.

np (full pressure, actually) tags for: @schnarfer @jolapeno @sawymredfox @eupheme @tonysopranosrobe and anyone else who wants to share!

[chicoespecial2022]

Hartley Wintney FC

Isthmian Football League

[kaaaaaaarf]

fic recs!!!!!!!!!! fic recs!!!!!

my unashamedly smutty fic rec is one i forget the name of where i think it’s 7th year watford and simon walks in on baz with a dildo up his arse and then (blushes for an eternity, obviously and then) asks baz to show him about it and it escalates and by the end they’re in love 😍

hahah why hello there anon!!! What an entrance. Welcome to the blog.

You know, I think I have read that fic!! I also can't remember the name of it but 🥵

For you and all the people I have co-opted into reading these books, I will list some of my favourite Snowbaz fics...this is by no means a complete list, but I think about these all the time and have the epubs saved.

Restoration Ecology by @captain-aralias - this is a post-Carry On canon divergent fic and it is EVERYTHING. [Simon has never forgiven Baz for ruining his life at the start of eighth year. He’d hoped never to see Baz again. Ever. But when Baz applies for a position on the Coven, it’s impossible not to hire him. So – now, they’re working together. And as much as Simon wants to continue hating Baz, the dead spots between them are starting to heal …]

This Will All Go Down In Flames by @facewithoutheart - BAND AU! BAND AU! After the fall of the Watford Goats, the two stars get back together to re-record their last album, but they haven't spoken in 10 years...takes place in Austin, TX. I love it. I think about it twice a week.

The Mirrors That Hold Us by @artsyunderstudy - My favourite Simon Snow fic. Honestly anything that Ashton writes is fucking amazing, but this one is Carry On divergent and broke my heart and then put it back together. They are also writing Someone Wicked at the moment and it is SO GOOD. Recommend everything they do.

Rebel Rebel by BasicBathsheba - The rebelverse series is everything to me. It tells the story of what happened in the early years at Watford and then is canon divergent. Sequel Golden Years is just as amazing. For Marauders fans, it's sort of like the ATYD of the Simon Snow series. Sort of.

Hang The Moon by @captain-aralias - Arranged marriage! There is also a sequel. [when the Old Families offer the Mage a deal that will put an end to their conflict, he accepts. Simon hates everything about the deal. (And his life. And he definitely hates Baz.) He’s only going along with his part in it because he’s the Mage’s Heir and he has to. There definitely aren’t any other reasons.]

network connectivity problems by BasicBathsheba - TEXTING FIC! Simon texts a number he thinks is IT. It is not.

Local Hero by BasicBathsheba & breadofgod - football (soccer) au! Baz is a world famous footy star, Simon runs the fan pub in his home town and is his biggest fan. Baz is suddenly back in town, trying to keep a low profile. Enemies (sort of) to Lovers. READ IT.

We Still Bloom by @artsyunderstudy - I couldn't post this list without including this absolutely perfect Hanahaki disease fic!! The art for this is absolutely stunning (as is all the art for Ashton's fics).

Slings and Eros by palmimpressed - This is a WIP but it's so good. It's a loose interpretation of the Eros and Psyche myth.

Unintended by @captain-aralias - Fake relationship trope! They are just best friends pretending to be engaged and are definitely not in love with each other....

Four Funereal Weddings and An American Stag Do by @captain-aralias - AWTWB au. Simon walks out in chapter 10 and doesn't come back. Nine months later, Baz sees him at a wedding. Another one that breaks my heart and puts it together again.

Large Black Coffee by BasicBathsheba - Coffee shop au. Every day Baz comes in to get coffee, and every day he finds a new insult on his cup.

Let My Love Open The Door by tbazzsnow - This is a quarantine fic, but please don't let that deter you. It's so lovely. Baz is a teacher stuck at home, Simon is the delivery driver from the local pub he orders from. They become friends and then some, all through the door of Baz's house.

Paperback Writer by BasicBathsheba - Publishing au! If you haven't figured it out yet, this author never misses. Baz is a junior editor, Simon is an author. [Sir Scone is the bane of Baz’s life. Trite children’s fantasy with a golden hero and ferocious dragons and intrepid princesses. They’re wildly popular, and Baz hates editing them almost as much as he hates the man who writes them: Simon Salisbury, Mage’s pet project author, and also maybe, possibly, the most handsome man Baz has ever met.]

Bite Me by TheWeatherBee - [When Simon’s magic makes a spell out of “bite me” during a fight, Baz finds he can’t eat anything until he’s bitten Simon. Which he won’t do. No matter how much Simon wants him to.] Hot.

5 Days, 5 Nights, All-Inclusive by RooBadly - [Simon Snow (29, single, and working for the Coven) finds himself press-ganged into covering for the usual guide on the Coven's yearly tour of magickal Britain. All he has to do is read from the cards and make sure the same number of mages gets back on the coach as got off. Doable. Until he sees the guest list. And then it's time to sow some chaos.]

This Must Be The Place by BasicBathsheba - This one made me cry, what of it. [Simon is stuck in juvenile care over the summer. He's lonely, disillusioned, and desperate to talk to Penny. But when he makes a Snapchat to try to contact her, he ends up talking to the most unlikely person.]

[treason-and-plot]

Fifteen minutes later Harry is still fully clothed and still hoovering lines of white powder into his nostrils. He and his mates bought an ounce before the ink was even dry on his contract, he tells Crystal. His mother told him (jokingly) not to spend his newfound wealth on cocaine and hookers, so he decided to do exactly that. Not all of it, of course, but a decent sized chunk. You only live once, right? He leans back in his chair and sighs and closes his eyes and tells her that they’re all going clubbing later, after another mate drops round with some white llamas. Does Crystal want to join them?

“I’m working, Sweetiepie,” Crystal says. ”I’ve got another booking straight after this one. Otherwise I’d love to.”

“Aww, that sucks,” says Harry. “I bet you’re a really great dancer.”

“I think you probably are too,” says Crystal. “Soccer players have to be pretty light and fast on their feet, don’t they?”

“Hey, I know! Let’s dance together, right here, right now!” says Harry. He jumps up and grabs the remote and finds a music channel on the TV. “Aw, yeah! This is a fucking great song. You like this song?”

“Sure,” says Crystal. They dance together for twenty minutes. Crystal is enjoying herself; Harry is a good dancer, and apart from squeezing her arse several times is the perfect gentleman.

“We haven’t got much time left, Babycakes,” she says finally, as they slow dance to John Legend. “Is there anything else you want to do before I go?”  

“Yeah! Some more coke!" he says eagerly.

[arieysworld]

a short gay story because i wish i was a boy (pt1)

It was the first day of soccer tryouts, and Noah was already regretting signing up. He liked soccer well enough, but the thought of messing up in front of a dozen strangers made his stomach churn. He hurried into the locker room, scanning for an empty spot to dump his stuff.

That’s when he saw him—a boy sitting on the bench, lacing up his cleats. His dark curls were messy in a way that looked deliberate, and his jersey hung loosely, the number 7 printed boldly on the back. He looked up as Noah passed, flashing a lopsided grin.

“You’re new, right?” the boy asked.

“Yeah,” Noah replied, feeling his cheeks heat. He hadn’t expected to be noticed so quickly.

“I’m Liam,” the boy said, tying the last knot in his cleats. “What position do you play?”

“Uh, defense,” Noah mumbled, fiddling with the zipper on his bag.

“Cool. I’m midfield. Guess I’ll be counting on you to save my arse when I lose the ball,” Liam said with a wink.

Noah laughed nervously, unsure how to respond. Before he could say anything else, the coach’s whistle echoed through the locker room, and the boys started heading out to the field.

During tryouts, Noah couldn’t help but notice Liam—he was fast, confident, and seemed to know everyone. But he wasn’t arrogant. Every time Noah made a good pass or blocked a shot, Liam would give him a quick thumbs-up or a “Nice one!” It made Noah feel like he belonged, even if he didn’t totally believe it yet.

After practice, Noah returned to the locker room, exhausted but proud. As he rummaged through his bag, he noticed something off—it wasn’t his bag. It was similar, sure, but this one had a keychain of a tiny soccer ball attached to the zipper.

“Hey, uh, Liam?” Noah called, holding up the bag.

Liam turned from his locker, holding Noah’s actual bag. “Oops. Guess we’re bag twins.”

“Guess so,” Noah said, smiling as they swapped.

Liam hesitated before speaking again. “You were good out there today. You don’t play like a newbie.”

“Thanks,” Noah said, his face flushing again. “You were…really good, too.”

“Thanks.” Liam paused, then added with a grin, “You know, we should practice together sometime. I mean, if you want. I could use someone to kick the ball around with after school.”

Noah’s heart did a little flip. “Yeah. That’d be cool.”

From that day on, they started meeting at the park after school, practicing drills and kicking the ball back and forth for hours. Slowly, their conversations shifted from soccer to music, to school, to everything else that mattered to them.

One afternoon, as they sat on the grass catching their breath, Liam nudged Noah with his shoulder. “You know,” he said casually, “you’re kind of my favorite part of soccer now.”

Noah’s breath caught, but when he looked over, Liam was smiling, his eyes full of something soft and unspoken.

“Same,” Noah said, his voice quiet but sure.

And that was the start of something neither of them had been looking for, but both of them were glad to find.

[gods-chosen-emperor]

if you HAD to dress up for halloween, what would you be :3

nothing related to soccer you boring arse

shut up.

... I find halloween incredibly childish. I wouldn't dress up at all.

but if i had to i'd pick a wolf.

[kendrixtermina]

They've done it: I just cannot help but HATE Israel

Like, not all the people of course, not the babies, but the culture, the concept, the institutions, the Zionist entity, the ethnostate - I hate it and I want it blotted out from the world. If it became a normal country it wouldn't be called Israel anymore, cause that privileges a single religious/ethnic group, right?

So yes. I fucking hate Israel. I hate it like I would hate the evil fascist version of any country but i hate it more vibrantly because I lived through it, if only as an observer.

It's terrible enough with all the other pictures, cause we see a snapshot of someone's life, enough to imagine that there was, or is, a rest of a life.

But it hits especially hard with the social media peeps cause you saw the progression, you saw them deteriorating, their faces getting thinner, their will breaking.

Bisan's latest post did a bit of a number on me.

I've been forced to watch what used to be a brave idealistic woman be whittled down like melting wax.

How can they just do people like that? Who gives them the right? Why is this universe so badly designed that there is't some fundamental physics stopping them from that?

How can they just decide to fucing do people like that, just because they can?

I mean, realistically this sort of suffering has happened many times in history & even happens in the current world & it's wars there just aren't always cameras.

But damn. How does this fucker Netanyahu & all the fuckers in the Knesset just get to decide to do people like that? How do all the fuckers in our government get to decide they'd rather run damage control for their rogue clown in the name of their geopolitical interests?

How can they fucking do people like that?

Not just Bisan, all of them. The preemies. The "My dearies?!" guy and his four children. Baby Yumna & her mom. Pretty Yussuf. The 13 year old girl who loved poetry. The person with the Korean Boyband picture in their bombed out room. The 15 year old who wanted to be a soccer player. The three little siblings looking for their mom.

How does some megalomaniac arse just get to do them like that??

Our time will be remembered as a dark & backwards age. A very dark & backwards age. We'll be lucky if we live to see the light at the end of the tunnel as shrivelled old prunes.

already im noticing how theres much less pictures due to the communication blackout

i want to bring ben gurion and weissman and all the founders of zionism back from the dead so they can die again in a giant meatgrinder

[destruxxon]

Desperate Housewives || Accepting @novaragno asked " "Sometimes  evil  drives  a  minivan." for hobie if that's okay. patrolling "

He glances behind him at her through his peripheries. Quickly turning back out to the street below, mostly keeping his head on a swivel just in case anything goes on that his spider-sense doesn't pick up.

But the night has been boring (other than one or two purse snatches that were solved within minutes), quiet, a waste of precious time he could be spending doing anything else. He had some performances (ie. taking over a hoity-toity high society event for the rich, elite, and corrupt with a much more interesting entertainment), leftovers, and setting up Mile's PS5 cause despite being more accustomed to the tech, couldn't for the life of him figure up how to get the wires to work. What was that fancy ass school even teaching him.

So, excuse him, if he decides to dick around a little and make this night somewhat enjoyable. "Depends on your definition of evil, personally, I think all minivan drivers are evil to their core."

He steps off of the ledge he was perched on, creasing his boots to hell, and saunters over to her. "Minivans are petrol guzzlin' fiends, shit fuel efficiency, shit carbon footprint, and worst of all they're ugly as sin. You'd have to be sick to drive one of those things, but soccer mums ain't what we're usually lookin' to take care of. And they're a pain in the arse to deal with anyways."

[user-needs-new-hyperfixation]

Do you think Sherlock and William are masochist, sadists, or neither?

I think they like to play rough, but emphasis very much on the play, and never anything extreme. So no, not really. I mean I always always write Sherlock liking his hair pulled, so I guess that's a little bit masochistic. But definitely on like the mildest possible end of it. I think they're basically like WASP soccer mom kinky lmao. They tie each other up, someone half-heartedly smacks an arse and considers himself very creative for doing it, they leave hickies and pull hair a little and think it's all very novel. 😂