#sobbing over nishitani

[3fingersbreak]

different circumstances

"we met with a reason to beat on each other. how you gonna go and improve on that?"

[fekoff]

You know how Oda, Nishitani, and Akiyama look similar? That’s fine and all, but imagine trapping them in a sitcom situation where they’re forced to live together. In one episode, Oda is like “I’m inviting a bad bitch (Tachibana) over. Be on your BEST behavior,” and Akiyama and Nishitani are like “ok.”

By the time Tachibana arrives, Akiyama is cooking a gourmet dinner (peanut butter and onion sandwiches with Monster energy drink) with the sewer critters he befriended last week Snow White style while Nishitani is snorting 20 grams of pure coke booty buck naked on the living room table. Tachibana turns to see Oda sobbing. The episode ends with a lovely dinner.

[mewgagotoku]

Watching Nishitani’s fight to focus, Majima shook him hard. “Eyes on me,” he tried to command through gritted teeth, but the words came out as begging, a strange, desperate sound ringing through his voice. Palms close to black with Nishitani’s lifeblood, he held his hand tight as if letting go would mean losing him forever. This wasn’t right. This wasn’t fair. Even Sagawa surely could not be this cruel, surely. Even after everything he’d been through, Majima couldn’t believe it. Nothing hurt like this, not losing his oath brother to his own conceit, not a year in the hole, not even having his eye sliced from his skull. Nishitani’s crime? To love him. Nothing more and nothing less. What was wrong with that? Sagawa had all but led him here. He had made lambs of both of them, and bred into Majima the slaughtering ground on which they now lay helpless.

But I did... I do love you.

Even now, Majima couldn’t get the words past his teeth. They seemed trite, petty. Too little too late. Nishitani knew. He knew. He had to know. “Shut up,” Majima whispered, breath hitching in his throat as if telling him not to speak like that would change the inevitable. His face stung with tears, chest gasping for air that meant nothing when every breath was just another he couldn’t trade to Nishitani for a minute longer with him. He pressed into his lover’s touch just as he had all these nights of wonder and sin, but this time his hands were cold, flayed skin wet with the spilling of his strength.

Don’t be what they made you.

Majima felt as if a blade had been plunged into his chest. He was already what they had made of him, and here was the proof, even as he denied it. “I’m what you made me,” and somehow that thing was as gentle as it was wild - both the light which powered the city, and a storm’s destructive surge.

Then, while he fought for something more to say, that tender touch to his face slipped away. The grip on his hand drifted. What little support Nishitani had been able to give to the weight of his own head ebbed from him, leaving him suddenly heavy. “Nishitani. Nishitani!” Cold seized the length of Majima’s spine, repeating his name over and over to no avail. No smart answers. No crooked smirk. No little wink, the promise of mischief.

Eyes burning, throat crackling with unintelligible sound, Majima wrapped his body over Nishitani’s, clutching at him, shaking him, begging him to open his eyes, to speak, to breathe. Soaked in his lover’s blood, he felt the sobs finally spill over, lungs gasping at dry air he no longer wanted.

Nishitani was gone.

mewgagotoku

Majima hadn’t noticed at first, but he was shaking as he clutched his hand to Nishitani’s broken face. He thought- he didn’t know what he thought, what he had thought, who he’d even been before today. “It’s not, it’s…” Bowed over, he clutched at Nishitani’s head, at clumped knots of his hair where it had been wrenched from his scalp to leave behind wet patches of skinless gore.

“N-no, no…” He tried to shout when Nishitani’s body convulsed with motion, but his voice had left him, the words choked. “Don’t move, I’ve got you.” There was so much blood. Last night was but an appetiser. He fumbled for Nishitani’s hand, his arm, anything, to hold him - hold him back, hold him down, hold him here. “I’m not goin’ nowhere. Look at me, stay with me.” He turned Nishitani’s head, looking into the mess of slices and bruises they’d made of him, forcing himself to see beneath them into the desperate eyes of the man he loved.

“I’ve only just- they can’t…” He’d sooner they carved out his other eye than this. Majima had never known a love like this. He hadn’t known he wanted a love like this. It was gasoline and fire on water, kerosene to drown in… and yet he’d never told him. Not once. Told him to shut up and knock it off when he came too close, always, always keeping Nishitani at arms length because he loved him so hard it stood to tear them both apart.

But here they were. Torn apart anyway.

God, I can’t lose you. Not now.

Then, strained: “Don’t leave me.”

He was clinging to his consciousness as best he could, but his vision was getting blurrier the longer he fought it. He couldn’t die- not like this. He was finally getting somewhere, he was so close to feeling whole. Fuck Sagawa, fuck the Omi Alliance, he was going to kill them all before he bit it. But those were empty threats now. He could feel Majima’s body heave, the tears streaming down his face and onto Nishitani’s. Nishitani squeezed his hand- hard, like it was the last thing he’d do. “Majima-kun… I know it don’t mean shit now… but I meant what I said the other night.” He coughed- tasting blood in the back of his throat as his lungs tried to fill themselves with air. It hurt, it hurt so much, but his heart hurt more. God damn Sagawa… “But I did… I do love you… I only.. only wish I got to show you more.” With what strength he could muster, he brought his free hand up to Majima’s cheek- his bloodied hand gentle against the soft skin. He could see the pain in Majima’s eyes, the way his face contorted as he tried to stop himself from crying. It might would have been beautiful, if not for the circumstances, but fate was cruel like that. “Don’t.. be what they made you… ya hear?” Give ‘em hell kid. Do it for me, if no one else, is what he wanted to say, but his time was up. With his voice below even a whisper, Nishitani spoke his last words; almost like a prayer for a deity that wasn’t going to help him- wasn’t going to hear them here.  And then his hand fell, the pressure from his other one ceased. He was gone- the overdose finally kicking in. Sagawa had won.