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bloodyknucklesforme · 9 months ago

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Some smut as proof of life

"Just like that...oh yeah...fuck me Neen...oh fuck...fuck." Johnny babbled away as he rolled her hips for her. There was sound of skin smacking against skin and her high pitched moans that punctuated every thrust of his. He kissed her chest, neck and face between every mewl of his.

Nina held his shoulders for support as she rode him. She liked when he talked like this, when he fucked her like this. It was messing and uncoordinated. She relished in the feeling of being full, the heat of his skin and rough patches of his palms. She didn't even mind he'd neglected her clit since the moment she sank down on his cock. His cheek rubbed against her's, trying to share scents. He'd make it up to her after he had his fill, spend hours with his face between her thighs. He slapped her ass and she clenched around him.

"You're mine. mineminemine," he whined. He licked up the valley between her breasts, sloppily, teeth catching against the skin. "If heaven doesn't feel like this I don't want to go."

"Pussy drunk already?" Kyle asked, laying a kiss between her shoulder blades. She leaned back against him, a kiss shared over the shoulder. He knelt down between Johnny's legs behind her. "You'd think he'd been lost at sea for a year. Had to listen to him fuck his fist every night, moaning your name."

She felt hot from her stomach to her cheeks. Kyle gave a kitten lick behind her ear.

"He wasn't the only one, though." His cock pressed against her ass. He rested his chin on her shoulder. "Don't wear her out too much, Johnny."

He was barely paying attention, his eyes drifted down to watch his cock disappear inside of her. He groaned loudly as he guided her flush against him.

"Can I come inside ya?" He begged. "Please Neen?"

He always asked, even when her legs were locked tight around him. It was endearing. He would ask Kyle too, when he wasn't begging to be filled himself. An arm snaked around her waist and pinched her clit between two fingers as she yelped.

"Can he Neen?" Kyle smirked against her shoulder. "I want to fuck it back into you."

His chest against her back, pushing her forward till she was sandwiched between them. Johnny begging, Kyle playing with her clit as she moaned.

"Please," She whimpered. Kyle slide two fingers into her mouth, hooking the side of her mouth as she drooled. Johnny's open mouth trapped them there.

The two of them could pull such intense orgasams out of her that she almost fought against it. Two mouths, four hands, one cock inside her and the other pressed against her back, waiting for its turn. slick dripped down her thighs while drool covered her chin.

"Good girl," Kyle cooed. Johnny held her hips firm as he bottomed out, a strangled sound of pleasure caught in his throat as he came. One of them was stroking her hair as Kyle continued to rub her clit, Johnny fucking through his own orgasm. "Cum for us, Nina."

She whined, it felt like sweet electricity. Almost too much as her body tensed, foot twitching and breath held. Two wet fingers stroked her cheek.

"Such a good girl for us." Johnny kissed her opposite cheek.

There was maneuvering, Johnny laying flat on his back with Nina on his chest.

"What a fucking sight," Kyle groaned, spreading her legs open. Johnn'y spent dribbled out of her and onto his own groin.

"Ready for round two?" Kyle rubbed his cock through her slick. She folded her arms under her head and arched her back, offering herself to him. Johnny was still coming down from his own high, playing lazily with her hair.

Kyle pushed inside of her. She never felt more loved than between them.

#made Johnny a little pathetic but that's when he's at his best #is it good? idk #but I am alive #Kyle x Soap x Nina #idk the tag anymore #johnny/kyle/nina

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bloodyknucklesforme · 14 days ago

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| Masterpost |

All My stuff can be found here 💙

I write for the COD fandom and have a mix of fluff, angst, horror and dark fics. I take suggestions and sometimes requests. Feel free to ask my questions about any of my stuff.

AO3

Kofi

All my writing

Main Works

Carnal - Cannibal AU

Character/s: Simon 'Ghost' Riley, John 'Soap' MacTavish, Nina (OC), Captain John Price Rating: Explicit Status: In progress, Length: 21 chapters Summary: Simon always thought he was a monster until he met Johnny but he ends up breaking his heart. When they meet Nina, a girl just like them, he realizes he doesn't have to be alone. CW: sexual assault, child abuse, gore, cannibalism, smut, check each chapter for details

Guest Check - Restaurant AU

Character/s: Nina (OC), Kyle 'Gaz' Garrick, Captain John Price, Simon 'Ghost' Riley, Rating: Mature/Explicit Status: In progress Summary: Still dealing with the grief of her family's death, Nina finds out a secret about her mum that turns her life into disarray as she struggles to accept it.

Johnny & Nina

Character/s: Nina (OC), John 'Soap' Mactavish, guest apperances by 141 Rating: Mature/Explicit Status: On going/ working on re-write of Don't Blame Me Summary: Story of Johnny and Nina from how they met to their domestic lives

Red Summer

Character/s: F!Reader, John 'Soap' Mactavish, Simon 'Ghost' Riley Rating: Mature/Explicit Status: In progress Summary: Still dealing with the grief of her family's death, Nina finds out a secret about her mum that turns her life into disarray as she struggles to accept it. Part 1 Part 2 (Masterpost in progress)

Characters:

Kyle 'Gaz' Garrick - tag

Christmas Shopping - CBF!Kyle, fluff Base of Operations - fluff

Simon 'Ghost' Riley - tag

Simon x MI6 Agent!Reader

Rating: Mature/Explicit Status: On hiatus/discontinued but anything might happen Summary: After he saves your life on a mission, you find yourself inviting the infamous Ghost back to your bed and into your life. Fics: Burning Desire - smut Thunder pt 1 - smut Thunder pt 2 - smut New Year's Eve - smut Alejandro/Ghost Sandwich Spanking - smut Let Me Take Care of You - fluff Permission - smut Little Things #1 - fluff The Couch - fluff Little Things #2 - fluff Little Things #3 - fluff Cherry Blossom - angst

Others

Tylenol - smut, dark fic Your Favorite Ghost - Stalker!Simon Your Father's Daughter - angst, Dad!Simon Through Half Shut Eyes - Smut I want to kill you - angry F!reader x asshole!Simon

John 'Soap' Mactavish - tag

it's just him & Nina so far, sorry

Captain John Price - tag

Girl Dad - fluff, Dad!Price One For the Road - Third person POV Reader, smut

Nikolai

Pomegranate- dark fic, smut

One Offs

Vampire AU - Ghoap x Reader Dear John Letters for 141

Coming Soon

NDA

Character/s: Popstar! F!Reader, Stalker!Bodyguard!Kyle 'Gaz' Garrick Rating: Mature/Explicit Summary: After your long time bodyguard John Price is injured he recommends Kyle to take his place. As you reach the highest point of your career so far you start to rely on Kyle more and more which is exactly what he wants.

#masterpost #my writing #gaz call of duty #john soap mactavish #simon ghost riley #call of duty #call of duty mw2 #kyle gaz garrick #captain john price

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bloodyknucklesforme · 1 year ago

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Room for More | Soap x Nina

I was randomly inspired so have a really sweet/sorta sad fic

CW: pregnancy, talk about miscarriages

"Can I bum one?" Johnny asked, walking up to Gaz. They'd gotten back to base a couple hours prior. He'd drive back home tomorrow morning.

"Thought you quit?" Gaz still handed him a cigarette and his lighter.

"I did. Don't tell Nina?" Johnny asked, ashamed. Gaz drew an x over his heart. "She wants to keep trying for a baby. I do too but she's had two miscarriages now."

"Nothing you can do to prevent them?" Kyle was the only person he felt like he could talk to about this.

"No," he shook his head. "Decade and a half of malnutrition and no medical care will do that. I don't want to tell her no because she really wants it. I really want it. Maybe I talked it up too much. Wanting a big family."

"There are other options."

"I know. I'm not against it. She said after the first one that she wanted to give me something. I told her that I don't want anything from her. I don't need it. She's insistent."

"She is," Gaz nodded. "She's always been tough. You only have a couple months left before you're out."

"I think we'll hold off trying again till then. If she has another miscarriage I want to be there for her. I wasn't there for the first one and the second one was awful for us." He took a long drag to distract him from the memory. "Felt like it was my fault."

Gaz clapped his back and pulled him into a side hug.

"I don't think it's anyone's fault," He said. "Not either of yours at least."

Nina had decided to keep it a secret, even from herself. She forced herself to forget what the test had said. She told herself it was easier. She would be less upset when it didn't work out and if she didn't lose it would be a pleasant surprise.

She'd done a good job of forgetting.

Johnny was due back later tonight. His missions were taking longer. He'd been gone for over two months. She'd started her usual rituals of cleaning the house and making him shortbread biscuits. He'd pick up dinner on the way. They'd spend the next couple of days decompressing. The weather was getting warmer. She wanted to have a picnic outside.

She'd gotten everything done and took a shower to freshen up. She caught herself in the floor length mirror as she shrugged on her cardigan. Her stomach had a small bump to it. Almost unnoticeable to anyone except her. She stopped and cupped her hands around the bump.

"Hi, there." She spoke softly to her stomach. She'd never gotten this far. She walked up to the mirror and sat cross legged on the floor in front of it. "I'm...I'm sorry I've been ignoring you these past couple weeks. Truth is I'm afraid of you."

"Not really of you but I'm afraid you'll leave. I won't be upset with you if you do. I know it's not the best place to be. I'd like it if you stayed. I won't ignore you anymore. You can keep me company while your dad is away." She felt a little foolish talking to them. And..and if you make it all the way I promise to take care of you. You won't be cold or hungry. Your dad will love you. I'll keep you safe. He'll keep you safe."

"I don't know if you can hear me. You're probably not bigger than an apple or something. I always thought it was weird comparing you to fruit. It just seems so small. You're so small yet you're bigger than your siblings. They couldn't stay very long. I wanted them to. Like I said, I won't be mad at you if you can't. I know it's not your fault. If you can though, it'd be nice."

"Your dad doesn't know yet. He'll be home soon though. You can meet him. He's quite handsome even with his dumb haircut." She laughed. "He's also kind and he's an artist. If you wanted he'd probably paint a mural in your room. Another reason for you to stay. I hope you like the names we've talked about. Elsie Poppy for a girl. Poppy was my mum's name and I'd like to grow a row of them in the box outside your window. You'll have a whole garden to run around in and I'll plant whatever you want."

"I feel like I should stop talking to you. I think if you leave I won't try again. Your dad drew me a flower for the last two times. They're hanging up in the hallway and I think that more than three would look weird..." She wiped her cheek. "This time it'll be a poppy. Would you like that? I didn't get to ask last time. I don't want to guilt you into staying. I know it's not up to you. I love you. I hope you know that. I'll always love you. Your dad loves you even if he doesn't know about you yet. If you can't stay for me, try to stay for him. He's been through a lot. He'd really like to meet you. He has a nephew and I just know he'd be the best dad to you. He wouldn't yell at you or make you feel unwanted or small. He'd teach you how to play football and draw. He would.."

The floor creaked behind her. Nina spun around. Johnny was standing in the doorway. They had matching tears. She reached out her hand and beconed him closer.

"How long have you been here?" She asked, as they wiped each other's tears.

"I like the name Poppy," He smiled, pressing his forehead against hers. She took his hand and laid it across her stomach. He looked down and grinned. "I'm sorry I don't smell better. I'm your dad. I'd also like you stay. You're strong like your mum."

He pulled Nina into his lap and wrapped his arms around her waist, rubbing a hand over her stomach. His chin sat on her shoulder.

"She makes great biscuits and soups. She'll love taking you to the beach. She might not share her plushes but she'll make sure you have so many of your own." Nina laughed. "She might be English but no one's perfect. Except maybe you but that's because you'll be Scottish."

"She'll read to ya every night. And she'll write the most gorgeous poems about ya even if she won't let anyone read em. You'll have a cousin, a grandma, an aunt on my side. On yer mum's side you'll have Grandpa Price."

"He'll hate you for saying that."

"It's true though. Now let me finish." He kissed her cheek. "Uncle Kyle and Uncle Simon. Then there will be your Teehos."

"You're saying that wrong."

"How do you say it then?"

"There's no H. Tío."

"Since when did you speak Spanish?"

"I've been practicing. Rudy and I facetime every other week so I can practice. He says I'm very good."

"Your tío's Alejandro and Rudy. There will be so many people who love you." He rubbed one of Nina's arms. "Can't say it'll be more than us though. So if you can stay we'd love to have ya."

He moved his hand off her stomach to cup her face to turn her towards him.

"Whatever happens, I love you. If you don't want to try again that's okay with me. We can try other things but even if none of that works. I'll be happy just living my life with just you."

"I love you. I'd be happy too." She turned to hug him, wrapping her legs around his waist.

"You been to the doctor yet?" He asked, rubbing his hands up and down her back.

"I've been afraid," she admitted.

"We'll make an appointment tomorrow, yeah?" He kissed her forehead. "How far along do you think you are?"

"Maybe three months," she shrugged. "I wasn't keeping track like I should have."

They had to wait a week but they got the appointment. Everything looked well. Nina was starting on pre natal vitamins among other supplements. They made another appointment in another two weeks for the first ultrasound.

"What if something's wrong?" Nina squeezed his hand as they waited for the tech.

"We'll figure it out. I'm right here. It'll be okay," he kissed the back of her hand, his leg was bouncing up and down despite his attempts to hide his own fears. He held her hand tightly as the tech performed the exam.

"Everything looks good. Fetal development looks well. That's the heartbeat and oh.." He thought Nina might break his hand until the tech turned grinning. She turned the screen around for them to look at. "Listen to that."

"There's two heartbeats. Why would there be two?"Nina looked at Johnny.

"Twins..."

"Congratulations." She pointed towards the screen. "That's baby one and here's baby two. Fraternal twins."

Nina laughed as tears ran down her face.

"Twins? Really? Johnny... we're going to have twins?" He leaned down and kissed her.

"You made a compelling case. They must have been listening."

"Would you like me to print out photos.''

"Yes please!" The last time he saw her so happy was their wedding day just a year prior. She couldn't stop looking at the photos on the drive back.

"Can't believe I got ya pregnant twice," He laughed.

"Oh you owe me for this. Twins are much harder."

"I'm the one who has build two nurseries now. Do you think we get two baby boxes now?"

"I would hope so. We can't fit them in one." She laughed.

"We'll have to tell my mum soon."

"Price too." She looked at the photos again and laughed.

"What is it?"

"I'm really happy. Like really fucking happy."

Johnny reached across the console and squeezed her knee. All the memories from the past couple years with her played over in his head. All the hard times, the hospital stays, the sleepless nights, the panic attacks, the depressive episodes. All he ever wanted was for her to be happy.

"I love you, Nina. I'm happy too."

AN: Forgive any errors in regards to the ultrasound, I've never been pregnant lol.

tag list: @macravishedbymactavish

#soap x nina #john soap mactavish #john soap mactavish x oc

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bloodyknucklesforme · 11 months ago

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When You Get Home | Soap x Nina

Ficmas Day 8 (4 days late)

Johnny always promised he'd come back to her...somehow

not canon to the rest of the Soap x Nina stuff

CW: MWIII spoilers, angst but also a little hurt/comfort

He could see himself.

Lifeless on the ground. Ghost yelled for him but it was too late. Johnny watched as blood pooled around his head. His hands were shaking but they weren't his hands. He didn't think he had a body anymore, it was laying in front of him.

Price and Kyle were yelling as they diffused the bomb. The bomb... they had to stop it. It couldn't... it couldn't be for nothing. They had to live.

He felt strange, it was his first time without a body. Ghost lifted him up and slung him over his shoulder.

"We need to get him out of here." His voice wasn't as strong as it usually was.

"We need to tell her," Kyle said softly. It was like glass shattering as they all paused. Johnny's heart sank somewhere.

Nina. His Nina. How could he forget? She was waiting for him. It was late. She'd be in bed by now, curled up in his spot.

"NoNoNoNoNo." He cried. He knew he was crying but his face stayed dry.

"I'll go." Price said softly. "I'll tell her tonight."

"This'll kill her." Kyle said, holding back a sob. He turned away from the group. She, Kyle and him were best friends. Reinforcements and clean up crews arrived.

He watched them walk back down the tunnel.

There was a door to his right. It hadn't been there before. He recognized it. It was their bedroom door, standing freely in the center of the platform.

He laid a hand on it. He could feel every line of the wood. He opened it with a familiar creek.

"Johnny?" She called. She was sitting up right in bed, the tv was playing softly and providing the only light.

"Hey, Neen." He said. She couldn't hear him. She was staring through him, at a door that opened on its own.

He walked in. It was only hours left of her not knowing. Everything they'd planned, every talk of the future, the ring in his sock drawer - none of it mattered anymore. He broke his promise. He left her alone. She didn't even know it yet.

He knelt down beside her.

"I'm sorry, Neen. I'm so sorry," He pressed his face against the mattress, next to her hand. He needed her to know that he would have given anything to be there for real instead of in a bag. He grabbed for her hand.

She flinched, pulling it to her chest and looking around frightened. She could feel him somehow. He had to be the one, let her know that he came back for her. He didn't leave. He was still there.

He reached and laid a hand on her knee, rubbing circles.

"...Johnny?" Her voice cracked. She was teary eyed. He watched her face change rapidly, figuring out what had happened. He squeezed her knee and she cried out. "No... please no..."

He instinctively went to wipe the tears from her face, cupping her cheeks. It felt like she was looking at him now, where he would be. She laid her own hands on her face, trying to feel him.

"It's not fair." She whimpered. "I need you...you can't be gone. John please. It's a dream. Wake me up. Please."

"I wish I could." He pressed his forehead against hers. Did it feel warm to her? or was it cold like his body? He hoped it was warm, that her last memory of his touch was good. "I love you. I haven't stopped even now. I'll always love ya and I'm sorry I didn't get to give you everything I promised. I was gonna marry ya. I know you'll find the ring eventually. Wish I could have seen it on ya. I know ya can't hear me."

He kissed her, softly and with purpose. He knew he couldn't stay. A tightness was building in his stomach and spreading to his chest. Something was pulling him away. He didn't know what was after his moment, if he'd ever see her again. He kept his lips against hers. If he had to be torn away let it be from her mouth.

"I love you," she sobbed. "I love you."

For a brief moment he could feel her hands on his face and a warmth in his chest.

Then it was nothing, nothing at all.

taglist: @macravishedbymactavish @bossva @queen-ilmaree @pssytrux @sea--biscuit

#ficmas #soap x nina

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bloodyknucklesforme · 1 year ago

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Cleaned Up | Soap x Nina (F!OC)

Soap comes back from training with a new look. His girlfriend isn't entirely impressed.

“Don’t laugh,” John cautioned as he shut the flat door behind him. It was a fun idea at the time. Just a swipe of Ghost’s grease paint, or two swipes, or maybe three. He thought it looked cool, Gaz agreed but Ghost was less than amused and Price just walked away. It was training, nothing serious. He could have fun while training.

“Oh, my god. Your face…” Nina looked at him wide-eyed. Three big swipes of black grease paint across his face, head, and through his hair. “Why?”

“You don’t like it?”

“No…no. It’s uh… cool. Just, why are you still wearing it?” She licked her thumb and tried to wipe it off. It only smudged worse. She frowned in disgust. “You can’t get it off can you?”

The truth was he didn’t know how to get it off, not entirely. He’d tried soap and water and only smeared it everywhere.

“No,” He answered, slightly embarrassed. Nina laughed and hugged him.

“Go strip and meet me in the bathroom. I’ll get you cleaned up.” She ran a hand over his hair only to frown again as more grease paint coated her hand. “Your hair too?”

She wiped her hand across his chest before shooing him off.

He tossed his clothes into what Nina called the “war clothes basket”. He did grab a fresh pair of boxers to slip on before going to the bathroom.

She took him by the shoulders and sat him on the edge of the tub.

“Next time have Kyle spray you down before you get back. Close your eyes,” She said, pumping a bottle into her hand. Her hands were soft and warm as she rubbed some sort of oil into his face. His hands rested on the back of her thighs while she stood between his knees. He looked up at her.

“You’re beautiful.” He gave her a squeeze.

“Keep your eyes closed or it’ll burn.” He closed his eyes again and relaxed as she massaged his face and scalp. It didn’t make him feel more clean but he trusted her. Even training weeks felt like too long to be away from her. He’d stolen one of her shirts this past week and had kept it tucked under his pillow to pull out whenever he missed her which was often. He missed the vanilla smell that seemed to follow her and how soft her skin was and how he knew every mole, mark, line, and scar on her body.

A warm cloth ran over his face. She was gentle with little swipes and circles across his cheeks and eyes.

“I should have done this sooner if this is the treatment I get.” His hands glided upward to just under her shorts.

“Shush,” She murmured, rubbing the cloth over his ear. He wanted to kiss her. He could pull them both into the bathtub right now if he wanted. She’d be pissed he got her dirty but its the bathtub, they’d both clean up well enough. He tried to pull her closer but she stood firm. “Don’t even think about it.”

He chuckled. She knew all his tricks.

“You should be able to get it out of your hair in the shower,” She said, stepping away to rinse the cloth in the sink. He opened his eyes and stood up to wrap his arms around her waist.

“Might still need help, bonnie.” He looked at her through the mirror, smirking at the feigned annoyance on her face. “I’m pretty dirty. I don’t know if I’ll be able to get it all on my own.”

“Go turn the water on,” She laughed, pushing his arms away playfully. He gave her ass a gentle squeeze, grinning at the small yelp she let out.

He fixed the curtain and turned on the water. He waved his hand through, making sure it was hot enough for her. He could hear the sound of her clothes hitting the tile floor behind him.

He sighed as her lips met his shoulder blade.

“Did you really not like it?” He reached an arm around his back to graze his knuckles up and down her side.

“It’s better than the skull mask.”

“Aye, you’re right about that.”

The water was sufficiently hot and he stepped in, holding the curtain open for her to follow. He wasted little time before pulling her into a kiss, letting black-stained water drip over both of them.

S/O to @macravishedbymactavish for motivating me to go through all my Soap x Nina drafts and actually finishing them. I have a lot of cute ones and a couple angsty ones.

#john soap mactavish #john soap mactavish x oc #Soap x Nina

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bloodyknucklesforme · 1 year ago

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Changeling | Soap x Nina

Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe All the hell you gave me? 'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you 'Til my dying day

Nina sees Johnny for the first time after he betrays the 141.

AN: A non canon all hurt no comfort fic because I saw 1 too many posts theorizing that Soap is going to betray the 141 in MWIII. Also it's 1 am and this is not beta read so if there's a sentence or two that seem off lmk pls

Nina sat across the table from him. She had tried to avoid looking at his hands but the clink of the handcuffs kept dragging her attention away. She'd promised herself she wouldn't cry today, she'd spent the past several weeks sobbing into an empty bed with Simon and Kyle on guard rotation. A lot of strings had been pulled to allow her to see him again. He'd be kept in custody until the trial.

Treason…

He'd been a spy for Makarov. He'd admitted it to Price.

Johnny reached for her hand and she flinched. He leaned back in his chair.

"Suppose I deserve that." He sighed. "Thank you for coming, Neen."

"Don't call me that." She hated the way it sounded now, coming from him.

"I know you hate me and I don't blame you. I just...uh...I just want you to know that it was never a lie. Everything that's happened between us. That was real, Nina."

"I don't know if I believe you." She finally looked up at him. His hair had grown out. His lawyer had reportedly advised him to grow out the mohawk to look more respectable. She wanted to scream, she wanted to fight him, launch herself across the table. How could he? Betray Price and Simon and Kyle. Betray her.

"I know..." He took a shaky breath. "I love you and I have always loved you. I will hate myself for the rest of my life for hurting you, Nina. I never should have done this to you knowing how it would all end."

He reached for her again, as far as the cuffs would let him. She let her hand slip between his. She broke her promise to herself and let out a sob. He squeezed her hand.

"You were everything to me. John.. I...I.." He nodded along to her words. "What am I supposed to do?"

She was caught in grief. A carefully constructed life collapsed over night. MI6 agents were at the flat before she knew what was happening. They took everything. Every letter they wrote to each other, every one of their journals and his sketchbooks, all the photos, gifts, books, his clothes. All gone in evidence bags.

Kyle had held her as she cried on the kitchen floor while Simon argued with them about taking her things. She could get some of it back after the trial, not all of it though. Simon almost punched the agent that asked for her engagement ring.

"Take it and I'll break your fucking hand," He growled as Kyle moved in front of her.

She still wore it, just on a chain around her neck where she couldn't see it.

"John, I'm scared." She wanted to still find solace in him, feel his touch and know she was safe. His hands felt cold on hers. "I don't understand. I loved you. I love you. I don't have anything anymore. I can't sleep or eat. I can't even think about us without feeling sick. I just...I want my John back."

"I'm right here, Nina. I'm still here."

"No!" She pulled her hand away and slammed it against the table. "What did I do? What did I do to you? Just tell me. There has to be a reason.

"I was protecting you. I believed in what he said at the time. By the time I realized how wrong I was, I knew he'd hurt you if I didn't follow the plan. You know what he's done for less. He found out about ya and I was his dog."

"Is that your defense at the trial?"

"There isn't going to be a trial, Nina."

"You're pleading guilty."

"Aye, but I'm giving up everything I know. Makarov won't like that. I begged you to meet me because I'm never going to see you again." He reached out his hand for hers again, letting tears fully flow down his cheeks. "I'm going to die in here, Nina. I'm surprised I've made it this long. I just had to see ya. I needed you to know that I loved you. More than anything."

She gave him both her hands, he was shaking as he held them.

"I was selfish for dragging you into this." He leaned his head down to kiss her knuckles. "You can hate me for the rest of your life. It's what I deserve but don't ever think I lied to you about how I felt. I wanted to marry you and take you far away from all this. I wanted to give you everything you ever wanted. I should have just let him tear me apart the day I met you."

Nina leaned over the table and wrapped her arms around him. She pressed her face into his neck. He smelled the same. He was just as warm as all those nights in their bed. She gripped the front of his shirt as he held onto her sweater.

"Don't let go. Please don't let go. Don't let me go." If she closed her eyes and yelled hard enough she'd open them and they'd be at home together. None of this would be real.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry Nina. Fuck... I'm sorry. I love you.IloveyouIloveyou."

The guards were yelling about them not being allowed to touch like this. She yelped as one of them grabbed her around the waist and pulled her back.

"Don't touch her!" Johnny jumped up, his chair flying backwards. "Don't fucking touch her!"

"John!" She sobbed as the other guard began to drag Johnny out. She turned to the guard holding her back. “Please just one more minute. Please! Please!”

She wrenched herself free and ran to him. She cupped his face and kissed him. His lips were still soft. She hated that he couldn’t touch her, couldn’t run his hands through her hair again, couldn’t rub her knee or back. She hated that it had been months since she’d last seen him. Hated that she thought she had all the time in the world so she squandered most of it. The last time they saw each other they talked about baby names. Did he know what he was about to do? Every thought opened her wounds wider until she was bleeding into him. She hated him, hated how he took every liter of love and wasted it, hated how her first thought when Simon told her the truth was “Is he okay”, hated how she still loved him, how she told herself she’d wait for him. Wait forever if she had to. She didn’t know if she could love anyone like she loved him.

More guards were rushing in to pull them apart again.

"You always deserved better than me." He called out as the guards pulled him away and towards the door back to the prison. "I love you, Nina."

A guard held her still until the door closed and locked.

Someone grabbed her again and she flinched away.

“It’s just me,” Kyle said, gently leading her away. They could still hear Johnny yelling about how they’d treated her. “Simon’s pulling the car around.

It all felt so hollow now. The ring she couldn't stop smiling at now felt like a weight dragging her to the bottom of the ocean.

"Can you take me back to the flat?" She asked softly as Kyle helped her into the car.

"You sure?"

"Yeah..."

The bedroom was stripped almost bare. Just some of her things that they couldn't connect to him. She stripped and changed into one of Johnny's few shirts she'd managed to keep ownership of. She climbed into bed and pulled his pillow to her face. The pillow he laid on when they talked about all their futures. She still had so many questions, so much anger.

She laid in bed for three days, playing with the ring around her neck and having her heart break over the lingering smell of him on their sheets.

"Nina..." Simon had a key now.

"He's gone, isn't he?"

"He is. Found him in his cell this morning." The mattress dipped behind her. His hand rested on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, love."

She didn't know if he meant it. She knew he was hurt too. She just felt like she was the only one who still loved him.

He was cremated. No church would let him be buried on their grounds. His mum was a wreck about it. They split the ashes. Nina put the ring in with her half. She didn’t really know what to do with it after that. She’d been pulled and thrown across the world her entire life. Left everything behind before.

She’d never had her entire life fit into a jar before.

Tags: @macravishedbymactavish

#soap x nina #john soap mactavish

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bloodyknucklesforme · 1 year ago

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Soap x Nina - who would she go to for help with well....anything. Like how to deal with interpersonal conflicts, get over a really, really rough day, the silly questions that would inevitably come up that she feels everyone else already knows but her?

I ask because I think Johnny & Price would immediately fly off the handle for most things (because they love her and are overprotective most times).

For small things, Gaz. They text all the time. He also struggles with anxiety in crowded places. He’s also the least over bearing.

He also is the most casual with his explanations. If they’re watching a movie or a tv show and she doesn’t understand something, he’ll lean over and quickly explain it. Soap will pause it and go on a 10+ minute explanation.

Kyle and her also play video games together a lot and honestly make a pretty good team.

She vents to Ghost a lot when he’s around. They have similar trauma and ghost sees her a “what if” in regards to saving his only family. They’re both in this legal limbo because Nina was mostly likely declared dead since she was missing for 15 years. Also dead families.

There’s also the fact that when Price and Soap are gone they ask Ghost to keep an eye on her. It’s not that they don’t trust Kyle, he just won’t creep outside of her flat at night like Ghost will.

Nina catches on pretty quick and he gets a call from her one night inviting him inside for tea because it’s raining and she knows he’s probably cold.

#soap x Nina

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bloodyknucklesforme · 1 year ago

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Soap x Nina wedding? I'm so far in the future from where they are to where I'm asking (but also awww). Or the talk of weddings and he slowly starts planning for it (one day if she'll still have him)

I have 100% thought about this.

He gets her a promise ring. When he's gone for a long time she ends up falling into a rut of "he's going to realize he doesn't love me" and "I'm not good enough for him". He gets her a ring so she remembers that he does love her and wants to marry her. It's a physical reminder that he's always thinking about her. This is the ring. He thought the name was funny "Soap Bubble" and he also likes the pearl in the center because June is their 6-ish month anniversary.

The ring he proposes with uses the stones from their original 'fake' rings when they had to be fake married. It's a gold band with a really simple setting of a diamond in the center flanked by two amethysts (her birthstone).

The proposal is quiet and private. All of the guys knew he was going to propose, and he kept asking for advice despite none of them ever being married or engaged. It was just the two of them. He took them on a weekend trip somewhere most likely the coast. Set up his phone to take pictures. He kicks himself because he forgets to actually get down on one knee before pulling out the ring. He was just too excited.

She manages to say "yes" between crying and laughing.

They have two weddings.

A private ceremony where Price marries them with Simon and Kyle as witnesses. This is almost immediately before their actual wedding and reception. Nina almost has a panic attack and John can hear her crying and can't stay away. She starts crying harder because he wasn't supposed to see her yet.

"Let's just get married right now, then."

"That's not how it works."

"It can be."

Price quickly marries them in the small dressing room. Their vows are very off the cuff and Kyle has to hold back tears.

The rest of the day is very traditional. John's mum was hoping for a Catholic ceremony but neither John or Nina wanted to go to all the meetings with the priest. It's still held in an old converted church which was an acceptable compromise.

John wears a kilt and was able to get Kyle and Simon into one as well as his groomsmen.

Price walks Nina down the aisle (his excuse for not wearing a kilt was that he didn't want to outshine Nina). Her dress is pretty simple, something like this. Her veil is also just very simple and only goes about shoulder length.

She feels less anxious knowing she's already meeting her husband at the end.

John's family is large and takes up a good chunk of both sides but there's an empty space left in memory for her mother and brother.

After their vows, his mum pins the MacTavish tartan sash on Nina. She's always said, Nina has been part of the family since John first brought her home but now she's a MacTavish.

The reception goes very late into the night but John and Nina manage to slip away just after midnight.

They end up taking a bath together and just cuddling in bed. Neither of them can really believe they're actually married now. Nina didn't think it would actually happen but she's Nina MacTavish now.

Their honeymoon is in Mexico. Alejandro and Rudy felt bad they couldn't make the wedding so their gift was a week-long trip.

They do the touristy stuff and also spend a lot of time by the pool.

John's big gift to Nina is that he put in his twelve-month notice. He has one more year in the service before retirement and then he's hers and only hers.

He also might have bought a house up in Scotland but he's still working on repairs for it.

#Soap x Nina

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bloodyknucklesforme · 2 years ago

Text

Don't Blame Me | John 'Soap' Mactavish x F!OC

Chapter 20:

Ao3 | Masterpost

John and Nina go on their first date

General Tags: Fake Marriage, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Slow Build, Canon-Typical Violence

Words: 3.1k

CW: Self-harm

Home. She supposed Price’s flat was her new home. She didn’t want to seem ungrateful but it felt like just another place. Another stop. Another temporary situation. She wanted it to be home. She wanted security and warmth. The familiar sounds of creaking floors and squeaky doors. Where she knew where everything was and how to close the cabinet just right so it didn’t swing open.

“This is it, love.” It was a nicer building, in a nicer part of town. No elevator but he carried her bags up while Gaz walked up behind her. Walking long distances still winded her.

“I had Kyle turn my office into a bedroom for you.” He opened the door and it was in fact an office, just with a cot pushed into the corner. “Know it’s not much but it's your space. Depending on how long you stay we can move stuff around. Get you a proper bed.”

She hugged him, biting her tongue to stop herself from crying. It was surreal to her that even after all these years he still cared about her. If she closed her eyes and thought hard enough she could pretend that it was only a couple of weeks ago he was tying floss around her loose tooth and sneaking her snacks from the commissary. She’d opened them and 15 years had passed.

She didn’t deserve Price. It had been a rough six weeks for both of them. Her injuries had her relying on Price for almost everything. Neither of them slept much, her screaming nightmares would wake both of them.

He’d burst into her room to see her writhe in pain. Her sobs would shake her broken ribs, sending jolts of pain through her body. She’d only just remembered how to cry and was now unable to do it without pain.

Pain. That’s all she felt.

During the day her body ached and the embarrassment of needing Price to care for her like a child had her spending most of her time in bed. Once she fell asleep she was left with flashbacks of John’s strangulation. She never escaped in her dreams. She always had to watch him die. Over and over again. When her subconscious got bored with ligatures it moved on to disemboweling and dismemberment.

Price couldn’t even comfort her without hurting her. He just had to rub her arm and try to pull her back to him. He’d stay with her. Urging her to stop fighting sleep, that she needed sleep to heal.

She felt like shattered glass. People scrambled around her to pick up the pieces and glue her back together but she couldn’t hold form. She folded in at weird angles and there were little pieces shattered into dust. Things she could never recover.

She’d withdrawn from everyone, including John. She did her best to reply to his messages. She didn’t want him to know how hurt she was. How she wished she’d begged him to stay. That she told him how afraid she was.

She’d started lashing out at Price. She’d fallen in the hallway on the way back from the bathroom. He’d tried to pick her up and she just started yelling.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” His hands still hovered over her.

“Nina, if you can’t get up on your own-”

“Just fucking leave me then!” She grabbed the doorframe to the bedroom and dragged herself forward. She gagged on the pain.

“I’m not going to leave you.” He rested a hand on her back. She wanted him to fight her. She wanted him to be angry. She wanted a reaction. The kindness was overwhelming. She didn’t deserve it. She wanted to bite and scratch at him. She felt weak. She couldn’t fight back if it happened again. If there were more of them out there.

They’d kill Price and then her.

He laid down next to her, rubbing her back.

“We can stay here. We can stay here as long as you need.”

She never apologized for yelling. She should have.

She broke the hug to go sit on the cot. He watched her from the doorway.

“John won’t stop bothering me about you now that he knows you’re here. Suppose Garrick told him,” he chuckled.

She missed John. Despite texting almost every day she’d half expected to realize she’d made the whole thing up while on painkillers. The fear that she would arrive and he’d never want to see her again slithered around her head. That outside of their little bubble he’d realize the kind of person she was and would decide he didn’t want her. He’d never show up for their date like he said, leaving her waiting by the door like an abandoned dog.

“He asked if he could take you out this Friday night. I said it was up to you.” She avoided looking at him, focusing on her hands. She’d started scratching at the skin around her nails. Price sat down next to her. “Do you want to go? He’d understand if you didn’t or weren’t ready.”

“What if he changes his mind? We’re not locked up together anymore. He has options.” She shrugged, trying not to hurt her own feelings.

“Before he left, he gave him a list of all the things he’d learned about you. Things you like, things you don’t like. Coffee is a no but you like hot chocolate. That was a big one. You like those little goldfish crackers. On the other side of the page was a drawing of you. It was a good one too.” He reached into his back pocket and gave her a folded piece of paper. “He’s not going to change his mind, Nina.”

Nina unfolded the paper. It had been ripped from a book, one edge messily ripped. John had doodled all over it. Little sheep littered the margins. She flipped it over and it was her. She looked pretty. It was from after they got to the safehouse. She had earrings and her hair was short. She held the paper to her chest.

“Can I keep this?”

“Of course, just don’t tell him. He seemed a little embarrassed by it.” Price wrapped an arm around her. “If he ever breaks your heart, I might just kill him. You can tell him that.”

She laughed softly.

“I want to go on Friday.” She said, nodding to herself. “I want to see him.”

“I’ll text him. We can go shopping tomorrow. Get you something nice to wear if you want.”

“I’d like that.” She smiled weakly. He ruffled her hair like he used to when she was a kid.

It was Friday now.

“John’s coming up.” Price peaked his head into the bathroom.

“I’m not ready!” She said, trying to get an earring in. Her fingers kept slipping and she stabbed the skin around the hole.

“Let me.” Price held up her chin while he carefully put the earring in for her. “You look very pretty, Nina. He’s lucky. You finish, I’ll go distract him. Come out when you’re ready.”

She fixed her hair one more time, pushing it behind her ears. She looked in the mirror and liked what she saw. She could hear them talking by the door.

She could her his accent. Six weeks was a long time. She didn’t want to be wrong.

“Is that John?” she asked, slipping from behind Price. She hid her shaking hands behind her back. “Hi.”

“Hi, Nina.” He was grinning. “I got these for you.”

He held out his hands. A gorgeous blue and purple bouquet of flowers in one and a stuffed highland cow with a silver ribbon tied in a bow around its neck. Her hands fell to her side. Her eyes flicked between the two gifts.

She forced her way between his open arms to hug him, tucking her chin over his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her middle, holding her flush against his chest. He was wearing too much cologne and she wouldn’t trade it for anything.

“I’ll take the flowers and get them some water.” Price said. John was able to wrap another arm around her. He kissed her temple.

“You look beautiful, Neen.” Maybe they didn’t need to go out. She’d be content just staying here in this hallway with him. He rocked them gently to a song playing in his head.

“Come on you two. Get out of my hallway.” Price said, offering Nina her purse. “Keys to the flat are in there. Garrick and I are going to the pub tonight. Said he can beat me in darts so I have to teach him about disrespecting his superiors.”

He gave John a pointed look.

“I’ll have her back by ten, Sir.” He nodded.

“I’m sure you will.” He said, shutting the door on them.

John led her back down the stairs, a hand around her waist to support her. She clutched the stuffed cow to her chest.

“If you ever get tired, let me know. I’ll carry you around the city if you need.” He laughed but he was serious. She leaned against him so he had a reason to hold her tighter.

He opened the car door for her. He held open the door to the restaurant too. It was a smaller place but crowded. The chairs at the tables were bumping into each other. Savory smells from the kitchen filtered in and the whole place was bathed in orange light.

He went over the menu with her. He never talked down to her. He never acted like she was dumb even when she felt like it. He rubbed his ankle against hers. It was sudden, a blink and she was back in the cabin.

A nylon cord wrapped around his throat and her stretching out her leg to touch him.

“Neen, you okay?” She had John’s arm in a vice grip. Her whole body was tense. There were too many people around, too much noise. He leaned his head against hers. “Do you want to leave? We don’t have to stay.”

“I..I...I don’t know. I just…” She trailed off, eyes flicking across the room. Something bad was going to happen she knew it. Something would happen to them. She’d blink and someone would burst in and kill them. She tried to answer him. Her mouth moved silently. Her nails dug into her thighs. She was so stupid. She looked so stupid.

“It’s okay. We’ll go.” He rubbed her shoulders and called a server over. He asked for their meal to go. Put cash on the table and said he’d be back to pick it up. He took off his jacket and wrapped it around her.

She wanted to cry. It was cold outside but she was burning from the inside out. She couldn’t go an hour without losing it. He helped her into the car and kissed her cheek.

“I’ll be right back,” He handed her the car keys.

She started crying as he shut the door. She held the stuffed cow, pushing the fur out of its eyes over and over. She’d spoiled everything already. She hunched over, hiding her head between her knees. In the dim light, she watched little water stains appear on the cloth seat.

Her door opened.

“C’mere.” He pulled her to face him. “It’s okay. I’m right here. I’m right here.”

He knelt down on the pavement, rubbing her knees.

“Can you look at me, Neen?” His voice was soft. She wiped her face angrily. She didn’t want him to see her like this, acting like a child.

“I’m sorry.” She tilted her head up but looked away from him, staring down the street instead.

“No, no, no. Don’t be.” He cupped the side of her face. “Bit too much, wasn’t it? Do you want to go home? I’ll take you back.”

“I don’t want to ruin everything,” She frowned. “I know you wanted to do this.”

“You’re not ruining anything. I’m not upset with you, Nina. I talked this up and I don’t want you to feel pressured to stay out. I can take you home right now. We can stay in together or I can call Price and he can meet you back there.”

“I want to stay with you.” She took his palm and leaned against it. “Can we… can we just go somewhere quiet? With no people?”

“I might know somewhere. We can go right now.”

She sniffled and nodded. He helped her buckle up, stroking her hair and making sure his jacket was keeping her warm. He placed a hand on her knee while he found a quiet spot.

She laid her hand on top of his and laid back in the seat. She took deep breaths and held the cow tightly.

“You’re okay, Nina. It’s just us.” He pulled into a small parking lot by a park. He kept the car running and turned on the radio, letting soft music fill the car. He turned on the interior lights and pushed both their chairs back. He handed her her food.

“They gave us extra nann.” He smiled, setting the foil-wrapped bread on the center console. He watched her eat for a bit before speaking again. “ Ya’know, I get like that too. Freeze up, get scared. It happens when I hear kids cry, sets me off. Gaz…uh… he can’t go to Picadilly anymore. Doesn’t really like big crowded places at all. I don’t know about Price or Ghost but I’m sure they have triggers too. Can’t avoid it.”

She rested her elbows on her knees and sighed. She was triggered by him touching her. How could she explain that to him? Explain it without hurting him.

“I just see things in my head sometimes. Just over and over. ” She rubbed her face to prevent tears. She didn’t want to talk about the nightmares. Price had asked. The therapist she was seeing twice a week asked. It was obvious what they were about and previously it felt like saying it out loud would only cause her to relive it again. She had to keep darting her eyes around to stop them from lingering on his neck too much. If she did, she could hear him choking in her head.

He paused, seeing how she looked at his throat.

“Do you want to see, Nina? It’s healed. I’m okay. My voice is a little rougher but I’m okay.” He undid the first couple of buttons on his shirt and showed off his neck. “See, not a scratch left.”

She reached out slowly and laid her hand on his neck. She trembled and let out a shuddered gasp.

“I watch it happen over and over again. It’s just in my head. Sometimes it’s worse than what actually happened. I don’t want to be scared all the time but I am. I’m tired of healing. I just want to be better already. I’ve spent six weeks learning to breathe again. Why can’t I just not be afraid? I just want to be normal. I want to go out and not ruin everything!” She didn’t mean to yell. She didn’t mean to start crying.

She hated how often she cried now. She cried over the smallest things now. She had to train herself not to again. Price almost caught her one night. She didn’t realize she’d woken him up and she still had her teeth dug into her arm when he walked in. She was under the covers and had to hide the teeth marks from him. She knew she shouldn’t do it. She just needed one thing to control. One piece of pain that was hers.

“You didn’t ruin anything. I can’t make the nightmares go away or make you feel normal. I can tell you that I’ll do whatever I can to make you feel safe. Whatever it takes. I can’t change what happened. But we’re both here. We survived.” He took her hand and kissed it. “ I’m here right now on a date with the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. Sure, we’re not eating at the restaurant but they gave us extra naan and I get to be alone with you. I couldn’t ask for anything more. Next time we can do takeout at my flat. I’ll spring for candles and tablecloth if you want.”

“I’d like that.” She nodded, still trying to control her breathing. She leaned over to rest her head on his shoulder. His hand came up to play with her hair.

“If you need more time, tell me. I’ll wait for you. I’ll wait as long as you need.” He kissed her temple. “You’re stuck with me as long as you want me.”

They walked around the park after eating. He didn’t feel the need to make her talk. He would just hold her hand and let her lean on his shoulder. She liked dates, she’d decided. She liked being able to be with him and not worry. Not worry that he’d be taken away.

There was a light layer of frost on the ground. Maybe a dress wasn’t a good idea. She clattered her knees together. Maybe it was too cold. Her chest was starting to hurt.

“Could we go back to the car?” She steadied herself against him.

“Course.” He gave her a quick kiss. She yelped as he picked her up bridal style. “I gotcha.”

He tickled her sides and the backside of her legs. She laughed till tears sprung up in the corner of her eyes.

“Stop squirming or I’ll throw you over my back.” He laughed.

He had to finagle himself in order to open the car door without putting her down.

“There you go.” He set her down on the seat. She took the cow from the dashboard and put it in her lap. He got into the car and turned it on. “You have a name for him yet?”

“He needs a name?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Course he does.”

She thought about it. Looking at the toy's shiny black eyes. A smirk pulled on her face.

“Bubbles,” She declared, turning it to face him.

“Bubbles?” He raised an eyebrow and shook his head.

“You’re Soap. He’s Bubbles.” He leaned his forehead against the steering wheel and huffed out a laugh.

“You still think it’s dumb don’t you?” He asked, shaking his head at her.

“Almost as dumb as a guy in a skull mask being called Ghost.”

“Won’t argue with you there.” He laughed, shrugging.

He kept his hand on her knee the whole drive back.

“Nina?” He asked as he stopped the car in front of Price’s building.

“Yeah?” She looked at him with bright eyes.

“Could I kiss you?” He was biting his upper lip. She unbuckled slowly. Her hands were shaking as she leaned over the center console.

“Please.” Her mouth was inches from his.

He held her like glass. A hand on her waist and the back of her head. His mouth was warm and his tongue dragged across her bottom lip. She let him in slowly. He tugged her closer. His palms made her feel small and delicate. He groaned into her mouth and any doubt and fear she had slipped away between his fingers. She broke the kiss, gasping softly.

“Can we go inside?” She asked.

Tag List: @so-scarlet--it-was-maroon @yeyinde @queen-ilmaree @yearningforsappho @mykneeshurt @gogh-with-the-flow

#It's pretty much all fluff from here on out #except for the agnst alt ending I wrote because I like hurting my own feelings #Don't Blame Me #john soap mactavish #John Soap Mactavish x oc #cod mw22 #cod mwii #call of duty fanfic #call of duty modern warfare 2 #my writing

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