#so. i have reinstalled grindr.

[slutdge]

reinstalled grindr

[tgmsunmontue]

Online & Anonymous 4/16

Hangster. Explicit. Years before they meet in person Bradley and Jake strike up a friends-with-benefits relationship online. And then something more like an actual relationship.

Odd year = Bradley's POV and Even year = Jake's POV

>>Bradley chatting (bold and italics)

>>Jake chatting (italics)

2005/2006 2007 2008

2009 – Bradley

>>Have you heard of Grindr?

>>Why do we need Grindr, we have this…

>>Ha. So you have heard of it!

>>You can use Grindr to pick up outside of this messaging app. I think I’m going to sign up.

>>Also you can send and receive pictures, if you’ve got a good enough phone with a camera.

>>You want to see photos of me?

>>I wouldn’t be averse to seeing some.

>>Would you send me photos of yourself?

>>That would sort of be the point.

                He’s never going to push, and also, the only phone capable is expensive, but god he really does want to see a picture or two of Jas. His imagination is fine, but he’s intensely curious about whether Jas lives up to his imagination. Not that he’s settled on any one image, they haven’t exchanged specifics, other than length and cut/uncut status. They’ve been talking long enough for Bradley to have picked up enough other clues. The way Jas talks, is from Texas and in the military, he’d bet that he was white, but sometimes he imagines darker skin under his fingers when they chat.

>>Do you have a type?

>>Yes and no.

>>That’s a cop out.

>>It’s also the truth.

>>My type is male.

>>I’m not that much older than you.

>>I’m still figuring things out as well.

>>So what have you figured out so far? What do you know you like?

>>A little bit of stubble, but not beards.

>>Muscular arms and thighs.

>>Close to me in height.

>>And confidence. The guys I’ve been with, where it’s been good? Like really good? They’ve been… sure of themselves. Their confidence was justified nine times out of ten.

>>Yeah? I’m going to take that as life advice right there.

>>You do that. Haven’t led you astray yet have I?

…            …            …

                Grindr is different. It feels more risky, with putting photos out there, and having the location enabled. He leaves his face out of the images, matches with guys who do similar, mutually assured discretion and also deniability. While it might feel riskier, it is also so much easier to hook up. As time passes more guys download the app and the number of matches goes up. With all the dick pics he’s sent, he has seen more dick in the last few months than he has in the entire six years prior.

                Sometimes the hookups are mediocre, rarely complete busts, but on the whole it works for him when he’s on leave. He occasionally looks when he’s not on leave, but he reinstalls the app and then deletes it in moments he knows are safe. He doesn’t trust the people around him to respect his privacy and not poke around, despite having a passcode on his phone. He still uses his laptop to chat with Jas through the website, and he realizes they could email each other and send photos that way. He could just get a free email account.

>>So. I bought myself a new phone.

                Bradley reads the message, lets his breath out slowly, licks his lips and feels his entire body prickle with anticipation. This feels like a next step. And it comes just as he was about to suggest they exchange email addresses.

>>Yeah?

>>Any particular reason?

>>You know why.

>>Stop playing dumb.

>>Could have saved the money. Just had a thought that we could email each other.

>>How safe is that?

>>Anyway. I made an account. You want my user name?

>>Is it not 00JASTYX?

>>No. It’s not.

>>That would have been easier.

>>Are you going to tell me?

>>Nope. Think I might make you work for it?

                Bradley laughs, shaking his head.

>>Contrary bastard.

>>You don’t think I’ve already earnt it?

>>Just thought you might like the thrill of the chase.

>>You can’t see me but I’m rolling my eyes.

>>Am I not worth chasing?

>>Kind of feel like I already caught you.

>>Exactly. So now you have to find me. I’ve tried to make it worthwhile.

            ��   Bradley’s mouth goes dry.

>>Really now?

>>Yep.

>>Challenge accepted.

…            …            …

                He can’t spend every moment trawling through Grindr profiles. That way lies many things, including a potential dishonorable discharge if anyone sees him. He doesn’t stop to pay much attention to the photos, instead paying attention to the brief words. He knows how old Jas is and where he’s from and that he’s in the military. So he turns off the location, because he could be anywhere in the world for a start. There are hundreds, if not thousands. A needle in a haystack comes to mind and he knows why the location aspect is so important. He’ll persevere though.

                Early 30s. Nope.

                New York native. Nope.

                Student. Nope.

                Late 20s. Nope.

                Athlete. Nope.

                Fit. Well yes, he’d have to be, but he’s also Canadian. Nope.

                Mid-20s. Southern boy. 6’1”. Good with words, better with my hands. Maybe?

                He looks to the username then and it’s TJASX and he laughs. This has to be him and he looks at the first photo. Bradley stares. If this is Jas, he’s gorgeous. Or at least his body is. He’s known Jas is military for over two years, and hell, he might not be anymore. Although he suspects he is, body like that posing in the photos, face carefully cropped out to just show the hinge of jaw or column of his neck. His dog tags are even visible in one photo. He should tell him to remove that photo, because that photo feels like confirmation that this is definitely him. Bradley doesn’t know whether to admit that he’s also military, that’s safe enough surely.

>>Just as gorgeous as I thought you’d be.

>>Those photos actually of you?

>>Of course. Why would I use someone else’s photos?

>>Because people lie on the internet.

>>Are those photos yours?

>>Yep.

>>You’re hot.

>>So are you.

>>Glad you think so.

>>I’m serious, I was a scrawny kid. Had to bulk up but I’m always a little self-conscious.

>>Well you’re gorgeous.

>>Nothing to be ashamed of.

>>Want to lick you all over.

>>One thing though, you need to take your dog tags off if you’re going to be posting photos.

                He pauses, thinks about what he’s going to type next.

>>I took off mine.

                He sucks in a breath and closes the app, terrified but no idea why. He knows Jas won’t care, but it still feels like he’s exposing himself, baring himself to attention that he has avoided for the last few years. He taps the phone against his forehead, breath coming a little short and he opens it again.

>>Holy shit.

>>Nick?

>>Yeah. Hi.

>>You’re military as well?

>>Seriously?

>>Yep. DADT and all that.

>>Holy shit. That’s a weird coincidence, right?

>>Well, 1 in 10 roughly right? Just lots of people not telling.

>>Thought I could maybe tell you.

>>Thanks for trusting me I guess. That’s… it makes me feel a little less alone.

>>You know what I mean?

>>Fuck. Yeah. Sorry. I know exactly what you mean. I should have told you sooner.

>>Would have been nice. But I get it.

>>It’s not something you go yelling or sharing with anyone.

>>No, not just anyone.

>>I feel weird that I know all of this stuff about you but I don’t know your name.

>>Well. DADT right?

>>Do you want to know my name?

                He’s nervous, because he will share his name with Jas if he wants it, even if he just gives him Brad, that’s good enough.

>>Nah. I think I’m good actually. I think of you as Nick. Maybe if you were a bunch of letters and numbers I might want something more like a name.

>>But Nick works for me. If we ever meet in person, then we can exchange our real names. Also don’t know if I’m ready to give you my name, which I know is probably hilarious to you considering all the tips you had to give me when we first started chatting online.

>>I think of you as Jas. Like Jace, short for Jason or something. So your random letters and numbers is a name for me too.

>>Oh. Huh. That’s cool. Think you’ll find my name funny if we ever meet up.

>>When.

>>What?

>>When we meet up. Not if.

>>Okay. When we meet up. You’ll still find it funny.

>>Wait.

>>Do you always limit yourself to only when you’re on leave?

>>Yeah. Pretty much. For in person that is. Not worth it otherwise.

>>You know my friend that I came out to?

>>Yeah.

>>I think he’s under the impression that you’re my boyfriend or something.

>>Well. I’m something, that’s for sure.

>>Ugh. Bad joke.

>>I meant that I’m at least a friend. That’s something, right?

>>Oh.

>>Yeah. You’re definitely a friend.

>>My hot single gay friend that I jerk off with on the regular.

>>Yep. I’d say the same about you.

>>Yeah, but you have more than just me.

>>Jas, how much time do you think I have to spend online messaging people? You’re pretty much it, and have been for a while.

>>Really?

>>Yeah. I’m going out and hooking up with guys when I’m on leave, and where I feel like it’s not going to implode my career. But I spend more time being deployed and chatting with you.

>>Oh.

>>You okay?

>>Yeah.

>>Did you think I had a whole bunch of guys I was chatting with?

>>Yeah.

>>Did a few years ago. You’re the only one I kept it up with. I enjoy talking with you as well as the sex stuff.

>>You’re the only one I ever talked to.

>>You’re allowed to talk with other guys. And hook up with them.

>>You don’t owe me your fidelity.

>>I am using Grindr to hook up, but it’s a one and done kind of thing.

>>Do you think if we ever meet up it’ll be a one and done?

                Bradley scrubs at his face, doesn’t want to make false promises.

>>I don’t know. We might take one look at one another and hate each other.

>>I don’t know.

>>I want more than hooking up.

>>Yeah.

>>Me too.

2010 - Jake

[schwegler]

For the record. I now have a productive cough and chest congestion. So, knowing me, this is the end of the road for this damn cold.

I’ll celebrate by reinstalling Grindr next week.

[cuntboyswagg]

Guys I need to get fucked so bad. I have a car right now part of me wants to reinstall grindr and just let a stranger use me

[cupfulofspiders]

actually having sex at least once was sort of good for me bc the night after i had vivid tactile hallucinations about a ghost being inside my mattress / cuddling me / on top of my blankets and that spooked me in exactly the right way so that "reinstall grindr and talk to the weird old men who kept offering you money" doesnt even cross my mind anymore when im broke (which is always) its enhanced and altered my fear of intimacy in a very positive way i think

[surprisebitch]

dont mean to worry anyone but im feeling sad, lonely, and horny

[matchboxguns]

My Astro Placements on Dating Apps 👨‍❤️‍👨💓🦄🌸

Unaspected Venus: *feeling unloved*

Chart Ruler in 7H: *feeling unloved while ignoring the 20 people they’re flirting with*

Libra Sun: UGGGHHH. Fine *reinstalls Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, OKCupid and Grindr*

Saturn in 11H: We can’t relate to people IRL what more when we’re online. We’re perpetual outsiders.

Libra Mercury: Oh wow so poetic. Have you tried starting a podcast?

Unaspected Venus: *singing Hunger by Florence + The Machine*

Aquarius in 11H: Sssh don’t listen to Saturn. We are literally made for this.

Jupiter in 7H: Luck is literally on our side. Trust.

Mars in 7H: *pointed silence*

Libra Sun: Um anyway…so we def need to update our profile photos

Libra Mercury: *Fashion Week 2080 playlist*

Venus in 5H: *pose*

Moon in 10H: Yaasss let's show them expressive face b!tch

Venus in 5H: I’m giving you nubile Dickensian peasantwoman.

Mercury Square Uranus: I’m giving you Chrisjen Avasarala dragging Martian military officials to filth. I’m giving you Juno Steel running in heels in the middle of a heist realness.

Libra Mars: Or your discreet gym bud. Whatever you want bro *flex* Should I wear a cap backwards?

Libra Stellium: *chooses photos*

Libra Stellium: And this time maybe DO NOT immediately respond to messages? We look desperate

*everyone looks at Aries Rising*

Aries Rising: WELL IF THEY DON’T RESPOND IN 2 SECONDS THAT MEANS WE’RE NOT MEANT TO BE

Unaspected Venus: *singing* and if you don’t want me….then you’re not the one

Libra Mercury: Literally the opposite of all that

----

*after 24 hrs of non-success*

Libra Sun: So no one replied to our DMs.

Jupiter in 7H: Wait maybe –

Saturn Dominant: No don’t get her hopes up

Unaspected Venus: *on the verge of tears*

Saturn Dominant: Don’t sugarcoat it either

Venus Conjunct Chiron: *Loneliest Being To Have Ever Existed playlist*

Libra Mercury: Perfect

Unaspected Venus: *crying pretty tears*

Virgo Venus: What a bunch of weird uggos.

Aquarius Moon: I know. I hate us.

[akutulissemuainiuntukengkau]

My Four Leafed Clover Part I

Grindr, that's how it started. I have a habit of installing and reinstalling Grindr, never backing up any chats simply because I don't want to remember. I had "fourtwozero friendly" and "I don't mind if you're discreet" in my bio. I should have never wrote that down. I didn't mind either for a quick fuck, but it turned out to be much more than that, sadly. Now, after it all happened I see why you messaged me in the first place. I reinstalled and I saw a message, we started chatting. We exchanged instagram handles, then numbers. We had two mutuals, not usually a cause for concern but the two people we both knew left a feeling of unease, I brushed it off; foolishly now I realize in retrospect. I was too charmed by this cute boy I was talking to. Turned out you were Azam's ex. Azam, the sweet, gentle and clingy Azam. The one whose heart I broke. The Azam who broke your heart. If only I knew, you'd break mine the way I broke his the way he broke yours. The universe plays cruel jokes but I have yet to laugh. It was my first night doing shrooms. Not my first foray into psychedelics nor drugs for that matter. Liza came over that night to hang out and smoke weed as we used to, back then. I made mushroom tea and partly because I was high and partly because I genuinely wanted to talk to you, I texted you and told you I was tripping. You recommended me some trippy videos to watch, me and Liza were tripping balls in the living room fixated on the flatscreen tv. Later, the two of us went to my room upstairs. I was painting while high, the right call since my mind was bursting with ideas. We thought it was a good idea to take photos, so we did while tripping balls. Suddenly it's 3AM, and you hit me with the "you still up text?" and I hit you with "wyd?". "Main kote tu dikira aktiviti tak?" you replied. I smirked, and I started to imagine you touching yourself, I got hard while high as fuck. We started sexting, we exchanged dick pics. All's fair and game in the middle of the night when two young men are horny. You told me you came and that you were going to bed. I bade you goodnight, sneaked to the toilet on the 2nd floor while Liza was still high as fuck tripping in my room writing work emails for the love of psychedelic jesus. I went to your instagram page, locked the toilet door, started jerking off and had my first orgasm while on shrooms. Snuck back into my room, Liza having no idea of what I just did downstairs. She promised we'd go out to get breakfast when dawn broke. I finally dozed off at 8AM while Liza was glued to the laptop click-clacking away on her laptop, completely engrossed with work. She was being productive, I guess in my own way I was too. A few days after, you messaged me saying we should smoke up together soon but you didn't have any stuff with you since you just moved to the area. You told me you were looking for a new dealer, I told you I'd hook you up but I told you, you were more than welcome to come over and get stoned at my place till I restocked. So one night you finally come over and I'm meeting you in the flesh for the first time. I'm hanging out in the living room with my housemates and friends and the room stinks of that good dank, I hear someone opening the gate, and as I peek through the living room window. This tall boy with a huge frame, long green hair. Glasses, a sweatshirt and oddly enough, shorts and NIKE slides enters the compound of my house. The weed must have been really good or maybe I was just smitten but I had a huge smile on my face, a devilish grin even. "Jackpot", my tiny little heart whispered as I greeted you at the door and invited you in. I knew tonight was gonna be fun, if only I knew that several months later you would walk through those gates for the last time and just like before, we would become strangers again but this time with memories that I'm not sure I bare to remember.

[cherubchoirs]

This is inspired by pliskin here on tumblr about what if Akira had too many apps/not enough data on his phone and how Igor/Yaldy-in-disguise would old-Man-shame him into deleting some crappy version of Grindr or Facebook every few weeks or so and it made me laugh.

HONESTLY THIS SOUNDS LIKE HE’S ACTUALLY DOING AKIRA A FAVOR but this also made me think like. akira deletes the app several times so what if he downloads some shitty apps just to take up SPACE so that it can’t reinstall skdfjsd like the third time he sees it he’s like “alright i got your number now”, deleting the app and immediately downloading enough to take up all the available space on his phone. bonus ng+ round: he checks the size of the metanav and downloads just enough so that it’s like .01 mb away from having enough space because akira is EXTREMELY petty. when he is of course summoned to the velvet room that night him and yaldy igor stare each other down in absolute silence for a solid ten minutes until

yaldabaoth: delete th-

akira: come into my phone and make me, idiot

[bi-guy-confessions]

I deleted Grindr (again)

And surprisingly not because I've been using it too much! I just didn't feel like it was helpful to me anymore, my subscription expired, and I kinda have another thing I'm depending on at the moment, so I rarely have interest in it. Idk. Maybe I'll reinstall it later, but it's strange that I don't feel like it's my only access to the queer community anymore like when I first installed it.

[autdroid]

Why would a gay guy ever have a crush on you? They're literally gay. You're afab. They're repulsed by your entire person. Why are you being such a homphobic creep?

I left tumblr for a while so I have literally no idea what this transphobic garbage ask was even responding to in the first place but stay mad I get more hoes than you ig. I was just gonna delete it but now I think I'll reinstall grindr and post a screenshot of my inbox so you can find out exactly how "repulsed" gay guys are by me.

[tgmsunmontue]

It's all academic darlin' PART 6/10

12k+ Hangster AU. Updating 2-3 parts per week and will be finished by 14th January 2024. (Each part is ~1500 words).

Bradley is a professor but living his best life with IceMav parents. Jake is a pilot. Maverick sort-of tries (and fails) to play matchmaker, so he tries again. Touch of epistolary and sprinkling of one-sided unknown/mistaken-identity.

For the emails in this part (because bold (Bradley Bradshaw) and italics (Jake Seresin) aren't super obvious) the beginning and ending of emails are also marked with this: <>

PART 1 PART 2 PART 3 PART 4 PART 5

                Bradley stares at the email and snorts in disbelief. Fucking hell, Mav's right. Alive and breathing and he’ll flirt with it. Though it does make him wonder why Jake didn't flirt with him when they were at the cabin. One word he'd never use to describe Jake Seresin is shy.

&lt;>You’re lucky you’re not one of my students. Pretty sure I’d have to report that email for sexual harassment.<>

&lt;>Lucky for you I’m not. Anyway, you started it.<>

&lt;>Not intentionally. I’ve used that turn of phrase dozens of times before and never had anyone reply like you have. And I’m never going to be able to use it again without thinking it’s inappropriate, so thanks for that.<>

&lt;>I aim to please.<>

&lt;>I’m sure you do.<>

…             …             …

&lt;>I’m sure you do.<>

                Those four little words have Jake taking in a long slow breath, he’s never before realized that flirting through email was something you could do. Makes sense, he’s done it through text messages and apps plenty, and obviously in person, but through email is a new thing. Plus he’s never flirted and not known what the person looked like before, even if they were old pictures on Tinder or Grindr… Apps he never got back around to reinstalling on his phone. He wonders if it’s just the length of time since he got laid that is making him feel… interested. Curious. This flirting is two-way, he hasn’t had the guy give short or sharp replies, he’s humoring Jake. Almost playful.

                He’s on a carrier for the next few months, training and upskilling; so he has nothing to lose in emailing this guy. Being flirty. Plus he’ll actually get some answers to his original questions which he sent off earlier. He’s definitely more interested in this than he thought though, wonders if the guy is single. Okay. That’s putting the carriage before the horse, they’re exchanging emails. If it becomes something more than just… light flirting and getting to know each other then he will ask.

…             …             …

&lt;>So what do you like to do in your down time?<>

&lt;>Well, I have a pretty full schedule. I teach and carry out research, but that’s my job so not down time I guess. But I love it, so it doesn’t exactly feel like work. Outside of my paid hours of work I do… well. Everything? I love trying new things, sometimes the more dangerous the better. I do rock climbing at least twice a week, hiking, do some jet skiing, water skiing, snowboarding. Picked up all the winter sports when I lived in Sweden. Plus my dad is a freaking daredevil and adrenalin junky so he’s always finding ways to do stupid shit. Usually drags me along. I go out to a quiz night with my postgrad students and some colleagues. What about you?<>

&lt;>You mean the very little leave I have? I usually spend it with friends and doing whatever they want to do. I’ve started enjoying hiking a bit more, like keeping active. I love my job too, feel very lucky to get to fly and get paid for it.<>

…             …             …

&lt;>Favorite type of music?<>

&lt;>Country. Can take the Texan out of Texas, but you can’t take the country lovin’ out of the Texan. You?<>

<>I’ve yet to hear music I don’t like. But I’m a fan of things I can sing along to. I’m constantly singing, people say they can hear me before they can see me.<>

                Jake rubs his eyes, feels like he’s making connections where they don’t exist. Lots of people like singing along to music. And Bradley is a common name. In the beginning some of the emails do actually go into the work Bradley does, and he gets more articles to read. He’s got a much better grasp of materials science now, and he re-reads the original article Mav gave him and it’s fascinating now, rather than being slightly interesting.

…             …             …

&lt;>So how long is your deployment and what are you up to? If you can share it.<>

&lt;>Unless something comes up I’ve got three months left of what is a seven month deployment. And I’m a naval aviator. Recently been doing nothing but night landings, which I have to admit has to be my least favorite thing to do. Nothing like taking off from a carrier though.<>

&lt;>My dad was a naval aviator. A RIO.<>

&lt;>Does he still fly?<>

&lt;>No. He died when I was small. Training exercise actually, so you be safe out there.<>

&lt;>Always.<>

                Bradley stares at the screen in front of him, thinks about Mav telling him that Jake saved his life and what kind of fucked up mission apparently made him an Ace. Knows his mom didn’t want him joining any of the armed forces, but he doesn’t know how she’d feel about him wanting to… date one. Obviously exchanging some emails isn’t dating, but he still feels like he’s laying groundwork for something and it’s a little unsettling. But his life is so heavily intertwined with the defense force, he understands the ebb and flow and nature of work. Has to accommodate it often enough with his own research.

                Also, he’s not sure, but he gets the feeling that Jake has forgotten that they’ve met. He knows now that Jake was dealing with concussion when they met, so he’s wary about reminding him. He’s been there; both the dealing with a concussion and dealing with Mav playing a bit free and easy with personal medical details. Regardless, being reminded you’ve forgotten shit and not remembering just makes you feel like shit so he just… ignores it. He doesn’t mention Mav, wouldn’t have mentioned Ice anyway, and just refers to his ‘dad’ to sort-of describe his dad, Mav, and Ice, even if it might get confusing if Jake picks up on it.

                He takes the email communication as the opportunity it is though, to get to know Jake without the idea that he needs to portray any particular type of image. He’s going to ask all the questions which have crossed his mind in the last few months. Okay. Maybe not all of them…

…             …             …

&lt;>Do you like cooking?<>

&lt;>Yeah, definitely. I don’t get much opportunity though. My gran taught me. I like the meditative nature of a lot of the works. Like kneading dough, julienning vegetables, finely dicing things… that’s one of my happy places. What about you?<>

&lt;>Yeah, I love cooking too. I totally get what you mean about it being meditative, takes you out of other thoughts and makes you focus. Also I love cooking for others. I’m told it’s one of my love languages.<>

…             …             …

&lt;>You ever wonder what your life would be like if you took a different path? I think about it sometimes, if I'd studied something different, or followed my dad despite my mom pretty much expressly forbidding me to do so...<>

&lt;>I'd be on my family ranch. Or in the airforce. I like my life though, wouldn't want to change much. <>

&lt;>No regrets then?<>

&lt;>A few. But I wouldn’t be the man I am today without them so not really.<>

…             …             …

&lt;>Sorry this can’t be longer – I’ve got a pile of marking and then I’ve got to get to my dad’s for dinner. Weekly dinner cannot be missed upon pain of death, even if right now it’s a choice between undergraduate essays and dinner with the parentals.<>

                Jake frowns, he’s certain Bradley had said previously that his dad had died when he was young. Must be a step-dad or something. The emails haven’t remained super flirty, but there’s definitely been comments here and there. One email confirming he’s single, which Jake had tucked away; felt encouraged that this was going somewhere and he feels weirdly invested in just where that somewhere might be. The emails have made the weeks flow quickly, the constant communication back and forth has just felt… good. Bradley has made him laugh, and challenged him to think about technical shit which he’d never done before. He’s still been working out and socializing plenty, but for fifteen to thirty minutes a day he spends reading and writing to Bradley and he’ll be back within six days and Bradley’s last line in his email has his heart skipping a beat and then going double time.

&lt;>If my dates are right, then the GW gets in this week. How do you feel about catching up over a drink?<>

&lt;>Before or after the hands-on experience and private tour?<>

                He’s more confident this time that he’s going to get a positive answer, not the original dread after his first flirty email months ago. He does indeed get in this week, and for once he might have plans which aren’t with friends or family. He sends a quick email to his brother and sister, letting them know he’ll come and visit after he’s been back at least a week, which is his usual practice anyway.

…             …             …

&lt;>So the easiest thing, for an ACTUAL tour of the labs, is for you to come to the University. I finish teaching at 3 on Friday, so can show you around then. Just come to the engineering office and I’ll swing by. Then we can discuss the hands-on experiences. You want my number?<>

&lt;>You have a functioning phone?<>

&lt;>Harsh. Here’s my number anyway. I’ll try and keep my phone safe.<>

                What the fuck.

                That’s just… it’s too much of a coincidence now. Jake scrunches his face and wonders if he’s maybe still just trying to make connections where there aren’t any. Is it all wishful thinking on his part? There just seems to be more and more mounting evidence though. It started off with a couple of things that made him wonder. It’s been too long now to ask outright, but he’s put the pieces together. Bradley Bradshaw is also somehow Bradley Mitchell and a part of him doesn’t want to ask. Can’t ask now that it’s been four months of emailing back and forth. He grabs his phone, most of the contacts are callsigns or emojis, and he decides to go with the theme and puts a little rooster emoji and he opens up the notes app. Wants to list things manually.

                He likes singing to music.

                He may or may not have a functioning phone. Again?

                He’s a navy brat, which any kid of Mav’s would be.

                Except he said his dad died in a training exercise…

                Mav gave me the article.

                Okay.

                Okay.

                He cracks his knuckles and searches for Bradley Bradshaw again. Pictures of the Bradley who he thinks of as Mav’s son come up again, but this time he does some actual digging, clicking through links to conferences featuring keynote speaker profiles and it has actual photos. Definitely photos of Bradley Bradshaw, his name under the photo and everything. So Bradley Bradshaw and Bradley Mitchell are the same person and he’s coming to grips with that, because Mav gave him the article. He goes back and adds a row of exclamation points with a few question marks to help convey his confusion. What did Mav mean by giving him the article? What is he missing? Is he missing anything? Is he reading too much into this? He tugs at his hair in frustration.

                Wait.

                He goes back through the emails and there, Bradley says his dad was a naval aviator. Well, he guesses Mav was one too, even… but no. Bradley said his dad died during a training exercise. Something is tickling in the back of his mind and he logs in to the naval database, types in the name Bradshaw and there it is. There’s a fucking family resemblance to write home about, holy shit. He falls down a little rabbit hole of enquiry and finds out the history of Nicholas Bradshaw and Peter Mitchell and he knows now, 99.99% that Bradley Bradshaw is also Mav’s son. He puts all his email interactions with Bradley into perspective and yeah, they’d definitely been flirting and getting to know each other really well. He’s shared some things with Bradley which only Javy or his siblings know.

                Also Bradley’s hot, even with the shirts and bad moustache and now that he knows what Bradley Bradshaw looks like, knows what he looks like shirtless chopping wood, or stripping off after a run, or explaining how the pump system works… Fucking hell, of course he knows shit about stuff like that, he’s an engineer. He said he was a teacher. And he loves music, and flying and can cook… He goes back to Rate my Professor and rereads them with new eyes and huh, okay, yeah, it all tracks.

                Okay. They’ve arranged to meet and then… go from there. He’s not naïve enough to know drinks could mean anything, because Bradley Bradshaw for sure as hell knew who he was talking to the whole time. It does raise a different question in Jake’s mind though.

                Did he think Jake knew who he was talking to?

PART 7

[averageisko]

the destruction of my self-esteem

just wanted to vent about how i stupidly tear away at my ever-fragile self-esteem and self-worth by attaching them to stupid benchmarks that somehow eat me up inside.

can i preface this by saying that i should be answering my module activities (yes, during the academic break) instead of writing this. to be fair, i was doing my activities but i just can’t get this out of my head so i decided to do this instead.

i recently reinstalled grindr (yes, the orange dating apps for guys looking for other guys). lots of people were tapping and messaging me there, probably upon seeing my display photo (with my face covered and everything) and assuming i’m as attractive as they thought i am. it’s just so disheartening when, upon me sending my photos, some people just don’t reply to me after. i’m not saying that they’re obligated to reply, i’m just saying how that makes me a bit sad inside, knowing that i’m unattractive as fuck. i know it shouldn’t affect me this much because it’s just me being shallow and that i’ll get over it when i’m older, but oh boy does it hurt.

i’m just so frustrated that i had to inherit such shitty genes. not only because i can’t get hookups, but because i seem to despise myself for being this way. if i were just even decent, i wouldn’t be moping around like this and being pathetic. and why do i have this mindset to begin with.

i just fucking hate this shit, man, it sucks. it’s not the end of the world, yeah i know that, but it still sucks nonetheless. 

[saintkimora]

here is how my last date went w joel (once again i have mixed feelings about it) plus how things are going now

so i saw him the other night. i got there and it was him marissa and lindsey as usual but they also had their friends moshe and adiena there. so that was kinda awkward (for me at least). they were all just sitting around talking and moshe and joel were playing mario kart on the switch and then joel made everyone watch like category is, read u wrote u, the s8 and 9 finale lip syncs, and the alyssa edwards drop dead gorgeous mix. it was kinda awkward bc the others werent really into it after the first 2 videos (except marissa legend) so i was getting secondhand embarrassment but it was still fun i guess since i got to sit next to my man

BUT then things took a turn for the worst bc joel made some attempt to include me in the group conversation. i got so sweaty instantly and i was wearing a tank so i was like fuck! nothing to cover it up. so yeah eventually moshe and adiena left and it was just us the 4 sisters again

marissa started vacuuming and lindsey was showing us some books she has. then they both went to their rooms and it was just me and joel. he said chris was still in his room playing tekken 7 on his ps4 and he didnt wanna kick him out yet so we stayed in the living room and he made me watch the great british bake off with him and it was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO boring omg like this is what yall call a competition? it was not intense at ALL literally flop shows only

then eventually we went into his room and he kicked chris out (after playing one round w him) so it was just us. this is where the date got enjoyable

one of the things he did was he started talking to me about his opinions on like race and stuff currently in america. and his opinions were all p good except for a few so that was fine. it was nice i guess to have like a serious convo w him i guess

THEN he referenced something from his childhood and i didnt know what it was obv so he was like “ive never told you the story of my childhood??” so he told me and oh my gosh it was so SADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD omg im not gonna put all his business on here but it was such a sad story and i felt so bad for him and i wished i met him years ago so i couldve been there for him through all of it. but yeah it was v unfortunate i was like shocked like he seriously could not catch a break and he explained to me how the things from back then affect him to this day w like his anxiety for example and yeah. like obv i wasnt happy to hear about all those sad things but i was happy that he told me bc it made me feel closer to him

now for the part i DIDNT like. so at one point he somehow tried to talk to me about what celebrities and porn stars we think are hot. i did not want to have this conversation bc it feels pointless for me bc i dont keep up w celebrities and plus like the guy im with is always the #1 hottest guy for me so i dont feel the need to lust after celebs and porn stars. but whatever he was insistent on talking about this so we did. and the part that made me feel :/ was that none of the guys looked like me. like literally all the celebrities and porn stars he listed literally looked NOTHING like me whatsoever. like i didnt have a SINGLE thing in common w any of these guys. so to hear him going on and on about how hot these guys are and how they could have him any day and stuff was just kinda deflating to me bc they were all like the complete opposite of me in terms of looks. like they were all super buff daddy types and i have like 0 muscles and i dont really have strong chiseled features either. like i know im prob being oversensitive/too competitive but idk it just made me uncomfortable

and then when i told him all my faves it was different bc he did have a lot in common w all the guys i mentioned. he was like “im noticing a pattern here” and hes right, like if i did have a “”type” he would probably be it. i personally dont like talking about hot guys w any guy im currently with bc for me its like if the guy im with is all heart eyes emoji about another guys looks then obv im gonna look at this guy and compare myself to him which is not something i want to do since most of the time the other guys have me beat. so i dont bring up guys i find hot for the same reason bc i wouldnt want the guy im with to feel insecure or inadequate or contribute to a negative body image or something. i know not all people think like this and lots of people are perfectly fine w admiring other guys w their s/o but for me its just not something i like to do

so that was the worst part. it made me feel kinda empty the next day (in the moment it wasnt as bad, it was uncomfortable but it wasnt until later that i realized that i really did not look like these guys at all). actually i think this convo happened before the childhood convo. but anyways after all those convos that is when we fooled around

so this time it was fun! first he had me teasing his hole w my dick. its mildy pleasant to me but he like loves it lol. then he did the same to me but his dick was like lubed up from when i was jerking him off beforehand and it really felt like his dick was THIS close to slipping into my hole omg i was nervous i was like if he moves his hips slightly too much im literally gonna lose my virginity LMAO but it was still fun! he ended up cumming on my hole which i honestly didnt mind bc it was easier to clean since its less surface area than say my stomach or something

then i jerked myself off while he kissed me and played w my nipples and stuff since thats still my preferred way to cum. it was nice and then we showered together afterwards. and i forgot to mention it but a few dates ago we showered together for the first time which was super fun!! that time i sucked/jerked him off in the shower until he came. this time we had already cum so we just cleaned ourselves 

then we went to sleep. we woke up and got ready and i got to see him eat breakfast! he had cereal and he looked soooooooo cute omg and then we left his apartment together, then parted ways bc i had to go to my car and he was going to the bus stop down the street. he left bc he is visiting his family back home bc he needs to get some documents to do something for fafsa and he wont be back until wednesday. and i leave on thursday so rip we just have one more chance to see each other 

so that was that! also on the date before that we played this really fun game together called lovers in a dangerous spacetime and i had so much fun! omg we were such gaymers

so yeah thats it! one more date before we have to be apart for a month. im really sad about it actually like ive been getting really emotional over it. like im gonna miss him but also hes kinda going through a difficult time in his life right now and it makes me feel really bad that i wont be able to be there for him in person when he needs me. and ofc im still worried he might meet someone else, like a month is a long time so its v possible for him to forget/lose interest and try to find a new man instead. and these gay apps are location based obv so he could be reinstalling grindr or something and i would have no idea since im so many miles away!!! i doubt he would but again i didnt think caleb would do that either and i was wrong on that so im not trusting my own judgment anymore

im gonna try to enjoy greece but im gonna miss him a LOT and i just hope hes able to hold himself together while im gone since i wont be here to comfort him since im gonna be on another continent. if he does meet someone else im gonna be really sad about it but i am gonna try to be optimistic about it and ill still be able to text him like every day so its gonna suck but it could be worse i guess

[lukaswrites]

character headcanons: benjamin westwood

( @maurawrites )

can they use chopsticks ben can definitely not use chopsticks. he never had the patience to learn it, but he tried. it just took too long to both eat and learn how to use them properly.

what do they do when they cant sleep go crazy. no but for real, he’s so restless so he’d probably walk around for a little while, get a glass of water, maybe watch some tv... then try to go back to sleep again.

what would they impulse buy at the grocery store aaall the veggies, man. “i’m gonna make this awesome and exciting smoothie!!1″ .... no. ends up having to toss so much and he doesn’t even know the name of everything he’s buying. 

what order do they wash things in the shower hair first with shampoo and often conditioner, then his arms, shoulders, tummy, legs and ends the shower with washing his peen.

what’s their coffee order regular black, but he doesn’t drink much coffee, so smoothies mostly.

what sort of apps would they have on their smartphone instagram, an app for food recipes for suRE, facebook, messenger, twitter, youtube, snapchat, tinder, grindr except he deletes it so often then reinstalls it and deletes it again. he’s also got netflix and spotify for sure, some health tracker thing and some games.

how do they act around children as of right now i do not think he enjoys being around kids?? he doesn’t know how to talk to them and they’re so small and probably has life figured out better than he has.

what would they watch on tv when they’re bored and nothing they really like is on unless there’s ANY sports show or cooking show to watch, he’ll end up with any stupid brain dead soap series. but will quickly switch once someone else gets home.

[surprisebitch]

not me reinstalling grindr and already getting messages asking to have sex fjdjdj im so over it though

made a hinged and tinder too uuh i dont think i'll open any of these apps but might as well put myself out there 😂