#so… I guess it’s never been clearer what I have to do. my fate is in my own hands. one trigger less certainly wouldn’t hurt

[elodieunderglass]

Having dug out the Unfinished Tales to reference a conversation Tolkien wrote between Gandalf and Pippin (but didn’t publish) I thought I’d share it. Gandalf is talking to Pippin about the history of Thorin’s company, hobbits and why he chose Bilbo.

This is evidence for the grand statement I just made about how Bilbo was intended to be a catalyst that changed his society, and that hobbit society was indeed significantly different after his journey, with large social changes occurring between The Hobbit and Fellowship. But it’s also a very funny passage to me so here it is:

‘And then there was the Shire-folk. I began to have a warm place in my heart for them in the Long Winter, which none of you can remember.

They were very hard put to it then: one of the worst pinches they have been in, dying of cold, and starving in the dreadful dearth that followed. But that was the time to see their courage, and their pity one for another. It was by their pity as much as by their tough uncomplaining courage that they survived. I wanted them still to survive.

(😭😭😭😭. Also the theme of having pity for each other is what redeems both Bilbo and Frodo re: Gollum.)

But I saw that the Westlands were in for another very bad time again, sooner or later, though of quite a different sort: pitiless war.

(This is possibly one reason why this passage didn’t make it to publication - Gandalf shouldn’t have had this much foreknowledge of the upcoming war of the ring.)

To come through that I thought they would need something more than they now had. It is not easy to say what. Well, they would want to know a bit more, understand a bit clearer what it was all about, and where they stood.

(It’s also explaining that Bilbo’s role in Thorin’s company was predetermined both by a more omnipotent Gandalf and by Fate; that Gandalf selected Bilbo to be a social catalyst, to return and provoke hobbit society into a more adaptable, resilient state; therefore increasing their chances of surviving.)

They had begun to forget: forget their own beginnings and legends, forget what little they had known about the greatness of the world. It was not yet gone, but it was getting buried: the memory of the high and the perilous. But you cannot teach that sort of thing to a whole people quickly. There was not time.

(Thus Bilbo was supposed to be changed, and return changed by his journey, to teach his people.)

And anyway you must begin at some point, with some one person. I dare say he was “chosen” and I was only chosen to choose him; but I picked out Bilbo.’

‘Now that is just what I want to know,’ said Peregrin. ‘Why did you do that?’

‘How would you select any one Hobbit for such a purpose?’ said Gandalf. ‘I had not time to sort them all out;

(He is SO funny)

but I knew the Shire very well by that time, although when I met Thorin I had been away for more than twenty years on less pleasant business. So naturally thinking over the Hobbits that I knew, I said to myself: “I want a dash of the Took” (but not too much, Master Peregrin)

(This is brilliant we are always BODYING pippin constantly. NOT TOO MUCH TOOK 👀. We were ROBBED not having this in canon )

“and I want a good foundation of the stolider sort, a Baggins perhaps.” That pointed at once to Bilbo.

(Eugenics! Observing them like laboratory mouse lines! Call him a Charles River BILB/o the way you’re genotyping these poor little bastards for your purposes)

And I had known him once very well, almost up to his coming of age, better than he knew me.

(??? Hiding in the bushes spying or…?)

I liked him then. And now I found that he was “unattached” – to jump on again, for of course I did not know all this until I went back to the Shire. I learned that he had never married. I thought that odd, though I guessed why it was; and the reason that I guessed was not the one that most of the Hobbits gave me: that he had early been left very well off and his own master.

(Was it cos he’s gay as fuck, Gandalf)

No, I guessed that he wanted to remain “unattached” for some reason deep down which he did not understand himself – or would not acknowledge, for it alarmed him.

(I 100% now and for always love a narrator in a constant state of Just Fucking Lies To Everyone All The Time, Giving Us Nothing, Acknowledging Nothing Including Himself. NOPE NOT PROCESSING ANYTHING TODAY THANKS. WE’RE CLOSED. COME BACK TOMORROW. just A Massive Liar about everything and for what!!! Bilbo Baggins my beloved you were born wrong.)

He wanted, all the same, to be free to go when the chance came, or he had made up his courage. I remembered how he used to pester me with questions when he was a youngster about the Hobbits that had occasionally “gone off ”, as they said in the Shire. There were at least two of his uncles on the Took side that had done so.’

You can see why I love this! And I can see why Tolkien didn’t include it, too. Still very fun passage and near enough to canon to be used if you ever want to.

[l0ngschl0ngking]

Not the person I once knew

Joel Miller x f!reader

summary: past lovers reunite after many years…and then what?

warnings: SMUT (vaginal fingering, oral-m!receiving, protected p in v -i know, shocker-, biting, choking, overstimulation al liiil’ possesive!Joel -just a smudge-), ANGST, mentions of death and shootings, thoughts and mentions of suicide, cursing, Joel and reader being two idiots that cannot express how they feel and…fluff because I can’t help myself

word count: 10k ( yeah the zero is supposed to be there)

A/N: I am too jumping on the Joel Miller train. This fic actually has plot and it’s not just a straight up porn which is shocking :D. Also I am actually crazy - I have a week off from school and that’s why I write that much. I can’t stop - literally.

Your feet were aching – you've had to walk at least 20 or so kilometers by now – and the cold was biting your skin most unpleasantly – finding a good winter coat or any kind of winter clothes was not easy in this fucking Outbreak. You started to feel thirsty and tired and all you wanted to do was lie down and fall asleep – maybe death by cold wasn't the worst fate you could've endured.

Your mind quickly flashing to your group – you've killed most of them, the snarling of them still ringing in your ears, the smell of gunpowder lingering in your nose. You've done what you had to do – one of your guys got infected and infected almost all of the other ones – the ones that survived either left to fend for themselves which you thought was the stupidest thing ever or killed themselves – fucking cowards. Their blood stuck to you like a second skin – the smell of iron making you uneasy when you started to think about it. Maybe you should've killed yourself too. What was the point in surviving now, anyways? You didn't have a group anymore and you had no supplies anymore. Sure, you could eat the snow for water intake and try to hunt something – but you felt too exhausted for that. Your knees buckling – you fall into the cold snow – you hear something then. Voices, the sound of horses neighing and a…dog? Were you starting to hallucinate? You weren't though – the sounds getting louder and clearer – you quickly scramble to your feet and grab your pistol but you pale when you see how many of them are there – all of them looking more sure of themselves on their horses and with their guns raised on you. The dog barks at you, snapping and growling and you've never thought that you might die getting robbed and then mauled by a dog – though they did not look like raiders. Their clothes look clean and kind of new – compared to your worn and torn-off jacket at least.

Someone says something but you don't hear them – your gaze focused on the dog, your pistol pointing at the handler. You've always been a dog lover – before the Outbreak at least – but this didn't look like he wanted to be friends with you.

“Hey, I said drop your fucking gun or I'll shoot your head clean off!” One of them says – repeating himself – and you gulp dryly doing what he says – you were a fighter but also you weren't stupid. There were too many of them and even if you had good aim you wouldn't be able to shoot your way out of this. The guy who addressed you squints his eyes when you lower the gun to your feet – he gestures for you to kick it further and you reluctantly do so.

“Listen here, cowboy,” you sass when you see the cowboy hat on his head, “I was just passing by – my group is dead, they got infected and-” at your words everyone grips their guns a little tighter – the person holding the dog loosening the leash a little in his hands. “Whoa, whoa, I am not infected, I swear.” You sound desperate and you are – you probably should have blown your fucking head of yourself when you still had the chance.

“We will see about that.” One of them gruffs – you guess it's the one closest to you, the one on your right – and you have the urge to break his nose. Yeah, if you were in their position you wouldn't trust someone either but you are not – and you feel pretty fucking terrified – even after years of survival. “Release Buckley!” The first one – the one with that stupid cowboy hat – says and then you see the big ball of fur running towards you. Closing your eyes you pray that he can't smell any jerky on you – you know so he could nibble on your fingers a little and get a taste of you. The pain of teeth digging into you as you expected doesn't come and so you open one of your eyes – you see that the dog's tail is wagging and a grin slowly makes its way on your face. You slowly bend one of your knees - you are not getting any younger and pain shoots through your leg – but you ignore it and start petting Buckley. He's not that bad when he doesn't look like he wants to eat you alive.

A high-pitched whistle cuts through the air and then he is gone – heeling opposite to the person who previously handled him. They don't say anything more and start to slowly turn their horses on their heels when an idea comes to your mind – they look well-fed and clean, and you feel hungry enough that you would eat practically anything. The exhaustion creeps back up at you after the adrenaline wears off and you shout a quick “hey” - their heads turning in question. You offer them a little smile, kicking your feet into the snow and putting your gun back.

“You guys have a place for one more hungry stomach? I just want something to eat – maybe a few hours of sleep and then I'll be out of your hair. Pinky promise.” you grin and show off your pinky finger – you've always had a way of trying to make the situation lighter than it really was and now that you know they don't pose any tŕeal threat – for now at least – you get your hopes up. All of them share a quick look before the one with that stupid cowboy hat – who wears something like that in the middle of the winter – nods and your grin spreads wider. You grab one of the hands that reach towards you to pull you on a horse – and when you are finally on its back, you stroke its muscular thigh lightly. Maybe this day was not so bad after all.

When you arrive at Jackson it is almost noon. You raise both brows when you see the wooden heavy gait in front of you– the people patrolling their stations curiously looking back at you. When you asked them if you could come with them you didn't expect a whole fucking community of people in a small town with electricity and other necessities – your eyes wandering to the various small buildings that look like shops more so than something where you could take shelter. When you asked them if you could come with them you expected a flimsy building without windows in which you would hardly make a fire. You aren't surprised anymore why they acted so tough – families lived here, old couples and people of various ages. A small flicker of hope goes straight to your heart – maybe you could stay here – you were tired of fighting to live another day. And this looked like a great fucking place.

The guy that was riding with you dismounts the horse – helping you do the same and you pet the animal – thanking it quietly. People don't really look at you – at least not so openly as the ones that were taking patrol – they are doing their own things – some of them just crossing the street, others helping to build a new building – you wonder what that is going to be for – a group of kids runs right in front of you squeaking. They play and your heart aches – it's the first time you've seen kids be so carefree since the outbreak happened – it looked like their childhood was not ripped from them. One of the kids – a young girl no older than 6 – looks almost like Sarah – curly wild hair, big eyes and the cutest dimples you've seen adorn her face – and you feel a pang of hurt in your heart. Reaching for your necklace you squeeze the ring that is on it tightly in your palm – Joel and Sarah would love it here.

The man you've called cowboy asks you something and you turn to look at him – he's quite handsome but he is a lot younger than you for sure – he has this boyish innocence still written all over his face when you pin him with your stare. “Sorry, what did you say?”

“I will accompany you to the canteen. Tommy is already waiting there, a few men that were with us already informed him about your arrival.” He sounds formal. Too formal – as if his words were learned. Like a little boy scout you think. Images of Tommy Miller through your mind and you grin fondly at the memory of him – you could never imagine him being a leader of a community like this.

“Lead the way, cowboy.” You don't miss the way that the boy's ears gain a darker shade of red and so do his cheeks.

When he leads you to the canteen – you can't believe that they have a real freakin canteen here – you look around because you can't take it all in at once. Jackson looks like an old town from some kind of cowboy movie – maybe that's why the boy wears the stupid hat. A few people on the way politely greet you and you greet them back. When you arrive at the canteen the bo points to the man that has his back turned back on you and before you can thank him – has gone. The lights adorning the room are a nice touch – it looks old school here – old wooden chairs, and tables with plaid cloth scattered across the room, and you can see an old Coca-Cola freezer from the corner of your eye. Your steps are much lighter – even though you are still hungry and tired you're at least not cold anymore, the temperature here is not as cold as outside. The man that cowboy pointed at talks to someone – an older lady with a high-pitched voice with pretty blue eyes – and you wait before they end their conversation, standing to the side. The lady whispers something to him – you can see her lips moving but don't hear anything – and then the man turns and looks at you. If you have something in your hands right now you would for sure drop it.

Tommy fucking Miller was standing a few steps away from you. He looked older – of course – and his hair was a lot longer than you'd last seen him, the mustache he was sporting suited him. You saw the way he scrunched his brows together – as if trying to categorize you to one of his people – and then you saw the realization cross his eyes. His hands drop to his sides and when you whisper a hushed “Tommy ?” he was right in front of you – hugging you close to his body. The hug was desperate and you felt the tears you held back falling from your eyes – the palms of his hands soothingly caressing your back. After a few minutes or was it seconds he pulls away from you and you have so many questions but none of it comes out of your mouth – the lump in your throat not allowing you to. If he was here – alive and breathing – did it mean Sarah and Joel were here too? Or…No, you couldn't think that way. You had buried the memories of Millers a long time ago – but now, seeing Tommy here? He gave you hope.

“Wow-uh, I’d thought I’d never see you again, Doc.” The small nickname of endearment falling from his lips makes you sob and he softly grabs your elbow so you two could sit at the nearest table – a young woman quickly rushes to your side when Tommy gestures with his hand for her to come and he whispers something in her ear – just now you can see the few people scattered around staring at you curiously.

“Tommy-I-is-is Joel here too? And Sarah.” You grab the ring on your necklace tighter – you've been dreaming of this moment for too long – and he looks at your hand noticing the shiny thing attached to the chain on your neck. The engagement ring Joel proposed with.

“I-uh- I'll tell you everything but you need to eat first, Doc, alright?” You don't feel hungry anymore but you nod – noticing the look in Tommy's eyes makes you uneasy – but he offers you a smile and you offer one right back reaching for his hand – squeezing his hand in yours.

You sit and listen to Tommy talk – you aren't sure if minutes pass or hours – but your eyes nurn from all the crying and you feel your stomach drop with your heart multiple times during Tommy's story telling how he – they – come up here. How Joel was desperate to contact you – you were in Houston on a quick trip with your friends at the time, to look for the wedding dress – seems stupid when you think about it right now. How they killed Sarah – your sweet little Sarah, you thought of her as your own, you've lived with her for almost three years and that girl adored you and you adored her right back – you cannot imagine the pain Joel felt when she was killed right in his arms. Tommy tells you about Joel's suicide attempt too – how he didn't see any purpose in life when both his daughter and fiance were not around anymore, he didn't know if you were still alive. He tells you about his wife, how he got here – how he joined Fireflies for a while and you have the urge to punch him when he says that – you have a distaste for that motherfuckers. He tells you about Ellie – not much though – but enough to figure out Joel cares about that girl a whole lot. And most importantly he announces to you that both of them are here and you almost jump out of your chair to go and find him – but Tommy quickly grabs your elbow and stops you. He tells you about how Joel changed a lot – but so have you. When you tell him that he just shakes his head – you don't understand.

“Doc, I don't know how he will react seeing you after 20 years. He is not the person you once knew. I think you should sleep on it first.”

You want to protest but the sound of the door opening and the rushed call of “Tommy!” stops you. You look at who interrupted you and it's a girl close to Sarah's age. She has short brown hair tightened up in a ponytail and a pair of brown eyes. She has a scar across her brow and when she stops next to Tommy and mutters a quick fuck – you know it's Ellie. Joel's Ellie.

“I heard there's someone new in town and I was super curious – Joel told me to wait for him but then he started playing on his stupid guitar and-” he still plays on a guitar. That pulls a little smile on your face. The girl seems like she didn't even notice you and Tommy wants to open his mouth when Ellie seems finally acknowledges your presence.”Fuck, it's you. You're the new person.” Tommy scolds Ellie when she curses but you just grin at her attitude and seemingly “I want to know and also do know everything ” mindset.

“It's okay, Tommy. God knows I curse a lot too. Hi, Ellie.” She seems confused about how you know her name and you've missed talking to kids – God you have missed your job so much, after all, that's how you and Joel met. Sarah broke her leg and when the nurse told him you could finally see them he was more nervous than a mouse being chased by a cat. He was so worried about Sarah that he didn't even notice you ogled him after you were all done with Sarah – but of course, she did. She was a sweet kind and when they left she muttered to her father he should definitely ask you on a date – he just shook his head and told her not to be silly – you were too pretty for him. Turned out you lived close by and from their visit you've started seeing both Sarah and Joel a lot more outside your work. It was you who finally got the courage to ask the hot single dad out – you will never forget how he gaped at you seemingly not trusting his own voice to answer so Sarah quickly jabbed him in the ribs and said that: “he would very much like that” - he was talking her ear off about you even unknowingly so.

“Okay, how the fuck do you know my name and who are you because it seems you and Tommy are big buddies here. Just so you know he has a wife.” She says matter of factly and you think you like this kid a lot – you can see why Joel does too.

Tommy clears his throat. “Ellie, this is Doc.” He says and he doesn't even notices the fact he called you your nickname – you see the way Ellie's brows scrunch up in confusion. “She's a long lost…family.”

“What, are you like their sister? If so you for sure received all the pretty genes – though Joel never said anything about ever having a sister.” She's a lot more talkative than you thought she would be and you think it might be because she finally has a place that she can call home and not worry about stranger danger – at least not that much.

You chuckle. “No I am…” you look at Tommy to see if you can say who you are – though you don't know if Joel still thinks of you as his fiánce – after all, it's been 20 years. He just nods. “ I am Joel's fiánce” You can hear her gasp and say “holy shit!?” - most of the people in the canteen turn their heads to throw her a nasty look. Well, that much at being discreet

“You are Joel's dead fiánce? You don't seem that dead to me.” She mutters that last sentence as she starts inspecting your face and scrunches her nose at you. “You smell.” She states matter of factly and Tommy scolds her once again but you just shrug your shoulders at him.

“It's true, Tommy. No harm in being honest.” If Ellie knows about you it meant she must know about Sarah too and it also must mean Joel talked about you to her. That fact makes your heart build a little faster. Maybe…maybe he still cares about you – logically you know he does, he was a very loyal man back in the days too – but still, it makes your cheeks heat up.

“Joel will lose his mind! You have to see him like right now!” she sounds enthusiastic and you are too – seeing Joel after 20 years? You've been dreaming of this moment for so long…Tommy interrupts your little fantasy – clapping his hands he throws a look at Ellie and smiles at you.

“I think it's for the best if you showered first, Doc As Ellie said you don't smell so fresh and maybe a reunion with your husband would be a lot happier if you don't make his whole house stink, eh?” You regularly nod and when Tommy says you can shower at his Ellie says she will come with you – she asks you a lot of questions about yourself – where you grew up, what did you do before Outbreak, where did the nickname Doc come from – she says you are super cool when you answer her you were pediatrician before everything went to shit. She asks how you and Joel met and you answer her truthfully – you've never liked lying. Tommy just walks next to you and listens – you look at him from the corner of your eyes and see he is thinking – he always has this look on his face – his brows are scrunched and his lips are set in a thin line. Joel has that look too when he thinks about something or concentrates – it was your favorite quirk of his.

The walk is quick and you meet Mariah – she's sweet – she offers you clean clothes and when she closes the door behind you so you can take a shower – you exhale loudly. Knowing that Joel is here and that you will see him made your stomach twist in anticipation. Ellie hangs back downstairs with Mariah and Tommy and you can hear their hushed voices – you are pretty sure that they are talking about you. You want to quickly hop in the shower but when you do it's like heaven on earth – the first spray of hot water hits your sore muscles and you feel yourself start to relax. You haven't had a hot shower since the beginning of the outbreak and you missed it so badly. You try to scrub all of the grime and blood from your skin and hair but it seems like mission impossible and you stay in the shower for far longer than the 10 minutes you said. When you step out of the shower you look at yourself in the mirror – at your face and the bags under your eyes, at your body scattered with scars and the thought of Joel not liking what he will see quickly flashes through your mind but you push it away just as quickly as it came – this was a different world. You wrap the fluffy towel around yourself and sigh in bliss. The clothes Mariah gave you fit you and maybe it's that much of your style – but they are clean and smell like they were just pulled fresh out of the washing machine. When you come down quickly the banter stops between the three of them and you can hear Ellie say that “great, you finally don't look like shit”. She grabs you by the arm and leaves the house – dragging you through the streets of Jackson. She walks quickly for someone so small and you try to keep up with her – the new winter coat you wear is flowing behind you with the speed you are walking.

When you arrive at the house Joel and Ellie live you try to catch your breath muttering that you are not as young as you used to be – Ellie just rolls her eyes and steps on the porch which creaks under her footsteps. You like the house – at least from the outside – you imagined something like that when you planned to move with Sarah and Joel after you two marry.

“So, we are here. Take off your boots when you come in – Joel hates cleaning up the snow I leave behind when I come in and walk in boots through the house.” You nod but then she is pushing you in and you throw her a scared look.

“You are not coming with me?” You hiss and she just shakes her head as if it was the stupidest thing she has ever heard.

“No. Enjoy your time together. I don't want to hear you two fucking.” And then she shuts the doors behind you with a force you didn't even know a little kid could possess. Right after she do you hear a gruffed “Ellie I told you to wait for me we talked about -” he stops mid-sentence and you feel like all of the air in your lungs leaves your body when comes into the view, He looks older – but somehow more handsome then you've last seen him. The grey in his hair suits him, and the patches in his beard are now more prominent than they were before. He looks good – more than good. You don't know what to do or say. The two of you just keep staring at each other – he looks you up and down and you see his breath becoming quicker. You're the first one to break the silence.

“Hi, Joel. Long time no see.” You laugh quietly and the tears in your eyes leave your vision blurred. You're the one who moves first too and you hug him tightly – he changed over the years, he's softer and he doesn't smell like he did back in the days – but there's something about his presence that feels entirely like Joel and you grab onto his plaid shirt – squeezing it in your fists. You don't want to pull away – you never want to leave him again but when you feel him not responding to the hug you slowly pull away and look into his eyes. He's scanning your face and now you see tears in his eyes as well. The weight of his calloused hands is more than welcome and you close your eyes when you feel his thumbs slowly stroke your cheeks. The small escapes your throat and you nod when he quietly – oh, so quietly murmurs - “you are alive.”. You stay like that for a while – both of you don't dare to move in case this was all just a dream. You want to hug him again – to feel him against you but when you try to pull him closer to you he unexpectedly quickly pulls you away. You look at him confused and he wipes his tears away – he doesn't know how to act around you. It's been too long. He buried the memories of you and never wanted them to resurface. The knowledge that you are alive and here right in front of him hits him like a fright train. It scares the fucking shit out of him.

He clears his throat and avoids your gaze when he asks you if you want to sit – you agree hastily - you didn't take off your boots like Ellie said and you contemplate for a flash of a second that maybe you should - when you see the change in his stance and attitude. He's trying to distance himself from you and you don't understand why – wasn't he glad you were here?

You look around the living room. It's spacey and you hate that small painting of deer above the fireplace. You quickly scan the bookshelf and figure most of the books are Ellies. When you sit on the worn-off couch you expect that Joel will sit next to you – but he moves across the room and keeps standing. You are confused and you don't understand – you never expected your reunion to go this way. It stays quiet and you break the silence once again – he never was much of a talker anyway- you and Sarah kept the house full of laughter and it was never quiet thanks to both of you – and he never thought he would miss it that much.

“I met Ellie. She actually dragged me here.” You chuckle but he doesn't respond – this was such a bad idea. He tears your heart apart with his stoic stance and silence and doesn't even know it. But he can't bring himself to speak or move – he worries if he does you will disappear.

“Okay, I guess I will go.” He wants to tell you to stay here with him. But alas nothing comes out of his mouth – though when he sees the ring on your neck he gasps and you throw him a questioning look.

“You-you kept it after all these years.” You are confused but when you see where his gaze is trained you look at your engagement ring and smile. “Yeah, I-uh, I've never stopped thinking about you or Sarah you know.” He sharply inhales, he wants to tell you so much. “And every time I look at it I hear her annoyed voice scolding you on how you proposed.” You snort and he grins softly remembering your light laughter and Sarah's huffing on how un-romantic he was.

“Babe just another five minutes, please.” You grumble and feel him smile against your skin – his patchy beard scratching your neck. His hands squeeze your hips and your breath hitches when you feel his tongue flatten against your pulse point. He hums against your skin and nips at your skin – you try to push him away but he just grins wider and hovers above you.

“You know you said that six times now come on, want to take you somewhere nice. Promise I will make it worth it.” He wiggles his eyebrows and you giggle at his antics – he was the one who slept in most of the time – but on days like this – where you feel exhausted from the previous night's session of amazing sex – you feel like you could sleep till afternoon. You slowly kiss the bald spot on his beard and one of your hands sneaks to the band of boxers – he grabs your hand quickly and shakes his head at you.

“Na-ah, won't work on me this time, sweetheart. You can't seduce me.” You just hum and kiss the spot between his shoulder blade and neck – gently scraping your hand through his already tousled hair. His eyes flutter close for a moment and it's now your turn to grin against his skin. You know you won.

“Mmm, I don't know but you left your girlfriend pretty unsatisfied last night.” You try to push the smile off your face when he quickly opens his eyes at your words – you know he never backs down from a challenge.

“Oh?” You hum and finally cup his semi-hard cock in your hand. He grunts and you smile, biting your lip when he slowly puts his fingers inside your panties. “So wet for me already baby, was three orgasms last night not enough for you, mhm?” He asks when he pushes two fingers inside of you and you gasp – arching your back and he squeezes one of your breasts – his now hard cock strains against his boxers.

“How do you know I-oh fuck. Didn't fake it?” you grit out when his fingers brush against the spongy spot inside of you – his thumb drawing circles on your clit leisurely. His eyes darken at your question and he hooks the two of his fingers inside of you – it feels too good and all you can do is just moan in pure bliss.

“Oh, believe me, sweetheart, I know. This sweet pussy grips me like a vice when you cum. Guess I need to remind you.” The other hand that was squeezing your tit now goes higher and he strokes your jaw – you grant his access to your mouth and he growls when you bite on his lower lip and your go to the back of your head when he speeds his hand – his tongue sliding into your mouth and when he pulls away you kiss the underside of his jaw.

“Guess you do.” he mumbles something alongside “such a smart mouth” before his hands grab you around your throat and put small pressure on it – you shudder and he just hums when he feels you close. “Gonna cum for me, won't you?” You just nod and when you finally do cum – you bite his shoulder, your nails scraping across his back. He pulls his fingers out of you and sticks them in your mouth – you hum around them and push him so he is the one laying on his back.

“I have to return the favor.” You throw him a cheeky look and he just mutters an “oh god” when you pull him out of his boxers – the tip already red and sensitive, leaking precum out of it. "Guess I will have my breakfast early."

An hour later Sarah is already up and grins at you. You bid her a good morning – you try to look presentable – you've already brushed your teeth, changed and you smile at her when you see that she made pancakes.

“Sooo, do you like the ring?” she asks and you stop pouring coffee into Joel's mug. He throws Sarah a quick look of “don't say another word, please” but she ignores him. “You know, the one dad proposed with?” your go slack-jawed and look at Joel who quickly scrambles to his feet from the chair and pulls you to him.

“What is she talking about, Joel? You ask and he uncertainly smiles and bends one knee – you see the little black velvet box and when he opens it you gasp – the ring inside of it is beautiful – simple and elegant and tears well up in your eyes.

“Oh my god, dad. You said you would propose before the sunset.” Joel shrugs his shoulders and keeps his gaze trained on you.

“That was the plan but were… preoccupied.” He grins at the last word and Sarah mutters a quick “gross” but starts looking for that old stupid camera to make wvideo of the proposal– hoping you would say yes. She thought of you almost like a mother and when Joel told her he wanted to marry you she squealed in delight.

“So whad’ya say, sweetheart? Will you marry me? Even though I am proposing in our kitchen and with my pajamas on.” You nod and he lets out a breath of relief – when he stands up you kiss him passionately.

“You won't get rid of me now that easily, Texas.” You whisper against his lips as he wipes your tears away.

“And I wouldn't have it any other way.” You couldn't wait for the new chapter of your life with Joel and Sarah by your side

Joel stays quiet for a long time after your confession and he almost misses you leaving – but he registers the door shutting softly. He falls onto the floor – putting his hand on his heart which seems like it will fall out of his chest any moment- his breath is quick and he can't seem to calm himself down. His ears are ringing and he registers the flow of tears after they fall on his cheeks and into his mouth – the salty flavor of them sits heavy in his mouth – and he wishes he could be man enough and run after you. But he doesn't – he stays sitting up on his living room floor the face of you haunting his mind alongside with the old memories

Tommy was right. Your fiánce was not the person you once knew. Joel seems to be avoiding you because you've been in Jackson for a week now and didn't see him at all. Not that you minded after seeing his enthusiasm – or rather lack of – at seeing you. You try to not think about it that much and throughout the day you occupy yourself – at night you cry a lot – Mariah always comes to your room and shushes you to sleep or if you are talkative that night she lets you talk. It's like having a girls' night but more…depressing. The people in Jackson are nice and you try to help everywhere you can. Whether it be with kids or at the canteen. Helping with sheep or horses – you often go and visit Buckley – he soothes your ongoing nerves. Joel will have to come out of hiding one day. And you are not ready for that. On the other side Ellie seems to hang with you a lot – the day after your meeting with Joel she almost tackled you to the ground when she forcefully asked what did you do to Joel – you have to give it to her, that girl got spirit and an undying loyal heart like the man she is living with. After trying to explain it to her –it was very hard because she thinks Joel can do no wrong really – and you are not saying he did, she gave in pretty easily and started hanging out with you.

You are staying at Tommy for a while – at least before you decide if you will leave which is very unlikely or they will try to find you another accommodation. She comes there every afternoon and brings her science books – you found an anatomical book in the library one day and kept it with you – and you try and teach her the various Latin words or show her where is what on her body – three days ago you two drew a life-sized human and marked bones on it and such. You've met other people too and learned that the shy cowboy's name was Henry – he asked you out and you admired him for his braveness but you told him you are probably closer to his mother's age than to be his girlfriend.

Tommy went and tried talking to Joel too but you both know how stubborn he can be and when you asked him how did it go he just shook his head low and offered you a sad smile. Today you wanted to help an old lady, Mrs.Grempinks - or something like that – with knitting. Her hands were shaking the past few days and she felt sad – you offered her help and she accepted – she doesn't need to know you do not know how to knit at all. At least it will maybe make her feel better that she is not the only one in the room with poor knitting skills. On the way to her, you come across Ellie and she lets out a relieved sigh when she spots you.

“Here you are I've been looking everywhere for you.” she empathizes the word everywhere and starts dragging you with her – where you aren't sure.

“Hey, Ellie. Slow down. Ellie!” you shriek when you figure out where exactly she is dragging you – to her – Joel's- house and you burrow your heels into the snow-covered ground.

“Joel isn't home and I want to show you something really cool – I've been working on it for the past couple of days after you borrowed me your anatomy book.” You want to protest and you turn around in the direction of Mrs. Grempkin's house but you don't have the heart to tell Ellie that you don't have time and Joel is not home and you would leave soon enough anyways – she will just show you her little project and then it's gonna be as if you never even put your foot in the house again. When she pulls you inside she again quickly closes the door behind you and dread overcomes you – oh no she didn't – she shows you the two keys in her hand and you know the other one is Joels. She locked you out.

“I am sorry but both of you are miserable and you have to talk it out!” There is nothing to talk about with Joel – he doesn't need your presence near him, it's been clear and you mouth a quiet “please, Ellie, don't do this” while you jumble with the handle. It's no use and you sigh thumping your forehead against the door. You quietly take your boots off this time and start looking around the house – looking for Joel to tell him what just happened.

You find him in his workshop – it's nice and you stay in the doorway while looking around. You see the various little wooden figures and you find it cute that he found something he can get lost in. The various guitars on the wall peak your interest – you've always loved when he played and his back is still turned on you while he focuses on his woodwork – you enter the room slowly and when you touch one of his guitars a low “hi” echoes throughout the room. His back is turned still but his hands stopped moving and he is sitting still.

“Didn't know you could hear me.” You say and he chuckles lowly.

“I'd be dead by now if I didn't hear someone sneaking up on me.” He says and you hum acknowledgment – when he finally turns to look at you your breath hitched because he is so effortlessly handsome it hurts. You cross your arms around your chest.

“I wasn't sneaking up on you.”

“Sure you weren't.” He throws you a grin and it's different than the last time you talked – or didn't really – to him. He is more relaxed and he actually looks like he doesn't mind seeing you in his house. It's quiet for a while but not that uncomfortable silence that suffocates. You look at one another and you take him all in – his aquiline nose and his full lower lip, his brown eyes and you look at the dip of his neck – licking your lips. It's suddenly too hot in here with the way his gaze burns into you.

“I am sorry.” He offers and you don't understand what for – or you do – you just want him to expand that sentence because you felt like a fool the last time you were here. “I am sorry for the way I reacted but I never thought I'd see you again and when you just appeared in my house I was overwhelmed with emotions I didn't know I could still feel. After Sarah died I-” He chokes and you are in front of him in a blink of a second – cupping his cheeks and he closes his eyes bathing in your gentle touch which he doesn't deserve - or at least he thinks so

“You don't have to tell me anything. Tommy told me and I-I am sorry what happened to Sarah. And everything you've been through, Joel.” You say and he opens his eyes and shakes his head – none of what happened was your fault and you shouldn't be sorry. He was glad you weren't with him when all of it went to shit because you'd probably be here by now. It's easy to be this intimate with him and you bask in the way he lets you touch – you expect him to pull away like last time – but he doesn't. Instead, he brings his lips closer to yours and searches for your gaze which drops when he licks his lower lip.

“I want to kiss you, sweetheart,” he murmurs and your lips are almost – almost touching when he says so. His forehead is pressed up against yours and your hands that were previously holding his face now move behind his neck – your nails scratch the spot behind his ear gently and he closes his eyes – whether in pure bliss or to hold himself back you don't know – though if its the latter you don't want that. “Need to kiss you,” he adds. You just nod your head in agreement – you wanted nothing more than to kiss him the last time you saw him.

“What are you waiting on then, Texas?” You tease and you feel him smile into the kiss – it's just a gentle press of lips – as if he was testing the waters. One of his hands grabs your hip – squeezing it – and the other moves behind your head and pushes you closer – he needs you closer. The wet press of his lips is more urgent now and his tongue licks your lower lip. You grant him access into your mouth and then the kiss becomes more urgent, more passionate, more desperate – Joel was always a good kisser and you always enjoyed just making out with him late at night to some bad movie that was on the TV. The hand on your hip moves lower and he cups your ass – you moan into his mouth and he hums, the other hand now stroking the hinge of your jaw. Your hands scratch his scalp and he almost but purrs – pulling away from you he plants butterfly kisses across your face.

“Bedroom?” The question seems silly – you need him and if you'd be any younger you'd jump his bones right here on the floor. But you are not so you nod and he pecks your lips quickly before he grabs your hand – squeezing your fingers in his – and leads you to his bedroom. When you enter it he closes the door more forcefully than needed and before you have time to look around he is pushing you onto the bed – your back hits the mattress and he grins – he hasn't seen this sight in over 20 years and he is enjoying every second of it. You sit up and pull him by the collar of his shirt. He is quick with it – his mouth on yours again and his hands start exploring your body – they go from your thighs up to your tummy and then higher – he squeezes your tits – you moan and his hands move higher cupping your cheeks tenderly. He pulls away and moves your hair out of your face.

“Need you so badly.” He pants – and you feel just the same. You feel him start undressing you but you want to make this last as long as possible. You push him away and he seems confused before you are pushing him on his back – your sit on his lap and you feel how hard he is under his jeans – you test the waters and grind down on him – your hands on his chest and he really wants to keep his eyes open but the feel of you on him makes him feel like he's fuckin teenager again that will bust his load into his pants any second. “Fuck, gonna make me cum before the real fun even begins and I am not young as I used to be. If that happens I will have to eat you out at least three times.” You grin and bend down to kiss his neck – your tongue leaving hot trails in its wake. He sits up with you and his hands fly to your lower back to support you. He surges forward – his tongue exploring your mouth, mapping your teeth with it and when you feel his hands trying to take your shirt off – you tug him by the hair roughly – his hips bucking up to meet yours as he moans your name brokenly.

“Slow down, baby. Want to appreciate you.” You push his chest so he will be laying again – he wants to protest but you put one of your fingers to his lips. The look he gives you is downright sinful before he is sucking it into his mouth – his teeth nipping it and you can't look away from his advances. His tongue peaks out and you feel the way he swirls it around your digit just like used to when he ate you out. You moan brokenly and put another one there and he bites into them softly. The small butterfly kisses you leave on his scar from his suicide attempt makes him drop your fingers from his mouth as he groans loudly – he feels so fucking appreciated and loved at this moment that it makes his head dizzy. “Need to see you, baby. Sit up.” He does and you unbutton his shirt slowly one by one while he kisses your jaw and your neck – sucking at it once in a while his tongue flattens out against your pulse point where he leaves a mark.

“Fuck, want you to take your shirt off too.” You don't have time to comply before he is pulling it over your head and you are not wearing any bra – the one Mariah gave you did not fit you – and he immediately reaches for them. He pinches one of your nipples while he sucks on your other one and you throw your head back – it always felt this good with him. Sex with him was easy and he was a generous lover. The only man that had ever made you cum. When pulls away he frowns when he sees the deep red scar close to your heart.

“Someone stabbed me but as you can see I am alive and well. Don't worry about it, We all have our own scars.” Your thumb slides across the one next to his temple and he nods – he is angry at himself though. Maybe if he was with you it wouldn't happen. Maybe if he'd try to look for you harder. Maybe…”Hey, Joel. You still with me?” You stroke his bicep and he nods before you peck him gently. “Strip out of these, will you? Want to suck your dick.” You pat his jeans-clad thigh and his jaw rocks forward. You sit on the bed and he makes quick work of his jeans and his boxer – his cock is bobbing with need and you open your mouth awaiting.

The first lick sends him into overdrive and he grips your hair and tries telling you to take him deeper – just a little bit deeper. You drool and the spit starts to cover his balls – it's messy and the sounds he makes sound like straight up from porn. His head is thrown back and he gets lost in the feel of you – your mouth – and he can't believe you are here with him. He feels his balls pull up tighter and he pulls it out quickly before he is bending down to kiss you – he doesn't register the surprised sound you make when he pushes his tongue almost all the way back down your throat.

You taste like him because you are his, his, his and the growing need he has for you makes him almost rip your new pants before he is working his fingers inside of you – the familiar wetness and tightness make him feel like he is 30 again – and you cry out. He drills into you and snarls when your nails dig into his forearm, his nose bumps against yours and he wants to kiss you but he concentrates on making you cum because he wants to be inside of you. To mark you as his. His to kiss and hiss to make you cum and his to love and his, his, his. He searches for that spot and his other hand sneaks onto your inner thigh – when he finds it – he can hear it from the high-pitched moan that you let out. He smacks you onto your inner thigh and you jump forward and try to get away from him. It's too much – his fingers, his groans and talks and his tongue that find its way into your mouth. He's too much and he can feel you are almost there – almost. He grabs your throat and his eyes watch your Adam's apple bob – his thumb putting slight pressure on it. The squelching sounds of your pussy make him double his efforts and he can feel you getting closer and closer with every pass of his fingers through your walls – your pleas echoing through the room. He knows you need more and he grins menacingly when he sees how your pussy glistens with your juices and soak his hand.

“Fuck, sweetheart look at you. Soaking me. You want to cum?” He knows you do and he is downright cruel when he slows down and you sob because you want to cum – you nod and he is not happy with that – swatting you against your inner thigh once again before repeating that question.

“Yes, yes, Joel! I want to cum, please make me cum!” You feel on a verge of tears and he kisses you softly before he continues his previous efforts – his thumb now circling your clit and it's the additional stimulation you needed. He curses when he feels you squeeing him and he works you through it – your vision goes white and all you can think about is Joel and how good he is – before you come back down and he is still working his way inside of you and suddenly its too much – you try to push him away but the hand on your thigh just grips you harder – the blunt nails of his digging into your thigh.

“Please, Joel, Too much, it's too much!” You cry out but it's like he can't hear you and he bites your lower lip, his fingers never stopping and you can feel him pulling another orgasm out of you – you can feel him grin against your mouth and murmuring “that's it, such a good girl for me, sweetheart” before you are cuming again. Your legs shake and the moans you let out die down when he puts his coated fingers of your cum in your mouth. Your eyes roll to the back of your head – he is kissing you and then telling you to “share with him” and it's so fucking nasty – a string of saliva connecting you both before he is wiping his mouth. You are sedated and when he reaches for something in his bedside table you don't really care. The sound of foil tearing makes you open your eyes and you see how he pulls the condom on his dick before he is crawling to you.

“Come on, sweetheart. You gonna ride me.” He says and you don't feel like you have that much of a choice – he is pulling you on top of him and before you know it he notches the head of his dick between your folds. You grab the base of him and slowly sink down on him – you forgot how fucking thick and big he was and you need a moment before you start moving. Your muscles are sore and your throat is dried up from all the moaning and screaming but when you look down to see Joel's blissed-out expression – you start to move slowly. He lets you ride him at your own pace – you are the one in control now and he's here only for the right. He strokes his thumbs o your sides and then opens his eyes he feels like he will come right there and then. Your tits bounce with every pass of his cock against your walls and the way your head is thrown back and your throat on full display – his fingers twitch as he has the urge to bring you by your throat and kiss you.

The leisurely pace only lasts for a while before you can feel another orgasm build inside of you – the hair on the base of his cock scratch your clit deliciously. You dig your nails into his shoulders – one of your hands grabbing his jaw when you kiss him – he lets you and his hands move from your hips to your ass – squeezing the flash in his palms. You moan when you feel one of his hands sneak toward your clit but you push him away – breaking from the kiss.

“I am the one that is now in control, Texas.” The smirk you give him makes his cock twitch and he nods – his Adam's apple bobbing when he gulps and you til his chin up as you sink your teeth gently into it. He holds onto you tighter – your pace unfaltering and he wants to cum – needs to – but not before you. His heels dig into the mattress and you pull back to stop moving as your hips start to sway in a figure of eight. It does nothing for him and he whines – whines – in protest. You tell him to “shut up” because you are so so fucking close and that's when he grits his teeth together – his patience runs thin. His hands grab the chain with his ring on it – the only thing you are wearing – and he pulls you towards him by it. The look you throw him is absolutely wrecked and when you are close to his mouth – you need to kiss him, want to taste him – he pulls his head away from you to put the ring between his teeth. That alone almost makes you cum and you can't look away from him – even when he grabs you by the flash of your ass – and start sinking you down on him. You are completely mesmerized by the ring in his mouth and before you know it you are cuming – he slaps your ass when you do and you jolt forward – the ring falling from his mouth when he tangles his tongue with yours.

He fucks you through it and he sits up – his heels planting into the mattress so he can chase his own orgasm – he puts the ring into your mouth now and if he could he would take a picture of you like this – his ring between your teeth while he fucks you silly and your gorgeous body putty in his hands. His balls slap against the meat of your thighs and he puts his forehead on your chest – you can feel the small droplets of his sweat roll down his forehead. He pants and you know he is close – his pace now frantic as he kisses your chest. His lips make their way to your throat and every pass of his cock makes your walls twitch. You feel every vein of his and the head of him pushes against your g-spot. You start meeting his thrusts – pulling him closer to your neck as the only thing he can now do is groan and whine. He can feel your quick pulse and the way your fingers tangle in his locks as you tug him by it – you are overstimulated but he doesn't want this to stop. Never wants this to stop.

“Come on, baby. Want you to cum in me,” You whine and he shakes his head – he doesn’t want to, he doesn't, he doesn't…and then he is cumming as he empties his seed into the condom. He thrusts up at you a few times as he pushes himself through the afer shocks – you can feel him twitch in you before his body goes limp and you fall on him. He strokes your shoulder blades and you listen to his slowing heartbeat – your fingers drawing little hearts on his chest. He slowly pulls out of you and grips the condom by the base of it to tie it off and he throws it into the trash can next to his bed. He pulls you closer to him and you hum – slowly drifting off to sleep exhausted and worn out.

“Love you, Joel.” You say against his neck when you kiss him there and his heart swells up at your confession. He unclasps the chain from your neck and pulls the ring on your finger as he admires it.

“Love you too, baby.” You almost don't hear him when he whispers it against your lips – but you don't need him to say it – after all Joel is a man of actions and not words. And you are perfectly fine with that.

[lightlycareless]

Do you think at any point in Naoya’s life that he was ticklish and do you think that as an adult he might still be ticklish? Lately, I’ve been thinking about how if Naoya maybe had one part of his body that was still pretty ticklish that he tries to keep quiet about since he doesn’t wanna embarrass himself until somehow Y/N finds out 🤭

Heya!!

Aww, this was unbearably fluffy cute ngl. Anything that has Naoya acting like an actual, dorkish human is enough to have my heart all ajghajksgha uwu. Hope you enjoy this small thing I wrote!

warnings: fluff. mentions of pregnancy. .....pee I guess. hahahahahaha it's meant to be cute, everyday pregnancy things I swear lmao. a bit of highschool au.

happy reading!!

Ticklish Naoya is one of those things that no one ever saw happening mainly because… well, it’s not like anyone is testing it out to see if it’s true, you know?

No one had it in their minds to approach the heir, place their hands on his sides and tickle him to see if he’d have some kind of reaction.

No one, except that is, you.

It was a silly bet, whether ignited by your curiosity or perhaps your need to be unnecessarily close to him, either way, you’d find yourself in that exact situation one fateful afternoon, under the pretense of wanting to get some hands-on training experience with the only other excellent sorcerer you trusted!

And of course, having a small crush on you as well but yet to confess it, Naoya didn’t deny the opportunity, completely unaware of your ulterior motivations, until it was too late.

“You said you wanted to… test your accuracy?”

“Mmhmm.” You innocently nod. “I’ve been having issues with my aim as of lately, maybe I need to be tested under pressure? No holding back punches if you know what I mean!”

“Are you sure?” Naoya asks, hesitant to pursue this course of action if there was the slightest possibility you were to end up hurt, and worse—by him.

“Yeah! I’m sure.” You insist. “We won’t have to do much, I just wanted to test this out.”

“Alright, then. What do you want me to do?”

“Just… stand there, first—” you say, carefully gently guiding him into position; it’s almost surprising to see him willingly go along with your ideas, for he was often… dismissive of others. Well, he did say he didn’t find you as annoying as the rest, but was that all there is to it? A part of you hopes not.

While your initial purpose was to find out if Naoya was ticklish, you couldn’t help but get a bit sidetracked by the firmness of his muscles underneath your palms, his intoxicating scent you’ve grown to solely associate with him regardless of where you found it, and why not, the height difference that became even clearer now that you were a few mere inches away from him.

All these things, besides others, inevitably made you wonder how it would feel to be embraced by him, held tight against his chest as he rested his head above yours, professing his affection for you as he swore to never let —

“What are you doing, Y/N?” he asks, cutting through your daydreams.

“Oh—Nothing!” You chirp, scrambling to hide the embarrassment of your cheeks by looking away, to no avail of course, because for an equally smitten man like him, he could be nothing but attentive to you, pondering if he’d done something in this short moment of silence to enact that kind of response from you, or more likely… how adorable you looked, his mind quickly assuming this would be your reaction to when he finally kissed you.

Unless this was caused by someone completely different. He held no proof of this short-lived accusation, but his mind was eager to accept this burning jealousy, loathing the notion that you already belonged to—

“Are you ready, Naoya?” It was your turn to distract him, Naoya blinking as you take position before him.

“Ye—Yes. As ready as I’ll… ever be.”

Going back to your initial purpose, you had to be very careful not to show your cards if you wanted things to go as you wanted.

So, you played along, asking him to do the things you wanted in hope of getting his guard down, which worked, Naoya following your lead, down to the smallest details… until it was finally time for the grand finale, the moment you were eagerly waiting for!

After a few rounds of training and acting like you were still unhappy with your results, you’d find yourself in a position where Naoya’s back faced you, in a completely innocent, unsuspected manner that almost had you feeling bad for misusing his trust: but your curiosity proved to be far greater, much stronger, and when the opportunity presented itself…

You tackle him! Hands quickly landing on his sides to tickle and pinch him as much as you could to earn a reaction from him, which you were joyfully granted, much to your enjoyment and surprise.

“No way, Naoya—you’re actually ticklish?!” you’d giggle, continuing your attack as he began to squirm underneath your hold.

“Y/N—what in the—what are you doing?!” Naoya gasps, confused by your abrupt actions—was this part of your plan all along?! Or did someone—did someone pay you to it?! Is this being recorded??! “Stop it, now!!”

But you didn’t, no matter how red his face got or how much he attempted to pull you away, you simply couldn’t, because his reaction was far better than anything you imagined!

“I would’ve never thought!” you continued, enjoying the fluster on his face which you naturally thought cute, or his laughter… things you’ve never seen on him before that just made your infatuation grow even more.

“Enough!” Managing to regain his strength through your attack and embarrassment, Naoya is finally able to take your hands and pull them away from him, moving you before him to place you in the same position as him.

You don’t need anything else to happen to understand the gravity of your miscalculations, to remember there was a reason why everyone urged you to steer away from provoking Naoya, as tempting as that was, because one way or another, you’d always end up paying the price.

Just as he intended to do so now.

“Let’s see if you like that!”

“No—wait, Naoya—!” and so, he pressed his fingers to your sides, erupting a loud laughter from you which you desperately tried to hold back, whether by pressing your lips together or trying to ease his hold on you, but he’s always been much stronger than you; and whatever struggle you put up he quickly squashed, all for the sake of revenge.

Though that desire would disappear soon after upon hearing your sweet laughter for the first time (so close, that is) alongside your warmth and scent that reminded Naoya why he harbored such strong feelings for you in the first place… never wanting this moment to end, not even when you uttered the following.

“Naoya, stop it! Seriously!!” you laughed. “You’re—you’re going to make me pee!!”

And then, whether because you wanted to highlight your urgency, or simply because it felt right to do so, your face turns around, raising your gaze to his and locking on each other’s eyes—

A simple, quick gesture, but more than enough to make everything stop, your laughter, his smirk, his hands…

In favor realizing the “compromising” position your innocent prank had put the two—the closeness, the… the intimacy!

A fact that has you instinctively pushing away from him, face red (and not from laughing too much, not anymore) as you try to push aside these growing feelings of embarrassment, thinking perhaps it was best to walk away now before this situation grew into a bigger misunderstanding!

Well, fortunately for you, the answer would easily present itself when he said the following statement.

“Y/N—Did you—Did you pee yourself?”

“WHAT?!” You shrieked, Naoya flinches.

Of all things he could’ve said, he just had to go with that one.

“Why—why would you even say that?!”

“I mean—you—"

But you didn’t even prove Naoya a moment to explain himself before you were already out of the training grounds, swiftly making your way across the hallways and back to your dorms, where your startled roommate would worriedly ask if everything was ok, why were you so exalted, and weren’t you supposed to be with Naoya?!

“I just did the most embarrassing thing in the world!” you cried as you plummeted on the bed, pulling the cover over your head as you wished the earth would just swallow you whole! “I made a clown out of myself in front of the boy I like, and I will never, ever be able to take that back!!”

“Y/N, surely you’re exaggerating—” she attempts to comfort you.

“No! You don’t get it!” you gasp back. “I’m never showing my face ever again, ever!”

Your roommate simply sighs, taking a seat by your side and patting your back.

“… Oh, he’ll hate me and make fun of me forever. I just know it!”

Unless… fast forward to a few years, you might be proven wrong.

“You know what I just remembered, Y/N?” Naoya says, looking up from whatever report he was going through that evening.

“What?” you murmur, taking another bite of your endless craving—mochi.

“That one time you tried to tickle me, but it backfired so badly, you ended up peeing.” He smirks, your face instantly turns red.

“What?! I didn’t—I didn’t pee!!” you cried. “That’s not—You and I remember that day very differently!”

“Really?” he snickers. “I remember you avoiding me immediately after, can you blame me for thinking so?”

“That’s—I was just embarrassed for being so close to you!! And to make it all worse, you had to say that! Of all things, seriously! Did you actually think I was going to stay around ???” you fret. “I mean… I genuinely thought you were never going to speak to me again after that.”

“You know it would take much more than that for me to stop talking to you.” Naoya says. “Though it’s quite ironic now, isn’t?”

“What is?”

“You tend to do that quite frequently nowadays.”

You blush.

“Only because I’m pregnant, you idiot!!” you frown, smacking him on the arm, Naoya laughs. “Hey, it’s not funny!”

“But it is true, my love.”

“You’re making it sound like I have some severe bladder issues…” you exclaim. “I’m carrying your baby; in case you’ve forgotten!”

“How could I forget I’m having a family with the love of my life?” he says, moving closer to you to take you into his arms, placing his hands over your growing belly.

“Sweet talk isn’t going to save you, Naoya…” you frown, even when angry, your hands still seek his touch.

“Perhaps not, but maybe… chocolate will?”

“…And?”

“And maybe some diapers too—” he jests, you gasp.

“That’s it, you’re sleeping on the couch!”

“I’m just kidding, princess!” He laughs, leaning down to kiss your cheek. “Nothing but an innocent joke.”

“Won’t be so innocent if I ignore you for real this time!”

“Then I guess you won’t be eating those chocolate I got you from that place you love…”

“… those from… Kyoto?”

Naoya nods.

And just like that, the whole ordeal was forgotten immediately after.

Until he finds out something else to tease you with, because just as they said, whatever you unleash on Naoya, he’ll unleash on you, tenfold.

relentless naoya is relentless. he's a total tease, about time I wrote it. Also, DAMN I think I've never written y/n being totally smitten by him??? like pinning after him?? it's either her towards geto or him towards y/n. lmao

anyways, i'm still in that fluffy domestic mood, and this was the perfect opportunity to show that. akgasgasjiga I mean, it's cute right??? I like it. y/n being spoiled by naoya........ though he's a bit cruel sometimes.... haha. aw, I love them.

Well, I hope you enjoyed this!! Thank you so much for your patience!! 🥺💖 I really did enjoy writing this, as I always do with all the things y'all send me.

Take care, and hope to see you soon!!!

Edit: omg I never really answered your question, but yesssss I do think he was ticklish. But let's be real, who is going to know that?????? You'd probably come to find that one out when hugging him and sensing him tense up. :) for a variety of reasons. Hehe

[zhuoyichenpretty]

aww yeah ep 20 GOOD

I guess I do (very casual, broadstroke) episode commentaries now, halfway through the show lmao. Spoilers below!!

Bai Jiu BETRAYAL?

Wen Xiao WANTED?

Zhuo Yichen DETECTIVE-ING?

Ying Lei BACK?

*crowd cheers*

The dots are connecting like crazy with the big bad's whole inner core crusade and also with the simultaneous demon case like I did not recognize Ao Yin as the demon Li Lun first released eight years ago but oooh do I enjoy that minor payoff.

Love the repeated use of the demonic-spell-restraining sigils now that we've been introduced to them though I wonder why the Bureau doesn't ever seem to make use of them. Maybe they don't deal with enough powerful demons to need to paint those in their own (very empty) dungeon? Or perhaps just plot convenience. (edit: someone has pointed out the Bureau indeed uses them!! I'm just blind <3)

Anyway I kind of wish in the Chongwu Camp dungeon PSJ fought a little bc she's so cool in action and their bailing was a little abrupt, but it makes sense that they'd have an immediate getaway plan. Also this is an ep 19 comment but that line Mr. 3-Face Mask delivered about PSJ being fated to always be betrayed by her little brother(s) HURT. So good.

Back to the Bureau, I do love me a good framing, and I'm also happy to get a tiny bit of the episodic demon-murder-case style back. WX was v clever to hide out in Situ Mansion, and (small detail but) I appreciate that the others catch her up on the Bai Jiu thing onscreen. As an aside, I also like that the actress for WX got to be double-casted even just briefly. Seeing some of the actors get to play around with portraying various extremes in characterization and costuming is a ton of fun.

And then yay Bai Jiu backstory at last~! It's crazy how much that blood moon fucked up everyone's lives eight years ago huh.

Everything ZYC says to him is on point (and honestly, ZYC is really quite adept at comforting others, he just sucks utter ass at it when it's his fault and he has to apologize lmaooo) but of course my favorite scene in the whole episode is as follows:

The very slight shine in the waterline, the bittersweet smile/grimace as, deliberately or not, ZYC's words indirectly echo everything about the circumstances between the two of them right now??? Whew. They did that for me specifically.

Anyway, this was a good one to chew on for me, packed with plot movement enough that I didn't feel unsatisfied with just one episode. I'm glad that so far it seems like the release schedule bears in mind what episodes should be watched in pairs for maximum effect (eps 16/17, 18/19 specifically) and which ones are okay to stand alone for the day, but I also don't want to speak too soon haha. We'll see how ep 21 fares.

Also since this is a ZYC stan account (lmao) I have some obligatory ZYC thoughts that I haven't managed to fit anywhere else. I've been meaning to comment on this for a while now and was reminded by this episode: I love the fact that ZYC actually smiles quite often. I think it's a bit surprising every time he does because he so easily fits the archetype of stoic broody action hero, but it really is just an archetype he's fit himself into, and it's never clearer than when they flash back to smiley baby!ZYC (how freely and purely he used to give those smiles away...).

On the other side of this is also how caustic and biting he can be with his words, whether sarcastically or otherwise, and how clearly his face telegraphs his emotions in general. I love that he actually emotes quite a lot and isn't cold and unaffected in the least, just pouty frowny and awkward.

The last piece to this for me is probably his age (which I very much appreciated being established super early on) and how convincingly TJR portrays him as young and inexperienced and extremely earnest. He's so sincere in everything he does that it really doesn't take much to move him, which also (imo) makes his arc less overdone.

We all know from the start what direction his development will likely go, how he'll learn he's mistaken about ZYZ and how he'll grow to have a more nuanced view of the world as he creates more bonds with others. But he's so emotional and emotionally aware that it doesn't really take much push and pull to get him there. And actually, it's not untread ground to him—he is moreso thawing, in part returning to the open-hearted nature that he had to very abruptly shutter away rather than fundamentally changing as a person. I think to me, that makes his character more compelling to watch because his cynicism about the world is perhaps the least sincere thing about him. It's entirely learned, and not by choice. Relatable.

[sl-newsie]

Spelled (Carlos de Vil x Sanderson Daughter) Descendants 3- Ch. 11: Time Will Tell

I can already feel the differences of not wearing the brooch. Not as much power but my mind is much clearer. Now I just need to settle one last request.

Mal walks out of the room just as Hades finishes up talking with Ben’s dad. 

“He left me his Ember.” She holds up the blue stone with a stunned expression.

“Gosh, Mal. That’s… really thoughtful of him. It’s his most prized magical possession.”

Yesterday I would never have trusted her with something this powerful. I hope Mal’s changed as much as she says.

She looks around and leans in to whisper: “Just a little secret: I’m going to reopen the barrier.”

Happiness floods through me and I know I won’t have to ask for the favor after all. My promise to the VKs on the Isle will be fulfilled!

“But you can’t tell anyone!” Mal points a finger. “I’m going to announce it at the ceremony tonight.”

I nod. “Please forgive me for not attending, but I can’t stay here. You know that.”

She understands. Just because I’m not a fugitive anymore does not mean people will look at me differently. I will always be the Sanderson witch.

“You need not worry any more about keeping Auradon safe. As long as I am alive my protection spell will ward off any threats. Happy engagement, Mal.” I look over at her fiancée who’s just joined us. “Happy engagement, Brother Ben.”

He squeezes my shoulder. “We’ll miss you, Sparks. Come visit once in a while. Maybe pull some pranks?”

I try to offer a smile. “We'll see.”

All that’s left here is old memories. I’m not one to feel nostalgic. If nothing is to ever be the same again then I can’t twist my hands trying to think the impossible. There’s just one last loose end I need to tie up.

“Nice jacket, dog boy.”

I find Carlos is sitting in the courtyard with Dude. The place we fought before I left last time.

He spins around to see me and his eyes light up. “I’ve been trying to find you!” He suddenly goes quiet. “I understand now why you’ve been mad at me. I’m your one true love.”

I can’t have the heart to lie anymore. “Yes.”

“And you can never find another?” he asks softly.

A deep sigh escapes me. “No. That’s how it works for me.”

Carlos paces back and forth. “Maybe if I-”

“No. You are happy with Jane, Carlos.” I give him a final soft kiss on his freckled cheek. “I hope you and her find every form of happiness.”

His soft eyes frantically search my face for a second chance. “But what about you? You deserve to be happy too.”

“I’ve survived this long without true love. ‘Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame.’  Song of Solomon 8:6. If it’s by only the will of God that I must live, then I cannot change it. I understand, Carlos. I don’t get a happy ending. No matter how hard I try to be good I will always get the short end of the broomstick. But it’s fine. I’ve accepted my fate, and will release you from the empathy link.”

Carlos shakes his head and starts stuttering. “I want to keep it. I’ll feel too guilty knowing that I left you.”

His caring words make me double-guess myself but I put those thoughts to rest. It’s not fair to keep him held to this if he’s already happy.

“You’ve been a very loving friend, Carlos de Vil. If you ever need someone to talk to, send Dude to find Binx. I’ll stay in touch.”

Before I can let myself be poisoned by any more false hopes I tear myself from the conversation and walk away from perhaps the best thing that’s ever happened to me. My true love.

In the end, I thought we were friends.

Then life started up again.

So I thought we’d start anew,

And that maybe you’d love me too.

You skip to your next romance.

Not even giving me a chance.

And perhaps our friendship will be lost,

I’ll still hope one day our paths will cross.

Do the right thing in the right place.

As long as I watch, you are safe.

You taught me how to have fun,

How to make friends with someone.

You showed me how to forgive,

And encouraged me to live.

I’ll just disappear,

And you can forget you ever saw me here.

Don’t regret anything, it’s my fault.

The burden is mine to be taught.

I’ll be ready, I won’t mistake.

You’ve prepared me for the sickness of heartbreak.

For how long, you never knew.

One day I’ll tell how much I love you.

And even if I can’t find bliss,

I wish you every form of happiness.

Back at the palace I see father and Binx have already packed up what little belongings we have here. Travel light, I suppose.

“What’s this book for?” Father holds up my spellbook.

“That is what’s currently holding the Sanderson sisters.”

Father tenses up and holds the book out to me. “I think it’s safer if you hold it. Between you and me I don’t want any run-ins with your aunts.”

“For your return home you’ll be traveling in style,” Fairy Godmother tells me and points to the black limo parked out front. “I’m so proud of you!” She gives me a big hug. “You are everything I ever hoped for in a Sanderson.”

“Does this mean I pass Goodness 201?” I joke.

“With flying colors!” 

I help father carry the bags to the limo and find Remus leaning against the drivers’ side door. He's wearing his chauffeur uniform again.

“Time for a vacation?” he asks as I approach.

“You could say that, Remus. I hope FG gave you your job back?”

“Without question. That and along with a raise," he says proudly. "Now I’m in charge of personally driving Queen Mal to her meetings.”

The news brings a smile to my face. “Congratulations. I hope to see you around.”

The redhead tips his hat. “I wish the same thing. I’ll miss you, Magica. I’m glad to see everything worked out for you. Do you think you’ll ever come back?”

Life can be crazy sometimes. One day shows us everything is planned out. The next it shows that life can erupt into total chaos. Sometimes we’re shown that what we wanted might have been hidden in plain sight all along.

“Time will tell, Remus. Right now I want to live the quiet life I once hated. It’s time to go back to where it all started and remember who I am.”

“Magica Sanderson isn’t the same shy witch I picked up last year,” Remus points out.

I shake my head and look out onto the grounds as the sun begins to sink below the horizon.

“No. This is one Sanderson who’s going to write her own happy ending.”

[ziracona]

As promised! The finale of Act I for The Kid. : ) For the Tumblr readers, as always, a day or two early. [Fate/GO AU – The Kid (pt: 1, … 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, ?)] {Some spoilers for original Grand Order run/through Temple of Time}

-

-

Mmmph…uhg. Head…hurts. chest…hurts… I…

Slowly, I blink, open my eyes. Where…am I? I…

There was a room, for a long time, and then another, big, empty room. With a sword. And I can’t remember why. I’m so confused. I can’t remember when I am, or why, or…M-my neck! I—

I feel a panic in my chest, and try to swallow on reflex, which should hurt, but amazingly it doesn’t.

It’s…bright here. The rooms should be dark.  And I was dreaming, I think. But I shouldn’t dream…? Why shouldn’t I dream? Right. I-I’m dead. But there were memories? O-of a fight, and a girl, and a boy, and I…had…

“Oh! He is up again!”

I’ve heard the voice, but I don’t know it.

I guess I’m not alone in here. Then I’m not in the big, empty room? I’m…

I try harder to focus my vision, and clear my head. It’s so much harder than it usually is. I feel like I’m going to vanish.

“Hey! Hey—Kotarou?”

Louder, clearer. That’s my name. And I know that voice a little. It’s…the…girl? I turn my head towards the voice on my left, and there are two blurry human shapes. A man, with green hair, and a girl with red hair, like mine.

HUH!? Wait. Th—but--then—it wasn’t a dream? I—

Memories come back quickly with the visual prompt, and my mind feels a little clearer. I keep blinking, fighting to be awake now for real, and my vision sharpens. It really is her. That happened after all? Really? …And…I’m still alive?

“How are you feeling?” asks my new lord, leaning in closer, troubled, “We tried what we could, to get you more mana! I was really worried, but the doctor said you’d be alright. Just needed a little time to recover.”

“Yes,” adds the man with green hair behind her, very apologetically. He was called…I…I heard his name. …David? “I am very sorry. I ah, I wasn’t entirely familiar with your history, and when we were banishing demons, I didn’t realize I should be controlling the area of effect on my banishment. I seem to have sort of knocked the wind pretty hard out of you. If I’d realized you were half oni, I’d have been much carefuler about that. I really didn’t know. Are you feeling alright now?”

“Oh…” I say slowly as my brain makes sense of that. So that’s what happened. I guess that makes a certain…sense. “Y…Yes,” I manage as I figure it out, “I think I’m alright now.”

“Good. I’m amazed by the recovery time, actually,” comes a cheerful, friendly voice I think I’ve heard before too, recently, but a man with peach hair I’ve never seen before moves into my field of view and stoops to place a palm against my forehead. My brain wants to jerk back from a strange human touching me, after the last month of memories, but I’m too exhausted and slowed to do anything but stare with eyes that aren’t seeing quite right yet. “You must have already been run ragged from the trap they’d been keeping you in, and immediately deploying a noble phantasm, then taking a banishment spell back-to-back, that’s some spirit origin you’ve got there. I suppose assassins need some hard survivability to fall back on now and again, but even so.”

He smiles at me. I usually view people with some wariness, because it’s only safe, and I feel even more strongly that way now, but this man has somehow got one of the most open and dependable faces I’ve ever seen. He must be…the doctor. That’s where I heard his voice, over the coms.

I guess it makes sense someone like that would be a doctor. And…that…i-it means he’s definitely on our side, then. Right?

“Again, terribly sorry,” says David with an apologetic little smile.

I try to focus back on him, and give a halting nod. My head is still struggling hard to catch up with reality. I seem to be having a hard time with that, since the trap. “…Did…it work?” I ask, turning to Ritsuka as I remember things that happened before, “Your plan?”

“Yes,” she says with a smile, “We did it!”

Oh good, I think with great relief. The idea of those people still being out there does not sit very easy with me, after the last weeks of my life. Months? I really have no idea anymore, I guess. Still. It’s…over. Wow.

Over. …Really…o-over.

“Thank you,” I say, looking up as the thoughts come full circle, “You saved me.”

She nods, and smiles. “You’re welcome. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“He up an’ alright?” comes a voice I recognize more quickly as the cowboy’s, and I turn my head and see him. Actually, I take in the room for the first time too.

It’s…a hotel room, I think. A little couch and lounge area on my left, and a chair pulled close to the bed, that David’s sitting in. There’s another chair on my right, and a little dresser thing opposite me, then a hall far on my right, with the smell of food coming from it. I see a lot of the ones from earlier—the Caster and whatever was with him, over in the sitting area, but not next to each other. The green-clad archer with a hood is sitting in the chair on the right side of the bed—looks like he was reading something. The cowboy’s come from the little hallway. I don’t see the red archer and the lancer, though.

“Yes, hi,” I respond a little stuntedly as the cowboy walks over, and I remember he was speaking to me.

“Glad you’re feelin’ better!” replies the cowboy enthusiastically, clapping me on the shoulder like we’re old friends, “Had us worried there for a second! But hey—” He adds, turning towards Ritsuka for a moment, “We did it, right? That’s everyone now.”

She nods, smiling.

“Mission accomplished,” says Billy the Kid proudly, spinning his gun out of its holster and back in for show.

“Well, assuming things go well with Emiya and Cu Chulainn,” says David with interest, “Then, what does that mean for the rest of us?”

The doctor gives him a slightly nervous glance, and then looks back at Ritsuka.

“For…? You mean, after? Oh. Well…” She thinks a second. “…I dunno, I guess,” she decides, flushing a little when she looks around the room and meets eyes, which have all stopped whatever else they were doing to focus on her. “I uh. Wasn’t sure I’d get this far, so I didn’t plan far enough ahead. S-Sorry. I really didn’t uh… Well, I-I guess I thought I’d figure it out when I got there—Oh!” she adds, looking at the doctor, “Uhm. Doctor Archaman wants a chance to talk to us all about something important, though, so, that, I guess!”

The Doctor looks immensely relieved, happy even.

Huh. I wonder what this is all about? Actually…I—I don’t even really know what she’s talking about.

“And uh, after…” she says, almost to herself, and trails off, thinking.

“I-I’m sorry,” I pipe up slowly, struggling to at least prop myself up in the bed a little, and making it up against the baseboard, “Uhm. …I’m not sure I understand…what’s going on.”

The others glance at me.

“I uhm. …You said you freed me without…wanting anything in return,” I say slowly. I was going to say something else after, like ‘but you really wanted nothing else after? Even now? …What does that mean?’ but, it feels too strange to say. What does that mean, if it’s true? Do we just…get un-summoned? Have the contracts ended, and hang around until our mana is up? I’m…I feel very lost right now. …I guess I also might not be completely conscious. So, maybe I should keep my…mouth shut…

“Yeah,” agrees Ritsuka, “Sorry. I should have had a better plan than this-“

“—Hey I think ya did real well,” interjects Billy with great certainty.

“You did,” says Doctor Archaman, mind completely occupied somewhere else pretty obviously, but apparently clocked in enough to comment.

“Well. I guess we do whatever you want,” she decides, glancing at me, then the others, “I mean. I told Doctor Archaman we’d hear him out. But aside from that…” She looks back at me. “What do you want to do?”

“…W…W-what do I want to do?” I ask, very confused.

“Yeah,” she says, then glances around at the others, “I mean. You don’t have to stay, if you don’t want. But. It’s not hurting me to keep you summoned either. You could…I don’t know. Go to a theme park?”

“Huh?” says Robin, clocking in to this conversation for the first time.

“Yeah, or. I don’t know,” she says, thinking very hard, “I bet you don’t get to go sightseeing much or anything. But you could. What do you do for fun?”

For FUN?

I look at the cowboy for help, because I don’t know what to do, and he’s the only one I’ve talked to. He looks back, but the look on his own face is indescribable. It’s not a bad look, but it’s like all activity behind his eyes has short-circuited for a second.

“We don’t,” says the person whose class I don’t know, over by the Caster at the far side of the room. His voice is confused, wary almost.

The Caster on the other hand looks positively giddy. “Well I do! When I can, which isn’t usual, but hey! We don’t –what is the saying—look a gifted horse in the mouth? Let’s go do something fun! Yes! Excellent! Come on, Salieri!” He grabs the one whose class I can’t guess—Salieri?—by the shoulder excitedly, but the other man is staring so blankly at nothing he doesn’t even seem to notice.

Ritsuka looks relieved and pleased by the Caster’s response. Slightly more worried by the look on Salieri’s face as he finally registers the contact from the Caster.

I’m so confused, I think desperately.

“For…how long,” says Billy in a very strange, almost cautious voice, still looking a little like his brain has stopped.

“Uhm,” says Ritsuka, glancing at him and the rest of us, then back to him, “Well, however long you want? —I-I wouldn’t try to make you stay around, if you don’t want! I-If that’s what you’re worried about or something! But.”

“I’m sorry,” says Robin slowly, setting his book in his lap, “Are you offering to…set us up with indefinite…vacation leave?”

“Uhm. I guess sort of,” says Ritsuka uncertainly, thinking, “I mean, I did tell you Doctor Archaman has something important I promised we’d talk about, and I think he needs help with a serious problem. But. That can’t take forever, and if you all want to stay after, I uh, don’t see why you couldn’t.”

The spirits in the room all trade absolutely befuddled glances, except the Caster, who looks like he’s having the best day of his life. And I guess David, who just has a completely unreadable expression behind the unwavering smile on his face. This is the most confused I think I’ve ever felt.

“…This doesn’t happen,” I say just sort of automatically. I think I…I must be waiting to wake up still. I haven’t yet, right? This can’t be…a real thing happening to me…? Can...it…?

“Yeah,” says Ritsuka sadly, not understanding that at all, “I’m sorry most mages are so terrible to you.”

“No, I-…”

But what can I possibly say.

I try looking at the cowboy again, but he gives me a completely lost shrug, and then a worried little smile, and turns to look at Ritsuka himself.

“I-I appreciate the offer. Uh. We don’t…know how to respond, because no one’s ever said anything like that to any of us before, and we don’t have any kinda frame of reference to process it with, so we’re all gonna take just a second to kinda run it through,” he offers awkwardly, “I uh. I don’t know if that could even work. I guess you do got your big mana pool, so maybe you could do it,” he adds slowly, “But it’d be dangerous…Mages would be bound ta notice eventually—probably pretty soon. Target someone with—”

“—But with eight heroic spirits watching out for her, how much trouble could she possibly get in?” says the Caster with great enthusiasm, almost ecstatic at this idea.

Okay, this can’t really be happening, right? This is a dream. Surely, this must be a dream. I have gone completely insane from having my head half severed for so many weeks, and I’m hallucinating now to comfort myself. Right? That almost makes sense.

Yeah. I think that’s the only thing that could make sense.

Nobody would be kind to me. Not like this, anyway. People didn’t even treat me this way when I was alive.

“Well,” says David with a wave of his hand, “We are all jumping the gun a little bit. We have to make sure that things went well with the other two, and the last of Ur-Shanabi’s leadership. Make sure her parents stay safe,” he adds to Ritsuka with a reassuring smile.

Huh?

“-And there’s whatever the Doctor here has going on,” He continues with a nod at him, “But why not simply take things a little at a time, no? I mean, we really should stay a while, to be certain Ur-Shanabi does not re-form and begin doing what they did to all of us again, yes? So, it makes sense to stay a while.”

“My uh,” adds the Doctor hastily, and looking a little bit sorry, “my thing is uhm. It’s pretty serious, and…dangerous…” He looks very far away a second, then glances back up, and that sincere, just a little sad smile is there again. “But uhm. I think David’s right. Whatever else happens, take it a day at a time for now. We’ve all run ourselves ragged, the last…what’s it been?” He glances at Billy. “Forty-eight or so hours? And most of you have been through hell for weeks, or, even months. You all deserve a break. It…would be nice, to do something fun. Live a little. Heroic spirits…really never get to.” He looks both very sincere, and happy for us, and somewhere behind that, deeply, irrevocably sad, when he says it. I think…something very bad must have happened to this man, and even as not quite there as I think I must still be, I feel bad for him, seeing it.

David is looking at him, and I see almost the same sadness reflected in his eyes for a second, which surprises me, because it’s the first time I’ve had any guess what David’s thinking at all. But he smiles that same bright smile, like a shield, and the sadness is hidden again behind it. “Yes. Exactly. And you’ll come with us too! We’ll celebrate,” he adds, grinning at Ritsuka, “Something nice, for all of us! A victory party!”

“Yeah, okay,” she says enthusiastically, “That sounds great to me! Once Emiya and Cu Chulainn are back, we can ask everybody what they want to do, and figure something out—”

“—And between now and then, everyone can get some rest,” says David with great finality, still beaming.

“Get off of me, or I’m going to remove your head,” says Salieri, who I’d forgotten about, and I look over and see the Caster still hanging off him, from both shoulders now, and looking incredibly unthreatened by this.

“Please don’t antagonize him!” says Ritsuka worriedly, very threatened by this.

“I just want him to have a good time,” says the Caster, reluctantly letting go, but never dropping his smile.

“I think rest is a good idea,” says the Doctor, glancing at the spirits in the corner, and then back at those of us closer to him a bit nervously, “But uh—I don’t think we’ve given proper introductions yet. I haven’t anyway. And I’m sure all this is overwhelming enough on its own.” He shoots me a pitying look.

It is. I feel very grateful towards him.

“I’m Doctor Romani Archaman. A lot of people seem to have trouble pronouncing that, so if you want to call me Doctor Roman instead, that’s fine with me,” he continues with a kind smile, and then indicating the green-haired archer I already know as David, “This is King David, an Archer. You’ve met Billy the Kid, Gunner, and Ritsuka Fujimaru, human mage.” They nod or shoot me a smile. Billy flicks the brim of his hat up like a greeting. He moves on to indicate the other Archer, the Caster, and Salieri in turn. “That’s Robin Hood, Archer. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Caster, and Antonio Salieri, Avenger.”

Avenger. That’s…a hard class. I wish I knew what to say to him, but I don’t think he wants my condolences.

“The other two who were with us before, the Red Archer is Emiya, and the Blue Lancer is Cu Chulainn,” he finishes, “They’re out dealing with a problem right now, but I think they’ll be back pretty soon.”

“Thank you,” I reply, “I’m Fuuma Kotarou, Fifth Head of the Genji Clan. Assassin.”

There are little comments of assent or introduction from the circle, and it’s all much easier to process than the talk of infinite vacation leave. Did I imagine that? I have to have, right? I’m so confused right now. I should probably try not to act confused though. I want to be useful, to thank her for rescuing me, and that won’t help.

“Well, feel free to get some sleep if you like it,” says Billy the Kid as people disperse a little, coming over to take the seat King David was in before now that he’s vacated it to speak to Doctor Archaman, “But if you ain’t so tired, there’s good food, an’ Robin an’ I were gonna play some cards, if you want in.”

I thought I wanted sleep, but the idea of food outweighs that, and I manage to sit up a little.

“Thanks,” I say. Wait. Food? As a— “Are you…you said there is food for us?”

I look up for my Master, and she’s already vanishing into the little hall I smell food from, so I look back at Billy.

“Yeah, she’s unusual,” he says with a very proud grin.

“That doesn’t begin to cover it,” says Robin Hood, moving his chair over to Billy’s side of the bed, “But it’s completely in a good way.”

… “I…am not completely certain I’ve actually woken up again. Or that any of this is happening,” I tell them, a little worried it’s not a good idea to say that.

“Yeah, I felt that way too,” agrees Billy, nonplussed, “We never get treated ‘cept like shit. It’s happenin’ though.”

Huh. I’m still not totally sure I believe him, but. I … I guess if it’s a dream, at least it’s a really, really good one. And…even that’s quite the rare gift. We’re not supposed to dream like this anymore.

“Okay. Game’s called Faro. Easy to learn—trust me. ‘N I’ll go easy on ya,” says Billy the Kid.

“He will,” agrees Robin tiredly, “But only the first time. Then he’ll take you for all you’re worth.”

Scary…

“Ritsuka’s playin’ Bank, ‘cause I already taught her ‘n she’s actually pretty good at it,” he continues, then pauses to call to the rest of the room, “Anyone else want deal’d in?”

-------------------------

“So, be real,” I say, landing silently on the edge of the roof behind Archer and adjusting my grip on my spear, “The kid wanted us to talk to her, ‘just in case,’ but there was never any other way this was gonna go; the others sent us because they needed someone who could make sure we don’t just get her, we get all the information she had backups of too.”

“No,” replies Archer, side-eyeing me for a moment, “If the others wanted to send someone to torture out information, they would have asked Salieri to go.”

I snort. “No way; he doesn’t have the patience for that. Alone, he’d rip her head off in under a minute.”

“Look, it hardly matters,” says Archer with a sigh, turning to actually face me a little. “… What, does it bother you to be the one who seems good at this?”

“At killing?” I ask, genuinely surprised for a second, but no, that’s not what he means. He means ‘at being cutthroat’.

I consider.

“No, not really,” I decide.

He tilts his head like assent. “…Funny they’re wrong, though.”

“Hm?”

“Please,” he says, scanning the building ahead again, and then glancing over at me, “You’re not cutthroat. You picked two kids in a grail war as your allies. I’ve seen you die at least eight times in the stupidest of ways, just because there was something especially rotten you didn’t want to do.”

I can’t figure out if that’s a dig, or a backhanded compliment, or…?

“Oh, you can talk,” I decide to shoot back, because it’s the easiest response, “Under all that superiority complex, edgy shit you got going on, you’re really just a lifelong pacifist who got tired.”

Oooh, low blow. He did not like that.

For a long few seconds, he just narrows his eyes and looks at me, then he turns away, expression hard.

I think maybe I took that one too far.

“There. Top floor. See it?” he asks, and I do, immediately. Just for an instant, but the tiniest change in mana sparks in the third room from last on the far right. Hell of a bounded field hiding her, but we finally found the signature we were looking for.

“We got her,” I say, grip tightening.

He nods, eyes on the window.

-

It doesn’t take long.

I don’t know what I expected.

But it wasn’t what I got.

I forget, but he’s not like the rest of us. He’s not dragged around to mage summons off and on, and frozen on the throne otherwise. He’s in that reality marble of his, for a few moments, and then thrown out by the Counter Force to deal with some new threat. I forget that he’s not like the rest, because I see him so much. But he isn’t.

We entered the room silent, the curtain blowing behind us. Him ahead, me just behind, waiting.

He raised his sword calmly, and she saw him as she turned.

She was smart enough not to attack immediately. She knew her work well enough to recognize me and what I was, and not to recognize him and know he wasn’t one of hers. She asked.

He said, “I am an agent of the Counter Force. Sent to bring peace and stability whenever the living humans of a time throw the world too far off balance. I ensure the survival of the human race. Whatever the cost, whatever the call, whatever the reason. Without quarter, or excuse, or appeal. You cannot have aimed your hand at the Throne itself, and not expected this would come much, much sooner, than later.”

Director Ayase had nodded, slow, calm. Almost still, even in motion. “So. An answer to what happened last night that finally makes sense. I don’t suppose you people let humans off with a warning?”

He said nothing. He didn’t move. Weapon still, leveled, in the dark.

That was her moment to appeal, but she did not.

“And you?” asked Director Ayase, turning to me instead.

I raised my spear and grinned a smile of sharp teeth. “Revenge.”

“I didn’t realize that was the Counter Force’s business,” she’d said, turning back to Archer.

Expression almost blank, he held her gaze, and said, “One might say, it is our only business.”

That was her second moment to appeal. She did not.

She tried to kill him.

No equivocations, no fleeing, no apologies or attempts.

Only violence.

And she tried to kill him, not me. Not me first. Of all the things. I didn’t care enough to remember the exact words, but she said something about him still just being a glorified familiar, even if his master was the Counter Force, and she’d activated every trap ready in that room and tried to rip him to shreds. I could see on her face that she really thought she could do it, too. Certainty. As much as I’ve seen it, and as used to it as I should be, just how people with money will really, truly believe they can out-flank god herself will never cease to amaze me.

She did not.

I could have killed her, but I didn’t care who did it, and he didn’t need protecting. He was quick.

I had forgotten that he would be quick.

But, he always is. I certainly remember it now. Not quick to move, but quick to kill. Quick in the act of killing. Quick in making it over. He hit her, once, and she was gone, the next instant. Like an execution, not a kill.

I guess when your only job is revenge, that’s what mercy is forced to look like.

And it was mercy. Brutal, and ugly, and unmemorable mercy, but mercy still.

We went through the room after. He set her down, against the foot of the bed. Not undignified, not special. A neutral, basic respect. Like it was rote. And we found what we needed, and we left.

I watch him now with a little more interest, and a little less annoyance, than usual, as we head back. A flicker of mana on rooftops and through trees.

“Hey,” I say finally as we go, and he stops then and waits for me.

“I didn’t mean you got tired of being one,��� I say as I join him on the rooftop. It’s getting close to dawn, but it’s still so dark, you wouldn’t be able to tell by looking. I only know because I can recognize the way it feels. “I just meant you got tired.”

He furrows his brow in I think genuine confusion, and then I see it click.

Archer opens his mouth and starts to say something, then doesn’t. I wait.

“…Is this an apology? Of some kind?” he asks finally, confused and almost amused, “Or are you insulting my level of professionalism?”

“Neither, I think,” I say, “I just think you make a poor cleaner.”

He snorts. “And who let Medea escape injured in that holy grail war where her master sold the execution right for his own servant to another contender..?”

Damn. Gonna be like that, huh?

But the tension from before is gone.

“That’s integrity,” I shrug him off completely.

“Sure,” he almost laughs. I return the grin.

Huh. This almost feels familiar too. Can’t remember any good times with this guy to be remem—

“Wait, shit, did we go fishing-?”

“What?” says Archer, completely taken aback.

“Was there like, some time we both got summoned somewhere, where that would have been a thing? For the life of me I can’t remember, but I can almost swear,” I reply.

“Why did you have to say that?” he asks, a matching look of consternation on his face as he thinks, “Damn it. Now I kind of remember that too. Why the hell would we-? Was Gilgamesh there?? AGAIN?”

“God, I hope not,” I say, “I fucking hate that guy.”

“Yeah, me too,” says Archer, thinking hard at the middle distance.

There’s a moment of us digging for old memories, and then I shake it off and turn to him, swinging my spear around to lean on it casually. “Well. Either way. At least now it’s done, and we can go back.”

“To what?” he asks automatically.

Huh. Good question. “Shit, I haven’t thought about that. Are we all just getting unsummoned?” I ask.

He shrugs.

Hm. Well. “Guess we’ll find out?” I offer, and it’s so weird a situation to be in, I laugh.

“I guess so,” he replies with what’s almost a laugh, shaking his head a little, “…I guess so.”

-------------------------

“It’s all taken care of.”

“All of it?” checks Ritsuka again, eyes huge.

“I promise you,” says Emiya with a patient smile, “They’re okay. We checked, and your brother is still out of the country. Your parents will be with family for the next month. No one who knew anything is around to do anything about it, and any records and backups have been destroyed.”

“They’re safe,” she checks.

He nods.

“Safe, and Ur Shanabi is dead,” chimes in Cu Chulainn, raising his glass of water.

She just looks at them for a few seconds in silence, then her eyes well up and she throws her arms around him, then motions Cu Chulainn close enough she can reach both, and gets him too.

“Thank you so much,” comes her muffled voice.

“Hey, you saved us from a fate worse than death. It’s nothing,” says Cu Chulainn.

“Yeah, we’re the ones need to be thankin’ you,” I chime in. She raises her head to look over at me. “I mean, I was dead! For months, I think. And you swoop in and save me, save all of us?”

“Dismantle a corrupt organization,” adds Robin, joining me.

“Yes. Save all of us, fight an impressive battle,” says Mozart from over in the corner.

“And the best part: we all made it out alive and fairly unscathed!” adds David gleefully.

I nod. That’s a damn good point. We really did great here, I think.

“…I. Wow,” she says, staring at all of us in turn with big eyes, “We really did it, didn’t we?”

“You did,” says Doctor Archaman with his soft smile, looking genuinely about as happy as we are. I can’t really figure the guy out, but no matter how he got mixed up in this, I guess he’s pretty okay.

“You helped too,” I say, feeling charitable.

He looks surprised, and then looks down and kind of smiles.

“You did!” agrees David readily, “Quite a bit! You blew the vault. Did some big magic medicine work. Ran an attack.”

“Alright alright,” says the Doctor quickly, “We all pitched in. You too. Even half dead, you really saved us there,” he adds, to Kotarou, who is watching all of this still from the bed. He’s sitting up now, and looks a whole lot better, and ain’t bad at cards, but I guess he’s probably pretty overwhelmed still. I would be, if I tried to think very rationally about everything going on, and I’ve been up the longest.

“Way to go team!” cheers Ritsuka, raising a fist. There’s a little chorus of assent or relief from everyone. Robin claps me on the back, and I elbow him in a friendly way back, and grin. Even the Avenger looks happy for the moment. Proud maybe.

“So—a celebration?” suggests David.

“Celebration?” echoes Emiya, turning to him as Ritsuka lets go.

“Yeah, it’s what she suggested. –Oh you two weren’t there for that,” I say, “But uh. Well. I’ll. Let her sorta.” I gesture, to try and pass the baton.

“Oh yeah! Right,” says Ritsuka, turning back to Cu Chulainn and Emiya, “When you two were gone, we started talking about what happens next. Uhm, I promised the Doctor we’d all hear him out, about this security situation he has at his organization. He said he could use help, if we’re willing to do that.”

They glance at the Doctor, and so does Robin beside me, and interesting look on his face. Huh. Wonder what that’s about. Maybe he already knows somethin?

“But before then, we thought we’d all go out and do something to celebrate! If—uhm, if you all feel well enough,” she adds.

We glance around at each other.

“I do,” offers Mozart with great enthusiasm.

“And she said after whatever the Doc’s got, we can all just stick around or do whatever,” I add, overtaken by a sudden Irish drive to add chaos to the moment.

It’s so worth it for the looks Emiya and Cu Chulainn both get on their faces instantly. Cu Chulainn like, triple takes, and Emiya looks like all activity behind his eyes short-circuits for about three seconds.

“I’m sorry—what?” says Emiya, trying to recover, and turning to Ritsuka. Behind him, Cu Chulainn’s eyes are just huge.

“Well, I mean,” says Ritsuka, suddenly uncertain over this response, “It’s not like I can’t sustain you, since I have so much mana. It would be really mean to just send you back to the throne, and, there’s no reason it would be bad for you to get to stick around. It sounds like you never get to do anything enjoyable, or rest, so it would maybe be pretty good. To uh…You know.”

Emiya still looks like he’s hitting error codes in his brain. Cu Chulainn has a massive grin starting to form.

“I mean—You don’t have to stay with me,” hurries Ritsuka, misinterpreting Emiya, “—y-you can go wherever you want! And if you didn’t want to stick around, that’s okay too. I just figure. Maybe you all would want uh. Want a break.”

“Well I do!” calls Mozart again, “And so does Salieri.”

Salieri turns to give Mozart the kind of look Emiya is still giving Ritsuka.

“Well shit,” says Cu Chulainn excitedly, “You’re actually serious?”

“Yes?” she says, confused.

He tries to say something, and then just starts laughing. So hard he kind of doubles over, and slaps a hand on Emiya’s shoulder to steady himself. Emiya turns and gives him a blank look for a few seconds, and then shakes his head and slowly comes back to himself, starting to smile as well.

“Are you two okay?” asks Ritsuka.

“Yes,” says Emiya over Cu Chulainn’s shaky, “Oh yeah,” through his laughter. “This just never happens,” continues Emiya, “It’s enough to apparently give someone a little bit of a nervous breakdown.”

“I’m not having a nervous breakdown,” manages Cu Chulainn as he continues to laugh, “It’s just funny!’

“It’s funny?” asks Ritsuka worriedly.

“Not in a bad way,” Robin answers for them, moving forward, “In a kind of cosmic way. It’s like being horribly cursed your whole life, only to win a 900 million dollar lottery.”

“Oh,” says Ritsuka, clearly not getting it at all, but encouraged at least.

“We can figure the rest out later, can’t we?” pipes up Mozart enthusiastically, “I say we go with the mood, and celebrate! What’s the last time anyone here has been out on the town?”

“’Out on the’—” starts Emiya, incredulous.

“Won’t that be a risk?” asks Salieri, which is the first thing I’ve heard him say in a while. It’s a wild sight, him next to Mozart, who’s a beacon’ ah light without a care in the world, n’him surrounded by an aura like he’s trying to compress all the rage and confusion and murderous intent I seen in him in battle, into a little one foot radius around his body and probably a couple ulcers, just to not destroy everything around him. Never seen someone look so clocked out in such a specific, intentional way. Kinda impressive actually. Like a bomb held together by force of will.

“Being spirits, you mean?” asks Doctor Archaman. He considers. “…Well, we—you—took care of Ur-Shanabi’s leadership. No one around should know to look out for you. What happened with Mercury, they possibly could be looking for Fuuma Kotarou, but they won’t be yet. Their priority will be figuring out who did this, and why. There’s always the chance of being spotted, by other mages, but I don’t think anywhere that would qualify as ‘out on the town’ is somewhere we’d be likely to be spotted. Or for mages to be. So…So long as you don’t do anything to draw attention to yourself.”

“Like…how we look?” asks Ritsuka.

I glance at her in surprise, then down at myself.

Oh. Haha. Yeah…The whole ‘cowboy’ thing might not scream ‘heroic spirit,’ but it sure screams somethin’. And I’m the most modern hero here, ‘cept apparently Emiya. An he sure don’t look it.

“Ah—uh, yes,” says Doctor Archaman awkwardly.

“We’ll go grab clothes first then! Something to blend in,” says Ritsuka excitedly, “I know a little shop that would be perfect, pretty close.”

The rest of us trade glances.

“Well, I’m in!” I decide, fully pumped. She turns and grins at me. Heh heh.

“I…guess?” says Emiya, almost mystified, while Cu Chulann offers something a little like finger guns from behind him, and Robin nods dissociatively.

“You already know I am!” chimes in Mozart, grabbing Salieri’s arm, “Come on, Antonio!”

Salieri just stares at him blankly. David nods sagely, and claps an arm around Doctor Archaman’s shoulder. Which is kinda hard, because he’s way shorter’n him. “You as well, Doctor! You’ve got a ruined lab coat, bedclothes, and that swimsuit, and none of those won’t grab attention.

Doctor Archaman looks chagrined.

I look at Kotarou.

“Uh…” he says when he notices, and returns the eye contact, “…okay?”

He sounds so unsure, poor guy. I’d be so lost too.

“Let’s do it,” I affirm.

Ritsuka nods. “Great! We can take the train.”

“We can?” Cu Chulainn asks her dubiously.

“No, she’s right,” sighs Emiya, “You see weirder stuff on the train.”

“Really?” I ask.

Emiya and Ritsuka both nod.

To my incredible astonishment, they’re right. We take the train, and barely get a look. I hear someone sigh. Two girls ask if they can take a photo and if David and Kotarou are cosplaying as ‘Guy and Azel’. Doctor Archaman panics and says yes. Other than that, we are left alone.

Ritsuka hops off the train and we follow her through city streets that still seem unimaginably big and full and clean, compared to what I knew. Like a maze, but, she seems to know it by heart, and we wind through the labyrinth to a quieter street and a white and blue building called 2nd STREET Total Reuse.

We get a bit of an odd look walkin’ in, but I guess the cashier ain’t paid enough to care, and Ritsuka goes up and excitedly asks a few questions about where stuff is, and the lady barely pays mind to us at all after that. I get dragged with Kotarou down an aisle, since we’re about the same height, and Ritsuka seems to be havin’ the time of her life pitchin’ ideas to us. So goofy. I can’t think of the last…ever? I guess…yeah, least as far as I remember, I ain’t ever gone clothes shoppin’, even just for the practicality of a disguise, since I was a heroic spirit. Usually if your master wants some incognito, you just go into spirit form ‘n wait.

It's fun. I never had cash to shop as a kid, but the few times when I was real little, ‘n my mom took me for fabric for Sunday clothes ‘n a treat, and the few times again once I started scorin’ as a thief, ‘n first used some spoils?

It was fun then, and it’s fun now. She’s passin’ out jackets and shoes and wonderin’ to herself out loud if it���s fine for me to keep my cowboy hat. It’s so…normal, and different, and carefree. Even just an instant in time, it’s great. Like stepping back into a day I was really alive.

Poor Kotarou looks like he’s still mentally almost 100% clocked out. I hear the others chattin. David seems to be draggin’ Doctor Archaman around the store, and the poor man’s just lettin’ it happen. Guess they must’ve really connected back when David knew him as a boy—rare to have that happen, but I guess I’d feel something like the same seein’ Ritsuka again after a long time. Mozart’s tryin’ to do the same to Salieri, and it’s a plain wonder the man ain’t killed him yet. They got a real complicated relationship. Salieri keeps arguing his clothes are actually normal enough to pass for contemporary, which might be true, because it’s kinda a dated suit, but it’s just a black suit. Mozart ain’t havin it, and Ritsuka leaves us to double-team him, and I have to assume he loses, because next time I see him he’s tiredly wearing a more casual suit jacket, and talking to Cu Chulainn by some shoes.

“You holdin up okay?” I ask Kotarou, glancing over as I’m finishin’ what I got goin’ and step back out of the changing room to see he’s still just holding an armful of things Ritsuka gave him, with his face blank.

He kind of blinks, and slowly turns his head to look at me.

“Oh. Uh. …I don’t really know,” he offers after a moment.

I nod. “It’s a whole lot.”

“Does…?” he hesitates, and considers, then looks up again, seeming more awake, “Does this all feel like it’s not really happening, to you?”

He said somethin’ like this back at the hotel, too. Guess he’s still feelin pretty rough.  “Mmm, it did at first,” I reply, thinking it through sincerely, “But I’ve been up for like, 48 hours now. Somewhere around day two, I think, I decided it must be real.”

“…Really,” he says thoughtfully, more to himself than me.

“It is surreal,” I say.

He nods slowly. “It feels like…I was going to say ‘something that would happen to somebody else,’ but, it’s not even that. It feels like something you wish could happen to even just somebody else, a little like you. But wouldn’t. Like you might say, ‘well, in another life, I got a master who just let me goof off and buy things.’”

That is a fair point.

“Guess it does. …I s’pose that means we’re livin the dream, huh?” I add after a second with enthusiasm.

He blinks. “…Does it?”

I consider again, then nod. “Think so.”

“Huh,” he says, thinking that through, “That just doesn’t seem like something that could really happen to me.”

I shrug. “Me either. But I think when somethin’ too good to be true finally happens, you just gotta embrace it whole-hog, ‘n go with your own momentum. I mean, it’s gotta be once in a lifetime, right?” I smile and nudge his arm with my elbow. “Better make it count.”

He thinks, and then smiles a little, and nods again. “I guess so.”

“I mean, we got the bad flip side of that too. Only a handful of us got trapped in death-torture device shit for a couple weeks, so, y’know. I figure we almost earned it.”

I get a real smile that time. He still looks pretty glazed over, but a lot better than he did.

“Plus—Damn Robin!” I interrupt myself, spotting him, “Lookin’ good!”

He pauses where he was about to step past the aisle, and glances at me and gives me an amused sigh and a smile. “This is literally just black jeans and a green shirt. You know that.”

“You’re wearin’ the hell out of it though,” I say.

He rolls his eyes but he keeps smiling.

“Go on,” I say to Kotarou, slapping him on the back to bring him back down to earth, and gesturing to the changing room. He nods and vanishes inside.

“So,” I say as Robin walks over, “If you could do anything in the world to celebrate, what would it be?”

“I don’t know. Get off the throne?” jokes Robin, sliding over next to me.

“I meant in a mundane way,” I say, fake miffed, “And you know it.”

“Mmm, alright,” says Robin without missing a beat, “Mundane celebration, mundane celebration…hm. Maybe I’d…Go visit the old stomping ground?” he suggests, looking surprised at his own idea.

“Like, go home? See what’s changed?” I ask.

He shrugs. “Maybe. Dunno.”

That sounds a little interesting to me too.

“What about just today?” I try.

“Just today?” he echoes, “Well…I guess I’d…” He glances at me and then grins. “Go drinkin’.”

“Yeah?” I ask.

“I mean, why not? It’s not complicated, or elaborate, but I miss spending time eating and drinking with friends between work. Just relaxing, sharing stories.” He gestures with an arm.

“Me too,” I agree, “And it wouldn’t hurt if it was somethin’ sweet! That girl gave me a chocolate earlier, and now my damn mouth can’t stop thinkin’ about the fact that sometimes food is sweet.”

“God, yeah,” agrees Robin with a faraway look on his face, “Man, it would be nice to get drunk. Not much, just a little, you know? Take the edge off.”

I nod.

“You think we can do that?”

“I mean, why not?” I say, “We’re already decided on goin’ to get food or somethin’.”

We look back out over the others we can see. Everyone but Kotarou seems to have their new outfit by now. Emiya looks so mundane dressed casually, and even Cu Chulainn looks virtually normal. It makes me almost feel like, even if it’s just for the next few hours, we’ll really get to be: people, alive, carefree. The little stuff you don’t miss enough till you’re dead ‘n gone. Doctor Archaman is up at the front with David, payin’, and they look so casual I could almost believe they’re family, doin’ something they’ve done 100 times. Any other day. ‘N Rits is over with Salieri and Mozart, trying to keep the Avenger from going insane, by the look of it. I know that, because I’ve met them, but if I couldn’t sense the mana from here, they’d just look like a couple old friends having a fight they don’t mean.

Behind me, Kotarou steps back out of the changing room. He’s got grey pants and red trimmed boots, a deep grey shirt. He could be Ritsuka’s classmate, like that.

He glances at me a little awkwardly, pushing some hair out of an eye, and tries to smile, and I feel the thought even more. We could all be anybody right now.

What a rare gift, no matter how long it lasts. I guess somebody up there’s still lookin’ out for me.

Robin looks over and smiles too, and then double-takes hard and says, “Wait a second.” He looks from him, to me, to himself. “Did she color code us??”

Huh.

I look down at my jeans and brown t-shirt. Up and over at Emiya in his black pants and dark red jacket, Cu Chulainn’s blue flannel and jeans, Mozart’s purple dress shirt and black pants and fancy green scarf, Salieri’s black suit and matching red scarf, David’s cream button-down and black pants with a little green vest.

“God Damn! She did!” I exclaim.

That’s so funny.

“Huh…” says Kotarou, looking down at himself.

“Look!” says Robin, about to lose it, gesturing towards the counter, “She even did it to herself!”

Oh damn, it’s true. She didn’t even need to buy anything, ‘cause she had clothes already, but she’s picked up a white jacket somewhere, to replace the one totaled by that trip to shreds in Ur-Shanabi.

“Well I’ll be,” I say.

“Not the Doctor, though,” says Kotarou with interest.

“David picked his,” says Robin, waving that away, “I saw it.”

From the way the poor man is wearing a slutty little white v-neck with red trim, and looking absolutely miserable about it, I am not surprised one bit to hear that.

“Come on!” calls Ritsuka from the front, seeing us and waving us over, “I think we found a good restaurant!”

I glance at Robin and Kotarou. Kotarou blinks, and then gives a shaky little smile.

“Somewhere we can drink?” asks Cu Chulainn with interest. She nods.

“Well, well, well,” says Robin, immensely pleased. He claps us both on the shoulder, gives me a grin, and heads over.

We follow.

-------------------------

“Alright, alright!” says David cheerily, sliding up to the table with my tray of drinks from the café outside.

“Hell yeah!” says Billy excitedly, taking the hot chocolate he asked for and setting it next to the half-finished glass of liquor on the table at his place.

“Seriously?” says Emiya.

“I ain’t gotta limit myself to one drink,” he scoffs, taking alternate swigs from both.

Emiya grimaces.

Yeah, I feel that. I can see drinking both, but alternating? Billy’s my boy though, so I keep my mouth shut and take another sip of the sake we were offered when we sat down. I don’t really care so much what I’m drinking, so long as it takes an edge off, and it is damn well doing that for me.

“And for you, Chavera,” says David, passing another hot chocolate to Ritsuka, who beams and picks one of the marshmallows off the top to chew on, before taking a swig. No wonder she and Billy get along.

“This is good stuff,” says Cu Chulainn, ignoring all of them in favor of the shochu he’s been devouring at a genuinely impressive rate. He’s not wrong. I’m pacing myself a little by mostly sticking with the lighter alcohol, because there is a very specific level of drunk I like to get, but I’ve had some of it too, and it’s quality.

“And dinner was amazing,” agrees Ritsuka, who’s still getting through the last of hers.

I’ve never had okonomiyaki before, but I would agree with that as well. This is pretty much exactly what I was hoping for when I told Billy how I’d prefer to spend my celebration. Go me.

“And you,” says David finally, passing the Doctor, who’s declined drinking alcohol, the last cup in the tray.

“Thanks,” he says, taking it and setting it by his plate.

“Okay, so. We’ve definitely met before,” says Kotarou, gesturing to himself and me, picking up where the conversation was before David’s return. He points to Billy and me then. “You’ve definitely met before.” He points to Cu Chulainn and Emiya. “You two have very definitelymet before. Many times.”

They give unhappy sounds of assent and turn to their alcohol.

“You’ve met, but only you remember it,” he says, indicating Emiya and me again.

Yeah. Very annoyed I don’t remember that one. Emiya doesn’t look exactly thrilled that he does, though, so probably we tried to kill each other. I guess it can’t matter now.

“You two know each other,” he continues, gesturing to Doctor Archaman, and David, “And you two know each other,” he finishes, indicating Salieri and Mozart.

“That seems about right,” I say.

“Archers really get around,” he says contemplatively.

I grin. Dunno why that’s so funny to me. Do we? Maybe we do.

“But this is your first time summoning heroic spirits, right?” he checks, glancing up at Ritsuka. She nods.

“Hell of a first time,” I observe.

“Atta girl,” cheers Billy, who is a little bit drunk.

She grins and flushes.

“It seems oddly fortuitous we’d have had so many meet each other before, and remember it,” says Kotarou with building interest, “I’m not sure I believe in fate as such, but, doesn’t it almost seem…”

‘Meant to be?’

Hm…

“Yeah, I think it’s nice,” says Ritsuka, “It’s like a reunion, in ways.”

David nods sagely and smiles. Beside him, Doctor Archaman watches that and smiles a little too, then takes a sip of his drink.

Man, I still cannot get a read on that guy at all. I’ve been trying, ever since Emiya brought it up, but. As sure as I am something is going on, for the life of me, I can’t pin down what. He seems nice. He seems normal. He seems fine, and mundane, and kind even. A little bit of a coward, a little out of his depth, but, I know he’s neither. No coward would have done what he did last night, or today, and no one out of their depth with heroic spirits can patch together a shattered spirit core. So why is he…?

And he’s damn convincing…

It makes me feel unsettled, but. Then he says literally anything, and I don’t anymore, because he’s the least worrying person I’ve ever met. It’s so frustrating. And he-

“…Is this…?” The Doctor’s face changes dramatically, almost to a disbelieving grimace. He takes another sip, and gives David an indescribable look. “Is this just a cup of warm milk and honey?”

David absolutely loses it in the chair next to him—like this is the funniest fucking prank on the planet.

Doctor Archaman is still giving him this look like he cannot believe he would do this, and I can’t get what’s funny about it at all. The hell?

“Seriously?” he asks, “Are you kidding me? You went to a coffee shop and ordered me milk and honey just to…”

He gives the sigh of someone shifting the weight of twenty years of exhaustion in the breath and shakes his head, but he almost cracks a smile too. David is just grinning elated at him.

“That’s so fucking stupid,” says Doctor Archaman, who I’ve not heard use this tone before.

“It’s funny,” argues David happily.

“Oh, whatever,” says Doctor Archaman, but he’s still drinking it.

“It’s good for you!” says David, pleased, grabbing his arm, “Makes those bones strong!”

“You’re unbelievable,” says Doctor Archaman, not looking at him, but he’s not mad anymore.

I look at Emiya. He’s watching too, and we trade a ‘Oh I saw it, but I don’t know what the fuck it was,’ look. Everything those two do just gives me more questions. Doesn’t alarm me. But the fact they’re so covert about shit that doesn’t alarm me at all, does alarm me a little. Uhg, I hate this.

Whatever, I think, turning back to my own drink.

“Well, I think it’s all wonderful!” says Mozart, circling back. He clinks his glass against Salieri’s cheerily. “Over two-hundred years, and we finally see each other again! And with the same master even! Not at war! What are the odds?”

Salieri sighs and looks at his empty cup. He sat down by me, originally, to get away from that man, but Mozart just dragged a stool over, forcibly somehow shoved it into the space between us, and is now practically in the guy’s lap. Poor bastard.

I refill his glass. He gives me a tired, grateful sigh, and downs it in one gulp. Jesus, and I used the shochu.

“Yeah, it’s real nice! I’m always happy to see Robin, and havin’ partners at all in any summon’s rare enough,” says Billy, raising his glass to me. I meet him with a smile, and we drink.

Somehow everyone kind of ends up looking towards Cu Chulainn and Emiya, I guess seeing them as the next logical speakers, and when they become aware of it, they trade disgusted glances.

“Don’t look at me,” says Cu Chulainn, “I’m never happy to see this bastard’s face. I just can’t get away from him.”

“Yeah, I’m so pleased every time a new opponent walks into the room, and it’s you again,” says Emiya, dripping sarcasm. Cu Chulainn grins.

“I can’t tell if you’re actually friends, or not,” says Ritsuka with a little worry.

“Oh, they’re friends,” says Billy the same time I say, “Friends,” tiredly, and Mozart says, “Inseparable.”

Neither of them like that one bit.

“Well, he’s not so bad I can’t work with him,” offers Cu Chulainn, deciding the meat on his plate is more worth his time than this conversation, and digging in, “Plus,” he continues, mouth chock-full, “less annoying to have him on my side, than taking way more of my time than it should to kill.”

“Yeah, that’s less annoying to me too,” agrees Emiya. I fuckin bet. I would not love to be killed by that specific lancer. He’s terrifying in combat. Even stalling against him wouldn’t be fun.

“I think it’s great to see old friends,” says David, very pleased.

“You couldn’t have even gotten shots in this?” asks Doctor Archaman, still stuck on the drink, “I…I did specifically say ‘oh just anything with caffeine,’ and you got one of the only things at a coffee shop that doesn’t have some.”

David shrugs.

“How about you?” says Ritsuka, smiling at Kotarou.

He flushes and smiles back. “Uh. I…don’t actually remember the summoning I met Robin Hood on in any detail, just that I’ve met him before for sure, somewhere. But I uh—I’m just glad to be anywhere other than where I was the last night.”

She looks happy for him, and Kotarou seems grounded by that.

“You can say that again,” agrees Billy.

“We’re all pretty lucky,” I say, raising my glass, “All things considered.” Most of the others toast that. It’s…all things considered, almost unbelievably true.

“You won’t say anything, but I know even you have to be pleased, spending time with me like life is normal again,” says Mozart to Salieri, sipping his sake happily.

“You really don’t get it, do you?” says Salieri finally, turning to give him such an exhausted look that I feel worse for him than I already did.

“Mm?” says Mozart, glancing over without a care in the world.

“I’m not happy to be here with you,” says Salieri, in great distress, “I would love to be summoned anywhere else. I am expending every amount of effort I am able, not to kill you right now. This is not relaxing and enjoyable: it is a nightmare.”

“It can’t really be that hard,” says Mozart, lowering his glass.

Salieri gets a look on his face that says Oh Yes It Fucking Can pretty clearly. The poor man looks so miserable and strung out.

“We’re having fun right now, though,” says Mozart.

“You, are having fun,” says Salieri.

Mozart sighs and sets down his cup, then shifts to face him. “Alright, Antonio. What would it take for you to have a good time?”

“You really don’t seem to grasp this situation,” says Salieri, almost amazed this time.

“You say, ‘the throne, blah blah blah, Avenger, perception, innocent monster,’” he waves his wrist in a circle, “’You’re compelled to kill me. You’re not doing it though.’ But resisting hurts? Like a command spell.”

“Not…exactly. It’s…” He hesitates, and glances at Ritsuka, then the rest of us.

“Come on,” says Mozart, “I’m taking it serious! I’m trying to help! Let’s figure this out.”

“You cannot just ‘figure it out,’” says Salieri in great distress, “It is what it is! My nature is changed. I am supposed to be the figure who kills you. I am half Antonio Salieri, and half just this concept of a man who is consumed by the desire for your murder. It’s not that ‘I’—the ‘I’ you think of, am compelled. It is that ‘I’ am made up, of multiple parts now. And not all of them are Antonio Salieri. Even if I put forward as much effort as it is possible for me, and more, I still cannot control the part of me that is not me, forever.”

Mozart watches that. For once, his smile disappears, and he looks almost concerned, or thoughtful.

“You do not ‘know’ what I am like,” pleads Salieri, encouraged by this, “because…I am not the man you knew. I am a part of him, or, he is a part of me. But the heroic spirit ‘Antonio Salieri’ and the man called that in life are not the same thing. I know, what I will do. Because I am in here, experiencing it. And I don’t…want to kill you. ‘I’ do, but the part of me you speak to, does not. But…I…I know it’s a battle I will lose. Because I have to win, every second, of every day, to not kill you. The rest of me only has to win once. Even for an instant. I am many things, Amadeus, but you of all people know me not to be perfect. I am not you.”

There is quiet around the table for a moment, everyone listening now. Thinking. Ritsuka looking so sad, and worried.

“…So, if you were ‘invented,’ to kill me,” says Mozart after a moment, thinking himself, “Would that do it?”

“What?” says Salieri.

“If you killed me,” asks Mozart earnestly, “Would that…’fix’ you? Would the rest of you go away, mission accomplished?”

Salieri looks so genuinely horrified by that. “I am not going to kill you!”

Mozart looks to the rest of us and holds a hand towards him like See??

“No! I—I mean, I will not choose to. I don’t…Amadeus-” tries Salieri frantically.

“-Would once be enough?” asks Billy.

“-No—no it would not,” says Salieri, looking relieved by the interruption, “You would return to the throne. It would not be permanent, so, I would not…cease.”

“What about the version who killed me though? Would he be fine after that?” asks Mozart.

“The-? What?” says Salieri.

“The one in the specific summons,” says Mozart, as if this is the most normal line of questioning in the world.

It’s very clear from his face that Salieri has no idea, but is not interested in this becoming a proposition even if so.

“Hmmm,” says Mozart with interest.

“…Amadeus, that would not…” starts Salieri worriedly.

“—Oh, you’re right. Leaning into your desire to murder me is probably not a good idea anyway, and I don’t want to die!” says Mozart, tone 180’d back to light again, “It’s not very fun.”

“Ah,” says Salieri, greatly relieved and a little shaken. He glances at Mozart, then takes a drink to steady himself.

“I do wonder if we could get the throne on a technicality, though,” says Mozart, picking up his glass and staring past it with great focus, “It’s worth the try, right?” He looks over at Salieri. “I mean, you are always welcome to make me die in the Shakespearian manner, and see if that would help.”

Salieri chokes on his drink so horribly I am sincerely concerned it might be killing him. Past me, Emiya chokes almost as hard, and Cu Chulainn spits his drink out and starts laughing uncontrollably. I am lucky I was between sips, and am just stuck staring at nothing and fighting for my life as I try to run that through my head without reacting. At the end of the table, I hear David hacking his lungs up too, and Doctor Archaman fighting a losing battle not to devolve into laughter.

Still coughing up his lungs, Salieri makes it upright enough again to give Mozart, who is beaming, the most pathetically betrayed look I think I have ever seen.

Holy shit.

Cu Chulainn and the Doctor are about to get to me. I am fighting not to laugh in this poor man’s face but oh my god.

“What?” says Ritsuka, deeply confused and worried. She looks from one person to another. “What? I don’t get it? What does that mean?”

“No one tell her,” chokes out Emiya with murderous intent, trying to get alcohol back out of his lungs. Which causes Cu Chulainn to lose it completely all over again, and it takes me with him this time. Billy is giving me such a confused look too, and that’s only making it worse.

“I don’t know either,” says Kotarou when she looks at him. God bless, I think, bending over the table to cover my face as I lose my struggle.

“Everything is terrible enough without you constantly mocking me,” says Salieri very quietly, a cloud of melancholy descending around him like a pillar of fire.

“But I’m not!” protests Mozart with his bubbly energy unaltered, “I mean it. I’m always down for a good time.”

I’m beginning to think Cu Chulainn, David, and I are never going to make it back off this table, and Emiya is starting to crack too.

“What the fuck is goin’ on?” asks Billy, kind of excited by this energy.

“No one tell the kid!” says Emiya again, this time in, I assume, all of our heads but Ritsuka’s, “I’m not kidding. I will end you.”

“We would have to be able to breathe to do it anyway,” I manage to think back from the table. My warrior’s heart feels Cu Chulainn agreeing with me from his own aching ribs three seats down.

“Uhm. Okay,” says Ritsuka kind of nervously, “I’m not really sure what’s going on, but, please don’t be mean to Mr. Salieri.”

“I’m not!” protests Mozart, intent, I’m sure, on making this even worse. “I love Salieri. I’m just trying to put some options on the table.”

Through the fuckin’ gasps for breath coming even from his thoughts, Cu Chulainn holds it mentally together enough to get a, “Including ‘on the table,’” through to the mental group chat before succumbing completely again, and it’s a fuckin’ murder-suicide to everyone else who knows what he’s talking about. Even caps Emiya, and I see David go back down at the end of the line.

We are strung out to be laughing like this like fucking high schoolers, I think, trying to regain any semblance of composure. Damn I hope Salieri was not one of the people who heard that.

Salieri gets up from the table and starts to leave.

“Wait! Antonio!” says Mozart, hopping right up after him, “Come back—I’m only saying it could be worth a shot.”

I consider going after them to make sure the Caster doesn’t get his head ripped off, but that now seems between them and God.

“Should I go after them?” asks Ritsuka, still completely lost.

“Uhm,” manages Doctor Archaman, who was spared Cu Chulainn’s comment, without a mental link, and is recovering faster than the rest of us, but not quite there yet, “Maybe? I’m not really sure. …I’m actually very un-sure.”

“Whoooo,” says David, wiping tears away with his palm, “What a morning, right?”

“Uhm...I guess I better should—I mean—I better. I should—I probably should,” stutters out Ritsuka, hopping up.

“I’ll come with ya,” offers Billy.

She starts to give him a grateful look, and then her expression changes.

“Everyone! Get out here! I don’t know what’s happening, but it’s really bad! Now!”

I have not heard the Caster frantic before.

“NOW!”

I am up before Salieri speaks, the others around me doing the same. I don’t know where those two went, but Mozart said ‘out,’ and we all think the same thing, and tear for the door. The Lancer doesn’t even bother, shattering a plate window and skidding out onto the street, fastest route between two points a straight line, and I follow on his heels.

I know the second I am out what they saw.

The sky.

“What?” I hear Ritsuka gasp. Fear, confusion.

Billy must have carried her with him.

I only vaguely register that.

Around us, humans in the street are pointing, whispering. Some calling out in alarm.

“Is that a bomb?” asks Ritsuka in a terror that must only come from living in the shadow of knowing what a nuke could do to a city.

It’s not though. I could feel that, if it was, even from a distance. But it’s.

It’s not heat and light. It’s nothing.

What the hell?

At the horizon ahead—

SHIT!

I turn and look, and it’s not just ahead of me. It’s behind. Left, right, all around.

Horrible, empty whiteness, at the edge of my vision. Like the world is an unfinished drawing outside the city.

It’s moving.

Oh fuck it’s moving.

Like a wave? No. Like…a scanner almost. Like a searchlight. The white emptiness on the horizon is streaking towards us, at a horrifying pace, and there is…nowhere to go.

Oh fuck. Everyone is about to die.

‘Everyone’? How big can—

“No!”

The most agonized sound I’ve ever heard.

I turn, and behind me, I see Doctor Archaman stumbling out into the street seconds after the rest of us, stuck running on human legs at a human speed.

There is an indescribable horror and terror and heartbreak on his face.

Like he’s done this.

No.

“This can’t!” He looks to David, who has gone white as a sheet, in desperation, “I-It’s not supposed to happen now! It can’t happen now! Not until the end of the year! This is impossible! There’s no WAY!”

He’s almost shouting at the sky, like he’s challenging the world itself on the reality before him.

“It can’t,” he whispers, broken and frozen in a moment of time.

Not like he’s done it. Like he…failed to stop it.

Something almost clicks in my head, but I know it’s too late now.

It is going to be too late for all of us in a second here.

No other idea what to do, I find Billy and move up, take his hand.

He’s set Ritsuka down. She’s still right by him, staring in horror at the whiteness descending on us all. When he sees me take his hand, he looks up into my face, and I see whatever he was thinking of doing, he lets go of the idea and accepts what I’ve figured out, looks at Ritsuka, and puts a hand on her shoulder.

She turns, face ghostly, and he gives her a look that says, “I’m sorry,” and she gets it too. Shaking, she takes the hand he holds out, and he pulls her against his chest. She buries her face there and shuts her eyes.

Ahead of us, Kotarou worriedly looks back at her, then moves closer and steps between her and the skyline, so she can’t see anything at all past him and Billy, and places a hand on her back.

In the streets around us, people begin to panic. Screaming, crying, standing still. Some run. I hear people deny this is happening; I hear a lot of them say ‘bomb,’ in a kind of horror I cannot being to describe.

I see Kotarou shut his eyes too, and hear him whispering words I can’t make out. I’m sure though, from the intonation, it’s a prayer.

I guess I should say one of those myself.

If there was ever a time.

“B'ní?” calls David frantically. He dashes so fast to Doctor Archaman I don’t see him move, and grabs the man’s arms. Doctor Archaman looks at him like a man drowning looks at the last piece of driftwood in a hurricane. “Think! There is a reason we met! We must have something!”

“We-?” Doctor Archaman looks at the skyline in desperation, and I see something like hope flicker to life on his face. “Archer!”

All of us look at him.

“Fuck! Emiya!” he corrects, pulling away from David to move, “Blade Works! It’s a reality marble? How long-? How many people—?!”

Emiya gets what he means immediately. “Go,” he says, I’m not sure if to him or to Cu Chulainn, or both, because both split the second he says it. He looks at me, too, like I’m meant to get something, and a second later I do. Oh shit.

“Billy!” I call as I hear him begin the incantation, “Get closer!”

I let go of him, and he grabs Ritsuka and runs.

“Please! Everyone! Anyone who can hear me! I can protect you!” calls Doctor Archaman desperately, screaming at the shop fronts and passers-by, the offices and stopped cars, workers, civilians. Anyone who could possibly hear, “Please! Get close! That thing is going to hit, and kill us all! If you get close to the man in red, we can save you! Please! Please it’s insane, I know this is insane, but look at the sky! Listen to me!” He turns in desperation and finds Mozart in the crowd, “Do something to show them!”

Mozart drags Salieri behind him and runs for Emiya, the sound of a piano suddenly in the air around him and bursts of flashing lights and sparks that mean nothing but spectacle appear around him, and people turn and look.

“Come on!” I call, shoving, trying to get people to move, “We can help you!”

It’s enough. Not for everyone, but in the face of the nothing descending on us, some people move when they see the lights around Mozart, and others follow, just to be trying, some last, desperate human attempt at life. I start throwing open doors, calling into buildings. The wall is getting here faster. On my far right, I see the Lancer who was doing what I’m doing a few seconds ago has now given up on persuasion and is just throwing people towards where they need to be.

Behind us, I hear Doctor Archaman call for Mozart to make the area of effect visible, and a second later a bright ring of gold light appears about fifty feet ahead of me. It’s much, much bigger than he made the phantasm last time. This must be the best he can possibly do.

Even so, it’s so little to a city of people. I see civilians in the street ahead of me rushing, trying to follow the shouts of, “This way!” and “Hurry! You can make it!” they are giving each other now, trying to reach us, trying to reach whatever is promising hope in the face of death like this. There’s no way they’re all going to make it.

I try. I run for them, and start doing what Cu Chulainn was. I see him far on the right, doing the same. Trying to catch people before the light, and throw them back towards the circle of gold Mozart laid for us. I try the first few times to not hurt them, but as wave of nothing tears towards us and the seconds I have left fall to single digits, I give up and just exchange broken bones for the surety whatever this awful, oppressive, horrifying nothingness bearing down us is, won’t get them.

It is like nothing I have ever seen, or felt. I dash between parked cars and am too late—watch the nothing wash over a man with his arm outstretched towards me. I see the terror on his face as it gets him. I grab his hand and pull, praying, and he comes back out of the nothing but a feeling passes from his hand into mine like my head has been ripped out by the nerve endings at the base of my skull, and left empty, and for a moment, it has been. I forget to move, or think, and the wall erasing a world reaches for us, and something grabs the back of my collar, and I am flung backwards. I hit the ground, and my head resets—pained, but still there, still my own, and I see Kotarou land with the man I saved in his arms, looking as terrified as I feel. He gives me an arm and I’m back up with him, returning to the wall of nothing now with the surety that anyone I am too late to save, is facing a fate worse than death. Somewhere behind me, I am aware of Billy and David and Salieri doing the same in other directions, Doctor Archaman and Ritsuka shouting, and Emiya reciting the last line of Unlimited Blade Works.

I grab people I don’t take time to see. I move like I have never moved before, in those last two seconds.

Behind me, I hear Doctor Archaman’s voice shout, “Now!” and I hear Emiya’s voice call out ‘WORKS!’

There is a surge of mana. People are clustered so tightly, clinging to strangers. We see the emptiness of the world erasing around us, sky, city, people, life. And as it touches us, we don’t.

Amidst screams, the landscape changes, and the sky is wrong, but it is sky. Empty, unmoving clouds, and gears the size of skyscrapers. There is a sun overhead somewhere behind the haze, and sand beneath our feet. An empty, barren hill and plateau, littered with swords like the headstones of a graveyard.

We all wait, a moment, to see if it will take. Wait for the whiteness to crack inside the grey sky here. Waiting to die.

It does not.

The seconds pass from four, to twelve, and we realize it is not going to.

We are not dead.

At least, I realize, finding Emiya, sweating, breathing hard, raised hand still outstretched, As long as the phantasm lasts.

[goddamnwebcomics]

Mason and Masonite talk and Mason thinks he has accepted his fate but guess who passes theeeeeeeem. Wait, did Mason not notice the dog and others waving at them. Mason KNOWS who Borzoi is, did Masonite just have another pair of eyes Masonite doesn't have? Do they share the same body after all? What the hell?

Gah, one thing I won't miss in Gene Catlow is the "Revelation" line, you know how Masonite here says "Never has my fate been clearer to me...

than it is now!" I swear I've seen that similar line in this comic like hundred times since the beginning. "It is clear to me...

I have a future!" And so forth. It's so goddamn lame.

[jblissed]

F L U T T E R

I was lost.

I am not being emo.

My heart was really lost.

I never had a proper relationship ever since high school.

My early college days was a period of time when I was so full of myself that I saw girls as ingredients to satisfy my lustful needs. I am not that bad though. I never went beyond what was legal. Everything was consensual. I'm not a hypocrite. I won't deny. All of it was hella fun. I won't elaborate but I'll just say it was wild for my generation.

All this shit went down while I kept my Smart, Talented and somehow Achiever College Boy Persona.

It was exhausting. Not physically though.

And this is what really baffles me. At that period, I was never emotionally attached to those girls. Yet how the fuck did I get so emotionally tired?

I just gave up.

Not just because I'm tired.

Its not fun anymore.

It doesn't give me the thrills like before.

So, I stopped actively looking for them

Deleted, blocked and burnt every bridge to the way back to them.

I kept one though.

A very old bridge to where the girl who broke my young heart.

An exception.

As this one was never part of the shitstorm.

She was my Firefly.

I always look for her when times are dark.

Even when her light shines for someone else already. I admire her from afar.

I guess I was still dreaming we could heal our broken hearts together when we meet halfway through that bridge someday.

Anyways, I got busy.

I started to embrace Smart, Talented and somehow Achiever College Boy Persona full time.

I get to appreciate the little joys of being in an average class. I have friends! Not fuck friends. But, friends-friends! I enjoyed the ordinary mundane things I shared with those people. I was happy.

Then, I noticed her.

This girl used to be a shy one before.

She was an average.

Yet the more time I spend with her, my eyes get clearer and her ratings get higher.

As old habits are hard to break, I teased her.

I called her cheesy names and cling to her almost all the free time I had. It was all fun and games until something changed. I looked at her small eyes, like the many times I did before when talking to her but somehow, this one time, my heart fucking fluttered. It was racing and beating triple time. So? Do I like this girl? I guess I do? I don't know anymore. It has been so long since I felt that. Shit.. I don't know what to do. Am I ready?

I'm lost again.

Or just confused?

I decided to contain my feelings first.

I don't want to hurt this girl. I know I like this girl purely. But I don't know If I deserve her.

And this girl deserve the world. She's beautiful. She's also really kind to me. I shouldn't taint her with my darkness.

So, I just continued being her friend who tease her a lot.

But shit it was so hard!

I tease her and she reacts cutely.

As I learn things about her from the sidelines, I continue to like her more.

She evolves everyday I'm with her.

I'm pretty sure she's not that shy girl anymore.

She's already butterfly in her own right.

My Butterfly.

But, by some whatever shit fate wants to mess with me, Firefly crossed the bridged back and I met her halfway through.

We talked and spent some time together. We reminisce about our past and laughed at our young experiences.I noticed something changed. A lot has changed! All those times I think about how I want to get back to her were based from my young heart. I matured. I still like her. But do I still love her? Even after all those years apart?

I'm lost again.

Or just confused again.

and why the fuck do I feel like I'm cheating on two girls who I don't have an active official relationship with?

My heart is fluttering.

Nope.

My heart is panicking.

This triple time beating is because of the nerves I feel for these girls.

They scare me.

I got this Firefly. She was the old flame that never burnt out.

Then, I have this new Butterfly. She's so pure she makes me wanna chase her all the way to end.

I'm fucking terrified.

It happened one night I spent with Firefly.

She's aware of the Butterfly I am fondly chasing.

She understands. We both do.

I had to make a choice.

I fucking teared up my eyes while I laid with her.

I told her all those years I want it to be her.

I told her I never really moved on.

I whispered to her ears, I love her so much.

And yet my heart broke..

As it knows it was a lie.

And her heart probably broke too..

As it also knows it was a lie.

We stayed in touch for a bit.

But eventually drifted apart.

For good.

My Firefly no longer shines.

Her light has faded to my eyes.

"You can catch fireflies,but you can't keep them. You have to let them go"

I am not lost anymore.

I am sure of it.

I realized,

There wasn't really a choice to make.

But rather a preparation.

Fate doesn't want me to chase the Butterfly.

Fate wants me to make her stay.

I had to let go of my past and accept the change that I must have.

A gardener.

To tend a garden where the butterfly will stay and flutter.

[vixthefantheorist]

Thoughts on Audio findings

I originally had this typed up on phone but THAT got lost when I had to put it down in the middle of typing to do something because it needed my attention. Came back to it to find that my tumblr app decided to close the tab... so all that was lost. -angy rifter noises- So starting this over AGAIN... I realized I never typed up my thoughts and guess of what was going on in the audio files. I was functioning at 4 hours of sleep yesterday and I had things to do but I had promised to at least get those files out there for everyone. I rushed to get them out there that my brain dead, too tired to think properly self forgot to do the... you know thing of explaining what I thought of what I found. And for that I apologize, I'm sure some of you were curious of what I thought about them and provide a theory for it. And I will provide it here.

But I do want to get something clear, I know I missed a few things in my run around deciphering audio; like Echo's conversation with Chase. I know people burn for it but with my current dismal skill of Audacity and audio editing in general, I couldn't do anything to see if there was any actual words in there or it was just sounds that only Chase (currently for now) could understand and leave us to guess what the hell was being said. For all we know the sounds Echo gives are some kind of code, I don't know. I don't even have the basic understanding of editing or usage of Audacity to even begin to pick that apart. The there's the whispers of Anti's mental assault on Chase's psyche, there's so much going on in there I... couldn't even begin to know where to start on working with that. That's why I gave the full audio of the video in the files I provided in my previous post. Take a crack at it and share it. Heh, We all want to know! Now, I can provide what I heard with a few audio bits. I'm sorry for the wait! I apologize for the volume for the files, I forgot I was wearing a pair of headphones that have its own volume so I had like 2-3x the volume control... which led me to not really change the volume in the files... but I will add these to the google drive for download and you can fiddle with the volume. Though in hindsight, I think that's for the best; with my shitty audacity skills, I could have blown out people's ears. And that would be bad. At least this way, you can adjust them to your own liking without going deaf by some idiot like me. XD First off, starting at 11:13-11:16. This little timestamp holds this Anti whisper...

Originally, I thought it said, "You can't hide from me." (It probably still does) But upon further fiddling around to make Anti's voice clearer, my thoughts on what he says changed. It sounds to me like he says, "You can't help his fate." Followed by his eye. Interesting! Given the fact his eye flickers on the screen like that makes me believe he's talking to whomever is watching through the camera in Chase's room. Meaning Anti is well aware of someone else in the room, watching Chase like he's watching even though he hasn't even shown up yet. Very much talking to US, the viewers, (as well as possibly the other party. Haha, nudge nudge, wink wink. Assuming he even does know they're there. Don't know) since we're the ones hacking the joint to seek out Chase. (Then again when haven't we been meddling around look for the Egos? As well as look for Anti? Come on, you know we were all there for sights of them all. He knows this and it doesn't surprise him that we're here. In fact, he's enjoying this. (I am so sorry, Chase! We were trying to help you, I swear!)) Speaking of that other party! We're at the set of lines I was the most curious of. On the Day Anti decides to drop by for visit to the IRIS facility we get to hear THESE whispers. At 19:58 - 20:04 A lot going on in there huh? But what little you do hear is that someone else (or a group) are already here. Why they are here, we're not sure. But I'll give you some clearer audio files of that same timestamp. I know its a bit hard to hear some of the dialogue in there I don't know how to clean it up any better, sorry. But from what I was able to hear (and probably lost my mind in the abyss of Audacity) is : "You know we have a plan. We can't be here."

"We have/got to go"

"Stop being stupid!" * The one saying "We have/got to go" sounds a bit like Echo... (or the pitch is high, very likely the pitch is high) And the last line... I don't even know where to begin with that one. It sounded like, *"Stop being stupid" "Stop sounding stupid" or "Stop sending stuff". The last bit of that dialogue is just super distorted and I don't know how to fix it, I'm sorry. But of the three guesses to that one thing, I just chose the one that made more sense for the argument. Now is the version of the same time stamp where we only hear Anti's demonic screeching. Settle down there, eldritch boy.

It might not be anything of actual value but the way it sounds, to me at least, sounds like Anti is screeching Chase's name. Creepy. But with all of these together... we can somewhat get a picture here. Besides us, the viewers being here to see Chase and try to find a way to help him, there's another party that's also there, making their own plan. What the plan is... I don't know for sure but I have a guess. Whatever the case is the pair (I don't know if its just two guys, two guys and Echo, or one dude and Echo, working together. For now I'm thinking just the two guys here) are arguing over what to do. These other files are what sounds to be the other half of the pair, arguing back with their partner of what to do. (20:07-20:08, 20:09-20:10, 20:13-20:15, 20:18-20:18, 20:25-20:28)

"No! We are going for it." This one wants to deviate from the plan and do something else while they have the chance, much to their partner's annoyance. But one of them states, "We gotta go." In confusion the partner asks, "What did you see?" Instead of answering the question, they merely urge the other, "Go." They seem to be aware of something, "Whatever happens happens." Suddenly an alarm blares, red lights flashing all over the place as Chase figures that something is happening from Arin's mannerisms and urgency to move. Those very same alarms seem to surprise our other party! One of them exclaiming, "What?!" at the alarm system going on. From the sounds of... My guess is that they didn't see that one coming. (-cue Last Surprise from Persona 5- ...I'm sorry I had to.) Though there is one piece of the whispers I can probably point out at 20:53-20:55. It sounds like it says "He won't give up." I'm not entirely sure, so if anyone can figure that out, cool. And as Chase is dragged down the hall, kicking and screaming, begging to be released... we hear one last thing... before things go silent in that hallway. (21:09-21:11) Anti whispering softly, "This is your grave."

*~*~*~*~*

My Summarizing Thoughts :

So what I can gather from all this... is that the same time we were poking around IRIS' computer systems, there was another party at the facility. I don't know if they were imprisoned in there as well or had broken in on their own. They had a plan of their own that they were going to do but I guess our meddling with the systems changed things for them. I don't know if they're here for the Stone Tablet or somehow planned it to be there to collect Chase and escape the facility together with the rock... maybe, I don't I'm just guessing here. But I don't think they accounted for our meddling which allowed Anti to speedrun (I can't help but think of Anti going "SPEEDRUN!" running around in there) the facility, forcing the party to go into action. What that action is, is anyone's guess. My guess though, is that they're going to try to rescue Chase. How, I'm not sure. Either intercepting from one of the T section of halls Chase is sitting at and block Anti from him or if Marvin is there or something, magic his ass out of there before Anti can kill him. Either case, that scene is not over! And I can't wait (of course I'll wait, I want Sean to have the time to make it as spectacular as he wants it to be and to do that, he needs time. I'm a patient birb) to see what that will entail and what will happen! Also I would like to apologize... again. I wanted this post out MUCH earlier in the day but I kept getting interrupted in my typing. And then, I originally wanted to add audio clips to talk about them, sadly I wasn't aware that there was a limit of how many flies/links one can add to a post. And I really didn't want to break this into two parts... so... here! A SUPER ASS LONG ONE! With timestamps to match to the files I gave. (Yes, I'm well aware there's a lot of files with the same timestamps, I will move those into a folder within the JSE IRIS Clues folder and leave it for anyone to see them if they want. That has been updated as I wrote this out) Well, I hope you guys enjoyed my thoughts on the files. I'm curious to what you guys think, or discover on your own with the audio files I gave. Please do share them, Sean did point out about looking into the audio so I hope there are others out there mining away at this to truly uncover the hidden clues within! At least we know there is another party involved! I'm sorry we screwed up your plans, honest! Please save Chase.

[delfiore]

better than losing you

pairing: wanda maximoff x clairvoyant!reader

synopsis: your abilities to see into the future couldn’t stop what you didn’t want to admit was the inevitable.

word count: 2.1k

warning: descriptions of blood

a/n: i’m sry for putting the baby through pain again :’) but i guess i just have, as lizzie puts it, a Bottomless Well of Sadness™️, and i’m putting it to use 🤠🤌

now playing:

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

You stared out the window, eyes glazed over the twinkling lights and the occasional spacecraft over Wakanda’s skyline. The king had been generous enough to let you stay in a room at his palace with a gorgeous view over his kingdom. Under any other circumstances, you would marvel at the sight, but tonight, the uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach was too distracting to enjoy anything else.

“Y/N.” Her voice snapped you out of your trance. It was a voice you never got tired of hearing. Her native accent had faded since the day you first saw her in Sokovia, but her voice remained sweet, sultry, and you loved it all the same.

You turned around just as she padded towards you, green eyes studying you under knitted eyebrows.

You watched her put her soft hands to your cheeks, hands many of her enemies fear when she would conjure monstrous blasts to throw at them. With you, they were just soft hands, like silk, gliding over and gripping your skin with tenderness and fervor each time you made love to her, and each time you were the way you are only for her to see.

“Can’t sleep?” Wanda asked.

Chuckling softly, you put your own hand over hers. “Bit nervous for tomorrow.”

“What is it? What do you see?” She looked adorable when she looked so concerned. You would tease her for it and poke her cheeks if things were different, but with the fate of the universe in your hands the next time you went to battle, you had no heart to do so.

“Lots of aliens.” You giggled. “Lots. And damn, are they ugly.”

It seemed your joke didn’t make her feel better, as the furrow of the eyebrows persisted.

“Hey,” you whispered, “there’s nothing you need to worry about. You think I’d let anything happen to you?”

“It’s not me I worry about.” She moved the hands on your face to your shoulders and the back of your head, her right hand brushing your temple. “You and your reckless behavior. Just because you can see ‘flashes of the future’,” Wanda air-quoted, making you giggle again, “doesn’t mean you’ll always be able to see all dangers coming.”

You smiled cheekily at her and leaned down to tap on her leg twice. She seemed to have understood what you were doing and wrap her legs around your torso, as your arms supported her from under. As you walked towards your shared bed, the girl buried her head in your neck and inhaled deep.

Slowly, you placed her down, the sight of her under you already making the pit of your stomach burn. Slowly, you leaned down, brushing a stray hair that obscured her eye, and lay a chaste kiss on her lips.

“I’ll be on my best behavior tomorrow. I’ll promise, m’kay?” You smiled down at her, as Wanda leaned into you eagerly, hands already looking to tug at the end of your shirt.

And on your best behavior you were.

At least in front of Wanda so that she wouldn’t worry. Visions of the upcoming battle bombarded your mind, and you were seeing a clearer picture of how it would play out, but not enough to grasp its endgame.

You peered out the window to see those aliens you saw last night attacking in hordes, your friends and allies valiantly holding them off. You told the truth last night when you said you were nervous. The buzzing of Shuri’s machinery didn’t help to ease your mind either.

“How much longer?” You asked, returning to the table where Vision was strapped down with robotic arms working on the stone.

“This is a very intricate process. You can’t rush it, or else we’ll lose more than time.” The young princess replied, arms crossed, watching her creation at work closely.

You felt a hand cover yours and squeeze your fingers slightly. Gazing up, you found the most beautiful pools of emerald, with the tiniest, determined smile. We will be okay, as if she meant to say.

You let out a relieving sigh and smiled at the girl, taking the slender fingers over yours to your mouth for a longing kiss.

Yes, we will be. I’m sure of it.

“Uh, Wanda? Y/N? A little help down here would be appreciated right about. . .” Steve spoke over the comms, as you heard a smacking sound, “now.”

“I’ll go.” Wanda said quickly.

“No. I will.” You insisted. “Stay here, block off the enemy when they come. Whatever you do, do not leave this room, you hear me?”

You lingered on her eyes for a moment, and watched the adorable creases returned above her brows. She touched your face; her hand was warm and it felt like home. It was miraculous how she could make you feel at ease in an instant. Even if the world was on fire, you’d be okay with it as long as you had Wanda.

She surged forwards, pressing a kiss to your lips, her front flushing against yours.

“Please stay safe.” Wanda whispered, after parting with you, placing her forehead onto yours.

You nodded and pressed another quick kiss to her. “You too.”

As you left, Wanda felt her heart began to pound faster with every step you took away from her.

You had seen how gruesome the fight was. Chaos all around, your teammates shouting at each other as maniac extraterrestrial creatures attacked to no end. You would cut down one, two others would jump at you.

Every once in a while you would tilt your head towards the glass panel peering into the room where Vision’s operation was taking place.

“Sam, Rhodey! Anyone with eyes on Wanda, how are they doing up there?” You said.

“Your girl’s shooting red plasma out of her hands, Y/N. I think she’s doing pretty good.” You heard Sam say as he swooped above you.

Which meant that Tall Scary Dude and Horned Raccoon Lady from Scotland got to the palace. But Sam was right, you were sure Wanda was more than capable of holding her own. You just hoped she could until you got to her.

An unnerving cry rang out behind you, just as you witnessed a soldier being devoured by two of the monsters. Around you, the army of aliens seemed to have duplicated. You fought, nevertheless, against one enemy to another. You fought despite the pain that cut like knives in your lungs, suffocating you. Whatever you did, you willed yourself to continue, for you know this was your purpose, for the woman that you loved.

“There’s too many of them!” The Wakandan royal guard, Okoye cried out as she stabbed her spear through an alien.

“We must keep going! Do not stop until every last of them is dead!” Said King T’Challa.

You could almost see it. As every defender of the universe slayed the monsters, the clearer the vision of your victory. You followed the Wakandan king and didn’t stop.

Suddenly, the sound of glass breaking caught your attention. You twisted your head around and widened your eyes; Wanda was free-falling while Horned Raccoon Lady clasped onto her. Your feet acted before you, and took you bolting towards them, but before you could get there, Wanda had cushion their fall with her powers, and their fight continued.

She left the palace which meant the tall alien would follow her, which only meant. . .

You pushed the thought aside as you charged. Wanda had managed to swat the enemy aside.

“You okay?” You hugged Wanda tight, and upon releasing her you noticed a thin cut on her left eyebrow.

“Yeah. You?” A smile rose on her face.

“Super.” Nodding, you turned towards Thanos’ disciples just as they regrouped and in defensive stances.

“We’ll finish what we started before your friends came.” The female warrior growled, her voice low and menacing. “Only now, you won’t live to return to them.”

You looked at Wanda, determination burned in her eyes.

“We’ll see about that.” She said, conjuring another blast in her hands.

It was going quite well. You and Wanda managed to hold them both off, in addition to the occasional alien troop eager to spill blood. That was until you heard Banner shout.

“Thanos! He’s here!”

This only seemed to have fueled your enemies, as their hits only became more frequent. In your moment of distraction, the male warrior smacked you across the face with the blade of his polearm, tossing you aside like a ragdoll.

You were bleeding in your mouth, that much you knew from the metallic taste. You weren’t seeing things straight either, as your head pounded and you felt like you were going to vomit. Through blurred eyes, you saw Wanda, your sweet Wanda, still fearlessly fighting, and she had managed to lift the female warrior in the air as one of Thanos’ machines rammed into her, leaving no traces other than splashes of blue blood.

The male warrior roared, as he charged at Wanda headfirst, his polearm pointed at her.

This was it, you thought, the path to victory.

You didn’t think, you couldn’t, and met him halfway, climbing onto his back and putting him in a headlock as you gripped your blade tightly. You struggled but, in a swift motion, managed to thrust your blade into his throat, as the creature let out a rumbling scream.

Wanda turned around to look for you, only to watch you struggle on top of the alien, as he grabbed you by the neck and buried his weapon deep into your stomach.

“NO!” She shouted, using her magic to tear him away from you, and twisted his head in a fatal angle. His disembodied corpse landed next to you with a thud.

When she looked back at you, you were on your knees, the warrior’s polearm still pierced through you, and red blood gushing out like streams of a river.

“No, no, no, no.” She held you in her arms, your blood staining her clothes. But she didn’t care; she needed to stop your bleeding, she needed to get you to stay conscious, she needed you to make it through this—

“Wanda. . .” You choked, blood splattering from your mouth, drizzling down your chin.

Her hands conjured a red ball to apply pressure onto your wound. “I’m sorry. I know you said to stay in the room, but I—“

“It’s okay. It’s okay.” You forced a smile through half eyelids.

“No, it’s not. You—“

“Wan, listen to me.” You said. “This is my fate. 14 million chances, one. . .win.”

“No—”

“This is my purpose, Wan. We won. We won, darling.”

“It should have been me.” Wanda sobbed, cradling your face in her hands.

“No.” You clasped her hand, painting it red. “Better me t-than. . .you. Never you.”

“Y/N, please. I love you. I-I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, not. . .your. . .fault. I love you. . .always.”

“You know, after all of this, we should buy a house somewhere.” She mumbled into your neck.

“You think?” You giggled, looking down at her.

“Yeah. I was thinking maybe a small town, like small, one that no one would know if we told them the name. The house would be big, but just enough.”

“Two stories?”

“Mmhmm, and a backyard.”

“Cats?”

“Dogs.”

“Both.” You deadpanned, grinning at her.

“Then it’s decided.” Her legs wrapped around your waist, securing her place on top of you. She took your hands and intertwined them with hers.

“So it is.” You whispered, sitting up to meet her lips halfway.

“It’s okay. ‘S okay. Don’t worry. Not your fault.” You whispered, smiling.

She watched the life draining from your eyes, just as the last of your tears left them.

It had happened so quickly. Her emotions got the better of her and she yelled at the sky. A red blast radiated throughout the entire battle, vaporizing every alien troop instantly. Thanos, having been taken by surprise, after an attempt to shielding himself with the remaining Infinity Stones, was knocked unconscious by the blast.

Bewildered, her allies turned to look around them. Only a moment before it was chaotic and cacophonous, now there was only a deafening stillness rolling out across the field.

Only the sound of Wanda’s quiet cries persisted, as she clutched you in her arms, dirt and blood entangled, praying to any god out there that might let the life return to your face.

The Avengers won, but Wanda had lost everything.

[youryanderedaddy]

Bewitched

I say fuck writing schedule m’rite hahaHa... 

Dynamic: Yan!witch hunter x witch darling

Summary: You get captured by the village’s witch hunter but he might just let you live if you prove to be useful.

tw: nsfw, non-con, threats, mention of religous themes (God, Devil, etc), kindapping, obsessive/possessive behavior, slight violence, degradation, vulgar language

 You could hear something. It was different from the sweet songs of the birds early in the morning or the restless howl of the wolves just before the clock hit midnight. And the smell was different too. There were no daisies, roses, magnolia or herbs to cleanse the air from the nasty smell of humans. Your clothes reeked of someone unknown, someone mortal and cruel, foolish down to their heart. Your hands were tightly bound, your shoulders pushed back in a way it was hard to feel the energy running in your own veins. There was a leather blindfold over your eyes, dulling your senses until you felt like nothing more than an animal trapped in a cage. As soon as despair managed to find its way into your lungs he entered the room and you knew instantly it had been him who had captured you.

 "You are awake." The man noted quietly as his heavy yet careful steps got louder, closer. Soon his hand was resting on your thigh, drawing small pictures, initials, anything to throw you off balance and keep your mind closed and your inner vision too blurry to focus more on killing him and less on the shame his touch brought. "The village paid me to kill you. We know you are a filthy creature of the night." He spoke trough his teeth in a eery, off-putting way. You could feel the cold sharp end of his silver dagger poking at your exposed collarbone, near to your neck. One inch away from a fatal wound, one move away from taking your life forever.

 "Go on then." You taunted the hunter while licking your scarlet lips, your heartbeat still violent with no sign of slowing down any time soon. "Kill me." You whispered despite the fear tearing at your insides like a wild beast. The blade suddenly pressed harder against your skin, enough to make you still frozen but lacking the actual strength to pierce. The human knelt down next to you, never dropping the deadly weapon from its sacred spot on your vulnerable neck. "You are a witch. The Devil's own spawn and blood. I just can't let you live among us." The man uttered quickly like a curse yet made no attempt to move the edge deeper. And you wanted to tell him everything about the sisterhood and the way all of you lived in peace and quiet until the villagers started killing off your friends for existing. The way you loved nature and harmony and despised violence, but of course the human would never listen to a dirty sorceress, a witch. So you just stayed there motionless on the ground, reconciled with your terrifying fate and its twisted ways.

 Meanwhile the hunter let the dagger penetrate into the warm flesh, drawing a few drops of fresh blood, and it dripped onto the floor like a brook of suffering. But the man was hesitating - his palms were sweaty and his eyes were hazy, he was unsure. After a few painful moments of indecisiveness he finally pulled the blade away and threw it in the dark corner of the room. The following silence filled the space with tension so heavy it could suffocate until the villager opened his mouth. "You have seduced me with this unholy body of yours." Adam said sternly and clenched his fists. "That's why I can't kill you." His voice was low and dangerous yet desperate and defeated. "I saw you back then in the forest." He started off as his hand traveled to your cheek and stroked it gently. "You were dancing around and picking flowers. You looked so pure and beautiful - like an angel. I couldn't stop watching you." The hunter confessed quietly and you felt his cold lips on yours. The kiss was bitter, soaked with the humiliation of his advances and the knowledge he had you at his mercy. "Damn your evil magic for making me feel this way". The man dragged his teeth through your lower lip and bit down in anger, moaning into the forced act of fake intimacy.

 He pushed you down aggressively, the ropes digging into your bruised flesh even more now. You couldn't move your limbs at all and you felt too tired to argue or yell at the man. It was clearer than a day that he was obsessed with you but it was far from your doing. If you had known just how easily humans became fascinated by beauty and youth you would have thought twice before using their forest as a home. And as much as you wanted to curse the cruel man forever your heart just couldn't let you harm someone with a beating heart. You were stuck and he was touching you everywhere with a palm so warm it felt like wax on your sensitive skin. Your long black dress was ripped to shreds and all the red beads from your necklace were rolling on the floor as a mockery to your title. You were stripped down to your bones and left with nowhere to hide from the monster trying to break you. The energy in your body was gray and filthy, too weak to do more than upset you even further. 

 "I am going to make you mine tonight. I will use you like the dirty pagan slut you are." Adam cupped your breasts together in a swift move and you shivered at the contact of flesh. His words were painful and didn't help ease the fact that it was the first time someone had touched you in such a private place. In no time your eyes had filled with tears you were too proud to spill but too scared to hold back. "Aww, are you crying, wench? Go on, cry some more for me. When I'm done with you no one will want you. You'll be ruined for anyone other than me." He cooed at you and took hold of your naked legs, spreading them apart which caused you to break down in a pitiful mess of tears, snot and hushed breathes. "You should be greatful I am letting you live. If you weren't so beautiful I would have killed you in an instance." The hunter kept going, his voice low and deprived, his hot fingers brushing against your belly, the disgusting feeling in your guts making your chest tighten, caging your bleeding heart inside. "You are lucky I like taming wild animals." He continued harshly, a crazy look in his enlarged pupils so blue and clear, yet so intimidating and suffocating to its victims.

 You inhaled sharply in a desperate attempt to calm your nerves and begged the villager with any strength left in your trembling body. "Please stop, please, for the love of the universe, just don't do it, just let me go and you shall never see me again." In reply the man simply smirked maliciously and licked his lips as he positioned himself over your open, exposed folds. His hands were rough and grabby, roaming over your frame and groping, digging, pinching every little curve. You prayed to both nature and the Gods above someone would come and take you away from this nightmare but to no avail. "No one will save you, witch. If they find you, you're dead, so you better be nice and quiet like a corpse while I take you." Adam spat out with poison and without any warning thrust his massive manhood into your tight entrance. The pain was sharp and piercing, white and hot. This time you started crying out loud in despair finally having realized you were truly alone. The humans wanted nothing more than to see you burn and now you were getting punished for being different.

 The man didn't spare you any moment of suffering. He would place wet kisses all over your body, bite at the soft flesh until red and scratch any time he felt the need to hear your miserable whines. "Look at the way I'm splitting you open on my cock, you are so damn tight. I wouldn't have guessed you were a virgin if you weren't bleeding like a little bitch." Adam chuckled darkly and hit your cervix over and over again until the pain turned into something else you were too ashamed to name. "If you ever try to tempt someone else with this sinful body of yours I'll fucking kill you." The man cursed under his breath and brought two finger over your clit, stroking it gently and drawing cicles. You threw your head back at the sudden jolt of pleasure and closed your eyes, trying to distance your mind from what was being forcefully done to your anatomy.

 "You feel so good around my cock, so pretty with your tits bouncing every time I pound into you. I love you so much." The hunter suddenly uttered as he slowed down the pace, driving into you with careful thrusts before going back to roughly shoving his length into your sensitive hole. "Say it back." He ordered lowly and smashed his lips on yours pushing his wet tongue all the way in, his hands messaging your breasts and toying with the stiff little nipples on top. You gained the courage to shake your head no so the villager wrapped his fist around your slender neck, giving it a light squeeze as a warning. You had no choice but to mumble a soft "I love you." when your survival instincts took over your dignity. Your sweet broken voice was enough to send the man over the edge and he came violently in your tight channel while whsipering all sorts of terrible, filthy words into your ear.

 You thought the torture was finally over but your hopes were quickly shattered when Adam pressed his fingers over your overestimulated bud and flicked it around, your mind finding it hard to copperhead the intense pleasure after the pain. "Cum for me, wench." He commanded you harshly and kept playing with your love button until your pussy clamped down and you experienced your first orgasm at the hands of a filthy, egotistical human.

 The male stroked your hair gently but still didn't move to undo the ropes keeping you restrained on the hard floor. "I've always wanted you." The hunter admitted in the next moment. You wondered whether you wanted him to shut up or keep rambling to distract you from the shame and humiliation. Your eyes were red and puffy from the sobbing and your head pulsated with dull pain. "I'll never let them catch you." Adam reassured you quietly as he drew small circles on your arm with his knuckles. "I will keep you forever, my love. It doesn't matter that you have succumbed to the Devil because from now own you are only going to serve me." He kissed your neck softly.

 "I'll become your God."

[fallinfl0wers]

love stories with some genshin boys i thought of while listening to my playlists

includes: aether (210 words), xiao (261 words), scaramouche (277 words) and albedo (307)

warnings (?): spoilers of ‘we will be reunited’, english is not my native language and uhh idk what else, idk really know what these are, headcanons ?? snippets ?? also not beta read and not edited.

it’s long so uhhh i’ll add a cut somewhere

anyway enjoy!! ...whatever this is i guess

Aether

Falling in love with Aether is like a fun adventure. He, being always the center of attention and the protagonist no matter where he goes, is a free spirited, kind and hardworking man. 

Throughout your time travelling and being in a relationship together, you’ll find that your relationship with the Honorary Knight is one of sweet kisses under the sunlight; innocent handholding while thinking up of what to make for dinner tonight; of easily talked out arguments and finding ways to compromise; of softly pushing each other to become a better version of themselves and, most of all, of supporting and having each other’s backs no matter what.

And when Aether confronts the Abyss Princess face to face for the first time and his world comes crashing down on him, this trait of your relationship shines like no other, as you hold him in your arms after everything was over during the night, Paimon sleeping soundly next to the both of you inside your improvised campsite.

“Even though I’m not sure what -or who- I should believe anymore, I... I know I want to see this journey to the end, and I want you to be there with me for it. Let’s be together until the last moment and beyond.”

Songs:

Snow Fairy - Funkist

Snowing, be honest with yourself and smile When two people are getting closer, time overlaps Fairy, where are you going I will gather all the light and shine it on your tomorrow

Still Lonely - SEVENTEEN

This cursed popularity. Why won’t it leave me? But why am I getting lonelier The early morning chill makes me feel Even lonelier today I feel completely empty, as if I’m empty

Kanpeki Gu~ no ne - Watarirouka Hashiritai

I'm at a loss for words, with this and that, I'm totally in love with you Someday, I want do the same to you: Watch you flounder, At a loss for words right back to me!

Side by Side - The8 from SEVENTEEN

I want to hold hands with you but I don't know what to do what to do oh baby I want to give all my heart to you but You still don't know what's in my heart

Hope - Namie Amuro

At the end of this blue, wide world there's a place I want to aim at with you We chose this long ago for eternity

Xiao

Falling in love with Xiao is like living a bittersweet dream. The Vigilant Yaksha is far from human, or so he says, and thus is out of touch with the way we mortals experience feelings, both the negative and positive ones.

Your relationship with him is one of compassion, mutual understanding, appreciation and patience. So, so much patience. Of intertwined pinkies and soft stolen glances, of shy smiles and comfortable silence sometimes filled with your voice chatting time away and his short responses to your talks.

I mentioned patience. He knows you’re making an enormous effort to try and understand him and be patient with him and his slow learning process of how relationships work, so it’s only fair that he makes a true effort to understand you and your feelings.

Xiao is well aware that he could hurt you without wanting to, be it with his blunt phrasing of his thoughts or his Karmic Debt, as much as he is aware that you will eventually pass away and leave him behind to go somewhere he can’t follow, and that undeniable truth haunts him every second of every day he gets to spend with you. And still, he wishes and wants and does cherish each and every warm, kind feeling he gets every single second you’re together nonetheless.

“I might not know what to make of these new feelings you gave me. But I’ll learn. I promise I’ll learn, so please... don’t go, not yet. Let me treasure you and carve you into my memory for as long as I can.”

Songs:

Euphoria - BTS

I don't know what this emotion is Perhaps this is also the inside of a dream A dream is the blue mirage of the desert Deep inside of me, a priori I become happy to the point of being unable to breathe The surroundings, bit by bit, become clearer

Fallin’ Flower - SEVENTEEN

While flower blooms and falls, scars cure and buds shoot We are living our first and last moment So I won’t take you for granted Because you loved me as I am

Fear - SEVENTEEN

Get out my mind I can't handle it, I'm afraid of myself The truth has me tied up My heart is tainted I'm afraid it'll eventually change you too

The Truth Untold - BTS, Steve Aoki

It’s my fate Don’t smile to me Light on me Because I can’t get closer to you There’s no name you can call me

You know that I can’t Show you me Give you me I can’t show you a ruined part of myself Once again I put a mask on and go to see you But I still want you

Tiny Light - Akari Kitō

Because you colored my unchanging monochromatic days Even the blurred darkness gained meaning

Still, hidden in this heart, these feelings of preciousness so strong that they hurt I just want to convey these feelings to only you before they disappear someday

Scaramouche

Falling in love with Scaramouche is like constantly playing a game. He’s strict, demanding, disagreeable, and widely disliked by enemies and allies alike. Still, he has a heart too; and he holds desires and hopes deep inside of it, although most of them are fueled by the unchanging curiosity he has towards the world around him, curiosity to know what he can get out of whatever the world wants to throw at him.

You were no exception to that rule, at first.

When he met you he wanted to get something from you. And you knew it from the start, just as he knew that you knew. And that didn’t change anything, at first.

Your relationship with him is one of dangerously playful, yet still light-hearted games of seduction, teasing and deceit; of secret kisses exchanged in expensive private rooms in restaurants or the cozy warmth of your home, of an unspoken shared respect and, most of all, complete, mutual devotion.

You know Scaramouche is not a good man. He has done many, many unspeakable things in his life as one of the Eleven, and he knows he’s far from being the perfect charming prince you could aim for, but he will never let you go. Because behind those hardened walls of egocentrism and pride, you saw what no one else bothered to see. You saw him, not the role he was playing, you saw him and fell in love with him.

“To be honest, I don’t think I could find anyone else who understands me as much as you do. And no, I’m not saying this because I want something, give me some more credit, geez...”

Songs:

soldier game -  µ’s

You'll come with me, yes? You've grown curious about my touch, yes? Then it's already love Since you're someone I must meet in battle someday, That might just be your reason It's soldier game Though we've met again, I'm soldier heart

Kowareyasuki - Guilty Kiss

Just stop it already and show your heart only to me I love your eyes that are about to cry And your defenseless, clumsy way of living too (...) The hesitation you convey makes my chest hurt Some people just don't know what such kindness is But then I discover the truth When we got together, you don't have to endure anymore Right now, show your grief only to me I like that you think too much The complete opposite of me

Shhh - SEVENTEEN

Don't think of all these as your mere illusion They're not lies that follow the moment No one can underestimate it, my feelings are an ignition 'Cause I'm always the same Me and you, we got hurt by the lies that we won't ever work But it's fate

(...)

So I can cover you from danger A consented dedication

(...)

It's as natural as breathing An everlasting dedication

Good to me - SEVENTEEN

Yeah, when you were making that sign in my heart It was a long time since my firewall broke down Pass with the password What in the world do you know about me? Are my deep feelings seen by you?

Hiraishin - Keyakizaka46

(To trust is to be betrayed, to open one’s heart is to get hurt So to avoid being struck by lightning-like sorrow…)

Which side am I picking? Ah, these values are hard to handle That’s why I won’t stop watching over you Positive positive positive You should just be yourself… I can forgive whatever absurdities you pull off I’ll support you without being noticed Even when you get nitpicked I’ll be your companion Let us now promise to live an unremarkable life hereafter What we have here is the lightning rod of love

Albedo

Falling in love with Albedo is a fairy tale-like experience for both of you. His attention had always been focused on his research, everything else fading into the background save for a few exceptions, until you came around. You, who stole all his attention by just existing. 

As an alchemist, he’s naturally the curious type. He wanted to know what about it had caught his attention, what was so special about you that had him clinging to your every word and movement every time you interacted with him. Still, human relationships are hard for him, and he figured you might go away the second he started to feel burnt out from your interactions. But you didn’t. Instead, you stayed. You stayed and took interest on what he did, asked questions, gave your insight, and dragged him to sleep when he needed a break. In exchange, he did the same for you.

Your relationship with Albedo is like one of those awkwardly sweet first time crushes. Of carefully calculated movements, dates and compliments, of soft kisses on lips, hands and cheeks, of mutual support, understanding and mature compromising and commitment.

The Kreideprinz, like everyone else, has his own fears and insecurities, especially regarding his... nature, but he does his best not to let them affect the relationship he has with you. Each moment spent by your side, even when he’s not actively doing any research, is considered perfectly spent, meaningful time.

“A long time ago, I was tasked with finding out the meaning of this world. Though I have directed my efforts and resources to looking for the answer through alchemy, ever since we met I... think, I’ve found an unexpected conclusion to said issue. While it’s likely that this is not the answer expected from me, I’m positive that, at least personally, I finally have the answer.”

Songs:

Futari Saison - Keyakizaka46

In the wind blowing through the city’s streets, even though I caught whiff of something’s scent, I had no interest in looking back

In a 1m radius around me, I formed an invisible barrier to another world And yet, you took someone like me out of it

What made you do that?

Home - SEVENTEEN

What can I do? Without you I’m just an old robot, my heart stops and it’s always cold What can we do? Without me You’ll struggle just as much, so what can we do?

Baby, I want to cherish our warmth So no one can come between us

Flower - SEVENTEEN

You taught me, you showed me You’re my only reason If you can forever remember me I can get hurt, I can get hurt

My heart that’s engraved with your light Makes me stronger Give me your sharp thorns Cause you’re my flower

Oh my! - SEVENTEEN

Sorry for repeating the same thing But this is all I can try using hard words But my true feeling is this, every everything

(...)

How about you? Is it hard for you to sleep because of me too? If you keep making my heart flutter What do I do?

Naze koi wo shite konakattan darou? - Sakurazaka46

Why hadn't I fallen in love? I've been making fun of it all this time I mean everyone keeps saying 'I love you' just like cats in heat But after falling in love I realized what people live for To meet, to love, to the point of nothing but... I'm not myself, I want to find my true self.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Looking For A Place to Happen 6

Warnings: non-consent sex and rape (series), age gap, general stupidity, some violence and threats, drunkenness, some content not warned.

This is dark!biker!Sam Wilson x reader and explicit. 18+ only.  Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Series Synopsis: There’s lots happening in Birch and you find it all too amusing.

Sister series to Smalltown Bringdown, When the Weight Comes Down, Little Bones, and Fully Completely

Note: The second last chapter of Sam for y’all! 

Thanks to everyone for their patience and feedback. :)

I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!

Chapter 6: Making stops along the way

💀💀💀

You laid on your side and hugged the covers as the bed shifted beside you. Sweaty, sore, exhausted, and the sun was only just dimming beyond the window. Sam’s broad back tensed as he sat up and stretched his arms above him. You could still feel him inside you, not that any reprise lasted long.

He said nothing as you heard the knock again. You barely noticed before but the pounding got louder as Sam pulled on grey jogging pants and chuckled. You groaned and hid your face against the duvet. Every move sent a thrumming pain through you, and agonized emptiness you resented.

Your knee hit the toy as it rolled against you and you flinched. Sometimes you couldn’t tell if it was him or the silicone stretching you. How had it only been a few hours? It felt like you’d been there for days.

“Damn it,” the voice grumbled from the other room, low and muffled by the wall, “I told you I was coming by.”

You recognized it from that fateful night at The Asp; deep and sinister. As brief as your encounter with the man, you could guess he was rarely anything but irritable.

“Calm down,” Sam replied lightly, “I got other things to do…”

“You got business,” Bucky retorted.

“Money’s in the bag,” you heard a soft rustle and a harrumph.

“Should’ve brought it direct,” Bucky complained.

“I’ve been taking care of your other problem,” Sam countered smoothly as you heard heavy footsteps move around the front room.

“I see that,” Bucky mused, his voice clearer, closer.

You lifted your head and quickly hid your bare leg and ass under the blanket. He chuckled as Sam neared and crossed his arms over his thick chest.

“She knows the rules now,” Sam said, “got it all under control.”

“Mmm,” Bucky lifted his chin and turned to Sam, “yeah, yeah, well… my girl…”

“Nice woman… stubborn like you,” Sam remarked.

“Stubborn’s a word for it. She’s, uh, concerned,” he said carefully, “about the girl. Says she’s young--”

“Not deaf either,” you sat up as you clung to the duvet.

He squinted at you and you flinched. Sam glanced at you and tapped a finger against his lips for you to be quiet.

“You know Steve’s girl is having that little thing at the bar. Her birthday or some shit.”

“Steve won’t shut up about it,” Sam rolled his eyes.

“He’s sweet on her. Too sweet.” Bucky sniffed, “Anyway, bring the girl, need mine to stop worrying.”

“Ah, sure, when was it again?”

“Tomorrow,” Bucky jutted his jaw out, “actually…” he peeked over at you as he thought, “take her by my lady’s place. The girls will be there getting all dolled up.”

“I’m busy--” you began and Bucky snapped his fingers at you.

“You said she knew the rules,” he pointed at Sam, “maybe you should remind her before I have to see her again.”

He turned and you saw his leather jacket as he stomped away, seizing a leather bag from the coffee table as he passed. The door slammed in his stead and Sam leaned against the wooden frame to look at you. He shook his head and sighed.

“Don’t know what it is about that man and women,” he gave a smirk, “but y’all sure do like to take the piss out of him.”

💀

It was easy enough to find any house in Birch, there were only so many. As you were realising too late, this was detrimental, not just to you but many in the thrall of the club’s clutches. There was no place to hide from those men and their cruelty.

He handed you your phone back before he let you go. He warned that you better use it wisely. He would meet you at the bar later; you were to make your way over with the group of women you didn’t know.

You neared the front door of the yellow house and knocked. You waited nervously, the cold air slipping in under your long jacket. A woman opened the door and you wondered if you were at the wrong place. Typical. You could even get lost in Birch.

“Oh, you must be the last,” she chimed, “I’m Mel.”

You smiled and awkwardly gave your name. She beckoned you inside and you added your boots and coat to those already by the door. You dressed for the occasion, Sam approved of the outfit with a growl after advising you to wear something slutty. You hadn’t worn the tight leather leggings and the strappy crop top since your club days in your two years of community college.

Mel looked you over but made no remark on your attire as she pointed up the stairs, “to the left, you’ll hear them.”

You ascended and the low hum of 90s music and female voices reached you from the slightly open door just down the hall. You neared and knocked as you waited tentatively. You knew Bucky’s girl from the bar but never had the chance to talk to her. You never did well with strangers, always the weird one, the funny one.

“Hey,” Bucky’s girl swung open the door, “just in time.”

“Um, hi,” you stepped into the small bedroom, “I brought tequila.”

You held up the bottle as you peered around. The mechanic was on the bed, her brows arched sardonically as she watched the quiet baker girl that sat at the slim desk and checked her appearance in a hand mirror. She hovered a stick of eyeliner in front of her face but never made contact with her skin as she bared her teeth. You put the bottle down on the corner of the dresser.

“I don’t know how to do this,” she wisped but quieted at her name as Bucky’s girl introduced them, “oh, hi.”

You smiled and stared quietly. You chuckled nervously and rung your hands. “Did you need help? I’ve watched some, um, Youtube stuff on it--”

“Sure,” she lowered the mirror in defeat, “I just don’t wanna mess it up.”

“That’s a lame present,” the mechanic said, “make-up? When you don’t even use it? I always knew Steve was a bitch--”

“At least he got me something,” she handed over the stick of liner as you neared and Bucky’s girl pushed a cushioned chest up from the corner for you to sit, “my pa never did.”

“Just because he’s less of an ass than your pa doesn’t mean he’s not an ass,” the mechanic spat as she pulled at the front of her stiff dress, black with little gems set into the fabric.

“Oh, and look at you, wearing that clown suit,” Bucky’s girl intoned, “we’re all in the same boat.”

“What kinda look you going for?” you asked as you cleared your throat.

“I… don’t know, something pretty,” she smiled meekly.

You nodded and looked over your shoulder at the bottle of tequila. You peeked back at the girl as she squirmed nervously.

“We should do some shots,” you said, “it’s your birthday, right? You should have fun… try to relax.”

“Her, relax?” The mechanic scoffed.

“Shots sound good, I’ll get some glasses,” Bucky’s girl said from behind you.

She left and you asked the baker to close her eyes. You held her head carefully as you stretched her eyelid and traced it carefully. It was much easier to do on someone else. You added a little wing and balanced out her other eye before you sat back.

Bucky’s girl plunked four short amber shot glasses on the dresser and poured as you went over the gift bag full of make-up with Steve’s girl. She chose a rosy shade of pink that you gently applied to her lips.

Bucky’s girl handed out the glasses. The mechanic didn’t flinch or wait before she downed hers. Steve’s girl frowned as she took hers and you gave a thank you as you accepted a glass. 

“I can already feel the burn,” the baker girl bemoaned.

“Come on, loosen up,” you raised your shot and downed it, “jeez, how old are y’all?”

“Old enough to know better,” Bucky’s girl said, “you know, you really got yourself in the shit but I’m sure I don’t need to tell you.”

“Oh you mean the local den of assholes,” you snorted, “shot, shot, shot.”

You encouraged Steve’s girl until she reluctantly knocked back the tequila. You took her glass and your own and went to the dresser. You refilled them and offered her the second.

“You really don’t learn,” the mechanic blinked.

“No, I do but I’d rather be drunk and miserable than sober and miserable,” you raised your shot, “and you guys, this,” you pointed to them, “the look, sure you got some years but you’re still young enough. You needa show some skin.”

“It’s below zero,” Bucky’s girl narrowed her eyes.

“The tequila will keep you warm,” you nudged Steve’s girl and mirrored her as you drained your shot.

“She’s gonna get us all killed,” the mechanic muttered.

“No, I’m gonna get you lit,” you grabbed the bottle and turned up the little speaker in the corner before shimmying over to her. You filled her glass and took a swig directly from the bottle, “also, I can hardly feel anything anymore.”

💀

“I’m telling you,” you slurred, “you can’t wear that! We stop by my place and I’ll get you the look.”

“The look?” Bucky’s girl interjected, “you mean the hypothermic style?”

“My nan has more style than all of you,” you stumbled off the main road away from the bar, “come on!”

“We’re gonna be late,” Steve’s girl squeaked.

“For what? It’s your birthday,” you grabbed her hand and ran ahead.

The other two followed a few feet back as you led them down to your nan’s house. You dragged her up the steps and leaned heavily on the door as you burst through. The smell of cigarette smoke met your nostrils as your grandmother appeared in the door of the front room and puffed as she watched you sway.

“Nan!” you dropped the baker girl’s hand and outstretched your arms as you grandmother swiftly sidestepped you and sucked on her cigarette.

“I see you’ve made friends,” she tutted, “try not to make a mess of my house or you’ll be cleaning it up, drunk or not.”

“We won’t be here long, we just need clothes… you got any of that wine left?”

“No more for you, girly,” she chided.

“Girls, girls, girls,” you turned back, “this is my nan. She kills bikers.”

“Shut your mouth, girly,” your grandma snarled, “you might be three sheets to the wind but words carry.”

“Do you?” the mechanic spoke up, more and more quiet as she imbibed.

Your nan gave her a long look. There was a moment of silence, understanding, commiseration. The old lady shrugged and tilted her head.

“I haven’t messed with bikers since 1978 and I don’t plan on starting again,” she butted out the cigarette in the empty coin tray on the console table, “go on, get what you need and get out.”

“Ugh, fine,” you moped away and waved the girls up the stairs behind you. 

You leaned heavily on the railing as you ascended and they followed behind you in disorder, several times supporting each other in the climb. Inside your room, you pulled open your closet and looked at the impulse purchases you never had a chance to wear. You don’t know why you bought them, they were all cheap and generic, but you were always a sucker for a sale.

“Here,” you handed the mechanic as shiny silver top with straps, “I should have something to go with it.”

You handed out clothes like candy, some of the tags still attached so you ripped them off clumsily. The mechanic ended up in the silver top and black pleather leggings, Bucky’s girl in dark blue dress with cutouts that you ordered in the wrong size, and Steve’s girl in no more than bright red bra and some high rise jeans.

“We’re gonna freeze,” Bucky’s girl whined.

“Suck it up and put your coat on,” you snapped, “now, we’re ready for fun!”

“Steve’s not gonna like this,” the baker moaned.

“You need more alcohol! Who gives a shit what he thinks?” The mechanic nudged her, “he’s a prick.”

“They’re all pricks,” Bucky’s girl giggled, “what’s this?”

You turned as she pulled out the bottle of Smirnoff hidden in your top drawer. It was still sealed because you didn’t like the grape flavour but she quickly broke the plastic. She took a gulp and scrunched her face as she held it out to Steve’s girl.

“No more, it’s too much!”

“If only Thor hadn’t dragged his girl off,” Bucky’s girl pushed the bottle to Steve’s girl’s lips, “but we gotta make up for her, don’t we?”

“Shit, shit,” the mechanic chuckled and grabbed the bottle as the baker struggled to swallow, “we’re gonna get in some shit, girls.”

“Is that idiot ever happy? Loki? What a dumb name?” Bucky’s girl snarled.

“They all suck,” you added.

“Ugh, don’t get me started on Sam,” the mechanic wiped her glistening lips, “preying on a kid.”

“I’m not… not a kid,” you hiccuped.

“You didn’t know who Aaran Carter is,” Bucky’s girl said, “you’re a kid.”

You laughed and took a swig and cringed at the burn of the vodka, “I’m an adult.”

“Sure don’t act like it,” the mechanic said loudly.

“Who gives a fuck? Tonight, we don’t,” Bucky’s girl said, “come on, let’s go see those bastards and show ‘em we don’t fuckin’ care.”

You snickered as you found your coat where you left it on the bed and the lot of you staggered down the back steps and around the house. The winter air crawled over you and sent a shiver up your spine. You hardly felt it in the warm glow of the alcohol; not the cold, not the dread that had lingered for days, not even the regret. You were completely and pleasantly drunk out of your mind.

[jayaury]

Berry Big Bimbo

A quick short story about a blueberry plant girl having some fun with a poor soul who wandered into her berry patch.

~ ~ ~

The cardinal rule of the Wire Woods was never trust a shortcut.

If Miles ever got out, he’d never disobey it again.

He shivered again as a wind swept through the forest, bringing with it the first chill of coming night. He glanced again at the sky, where a once blue horizon burned with evening’s reds and golds, peeking through the thick branches and leafy boughs. Stupid, stupid, stupid! He again shouldered his pack, putting on another spurt of speed. Day was bad enough in the Wire Woods, but night brought out the absolute worst. No one went near the forests after dark. Not unless they wanted to become the pet of some demon spawn residing within. Miles had no intention of sharing that fate. He just had to keep following the path. All paths lead somewhere!

He just hoped it wasn’t to the lair of a succubus.

Miles was looking up at the sky so often to check how long he had, that he didn’t notice the clearing until he was right in it.

He staggered to a stop, and not just because of the thick brambles that grew from the center of the clearing like a dark dome, but also because before him were a dozen paths spreading out of the clearing, spaced apart like the spokes of a wheel.

“Oh shit,” he groaned.

“Hm?”

Miles jumped, whirling about. “Who said that?” he demanded.

“Me of course!”

Miles turned with creeping horror towards the brambles in the center of the clearing. They were being parted by a pair of hands of a blue so deep it was almost purple. Skin of a similar hue came into view as the brush was pushed away, revealing a woman of jaw-dropping proportions, not the least of which was the fact her hips ended in a network of roots. She rested among the thorny bushes as if never even noticing their spikes, her breasts so large Miles wondered if she could even get up. Her hair spilled in richest green leaves, half covering her face, her lips a shade of purple they were nearly black, and so big and soft they made Miles blush just to see them.

He felt himself relax, but only just. Not a true demon. Merely a tainted. A melon or a berry girl. Weaker spawn of the demon’s taint. Though, he knew as well that the corrupted had threats all their own.

“Oh!” the plant woman cried, clapping her hands delightedly. “What a cutie came by to say hello. Hi! My name’s Tartiana. What’s yours?”

Miles felt himself blush a little when she said that, for her ample bosom tended to wobble distractingly whenever she spoke. “Um, Miles.”

“Miles!” she said, her tongue moving over her soft lips as if tasting the name. “Mmm. What a cute name. Perfect for such a cute boy.”

“Uh, thanks,” Miles said uneasily. He felt his cheeks warm with embarrassment. He hadn’t been called cute since he’d turned twenty last year. He glanced nervously about the clearing. “Are you alone?”

“Yup! Just me. Which is why I’m just so happy I got a visitor! It’s been soooo long,” she cooed, and Miles couldn’t help but notice how she fondled her immense, firm breasts. Like two great blueberries swelling on her chest.

“Yeah, I imagine.”

“Of course! Nobody comes out to the Wire Woods. And so late! I get so lonely,” she said, fluttering her soft lashes at him.

Miles felt his blush return, but wasn’t too worried. Such a bimbo wasn’t really a threat. He could outthink her, if it came to that. “If you’ve been here for a long time, does that mean you know where these paths go?”

“Sure!” Tartiana giggled. “I know these woods like the back of my breasts!”

Again Miles’s eyes were pulled to those wobbling orbs before he managed to wrest them back to her face. “Oh, um, great! Does that mean you know which way leaves the forest?”

“Totes!” Tartiana giggled and pointed to one of the paths. “It’s that way.”

Miles fairly sagged in relief. “Great! Thank you,” he said, turning down the indicated trail.

“Or, um, maybe it was that one?”

Miles paused as she pointed at the path in the complete opposite direction. “But…”

“Or um… oh gosh. It might even be that one,” she said, pointing in a third, completely opposite direction.

Miles glanced again at the sky darkening through the boughs. “Look, do you know the way out or not?” he said.

“Um, oh gosh. I’m sorry,” Tartiana groaned, fondling her bouncing breasts. “It’s just um… I always have trouble concentrating when my big, bouncy berry tits get all stuffed with juice.”

“They… um…”

Miles trailed off, his jaw slowly dropping as he spotted a bead of blue liquid drip from Tartiana’s puffy nipple.

“Oh gosh yes. I grow soooo much juice, you know,” Tartiana moaned, continuing to bounce her plump tits, squeezing them between her arms. “And no one comes down the paths ever! I can never find a nice boy to help me squeeze my sweet, berry juice out.”

“O-oh,” was all Miles could say, his head slowly nodding with the bouncing of those massive, blue breasts.

“But I always think so much clearer when they’re all drained out. All squeezed out. Like it squeezes out all my thoughts. All my confusion.”

“Th-thoughts?”

“Oh gosh yes! Not that I ever have many,” she giggled. “All I’ve got to think about is how full my tits are. How bouncy. How a handsome boy would just love to watch and touch them. Stroke and kiss them.”

Miles couldn’t look away. What was more, he was becoming aware of a far from subtle pressure in his pants. He cleared his throat, trying to shake himself from his stare. “W-well, if it would help you think, I guess I could… maybe…”

“Would you?” Tartiana gasped, her large eyes shining. She shifted in her bed of brambles, her large breasts bouncing. “Oh thank you, thank you! I knew you were a good boy the moment I saw you!”

Miles again felt a flush at those words, but decided not to challenge them. What business was it of his if she called him a good boy? So long as she gave him directions, she could call him the Baron of Gula. Besides, so long as he kept his head about him, he’d be fine. She was far too dumb to trick him.

Still, he approached warily. One could never be too careful in the Wire Woods, after all. As he came closer, the sweet scent of blueberries surrounded him like a haze. The strength of it stunned him, but on he went, making his way carefully over to Tartiana, ready to bolt like a startled rabbit at the first sign of treachery.

Tartiana merely waited, smiling, her big, ample breasts pressed out on proud display, her arms crossed beneath them, lifting them. Miles reached for them, only to hesitate. Something… something about this seemed… seemed wrong.

“What’s the matter?” Tartiana asked in a singsong voice.

“Um, nothing.”

“You’re not scared of my big breasts are you?”

“O-of course not!”

“Aw, it’s okay if you are. A little, maybe. They’re so awfully big, aren’t they? So big and firm. I mean, look at them!”

She bounced them in her arms. Miles’s eyes followed. Gods. They were so firm. He likened them to blueberries at their ripest season, her nipples nearly black. He swallowed thickly.

“I…”

“Aren’t they the best?”

“Uh… uh huh…”

“They’re just so big!”

“Yeah…”

“So bouncy!”

“Mmm…”

“So big and squishy and such silly bimbo tits!”

Miles swallowed again. He felt oddly thirsty. His hands hesitated.

“I’ve got a big pair of bimbo tits, don’t I?”

“Well, um…”

“It’s okay! Like I said, they make it sooooo hard to think sometimes. Why, when they’re full like this, it can be so hard to concentrate on anything else but how big and wonderful and full they are. And my juice is just so sweet. So tender. It just melts a silly mind to nothing!”

Miles swayed a little. “Um…”

“C’mon, baby,” Tartiana crooned, leaning up, pushing her big breasts closer so he could see the taut smoothness of those orbs. “Give my big bimbo tits a good milking.”

She was so close, his merest twitch brushed a finger against her breast. Tartiana gasped, moaning, her breasts bouncing at her sudden intake of breath. But the motion didn’t dislodge Miles. His fingers remained, as if glued to her ample bust.

And slowly, he leaned forward, engulfing her breast with his palms, marvelling at how huge she was. How heavy. How firm and big her breasts were. How they twitched with her delighted whimper, filling his hands as he hefted them.

“Mmmm! Oh, that’s it. Really fill up your hands with my bimbo berry boobies! Aren’t they so big and firm?”

“Yeah,” Miles breathed, fondling her ample tits. Pressing them together. Watching them squish and bounce in his hands.

“Ooooh, yes. Oh baby, just like that. Massage my big breasts. Good boys love big breasts. Good boys love milking pretty berry girls. You’re being such a good boy. Ooooh, but… ah… but it needs… needs a little something… something more. Gotta milk my big dumb breasts. My big, dumb, bimbo tits. Oh baby, I need your help. A little more. A little something more…”

Miles wondered what that could be. But then her arms were around his head. Were easing him forward towards a dark nipple dribbling her sweet juices. His mouth was so dry. So thirsty. He didn’t think. Instinct guided his lips to that nub.

And had him suck.

And suck.

And suck, like a good bimbo boy.

Sweet wine drowned his mouth and what remained of his resistance. He moaned, flushing hot as Tartiana’s milk splashed into his mouth. Onto his tongue. He drank it down. Drank it like a man possessed, his head spinning. His body warming.

“Mmm. That’s it. Ohhhh, what a good boy admiring my big, dumb breasts. Oops! But you’re getting it all over your clothes! We can’t have them stain. We gotta fix that, don’t we?”

They did. Had to… had to… He stopped trying to think. It was so hard anyway. And drinking was so easy. Burying his face in her big bosom as he pressed her tits together, moaning and whimpering, his mind lost in a drunken haze of lust and the bounce of her tits, he struggled out of his clothes, shrugging them off with her help. He was naked. Naked was good. So good.

“Mmmm,” Tartiana moaned. “Such a good boy. A good boy who loves my dumb breasts. And you know why he does?”

“Mmmnoooo,” Miles fairly drooled.

“Silly!” Tartiana giggled, booping his nose. “It’s because he’s a silly, dumb bimbo too! But oh gosh! Look how late it is! It’s all dark, and we can’t have such a silly boy wandering around the Wire Woods! All sorts of nasty demons would just love to play with you. Don’t you worry, though. Momma Tartiana’s gonna take good care of you.”

Some sense of uncertainty trickled through his mind. Miles lifted lips stained purple from her nipple. “But… um… I…”

“Don’t worry,” Tartiana giggled, guiding his head back down to her breast. “You can go anytime you want! Just as soon as it’s light out again. How’s that sound?”

Light out. Yes. Right. Light. He could wait for light. Miles smiled dreamily as he resumed sucking. Resumed sinking into the berry girl’s big, blue tits. Resumed being a good bimbo boy for his new, berry beautiful mistress. His cock sinking into the pleasured tightness of her pussy. His whimpers swallowed by her moans, his thoughts steeped in her bouncing breasts. He could do this. He could wait in her breasts for light.

And the brambles knit above their heads, steeping them in a pillowy darkness that would never end...

[inomios]

Beauty behind the madness || levi ackerman x reader || PART I

Summary: “You knew that under all of his layers of grief and rage there was something worth loving; he knew that under your easy smiles and sweet words there was something dark lurking. He wanted all of you and you wanted all of him.”

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Words: 7,4K

TG: Brief allusion to soldiers’ suicides; little description of a panic attack on the seventh part (I can’t feel my face); brief talk about death and addiction; and even though I wrote it all using gender neutral terms, at some point I used the term girlfriend because partner sounded too cold for the situation.

-        If you are triggered by some content that I haven’t mentioned, please tell me so I can add it to the list and prevent it from happening again.

Author’s note: Mushing my favorite album with my comfort character is being so much fun. I’m enjoying so much this process you wouldn’t believe it. The second part will be up next Tuesday, and it’ll be the ending. Please, share, comment and like if you enjoyed, it would mean the world to see your reactions and impressions. As always, English is not my mother language, so sorry for the mistakes.

                                                          . . .

1. REAL LIFE

He had carved on his soul, heart and mind the words that Kenny had once told him, back when he was a scared and weak kid under his wing in the Underground, back when Kenny had caught him crying in the dead of night over his mother.

‘Boy, you won’t survive a day with that attitude. Your mother was a whore and now she’s a dead whore, get over it. You don’t have time to mop over her, crying is for people who have nothing more important to worry about.’

Kenny, for better or for worse, had taught him many lessons that became the key to his survival, advices he would never forget, and this was one of them: ‘Grieving is a waste of time.’

Every second he cried over his mother was time he could have spent granting his sorrowful existence. He couldn’t let his grief control him, because missing his mother wouldn’t make him last another day, she couldn’t protect him now that she was gone. So, for better or for worse, he let his sadness and rage aside and started focusing on what was important: survival.

Grieve is a tricky feeling, it makes you think you can control it, while it just keeps bottling up until it explodes, and you better be ready for when that happens, because you may not be able to fix the mess it’s going to leave behind.

Levi thought he had masqueraded his feelings pretty well, he tried to shrug everything off, as if nothing mattered to him, but it did, and Kenny knew it and he loved to tease him about it, he loved to press his buttons, Levi had learned that pretty soon in the relationship, but he was trying to handle his feelings, he wanted to prove Kenny he was worthy of his time, that he was strong, that  he wasn’t weak, not anymore. So, whenever Kenny tried to get a reaction out of him, he kept his mouth shut, but he couldn’t water down the fire in his grey eyes and Kenny could see it, he always could.

‘You are as worthless as your mother, maybe I should leave you in a brothel too, then you would be useful for something.’

A loud howling laughter.

Levi’s brow twitched.

‘Did your mom have time to teach you how to read or was she too busy fucking half the Underground?’

He thought he had said something hilarious. He bent over his back.

Levi had a little knife clutched in his hand.  He was starting to see red.

‘You’re as worthless as your mother.’

He was pushing him to his limits.

Levi had already passed them.

He liked to think that there was a dark abyss inside of him, a bottomless place where he could hide all his emotions and thoughts, they were useless, so he ignored them, he kept them away, far from the surface. Levi thought that he could detach from his pain, but it was a part of him, and if you stare into the abyss for too long, the abyss stares back at you. The Levi who grieved was still there, looking at him, the Levi who felt too much but said nothing wanted to get out, so he did, he escaped from the abyss and took control.

He run towards Kenny, eyes gleaming with unshed tears, knife in his hand, aiming for his heart, but Kenny was faster, quicker on his feet, he moved just in time. However, Levi still managed to scratch his shoulder, he teared his shirt and he could see the blood slipping, tainting the white fabric.

Kenny got mad. Levi had never seen him that furious. He grabbed his scrawny body and gave him the beating of his life. When he ended, Levi couldn’t even move, he was lying on the floor on a puddle of his own blood.

‘Listen kid, I don’t give a fuck about your shitty problems. You think you’re special? Guess what, you are a piece of shit, just like everyone else. Everyone here has issues, solve them or do whatever you want to do with them, but don’t you ever dare to pull a stunt like that again, because I’ll will leave you here to die, boy.’

That was the second lesson Kenny had told him: ‘Control is vital.’

He thought that by ignoring his feelings he was controlling them, but he was wrong, he realized that when those bottled emotions caused him to be bed ridden a few days.

Instead, he decided to let his feelings out in really calculated moments, he started to canalize all his rage into more productive stuff, like cleaning. He liked to think that by cleaning he had control over something, there was something cathartic to him in scrubbing floors, doing the laundry, and mopping floors. It was the Underground, it was filthy no matter how much effort he put into it, but it gave him something he could focus on, something he could use to let his frustrations out.

So, he cleaned, for his mother who deserved a better live.

For the innocent child that he once was, who had been stripped from everything he loved.

For Kenny, who he despised and was cruel and ruthless.

For all the things he had to do to survive.

He cleaned and cleaned, and he never had an outburst again. He was in control.

Looking back, he is sure that part of Kenny’s fury that day was that a kid made him bleed. You see, Kenny liked to think of himself as some kind of god, a ruler, someone who could control everybody, someone who was holding your fate between his calloused hands. And when he hurt Kenny, both of them realized two things, especially Levi, who discovered this: ‘Gods bleed to.’

Levi learnt his third lesson that day. No one could control him, the same way he couldn’t control anyone. You are the one who makes the decisions, just be sure to choose one you won’t regret. Kenny had no power over him, he wasn’t a god and if he was, Levi wouldn’t bow down to him.

Kenny learnt that Levi, that child, had a fire within he couldn’t tame, Levi wasn’t going to be a submissive, brainless follower. He had potential, he had willpower, he didn’t really need him, but the boy didn’t know it yet. So, when the moment came, he left. He had grown to care about his nephew, at least a little, but Levi was a survivor and Kenny knew he would fight with teeth and claws until the very end. Therefore, Kenny left him with the only person who could protect him: Levi himself.

When Kenny left him at his own, alone again in the Underground, he learnt his fourth lesson: ‘Love is a risk he wasn’t going to take again.’

  2. LOSERS

Stupid is next to ‘I love you.’ He was pretty fucking sure of that.

He made a bow to himself: he wasn’t going to love anyone ever again, people are bound to leave, and whenever they left, they took away a part of him, and he was already too broken for that. However, life happens, and it turns everything upside down, it doesn’t ask for consent, so his plan of never loving again was ruined sooner than he would’ve liked.

Furlan came first. He wasn’t looking for a companion, at all. A companion meant more people to care about, a distraction, and he didn’t need any of that. However, Furlan managed to convince him that he could be useful to him. Whenever he looks back, he thinks that both of them knew that Levi didn’t need anyone, he could survive on his own, he was tougher than anyone else in the Underground, but he was alone, so alone, and a part of him yearned so much for someone that he let Furlan come with him.  

Their relationship was weird at first, not sure where the boundaries of the other laid, what they could do or don’t. Furlan didn’t want to overstep and piss off Levi and Levi didn’t want to overshare with him, he didn’t want to show him his weaknesses, but at the same time he wanted to spend time with him.

He remembers that there were moments when Levi desired to say something, talk about pointless stuff, but he never did, after Kenny he was deprived of human contact that he even thought that he had lost his voice. However, as time passed them by, they fell into some type of routine, boundaries became clearer. Furlan started to get Levi, how he would never start a conversation no matter how bad he wanted; how his mind was always plotting something; how he always had an ace upon his sleeve… Furlan grew fond on him, he knew that there was a lot Levi wasn’t telling him, but from time to time he got to see a glimpse of all the man he was under his façade and layers of secrets, and he wanted to learn about him, he wanted to be his friend, he wanted to have someone to help and he wanted someone to take care of him, he wanted to stay.

On the other hand, Levi liked how Furlan seemed to know when he could talk and joke around and when he had to stay silent, it was like he understood him, Furlan was prudent and chill, thinking before acting, and he knew when to fight and when to give up. Levi started to care about him, a lot, against his better judgement, he just hoped he wouldn’t regret his choice.

Then, Isabel appeared on scene. Levi was happy enough with Furlan, he didn’t need someone else to worry about, that was more trouble, more chances to get hurt. However, he soon found he had a soft spot for the girl. She was so energetic, so bubbly, eyes always gleaming with hope, she was a ray of light in the darkest place. She was messy, reckless and wild, she balanced them out. When she asked to join them, Levi wanted to let out one of his characteristic ‘Tch’ and turn his back on her, there was no room for compassion in the Underground, but he couldn’t, he was weaker than he thought. He couldn’t leave her at her own knowing she could get herself killed, he didn’t want to be like Kenny, he wasn’t going to be like him.

The three of them became a gang, well, not just a gang, a family too. They looked after each other, they looked after Levi, just like his mother did. They were the best criminals in the Underground, and sometimes Levi felt like a god with the world at his feet. He shouldn’t have forgotten his third lesson: ‘Gods bleed too.’ He thought they were invincible, they weren’t, they were no gods, life wouldn’t bend at their will.

When Isabel and Furlan died, he didn’t even have proper bodies to bury, he just did two little makeshift graves and carved their name on the gray stone. He was the only person who would remember them, so he visited them at least once a week (he still does), mainly during his sleepless nights, when no one would ever question or notice his absence. Talking with them was the only reason why he hadn’t given up long time ago, he was their leader, he told them to always keep going, to never back down.

So, he kept going, for his mother, for Isabel and for Furlan. For the only people who ever loved him.

Maybe he didn’t really keep going, maybe he just let life pass by, what mattered was that he was alive and fighting for a purpose, he owed them that, their deaths wouldn’t be in vain.

Why did he always have to lose everything?

Why there was nothing good in store for him?

He was bound to lose to lose everything.

Stupid is next to I love you.

He was so fucking foolish.

3. TELL YOUR FRIENDS

The mission had been a carnage, a lot of fallen soldiers. He could still hear their screams and see the fear in their eyes, more images to haunt him while he was sleeping, as if they weren’t already enough. He couldn’t save anyone, he never could, he was human after all, even if some people thought about him like a god.

He had had a problem with his ODM gear during the mission, the gas cylinders were failing and wasting too much gas, so he ran out of it pretty quickly, which costed him a seven meters fall, breaking his right leg, his left arm, a few ribs and a concussion in the process. He could have died and a part of him wished he had, then, the pain would have ended. Luckily, Hange arrived just in time to help him, he still thinks that maybe they knew what was going on in his head, that he had thought about giving up right there, and that’s why as soon as they arrived back home, they sent him to the infirmary, not wanting to leave him alone. Hange still says it was because he couldn’t take proper care of his injuries by himself. They both knew he had had it way worse than that.

The infirmary was clean, and that meant a lot according to his standards, but your desk wasn’t, not at all and it was driving him crazy, if he could, he would get up and clean it himself. However, you seemed unphased by it, every day you would drop more documents on your table (but no document ever left, they just kept piling up); he had seen you drop coffee on some paper and not giving a fuck a single fuck about it; you had seven books on your table, none of them related with medicine, you just had them there because you wanted; and if you asked him what irked him the most, he would say the brush, you had a brush in your desk and it was full of hair. He couldn’t get his eyes of your desk, and if you ever noticed, you never did anything about it; or maybe you did notice and since you are a little shit, you just wanted to see how far you could go before he went feral. We will never know.

If you had been any other person, like one of the members of his squad, he would have said something way earlier, but you weren’t his subordinate, you were a medic and as far as he knew, he didn’t have the right to scold you at your own workplace.

You were competent, you just talked when necessary and you would always ask him if he wanted something, no matter how many times he had said ‘no’ and whenever Hange came to visit, you would always talk with them and ask them about their experiments and research. Hence, Hange thought you were the sweetest person ever, they had even told him that he better not be giving you any trouble.

You both had an easy routine. You would come in first hour in the morning, trying to be silent with no success at all, you were so noisy, luckily for him, he never sleeps more than four hours. You would sit on your desk and write a letter, every day, who the fuck had so many people to talk to or how many things worth telling did happen in your life? Then, you would go out to get him breakfast and you brought more documents with yourself, his breakfast always came with a cup of tea, a shitty cup of tea, but at least it wasn’t coffee or juice, he didn’t know if you were the one behind the tea, but if you were, he was glad you didn’t work on the kitchen. After breakfast, Hange would pay him a visit and talk with him, his squad would often visit him after training and Erwin once or twice a week, whenever his work let him a little free. At midday you would water the plants on the window, you had once called them ‘Asphodels’ and after watering them you disappeared, at the beginning he thought you just went to eat, later on, he would find why you did that. The rest of the day was the same, you wrote and read documents and he would either look annoyed at your desk or he would vert his gaze at the window to distract himself.

This routine changed the second week, because you asked him two questions that made him be more comfortable around you.

‘Why do you look at my desk as if it were making you sick?’

‘Tch, because is making me sick, it’s dirty as fuck.’

Okay, not the best words, but you asked, and he answered. He would be lying if he said he didn’t feel better after telling you. You blushed a little and scratched your neck bashfully.

‘Sorry, I can be a little messy sometimes.’

‘I can see.’

That day you spent the evening emptying your desk, any other person would have asked you not to bother, but Levi couldn’t care, after all, his last thread of sanity depended on that desk. When you finished cleaning, you asked the second question.

‘You hate my tea, but you drink it anyways, why?’

He felt his ears getting a little red, and he just shrugged and looked away.

‘You are taking care of me, didn’t wanna be a bitch about it.’

You smiled, a smile brighter than the morning star, and for a fraction of second he forgot how the breath, but he obviously didn’t say a thing about it.

‘I promise you that tomorrow you’ll have the best tea ever.’

‘Tch, if you say so.’

He appreciated your gesture, kindness wasn’t something he was used to, it felt weird and strange to have someone to do good things just for the sake of doing them, it made him wary, he would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought that maybe you wanted to get something from him and that’s why you acted so nicely around him.

The next day, after writing your daily letter, at your then clean desk, you brought him breakfast with a steaming cup of tea. He drank the beverage under your expecting gaze and to his surprise it was nice, not the best tea ever made, but definitely not the worst.

‘It tastes better.’

‘Thanks, this time I followed the recipe.’ You admitted proudly.

‘How the fuck were you even making tea before?’

‘Instinct?’

He looked at you astonished, how come you were a doctor, but you couldn’t follow a three-step recipe? At that moment he thought his health was in the hands of dumbest medic in the area, however, he didn’t really care, well, at least not as much as he would have expected. You had something, an aura around your persona, that was soothing and endearing, rather than infuriating.

At the crack of dusk on that same day, he was the one who asked a question.

‘Who are you always writing?’

For a moment he swears he saw your happy demeanor quivering, as if he had opened a cage that should have remained closed, but you quickly fixed, the funny glint coming back at your eyes as fast as it had left. It was in that moment when he knew that you weren’t as shallow as he may have deemed you to be.

‘I’m just telling my friends about this annoying patient I have. Do you know he made me clean my office desk?’

Your voice was laced with amusement, you were trying to divert his attention to another topic, and he knew, but he was no one to press you about it.

‘Well, as soon as I’m free, I’m telling my friends about how my medic is a fucking shitshow.’ Too blunt, but you brushed it off.

‘They sound like a nightmare.’

‘They are.’

You smiled, yet again as blinding as the sun.

He didn’t smile, he didn’t even grimace, his face was as stoic as always, but for a split of second, a smile nearly slipped in.

To his surprise, he actually talked about you to his friends. When he had the medical lease, the first thing he did was visit Isabel and Furlan’s impromptu graves and talk about you. It wasn’t a lot, he just mentioned you a few times. It didn’t mean a thing, and at the same time, it meant everything.

 4. OFTEN

It didn’t mean a thing.

Not a single thing.

It was unimportant.

He was like that with everyone.

Except he wasn’t and he knew it.

What the hell was wrong with him?

He would always find himself at your door, not because he was sick or harmed, he just felt the need to see you. He didn’t even talk with you that much, he wasn’t good at opening up or even small talk. He was foul-mouthed, snarky and his words could cut deeper than a knife. You were soft, kind, funny and there weren’t uncomfortable silences with you, your presence was comforting. Levi didn’t get why he felt that way about you, he barely knew you, but you had something that drew him in, maybe it was the normalcy you brought him. You were a doctor, you healed people, you tended their injuries; you hadn’t seen the titans, you hadn’t seen comrades die at their merciless hands, you didn’t know what was outside the walls and he liked that. You were an escape. It was as if his life was only centered around Titans and his existence had no other point but to kill or think about to kill Titans: Hange were always babbling about Titans; his paperwork was always a painful reminder of fallen mates; Erwin was always tracing missions and plans; and the whole point of his squad was training to defeat those beasts. He never had a break, but visiting you felt like it.

He knocked at your door and it opened, you were at your desk, which was an unorganized mess then again, humming some song he didn’t know while you were reading some medical reports. And the asphodels in the window looked beautiful as always.

‘Hi, Levi.’ You looked up and gave him a smile.

Your smiles.

Oh man, he took them in like a dehydrated man would savor the first droplets of rain.

He just nodded as a salute and walked towards the window to see the asphodels.

‘Why asphodels?’ he asked, you loved those flowers, and they weren’t necessary the most beautiful.

To him you were more like yellow lilies, he had read somewhere that yellow lilies meant joy and happiness. They always brought a simile to one’s face because they are the true depiction of the sun, just like you were.

‘I don’t know, they are special’ you said with a small voice, the same haunted look in your eyes, the same that appeared when he asked about your letters.

‘I guess they are.’

A comfortable silence fell in the room. He was getting used to these havens of peace.

That night at dinner, he was sitting next to Erwin, Hange in front of him, looking at him quizzically.

‘What’s going between you and y/n? You’re always at their place.’ They ask.

‘Tch, nothing, I just visit them often.’

Lies

‘So, there is no ulterior motive, like, I don’t know, our Short king having a crush?’ Levi sometimes forgot how punchable Hange’s face was.

‘No.’

More lies.

Something was going on, they both knew, but he was too scared to think about what it was.

 5. THE HILLS

Another fight. More deaths. What was the point of it? He felt like he was fighting for a pointless cause, the more deaths, the less they knew. He would have to send more letters to the families, telling them that their sons and daughters fought bravely until their last breath and sacrificed their lives for the sake of humanity. However, broken families would come to him and ask him if it was worth it, if the death of their children, cousins, brothers and parents brought them answers, if their deaths meant that humanity was closer to taste the freedom they longed for. He had always said that no death was in vain, but he was starting to question that.

He had barely seen you after the mission, he retreated to his quarters, drowning himself in reports and regrets, if he had been better, he could have saved more lives, but he wasn’t enough, he was no hero, he was a human. He had been fighting his whole life and he just wanted it to stop, he wanted peace and tranquility, not more deaths at his shoulders, no more ghosts to haunt him at the end of the day.

He never slept, at least not for more than a few hours. However, after a mission he didn’t sleep at all, the images of his comrades’ deaths still fresh on his mind, their screams still piercing his ears, his sanity vanished a little bit more every time he tried to close his eyes, so he just laid awake looking at the roof, thinking about all the things he could have done to save them, repeating their names as if he was asking for their forgiveness.

Sometimes it all got too much, and he needed to walk to clear his mind, there were nights when he walked for hours with no direction at all, but that night he did have a direction: your office. He didn’t really know why he was doing it, but he was too tired to turn back and ask himself why you. He thought that you would probably be asleep, but to his surprise there was a dim light coming from your office, so he knocked, just like all of those times before, and your soft voice told him to come in.

He had never seen you so disheveled and tired, dark bags under your eyes, traces of tears on your face and bloodshot eyes. He also noticed four new asphodels on your desk. He looked at them and then he looked at you. He wanted to ask, but he couldn’t, so you spoke.

‘My regrets follow you to the grave.’ He barely heard you.

‘What?’

‘That’s what asphodels mean, you asked me about them once, you remember?’

He nodded, that’s all he could do.

‘I couldn’t save them, I tried, but I wasn’t good enough.’ You broke down to tears.

He wasn’t good at processing his own emotions, let alone other people’s. What was he supposed to do? He knew that people hugged to show support, but as he would say, he was ‘emotionally constipated’, so he just stayed there, looking at you.

Do something.

Do something.

Do something.

But he remained stiff, it was like watching the scene happen in third person.

‘I’m sorry, I know this is making you uncomfortable, it’s just that it’s been a long day.’

‘It’s been a long day for me to.’ His voice was hoarse. ‘You told me that asphodels mean ‘my regrets follow you to the grave’, that’s why you have them? Because you feel guilty?’

‘I plant one for every soldier that dies on my watch.’ That was the first time you opened up with him.

‘I keep the badges of their uniforms.’ That was the first time he opened up with you.

Right then everything shifted.

‘It wasn’t your fault.’ He knew those feelings, the remorse and the guilt, he was so painfully familiar with them that they had become a part of his being.

‘It wasn’t your fault either, Levi.’

It wasn’t your fault either.

It wasn’t your fault either.

It wasn’t your fault either.

Your words echoed in his mind like a drum and for a moment he believed them.

You came closer and you wrapped your arms around him, he tried to respond, embracing you in strangely, you laughed at his antics and in that moment, he wanted to disappear. You smiled and you readjusted his arms around your waist. He brought you closer, slowly, not wanting to scare you away and break the moment. You laid your head in his chest, right above his heart, and he hoped you couldn’t hear his heart beating wildly. He hid his face in the crook of your neck, his breath tickling your skin and your smell intoxicating him. For a moment he felt like home, even though he didn’t understand what ‘being home’ meant, but it had to be very similar to that: comforting, reassuring, peaceful, safe.

That night, he spent what felt like hours holding you, until you had to part separate ways, the only witnesses were the asphodels and the hills at the distance.

  6. ACQUAINTED

What are we?

Levi couldn’t stop asking himself that question.

Friends didn’t have what you two had. Maybe he wasn’t the most amicable person, but he had had some friends in his life: he once had Isabel and Furlan when he was younger, and now he had Hange and Erwin, and maybe he could even consider his squad friends. And none of what he felt for them was like what he felt for you.

He tried to make sense of his thoughts by writing them, but words weren’t his forte and he just ended more and more confused.

You were nice.

You were beautiful.

You made him laugh, well, not laugh, but close enough.

You were kind.

He appreciated you, he cared for you and he wanted to protect you, but he also felt the same towards Erwin, Hange and his squad. Then, if it was the same, why it was completely different.

He kept visiting you, everything looked like it was the same, but everything had changed. It felt like the calm before the storm, as if something was about to happen, the tides were shifting, he could feel it. There were words unsaid lingering in the atmosphere and sooner or later, someone would have to utter them. But who? And if you spoke them, what would he say?

He also spent a lot of his time thinking about that too, if you happened to confess your feelings for him, if you had them, would he be able to respond them? Normal people would try, give it a shot and see what would happen, what the relationship had in store, let things flow; but he wasn’t normal, he was far from normal, he knew he wasn’t the easiest to love. He was rude, mean, a control freak, he wasn’t the one for big displays of affection, he was the last person someone would want as a partner. People yearned for epic love stories, something that could take your breath away and he wouldn’t be able to do that, he wouldn’t be able to give you the bare minimum.

Also, after all the people he had lost, he didn’t want your name to be added to that list. He preferred the uncertainty of your relationship than the possibility of losing you. If he left more people in, more people he could lose. He wasn’t stupid, he knew you were already in, but there were still boundaries between both of you.

He had also fantasized about laying himself bare in front of someone, share all of his trauma and memories, share the burden with someone, but who would love all of him? If he couldn’t even stand himself most of the days, how could he expect that someone would   do it?

‘If you were a flower, I think you would be a gladiolus.’ You would always blurt nonsense out of the blue, but for some reason, he found it endearing instead of annoying.

‘Tch, what’s even that supposed to mean?’

‘I don’t know, it’s just, gladius symbolize strength, generosity, faithfulness and I guess those are things I associate with you.’ Your cheeks were tainted with the softest tones of red and you weren’t looking at him, your gaze was fixed on your paperwork.

Those words had a way deeper meaning, he knew it and you knew it, it was as if you were testing the water by putting the tips of your feet in it. As per usual he didn’t know what to say, what was he supposed to say to that? Thanks? I think I may be falling for you?

‘Sorry, I made things weird, I should just-’ you couldn’t finish because he had started talking.

‘I think you would be a yarrow flower.’ Amazing, now he was the one talking nonsense.

Not so long ago he pictured you as yellow lilies, joy and happiness, but after getting to know you better, he realized that that description was too shallow for what you meant to him. He didn’t know a lot about flowers, he wasn’t really into botany, but he had heard about yarrow before, he had heard merchants inside Sina call them ‘plant doctor’, since they would be often placed near other plants to keep the pests away, he had also heard that it was considered invasive too, because how easily it spread. Therefore, the association came quickly to him, you were healing, a solace from the cruelty of his world; and you were invasive, because he couldn’t be away from you, you consumed him.

‘That means a lot.’ Your blush was now more pronounced now and he wondered what you had made out of his words.

He felt a wave of panic travel through his body, maybe that statement was too deep, maybe he screwed it all, so he decided to excuse himself and ran away from the situation he had created. He had told you he was going to his room, he lied, he was going to the library, he needed to see what his words had meant. He wasted all his evening looking for books about the meaning of flowers, he sure looked like a madman, he hadn’t even gone to the Mess Hall to have dinner, he needed to found answers, and he found them at two a.m.

“The secret language of flowers” said the title, he opened the book and he started looking for the yarrow’s meaning.

Healing and Good Health

Courage and War

Everlasting Love

When he read the last symbolism of the flower, his heart stopped for a whole minute, did he just declare his feelings, that he wasn’t ever sure of, to you? He wanted to disappear in the spot, just vanish into the air.

He went to his room, holding the book close to his chest. He spent the rest of the night reading the book, he wouldn’t mess up again, if he ever wanted to talk about flowers with you, he would be informed. When the sun rose, his head was buzzing with flower meanings, and he would be lying if he said that he hadn’t thought about you while reading some of them.

At breakfast he did go to the Mess Hall and took his usual place.

‘Where were you yesterday at dinner?’ asked Erwin.

‘With his girlfriend.’ Replied Hange with a big smile.

‘She’s not my girlfriend.’ He said with a grunt.

‘What are they then?’ Hange was using the tone, the one which meant “I know you’re hiding something, and I won’t stop pestering you until I discover it.”

‘We are just acquainted.’

‘Liar.’

 7. CAN’T FEEL MY FACE

He remembered how there were days when Kenny would drink himself to oblivion, Levi didn’t understand why he did it. He didn’t see the point of passing out in the floor, and when he asked, Kenny answered that ‘his vices kept him sane’. It still made no sense to him, how a man could be so cunning and sharp, while he wasted his nights and days with alcohol, women and many other things that Levi wasn’t interested on trying. He had seen Kenny drunk and it was far from having control. The first lesson Kenny had told him was that control is vital, then, how come he was powerless in his own life, letting alcohol take control of him.

‘You’re old enough to try it, boy. Take some if you want.’

The first time Kenny offered him alcohol, he had declined, he had said no, and Kenny had shrugged it off, as if saying: ‘more for me.’ He wouldn’t get it, it didn’t make sense, Kenny, who prided himself on his cold-blood and his steel nerves, would renounce to that control so easily, he didn’t want to be like that, never in a million years, he would never give up his self-control.

Until he did.

He had lost control. And he now understood Kenny.

He knew he should distance himself from you, he didn’t want more Furlan’s and Isabel’s, he was getting dangerously close to you and he didn’t want that. He should run away, disappear. You were kind and sweet, you would find someone else to feel the void he would inevitably leave. He had always been the one being left behind, and he survived, you would too. Also, it’s not as if he contributed a lot to your life. He was sure you both would be better with the other far away, I mean, the facts were there. Actually, they had been spiraling in his head for a while.

Then, if he knew all of that, why was he helping you cut clean bandages, especially so close to you that he could smell your shampoo? Oh yeah, because you asked him to, as easy as that, all his conviction melted away from every fiber of his body.

Why did he do that? Why was he so helpless around you? Oh yeah, because you made him feel so damn good. You had him wrapped around your finger and you didn’t seem to notice, you acted as if it was nothing, you had power over him, you had Humanity’s Strongest at his knees.

‘My family died a long time ago, I couldn’t save them, I moved in with my aunt and I decided that I’d study medicine for them.’ You said out of the blue.

You cut one bandage.

‘The letters I write are for them. It’s stupid, but it makes me feel closer to them.’

You cut another bandage.

He didn’t say a thing.

He hated himself, any other person would have hugged you or said something, he just stayed there, frozen and acting as cold as always. Why did you confide in him something so personal? He wasn’t the one to go when you are sad, he didn’t even know how to process his own trauma and baggage most of the time. What was he supposed to do?

On the other hand, you trusted Levi more than anyone in your life. He brought you peace and solace, something you thought you would never have.

You lost your family when you were really young, always feeling guilty for being the one who survived, and you promised to yourself you would vow your life to help the others, never putting your needs first. When you joined the military, you watched many soldiers die on your hands, you could still hear their last words, how scare they were, how they didn’t want to die like that, alone and far away from their family; you could also recall their mutilated bodies; and you could also remember how many of them would survive the Titans but lose the fights against their own mind and end up being another fallen soldier that died for nothing. You loved your job, but it also killed a part of you every day, there were no victories on a war, and you knew it. That’s why you picked up gardening, you planted a flower for every soldier who died, something to remember them.

When you met Levi, you admired him, you had heard the stories about him, his courage, mood changes, sharp tongue, skills, intelligence… You would be lying if you said he didn’t make you curious, you were used to soldiers haunted by the horrors they had faced, but something about him was different, maybe because you saw yourself in those grey eyes. You two were similar, you both had so much pent up that you could not talk about, you had an image to keep, and it was exhausting. He had a name to uphold, people looked up to him, if he failed, if he crumbled, everyone else would; you were a doctor, and no matter how hard things were, you had to be strong for your patients, never showing how much their pain took a toll on you. You could let your mask down, because even though he didn’t talk too much or overall understand why you were sharing that, it felt good, liberating.

Sometimes, he would also talk about him, not a lot, but enough to make you feel understood, and those moments, when he showed the man underneath the façade, glimpses of his true persona, those few minutes, sometimes even seconds, were responsible for your growing feelings for the captain.

‘It’s not stupid, I talk to my dead friends’ graves.’ He said nonchalantly, as if he wasn’t baring a piece of him in front of you.

Those kind of flashes of the man he was underneath took your breath away every single time.

You came close to him, slowly, testing the waters, not wanting to scare him away. Maybe it was too forward, too reckless, too much at a time, but he didn’t move. You brought your hand to his cheek. He didn’t jump away. You looked into his eyes, pools of mercury. He held your gaze, expecting your next move. You could feel the tension. He could too.

‘They would be really proud of you.’ You said, voice thin and trembling.

He was silent. Your words caught him of guard.

He was feeling too much. His heartbeat was erratic, beating wildly, he could hear it. He felt the blood boiling under his skin, he was so hot, he was sweating. He couldn’t move, but he felt his body trembling. He could feel the room closing on him, trapping him. He wasn’t in control.

It was a too familiar feeling, one he had experienced a thousand times before.

‘Levi, are you okay? I’m sorry I’ve made you uncomfortable.’ You said worriedly.

He didn’t know what to do, he just wanted the pain in his chest to end.

You were too close. You were trapping him too. So, he pushed you away from you and run from the infirmary. You couldn’t see him like that, no one could.

Why did he share that with you? Why did you get too close? Were you going to kiss him?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why was he like that?

Why did he ruin things?

Why did he lose control of himself? He couldn’t even feel his face when you touched it.

He felt pathetic. He felt like the little kid he once was.

Control is vital.

Control is vital.

Control is vital.

If he was with you, he wasn’t in control. And if he lost his control, then he would have nothing.

He had to get away from you, because you were stripping him from the only thing he had: his control.

[ughseoks]

asterismos ⋆ 4

PAIRING; jungkook x reader

GENRE; angst, fluff, eventual smut / enemies to lovers / fantasy au

RATING; 18+

WORD COUNT; 4k

WARNINGS; swearing, weapons, blood, injury, fighting, ~magic~

SUMMARY; As far as you’re concerned, things like magic, prophecies, and fate are nothing more than fairytales. But when you accidentally bind your soul to a mysterious amulet you found at an antique shop, a group of seven warriors from a magical world inform you that you now hold the key to saving them all. The fate of the realm Elodia now rests in your hands, and you realize that you couldn’t have been more wrong.

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— banner created by the most talented human ever aka @kimtaehyunq​​ 🥺

Author’s note at the end!

“You know she’ll never join you, right?”

The man scoffs at the statement coming from the Elodian collapsed on the ground behind the metal bars of the cell. “You shouldn’t speak of things you know nothing about. I know that she’ll choose the right side; she’s my sister.”

The Elodian in the cell’s returning smile is a broken one. “Your time away from Earth has caused a rift to form between the two of you. She doesn’t even think you’re alive.” He stops to cough, the sound grating against the other man’s ears. “But beyond that, she’s no longer the little girl you once knew. Unlike you, she didn’t grow into a person driven by hatred and revenge. No matter what her relation to you is, she would never turn her back on innocent people. Your father holds no power over her decisions—although I’m afraid I can’t same the same about you.”

“Don’t you dare speak of my father in that way.” A wild look dances in the man’s eyes as he takes a few steps towards the occupied cell. “He was a man with a vision. You and the rest of the world were—and still are—too blinded by your foolish ideas to see it.”

The man behind bars smirks. “Those are bold words coming from someone who’s only half Elodian.”

An angry roar escapes the taller man as he thrusts his fist into the rocky wall beside him, a sickening crunch resounding in the small chamber upon impact. He lets out a small grunt of pain and allows his arm to drop back to his side. A soft blue light begins to emit from the wound, the broken skin and bone expertly weaving itself back together. When the glowing finally stops and all that’s left on his skin is dried blood, a tense sigh escapes the man’s lips, the angry glint in his eye giving away just how unstable he is despite his calm exterior.

“You were a fool for giving her the amulet. I know that she’ll choose my side in the end.” He turns to exit the dark room, only pausing to throw a final comment over his shoulder. “The glamour you placed on her is wearing off. It’s only a matter of time.”

“Which one…” you trail off, your eyes scanning the various weapons laid out before you, “Which one should I, uh, try first?”

Seokjin shrugs. “Whichever you want to, Y/N. You’ll know when you pick the right one.”

You nod slowly and continue to gaze at the various sharp, slicey, and spiky things being presented to you. The boys are peeking over your shoulder, and as much as you need their guidance for this, you also feel a bit overwhelmed with the amount of pressure on you. What if you make a fool of yourself trying to wave around Namjoon’s enormous greatsword? What if you accidentally shoot yourself in the foot with Hoseok’s bow?

You’re shaken out of your thoughts when Taehyung lays a large hand on your shoulder. “I know that this all feels a little overwhelming, but you don’t have to be embarrassed or worried about your lack of training, alright? We’re here to help you.” His voice is soft and soothing, and you find yourself feeling a little  more confident with his gentle encouragement.

You nod and take a deep breath before stepping forward to pick up a small throwing knife. Taehyung grins at your choice, stepping forward to demonstrate how to use them. You attempt to copy his expertly executed movements, but the knives all end up scattered across the ground rather than stuck in a tree.

“At least they didn’t end up stuck in any of us,” Taehyung jokes and ruffles your hair.

Slowly but surely, you make your way through every option until you’re left with Jungkook’s weapon—a broadsword.

None of the weapons have really clicked with you so far. Although you feel a little bit like you’re living out one of your childhood fantasies when you swing the various swords and knives around your body, none of them feel quite right in your gentle hands. The weight of them resting in your palm is foreign, and despite your best efforts, you just can’t seem to find a weapon that works with you.

When you raise the (almost comically) long sword into the air to test it out, you note that you can feel Jungkook’s presence from where he stands only a few feet away. Chancing a glance over at him, you’re surprised to see that instead of the irritated or exasperated expression you were expecting, he’s wearing a look that almost seems interested.

With a determined huff, you attempt to swing the sword in a wide arc, only to fall onto your behind when the unexpected weight knocks you off balance.

“It’s useless,” you sigh and hand the sword over to Jungkook with a downcast gaze, “The human in me just… cancels out the ‘warrior’ part of being Elodian, I guess.”

“Woah, woah, woah,” Hoseok interrupts, “That isn’t necessarily true, Y/N. There’s still something we haven’t tried.”

“If it’s another weapon, it probably won’t end well,” you pout. “I think it’s pretty clear that big, sharp, pointy things aren’t really my specialty.”

“They aren’t mine either.”

You turn to look at Jimin. He’s standing a few feet away with his arms crossed against his chest, a knowing smile tugging at the corner of his lips. When your brows furrow in confusion, he drops them to his sides with a chuckle, taking a few steps forward to close the distance between the two of you.

“I never had an affinity for ‘big, sharp, pointy things’ when I was training to be a warrior,” he explains. You don’t appreciate his usage of air quotes around the former part of his sentence. “That’s why I turned to magic. It came way more naturally to me than physical weapons ever did. You might be the same way, Y/N.”

“Y-You think I could be a magic user? Even though I’m only half Elodian?”

Jimin shrugs. “We won’t know until we try. Here, give me your hand.”

Jimin’s fingertips are soft against your skin, the palm of his hand pressed to the back of yours. He crouches on the ground and guides your hand so it’s resting on the green grass below. Despite being warmed by the sun, the grass is still slightly damp from the morning dew, the small droplets wetting your fingertips where they press against the soft blades.

“Close your eyes,” Jimin murmurs from beside you, shifting his hand so his fingers are nestled between yours as you follow his instructions. The grass pokes at the palm of your hand from where it sticks out of the cool soil, and if you weren’t holding your breath in anticipation of what Jimin is about to do, you might’ve giggled at the ticklish sensation.

“I want you to picture a flower. It can be any kind you want; just make sure you stick with the one you choose.” He pauses for a moment to let you decide before speaking again. “Have you chosen?” You nod. “Okay. Now, I want you to create a clear picture of that flower in your mind. Be as detailed as possible, like you’re looking at the real thing right in front of you.”

Your eyelids flutter closed as you follow his instructions, your brow knit in concentration. Jimin’s hand is warm on top of yours, and as the image of the flower in your mind grows clearer, the heat from his hand grows warmer along with it. Tingles of warmth climb up your arm all the way to your shoulder, your heart rate increasing as the sensation grows stronger.

After a few seconds, the feeling of the grass on the underside of your palm begins to increase from a light tickle to a steady pressure—it takes you a moment to realize that it feels like something is growing beneath your hand.

When the pressure ceases, Jimin retracts his hand from yours, allowing you to pull your own hand away once your eyes are open again with a gasp.

“Did I…” you trail off as you stare at the beautiful tiger lily sticking out of the ground where your hand once was. The vibrant orange hues of the petals are just as bright as you imagined them—brighter than any tiger lily you’ve ever seen in real life. “Did I do that?”

Jimin nods whilst smiling proudly.

You gulp, “I… but you helped me, didn’t you? When your hand was on top of mine.”

“Here in Elodia, our full powers and connection to the magical realm must be ‘awakened’ by a magic user,” Hoseok speaks up, “Jimin awakened yours.”

“All I did was teach your body how to tap into its magical abilities,” Jimin smiles, “The rest of it was all you.”

“Woah…” You trail off and reach out a hand to touch the flower. The petals are soft against your fingertips—and surprisingly warm, too.

“Jungkook, wasn’t your awakening flower a tiger lily too?” You hear Taehyung speak up from beside you, a knowing smirk lighting up his face.

“Yes.” If the blush on his cheeks means anything, Jungkook seems uncomfortable with Taehyung’s line of questioning.

“You know what they say about matching awakening flowers…” The blue-haired man trails off meaningfully as Jungkook shoots him a glare.

“Shut up, Tae.” Jungkook growls the command, but there’s no real malice behind it, and Taehyung simply snickers in response.

“What are awakening flowers?” You pipe up from your spot on the ground below. In all honesty, you’re starting to feel a little bad about asking so many questions all of the time—but you’re in a totally different realm where magic exists. You’re bound to have at least a few questions.

“They’re the first flower that an Elodian grows during their magical awakening,” Namjoon supplies helpfully. “Taehyung was referring to the popular belief that having identical awakening flowers is a sign of being each other’s Bonded.”

Jungkook is blushing furiously now, his gaze trained on the ground at his feet. You don’t blame him—you can feel the heat rising in your cheeks as well.

“It’s just a myth, though,” Seokjin reassures you before placing a comforting hand on your shoulder, “Lots of people have similar awakening flowers. No need to worry about being Bonded with grumpy over there.”

“Hey! I am not grumpy, hyung—”

“Yes, you are.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Am not!”

“Are you two going to keep arguing?” Yoongi interjects with a sigh, “Or can we get on with saving Elodia?” Jin stifles a chuckle at the angry look on Jungkook’s face, only to let out a yelp when the youngest juts out an arm to elbow him in the stomach.

“Anyways,” Jimin smiles at you, “I think that you have a lot of potential. I would love to train you and teach you how to use your magic to its full extent—that is, if you want me to.”

“I…” you trail off, unexpectedly strong emotions bubbling up in your throat.

Maybe it’s because for the first time since you’ve arrived in Elodia, you feel as if you just might belong here.

“I would love to train with you, Jimin.” You get a little choked up at the end of your sentence. Jimin’s gaze softens, and the amount of love that you see sparkling in his deep brown eyes is enough to open the floodgates.

Tears begin to slip down your cheeks, the salty droplets leaving streaks as they fall relentlessly. You do your best to wipe them as they fall, but it’s of no use—they’ve already seen your tears, and you’re too emotional to keep them at bay.

“I just…” you sniffle, “The entire time I’ve been here, I’ve felt like a burden. Like I’ve been holding you back and somehow preventing you from completing the mission. But now—now I feel like… like I can finally do something to help other than just... stay out of the way.”

Jimin nods in understanding. “You’re not useless, Y/N, even though you often believe yourself to be.”

“Thank you.” Your voice is barely a whisper, but you know they hear it anyways.

“So, Jimin will work with you on your magic skills,” Namjoon speaks up after a few moments of silence, “And those will most definitely prove useful in our journey, I have no doubt. However,” he sighs, “I believe that there is still the matter of your lack of hand to hand combat skills—which will inevitably be crucial to your survival at some point in the future.”

You nod. “Can’t Jimin just help me with that as well? Since he’ll already be teaching me magic.”

“I don’t think I’m the best suited to teach you,” Jimin frowns. “Although I can most definitely defend myself, I’m not the person you should be learning from—especially considering that we have such little time to prepare you for what’s to come.”

“Jungkook can teach her.”

You turn to face Seokjin fast enough to feel a twinge of pain in your neck. But before you can say anything, Taehyung is already speaking up.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea, Seokjin?”

You flinch, expecting Jungkook to scoff. But he never does. Instead, he looks ashamed, gaze downcast as he clears his throat nervously.

“What happened last time… it won’t happen again.” He lifts his head to lock gazes with Seokjin, a hard look of determination set on his face. “I promise.”

“Y-You really don’t have to if you don’t want to—”

“Nobody is forcing him to help, Y/N,” Seokjin cuts you off with a reassuring smile, “He volunteered.”

“Oh.”

Jungkook is looking everywhere except you, the tips of his ears tinged red. You have to fight to keep from staring at him in shock.

“Shouldn’t she have her own blade?”

Your attention is pulled away from Jungkook at Yoongi’s question-comment, a curious look in your eyes. “Am I even allowed to have one? Aren’t they only given to warriors?”

“You are a warrior,” Hoseok smiles, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder, “Sure, you need a little training, but the mentality of a warrior is what’s most important—and you have far more courage than you seem to know.”

What the hell is with these insanely attractive men complimenting you? You swear, you’re going to have a heart attack one of these days.

“It’s not that I disagree,” Namjoon interjects, “But where are we even going to find her a blade? They’re normally gifted during our warrior officiation ceremonies, and

“I have one she can bond with!”

Namjoon turns to Taehyung in shock, his look of disbelief mirrored on the other six Elodians in the group. “Taehyung! That—That’s illegal! Why the hell do you have a spare sacred blade?”

Taehyung shrugs. “Someone dared me to steal it a few years ago, so I did. I’ve been holding onto it since in case of an emergency like this.”

“You stole a sacred blade because of a dare?” Namjoon balks. “You could be stripped of your title as a warrior!”

“It was a triple dog dare! I couldn’t just chicken out!” Taehyung defends, “Plus, it came in handy, didn’t it?”

Namjoon lets out a heavy sigh. “I can’t believe you. We’re going to have a serious talk sometime about who you choose to hang out with.”

“Okay, first of all, you’re not my dad. Second of all, Jungkook was the one who dared me to steal it, so why isn’t he the one getting in trouble?”

Jungkook makes a noise of protest when Namjoon’s sharp eyes land on him. “I was only kidding when I said it! I swear.”

“Liar,” Taehyung pouts, yelping when Jungkook gives him a harsh shove.

“Anyways,” Yoongi interrupts, a small smile tugging on the corners of his lips, “Since Taehyung is conveniently in possession of a highly sacred blade, you can simply bond with it and use it as your own.”

“Bond with it?” You question, “How do I do that?”

“I’ll show you,” Jimin smiles, “Don’t worry; it’s really not that complicated. I’ll explain more tonight when you’re about to bond with it. Okay?”

You nod, and Seokjin reaches out to give your shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Half-Elodian or not, you’re going to become a true warrior tonight, Y/N. Be proud.”

“Jimin. Could you be any more vague?” You mutter in frustration, “I know literally nothing about magic and sacred blades and Elodian sparkles and shit. You’re gonna have to be more specific than telling me to ‘let the blade take control’. Like, what does that even mean?”

Jimin raises an eyebrow at you as you continue to speak, mouth quirking up at the corner when you end your small speech with a frustrated huff. “I’m sorry that I can’t give you more concrete instructions, Y/N. But I’m telling the truth when I say that the blade will do most of the work for you, and this experience is different for everyone. It’s deeply intimate; the sacred blade is making a connection with your soul. I can’t tell you how your bond with it will form, only give you what I hope is helpful advice.”

You groan, dragging the palm of your hand across your face tiredly. “Sorry. I’m just… I’m nervous, I guess. What if I do it wrong?”

“It’ll be alright, I promise. Just the blade—and trust yourself. You’re part Elodian; I know you have it in you.” He reaches up to give your cheek a gentle pinch before taking a few steps back. “I’ll leave you to it. You may feel emotional when the bond is formed, and that’s completely normal. Just shout if something goes wrong, alright?”

“O-Okay. Thank you, Jimin,” you smile, eyes never leaving his back until he disappears from your vision altogether behind the trees.

Once you’re alone, the noise of the forest around you is nearly overwhelming. Excited chirping and the rustling of leaves assaults your senses, the subtle sounds mixing together into a cacophony of chaos in your mind.

“Focus,” you whisper to yourself, reaching into the satchel handed to you by Taehyung to pull out the sacred blade.

Your fingers wrap around the hilt of the knife, pulling it out of the satchel so gently that one might think it was made of glass. The blade itself is only a few inches long, the sleek, black material glinting in the moonlight that filters through the tree leaves above.

Allowing your eyes to fall shut, you take a deep breath and try to focus on the way the blade feels in your hand; the grip is surprisingly soft against the skin of your palm, and it almost feels like it’s moulding to fit the shape of your hand.

As the seconds pass by, you begin to feel a tingling in the hand gripping the knife, the feeling growing in intensity until shivers are suddenly wracking your body. You open your eyes at the onslaught of sensations, eyes flying open when what feels like a bolt of electricity shocks you to your core.

When you open your eyes, you aren’t met with an image of the forest bathed in milky moonlight. Instead, you see a beautiful array of bursting colors—some of which you didn’t even know existed. They’re vibrant and filled with every emotion you’ve ever felt to the strongest degree; it feels like you’re tangled in the threads that weave your very soul together, but in the most beautifully inexplicable way.

It feels like years rather than moments before the colors fade and you’re left standing alone in the clearing. When you glance down at the knife in your hand, you’re shocked to see that it’s extended to become the length of your forearm, a swirling magenta pattern snaking around the meat of the blade as opposed to the blue lines in Jimin’s knife.

“Y/N?”

You glance up to see Jimin watching you carefully, a gleeful grin spreading on his face when he notices the glowing blade in your hand.

“You did it!” he cheers, running up to you to wrap you in his tight embrace. He pulls away moments later, hands immediately coming up to wipe away the tears on your cheeks that you didn’t know you’d been shedding. “I’m so proud of you, Y/N. You’ve come so far.”

“I’m a warrior,” you giggle, causing a bubbling laugh to fall from Jimin’s lips in return. “I-It’s so pretty, Jimin. And I feel… I’ve never felt… when it bonded with me…”

Jimin nods in understanding. “Your emotions are probably going to be running a little high until you get some rest. It’s expected after performing such an intimate ceremony.” He reaches out his hand for you to take, squeezing your palm comfortingly when you interlace your fingers with his. “Come on. I know a place where you can be alone with your thoughts for a little while; you probably need it.”

The place that Jimin shows you is beautiful. He parts with a gentle goodbye and a promise of returning within the hour, leaving you to take in the beauty of the scenery in stunned silence.

It’s a scenic overhang that gazes out across the expanse of the hilly forest of Elodia, a sea of glowing flowers illuminating the grass that sways in the gentle breeze. Seeing as the overhang isn’t shielded by any surrounding trees, a blanket of moonlight kisses everything you can see, the sight beautiful enough to nearly bring you to tears again.

You aren’t sure how long you sit out there, feet hanging over the edge of the rocky edge of the overhang when a voice announces its presence from just a few feet behind you.

“Is this seat taken?”

You nearly topple over the ledge at the sound of Jungkook’s voice, clearly not expecting to see him out of all people right now. Too shocked to speak, you simply shake your head no and scoot over a bit, holding your breath when he plants himself just a foot away from you.

“I wanted to say… that I’m sorry.”

That catches your attention, head swiveling to look at him with wide eyes. His gaze is focused on where his feet are swinging back and forth in the open air—a nervous habit that you seem to be mirroring.

“You’re… sorry?” you finally manage, voice barely above a whisper.

Jungkook nods. “I’m sorry. For the way I’ve been acting towards you. It’s—It’s unfair to you, and no matter what my personal feelings are regarding the situation, it doesn’t warrant me treating you so terribly. You didn’t ask for this, yet you left your entire life behind to fight for Elodia.”

“It’s not like I had much of a choice,” you mumble humorlessly. Jungkook tenses beside you.

“I know. But you’re still doing your absolute best to help, despite it all. Despite the treatment you’ve received from me.” He exhales slowly. “So I’m sorry. You’re not a burden, and you never were. I hope you can forgive me.”

“Jungkook…” you murmur, trying to find the “I…”

“It’s alright; you don’t have to say anything.” He finally looks up at you. “But I’ll make it up to you. I promise I will. Nothing bad is going to happen to you again; not on my watch. You’re Elodia’s last hope.”

He pulls his feet back up onto the ledge and stands before extending his hand out for you to take. You stare at his outstretched palm for a few moments before acquiescing and allowing him to pull you up from your spot on the ground.

“We should head back so you can get some rest,” he says once he releases your hand, nodding in the direction of the campsite in the woods. “We have a long journey ahead of us.”

a/n; wow. it has been quite a long time since i’ve updated this fic. i’m sorry that this update is so short & for it taking so long :( school has been A Lot & i’ve been working really hard on a big project to post later this month. but! i finally got off my ass and finished writing this chapter. think of it as an early christmas gift.

i apologize for any inconsistencies 🥺 it has been a long while since i dusted off this fic & worked on it, so not all of it is fresh in my brain. i also did not edit this before posting so i’m sorry for that too. i’m also sorry for how utterly horrible the pacing is for all the previous chapters bc i went in and reread them a while ago and... oof. ya girl really rushed that ish. maybe one day i’ll get to rewriting them so they’re better <3

TLDR; thank y’all so much for continuing to support this fic even though it’s been slow going with updates. your encouraging comments keep this fic alive 🥺 i love y’all!!! idk when the next update will be but i’ll do my best to have it out as soon as i can.

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