#so you have to be like a pessimistic shipper I guess to enjoy my content lol

[katnissandpeetamellark]

Lucy Gray Baird x Text Posts

Me trying to prove my Lucy Gray posts are funny too lol

[musette22]

Hi Minnie, hope you’re doing well honey! I’m wondering if you have any thoughts or advice on something. I think you approach fandom in a somewhat different way to me, so you might not find yourself in the situation I’m in. But I’d appreciate whatever thoughts you have.

I’m currently in the middle of a huge shipping war (embarrassing but true) in another fandom, and it’s really stressful (similar to when it was Stucky shippers vs…well there have been a few rival ships). I have the vast majority of the ‘other side’ blocked and tags blacklisted etc, but stuff still leaks through, and some create burner blogs to harass and taunt us (staff does little to nothing about it).

Another problem is, their ship is currently “winning" in canon. Like, big-time. So it’s really frustrating to see that largely mean-spirited, nasty people are getting their way (I’m sure there are some nice ones but I don’t think they’re the majority), in addition to knowing that stuff I really don’t want to be happening is happening. It’s very hard to deal with the frustration. And there’s no telling how long this stuff might go on for.

I guess I’m just wondering what you’d do in this situation. I’m tempted to drop out of the fandom completely, but I’ve been a part of it for awhile and it would be hard to give up. I could take a break, but I’m pessimistic that anything will be better in 3 or 6 months or however long.

Thanks for any thoughts you have on this!

Hello my love! Thanks so much for your message 💗

I'm genuinely so, so sorry to hear about the situation you're finding yourself in, that sounds awful and incredibly draining. And that's just such a shame, because that's the opposite of what the fandom experience should be bringing us!

I haven't been in the exact same boat as you, but I think I've had experiences that were close enough to understand a bit about how you're feeling. It's just so tricky, because while taking a step back or leaving this fandom altogether would probably be the most straightforward solution, you obviously still love your ship and presumably also the good parts of the fandom your in, the bits that actually make you really happy. So by leaving the fandom, you wouldn't only be leaving behind the bad stuff, but the good stuff too. So yeah, I really hope you'll find a way around this which will allow you to somehow stay in your current fandom and also actually enjoy it.

It's such a shame that people can't just ship and let ship. I'll never understand why anyone would try to deliberately hurt or taunt other people who are just trying to enjoy their favourite pairings, and although I understand how easy it is to get caught up in it even if you don't want to be, shipping wars an sich are just about the dumbest thing ever to me. Completely pointless, imo. But yeah, once you find yourself in the middle of something like that, it can be really hard to extract yourself from it.

I think the fact that new content is still being made for your fandom, and that canon is not going the way you'd hoped, definitely complicates matters. When Endgame happened, and everything after that (including TFATWS), I also really struggled to continue enjoying being in the Stucky fandom for a while. And that was even without being harassed anybody (at least, not in any significant way). I remember feeling really upset for quite a while, mostly about how there were things happening to my beloved characters that I did not want to happen and felt like a violation of my happy place. Really the only thing that got me through were all the wonderful people who felt the same way I did, friends I could vent to, mutuals who continued fighting the good fight (and I don't mean actually fighting with anyone, just like, making beautiful fannish creations for Stucky), as well as the hope that the storm would down again at some point. And fortunately for me, it did. And without being constantly confronted with things that made me upset, and by creating some clear boundaries for myself, I was fortunately able to continue to enjoy being in this fandom.

I can't deny that the upcoming Thunderbolts movie is making me a little nervous, because I know that new Bucky content is bound to stir up a lot of that old agitation again. But the fact that I have consciously decided not to engage with any new Marvel content after EG, and that for me, Bucky's canon story ended in Wakanda with Steve, definitely makes it easier to deal with. To me, post-Wakanda canon is irrelevant. There is plenty of canon for me to draw on for the Stucky that I love, but mostly, *my* Stucky is a product of fanon anyway (that is, the version of Stucky created by fandom). So even when there is new Bucky content in the future, it just isn't part of my narrative for them, and for the most part, I can just ignore it and keep doing my own thing. So that's really what I would advise you to do too - try and delineate 'your' canon, your ship, as clearly as you can, and ignore everything that doesn't fit inside those boundaries to the best of your ability. It took some time and practice for me, but it did eventually become easier, and it really did make a difference.

So, I don't know if I have any actually helpful advice for you, lovely, because it sounds like you're already doing everything you can to make a bad situation work. But I would say, just keep blocking, keep blacklisting, never ever rise to the bait if anybody tries to antagonise you in any way (that one is REALLY important, I've found. People will eventually get bored of taunting you if they don't get a reaction).

Focus on the people you like and trust and who feel the same way you do, try not to dwell on negativity and try and focus instead on enjoying your ship in fanon, if canon isn't cooperating. Read and write all the fics, post headcanons, make edits and art for your ship, keep it alive - and do it for yourself and people like you, and not to spite anyone else. In the end, it's all fiction, and the fact that canon started it all doesn't mean you have to stick with it. This ship is yours now, and you can do with it what you like. And the most important thing you can do is enjoy it and let it bring you joy and comfort.

And it's possible that it won't be for a while, because I don't know how much new content will be made for this ship in the future, but eventually, the commotion is bound to die down. If you think you'll be able to keep going in your own, carefully curated bubble until then, then that's amazing. But if you think it's only going to keep making you miserable, then it's probably best to step away, at least for a while, however painful it may be. Mental health and personal happiness have to come first, always, otherwise what's the point of fandom?

I'm sorry I can't be of any more help, honey, I wish I could do more! But I genuinely hope you'll be able to make it work, and that your ship can continue making you happy for a long time to come. Sending lots of love and strength your way! ❤️