#so yea my trust issues are not gone but at least this time they dont think its vital to interfiere yet
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my turn to cry - thoughts on 3-1b
ok this has actually gotta be my favorite chapter cause holy shit so much stuff happened.
I played the Alice/kanna route and afterwards I watched a vod with the reko/shin route in which ranmaru and naomichi died before the banquet, so BIG SPOILER WARNING FOR BOTH ROUTES
Mafia Princess Sara??: Ok so first off, back in the beginning of 2020, I had a theory that Sara was a mafia heiress and that the death game was supposed to be something to “prepare” her. And that her memories were wiped or she was initially supposed to be kept blind to this whole thing (In 3-1a when everybody saw the consent form for the very first time everybody felt a sense of deja vu, except for Sara. Because why would they need her consent when she is the sole focus of the game and it’s all for her) This theory was mainly supplied by my confusion surrounding the hiring of Kai, cause why would mr Chidouin hire a former assassin to protect her?? How did he even know Kai??? But yeah, the whole thing with Shinobu Gokujo and deciding a new don through a death game just adds a lil more validity to this theory.
Sara’s real father: I also had a mini theory that Gashu Satou was her real father, but that was mostly cause of their hair color and how it would def make Sara’s hair color make more sense genetics-wise (but kai has black hair, so its most likely that his mother had black hair, which would also disprove this mini-theory but yk im not here to prove it just talk about it). And that Gashu knew of Mr. Chidouin and gave Sara to him, and it would also explain why mr Chidouin chose Kai of all people to look after her and why Kai could only watch her from a distance, in case she realized the truth that he was her brother/half-brother or something.
GREENBLINGS CANON AAAAAAAA: I love this, I love this so much oh my god. Now I can replay and cry after 2-2 cause nankidai hates us :’). I dont have an issue with this specifically, I’m just a bit bothered by how the whole thing went. There was some buildup yea, and the cg with kanna, kugie, and shin was amazing. And that lil bit about nice hallucinations made me tear up a bit. But, then everybody kinda just moved on? and idk this whole chapter was a fuckign roller coaster I could barely keep up.
Autistic Gin <3: I’m autistic myself and I have seen many characters who are autistic-coded or exhibit many signs of autism but have never been straight up confirmed (Ex: Vera Misham from Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney). And even then, these characters usually share similar personality traits like being aloof and reserved. So it’s nice to see that Gin is representing autism in a relatively realistic manner with his hyperfixations, vocal tics, and issues with socializing. Even after nearly dying like 17 times he’s still doing well and I genuinely wish for his survival and happiness.
Ranmaru’s death: Both of Ranmaru’s deaths, (if you or if you don’t fail the electricity absorption minigame) the death feels so... off? I was really attached to him as a character, yet his death didn’t impact as much as Joe’s or Nao’s did. During his Banquet death, one second he had his really cute smiling sprite but then whoops oh no guys weird drill screw thing kills him (again). I still can barely comprehend it because it all just happened so fast. Like no cg or anything. I was honestly kinda disappointed. The “delayed” one does a better job at his death scene, but again, it was wayyy too quick and completely dismissed as everybody just moves on to defeat Maple 2.0. I at least would’ve appreciated a better transition than Midori just saying “well anyways–”
Ranmaru’s extremely quick descent into madness in the shin route: I actually liked this idea of Ranmaru willing to go to such extremes for Sara. However, theres barely time for any of this to develop? Like again, everything just happens so fast??? I would've definitely liked if there were little hints around before the body discovery that ranmaru was gonna do something like this, just a little time for development would really be cool.
Mr. Policeman/Mr. Tazuna???: After I finished, I actually looked on the wiki to see if it said anything about his son that he mentioned and I found this:
But yeah thats cool
The thing about Q-taro: I’m gonna say it now, I’ve liked Q-taro ever since the aftermath of 1-2, and Q-taro haters have added absolutely nothing to this fandom. Everybody saw him as a child-hater, I see him as a guy who’ll do anything to survive and succeed. I mean that wish is kinda what got him into the death game. And yeah he did try to leave that one time, but that’s what getting thrown into traumatic killing games does for you, most people don’t want to die, they want to live, no matter what it takes. We can’t all be the main character and choose to cooperate with everybody and be the “good” person in that situation. Even Sara has those extremely selfish moments and those intrusive thoughts of winning and leaving.
This whole thing should also be applied to Ranmaru. Ranmaru has gone through so much shit in such a brief amount of time, to the point where he was considering to/actually kill people to escape with the one person he trusted in this hellhole. In that situation, Sara’s kinda at fault here, cause without Joe she’s lost her sense of morality which resulted in her becoming selfish and well... honestly kinda toxic. This emotional manipulation is really what set Ranmaru off, however it was 100% his decision to fucking kill somebody and murder’s bad. Still love him though.
But back to Qtaro, I really enjoyed the extra substance given to him in this chapter, it’s nice to see the development from being selfish to feeling deep remorse to protecting the dolls of the first trial victims, most notably Mai. As he completely forgives her for stabbing him. The chapter did a great job at fueling my already intense love for Q-taro (and it actually convinced my best friend who claims to hate Q-taro with every bone of her body to like him too!) I also love the father-son dynamic between him and Gin. I find this relationship to be really important cause Gin’s father is an abusive alcoholic and Q-taro’s an orphan who’s never had a proper role-model in his life. So it’s beautiful that despite not having anybody there for him when he was younger he can still be a good figure for another child.
Predictions/hopes for the next part:
I just want to see whether Shin already knew about Kanna being his sister, and if he doesn’t I want a reveal. Right. Now.
A Ranmaru/Joe/Q-taro/Kai/ “Hinako” revival, p l e a se they died so soon
More info about the people involved in the Hades Incident/Shinobu Gokujo
More info regarding Meister
Sara going on Maury
Who tf is “Hinako”????
I really hope that there isn't any specific good/bad ending. Like I want every ending to be equally bad and good yk? like equal consequences and good stuff.
Yo wtf happened to Sara’s mom?? Is she gonna come back and play a more important role in the story?? Are her parents gonna come back as floor masters???
I want things to actually change depending on whether you picked Alice or reko, cause so far they’ve played extremely minor roles.
#3 1b spoilers#yttd#yttd spoilers#q taro burgerberg#sara chidouin#ranmaru kageyama#joe tazuna#gin ibushi#kai satou#keiji shinogi#alice yabusame#reko yabusame#shin tsukimi#midori yttd#kanna kizuchi#greenblings#sou hiyori#mai tsurugi
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Elain should just end up alone. Lucien isn't a good match, he deserves his adventures and someone who would truly love him. Azriel is just as bad as Rhysand but ya'll will go to the moon and back to defend him for some weird reason. Graysen was a good start but it's clear SJM is done with him. The love interests for her are really not worth it 🤷🏻♀️
Are you looking for someone to agree with you?? Cause umm yea, you came to the wrong place. Like by a long shot.
On Lucien's front, first of all, you're wording implies that he's any better than the rest of the characters. That he's so perfect when in fact, he's not. Second of all, I think if it were handled well, Elain could love Lucien. Their biggest obstacle however, is the events in Hybern.
But they have potential. Elain won't send Lucien away, she'll be polite. Which is all she "owes" him. I think everyone is too caught up in their idealized versions of mates, of seeing Rhys and Feyre and thinking that anyone who wouldn't want that is insane. But think about what Feyre's reaction to being Rhys's mate would have been say...immediately under the mountain. If he'd told her right then and there. Or even if he'd made the claim at the wedding. It would have been pretty damn negative. (Granted keeping it from her didn't turn out to be great either and she was still mad, but she was able to build a relationship completely unaware). Now here we have Elain and Lucien. Where both are aware of the bond because Lucien blurted it out in the middle of an exceedingly traumatic event. Why on earth does Everyone expect Elain to just get over that. Not to mention, like her sister, Elain was already in love, in a relationship, engaged to be married, when the mating bond snapped into place.
So now, while Lucien is trying to keep things lighter, there's an expectation behind his actions. He can't help it. All of Prythian wants to find their mate (even depsite the potential they aren't a good match). There are hopes and dreams tied to this. And Elain: a lot of her trauma is now attached to Lucien. He was with spring, they even briefly talk about it. She was in love. Life as she knew it, ended the day he made that claim (not necessarily because of him. But given the side he was on and what happened to her, even if she logically understands that he had no part in it, emotionally it's hard to separate especially with that trauma).
So yes, it's going to take her a while to warm up to h when she knows he only cares because they're mates. Lucien wouldn't still be there so much if Elain wasn't his mate. Lucien wouldn't be trying so hard to get to know her if she wasn't his mate. And that's fine. But with some time, she could be more open to the idea.
And if things go Elcuien, imagine the adventures they'd go on together. Imagine Lucien watching as his mates stares out in complete awe on the deck of a ship, sunlight gleaming in her hair. Imagine Elain showing him how to tend flowers. And explaining that she doesn't mind the dirt and cuts that come from gardening. Imagine them finding their place in the day court upon learning who his true father is. And the joy they could experience. Imagine them sitting in a field, his head in her lap, her fingers running through his hair. Imagine Elain learning to be able to look him in the eye again, and finding beauty in his eye. Imagine them coming to peace with their previous loves being gone because they found love in each other.
And you're right. Az has real issues. Like feyre, rhys, elain, nesta, luien, mor and literally every single other character. Because all the characters have flaws. That doesn't mean he doesn't deserve love. Or a romance. And it certainly doesn't mean hmhe and Elain couldn't be a good match.
But i can see Elain and Az helping each other move on from their feelings for each other. I can see Az training Elain in self defense behind everyone's back. I can see the way he joins her in the garden, finding some peace away from everything else.
I can see the way they just trust each other and open up. And the way Az could learn to accept himself as he is, instead of thinking he's never going to be good enough. And i see Elain learning the same about herself.
I can even see their little shadow singer children and the chaos that could ensue. From that.
Graysen was great for what they were when she was human. But i don't think he truly loved her. If he had, i feel like he would have been far more conflicted at least about what happened. Or maybe his hatred for fae really is just that overwhelming. Regardless, yeah Graysen is over, maybe not though.
I for one would love to see some more conflict around him an Elain. Especially if its a "i made a mistake. I still love you" thing and Elain just rejects him and goes into the arms of whoever she loves.
My thing is, I want all the characters to get their happy ending (i realize it's not realistic but eh, i dont care). And Elain's happy ending I think needs to have love in the end. I don't think every character needs it, but i do like when they get it (hopeless romantic here). Like Feyre. She didn't really dream of love. If she hadn't found love in the end, but still found peace in her painting again, i would have enjoyed it too. But Elain i think is the romance story i want to see.
But Elain doesn't deserve to end up alone after everything is said and done. She deserves to find her happiness and her romance like everyone else gets to.
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i wish to hear more about part 5 avdol 👀
OMG I WOULD LOVE TO THANK U FOR GIVING ME AN EXCUSE TO KIND PERSON
i genuinely think avdol would become a good mentor figure for everyone in the buccigang, including and not limited to bruno and abbacchio. giorno and him are probably closest tho,,,but i also do like the idea of fugo and avdol being close cause i like to think fugo reminds avdol of himself when he was younger (this is more headcanony than canon stuff tho)
as for actual plot stuff and how avdol would affect it;;;;;; due to avdol’s competence, no one dies <3 sorry araki but nara bruno and abbacchio are alive now. I'm still trying to work out the details regarding how he could prevent bruno’s death tho. maybe bruno will still have to die but I'm thinking about it
ALSO bc of avdol’s influence i think fugo would hum and haw over if he should go with the bucci gang some more. i dont think he actually will tag along completely, BUT he doesnt just leave he just does some sniffing around from the inside. they’ll meet up again later rather than fugo tagging along from the beginning. like fugo is like “yall r crazy. let me do sum research and ill get back to you” and maybe fugo finds polnareff that way (lmfao could u imagine. pol gets kakyoin flashbacks)
lots of kakyoin flashbacks actually. this would really be a bone breaker if this is an au where kakyoin is still dead
ANYWAY. since I'm still not sure abt the details of avdol’s impact on the PLOT, lemme get into character dynamics
giorno: big mentor figure, probably steals some (a lot) of bruno’s thunder in this regard. giorno just rlly respects him and avdol acknowledges giorno is a very hardworking kiddo (which giorno appreciates). i imagine he grows very fond of him throughout the events of va. idk if it would ever cross the line of mentor-protegee to father-son but regardless they're rlly close and giorno values his opinions a lot when he becomes the don even tho avdol says he doesnt wanna be involved in mafia business (and he doesnt but he cares more about the well being of his kids ie the buccigang than staying away from organized crime)
fugo: fugo is like a crazy thrashing dog that is going insane and yet never turns to nip at its owner who is holding it back (in this case that is avdol). yea i imagine avdol and fugo have a good relationship Eventually but it takes fugo some time understandably to accept/warm up to it cause of his issues with authority figures and how they've done him dirty before. avdol is nothing if not a patient man tho and i imagine fugo eventually comes to rlly trust him which is why he decides to squirrel around to get buccigang some info on the inside of the gang rather than disembark completely
narancia: nara would be as hostile as he can be at first i feel like cause he might think avdol is trying to replace bruno but once he learns avdol is a) not in the gang and will never be in the gang he’s not trying to take anyone’s position and b) sees BRUNO warm up 2 avdol, he accepts him very fast. it’s like a switch flipped it’s v sudden and intense change in demeanor. avdol is kinda surprised but like he’ll take it. avdol thinks nara is very funny and he helps him out w schooling when fugo is gone. avdol also listens to nara’s music w him and gives him recommendations which narancia is SUPER HAPPY ABT cause no one was willing to talk music with him before (indulge him and let HIM talk abt it yes, but never respond in turn and have a conversation before). nara loves avdol and avdol loves him in return. fun family (:
mista: hmm i cant see mista and avdol being suuuper close?? at least not at first but they def get along. but when avdol gets comfortable enough w the buccigang to do his funky fun smartass stuff sometimes (like how he was during the judgement fight) mista and him get a LOT closer. mista thinks avdol is the funniest man on the planet and they can have good talks. avdol is a good person to think out loud with which i think mista kinda needs. also I'm sure avdol is enamored with the sex pistols. not many stands can even talk yet these lil guys have outright personalities of their own. avdol joins mista during feeding time just cause he’s rlly intrigued by these lil guys. mista was a little weirded out at first but since warming up to avdol he doesnt mind (:
trish: HIS DAUGHTER NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! he’s got the age, he’s got the kindness, he’s got the patience, he’s got the respect, HE!!!!!! IS. HER DAD NOW. avdol might've laid the sympathy on a little too thick when they first met so trish might not have liked him much at first, but he notices she’s rlly stressed out and talks her thro it/lets her speak her mind which is rlly nice. trish hasn't ever had anyone prompt her to lose her shit before helping her to piece back together again but tis nice. when trish is supposed to be dropped off with diavolo, she actually hugs avdol (: also when trish awakens spice girls u BET avdol is rooting her on and helping her get more comfortable w her stand. avdol is thinks spice girls is rlly fuckin cool and combined w spice girls and avdol’s guidance, trish actually gets rlly handy at using her stand. pls imagine magician’s red and spice girls just chilling. thanks. anyway if avdol were to legally adopt ANYONE in the buccigang it would be trish. trish lives w him after va
abbacchio: i don't think avdol and abbacchio would be besties but bruno trusts him and narancia likes him so i think abbacchio wouldn't hate him despite them first meeting bc of giorno lolol. so like they're civil but i cant imagine their interactions getting warmer until after avdol tags along when they split up from the gang. abbacchio is like “why tf r u even still here” and avdol is like “YOURE the oldest here and ur only 21 u need an actual adult. no but i just wanna watch over the kids and make sure they're safe” abbacchio respects that. also avdol encouraging trish to train w spice girls is why trish is able to keep abbacchio from getting a fist through the torso (she makes him rubbery as spice girls can do so he can withstand the punch king crimson gives him) and he's kinda grateful bc of that to both abbacchio And trish. uhh yeah. lol. also avdol has good taste in wine which abbacchio can respect
bruno: FINALLY the man himself. for a long time he is just politely friendly towards avdol cause idk if bruno would know how to deal w someone who would be more likely to be a mentor to Him rather than vice versa but as avdol and him spend more time together and watch over the kiddos and abbacchio together they get more comfortable. idk if they’d ever get close close but bruno can rely on avdol and he does during the final fight. when they come out victorious bruno kinda promises him he’ll always have a home in italy if he needs anywhere to rest it’d be sweet (: avdol in turn would say if ur ever in egypt just ask around and u’ll find me
anyway uhhhhh yeah. i hope u enjoyed reading all this fjkdnjc;n i just think. avdol is very loveable and very cool and he would've added a lot to part 5 in my opinion,,,,
#cass cries#jjba#jojo spoilers#vento aureo spoilers#golden wind spoilers#this got LONG SORRY#Anonymous
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Life After Snowpiercer: One Problem at a Time
Summary- Curtis x Y/N. You and Curtis reunite, deal with some issues in the valley and reconnect 2 of the groups. Tension between you and Curtis. Warnings- Violence
Word Count- 5.3k
Chapter 6 / Masterlist
The firing from above was surprising, You and Johanna witnessed Wilfords old guard squad shout out in alarm and close ranks retreating. Johanna lowered the rifle, and breathed out hard enough to flip the hair that fell in her eyes back. “I dont know who it is... but they are pushing them back.” You sneak a peek out to see if you can catch sight of anyone, but thats when you hear the cry of alarm behind you, and you pull back, disappearing inside. Following your name being cried out, you see where someone got a ricochet. It had luckily lost some of its momentum, but still embedded enough to cause blood to blossom all over there shoulder and clutch at it to stop the bleeding.
“Shit” You try to drag the man into the nearest light without making yourselves possible targets. “Shirt off... Whats your name?” You ask as you maneuver him, grabbing the hem of his shirt and start to pull it over his head.
He grunted as you lifted the shirt over his head. “Mickey... we was trying to get the kids into the back once we heard the firing started, but not fast enough apparently.” His eyes watered a bit, but other then that, he stayed perfectly still.
“Yea it got pretty dicey there for a bit. Does anyone have a knife?” You start hold out your hand till someone shoves a military grade blade into it and you start cutting off pieces of clothing off one of his shirts, and directing him to sit down, so you at least didnt have to go to your tip toes to dig out the shard. “Okay Mickey, Im gonna be as quick as I can, promise. Just please dont move.”
“No worries Miss, I can handle it.” He took a deep breath and nodded in affirmation that he was ready. Lets get this done, you coached yourself, never actually having removed anything like this. Your head tilted and the tip of your tongue stuck out as you started to use the tip to wedge along one side. Mickey was true to his word and stayed still, allowing you to dig further into his flesh till THERE, the tip slid underneath and you could pop it out “Got it!”
Wadding the piece of cloth against the seeping wound, you are careful not to touch anything as his blood was all over your hands. “Be right back, keep the pressure on it.” John stepped in to monitor him as you make your way back to Johanna who was looking through the scope up at the cliff. “Son of a bitch, hes gonna do it....”
“Safe to go out and scrub my hands you think, and do what?” You question as you look over her shoulder, and Johanna drops the scope to look without the assistance to the top of the cliff. “This bastard, hes gonna jump down., OH HELL THERE HE GOES!” This is when you lean out and your jaw drops.
Curtis pulled back the rifle when he thought he saw you, holding his breath, hoping for another glance, anything to confirm it was you he saw. Rolling away from the edge, and up to his feet, he paced the edge for a moment. “I gotta get down there now, do we have any rope?” He asked the person closest to him, the man shaking his head and asking another nearby. Resounding negatives sounded, and Curtis just didnt have the time to search the train cars for any. Looking over the edge, he studied the way down, noticing small juts of ice build up on what he guessed were ledges, he formed an idea. Was it crazy? Most likely, but what the fuck. Sliding the rifle strap over his shoulder, he held it out to anyone close by. “Give me an axe, Im gonna need you all to cover me while I make my way to the train car.”
The man whom he had asked for rope earlier looked down the side as if studying what Curtis had been looking at, frowning for a moment in thought, then his eyes widened. “Man you cant.”
Curtis didnt even pause as he hefted the axe, checking it was one with the sharper blades, and swung it around in a loop once, twice, three times to loosen his good arm. “Man I am.”
“Thats could be a damn suicide jump. Your gonna break your legs, even with the deeper snow at the bottom, you have no clue whats down there!.”
Curtis shifted to the edge, turning his body so that his good side holding the axe would be close to the cliff wall. “Yea well, I might not know what, but I know who is down there, and who knows when those fuckers will be back.”
CURTIS EVERETT, I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DIE, YOU AND ME BUDDY, WERE THROUGH.
No were not, and I will be fine, trust me.
Trust you? Fucken hell Curtis your lucky I do.
Thats my girl.
And it seemed like he just stepped off the edge, plunging the axe into the snow and ice on the side, it slowed him down slightly in his descent, and he was able to steer himself enough to land on the ledge he was aiming for. For all of five seconds.
It gave out from under him “Oh shit” he exclaimed as he dropped down, trying to smash the axe head back into the side, it finally went in, but he just sped up more, bouncing off the wall once in a while, fuck his ribs. Well they are definitely broken now if they werent before, and all around him white rolls of snow started shifting, and racing down with him. Soon it was enough to be considered an avalanche, and he landed heavily at the bottom, a dumping of snow landing on top of him.
You jumped out of the train, with Johanna leaning out trying to catch you and stop you from taking off. But you rolled out of her grip. “Y/N! Come back, its not safe!” But damn it, you werent paying attention to anything but Curtis falling down the side of the cliff. HE JUMPED! THAT BASTARD JUMPED, GOD DAMN IT CURTIS! you screamed internally as you plowed your way through snow almost to your knees, falling every now and then, and struggling to get up, the whole time your panicked mutters of “nonononono” filled a bit of the silence after the snow crashed on top of itself at the bottom. By the time you reached the cliff face, all around you was just white swirls where the snow had yet to properly settle. “Curtis! Where are you?” You yelled out, looking all around you, but nothing, just white. Unsettled wisps blowing in your face.
“Come on baby, answer me” your voice is starting to panic as you start searching under you, for anything Curtis shaped. If hes trapped under the snow, hes going to suffocate, sobs of fear escaping, and tears brimming your vision. You plunge your arms into what looks like the deepest snowbank and dig like your life depended on it. It did, it did depend on it. Why was he so fucken stupid? Jumping off a cliff, god damn you Curtis, if you leave me alone here... Your wheezing, completely unaware he had come up behind you, and in true Curtis fashion, he grasped your hips and swung you around. Shocked, your looking up at those familiar blue eyes, adrenaline had blown his pupils wide with the rush, and he to is panting, clumps of ice and snow in his beard and his whole face is red where it had been covered in snow. For seconds your just staring at him, but then, you let him have it.
Your fist comes against his chest in a rage, bouncing off his pecks, and your just raging at this point. “what the fucken hell Curtis, you could have DIED! You idiot! Died, dead, gone, no more, do you hear me?!” He allowed it for a bit, but then he caught your hands and drew you in as the sobs of fear broke from you, struggling in his hold and grabbing his face, that damn face you love so damn much it hurt, one you were so scared for and mad at and just beyond relieved to have back because you were hurting all over and wanted to sink into his arms and be told that it was gonna be okay, that damn face. You crashed your lips against his, kissing him fiercly and possessively, only breaking apart when the loss of air burned your lungs and your head swam with dizziness.
“Dont you ever do something like that again! God your such an Idiot, I love you” your forehead leaning against his, and his eyes looked in yours and you could see that he would again without question, and before he could say that, you nip his lip softly to keep him quiet and roam your hands over his chest and pull back. You werent allowed to go to far, as he yanked you back in, his own hands searching you for anything out of the norm, cupping your face and placing a softer, but no less desired kiss on your lips “I wasnt going to leave you down here baby, I thought Ive lost you endless times over the past few days. I knew I saw you. I had to get down here. Especially with those fuckers coming for you.”
Your hands slide into his coat, and that familiar warmth starts to seep into your burning cold fingertips and his oversized hands wipe your face dry, kissing across the cheeks and your nose to calm you down, leaning his forehead once more against yours. “You couldnt ask me to leave my girl here and not to to get to you, right?” And with that, your anger dissipates much like the remaining snow crystals in the air that swirl near you, your combined heat melting them away. Relief floods you and you sigh, leaning into him, God I need you so damn much. His arms enclose you and for the first time in days your okay.
“All of it, they said they were just toying with you the entire time.” You breath out and pull back enough to look at him. “Did you get all the way there? I assumed so once the train derailed.”
Curtis was going to have to tell her all that happened, and that was the big news about her brother, in that he was dreading. Not that her brother was alive, but what they twisted the man into. He nodded, and decided it would have to be later, once they were safely settled, could he break the news to her then. “Yes, we lost good people.... but they got me to the front, got me to Wilford. Come on, we have to get out of sight. I have a few people up top to cover us.” You didnt inquire anymore at the moment, following along in his footsteps as best as possible, your hand still fisted in his, loathe to let it go. You could easily see he was hurting, the way he took jagged steps. But you woudnt know more till he would really let you look him over No guns had to be fired, and maybe there luck was turning around.
Johanna had the gun trained on Curtis till You stepped around him and waved your hand that it was okay, and she pulled back. As you two approached, Curtis climbed inside and held out his hand, greeting her with a thanks. “Damn glad Y/N had you with her Johanna.” She nodded her your welcome and turned to you.
“If your planning on moving anyone, theres a couple who are beat up pretty bad. Your friend Sara is definitely suffering from blood loss, and we got to relocate a few shoulders.” Hearing the women discuss the injuries, Curtis was relieved it wasnt anything worst. But as he caught sight of the survivors, he knew why. There must be more casualties then survivors. They were a weary bunch, the kids all huddled together, sleeping or whispering to themselves, adults wandering back and forth unable to relax, some leaning back against the wall, holding there arm or shoulder from where it came out of joint in the fall. “Has anyone been able to go through the cars?” Curtis asked as you came up beside him.
“No, once we landed, I got the kids to gather supplies, and then the guards tried to collect us. We bolted right out and headed to the cliff face. Others followed us. Paul told me that his cart had usable food in it and thats as far as we've been able to plan ahead." John came up to join them, listening in and introducing himself to Curtis.
"Probably would have either went into the other cars today, see if anyone survived the night or tried to find a way up. These are all the back end cars.... Short of the protein blocks, no other usable supplies. Old threadbare blankets, maybe some clothing." John mentioned, leaving Curtis nodding in agreement. He was right, all the usable supplies were in the front, they went through several freezer carts of beef and chicken, a garden cart, a bit of live stock in another, even an oversized tank that might still have usable food in it, he was sure once the train derailed any heating system went off, and it might all be frozen solid. And then not even mentioning supplies such as medicine and other goods. As Wilford mentioned before, it was an entire enclosed ecosystem. One that Curtis ripped wide open now.
"Theres a group up there waiting for us... The last of the tail enders and a few others, simple fact is we gotta move everyone up. Safer for us to be in a group then spread out, especially with Wilfords old buddies.” Curtis said that last part sarcastically, and you glanced at Curtis.
“Well we cant climb up the way you came down, especially with people like Sara. Someones got to find a trail if there are any”
So it was decided a couple would go look along the cliff face, see if there was a reasonable way up, John volunteered along with another man. They bundled up as best they could, blankets draped over there shoulders and they warily started along the trail you and Curtis made earlier. Now onto the next issue, You knew you should have taken care of the out of joint patients, more things like clothing was needed, some of these people were shivering with blue lips and fingertips. Fuck what a disaster. All of it. A hand came to your back and Curtis slipped up behind you as you watched the two men continue down your trail. You leaned back into his chest, and closed your eyes for a minute. Letting everything just go still inside you, just having him back eased you a bit.
“We will be okay babygirl, get them all up and continue on our way.” His fingers brushed aside your hair laying against your neck and he dipped his head to kiss the curve, his lips soft brushes along the length. You enjoyed the sensation for a few moments, familiar and warming. But then enclosed when his hand moved to settle on your stomach and hold you in close, your breathing hitches. Why? Whats wrong? And you fight out of the haze clouding your mind, and pushing his hand back and away, turning to face Curtis. “We probably better get to those patients. Help me with them?” You brush past him and head into the back, frowning at yourself for how you just reacted, knowing exactly what it was, but admitting it was an entirely different story.
Curtis was surprised when you pulled away, about to stop you and ask what that was, but it had been hell for the past few days, so it would be understandable if you werent yourself. Following along with you, you were talking to Sara, who Curtis vaguely recognized from the back end. Lifting the rag she had used to keep pressed against her shoulder. “Im sorry I didnt get this out sooner Sara, but I got to now.” Another mistake, you think to yourself. There is a bit of redness and streaks blooming around it. Fuck why didnt you take care of this last night. With the way she was shot, you were sure there might be more then just a slug embedded in there. “Come on, lets go in the light.” You two go forward and as you pass Curtis, you encourage her to continue where Johanna was perched in the doorway, watching.
“Curtis we definitely need more clothing, something for at least the kids to wrap up in. They will freeze with what they have now out there.” Your almost reach out to touch him, then pull back, stuffing your hands in your sleeves instead.
“Yup, we will get it. Work on Sara and the others, we will be back soon.” He didnt push to touch you or share affection, but you tugged him back and placed a speedily kiss on his lips last minute. A ‘im sorry’ for earlier for yourself, he flashed you look that spoke volumes, then spun away and his voice boomed “Listen up, you... you... and you, were gonna be hitting up some of these cars... you....” Walking away, you felt more in control now, hearing him take control and having a plan in place. Sara was sitting with Johanna, looking exhausted, but holding a conversation.
Withdrawing the knife you used earlier, you have Sara sit in the light, Johanna lowers back to her earlier spot, the rifle hanging out the door to keep watch. Bringing her shirt down enough to take a look at the wound, you sigh. “Like with Mickey, this is gonna hurt like a bitch. And I gotta make sure nothing is left in there.” Sara nodded and once more you dug for the bullet. Sara hunched a bit and did her best to stay still, a gasp escaping once in a while, but overall when she slouched forward into Johanna, you knew she passed out. Good, make this easier.
“Sorry, let me just finish this and we can move her” You state and Johanna nods, moving to cradle the woman while you hear a plink! to the bullet falling out, and a few more pokes and prods, the blood seeping down, hesitant but hopeful that will finish cleaning the wound. “Okay, think shes good.” You use the rag she was earlier to put pressure on it and once it seemed to stop bleeding so much, you two move her, already Sara was stirring much to your satisfaction. “Just hang out here a bit, m’kay?” A nod and wince as she puts the rag back to be sure it wouldnt start bleeding.
Then you went through the rest, relocating joints, checking nicks and cuts. A few people you found out had busted ribs, one had a arm that should be put in a splint, but there simply was no way to do so. “Just... keep it close to your body and dont move it. It will heal, in time.” Putting together a make shift sling with a shirt someone volunteered. Just as you were finishing up, Curtis and a few others returned, arms bundled in clothing, and as you two dispersed them among people, and bundling the kids up, you quietly ask him.
“Was there alot.... of people... ?”
“Yea baby, more then I thought there would be. Some of them, its hard to tell if it was before or after the crash.” He passed off a jacket to someone and looked at you. “Then there were others that just.... Its a lot.”
You didnt push him, ask where he was going with that sentence, you had an idea of what it meant, and you didnt even want to have him have to explain his choice. People dont always survive.
He continued, handing off the last item, and turning to you. “We only went through a few, but we cant wait any longer. And I found where those guards were hanging out, They have been collecting supplies in the further cars, as much as could be had”
You swallow a bit, and keep yourself busy with the thought of them. “Where are they now?”
“I dont know, they wandered away from the cars at some point. Im assuming they didnt have a aim on them up above and they werent coming back around to us.” Curtis shook his head as they started getting people up, moving them forward. “But if they do... “ Curtis rumbled softly under his breath. You pause and rest your hand against his back, inside dreading the coming conversation. He was already so on edge to them being out there. Johanna called then to you two, and John ducked back inside. “Well we found what looks like an animal trail. Goes right up along the side, and looks like its well used. Do you think... theres really something alive out there?”
A shrug and nod from you “Were still alive, right? We can only guess as to what survived after the freeze.”
It was painfully slow, John and Adam, as you come to find out what the other mans name was, led the group, you stayed with the kids, and helped Sara as much as she was able to stand, behind you were more of the adults, including Curtis and Johanna who were making sure no one fell behind. When you finally crested the top, you stepped off to the side, huffing with exertion, the people who had remained at the top cars were helping others inside or near some fires they all were able to start, clearly they had been busy while you all were coming up out of the valley. Curtis came up beside you, a groan of his own as his hand pressed against his left side. “Lets get inside babes, then we can take a break. We all need one.”
Sara was collected and helped to where the other people were recovering, and Tam rushed up to the two of you once you entered the car “Hey, I got the kids, Edgar is sitting up already, and his back is looking much better.” You look confused for a moment, and Curtis shakes his head at you. “I will explain later. Thanks Tam, if everyones set, were going to go settle in somewhere for the night.” Assured that everything would be handled, Curtis led you away, these were similar to the tail end car, just with windows. Curtis was quick to find you two a empty bottom bunk. You crawled in first, and leaned against the wall, your head tipping back. Fuck you were so tired, and he semi collapsed next to you in a similar fashion.
You turn just your head to look at him, and smile when you see hes doing the same thing. There hadnt been any chance to really just be with one another since reuniting and you reach your hand out, weaving your fingers with his. “Hey.... Thank you for keeping your promise and coming back to me.”
He sat up a bit more and let go of your hand, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you in close, placing a kiss to your forehead, whispering. “Im sorry for leaving you like that babygirl. All I could think of was keeping you safe.” You put your hand against his mouth.
“Handsome its fine, I know why you did it. Tell me what happened.” You inquired, and Curtis fell into how he pushed the group through each car, the ones they found that was possible to find supplies and food in for them, how the bridge claimed so many of them, one of whom he thought was Edgar, but that wasnt the case. How Nam wanted to blow open the side, jump from the train when he wouldnt open that final door, and this is where he stalled. He had to tell her. All of it. Her brother, his arm... he managed to keep it hidden this whole time, the pain a background noise at this point.
“Babygirl come here, I just... need to hold you. I really thought I lost you.” He hauled you into his lap, and you tensed up momentarily when his arm circled around you, rubbing your lower back and side. But this was Curtis, you were safe. Under his hand you finally relaxed, and your head rested on his shoulder, he started in on the next part of his story. The rumble of his chest lulled you, while you listened. Wilford offered a deal, and Curtis admitted that he considered it. You lifted your head and looked at him. “You wouldnt have been able to live with yourself” He nodded, and leaned forward to kiss your lips softly. “Your right, I would have become everything I hated. Baby, this next part, you got to listen to me. Okay? the whole part before any questions.”
“Curtis what is it?” Your brow furrows with concern at his words.
“Matt, your brother... Hes alive, and he still is. I left him back at the front.”
Your silent for a moment, and he could see your mind racing, processing his words.
“Hes still alive... Matts still here.” And the joy that crossed your face broke Curtis heart because fuck he was going to have to tell you just how far gone he was, that there wasnt the compassionate little boy anymore. But a man with cold resolve and placed himself above the others, for he was the prodigy.
“Baby, he isnt who you think he is, not anymore.” Curtis hands captured your face to make you pay attention to him. “Wilford trained him to be his successor, brainwashed. He has no compassion for any of the people, were something to control.”
“What? No Curtis, he loved us, He wouldnt forget, unless he thinks I let him go.” Your thoughts are spinning out of control, just what Curtis didnt want. You pull back from him then “He cant be that bad, I mean, Once I explain all that was going on, he will see.” A saddened look crossed Curtis face, reaching out to draw you back to him.
“Baby we can try... but they were using our kids to run the train, put them right into the engine, and afterwards... Executed if they served no more purpose. Under his order, he was set on killing Yona, Nam and I if I didnt agree to there terms.” He couldnt even bring up the way your brother talked about you, the callousness of his words in discussing you, whom loved him more then yourself.
“No... he wouldnt have been okay with it.” Your breathing grows more rapid and Curtis rubs your arms to comfort you.
“I know baby, Im sorry... “ He was doing everything he could to calm you, but it was only setting you off worst. Again you pulled away from him, drawing your legs up and hugging around your knees, what are you not telling him? The only time you pulled away was the weeks after Matt was taken and you withdrew into yourself. “Y/N? Talk to me please?” He wants to reach for you, but you’ve just drawn yourself off, quiet as you stare ahead.
Matt wouldnt, Curtis must have misunderstood what happened. He did what he had to to survive, the conclusions you drew. “You said hes still alive? You had to leave him behind, is he safe?”
His hand dropped to his lap, studying you even as you waited for an answer. “He was safe when I left him and Claude. I was told you went over a damn cliff, I honestly had no other concerns.” His tone slightly clipped, and you can see where hes holding it together under a great strain. You unfold yourself, and return into his hold, feeling him once more relax being able to rest his hand on you.
“They had Timmy, in the engine. Whatever they did to him, he was so unhuman acting. Robotic, he wouldnt come out once Nam and I secured the room.” He shifted you and this is the first time you see the tangled mess of his arm when he slid his sleeve up, deep laceration that have scabbed over criss crossing where the gears tore in, but they were still great tears, all of it swollen, and throbbing looking. “Fucken hell Curtis” You cuss as you finish rolling his sleeve up to look at it. “Youve been like this the whole time? Baby you need medicine in case of infection.” So tenderly you inspected it, you seemed more like yourself now, your mind distracted.
Curtis remained still as you went to roll the sleeve back down, and was gnawing on your bottom lip. “God damn handsome, im so sorry.” Your hands went to his face, feeling for any kind of fever, and giving a small smile when he turned into your palm and nipped the center, kissing your fingertips before letting his head once more fall back against the wall. “You seem to not be fighting off an infection though. But I will feel better once we can secure some stuff from the medic car.” You shift to his other side so you dont risk touching his arm, rubbing your hand along the back of his neck. For now you both go quiet, just being together. This time his hand slides along the inside of your thigh, just resting warmly there. You can feel yourself drifting off, and finally he says softly.
“We should get some sleep” He shifted off the wall, and laid down for the first time in days, waiting with a lifted arm for you to do as you always do, curl in against his chest. Which you did, you always did, and stretching out, scooting over till his arm rested over your hip, he tugged you in the rest of the way. His body is hard against your back, and his beard scratches lightly behind your neck as he placed kisses there. Nothing sexual, just a bit of intimacy after such a long time apart. You cant help but tense up, which he notices when you dont sink into him, how your breathing doesnt soften after a few minutes, and he wants to ask you, make you spill whatever it is your holding inside. But he doesnt, he just stays by your side, his hand moving to slide under your shirts and gently let it rest against the softness of your stomach. Wide awake until finally he hears you release a soft snore, a true testament to your exhaustion.
You laid there, your fingers curled into the ticking of the blanket your laying on, your heart a quick flash patter, escape escape escape, this was fucking CURTIS. How could you feel that hot heat of panic flushing your body or that your throat was squeezing air through a straw. You waited, waited for him to tighten his arm around you as he usually did or sprawl you across his chest when he rolled to his back, but he stayed still behind you, and the tension between you two just built. I should tell him, but how can I? For whatever reason, it shamed you that you couldnt fight them off. Finally his fingers just splayed against your stomach where he worked his hand under your shirts and loosely held you. After a while, you couldnt help it anymore, falling asleep. Fuck those men for doing this to you.
@curtisbbq @what-is-your-plan-today @p8tn0lish @jtargaryen18 @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @official-and-unstable-satan @thatweirdwalangpake
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Ali & Carly
Ali: oi walsh Ali: wanna go to a party where the guestlist is undesirable Ali: not in the cool way Ali: but the drinks will be aplenty Carly: u had me @ party but keep talking Ali: obviously you love when I chat you up Ali: family function but they ain't gonna force smalltalk on you w the booze, like so no fear Carly: love wen ur offering 2 take me away Carly: compliments are a beautiful bonus Carly: ur hot bro gonna b there?? Ali: easy Ali: take you somewhere better than wherever he is after if you play your cards right Ali: and someone isn't too OD'd on beer and BBQ by tonight to organise a decent shindig Carly: yea lads r sooo easy Carly: its boring Carly: showing my cards we should get some 💊 & fly through it Ali: 👌 Ali: sadly my mother refuses to address her issues so no stocked medicine cabinet here to raid Ali: I'll ask about Carly: ha Carly: mine don't Carly: I've got this Carly: show your love later Ali: 🙌 Ali: gimme her number Ali: put in the groundwork now like the overachiever I am Carly: [does give her number out] Carly: k but you love me more Ali: obviously Ali: love of my life Ali: gotta rep my manners with your ma though Carly: said as ur slipping ur 💍 off & giving some other bitch the 👀 Carly: how my da works Ali: hmm Ali: better leave her alone then Ali: don't need to repeat her mistakes Carly: if 1 person did the cabinet wouldn't be full for us Carly: let's keep one 'rent 💔 at a time Ali: smart Ali: that's why you're my bae Carly: its cos I kno how to juggle 💘 Carly: & other body parts ofc Ali: 😂 Ali: and a decent trip, hopefully 🤞 Ali: your mum's got a mixture, yeah or do I need to bring tissues Ali: or 🥊 Ali: what's the #mood Carly: whatever you want it to be baby Carly: shes got docs wrapped around her finger Carly: hers anyway Carly: mine's a woman & she refuses to flirt w her own gender Ali: k am a bit in love with her now Ali: soz Ali: clearly send her in, she'll change her tune and your prescription Carly: other than my da who isnt Carly: taught me everything I kno Carly: leave her a message she'll hit you back if you pretend to be hot lad Ali: 💔 that Carly: same I could have two mas Carly: more clothes & drugs to steal Ali: idk, my missus might reckon your da's a style icon Carly: ha Carly: she coming? 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Carly: aw you don't wanna talk Carly: let me apply gloss hold on Ali: safe to assume he's not coming 'cos of multiple people Ali: not just Lene Ali: 🍓 if you got it, babe Carly: & she's not coming cos of multiple ppl not just ur ma Carly: you not a 🍒 girl hm Carly: interesting Ali: she's not coming 'cos I ain't asked her Ali: awkward if my mother has taken the initiative but help the party go with a swing, I guess Ali: nah, you're a 🍓 girl Ali: too sweet for 🍒 Carly: cos you asked me i kno 😍 so cute Carly: aw you want me to taste how i naturally do Carly: even cuter Ali: be more fun Ali: invite her to my next protest or something more fitting Ali: nothing personal Carly: hey i can be loud Carly: do it all the time Ali: aw you want all her invites now? 😏 Carly: yea Carly: you want me you got me 💍 Ali: alright Ali: you're on Carly: k Ali: get ready for so many adventures Carly: 😊 Carly: wot am i wearing to this 1? 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Carly: fave ice breaker Ali: it is gold Ali: but save it 'cos it's just me and you remember Carly: do you wanna know my answer Ali: of course Carly: guess Carly: you owe me a right answer for my wrong bday Ali: Hmm okay Ali: would you Ali: bang as many people as humanly possible Carly: i do that anyway Ali: well you get banged, if we wanna be misogynistic about it Ali: I know what I'd do Carly: more fun with more holes tho so I'm not mad Carly: first thing I'd do is measure to see if I need to brag or exaggerate Ali: pragmatic of you Ali: hadn't even considered that Carly: wanna know if mine's bigger than the lads I've been w ofc Carly: size matters idc what small dicked lads are trying to say Ali: yeah but they're always thinking length when really Ali: girth is where it's at Carly: yea Carly: shouldve taught that in school Ali: how to measure circumference Ali: they defs did Carly: yea?? Carly: idk Ali: I'll show you Ali: on a beer can Ali: unrealistic expectation but you get the idea Carly: all my expectations r unrealistic Carly: make me cum is a stretch for most lads on site Ali: babe Ali: gonna make me 😥 Carly: youre the pure 1 aint you Carly: aw Ali: hardly Ali: saying at least I get that, like Ali: minimum Carly: your gf has some uses that arent being your ma's BFF Ali: precisely Ali: I would've been a bit kinder with it but in a nutshell Ali: what about ronan at least Carly: have you forgotten him now youve upgraded Carly: shouldnt need my review Ali: shh, he'll cry Carly: he was when i wouldnt let him stay for dinner idc Ali: poor boy 😏 Carly: one of his other girls can cook for him Carly: my ma aint there & i aint doing it Ali: he needs to just give in and marry one of his own Ali: it's what he wants, no matter what he reckons Carly: he told me he is Carly: but hes said worse for a fuck so idk Ali: rude Ali: where's my invite to mourn my loss, boy Carly: ill tell him to text you Carly: wont have lost your number Ali: got the drunk texts to prove it Ali: bless Carly: ha Carly: only answer mine tho Carly: 💍 perks Ali: only if I ain't also there with ya Carly: yea Carly: youre gonna b w me forever so Ali: I'll just tell you in person then Ali: if you tell me Ali: deal? Carly: k Carly: i feel happy Carly: 😊😊😊😊😊 Ali: you're on your way Ali: where are you, btw Carly: the longest road ever Ali: hm, tell me about it Ali: I'll run Ali: in dramatic, sexy slo-mo Carly: me too Carly: only way i run Carly: see you when we collide Ali: wifey goals Ali: won't even try and make it our lips that collide Ali: scout's honour Carly: anticipations more fun Carly: plenty of other places I can touch you first Ali: we'll pretend you meant my 💘 Carly: i did that first night @ first 👀 Ali: no lie, we'll have to think of somewhere else innocent-sounding then Ali: do some experimenting, straight girl Carly: i have Carly: i told you ready when you are Ali: I told you, dangerous Carly: only if you get caught Carly: i won't tell if you don't Carly: so good at keeping secrets Ali: I'll sort it Ali: I made vows Ali: she'll understand Carly: were just taking them seriously Carly: nobody can be mad about that Ali: deadly, like Ali: also forgot a bra, naturally and this run is killing me Carly: somewhere innocent I can touch you then Carly: god works in obvious ways Carly: like you Ali: please Ali: if I was doing it for your benefit sure I'd put one on Ali: show 'em off Carly: you kno you dont need to Carly: not your first bbq either Ali: 😏 Ali: maybe Carly: no maybe u kno Carly: & you can feel my 😍 Carly: travelling faster than my slo mo run Ali: love being your wcw, babe 😉 Carly: idk what that is Carly: but if the first letters arent wild child I'm sad Ali: that's far less straight girl so we'll go with it Ali: hope for you yet, like Carly: youre not gonna tell me what it means Ali: woman crush wednesday Ali: used exclusively by girls like Leesha and that Carly: omg i think my ma said that @ the telly the other night Carly: it wasnt wednesday Ali: feeling like hyping up Chezza whatever the night Ali: I 👀 you Carly: but youre wrong Carly: i dont have a crush on you i love you Ali: so if I need a kidney you're down Ali: but no gay shit Ali: 👌 Carly: yea cos whats mine is yours Carly: all of me Carly: so you can have anything you want Ali: good to know Ali: make a killing on the black market Carly: just tell me if youre draining me in the tub so i can have a good last nite before Carly: & stop making me beg for gay shit that's not a mood Carly: i dont do the begging its the other way round Carly: ask anyone Ali: of course Ali: I ain't an animal Ali: you don't have to beg Carly: what do you want me to say then Ali: what you want Ali: obviously Carly: find me Carly: you can do that yea Ali: easy Ali: [does 'cos how long can one road be] Carly: [most excited hug that turns into the longest hug & moment because well we know] Ali: [turns it into linking arms and walking 'fore shit gets too real here] Carly: [is just happy & loling & chatting shit which is endless compliments basically like her eyes being tiny skies & sunshine hair etc you get the idea because high af] Ali: [is listening and not dismissing it 'cos not that bitch but also knows she's high so not being like ooh lol, 'you're so pure'] Carly: [dramatically stops cos remembers suddenly that she needs to give Ali her share so does, sad & mad at herself like she's so upset she nearly forgot bless] Ali: [cups her chin like hey and tells her it's okay whilst looking in her eyes as she takes her share] Carly: [back to being smiley just like that because reassurance bitch & takes her hand & leads her along cos handholding ftw] Ali: [is happy she's happy again] Carly: [her phone is going off cos Ronan but she's ignoring cos only got eyes for Alison rn] Ali: ['you put love eggs in or?'] Carly: [talks in depth about how she's drawing the line at borrowing that kinda shit from her ma cos oversharer even when she ain't high & also throws her phone to Ali playfully like no look so we can imagine how lovely those messages are even just from the first line preview thing] Ali: [takes Carly's thumb so she can open it and reply 'cos that bitch] Carly: [is just loling even though this is such a bad idea] Ali: [schools him in a way that probably sounds familiar lbr] Carly: [then a selfie sesh cos those bitches they love themselves] Ali: [takes her sunnies off her head and puts 'em on Carly 'cos her eyes are massive/pinholed depending which way we're rocking this lol] Ali: [does a 'shh' like no one's gonna know] Carly: [you know she's keeping them sunnies forever now soz] Ali: [just swinging their arms having a gay old time] Carly: [just singing something as they going cos no stage fright when high af & her voice is nice so its a moment] Ali: [😍] Carly: [more compliments when she notices Ali is looking at her cos she's pretty af lbr] Ali: ['how many other hidden talents you got, like?'] Carly: [thinks about it way harder than the question warrants like its a hard question cos lowkey is when you don't reckon you got any skills. Says 11 cos bday clue & lucky number with a mysterious expression like but then laughs cos if she has to ever back that up awks] Ali: [lols back but squeezes her hand like don't doubt it] Carly: [looks down at her feet because actually is shoeless here 'how far?'] Ali: [gestures like 'piggyback?' but ain't that far in my mind] Carly: [accepts because always, good thing Ali is strong & Carly is skinny cos they literally the same height] Ali: [galloping about and into your function like idiots 'cos she's coming up now too] Carly: [miracle that Carly don't fall cos not holding on properly cos wants to stretch her arms out so its like a bike with no handlebars situation lol] Ali: [imagine everyone's faces lmao] Carly: [Tess scowl be like seen from space] Ali: [gets situated on the grass and is just helping herself to drinks Carly: [is just having a little dance by herself cos feeling great not soz everyone especially not soz Ro cos you wish you could babe] Ali: [at least little rock can join in] Carly: [aw the two of them dancing together like cute nerds & she's spinning him round & everything] Ali: [just ignoring all her fam's questions and being chatty af like nothing's weird 'cos high, then joining in 'cos duh more fun[ Carly: [all you can hear is Carly's laugh which is the best so deal with it fam thank you, let my sweet baby angel be happy] Ali: [when you being blatant af] Carly: [when you don't need to be touching a girl who has a girlfriend this much when you dancing in a non sexy way but you is] Ali: [defs need a sprinkler they can all be running through] Carly: [wet t-shirts ftw I see you] Ali: [is motioning like come to my room but not like that lads, just get some weed like you need it] Carly: [takes some drinks with her but the only mental image I have is when Lily in Skins with armfuls when she says keep your vagina on & I'm loling] Ali: [hey ro hey] Carly: [okay but Carly trying to talk to her & being so nice cos she's so pure & Ro being so rude] Ali: [even in her state given her all the disappointed looks like ??] Carly: [this sweet child laughing it off cos how she do but how dare you Ro, I'm mad] Ali: [going to the kitchen for food, accidental ultimate ro shade] Carly: [just following Ali cos she's never been here & don't know where she's going but quieter cos you can tell she's thinking what did I do wrong cos how her brain works] Ali: [being reassuring af] Carly: [sitting on the kitchen counter swinging her legs looking so cute with her dirty feet & drinks from the tap cos she do what she want] Ali: ['you look beautiful'] Carly: [smiles & laughs like its chill but is seriously 😳 cos who says nice things to her like this ever] Ali: [gets them and rocky ice lollies bye everyone else] Carly: [when you eating it seductively without being aware or trying to be that cos its your life] Ali: [is giggling 'cos high] Carly: [more compliments because how cute] Ali: [lays her head in her lap to 'cloudgaze' aka sneak peeks] Carly: [playing with her hair & freckles sporadically because she's soft & intimate like that, be more blatant girl, love it] Ali: [doing daisychain around her wrist 'cos bringing it back] Carly: [finally remembers there are drinks so is on that but v distracted looking at & touching Ali, oh girl same we all would] Ali: [tryna be chill but obvs into it regardless of how 'straight she is] Carly: [lies in the grass & does snow angel moves like she can flatten the grass & make one, god bless you babe, brings Ali with her so they just snuggling cos we can be this blatant] Ali: [just stroking her hair nbd] Carly: [loves it & is making it known by talking about how good it feels & throwing out compliments like its her job sorry for how gay this is everyone but she thinks Ali is the best so] Ali: [backatcha telling her how pure and sweet she is and they're just blabbing at each other] Carly: [soz k stew but this is cute] Ali: [when you wanna kiss her so bad 'cos you're high and happy and this is a mood] Carly: [I'll either save or condemn us cos she's gonna go take some more pills so they don't wear off so they could be alone if Ali goes with & she'd be dragging her along so v dangerous] Ali: [looking at themselves in the mirror and making funny faces] Carly: [& Carly just peeing cos no shame, same tbh] Ali: [but doing like war/festival style paint on each other's face with like, whatever lipstick has been left in that bathroom] Carly: [but think how close Ali would have to be to her face to do that like how has she not kissed her, applause needed honestly] Ali: [draws a lil heart on Carly's nose] Carly: [can't stop looking at herself cos loves it] Ali: [takes loads of pictures, improtu bathroom photoshoot sesh] Carly: [likewise taking loads of pics of Ali but like weird close ups cos she gaaaaaaaay & focused on the details] Ali: [posing 'cos we know she's about it lmao] Carly: [more touching of freckles like she's gonna draw something connect the dots style but just using her fingers cos they are perfect as they are & she'd say so] Ali: [not much would phase her but she would be blushing rn] Carly: [just gushing about how adorable she is endlessly like it'd be too much from anyone else] Ali: [keeps saying ILY 'cos being off your face ftw] Carly: [saying it back of course & all the terms of endearment like baby, angel etc cos that's just how she is anyway] Ali: [someone, probably Tess, banging on the door like they're desperate, we see you ma] Carly: [jumps out of her skin, again same] Ali: [hugs her protectively] Carly: [smelling her hair like a peak gay during the hug because lbr it'd smell nice, no shade or shame here, more compliments for that obvs] Ali: [going back downstairs before there's a brawl but when you ain't even phased 'cos something happening here deal fam Carly: [when you lowkey dancing your way back out cos you happy af & you find the dog on the way so you're carrying him with you & kissing & loving him & its adorable sorry bye] Ali: [and spuds such a funny looking boy lmao] Carly: [lying on the grass again spooning the dog & singing to him probably a song from when she was little & her mum cared like he a baby] Ali: [just watching and melting 'cos actually so cute, don't cry bitch lmao] Carly: [sees her & crawls over like hey, curling up with her again because the lap is a mood forever & we need to claim it from your future child for the gays] Ali: [doing teeny tiny plaits in her hair and humming the song she was just singing to the dog] Carly: [just chatting shit the whole time soz everyone else but they loving life let them be] Ali: [just getting to know each other hardcore 'cos neither of them has much time for small talk or bullshit anyway so on drugs it'd be like 1000 percent more intense, also shamelessly ignore a call and multiple texts from your actual girlfriend] Carly: [but then after all that because I'm evil & she's 'straight' let's say she makes eye contact with Fraze somehow so off she goes to flirt with him as if that's even a possibility when you know it'd just be annoying like her taking his 🚬 to try & be so cool & seductive, babe no. He's just like Ali control your girls] Ali: [is annoyed but not gonna do anything unless it got more dramatic like you deal, casually going through her phone to find a party or something] Carly: [Fraze just being such a dickhead soz Carly also knowing that's Bea's lipstick because of course he does so loling about her & Ali's impending doom] Carly: [also Ro coming out cos someone made her to 'eat' so just being super judgey such joy] Ali: [fully like fuck this like don't kill my vibe fam so walking like she just gonna go in the house but really she peacing] Ali: if ur done come back out Carly: where d u go? Ali: found us a party Carly: k Carly: [catches up to her like oh hey] Ali: [tells her it ain't far to go and starts walking] Carly: [looks down at her feet like she only just remembered she's not wearing shoes but doesn't miss a beat in keeping in step with her because being gay is more important] Carly: dont b mad @ me Ali: [looks down too and is like, we can go get shoes first if you want lol] Ali: I ain't Carly: the colours around you have changed Carly: i kno u r Ali: nah it's like Ali: hmm Ali: I'm not sure what it's like Carly: like me again Carly: [is saying sorry because always quick to that one] Ali: ['I do, you don't need to say that'] Carly: [trying to give Ali her drink as a peace offering like hmm I've done something wrong must make amends somehow] Carly: [& then more pills when she remembers she has them still] Ali: [shrugs like why not and accepts, cue Leesha and probably her 'best' friend tottering out of her house looking the most overdressed] Carly: [Carly loling because she has the whole day but these bitches taking it as a slight against their everything] Ali: [Leesha started shouting the odds 'cos mother's daughter and obvs already white girl wasted, Ali like let's just go 'cos over it] Carly: [Carly offering her pills cos change your mood babe & being looked at like she's offering poison, you've been there before Leesha I get it] Ali: [tryna lowkey drag her away before this becomes the Thing tm they want it to be for the #drama] Carly: [Carly just chatting about Ali's heroics & how sweet she is cos knight in shining armor for her forever lbr just like 😍] Ali: [loling] Carly: [Carly just out the blue like 'you should kiss her, then she'd be happier' like no babe Leesha ain't you but I love the softness of your world view] Ali: ['fully converted, are you?'] Carly: [lols but is also like 'you haven't kissed me yet' with a cute little pouty face as she walks on slightly ahead looking at the sky] Ali: ['Night still young, baby'] Carly: [clearly is buzzing about this & not hiding that 'I love you more than her' how unspecific she could mean Leesha or K stew or both, god bless] Ali: [is all 'I know' but not 'cos she's a cocky bitch lmao 'cos you're pure'] Carly: [puts her arms up like a child who wants to be picked up cos she wants Ali to carry her into the party] Ali: [does 'cos duh even if she's joking about how high maintenance she is] Carly: [snuggling into her the whole time cos she's soft] Ali: [let's hope it's not too far, probably some 20-something hippie waster's chill thing] Carly: [when you humming but using Ali's heartbeat as your basis for a tune cos gaaaaaaaaaaay] Ali: [when you're harmonizing] Carly: [#goals for real] Carly: [but then she gotta stop so she can compliment Ali again cos we know her voice is fire but Carly didn't necessarily know this] Ali: ['we should jam for real some time'] Carly: [cue her rambling stage fright reveal because like we said no time for bullshit so its just being put out there & she's like 'you'll have to sing to me'] Ali: [is like okay but silently thinking of all the ways she could help her confidence 'cos that bitch but not gonna be pushy and patronizing about it 'cos not THAT bitch] Carly: [just staring at her adorably all like 'what are you thinking about?'] Ali: ['you'] Carly: [such a big smile but also blushing 'good things?'] Ali: [just gives her a look that's like what do you think and obviously, yes] Carly: [a big hug moment and kisses her on her forehead cos where the thoughts come from] Ali: [the mess of lipstick their faces are] Carly: [they must look crazy, living for it] Ali: [good thing no one at this party will care, turn up and chatting to people and the usual] Carly: [there should be someone there for Carly to hook up with to hurt Ali's heart & reaffirm the 'straightness'] Ali: [when you can't 'cos you got a gf, gutted] Carly: [who is probably still trying to contact you cos highkey] Ali: [text her back girl, come on] Carly: [do it while your real gf is getting you a drink lol] Ali: [let's text]
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1. Who was the last person you held hands with? my best friend
2. Are you outgoing or shy? shy
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? my best friend
4. Are you easy to get along with? depends. i try to be, but im also REALLY picky/have strong opinions on a lot of stuff, and im autistic..
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? yeah
6. What kind of people are you attracted to? a caring one, who listens before judging
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? yeah
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? my best friend
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? sometimes
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? probably my best friend
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “o”
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? uhm. I like A LOT of songs.
billie ellish- bury a friend and you should see me in a crown
rag’n’bone man - human
rebel - black pearl (hes a pirate)
Aladdin soundtrack - Prince Ali and one jump ahead
arctic monkeys - Do I wanna know?
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? rarely
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? yea
15. What good thing happened this summer? new job, in my field of study
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? yepp
17. Do you think there is life on other planets? probs at least simple life
18. Do you still talk to your first crush? only if I run into him getting coffee (he works there)
19. Do you like bubble baths? if im in the mood
20. Do you like your neighbors? one i do, one i absolutely dont, the rest i dont interact w
21. What are you bad habits? im REALLY picky, and can come off as ungrateful (if u can’t do it right id rather u just not do it. apparently its more common to think at least you got something/they tried.)
22. Where would you like to travel? Anywhere w the right people. Nowhere without.
23. Do you have trust issues? kinda. More like I understand people wont understand me or meet my needs adequately.
24. Favorite part of your daily routine? morning coffee
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? my chin/teeth
26. What do you do when you wake up? if I have ResponsibilitesTM i get up and get coffee and leave the house in less than 20 min, otherwise i lay in bed on tumblr until i have to get up due to responsibilities or hunger.
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? im good w where its at tbh
28. Who are you most comfortable around? my best friend
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? yeah.
30. Do you ever want to get married? yeah
31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? lol yesss
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? none?
33. Spell your name with your chin. bdfuds
34. Do you play sports? What sports? not really. i like frisbee and longboarding if those count.
35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? no. I cant keep secrets.
37. What do you say during awkward silences? i usu dont. ill just go on my phone/leave/etc
38. Describe your dream girl/guy? my best friend.
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? hot topic
40. What do you want to do after high school? lol im not in high school
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? depends on what they did and why, and if they want to grow as a person/make it right
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? im tired/overwhelmed/content/bored
43. Do you smile at strangers? if i lock eyes with them and they smiled, i might smile back, but im pretty good at Not Looking At People
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? ocean
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? ResponsibilitiesTM
46. What are you paranoid about? having a heart attack and no one being around to help me/not noticing until its too late
47. Have you ever been high? yea
48. Have you ever been drunk? yea
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? no
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? black
51. Ever wished you were someone else? no, but i have wished my parents were
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? my chin probs. idk i like myself
53. Favourite makeup brand? i dont wear makeup
54. Favourite store? this is a duplicate question.
55. Favourite blog? uhm.
56. Favourite colour? black/grey/light pink/raspberry/celery green
57. Favourite food? cheese, cheddar brats, spinach, chocolate chip cookies, milkshakes
58. Last thing you ate? rice w beef, spinach, egg and soy sauce
59. First thing you ate this morning? coffee and nutella
60. Ever won a competition? For what? I think so but i cant remember. Oh i think I won an anti-bullying poster competition once.
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? lol nopee
62. Been arrested? For what? no
63. Ever been in love? few times now
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? uh. no. cuz i didnt even like the dude.
65. Are you hungry right now? no
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? i only have one real friend so I feel like thats unfair
67. Facebook or Twitter? tumblr.
68. Twitter or Tumblr? still tumblr
69. Are you watching tv right now? lol no
70. Names of your bestfriends? no, bc hed not appreciate it
71. Craving something? What? not rn
72. What colour are your towels? grey or floral w pinks and blacks and oranges
72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 3
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? yes, usu. 2
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? total? uh. 8?
75. Favourite animal? birbs prob.
76. What colour is your underwear? why?
77. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate, unless its ice cream. then vanilla
78. Favourite ice cream flavour? berry (any) or cheesecake (also any)
79. What colour shirt are you wearing? grey
80. What colour pants? a darker grey
81. Favourite tv show? uh. i like sherlock.
82. Favourite movie? deadpool probs. or pirates of the Caribbean. or Aladdin. or detective pikachu.
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? never seen either
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? never seen either
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? n/a
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? uhm. I cant remember. Probs the black and white one w the scar, or the starfish, or the sea gull
87. First person you talked to today? my sister
88. Last person you talked to today? my best friend
89. Name a person you hate? my past roommate
90. Name a person you love? my best friend
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? my past roommate and most recent ex
92. In a fight with someone? currently? no? ever? yes.
93. How many sweatpants do you have? 5
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? 6
95. Last movie you watched? i dont know
96. Favourite actress? i dunno
97. Favourite actor? i dunno
98. Do you tan a lot? no
99. Have any pets? no
100. How are you feeling? i dont know
101. Do you type fast? yeah
102. Do you regret anything from your past? yeah, but not overly
103. Can you spell well? i think so
104. Do you miss anyone from your past? no
105. Ever been to a bonfire party? i dont think so, but i want to (w the right people)
106. Ever broken someone’s heart? yeah, oops
107. Have you ever been on a horse? yep
108. What should you be doing? cleaning my house
109. Is something irritating you right now? no
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yea
111. Do you have trust issues? yea
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? my best friend
113. What was your childhood nickname? B. as in, just the letter
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yea
115. Do you play the Wii? no
116. Are you listening to music right now? yea
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? not usually
118. Do you like Chinese food? i think so
119. Favourite book? uhm. sherlock (the whole series). the uglies series (scott westerfield). the secret garden. Fahrenheit 451. 1984.
120. Are you afraid of the dark? no, but sometimes im afraid theres something in it
121. Are you mean? no
122. Is cheating ever okay? no
123. Can you keep white shoes clean? if i want to
124. Do you believe in love at first sight? no
125. Do you believe in true love? im not sure i know what this means
126. Are you currently bored? no
127. What makes you happy? i dont know
128. Would you change your name? no
129. What your zodiac sign? gemini
130. Do you like subway? i cant eat there
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? lol weve been dating for a while now
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? my best friend
133. Favourite lyrics right now? uh. I dont know.
134. Can you count to one million? that would take a month, so no.
135. Dumbest lie you ever told? i dont know. probably that i couldnt go to work bc i was “throwing up from a migraine” when i hadnt thrown up (yet).
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? it varies
137. How tall are you? i think im like. 5′8″?
138. Curly or Straight hair? curly. but not consistent
139. Brunette or Blonde? i am a brunette
140. Summer or Winter? winter. i can always wear more clothes
141. Night or Day? night. its quiet and calm
142. Favourite month? august and october
143. Are you a vegetarian? no
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? yes.
145. Tea or Coffee? yes. depends on time of day/year/mood/etc
146. Was today a good day? i dont know
147. Mars or Snickers? mars
148. What’s your favourite quote? “if you cant explain it simply, you dont understand it well enough” -einstien is one of them. but there are more
149. Do you believe in ghosts? i dont know
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “aunt lillian’s footsteps became more distant, became whispers, were gone.”
@ramblebrambleamble i got bored and answered all of them
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well i managed to crawl out for a month but uh. last night was a big trigger fest.
went to my friends with another friend. they complimented me on my weight loss and said it was obvious i had lost a shitton. (which. like 20 pounds, yeah, i... guess thats a lot but its not Enough).
other friend struggled w ed in middle school. their mom made some Comments recently and now they're uncomfy and they asked about weight loss. friend we were visiting said they could stand to lose maybe 15 or 20 pounds if they wanted, but they certainly dont qualify as fat.
which. is the same amount as they congratulated me on.
we all compared body types and fat content. comments on our thighs and stomachs and backs and chests.
and i am now. wearing my comfort hoodie. watching youtbe. dissociating. ive had 630 calories today because i know i cant restrict super hard so fast. i smiled this morning after skipping dinner and waking up hungry, that lovely hunger that aches but doesn't hurt. you know you could eat but you're not Hungry hungry even if you can feel your empty stomach. its... a good feeling.
im gonna have a sandwich and some ice cream for my second and final meal for the day and itll probably be some... 430 cal, ending around 1060 for the day.
gods. i want to go to sleep. i want to lie down and waste away.
on the way home a song from my mental loop playlist came on. then one from a self harm perspective. my friend and i listened to an anxiety vent playlist. scream sang the whole way. it didnt help. made it worse?
maybe.
im not doing so hot. im worried about my job status too. and rent and my dads birthday.
i think im gonna go pass out. this totally counts as my journal for the new List Of Organization.
i pasted it on my freezer fridge door.
ive made progress recently, in terms of philosophy and uncovering and understanding my issues. responsibility and suicidal thoughts and attachment issues and how much im hurting and have been hurt and dissociation as a coping mechanism for mental and emotional abuse and then as an anxiety mechanism too. and to cope with school and the boredom and not being able to do what i want and the lack of freedom.
i dont know if ill ever get to the point where i uncover why i hate not being free in my own definition. like thats such a core part of who i am and i am terrified of that being rooted in abuse. if i dont value freedom who am i? but also... i think ive always valued freedom. i think how i approach it has changed. when i was small i didnt care about the opinions of others and their actions or anything. but here i am now caring a Lot. and part of that is... in later elementary, from then on, peoples opinions and words started precluding actions that infringed on my routines and worldview. and then it scaled into full on abuse by my mother. words started mattering a whole FUCKING lot, and actions as well. words had to be careful, actions could be covered up with the right motive and words. a tool for power and put downs. and i hated it and feared it.
and when i started fearing others, noticed how i wasnt free to Be anymore... i started panicking and dissociating and i couldnt handle NOT being me so i stopped.
i stopped being me because i couldnt stand to see me destroyed or warped or killed by the spirits of envy and hatred all around me.
that makes it sound so poetic, but i was scared and it was terrible and awful and scary. and i cant say i regret it because im still not me.
ill never be the same me again. im not even fully me of now.
freedom is. so important to me. it sucks that that was put in jeopardy. that a singular sun in my world was destroyed on someone else's whims, for someone else's COMFORT. as if the mind of child is something okay to smother when they disagree with you.
fuck that. i hate her. i hate this. i hate that this happened. i hate that im not me. i cant hate myself. i cant even be myself and i hate that fact its frustrating.
im making progress but i dont know if i can even hit a point where i comfy enough to be me. if i can reach an understanding with the others and stope fearing. if theyll ever stop being frustrated with me long enough for us to effectively communicate. if we can. if its fair for me to expect or ask explanations for emotions and rules. if its okay. if ill ever be okay again.
im crying now.
im gonna get some water and curl up.
just asked that we all have access to this journal here in the system. i.
im scattered. hey, more progress ig.
insight, at least.
i need a therapist but i dont know if im willing to trust someone with all of these innermost thoughts and ideas and the backstory. i dont know if i can trust a strangers judgement.
what if they call me a liar and call it a day?
yea we can just move on and find a new therapist. it will hurt though. leave us with more issues. devastating to be invalidated by someone with a license. like yea the system has issues and all and you cant guarentee people dont have bias or are otherwise a good fit or even fit for the job every time. it still sucks that i have to go into this with that uncertainty. it makes it harder and easier, i think, to know that. therapists are imperfect, theyre people just like you and me. i just. thats more comforting than i thought it would be. i thought realizing they were professionals meant like. their word has to be taken as holy or some shit. no it doesnt theyre people. theyre trained, but quality control is questionable and bias is extensive and training is sometimes pretty niche. i need to look for someone specifically trained in like. 4 or 5 things. like. anxiety, depression, borderline, osdd/did, autism, add/adhd, possibly ocd, and DEFINITELY cptsd. i dont know what exactly i have but i know i have more than one and i kinda need to work through a shitton and find out whats UP. seriously. i might need medication. id like to try cbt/dbt first and work on integration/personal identity first. but holy SHIT.
im not mentioning ed beyond In The Past if i can help it ahfjfsgkf. like ed i have in hand. i know its a way to feel in control because im afraid of the world and also to approach the body i want, fulfill society standards in a way i wish i didnt care at all about but i do care at least a little despite my denial, and to combat dysphoria/prepare for top surgery.
gods above. im kinda fucked up huh. like more at once than i think is possible and i might be giving myself more issues if i dont handle my new job in a healthy way.
fuck.
anyway. yeah. im back. im not better than ever but im making progress. todays a bad mental health day so far. i want to lose another 10 pounds before i see a therapist just in case. if they say i should try losing weight i am going to glare flatly and absolutely spill how much ive lost but not the timeline or ed habits. but yknow. 165 or so before starting? puts me solidly in the Chubby At First Glance But Not Super Overweight category.
me and my friends also tried to weigh my tits the other day. kitchen scale and leaning down put them at 4.5 lbs each, theyre big enough to try, but thats probably an understimation by like, 40% just by sheer volume. thats like. 10, 15 pounds minimum of boob weight. i want it gone. gone. away please. off my body. no tits or an A cup. and an A cup is highly unlikely so full top it is.
gods. okay ive gone on long enough im going to get water and lay down now. im still dissociating pretty heavily.
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its been so long i dont even remember how to blog apparently but i really got tired of me complaining about stuff like not tired but annoyed at myself bc i was literally always whining lmao so i kinda needed a break i guess but i really wanna try writing things down regularly again
anyway last year i made plans with a couple classmates to study together bc even tho its something that makes me extremely anxious i still want to force myself to keep trying cause for some reason lately i literally dont study unless there’s someone with me so spending all day every day alone doesnt work anymore and fortunately they offered if i wanted to study with them so i just said yes and hoped for the best
well this week was the first time i met one of them (btw i think ive mentioned having a crush on this guy at some point i dont think i said much about him cause there isnt a lot to tell tbh were mostly around the same people and he looks cute and he almost started a physical fight with one of the firsts ‘friends’ ive had here but he still looked cute and no other incidents happened so its fine i guess lmao) and i have to say i think i love him in the most platonic way possible and also i love that he started refering to me casually as ‘amiga’ (buddy pal dude whatever equivalent that would be in english) like he started calling me that a few days after he asked me if i wanted to study with him and now he says it all the time and today when i went to his place (he came to my place once on monday and today i went to his to make it even or smth lmao ) he introduced me to his parents and his sister as his friend and btw he has a girlfriend and he talks her often so i kinda feel friendzoned in the best way possible??????
and like i have a lot of not so positive feelings about people who go around calling literally anyone amiga/o because to me (as a person who feels like they have probably one and a half friends if that) that the word kinda loses its meaning and becomes more of a nickname almost (also pls dont ask me what i think friendship means because ive come to realize i have no idea also now i kinda think having a loose enough definition that allows you to feel like the world is your friend seems like a way happier experience to me, cant relate tho) like basically the fact that he refers to me as his friend doesnt really mean much but tbh i really want it to work cause besides that one almost fight in 2015 i dont think theres anything about him that makes me like uneasy and/or doubt him and his intentions if anything he lowkey knows how to help me feel more calm and welcomed and god i dont wanna sound like i think hes perfect or anything bc tbh i dont even know him that much but he really seems like a great friend material lmao i dont even think we have anything in common besides uni but tbh being around him feels so nice that i dont even mind
wait it just occurred to me, a more simple way to describe it would like tbh i tend to feel out of place like almost all the time but so far it hasnt been like that while i was with him and even though im still me, anxious mess me hes so reassuring like vocally reassuring that i feel silly for worrying and apologizing so much but not in like ‘oh now im worrying and apologizing too much’ kinda way but more in like a ‘my brain is starting to understand that its safe and im safe and he likes me and we’re having fun while studying and making progress so worrying isnt as important rn’ so (and i hate saying this bc of its implications im sorry) i think feel pretty normal and i like it and i want to feel like that more often
i could probably go on but this is getting ridiculous lmao after everything i just wrote all i know is that my metaphorical dick is so hard for a guy ive spent two days with how in the worm is this not going to end terribly? i dont have a clue tbh but boy i sure hope i dont fuck it up
#oh hi there im just fantasizing about having friends#as one does#cause why not#anyway the funniest part is that i really thought i didnt remember how to write long ass posts anymore#like#who has that many words to say at a time#and yet#here i am#turning this overthinking session into a piece that not even i am going to re read ever bc of how long it is#bonus talk:#how do i know hes as honest and open as im saying he is?#i dont know but its just a feeling yk#and i trust the feeling bc from the times ive been around him in uni he really acts like this with mostly everyone#so i dont have a reason to not believe him#what did it for me was meeting his family today#like as soon as i met his parents it made sense#idk it was such a kind and warm welcome#im not sure how id describe them cause they were around for a very short time but even for those few minutes they were exactly like him#(my parents would never lmao)#so yea my trust issues are not gone but at least this time they dont think its vital to interfiere yet#personal
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Car insurance questions!?!!? HELP! accident!?
"Car insurance questions!?!!? HELP! accident!?
Also the police came, but he didn't take any report. he just asked if everyone was ok and left since mine was the 6th accident on the same freeway.. so he was on a rush to go to one few miles in ahead of me.. i did file an accident report with dmv though.. and in that when it asked about injury i said none since they just drove off and said no when i asked them
BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://salecarinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr
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My son's girlfriend is 18 and she is purchasing a new car. She is financing part of it. The insurance for her is very expensive so I though maybe I could add her to my policy. I figure if the car was in my name it wouldn't be a problem, but since it is going to be in her name and since she's not actually related to me I may not be able to do it.""
How much content insurance do i need?
my insurance company needs an answer asap. we close in 2 days. small bungalow with finished basement, approx 2300 square feet in total. Master bedroom spare bedroom, office, rec room, kitchen, dining room, great room, full bath, 2pc & 3pc bath, 3 flat screen tvs, usual appliances, all rooms furnished modestly. Would $50,000 be enough?""
What car is very cheap to insure? Im 17 and really want a car!?
I was thinking about the peugeot 106 before ad the saxo but apparentley its too expensive, i just want to know a car that i can get quite cheap insurance for, bearing in mind im 17!""
Auto insurance for a 19 yr old with a 1989 corvette?
My uncle is handing his 1989 C3 Corvette over to me as a present for getting my license.. I was wondering how much insurance would probably run me..I'm 19. College Student. Good GPA. Employed. I Live in Vegas if that helps. Thanks much!
Will a seatbelt violation afect my insurance rate in california?
Will a seatbelt violation afect my insurance rate in california?
""Insurance company totaled my car, How much will i get for it?""
I was in a pretty bad accident and the insurance company says that my car is totaled and they will write me a check for the amount. My question is what amount? On KBB would it be the trade in value, private party value, or the suggested retail value?""
""I have been married for nearly 20 years in california, but my husband and I were separated after only one year?""
What laws are there for spousal support in a legal separation and what medical benefits am I entitled to, he says we need to stay married because he is a teacher and I will not qualify for health benefits if we file a legal separation or divorce. I know he gets the head of household tax break, but isn't there a bigger break on spousal support. As I said he is a teacher and I am permanently disabled. We live in the state of California. Thanks for any suggestions on this matter. Right now i have a PPO insurance with good benefits. It is the support that is lacking, And no I am not even looking for my fair share I just want a little closer to fair on support. I live way below the poverty level.""
Car insurance changes depending where you live?
My sister has had a car for awhile now that was given to her by a family member, and she had her insurance and all set up and she was fine. We moved pretty much across the street but when you cross this street you live in a different town, the borders are in the middle of the road. So she called to change her address and they charged her 30 some odd dollars cause apparently the costs of living in this down is higher on your car insurance, so can anyone please explain to me why this is? Why would moving from one town to another, [across a road] take any effect on car insurance?""
What is the cheapest car insurer for a 23yr old guy?
Obviously in the UK, so please no irritating as hell Try Patriot Insurance based in Washington ... So far, Zurich appears to be the cheapest. But i'm guessing we can go lower. Im trying to insure a 1997 Fiesta, 1.2, 3 door with immobiliser. Only doing 1000 miles or less each year. I have been out of driving now for 5 years. Can anyone recommend a cheap-as-chips car insurer? - It's ridiculous how just third party costs more than the car itself. My best qoute is around 580 - for third party ONLY. - A p*ss take. Thanks for your help.""
I have a question about insurance..who is the most well known insurance in canada...and give a great benifit?
i have a question about insurance..who is the most well known insurance in canada...and give a great benifit?
Car insurance cheaper with 2 drivers?
Ok guys, learning to drive hopefully pass my test within a couple of months, what I'm wondering is, I'll go onto my fathers insurance for a couple of years as 2nd driver, no I will not be the main driver before any of you come on to say that's illegal it's called fronting I know I know. He uses it 5 days a week for work anyway ill probably only be using it during the weekends, I'm only really going on his so I can get a couple of years on my license and when it comes to it my insurance won't be a fortune, I'm 25 just now, worked out if I want to have my own insurance it with a small 1L engine it would cost me 1547 a year, not gonna happen, so I'm going to go onto my fathers insurance as 2nd driver to his car. A 1.8L vauxhall vectra. Ok now to the question lol, my fathers insurance just now is 26 a month, with me going on to his insurance it will work out at 18 each a month, is this normal? Insurance to go down when you add a 2nd named driver who would only have passed his test?? This is fully comprehensive cover. But if I wanted to driver my own car a small 1L engine it would be roughly 129 a month. Seems like it doesn't add up. Go figure lol Got the quotes from go compare and confused.com. Just seems like it doesn't add up, have insurance for 26 a month with 1 driver or have it for 18 each with 2 drivers, one who has little experience and has only just passed his test driving a 1.8L engine""
Car accident at fault no insurance?
my car was hit from behind last week and the insurance companies came to the resolution that the people that hit us were at fault. they didnt have any insurance and the person driving my car didnt have insurance either. i still owe 6k on the car, how can i get the $ back or get rid of my car without going to small claims court?""
How much is the average car insurance in southwest VA?
Im 20 years old. Im moving somewhere in the southwest va area within the next month and was wondering how much the average car insurance will be
Are insurance payments for turboed cars high?
I am 17 and I am going to get a car soon. I want to get a '95 Nissan 240sx with a sr20 swap from my dads friend. I know it seems like a lot of car for a 17 year old but I've driven turboed cars before and can handle the power, so please no rude comments. I really want this car but the only thing that concerns me is the insurance payments. Will they be really high because it is a turboed car? And because I'm only 17?""
How much does it cost to rent or lease a?
How much does it cost to rent or lease a car for 3 months? Do i have to pay it all in advance or pay monthly? also insurance options or mandatory full coverage?
How Much Would It Cost to insure a Lancer Evo?
How Much Would It Cost to insure a Lancer Evo?
Car insurance question?
say i get insured first time and i need to get my car to a road safety test and it fails badly and would cost to much to repair (more than the car is worth) can i cancel the insurance say 2 weeks after getting it? if yes, does there usually be a cancellation fee?""
Does anyone know the insurance group prices in the UK?
looking at car insurance does anyone know how much is group is like 3E, 5 and 12 or summit is there any websites where you can find them? if anyone has any suggestions please leave below!""
""My father has been here in the usa for 25 years and has diabetes, obviously he cannot get insurance because he""
my father has been here in the usa for 25 years and has diabetes, obviously he cannot get insurance because he wasnt born here on usa but he has diabetes really bad and serious, does anyine know how i can help him get medicine? some type of program maybe? or how much does the top diabetes medicines cost? i would appreciate any kind of help.""
When asked to give name and address for a car insurance quote?
Do they send you information? Because my parents currently pay for my car insurance but I want to get some insurance quotes before I move out of the house (which they don't know about). I also don't want junk mail...
Any suggestions on best Health Insurance for a diabetic?
My son is in his late twenties, without health insurance and was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes, requiring him to take insulin daily. We are trying to help him with this financially, and bills are enormous. Any ideas on what might be the best health insurance plan for him? Thanks in advance for any suggestions.""
Car insurance questions!?!!? HELP! accident!?
Also the police came, but he didn't take any report. he just asked if everyone was ok and left since mine was the 6th accident on the same freeway.. so he was on a rush to go to one few miles in ahead of me.. i did file an accident report with dmv though.. and in that when it asked about injury i said none since they just drove off and said no when i asked them
Can you drive a parent's car without insurance in NYC?
My dad has a car with insurance on it, but my name is not on it. Is it legal for me to drive the car? I live in New York City, and I'm not worried about the risk of insurance not covering damages because my name is not on the insurance. I'm responsible 18 year-old and my parents suggest that I just drive the car since putting my name with the insurance would cost a fortune extra. I just need to know if it is legal. Thanks!""
What cars are best to have for the lowest insurance?
I am 21, and I am rather sick of catching the bus everywhere lol, especially this past winter. I know my insurance is going to be high, It's also pretty hard to keep a job since many buses stop running around 9pm. My friend told me any time after May is a good time to buy a car because most people already got their refunds. I am willing to take out a loan if a new/newer car is the best to go with since I have pretty decent credit (724 Experian). If I have a car I could work and go to school more easily. What year, make, model, etc. I also want to save on gas. For the new cars, I would like the Chevy Volt, the Ford Fiesta, Honda Civic (hybrid if possible), or the toyota prius (hybrid maybe). For used, I am not sure since I don't know what year to look in, but I was looking at the Honda civic, toyota prius, and the mazda mazda6. I also don't know if foreign cars would raise the premium. I read that if you are getting a car around 10 years old, only buy honda or toyota cars. Also should I look into mechanical breakdown insurance and/or should I get a warranty for the car along with the auto insurance? How much do they cost? Thanks.""
Denied for life insurance thru employer?
Met life denied me for life insurance. Met Life sends a denial letter to my employer....Can I get fired for that...The life insurance company stated they cannot disclose any info, however, can Human Resources call me in and ask me why? It is a company life insurance...... I would think this is a privacy or Hippa Issue......Need some help..""
""NJ auto insurance (NJCURE), anyone ever have any problems with them?""
The new insurance offered to NJ (because our rates are the highest in the nation), anyone ever use them or have any problems with them? Any advice I would appreciate.""
Do I have to have car insurance in wis?
I have a car that is old, ( a VW Fox to be exact) and i was wondering if i need to have car insurance for it? i use the car for nothing more than to drive to work and back, because of the amazing gas milage, but i was woundering if im going to get into trouble if im ever pulled over and dont have insurance. I live in WIS so keep that in mind. Any help would be welcome. thx ahead of time.""
Where can I find affordable health insurance for my son who has a mental illness.?
my son has a mental illness and maxed out of my husbands policy due to his age. He works 15 hrs. a week and his employer doesn't offer insurance for part time employees. We've checked numerous policies on line and the cheapest we've found for him is $800 a month, way more than we can afford. Because he still lives at home, our income is considered as far as government paid plans. We need to find a policy for him but I'm at a dead end. Any suggestions would be very much appreciated.""
Are SUV's usually high in insurance for teens?
I've been told that I should wait a little longer before i can get a faster car, and I was just wondering whether insurance for an suv would be high, in my case, for an inexperienced driver, (16). Parents are thinking of buying an Fj cruiser and willing to give it to me when i get my liscense.""
What would be an estimate for insurance on a 2WD silverado for a 16 year old male living in California?
I recently got my license and am looking at insurances. Can someone find me a quote (or at least give me an idea) for a 16 year old male living in California. The vehicle would be a 2WD 2006 Silverado. I also have a clean record if that helps at all. Thanks!
Car insurance question?
I only renewed my car insurance 5 month back and paying a load for it. I just found I can save 30 a month. on the whole I would save even after another initial payment. Would it be a good thing to swap insurance companinies for this and can I swap.
Why not make Health Insurance mandatory like Car Insurance?
Why not make Health Insurance mandatory like Car Insurance?
Car insurance for a peugeot GTI?
Ok, so I'm 18 and a girl!! i have been driving for a year. i want a peugeot 106 GTI 1.6 16v. i have seen one for about 2000 in good condition, BUT because of my age, I'm struggling to get insurance. does any one no of a good site where i can get a reasonable quote. thank u!!!""
Lawyer or insurance broker?
Lawyer - job offer, 35 000 as a trainee, but 6/7 months in advance doing course for it earning nothing...so pro rated less - after 2 years goes up to 70 000. It involves researching, managing documents, photocopying, proof-reading, filing in and submitting forms and paperwork, dealing with clients, managing their expectations. 9:30-8pm job. Insurance broker for a very big firm - job offer, 30 000 straight away pretty much, will go to about 50 000 after two years. Involves speaking to people over the phone negotiating risk on insurance products pertaining to companies, war, politics etc. Liasing with underwriters. Trying to get the best deal for clients. Less intellectual, more numerical, more oral than written communication. 9-7 job.""
Can u guys suggest me a best insurance company?
Dear frnds i m intending to sell jewellery at ebay and i wanna insured items before shipping it to customers can u guys suggees me a good insurance company.i want item to be insured until it reaches to customers hand.
Please help about car insurance?
I'm about to get my license when I turn 18. So I was wondering how much would car insurance be for an old car that's already paid off?
Is there a health insurance company in los angeles california thats free or cheap?
I dont have enough money to afford regular health insurance any suggestions?
Driving Someone Else's Car...Do I need Insurance?
Okay lets say that I have my license but I don't have car. If I have a friend or a family that lets me drive their car and I get into accident...who's fault would it be? Mines or the owner's? And If I do drive someone else's car..do I need insurance to pay for the owner's car if I accidentally damage their car? Or no?
How much will insurance be for a 16 year old ?!?!?!?
Hello, please answer my question without sarcasm. ok so im 16 and 7 month, just got my license live in New york city, i will be getting a nissan maxima 97-98 a 100% when i can , can someone please tell me the estimate price that it will cost me to get it at 16, or if i wait till 17 even cause my parents say that no way in hell they can add me or let me use a car with their names =[ i have a job and am very dependent on myself , I also have a very high average if that will make insurance cheaper. Please tell me what you think and price ranges per year, and dont show me those websites that i have to fill info in to get a report of price range as i tried a lot and they support me with info at all. thanks!!!""
Do I need a license for a 150 cc scooter in Indiana?
Do I need a license for a 150 cc scooter in Indiana?
Does the cost of insuring a car go down when you turn 18?
is it worth waiting a couple of months to my eighteenth birthday to get cheaper car insurance? thanks guys!
Difference between term life insurance and permanent policies?
My insurance company is offering a term conversion credit if I switch to permanent insurance. What's in it for them, and what is permanent insurance? Whole life? Any benefits for me to change?""
Isn't the expected value of health insurance for a healthy purpose going to be highly negative?
And so, it might be unwise for a healthy person to purchase health insurance on the individual open market? First, we have the insurance companies as a profit-taking industry. They exist to make money. So obviously they take in more premiums than they pay out for medical expenses. Right off the bat, we have a negative expected value for the buyers of health insurance. In other words, you should expect that the premiums you pay to the health insurance company will be more than the benefits you get back, on average. But on top of that, for a HEALTHY person, the difference would be even greater. Since your risk is grouped together with the risk of more unhealthy people (obese, smokers, etc), you're basically subsidizing their insurance. So the difference between your premiums and the expected benefits you get back is even more. It seems like a very fit, health-conscious person is really taking it on the chin by buying health insurance in the individual market. Maybe they'd often be better off by just building up a health savings account and self-insuring?""
Keep insurance if I am selling the car?
I am selling a car that I still have financed. Do I still have to have insurance (full coverage) if I'm selling it and I'm not driving it at all? Ohio Law plz
How much does your teen's (19 y.o.) car insurance cost?
My dad's been footing the bill for my car insurance the past few years. Now that I've been driving for a while and got an internship, he wants me to pay. I'm not complaining, but I'm just want to compare how much you pay for your insurance (if you're a teen) or how much you pay for your teen. Also, I've not been involved in any accidents at all.. and no tickets as well, including parking tickets. For three vehicles and a travel trailer, my portion of the insurance is about 55% of the entire bill with a brand new car on the list.""
Motorcycle insurance?
I just bought a new 2013 triumph thruxton and I was wondering how much insurance would cost me I got a quote from progressive and it ended up being 3744 every six months can anyone shed some light on why its so expensive by the way I'm 18 and I paid the bike in full no loans it's paid for completely
Insurance claims car was stolen but police report doesn't?
my car was hit about 5 months ago and the police report was filed. i received my copy of the police report and it doesn't state the car was stolen. now my insurance company is claiming, 5 months later, that the car that hit me was stolen. can this happen? how do i know the insurance company isn't making this up so that they wont pay me back for my deductible? thanks!""
Car insurance questions!?!!? HELP! accident!?
Also the police came, but he didn't take any report. he just asked if everyone was ok and left since mine was the 6th accident on the same freeway.. so he was on a rush to go to one few miles in ahead of me.. i did file an accident report with dmv though.. and in that when it asked about injury i said none since they just drove off and said no when i asked them
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-do-women-get-cheaper-car-insurance-thats-stupid-totally-walsh/"
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1-100 of the cute questions
Its 3am, why not
1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more cereal
2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? YES
3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? post it notes
4: how do you take your coffee/tea? my coffee has one sugar and a fUCK TON of french vanilla creamer
5: are you self-conscious of your smile? yea
6: do you keep plants? no, I’d like to but they’d probs die
7: do you name your plants? I would
8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? drawing
9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? yea
10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? stomach
11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? target?
12: what’s your favorite planet? Saturn
13: what’s something that made you smile today? The Get Down
14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? its messy because we both refuse to clean until I eventually give in, dog hair everywhere
15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! Space is always quiet because there is no atmosphere for sound waves to travel through
16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? chicken fettuccine alfredo
17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? dont wanna dye my hair
18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. i cant remember any
19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? i have a dream journal, now my dreams get more vivid and strange
20: what’s your favorite eye color? green
21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. I have a red bag i take everywhere
22: are you a morning person? yea
23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? nothing
24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? no, trust issues to the mAX
25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? a school
26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?
27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? fruit
28: sunrise or sunset? sunrise
29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? one of my friends always invites me when they all go out even though she knows i’ll probs say no
30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yes
31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I loVE socks!! colorful socks and prints im LOVE SOCKS
32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. we were outside on the patio and laughing but i cant remember why
33: what’s your fave pastry? cream puffs
34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? its a stuffed zebra named Stripes, i still have him
35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? YES
36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? mindless self indulgence
37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? clean but its always messy
38: tell us about your pet peeves! I hate when people touch me when I tell them not to and when people yell at me
39: what color do you wear the most? black
40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? i have a choker with a heart in the middle that my girlfriend gave me and I love it
41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? im reading the ranger’s apprentice again and its beAUTIFUL
42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! dont have one
43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? my great grandpa
44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? um never?
45: do you trust your instincts a lot? no
46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. im a frayed knot
47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? corn
48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? the dark, im still scared of it
49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? i like buying CDs, the last one i bought was Departure by Journey
50: what’s an odd thing you collect? i dont collect anything
51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? Natural High by Bloodstone makes me think of my dad
52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? what in tarnation
53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? ive seen all of these but pulp fiction, and i loVE THEM
54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? im not sure
55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? idk
56: what are some things you find endearing in people? when people look at you so you know you’re being listened to when you feel like nobody is
57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? i feel tired, and yes i sang along
58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? gerritt is the wine mom and vivica is the vodka aunt
59: what’s your favorite myth? the one about persephone
60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? i like poetry but i dont have favorites
61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? im not sure
62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? no
63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? leave them be
64: what color is the sky where you are right now? black
65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? yes
66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? made entirely out of babys breath
67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? sleepy and calm
68: what’s winter like where you live? rainy
69: what are your favorite board games? candyland
70: have you ever used a ouija board? no
71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? all berry teas are gOOD
72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? i need to note everything down, but i forget to
73: what are some of your worst habits? picking my skin, biting my nails, tearing the skin on my lips
74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. always excited to see me. makes sure im ok. asks about how im doing. encourages me to continue painting. listens to me when i need to talk
75: tell us about your pets! i have a fish, he is big and beautiful
76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? sleeping
77: pink or yellow lemonade? pink
78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? neutralclub
79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? when my girlfriend sends me cute messages when im asleep or randomly during the day
80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? beigeish white, i did not pick the color
81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. im not sure what this means, they are big eyes
82: are/were you good in school? im trying
83: what’s some of your favorite album art? Graduation by Kanye West and Tighter by Mindless Self Indulgence
84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? Im not sure what i want but i want a tattoo on my thigh
85: do you read comics? what are your faves? yES! i really like Gotham Academy rn
86: do you like concept albums? which ones? im not sure what that is
87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? loRD OF THE RINGS TRILOGY
88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? not really
89: are you close to your parents? my mom
90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. San Francisco is pretty and I always want to be there
91: where do you plan on traveling this year? No where yet
92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? dROWN THE PASTA
93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? The way it looks when i wake up
94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? my friend
95: what are your plans for this weekend? Im not sure yet
96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? procrastinate them
97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? INFP, gemini, hufflepuff
98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? the day you catch me hiking is the day i die
99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. Don’t Recall by KARD, Such Small Hands and Nobody Not Even The Rain by La Dispute, Always by Rap Monster and Lullabies by All Time Low
100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 years to future to bring me closer to death
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Life After Snowpiercer: End of the Line
Summery- Matts Alive! Curtis is given a choice, learns the truth about the kids, You are attacked, and also still alive! Some non con implied, but all mild.
Word Count- 5806
Chapter 4 / Masterlist
Curtis just shook his head in disbelief at the man before him, certainly grown up from the eleven year old boy he knew, but somethings never change. His eyes, Your eyes looking back at him, but they held a bit of coldness in them that yours didnt. “H-ow? What is going on. They TOOK you Matt.”Although Curtis always assured you to hold out hope Matt was alive, he knew the likelihood was not good, but he could have hope to keep you from feeling hopeless. Then after you had healed, accepted that it was a possibility, you still had the nightmares, crying in the dark for your brother, Curtis waking to your sobs and cradling you in close to protect you... of course he couldnt let you suffer like that. But here Matt was, alive.
“Yea, Wilford saved me Curtis from a life of shit. You all did this to yourselves back there. Always plotting and scheming to take control of what isnt fucken yours.” Matt looked his nose down at Curtis, glancing away at Claude and smiling fondly at her. “She knew that I wasnt like that, did you sweetheart?” He caressed the womans face and leaned down to peck her lips. “Nams still alive out there, can you watch over him and his daughter till were finished in here.” She complied with a soft nod, leaving the three men alone.
Wilford cleared his throat. “Oh trust me Curtis, Matt took a while to understand what the truth was. But he came around, didnt you son?” Smiling almost loving at Matt. “He understands what the train needs from him, and Im an old man now, I wont be here forever. You and Matt working together, well this train is my legacy and will continue on forever. With some help of course.” He moved to open a cupboard and Timmy crawled out, Curtis eyes widening at this next shock. Timmy to was alive! The boy just ignored Curtis though and proceeded to go up the stairs, and enter in a car.
“Timmy? What are you doing, get back here?!” Curtis called to the boy, but he merely buckled himself in and whoosh, he was gone. Curtis turned to look at Wilford and Matt “Where the fuck did he go?!”
“Into the engine of course, it builds up crud, and kids like Timmy, they clear it out, also run some of the gears that need help. Reason we need all those kids from the tail end is although the train is self sustaining, the parts wear out. Many have gone extinct, and we have no way to replace them anymore. We ran out of metal for workers to mold. So we need someone who can fit into tight spaces. Gotta be about 4 or 5, you tail enders are always so scrawny. When they outsize, we replace them.”
Jesus fucking christ... how many kids have they taken over the years? At least over 2 dozen. Oh Curtis.... He could hear your sorrow now, it broke your voice, picture the tears streaming down your face as you mourned for all those babies you all lost in the tale end. Curtis growled out “What happens once they age out?”
Matt rolled his shoulders nonchalant like “Well if someone here wants one, they can just take them as there own, or if no one else can use them in there service, we execute them. Originally we were just gonna bring them back, but hell over crowding has started becoming an issue. You all really need to learn more creative fucking methods. What was the term you used the other day Wilford? ‘Like a bunch of god damn rabbits back there?” He chuckled at his attempt of wit.
What the fuck did they do to you Matt?!
They have no idea, thought Curtis, all the people they broke taking the children. The parents weve found that died because it broke there heart, shattered there will to live. How many women in the tail end lived in FEAR, not at the dangers of child birth, but that they might lose there children and can not stop it. How many times you confessed to him that you just couldnt get pregnant, it was just to dangerous to bring a life into all this, although he knew that you want nothing more then to be a mom one day. They had no idea they caused all that pain.
Curtis, they fully know. They just dont care. Your voice flat, the truth.
Wilford shook his head, chuckling “Now now, we need them more now then ever. As I said before, the front end and tail end work together. We provide them with shelter, food and safety, they provide us with necessary replacement train parts and the occasional entertainment of cleaning up the excess baggage the train carries. Already were running smoother then before thanks to The Great Curtis Revolution.” That fucker is was still trying to make that a thing, Curtis could already see you rolling your eyes.
Matt cheerfully turned back towards Curtis. “And I heard that Y/N will be coming up to the front, since you two seem to be an item now. I say Curtis you will have more options now then just her if you want. Im sure after all this time your getting bored of her. Although I cant say Im surprised about you two, she always followed you since she met you like a little whimpering puppy. How is she anyways? I haven't thought about her in a while till Wilford brought you up. I suspect shes well.”
Curtis brows came together in anger at the mans words, at everything. That was his sister and he talked about her as if she was just a item Curtis happened to have possession of. “You havent thought about her? Your fucken kidding right? That woman constantly thinks about you, every damn day. Everything she does for others in the tail end is in your memory Matt. Even after all these years she has nightmares about how she couldnt save you, She thinks you will hate her because she cant get to you. And you havent thought about her this whole time?!” Curtis started laughing, shaking his head at all of it. Anger just making him snap at this point. “I cant believe im having this conversation with you of all people Matt. Fuck my life, they brainwashed you man. Everything about this.” Curtis waved his hand around and looked back at Matt, the laughter having died, now it was just cold facts he was raging out. “All this, its maybe more messed up then us starving and eating people, we were just trying to survive. You all think your some kind of gods for supposedly saving us and were a fucking game, you cant see why its so fucked up though, can you?!.”
Matt looked appalled over the outburst and Wilford spoke up “God Curtis your so over dramatic, cant you loosen up? Your acting like the fate of the world rests on you. Trust me, you have no control over that, and sounds like a good thing. I doubt you could handle that pressure. Look at you, so tightly wound.” Wilford made a motion like he had gone stiff, shaking.
Matt snorted in anger at the situation. “You act like you all werent happy for me, that it was my fault I earned my place by Wilfords side.” he basically spat out this next line. “That I should even care about what happened to either of you. That I deserved to be in that same shit hole as you? Wilford you really cant be serious about having Curtis be our Minister. He still lives in the old world view, has yet to embrace new world values. We are FUCKING GODS Curtis, make no mistake. Our word is the law on this train. People like my sister, all this for the people bullshit yall preached back there all the time, have no real place here. You both will get it soon enough.”
This was the final straw, Curtis couldnt, he just couldnt deal with the vile they were spewing, the lives they themselves sacrificed to try to kill him, and it was all a game to them, let alone the friends Curtis dragged into danger to get him here. With a twist, he tackled Wilford first, he had a pistol in his robes, it made sense. His right hand reared back and he caught the man unaware. When Curtis fist impacted, Wilfords head snapped back with a gush of blood exploding from his mouth and nose, those iced blue eyes rolled back and yes, it was that easy to just knock his senses askew.
Matt on the other hand had the upper hand, and he tried locking Curtis arms to his side, but a quick whip with his head backwards cracked against Mats face, and he howled out in anger and pain, releasing his hold against Curtis and cupping his face. “Your Fucker! You son of a bitch, I will kill you!” he screamed out. Clearly Matt forgot anything he learned in the tail end, cause he didnt even prepare for Curtis kick of his heavy treaded boots, hitting squarely in the chest and threw him back into the kitchenette.
Reaching wildly, Matt was able to grasp hold of a butcher knife from a black, slashing it so completely out of sync, that as Curtis ascended on him, he ducked backwards quickly when it wildly arched to him and his hand grabbed Mats wrist, twisting and crushing it in his single hand as he drew in close to the man, his hand grabbing his other hand to keep him from hitting him. “I would like to see you try, I came up here expecting alot more then over privileged cum stains like yourselves. Your finished.” He twisted Matts wrist further till he heard a snap, the knife clashing to the metal floor. Matt howled, not one of those cries out of pain, no this was a howl that almost sounded animalistic, he wrung his hand out of Curtis grasp and cradled it to his chest. Wasting no more time, Curtis ended up bashing his head into the overhead cupboards till he felt him go limp, releasing him to the floor. “Y/N, your brothers a fucking dick...” he muttered to himself.
One last issue to really take care of, Claude, she was out there guarding Yona and Nam. He heard her voice from outside of the gate, and going up behind it, he waited till he could see her yellow arm stretch beyond the gate, gun pointing inwards “Mat? answer me hon” and at that moment, Curtis pushed the door as hard as possible, crushing her into the door frame. She yelped out in pain and Curtis reached around to fist his hand in her hair and drag her into the room, kicking at her hand until it knocked the gun out. “Yona get in here now.” Claude hissed as she twisted and turned to get loose from Curtis and he gave her a vigorous shake to stun her, her hands trying to tug his loose from her scalp. “Your dead buddy, wait till Matt finds out you even touched me with your filthy paws.”
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“I dont think hes doing much for a while sweetheart” Curtis promised her when Yona appeared in the room, wrinkling her nose at the scene before her. “We thought they would have killed you Curtis” She said softly while Nam followed along behind, sluggish. His face was pale and the rag he had pressed in his chest was soaked, still dripping big heavy drops of blood, gravity making a steady drip drip drip echo softly in this metal dungeon. “Not yet, they had other ideas apparently. Yona, can you sense where Timmy is? He went into the engine and we got to pull him out.” She had displayed hints of Clairvoyance throughout there journey, and she nodded, turning away to start searching. Claude chose this moment to start up again, smacking Curtis right in his gut and groin causing him to cuss out and tighten his grip in her hair to keep from releasing her.
“Fucken bitch” he hissed and having had enough of her, he knocked her upside the head, her screaming the whole time till she to went silent as her partners, she to was simply dropped to the floor with a thump. Still trying to catch his air once again, the ache going dull easy to ignore. Dont underestimate them Curtis a familiar whispered voice came to him, taking quick glances at the other two. He went to check Wilford, collecting his pistol still in his robe, and hobbled over to where Claude lost hers near the door. Handing one off to Nam, he spoke softly to him, to keep Yona from breaking concentration. “Are you okay?”
“Yea im fine.” The man grunted in his language, loosely translated by the box hanging off his neck. Just then he coughed and spat a wad of blood. It was clear he wasnt fine, just from the way he was wheezing, Curtis guessed at this point his lungs were filling with fluid. He had heard it before with others in the tail end. No one here was trained to drain it either, sure now that anyone who could was probably dead. He gave Nam a knowing look and the man cast a downwards glance. “Dont tell Yona, not yet.”
It was then Yona sprawled to the floor, clawing to pry up a tile “Curtis, hes here! Hes right under the tile.” her fingers scrambled against the smooth tile, and Curtis grabbed the abandoned butcher knife, wedging the tip into a crack, pushing till it popped open. What they opened was unlike anything Curtis had seen before. The small boy was squatting among the gears, digging his hands into chunks of oily gunk and digging it out, flinching every now and then when a piece of metal gear would cut shallowly into him, his arms were covered in bloody shallow knicks. Robotic like motions, he plunged his hand into the gunk and scooped out a handful. “Timmy! Timmy look up!” The little boy looked up, but it wasnt like he was seeing Curtis, more like through him. Curtis whats wrong with him? “Timmy you gotta get out of there, can you go back out?” I dont know Baby, I dont know what they done to him.
The boy just ignored him, his sightless gaze going back to the task at hand, and it was then Wilford made his presence known with a heavy groan, pushing himself up to a sit, swiping at his face. “Maybe I made a mistake with you Curtis... “ His gaze bleary as he sought out Curtis and Yona kneeling over the hole. “You just dont get what were doing here, cant see the bigger picture.” He moved to get up and Nam came between them, wheezing worst then before but ready to defend them. They were running out of time and Curtis knew it. A glance at his hand was the resolve he needed. I mean, it was the sacrifice he originally was going to make in a sense anyways. And into the gears his arm shot, stopping everything in its tracks, almost immediantly the gears all locked up, the train shuddered and wobbled unsteady.
Nam was blocking Wilford from ascending, but was struggling, surprise the gun had no fucking bullets in it, Yona reached in the gaps and stretched to reach for Timmy, who still seemed oblivious to what was going on above them. “Please Timmy, take my hand.” She turned her head to the side and stretched further, facing Matt whom now was starting to groan as well, Yona started to panic “Curtis, fuck hes waking up!” Panting through the pain of his arm getting crushed in the gears, he glanced to see Matt roll to his back, covering his face with a series of curses. Curtis, get my baby out of there, please! This time it was Tonyas voice yelling at him to save her child. Pushing Yona back with his free hand, he shot it into the one slot Timmy might fit through and grasped the boys skinny arm, hauling him up and pushing him to Yona who wrapped him up in her arms and started to pull back.
Matts foot connected squarely with Cutis jaw, wrenching his arm out of the gears, half skinning it in the process, his whole body flinging backwards. The enraged man landed on Curtis, trying to choke him out with his single hand, his broke wrist still cradling against his chest. Even with both short the use of an arm, Curtis was able to overpower him, pushing him to sprawl backwards. In there scuffle, the gun Curtis had tucked away in his jacket fell out and in both of there lunge to retrieve it, they scuffled it across the floor to land in the open hole. Matts eyes widened a bit “Oh shit!” It took a second for Curtis to understand what the issue was, yes that gun was loaded and it was currently twisting into the gears, making the entire train shudder, then a ping ping ping!
The pressure had set off the bullets in the weapon, and all around them steam shot out of the pipes. Everyone stopped what they were doing, looking around with fear at the reaction, and there was another mighty shudder. “Its gonna go off the tracks, good job fuckers!” Wilford hissed out in a panicked rage. Another shudder and the nose of the train must have hit something, an ice block on the tracks Baby your voice sounding scared in his confused mind, cause it jerked upwards, loosing traction on the track, without the wheels working in tandem to keep the forward momentum. It scrambled everyone, slamming them to the left side, Curtis skidded on his backside, crashing into Matt, who slammed into the kitchenette cabinets. The kids they went flying backwards towards the half opened gate, falling into the car just behind, Wilford and Nam entangled together smashed into the bolted down kitchen table. Claude, she screamed in fear at just waking up to everyone being whipped around spinning backwards across the floor. The engine started to tip to its side. The side of the Engine suddenly was ripped away with a screech of metal and sparks, having hit cliff side rocks. Wilford and Nam got sucked out of the giant hole, and thats when Curtis went black, something falling and smashing him in the skull.
During this time, in the tail end, James was dragging you back down the aisle, your body bouncing against random bunks and junk scattered around from where they had torn everything apart. Finally he tossed you to sprawl on the ground and fell on your stomach, bouncing enough to knock the air out of you. “I thought we already talked about this hunny, just be a good girl and spread them. Not that I dont like it when you all fight a bit.” Thinking he had subdued you, he pulled back to hike up your coat and shirts to what he claimed as his prize. .
Taking a chance you twist and shoot a foot out to hit him in his chest to topple backwards and start to crawl away, but a large hand encircled your ankle and jerk you to fall on your belly with a omph! Panicked, your hands shoot out under a bunk to see if theres anything to hold onto. Your hand closes around a small shard, fitting in the palm. You snatch it as he keeps dragging you back, flipping you to your back with a smirk.
Calm down Y/N, wait for the right opportunity. Of course it was Curtis calm voice, the one he used when he was bringing you back from a panic attack. You take a deep breath, and change tactics on James, stopping trying to fight, you hold up a hand in surrender. “Please, I give! What do you want?” James hand fisted in your mess of hair, tipping your head back till your throat was exposed. Dragging his tongue over you, you fight back a wave of bile burning your throat at the feeling of the man all over you. “well what do you think sweetheart, I want your sweet pussy gripping the best dick you ever had and begging for more.” God how the fuck do you not gag at that. Concentrate Baby. Praise how good he is. you shudder in the mans grip as he starts to palm a bruised breast, twisting it painfully like before. Do I really have to Curtis?
Trust me Babygirl
“You made me feel so damn good last time, and I was so ungrateful.” trying to make your voice husky with false lust and looking up at him wide eyed. Reaching up you cup James face and bite your lip, giving it your all. “But how about this time you let me make you feel good? A thank you.” Leaning up your brush your lips against his, really putting your all into drawing him into the kiss. Fucker fell for it, and he got caught up in what you were doing with your tongue, where your hands were running all over him, palming his crotch through his pants. “Biggest ive ever had” Cant believe Im saying this. God I hate you bastards. You were fighting everything in you to not start crying in disgust. Finally when he was panting against your lips, you push him hard enough to make him roll, his hands grasping your hips to have you follow, and now.... now you fucking dick head, I have you right where I want you, you think triumphant when you straddle his stomach.
That you do baby, you know what to do next. Curtis hissed in your mind. Dont hesitate, hard and quick.
Arching up, you smile so sweetly at James looking up at you hazily. “God I knew you were a good fuck, but this is even better then I thought it could be.Tell me im the best, better then whatever his name was.” Tracing his chest, and winking at him to respond. “Oh baby, Curtis was nothing like you.” And with a quick twist of your wrist, you shove that shard of metal in his eye, pressing down hard and quick with your palm as you could. You literally felt it pop, and the warmth of blood shoot against your palm. “Hes every fucking thing a man should be!” Smashing your hand against the next vulnerable part of him, his nose, he bucks in pain underneath you, shooting you off. Tumbling, you scramble up and start running towards the back as James is screeching, dodging the unsuspecting hands of other guards reaching out of the bunks they were laying in, some of them following James choices and there captives started to fight back in the confusion you caused. “GET THAT WHORE!” James screeching, his hand covering his eye as he struggled up, red gore oozing between his fingers.
You were looking for anyplace to hide when thrown off your feet violently.
It wasnt another person, the train started rattling on its tracks and screeching, fishtailing back and forth. One violent turn and you were flung into the bars of a bunk, screaming out as pain blossomed white hot through your spine, tumbling now. Bottom was above you, crashing onto what should have been the roof of the train, items pelting you, bouncing off and crushing you. Your cries of shock and pain turning ragged when it all rolled once more, going right side up, the kids and other survivors going through a similar experience, whipping around and around as it kept rolling and bouncing. The back end of the train had gone off the side of a cliff and falling into a valley under the tracks. everyone whipped around and around, till it crashed to a stand still.
Groaning you push up under a bunch of random debris, and try to focus. Leaning over and puking from the dizziness, you push away from the mess and look around at other passengers and guards pushing themselves out of the mess, somewhere bright light was streaming in. Fuck fuck fuck fuck, you have to figure out how to get one of there guns before they take control again. Pushing up, you stumble around people, some of them eerily still, twisted bodies and blank stares. Not all survived. Relief flooded you as you saw more and more kids scrambling to your side. “Quick, find anything we can use as a weapon.” urging them with a hushed voice, they scattered to fulfill your request. Coming across a dead guard, your quick to strip him off anything valuables. Shouldering a rifle over your shoulder, more children and some of the women came back, fight in the adults eyes, most of the kids holding something they could use.
“Hey, Yall get yer asses back here!” some fucker drawled heavy accented, and a look over your shoulder saw that they had rejoined ranks. “Quick, get out that hole!” You urge your group, scrambling back the opposite way where the light was, bullets whizzed at you, ducking just in time, it clipped a woman next to you, fuck it was the woman who helped you before, Sara. Sara cried out grabbing her shoulder. Grabbing her waist, you tug her to follow along and aim the automatic rifle in your hand, just randomly shooting behind you as she climbed up to fall out of the hole with a yelp. No one followed you as you to scrambled out, maybe for once luck was on your side, there seemed to be alot less of them then there was of you survivors.
Crashing rather ungracefully over the edge of the train car, you land in the snow, and blinded you try looking around, drawing in for the first time in 18 years, fresh air. It burned your lungs,the intense cold and just that it was so god damn clean. Looking around your surrounded by cliffs, and as your eyes go into focus you can see where you all went over the edge, snow still rolling down, and scattered around you was a few more cars, above one hung precariously over the edge. Fuck, how did you all survive that? “Y/N, what do we do?” What do you do? What would Curtis do? You all had never discussed being on the outside. “We have to get away from here, they will be coming out any second after us.” Everyone shivered around you, wrapping arms around themselves. The entire group surrounding you wouldnt make it for long without shelter and heat.
“Curtis” You voice was soft, he missed that.
“Hey baby” He looked over his shoulder and smiled.
“Curtis” You looked lost to him, confused.
“Im right here Babes” He held out an hand to reach for you.
“CURTIS” Why wouldnt you take his hand?
”Babygirl, whats wrong?” Striding over to reach for You, his brows coming together in confusion.
“CURTIS!” Fear and Panic etched all over you
He sat straight up with a gasp, Yona falling back from where she had been leaning over him, her face a look of fear and shock, tears tracking down her face. “What the fuck happened?!” Curtis cussed as he wildly looked around, Timmy was rocking on his heels next to Curtis, and he reached over to touch the boy, make sure he was real. “Yona... wheres Nam?” The girl shook her head, and straightened from where he knocked her over.
“Wilford and Dad are not here. That guy and girl are, over there.” She pointed among the mess. “But they wont wake up, I checked.” Curtis moved to get up, wincing. There was something broken, just ribs hopefully. He wouldnt be taking deep breaths anytime soon. And then his gaze went to his mangled hand, Okay this is more serious. Wincing as he pulled his sleeve over it to protect it, it had at least clotted enough to stop bleeding but had no idea what the real damage was yet on it. Timmy just stayed rocking nearby, Curtis debating what to do, the boy had obviously been traumatized by what had happened. But at this point, there was more pressing matters. “Yona, grab that butcher knife” Somehow they still had it.
Going to a panel, Curtis inspected it and with the knife, they managed to pry it off, and tossing the panel to the side. Ahhh, bingo, Curtis tested the wires and finding them not live wires, he started to pull and yank them out. “Cut these, a good three feet at least” He stretched it out, and Yona started slicing back and forth. Right now his first worry was Matt and Claude coming around before they could be tied up. He probably should just kill them after everything, but Curtis was just done with death. At least for now, and if You ever found out he had killed your brother, He simply couldnt. Claude, well we will see what ends up happening with that bitch. You snigger. Curtis had to hide a bit of a laugh, apparently his imagination made you a bit dark.
Yona, well he would be royally screwed without the girl, she was nimble and quick with her knots, the two of them dragging the still unconscious duo to a wall, tying them tight and far apart so they couldnt help one another, Curtis finally sighed in relief. At least for now he didnt have to worry about them at the moment. Yona again came to the rescue,having found coats in the other car, wrapping her and Timmy up.
“Theres a way out in the other car Curtis, a few are outside, just... standing around. I think they are high still.” Her own eyes bleary, it occurred to Curtis she to was coming down from the kronoles and alcohol she consumed on the trudge to the front. His voice soft “Are you okay yourself?” She twitched a bit and nodded. “Just after effects, nothing I havent felt before.” Curtis didnt like it, but he had to trust her, completely out of options. Yona took Timmys hand and together the three of them worked there way out of the Engine, and the next car, well it wasnt much better off then theres was, completely flipped over, several dead. Curtis was still questioning how they even made it out. What about the tail end? You? The anxiety of not knowing.... A deep breath was drawn in, and made him instantly regret that, fuck my ribs.
Popping his head out, rubbing at his face, he took it in. Oh God your voice echoes, and before him, stretched across the blinding whiteness of where you all ended up, was just destruction, chaos, and more death. Twisted metal cars, split open to spill out its contents to scatter across the snow, it seemed like the end wasnt to bad off the further he looked down the line, but shouldnt there be more?
Wheres the rest of the train Curtis?
Were going to go find out Y/N, Im not leaving you out there alone.
Nearby there was a small group of people, most of them were hiding in heavy fur coats, and watching them for a moment, Curtis pegged Yona to be right. These fuckers are high as a god damn kite. There were a few though, that looked more put together, and Curtis recognized one of them, his eyes narrowing. Right now he didnt have any of the typical gear on, but it was one of the men who would bring there protein bars. Wonder how many you I got to deal with? Curtis sighed, fuck he was so tired suddenly. “TImmy climb on my back” He ordered and squatted enough for the boy to wrap his arms around his neck. Going to the edge, he deemed it safe enough and jumped down, stifling a groan at the jolt in his ribs. His hand, god that was just a steady throb.
Yona inched to the edge, her feet coming over the edge, and she slid off as much as possible till she landed on Curtis shoulder, his arm wrapping around her thighs to keep her from tipping over and easing down for her to get off. As he straightened the men whom he dared guessed were some of the guards came over, they were scuffed, but not bad off as Curtis nearly was, and he braced himself for the typical aggression he knew from them, but they all held up there hands in a peace sign.
“Seriously man, were not going to do anything.” Curtis took a step back from them anyways, keeping the kids behind him. Yona peaked around him warily, studying them.
“Curtis right? weve heard of you. Listen, we have to look for survivors, this group over here is kind of useless right now, and these cars might have people trapped.” One started, another picked up.
“Front, Back.... it makes no difference now, Theres probably not enough left to make it count.”
“Right... suddenly im supposed to believe you all have a good conscious?” Curtis sure as hell wasnt going to trust them, 18 years of entrapment will do that to a man. Yona tugged on his jacket, and he spared her a look.
“Good, they will help us.” He nodded encouragment, and his gut twisted. The girl hadnt been wrong yet, but his mistrust and instinct was still was over riding that. He trusted another, and betrayed everything he believed in.
Curtis she hasnt been wrong yet, shes special.
Alright Alright, he thought, holding out his uninjured hand, he growled out. “truce for now... we wont give you any trouble. Were making our way towards the back to check on our people.” One of the guards winced.
“The back? We were coming over a bridge when the train derailled. Honestly the fact any of this is still here is shocking. Im sure the back end came off the rest of the train and went over the cliff side. A fall like that in a hunk of metal.” The man shrugged in a im sorry motion “The chances are not great anyone in those cars would survive such a fall. The tail end, its gone. Any survivors will be making there way up this way.” He looked over his shoulder and sure enough, people were slowly coming in groups. “Slim, the chances are slim, but... maybe...”
Slim, the chances were slim, but... maybe... it was all Curtis heard after he said those words.
@what-is-your-plan-today @curtisbbq @jtargaryen18 @p8tn0lish @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123
#curtis everett x reader#curtis everett#snowpiercer#chris evans#omg fresh air#they are outside!#so many die though#this one was exhausting#so much thoughts in my head
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Ali & Carly
Ali: Heyo boo Ali: thanks for Rocky wrangling with me today, you're now also his fave so, add that to your tally Carly: its k i had fun Carly: hes a cutie & cool kid Ali: me too Ali: yeah, he's alright, but cocky enough so I ain't telling him Ali: dunno where he gets that from 😏 Carly: ha Carly: yea idk Carly: no clue Ali: i'm sorry Ro was being off btw, I'm working out why but trust it wasn't you, babe Ali: been neglecting her lately, everyone wants a piece of me Ali: hard life Carly: idc its me too Carly: nobody wants a piece but you Ali: I just told you that ain't true, and Rocky is ruthless, he called one of my customers a 'big bum witch' the other day Ali: no tip for me, thanks dickhead Ali: but I want all of you regardless Ali: willing to throw hands Carly: aw Carly: this town is full of big bum witches tho Carly: my ma back for one Carly: but are you willing to use those hands for good too or Ali: awks if that was your Ma, like hey gurl, I think you rock it Ali: your daughter ain't bad either Ali: you know it, IOU 'cos we couldn't make like we were in the backrow of the cinema Carly: unless she been lying about where she at i think youve avoided meeting the in laws again Carly: k cuz you kno i need to collect soon Carly: bored Carly: just back and zoned out so fast Ali: ain't even got exciting stories from their galavanting? fucking rude Ali: at least when we go AWOL we also go wild Ali: make things happen, lads Carly: my ma's good for nothing but hairspray and peroxide Carly: only use if i get beat up again Carly: my da's good for cash tho if you wanna get wild w me Ali: or you wanna single white female me Ali: which would be a disappointing outcome to say the least Ali: can't tonight babe, I've gotta have some sister time Ali: go hard for both of us Carly: k Carly: try not to miss me bad when shes talking about me Ali: oh babe, she will not, and if she does I'll set her straight Ali: gonna let the world know you're my 😇 Carly: whatever her issue shes gotta air it and youre her sister so you gotta hear it Carly: idc shes not gonna hurt me w it Carly: and setting peeps straight is the opposite of how you do, babe Ali: true Ali: idk what issue she could have though, you're a literal ray of sunshine Ali: true again 😏 Ali: ugh, imma miss you Ali: maybe i can sneak out when she's gone to bed, the 'rents too Carly: i miss you now Carly: cant hear my parents say shit Carly: i just wanna talk to you Carly: dont tell me maybe & keep me waiting tho Ali: i will Ali: promise Carly: i dont wanna make trouble for you Carly: w anyone Carly: you can stay w her if you need to stay Ali: You won't Ali: I can do both Ali: be back before first light Ali: even if I'll miss watching the sun rise on your face 😔 Ali: we've got the night, baby Carly: but you kno if ive got you for the whole night youre gonna fall asleep Carly: thats what im good at Carly: feel free to tell your sister thats why you like me ha Carly: fun & tiring its magic Ali: hmm, we'll see who wears who out first, babe Ali: and if I am that husband, then you'll just have to wake me up with morning sex like the good little wifey you are 😘😂 Carly: always bringing that confidence i like it Carly: k but if my parents wake up too you can explain its a duty thing yea i had to like Ali: i like you Ali: for so many reasons and imma show you all of 'em tonight Ali: fuck that Ali: stay out with me, its warm enough Ali: i'll trace all the constellations out with my tongue so you won't ever forget Ali: educational Carly: my ma is asking me what im blushing about Carly: i told her what you said but she's not a believer Carly: support my education bitch Carly: ha Ali: i mean, i'd offer to let her see the benefits for herself but Ali: not gonna win me any brownie points 'cos she won't take me up on it Carly: she dont kno what she's missing but i do Carly: wish you were here Ali: me too Ali: start the party without me babe, i don't mind Carly: too late if you do Carly: gotta get through this reunion some way Ali: they aren't making you watch a slideshow, are they? Ali: fate worse than death Ali: Maybe you could go to Ronan's? Lmao, he's been up in my pussy way too much since he found out about us...didn't think we were THAT loud but ok boy Carly: yea Carly: might do cuz same Carly: but what if i miss you he can really make a night of it when he wants Ali: Nah, I won't let you face that disappointment, babe Ali: my spidey senses will tingle like not on my watch, fuckboy Carly: aw Carly: you gonna come get me? Carly: thats no way to get him out your pussy babe fyi Ali: yeah Ali: I know but I like the idea of showing you off as mine Ali: but no sharing, he only gets to watch and be mad he fucked it up Carly: i like it too Carly: youre hot when youre oneupping fuckboys Carly: i thought i knew how to do it best but k youre flipping the script Ali: as long as i'm besting them i'm doing my job right Ali: gotta keep you on-board Carly: speak of the devil Carly: how he know i was alone & horny Carly: my parents have only gone to the shops its uncanny Ali: know your neighbours but bit stalkerish, pal Ali: i'll text him to fuck off, freak him out Ali: how does she know, ha, two can play this game fucko and I'm more committed Carly: ha Carly: you gotta Carly: hes smoking im gonna bum one see what line he tries to lay on before the text sends Ali: On it Ali: gotta let him know there's a queue to court the princess now and he's at the back, soz Carly: he likes hitting it from the back he wont be put off Carly: im gonna show him some of the hot pics i took of you tho Ali: when is he ever tbf? 🐶👅💦 Carly: true Carly: that fucking cute tho aren't i Ali: you know it babe Carly: hes talking to my da now Carly: kill me Ali: how fucking dare he Ali: knowing he has the upper hand with the man bants Ali: i know how to change a tire too! love me! Carly: if my ma invites him in for tea im out of here Carly: she will think hes hot under the collar for her & bitch thats my groundwork Ali: Run baby run Ali: what kinda moron is he tho Ali: coulda had a private show if you just waited, now its all saturday night telly and flat lager Carly: you kno i have nowhere to go if you dont want me babe Carly: facts Carly: he likes me now he cant have me what a fucking Carly: like i wouldve fucked you but im not getting w you Ali: i do, is this full sos crisis mode though? 'cos i need to be good for a lil while longer yet Ali: such a typical bloke move that Ali: bet he ain't the only boy in ur inbox, not a pun Ali: 'cos he ain't in mine like 🙄 Carly: its k your sister needs you Carly: i can keep walking Carly: loads of other lads on site as well as in my inbox Carly: & they arent trying to say hi to me before we get down to it nevermind my parents Ali: 😾 Carly: why so sad blue eyed boo Ali: i don't like how lads treat you Ali: i'm not jealous, like swear to god, even though i obviously want you all to myself, i get it Ali: but i'm not about how shit they are to you, even if you don't care, they should care to be decent humans Carly: thats not lads its everyone Carly: youre the only one treating me different Carly: they dont know how else to be Carly: made my bed babe Ali: nah Ali: you don't deserve half the shit you get, that's bullshit Ali: and even the rest, people just don't wanna try to understand or be good, heaven forfend they inconvineince themselves for one second, like Carly: if im a slag im a slag i dont get to put conditions on it Carly: if it was a film maybe Carly: but theres no romance coming my way from theres and i dont want it Ali: why can't you just be you? someone who likes fucking, among other things Ali: not romance just like...not being a cunt Ali: idk Ali: pisses me off Carly: cuz you don't run the world even tho you strut it like you do and i love it Ali: not yet, babe Ali: one day, and you can be my right hand woman Carly: yea? Carly: take me w you & ill take you to all your fave places k Ali: k Ali: we'll be fun forever, I promise you Carly: gotta be Ali: you know i like you even when you ain't tho Ali: don't tell Carly: who would i Carly: ronans got enough for his wank bank & nobody else is chatting to me rn Ali: exactly, ruins the illusion and fantasy when they realise i care about you Ali: so unsexy of me Carly: youre sexy to me Carly: idc what they think Ali: good Ali: me either Carly: i like you too you kno Ali: yeah Ali: i had my suspicions Carly: i dont have any subtlety sorry about it Ali: Don't be Ali: I love it Ali: not enough people say what they mean or want, ever Carly: waste Carly: k i wasnt shouting how bad i wanted to kiss you before i did but not cuz i was bothered about me Ali: agreed Ali: sometimes you can't know you want something until you've got it Ali: i get it Carly: you get me Carly: its weird Ali: 🔮 Carly: ha Carly: k what am i thinking now Ali: wouldn't be proper to say Ali: tut tut bad girl Ali: like how you think though Carly: fuck Carly: youre good Ali: 🤷 don't mean to brag but remember that phrase you'll be screaming it later Ali: such a Ronan line, I can't 😂 Carly: but true Carly: not like when he says it Ali: 😍 Carly: what you doing w your sister Carly: gotta live through that cuz bored Ali: Fixing my weave Ali: getting into a white girl dread territory over here Ali: then gonna do some 🔮 forreal Ali: get ready for me to be even more of a know it all baby Carly: cute Carly: tell me my future i got some shit from another neighbor & im waiting for it to kick Carly: hows it gonna treat me Carly: needing a good trip Ali: we'll see who gets the answer first Ali: you got anything for me? Carly: yea Carly: they mystery but i kno you arent scared Carly: & you got me doing a test run rn lying on here on the grass Ali: 🌌 be there before it fades away my space explorer Carly: if you find me at a bad end prob dont take it Ali: is one of the lads trip sitting you Carly: so he reckons but hes drinking so theres no trust Carly: & he gave me it Carly: his game could be me lights out idk Ali: keep texting me, okay babe? Ali: if shit gets too real, tell me and I'll come early Ali: my sis is cool now, she gets what we're doing, she was just confused Carly: aw Carly: youre sweet Carly: you told her you like me Ali: 'course I did Ali: I ain't ashamed Ali: I'm proud Carly: youre gonna make me cry Ali: You're special, Carly Ali: You're gonna see Carly: I just wanna see you tho Ali: Me too Ali: I'm gonna make her some chamomile tea and then I'm coming, yeah? Carly: but thats not fair to her Carly: she's not gonna be a fan of me Ali: I've promised her more time tomorrow Ali: You need me rn Carly: but what if i want you to stay Carly: what are we gonna do then Ali: i'll stay until you're ready for me to go Carly: you mean that? Ali: yes Ali: promise, imma take care of you Carly: but theres nothing in it for you Carly: youve already got me you dont have to Ali: i wanna keep you Ali: and not just selfishly Ali: you gotta stick around, you're too cool to go anywhere, okay Carly: k Carly: im here & if you wanna be im not stopping you Ali: good Ali: i wanna be wherever you are Carly: i kept you pills back the lads didnt want me to but idc about them & you can follow me in now Ali: fuck them Ali: just me and you Carly: yea Carly: ill look after you too Ali: 😇 Ali: i know, i trust you Carly: idk if you should Carly: but i like it Ali: willing to take my chances Ali: you're worth it Carly: thats you Ali: i'm so glad i met you Carly: me too Carly: not that i met me thats weird Carly: you know what i mean Ali: i got you Ali: not high yet 😉 Carly: id seen you around before you guardian angel'd me that night Carly: thats weird too Carly: that i didnt see you how i do now Ali: it is Ali: you were always cute but Ali: idk, i can't claim to have seen this in my crystal ball Carly: thats cuz i wasnt cute i was a state Carly: & youd have more likely seen me sucking ronans dick Carly: look away babe you dont need to have that image in your mind Ali: don't need him reckoning he plays part in any of my fantasies, nah Ali: you can't not be cute, no matter how you try, soz babe Carly: you can't not be so sweet to me can you Ali: dunno Ali: not tried Carly: idk what id do if you did Carly: i got used to it Ali: got no plans to stop Ali: unless you ask me to, like Carly: thats not gonna be what i ask you to do Carly: trust me Ali: you can tell me all about it Ali: 5 minutes, tops Carly: okay
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