#so who cares if Im not having full blown manic episodes: numbness is my default setting | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

idledreams4 · 5 months ago

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At 10 I was exhausted and upset and hating myself (for no reason this time?)

And it's now almost 12, I stopped being tired like an hour and a half ago and feel fantastic, I also have a ton of energy. Except I should probably get some sleep sooner or later considering I have a con tomorrow :/

#idle speaks #this happens all the time and I brought it up to the psychiatrist and she just kinda shrugged it off #i guess it isn't clinically significant considering my “high points” are what I assume a normal person is like when happy #but my low points get bad #and there's not always a reason behind them #like I just lose all motivation for a few days and practically have to be dragged out of bed #there have been several days in the past few months where I would not have gotten out of bed if I wasn't so afraid of being punished #like I nearly missed the bus at least once because I was having a breakdown #i did not feel like I could get out of bed I had no interest in going to school I just wanted to stay where I was #but then I started thinking about how I would get in trouble and getting yelled at by my dad would only make things worse #and I kinda just kept spiraling until I realized “fuck I need to leave in 5 minutes and I CANNOT miss the bus”#so yeah... THAT is clinically significant #THAT is now impeding my avility to function #so who cares if Im not having full blown manic episodes: numbness is my default setting #queenie rambles

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