#so while i am feeling better despite the uhm snot

[airxn]

having a clear head and no aches wow wow! I'm feeling b– starts sneezing uncontrollably

[kensboytoy]

Pulled Back from the Ledge

Title: Pulled Back From The Ledge Fandom: Boku No Hero Academia Characters: Present Mic/Hizashi Yamada, Reader Ratings: Mature

Notes:

WARNING: This fic has a depiction of mental illness and a suicide attempt. It has a happy ending but this was an emotional piece I started one day when I was ready to take my own life. I wrote this as a piece for myself to heal so please keep that in mind! If you are in this state of mind, PLEASE remember that people are there for you. You are loved. 

[Read on AO3 or Keep Reading below!]

You had been living with this illness for so long that you couldn’t really remember who you were before it. It had to have been easier than this. People probably liked you more before you pushed everyone away. It was an unfortunate defense mechanism of your depression: get everyone out of your life and isolate yourself. Things would be easier when you were alone. You��d be in control of this and no one would come looking for you.

The wind softly stung your exposed arms with the coldness of the night air. Goosebumps ran along your body and you were surprised that you could feel anything with how numb you were inside. Only pinpricks for a moment before the emptiness of static filled your stomach and sunk your heart again. The moon was full as it hung above you, almost watching in anticipation of your next move.

Standing on the edge of the rooftop you came to have lunch on back when you could stand to be outside, you peered down at the empty parking lot four stories below. This height would be enough to kill you on impact. You hoped. Despite your intense need to die, you never really did plan too much ahead. You left the vagueness in the back of your mind as an array of different options left up to the day you would inevitably end your own life. There was no certain tie to this place that you needed to have your guts peeled off the pavement. No symbolic message it would hold when they found your body.

The pain was just too much. It had swallowed you whole and spit you back up a few times so that you could escape back to your mediocre life time and time again. Back to the daily grind where your emotions were ground down into ashes. You had no motivation. No spark for life. Every day was a challenge to even choose to get up instead of rolling back over to sleep. To avoid being awake was a luxury that the world wouldn’t let you have.

So, you wanted to sleep forever.

You’d like to think of it as sleep. You weren’t really sure what came after stepping off a tall building. Probably pain. That was something you desperately wanted to avoid at all costs. Easier that way to keep not feeling anything.

Except now there were tears rolling down your cheeks. Red hot as they burned your eyes trying to escape. You let them, making no move to wipe them away. It didn’t matter if they blurred your vision, your target was just a step away no matter what.

Couldn’t back down now. The voice in your head that usually kept you from the last stage of your plan was nowhere around. Not a peep from your conscience - had that given up on you too?

Frustrated, you grabbed the sides of your head to silence all the chatter, all the thousands of voices telling you that you were worthless. That you deserved everything - every ounce of pain, all the isolation. This was all you knew now. You already committed to this, no use in beating yourself up. Close your eyes and think of something nice. Maybe one vacation you always dreamt of taking but never did. Perhaps that old movie you once had on repeat when it was a comfort to you when you were younger. Anything pleasant to finish your life off with.

Your body began to step closer to the edge as you racked your brain for any semblance of comfort. The tears began to stop and yet you still could not see the world around you. Everything was a blur as you moved to take the final step, your arms falling loosely to your sides. You waited to feel the embrace of the wind taking you down to your grave like the only comforting hug you would get now.

However, your plan was shortly lived as a horribly loud shout pulled you out of your robotic movements.

“HEEEEEEEY LISTENER!” the voice shrieked, causing you to step back in shock.

You immediately covered your ears and cowered from the noise, the force of it knocking the wind from your lungs. Before you could even recover, you felt two hands grab you by the collar and pull you further away from your grave. You were placed in a firm headlock preventing you from moving, your eyes blinking back the tears to see what the hell had interrupted you.

“You sleepwalkin’ or what? Good thing you got the best alarm in the world to come wake you up!”

Confused, you looked up at the beaming figure. Holy shit. A Pro Hero?! What the hell were they doing here? You gawked as you stared at the gaudy leather outfit, enraptured by the heavy speakers he wore around his neck. His hair alone was enough to distract you from the current situation at hand, along with curious eyes now scanning your face from behind his stylish frames.

“Eh? C’mon, kid. I know I’m easy on the eyes, but you don’t gotta stare so much!” he joked with a toothy smile.

“Uhm,” you tried to speak but the movement felt like sandpaper on your lungs. Your head was still swirling as you tried your best to stop your brain from rattling around from that loud voice. Even his speaking volume was loud enough to pull you from the depths of your inner monologue.

“I know, not every day you’d get to see the face of the best DJ in the world!! It’s a very lucky thing, dear listener. You got your own private concert!”

As he continued to humbly brag about himself, he pulled you further and further away from danger. You felt his grip on you start to slack when he felt comfortable enough that you couldn’t book it off the edge anymore. Slowly, he pulled you up and dusted off your jacket, beaming down at you.

“Are you… Present Mic?” you asked dumbly, causing him to bring his hands up to pose dramatically at your realization.

“Of course, little listener! I knew my gaze would burn a fire into your soul so you’d know who I am! Kinda took a while though...”

The man pouted at the last bit, pursing his lips together so you couldn’t exactly hear what he was saying. Damn Heroes always muttering to themselves. You let out an exasperated sigh when you finally looked back up at him.

“Why… why are you here? Shouldn’t you be out there fighting villains?”

Mic looked at you carefully. You were in rough shape - hair disheveled, bags under your eyes from the sleepless nights, your lips were chapped and shriveled, and it was very clear that you were not mentally stable enough to be left alone. In short: you looked like hell twice over.

“Eh? Fighting villains, hm? I mean, it looks like you were out here doin’ just that.”

You looked puzzled at that. What on Earth was he saying? You opened your mouth to voice your confusion before he continued on.

“You were battlin’ something fierce tonight, huh? A whole gang of villains swarming around you, I bet.” He casually walked around you, kicking his legs around so that he spun every time you two made eye contact. Finally, he lowered his shades and grinned again. “So I thought you needed some back-up, kid! Can’t go fighting so many bad guys alone.”

Slowly, you began to understand. This man - no, this hero wasn’t belittling you. Wasn’t mocking you for trying to hurl yourself off the roof. The embarrassment of getting caught was starting to wash away the more he spoke to you like an equal. You weren’t a Pro Hero, nowhere close to one, but he was talking to you like you were important.

“I don’t think those bad guys were as tough as the ones you fight, Mic,” came your weak muttering.

At that, he placed a firm hand on your shoulder, giving you a reassuring squeeze. It had never hit you how badly you needed someone’s warmth until then. You felt your eyes sting with tears as the hero’s spiral eyes bore into you with such care.

“Listener, those are the worst kind of villains we face. They get up all in your frequency and jam it - sometimes it’s hard to listen to a different tune.” Gingerly, he lifted your chin so you could look at him. “It’s okay, alright? You luckily have the loudest voice in all of Japan right here ta help ya out!”

Your mask began to crack.

Whether it was just from the sheer kindness of his words or your adrenaline wearing away from your little stunt, you simply collapsed into the heaviest cry you had ever let out. The heaviness from your body felt like it had up-heaved and fallen at your feet. As your nerves shook your body while the tears overflowed, you fell to your knees and wept. You clutched the sides of your head, letting out pained cries as you let the sadness and relief run through you.

Mic had not flinched. He hadn’t been disgusted or judgmental as he watched you spill your metaphorical guts out with this cry - it was a far better option than what you had planned. The Pro Hero watched in a rare moment of silence, waiting patiently until he saw an opening. When you bent over and let the snot and tears fall onto the ground, you felt his hand firmly on your back, rubbing circles as you cried.

His warmth was nothing you could have imagined. Even with just his fingertips exposed and against you, your cold husk of a body felt the heat radiate to your core. Slowly, you stopped full on sobbing and instead made little whimpers as you tried to regain a steady breath.

That was when he enveloped you in his arms, pulling you to his chest so that you could focus on his steady heartbeat. Mic knew the importance of having any calm after the storm. You had just fought your own demons. The DJ was fully aware that you needed comfort above a lecture.

“It’s okay, kid. I gotcha now,” he managed to speak softly and yet his voice was everything. A light. Hope. “You’re safe. You’re stuck with me now, ya dig? So go ahead and let it all out.”

You took him up on that. It hit you in waves, coming just as soon as you greedily gulped for air since your nasal passages were blocked up. Your body would shake as you sobbed softly into the chest of the hero. Mic never faltered for a moment. He continued to rub at your back as he held you there. You were safe.

Eventually, after what seemed like a painful eternity, you couldn’t cry anymore. It felt like all the water from your body had escaped from your eyes. Everything was painful and rough physically, but emotionally? At least you were feeling something. Your conscience was back and berating you, filling you with a different kind of noise. The self-loathing kind of noise.

Mic must have seen the expression on your face as you winced because he had you gently get to your feet before he swung an arm over your shoulders. He gave you a toothy smile as if he were proud of you for all that embarrassing mess.

“You know what I do after a good cry, listener? Tons and tons of konbini food!” he cheered.

You looked at him skeptically for a moment. Had he just admitted that he cries too? Well, duh, he was human. Humans do have emotions, even when they graduate to being a Pro Hero.

“C’mon. Let’s pick out some stuff to binge ourselves on, yeah? I think you deserve it after that tough battle.”

You didn’t know what to say. Why was he still here? The danger of killing yourself was gone. Shouldn’t he have captured you and brought you to a hospital or something? Why was he wasting time and now wanting to get snacks?

As you pondered, he led you off the roof and down to the streets. He made sure to keep an arm on your shoulder or his hand on you at all cost. To make sure you couldn’t try anything else, you assumed. The warmth of another person had felt amazing and much needed after that. You had tried your best to regain any semblance of looking less like a wreck than you did before you entered the store. Mic saw your fussing and gently pulled an old bandana from one of his pockets.

“Here, listener. Old thing’s all beat up but it makes an okay hankie!”

Shyly, you thanked him and wiped your face to clear up all the dried tears and sweat. He waited patiently before you were ready, his grin back on his face as he shoved you inside the store. The harsh sting of the fluorescent lights hit you almost as hard as that shout had to save you. You recoiled and pressed yourself against his arm, face in his jacket as you groaned.

That was when he handed you something more special than just a beat up bandana. The triangle shades were now between his two fingers as he offered them to you gently. You were floored. That was a staple of his costume! Could you really take them-

Your stare eventually landed at his beautiful spiral eyes. Green - wait, red? - no, definitely green with a twinkling curiosity of you. He shot you a wink and gestured for you to take the sunglasses.

“U-um, are you-”

Mic tutted softly before he slipped them on you himself. He pulled away and looked at you proudly.

“Hey, hey! Not half bad, listener,” the hero complimented. “Though, I think they go with my style more, yeah? You can use ‘em in here so your eyes don’t fry.”

He squinted at the lights above you two, wrinkling his nose.

“I swear, they blast these things up to eleven when it’s as dark as night outside.” Mic laughed and shook his head, amused at the sight of you in his shades. “Anyways, listener! Snacktime! I’m quite hungry myself from my patrol earlier - I think I’m cravin’ somethin’ salty.”

You walked with him through the aisles, watching as he scooped a basket up from the front before knocking bags of chips and other salty snacks one by one into it. Amused at his penchant for salty things, you found yourself glancing at a few bags of chips yourself. You didn’t have time to look over the bags before a gloved hand reached out and added them to the basket.

“Th-that’s too many,” you whined. “You don’t-”

“Aw yeah! Drink time!” he managed to cut you off as you two approached the cooler of cute beverages.

Mic grabbed a coffee, two energy drinks, and a couple things of black tea. You wondered if that was just a daily amount of caffeine to power the overactive man or was it enough to kill a normal person? The thought made you chuckle to yourself. Present Mic watched from the corner of his eye at that small victory, his lips tugging into a grin.

You two made your selections and he swiped up a few sweets and some premade meals before he checked out with the heavy basket of junk. The cashier gawked at the sight of the hero and a seemingly average person now wearing his shades, Mic chatting him up and laying on his usual schtick of everyone being his fanclub. Eventually, everything was bagged up and you two were out the door.

“Ah, Mic,” you piped up, taking off the glasses now that you two were in the comfort of darkness. “Um, thank you. For all of this. I…”

Mic carefully took his glasses and slipped them on before he placed two bags into your hands. You looked at the contents, perplexed that it was a bunch of the premade meals he had bought.

“I know it’s gonna be hard tryin’ to get back to normal. I know I never wanted to cook for myself when I felt like crap. So those should last ya about a week. Maybe less if you wanna indulge a bit.”

You paused, staring up at him in disbelief. If you had any tears left, you knew they’d be welling up in your eyes.

“Why… why are you doing all this? You saved me from hurling myself off a building, dragged me to get snacks, let me borrow your glasses, and now this? Surely you have better things to do.”

That was when you saw Present Mic’s smile falter only for a moment before you felt the warm embrace of him again.

“Listener, I know you probably can’t hear reason over all those voices on your wavelength, but people care. I saw a person in distress tonight - someone so hurt by everything that they wanted to take their own life. You know how relieved I was that I saw you head up there tonight? I knew that buildin’ was closed. That you weren’t going up there for something fun. You looked like you were just goin’ through the motions…”

His words started to sink in. Present Mic could see it on your face that you weren’t in your right mind. If he hadn’t seen you when he did…

“You looked like you needed a friend,” he continued, his smile back on his face as he looked at you. “Sometimes, when we’re like that, we just want someone to come in and knock some sense into us. Luckily, it didn’t take much with ya! I think you really just needed some time to jam out those shitty feelings.”

You blushed, the embarrassment on your face again as you looked away. However, he caught your head gently with his fingers so he knew his words would register with you. You couldn’t toss this aside as fake sentiment if he poured his heart into them.

“Y-you’re a hero,” you blurted out. “You just wanna be friends to save me. Th-that’s all this is!”

Mic blinked in surprise. Then, a soft laugh.

“Listener, if I wanted to save you, I woulda taken you down to the hospital in that headlock earlier and dropped you off. While, yeah, I technically saved you, this ain’t what that’s solely about! I want you to save yourself. To make the biggest and hardest steps right now.”

You looked at him quizzically.

“C’mon. Let’s go to the park and eat so I can explain.”

The walk to the park was short enough distance-wise, a few minutes perhaps. What felt like it taking an eternity was the fact that your head was riddled with thoughts again. They bubbled up and consumed you. Making you think that at any moment Mic would turn against you and throw you into a psych ward so they would deal with you instead.

But that never happened. Instead, the Pro Hero hopped onto a park bench and sat on the thin edge of the backing of it. He let his thick boots rest against the actual seat before he hastily dug into the bag to fish out his chips. With one hand, he popped the bag open and watched all the chips fall into his lap.

Damnit, so much for looking cool. He laughed it off and gathered the chips into a pile so he could munch on them.

You slowly took a seat next to him and reached for a drink. All the crying had left your body parched and your body was begging for hydration. Once you popped the lid, you greedily gulped down the beverage in a matter of seconds. When you reached for another, Mic gently grabbed your hand and looked at you more sternly than you imagined the goofy hero to do.

“Hey, hey. Slower, listener. You’re gonna get wicked sick if you keep going at that pace. Actually enjoy the taste, yeah?”

You nodded and apologized around the lip of the bottle before taking a few sips instead of big gulps. Mic smiled at that and dug into his greasy guilty pleasure. Eventually, you found yourself reaching for a piece of roll cake and nibbling on it with the sweetness skyrocketing your tastebuds. Maybe it was from the lack of feeding yourself lately or maybe it was just a damn good piece of cake. Whichever it was, your eyes lit up immediately.

Eating the treat made you feel more relaxed. You let your emotions fade away to just enjoy something for once. To melt away in the layers of cake and frosting was finally a small bliss you could allow yourself. It may have sounded stupid to anyone else but to others who shared a pain similar to you, you knew anything could be a small victory against your illness.

Mic knew this too.

The man who had been claimed to be made of sunshine knew all too well what it was like to celebrate these victories. So, he urged you on with another slice while he casually consumed his coffee. You didn’t refuse it and soon enough found yourself digging into the second piece. The sweetness of the purple yam was even better than the last. A small, happy grunt left your lips as you chowed down. It felt nice to be content for once.

“Purple yam is the way to your heart, huh?” Mic laughed, the corners of his eyes crinkling with his wide smile. “I’ll remember that for next time.”

“Next time?” you said, pausing your consumption to give him another perplexed look.

“Well duh! Next time we meet up so you can give me a status report.”

You lowered your cake and frowned at him, one eyebrow raised as you looked expectantly for an explanation. Mic tossed back the rest of his drink with a satisfied ‘ah!’ and wiped his mouth on his sleeve.

“Y’know, we heroes don’t expect anything when we save people. Comes with the job and government pays us fair.” He shrugged, letting his head loll back so he could examine the stars above. “But that doesn’t mean that we just let people go scott-free. You caused quite a big stir, listener - most folks would toss you to the police or a hospital, y’know.”

Present Mic finally leaned forward so he could look at you properly.

“Friends check up on friends. This was your loud wake-up call, kid! That people care. I’m people!” He patted the front of his jacket with both hands. “My condition for letting you go back to your bed tonight and not immediately to a place with blinding bright lights an’ people jabbin’ you with all sorts of medical equipment is that you gotta make a promise. No more doin’ stupid shit!”

The bluntness surprised you. Coming from a man who had just comforted you profusely, the statement was a small slap in the face. You looked at the cake sitting idly in your lap while you processed the words.

“So. I check up on you every week, yeah? You tell me all the small steps you made - it can be anything from getting into therapy to just waking up and taking a shower when all you wanted to do was sleep for longer. Small laps are better than none, ya hear?” Mic gingerly placed a hand on your shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “This is a battle that will last your entire life, listener. I might not always be around to pull you from that ledge. So you gotta make those steps so you can be the Hero that pulls yourself away. The Hero that wakes up every morning, looks in the mirror, and yells ‘I got this!’ That’s all I want from this whole thing.”

Oh. Oh, so you could cry more at this. The last of your tears rolled down your cheeks at the pep talk this Pro Hero was giving you. He understood. He was giving you a chance. It would have been easier to just send you away somewhere instead of sitting in a park in the middle of the night, buying you meals, and just talking to you like a person. Mic was here. Someone was there for you and the monsters in your head suddenly felt a bit less terrifying.

Thin fingers brushed away the tears, kind eyes from behind the shades offering you safety. A smile, a genuine smile graced your face and, once again, you were wrapped in a tight hug. It lingered for awhile before you finally pulled away to finish your cake with the warmth and comfort resting in your soul.

“Hey, lemme see your phone real quick,” Mic interrupted as he held out his hand.

You fished in your pocket for the device and handed it over knowing that it was better not to ask questions at this point. Mic clearly was headstrong and capable of convincing you to follow along with his plan. He began to type in something and then pull away for a quick selfie. You blushed when he handed it back, the new contact put in. Lots of obnoxious emojis followed his name, of course. You rolled your eyes and laughed. Mic held up his phone and rocked it back and forth, signalling for you to text him. With a few clicks, you sent him an image of some meme of a cat with teary eyes and a bunch of hearts. You heard him snort as he saved your number to his phone.

“There. You got my number. I’ll send you some contacts I know to get started with gettin’ real help,” he beamed. “You text me when you feel like those voices are getting bad again, okay?”

A small nod.

“Thank you,” you murmured. “For all this.”

“Of course! Anything for my favorite listener!”

That made you blush again, the warmth feeling wonderful on your cheeks. You two shared a laugh and continued eating junk food to your heart’s content. Mic regaled you with a story of how he can’t eat spicy chips anymore otherwise he breathes fire. You told him about the time you believed for an entire year that onigiri were jelly donuts.

The two of you swapped stories and you felt the last of the monsters holding you back slip away into hibernation. You had a friend who was going to check up on you even if you tried to hide from the world. To pull you off that ledge when you really needed it. His loud voice was already chasing away the monsters and planting seeds of self-worth into your head. The love that radiated from the man was more powerful than any Quirk.

Present Mic was your number one hero.