#so when he calmly remarks on how mccoy et al are always making assumptions about his heart 'yet how little room there seems to be in yours' | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

anghraine · 8 hours ago

Text

One of the weirder parts of being formally tested for autism as an adult—apart from the hellscape of hours of math hell—was that they kept asking me for my conclusions or opinions about things I had very little knowledge of. These weren't basic facts you'd expect someone to pick up in the course of a standard US education, and I kept repeating that I would have to do actual research to form opinions on subjects I had no significant information about.

Obviously, "not opinionated" isn't a major problem for me when I do have a reasonable amount of information, but my eventual diagnosis specifically mentioned that I kept repeating that I would have to do more research to acquire the necessary baseline of data for forming opinions on [whatever], and that the phrasing of my various refusals tended to be identical or very similar (I didn't see any need to alter my wording when I was simply repeating the same position over and over).

*cough*

Anyway this is also about Star Trek. (Surprise.) I knew Spock would be relatable before we started the grand TOS watch, but did not expect him to be the most relatable character on television ever, and his continual refusals to deliver opinions without enough data for informed theories was actually a big part of this.

#spock definitely thinks he's just being properly vulcan and sometimes tos also thinks so #but i feel like other vulcans aren't nearly as absolutist about it in general and it's how he is as a person #in addition i'm also continually annoyed by people assuming i don't feel as authentically as they do because i'm inexpressive #yes i find it humiliating and unpleasant to lose my composure and rarely do so in front of anyone else. there is nothing wrong with that!#sorry but my emotions aren't public property. nobody is entitled to see me break down or cry or raise my voice or whatever.#but it often seems that even if you /tell/ people what you feel if you don't perform Being Upset or whatever they won't believe it's real #so when he calmly remarks on how mccoy et al are always making assumptions about his heart 'yet how little room there seems to be in yours'#it's just so cathartic. goddamn.#anyway few characters have felt simultaneously more autistic coded and repressed-gay coded in a context where neither could be stated #idk. it hits in a way that few characters do. like not just a refusal to /express/ opinions without data but to /form/ them is... yeah #character of all time #anghraine babbles #deep blogging #rare breed of attack unicorn #autism #c: i object to intellect without discipline #star peace

52 notes · View notes