#so what if i have an obsession and a want for random tragic parent figures to adopt me i'm aware that i need therapy so it's okay

[full-of-malice]

miguel o'hara & trauma

a little character analysis + my thoughts about him idk he has ptsd because i said so brief general content warnings for death, trauma, grief, suicide, and there is atsv spoilers idk if i should put warnings for that or not

miguel o'hara like all individuals with trauma, especially ptsd, has intense reactions to anything regarding his trauma. he also carries intense fear, anger, grief, and guilt, common emotions that many trauma survivors struggle with.  examples of his fear include how he fears for the destruction of the multiverse. the intense anger reactions when someone doesn't understand the weight, and the very intense anger directed at himself.  the grief that he can't seem to escape, as he's constantly shown with the heavy weight of his daughter's death on his shoulders. he is also  his guilt is what drives everything. his grief fuels him, sure, but his overwhelming guilt for his daughter's death causes him to want to make sure it will never happen ever again, at whatever cost that it takes. it's the only way to ever repay the wrong that he had done. miguel's guilt and rage are the only things that are driving him through his day to day life, since he feels he has the entire multiverse on his shoulders, and the devastating guilt of his daughter's death on his mind, leaving him in a perpetual state of exhaustion. does this excuse his actions that he made in his intense rage such as physically chasing teens? no. does it give an explanation? yes.  understanding miguel's trauma is important to understanding why and how he functions. it goes far beyond sad silly man, it leans into a moral debt and spiraling emotions that lead him to do what he does. he's constantly in an environment surrounded by what caused his trauma, which is an incredibly triggering and stressful work life. he is never given a chance to take a step back or separate himself from it. always surrounded by something that hurt him in a way that cannot be undone but his sense of moral debt and heavy guilt doesn't allow him to remove himself from the situation to give himself a break or allow himself to get the proper help that he needs while this is already an intense and struggling situation to be in mentally, miguel struggled a lot before even finding the dimension where he had a daughter, he has a very strong and intense implied prior trauma. going off of some of the world building and my slight knowledge of the comics [i'm. not a fan of the comics!miguel but simply going off of world building] there is a lot of corruption, with the top layer of the worlds being perfect areas for the wealthy, but only for the poor or lesser peoples living below the surface of the earth. this is briefly implied through the chase scene in atsv when miguel is chasing down miles.  so in this world it's already messed up. he's implied to have had a hard life. miguel had turned himself into a spider person, and often viewed himself as a monster. he couldn't come to terms with who or what he was, could never fully be okay with the fact that he wasn't human anymore. this self hatred it came to a point in the comics were he was even suicidal.  not to mention that he likely has a strange complex that comes from the borderline psychological horror of invading a person's life and not being the person that they think you are, when he replaced gabi's father in the other dimension.  all of this comes to the point where on top of already having mental health issues, he also had to death with the death of his daughter, and having that weight and guilt on his mind.  all in all he makes for a very sympathetic character who does things that are wrong and inexcusable, in a misguided attempt to do the right thing.

if you read this whole thing thanks a lot for deeming this incoherent mess of words worthy of your time i had a lot of fun writing this actually

[weirdocat83]

obsessed with your tags, talk mdzs at me pls

Uh.

1) thank you, I really just put the random thoughts I have in the tags and/or accidentally steal other people’s tags

2) some thoughts about mdzs below the cut (I have a lot of thoughts about this novel) ye ask any ye shall receive. If you want to hear my thoughts on something specific plz ask :3

• My fav characters in MDZS are Wei Wuxian and Nie Huaisang. I love how WWX can be very complicated when he wants to be and has many layers and sides to him. Like, the fandom likes to simplify his character to someone self deprecating but always smiling but he is very complex. He acknowledges his faults and has only tried to do what he deemed right at the time even if he regrets what he does in hindsight. He isn’t infallible. He literally tortured a man to death (even if it felt right to do it considering said man orchestrated a massacre and tossed him into a literal pit of suffering to die in) and was a major player in a WAR. He’s probably killed more than he can count. I feel like a lot of people forget that the main cast is a bunch of war heroes that must’ve had insane kill counts. Including LWJ. It’s quite tragic that none of them really had any good authority figures to lead them seeing as the majority of them were at most 20~30ish and cultivators usually live extremely long lives (at least, that’s my assumption) anyhow, WWX is very aware of his faults, especially post-resurrection as he did kinda fuck up when he accidentally killed JZX. He acknowledges that and makes an effort to apologize and atone. That being said, his faults don’t stop him from being confident and above all likable. Yes he can be annoying but he does know how to behave himself probably better than most (unlike what many members of the fandom like to think). He knows his position well and that it is incredibly precarious (in both lives) but still manages to fit in well enough with essentially nobility that he is good competition for the best in his generation. He is a genius and a great leader and that isn’t stressed enough. Though I think one of the small details in his character that I think gets overlooked is how he “parents” A-Yuan in the burial mounds. Because for as immature as he is when he’s burying A-Yuan in the ground, he also knows that he isn’t the only one caring for A-Yuan and therefore is allowed to be silly but when they’re out at the market and A-Yuan asks for a toy he makes the mature decision to save his money (although LWJ spoils the kid immediately after). This reflects a lot on WWX because it shows he can be very mature when he needs to be but when he doesn’t need to be he’ll happily rely on others. It also reflects on his upbringing showing he knows how important money is (in contrast to the lans who are shown on various occasions to not really think about money much) Personally I love his character because he seems like a person I’d get along with if he were real (which, the incredible writing makes his seems very realistic) meanwhile my other favorite, Nie Huaisang, I love because he is misleading. Some of my favorite fictional characters are very misleading because of the masks they put up to fool people to achieve their goals. How a character will know more than they should but not let anyone know until the moment is right. NHS is someone who is easily underestimated because he seems helpless and unintelligent. And yeah, for a majority of his life he really didn’t care to further his education or really practice cultivation but later he takes this preconceived notion that everyone has of him and uses it to his advantage so nobody suspects a thing while he plans JGY’s downfall. It’s a scarily intelligent move and I think the fact that he takes pleasure in looking at art/books really adds to the fact of how intelligent he is. Most people see his art as pointless hobbies but I think it says a lot about the qualities of his character. I think a lot of people take for granted the patience it takes to make good art or the intelligence it takes to appreciate good literature. So when NHS's older brother dies under mysterious circumstances that just so happen to help the Jins? of course he catches on! He proceeds to keep his enemy close for over a decade until he finally gets his moment of revenge. Which, to me? Props, man. plus only one person even realizes what happened. WWX. 

Some things I don’t particularly like about MDZS (some people may yell at me for this and I'm sorry but this is my opinion): 

- how weird the yi city arc felt? It feels very out of place as we go on this whole journey to learn about all these people and what happened to them but after that they are pretty much no longer relevant. I only found out later that the yi city arc was initially intended to be its own story. So that might be why.

- how certain things are just *left* and never touched on again? We hear all this stuff about baoshan sanren but we never see her or really learn much about her at all. Similarly, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji’s parents? We hear all these things about them but never learn much at all. Which is weird all things considered when you look at it. It feels like a lot of background info for not much payoff. Yes, it gives us a lot of vital information on why things played out the way they did but it doesn’t stop the feeling that there should’ve been more. Part of me appreciated it though because it gives us no more information than the characters really have. Just passing information that is common knowledge but never really looked into just like many actual people have.

- how everything ended off. So we have that whole scene at the temple and then everything just… calms down? They all go home??? It felt anticlimactic. Especially with Nie Huaisang’s character as (in the novel at least) it sets him up to be the next chief cultivator despite being just as, if not more, sneaky than Jin Guangyao. And that’s probably intentional. The chief cultivator position was likely never meant to be a position of absolute good. It’s politics. But it is a bit weird that we never really see what happens to Nie Huaisang after, post revenge and all. 

[fenrisdefender]

my HC for how Malcolm dies is completely different than the canon story we get. my HC is below, if you're curious to read it.

First of all, I never liked that Leandra's death was a random serial killer who had nothing to do with the rest of the story. Instead, my HC has an ongoing connection to the blood cult of Corypheus, which we know would have been in pursuit of Malcolm himself, as well as his offspring, for their blood.

When Marian Hawke was a child, she was as rambunctious as ever and even then too much for Leandra to handle alone. For income though, Malcolm traveled around South Ferelden as a healer, and was sometimes away for periods of time. Leandra herself was an herbalist and potions maker and Malcolm also sold her concoctions.

(That is how the two of them met and fell in love in my HC: Leandra was learning her craft - much to the chagrin of her parents, but she wanted something of a skill that went beyond boring nobility - and subsequently was paired up to work with Malcolm. And so it goes, they fell in love.)

So, it follows that when they arrive in Ferelden with nothing but what is on their backs (and in Leandra's belly), they choose to put their skills to use. In my HC, South Ferelden is more tolerant of an apostate if they provide community and services, since the Chantry seems to neglect the people there. They protect the Hawkes in exchange for healing and medicines that Malcolm and Leandra provide.

But as Malcolm travels around the countryside a couple of times a year, Leandra finds that Marian is too restless and rebellious to watch after while attending to the twins. As a result, Malcolm offers to bring Marian along with him to the other cities, towns, and villages across South Ferelden while teaching her about magic and the world.

While traveling, they end up trapped in Gwaren in a terrible snowstorm. It keeps them sheltered in the city for a time where Marian meets a curious older man who eventually reveals himself to be a mage. During the month or so they are snowed in in Gwaren, Marian Hawke becomes friends with this man - a fellow apostate such as herself.

His name is Quentin, and he seems kind to her.

Now, with a name like that I'm sure you can imagine that he is not, in fact, truly kind.

Hawke is subsequently kidnapped by Quentin, who has a faction of mages (including his wife) obsessed with a mysterious figure communicating to them from beyond the Veil. The voice told them to find the blood of a "Hawke." Figuring a child is easier to kidnap than a fully grown adult, they took Marian.

Malcolm, as any father would do, desperately searches to find Marian, of which he is eventually successful. However, in the process of trying to save his daughter from a cult of blood mages, he dies tragically. In his last moments he says goodbye to his eldest daughter, and tells her to run as fast as she can to safety.

Hawke, being a grieving child and bearing the immense burden of survivor's guilt, convinces herself that she cannot face her mother and siblings. She believes her father's death is her fault and runs away in the opposite direction from Lothering - back to Gwaren.

At this point, she is under the impression that the blood mages all died. Quentin, of course, survived and later turns up in Kirkwall for his revenge and rematch with a fully grown Marian. And so, that is the motivation behind Quentin's kidnapping and murder of Leandra. This all also ties nicely into the DLC Legacy plot.

Hawke stays a runaway on the streets of Gwaren for nearly three years, adopted by a mercenary group that teaches her what she knows later in Kirkwall (because it wouldn't come out of nowhere, would it?). When she finally goes home to Lothering, her family - Leandra, Bethany, and Carver - all think Hawke has been dead the whole time.

In my HC, the bitterness and resentment Leandra and Carver carry toward Hawke comes largely from her running away and "abandoning" her family after the death of Malcolm.

And thus starts the story of my version of Marian Hawke!

Hope you enjoyed my version of the story (is enjoyed the right word in a story of tragedy?).

[earthsickwithoutyou]

Saw III 2006 - (contains spoilers)

This review may contain spoilers.

Okie dokie, time to try and evaluate this one. UHHH. There are great strengths and some jarring weaknesses.

Strengths: As a whole, I admire Whannell's writing in raising the suspense and tension to absolute fever pitch and keeping us guessing the whole time. There's also no denying that while I'm not a fan of how over-the-top Jeff's plotline was, the story and performances tug the heartstrings.

We got more Amanda. That is my baby girl who never did anything wrong in her life and was rejected by the surrogate father figure who twisted her mentality while she was recovering from hard drugs and trauma (which HE gave her!). So sassy, so cute, Ily Amanda 🥰

Characters were deeper and easier to root for at times: I believe this is because Jeff and Lynn were both good people. That has its pros and cons, though...to be discussed soon.

Traps were genius; particularly memorable were the angel and freezing devices; the pig one was just freaking gross, and the rack was horrifying.

Leave it to Jigsaw to bring back the most cruel, unjust form of torture from Tudor England. WOW so random yet so fucking mean for no good reason. That's Jigsaw alright, check check check (he designed all of these no matter who built them and carried them out; he also designed the entire game for Jeff and Lynn).

However, still have to rank that trap as a plus for the genuine fear factor.

We got a lil bit of my boyfriend Eric Matthews back, albeit in sequences that were a bit confusing in places. But it was enough to hold me over until I continue the rewatch and get to my husband, Peter Strahm.

The SCORE was tremendous in this one. I loved the way the movie quietly brought in the "game over/main theme" music, which is totally iconic, throughout the film instead of only at the end. Every time it happens I have to bob my head and dance a lil.

WEAKNESSES: It's no secret I hate it when movies spend long, indulgent amounts of time on the suffering of children or parents who lost their children tragically. First of all, and most problematically, it's repetitive, which after a while, naturally gets monotonous, punishing on the viewer not in the fun way, and irritating.

Secondly, there is no need to repeatedly hammer home the awful loss of that young boy, especially since -- as the supposed spark that sets off the whole game -- Jigsaw could not give a fuck that this kid died. Cah-learly.

If Jigsaw had one tiny bit of empathy in him, at least there would be some redeeming factor to this plotline. I understand that it's intended to be bleak, etc. But bleak works better when it's balanced with enough reasons to make it feel earned.

Jigsaw became sort of obsessed with poor Jeff, because it was easy to project his twisted hero complex by deceitfully forcing the man through room after room of torment "to prove you can spare a life and stop living in the past."

If I were Jeff and Jigsaw made me BURN the belongings of a cherished loved one who passed, I, too would use one of the cruel implements he so helpfully supplied at the end of the film.

Asshole behavior across the board. John is perfectly happy with these results. He barely cares when Amanda dies, because he had come to see her as too unstable/unpredictable to be a trustworthy continuer of his legacy. Cuz he really loves fooling himself that most of his traps are escapable. What a LOSER.

He smiles when Jeff comes for him with the saw, despite the fact that he fucking knows this is gonna kill Lynn, who helped him and had already suffered enough, plus who he seemed to almost connect with a tiny bit. That's like besties for him. But no, off with her face! Why? Because John HAS to be right. He wants to prove that Jeff is never going to live a good life, but will, instead continue striving for foolish revenge? Well, hey, bud, maybe don't fucking torture him and his wife and mess with his already-unstable and traumatized head. He goaded Jeff into killing him so he could lie there like Saint Jigsaw with a halo going "*oh, dear, I so hoped that he was going to change.* But he chose wrong, game over, goodbye innocent bystander who won her game and should be allowed to live. My rules only matter when they are entertaining and gratifying to me and mah ego."

After forcing us to suffer agonies along with Jeff, the ending just feels like a mean punch in the face with no redeeming virtues. I also find it hard to believe Jeff made it THAT far in his completely unfair game, having mercy on all those other people (even if he was too slow to act a couple times) and then suddenly he turns his back on progressing in and getting out of the game.

He's dumb enough to listen to Saint Jigsaw telling him not to do that because others will suffer and "our lives" are in the balance, and then go through with it? Since when?? Because true facts, my mans never would have made it all the way through to his Holiness' room if he was that stupid. PLEASE.

Direction was solid, I could do without the Mtv "edgy" / yellow acid rock video vibe that randomly comes in, but on the other hand, it is also super endearing.

I'm so excited to move onto Saw IV, my fave! Peter I'm coming for you 😍

from Letterboxd - Virginia Mae https://ift.tt/NXg0wIM

[scottxlogan]

Random Thoughts

Random thoughts. As much as I am an X-Men fan I’ve been thinking lately about X-Men Apocalypse and how that film did such a HUGE disservice not only to Oscar Isaac, who in my opinion was HORRIBLY wasted in that film, which blows my mind given that he’s such a talented actor. Like seriously how could you not want to showcase him and let him run with being such an iconic villain and deliver a story for him to sink his teeth into? *sigh*, but that’s not what I’m in the mood to talk about right now. My BIGGEST complaint about that film is the characterization of Scott Summers. It’s something that’s troubled me from when I first saw the film. 

Now let me preface this by saying that I have nothing against Tye Sheridan. Before Apocalypse came out I went and saw Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse to familiarize myself with the actor because so many people were talking about how he was such a fantastic actor and how he would be PERFECT for Scott. I was skeptical, but willing to give him a chance because Scott Summers is my favorite character. Has been for a very long time. In Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse the character Tye Sheridan plays is so much like Scott that I was hyped to see him in the role until the movie finally came out and I realized that the character he was in X-Men Apocalypse aside from crushing on Jean Grey was most certainly NOT Scott Summers. (For those who want to see Tye in a Scott type character, I’d recommend the film that I mentioned above as he was more Scott there than he was in Apocalypse.) Scott is NOT a bad boy, rule breaking, smart mouth snot. I’m sorry, but that’s never been Scott. He’s not the ‘cool dude’ or Alex’s hip little brother who is edgy like Alex is in the First Class films. 

To those who don’t read the comics, I’ll just toss this out there. In the comics Alex is the younger brother and Scott literally gets brain damage saving his brother from the trauma of jumping out of the plane when their family is being attacked and their parents ‘died’. It’s such a tragic, interesting back story that leads to the ups and downs of Scott through the years with psychotic ‘father figures’ who experiment on/torture him, force him to use his powers for evil purposes until Charles saves him. The bond between Charles and Scott is one of the strongest ones in his life even if Charles has become a bit of a tyrant over time in how he manipulated Scott to do this bidding, but that’s another story for another time. Scott’s young life before the X-Men was loaded with pain and trauma where Alex was off adopted by a family and Scott was the obsession of a madman who for some reason was obsessed with the idea of breeding the perfect genetic mutant with him and Jean Grey...again another issue here lol.

That being said though Scott is shy, awkward, a lot of people have speculated autistic as well and there’s so much about Scott in his social awkwardness and his inherent self doubt/loathing as a teen that defines the man he becomes in the future. His rise from the shy, awkward kid too afraid to admit his feelings to Jean Grey or feel he was worthy of the role of leader that Charles bestows upon him to the strategic powerhouse he becomes is lost in Fox’s lame attempt to make someone that might be marketable to an audience who thinks it’s fun to see a a bratty fun cool guy who can come up with mischief. Now I love Scott. I do, but he is neither a bratty fun guy or a prankster. His sense of humor...well, really isn’t most of the time. It doesn’t fit who he is. Bobby was a prankster and a practical joker, but Scott is very serious almost to the point where he knows he’s not the popular guy that people gravitate to. He’s not the fun guy who is the life of the party, but rather he’s the guy who gets the job done and saves the day. He’s the guy with plans for his plans, etc. and he fights for his people with all that he has taking what he’s learned through the years and applying that knowledge to doing right by mutants and humans alike. 

In a lot of ways Scott’s almost like a blend of Charles and Magneto as he’s evolved into his own man. I cannot stress enough that there is so much to LOVE about this guy, who by his beginnings had what could’ve led him to be a villain as that’s the kind of backstory he had, but regardless of the struggles and angst he became a hero and a leader. His story is so inspiring and really gives the character depth which is why he’s my favorite. Fox NEVER got that.

In the first three X-Men films, they minimized Scott’s appearance to showcase Logan, but James Marsden was a fantastic casting choice (height aside). He brought so much to the character with what little was given to him to work with. His performance is always overlooked, but James expresses so much emotion without the benefit of his eyes, which is a difficult task for actors. Some popular actors who were offered the role in Apocalypse originally turned it down for that very reason of not being able to use their eyes. James more than delivers and is very underrated. Now, none of the first films will give a casual non-comic reader the full story on Scott, but I hope that those who haven’t seen the first films take the opportunity to at least look at those films and that Scott to see a glimpse of who he is and not the character with Scott’s name and his powers that doesn’t display who he is. Now I know some people liked the version in Apocalypse, but it’s so disheartening to know that those who never read a comic or saw the old films will ever understand what makes Scott so great. He’s truly the underdog that ended up saving his people and becoming one hell of a leader. The complexities of his relationships are another dynamic of what makes him great. 

There is so much to love about Scott and it makes me sad when I see so many fans who never were able to see that because Apocalypse was their first and only view of him. They were truly cheated and to this day it always makes me want to flood the blog with information and reference to Scott so people can see just how amazing he is as a character. Heck, even X-Men Origins which has a lot of problems in it did a better teen Scott than Apocalypse is so if someone wants to see a teen Scott that shows signs of who he will become, I would recommend that film as well for that alone. Like I cannot stress enough how much I hate that so many fans will never know how great he is. I literally went back and forth with a professor about how great Scott was, but with Fox not delivering it was so hard to share to only a film goer why my favorite character is so amazing since all people see is what little inaccurate crumbs that Fox gives. *rant over* Sorry it’s just sometimes I feel like letting this out because I hate how Scott gets overlooked or changed because those in charge don’t care enough to give the guy what he really deserves in a story especially in the film world. I do hope that the MCU does better. 

[yarrowleef]

AHHHH I DID IT. I FINALLY FINISHED THE SIGHT. This book has been looming over me since middle school, a constant reoccurring mountain I keep telling myself I ought to get over only to fall off again a third of the way up, and I only trudged through based on my bizarre stubborn insistence on finishing every book I start (i must break this rule eventually if I want to keep my sanity though because, unfortunately despite my early optimism, this book really really dragged for me and the problems I had at the start did not, in fact, improve much at all.

but good news!! i found an audio book finally, and sped up audio books make everything better when I’m not instantly engrossed. 

(spoilers for The Sight by David Clement-Davies obviously, if you care)

I did like a handful of things. I was surprised that I ended up more interested in Larka’s parents, Huttser and Palla, then I was in the protagonist. I found them boring stock parental figures at first and expected them to be killed off very quickly, but somehow they made it through the whole book. I think the scene where I was most invested was when they were captured by the rebel pack and were going to be forced to fight to the death--the threat being that whoever comes out the winner in the death match has to die very slowly. Whoever wins is really losing in the long-run, so if they love their partner they have to commit to killing them. Then the two have to spend a night arguing trying to convince the other to throw the match. It’s a heartbreaking setup, and in a story with such very dry and distant narration, moments that made me feel something were few and far between. The closest other I can think of perhaps being when Huttser’s sister died (though that may be more a credit to the audiobooks narrator). I probably would have felt something at Larka’s death at the very end, which was decently tragic, but I was so so tired and trying so hard to just finish the book by that point that it was hard to get into anything happening

Other then that, I don’t have a lot of positive feelings, which is a bummer

I’m not someone who is going to get too hung up on incorrect animal behavior, but for a book who constantly references animal nature and seems to have so much time dedicated to lecturing you about humans and animals alike, its a shame that the info-dumped lecture couldn’t be more....correct. But again, that’s something I can look past.

The writing style never stopped driving me crazy. There continued to be abrupt pauses for history lessons about the wolf’s myths and culture, which I already talked about in the first post isn’t a fun way to experience world building for me. But on top of that, there are CONSTANT stops so you can get a lesson on European history and the movements and culture of random European groups, who the wolves absolutely don't know or care about. 

Here is a scene where the main family is traveling, trying to avoid Morgra’s goons who are seeking to capture and probably kill them.  They’ve come close enough to eavesdrop on their pursuers conversation regarding Morgra’s future plans. There’s a lot of tension in the air because one wrong move could get them caught, and then “hey did you guys know this fun fact about ancient rome? let me tell you about the romans for two paragraphs” 

like wow that's cool David, but why are you telling me this. How is this relevant to the characters or their situation at hand? Why do you keep stopping to tell me about European kings and travelers and colonists? I mean, there’s got to be a reason. I suppose it may be about this overarching theme regarding humanity vs nature, with how the villain is obsessed with understanding humans and being one of them because humans are so mysteriously “greater” than animals, and...that somehow makes it relevant to know about the human impact on the land the wolves are walking past?? the WOLVES aren’t learning it, mind you, just the reader. Unfortunately I don’t care what the reason was, the result was a slog to get through

I also don’t love that the wolves religion is literally just....Christianity? not that its simply reminiscent of Christian tropes, but their stories are LITERALLY just bible stories but repainted with My Original Wolf God OC Blorbus instead of Adam and Eve, Jesus, and Cain and Able, etc. But also sometimes it has references to Norse or Roman gods and myths thrown in for...some reason. I don't know much about those mythology, I don't know their ties to Christianity so maybe there was a reason for that, but it’s not my thing.

The thing that gets me about this is I really ought to like something like this, in theory. I LOVE the concept of witch animals doing weird forbidden magic. Weirdo animals with black magic has been part of a personal story of mine that I’ve had since elementary school. If only this wasn’t written like a TEXT BOOK. I had a very hard time feeling invested in the characters, they rarely if ever felt “alive” to me, even when horrible tragic things were happening. The villain is a petty vengeful magical crackpot who cackles while kidnapping and killing babies, wants to become a reverse-werewolf, has a pet corvid henchman, somehow single handedly took over a massive pack of buff fighter wolves just for fun, and gushes about the ~power of hate~ and how it will always trump the futile fake power of ~love~, Morgra sounds like an anime villain. You could say that she is a cheesy collection of clichés played 100% straight, which, yeah, but most of the time I can deal with that!! it all sounds so ridiculous that at least the last thing I would expect was for it to be so DULL. But the narration is so dry and disconnected I couldn’t even let loose and get lost in the absurdity of the concept

I dislike the corvid slander. It was a lot of ���Eagles are majestic and cool, while SCAVENGERS like corvids are all UGLY AND DUMB AND USELESS and EVIL by nature because they don’t hunt for themselves!” Just a massive pet peeve of mine

Also, it’s hard not to be super uncomfortable with the book literally just....having it as a center plot point that the reason the villain is so evil is because she is infertile, and infertility is the most horrible thing that could happen to anyone because it means you are an empty souless shell rejected by nature. That is why cruel heartless Morgra will never be able to feel true love for any living thing, because she can never know what it’s like to be a mother. Like. Jesus CHRIST. I don’t have time to unpack all of that!! do i really need to??? that was SO unpleasant.

Ultimately, I really am surprised this book was(is?) so popular among middle grade/young adult crowds. It was always one of the first things on recommended lists for xenofiction, and I have to imagine its due to a sheer lack of high-magic animal fantasy stories to choose from. This did come out in 2001 after all, so I’m not surprised so many read it when they were younger. What else were they going to read? There's grand ancient myths, and spooky ghosts, and wolves with cool bird familiars, and magic visions, and again WOLVES, and all this stuff that SOUNDS so fun. But how did any kid get through this? no wonder I couldn’t do it in 8th grade. It’s certainly TRYING to be about something big and deep and magical and I want to like it for its ambition. But it’s just so dull in its execution, and so incredibly incredibly shallow to the point of parody in its black and white portrayal of good/evil and light/dark and love/hate with all the nuance of a saturday morning anime in tackling those topics (in the worst way, because at least anime is fast and bonkers while being cheesy and fake-philosophically deep, where this was so so so slow). needles to say, I don’t think I will be reading the second book. I think I am good. I don’t know if I’m interested in this authors deer series “Fire Bringer” either, if the writing style is anything like this

I think, these days, there has got to be better books about animals with magic...Surely we don't have to keep desperately accepting scraps just because the story includes wolves. Better animal magic must be out there if I could only figure out where it is hiding

[petalshields]

[ ELLIOT KNIGHT, HE/HIM, CIS MAN ]  —  [ SABER WINSLOWE ]  is a child of  [ EPIONE ]  with the power of  [ PAIN SUPPRESSION + PATHOKINESIS ] .  they were born in  [ 1993 ]  and have been in nemean lion since  [ 2008 ] .  with the change, they  [ GRADUATED FROM ]  the  [ MEDICAL ]  role which makes sense since they’re usually  [ COUNSELING + READING + TRYING TO FEEL SOMETHING ] .  if you’d like to meet them try the  [ SUN ]  building .  —  garnet / she/her / kst / 18+ / @nlupdates​

it’s garnet ya’ll already know the vibes. this long as hell but bear with me.

Saber’s pinterest is here!

BIOGRAPHY!

saber did not grow up knowing the people he called his Ma and Pa were not his biological parents. Ma and Pa lived in a red barn hidden acres deep in rural New Haven, Kentucky and they prayed every night for a child that they couldn’t seem to conceive. one night, a woman appeared with her three-year-old son in tow, explaining that his father died in a tragic accident. the winslowes welcomed him inside and the woman disappeared into thin air. it wasn’t until the boy, who told them his name was saber, was fed, bathed, and asleep that they questioned where the woman came from. unbeknownst to them, it was the goddess of recovery epione, who just lost one of her mortal lovers and decided that saber could be the answer to the winslowe couple’s prayers.

starting he was around nine-years-old, saber bounced from foster home to foster home. he was taken from his doting parents who weren’t at all neglectful nor inattentive, but a concerned doctor reported the frequency of his hospital visits and the severity of his injuries. as a rambunctious lad who was always too curious, saber collected injuries the way other kids his age might’ve collected bugs. it did not help that he appeared to have an exceedingly high pain tolerance, and he wasn’t aware that a part of his body was wounded until someone pointed it out or he fell forward because his leg was broken.

while his parents were being investigated, at around the age of twelve, saber was placed in a particularly volatile household. its chaos could be felt the moment that he stepped inside. nonetheless, saber always had the gift of being a calming presence to those around him. even at his young age, he sympathized with others and always helped those in need, but he noticed that emotions could change quickly if he touched them. he could place two fingers on someone’s pulse and the heart of a mourning person would no longer thud under his fingertips, their sorrow drying on their cheeks. saber had the same effect on his aggressive foster family, who he would touch on the shoulder, elbow, or hand to calm them down. they’d always shake him off, but their mood visibly shifted, and saber would watch them walk away from the battle they’d almost started. he couldn’t relate to such extreme displays of emotion — while he wasn’t without empathy, he did not feel deeply for himself.

emotions became a puzzle that he wanted to solve, and saber poured over books about the topic to better understand his foster family. it was his obsession and he began to absorb random facts about how the brain functioned. this led saber into reading more, curiosity becoming less physical and tactile and more intellectual, using a flashlight under his covers at night to consume more knowledge.

when saber was thirteen, going on fourteen in a few days, he was claimed by epione sending a garter snake into his box-sized front lawn. saber, who was outside at the time, bent down to examine the creature, and when he looked up, there was a woman that he’d never seen before standing with his social worker. His social worker introduced him to his mother and explained that he’d be going with them to a new place, giving him time to pack his suitcase with his things. he did as he was told, waving goodbye to his foster family. they grumbled about having one less mouth to feed.

in the car, saber couldn’t stop looking at his mother, who was so familiar yet a stranger, and it was then that his social worker told him about his godly heritage. that because he’d been claimed by his mother, he was in danger, so he had to go somewhere he could be kept safe. that somewhere was nemean lion.

saber was a little awkward at first, but he found his strides, excelling in his training. he stayed in the standard track for the first year before switching to medical. many thought that he could have been a hero because of his bravery and his inability to feel pain, but he chose to follow his passion in trying to crack the brain. he received basic medical training, but by the time he was eighteen, he remained on campus for a little bit longer to study psychology.

at nemean lion, saber became close with another boy, another demigod. saber never had a crush before and he didn’t feel the clichés. the affinity that he felt towards the other boy was chosen rather than felt — he chose to speak with him for hours, he chose to go on dates with him, and he chose to kiss him back. in addition, saber also vowed to never change the other boy’s emotions with his ability — it was nice to have something that flourished organically without manipulation on his part.

homophobia tw: saber and his boyfriend married immediately after graduation and he brought his new husband back to meet Ma and Pa. the aging couple was set in their ways, and though they tried, they did not approve of saber marrying someone so quickly. when saber asked them if they would have approved if he did the same with a woman, he found their answer in their hesitance. his husband stormed out and saber filed behind him. “why didn’t you say anything?” his husband spat at him. saber didn’t say anything in response, understanding the reason for the reproach, that perhaps he should have said something, but he also logically understood that their bigotry wasn’t his problem. he touched his husband’s cheek, absorbing the pain and anger, something he swore he’d never do to his husband. but he did, and for the remainder of their time together, he didn’t forgive himself for it.

saber and his husband had a few honeymoon years before the marriage unraveled, but saber wasn’t aware of the unraveling. he came home one night to find his husband packing his bags, claiming that he no longer felt that spark between them and he hadn’t for a while now. saber simply responded that he didn’t notice, withholding that he felt the distance between them increase but couldn’t do anything about it, didn’t know what to do. he didn’t want to use his power to fabricate contentment, even love, where there was little to none. his husband said “you never notice, because you don’t know how to care.” it was an act of caring, however, that saber let him go find whatever would make him happy. shortly after, the divorce papers were filed, and his last name legally changed back to winslowe.

saber owns his own private practice, and he services both humans and demigods. the whole point of his character is that he’s telling other people how to get their lives together while his own is a hot mess, and he can be a bit of a hypocrite. but it be like that!

WANTED CONNECTIONS!

CLIENTS: everybody needs a lil therapy

EX-HUBBY: i’ll probably put a wanted connection in for this, but if you think that your muse could have been married to Saber....i just think we could have that conversation.

SOCRATIC CIRCLE: ezra stokes and sila demir zerhouni are part of this little group, where they get together and discuss intellectual stuff over coffee. if you think your muse would be interested in joining them, let me know!

MENTEES: the mind’s just as important as the body, and i imagine saber has a lot of insight that’s useful for other medical track kids. however it doesn’t have to be restricted to just the med kids, let him be ur dad friend.

CONFIDANT: someone who saber can hit up and be like “so do you feel nothing or is it just me” u feel me??

OLD FRIENDS/LIKE SIBLINGS: saber tries to be a good person and he really values his connections, so he maintains his friendships. he definitely got his shit rocked by his husband suddenly divorcing him so he really wants to figure out how to have relationships that mean something to other people.

ANYTHING: hit my line babes

[lizacstuff]

Sen Çal Kapımı / Edser ask from episode 43 (2x04)

AKA Serkan’s episode. 

There is also speculation about episode 44 based on the fragmans and a few random asks

 (Asks under the cut)

Anonymous asked: Hey, Liza! How did you like the ep? I still get chills when watching the diary x video scene and the final one.. Finally the truth is out to both Serkan and Kiraz! And that fragman! 😍 but It seems like Aydan filing for custody will be the new drama, do you think it will last long? Because I highly doubt that they will give solely happy edser and Kiraz in remaining episodes..

My full episode thoughts are here,  but I agree the diary and video scene was spectacular. It makes me teary every time. 

I’m also psyched that the truth is out. Truthfully, I was one that wanted Serkan to find out at the end of the first episode, but now I concede that it was better to draw it out a bit to really build everything up to this episode and his journey to letting go of his fears. What a character arc they gave him. They really explored Serkan and what drives him this episode and it was a treat-- a painful treat-- to watch it all unfold and for him to finally admit what had driven him to push her away all those years ago and what was still holding him back in the present. 

As for what’s next, that’s a great question. I agree that it’s unlikely we’re going to get happy Edser family from here on out, there has to be some obstacles and drama before we get to the end. The Aydan custody drama will clearly be the conflict in episode 5, but I don’t see it as any real barrier for Eda and Serkan. We see in the second fragman that Eda is already confronting Serkan about it, so if Aydan is doing something underhanded they can’t draw it out too long. 

I assume that while the custody thing may cause a wee bit of miscommunication between Eda and Serkan, I think it mostly will serve as fodder for Aydan and Ayfer’s relationship dynamic and give the supporting characters something to run around and chase after while Eda, Serkan and Kiraz actually start forming their new family unit. If anything it might serve as a catalyst for Serkan. Picture it, Eda confronts Serkan about it and Serkan is like “I don’t know anything about that, I wouldn’t do something that would hurt you or Kiraz, but I do want her, I want us.” You know, serve to clarify things.  

There are probably a few episodes of family drama in store for us as everyone, including Eda, Serkan and Kiraz adjust to this new reality. I assume once the euphoria of having her Baba back wears off for Kiraz, she might ask some questions that are hard for Eda and Serkan to answer. We shall see. 

Anonymous asked: i don't think i've cried THIS much at an sck episode... in like ever lmao. i was full on silent sobbing at serkan watching kiraz's baby videos.. but the scene i really loved the most was the one where they have it out after that fancy dinner. it was EVERYTHING we needed to hear serkan's POV and i almost can't believe a lot of us got the "can't have kids" theory right. i have loved so much this season how edser have communicated, even when it's painful and hard.. it was sorely missing for them.

I know! The communication! I don’t think they’ve ever communicated like this. Of course their issues were not as deep and nuanced back in the first batch of episodes so going this in-depth wasn’t necessary, but they didn’t communicate like this when dealing with Babaanne or when it was really needed after the amnesia era.  

Honestly, so pleased the “can’t have kids” theory was correct. It goes so far in explaining his actions and thought process when pushing her away, as distorted as that thought process was.  It truly was selfless, because I’m sure all he wanted was to hold her tight and never let go, but it was also so unnecessary. Their love story has just been so tragic, but if you think about how many things were stacked against them, it’s also stunning that their love has persevered. They were so opposite and unlikely to fall in love to begin with and then you add in all the things that stood in their way, meddling mothers, family secrets, Serkan’s father being responsible for her parents death, evil, rich, powerful grandmother using everything in her considerable arsenal to keep them apart, psycho stalkers, kidnapping princes, crashing planes, amnesia, brainwashing and abusive exes, plotting “friends,” tumor, cancer, separation!

To come out of all of that and to see they are clearly still in love with one another... well they really don’t have any other choice. They should get married immediately with no pomp and circumstance just so they are legally tied together. So when the next tragic, catastrophic thing comes along it will be that much harder to pull them apart.  

Anonymous asked: deniz and burak are the most harmless "3rd party" characters we've ever had in the show that it almost makes me laugh when ppl get so insecure about them.. especially with burak, knowing that he's gonna be melo's love interest, even if i don't want it. like, sure serkan is naturally gonna be jealous, maybe possessive, because of "buba" but it's all being shown right now as light comedic relief.. i've seen some people REALLY take it to heart when it really doesn't seem like it's that deep lol.

I know, it’s all so mild. They also aren’t actually even third party love interests, because there is absolutely zero interest from either side of the main pair. Both are there to a) serve plot purposes and b) show that neither Eda or Serkan is interested in anybody else. It’s nice, we get to see that while they both have had options, neither has been able to move on and both have chosen to remain alone. 

As for driving the plot, Burak’s presence was necessary because they needed someone who Serkan thought was Kiraz’s father, and Deniz was necessary because they needed someone who would do whatever Serkan wanted when Serkan wanted to force proximity with Eda. 

Looking at the fragman, the real “triangle” might be Buba - Kiraz - Baba  but I also think that will mostly be played for laughs.  A way to give us some “Drain the pool” and “Burn the flowers” type jealousy moments from Serkan, since that was a hallmark of Ayse’s early writing. 

However, I can see why some folks were put-off by that vibe. Because, yes, if you’ve been standing in as a male-figure for the 5-year-old daughter of the woman you’re tying to woo (let’s not pretend that’s not why Burak takes such an interest in Kiraz) and the father that the 5-year-old has been wanting and pining for actually re-enters the picture, maybe you don’t need to force your way in and have “Buba day” the day after he returns. I’m not saying you can’t have it ever again, I’m saying you let the family have some alone time and figure things out. Anyone with any emotional intelligence would postpone such an outing. However, it looks like Serkan is not put off so easily and we know he doesn’t lose, so it will probably lead to humorous scenes. 

The good thing about this is that it shows that Serkan won’t sit passively by. Here Burak is giving him an out, Serkan can have his day back, go to work, he can slide into fatherhood slowly, but looks like Serkan is going to have none of that and is going to crash their fishing outing. How’s that for someone who said he wasn’t ready for fatherhood a mere 24-48 hours earlier?

Also it’s worth noting that Kiraz doesn’t see Burak as a father-figure, if she did she probably would have joined Ayfer and tried to get her mom to marry him. Instead she’s been almost obsessed with her father, talking about him, dreaming about him, wanting him and was very quick to correct when someone mistook Baba and Buba. Also she wanted Buba to meet her father.  So Kiraz wanting to spend time with him isn’t a slight, in her mind he’s a friend, an uncle and with all the upheaval keeping their plans might feel safe to her. We’ll see.   

 martha0206 asked: Hi! I love your pinned post. That moment was perfect. Also, I loved the sad and emotional scenes as well as the funny ones. The episode was amazing!!! ❤ Serkan made Kiraz dream come true and I've rewatched that scene and cried because it's too beautiful and touching 🥺 K: Dad? S: Happy Birthday, my daughter 🥺😭❤

Ahh... this post that was pinned.  Thank you for the kind words, I also love that scene. I just love it because it’s such an EXTRA thing to do, putting on the astronaut costume and making an entrance like that, but both Serkan and Eda have always been so extra that it works for their little family. 

I love that he made Kiraz’s dream come true in the most dramatic way possible.  But beyond being dramatic, it was the perfect way to signal that no matter what fears or hang-ups Serkan had, he’s committed to getting over them and he’s ready to go all in on fatherhood. A perfect way to show not only Eda that he’s serious, but to show all their friends and family he’s serious. DO YOU HEAR THAT, AYFER? He’s back and he’s going to be her daddy, and there is nothing you can do about it!

Anonymous asked: do you think the writers goal is to make us hate Ayfer and Aydan? because its just a deeper and deeper hole for these two and I don't understand if they're supposed to be a happy family at the end. I actually realized going back that Ayfer never really developed into liking Serkan/Edser, she just accepted him one day and that was that but with Aydan, her character development was top tier up until episode 29 came along and she never recovered. Now I just want them gone.

LOL, I think this is a pretty popular sentiment among fans.  

Personally, I need to see how badly Aydan is meddling in the next episode. If it’s fairly inept meddling that just causes some mild misunderstandings but also serves as a catalyst for an Edser conversation about the future, I probably won’t get too upset with her.  However, if her meddling is more competent this time and she gets them into real trouble or causes real problems, then I’ll get annoyed with her. Although, I have to say if we need a few episodes of drama, I would rather this sort of controlled, family drama (meddling mamas causing a misunderstanding about custody) then, you know, other melodramatic things that certain other writing teams used to do... like kidnappings and obsessed stalkers. 

As for Aydan, I can’t help it, even though I can never forgive her transgression in 29, I feel sorry that she lost out on so much of her granddaughter’s life.  So if she wants to come in and cause headaches and drama for Ayfer (not Eda, Kiraz and Serkan... but Ayfer) then I have no problem with that. As far as I’m concerned those two can run around for the next few episodes playing cat and mouse while Eda/Serkan/Kiraz quietly form a family.

Honestly, I don’t think they want us to hate Aydan, because they give Aydan funny scenes and relationships outside of Serkan with Kemal and Seyfi and even Engin and Piril, but I have wondered if they want us to hate Ayfer. Because Ayfer doesn’t get any redeeming scenes.  I mean we’re talking about a woman who managed to raise her orphaned niece and her niece never wanted for love and turned out to be a strong, smart, confidence, successful woman... sooooo she must be awesome, right!?!  NOPE. I mean to take a character like that, who had to have been so instrumental in Eda not feeling lonely like Serkan did, but then make her so unlikeable... it has to be on purpose.  

Anonymous asked: I loved this episode of sen cal kapimi. I wasn’t so mad at the pregnancy thing. I know lots of fans are but I really liked how they made Eda and Serkan emotional and we could understand them better. I just hate how all the people who don’t like the show anymore have turned into toxic haters. It’s so frustrating. If she show isnt working for you, then why do they keep watching? 🙁

This happens in every fandom where the show keeps going and takes turns that some fans don’t like. My best advice is to not expect others to change or to stop watching or stop hate tweeting/posting, but to take steps to change your own experience so they don’t ruin it for you. I can’t tell you how many people I currently have muted on twitter. Lots. I don’t want to see the cynical, nasty tweets day in and day out about this show, the writers etc. Twitter has always been hard to take because so many people post their knee-jerk responses there and often choose to word vomit their first emotional response which for some people is mostly negative. That is true for every fandom, and has been true for this fandom since I started looking at responses there. 

So to protect yourself, seek out people who are enjoying the show and post content that you want to see and mute, unfollow or even block those who make your experience worse. 

You’ll never regret curating your experience. 

Also I don’t really consider this fandom toxic. Sure there’s negativity about the storyline and internal drama about a variety of things, but after you’ve been though shipwars that get hella toxic and include fans trying to destroy actor’s careers and who attempt to use social justice issues to bully their fanon ships into existence on a constant day-after-day basis for years, this is nothing. This fandom is a daisy-lined, sunlight walk in the park in comparison.  

Anonymous asked: For the way they treat their child's SO, I prefer Aydan over Ayfer. Ofc Aydan has been selfish & rude to Eda but Aydan saw her as a respectable foe even when she didn't like Eda. Even now her ire has been directed more at Ayfer than Eda. Ayfer eventually accepted Serkan but never seemed to like him. I get why she thought he was bad for Eda but often her anger has been unwarranted. Ironic how mad she was at him for keeping a secret from Eda for 2 weeks. Even now we see how Ayfer's anger sways Eda

I also prefer Aydan over Ayfer, here’s my recent post on it. 

The problem is not that Ayfer never liked Serkan, the problem is that Ayfer never care that Eda did like him. Ayfer can dislike him all she wants as long as she doesn’t interfere, but oh wait, she has interfered, time and time again. She’s used guilt and manipulation in attempts to control Eda at every turn, to the point, at times, of not caring that she was forcing Eda to sacrifice her career as well as her love. 

It will be interesting to see Ayfer’s response when she realizes Eda is going to let Serkan into their lives. Will she double down on badmouthing Serkan and pressuring Eda not to get involved with him, or will she smarten up and back off? I think we know the answer to that. 

Anonymous asked: Hii! I’m curious what they will come up with for the remaining episodes, I mean, drama-wise, cause no way will Ayse give us 7 episodes of Edser x Kiraz happy family time 🥺 but sure, that is also reasonable since Turks need drama to keep watching

You know, as I said above, I’m very curious about this. To be honest I didn’t really expect Eda and Serkan to be at this emotional place by the 4th episode. I mean they’re not totally ready to get back together, but they’ve both made it obvious that they still love one another, and that is kind of a big milestone in a romantic story. 

Seriously, my assumption prior to the season was that we’d have these initial finding out episodes, and then Eda and Serkan would still be sort of outwardly pretending that they didn’t want to get back together, or still angry at one another, but then they’d be forced together by Kiraz. You know there’d be some parent trapping, and a handcuff episodes and then Kiraz would manipulate them into living together and we’d get all sorts of domestic sexual tension scenes.  Now these things may still happen to some degree, but Edser is starting from a very different outward emotional place than I thought they would be. I assumed we’d get another 4-5 episodes of slow burn, forced proximity before they admitted things and got engaged. But now it feels like their feelings are out in the open and they could decide to get married at any moment. 

So we’ll have to see how the writer’s decide to chart their emotional journey over the remaining episodes. One thing I’m sure of, there are some wonderful scenes coming our way.  

Anonymous asked: I'm back and happy to say that Engin delivered!! THAT is how you use a side character. (Not whatever they were doing with Ayfer for what seemed like half the episode) This was a perfect scene for these two and had no business being as emotional as it was

Oh, yes, as I said here in my episode thoughts, the Engin/Serkan scene is the one that really started me crying on first watch. Anil was really fantastic in that scene and it made me realize how sorely I had missed Serkan/Engin as male best friends who actually talk about their emotions. Where was that guy when Serkan was being brainwashed and manipulated by Selin!?! Oh yeah he was in the hands of inept writers. 

Glad the real Engin is back!

Anonymous asked: Serkan's vehemence against wanting kids, and his dislike of kids in general, make so much more sense with what was revealed.. we just had to be patient! I can't imagine wanting something so much, having it be your "dream" and being told it's impossible.. Serkan's method of dealing with it was trying to convince himself he never wanted it in the first place and trying to dislike the topic altogether. no wonder he was never close with Can either as an uncle... how heartbreaking!

Yes, I absolutely think that was part of it. He dealt with the fact that he couldn't have children by outwardly adopting the attitude that he never wanted it, even though he still knew deep down that it’s all he wanted with Eda. 

Heartbreaking indeed. 

Anonymous asked: i hate to think of more drama when it seems like we have such a fluff-filled episode next week.. but this week's conversations b/w edser have me thinking.. do you think a possibility of reoccurrence of his tumor, or just a scare could be coming as one of their "final" hurdles. except this time instead of making his mistakes from the past, he'll do it right this time. obviously everything will be resolved happily, but i was thinking of the possibility of this when serkan was discussing his health

While anything is possible, I don’t see a reoccurrence of his tumor happening because they had a scene where the doctor said he was in perfect health and that since it had been five years he now had the same chance of occurrence as an ordinary person.  However, I suppose it’s not impossible that they give him some sort of scare so that he can prove he’s changed and that they won’t abandon his family if that sort of adversity comes again. 

Honestly, if I was Eda, I would make him go to therapy as a condition of them getting back together. Make sure he develops some coping skills for the long haul. 

Anonymous asked: the ending of the last episode was equivalent to ep 11 but kiraz version for me.. the whole build-up of serkan initially thinking he can't be her father - a good father - and his fears about leaving them both halfway culminating in him saying kiraz is a miracle, that she's perfect.. watching her home videos to showing up WHEN IT MATTERED!! for his daughter.. ugh i'm so glad there was that build-up, but also that it wasn't stretched out over multiple episodes.

Yes, I agree it was all really well done. It did feel like we had all the build up we needed to truly appreciate the moment and to appreciate Serkan’s extraordinary character arc. 

He truly rose to the occasion at the right moment, and I love that his grand gesture not only made Kiraz’s dream come true, but it showed everyone his growth and acceptance of his role as her father. 

Anonymous asked: can they just bring back Tahir - him and Melo had so much potential. let's just say he finally quit working for Babaanne and decided to come back to Istanbul to find Melo 😊

Yes, please!  He really liked her! Though she never really liked him, lmao. She could have gotten there with time. Though, I guess if she really likes Burak I can get behind it. And by that I mean I won’t bitch about it too much. No promises. We shall see. 

Anonymous asked: Anon here! Thank you so much for that explanation!!!! It seems really interesting, might just have to give it a chance now! Thank you kindly 😊😊

It’s a fun show and I do recommend it. Let me know if you start watching!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #434

“i hate this town, it’s so washed up, & all my friends don’t give a fuck  /  they’ll tell me that it’s just bad luck, when will i find where i fit in?”

You get a text from your ex. He/she wants to hang out. How do you respond? Admittedly, I would. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex that you secretly want to be more than friends with? No. Well, there are times where I think I WANT to like-like Girt, but I just don't. And yet he's always been there for me without fail, is super funny and kind and chill... but I think we were just friends for too long; he feels like my brother by this point in time. If your partner smoked, would that be a problem for you? If it was cigarettes, yes. Even weed (UNLESS it was for medicinal purposes and not a constant thing) I'd be iffy about. I just don't want to date a smoker. Lung damage is lung damage and weed actually has more carcinogens, and I don't want to sign myself up for all that. I don't want to watch my partner wither away from nonstop smoking and also have myself suffer from second-hand smoking. When will you next see your best friend? There's no telling. Right now I'm trying to be realistic and responsible with the money I DO ever get and put it towards more important investments, but I really do want to take a plane up there at some point. But that's also waiting until Covid is in the past. Heeeell no would I be stepping into an airport right now, even being vaccinated. How many tattoos would you like to have? Too many to count, ha ha. I want LOADS. Paint me, baby. :') Do you like your first name? I actually do. Have you ever talked to a boyfriend about an ex-boyfriend? Yes. It's kind of inevitable when you go into a new relationship, hoping it'll go well and be seriously invested, that you let your partner know "oh hey, this happened and seriously affected me to where I'm going to have 'my days.'" Greatest birthday gift you ever got? My snake Venus was technically a birthday present, though I obviously picked her out. Worst memory you have? Losing Jason. I can't say enough that the night of the breakup still doesn't feel real. First memory you can remember? My brother going down our slide into the Hurricane Floyd flood in our front yard, ha ha. I was around two, I wanna say? I don't feel like looking up the date of the hurricane. Oldest object you own? When did you get it? I'm sure that would be a stuffed animal we have stored away somewhere. Or my baby blanket, also safely tucked away. Meanest person you know? Why do you feel this way? I don't "know" Colleen anymore, but God knows she fit the bill. She was so fucking rude to people (yes, she was one of those people that bitched out store employees that have no control over things that inconvenienced her), the world revolved around her problems, she started drama with the damn grass... It's funny even picturing how she was my best friend once. My standards were lower for who I could befriend back then, but goddamn. Ever been dumped? By who? Yes, Jason. Technically Sara as well, but "dumped" seems like an unfitting term? Like we just talked it out and sorta mutually agreed that it was wiser that we weren't together at the time. Have you ever dumped someone? Why? Yes, mostly because I didn't like-like them. Juan was more so because I believed a rumor by Rachel, and Tyler, I just wasn't invested in and had NO desire to put up with the "we need to talk every five minutes" crap. Where do you buy most of your food? Wal-Mart. Last house you have been to: whose was it, and why were you there? My sister's, for my nephew's birthday party. Have you ever been a drunk driver? No, and fuck you if you've ever put others (and yourself) at risk like that. One kid you cannot stand? None that I know, and that's very few. Has anyone ever saved your life? Jason and Mom literally have. Last thing you cried about? Ha ha, I finished watching another SOMA playthrough earlier, and I will ALWAYS start to cry at the end. Without fail. Would you sacrifice your life for someone else's baby? I honestly think I would if it was a split-second decision. Tell me about your latest dream: I think my APAP mask wasn't positioned well last night, because I had a SHITLOAD of nightmares. Too many to even remember. Have you ever been in a limo? No. I've always wanted to experience that once, man. Have you ever been the maid of honor in a wedding party? No. Has anyone ever seen you naked? I was born naked, my man. Mom used to give my sister and I baths together, and I took a bath with a best friend once as a kid. Then one other person has. Do you have a calendar? If so, what is the theme of it? Not a current one, no. Nicest thing you have ever done for a complete stranger: I have no idea. Meanest thing you have ever done to a complete stranger: *shrug* Have you ever been sent to the principal's office? If so, why? And how did you feel? Yes, I think because they wanted to ask the reason behind all my morning tardies. I was soooo scared, just being a kid. Person you hope you never run into again: Colleen. Have you ever streaked? Heeeeell no. Why do you hate your ex? I don't hate any of them. What animal did you last pet or hold? Roman, my cat. What color is your hair? It's my natural brunette right now. I want to dye it SO badly. Have you ever fallen asleep in someone's arms? Yeah. Have you ever had to clean a cat box before? Yeah, seeing as I own an indoor cat. Christmas is coming. Who are you buying gifts for? In the hypothetical situation where I had the money, I'd buy things for my parents, my stepmom, my two immediate sisters, Ash's kids, as well as her husband, but only because I'd feel obligated to as he's considered a close member of the family. I'd also totally get something for Sara! When somebody intimidates you, how do you usually act around them? SCARED. I get quiet, stutter if I do talk, and possibly cry. Is your favorite singer in a band or does he or she ride solo? He was originally the singer of Black Sabbath, but he's been solo for forever now. I prefer him solo, honestly. Did your parents ever hang your old artwork up on the walls? Ohhh yes. Mom still does, ha ha. What is the weirdest obsession you’ve ever had? Nothing really "weird," I think... How long can you be in a car before wanting to get out? It depends on if I have my music or not. If I do, I can last hours, but if not, I don't really like being in the car at all. Have any songs ever inspired you to play an instrument? No. Do you ever use Pandora?No. Are you better with creative writing or writing essays? Creative writing, but I'm fine with both. What is the weirdest animal you’ve ever seen as a pet? I know OF someone who rescued I want to say a baby bobcat, or something along those lines, but I didn't know that guy personally. I don't think I've ever actually met someone with a truly *strange* pet... The most unique I've seen is probably just a chinchilla. If you had to change one, would you rather change your hair or your eyes? My eyes. I don't like them much, mainly the shape. What was your favorite computer game as a kid? I loved the various Oregon Trail games, as well as one I think was called The Amazon Trail 3. Then there was a few dinosaur games I LOVED, and then there were the classic kids' games like the Putt-Putt and Fred the Fish series. Any shows on TV that you flat out refuse to start watching? 13 Reasons Why. I don't even support that show existing. Pajamas with feet: yay or nay? NOOOOOOOO, that is so uncomfortable. What is your opinion on fruitcake? That's an even BIGGER "no." Who did you last dream about? I don't remember. Do you have trouble remembering important things? Yes. .-. I barely remember anything. Which animal can you imitate the best? I dunno? Have you bought any drugs this month? I don't do drugs, so. Have you ever set foot in a tanning bed? Nope, never will. Do you know the Soulja Boy dance? Ha ha, I did as a kid. My then-best friend, younger sister, and I wanted to learn it. I don't remember it now, that's for sure. What is the best ice cream flavor? Ben and Jerry's "Phish Food" is GODLY. Wallpaper on your computer's desktop? Teddy, my late dog. Do you clean when you’re upset? Hell no, I do the opposite: nothing. Do you sleep with the door open or closed? It stays open. My cat would pitch a fit otherwise. Do you know anyone who has actually been in an alcohol or drug related crash? Yes, actually. It was incredibly tragic; the both of them were high (maybe drunk, idr for sure), and my friend was driving with her best friend in the passenger seat. They crashed, and said friend's best friend died. For YEARS she would share pictures of them together on Facebook, "talking" to her, and it was just so heartbreaking. I doubt she's forgiven herself to this day, but she seems to have mostly moved on the best she could, being married with a daughter now. Have you ever gotten a professional massage? No, and I do NOT want one. I don't want some random stranger touching me in ANY way. Do you have a good relationship with your first love? No. We haven't talked in years, so maybe he feels no hatred for me at this point, but I do for myself. I don't hate him at all. Do you feel like you have life figured out? bitch hell no What would you do if you were faced with an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy (at your current age)? Was I raped? I'd almost certainly abort because I would be traumatized as FUCK. If it was my own fault, I think I'd go through with the pregnancy, but give the baby up for adoption. There is no way I could raise a kid right now. Or probably ever. Water or Gatorade? I don't like either, really, but I HATE Gatorade. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? It's been pierced twice, and I'm thinking of getting it redone again, but this time use a hoop instead of a stud to keep the damn piercing from falling out and closing in my sleep. Have you ever slapped someone? On the arm as a kid. That doesn't excuse it, though. Who are the pictures of in the room? I have a lot of posters, but no real photographs of anyone. Have your parents ever smoked pot? Dad did a lot of drugs before I was born, but Mom's never touched anything. I think. Would you ever consider moving to a different country? I'd love to live in Canada, if that didn't entail leaving my family. What is your favourite food from your culture? Cheeseburgers, alsdf;alwer Do you know any pick-up lines in a foreign language? No. What degree are you or will you pursue while in college? I've dropped out of college three times. I am never going back to major in anything. I changed my major quite a few times while I was there. Favorite arcade game? I don't really have one. One of my life goals is to go to an arcade that has Silent Hill: The Arcade, though. There are very few throughout the world, and it looks fun. Would other people consider your sense of humor inappropriate? I don't see how. Some inappropriate things can make me laugh, but it's definitely not my favorite form of humor, and I myself don't really make jokes of that sort. Who is your biggest celebrity crush right now? Mark Fischbach. :'') What are they famous for? He's a big YouTuber, aND WILL ALSO BE A MAIN ACTOR IN A SHOW NEXT YEAR. LET'S GOOOOOOOOOO. Have you ever had a controlling boyfriend/girlfriend? No, I would NOT stand for that bullshit. Do you have any gay family members? I know my mom's... cousin I want to say is gay. Somebody related to her is. Was your first kiss romantic? I feel like it was. What are you most likely to go to jail for? Pirating shit. Well, can you even be locked up for downloading minor shit? Shows what I know. Have you ever liked someone that was in a relationship with someone else? Boy, have I. Would you ever get a boob job? When (or if...) I lose all the weight I want, I can almost guarantee a breast lift will be something I'd want. Certain things happen when you lose a shitload of weight alsdkf;alkwe Have you ever tried to break up anyone because you liked one of them? Not intentionally. What would you think if you found out your ex was gay? If we're talking THE ex, safe to say I'd be shocked. Did you ever think someone didn’t like you, but come to find out they really did? It's weird, I've felt both ways with Girt? Like there were times I was pretty much 100% certain he liked me, but I'd also be like "nah, no way, he sees me as a sister." Turns out he like-liked me. Are you worried about anything right now? I can't possibly recall the last time I WASN'T worried about something. When you are home alone, do you still close the door when you shower? I don't shower when I'm home alone because I'm afraid of ever fainting and busting my ass again. What noise do you hear? I'm currently listening to "All Signs Point To Lauderdale" by A Day to Remember, and I can also hear my fan going. Do you go online everyday? Pretty much without fail. It'll probably be a cold day in Hell before I willingly don't come online, ha ha.

[iaintyourbro]

Nostalgia

This is somewhat of a silly post, but I kinda want to talk about the nostalgia aspect of FF7 and FF7 Remake for me.

Mainly with the stuff they say in FF7 Remake.

There’s some sayings and lines that remind me of shit my mom and dad said when I was young. My dad passed away almost four years ago now, so when folks would say those lines, it would make me think of a conversation with him and get that bittersweet feeling.

So here’s some quotes that make me feel bittersweet:

“Keep on truckin’.” - Aerith (My dad said this a lot when I was feeling like I couldn’t finish something)

“Let’s roll.” - Cloud (This is such a dad saying. Whenever we needed to get somewhere - usually as early as possible, you know - he’d say that. He also just said it when he was ready to go.)

“Dilly dally shilly shally.” - Tifa and Aerith in AC (The shilly shally part was new, but in AC when she said this, I was like huh? My mom says dilly dally ALL THE TIME. Always has. So I guess I was surprised because I’d NEVER heard anybody else except her and my grandfather say it.)

“Hoo boy.” - Cloud, Dio, and the Shinra Manager in OG/Cloud in Remake (LOL who didn’t say this in the 90s? I mean, I thought it was hilarious that they kept it in Remake.)

“You good?” - Cloud and everybody else (You good is a staple phrase that covers a variety of situations, and I laugh every time they say it, because they say it just like I’d expect.)

All of Wall Market reminded me SO MUCH of Atlantic City, NJ. If you’ve ever been there, you know what I mean. I can smell Wall Market through the TV.

But what REALLY killed me and makes me replay Chocobo Sam’s quest chain for no reason, is the EN voice actors SOUND like they’re from Northern NJ/NY, and that’s the bulk of the people who travel down to Atlantic City. 

I also had my brother-in-law watch some of this scene and he said “Did somebody from NJ or NY do the localization for this? It sounds like they picked a bunch of people from here to do the voice acting. They have the accent down too well...” 

Now I’m not from North Jersey, so I don’t have that same accent, but most of my college friends were and do have it. 

Atlantic City for locals was just a place you went when you turned 21 and legally could gamble and drink. There’s also this time my parents and grandparents took us there when we were 10, and we all got separated for hours. So I remember walking around with my dad and sister trying to find my mom and grandparents.. and apparently we passed each other multiple times. 

Then there was the time in college I got separated from the rest of the group in AC and when they finally found me, cuz my phone was dead, and I used a pay phone to have my dad stalk my FB for my friend’s phone number, I was sun burnt, tired, and they said it was my version of The Hangover... 

My face always hurts after playing that quest chain from smiling too much.

Okay enough of my stupid ACNJ antics...

I played FF7 20 years ago, and even though I was starting my angsty teen years, my life WAS good. It’s funny how you look back and realize all you had at that point. So any game from that time period - FF7, Xenogears, FF8, etc, brings me back. Maybe that’s why it took me so long to replay those (I wish I could replay Xenogears, but it’s not anywhere at this point without me hoping my old PS3 works). It also may explain why I was scared to play FF7 Remake. 

I was scared it would change too much. I saw the trailers, and I would fight excitement. I think my husband was confused. He knew I was a huge FF fan. I used to play a game in college where somebody would play a FF song and I could name it within the first 5-10 seconds. So he couldn’t figure out why I didn’t want to play it, and I couldn’t explain it. Watching him play a bit piqued my interest, though, and then I stole it from him... and became obsessed.

No, I wasn’t a shipper back then. I enjoyed the romance in FF8, and I enjoyed the tragic romance of Vincent and Lucretcia in FF7, but I was never a heavy shipper. I liked the story at face value. There was much more to it than romance, and I still feel that way. Remake DID make me a shipper - but it was hard not to turn in to one. They absolutely gave us some great scenes to ship with. Heavy sexual tension and watching this gap close between Tifa and Cloud was symbolic for many reasons. It also feels somewhat tragic since we know Cloud isn’t Cloud until much, much later on... 

Anyway, thanks for reading my nostalgic post of craziness and randomness. Hopefully FF7 Remake gave you some warm and fuzzy feelings as well if you were a fan of the OG!

[expresstheobsession]

Tokoyami x Reader ; Reality

I was slightly carried away by this one. I hope you enjoy it! Sorta tempted to do a part 2. Let me know if you’re interested in seeing how it turns out! 

ps thanks for requesting ☽

#117  “Be my fake boyfriend/girlfriend/partner!”

Word Count: 1351 | Warnings: None

You paced back and forth, dreading the conversation you knew your mom would try to have. 

It was summer and that usually meant spending time with family, which is great, but your mom was obsessed with you having a boyfriend. She didn’t want her daughter to end up alone just because your quirk was a little odd. 

So, to counteract this, you told her you did in fact have a boyfriend. You didn’t stop there. No. You made the situation much worse by saying that he was coming to visit this weekend, completely forgetting this is the weekend you planned to go to your parents. 

You knew she would ask you to bring him, saying that he came all that way to spend time with you and it was just rude to leave him at home. She would beg until you eventually gave in.

The phone rang and your heart dropped. You had to tell her that he broke your heart, make up a tragic love story. Unrequited? No, that doesn’t fit. Death? No, too harsh. Better off as friends? Common, but effective. 

“Mom,” You chirped, finally answering the call. 

“I’ve got some good news.” She stated, not giving you a chance to smash her hopes and dreams. “Your father and I have set up the guest room for your friend! I know it hasn't been used in years, but let me tell you it looks great! I finally got rid of the dust bunnies!” 

“Mom.”

“We are just so glad he is coming in on our weekend. It’s a perfect way to meet the boy you have been dating for months!” 

“Wait, Mom.” 

“I’m proud of you, Y/N. You have done so well for yourself and I just know this boy, whoever he is, will make you so happy. I was so worried about you, with that quirk, but look at you. You are amazing, baby, and I’m glad someone finally noticed.” She finished, her voice cracking from emotion. 

How were you supposed to break her heart now?

“He’s great, Mom. I plan on keeping him around for a long time,” you mumbled. You couldn’t do it. You would just have to figure out a way to fix this. You could always try dating apps. People would do anything for a bit of cash, right? 

“What’s his name, dear? You’ve been so secretive about him. I just want a little to prepare with.” She pried a little more. 

Her question sent you into a quick panic that determined how your weekend would go. “Uh, well.” You thought back to all the names you’ve heard recently, somehow coming up blank on one that would actually work. “It’s, uh, Tokoyami!” You called out, seeing him walk by the open doorway. 

Almost instantly your hand came up to cover your mouth. You were too late, both parties heard you loud and clear. 

“Tokoyami? That sounds familiar. Are you sure I haven’t met this boy before?” Your mother questioned. 

Tokoyami stood leaning against the door now, certainly intrigued about your conversation. Truth was, your mother had met Tokoyami. In fact, she’s met him several times while visiting UA. 

“Uh, yeah, about that. Mom, he goes to UA. Uh, I was just nervous to tell you?” The last bit came out like a question.

Your cheeks were a deep crimson now as you glanced up at the boy in question. Tokoyami was silent, as usual, but his eyes told of his curiosity. Could he hear both sides of the conversation? You weren’t sure how good his hearing was, but by the look on his face, he’s heard something. 

“Oh! The Jet-Black Hero!” Your mom called out, proud of herself for remembering. “He’s a sweet young man. You should have told us, Y/N. I would have hugged him a little harder last time we visited!”

You nodded your head before realizing you were still on the phone. “Yes, I know. I’m sorry. I’ll see you this weekend and you can give all the hugs you want. I gotta go, I love you, bye!” With that you quickly hung up the phone. 

You turned around to face the wall, unsure of how to even approach this topic with Tokoyami. You were embarrassed beyond belief. It also didn’t help that you had a major crush on the boy. 

“Y/N? What was all that about?” His voice was deep, accusatory. 

You took a deep breath, muttering the words under your breath. Tokoyami couldn’t hear you so he asked again. This time you turned around to face him and said it a bit louder. “Be my fake boyfriend!” 

- 

The train ride was a little awkward, mainly because you were still uneasy after begging Tokoyami to tag along. Good news? Tokoyami is a sweetheart and agreed. Bad news? Your crush on Tokoyami was sure to be discovered. 

“So, how long have we been dating?” He asked, leaning back against his seat. 

The question caught you at a bad time and you instantly started to cough on the water you so desperately needed. Tokoyami patted your back, apologizing for causing such dismay. 

“Uh, a few months? I can’t remember when I first told my mom about having a boyfriend. She’s met you a few times since then I’m sure. We’ve been keeping it on the down low if she asks.” You picked at the string attached to your shirt. It’s not that you intentionally meant to be awkward. It was more of the fact that your crush had to be lovey dovey with you all weekend and you were not prepared in the slightest. 

“And how did it happen? I’m sure Mrs. L/N is going to want to know the details.” 

“My plan was to not answer any personal questions and blame it on you being antisocial,” you joked. 

Tokoyami laughed, “Well, that’s an option. If I was going to ask you out, it would be private and significant. Just our thing, ya know?”  His voice trailed off a little at the end, almost like he didn’t mean to tell you that part. 

Once arriving to the station, your nightmare began. 

“Y/N! Tokoyami! Over here!” You mother waved her hands through the air, almost resembling the inflatable man from the car shop up the street. 

The sign she held high and proud read, “prepare to be debriefed.” 

Too bad it was only Friday.

-

By the time Saturday rolled around, Tokoyami spent a lot of time with your father, often leaving on random store trips because your father ‘needed some one-on-one time.’ The thought alone was terrifying, but Tokoyami never complained.

 He held your hand throughout most of the day, not stopping when the two of you were alone. He helped your mother in the garden, plucking the dead leaves and helping her paint flower pots. Tokoyami even spent time with your younger siblings, answering all their questions about Dark Shadow.

Tokoyami wasn’t the best at social interactions, wanting more to isolate himself and stay away, but spending time with you was something he didn’t realize he wanted. Your family took him in and treated him as if he was one of them.

Maybe one day he would could be. 

-

When Sunday came, Tokoyami was determined to make your situation a reality. He was smitten and didn’t want your time together to end. He cherished the train ride home, talking to you about your hopes and dreams. It all matched up, Tokoyami could see the potential. 

“What are your plans for tonight?” Tokoyami asked, playing with the tips of your fingers. The action was pulling at your heartstrings. 

“Nothing really,” you mentioned. The thought of hanging out with Tokoyami after the fiasco this weekend was tempting. The weekend had been sweet, Tokoyami played his part as the doting boyfriend so well that you weren’t sure if it had slipped into realism along the way. 

Tokoyami spent the rest of the ride home planning something special. He had the perfect location, the perfect words to say, and the perfect partner. Tonight he would make you his, for real this time.

[glassprism]

Since you're also in other fandoms, are there any ships/pairings you like? Who's your favourite pairing in POTO? Who are your favourite characters (from POTO to all your other fandoms) and why? Ooh, here's a rather unusual one: who's your favourite side character (name one for all your fandoms!) and why?

Yeah, definitely! Though whether some can be counted as actual “ships” is debatable, as you’ll see in a bit.

For Phantom, my favorite “ship” is the love triangle - E/C/R. Not in a polyamorous, threesome way, but one where I love the dynamics of the characters, the way they affect one another, the ways Erik and Raoul are similar and different. So it’s not quite a “ship” in a traditional sense where I want characters to end up with each other, but more in the sense that I like to explore and analyze them.

As for other “ships” or pairings, I’m just going to list, like, every fandom or random-ass thing I’ve ever loved in semi-chronological order (time to go back to my middle school fandoms!). Under the cut for length.

Harry Potter: Sirius Black and Harry Potter. I adored the godfather-godson bond between the two (absolutely no romance; I clicked on an mpreg fic of the two when I was but a wee lass of twelve and it scarred me): how Harry was the last living reminder of Sirius’s best friend, whose death he still feels responsible for; how Sirius is the parental figure Harry wanted, how they were never able to be happy god damn it Rowling. (You can imagine how much my eleven year old self cried when I read the fifth book. Oh boy, the tears.)

Star Wars: Vader and Luke. Again, totally familial, father-son relationship only. (Speaking of scarring experiences, I once stumbled on a romance fic between the two, where yes, both of them were still father and son, and I have that summary etched into my brain permanently.) The way Vader obsessively hunts down Luke, the first emotional connection he has had with a person in literal decades! The way Luke has just ached all his life for a father figure, to the point where he will take a homicidal Sith lord if that’s who he is! How he never gives up on trying to redeem him! How Luke is right. Loud screeching.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Will Turner and Bootstrap Bill and Will Turner and Henry Turner. More sad father-son dynamics (you may be noticing a pattern here). Repeat what I said with the Star Wars relationships, only with more pirates and less homicide. (And way more parental abandonment guilt.)

Halloween: Michael Myers and Laurie Strode,  remake universe. Yet again, no romance, just a severely messed-up brother-sister relationship. I can’t begin to tell you why I like the horrific relationship between a serial killer and the little sister he was so obsessed with he ruined her life, completely traumatized her, and ended up leading to her death, but I do. Maybe it’s the dark obsession aspect of it, that in the midst of all his murders, there’s still one person Michael Myers longs to have a connection with, the baby sister who represented total innocence in his mind. Maybe it’s the “what could have been” aspect too, as Laurie never recognizes him or realizes their connection until it’s far too late. Maybe I need to re-examine my life choices. I’ll figure it out someday.

Bat Boy The Musical: Bat Boy/Shelley. Yes, this is a romance; yes, they are half-brother and half-sister, yes, you can get on me about this, but in my defense how about you watch the musical and NOT come out of it shipping these two against all your better instincts.

POTO: E/C/R, as stated above and for all those reasons. Oh, and you know what - The Phantom and Gustave from Love Never Dies. Can’t get away from those father-son ships. I actually care about that relationship than E/C or R/C in LND (maybe because both E/C and R/C suck in the sequel so what else am I going to latch onto).

Batman: Listed here, but my heart really lies with three ships. Jaytim is the first: it’s the whole “angry woobie destroyer of worlds who hates everyone meets seemingly well-adjusted and cheerful individual who is secretly hiding their own issues” dynamic. Bane/Talia from The Dark Knight Rises is the second. Doesn’t matter if it’s familial, friendship, protector and protectee, or romantic, I eat it up, and to be fair, it’s never explicitly stated what the relationship is in the movie. All we know is that the two grew up together in a hellhole prison, probably dependent on and solely trusting only one another, and that bond continues even after they leave, and not even death will make them leave one another. Finally, we have Jason Todd/therapy from the Arkham games. Because the poor guy needs it.

MCU: STEVE/BUCKY (aka Stucky). This ship (again, could be friendship or romantic) dominated my thoughts for four years. Steve’s fish-out-of-water status! Bucky’s horrific imprisonment under Hydra. The way the two find each other after and the angst. The fact that Steve refuses to kill Bucky and, even after seventy years, succeeds in breakthing through to him because their connection runs that deep. The fact that Marvel just ruined this relationship so now I have to rely on fanfic. Oh yes, and I also slowly fell into the Kastle ship (Frank Castle aka The Punisher and Karen Page). Another “hardened killer with sad backstory who connects to idealistic young woman with hidden darkness” dynamic.

Terminator: T-800 aka “Uncle Bob” and John Connor. Returning to sad father-son dynamics, I have this from Terminator 2. A robot learning emotions! A boy learning to take his place as a leader and all-loving hero. The bond they form, partially because the T-800 will do nothing else but protect John and partially because John has no father-figure of his own, so his robot bodyguard will do. THE ENDING.

ASOIAF/GOT: I actually have very few ships from here other than Arya/Gendry (and only when they’re older) and, weirdly, Theon/Sansa from the show. The Gendrya ship is just cute, it may well be the most wholesome ship on here, while Theonsa has shades of Stucky in it, I suppose, given that Theon has been tortured so badly he can barely remember his own name, until Sansa turns up and reminds him enough that he breaks out of it to help her.

Favorite characters from each of those:

Harry Potter: My favorite characters from here are probably more side characters, so I’ll just say Hermione Granger. Her focus on academics, fear of failure, and conviction that the library holds all the answers, felt all too reminiscent of myself.

Star Wars: Darth Vader,  no contest whatsoever. Cool mask, cool cape, cool lightsaber, and the absolute worst life one can imagine.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Interestingly, Will Turner. Yeah, I guess Jack Sparrow is cool and Elizabeth is absolutely awesome to watch and has the greatest change in the series, but oh-so-serious Will, with his deep loyalties and slow slide into moral ambiguity because of those loyalties, fascinates me.

Halloween: Laurie Strode, all versions. My favorite final girl, my survivor of trauma (except in the remake, where, well, she doesn’t survive). Also, her daughter in the Thorn trilogy, Jamie Lloyd, the most tragic little girl to walk across a horror movie screen.

Bat Boy The Musical: Ah, wow, haven’t thought about this. I guess Bat Boy and Shelley, more by default than anything.

POTO: Christine Daae, no contest. Love her character, love her arc, love her songs, love her costumes.

Batman: Listed here.

MCU: Bucky Barnes (unless he counts as a side character), but I also love Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, Karen Page, Elektra Natchios... and I’ll leave it at that.

Terminator: John Connor. (There’s a reason I haven’t watched Dark Fate yet... or ever.)

ASOIAF/GOT: Three of them! Daenerys Targaryen, who I love because she tries so hard to rule well, who is so observant and cognizant of the things going on around her. Then Sansa Stark, who makes such astounding growth, who retains her empathy and compassion throughout, who is capable of startling perception and insight which most others underestimate. And finally, Cersei Lannister. She’s terrible. I love her.

And favorite side characters from each of those:

Harry Potter: Sirius Black may well have been my first fictional crush. But Remus Lupin is the kind of person (and teacher) I aspire to be.

Batman: I swear, depending on the comic series or movie, everyone is a side character. I’ll just link to my old ask again.

Star Wars: Batman syndrome all over again; every character in Star Wars might be a side character elsewhere, and every side character gets to be the main character of their own comic, book, movie, etc. Erm... I really liked Rose from the sequel trilogy and Chirrut Imwe from Rogue One. I find Mara Jade from the Legends universe fun to read. WAIT I GOT IT - Queen Amidala’s handmaidens from Episode I (Sabe, Rabe, Eirtae, Yane, Sache). Highly trained in both politics, decorum, and weaponry, able to be utterly nondescript or the Queen’s decoy at the drop of a hat? I love.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Hmm... you know what, I thought Syrena the mermaid was pretty cute.

Halloween: Rachel Carruthers! Your typical girl-next-door but well done and with a touching relationship with her foster sister. I will die mad about her death in the fifth movie.

Bat Boy The Musical: Uh.... I’ll get back to you on this...

POTO: Carlotta is super fun.

MCU: Oh heck, Dottie Underwood. (My taste in female characters goes like this: a) intelligent and observant, 2) sweet and compassionate, 3) batsh*t insane. She’s the third.)

Terminator: Not sure how much of a side character she is, but Kate Connor. Wife and second-in-command to John Connor, able to heal wounds and kick butt depending on what the movie requires.

ASOIAF/GOT: I’ll probably think of someone else, but you know what? Queen Rhaenys Targaryen, younger sister and wife to Aegon the Conqueror, whom he wed out of desire. Playful, spirited, loved to fly, sponsored musicians, initiated reforms for the smallfolk, what’s not to love? (Apart from one possibility of her death... but we don’t talk about that.)

[antonfm]

can     u     believe     that     a     whole     entire     day          after     the     rp     opens          ,          i     finally     have     my     shit     together     enough     to     post     an     intro          !          can     u     fuckin     believe     it          !          anyways          ,          i’m     elliot          (          she/they          )          ,          i’m     20     n     i’m     a     supreme     dumbass     who     needs     2     get     their     life     together     on     so     many     levels          .  .  .          it’s     fine     though          !          completely     fine          !          totally     n     utterly     fine          !!!

(          timothee     chalamet          &          cis     male          )          who          ??          these     days          ,          it’s     all     about     anton     olivier          ,          who     comes     from     manhattan          ,          ny          ,          and     is     making     headlines     as     an     actor          .          he     currently     has     a     fan     count     of     45.9k          ,          no     thanks     to     the     rumours     of     them     being     vainglorious          !          but          ,          on     the     other     hand          ,          his     most     devout     fans     say     he’s     actually     retiary          .          last     i     heard          ,          he     caused     quite     a     buzz     when     he     was     caught     leaving     multiple     lovers’     houses     despite     being     in     an     allegedly     ‘     committed     ’     relationship          !          it’s     no     wonder     they     remind     me     of     inky     black     as     a     beautiful     contrast     to     stark     white          ,          tastes     of     fake     blood          &          bourbon     dancing     a     mistimed     tango     on     your     tongue          ,          stacks     of     literary     classics     like     small     mountains     on     your     living     room     floor          ,          abandoned     chastity     ring          (          ruby     red     gemstone          ,          isn’t     it     ironic          ?          )          ,          heat     -     slick     kisses     smeared     to     the     corner     of     your     mouth          ;          dark     academia          /          technicolour     ghost     disappearing     in     the     middle     of     a     crowd          ,          slipping     into     the     back     of     a     lecture     theatre     abound     with     rapt     attention          ,          pressing     bruises     into     not     -     yet     -     ripe     fruit     for     the     thrill     of     watching     it     wilt     beneath     satin     touch          .

𝔩𝔞𝔶𝔢𝔯     𝔬𝔫𝔢     .          rudimentals          .

full     name:     anton     françois     olivier     . nicknames,     aliases:

ant     .

mon     cher     .          (          by     his     mother     .          )

age:     twenty     -     three     . date     of     birth:     october     fifteenth     . place     of     birth:     manhattan         ,         new     york     city     . nationality:     american     . ethnicity:     caucasian     (     french     )     . spoken     languages:     english          ,          fluent     french          (          spoken     in     household     more     commonly     than     english          )          .

zodiac     sign:     scorpio     . hogwarts     house:     slytherin     . myers     -     briggs:     infp     -     t     .

career     claims:     charlie     heaton     ,     some     of     bill     skargsard’s     stuff     .          (          i’ll     write     his     imdb     page     later     .          )

𝔩𝔞𝔶𝔢𝔯     𝔱𝔴𝔬     .          physicals          .

height:     six     foot     three     . weight:     157     lbs     .

complexion:     pale     ,     scarily     so     .     nothing     medical     about     it     ,     just     a     natural     pallid     sheen     to     sharp     features     .     a     small     ,     light     dusting     of     freckles     over     the     nose     and     cheeks     and     forehead     .      face     shape:     heart     -     shaped     ,     incredibly     angular     .     sharp     cheekbones     and     jawline     ,     square     and     dashing     in     a     sinister     kind     of     way     .     very     thin     ,     very     gaunt     .      facial     quirks:     in     some     lights     his     left     eye     is     ever     so     slightly     lighter     than     the     other     ,     but     it’s     a     trick     of     the     light     .

hair:     black     ,     naturally     so     (     your     mother’s     hair     )     .     has     a     slight     natural     wave     that     sometimes     springs     to     a     loose     curl     .     recently     ,     you’ve     grown     it     out     so     that     it     curls     around     the     nape     of     your     neck     and     falls     into     your     eyes     .     typically     ,     strands     are     tucked     behind     your     ears     unless     they     fall     out     of     place     .     soft     ,     incredibly     so     --- -     cherry     blossom     shampoo     and     conditioner     ensures     that     . eyes:     bright     blue     ,     cobalt     .     golden     rings     around     the     pupils     ,     with     green     and     hazel     flecks     throughout     .     lashes     are     unfairly     long     and     dark     ,     a     prettily     sooty     smudge     against     the     high     ridge     of     your     cheekbones     .     brows     are     dark     and     expressive     ,     unruly     ,     arched     ever     so     slightly     .     dark     indigo     bags     underneath     your     eyes     aren’t     an     unusual     sight     ,     results     of     too     -     long     nights     and     a     strange     work     schedule     . nose:     your     mother’s     button     nose     ,     small     and     straight     and     ‘     lovely     ’     according     to     your     rabid     fan     base     .     nothing     much     to     say     about     it     otherwise     .     you     considered     piercing     it     when     you     were     fifteen     and     going     through     it     for     unknown     reasons     .      mouth:     relatively     normal     lips     ,     slightly     plusher     lower     lip     but     that’s     not     saying     much     .     chewed     ,     bitten     ,     chapped     like     nothing     else     /     favourite     flavour     of     burt’s     bees     is     pomegranate     .     teeth     are     white     ,     straight     ,     pretty     good     teeth          ;          indents     of     which     often     find     themselves     deep     in     that     lower     lip     .

scars:     none     of     note     .     the     typical     petite     white     scars     of     childhood     across     knees     and     elbows     ,     but     nothing     too     serious     . tattoos,     piercings:     none     .     there     are     plans     in     the     works     ,     but     currently          ?          nothing     . more     body     modifications:     again     ,     nothing     .     bitch     is     boring     .

𝔩𝔞𝔶𝔢𝔯     𝔱𝔥𝔯𝔢𝔢     .          biographicals          .

not     quite     your     typical     tale     of     boy     -     meets     girl          ;          art     gallery     curator     curator     watches     broadway     ‘     ingénue     ’          &          falls     head     over     heels     in     an     infatuation     that     borders     on     obsession     but     is     returned     tenfold     .     adele     st     .     croix     can’t     believe     her     luck          (          moved     to     manhattan     just     two     years     previously          ,          resumé     builds     beyond     belief          ,          engagement     to     a     big     name     is     imminent          !          )          and     pierre     -     louis     olivier     has     never     been     so     deeply     in     love     before          .          the     courtship     is     wonderful          ,          twilight     walks     in     the     park          ,          regular     dates     at     terribly     romantic     restaurants          ,          soft     kisses     on     random     stoops     and     rough          ,          impassioned     kisses     on     your     own          .          the     engagement     comes     in     1995          ,          &          a     year     later          ,          marriage     is     a     cover     story     and     a     four     -     page     spread     in     all     the     glossy     tabloids     your     mother     loves     to     collect          .          

your     conception     comes     as     a     shock          ,          of     course          .          neither     wanted     children     so     early          ,          just     a     year     into     their     marriage     but     the     very     first     time     that     your     mother’s     silky     -     smooth     hands     rest     on     the     then     -     flat     expanse     of     her     belly     it’s     over          .          unspoken     talks     of     termination     that     weighed     uncomfortably     heavily     on     unmoving     tongues     are     quashed          ,          replaced     by     fluttering     anticipation     of     a     child          .          your     impending     birth     is     announced     three     months     after     your     parents     find     out     they’re     expecting     you          ,          &          soon     enough     your     own     infantile     chunk     of     their     upper     east     side     penthouse          (          a     grandiose     wedding     present          )          is     carved     out          ;          decked     in     earthy     tones     and     warm     creams          ,          pastels     of     all     shades     and     joy     woven     into     each     choice          ,          you     are     a     source     of     joy     to     rival     the     sun          .

birth     is     almost     perfect          ,          only     one     day     past     your     due     date          .          naturally     your     first     breath     is     a     noisy     one          ,          wailing     and     crying     and     oh          ,          how     they     adore     you     already          !          adoration     seeps     into     your     bones     from     the     first     time     mother     holds     you          ,          presses     a     kiss     to     your     head     and     breathes     in     that     lavender         ,         fresh     -     linen     new     baby     smell          .          from     that     very     first     moment     love     is     ingrained     into     every     single     pore          ;          love     is     what     you     breathe          ,          what     you     feed     on          ,          what     you     see     the     world     through          .          your     mother     and     father     are     almost     sickeningly     in     love          ,          true     dotage     in     its     finest     form     and     later     in     life     you     suppose     you’re     lucky     to     have     grown     up     with     such     a     wonderful     idea     of     what     true     romance     is     meant     to     look     like          .          they     love     each     other          ,          and     they     love     you          .

childhood     is     wonderful          ,          if     you’re     perfectly     honest          .          it’s     a     blur     of     ice     cream     at     fancy     parlours     after     your     mother     picks     you     up     from     school          ,          renting     movies     and     getting     wonderful     takeaway     and     laughing     until     your     sides     ache          .          it’s     freshly     -     laundered     uniforms     that     just     look     so     damn     precious          ,          school     ties     in     immaculate     windsor     knots          .          (          schools     are     all     catholic          ,          of     course          ;          some     things     die     hard          ,          but     your     mother     and     father’s     commitment     to     their     faith     dies     harder          .          )          church     on     sunday     mornings          ,          followed     by     brunch     and     a     movie          /          picturesque          ,          absolutely     perfect          .          ignore     the     paparazzi     trailing     behind     you          ,          though          .          ignore     the     fact     that     despite     everything          ,          a     childhood     dripping     with     luxury     and     privilege     is     not     really     a     normal     childhood          .          normal     children     don’t     dress     in     such     expensive     clothes     in     their     free     time          ,          normal     children     don’t     understand     the     complete     and     utter         hedonism     that     you’re     enabled          .          

it’s     only     a     matter     of     time     before     you     find     your     calling          ,          though          .          you     are     fourteen          ,          already     a     gangly     mess     of     too     -     long     limbs     and     charming     smile     and     curls     that     melt     even     the     iciest     of     glares          .          you’ve     sat     in     the     backs     of     theatres     while     your     mother     rehearses     for     your     entire     life          ,          and     stepping     into     the     harsh     spotlight     itself     feels     like     home     in     a     way     you     can’t     possibly     describe     in     either     of     the     tongues     that     crowd     your     mouth          .          your     first     performance     is     macbeth          ,          and     you     dominate     like     nothing     else          ,          tragic     figure     with     a     mouth     of     steel          .          for     the     next     few     years     of     your     high     school     education     you     always     score     the     leading     role          ,          not     through     anything     but     the     sheer     force     of     your     talent          .          acting     is     second     nature     to     you          ,          a     comfortable     set     of     skins     you     fall     into     like     it’s     nothing          ,          like     they’re     nothing          .

sixteen     when     you     get     your     first     gig     ,     a     guest     appearance     in     some     established     police     procedural     ,     but     it’s     a     rush     like     nothing     else     .     one     gig     leads     to     another     ,     and     another     ,     and     another     !     it’s     not     until     you’re     hired     by     netflix     to     do     their     biggest     hit     ,     some     then     -     untitled     sci     -     fi     horror     80s     thing     ,     that     you     take     off     like     nothing     else     and     god     ,     it’s     like     nothing     you’ve     ever     known     .     blockbusters     are     offered     to     you     after     your     second     season     airs     ,     you     find     yourself     in     cameos     in     fucking     marvel     movies     ,     &     yet     nothing’s     quite     as     thrilling     as     horror     .     something     crawls     under     your     skin     the     first     day     you     shoot     stranger     things     ,     and     it’s     stuck     ever     since          ;          you     make     a     good     archetype     ,     the     dopey     yet     helpful     boyfriend     ,     the     white     knight     .     you’re     barely     nineteen     when     you     decide     what     your     avenue     is     and     make     a     conscientious     decision     to     stick     to     it     .

and     now          ?          your     imdb     page     glitters     ,     cacophany     of     roles     quite     unlike     each     other     ,     bad     guy     and     good     guy     and     killer     and     saviour     ,     all     crammed     in     together     .     didn’t     think     you     had     time     but     somewhere     you     met     someone     ,     fell     in     love     ,     started     dating     ,     all     that          ;          but     that     bleeding     ,     genuine     heart     of     yours     can’t     be     contained     ,     falls     in     love     five     times     a     day     ,     catches     itself     upon     the     hooks     of     others     and     impulse     control     is     a     long     -     forgotten     acquaintance     .     newspapers     call     you     a     heartbreaker     ,     but     you     never     break     hearts          ;          you     simply     leave     your     scent     on     bedsheets     and     heartbeats     alike     ,     prettiest     kind     of     ghost     .     sometimes     you     play     up     the     ‘     arrogant     heartbreaking     dipshit     ’     spiel     for     interviews     but     with     you     ,     what     you     see     is     what     you     get     :     passionate     ,     driven     ,     emotional     .     a     fervour     .     a     lover     ,     a     romantic     ,     altruistic     kinds     of     chaos     .     the     prettiest     kind     of     confusion     ,     all     wrapped     up     under     that     surname     .     oh     darling     ,     you’re     the     nicest     kind     of     sweet     nightmare     and     you     don’t     even     know     it     .

𝔩𝔞𝔶𝔢𝔯     𝔣𝔬𝔲𝔯     .          wanted     connections          .

the     committed     relationship     .

the     string     of     lovers     he’s     been     seeing     .

exes     ,     on     any     kinds     of     terms     .

school     friends     from     forever     ago     .

co     -     stars     .

rivals     !!!!

literally     anything     PLEASE

[ryqoshay]

How did u think of the username ryqoshay?

The tl;dr version is that I was tired of Ricochet typically being taken in the games I was playing years ago and decided to rework it into something a bit more unique. And she grew into something more.

The full story will be under the cut as my trips down nostalgia lane tend to run long.

Ricochet started off as a character I created for a story I was writing years ago based on games I played as a child. The games were not electronic, rather based around physical toys and the characters and events were made up on the spot by my friend and I.

While our games generally focused on battles and conflict between two established groups, the story I decided to write focused more on the characters of the protagonist group and their interactions. Worth mentioning here that the focus group was a crew of mercenaries as it will come into play later. I realized that the current cast was comprised mainly of front line fighters and wanted to flesh out the team with some back line and support members; medical, recon, intel, etc.

Enter Ricochet. I liked the idea of taking a stereotypical stoic and battle-hardened sniper character and turning it on its head by making a hyperactive, adorable little girl. A character whose slightly warped idea of cute included heavy weaponry and thus treated her gun like a teddy bear, even going so far as bringing it to bed with her.

The name itself had a dual meaning as it referred both to how she was always “bouncing off the walls” and an intentionally ironic reference to a typically undesirable outcome for a sniper. Her given name at the time was Rebecca; Becky is fine, but don’t call her Becca or Reba.

I don’t recall if I addressed her parents in this iteration, but Rico entered the team under the care of Tackleberry. Yes, that Tackleberry; he was my friend’s favorite character from Police Academy, though I believe what I’ve turned him into maintains only the name and obsession with weapons. I already had him as the former legal guardian of another character, so I figured giving him someone new to oversee would be fine.

Then I stopped writing that story. And it remains on indefinite hiatus to this day.

City of Heroes was released and a friend convinced me to join. I was drawing a blank in character development when I stumbled across the Assault Rifle/Devices build and Rico jumped up out of my memories. The name Ricochet was taken so I tacked on -chan to the end as I was quite addicted to anime by this point in my life. This also gave me the excuse to weeb out and insert random Japanese words into her speech patterns as her linage was now half Japanese and half U.S. born Caucasian.

I designed a diminutive, blonde girl sporting high twintails and a dark purple flak jacket  outfit with black accents. Her short backstory described a her as having two heroes for parents and wanting to live up to her family legacy. And as said parents were still around, Tack dropped out of the picture.

I liked Rico so much I started translating her over to other games as well as using her name in my overall online presence, as small as it was then. Ricochet itself was pretty much always taken, so I often had to modify the name in some way, be it by adding -chan or shortening it to Rico or whatever.

Then came the game changer; City of Villains. It came as no surprise that Ricochet was taken, but I was getting tired of using -chan and my other methods, so I decided to create something new. This would be the first time I used Ryqoshay, an intentional misspelling of Ricochet for a character.

Since CoV allowed a short backstory like its predecessor, I knew I had to come up with an in-universe reason for the name change; I also still fancied myself a writer, even though I hadn’t really written much in a while. I figured a villain might do well with a more tragic backstory than a hero, so I offed her parents. The character limit didn’t allow for specifics on the where, when, why and how, but I made sure to mention that she took the first letter of their names - Yuri and Quentin - to rename herself Ryqoshay.

It was at this point, Ryqo also finally received a family name, Bouteillevoix, and with it, a change in linage to half Japanese and half French. I don’t recall the specifics of how I settled on Bouteillevoix iteself, but I do remember liking the dissonance of an outspoken character bearing a name meaning “bottle voice” as if it were to be contained in some way.

For her aestetic design, I swapped out the black for white in her outfit to use the Dark Is Not Evil and Light Is Not Good tropes; dark purple remained, however. This also meant her hair went from blonde to black. And her twintails went from high to low in an attempt to appear a bit more mature, though she maintained her high energy personality.

Also, while not mentioned in her in-game bio, Tack was able to reenter the picture as a Commando, the highest level Summon of Ryqo’s Mastermind power set.

While I wasn’t actively writing stories about her, I was certainly fleshing her out as a character with notes and whatnot. Quentin and Yuri also got some attention as I ended up designing alternate dimension versions of them for me to play. And as the alt-oholic I am in MMORPGs, I also came up with some alternate dimension versions of Ryqo herself; Ryqoshot, a lonewolf gunslinger using the Corrupter’s Assault Rifle power set and Ryqoaraignée, an Arachnos Crab Spider build who was more closely aligned with Arachnos than her other versions.

With all of the alts I was creating, I decided to use the game’s guild mechanics to pass stuff among them. Thus, Ryqo’s Roughnecks was born, named after Rico’s Roughnecks of Starship Troopers fame. Joining members included L4t3ncy_0, a mechanical Mastermind; Recipere, -  Rx for short - a thug Mastermind who kept her crew alive with healing powers; Yozakura, a ninja Stalker serving as Ryqo’s bodyguard and Vivian Sexon, a dual-wielding Brute and villainous translation of a dual-wielding Scrapper from my CoH days.

Not long after, a friend invited me to join a game of D&D. The team needed a door kicker so I brought in Vivian as a brutish barbarian with a split personality, Sanguine, taking control when she raged. My intended two paragraph introduction quickly turned into two pages, which eventually turned into twenty and started translating over other Roughnecks; Ryqo included.

Ryqo dropped her sniper rifles in favor of a more theme appropriate bow and arrow. L4t3ncy_0′s call sign was changed to Nullsiver Luna and she became an artificer who struggled against the world’s tech limits. Recipere, not surprisingly, took on the role of a cleric. Yozakura kept her ninja trappings, but started playing by the Bodyguard Crush trope as I was deep into yuri shipping at that point thanks to the likes of Lucky Star and others.

Even after the game stalled out, I continued to work with the DM to build their world in which all of their games took place. The Roughnecks gained a permanent place in the timeline, extending both before and after Ryqo’s time as their leader, as well as a permanent base of operations, which eventually grows into a full fledged township later at the behest of Ryqo (spoilers should I ever get around to posting these stories.)

My online presence was growing and with it, Ryqo. She became my main when I returned to WoW, a Blood Elf Hunter running around with a giant Devilsaur as a pet; yes, she would think it was cute. (She was changed to Human when I followed by guild to another server that needed more Alliance players.) My Demon Hunter main in Diablo 3 was named Ryqoshay, as a surprise to absolutely none of my friends at the time.

Aion was a strange exception insofar as I wasn’t fond of the Ranger class for my primarily solo playstyle. I still made said ranger and of course named her Ryqoshay, but my main in that game was a Chanter known as Ameliorator, a more fanciful version of MedKit, the character for whom Tack was a legal guardian in the story mentioned above. However, I still played out the Ryqo persona on the forums because I enjoyed it and I’d long forgotten Med/Ame’s personality from that old story.

When Love Live started to take over my life and I found Sukutomo, I went with Ryqoshay as my screen name for reasons I don’t fully recall. I started this tumblr account as a way to post some “Idolsona” stuff where I translated Ryqo into a LL style idol, along with Yoza, Luna and a newer Roughneck, Flash Pyre. And when I started writing my fics, it was easy to use the account I already had here and then keep the name when I went over to AO3.

Hindsight being 20/20, I probably should have chosen Nico as my primary icon, as her appearance is closer to Ryqo’s than Maki’s, even if she wears her twintails high like Rico instead of Ryqo’s low tails. Neither Nico nor Maki have grey eyes as I’ve given Ryqo, so that wouldn’t fit, but none of the LL characters do thus far. That said, Maki prefers purple more than Nico and Ryqo isn’t much a fan of pink, so maybe that played into things? Perhaps someday I will commission one of my favorite artists to draw Ryqo as I envision her and start using her as my avatar, someday… maybe.

Also worth mentioning that NicoMaki has had a heavy influence on how I envision Ryqo and Yoza, and vice versa. Heck I’ve directly translated some NicoMaki doujin into scenes for my D&D story and sprinkled some RyqoYoza stuff into HtHaN. With HtHaM being a more D&D’ish setting, I may very well steal some stuff from my D&D story for it. Perhaps Luna or Vivian might make an appearance? I’ve already referenced Ryqo when Maki remembers hearing stories of an 11 year old girl taking over a mercenary guild. As always, I shall follow where my µ’s muse leads.

In conclusion, while Maki - with Nico very close behind - may hold a position as my favorite fictional character not created by me, Ryqo easily tops that position as my favorite overall; yes, the fact that I created her absolutely factors into this bias. There are reasons I don’t bring her up often - beyond using her as a screen name, posting through her persona on a few forums and the Idolsona thing - not the least of which include a fear of her being labeled a self-insert or Mary Sue or whatever, as I’ve seen some decidedly distasteful reactions to such characters online. But there is also the fact that the bulk of her development has been within a world not designed by me, but by one of my DMs, and I would want to ensure they would be fine with me posting stuff about said world; I’m sure they would be fine, but I haven’t gotten around to asking. Perhaps someday, I might post more about Ryqo. Perhaps writing more of HtHaM will inspire me to take my D&D story off hiatus, dust it off and have a talk with my DM about posting it. In the meantime, I will continue to use her namesake for my online and in-game presence because she is a character I hold very dear.

If you’ve read this far, thank you for joining me in my journey through nostalgia. And I hope this sufficiently addresses Anon’s question.

[kootenaygoon]

So,

At first, I was nervous about tackling news stories. 

I knew the stakes from my summers at the Whitehorse Star, had seen how small fuck-ups could have large consequences. Telling someone else’s story is a huge privilege, a power you have over them, and it can be intoxicating. But if you do it wrong, you will hear about it. I preferred the lighter elements of the job, like taking pictures at the Pride Parade or typing up an exhaustive feature on the Capitol Theatre’s production of Chicago. I was a hype machine, excitedly Photoshopping my images and then sprawling back in my desk chair with the newly printed paper’s pages flung open to reveal my handiwork. I floated through the summer of 2014 high on the experience of it all, letting myself fall in love with each new artist I interviewed.

Some people believed the proliferation of artists in the Nelson area was thanks to the town being situated on a bed of magical quartz, but I figured it was more a case of kindreds being attracted to one another. People were looking for a life less ordinary, far from the city. Most locals had some sort of regular job and then spent the remainder of their time investing in creative endeavours, whether that meant painting a mural, starting a food truck or playing in an 80s cover band called Val Kilmer and the New Coke. I started learning the names of local authors, meeting up with poet Tom Wayman and short story writer Myler Wilkenson. I wrote a feature about a photographer named Ryan Oakley who had crowd-funded a book called Humans of Nelson, based on the viral hit Humans of New York. It featured daily portraits of people he met during his lunch breaks, along with a pithy quote that captured their essence. One young singer named Anilah had just landed her Enya-esque tracks on some TV show, a spoken word poet named Magpie Ulysses was releasing a chapbook and a popular saxophonist named Clinton Swanson was playing relentless gigs around town. I giddily funnelled their stories on to Facebook and Twitter, where I obsessively watched the engagement numbers climb. Within a month or two our web presence had exploded, and pretty soon Calvin was bragging that we had the best social media numbers in the Kootenays.

But every now and then, things got dark. The first heavy story that landed on my desk involved a quartet of teenagers who had gone missing the day before I arrived in town. It was eventually discovered that they’d commandeered a canoe and gone adventuring right into a windstorm on Slocan Lake—a body of water so enormous it almost looks like the ocean in places. Authorities were able to recover the canoe pretty quickly, and found a young girl near death. Though they rushed her to medical services, she died in the hospital. There was no trace of the others, three dudes ranging in age from late teens to early twenties. The grief was heavy in the community, and right away I felt it settle in my chest — a clenched fist of empathy. I interviewed the RCMP as they conducted a large-scale search, checking in each day to hear if there was anything to report. At one point it looked like they were going to call it off, but then the families hired a husband-wife duo from the U.S. who had a submersible specially designed for these sorts of retrievals. Within a few days they’d located the boys, down in the darkness, and dragged them back up into the light. I shuddered when I thought of how they must’ve looked after that long underwater, after being cradled to the surface with a claw. The people I interviewed talked about the closure that brought to the families, and I quoted various people silver lining it, but it was the sort of tragedy that was so random it felt cruel on a cosmic level. Like a deity reaching down from heaven to smudge out a few people with his thumb.

“We cannot presume what happened. Our best speculation is misadventure. It wasn’t a very big canoe,” RCMP officer Darryl Little told me. 

“It was more of a swift water canoe than a lake canoe. There wasn’t much space below the gunnels and we figure the wind came up and that was it.”

During those weeks I kept running into people who knew the kids, and saw the impact plain on their heartbroken faces. One woman burst into tears while I was renewing my car insurance. I decided to interview the school district psychologist, Dr. Todd Kettner, to get his insights into the community’s grief process. We met at Lakeside Park and shot a video of him sitting on a park bench, calling out the provincial government and Premier Christy Clark. They had docked his pay during the teacher’s strike, right while he was in the midst of putting in overtime to coordinate a critical incident crisis management plan for the Slocan community. He was the only psychologist for the district, which according to him was chronically under-funded. For him it wasn’t about the dollars they took off his cheque, it was the overall neglect rural schools were receiving that really set him off. In an online open letter that went viral around the province he laid out some of the routine cases he was dealing with from day to day, underlining the ways the community was failing to support students with mental health issues.

“I was awakened Sunday morning by a phone call informing me that a student at one of the 21 schools I’m responsible for was on life support in ICU after an accidental drug overdose,” he wrote.

“Monday morning, while continuing to support the staff at the school where the hospitalized student learns, a dedicated and caring school administrator and I were informed that we were needed at another school to help the staff there prepare to gently inform their students that their classmates’ parent had been killed in a tragic accident.”

Kettner was eventually reimbursed for his pay cut, but didn’t see any change at an institutional level. At the end of the day he was still doing his job the best way he could in seemingly impossible circumstances. In the newsroom Tamara filled me in on the realities of SD8, and the issues were deeply systemic. The whole system was cash-starved because the undeclared income of the cannabis industry meant that, on paper, it was the poorest district in the province. The local high school was past capacity, there were multiple elementary schools that should have been demolished years ago, and sitting through board meetings meant hearing about financial snafus of the highest order.

“Those school board meetings, Will? Worst part of my job, easy. You wouldn’t believe how boring they are. All the ‘motion to accept this’ and ‘motion to accept that’. Makes me want to blow my brains out,” she said.

“The key is, you have to get to know the trustees, the superintendent. Once you have them as a connection, they can pretty much talk you through anything.”

“You think the strike will last much longer?”

“Shit, I don’t know. Those teachers are pissed, and they’re not going to back down.”

Around this time I came to an instinctive conclusion about the type of reporter I wanted to be: not aloof, or unfeeling, but the type that engages to an almost scary degree. If I was going to write a story, I wanted to understand it on a far deeper level than I needed for the paper, I wanted to be the guy in town that was the ultimate expert on that topic — right down to its human nuances.

The story commanding my most fervid attention was the trial of Andrew Stevenson, the bank robber that Cass had told me about. Calvin, Tamara and I spent a good half an hour scouring through Facebook trying to find a photo of him and his co-accused, Krista Kalmikoff, so we could have something to illustrate Greg’s stories about the court hearings. We were unsuccessful. The guy was being charged with seven robberies over the course of about six months, of both banks and pharmacies. The NPD had identified addiction as the driving force behind the crimes, and had been able to predict the exact day of his last robbery: April 25, 2014. In my free time I interrogated anyone who knew anything about what happened, picking up scraps of information here and there. A drunk woman at a party described seeing him come careening out of the bank’s parking lot on a bike, cutting in front of city hall and hurtling down towards the lake as cops sprinted after him. I wanted, so badly, to know what this guy looked like. Calvin sent me down to the court to get a shot of him walking in handcuffed—a goon shot—but then it turned out he was appearing by video link. Foiled!

As I got to know the NPD cops, attending one of their award ceremonies, I met a soft-spoken sergeant named Nate Holt. He had thickly muscled arms, a neatly trimmed blond beard and spiky hair that was nearly white. Not only was he holding an award for bravery, he was also one of the guys who was at the bridge that day, with Andrew Stevenson's stolen money raining down from the tree like confetti. I pictured the bank robber squirming on the rocks, trying to crawl away, while they descended on him like blue wraiths. The thing about Nate was you could feel the toll his work took on him, and you could see it in the way he carried himself. He was piggy-backing a lot of sadness. One suicidal dude came at him with a butcher knife and Nate didn’t even pull his gun. No, he got close enough to tackle him in a bear-hug, wrestle the knife out of his grip and save both of their lives. Sometimes I thought about those two men, rolling on the Baker Street sidewalk in that guy’s blood, while shocked residents looked on. I couldn’t believe that someone could have an experience like that and return to work the next day. But that’s exactly what he did.

Before Paisley moved into our new place, Muppet and I got a few days of lackadaisical meandering. I took her to Kaslo May Days with me, slaloming along the highway up Kootenay Lake in a state of giddy bliss, thinking yes I think I made the right decision while I gazed out at the water. I spotted a weird gargoyle sculpture on top of a house on Front Street, and wondered to myself what the deal was there. I spent a lot of time wandering through parks with my camera, approaching strangers and asking to take their photos. Cass would later jokingly call these spreads “All the people Will met at the park the other day”. Eventually I decided I had to see this bridge Andrew Stevenson jumped off, so I got on the highway out to Castlegar and went looking for it. We turned off the highway and followed a switch-back down to the Columbia River, just a few kilometres up from a massive hydroelectric dam. I parked at one end of the bridge and walked Muppet out across the dusty concrete to the middle so we could see the spot it happened. It was a clear, sunny afternoon, and I eventually identified the small cedar he’d attempted to jump into. Below was nothing but a rocky slope to the river, twenty feet further on. This was where it all ended for him, after evading the cops six times. Maybe it was the new pot I was smoking, or maybe it was something else, but I was feeling an electric need to understand this story. I’d been struggling for years on a novel that wasn’t coming along, partially because I was finding it difficult to invent new parts of the narrative, but here was a true fucking story that I could actually throw my weight into. I stood there for a long time, while cars rocketed by in the distance and wind hurtled through the canyon. The air smelled delicious.

I stood there drinking a Slurpee while Muppet panted happily.

The Kootenay Goon

[novantinuum]

random trollhunters au concept:

imagine... a sort of tarzan scenario

both jim’s parents died when he was a baby in some troll fight related incident

kanjigar realizes the humans who died had an infant, and ends up taking him back with him to trollmarket out of some sense of duty- his parents died because of his actions, so it was his responsibility to take care of the whelp.

and so jim’s raised among the trolls for all his childhood, trying to prove himself as strong and capable like all the others

blinky and aaarrrgghh end up as his primary parental figures, since they were the most willing to look after the boy. vendel also becomes quite fond of him, against his best wishes. 

come to think of it, jim would probably have a different name- since he was only an infant when the trolls took him in and couldn’t like, remember what his parents called him. i’ll have to think of what that might be...

jim honestly believes he’s a troll until he’s like four, at which blinky sits him down and fully explains both his human lineage and how he came to live with them. jim never feels like he doesn’t belong in trollmarket since that’s all he’s known his whole life, but for some time after this he does begin to pick up more on how some trolls treat him different, a little... more delicately. from this point on he becomes desperate to prove himself as “just as strong and capable as any other troll”

blinky, being a historian of all worlds, definitely smuggles in human literature and artifacts to show jim, and teaches him both troll and human history

jim is fluent in both english (which the trolls in america picked up over time for everyday speak) and trollish

jim knows the sunlight can’t truly turn him to stone, but since he’s lived with the trolls all his life it’s now unconscious habit to never let any part of him touch the light. he’s been outside in day very rarely. the last time he did he got a really bad sunburn and then became paranoid that his skin flaking off was the first sign of sunstain so he’s not eager to do it again

jim’s presence in trollmarket and need for... well, human food... introduces many of the trolls to new flavors and cuisine. especially sweets. that being said, jim’s probably eaten socks before and liked this. his taste pallet is WEIRD.

draal is kinda that “too strong-headed to admit he actually cares for you” older brother type to jim

i imagine jim would keep his hair a bit longer. it’s a bit more unkempt and windswept.

around 14, a bit of a rift grows between jim and his two troll guardians, and jim grows obsessed with figuring out who his birth parents are. he finds out who they are eventually from old newspaper articles about their tragic “accident,” and even discovers his own birth name. however, knowing can’t bring them back. and anyways, why would he want to live in the human world when a life among the trolls is all he’s known? this incident leads him to grow a deeper appreciation for what he has, and ultimately strengthens his bond with both blinky and aaarrrgghh as well. 

at fifteen, jim is called by the amulet to take up the mantle of trollhunter

since he’s lived among trolls for all his life, nobody’s concerned about his human lineage- he might as well be a troll at this point to them- but more his age. to trolls, 15 is barely anything.

draal becomes upset as in canon, but it’s a bit more painful and personal here because up until now they’ve regarded each other as brothers.

i’ll add on later- jim first runs into toby fairly soon after becoming trollhunter