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irregularbillcipher · 1 year

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I'm so curious if you have any thoughts on this because I sometimes think about scenarios where the Henchmaniacs come across Bill post-canon: How would Kryptos feel about finding out Bill's alive, potentially without power, potentially not even with his usual goal anymore if some time has passed and character development has happened?

Oh god do I have thoughts about this, to the point where "we need to toss Andy in here somewhere" was a running conversation between me and a friend in all our "Bill gets redeemed and has a stupid human form" aus, even the silly jokey MLP one.

So for my particular Kryptos characterization... he's been looking for him. Time works weirdly in the Nightmare Realm, imo, so even if Bill only took a few years or whatever to reform, it was ages for him.

The Henchmaniacs kinda split-- a few of them were genuinely friends with each other and stuck together, but Andy was insistent on staying right where they were spit out post-Weirdmageddon. The others, depending on how fair-weather their friendships were to Bill, joined him for a while but like... eventually they called it. He's not coming back, man, and if he actually survived and wasn't immediately tossed back into the Nightmare Realm, he sure as hell wouldn't come back here on our accounts. Yeah, Kryptos, not even you-- IDK why you think thirty years in a shit dimension matters all that much to him, but you're not special. (This uh. Started a fight, and not the type of fight that the Henchmaniacs think are a Good Time.)

Pyronica stuck by him for a little while-- partially because she was second closest to Bill and did hope he was coming back, partially out of pity because Andy was a mess-- c'mon, let's get getcha some Time Punch, we can at least have some fun while we're waiting-- but after a few centuries she dipped too. It was a "Tell me if he comes back, let me know if you need anything," type thing, but she left and Andy cussed her out for it.

They're still in the Nightmare Realm, obviously, but Bill was sort of the glue that held them together. Some of them are working on their own solutions to escape, some are just hoping to party until it kills them. They're scattered-- some of them still hang out, Teeth and 8-Ball still spend a lotta time together, Pyronica and Keyhole still go out for drinks, everyone still likes Xanthar-- but they're not a united group anymore.

I've also played around with the idea that the reason the Nightmare Realm was a prison was to keep Bill in, that someone with some degree of power like the Oracle or Time Baby, (probably not the Axolotl but maybe them) had basically stuffed Bill in to mitigate the harm he was doing, and the Henchmaniacs and every other person in the Realm was basically a casualty. With that idea in mind, the Nightmare Realm might eventually just open up a little once Bill is gone, and the Henchmaniacs might have a chance to leave.

In that case, then, all of them do. Some of them take longer than others-- the ones who actually liked Bill, liked what the group had-- but they all dip. They're not stupid enough to stick around a dying dimension for a guy that used to blow things up when he was mad.

Y'know, except Andy.

I've made a few joking jabs about Kryptos and Bill being weirdly codependent, but I do genuinely characterize them that way, especially Andy. The poor guy has known Bill since they were eight years old. He has stuck by Bill since they were stupid mortal middle schoolers in a crapsack dimension with nobody else who even liked them. He's been around this guy for trillions of years, and they've really never spent any extended time apart-- it's not exactly healthy, sure, but they have one of the longest relationships that any two beings have literally ever had. He genuinely has no idea what to do without Bill. The only period of his life where Bill wasn't in it was a pretty miserable, lonely early childhood. The other Henchmaniacs almost certainly had some sort of life without Bill-- Andy doesn't have any idea of what an okay life without Bill looks like.

If the Nightmare Realm has opened up, he eventually leaves, too, mostly to look for some sort of evidence that Bill might still out there, where he might be. If the Realm doesn't open up, he stays where he is, and tries to get the gang together again to help. He keeps insisting that Bill has to be alive because he's still alive-- Bill was the one who kept him immortal, he's the one who kept you ungrateful jerks immortal-- but even the ones who might agree still don't know what the hell to do to find him.

Either way, he ends up trying to contact the Axolotl. He doesn't necessarily know about Bill being able to call upon them, but he knows about their existence from Bill, knows they're powerful, knows they don't seem to hate Bill like everyone else who might have answers does, and he's desperate.

I like to think that Frills would talk to him. Kryptos isn't their Special Little Man like Bill is, but they're compassionate, and they can probably extend that compassion to another sad little being who got caught up in all this mess, especially one who technically has less blood on his hands then Bill.

Truly? In Kryptos' case? If he finds out that Bill is powerless and goalless now?

He doesn't care.

Now, some of the other Henchmaniacs would, absolutely, this isn't just an "aw, all Bill's terrible horrible demon friends just love him even if he's powerless <3" because that is... NOT the case.

But Andy? He became Bill's friend when Bill was less than powerless, a loudmouthed Equilateral, (straight up Irregular in my headcanon,) with no real goals or achievements under his belt. If anything, in their old dimension? Andy had the power-- he had class privilege above Bill. The only way you can headcanon he didn't have privilege over Bill is if you hc Bill as perfectly Regular and Kryptos as Irregular, which I don't. And even so, even if that is your headcanon, Bill would still not have been at all a powerful person. if Andy was trying to befriend someone for personal gain, Bill would not have been the person to schmooze to.

And they still got to the point where they were close enough that Andy is the only person Bill felt was worth keeping alive in that whole dimension. They were friends before Bill gained any type of power.

Andy befriended Bill back when he had nothing to gain. Bill wouldn't have kept him around because he was an opportunist sucking up to him, hoping to be spared from the end of the world-- just ask Preston Northwest.

Andy had to have become friends with Bill-- a powerless, annoying, opinionated Equliateral salesman-- because he genuinely wanted to be friends with him. There's no other good reason for him to have been buddies with someone outside his caste, and there's no real reason for Bill to have actually thought he was worth saving.

Now, this isn't to say that Andy isn't an absolute freak who thoroughly enjoyed all the chaos and horrors and mess that Bill caused, this isn't to say he wasn't like, snorting stardust in the Fearamid bathroom and eating galaxies or whatever. Andy liked being powerful, he liked being shitty. He had fun with it!

But when he first tagged along with Bill, after Flatland burned, it wasn't because Bill was a god. It was 'cause Bill was Bill. And weird as this all is, Bill's still Bill.

I mean, there's an adjustment period with Bill's new form if he's able to actually meet him, not just find out how he's doing-- an adjustment period with HIS new form too, if he also gets shoved into a fleshsack.

(If Bill is basically his Flatlander self, on the other hand, I imagine Andy is horrified. Not because he's powerless, but because... they turned you back into this? It just feels cruel. If he's also in a Flatlander form, he's more than a little panicked about it, he probably feels a little sick. He needs paint on him, stat, and he doesn't care about the color. Bill needs it too. Yellow and blue would be preferable, but they'll take anything, honestly.)

And once Andy realizes he's fine, (if they're in human form,) he can finally joke about how stupid and goofy these new forms are. You know, he's still gonna put his friend on blast a little.

There might also be some frustration, some, "... Could you have let me know you were okay? I spent all this time waiting and looking... did you even try to look for me?" I'm sure there's a lot of emotions he wants to work through.

If Bill has had some character development, maybe he'd be willing to have some of those talks... which I think would be both very nice and very confusing to Andy. Kryptos was never scared of Bill, and they were probably more open with each other than Bill was with most people, but Bill's still Bill so genuine emotion talk wasn't exactly something they did. There were probably subjects-- namely home-- that Andy just sort of knew not to bring up with him, and the idea that those subjects might be open to sort of talking about is a little weird and scary.

Also just... Bill was a shitty person. Still is, even if he's been potentially working on it, and frankly, Andy is a shitty person too. A lot of these AUS ended up being summed up as "two shitty Flatlanders learn to be a little less shitty together." They definitely bitch and moan about it along the way, Kryptos complains that he can't drink arsenic or do taxidermy on alien cadavers anymore-- y'know, he still misses being an immortal freak, and Bill complains even more-- but hey, this is a redemption AU, so they improve a little. Probably don't become good people, but I'll settle for lukwarm.

(Also, maybe Andy finds a friend or two that aren't Bill, and aren't connected to Bill. Probably never gonna break that codependency entirely after three trillion years, but this is everybody's self improvement arc! You can still hang out with your boyfriend but go bowling with someone or something, man.)

#sorry this is an insane disjointed au essay about an oc basically but!#as for how bill would feel about not knowing where andy is: the answer is bill is still crappy and selfish but he does feel bad #he has also lived his entire life with kryptos being Around and it feels weird to be without him #plus if he lost his powers... well i always figured he was the one keeping his gang alive #so without his powers he has no idea if they're okay which would be... upsetting i think. tres not to dwell on it #but when he DOES think about it he's. upset.#bill would still be a jackass at some point during their reunion i'm SURE but if he got to see kryptos again #i like to think it would be a genuine relief that he was still around too

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risu5waffles · 1 year

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TEN Levels Enter

TEN levels also leave, after having their fill of tea and cakes. C'mon, we're not running the Thunderdome over he-ah.

youtube

b-coli's a creator i knew way in the back-and-back, and when he dropped a comment on one of my episodes, it was, like, "oh, yeah! b-coli! Gotta grab one of his." This might not have been the best of the lot, but it was his first, and that's kind of special, isn't it? It's clearly designed for multiplayer, wiv one player handling the driving, and one the shooting, and two sleds for teams. Unfortunately, that does make for a bit more of a slog going through solo. Still, it's got that first level enthusiasm, and i always love to see that.

youtube

Talked about this one a little when we talked about Platforming Perils, but it is really, really good. Just enough of a challenge to make you sweat a bit, but not really anything that's going to stress a player out. Like in PP, there are a number of classic, HARD(tm) obstacles in a much more forgiving form, and i could see it being good as learner level for that kind of play.

youtube

i don't really get all that invested in how many views any of my episodes get. i've been doing this long enough that if that was a driving force for me, i'd have given up long ago. That being said, sometimes you run into a level that you really want to get eyes on, and the video sits at, like, 4 views forever. i just want to be, like, don't watch it for me, this is actually really cool, you gotta check it out! This is one of those kinds of levels. i was only really familiar wiv yomi-yomi through their association wiv Japan Music Collabo (who you should really check out, they did very solid music in LBP), and one level i played for the old series called "Cooking With Clumsiness." It was, if i may be perfectly honest, kind of shit. Imagine a level completely built wiv no glue, so everything is stacked together like Jenga. It was deeply, deeply frustrating. This one, tho'. It's a bit confusing at the beginning, figuring out just what yomi'd wanted me to do; but once i got the ball rolling, it was hella neat. Tons of little mechanical interactions, which always make my day. There are a few bits where some of the hiragana characters didn't load in, but otherwise, everything seemed to be working no problem. It's all just deeply cool.

youtube

i wish so hard that Zookey had set these up to be rideable wiv one player. i can see how that might have been difficult in LBP1, but still. As it is, they look neat, and i'm sure they're fun, but as a gallery level, it winds up feeling a bit lacklustre. At least they made a The Zipper. i used to love The Zipper when i was younger, and sometimes i have a hard time convincing people who've never experienced one that they actually really do (did? are they all gone now?) exist. i swear they're, like, specifically designed to sound like they're going to come unbolted at any second and kill everyone on board. Fucking loved these babies.

youtube

Eh. We talked about Rock Fire last Friday, and it continues to be Rock Fire today. Shame that.

youtube

i suppose i didn't have to play the full slate of these, but the servers were being a bitch, and i really needed to balance the playlist numbers, and, honestly, i was having a good time wiv them. i really liked the conceit of setting up a discrete set of levels that would all teach one particular gameplay bit, that would all tie together in a final level. The elemental theming was an obvious one to go wiv, and i think the levels pull off the presentation side of that quite well. That being said, i do think actual gameplay side of things wound up a bit lacking, and that was a shame. Like, it would have been easy to string together a number of different sections for each level, and really get the player cozy wiv what you were doing, and also just give a more robust experience to a player who might only bop into one of the levels by chance. As it is, unless you were set from the outset on playing the lot, i don't feel like any of the learning temples really sells the rest of the set. Still, it's interesting to see a creator grasping towards a concept that Sumo would eventually make good on wiv the Adventure Maps in LBP3.

--------------------------------------------- So that's our TEN this go about. i've really enjoyed spending some solid time wiv the real old school stuff these last few weeks. As much as i love LBP1, i probably spent the least time wiv its community levels, so this has been an experience. Once we finally pass episode 300, we'll probably starting seeing TENs weigh more heavily on LBP2 and 3 again. Gonna have to put a sticky note on the telly not to give LBP1 too short a shrift. The levels just get banged so hard by translation, and wiv the servers being a whole thing recently... i really, really hope Sumo gets its shite together, 'cause none of this bodes well.

#littlebigplanet #little big planet #lbp #lbp1 #lbp3 #LittleBite-sizedArchive #LBsA #Youtube

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dysphorie · 3 years

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fanfic 20 questions game

(I'm gonna answer this solely from my current ao3 account, rather than including my old account like i did last time)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

30!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

167,855

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Naruto, marvel (stucky), star wars (kylux), dc, slipknot, motionless in white, technically marilyn manson tho I tend to see those characters as independent contractors lmao

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Filth: kinktober 2019 (127)

The last temptation of chris (80)

See you in hell, boys (64)

Crash into me (60)

The lost art of keeping a secret (53)

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do, usually. Like i make a concerted effort to, but I've totally dropped the ball on my last fics and it's been so long that I don't feel like I can go back and reply to them now :/

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oh god. I write so many angsty endings. Probably "neckfreak" or "strange glue"

7. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

I'm gonna go with "of recklessness and water", and "see you in hell, boys"

8. Do you write crossovers? If yes, what’s the craziest thing you’ve written?

Eh, i think atm I've only really written slipknot x manson members, and none of that has been that crazy tbh, but i have a BIG crossover event coming in the future of a fic, and that's kinda exciting

9. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Uh aye, it's me we're talking about here lmao

10. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I basically exclusively write smut, and idk how to answer what kind. Like, the smutty kind?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Thankfully not (not a whole fic anyway), and if i ever did i would go absolutely tonto on whoever was stupid enough to try

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that i know of

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Hell yeah! All the time, mostly with @wolfbad! And i want to write with @incredizort again

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Ugh this changes all the damn time. But probably 4/7

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

One where chris has jim prisoner in his basement. I just...can't get a grip on it

16. What’s your writing strengths?

I write good porn apparently. Idk what else, answers on a postcard plz

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

(I'm leaving marina's answer here because yes same)

fucking pacing. also i can only write one thing in slightly different flavors but don't look at my fics too closely or you'll see they're all the same exact fic with various names plugged in

18. What’s your thought on writing dialogue in other languages in fic?

I wouldn't personally because i have exactly nil skill with languages other than english and i don't want to get things wrong, but like idc if other people do it

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Excluding the stuff i wrote in school that i didn't realise til recently counted as fanfic, it's naruto

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

"In another life", always

I tag @skin--slave @incredizort @wolfbad @ijustdontknowsometimes @acidtonguez and anyone else who wants to do it!

(And I'm leaving cady's comment at the bottom here)

If any of you ever have any questions about any of my fics, or want to ask questions about details in my AU's, please send me an ask! I would love to discuss further.

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

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Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: we forgot another one off the 💀💀💀 list Jimmy: you gonna stick or twist? Janis: 👊 me if you give a shit Janis: need all the ways at my disposal Jimmy: here you are then, hot glue gun Janis: 🤔 Janis: sounds like a bit of 💀👑 & 💀#2 if you take it to your 🗢 and slowly starve Janis: still leaning towards 🔪 personally Jimmy: Alright, I'll invite them over Jimmy: keep your jealousy in check, my dear Janis: Jealous of you or them? Jimmy: ain't goals either way Janis: Neither is you taking up crafting, tbh so Janis: why have you got a hot glue gun? Jimmy: these cotton wool balls won't stick themselves to a 👕 Jimmy: gotta get 'em on before 💀👑 and 💀#2 think I've put snacks on Janis: 🤢 Janis: new 😎 look? Janis: 👎 Jimmy: piss off, this 🥉💡's nowt to do with me Janis: Who's is it? Janis: they ain't wasting snacks Jimmy: dunno, some other dickhead online whose kid don't wanna be a 🐑 an' all Janis: Ohh Janis: one of the more creative nativity outfits too, unlucky Janis: no tinfoil 👑s or dubious tea towels Jimmy: still looks shit enough to make our kid 😭 Janis: and you ain't got enough days to ship a probably shittier version from China Janis: alright, hold on Jimmy: I get that you live in the middle of nowt but nicking a 🐑 for #inspo ain't gonna help Janis: yeah, way to ruin my fun Janis: but my ma has had enough kids to have some ideas so you owe me for how 🥱 but informative this will be Jimmy: be a right laugh for you, be another pet I didn't ask for and have to piss about with Janis: or sunday lunch Janis: pessimist Jimmy: he's 😭 already, dickhead Janis: and I thought you northerners were meant to be hard Janis: grim and that Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Janis: Anyway, you want me to surprise you with the 🥇💡 or do you just want the lowdown on where to go Jimmy: depends Janis: on? Jimmy: if I can unstick myself or need your 💪🏆 Janis: 😏 Janis: how about I get on the bus to town now Janis: and if you manage to deal with your sticky fingers before I get there, then you can go? Jimmy: how's your ankle? Janis: not even on the scale now Jimmy: might be after you've put your foot down 🚍💣 Janis: Keanu could untangle you in 90 minutes, I reckon Janis: easy Jimmy: he ain't been pissing about 🐕🏃 Jimmy: how many you done? Janis: loads Janis: 💸 'cos the gifts don't buy 'em selves and the 🐕 owners are too busy sticking cotton balls to t-shirts, clearly 🎄✨ Jimmy: nice one, Janet Jimmy: now I'LL have to keep my jealousy in check while you put your 🦶 up on some other 🚍 riding knobhead Janis: only fair Janis: especially as you've reminded me how rammed that fucking bus is gonna be now Jimmy: I'll give one of my 👮 mates a bell to get you a 🚔 escort, hang on Janis: 😍 the perks Janis: there had to be some Jimmy: 🤡 perks off you Jimmy: won't be no struggle getting yourself on that 🚍 however full it is Janis: I'm pretty flexible Janis: contortionist might be a bold claim but 💪🏆 Jimmy: but it ain't a proper flex til I say it Jimmy: 💔 for you Janis: that's a fake flex Janis: don't need you for nothing Jimmy: after what happened on the assault course it'd sound like a real pisstake Janis: 1. that's agility if it's anything 2. also your fault Jimmy: never said it weren't, just how it'd sound Janis: No need to tell me what it 🔊 like Janis: the DMs are on the up again, yeah? Janis: same Jimmy: tis the season Janis: cutting it a bit fine to get a decent gift out of it Janis: but I suppose the couply selfies you can take are a close 🥈 for them Jimmy: can't keep the receipt on chlamydia but you can blag you went somewhere nice for the hols Janis: girls are actually demented Janis: at least no lad is gonna try and put me in matching knitwear and make me meet his nan Jimmy: 🥇💡 idea though I'll get you a #goals gift that ain't a trip to the cemetery Janis: oh yeah Janis: I'll get you something as well, even though I'm not required to try as hard Jimmy: stick a 🎀 on yourself and have done Jimmy: what the rest of the lasses do Janis: yeah literally Janis: as long as I heavily imply I'm gonna suck your dick, all is well, all is #goals Jimmy: 👍 Janis: but if you don't do good that # is gonna be a read Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: even if you get out the glue after me Janis: you can come to the shops too Jimmy: I thought you were gonna say even if you give me the glue gun #regifted Janis: I mean Janis: not quite handcuffs Jimmy: fuck's sake babe, let me leave my work at work Janis: fine Janis: the 🚔 escort will as you won't Jimmy: you and your stolen 🐑 Jimmy: dead romantic, that Janis: I'm not from the middle of nowhere, tah Janis: 🐑shagging isn't a hobby Jimmy: back to the drawing board for our fake break up Janis: all the shite songs they pump out have plenty of inspo in 'em Jimmy: nowt I don't know about 🎄🎵 been forced to hear 'em since November Janis: 💔 gutted Jimmy: no chance of 🎻 Janis: how have you not fully lost it yet Janis: only a few days to go Jimmy: how'd you know I've not? Janis: I'd have heard of a mass shooting Janis: not that out of it Janis: also my sister wouldn't be about no more which would be a bigger giveaway Jimmy: 👻 letdowns Jimmy: worst I can do is rattle a few cups Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: I'm used to it Janis: the friendmas organisation is in full swing Janis: 🤡🔫 Jimmy: where's my invite? Janis: OMG, no boys allowed! 🚫 Janis: though bets on Mia breaking her own rule there just to torture Grace Jimmy: I'll 👗👠💄 and be a prettier lass than any of them Janis: 😍 what kind of fake gf would disagree Janis: aside from the fact that ain't a stretch on a good day Jimmy: tah Jimmy: when is it? Janis: [some day as close to xmas as you are allowed 'cos pretending we're such good mates like okay] Jimmy: alright Jimmy: 🖋🩸 Janis: like, no offence or anything, babes Janis: but I don't see you passing REALLY 😬 Janis: and even they might notice they've picked up another desperado Jimmy: 1. piss off would I not 2. call it my 🎁 seeing the look on 💀👑 when I bring her 🎄 cake Janis: it would be decent craic Janis: they never do it at ours though Jimmy: typical, that, can't get sodding rid the rest of the year Jimmy: have to get us an 💌 then, won't I Jimmy: hang on Janis: I get it Janis: you miss Asia Janis: don't think 💀👑 has 'em do team-building exercises 💔💔💔 Jimmy: yeah, cupid's arrow's got nowt on falling on your arse when the ground's near froze Jimmy: reminded me of home 😍😍😍 Janis: she's well considerate like that Janis: not so braindead after-all Jimmy: 🤞 Jimmy: don't wanna give 💀👑 the 🎁 of seeing I've had to flirt with her to crash their bollocks festivities Janis: can't play into her hands that hard Janis: keep your 😍😍😍 focused in the right direction Jimmy: 🚍 Janis: yes, this is your driver speaking Jimmy: be a 🚑 if your mum ain't cracked on to a way I can chuck this glue gun Janis: I've sorted it Janis: well my sister's shit taste in fashion helped Jimmy: usually get 💰 for 3rd degree burns, me Jimmy: how's that for a flex? Janis: You made a rod for your own back being the artsy one or what? Jimmy: weren't gonna let a 6 year old have a go, were I? Janis: and it's not Ian's thing Jimmy: dunno where he is Jimmy: might be work, might be the pub Jimmy: be a better shout to give it over to my sister, anger issues an' all, any road Janis: you can put it down and get yourself a drink now Janis: all I need you to have is a black marker, which I know you do Jimmy: #whenshereallygetsyou Jimmy: 🥃 cheers Janis: you know those sherpa jackets they all have Janis: makes them look like a giant 🧸 but not in the adorbs way they're hoping Janis: Penneys has loads of them, get a paper plate, glue it on the hood and colour it in black, cut another in half for the ears and ta-da Janis: and I'll just take the jacket so no need to pay me back Janis: only in favours, obviously Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: IOU enough 🚬 to send that cheap shite up in flames, I get it Janis: yeah, probably don't string some fairylights round his neck as well Janis: would've taken hers but it's almost pink and I reckoned that'd just make him 😭 more Jimmy: you'd have to nick them an' all for him to be in any danger Jimmy: and what kind of fake boyfriend would let you up on the neighbour's roof with that ankle Janis: you want some lights? Janis: it's the easiest shop to borrow from Janis: they must have some that aren't shaped like the 🍆 emoji or a fucking unicorn Jimmy: 💔 I ain't coming with, you've really sold it to me Janis: oh, duh Janis: you call it primark Janis: it's hell on earth, you'd love it Janis: when they ain't guzzling your over-priced coffee, they're getting fast fashion made by little slave kids 💖 so cute Jimmy: hang on, why the fuck do you call it something different? Jimmy: now I have to come, not gonna knit an ugly jumper myself and nan's 💀💀💀 Janis: adds to our delightful charm? I don't know Janis: imagine the atrocities Janis: I'm gonna find the best, by which I mean WORST, one Jimmy: I'll meet you there Jimmy: be enough dickheads to follow if I get lost Janis: follow the knock-off UGGs they've trashed in the rain and snow Jimmy: hot Jimmy: don't get enough wet 🐕 smell off of you as is or owt Janis: err fuck off Janis: I haven't even got a dog, you have Jimmy: I have nowt to do with it, you can't move for 🐕🐾💩 Janis: 1. I don't fucking smell, dickhead 2. you're well opposed to me showering so you'd have yourself to blame if I did Jimmy: I'll nick you a 🦽 and you can do what you like Jimmy: many cold 🚿 as you need, mate Janis: you just want me to freeze now Janis: and your ⛓ kink hasn't got any less blatant Jimmy: weren't the way you wanna 💀💀💀 Janis: It ain't Janis: so your genius plan better include a way to warm me up Jimmy: might do Janis: the ugly jumper don't count Janis: cheap shit, as mentioned Jimmy: don't remember chucking it in the ring as my 💡 Janis: I don't wanna dress up as a sheep neither 😏 Jimmy: 💔 you'd be a well fit and mysterious one Janis: the racial undertones of ba ba black sheep have already been pointed out Janis: very on the nose Jimmy: I ain't got as far as black facing our kid, what more do you want? Janis: yeah, minorities are WELL demanding like that Jimmy: that'll be why Ian's steering well clear Janis: 💔💔 of course Jimmy: 🎻😭💔 Janis: thank god this is fake dating Janis: don't need a get out situation, tah Jimmy: knew you were protesting too much about the ⛓ Jimmy: you love it, Jules Jimmy: don't even need the stockholm syndrome to kick in Janis: not so much I wanna try it with your dad Janis: that's more 💀👑 gig Jimmy: UGH FINE we won't pass you round Janis: 😂 you're vile Jimmy: 💕 Janis: not as bad as some of the 'people' on this bus though Janis: won't be too hard to pretend to be glad to see you, in case any of the herd as in Penneys Janis: glad to breathe clean air more like but 🤫 Jimmy: 🚭 I get it Jimmy: very subtle Janis: easier to get you to cut down if I just take half Janis: but alright Jimmy: stop having a go at my stamina, dickhead Janis: make me Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: 🏃 after your 🚍 ain't the way to go about it Janis: Impressive but also stalkerish, yeah Jimmy: turning every dickhead there into a fan ain't clearing either of our DMs Janis: I doubt all these 👵👴 have Instas Janis: but the single mums with the screaming kids, definitely Janis: don't wanna ponder the creepy guy at the back Jimmy: but have you double checked it ain't Lucas in a disguise? Jimmy: he'll be missing you SO bad by now Janis: 😱😱 Janis: my hopes? ⬆️ Jimmy: 🎁's have begun, Jasmine Janis: Good Janis: I do expect one every day tbh 💅 Jimmy: alright Janis: that's a joke though Jimmy: don't have to be Jimmy: 🏆🥇 me Janis: only if you're gonna steal 'em all Janis: don't need to waste real money for the fake #goals Jimmy: DUH Janis: then proceed Janis: I can slowly just put them in Grace's room, I'm sure Jimmy: we could use the glue gun to stick 'em to her ceiling Janis: now you're talking 😍 Jimmy: do 💀👑 an' all if that's where their friendmas is but probably need a ladder to reach her ceilings Jimmy: no standing on the bed when you're 💰💰💰 Janis: You love to carry me, I'll get on your shoulders Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I think it's at hers Janis: maybe 💀#2 but none of the others want their houses and lives judged that hard so they opt out Jimmy: we'll be able to get some more blackmail material either way Janis: Did you seriously get an invite? Jimmy: are you actually doubting me or what? Janis: I know Asia's thick as shit but Janis: what did you say? Jimmy: [sends her the messages cos it seriously wouldn't be hard since the flatwhites think everyone wants to be their BFFs even though the opposite is true, so all he'd have to do is be like soz about the school trip we're just SO IN LOVE WE CAN'T HELP OURSELVES] Janis: 🙄🙄 Janis: fairplay but 🤢 🤮 🤧 😷 🤒 🤕 new scale needed Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: where are you? Janis: Do you actually know your way about yet or? Janis: I'm still a bit away, though, if that's what you mean Jimmy: I did mean on your new 🤢 🤮 🤧 😷 🤒 🤕 scale Janis: 🤕 then Janis: clearly Janis: you? Jimmy: 🤮 Jimmy: weren't talking to 💀👑 Jimmy: directly anyway Janis: She'd not have said yes Janis: unless she's got some pig blood just waiting, like Jimmy: she's so #invested in our 💘 she'd say yeah near enough whatever I said Jimmy: probably reckons she can 💔 us before the pudding's served Jimmy: her 🥇💡'll be to have Asia in a sexy santa outfit ready to crack onto me or some bollocks Janis: nah, seriously Janis: wanna talk pimps Janis: one of Asia's only uses Janis: poor bitch Jimmy: I'll take my 🎻 Janis: as long as it don't look like you're 💔 you can't go there, fine by me Jimmy: I get that none of them can read body language but facial expressions are a bit easier Janis: and you are so expressive Janis: 😒😎 Jimmy: for you, baby, the 😎'll be off Jimmy: nowt to do with the 🌧 and 🌨 Janis: 😳😖🤤🥴 Janis: so many expressions 🏆 Jimmy: Oi, I wanted to give you the 🏆 Jimmy: pissed on today's 🎁 Janis: 😮 there's me, still acting surprised Janis: you can't say you're gonna give me something then not Jimmy: SUCH range, you Jimmy: where would I steal a 🏆 from? nah, you'll get something Janis: I take my wins in many forms Janis: you can just tell me Janis: that'll work Jimmy: you can just wait Janis: 🥺 Janis: original scale Jimmy: it'll be worth it Jimmy: famous last words Janis: can poison the dish we have to bring Janis: if you're ready to go 💀💀💀 Jimmy: I don't wanna go with them Jimmy: just you Janis: I can promise it'll be worth it then too Jimmy: alright Janis: am gonna make that meal fucking inedible for them Janis: even if it's coming straight back up in most cases Janis: and fucking with them however else we can 💭 Jimmy: 🤞 Bill's 👻 knows some others, Dickens would be a good shout to keep things on brand 🎄 Jimmy: but whether he do or don't I've had loads of piss poor dinners Jimmy: Ian knows how to pick well #goals girlfriends Janis: think he'd be the 'what's the point in you if you can't cook n clean?' type Janis: being mysterious runs in the family, clearly Jimmy: beggars can't be choosers, mate Jimmy: slim pickings round that office when you've already been done for harassment Janis: 😬 Janis: need to talk to Mia's dad, work out the legality of being a perv with no repercussions Jimmy: how he tells it he's had loads 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: woe's him Janis: woe's the stupid bitches still going there after, more like Janis: have a word, ladies Jimmy: sort your heads out Sharons Jimmy: need a new mum who's got her shit together, tah very much Janis: one who's handy with a hot glue gun Jimmy: or a sewing machine, why the fuck not dream big? Janis: steady on Janis: #mommygoals isn't a hashtag I wanna endorse Jimmy: 😏 Janis: take mine, if you like Jimmy: bit weird Janis: I only 🐕🏃 Janis: cooking, cleaning, hot glueing, not services I provide, soz Jimmy: I'll live Jimmy: more #goals to be fuming about your mother in law Janis: easily done Jimmy: with my mum an' all, soz you'll have to take my word for it Janis: you're unlikely to see mine Janis: unless you have a banging selection of herbal teas Jimmy: gutted she don't wanna see her 🐑💡 brought to life on stage Janis: reckon turning up when you ain't got a kid in it gets you on a register, no? Janis: my dad coulda, sure some of his spawn are performing too but alas Janis: she didn't have that many 🥈 Jimmy: Ian's seat's going spare is all, obvs it were front and centre, dad of the year that he is Janis: what's he got on? Janis: latest disciplinary Janis: is your brother gutted? Jimmy: he'd be gutted if I weren't there Jimmy: what a #humblebrag Janis: good thing you can be arsed then Janis: and you have a sister too, right? Jimmy: dragging her along, kicking and marding 💪🏆 Janis: know the feeling Janis: bribe her with maccies after and tell him it's a treat for being a ⭐ Janis: everyone's buzzing Jimmy: what've you got on? Janis: me and my absolutely packed schedule? Janis: only 🐕🏃 ain't far off, aside from what I wanna, which can be done any time I want, of course Jimmy: nowt 🥇 about mine but we could edit it to look like we're #livingourbestlives Jimmy: I live right by the school, you could wait for me there, take some 📷 or whatever Janis: It's actually not an awful shout Janis: they're all obsessed with the cute kid thing Janis: and actually, Asia might be there with hers so Janis: very goals Jimmy: do try and put it out my head there's more than one set of those 🦷🦷 about Jimmy: fuck it, come then Jimmy: least I know you'll be sitting down Janis: 😂 fuck marrying a doctor, she's gotta find a dentist, for the whole family's sake Janis: I'm not coming in a 🦽 though Janis: that's a bit much Jimmy: #ultimategoals Jimmy: just admit you want me to carry you, girl Janis: behave Janis: might not be OUR teachers, but they'll have no issue telling you off, I'm sure Jimmy: donkey'd be a bit much but as fake pregnancy announcements go, top tier Janis: so gutted I can't fake labour and give birth to the new lord and saviour Janis: really steal the show Jimmy: could if it's Lucas' and you're making a Christmas cuck of me Janis: um, it's God's Janis: keep up Jimmy: sure it is Janis: 😱 Janis: didn't catch Joseph acting up like this Jimmy: didn't give him any lines, did they? Janis: I think he gets to ask if there's any room at the inn Jimmy: Oi mate, give us a 🛏 Jimmy: brought my own ⛓ like Janis: don't even get a break mid-labour Janis: hardcore Janis: weren't you Joseph in your nativity then? Jimmy: that your guess? Janis: yeah, I reckon Jimmy: what were you? Janis: just a generic angel Janis: was going to be one of the wise men but grace threw a fit if we weren't exactly the same Janis: tah for the downgrade Jimmy: if they could 👀 you now Jimmy: oscar worthy fake girlfriend performance day in, day out Janis: obviously they didn't see my potential like you, babe Janis: she might have legitimately tried to murder me if I got to be Mary 😂 no she weren't a twin, like Jimmy: I actually were one of the wise men, soz, sweetheart Jimmy: could've been #fated Janis: bet you was frankincense 'cos you could say big words Janis: I'm so 😭 honestly Jimmy: as roleplays go, not my top choice, but owt for you, babe Janis: if anything is a test of how well you can fake it Jimmy: you testing me? Janis: depends Jimmy: ? Janis: if we have the time to make THREE costumes instead of one Janis: I highly doubt it Janis: 😏 Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: tin foil 👑 weren't it? Janis: yeah, and some kind of bedsheet robe, bit of tinsel Janis: sorted Jimmy: bet they have a 👸🏽 I can nick for you if your description of that shop were owt to go by Janis: definitely Janis: even if the hen party ones have L plates and dicks over 'em, the Disney ones should be a bit more nativity appropriate Jimmy: steal the show piss easy Janis: LOVE making little kids cry, obvs Jimmy: same Jimmy: just ain't as good when they're deaf, you can't get the volume out of 'em Jimmy: gutted we didn't end up with one who always shouts, obvs Janis: I'm gonna assume you got that deaf free pass and not go there myself Jimmy: safer to take owt I say with 🧂🤏 Jimmy: all fake anyway this Janis: ain't forgotten, you're alright Jimmy: didn't hit your head, I remember Janis: wouldn't tell you if I had Janis: the drama'd be too much Jimmy: I'd have worked that much out Jimmy: northern and only a bit thick Janis: 😵😵 Jimmy: no excuses, pisshead Janis: I know, I know Janis: you pride yourself on being 🏆💪 at the whole fake caring bf thing Jimmy: you saying I'm not? Janis: didn't say that, nah Jimmy: what then? Janis: what do you mean what? Janis: nothing Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you're lucky you live in town Jimmy: about the only thing mine's got going for it Janis: yeah Janis: this bus ride has nothing though so take the 🍀 Jimmy: how long? Janis: gimme 15 Jimmy: [gives her whatever he's drawn her for the first advent doodle because I was hoping to find something but I've been cockblocked] Jimmy: [maybe it's her as a lil bub wise man though now cos live your dreams] Janis: [love that, when you dunno what to say for a hot sec so you post it first being fake but lowkey having to tell the real story somewhat 'cos like, why and what else so it can't be that fake] Janis: you are good at art, give you that Jimmy: @ Ms Howe Jimmy: 💰 on her having a real account but dunno what it is Jimmy: @artteacheroveralls73 Jimmy: @reasonswhyloadsofartistsareproblematic Jimmy: @ihatenortherners86 Janis: you aren't her fave? Janis: 💔 Janis: cliche affair could've cut out any need for fake dating Jimmy: not a lass with a bowl cut and 🖌 behind her 👂 Janis: you've got the same type Janis: bummer Jimmy: piss off Janis: 😂 Janis: we can say it is Janis: maybe one of 'em will chop off all their hair Jimmy: you'd have to an' all Jimmy: unless you're that 🥇 I've binned off my type Janis: Precisely Janis: no competition Jimmy: what's yours then? just 👴 who teach you or what? Janis: must be Janis: not a lesbian and that's the other guess Jimmy: 👍 Janis: tah Janis: well affirming Jimmy: didn't need telling that you weren't gay Jimmy: not that good of an actress Janis: rude Janis: basically got an oscar Jimmy: off who? Jimmy: don't count if you give it to yourself, Judith Janis: you Jimmy: you've had nowt off me but that top quality 🎨 Janis: only because you can't find a 🏆 to give me Jimmy: 'cause it's up to me what I give you Jimmy: and as rewards go, I can do better Janis: I like the drawing Jimmy: yeah? Jimmy: you can have it, instead of just a 📷 if you want Janis: alright Jimmy: alright Janis: what do you actually want Janis: in return Jimmy: what's #goals? Jimmy: other than all this nativity bollocks Janis: true, very selfless of me Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: weren't wrong about the 👼🏽 casting even if you were fuming Janis: I can fake 👼🏽 yeah Janis: but it's not really that selfless with all the #content we'll be getting Jimmy: still, I'll leave off taking your halo for a bit Janis: 'til you get me my 👸🏽 Jimmy: only fair Jimmy: can't fit a bobble hat over a head that big and with all that hair an' all Janis: still not getting a bowl cut Janis: let it go, babe Jimmy: good Jimmy: hard enough to fake the �� as you are Janis: yeah right Janis: hear the 🎻 from here Jimmy: play them like you mean them, babe Janis: if you wanted this to be easy for you Janis: should've picked an art hoe you could get properly 😍 over Jimmy: you're alright, a lass like that wouldn't be impressed by owt like a quick 🖋🎨 Janis: so now I'm TOO easy, yeah? Jimmy: not a tweet I'll be sending but Janis: fuck you either way Janis: just because I'm doing my job 🥇 you're gonna have a go Janis: thank me, more like Jimmy: fucking me regardless is something an easy lass would do 😏 Janis: yeah but I only fuck you 'cos you're the perfect little boyfriend so don't matter Janis: no one knows how much of a colossal dickhead you are, remember Jimmy: be about right Janis: you haven't bumped your head and forgotten the plan neither Jimmy: not yet, like Jimmy: but hell on earth were what you said Janis: if you get in way of a big mammy and her Christmas deals, you might be in luck of a fair smack, yeah Jimmy: #kinkunlocked Janis: good 'cos I won't be saving you Jimmy: 💔🎻😭 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: entertain yourself Jimmy: easy Janis: contrary to your opinion, not obsessed with your 🍆 or what you do with it Jimmy: got an inbox full of lasses who are, I'll live Janis: yeah, you're loving it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: [a picture of him waiting for her wherever the bus comes in doing his own 🙄 because he's a nerd and also he's never gonna just wait for her outside the shop when THAT ankle] Janis: Wow, if you're gonna leave, politer ways to 💔 Jimmy: ruder ways an' all Janis: idk Janis: quite rude, that Jimmy: is it? Janis: suppose I don't have to fake my 😍 at your mug right now Jimmy: there you go then Janis: Not going to say thank you still Jimmy: 💔🎻😭 Janis: you don't need to wait though Jimmy: can't chuck myself under the 🚍 til it gets in Janis: not how you wanted it Janis: or how I said I'd do it Jimmy: never said it'd 💀💀💀 me Jimmy: you want a 🦽 or what? Janis: you want matching Janis: alright Jimmy: what could be more #goals? Janis: I quite like walking but you know Janis: as you like it Jimmy: dry your eyes, mate Jimmy: bit more nursing and you'll be well away Janis: you gonna let me go then? Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 you Jimmy: not gonna have a choice Janis: thought you might finish the job Janis: 🦶🪓 Jimmy: did cross my mind Janis: No shit, Kathy Janis: the kink is blatant Jimmy: you could do worse, Lucas ain't gonna let you piss about in bed all day when it's his turn Janis: 🤤🤤 Janis: I like the challenge Jimmy: #blessed Janis: counting down the days Janis: #tilwemeetagain Jimmy: 🤞 you'll have him all to yourself in detention Jimmy: no tah needed Janis: you heard anything yet? Jimmy: he ain't using that for why he's not bothered to crack on with crafting a 🐑 costume Janis: 👎 Janis: he's gonna look cute Janis: not your dad Jimmy: I get it, no need for a poor man's Lucas when you can have the real thing 🥇 Janis: something like that Jimmy: 👴💕 Janis: [better show up gal] Jimmy: [resist the urge to immediately pick her up please sir] Janis: [when you're awkward like it's been ages just because there's been like a night or a day whatever reprieve love it, just like let us get to primark to get this sheep costume moment hun] Jimmy: [are we doing both on mobility scooters or him pushing her in a wheelchair/trolley because v different vibes but both iconic] Janis: [hmm, I assume their Dublin store would be big so I reckon we could go mobility scooter, you would find that more fun once you get into it too] Jimmy: [love that just don't do a me and knock a whole display of bras over yourself] Janis: [I did say we threw our bra on Mia's head so let's not reclaim that for yourself hen, though I do find them difficult to drive as someone who hasn't needed to so it will be carnage, like Primark at xmas isn't already hehe] Jimmy: [10000% am gonna say he takes off her shoes and won't give them back so instead puts on some OTT christmas slippers that are shaped like a xmas pudding or some nonsense because she's been on that ankle too much honey and we are cross] Janis: [we do not love ourselves or our lives enough to take a break so it's tea also that is amusant so yes because shan't be buying and that's the kind of mankiness you can expect from this shop or any high street one lowkey] Jimmy: [literally just gonna chuck them back on the floor or leave them in this scooter basket soz not soz, she's not walking around they won't get too trashed hens] Janis: [peeps do go feral so so can you lads, not to mention taking the piss out of all the weird things they put on clothes 'cos it do be wild] Jimmy: [they are gonna have a lovely time taking the piss out of everything and everyone tbh] Janis: [there should be peeps from school in there but like randoms so not enough to warrant a full show but as an excuse you barely need for couplish behaviour when spotted] Jimmy: [great idea cos you know there would be loads of peeps out shopping rn odds on some of them you vaguely recognise, I vote for some art hoes for the lols] Janis: [ha some art hoes out with their fam or something I live] Jimmy: [aesthetically doing the most haha] Janis: [just immaturely like there's your real girlfriend] Jimmy: [will get you with this scooter like they're bumper cars like oi] Janis: [when you don't know her name obvs so you're just shouting out really pisstakey ones like oi clem oi wren etc] Jimmy: [can't not lol] Janis: [sorry to this girl but we're not, just don't trash these scooters that we're using to bump into him/everyone/everything] Jimmy: [also not sorry for whatever he's chucking at her as the mood takes him] Janis: [just don't chuck that stripper jumper or we'll actually be raging] Jimmy: [can't wait for your jumper try on sesh when we reach that section lads] Janis: [oh lawd] Jimmy: [they should try on like onesies and all sorts so we have to have a full big disabled changing room moment] Janis: [the filmsy excuse like must you? yes obvs] Jimmy: [we live for a flimsy excuse in this era] Jimmy: [actually gutted the flatwhites aren't here because they have beds set up with xmas covers etc in the big primarks imagine the show they could've put on] Janis: [we must be prepping our low-cal xmas meal lmao] Jimmy: [Asia won't be making her sister's donkey outfit] Janis: [lmaooooooooooooooo what else can you do in a primark hmm] Jimmy: [I don't think we can get decs cos they all suck we're gonna have to steal them from elsewhere] Janis: [that fine, any other shop will have some that aren't horrific, primark might have the kind of make your own vibe that Bobby would like] Jimmy: [aww that'd be cute] Janis: [you crafty boi, you'd also know how to do it without a kit girl so if you wanna come through you can, as for primark, we probably get the vibe, unless there's anything specific we wanna say/do?} Jimmy: [I think we've covered it so you can go back to his gaff and construct this 🐑 lewk] Janis: [at least we've made your life 10x easier with this coat, also gonna be the first time you've been to his so probably just hanging about outside like am I leaving now or] Jimmy: [will carry you over the threshold like that was what was stopping you coming in even though he blatantly doesn't need help & make you tea so we can have that milk two sugars revelation] Janis: [just like sup bitch to Twix] Jimmy: [the beginning of the real love story] Janis: [not like we're pure awkward and like hi dog this I can do right at least] Jimmy: [I hope they've found a christmas jumper for you too Twix cos there's no festive cheer in this gaff] Janis: [casually assess how many decs we gotta get, also dread to think the jumpers you've ended up with] Jimmy: [give her that doodle you did and dramatically sign it like a nerd] Janis: [🙄but 😏 'get famous and I'll flog it'] Jimmy: ['you've posted it, bound to get insta famous' cue a fake dramatic scroll through his phone] Janis: ['if you have to put a word before it, it don't count' and mimes shooting him in the chest 'cos insta fame is all we have hunny] Jimmy: [does an OTT death scene] Janis: [twix will be trampling all over you like oh hey what you doing down here] Jimmy: [😒 but we secretly love her really] Janis: [just like it's your own fault boy but putting out a hand to help him up] Jimmy: [takes it and pretends like he's gonna pull her down which is accidentally saucy, remember that mud moment lads, but doesn't obvs] Janis: [😳 and lowkey pretending you're gonna drop him so he's reminded of Asia and the assault course instead] Jimmy: [puts her foot up and generally fusses like a nurse because we know it's fucked] Janis: ['you're meant to be drawing a sheep's face right now' 'cos you cannot like focus boy] Jimmy: [gets and chucks a bag of frozen peas at her so he can put a tea towel on her head like an even bigger nerd but then does get his craft on] Janis: ['downgrade' like where's me crown but staying put 'cos it'll be more fuss if you don't] Jimmy: [obvs does make her a crown that's actually decent because that bitch] Janis: [so amused 'cos impressive 'wasted on me and not quinn'] Jimmy: [takes a pic like it's not wasted now but really it's to hide our heart eyes/stop him saying something that he can't pretend is fake when there is nobody here] Janis: ['rather this than a sheep, I guess' like not a #goals lewk soz bobby it will be on you] Jimmy: [chucks all those cotton wall balls he couldn't attach at her like they are little snowballs because playfights forever] Janis: [just juggling with them like I too can be impressive lmao] Jimmy: [craft break while he tries to have a go/tries to get her to teach him how to do it because we're impressed but also competitive] Janis: [love that for y'all, I can't do it but I assume you'll at least be able to do 2 or 3 jimothy] Jimmy: [one should fall in his tea though because 💔] Janis: [devastation] Jimmy: [cue OTT pout soz for how distracting that always is] Janis: [getting up like calm down, I'll make another one, 'cos looking for an excuse to move tbh] Jimmy: [gotta push her back down into that seat before she can because sauciness forever] Janis: [just like OI but a LOOK too] Jimmy: [giving that LOOK back as standard] Janis: ['I can do it'] Jimmy: [putting out a hand to help her up for that parallel] Janis: [reluctantly taking it with a 😒 'cos omg we're fine even though we aren't but you know] Jimmy: [does the drawing a smile with his finger tip thing because if we actually touch her rn there will be no stopping us and this sheep isn't gonna finish itself] Janis: [run and make that tea gal distraction distraction] Jimmy: [likewise get crafting again jimothy] Janis: [let twix out the kitchen door 'cos she's being cray no doubt] Jimmy: [of course she is] Janis: how old is your brother Jimmy: 6 Janis: cute Jimmy: I'll pass that on Janis: the only kids I know are toddlers and babies Janis: have to be a bit less annoying at that age, right Jimmy: he's the only kid I know Jimmy: don't do my head in as much as the screaming 👶's at work Janis: yeah Janis: my oldest sister has a couple, they're nightmares Jimmy: 🤞 Ian's past it Janis: 🤞 his girlfriends are Janis: blokes never are Jimmy: depends whose arse he decides to slap at the photocopier this week Jimmy: 🤞 for a barren Sharon Janis: Christmas wish, or whatever Jimmy: @ Santa Jimmy: have a word Janis: plenty of sad christmas movies with that premise Janis: your brother really needs to be the ⭐ though Janis: you're well past it Jimmy: piss off am I Jimmy: every teenager on telly is played by a 35 year old, me and my crows feet are well in Janis: and I'm saying you pining for a step mum is for a whole different type of film Jimmy: dunno what you mean by that, Jenna Janis: 😇 Janis: [come back with that tea and the most dubious sure jan face] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: [shakes head like tut tut] Jimmy: [sips tea in a sassy manner] Janis: ['animal' and pointedly checking out his progress] Jimmy: [imaginary watch check time lol] Janis: ['never ends, eh?' squishes his face like poor boy] Jimmy: [a shrug 'not til you kill me'] Janis: ['better put in your appearance first for the kid'] Jimmy: [nods because no fucker else is gonna do it 'whatever they're using for the baby jesus might come in handy an' all, fake kid for you to remember me by' because we think we're leaving lol] Janis: [such an unamused face 'no thank you' like you don't know how rife teen pregnancy is in this fam lol] Jimmy: [a look like yeah it won't look as fit and mysterious as me but still] Janis: ['it's always some pale ginger kid anyway'] Jimmy: [picks up Twix and wraps her up in the sofa blanket like a little bub and hands her to Janis like there you go cos looks a bit like them being white but with whirls and she was a bit gingery when she was a pup] Janis: [when you can't just yeet this dog so you have to take her and give her some love but you're like 😑] Jimmy: [squishes her face like she just did to him] Janis: [swats him away 'prick' and is on our phone like we're very busy but we just don't wanna make this bad mood more of a thing] Jimmy: [Twix just kissing her face like ILY] Janis: [can't be mad at this pup at least, in reality we just seeing where nearby does decent decs that you can go and get] Jimmy: [meanwhile we're getting the bae painkillers cos we think that's why she's cross] Janis: [shakes head, 'saw Helena earlier'] Jimmy: [shrugs like suit yourself 'tah for keeping it off the 'gram' like she's cheating on you with Helena imagine] Janis: [? then like ugh 'turns out she sells 'em so well in' she does not and we did not, the utter lies girl] Jimmy: [we're ignoring that bollocks and drinking our tea/finally finishing this sheep] Janis: [ta-da gesture 'where is he, anyway?' like neither of us can model this sheep moment adequately] Jimmy: [looks around OTT dramatically like 😱 where IS he? cos can't just answer a question] Janis: [lifts up a cushion or something like hello?] Jimmy: [cue a silly fake hide and seek] Janis: [Twix will give you away so easily lmao] Jimmy: [eventually flopping down OTT dramatically basically on top of her like you're so knackered because always taking the piss out of his stamina] Janis: [acting like he's so heavy like you're gonna kill me] Jimmy: ['not the way you wanna go'] Janis: ['is that even a question?'] Jimmy: ['didn't draw owt' because he did draw ? on her with a fingertip during the school trip and it was very flirty] Janis: ['there you go then' like no need to answer] Jimmy: 'reckon we're on our own' like there you go then for that question you asked about Bobby's whereabouts but you're still basically all up in her grill so it's accidentally flirty as well as a no shit answer] Janis: [takes a picture to be like now we ain't] Jimmy: [do a little photoshoot so you can have an excuse to make out because it's been FOREVER as far as you're concerned] Janis: [when we haven't even processed any of this lowkey] Jimmy: [it's a headfuck kids] Janis: ['did you go to school this morning, after?' 'cos saying you clearly didn't] Jimmy: ['what kind of question is that?' cos clearly didn't either, nods in the direction of the sheep costume fail like] Janis: [shrugs 'maybe you give up easy' like he came home did ten minutes and was like nah] Jimmy: [a look like very subtle challenge there babe] Janis: ['piss off' and pushing him a bit away 'cos we haven't moved evidently] Jimmy: [gets up and starts cleaning up all the crafting mess like fine I can take a hint] Janis: [ah the frustration, getting up like well then 'what time's the nativity thing?'] Jimmy: [telling her whatever time it is] Janis: ['meet you there then' and peacing] Jimmy: [so many things he wanted to say but we're not saying any of them] Janis: [oh lads] Jimmy: [sends her a pic of Bobby when he tries on that sheep lewk] Janis: 👍 Janis: looks pretty good I reckon Janis: he happier now? Jimmy: he's moved to 😢 Jimmy: should've kept your 👑 'cause the only 🏆'll be the FUMING mum's 💔 they never 💡🥇 of pissing about with their old clothes Janis: it's an improvement, suppose Janis: nah, could've earnt it if I committed to taking my sisters and glueing a paper plate to it Janis: 💔 oh well Jimmy: far as thankless tasks go, it's got nowt on 👴👵☕ Janis: you can wear it then Janis: have to size it up Jimmy: you gonna give me a hand or what? Janis: you did such a good job first time 'round Jimmy: without the tweet singing my praises, how would I know? Janis: if you want me to post, just say so Jimmy: if I have to tell you how to do the job, might as well do it myself Janis: fuck's sake Janis: we're literally going to clog their feeds later with all this nativity shit Janis: don't act like I ain't doing anything Jimmy: didn't have you down for a part timer but alright Janis: what you have me down as is irrelevant 'cos you don't know me Jimmy: weren't about to start a Q & A Janis: Good Janis: I know how to do the job, so do you Janis: leave it at that Jimmy: I were only pissing about, what's your problem? Janis: nothing Janis: there's just no need to do anything else Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: okay Janis: don't forget the santas hat you said he needed for jingle bells at the end Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 👋 Jimmy: 😘 Janis: not worth a screenshot Janis: but I got the message, like Jimmy: what message is that? Janis: more 👏 content 👏 Jimmy: steady on, I ain't 💀👑 Janis: the point was bigger and better, weren't it Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Jimmy: you said nowt Janis: when did I? Jimmy: no need to do owt else, weren't it? so there's no need to make me sound like a tory slave driver Janis: just forget it, alright Jimmy: forget what? Janis: that I said anything Jimmy: or what? Janis: why would you not? Janis: there's nothing to gain from this Jimmy: might be if you stop being a dickhead and tell me what's wrong Janis: I'll just stop Janis: if you do as well Jimmy: what have I done? Janis: do you think you've done anything? Jimmy: that's not an answer Jimmy: the answer's nowt Janis: there you go then Jimmy: stopping doing nowt means doing something, so go on, what do you want? Janis: I don't want anything Janis: alright Janis: I shouldn't have slept with you Jimmy: freezing weren't how you wanted to 💀💀💀 either Janis: what Jimmy: I weren't gonna let you sleep out there on your own Janis: are you serious Jimmy: are you? Janis: you've already called me desperate for it Janis: now you think I'd just do it for the warmth and you get to be some kind of gentleman for bothering Jimmy: 1. I've said nowt of the sort 2. sort your head out if that's where you reckon mine is Janis: You said I was easy Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: that were you, for a start Janis: no it wasn't Jimmy: bollocks Janis: it was you Janis: anyway, it was a mistake Jimmy: you legged it, you're calling it a mistake, nowt to do with me, that Janis: because I'm not easy and you've got the wrong idea if you reckon that Janis: so let's stick to what is actually working and leave it Jimmy: you're being a massive dickhead Janis: and what Jimmy: and nowt's gonna work if you don't leave it out Janis: that's literally what I've said Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: how are you gonna have a go at me? Janis: you could've just shut the fuck up and it'd be fine Jimmy: how would it? Jimmy: you're sitting there 😒😤😭💔🎻 over some bollocks you reckon I said and you weren't gonna say owt Janis: don't take the piss Jimmy: or what? Jimmy: that's what you've been doing all day, mate Janis: fuck off have I, I've been helping you out Jimmy: suffering in silence 'cause I'm such a bastard, more like Jimmy: have a 🏆 Janis: you're the one being dramatic, I didn't say that Janis: I just didn't appreciate what you did, that's it Jimmy: you spent ages with me after I apparently called you a massive slag, what else do you call that? Janis: I was already on my way Janis: what am I gonna do, actually turn the bus around, no Jimmy: not be a doormat Jimmy: there's your mistake if you're looking for one, Jodie Janis: fuck you Jimmy: this is me being a prick since you need a hand working out the difference Janis: stop talking to me Jimmy: stop putting words in my mouth Janis: I didn't Jimmy: I don't think you're easy Janis: right Jimmy: Why would I? Jimmy: don't flatter yourself, alright, my benchmark for that is set at fucking half the north Jimmy: and even then, you'd have to really be dating me to get me to give a shit about it Janis: I didn't ask you to give a shit, nor do I want you to Janis: and it's hardly flattering but doormat is worse so yeah Janis: go away now Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I hope your brother doesn't totally hate it Jimmy: don't bother wasting your christmas wish Janis: well, he'll be fine, there are worse things than stage fright Jimmy: don't waste the reassurance on me either Janis: Jesus, whatever then Jimmy: there's nowt worse than having no parents about when every other dickhead does Janis: Yeah Janis: he won't be the only one Janis: and at least someone is there at all Jimmy: tah for that Janis: it's the truth Jimmy: most helpful you've been, pointing that out Janis: well what Janis: what else would you want me to say Janis: it's shit Jimmy: I didn't ask for you to say owt about it Janis: so you brought it up to what Janis: get a 👍 or 👎 Jimmy: you brought it up Jimmy: reckoning you know what's our kid's problem how you reckon you know what I think Janis: no, I was going Janis: I was literally just saying hope he doesn't have a terrible time Janis: don't have a go at me 'cos your dad ain't going Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: I'm having a go at you 'cause you're doing my head in Janis: then I'll be going Janis: we don't need to talk to each other Janis: right now or barely at all Jimmy: 👍 Janis: when we need to do more fake shit, then we'll do it Jimmy: alright Jimmy: you know where I live Janis: Yep Janis: later Jimmy: [not gonna reply cos have a nativity to get ready for] Janis: [ah soz for the mess that has been made everyone, gutted we will not see the sheep costume in action] Jimmy: [how dare you arseholes ruin my festive fluff] Janis: [my boo is fuming, at least we can force you together easily enough after, and you did help with the costume] Jimmy: [we've ticked that and jumpers off the list, well done us]

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r3b3lgrrrrrrrl · 5 years

Text

A LunaTic and her Gunn (Part 30)

"Glue"

@creatureofthen1ght-v3

@lovemythsworld

Sparking a joint on the way to see Pete at Flappers, Colson, Luna, Ashley and Dom chatter away. Talking video and music concepts still, how they think Colson's gonna do on stage and Luna's hatred for the paparazzi.

Walking in to the comedy club, Luna stops Colson. Looking up at him, she strokes his jawline with her thumb.

"You're gonna do great, Bunny." She tells him, smiling brightly as she stands on her tippy toes to kiss him.

He smiles, her words calming him. "Thanks, Kitten." He replies, bending down for her to reach him.

"And did you know.." She continues as she laces her fingers into his "Holding hands syncs up the heart, becoming a natural anxiety reducer?"

He laughs, always amused at her knowledge. "Then I'm glueing our fucking hands together!" He exclaims to her laughter, as they continue inside, holding hands.

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Once inside, Pete comes out to greet them, giving Luna a big hug. She winces in pain. "Ohhh!! That's right!! Dirty Fucking Harriet over here, leading the anti-deportation railroad!" He teases her. Making Colson, Ashley and Dom laugh.

"Fuck you." She says smirking. Then with wide eyes, knowing her friend too well. "Don't you fucking use that in your set!"

Pete strokes his chin. "I just might." He says smiling down at her.

"Fucking Asshole." She laughs, shoving him with her good arm.

"Alright, alright." He says, throwing his hands up. "Lemme get this Sicko set up." Referring to Colson.

"Break a leg, Bitch!!" Luna says to Pete, hugging him again. She turns to Colson. He's gripping her hand.

Giving him a knowing smile and That One Look he loves so much, all she says is "Great." Before squeezing his hand and kissing him.

"FUUUCCCKK. I don't think I've ever been this nervous before." He thinks following Pete. Even though he's naturally funny, stand up is completely out of Colson's realm

Luna, Ashley and Dom find their table.

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"And now, we'd like to welcome, for the first time ever to Flapper's stage... MGK!!!"

The crowd claps as Luna stands up. "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!" She screams at the top of her lungs, clapping hard as he comes on stage. She grins, as he starts, knowing his nervousness. She watches him, through her camera.

"So, I'm up here" he looks down, moving and adjusting the mic around. "Because I lost a bet because I can't keep my clothes on." Luna laughs as other women cat call him. He blushes and laughs as he continues "I have a 9yr old daughter, so I may tell some dad jokes. So, bear with me, please." The crowd and Luna laugh. She can see him loosening up. *CLICK* "Aight, check it, this one of our favorites..." He continues.

"The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, DUCK!" The crowd erupts as he lays another one, relieved and smiling. *CLICK*

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?.... Because the pee is silent." He laughs at himself with the rest of the room. Luna's watching him intently, moving around slyly. *CLICK* Colson sees the wrap it up signal from side stage.

"Ok..ok..one more, one more.. What does a zombie vegetarian eat?" He asks himself. Putting his arms out, hanging his tongue, he growls "GRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNS!” *CLICK*CLICK*CLICK* The crowd loses it. "Thank you! Thank you!" He says beaming before walking off stage. *CLICK*

"Ladies and gentleman, MGK!!!" The crowd erupts with cheers.

Luna heads back to Dom and Ashley. The girls look at each other with the same thought. "He was fucking GREAT!!" They shout in unison, laughing. They ALMOST share the same brain at this point in life.

"BUNNYYYY!" Luna shouts, jumping into his arms as Colson walks over to their table. "AMAZING!!!" She beams, kissing him all over. "You feel alright?" She asks him.

Looking into her eyes grinning he responds "Kitten, I FEEEEL WONDERFUL tonight. All I need is you and a drink." Adrenaline still flowing from the stage through him.

Heart racing from his special words she thinks to herself "I FUCKING LOVE HIM!!"

"Let's get you that drink, then." She smiles sliding off of him and grabbing his hand.

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Pete goes on as they get back to their table. He really enjoyed watching Colson sweat and is on fire himself. He runs through anything and everything. Trump, Ariana... He bust Loius CK's balls, both personally and publicly. Saying that he rathers offering girls weed in his hand. Over his weiner. He's killing the crowd. Then he steps in with.. "So, I've got this friend, a tiny, little white girl, just like me... Woooh!" He purses his lips and pretends to curl his hair with his finger. The crowd laughs, her table even harder as they glance at her.

"Oh, FUCK." Luna thinks to herself. Shaking her head, as she rolls her eyes with a smirk.

"She thinks she the Dirty Harriet of the anti-deportation railroad." He continues, walking around the stage. "She says to me while we're gettin high one day, talking about the ICE situation..." Pete changes his voice and wiggles his fingers, looking like Gollum from The Lord of the Rings. "We could use teamwork, get a train and save alll the little children." He laughs, continuing, "I look over." He starts pointing. "And this Bitch has Dora the Explorer on the TV and Thomas the Train on her laptop and The FUCKING Wonder Pets on her phone. She's SO fucking high, that she's doing a Dora/Thomas/WonderPets CROSSOVER!!" He stops and looks at the crowd sideways. Continuing, "I wanted to say 'TURN OFF NICK JR, YOU CRAZY BITCH!!!!!' But I was so HIGH, all I could ask was..." Dropping his voice. "'Can I be the conductor?'." He laughs at himself with everyone else. "Fucking white people, Man..." He finishes shaking his head to an erupting crowd.

"Thissss MOTHERFUCKER." Luna laughs to herself, shaking her head as she drops it into her hands.

Pete ends his set flawlessly.

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After Pete finishes, he meets up with his friends. They greet him with cheers. "Yo! You KILLED IT tonight, Dawg!" Colson tells him, slapping his hand while pulling him in for a hug.

"Funny as Fooking hell, Mate!!" Dom chimes in.

"Great set, Pete!" Ashley agrees, hugging him.

"Thank you! Thank you!" Pete grins, looking at Luna as he swigs his beer. She has that 'I may fuck you up' smile on her face that he knows oh, so well. "You know you set yourself up." He states to her with a grin.

She's grinning back. "Enh. I'd be more pissed of there wasn't any truth to the Nick Jr bit." Both of them bursting out laughing to the inside joke. "Where you staying tonight, Petey?" She then asks, nodding her head as she swigs her beer.

"Uhhh..."

"With us." Colson says, grabbing Luna and Pete around the neck with his arms, pulling them in close.

"Yeah, I just gotta meet my manager by 3P..."

Deciding to head back to Ashley's, Colson declares "WE OUT!!" as they exit the club.

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Back at Ashley's they drink some more, burn A LOT, A LOT, laugh and play a VERY intense game of Trouble. Colson and Dom agree they're going to do the open call for their video. Over dinner, they had titled the track "I Think I'm Okay". Luna and Ashley are in love with it, encouraging the guys to play it for Pete. HE fucking LOVES it too. This prompts Colson to play "Bad Things" for them. No one's heard it yet outside of the band.

"YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING SICK!!!" Ashley shouts after she watches Luna and Colson twist and dance around each other to the beat, singing to the other along the track. It reminds her of herself and Gerald sadly, as the others listen. "THAT'S gonna be a Fucking hit!!" She shakes her head, pointing her index finger knowingly in delight.

Pete agrees "That's fucking gnarly!! And so different for the both of you." He observes. Luna and Colson beam together, thanking them, while she's tucked under his arm.

"Bet-ah every time I Fooking hear it, Mate!!" Dom tells Colson. Luna cocks her head up.

"I played it for him the other night." Colson says to a nodding Luna.

They hang out for a bit more before Luna changes into a pair of boy shorts and an old oversized Carolina hoodie, signaling that they're heading out.

Ashley congrats both Pete and Colson on their sets with hugs. Dom with hugs and kisses. Luna and Ashley smooch, making plans to meet up over the weekend.

"I'm starving." Luna states as they head to The Benz. Colson tosses her the keys.

"Then you drive."

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Luna doesn't support hateful organizations but she's starving and Chick-Fil-A is the first thing she sees. Pulling in they order almost EVERYTHING off of the menu. Luna hate-liking her food. She fires up a joint to ease her guilt as she pulls them out.

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Colson's drunk and aggressive when they hit the bedroom. He started pawing her once they left Flappers. She had popped 2 percs before eating, in anticipation. As he throws her on the bed, she's credits herself.

"I'm gonna fuck the shit outta you, you Brooklyn BITCH." He slurs as he pulls her shorts off with her panties. Luna beats him to the jump, pulling her own hoodie and bra off for him, protecting her wound. "I love your fucking titties!!" He declares drunkenly, diving into her chest face first, knocking her onto the bed. She laughs, trying not to wince, as she holds his head by his hair, positioning herself comfortably on the bed. He's sucking all over her breasts. Tonguing each piercing before moving up her neck to her mouth. "I FUCKING WANT YOU." He demands, pushing his solid dick against her. Hard. He pulls her arms up above her head with his hands. Holding her hostage, sucking on her neck, as she wraps her silky legs around his long body in pleasure. Not caring about the pain in her shoulder as she arches her back with a purr. Still holding both wrists but with one BIG hand, he slides the index finger of his other between her lips. "Mmmmm... Dirty girl." He says, pleased with her wetness. He lets go of her wrists, throwing her legs over his shoulders quickly. Then he grabs her wrists again with one hand, using the other to guide himself into her. A moan escapes her as he enters her. Fully. She arches her back, pushing her hips into him, settling him deep inside her. They both groan in pleasure as he hits his Home.

Hands pinned above her head, with his dick filling her, Luna feels like she's tripping. He's so big that she can cum by just tightening herself around him. He feels her clench and shake in pleasure before he begins to pump. Feeling her heart racing through his chest. He takes her ankles with her wrists, over her head and pounds into her hard. Rocking her like a Fucking chair.

"Unnhhhhh. Bunnny!" She breathes in heavy as his dick pounds her wet pussy.

"Like that, hunh!" He demands pounding himself into her. Panting as she pushes her hips up against him. He lets her right leg go, she pushes off the bed, relieving her shoulder as she fucks him sideways. Swirling her hips and grinding on him harder. The switch intensifies both of them. Bucking against him with half her body in the air, they're clawing at each other.

"I'm going, Bunny!" She cries out.

"NO, you ain't!!" He tells her, biting the thigh next to his face.

"Ahhhhhhhh!!!" She screams bucking harder against him.

"Hold it." He demands, pounding into her harder.

"My fucking vagina is going to fall off." Luna is convinced. Mind hysterical in pleasure.

He holds one ankle next to his cheek, kissing it, as her other leg is wrapped around him. She's pumping into his slamming rythym. He lets go of her other leg. She slides it around him as he slides his hands around her throat to her pleasure. She's bucking against him. Fast, hungry and hard. He slides his hands off her throat, up the sides of her face. Big hands cradling her delicate face and pleading eyes. Fucking her hard. "Do it." He tells her, pulling her body hard into him by her neck and skull. Slamming into him, she follows his direction. It's ONLY in the bedroom, does Luna do what she's told. Bucking hard, she tightens around him as he throbs and fills her.

""FUUUCKKKKKK!!!!" She cries out. Still swirling her pussy around his cock in pleasure. "Fuck shit, Bunny..." She happily purrs, shifting her shoulder under his weight. SO fucking thankful for Percocet.

"You're my dirty, little whore." Colson giggles, burying his drunk face into her right shoulder. Her legs are wrapped around him and she's trying not to laugh, not wanting to push him out. His drunk ass is dumb and cute and she can't help it.

"Oh NO!! You kicked me out!" He cries out, visibly devastated.

Laughing, she pulls him close to her. "Oh, Bunny, Come'er." She kisses him sweetly before he lays his drunken face and WHOLE body weight upon her chest and breasts. She shifts, dying, even with both 30s. Happily dying underneath him. Nevertheless.

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To be continued.....

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