#so we haven't taken since
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Girl who constantly haunts my narrative just dmed me for the first time in 3 years gonna go explode into a million pieces
#it's hard to explain this one but like#I've known her since kindergarten...she was the first person I ever came out to....she was my best friend for years#and then one day we got into a stupid fight.....and we are both our father's boydaughters#so we haven't taken since#.....and again....that was literally 3 years ago#like not a day goes by that I dont think about her......I dream about her constantly#and I do want to talk to her again#but...nervous#also the reason we stopped talking was 100% my own fault#like good god it was my own fault#so that makes it double hard to figure out what I'm supposed to say to her now
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currently captive audience to a knock down drag out fight in my brain between desire to respect the wishes of the creator and not look for anyone redistributing the comic and god i fucking miss wonderlab i miss wonderlab so much you have no idea i want wonderlab back so bad
#project moon#wonderlab#seriously wonderlab was so fucking good that like#the entire time pre-limbus release every time we got news i would get so excited for a potential followup on wonderlab's ending#and the idea of seeing characters like taii#with amazing designs from a comic that already had some absolutely stunning imagery#drawn in a style like the absolutely fucking beautiful painterly style of ruina's character art and cgs#getting to see more of taii and the other survivors of the branch and seeing where their lives would go after that ending#seeing how the loss of so many important people would affect them and how they'd struggle in the aftermath of l corp's collapse#we already had ONE distortion in the ending of wonderlab with catt and that happened BASICALLY MOMENTS AFTER LOBCORP'S ENDING#can you IMAGINE how cool it'd be to see all of these characters#who already have experience with combat and ego and weird anomalous monsters via their work in the branch#react to and potentially figure out and adapt to the distortion phenomenon?#LITERALLY THE WHOLE CONCEPT OF LIMBUS IS GOING INTO FORMER L CORP BRANCHES#THAT'S THE SELLING POINT OF THE GAME! THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE! OF COURSE I WOULD GET EXCITED ABOUT MORE WONDERLAB STUFF!#BUT NOW WE'LL NEVER GET THAT#WE'LL NEVER SEE TAII AGAIN IN OFFICIAL MEDIA#WE'RE JUST LEFT WITH THE MEMORY OF THAT FINAL PANEL AND TAII GAZING OVER THIS STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL SURREAL LANDSCAPE#WITH PROMISES OF A JOURNEY WE'RE NO LONGER ALLOWED TO SEE#FUCK I MISS WONDERLAB#wonderlab was so fucking good that it accidentally became the cornerstone of my entire perspective on project moon's works as a whole#and now that it's gone i can't go back to lobcorp or ruina without feeling its absence like a gaping void in my chest#the only thing left in its place being the knowledge of the shitshow that was the drama surrounding project moon for a while#and the thought that maybe in a different world we would've gotten to see more#FUCK man#no joke i literally made myself cry typing this whole rant out#suddenly learning that wonderlab had been taken down was a fucking wound i have never recovered from#and i've never been able to look at ruina or limbus with the same sense of awe and wonder and curiosity ever since#just the bitter knowledge that yet another formerly beloved story and world has fallen into corporate nightmares and gacha cash grabs#i haven't been able to keep up with project moon much at all since. i don't know if anything else has happened.
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lads it's so fucking frustrating when you desperately want to learn and understand something but u just can't fucking get ir
#because of various reasons I've accidentally skipped up a level in physics#so im learning calc based physics instead of basic physics#which is fine except the physics I'm currently taking expects me to have already taken basic phsyics and so im just confused and behind#this is like calc 2 all over again#but ten times worse because since it's a summer class im learning way more stuff at a way quicker rate#and i can't even go to the tutoring center bc again. summer school. it's not even open#im so stressed I barely understand how to solve these and i don't have anyone I can ask#and we have a test on Monday and i have a bad feeling about it#it's not even difficult math it's basic algebra we haven't even gotten to the calc yet#turns out not solving word problems for 3 years severely hinders your ability to solve word problems#and i also just cannot fuckin focus at all and it's frustrating#this homework is due tomorrow and im tired and wanna go to bed but none of it is done#lilac post#if this doesn't work out idk wtf else to do im hinging all my hopes on this
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The prev dovi post :(( i Love seeing people all over the country taking their kids on two wheelers. Like yeah wear a helmet for the love of everything! but. There is Nothing more fun as a kid than sitting backwards facing the road so you're going in reverse
#nothing cuter than little babies being taken on bikes bc that's the only way they'll stop crying#my mom used to let me stand in the front but once going to school we crashed 💀 and since then never lmao only back for me with her#the level of trust all those people have is insane not to romanticise smth so basic i just haven't been home in a while 💀
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You know, normally I see an update; get excited about reading more of the story and seeing more of Hoshino's gorgeous art; am ever so slightly confused with some details while reading because updates are so sporadic and I haven't had the chance to go back and give everything a proper re-read; and, unfailingly, leave with a wistful longing for Lavi (12 years real-life time since we last saw him and counting ✌️). This has been the pattern for the last several years --
but
but
BUT
This? I never thought I'd see this. I never knew I needed this. Link's expression? His posture? The direction their relationship is developing in? The lighting??
I am 100% okay with Lavi not appearing in this chapter, actually.
#dgm spoilers#dgm#like. i'd have to go back and rewatch/reread but i feel like last time we saw link#he and allen had a very different dynamic to this????#allen himself was just very different the last time we saw him interact with people before#we went through that whole flashback spree#again idk for sure because dgm has taken a back seat in my hyperfixations to other fandoms and it's been so long#since i engaged with it properly but#it really feels like allen has grown a lot since the flashbacks started ;____;#ANYWAY the main thing is that i am absolutely obsessed with this panel#in a way i haven't been obsessed with a manga panel for A Very Long Time (it was probably Bleach so... 2016?? ^^;)#ALSO this made me realize that more people need to make use of nose pinching/nose booping!!#it's criminally underutilized as a gesture of play/bonding/affection/hand offering#between this chapter and catching up on k//ny plus i still have one m//ny episode to watch#it has been /such/ a good day#i am very pleased with my fictional intake today :D
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Man i am so fucking tired of this orchestra
#like i guess that can be expected it's my 9th straight semester but also it really dif used to be better under the old prof#like it's basically a lab orchestra now were conducted by students more often than not#so a not insignificant amount of our time is just the prof telling the conductors shit not at all about the actual orchestra#also it used to be a string orchestra and while i do like some of the rep we've been playing it's not as much fun for the strings#which !! the winds are a bunch of music majors with other ensembles and private rep and stuff !!! but most of the strings this is it for us#and that's not even touching on the Stand Partner issues. maybe im just bitter about being demoted to 2nd AGAIN#but my stand partner is not good at orchestra etiquette so i end up doing page turns AND marking up the music#and sometimes having to explain stuff to him bc i know more and an probably better#partially my fault because i didn't practice the audition music as much as i should have I'll admit#but also we have to prepare solos for the auditions now which. i haven't taken lessons since spring of 2020 i just have olddd rep#again. we didn't do that for auditions before! it was ONLY the excerpts.#idk it's like we're simultaneously being hung out to dry and condescended to I'm just tired.
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It's been a good week. The first good week I've had in a while. I hope you all also have better days coming your way
#i made a chore chart for me and my sister. we live in a trash heap because we can't find the motivation to do anything#so i made a chart and assign her chores because her adhd gives her severe decision fatigue#the chores are non-negotiable they must be done before we get to do a fun thing/relax#shes already taken out 6 bags of trash this week. i set it outside the front door so when she comes home from work she can take it to the#dumpster without having to think about it or even coming inside and losing motivation#i also got approved for food stamps until November so now we get $300 a month for groceries and holy shit its fantastic#i got it on tues and they back payed for 2.5 months since i applied#so i got almost $700 to go stock up our foid yesterday. i went to Sam's and got bulk canned goods that we haven't been able to afford#i got meat and snacks and bulk seasonings because i go through garlic and onion powder so quickly and its expensive buying small bottles#our fridge is full for the first time in probably 6 months#i got a referral to an obgyn for the first time ever and in 2 weeks i go to my first ever pap smear because i have medicaid for reproductive#care. not for anything else but its a start#my mom sent me the newest book in my favorite series and i get to read it!#i feel like this all happened because i set things in motion. I'm done sitting around waiting for help because its not coming
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Okay so who's gonna get the guts to go tell Watcher they shouldn't be taking a Temu sponsorship
#I'm sure they don't know. I mean iNabber of all ppl also took a Temu sponsorship (although he ver quickly took the video down and reuploaded#it like the moment he found out)#They've also taken a Better Help sponsorship in the past but it's been a while since then a they haven't another so they probably know now#watcher entertainment#we are watcher
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#woof. if all goes to plan Tomorrow is the last day i have to take measurements forever. if all goes to plan. if all goes to plan. but im#not holding my breath bc thats asking for chaos. i think this week ive done a good job of not pushing it#in terms of not torturing myself and making myself insane. which is good bc its exhausting taking measurements with the ambient stress of#apartment hunting from across the country. ive toured 2 places from afar and applied to them. and im meeting with someone to talk abt#potentially being roommates tomorrow. which is terrifying bc i really just wanna beg them like pls pls like me so i can stop looking pls#like i have to rely on my charisma i guess when im a bit asocial and odd. not unlikable but idk maybe they want someone more normie idk#its exhausting. ive sent so many emails and so many places r like no u gotta physically visit. ugh#and i have to clean my whole apartment by Tuesday for my landlord to inspect bc i had to give them a 30 day notice or else they wouldn't#release my info for like referal on background checks. there should b flexibility in when i can leave tho. its just stressful#at least im doing this when im pretty stable and i stop taking measurements tomorrow but i haven't taken a break since last Saturday#and haven't really had time to properly draw which annoys me and apparently i wont get a break this weekend with all the cleaning i gotta do#but oh well. at least im better off than the other person i kno who is moving Tuesday across the country and currently doesnt have a place#to stay. so i guess theyre gonna b living out of their car for a while. im stressed enough a month out from leaving#sigh. im just v tired and my heart is beating too fast and i wanna start cleaning now but im sleepy#whenever we go sampling we joke that we have to make sacrifices to the weather gods for good conditions. i guess i gotta make sacrifices#to the housing gods 🙏 ugh. pls. i dont wanna still b doing this for another week when i wont have time bc ill actually have to focus on#things. ugh. cant wait to b in the future where i dont have to deal with this#unrelated
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During a break in the storm.
Santa Cruz, California (1/5/23)
#california#santa cruz#it's been wild#capitola and carmel are flooded and being evacuated#a few piers have been taken out#natural bridges state park has lost one of its cliffsides#the local reports are saying ocean swells are 20-30 feet higher than usual#meanwhile those of us up in the mountains are hunkering down with camp stoves and lanterns#crossing our fingers that a tree doesn't fall and take out the cabin#i'm sure some folks out there are like 'ugh californians are overreacting' but like#we haven't had rain like this since 1847#we don't have the infrastructure and also we've been in a drought for...idk like over a decade?#we desperately need this rain but oof it's gonna be a time and a half in the process#also our wildfires in the last few years have been so bad that whole swathes of land are still burnscars#which means no vegetation to hold the ground together#when you pair that with sudden heavy rain you get debris flows which can swallow roads and houses#so like...it's A Lot of different things. not 'just' rain.
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#vent post uwu havent seen those in a while have we <33#looks like a depressive episode again#aw shucks#:/#laid in bed all day. did absolutely nothing. slept for 18 hours.#havent washed my hair since saturday. havent taken my thyroid meds in three days so idk that may have sth to do with this too ig#my flat is a total mess and im ignoring all uni groupchats (uni itself as well) and non-groupchats too.#only pretending im Normal to my best friend even tho she explicitly asked me to tell her when im feeling Bad and she does reach out to me#with her problems but i just cant bring myself to talk to her about mine#also i miss my ed so badly i need it back desperately. and i mean DESPERATELY.#anyway. something is seriously seriously wrong with me rn. like fr.#and i still haven't found the earring kms#had a bit of a ✨strongly suicidal✨ moment yesterday like it really made me go Wowwwwww girl hold yer horses cause yeah.#we havent seen that one in a while either#(no matter what my evil poll tags might have said lmao). anyway. absolutely horrible last two days.#and i once again feel like the worst and most useless and most disgusting person in the world.#my body is trash and there's nothing in this world that i hate more than it. i wish it would just. evaporate. whatever.#i hate it with a passion. peace and love.
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Wee ha
#Arright here I go again I gotta do some of these when I gotta vent#posting this on the 17th of August#So the elestral thing is going alright. My focus has shifted a LOT there but I'm still working with em#But the majority of my work comes from another client now. It's another one of these things that I'd love to make by myself#But someone else is making it and wanting me to do the art and music. It's gonna be huge. What a life it is. Anyway#This gif is from yet another project I started recently. Separate from Smile More HoaM and anything else. I keep fucking doing this#But this one's strange. It reflects my current working skills I've built up all these years. A multimedia experience that has a start n end#featuring all your favourite elphame characters in a new style. I'm enjoying making it but there's one problem#I haven't worked on it in like a month and a half#Work is piling up. Pixel art is something I don't do for myself anymore#It's not even a case of “as soon as I have time to myself my fingers can't move" it's that I just do not have any spare time lmao#I meet Ashley once or twice a week. We still play digimon a lot but we're taking this month off since she's petsitting and can't go out lat#My flatmate has basically taken the summer off work since his job pays well enough for him to do so#so having him around to play games with is nice. Feels awkward taking baths with him in the house tho lmao#He is kind of the only reason I take breaks. I got pikmin 4 and it is incredible. Genuinely might have replaced Digimon World as 1st place#Mum took Andy and I to Netherlands recently. It was incredible. I played in a local digimon tournament and ate shit#Have just been so excited about travelling lately. Ashy taking me to manchester soon and I think we'll go london next spring or sooner#Worried I'm overdoing it with the tags so I'll sign off here. Work is stressing me out but it looks like big things are happening.#OH MY GOD I HAVE STOPPED BLEEDING BTW. Like almost altogether. Haven't in like a month. The trick is in the big box I rest my feet on.#It's too tall. I tried replacing it with a pile of folders half as tall and my bleeding fucking stopped. No crohn's disease or anything.#Just a big stupid fucking box. Anyway see you
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well. it finally happened (got a romance scene with a character I am not romancing)
#it was wyll and I felt very bad rejecting him :/#but also. dude. I haven't taken you out of camp since we were lvl 3. I haven't talked to you THAT much#the way the scene started after I went to sleep I fully thought him dancing was some sort of fever dream fairy trap#like I thought he was about to morph into a monster I was going to have to fight because it just did NOT make sense to my brain#the way he did this ONE NIGHT after the whole 'tried to murder my favorite person' camp fiasco is so funny to me#like I respect that he was shooting his shot. but all of you commented on the The Incident to me so I know you're aware it happened man#rosie plays video games poorly#squad without the s
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mary warleggan, née lashbrook, 1732-1771; mother of george, wife of nicholas, sister-in-law of cary, grandmother of ursula and valentine — person in her own right | it is a serious thing to be alive on this fresh morning in the broken world (and women know what it is to endure)
#poldark#george warleggan#the last picture is demelza at cardew and gosh if you haven't watched that deleted scene i'm BEGGING you to do so#it really shows just how absolutely gorgeous cardew is and what good taste mary and george had/have#so light and airy and bright#and the fact that they deleted demelza listening to the conversation but kept the actual conversation in really makes me wonder#whether it can be taken as canon that demelza is actually outside the door or if she never went to cardew at all#anyway i love that scene and i wish demelza and george had had more interactions and that they had slept together to make ross#angry at the bodrugan party 💅they deserve some nice hate sex#ANYWAY the point is: i love mary lashbrook with all my heart#her last name just SCREAMS 'free spirit who loves the open moors and stormy weather' and i would die for her#please just imagine her taking little george for walks through cardew's deer park and the rose gardens#and pointing fish out to him in the pond#since her death he doesn't like to go for walks in nature anymore#not even the performative walks in hyde park#he fills cardew with flowers in her honour but there's no magic for him left in them anymore#let society say of him what it likes#mine#oh and the 1771 death date is just my hc because we know for certain his mother was still alive when he was 9#and then ross' mother died in 1770#and i love the idea of little george being like 'oh that's terrible.. but at least i still have my mum'#and then a year later the same thing happens to him#and by 'love the idea of' i mean 'it absolutely annihilates me <333
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How did Steve end up with the bat though?
#why haven't we seen her since season 2#did she get taken back#like it was Nancy's and Jonathan put the nails in it so#Many questions#stranger things#St rewatch
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#august living#me chanting to myself on this t d ov#its ok to have dysphoria its ok to have dysphoria its ok to have dysphoria#bc i put an outfit that was kinda against school rules but vry much for the euphoria of it all together today#and then i did some fun more like metal head masc type makeup when i got home bc we got let out early#bc the building our schools in had the water shut off at lunch for maintenance#so i felt rlly fucking Man today and like. in a way that is so so so so close. so close. to how i wanna be.#that now that its later and ive taken and posted selfies and can look at them and go hes right there. hes right fucking there.#im having a dysphoria flare#god. god!! i haven't gone to any dr since my last check up for last years seizure#i haven't seen my gp in. like 2. years#the thought of seeing her and being like yes my records do say i had a medical event im here for gender tho.#is so fucking daunting.#but finding a new dr for gender sounds. worse.#the thought of diying is not a distant one but i know who i am and i wont keep track of like labs or other shit like that by myself#i want to not be a coward with medical stuff but i am!! i am and i hate it!! its ruining my fucking life and i cant fucking stop it
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