#so we had to find a new spot. tried to go to the ymca

[freudianslumber]

Today, Tomorrow and Forever

Summary:  Angel Elvis went through Hell when being falsely accused of betraying God.  Eventually found true love with LAPD narcotics officer B.B. King.

Chapter 8 Precious Stone

Pairing: B.B. King x Elvis Presley (m/m)

Word count:  3.2k

Warning:  18+. Street robbery, gang violence, assault and battery, romance, smut, aftercare

Elvis was upset.  He had set his sight on entering the Police Academy and becoming a police officer like B.B.  This dream was shattered when he realized he could pass neither the medical exam nor the fitness test, not to mention the background check. B.B. had to deliver the crushing news that without a social security number or driver’s license, Elvis was unlikely to be hired by any employer, period.  “Sorry honey.  I know it’s boring staying at home all day.” B.B. acknowledged.  “Oh Gunnie, ya know that’s not what I mean.  I-I just want to be more useful, that’s all.” Elvis replied, crestfallen.  B.B. felt bad for his lover, he came closer and rubbed Elvis on the cheeks, consoling him: “Don’t you worry, I promise I’ll try to find a way to get you a work permit soon.”  An idea came to his head: “If you want, you can probably volunteer at one of the local YMCA.” Elvis’ eyes lit up: “Does that mean I get to work with some school kids?” “I’d think so, I know you’d enjoy it.” B.B. smiled, relieved that he was able to cheer Elvis back up so soon.

It took them almost two weeks, but Elvis was finally accepted by a YMCA as a new afterschool program volunteer.  It wasn’t within walking distance so B.B. had to drive Elvis to and from the site three times a week.  But it was worth it seeing how happy and fulfilled Elvis seemed to be from helping and interacting with school-aged kids there.  The angel also got some color back in his face from being under the sun more often, such as when the whole group went on fieldtrips or played outdoors.  With Tina’s blessing, he was finally free from the CAM boot, now walking without a noticeable limp, although he still could not run properly.  But that did not stop Elvis from becoming an assistant in the martial arts class, helping the instructor with demonstration of techniques.  It was no surprise that “E.P.” connected quickly with the teenagers at the Y, having a natural rapport with youngsters and a warm personality. 

On this particular day Elvis was the last one to leave the facility since B.B. was held up by his work duties.  It was getting dark as he walked towards the parking lot at the back of the building where he normally waited for pick up.   When he entered the lot, he immediately spotted Timmy, a high school boy from his classroom who had left only ten minutes ago being cornered next to a car and shoved around by 4 or 5 hostile young men.  The parking lot was mostly empty, and some threats could clearly be heard coming from one guy wielding a knife: “Give it up, kid.  There’s no one else around here! Give me your money or I’ll cut you up!!”  The boy, ashen faced, opened his backpack with shaky hands and was trying to take out his wallet when it was snatched from him.  He was then punched in the face and tackled to the ground as he yelled: “Help!!” 

“Let him go!!” Elvis charged out from the other side of the car, kicking the armed robber in the head, knocking him out for a bit.  He then bent over and tried to grab the knife that was dropped on the ground, but was hit in the back of the head by someone and fell forward before he could get up.  Sharp pain shot through him as another robber stamped on his hand that was inches away from the knife.  “Timmy, run!!!” Elvis shouted to the highschooler who was momentarily left to the side but was frozen in terror.  Timmy jumped up and ran for his life, two of the robbers were about to chase after him when they were stopped by the one who seemed to be in charge: “Uh, let the kid go.  We got his money.  Let’s get outta here before the cops show up.”  “What about him?” one asked.  “Karate Kid??  He likes to be a hero, so we’ll teach him what it’s like to cross the Reapers!” All of them started laughing as kicks and punches rained down on Elvis.

Only minutes later, police siren sounds pierced through the night and multiple police vehicles could be heard fast approaching the intersection.  “The Reapers” unleashed a string of curses before they let go of Elvis, hastily retreated into their black Chevy Caprice and fled the scene.  Two police cars raced by in pursuit of their target, but another one squeaked to a stop right outside the dimly lit parking lot.  B.B. rushed out and ran over to Elvis who had been left on the pavement, curling up in pain and coughing slightly.  “Baby, are you okay? Sorry I’m late!” B.B. almost started sobbing.  Hearing his lover’s anxious voice, Elvis opened his eyes, which were swelling up and the right one was bloodshot from blunt trauma.  He looked up and smiled a little: “Gunnie, I’ll be fine.  Sorry I got into trouble again…”  B.B. had no words left in him as he just held Elvis in his arms and rocked him gently like a child.   

Miraculously, Elvis’ hemothorax did not relapse with the latest round of battery he had suffered.  His ribs and vision were preserved as well, all bruises and hematomas were thankfully superficial.  The blood in his eye disappeared on its own.  The facial swelling resolved with icing followed by warm compress after one and a half weeks.  The last to go were some fading bruises which had gravitated to his chin and neck.  The perpetrators were chased down and apprehended by B.B.’s current partner in the unit Officer Cassius Clay, referred to by everyone as simply “Clay”.  Clay was young and athletic, strong as an oak but lacked experience and guile.  He and Elvis got along very well and made fast friends.  After some consideration and getting approval from Elvis himself, B.B. let Clay in on the angel’s true identity.  The young officer was amazed of course but promised right away to keep this information strictly confidential.  Clay told Elvis the Reapers was a shorthand for “The Black Reapers”, a notorious local gang responsible for a large percentage of street crimes and drug trafficking in the surrounding neighborhoods.  Their leader’s name was Mad Mac, who had been arrested many times but always found a way not to be locked up for long.  He was a hardened criminal with an antisocial personality who had orchestrated lots of bloodshed with rival gangs and occasionally violent clashes with the police force.  B.B.’s previous partner Jimi died in a drug bust gone wrong when he and several other officers were outgunned by these gang members.  Elvis expressed great admiration for all the crime fighting officers for putting their lives on the line, and wished one day he could join them.  In private however, he couldn’t help fearing for the safety of his Gunnie. 

Every now and then Elvis and Clay would attend B.B. and Fats’ blues set at Moody Blue’s.  Elvis would sit in the audience incognito, trying not to draw too much attention to himself for fear of being recognized again.  Sometimes after the restaurant closed Elvis would stay and sing songs on the guitar or the piano, with only B.B., Clay and Fats in the audience.  The jolly owner of the establishment was also made aware of Elvis’ true origin and background, who responded with eyes as big as saucers at first but then nodded furiously with recognition as everything clicked in his mind.  Elvis was happy and relieved to be able to act as his true self around B.B.’s two closest friends, without any pretense or deception.  The three musicians would sometimes jam all the way till daybreak, sharing their love of old-time blues and gospel music, with Clay cheering them on. 

A short drive away in an abandoned warehouse in East LA, the Black Reapers held a high-level meeting, only selected lieutenants and enforcers were allowed to participate.  All of the thugs had the moniker of “Reapers” tattooed on their necks.  One of them presented a photo to the leader Mad Mac, who took a look and spoke: “You better be sure about this, we’re dealing with the underworld here.  If this is not who you say he is, we may all end up dead!!”  The lieutenant reported that multiple sources had corroborated the identity of this individual.  Mad Mac then burst out in a reckless cackle: “This is too easy! The angel has no special power and is easy prey, we just need to kidnap him and turn him over to the demon captain and we’ll have all the crack cocaine we want!”  “But he lives with that narcotics cop…” His subordinate pointed out.  “Detective King?” Mad Mac gave a quick wave of his hand dismissively and gritted his teeth: “I knew him from way back! He won’t be a problem! We’ll take care of him first and then Elvis is ours!”  His minions broke out in unintelligible murmurs amongst themselves at that declaration.         

It had been over two months since Elvis was rescued by B.B. in Sequoia, but it felt like they had known each other forever.  Whenever they were off work, the two lovers were practically inseparable.  In early April, they embarked on a camping trip to Yosemite National Park, hiking a trail through Yosemite Valley, taking in the lush landscape and the spectacular waterfalls along the way.  They also went bird watching in the morning, listening to the chirping all around and even spotted a pair of robins high up in the branches.  Elvis had to rest up frequently due to suboptimal lung capacity and his weak ankle.  B.B. told him to rest as long as he wanted and spent the time taking photos of the scenery, and scenery with his lovely angel in it.  By the time the couple arrived at the camping ground, it was getting rather late.  Elvis helped B.B. set up their tent and start up a campfire.  They roasted some chicken drumsticks, sausages and corn.  Afterwards they had fun making s’mores out of Graham crackers, Hershey’s bar and marshmallows.   As the night wound down and the campfire dimmed, the two sat next to each other and looked up at the stars in the night sky in silence.

“Elvis?” B.B. called out, turning to admire the profile inches away from him that looked like it was carved out of marble.  “Yeah, Gunnie?” Elvis was now facing him with interest.  “I’ve been to all of the National Parks, but Yosemite is definitely my favorite. I’ve always thought when I die, I’d like to have my ashes spread here.” Elvis slapped B.B. jokingly across the arm: “Stop saying that! Can’t believe you wanna talk about death on a perfect night like this!”  B.B. giggled, catching the young man’s hand and kissed it: “It’s been the perfect night, hasn’t it?” His warm brown eyes scanned over the other’s face tenderly: “Well, I got somethin’ for you honey, I hope you’ll like it.”  He fumbled in his pocket and produced a small velvet box, opened it revealing a simple but elegant blue sapphire platinum ring.  “Oh my God!” Elvis’ eyes widened, putting a hand over his mouth in shock, “W-What’s that?”  “It’s not much but it matches your eyes and it’s a symbol of my love for you.  Elvis darlin’, will you marry me?”  With those words, B.B.’s large hand covered the angel’s slender one and squeezed it.  Hope and passion exuded from his eyes, overwhelming his companion.  Elvis felt his breaths sped up as tears threatened to fall, he put the other hand over that of his boyfriend and shook it: “Yes, yes, I’ll marry you in a heartbeat Gunnie!  I just can’t believe how wonderful and sweet you are, it’s like a dream!”  B.B. grabbed Elvis by the back of his neck and pulled him in for a deep kiss.  Elvis felt drank and euphoric after B.B. took all the air out of his lungs before finally releasing him.  Happy tears flowed freely as B.B. held Elvis’ left hand and slipped the amazingly well fitted jewelry onto his ring finger. ��   

“One more thing…” B.B. added as the two of them admired the new ring on Elvis’ hand: “I hope you don’t mind that I put a gadget in this ring.”  He pressed next to one of the tiny diamonds adorning the central sapphire, and suddenly a sharp blade sprang out from the ring, causing Elvis to gasp.  B.B. squeezed his arm around his fiancé’s shoulder: “Sorry to scare ya, darlin’.  I’ve been really worried about ya after what happened at the Y last time, just want ya to have more protection.”  He fiddled with the tiny diamond on the opposite side of the blue sapphire and the blade disappeared just as quickly as it had appeared.  Mouth agape, Elvis’ mind was blown by the intricacy of this ingenious design.  He could see how useful and effective this could function as a stealth self-defense weapon.  “Gunnie, I’m speechless…  This requires so much thought and planning I can’t even fathom it!” 

Serene moonlight cascaded through the overhead skylight in the tent as the two lovers finally retreated inside for the night.  The camping ground was quiet except for the faint sound of trees rustling in the wind and the occasional distant noises made by nocturnal animals in the woods.  The two were locked in a passionate embrace, mouths and hands everywhere up and down each other’s bodies.  Pieces of clothing were quickly shed as their loving caresses went on and needy whines began to come out of Elvis, punctuated by B.B.’s low groans.  Panting and out of breath, Elvis managed to utter: “Gunnie… Tonight is the night, please go all the way with me.  I wanna feel ya inside of me so bad!”  B.B. took a minute to admire the sight of his angel lying so enticingly beneath him, cerulean eyes filled with lust and desire.  He ran one hand through the silky locks of his fiancé, patted his thigh with the other hand and reassured: “Wait here honey, I’ll give you everything you want!”  B.B. found his backpack in the corner of the tent, opened an inner pocket and took out a tube of K-Y jelly.  He placed a small folded blanket under Elvis’ lower back and buttocks, then spread his legs wide apart.  Next B.B. lubed up his fingers with plenty of gel, and massaged lightly around his lover’s exposed hole: “Baby, are you ready?  I’m going in.”  Came the strained reply from Elvis: “Yes, please hurry. I can’t wait to feel you in me!” As if to prove it, the angel reached down and spread his butt cheeks for B.B., who growled at this show of eagerness from his lover and proceeded to bury a finger inside.

Despite begging from Elvis, B.B. took his time to stretch him out because he did not want to evoke any traumatic memories from all the rape and abuse Elvis had suffered in the past.  To ease the unavoidable discomfort of intrusion, B.B. pumped his lover’s cock with the other hand in concert with his fingering, making Elvis moan and writhe in pleasure.  When B.B. felt satisfied with prepping Elvis well, he paused and started to pump his own half-mast member.  Elvis, still lying on his back with legs spread, called out to his man with arms extended toward him: “Gunnie, come here.  Let me help ya!”  B.B. complied, crawling over next to Elvis’ head.  Elvis rolled onto his stomach with his head propped up on one elbow. Using the free hand, he took a hold of B.B.’s cock and wrapped his cherubic lips around its head.   B.B. moaned loudly as Elvis’ agile tongue licked and swirled over B.B.’s manhood while swallowing him down.  Only a few minutes of slurping and head-bopping made B.B. fully erect with precum leaking out.  He grabbed a hold of the hair at the back of Elvis’ head and pulled on it gently: “Stop honey, if you don’t want me to come in your mouth right now!”  The angel obediently opened up his mouth and let go of B.B.’s member then.  The older man repositioned Elvis on his back in the previous pose, with buttocks propped up and hands holding his own legs apart.  Then B.B. held his cock and pushed it slowly inside of the well stretched entrance of his lover.  Elvis let out a sigh: “Yes Gunnie, please give it to me!” B.B. had to marvel at the incredible sensation of having himself deep inside of his angel, then he pulled back until he was almost out and launched into a rhythm in earnest.      

Elvis felt so full and satiated, no aphrodisiac could ever make him feel this way.  He wrapped his legs possessively around B.B.’s back, kneading his well-defined back muscles with both hands, then pulled him down seeking kisses.  His lover gladly seized his lips and plundered his mouth.  His cock was trapped between their bodies and was fully erect without being touched.   Moreover, it was twitching occasionally from all the stimulation occurring from behind.  As Elvis was getting close to the inevitable release, B.B. suddenly pulled out and instructed him to switch position.  B.B. turned Elvis over and put him on all fours facing away while he grabbed Elvis around his narrow hips and inserted again from behind.  The change of position allowed B.B. to penetrate even deeper, hitting a sensitive spot which made Elvis see stars.  B.B. could tell his lover was getting close, he stroked the soft and smooth skin over Elvis’ lower belly, then wrapped his hands around his cock, pumping it while continuing to take him from behind.  Only seconds later Elvis arched his back and exclaimed: “Gunnie, I’m coming!” as he emptied his seeds onto the air mattress below.  

As Elvis came down from his climax, he lost strength in his body and the arms collapsed under him.  His head was now buried partially in a pillow and his chest had fallen down to the mattress, but he kept his behind in position for his lover to access.  This picture in front of him was too cute and irresistible for B.B., he bent down, kissed Elvis on the back and licked his wing stumps, while reaching his hands underneath to rub on his nipples.  All the sensation was so overwhelming Elvis nearly passed out, all he could do was to whimper and call out for Gunnie in a broken voice as B.B. sped up his thrusts, stuttered and finally released his load deep inside of him.   

B.B. remained in the spoon position covering Elvis from the top for a few moments before he cleared his mind and got off of his lover.  He turned Elvis over, looked over the angelic features under the pale moonlight, and could barely believe this ethereal creature was going to marry him soon.  He sat up, poured some water from a bottle over a washcloth he found in the backpack, then used the damp cloth to clean up the ejaculate left on the mattress, the splatter on Elvis’ abdomen and the saliva smeared over his lips and around his mouth.  Still a little woozy and panting from the exertion, Elvis murmured: “Sorry for making a mess again, Gunnie.”  B.B. corrected him right away: “Never apologize, honey.  You’re perfect the way you’re, remember that.”  Elvis responded with an affectionate smile: “What did I do to deserve you, Gunnie.  I just wanna be with you forever.”

[homestuck--edits]

hey!! i feel bad coming in and requesting so much stuff, so if you dont want to do it, its fine! could i possibly get a talksprite of my oc aontwi with a damara base? she is a limeblood if that helps! thank you so much for all your hard work!

her :))

-mod davesprite

[myrandomfandomramblings]

A Chenford fanfic - in which Lucy and Tim dance at Angela’s wedding

Angela and Wesley’s wedding had gone off without a hitch due in no small part to Tim’s work as ‘Man of Honour’. Now his job was done and all he had to do was “go have some fun. Enjoy the rest of the night.” That had been a direct order from the bride herself. However, Tim had enjoyed having a role, a purpose, making sure his best friend had the special day she deserved. Now he didn’t know what to do with himself, so he sat alone at his table. 

Throughout the rest of the reception the table had been full, occupied by Sergeant Grey and his wife, Jackson, Nyla, Nolan, and Lucy, but they had all quickly taken the dance floor when that part of the evening had begun. Tim on the other hand had insisted he didn’t dance and stubbornly stuck to that every time Lucy returned to the table for a drink and tried to convince him to join her and the rest of their friends. Tim had no desire to do the Macarena, YMCA, cha-cha slide or whatever other weird dance moves they were rocking when the song didn’t provide instructions. He was pretty sure he saw Nolan do the sprinkler, Jackson do the worm, Lucy do the running man and even Nyla get in on the absurdity with some disco moves. And that was all just during the last song. 

When the song changed, so did the vibe and the moves. It was a slower song, ‘Lover’ by Taylor Swift, Tim thought. Although he didn’t know how he knew that and definitely would deny it if anyone asked. Everybody on the dance floor had now grabbed a partner. Most of the couples were either closely pressed together simply swaying on the spot or doing the classic square step pattern as they carried casual conversations. The exception was Lucy and Jackson who appeared to be improvising an elaborate dance routine that involved very exaggerated facial expressions and an excessive amount of spinning and dipping each other. Tim rolled his eyes but couldn’t fight the small smile tugging at his lips. The reason for the over-the-top performance became more clear to Tim as the night wore on. 

Every time a slow song came on Lucy would grab a new partner:  one of Angela’s brothers, Nolan, another one of Angela’s brothers, Nyla, and every time she would step on their feet so many times that by the end of the song they were limping and she was beet red, apologizing profusely.  She even managed to give the second brother a bleeding nose when she abruptly looked up from her feet and her head collided with his face. So when the next slow song came on, John Legends’s ‘All of Me,’ Tim found himself standing up from his seat and walking towards the dance floor. He couldn’t handle anymore secondhand embarrassement. 

Tim had taken dance lessons to prepare for his first dance with Isabel. That felt like a lifetime ago but he was confident he still remembered the basics of the Waltz and he was determined to teach Lucy and make her the best dancer there. After all, he had yet to find something she didn’t excel at given the chance to learn especially when he was the one doing the teaching. 

It didn’t take him long to find Lucy. Unsurprising, considering, if he was being honest with himself, he hadn’t taken his eyes off her all night. She was once again dancing with Jackson but this time they were in proper hold and it appeared Jackson was trying to teach her how to not step on her partner’s feet. 

“Mind if I cut in?” Tim asked as he approached the pair. Their shocked expressions suddenly made him self-conscious. What had he been thinking. Before he could really overthink it Jackson was leaving, saying something about having to use the bathroom anyway, and Lucy’s hands were on his shoulders.

“I should warn you,” Lucy said looking up at him, “I appear to have to left feet. I’ve been injuring my dance partners all night.”

Tim placed one hand on the small of her back and took her left hand in his other. “I’ve noticed,” he smirked, “and I’m here to help. Do you trust me?” 

She gave him a questioning look but nodded.

He spent the next couple minutes slowly guiding her both with his body and voice. “Step forward with your left foot. Your other left. Good, now forward and to the right with your right. OK but on a diagonal, you don’t have to go forward then right. Now bring your feet together. Ow! that was my foot. Left to right, not right to left. Now left foot back. And right back and to the right. Now feet together again, right to left. Good and now we are back where we started and we just repeat. Left foot forward…” 

Lucy was just starting to get it when the song ended and ‘Party in the USA’ came on. Tim went to let go of Lucy but she held him where he was.

“I’m just starting to get the hang of it. We can’t stop now,” Lucy stated, “please stay.” She fixed him with those puppy dog eyes he couldn’t say no to so Tim obliged and continued coaching her. 

The only problem was the pump-up pop beats that the DJ was currently favouring were significantly louder than the slow song they were initially dancing to, which meant Tim found himself pulling Lucy closer and leaning down, practically talking right beside her ear so his instructions could be heard over the music. Even when she no longer needed the verbal cues they stayed that close, caught up in their own little world as they moved in unison. When another slow song finally came on, ‘Perfect’ by Ed Sheeran this time, Tim felt Lucy tense like this was some sort of evaluation. He squeezed her hand and whispered in her ear. 

“You’ve got this, and I’ve got your back.” He felt her relax and they quickly fell back into the now familiar routine. When the song ended she pulled away from him slightly. 

“I did it. An entire slow dance and I didn’t cause a single, even minor, injury,” she beamed, staring up at him clearly proud of herself.

Tim smiled and shook his head. “Only because you had such a great teacher.”

Lucy rolled her eyed and playfully pushed his shoulder. “So what’s next?” she asked.

“Next?”

“Yeah, I got the walk in a box thing down but there’s got to be more to it than that. Show me the cool moves Tim.”

Tim didn’t think twice about fulfilling her request. They spent the rest of the night in each others arms as they slowly mastered more and more steps. When the DJ announced the final song of the night it was 3 am and they had the entire dance floor to themselves. 

Shania Twain’s ‘From This Moment On’ began playing, and they glided around the dance floor like they were dancing on air, perfectly in sync. They stepped and spun and dipped and swayed as Tim tried to memorize every moment. The way Lucy’s eyes shone when they met his and the little smile that played on her lips. The playful laugh that escaped her when he lifted her off the ground. The feeling of her hand in his, of her head on his shoulder and her breath on his neck. The warmth of her body pressed against his and her familiar scent overwhelming his senses. Then the song ended and the beautiful trance was broken. Tim drove Lucy home. She thanked him for a wonderful night and neither of them ever mentioned it again. At least not for another couple years when they finally addressed what had been building between them and started dating. Then dancing became a common part of date night and a few years after that they got to show off their moves at their own wedding.

[nothingunrealistic]

naturally was going "hmm what kind of fins (fish) would young taylor in the bathtub wish for. how would we know what they think would be the best fish tail to have" & then was just thinking of Younger Taylor Hcs just in general. got any you'd wanna share, or like, any faves from what's been provided either as unofficial ideas or via those glimpses of info in the show's text. Fave can be in a "truly enjoy this" way & or simply more of a "truly Thinking About This An Extra Lot" sense lol. They

Boy Do I… first, a listing of everything we Know from canon about their childhood / early life / family:

taylor grew up in “a place like” connerty’s small apartment where “the heat pipes bang practically all night��� in the winter [2x11]

taylor’s mom would deem the apartment they rented for her & douglas too expensive, and if she & douglas were shopping for furniture, they’d argue about how much things cost [4x07]

taylor never thought they’d be thinking about living a life where they book private jets [2x09]

the masons’ home is hundreds of miles from any body of water (as shown here) and douglas had to fly to nyc to see taylor [4x03]

douglas figures taylor’s mom won’t miss him getting in her way back home [4x03]

taylor has a sister; when she gets married, in michigan, taylor is part of the wedding party [2x09]

at a young age, taylor was always measuring information around them, and sweet / affectionate, especially toward douglas [4x03]

taylor’s favorite cereal as a kid was frosted flakes [4x09]

taylor was never really douglas’s “little girl” like he claims [4x03]

the first time douglas brought taylor to his lab, it meant a lot to them, and the next day they gave him designs to remake it [4x06]

douglas taught taylor: “don’t just have an idea, build the model that proves it” [4x07]

according to douglas, taylor gets the “unyielding compulsion to get it right” from him, and their relationship was best when they “kept things mathematical” [4x03]

douglas wishes he could have built real wealth / success and given it all to taylor [4x03]

wendy mentions to taylor that douglas has “exploited your need for his approval,” and taylor agrees that douglas only cares about his own advancement rather than being a father first [4x07]

douglas dislikes the military / the government [4x06]

taylor is surprised by douglas quoting a pop song [4x07]

when taylor was younger, the bathtub was the only place they could go to be alone and think, and they’d press their legs against the sides hard enough to make them go numb [3x11]

taylor started playing online poker at age 12 under the screen name ZackCody892 and played up to 16 tables at a time (and for thousands of hours) [2x03]

douglas was fired from his job at an aerospace firm when taylor was in 7th grade. this firing damaged their relationship with him and “affected the home life.” for years, taylor thought douglas had been fired so that the firm could steal his invention, and only found out the truth from his personnel file [2x11, 4x05, 4x06]

taylor has had 927 hours of therapy prior to their session with dr. gus, and that number hasn’t changed at their first session with wendy [2x03, 2x08]

douglas, in bringing taylor food and coffee, claims they rarely take the time to look after themself [4x04]

taylor used to lie to themself and others but is now past that, and knows “how hard it is to have things inside you that you can’t communicate” and “what it’s like to face public scrutiny over who you are” [2x08, 3x02, 4x04]

when taylor reminds douglas about their pronouns, he says “this talk again?”, implying it’s a discussion they’ve had before [4x03]

taylor once got into a bar fight with a high school classmate (it’s unclear whether they were still in high school at the time) after seeing y tu mamá también in a theater [5x07]

taylor was active in occupy wall street in college [2x10]

taylor played poker in college against classmates, grad students, & professors, but their opponents kicked them out for winning too much; additionally, the competitive aspect made them sick (described as “malaise” or “vertigo-like symptoms”) [2x03, 4x12]

taylor planned to go to chicago for grad school and study with eugene fama [2x02]

mafee picked taylor as his intern because they were the only applicant who wasn’t boring / didn’t care about the same bullshit that everyone from wharton or harvard did [5x04]

douglas initiated the visit to taylor, claiming it was because he’d missed them, after not being ready to see them even though taylor’s mother wanted to visit countless times [4x03, 4x07]

taylor is trying to be “everything to their father” in funding his company, and neither of them will be able to come back from taylor being forced to betray him [4x06, 4x07]

wow that’s a long list. and now, my own thoughts and extrapolations:

taylor grew up somewhere in the west / midwest with their parents and sister, who’s a few years older than them, in a house small enough that they had to share a bedroom with her. hence, needing to hide out in the bathtub to get any space & time alone.

from very early on, taylor was douglas’s favorite child and he was their favorite parent — douglas saw taylor’s intelligence & insight (and saw himself in them) and chose to put time & effort into teaching / guiding / molding them, hoping they’d one day follow in his footsteps / support his ambitions, and taylor liked that attention & recognition. (douglas’s attitude toward taylor’s sister is essentially “well she’s here too i guess.”)

douglas taught taylor enough about aerospace engineering & mathematics for them to understand the value of his lattice fin concept, and to generally have a better grasp of engineering concepts than your average (even very well-read) business major / financier. (remember how rebecca knew a robot’s “proprietary” power source was a combustion engine because her father was a mechanic? same deal here. see also: the “smash electronics apart to find the microchips inside and figure out who makes them” strategy; taylor comparing losing grigor’s money to building a turbo engine and having the nitrous tank blow up in their face.) this manifested in both directly teaching them in his lab and in playing games like the silverware-stacking game we see in 4x03, or like douglas throwing out math problems for taylor to solve on the spot, or the two of them solving math problems together.

douglas also imparted his taste in music (which does not include anything new / popular) to taylor, though their taste as an adult (or even as, like, a teenager) isn’t identical to his. this is how they discovered rush in the first place and why they have such strong opinions about The Best Rush Albums. (if douglas had such a ranking, it’d be closer to axe’s than to taylor’s.)

listening to rush helped make taylor a libertarian 😔 that’s just life when you’re a neil peart stan, which of course they are. they admire his lyrics + his drumming talent + his absolute poker face in performances.

douglas also taught taylor to play blackjack, which inspired them to go and learn poker on their own and start playing online. they tried to keep it a secret, but it's hard to be secretive about spending hours a day playing online poker on the family computer. (this is 2006 or so, after all.)

taylor figured out that they were Not A Girl (or at least had thoughts of “hm i don’t enjoy being addressed / perceived as A Girl”) fairly young but didn’t acquire a concrete vocabulary for / specific understanding of that for some time. (if douglas is calling they/them pronouns “that woke stuff” in 2019, he sure wasn’t saying anything clear or favorable about trans people in 2009 or 1999. ditto for online poker sites.)

douglas’s firing exacerbated every negative aspect of the mason family dynamic. he doubled down on pushing taylor toward his field, urging them to succeed where he’d failed, and warning them against letting anyone Steal Their Value. money got tighter, taylor’s parents argued more, and any activities taylor was in (like, say, swimming at the ymca) that required payment got cut; they may have figured out how to make money (illegally!) from online poker at this point. the combined stress of financial instability, being torn between pursuing their own ambitions and fulfilling douglas’s expectations for them, and increasing Gendered Expectations in general — plus the whole “playing online poker for hours a day” thing — probably put taylor in therapy within a few months, if they weren’t in therapy already. (how did their parents pay for it? i don’t know either.)

stealing this from that interview asia & brian & david did in 2017: if taylor had not already taught themself to think and speak directly & incisively and look people in the eye when they talk, et cetera, it started here, whether in therapy or on their own time.

taylor went to college in new york city. douglas did not want them to do this, for a number of reasons, and would have preferred they stick closer to home (and study something other than finance), but doing so would have made them miserable.

by the time they finished high school (circa 2012), taylor had properly heard of trans people and figured that they were somehow One Of Them, but not until college did they hear of people being nonbinary and go “ohhhh yeah that’s me.” (they’d also gotten a Short Haircut in high school, but didn’t go full buzzcut until college. unsurprisingly, they got some shit in high school for being Visibly gnc.)

for some period of time while figuring out their gender situation, taylor went by the name neil as a nod to neil peart. (it’s fun to imagine that they still have a faceless twitter / tumblr account where they go by neil. doubles as a way to prevent anyone connecting it to their real life.)

taylor came out to their family while in college. their mom and sister had fairly similar reactions of “well i don’t Get this exactly, but i love you and want to support you and i’m sure you know what you're talking about better than i do and you did clearly hate it every time i urged you to conform to Standards Of Womanhood so sure i can call you Them and my [child / sibling] :)” given some time to think about it. douglas… well. if he’s starting from a place of “i don’t get this,” he’ll end up at “so it must be wrong and stupid, because i’m always right,” especially if This = his favorite child being different in some significant way from who / what he thought they were. obviously he doesn’t react well or supportively, and the strain in his relationship with taylor tips over into full-blown estrangement. bad times for everyone.

if taylor’s bar fight happened when they were old enough to legally enter a bar, it happened after coming out to their family (also after the live poker fiasco), and before making plans for grad school / internships. most likely it was on a summer break they were spending back in their hometown. (another fun thought: taylor seeing the video of axe punching a guy, just weeks after they punched a guy, and going “well maybe i should work for him.”)

if douglas was at taylor’s sister’s wedding (and maybe he wasn’t!), it was awkward for everyone when he and taylor crossed paths again. barest of pleasantries, passive-aggressive comments, et cetera. naturally, it took a few more years — and douglas realizing that taylor, now being fairly wealthy and successful, could probably fund his dream project if they didn’t hate him — for him to decide to visit them.

[keelywolfe]

FIC: It's a Lovely Afternoon In Ebott (baon)

Summary: ...and Edge is going to spend it in the park with his husband. Surely nothing will go wrong!

Tags:  Spicyhoney, Established Relationships, Humor, Fluff

~~*~~

Part of the ‘by any other name’ series.

Read it on AO3

or

Read it here!

~~*~~

“so, what do you have going on today?”

Simple words, but they immediately put Edge on guard. He knew them for what they truly were and that was a trap.

“Nothing specific,” Edge hedged. His real plan was to catch up on some paperwork. His husband’s so-called innocent smile widened, and it was as good as a snare, catching Edge against his will and holding him in because there was little that he wouldn’t do to keep that smile around a little longer. He sighed inwardly and gave into his fate, “What did you have in mind?”

“i am so glad you asked.” Stretch climbed over the arm of the sofa and clumsily sprawled into Edge’s lap, “i thought maybe we could go to the park.”

It was difficult to hold back a grimace. Normally, Edge would be more than happy to go to the park. Ebott park was a true community project; the Embassy donated regularly for everything from the flower beds to repairs. There were walking trails and a nature center that held classes for everything from bird watching to stargazing. Last year, the community contributed to the building of a fully accessible tree-house that anyone could visit, whether they were a child or only one at heart. A trip to the park made for a truly enjoyable day.

Today, however, Edge found he was reluctant. His leg was healing well, but he still wasn’t completely back on his feet and while he could bring his mobility scooter or his cane, his deepest instincts screeched against revealing such weaknesses.

Ridiculous thinking, he was already exposed from returning to work at the Embassy. As many times as his intuitions had saved him in the past, he couldn’t allow them to hold him back in this world. As Red told him before, if he wasn’t willing to adjust, then why did they bother coming up into the sunshine?

Stretch was looking up from his lap, waiting with patient hopefulness. If Edge told him he was too tired or his leg was bothering him, Stretch would accept that, and nothing would come of it but fleeting disappointment.

Instead, Edge settled a hand on Stretch’s skull, smoothing a gloved thumb over the curved bone. “What is it that has you so interested in the park?”

“I’m so glad you asked,” Stretch fumbled out his phone and held it out wrongside up, showing an upside-down photo of a lake. “according the community board, this year’s ducklings have hatched and they are on the lake as we speak. they are inviting visitors to come see the new residents and to feed the ducks.”

“Ducks,” Edge repeated slowly, drawing out the ‘s’ in a sibilant hiss. "Why would we want to feed random ducks?"

Stretch shifted in his lap, grinning, "because i'm not on a first name basis with any other ducks?"

"You have chickens."

"that is true,” Stretch agreed, “but as far as i am aware, i don't have a lake or ducks, which is why i’m having to outsource."

“There will be rules.”

“babe, i never expected anything else.”

“You will not approach the ducks any closer than feeding range,” Edge ticked each one off on a finger, “You do not pet the ducks. We will not be bringing a duck home with us nor a duckling. Nor any other incarnation or distant relation of a duck. Nothing even remotely duck-like will be joining us, period."

“we’re feeding the ducks, babe, i’m not plotting a poultry heist,” Stretch scoffed, “anything else, commandant?”

“No, thank you, and the honorific of Captain will suffice.”

~~*~~

The drive alone was an enjoyable one, the weather warm enough to put the convertible top down. Stretch sprawled out in the passenger seat, sunglasses in place and his face tilted into the breeze.

When they pulled into the parking lot, it was already lined with cars, families caravanning in with their SUVs, beleaguered parents trailing behind carrying coolers and wagons while their children ran ahead. The parking spot Edge found was far from ideal, his convertible squeezed in between a Jeep and a somewhat battered minivan with a collection of cheery stick figures decals in the back window to clarify exactly how many members were in their family, parents and children, all the way down to a vapid-looking fish.

Already Edge was picturing the dents from overeager young passengers slamming open their doors into the sides of his car and Edge grit his teeth, rounding the car to get their own cooler from the trunk. “I hope you brought some bread to feed these newsworthy ducks.”

“bread?” Stretch scoffed, only just catching himself from leaning on the car’s quarter panel. He aborted before a single bony finger touched, and possibly scratched, the glossy red paint, and crammed both hands into his short pockets instead. “bread is terrible for ducks, we can keep the carbs for french toast day. i brought frozen peas!"

Edge stopped, looking around the trunk lid at his husband. “The peas from our freezer? The ones from our garden last year that I was planning to use this weekend?”

"…no?"

“Did no one tell me that this is opposite day where no means yes?” Edge said to no one in particular, then directly back at Stretch, ”You do realize that if you try to replace any frozen garden vegetables in our freezer with some awful generic purchased from the grocery store, I will notice, don’t you.”

Stretch only breezed past him, heading into the park, and as Edge slammed the trunk shut, he almost thought he heard, “you didn’t last time.”

Straight into the park from the lot was the playground, shrieks of laughter carrying from the structure to the scattered picnic tables and pavilions. The lake was deeper in, its murky water not meant for swimming and the surrounding shaggy vegetation was cleared away around the long dock. Out in the placid water were a couple of boats, any passengers more concerned with their afternoon naps than the fishing poles in their laps.

The rest of the park was not only on another page, but an entirely different book. A glance showed the playground was overloaded with children making use of the swings and teeter-totters. There were plenty more children on and around the dock being coached by their parents to lightly toss their treats to the ducks and the tiny yellow puffs of their offspring, not hurl them. Still others ran along the lake shore, laughing and shouting, playing tag and the occasional parent towering over them offered no reprimands as they ran and shoved their way around.

That careless childish roughhousing gave Edge pause. Normally a crowd wouldn’t bother him. Well, that wasn’t precisely true, but he was able to quash his worries for the most part, particularly around the Monster children.

At this park, surrounded by so many Humans, it was difficult to stifle a protest over Stretch venturing out onto the dock. Children could be incautious, could be easily frustrated, and their parents could be easily roused by any slight, real or imagined. It would take less than most Humans would expect for them to seriously injure Stretch; Humans had so much more physicality than Monsters, their intent carried more weight. A little childish roughhousing that would mean nothing to a human child past a bit of sullen retaliation could badly hurt a Monster with low HP.

It was one of the reasons Edge’s was reluctant to bring Stretch along for his work with the YMCA. They were good children, but they were children. Better to keep Stretch away so that no one suffered any unfortunate consequences.

And therein lay a problem. Refusing to bring Stretch to the Y was his choice and one that he suspected exasperated Stretch though he never pushed. Here, he had no right to try to stifle Stretch in any way. In light of his recent rise in HP, Stretch was likely to be even more frustrated by any overprotectiveness.

Even asking Stretch to perhaps consider another time or day to indulge in his recent need to offer frozen peas to strange ducks wouldn’t go over well, might even anger Stretch, and Edge wouldn’t blame him if it did. As he so often reminded Edge, he was the older of the two of them and he’d been dealing with his low HP all his life.

Stretch knew how to take care of himself or he wouldn’t be here now, and oh, how much Edge wished he hadn’t thought that. He busied himself with setting their cooler beneath an out of the way shady tree, shaking out a blanket for them to sit on.

Stretch helped him spread out the blanket, giving the park a thoughtful glance.

“huh, pretty crowded, isn’t it,” Stretch peered at the dock, his mouth twisting, “maybe i’ll take a walk around the shoreline, see if i can find a less populated clearing.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” Edge tried to keep the gratitude from his voice and thought he was mostly successful. Only mostly, since Stretch offered him a lopsided smile before ambling off in the direction of the lake with his pilfered bag of peas.

It was something of a relief to sit down on their picnic blanket, a slight grunt escaping him as he stretched out his leg in front of him. It was better, Edge reminded himself, slow as it was, every day it was getting better and even if he’d had to barter for a little illicit healing on his first day back to the Embassy, it was better since then. In fact, he should send a thank you card for the kindness, perhaps a small gift, and—

Sudden shouts made him jerk and Edge scrambled awkwardly to his feet, scanning the crowd. There were Humans running away from the lake, mostly shrieking children, their short legs churning as they ran. The long glass was rustling fiercely, parting violently and that was when he saw Stretch. At first, Stretch was all but scrambling in the air like a character in an old Scooby Doo cartoon. Once he got moving, though, he was surprisingly quick for someone who claimed to have perfected the ancient art of laziness.

Long legs carried him swiftly away and Edge, along with the rest of the park, was treated to the sight of skeleton who topped the tape measure at nearly seven feet tall sprinting frantically away from a large goose.

Edge watched mutely as Stretch scrambled up the first available tree with hardly a pause, clinging to the trunk as he came to a stop on a wide branch. The goose paused at the base of the tree, flapping its wings threateningly as it hissed up at the branches.

Well. That was…well.

There were a few options available here. Edge could head back to the car, start it up, and leave Stretch here to his new home. Perhaps Edge could move away, join the circus. Substitute knife throwing for bones, he had a deft hand, no apple would be safe from his wroth, and he’d look excellent in tight costume.

Or he could take up bank robbery, he’d read the plan that Stretch drew up for the game that he and Jeff were playing, a little classic heisting to support himself until he went down in a blaze of glory.

Or, Edge could claim Stretch as his own and be broadly painted with the same idiot brush.

As if there were truly any choice. Dreams of joining the entertainment industry or grand larceny aside, he'd chosen to hitch his wagon to Stretch’s star the moment he put a ring on his slender finger.

Edge retrieved his cane and walked over, past a group of kindhearted Humans who seemed to be attempting to come up with a rescue strategy. He kept a safe distance from the goose, who was still focused on their treebound quarry.

“What on earth are you doing?” Edge called exasperatedly, “You can use magic! You can teleport!!”

"i panicked!" Stretch said defensively. Both his long arms were wound around the trunk of the tree, clinging for dear life. His horrible sandals dangled precariously close to the goose’s snapping beak. “besides, i don’t want it to go for any of the kids!”

Of course he didn’t. His love’s soul was purest silver, but if he’d had a heart it would be made of the finest gold.

The goose was unimpressed with either. It circled the tree trunk, its beady gaze on Stretch and surely working on a new plan of attack. The Humans were still milling around in indecision.

“Should we call 911?” asked one woman, timidly.

“Naw, animal control,” one of the men put in.

“Neither,” Edge said decisively, “One moment, please.”

With a flick of his fingers, he summoned his magic, turning the goose’s (small, pulsing rapidly, crimson with determination) soul blue.

The goose hissed furiously as Edge walked over to it, showing off a disturbingly barbed tongue, but it was helpless against being picked up and tucked under one arm to be carried back to the pond. It couldn’t move but it could create a hell of a racket, honking and hissing as Edge limped his way back through the tall grass where Stretch had come from.

“You’re being ridiculous,” Edge sighed. “You can’t move, even to hurt yourself. Let’s take you back to the water.”

As he approached the lake, a sound rose up, a frantic sort of peeping. He passed through the shaggy weeds and into the clearing to find a clutter of goslings stumbling over each other on the shoreline. The peeping increased in volume as they caught sight of the goose in Edge’s arms, one enterprising little creature offered a tiny hiss of its own.

“Very good,” Edge told it approvingly. “Soon you’ll be able to threaten children and skeletons on your own.”

Edge set the goose back amongst its little ones and backed away even as the counter ticked down and the hold of blue magic eased.

The goose was disoriented at first, distrusting of its freedom. Then it swung around to glare at Edge, seeming to be trying to decide if another attempt at aggravated assault would be worth the effort.

“You can try,” Edge said calmly. He raised a hand, his magic at the ready. “but we’ll only end up here again. It’s up to you how much time you’d like to waste.”

In the end, the goose decided it had pressing business on the other side of the lake. It waddled into the water, then glided along with deceptive grace, the goslings falling into line behind it.

Edge watched to make sure it didn’t change its mind. It was a rather bemusing use of his brother’s lessons about never turning his back on a potential threat, certainly the most unusual.

When he turned back to the park, he was startled to find a crowd standing a safe distance away from him. The clapping was scattered at first and slowly grew to full blown applause, children and adults alike cheering. Even Stretch, still in his leafy perch, was clapping, although his grin all but glowed with pride. A fair sign that he wasn’t having longing fantasies about joining the circus. That made one of them.

Heat seared his cheek bones as Edge made his way through the crowd, dismally hoping that all this wasn’t about to start trending on some sort of Angel-forsaken social media post. From the way several people’s cell phones were in hand, that sad little hope was one in vain.

Edge walked purposefully away from the crowd, back to the tree and its latest occupant. He held out his arms and asked dryly, “Do you need me to catch you?”

There was a brief cool touch of void as Stretch’s slight weight was abruptly in his arms. His husband brushed a kiss against Edge’s overly warm cheek bone before he said, teasingly, “my hero.”

“You’re welcome,” Edge glanced back at the lake, “You know, I’m only familiar with a few nursery rhymes, but I never expected to meet Mother Goose in person.”

“heh, maybe she mistook me for the farmer in the dell,” Stretch squirmed loose of Edge’s arms, getting his feet under him, “c’mon, i lost the peas in the drink when mama over there tried to play a little duck duck goose with me. may as well go have lunch.”

“All right.” Edge let Stretch lead the way back to the blanket, following along behind with his cane in hand.

Their day at the park was certainly different than Edge ever could have imagined, but that was all right. The only goose Edge had on his mind now was the one he was about to pinch on his husband’s lovely backside.

-finis-

[mrsslrss]

2018.

My first memory of 2018: I woke up at 5 a.m. and spotted an enormous bug on my bedroom wall. I was mildly hungover after a really lovely and somewhat raucous party in my house, and when I saw the bug I felt like my stomach dropped out of my body. (I’m a wimp! It had so many legs! Stay with me.) I tried to rouse M for about 10 minutes to kill the bug with no luck, then told myself, with an air of forced gravity, It’s 2018, and I must kill the bug myself. Which, I am glad to report, I did. 

I think I told that story a lot this year in the hopes that the more I retold it, the more it would come to define my year: You know, being brave? Taking charge and vanquishing, uh, icky stuff? (And later, for all the times I told the story of starting my day by sweeping up the post-party-confetti-canon detritus and throwing away the half-used Solo cups before my roommates woke up: Doing rather thankless work for a greater good?) I’m not sure I mastered the art of “manifesting” in 2018, though (sorry Oprah!); I certainly wasn’t as generous or industrious as those stories would suppose, but the image of me resisting something frightening then eventually/begrudgingly giving in and being grateful I did — I suppose that rings true.

It’s easy for me to be blue in December — to think about what didn’t get accomplished, the ways I have been selfish, shallow and lazy — but if I’m honest with myself, the year had its share of success. I got hired out of my temp status, spoke on a panel at a conference, helped lead a project I’m proud of, talked on some podcasts, survived my college reunion. I learned a lot about commitment, complacency and what drives my writing. I spent a lot of time with my family. I watched people I love make incredible art, find cherished partners, move their careers forward, get engaged, become parents. I wrote a couple good songs, played a lot of good shows. My hair got long enough to wear it in a bun most days.

The truth is that I’m pretty scared about the future. Call it cyclical energy or call it the brink of exhaustion but I think things are going to happen in 2019; I think, for better or for worse, I’m going to make them happen. I’m trying to transmute anxiety into excitement for what the year’s bringing but I think it’s ok to be scared, too. Anyway, here’s to 2018, and to the things I felt and saw and did and loved that helped me make it through. 

Andrea Long Chu’s writing

I read “On Liking Women” in January — the kind of article where you start it at your desk and then have to finish it later, and you get home and sit on the couch without even turning the living room lights on and just read and read, breathlessly, until it’s done — and I got hooked and I have read everything ALC has written since. Her work is thoughtful, engaging, provocative, breathtaking, earnest, shady, queer as h*ck. It has made me think about what kind of writer (and person) I want to be and was fodder for some of my favorite conversations I had this year about gender, power, identity and the ultimate self-own. Also, her Twitter is hilarious.

Dried mango

Snack of the year for me, hands down. Though if I’m being honest, green tea kit kats are a serious contender, too -- much tougher to find, though, meaning they can’t quite nab the top snack spot for 2018.

Traveling & open space

I didn’t travel a ton this year but the few trips I took were lovely. In April I visited Seattle, a city I love, for a truly marvelous conference and I saw the water and the mountains. In October I visited Vermont, had a real dream-come-true moment in a field of goats. I visited Sam in Austin and realized that Texas is, indeed, huge. (And affordable!) I visited my family in MA a lot and rode horses a couple times but mostly just sat on the couch with my mom watching re-runs of The Office and making sense of ourselves. It felt nice when I was in motion this year.

Riding my bike

Speaking of motion! I borrowed my sister’s cool bike last year and started riding to work, but then the bike got stolen, which put a big damper on everything. I got a crappy replacement a couple months later and rode it to work every day, nearly, of 2018, and to all sorts of other places. I read Jessica Hopper’s book about Chicago this year and so much of that book takes place on her bike, which inspired me to take things a little more seriously. I’m not an experienced cyclist by any means (truly: most of my bike rides are on two streets in the one-mile radius between my house and my office) but I like what it affords me.

Trying to be a void

that is to say, wearing all black. I know that clothing is how a lot of people express themselves but mostly what I wanted to express this year was: a black hole. By black hole I mostly mean nothingness, and also deflecting the gaze. Incredibly comforting. As a caveat: Mads taught me about the power of navy blue late this year, and I think in 2019 I will try to be the night sky. 

New York

I used to hate NYC for boring reasons but now I don’t, and it defined my year, in many ways — I visited about once a month, for work and for friends and for fun. I nearly always stayed with Mads in Bed-Stuy, which is an excellent situation, although one time I blew a big chunk of a bonus (!) on a fancy hotel room (!!) in Manhattan. (Worth it!) I spoke on a panel, I played my songs in a gallery, I ate bagels with vegan cream cheese, I had bad pizza in a cigar bar, I saw Maggie Nelson give a talk, I watched Duster play two consecutive comeback shows. I had a lot of small moments, too, of bliss and kindness and serendipity, of tortellini soup and espresso tonics, late night talks, doing laps around Bryant Park, walking quietly through galleries. I cried on buses, got freaked out on a plane, had a particularly memorable set of conversations on the Amtrak. I also saw Carly Rae Jepsen!

Playing covers with friends

Ok, yes, seeing Carly Rae at the Turning the Tables event in NYC was magnificent, but more magnificent was being in Gnarly Rae Jepsen, aka the Carly Rae Jepsen cover band I was invited to join around Halloween. Frankly I was just flattered to have been asked, since Lars does a cover band for Halloween every year and they always rip. And Gnarly Rae ripped! I didn’t do a lot of stuff with my own music this year, so it was great to play with a band with pretty much zero pressure and an abundance of good vibes. The Halloween show was one of the happiest moments of my year. Plus this winter I planned a December open mic and so some friends and I decided to do a couple covers — “Silver Springs” by Fleetwood Mac (which Mads sang) and “Dreams” by The Cranberries (which I sang) — which was a little messy and extremely fun.

Christmas cactus

A friend of mine from grad school moved to California after graduating and gave me a bunch of her plants, including a cactus that looked like it was in poor health but I was determined to keep alive for as long as I could. I kept caring for it even though I was convinced it was going to croak any day; turns out I’m just ignorant about what a healthy cactus looks like, because it blossomed just days before my birthday this April. I didn’t even know this cactus could flower, so to have it happen right before I turned 26 made me feel such a deep sense of joy and hope, and connection with the living world, like a true, grounded, healthy Taurus. It bloomed again before Christmas; last week, I realized my grandmother has the exact same plant in her living room.

Writing criticism

I wrote a couple things this year I was especially proud of, and most of them were reviews. (My Turning the Tables essay doesn’t fit in that category but I’m really proud of that, too.) Most of this writing happened in my house where I was alone in my room rubbing my temples and whining softly why is this so hard, why does it have to be so hard but it also felt electric and life-affirming; I heard a podcaster refer to writing as something like “touching the divine” this year and that feels like it, exactly. I think I loved those processes too because they so often involved having really fun, challenging conversations about the art in question with people I admire, and that’s why I got into this game, right? Plus a few conversations I had this year adjacent to these pieces helped me realize that a) criticism is the kind of writing I feel the most drawn to right now; and as we used to say on Tumblr, “not to get fake deep but,” b) the goodness I am searching for in my life/self is a big part of what drives me to write, of what I’m doing in my writing. That helps.

Coffee O merch

My forever favorite coffee shop is Coffee Obsession in Falmouth, not necessarily because they have the best beans in the world or anything but because when I’m there it’s because I am spending time in my favorite place, usually with my family and best friends, etc. Anyway I have recently started to rep them on a regular basis: I got a purple HydroFlask with the Coffee O logo and used it every day this year to bring iced coffee to work, and this summer I bought a big green Coffee O t-shirt that says “LOCAL FLAVAH” on the back (incredible), which is more or less my favorite item of clothing I bought this year. I guess I’m kind of a poseur because I’m a tourist, not a Cape Cod native, but my love for Coffee O is true and real and I’m glad to spread the word.

Etc: Making iced coffee every morning in the Chemex; roséwave and the #Saltypod, both of which I love fiercely; the difference between being liked and being heard, à la Ellen Willis; editing essays; the Fever Ray show at 9:30 Club; wearing glitter in the corners of my eyes; “no one is going to wait for you to ask for permission”; wearing heels to work; the steam room at the W St YMCA; my tarot deck; the Pome newsletter.

[anaboo-thewriter]

Before We Were Us

Summary: The story of how you and Zach first met and became a couple

Pairing: Zach Dempsey x Reader

Warning: Fluff

A/N: I got the inspiration from @zacchdempsey ‘s Being Justin’s best friend and dating Zach would include...

Part 2 >>

The inevitable end of summer was fast approaching with the start of a new school year. But you weren’t going to let that disappointment stop you from making a statement marking your change from your usual quiet, non-athletic nature to a spontaneous, workout fanatic. You spent your summer working at the local YMCA and taking full advantage of the workout facility. Your body had completely changed. Muscles were more defined and waist clenched with perfect sculpted abs. Whenever, you walked past the mirror you became more and more impressed with your new physique and started to love your body more.

Before the school year started, you got a text from your friend, Sherri, about a party at Bryce Walker’s house. Without hesitation you were at his house, ready to have the time of your life. You were sure it was going to be legendary as he lived on the richest side of town. You felt a rush of excitement as you were ready to reveal your new body to your classmates, but you couldn’t help but to feel nervous as you knew your crush Zach Dempsey would be there. Was he going to notice you this year or just walk past you like you were invisible. You took in a deep breath to calm your nerves and made your way to the back of the enormous house to the party.

Everybody who was everybody was there, both inside the house and outside, in the pool, in the hot tub, and on the lawn. You tried to find a familiar face until you locked eyes with a familiar crowd in the hot tub. Sherri waved you down from the hot tub for you to join her and you let out a sigh of relief as you rushed over. But you couldn’t help but feel the sense of panic as she was hanging around Justin, Bryce, and the infamous Zach Dempsey.

“Y/N, come on in,” Sherri encouraged, “We have so much to catch up on,”

You were reluctant at first, but easily caved from Sherri’s pleas. You crossed your arms at the hem of your shirt and pulled it over your head to reveal the top of your black bikini. The last to go were your shorts to reveal your black bikini bottoms. As you got into the hot tub, you couldn’t help but notice the stares, until Bryce said what everybody was thinking.

“Damn, Y/N, where did you find a body like that?” Bryce smirked, his voice lower than normal making you slightly uncomfortable.

“Have a little class Bryce,” Sherri slapped him in his shoulder to get him to stop, “You look stunning, Y/N,”

You started to blush from the compliments as you settled yourself in the only spot left in the hot tub, next to Zach.

“Hey Zach,” you spoke with a shaky voice. Anxiety was nearly consuming your body, but you weren’t the only one feeling the pressure.

“Uh, hey Y/N,” Zach stuttered. His eyes kept darting from your face to your body back up to your face. You never knew somebody as cool as Zach Dempsey would get nervous. “Um, how was your summer?” he finally trained his eyes on the beer he was holding nearly submerged in the water.

“It was good, started working out a little bit. How was yours?” You smiled. A sense of comfort came over you now that you knew that Zach was nervous to talk to you as you were to talk to him.

“Um, yeah it was fine,” he sounded rushed, “I need to get some more beer,” He turned around in the hot tub and quickly reached a towel. He balled it up in his hands and held it in front of his waist. You were confused at first by his behavior until you heard to jokes fly from Bryce and Justin.

“What’s the matter Big Z, can’t focus on talking to a girl?” started Justin.

“I think I got something that could help that boner of yours,” continued Bryce.

Even with the heat from the hot tub, you could feel your cheeks grow warm and you were for sure that they were red. You weren’t only embarrassed for yourself, but you were also embarrassed for Zach. The next time the two of you meet will the most awkward thing in your life and you were dreading it.

[dirtdiggersanddinosaurs]

Stoke-on-Trent is a funny one as far as cities go! Made up of six towns, Hanley is known as the city centre locally, yet Stoke itself also has plenty to offer. But, for the purpose of this post I’m listing some great ideas to keep the kids happy while you’re ‘Up ‘Anley Duck’ as we say around these parts. We’ve all been there…trying to run errands or meeting a friend for lunch while wrestling whinging kids is no fun for anybody…so below you’ll find some kiddy friendly destinations within the city centre to inspire you. Whether you’re looking for a quick drop in, or a full day out there is something for you here:

Our Front Door Project

Either pick up a map from participating locations, or screenshot the one below…you can thank me later!

Map Provided by Stoke-on-Trent City Centre BID

Give your kids the map, (ooooh they love a map don’t they, you can almost see the power rush to their little heads!) and set out to find some fab hidden street art. If you’re really devious clever you could guide them around a route that takes in the shops you need to go to, ta da!

Beam them up, Scotty!

‘Our Front Doors’ is a project initiated by Stoke on Trent City Centre BID in partnership with Entrepreneurs Network, a gallery and printshop located on Hanley Piccadilly, and YMCA. The new and exciting venture endeavours to inject colour and vibrancy into the area via the provision of street art, and it also aims to provide a platform for the city’s creatives to showcase their stunning work. Interestingly, there are some countries in the world where painted doors are believed to bring luck, happiness and wealth but for Stoke-on-Trent City Centre BID, improving the look and feel of the town is the name of the game.

Credit: Stoke-on-Trent City Centre BID

I wouldn’t recommend something if we haven’t tried it ourselves so here are some of the photos I took when we spent an afternoon doing the trail.

We didn’t find them all, I think we discovered just over half which was plenty of walking for James (2 years) and it also leaves us another day to try and find the rest. The boys loved it though and their poses in front of the artwork got more creative with each discovery. If this is your thing, then there are some great pieces popping up all over the city from a giant snake in Longton to a Burleigh Blue Calico wall in Burslem – can you find them?

Intu Potteries: Free Soft Play

Generally, shopping with kids in tow is nearly as painful as giving birth to them but step up intu Potteries who have a kids zone to let them burn off a bit of energy between shops. Under 5’s can have a ball in the soft play area on the middle mall.

The purpose built 30 metre square soft play area has plenty of room for kids to jump, move equipment around and play games under the watchful eye of their parents before they head back to the shops and cafés.

Credit: intu Potteries

The Potteries Museum and Art Gallery

Free to enter but donations are welcomed, the museum has a host of exhibits and events to keep your little ones entertained, and the best bit is that they’ll be learning too! Each month the museum hosts a messy museum play session in the school room for £3 per child. We went along to a dinosaur themed one (I know, it’s a shocker) and had lots of messy fun.

Baked bean volcano

The next one has a spooktacular theme to get you ready for Halloween and will run on 16th Oct 10.30am – 12.00pm. Call 01782 232323 to book your place.

We also took in the space exhibition, where James tried on an astronauts space helmet and I grabbed an astronaut selfie on the #mystokestory selfie spot. The confectionary garden was a hit too and we happily got our Wonka on!

You can find out what’s on at the museum throughout the year by checking out the website. There are also natural history displays to discover, plus plenty to find out about our area’s fabulous pottery heritage all with some great interactive play stations dotted around . We dressed up to look at the cow creamers and frog mugs and James served me tea from an Emma Bridgewater polka dot tea set.

Which brings me nicely onto…

Emma Bridgewater Factory

If you’re brave enough to take your little ones into the best shop you can access the factory garden which is a lovely little area planted out to attract insects and butterflies. They grow a mix of flowers fruit and vegetables and sometimes the chickens make an appearance too.

You can also ‘paint your own pot’ in the Pottery cafe while enjoying a lovely cuppa or spot of lunch. As Emma Bridgewater is famous for her spongeware, there are a variety of sponges available which you can use that appeal to both adults and children alike.

Let them unleash their creativity and design their own mug! Prices start from £15 (for a half pint mug) plus £2.95 decorating fee. Advanced booking is essential and details can be found on the website.

Awarded two of Visit England’s top accolades for “Best Told Story” and “Quality Food & Drink” in 2017, visitors can head on a fascinating factory tour, try your hand at decorating a piece of your very own unique piece of Emma Bridgewater pottery, relax for lunch in the beautiful kitchen sat beside the spotty Aga, or enjoy an afternoon in the delightful garden behind the factory.

Credit: © Emma Bridgewater ™

There are also some spooky goings on planned for October half term:

Meet the Owls! Admire these magnificent birds up close in the courtyard. Wednesday 23rd & 30th October from 1pm. FREE

Follow the FREE Pumpkin Treasure Hunt and win a delicious treat!

Discover how all Emma Bridgewater pottery is made and decorated by hand on a FREE behind the scenes tour.

Hopefully you’ve now got some great ideas in your diary ready for half term, good luck and don’t forget to tag your adventures ‘up ‘Anley’ with #mystokestory to share them.

I’m proud to be a My Stoke Story Ambassador.

All images are my own unless otherwise credited.

Fun Finds for Kids: ‘Up ‘Anley Duck’ Stoke-on-Trent is a funny one as far as cities go! Made up of six towns, Hanley is known as the city centre locally, yet Stoke itself also has plenty to offer.

[debtorbeetle15-blog]

A Year-End Musical Road Trip With 'Memphis Rent Party' Writer Robert Gordon

We take a year-end musical road trip with Memphis music writer Robert Gordon, who shares some of the stories from his collection of essays "Memphis Rent Party."

DEBBIE ELLIOTT, HOST:

Let's take a year-end road trip to a city that helped shape American music - Memphis, Tenn. Journalist and author Robert Gordon is our tour guide for the sounds of his hometown.

ROBERT GORDON: My deep interest is in what's in the shadows and not in the spotlight.

ELLIOTT: So unlike a typical Memphis music pilgrimage, we're going to skip Graceland, Elvis Presley's home, and drive right past Sam Phillips' Sun Records studio where some say rock 'n' roll was born. Instead, Gordon steers his 1987 Caprice Classic by the old YMCA where B.B. King recorded his first No. 1 R&B hit - "3 O'Clock Blues."

GORDON: There it is, like an unassuming corner across the street from a church next to a really rundown apartment building. And, you know, that's not on the maps, and it's kind of interesting.

ELLIOTT: Just around the corner is another spot you won't find on the Memphis music maps - the block where the late bluesman Furry Lewis used to live.

GORDON: And Furry Lewis was a bottleneck blues guitar player, meaning a slide guitar player.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "WHY DON'T YOU COME HOME BLUES")

FURRY LEWIS: (Singing) Pearlee, why don't you come home?

ELLIOTT: Lewis recorded in the 1920s on Victor records, then worked as a street sweeper for the city of Memphis. Later, he gained attention as part of the folk and blues revival of the 50s' and 60s.' Gordon first encountered him as a young teen when he heard Lewis open for the Rolling Stones.

GORDON: And I had my back to the stage and heard this sound and was like - you know, they talk about adolescent lightning strikes. That was my lightning strike. I was like, what is that?

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "WHY DON'T YOU COME HOME BLUES")

LEWIS: (Singing) I been worried all day, worried all night long.

GORDON: I think I knew about the blues then, but I - never had occurred to me that it was a living kind of music.

ELLIOTT: And he wanted to learn more, so he got Furry Lewis' phone number.

GORDON: I call him up, and he invited me over, and I said, can I bring anything? He said, you can bring me a pint of Ten High, which is a kind of a cheap bourbon, and you can bring me a raw Wendy's hamburger.

ELLIOTT: With a little help from a fake ID, Gordon, a lanky white kid from the suburbs, had his entree into the Memphis music scene.

GORDON: He was so hospitable and warm and so welcoming and was obviously, like, a popular guy on his block. And he pulled back the veil of the underground for me and invited me in.

ELLIOTT: Gordon writes about his relationship with Lewis and other lesser-known Memphis music legends in his latest book, "Memphis Rent Party." It's a collection of essays and has a companion soundtrack...

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SAME THING ON MY MIND")

MOSE VINSON: All right. Let me see.

ELLIOTT: ...With recordings like this of boogie-woogie piano man Mose Vinson.

(SOUNDBITE OF MOSE VINSON SONG, "SAME THING ON MY MIND")

ELLIOTT: Gordon first saw Vinson's rollicking piano playing in the late '70s.

GORDON: And he would just do this barrelhouse thing, man. It felt like you were in 1920s Beale Street.

ELLIOTT: Beale Street was the heart of African-American culture then, and today is a tourist draw much like Bourbon Street in New Orleans.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SAME THING ON MY MIND")

VINSON: (Singing unintelligibly).

ELLIOTT: Gordon's early experiences laid the foundation for his career as a music journalist and filmmaker. He's done liner notes, penned articles for Rolling Stone and Playboy and has written several books, including "It Came From Memphis" and "Respect Yourself: Stax Records And The Soul Explosion." In "Memphis Rent Party," he reflects on what makes his hometown an incubator for American music. Gordon writes that Memphis has become a musical verb.

GORDON: Memphis-ing (ph) - all the things that people associate with Memphis are sui generis. There was not something like them before that.

ELLIOTT: Think Elvis, B.B. King, Memphis Minnie, Booker T. & the M.G.'s or Tav Falco's Panther Burns.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "DROP YOUR MASK")

PANTHER BURNS: (Singing, unintelligible) Throw your mask away.

ELLIOTT: Gordon credits the geography. Memphis sits atop a bluff on the Mississippi River, the main port of commerce in a vast agricultural landscape. Come harvest time, planters and field hands alike came to the city to trade.

GORDON: So the streets here were black and white, rich and poor, rural and urban. And that sound of all these shoulders rubbing on street that were so different, that's what created the difference in Memphis.

ELLIOTT: All manner of genres took root - jazz, blues, the new rock 'n' roll, gospel, funk, soul and later punk.

GORDON: Everything was possible in Memphis.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "THIRTEEN")

BIG STAR: (Singing) Why don't you let me walk you home from school? Why don't you let me meet you at the pool?

ELLIOTT: That's Alex Chilton, who was the lead singer for The Box Tops in the 1960s and later was part of the band Big Star. Gordon calls Chilton one of the godfathers of the Memphis underground, musicians who valued independence more than pleasing record labels.

GORDON: We're not a hit factory, you know? This town is not about the hits. This town is about the art and about making the work that will survive a long time and be relevant in a long time. And if you don't believe me, ask Furry Lewis. He made his records in 1927. They're still playing them.

ELLIOTT: "Memphis Rent Party" takes its title from the tradition of throwing a house party to raise money to pay your rent. Robert Gordon says his collection of essays tries to capture that struggle and that spirit.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "CHEVROLET")

LUTHER DICKINSON: (Singing) Well, I'll buy you a Chevrolet. I'll buy you a Chevrolet.

Copyright © 2018 NPR. All rights reserved. Visit our website terms of use and permissions pages at www.npr.org for further information.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by Verb8tm, Inc., an NPR contractor, and produced using a proprietary transcription process developed with NPR. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record.

Source: https://www.npr.org/2018/12/29/680882624/a-year-end-musical-road-trip-with-memphis-rent-party-writer-robert-gordon

[adiwriting]

Unbinding

Last month I posted a prologue to a story I never ended up writing. It was a soulmate AU that just never quite worked out the way I wanted it to, so I dropped it. I’ve gotten a few requests to write some drabbles/one-shots in that verse. So here you all go ;) 

Alternatively, you can read this on AO3. 

Felicity Smoak is 7 years old when her father abandons her. Up until now, her life has been perfect. She’s had everything she’s ever wanted. But when her father leaves, he takes her entire world with him.

There’s no explanation. He leaves no note. The only signs that anything is amiss are her crying mother, his missing things, and an empty chair at the dinner table. It’s for the best that he doesn’t try to explain himself. There are no words he could possibly say to make any of it okay.

Felicity feels like she’s dying. It’s like somebody reached into her chest and ripped her heart from her body. She can’t breathe. She is utterly gutted by his abandonment.

And then… she’s not.

At least, she’s not drowning in feelings of inadequacy and loneliness like she should be. The sadness is still there, but it’s also mixed with something else. A foreign emotion that she can’t quite place.

It’s almost like… hope?

Whatever it is, it doesn’t come from her. It’s pushing it’s way into her heart and making itself at home, despite having no logical reason to be there.

Her mother smiles when she listens to Felicity try and explain her feelings. She uses a word that Felicity has only ever heard in storybooks and movies.

Soulmate.

As she listens to her mother explain the concept to her, the feelings inside of her becomes less foreign. More settled. She welcomes the emotions, knowing that it’s her soulmates way of taking care of her, even from a distance.

Somewhere out there is a boy who loves her and cares about her, even if he’s never met her before.

It doesn’t completely erase her depression. It doesn’t stop her from feeling sadness over her father’s abandonment. She still feels worthless at times. On her darker days, she grows angry at the boy that continues to share his feelings of love with her. How can a boy who’s never met her, care so deeply? How can he love her when her own father couldn’t?

On her darkest days, she prays she never meets her soulmate. She fears that he’ll take one look at her and run for the hills just like her dad. After all, the kids at school do nothing but tease her for being a nerd, why should her soulmate be any different?

But no matter how upset she gets. No matter how many nights she cries herself to sleep, he’s always there. And eventually, after a year of living without her father, she begins to accept the way things are. She begins to understand that things are never going back to the way they were, and she owes it to her mother, her soulmate, and more importantly, herself, to try and be happy.

And for a few years, she is.

When she’s 10 years old, she falls to the ground grasping her arm in pain. Several of the YMCA staff surround her on the playground trying to figure out what’s wrong.

“What happened?” Ms. Gilbert asks.

“Did you fall?” asks Mr. Frank.

“Somebody go get Ms. Calendar,” cries Mrs. Wilder.

Felicity can’t explain it. She hadn’t been doing anything. She’d been sitting on the bench, reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets when suddenly, her arm felt like it had been snapped in two and she’d fallen to the ground crying out in pain.

“Felicity, I need to see your arm,” Ms. Gilbert says, reaching out to gently remove Felicity’s other arm from her injured one.

“It hurts,” she cries.

Ms. Gilbert carefully straightens out her arms and examines it closely.

“It doesn’t look injured,” Ms. Gilbert says. “What were you doing?”

“Reading,” Felicity says, wiping the ever flowing tears from her eyes. “It’s broken.”

“I don’t think it’s broken,” Mr. Frank says.

Felicity glares at him. What does he know? He’s a part-time staff member at the YMCA. He’s hardly a medical professional.

“Well it hurts!” she yells at him.

Ms. Calendar, the youth director, comes out of the building to inspect her arm.

“What happened, Felicity?” she asks.

“I was just reading,” she says, crying out as a new wave of pain hits her.

“Are you sure that was all you were doing?” Ms. Calendar asks, taking her arm and slowly moving it around. “You weren’t doing something you weren’t supposed to and are scared to tell us?”

Felicity glares at the woman for insinuating that she’s a liar. “I was reading.”

“That’s all the kid does,” Mrs. Wilder says.

“Very well,” Ms. Calendar says. “She’ll need to go to the hospital to get checked out.”

“I can’t go to the hospital,” Felicity cries. “We don’t have insurance.”

“Very well,” Ms. Calendar says. “The free clinic then. Somebody should call Donna Smoak and let her know.”

Three hours later, Felicity is sitting in a bed at the free clinic as a doctor explains to her mother that the X-Rays are clean and there’s nothing wrong with her.

“It’s him,” Felicity says, sitting up as she finally puts all the pieces together in her mind.

She hadn’t been doing anything when she’d gotten hurt. She’d just been sitting there reading. There was no reason why she should be in pain. Her arm isn’t red. There’s no bruising. The doctor just told them that the X-Ray is clean.

Still, the pain had been blinding, so she knows it wasn’t just in her head. It all makes so much more sense now.

“It’s who, Sweetheart?” her mom asks.

“My soulmate,” she says, a smile growing as she realizes that she’s finally able to return the favor. For over a year, he’d been there supporting her through the worst of her pain. Even now, whenever she’s having a bad day, she can feel him there, giving her strength.

“Your soulmate?” the doctor says, an amused smile on his face. “Aren’t you a little young to be feeling your soulmate already?”

Felicity shakes her head. “He must have gotten hurt. That’s why I was in pain.”

Her mom and the doctor look at each other, sharing a knowing glance.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” she asks. “It was him?”

“It would explain why you were in such intense pain without any symptoms,” the doctor says.

“I thought the medical community didn’t believe in soulmates,” Donna teases him.

“Scientifically speaking, no,” the doctor says. “But I’ve seen enough cases like Felicity’s to know some things can’t be explained by science.”

“Just because you don’t know yet, doesn’t mean it doesn’t have an explanation,” Felicity says with a shrug. “Look at all the scientist who were wrong in the past. Doctors used to believe in humorism.”

“How do you know about humorism?” the doctor asks.

“I read,” she says.

“She goes through a book a day,” her mom says with the kind of pride that always makes Felicity blush.

“Well, either way, I believe you,” the doctor says. “And I think it was very brave of you to take on all of that pain for your soulmate. He must really appreciate it.

Felicity smiles at the thought of easing her soulmates pain.

“He does the same for me,” she says.

The doctor turns back to her mom. “I’m fairly certain that the worst of it is over. If she’s not feeling pain now, it’s likely her soulmate sought medical attention and is on painkillers of his own. Still, feel free to give her children’s Tylenol if she complains. If it gets worse, come back in and I’ll write you a prescription for something stronger.”

“Thank you, doctor,” her mom says, helping Felicity down from the bed.

“Thanks,” Felicity says.

“You just keep taking care of your boy,” the doctor says, leading them out of the room and towards the nurse’s station so her mom can take care of the paperwork.

Being curious as she always is, she peeks into several of the other rooms. The one that stops her in her tracks is the Hispanic couple. The woman is lying in bed as a doctor stitches up her side. The man next to her is holding her hand, clutching his own side as he cries out in pain.

“See? Soulmates,” the doctor leans over to whisper into her ear, startling her.

She looks up to meet his eyes and he winks at her.

The nurse gives Felicity a lollipop and a Superman sticker, which she promptly puts on her bookmark. It’ll remind her of her soulmate and she likes that.

Her mom leads her to the bus stop and they sit down and wait for the next bus to take them home. It’ll be at least a twenty minute wait and a forty minute ride home if everything goes according to plan.

She opens up her copy of Harry Potter and begins the process of trying to find her spot. She’d lost it when she’d dropped her book on the playground earlier today.

“Hey, Sweetheart?”

“Hmm?” Felicity responds, her eyes not leaving the page as she tries to determine if she’s read that section before.

“I’m really proud of you,” she says.

Felicity looks up from her book to find her mom smiling down at her with watery eyes.

“Why?” she asks, reaching up to wipe a tear from her mom’s face.

“Not everyone chooses love,” her mom tells her.

“What do you mean?” she asks.

“Some people choose to turn it off,” her mom says.

“Why would they do that?”

Felicity might be the smartest kid in her school, but that’s all about literacy and numbers. She can read at a 9th grade level and solve 12th grade math problems. But book smart isn’t everything. And when it comes to understanding people, Felicity knows she still has a lot to learn.

“Because sometimes it’s easier to be alone than it is to try and carry somebody else’s burdens as well as your own.”

Felicity doesn’t understand what her mother means by that. She’s experienced pain and she’s experienced having it taken away by the person who was made for you. She doesn’t understand why anybody would turn that off.

Then she turns twenty.

With a dead boyfriend, an empty heart, and near daily pain and suffering, Felicity learns just how easy it is to turn it off, because her soulmate does. He doesn’t offer her an ounce of comfort or hope as she struggles to make it through each day without Cooper. He’s severed his connection to her. He doesn’t want to feel her pain anymore.

And there are moments when she gets it. When she’s screaming out as she feels like she’s being stabbed in the stomach and her roommate is telling her to shut it off, she understands where he’s coming from. She sees what her mom had been getting at. How can she continue to take on his pain when she has so much of her own?

But she doesn’t turn it off. Even if he can, she never will.

After all, how can she fault a man for not wanting to comfort her heartbreak when he’s clearly being tortured on a regular basis.

So she carries on. She takes every shot, shoulders every bruise, because she knows what it feels like to be alone, and she doesn’t want that for him.

And all along, she prays that one day, it will be enough for him. That he’ll see how much she cares and be willing to open their connection again.

But even if he never does, she won’t cut him off. Because when she was seven and didn’t know how to breathe on her own, let alone put one foot in front of the other, he was there for her. So she’ll be there for him.

Even if it kills them both.

Tagged/Untagged? Let me know! 

@acheaptrickandacheesyoneline // @almondblossomme // @bifelicitys // @bushlaboo // @canadianheartgirl // @cinfos // @dettiot // @emisfritish // @emmaamelia95 // @felicity-said–yes // @geniewithwifi // @hope-for-olicity // @loveyoubeyondhope // @memcjo // @miriam1779 // @missyriver // @oliverfel4 // @pleasantfanandstudent // @pottercastleminds // @puddintan3 // @scu11y22 // @somewhatinvisible // @spaztronautwriter // @stygian-omada-fan // @sweettooth52 // @wetsuiton

[nataliesnews]

Inventions  drains   arabic elections planes holocaust 18.1.2019

I cannot be happy at the inventions which Israel has done. I am always getting this from friends and  how the world could not survive without the Israeli inventions. But are we so clever that we not long have any ideals or how to act towards the “other.” Where are the qualities of which I was once so proud of in Judaism? Do we feel that we are so much the chosen people that we can act with impunity to others. And when I think of the way that we act towards the Palestinians I think that in the long run we are harming ourselves more than we are harming them. I am reminded of an old Afrikaans poem  by Totius about the suffering of the Afrikaner under the British  where a thorn tree is the symbol of the people……reminds you of the settlers cutting down olive trees? But slowly with its own balm it heals itself.  because it heals thought the poem is about forgiving and forgetting (I am not sure but that is what is repeated in Google)  the last lines make me wonder which of our two peoples will suffer most in the long run. Because the wounds are healed but the mark will never disappear. Is this the country we dreamed of. Is this the Judaism which will remain?

 Last night I again decided that one should not listen to men. I had people for supper and suddenly my drain got blocked. I do not have a pump which I will rectify tomorrow. I tried using my hand for suction and also  a rubber stopper but the men kept saying that I was wasting my time. So I waited till all had gone and started using both and I succeeded. A woman should always follow her intuition.

 On the bright side  as I have no formal group which I can join for Arabic I have found that there are various non paying groups in Jerusalem. The best so far is only for Israelis to learn Arabic which is at the American centre which has three levels and for me is the best for just learning. Then there is a  group of young people and many languages who meet but  is not suitable for me as the standard is from people who know nothing  to those who speak. Many languages at one time and very noisy. But there is one group which I really enjoyed and which takes place in the centre of town at the Abraham centre. I must have walked past thousands of times over the years but never realized that besides the shops it was also an hotel. By the way if any young people are coming they should really check it out. It looks like a really fun place. A big room with a bar and a place for making food. Billiard tables, other games, tons of young people from all over. Very vital. We were about 20 Palestinians, settler women and secular…this is only for women by the way. We meet in groups of four so that even though in our group the one woman hardly spoke Arabic and the two Palestinians …one on a higher level and one on a lower. But the thing is you also learn about one another. And now I have heard  that there is also a mixed group at YMCA which I will check out this week.

 The elections. Having read the underlined I went out to check on the Joint List and it is no way I could vote for them and you would have to be further than far left in my opinion to do so. So I am left with Avoda and Meretz. So I will vote for them the way it looks now but I do not have high hopes that they will work well together.  I would like to know what Israelis are in the Joint camp.

 Another unhappy former lawmaker on Wednesday: Meretz’s Esawi Freige, who dropped to 11th spot on the Labor-Gesher-Meretz slate – leaving the left-wing alliance without an Arab representative in an electable position (based on current predictions). But what is bad news for Freige may be good news for the Joint List. Not only are Arab voters who previously voted for Meretz now predicted to vote for the predominantly Arab party, but far-left Israelis looking for a ticket that includes both Jews and Arabs now only have one address.

Below  is a question I have long been asking myself

Why Flooded Israeli F-16s Do Not Bode Well for an Iran War

The havoc wreaked by winter storms last week raises questions about Israel's readiness\

And lastly our streets are going to be closed this week for the conference on the Holocaust with all the big names coming. I am not impressed. If I thought that least some of the money would go to the survivors of the Holocaust, many of whom are living in pretty desperate circumstances I would be more impressed but up to now I have heard nothing of this. Maybe some of the scraps of the meals which will probably be held for all these important people could find their way to the tables of those of the survivors  who exist or do not exist on very little. I have tried to sign up a couple of times to help but received no response and somehow the time goes by which I am not proud about.

https://www.jpost.com/Diaspora/World-leaders-converge-on-Jerusalem-614417

Natalie

[mikeyd1986]

MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 79, November 2017

On Monday morning, Mum and I went down to Westfield Fountain Gate Shopping Centre to get our annual Santa photos done. This year’s theme was The Smurfs and so the whole wonderland leading up to Santa’s throne was decked out with inflatable Mushroom houses, large trees with LED fairy lighting and the Smurfs themselves doing various activities including painting, baking and smelling a flower.

Thankfully it was very quiet at the time so we didn’t have to wait very long at all to get the photos done. I wasn’t really in the best headspace this morning with various mental and emotional issues going on but I maintained the best composure I could and “smiled for the camera”. Though I was even feeling self-conscious about that as well as I couldn’t get my pose right at all.

Santa: What do you want for Christmas Michael?                                              Me: Happiness. Self-confidence. A life purpose. A sense of belonging with others. A direction in life. And to find love.

Doing some early Christmas shopping with Mum did help me take my mind off things a little. I do love looking in $2 shops and homewares stores for Christmas related cards, stickers, ornaments and gift ideas as it’s only five weeks until Christmas. I honestly don’t feel organised at all this year but I’m sure it’ll all come together eventually.

On Monday night, I did my second Weight Lifting class with Abhishek Ashokkumar at The Yard Strength & Fitness in Pakenham. I’ve spent the last week seriously thinking about what I’m doing in terms of my fitness goals and where I want to be training. I’ve been very reluctant about committing myself to Abhi and Silverback Training Co. mainly because of my own insecurities, trust issues and past hurts.

There’s also the usual fears when it comes to group social situations. Not fitting in. Not speaking up enough. Being laughed at or embarrassed. Being the odd one out. Competition and comparing myself to others. Favouritism. Feeling sidelined and socially excluded. But there comes a point in time where you have to go “Fuck it. I’m done with my anxiety holding me back. I’ve gotta give this a chance. What’s the worst that can happen?”

Tonight’s session was actually a WOD (Workout of the Day) to celebrate Emma and Claire going away together on holiday. Basically, we had to partner up and pick a card from a standard deck of playing cards. Each card was designated a certain movement or exercise that we had to perform during the workout (Spade: Cleans. Diamonds: Squats. Clubs: Stiff-leg Deadlifts. Hearts: Wall Climb. Face: 100 skips + 10 rep movement. Ace: 4 x tyre flips. Joker: 20m rope pull).

If we couldn’t complete the required reps or finish the movement, the penalty was running with our partners to the end of the street and back. We each had to alternate in picking up a card so we could recover in between movements. It was a really tough workout, especially the 100 skips and the wall climbs but at the same time, I actually enjoyed it due to the sense of team spirit within the group. Nobody felt left out and we all encouraged each other to get through the 50 minute workout.

I’m only two sessions in and already I’m feeling quite positive about being a part of this group. I felt a lot more comfortable and less anxious than last week. Getting to know people takes time. It doesn’t matter what the situation is. It’s one of those things that it takes me a while to warm up to a new group and be able to let my guard down, let them in and be myself. One step at a time.

On Tuesday night, I headed down to YMCA Casey RACE for a Swim, Spa and Sauna session. Of course being a 31 degree day, the pool was packed tonight and I was lucky to find a parking spot. I was going to do a Water Workout class but didn’t really feel up to it with the heat draining me of energy today. Instead, I decided to spend an hour doing recovery, doing some gentle exercise and swim practice.

I really surprised myself by swimming in the slow lane for the first time ever. I alternated between breast stroke and doggy paddle as these are the styles I’m strongest at and got myself comfortable enough to swim the length of the pool. I’ve honestly achieved a lot in the last 12 months in terms of my confidence in the water. I always had a fear of “the deep end” but now I’ve managed to smash through that fear. Next goal on the list is to try a Deep Water Running class. https://www.caseyrace.ymca.org.au/a...

On Thursday afternoon, I had my counselling session with Ruth at Piece Together Counselling in Narre Warren. Today I talked about how life and external pressures from work have been bringing me down lately. I’ve had moments where I haven’t felt appreciated or heard by others and that got me really frustrated and upset. The recent Spring heatwave has also been a major factor in influencing my moods as high temperatures make me feel drained, worn out and unmotivated. Overthinking and being too hard on myself are still things that are works in progress in my life.

Then there’s the fact that it’s almost 4 weeks until Christmas and I’ve yet to get myself organised for it. But I’m learning to not succumb to the pressure society places on us to rush down to the store, spend big and find those “perfect” gifts. I don’t care for the materialistic aspects of Christmas anymore. All I care about is spending time with the people I care about and that’s it. I guess I just haven’t been prepared for it and it’s really caught me off guard this year. I’m going to give myself permission to have an easy-going Christmas this year.

I also talked about how much behaviour from childhood has influenced and contributed towards my recent diagnosis of Mild High Functioning Autism. I was very much a loner during kindergarten and primary school, always keeping to myself and engaging in quiet, creative activities such as reading, writing, painting and drawing. Recesses and lunchtimes were obviously very difficult for me. I was purposefully getting into trouble because I hated the idea of being alone and having no friends to play with. Hence why I often engaged in attention-seeking behaviour, to get other people to notice me and not feel invisible anymore.

On Friday morning, I attended my Pilates Mat class with Suzie Lowater at YMCA Casey RACE in Cranbourne East. Today’s class was very different to what I’m used to with most poses and movements being done using a large gym ball as a prop. It certainly increased the degree of difficulty slightly especially in terms of balance and stability but I just did what I could to embrace. I’m also learning to be more aware of my core activation during each pose.

On Friday afternoon, I headed off to my first ever yoga retreat at Tall Trees Camping in Moggs Creek. To be honest, I was feeling pretty nervous about this weekend as it’s the first time I’ve ever done this on my own. I’ve also never met any of the teachers or students attending this retreat and I’ll be participating in activities I’ve never tried before including life coaching sessions, facials and hand treatments, camping for the first time in 10 years.

It’s all pretty daunting for me but at the same time getting out of my comfort zone has been one of my major goals this year and I think that this will be a great opportunity for me to do just that. Plus I think that there will be more positives than negatives from this experience. The retreat was organised by Bianca Lovrecic who is a qualified yoga teacher at Just Be Yoga and Meditation and Patricia Chiuariu who is a qualified life coach for Champion In Progress Mentoring and Coaching.

Unfortunately, it didn’t start off too well with my car getting overheated and breaking down just before the Burnley Tunnel. It was really nerve-racking especially as the traffic was banking up and I needed to find a way to pull over to the emergency service lane. After getting onto the RACV and having my car towed to the Todd Road service centre, it was a long 1.5 wait for another tow truck to arrive so I could get my car home again. My radiator had a hole in it and was leaking out coolant so there was no way I could drive it safely in that condition.

Fortunately, Mum allowed me to borrow her car in order to still make it to the yoga retreat. It was a very long and tremendously monotonous 2.5 hour drive with a thunderstorm, lightening and a few showers along the way. After I got over the West Gate Bridge, my anxiety levels lowered a bit but I found I had to concentrate harder than normal to stay alert driving along on the Princes Freeway and later the Great Ocean Road.

The last part was actually quite scary as I had to drive along some dirt roads with pot holes and no street lights at all. Eventually, I found the entrance gate to Tall Trees Camping and managed to find a couple of the girls in the common area as well as Bianca and Patricia who helped me to locate my tent and gave me a brief guided tour before I collapsed into bed. I was so lucky to have this tent all to myself as the other tents were twin share.

Getting up at 6am for my Hatha Yoga Flow classes was tough on 4-5 hours sleep but I made the effort to do it. It was really lovely to be awakened by the sounds of birds chirping and laughing to one another. I was truly in nature now. The breakfasts and lunches were all catered for by Little Feast in Aireys Inlet and the food was absolutely amazing. I was trying so many different things that I’d never eaten before like chia pudding, bircher muesli, bean salad, mocha balls and salted caramel fudges.

We also did two life coaching sessions with Patricia from Champion In Progress Mentoring and Coaching over the weekend in a group setting. We worked our way gradually through the program workbook which included setting intentions, goal setting, the wheel of life, absolute no and yes lists, immediate actions, building awareness, strengths and values, mindfulness reflections, control and making choices. Overall, I found it very insightful and productive in thinking about what’s really important to me in my life.

In the afternoons, we did some facials and hand treatments with Bianca who is also a consultant from Mary Kay. I honestly had mixed feelings about these sessions as I’ve never used these products before and didn’t want to be roped into buying anything. But thankfully Bianca was laid-back and didn’t pressure any of us to participate or order any products. I also wrongly assumed that this was going to be more of a spa date thing but oh well.

On Saturday night, the group went out for dinner at Little Feast Aireys. I could feel myself really get out of my comfort zone here especially when the conversation turned to the topic of animal violence and dealing with aggressive dogs. I seriously wanted to go for the exit but forced myself to stay out of politeness. Thankfully, the subject quickly changed and the dinner was worth staying for. Grilled barramundi with cauliflower, beans, brocolini, beetroot, beans and spinach plus an apple and raspberry crumble for dessert. Yummo!

I think the biggest concern for me about attending this yoga retreat was being able to fit in socially with this all female group. Not that being in only guy is necessary a bad thing but it made it hard to click with the others. The topics of conversation such as babies, teaching, families, husbands, corporate business and healthy super foods were also really tough to relate to and I was sitting on the sidelines just listening most of the time. The fact that I’m also introverted, shy, reserved and socially awkward also presents many challenges for me.

But I didn’t let any of this stop me from enjoying my experience. There were a few times where I decided to sit in the tent by myself to essentially recharge the batteries and I just needed a break from the group sometimes. I also found it difficult to adapt to some of the ladies’ personalities and sense of humour. But overall, I did feel welcome, accepted and included. People did ask me about my life, did try to get to know me and did acknowledge my existence through eye contact and general greetings in passing.

Despite the social challenges this yoga retreat presented, I still really enjoyed my experience this weekend. I was grateful for just being there. For having my own tent and my own space. For all the food that got catered to us. For all the bathroom facilities. For the weather. For the yoga classes and life coaching sessions. I confronted and ticked off a lot of “firsts” from my list during this weekend alone and I’m really proud of myself for doing it.

On the drive back home, I decided to visit the Split Point Lighthouse at Aireys Inlet. Of course being a Sunday afternoon, the area was packed with tourists and couples but that didn’t bother me. I went for a half-hour strong along the coastal walking trail leading up to the Lighthouse itself and then walked down to the lookout points to see some gorgeous views of the rocky cliffs and roaring ocean waves down below.

FUN FACT: The Split Point Lighthouse was made famous by the popular 90’s Australian television show Round The Twist.

“Let's take a chance on a happy ending. (Let's) turn the page and stop pretending. The past can stop a heart from mending. It's time to let go 'cause baby you know. Some things are better best forgotten.” STEPS - Better Best Forgotten (1998)

“What you can't see can't hurt you they say. But I've been blind too many times before. Never see it coming your way. Shadows and secrets hide. Give me the bright lights of the dance floor. To shine inside this broken heart of mine. The way you move I'm forgetting all the ghosts in my mind.” STEPS - Scared Of The Dark (2017)

[juliahollandthings-blog]

5 Days Vacation

9/8/17

I should honestly be writing daily for therapy. Since I always have so much to catch up on since the last post. I turned down a job offer. It paid 2.26 more an hour but the hours weren't as flexible. I love the team I am currently on, so why fix what's not broken? That's what my mom said anyways. I am still not positive I made the right decision with declining the offer, but hopefully with time I will be thankful I did the right thing. 

So I am almost maxed out on my CTO hours where I wont accrue anymore. I needed to take it or I would lose it. So this is how I spent Tuesday-today off work. BTW I absolutely hate taking any days off, I panic and I spend money. Which is exactly what I did. 

Tuesday-I tried out a gym close to me and did the cycling class. It was fun but cycling in one spot is definitely not my favorite workout! We did close to 11 miles! During the day I went and checked out the stores at the Tanger Outlet. I really wasn't impressed with anything they had. I then spent my evening with Katie, Erik, Jacob, Leslie and her husband at Border Cantina. Its not my favorite place to eat. I felt so sick afterwards. I may never go there again. I then watched bachelor in paradise to end the evening.

Wednesday-I woke up and met my sister at the YMCA to do a HIIT class. It was super fun! I left wanting to have a dance party after. My sister, niece and I went to Panera for lunch. Afterwards we went to her place and Claire kept bringing me books to read her. She is almost 18 months. I love her SO dang much! They sure did brighten my day! The afternoon I had a doctors appointment. I wanted to get tested for STD’s. I didn't realize there was so many different things that needed to be done. I had a pap, vaginal culture, blood work, and urine sample! I guess its better to be thorough. That evening Patrick picked me up and we went to Tomato Brothers in Howell for dinner. It was amazing as always. We came back to my place after and made out. 

Thursday-I took a WERQ class at the gym. It was a different version in my opinion of Zumba. I loved how it felt like dancing more then just working out. Definitely a change for me, which is what I needed. I then went and got a massage and coffee at Red Dot in Northville. The place is SO good and classy, I loved it! After that I went and got my nails and lip/eyebrow wax done. Didn't do much in the evening. Watched a movie and spent 2 hours on the phone with Kyle

Friday-Today I woke up and went to the HIIT class at the gym. It was a great workout. Then came home, ate, got Starbucks, and headed to get my hair done. I love it, I wanted my blonde back! I spent this evening trying to find a few pajama sets for Belle’s birthday. I hope she really likes them! I also got a call that my pap came back negative but that I have a bacterial infection. So I had to pick up a prescription for that. I am continuing to pray for the other test results to come back. I have been super anxious lately. Buying way to many things. Luckily I had my money put away for my hair and wax this week and that my lens, contacts, co-pay at the doctors, prescription, and massage I could use my health savings account for. I am very thankful I chose that insurance this year. But I also took the time off to pamper myself. I ended up buying a hoodie, 3 pairs of panties, a dark jean jacket, and a denim dress. So I am waiting for those to come in the mail. I am trying to justify since I didn't go anywhere that it was okay to pamper myself. I just need to be able to cut myself off now. Christmas is fast approaching. My nieces birthday is this weekend and my dads next week. Then my moms 2 weeks after. I need to start saving for Christmas and I needed new tires for my car so I will need to make payments on that card to make sure its paid off within 6 months before crazy interest kicks in. I also need my brother to do my spark plugs which is going to cost me $70. I still have several other doctors appointments this year. Besides waiting on my test results, I go back for my flu shot, and then go back another time for my annual physical and blood work. I also have a dentist appointment coming up. I am glad I am being responsible with my health and vehicle because they are both very important. 

I also started a 40 day Gospel Reading Plan in my Bible app. My goal is to try and read some everyday. I figured being off this week it would help me try to make this become a habit.

I am also starting the LiveFit 12 Week Trainer plan next week and to start counting calories. Besides overspending I have also been overeating. I tend to do that when I am anxious about life and trying to compensate for that. When all I really need to do is to turn into God and pray about what's on my heart and ask for help. 

I have also thought about making changes in my life to meet new people. I want to try out a few life groups I am still waiting to hear back from on the details. I also want to join a softball league in the spring. I also want to do the TourDetroit next year where you bike 30 miles or something. It sounds super fun to me I just couldn't afford it this year.

Guy update:

I am still seeing Patrick. But he’s up north on vacation this weekend with 5 of his friends. I worry one of them is this girl who kept hitting on him on the party bus a few weeks back. At first he said she was too young but then when I brought her up again he said she actually does have her life together with a masters degree but is moving out of state in a few months. I cant live my life worrying though. I cant help if he doesn't like me. I think time with reveal that to me. And if it doesn't work out I need to be prepared that there is someone else out there perfect for me no matter how much it hurts.

Kyle I am suppose to meet tomorrow. He doesn't think he would be a good fit for me since I want a family and I have strong faith. Both of which he doesn't care about. Only God can put something on someone's heart though. We both said if anything we found each other to be just friends that don't live far and can hang out together! So I am anxious to see how that goes tomorrow.

Andrew-he is a guy who has messaged me a few times on match. He got my number today so I am curious to see if he text me when he gets back from out of town and if we end up meeting.

There are always several options but the right one will not let me get away. I will continue to keep the faith, have hope, and know God is working everything out for the good of those that love him.

[shelbiemays-blog]

Eurotour (aka best 12 days of my life!!)

*CAUTION: LONG AND SAPPY POST IS AHEAD*

From April 7-18 I went on a bus trip around Europe and we went to France, Germany, Czech Republic, Austria, Italy, and Switzerland. These were honestly the best 12 days of my life. I made some of the best friends in the world, and we all became a family of 48 within 12 short days together. I miss them all so much but I’ll never forget all the amazing times we had together wandering the streets of Europe. 

I’m going to go ahead and list all the people I’ll talk about so I don’t have to explain who they are later on:

Everyone from my district, Jack (USA), Joao (Brazil), Jeff (Brazil), Luca (Mexico), Sergio (Brazil), Beaven (USA), Dhruvi (India), Candela (Argentina), Cami (USA), Emma (USA), Azul (USA), Rafheala (Brazil), Marina (Mexico), Hu (South Korea), Hannah (USA), Joe (Finland)

Day 1: Paris, France

The first day of Eurotour was so lit! I had so much fun! Ao we got on the train at 9, then around 12 we got to Paris. We met everyone then got on the bus. We went to a garden, The Invalids, the Eiffel Tower, and then the other places we saw were from the bus. We stayed in Paris for about 2 hours then we headed to Reims where our hostel was. We got there around 6pm, then we ate dinner at the hostel. Around 9:30 we walked to the cathedral that Reims is known for, and on the way there and back, I talked to Jack about life and how crazy everything around us was, and when we got there, Sarah was waiting for us. It was great being able to see her again. Once we got back to the hostel, we all headed to bed for the next day.

Day 2: Strasbourg, France

This day was great. We left the hostel in Reims at 8, and got to Strasbourg around 12:30. We had an hour and a half for lunch, so we ate at this really good Italian place. Then, my pen pal for the past year and a half, and one of my really good friends, Zelie, came to meet us. I had never met her before, so it was really cool to be able to meet her in France!! After lunch we took a little tour around Strasbourg, but it wasn’t very long. After that we had another break. We looked at the little market that was going on, got ice cream, sat by the river, and then went into the cathedral, which was super cool! There was a clock that had the Earth’s rotation, zodiac signs, time (obviously), and some other stuff on it. It was huge, and super cool to see, and the coolest part about it is that it has never been recreated! I really liked Strasbourg, and when we left, since Strasbourg is on the border of France and Germany in a region called Alsace, we drove in France for about five minutes then we were in Germany! It was crazy because when I was looking out the window, one minute I could read all the signs, then the next thing you know, everything was all in German! We got to the hotel, ate dinner (man was that hard to order seeing as NOBODY spoke English or French!), had a little party thing where I met Cami and her two friends Emma and Azul. After that we all went to bed, nothing too exciting that night!

Day 3: Munich, Germany

I LOVE GERMANY! Everyone was so nice, and it was so different than France! Unfortunately, it was a Sunday so that meant everything was closed. We got to Munich around noon, and we all walked to the town hall, and it was super cool because since it was noon, the glockenspiel was going off. We went on a search for lunch, and we found a burger place, and then after that we went and got ice cream. We headed back to the meeting spot, and in the town square, there was a protest going on for the EU and for France to stay in the EU with Germany. For those of you who aren’t in to French politics, the elections are in just a couple days and if Le Pen (France’s Trump) wins the presidency, she wants to take France out of the EU. Seeing as Britain just left the EU, France and Germany are the only powers left, and if France leaves, Germany will be the only main power left and at that point, the EU would basically fall apart. So it’s a pretty big deal to Germany that France stays in the EU. We stayed and watched that for a bit, then we started our tour. We walked around a little bit, then got on the bus and went to Miami Beach, which was super cool. It was basically this river with a really strong current so people were surfing. Then we went to the BMW museum where we had free time. Me, Izzy, Kayli, Jack, Dhruvi, Beaven, and Luca were in a group and we just looked at all the cars and such, but Jack and I got separated about half way through, so we just walked around by ourselves until we found the rest of the group. After our free time was over, we got back on the bus and headed to our hotel deeper into Germany. We drove for about two hours and then once we got to the hotel, we went to eat dinner. We went back to the hotel, where I attempted to corn row Jack’s hair, and Luca, Sergio, Jeff, and Joao came into our room to talk. We finally went to bed around 11:45.

Day 4-5: Prague, Czech Republic

Our day started at 7 with breakfast, and then we hit the road to Czech. We ate lunch outside of Prague at McDonald’s, and got to the center of Prague around 1:30. We did our walking tour and looked at all the buildings and clocks. We got the Charles Bridge, where we had 30 minutes of free time so we got ice cream (in case you haven’t noticed, our plan was to get ice cream in every country). This ice cream was different than all the other places though, because they don’t serve ice cream in cones in Prague, they serve them in really big churros. We did a little bit more of a tour, then we went back to the hotel. We ate dinner around 6, then we went to a YMCA kind of thing where we bowled and played squash until 11. We had to run back to the hotel in the rain, so we were all exhausted from the bowling, squash, and running, so we all immediately went to bed. Our last day in Prague was so much fun! We started the day with a tour of the castle. It was so cold that morning that it made the tour miserable. We saw the changing of the guard, the cathedral, and the rest of old Prague. At the end we saw the John Lennon wall, and that was by far my favorite thing. We had free time after that (our typical group, Izzy, Kayli, Jack, and I gained a member, Sergio), and we all just walked around and looked around. On the way back, we got lost, and so we were late to the meeting point. After getting lectured a bit, we got on the bus and drove across Czech to the complete opposite side to Brno. We stayed in a really cool hotel and all the rooms looked like apartments. The six guys, Jack, Joao, Sergio, Joe, Jeff, and Luca had the biggest room and so after dinner we all went over there to hang out. We went back to our rooms around 11:30 and talked a little bit more with our new roommate, Rafheala. 

Day 6: Vienna, Austria

Oh my gosh, Vienna was so pretty! There wasn’t a lot to do in Vienna, so we just walked around the stores, but we spent most of our free time in souvenir shops, where Izzy and I found really cute matching (kinda) hats! Our main goal was to find Birkenstocks, but to my usual luck, Jack and Kayli found some, but I didn’t. We got Starbucks, and then towards the end, we got some really good pizza. And it was super cheap, only three euros! Then we got some really good ice cream. Our tour started after that. W didn’t walk around at all, it was all on the bus. We drove to the “min Versailles”, and walk around and took pictures. Then we drove around some. W went to a little amusement park after, but everything was so expensive, so we only rode 2 rides. After we left, and drove about 45 minutes to a really cute little hotel! We ate dinner, ten we went to a common room and played a brain storming game. it was good for bonding, but other than that kinda boring. After Izzy and I jumped on a trampoline for a bit, but then we all went back tot he hotel room and went to sleep. 

Day 7: Travel Day

The drive from Austria to Italy really wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. We drove for about 10 hours, and when we stopped for lunch, we went to a place with an amazing view of the Alps and a river. It was so pretty. We listened to music, sang, talked, slept, and just chilled. When we finally got to Italy, we stopped in Jesolo, which is the town where most people stay when they’re going to Venice. We headed straight to the beach after we put everything in our rooms (Caroline joined us this time). We put our feet in the water, sang, played music, sand volleyball, and (inside joke) Hu tried to dig a hole back to Korea. Once we were done with the beach, we went back to the hotel, which was right across the street, and ate dinner. I don’t think I’ve ever had so much pasta, and who would’ve known that they serve pasta before every main course?? After dinner, we went on a walk, stopped at an arcade where Hu and Insu killed a fighting game, and then we went back to the beach for about 30 minutes. We went back to the hotel and washed off all the sand, then went to bed.

Day 8: Venice, Italy

The next moring w had breakfast at 7:30. Thenw e got on  abus to take us to the boats for Venice! W got to Venice around 10 and then had 40 minutes for free time. Izzy and I bought masks, and other little things. Our tour was long and we walked around the entire time, because there aren’t any cars in Venice! Just walking, bikes, and gondolas! Although the tour was little boring, seeing everything was worth it! It was all so pretty! We saw a lot of Venice, so overall, it was worth it. After our tour, we had lunch, and 3.5 hours of free time. We ate pizza, got ice cream, and just walked around. Towards the end, the feeling became overwhelming, and we broke so we HAD to take a gondola ride! Sergio and Jack didn’t want to do it, so Izzy, Kayli, Dhruvi, Candela, and I all did it. We had a really great driver, Tommy, who was funny, and he even sang for us! He told us quite a bit, and come to find out, you can only be a gondola driver if you were born and raised in Venice! That was my favorite experience through all of Eurotour, even if it was only 30 minutes long. After the gondola ride, we went back to the meeting spot, and headed back to the boat to go back to Jesolo. When we got back to Jesolo, we met all the other exchange students, because there was another group that was a day behind us and we were all staying at the same hotel. We went to the beach, and did the same thing as the day before. After we went back to the hotel and ate dinner. We were all going to a club, so after dinner we all ran up to the room to get ready. Cami and another girl, Hannah from the other tour, were in our room getting ready with us. Around 10:30 we walked about 20 minutes to the club, and we stayed there until about 1am. It was a lot of fun! We walked home, and we all crashed. 

Day 9: Milan, Italy

We headed for Milan the next morning, and it was like a four hour drive. WE got there and we had 2 hours fro free time. We ate pizza again, and I had planned on meeting my friend Natalie from back home who is on her exchange in Italy, but we ran out of time. We started our three hour tour, which was so boring. We walked around the outside of a fort, wen tot the cathedral, and to the seven pointed star, which is where all the really big name brands are. We had 30 minutes for free time after that and we got the best gelato. We headed back to the bus, and drove for maybe 30 minutes and then arrived to our hotel. We had dinner, then the Rotarian’s offered us time outside, but Jack wanted me to really corn row his hair, so that’s what I did. Kayli, Izzy, and Sergio were in and out, but in the end, Jack’s hair looked so freaking good. Luca saw it and he wanted me to do the same thing to his, so I did. His hair isn’t as long as Jack’s so it was a bit harder. After everyone left our room, we all went to bed. 

Day 10: Chamonix, France

We woke up, had breakfast, and then headed for France. Chamonix was sooo pretty! It’s a little town surrounded by mountains on the border of Switzerland, Italy, and France. We had 2ish hours for lunch, so we looked for raclette, because man that stuff is amazing. Every exchange student in France says it’s their favorite meal. We looked for about 45 minutes, but we finally gave up because it was all so expensive. Izzy and I got sale and sucre crepes, but everyone else (Sergio, Caroline, Kayli, Jack, Cami, Emma, and Azul) got Subway. We headed back to the train station, and a train took up to the top of the mountain. We took some pictures, then took a ski lift car thing (sorry idk what it’s called) down to the mer de glace (a really big ice cave thing. )After that we took a train back down, took a group picture, then we went to our hotel. We had dinner, which included live music, and then we all talked outside for a bit, but Izzy and i fell asleep early. Apparently everyone else went back outside to hang out, but Izzy and I were out. 

Day 11: Geneva, Switzerland

We left for Geneva around 9, and got there around 11. We took a tour of the United Nations Office of Switzerland, and that was super cool! I really enjoyed it. It was also really cool because there was a meeting in New York that day so all the offices were open and we got to see all the meeting rooms. This place was huge, even the ceilings were huge! The tour lasted about an hour, and then we went into the center of Geneva. We had more free time for lunch, but everything was pretty expensive so we ate at McDonald’s. We walked down to the river to see the fountain, and us girls (me, Kayli, and Izzy) got ice cream. Then we headed back to the bus to head to Dijon. The drive was about 3 hours, and so when we got to Dijon, we ate dinner right away. We were having a going away party since it was our last night together. It was honestly pretty boring, all they did was play music, but everyone was so tired. Plus it was all Brazilian music, don’t get me wrong, I love it, but when you don’t understand any of the music the entire night, it gets pretty annoying. We finished around midnight, and all headed to bed. 

Day 12: Paris, France

Alright, so this is where it will get sappy. 

Talk about the saddest day ever. I wasn’t even this sad when I left home. I don’t know if I’ve ever cried this much. We woke up at ^;30, left an hour later, stopped for lunch, Jack, Izzy, Dhruvi, and I talked about the end of the world/WW3/Trump/Nuclear War at lunch, and then once we arrived in Paris, that’s when the tears started. It was so incredibly hard to say goodbye to everyone. This is definitely the worst part of exchange. I miss them all so much, even now, I mean how could I not? They were the main part of the best days of my life. These kids, from all over the world, made this trip. Not the places, but the people and memories. I have friends from all over the world, and if I could visit every one of them, I would in a second. I miss them and love them so much and pray that one day I’ll be able to see some of them again. I’ll see Jack again, he lives in the same town as Izzy, hopefully I’ll see Beaven, and Cami, Emma, and Azul. The Americans aren’t as hard to see later on, but people like Luca and Marina from Mexico, and Sergio, Jeff, Joao, and everyone else from Brazil are where it gets tricky. Before I go too far, I’m going to stop and leave you all with, if you ever get the chance, GO ON EXCHANGE! STUDY ABROAD. It will change your life, and the people you meet will change you. Open yourselves up to the world, to other people, and other cultures. You won’t regret it, I know I never will. 

#besteuropetour2017 #dab

[mikeyd1986]

MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 45, March 2017

On Monday morning, I had my second appointment with counselling psychologist Ms. Angela Ewing at Casey Allied Health in Berwick. Getting a parking spot was a pain in the ass with cars constantly pulling in and out of each bay and most of the spaces being full. I was stressing out because I only had five minutes until my appointment time and getting a spot was tough. Eventually I did find one and hoped that my car wouldn’t be towed away for not parking in the correct parking bay. https://caseyalliedhealth.com.au/se...

Today we discussed issues about making conversation with others in social situations, coping strategies for dealing with anxiety and being tested for ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). I actually have a family history of it and there is a possibility that I do have it as well. Angela got me to fill out a questionnaire containing 100 questions. I scored 51 which was a borderline result. However, Angela believes that I should get a proper screening test done as my behaviours (fidgeting, forgetfulness, easily distracted) seem to suggest otherwise. https://add.org/adhd-test/

On Monday afternoon, I met up with my Mum at The Main Cafe Bar Restaurant in Berwick. It’s my Mum’s 50th birthday so I decided to surprise her with a shopping bag filled with pressies. I bought her a bunch of purple flowers (her favourite colour), a green tea flavoured beauty pack, a ceramic tealight holder shaped like a teapot and a Bunnings teddy bear. It’s always good to see my mum smiling and happy. We shared a large margarita pizza together and chatted about each other’s mornings. http://www.themainberwick.com.au/

On Tuesday morning, I had an appointment with my support worker Ally at Colourfield Cafe Casey Central. I had a lot of things to get off my chest today starting with the huge 5km run around Lysterfield Lake last Sunday. I found it really tough fitting in socially mainly due to the fact that this group of 20-something UFT Playgrounds members were mostly new to me. I didn’t know what to say or how to make conversation. I’ve always felt like an outsider in these sorts of social situations. Still I tried to blend in at times and decided to leave early as I’d reached my limit.

I’m also considering getting a referral to see a psychiatrist to get tested for ADHD following yesterday’s appointment with Angela. It’s something that I’ve considered over the last few months and it would give me clarity to know whether I have it or not. My cousin was diagnosed with Autism so there is a family history there and could possibly be a genetic disorder.

We also discussed my sexuality and how comfortable I am with it. I came out of the closet as a gay man when I turned 21 years old. Ten years later, I still have moments where I hesitate telling people. It’s not really a big deal to me nor do I feel like I need to broadcast that information so that the entire world knows. I think it’s more of an anxiety issue, being worried of how the other person will react and will it change anything. Most people accept me for who I am, sexuality included, so it shouldn’t really matter.

On Tuesday night, I went to my Body Combat class at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. In typical Melbourne style, it was pouring with rain and even some of the streets were flooded. But this didn’t stop me from driving out to my class. I was still feeling a bit sore from my run on Sunday (still not used to those DOMs) but I figured that I could handle it and rest if I needed to.

Tonight was a really tough workout. Even our instructor Cinamon Guerin was getting worn out towards the end of it. The most challenging parts of me involved a flowing movement going from a lunge to a wide side squat and back again (my thighs are really gonna love me tomorrow!). There were also combo sequences involving jab boxes, uppercuts and hooks plus the usual high knee lifts, round-house kicks, side kicks and front kicks. http://w3.lesmills.com/israel/en/cl...On Thursday morning, I had my counseling se 

On Thursday morning, I had my counseling session with Ruth at Piece Together Counselling in Narre Warren. Today we focused on celebrating my positive qualities and achievements. I’m quite a modest person and so I’ve never really boasted or made a big deal about the things that I do so it’s nice hearing it from another person’s perspective. I’m making small steps toward breaking through my mental barriers and being able to achieve my goals in life. I still have moments of self-doubt, jealousy, awkwardness and anxiety but I’m finding ways to better adapt and cope with it. https://www.piecetogethercousellingnarrewarren.org/... 

On Thursday afternoon, I had my one-on-one PT session with Luke Davey at Breakaway Fitness in Narre Warren. Today was a really tough session for me, both mentally and physically. I feel like I’m connecting well with Luke on a personal level now and not being afraid of speaking my mind. The warm-up exercises involved a 60m cowboy walk, four rounds of 15 glute bridges and four rounds of kettle bell side stretches. 

The development exercises were definitely the most challenging for me mentally and emotionally. I started doing 12 reps of weighted front squats with 10kg added. I got a little shaky trying to keep my balance and not fall over but I did okay. Next was the box jumps. I was absolutely shitting myself inside. I didn’t want a repeat of my last year’s disastrous attempts where I nearly walked out in tears. 

This was very much a mental with the fear of tripping over the box and making a fool of myself in front of Luke really holding me back. But I kept persevering. I kept telling myself “I’m not going to let that box defeat me”. My thighs were getting more and more fatigued with each attempt but that didn’t stop me. Luke decided to add two foam mats stacked on top of each other for extra height. Boom! I finally did it. It’s going to take time for me to overcome this fear but today I really made some great progress towards it. 

In the workout today, I had to do 30, 20 and 10 reps of the following exercises: Rowing Machine in calorie mode and weighted squats. My goal time was 15 minutes. This was a really tough workout for me as the fatigue was really getting to me. My legs were physically shaking and at one point I nearly dropped the bar but thankfully Luke stood behind me and made sure I kept doing them correctly. I told myself “There’s nothing wrong with struggling. I’m gonna finish this.” And I did. I even smashed my goal time which I didn’t expect. https://www.facebook.com/breakawayf...    

On Friday morning, I attended my Vinyasa Flow yoga class at Just Be Yoga and Meditation in Beaconsfield. Of course, my DOMs (Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness) was coming on strong through my legs, thighs and glutes after yesterday’s PT session so I really had to be mindful and not overdo it today. It was another full class with about 10-12 students in the studio. http://www.yogajournal.com/slidesho...  

Today we did the following poses and sequences:

Flowing Sequence 1...From Bound Angle pose (Baddha Konasana) and a Forward Fold, transition into Reverse Table Top, then into Staff pose with a Forward Fold, then transition into Reverse Plank and flow back into Bound Angle pose.  

Flowing Sequence 2...From Standing Forward Bend (Uttanasana), move your right foot back into a High Lunge then into Downward Facing Dog, Plank, Chaturanga and up into either Seal pose or Upward Facing Dog pose. Then bring your feet back up to meet your hands, raise your arms up and into Mountain pose (Tadasana)

On Saturday morning, we celebrated Mum’s 50th birthday with a High Tea at our place. We spent the morning getting the outdoor patio area set up with tables, chairs and decorations before the catering staff arrived. It was a lovely day with 15 of Mum’s friends and relatives in attendance. The weather was fairly hot and humid but luckily the undercover roofing provided adequate shade for us all to enjoy the day.

In terms of the food, we were absolutely spoiled with finger sandwiches, mini quiches, scones with jam and cream, strawberries and marshmallows. We also had a selection of teas, coffees and flavoured lemon-lime water. I decided to give Mum one last present and it was a really special one. I bought her an Elvis Presley guitar clock and she absolutely loved it. I was so relieved that it arrived on time as I had to get it posted from interstate.

Later we all engaged in a fun game of pass the parcel which was really entertaining with Mum blowing her whistle to stop passing and unwrap a layer of paper. Everyone got a small present and seemed to enjoy themselves. It was a great idea. 

On Saturday night, we drove down to the city and checked into the Pensione Hotel on Spencer Street. After getting changed, we all walked down to the The Colonial Tramcar Restaurant tram stop near the Queen Victoria Market. Eventually, we boarded the burgundy-coloured tram and sat down inside the booth. This was a whole other level of fancy in terms of being wined and dined. The detailing inside the tram car was immaculate with plush red velvet seating, tasseled lampshades and beautifully furnished wood paneling.

We were in for a long 3 hour dinner with the tram taking us down to South Melbourne, St. Kilda and Albert Park. The five course meal included appetizers (crackers with hummus and red capsicum dips), entree (grilled barramundi fillets), main course (breast of chicken with potatoes and greens), cheese selection (crackers, two specialty cheeses, dried apricots, nuts) and dessert (cheesecake, chocolate brownie, strawberries, blueberries). 

The service was excellent throughout the night with the staff regularly walking through the center aisle and asking the guests whether they’d like another drink. We also had to option of having a coffee, tea or lacquer to finish the night on. Walking back to my hotel room with my step dad and my uncle, I was well and truly knackered, bloated and busting for the toilet. But I have no regrets and I refuse to feel guilty about overindulging for a special occasion. Back on the fitness horse next week! http://tramrestaurant.com.au/ “I had a one-way ticket to a place where all the demons go. Where the wind don’t change and nothing in the ground can ever grow. No hope, just lies and you’re taught to cry into your pillow. But I survived. I’m still breathing, I’m still breathing. I’m alive”                         Sia - Alive (2016) 

“Uh-oh, running out of breath, but I. Oh, I got stamina. Uh-oh, running now, I close my eyes. Well, oh, I got stamina...Don’t give up, I won’t give up. Don’t give up, no no no...I’m free to be the greatest, I’m alive.” Sia - The Greatest (2016)