#so we do offer to pay! which I think is way above and beyond!

[becomingkatie]

Came home from a weekend away to find out that when the catsitter said she lost her key and had to call a locksmith, he didn’t just make a key to fit our lock. He REKEYED our door so our own keys don’t work 🙃🙃🙃

[rottenpumpkin13]

A lovely group of people encouraged me to post this so fuck it !!

This is going to be a long post, bear with me, but I have a lot to get off my chest about Angeal. I’m starting with how people’s vitriol towards his character completely glosses over the trauma he endured within the game alone.

I understand that Crisis Core is a flawed game where characters like Genesis, Angeal, and even Zack didn’t translate on screen as well as they could have due to areas of weak writing and the context lost during localization into English. But at the same time, there are aspects of the game—background details—that shed light on why characters act the way they do and this is especially true in Angeal’s case.

Angeal is a character shaped not only by his upbringing in poverty, but also by the heavy emotional burden of depression and the disillusionment that follows his discovery of his origins. His actions might seem erratic or morally ambiguous on the surface, but they’re rooted in his mentality shaped by poverty, the ideals he built to survive it, and the eventual crumbling of those ideals.

When someone is raised poor—in Angeal's case, poor enough where it's implied that they didn't have enough to eat—they grow up with a scarcity mindset that comes with a sense of hyper-responsibility veered towards survival.

We know his father passed from exhaustion, working hard to pay off the Buster Sword, so we get the sense that him witnessing his parents work hard made him internalize the notion that he must work hard both to survive and to uphold honor at any cost.

Angeal’s preoccupation with the concept of honor is a direct reflection of his upbringing. Based on Gillian telling Zack in Banora that the Buster Sword represents their family’s honor, we understand that Angeal grew up being taught to value it. Without material wealth or privilege, Angeal built his identity around his ideals. He frequently reminds Zack that honor is the defining trait of a SOLDIER, showing how he clings to this concept to give his life meaning beyond his origins.

Growing up poor not only teaches you that you are undeserving of basic necessities, but it would teach Angeal to value stability and resources, no matter the moral compromises required to secure them. 

The opportunity to join SOLDIER and work for Shinra would've represented a way out of poverty. Shinra offered him a stable future and the means to provide for his mother (maybe even his father, though as I'm writing this, when Angeal's father died hasn't been revealed in the canon timeline. It's very possible that he also saw it as a way to provide and care for his sick father).

Using SOLDIER as a means to escape poverty—despite Hollander’s probable influence, let's be honest—likely became an underlying reason why Angeal didn’t abandon Shinra outright. In his mind, letting go of SOLDIER would mean letting things fall apart—losing resources, security, and a sense of control, which he was already losing with the desertion, the Genesis war, and the degradation.

This mindset also explains Angeal’s relationship with the sword his father gave him, as the Buster Sword represents the culmination of his ideals: hard work, honor, and the tools necessary for survival. But Angeal refuses to use the Buster Sword for fear of causing wear, tear, and rust.

Seeing his father lose his life over the sword, he resolved not to use it unless absolutely necessary, saving his resources until truly needed. It’s not that he’s stingy or nonsensical—this is textbook behavior for someone raised in poverty. He doesn’t want to waste or use up what’s valuable, especially knowing that his father died for it.

He's hyper-aware of his role in supporting others, and we can see this by his deep sense of responsibility toward Zack, like how he saved him in Wutai using the Buster Sword. When he says "You’re a little more important than my sword" I like to think that he means that, above all, he values the people he cares about.

However, the same ideals create tension within him the moment they crumble following his desertion. Not only his sense of honor, but as he learns the truth, his sense of self-worth begins to deteriorate and thus begins the downward spiral of not knowing how to reconcile his nature as a "monster" in his words, with being SOLDIER. 

Angeal’s depression is evident throughout Crisis Core, and the degradation of the Jenova cells mirrors the psychological and emotional degradation he experiences (literal implications aside).

The closer he gets to losing his body, the more he loses his sense of purpose and identity, not to mention how the honor he had built his life around was spoiled the minute the people who taught him that were his father, who turned out not to be his biological father at all, and his mother, who lied to him. His entire life. He starved for nothing and lost his father twice.

The depression Angeal experiences is compounded by the trauma of discovering the truth about his birth. Learning that he was created as part of Shinra's experiments, that his mother was complicit in these experiments, and that he is no more than a weapon for corporate interests leaves him rightfully betrayed. In fact, his reaction was tame in comparison to Genesis and Sephiroth.

His mother’s suicide further deepens his trauma and gives us the first major evidence of his suicidal ideation and severely unwell mental state: "My mother did not deserve to live, and neither does her son," which he says instead of explaining what happened/defending himself after Zack assumed he killed her.

This belief that he is unworthy of life stems directly from the revelation that his life was never truly his own but an engineered existence meant to serve Shinra's greed. This statement epitomizes his suicidal ideation, a declaration that he too is undeserving of life, both because of the role he played in perpetuating Shinra’s horrors and the labelling himself as a monster undeserving of life, an unnatural thing that needs to be purged from existence.

I can’t even begin to describe the magnitude of the revelation that the man whose ideals he built his life around, whom he believed was his father, isn’t his father at all but instead Hollander is, who his mother worked with to orchestrate everything that’s happening to him now

Mothers are a central theme in FF7’s world, with Jenova/Lucrecia being at the center of that and their actions’ influence over Sephiroth, but there’s also Cloud grieving his mother’s death at the hands of Sephiroth, Tifa believing that she would see her mother again if she climbed Mt. Nibel, Aerith watching Ifalna die and then being adopted by Elmyra, and so on. 

Gillian, from what we can tell, was loving and raised Angeal with care. She likely kissed him to bed each night, comforted and nurtured him in the way a devoted mother would. But the revelation of her involvement in the Jenova Project shattered everything Angeal believed about her. In Angeal's words, her "shame" became unbearable, and he saw her once nurturing presence as a facade hiding deeper lies. Her decision to take her own life after he confronted her about it added to Angeal’s trauma, reinforcing the belief that everything he held dear was built on deception. 

I like to think that there was a part of Angeal that carried the guilt of Genesis’ degradation. Maybe he thought that if he hadn’t come between them in the training room, Genesis would’ve been fine—(which I don’t think so. I think there’s a high chance Genesis would’ve gotten hurt either way and that would’ve triggered the degradation).

This is a topic for another time, but I don't think any singular person was to blame for the incident in the training room. They're all equally to blame without it being their fault, because none of them asked to be a part of the Jenova Project. It's ultimately Shinra's fault.

Angeal probably struggled with depression even before the events of Crisis Core. Poverty itself is a destructive force that can cause lasting psychological damage. It has a significant impact on mental health, just like how growing up under Hojo’s abuse and being controlled by Shinra had its effects on Sephiroth. It can and does lead to depression due to the mental, emotional, and often physical (hello, Angeal's father) exhaustion it causes. Even when someone escapes the instability, it still stays with you because by then, you've learned to live in a world that taught you that you didn't deserve to live in it unless you work hard.

And now Angeal doesn't want to live in it for other reasons.

Another thing @ilminnestrone pointed out to me (who, btw, huge shout out for beta’ing this post <3 ), is how his mental state was influenced by the culture of toxic masculinity within the military/ SOLDIER. Just like in the real world, the military environment at Shinra likely placed a heavy emphasis on masculinity, strength, stoicism, and left little to no room for vulnerability lest the operative in question was deemed weak and not at all befitting of the shallow profile of a hero Shinra capitalized on. 

In environments like these, Angeal is expected to always be in control, to suppress any emotional or mental struggles, and to uphold an image of unshakable resilience, especially when he was canonically considered to be the spiritual leader of SOLDIER.

This expectation of constant strength absolutely exacerbated whatever pre-existing struggle he had going on—circling back to how being raised in poverty has long lasting effects on mental health. Rather than being able to openly process his feelings about his degradation, his mother’s betrayal, Hollander being his real father, or where he fit in this new reality of his, he was still trapped in a role that demanded he shoulder everything in silence. 

Keep in mind that in a culture where admitting weakness is often seen as failure, Angeal’s (and Genesis’) deterioration would’ve been magnified tenfold by the toxic expectation that they maintain an appearance of unwavering strength. 

This combined with the rigid ideals Angeal built around honor and the nature of his job must’ve weighed on him for years. The mutation only exacerbated potential doubts that were already there. 

Angeal's actions in the narrative are not those of a clear-cut hero or villain. Instead he occupies an in-between space where his moral compass, traumatic experiences and actions inspired by his headspace constantly clash, which is what leads to his label as a hypocrite. 

His decision to defect from Shinra and join Genesis is not a simple act of betrayal but rather the result of his overwhelming internal conflict. On the one hand, he wants to get through to Genesis and help him, he's aware that Shinra has betrayed them, but on the other hand, his ingrained sense of duty and loyalty makes it difficult for him to fully break away from the organization and responsibilities he has like, for example, Zack.

He wants to do good but knows that his conception was not a product of good intentions. In his mind he's a monster being pulled in different directions at once. If anything, this is most realistic reaction to what he’s going through in the game. 

His behavior becomes erratic as he oscillates between opposing forces—one where he remains loyal to the values he once cherished, and another where he acknowledges the harsh truth— struggling to reconcile his identity as an honorable SOLDIER with a science experiment.

This moral ambivalence is a symptom of his deeper trauma, as he tries to cling to the remnants of his previous beliefs, which is why he’s still enforcing having dreams and honor despite his actions. 

Some dialogue from the game where Angeal acknowledges his headspace: 

Angeal: I need your help

Zack: Do you?

Angeal: 

Zack: Honestly, what are you thinking Angeal?

Angeal: I'm not really sure myself. At times I feel as if my mind is mired in fog. 

The scene where he sprouts his wing and jokes about being after world domination is another key glimpse into his mindset. At this point, the joke isn’t entirely a joke—it’s a reflection of his resignation to the role the degradation has cast him in. The line about a monster’s objective being world domination is a bitter acceptance of the fact that, in his mind, he has no choice but to fulfill the destiny that was engineered for him. 

He feels trapped. And yet when Zack compares him to an angel, his response is: "Then what should an angel fight for Zack? What do angels dream of?! Angels dream of one thing... To be human."

He wants the cure and the normalcy so badly, but in his mind, the "monstrosity" is something that sets him apart from humanity and a reminder that he is different, degraded, and no longer the man he once believed himself to be.

Angeal's ultimate decision to force Zack to kill him is the culmination of his depression and his struggle to reconcile his identity. He believes that his continued existence is something that needs to be purged, something that poses a danger to those around him, something that shouldn't have existed in the first place.

He wants to pass on the ideals of honor that he once held so dear, even if he feels unworthy of them himself. In his mind, the only way to regain some form of dignity is to die by the hand of someone who still embodies the values he once believed in. 

Zack as his student represents the purity of those ideals—untainted by the knowledge of Shinra's experiments and degradation. By having Zack end his life, Angeal seeks not only an escape from his torment but also a way to pass on his legacy to Zack.

His final words: "Protect your honor, always."

Angeal made his dreams clear earlier when he said that an angel's dream is to be human. When he dies, passing the Buster Sword to Zack is not only a way to protect his honor but also a fulfillment of that dream. At that moment, there's nothing more human than dying at the hands of someone else, rather than succumbing to degradation.

This act, while devastating (and yes, extremely traumatic for Zack), is consistent with the psychological profile of someone who has suffered long-term trauma, depression, and suicidal ideation. 

Might be controversial but at this point in the rant fuck it: Condemning Angeal’s choices shifts all the sympathy onto others while entirely overlooking the immense suffering he was enduring. People often focus on how his actions impact those around him—Zack, Sephiroth, and others—without ever considering what Angeal himself is going through. All the above mentioned, the shame, the suicidal thoughts brought on by the degradation and his subsequent actions to purge himself from existence, they’re all pushed aside in favor of examining how others are affected. Everyone was affected, yes, and Zack deserves all the sympathy in the world for what he was made to endure in Crisis Core.

But I feel like this erases Angeal’s pain and frames his ultimate decision as a betrayal rather than a desperate act of self-sacrifice driven by his own emotional struggles.

"Oh, but Angeal was a terrible friend, Angeal was a bad mentor, Angeal was a hypocrite." Here’s the thing: If you’re someone who sympathizes with Sephiroth for having a traumatic past that led to a mental breakdown and burning Nibelheim, if you understand Genesis’ destructive actions as a response to degradation, then you can sympathize with Angeal for his turmoil and his position in Crisis Core.  

Angeal’s spiral is rooted in a lifetime of hardship—from growing up in poverty to confronting the existential dread of his degradation. He wasn’t just a man falling apart. He was someone trying to uphold the honor he cherished, even as his world and his sense of self crumbled around him and forced that honor he held so dear became hollow. 

His actions make sense within the context of his mental state.

I'll end this by saying that this isn't a rant to defend his actions, but rather to defend the mental health aspect that may go overlooked when discussing Angeal, which is such an integral part of his character.

[ivystoryweaver]

Cosmic - Poe Dameron

Episode 3: The Man Who Fell to Earth previous next

Cosmic Masterlist | Poe Dameron Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Pairing: Poe Dameron x gn!reader

Summary: Poe wants to be useful around the farm; you want him to take a break. Also he's hot. And you have thoughts about it.

Content/Notes: domestic fluff, tw food, pinch of angst

Word Count: ~2k

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

It was unfair, really.

Poe Dameron was good at everything.

He learned how to drive your truck in a day. The tractor, the next day.

He had a natural intuition with animals. Even the chickens liked him.

And no task seemed beneath him either. He decided to clean the bathroom, and from there, he cleaned the half bath downstairs. Then the kitchen. He scrubbed and scrubbed until everything was shining. All in one afternoon, while you purchased feed and picked up some parts for the tractor.

He seemed willing, eager even, offering to help with a bright smile that never fully reached his eyes.

Your heart went out to him. He was a long way from home.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

“Let me cook for you tonight,” you told him the next day, “as a thank you.”

The sun dipped below the horizon as the two of you pushed back and forth in the front porch swing.

“A thank you? I’m the one who’s thankful,” he answered with the open sincerity you’d come to expect from him.

“You’ve helped me so much," you explained quietly. "You’ve gone way above and beyond. I just want to do something nice for you.”

His gaze landed on yours, captivating yet gentle. “You saved my life. I could never go above and beyond.” Nudging your arm with his, he added, “I won’t turn down a good meal, though. Can I help?”

“Poe, come on, take the night off,” you playfully scolded. “You survived a crash landing and you’ve worked every day since. Let’s watch TV or something tonight, and then you can relax tomorrow.”

A wrinkle you’d come to secretly adore formed between his thick eyebrows. “But…what would I do? I can’t do nothing.”

“You can,” you gently insisted. “Don’t you ever take time off and just do nothing?”

Poe swallowed thickly, gazing up at the sky. “I can’t remember the last time I did.”

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

You and Poe had thrifted a few outfits for him, simply because he insisted you not pay for new clothes. He dressed a black, long sleeved shirt, blue jeans (which he found particularly intriguing) and boots. You got him a brush and comb, some shaving supplies and personal toiletries, so he made the effort to clean up and look presentable - a task he rarely had time or need for in the Resistance.

While he showered and took some time for himself, you changed into a simple dress, set the table and lit some candles. Then you blew them out, thinking it was too romantic. Glancing down at yourself, you darted upstairs and changed into something more relaxed. No need to try so hard and make things awkward.

Once you ventured back downstairs, you saw Poe waiting by the table, his eyes lighting up at the sight of you. "Hey, I saw you lit a candle. Did I miss a prayer or something?"

"Oh. No, sorry," you sheepishly answered with a wave of your hand, feeling your face heat up as you realized how much you had been overthinking things. "I thought I would light them for dinner, but I didn't know if it was too much."

"Too much?" His eyebrows shifted curiously.

"Um, nothing. We can light them. It'll be nice," you decided, reaching for the matches. "Do you have candles on...Yavin 4?"

"We light them in memory, mostly," he explained. "My father and I light one for my mom, especially on certain days."

"Okay," you nodded. "You can light one for your mom. And I'll light one for my dad. I guess my mom too. She died when I was so young that I barely remember her."

"I'm so sorry," Poe sincerely voiced. "It's so hard to lose them. We've lost so many in the war."

You struck the match. "Then let's remember them all."

Poe's throat bobbed, his eyes glistening at your gesture. You brought the match to the candle and set it aflame before handing the lit candle to him. "Here, light the other one. For your mother. And your friends."

All you wanted was to make Poe feel appreciated during this dinner. To maybe let him catch his breath after everything he'd been through. You wondered now if you'd only managed to make him feel worse.

"I wonder if someone is out there lighting a candle for me," he softly voiced, "thinking I'm gone." He set the candle back in its holder. "I wish I could tell them how lucky I am to have landed here safely. With you."

He held your gaze for a brief eternity, one corner of his mouth finally curling as he noticed you shifting from foot to foot.

"Y-you must miss them," you sympathized, fidgeting with your hands, "war or not. Uhm, let's sit down. I want to hear all about them."

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Over dinner, Poe told you all about his parents, how they were rebel fighters against an evil Empire. He asked if Earth had anything like that. You briefly mentioned the Axis Powers and World War II. Then he went on to bring you up to speed about the First Order and the Resistance, mentioning his friends and colleges.

He talked with his hands a lot, eyes bright and animated, laughter crinkling the corners of his eyes. Now and then his gaze would catch yours across the table, candlelight dancing in them. You shifted in your chair, suddenly feeling like you were on a date.

But that was ridiculous. All Poe wanted to do was find a way to get off this planet and back to his war. You had to be more careful with your sense of attachment. With your heart.

You could see that anyone could fall in love with him. In fact, you were certain he must have someone waiting for him. Possibly several someones - hopefuls, at least. So, while he talked and talked, you started constructing a protective wall around yourself, determining to pour all your energies into helping Poe somehow get back to his life. That's how you would use the growing care and attachment you were feeling for him. It had to be for his benefit. You couldn't keep any of it for yourself. It wouldn't be right.

There was nothing for him here. And certainly nothing for you except for here.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

"Doesn't anyone help you maintain your farm?" He asked you the next day, having joined you early as you fed the animals and tended to them.

"Yes, actually, but his mother is ill back in New Jersey. He's gone for a while. And once Dad died, I sold a bunch of acres to my closest neighbor. I just couldn't maintain it all," you explained. "It's a small organic farm, but it suits me. I'm not really interested in expansion. I only keep what I can handle on my own."

"You like to keep to yourself then?" He asked with a wry grin.

The sun had climbed high, making Poe's white t-shirt cling to his chest. Without really thinking, he pushed a gloved hand through his damp curls as a drop of sweat slid down his temple.

Catching you staring, he glanced at the shovel in his opposite hand. "What? Am I doing it wrong?"

Clearing your throat, you took a step back, wiping at the sweat pooling on the back of your neck. "No. As usual, you've got the hang of it."

"Good," he grinned. "If I can take care of the horses, I hope you'll let me ride one."

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Author's note: If you haven't read it before, now would be the right moment to read or re-read "No One Like You" which would take place about right now in the story. Poe rides a horse for the first time and you share a moment together.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

You managed to actually convince Poe to take the next day off after your horse ride together, while you worked on the farm. Or at least that's what he said he would do. But as soon as you opened the screen door to your kitchen, you found him elbow deep in some sort of batter, trying to bake something.

"Hey, you're back." He flashed you a smile. "What is...Crisco?"

"Um, shortening. Like...lard? Does that make sense?" Your hands landed on your hips. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, I found your cookbook and it says that you can bake a cake for celebrations. So I decided to make a cake to celebrate."

A laugh bubbled up inside you as you searched the pantry for the shortening. "Celebrate what?"

"You let me ride your horse finally," he shrugged one shoulder, dumping a small bowl of baking flour into the larger mixing bowl, which managed to send about a third of it up into the air like a cloud.

Flour dusted his cheeks, eyelashes and the curls flopping across his forehead. But before you could admonish him, he shook his head like a dog, making you giggle.

"Hey, what does 'fold the flour' mean? Because I'm guessing it doesn't mean dump it in there like I just did."

"Here you go," you chuckled, handing him a towel, which he used to clean off his face. "Fold definitely does not mean dump it in all at once. Here, let me help."

You shook your head, amused, moving around the kitchen to collect spatulas, the electric mixer and two aprons. "If you want to bake, you have to be prepared," you said softly, turning him by the shoulder to face you. Reaching up over his dark mop of curls, you secured the apron strap behind his neck, trying to ignore the way his eyes danced over the contours of your face while you were so close to him.

"Is this thing so I won't wear the whole recipe on my clothes?"

"Yes. Turn around," you playfully ordered, spinning your finger in the air. He silently complied, allowing you to tie the apron strings at waist level. You fixed your eyes on the work of your hands and definitely not the round curve of his -

"See something you like back there, Trix?"

"Yeah, a bunch of flour in your hair. You look like a little old man, with white hair, actually."

He whirled back around. "Little?"

"Yes," you laughed, tying your own apron to your body. "You're not exactly the tallest guy in the world." Your voice grew serious. "Wait, is everyone in your galaxy super short? Am I being offensive?"

"I'm taller than you," he fired back, reaching for a spatula.

"Are you though?" You grabbed the spatula out of his hand. "Poe Dameron, why are you baking a cake from scratch when I have a cake mix in the cupboard? You are supposed to be relaxing."

"What's scratch?"

"It means cooking from like...all separate ingredients - you know what, nevermind. What are you doing off the couch? It's your day off."

"I was bored. I can't just sit around. That's not...I don't want to do that. I wanted to come and help you, but I thought I would bother you, like maybe you don't want me around all the time." He gestured around himself animatedly. "I mean, you didn't ask for any of this and the one day you want to be on your own - "

"Whoa, slow down." Setting the spatula down, you grasped his forearm. "Poe, you're not bothering me. Not at all. I just don't want you to feel like you owe me. Like you have to keep working every day with no break."

"I think..." he sighed deeply, eyes dropping to his boots. "I don't know if I can sit still for very long. With no mission, nothing to fly, nothing to fix. I'll go crazy."

Unsure of how you could have misunderstood up to this moment, you granted him a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry if I made you feel unwanted. Or bored. You can bother me all you want."

"You probably don't want to make that offer, Trix," he admonished, sliding his arm down to grasp your fingers in his, "or I'll never leave you alone."

next

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Follow @ivystoryupdates and turn on notifications to never miss an update

Cosmic Masterlist | Poe Dameron Masterlist | Main Masterlist | Join my tag list

[variousqueerthings]

so been thinking about how s2 often feels like a post-Victoria consequences thing

and by this i mean the way that the first few episodes still feel like Ray and Fraser to an extent gently coming together again after letting go and how that narrative feels like it reaches a mini-arc conclusion in witness when Fraser decides to stay in Chicago

and then how a great deal of the dynamics between them are based in Ray's feelings about Fraser's issues with boundaries and putting himself in dangerous situations for others and his interpersonal conflict aversion stuff and basically the big ball of "Fraser's someone who others can (and have, and do) take advantage of, let's try to make that not be a thing"

so i did a list of times i which ray tries to coach Fraser, or confronts him with these issues, or in some other way is affected by it, which i called “every time Ray tries to coach Fraser to stand up for himself/be more in touch with his emotions/stop being a martyr for two seconds” collection

- EPISODE 1: NORTH

- - - - is upset about Fraser’s insistence that they put their own welfare below “catching the bad guy” and questions/is exasperated with Fraser’s need to push on when he is blind and later can’t walk

- - - - hints that Ray is aware of how much Fraser's relationship with his father started this trajectory

- - - - also there's something about ray literally carrying him for a part of this episode. he'll cajole, he'll call out, he'll coach, but at the end of the day if Fraser needs it, he'll carry

- EPISODE 2: VAULT

- - - - Ray points out that Thatcher clearly hates Fraser and is punishing him

- - - - Ray tells Fraser not to apologise to the criminal

- - - - Ray asks Fraser why it is that he does the things he does

- - - - Ray forces Fraser to admit that he sometimes feels unappreciated and that he will stick up for himself

- - - - makes him acknowledge he’s got a liiiittle bit of petty joy in seeing the other Canadian lying unconscious on the ground

- - - - all of this of course ends in fraser daring to confront thatcher about wanting to wear his old uniform (with a lot of stuttering)

- EPISODE 3: WITNESS

- - - - as we see in a couple of episodes, it's the other way around this time, Fraser protects Ray/makes sure Ray's outsized ability to call bullshit doesn't get him further beat up and potentially killed in prison

- EPISODE 4: BIRD IN THE HAND

- - - - literally offers Fraser to help him kill Gerrard/cover up -- in the smaller text there's a lot about wanting Fraser to acknowledge how deeply affected by Gerrard's betrayal he is (which he does, but not when Ray is around)

- EPISODE 5: THE PROMISE

- - - - points out Fraser’s a bit of a sap for trying to find the good in everyone (in this case Meg)

- - - - also is pointedly quite sarcastic with Meg when she's rude to Fraser in public

- EPISODE 6: MASK

- - - - is once more very sarcastic with Meg, right after she’s rude to Fraser (who could have died from falling off a building)

- EPISODE 7: ONE GOOD MAN

- - - - goes with Fraser to complaints and coaches him in what to do (does take over when Fraser fails to actually complain and asks him to please help)

- - - - equally goes above and beyond to make sure that Fraser is first able to speak at city hall (with his mean girl antics) and then pays people a hundred dollars at a time to listen to him/help strengthen his case

- EPISODE 8: JULIET

(this is the Fraser needs to protect Ray from himself episode, which in some ways is both a testament to Fraser's ability allow conflict when it's about justice + Ray's soul, but on the flipside feels like him allowing himself to be a punching bag for the whole precinct)

- EPISODE 9: THE EDGE

- - - - do think he’s finally seeing The Thing with Meg and he doesn't bite as much in her direction/about her at Fraser

- - - - is defensive of Fraser at the FBI agents (Ray hating the FBI is one of my favourite tidbits about him)

- EPISODE 10: STARMAN

- - - - honestly, more for himself (as it should be) in an attempt to not get Fraser to trust Ian

- - - - but he still follows Fraser into the compound, so in many ways he's kind of over-indulgent of Fraser's heroic antics in this one (you really are a sap for this guy, Ray)

- EPISODE 11: EGGMEN

- - - - fun that he actually is warming to Meg very much

- - - - even though he makes statements about not being sure Fraser’s right, he very much backs Fraser’s play to dispute being at fault for the accident

- - - - is annoyed that Fraser didn’t tell him about his commendation

- EPISODE 12: SOME LIKE IT RED

- - - - I think it’s notable that he doesn’t in this one, considering how Ms Fraser is far more assertive than Mr Fraser

- - - - although he does save her from dancing with a creep

- EPISODE 13: WHITE MEN

- - - - Ray really stands with Fraser this episode, at the cost of his own career reputation -- even when he demands explanations from Fraser, that's not a dispute, it's something he knows Fraser will give him and he goes with all of Fraser's points after thinking about them

- EPISODE 14: ALL THE QUEENS HORSES

- - - - very much standing aside for Meg and Fraser in this one. It’s not coaching Fraser or anything, it’s just a bit of a conclusion to Ray’s personal little saga with Meg, considering he practically compared her to Victoria in The Promise (is it reaching, idk, it was the first thing I wondered when he said "the good in everyone"). So Fraser's bad track record with being used by women specifically (in this case) is put to an end (until, I recently found out, s3 where it rears its head again, interestingly)

- EPISODE 15: BODY LANGUAGE

- - - - forcefully: "take the compliment Benny!!"

- - - - when asked if he really believes in the strength of the case: “no but he (fraser) does and that’s all the counts”

- - - - after a discussion about how Fraser ought to have more optimism about the future (in this case the literal future being that two leads will show up) Fraser: “we’ll have four menus please.” Ray, softly: “it’s a start”

- EPISODE 16: THE DUEL

- - - - another role reversal in a sense (pairs quite nicely with Juliet, not in the sense that Ray's done anything wrong, but that Fraser is out to bat for him in a way that nobody else is)

- EPISODE 17: RED WHITE OR BLUE

- - - - their whole! THING! In this episode! Is a mix of aaaallll of Ray’s feelings coming to the fore at once, which includes some of his feelings of inadequacy, but mostly a heavyheavy dose of telling Fraser he needs to feel his feelings, including the angry and sad ones!!!!! his whole frustration comes full circle with the beginning of the season!!!!!!!!!!!

- - - - at the end of it calls him a saint and Fraser gives that right back to him and they sort it out 😭

- EPISODE 18: FLASHBAcK

- - - - AFTER ALL OF THIS Ray is desperately trying to get Fraser’s memory back, with all of his silly-boy antics (opening doors, excessive politeness, heroism). when fake!Fraser calls himself annoying, when he asks if he's "being punished" etc. Ray's whole deal is how much he wants him back. the issue has of course never been that Ray thinks Fraser is "annoying" it's that he wants him to demand the world treat him better

[katyspersonal]

Gideon for the ask meme. =)

(Ask from this ( x ) meme)

Favorite thing about them:

I like that he kind of subverted the trope he seemed to be going for! I already answered the same thing in your ask regarding what exactly made him turn around and abandon everything ( x ), and honestly I DID need to answer that question to myself first of all so thank you for that one! x)

He feels like the trope of a guy who is very smart with books but not a smart person, or rather, "knowledge does not equal wisdom"! Like, you know this trope! And a very pleasing trope to latch onto, because we all knew at least one person like this! One who is very well-informed, a walking encyclopedia, but either doesn't make real sense of this information or misses the main point in all these facts and details! Well... nonetheless, he understood something not even we have: Marika's true wish!

He understood the lie of "consort of Marika", and why exactly she shattered the Elden Ring! He understood she wanted to end the vicious cycle that existed as long as she does, and sure she did not want another one to start by Elden Ring being repaired! Unfortunately, "a God can't die" (though she probably hoped Hewg and someone he helps would find the way?), so the best he can offer to approximate her wish is to gatekeep the Elden Ring endlessly!

Not only he understood what we, who seek Lordship, didn't. Being the head of the Roundtable Hold was THE massive chunk of his life, his main accomplishment. He gave all this time, research and even many deals with his own integrity for the purpose that the called Tarnished were promised. He lived hell knows how long and the lie of Two Fingers was all he ever knew. And yet, as soon as he glimpsed into truth, his instant reaction was "alright then, new plan". A typical trope of this character would've had a severe cognitive dissonance at least, a pathetic reaction of rejecting the truth at most. But he just... rolled with it. No denial, no despair. Instantly embraced the fact that everything he's been working on was a lie. How many people do you know that take having their whole world shutter THIS well and simply accept the new facts?

This is commendable. He might have made many mistakes in his life and appeared arrogant and became cold, but he passed THE one trial for whether he really values knowledge that mattered the most. He, in the end, lived up to what he aspired to be with no struggle beyond "shuddering in fear".

Least favorite thing about them:

Oh, I definitely agree that it got to be the way he disowns Nepheli, but it speaks more about him. Because this is the same trait that allows him to take Ensha's death as just an inconvenience that must not distract him any longer! Ironically, it is simply the other side of the trait of his that I JUST praised above!

He is quick to adapt and bounce back from the stress, true... But he is also quick to severe the bonds if his goals or situation calls for it. I do not believe he never cared for Nepheli! The way he talks about her, both words and his voice tone, betray respect and affection.

And yet he later says he "no longer has a use for her".

The man can't get mentally staggered by anything, which is his power, but a power that comes with a price. ....that usually other people will pay. He will instantly move on from a breakup, not shed a tear at the funeral of a loved one, bounce back from betrayal as though he never expected anything to begin with, and he definitely, DEFINITELY won't hesitate to cut the ties if the hold him back! Does this man have a heart? Can truly lasting, deep bonds be formed with him, if he doesn't let anyone's hand hold his heart strings?

Strange, how the same trait can be commendable strength of the character in one instance, but a rather repulsive callousness in another, don't you think?

Favorite line:

"Despite knowing next to bloody nothing, he's so far up his own arse he won't suspect a thing. His inevitable display of arrogance will certainly be a sight to behold."

I do love all of his nerding, but him being salty about Seluvis felt sooooo satisfying! xD I don't know why, this dialogue just always makes me smile! It is both the sense of "being against the same bitch" even if briefly AND knowing that he is not wrong though. >:3

brOTP:

Him and Dolores, I think!

I was talking about his callousness that doubles like strength of the character for a while, right? I feel like he was friends with Dolores and Seluvis before he developed to be like that, in younger years!

It is not quite like Gideon that we know now, to cut the ties with someone because they've harmed a person he cared about and not because "they are no longer of use"! More than that; whatever you say about Seluvis as a person, but I'd say he is quite useful acquaintance!

I am not sure whether this experience broke Gideon's heart and he never assed to glue it back, or he simply changed over years on his own. But nonetheless, he held her dear. "Both a critic and a friend of Gideon the All-Knowing". He appreciated a person who had the balls to disagree with him, and you KNOW she had actual arguments and good points to be respected as a critic by HIM! It is another glimpse into how he really IS the man who values the truth over "being right". She must have been the type to be clever even without much knowledge or read books, and he for sure is aware that being informed doesn't mean understanding this information. Their debates must have been very productive for both of them! I can see how he valued her honesty and insight, yet back in his better days, he grieved her, not her "lost use".

OTP:

I think maybe, again, Dolores? It feels like this ship would've never came to fruition in canon! I can picture either him having a crush but never expressing it, or her not feeling the same and them bouncing back to being friends very quickly! Still, the "love" from Gideon we know these days is a treacherous kind, ready to leave you behind as soon as the situation calls for it. But, he used to be different.

I also like to think he liked Wilhelm and Vargram both! True, Vyke was the Roundtable Hold Tarnished who approached Lordship the closest! But, he respected the approach of those two more. Wilhelm is a goddamn NERD as well, peering as far as primeval current and accepting the "Insight" that told him to fight his friend! Vargram took the task put on Tarnished so seriously that he fashioned himself after a Shadowbeast! And found Gloam Eyed Queen's sword?! I could picture his respect to the two who take it as seriously as he does growing into something stronger! Don't know which guy though. 🤔 In any case, these things are from the days long past, but he wishes Tarnished at least half-way as endearing as those two joined again.

nOTP:

I think Gideon x Seluvis just doesn't hold appeal for me.. I do not mind 'hatefucking' kind of pairs at all, okay? *voice of a guy who wrote that mini speculation about Hornsent and Leda lol* They're funny! But it is the "they fell apart because of Dolores" that seals the deal for me...

It is a Serious One, to be together with someone who obliterated the free will of a person you cherished for that free will to begin with! Gideon is a different person now, but I think he reserves the younger Gideon that lost her as inseparable part of his history, and buildup to who he became. And that includes grudge with Seluvis. These days, he would've "forgiven" someone like that as long as they're "of use" as he learned to not expect any human decency, but the pillars of the past may remain untouched.

Random headcanon:

As you can see, Gideon is unprecedented case of a Nox Tarnished, something we don't get to have in character creation presets nor anything seen in any other character!

From the way he speaks of Nepheli, he is not quite blind to someone's origins or heritage! As much as he ultimately values someone's own potential, these biases he can't fully uproot, and it includes him. Deep down, he feels proud to descend from folks that angered the Greater Will itself and dared to try and do no one else would! In an oddly poetic way, it played nicely into the end of his story, where he did favor what Marika wanted rather than what Two Fingers and whatever behind them wanted! Without intending to, he lived to the mindset of his ancestors...?

Still, he always knew he was "not like other kids" for his looks, and felt glad if someone was able to recognise his kind of eyes.

Unpopular opinion:

Most (all of them) things people guilt Gideon for actually apply to Seluvis! Seluvis is the arrogant one, Seluvis is the all-books-no-wits guy! Seluvis is a disgusting scheming bastard! Seluvis is the one "coping"! Gideon IS wise and knowledgeable, Gideon DOES have principles even if he lost the struggle to uphold him on his way! STOP LIVING IN A LIE WAKE UP

Song I associate with them:

For some reason this, makes me think of him... More particularly, his gradual descent into making more and more deals with his own consciousness.

This song made me imagine Gideon constantly having to convince himself that this is "the last atrocity he commanded", that the situation simply called for it now, but surely, when he (or someone he helped) becomes a Lord, all will be fixed and redeemed? He will be back on the track to his goal to fix the world and never let oppression happen again! This is just this time, he will have better options later, eventually, for sure...

Favorite picture of them:

[vergess]

So a friend reblogging this interview tips post, which is a perfectly fine post with advice that is useful or whatever.

But I desperately need hiring managers to stop acting like the livelihood and continued survival of their interviewees is "playing the game." It's not a game; it has never been a game. It's people's survival. Our lives.

I understand that to management it's about showing team spirit. But to everyone else, management just said that I need to buy new clothes if I even want to be considered a meritorious applicant, regardless of my skills, experience and attitude.

Because every single thing I own is "ratty." That is to say, it is worn out, thread bared, and has stains/rips embroidered over. That's what being a poor person looks like.

"Oh just spend $20 on a shirt and pants."

I'm also fat. Button down shirts that won't be an Obscenity charge are $40. Pants are $60. I have 37 dollars to my name and I still have to buy medicine and shelter.

And remember: this expense is for the lottery chance that I may get hired. It is NOT an expectation presented AFTER an offer.

I get to pay for new clothes for russian roulette.

I should spend everything I have and more to buy one outfit for interviews and really, really hope that this time I get the job. Even though interviews are notoriously biased against fat people, POC, queer people, and women.

Management also just said I need to prove that I know about the company atmosphere from personal, unpaid, off the clock research above and beyond the application and interview process.

That I should self teach, BEFORE so much as an offer is made.

Meanwhile literally hundreds of my applications are thrown away on a weekly basis (I do about 15 applications a day most week days, and have been for multiple years now). The reasons for this are varied. Sometimes its because my name sounds too ethnic (I've had so many interviewers compliment me for not being Black which they thought based on my name). Sometimes they think I'm over qualified for every single job within 55 miles of me, as though having a college degree means I can photosynthesize instead of needing a home.

Often it's simply because companies lie all the time about whether they are actually hiring, posting dozens of fake job listings. That way they can tell their overworked and underpaid staff, "Oh, the reason you have 3 doubles a week is because of all those lazy unemployed assholes that don't want to work."

The fact that there is a "game" where the loser may become homeless or dead at all is deranged. The fact that the losing players all have to smile, and cheer, and cooingly tell the winners what a Good, Good Job they did is significantly more disgusting.

And let me be clear: the OP of that post is a hiring manager. That shit about "ratty clothes" is entirely under the hiring manager's opinion. There's no way to know what a given hiring manager thinks of your clothes, though if you're visibly poor, fat, or nonwhite chances are they would think you look unkempt in a full 3 piece suit with garters.

That shit about "show me you did independent unpaid labour to prove your loyalty to a company that isn't even hiring you yet" is ALSO under the manager's absolute judgment. You have NO way of knowing what stupid tidbits of information are the "right" ones to recite. You could memorize every piece of information that company has ever published and you STILL would not know which trivia is the Right Answer.

Same with the "ask me a question" shit.

There is no right answer. Interviews don't check for skills, abilities, experience, or even team cohesion.

They are vibe checks. They exist to give hiring managers a way to disqualify IMMENSELY qualified candidates over their own unexamined bigotries.

And btw? We have the science to prove it. It's called "implicit bias."

If you have an accent, are fat, aren't white, are visibly disabled or queer in any way, etc? Your inability to get a job is not because you "didn't play the game."

It's because the "game" was rigged to fuck you over from the start.

[docholligay]

House in Fata Morgana: The First Door--1603

I have never reviewed a visual novel before, but @iscahwynn made me a very generous offer and a long line of patience, knowing that we are trying something very new. To that end: Please don’t spoil me for the game at all! If you are reading this, I have only gotten through the part written above, and I don’t want to be corrected, even if I’m wrong, even if I’ve missed something, i don’t want to have anything confirmed or denied, and I don’t need any trigger warnings or extraneous explanation. Iscah would like my pure, naive experience of the game. Thank you!

Non-Spoilery: Holy shit, I don’t think I have consumed a visual novel with this kind of fervor. In fact, the only other visual novel I think of where I was like, ‘I have to keep reading what happens” was We Know the Devil, and while I would say that game whups on this one prose-wise (I can’t relate to a lot of what people love about WNTD, but holy shit was the prose some of the most beautiful game stuff I have ever read. I wished the whole time it was a short story or novella instead. Still do!) this one has a lot of plot driving through it and the writing is also very strong--I am used to a certain amount of ‘anime gotta anime��� writing styles, and there is none of that here. 

Spoilers below

I love a story that rewards patience. I could see some people saying that this moves too slowly, but I like to read a Meaty Tome, and so it doesn’t bother me to have to deal with a certain amount of setup, especially because I know this is a collection of short stories, sure, but it’s a collection of short stories taht are all driving at an ending. It might not even be fair to call them short stories so much as…episodes, maybe? I don’t know, they are connected but years apart. I guess i’m actually spitballing too much for having actually not played beyond chapter one. 

So i am 98.6% sure we are in England (please don’t tell me!) Given the references to the Thirty Years’ War, the Golden Age, and winter being a rainy season, all packed into one. Also Rhodes is a British name. I might be wrong but I would be surprised if I were. 

How do I organize this “progress reviewlet” or whatever I want to call it? Let’s just go with the flow.

Again, I love that this is unvoiced. It makes the game read so much more like a book to me, which makes me consume it voraciously, and also doesn’t take me out of the moment. Intensely aware that I am in the minority here, but when I’m reading something that I think probably takes place in late Elizabethan England, and I’m hearing Japanese, it takes me out of the immersion and it’s more like watching an anime, which is fine but doesn’t light up the same center of my brain, generally. Actually, the same would be true if it were English. I can’t mainline the story and let it play out in my mind the way it does when I read it. I read this like I do a visual novel, I barely pay attention to the art except in the “where is everyone standing” way, and that’s not even very helpful for this. So in reading it like a book, I feel like I saw Mell slap Nellie, I feel like I saw the light cross the White Haired Girl’s face as she failed to strangle Mell. It just makes the whole thing more immersive for me. 

Speaking of Nellie, what a wild ride that was. I mean, we knew something was going to be up with Nellie’s level of spoiled when we heard that they removed the thorns from the roses in the garden so she would never be pricked. In that moment, we learn something about the fact that Nellie doesn’t understand what consequences are, she never learns that the things we may want can hurt us. And so she keeps going for the exact things she wants, and she has no sense of danger or of the need for pragmatism, or anything beyond the desires and whims of a spoiled child. 

It truly says something about the quality of the writing that pretty much my most hated squick came up and all I could do was go, ‘Oh girl what happens next” and just kept clicking. I mean, the game very much tips its hand to it, it is not trying to shock you because that’s not the sort of game it is. It wants you to understand that this is who Nellie is and of course this is how she’s going to act. 

But for as monstrous as she is, you feel for her, or I do, when she says, not wrongly, that she was only ever, a “a doll for the family to play with” 

The idea of paintings being alive, of being changed as they are painted, that really stuck with me, and I know the painting was the small mystery within the bigger ones contained within the game, I can’t quite get anywhere with it, but I do agree that paintings have a quality of life to them. This is why it could be some future girl, it could be Nellie, it could be another person in another time. 

So witches. Let’s talk about this. I know that we have a lot of cross talk about the white haired girl, and if the white haired girl is the witch she takes herself to be or if she’s a hidden princess. And then we have the maid. These two are the unnamed characters within the story thus far, and I know they must be unnamed for a reason, but I didn’t really take the witch thing on its face until the rose turned in her hand. 

Oh, Doc, so you think there’s a real witch, and you think it’s the white haired girl? One, yes, I suppose I do and two, no, i suppose I don’t. Remember, the Maid is with her, and I’m also remembering the that the title of this game is The House at Fata Morgana, and I also know, being the one thing I know from the start being about fatas morgana, that they supposedly come from Morgan Le Fay, A WITCH. 

So, I’m wondering if the maid isn’t the witch, and if she isn’t creating all of this as an illusion, and IF she is creating all of this as an illusion, how much of it is the facts of that matter? Or the truth? Those are different things, but related. Is it all created of whole cloth? 

I mean, i feel like the game of the story has to clearly be about the White Haired girl and the Maid, I can look at a title card--OH SHIT AM I THE WHITE HAIRED GIRL?? (Please don’t tell me but do put a pin in it) that would make sense, we’re both the two unnamed characters, we’re on the title card. Hm. 

Is it better to know something, or to be happy? I mean, this is basically the core question and thesis of this segment, and it seems to lean heavily toward no. Everyone was happier not knowing, except, i do want to point out, Nellie. I’m not arguing she’d be happy knowing, she’s not, but I do want to say she would be UNHAPPY in either circumstance. 

I don’t agree with the maid that his error was his kindness. His kindness was not his fuckup. It was his desire, and his drive, that came outside of any thought of the family (especially rich considering how he lectures Nellie) to HAVE this girl who captured him in her own flame. She didn’t even mean to, like the candle means no harm to the moth. But kindness, no, kindness was not the issue. 

But I do love when she says that we have to follow the paths we’ve begun to trod down. He can’t change any of it, and so he has to go forward. 

In all, I liked this section, I have no idea how it will stack up against the others but I can see it laying building blocks for the future of the story. 

While being cautious of spoilers, please, if you have any questions, i’ll try to answer!

[xplrvibes]

part two. Ive decided to make comments as i watch big bulks so i don’t forget what i’m thinking.

1. the more sam and colby talk abt cody and satori… the more i believe them. like maybe im just a chameleon to opinion but they genuinely seem to believe in c&s and i wasn’t there, i haven’t experienced any of this so i think i’m back to ‘hey maybe it wasn’t all bs and this might be real’. I also firmly do not believe cody was cracking joints bc how? they felt it in the floor, heard it in the walls.. doesn’t make sense. also if the house ever goes up again they need to put an offer down. i get what sam was saying and it not being practical (properly value 300k but asking for 1.4m? that’s steep). it’d be a great investment tho.

2. with sam and colbys luck, one of them would get the most undeniable evidence of the paranormal (someone levitating, thrown a distance, possessed…) and people would still be like ‘fake!’ Lol Also gram (?) just mentioned a similar experiment to what we were discussing the other day! except he said take random people and not tell them which is haunted, we were saying put snc in a place and not tell them its haunted and then see what happens. they liked that idea so who knows… they might lol

3. i will always be so fascinated and proud of colby for how he handled and continues to be so transparent about his cancer journey. i say journey bc it will continue to be apart of his life for years to come, whether through medical appointments, anniversary anxieties, or just talking about it. mad props to him, mad props.

4. i just got a series of flashes in my mind of black and white photos of snc respectively announcing engagements to their partners and births of their children and it made me smile. one day, boys. one day that’ll be your future, your “purpose”.

done.

- aussie anon

always nice to listen to podcasts where everyone knows each other well, its less interviewy and more just a convo with friends caught on camera.

Also I hope their merch is still in stores next time i’m in the usa bc i would definitely grab a hoodie. just don’t wanna pay the insane conversion rate and shipping costs. i priced it, a hoodie + shipping works out to be $149aud. sorry boys… can’t do it 😂

1, I believe that they believe in Cody and Satori. I've never called snc's credibility into question with that whole mess, and it kind of annoys me that others do - not cause I think they are above reproach or something, but because people love to say "oh snc never bothered to even try to debunk these guys, so they must be in on it." Like, WHAT? They literally flew back across the country weeks later to try and debunk it cause they knew full well that there were a lot of ways out and around this. When the controversy started, they reached out to C&S and asked if they could run more tests and C&S said no. SNC, having done all of that, came out still believing them while also fully acknowledging that they could be faking - not much else they can do besides that right there, so why they are still coming under fire about it when C&S are the "frauds" is beyond me.

Literally, do y'all want them to kidnap these two people, tie them up, remove their shoes, and force them to do this barefoot? Do you want them to release this additional footage they have that C&S did not give them permission to release that they could probably get sued over (since releasing it would be done without consent) and possibly blacklisted from the entire paranormal community, just so reddit can have their fucking jollies? Like...?? Go after C&S and let snc continue to have their beliefs on the whole thing, since they did everything they felt they could to disprove this before making their decision on where they stood on the issue.

Sorry for the rant, that whole situation just annoys me.

As far as them almost buying the house - that made me laugh, cause we joked about the possibility of them doing that on here back when the house went up for sale. So knowing it almost happened is not only funny, but also explains some vague shit they said back in the day about possibly owning a haunted house lol.

2, You know, Sam's exuberant insistence that he wants to have some horrible thing happen to him so that he could have the experience and finally know for 100% that the paranormal is real is exactly the problem with Sam, and I've been calling that out for years. The fact that he can so casually say it out loud made me both feel vindicated and perturbed by him and his hubris (here's a good example of his hubris again lol).

But yea, I hope they take the idea and run with it!

3, I thought it was interesting to hear him be honest about the fact that this whole situation with the cancer is hitting him harder now than it did while he was in the thick of it. That is trauma. That is shock and adrenaline wearing off, and hindsight creeping in. I think it's important to be able to come out and say, "Yea, not all of this is a positive, and some of this will stick with you for years." Colby tries his damndest (to a fault sometimes) to always come across as a glass all the way full and overflowing kind of guy, or a stoic soldier who doesn't complain and keeps his head up, but then he's also very open about his emotional state, and vaguely alludes to his deep mental health struggles from time to time and I just think there's a well of really dark emotion buried deep, deep inside of him that would be healthier for him and everyone to let out every once in a while.

Anyway, that was a side tangent to the main point, which is that it is very impressive that he continues to put himself out there and speak so candidly about such a stigmatized topic.

Although, I don't think he grasps what the word "celibate" means, but he tried and that's what counts lol

4, I think it's high comedy that these two act like they've never given thought to their kids growing up together when they literally were just joking about this on xplrclub a few months ago. These two have brains like sieves lol.

Also, the looks on their faces when the host said "you should have girlfriends that are friends with each other" like yea, they are working on that right now, as a matter of fact.

And I think they'll be in Zumiez for a long time, so you should be good!!

[lastchancevillagegreen]

Monday, 26 June 2023:

Snap! The Jam (Polydor) (this reissue came out sometime between 2020-2021; the original album came out in 1983)

Last week I was on the Hoffman Boards and there was a thread concerning a sale over at The Sound of Vinyl in which they have roughly 175 albums on sale for the astonishing price of $0.00. Yes, these albums were free for the taking but you were expected to pay the shipping costs. The catch was you could only order one album at a time. The shipping costs varied (and made little sense): between $8 and $10 and change. It took my dense brain a period of time to comprehend this sale, but eventually I did and this album is the first of four albums I bought at the sale. (Believe me, I could have bought several things, but after awhile it just seemed greedy to keep buying things!) This album, being a double album plus a bonus 45 cost me all of $8.35 to buy. That was probably what I paid for it when I bought back in 1983! (And when I had this in my greedy little hands, I momentarily thought I might still have my original pressing, but alas, I traded it ages ago.)

There are some absolute great compilations in this world: Taking Liberties by Elvis Costello, The Kink Kronikles, Changesonebowie and you can add Snap to that list. I bought this, as I've indicated, in '83 when it came out. I knew zip about The Jam and a comp seemed a good way to learn when I was young and unable (or unwilling) to buy complete catalogs of bands as I seem to do these days. When this was offered for 'free' how could I refuse? Yes, I have all The Jam's albums today, but I never play them. Will I play Snap? Does it matter? It will be like it is back home in my collection, albeit a more updated version (or actually a repressing of the original UK pressing). I had a release date for this new reissue but I cannot find it anywhere on the internet now. This press isn't listed on discogs and The Sound of Vinyl simply says it is back in print after years of being out of print. The original US press did not have the bonus 45, nor did it have color inner sleeves (that are durable), nor do I recall it being a glossy cover. And the labels were straight up red Polydor labels.

Above you see the album cover. The second photo is the gatefold. And I have to discuss Paul Weller's choice of footwear in that photo on the right side of the gatefold. I surely would have poked fun in 1983 at the legendary fashion plate, Mr Sartorial Weller, wearing white socks and sandals. But today what really kills me is that he is doing so in a three piece suit. I do not care how cool his fashion sense is, this is easily one of the silliest choices of footwear a boy could ever wear with a cool three piece suit. Now, I will hope beyond hope that his actual footwear are those inside that little refrigerator but since we cannot see Rick Buckler's feet, they might be his shoes. Regardless, fussy Paul Weller surely shouldn't have allowed the photographer to stick him in such footwear with a three piece even for an otherwise cool photograph. I cannot stop looking at this photograph. The third photo is of the back of the album cover.

Below you will find the front and back of the first album's inner sleeve, followed by both sides of the record label (which are much cooler than they were in the US back in 1983).

The next set of photos shows the front and back of the inner sleeve for the second record, followed by both sides of the record label.

The original UK pressing contained a four track live EP with it complete with picture sleeve. You will find the front and back of that sleeve below, followed by both sides of the label.

As I've said, this is a fine compilation but this new reissue is high quality across the board. Perhaps it merely duplicates the original UK press, but I really think this quality elevates this already fine album.

[absolutely-xantastic]

I work in an academic library and sometimes the university stance (you must buy your textbooks) and the library stance (don’t pay for anything ever) are not in communication with each other, which can be very confusing. If you are in college PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go to your library!

Library staff (reference in particular) are literally there to help you find resources! Academic databases and websites do not function like google - there is not an underlying learning algorithm that can guess what you want. Academic research is not intuitive - it’s a SKILL that you can learn and library reference staff already have those skills and we WANT to help you get the resources and info you need. Many libraries offer some sort of an ask a librarian service - email and/or live chat (with a real person!) that you CAN and SHOULD use if you are having trouble accessing or finding resources. I PROMISE YOU - no one will laugh or shame you for not knowing how to navigate archaic academic resources. Library database and article access is a complicated beast and you’d be amazed at how many FACULTY don’t know how to properly use the library or are fully aware of what the library can get if you just ask. And the faculty often assume that students have a MUCH HIGHER baseline of what students know how to do with regards to research, and that knowledge gap is only getting bigger (looking at you AI) so PLEASE do not feel bad if you are struggling at research and do not be afraid to ASK FOR HELP.

Even if you think you checked the library website and can’t find access, ask someone. Milage will vary depending on the size of your school but there may be multiple ways to access a single article and odds are you aren’t going to know to check all of them but staff will. And if you truly don’t have access, ask about interlibrary loan. You can request articles as well as physical materials and often those request get filled quickly and at no extra cost to you.

Also - if your professor is requesting specific books for class, ask them about putting a copy on course reserve. A lot of folks don’t know about reserves (faculty included) but academic libraries will put copies of course texts on course reserve, meaning that those books are specifically on hold for use by a class at the instructors request. Reserves often cannot be checked out for very long (ie a few hours) but that is by design - so that if folks for whatever reason cannot get access to a book on their own, there is a library copy that should be more available to them. It’s not a perfect system, and there may be a fight to get the one copy but it’s an attempt to make course materials more equitably accessible (rather than having one library copy of a required text that someone checks out and hogs for the whole semester).

TL;DR - I work in an academic library and staff WANT TO HELP YOU FIND RESOURCES. People don’t know the true extent of how libraries (particularly academic ones) will go above and beyond to ensure you have access to things you need. Dont get discouraged if you can’t access things, no one expects you to know how to do it so ALWAYS ALWAYS ask library staff. I promise we want to help you. It’s literally what we’re here for.

(Not to mention that using library services is the most effective way to ensure that the library can keep providing access and services - we rely a lot on usage statistics so the more you ask for help, the better we can be at actually helping)

Beware!

[deborahdeshoftim5779]

My views do not often align with this newspaper, but on this issue we very much agree.

However, even The Sutton Trust's solutions will not address the long-term problem of poor and working-class Britons being shut out of a creative education. Nor is the fact that music education is expensive make it unfair and "elitist". Nor is there anything wrong with privately-educated pupils achieving top places at music schools, either.

The fact is that our state education system is a disaster, and the rot accelerated once we destroyed almost all of our grammar and direct grant schools from the 1960's onwards. Detractors will criticise the grammar school system all day long, and I accept some of those criticisms, but there's simply no way to argue that today's state school system is as academically rigorous as before.

Furthermore, the grammar and direct grant schools offered a route to a quality academic education regardless of ability to pay. The only criteria was passing an examination. The same Sutton Trust admits that in the mid-1960's over half of such pupils were from working-class backgrounds.

British journalist Peter Hitchens listed a number of such grammar school products in his book, A Revolution Betrayed (2022), and it's important to note that many such Britons, who went on to great things, did not come from wealth.

So we have the destruction of grammar and direct grant schools as the major factor which papers like the Guardian will not mention, since they are ideologically aligned against selection according to academic merit. That's up to them.

Another major factor is the devaluation of the arts as a whole, which is entirely deliberate. I was thinking with great bitterness about how biotech companies can command millions in grant funding, whereas it would surely cost less to properly fund music lessons nationwide. Why should promising musicians have to beg for grants? I particularly resent the whole charade of proving you are poor enough to deserve the opportunity. Everyone who shows musical promise should have access to funding, regardless of family income, because all music study, from kindergarten to at least age 16, should be properly funded and, where possible, mandatory.

We have a grotesque over-emphasis on mathematics and science in our country. This runs contrary to previous centuries, where music was considered as essential as either of the above. The mere fact that the Pythagorean school's calculations elucidated the fundamental basis of playing stringed instruments (that depressing a string halfway will yield a note that is an octave higher than the open string, among other theories), demonstrates this. After all, the Pythagorean school is more famous for algebra. The medieval French poet Eustace Deschamps named music as one of the essential fields of knowledge in his L'Art de Dictier.

The over-emphasis on mathematics and science has depressed creativity and imagination. It has elevated logic and targets to an unhealthy degree, to the point that simple pleasures have to be subjected to academic analysis. For example, one cannot just read. One has to count the number of books read, the number of pages per day, the type of book, and so on. One has to justify reading on mental health and intellectual grounds. The idea that there doesn't have to be any justification for reading beyond mere enjoyment seems to be rare.

People are becoming less imaginative. Most people do not read novels. To my fury, I've heard novels dismissed as a waste of time. Many people say they simply haven't the time for fiction-- yet everywhere I go, I see people glued to their smartphones. The idea that novels in particular (along with plays and poetry) encourage imagination, which is a necessary quality in the civilised man, doesn't seem to be trumpeted anywhere near as loudly as the need to get good grades, the need to find a steady job, the need to climb the career ladder.

I remember watching one video where the presenter advocated reading history. Numerous commenters insisted that they never read history, some even claiming that history was not sufficiently "exact", thereby making it inferior to science.

The irony is that scientists from centuries past would not have thought that way. Scientists from centuries past valued literature, music, and art. The grotesque divison between the arts and the sciences is a modern invention, and a fateful one. It has produced narrow-minded people who cannot think beyond strictly logical categories. As a result, the perceived value of music has declined among the general population, including those who have degrees, and so ought to know better.

This division flies in the face of that very same science, which supports the value of the arts. The artist, after all, uses mathematics in order to produce realistic drawings. The Golden Ratio is nothing but mathematics, yet it produces art. Perspective includes mathematics. Have people forgotten that one of the greatest artists in history, Leonardo da Vinci, was also in effect an extraordinary anatomist and proto-engineer, whose ideas were centuries ahead of his time?

I could also mention the manifold connections between music, physics and biology. None other than the legendary physicist, Albert Einstein, famously said that he dreamt in music. This same Einstein, valued imagination over knowledge. Einstein was a keen violinist and enjoyed listening to classical music.

All this disjointed rambling to say that the problem is more than just a socioeconomic divide. This article makes no mention of the equally troubling fact that middle-class pupils in state schools are also lacking in music education. Yet they have more money at their disposal. The problem lies in the dramatic decline of our once revered education system (Peter Hitchens repeatedly notes that Americans used to poach our graduates, such was the level of their education), and the decline of our once revered culture. The Guardian won't like those two conclusions, because it challenges aspects of its ideology that I argue helped cause these problems.

Be that as it may, the paper has done a respectable job in drawing attention to the defunding of the arts and demanding change. So I must once again agree with and applaud it.

[autolenaphilia]

This is relevant again, with the Internet Archive losing their appeal.

I should explain that this problem with e-book prices for libraries is possible because publishers legally aren't selling e-books. Instead, like most corporations who sell software and digital files, they claim to only be selling licenses to read and use the e-books. And the costly e-book sales to libraries are for special licenses that allow the libraries to lend the books.

Again this is true for everything digital that is sold. The reason is so when you buy software, an e-book, a video game etc, you own nothing, you have no rights of personal property. There are almost no consumer rights. US law is actually crystal-clear on this, although European law might be more complicated. This is why publishers can control books and video games you bought with DRM, why they can break a game you paid for with said drm so no one can ever play it again, or take back copies of movies and books you bought when the service goes out of business. You just bought a license, you own nothing.

With physical goods, even those containing copyrighted or trademarked content, like a book, for example, you do have ownership rights of that physical copy. The doctrine of first-sale applies. So when you buy a physical book, you can't copy the contents of that book, but you can freely sell it, give it away or lend it, as libraries do. Publishers can't control the sale or lending of physical books much, beyond the first sale.

But with e-books, they just special library lending licenses that are super-expensive and either expire after a set number of loans or a certain amount of time (neither of which are particularly high).

What the Internet archive is doing is using Controlled Digital Lending (CDL) which basically sidesteps the need to buy these e-books licenses and instead lends digital scans of physical copies under controlled conditions.

Now I don't think the legal argument for CDL is necessarily solid. The law is probably slanted towards publishers in this case.

But CDL is currently the only legalish way libraries can offer e-books that are not explicitly priced to limit or destroy their ability to offer e-books to users. Again, this is not a conspiracy theory, the ceo of Macmillan went on NPR's All Things Considered and said exactly that, as shown in the link above.

CDL is currently the best avenue for libraries to escape this vampire kiss of e-book license fees. And the recent court judgement against Internet Archive kinda put an end to that. Even if you don't consider the Internet Archive an actual library for some pedantic reason, this judgement will hurt libraries in general and have made things worse for them.

The situation with e-book library licenses is really part of a larger problem that we don't actually own the things we pay for. This means things customers have paid real money for are just taken away. This has happened to e-books, movies and games. It's bad for the ordinary customer who now pay more money for having less control over what they buy and lose access to what they buy. It shifts powers to big corporations away from the customers. And it's bad for media preservation, since that is often dependent on people and institutions like archives and libraries being able to preserve copies of media they buy.

As a former librarian, the whole "don't pirate books, you are taking money authors need to feed their starving children, just borrow from the library instead :) " makes me angry.

Because e-book prices for libraries are insanely high. Like I've heard the jokey meme about how "if libraries were proposed today, they would be condemned as some socialist infringing on intellectual property rights."

Well, the rights for libraries to lend out paper books were negotiated almost a century ago in most western countries, while the rights for libraries to lend out e-books and digital audiobooks were negotiated during the present neoliberal era where corporations are very powerful. And It fucking shows.

The prices for libraries to buy e-books are insane, and that's not even counting the circulation fees. And the books are frequently restricted by licensing to a certain small number of loans per book, after which the e-book is destroyed and the library has to buy a new one to the exorbitant prices the publishers give.

Like the advice about how piracy is some great evil cutting into author's profits and how you should just borrow from libraries instead is so infuriating in that context. Like listen to actual librarians talk about e-book pricing for libraries. It's a major drain on library funds, and in the era of neoliberalism and austerity those budgets are strained as it is. And libraries inability in the face of these costs to provide digital content is used as justification for further cuts.

Librarians have boycotted major publishers over their ridiculous e-book policies and have talked about how ridiculous prices are for years, and for good reason.

This is fucking corporate robbery of library funding, of tax payers money to further their own private profits. Any moralistic bullshit about the evils of book piracy should be put in that context. If the ordinary person is stealing the publishers precious book sales profits, those publishers are already robbing that person's tax dollars.

It's a fucking hypocrisy to justify the present system of copyright and intellectual property with "well, if you are poor it's still wrong to pirate because you can get books for free legally from libraries". Because book publishers are already using their strong intellectual property rights to bleed libraries dry of funds, killing them in the process like the fucking vampires they are.

[writingwithrosess]

Glimpses

As we look back on the past year, it's easy to get caught up in the tough moments. We often think these challenges define us and shape who we're becoming. But maybe it's not just the difficulties themselves that shape us; perhaps it's more about how we handle and bounce back from them that truly makes us stronger.

Tonight, as I thought about the events of 2023, I realized it played out like an unwritten poem, with unexpected twists and turns. Plans didn't always work out the way I hoped, and that's true for many of us. Acknowledging these bumps in the road can make us feel a bit helpless, but there's another truth hidden in there—one we discover when we rise above the struggles.

Think back to the lowest point of your year, whether it was at the beginning or more recently. Remember how you felt during that tough time and what from that experience still affects you. Now, let's talk about "glimpses"—those brief moments that unexpectedly come our way. Picture a dark room with curtains drawn tightly. Sometimes, those curtains part, just for a moment, and we catch a glimpse of the outside world, the one we're actually living in.

We often get so caught up in the dark room, reflecting our current situations (which are definitely real), that we miss those glimpses—the little blessings of light all around us. These glimpses are like the grace notes in the music of our lives. A small act of kindness, a shared smile, or the strength we discover in ourselves during tough times—they're the positive moments mixed in with the challenges.

So, as we think about the challenges we faced, let's also pay attention to the moments of resilience and gratitude. By recognizing both the shadows and the light, we can navigate life with a deeper appreciation for the mix of experiences that shape our journey. Let these reflections not only celebrate overcoming difficulties but also acknowledge the bright moments that guide us forward. I hope these thoughts bring comfort to those feeling weighed down by despair and inspire those seeking meaning to discover a source of enduring light beyond the temporary shadows—guided by the unwavering grace that weaves the story of our shared humanity.

Psalms 88 A Cry of Desperation 1 Lord, God of my salvation, I cry out before You day and night. 2 May my prayer reach Your presence; listen to my cry. 3 For I have had enough troubles, and my life is near Sheol. 4 I am counted among those going down to the Pit. I am like a man without strength, 5 abandoned among the dead. I am like the slain lying in the grave, whom You no longer remember, and who are cut off from Your care. 6 You have put me in the lowest part of the Pit, in the darkest places, in the depths. 7 Your wrath weighs heavily on me; You have overwhelmed me with all Your waves. Selah 8 You have distanced my friends from me; You have made me repulsive to them. I am shut in and cannot go out. 9 My eyes are worn out from crying. Lord, I cry out to You all day long; I spread out my hands to You. 10 Do You work wonders for the dead? Do departed spirits rise up to praise You? Selah 11 Will Your faithful love be declared in the grave, Your faithfulness in Abaddon? 12 Will Your wonders be known in the darkness, or Your righteousness in the land of oblivion? 13 But I call to You for help, Lord; in the morning my prayer meets You. 14 Lord, why do You reject me? Why do You hide Your face from me? 15 From my youth, I have been afflicted and near death. I suffer Your horrors; I am desperate. 16 Your wrath sweeps over me; Your terrors destroy me. 17 They surround me like water all day long; they close in on me from every side. 18 You have distanced loved one and neighbor from me; darkness is my [only] friend.

Psalm 88, often overlooked, offers an honest account of human struggle. Its verses echo the universal experience of facing darkness, providing solace beyond religious boundaries.

In this candid expression of inner turmoil, the psalmist doesn't follow a conventional narrative of redemption. Rather, it vividly portrays the isolation that often accompanies life's challenges.

Reflecting on Psalm 88 alongside our experiences from the past year, it becomes a companion to our stories of struggle and resilience. It invites us to embrace the authenticity of our challenges as part of the shared human experience.

Despite the darkness depicted, the psalm doesn't discard hope. It encourages us to acknowledge the universal reality of navigating through tough times and find resilience in unexpected moments of grace.

In the interplay of Psalm 88 and our reflections on the past year, we discover a narrative celebrating our shared humanity and strength. It becomes a bridge connecting the depth of our struggles to the light of our collective resilience, offering solace in the symphony of grace and redemption.

[trace-of-a-song]

Your Project Doesn't Need Original Music - But It Might Make Things Better

My spicy take for the weekend - brought to you by wandering down a thorny path where people's choices for production costs for AD were put under a really strange funhouse microscope, is this. Yes, you can use premade, royalty-free, or low-cost licensed music for your game/film/show/project. You absolutely can. It might suit your needs perfectly. It can definitely cut costs when you're figuring out your project budget. There are people out there putting great music into the world Just for folks to use in exactly this way. No shame, no side-eye. Important disclaimer: I'm a composer. I do this for part of my living. I've been doing it for a while, and at some point in the near future when I have the time to figure out how I want to do it, I'll be putting some of that music into the world too. I like to think I do it pretty well. All of that said, here's what a composer can do that the above solution can't. - Tailor the music to your project's timing precisely. (Depending on the license you may or may not be able to edit the premade "trax"you're using. - Make it so the music fills in exactly where the mood shifts. - Evolve with the show, the scene, the moment. - Take feedback and make changes based on that. - Become an active part of your storytelling. - Be inspired by your project (and maybe do a bit of inspiring back) - Add a collaborative partner to your team.

That last one is probably the most important, and in a way it sums up the rest. When you bring a composer onto your project, whether it's for score, a theme song, one episode, or a 6 season epoch, you're adding to your team. Even as a one-off hired gun, a bit of their heart, spirit, energy, caring, passion, and interest is in your project. You gain another voice to bounce things off of, another pair of ears on the mix, a cheerleader, a co-conspirator.

Music that is made for your story is different than music that happens to fit. It just is. It breathes along with your scenes. It's a custom suit vs the closest fit you can find off the rack.

Does that mean it's expensive? Well, not necessarily but it's often more expensive than free!

It takes me 2 hours on average for a minute of custom music (I've recently started timing it because as I move more of my income to freelancing, planning is a thing). That's time spent planning, composing, editing, timing things to the scene, tweaking volume, polishing, and sending it wherever it needs to go. The most recent project I'm wrapping up has just shy of 17 minutes of music in it. An average TPNAN episode has 12. If I charged something like $20 an hour for my work, which is a number tossed around as a living wage a lot, I'd be making almost $500 an episode for TPNAN. That's not taking into account that creating music is a specialized field and that maybe that expertise and practice time means it's worth more than $20/hr. Let's just say... I'm not charging $500. (To be transparent, TPNAN is half my baby so I'm charging $0, but it's an example I know really well so I used it.) My point here is that many composers, myself included, will work for less than that. We'll do it for projects we love, people we respect and want to support, stories we care about. We'll do it when and because we can afford to spend the time, because we're supporting ourselves in other ways, or because we don't mind sticking 7 or 8 wicks in a candle just to see what happens. If you're a project with a tiny budget and want custom music, talk to some composers and I am beyond certain you'll find someone who wants to work on it with you and will work with what you can offer them. Yes, that includes "I can't offer you any money but I can trade you this skill I have" or "None of us are making money on this but would you be part of telling this really cool story with us?" I'll get into when people CAN afford to pay "fairly" another time. It would muddy the waters too much today. What I'm saying is, if you want to add a composer to your team, you can. And your project might well be better for it. And there is no shame in carving out a little of the budget you have whatever size it is for something that will make your project better. Graphic design, a good director, custom music, all of the things. You get to decide what counts as necessary to tell the story you want to tell, and what's extra. Rant over. Back to making pretty math noises!

[sesmantelar]

I cried at work today. I feel like being a nurse is trying to put out little fires everywhere and it's not worth it anymore for me. I just signed my next contract, in which I will hit my year as a psych nurse, plus 18 months of behavioral health and after this next contract, I will have completed my scholarship service AKA the world will finally be in my favor. by working hard these next few months, I will be able to come out way more financially stable. student loan payments start soon after I return from my trip to Switzerland so I need to be prepared. I also will be starting school of October 1st so I need to worry about the tuition being handled as well. so many things to pay for.

on a different note, I don't think my anxiety meds are working anymore (i'm using the generic version and I feel horrible). once these are done, hopefully I will be in a better place financially and can switch back to the brand from Hers.

I've decided that I'm done going above and beyond at my job and that it is not worth it. at first it was a defense mechanism - I have worked so extremely hard and cried so many times during this horrible succession of events that has led me to where I am now. this twisted thing that we call life is not for someone like me. if death didn't hurt, I would kill myself right now. I always had to do well because I subconsciously am scared that everything I have worked hard for has been for nothing and that it can all be lost if I mess up. maybe this was good, or maybe this was bad. all I know is that I am so done. I literally do not care anymore and the last thing I want is for a job to continuously make me miserable. that is not the way I'm supposed to live my life.

I offered to stay for a double today - I need the money and it will be really good to get some dedicated art time. I have two client pieces that I want completed this week so I can get paid and drop it in my art savings account. before I leave will also be beneficial to me relaxing more and truly enjoying my vacation and engrossing myself in what could be the culture that I immigrate into. I pray for better days and that those better days come very soon.

[nbmsports]

My Salary Is Too High. Is It Wrong to Stay in My Job?

Less than a year ago, I switched from a job at a nonprofit whose mission I was deeply passionate about to a more senior role at a nonprofit in a different sector. I was very underpaid previously and nearly doubled my salary in this new role. Because this role is outside my field of expertise, however, my job satisfaction is not nearly as high as it was in my previous job.What worries me is that my salary is about 20 to 30 percent higher than comparable jobs at similar organizations. Though my employers hired me for my years of experience, it’s now clear to me that the job doesn’t actually require my level of experience. This nonprofit could easily pay a significantly less experienced person significantly less money to do exactly what I do.This leads me to the part I am culpable in: I do not need to work 40 hours a week to do my job well, and I don’t. I meet every deadline, attend every meeting, reach every goal, but I also take long breaks and sign off early. In previous jobs, my passion for the field made me take on extra tasks and work extra hours. But because I don’t feel the same about this job, I do not go above and beyond.Am I doing wrong by using up extra resources at a job where I am not willing to go above and beyond? Should I tell them they created an incorrectly scaled position? I have been applying to other jobs, but it’s a competitive field; it may take some time to start something new, and I can’t afford not to have an income. — Name WithheldFrom the Ethicist:It’s a decent impulse to think about whether you’re providing your employers with the best value for their money. But let’s put the issues you raise in perspective.First, your job apparently makes a meaningful contribution to the work of a worthwhile organization. You’re not marketing Marlboros; your organization has a mission that, though it isn’t close to your heart, represents a social good.Second, you’re doing your job well. It doesn’t take you 40 hours a week to do so, but that must be true of lots of people. Nor do you seem to be misrepresenting how you spend your time to management.Third, salaries for occupations are distributed around an average, and it’s customary for those with more experience to be paid more. If we replaced people simply because their salaries were higher than the average, those annual raises that organizations routinely disperse would automatically result in the dismissal of longtime employees. (In which case employees would respond in kind, jumping ship whenever a more lucrative offer came along.) Because of the way we pay people, a fair income is a fair income over time; the right comparison is not simply with people in your job but with people at your career stage. And of course, at nonprofit institutions as elsewhere, salary schedules are designed to attract and retain people with the relevant skills.The real problem is that you’re not as excited by this job as you were by your previous one. So a big question is whether you could reconfigure your work to make it more rewarding — both to you and to the organization. You think your employers would be better off hiring someone else to do what you’re doing for less money. That’s true only if you take the job’s remit as fixed. One way to contribute to an organization is to shape your job around your talents. Good managers know this.

Readers Respond

The previous column’s question was from a reader who, as a teenager, had a summer fling with a woman who went onto become a famous singer. This happened before his marriage, and for decades he has never told his wife about it. He wrote: “I am in the habit of playing this artist’s music, in part because of the personal connection and memories it evokes. Not long ago, my wife remarked that I am a ‘big fan.’ I smiled, nodded and changed the subject. My fear is that sharing this connection with my wife would jeopardize my continued enjoyment of this artist’s body of work. No jealousy, I’m sure, just gentle ribbing I could do without. An ethical omission?”In his response, the Ethicist noted: “So for decades of married life, you never mentioned your summer with — well, readers can fill in their fave from the category of famous female pop singers who emerged in the mid-1980s. This is surprising. And yet the liaison doesn’t have the kind of inherent significance that would make its disclosure obligatory. Every couple develop a cultural microclimate — their own set of expectations, conventions, values. Whether your failure to mention this relationship is ethically troubling depends on the norms of your microclimate.” (Reread the full question and answer here.)⬥Acknowledging the “microclimate” of individual relationships is spot on. I, too, was involved with someone who later attained high visibility. Because of my field, I could simply share with my spouse: “I worked with her years ago. We actually dated for a summer. A good person!” For us, it’s never been an issue. What came before we met is considered just that. — Steve⬥There is little to be gained by revealing this long-ago affair, and much to be lost. Though the writer is sure that his wife will be amused and not upset, he can’t know that for certain. By revealing the affair decades after the fact, he risks upsetting her greatly. And to what purpose? — Stan⬥Both the Ethicist and the letter writer seem to have overlooked one possible outcome. Maybe the wife would not be jealous or tease him, but she might feel that for the past three decades, her husband has been thinking about another woman every time he plays this artist’s music, even when he does so in her presence. Don’t you think that could be very hurtful? — Raili⬥Does anybody else know about your fling? If I were your wife, my first reaction would be: How in the world has this never come up before? Tell her if you are indeed confident that she will be amused, but make sure you have a point of view on whether she can share the story with anyone else in your circle. — Margaret⬥In a moment of open communication, the letter writer should tell his wife that for years he never revealed to her that as a teenager he had a fling with someone now famous. Make it a guessing game for as long as it takes (a few days?), and when the singer is revealed, hopefully the wife will go: “Aha! That’s why you played so much of her music!” — Bob Source link Read the full article