#so today i broke down and fully cried over realizing the reality that i probably won't be able to go see Taylor on this tour

[sheerioswifties]

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[icequeenbae]

Stay with Me (m) | BBH

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader

Long-distance relationship, established relationship, grumpy Baek, smut

Warnings: explicit content, unprotected sex, upset sex (is there such a thing), oral (f receiving), consent is not explicitly stated but implied

Word Count: ~2.6k

Summary: Baekhyun was upset because you had to leave again. His frustration made things escalate to an unexpected extent. He might’ve just wanted to make you late for the plane though.

© Please do not copy/ post on other platforms without permission.

Let’s celebrate my first ‘writing comeback’ anniversary together ❤❤❤  [February 17, 2020 – forever]

Author’s Note: Soooo… This was actually the first fic I wrote after many years of my writer’s coma. Wasn’t going to post it, but it’s important to save the date. A year ago during a business trip I was listening to Baekhyun’s ‘Stay Up’ in the backseat of a cab, and it suddenly got to me in a very new and profound way. As soon as I got to the hotel, the doc was created. Countless sleepless nights later, I can admit that I haven’t really stopped writing ever since.

Baekhyun isn’t just my bias or my favourite character to write, he’s so much more special to me than that. I’m not sure how long this journey is going to last or where it leads me, but so far he’s gifted me with one full year of this magic. He’ll always have a precious spot in my heart 🤍

Okay, done with the sappy times now (no). As usual – big thanks to @baekshoney​​​ for having a look, and I hope you guys enjoy this little oneshot!

This was one of those days. One of the days you hated, and Baekhyun didn’t do much to make it better for you. On the contrary, he was sulking since early morning. First, because you’d left him alone in bed and he woke up being cold. Then he just kept getting annoyed with everything. Why were you having coffee for breakfast again, when you should sleep on the plane? Why weren’t you packing snacks, when the airport food always made your stomach upset? You should’ve definitely worn one of his hoodies, since none of yours were warm and comfy enough, did he have to remind you?

Yes, this was the day you had to fly back home, leaving him behind once again. Which was exactly what brought his tsundere ways to the surface. He was just… upset.

‘Baby, it’s not the first time I’m going home, I’ll be fine,’ you grinned at his grumpy expression and poured him a cup of coffee as soon as he sat his butt down on the kitchen stool.

Baekhyun wasn’t exactly subtle in how he felt about you going away. The two of you had been doing this ‘long-distance thing’ since the very beginning of your relationship. You’d met during your first ever trip to Korea around two years ago and instantly clicked – just like that – not spending a single day without at least a quick message exchange with one another.

It was tough at times. There was no way for you to see each other more frequently, and you were often apart for months. Granted, you were keeping in touch religiously – texting every single day, having video calls every other night (whenever you could manage the schedules and time zones), posting ambiguous pictures on social media only for each other to understand. Still, you missed each other so terribly…

‘I don’t understand why you have to go anyway, you can just stay here with me,’ Baekhyun grumbled, eyeing the kitchen floor with a frown. You pursed your lips to contain the coo about to fly out of your mouth at how cute he was, pouting and complaining. Like an angry little bird. Before you could stop yourself, you reached out your hand and ruffled his already messy bedroom hair.

The way his nose scrunched up meant he wasn't in the mood to be playful. You sighed and leaned on the corner of the kitchen table.

‘You know I have work to get back to, Bae, I can’t be on vacation all year long.’

He was being rather childish about your departure, especially when you were already fully dressed and ready to go. The only thing stalling you was that Chanyeol, who insisted on being your ride to the airport today, hadn’t come to pick you up just yet, giving you some time to smooth over your boyfriend’s feathers.

Truth be told, you were only holding up the appearances for him. It was very possible that you were even more upset about having to go than he was. In fact, every time your week or two together were nearing an end, you felt nauseous at the thought that you wouldn’t be able to see his face, or hold his hand, or feel his warm breath on your skin, or kiss the tiny mole on his cheek.

In all honesty, you were... a mess. You only displayed yourself as calm and collected during your goodbyes because you knew his moodiness was merely a tactic to conceal his pain. So, you tucked your own feelings away to make it a bit more manageable for him. In reality, you broke down as soon as you arrived home and walked into your lifeless apartment. Each time, you had to find excuses and avoid talking to him via video messengers during those initial weeks, pretending to suddenly be swamped at work. You realized that seeing your eyes all red and puffy from crying every night would most definitely break his heart and worsen his longing. That you knew, because seeing him unhappy was excruciating. You wanted more than anything to deliver him from any further suffering.

It took all of your self-restraint not to reach out for his warm embrace or let the tears flow freely. He’d probably not let you go then, always telling you to just stay with him anyways. But you were both adults and had commitments, although hundreds and thousands of miles apart.

As your eyes were beginning to prick from observing his state and getting overwhelmed with your own feelings, you decided it was safer to move out ten minutes early, despite the call from Yeol not coming through yet. Anything to not let Baekhyun see you cry or cling to him desperately the way you wished to in that moment.

‘Well, you can pout all you want, I’m going to get my stuff,’ you said in an airy tone trying to elevate his mood slightly.

‘No.’

He stopped you in your tracks, grabbing your wrist. You gazed at him, confused as to what he meant. He was still looking down, eyebrows knitted together and chest heaving with almost anxious breaths.

‘Bae?’

‘No,’ he repeated, softer this time, but still not making eye contact with you. Instead, he tugged at your wrist and pulled you closer to him. You felt his grasp weaken until your wrist was free, however, your waist was not. His arms snaked around it, and he pulled you into himself, basically nuzzling his face into your chest.

‘Baekhyun?’ You squeaked, doing your best to fight off the goosebumps that littered your skin immediately after the contact. Your body never once asked for permission to react to him, and this time was no exception. His right hand traveled down your spine to the curve of your ass as his nose nudged one of your breasts. You shivered, grabbing at his shoulders, and he suddenly growled, knowing, sensing that your nipples had already perked up underneath the fabric of your bra.

Although he was trying to put you into one of his many oversized hoodies all the time, it was summer, so you were wearing a sundress (like any sane person would). Lucky for Baekhyun, this type of clothing made it even easier for him.

He rose from his seat and hoisted you up so abruptly that you only managed to yelp and grab at his neck for balance. You were then placed on the empty side of the dining table away from the leftover breakfast. Looking down at where your boyfriend’s hands were, you watched him frantically pull your dress up, before coming to your senses and trying to stop him.

‘Bae… What are you doing? Yeol is gonna be here any minute, we can’t just f…ugh!’ You cried out in surprise as he yanked your hips forcefully up to his face, completely ignoring your words. There’s no way he was going to...

‘Baekhyunie, please stop, you know I’m going to be late, what is…’ He didn’t even let you finish your rant, leaving a trail of insistent wet kisses upon the sensitive skin along the panty line while leading up to your protruding hip bone. Breath caught up in your throat, you couldn’t get the rest of the sentence out even if you wanted to. Did you really want to? With his head right there between your thighs, his dark burning eyes looking at you – completely immobilized by him – in the most intense and intimate way possible. His lips were glistening after he ran his tongue over them habitually, and when he leaned in and licked at your still clothed center, you belatedly realized that you weren’t even breathing. The realization only came with the wheezing gasp you’d let out, when your legs wrapped around his head as if on cue. Like fuel to the fire, your responsiveness only spurred him on. You didn’t even have time to realize that your boyfriend had already moved your panties out of the way when his impatient lips were on you again.

‘B- Baekhyun…’ You muttered, reaching your hand down to give pushing his head away a feeble try. ‘We can’t do this now, please stop... the airport…’

His ears seemed deaf to your reluctant pleas as he only employed more of his tongue to make you lose the last bits of your sober mind completely, melting and thrashing underneath his touch. He eased one of your thighs off of his shoulder, pushing it up and spreading you out before diving back in, paying no attention to your increasingly disheveled state.

At this point you could only sob, speech incoherent, all attempts to push him away or close your legs futile. And that alone made him grow feverish with the need to be inside you, to feel you once again before he had to let you go.

He was really good with his mouth, as usual, so by the time one of his hands left your thigh to tease you a little further with his long deft fingers you were so ready to take more that you barely registered the burn of two digits sliding inside. You were still a little sore from the night before, which you’d spent making love for hours on end, knowing that you won’t be touching each other anytime soon. But that was meaningless now.

His tongue expertly swirled around your clit, while his wrist found a familiar angle that always made you get vocal. Your back arched instantly as you cried out his name, barely grasping that you were still tugging at his soft locks and possibly causing discomfort. It was clear that your release was mere seconds away with your legs shaking and inner muscles clenching, and that was exactly where Baekhyun wanted you. Aching for his touch, needing him as much as he needed you. Just the two of you, caught up in the act of lustful desperation.

He’d worked his tongue diligently, almost pushing you over the edge by sucking on your most sensitive spot for just a second, and... then you suddenly felt him pull away.

‘No, no- what?’ You could barely form sentences, let alone complain, but your frenzied tone made his already rock-hard flesh twitch. His pants were down in seconds, and there wasn’t even a thought of pausing to get a condom on or cool off a little bit. You were both on the verge of getting overwhelmed by this passionate longing when... your phone suddenly lit up, indicating an incoming call. Before you could snap out of the moment you were having, Baekhyun had you flat on your back, all slick and ready for him to push inside. And that he did — in one quick and rough movement, filling you up and giving you no time to even make a sound before his hips tested you out with a couple of low amplitude thrusts. The table moved slightly, soft clanking of tableware falling on deaf ears. Meanwhile, Baekhyun grabbed onto your hips, lifting your ass in the air for more control over the penetration.

‘Baek, I swear… You have like 2 minutes before Chan-’ A vicious thrust reached further than before, definitely getting your friend’s name out of your mind for good. And anything else for that matter.

Baekhyun snapped his hips as if he wanted to get as deep as humanly possible, as if he wanted to literally ruin you, and you could only scratch at his forearm while losing yourself in the feeling of his hips colliding with yours and the delectable sounds the action produced.

‘Baby,’ Baekhyun suddenly breathed out hoarsely, eyebrows knitted together as if in pain, ‘I can’t hold it off-’

Hearing his voice so strenuous and somehow vulnerable, you threw your head back and closed your eyes, spreading your legs further apart to allow him to better angle his powerful thrusts.

Your limbs were starting to grow numb and the veins on your neck popped when you moaned, and that’s when Baekhyun let out a strained ‘ah’, holding you in place by the hips to give you his erratic final thrusts.

In that moment you felt like something snapped inside you. Your core was tight around your lover’s cock, your body shaking in pre-orgasmic bliss, and you’d never experienced it this way. You felt so full and content in this moment when he was still moving his hips and groaning stiffly above you, riding out his high. There was nothing else he needed to do to take you along. The sensation of his warmth inside you made you pulsate, wailing so loudly that Baekhyun had to cover your mouth with his palm. He kept going for a bit to prolong your orgasm and let you slowly come back to your senses.

Your eyes stared vacantly at the kitchen ceiling and your throat was dry, although Baekhyun’s hand was still clasped over your mouth. When both of you managed to catch your breath, you just gazed at each other for a few long moments. You were so spent that you couldn’t even read the semi-blank expression on his face. He slowly slipped his palm off of your face, still hovering over your body.

‘Baekhyunie…’ You murmured, touching his cheek gently. He was usually lowkey annoyed whenever you went on to kiss the little mole on his face instead of his lips. This time, however, he only lowered his head further to let you do your thing. You pressed your lips to the tiny dot on his skin, leaning back onto the table to find his eyes with your own.

‘I love you,’ he suddenly whispered in a broken voice, then cleared his throat and started over. ‘I really want you to stay with me.’

It was… bittersweet.

You winced, feeling him pull out, and accepted his help sitting up. Holding your boyfriend close by the shirt, you nudged his nose with yours and looked up to his sad dejected eyes.

‘I know, Bae,’ your voice sounded as uplifting as you could manage. ‘I will find a way to come see you on tour in the next couple of months, I promise.’

Baekhyun was about to say something else if not for the sudden ring of his phone that made both of you snap out of your tiny little world.

‘Dang, I bet it’s Yeol. Pick up!’ You pushed your boyfriend towards the phone and eased down from the table, grabbing the tissues to clean up quickly.

‘Yes,’ Baekhyun responded.

‘Are you two fucking?!’ Your nose scrunched up at Chanyeol’s vulgar shout.

‘Yes?’ At this you paused and smacked Baekhyun’s pec for the shameless (yet truthful) response. ‘Whoa- feisty. Chanyeol-ah, better hang up before you hear her- Ow!’ He raised an arm to defend himself from your playful hits.

‘You realize that if you do not come down in ten you’re most likely missing the flight?’ You heard Chanyeol reply after a frustrated sigh.

‘Not a problem for m-’ Baekhyun was interrupted by your yell.

‘We’re gonna be down in ten, please check the fastest routes to the airport, Yeolie!’

You ran out of the kitchen barely catching Baekhyun’s grumbling as he repeated after you.

‘Yeolie. Why the hell does she even call you that. It’s not like you- What? Shut up, you bastard!’

You smiled to yourself. At least his friends knew how and when to mess with him. If you weren’t there… They got him. He'd be okay. And with that you were happy for now.

A/N:This piece was my reintroduction to writing, and I’d love to hear any type of comments you have^^  Thank you guys for all the interaction and amazing responses so far, I cherish each and every one of them. You're the best <3

[becomingbts]

Find a Way (15)

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Type: angst-fluff-supernatural-series

Warning(s): deals with suicide and death. If you’re not comfortable with that subject, I suggest you don’t read it. Supernatural au.

3.2k

Summary: “If you accept, you’ll go back in time each time you’ll fail.” “I don’t care, I’ll save her no matter what.”

In 2011, he left everything behind so that he could follow his dreams. Yet, he also left his bestfriend, the one who supported him to go to the auditions, the one who cheered on him, the one who brought him banana milk when he felt down, but also the one who killed herself a day before he finally came back home.

Notes: Hello everyone! It’s been a while since I updated this series, I’m so sorry!! I keep on trying to finalize proofreading and then I get stuck and forget for a while, but I hope you’ll like this new chapter! I plan on trying to make more consistent update as we’re nearing the end of the story! I hope you’ll enjoy it!! Take well care everyone, love you lots!

Admin Dolly

Chapter 14 - here - Chapter 16

Fourth Timeline

"She what?" Jungkook froze, unable to comprehend her words.

"My sister. She died in an airplane crash. She was supposed to come back today from her school trip. I... I was supposed to t-take her home tonight," Jungkook's eyes widened as it finally made sense; it suddenly clicked. The postcard from France, (Y/N)'s sudden departure from work, the fact that no one knew where she had gone... It was all because her sudden departure for Seoul had never been planed this early. She was supposed to leave after work, only during the afternoon to fetch her sister.

Jungkook put his confusion aside even if it finally started making sense; he had to support her, it was more important than him trying to put the puzzle's piece together. 

"A-are you alright?" He tentatively asked even if he already knew the answer to the question.

"How am I supposed to be? The only person that stuck to me my whole life just left. How am I supposed to be alright? I swore to protect her with everything that I had-"

"Hey, hey, hey (Y/N) it's not your faul-" she cut him abruptly.

"I could have prevented it from happening!! I should have told her no from the very beginning when she asked me if she could go on that trip, I should have said no! I could have done somet-"

"(Y/N), it's not your fault, listen to me," she went quiet after his sudden yell, startled. His own eyes had also widened, bewildered by the volume of his own voice, yet he knew that he had to cut her rambling. Self-blaming would not help anyone, her sister would sadly remain deceased. How could she blame herself for agreeing to a trip? Of course, she would agree. Jungkook knew better than anyone else that (Y/N) always had to skip school trips because she never got the means for it. It was a given that she would say yes to her sister. "It's not your fault, you wanted her to be happy and not to miss trips like you did when we were younger right?" She looked away briefly and Jungkook got the confirmation he needed. Even if they didn't speak for years, he just knew her and he could tell that she probably used all her savings for her sister to go. (Y/N) had never had the possibility to go on school trips when both of them were younger. When her parents had died, she received monetary help but never got enough to go on trips with the whole class. The provided financial help was supposed to support her in her studies and for her future. School trips were usually deemed as comfort and not as a  need. Hence, she had always been left behind while Jungkook had made it his mission to take a lot of pictures for her and to bring her back a present from each trip they made. It always made her smile and Jungkook could still remember the way she cried the first time he brought her back a little present. So it only made sense for her to do everything for her sister to enjoy school trips the way she had dreamed to. "You didn't want her to miss on anything like you had to, right? You only wanted her happiness, how could it be your fault when you only wanted to make her happy?" Jungkook took a step in her direction and for once, she didn't move away. However, her teary eyes refused to meet his and she snorted quietly at his words.

"And yet, it only brought misfortune. Her last moments were in a hospital when she should have had a much longer life. Yet, her lifeless body was lying there, leaving me all alone." She smiled bitterly, tears rolling on her cheeks as she finally let her despair overwhelm her. Wincing at the sight of her tears, Jungkook tried to push his own heartbreak aside to comfort her as he closed the distance between them and draped his arms over her small frame, engulfing her in his warm embrace, trying to console her as much as he could. He didn't know if he could help considering their broken relationship, but if he could, at least this one time, be a shoulder for her to cry, then so be it.

"I'm sorry it happened to the both of you, I'm sorry for your loss (Y/N)." He let his hand wander through her hair, bringing her head closer to him as he tried to hide his own tears. "I'm so, so, sorry."

"I was so happy that t-today would be the l-last day without h-her," she nuzzled her nose against the crook of his neck, seeking warmth and comfort even if nothing but the cold wind was surrounding them. Jungkook felt like her warmth was so far away, her own presence seemed to hold no warmth. Nothing was right, nothing between them was alright, she wanted to hate him for leaving, to hit him for destroying what they had, but if for five minutes she could finally have someone, stay close to him, she would pretend. Pretend that they were fine, that he still was her home.

"W-why did you have to leave?" She whispered as reality crashed down on her. Now she was alone and maybe they would never be fine again. Maybe she would never be alright again.

"I'm sorry (Y/N) if I could take it all back, I would."  He mumbled, fully knowing that he couldn't, but he still hoped that he could make it right this time.

"She had promised me that s-she'd never leave me alone as you did." She hiccuped and Jungkook's heart broke at her quiet confession. Her voice was so quiet that he had to focus to properly hear her words as if worried that he would disappear if someone were to hear her.

"And she would have never left if she could have helped it. (Y/N), you were her dearest person. When we were younger, she threatened to kick me out of the house if I ever made you cry (Y/N)," it hurt, and her heart truly had other things to think about but she still smiled a bit hearing his words.

"She told me yeah," Jungkook whipped his own tears quietly before (Y/N) could notice them, "once you left, she didn't even try to keep her hatred for you silent." He sighed with a small smile, imagining well that her younger sister probably didn't try to keep her words sweet, he wondered what she told (Y/N) but he shook his curiosity away.

"Let's leave that bridge, yeah? We should get you somewhere warm, you're frozen." He was rubbing his arms against hers, noting again how cold she was. Hoping that it was only because of the cold, Jungkook let his eyes meet hers and he could see the distance she tried to keep between them.

"I-I don't really want to stay with you, to be honest." She pushed him gently, avoiding eye contact again. She didn't want to sound miserable and neither did she want to sound mean, but the only thought of staying near him suddenly made her shiver. It was hard to suddenly have someone back in her life when she didn't have him for years. She had believed that she would never have him back, and now that she lost half of her soul, she didn't know how to welcome him again. Did she even want to? She wasn't sure, all she knew was that she didn't want for him to be around today. Her head was hurting; she wanted to go to sleep.

"I can understand that," Jungkook's smile slowly vanished as his concern grew. He could understand that she didn't want to spend time with him, yet he still hoped that he would be able to look after her a little longer. However, it didn't seem to be in her plans for now. Again, he totally could understand that as much as it stung, but he still wished that he had more time to watch over her.

"Would you like me to find you a hotel room for tonight? I don't think that it would be wise for you to drive in your emotional state." He asked, already bothered by the idea of her driving. It couldn't be safe for her to drive now. He wouldn't force her to stay with him, but he could always pay for a hotel room for her. He would never mind for her.

"I'm okay... I'll be okay. I... I'll have to. Thank you for... I don't really know, thank you though." She returned her glance as he took her hand into his, rubbing his thumb against her palm, soothingly trying to comfort her. He didn't know how to provide support. She had changed so much and so did their relationship. He didn't know what was okay and what wasn't anymore. Jungkook guessed that he only had himself to blame for that, yet he wished he knew her more so that he could encourage her better. Everything was different from the time she lost her parents and Jungkook felt incompetent to actually help her properly. But he would try his best. He didn't come so far only to give up now.

"I know I haven't been here for the last year's, I've been the shittiest friend that you probably ever had if we don't count Ana-"

"Of course you weren't worse than her, find someone from your size-" she almost laughed a bit as he said the name of 'Ana'. She had been a friend of (Y/N) for some months before she realized that she was trying to basically initiate her to drugs. She had overlooked a lot of red flags for that girl even if she realized rather quickly that a lot was wrong between them. Her sister and Jungkook had greatly encouraged her to cut ties quickly; (Y/N) smiled at the thought. Maybe Jungkook would help remind her of all the happy times she got with her sister before she lost her. She wouldn't let herself depend on him again, but if he could alleviate her pain, even just a little, who was she to take it away from herself?

"Of course I wasn't, thank you for acknowledging that; if you ever tell me that I was worse than her, I would start questioning my whole existence." He smiled back at her, keeping her hands warm as he rubbed them in his.

"You're not that far from her you know?" He almost laughed at her attempt of teasing. Nothing was alright, but maybe if life started being kinder with her, she could start healing. Jungkook would never have the pretentiousness of thinking that he would be her remedy; he had done too much damage already. However, maybe he could be a painkiller. And if he had the opportunity to help and ease her pain, he would do anything for her.

"I'm offended, but I'll act as if I didn't hear that," he smiled warmly at her, "as I was saying, I'm probably the last person that you'd like to contact, but please, come to me if you ever need to. I know I've been shitty. I have gone against everything I always said I'd never become, but I'll try to make up for everything, I maybe won't ever be able to fill up the gap I created between us, but I'll try to be the friend that I've never been, and even if you don't want me to, it's okay, I can bear with us being only acquaintance, I just want you to be happy. I know it's going to be hard, you're probably living your worst nightmare, but please. You're not alone. I can be here if you want me to... If you allow me to. I'm a phone call away, I swear. No more empty promise, I'll make them all worth it. If you don't trust me, I can understand but p-please, just.." he was at a loss of words. He had so much to say and he felt like he wasn't conveying any of it. Jungkook felt like he would never find the good words and he hated it. His promises felt empty even to him, but he meant all of them! He had to get it right, he had to find the words. If he didn't, when would he ever make it right again? However, before he could continue, (Y/N) interrupted him, much to Jungkook's surprise.

"I hope you know that your words will have weight, right?" She asked, unsure of what to say after his speech.

"I know. And I'll bear it this time. Here take this, it's my number, feel free to take it or throw it. Just... Yeah, do whatever you want, the choice is yours, but my words are not empty this time. I mean them. I'm here for you whatever happens." She weirdly still had her hand in his as he gave her the piece of paper he had so carefully prepared earlier this day.

"Did you prepare this in advance?" Her question panicked him a bit, yet she didn't leave room for his answer, "thank you for saying this." She was obviously shaken and he hated himself for not being able to help more. "I should get my car." She finally broke the contact, leaving his arms with a sad smile, and he hoped that it didn't mean that it would be the end. It couldn't, he needed for her to be strong and to go on even if it would be hard.

"Let's meet someday, yeah?" Jungkook hesitated but he asked anyway, hopeful.

"Maybe, yeah." She nodded one last time before leaving, walking away under his warm eyes while he truly hoped that she would be alright. He watched her until she disappeared at the next corner and he finally let out a breath that he had not realized he was holding.

He had broken the loop. (Y/N) was alive, she made it.

Even though her healing process would probably be long and painful, she would at least live, and it was all that mattered. She had his number, the choice would be hers to text him or not. Jungkook prayed for her to take it, he hoped that she wouldn't throw it but he couldn't force her to call him either. He glanced at his phone as he felt it vibrating inside his pocket and he wondered which one of his brothers tried to contact him. However, as he checked his notifications, he already had a notification from (Y/N). Jungkook had already saved her number as he remembered it from the previous timeline, so as he saw her name on his tiny screen, he almost giggled aloud in the middle of the street.

The message wasn't long, nor was it saying that she wanted to see him again. No, instead, she had sent a brief "Hi, it's (Y/N)" but it was enough for him to feel his heartbeat accelerate like crazy, pounding against his chest as he rubbed one hand over his heart in a poor attempt to soothe it down. She had taken on his offer. (Y/N) had contacted him, and even though it didn't mean that they would meet soon or that it was going to be easy to be forgiven or for her to ever trust him again, he would perhaps have a chance and it made him giddy. He couldn't help the smile that grew on his lips. Relief flowed within himself. 

She would make it, he would make sure of it. He had to be there for her from now on. He smiled at the possibilities that he could finally think of without feeling his stomach twist uneasily; he could maybe introduce her to his members, maybe take her somewhere nice for a simple walk at night and other things that he dearly missed doing with her. They could go to restaurants, go shopping, even making tourists things. Jungkook didn't care, he'd break every single rule made by bighit if it included her happiness at the end.

So much was now possible and he couldn't keep at bay the excitement that overtook him. He would treasure her the way she deserved. He would man up and not ruin his promises again.

He had to protect her the best way he could. His eyes shut tightly as he remembered what she told him, the final missing piece of the puzzle. Her sister died, it was so strange to imagine it. She died so young, it was unfair. How could sure a pure soul be taken away so easily? Jungkook had tried to push his own shock away the fastest he could because he had known that she would need someone to lean on, not someone who would break after the news, so he had tried to shake it off as long as he was in front of her, yet the reality was now taking a toll on him. (S/N) died, leaving a broken older sister behind; a sister that would have given her life to trade with her if she had been able to.

Jungkook sighed. The news shocked him too, maybe he had never been close to her, but he saw that girl grow up too. He knew her even though she wasn't keen on him, he still knew her pretty well, and it hurt to know that he would never see or speak with her ever again. He had expected to meet her, to have to explain, to face an insurmountable wall that would be the biggest hardship between him and (Y/N), however, she would actually never be there anymore and the realization almost brought him to tears. He wasn't close to her, but she had still been a constant of his childhood. Jungkook felt like something had been stripped away from him despite him expecting to be less affected. Sometimes, death left an unspeakable void, even when one didn't expect it.

Jungkook could only imagine how (Y/N) felt. She had been her entire world, they used to be a duo, an unbreakable one. Yet, fate visibly had other plans and Jungkook wondered why was life so terrible with (Y/N). He sighed again, rubbing his temples a bit, everything was slightly too overwhelming for him. He tried to relax his mind thinking of (Y/N), trying to remember her small smile. She would be okay and it wasn't a mere detail. He finally broke the loop. He did the first step. 

Or so he thought as he suddenly and roughly woke up, sweating and panting.

Why the hell did he get back to his starting point?

Frozen into place, Jungkook looked around and immediately recognized his room. He suddenly jolted awake, mindlessly looking for his phone to check the date. As he found it, Jungkook got blinded by the screen but his eyes widened as he read the date on his screen. He was back to square one.

29th April.

The day of (Y/N)'s death.

[thechangeling]

But you like her better: Part 2

Sorry it's been a minute! I hope you like it.

Cw: Some brief ableism, mentions of internalized biphobia, and self injurious stimming.

2013

It was raining when 16 year old María Machado Sotomayor first met Kit Herondale.

Marí had always loved the sound of the rain. It was peaceful and rhythmic, creating a nice tingly feeling in her skull running straight down her spine. It also good for the plants. Which meant that Marí arrived (on time for once) at her favorite class in a pretty good mood.

Marine biology was their one of their three special interests, the other two being lacrosse and Base guitar. So Bio was usually pretty fun for them. However this time was different.

Her mood was instantly dampened when she walked into class and saw someone new sitting in her usually seat. A blond, short and white kid who looked far too pretty for his own good. A new kid most likely.

A new kid who didn't realize that Marí always sat by the window every single day. It was their spot. Still Marí was determined not to overreact. They marched over to the new kid  and approached him with their best masking smile.

Remember eye contact. She told herself. Keep your tone light and breezy but not too lifeless. Smile. Appear friendly and non threatening. Try not to sweat. Try not to scream.

"Hi excuse me," Marí began in a sickly sweet tone. "That's actually my seat! Sorry!"

The boy instantly looked embarrassed and apologetic. "Oh I'm sorry!" He blushed. "I didn't realize there was assigned seating." He had an American accent, California maybe?

Wonderful. A white American boy. Just what they needed.

Marí chewed their lip and fought the urge to rock or tap. "There isn't actually," they admitted. "I just usually sit there. So can you please move?"

Now the new kid looked a little offended. A cold look settled over his face. "Well why should I?" He bristled. "This seat isn't really yours. It's not like it has your name on it."

Marí rolled her eyes in frustration. "I tried that already but then I got in trouble."

He stared at them curiously for a moment. Marí took the opportunity to break eye contact finally and scuff their heel against the floor. They were wearing the new black suede chunky heels with the gem stones that Marí had gotten when they went thrifting with their friends.

"María!" The harsh voice of her teacher snapped her back into reality. Everyone had arrived and taken their seats while she was arguing with the American and now everyone was staring at her. "Could you please explain why you are not seated young lady?" She snapped in her extra pretentious sounding posh English accent.

The one that said, "I'm better than you."

Marí tried not to growl at being called a young lady. They weren't feeling particularly female today. Not that Marí was going to bother explaining that to some old British hag.

"He won't get out of my seat!" Marí protested. Instantly laughter broke out around the classroom. Cruel mocking laughter that made Marí feel like her skin was crawling.

"It's ok!" The new kid cried out, practically jumping out of Marí's seat. "I'll move! I'll go sit over here." He grabbed his bag and moved to the back of the room as quickly as possible.

Marí smiled in spite of themself. His random act of kindness was surprising, but they were grateful. They took their seat near the window and sighed in relief.

Marí would always look back on that day with fondness no matter what. It may not have seemed like much to him, but it meant the world to her. After Bio class she had asked Kit to come eat with her and her friends. They had made their introductions and the rest was history.

They became close friends very quickly, bonding over movies and music. They sent each other playlists of their favorite songs and songs that reminded them of each other. Marí made Kit a queer playlist with songs by queer artists and told Kit that they were bisexual and a demigirl. They hadn't even told their friends that last part yet at that point.

Marí also told Kit that they liked to use she/they pronouns, but so far was only using them online. Kit asked Marí a lot of questions then confessed to Marí that he was also bisexual but he was still kinda getting used to it.

"I grew up in a shitty situation," Kit had told them. "I guess I still have a lot of shame."

Marí didn't hold it against him. She bought him queer literature and resources for queer history including "Bisexuality and Queer Theory" and her printed copy of the article published in the 90s called "The Bisexual Manifesto." She gave him advice on websites and people to follow online.

They also just talked. Talked about life and their experiences. Their feelings and their relationships with their sexualities. Bonding with another queer person was always special but spending time with Kit always made Marí feel so...light.

Despite how close they were getting, Marí didn't always want to touch him. They were touch averse in most cases unless they were very comfortable with someone. Sometimes it just depended on the day. On the days where Marí found they could not hug Kit they had invented their own way to show affection.

They would place a hand over their hearts and tap it, as if to say "I care about you" or "I love you." Sometimes Kit would say "tap my heart" as a substitute for actually doing it.

He introduced her to his close friend Janessa, the wayward vampire who was incredibly hot and kind of made Marí all nervous and tounge twisty at first. But as they got to know her, Marí realized that she was also incredibly kind, passionate and clearly cared at great deal about Kit. Janessa was a gamer who had named herself after a video game character. She drank cups of warm blood in novelty mugs with giant swirly sparkly straws and was pretty good at making people laugh.

Janessa, or Nessie as Kit had affectionately nicknamed her, was flirtatious and charismatic, but also brutal and deadly in a fight. She was full of surprises. And maybe, just maybe Marì was a little bit into that.

However as much as Marí didn't want to admit it, they were also were starting to realize that they were way more into someone else. Someone with perfect golden curls that Marí wanted to curl their fingers into.

Eventually Kit came out to Marí as genderfluid and requested that she use alternating he/they pronouns for them. They both made the decision to collectively tell their friends their pronouns. Marí, Kit and Nessie sat around her gorgeous leather couch and talked for hours about gender, identity and transness. Kit pointed put that they may never be able to fully explain their gender to the other two, just like Kit might have a hard time fully understanding Janessa's relationship with gender, or Marí's because everyone was different.

"It's personal Nessie," he had said. "Everyone has their own unique perspective on gender and every trans person has their own complicated feelings about gender and what their own gender identity means to them, and those feelings might not completely match up with another trans person's. But that's ok. You don't have to understand the other person but you do have to respect them."

Janessa's understanding of gender came from being a trans women. It was about a strict  binary with clear lines and rules. Rules that Kit was starting to make a habit of fingerpainting all over and Marí could tell that it was stressing her out.

And Marí had no idea where the hell they fit in these rules. They had stopped playing the game.

But those two loved each other more than anything, and Marí knew they could work anything out. And sure enough approximately seven hours and four margaritas later (only two for Marí,) they had come to an understanding.

2014

She kissed Kit for the first time a month into the new year.

They had been trying on clothes in Marí's room and Kit was wearing one of their old dresses that Marí thought they looked amazing in, but Kit wanted to give it away. It was dark navy blue and sparkly with spaghetti straps, coming to about mid thigh. There were cut outs on the sides, filled in with black sheer fabric, and it had a low v cut at the neckline which was also filled in with black sheer.

Kit had been infodumping about one of the Marvel movies again, Marí couldn't remember which one, and she had kept getting distracted by his tan smooth skin peaking through the sheer fabric and fullness of Kit's moving lips. He smiled excitedly and Marí had stepped forward and kissed him.

Their first thought was that Kit tasted like chocolate. Their second was that they should have done this months ago.

Kit had melted into the kiss, smiling slightly against her mouth and pulling her closer. They kissed her feverishly, sliding their tounge inside Marí's mouth and moaning when she deepened the kiss eagerly. They moved against each other with almost lazy, comfortable precision, kissing each other for what could have been hours or days or maybe only seconds.

Marí couldn't have said.

When Kit finally broke the kiss and pulled away from Marí, his eyes were practically gleaming with joy and love. And that was when they knew.

I love him.

2015

I love him.

Ty's words ran in her ears. Repeating over and over again, maddenly bouncing around inside of her skull until she was forced to utter out loud,

"I love him".

They whispered it under their breath but Marí could tell that both Alyssa and Ty had heard them. It was so quiet you could probably hear a pin drop.

But of course. Of course he does. It was obvious. This whole time Marí had noticed there was something wrong with Ty. Just like there was something wrong with Kit. The way they stared after each other when they thought the other one wasn't looking. The loving and worshipful glances mixed with the bitter glares.

Marí had already known that Kit was in love with Ty of course. But the way they had told the story made it seem like they were positive that Ty couldn't be in love with them.

But then again maybe that made sense. Given Kit's history and who he was. But then Marí couldn't help but think of Ty and how confused he must have been. God it was a giant mess.

Speaking of...

The room was still silent. Marí found that she couldn't read Ty's expression as he stared back at her flatly. But his body was shaking, his fingers fluttered at his sides. She wanted to soothe him.

They stepped forward carefully. "I'm not mad at you," Marí assured him. "I was hoping we could talk?"

Ty's left eye twitched. "We are talking," he pointed out. Alyssa snorted.

"Ty, they mean about the proverbial bomb you just dropped a few seconds ago," Alyssa said with a laugh.  Marí smirked to themself slightly.

It wasn't really a bomb. More like a flare.

She really needed to talk to Ty. The only problem was Alyssa had an annoying tendency to never leave his side. It wasn't like she had a problem with the girl. Of course not. But her presence meant that Marí hadn't had the opportunity to talk to Ty one on one.

They cleared their throat. "Alyssa could you please give Ty and I some space to talk?" They asked. Marí hoped they didn't sound too rude. Alyssa looked to Ty and he nodded slightly, signaling that he was ok with her leaving.

That was so strange to Marí. Their relationship. The way Alyssa, a werewolf who hated shadowhunters even more then Marí did, essentially took orders from him and clearly trusted him more than anyone else. But perhaps she wasn't one to judge.

After all, she loved Kit.

Alyssa left the room with a pat on Ty's back and a quick, "call if you need me." Marí shifted their weight back and forth as they rocked slightly from side to side as they waited for Ty to speak.

He stared back at her silently, most likely doing the same. Marí blew out a loud breath and forced herself to stay still, crossing her arms.

"Are you going to say something or should I?" Ty asked expectantly. Marí bit their lip and shrugged.

"I'm still thinking of what I wanna say," she admitted.

Ty smiled at her softly. "So am I."

There we go. Cracks in the armour.

"I'm sorry," Ty whispered suddenly. "I never meant to-"

"You don't have to apologize!" Marí blurted out. Whoops they had interrupted him. "Oh shit sorry you were still talking!" They reached for their hair nervously and realized that they were wearing that Morticia wig for their costume.

Great. Marí moved on to chewing on her knuckles.

"It's ok," Ty reassured her. "I don't really know where I was going with that sentence. And you shouldn't do that." He pointed to her hand.

Marí scoffed, "yeah well you shouldn't dig your nails into your palms." He glared at them and they laughed.

"Not so fun playing a game of Mirror Image is it?" They teased. Ty didn't respond, just stared at Marí solemnly.

"You know I really admire you," he said, aiming his gaze close enough to hers to create the illusion of eye contact. "I always have. I never wanted to hurt or upset you."

Marí wished for a brief moment that they could touch him and then shrugged the impulse off. "I know love," they cooed. "Me too."

Without really understanding why, she pressed her hand to her chest directly above her heart and tapped, just like how she did with Kit. Ty studied Marí for a moment and then followed suite.

Marí in spite of themself, actually felt bad for him. They could clearly see the toll the last three years had taken on him, specifically the last few weeks. Maybe his family couldn't see it, and they definitely knew that Kit couldn't, but Marí could.

Marí of all people could see past the mask because they knew what masking looked like. It wasn't just about appearing normal, whatever that word meant. It was about hiding your feelings. Taking that heart you wore on your sleeve and locking it up tight. But everytime Marí looked at Ty, they could see it. And it was bleeding.

Ripped and bloody and broken, just like her own and yet they both still had the sheer audacity to keep breathing. Marí was proud of them both.

"You need to talk to him," Marí prompted. "You both need to be honest with each other."

Ty furrowed his brow. "Honest? About what? He doesn't feel the same way." He had gone back to flicking his fingers as he stared at her, looking puzzled.

Bloody hell between the two of them, Kit and Ty were giving Marí the mother of all headaches.

They took a deep breath. "Yes they do Ty," Marí tried not to sound exasperated. "Kit is in love with you, believe me. They told me."

It hurt Marí's heart to have to say it, but it was true and Ty deserved to know the truth. And they knew deep down that Kit wouldn't really be happy, he wouldn't be Kit until he had Ty. And Marí had to make their peace with that.

Ty looked understandably confused. He ran a frantic hand through his hair. "But why are you telling me this? Why are you helping me?" He asked. "Don't you love them?"

She fought the urge to cry as tears gathered in her eyes. She found herself digging her nails into her palms despite chastising Ty for doing it a few minutes ago.

"I'm telling you all of this because I love them" she cried desperately. "Because Kit cries out your name in his sleep Ty! Because everytime he sees you, he stares at you like you are the moon the sun and the stars! Because everytime you speak they hang onto absolutely every word, and when you laugh-" Marí cut herself off.

They squeezed their eyes shut and took deep long breaths. Ty said nothing. Marí opened their eyes to see Ty staring at them in dismay. He looked like he was trying to think of what to say to help.

Marí shook their head. "I know Kit loves me. And they probably always will. We were close friends even before we started dating." Marí groaned and shook out their entire body this time, jumping up and down a few times as well to get rid of the tension. If Ty thought this was weird he didn't comment on it.

Marí wiped her eyes carefully trying not to smudge her mascara. "But you Ty?" His eyes refocused on her again at the sound of his name. Marí chuckled humourlessly. "Fucking hell, he is in love with you. And right now he is thinking that you hate him and I know it's tearing him up inside."

Ty stared at Marí hopelessly, looking overwhelmed and exhausted. "So what do I do then? What am I supposed to say?"

Marí shrugged. "I can't help you with that I'm sorry. It has to come from you." Ty looked even more panicked.

They gave him what they hoped was an encouraging smile. "Don't be scared Ty," they murmered. "It's Kit remember. They're not scary. You have nothing to worry about."

Ty didn't answer her. He had wrapped his arms around his body, squeezing tightly. "Marí do you remember those dead moon jellyfish we buried on the beach?" He asked.

She was a little confused as to why he was bringing this up now. "Yeah? Why?"

"That's what I feel like right now," Ty admitted. "Like I've washed up on the beach and now I'm just waiting for someone to come along and step on me."

Marí's heart sank. "Oh Ty," they breathed. "I promise that won't happen with Kit. I can't make any promises for anyone else, but I do know that Kit has absolutely no intention of hurting you again love."

Ty looked pensive. Marí could only hope that Ty would make the decision to trust them.

With a sudden jolt Marí remembered the party.

"Hey we still have the Halloween party to go to," she said, shaking Ty out of his stupor. "Do you still wanna go?"

To their surprise, Ty nodded. "Sure. I think Alyssa might kill me if I back out now."

Marí snorted. Alyssa Reyes could be pretty terrifying at times.

With surprise Marí found that their spirts were lighter having cleared the air with Ty and with the prospect of a party being renewed.

She smiled. "All right then let's head out!" Marí smoothed down the long black wig over her shoulders and quickly smoothed out the long skirt of her black slinky dress before turning and exiting the training room.

She knew that she would have to talk to Kit at some point and that conversation would be brutal. But at least they could have one last night together.

It's better this way. Marí told themself as they walked back towards the main living room where everyone was gathered.  At least now Kit can be happy.

It's for the best.

It has to be.

So I'm actually planning on writing a part 3 from Kit's pov because the drama isn't over yet! 😏

Tag list: lmk if you wanna be added/removed.

@playwithravenclaw @lavender-scented-rat @jazzkaurtheglorious @waterlillies   @nott-the-best @stxr-thxif @magnus-the-fabulous-entp-bane @foxglove-airmid @littlx-songbxrd @clarys-heosphoros @queenlilith43 @arangiajoan @hardlymatters @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood @tired-vin @phoenix-and-dragon @the-blackdale @adoravel-fenomeno @the-wckd-powers

[20moonchild21]

𝗦𝗲𝗵𝗻𝘀𝘂𝗰𝗵𝘁 [𝗯𝘁𝘀]

⇉ 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 12

[pairings]

JK x female!oc, Bunny!JK x human!female!oc, Jin x female!oc, Leopard!Jin x human!female!oc, Jimin x female!oc, white Tiger!Jimin x human!female!oc, Taehyung x female!oc, black Tiger!Taehyung x human!female!oc, JK x Jin x Jimin x Taehyung x female!oc

[warnings]

angst, nightmare, dream of being taken away

[words]

3.9k

[author]

I am back with a new chapter, finally! I am so excited what you will think about it. Me personally, I absolutely love this chapter. I hope so do you!

By the way, you guys are crazy! I mean, 200 followers?! What the heck?! I can’t describe how thankful I am for every single one of you! It makes me so happy to read your cute messages and see your likes under my chapters. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!💜

I am thinking of uploading two chapters to honor the day! Be excited!

If two new chapters aren’t enough for you today, then I can highly recommend you to check out @starlightauroras-writes profile and her super cute store Inferiority complex. I love her story. She is super talented and the cutest author I know!

Enjoy your weekend and stay safe!

Mꨄ

[chapter 11 ||| chapter 13]

“I am sorry, but you have to leave.” The girl had shoved both, Taehyung and him, towards the door of her apartment. “Here is no longer room for you.”

That was the last thing they heard from her, before she slammed the door shut in front of them. Jimin’s heart broke at her words. Now, the both of them were on their own again, alone and scared, like Taehyung had predicted.

If it was for Jimin, he would have stayed in front of her door and begged for her to let them in again, but Taehyung had lead him out of her building, pulling him down the streets, always careful that they would not be seen by any other human.

But luck had not been with them. Before they could had reached the small forest, they had been caught and taken away. The men had locked them up in cages and were now driving them god knows where.

“I am so sorry, Hyung.” Tae suddenly sniffed from the cage beside him. “This is all my fault.”

Never before had Tae cried. He had always been the one to be strong and rational when everything would fall apart, but not now. Jimin wanted to crawl over and hug him, but they were still separated by the heavy metal bars.

“No, Tae.” Jimin squeezed himself as far as possible through the metal bars, so he could touch Tae’s shoulder with his hand. “Nothing of this is your fault.”

“Yes it is.” He lifted his head to look up at his brother. “I should have never let her get our trust. I should have make sure we leave as soon as possible, but I was blinded by her, and now we have to go back there. I failed to keep you safe.”

The clicking of the car door was ripping Jimin away from his brother. They were coming, and there was no chance they could escape one more time.

“Jimin!”

“Jimin!”

Jimin shot up from the bed. His normally fluffy, dark hair was now wet and sticky from his sweat, clinging onto his forehead. His heart was beating so fast, he was scared that it would jump out of his chest soon, ad his hands were shaking.

“Jimin!”

When he heard Tae’s voice coming from the darkness again, he quickly turned his head around, just to see him sitting next to him. A small lamp was lighting up the room behind him, and when he realized that they were still in the apartment of the girl, he felt his heart skip a beat out of relief.

“Jimin, are you okay?” Tae crawled closer, laying his hands on Jimin’s shoulders. “You mumbled ‘no’ and strange words over and over again, and you are sweating like crazy.”

Jimin, who was still shocked from his dream, just stared at Tae, before the tears the tears were sliding down his face. He threw himself into his brothers arms, pulling him close and holding him for a few minutes, while telling him about his dream.

He felt Tae’s body stiffen, as he told him everything he had seen in his dream. He knew that it wasn’t reality, but the experienced felt so real to him anyway.

“I would never let anyone hurt you again, Chim.” Tae eventually whispered into the smaller boy’s hair, wrapping his arm tighter around his slim body. “Never.”

Jimin needed another 10 minutes to finally calm down again. He pulled away from his brother, looking him into the eyes. Both of them knew that the other one was thinking, the dream was just a reminder on that.

“You know that we will have to leave, Jimin?” Tae said in an almost stern tone, trying to cover his emotions.

Jimin had known his brother for long enough. Tae was struggling to deal his emotions or to open up about them. He would rather keep them to himself so no one could hurt him.

“I know that, Tae.” He whispered back, squeezing the black tiger hand under the soft duvet.

He mind drifted again. He would miss the soft fabric of the bed. They never asked her to give them this much comfort. All they asked for was that she helped healing Tae’s arm. Jimin would have slept on the floor, he would have starved himself if it was what it would have cost them to make Tae healthy again.

But Hope offered the so much more. She gave them food, a bed and a safe place to stay for that period of time. Not once had she asked for anything in return, which made Jimin sometimes feel bad, because he didn’t want her to think that they weren’t thankful for her help. They were. Both of them.

“But where do we go?” He almost didn’t dare to speak it out loud, too scared of the answer. “We have nowhere to go.”

The younger tiger closed his eyes for a few seconds, nodding his head in response.

“We will hide somewhere.” He eventually replied. “We will be carefully, Jimin. No one will catch us, I promise. Do you remember that old building we stay for a couple of weeks after we escaped?”

Jimin nodded. They had found an abandoned house with a couple of furniture left. It was not comparable to this apartment, but it was more than that old parking garage they stayed in before Hope had found them. There had even been some blankets left, which were good to hold out the cold from the winter air.

Sadly, they couldn’t stay long. One day, they had been surprised by people coming up, looking all over the house, talking about something like ‘renovating’ or something. They had seen the traces both tigers had left and had immediately called the police, forcing Jimin and Taehyung to leave and look for something else to stay.

“I saw many abandoned buildings in that area.” Taehyung continued to talk. “They even had a small supermarket there. Every day in the evening, they throw away a lot of left overs into the trash bins behind the building. If we are careful, we can take something from there.”

Jimin didn’t say anything. He just nodded at his brother’s suggestion, knowing that there was no other option for them. He would miss the delicious meals Jin would make in the evenings. He even helped preparing them a few times.

Jin was the oldest one around here. Jimin was amazed by his cooking skills and his way of talking. The Leopard had given him a welcoming feeling from the first day they met. But also when he got to know the bunny Hybrid more and more, it had felt right. He couldn’t blame Jungkook for his concerns about the two tigers. Jimin would probably be reacting the same way.

“Hey, Jimin.” Taehyung turned Jimin by his shoulders, forcing him to look into his eyes as he put his forehead against Jimin’s. “I will not let anything happen to us again. We will be okay. I promise.”

“Do you really have to leave, Hope?” Jungkook whined as he dropped his ears beside his head. “Can’t you just write your professor an email or something?

The small girl stopped fiddling with the strap of her bag, before she turned around a gave Jungkook the ‘are you serious’ look, slightly shaking her head.

“I am sorry, Kookie.” She said as she swung the bag over her shoulder, looking back at the four boys that were standing in front of her. “I need to discuss this with him in person. But I will be back soon, I promise.”

She made a step forward and stepped up to her tippy toes, before she presses a quick kiss to the bunny’s cheeks. Immediately, Jungkook felt his face redden at this innocent gesture.

“The last time you said this, you came back with those two.” The bunny muttered, slightly pointing behind him with is thumb, where a clearly annoyed Taehyung just rolled his eyes.

The girl just smiled but ignored his comment. She went over to Jin and gave him a small hug as well, before she carefully waved at Jimin and Taehyung. The white tiger was the only one who happily waved back at her, while his brother just rolled his eyes again.

“I will be back soon.” She said and stepped outside. “Alone.”

She had turned back and said the last part directly into Jungkook’s direction, before she slightly waved again and closed the door to go to university.

When the door fell shut with an loud tuck, the apartment suddenly fell in salience, as the four boys stood awkwardly in front of the door. No one said anything, everyone was just staring at each other, as it was the first time they had seen each other.

Indeed, it was the first time for Jungkook that he actually saw Taehyung properly for the first time. Before, he had only seen him when Jimin and him had been here for the very first time, but the bunny had been too busy processing everything so there had been no time to look at him properly.

Taehyung objectively was a beautiful man. He had natural, wavy brown hair that fell fluffily over his forehead, almost covering his eyes. On top of them, there was set a pair of deep black ears, that even had a small patch of white fur at the tip. His deep brown eyes matched his hair, and with his straight nose and fully lips, he looked like a model. He even got that annoyed look all the time.

Jimin was not much different, beside that he was smiling way more often than his brother and the pair of snow white ears with a black tip. Jungkook actually like Jimin. The white tiger was fun to hang out with. Him and Jungkook had played a few video games together, and Jungkook had to admit that it was nice to have some other friends beside his brother.

The tension in the room seemed to increase with every second. None of them knew what to say to each other, because usually, it was Hope who would start a conversation. But Hope was not here in the moment.

“Hmm.” Jin cleared his throat, before he hesitantly looked at Jungkook, giving him the behave-look. Then back towards the other two Hybrids, smiling at them. “I will go and prepare something for lunch. Don’t make a mess here.”

The oldest boy turned around and walked into the kitchen, leaving the three young boys alone in the living room. Jungkook watched as his body disappeared in the kitchen, before he turned back and looked at Taehyung and Jimin, who were just looking as confused as himself.

“What – What are we going to do now?” Jungkook asked, rather talking to Jimin than towards Taehyung.

Jimin slightly scratched his neck, as his gaze flickered over towards the small table in front of the TV, where two controllers were laying.

“Can we – “ He hesitantly begin. “Can we play that game on the TV again? It was fun when we played it the other day.”

Jungkook just nodded in silence, before he moved over and dropped himself onto the sofa. Jimin quickly followed him and sat down next to him, before his gaze moved back towards his brother who was still standing at the same spot. The white tiger gestured him with is hand to come over as well.

Taehyung just rolled his eyes again, but he eventually walked towards the sofa, standing crossed arms next to it. He looked with cocked up eyebrows as Jungkook turned on the TV.

“What are you doing?” He asked suddenly, his tone held a small hint of curiousness.

“This is fun, Tae.” Jimin said happily, as he took a controller. “With those controllers we can make car races. Look.”

Jungkook watched as Taehyung looked wide eyed at the TV screen where now many cars were racing over the rode. Inside himself, he chuckled at the black tiger, knowing how confusing those human things were when seeing it for the first time. He remembered the first time Hope had turned on the TV and those yellow, funny figures had appeared. Of course, he had seen a TV before, but never had he been watching it before.

Jimin next to him was already absorbed in the game. He moved both of his thumbs wildly over the buttons, sticking his tongue out at the same time. Taehyung at the other hand was absorbed in the game as well. His mouth hung open slightly, as he carefully sat himself down at the edge of the sofa, never taking his eyes off of the TV screen. In that moment, it was the first time that Jungkook didn’t see a grumpy or annoyed expression on his face.

Jimin and Jungkook continued playing their car race for several more rounds, warming up more and more to each other. They laughed together when one of them drove his car into the ditch, or when the pushed each other around the roads. Even Taehyung sometimes cheered for Jimin when he was about to win a round, completely forgetting their incidents with each other over the past days.

“Do you want to try it too, Tae?” Jimin asked after the 8th round, holding his controller out towards his brother.

The black tigers eyes flickered from Jimin’s hand towards Jungkook, before he carefully nodded. He moved over next to his brother, taking the controller out of his hands. Jimin was already explaining him how to use all the buttons.

When the black tiger was ready, Jungkook pushed the ‘start’ icon and the race started. Immediately, the loud and wild clicking of pushed buttons was the only thing that could be heard in the room. The game was no longer about an innocent car race. Both Hybrids were rather triggered to win against the other one in proof to be stronger. What none of the realized, that they were unwillingly laughing together all along.

“I won!” Jungkook yelled when his car raced over the finish line.

He threw the controller next to him on the sofa, before he turned his head towards the black tiger, sticking playfully out his tongue. Taehyung just rolled his eyes and breath out hardly, not being able to hide the small grin that played on his lips.

“This is because I let you win.” He said, laying the controller next to him as well. “I didn’t know that human things can be this much fun.”

He crossed his arms and leant back against the soft cushions, flickering his eyes around the room. Suddenly, his gaze held no longer that happy look but once again, his eyes sparkled with arrogance.

“Tell me, bunny.” He said, looking Jungkook into the eyes, cocking his eyebrows up. “Does that girl let her pets do all human things, or are you only allowed to turn the TV on and off.”

Jungkook pressed his eyes together at the black tiger’s words.

“Her name is Hope, and we are not her pets.” He hissed at Taehyung. “We can do anything we want to do.”

“Aww, how cute.” Taehyung fake-awed. “Are you defending your human girl? Do you like her that much?”

Jungkook’s heart skipped a beat when the black tiger mentioned that topic. He slightly clenched his fists, pressing his ears flat towards his head. It was not the way Taehyung was calling him ‘pet’, but it was that he was talking about Hope in the respectless way which made him mad.

“Stop calling her that.” He pressed through clenched teeth. “She gave us anything we could have ever asked for. She gave you anything without questioning it for one second, but you do nothing but being respectless towards her. Do you think I didn’t see how you are always showing off your fangs towards her?”

The smirk on the black tiger’s face suddenly dropped.

“You are always trying to scare her away, but I never said anything because she didn’t want me to make you feel uncomfortable.” He continued and by now even Jin was looking out of the kitchen. “You are threatening her and still, she treats your arm. You are growling at her and still, she came to us crying, telling us that she doesn’t want you to go, because she is worried about your safety. But you don’t care you are just talking about her as if…”

Jungkook kept rambling, not noticing that the two tigers’ faces were speechless from what he was telling them. They looked at the bunny with eyes and open mouths until he finished his monologue. When he did, the room was silent again.

“Does – Does she really want us to stay?” Jimin asked after a few minutes of silence, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

It was just now that Jungkook realized what he just had told them. They actually were not supposed to hear that from him, because Hope wanted to tell them by herself when she thought it was the right time. Well, now the cat was out of the bag.

The girl took a deep breath, before she carefully knocked at the door.

She had been out to discuss her term papers with her professor who was the first one that had been allowed to read them before the committee would. He had told her that he had proofed her terms for any holes that could possibly be a risk for passing that final hurtle, but he had said that it was bulletproof.

When she had come home a few hours ago, she had found the apartment in some kind of a mess. Jimin and Taehyung had been in their room again, while Jin had admonish Jungkook at the dining table in the living room.

When she had asked them what had happened, Jungkook had been near to cry when he told her what he had done. He was blaming himself that it had slipped out of his mouth when they had their small fight a few hours before she had come home.

She was not mad at him though. They would have found out at some point anyway, and that’s how she found herself in front of Taehyung’s and Jimin’s door, hoping to get the chance to talk to them again.

She waited a few more seconds when there was no answer, before she knocked again. Still, there was no answer from inside the room.

“Taehyung, Jimin?” She carefully pushed the door knob and opened the door, not waiting for another answer.

When she peaked her head around the door, she spotted both tigers sitting on the bed together, but something was wrong. Through the silent room, she heard small sobs coming from the bed. She immediately knew it was Jimin.

Though, no one had allowed her to step in, she took a step forward, pushing the door open with a small squeaking sound, making Taehyung’s head shot around. His exes formed to small slits, before he shot up from the bed, facing the girl directly.

“You don’t need to kick me out.” He hissed through clenched teeth. “I will be gone by this evening.”

Hope didn’t know what to response to that. Hadn’t Jungkook told them that they could stay? Why would they think that she would kick them out all the sudden? Jimin’s small sobs ripped her out of her thoughts.

She decided to ignore Taehyung’s statement for now, before she made her way over to the sobbing white tiger who was still sitting on the bed.

“Jimin.” She almost whispered, carefully laying her hand on his. The boy’s hand twitched for a moment, but he didn’t pull away, as he kept on keeping his head sunk low. “Jimin, why are you crying?”

Jimin sighed slightly, before he lifted his other hand to whip off the stains of tears from his cheeks, before he eventually lifted his gaze.

“I am so sorry.” He whispered, still sniffing slightly. “We never wanted to make you feel uncomfortable. Please, don’t make Tae go. I can’t be without him. Please.”

When Hope heard Jimin’s begs to not kick out his brother, her heart broke. She would never kick one of them out, while the other one was allowed to stay. She carefully wrapped an arm around the white tiger’s shoulder, pulling him close so that she could lean her head against his.

“No one will kick Taehyung out.” She said, feeling the tension falling off of the boy’s trembling body. The next part she spoke more towards the black tiger who was still next to the bed, watching the scene in front of him closely. “Taehyung, I know we hadn’t had the best start, but you don’t have to go and neither does Jimin. We can figure things out of you want, so please, stay with us.”

Taehyung’s eyes flickered between the girl and his brother, before his ears dropped in shame. He loved his head and carefully sat down on the edge of the bed, still keeping his distance between the girl and him.

“I am – “ He cleared his throat, his deep voice was holding a tone of shame. “I am sorry that I threatened you.”

He didn’t look up at her, as he fiddled with the hem of his shirt. Hope knew that he meant what he said. There was not a single hint from arrogance or irony in his tone.

“I – I just wanted to protect us.” He began to say again, looking up this time. “I – when we fled from those people, I promised myself that I will always protect us from any human, and I was so – so confused when you suddenly helped us. I thought you had some bad intentions, and that you would hurt us again at some point. I never wanted to hurt your or Jin or Jungkook.”

Hope could image how hard it was for the boy to bring up some trust against her. Humans had hurt them so many times, they had misused their trust and now, they were stock up with a human girl they didn’t knew at all. It would take time for them to trust her fully, and also for her and her boys to trust them.

It was also the first time that she noticed that Taehyung had actually called Jin and Jungkook by their real names. Another proof that he really meant what he was saying. She was still rubbing slight circles on Jimin’s back who had stopped his crying meanwhile and was instead looking at the girl wide eyed.

“And you did a good job doing that.” She smiled slightly at the black tiger. “Look, you both are all safe and sound here. No one will hurt you again, because now, you are with us. We protect each other.”

Taehyung nodded at her words, still trying to process what she was saying. He looked like he was about to cry, but was trying to hold it back at any costs. Hope carefully laid her hand palm up onto the space on the bed between them, hoping that he would take it. The black tiger looked at her for a few seconds, before he finally laid his hands on hers, squeezing it carefully.

It was a first step into the right direction for the three of them. They all had to get used to living with each other, but Hope had no doubts, it would turn out for good at some point.

“Thank you – Hope.” Taehyung whispered, squeezing her hands once again.

[inspirations ||| recommendations]

@starlightauroras-writes

@wishesunderthestars

@agustdakasuga

@ditttiii

@angelicyoongie

[brockadoodles]

endless moments that led me to you - b. boeser

AN: I wasn’t gonna post this for a while cause like, there’s so much content and I really don’t want it to get buried but @nikolajehlers​ asked nicely so.. please don’t let it flop. I promise there’s no angst. It’s a 4+1 but slightly different. 

Word Count: 4281

Warnings: teeth rotting fluff, also babies. 

You were a firm believer in the concept that all lives were a series of moments. Moments where sometimes you’d feel joy so closely that it bubbled in your stomach. Moments where sometimes you’d feel heartbreak so deeply that your chest would physically ache. Life to you, was about the little things that added up to all of those moments, and the people that you chose to spend it with along the way. Friends came and went, flings and partners came and went, and that was okay with you because they were a part of a little moment, a moment in time that you’d cherish forever. Brock Boeser was different. He wasn’t a little moment, he was what all the little moments led to, even if it took you far too long to realize it.

You stood in front of your shared vanity, the reflection of a tree filled with thick snow coming from the window that was opposite of the mirror and you smiled. You reached a hand down to your stomach and spread your fingers, the ring glistening on your left hand, another not so little moment in your love story with your best friend.

“We’re gonna tell daddy about you today, little peanut. Hope you’re ready.” You hummed, looking back up at your own reflection in the mirror,

“I sure am.” You added softly. This moment was one that felt like it was almost not possible. It had been over a year of trying, a year of doubting, negative after negative test. Each one cracking your heart a little more. Each one was a moment you wanted to forget, because you didn’t want another negative. You didn’t want to have to watch his face fall when he’d look at the test first for you, a frown on his face when he would break the news. You didn’t want another moment where you doubted yourself and wondered why your body wouldn’t work the way you wanted it to.

A soft knock broke you from your little moment in the mirror, and the man in question poked his head through the door. He was a bit older now, his hair was a bit shorter than he used to keep it, his beard now has flecks of grey mixed in, but he was still the same person you fell in love with all those years ago. Another moment that led to now.

“Are you ready to go?” He asked.

“Yeah.” You softly answered, leaning up to kiss him quickly before following him out. You grabbed your bag, knowing that the surprise was tucked safely inside for him to see in just a little while. You thought back to what life was like before getting to love Brock, and found yourself lost in a daze from the moment when he almost told you how he felt, but couldn’t quite get the words out.

“Where are we going?” You asked your best friend as he drove down the windy road. The top was off of his Jeep, the sun shining down on you as you watched the scenery pass by. It was his first summer back home in Prior Lake since starting in Vancouver. It had been three weeks since he came slowly walking out of the airport terminal, falling into your arms with a sleepy smile and a hug that lingered just a bit too long, and you had spent almost every minute with Brock since.

“My favorite place.” You tilted your head at him and wondered why you didn’t recognize where you were going. You and Brock didn’t really have secrets, you had met a few years prior, your friend had been dating his roommate at the time and the two of you clicked instantly, becoming nearly best friends overnight. You were used to him being away, but he never once made you feel like you weren’t a priority to him, and every time he came home you knew that the distance between you didn’t really matter.

“I really missed you this year.” Brock frowned. His voice was a bit softer than usual. It was shaky as you sat next to him, your legs dangling from the back of his Jeep as you admired the lake in front of you. His words sent a pang of sadness to your chest, a feeling that you had buried deep down a long time ago. You were used to missing Brock, but something about the tone of his voice had you wondering if he was trying to say that he missed you in the way that you missed him.

“I missed you, too.” Was all that you responded with, careful to guard your own heart. Things worked with Brock as they were. Every year he left, off to live out his dream that was now a reality, and you always stayed in contact, spending nearly all of your time together when he was home. But Brock always left, he had to, and while he took a little piece of your heart with him each time he went, the feeling of knowing he was keeping it safe for when he returned was enough to stop you from admitting your feelings. Because having a piece of your heart gone every fall was manageable, having the entire thing gone forever was not.

Brock had always felt like he was somewhat of an old soul, or the type of person who was always just emotionally a few years ahead of those around him. He thought often about what his life was going to look like in the future, where he wanted to settle down, how many kids he hoped to have, one girl and one boy, and who he pictured this future with. Each vision or dream he had was of you. Every girl he met, every single one that he tried to connect with in Vancouver when you weren’t there, he picked apart. Perhaps he did this unfairly, placing expectations on people who didn’t deserve to be compared to the person he was waiting for back home, but that’s what he did, until he had the realization that it was you he wanted, only you. So when he told you he missed you, it meant something more than the traditional definition of the words.

“No, I missed you.” He took your hand in his and laced your fingers through his own as he spoke.

“I realized that while I was in Vancouver, everything came back to you. All I wanted was you, all I ever want, is you. You’re not just my best friend, I don’t think you have been in a long time. I want it to be real, do you want it to be real?”

You didn’t have the words on the tip of your tongue to answer, instead you grabbed his cheek and leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to his lips that turned into something more out there on the lake, in the back of his Jeep, that answered the question just the way he wanted you to. It was a moment shared between two people who were probably too young to know what love really meant, but had the closest possible version of it at the time.

“You seem a little distracted, honey. Everything alright?” Brock asked you, snapping you from the moment back into the current one. Your hand had been frozen on top of the bag on the counter, the one containing the food you were planning to bring, not that your stomach was settled enough to eat any of it anyways. Brock had a concerned expression on his face and his eyes were soft as he tried to read your feelings.

“Just thinking about how much I love you.” You smiled. It wasn’t a lie, in a way that’s what you were thinking about and the answer seemed to satisfy Brock as he took a moment to wrap an arm around your waist and kiss your forehead gently.

“I love you, too.” He replied, kissing your temple softly before heading out the side door to where the car was parked, you walking just a few paces behind him and taking it all in.  

Brock was home for Christmas and it was the first time you had seen him in almost three months. After spending the first part of your relationship together almost 24/7, the reality of long distance hit you as soon as September came and he had to leave again. The distance wasn’t easy. The time difference sometimes would get in the way and you’d just miss each other. Sometimes when he tried to call after games, he would just miss you, usually with your phone buzzing in your hand as you fell asleep. But for all of the hard moments, there were also the good ones, and you had been counting down the days, to the hours, to the minutes that you would see him again.

You waited outside of the terminal for him, your arms wrapped tightly around your chest. His sweatshirt was underneath your parka, and the beanie on your head was also his. You took whatever you could take of him when he was home, almost letting it become a running joke when in reality you used the material objects as pieces of him to hold onto. Comfort when he wasn’t there to comfort you. You watched as person after person came through the gates until you saw him. You didn’t care that people were staring as you ran into his arms, jumping into them and kissing him hard. He reacted instantly, pulling you closer and resting his hand on the nape of your neck.

“Can we go to our spot?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper. You pulled back to look at him and nodded. Grabbing his hand and lacing your fingers together as you walked out of the airport and to the parking lot.

“You know, the view isn’t really as great when we can’t see anything.” You commented as you parked the car in the familiar place. Brock had been suspiciously quiet the entire ride from the airport to the familiar spot on the lake, and part of you was riddled with nerves that this was some cruel way of breaking up with you exactly where you got together, an idea that didn’t even make sense fully when you thought about it. Brock didn’t answer your question, instead he looked straight out the window at the dark now frozen lake, whose only source of light was the soft glow of the various homes surrounding it and the reflection of the moon on the ice.

“I love you.” He whispered, breathing a sigh of relief as soon as the words left his lips and hit the air. Your breath caught in your throat and you nearly cried. You had felt it for weeks now, that you loved him. And you had almost told him so many times. On nights where he felt just far enough away that it hurt, you would almost say the three words. On nights where one of you was experiencing a happy moment, you almost said it. On nights when you’d fight from the distance that felt permanent between you, you almost said it. So hearing them come from his lips, was your favorite moment you had shared together so far.

“I love you too, Brock.”

That was probably one of your favorite memories to think about. You were young and trying to navigate your entire life with a chunk of you physically in another country most of the time. But even through the time differences, the schedules, and the endless amount of FaceTimes and minutes on the phone, you always had him. And the thing about Brock was that he always made sure you knew that, even now that you were older and in a different phase of love.

Brock was undoubtedly your person. The concept you see written about in love stories and dramatized in television shows. He was the personification of that for you and as you looked over at him while he was driving the familiar route to the spot that had become your spot together, no questions asked, you were thankful that this whole new moment was going to be with him.

As the trees continued to pass by and the music softly faded into the back of your consciousness, you thought about another moment where Brock reminded you that he was the destination for you, that every other moment was just a catalyst leading you down a path of a life with him.

Brock was normally a calm person, his demeanor was relaxed and things didn’t outwardly bother him. He rarely showed his nerves, you had always supposed that it was a by product of the many traumas he has grown up with. But he still made an effort, openly talking about his feelings with you and openly loving you with his entire heart nestled on his sleeve. Brock in this moment, was anything but calm or collected.

He had driven you back to that same spot on the lake, the one that was tucked away neatly about fifteen minutes from his parents house where he grew up, where you had already had so many moments with him. He was practically shaking with nerves as he parked the car and you got out, heading straight for the back of the Jeep like you always did. He watched you for a moment, taking in each detail about you as if they weren’t already memorized and stored nearly in his head. Habits and details that he thought about more often now that you were his and he was yours, replaying the memories and moments in his head when it wasn’t resting next to yours, when he was miles away from you. You caught his eye and smiled at him, and he knew. He knew that this moment was the right moment. He knew that you were his forever, and the ring box in his pocket didn’t feel so heavy anymore the longer he focused on your smile.

Brock moved to stand in front of you, stepping between your legs as they dangled from the edge of the Jeep. He rested his hands on your thighs, using his thumb to rub soft circles into your skin. He looked at you like you were his entire world, and that was because you were. You were the only thing he couldn’t live without.

“I was thinking…” He hummed as he reached one of his hands into his pockets, never moving his eyes from yours.

“Oh boy, I can only imagine what about.” You teased with a soft smile on your lips. You were expecting a chirp back, a moment of banter like so many that you had shared before. You weren’t expecting him to just smile and drop to one knee in front of you. You weren’t expecting him to pull out a black velvet box, with a gorgeous ring nestled firmly into the cushions. You weren’t expecting the tears that fell from your cheeks as you nodded yes over and over again, unable to speak from the shock of what was happening. Regardless of what you hadn’t been expecting, your feelings after it happened were a welcomed, comfortable rush of love. The love that had been consistently pooling deep into your chest, making a permanent home there now that Brock had put a ring on your hand, a moment that up until then was the best one of your life.

As he pulled into the usual spot, you thought of another moment. One that you would in a way get to do again, now that there was a new addition coming to the family. You looked off into the distance, spotting the same house you had just come from. The deck still looked new, the paint was fresh, and the memory of what it once looked like was another moment cemented into your heart as you thought back to the moment you first saw it. Vancouver was beautiful, but this was home.

“God, I love it here.” You hummed as you stepped out of the car. It was early June and this was the first time you had been back to the lake since coming home. It wasn’t too hot yet and the sun was reflecting just enough on the water to show the deep blue color that you loved. Everything about it felt familiar as you stood there for the first time in months. Brock wrapped an arm around your shoulders and turned your body into his, pressing a kiss to your lips quickly that still had your heart racing every time he did it. You were no stranger to the feeling, having been together for a few years now, but you still couldn’t believe that you were lucky enough to still have him, each moment spent with him gave you a new understanding of love, and the engagement ring that now adorned your finger was a product of that.

“So I have a reason that I brought us here.” Brock smiled down at you.

“Yeah? Please share with the class, Brock.” You joked. His eyes rolled a bit and you leaned up to kiss the smirk off of his lips. He settled you into his chest and rested his head on top of yours, admiring the view of the lake. If he looked hard enough, he could see the property just to the left and down a few miles, the one he had come here to talk to you about. He pulled back from you slightly and looked into your eyes.

“I found this house, it’s kind of a mess honestly and would be a lot of work. But it’s here, on the lake, and it has this feel to it that reminds me of you, of us. And I don’t know, I guess I just want to make it ours, build it back up together and have a home to come back to when we’re here.”

You let his words sink in, all of the feelings about what he had just said fluttering in your heart. You had been engaged for only a few months now, you lived together in Vancouver, you came back to Minnesota with him whenever the two of you could, it felt like the most logical next step together, to figure out where to settle. Vancouver was where you spent 90% of time, and you had never really thought about it as home, until then, Brock was your home, Vancouver was just a place that you happened to enjoy. Brock however, took your moment of silence as hesitation, and for a few seconds he pulled back, letting his mind race that maybe what he was asking for was too much.

“I know we haven’t really talked about it, or about where we’d want to raise kids yet. I don’t know, maybe it’s too much, I just..” He turned to face you, grabbing one of your hands in his and running his thumb along your skin, something he always did when he was nervous.

“I don’t want to just come home to you, I want to come come with you, in a place that we build up together. I know we have the Vancouver place, and I know we’re getting married next year, but, I don’t know if it’s something about being here, but it feels right. Don’t you think?” And with a statement like that from who was most likely the greatest person you ever had the privilege to love, how could you say no?

“Let’s do it, Brock. Let’s fix a home together.” And that’s exactly what you spent the next year doing, designing each detail to accommodate into your lives together perfectly. From the kitchen you had dreamed of having since you were little, to the view of the lake you grew up on from the back deck. You had always thought you’d grow up and leave Prior Lake, and even though you did for 90% of the year, you felt a wave of nostalgia coming back to have a house here together. It felt fitting for the moment as newlyweds, and deep down you knew that it would be perfect once kids became a part of the moment.

“We’ve been through a lot here.” You hummed as Brock drove down the familiar windy road. The snow was freshly crisp, littering the trees with white. Your stomach was fluttering with nerves as you got closer and closer to the spot at the lake that had become the spot where every important moment together had happened.

Brock had taken you here one summer nearly five years ago, telling you that his feelings had progressed past friendship and into something more. He had brought you there again nearly a year later, where the moon reflected on the frozen lake as he told you he loved you for the first time. The third time he brought you to this spot, it was fall, just before you were both set to move back to Vancouver for the upcoming season and he had gotten down on his knee and put a ring on your hand, the same ring that sat securely on your left finger as he held your hand while driving. The last time he brought you here, it was a year ago, to ask you to build a home together, the same home that he thought was finished, but you’d soon be telling him about one more renovation to make.

This time, you asked him to come to this spot, you were the one that was going to change his life that day, and as he pulled back into the familiar place, everything felt calm. You looked over at the man you had fallen in love with all those years ago and subtly ran your hand over your stomach, this was real, it was the love you didn’t think you’d get to find and you got to experience it all with your best friend, every little moment had led to this one right here.

“Yeah, feels like some of that stuff was forever ago, honestly. I mean we’re getting old now, almost 30.” He joked. You just leaned your head into his shoulder a bit, silently agreeing with him. Somehow all of those moments did feel like forever ago, even if in reality it was only five years, not even half of a decade’s worth of moments yet somehow they all felt central to your survival. You couldn’t imagine life without him, and everyday you felt lucky that you never had to.

“I brought you here for a reason, though.” You mumbled as you grabbed your bag. You dug through it for a moment, buying yourself an extra few moments of time before everything would be out in the open. Before he would know what might be the best news he ever heard. You pulled out the envelope, opening it slowly in front of him and handing him the piece of paper.

Brock froze as you handed him the piece a paper. That small piece of paper confirming what you had both been trying for, for months. Months of tears, and negative results that tore your heart out each time you saw them. Months of questions and wondering if this was ever going to happen for you. Months leading up to this moment, where you got to hand him a piece of paper with a positive result on it.

You bit your lip as he scanned over the paper, his eyes welling with tears as he took in the result, your own filling just watching him.

“Are you serious? This is real?” He asked, gesturing to the paper still firmly in his hands. You nodded softly, wiping your eyes a bit. Brock quickly grabbed you, holding his hands steady on both of your cheeks as he pressed his lips to yours, smiling into the kiss. He pulled away, his eyes still glistening with fresh tears as he pressed one hand flush against your stomach, as close as he could get with your puffy parka keeping you warm in the snow.

“I can’t believe it, you’re really serious? We’re having a baby?” You could see the hesitation in his eyes, the concern about getting too excited over something that might not be real. But it was, and you smiled reassuringly as you rested your hand on top of his, nodding slowly at him to confirm what he had just read on that little piece of paper from your doctor.

“Holy shit we’re going to be parents.” He concluded, his eyes wide as he jumped out of the back of the Jeep. He nearly slipped as he landed in the snow, pacing back and forth a bit at the news and continuously mumbling something you couldn’t quite make out about being a dad. You looked out at the frozen lake behind him, snow covering the surrounding trees, the sky grey, and you thought back to all of the moments you had shared with him from this spot. From being young and stupid together, spending summer nights out by the water, to standing in a spot nearby surrounded by all of your close family and friends, with a flower crown secure on your head as you walked down the makeshift aisle and married him all those years ago. Your heart swelled at the memories out here on the lake, and you smiled thinking about how you were going to get to share that in the future with your little one.

[pradaksj]

ghostin || part 2 (finale). (m.)

all rights reserved © pradaksj

↳do not repost, translate, or claim as your own.

❧ summary ⟶  ❝Though I wish he were here instead. Don't want that living in your head, he just comes to visit me when I'm dreaming every now and then. ❞

❧ pairing⟶ seokjin/reader

❧ genre⟶  angst, angst, and angst … did i say angst? + a bit of fluff? friends to lovers.

❧ word count ⟶ 18,000+

❧ warnings ⟶ major character death! sad ending. descriptions of grieving process.

❧ part of the  ⟶ thank u, next series

part 1 || part 2 (final)

“H-He did the right thing,” Jimin stutters, and you were sure he hardly even believed what was coming out of his own mouth,“What he did was selfless,”he declares.

“No he broke my grandma’s heart!” Jia scowls at Jimin, “What a jerk…” she huffs, having been fully engrossed in your story.

“No he’s right,” you say, shocking Jia, “It was an act of complete selflessness and in a sense, I applaud him for being able to do it because God knows I wouldn’t have been able to,” you sigh, “But ask yourself Jimin, in a week from now would you regret it?”

He looks as if he’s about to nod his no, until you add to your question, “How about a year? Maybe two? What about three? Just how sure are you about it?”

He remains silent.

“Tell you what Jimin,” you pause, “Only if you’re one hundred percent sure that you’d have absolutely no and I mean zero regrets about your decision then go ahead and leave,” you say, and he looks at you in a confusing manner, “You heard me, you can get up and leave right now, but,” you add emphasis to the word, “if you have even the slightest bit of a doubt, then all I ask of you is to hear this story till its end.”

Jimin, who by now had grabbed his jacket from the table in preparation to leave, now hesitated. Before you went up to him, he was so sure he wouldn’t regret it… but now after hearing a part of this story of yours… that confidence was long gone. Because if history truly was repeating itself, then he wanted to know the ending to this tale.

And so remaining in his seat, a look of determination covered his face.

“Okay then,” you mutter, ready to continue.

“That night I had cried in that diner for what felt like hours. It wasn’t until the waitress had to tell me that they’d be closing soon that I remembered I was far from Seoul, and so instead I went to my parents’ house and spent the night crying in my mom’s arms. I didn’t tell her right away, but I knew that she had known. Because honestly why else would I cry that hard.

Still though, I kept my mouth shut about it for the week that I slept over there, thinking deep down in my heart that he’d come back and tell me it was all a big mistake. Because if he did, I would’ve forgiven him. Maybe give him the silent treatment for a bit, hell even make him beg a bit, but I would’ve still forgiven him nonetheless.

When I went back to Seoul, I stayed in the same apartment. I paid the same expensive rent despite there only being one person living in there now. I stayed there because every afternoon I’d come back from work with a tiny feeling of hope that when I’d walk in, I’d find him in the kitchen like I always did after work, eating God knows what.

Sadly it never happened....

In the beginning I’d have no problem visiting my parents in their home, that continuous hopeful side in me thinking I’d be able to magically see Jin at his parent’s house. 

In reality the only person I’d occasionally see was his mother, who greeted me the same way she always did, acting as if nothing happened. I’m sure Seokjin must’ve told her through a phone call, but yet like the amazing person she was, she never asked me any questions about it. Never uttered his name around me, instead asking about trivial things like my career and such.

With no update on where Seokjin was, or what he was doing, it was only a matter of time in which I’d realize that things just weren't going to play out like how I imagined them to. The charming prince in my story had truly left.  

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and soon months turned into years. I stopped visiting my parents house as much, and ultimately began to ask them if they could come out to Seoul to visit me rather than the other way around. As going home only served as a reminder for me of what I had lost. No… of what had left me.

And so after about two years of being single, I finally began to date people for the first time in my life, until soon enough I met someone by the name of Seojun. Though it wasn’t exactly love at first sight, it was definitely my first serious relationship since my break up with Seokjin, and slowly I really did fall in love.  

I had successfully forgotten about Seokjin.

At least I thought I did ….

I guess this brings us to where our story begins to end….

1999. 

“My loneliness is killing me,” you whisk the batter of the cake you were making, “and iiiii,” the shiny ring placed on your left ring finger shines even under the kitchen light, “I must confess I still believe,” you pause for a moment, “I still believe,” you horribly sing the ad-lib to Britney Spears’ chart topper of a song, “...Baby One More Time”.

Out of nowhere, the music on the radio is turned down, “I think that’s enough whisking y/n,” your mom chuckles, “any more and you’ll over mix it.” 

Sighing, you follow your mom’s orders.

Today was Christmas, and like every other year, you were spending it at home with your parents. Your fiancé, Seojun, who was out of town to celebrate the holiday with his family as well, would arrive in two days. It was the best compromise the two of you could make, with the agreement that the roles would be reversed for the following year.

Taking out the baked bread she had put in an hour earlier, she immediately sets it down on the cooling rack placed on the table, “You’re going to have to take these to Mrs. Kim right now,” she mentions, while cutting the bread into slices.

Silently, you nod, ignoring the drop in your stomach that you’d feel whenever you had to interact with anything that forced you to remember him. 

Despite you successfully managing to forget about him in terms of your daily life, Kim Seokjin just wasn’t someone you could ever completely forget. No matter how much you wanted to.

Wrapping parchment paper around the pieces, you help your mom tie the cute little pieces of red string around it, her belief of presentation adding to the flavor still ringing true to this day.

She inspects them one more time before placing them into the woven basket decorated with many other Christmas like things, along with the two gifts she bought for the twins, “Make sure you remind her about coming over tomorrow with the kids.”

Nodding, you place your coat on and begin to make your way out, “And tell her I said Merry Christmas!”

Making a motion with your hand that you heard her well, you close the door before she can add anything else.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

“Ah y/n,” Mrs. Kim greets, pulling you in for a hug, “Merry Christmas,” she says.

“Merry Christmas Mrs. Kim,” you smile at her, handing her the basket.

“Come in, come in,” she insists, and reluctantly you do, “I swear everytime I see you it feels like I’m only getting older,” she chuckles, “You don’t want something to drink? Maybe some wine—”

Laughing at her enthusiasm, you say “It’s fine Mrs. Kim,” while looking around the place. She had done an amazing job at decorating this year, not like she never did, “Where’s Mr. Kim?” you ask in curiosity.

“Ah he’s not coming till later, had some paperwork he wanted to finish up at work,” she explains, and you nod in understanding.

“Merry Christmas!” two voices simultaneously yell, and immediately you're met with a giant hug from the two twins.

Eyes widening at how big they had gotten, a smile covers your face, “Now I’m the one who feels like I’m getting old,” you comment, resulting in Mrs. Kim to laugh. 

The two, who had to be at least 13 years old by now, were definitely going through the phases of puberty by now.

Ruffling their hair, you recall how baby-faced they once were, only imagining how different they’d look in a couple years time. 

Minjun, who now sported braces, was the first to speak, “Woah, it feels like we haven’t seen you in forever!”

Yeonha adds on, “Yeah! You’ve gotten so….” she stops herself from continuing, but you know what she wants to say.

“Old,” you finish for her, pretending to be angry by placing your hands on your hips.  

She awkwardly laughs, scratching her neck, a habit she must’ve picked up from her older brother, “Of course not!” she tries to play it off.

“I’m only 25, turning 26 in a couple of weeks if you really wanna be specific, but that doesn’t make me old little lady!” you scold.

She raises her hands to her defense, while Minjun comes to her rescue, “I think the word she was looking for was mature,” he says, “I mean you’re dressed like those office ladies we see on TV,” and you’re unsure if the comparison was supposed to be a good or bad thing, but nevertheless you change the topic, not wanting to fluster them any more than they already were.

“So any gifts you two are wanting this year?” and immediately Yeonha’s face lights up at the question.

Eagerly she nods her head, “I think Santa,” she sends her mom a mischievous look, “is getting me a new beeper this Christmas,” 

Mrs. Kim playfully rolls her eyes.

“Santa heard from a little birdy that your old beeper wasn’t stolen, but got dropped in water,” Mrs. Kim comments, and immediately Yeonha’s face pales.

She turns to her twin brother and smacks him in shoulder, “Hey!” he yelps, “it wasn’t me!” he scowls, “It was probably Jin,” and even by a single utter of his name, you feel your heart begin to race, “I swear, it’s like you purposely forget what you tell him on the phone sometimes,” Minjun continues to ramble on, clearly upset by the accusation of being the snitch.

“I think I should get going,” you suddenly interrupt.

“Oh but you just got here,” Mrs. Kim says, failing to notice why you were suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

“Yeah!” Yeonha adds for support, “Jin’s supposed to get here any second now,” she wiggles her brows, even after all these years, still clearly unaware of the circumstances for your breakup.

Mrs. Kim looks surprised at Yeonha’s sudden announcement, “He was supposed to get here at 8,” she mumbles, a wave of guilt washing over her.

You send her a sympathetic look, knowing that it wasn’t her intention to put you in an uncomfortable position, “I’ll see you all soon, I promise,” you say, and Mrs. Kim now barely notices the ring on your finger. A subtle gasp escaping from her lips.

With your hand on the handle, you begin to open the door, “And Merry Christm—”

Stomach dropping at the sight in front of you, you feel as if a semi-truck had hit you, rendering you at a loss for words, “Y-Y/N?”

The first thing you notice about him is the length of his hair. It seemed as if he had grown it back into the mullet he first had when you met him, only this time it suited the mature aura he seemed to have. 

Dressed in a black turtleneck, matched with black pants and dress shoes, you weren’t sure if you were in shock because he was right in front of you for the first time in nearly 3 years or because of how easy it was for him to get your heart racing.

It was weird really, despite his change in appearance, for some reason even now you were sure that he was still the same old Seokjin you’d always known.

Noting that you’d been staring at him in silence for quite a while, you finally manage to spew something out, “S-Seokjin,” is all you manage to stutter under your breath.

The twins share a troublesome look to one another, “Come on you two, Mom made Pajeon,” Yeonha says, pulling the two of you by your respective hands and forcing you both inside, “We can all eat and catch up,” she smiles wide and big, “I’m sure you two would love that,” she winks.

“I d-don’t,” you attempt to say something, but too flustered for your own good, you remain in shock. 

Glancing at Mrs. Kim, you notice the contemplative look on her face, as if she was debating with herself in terms of what to do.

Making up her mind, she announces, “I’ll get the plates ready,” much to your dread. 

Awkwardly, the two of you are seated across from another, the tension in the room only building as you wait for the food.

“Soooo……” Yeonha breaks the silence that fills the room, “What have you two been up to?” she glances at the two of you, waiting for a response.

Feeling a knot in your stomach, you continue to remain silent. 

It also didn’t help that Seokjin’s gaze had remained on you this whole time. It was as if he was studying you, analyzing you the same way you had done to him. He wanted to see if you had changed.

Feigning a cough, he ultimately speaks. “Shouldn’t you already know Yeonha,” he questions her, “unless you haven’t been listening whenever we talk on the phone…”

Her face reddens, “Of course I have! You just went to Taiwan recently to consult for some business company and do those boring analyses you always do.”

He shakes his head, “Then there’s your answer,” he simply states.

“Business? So he really did end up giving up on his dream ….” you think to yourself, a bit saddened at the fact. A part of you always assumed that Jin had left you to be well on his way to stardom, that when he left you that night, he truly was being the selfish person he claimed he wanted to be.

“Y/N? …” the sound of your name being repeated brings you back to reality.

For a moment you look confused, “I said what about you?” and for the first time since your breakup, both you and Jin make eye contact, easily taking your breath away.

Face reddening, you take a while to respond, “I um—” flustering with your words , you continue, “I’m um— the head writer at the same company I worked at years ago,” you force an awkward smile on your face.

“Oh…” Jin says, “Do you like it over there?” and the question brings you back to that first car ride to the diner when you had just moved to town. His delivery of the question still as blunt as before.

“Um yeah …” you reply, fidgeting with your fingers.

He genuinely smiles, “I’m glad,” he says, “really I am,” he adds for extra comfort.

And before you could say thank you, his mother enters the dining room, the plate of Pajeon in her hand, along with other side dishes, “Here you kids go,” she places the things on the table, “Make sure you eat it while it’s hot,” she warns before making her way back into the kitchen.

It’s only until you grab the piece of Pajeon with your chopsticks that he finally notices it.

He finally notices the shiny diamond ring you sport on your left index finger.

“You’re engaged,” he suddenly announces says , face unreadable.

As if the room wasn’t awkward enough….

Gulping, you nod, “Yeah,” you exhale, “it happened a couple of months ago,” you add.

The two of you stare at each other in silence, “I’m happy for you,” he gives you a small smile. Silently patting his mouth with a napkin, he gets up from his seat, “Well I just came back from a pretty long flight so I’m pretty tired, so I think I’m gonna head upstairs,” he avoids eye contact for a moment, a sign that he was lying, “Jet lag you know?” he awkwardly laughs, “But it was nice seeing you y/n…”

Getting up as well, you decide that it was best you left as well.

“Merry Christmas y/n,” he says one final time before heading up stairs.

“Merry Christmas to you too Seokjin,” you whisper under your breath.

“Since our breakup three years before, Seokjin had never once gone back home for Christmas, which was why I felt so sure that he wouldn’t that year, but of course I was wrong. So when I told my mom she immediately began to panic for me, remembering that she invited Mrs. Kim to come over the next day, and well of course she didn’t want to be rude and rescind her invitation.

And so I told my mom that it was fine. Whether Seokjin decided he wanted to come over or not, I’d be just fine. At least that’s what I tried convincing myself of…”

“Seokjin, we’re going to be headed our way now,” Mrs. Kim yells over the blasting music. God, did Jin feel like a teenager again. “If you change your mind well … we’ll be right next door!”

He hears her footsteps going down the stairs, signalling that she was gone.

Engaged …. You were really engaged ….

The image of the ring on your finger was the only thing that remained in his mind the night before, and it was what was haunting him even now. 

He wasn’t sure what came over him, you were happy, you had found love in someone else just like he’d hoped for years ago. 

He should’ve been ecstatic for you … but he wasn’t.

Several questions pondered in his mind once he saw it. Who was the guy? How did you meet? When were you sure you loved him? Was he treating you better than he ever did? Could he give you the future you always wanted? Just how happy were you?

Sighing, he gets up from bed, not wanting to sulk for any longer. 

He had to do something, anything, for the meanwhile that he was back home to get his mind off of this. And so grabbing his jacket, he prepares to leave, unsure of just how long he could be in the same proximity as you without doing something he’d regret.

The sounds of crickets chirping fills the air, a wine glass in your hand as you look at the stars above in the sky from the comfort of your front porch.

Inside, your parents were talking about the most mundane of things with Jin’s parents, while the kids were busy preoccupying themselves playing with their newly gifted Nintendo 64. And after getting tired of constantly losing to them, here you were, taking a break from the chaos going on inside.

Seojun was arriving tomorrow, from there you’d only be here for the remainder of the weekend and then back home to your apartment in Seoul, as if nothing ever happened. Ever since yesterday, something was eating at you. You just weren’t sure what. And the only thing you could look at to ease your anxiousness was the ring on your finger, a solid reminder that you had a future to look forward to and that the past was buried six feet under.

Taking a gulp of the drink in your hand, you mentally curse Jin. Why did he have to return? Out of all years, this had to be the one he chose to magically come back in? “Damn you Seok—”

“Y/N?” you look up to see the person you were just damning, car keys in hand. It looked as if he was originally planning on going somewhere, but must’ve walked over here once he saw you sitting here by yourself.

“Seokjin,” you say, a mixture of both shock and displeasure evident in your voice.

Relief washes over him when hearing your response because unbeknownst to you, from afar you looked as if you were completely knocked out, a result of the position you were in while you were deeply thinking. Immediately he eyes the wine glass in front of you, everything beginning to make sense.

“You looked um—” shaking his head, he disregards what he was going to say, “Sorry I’ll just get going.”

And maybe it was the wine talking, but rather than keep quiet and watch him leave, you call out to him, “You can—” you hesitate to continue, “You can sit here if you want,” you say, “that’s only if you want to of course, I’m not forcing you to do anything you don’t want to because I’m not exactly physically capable of doing that and—”

Jin interrupts your tipsy rambling by sitting at an appropriate distance from you, a soft chuckle escaping from his lips, “You always did like getting drunk off wine,” he whispers under his breath, a small smile on his lips.

For a while, the two of you remain in silence, simply staring at the view above. That was of course until you asked him a simple question, “Where were you going?” you mumble.

Bringing his attention towards you, his eyes soften, “Just wanted some fresh air,” he simply answers, being completely truthful.

Silently you nod, “Mm that’s good,” you say, your cheeks a soft tinge of red because of the wine.

“So…”

“So…” you mimic him, causing him to playfully roll his eyes.

“How have you been?” he attempts to break the ice, “I realized I didn’t really ask you that yesterday…”

It was funny really, the two of you truly had become strangers in a sense, just like how he said you two would be that night. But in a way, it also made things more interesting, it was as if he was getting the chance to know you for the second time in his life.

“I’ve been..” you hesitate to find the right word, ultimately deciding on the simplest one you knew, “I’ve been good,” you say, “I’m doing something I love, have an apartment I completely adore, and I found someone—” you stop yourself from continuing.

“You found someone you love?” he says for you, and silently you nod, remaining silent for a moment.

“Why did you—” you pause before continuing, “Why did you become a businessman?” you ask, the question having been on your mind since the day before.

Casually, he shrugs, “There was no future in the world of entertainment for me y/n,” he states, “so I went back to college, worked my ass off, and got a degree in financial accounting. From there the job offers came pretty easily and now I’m a traveling business analyst.”

“Did you do it because of your da—”

He’s quick to nod his head no, “I did it for—,” and at the last second he changes what he was originally going to say, “I did it for myself,” and you feel yourself getting angry.

“But it wasn’t what you dreamed of, it wasn’t something you loved!” you unintentionally shout.

“Hey hey hey,” he places a hand on your shoulder, “any louder and the whole neighborhood will hear you,” he attempts to joke around, and you feel your face get redder than it already was.

Letting go of your shoulder, he looks back up to the stars, his voice becoming soft, “The night I told you about wanting to seriously pursue becoming a director, you told me that if I failed, the real question would be if I’d be able to accept it…” your gaze falls on him while he continues to look up into the sky, “At first I wasn’t able to… I was too ashamed to admit to failure, but—” he smiles, “when I finally did, it almost felt liberating. And so I realized sometimes you have to give up the things you love, for a better shot at a future.”

Bullshit.

Complete bullshit.

That’s what you want to say to him.

And so you do.

“That’s complete utter bullshit Seokjin,” you mutter, taking a sip of your drink, “because if it isn’t then that makes you a selfish person, and you’re the farthest thing from selfish. So that’s just bullshit and you know it.”

He laughs, “It is, isn't it?”

Not expecting him to agree, you look at him in shock before grouchily looking away, focusing your gaze on anything but him.

Failing to hear the brief sharp hissing sound of his zipper being pulled down, you suddenly feel the placement of his sweater over your shoulders. You furrow your brows in confusion, “You’re shivering like a chihuahua,” he explains, scratching his neck like he always did whenever he was nervous.

Crossing your arms, you attempt to hide your face which you were sure by now was as red as a tomato. What the hell were you doing? Sitting here talking to your ex boyfriend of 6 years while your fianceé was probably well on his way here… it was wrong, it was inappropriate. So then if you knew that then why did it feel so … you brush the thought off before you could complete it.

“Because he was your friend first and as much as you hate to admit it,  he'll always mean something to you…” you tell yourself, feeling guilty at the thought.

“Y/N?” he says your name, bringing you back to reality.

You look at him, wondering why he said your name out of the blue.

“Do you—” it was now his turn to hesitate, “Do you hate me?” he finally asks, and immediately your mind says no. You could never hate him, even if you wanted to.

He stares at you, anxiously waiting for a response.

“No I don’t.” you simply say, not bothering to elaborate any further, but for Jin that was enough. It was enough to tell him that you still …

“Seojun…” you whisper under your breath, a car pulling into the driveway of your house, a look of surprise on your face. Immediately you push off the jacket from your shoulders, catching Seokjin by surprise.

“So this is who he is…” Jin thinks to himself, watching the handsome man come out of the car, a grin on his face as he locks eyes with you.

Walking towards him, Jin watches as you lovingly greet the man with a kiss to the cheek, the two of you then walking towards him. “Seojun this is Seokjin, his parents are the neighbors,” Seojun offers his hand out, a polite smile on his face, “Seokjin this is Seojun, my fianceé,” the two shake hands. Your past and present finally meeting.

“Seokjin which means to be a great treasure,” Seojun attempts to make small conversation.

“He’s a linguist,” you explain, awkwardly chuckling, noting the fake smile on Seokjin’s face.

“Mm I see,” he mumbles, bitterness in his voice.

“I thought you weren’t coming till tomorrow?” you ask your fianceé, still surprised by his sudden appearance.

He shrugs, “What can I say, I got bored,” he laughs, “So I said my goodbyes early, and decided why not come here to surprise you,” he kisses your forehead, and Jin feels the green eyed monster making its way out.

“Well I should get going,” Jin states.

“You sure?” you widen your eyes at Seojun’s sudden question, “I mean I love your dad y/n but it’d be nice to have someone else to talk to,” he chuckles, “and well I definitely wanna hear about what y/n was like as a teenager from someone who isn’t one of her parents.”

You and Jin both make awkward eye contact, unsure of what to say. “Maybe some other time,” Jin manages to say, “I have to um…” he flusters, “um..”

“Finish typing up that business report you were talking about,” you make an excuse for him.

He snaps his fingers, pretending that that was what he was trying to say, “Mmhmm yeah!” he scratches his neck, “My job just doesn’t want me resting, not even for the holidays, you know how it is...” he adds on, coming for the Actor of the Year award at next year's Oscars.

Seojun surprisingly believes it, “Damn, that’s too bad,” he scratches his chin, a sign that he was thinking of something, “Well are you coming to our engagement party? Maybe we can talk then,” he says, and if your eyes weren’t already wide enough, by now they were well on their way to falling onto the floor. Seojun was just too kind for his own good.

Jin practically chokes on his own spit, “I um—”

Realizing that you probably forgot to invite him, Seojun interrupts before Jin could feel any more embarrassed, “January 12, at the Lotte Hotel in Seoul, 6PM sharp.”

Feeling his face get red, Seokjin nods, “Yeah I’ll be there,” he forces a laugh.

Patting his shoulder, Seojun smiles, “I look forward to talking to you then,” he says, beginning to make his way inside, with you following closely behind, a guilt-ridden look on your face.

Now by himself, Jin silently cursed to himself. Damn him! Seojun wasn’t at all the asshole Seokjin made him out to be in his head. But damn did he want him to be one…. then it’d be much easier to hate the man, and it’d make him much less guilty for what he was planning to do….

“After that night, I’d go to sleep scared. Not because I was in danger in anything, but because I was scared about the feelings I’d repressed for so long now starting to return. I was scared of looking back…”

Patting down your black fitted cocktail dress, you look at yourself in the mirror for a final time, “Everything is going to be just fine,” you whisper to yourself, having cooped yourself in the ladies restroom for quite some time now. 

You couldn’t help it, the moment you saw the twins walk in with Jin’s mother, you knew it was only a matter of time before Jin walked in.

Ever since that Christmas weekend, his sudden return into your life had been eating you alive. You had gotten over him, you were sure of it. No … you are over him. Point. Blank.

This ring you wore on your finger signified that you were over him, that there was a different future to look forward to now. That whatever was meant to be in the past was no longer an option for you now. Right?

The door suddenly opens, “Y/N, there you are!” your mom comes in with an upset look on her face, “the host of the party can’t just disappear whenever she wants to,” she scolds.

Staring at her with a doe eyed look, you want to tell her everything. Everything that you were currently feeling, every question, every doubt that was crossing your mind since Jin’s return. But instead you just look away, making your way out.

“Taiwan huh? I’ve always wanted to visit there,” you hear your future brother-in-law, Hoseok, say. 

He, along with Seojun, Seokjin, and some other guests were currently discussing God knows what in a social circle.

“Y/N,” Seojun calls out to you, a grin on his face.

Immediately you make eye contact with Jin, feeling your every movement being scrutinized under his gaze. 

Sucking it up, you plaster a smile onto your face, reminding yourself that in a couple of hours you’d be in bed, with the only other times you’d have to see Jin being your rehearsal dinner, which was the night before the wedding, and the wedding day itself. And even then he would just have to be another face in the crowd of guests.

Seojun places a kiss to your cheek, “Jin was just talking about his adventures in Taiwan, I’m thinking it might be a good destination for our honeymoon,” he says with genuine excitement in his tone. Oh how naive he was…

“Oh…” is all you can say, struggling to keep the smile on your face, “um yeah, I guess that would be a nice place to go, wouldn’t it?” you attempt to stay engaged with the conversation, and it seemed as if it was enough to fool Seojun because soon he was talking about something else with another guest. 

But clearly it wasn’t enough to fool Jin, as he currently had his gaze fixed on you, occasionally taking a sip out of the glass of whiskey in his hand.

“I think I’m gonna go out and get a breath of fresh air,” you whisper to Seojun’s ear, and silently he nods, distracted by the conversation he was currently having.

Going out, you make sure not to be seen by your mother, knowing that she’d only scold you again for trying to leave. And so like the cowardly person you were, all you could do was hide and wait in the hotel’s little garden, sitting on the stone bench, the smell of the flowers somewhat relaxing you. 

God, did you just want this night to be over already…

“You shouldn’t have come here,” you suddenly say, feeling the presence of someone behind you, but you knew exactly who it was.

“You looked sad,” you hear Jin say, genuine concern in his voice.

You remain silent.

Sighing, he sits next to you, the moonlight framing his face in such a way that he almost looks ethereal. “Originally I wasn’t going to,” he says, understanding the double meaning to your words, for you meant that he shouldn’t have came to this event at all, “But I needed to see it with my own eyes, confirm that it wasn’t just some—”

“What? Some joke?” you scoff, “Some wretched attempt at getting over you…”

Now it was his turn to remain silent.

You shake your head, “3 years Seokjin,” you say, “3 years you were gone and you just had to come back the year I get engaged,” you bitterly chuckle, wishing you had a drink in your hand, “funny how life works huh?”

Silently he nods, agreeing with you, “I guess it was just a natural sense,” he attempts to joke around, but you remain silent, “I’m sorry,” he randomly says and you look at him confused, “For coming back,” he elaborates on the apology, “if I’d known beforehand I wouldn’t have come back to town for both of our sakes,” he chuckles, being completely honest.

“Hand me that,” you motion to the drink in his hand, and without question he does. Taking a giant gulp, you then finally say something, “I’m getting married in 6 months Seokjin,” you remind him of your future fate, “it was going to happen before you came back, and it’s happening even after,” you turn to face him, wanting to make sure he understood that at this very moment you were placing a line between you two, one that you hoped was unbreakable.

He returns to stare, “I know y/n,” he simply responds.

“Do you?” your face twists into a frown, “Because I know you Seokjin and something in my gut is telling me that—”

“Y/N I know,” he repeats, “but just answer one thing for me…” he pauses, contemplating on whether to continue but does so anyway, “Do you really love him?”

And just as you’re about to respond, he interrupts, “But I mean genuinely y/n, enough where you really can picture the rest of your life with him with absolutely no regrets, no what if’s…” he adds.

Could you? You ask yourself. Could you really imagine being with Seojun with no regrets…..

To Jin, your silence was enough of an answer, but before he could get a word in, a voice suddenly interrupts, “Y/N!” Seojun calls out, “There you are,” he exhales a relieved sigh, “We’re about to cut the cake,” he glances at Jin, nodding as a way of saying hello.

“Oh right ...” you get up from the bench, a black cloud hanging over your head, “I’ll see you at the wedding Seokjin,” you look at Jin a final time, the statement ultimately acting as your answer.

“The six months went by in the blink of an eye, but each and every night when I went to bed, it ate me alive. 

The lies I was telling my fianceé, the lies I was telling myself, everything was just becoming too much. 

And as the date loomed closer and closer, it was only getting worse. And so the night before the rehearsal dinner I finally came clean…”

Staring up at the ceiling of your bedroom, you’d become accustomed to the sleepless nights for the last six months, faint lines beginning to form under your eyes. 

In less than 48 hours you’d be a married woman, welcoming a future you’d always wanted. So then why was it now, you still couldn’t get a wink of sleep.

“Wedding jitters?” you hear Seojun whisper beside you, and you find yourself shocked that he was still awake. Usually he was quick to fall asleep, a deep sleeper as well, so to find him awake was pretty unusual.

You remain silent, hoping he’d just fall asleep, but like the caring person he was, he softly nudges you despite knowing that you were ignoring him, “Seojun, go to sleep, it’s late,” you mumble in the darkness, reminding you of a memory from long ago.

“Something’s bothering you,” he says, now turning to face you, and he nudges you a second time, “You know you can tell me anything…” he adds, wanting to reassure you.

This was your chance, your chance to tell him everything before it was too late. It was speak now or forever hold your peace, and so sighing, you position yourself to sit up, turning on the bedside lamp.

“Seojun I haven’t been completely honest with you…” you announce, now avoiding eye contact. “And well you deserve to know the truth because you’re an amazing person who deserves nothing but the bes—”

“Y/N,” he interrupts you, a soft laugh emitting from his lips, “I know Seokjin is your ex, and I know he still loves you,” he drops the bombshell of news on you, and you could’ve sworn you felt your jaw hit the floor.

“W-wait w-w-what?” you manage to breathe out, and it only makes him laugh again.

He now sits up, nodding his head, “I knew the moment you introduced his parents as the neighbors rather than calling him an old friend,” he chuckles, “you were trying to make it seem a little too platonic,” your face squirms, “and well you’re not exactly the best liar,” he pauses, “Plus your mom isn’t exactly a quiet speaker so when I heard her rambling to your dad about the situation, I sorta just knew.”

“T-then why didn’t you call me out on it?” you immediately ask, but before he could respond, you continue to ramble, “God, I’m so sorry Seojun,” tears well up in your eyes, “I love you, I really do,” you say, completely truthful, “but I-I-I—” you struggle to continue.

“But you also love him,” he completes for you, a look of understanding on his face.

Immediately you nod your head no, “No I don’t it’s just—”

“Y/N it’s fine,” he says, grabbing your hand, but you still refuse to admit it.

“No Seojun, you don’t get it. I love you, I do, more than you ever know and I’m ready to start our future together but—” you look away, “as much as I hate to admit it I’m always going to feel something for him because he was my first love,” you whisper the last part, “but you’re my last,” you reaffirm.

Seojun smiles sadly before sighing, “I know, which is why I sorta just let it be that night at the engagement party because well... I figured that if you were able to make it to the aisle without turning back it meant that you truly did love me,” he pauses, “Because even now you have the choice to turn back y/n, you do understand that right? I won’t be mad, I won’t be too sad, and I won’t hate you for it because I understand,” he says and you feel a teardrop fall from your eye, “that night I overheard him ask you if you really loved me and though you didn’t immediately say yes, you also didn’t flat out say no. And so it seems you’re at a crossroad… ” he whispers.

“Seojun…” 

He squeezes your hand, “When you step on that aisle then I’ll have no doubt that you’ve completely unregrettably chosen me,” he says, “and if you don’t then I’ll know you were just never meant to be mine,” he smiles softly.

A silence follows.

“Tomorrow he’s going to the rehearsal dinner, and I’m assuming it’ll act as his hail mary. His final attempt at getting you back,” he suddenly says, “and so it’ll be your time to make a decision … a future with me or a look back at the past with Seokjin,” and he kisses your cheek, his way of saying goodnight before making himself comfortable in bed again, quickly falling asleep, and leaving you in the same sleepless state you were already in before.

He was right, knowing Seokjin tomorrow he was going to do something because you were 100% sure that he would never grow the balls to object to the matrimony in front of everyone. And so as the clock kept ticking, it was only up to you to decide your future.

“The next night came quicker than expected. After all of the guest greetings and pretentious conversations I had to make, it was time for the guests to make a toast. By then I had already made a decision in my mind, I just didn’t expect everything to happen the way it did….

For over the last 50 years I’ve constantly looked back at that night and have asked myself where it went wrong, what could’ve gone differently, what if this, and what if that… as it was never meant to escalate to the point it reached...

But it did … and as much I would love to go back in time and change everything, I can’t. And that’s just something I’ve had to accept, no matter how much it hurts…”

Clink. Clink. Clink.

You eye Jin as he gets up from his seat, his glass of sparkling water in his hand. 

You’d been avoiding him like the plague the whole night, just wanting to get to the wedding day as soon as possible.

You attempt to remain calm. 

He wouldn’t do it, not here in front of everyone. If he really cared for you like you believed him to, then he wouldn’t. 

You knew Jin, and he was the kind of person to pull you to the side or find you alone like at the night of the engagement party in order to tell you something. Never would he stoop so low to do something like this…

Feigning a cough, he speaks, “I want to make this as quick as possible, don’t want to take too much of everyone’s time,” Jin’s mother glances at yours, the two of them unsure of what was going on, “So where do I begin…” Seojun looks at you with an impassive expression, your conversation from the night before coming to fruition, “Ahh I know,” Jin snaps his fingers, “So for anyone who doesn’t know, I actually dated y/n first…”

“Seokjin,” his mother attempts to stop him by harshly whispering his name, but he relents.

“We dated for about 6 years actually, to a point where we sure that we’d spend the rest of our lives together,” he scoffs, “but then I ruined that by breaking up with her,” he reminds you and everyone else around you of the fateful night, “which I know is shitty of me to realize just now how much of a mistake it was. But I mean what are the chances that I come back the year you’re about to get engaged, I mean that has to mean something right?” he rambles, almost as if talking to himself, convincing himself that this was the right thing to do.

Everyone sits in shock of the words spewing out of his mouth, certain that this was only something that happened in movies, never imagining that it could actually happen in real life, “I’m only saying this now because I realize it’d be even more of a dick move of me to object in front of everyone,” he chuckles to himself, “And so I’m doing this now, in front of everyone y/n…” he locks eyes with you, “I’m sorry,” he whispers, “but this is our last chance, a final shot at the future you’ve always wanted... with me.”

The silence in the room was deafening.

Slowly you get up, a heavy feeling weighing down your chest as you clear your throat before speaking, “I know this is a lot to ask but if everyone can get up and momentarily leave the room, I’d really appreciate it,” you announce, “I’d like to talk to my friend privately for a moment,” you look down to Seojun who nods understandingly.

Without question, Seojun begins to lead everyone out, until ultimately it was only you and Seokjin standing by yourselves, a scene all too familiar to you. 

“Y/N…” he begins, but you’re quick to cut him off, your hand placed on your temple.

“Why?” your voice breaks, any emotion you’d been withholding beginning to unravel, “Just why?” is all you’re able to ask.

“Because you don’t love him y/n,” he whispers loud enough for you to hear, and it’s at hearing that, that you feel a shift in mood.

“But I do Seokjin!” you yell, seeing nothing but red now.

Silence momentarily lingers in the air, until you scoff.

“What were you thinking, Seokjin? That you could just come back into my life and I’d welcome you back with open arms?” you ask, tears welling up in your eyes, threatening to fall with every word you got out.

He shakes his head, “No but—” he hesitates, walking closer to you, “what are the chances y/n? What are the chances I come back to town the year you’re getting married—”

“The only reason I’m getting married to someone else is because you left me!” you interrupt him, reminding him of the choice he made years ago.

He looks away, “You don’t get it y/n,” he mumbles under his breath, beginning to grow frustrated.

“What’s there not to get Seokjin?” you push at him, now yelling, “If I hadn’t gone looking for you that night, I would’ve been left with nothing but a goddamn note—”

“I was doing what was best for you!” he yells in return.

“For me?” your voice shakes, “Leaving me at a diner in the middle of the goddamn night with some poor excuse wasn’t the best for me! Leaving me to cry in bed, by myself, for almost 2 years straight wasn’t the best for me! Leaving me, not knowing where the hell you were for almost 3 years wasn’t the best for me!” you finally explode, years and years of anger now revealing itself.

“Everything I had felt, the sadness, the anger, the frustration, everything … was finally being released…”

“I begged for you that night Seokjin, begged!” you emphasize, the tears that had been building up, now falling hysterically.

“I was just trying to do what was best for you,” he says, completely and wholeheartedly honest, because it was true. At the time he really was doing it all for you, and you understood that now, truly you did.

“But I just couldn’t let it go… I was still hurt, and that hurt was what was holding me back. That hurt was what was preventing me from walking out the back door with him, ready to finally start that future with him I always wanted…”

“I didn’t need you to do anything for me!” you yell, “I was a grown woman Seokjin! Capable of making my own decisions, just like I am now!” your heartbeat slows down, “I gave you my heart that night Jin!” your voice cracks, not only feeling your heart break for the second time in your life, but all by the same person, “It was you who left me! Not me, you!”

“Because I didn’t want to hold you back y/n,” his voice breaks, “Because at the time I couldn’t give you the things you wanted.”

“And I told you I didn’t care!” you cry out, “Because for me all that mattered was being by your side…” a silence follows, “You were my first love Seokjin,” you breathe out, “the first boy to make me feel completely and unconditionally loved and so for that I thank you,” you say, “I really do…” you grab his hand, “but this—” you struggle to say the words.

“But this is the end,” a tear falls down from his eye, and you can only stare at him in sadness.

“I’m choosing Seojun, completely and unregrettably,” you whisper, placing a final soft kiss to his cheek, “I’m sorry,” I’m sorry for being unable to let go, is what you want to say.

“So then I should go,” he quietly says, and silently you nod, letting go of his hand in the process.

And he watches you as you walk away, “Y/N,” he says your name for a final time and you turn around, sadness still etched in your face. 

There’s a brief silence before he continues.

“Live—” he hesitates, “Live a life you’ll be proud of,” he reminds you, and to that you send him a small smile. A chapter in your life coming to its end.

“And so the next day was the wedding....” 

“How are you feeling y/n?” your mom comes up to you from behind, practically feeling just as nervous as you were.

You pat down your dress, sighing in the process. Ever since last night, there was a churning feeling in your stomach that had been bothering you, but you reasoned with yourself that it must’ve been due to the events of the night prior, “Nervous but I should be good to go,” you respond, and your mom gives you a smile of reassurance.

Curious to see how many guests had arrived already, you look out the window of the room you were in, which gave a perfect view of the venue. Scanning across, it seemed like everyone was here except… 

“Where’s Mrs. Kim?” you ask, “and the twins?”

After last night’s events, Mrs. Kim had gone up to you frantically apologizing for her son’s behavior, rambling about understanding if you didn’t want her at the wedding anymore, but you were quick to tell her that it was fine. That just because Jin did what he did, didn’t mean you didn’t want her attending. Which was why now seeing her seat empty along with the twins’, you were not only confused but a little hurt.

“Maybe they’re stuck in traffic,” she reasons, “they did leave quite late,” she adds.

Deciding it was best not to dwell on it too much, you push it to the back of your mind, “Let’s get this show on the road,” you ultimately say, ready to get married.

“You have to remember that in the early 2000’s, not everyone had mobile phones yet because of how expensive they were. People were still used to calling a house phone by memory and crossing their fingers that you’d pick up. You couldn’t just send a text message to absolutely anyone whenever something of importance happened…” you explain, your voice beginning to shake, “you couldn’t inform someone of an emergency until God knows when,” a tear falls from your eye, “Because if you could, then—” you let out a heart wrenching sob.

“Grandma?” Jia says in concern.

“Then I would’ve never gone through with that wedding…”

Seokjin was tired, no … he was exhausted. 

God, was he such an idiot. What the hell was he thinking doing that? You were right, did he really think he could just waltz back into your life and everything would just go back what it once was? And to see you cry like that only made him realize even more of what a complete selfish asshole he was.

But at least, you both found closure right? That was all that—

The sound of Seokjin’s car engine making an ugly noise breaks him away from his thoughts. Almost immediately, he pulls over to the side of the road, purposely stopping near a payphone for reference.

Grabbing the flashlight from his compartment box, he gets out of the car and lifts up the hood of the car.

“Hmm...” he hums, nothing seemed wrong. It was probably just his car’s way of saying that it needed to be replaced by a newer model soon. 

He smiles, tapping the hood once he placed it back down. He’s had this thing since his first year in college, it being by his side almost as long as you had been, if not more.

Yawning, he gets back in the car, the need to fall asleep becoming a little too overwhelming. Placing the key back in the keyhole, he turns it in order to turn on the ignition, but to his surprise the car refuses to start, “Come on LadyBug,” he says, the name of the car being something you and him both made up on a drunken whim, it sticking ever since.

Deciding to be stubborn tonight, LadyBug relents. 

Sighing he grabs his Nokia phone from the glove compartment, the giant words of “NO SIGNAL” only making him sigh more. He just wanted to go home and sleep already.

Getting out of the car once more, he walks towards the phone booth, inserts a quarter, and dials the number of his parent’s house phone. As much as he hated to ask for help, desperate times called for desperate measures, and his dad should be home.

“You have reached the voicemail box of 45x-7x8-87xx, please leave a message after the beep. Beeeeeep,” the automated voice instructs.

Seokjin groans, maybe his dad was asleep, “Hey dad, I’m sorta stranded out here with a car that doesn’t seem to want to start and well … I think Mom is still at the rehearsal dinner with the twins,” Seokjin begins to ramble, “She’s probably on her way back home, but you know her,” he chuckles, scratching his neck, “she still refuses to get a mobile phone so there’s really no way of calling her till she gets home,” despite his father not being on the line, he still felt awkward asking him for a favor, “I’m on interstate 6, you know … the usual route to get from Gwacheon to Seoul. Well, I’m gonna try calling someone else just in case you’re asleep… bye,” he hangs up the phone, disappointed that he was going to be stuck here longer than he hoped for.

Who else could he call, hmmm.

Ah! Yoongi! Hell maybe even Taehyung or Namjoon! Though it’d been a while since he last saw them, he was sure they’d be willing to do him the favor.

Quickly dialing their numbers one after another, he’s met with the same automated message of, “We’re sorry, you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this recording in error, please check your number and try your call again.”

“Damn, they probably changed numbers,” Seokjin mumbles to himself, unsure of what to do.

Glancing at the time in his watch, he realizes just how late it was. Who else could he call….

The image of you appears in his mind, but he’s quick to shake his head no. He was the last person who could call to ask for a favor, but damn was your number the only number he had left in his memory. 

And it wasn’t like he could sleep in his car for the night, that was only an invitation to get robbed on the side of the road. 

He needed some kind of help, and quickly at that. And the chances that you were already home were pretty high, never being much of a partier to begin with.

“Fuck it,” he mutters, promising himself that this would be the last time he ever asked you for anything. He could only hope that you still lived in the same apartment….

“We should really start heading back home,” you whisper to Seojun’s ear, the rehearsal dinner having only awkwardly resumed about an hour or two ago. Things were barely beginning to get comfortable again among the guests, not like you could really blame them, they had just witnessed something that looked like it came out of a movie.

“Y/N,” he chuckles, “Have some fun,” he says, as this was probably your 10th time saying this in the last hour, “You deserve it,” he tries to convince you, your whole mood having gone sour since the whole mishap.

Sighing, you look away shyly, “I don’t know Seojun—”

“Come onnnn,” he teases, gently pulling you into a hug, “Just one more hour.”

You roll your eyes, “Hm fine,” you say, easily convinced, “but only one,” you reaffirm.

He nods, “only one.”

“Hello, we are currently either sleeping or—Jin I’m making the message for the voicemail thingy majiggy—” the sound of a high pitched laugh in the background is heard, and Jin remembers how he had been poking fun at you for using your “I mean business” voice, “as I was saying, we are currently either sleeping or at work! Sorry we couldn’t reach your call at this time, but please please please leave a message after the beep and we’ll make sure to get back to you as soon as we can! You ready? Beeeeeep!”

Jin laughs at how silly you sounded, surprised that you hadn’t changed the message in the last 3 years. It probably meant you had no reason to, considering it was pretty rare that you didn’t pick up a phone. 

Meaning maybe you weren’t picking up on purpose….

Jin shakes his head, reminding himself that he was calling on a payphone and that there was no way you could see it was him. It was just self doubt getting to him.

“Hey y/n it’s me um Seokjin,” he awkwardly laughs, “I know I don’t really deserve to be asking you for a favor right now, but um,” he exhales a deep breath, “I’m sorta stranded right now and well I tried calling everyone else I could think of at the top of my head, I swear, but no one picks up,” he wants to make sure you understand that you really were his last option, “I promise that after this it’ll be the last time you see or hear of me, but I’m just really tired and well I just wanna go home and sleep. So if you can, I’ll be on interstate 6 with LadyBug,” he chuckles, “Um …” he’s unsure of how to end the voicemail, “I’ll see you soon then… bye ….”

Sighing, he walks back to his car, deciding he was going to try one more time before officially giving up. Twisting the key, he could only cross his fingers that it’d start up.

Vrooom.

A toothy grin appears on Jin’s face as he childishly celebrates, “Oh thank God,” he whispers to himself, rubbing his eyes and preparing himself for the drive ahead.

“Y/N,” your mom calls out to you from the dance floor, a shock ridden expression on her face, “Y/N!” she yells again, this time grabbing your attention.

“What is it mom?” you ask, unaware of the severity of what she was about to tell you.

“We need to go outside, I—” she seems out of breath, “I need to tell you something,” her voice shakes, and an immediate concern covers your face.

“Right now?” you ask, confused as to what could be so important that she needed to tell you at this very moment, in the middle of your wedding reception.

Silently she nods, leading you outside, her hand intertwined with yours. Your dad, with a solemn expression on his face, follows not too far behind.

“Something’s happened y/n…” she begins, voice wavering, “It’s about Seokjin…”

Inaudible words are spoken. 

And soon you fall to the ground, the shock paralyzing you in such a way that you were sure this had to be some cruel nightmare, the sound of silent muffled sobs escaping your lips and filling the air. 

A tragic story coming to its end.

“He died that night driving,” you hauntingly say, “A car had swerved into the opposite lane, and he was just too tired,” your voice shakes, “He didn’t see it in time,” tears fall down your eyes, “He died that night thinking I didn’t love him when in reality I loved him more than ever before. I was just too prideful to admit it,” you wipe the tears from your cheeks.

Jimin and Jia were at a loss for words, shock running through their veins, their eyes wet with their own tears, “You-You’re lying…” Jimin’s voice breaks, unable to comprehend what you had just told them.

“His mom didn’t get the call from the police until she got home, and even then she immediately rushed to the hospital, clinging onto the tiny bit of hope that he’d be just fine,” you shake your head, lips quivering at the recollection of everything, “She told my mom the next by calling my dad’s travel phone, felt like as a close friend … I deserved to know.”

“Grandma…” Jia says weakly.

“I always ask myself what if I hadn’t agreed to stay that extra hour that night. What if I had gone home like I should’ve and heard that voicemail? Because if I had, I would’ve gone to go get him without even a second thought. But like I said, I’ve just had to accept that what happened happened, and there’s nothing I could do to change that.”

Seojun gently knocks on your bedroom door, dressed in an all black suit, “Y/N…” he softly says your name, “Today’s the funeral… you,” he pauses, “you have to get up…” his voice is gentle, but firm, “You—” he hesitates, “You have to go y/n, you have to say goodbye,” he whispers.

He hears you attempt to muffle your sobs, just like you had been for every night of the last month. But in a room full of utter silence, it was almost impossible not to hear you. 

“Y/N…” he slowly enters the dark room, heart breaking at the sight of you aimlessly staring at the ceiling. Sitting beside you, he begins to gently run his hand through your hair, an effort to comfort you.

But the heartfelt action only makes you sob harder, reminding you of the person you had lost, “I—” you barely croak the words out, “I just want to sleep,” you whisper, because you knew that it was only in your dreams that this wretched reality no longer existed. It was only in your dreams that he still… existed. It was the only time you were truly happy.

But by going to that funeral, it meant coming to face with the reality that everything was indeed real. That Kim Seokjin was truly dead.

“I know you do y/n…” he frowns, “but you have to say goodbye,” he repeats his words from earlier.

Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Didn’t he understand? You didn’t want to say goodbye! You weren’t ready, and you weren’t sure if you were ever going to be.

“I don’t want to,” your voice cracks, face feeling moist because of how much you’d been crying.

“I-I know y/n but—” he’s unsure of what to say. What the hell could he say? You were mourning, you were heartbroken. The man you loved more than the world itself was dead, and there was nothing that could be done about it.

“I have to say goodbye,” you quietly mumble into space, the phrase echoing inside your mind, “I have to say goodbye,” you repeat for a final time, an empty look in your eyes.

The rain pours as you watch the casket get lowered, almost as if grieving itself.

There’s a haunting emptiness in the atmosphere, everyone still in too much shock and disbelief to believe that this was all real.

All you could do was blankly stare at what was in front of you, trying your best to tune out Mrs. Kim’s raw sobs, the sound being too much to bear. 

She had lost her very first born. The child she learned how to nurture, the child whose job was for her to protect, the child who was one of her greatest joys in this world, but most importantly the child she had no doubt loved unconditionally. And so to hear her cry with such a deep hysteria…. it was just too much….

Your mom squeezes your hand tightly, knowing that no words could take away the pain that you were feeling. She had first hand witnessed the love Kim Seokjin had for you, watching it go from a faint crush when you two were teenagers to a love so strong she was once sure it was unbreakable. You were going to get through this dark period in your life, that she was sure of, but the real question was when exactly would you come to accept it.

The clergy makes the final cross motion, ending his eulogy with God knows what because right now everything was just a big blur for you. Because even now with the sight of his casket being lowered six feet under and seeing both his mother and siblings cry like never before, it just didn’t feel real.

Slowly members of his family begin to leave after bidding their final goodbyes, with the occasional number of them stopping to give you their condolences, only making your heart wrench even more. You weren’t his wife, so why were they treating you like some widow? You didn’t deserve their consolation because you didn’t choose him. Like the horrible person you were, you just watched him leave that night. If it weren’t for you—

“Y/N?” a familiar voice interrupts your thoughts.

Turning, you feel your body go cold, “Y-Yoongi?” and beside him were none other than Namjoon and Taehyung, all three of them having tear stained eyes. 

With sad eyes, they give you a small smile, clearly hurting themselves at the loss of their dear friend.

Soon you’re embraced in a hug by them, your body still in disbelief at the sight of them. It had been so long since you’d last seen them, years in fact. Never did you imagine your reunion with them would be here.

“W-we would’ve gotten here sooner but we caught traffic,” Taehyung says with a weak voice, eyes on the verge of spilling more tears.

And for the first time in a month, a small smile appears on your face, “You’re—” you sniffle, “You’re such a bad liar,” and he pulls you in for another hug, this time allowing those tears to fall.

The four of you soon stand in silence, words not having to be exchanged in order to understand what you were all feeling.

Namjoon suddenly speaks, “The last time I saw him was was the day he first came back into town, Christmas,” Yoongi smiles at the memory, all three of them being there, “He stopped by our apartment before going back to his mom’s, said he wanted to say hi,” Joon continues, “even apologized for just disappearing out of nowhere.”

“Tch that idiot,” Yoongi mumbles, “he said the first place he wanted to go was the diner but that they were closed,” Yoongi’s eyes glisten, trying his best not to cry.

“He then promised that for the next time he saw us, he’d to treat us to a meal and some soju,” Taehyung feigns a laugh, “We never got to take him up on it though...” his eyes lower.

“But the thing I’ll remember the most was his horrible attempt at finding out how you were after all those years,” Namjoon shakes his head, a dimpled smile appearing on his face.

Yoongi’s face lights up, remembering just how much he teased Jin that night, “You should’ve seen him,” he chuckles, “Not only were his ears red like how they’d always get but his whole face as well,”  tears fall from Yoongi’s face as he laughs, “He looked like a tomato.”

“Ah and the mullet,” Taehyung reminds them, and soon the clear image of the Jin you’d fallen in love with when you were seventeen appears in your mind.

And for the first time since their appearance, you speak, “He—” you softly chuckle, “He was always convinced he’d bring them back in style,” and the boys feel a sudden sense of happiness in seeing you talk about him.

“Yeah he was—” Namjoon suddenly stops speaking, the boys and him now staring at something behind you.

It was Mrs. Kim, who was now walking towards the four of you, a box in her hands. A solemn smile graces her face.

One by one, she hugs each one of them, turning her attention towards you last, “I was—” she pauses, “I was hoping I could talk to you, privately,” she says, the boys silently nodding and bidding a silent farewell to you, glad to have made you smile, even if it was for a temporary moment.

She leads you to a bench, not too far away from his grave. 

By now the rain had stopped and the sky was now a gloomy shade of gray. 

Placing the box on her lap, for a small moment both of you simply stare at the view in front of you in silence.

You hadn’t talked to her since the night of your rehearsal dinner, not because you didn’t want to, but because looking at her reminded you so much of him. It reminded you of that first day you met him, how she had forced him to show you around town, not knowing that the two of you would be head over heels for one another years down the road. She, along with your mom, had always been your guys’ number one fan, always rooting for the both of you.

“He really did love you,” she stares off into the distance, “up until his very last breath, I’m sure,” she whispers.

You lower your gaze, unable to look at her.

Oddly enough, there was a peaceful aura in the air, both quiet and serene. Just like he would’ve loved it to be. He never did like seeing people cry.

“Whenever he’d come back home to visit, you should’ve seen the way his eyes would light up when he’d talk about you,” she smiles, “always eager to talk about what you were doing with your career,” she fiddles with her wedding ring, “Sungjin would get peeved but Seokjin wouldn’t care,” she chuckles, “he just loved you that much.”

At the mention of his father, only then fo you realize that you hadn’t seen him at all the entire service, “Where’s—” you’re hesitant to ask, not wanting to push boundaries, “Where’s Mr. Kim?” you croak. Yeah, he and Jin didn’t have the best relationship, but did that really matter now? Did any of it matter at this point?

She bitterly smiles, “He’s grieving in his own way,” she says, her voice breaking and her eyes still watery, “Those two had a tough love relationship,” she feigns a laugh, “but—” her voice cracks, “I always secretly knew that Seokjin was Sungjin’s favorite,” she sniffles her tears, “he just wasn’t good at showing it.”

You try your best not to cry, too physically and emotionally exhausted to sob any more. To you, it was just better to be numb than to feel every single emotion heightened, but God was it so hard. Everything just had to be so fucking hard. 

Tightly, you grip the bench with your fingers, biting your lip in effort to suppress your emotions.

Slowly, she begins to open the box, pulling out what seemed to be childhood photos of Jin. 

A genuine smile appears on her face as she begins to show you them, wet tears splashing onto the squared photos, “I—” she stutters, “I wanted you to have these,” she begins to explain, handing some of the photos off to you, “I tried looking for the photos and videos he’d take when you two met but,” she frowns, “but I don’t if he threw them away or—” she begins to ramble, “so I brought you these instead. I’m sorry they’re not of the exact memory you have of him,” she feigns a chuckle, “you know Seokjin,” she scratches the back of her neck, reminding you of exactly where Jin got his mannerisms from, “he never did like taking pictures.”

She flips through more of the photos, “I’m sorry there’s not that many,” her voice shakes, “I just—”

She needed to keep her memories of him too, is what you know she wants to say. 

You notice that she’s also thrown some of Jin’s favorite things in the box, his denim jacket, the original little Mario figure he had always kept on his bed stand and his favorite Mariah Carey album, Daydream.

“I understand Mrs. Kim,” you softly say, “Thank you,” you whisper to her, embracing her in a tight hug.

“I should be the one thanking you,” she says in return. Thank you for loving him, are the unspoken words that linger in the air.

“I should—” you lower your gaze, “I should get going,” you say, feeling as if the world was spinning, your breathing now becoming rapid.

With the cardboard box in your hands, she watches as you hurriedly leave, only hoping that rather than haunt you, things could one day get better for you.

Running as far as you could, you hide behind a pillar. 

It was all too much. 

Everything was just too much.

Finally, silent sobs escape your mouth as you squat against the cement pillar. Grabbing his jacket from the box, you sob into it. 

You just couldn’t let go.

As much as you wanted this all to be some horrible nightmare, you knew deep down it wasn’t. This mind numbing pain was all too real and unbearable for it to be some dream. You weren’t going to be waking up and finding Jin by your bedside, you weren’t going to hear his high pitched laugh ever again, and you weren’t ever going to be able to tell him just how much you still loved him.  

Because Kim Seokjin was never coming back.

Your Jin was never coming back. 

And it was completely all your fault for it. It was all your stupid miserable fault. If only you had—

“Y/N?” Seojun crouches down to face you, genuine concern on his face. “You’re—” he stutters, “You’re gonna get sick standing out here,” he wipes your snotty nose with his suit’s handkerchief.  

Seojun was trying. He was trying to be as supportive as he could, and you understood that, truly you did. But just looking at him was a reminder of your choice because at the end of the day he was the person you chose over—

“It’s going to get dark soon y/n,” he whispers, “I-I think we should get going.”

You stare at him in silence and then turn to face the direction of the grave.

He wanted you to say goodbye.

But you just … you just weren’t ready to.

Because there lied the boy you were once so certain you’d have a future with. The boy who was capable of making you laugh even on gloomy days like this. The one who loved you on your good and bad days. The one who stood in a room full of people just to tell you how much he still loved you, something you knew he was probably so nervous about. 

And so you just couldn’t let go.

But knowing you’d couldn’t stay here forever, you had to do the most humane thing you could possibly do. You had to live on.  

“And so I did, all for him…”

“Yeojin!” you grab your mischievous 4 year old from the waist, stopping her blatant attempt at touching the stove, “What did I say about trying to touch the stove,” you scold her, and all she does is giggle, clearly unaware of the potential consequences of her actions. 

Sadly you couldn’t be too mad, she was still learning right from wrong, but when it came to things like this, it was hard to keep your patience.

Carrying her up the stairs, you continue to scold her, “Remember what I said about it being hot,” you remind her, “you don’t want to end up with your fingers all red, do you?”

She nods her head no, “Of course not mommy.”

“Then,” you sigh, placing your little girl on her bed.

“Daddy said I’m in-de-struct-ible,” she sounds out the new word she’s recently learned, “Like Spiderman!” she mimics the superhero’s web shooting ability, the movie she just saw recently still clearly still in her mind.

“Okay Spiderman, I think it’s time you take a nap,” you say, and she mumbles something inaudible in return, “Hey hey, don’t go giving attitude now little lady,” you hide your smile, “it’s too early for all of that.”

Though not wanting to sleep, she allows you to tuck her in, already planning to get up and play with her toys once you left.

Taking note of her grumpy attitude, you place a kiss on her forehead, gently combing a hand through her hair, “I love you,” you coo.

“I love you too Mommy,” and before you knew it, her eyes were closed, the little girl now “sound asleep”, or at least that’s what you thought.

Sighing, you leave the room, gently closing the door. 

That girl was a handful, most definitely, but she was everything you had in this world. Your symbol to keep moving forward, despite that constant need to look back.

Going down the stairs, you hum Mariah Carey’s new song, “We Belong Together” , the famous singer’s latest comeback single having topped the charts these days.

“When you left I lost a—” the smell of something burning gathers your attention, the intense scent of cooking oil alarming you that something was wrong. Your mind goes back to when you grabbed Yeojin from reaching the stove, her arm clearly outstretched—

Boom!

The kitchen illuminates an intense shade of red, a fire now starting from the stove, “Oh my—” immediately you run up the stairs because despite your mind being in utter chaos, one thing was clear: you had to get Yeojin out of here.

Frantically turning the knob to her door, you come to realize that it’s locked, “Yejin!” you yell.

“Mommy, I’m playing!” she giggles, oblivious to the danger you both were in.

You practically begin to punch the door, “Yejin I need you to open the door!” your breathing becomes heavy, panic now flowing in your veins. Smoke was beginning to reach upstairs, signaling to you that this fire was moving fast, dangerously fast.

Taking a deep breath, you take a couple of steps back from her door, “1..2…” using all your force, you ram into the door, effectively opening it in the process.

Without a second thought you grab Yeojin, wrapping one of her blankets around her body and face, immediately running down the stairs as fast as you possibly could. 

By now the whole entire living room and kitchen were in flames, and you could hear Yeojin begin to whimper, confused as to what was going on.

“Everything’s gonna be okay baby,” you soothe her, your hand regrettably grabbing the door knob.

Immediately you hiss in pain, retracting your hand, “Oh God,” your hand felt as if it was sizzling. 

There was no way you could get to the window, not without risking your daughter’s safety.

Preparing yourself for what you were about to do, you mentally reassure yourself, completely grabbing the door handle and twisting it, withholding the screams you desperately wanted to let out until you were out.  

Running out, you place your daughter on the neighbor's front yard, the family immediately coming to assist you.

By now the whole neighborhood was standing outside their houses, concern and worry evident on their faces, “Oh my God y/n,” your neighbor notices the burn on your hand, “Go grab the kit in the basement!” she instructs her son.

By now, your breathing was erratic, a result of all the smoke you had inhaled, “T-The f-fire de—”

“We’ve already called them, they should be on their way. I’ve called Seojun’s job as well—” she immediately reassures you, “You need to relax y/n,” she tells you, but immediately your mind goes to something inside your house that was irreplaceable.

Mrs. Kim’s box.

Getting up from the lawn, you hear Yeojin call out to you, “Mommy!” she yells as you begin to run back to the house, focused on one thing and one thing only. 

Getting that box.

“Y/N!” your neighbor tries to get you to come back, but by then you were already making your way inside, using your shirt as a cover for both your mouth and nose, a measly attempt at having more time inside the house.

Running up stairs, you barge into your room, immediately looking to the spot in your closet where you always had the box, but to your shocking surprise… it wasn’t there.

“What the…” you mumble to yourself, your lungs beginning to feel heavy again. 

Without a second thought, you begin to ravage the room, knowing your time in here was limited. The fire was going to reach up the stairs at any moment, and once it did, it was over for you.

“What the fuck!” you yell to the empty room, feeling as if you were on the verge of an utter mental breakdown. It had to be here! There was no way you moved it, and Seojun knew better than to touch it. Putting a halt to your search, your eyes widen when you come to realize something.

What the hell was Yeojin playing with?

The Mario figure.

And in the blink of an eye, you run out the room, only to find the hallway now engulfed in flames, making it almost impossible to get into her room, not unless you wanted to burn to death.

“No…” you say under your breath, refusing to believe the box was in there. Your vision was beginning to get hazy and your head was pounding, now unsure if it was because of the fire or if it was because of the state of shock you were in. Tears begin to fall from your eyes as you hear the sound of the firetrucks nearing the house.

“Seokjin…” your voice breaks, realizing that the final things you had to remember him by were now gone. But despite your state of grief, your body knew it had to move on its own. Because by staying here, you’d inevitably die, and he wouldn't want that, not because of something like this.

Lifting up the window in your bedroom, you begin to slowly place your body out, trying your best to work with one hand. The fire was beginning to get to your bedroom, and you simply couldn’t afford to wait for the firemen to come with a ladder.

Sucking the pain up for one final time, you place your injured hand onto the ledge as well, now dangling outside the window, a scream of pain coming out of your mouth.

“Oh my God, Y/N!” you hear Seojun call out to you, “I’m gonna get you help, just hang on!” he yells, immediately running back to the front yard to presumably tell a fireman.

But the pain on your hand was just too much.

You needed to let go.

Even if it meant getting hurt in the process.

And soon you feel the impact of the floor, your arm taking mosting of the hit, most definitely dislocating. The last thing you see being the paramedics.

“Mommy! Mommy! Look what I made for you with all the other kids who were visiting their mommies and daddies!” Yeojin eagerly shows you the scribbling piece of art she created from her car seat, a toothy grin on her face.

“It looks amazing Yeojin,” you feign a smile, trying your best to act normal. Today you had been discharged from the hospital after about 2 weeks of getting your hand and arm treated along with having multiple tests ran because of the amount of smoke you inhaled.

Now, with bandages wrapped around your hand and a heavy cast, which the doctor said would take about two to three months to completely heal, you were on your way to your new (temporary) home. The fire had ravaged absolutely everything, sparing not a single thing in its sight.

It was your fault really, you shouldn't have had the cooking oil so close to the stove, especially without its cap on.

You turned your attention to Seojun, his quietness during the whole car ride not going unnoticed by you. It seemed as if whenever he did talk or laugh, it was unmistakingly fake.

Deciding you weren’t going to press him on it in front of Yeojin, you tell Yeojin to go upstairs to her room once you arrive.

Sighing, you place your things on the dining table, your free arm now feeling sore from its now constant use. 

You attempt to make small conversation with your husband, “The insurance company called me at the hospital, said almost everything was covered…” you bring up, but he remains stoic.

You try again, “Yeojin seems to have made a lot of friends, with the way she was rambl—”

He finally breaks his silence by interrupting you, “Why did you do it...” he mumbles, causing your eyebrows to perk up, “Why did you run back into that fire?” he asks, trying to contain his anger.

You feel your body freeze for a moment before answering, “I told you already, I wanted to get the papers in the sa—”

He’s quick to cut you off, venom in his voice, “Stop lying,” he grits his teeth, “There was—” he shakes his head, “There was only one thing in that house that I’m sure you’d risk your life for Y/N, so let’s stop acting dense here…”

You lower your gaze, silence filling the room.

“You could’ve died y/n,” he whispers, and your silence only peeves him, “Died!” he repeats, wanting you to understand the possible severity of your actions.

Narrowing your gaze, you scoff, “You think I don’t know that,” you spit back, not exactly fond of how he was treating you, as if you weren’t a grown woman capable of understanding the consequences of your actions.

“No I don’t think you do,” he retorts back, “Because if you did then you wouldn’t have ever gone back inside that house to begin with!” his voice becomes louder.

“You’re going to wake her up,” you refer to Yeojin, who was probably taking a nap in her room.

It was now his turn to scoff, “Like you care.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” you growl in return.

“You almost left her without a mother!” he finally yells, “All for that goddamn—” he stops himself midway, unable to finish the sentence.

You glare at him, knowing exactly what he wanted to say, your eyes already getting watery at the thought of it, “Say it,” you challenge him, “Say what you’ve been wanting to say for all these years,” you mutter.

“He’s gone y/n…” he tiredly whispers under his breath, maintaining your gaze, “He’s been gone for 4 years now!” he cries out, and you feel your face twist in anguish.

“Shut up,” you mutter.

“It’s time to accept it y/n, you can’t keep letting him haunting you, you can’t keep being in deni—”

“Just shut up!” you yell but he relents.

“Life has moved on y/n,” his voice breaks, “it’s time that you do too!”

“But I have! Can’t you see?” tears are uncontrollably falling down your face by now, “I stayed with you despite it all!” you scream, now heaving in anger, “I had a kid with you, we bought that big old house you always wanted—”

“And why is that y/n? Why did you stay with me after his death, huh? Why?” he asks you, his questions ringing in your head, making you feel as if you were going insane.

“Because I made a choice that day!” you yell loud enough for your voice to echo across the room, everything coming to a haunting silence, “Because I chose you that night, when I could’ve chosen him,” you cry, “And I can’t bring myself to regret that choice, not anymore at least, because regretting you would mean regretting her!” you glance at the stairs, signalling that you were talking about Yejin, “And I just can’t bring myself to do that. I chose you, and I have to deal with that decision for the rest of my life. I got up from that bed years ago and went on with my life all for you—”

He shakes his head, “No you didn’t…” he frowns, “You didn’t…”

You did it for him.

“Y/N he’s dead…” Seojun repeats, his heart still wrenching for you even years later, “it’s time you let go and begin to live for yourself. Not for him, not for me, not for her, but for you,” he grabs your hand, squeezing it in the process, “It’s time you let go.”

You pull your hand back, refusing to accept it, “I just—” you muster up your tears, “I just wanted to save what was left of him. Because without it he just existed in my memory and—” your voice shakes, “and now he really only does. Because now he’s really gone,” you sob,“ Can-Can you really blame me?” you weakly say.

“I can’t,” he says, “but I also can’t keep doing this anymore,” he murmurs, “I’ve tried y/n, I really have. But I can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped, and I have to prioritize Yeojin first and so I think—” he struggles to continue, “I think we should get a—”

“Divorce,” you scoff, tears still flowing down your face.

He gulps, “I’ve been talking with a lawyer for about a year now, we’d get joint custody, with no need for court because I don’t see us having to make this a longer process than it needs to be.” 

“You’re not taking my daughter away from me,” you clench your teeth. 

“I know I’m not and I wasn’t planning on it because damn it y/n, you’re an amazing mother. Truly, you are. But—” he pauses, “But until you find closure and acceptance then I think—I think she should stay with me for the meanwhile, until you’re ready that is.”

Until you’re ready to let go.

By now you were fully sobbing again because not only were you unable to control your emotions, but because you knew he was right. Ever since Seokjin’s death, he was the one who had to hear you silently cry at night, the one who had to accept that no matter what Seokjin would always be the one dearest to you, and who secretly hoped that with time it’d be something you’d get past.

Had it been anyone else, and you were sure they would’ve left you the day Seokjin passed. But Seojun was different, Seojun understood. But he couldn’t prioritize you anymore, not with Yeojin now in the picture.

You feel his arms wrap themselves around your frame, comforting you for a final time, “I’m sorry, for everything,” he whispers.

“Me too Seojun,” you hum in return, “Me too.”

The smell of the fresh rain hitting the concrete headstones fills your nose as you make your way to the resting place of the person you once loved the most. You hadn’t been here since the funeral, too in denial to ever really visit.

It had been three months since your separation with Seojun, your arm now fully healed. Currently, you were staying at a small apartment near your parent’s house, still unable to bring yourself to stay at their place. Not with the amount of memories it brought on.

The last you’d heard, Mrs. Kim had also moved, and you assumed it was for the same reason you couldn’t bring yourself to go back home. It was just too much.

Placing the red roses on top of the headstone, you make yourself comfortable by sitting on the grass, not caring if it was moist from the rain.

You just wanted to talk to him.

“I’m getting divorced, you know?” you begin, deciding to catch him up on recent events, “Things didn’t seem to work out between me and Seojun,” you chuckle, staring at your now naked ring finger ,“Not that you hadn’t predicted it already.”

Silence.

“We had a daughter together,” you mention the hyper little girl, “Her name is Yeojin, I think you would’ve loved the name,” you say, “She—”already you feel tears beginning to well up in your eyes, “She sorta laughs like you, that same kind of laugh that unintentionally makes everyone around her laugh,” you begin to ramble, “she seems to like Mariah Carey as much as you too, she’s the only artist we’ve noticed that can get Yeojin up and dancing. I’m sure she would’ve loved to dance with you,” tears begin to fall from your eyes.

The soft sprinkles of the rain surprisingly soothe you. 

“God, I’m such a crybaby,” you mumble, remembering how Jin would tease you for your sensitivity to things, “It’s just so hard, you know? Sometimes it still feels like you’ll walk through the door with a VHS movie you just rented in your hand, talking about how excited you are to see it after hearing reviews,” you laugh, “or that you’ll come in the room to tell me to fix your hair after cutting it crookedly.”

You place your hand on his headstone, softly grazing your palm against its rough surface, “You know scientist theorize that there’s possibly billions to an infinite number of parallel universes out there,” you chuckle, “I learned about it in my introductory course to Physics my first year in college, I don’t know if you remember me babbling about it,” you continue, “But it means that there are cosmic patches which are exactly like ours where everything has happened exactly like this one, meaning somewhere out there there’s someone exactly like us, except they have the possibility to do things different. And so... I wonder in which universe did we get our happy ending?” you solemnly ask, “I—”

“Y-Y/N?” a familiar voice says your name from behind, and immediately you turn to face the person.

“Mr-Mr.Kim?” you say in disbelief, as you hadn’t seen the man in years. Not since the final year you were still with Jin. 

You scan his appearance, wrinkles and gray hairs now more prevalent on him, but yet he still looked like the spitting image of his son. He just looked more … tired.

He places the flowers in his hands next to yours, silently taking a seat next to you. You were still staring at him in shock as he was the last person you would’ve expected to see today.

“It’s—It’s been a while,” he says, and originally you were unsure if he was saying it to you or his son, that was until he turned his attention towards you.

Silently, you nod, unsure of what to say, “Yeah,” you mumble.

“Do you often come here?” he asks.

Ashamed, you nod your head no, “This is actually my first time since the funeral,” you confess.

He hums a response, not in a place to judge, “Nothing to be ashamed about little girl, we all have our own ways of grieving and coping with a loss,” and you’re surprised to hear such comforting words from him. In the years you’d known him, you couldn’t recall a time where you had an actual genuine conversation with him. It was depressing that it had to be now.

“Do—” you hesitate, “Do you?” you gulp, “Do you often come here?” you repeat his question. 

Coughing first, he then responds, “Every Friday since his funeral,” his fingers tremble, and you were unsure if was because of his age or because of the topic he was currently talking about, “I do it to catch up with my boy, keep him up to date with the things you young people are doing,” he explains, eyes now glistening, “it’s the least I could do for him,” he mumbles.

A silence follows after.

Feeling bold, you ask him something you’d been curious about for a long time, “Why didn’t you come to the funeral?”

He stares at the headstone, “I—” he sighs, “He was my first born, my first son, my—” he hardens his jaw to prevent himself from crying, “The night it happened he called the house, asking me to go pick him up. I had been tired from work that night, so I went to sleep early,” you feel your heart twist, “If I hadn’t overworked myself that day, I could have picked up that phone call and told him to stay where he was, that I’d be there in no time because at the end of the day he was my son who I loved like no other, even if we had a rocky relationship. He still called his dad for help, and I—” he takes a deep breath in, feeling himself lose control, “I let him down,” he ultimately says, “And so I let the guilt eat me alive, to the point where I felt like I didn’t deserve to go to my son’s funeral.”

You stare at him in silence, understanding exactly what he felt. For you had felt that same guilt all these years.

“I quit my job following his death, and fell into a deep depression like no other. Yerin and I were even close to getting a divorce, the loss of our son adding a strain to our marriage,” he explains, “She had managed to accept and let go of her pain, but for me it was just too much. I couldn’t accept that he was gone,” he pauses, “I just couldn’t let go.” 

A single tear falls from his eye.  

“I was breathing , but no longer was I living,” he continues, “And so I needed to learn how to live for myself. I needed to accept that he was gone. I needed to say goodbye, even if it hurt to do so,” he smiles solemnly to himself, “because once I finally did, it was liberating.”

“And it was in that moment while talking with Mr. Kim that I’d come to realize that in order to start living for myself, that it was time to let go, that it was time to say goodbye.”

Getting up from the grass, you stare at Seokjin’s grave for one final time, for it was time to accept the cruel fate that had been given in this awful tale. One day you’d be back, that you were sure, but for now all that was left for you to say was....

“Goodbye Seokjin,” you whisper, ready to begin again.

Jimin and Jia stare at you in silence, both having dried tears and disbelief written on their faces. This couldn’t be how the story ended, right?

But it was.

“So you really have nothing to remember him by?” Jia asks, and you point to your forehead.

“Sadly all ll I have is this,” you say, “but for me that’s more than enough.”

You turn your attention towards Jimin, “And so here I am, having told you this story in order to teach you that you shouldn’t let your fears get in the way of allowing yourself to be happy, ” you say, “Because then you’ll live a life of nothing but regret,” and immediately he gets up from his seat.

“Where the hell are you—” Jia’s about to ask him something until you raise a finger, signaling to her to let him be.

“I’m-” he stutters, “I’m going to get my girlfriend back,” he breathes out, squeezing past Jia, “T-Thank you Ms. y/l/n. I mean it,” he says, and you only smile in return.

“I should be the one thanking you,” you whisper to yourself, watching as he hurriedly leaves the diner.

Placing money on the table, Jia smiles at you, “Come on Grandma, let’s go home,” she hugs you once you get up, making a new vow to herself to appreciate those around her and never take anything for granted. Just like Jimin had learned, she had to live for herself.

“Finally! I know I told you that you could stay out as long as you wanted but I didn’t think—” Yeojin is interrupted by the embrace of her daughter arm’s. Confused by the sudden act of affection, she narrows her eyes, “If this is some trick into getting your phone little—”

“Shhh,” Jia complains, “I can’t hug my mom?”

Allowing her skepticism to pass, Yeojin returns the hug, “Movie night?” she asks her daughter and immediately she nods.

You smile at the sight, making your way up the stairs and into your room.

Slowly, you crouch under the bed, pulling out a worn out box from under your bed, grabbing a small flash drive out of it in the process.  Placing the now vintage item into the plug-in of your TV, your mind flashes back to that last conversation you had with Mr. Kim. 

“Wait,” Mr. Kim stops you from leaving, pulling something out of his suit’s breast pocket, in what seemed to be a flash drive?

Handing you the small item, you look at him confused, “I found it in his room when we moved, not too long after his passing, I’m guessing he must’ve converted it before breaking that old camera of his and well I always carried it around just in case—” he pauses, “Just in case I ever bumped into you.”

You furrow your brows, why was he telling you this now? Why didn’t he look for you instead? 

As if reading your mind he says, “Because you’ve finally said your goodbye,” he smiles, “watch this when you’re finally allowed to look back. " 

Pressing play, you stare at the screen in front of you.

“Seokjin!” the person behind the camera sighs, “Seokjin!” Mrs. Kim yells again, and the camera begins to shake, presumably because the person was now going down the stairs.

The camera soon pans to the twins, both of them giggling at the cameraman's antics, “Say hiiii,” he cooes. And soon the door he’s recording opens and the camera pans to a 17 year old you, an awkward expression being worn on your face.

“Woah,” he whispers, zooming in on your face.

Your eyes begin to water as you watch the recorded memory.

“Seokjin, but you can call me Jin for short,” he introduces himself, the camera now recording the wall beside him, probably because of how he was carrying it in that moment.

The scene then changes.

“Come on, you know you wanna smileeee,” Jin sings, he closes the camera to your face, ultimately making you smile.

“Well cheers to a new friendship,” Taehyung announces and Jin records you all lifting your hands in the air.

The scene changes again.

“This is her first time eating kongguksu everyone,” Jin announces.

“Who are you even talking to?” you roll your eyes, grabbing the noodles with your chopsticks.

“To the people of the future!”

And you recall how Jin had winked at you that time, causing your crush on him to begin to grow more intense.

Your face gets red as he continues to record you. Taking a slurp of the noodles, you try to cover your face.

“Well what do you think?” he asks.

Your face twists, “Mmmm I don’t know,” you mumble, the taste not exactly being your favorite.

“Boooo!”

You flash him the middle finger.

The scene changes.

“Y/N” the camera begins to move around, and your giggles begin to get louder, “Hand that back to me!” the camera begins to move in an up and down motion, probably because whoever was holding it was running.

Soon the person gets tackled, but not before panning the camera onto Seokjin’s face.

“And the recorder finally gets recorded,” you laugh, and Jin attempts to cover his face, but you’re quick to remove his hands. He awkwardly avoids eye contact, allowing you to record his face.

You feel your breath hitch. It was Jin… the Jin you knew, the Jin you fell in love with. Right there in front of you.

Looking at the camera he quickly makes a kissy face, making you shriek in excitement. “There you have it folks,” you tease him, “Kim Seokjin being the model he is…”

He rolls his eyes, now attempting to reach for the camera.

“Okay okay, that’s enough,” he groans as you relent.

“Smileeee!”

The scene changes for a final time, and you see Jin sitting in his room, facing the camera you presumed he had set up. 

“Hello!” he awkwardly waves to the camera, “If you’re watching this it means one, you’ve been snooping around in this room or two, you’re Y/N.”

You feel your heart skip a beat, and your body going numb.

“Ah I don’t know how to start this,” he chuckles, scratching the back of his neck, “When I first met you, I thought you were really pretty,” he begins, “and I knew I wanted to be your friend! What I didn’t think was going to happen was that I’d end up really really realllyyyy liking you,” he laughs, “I’ve been trying to tell you for some time now,” his voice cracks, and immediately he begins to cough, trying to make himself sound as manly as possible, “So I thought why not tell you the best way I knew how … through film! That way I’ll let this video do all the work for me,” he smiles.

You laugh at how endearing he was.

“Hopefully you like me too because if not then I feel really bad for the future Jin who’s probably attentively watching your reaction and crossing his fingers. I made this collage of memories using the shitty editing programs we have at the school library so sorry if it’s not exactly the best, but …. I hope this is something you can look back on in the future and be glad I recorded, even if you complained all the time.”

Look at him, predicting the future.

“So… I’ll leave it to the future Jin to handle the rest,” he laughs, “Byeeee!” he waves to the camera. His final goodbye.

5 years later.

“Mom, slow down!” Yeojin instructs, worried about how fast you were trying to walk.

“If you can’t keep up with me, an 80 year old lady, then that should be a concern for you, not for me!” you continue with your daily walk, enjoying the spring weather. 

“If you’re not careful you cou—” Yeojin suddenly stops speaking, now having caught up to you. “Mom?” Yeojin asks, concerned as to what you two were staring at with such a shocked expression on your face. Following your gaze, she notices a man staring at you a little girl tugging at his shirt.

“Daddy! I wanna play on the swings!” she pouts at the lack of attention her father was giving her. Immediately you recognize the woman sitting on the bench behind them, remembering her once crying face which was now replaced with a grin as she carried a second (younger) child in her arms.

Slowly the man raises his hand, waving at you with a warm smile on his face.

A single tear falls from your eye as you wave back, your heart swelling at the sight.

And as quick as the moment was, it ended just as fast. As slowly, you began to walk away, while he went on to play with this young daughter. Two strangers crossing paths for a final time. 

“Do you know that man?” Yeojin cluelessly asks, confused about the exchange that just happened in front of her.

You nod your head, a smile still on your face, “No,” you chuckle, “No I don’t,” you ultimately say, continuing with your walk.

a/n: whew ! & that’s the end ! if you’ve made it this far then i want to personally thank you! i don’t really expect this story to get many notes well because it’s sad and well ik i personally don’t normally click on major character death fics haha. if you enjoyed this fic then (if you can) please please please leave a comment/review/like/reblog (whichever works best for you) and you can always hop in my ask box for any questions or comments :) im thinking of making an alternative ending for this one day, maybe after i finish the whole tun series, but we’ll see haha. ill see yall next time ! <3

[talesofesther]

Anchor - Part 9

Five Hargreeves x Reader

Masterlist with the other parts

See part one for important notes

A/N: This part is really sweet, I liked it, and I think it has a reeeally nice flow to it. The idea I initially had for this was entirely different but as I was writing things just happened and it turned out like this. I changed it a couple of times to fit Five's character so I hope it's good enough. If you wanna be added to the tag list, let me know. ♥

Y/N took slow steps into the filthy place. In every sense, this place defined everything she didn't like. Sweaty and rich men were screaming at the top of their lungs, swinging their money around, urging incessantly for the men on the ring to fight to the death, or at least until they're unconscious. The dim light and downright bad structure made everything look even worse. Like the ones fighting were more animals than humans. Y/N felt nothing but uncomfortable here.

It was hard to believe that it was Luther the one on the ring, this didn't feel worthy of him. Or anyone for that matter. The man Luther was fighting with was big, but somehow he still managed to be bigger.

However, he wasn't fighting back. At some point he started to take all the hits, his face starting to become bloody, and he still asked for more.

"What's he doing?" Y/N asked, on edge with the scene unfolding before her.

"I don't know" Five said as he gripped the fence tighter. "Luther are you crazy? Just hit him!"

Everyone was yelling the same thing to him, to fight back. But he didn't, and with one last punch, Luther went flying and landed on the ground. Blood coming out of his mouth, sweat all over his body, but he looked weirdly pleased. That's one scene Y/N would never imagine happening.

Slowly, the people started to leave the horrible place. Everyone seeming equally surprised by the outcome of the fight. Five, Y/N, and Vanya were currently standing outside.

"We need to speak with him" Five insisted, his hands on his pockets while his foot hit the ground anxiously.

"I know Five, but I think everyone has had quite enough for today. Especially him, we can come here first thing tomorrow morning" Y/N tried to reason with him as it was pretty clear that Luther was in no shape to talk right now.

"I agree with her, I have to go back to the farm" Vanya stepped into the conversation. She looked weirdly naive for someone that already caused an apocalypse. Everyone makes mistakes, I guess. Y/N thought.

Five let out a long sigh, he was clearly impatient and not at all happy with the decision. "Alright, fine. First thing tomorrow morning, be here Vanya". Then he turned to Y/N. "Let's go".

_________

It was a little late already, so Elliott's place was dark. Everyone was probably asleep already, so, at the moment, Y/N and Five were the only ones up. She turned on one of the table lamps in the living room, it did a poor job of illuminating the place, but it was all she needed. The darkness did help with calming her nerves anyway. The girl threw herself on the comfy couch and let out a sigh, closing her eyes and enjoying the peace of the moment.

But not a second later, a bright light hit her face, making her frown and let out an annoyed groan. Five had to disturb her peace by turning on the light in the kitchen.

Y/N slowly turned her head to his direction, an unpleasant look on her face. "Why do you have to drink so much coffee?" The girl asked in a lazy and unamused tone.

Five only glanced at her form on the couch and turned his eyes back to his mug, a small smirk on his face.

Scoffing, Y/N turned her head towards the ceiling and muttered "rude".

"This... Can harm you, you know?" The girl got up from the couch and made her way to Five with slow steps. A malicious grin was adorning her slightly parted lips, making Five almost drop his mug.

The boy raised one of his eyebrows at her, shifting from one foot to the other but never looking away from her figure.

"Yeah, high blood pressure. Anxiety. Insomnia. Rapid heart rate. The list goes on" stopping with just a small distance between them, Y/N crossed her arms. Taking the opportunity to eye Five up and down. He was just a little taller than her, his eyebrows always a little frowned in concentration, his soft hair perfectly falling above his eyes, and his knuckles slowly going white while holding the mug. "I'm afraid you're gonna break that if you grip any tighter" Y/N said in a whisper as her gaze lazily moved from his mug to his eyes.

Five let out a nervous chuckle, almost forgetting how to breathe. What is she doing? She's... Different. Were the only things in his confused mind. Her words, the way she was holding herself, her body so close to him. It made him feel uneasy, and yet he wanted her even closer.

"Are you drunk?" Was the only thing he could say without losing his composure.

That made Y/N finally go back to her normal self as she let out a genuine laugh and walked away from him, back to sit on the couch. Apparently very amused with the way she made him feel.

Five sighed as he shook his head at her. This girl. He slowly followed her steps, sitting beside her on the couch, putting a reasonable distance between them. His mug firmly in his hand.

"No. But I am exhausted, which is... Basically the same thing" Y/N said, once Five made himself comfortable beside her.

Five brought his mug to his lips and took a sip, a small smile on his face. "You're weird".

That made Y/N fully turn her body to him, sitting sideways on the couch. She faked an offended expression and said "excuse me sir. Compared to you and your family I'm the definition of normal". Without even finishing, Y/N was already laughing.

Five chuckled and looked down at his lap to his half-empty coffee mug. "Fair enough" he whispered to her. Y/N made him feel incredibly light, free. But his mind always went back to the same place, playing cruel tricks on him. You don't deserve this. It's not real. How would she like someone like you? Those were the thoughts that often came to Five's head whenever he felt like letting her in. Just like now.

It all still hurts so much, and he's not even sure why. He wants her company so badly, and he has it now. So why does it feel like someone is squeezing his chest?

To Five it was nothing but confused emotions. But the truth is that he craves all of this so much. The touch, the conversation, the connection with someone real. That he's terrified that it isn't real, that in the blink of an eye everything will just end and she'll leave. Or worse, die. He felt alone for so long and now she was making him feel cared for, she was giving him everything he craved for so long and he just wanted it to be... Real. But what if this was all in his head and in one wrong movement or word he drove her away?

And it all made Five feel so overwhelmed all of a sudden. His mouth became dry, his throat felt annoyingly tight. That he missed the small tear that scaped his eye and made its way down his cheek.

But Y/N noticed. She noticed how his hands holding the mug started to tremble, how his breathing was fast and shallow, and how his eyes remained on his mug, but his stare was so lost and far away. Y/N was familiar with anxiety and panic attacks, and maybe this wasn't exactly the case here, but it was definitely something along those lines.

So the girl carefully took the mug from his hands and placed it on the coffee table. Then, ever so gently, she sat a little closer to Five. His face looked troubled and his eyes were glossy with tears in them. It broke her heart to see him like this. Y/N slowly brought her hand up and brushed away the one tear that had fallen on his soft cheek.

Her touch made Five finally turn in her direction and be aware of what just happened. He was about to full-on panic because he just cried in front of Y/N. His whole body tensed and he was preparing himself to teleport away or just make a run for it. But then her hand remained there for the next couple of seconds, her thumb lazily caressing his cheek, a kind smile on her lips. And he couldn't bring himself to move a muscle.

Y/N could visibly see the exact moment he came back to reality and realized what happened, and only when she saw that he wasn't going to disappear on her, that she removed her hand from him. She could tell he felt vulnerable right now and it was obvious this wasn't a common feeling for him. The entire way he was portraying himself right now was totally uncharacteristic of him, and Y/N knew that. Hence why he looked like he had seen a ghost. She wasn't going to ask why he was suddenly like this, it wasn't her place to pry.

The living room was still partially dark, making them both feel shielded from the real world.

"Have I ever told you the story about this scar?" Y/N's voice had a very low tone, only for him to hear and to not break the intimate aura of the room. Five's body was still tense, feeling himself lost as he had no idea what to do with himself now. But he looked down at her hand.

Y/N showed him the scar that had hunted her for many years. It wasn't big, it ran from the end of her palm and just some inches past her wrist, and it was clear that it was from being burned.

Her voice remained gentle as she said "I got it from the night that I lost my parents". The girl looked up at Five with a sad smile on her face. He met her eyes as well, his lip would occasionally quiver but his eyes looked more focused already. Y/N's attempt to drive his mind away from whatever it was that was bothering him was working.

"There was a fire in our house, it spread quickly. I was just... A little girl, terrified, I had no idea what was happening." Y/N furrowed her brows as she vaguely remembered that night. Five's attention was almost fully on her again.

"I could hear people arguing, fighting. Then my mom... She found me and told me to run, as fast as I could. I didn't want to leave her, but I did. While I was getting out I... Burned my hand, at the time I was so scared that I didn't even felt it." Now it was her eyes that were filling with tears. But before they could spill, she felt a feather-like touch tracing her scar. The fact that Five was willingly reaching out to her sent a shiver running down Y/N's spine.

Brushing her tears away, she continued "the- the day after, I found out that my parents had died. So, from then on my aunt raised me. Every day I would ask myself the same question 'why didn't my mother run away with me'?" Y/N chuckled. "Guess I'll never know".

She rested her head on the back of the couch, her eyes looking at Five in an adoring way. He looked calmer, which made a small smile come up to her face.

Five gulped. "I'm sorry about that" he said with a wavering voice. He felt ashamed, vulnerable, and confused. But he felt no desire to leave her, on the contrary, he carefully moved his hand down from her wrist and grabbed her hand properly. His grip was unsure, afraid even, but he remained there anyway. His eyes frantically searching her face for any signs of disapproval, but he only found... Affection. That made his eyes water all over again.

"Me too" Y/N said in a barely audible whisper. She gripped his hand tighter, and with a smile, leaned her head down to rest on Five's shoulder. "We'll be okay, Five" with this last whisper, the girl closed her tired eyes and fell into a peaceful sleep.

Five took a shaky breath, wondering what to do. After some seconds of looking around the room and debating with himself whether or not he should be there, he decided to let himself have this one night. His touch-starved body needed this more than he would ever care to admit. His fears and insecurities disappeared for now, and the only thing he could feel was her. Her hand holding his, her body pressed close to him, and her steady breath on his neck. Slowly, he nuzzled his face on her hair. Closing his eyes, more tears fell. He wasn't sure why, he never was, but now he was too tired to think about it.

Five didn't have any nightmares that night.

When Y/N woke up the next day, she was laying in a very uncomfortable position on the couch. Alone. Rubbing her eyes the girl got up and looked around the empty room, the events of last night slowly making their way back to her brain.

The girl made her way to the kitchen to grab herself a glass of water when suddenly a blue light appeared and almost made her drop her glass. "Jesus Five" Y/N muttered while cleaning the drops of water she spilled on herself.

Five didn't expect her to be up already, his breath hitched in his throat at the sight of her. The... Moment they shared last night made him confused about where their relationship stood, it also made him think if he had crossed any boundaries by staying with her for the night. He thought about why she decided to stay with him too, why would she? He clenched and unclenched his fists in his pockets in anxiousness. He felt so much, and he felt that his control was slipping from him more each passing day.

Putting her glass down, Y/N made her way to him. "Did you sleep well?" A small smile making it's way to her face, testing the waters.

Five met her eyes and gulped down his feelings. "We need to go see Luther". And with that, he turned around and left.

Y/N chuckled. Okay, so we're not talking about it.

"Sure" she adjusted her clothes and followed Five outside.

***

Thank you for reading ♥ the next part should be out soon. And if you have any idea about how this story should progress or anything you would like to see in it, please send me an ask or message and I’d be happy to include it. All opinions and feedback are appreciated ♥

Taglist

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[tatooedlaura-blog]

Geometry of a Triangle

I found a few hours of quiet time and what better way to spend them than to revisit that beautiful thing called, “Triangle” ...

It’s a standalone and I’ll be tagging @today-in-fic ...

:)

&&&&&&&&&&

“Oh, brother.”

With that statement, she pushed herself off the bed rail and turned, click-heeling back into the hallway, running into a clump of boss and unwashed boys, “how is he?”

“He’s delusional.” Moving past them, she hit the down button on the elevator when she reached it, “he needs time, rest, and probably another CT scan, which I will schedule for him once I get downstairs.”

The four of them, following like obedient dogs, got on the elevator with her and just as the doors were closing, “damn it. I forgot my keys in there.” Recklessly flinging her arm in between twin metal deathtraps, then stepping out once they’d reopened, “why don’t you guys go and I’ll call you if anything changes?”

Not one to question her, ever, they said their goodbyes and disappeared. Once the elevator had definitely left the floor, she took a deep breath, wondering if collapse against the wall would be appropriate given the amount of stress still choking her system. Why was he always trying to kill her, inadvertently mind you, but still, every time he left his apartment, he put her in panic mode.

She really fucking hated panic mode.

Taking a minute to collect herself while staring out the window at absolutely no view at all, hospital expansion building blocking the view of what was probably a very pretty neighborhood.

Whatever.

She took her time going back to his room, companions not fluttering around her, peppering with questions, irritating her with endless regurgitation, explanation and exaltation of the exploits of her thankfully not drowned partner.

And Skinner just needed to go away in general; she’d kissed him in the elevator and now couldn’t look him in the eye  given mortal embarrassment.

She needed a vacation.

&&&&&&&&&

Finally, many deep breaths later, she was back at his door, numbered 342 in the grand scheme but from her last count, it was hospital room number 206, give or take; she also counted emergency room curtained off areas as rooms so her count might be a little skewed.

Walking back in without knocking, she thought maybe he’d be asleep and she could do her thing and go home to warm bed, fragrant bath, cup of hot chocolate, not necessarily in that order. He wasn’t asleep, however, instead looking up at her, tracking her as she carefully shut the door, turned, crossed her arms, “I was beginning to wonder if you’d be back.”

“I had to get rid of them before I could …” her voice cracked here, tears rushing to the surface, falling freely down her cheeks in under a second.

Mulder tried to get up but was forced back down by gravity and dizziness, so instead, he reached out his hand, “come here. I’m sorry. I hate seeing you cry.”

“If you wouldn’t do such stupid things, maybe I wouldn’t have to cry.” Swiping her face, the torrent already slowing to a trickle, she sniffed hard, “maybe you’re like a puppy. You need a good swat every now and then in order to learn not to put me through this crap.”

Beside his bed by now, he reached his hand out, hooking it in the pocket of her jacket, “I have never intentionally set out to make you cry. I swear.”

Growling at him, she dried her face one last time with her fingers, looking down at him, “did you really say earlier that you loved me? How many drugs are you on, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“You should know. You’re the doc, doc.”

Moving to see his chart again, she zoned in on the narcotics area, perusing then sifting through her memory, “looks like plenty. More than enough to say all kinds of incriminating things.”

Looking at her sheepishly, “did I really say ‘I love you’ though?”

And her heart jumped then sank, bobbed back to the surface and sank again, “you don’t remember?” He looked innocently guilty and she tilted her head at him, “I won’t hold it against you then.”

“Thanks.”

Moving back to his side, she pulled the chair over, slotting her feet in the undercarriage of the bed and settling back, head comfortable after a moment, Mulder’s fingers wiggling in her direction, his discreet invite to hold his hand while they fell asleep.

She both hated and loved their routines.

“I really am sorry I always make you cry.”

“I can’t imagine this life without you, Mulder, such as it is.” Thinking back to all the times she’d cried for him, both inside and out, “I have often wished that my stress levels weren’t congruent to the production of my tear ducts but they are and we have both learned to live with that.”

“I still hate that I make you cry.”

Squeezing his fingers, “go to sleep, Mulder. I’ll see you when you wake up.”

&&&&&&&&

Ten minutes later, she expected him to be deep in dreamland but looking in his direction once she realized she didn’t hear his whistle-snoring nose, she saw his eyes open, staring intently at her, studying form and function of his Scully, “why aren’t you asleep yet?”

“Trying to ignore my headache while I think about a few things.”

Dusk was dropping outside, their room growing dim and soft, her voice quiet across the vast region between them, “what kinds of things?”

“Nazis and Thor’s hammer and shiny red dresses.”

He must be wandering his delusions again and she figured, why not wade in with him, “were the Nazis wearing the red dresses?”

“No, thank God but you were.”

“I was wearing a shiny red dress? How did I look?”

“If I answer that question, you’ll hit me again.”

Maybe she shouldn’t play into his medication after all, “well, why don’t you go to sleep and dream about things and tomorrow, we will get another head scan.”

The side of his face ached from her 1939 clenched fist and deciding to go for broke, given he knew she’d chock up anything he said to drug-addled haze, “your hair was slicked back, pin-curled, perfect even as we ran up and down the halls, thwarting Nazis and trying to find a way to get me home.” Continuing when all she did was tilt her head, listening with both ear and he hoped, heart, “you saved the world in a knee-length dark red dress and heels and,” pinpoint focus on her darkening blue eyes, “you looked more beautiful than I’ve ever deserved to see you.”

Oh, she could so easily be dragged into his delirium … dream … reality …

This was headed to a bad place and she needed to stop the train before she got fully onboard, believing every last word falling from his lips, “I always thought I looked pretty good in my pajama pants and Yosemite Sam t-shirt.”

“That’s my t-shirt, by the way.”

Returning to lightness even as her heart pounded unexpectedly in her chest, “you say yours, I say mine. I keep it. We both win.”

“How do I win?”

Was she really going to say it?

“Because you get to see me in it.”

She said it.

“If I ever find that red dress, Scully, I’m buying it and you’re wearing it and we’re going out on the town to make sure everyone sees you in it. There’ll be so many guys falling at your feet, you won’t know what to do.”

“So, I’ll just stand there and let them swoon?”

“And then you’ll come home with me.”

She felt the blush blooming across her chest and crawling up her face, “you need to go to sleep, Mulder. As both your doctor and your …” she hesitated without understanding why, partner seeming cold, friend seeming inadequate, anything other distinction making her blush even more, “you need to get some sleep, Mulder and so do I.” Standing quickly, squeaking chair legs against tile, “I should probably go. I’ll pick up some clothes for you and bring them back tomorrow when they release you, okay?”

She still hadn’t let go of his hand.

Odd.

In fact, her fingers were firmly joined with his, zippered closed, thumb stroking thumb.

Very odd.

“Hey, Scully,” tugging her hand so she moved towards him, she leaned across the bar of the bed once again.

“Yes?”

“Be with me tonight. Spring me from this place and take me home and hover and feed me meds and check my stitches and just … be with me.”

Another ‘oh, brother’ should have risen up her throat, fallen to his ears but instead, she leaned in even more, “let me go find a doctor.”

&&&&&&&&&&&&

There was finagling and promising and coercion to the highest levels but in the end, she helped him off the elevator and down the hall to his apartment, setting him on the bed, taking in his weary eyes, his pale face, “you look terrible.”

Not able to argue such a valid point, “could you find me something to wear, please? I feel like I’m about to die or at the very least, begin having hallucinations of pink elephants playing poker in the corner.”

Not about to dispute the obvious, pink elephants fairly likely at this point in their day, “can you sit up for a second or do you want to lay down while I find things?”

Hands firmly gripping mattress edge, “I’ve got it. Just don’t leave.”

She’d return to that statement later on but for now, “I’ll be back.”

At the dresser, she pulled out stuff for both of them, missing the Yosemite Sam shirt but happy with her find of ‘Sit on it, Potsie’ black, frayed glory. Soon, she was back beside him, gently pulling his shirt over his head, wincing along with him when she passed the collar over his bruise-darkening eye. Pants weren’t too difficult, Scully holding his arm for balance while he dropped scrubs and pulled up ratty sweatpants, “remind me not to follow any ghosts ships in the near future.”

“No.”

He smiled as best he could but most of his energy and being was wrapped up in desperate need to lay down, go to sleep, rid his head of the terrible pounding that had wedged itself behind his eyes, “did you bring drugs home with you?”

“Several. What color do you want?”

“Rainbow me up, please? My head feels like it’s going to explode.”

Drugs swallowed, Scully changed – he would comment on her shirt at some point in the evening – and after tucking him in, she turned out the light but came back to his side, “I’m going to go sleep out on the couch, okay? Do you need anything?”

Even through pain and wavering reality, “be with me, remember? The couch is too far.” Indicating over his shoulder, eyes already closing for longer and longer intervals, “I have plenty of room behind me, softest mattress in the place, I promise.”

She could seriously just wait two minutes then go out to the couch, he’d never know but Scully being Scully, especially tonight, especially now, especially here, “okay but if you kick me in your sleep, I’m kicking back.”

Slurred, sleepy, “I’ll try not to kiss you in your sleep, promise.”

Nearly correcting him, she instead checked the front door locks one more time, then, incremental debate later, folded back the covers opposite him, sheets cool, pillow shockingly comfortable. She’ll admit it, she may have let out a slight, happy, back of the throat groan when her head sank down into it.

This pillow may have to go the way of Yosemite.

&&&&&&&&&&

Never expecting to fall asleep so quickly, she had no idea she had until she found herself blinking, eyes rolling and lids sticky. Concept of time had disappeared, clock telling her it was after 2 am but mind firmly believing she’d only been asleep for a few minutes. Wondering what had woken her, she turned to her other side, coming face to face with Mulder, still asleep but hand twitching, searching.

He must have touched her back while he moved and taking his wandering fingers, she was surprised when he bought them to his lips, kissing her knuckles, “I should have kissed you again after you hit me.”

Wondering if he was still dreaming, “Mulder?”

His eyes opened suddenly, wide awake like she’d never seen him, “You saved the world and I should have kissed you again.”

“You kissed me?”

Smiling, his eyes closed, drifting back to dreams, “and I want to do it again.”

Still back on the last statement, “you kissed me?” He answered with a deep sigh, sleep capturing the conversation in limbo and driving her forward, 2 am a thing of both beauty and shadow, she maneuvered to get her lips to his, a light brush, a tentative touch, a fleeting taste, “I love you, too, Mulder.”

[frostedfaves]

Umbrella In the Rain

Pairing: Jake Peralta x fem!reader

Summary: Jake being a light in the dark for Reader.

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: implied depression, mentions of trauma

-

A pen tapped lightly on the file in front of me. I looked up to see Rosa settling back into her chair with just a hint of concern resting on her features.

"What's up, Rosa?" I attempted a smile that didn't fully form.

"Are you okay? You look like Boyle when he dropped his sandwich earlier."

"Yeah, just got a little lost in thought there," I forced out a believable chuckle as she raised her eyebrows.

"For the fifth time today?" Her brows dropped again when I sighed. "Look, I'm not saying you have to talk to me or anything because you know I don't do feelings. But I am really good at listening to my friends. When I want to, that is."

This time a real smile broke out. "I know, thank you. I'm just having a bit of trouble concentrating today. I don't think it's anything to worry about."

She nodded and returned her attention to her computer as if the conversation never happened, my shoulders instantly relaxing. Truth be told, I was a little worried. To the outside world, I had no reason to feel like there was a weight on my shoulder. I had a great job working with some of my closest friends and things with Jake only got better with each passing day.

Lately I've been focusing on my past, things that not even Jake knows yet. Cuddling at night with Jake keeps the focus away from them in my dreams, but my conscious brain isn't as easily tricked. I have things I've held onto, things that hurt and only feel heavier when I add on the guilt of not being open with Jake about it. I don't feel that he'd ever leave me for experiencing trauma. If anything, he'd want to be there for me more. But I don't have the heart to invite anyone else to the arms of darkness that welcome me when I'm alone. Especially my ray of sunshine.

Jake was still on a stakeout with Charles by the time I left, so I decided to go to my apartment for the night, quickly texting him when I walked through the door.

I just got home. Please be safe tonight. I love you and I'll see you tomorrow.

Not even a minute later, I received a reply from him.

Sorry I have to work so late tonight, but I guess it's better that you get a break from me so you don't get sick of me! Love you, babe

I cleared the notification after plugging my phone in and turned on Do Not Disturb for the night. I contemplated going to at least make a sandwich for dinner, considering I hadn't eaten since breakfast with Jake. Five minutes later, I found myself in the bed instead, long t-shirt and underwear replacing my work clothes. I couldn't bring myself to care about eating, now that I was alone with so many thoughts.

My alarm went off the next morning, and it took all of my energy to force my eyes open and keep them open. After cutting the blaring sound short, I flipped over onto my back and stared into the ceiling for so long that I forgot why I was even awake. Shit, I have to work.

I picked up my phone again long enough to look at the time, fully aware that thirty minutes had passed. Groaning, I dropped it again as I settled back into the pillows, probably letting another ten minutes or more pass. Without even stopping to think about it, I picked up my phone again and constructed a text to Holt.

I feel awful and can't make it out of bed this morning. Think I should stay home for the day.

I paused with my finger over the send button, reading over the message a few times. Why was I lying to my boss? Just as I was about to erase the words, a little voice reminded me that my paperwork would still be there when I got to work tomorrow, and that I really needed to just lie down and forget the world for a day. So I watched the screen until 'Delivered' popped up, turning off my Do Not Disturb just in case he needed to reach me later. I instantly regretted it when my phone went off with three messages in a row minutes later from Holt, Rosa, and Jake.

Update me on your condition.

Sincerely,

Raymond Holt

Dude I know you're not sick. Am I gonna have to baton whack a confession out of you?

Hey, babe! Holt said you're sick :( Why didn't you tell me? Do you need me to bring anything later? Love you and get some rest!

I let the screen go dark again and turned my back to the phone, wrapping myself up into the covers now that I had no responsibility for the day. A few tears found their way across the bridge of my nose and onto my pillowcase. I simply closed my eyes and hummed 'Funky Cold Medina' to try and keep the incoming thoughts locked outside of my brain.

At some point, I opened my eyes again to the sun shining in a different part of the room. I quickly realized the sound of my apartment door opening woke me up when I heard Jake calling my name and his footsteps heading this way. I buried my face into the pillows and adjusted my breathing right before he gently opened the bedroom door.

"Babe?" I heard him walk around and felt the edge of the bed in front of me dip slightly. A light chuckle fell from his lips as he reached over to tuck some of my extremely ruffled hair behind my ear, rubbing my jawline just under there.

Eventually he stood again and left the room, returning seconds later and bringing a beautiful aroma with him of chicken and spices. I heard pen scratching paper for a second and felt the other side of the bed dip as he leaned over to place a kiss on my forehead.

When I was sure he left, I sat up and rolled over to see a to-go tub of vegetable soup and a box of what I could only guess to be chicken dumplings. My favorite meal from my favorite restaurant.

Before I could even understand why, I'd pulled my legs to my chest and buried my face into my knees as I sobbed louder and louder with each passing minute, not stopping until I was forced to in order to breathe. I gulped big mouthfuls of air, releasing them in rough, shuddering exhales as I attempted to stop the flow of tears with the collar of my t-shirt. I managed to breathe a little more calmly but the tears never stopped. I just let them go on and soak my pillows as I fell sideways onto the mattress.

Through a watery filter I caught a glimpse of the note Jake left. I stretched far enough to grasp the closest corner of the paper and yanked it onto the bed, inhaling deeply because somehow I could smell just a hint of his comforting cologne. I managed to hold in a fresh wave of tears just long enough to read his quickly scribbled words on the page.

Wasn't sure what kind of sick you were but I hope this food helps. I'll be back this evening to help you with whatever you need.

I'd barely reached the final word before I was sobbing again, clutching the note to my chest as my body shook and my heart ached. The more I cried, the more exhausted I felt, and the more I realized that there was no way in the world that I deserved someone like this.

I must've fallen asleep again, because I opened my eyes to a room that no longer held the sun, but a singular ball of light from a nearby lamp. I became aware of the note missing from my hands and Jake's arms around me. When I turned and pushed my face into his hoodie covered chest, he pushed back a little and tilted my face toward his.

I blinked in shock when I noticed his eyes, shining with just a hint of oncoming tears. Unknowingly, I raised my hand to his chest and grabbed a fistful of fabric out of fear.

"Are you okay?" My voice came out faintly and full of crackling from lack of use and the ghost of a smile fell upon his face.

"I should be asking you that," he whispered. He noticed my confused look and continued. "When I got back to work and everyone asked how you were, I told them that I wasn't really sure because you were knocked out when I brought the food. Rosa pulled me aside and told me that she didn't really think you were sick, and that there might be something else going on based on how you were acting before." I tried not to physically react as he searched my face for any signs of that being true. When I didn't give him anything to work with, he continued.

"As much as I didn't want you to be sick, I also didn't want to think that you were going through something alone, especially when I could be here helping you. But then I got here and the food is untouched and my note is soggy from tears and so is your shirt and you were sleeping again and I.."

I closed my eyes as he cut himself off, not wanting to see the tears that were building in his eyes again. Coward move as the one who caused them, but I felt too unstable to face the consequences.

"Baby, please look at me." I forced my eyes to open, nearly sighing in relief at the lack of tears on his cheeks. "Y/N, is there something going on with you? Is it me?"

There it was, my third breakdown of the day. Something about his uncertain tone and the near tears in his eyes were enough to make my own a reality. He coaxed me through it, rubbing my back and kissing my messed up hair as my body shook. He shushed me as I started to cough, reminding me that he was here and that it was okay, and that pulled me from his arms.

"It's not o-okay!" I pushed myself up into a sitting position, looking down at him and trying really hard not to whimper. "I'm pushing you away and all you do is help me anyway when you shouldn't because it's my fault in the first place and—" I cut myself off with a few hiccups and coughs, and he took the opportunity to sit up with me and place his hands on either side of my face.

"Listen to me, Y/N. I love you, okay? I don't care how much you push me away. You're clearly hurting and so I'm gonna be here to help you. I'm not going anywhere so please feel free to talk to me when you're ready."

I took a moment to just look at the man in front of me. I raised a hand and ran it through his curls, dragging the same hand down the side of his face and rested it on his shoulder. My opposite arm met the other one around his neck and tugged him slightly forward, squeezing him into a hug. His arms moved around my waist and rubbed my back as I placed my head on his shoulder. I took a deep breath and started to talk.

I didn't stop until I was done telling him about every violent moment of my childhood year by year and sometimes month by month, aware of his arms tightening around me slightly during certain parts. With each story I told him, I felt my shoulders practically lifting as the straps from my emotional baggage were removed and the weight dropped away. My lungs found it easier to process the air my mouth and nose forced into them, my hands loosening their grip on his hoodie as a sense of security wrapped around us both.

He never once interrupted, and when I finished, he pulled me into a different hold against his chest as he sank into the mattress. He whispered promises into my ear that I knew he'd keep, and I gave him words of trust with my safety in return, as well as assurance that I'd talk to him whenever I felt out of control again.

By the end of the night, Jake helped me find a therapist to call first thing in the morning because—despite his beliefs on therapy—he knew that relying solely on him for my happiness wasn't very healthy no matter how happy he made me. I needed someone who knew more to help me process my emotions so that I wouldn't have such a struggle sharing my mind with him.

I sat there looking into his eyes as I ran my thumb over his jaw, telling him I loved him repeatedly. I wanted to shout it until my throat burned from the force. To make him feel the warmth he sent from the ends of my hair to the tips of my toes every time he was simply there. To be as useful to him as he was to me. To be his umbrella in the rain. He told me that I always was from the moment we met. That he couldn't even see the rain when I was around. I was everything to him, even when I felt like nothing.

Hearing those words filled me like a soothing tea stirred with honey. With his arms around me creating the warmth that kept me sane, I couldn't see the rain either.

[marlmckitten]

Hey are you taking prompts now?? If yes then can you please write a fanfic where sirius gets a panick attack after he leaves his house and marlene only knows how to calm him down and then he confesses his feelings to her for the first time properly??

YES YES YES, I LOVE THIS!

Sirius’ Home

It wasn’t a pretty scene. There was yelling, crying, yelling, throwing of things, cursing and worst of all, admitting feelings that they had always though. Sirius always knew his mother did not love him, he was a disappointment, he wasn’t what they wanted. But he had never heard it completely out loud before. Not in such ferocity. His head was whirling, did that really all just happen? He remembered being so angry he could scream, and then he did. His mother told him he was never welcome there again, he was no child of hers, and he would be better off to the family if he were dead. Then she blasted his portrait of their family tree and he stormed out, slamming the door behind him. He even knew where to go.

Euphemia and Fleamont Potter had told Sirius that he was always welcome with them. He was practically their second son. Sirius often wondered if they understood just how much that meant to him. They could not possibly know. But he was grateful and told them so much whenever he was over. They even said if he needed somewhere to live he could go there, but now actually asking to live there... It felt like a lot. As he walked in the direction of his best friends house, the scene he left hit him. He realized just how final his actions were. That there was no going back. Never. He could never talk to Regulus again. Or his cousins- well he actually could talk to Andromeda again. He was comforted by that thought until he imagined what school would be like when it resumed. Seeing Regulus around. And Narcissa. Not being able to so much as smile at them. Sure, he didn’t always get along with them but they were still his family. Or, they were his family. ‘Not anymore.’ He thought to himself.

His legs stopped moving and his breath shortened. He felt like he couldn’t breath, like everything around him was going dark. He felt hot tears pour down his cheeks and he couldn’t stop it. Everything hurt. His stomach was knotted, his heart felt so heavy like it was going to fall right through him. The young man’s legs collapsed and there he was, half way through a park and he couldn’t even tell if he was on the ground or the grass, nothing mattered. Not his life, not anything.

From a distance, as if the voice was underwater, he heard some words, “Prongs? Mate? What’s going on?” The voice was concerned, he knew that he knew the voice but it wouldn’t register in his mind. James Potter gripped both of Sirius’ shoulders and shook him, he was clearly concerned. “Fuck, Sirius, snap out of it! What’s going on? SOMEONE HELP!” He screamed out, terrified. But Sirius could not even process words. He was aware of himself nodding, but nodding to what?

“I’m- no. I’m fine,” his mouth moved, words came out but he didn’t even recognize his own voice, his breathing continued so rapidly that no oxygen was getting to his lungs. What had he done? How could he have been so stupid? He had nothing now. NOTHING. He was being dramatic and now his mother and father wanted him dead. His brother probably hated him. Hell, even Andromeda wouldn’t want to see him. The air around him felt heavy now.

“Lils!” James Potter screamed, “I dont know what’s happening, he’s just kinda- You okay, mate?” He repeated.

Sirius nodded again, wiping the water out of his eyes, “I just need to .. sit. For a minute,” his fingers grasped the dirt under him, as if feeling the Earth would bring some sort of sense to what was going on.

“Why didn’t you tell me to hurry!” Lily said, aggravated.

“I- what?” James answered, looking from his best friend to his girlfriend.

Lily replied, “I thought you just wanted to get ice cream! That’s what you said, I even waited for Marlene to finish getting ready I didn’t know it was an emergency!” She sat in the dirt beside Sirius, wrapping an arm around him. It was almost comforting. “What happened?”

James seemed to understand what she was saying, “No I was- I mean... I didn’t know he was here, I was coming to meet you and he was here. Must have been on his way over i don’t know-”

“They kicked me out,” Sirius answered, as if he just now realized that they had been talking to or about him. “My parents want me dead. They said never to come back.” Saying the words out loud triggered the reaction again, his heard clenched and he still couldn’t breath. “I can’t breath.”

Then a more relaxed voice came from behind them all, “Oi, what’s going on? Why you all sitting around like that?” This voice registered with Sirius instantly, it was Marlene McKinnon. And the smell of cigarette smoke and cheap vanilla perfume wafted over him, he managed to take in a breath deep enough to actually get some air, he turned and looked at her. The blonde witch had her hair down, combed but still messy. She had a pair of ripped rights and a short leather skirt with a plain black t-shirt half tucked in. Her makeup was a little messy, as if she had slept in it. And her blue eyes reached Sirius’, her groomed eyebrows furrowed, “What’s going on?” She asked again, this time more seriously.

Sirius finally stringed together a coherent sentence. “My mother disowned me.”

“Like- forever?”

“Forever,” he repeated, gulping loudly.

Marlene plopped down with the three of them now and ran her fingers through his hair, “I’m so sorry,” she said quietly and sincerely. “Just, take deep breaths.” For a woman that usually threw a few insults his way and told everyone else to simply fuck off, this was incredibly sweet. And clearly unexpected since Lily and James exchanged a glance but said nothing.

Three deep breaths later, Sirius managed to get a grasp of where he was. He noticed the trees, the empty childrens playground. The dirt that was now covering his clothes and all his friends. “I didn’t mean- Not forever,” he said, and a sob he didn’t expect emitted loudly.

Marlene put her arms around him and hugged him closely to her, “It’s okay,” she said, “They’re your family, I understand.”

Of course, there was no way she fully understood, but he did need to just let the emotions through him. He wasn’t used to reacting so emotionally to things, but this was a special occasion. A day he surely would never forget.

James and Lily were realizing that they were having no effect and eventually backed off, leaving her to comfort him. The pair stayed in the dirt, her arms wrapped comfortingly around him while he breathed, and cried and smelled her, letting himself drift back to reality. He repeated himself a few times, how his mother hated him. How he could never see Regulus again. And how he was sorry.

Marlene kept telling him it was fine. He had nothing to apologize for, she could not imagine what this felt like.

An hour passed and James and Lily returned, holding ice cream out for both of them. “Thought this might help?” James offered hopefully.

At last, Sirius smiled, pulled himself away from Marlene and took the ice cream. The cold, sweet treat made him realize how hungry he was. Having a full emotional breakdown was exhausting. He said so, they all managed a chuckle and went to get some real food.

Each of them kept an eye on Sirius, but he seemed to be recovered from his panic attack. None of them judged it for him, or even mentioned it. At one point James assumed, “You’ll be sleeping at my place then?” And Marlene grinned announcing they’d all be having a sleepover at James’. Lily reminded her, that she had just spent two nights at Lily’s and had to go home eventually, but she waved Lily off claiming that today was a big day. Sirius officially had a new family and they were going to have a family night. This made Sirius’ entire face light up and soon enough, James was writing to Peter and Remus to come over as soon as they got the owls as well.

Of course, they did. And all six friends had a great night, eating snacks, telling stories and sneaking some firewhiskey from James’ parents. Until one by one everyone was asleep.

“Marls?”

“Sirius?”

“You asleep?”

“Obviously not.”

“Follow me.”

Sirius had not fallen asleep, he hadn’t been able to. Something had dawned on him today, and he had to act on it. Marlene was almost asleep when Sirius called, but she figured today wasn’t a day to throw a pillow at him and tell him to shut the fuck up. So when his dark body moved and slipped out the door, she followed.

Neither of them spoke, he did not tell her what he was doing as he began climbing his way onto the Potter’s rooftop. And she did not ask. Then he settled, leaning back and looking at the stars, she watched him and did the same. It was still silent except for the sound of owl’s hunting and the wind in the trees.

“So... are you gonna murder me or what?” Marlene finally broke the silence.

He turned his head, “I wanted to talk to you.”

“Uh-huh?”

“I... If I say something and I’m being ridiculous can you promise me to never talk about it again?”

She smiled, “Depends how dumb it is.”

The pureblood rolled his eyes and lightly hit her leg, “I’m being serious!”

“I thought you were always Sirius.” She chuckled, it was a joke he often made himself, she couldn’t resist being the one to make it. He exhaled loudly and looked back up to the stars. She frowned, “Okay, sorry. What is it?”

“No, it’s dumb.”

“It’s not,” she assured him, “I was just being a dick, what’s up?”

He was actually in disbelief. He never had troubles with things like this before. But today seemed full of firsts, he looked at her again, and this time she looked back. If you asked Sirius, he thought her eyes were a thousand times more beautiful than all the stars in the sky. But he wasn’t about to say so. He opened his mouth, then closed it, looked up then back at her. Her perfect blue eyes were still focussed on him. Then she reached her hand out and and gasped it around his. He paused, before tightening his fingers around hers. He moved, ever so slightly, to be closer to her. Marlene followed suite. They did this for a while until there was only a few inches between them. She licked her lips, and blinked. He held his breath, bit his lip and finally told himself to just say it, “I really like you Marls. In more than a friends kinda way.” He expected her to laugh, make fun, push him away, something to that accord. But not roll her eyes, that was just hurtful! “Hey! I’m not that bad, I know you could do better but I don’t deserve an EYE ROLL!”

Her brows furrowed and then she laughed, he was even more angry now. He tried to sit up to tell her, but as he did so, she pulled him down and instinctively he crashed his lips down on hers, he had nothing else to lose. But much to his surprise, she kissed him back, her spare hand, held his cheek, keeping him in place as her lips parted and let his tongue in to explore her mouth. He let out a soft moan at the sensation of snogging Marlene McKinnon and his hand caressed her cheek, her neck, her side, and then played with the hem of her shirt, she pulled him closer and he took it as a sign. Before he knew it, his hand was under her shirt, she must have taken her bra off when they were getting ready for bed and his fingers were pleased to feel her bare breasts, her nipples hard with excitement, or from cold, but he chose to believe it was from him.

What felt like an eternity later, he pulled away from her, hand still cupping her perfect breast and eyes looking meaningfully into hers. She smiled, “I only rolled my eyes cause I thought you were gonna kiss me, not get all lovey dovey with words.”

“Yeah I should have done that instead.” He agreed, giving her breast a little squeeze.

“I’m not having sex with you tonight.” Disappointment must have been evident in his face but he removed his hand from her shirt, and instead ran his fingers through her hair, “Not cause I don’t think you’re hot and probably a great shag but... I just don’t wanna be another girl who gets a night or two with the infamous Sirius Black.”

“You’re not,” he assured her, “I’ve had my eye on you for the last year, I just thought you’d never be interested.”

She smiled and pecked his lips again, “Well I am.”

“I got that.”

“But I want a proper date.”

“The rooftop and some stars isn’t good enough?”

She giggled, “Proper. I gotta go home tomorrow. And you have to move into your new room here properly, but the next day I’ll be free.”

“And we can have sex?” He winked.

Playfully, she slapped him off of her, sitting up herself. “Depends on how good the date is. I want flowers, a nice dinner, the whole thing!”

“I don’t know how to do all that,” he said defensively, following her as she started their route back onto the ground.

“Well, it’s a good thing your new brother does.”

That statement warmed Sirius more than anything else could have. His new brother? He hadn’t thought of it that way. This morning he was the next Black heir. Miserable, doomed to a loveless marriage and a life he would hate. Now he had the funnest brother in the world and a date with a woman who possibly was the love of his life. He grinned, grabbed Marlene and kissed her one more time, before they snuck back into the house, his house. Foe the first time in his life a place he may even call his home.

[goodwriterwithbadhabits]

Crimson and Ivory

Master List

Warnings: HanahakiAU, sadness, death, infighting

~~

Jackson Wang was many things, a songwriter, a model, a singer, but he wasn’t an idiot, he wasn’t oblivious, and he wasn’t dense. Jackson had a bad habit of noticing things, and right now all he could notice was the absence of things, flowers, pictures, you. 

Your absence, he knew, was the whole point of today, but the fact that no flowers could be found in the church, nor could any selfies of the two of you. Instead, your casket was decorated with only a picture of you and a stuffed Squirtle, your favorite stuffie, and one that Jackson had purchased.

He knew there were many things you hadn’t told him before your sudden death, primarily the reason you were in the hospital, but he knew you had always loved flowers. You had the same favorite flower as Jackson, Japanese Anemones, beautiful white buds, but there were no flowers, no buds, anywhere. There hadn’t been any in your hospital room either, the one bouquet he had brought you having been gotten rid of in the time he wasn’t with you. 

Im Jaebeom hated few things, you had always told him hate was too powerful to waste on petty things, but right now, JB wanted nothing more than to be petty. He hated the way the sun shone through the windows, lighting up your picture, reminding him that you weren’t going to be able to share this beautiful day with him. He hated that you weren’t here, standing next to him, cracking jokes and trying to make him laugh during something that should be serious. Mostly, he found himself hating one of his own, someone that a few months ago he considered a brother, someone you had loved so unconditionally you had died for him. 

He hated Jackson Wang. 

He hated how stupid his friend could be. He hated his humility, the fact he couldn’t tell when someone loved him, even if they told him to his face. He hated that he was so lovable. 

Jackson didn’t know what had killed you, he knew you had been in the hospital for months, knew you were sick and weren’t getting any better, and JB hated him for that. 

When the funeral was over, and the other guests had left, making their way from the cemetery back to their homes to weep in private, JB and his bandmates made their way back to the church, the flowerless church, and it was there the younger boys finally allowed themselves to weep. Yugyeom was sat in the front row, his sobs being the only sounds echoing in the room. Bambam was next to him, face hidden in his friend’s shoulder as he too, cried. Mark had made his way to the back of the room, head thrown back as he stared up at the vaulted ceiling. For a long time, the boys allowed each other to mourn, to remember their friend, the person that had made them so happy over the years. The person who translated, who guided them in unfamiliar places, the world traveler they had somehow befriended. 

JB wasn’t sure who this hurt worst of all. Was it Mark, the first friend you had made, all the way back in LA? Was it Bambam, or Yugyeom, the boys you had adopted and cared for as though they were your own little brothers? Maybe it was Jinyoung, though he stood silently by the church’s back door, he had been one of the first people to find out about your sickness. 

The thoughts that clouded his head quickly dissipated when Jackson’s hand smacked onto the dais you had rested on a few hours prior. 

“Jackson, what the hell?” Jinyoung asked tiredly, obviously not wanting to deal with whatever was about to go down. 

“This doesn’t make sense to me.” Jackson exploded. “They said they were getting better, that they were going to be fine.” 

“They lied.” JB sighed. All eyes turned to him, and JB knew he probably shouldn’t have said anything but he was too emotionally drained to care. 

“Why would they lie to me? They were my friend.” JB couldn’t bring himself to answer, instead only scoffing and looking away.

Jinyoung prided himself on being the calm one, the collected one, the one considered the maturest, but right now, he was wishing he was one of the younger boys. He didn’t want to be the one to explain everything to Jackson. 

“Jackson, it was more complicated than that.” He sighed, walking up the aisle towards the older man. Mark had finally brought himself back into reality, red-rimmed eyes focusing on Jackson. 

“They were sick, they didn’t know if they would get better. They just hoped.” Jinyoung explained, and JB scoffed again. “Jaebeom, not now.” 

“They never even told me what made them sick.” Jackson retorted, and the other boys exchanged looks, only a few of them knowing the truth behind your death.

“Well Jackson, do you want us to be honest with you, or poetic?” JB asked, leaning on the doorframe of the open side door. The confusion on Jackson’s face was obvious, but it pissed JB off more. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“She was lovesick.” Jinyoung sighed. 

“Hanahaki?” Fresh tears erupted in Jackson’s eyes, and JB had never wanted to slap someone more. “But who-”

“You.” Mark’s voice echoed off the walls, reverberating in the small room. The three youngest boys let out quiet gasps, having been unaware. 

“Me?” 

“Yes, you, Jackson.” JB knew he was too angry, knew he was going to hurt Jackson, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop. “Y/n was in love with you, and you were too stupid to see it. They tried, constantly to tell you. You even had the audacity to bring that stupid bitch to see her.”

“You can yell at me but don’t bring Kiara into this,” Jackson warned.

“Or what? What will you do Jackson? Gonna hit me? Gonna yell at me?” JB stepped forward, ready to throw hands with his bandmate. “You think you’re the only person who cared about them? We all lost someone, and you, you’re the one who killed them. You were the one too stupid to love them back and now they’re gone. They swore, every day they’d get over you, or that you would realize you loved them back, but no. You were too stupid and too perfect. This” JB gestured to the church, to the weeping boys, “All of this, is on you.” 

“Im Jaebeom.” Jinyoung chastised. “That’s enough.” The room was silent, tears cascaded down everyone’s cheeks. 

“Jackson I think you should go home.” Mark finally broke the silence. 

“Don’t worry, I’m already leaving.” JB paused, pulling a folded paper from his pocket. “For good.” He tossed the page onto the dais, before spinning on his heel and walking out the door. No one moved for a moment, until Mark finally stood, his shoes echoing in the hall as he moved to the front. He picked up the page, reading it before simply nodding and setting it back down. 

“He’s already talked to JYP, he’s leaving the band.” He finally managed to croak. 

“He’s not the only one.” Jinyoung sighed, pulling a similar paper out of his own pocket. “I was going to wait a few more days to break the news. I’ve been offered a multi-movie deal. I found out the day before they died.” He set the paper next to JBs. “We decided it would be better for me to leave, so I wouldn’t interrupt future promotions.” 

“So you’re both leaving?” Bambam asked, sorrow clouding his voice. “So we lose our friend and you both leave? What is that going to solve?” 

“Bam, it’s not just them. I was offered a spot as an instructor on Hit The Stage.” Yugyeom’s quiet words made Bambam look at him in shock. 

“You’re leaving too?” 

“I hadn’t decided, I got the news right before,” He sighs, “I’m sorry Bam, but our leader and Jinyoung, it’s not Got7 without them.” 

“It really isn’t” Youngjae finally interrupts, dropping a paper of his own on the dais and leaving without another word. It’s silent for a few moments as each boy takes in what is happening. 

“I’ll be swinging by the dorms to pick up my things in a few days, goodbye.” Jinyoung bows to them before following JB out the side door. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” Jackson confesses quietly. 

“I’m sorry too, Jackson hyung.” Yugyeom sighs, “Come on Bam, let's go get Coco and the kids, yeah?” Jackson watches the youngest two leave, heart heavy. 

“Are you gonna leave too?” He asks Mark, who only sighs, turning to lean on the dais. 

“Did you really not see it? JB, Jinyoung, and I, we figured it out. They never told us.” 

“But isn’t there a surgery? They could have lived couldn’t they?” Jackson’s question is crushed under Mark’s heel when he shakes his head. 

“Y/n knew their options. They loved you so much they couldn’t bear the thought of not being able to love you.” Jackson lets out a broken laugh, collapsing into a chair. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He glances up at the older man who only shakes his head. 

“Y/n ordered us not to. Made us swear on our mothers.”

It’s quiet for a long time, neither boy sure what to say.

“So what now? Are you leaving too?”

“I’m going to go home for a while.” Mark begins. “Go back to LA, and mourn with our friends from there. And I’m going to ignore you, calls texts, anything. I really don’t want to see you. Then maybe, I’ll come back.”

“So this is really the end of Got7, our friendship, everything we built?”

“Got7 will exist in the albums we already put out, in Kpop history, but yeah, this is the end.” Mark stands up fully, finally looking at Jackson. “I really hope Kiara makes you happy, but don’t invite me to the wedding.” And with that, Jackson finds himself alone in the church.

Outside, Jinyoung finds JB leaning on his car, toying with a handkerchief, the blue one you had bought him. 

“Youngjae is leaving too, I didn’t think he’d be the one to go.” He greets, leaning on the car next to him. 

“Yeah, Yugyeom told me he was debating leaving, too.” They stand quietly a moment, watching Mark leave the church alone. “He’s probably leaving too.” 

“Wouldn’t be shocked.” Jinyoung lets out a harsh cough, grimacing into his hand when he thinks JB can’t see. 

“So, do you want to talk about the real reason you’re so broken about this?” He prompts, but Jinyoung only shakes his head, feigning confusion. 

“They were a good friend.” He sighs. JB doesn’t say anything, only reaches into his jacket pocket, producing a white petal with flecks of red splattered across it. 

“I recognize the signs, like looking in a mirror.” Jinyoung sighs in defeat, opening his hand and letting the petals blow away in the breeze. 

“Y/n?” JB nods, looking back at the church. 

“How could he not love them?” He sighs and glances over at Jinyoung. “Are you leaving?”

“Yeah, I accepted the role, I leave for Switzerland for filming in a few weeks, and I’ve already got an apartment lined up.”

“You’re welcome to stay with me for now. I have a spare room.” 

“I’ll think about it. What about you? What are you gonna do?” 

“I’m thinking of Germany, it’s beautiful there. Maybe focus on my own music.” 

“Sounds boring.” 

“Oh and Switzerland isn’t?” JB jokes. “Come on, I’ll give you a ride home.”

[nctwd127]

Arranged Marriage.

Chapter Ten.

Warning: Smut

Word Count: 3525 

(Also let me know what you think of Lucas so far, I’d love to hear thoughts about him. Feel free to leave comments or questions as well, in my ask or inbox.)

After my plea of wanting more, it wasn’t long before his hand slipped past the waist band of my panties, tracing circles over my bundles of nerves. He groaned into the kiss feeling the wetness he had created. He ran his fingers through my slick folds before he pushed two fingers in.

Pulling away from the kiss, I cursed at the feeling of having his fingers invade me. He kept a steady pace as he left kisses down to my neck. Leaving hues of purple on my skin that marked me as his own.

If only he knew he’d done so, so many times before.

“Does it feel good?” Yuta teased picking up his pace, letting his fingers curl into my sweet spot. There were no words that I could think of so I nodded, holding onto his shoulders tighter. Moans and heavy breath were the only sounds that left me.

He looked at the marks he left on my delicate skin before he came up to my face again, watching my face twist in pleasure, pleasure he was giving me for the first time. At least what he thought was the first time.

Seeing my face like this, gave him a sense of nostalgia but he wasn’t sure what it was so he pushed the feeling away.

The fire that grew in the pit of my stomach was ready to burst when he started to rub his thumb over my clit. I bite into his shoulder to keep from shouting his name, he hissed at the sudden sting. “I’m close Yuta, please.”

“Whatever you want princess.” He dug his fingers as deep as he could and curled them, he felt my walls pulsate around his fingers. He smirked to himself as he looked down watching his fingers disappear in me. With a little added pressure on my nerves, I became undone under him, his name leaving my lips in hushed whispers like it was forbidden.

The movie we were watching played in the background but I was no longer interested as I watched her sleep on my chest, her face relaxed and peaceful. Wondering to myself what she was dreaming about.

(Y/N) held my heart in the palm of her hand. She’s everything I ever wanted and I can’t believe that she’s mine, all mine. She deserves the world and I can’t wait to be the one that gives it to her.

She snuggled into me more before she mumbled my name, a smile creeping onto her face. My stomach exploded with butterflies because even her dreams she still was still with me.

“You’re my everything princess.” I whispered into her hair pulling her impossibly closer to me.

~Unclear at what he just saw, he ignored the way his heart warmed and pushed it away as a figment of his imagination. Convinced it was something that occurred because of the circumstances they were in this very moment. ~

Yuta kept his fingers moving helping me ride out my high until I stopped shaking. He took his fingers out and like a reflex, he brought them up to his lips. He licked them clean savoring the taste of me, his eyes never leaving mine.

“You taste so good.” He praised letting his fingers go with a pop. He gave me longing look before kissing me again.

Somehow Yuta had managed to flip us over and now I was straddling him. Never breaking the kiss, I started to move myself on him, I felt him get hard beneath me. His hands landed on my waist, moving me to his liking. He pulled away from the kiss with a hiss.

“Fuck princess, keep this up and I’ll make my dream come true.”

At the mention of the word dream, I was brought back to my cold reality. It wasn’t a dream. He had gotten a memory from the time we were together. He just couldn’t understand it. And I didn’t want him too.

Without having to think about it twice, I abruptly stopped and removed myself from him like he was radioactive. He watched bewildered as I backed up to the door with tears in my eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Yuta asked, concern replacing the lust that covered his eyes. I frantically shook my head putting my hand up to stop him from coming closer to me, feeling the warmth go down my cheeks.

“Stay away from me, please.” I cried. Yuta looked almost hurt that I reacted like this.

Opening his door, I ran down stairs to the front door. I could hear him running after me, his voice calling out my name, in worry. Once I got outside, I ran as fast as my legs would allow me too. I have no idea where I was running too but I couldn’t be here.

After a while of running, I stopped realizing I didn’t even know where I was, this area didn’t look familiar to me. Out of breath and legs burning, I pulled out my phone ignoring all of the calls and text messages Yuta left and called the only person I could trust right now.

The phone rang three times before I heard a hello.

“Lucas, I need you.” I wheezed into the speaker. A lot of shuffling was heard on the other end before his voice came through. “Are you okay? Where are you? Did something happen to you?” he questioned.

I sent him my location and waited for him to pick me up. Everything was running through my mind at once. The feelings that came up when he was pleasuring me, it was something that I couldn’t put into words or describe. What really made it worse was the spark he made me feel when we kissed.

After eight years, it weighed heavy on me that the spark was still there, that he could still make me feel it. Doyoung always made me feel a spark but it was different. It wasn’t the kind that a first love gives.  

So lost in thought, I hadn’t realized that Lucas was driving up to me until he honked to get my attention. He parked and got out of his car to walk over to me. Before he fully reached me, I ran to him and threw myself into his arms, needing a hug desperately.

He stumbled back a bit before he hugged me back tight, rubbing soothing circles onto my back. The warmth and comfort he brought me caused me to cry because I was so overwhelmed with everything that just happened.

“Hey, it’s okay let it out.” Lucas cooed as I sniffled into his chest. “I got you.”

After I calmed down, we got into his car and he drove around for a while as I explained what happened that caused me to be in this state. He was angry and upset that this happened, that Yuta chose to keep putting his hands on me. But he tried to worry more about how this was going to affect me now that Yuta had shown signs of getting his memory.

“Do you want to go back home?” Lucas asked as we neared my neighborhood. That was the last place I wanted to be or even think of as home. “No but I have nowhere else to go. He’ll look for me at my parents. And Doyoung is out of the question and the same with the boys.” I sighed.

Lucas pulled over and looked over at me as my head rested on the window, eyes staring outside. He reached over and took hold of my hand, getting my attention. “This probably means nothing but it’s going to be okay. We’ll get through this. I’ll be at your side through everything that happens, okay?” He assured me with a warm smile. I squeezed his hand and thanked him.

We made it to the outside of my house, I sighed heavily stepping out of the car. He got out too and walked me to the door. “Listen, if you ever need it, my house is always open for you, okay?” He offered, taking me in his arms.

Lucas’s hugs meant everything to me, they made me feel safe and protected, like if everything was going to truly be okay. I nodded breathing in his scent, he smelled so manly and yet he was so soft. It was mesmerizing having him as a giant teddy bear.

The door was flung open and long behold an angry Yuta appeared. We immediately pulled away from each other. “Why are you hugging what belongs to me?” Yuta angrily asked through gritted teeth as he grabbed me by the arm and yanked me inside. A small “ow” escaped my lips at his harshness.

Lucas stepped up to Yuta so that they were face to face. “Don’t fucking put your hands on her like that again.” He threatened him balling up his fist.

Yuta’s eyes flashed of anger as he scoffed, “You don’t tell me what to do especially not when it comes to her.”

“Lucas please just go. This isn’t worth it. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I pleaded to him. He broke eye contact with Yuta to look at me.

“Only because she’s asking me too I will.” Lucas stated, giving me a small nod and turned to walk away to his car. Once he drove off, Yuta slammed the door shut. Before I could step back from him, he took hold of my arm again.

His eyes were flashing of pure red anger as he looked at me, his grip getting tighter as the seconds passed. My hand came up to his to try and pry his fingers off, “You’re hurting me, please let go.”

Yuta simply scoffed and yanked me harder to go up the stairs.

I thought he was going to take me to his room but I was surprised when he walked into mine. Once inside, he threw me on the bed. “Don’t let me find you in someone else’s arms like I did today.” He warned me and walked out.

The rest of the week was filled with awkward moments and a lot of tension between Yuta and me. The air in our house with toxic and heavy every time we shared the same area. He wasn’t speaking to me and I wasn’t speaking to him, we had nothing to say. I just wanted to be far away from him as much as I could.

On campus he’d come to me at the end of the day, just to let his presences bother all four of the boys, Lucas in particular was the most upset, even more so than Doyoung. Which was understandable considering he actually saw Yuta manhandle me.  

Jaehyun, Taeyong and Sicheng were basically living in the house. They were here every day after classes and on the weekend from when I woke up to when I went to sleep. Jaehyun of course didn’t even spare me a glance when Yuta was around. But he’d sneak in winks and devilish smirks whenever he’d catch me alone.

It’s Saturday night, the night of the celebration party for the company. For me it was just another reminder on how this company ruined my life.

I admired the way my off the shoulder purple dress adorned my body. My black heels visible through the sheer skirt of my dress. For tonight, I replaced my engagement ring necklace for my pig in a heart necklace. Despite the things that have happened with Doyoung and me, he still held my heart and I couldn’t find it in myself to take the ring off from around my neck.

My freshly purple dyed hair (to match my dress) was up in a bun with a few stands out at the side of my face, to look a little less round. My makeup was done in a natural manner as I didn’t want to gather any attention tonight.  

A knock came from my closed door before it opened to reveal Yuta. He stood at the door in an all-black suit, his long black hair was gelled back. It was almost as if he was shining, he looked stunning. I turned to face him.

“It’s time to go.” He informed me checking his watch.

I grabbed my purse and walked over to him. We stood in front of each other and looked into each other’s eyes for what felt like hours. His eyes were covered in a warmth I haven’t seen before. He brought his hand up to my face.

But I flinched at the movement and that caused him to close his hand and drop it back down to his side. I wasn’t sure if it was hurt that I saw flash in his eyes for a moment, it was left as fast as it had came.

He moved to the side and gestured me to walk out first. “Are we taking your car or mine? Wait, never mind, it doesn’t matter you’re going to drive my car if we take it anyway.” I pointed out as we walked down the stairs. He chuckled but said nothing more, we walked outside to his car.

Yuta stood in front of the passenger seat door and opened it for me. I gave him a thankful nod and got in. He walked over to the driver seat and got in. Before he started the car, he felt around in his pockets for something, once he knew it was there, he drove off to the venue.

When we arrived, there was a lot of people standing around. Either taking pictures or just talking before walking in. Yuta came to my side of the car and opened it for me. He gave me his hand to hold and as much as I wanted to reject it, I couldn’t. There were too many eyes.

As far as I was concerned, no one knew that we were set to marry and I remained very thankful for that. I wanted this to stay as low key as possible until it was necessary to bring it up. Taking his hand, he helped me out of the car and handed the keys over to the man for the valet parking.

The best smile I could manage made its way to my lips as the doors in front of us were pulled open. “Ready princess?” He asked linking my arm with his. I looked ahead and took a deep breath, “Yes.” I exhaled. We walked into the room that was crowded with people. Many of whom were our employees and small time partners for the company.

Out of manners, we walked around for a bit just greeting people and making small talk. We eventually reached our parents. Yuta’s parents took us in a hug and I forced myself to hug them back. It pained me to be like this with his parents and mine too but they deserved it for what they are doing to me.

“How’s living together going so far? I know the first week is hard, so there’s much to get used to, I’m sure.” Mrs. Nakamoto said trying to make conversation. She looked at us with a glint in her eye, like she was hopeful for something more.

A lot rage coursed through me as the conversation went on. All of them were acting as if this wasn’t forced on us. I was getting angrier by the second when Yuta just went along with it, making his own jokes on how it was going to get easier once we were married.

“Excuse me, I’m going to get a drink.” I announced as I removed myself from Yuta’s arm. He gave me a nod, “Don’t be too long, the speech will start soon.” He reminded me. Our parents were going to give some kind of a thank you speech, expressing their gratitude and whatnot.

At the bar, I ordered a glass of Schramsberg Brut Rosé, my all-time favorite wine. I decided to stay at the bar with no intention of returning to the dreading conversation that was being held with Yuta and our parents. I scanned the room looking for any of my boys.

Not wanting to do this alone, I invited them. Everyone accepted my invite expect Doyoung and that was understandable considering that Yuta would do nothing but pester him all night long, rubbing our ‘relationship’ in his face.

In the middle of my scanning, I heard a small hello come from behind me. I turned and was stunned at who was standing there. His purple hair slicked back, dressed in a dark blue suit and a glass of what I assume is whiskey in his hand. He looked just as stunning as Yuta.

“Taeyong, hello.” I greeted, a small smile mirroring his.

“How are you doing today?” He asked bringing his glass up to his lips. Taeyong before this has never spoken a word to me either but unlike Jaehyun, the fact he was standing in front of me right now didn’t piss me off and I wondered why.

I looked around the room and made eye contact with Yuta, who was looking over at us. Turning my attention back to Taeyong, I sighed. “Well I’m here.” I answered.

Taeyong gave me a sympathetic nod like he understood my misery, “I understand. Listen, I know we’ve never talked or more like I didn’t talk to you but the last time I did, I made a stupid joke about you being the misses.” He tried to apologize. I giggled at his attempt to do so.  

Despite being friends with the other two bone heads, Taeyong wasn’t so bad. He carried his own reputation too but you’d be surprised that he carried himself in a better light compared to the other ones. Sure he was after one thing only too but he was always gentle about it, he never made promises he knew were never going to come true. Which is maybe why so many girls still bended to every need he had.

“I accept your apology Taeyong.”

He gave me a smile and nod and I returned it. More was going to be said but it was interrupted when the static of the mic ripped through the air. Everyone faced the stage and watched as the bosses went up. My dad took hold of the mic and began.

“As everyone knows today we are celebrating the success the company has been having the last few months. We’ve been going strong and working hard to meet our goals. We’ve been reaching above and beyond actually.” He spoke so diligently. The room broke out into a round of applause.

In the middle of the speech, I saw Hendery, Lucas and Ten come in through the crowd. They hugged me one by one as they reached me. Lucas’s hug lasting a little longer than the others but no one noticed but us. Lucas gave me a comfort and warmth I know I needed desperately.

Hendery and Ten greeted Taeyong with a bro hug, not bothering to think why he was standing here with me. Lucas just nodded in his direction, I gathered he didn’t know him and Taeyong wasn’t exactly my friend either so I didn’t bother introducing them.

“I hope we didn’t miss much.” Ten whispered to me as Mr. Nakamoto continued the speech. “No, they just started.” I whispered back, giving my attention back to the stage. From the corner of my eye, I saw Lucas stand on the other side of me that was empty.

He looked down at me for a moment causing me to glance over at him and smile. “I’m glad you were able to make it.” I expressed my gratitude. “Wouldn’t have missed you looking this beautiful for anything in the world.” He whispered in my ear. I blushed greatly at his words, “Thank you.” I mumbled back to him shyly.

Lucas chuckled at my sudden shyness and looked forward as I did, trying to make my blush go away. And it did once I noticed that Yuta was on stage now with our parents. I saw how Yuta scanned the crowd looking for me as my dad spoke again.

“As many of you know, the company will be given to Yuta and my daughter (Y/N), in some time.” He started. Another round of applause was given. “And because of that, there is another reason we are having this celebration today.”

“(Y/N), what’s going on?” Hendery asked alarmed. I looked at him, the blood draining from my face as I remembered earlier when Yuta was looking for something in his pockets. Remembering that we have never really had a celebration party despite the company’s success. Tears welled up as I realized what was going to happen.

“(Y/N), if you could please come up to the stage.” Yuta called for me, still scanning the crowd. I looked at all the boys that surrounded me.

Taeyong met my eyes and dropped his gaze before he replied to Hendery’s question. Making the blood drain from the three boys as the words reached their ears.

“He’s going to propose.”

Masterlist

[strugglingartistno16]

Shattered to pieces

A/N: Finally, I got to finish this request! It turned out a bit longer than originally anticipated, but I still hope that you enjoy it. xx @snowberryksj

TW: Mentions of a car accident, violent behavior, lots of crying, somebody getting injured really bad, throwing up, death

Pairing: Kim Seokjin x Reader

Masterlist

The call came unexpectedly.

Your boyfriend Jin had gone out to grab some snacks for your weekly movie marathon together with your best friend Jungkook. The two of them were gone for a solid hour now and you were getting a little uneasy, knowing that the convenience store you always went to was just a five-minute drive away and the weather was staring to act up.

Picking up the phone, that has been ringing for the past minute or so, your eyes focused on the picture of Jin pulling a weird face, which would be shown every time he called you. You couldn’t stop but stare at the photo of your boyfriend being his usual self, knowing that Jin hated it with all he got while you loved it almost as much as you loved the real version of it.

Snapping back into reality, as your phone hasn’t and probably wouldn’t stop ringing, you finally answered the call. “Hey love. Why is it taking so long? I’m getting a little worried here.” You chuckled, trying to cover up the slight nervousness that was forming at the pit of your stomach.

“Miss Y/L/N?” An unfamiliar male voice answered instead of your boyfriend. Taken aback you only answered hesitantly. “Yes, that’s me. What’s going on, where is Jin?” You asked, the worry now fully prominent in the tone of your voice.

“I’m sorry Miss, but you are listed as an emergency contact.” With a loud thump you fell onto the couch, afraid of what was coming next. “Mister Kim Seokjin and Jeon Jungkook had a severe car accident about half an hour ago. They are both stationed at the St. Mary’s Hospital and have been examined. Unfortunately, one of them did not have as much luck as the other and Miss Y/L/N, it’s not looking very good for Mister –“

It was like you were on autopilot. You simply hung up the phone, too shaken up by what you have heard and too scared of what you might hear next. You didn’t want to hear the rest of the sentence, simply because hearing the truth would make it your immediate reality. And after what the caller had implied what might have happened to Jin, your insides were already turned upside down.

It took you a bit too long to understand that the sickness that was unfolding inside of your body was not just mentally, but you managed to run to the bathroom just in time to throw up into the toilet. When you were done throwing up the last bit of sanity you had left, you began to cry hysterically and all you could think of was that you had to get to Jin as fast as possible. Therefore, you pocketed the keys to your car and left Jins apartment with nothing more than a broken heart and a pinch of hope, that maybe he was alright after all.

The drive to the hospital was the most dangerous stunt you have ever pulled. Running over red lights and passing stop signs without a second glace you drove faster than any race car ever could. All you were thinking about was Jin, and how there was this haunting possibility of him not existing anymore. Of how he might have vanished from your life forever.

You tried to remember the last thing you said to him, and tears started streaming down your face when the realization hit that yes, your boyfriend might be dead. “Please, Jin.” You whispered, as your shoulders started to shake violently. “Please, I can’t stand the thought of losing you.” And you cried it out, over and over again like a sick mantra, hoping that someone or something in this damned universe would hear you and maybe, just maybe have some mercy.

Maybe somebody had actually heard you, because you arrived at the hospital without a scratch or any police getting a hold of you. Under normal circumstances you would have probably called it a miracle, but you didn’t want to waste them on something as unimportant as this. You needed a much bigger one right now.

When you rushed through the door, the smell of disinfectant and old people hit you hard, and you went to the front desk immediately, ignoring the old woman who was talking to the man behind the desk. With a shaky voice and trembling hands you tried to put everything together, explaining that you were looking for your boyfriend and best friend who were both involved in a car accident, including that you were listed as an emergency contact. The young man shot an apologizing smile towards the elderly lady next to you and started looking through the files on his computer.

“Ah yes, Miss Y/L/N.” He finally announced. “One of them is in room 203 and the other one is being operated right now. Mister –“

For the second time today you didn’t let the hospital staff finish their sentence, as you ran off to the elevator and squeezed through the just closing doors, pushing the button to the second floor approximately a million times.

When you finally stood in front of room 203 all the energy had drained from you and you were now trembling even worse than before. The only two scenarios that were possible broke your heart almost equally. But you knew, that if it wouldn’t be Jin who would be in this room, you’d simply break down for the second and surely not last time today, not knowing whether you would have the strength to stand up again.

You definitely were not ready, when you knocked at the door, but you figured that would never be ready for a moment like this. When nobody answered you pushed it open and almost fell to your knees at the sight of the man standing in front of the window, staring into the rainy weather.

“Jin.” You breathed and he turned his head with the speed of light. “Y/N!” He exclaimed and threw himself into your arms, almost squeezing the air out of your already weak body as he started to sob uncontrollably into your shoulder.

“Hey, Jin, it’s alright.” You managed to whisper, but your words almost drowned in Jins’ loud crying. With every sob his shoulders shook more vigorously, and you were absolutely helpless as you did not know what you could do for him. Jin was healthy and unharmed, and you couldn’t be happier. But the two of you knew that now it was Jungkook you had to worry about, who so desperately tried to grab the lifeline that was slowly being tucked away from him.

“Y/N, it hurts. It hurts so much. I fucked up, Y/N, I fucked up so bad.” Was all he could say and his voice was shaking almost as much as his body. Jin might have not been harmed physically, but mentally he was a broken man.

You took his hand and led him to the bed, sitting down next to him, as you softly started to stroke his back. “Tell me what happened, please.” You begged and looked him in the eyes.

He nodded and began to explain. “It was my fault.” Turning away from you, his gaze was glued to the window. “It was raining outside, and the road was slippery. I shouldn’t have driven so fast and then Jungkook started to goof around to one of those Ariana Grande songs that he likes so much and I got distracted and suddenly there was a red light and –“ He stopped abruptly as the memories started to flood his mind, making him cry again.

“Jin, I’m sure it wasn’t your fault. Everything will be alright, Jungkook will be fine, I promise.” You tried to calm him down.

He stared at you and you were unable to read his expression, but then he suddenly yanked himself away from your touch. “How can you say this, Y/N?” He asked, eyes red from all the crying, voice raising in volume. “How?” Jin jumped to his feet and paced around the room, pulling at his hair and screaming into his palms. “It was my fault!” He finally shouted, making you flinch away from him. Jin reached for the vase next to his bed that held some beautiful daisys and smashed it against the wall. Glass and drops of water scattered around the room and the flowers landed on the floor, laying sadly in all the broken pieces of glass and desperation. “I am the one, who was driving! I am the one, who was not paying attention! I am the one, who killed Jungkook!”

His last words made him break down, knees hitting the floor, hands covering his face. “I wish it was me, not Jungkook. It should have been me. God, Y/N, why couldn’t it have been me?” Your boyfriend sobbed into the palms of his hands. Taking a deep breath you sat beside him onto the floor, not caring about the water or the broken pieces of glass.

This was such a difficult situation, not only for him but for you too. Because no matter how worried you were about Jungkook, it hurt you a thousand times more to see Jin like this. You were sure, that it wasn’t his fault and that he was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. But you understood his frustration, he was the eldest of them all and Jungkook was the youngest. Jin felt responsible for every single one of his friends, but especially for Jungkook.

Before you could say something, a doctor came into the room. He stood in the doorframe, shocked by the view that was presented to him. “I’m so sorry, we’ll clean this mess up and of course pay for everything.” You tried to say but he shook his head while looking down at the tablet in his hands. “It’s alright, Miss Y/L/N. I’m Doctor Stevenson and I have some news about your friend Jeon Jungkook.”

This made Jin look at the doctor and you helped your boyfriend stand up, who was still shaking. “He is going to be fine.” The Doctor said.

Jin and you both let the breath, that you unknowingly were holding, out in one big exhale. Once again you couldn’t read his face but you were sure that he was relieved, to say the least. “He has a serious trauma and it will take him some time to recover. “ Doctor Stevenson continued to explain. “But he will, fully, within a few weeks. Mr. Jeon will wake up in a few hours, if you’d like you can wait for him.” With one last look at the room and your boyfriend, he added “And I’d recommend therapy for you, young man.” He shook yours and Jins hand after giving you the number of Jungkooks room and left the two of you to yourself.

“Jagi, I –“ Jin began, but you interrupted him by simply shaking your head and giving him a small smile, implying that everything was alright. However, you were definitely going to talk about the doctors recommendation of a good therapist when you would arrive at home.

While you were still a bit shaken up by Jins behavior, you were incredibly relieved when you finally got to see Jungkook. When you arrived at his room, the nurse who was watching over him led you inside.

“He will wake up in around an hour or so, I will leave you alone with him. If something happens, there’s a red button next to his bed, just press it and I’ll come immediately.” She explained to the two of you and you simply nodded, too tired to respond.

When she left you sat down on the floor next to Jin, who laid his head onto your lap. “It’s hard to see him like this.” Jin said, and you knew exactly what he meant.

All those cables and machines standing around your beloved Kookie, his hair falling into his face and eyes closed, almost as if he was sleeping. It was definitely a sight that you didn’t want to get used to. After a few minutes of silence, Jin surprised you by speaking up, as you had assumed that he fell asleep.

“I could shatter into a million pieces and you would cut your hands without hesitation while trying to piece me back together.” Jin looked up at you, and his eyes were filled with infinite love and admiration for you. “You will never know how much I actually love you, Y/N. How much you mean to me. How many times you’ve helped me not to fall apart.”

Looking down at him you wiped the remaining tears on his cheeks away and gave him a long peck on the lips. “I might never know how much you love me, but I will always love you at least twice as much.” You replied.

He closed his eyes while you started stroking his hair and after a while you both drifted off to sleep.

Extra:

The two of you woke up, when you suddenly heard noises coming from the bed in front of you. Jin and you jumped to your feet, as you two watched how Jungkook was slowly starting to wake up from the anesthesia.

Jin rushed towards him and held his hand, tears streaming down his face once again. “Kookie, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have- I was distracted and-“ Jungkook lifted his hand tiredly to stop his Hyung from rambling and took a deep breath before looking at him with a smirk on his face. “Hyung, I’m alright. But please, the next time that you don’t enjoy my taste in music, don’t try to kill me.”      

[krreader]

BTS scenario → being forced to break up with you.

pairing: bts x reader fandom: bts warnings: / genre: angst 

a/n: did someone say suffer? here, enjoy this then :’) (masterlist is in my description box)

kim seokjin

You had honestly thought that this night would end differently.

After five years together and your anniversary approaching, you thought Jin might finally propose to you tonight like he had always said he would.

But it wasn't like that at all, you soon realized.

“I.. don't want this, (Y/N). Please believe me. But.. I have to give up one. Either my career or you.”

And as you looked into his eyes, the future you had always imagined you two would have slowly slipped further and further away.

“Your career would have ended eventually anyways. But I would have stayed with you until the day I died, Seokjin,” you whispered, your voice breaking towards the end as you got up and walked away, determined not to cry when he would see it.

And that was something that Jin soon realized too.

Especially when looking at that engagement ring he had bought a few months ago..

min yoongi

Yoongi always wanted only one thing.

To make music.

But then he found you and he realized that he needed not just music, but you as well to be happy. 

He needed both.

And when his managers came to the conclusion that one had to go, he thought that giving you up was the right decision. Because music would always be his best friend and more important.. right?

“I know that.. we broke up a while ago,” Yoongi said into his phone, his voice already breaking, “But I uh.. I just wanted to tell you that I really miss you, (Y/N),” he wasn't someone that cried very often, but now he did. He pressed his fingers into his eyes, desperately trying to stop the tears from coming out, “You told me.. you told me that you wanted me to be happy, so you'd accept my decision, but fuck.. I made the wrong one. I made the wrong one, (Y/N), I can't do this without you.. I'll give it all up. Everything. I just.. I just need you, okay? So please, just call me back..”

You didn't.

Because you wouldn't let him give up everything he worked for.

Even if it broke him..

jung hoseok

Hoseok cried so much when he told you. He begged you to forgive him and he begged you not to hate him for it.

But you could never hate him for it.. no, instead, you pulled him against you and cried with him, telling him that it was okay and that you understood.

“I tried to make them change their minds, but they just..-”

“Hey, it's alright,” you nodded, wiping away his tears, while your own were running out of your eyes, “We've.. had a good few years, right? We were happy.. we have those memories and nobody can take them away from us. They're ours.”

“You need to find someone better than me, okay?” he put his hands over yours, looking directly into your eyes, “Someone that treats you better than me.”

“Hoseok, stop..”

“No! No, listen to me,” he shook his head and pulled your hands to his mouth, kissing your knuckles, “I want you to find someone that can give you the world. I want you to find someone that see's that you are the most wonderful thing this earth has to offer and.. and that nobody will ever be as great as you are.”

“Someone like you?”

No, he thought, because if that were him, he would have made the right decision and would have picked you.

“Someone better than me.”

kim namjoon

Namjoon was heartbroken and nervous at the same time as he watched you intensely.

He could see you processing his words, could see hurt, anger and disappointment wash over your face. But in the end, it was sadness that won the battle of emotions.

“Did you.. consider it?”

“Consider what?”

“Picking me,” you asked, raising your head to look at him, your eyes glossy.

You've been with each other for more than four years. You just wanted to know if you mattered enough that he even just thought about it for a second.. thought about giving it all up for you.

“Of course, I did,” he said honestly, reaching across the table to hold your hands, “But, (Y/N).. I can't leave the boys. I can't leave ARMY.”

“But you can leave me,” you smiled sadly, pulling your hands back, “I often wondered if there was ever a time when I would finally be the most important person in your life like you were to me, but.. I guess I have my answer now.”

“(Y/N)..-” he tried, but you only shook your head.

“It's alright, Namjoon. I always understood, didn't I? Even when everyone around me told me that it would get my heart broken, I still stayed with you, because I believed one day things would change. I thought that as soon as your career was over, we could start our life together and be truly happy.. stupid me, I guess.”

He didn't chase after you when you left, there was no point in it.

But as soon as you were gone, guilt and disappointment in himself were crushing him until he couldn't keep his sobs inside anymore.

park jimin

Jimin had wanted to marry you. He had wanted to have children with you. He had wanted to grow old with you.

But as he watched you break down in front of him because he just broke up with you, he realized that none of that would ever happen.

You would part today, probably never see each other again and that future of yours would disappear into thin air.

“I'm so sorry,” he whispered as he held you against his chest, “I love you, please believe me.”

But you couldn't say anything.

All you could do was cry. Cry, because you really hadn't expected this. Cry, because you couldn't believe this.

Jimin tried to explain it to you, but the more he talked, the more your heart broke into a million pieces.

He broke up with you because you weren't important enough. That's what you got out of this. That's what broke you fully and what would haunt you for the rest of your life.

For Jimin, it was the fact that he hurt you so badly..

His company thought breaking up with you would help him focus on his career again. But in the end, it only ruined him.

kim taehyung

Taehyung wanted to choose you. He was determined to do so. But everyone around him told him that it would be the wrong decision. That picking a girl, no matter the fact that you and him have been together for so long, over the career he had built wasn't the right decision.

He let them influence him.

And so he ended things with you.

“(Y/N)?” he asked, trying his hardest not to cry, “Please.. say something.”

But you couldn't. Your head hung low as your tears were falling and that was so much worse than anything you could have done.

He cupped your cheek and made you look at him and what he saw shattered his heart.

He broke your heart. The man that vowed to do nothing but love you, broke your heart.

And that's when Taehyung knew he had made the wrong decision.

“Be happy, Taehyung,” you forced yourself to say, before you got up and left.

No.. no, he really wouldn't be.

jeon jeongguk

Jeongguk had begged them to find a different solution. He literally fell down on his goddamn knees because he couldn't lose you.

But it didn't help.

Nothing helped, because the decision had been made.

It was either you or his career.

And he had chosen his career.

The worst part was probably your reaction. He could have dealt with you screaming at him, he could have dealt with you cursing him, but the reality was a lot worse.

The reality was that you just stared at him for a couple of seconds, then the first tear rolled out of your eyes that broke one part of his heart and then that sad smile you managed to put on broke the other half, shattering it into tiny pieces.

You didn't say anything. You just got up, kissed his forehead and left without another word.

Because what else was there to say? He had made his decision. Sure, you could have fought for it, but fighting for your relationship would mean that he had to give up everything he has worked so hard for and you didn't want that.

So you just left..

[forever-more-never-again]

In My Dreams (Scene Twelve/Fifteen)

Word Count: 1696

Pairing: Slow burn Dean Winchester X Reader

Summary: What happens when you wake up in the Supernatural Universe? And also happen to have a crush on one Dean Winchester! Will you make it back to your normal college life? Slow burn romance. Angsty Fluff.

Scene One / Scene Two / Scene Three / Scene Four / Scene Five / Scene Six / Scene Seven / Scene Eight  / Scene Nine / Scene Ten / Scene Eleven

Masterlist

Tears crowded my vision as I raced through the streets. The sunshine pounding on my skin, seagulls voicing the cries that were in my throat.

How did Serena, the supposed mermaid, know about how hard being in this place was for me? How hard I was trying to remember? How hard it was to decipher between the realities?

How I was starting to think that the normal, college, family loved [Y/n] was just a dream I had one night.

“[Y/n]?” My name brought my attention back to the present. The present being me running straight into a broad chest and nearly falling on my face.

Strong arms held me up, preventing my face from becoming intimate with the hard concrete.

“[Y/n], where is Sam? What’s going on? Are...are you crying?”

Oh that voice. That strangely sober voice.

I looked up into the sparkling emerald eyes and drew a deep breath. Taking a chance, not thinking things through, my thoughts a jumbled mess, my emotions haywire, I leaned up and captured his rough lips with mine.

Dragging out a ragged gasp, his lips parted and I took advantage of it.

Slipping my arms up around his shoulders, digging my fingers into his scalp, threading short brown locks through my fingers.

I was lost.

And then I wash shoved away.

“[Y/n]? What the hell!?” Dean looked pissed. Wiping a hand over his mouth, as if to rub away the evidence of the kiss.

I felt it pierce my heart.

I laughed, watery and ragged, “Sorry. I just...got emotional.”

The loud familari sound of Baby broke up whatever Dean was going to say next and Then the car pulled up next to us.

I finally took a moment to look at my surroundings and realized I had run almost all the way across town. The motel was only a block away.

Looking up at Dean as he walked over to Baby, where Sam was frantically climbing out of the driver’s seat, I saw he was still sober, and was probably on his way to the Motel when I had run into him. Literally.

“[Y/n]! Don’t ever run off like that again!” Sam engulfed me in a giant warm hug, lifting my feet off the ground.

Grunting, I beat lightly against his back, “Let me down you giant. I’m okay.”

Once back on solid land, I rubbed away the stray tears on my face and shot a smile up at Sam. He didn’t change his disappointed father look.

Shrugging it off, I turned and continued walking to the motel.

“Wait, Where are you going?” Sam called after me.

I waved a hand back to him, “I’m going to walk to the motel the rest of the way, meet you there.”

And that was just what I did.

Of course the boys beat me, having driven in Baby.

So when I walked into the room, it was to Sam sitting on one bed looking over at Dean, and Dean leaning against the counter in the kitchenette staring at the floor.

“Alright, you’re back. So, want to explain what happened?” Dean spoke, not with his usual gusto, not even with bitterness.

And I shuffled at the awkwardness in the room.

Sam sighed and moved so that he was looking at me, “I’d like to know what happened as well. Serena said something concerning and you freaked out.”

I collapsed into one of the chairs at the small table, the three of us forming some sort of triangle from where we were respectively standing or sitting in the room.

Dragging a hand down my tired face, I leaned in the chair to stare at the ceiling, “It just struck a nerve with me. That she could tell that I was struggling with being here. That my memories are becoming more warped and dream like. Along with what you said earlier,” The legs of the chair clanked loudly as they dropped back onto all four as I looked over at Sam, raising an eyebrow so that he knew I was talking about the conversation in the motel and Baby after Dean left, “It just became too much at once. I felt trapped, so I ran.”

When I glanced sideways, I saw Dean looking over at me with concern. His arms that were once crossed over his chest, hanging down at his sides, one foot forward like he had debated walking over to me but stopped.

“You haven’t mentioned your memories since last night. You haven’t started a notebook yet?” Sam asked, concern dripping from his voice.

I shook my head, sighing, “I...I woke up this morning and felt like it had been a dream. I didn’t...I don’t want to forget. But I think…” I stopped to take a breath, and standing, I looked over at Dean, who swiftly looked away with a frown, “I think I need to talk with Dean for a moment. If that’s okay Sam.”

Sam stood and walked past me, Squeezing my shoulder, “That’s fine. I’m going to head back to city hall and talk to Serena more and see if she knows how to kill these Kin members of hers.”

Accepting that, I waited until the rumble of Baby’s engine faded.

The silence in the motel room was stifling, and I knew I was the one who should break it, But I was scared.

Looking over at Dean, his stance was closed off. And it hurt.

“Dean...I.” I didn’t know what to say. I knew what I had to, what I wanted to, but I couldn’t put it into words.

Dean scoffed, “Surprised to see me sober? After all, I’m a character you’ve watched a hundred times, you probably know me better than I know myself.” The derision in his tone, the way he spoke, it sparked an anger within me.

I walked right up to him and poked him in the chest, causing him to startle and his eyes widen and look at me, “What I said earlier today was wrong! I hurt you, and I’m sorry. I’m...I’m struggling but to take it out on you when you’ve been nothing but kind and understanding was wrong.”

I swallowed the rock building in my throat, threatening to cause me to cry again.

Dean stared, wide eyed at me, before slowly leaning in, a hand came up and cupped my cheek and I sighed, leaning into it.

“You are very real. And I am real. And we’re both here. Right now. And I think I want to choose happiness over worry and stress and anger at the situation I am in. And I’m happy with you, Dean. You make me happy. So I’m done worrying. I’m done thinking about actors and cheating and the implications of this decision. I want to be happy with you. So I guess….what I’m asking is, can we start over?”

I had closed my eyes halfway through my rant. Now, as the silence dragged on, I peaked open one eye.

Dean’s hand was warm on my cheek, but the look on his face made him look frozen.

Then with a shake of his head, I was once again lost as he kissed me.

His other hand snaked around and tightened around my waist, lifting me up.

Spinning around, he dropped me so that I was sitting on the counter. He moved closer, never once breaking apart from the kiss, to stand between my legs.

I breathed in his scent. The whiskey and wood and the smell made me moan in delight.

Any thoughts, or worries I had faded away. [Y/n] from one reality and [Y/n] from supernatural reality blended together until there was just [Y/n], the girl in Dean Winchester’s arms.

Time faded. Minutes, seconds, hours. It didn’t matter.

Warm hands slid up underneath my shirt. A dark chuckle and lips broke apart for a moment to whisper in my ear, making me shudder, “Are you wearing my clothes?”

I didn’t answer verbally. Instead, I gripped the bottom of the shirt and with a twist of my arms, It was gone. Lost somewhere in the motel room.

Another chuckle, “I could get used to this.”

I growled low in my throat, “Less talking.” Before surging up to capture his lips once more.

Dean’s hands slid once more around me, lifting me up against him as he walked towards the bed.

But before we reached it, there was the sound of wind rushing and then- “Dean! [Y/n]! I have found a way home!”

And suddenly I was on the floor, “Ow! What the hell Cas!?” I screamed, pain radiating from my posterior.

Dean wore a similar angry look as he offered a hand to me and then whirled to protect my half naked body from Cas.

“What the hell man!? Ever heard of knocking? Walking through the door like a normal person?”

Cas tilted his head, his look ever so calm and collected, “I am not a normal person. I’m an angel.”

Dean shook his head as I let out a giggle.

At that Dean turned to smile at me, and then whisper in my ear, the hot breath causing a drop of heat to rush to my core, “As much as I enjoy you being undressed, I think you should put on a shirt for now. We’ll finish what you started later.”

I could feel the heat change course and head to my cheeks as I crossed my arms over my chest and ran to Dean’s duffel to dig out a shirt.

Once decent, I looked to where Cas still stood with Dean staring at him. The men both silent.

“So Cas, what was it you said when you phased in the room?”

Despite the head tilt and scrunched eyebrows meaning Cas didn’t fully understand my question, he answered it, “I found a way for you to get back to your reality. The tattoo and how you worried it would be transferred reminded me of a friend and I just got back from his place to let you know. You can go home soon.”

My whole body froze.

What?

FOREVER Taglist:

@sxph-t @mialeelavellan @rainydaysrnevergrey @platonic-plots @sociallyawkwardcircus-freak-hi @ayyidkeither @queenbbarnes @mythixmagic @chas-z @thefridgeismybestie @strangersstranger @princess-evans-addict

In My Dreams Series Taglist:

@jadepc @stevieboyharrington @clarinette07 @topthis808 @wolfkg @heythereamigodude @100kindsofblake @animegirlgeeky