#so to declutter i'm going to have another clean-up

[balkanradfem]

So! I went home and found myself with hundreds of fall chores, no laptop, and no internet. I love my unpredictable, varied routine; first day back I went foraging for mushrooms and chestnuts, collected beautiful red apples for the kitchen and made my first fall mushroom soup. I cleaned out the fridge and the pantry and checked all my dried goods for moths. Then I headed back out, collecting conkers, walnuts, nettle - I actually had to go on a mission to find nettle! Half of it was destroyed by the flood; the other half cut by city maintenance. In the end I found some near the little house where a woman lives with six cats. I knew it was a cat lady because one time I spotted her coming home from the store, arms filled with bags, and all six cats ran to greet her with their tails up in delight. It was a lovely sight!

I don't think the woman used the nettle, it was strong and untouched, but when I sneaked by to get some, all six cat perked up and watched me. I've never been so observed by cats!

I was late this year to collect yarrow as well, and it would be unwise not to have it, since it resolves stomach cramps. Most of it was gone already, so I had to scour the fields and finally found some on a grassy path near a pumpkin patch. I'll be safe from cramps this winter!

Another big chore I had was to declutter my basement - I was stashing lots of donated clothing in there, and I need the space for all the zuchinni, pumpkins and potatoes. I gifted all the good clothing to the plant lady, and then had to figure out what can be used for sewing, and what was useless to me. This used to be an impossible task for me, because everything can be used somehow, I can sew with anything. And when you buy nothing, it's really hard to throw stuff away! You can't replace it. 

But this time I had a new distaste for microplastic and decided I would not own or sew with plastic materials. This easily got me rid of more than half the stuff! I tolerated stuff that was 95% cotton or linen, but anything completely viscose, acrylic or polyester got removed. This is of course, clothing I was not attached to. It's much harder to get rid of an acrylic sweater I happen to love. But! I won't be getting attached to another. 

I put all the nice stuff in a bag and left it outside for people to have. If they can tolerate it who am I to deprive them of it. I hope it can get used!

My next tasks are weeding out the garden, transplanting strawberries, sowing some celery and parsley, digging out potatoes, processing all the conkers and walnuts, drying and storing the mushrooms, trying to get rid of kitchen moths. (any advice on that?)

I'm having a good time running around doing various chores! The routine of normal people was driving me insane; every day was exactly alike, lots of sitting around, waiting for food delivery, then doing dishes and laundry. The store was the only place to visit! My quests for food bring me deep into the forests, looking for edible mushrooms, to the tops of hills for chestnuts, and quaint little houses with cats for nettle. Finding food outside is enrichment! I missed interacting with nature and roaming mindlessly trough the wilderness.

[crimeronan]

cleaned for 9 hours today, half of which was dedicated Just to a 5x2 foot space beside the bed that has been my Disaster Area for Literal Years. motivation being that i just got back from three weeks at my mom's house, which is VERY well-kept and organized, and that meant i could See Clutter for the first time in ages. i wanted to fix some shit before the ADHD blindness set back in.

accomplishments:

discovered a literal 5 years worth of dust in some corners. oops

found a Scary Biohazard (mold pillow. millow, if u will. it has now been disposed of.)

took out 4 forty-gallon bags of trash

took out 3 forty-gallon bags of recycling

found 8 months worth of one medication

and 4 months worth of another

and 9 months worth of a medication i no longer take and should dispose of

plus so many old steroids

and painkillers

and inhalers

and anti-nausea meds so i could keep down all the meds i used to be on

also found 3 years worth of saved birthday and christmas cards

and 8 books i'd forgotten i had down there

and several sets of gel pens

and 3 beautiful unused journals

and 2 delightful unused coloring books

and all the art of mine that fell off the walls months ago

found houses for everything i don't want Right Next To Me At All Times

reorganized everything on my bedside table

made notes for shelving and containers i need to get tomorrow

did 2 loads of dishes

decluttered the kitchen

fully unpacked from my trip

became less insane.

the apartment is not Clean yet because it is filled with corners and piles that will be their own little four-hour projects. but my bed space is clean for the first time since 2020 and we have clean dishes and all the trash bins are empty so it's now a lot easier to pick up after ourselves.

Nine Hours.

i'm gonna. go take a Very Hot Bath.

[fuckyeahfightlock]

Time for another list of YouTube channel recommendations you didn't ask for and probably don't care about!

I was about to say these are in no particular order, but looking at the list in my notebook here it does seem they're clumped up into semi-related groupings so in some semi-random order, here's what I've been watching lately (in addition to zoom court, car crashes, public freakouts, and fails).

NOVYMPIA are Nova and Olympia, two 30ish drag queens who are also a couple. Their videos run the gamut, but they do a lot of trying (snacks from around the world, etc), tier lists (teenage celeb crushes, the crisps options with meal deals, UK chocolate), monthly "faves and shitters," and some hilarious and spot-on parodies of famous folks from TV and YouTube. They also do travel vlogs (not in drag) and other personal vids. Last year they did a lot of reaction to Eurovision. Always fun and funny; they make me smile.

LUXERIA is a trans lady, makeup artist with a biochemistry degree (she's a scientist, girls!), UK expat living in Spain with her partner and her cute mini-dachshund Mr Biscuit. Hers is mainly a reaction channel, watching reality and competition TV like America's Next Top Model, Botched, Glow Up, and Don't Tell the Bride, plus reactions to unhinged makeup/beauty TikToks. Her second channel, Luxeria Labs, is all about tech pertaining to photography; her work is lovely and she is a natural teacher so if you're interested in photography I recommend that channel, too.

CLUTTERBUG is a nice Canadian lady with ADHD who is a professional organizer that won't add to yr overwhelm. She has a 30-day, five-minutes-a-day decluttering challenge, lists of items you can declutter quickly, tips for how to keep a tidy house with ADHD, etc. She's not a beige millennial and she's not going to pour an avalanche of info on you. And her tips are helpful! MIDWEST MAGIC CLEANING is a funny guy who owns an extreme cleaning company (think hoarding/serious household neglect). He talks a lot about his own autism, as well as how he cleans homes for neurodiverse people in need of his help for free with donations from viewers. Very satisfying cleaning content, some tips, and a witty presentation by a nice guy.

For horror and other disturbing movie recs, I love spookyastronauts; she always shares informative, thorough lists, and gives enough information that you can decide whether to check out a movie--but craftily never spoils them. POSSESSEDbyHORROR reviews and discusses all things horror, mostly movies and books but also meta-discussion of topics in the genre and of particular works. For real life horrors (dark corners of the web, videos before tragedy, mysteries and weird death), I love LAZY MASQUERADE and TRAGEDY TALES. EXPLORE WITH US shares police interrogation and bodycam true crime videos in a deep-dive, newsy style.

EMMA CRUISES is what it says on the tin: a nice English lady goes on lots of cruises (mostly Europe, but she's also done Japan and recently did an Atlantic crossing) and reviews them, sharing every bit of info from cabin tours to excursions in port cities, to food, entertainment, and pricing. I have no intention of ever going on a cruise but I love her channel! SARAH SPACEMAN is another person who does something I don't and never plan to: she's a cosplayer who attends LOTS of anime cons and I think she is fairly well known. I watch her for con reviews, stories, etc. She knows her stuff and I always like looking at cosplay, even when I don't know the characters (it's all so impressive!), which she films a lot of. Gossip about milieus of which I'm not a part also has a certain appeal so videos like "the worst con I've ever attended" and other cosplay controversies interest me.

CECILIA BLOMDAHL lives on the island of Svalbard, the northernmost inhabited land on earth (I think). The international seed bank is located there. Cecilia makes videos of life on Svalbard, in the polar night, taking snowmobile trips, renovating and decorating her home with her partner Kristoffer (she's Swedish, he's Norwegian, they're cute), as well as their most recent project--an off-grid, isolated cabin for snowy adventuring (just seeing how they received a huge IKEA order by boat, and transported all the boxes to the cabin by pulling trailers behind snowmobiles is really something!). She's sweet and genuine, has a cute dog, and holy crap, she basically lives at the north pole!

Another unique home belongs to KRIS ATOMIC and her partner Andrew, who live on a narrowboat full time, cruising the canals of England and mooring at various places. She's witty and artistic, and of course life on the canals, every few weeks moving on to another village, is interesting (they have a cat, too), but man alive is their footage beautiful to look at! It will make you fall in love with the English countryside. I said to my husband, "If we liked our stuff less and each other more, I'd say this is how we should spend our retirement!"--only because these films are so magical to look at. A real stress-soother of a channel.

[soullikethesea]

Hm. I'm feeling really avoidant. Enough so that it constantly feels like I'm stuffing something down.

But... I wish I had T with me. I know I'm not alone exactly, but I still don't feel ready to go and try to face things "alone".

I know I will have to. I don't think I can wait until she gets back because I just might explode from the pressure of keeping things down.

Maybe I can use ChatGPT again. :/

I've also been trying to curb my addiction to my phone. I spend so much time distracting myself, soothing myself, trying to escape these feelings. So. Much. Time. It's really adding unnecessary stress to my life. Like it's another full time job, basically. So I put in some more limits; 15 minutes of Reddit per day, only use Tumblr and Youtube before 8 and after 10 o'clock (when I'm getting ready for bed). Since I'm writing this now, you may know I've failed.

And anyway, I may not be solving the root issue, because I've found that my replacement behaviour is apparently reading books. Pretty harmless, you might think. But I definitely use it as an escape. Reading 4 hours a day, pretty much non-stop whenever you do not work/exercise is maybe not the healthiest thing. In fact, it's exactly what I did as a child before I had access to computers/phones. I don't know who it scares exactly, but it scares a part of me. It brings up those past feelings from when I *really* did not have access to computers/phones. A deep loneliness/aloneness/helplessness...

Well. At least I feel okay when I am working. Last night was really fun at job #2, I really got into a flow and some people thanked me after. Today was the last meeting for something at job #1 and multiple people said they never thought they would say this, but they were going to miss this thing (which people usually dislike/fear/hate). It's pretty neat that I helped people be comfortable and learn new things.

The kitty is a great companion as well. Well... except that she lied on top of me again multiple times last night. She gets very comfortable, but I wake up from it when I try to move. But overall, she shadows me everywhere. Greets me when she comes back from small walks outside. Loves running around. I think we are really fond of each other.

I've also been cleaning and decluttering a bit, which is nice.

But yeah. Reflecting and feeling, not so much. It just feels close to unbearable. :/

[simlicious]

Personal update about my anxiety

Time for another personal update! At the moment, I'm not really in a creative mood and my projects are all resting.

I am working on more stuff in my real life, including cleaning/decluttering my apartment and working through an anxiety app which will hopefully get me to start exposure (though I shudder at the thought alone). The funny thing is, the app is for social anxiety, and I do have some social anxiety, but I think I mainly have agoraphobia (but there is no medical app available for this at the moment, so I took the next best thing). The app said: "Let's make a gradual steps plan, you first choose a very easy step, then one that is a little harder and harder, and so on until the hardest step comes at the top." And for the easiest step, it actually suggested one of my hardest steps: going into a store, buying something, and interacting with the cashier. Checkouts give me such anxiety. I once had a full-blown panic attack because I couldn't remember the PIN number for my credit or debit card. And I very rarely get panic attacks. Luckily, my brother was present and he was able to pay for me while I almost hyperventilated and tears were streaming down my face. Generally, I start sweating and get shaky hands which does not help while handling cards and remembering pin numbers. I get tunnel vision and cannot focus on anything that is going on around me. Sometimes, blood rushes in my ears so I have a hard time picking up whether someone is saying anything. Then, all items need to be put into bags at lightning speed, and I always fear that I am not fast enough and that everyone else in line is annoyed and angry with me and this makes me even more nervous. Putting things away with shaky hands is tough! So I send my boyfriend shopping for me or buy online most of the time. If I absolutely must, I can go shopping with one of my loved ones because I feel a tiny bit calmer and know I have a safety net with me. They can also help me put stuff in my bags. But alone? That's nightmare fuel for me. Same thing with using public transportation, I just can't do it. I also have a very hard time sitting in waiting rooms at the doctor's office, I get so tense and do not know what to do with myself. Oh, and I also have severe anxiety when I need to make a phone call 😫 But all that is seriously impacting my life, as you can imagine. And I want to change something.

Since the app is not helpful with suggestions for my gradually harder steps to take, I have to come up with my own, and it is harder than I thought! All the things I think about are really hard for me, I cannot think of less hard steps to take 😣 Even just going outside without a destination/going out by myself is also anxiety-inducing for me. I feel like I am watched all the time, I get tense and my thoughts start racing or going in circles. This also happens while I am in a store to shop for something. I get paralysed sometimes with decision fatigue and if someone else comes into the same aisle, I have the urge to run away instantly. I get so distracted that I need to spend way more time in a store than usual and this is of course not making me calmer. I am just super exhausted after going shopping! I am proud that I leave the house twice a week now to go for a walk with my best friend though. We have just established a second day of the week this year, and we still do not go twice every week, but pretty often, which is great. And I love to walk in nature, it calms me (if there aren't too many other people around). 😊 I am also making progress with my borked sleep cycle. I am a night owl 🦉, but being awake the whole night clashes a lot with my family's plans. I have tried for months to shift it, but in the last one to two weeks, I actually made real progress and went to bed 2 to 3 hours earlier than normal, which is really huge for me! I found out that there are lots of free audiobooks on YouTube that authors upload themselves. So one hour before I want to sleep, I put one on, set a shutdown timer of 60 minutes so it will turn off after that time, and then go to bed and listen to it until I fall asleep. This has motivated me enough to actually go to bed earlier.

As a result, I get more daylight and I am more inclined to do housework, which I also struggle with in general, so this is really great! I am focusing more on that now. I also started playing Subnautica again, but I can only play for a few hours on end because it can get pretty intense. I kinda want to play Sims 4 again (weird, I know). My anxiety app wants me to think more positively, so instead of thinking that it is no use updating my mods because the minute I do, another patch drops anyway and I have to start all over, I should think more positively. I will probably drop the game after playing for a day anyway, so it does not need to stay updated for long! Maybe downloading and updating mods is more fun than actually playing anyway? 😆

[alicepao13]

John Reardon apparently unfollowed the official account for Hudson & Rex on Instagram and it’s sending people into a spiral of despair, saying it’s a bad sign… any thoughts on that?

Okay, previous disclaimer that I've not spent so much time in social media (aside from this hellsite) still applies. Having said that, I've been aware of this for weeks, I never felt it was something that needed to be shared because... look what it's caused. However, I've also been aware that he had been following close to a thousand accounts up until the summer and now it's like 60% of that, although I have no knowledge of when this unfollowing spree begun. To my embarrassment, I have receipts of all this which was an excellent use of my time lol. Anyway, he's also known for deleting photos from his account every now and then (for years, that's not recent), so maybe that's his way of spring cleaning his account. It's something that, as a tumblr user with over 50K posts who doesn't delete anything, I'll never understand, but a lot of actors do this kind of decluttering. (I also don't understand how one person can follow a thousand accounts in the first place, so there.)

Here's the thing: You don't need to like Shaftesbury (which the hudsonandrex account belongs to) or CityTV to work for them. You don't even need to follow them on social media, or the show's account (which again belongs to Shaftesbury). It would be normal for me if he and his castmates (who also don't follow CityTV, by the way, but follow each other, so that should tell you something) didn't like CityTV because in my eyes, it's a garbage network. And if I can infer it with my limited knowledge from the other side of the world, I can only imagine what they know about it from their position.

[At this point I have to pause to mention that my knowledge of the inner workings of networks is a bit more vast than the average viewer's. But that's concerning my part of the world, not any other country. However. The horror stories I've heard about the industry in my country are not exclusive to it. So, if with this conversation you, Anon, or anyone else can imagine a few bad scenarios, I can probably imagine something worse. We never have the full picture. We'll never even get 30% of the picture of what happened behind the scenes.]

As for Shaftesbury... My opinion on them and whoever was involved in decisions regarding Hudson and Rex went downhill last summer, and that was without me knowing about even half the things I know now. None of this more recent "information" surprised me a great deal when I noticed it. Also, I must make it clear that while I believe in the power of social media, I'm not going to ever lose my head over who follows who. The fact that certain habits from my part in combination with other people's (whom I won't mention) activities led me to this discovery weeks ago was a fluke. I won't explain how it led me to this because it's embarrassing but it had nothing to do with the current situation and it wasn't the result of obsessive checking. In retrospect, obsessive checking might have gotten us better information, though.

I will repeat that you don't need to like your production company or the network it produces your show to work for it, especially when you're not in a robust entertainment industry like the US. I my country, few actors do and those are usually the ones in cahoots with the production companies and the networks, meaning the ones who suck up to them (I've seen instances of that behavior in American showbiz as well so it must be universal), yet thousands of people work for them. Their purpose is not to be any actor's pal or to be liked by them. Their sole purpose is to make money. And that's what we need to press on because if they felt like they were about to gain money by hiring another actor with a smaller salary and instead we make it seem like they're about to lose money, they'll correct course. That's IF they're thinking about this.

So, is it a good thing? Well, no. Does it mean anything? Probably, but it might not be what you think. Does it mean anything definitive? We are not in a position to know. And at least I won't lose time thinking about it more than I already have, even though as it's evident, I'm invested in the show continuing with all of the original cast that we have left. My advice to anyone who is concerned about this? Focus your energy elsewhere. Despair is demoralizing and decisions regarding the future of the show are not a fait accompli, unless anyone has information otherwise. Until then, we should resume pestering the accounts of CityTV, Hudson and Rex, and Shaftesbury, maybe even the other production companies.

[ralkana]

(This is going to be a series of posts over a few months, dealing with my [neverending] battle with clutter. I will be tagging them with "ral's adventures in decluttering" and "decluttering challenge" if you'd like to filter them out.)

Onto the challenge!

Maybe you've heard of the 30-Day Declutter Challenge. Originally, it was designed for you to get rid of 1 item on Day 1, 2 items on Day 2, etc, ending with getting a total of 465 items out of your space. Some people realized this was hard mode and reversed it: getting rid of 30 items on Day 1 and 1 item on Day 30. It's easier in the beginning when you have more stuff to clear!

The variation that appeals most to me is doing 30 days, but not in chronological order. So maybe on Day 1, you get rid of 27 things, and on Day 17, you get rid of 5. Out of order, but the result is the same.

Another variation I've seen is stacked days. Same length of time for the challenge, but maybe one day you clear 7 + 22 on one day, and another day you don't clear any.

My space is cluttered enough that I'm doing Beast Mode. 60 days! If I do this as a 60-day challenge, that gets over 1800 items out of my house.

I know enough about myself, however, to know that if I try to push for 60 straight days, I'll give up on Day 6.

So! I'm doing it over 90 days, and I'm not doing it in chronological order. I'm posting here for accountability. I will post the number of items for the day and the updated post-it wall. By July 12, I'll have removed 1830 unnecessary items, and hopefully, I'll have given myself some room to breathe!

I technically started Sunday but didn't post because I didn't have the post-it notes up.

Sunday, I did a quick 10 minute pass through the kitchen and found:

16 things to trash

37 things to recycle

20 things to donate

73 things to declutter. In a quick 10 minutes!

1st pic is trash, 2nd is recycle, 3rd is donate:

I'm only pulling the 60 post-it, but I'm gonna keep track of the total number as well.

Last night, I did my regular Tuesday clean & chat with @ladytian, and I worked in the Doom Room a bit.

It's always disheartening in there because I worked for nearly an hour, and it doesn't look like I did anything!

BUT!

Actually counting the items I've removed is very helpful because it's concrete evidence that I actually did make progress.

Less than an hour of work, and I've got:

19 things to trash or recycle

38 things to donate

Not great pictures, but I was sleepy. 1st pic is trash/recycle, 2nd pic is donate:

57 things leaving my house!

3 day total: 130 items!

I honestly can't wait to see what the total is at the end of this.

[thescarlettbitch]

Fixing my altar

Due to issues regarding the openness of my beliefs, I've never had a proper altar. A few years ago, I tried to make one, and it got cluttered and destroyed basically, which feels like a fair analogy to how my practice had been for a while.

However, as I've been getting more into my practice and feeling more like myself, I'm going to clean up my altar and make an actual effort into having it look how I want it to. Currently I've been using the old bookshelf that's in my room, but it is a mess, trash everywhere, jewelry, old pay stubs, junk mail. Inanna's bowl and cup are just sitting on the shelf surrounded by trash, and I know she doesn't hate me for it, but I almost hate myself for it. She's very reassuring and understanding of my mental state the past years, and she's telling me I need to be less critical of myself, which I'm grateful for. I just got a couple of things for my altar at my local thrift store (a gorgeous heart shaped dish, a boot shaped shot glass, and some seven day pillar candles) so hopefully my next day off I can get to work cleaning it off and getting it all set up, or at least decluttered.

I do have a slight moral delima.

Many years ago, my ex got me an infinity rose. It's been sitting in the same spot since. Part of me feels drawn to cleanse it and keep it on my altar for Inanna, but another part wants to throw it away and never see it again. But as Inanna's domaine involves love, sex, and also war, I feel like it would be fitting to keep it for her. To change the way I see the object, as roses are a symbol of her. I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts? I know that it really only matters if Inanna is alright with it, so I will ask her, but I wanted to see if anyone else had done something similar and it backfire.

Thank you and blessed be <3

[mstudi0s]

Cleaning = Mind 🎼

🖤 - Bringing clarity and organization to my headspace.

Something that I've always found brings me clarity and really clears up what's going on in my mind is organizing and decluttering. The action of clearing things out and cleaning things off makes me feel like I am getting rid of old energy and ready to start new. It sort of reminds me of a snake shedding its skin to prepare itself for the next month and so it can start off new. 🖤

I know that there are many people who can see tidying up as a stressful task or just another chore on their list, but for me, it's always been therapeutic. I've gotten my greatest ideas just from washing dishes or wiping my nightstand off. And yes, there are definitely other things that do put me into that meditative state of being such as showering, getting ready, or even just eating and / or going for a walk. These work just as well. 🖤

But I feel why I always fall back on chores and cleaning is it gives me this sense of outside control when I'm struggling to control what's inside. In this backward way, it almost returns the power back to me, and I notice that once I am done, there is peacefulness and calmness to my headspace. 🖤

This works for me, and it may not work for everybody here, but I figured I would throw this out there as a way to validate those who do the same thing or even encourage others to try it. See if it works for you, and you can curate it, and have fun with it in a way that it's benefiting you instead of feeling like another chore or stresser on your list of many things to do. 🖤

🎼 - The End

[chvndlr]

task seventeen: spring forward

1. first things first: do you like spring?

Yeah, it's fine I guess. Not my favorite but I don't really have anything against it either.

2. what is your favorite thing about spring?

Look, my favorite season is winter. I like the cold. I like the snow. I like that nobody's trying to get me to hang out at the beach. But I gotta admit the sunshine and the warmer (but not hot) weather feel pretty good.

3. what is your least favorite thing about spring?

I'm gonna be real with you. I fucking hate summer. Spring means we're that much closer to it and that I have another, like, six months before it starts to cool down again.

4. do you have a vegetable / produce / fruit garden?

No. I've thought about starting one, it'd be way better for my cooking than being at the mercy of whatever's in stores. But it's a lot of work and I don't think I've ever kept a plant alive in my life.

5. how about flower beds, or things planted in the house?

My house gives off a certain vibe. That vibe says "I'm 22 and I've never lived anywhere but a college dorm" which, despite not being factually true, feels accurate. Learning how to not kill a houseplant would really go against that aesthetic.

6. regardless of what you do or do not plant, are you good at growing plants? have a green thumb?

I think I've done a very good job explaining I'm fucking terrible at growing shit.

7. what’s your favorite flower or plant?

They're all pretty much the same....(Don't tell Nari I said that)

8. what’s your favorite scent that you associate with spring?

Floral scents. But not like real flowers, like candles.

9. is there a sound that you associate with spring time?

I guess birds chirping? You don't hear them much all winter, cause most of them leave and come back, so when you start to hear them a lot it really feels like spring

10. do you prefer sunny mornings or rainy afternoons?

Rainy afternoons. I'm not usually up early enough in the mornings to be happy about the sunlight coming into my house.

11. favorite thing to do on a sunny, warm spring day?

Take Jenna on a walk

12. favorite thing to do on a rainy, chilly spring day?

Stay inside and invite a friend over to play video games all day

13. do you celebrate Easter? any traditions you follow for it?

Eh, not really. My family was never big into holidays, so they were never a big deal to me as an adult either. No traditions or anything. And it's not really a holiday people get together and party for like Halloween or St. Patrick's Day

14. regardless of if you do or don’t: favorite Easter candy?

Anything chocolate-peanut butter. So Reece's I guess?

15. what other springtime holidays do you observe?

Are there even other spring time holidays? Other than St. Patrick's Day, I mean. Like who the fuck is out here celebrating Memorial Day?

16. favorite place in Merrock to visit in the springtime?

I've been here a couple years but I don't know. Pine Grove Gardens make for good photos in the spring, so I guess we'll go with that.

17. the spring bugs are coming out: do you rescue them and let them out of the house, or grab the nearest shoe?

Shoe. I don't need them getting back in the house the way they came in and fucking up any fruit that's on the counter.

18. are you a big spring cleaner?

Yeah. I didn't come to Merrock with much stuff, so I don't have much to declutter yet. But I am big into making sure every room is deep cleaned at least twice a year - in the spring and in the fall.

19. do you switch over your wardrobe from cold weather to warm weather clothes?

I saw a meme about switching from your winter blacks to your summer blacks, which sums up how I feel. I mostly wear jeans and tshirts year round, so all I really do is put my thicker jackets away for a few months.

20. how about the house: does your decor change for the spring season? do you rearrange furniture?

Yeah, I tend to switch out my decor every few months so it doesn't feel boring. It's been awhile since I rearranged furniture though. I like where it's at now.

21. what color makes you think ’spring’?

Pastels, right? Isn't that the big thing every year? The easter bunny is usually made in pastels, I notice a lot more pastel clothing when I'm doing photoshoots too

22. describe your perfect spring outfit:

Same thing I wear every day. I don't really think about my clothes unless I need to dress up more. And even then, I just make sure I look nice enough without putting a whole lot of energy into it. most adorable looking baby animal that you ever did see?

23. what’s a drink that makes you think of spring?

Mint julep. Couldn't explain the connection to you, but I seem to have them more in the spring than any other time of year

24. how about a snack?

Easy, peeps.

[whats-wild-to-you]

Hellooo! I hope you’re doing well and healthy :)

Can I request you write a smut if you’re comfortable and when you have time

So the reader is playing with herself to Reply by Jay and he catches her

Thank you 🫶🏻

Goddamn! 🥵🥵 THAT SONG !!! It’s been a while since I wrote a smut 🫣🤭

Also, why are Jay’s sexy songs always so damn descriptive. They’re like a manual on how to seduce him 🥵

________________________________________

With Jay being away so much, it gave you an opportunity to declutter your shared home. You had wanted to do it for a while but always procrastinated.

Your phone beeping startled you, and you almost spilled your coffee.

Baby, I’m coming back early! Did you miss me? Tonight, you are going to be all I’ll be concentrating on 😊

Even though he attached an innocent looking emoji at the end, your cheeks almost immediately heated up.

Right. No more delays. You’d clean up and prepare his favorite dish for him.

It was past 10pm and you still waited for Jay, barely able to keep both eyes open. The food was cold and your outfit felt uncomfortable. All you wanted was to take off your clothes and lie in bed.

But just in that moment, another text lit up your screen.

I’ll be home in 30 minutes 😏

You chuckled, staring at the flirty message. Immediately you felt alert and went to the kitchen to get some candles. With the mood set, you looked through your CD collection for some slow music to put on but no song seemed fitting.

Then you remembered how you found some of Jay’s old albums earlier today. Without thinking too much, you decided to put on EYW.

First, lock the door girl

Cus this song is rated R

Focus now

Listen baby to what I am trying to say

Take off your T-shirt first

Take your pants off too

Don't take off your underwear

Leave your bra and underwear on

“Good Lord!” You chuckled, but felt the heat rise to your cheeks.

You leaned back on the sofa and closed your eyes. It had been 9 weeks since Jay left and you missed him terribly. His voice, his laugh, his touch. His body weight on you.

Driven by an all-consuming desire, you slowly unbuttoned your jeans, shimmying out of it and dropping it on the ground. Next it was your cropped top that landed unceremoniously on the floor.

You wore your fanciest, sexiest underwear today, your lace panties caused an arousing friction. Getting rid of them first, then lastly taking off your bra, you laid there completely naked, letting Jay’s voice slowly caress your body

Don't move and close your eyes

Imagine my tattoos touching your body

I'm standing here so keep looking at my body

Tonight, I wanna make your bed into an ocean

Automatically, your hand landed on your pussy, as you started playing with yourself, not surprised at all that Jay’s voice was enough to get you wet.

You moaned loudly, your other hand massaging your breasts rather roughly, imagining that Jay’s fingers caressed your body, touching every inch of you.

[Jay’s POV]

Completely exhausted, I punched the numbers on the keypad and watched the door spring open. Dragging my luggage inside, I was startled when I heard one of my songs playing.

I noticed the lights were turned off. Instead, candles dipped the place in a soft light, creating a sensual atmosphere.

I chuckled. I missed my girl and wanted to nail her to the bed. Judging by the setup, I guessed she was feeling the same way.

I was just about to call her name when I stopped dead in my tracks.

I was marveling at the sight in front of me, my mouth dropped open, my eyes glued on her.

There she was, laying naked on the couch playing with herself, while my song was playing on repeat.

Her eyes were closed and her head thrown back. I knew she didn’t hear me coming in, otherwise she would’ve panicked. Who knew a sexy vixen laid dormant inside her?

Debating whether I should make my presence known or slip past her to the bedroom, the choice was taken away from me when she suddenly opened her eyes, realizing she was no longer alone.

She stared at me in shock, her fingers still on her swollen pussy. I realized what was happening. She was close to climax. Throwing her head back again, she moaned loudly, making my dick twitch.

Covering herself with a blanket, she got up rather clumsily, I assumed because her legs were still wobbly, and walked towards the stereo. Turning the music off, she looked at me with her best poker face on.

“You’re late.”

I wanted to protest, say that I hadn’t given her a specific time window, therefore I couldn’t be late, but my throat was dried up.

“I made dinner. You can wash up while I reheat it.”

Am I being punk’d?

We had dinner in silence, when I finally put the fork down, sighing from all the pent up sexual frustration.

“Are you for real? We’re not going to talk about what happened earlier?”

“I thought we did! I told you you were late.”

A glint in her eyes, she yelped when I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder like a sac of potatoes, taking her to the bedroom.

“You know I’ve made a playlist full of songs like this. Buckle up honey, it’s going to be a long night!”

[stressedlawsecretary]

Today's Focus

11.14.24 - Almost to the end of the week; we are feeling out of touch today my friends so we're going to brew an extra cup of coffee to keep us going.

Work - Okay yesterday I spent all day arguing with Woodbourne over setting up a teleconference; turns out they thought it was a video conference, despite my providing the teleconference information. Now, I have to go back to SJC's new case and follow up on tracking those defendants.

Background Noise - Still at home, although soon I'll be going in on Fridays until the office is back to normal. However, I'm doing well getting stuff off my DVR; I want to have a lot of room for while dad's away in Syracuse. Also did another 32 or so videos off my Watch Later yesterday and while dad's gone I'm going to binge tf out of YT.

Study - It is Thursday, so if I get an opportunity I'm going to try and read more of Twin Terror especially; it's book reading day and I can focus pretty well on that one. I did watch on YT a video on Russian kidnapping of Ukrainian children, one on the failure of mobile game advertising, a few on true crime/news stories, and a couple of long news programs on my DVR. I think I did 'visual study' pretty well, plus I read a couple of press releases and like 11 random articles.

Extras - Thursday means I have to make sure trash goes to the curb; that being said, Dad is going to be gone for dinner - out with my sister at the movies - so I don't have to cook. I am going to do some cleaning/decluttering though; I want to use some of my empty candle jars to organize my drink area in the pantry. More Kamen Rider W and Zombieland Saga: Revenge today; I think after Zombieland Saga we're going to re-watch/continue My Next Life as a Villianess followed by the five seasons I just obtained of In Living Color. I also think I might want to re-watch Major Payne before starting on the Despicable Minions series.

[woodviewcottage]

Why I went from being a minimalist to a maximalist...

Before the Farmhouse look was gaining attention, I really loved the primitive decor. My house then got full sunlight, so it didn't really seem so dark to me and I do love some vintage and antique pieces. But as the Farmhouse look started gaining traction in a big way, I just fell in love with it. It was bright, open, and looked so crisp and clean. So, I did away with all my primitive stuff, all of my antiques (including the very first tv ever made) and I decluttered everything. Went very simplistic with my decor and furniture pieces. I had pops of color with pillows and curtains -- really loved the pop of the teal-ish blue that got so big. It was very easy to keep clean. It always looked clean. It always seemed so bright.

I still loved the vintage and antiques but I only looked at and admired them. Never bought them.

After almost 20 years of living in the same house ad raising my children there on the farm, we moved. We bought another house a few miles away on the top of the mountain, back in the woods.

I tried for 2-3 years to turn this cottage into the same look. Over the past year or so, I realized that I really didn't like the fact that I had to dig out anything I needed bc I kept the countertops so minimal and clean. I started not to like my coffee table and bedside tables and countertops and walls being so bare. It started feeling stale and uncomfortable.

I hadn't realized before but I was equating a clean and minimal look to comfort. And it's really not the same at all.

Listen, I am a clean freak. Everything has a place, an angle in which it sits, has to be were it goes, cannot be crooked on the walls, cannot be dirty or dusty. I cannot go more than a day without vacuuming, no more than 3 days without mopping. I'm super weird about it. It used to dive my husband crazy wen we were first married, but he's since gotten used to it and has now crossed over to my OCD side.

Anyway, I missed my old pieces that had so much character, had their own stories, had a long life before I found them. I started looking up cottage designs bc that's what we bought and I wanted it to be true to it's personality.

What I absolutely love about the cottage core aesthetic are the colors, the different textures, wallpapers(!) -- love some wallpaper, the charm, the mixed patterns, the character, the story it shares with people. It's almost fairytale - like to me. With cottage core, you can do bright, you can do dark, you can do both. You can have each room tell its own story. You can be moody and sexy in the bedroom but bright and light in the living room. You can do golds and florals and pinks in the kitchen. You can do PINK, period! I love a light pink and my husband doesn't mind my love for pink at all. (I think since I'm home all day, he just decided to let me run with whatever if it kept me busy and made me happy.)

I love the sunlight (when it finally reaches my windows in the late morning) but I also really love keeping the house's character and surroundings in tact and complimentary to each other.

I was about to give up on this house. I prayed and prayed and prayed for us to find something else. Until one day I realized God had answered my prayers...just not in the way I asked. He gave me a renewed vision, a new inspiration for what this house could be, how we could have the added square footage and bedrooms we needed. He told me: you need to learn to love and appreciate what you have instead of wanting what you can't have.

Bc of His plans for me, we decided to build onto the house in an unconventional way. We decided to use wall mounted solariums, greenhouses, and conservatories for a new master bedroom, a "parent cave" to watch what we want on tv or read or to have gatherings or whatever, and a breakfast room on the backside of the kitchen. The cost is much less than building on. It gives the house a unique aesthetic on the exterior, as well as the interior. It adds much needed light to come into the house. And it almost doubles our square footage. A cottage home is such a lovely home to own. There's so much you can do.

And since changing from minimalist farmhouse to a cottage core aesthetic, I am once again surrounded by the vintage and antique pieces I love so much and have them all out on display -- like my three beautiful complete sets of gold lined china.

What's your aesthetic? Why do you like it? What about it gives you comfort or makes it feel like home to you?

[frogsandfries]

My sister busted her leg and the lawn can't wait another six weeks. So I'm going to mow the front lawn in twenty minute increments this week. If anyone wants to bitch about the back lawn, they can eat my ass.

I busted my dominant hand thumb trying to get in before the animals got out.

The puppy chewed through his leash this morning and got picked up by a fucking stranger, taken into her car.

This day is just cursed.

We had the housekeepers in today. They emptied my bathroom organizer and reorganized it for no reason. They threw out my soap pouch that I just broke in a few months ago to give me a good lather. It had my blackberry soap from Naturally Enchanted Soapworks. They threw away the barely used conditioner bar. They put my garage shelves out in the garbage.

But they did finally get my sister's stuff unpacked. She got the piercing jewelry all put away. She's going to see about putting together this recliner tomorrow. The porch is decluttered. The kitchen is decluttered--and clean. And I'm going to do my best to keep it that way. The house feels much more manageable now...........as long as I don't have to take care of my sister's animals. Which, as I've mentioned, are numerous.

Anyway, the great thing about busting my thumb is, the transfer paper is supposed to be here tomorrow. I was genuinely looking forward to doing some color in traditional media.

[meditating-dog-lover]

Cleaning - my skin is happy

So I have a 4 day weekend, which is great because work can be exhausting. However I know my skin was going to get irritated because my house is cluttered.

I know allergens and irritants do trigger my skin. I know eczema is an inflammatory condition. So are painful menstrual cramps, which I used to struggle a lot with. Now since I started taking vitamin D and fish oil for inflammation, my cramps are much more tolerable, to the point where I feel fatigued and sleepy and some pain (I don't feel like the women running around in white pants in the commercials) but it's much better than how I felt in the past, where I would stay home from work/classes laying in bed crying. I know that if I reduced my inflammation, there is something that causes eczema and not period cramps that I haven't addressed it. And of course, allergens and irritants are definitely a trigger.

My diet has been good and I'm eating anti-inflammatory foods and I'm drinking a lot of matcha tea. I'm taking vitamin D and omega-3 fatty acids for anti-inflammatory nutrients, and spirulina (I've gotten used to the taste). I'm not eating a lot of sugar and junk. I know diet is a huge component when it comes to inflammation, but it's not 100%. Though it's definitely a huge important factor which is more important than others. In fact I might even cancel my appointment and speak to my aunt about this.

But there is most certainly an allergen component, because my skin clears up at work where there is good ventilation. My face was so red yesterday and I took an allegra pill and applied some benadryl gel to my hands, face, and neck. My mom, who also deals with bad allergies and had severe eczema when she was my age, told me that would help. This morning I woke up and spent the entire day cleaning my room. Removing a ton of clutter and stuff I do not need. Sometimes it goes way beyond just vacuuming, dusting, and running an air filter. It needs hours of decluttering. I'm so satisfied and relieved. I got rid of so much stuff I do not need. My skin feels better already. I feel like I can breathe in my room.

On top of my anti-inflammatory diet and supplementation, my next step is to declutter my house and just organize and being up to date with cleaning. This will help so much. My skin is less angry at me. So diet and decluttering are 2 main goals I want to develop for now.

Other sources of irritation are gut inflammation and toxin exposure, which is why I take the spirulina. Taking that doesn't require as much effort as cooking and buying anti-inflammatory foods and deep cleaning my house. But it is worth scheduling an appointment with my doctor to discuss all this. And how I can guarantee a healthy gut and toxin removal. Again it's as simple as finding a supplement and taking it regularly. It's not something that requires active maintenance like an anti-inflammatory diet and decluttering. Nor do I think they are as important. But it's worth asking about both.

The next step would be to do autism testing. It's quite hard to book an appointment, unfortunately. Not many offices near me offer it. But I know it will work out.

Final steps would be to consistently workout and go to a dentist with my mom.

So overall the main goals would be to stick to my anti-inflammatory diet and to declutter and clean my house regularily. Then we'll see where the next step takes me. I don't want spend a lot of time, energy, and money on seeing doctors and my mom and sister have been more helpful in many ways than doctors have been. Such as recommending an anti-inflammatory diet and how to effectively clean and manage allergies. My dad told me about intermittent fasting and may aunt about spirulina. Sometimes our loved ones know best.

It can also help to switch to less irritating cleaning and skin/hair products like soaps, cleansers, shampoos, body washes, deodorants, laundry detergents, and dish soaps. Even maybe a shower water filter attachment. This is another goal to look into and I'm not really good and finding alternatives. I'll see.

[foolingmoon]

01.10.24

grateful for the clarity that was reflected back to me by times i was least expecting it;

a combination of solitude last week, focused writing in october, many relationshippy talks over the last year, and the recognition now that i let go of things a little too late because i'm afraid of the change that will ensue

decluttering my room looool / watching caroline winkler talk about hoarding and emotional attachments - something finally clicking about not just my being afraid to do certain things but how i would be stuck in this particular way if i stayed afraid

s who was like "cleaning my room changed my personality"

illusory fear & illusory prerequisites

the triage of questions - do i have enough time, can i trust in my present ability, can i trust in my ability to adjust accordingly

[seeing a, who is 21, and n, who is 29 - people four years younger and older than me, embodying a way of living i admire very much]

believing in the day to day, in being alive and working at things on a day to day, not just with an end destination // the definition that n shared about faith [in life?] as believing there will be time to get everything you want to

[my want to not treat relationships as disposable and then my unwillingness to part; part of that is also my needing to be live & engaged if not attached - wanting someone to be cared for even if i can't be that person]

recognizing how strongly activating the fear of abandonment keeps me from becoming attached; but also, how that fear is also the manifestation of care and love

recognizing how much someone is like family to me, but they need not remain attached to me in this particular way [and me being afraid of losing them, their only wanting to be in my life in a specific form]

on my in/out list for this year -- out: relying on others for self-respect / in: remembering that no one can take that from you // out: extreme oscillations between enmeshment and estrangement in: nurturing space for oneself & connection in ways that encourage me to grow and stretch sustainably [sharing joyful moments and tough times]

w n, talking about how love can take different forms, reminiscing about the sweet pod that was them, s, c, and me - how our relationships to one another have dramatically changed since then

when s asked about the difference between self-trust, confidence, and faith. the glasses of makgeolli he, n, and i gabbed about this over

r, talking about the need to stay with the uncertainty around money ["my mother is the boot heel of capitalism"]

sigrid nunez [via n] - "when i think of the men i've been with every one of them stood between me and my writing" - which made me recognize how i behave in every romantic relationship i've had so far has gotten in the way of me learning how to show up for myself

1) work really pre/figures one's life for better and for worse 2) my relationship to work is v bad 3) i need a lot of space to form a healthy one to work and constructively move through discomforts -- work in the sense of what it feels to feel like a wholly alive player in my life

with s, taking the 22 in the reverse direction to the point i used to commute to from the other side of the city, talking about platonic friendships; our laughing-til-we-cry about the silly little guys we have liked who our friends would (or simply did) not like at worst, were indifferent to at best