#so this is your last chance to ignore this bitch baby bullshit im about to spew out

[friendandphoe]

/deep sigh

[hornsbeforehalos]

Waste Love: Part Sixteen

Pairing: Colson Baker|Machine Gun Kelly x OFC Warnings: Language, Alcohol and Drug Use, Smut, Violence, Angst, Fluff A/N: Sorry this took forever! I know I been slacking plus my internet being bullshit. I should be back on my jam though soon! 

“So when I get back we gotta get the living situations figured out.” Colson said into the receiver, his phone cradled in between his cheek and shoulder as he focused on rolling the joint in front of him, “We gotta get all your stuff across the country.”

“What are you talking about?” Tiffany chuckled from her end of the line, her voice light and airy and making Colson miss home more than ever before. 

“What do you mean, ‘What am I talkin’ ‘bout?’” Colson asked, confusion contorting his voice slightly as he furrowed his brow before licking the glue of the paper and twisting the spliff closed. 

“I’m not moving in with you, Colson.” She replied, her tone obvious and knowing. He could picture her rolling her eyes at him and giving him that look she always gave him, but this time, instead of making him smile and laugh, irritation prickled through him as he snatched the lighter out of Rooks hand beside him. He ignored the “What the fuck?” from his friend and stood from the couch, his feet stomping loudly as he retreated to the bedroom of the suite.

“The fuck you mean you’re not movin’ in?” Colson demanded as he slammed the door to the room shut. His voice was lowered but still stained with venom as he gritted his teeth and walked towards the balcony. 

Colson heard her sigh as he sparked the joint, annoyance bleeding through the line when she replied, “I’ve already explained this shit to you, Colson, please don’t.”

“Nah, fuck that,” he retorted, inhaling deeply from the joint, “It ain’t cuz your fuckin’ job. I talked to Reedus and he straight up said you could work from wherever.”

“The fuck? You went behind my back and-“

“Nah, stay on the fuckin’ subject, bitch.” Colson interrupted, hitting the joint again quickly, “I want the real fuckin’ reason. You’re supposed to be my goddamn wife.” 

“Oh what the fuck ever, Colson,” Tiffany huffed, her voice raising with her anger, “I don’t wanna hear that shit. Im not some dumb fucking bimbo like all the other bitches you keep around.”

“So now we back on this bullshit, huh?”

“Do you really think I’m stupid, Kels? Seriously? Or blind or some shit?” Tiffany snapped, yelling through the phone, “I see everything, even when I’m not fucking there. Like the three blonde whores that were in the hotel last night. Or the brunette in the bus the night before. Or the-“

“Forreal? So now you’re on some stalker shit?” Colson replied, a sarcastic chuckle leaving his lips before taking another hit, “You think I’m fuckin around?”

“Stalker shit?!” Tiffany shreaked, her voice so loud, he had to pull the screen away from his ear, “You think that’s me being a fuckin’ stalker, mother fucker? Are you on fucking crack?”

A loud, guttural, roar came through the line, followed by the loud crash of something glass breaking in the background. 

“Sounds like some shit a stalker would do.” Colson replied with a shrug, taunting her. 

“Fuck you, Colson. You’re a fucking bitch, you know that? This whole fucking engagement is just as much a big ass joke to you as it is me.”

“So its all a joke, huh?” Colson asked, his lips hissing as he held in a cloud of smoke for a moment before letting it be pushed from his lungs, “Me asking you to marry me in front of fifty thousand people was a fucking joke?”

“Apparently! You flew to fucking Paris the next night and fucked four different bitches, you nasty fucking whore!” She screamed back, her voice cracking and hoarse. Colson pictured her crying, mascara running down her face as she yelled at him with all the anger in her heart that he had in his. Except he was angry at himself. 

He knew people were taking pictures when he walked through that hotel, and he knew that that dumb slut had been recording on the bus, and that someone had seen him in Paris. Cameras were constantly in his face no matter where he was.  He didn’t know why, but for some reason he just believed it either wouldn’t get back to her, or that she somehow magically wouldn’t care. 

He knew better. 

“You know how fucking embarrassing it is to have your engagement in a TMZ article one night and then see one with your fiancé with another bitch right beside it the next day?” Tiffany gritted out, her voice low and seething, “But did you hear me say one fucking thing about it to you? Huh? Or any of the others? Huh?”

Grinding his teeth together, Colson couldn’t even get his jaw to open as he ground out a “No.”

“And now you wanna throw a fucking tantrum and wonder WHY I won’t throw every thing that I’ve busted my ass for over the last year away for you? Why I refuse to call you anything other than my good friend, even though right now I wouldn’t consider you that, either.”

“So what? You never wanted to marry me? Everything don’t mean shit?” He huffed, his chest tightening as he stomped the rest of the roach into the ashtray forcefully.

“Of course I want to marry you, Colson! But we both know that you’re not fucking serious about any of it! I’m not going to call you my husband when every time I open Twitter, I’m being tagged in videos of you with your tongue down another bitches throat!” 

“Mannn,” Colson whined, sucking his gums before standing up and leaning over the balcony, the Italian skyline boring and unappealing to him as he fought with her, “I didn’t fuck none of them bitches, and you know that.”

“No, I don’t.” She replied, her voice even, though still venomous, “When you’re Machine Gun Kelly, you have no rules. You do whatever you want, without consequence.”

Colson knew she was right, as much as he didn’t want to admit it. But he also knew that he was telling her the truth, he hadn’t fucked anyone else but her, which made him all the more frustrated. He wanted her to believe him, but he understood why she couldn’t. His chest ached with the need for her to trust him, but hell, could he really even trust himself?

Before he had a chance to think of a reply, she continued, “I’m supposed to be apart of the family but my own brother has your back more than mine. Slim, Dre, all of them, they look at you like you really are some golden god or something that can do no wrong. They look at me like they did Ashley and Amber- temporary. Which is exactly why Rook didn’t want me with you. He knew this was how it was gonna go.”

Her voice was still low but the anger and hate was gone, replaced by sadness and defeat, “I let you back in my life as Colson, forgetting that I know Machine Gun Kelly too. While I’m in love with both, right now neither one is ready to get married.”

“So what? You don’t wanna be with me or somethin’?” Colson questioned, pushing off the railing and moving to sit back down in the chair, his back hunched over as he rested his elbow on his knee, “If you been feelin’ like this, why haven’t you said shit?”

She sighed again, her breath shaky as she sniffed, “I want to be with you, Cols. I really do. I love you, but if we’re going to be serious then you need to be serious.”

“I am serious, Tiff. I’m not playing when I said I didn’t fuck them chicks. Yeah, I shouldn’t have been doing that shit regardless, but I never put my dick in them. This shit ain’t easy for me, and I need you to tell me when I’m outta pocket. Especially if it got you feelin’ like this.” 

“I’m not tryna change who you are, Kels. I want you to know that.”

“I know you ain’t. But if I want you to be my wife then there’s shit I gotta do.”

Colson took a deep breath and let it out in a whoosh, relief flooding through him at the knowledge that she wasn’t going to leave him. Determination replaced his anxiety and anger and he straightened his posture, rubbing his jaw with his fingertips as he thought to himself. 

“I love you, Tiff. An’ I don’t care what you say, you’re gonna marry me. I’mma prove to you that I’m serious about this shit, for real.”

She let out a chuckle, the sound making him smile, “I hope so, Kels. Just stop with the moving shit, please?”

His smile widened as he let out his own snort, “Oh, baby, gimme a month and you’ll be the one begging to move in.”

—

Tiffany sat at the baggage claim, scrolling through her Instagram feed with a bored look on her face while she waited for her luggage to come through the revolving belt. She smiled at the screen in her hand, unable to keep the eye roll from appearing as she watched her brother’s story. A obviously drunk Colson pointed to the camera, his grin goofy and pale eyes unfocused.

“What do you wanna say to the folks at home, Kels?” Rook laughed, his own voice laced with inebriation.

“I jus’ wanna say that I fucking love you, Tiffany Cappalletty.” Colson slurred, his lips puckering as he leaned in to kiss the phone, “Muah! I love you baby, I miss you, and I’ll be home soon!”

Tiffany snorted and shook her head, clicking the screen closed when she finally spotted the black and purple luggage being spat out of the machine. 

She cocked and eyebrow at the man standing in front of her when she turned around after pulling her bag off the conveyor belt, “You seen me struggle with that shit and just let it happen, asshole.”

“It was cute. Plus I wanted to see the pride in your eyes when you got to done.” Her father responded with a shrug, pulling her into his side as his arm wrapped around her shoulders. “How was your flight, baby girl?” 

“Fine, when the thing finally took off.” She scoffed, shaking her head as they headed towards the exit and into the parking garage. 

“Everything’s all set up, right?” Tiffany questioned, her eyes narrowing as she looked to her dad over the top of the car after opening the door, “You did what I asked?”

“Yes, dear,” he replied sarcastically, smirking at his daughter before climbing into the vehicle, “Only one small issue.”

“Oh Lord,” Tiffany whined as she plopped herself into the seat with a groan, “What the fuck happened?”

“Nothing major,” Pop clarified, smirking at her as he reversed out of the parking space, “Just a small change of plans.”

The ride back to her dads house was easy and quick as the duo talked and listened to music like they always did, and Tiffany’s smile was beaming when they finally pulled into the drive way. 

It faded, through, when she noticed how many cars where parked around the street. 

“Daaaad, they fucking didn’t!” She groaned, stomping her feet childishly before pushing the door to the car open and climbing out, “Why didn’t you tell me?!”

Her father’s explanation iwas cut short when the front door of the house burst open, Colson, Rook, Slim, and Baze all bounding out recklessly with beaming smiles on their faces.

“Tiffanyyyyyy!” Slim screeched before tackling the poor girl, a deep whoosh of breath leaving her when her back hit the plush grass. A dog pile ensued, with Colson being the at the top, Tiffany’s breath crushed out of her but a smile still planted across her face. 

“Get the fuck off me, assholes!” She choked, smacking Slim’s side and Rook’s head the best she could. The boys rolled off of her, all laughing as they pulled her to her feet. Colson snatched her hand easily and reeled her into him, his lips attaching to hers as his long arms wrapped around her tiny frame. 

“Tryna throw a party without me, I see.” Colson teased, nodding his head to towards the thumping music coming from the house.

Tiffany smirked and rolled her eyes, her hand coming across to smack his chest, “You’re the one that started without me.”

“Well lets go play catch up, girl!” Her father laughed, waving everyone inside.

Colson pulled her into his side, his arm draped over her shoulders as he leaned in to kiss her temple. “It’s good to be home.”

“Yeah,” she replied, looking up to him with a smile, “it really is.”

Masterlist

Tags:  @cobainscocaiine @coffee-obsessed-writer @through-thesilver-lining @daryldixonandfrogs @buckyscrystalqueen @mgkobsessed @iamdorka @creatureofthen1ght-v3 @xxencagedxx @xxkellsvixen19xx  @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk @bvibunny138 @crystalbaby12 @abbysdogcollar

*credit for the bomb ass banner is to best friend @coffee-obsessed-writer

[punkscowardschampions]

Ronnie & Joe

Ronnie: still stalking mckenna Joe: what, we can't BOTH like music? Joe: that's gonna be problematic for me tbh Ronnie: mozarts ghost aint gonna possess him in the encore Ronnie: you can fuck off Joe: you can enjoy your night Joe: I'll take my chances Ronnie: take your chances somewhere else Ronnie: or you wont have any Joe: you looking out for me? Joe: not necessary, I promise Joe: you look like you got your hands full as is Ronnie: its a threat Ronnie: shouldnt be necessary Joe: my apologies for making you work harder but its still not cutting it Ronnie: [throws something at him in a dangerous manner watch out everyone] Ronnie: we can both be into cutting Ronnie: not a problem for me Joe: [when he's probably with his flatmate or similar like they will complain honey they basics lmao, meanwhile just like 😏] Joe: careful, people will think you care Ronnie: what fucking people Ronnie: your girlfriend Joe: for one Ronnie: muzzle your bitch or give her shit to sink her teeth into Ronnie: it aint complicated Joe: I don't think not glassing randoms is exactly rocket science either Ronnie: nothing random about you Ronnie: you fucking wish Joe: you want some projection with that Joe: I found you, remember Ronnie: wasnt hiding nancy Ronnie: not still a runaway kid Joe: then don't hide Joe: I weren't looking for you, alright Ronnie: bullshit Ronnie: you said there aint no other bastards Joe: I meant tonight Joe: this is just coincidence, nothing more Ronnie: leave then Ronnie: your buyers remorse is about as welcome as you Joe: hardly Joe: that's not what it is either Ronnie: they were all out of shiny sisters baby Ronnie: take what you can get Joe: I've already got one of them Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: i remember Joe: you don't want a refill then Joe: replace the one you tossed Ronnie: you on the spectrum or do you not wanna read social cues Joe: well I ain't leaving either way but if you don't wanna make the most outta it Joe: 👍 Ronnie: keep putting words in my mouth & see what happens to yours like Joe: what spectrum are you on if you think that constitutes a please and thanks Ronnie: take it up with your ma Ronnie: she wasnt about to teach me how to play nice Joe: not really her forte Ronnie: thats why im still waiting for my plane ticket home yeah Joe: possibly Joe: I don't know Ronnie: 💔 Ronnie: how olds your good sister Joe: jury is out on good Joe: but 14 so we'll wait and see Ronnie: ill fucking drink to that Ronnie: if she was a write off shed already be Joe: depends on your perspective Joe: I try not to have one Joe: [is at bar] Ronnie: depends on your mas Ronnie: we cant all be black sheep Joe: exactly Joe: they don't really get on Joe: but she's probably just dreading the PTSD a teen pregnancy scare will bring Ronnie: should have kept me around Joe: yeah Ronnie: 1 more abortion and your country would offer me a fucking exorcism Ronnie: fun for all the family Joe: some girls have all the luck Joe: would not believe how hard it is for a lad to get one 🙄 Joe: [just putting the drinks for 'em on their table, when Charlie probs gonna flirt with you like oh hey] Ronnie: your girlfriend will let you hold her hand for her 1st Ronnie: stop sticking it in your cello & youll knock her up in no time Ronnie: [just staring at the drink like you've never seen one before] Joe: come on, she's CoE if I've ever seen it Joe: abortions? sure, but exorcisms ❌ Joe: [tryna just walk off but you know they'd be like who are you hello?! 'cos annoying lmao] Ronnie: not in ireland anymore baby Ronnie: [when you walk off like where the fuck have you got to be my dear] Joe: [at least he's not gonna drop the bomb, just being vague af like oh we met once or whatever goodbye] Joe: you gone yourself? 🛫🍀 Ronnie: on whos 💰 Joe: idk, your pals maybe Joe: but I've fucked off so he can at least top up your drink 'cos its long gone too Ronnie: wanker Ronnie: [comes back and punches charlie love you boy] Joe: [just wait 'til you have your own mindblown with that crazy connection boy] Joe: ✊ Ronnie: [gives him the biggest fuck you look ever like I can't believe you typed that] Joe: [just loling a lil 'scuse him company its not at whatever you said] Ronnie: [comes over, ignoring everyone else obvs, to drink his entire drink and walk off again] Joe: [omg stop flirting you two, everyone like what is going on tbh] Ronnie: [dancing with charlie cos he don't take kindly to being punched but you don't wanna answer his questions either] Joe: [save it for later you nosy hoe] Ronnie: [when you see his poor flatmate going to pee and follow her intimidatingly soz bitch] Joe: [this poor girl is in no way prepared lmao] Ronnie: [thinking she's about to get mugged or murdered] Joe: [when you're 18 and its your first time away from home no doubt this poor girl honestly] Ronnie: you deffo she aint catholic Ronnie: could see her in a penguin house Joe: weren't a question on the flatmate icebreakers Joe: shoulda asked for some segregrated accomodation but thought londoners were meant to be post-religion post-everything so Ronnie: 💔 it aint god its you baby Ronnie: shes no londoner Joe: no, I do know that one Joe: she's from Kent, I think Joe: or Surrey? Ronnie: not holy holier than tho Ronnie: u Ronnie: never gonna please a horse girl mckenna Joe: 😏 Joe: I'll not go there then Ronnie: charlies fucking easy to please Ronnie: youve done the 1 drink minimum & youll avoid the pregnancy scare Joe: I think he's the one that does the pleasing Joe: so I've been assured Ronnie: gets him off dont worry like Joe: I'll sleep easy now, tah Ronnie: lullabies are shit but yeah Joe: 🤞 that ain't his encore either Ronnie: if it aint opening an artery to spray the crowd count me the fuck out Joe: I wouldn't hold your breath Joe: though might be more fun Ronnie: [dramatically holds her breath in his direction like kids do] Joe: [just watching 'cos weird and into it] Ronnie: [lowkey going purple probably because you know she won't stop til she hits the deck] Joe: [just watching 'til the last sec when you obvs gonna catch her] Ronnie: [giving him a look when he does like we have to stop meeting like this but then exposing his tattoo wherever that is cos gotta check that really happened] Joe: [I hope you didn't opt for your booty, lol, probably inner bicep moment or something 'cos not that bitch getting those out at any chance] Ronnie: [just touching it like you're not shamelessly flirting with your brother okay then] Joe: [just looking at her face hardcore 'cos you can pretend you're checking her tat too] Ronnie: [when you come back to yourself and remember you're supposed to hate him for being your brother so you push him away unnecessarily hard and retreat to your corner] Joe: [go off to the bathroom yourself boy] Ronnie: [french exit while he's gone even though it'll make Charlie more annoying] Joe: [have fun Joseph] Joe: you missed the bloodbath Ronnie: made my own Joe: safer bet Joe: on all counts Ronnie: safer for your girlfriend Ronnie: & you Joe: you know she ain't my girlfriend Ronnie: no shit you dont wanna claim that conquest Joe: wrong again Joe: not gonna bang my flatmate who pays the bigger part of the rent 'cos she gets the en-suite Joe: give me some credit Ronnie: shed give you some if you gave it up to her Ronnie: but if youd rather pay rent Joe: there's no way I can keep that going 4 years Ronnie: she aint hacking it Ronnie: you can fucking smell the homesickness Joe: its like, down the road init Joe: ugh Ronnie: & Ronnie: she cant fit her horse in the en suite baby Joe: 😂 Joe: true..I'll make some rich friends to move in when she gallops off into the sunset then Ronnie: theyll not slum it with you for 4 years Joe: but I'm so charming Joe: what's the solution then, sis? Ronnie: sell yourself or kill yourself Joe: 👌 Joe: already with ya Ronnie: yeah dead connected us Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: you're the only one that's allowed to be suicidal? Ronnie: oldest cunt gets dibs Ronnie: aint that how this sibling shit plays Ronnie: whatever you wanna do ive already done it Joe: half the time Joe: but the other half is youngest gets away with it 'cos they're cuter so Ronnie: cause theyre a crybaby Ronnie: yeah you can have that soft lad Joe: 😥 bit of a prerequisite for the suicide Joe: so generous Ronnie: i left you alive so you can do yourself in Ronnie: since youve got such a boner for it Ronnie: generosity begins & ends Joe: You can stop thinking about my boners then Joe: that'll be my attempt at the virtue Ronnie: put em away Joe: you tryna expose me Ronnie: you dont need my help Ronnie: flashers keep more hidden than you Joe: really Joe: don't seem like that's something that would bother you Ronnie: youre that special mckenna Ronnie: every fucking thing you do bothers me Joe: 💘 Joe: check facebook some more, I'll keep my events up to date Joe: can avoid each other easy Ronnie: nah you see me you walk the other way Joe: I got places to be babe Ronnie: yeah a&e Ronnie: if you dont get the fuck outta my face Joe: see, you're well about it Joe: I got it, yeah, we're not family Ronnie: were nothing Ronnie: & if thats what gets you off pay for it like the other cunts do Ronnie: not my 9-5 Joe: I found Soho by myself, don't worry Joe: we're good Ronnie: boss Ronnie: stay there Joe: more expensive than Sophie's horse that Ronnie: train her up to be whatever the fuck you want then Ronnie: 4 years in she could probably kiss with tongue like Joe: you gotta ask yourself why you care Joe: 'cos I know Ronnie: i dont have to ask myself fuck all Joe: deny it then Joe: works for me Ronnie: theres no need to deny theres cunts i wanna talk to less than you Ronnie: or i that i gotta have something to do while i wait Ronnie: 💘 Joe: you're all talk Joe: say no more Ronnie: fuck you Joe: yeah fuck me Ronnie: stick your therapy speak in whatever hole you reckon can take it Ronnie: ill reverse over your head before i submit to this psychology bullshit Joe: not what I'm studying Joe: or doing Ronnie: you reckon if you say im all talk itll get you some action Ronnie: dream on motherfucker Ronnie: i dont look like her that much Joe: bold assumption Ronnie: nah Ronnie: charlies more like a brother than you & ive done everything there is to do to that tosser Joe: bold to assume I'm half as fucked up as you Joe: spent long enough telling me I can't be 'cos I got a ma and now I wanna fuck her, okay Ronnie: wearing it on your sleeve aint you though baby Ronnie: saw your arm & yeah i reckon halfs about right Ronnie: but me at 19 wouldve left you in more pieces than that Joe: you must be proud Ronnie: what the fuck of Joe: your 19 year old self Ronnie: youd have liked me better at 9 Joe: alright but a nonce joke is hardly original Ronnie: neithers wanting to fuck your ma Ronnie: read a book schoolboy Joe: that's you throwing that about Joe: not one I ask the prozzies to act out tah Ronnie: what the fuck else was your lil challenge about then Joe: what was yours? Ronnie: i didnt fire any shots shithead Joe: not true Joe: i got the 🍒 to prove it Ronnie: fuck me youre that cunt Ronnie: 1 sos & i owe you my life yeah Joe: where'd you hear that Joe: what was it, needle not clean or something Ronnie: you dont need to wait for a death that slow Ronnie: fucking do it Joe: why do you do it Ronnie: why do you give a shit what i do Joe: interesting Joe: why do you fuck with your face like that Ronnie: too late to keep it pretty for you Ronnie: should have nancy drewed this shit earlier Joe: you ain't gonna answer Joe: alright Ronnie: cant we both like pain Ronnie: is that your problem Joe: 'course Joe: no monopoly on that shit Joe: its universal, so the books say Ronnie: bullshit do you read fuck all else but sheet music Joe: not no more Joe: but i can read more than scales, like Joe: have to write essays and shit sometimes Ronnie: fucking hell Ronnie: save this riveting shit for your flatmates Joe: she does art Joe: dunno what the lad does, he's out his room less than me Ronnie: horse cocks out of clay like Ronnie: bet shes the professors pet Joe: 🤞 she gets in an ill-advised affair with a pervy prof Ronnie: every other repressed white bitch has done it Joe: my home is safe Joe: hooray Ronnie: til i sleuth your address Joe: then its petrol bombs and dog shit, I know Ronnie: after theres fuck all left to steal Ronnie: 🤡s in films 🔥💸 Joe: and eat six year old's arms Joe: crack on Ronnie: i aint bitten any kids since i was Joe: I'm proud even if you ain't then Ronnie: raise the bar baby Joe: guess the other lad you were with don't technically count no more Joe: actual kids are that annoying Ronnie: kids get to be annoying Joe: lucky ones Joe: the ones that get to be kids Ronnie: no shit Ronnie: youll be born & die a saint Ronnie: such a fucking martyr Joe: when God comes a calling, you can't refuse, obvs Joe: guess that's what she gets for not aborting you, nice bonus for being good Ronnie: yeah Joe: likes a joke as much as the next Joe: gutted for her Ronnie: cant take the scouse sinner out of her however much irish catholic dick shes taken since Ronnie: 💔 Joe: if its only paddys in heaven, I'll lose the invite Ronnie: you better stay in purgatory then Ronnie: dont want you in hell with me Joe: you're just jealous I'll be too busy getting tortured by some other demon Joe: you're alright, anguishing over my wrongs for eternity sounds like a bit of me Joe: I can hack it, more painful than being sodomized with pitchforks or whatever weak shit you're in store for Ronnie: wanna see your cum face even less Ronnie: fucks sake Joe: 😂 Joe: shh, you already know he's got that sick sense of humour Joe: your own clockwork orange moment for eternity now Ronnie: 💘 Joe: you ain't nothing like I thought when I was 🔎🤔 Ronnie: cheers for the romantic cliche you pussy Joe: you're that special Joe: and welcome Ronnie: what did you reckon id be like Joe: like the rest of 'em Joe: complete the cliche Ronnie: fuck off Joe: what, I did Joe: there ain't a bigger compliment, honestly Ronnie: i dont wanna hear your compliments Ronnie: or how big they are Joe: 😏 Joe: you asked Ronnie: cause i cant resist hearing how fucking soft you are Joe: that makes you pretty fucking soft yourself then don't it Ronnie: fuck you Joe: back here, yeah Ronnie: back at get someone else to knock you out Joe: shouldn't be hard Ronnie: depends how hard you are Ronnie: could be a turn on or off Joe: either way, its incentive for them to go harder Joe: can't lose, me Ronnie: enjoy yourself baby Joe: never Joe: if I lose my overwhelming urge to die what have I got Ronnie: new overwhelming urges Joe: won't be that good Ronnie: write it in your diary i didnt ask for your review Joe: you can do that you know Joe: they've all got profiles, like they're a shit local pub or something Ronnie: what a fucking state Joe: won't miss it when I'm in pugatory Ronnie: if i had a shot for every time you cried your eyes out id miss that Joe: you'd miss having a liver Joe: and functioning braincell Ronnie: didnt mean that kind of shot shithead Joe: your aim is for shit, true Ronnie: or that one Joe: ahh Ronnie: you had me at dirty needles 💘 Joe: s'worth being alive for, then? Ronnie: what the fuck waste of a question is that Joe: why? Ronnie: what do you think Joe: reason I'm asking Joe: if its just another slow way to kill yourself then I'm sound but if its more than that then its a potential for the repertoire Ronnie: if it was id have taken a faster way out Joe: its noted Ronnie: why do you wanna die Joe: its not even Joe: I ain't actually sad, soz to burst your 😥 bubble, IOU some shots, whatever Joe: just wanna turn my head off, not have to participate Joe: deal with any of it Joe: but saying you wanna be put in a coma doesn't quite have the same punch Ronnie: underline that note then Joe: yeah? Joe: not like I've never thought about it Joe: think about it a lot, hence the need for a fucking switch Joe: how cliche to look like I'm doing it to spite her though, eh? Ronnie: whatever you take now thats strawberry flavoured childhood bullshit Ronnie: youve found your prescribed dose of working adult medicine Joe: it don't touch it, not worth taking unless you wanna down half a blister at a time and have a decent kip Joe: get me some and I'll pay you 20% for your trouble Ronnie: come over Ronnie: told you im waiting Joe: alright Joe: if I ask for your current location do I give away that I'm not a decent stalker Ronnie: youve fucking shown that card bitch Joe: figured Joe: be obliging then Ronnie: [a location of who the fuck knows where cos we don't need Charlie or Bronson there for this excuse you lads] Joe: [when you need some privacy for your bonding] Ronnie: [when you need some privacy to shoot up your half brother who you ain't even told your other fam about] Joe: [fun and games] Joe: cool Joe: 🤞 i'm there just after the heroin Ronnie: get here before or ill be in no state to keep obliging you Joe: I'm yet to be initiated, my timekeeping skills are 🔥 Ronnie: give a shit about your cv Joe: I'll be there Ronnie: your loss if you aint Ronnie: dont come crying to me Ronnie: i wont hear it for fucking ages Joe: i'm not an idiot Ronnie: it dont matter who or what you are Ronnie: stopped listening after the ill be there Joe: 💘 Ronnie: get it tattooed next yeah Joe: yeah Ronnie: over the real fucker Ronnie: cause you love a cliche Joe: 'course Joe: have to find another dickhead with a gun though Joe: that one did not know his left from his right Ronnie: get what you pay for baby Ronnie: & we didnt Joe: touche Joe: I'll forgo accuracy for that Joe: and the dirty needle, obvs Ronnie: getting to put his hand on my tit will blow the brains he has like Joe: 😏 Ronnie: but if i toss him off thatll get shit back on track Joe: hot Joe: love that you have a plan Ronnie: cute Ronnie: you reckoning im pure chaos Ronnie: not your manic pixie dream skank Joe: ain't planning on being a composer Joe: least not now Joe: don't need to write about you Ronnie: 💔 Joe: make up your mind Ronnie: you aint on my mind mckenna Ronnie: dont get your balls in a twist Joe: do you wanna be on mine or not Ronnie: i know whats on yours Joe: same Joe: makes a change Ronnie: compose a song about your confusion then like Joe: less cliche than a love song Joe: still Ronnie: do it from the pov of the horse Ronnie: be a hit with your flatmate Joe: you just wanna get me stalked Joe: paybacks a bitch, yeah Ronnie: wanna get your habit paid for before you start it Ronnie: throw her a boner Ronnie: whats the fucking drama Joe: i don't fancy her Joe: nor having the convo about where all her moneys going Ronnie: & Ronnie: i dont fancy the cunt with the tattoo gun Ronnie: got fuck all to do with it Joe: & Joe: you're lowering standards, not getting anything up Ronnie: close your eyes & think of gear Ronnie: youll do anything for a horse like that Joe: let me try it first Ronnie: dont need to hear about your trust issues baby Joe: better stop talking now then Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: shut the fuck up Joe: [you know when its like 'removed message' that] Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: what Ronnie: i cant cut your sense of humour out Ronnie: cant live with it Joe: no funny business Joe: just a buttdial Ronnie: charlie aint here but adorable that you 2 homos hit it off Joe: just scousers gotta stick together or did you know him from back home Ronnie: he didnt give you the rundown Ronnie: mustve made him speechless mckenna Joe: too busy trying to work out how I knew you Ronnie: we grew up together Ronnie: & the mime standing next to us Joe: cool Ronnie: nah Ronnie: fucked Joe: I mean that you still know 'em, talk to 'em Ronnie: we aint trying to throw our family away for a new one Joe: like I said, s'cool Ronnie: like i said hes gonna eat that shit up Ronnie: you fawning over his family set up Joe: good to know Joe: not really my type either, call me fussy Ronnie: fucks sake Ronnie: join the god squad now & save yourself the 12 steps Joe: 'cos I don't wanna do a bloke or my horse girl roommate Ronnie: cause you only wanna do your ma Joe: you can't just give me dud options and come to that conclusion Ronnie: we playing fuck marry kill now Joe: not playing nothing with you Joe: cheater Ronnie: crybaby Joe: you'll 😥 when I have to kill your mate Ronnie: you wish Joe: making people cry is your thing Joe: I don't need to fight that claim Ronnie: like you aint been wanting to save me again since the 1st time Ronnie: thats your thing yeah Joe: save you from what? Joe: smack? obviously not Joe: other self-destructive tendencies? try again Ronnie: it obviously dont matter Ronnie: id never seen you & id still never seen a cunt more excited to do a rescue Joe: and I'd never seen you Joe: maybe you'd got all kinds of fucked up 'cos of all the shit I dragged up Joe: basic decency ain't nothing to get excited about Ronnie: i know how to self soothe im a big girl now Joe: didn't need you self-soothing yourself to death on my conscience Ronnie: didnt ask you to give a shit Ronnie: catholic guilts best left at home baby Ronnie: youll never find a place with the cockneys Joe: about myself? Joe: its barely but hanging on by a thread Joe: soz Joe: dead girls fuck you up Ronnie: not your type either then Joe: ultimate type Joe: don't wanna commit right now, tah Ronnie: 🤞 i od & you can finally sort your misery boner out Joe: too giving you Ronnie: im dead i aint giving a shit Joe: put that on the headstone Ronnie: pay for it you write whatever cliche you want Joe: you want a classy picture affair Joe: got it Ronnie: stop getting me Ronnie: it makes me wanna blow my brains out Joe: its obvious you wanna be seen Joe: no spooky sibling connection required Ronnie: fuck off Joe: what's better than ruining a graveyards ambiance for the mourners for the forseeable Ronnie: theres no room in the ground soft lad Joe: they just chuck you in with the old bones Joe: or 'move' them Ronnie: hot Joe: mhmm Joe: plague pit is the way to go Ronnie: fit the horse & the girl Ronnie: how fucking romantic Joe: that's me Ronnie: ill put john in the 💘 for you baby Ronnie: your ma robbed you blind of so many lennon comparisons Joe: still time to be pretentious with soph Joe: fuck off getting out of bed for good Ronnie: smother her with a pillow & fuck her corpse youll be feeling peace & love Joe: 💎🍓💘 Ronnie: playing with emojis & yourself aint getting you here Ronnie: hurry up Joe: can't make you any closer Ronnie: 💔

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

going off the back of that post that i reblogged last night about being a virgin/not dating/not having had a relationship by your 20s should be normalised and not shamed.... i thought I’d make a separate post bc meh anyway.

but yeah going off that post, I hate how when I was 17/18 and 18/19 when I had guys approach me on facebook for sex/a relationship/to date etc the question i had the most from all of those men (who at the time were in their early-to-mid 20s) was “are you like waiting for marriage or some stupid fucking bullshit for losing your virginity? like why the fuck haven’t you slept with someone yet? you’re 17-19! you’re obvs broken and let me/us (the us part was when it was 2 dudes, one trying to set me up with his friend) fucking fix you! what the fuck?” and then obviously that rant devolved into my typical point of “you should’ve fucked someone by the time you were 15!” bullshit rant that all of these men rattled off after the marriage/virginity question.

but no. i’m not waiting for marriage to have sex/lose my very non-existent purely social construct virginity. no. i’m not waiting for it to be “special” bc I know a lot of losing your virginity is MEANT to be awkward and funny and uncomfortable, unlike all the media around it making it seem seamless and perfect half the time.

but you know what I’m waiting for? a person that fucking respects that, in a sense. a person who doesn’t fucking think their stupid fucking mostly good-for-nothing genitals (ok in these cases it obvs a dick) will magically control me and “make you (me) into a real woman who loves real dick, real men, and real sex” which is something that “I’ll give you sex lessons in my car” guy literally said to me in 2014 when he was angry at me for not having lost my virginity by 18/19. im waiting for just like the bare minimum respect level that SO MANY MEN fucking refuse to fucking meet that it makes me fucking sick.

warning: this next part mentions suicide/self-harm.

like y’all I went through a lot with my stalker constantly harassing me with his “will you fucking hurry up and fucking consider that wonderful weekend of sex down the coast, so that I can be the first to have your virginity???!!! (and also so that I don’t try and kill myself, you selfish bitch!)” act. like why in all honest fuck would I give it to a guy that consistently threatened me with his suicide/generally threatened self-harm each time I refused to touch him? why would i give it to the guy who made me terrified that he’d punch me in the face if i ever called that bullshit out or generally criticised his behaviour in any way, shape, or form???? why would i give it to the boy who DEMANDED in first two days of knowing me, that i “hurry up and get on the pill so that I can fuck you!” and then followed that up with refusing to use condoms and then the “we’ll get married & have kids one day bc you’re girlfriend material” line, as if he was going to trap me at 16 with a kid to be his baby mama, and then never let me go to uni etc bc i obviously had to be stuck with the kid while he fucked off and fucked around with other girls.

like y’all 16 year old me mentally read my stalker for fucking FILTH each time he pulled his bullshit acts. she knew that he was abusive/manipulative/controlling etc. why the FUCK would she give him the satisfaction of “being the first to fuck you (her)” like she was some gatekept special unicorn or other fucked up shit???? virginity is used to control women by these creepy manipulative men. and the men mentioned in the first half of this post all were like “like yeah he sounds fucking yikes, but you should’ve just fucked him anyway; to be normal and to not be a fucking stuck up, frigid virgin bitch like you are now! you should of just given the guy a chance!!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬 maybe he would’ve treated you right if you fucked him and gave him what he wanted!!!! lower your fucking standards!!!!😡” like no????????? and y’all are really going to excuse suicide threats/self-harm threats and other violence towards women, over a woman not having lost her virginity yet???? what THE ACTUAL FUCK IS FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU?????? you are MOTHERFUCKING TRASH and you need to FUCKING LEAVE.

then yes there was the less yikes clear braces guy at catholic school. but all the same. 14/15 year old me DID NOT LIKE HIM in that way at all. I didn’t want to fucking touch him, because everything about him disgusted me (which was super fucking rude I’ll admit, but yeah).

but why the fuck was she expected to give up her virginity/have a relationship at all etc with a boy that she NEVER had feelings for???? why was she ALWAYS dismissed (typically more often by male students, but also by some female students and then eventually teachers) when she said she didn’t like him???? and even after she fucking dumped him???? WHY THE FUCK IS IT SO FUCKING HARD TO BELIEVE GIRLS/WOMEN when they say that they DON’T LIKE and NEVER LIKED someone?????

but other than that, why was I expected to give myself to him??? I had boys who always said to me “I bet you’d love licking the shit out of his braces. yeah get that nasty shit out of there for him with your tounge... I bet you dream about it” and other vile shit about this guy’s psoriasis etc, and other shit like that for 3 straight fucking years..... and then those boys fucking wondered why i’d fucking slap them and storm out of fucking class.... and then they always pretended to act all nice after it. why the FUCK was i expected to endure that?????

this is the relationship where the WHOLE year group pressured me into it (or at least I felt super pressured by my entire year) bc even the other half of the year started to harass me about it. whenever i told anyone to fuck off about it, they’d just push it harder. it was a fucking mortifyingly awkward and awful relationship where i never answered his texts.... where he would spell my name wrong although I was his “best friend” (although yes autocorrect but you wouldn’t over sight that in a text to your girlfriend, right?) and where I constantly faked sick or totally ignored his advances for dates...... by actually going over my friends houses, instead of going to the movies with him.... and then when he moved schools at the end of 2010 I felt like it was my fault bc I’d dumped him???? so he’d lost a good friend after that??? idek man teenagers suck lmao

but in the whole story about clear braces guy, I think you can see the underlying thing there was that i OBVIOUSLY wasn’t ready for a relationship, and honestly I don’t think this guy was either..... considering that when he asked me out over the phone he seemed awkward about it I suppose.... like we’d been pressured into FOR 3 YEARS of constant harassment from our year group..... so he felt like he HAD to ask me out finally. and then when he made it “facebook official” i gagged... and then snapped and then yelled at him. i was fucking livid. i cringed at the couple selfie he took of us at the end of one PE lesson after the “fb official” disaster. it was a fucking nightmare lmao.

can y’all see that this SHOULD NOT HAVE FUCKING HAPPENED AT ALL if we’d just left been left fucking alone to be friends that talked every day???? like yes he had his story of having a crush on me since the start of 2008/year 7, but I always felt nothing like that for him. EVER. we were just two metalhead friends bonding over parkway drive and marilyn manson and emo kids bonding over adtr and other bands which everyone else was into anyway.

like I did feel sorry for him in my class bc no one would sit with him, bc he was a bit weird (the braces thing didn’t help him either). he talked to me too bc most of my class was scared of me and my very dramatic screaming matches with teachers/emotional outbursts that would get me sent out of so many classes for most of year 7. but i always, ALWAYS saw us as just friends. basically it was just my group that believed that I didn’t like him (well eventually) bc they always got up and moved away whenever braces dude came to sit with me at at lunch/recess. like my group was embarrassed for me or something???? idek man.

but yeah. my point with braces guy is that why fuck should I have been pressured into that??? and ESPECIALLY why the actual fuck did it have to be a fucking whole year group level of sustained harassment for 3 straight years, where on every fucking level I WAS FUCKING IGNORED by everyone????.... and where that sustained harassment made me feel as though if I’d said no, i would’ve been called a selfish bitch/whore/slut bc teenagers are dumb as fuck. like even teachers started pushing it from time to time by 2010. i fucking hated it. why should a teenager be harassed ON THAT LEVEL FOR THAT LONG while still being invalidated..... and then still be expected to have a good view of relationships and sex exploration after that???? like it warped my views so much.... and then gave me a big part of a horrible fucking year long depressive episode in 2011..... and also gave me a weirdly obsessive and deathly obvious crush on one of the very popular pretty boys who had pushed me into that relationship anyway.... especially when that said boy gave me a flirtatious comment when I was “going out” with braces boy. like how the fuck is any of that healthy???? why was I expected to lose my virginity to someone I never had feelings for in the first place????

so yeah. this is my view on why people never having had a relationship/never had sex/not lot their virginity by their 20s should be a more normalised thing not to be shamed for...... and why teenagers should NEVER be harassed to have relationship that they don’t want, fucking period. just relationships in high school are fucking awful.

[radiohorizon]

5 million years later...

1.Who was the last person you held hands with? Romantically, Emily. Friendwise, Arin or Annabelle i cant remember 
2. Are you outgoing or shy? Depends on who I’m around. If I’m comfortable in the situation, I’m outgoing but if I’m not im the shyest person ever 
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? My baby cousin whos like 3 weeks old😍 
4. Are you easy to get along with? Extremely 
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Uh i hope so? Idk I’ve never been in the situation 
6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Kind, sarcastic assholes, who have my weird ass sense of humor and adore animals 
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? I have no idea🤷🏼‍♀️ 
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? My best friend. He’s going through a really hard time and I don’t know how to help him feel better 
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Depends on the context and people I’m having the conversation with 
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Bea. She always lets me vent tf out and always gives the greatest advice, even if I don’t wanna hear it 
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “Sorry bud😉” 
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? Missing Teeth- Vanity Theft Smokestacks- Layla Open Hands- Ingrid Michaelson Saturn- Sleeping At Last Castle- Halsey 
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Yesssss😍 
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Absofreakinglutely 
15. What good thing happened this summer? Vacation with Katie and Kristy; met Bea 
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? I mean probably. We kissed and it didn’t mean anything, it was more for fun than anything else 
17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Heck yeah. Lightyears of planets and other galaxies? No way we’re here alone 
18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Yeah kinda. We aren’t that close and I don’t really care to be lmao 
19. Do you like bubble baths? Love them😍 
20. Do you like your neighbors? For the most part yes. 
21. What are you bad habits? Picking at the skin around my nails and biting my cheek with im anxious or bored; not letting go; trusting easily; eating too much; not taking care of myself; selfharm 
22. Where would you like to travel? Across the country; the dead sea; egypt; hawaii; Cancun; Australia; basically anywhere 
23. Do you have trust issues? Horrible trust issues 
24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Seeing my cat 
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? Honestly i dont know. I have issues with my stomach, back, butt, boobs, thighs, calves, wrists, arms, fingers, ankles, face, chest. Basically anywhere there is fat and/or acne and/or stretch marks and/or scars 
26. What do you do when you wake up? Go on my phone, brush my hair, brush my teeth and then whatever comes next 
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Darker. I’m pale as shit 
28. Who are you most comfortable around? Probably Bea or Stevie 
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Yeah, 1. And then she continued to ignore me and treat me like shit so🤷🏼‍♀️ 
30. Do you ever want to get married? Yep! In my back yard with my dad as the dude who marries me and my future wife and gives me away 
31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? Heck yeah boi 
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Ruby Rose and Mila Kunis 
33. Spell your name with your chin. Herg (Beth) 
34. Do you play sports? What sports? Dance (10 years), Cheer(2 years) and soccer (maybe 5 years) 
35. Would you rather live without TV or music? Without TV hands down 
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yeppers 
37. What do you say during awkward silences? “Uhhhhhh” or just laugh awkwardly or “why is it so quiet” 
38. Describe your dream girl/guy? 🤷🏼‍♀️ honestly just want someone that’s kind and strong willed and has a big heart and loves cats as much as me. My “type” literally doesn’t exist so 
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Kohls, Ross, HotTopic, Rue 21, Forever 21, Big Lots, Macy’s 
40. What do you want to do after high school? College and then Police Academy 
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? 100% but not everyone deserves a 3rd 
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I’m super upset and probably feel nauseous and shaky and am about to start crying or go into an anxiety attack or something. Or im just tired as fuck 
43. Do you smile at strangers? Yeppers 
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Bottom of the ocean 
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? Anxiety of failing school 
46. What are you paranoid about? Losing the people I love to the same issues I have dealt with 
47. Have you ever been high? Yeeep 
48. Have you ever been drunk? Noooope 
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? Not that I can think of? 
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Red 
51. Ever wished you were someone else? Yes, a lot actually 
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? My body 
53. Favourite makeup brand? Lorac 
54. Favourite store? Ross or Kohls 
55. Favourite blog? Humans of New York 
56. Favourite colour? Dark Purple 
57. Favourite food? Cheeseburger or red peppers 
58. Last thing you ate? Ice cream 
59. First thing you ate this morning? Toast 
60. Ever won a competition? For what? No but I got 2 in gymnastics when i was 8😌 
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? Nopee 
62. Been arrested? For what? Nopee 
63. Ever been in love? Yeppers and kinda scared of it happening again🤷🏼‍♀️ 
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? First peck kiss was during my choir concert in a literal closet with my then girlfriend with a bunch of my friends circling around us so no one would see First kiss kiss was with my then crush and it was so not expected but super romantic so 
65. Are you hungry right now? Not reallg 
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? I dont really have tumblr friends that arent my real friends so no? 
67. Facebook or Twitter? Tweeter 
68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr 
69. Are you watching tv right now? Yeah actually lol 
70. Names of your bestfriends? Katie, Kristy, Andrew, Elizabeth, Abby, Beatrice, Hailey, Kyle, Annabelle, Tyler 
71. Craving something? What? Pink Lemonade 
72. What colour are your towels? Multicolors 
72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 1 but used to sleep with 2 
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Yepp. A teddy bear the twins gave me in 1st grade, a puppy from my mom when I was born, a unicorn, a kitty and a Pegasus unicorn kitty named Puck 
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? A shit ton 
75. Favourite animal? Monkey or cats 
76. What colour is your underwear? Olive green 
77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate and vanilla swirl 
78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Cookies and cream 
79. What colour shirt are you wearing? Black 
80. What colour pants? Black 
81. Favourite tv show? NCIS or Criminal Minds or Shameless or the OLD scoobydoo, none of that new bullshit 
82. Favourite movie? Chitty chitty band bang 
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Mean girls 
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Mean girls 
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Gretchen 
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Crush 
87. First person you talked to today? Bea 
88. Last person you talked to today? Lacey 
89. Name a person you hate? No one 
90. Name a person you love? My momma 
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? #fucktrump and this bitch at school but not gonna cause it aint worth it 
92. In a fight with someone? Nope 
93. How many sweatpants do you have? Like 3 
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? About 3 that i wear, but a lot that dont fit me anymore 
95. Last movie you watched? The Remains 
96. Favourite actress? Jennifer Lawrence 
97. Favourite actor? Josh Hucherson or Gerard Butler 
98. Do you tan a lot? Not at all. Only burn so theres no point 
99. Have any pets? 2 cats and 1 puppy 
100. How are you feeling? Tired, alone, but a little happier 
101. Do you type fast? Ye but im shit at it 
102. Do you regret anything from your past? Certain things with my ex, and not starting cheer sooner but other than that no 
103. Can you spell well? HA no 
104. Do you miss anyone from your past? Yes, a few people 
105. Ever been to a bonfire party? No but i wish): 
106. Ever broken someone’s heart? Not that i know or 
107. Have you ever been on a horse? Mhm 
108. What should you be doing? Sleeping 
109. Is something irritating you right now? My wrist hurts like a bitch and this person is ignoring me like i never existed so there’s that 
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Yepp 
111. Do you have trust issues? Lol yes 
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Abby 
113. What was your childhood nickname? Beth 
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yeah 
115. Do you play the Wii? Not really 
116. Are you listening to music right now? No 
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? Ew no 
118. Do you like Chinese food? Heck yeaaah😍 
119. Favourite book? Yo this is impossible to answer 
120. Are you afraid of the dark? Yeah fuck that shit but also cant sleep unless its completely dark?? 
121. Are you mean? No i dont think so 
122. Is cheating ever okay? Nope 
123. Can you keep white shoes clean? Lol no 
124. Do you believe in love at first sight? Sorta kinda 
125. Do you believe in true love? Yes 
126. Are you currently bored? Yeeeep 
127. What makes you happy? Little random things. Finding a good book, getting a compliment, shaving, random presents even if it seems little or insignificant, seeing my parents together 
128. Would you change your name? No. Ive grown to love and cherish it 
129. What your zodiac sign? Pisces 
130. Do you like subway? Not really 
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Already been through that🙄 tell them how I feel and respect their feelings 
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Bea 
133. Favourite lyrics right now? “Open hands are hard to hold onto anyway” 
134. Can you count to one million? No way 
135. Dumbest lie you ever told? “No mom i didnt get into your makeup or perfume!” As i had her makeup smeared on my face and i smelled like a brothel 
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Teeny bit open so my cat can get in and out but preferred closed 
137. How tall are you? A whopping 5ft 1 
138. Curly or Straight hair? On me? Straight/curly/wavy friss mess On others? Dont have a preference 
139. Brunette or Blonde? On me? Light brunette, wish i still had blonde hair 
140. Summer or Winter? Summer 
141. Night or Day? Night 
142. Favourite month? Probably may or july or October 
143. Are you a vegetarian? No but i respect everyone that is 
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Milk 
145. Tea or Coffee? Coffee 
146. Was today a good day? I mean it wasnt bad but nothing made it good so i guess sure? 
147. Mars or Snickers? Snickers 
148. What’s your favourite quote? Lose the battle win the war 
149. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes 
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line Theres literally no books around me rn and im sad about it

@lovestream-dreams

[punkscowardschampions]

Joe & Ronnie

Joe: Hi Joe: There's no gentle way of doing this, so I'll just get to it, I'm sorry if you don't want to talk about it but you're free to ignore this if that's the case Joe: but I've been looking for my half-sister, and I think its you Ronnie: if youre basing that on a family resemblance youve shot yourself in the face like Ronnie: reload & keep looking Joe: Yeah, I know Joe: but I ain't Joe: Aside from coming at you with what's on any facebook profile anyway Joe: do you know your biological mum's name or? Ronnie: whos used facebook in a decade thats your 1st fuck up Ronnie: 2nd to reckoning my dna is any of your business Joe: who's putting their date of birth and hometown anywhere else? Joe: you were born in [hospital] right? Ronnie: phone numbers on toilet walls getting played out Ronnie: yeah & Joe: then it is you Joe: everything adds up, you have the right birthday, right place, right last name, and first, still Ronnie: right colour Ronnie: miss me with your schoolboy maths Joe: its your bio dad that's black Ronnie: fuck you i know that Ronnie: read my file well before you stalked me Joe: so do you know her name or nah Ronnie: it was in there Joe: Tess Vickers Joe: she is your mum Ronnie: i came out of her Ronnie: shes not my fucking mum Ronnie: id know you if she was Joe: 'course Joe: that's what I meant Ronnie: pick your words more careful soft lad Joe: she don't have any more Joe: I ain't had to do this before, like Ronnie: made up for her Ronnie: & you Ronnie: only took her how many years to claim her bastards Joe: I don't know why she didn't, only what she's said Joe: but if you wanted to ask her, I could set that up Ronnie: if it took her a bit to recover from goin black i don't need to ask her about that Ronnie: got my own experiences cheers Joe: is there anything you do Ronnie: if i had any questions id have chucked 'em at her when i aged out Joe: fair enough Joe: you wanna ask me anything then Ronnie: you old enough to be cleaning out your mas skeletons & seein if theyll dance for you Joe: not what I'm doing Joe: but I'm 19 Ronnie: course she never kept herself stitched up for long Ronnie: got a taste for it like Joe: by all accounts she met my dad the same year she had to give you up so Ronnie: bet he was proper comforting Ronnie: fucking hell Joe: Must've been Ronnie: if she kept you longer than the hour yeah Joe: I've got 3 brothers and a sister too Ronnie: when did she meet their dads Joe: we've got the same, like Joe: youngest is nearly 5 Ronnie: shes still alive then Ronnie: impressive Joe: is it? Joe: suppose so Ronnie: he got cash your sperm donor Ronnie: less dangerous game that one Joe: they both do alright now but you'd probably aim higher if that was the game you were playing Ronnie: shifting gear aint no game now or back then Ronnie: but she was small time Ronnie: that hand to mouth shit Joe: yeah, for years Joe: her dad's debts not helping none Ronnie: hes gotta be dead Joe: yeah Joe: year I was born Joe: so new mouth to feed and inheriting the neverending debts of John Joe: must've seemed like a great time to have more 'cos my brother is only a year younger than me 👍 Ronnie: least you aint inherited his name Ronnie: like i said insatiable Joe: thank fuck Ronnie: piss poor addiction but fuck it Ronnie: shes keeping 'em fed & clothed this time 👏 Joe: gutted social don't hand out round of applauses no doubt Joe: know she is for a fact 'cos she ended up working for 'em, and fostering two poor kiddies in need Joe: what do you reckon to her addiction now? Ronnie: sounds about right theyd left her Ronnie: state of the cunts running that show Joe: mhmm Ronnie: white kids are easier to love Ronnie: its on the posters like Joe: in theory Joe: but this way she gets to be obsessed with you from afar Ronnie: pay me enough & ill come press my face longingly against her windows Joe: I'll keep it in mind for her birthday or something Ronnie: fuck all else you wanna rock my world with or what Joe: Hmm Joe: hold up whilst I trawl a lifetime of overshare for any more tidbits Ronnie: she aint rotting by the roadside or ashes i can snort means my hearts already broken Ronnie: take your time Joe: sorry to disappoint Joe: suppose by the time you got to your file, it told you she'd run away from Liverpool, yeah? Ronnie: bullshit are you Ronnie: youre loving having another cunt to share it with Ronnie: whats the matter dont your brothers & sister wanna play Joe: I'm the favourite Joe: favourite that's about Joe: they got the gist but no file for them Ronnie: 💔 Joe: you said Joe: so, what you saying, you care if I tell her I found you or what? Ronnie: if it feels good do it baby Ronnie: why would i care Ronnie: shes not gonna show up Joe: what if she did? Ronnie: no fixed address Joe: I've told you she loves a cause Joe: say you don't wanna see her Ronnie: shooting the messenger aint no kill shot Ronnie: youre not invested in me Joe: I'm not not, clearly Joe: I'm the one looking, ain't I Ronnie: let her look under every rock with you Ronnie: i hope one bashes her skull in Joe: alright Joe: I'll pass it on Ronnie: good boy Ronnie: get that sticker on your reward chart Joe: god I hope so Ronnie: 🙏 Joe: Your profile says you're in London, still true? Ronnie: i don't need you at my door either Joe: 🙄 Ronnie: roll your eyes at me again Joe: 🙄🙄 Ronnie: 🖕🖕 Joe: 😏 Ronnie: what the fuck do you want Joe: I've told you Ronnie: nah Ronnie: spit it out Ronnie: youre circling around it stop being a pussy Joe: how am I? Ronnie: what do you want for fucks sake Joe: meet you Ronnie: its not happening Joe: why not Ronnie: i hate that you exist Ronnie: that she got a 2nd chance & i didnt get 1 Joe: that's fair Joe: you can hate me in person Ronnie: i aint goin to prison for killing you Ronnie: you wish Joe: yeah Joe: oh well Ronnie: take your death wish home Ronnie: or on a different part of the internet Joe: awh, cheers for the sisterly advice Ronnie: shut your mouth Ronnie: i ain't your sister Joe: kk Ronnie: dumping all your bullshit on me dont make us related Joe: we are Joe: you not wanting it don't fight biology Ronnie: her not wanting me cancels it all out Joe: not to me Ronnie: i give a shit how you feel Ronnie: youre a stranger with fuck all i want Joe: you ain't checked what I've got Ronnie: until facebook adds income i dont care Joe: 💔 Ronnie: you must look like your da Ronnie: dont be Joe: well you look like her Joe: not that I've seen yours Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: i dont Joe: yeah you do Joe: [sends pics] Ronnie: shut up Joe: alright Joe: catch you around then Ronnie: get it through your head Ronnie: you wont Joe: what you scared for Ronnie: youre having fun trying to mess me up Ronnie: that aint how i get mine Joe: I'm seriously not Joe: I've got the message though, alright Ronnie: youre seriously throwing all this shit at me like im gonna smile as i eat it Ronnie: what the fuck Joe: I don't expect fuck all Joe: I just wanna know you but if you don't then that's alright Joe: I won't message again Ronnie: bullshit Ronnie: you aint asked about me Ronnie: you wanna bitch about 'em Joe: that's why I wanna meet you Joe: I've thrown enough questions at you for one convo Ronnie: nah you wanna meet me to see if i proper look like her Joe: I've got eyes Ronnie: if thats what you reckon you see they dont fucking work Ronnie: get down the social & claim Joe: you're fine, its not dead ringer levels Ronnie: im fucking fine cause theres none of her in me Joe: I'm glad for you Ronnie: were not family save your lies Ronnie: i dont need any blows softened Joe: its only me bitching Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: & you can save your tears Ronnie: you already cant see fuck all like Joe: what do you want? Ronnie: too late to give a fuck Ronnie: youve shit over me with this Joe: I'm sorry Ronnie: nah Ronnie: sorry for yourself aint the same Joe: Why would I be sorry for me? Joe: I got everything Ronnie: not how youre framing it Joe: why would you believe me Ronnie: not hard to believe mummy dearest loves me best Ronnie: not like she dumped me fast as she could & legged it Joe: she weren't allowed to keep you, she was 14 with a junkie non-dad to look after you both Ronnie: & what she didnt get any older or get her shit together Ronnie: fuck that Joe: did you want her to come 'round and pick you up 4 years later? Ronnie: she had you cunts instead Joe: so she comes and gets you and the social come with and see the fake bailiffs and the bashed in door and we all go back with you Joe: I see the appeal Ronnie: you reckon i had it better Ronnie: thats what this nancy drew bullshit is about Joe: nice one, genius Joe: in what world is that adding up Ronnie: yours Ronnie: in what world would i have not gone with any cunt to get me out of that place then Joe: I'm telling you why she didn't get you, not telling you why you wouldn't wanna be there Ronnie: youre giving me both Ronnie: cant help yourself Joe: they're the same reason Joe: if she tried to get you, they'd say nah 'cos her life was a mess, simple as Ronnie: & yet here you are Ronnie: not a care kid a single day in your fucking life Ronnie: so like i said she got her shit together in the end Joe: she was 18 when I came around and we got taught how to say the right thing to socials and how to shut our mouths the rest Joe: but that's just what she told me Joe: she probably didn't want you, looking back Ronnie: why would she Ronnie: had a new set up with a cunt that stayed Ronnie: cuter kids Joe: 'cos she loved your da the way only a 14 year old girl can Joe: pro and a con in your favour Joe: does she want the reminders or does she not Ronnie: not Ronnie: youre the only pussy walking memory lane Ronnie: aint her looking Joe: yeah, s'me, so why you chatting at me like I'm the one that fucked you off Joe: not productive Ronnie: cause you are Joe: I've gone to leave loads now Joe: you've clearly got shit to say Joe: so just say it at me, I've already offered that n'all Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: i didnt ask for this Ronnie: she was in the ground for all i knew Joe: she still can be Joe: I ain't telling Ronnie: nah you opened your gob & let all that shite out Ronnie: i couldve been about to slit my throat or pull a shift Joe: you could've easily found out she weren't dead yourself too Ronnie: what should it tell you that i didnt Joe: ignorance ain't such bliss I've tipped you over the edge Ronnie: you dont know shit Ronnie: how does yours feel Joe: how do you think Ronnie: i think you should ask if people have got time & space to spin out before you fuck with their heads Ronnie: i think you should go suck a dick mckenna Joe: why should I? Joe: no one asked me and I owe you shit Ronnie: she owes me Ronnie: youre nothing Ronnie: you dont see me knocking cause im not looking for answers & theres fuck all else to collect by the sounds of it Joe: then fucking collect Ronnie: talk to your ma like that Joe: hit me up when you stop being scared Ronnie: keep it up and ill smash in your face Joe: how Joe: you don't wanna meet Ronnie: dont flatter yourself nancy drew Ronnie: i can still kick your door in Ronnie: be like the baliffs are back Ronnie: you can revisit your childhood Joe: now who wants to go for a jaunt down memory lane Ronnie: you wish Joe: 🙏 Ronnie: i reckon your imaginary friends gotta be sick of your bullshit by now Joe: no doubt, nancy drew Ronnie: we cant both be nancy Joe: alright you be sid then Ronnie: still not gonna kill you baby Ronnie: but youre getting warmer Joe: I know, stalked you, remember Ronnie: get a hobby or habit mckenna Ronnie: your little misery boners aint cute Joe: oh I got plenty of thoses Joe: your concern is, kinda Ronnie: youve thrown me into the big sister deep end Ronnie: sounds like how you want it Joe: very obliging Ronnie: unloved kids get it where they can Ronnie: thats on the back of the poster Joe: trust, I know Ronnie: 💔 Joe: not me Joe: never mind, not my sob story to hit you with Ronnie: you only wanna share yours Joe: maybe when we get cosy I'll divulge all the family secrets, sis Ronnie: maybe if you chat shit like that to me again ill choke on my puke Joe: n'awh Ronnie: kill yourself Joe: sure thing Ronnie: very obliging Joe: it was already in the diary tbh Joe: but I'll pop you in the note if that makes you feel 💘 Ronnie: show me yours & ill show you mine Joe: deal Ronnie: 💘 Ronnie: [skippity skip] Ronnie: pick me up Joe: where from Ronnie: [location that's sketchy as all hell] Joe: alright Joe: that should take me 'bout half an hour this time of day Ronnie: im not goin anywhere mckenna Joe: you alright Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: got it Joe: 🚖 📵 Ronnie: important for you to know your place Joe: must be popular with the cabbies 👑 Ronnie: yeah im on a ban Ronnie: look out for my picture hanging Joe: what did you do Joe: vom and not pay the fine one too many times? Ronnie: we taking another trip down memory lane Ronnie: i aint 12 Joe: go on then, what was it Ronnie: the cunt crashed its fuck all to get excited about Joe: did you get hurt? Ronnie: didnt feel it Joe: what about the driver Ronnie: i reckon he felt it Joe: fucked you're stuck with the tube then Joe: 💔 Ronnie: cheers motherfucker Ronnie: cant you drive Joe: 'course I can Joe: where'd your license go, got a story for that and all or? Ronnie: car theft would be a dead good sibling bonding activity Ronnie: but i dont need your help to break a window Joe: another time Ronnie: nah Ronnie: next time some other cunt will pick me up Joe: good thing I didn't specify Joe: tah for keeping me well in the loop of your schedule though Ronnie: other shit in the diary besides blowing my brains out Ronnie: can move it up if you aint gonna shut up Joe: 🤐 Joe: you can keep all your dates Ronnie: made up i am Joe: no need to say thanks, I feel it Ronnie: you wanted to meet up Ronnie: wish granted Joe: I know Joe: reckon blue would suit Ronnie: what Joe: genie Joe: you owe me 2 more, yeah? Ronnie: rubbing me up the wrong way dont count Joe: damn Ronnie: i can do black & blue Joe: changed your mind then Joe: my 🍀 day Ronnie: you got the accent Ronnie: my head cant do subtitles Joe: not really Joe: not proper Joe: some of my younger ones do but they can barely remember Liverpool Ronnie: nothing to be 💔 about Ronnie: its a shithole Joe: least its a shithole with some history Joe: we moved to a newbuild shithole so Joe: win some lose some Ronnie: your boner for history aint that big Joe: you checked what I'm studying? 😏 Ronnie: you dont post about fuck all else Joe: I'm barely outta freshers let me have it Ronnie: dont give me the flu Joe: thought that was just a euphemism Joe: either way, on my life Ronnie: fuck knows Joe: not as much fun as people chat, shockingly Ronnie: what is Ronnie: the shit that feels good is the shit youre meant to keep your mouth shut about Joe: hear hear Ronnie: 💘 Joe: 💘 Joe: you live there or am I picking you up from a mates Ronnie: neither Joe: alright Ronnie: drop me on the other side Joe: no problem Ronnie: then you can go back to wanking over symphonies Joe: you wanna help me with my homework Joe: so nice Ronnie: what are big sisters for Joe: yeah Ronnie: shits fucked up Joe: right Joe: but you can be more specific Ronnie: nah i cant Joe: don't know where to start? Ronnie: it starts with being born Joe: okay, so the starts the easy bit Joe: the middle Joe: we don't have time Ronnie: we aint gonna trauma bond mckenna youve been beaten to it Joe: ah you got a troubled boyfriend Joe: that's cool Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: you heard me say i aint 12 Joe: you know what I mean Ronnie: not very nancy drew if you reckon im that bitch Joe: we can't both be sid Ronnie: touche baby Joe: 💘 Ronnie: im gonna carve up this cunt if you dont pull me out Ronnie: & thatll make him feel too special Joe: who? Joe: I'm nearly there Ronnie: my not boyfriend Ronnie: dont waste romance like that on strangers Joe: sensible Joe: just carve anything but 💘 and he shouldn't get too clingy Ronnie: whats the symphony that gets you off fastest Ronnie: ill do that Joe: Khachaturian's Sabre Dance works as a play on words and should get him to crescendo 👌 Ronnie: hot Joe: orchestra nerds get all the bitches Ronnie: yeah Joe: you aren't a catfish, are you Joe: I mean, I'll recognize you Ronnie: look for your mas face Joe: fuck it, therapy overdue anyway Ronnie: fuck you for saying that Ronnie: making it go round my head Joe: I shouldn't have said that Ronnie: i should stab you Ronnie: all these pieces of mirror Ronnie: fuck him Joe: you can, long as you keep it shallow, or don't mind swinging by the hospital Ronnie: i dont get my kicks at a&e Joe: you'll have to play nice then Ronnie: youll get too clingy Joe: avoid the 💘 Ronnie: some other bitch can have the honours Joe: or has Joe: don't I seem 💔 Ronnie: dont need to hear how you lost your virginity mckenna Joe: noted Joe: save that trip down memory lane for private time Joe: me and mozart Ronnie: explains a shit ton if the conductor is molesting you Ronnie: but not gonna be the sister who tells him where to put that stick he waves about Joe: Mozart was pretty fucked up but I don't reckon it went that far Ronnie: i dont know him 💔 Ronnie: there was a Moz here earlier fuck knows if theyre any relation Joe: You're more a Liszt type, called it Ronnie: what the fuck kind of fuck you is that Joe: 😂 Joe: actually he's considered the world's first rock star, I was being nice Ronnie: shut up Joe: what, you ain't seen the ken russell film with daltrey in? Joe: have a word Ronnie: get a life Joe: tomorrow Joe: maybe Ronnie: i cant fucking believe it had to be you Ronnie: thank fuck i already aint showing my face here again Joe: thought you said you weren't 12 Joe: but I don't need to come in if you don't wanna be embarrassed in front of your mates Ronnie: i said my mates aint here Joe: no need to tell me why you're there Ronnie: where the fuck are you Joe: just got out, 5 minutes Ronnie: i need to get out Ronnie: move it like Joe: alright Joe: come find me then, make it go faster Ronnie: fucks sake Joe: what's wrong Ronnie: if my body would do what it was told i wouldnt need you Ronnie: cant even paint you a fucking picture Joe: right Ronnie: theres a shit load of stairs yeah Ronnie: i cant do 'em Joe: if you're fat I swear to god Ronnie: calm your tits nancy drew Ronnie: you know thats bullshit Joe: I'll trust you ain't catfishing then Ronnie: thats my next tat Ronnie: all for you baby Joe: sweet Ronnie: hurry up Joe: I am Joe: [show up boy] Ronnie: [when you're just there like damsel in distress which ain't you so it makes it more awks] Joe: [what a first meeting just having to carry her away from god knows where like] Ronnie: [just like we don't know each other but just carry me to your vehicle thanks] Joe: [just doing it silently like this is normal] Ronnie: [since I cant find a pic she should go get that tattoo now just casually drag him along] Joe: [once you get the use of your limbs back lol] Ronnie: [lbr its blatantly someone sketchy she knows the state of them all] Joe: [god bless] Ronnie: [when I know its gotta go on her face somewhere cos #triggered by looking like Tess and I'm just screaming like NOOO] Joe: [my boo is horrified and Joe too] Ronnie: [soz you're so cute bitch and you wanna look so ugly] Joe: [lowkey dread to think how annoying the heal time is on a face tat] Ronnie: [blasting that orchestra bop he mentioned earlier as loud as poss cos yeah you searched for it and yeah you don't wanna hear your thoughts or have a convo] Joe: [when you don't run like you should 'cos you too are a crazy person] Ronnie: [match made in heaven lol] Joe: [🔥😈] Ronnie: [does he have any tattoos I have forgotten] Joe: [Oh, I don't think so??? but he probably would in a self-destructive manner too, as long as they could be hidden like his self-harm like go ahead] Ronnie: [just thinking get one now if you want boy #bonding] Joe: [yolo] Ronnie: [ooh what should it be] Joe: [the real question, hmm] Ronnie: [perfect excuse to be staring at each other while that's happening though cos you can't be moving all about] Joe: [but of course] Ronnie: [Joe can move around more cos not on his fucking head but] Joe: [probably get a cherry or something for the lols] Ronnie: [love that for you Joseph]

[punkscowardschampions]

Drew & Carly

Drew: Carly Drew: I need to come over now Drew: On train Carly: k Carly: how long? Drew: idk does it fucking matter Drew: 40 mins ish Carly: i gotta clear out so yea Drew: alright Drew: do it then Carly: i am Carly: whats wrong with you? Drew: got some bad news Drew: need to get fucked up you may as well be there Carly: k Carly: ill make you feel better Drew: ha Carly: trust me boy Drew: no Drew: trust no bitch Carly: everyones out Carly: see im good to trust Carly: keeping my word Drew: tah Drew: don't invite anyone else round Drew: i don't want to fuck Carly: i wont Carly: this about her? Drew: You're jealous of Ro? Lmao, you have NO idea Carly: im not Carly: im asking for you Carly: you dont wanna fuck what else we gonna do cept talk Drew: i said Drew: get wrecked Drew: don't act like that's not what you want too Carly: k Carly: forget i said it Drew: least of my worries Drew: forget about it too Drew: doesn't mean anything Carly: yea Carly: getting that from you Drew: don't be weird Drew: don't need it today Carly: youre gonna get what you need soon Drew: i might need to hide for a bit Drew: cool? Carly: yea Carly: whenever you know Drew: good Drew: can't go back to my flat for a bit Drew: might need to move on Drew: not sure yet Carly: k Carly: for good? Drew: Yeah Drew: bridges burned, nothing here for me now Carly: they gonna come here? Carly: what you want me to say if theyre looking? Drew: Nah, nah Drew: not that Drew: Christ, I'd already be dead, that's where I've been past few days Drew: you're fine, you don't have anything to worry about Carly: Good Carly: can I come there? Carly: ill miss you Drew: I'll come back Drew: My sister will still be here Drew: we can hook up Drew: better get a new dealer for day to day tho Carly: yea Carly: fuck Drew: soz Drew: might not come to that Drew: idk what's going on Carly: what can i do? Drew: Idk, you know a good contract killer? Carly: all my contacts talk and talk Carly: whos fucking with you? Drew: no one Drew: but that's about to change Drew: you want a list? Carly: no Carly: i want you to feel better Drew: why do you care Carly: you make me feel good Carly: who does that for you? Drew: no one Carly: let me Drew: leave off Drew: i'm not in the mood Carly: anything you want Carly: when you are Drew: you're all the same, even the ones of you that front otherwise, makes me laugh Drew: tell you to have some self-respect but doesn't make a difference in the end Carly: im not hurting over this Carly: laugh it up Drew: oh, i am Drew: you're all jokes Carly: if youre trying to fight with me ill go there Carly: idc Drew: go on then 😂 Drew: what could you possibly say to make my day any worse Drew: I'd LOVE to know Carly: why do you want me to? Carly: none of your beef is with me Carly: hit up whoever else Drew: 'cos the last thing i want is that lovey dovey bullshit from you rn Drew: you said I could come to hide Drew: if you've changed your mind say Drew: don't waste my time Carly: its not Carly: you're good to me im trying to do the same Carly: if thats a waste of time its of mine Drew: no, i'm not, Carly Drew: that isn't what this is, or has ever been Drew: we use each other for personal gain, that's it Carly: yea you give me what i need Carly: let me do it for you Carly: stay here Drew: alright Drew: but that's all I need Drew: just the caravan Carly: k Drew: i only need a few days, alright, get my head fucked, then straight again Drew: i'll be out your hair asap Drew: and i'll stay on the sofa, just ignore me best you can Drew: you can keep people away for that long, yeah? Carly: yea Carly: ill put the word out now Carly: itll be sorted when you get here Drew: cheers Drew: i'm sorry okay Drew: know its not ideal Drew: got nowhere else Carly: youre welcome here whenever Drew: i don't get you Drew: none of you Carly: you know whats up Carly: personal gain Carly: i need some bad Carly: the good shit Drew: why not pay for it Drew: you have enough money Drew: what you saving for? new shoes? Carly: i got the sack Carly: whats it matter Drew: 'course Drew: nothing, nothing Drew: i wouldn't want to be anyone's bitch, that's all Carly: k Drew: 'bout 10 mins away Drew: im gonna take some in toilet Drew: can't wait Carly: dont be too greedy Drew: you'll get yours Drew: i'll do what i like Drew: my fucking drugs Carly: dont cry Drew: don't take the fucking piss Drew: you ain't paying Carly: i know Drew: had enough dealing with fucking junkies Carly: dont call me that Drew: what, grown a backbone? Drew: its what you are, darling Carly: if you wanna stay then don't Drew: might take my chances tbh Drew: doing my head in Drew: women Drew: know your bff had her baby? Carly: no Carly: she isnt my bff Drew: now, now, you're not exactly surrounded by offers Drew: though you will be taking back the flowers when you find out Carly: why would I care? Carly: nothing to do with me Drew: is with me Drew: still apathetic? Carly: fuck who you like Carly: youve wanted her for years Drew: well i got her now Drew: 25 to life Carly: thats why youre hiding Carly: she doesnt wanna play happy families Drew: yeah Drew: doubt caleb does either Drew: or her brothers and dad Drew: like i said, list is long Carly: she'll change her mind when she can't do it alone Carly: open arms for you Drew: no she won't Drew: she's not like you Carly: im not like her Carly: never having kids Drew: you shouldn't Drew: state of Drew: the way you go though you won't have choice in the matter Carly: piss off Drew: i'm serious Drew: never make me use protection Drew: doubt you do any other punter Drew: you need to take better care of yourself Carly: its none of your business Carly: im not gonna drop another kid on you Drew: yeah that's what I reckoned with Ali too Drew: like I said, don't trust any of you Drew: especially you Drew: my business when its mine Carly: its not happening Carly: you can go back to not caring Drew: No, I can't Drew: don't you get it? This has changed my entire life Drew: I've gotta leave my home and everyone I've known because Drew: even if I don't step up, she's still my kid Drew: she's not going away Drew: I've not got my head stuck in the sand or up my arse like you Drew: you'll get this rude awakening one day too, mark my words Carly: stay and be a dad Carly: theres no-one in your way Carly: and she's going to uni it'll be a part time thing Drew: Oh yeah, what a dad I'll be Drew: drug dealer with nowt else to offer but gear and a bit of dirty cash Drew: whatever she says, she won't want a kid 'round that, i fucking wouldn't Drew: and Caleb will always be in the way Drew: fuck that Carly: she cant stop you Carly: neither can he Carly: and she will want the kid to have a dad Carly: nobodys is decent Carly: be around Drew: Can if I'm a criminal Drew: they'll just dob me in when they're sick of having me hanging about Drew: it'll have a dad, she knows she's got him Drew: don't need or want me Drew: can't hack it Carly: go straight Drew: now why would you tell me to do a thing like that Drew: no more drugs for you if I'm stuck stacking shelves for a kid that calls him dad and not me Carly: youre not the only dealer, goldie Drew: i repeat, what's in it for you Drew: why you care if i'm around if i'm not funding you Carly: i wanna help you Drew: what about yourself Drew: who helps you Carly: whoever deals in your place Drew: you'll get hurt Drew: shouldn't mess around with people like that Drew: like me Carly: i can handle it Carly: nothing to matter to you Drew: s'not true Drew: you might be stoned enough to pretend you don't give a fuck about anything Drew: but i'm not a monster you know Drew: christ Carly: im not saying you are Carly: but don't pretend you care Drew: shut up Drew: of course i do Drew: i don't want you to get killed or beaten up every day 'and numbed out by the hardest stuff Drew: i only starting dealing to you so you wouldn't go to someone else Carly: its not gonna be that Drew: what's it gonna be? you'll knuckle down, get a job, get some friends, only do a bit for fun on weekends? Drew: that's not what you're doing, not where you're headed Carly: i can stop whenever i want Drew: you can't Drew: if you think you can then you're more gone than i know you are Drew: can't bullshit me on this, i have your tab, remember? Carly: fuck off Carly: im not a junkie Drew: yes you are Drew: and on the off-chance you aren't Drew: you certainly act like one Drew: do you think all girls fuck me for drugs? maybe once for a club drug but this is years now, as often as I'll let it happen Drew: and I shouldn't have but Drew: yeah Carly: don't drew Carly: dont come here either Drew: Carly Drew: I'm sorry Drew: I won't Carly: keep your sorry Carly: i wanted you ok Drew: i know Drew: i've known for a while, longer than i'd ever admit Drew: what else can i say? Carly: nothing Carly: dont talk to me Carly: stay away Drew: but Drew: i want you too Drew: i do Carly: no you dont Drew: i fucking do Drew: i just want to stop Drew: stop helping you kill yourself Carly: im not going anywhere Drew: you will Drew: everyone leaves me Carly: ive got nowhere to go Carly: this caravan is it Carly: and i cant leave you im not with you Drew: but you are Drew: you're constant Drew: you'll either get better and realise you're better than me like Ro and Ali and my own sister Drew: or you'll fuck off to be fucked up somewhere else like my mum Drew: or worse Carly: im not them Carly: im not trying to be better than you i know im not Carly: youre so good, drew Carly: i dont wanna be anywhere you arent with anyone else Drew: i'm not Drew: i'm bad but i can't stop Drew: i don't know how Carly: not to me, you've always been good Carly: looked after me Carly: you said yourself you wanted to protect me Drew: but Drew: i still gave you drugs and i call you horrible things and Drew: only see you when i wanted to, when Ro wasn't around or whatever else dirt I was pulling Carly: i ask ill stop Carly: im not scared Carly: i want you more Drew: its not your fault Drew: do you mean it Drew: will you try Carly: yea Carly: ill be better Carly: treat you better Carly: let me and youll see Drew: how do you want me Drew: i'll do whatever you want Carly: I just want you Carly: I love you Drew: I love you too Carly: be here now Drew: 🏃