#so theyre going to use that to their own perceptions. it doesnt make any sense to me

[laikinz]

if you say i swear to god its probaly cause youre lying: no i say it cause its an expression of speech these people are really funnt and make no sense imagine someone learning this from these freaks videos and then they apply that to people in their own lives... god bless

[gothibara]

Okay, so related to that one post abt somebody with plant powers not really being able to control ibara, how DO you think she sees the world?? Like to be honest i live your interpretation of her quirk and could read a whole book on it. You said it was kinda translated right? so how would she expreince her senses then??

Haha, thats a really good question! Ive actually been reading a book on plant perception lately (What A Plant Knows, by Daniel Chamovitz) so while i cant say i definitely know everything, its helped put things into perspective. also for the sake of Not Being Buzzkills obviously horikoshi didnt think abt this its just hc im using canon to supplement and draw conclusions dont be silly

also um. im putting this under a cut because it really is a book's worth of meta. i got really excited.

But i think, from how we see Ibara, a large part of it is going to be filtered through religious experiences+delusions. It already seems like how she talks and understands thing is subconsciously put through this filter (i dont think shes calling shishida "apocalypse beast" out of spite or to be inflammatory-- there is religious theory that the beast of gevaudan may have been god-sent, albeit this theory is rare and far from widely accepted. Ibara doesnt seem to follow any specific doctrine, though, and i really think parts of it are just kinda her brain drawing connections in line with her deeply personal beliefs as opposed to dogma. To her it may just be that she believes theyre saying the same thing in essence, while he does not)

But on the topic of sensory experiences specifically, I would also say that Ibara is experiencing exponentially higher levels of sensory input than most people, so i cant blame her for being a space cadet. And while the fainting is an anime-only gag presumably to show her delicate sensibilities or whatever i personally am choosing to interpret it as an incredibly reasonable consequence of her brain hitting the limit. Like cut the cameras im OUT!!! It's documented frequently in the history of religious ecstasy and other spiritual experiences, so adding an assload of input i can imagine only heightens your chance.

And so onto your question about how that manifests-- its hard to say! But i have a few ideas.

Firstly, i think we should address what the plant is perceiving, and how. In a base function, we can say that they respond to stimuli in certain forms (light, sound, smell, balance, touch, etc) which loosely correlates with our own senses. They differ in the organs used, though, but Ibara having a centralized animal brain both simplifies and complicates it.

Plants don't "see" pictures-- they have sensory cells dedicated to seeing both light and different wavelengths of light (which helps control their circadian cycle and even flowing schedule! Even a small disruption of flashing a certain color light during the night can allow farmers to delay or change when certain plants flower), but these arent rods and cones connected to an optical nerve connected to a brain. But at the same time, they... ARE connected to a brain.

I think for Ibara, plant sight is like a murky, back-of the mind addition to her normal range of vision. It's not a picture the same way her Eyes work, but she knows intuitively theres light, shadow, and colors around her, and can focus in on it a little more if she tries. Details and motion that doesn't block light wouldnt be part of it-- the plant can only see what blocks light covering it or reflects light onto it. Ever-periphery flashes of shadowy shapes and colors. (and conversely: i think the prayer pose, with eyes closed and hands clasped makes it easier to focus on the information filtering through)

sound is also different-- while the studies about plant growth and music are bunk, plants do react to sound. the mechanics of it are still heavily under-explored, but we know they do, just so long as its sound that may be relevant to a plant, like running water or insects chewing. I don't think Ibara could do what Hawks does-- where he can focus in on sounds through his wings and hear conversations. The vines aren't a dedicated sensory organ, they just communicate signals back that are of relevance. She may KNOW there's sound somewhere, but it's background noise until it's something that triggers a response. The question is really what would be deemed important enough to do so.

See, the thing with plants is that they don't have emotions, or even a centralized brain, as we've established. Animals can and do. humans especially. Things deemed important by a person can be important for a variety of reasons, beyond just survival. While Ibara uses the vines as an extension of her limbs, it doesn't change the built in systems of stimuli response the plant has, but the plant isn't a brain in the sense that it will decide anything. So the question of What Ibara Hears from the plant is an interesting one. Personally, I don't think she hears the sounds "as is". Ibara doesn't HEAR insects chewing, because the cells are communicating a stimulus and response, so it would be an interpretation of the response. Sort of a plato's cave issue-- I think ibara may say she "hears omens of danger" or "tidings of great joy", but it's not like she's being told a Coherent Thought By The Vines. it's sound of water = good = we are safe and can find safety + an avidly catholic teenager = the angels bring tidings of joy. it's thing she "hears" but doesnt hear because its never actually touching her own aural organs or nerves. She may not be able to pinpoint what the sound itself is, just what it evokes or what her brain fills the gap in as, like talking.

Taste and smell are both something plants do, but defined slightly differently, as we associate these things with specific nerves in the human body that plants Dont Have. to define it the way my book does, we're going to say "taste is the reception of chemical signals through touch" and "smell is the reception of chemical signals dispersed through the air". and plants do taste, and taste one another-- many parasitic plants show preference for certain species, like the dodder vine. other vines, especially those that climb, will avoid climbing their own species because they know that the support is unstable. this is something they figure out by the chemicals they release onto their surface. This is something that would really be tightened up by ibara having an actual real world plant on her head but trust me trying to find anything that matches is a mess. more on that in a bit. but we know, in theory, she can "taste" other plants, and maybe even other type of similar compounds through these vines, which i think would then also manifest in at least a vague idea of a taste in her mouth-- once again, platos cave of sensation, although honestly its probably a bit more in line with what the actual thing would taste like. (tomatoes, for example). this taste may also correlate with a signal that associates emotionally, but ill touch on that in the pain part of this.

Smell is similar- once again, just detected through the air instead of touch. (The smell of cut grass? An airborne danger signal. Ibara probably can't stand being around freshly-cut lawns, it must feel like a giant panic attack. How this would manifest? Not sure! The smell of blood? As a sound instead? It's hard to say what could compare to the scope of fear that kind of flood would cause). I won't go into depth since it's the same as above, but I would also like to add carbon dioxide as a mention. Plants can detect levels of CO2 (and it can decide how they photosynthesize!) in the air, and I think because for Ibara, photosynthesis has to be accelerated (due to the faster growth and usage of energy being more akin to that of an animal instead of a plant) and she and the plant share an exchange of signals and nutrients.

I'm going to diverge briefly into the realm of digestion and nutrition. Firstly because I love it. Secondly because it will circle back to our carbon dioxide talk.

Ibara's vines are, as we see, leafless. This is quite relevant. Leaves, as most people know, are responsible for the majority of photosynthesis. While chlorophyll in any parts of the plant can photosynthesize, leaves are by far the most effective way thanks to the broad surface area and certain specializations. Leafless plants (especially in the case of vines) tend to be parasitic. Plants that evolve photosynthetically-inefficient leaves tend to be carnivorous, which I would like to explore a little.

A plant is defined as carnivorous if, typically, it shows a form majorly inclined towards having prey-trapping mechanisms, and receives a substantial amount of nutrition from doing so. They tend to grow in areas that have high sunlight and water levels, but with incredibly nutritionally deficient soil. Nutrients like nitrogen, phosphorous, and proteins, which are found in meat (bugs included)

Now, Ibara's vines don't have visible roots, so I think it's safe to assume the root system is within her body, and goes deep below the surface. Water, nutrients, and neurological signals all need to be shared; and so I think her entire body is connected to this root system. Ergo, all the nutrition the plant gets that isn't photosynthesized comes from what Ibara digests-- which is also why I don't personally subscribe to the vegan or vegetarian Ibara headcanon-- because nitrogen and phosphorous are INTEGRAL to stem growth, and baby, she's all stem. In fact, I think she probably loves meat-- second only to bread, which provides long-term energy in the form of complex sugars. I personally think Ibara would dislike sweets in the traditional sense of candy and desserts outside of winter-induced cravings from a drop in photosynthesis, but that would be because the sugars her vines produce for her already maintain a decent level of homeostasis, so it would cause her blood sugar to spike and make her feel ill. Conversely, bread breaks down and is stored much more long term, so it would both benefit her and the plant, which is inefficient at photosynthesis compared to a plant of the same size with leaves, and would need a boost given how much energy it uses to grow, detach, and move.

I know this girl can put away a MEALLLL after training. Yaomomo style.

I think you could argue Ibara (and her quirk) qualifies as a carnivorous plant. Her vines lack leaves and instead have developed extensive thorns (which can be a type of modified stem-- its complicated and varies plant to plant), and we never see them branch off of each other, so they may not even be capable of developing stems. She also doesn't appear to have any flowering mechanism (nor does she need one!), although I will say I'm a sucker for the idea of Ibara having psuedo-blossoms that aren't functional flowers, but rather an indicator of health. Either way, the heavy focus on the vines for strength, complex movement, and grasping through pointed extrusions makes me think you could convincingly argue that they are the "trapping mechanism", which is a requirement for carnivorous plants.

So, once again, we've established that there's a complex nutrient exchange both from Ibara to the vines, but from the vines to Ibara. And because of this, I think there's an added level of complexity to her digestive system-- specifically regarding the stomach's direct connection to the brain. Just like her own nutritional needs can trigger certain responses like in any person, but the plant probably has the same access to these hormone signals. Things like craving sugar and being irritable in winter because of the inability to produce her own as much, but also conversely, I think the plant can trigger a digestive response to prepare for the influx of sugar being photosynthesized. A "heads up, we're about to start sending this your way" to help maintain proper levels.

So, back to carbon dioxide finally. When plants detect higher carbon dioxide levels in the air, they may photosynthesize more. This may result, in my opinion, to "phantom smells" and a trigger to the digestive system, resembling how our own mouth waters when we smell food. Whether it's just an ambiguous food smell or one specifically (maybe bread?) to Ibara I'm not sure, but what I'm saying is that if Bakugou's explosions over the course of an hour can produce about the same amount of carbon dioxide as an entire person throughout one day, she probably thinks he smells fucking delicious and for no reason why. It's funny to me.

Ok! On to touch. I think it's obvious that Ibara's vines react to touch and that's transmitted to her, given how she knows that she's found someone and is pulling them out in JTA. Plants definitely can feel touch, and respond, but I'd like to note that plants can't feel pain. They don't have the ability to feel pain. They can react to adverse touch, certainly-- for example, grass releasing their smell when cut, but they don't feel pain. It's solely for survival, and feeling pain isn't really important for a relatively stationary being. Nor do they really have the factor of emotional association with pain that typically is bundled together. But in the case of Ibara; who, once again, has the burden of the complex mammalian brain... maybe she does feel pain, even if it's not "real"! It likely has to do with whether she has the expectation of and emotional association of fear/pain/etc, so simply cutting away the vines aren't likely to make her hurt. But I don't think phantom pain is out of the question, especially for someone already as high-strung as Ibara and who has so many wires crossing at so many times because of the nuance of the signals transmitted from cell to cell.

And related to touch... a fascinating and storied study in plants includes gravitropism and proprioception, or-- balance and how they know what's up and what's down! People have incredibly complex proprioception systems (most people know about the inner ear, but it goes far deeper than that!), and plants, too, make use of this ability. In fact, it's integral for plant growth.

Plants have two main mechanisms for gravity sensing. The root caps, and then in the stems, the endodermis (which is also responsible for osmosis in cells, sorta) both have genes that develop statoliths, similar to the otoliths we have in the inner ear. These statoliths tell the plant which way gravity is pulling. The root caps make roots grow down, the endodermis makes the shoots grow up.

I think for Ibara, her vines have become an extension of her own balance and ability to know where she is in space. Losing all of them suddenly would result in something similar to a damaged ACL-- having to readjust and being wobbly for a while. Not only that, but I think quirks that impact someone's sense of balance would seriously waste Ibara. While Ibara does move her vines in more ways than up and down, the ability to tell what's what still relies on the individual cells in the stems and roots. While Ibara would still be able to produce the growth hormone and self-amputating mechanisms that detach her vines (i have to look more into this, honestly-- autotomy has only been recorded in one type of plant, and even with abscission ibara's vines dont follow typical patterns. smh my head.), there would be little if any control over the movement, especially if the balance reduction hits the endodermis in more ways than one, because that would impair the hydrolic movement that causes movement in plants.... Either way, Ibara's quirk would be rendered functionally useless. Deidoro Sakaki has this one. And in my opinion, with Uraraka's quirk, they would grow, but wouldn't show proper gravitropic bending, and so may also be impaired in their ability to perform actions.

And I think a complete removal of Ibara's vines would honestly feel like... overwhelmingly suffocating? Imagine having so much of the senses you're used to having cut off, it's probably incredibly jarring and upsetting. I don't think she would prefer it to the every day life she lives, because it seems like she's generally not that impeded by her own world view and strict standards, even if others oppose it (OCD queen lets go #1).

So...as a TLDR; I think Ibara experiences normal human sensory input, she just has another layer that bleeds into it. While I often refer to the plant separately in the above, that's solely for clarity of biological mechanic explanations-- they're one and the same, the same way we started reproducing mitochondria despite their likely beginning as a different organism. She may see things that aren't there (like in the case of warning signals from other plants, or in her mental translation of all sorts of things), "hear" things in her mind, smell or taste or even feel pain... while the mechanics aren't the "real" ones we associate with the senses in question, she's still reacting to stimuli she is receiving, and I think she's learned to adapt to it. It's hard to explain, because it almost has a sort of eldritch feel... but really, Ibara is Ibara, she's a bit stubborn and translates everything into her world view, and so that determinative personality probably helps streamline the constant influx of information. Angels, music, emotions, memories-- those are things she assigns to the experiences, but they are no less validated by the biological machinations behind them. Human survival also relies on our ability to feel and the more complex machinations of the brain, the social advantages of more refined expressions and speech, and Ibara's just as human as her classmates, and her quirk ultimately is another part of that, even if we know the individual cells of the plant are without that same neurological function.

[tears-of-boredom]

okay The Hustle is like actually a pretty cute movie, like it fr left me a smile on my face. I can even endure the annoying pop song of the credits for it. also, that is another white boy. slightly different breed but like, same genus still if you catch my drift. but i think i missed the comedy part? like I was very doubtful of the movie at first because it was a comedy and i don't usually really like them tbh, but I like, did not notice any joke in this?? like I know that there were some, but i guess i just thought myself a bit more perceptive. anne hathaway's accent stuck for me apparently. was the part with penny in jail supposed to be comedy? i guess i just dont know what a normal reaction to comedy is. I also watched the first episode of the first season of doctor who, and this is related because I laughed so hard when it was confirmed that the london eye was the like transmitter. not because of the actual joke they did, but because it was literally the first thing i thought of when the doctor gave the description. it was really funny to me that it was literally like one of the top 5 tourist attractions. and also it was funny that they both needed to see the ferris wheel to realise that it's even a possibility. like, london + big circle? you should think about the eye of london immideatly, and then keep thinking of other answers because why the fuck would it be that simple. and I genuinely laughed at that. but then like, i just kind of,, enjoyed the vibe of The Hustle. like there was no part where i laughed, or thought "thats funny". instead i just really enjoyed how light and silly the vibe of the movie was. though, you know, my eat the rich senses were going off the whole time with anna's character, so I didnt enjoy her that much. like, I know that people will just see a girlboss and like her because she "slays", but honestly i never get those things. rich people should be slayed, regardless of whether they slay or not. especially if theyre not even like nice people.

like, I just...I guess she gets a bit of sway with me because she seems to just rob other rich people, but still. whats it matter when she seemingly just hoards the money anyways.

sorry i am like especially on my communist bullshit rn because i personally dont have much money, and that makes me feel really anxious. i could handle it if it was just my own expenses i needed to consider, because like i can handle starving myself a bit if it comes to that, but i live in a household. and I feel really fucking guilty just living here for free. so i feel the need to cover some expenses of others when I can, although i do not need to. but now i cant do that. also I am trying to wait out the deadline of my birthday, when a medical thing i want(need) will be free.

i just fucking hate rich people ya know. oh look at me i bought this car that uses gas that has methane gas in it aren't i so cool.

why are rich people, of all people, always pushing for poor people to invest for later profits. invest 40 years of your life to 24/7 work and maybe youll be able to buy a house, easy as that! and then the same rich people are literally living every day like its their last. what are they investing in when they support oil companies? they are literally living in the moment so hard that they do not care of the "whole fucking planet actively dying" thing.

i hate hypocrites. and rich people. if I was allowed to kill every billionaire(and millionaire), on the condition that i had to literally eat them, i would leave no fucking crumbs. and I would get on some drugs to deal with whatever the side effects of cannibalism were.

wait wasn't this post about the hustle. well, you know. movies about crime are always bound to unleash my red rage. also I'm joking about me being a communist, kind of at least. because i dont know what the like, official ideals of communism are. but its just like a thing of, if someone doesnt like it when I call myself a commi, i probably wouldnt like them anyway. you have to at least be able to joke about being a communist. and I guess this works for facism too, in the way where if you joke about being a nazi, i will not like you. cus acting like a racist "as a joke" isnt really funny.

anyways I am sorry. im tired. and the whole day ive been thinking about how i want to read fanfics. and also how i want it to rain properly. and I know that I could just read the fanfics, there's nothing really stopping me,, but I guess I just dont want to be dissapointed again. the scenes and athmospheres ive been imagining in my head will always be better than any fanfic writer can create. im sorry, I genuinely am tired. i dont know whats up with me, cuz i literally woke up at noon. like I hope it isnt anything long term thats making me so tired.

[this-should-do]

as u command @ollykapelput​ o7

okay so like gordon and being trans, 

like the main thing that i use as a way to duscuss gordon and being himself becuase of how good it is at representing autonomy and mental states is his hair

like in relation to being trans, its already such a thign for trans people, and performing certain gender visuals, and like gordon likes having his hair long, he just does, it part of how he wants to present himself to the world (and hoh boy, is presentation and perception sooo important to gordon, he needs to keep his public image perfect) but its also sucha complicated thign for gordon as well thats hes grappled with, hes got trauma from peopel touching and playingwiht it without his permission simply cuz he kept it really long as a kid (and he also is just sooooo touch averse) and becuz he was a weird girl when he was little he dealt with bullying as well and it was used to grab at him (a tool for later). then as he hits puberty he starts really realizing a)somethings up with his being and b) long ahir even tho he likes it makes him look more girlish and eventually all that culminates to him cutting his hair in a fit of frustration and rage at it all, afterwards his moms and one oftheir friends that gordonw as close to all support and love him and help him transition once he graduates high school (2 years early no less)

once he starts to transition he feels comfortable enough in his passing and sense of self and identity that he can grow out his hair again for a lil mullet that he, as with all parts of his identity, preens religiously

queue the rescas, and now gordon is going thru an intensely traumatizing situation and his hair is once again is entirely out of place with who he needs to be, its in teh way and the soldiers grab it to hold him down (paralleling bullies from childhood) and eventually he reaches a breaking point where he has to cut it off in a fit of despair and frustration which represents a change of self, and now he is contantly dirty and grimy and he doesnt get the chance to clean himself and continue his perfect presentation of self, and hes never perfect in his new role, people hes meant to save get killed in so many ways and he ant stop it or causes it, and his identity is being altered and controlled by forces outside his control to better fit what people need of him and he has to force down his own personality and needs to do so

now as far as logistics in gordons transition, its ROUGH becuz if he starts stransitioning as soon as he gets out of high school (again 2 yrs early becuz hes special like that) that puts him transitioning in 1992, at teh earliest, i made things easier for him becuz one of his moms is trans and hsi moms have a wide network of otehr queer friends, so theyre able to find places and doctors that would make transition faster for gordon, he would also have to have already been in therapy in order to receive the required diagnoses to be able to get access to medical trasiitonal reousrces, particularly hormone treatment, so hed have a year under his belt before he went to college and also have time to get a job before he goes to college. hed also take the time to get any other requiremnts needed to change his name and birth certificate so when he applies to college hes treated as he wants and can do his best to go stealth since hes so young he can still be feasibly going thru puberty so changes are less obvious. if he didnt already need any surgerys to change his documents, hed get top surgery over summer after freshman year. gordon as far as i have planned tho was going to get bottom surgery at some point after the rescas, i did that becuz i thought it was sad, and also it is less public so it wasnt as nesscesary to the money was needed for other things but working at black mesa a few years means money to spare, but i might change the placement on that since that was an older descion beore i did sum research on stuff, i still need to do more tho becuz it is so hard to find sources on what old regulations were in in washington state for changeing legal docs so i have no fucking clue the specifics smh

your mind. your trans gordon lore has consumed my every thought. how does it feel to be so right

it feels great being told by mutliple peolle i am a ref and the first thing they tuink of when they think ahlf life thanks for asking anyways

*starts vibrating with excitement" trans gordon is real and true i have so much actual non metaphor/derived from the games trans things that dirwctly play jnto his characterization that i have consteucted and it is reffed as a main background concept in my longest fic and logistics on his transition to be somewhat believable since he wouldve had to transition in the 90s coming off the 80s and the aids crisis amd hes a transexual and its important to me and and and and-

[frenchphobic]

long fucking post on why a c!dream is a shitty person and probably should not have a redemption because it is unpog

honestly i just want to refute dream apologists thats why im making this post. i think that dream as a villain is interesting but i think that trying to make him out to be secretly a good guy is just bad ngl. also /roleplay and all

tw for abuse and mentions of suicide

dream as a villain

dream is a villain. he is chaotic evil according to wilbur, deliberately does not stream to appear less sympathetic (and yet), and is set up as an antagonist to tommy who bears the title ‘hero’. dream is not a good person, no matter how you look at it or try to justify his actions.

‘but he wants to unite everyone to be a big family :((’ the ends dont justify the means believe it or not. having a vaguely positive goal does not excuse the actions you’ve done. it also goes hand and hand with saying dream is correct for punishing tommy the way he did because he acted up. if i socked you across the face and then suddenly said ‘sorry there was a roach on ur face’ does that make it okay? probably not i still punched you, enacting an unnecessary amount of violence. thats a very simple analogy i will admit and there are more complex comparisons. another example off the top of my head is say a child just scribbled all over you walls with crayons. would hitting them be a justified answer? if u said hes thats really fucked of u go seek help u loon. violence as a punishment is very toxic, just because it gets the job done does not mean it is okay. at the end of the day, you still committed this act and the harm you caused is real, having a good motive doesnt suddenly make it okay.

‘but tommy causes all of the conflict’ the disk war wasnt even caused by tommy, it was sapnap and then tommy got involved. and the reason why tommy even caused conflict was because of the discs, because he wanted them back. and most of the time there was a level of antagonism from another party, such as schlatt exiling him, dream taking the disks in the first place, dream threatening l’manberg. and if dream wanted to end the conflict so badly, why didnt he just give tommy back his disks? tommy upfront said everything started with the disks, so he wants them back so he could end the conflict. notice how after tommy got his disks back he has been staying out of conflict, apologizing to everyone, and the only bad thing hes done is try to scam people but everyone does that. this would have been the most peaceful option, yet dream chose the path that would further antagonize tommy which then draws everyone else into conflict. why did dream need to have leverage over tommy so badly? why did he want to hold power over tommy so badly? its because of control, and that’s ultimately dreams end goal. sure he wants a big server family, but would said family have a free will?

‘but dream is sad’ the thing is dream is completely at fault for everything that happened to him. he pushed away sapnap (and george ig). he tried to take control over the server and their possessions. literally everything that happened to tommy. literally everything involving ranboo. villains can be sympathetic, i am not arguing against that. but it does not mean that they should be left off the hook. that doesnt mean u should ignore the shit theyve done because ‘oh no theyre sad’ because it doesnt make anything better. dream had this shit coming for him.

now people also skirt around calling dream an abuser. which is fair ig, its a very loaded word. its much easier to say manipulated. that being said, dream can classify as abusive. and no, tommy is not abusive. abuse is about control and a power imbalance. dream has power over tommy, but tommy does not have power over dream, at least not in the way dream does. he’s taking back power to stand up for himself, dream uses power to control.

the reasons i listed for why dream is from the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project so if u want a source on that, there you go.

using coercion or threats: dream often threatened tommy, such as the pit thing and often employed violence on him. while normally this could be attributed to Normal Minecraft Player Go Smack. minecraft mechanics cannot always translate to real world since violence is pretty normal in minecraft however we also need to consider the context of the scene. dream gave an order, tommy refused, dream applies violence, tommy submitted. thats why its a threat, it has tangible effects that can correlate to real life.

using intimidation: dream blew up logsteadshire as a punishment. dream also destroyed tommys items anytime he visited. dream also hit tommy with his axe i believe. he killed mushroom henry, one of tommys pets.

Using Emotional Abuse: dream guiltripped the shit out of tommy for just hiding things and pinning the blame on tommy for just wanting his own private items. he definitely played mind games on tommy, pretending to be his friend. honestly i probably dont even need to go as in depth because it was so obvious.

Using Isolation: putting him in exile in the first place. destroying the bether portal so no one could visit tommy anymore. i really dont think i need to expand upon that.

Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming: dream in tommys stream when he got trapped said that exile wasnt that bad. he does shift the blame onto tommy for logsteadshire being blown up, even though dreams reaction was entirely unjustified for not listening and hiding.

Using Economic Abuse: see this is where i attempt to parallel minecraft mechanics to real life. obviously, there is no monetary system in place, so when i mean economic, i will use valuables such as armor, food, etc in place of currency. the idea behind economic abuse is to limit the victim’s resources so that they are dependent on the abuser and cannot escape. dream only really allowed tommy to have the armor he gave him while not giving access to armor so he does not regain a sense of power, and in the prison stream, dream holds all the potatoes which puts him in a position of power over tommy. this argument is more ambiguous i feel cause the whole minecraft mechanics thing is kinda weird so u don’t necessarily have to take this part in.

i feel like i need to emphasize this very strongly because dream is not a good person. abuse cannot and should not be a response to someone. its an awful mentality to have. i just want to prove the point that dream is not a good person, his reasons absolutely do not justify his actions.

what makes a good redemption

redemption arcs are tricky. when done right they are great. when done poorly, its a slap in the face. rn im going to establish a formula to what makes a good redemption with an example.

the most well known example of a good redemption is zuko from atla. first, its the magnitude of what theyve done and why. zuko did commit some shitty actions, since he was in a position of power in the fire nation but its because he is a child being abused and wanted to regain honor. zukos real awful acts was season 1 and the whole betrayal thing. thats not to say that zukos actions suddenly are okay, he did shitty things. but its something that can be traced to a higher entity or seem less malicious then the other villains. the thing also about the magnitude of actions is that there is a certain point of atrocities that there is no redemption. some people simply cannot be redeemed because the actions they commit are so ingrained in their character or the action itself has serious moral issues that it would just be wrong.

the next is acknowleding what they did was wrong. a genuine reflection on the self and analyzing what they did and why it was not okay. zuko realized what he did to uncle iroh was bad for example. he turned his back on his father, realizing he didnt and shouldnt seek acknowledgment from someone as heinous as him. its pointing out your actions and going ‘hey, this wasnt right i should not have done this’ and not even excusing ur actions. its also going straight for the root of the problem and figuring out to stamp it from the source. just because a character is sad does not mean they are reflecting, sometimes they are attempting to garner pity. it has to be direct and clear acknowledgement of the injustice.

and finally, an important part about redemption arcs is the actual redemption part. its when you make amends. zuko made amends with katara by trying to help her get revenge, he fought against the fire nation and tried to make things more peaceful in his rule. he apologized to iroh. an important part of the amends section is that it does have to be a genuine desire to change and become a better person, not to change a person’s perception of you. the thing is u cant expect a person youve hurt to forgive you. you cant expect people to be sympathetic towards you nor should u attempt to make urself sympathetic. u shouldnt be expecting a pat on the back or an award. redemption is about internal and character change.

why dream should not be redeemed

ive already established the key points to a good redemption (imo) but heres where dream falls short. his actions are extremely heavy so redemption may not even really be possible. abuse is not something you can wave off so it does cross to the point of fucked up. acknowledgement of what he did was wrong? all he said was that he changed, yet never explained why he changed or was too vague. he needed to label specifically what he did and bring it up. attempting to make amends? he’s been doing the exact opposite in fact he continues to manipulate tommy and ranboo. its not a genuine change. he is still repeating the cycle and has given no indication of ceasing. at the moment he does not have any signs of redemption.

and the thing is most of the attention around a dream redemption comes from either justifying his motives (which i do want to emphasize does not make anything suddenly okay) and because he is sad in prison sad face. these are not good reasons. its gonna pain me severely to bring this up but snape from harry potter does have some form of sad character ig yet he very much abused his authority to bully children as old as 11 just because he said ‘aight gonna die’ doesnt suddenly make his general bigotry and abuse suddenly okay there is a threshold. again im so sorry for using harry potter as an example none were coming to mind and i needed a popular one i do not like harry potter please dont say i do i would pass away.

and the last thing to consider is the audience. keep in mind that the audience is composed of minors and while yes there are adults, minors are the main component of the fandom. keep in mind that there are quite a few people who can relate to tommys character because they might be in the same position or have gone through his experiences. tell me what kind of message does it send to that audience that abusers can be redeemed. this is not a narrative u should push to this audience in these situations and the writers are seemingly aware of it. remember how in exile tommy spiraled into a suicidal mentality? consider how fucked of a message it would be if he just committed suicide instead of escaping abuse and attempting to recover from his experiences. tommy did an excellent job in not going that route and having a message of ‘it will not get better’. its the same thing here. victims are not obligated to care for or forgive their abuser, and portraying an abuser as sympathetic might fuck with the message a lot, even change their perception in that ‘oh, maybe my abuser was right, maybe they had a reason for treating me the way they did’. this is not to say that every victim watching this will internalize this message, but people also look up to these characters. there can be a degree of influence from the story onto oneself and thats the dangerous part.

conclusion

all in all dream is a shitbag asshole and probably shouldnt get a redemption because it would not be pog thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[reyeslonestar]

Question what are some things you wanna see in season 3 of lone star? Character development, plots, anything

I want to see Tonya Kong write every episode. that's all. thanks for asking!

-

sadfkja I joke, I do have other ideas, but that is definitely high on my wish list! i'm gonna go through by character and talk about what I'd like to see for them, so this is gonna get quite long whoops...

the main thing that I'd like to see overall, though, would be evidence of an overarching season plan or arc - it doesnt necessarily have to be a plot that stretches through all the episodes or anything major, but I'd love them to have plotted out the season before they start. from watching this season and then reading interviews after the finale, they dont appear to plan many things from the start and end up throwing in ideas as they go along. if they plan it from the start they can foresee how theyre going to affect character development more, and they can have a bit more balance in the types of episodes they have, so that the season is less insane and more naturally ebb-and-flow with a few light episodes to break up the drama.

okay, onto the characters! just going to do this in billing order for simplicity's sake. customary reminder that these are just my own opinions and thoughts, and this is more of a wish list than a realistic expectation.

if you want to search for a specific character, ctrl F for one of these terms including the dash at the start:

-Owen

-Tommy

-TK

-Grace

-Judd

-Marjan

-Paul

-Carlos

-Mateo

-Nancy

press “j” to skip the whole post.

-Owen

okay so I'd love to see them actually develop his character. Owen has been given a lot of backstory with lots to play with development-wise, but to me it feels like the show never goes anywhere with it. he's got a lot going on what with 9/11, feeling responsible for the fates of his fellow firefighters, the codependence of his relationships etc. I'd like to see him go to therapy and see him grow some self awareness and seek to manage himself better, rather than all his screentime devoted to him being a hero when other characters have the situation handled. it would really show him as a good leader if he drew on the skills that his team has and refer to them for advice/ideas. realistically he is the main character, so I'd like them to develop him like one.

also, I kind of love the chief role for him? I think it would suit him really well. but it would drag him away from the 126 and split up the dynamics too much so it would make for bad tv and I wouldnt actually want to see that. good for his character though.

-Tommy

I love Tommy :) just wanted to say that.

so obviously Tommy's got a lot of grief to handle next season, and I don't want them to shy away from that. I want it acknowledged and processed. (I'd also like a little bit of seeing the twins' grief too, because they're also suffering a massive loss). maybe something with Judd helping Tommy learn to manage her grief with his own experience of losing the original 126, encourage her to go to therapy, plus Tommy, Grace and Judd all feeling the loss of Charles together. after all, Grace and Judd were his friends and they will be grieving too.

I'd also kind of like to see Tommy have something outside being a working mother. obviously we're going to need to deal with that a lot especially now that Charles is gone, but I feel like she's been assigned the Character TraitTM of being the working mum and I'd like to see them give her a hobby or something. idk. and give her a night off with Grace or something. give her something just for her.

-TK

okay so I think theres a fair likelihood that theyre going to return to looking at TK's addiction next season which im not averse to. I think him struggling with his sobriety would be worthwhile to see for his character and to show that its not a straightforward path, plus it makes sense with all the insane stuff they've thrown at them in s2. however, Id like to see it in the context of his friends and family rallying around to help and support him and show him that he's got people to rely on, and that he's allowed to rely on them, plus the support of his AA meetings and therapy. I also need them to lay the groundwork for him struggling, so putting in signs of him deteriorating so the situation makes sense. this storyline doesn't need surprises to be interesting or good, and frankly it shouldn't have any.

as for him and Carlos, I definitely want to see them househunting! I'd like to see the combination of househunting/Carlos with Tommy's kids/Grace and Judd having their baby have an impact on their perspectives regarding their future and spark that conversation (like, looking at houses with more rooms and thinking about kids, future, marriage etc). I think that maybe one of them, probably TK, or maybe both of them those boys have way too many parent issues having anxieties about being a dad could be an interesting way to add tension without being too drastic, and then that can be resolved in a way that reassures them of their relationship and reaffirms their strength as a couple. the talk about the future would also lay the groundwork towards a proposal at the end of s3.

-Grace

grace :) my love :)

I could watch episode after episode of Grace kicking ass and saving people over the phone. I'd love to see an episode set there? like, some kind of story within the call centre with all the handlers having to resolve that between them, but also tie in the first responders, so we see the fire team, the paramedics and Carlos all working but we only see the bits that Grace and the other call handlers hear, if that makes sense? also an actual Grace/Carlos team up where they are coming in from the different angles with different amounts of evidence and figuring out the best way to solve something together. plus I'd like to see her maybe get some recognition for being awesome at her job, maybe another handler coming to her for advice on how to solve something.

of course we've got the baby Ryder on the way, and I want that to go comfortably and smoothly for her. she deserves that. lots of wholesome excitement for her and Judd from the whole extended firefam, baby shower, gifts, the full works. pamper grace please.

-Judd

judd4captain2k22. please.

yeah I know its not gonna happen, but I loved judd stepping in as captain this season and I'd love to see that continued with him taking more leadership, and Owen deferring to him for advice/council in a work environment rather than personal life. maybe set up a long term idea about judd being a captain someday.

he's gonna be a dad :') so what are his anxieties about that? why were they putting it off before? was it related to his PTSD? he's got lots of people relying on him now, how does that make him feel? what if his kid loses him? id like to see him still using therapy as a tool to help himself deal with everything. lots of meaty questions to dig into there :D

-Marjan

I'd quite like to see more of her balancing her daredevil nature with the impact of that and realising how much danger she puts herself in sometimes. or on the flip side, maybe the team is dealing with a really dangerous situation and they utilise her fearlessness to save people. her relationship with social media could also come back? but bring in the development they gave her this season, and her Firefox presence is more serious, less flippant?

I think that theres now a space for her to explore her sexuality/romantic experience now that she hasn't got her engagement with Salim as a kind of failsafe. maybe she wants to put herself out there and date, but thats really daunting as shes never really had to do that before? personally I think this could tie in really well with a self discovery/exploration regarding her sexual orientation, but I doubt they’d go there with her, so thats just my headcanon.

-Paul

I want them to draw on Paul’s observational skills and perceptiveness more, especially on calls and in emergencies. I remember someone (sorry I cant remember who) pointed out that he would have been a great character to centre the arsonist plot around in terms of noticing the clues etc, so id love a storyline that revolves around him dealing with an emergency like that. I also really want a Carlos and Paul friendship so maybe them collaborating on a call to solve something, that’d be cool.

can we give Paul a girlfriend please. if im not complely insane, there was a reference to someone in like,, 2x04?? someone who put mayo in his sandwich? idk I havent checked (edit: it was aioli in his banh mi! thank you @meneatyoghurt), but if there is someone can we show him having a fun and loving relationship please. I dont need there to be any drama. just them having fun on a date or something.

-Carlos

so I know that some people are keen to see him in his police role more but I really don't need much of that. on calls with the 126 I'd like to see him be the officer in charge more, but I don't need police-exclusive storylines. I've talked about it here if you want to know why.

the only area that I'd like to see would be in the direction of reform/addressing the flaws of the system, and I think they can do that on a personal level for him, because he and Mitchell need a chat. if they'd gone with her decision in 2x08, he, Mitchell and the bank robber would all be dead, and I think thats gotta have some impact. also the fact that he was suspended for trying to preserve life. theres a lot they could work with there and maybe have him thinking about how he can do good and how he can effectively protect and serve. not to mention, the opportunity that would provide in terms of addressing his relationship with his dad and how he maybe sought approval by pursuing a police career?

also I’d like him to learn that he doesnt need to accept blame/preemptively put blame on himself and that he doesnt need to apologise when someone else hurt him. kind of want to send him to therapy. kind of want to send all the characters to therapy. but yeah, him learning that he can accept apologies and understand that he doesnt have to make people feel better for hurting him. hes allowed to be hurt and feel pained about it. and that can tie into his relationships with Mitchell, with TK and with his parents.

I think I mentioned most of the tarlos stuff in TK’s section, but I wouldn't mind at least one instance for them where we see it all from his perspective instead of TK’s.

finally ive mentioned above how i’d like a team up with Paul on a scene and both of them figuring it out together. I'd also like them having a friendship outside work, just the two of them, bonding over books and being relatively sane people compared to the rest of their friends.

-Mateo

Mateo is so sweet. I loved 2x14 and the recognition he got, more of that please! also theres still so much I want to know - one of the more consistent things they set up for him in s2 was his faith, so I want to know more about that. what's his relationship with religion and God? he's pretty isolated from his family so how does he feel about that? is his religion something that helps him feel connected to them? maybe the church helped him find a community when he first came to the states, before he got settled with the 126, and he finds reassurance in faith that God is looking after his family while he cant be there? I think maybe there's scope for a conversation between Marjan and Mateo about that, about that distance and caring for their families through faith and prayer.

also, if he's still with the horrible firehouse, I'd like to see the other firefighters being won round by his resilience and stepping up to look out for him, and someone backing him up against the captain. Mateo is used as the butt of the joke most of the time, but I'd also like to see a bit more acknowledgement of things like losing his house and the bullying hes going to get more of from this firehouse.

-Nancy

I think that her speech to Tommy in 2x14 was really telling, and I'd love to see them expand on that a bit more. first on the loss and fear of losing her friends and coworkers, but then also on her hopes and aspirations - she said she wants to be a paramedic captain so lets see her working to take her exams and qualifications, and showing initiative on scenes etc.

id like to see more of her being integrated into the 126 group. she and marjan turned up to the hangout together, so lets develop that relationship more. I would love it to be romantic but I'd also love to see that as a friendship. but also her forming bonds with others in the group as well as more of her and TK being a chaos duo. I love that they stole the ambulance, more of that insanity please!

-

I think thats it? if youre still reading, youre insane and I appreciate you a lot! honestly im open to all sorts of things in s3, this isnt a prediction or anything, its just stuff I think would be interesting based on where the characters are now. 

[shoezuki]

cracks knuckles. i promised to elaborate and i will.

the one common perspective that everyone seems to be able to agree on is that techno / sbi + schlatt + tubbo + ranboo are just genuinely funnier than the dteam, and honestly yes it's because if the popularity. if you go back and watch the dteams older (im talking before 2-3mil subs) videos they are funnier than their current ones and i think it's because they're trying to shift their humor to a broader audience?

the minecraft community has always been mainly queer/poc/ndv kids because it was exiled away from "acceptable society" for so long that only the people who had already been "exiled" continued to enjoy it. I, as an example, stopped playing when it became a cringy thing because I was so worried about being seen as weird. now that ive discovered, come to terms with, and enjoy my queerness, i realize that if i had known i was queer back when mc was exiled i wouldve continued to play because i alrwady would have known what it was like to be part of that seperate society. (Please keep reading i promise I have a point)

but then minecraft came back. minecraft became mainstream again, and it came back HARD. watching it go from something that you would be bullied immensely for to something that you would be bullied for not doing was an extreme experience. in all honesty im still angry about it, but that's another topic. when minecraft became mainstream it brought with it all of the people that hadn't been part of the exiled societies yk? including... the dream team.

dream blew up. we all know how much he blew up. i personally dont believe he cheated on the speedrun but to each their own (although after reading your stuff and becoming more critical of them im realizing i might need to reexamine that), and the speedrun controversy brought even more people to his base (cough drama loving straight white girls cough).

when they were brought into the fanbase that's when it started to go downhill. they shifted their humor to fit that, or maybe their humor was always that and they just got more confident in showing it after they had gotten a fan base to back them up. which is also why techno / sbi + schlatt + tubbo + ranboo (who ill refer to just as techno&co now because he's the main one but also that's long as hell lmao) are funnier than them!

for one, their fanbases are smaller. now 5 mil is by no means a small number, but compared to dream's 16 mil? yknow. especially with techno's wack upload schedule he's never had to worry about having a stan fan base because the only people who stay are people who genuinely enjoy his content the way it is.

two, techno&co are mostly ndv. techno has adhd, tubbo has dyslexia, wilbur had and maybe still has depression, ranboo has anxiety, tommy hasnt confirmed or denied his adhd but im betting he at least has borderline. i am in no ways saying that being part of one minority (in this case ndv) gives you free range over another (queer), but all minorities have this understanding about what it is to be part of an exiled community (if that makes sense).

philza and schlatt, not so sure if they're ndv, but they're also older and generally more mature and esp in philza's case, theyve had their chance to make their bad jokes and pull stupid shit and theyve grown out of it (if they ever had that phase at all). techno&co have that understanding and even if they dont know where the boundaries are they know that queer humor (and all humor! other than techno, sbi doesnt really make gay jokes) going to have boundaries, and they respect that.

three, techno is the funniest bitch because he has adhd. i dont take criticism on this point because im right.

i probably missed a lot, probably got some stuff wrong, but all in all i think i hit my mark. i can come off anon to chat anytime if youd vibe w that. no pressure to respond to this! have a good day, etc etc, it was fun getting to tear into the dteam in a safe space. respect for them and their fanbases, their humor is a little off but i still gotta respect how well theyve done. btw i woke up and rolled over and started typing I haven't proofed this at all so yeah. :) - andy

And your brain is fucking massive yo like u must got chronic back pain too from holdin up all these Thoughts in ur head

I really like. Minecraft fans is So varied cuz like u said it was so very 'cringe' before. I got into mc again n playin it w my siblings years before it Popped Off again entirely cuz i stopped Giving a Shit that it was 'weird' or any a that. N sbi have been goin strong through it So Long both when it was hotshit and when it was "cringe"

N definitely like minecraft ive always noticed has a Massive ndv community. I dont know entirely what it is like definitely part of the 'cringe' factor like u said and also cubes make our brains go brrrr? The aspect of self expression in it? I dont know but we Been Here

I do think dteam's content and shit like. It obviously moved in sync with perceptions of mc to garner a Big General audience. Dream blowing up entirely had to do w the Trends and how mc got popular. Therefore hes audience is Huge and Varied

In contrast w techno n like. He has blown up quite a bit too. But i feel its fair to say he Hasnt altered his content significantly. Or at least like. How its presented, what he does, etc. For fucks sake he doesnt have a stream schedule. And although his content is Still garnering a Large and really varied audience it feels more like. Isolated and homogeneous almost

Like. I can go into the technocord right now and say 'dont forget to take your meds' and at least 20 or so ppl would be all like Oh Fuck Whoops. Theres SO many of us adhd ppl in there. I always goof bout techno jus sayin pspspsps and the neurodivergents crawling up from the floorboards but honest to god. His content and jokes and i suppose Personality jus appeals to us So Much. Same goes for sbi pretty heavily honestly altho i feel its most evident in techno's most Dedicated fans

Also. Lbr. The people who stay through technos schedules and content Droughts are the ones who be hyperfixating Abskfvdkdsjsjsl

BUT going into sbi as a Group like. They are friends. And together they are fucking hilarious. N i feel it strongly like. The fact theyre all such Varied people of different ages and such helps w that shit. It Works So Well.

Long story short being neurodivergent makes you funny as hell letsgo

[theunconcernedembalmer]

what’s the issue with elisop? is it just bc you hc aesop as ace? im so concerned by seeing ppl adamantly opposed to mlm/wlw ships but im also genuinely curious about why you dislike it and other lgbt ships so much lol

hmm. that is a strong accusation, n i find it just a bit odd. are you new here? or perhaps you are taking personal offense at my dislike towards a favourite ship of yours and using the lgbt argument as moral high ground?

whatever the case may be, i thank you for asking. if u r truly looking for an answer, its below the cut n it is very very long. mind u these are all my personal opinions n i am in no way policing how others enjoy ships. just in case this wasnt clear; i dont wish to start discourse on this blog, especially since my takes are probably... unpopular.

firstly i would like to address the “disliking lgbt ships” bit, because this has very strong implications in itself. i have nothing against lgbt ships. i enjoy them, even. if the two characters have chemistry between each other, i ship it. however, the moment characterization is broken for the sake of romance, i lose interest. this is generally my stance on ships in general, n this applies for both straight n lgbt ships. 

the ships themselves are fine. however, i do have issues with the ship dynamics, so ill let u in on that.

i want to touch on mlm ships in particular; i believe u are familiar with the top/bottom dynamic that is rampant in these kinds of ships? (i wont deny that this dynamic can be found in other types of ships, but for arguments sake i will be focusing on gay ships because i feel that this occurs more commonly here) its such a popular dynamic that is prone to stripping the personality from one if not both characters, only for them to be reduced to being dominant/submissive. for a character to be pigeonholed into a stereotypical category based on... preferred sexual positions? its just downright insulting, never mind the larger more problematic implications of it. top/bottom is not indicative of someones personality, by the way. flattening multi dimensional characters into these stereotypes is so so so insulting.

unfortunately this is The Most Popular portrayal of just about any gay ship around. ive seen it being used everywhere in so many fandoms n it just about becomes apparent to me that ppl come to stories looking for a Ship. not the stories, nor the characters, just a ship. while id like to say theres nothing wrong with that, keep in mind not everyone is just looking for 2 characters that look pretty next to each other. if i ship something, i see interesting n meaningful interactions between 2 characters, which is so often not the case once u bring in the top/bottom dynamic. why is it so popular? because somehow this is what ppl like from a gay ship n hence it sells. ppl want the drama, characterizations be damned. ppl want to see the big kiss that happens in the end, n maybe the sexy parts that come after. characterizations be damned.

so u can say im a little wary of gay ships when they cross my feed. hell, as a joseph aesop shipper i see this trope everywhere n im pretty disappointed as well. small tangent but i feel like this is the reason why zh0ngli n ch1lde is so popular in g3nshin. i try to see the appeal, i really do, but after a long while of analyzing their respective characters i dont think they have as much chemistry as ppl think they do. dont even get me started on how incredibly ooc they make either of these very interesting n unique characters in ship portrayals. all because of the top/bottom dynamic that ppl want to see. i say this for that particular ship, but this is pretty much the case for a lot of ships out there, n the latter part is painfully true even when the 2 characters do have potential between each other. ill say it again im disgusted by the blatant disrespect to the characterizations if all ppl ever want is 2 pretty puppets to mush lips together. cos thats what theyre essentially reduced to this way.

n its so obvious to see when an artist subscribes to this rhetoric, because u can so clearly see it in the way they draw their characters. the “top” generally has sharper features to go with their “dominating personality”, while the “bottom” has disturbingly softer, feminine, dare i say sometimes child like features “to submit”. n thats where the uwu soft gay trope comes from, i believe. which, in case u still dont know, i hate with a burning passion.

so again for ppl with impaired reading comprehension, im fine with ships, including lgbt ones, but the moment u break characterization for the sake of the ship, im not that okay with it. u want to do it for a short crack comic? fine. but if thats the only way ur portraying the 2 characters then im immediately wary of ur content. ill still look at it cos usually the art is really good, but im very very wary. so im not “adamantly opposed”, just very critical of how the ships are being portrayed. if other ppl want to enjoy their ships like that, sure. just dont expect me to join in on something i dont agree on.

.

now id like to address not shipping “because i hc aesop as ace”. for ppl who are new to the blog (hello there), im an ace in a romantic relationship, so thats definitely not the reason i dont ship elisop. its more of being in a relationship has largely shaped my views towards romance as a whole. even before i met my boyfriend, i hated the romance genre in stories n media. most of it comes off as incredibly forced, especially those love triangles they seem to love putting into teen novels. thats one reason why i stopped reading when i was younger, but i digress.

did i partake in shipping when i was younger? i did. for a gay ship too (if anyone really wants to know, its kurotsukki from haikyuu. at least this was one that i can remember, i was mostly working on my 20 odd ocs for the longest time). i also used to write little short romance ficlets that i never posted anywhere cos i hated (n still do hate) my writing. but writing romance when u dont have experience was really just a way of projecting n probably a way of coping for myself, not that i knew at that time. but after i actually started a relationship with my boyfriend (whom i love n cherish a lot thank u very much), i began to see how much all these have skewed my views towards romance n have actually done some harm to our relationship. the bullshit that the general media feeds u constantly doesnt help in the slightest either.

quick topic shift to elisop in particular (about time, right?). i already stated that i only ship characters if i sense chemistry between the two personalities, n if u have seen the part where i dont ship elisop then u must have seen how agonized i am over not being able to have a concrete personality for eli. that is the main problem i have with elisop: eli does not feel like a solid character to me. n that is a huge problem, because if he doesnt have any defining characteristics besides being mild n nice, then he can be whoever i want him to be. (i have done this in my exorcist comics, i will admit this. n the fact that i can just do that... it really does not sit well with me personally.)

n that is dangerous.

back to young me doing lil ship things. i think its also pretty safe to say when u really do ship 2 characters, chances are u kinda really relate very very hard to at least one of them. that very quickly can turn into projecting, n shipping therefore is not “exploring the relationship between 2 characters” n it becomes “my preferred dating simulator 101″. of course this isnt always the case, but at least it was for me, n subconsciously it might be for lots of ppl too. n since this is ur mental playground, u call the shots, n there is no consequences if u slightly (or even entirely) alter one or both personalities to fit ur desired narrative. n u wouldnt even notice or know, cos ur blind to ur own biasness.

we bring our perceived notions into real life, im sure u know that. so when ur partner does not become that perfect knight in shining armour, or when they get upset at things that u do (which is a very normal thing by the way), n u think (very subconsciously), That isnt what my otp would do, something is wrong here (nothing is wrong, actually its just ur skewed perception of a stable romantic relationship). why wouldnt ur otp do this? because u are both halves of ur otps, there is no hidden secrets between them (apart from the pining part but thats irrelevant), n again they have been altered to fit ur preferred narrative. 

a real relationship requires a lot of communication between parties, because newsflash, liking someone doesnt mean that u have to like every single thing they do, they will make mistakes n it will hurt u, n guess what, the reverse is also true. if u do go with absoutely anything that they would do with 0 objections whatsoever, ur not crushing on someone, ur idolizing them, n that power imbalance is detrimental to a relationship. these things are not obvious to ppl, especially when the whole climate is hell bent on getting into romantic relationships by a certain age or some bullshit. communication is key n is pretty much the only way to solve relationship issues, because the other person has a lot that u r not seeing n vice versa. as similar as 2 ppl can be, i doubt u can have 100% the same thoughts on all things. i dont make the rules.

so in ur mental playground u focus on the fluffy parts, maybe there is communication, but rarely is there any meaningful conflict. thats unrealistic, n if u bring that mindset to an actual relationship, thats not going to end well. i say meaningful conflict, because yes, generally u shouldnt have conflicts with ur significant other. but inevitably when ur with each other for long enough, u will realize that there are habits that u must change in order to be with the other person. habits that are harmful to the other person directly, or harmful habits towards yourself that indirectly harm the other person. these are meaningful in a sense that if left alone, it will manifest into larger problems that will harm u, the other person n the relationship as a whole. its meaningful to the relationship.

all these is made even worse if ur neurodivergent. maladaptive coping practices, self sabotaging behaviours, inherent disabilities. all these must be adjusted n addressed. im so incredibly thankful for my boyfriend for being incredibly patient with me when working all these out, n it has not been easy for me to work on myself n all my problems, n im still not done working on them. this aspect is often not explored in romance in general (or properly), n there is a very good chance i would have still been stuck in the unhealthy mindset of “this isnt like my otp, maybe we’re not meant to be”. because loving someone is a choice. no one is made for each other, it is a conscious choice made between 2 ppl to make things work. this is how arranged marriages work, i am told, n i do see the appeal, not that it actually does appeal to me culturally.

special mention to the kurotsukki ship, cos from there i found a very, very good fic that explored their relationship before n after getting together, n it actually showed aspects of this problem in the incredibly slow burn of (at that time) 20+ chapters. it was just one fic (n a very good one at that, i believe it was called Leviticus), but it had a lesson i never thought i needed to learn, n learn it i did, with a lot of help from my dear. 

this is also probably the reason why i dont really want to delve too much into romance now. i know its a lot of work, n everything (mostly) that the media feeds u is really false advertising, but ppl eat that shit up n so it remains one of the most popular genres to date. im just very wary that if i do start on a romantic story, i want to be able to show it in a way like that fic did, the truths of relationships, because i dont want to make something that sells, i want to make something that meaningful to me, if a little indulgent. n that also includes being very careful in how the respective characterizations will change in a relationship. almost too careful now that i think about it, but its not something that i mind. i was never one for romance from the start, n now im very careful about shipping because of what happened to me persoanlly.

okay enough about me, lets talk about aesop. in any au u put the character in, the essence of the character must remain despite the change in environment. so lets say we have ur typical modern au. dead mom, check. shitty mentor doing illegal stuff? also check. autistic boy with social anxiety? we’re good to go. all these have implications on aesop as a character, n while ppl are aware of this, again the way they go about portraying it can go, in my personal opinion, very wrong. ppl who immediately woobify aesop completely because he has autism annoy me. ppl who reduce him to uwu soft boi cos he has social anxiety do not know how the disorder really works n as someone who has that i hate it to the core. ppl who do all these for the sake of ship have lost my respect. its insulting.

remember the top/bottom dynamic? not that elisop is completely free from that (even if i dont know much about eli, to put him in either one of those stereotypes feels very insulting to his character. i wont even say anything about doing it to aesop its so upsetting), but its not entirely made up of either. but now i want to introduce another trope i am very wary of, which is “i can fix him”. im sure u guys have seen the meme going around poking fun at this trope (for those who havent, its along the lines of “u can fix him? well i can be his worst nightmare”) n no doubt yall would have seen it n gotten sick of it in some forced hetero romantic bullshit. we have one damsel in distress with a saviour that solves all their problems just by existing n being romo with each other.

remember “my preferred dating simulator 101″? this is not mutually exclusive n from my point of view this is dangerously close to this trope. lets be real, if it was actually a thing that all ur deep rooted trauma magically disappears if someone were to waltz into ur life, we would want it. definitely. no painfully dissecting ur own problems n constantly facing them head on. real life states that this is not the case, but it will not stop us from dreaming. n so this trope is born n lives n will go on.

(finally) pulling aesop n eli into this, at least in my mind, u have one severely traumatized boy with lots of issues n u have this. nice mild guy who can be anything u want him to be. i hope u can see where im going with this, n thats the direction i see some elisop heading towards (i dont read a lot of elisop to be fair). if u came from my eli character talk, i mentioned that it is incredibly one sided. this is exactly what im talking about.

putting it all together in case u havent already, aesop is the damsel in distress, whose problems magically disappear because of elis godly kindness n little to no work on improving himself, n they lived happily n gayly ever after.

can u tell how much that does not appeal to me. 

never mind the butchering of character that inevitably happens somewhere somehow, the unrealistically perfect themes n implications of this trope makes me so viscerally uncomfortable. this is, of course, due to personal reasons, n i definitely see the appeal of this dynamic because i would probably have been interested in this once upon a time as well. but as i am now, with everything i have explained up there n everything i have been through, i would politely rather not.

n its difficult to think of another dynamic, because of how little i know about eli apart from him being this saint, which easily makes him a candidate for being aesops trauma panacea. never mind aesop rarely, if ever, does anything for eli as a character in return, n its so damaging to buy into this rhetoric, where a person like this who would solve all ur issues no strings attached exists somewhere in the world. they really dont. a relationship has to be mutually benefitting, or it will be draining n disastrous. maybe u say, Oh its nice to imagine it once in a while. n yeah, i agree, except once in a while is a little difficult to keep track of n that is sort of what happened to me. id rather stay as far away as possible from this kind of unrealistic fantasy, i just got this shit sorted out with myself n my boyfriend.

i have some other reasons, but theyre more personally problematic, so i wont go into them here. but this is mostly n generally why i do not ship elisop romantically. if u do, u do u, and have fun, but again dont expect me to join u. thank u for coming to my ted talk, this took a lot longer than expected.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Izzy and magnus brotp headcanons if u have any bls

i do! i dont think ive ever been asked about them before so yay!

mandatory disclaimer that this post is about the show, not the books, and idc what happens in the books and wont be taking it into consideration here

okay so i think my brotp tag for them ("crazy scientists but make it glam") pretty much sums it up. i love the concept of crazy scientists magnus and izzy. like... if magnus and alec lose braincells when theyre together, magnus and izzy gain braincells, but lose Common Sense

because they are both so into similar things like physics and biochem and technology and magic, so if the subject comes up they will start excitedly talking about idk the possibilities for time travel or something, and alec of course has no interest in those things so hes like "k imma get a drink" and when he comes back magnus and izzy are Actually Seriously Planning On Launching Themselves To Mars and he has to be like "or maybe we could discuss this here on earth???" and alec is really not used to being the voice of reason when it comes to magnus but alas

and i just love magnus and izzy as that duo who can like spend hours talking in depth about the mechanisms of time travel or cures for magical diseases or whichever subject theyre focusing on at the moment and who make a mean team when working together but who can also get Too Excited and lose it a little

other than that the other thing i like about magnus and izzy is that they can relate to each other on that sense of being reduced to The Hot Fashionista, you know? like magnus is called a lothario and izzy is always treated like her one personality trait is Sexy™ and i think both of them kind of use that perception as an armor for themselves. i have talked about that in relation to magnus several times so i dont think it bears repeating because he himself compared his eyeliner to tiger stripes and magicked makeup on when he was feeling bad and alec was coming, so. but anyway my point is that izzy is no different and that was addressed in the sh that is good and lives in my head instead of her just being reduced to eye candy the whole show

like it's obvious that izzy's whole thing with being Sexy™ is something that she uses as part of her rebel act. like, her mom is gonna reduce her to a stupid slut anyway, so why not act the part? case in point: twi!izzy. in the world where the lightwoods weren't making her and alec's life hell, she allowed herself to be a lot more casual. also the way she is always talking about how she can do everything they do in heels, how she always uses her body to be "the distraction" and/or to gather information, to lure in demons even tho thats unnecessary, etc. like i think a part of izzy feels like sex is all she's good at and so she lays that in as thick as possible. she even kind of said so when she said that one of the reasons why she liked raphael is because she knew that sex wasn't a part of the equation for him

disclaimer! dressing in revealing clothes and/or sleeping around is not bad and doesnt inherently mean that the person has Unresolved Issues that end up manifesting like that, or whatever. i think izzy also dresses as she does because she likes it and good for her! she also clearly likes sex and good for her!!!! and it definitely doesn't mean her relationships are shallow because we saw how fiercely loyal she is to those he loves, platonically or romantically. i just think that the way she built her identity around that is partially because it is a good armor - if she presents herself as shallow and concerned only with instant pleasure and looking pretty, people won't get too close. and when they treat her as such, it doesn't hurt as much because she IS laying it on thick and she IS sexy and she can use it to her advantage, even to manipulate people, so whos laughing now?

for example, in s1 in particular izzy was always acting like she cared about nothing but having fun and going to parties, yet it was obvious that izzy actually cared way more about saving the downworld and helping those she loves, particularly alec. like she presents herself as shallow and unconcerned with anything but her own pleasure but it's clear that she's willing to throw all of that away - even give herself up to get married to whoever her parents choose, her own worst nightmare - for what actually matters and drives her: her loved ones and what she thinks is right. she was okay with getting deruned for what she believed in, thats not a shallow person. so obviously that whole thing was an act, and well, why put up an act like that when it borders on annoying honestly? i think it's to protect herself, for the reasons listed above

plus, it makes her mom mad, and a part of her is obviously defining herself in opposition to her mom. if her mom wants something out of her, she does the opposite, and that applies to her clothing too

anyway all of that is to say that magnus and izzy have a similar relationship with 1- their "lothario"/"slut" personas, and 2- the way they understand fashion and clothing. it's about expressing something to others, something that protects their vulnerabilities, for the both of them. and while i don't think they (particularly izzy) are exactly dying to go deep into that subject and their armors, there is that understanding between them, you know? and under the right amount of alcohol and in a safe enough environment when its just the two of them they might even talk about it and its nice to have someone who completely understands it, you know, that pretty specific defense mechanism and being reduced to sexualized stereotypes (especially since both of them are bi. id mention both of them being brown too but izzy's racial belonging in the show is uhhhhh weird to say the least so i wont get into that)

and also just the silly things! going to parties together, going shopping together, remember when magnus and izzy were both wearing the exact same color scheme and pattern? obsessed with the idea of them color coordinating just for like, the challenge of creating outfits that dont look the same or even like theyre supposed to match but that have similars colors and textures and patterns, you know?

also they are fantastic at gifting each other and somehow always know Exactly What The Other Has Their Eyes Own. like izzy will give magnus some eyeliner and he'll be like "how did you know ive been meaning to buy that?" and she'll go "i didnt" and wink at him, and the opposite is also true. or alternatively izzy will get him a book on astronomy and he'll be like "how did you know i was hyperfixating on black holes??" and she'll be like "i didn't" and the other way around as well. alec asks for their help buying gifts for the other more often than not, but izzy realized a long time ago that magnus likes alec's gifts better than hers, because even tho they aren't always a perfect fit, they are always so thoughtful and blow him away even tho that was in no way alec's intention (see: the omamori)

also izzy is fiercely protective of alec, magnus, and their relationship as a whole, which sometimes really warms magnus' heart when she just. jumps in to their defense when someone is being bitchy, you know? it's nice that she has their back

and i think thats all i have for now but aaa i love them

[smallestclowninthecircus]

Season 3 notes popping off

due to my desire to not completely fail all my classes this year i made myself slow down significantly while listening to this season, and the fact that the other person i'm listening along with had to catch up. We've managed to convert several other people to start listening and its pretty great.

ep 81: what does it even mean to be chosen by one of them? And if he was chosen by the eye. we know Gertrude wasnt? Because she cut the eyes out of the magazines?

ep 82: elias lmao. I understand why people like him so much bahshdhdk i thought he was gonna snitch on Jon but he didnt so he's fine. Ok but how do we think he knew all that stuff. Idk probably just institute connections. I love the fact that the recorder just wants to record stuff randomly bjahsjdhd. Elias feels a lot like Michael in the sense that he knows more than he should and talks in a way that implies he just wants to wait and see how things play out for his own benefit. I understand him knowing the things that happened but his description of her emotions implies something paranormal. Maybe he's connected to one of the entities. Which one I cannot guess.

ep 83: did a file get delivered randomly to the place he's staying at? Probably elias lmao. He thinks the mannequin is related to the stranger. Idk I would believe it.

ep 84: worms? I know he says earth worms but idk. Again? Is she making gordon golems out of trash? Martin popping off. You can tell the statements get to him more that they get to Jon. How come martin is so mad about it? I want to assume he just doesnt want her to get stuck there but idk. Jude Perry. The calliope organ. Jon heard a circus in one of the last episodes

ep 89: he's talking to perry? Like jude Perry? He says ... God? Is that what it is? Lmao. The Desolation. Jon is tired of ppl being vague and not telling him stuff lmao. Oh God Jon is so confused. Compel her? Is she assuming he has some kind of power? Does he have powers? Hmm. im agreeing with jon here please jesus christ why does everyone have to be so cryptic. Just say what you mean. "maybe you get an itchy eye" bahasjkdfklsjdf girl what. Agnes saved her? Oh this is the girl from the cafe story? So theres the Cult of the Lightless Flame? They worship whatever entity this is? The Desolation? Why do they all seem like they sorta worship her then? Is Gretchen gonna die oh god. fuckin michael. a different michael aaah. i see. dont do it shes gonna burn you. sir. please. sir dont you dare do- WHAT DID I SAY what did you think was gonna happen hhh.

ep 90: try to make it less obvious you're trying to get fired big T. Elias that doesnt sound like the most healthy thing to do. oh dear is this gonna be triggering for me. uuuuuh. uuuuuuuuuh. doesnt seem like it ok gonna keep listening. Jared. hmmmmm. Ok we've seen Keay and hotner or whatever his name was.

ep 91: Michael Crew. Oh is this the lightning scar guy. Mister jon sir did you just die. No? God everyone is so fuckin cryptic. Say normal things please. They all just like to go on about pain and agony and j e s u s c h r i s t we get it you got hurted by whatever thing. So theyre avatars? question mark? Jude Perry is an avatar of The Desolation? hhhh fractals. thats a spiral thing innit. Yup. messing with your perceptions. God they all talk about feeding their god and feeding that which feeds them and. hh what does that meann. Leave big J. please. uh oh. is it daisy? how come he has the web lighter still? the tape recorder just turns on sometimes you know how it is. So he can compel people? not that he knows it obviously but. a bit wack. powers go brr i guess? If the eye just wants knowledge i guess he feeds it by getting the statements? b/c i doubt it wants him to murder ppl or whatever.

ep 92: elias you all knowing fuck what do you know. (i guess all given what i just said) Lukas. Heard of them before. Mordecai Lukas. Loneliness. The lonely even. Jonah Magnus. Elias ur sounding like a bit of a dickhead rn. lmao jon's just like "i dont care" elias what is ur deal. Why does he want to tie her in. ohh i see. lmao theyre all just like "elias why" The Unknowing lol seems very much like something the eye wouldnt like. lol elias is gettin all philosophical. what does it really mean to be human. this still doesnt answer why gertrude wanted to destroy the archives tho.

ep 93: bahsjdfh he seems so dead inside rip. awww admiral. i love him already. ghh breacon and hope. purple mold. doesnt sound like anything we've seen so far. I think the funniest explanation for breacon and hope is that they dont actually serve the stranger they just kinda happen to be a random neutral party that cart around random spooky entity related stuff. ooooh. when we hear the slight static of the tape recorder it's cuz he's compelling ppl.

ep 94: the end! listen man they were all just grayed up for 4/13.

ep 95: the end also? death but also savagery/ animalistic shit. aww martin. lmao becerra. she's just been chillin in the corner.

ep 96: return to sender. haha minecraft go brr. prediction: breacon and hope? yup there we go. jon why is there an echo. are you in a stairwell? is he gonna eat it- yup. how did i call it. unsure abt what theyre talking about but ok. they kidnapped someone? Sarah Baldwin. ooooh that guy.

ok im just putting this here so i have notes for when nicholas gets to this part. It seems like (from jon's conversation with jude perry) that the desolation and the eye are kinda at odds with eachother? like i guess not directly but it seems like they dont really vibe? so how could be with both. Cuz if he has the heat powers and shit then we know he's an avatar of the desolation. but then why does he have so much eye imagery. also he got burned intentionally? like jude did when she went on her monologue about the feeling of burning? but then why did he wear the eye pendant. it stops him from being burned all the way which seems like he's not fully accepting the fire or whatever.

Nooooo I lost like a bunch of my notes rip. I keep forgetting to save.

Ep 104: tim gives a coherent statement without jon even being there. Ugh. Fucking robert smirk. Dont like him. Joey. Dont recognize the name. The show must go on. Clown. The spooky circus?

ep 105: total war... shogun 2? jon is just understanding languages again. "if i understood mandarin or cantonese" are you sure you dont big man?

ep 106: havent we heard this one already? mans in space? oh no this is just another episode in space. fairchild... uuuh. cant remember. oh! this is related to that! this is one of the ppl from the other side. sounds like a Vast thing. oh he's the one that the dude saw? but that guy didnt have a face... she's sorta like jon. wanting to dismiss the statements. lmao i love the workplace gossip. ace jon for the win! oh cmon elias dont be a dick. sunny meadows or whatever. thats the place we heard about.

ep 107: oh great is it jude perry again. Third Degree. bahahsdkfj she was arrested. sorry but imagining this old british lady getting arrested is funny. she was trying to resurrect him. using the skin book. he's not feeling well. jon take a nap. i wonder if this is what happens when he uses his powers too much. He gets into The Zone when he reads statements lol. didn't we have a burning train car in anothre statement? is it julia fairchild? bahahahs "kidnapped. Again." poor jon honestly. julia... about her dad. daughter of the murder shed guy? hunting like your dad liked to hunt or normal people hunting. oh hunting vampires!

ep 108: melanie has been suffering. poor martin peter lukas why do you have to be like this. can he not just use the front door? does he have to bother the ppl doing statements?

ep 109: how come he cut her off? kinda rude tbh. its either jon's influence or there was smth he didnt want her saying. is it gerard on the table? this sounds kinda like smth from one of the university episodes. is it the closed eye on the hand? yup. he's like one of the students! if the thing listening in is elias then... he can do that without the tape recorder yknow. plus who's to say it wont just turn itself on again

110: who wants to bet its a leitner?

111: Lukas related to The Lonely. I used to not like Gerard that much but i like him more now. but i thought there were 15? ohhh thats right isnt flesh newer? gerry for the win honestly. finally telling jon things.

112: lol "again" no one ever tells any of these ppl anything. tim and basira are just out of the loop constantly. music, like the war episodes. The hunt or the slaughter? probably the hunt. so Daisy is related to the hunt right? basira likes the reading, she's doing fine at the institute. daisy's getting worried...

113: it just turned on randomly. what is it lol. explossives! oh boy. why do they always assume he turned it on intentionally. melanie youre not making me like you that much. which entity is this about i cant tell. lol he was disappointed it was just the end. The title Breathing Room made me think it was gonna be about the buried but i guess not. So many of these entities deal with death but the end is one that deals in just death. it has no need for fancy deaths, just death is enough

114: more hilltop road statements? the tree. oh boy. ok the tree has 8 arms obviously theres the spider parallels. was she taken into an alternate universe? oh no. jon tries to phrase things so he's not asking questions. thats honestly good. "sometimes i was kidnapped" oh dear. they got gertrude. daisy ur so odd lmao. who wants to bet they dont know the tape recorder's running?

115: silaca? or whatever? antique man? meat grinder... related to the meat is meat episode? oh wow. they buy antiques from him. maybe dont antagonize this creature which can kill you?

116: lol theyre all just so done with elias. music? is it like the one band that if you hear them you die or wtvr. oh its chess? i am very much confused. mmm stranger go brr. gorilla skin? oh shit the dance. woah. this is so good. this is so gender. the words are wonderful. "you can just say tim" lmao trying to fool elias never feels like a good idea.

117: except elias lmaoo. oh shit. leitner getting some use for once idk. bruuh poor melanie she has been thru so much shit. martin you can just say youre worried about jon. lol he's so accurate in his jon impression. lol who was that. was that daisy? lmaoo. oop hi tim. oh god i hope tim doesnt die. i feel like i wouldve heard about that? but im not sure. destroying the source of knowledge is gonna be hard for jon. yay jon! you did a good thing. let him rest.

118: go off martin lmao. awww poor martin. oh god the tape gets that squealy quality and its awful.

119: woah. lots of things happening. uhh. POP OFF TIM!!

120: lmao elias giving a statement about jon's dreams lol. damn jon doesnt even get his own dreams? has to stay Watching even when he's asleep? f in the chat this man goes thru so much shit. oh boy its peter. lol martin my beloved. idk i dont trust peter.

[sir-adamus]

I wouldn’t have a problem with Tai being a bad dad if the writing frickin called him out on it but no! The writers genuinely think he’s a good dad.

this is why i hate volume 4 the most because this is a problem with Sun and Jaune here too - theyre at their worst and the writing seems so utterly un-self-aware about that, hell its only with Before the Dawn that any aspect of RWB/Y is actually acknowledging how shitty Suns behaviour has been over his time on the show

like i genuinely think its because they informed their writing with a perception of the relationship that you need context for for the parts we got to make sense with that narrative - like they mentioned that they modeled Tai and Yangs dynamic off of Burnie and Barbs own, but we only see these select scenes with him, his first having gone behind her back to get her a robot arm to “get her back to normal”

his second insulting her, infantalising her and calling her stupid (while also changing the subject on the point she was making - she was saying “im an adult, i can hear a few racy stories about what you got up to in school” and he goes “duh actually youre a dumb idiot kid who isnt ready for the real world”) and complaining that its taking her so long to “go back to normal”, and then shes guilt-tripped into getting back into the action (and at no point is her trauma addressed)

and his third being a long, fundamentally incorrect rant that she barely speaks up in about why her fighting style is bad, blatantly misrepresents how she fought in the previous volume, implicitly victim blamed her for losing her arm and then proceeded to completely mischaracterise both her and Raven (”youre stubborn” he says to the girl who a. never argues back, which would prove his point and actually be a clear character development point and b. has an entire backstory about how stubbornness is a flaw she long since worked out because of how haunted she is by it) - also he frames her as the bad guy for making him talk about Raven at all like he hadnt been a dick about it

and his fourth scene is “yeah just go do my job for me, thats why i keep you around anyway, to take care of Ruby. i have flowers to water”

using “Barb and Burnies dynamic is similar to Yang and Tais” doesnt work because we see no establishment of that, hes just a dick to her and it isnt portrayed like its a regular, harmless thing they do (especially as its thoroughly one-sided with him punching down, she never fires back), he takes up most of her screentime through volume 4 but she ultimately has maybe six or seven scenes through the whole volume and despite how prominent he is they never establish that dynamic with him, which just makes him look like a prick

[themeed]

damn allowed myself to want things for a day and all i want is a van to live in, knowledge, freedom, weight loss, and a bass guitar.

im. happy with that i think. im proud of me, no jokes. im proud of being able to want things and care about them and vibrate towards them with longing. im... pleased with that. its fulfilling in a way Not Wanting For Anything isnt, because thats... kinda hollow. empty. in a vacant, lonely, yearning and grieving and SAD way. maybe because i Couldnt Want then. i Couldnt Desire or it would be used against me or taken away. that sucks. that sucked.

and now. im free to want again. and comparatively???? i think im very much never going to aim for buddhism or that weird Not Desiring Not Attached Nirvana mindset. like good for u but been there out of trauma and its not fun theres no reason to truly Live. u just float endlessly and experience and it aches so badly!!!! it hurts to want to want and not be able to. and i guess that is different from not wanting at all but... its not different enough for me to justify ever going back to that. or going forward to that. i just got this back and screw enlightenment if it means i have to give up on my passions i dont think life is worth living without it.

and anybody who looks down on that from a spiritual tower has yet to examine their own pride and how empty they feel without it.

anybody who looks down and smiles and wishes me luck on my journey? good for them. im glad theyre living their best life, on their journey as they see fit.

and i feel the need to protect myself because ive been hurt by the pride- the arrogance of others before. a lot of my hurts and traumas stem from my mother being too prideful to recognize that she can be wrong and someone under her power could be correct over her. and it was an uncomfortable truth. so she denied it was one at all and hurt me. i know the reason could be elaborated on. she didnt want to confront her own internal logic. or trauma. or even doublethink. that doesnt excuse her hurting a child for the sake of her sense of pride, of comfort, of self-worth. a child under her power, that she claimed to be parent of. teacher of.

not owing anyone anything is not the same as not hurting anyone. i havent reconciled that yet. oppressors should be held accountable for their mistakes, and give reparations if the harm is physical at LEAST. and i think that applies to politics, yes. privately though? if i beat up a nazi, i dont want to pay for his hospital bills. my personal philosophy struggles between equating people and ideas as a worth measurement, and realizing that that line of thinking is... similar to oppressors. but. its based on something people can change. the question is, do i think "if given the opportunity" is a good enough reason to stop and question a racist that runs their mouth? and do i think pre-emptive violence is okay? if say, a nazi walks into a bar and doesnt say anything but is wearing all the red flags and bells and whistles. i dont think that justifies a beatdown. being asked to leave, sure, but the beatdown doesnt start til the first remark flies.

once the intent is given OR the action is taken, the line is drawn. doesnt matter if they Havent Had The Chance. if theyre starting shit outside of debate spaces like that, and not, say, asking questions, theyre not looking for new perspectives, and it is NOT my job to educate people. its not my job to Show People The Light. a quick fucking google search could tell them why theyre wrong. if they havent put even the most basic energy into questioning their beliefs, thats on them.

it sounds like im trying to absolve myself of blame here. largely because. i think i should go out and help educate people because theyre inherently complacent if theyre, yknow, in a position of power. aka white folk and men and rich folk and cis folk and on and on and on. these people dont live my reality. they dont live the reality of a gay black man in the south, or a genderqueer lesbian in the west, or an indigenous woman whose nation is being targeted, or a muslim woman who cannot wear her headcoverings in the face of danger of death, or an asian immigrant who cant get a job because of COVD age discrimination resurging. we will never live each others realities, but we can become aware of them.

they wont come into awareness without someone asking or telling, and then doing something to change them.

we shouldnt need to go running to people in power for them to be aware of problems in the populace, govt is supposed to help and solve issues like this. like. actively. thats the whole point, make life better for the countrys citizens. and individuals in a position of social power...

are individuals who didnt take on a responsibility to protect and serve or otherwise care for the populace of a nation. i personally think they SHOULD care, but they are not obligated to. i cant make them care about others.

and honestly, on some of them, it would be a waste of time. there are people who want to change or question things and yknow what? they seek out answers. in people or places or online usually. stats and stories.

so like. i dont think someones Potential as a person matters when theres a throwdown about to happen. it really isnt my responsibility to save people from themselves or try to change their sides against their will. if they want to chat about it they can ask questions first.

not throw insults or punches or hatred.

what people have been taught is worth analyzing and trying to correct IN SOCIETY but i cant fix every broken white boy that comes to me. PSAs, fliers, outreach, online videos, debate spaces. those are things i already have access to and can be a part of if i really want to go around changing minds. or yknow. get involved in legislation and be myself around others to change their perceptions of whats socially acceptable or normal. maybe protest, maybe call congressfolk, etc.

but not every comment has to be analyzed or a learning opportunity. im allowed to shut it down, and people can respect that or stop talking to me. this isnt my parents house where i had to justify everything that i said or did when scrutinized, and doubly justify any criticism i had of mother, or any joke i frowned at instead of smiling.

these people dont have that power over me. they arent my mother. they arent my boss, and if they are i can fuck off and get a new job if necessary. they dont have financial control over my living space and food and schooling and physical control of where i can go and with who and for how long. I CONTROL THAT. I do.

Huh. maybe thats why i want a van so bad. i mean... when this lease ends if nobody is gonna end up living with me...

i could just... live in my car and shower at truck stops. get a storage unit for my stuff. save by driving jobs. like 40 to 60 a day. tear out my cars back, insulate it, and install my mattress pad there. water on the floor, cooler next to it, wooden cutting coard, knife, single camping plateware set, and another little shelf for spices. maybe a hot plate i can hook up to the car battery? get a long enough usb and it might be doable. i could go camping and open the trunk to just... vibe.

because yeah, honestly? i dont plan on having a solid apartment for a bit. like a long bit. and i still have like 70000 miles on my car before itll want to go. and by that point, even at like 100 miles a day, thats like 2 years, less if i go cross country in that vehicle. i could save up SO MUCH for a better vehicle, or like. college. live on campus, get some credit, continue working after i figure out want i want to do.

i think thats a solid plan, even if i dont get another apartment and put everything in storage. work as i need to instead of all the time for rent, really only paying for gas, car repairs, car ins, food, and phone data/hotspot internet... that would bring my monthly expenses down to like 500 a month max instead of like 1400. id only need to make some 1000 a month doing contract stuff to save for taxes and stuff. anything extra would be just that: extra for savings and things. holy shit.

depending on how this next month goes for my friends, holy s h i t.

i. i might do this. legitimately.

i. dont think i can yet. i need proof of address to get my license im pretty sure? but hey, thatll be my 21st this year, so. once i have that i wont need a new address for a While. i dont know if ill want one, really.

i could always just ask a friend or family member if i could use theirs for mail that cant go to a PO box.

anyway. yeah. wow.

[diepower]

THE BIG BLEACH HC MEME centering around politics, repost & fill out! For anyone who wanted to explore those aspects more, considering it played a big role in the story. Some things may be unknown to your Muse, just think in WHAT IF then & well, have fun and take your time!

BASICS

Name:   Meninas McAllon    / / /    Age:   1000+ years    / / /    Gender:   nonbinary woman Race:   Shinigami / Quincy / Hollow / Fullbringer / Visored / Human / Other Currently lives: (verse dependent) Soul Society / Hueco Mundo / Silbern / Living World / Hell Exact Location: again, verse dependent, but Silbern in general and then Squad 12th’s basement in her CFYOW verse... haven’t quite ironed out all the details of her post-canon AU beyond that it’s set in the Living World, though Group(s): Wandenreich, Shinigami (specifically Squad 12 and not by choice)

QUESTIONS

- Would your muse consider themselves more: GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL ? - Would your muse consider their group more: GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL ? - How does your muse think others see them: GOOD / EVIL / NEUTRAL ? - How does your muse think others see their race: GOOD / EVIL / NEUTRAL ? - How does your muse think others see their group: GOOD / EVIL / NEUTRAL ?

- Is your muse considered a threat: YES / NO ?   By whom?:  Soul Society - Is your muse powerful: YES / NO ?  Could they be considered OP:  YES / NO ? - Did your muse any crimes: YES / NO ? - Does your muse think they are doing mostly the right thing: YES / NO ? - Would society think the same: YES / NO / MIXED OPINIONS ?

- Does your muse think they are treated unfairly: YES / NO ? - Does your muse feel understood from others: YES / NO ? - Is it important for them what others think of them as a person: YES / NO ? - Would they welcome death:  YES / NO ? - Will they ever find peace:  YES / NO ?

01.0.  Do they fully stand behind the group they are part of? YES / NO. Why is that? Explain: To Meninas, the Wandenreich are a means to an end; a way for her to be placed in a position where she might exact her revenge on Soul Society for the deaths of her parents during the original Quincy genocide 1000 years prior. In addition, being recruited into the Wandenreich also puts her in a closer position to Yhwach himself, whom she firmly believes is equally responsible for the deaths of her parents due to his ineptitude as a leader and “god”. She has no loyalty to Quincy as a race, and only greater purpose is to become the Strongest of all Quincy (not even particularly the “Strongest Quincy”, as she prefers her fists over traditional Quincy techniques). She is exclusively motivated by her own personal sense of justice, and will do whatever she must to attain it.

02.0.  Do they like as things are in Soul Society? YES / NO. 02.1.  Is there anything they would change? Explain here: Soul Society is a corrupt government body that uses methods of fear, torture, and suppression to uphold their very self-serving ideals of justice. Already armed with this perception, Meninas also sees this firsthand while captive to Mayuri Kurotsuchi and must personally carry out such tactics firsthand. While she doesn’t in the fullest capacity know how to change Soul Society because the root of evil is much deeper than anyone would think, she believes that a number of practices and traditions and captains ought to be destroyed; torn out, root and stem. She also hates the nobility that control many of the policies and buy their way into the Gotei ranks. Those who fight and do the work have earned their place at the top, those who do nothing and hoard their wealth while watching those at the bottom suffer have no place in policy making, regulation, or enforcement.

03.0. Would they ever actively try to bring change (in general)? YES / NO. 03.1. Is your muse more: passive / active ?  Introverted / Extroverted ? 03.2. Does your muse care more about: others / themselves ? 03.3. Do they trouble their mind over a lot of problems, others? YES / NO. 03.4. Do they mostly involve: the world / everyone / themselves / comrades / friends / family / elderly / kids / teenagers / home / workplace / strangers / souls / humans / quincy / shinigami / nobles / fullbringer / visored / hollows / espada / arrancar / (former) boss(es) / pets / animals / zanpakuto spirit / enemies / partner / lover(s) / soul king / god / other…(add more) 03.5. Name (up to) three which are the most on their mind (optional, adding names): - her parents in that her original goal was to get revenge against yhwach and soul society for their roles in the Quincy genocide; she cannot remember their faces anymore, but its her memory that they existed at all that drives her actions - bazz-b in that she and him have an established partnership and plot to commit deicide together, and have been keeping this partnership going for the better part of the last 1000 years under the guise that they’re a very messy and very stupid pair of lovers with a loud and destructive relationship. a long time ago, she swore to help bring about the future of the world he envisioned, and her loyalty has not shaken. - the other femritters- giselle in particular being as young as she is, and meninas harbors a strong guilt for recruiting her into the wandenreich (despite being under orders from yhwach). though on the surface their relationship is rife with bickering and light-hearted contempt, she specifically tries to watch out for giselle. - the nobility (not for any particular race, just in general) as she despises those who claim dominion over the others due to circumstances of wealth or fortunate circumstance without actually doing anything to aid the suffering of those below

04.0. Do they think frequently about politics? YES / NO / SOMETIMES. Why is that? Explain: Most of Meninas’ thoughts are politic-focused, although this perhaps isn’t something she herself is aware of, if that makes sense. Most of her thoughts are “it seems to me that this is the way the world is, where it ought to be this other way and I will help to shape it in that image with my own two hands”. 

05.0. How do they feel in their current location, more: POSITIVE / NEGATIVE / NEUTRAL ? 05.1. Why is that?:  This goes for pretty much all locations/bases in her life after leaving her childhood home at the age of 12- she doesn’t regard anywhere as home as much as shelter. She doesn’t like Silbern, but grows used to it over time (hence the neutrality), but is miserable while trapped in Soul Society.

06.0. Does your muse have any goal: YES / NO ?  BIG / SMALL ? 06.1. Does it involve anything world-changing: YES / NO ? 06.2. If goal or not, any future plans? Share here:  She despises the class differences between the weird racist blood purity and nobility schemes of the Quincy to Nobility in any of its forms and greatly begrudges those of high noble status. While she does a good job at hiding this disdain while residing in Silbern and around large numbers of Quincy elite (in wealth and breeding), she resents most of them for what they are. Her young life was shaped by the perception of a person’s worth in the world ruled by pedigree and wealth, and she as a result that a person’s worth is dependent on how useful they are as a tool or object to others. She wants to live in a world where those currently at the bottom stand at the top, and those in power are beneath their feet. As far as plans, she’s spent her entire life living with the purpose of revenge, and acting as a tool or an object. Meninas struggles to reconcile this way of life with any dreams for living in any normal capacity.

07.0. Does your muse know about the original sin of soul society*: YES / NO ? * curious? Read about it here. 07.1. If they knew, would it change their views on Soul Society: YES / NO ? 07.2. More: POSITIVE / NEGATIVE / NEUTRAL ?

08.0. Who is the worst person in their eyes?:  Yhwach, Yamamoto, all of Soul Society 08.1. What should happen to them?  Execution (quick / slow death) / Imprisonment / Stripped of their powers / Torture / Repay for their sins / Pay a Fine / Social Work / lose their loved ones / Exile / other… (add more). 08.2. Explanation:  Frustrating as it is that she can’t force Yhwach to watch his loved ones die because she believes he lacks the capacity for feeling in that regard, she wants him to die quickly and without much thought. No power-stripping, no long drawn out torture, just something to end it all. Soul Society should be stripped of its powers to recognize the cruelty of their dominion and ideals imposed upon all realms.

09.0. Thoughts on the Quincy Massacre if they knew: POSITIVE / NEGATIVE / NEUTRAL ? 09.1. Would they be alright with such thing happening again: YES / NO / INDIFFERENT ? 09.2. Would they try to prevent it: YES / NO / DEPENDS ? 09.3. Explanation: Regardless of how self-focused her goals may appear, she doesn’t want to create a world where more children have to go through what she did.

10.0. Would they ever switch sides: YES / NO ?  10.1. If yes, What could bring them to do so?:    - 10.2. Would they create a new one: YES / NO ?  or join a current one? If so, which: Meninas is now and forever on Meninas’ side.

11.0. Does your muse follow a certain moral code*?:  YES / NO / GRAY AREA ? * (ethics) A written, formal, and consistent set of rules prescribing righteous behavior, accepted by a person or by a group of people. 11.1. What does it involve?: discrimination based on real world (not manga world) issues like racism, homophobia, transphobia, etc shes not a good person but shes not a piece of shit 11.2. What does it NOT involve?: shes cool with murder, torture, manipulation, plotting to kill god. very much “the end justifies the means” for the sake of her ideals  

YOUR MUSE’S VIEWS / OPINIONS ON THESE GROUPS ?

Central 46:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because: corrupt government that doesnt actually go out on the front lines and have no fucking idea what theyre talking about

Four Great Noble Clans:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because: she hates rich people and also its their fault the world is the way it is

Royal Guards / Gotei 13:   positive / negative / neutral .   ━   because: corrupt military upholding their own self serving ideals of justice and righteousness. its hubris that makes them call themselves “shinigami- death gods”. theyre not gods, theyre pathetic people in places of power

Fullbringer:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  truly doesnt care

Visored:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  theyre shinigami AND hollows so extra disgusting

Espada:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  hollows are poisonous. she is not a fan

Quincy:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  the mission is cool, the culture and weird blood purity bullshit with noble lineage is fucked up. she only isn’t completely spiteful because being a quincy herself affords her more power to become stronger, and she loves her parents. overall, she doesnt feel the same loyalty to her kind that others do

YOUR MUSE’S VIEWS / OPINIONS ON THESE (IMPORTANT) PEOPLE ?

Aizen:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  cool that he wanted to revolutionize SS, lame that he relied on hollow power, lamer still that he lost. also, she doesnt like men who talk too much.

Yhwach:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  she sees his ineptitude as a leader and failed god figure just as responsible for her parents’ deaths as soul society. his hubris as a god is just as deplorable as soul society’s itself, it just so happens hes the one who gave her more ability to get her revenge

Mayuri:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  the daten already described him as disgusting, esp detailing his torture on subjects he found to be particularly interesting. Meninas especially hates him after becoming his prisoner in CFYOW following the war. he performed surgery on both her and candice, claiming to have filled their bodies with bombs in order to force them to comply. he took a special interest in the unique state of meninas’ body and muscle density, and as such, there are a number of other “experiments” she underwent at his hands. on top of her being forced to execute soul society’s “dirty work” at his behest in exchange for her life... she hates mayuri

Kurosaki:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  she thinks its disgusting that soul society relies so heavily on a child’s power to be a strong military force, even worse that the wandenreich and yhwach himself sought to take control of that power. despite this, she doesnt hesitate to attack him with the intent to kill for the sake of acheiving her own ideals, and shes also bothered by ichigos apparent blind faith in soul society (from her pov)

Soul King:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because: she thinks the soul king is a testament to soul society and the nobility being disgusting and cruel. and thats all i got bc i still have to do 3 more of these for wildly different viewpoints and my brain is running low on juice

CONGRATS, you managed till to the end, now tag your fellow bleach partners!

TAGGED BY: @zombiequincy thank u hela TAGGING: idk anyone whos wearing socks i tag u

[the-walnut]

Night Vale + Scientists

Alrighty, I’m relatively new to this fandom and all, so I’m not entirely sure how well this actually coincides with canon and whatnot, but I’m going to feel free to vocalize this anyway.

We all know from relatively early on in this particularly lovely podcast that Carlos the “Perfectly Imperfect” Scientist has an unrivalled passion for the unexplained. The idea of mystery drives him crazy, and he chases blindly after anything that doesn’t have a feasible answer, that can’t be understood, that seems far too beyond human comprehension to decode- a trait that, I will argue to my last dying breath, is part of why he fell head-over-kettle in love with Cecil Palmer, perhaps the most mysterious and unexplainable character in the show, and the first impossible riddle he wasn’t hell-bent on solving

Cecil, though, is the exact opposite of his counterpart. See, Cecil’s job is announcing the happenings of Night Vale, not analyzing them. When something occurs out of the ordinary, he doesn’t always need a ‘why’- in fact, in most regards, Cecil’s pretty content to just have a general grasp of what’s going on or what to expect from something and roll with the punches. Animal carcasses raining from the sky? Don’t panic, just get a stronger umbrella. The sun didn’t rise today? You know, that happens sometimes. It’ll pass!

It makes sense, in this fashion, for the fandom to naturally come to the conclusion that Cecil is terrible when it comes to science. I’ve seen a lot of posts and fanart about the worst accidents in the lab being Cecil’s doing, and while they’re amusing, I have another perspective to bring to the metaphorical table.

What we often seem to forget is that, while Carlos always seems to come to the right conclusions at the right times, and make sense of an insensible world, he’s still an Outsider. Night Vale is a curious thing to most of its occupants, let alone an individual who wasn’t born and raised there. There’s a lot of stuff about this one unique speck in the desert that even Carlos doesn’t know anything about, and I have no doubt in my mind that it would hinder him sometimes.

So instead, in the early stages of their relationship, I can imagine Cecil waking up to a call from a frustrated Carlos, going off on an absolute venting tangent from the lab at 4:37 A.M. And at first, it’s a bit of a shock to both of them because, well, from Cecil’s end it is 4:37 A.M. on a Wednesday, and he’s talking particle theory with a man who probably should’ve tried getting some sleep three days ago at the rate he’s going, but all the other members of Carlos’ team have long since gone home, and he usually finds it helpful to go step-by-step through his experiments vocally to catch any mistakes or hash out new ideas.

After at least a full forty-five minutes of Carlos rambling into the phone about how the molecular bonding of this solution shouldn’t be even remotely close to what it is, and that he can’t understand why it keeps giving off such staggeringly different temperatures with each batch he makes, Cecil (getting over his initial surprise that Carlos is calling him of all people) gently reminds him that maybe he’d best rest and think about it again with a clear head.

“Try some of that raspberry oolong Intern Stephen dropped off earlier this week,” He suggests brightly, explaining that it’s supposed to help with clarity and that the crushed beetle wings in the mixture hardly throw off the taste at all. “And remember to whisper a compliment to the water before you try to boil it- it can get fussy otherwise, you know. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve forgotten and wound up with a solid block of ice in my kettle or, worse, the kettle itself melting all over the countertop. Terrible to get out of the carpet later in that case, but as long as you’re cordial, it should boil nicely for you.”

And at first, there’s dead silence on the other end of the line, before Cecil can hear Carlos scrambling to make a note on this development, because of course he wasn’t whispering anything to the water he’d used in his experiment, and that’s probably the reason for 74% of the problems he’s come across so far.

It doesn’t take long for this to become a normal occurrence, Carlos calling in regularly with all kinds of questions and, as before, just needing to talk through something, Cecil offering advice on how to handle certain stuff, or even just talking a while about the things Carlos is working with. More often than not, this leads to some kind of revelation, because while Cecil might not understand the science behind why glass stirring rods need to be used only in a clockwise direction, he at least knows that they just do, and that’s what Carlos needs.

Eventually, this extends to the rest of the lab crew as well, because, yes, they might be Night Vale residents, but there’s a pretty large chunk of information about their town that even they are missing. With how quickly things can come up or change in their spooky little town, it can be impossible to keep track of everything on one’s own. Tentatively at first, but with growing speed, the other scientists begin asking for advice and extra help with info as well. 

Catching on to the trend, a new addition makes its way into Cecil’s radio show, where, every day, scientists can send in questions for the citizens of Night Vale, and they can respond accordingly, offering insight. If nothing else, it serves as a reminder to those listening in on the broadcast that their scientists don’t miraculously have the answers to everything, and that the downside to having the entire population of your city looking to you for those answers is sometimes not having any.

Even those who don’t have knowledge to offer find ways to help. Scientists return home, weary beyond measure from saving their friends and family from yet another disaster, only to find the lights already dimmed and welcoming, old takeout containers thrown away, and bed made. There’s a note on the table that would be eery and concerning, were it not for the sensation that there had always been a presence in their home, and, if nothing else, this only confirms one of their many hypothesises, setting another theory down to rest. Creatures (that definitely are not angels) appear in the lab every now and then, bringing with them a smiling old woman, and several Big Rico’s pizza boxes, cases of bottled water, and bundles of grapes. Nobody knows why grapes in particular. Maybe the not-angels have an affinity for them. Either way, the mandatory snack break is welcomed by many. Secret police mutter helpful tips from bushes under open windows, and, despite books being banned, once in a blue moon a torn-out page from some volume makes it’s way onto a given scientist’s lab table, curating many more questions, and causing many to reevaluate their perceptions of the harrowing librarians, the hooded figures who show no fear of them, and the public library itself.

Night Vale is a place of mystery and intrigue and danger- but it is also a place of people bonded by experience and survival. It’s a place called “home” by many, even if they do not necessarily understand it, and these are the people who save this city by supporting discovery in their own little ways. Night Vale loves its scientists, and it will do what it can to help them understand it even a little bit more.

[eerienature]

Now it's my turn🙈💚 1, 2, 8, 11, 13, 15, 20, 21, 24, 27, 30, 37, 42, 56, 57 and 59 sorry that this is late🙈💙

ayyyyyyy my guy! ❤️

1) selfie

ditto so I’ll dm you em! x

2) what would you name your future kids?:

so i’ve always liked the name layla because i really admire the beauty of a night sky but then it literally means sheep in aapni zerbaan so ye lol; i think the name marina is pretty too like the whole nature element, i liked marwa as well till my sister said it sounds like ‘marijuana’ which just ruined it for me totally lol; yusuf is a nice one, you know because of his whole story which i just find really moving and im sure i had some more prophet names which i really like but none of em spring to mind at the mo

8) have you ever cried because you were so annoyed? 

yesssss so the other day i was dress rehearsing for an interview (pray i get the job! x) and none of my smart-wear would fit so i just angry cried it out; i have bipolar as well and before i was on the right meds i’d do that daily but now i seem to be doing a lot better alhamdulilah

11) are you listening to music right now? 

astaghfirullah sister skskskk but naa i stopped listening to music about a year ago i feel like it just dragged me down might just be me but like even the uplifting stuff has melancholic vibes to it 

13) how do you feel right now?

so like i think i missed my meds this morning and at round 7pm i got this really intense agitation where my mood randomly switched within the space of like an hour and i got angry that i was angry but now that im home and talking to you i feel a lot better - I was really on one earlier on in the day when we were messaging tho bc i was like ‘OMG IVE FOUND A NEW FRENNNNN’ which is a huge positive for me!

15) personality description

aaaaaaa i could go on forever, hope you enjoy the cv! so im a really perceptive person - i have a strong insight into my own situations and mindset as well as those of others (a positive side to mental illness i think, like the whole self awareness aspect) i’ve been told im ‘compelling’ which is an incredible personality trait to have! i have a mad sense of humour, talkative, very outgoing, very extroverted and i love a good bit of banter with the right people, love meeting new people and hearing their perspectives too. I’m very intellectual, i love discussions and acquiring knowledge and anything which makes you think or reevaluate your current opinions! but ya im really proud of my identity purely bc i genuinely didnt think i’d make it past 16 (suicidal depression, self harm, mad mania, abuse, overdoses, etc) but like alhamdulilah here i am and i think its my perseverance and my relationship w god which i really admire - im really proud of who i’ve become! (but i mean theyre trying to stamp a personaity disorder diagnosis onto me so i guess i could be chatting bubbles and all this could be totally subjective *x files theme toon plays*)

20) what is your favourite song at the moment?

i mean i hear the odd bop over the radio every now n then n the ‘JUST BC ITS OVER DOESNT MEAN ITS REALLY OVER N IF I THINK IT OVER MAYBE YOU’LL BE COMING OVER AGAINNNN’ song just really seems to get me

21) age and birthday?

ahh see i feel like an old granny ting now compared to you! i’m 20 and my birthdays the 5th of april so i guess we’re both april babies!

24) height

5′2 but i dont look as short as i sound i swear lol

27) things i hate

im no longer a hateful person like even the people i hate i pray for but bidah has got to be #1 without a single doubt, aside from that its all the usual stuff such as bigots, nonces, etc

30) favourite tv shows

mostly stuff on netflix like at the moment im watching ‘sacred games’ and ive never been into the whole bollywood vibe but i swear ive been missing out like! peaky blinders is amazing and tommy is beautiful i dont care if hes my dads age, bedlam was incredible, period dramas like victoria n bbcs les mis are really good, you should check out this is england, shameless, dark and NSU: german history they are mint; i love a good documentary as well

37)  favourite actor/actress

angelina jolie i think! like i have an entire hashtag dedicated to her so ya i guess shes the one!

42) favourite books

kite runner and a thousand splendid suns (defo recommend them both yasmin esp tss - if you ever do read it give us a shout and ill send you the coursework i did for it in Alevel!)

56) favourite food

ben and jerries along with cookie dough are my absolute weaknesses but im inshlla cutting down on sugar so we’ll see if anything changes w those ones!

57) favourite animals

cats for sure! mines called marno shes now 5 alhamdulilah and she is my life n soul - i like dogs but they get over excited way to easily which startles me a bit esp as im v spaced out a lot of the time so a dog tryna hug me is like arghh wyd but i mean i admire their intentions lol that n the fact theyre najis is also bit of a problem for me (whups)

59) why i joined tumblr

so i think i came across tumblr on a random google search n i figured it’d be a good form of self expression n a good emotional outlet esp as i was in a v v bad mind-space at the time so i felt i needed something to call my own which eventually became my lil blog - but ye if you go allllllll the way back to my old reblogs its literally just those black and white depression posts and gifs which is actually really upsetting to me; like although im no longer in that place anymore tumblr continues to be a very good therapeutic outlet so im v grateful for that ❤️

and thats all! thanks for reading this far b and feel free to ask me any other questions, i enjoy answering them! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

[missjackil]

Someone is arguing Dean is not dual protagonist along with Sam and you are saying its good stuff. WOW, way to be a Dean supporter. You all preach Bibros and both brother supporters, at end of day you are just a Sam stan.

Right away, I know a couple things about you. You dont know what a stan is, nor do you understand what protagonist/antagonist means, and you dont know me. Ill start this by telling you I never lie and say I dont favor Sam, because I do. However I love Dean too and I know he is equally important to the show as Sam is. Being a lead protagonist doesnt mean te other is less important in any sense. In fact, Im sure Jared and Jensen get paid the same, and maybe Jensen gets more when he directs. You are free to go through my entire blog and try to find where at anytime I ever throw shade on Dean, because I never do. So automatically, that makes me not a Sam stan, but Ill proudly say Im a stan for the brothers. Maybe a “Bronly” is a better term for me? I dont know, Im fine with either. 

Now, I believe Sam and Dean both have equal importance to the show, I dont believe their roles are the same. Sam changes constantly, and Dean doesnt change much, This is not a bad or insulting thing for either. Sam and Dean are The Show, and like the show itself, Sam is the twists and turns and game changers, and Dean is the rock, what will never change about the show even if there are some adjustments made. The show will always be about 2 brothers who love the world and each other and will do anything to save both (Dean) but it moves and twists and blind sides us all the time too, and remains unpredictable (Sam).

From seasons 1-7 Sam was the main focus. Dean never really had a strong storyline of his own, even in S3 when it should have been focused more on trying to keep Dean out of Hell, it was more like a back burner story to chasing Bela around and MOTWs, but there was a writers strike so it probably wasnt intentional to not give Dean’s story more attention. But during 1-7 the story was mainly focused on Sam (protagonist) and Dean opposing whatever he was doing (antagonist) while both were still on the same side of wanting to do good (dual protagonists) are you following?

In S8, there was a shift. In the first half both Sam and Dean had seperate and equal storylines. They were both protag/antag to each other, while still being dual protags in the big picture. When we got to The Trials, the arc went back to being Sam’s yet, this time Dean was supporting him, so he wasnt being an antagonist, even if they argued a little sometimes. Then s9, the story was about Sam, being possessed by Gadreel, but the POV was from Dean. Very little was shown to us about what Gadreel was doing to Sam, other than he began getting very tired. It focused more on how worried Dean was that he made the wrong call and Gadreel would hurt Sam. Then we have the big bro fight, at which time theyre both being antagonistic, then the MOC which put Dean in the position of protagonist and Sam as antagonist (to each other) for a whole season and a half, all while they are both still dual protagonists in the big picture. Finally in S11, theyre not at odds with each other, theyre in full support of each other and completely dual protagonists, both in the big and little picture. This has carried on all the way till the last few episodes where Dean wanted to lock himself in a box, and Sam doesnt want him to. This makes Dean the protagonist, and Sam the antagonist... and yet theyre still dual good guys trying to do right by the world.

I think most of the problem is that y’all get defensive, as if saying the story has mainly opened up around Sam is an insult to Dean, and its not. Its just how the story is being told. Jensen isnt bitter about it, he chose to play Dean. Jared isnt a snob about it, he never puts Sam as more important than Dean. Neither would keep going without the other and they both love their roles, ther characters, and the show. So really, the problem only lies with the perception of a few viewers who think “different” means “hate” much like the problems of the world right now.