#so they will be fixed just most likely whenever the next chapter comes out

[kyistell]

I uh..I did a thing...tee-hee?

Ignore that it has been several days since I first posted it and I'm only JUST doing this, that's not important!!!

[starlostjisung]

you could call me babe for the weekend

chapter four: please don’t become a stranger

wc: 4.4k

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you had always wondered if heartbreak felt like you had always seen in the movies or read about them in books. the moment that it all hits you and there’s nothing but emptiness and sadness

the truth was that it was worse.

so much worse.

nothing in the world could have ever prepared you for the mix of feelings you would feel the moment you heard chan saying those words.

“we would never be together”

“that’s bullshit”

“never gonna happen”

sadness, shame, loneliness, fear, heartbroken. you couldn’t tell which one hurt the most.

you didn’t hear the rest of chan’s conversation with changbin. you couldn’t do it anyway. the only sound you could hear was your own heartbeat, beating so loud you thought it was the echo of the broken pieces falling into different places.

places that chan couldn’t reach.

pieces that chan couldn’t fix.

you didn’t want chan to know you had heard him, so you went back to the bathroom and closed the door. you tried to steady your breaths, but with each one, you took it was more complicated and painful. you felt like you were slipping away.

you were going back to seoul in a couple of hours so you didn’t have much time. your turned the shower on and got in, giving yourself only five minutes to cry. you only had some hours left of this trip, you promised yourself could make it. once you were alone in your apartment, you would allow yourself to feel everything.

you got out of the shower, got ready and tried to prepare yourself to face chan. you knew he would see right away that there was something wrong with you, so you had to make this quick and believable. for the both of you.

you went into the room and started packing. chan was on the balcony - no longer on the phone - and turned around as soon as he heard you.

“hey, i didn’t see you this morning”

“no, i woke up and left early. i went to a lake nearby and stayed there for a while, i do it every year”, you told him without facing him. you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. not without breaking down

he noticed that you were not your usual self - he always did - and while you avoided him, he looked for you even more.

“hey”, he got on the floor next to your suitcase, “are you okay?”

you finally looked at him and he saw your red eyes, leaving his own eyes confused and concerned.

“yes, i didn’t sleep a lot to be honest, and my allergies are acting up today, so my eyes hurt a lot and i feel a bit congested, so i should probably take my allergy medicine today”, that was the best excuse you could come up with at the moment. you tried to smile at him, but he could see that the smile did not reach your eyes.

he didn’t fully believe you, but he didn’t push it further. if he knew one thing about you was that you would always be honest with him, and if there was something that was troubling you, you would always go to him. but you would do it in your own time, when you were ready.

so he thought he would just let you be and he would be ready for whenever you needed him. he would be there for you.

little did he know that this time you couldn’t go to him.

he started to pack his own things, having an eye on you the entire time. your movements were slow and tired, your energy not reaching you the way it always did. you looked like you had the weight of the world on your shoulders. he was sure something had happened on your walk this morning.

once all of your things were packed and ready, he offered to bring everything to his car, while you stayed in the room making sure you hadn’t forgotten anything.

he was almost out the door when something in him told him to reach out to you one more time, “y/n”, he turned to look at you, “are you sure you’re fine?”

“yes, i’m fine”, you didn’t even turn around.

and with that he left.

you gave yourself five more minutes to cry.

breakfast had gone quietly. after two whole days of socialising and eating and drinking and celebrating, it seemed like everyone was ready to go home today. luckily for you, your aunt had decided to ignore your entire existence, so she didn’t even bother to look at you the entire time. it seems like something good came out of the party at least.

of course chan had noticed you throughout the entire breakfast, he had been checking on you, like he always does. he knew you wouldn’t be your usual self but he saw how there was something pulling you down stronger and deeper than before. like you were lost and were silently asking and reaching for something, but no one could help you, no one could see you. he felt useless. he felt confused. he felt like you were slipping away.

and that terrified him.

after everyone had everything ready in the cars and had said their goodbyes to the rest of the family, chan and you got in his car and got ready to finally go home.

as soon as both of your doors closed, he looked at you and saw you rubbing your temple with your eyes closed, as if doing that would make something that was bothering you go away.

“okay, you sure you have everything here? you’re not forgetting anything?”, he knew the answer to that, but he felt the need to fill this weird silence that had been going on between you two the entire day

“yes, i’m sure. we can go now”

“okay”, he started the car and left the cabin

the ride was quiet, none of you talked during the first 10 minutes.

him because he didn’t know what to say. you because you didn’t trust yourself enough to talk without breaking down. and you didn’t want to do that in front of chan.

you were gripping the hem of you dress so tight your knuckles were turning white. he was aware of every single move you did.

chan was stealing glances at you. you could see him when he thought you weren’t looking.

something was ticking and it was going to explode if none of you did anything.

you couldn’t take it anymore, “i’m going to try and sleep for a bit, if you don’t mind. i didn’t get much sleep today and my head hurts a little bit”

“yeah, sure, of course. don’t worry, i will just wake you up when we arrive”, he cleared his throat to try to make it seem like he really was okay with it. he just wanted to fix whatever was making you behave this way, this wasn’t like you at all. he needed to fix whatever was taking you away from him.

“you sure?”, you didn’t feel strong enough to talk with him right now, but you also didn’t want him to be left alone during the drive

“yes, just try and sleep for a bit, y/n”, he looked at you for a moment. his eyes were dark, unreadable for most people. but not for you. you could see the sadness in them. the confusion. the fact that they were like this was making you even more sick.

that’s why you closed your eyes and pretended to sleep for the rest of the trip. but you didn’t sleep, not for one bit. and he knew it.

you couldn’t fool anyone, let alone chan.

you arrived to your apartment sooner that you had thought. while you appreciated the fact that you wouldn’t have to be more time with chan in his car, this couldn’t be further from the real you. driving with chan in his car was one of your favourite things in the world. whenever you both had free time, you would go and drive while singing and talking and just laughing with each other. just spending time together, with the windows rolled down and not a care in the world. like nothing else mattered. like you were the only thing that was important.

how different was that drive today.

chan stopped his car in front of your building and got out of the car to help you with your things.

“y/n let me take this”, he told you while trying to take your suitcase from you

“no chris, it’s okay i can do it”, you pulled it towards you a bit, trying to take it from chan’s grip and create more distance between you both

“no let me help you, it’s okay, i don’t mind going to your apartment to leave them there”, he tried again

“chris, no, it’s fine”, something in your tone made him stop and look at you. he saw something that he could not quite recognise, he had never seen that look on your face.

you broke the eye contact and let out a long sigh, “thank you so much for helping me these days, chris, i really appreciate it”, you told him honestly, “now go home and rest, it’s been a long weekend”, you looked at him again with what you were sure was a look of defeat.

he didn’t know what to say. he couldn’t even open his mouth. the only thing he could do was look at you.

something inside him was screaming at him. telling him to not go, to not leave you alone. because if he did, the tightrope that had broken the day before, would not be able to be fixed anymore.

so he hugged you. he held you in his arms like it was the last thing he was going to do. in a way, it felt like that.

he felt you doubting at the beginning. how confused you were. how you had not expected him to hug you. how you didn’t know how to respond to the hug. your hands were just in the air, unsure of where to hug him, even wondering if you should hug him in the first place.

he hugged you tighter, showing no signs of stopping. encouraging you to hold on to him and never let him go. praying to whatever was up there that you would return the hug, that you were still holding the tightrope with him.

you hugged him back. stronger than you had ever hugged him. he let out a sigh of relief, thinking that this meant that you would go to him when you felt ready and explain whatever was going on with you today. but he kept thinking that you two were okay, that you were still the same people from three days before, just before this trip started.

he didn’t know that the reason you had hugged him back was because you thought this would be the last time you would have this opportunity. your last chance of having him this close to you. the last time of being with your friend chan, just you two.

you felt the distance growing impossibly stronger. the tightrope was almost on its breaking point.

as soon as you closed your apartment’s door, you let your things on the living room and you slid down a wall crying. you let all out. everything that you had bottled up inside

you sobbed uncontrollably, you grabbed your hair trying to find something to grab you to reality, because you felt like you were drifting away.

you couldn’t comprehend what had happened in the last 24 hours. what had gone wrong. how you had ended up there.

you gasped for air, feeling like the walls were closing in on you. you were suffocating.

how could you move on from this? you didn’t know

it was one thing to think that chan would never see you the way that you saw him, that he didn’t return your feelings. you had already lived with that for a long time.

but hearing him saying that you two would never be together? saying that while sounding so sure of himself? as if there was zero possibility of that happening? that broke you in ways you didn’t know were possible.

you wished you could go back to one week ago before any of this happened. you would go back to your aunt’s snarky comments a million times. to them believing you weren’t able to have a relationship. that you would always be alone.

you would take everything back just so you would never lose chan.

but you couldn’t do that now.

you lost the game of chance. what were the chances?

the days passed slowly and dreadfully. you went to work and then went back home. that’s all you did. you weren’t living, just existing.

you were consumed and controlled by your feelings, the first one being sadness. you would just walk in circles in your apartment like you were lost, letting your mind run wild. you were haunted by all of the what ifs.

what would have happened if you had never asked him to go with you?

what would have happened if you had kissed in the cellar?

what would have happened if you had talked about it that night?

would any of this be different?

you wanted to forget. you couldn’t deal with the memories of those days. you wanted to unrecall how you could have had it all.

unknowingly, he had painted heaven for you that weekend, but you had gone to hell.

as the days passed, the sadness was slowly replaced by anger.

why did you do that?

why did you go to that stupid trip?

why did you take chan with you?

why did he agree to go with you?

why did he treat you like you were really his girlfriend and not just some pretend?

why did he almost kiss you?

why did he not speak about it afterwards?

why did felix encourage you to confess?

you were not angry at any of them, especially not chan, but you were beside yourself. you couldn’t deal with the blame on your own. with all the pain.

you just wanted to forget. you needed to forget.

all of the memories you had together were like holograms stumbling in your apartment. laughing at you, at what you had lost. because you knew nothing would ever be the same.

and you were terrified of that. you couldn’t live in a world where you didn’t have chan.

he had been checking on you the whole week. felix had too.

you would reply to his texts, but he could feel something was seriously wrong. you would reply with short answers and take a long time to do it. you didn’t start the conversations. you didn’t reach out for him. you wouldn’t check on him or ask if you could drop by the studio. you didn’t ask him if he was eating or sleeping. you wouldn’t send him you silly tiktok videos. he thought he didn’t exist for you, which couldn’t be further from the truth.

you knew you were hurting chan, but you were hurting too and you didn’t know how to deal with all of that.

this was your fault. you had messed everything up. there was no one else to blame but you.

he sent another message. he kept it short and simple.

“are we okay?”

your world shattered.

it was the next saturday when it all happened. you had spent the whole day cleaning your apartment, doing your laundry, going through emails from work. chores to keep your mind occupied. if there was something that would take your mind off chan, you would take it. even if it only lasted 10 minutes. at this point chan and you, your friendship, had started to feel like embroidered memories of a past time. a time that you were sure you would never get back nor have new memories to stitch to them.

you would do anything to get even a glimpse of all that again. you hoped that everything was still alive, killing time somewhere. that it wasn’t completely buried.

chan had become a part of you from the moment you two first met all those years ago. this week that part had been replaced by a hole, by the emptiness of him, something you weren’t used to.

never before and ever since.

he had promised you he would always be there for you. you had promised him you would never leave.

never mind.

your friendship, all your moments together. you felt like they had been engulfed in fire.

you had lost them. you had pushed your luck, and it showed.

it was almost dinner time when you heard the door. someone was knocking.

you weren’t expecting anyone, so you didn’t open at first. you couldn’t find the strength to go from your couch to the door.

but whoever it was kept knocking. they were insistent. you finally got up and opened the door.

it was chan.

“chris? what are you doing here?”

his eyes were bloodshot. he looked like he hadn’t slept in days, like he was ready to collapse.

“y/n, we need to talk”

he didn’t give you time to answer, he let himself in. you closed the door behind him and breathed in and out. deeply. you were not ready for this. you had been avoiding this conversation because, as much as you knew it was necessary, you also knew it would mean the ending of your friendship. the ending of chan and you.

you hadn’t thought that would happen today. you weren’t ready for today to be the last time you ever saw chan. you could feel yourself starting to panic.

you went to your living room and saw him walking in circles. not knowing where to start.

you saw his trembling hands, his unsteady breaths.

you braced yourself for whatever was about to happen. you closed your eyes, inhaled again and-

“what’s going on y/n?”

you opened your eyes and saw him looking at you. the look on his face would have broken your soul if it hadn’t been broken already.

“noth-“

“don’t you dare say nothing’s wrong y/n, because i’m not fucking buying it, not today, not after this week”, you could see how angry he was, he was desperate

you couldn’t blame him, you hadn’t dealt with all this in the best way. and he had been in the receiving end. add this to the list of things you would regret for life.

you could see how fast he was breathing now. how he was as scared as you about what was going to happen. him standing there like that pierced new holes in your heart, something you didn’t know it was even possible at this point.

“it’s been a long week chris, i’m sorry i didn’t reach out”, you tried

“no, y/n, there’s more than that, what is going on?”

you couldn’t say anything. it was like your mouth wouldn’t cooperate with you. “i love you”, that’s what you wanted to scream. but you knew he wouldn’t return your feelings, so there was no point in telling him. so what could you possibly tell him?

“you have been like this ever since we left the cabin last weekend. since you went out that morning and went back. you have been distant, keeping me away from you and i want to know why, y/n, because this whole week i’ve been going insane, replaying every single moment of the trip in my mind, trying to see if i had done something to you, if something had happened to you and i didn’t notice. but nothing. i can’t think of anything. so please, i’m begging you. what is going on y/n?”

that was it. you couldn’t keep it from him any longer. you didn’t have the energy to do it either.

“i heard you and changbin”, you finally told him

he felt the air leaving his lungs. the colour drained from his face.

it hit him. the call.

you had heard him. how much had you heard? he wasn’t sure.

“y/n i-“

“i didn’t mean to eavesdrop, i really didn’t. but i was getting ready to take a shower, and i heard you talking and you seemed serious so i thought something had happened so i went to ask but i heard you”, you looked to the floor, you couldn’t face him. you could feel your eyes starting to water, but you tried to hold it together as long as you could.

he didn’t answer. he didn’t know what to say. he felt his world crashing down. he didn’t know what he had expected from your conversation, but never in a million years would he have thought it would be this.

“i heard you saying that the whole trip was a bad idea and that you shouldn’t have agreed to come with me and that you regretted it, which it’s fair, i don’t blame you. i’m really sorry that i made you go through all that. i never intended for you to have to go through something you would later regret”

he wanted to stop you there. to tell you that he didn’t regret going there with you. that he would never regret anything that involved you.

but the words wouldn’t leave his mouth. he tried to say them. to scream them. but they were just left in a hole inside him.

you were breaking in front of him and he couldn’t do anything. he was just watching it happen.

this seemed like his worst nightmare.

“then you said something like we couldn’t honestly be together, that that couldn’t happen or something like that”, he saw you smile sadly, while your tears started to fall freely from your face.

he wanted to reach out to you and just wipe them away and hold you in his arms and never let you go. but it seemed like the distance between you two was impossible to cross.

“i get why you said that, i really do, because friends are not supposed to have feelings for each other, right?”, you looked at him, with sad eyes and still the same sad smile, “but it still hurt to hear that. to hear you saying that.”, you let out a sigh, “you know how i’ve always felt misunderstood and not enough for anybody. but that had never happened with you. with you, chris, i’ve always felt enough, like i deserved everything that i had. my friends. my job. my happiness. like i was worthy of everything in my life. like i was worthy of love. but hearing you saying, so sure of yourself, that people wouldn’t believe that we were together because that simply couldn’t be real made me doubt everything. it made me believe what everyone else had always said. that i am not enough and will never be. that i don’t deserve all these things”, you laughed sadly while more tears fell down your face.

you looked away from him and used your hands to wipe your tears, “i had never felt that way with you chris”, you looked at him again, having lost your smile this time, “but hearing you saying that made me doubt everything about us”

chan had to grab whatever was closest to him because he could feel himself collapsing. he had caused this. your world had torn apart, and he was the one to blame.

“y/n, please…”, he tried to reach for you, but you stepped back, ”please listen to me. i didn’t mean any of that, that wasn’t what i was trying to say”

you choked on your tears, a sad laugh left your mouth again, “chris don’t lie to me”

he shook his head, “no no, listen i’m not lying to you, i promise you”

“chris i fucking heard you”, you snapped at him, something you had never done before. he couldn’t recognise you, the y/n that was broken in front of him wasn’t his y/n, the one he had vowed to protect and never let anything or anyone hurt her. he had failed his own promise. and he had been the one to hurt you.

you choked on another sad laugh, “i heard you saying that us together was bullshit. not ridiculous or absurd. complete bullshit, chris, and that it would never happen”

the only thing he could do at this point was look at you, with tears on his own eyes, threatening to fall any moment now.

“the way that you said it, no doubt in your voice, so sure of yourself, made me wonder. what else is bullshit chris?

“wh-what do you mean?”, he started to hyperventilate, he felt like he was losing you completely. he had to do something and he had to do it now

“is our friendship bullshit too chris?”

“what? no no no no, why would you even say that?”, he couldn’t believe you would even ask that

“because you said it chris! that us together is bullshit! we can’t be together, it’s not believable or whatever you want to say. so if a relationship is bullshit, why wouldn’t the friendship be bullshit as well huh?”, you didn’t even know what you were saying at this point. did you mean this? no, but you had kept everything quiet for so long you didn’t even know how to go back anymore.

there was no going back from this.

he was just standing there, looking at you, like he couldn’t even recognise you.

you couldn’t recognise him either.

you looked at him, with more tears falling down your eyes this time.

“am i bullshit too, chris?”, you were not ready for his answer

“don’t. don’t you ever say that again. you fucking know that’s not what i meant. i didn’t mean anything of what i said”, he was getting angry now, he needed to fix this before it was all too late but he didn’t know how to do it. but he couldn’t lose you. not today, not ever. especially not because of this.

“then what did you mean chris? why did you even say all that if you didn’t mean it that way?”

and finally, he snapped.

“i said all that because i know you don’t love me the way that i love you”

everything stopped.

you gasped.

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chapter four is finally out!!!! aaaaaaaa i can’t believe we only have one more chapter left 😭 please don’t hate me too much for this one 🫣

thank you sooooooo much for all the love for this series, it really means a lot to me that you like this story as much as i do 🩷 see you in the final part my loves 💛

my other fics

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you could call me babe for the weekend taglist: @beyunjinnn @emmiesoverthemoon @skzbiasot8 @havennz @hyunjinxxs @reetheratt @heartwithoutaname @ahseyy @hyvneluv @domicaru @annyeongffs @necrozica @lavunyan @0x1lovesong1 @leylaasroom @bluesungology @sleepyzeiff @velvetmoonlght @encoredesires @sammhisphere @we-are-bloody-inspired @straykids4lifeee @xxestxays @4ng3l-ch1ld @geni-627 @how-are-you-not-fine @luvbangchan @btch8008s @the-life-of-stella @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx @strsforjsb @n3ha @idiotmaterial @skinnyjeans-tanktops @wolfhallows4 @lyftyyy @infinite-lucid-daydreams @artfairyyyyy @sofix-hc7 @sunflwerstar @lomllino @alifeinthelifeof @sayuri122014 @changbinshearteubeateu @aniski @iamlazychip

[pome-seed]

The Soldier's Keeper ★ 23

Pairing: Winter Soldier!Bucky x Doctor!Reader

Summary: Recovery meant many things. It meant valuing and noticing your body more. And his too.

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: Gunshot wounds. Mention of stitches. Bucky being huge. Beefy Bucky. (Can you tell he's my favorite?) But of a fluffy fun one.

Authors Note: Please comment, I love interacting with you guys! Be kind! ALSO, if you want to be apart of the taglist, let me know :)

Series Masterlist Next Chapter

“H.” Bucky guessed. 

You drew an arm on the slowly growing stick figure, then marked an H. The man huffed, squinting at the broken word. You were playing the overly complicated game of hangman. So far, all Bucky had gotten was _a_ _ a. 

“Panda?” He guessed. 

“Nope.” You smiled, shifting the small white board into your lap. 

“B.”

You marked another arm on the body.

“Jesus, O.”

“Nope,” you marked another limb. 

“S.”

“Ah, there you go.” You smiled, marking the letter over its dash. “You’re getting close.”

“_ a s _ a?” He squinted at the board again, trying to think of what you could have written down. “I don’t know.”

“Oh come on, are you seriously giving up?” 

He rolled his eyes at you. “T.”

“You’re just guessing now,” you shook your head, marking down another letter.

“That's the point of the game, Y/n.”

“Educated guessing, Bucky.”

He rolled his eyes again. “L.” He guessed.

You marked off the final limb. “Aaand you're dead.” You clicked your tongue, then finally filled out the word.

“Nașpa?” He scoffed. “Low quality? You didn’t say we were doing Romanian words.” It was a word he’d taught you months ago when sifting through fruit in the market.

“You can be such a sore loser, you know?” You chuckled, wiping off the board. 

“Sore loser?” He blanched at you.

“If the shoe fits.” You teased.

“You’re more familiar with all the games we play, it's not exactly fair.”

“Okay, you can pick something out next time, if it will make you quit your pouting.”

“Pouting?” He huffed, raising a brow at you. 

“If the shoe fits,” you repeated. Bucky tossed the eraser at you. You dodged it, then packed up the tiny game collection, giggling quietly. 

“Pouting. I’m not a kid.” He pouted. 

“I know, you’re ancient.”

He glared at you softly. “Weren’t you the one saying I’m only technically thirty something?”

You shrugged. “Yeah, but I can flip that coin whenever I want, if it will get a rise out of you.”

“Then I can flip the kid coin on you.”

“Hey,” you scoffed. “I’m not a kid, technically, or in perspective.”

“What year were you born?” Bucky asked you, tilting his head. 

“I think that answer would pain you more than me.” You said, snickering as his face scrunched up when you told him the year. 

“Jesus, I’m like ninety years older than you.”

“Well, yes.” You laughed, wobbling to your feet to set the game supplies on the counter. 

You were slowly getting better at walking, but Bucky still had to carry you up and down the stairs whenever you wanted to leave the house. You still had a noticeable limp, and you were starting to believe that that may never change. You didn’t exactly have a renowned surgeon to fix you up.

Bucky still treated you like glass, which only sometimes offended you. Most of the time, you guiltily enjoyed it. You were thankful for all his help. you were thankful for the way he never questioned or hesitated to carry you up the stairs, or out of bed. He never flinched when you grabbed his arm for stability after a long bout of walking, your leg growing tired.

He was always there for you.

“Bucky?” You poked your head out of the bathroom at the sound of glass shattering. Your initial panic was washed away as you found him sweeping up the remnants of a glass. 

“It slipped, everything’s okay.” He muttered, his voice soft.

“Slipped? Off the counter?” You asked, stepping out of the bathroom, your towel tugged tight around your body.

The pair of you weren’t foreign to the sight of each other in less than fully clothed circumstances, but you still felt a bit exposed as you stepped out. You would have just retreated back into the bathroom, but the look on Bucky’s face told you not to.

“From my hand.”

“That doesn’t usually happen, does it?” You asked, padding slowly over to him. You stayed a close distance from the broken glass though. 

He shook his head. “No- well, sometimes, but not often.” He muttered. 

“Come here,” you said, holding a hand out to him after he finished sweeping the glass into the bin. 

He glanced back at you, his gaze impulsively flickering to your towel. You were a bit embarrassed, having not stood before him like that before, but your mind was already in doctor mode.

He set his hand in yours, the size difference almost laughable. You turned his hand palm up, then started feeling up his wrist. “Have you been having any muscle weakness? Grip strength problems?” You asked, continuing to feel and press into his pressure points. His fingers kicked whenever you tapped a nerve. Good sign.

“No,” he answered quietly, glancing away after noticing a drop of water sliding down your neck. 

“You said this happens sometimes, did you mean recently?” You asked, moving your touch up his forearm. 

“Mhm,” he answered.

“Is it just your hands?”

“Mhm.”

“Okay,” you sighed, releasing his arm. “But it’s not like you’re trying to grip something and your hand just doesn’t do it, right?” You looked up at him.

He shook his head. “No, just when I get distracted.” 

You sighed, smiling softly. “Okay, good. I was worried it was the serum.” You shook your head, turning back to the bathroom. “When I’m done we should do another full body test, just to be sure. It’s been a while.”

Bucky nodded in response even though you couldn’t see it.

You gently shut the bathroom door behind you and loosened your towel to begin drying off. You felt a bit embarrassed, but in all reality, you knew he’d seen far more of your body in the past. Still, your cheeks were dusted a soft pink when you emerged from the bathroom again.

Some mornings, just as the sun was rising over the horizon, you woke to the sounds of grunting, followed by the humming of metal. You were familiar with it, by then, but in no way used to it. 

You turned under your covers to peek up at Bucky.

He was shirtless, his metal arm curved behind his back as he slowly counted his pushups. He often switched between the simplest of workouts. Pushups, sit ups, burpees, and simple stretching. Bucky had a lot of pent up energy, and a very large body to take care of. 

Working out was less of something he wanted to do, and more of something he needed to do.

You watched him, covers pulled up to your nose. You didn’t know if you were pretending to sleep or not, but you felt awfully embarrassed for staring. Yet you just couldn’t help it. You would mask it by saying it was envy, missing being able to move your body so much without rippling pain.

But really, you were just fascinated by him.

Bucky was incredibly fit. It was a fact. His body mass was mostly muscle, and a metal arm. He was toned and lean, but also incredibly thick. He was simply a beefy man.

And you didn’t often get to see him shirtless. Not like this.

He breathed slowly through his nose, sweat collecting on his chest and scalp as he moved to balance on his one flesh arm, his whole body steady in the air. His stomach flexed, his core working to keep himself balanced. 

His tan skin glistened with a light sheen. His sweats hung low on his hips- only sagging a little further upwards while he suspended his body in the air. 

He was so impossibly strong, and he made it look so easy. 

Though the scars that marred his flesh told a different story. 

With all there was of Bucky to look at, you couldn’t help your gaze being drawn to the reddened scar where flesh met metal. It was so striking to the eye. Jagged and sharp, splintering out along his armpit. 

You remembered the feeling of it under your fingertips when he let you touch it for the first time.

Bucky slowly lowered himself back to stand, then stretched his arms over his head. You stared. You watched his pants sag a little lower on his hips, the waistband of his underwear peeking out. Your gaze traveled up his hip bones, to his chest as it rose and fell with deep breaths. 

He was moving, filling a glass with water from the sink. His lower back had dimples, you realized. You felt bad for staring again. But he’d seen basically all of you, so it was only fair.

You knew it was wrong though, because when he turned around your eyes squeezed shut, playing asleep. Bucky quietly walked past the mattress. The bathroom door clicked shut. 

You let out a sigh of relief, praying he hadn’t caught your awkward staring. Except he had. He noticed, it was hard not to, with his senses. He felt uncomfortable under your gaze, insecure and slightly more worked up. But he knew you would be more embarrassed if you knew he saw, so he said nothing. 

When he exited the bathroom, clothed and clean, you were practicing your stretches and mobility exercises. “How do you feel?” He asked you, shaking out his long hair. 

You huffed, lowering yourself onto the crappy chair you had in the kitchen. “Weak.”

“Let me see,” he muttered, kneeling before you. Long wet dark hair hung in his eyes. You rolled up your pajama pant leg up to your thigh. Bucky slipped his metal hand under your knee to help adjust you as needed. He had taken your stitches out days ago, and the pink skin was weaving together nicely. But that was only on the surface. The inside was the problem. “Does it still hurt when you walk?”

You nodded. “Yeah, but it's not as sharp as it used to be.”

“Mm,” he grunted, turning your thigh slightly. He pressed along your outer leg. “Does it hurt to touch?”

“No,” you shook your head, watching his fingers drag along your skin.

He slowly rolled your pants back down. “And your side?” You tugged your shirt up and adjusted your position a little. The wound on your side was healing much faster. You were lucky with that one. The bullet skimmed right past any organs, and pierced through only minor muscles. 

Bucky thumbed over the puffy pink scar, then withdrew. “It looks like it’s all healing fine.” He muttered. 

“The bullet probably tore up more than we thought. I’ll be fine. I just won’t be much good at running, next time.” You muttered, using Bucky’s help to stand. 

“Next time we’ll be more prepared.”

“If only we didn’t have to worry about a next time.” You smiled, hopping around Bucky to sit back on the bed. “We should get those walkie-talkies though,” you offered. “A radio is a good idea.”

“I’ll look for some tomorrow.” He turned, pulling the chair up to the bed to sit with you. 

“Can I join you?” You asked, tilting your head.

The corners of his lips curled up softly. “Yeah.”

“Good.”

A/N: This episode was a little more soft and silly than others. I hope you guys liked it. I love beefy Bucky. Also I saw a fanart of Bucky doing a one armed hand stand pushup and it changed my life.

@rafesgurl @pleasecallmeunhinged @jason-todd-fangirl-14 @frog-fans-unite @lonelyghosts-stuff @cherryandsugar @a-world-with-pure-imagination @unicornqueen05 @cupids-mf-arrow @sharkylalala @littlesuniee @meineguete @hawkinsavclub1983 @theconsultingdoctor10 @dollface-xoxo @bloodmocha @natalia42069 @nicolebarnes @fallen-w1ngs

[hellothereobiwankenobi]

yellow ribbon on the door | chapter four

⟢ summary: Joel keeps finding excuses to see you.

⟢ pairing: joel miller x afab!reader (femme but not descriptive as to actual features)

⟢ tags: no outbreak au, flower shop au, idiots in love, small age gap, joel is 35 and reader is 29 about to be 30, reader is a war widow, operation desert storm mentioned, reader is a single mother to ellie, eventual smut, no beta reader we die like men

⟢ wc: 5.5k

⟢ authors notes: Hello, friends! It's been almost two weeks since my last update. I'm so sorry for that. I am a university student, so very regularly real life gets too busy for me to write. Very inconsiderate of the my professors to give me so much homework and distract me from my real passion if you ask me. I hope you all enjoy this chapter.

Also this is the longest chapter I have written yet... so enjoy!

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This afternoon marks the third time Joel has arrived unannounced at your flower store in the past three weeks. He explained that the last time he was here, he noticed one of your display tables had a wobble. That's all he said before setting his tools down, kneeling next to the faulty table leg, and getting to work. He worked in relative silence, allowing you to continue your daily duties undisturbed. Once he had evened out the legs and ensured they were secure, he gave you a curt goodbye and left without saying anything else. Two days later, he came again. This time, it was your front door. He stated the hinges were squeaky and needed to be oiled. The following week, he returned again. The faucet of the utility sink in your back storage room, where you wash used planter pots and fill your watering can, would drip even when turned off fully. It started to seem every time he came, he noticed something else that needed to be fixed.

Joel's surprise visits had become a semiweekly tradition. Despite the rocky past shared between you, having him there starts to feel normal. The two of you fall into a comfortable rhythm like this. He would work on the myriad of repairs as you helped customers, fulfilled orders, or completed regular housekeeping around the shop, sneaking glances at each other whenever the other was distracted. 

With each visit, you see glimpses of the man Tommy described to you all those months ago—a quiet, stoic facade but protective and dependable.

One morning, he arrives before the store is open. You're on the front sidewalk, eyes closed, face scrunched, and both hands clutching a large bag of potting soil. At least nine matching bags are stacked outside the shop next to you.

You give up, drop the bag you're trying to drag inside, and wipe the sweat starting to accumulate at your temples. You don't know how to get them inside, but your current efforts are not working.

Joel jumps out of his truck and jogs over to where you are standing.

"Oh, good morning, Joel." Your breath comes out in huffs, the exertion apparent from your shaky voice. You gesture down at the bags of soil giving you so much trouble. "The delivery guy usually brings them in for me, but they were just sitting there when I got here."

Without saying anything, Joel tosses one bag over his left shoulder and tucks another under his right arm. He carries each bag of potting soil to the back storage as you stand in shock, wondering how strong could he really be?

· · · ──────── ⋆˚ ✿ ❀ ✿ ˚⋆ ─────── · · ·

It's mid-August, and Joel is adding extra supports to the ceiling to hold the crystal chandelier that illuminates the front showroom. His brows pull together as he takes the final support screw from between his teeth and inserts it into the ceiling with an electric drill. 

You're arranging baby pink alstroemeria and white carnations in a red-tinted vase at the front counter. A soft, unconscious smile pulls at your lips as you preen the bouquet before you. This is the kind of moment Joel likes the most. The kind that makes all his labors around the shop worth the effort. It's only the two of you. The store is quiet, apart from the same poppy tune you've been humming all morning. He can ignore all the world's demands outside and enjoy the peace that being with you like this brings.

"What's your favorite?" Joel's voice pulls you from your reverie. 

Your head jerks up, eyes wide in surprise. "I'm sorry, what?"

"What's your favorite flower?" He repeats.

It was a simple question, but you're taken aback. You aren't used to Joel asking you about yourself. Truthfully, you aren't used to him asking you anything.

You try to collect your thoughts. "Well, I like sunflowers. Primrose begonia. Mecardonia. Black-eyed Susan. Creeping Zinnia" 

A sudden wave of self-awareness washes over you. You feel a bit silly, rattling off half a dozen names. You let out a nervous laugh while your cheeks begin to warm. Adding in a rush, "Anything yellow. It's my favorite color."

If Joel notices your onset discomfort, he doesn't let it show. He returns his attention to screwing in the last support. 

· · · ──────── ⋆˚ ✿ ❀ ✿ ˚⋆ ─────── · · ·

Joel completes his efforts regarding the chandelier and makes a final trip from the shop to his work truck to return his tools. You want to catch him before he can make his usual silent goodbye. Tugging at the apron strings tied behind your back, you pull your head through the neck-straps, hanging it on a hook by the register. "Think I'll close up for an hour and grab something for lunch."

Joel turns around sharply at the sound of your voice, his dark eyes immediately finding you. He's just staring at you, so you continue, "Would you like to come with me?" 

The gears in his head start to work overtime. You want to get lunch. 

With him. 

Over the past several weeks, the two of you have spent countless hours together. You've seen each other more regularly than ever before. The idea of getting lunch together shouldn't fluster him like this… but it does.

You are still waiting for a reply.

Shit. Shit, say something, he mentally scolds himself.

"Yes." Is all he can force out.

You didn't realize it, but you had been holding your breath, waiting for his answer. The last time you presented him with a similar offer, he had blatantly shut it down. You crack a slight smile that develops into the kind that makes the corners of your eyes crinkle. "Okay, let me lock up real quick."

Joel brings the last of his tools to his truck and waits outside for you. You carry a camel-colored leather tote under one arm and meet him outside. Flipping a small sign that reads 'Be Back Soon' you lock the front door before dropping the keys into your purse.

"We can walk from here. One of the perks of being downtown." You lead the way to a coffee shop just around the block. It's the type of trendy business that has been popping up throughout the downtown district for the last several years. Joel would never go somewhere like this on his own. The crowds that frequent these places were a little too clean cut for his liking and don't typically mix with working-class folk like him.

The two of you enter and join the line to order. The café's interior is decorated in warm earth tones and natural wood.

"They have the best bagel sandwiches here." You look up at Joel with bright eyes and a broad smile, making his stomach flip. Giddy excitement is painted across your face. How could he think of food when you're looking at him like that?

Stepping up to the counter, you ask, "Can I get a medium iced caramel latte with extra drizzle and a toasted turkey bagel sandwich cut in half, please?"

The college-age barista behind the counter scribbles down your order on a palm-sized notepad before turning his attention to Joel. "And you, sir?"

Joel is still looking down at you, but his gaze is fixated on your bare upper arm. The short puff sleeves of your orange and white gingham linen dress left most of your arms on display. He imagines reaching out, just a few inches, and brushing his knuckles down the exposed skin—feeling how soft you are.

"Sir?" the barista repeats, louder this time.

This finally pulls Joel's attention back to the café. But his mind has been too preoccupied; he hasn't given any thought to what he wants to order. 

"Black coffee." He hurries out.

The barista looks a bit confused but writes it down on the notepad.

"You don't want anything to eat?" Your gaze is directed to Joel, concern swimming in your eyes.

He shakes his head. "I'll be fine."

"Hmm," you're not convinced, but you choose not to push the issue. Opening your purse, you dig through the mess, looking for your wallet. The medium-sized bag seems bottomless, filled with old receipts, a pack of baby wipes, ChapStick, a travel-size bottle of sunscreen, a used tissue or two, and an astronaut LEGO figure you're sure Ellie dropped in there.

When you finally find it, Joel is already pulling a crumpled twenty-dollar bill from his own. He reaches around you and slides it across the counter to the barista. 

"Why did you do that?" you ask, shooting him a disapproving look. "I invited you. You need to finally let me thank you for all your help."

Maybe it was his southern upbringing but Joel could never imagine letting a lady pay for their date. 

Not that this is a date, he thinks to himself.

"I'll get it next time." You huff before marching off to find a table.

The two of you settle on a two-person table next to the front windows of the café, but the gravity of the situation quickly makes itself known. Sitting across from each other like this feels more intimate than it should.

Silence falls between you, both waiting for the other to break it first. You keep a small, practiced smile on your face, but hidden under the table, your fidgeting fingers betray you. Joel nervously bounces his knee, his posture too straight, and his usual stony expression occupies his face.

"So," you can’t take the silence anymore and ask, "Is Sarah ready for the first day of school next week?" hoping to ease the growing tension.

The butterflies raising havoc in Joel's stomach cease at the mention of Sara. Like all proud fathers, his favorite subject is his daughter. His expression softens, and his shoulders relax. "Yeah, first day of high school. Makes me feel old."

"I understand what you mean." You let out a small laugh. "Ellie's starting first grade. She's so excited to leave kindergarten and start 'big girl school.'"

Joel nods, and a small smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth. The memory of Sarah in the same scenario comes to mind: "I reckon I was more scared than Sarah was for her first day. I walk her up to the classroom. As soon as she sees they have a rabbit for a class pet, she runs for it. Didn't look back once."

The atmosphere lightens as you discuss how nervous Ellie's transition to elementary school is making you. Deep down, Ellie is a sweet girl. She loves animals, likes to play with the younger kids she meets during trips to the park, and is fascinated by all things outer space. But you're also aware that she is a handful at the best of times.

The barista arrives at the table, holding your food and drinks on a black serving tray. He lays your respective drinks down and places a white ceramic plate in front of you before wishing you both a good meal. 

Looking over at Joel's lonely mug of black coffee, you place half of the bagel sandwich on a paper napkin and slide it across the table. As he opens his mouth to object, you shoot him one of those mom looks that reads, 'Don't even try to argue.' His mouth snaps shut, knowing this isn't a fight he will win.

You pick up the other half of the sandwich from the plate with both hands and take a bite. It's just as good as you remember. Washing it down with a sip of your latte, you wrap your lips around the straw. Joel becomes distracted by the seemingly innocent action as he watches your mouth carefully. Absent-mindedly, your tongue runs over your plush lips after removing the straw from between them. His mind drifts again, imagining what else he'd like to see your lips wrapped around.

Before you can catch him staring, Joel clears his throat and pushes those thoughts away. "Why a flower store?"

"There's no better gift than a bouquet of your favorite flowers." You set down your sandwich and wipe your hands on a napkin. "When I was a kid, my dad would come home from work and surprise my mom with flowers' just because'. I'll never forget the look on her face every time he did. Thought maybe I could be a part of that for someone else."

You take another drink before continuing, "And I've been digging in the garden for as long as I can remember. I never went to college, so plants are the only thing I really know."

Joel can understand that. He had been working his trade since he was fourteen. His father would dictate that he accompany him to different work sites during school breaks. His dad had insisted it would 'help him become a man,' but Joel knew the real reason was the family could use the money. After high school graduation, college seemed like a distant fantasy for him. He was a decent student, but the family's financial situation hadn't improved over the years. Joel knew his younger brother would have to take his place with their father if he had left. Tommy was only twelve at the time.

Eventually, Tommy finished his education and joined the Army. Joel stayed home and worked as an independent carpenter until he finished his enlistment. That's when the two brothers agreed to start Miller Brothers Contracting.

"Just before I lost my husband, I realized I didn't have a life outside of being a mom and an Army wife. So, when the life insurance money came, I put half away for Ellie's college fund. The rest I used to help open the shop."

Joel sipped his coffee as you spoke. He is sure that life must have been lonely. He knows firsthand what it's like to raise a daughter alone.

"You're not from here. Why stay in Austin?" Joel can't stop himself now. He's gotten a small look at who you really are and wants to see it all.

You squirm in your seat momentarily while thinking of an answer, and Joel wonders if he has overstepped.

"My hometown," you look down at your drink and stir the glass with the straw, apprehensive to continue, "isn't the type of place with a lot of opportunities. All the guys I grew up with joined the military, and all the girls got married right after graduation and started having babies. It's just not the kind of life I want for Ellie. I want her to have every opportunity I never had."

Joel can only nod his head. Your dejected look pulls hard on his heart, making it ache.

Without thinking, he blurts out, "Tommy's comin' over for dinner this weekend. You and Ellie should come on by."

"Really?" Your eyes jump from your coffee to the man sitting across from you. The beaming smile you give him melts away the aching in his chest. "That would be great!"

"Five o'clock, Saturday," Joel says before checking the time on his phone. "I gotta go. But, yeah, Saturday." He stands from his seat.

He exits the café, phone still in hand, and dials Tommy's number. 

"Tommy," he speaks into the receiver, "I need you to come over Saturday."

· · · ──────── ⋆˚ ✿ ❀ ✿ ˚⋆ ─────── · · ·

Standing on Joel's front porch, holding a bottle of expensive French wine that you can't pronounce the name of, you take a deep breath before knocking on the front door. Just before 5:00 PM, you and Ellie pull into his driveway.

This is just like the other times you've been here. It's nothing new, you remind yourself, trying to untangle the knots forming in your stomach.

The door swings open, and Sarah greets you both with a smile. "Hi, Mrs. Williams." She steps aside, allowing you two to step inside.

The sound of glass shattering echoes through the home, followed by a loud 'Damnit, Tommy' coming from the kitchen. 

"Dad and Uncle Tommy are in the kitchen." Sarah winces at the sound of broken glass. "They might need your help."

You let out a small laugh and shake your head. The Miller brothers never cease to entertain. Ellie and Sarah follow behind as you enter the kitchen.

Turning the corner, you see the two brothers bickering in front of the stove. There is a glass jar of spaghetti sauce splattered across the floor.

"I told you not to put that there." Joel points a wooden spoon at his brother's chest.

"Maybe if you looked where you were goin' for once, you wouldn't've knocked the damn thing over." Tommy shoots back. You imagine this is what they have been like since they were kids.

You clear your throat, and both men see the three of you watching them fight.

Tommy beams, stepping over the mess painting the kitchen floor, and bends to wrap his arms around Ellie. He picks her up into his arms and plants a quick kiss on her cheek. "How's my favorite baby girl?"

Ellie wraps her little arms around his neck but turns her nose up at the question, "I'm not a baby, Uncle Tommy. I go to big girl school now."

"You do?" he plays along as though he doesn't know. "Well, shit, kiddo. Pretty soon, your mama's gonna be teachin' you to drive."

"Tommy," You give a soft smack to his upper arm "language, please."

"Sorry, Sugar." He turns his head to you, a cheeky grin taking over his face. He gives Ellie one more kiss before returning her to the ground. He wraps his arms around you next, squeezing you tight. As he pulls away, he slips the bottle of wine from your hand.

Tommy lets out a low whistle as he reads the label "The good stuff. You tryin' to get me drunk?"

"Like you ever need help with that." You roll your eyes. "It was a gift from a client for doing their wedding arrangements on short notice."

Tommy nods to Joel over his shoulder, "I'll put this somewhere he can't knock it over." He exits the kitchen and disappears into the living room.

Joel looks ready to start round two with his brother but stops in his tracks when you turn your attention to him. You give him a small wave, accompanied by a gentle smile, and he forgets whatever heated remark he was going to make.

"Hey, Ellie." Sarah crouches down to her eye level. "Wanna play with bubbles in the backyard again?"

Ellie nods so fast that you think she'll make herself dizzy. The two girls exit through the glass sliding door and disappear into the late August sun, leaving you and Joel alone.

You look down at the mess on the floor. Taking a large step over it, you reach for a roll of paper towels on the counter. Crouching down, you collect the larger pieces of glass before discarding them in the trash can. Joel lowers himself to the floor beside you, and you hand him a wad of paper towels.

"So, I'm guessing we are having spaghetti." You tease.

"Was supposed'a be." He mumbles.

The two of you work to mop up the remaining spilled sauce. When the paper towels absorb the last few drops, you look up to see Joel is closer than you realize. His face is only inches away from your own. Heat burns at your cheeks and your breath hitches in your throat. Shooting up to a standing position, you throw away the soiled paper towels.

"Let's see what we can put together." you rush out, turning to wash your hands at the sink.

Joel stands back in amazement as you expertly scurry around the kitchen, making a single jar of pasta sauce stretch enough for five people. To the jar of premade sauce, you add two cans of crushed tomatoes and a tin of tomato paste he didn't know he had in his pantry. As the sauce thickens in a medium sized soup pot on the stove, you sprinkle in several dried seasons, stirring as needed. A pot of salted water comes to a boil as you place the pasta inside. After raiding his fridge for scraps, you pull together a salad from half a head of lettuce and miscellaneous garden vegetables.

When you find out the men hadn't thought of what to serve for dessert, you dig through the pantry to find a half-full bag of chocolate chips and just enough flour and sugar to make a single batch of cookies. You roll dough balls between your palms and place them on an oiled baking sheet. 

The comfortable silence that has taken over the kitchen as you worked breaks when Sarah and Ellie come running into the house from the backyard. Tommy had found himself outside playing with the girls, and now they are trying to outrun him. Tommy throws open the sliding door, baring his teeth and growling while he looks around the room, putting on his best monster impression. He catches sight of Ellie and bolts toward her. She bursts into laughter and runs to hide between you and the kitchen counter, trying to obscure herself behind your legs.

Tommy takes slow, heavy steps, getting closer and closer. His gaze moves from the laughing girl to the individual balls of cookie dough on the counter before you.

"Tommy, don't even think about it." You warn, "You'll ruin your appetite."

Tommy's eyes shift back to Ellie, who is still hiding behind your legs. He gives her a quick nod, a mischievous smile stretching across his face. He lunges forward, grabbing three cookie dough balls off the baking sheet and shouts "Girls, run!"

The three troublemakers race for the backyard, laughing the whole way.

A soft 'Damn it, Tommy' leaves your lips, but there is no malice behind the words.

Joel chuckles to himself at the exchange. A month ago, the same scene playing out in front of him would have left him seething. A bitter taste would have coated his tongue for the rest of the night. But as he has come to understand his feelings and gotten to know you better, the relationship between you and Tommy warms his heart. Add the fact that seeing you in his kitchen like this felt so domestic, so right. Like it is always supposed to be like this.

When dinner is ready, Joel calls out for Tommy and the girls to come inside. The five of you cram yourselves around a small, circular dining table. Throughout the meal, everyone bumps knees and is nearly rubbing shoulders, but no one minds.

Joel scolds Tommy for showing Sarah and Ellie a trick where he can pull a piece of spaghetti noodle from his nose that he learned while in boot camp. Sarah tells you how she has already planned every outfit for her first week of high school. Ellie shows the whole table how Uncle Tommy taught her to make farting sounds with her armpit. Then it's your turn to scold Tommy.

You sit back from the content chaos and take a sip from your glass of wine. You can't remember the last time you ate a meal like this as a big family. For years, it had been just you and Ellie. Before that, it was usually just you alone. But being here, watching the mayhem unfold, makes you feel whole.

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After dinner, you sit with the two brothers on the deck overlooking the backyard. You notice Joel must have bought a third Adirondack chair since you were here last, which is nice as you no longer have to sit on the arm of Tommy's. You're explaining to Tommy all the work Joel has been doing around the shop; all the while, he throws his brother knowing grins.

Joel tries his best to block him out and listen to you speak. Usually, he would shrink away if someone were to gush about him like this, but it was coming from you. Your praises are making his heart race and filling him with a sense of pride he has never felt before.

You hear tiny feet stomping up the stairs, connecting the deck to the grassy yard and across to where you sit. 

"Mommy, Sarah said she can take me to the park. She said it has two slides, a little one and a big one, and a swing set." Ellie's eyes are wide with excitement. "Can I go?"

"Well," you draw out skeptically, thinking it over. You trust Sarah to be responsible, but letting Ellie out of your near proximity has always been anxiety-provoking.

"C'mon, now." Tommy pipes up, "Let the poor girl go swing." He takes a drink from the brown beer bottle in his hand. He had started drinking during dinner and now was on bottle number five.

You shift your face to him, about to say something about Uncle Tommy being a bad influence, but then your eyes turn to Joel. Sarah is his daughter. If he thinks she is mature enough to do it, you would say yes.

"Why don't you ask Sarah's daddy if it's okay." You give your daughter a reassuring smile and point to Joel.

Ellie turns her attention to Joel, "The asshole."

You think your heart has stopped beating. Your very coherent thought leaves your mind as the horror of what Ellie said settles around you. 

Tommy nearly chokes on his drink. He erupts into a screaming fit of laughter, squeezing his eyes shut as tears threaten to stream down his cheeks. 

"Ellie!" Your voice is shaky and panicked. You turn to Joel, face burning hot and crimson from mortification. You try to put on an apologetic smile, but your face feels like it's going numb. "I-I'm so sorry. I have, I have no idea where she heard."

"Mommy, you said that," Ellie replies nonchalantly as though she doesn't understand how you forgot.

"My love," your pitch is a bit too high to be natural. An artificial sweetness becomes present. "Remember when we talked about not repeating what Mommy says at home?" 

Ellie still doesn't see the problem with what she said. She shrugs her shoulders and gives a slight shake of her head.

"Okay, Ellie. Go to the park with Sarah." The unnatural sweetness is still in your voice.

Ellie runs off to rejoin Sarah without a second thought.

You shoot to your feet, refusing to look at either of the men next to you. "I'm going to grab another glass of wine." You rush into the house, clutching your empty wine glass, and slam the sliding door behind you.

Tommy wipes the tears from his eyes as he tries to catch his breath. His sides are sore and he feels like his face is going to split in half. He slaps a hand on his brother's shoulder. "Well, at least you ain't gotta wonder what she thinks about you anymore."

You fumble with the bottle of wine as you uncork it, pouring the burgundy liquid into the crystal glass. You throw back the entire glass before pouring another. 

Your heart rate has almost returned to normal when Joel enters the kitchen. 

A second wave of guilt washes over you again. You can't bring yourself to look at him. "Joel, I am so sorry."

"It's okay." he offers as he steps closer to you.

"No, really." Your voice grows small. "I'm so sorry. I never should have said that in front of Ellie, and I especially never should have said that about you.

"It's okay." He repeats.

You place the wine glass on the counter and stare down at your hands, fingers fidgeting. "When I said that, we barely knew each other." The more you speak, the more nervous you become. The fear of ruining your already fragile new relationship with Joel terrifies you. "You've been so amazing with all the help around the shop. I feel so awful. I just—"

Joel grabs you, wrapping his large hands around your upper arms. "It's okay."

You finally look at him, eyes wide. 

"I've been a real asshole to you since we met." Joel pauses. "And… I'm sorry."

The sensation of relief you feel from his words is overwhelmed by something different. 

Joel is touching you. 

He's never touched you before. The big hands and strong fingers you've caught yourself daydreaming about more than once are currently wrapped around your upper arms. Warm skin on warm skin. His palms are calloused from two decades of hard labor, but there is a softness to them as well that you didn't expect. 

Joel seems to realize this at the same time you do. He lets go of your arms and shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans. The warmth from where his skin touched yours is gone within an instant.

· · · ──────── ⋆˚ ✿ ❀ ✿ ˚⋆ ─────── · · ·

The sun was setting when Sarah and Ellie returned from the park. Joel, Tommy and you all sat in the living room. The brothers sit on opposite sides of the brown leather couch while you occupy a black recliner. The television was tuned to a Texas Rangers game, but none of you were watching it.

You and Joel sit in a comfortable silence as Tommy fights to keep his eyes open. Though he refuses to admit it, he definitely had one too many tonight. 

Sarah and Ellie enter through the front door. Without saying a word, Ellie climbs into your lap, rests her little cheek against your chest, and closes her eyes.

"Did you two have fun at the park?" You ask, wrapping both arms around your daughter.

Ellie nods her head against your chest, eyes still closed.

Sarah sits on the couch between Joel and Tommy. She leans her head on her father's shoulder and wraps her arms around his.

"Think it's time for the little ones to get some sleep." You tease, rubbing Ellie's back as her breaths become slow and even.

"Joel, can I sleep here tonight?" Tommy slurs. 

"Yeah, go ahead." Joel agrees. The idea of Tommy behind the wheel in this state would terrify anyone. And the last thing Joel wants to do is pick up his younger brother from the Travis County Jail for another DUI.

Tommy pushes off the couch and stands on shaky legs. Once he finds his balance, he shoots you a toothy grin. "Nighty night, Sugar."

"Goodnight, Tommy." You let out a breathy laugh. Tommy was always Tommy, regardless of his sobriety level.

Tommy grabs the staircase's railing and climbs each step as carefully as he can in this state. Joel watches him, making sure there aren't any unfortunate accidents about to happen. 

Sarah also stands from the couch, stretching before wishing Joel and you a goodnight.

"We should probably get going, too." You shift Ellie in your arms, making carrying her to the car easier. You rise to your feet and look to Joel. "Thanks again for having us over."

He's on his feet in an instant. "Course, anytime." 

Joel races to the front door, holding it open for you. You walk toward the driveway where you had parked your car. Securing your hold on Ellie with one arm, you fish your keys out of your pocket with the other, clicking the unlock button on the key fob. Joel moves around you, opening the back passenger door so you can place Ellie into her car seat. Joel stays there, hand on the door as you secure the belt over your sleeping daughter. Once Ellie is strapped in, you step out of the way so Joel can gently shut the door.

"Y'all two can stay." Joel offers. He knew the three glasses of wine you drank weren't enough to get you drunk, but he still worried about you driving back to the city when it was so dark outside "I can kick Tommy outta the guest room and onta the couch."

"Or you girls can sleep in my bed, and I'll take the couch." Joel was ever the southern gentleman, offering his own room so you and Ellie would be comfortable.

"Sounds like you're just trying to get me in your bed, Joel." you tease, flashing him a flirtatious smile. 

Maybe you were more drunk than Joel initially thought.

Joel's heart starts to race, and he swallows thickly despite how dry his mouth has suddenly become, "I-I wasn't implyin'—"

"I'm just messing with you." You laugh. Your smile is so big it forces your eyes half closed.

Joel's mind is moving a million miles a minute, and he isn't sure how to respond.

Before he can formulate a sentence in reply, you are walking around the front of your car and climbing into the driver's seat. You start the engine, give Joel a polite wave goodbye, and pull out onto his street, driving into the night.

⠂⠁⠈⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂

⟢ authors notes: I think I must be ovulating because writing Tommy's scene where he's playing with Ellie has me feeling some type of way. But can you tell how much I love Tommy?

Also, I'm trying to keep this story as realistic as possible. I've put a lot of research into grief, military life in the 1990's and early 2000's, and the general attitude of the continue during that time it for later chapters. The one thing I did take artistic liberty with is that someone is watching a Rangers game in Austin. I know that technically Astros territory, but fuck the Astros.

⟢ tag list: @koshkaj-blog @orcasoul @damneddamsy @legoemma @isabella-rose-trastamara @hoddystark @suzysface @speaktothehandpeasants @anoverwhelmingdin @orodaeh

[arcane-fox]

The Wolf You Feed (Part 5)

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Word Count: 7.3k

Part 5 / ? (Ongoing) A O 3 | M A S T E R L I S T

Summary: Set in a fictional New England town, you fall for your handsome, intense and outdoorsy neighbor while renting out your parent's vacant summer home during a brutal winter.

Chapter Warnings: ANGST. Smut. POV-Switching. Rated Explicit. 18+ MDNI. See series masterlist for general warnings.

A/N: Hang in there friends. I will ease your pain soon 🧡

The next day you were, for the most part, unconsolable. Marlene let you lay around in her guest bed while you faded in between sleep and numbness. 

The pain was unfamiliar. Hurt because it was so unexpected. Amplified because you were falling so hard for him and thought he felt the same way. Hurt by the immense weight of betrayal and deception that he dumped on you last night. Hurt by the thought that he didn’t want you to know. Hurt because despite the pain you still felt a longing and prayed to just wake from the nightmare like it was all just a bad dream.

The early afternoon sun gave its best attempt to bring some life to you, but you simply rolled away from the window and wrapped yourself up in your warm cocoon. Your phone screen lit up on the nightstand for the umpteenth time and you ignored it.

The apathy you were feeling was weighing you down, paralyzing you from moving from your safe haven. It felt like time wasn’t moving either, and you were just trapped in this moment and helpless to do anything about it.

The 360 your emotions took in the span of 24 hours was unprecedented. It took everything out of you and you can’t stop ruminating on what was and what could have been. Where do you go from here? 

Last night, you don’t remember much of what happened when you left Coppers. You were inconsolable and Marlene felt too responsible for you to let you go home by yourself in your condition. She insisted you get in her car and she brought you to her apartment which was not too far away. 

She didn’t ask you any questions, and you could only assume what she could possibly be thinking about you now. You felt embarrassed and sick to your stomach whenever flashes from the night before popped into your mind. 

How could you have been so stupid?   

A tiny knock on the door caught your attention and Marlene meekly poked her head in. She wandered over to the bed and sat at the edge.

“Come on. I made us lunch and you are going to eat.” She patted your bundled up shoulder and got into your face to glare at you. This request was not optional at this point. You owed her big. She placed a bottle of water on the nightstand and you saw her eye your phone lighting up.

“Fine. Give me a minute?” You didn’t sound very convincing. “I promise.”

Marlene left you some clothes to borrow while you were there. An oversized long sleeve shirt and some sweatpants. Comfortable.

Marlene had lunch fixed for you both and slid over a hot cup of coffee as you approached the kitchen table. 

She was being far too kind to you. On the way home you remember little beyond the haze of being drunk and your breakdown. You remember sobbing and telling her you didn’t want to be alone. She ended up bringing you back to her place in town and babysat you through the night.

You were grateful to have made a friend in her and her kindness was the light guiding you through the turmoil. 

You manage a few bites from your sandwich out of consideration but don’t touch your coffee. The awkward silence is broken after a few moments, you knew the conversation was coming.

“So…” She pauses and then just comes out with it. “You and Joel, huh?” She attempts to drop the topic casually and friendly.

“Not anymore.” You feel your eyes well up again. Tears from anger, sadness and heartbreak. A trifecta of emotions that you don’t recall ever feeling before. Everything about Joel was intense and had been from the moment you met him. 

You realize that since meeting him it had all been mostly bottled up inside you. Except for some vague chatter at work, your life with Joel was mostly a secret. Something you kept private because you were shy about being judged for falling for a man so much older than you.  

You tell her everything. 

“Babe, he isn’t worth the tears.” she said so confidently, like she had so much knowledge about him that you didn’t know. 

“I had no idea about Tess.” The words spill out. “I just assumed it was only me. I would have never… How stupid-”

“Joel is an asshole” she cuts you off. Her tone is getting more heated as she gets frustrated that you are blaming yourself for anything in all of this. “What he did was wrong.” Marlene tried her best to keep her judgements to herself, but she always had been very outspoken. You knew she would be an open book if you would just ask. She seemed to harbor some resentment that was starting to slip out.

“How long have they.. You know. Been together?” you choke on the words.

“As long as I’ve known them.” she catches the way you react and takes a step back to explain. “They used to be close. Really close. Over the years they have grown apart. I think nowadays they just fuck around with each other when they are feeling lonely.” 

Your heart is in your throat and you want to throw up. You go to speak but can’t find the words, only more tears. 

“Sorry. I mean, you should know this.”

She's right, you should know this, and Joel should be the one telling you. You think back to how he was so quick to push you away at the bar and wanted to talk later. You knew something was up and he wasn’t ready for you to find out. Even if you never really defined anything between you both, he led you on. He used you. 

“Tess isn’t a saint either.” She interrupts you as if she can hear your thoughts. “This has been a long time coming. They are both toxic.” 

You wanted to know what she meant by that, but your mind couldn’t get past his wrongdoings. From where you sat last night, it looked like Tess was caught off guard by him too. 

You felt sick to your stomach the moment you realized you were the other woman. Tess didn’t deserve that.  

The tears were flowing again. You drag the back of your hand across your face to quickly wipe them away. 

“You deserve better.” She reassures you.

Do you, though? You wonder. 

You never had the best luck with men. The way Joel made you feel was not something you would be able to replace or move on from easily. He awoke something inside you that you needed to feed. He had a darkness that you were drawn to. A sexual energy that you never sought out before. It was so perfectly hidden behind some neighborly deeds and a tired man’s body.       

“Despite it all, and I know how stupid this sounds. How stupid this is. I still… can’t stop thinking about him.” You confess out loud. 

You were not a stupid person by any stretch, but you were feeling blinded by how he had been making you feel up until last night. Even after you confronted him, before you really learnt what was going on, you still felt like he was doing this for you. He wasn’t acting like the same person, but you could feel the Joel you knew was still there inside him. Like the face he was putting on was for everyone else, but your Joel was waiting in the wings.

When he had you alone by the bathrooms you could feel how much he wanted you. See how much hurt there was in his eyes when you were crying. He told you it wasn’t about you and you really wanted to believe that was true.

When he held your face in his hand and wiped your tears you knew that whatever was going on, his feelings for you were not something to question. He wanted you on a primal level and you wanted him to take what he needed from you. 

You weren’t in a formal relationship with him. You never had that talk with him. You never asked if there was anyone else. These thoughts were creeping in and making you feel stupid and partially responsible. Your conscience was desperately looking for any excuse to help Joel’s case. 

Marlene rolls her eyes. “Joel is nothing but bad news. Look at what he already did to you. Forget him.” 

Easier said than done, you think to yourself. The truth is that up until his performance he had been the first guy in your life that made you feel truly desired. It couldn’t have felt so real if it wasn’t true.

He needed you, but you also needed him.   

“Marlene…” You pause, trepidation in your tone. “I was falling for him. I think I was in l-”

“Stop.” She cuts you off. “You liked his… handsome charm, don’t confuse it for something more.” An annoyance peaks in her voice. 

You had fallen for people before and had relationships based purely on lust and attraction, but this was not it. It was something so unique that you couldn’t even put into words or feelings. A high that he gave you that you had to chase because you needed that next fix so badly. 

“And…” She pauses before cautiously saying more. “He is old enough to be your dad. Come on, this wasn’t going anywhere!” She was trying to make you see the obvious things without sounding too critical. 

You actually liked that he was older. It was so attractive if not a little bit taboo which just made it that much more exciting. He was worn on the edges but he was so confident and capable with everything he did. Not to mention no one had pleasured you like Joel Miller. You were absolutely smitten by everything he gave to you. He made you insatiable for him in every way. 

You brushed off her comments about his age. It was something you loved about him. Something that turned you on that you didn’t feel like defending.

Still, by all counts she was right. You knew the right thing to do would be to move on with your life, without Joel. 

“I’m sure whatever you had was fun, but that is all it was ever going to be.” Her matter of fact way of stating things helped to make the reality hit a little less hard. 

Maybe the reason it felt so good with Joel is because you wanted it to be something more than it was. The pit in your stomach reminds you of its presence and how this whole ordeal makes you feel sick.

There is a long silence between the two of you, and she no doubt can tell how heavy the words are hitting you. She finishes her coffee and clears the table, taking away your hardly touched plate. 

You sit with your thoughts for a moment before joining her at the kitchen sink. You hand her your mostly full coffee mug to pour in the basin.

The elephant in the room is getting too big to ignore.

It didn’t matter how you felt or what you wanted when there was someone else involved.

“What am I going to do now?” You ask her with teary eyes and a meek voice.

“I know Tess pretty well, and she can be scornful. I don’t think she knows about you and Joel, and you should keep it that way.” 

You feel yourself disassociated and want to just disappear. Go back to your Boston life and pretend you never met Joel Miller. Find a new job.  A new place to live and start fresh, again. 

“I like you, and I think you got put in a real shitty situation.” That was an understatement. “I’m not going to say anything to her, ok?” 

You nod, and believe her words.

“You are done with Joel, right?” She looks at you for confirmation. “Right?”

“Yeah. Of course.” You look away from her as you answer and the tears flow again. You weren’t sure if you were lying to her or lying to yourself, but you knew it wasn’t truthful. Whatever path you carved out next would be wrong if it wasn’t leading away from Joel.  

“Then cry as much as you need to now and put this behind you.”

She brings you in for a comforting hug and you sob into her shoulder.   

The worst part of it all is that you still have feelings for him.

—

JOEL POV - The Night Before

As he walked towards the stage to play, he was a wreck inside. Looking calm and composed was just a facade. He was nervous enough to be playing tonight with his carefully thought out song, but now knowing you may very well still be around was tipping him over the edge. There was no turning back at this point and he had to stay the course. He had to get this off his chest and had to wash his hands of Tess. Whatever comes next he would have to take it as it comes. 

The thought of hurting you in any way made him sick. 

Taking his seat he was grateful for the bright lights on him, making the audience look like anonymous shadows. At least in his mind he could pretend it was a room of nobodies. He never was one to have stage fright. He was a talented enough musician and most of the audience was drunk. He didn’t care what they thought anyways.  

He drags his hand along the neck of the guitar, feeling the strings under his calloused fingertips. Taking in a deep breath he adjusts the guitar in his lap. The light reflects off his watch and the shiny, polished wood of his instrument. The stage feels lonely as the room silences with all eyes on him.    

He strums his guitar and flexes his hand to loosen up. There is no turning back now and this is something he has to do. 

“This one’s…. for Tess.” his voice shakes as the words leave his mouth. 

This moment the only thing that mattered was that she heard this. He never was one with words or talking about his feelings, but he always had been able to lean on music when it mattered. It was the only time he truly let himself be vulnerable.  

As he started playing, he blocked out everything around him. His mind was just filled with the memories of Tess. What he loved. What he wanted. What he never got and never will. What he would always mourn but no longer desire. His time with her was over for him. He could feel his heart aching as he sang, but also getting lighter, not realizing how heavy this all was weighing on him for such a long time until he was letting it go.

As the song progressed it felt cathartic. Letting some of his anger slip into his tone and fade out into the ether, taking along his frustrations. Confronting all the feelings he had been holding in for so long. The sadness he felt was mourning, and he knew it would only get better now that he was moving on. He had already been mourning her loss for a long time without truly acknowledging it. Until now.       

Living in the memory

   Of a love that never was

He was feeling bolder and confident that his decision to be done with Tess was the right one. It didn’t erase their history or make her impact on his life any less significant. What they had was special and always would be. It didn’t have to overstay like it was in order to preserve that history. It was time to move on and stop feeding the resentment that was overtaking everything left that was good.

He would always love her for their history and she had to know so that she could move on too before the damage between them was too great. He knew she would understand and accept it; in time. 

Then you crept back into his mind. Finally he was giving himself permission to allow it to, properly. 

You filled in all that empty space that was vacant for just mere moments. Another realization that he wasn’t giving everything to you and how much he wanted to. He had been indulging in your companionship with trepidation. Reluctant to open himself up and fearful that it would be another road to nowhere. 

Afraid you might not want him and his darkness that came along once you really knew him. 

His eyes were finally adjusted to the lights just enough to make out the details in the shadows in front of him. 

He couldn’t help himself to look up and scan the audience, searching for you passively. Deep down, he knew you were still out there. He could sense that unexplainable feeling when someone is watching you intently. It made his heart race as he struggled to fight the distraction and finish his song. 

'Cause I've done everything I know

To try and make you mine

And I think I'm gonna love you

As if by instinct, he zeroed in on you standing towards the back of the room with tears in your eyes. An invisible rope tethering you together against the odds in the sea of shadows. 

When he caught your eyes he had to look away in shame. Disgusted with himself that you were collateral damage in his situationship. He choked on his final words, and they came out low and shaky.  

For a long, long time.

He strummed the last chords of his song and fought back the feeling in his throat that was bubbling up. He felt like he couldn’t breathe and the weight of his actions was crushing him. The silence in the room filled him with dread and it felt like time was standing still, like he was in front of everyone naked with his emotions raw and exposed before them. His chest was tight, bursting with an anxious heart beating rapidly with heavy thuds.  

A conflicting wave of emotions tears through him and it takes everything not to lose his composure. He takes the deepest breath, closes his eyes and it isn’t Tess that comes to mind. 

It’s you. 

With his final strum of the guitar it felt like he was releasing himself from Tess. Free after so long and fighting so hard for their relationship. Free to bring his full attention to where his heart was calling him.

Finally the room erupts in applause and he feels the tiniest pang of relief wash over him and snaps him back to reality. He sneaks off the stage and makes his way towards the back. He needed to hold you and tell you how sorry he was and at this point he didn’t care who saw him.

Familiar faces and acquaintances slapped him on the back and boasted to him about how great he did and the gauntlet of drunken patrons slows him down significantly. When he manages to break away and gets eyes on where you were standing you are nowhere to be found. 

A hand grabs his sleeve and he turns but his heart sinks when it’s Tess.

“Joel..” she whines through a shaky voice and pulls him to look at her.

He didn’t want to be cruel to her or disregard whatever feelings she was going through but he also didn’t feel obligated to her anymore. For the first time in a long time, he didn’t feel like he was on her leash. He was done putting her first.  

“Tess, not now.” His voice was low and gentle. He really did feel for her out of habit, but he also knew he couldn’t let her try to reconcile. Not yet, anyways. He was open and hopeful to remain friends with her, but she needed to get over him first. He knew her reaction would be anger until she had time to cool off. 

“Really? After that you are going to ice me out? What the hell, Joel?” Her anger was increasing with every sound leaving her lips. The last thing he wanted was a blow up with her and he wasn’t going to let her control this narrative any longer. 

“Stop it.” He unintentionally uses his size to intimidate her as he steps closer. Silencing her as the remaining empathy leaves his eyes. He was never confrontational with Tess, and this was something new that she did not expect or know how to react to.   

A few nosy people nearby get quiet as they try to watch the drama unfold in front of them and pretend to be minding their own business. Joel takes a step back from Tess and furrows his brow.  

“I told you. I’m moving on. We’re done now.” He says firmly and sharply points his finger towards her. The tears in her eyes almost make him soften, but he holds firm. “Done.” He reiterates through gritted teeth.

He hated being so cold, but he had to or else nothing would change.  

Tess bites her lip and for the first time has no words. She was so used to being the boss and calling the shots and for the most part Joel let her. Not this time. She wipes the wetness that starts to fall from her eyes and walks off, angry and hurt.

“What are you looking at?” He snaps at the prying eyes watching him be a total asshole and then proceeds to walk towards the exit to continue his search. He was quickly running out of fucks to give by this point in the evening.

The bar was starting to clear out a little now that the live entertainment was done for the night. He doesn’t see you and starts to worry you left without allowing him a chance to explain himself. 

Truthfully, he didn’t know what he was going to say, but he knew he needed to see you. To apologize at the minimum and beg you to hear him out. There was so much you didn’t know that he needed to tell you.

He collects his guitar, dons his jacket and makes his way outside. There is a gentle snow falling and a coating on the cars and walkway. Footprints heavily littering the path into the parking lot and fanning out. It would be a fool's errand to pick out your prints or your car under the blanket of winter. 

He makes his way to his truck, and carelessly brushes off his windshield with his sleeve. 

He pulls out his phone and calls you, but it goes unanswered and to your mailbox. He sends you a text.

Joel: Im so sorry baby

Joel: Please can we talk? 

He leans on his truck, ignoring the cold and tries to call you again. And again. The relentless ringing is only silenced by the robotic voice of the generic voice mail operator.

After the 3rd call he left a message.

“Please answer the phone baby girl. I know I don’t deserve it, but I need to talk to you. Please.” His message was delivered with a low, calm tone, barely masking that he was afraid. 

Afraid he lost you.  

—

READER POV - Saturday Afternoon

Marlene dropped you off at the bar to pick up your car. No one was around this time of day and it felt surreal being back at the scene of the crime, so to speak. She gave you a hug and just nodded to you as you left. Urging you to believe you would be ok, and you had to move on. 

When you got home you didn’t even dare look to see if Joel was home. You went inside, took a shower and wrapped up in a blanket to watch TV on your couch.

Whatever was on you didn’t really pay attention. Your mind was just filled with Joel. You wanted to wake up from this bad dream. 

You had been vulnerable with him. You were ready to give yourself to him so quickly because you craved that intimacy only he could give. He worshipped your body and made you feel something you never felt before. 

Was that enough? Surely not to a self respecting person. It makes you feel sick to be so hesitant to do the obviously right thing.  

You so badly wanted him, and knew you couldn’t just let him treat you this way. You felt guilty about still wanting to give him a chance.

You finally gave in to looking at your phone. 

You had 34 unread messages from Joel. 9 missed calls and 3 voicemails. You fought the urge to see what he had to say and instead gave notice to your other missed calls. Your mother. She had tried to call you 3 times. You had barely talked to her this past week and didn’t really want to but you also knew she would worry if you continued to ignore her. You were afraid she might also reach out to her precious neighbor too if you gave her any reason to panic. It didn’t take much with her. 

You called your mom, lied that you were sick with the flu and that you just wanted to sleep. She didn’t make you talk long thankfully and she didn’t say anything about her handyman neighbor.

The night was getting late and you mustered up enough energy to move into your bedroom. 

Seeing Joel’s flannel shirt laying at the foot of your bed hit you hard. You had been so happy and flirty just a few nights before and you wanted that back. It felt like it was taken from you unfairly.

You hugged the shirt to your chest and breathed in his masculine scent that still lingered. The scent that drove you wild with desire.  

How were you going to get over this man who made you such a mess?

You tossed the shirt into your dirty clothes pile and got into bed, lamenting how cold and empty it was and wishing you were wrapped up in Joel’s navy blue sheets and stealing his heat. Feeling his heartbeat against your cheek as he holds you close. The ghost of his touch on your skin makes you tear up again. 

Fuck you Joel Miller. You mumble out loud to yourself. It wasn’t fair.   

You lay there for what felt like hours, your mind firing on all cylinders with no hope of slowing down. 

Curiosity won in the end, and you opened up the text thread with Joel. You scanned it quickly and saw a recurring theme of him asking if you were ok, apologizing and worried that you were not home.  

Joel: Please just tell me you are safe

Joel: I’ll leave you alone just let me know

Joel: Where are you? 

Those were texts from the morning. After your car was back home and signs of life his messages were back to apologizing and what you can only imagine to be a descent of drunken texts from this evening.

Joel: I’m so sorry

Joel: We need to talk

Joel: Please n

Joel: I m fucknig srry

Joel: Just let m tel you and ill stpo

Joel: /

Joel: I ned to talk to you

You wanted to talk to him. You needed some clarity, but you also didn’t want to be tricked into forgiving him because of your body betraying your mind. There was a nagging you could not shake that his actions at the bar didn’t undo the way he made you feel. There had to be more to it or else it would be so easy to wash your hands of him and never turn back. 

You started typing a reply and deleting until finally settling on just leaving him on read. 

You listened to his first voicemail, and hearing the pain in his voice made your heart break more. He was worried about you and he sounded like he was doing his best to be composed, but you could see through it. That southern drawl makes you melt when you hear him call you baby girl.

You slammed your phone down and regretted giving in to his attempts. It only made it harder to be mad at him.  

As you drifted off to sleep with tears leaving wet stripes on your cheeks you decided that tomorrow you would go see Joel. You would go in person and get a true gauge of where things stand. You would also try to do the right thing.    

—

JOEL POV - Saturday Night

Midday and he was worried about you. Not only were you not answering him or reading his messages, but you also had not been home. Of course you were an adult and clearly could do whatever you wanted, but he felt entirely responsible for whatever you were up to. 

He paced to his bedroom window, looking out through the blinds to see the same snow covered drive. Untouched. He was getting restless.  

He flips through your messages and can’t help but look at the pics you sent him during your bedtime photoshoot.

He could feel himself harden and palmed himself through his denim to get some relief. It felt wrong, but he couldn’t control the way his body reacted to you. He unzips his jeans to let his cock breathe as he takes a seat in the living room. 

Scrolling through the photos you sent and seeing more and more of your body made him swell. The pressure in his groin became too much to handle with a casual touch. 

Fuck he mumbles under his breath. 

He spreads his legs wider and slides a hand inside his boxers to stroke himself, imagining it was you and your gentle hands wrapped around his shaft. 

The guilt of what he did weighed heavy on his mind but didn’t hinder him from getting aroused. He needed to have you again. Feel your tight pussy gripping him and listen to your sweet moans. 

It eats away at him. It was wrong to get off to you especially after what he had done to you. 

But it didn’t stop him.

Settling on the second picture you sent, he focuses on how deranged and needy you looked. Hungry for his cock. Your breasts were perfectly in view and still partially clad in his shirt. His scent was all over you in that moment. You were his.  

His labored strokes quicken as he fucks into his fist and he comes with a stifled groan. 

Sitting alone with his release dripping over his knuckles made him feel like a dirty old man. Getting off to a woman that didn’t want him anymore.   

He woke later that evening, awkwardly slumped against the arm of his chair. The house was completely dark except for some embers from his wood stove about to give it’s last breath. He was groggy and sore. His neck ached from the awkward position. 

After getting his wits about him, he opened his phone to see you still had not replied. He stumbled over to his window and to his relief your car was parked in the yard. 

At least you were home. You were safe. Clearly you did not want to talk to him yet. 

He wanders off to his kitchen to pour himself a stiff drink and downs it way too fast before taking a shower and drinking again and again. 

As the whiskey clouds his mind and fills him with nothing but remorse for what he did, he sloppily sends you some desperate texts before passing out for the night.

—

READER POV - Sunday

The Sunday afternoon energy was heavy. You had been avoiding Joel in every possible way since Friday night. The exception being your moment of weakness and reading his texts. Instead you buried yourself in a book trying to focus your mind on another world with characters struggling with simpler problems.

The time spent alone had given you some peace to think about what your next move was going to be, but you were still battling with what to do.

If you were not so smitten with him it would be so easy to just walk away. You never questioned his character before and now it’s all you can do. Weighing the damage he did with what you had come to know about him before was not an easy task. It also made you question your own character. What kind of a person would it make you be to continue on with this? Maybe you battled with failed relationships all your life because you never found the one to balance who you really are. Maybe you are just hopelessly lusting over Joel Miller and telling yourself anything that can make it feel ok. 

Your anger and hurt was stinging less and making you feel more numb than anything. Marlene’s words of advice were lingering in the front of your mind constantly. You felt guilty for entertaining the idea of talking to him and even more guilty for settling on actually doing it. 

Looking out your front window you see his truck parked in his driveway. No fresh tire tracks and covered in snow. You had not seen any signs of life since you returned home other than some smoke from his chimney and a light or two.

The text messages from him did still trickle in at a slower pace, but you continued to ignore them. Wiping the notification off your lock screen.

Marlene also texted you periodically to check in and you assured her you were doing just fine and would be ok. 

You made an impulsive decision to go over now before you changed your mind again, not sure what you were going to say or do, but you couldn’t ignore him forever. The more you thought about what your gameplan was the more you started to talk yourself out of it.  

You freshened up in the bathroom, applying some light makeup to mask the bags under your eyes and hide the fact that you have been crying for days. You knew deep down you also just wanted to look really good for him. You wanted to spite him and make him want you but not let him have you as some sort of punishment. At least that is what you told yourself.     

You bundled up in your boots and winter jacket. Wrapped a scarf around you and put on some mittens and a hat. Your hair falling loosely around your face. You looked cute but completely covered up. 

The sun was just starting to set, but there was still plenty of light left to venture outside.

You wandered over to your mailbox and picked up the scent of burning wood. A smoky, campfire smell. It smelled inviting. You heard a chopping sound coming from the direction of Joel’s house and guessed he was outside working. Typical Joel behavior to be outdoors. 

As you make your way to his house the campfire smell intensifies and you see some smoke coming from the side of his house. There is a footpath going from his driveway and you decide to follow it to the sound.

As you round the corner, the sight is enough to make you forgive all his wrongs.

Joel’s back was to you and his silhouette is bright and familiar. You could recognize his figure in a lineup with ease. Broad and commanding.  

The frame of his body was muscular but not bulky. Toned from his manual labor lifestyle. His broad shoulders and tapered waist were perfectly illuminated by the burning fire next to him.  

He was dressed in some dirty jeans that hugged him perfectly and heavy work boots. His torso clad in a rustic, plaid flannel not too different from the one you stole. The sleeves are pushed up and bunched on his forearms and his hands protected with leather gloves. 

You see his jacket discarded on a pile of chopped wood and a small brush pile burning next to him, keeping him unnecessarily warm. It looked like he had more than enough body heat radiating off him. Uncomfortably toasty.  

The area between his shoulder blades was damp and dark with sweat. The curls in his hair were an unruly mess, especially where they met the hot perspiration on his neck. 

Seeing Joel in lumberjack mode unlocked something inside you that you didn’t even know existed. He was so primal in his ability to handle whatever task was at hand. Just as he had been when intimate with you. He could take you away and live off the grid someplace in the wilderness and you wouldn’t bat an eye. He was more than capable of taking care of all your needs.  

You feel it deep inside you. That intense heat building that only Joel can make you feel. An arousal coiling up inside you and ready to burst out if given the chance.   

He turns to place a section of wood in front of him and makes a grunt sound as he lifts it into place. No doubt it was heavy and judging by his pile, and the sweat on his body, he had been at this for a while. His outstretched arm had his flannel tightly choking his bicep as he moved to adjust the log in front of him. It was obscene to see his body flex and demonstrate his strength. The desire to have his arms on you in this moment and feel the full force of his body against you.

He picks up the axe and throttles it down again with a grunt, wood splintering in front of him as the force from his axe splits the wood into two.

He is nearly panting from the exertion, moving the split wood over to the pile only to repeat it all over again. He pulls his shirt up to wipe his brow. The hard ridges of his muscles taunt you as they shine in the light of the fire. As he wipes his sweat and pauses for the briefest moment to rest against his axe you decide to make your presence known before he realizes you are watching him.

“Hey Joel” you announce softly.

He is startled by you and turns quickly, letting his shirt fall back over his stomach. His expression softens when he meets your eyes. He tosses the axe next to him and pulls off his gloves as he steps towards you. 

The heat of his body and his smoky scent hit you all at once as he stands just in front of you, unsure if he should touch you or not.  He hesitates but you can see the desire in his eyes to touch you. 

“Sweetheart, I’m–” he pauses, and rakes his hand through his hair. “I’m so glad to see you. Lord knows I don’t deserve it.” He gives a side smirk and his best attempt at looking innocent. It almost works.

He steps towards you but you reluctantly hold your hand up. He ignores it and pushes his chest into your palm. His innocence was replaced with cunning intentions. His damp and hot chest sending a wave of desire through you, making you even more wet. You were certain he could sense it too despite your attempts to act put together.  

Before you can protest he has his hands on your waist. His fingers wrapping around you and positioned to pull you in close. His needy energy is not something you have seen before. Not like this. Assertive but stepping over a line you put out. 

“Joel, stop.” You weakly protest and take a step back from him. His hands slide off your hip as you step away and you can see some panic in his eyes that he misread what this was. 

He could clearly see how mixed you were feeling. He was letting his raw desire take the lead and hoped it would help sway you to give in to him and soften your resolve. Whether it was wrong or right, he knew that sexual tension you both had was not going silently.

He also knew that he cared about you more than just as a hookup. Truthfully you had made him feel things he hadn’t felt in a long time. He was so scared to lose you before he even got to properly have you. His fear was making him act stupid and desperate and he didn’t know how to reign it back. Especially with you being just within your reach. He was tailspinning.      

“I’m sorry, baby.” He pauses. “I should have told you about her. It’s not what it looks like. I mean, it is complicated and–”

You swallow back your feelings and look him straight in the eyes. How much more cliche could he get?  

“It’s too late for that now,” you countered, realizing that confronting this now was not something you were ready for after all. 

Joel chewed his lip, wiping his hand on his chin as he fought back the urge to unleash some of his anger that he had been harboring. Anger he had towards himself that needed to escape. He was getting agitated.

He knew you were right, but he knew he couldn’t just let you go. He lets out a deep breath as he pinches between his brows, releasing a little tension as he exhales and composes his next words carefully.

“I want you to… need you to know I never did anything with her while I was with you.” His words come out desperate, pleading with you to understand. To forgive him even. 

You weren’t sure if you believed that. You couldn’t exactly trust him anymore now that the trust had been broken.     

“I swear it. There is a lot you don’t know about Tess and-”

Hearing her name on his lips is the last straw and it enrages you, reminding you that you are not here for second chances and apologies. You are here to tell him to leave you alone.

“I don’t think we should see each other anymore.” You declare coldly and emotionless. 

Joel stares, he looks like he wants to speak but he isn’t sure what to say. He isn’t sure he heard you right, or didn’t want to believe that he did. 

You go to turn but he grabs your sleeve and holds you to face him.

“Please, I need to… don’t go.” He stumbles over his words, grabbing you harder than he meant to, desperate to make you stay.  

“You hurt me.” The tears start to fall again as you speak your truth to him. You look him straight in the eyes so he can see your pain from what he did. There was no misreading your tears. 

“I know. Never meant for you to get hurt. I can explain-” He panics, realizing you are leaving him and his chance is fleeting.

You struggle to pull your arm away but he isn’t listening and just brings you closer with his strength. He was blind to your obvious demands to stop. Clouded by his panic.  

“I owe you an explanation. Let me-” His eyes penetrate into you, begging you to look at him. 

“It's too late.” You cut him off. “Lose my number.” Your words bite. 

You pull your arm away sharply and continue to walk away. You feel him staring at you and you swear he can hear your heart beating out of your chest. It took every ounce of restraint to hold firm with what you set out to do. You were not going to let him talk you into changing your mind.

With tears welling up in your eye you continue walking forward. You hear him begging you to stop and listen to him. 

“Sweetheart, please.” he calls out after you. Pleading with you but you put more distance between him and his words as they get quieter.

Under his breath, Joel whispers “I’m sorry.” When your pace quickens and you don’t look back you swear you can hear him speak those words again and again, but you keep walking. 

... Chapter 6

A O 3 | M A S T E R L I S T | N O T I F I C A T I O N S

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[vampiriito]

Summer was full of kisses.. (JJ Maybank x shy! kook! reader) Chapter 7

A/N: Hey loves! insane how good this series is doing. My valentines day special kinda blew up and i'm like still in shock. Thanks to @thxtmarvelchick for featuring my fic in her recommendations post, I got too attached to this story, and I'm kinda sad it's coming to an end :(

Summary: JJ and his girlfriend have a movie night but is JJ watching the movie..? no, JJ is trying to calm himself down and at least make it through the stupid rom-com playing on your laptop before he pounces on you. (warnings? p in v, needy bf JJ and me being single.)

Being JJ's girlfriend turned out to be easy. Well, almost. You always wondered how'd it feel, and how'd he look in a committed relationship. But JJ was whipped. When his best friend John B started macking Sarah Cameron he called him pussy whipped. But JJ feared he became the same thing, in the small window of time of dating you. It came as a shock to everyone, except Maisy, your best friend. She had a feeling this would happen, she said. Despite being 2 complete opposites, you and JJ paired really well, your quiet demeanor softening him and his reckless talkative one making you just a tad bit out there. It was a strange feeling for JJ's best friends, seeing him smitten with one girl. Bringing her to hangouts and parties. Like he was another person.

John B and Pope were especially shocked at the sudden change in their friend. JJ always being one to go from girl to girl, never being serious about any of them, but with you it was different. JJ was acting.... well, almost like a normal teenager, the very thought of it made both John B and Pope roll their eyes and shake their heads. Even just a few months ago none of them thought JJ was capable of being in a serious relationship, but here they all were. And if JJ was being 100% honest, he rather liked being your boyfriend.

He enjoyed the way it felt to be your boyfriend. He liked watching everyone's reactions in the group, the shock and disbelief on their faces was one he would never get tired of. He liked the way you sat next to him at the Wreck, the way you let him put his hand on your thigh, the way you leaned your head on his shoulder. He loved the way you would let him pull you in and give you small kisses on your forehead and your cheeks and your neck. He just loved you.

He wasn't a sap though, he still acted like the same JJ everyone knew. Still was cocky and smug, still threw parties and did stupid pranks with his friends, but he didn't look at other girls and he didn't sleep around. It was like he flipped a switch to only focus on you. He found it funny and strange that you had this effect on him. John B and Pope found it absolutely mind blowing and shocking.

"JJ..." you scolded your boyfriend for what felt like the hundredth time in the last 15 minutes. He kept poking you and pinching your side, and on top of all that, asking a million questions and making snarky comments about the movie playing on your laptop screen.

Your cheek was resting on your palm, elbow propped on the pillow as you lay lazily on your side, your eyes fixed intently on the movie. The room was quiet, apart from the sounds of the film and the occasional chuckle from JJ whenever he managed to get a reaction out of you. Your blankets and a mess of pillows surrounded you both on the bed, creating a cozy nest. The small fairy lights hung from the wall above the bed, casting a soft glow around the room. It was perfect for the laptop screen to cast most of the light, avoiding the harshness of a lamp or lightbulb.

"What? I'm barely touching you." JJ responded, a cheeky smirk on his face. He was lounging behind you, his body pressed up against your back, his bare chest pressing against your upper back and neck. One arm was snaked around your waist, pulling your body tight against his so that there was very little space between the two of you. His other hand was the one doing the annoying poking and pinching, his finger digging into your side, enjoying the way you squirmed.

His chin was resting on your shoulder, his breath soft against your ear, each exhale sending a soft shiver down your spine. He was being purposely annoying, as he usually was, enjoying the way you reacted and the scolding you would give him. He knew you didn't actually mind that much, it wasn't like he was poking enough to truly hurt you. No, he was gentle in his pokes, just teasing and playful, like everything else he did.

His long, sun-bleached hair was messy, sticking in every direction, most of it falling down off his shoulders. It was always a mess, always looking like he'd been dragged through a hedge backwards but you loved it anyway. It was cute, it was messy, and it suited his unkempt, chaotic personality perfectly. It also felt really nice when he nuzzled his head against you, when he buried his face in your neck and his hair tickled the skin of your throat and collarbone.

His chin moved from your shoulder, and he nuzzled his head against the side of your neck, his nose and lips grazing the sensitive skin, peppering a few short kisses on your skin. His arm that was wrapped around your waist gave you a gentle squeeze, as if he was trying to coax some attention out of you, wanting you to turn and look at him instead of focusing on the movie playing on the laptop.

You shook your head gently, sighing and running your hand through his hair for a split second as if telling him to rein it in, still intently watching the movie playing on your laptop.

JJ let out a small whine, his chin still resting on your shoulder. He pouted against your skin, continuing to press his lips against your neck, the tip of his tongue gently darting out and lapping at your skin. His hand around your waist slid up under the fabric of your shirt, his palm splaying over your stomach, pulling you even tighter against him.

“Pay attention to me..” He muttered, his voice deep and a little whiny, his hand moving from your stomach to your ribs, his fingers slowly tracing across your skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake. He continued to kiss and nuzzle and press his lips to your neck, trailing kisses from just under your ear to your shoulder and back again.

"I just wanna watch the movie... we made out like 20 minutes ago.." you sighed, your tone gentle yet distracted by the laptop. You closed your eyes at the feeling of his hand slipping under your tank top, splaying over your ribs, leaving hot and insistent kisses over your neck from behind. Which you didn't really mind, you loved the attention JJ gave you, especially now that he purposefully stayed in with you on a Friday night instead of going to a kegger.

"Yeah, well, now I wanna kiss you again." He replied, his tone and actions still somewhat whiny and childish, and he still pouted against your neck. His hand on your ribs continued to trace circles on your skin, his thumb gently rubbing against your ribs, his other arm still wrapped around your waist and holding your body tight against his. The kisses he was placing on your neck were slow and lazy, his lips moving and his tongue tasting your soft skin.

"Please..."

He drew the word out, still pressed against your neck, his lips still moving slowly and lazily against your skin as he planted kiss after kiss down the column of your neck. He knew how much you liked when he was clingy like this, when he whined at you, when he begged. He knew how much you liked it when he wrapped himself around you and held you tight against him, like he was doing now.

Your hand reached up to run through his hair gently, raking your fingers through it mindlessly, "I promise I'll kiss you after the movie okay?" you muttered comfortingly, trying your best to focus on the movie and not the fact that, despite your protests you liked how much he was clinging to you, kissing your neck slowly and whining quietly. It made your stomach do those weird flips and heat bloom just a little between your legs.

JJ let out another pouty whine, but his lips and tongue and everything stopped, he knew he wasn't going to get his way. He was also a little too distracted by the feeling of your fingers in his hair, of you massaging his scalp as you ran your fingers through his messy locks. He made a small noise, almost like a purr, as he pressed his face into your neck and practically nuzzled into you. He was a total puppy, he just would never outright admit it though.

His hand on your stomach slowly slid lower, his fingers tracing the expanse of your stomach, then your hip, pausing for a moment before going lower still, stopping on your upper thigh and resting there. He pulled you a little tighter against him, his body molding against your back, as if he was trying to meld his body with yours and make the two of you into one. He placed another few lazy, warm kisses on your neck before propping his chin back on your shoulder and watching the movie, as patiently as he could.

As he adjusted your bodies, your arched your back a little, shifting so your were sitting more comfortably now, content that he was finally paying attention to the movie like you had asked him.

JJ tried very hard to focus on the movie playing on the laptop screen but found himself distracted every few minutes, your body pressed up against him like that. You shifting against him only made it harder to pay attention, your body moving against his in all the right ways, pressing against all the wrong spots and making his head spin. He tried his best to fight down the heat building in his lower stomach, ignoring the way his blood was starting to flow downward.

He nuzzled his head against your neck again, taking deep breaths as he tried to calm himself down, but the scent of you was only making everything worse. He tried to keep his hands still, to not let them wander to your thighs or hips or anywhere else on your body. He didn't want to lose control after he said he'd behave and let you finish your movie. He just had to hope you were more interested in the movie than you were interested in what he was doing to you, hoping that you didn't notice his body reacting to you.

You let out a faint giggle, turning to gaze back at him, raising your brows in expectancy as if expecting him to also laugh at whatever was on the screen, going back to watching almost instantly, adjusting your self once again without even realizing.

JJ, on the other hand, found himself mesmerized by the sight of you. Sitting with him like this, with your back pressed against his chest and your hair framing your face in soft waves. Your face tilted back to look at him, the faint sparkle in your eyes as you gave him a small smile. He thought you were so damn beautiful like this, and the way you kept shifting against him, unknowingly moving in ways that set every nerve in his body on fire... he felt like he was hanging on by a thread.

His hands had a mind of their own as they slowly, hesitantly, started sliding over your body, starting on your thighs, tracing small, aimless patterns on them before moving up and around your hips, tracing your curves, as he fought the urge to dig his fingers into your skin. His lips hovered over your neck, not kissing, not nuzzling, not doing anything but breathing slowly in an attempt to calm himself down a little.

You felt his touch, and took it as him simply just being affectionate. Which was better than poking you and pinching your back or tickling you. You raised your hand to run in through his hair again in a tender gesture, another small giggle escaping your lips at the events of the movie.

JJ practically mewled at the feeling of your hand in his hair, any control or self restraint he had left completely disappearing as he let out a quiet, frustrated huff. Your touch was driving him insane. The way your back was pressed against his chest, the way you were practically sitting in his lap. And now, your fingers and nails gently running through his hair, he couldn't take it anymore. Your touch was like a drug and he was an addict, hooked on wanting more and more and more. Which he got used to very quickly. He didn't think he was one for relationships. But in the 2 weeks or so of being your boyfriend, he thanked the gods everyday, especially when he knew you two had something planned that day. Skatepark date? JJ was barely paying attention to the trick you were trying to teach him, too focused of the way your voice sounded when you explained or the way you moved gracefully on the board. Beach date with his friends? god, he was already done for when he thought about you in a bathing suit, tanning while reading a book. He was actually free-falling.

He buried his nose and lips in your neck, his eyes closing as he inhaled your scent, your skin hot and soft against his mouth. He let out a warm sigh, his hand on your thigh moving higher, his fingers slowly tracing your skin. His body was practically overheating with the need to be closer, to touch more of you, his heart beating faster and faster as he slowly lost his mind over you. Your hand massaging his scalp and your scent filling his senses. He never realized how touch deprived he actually was until he met you. He wanted your hands on him at all times. Holding his hand, playing with his hair, kissing his cheek. JJ wanted everything.

"That feels nice.." you mumbled, turning to gaze at him momentarily over your shoulder. The feeling of his lips and nose just resting against the skin of your throat felt warm and nice, returning your attention back to the movie but still raking your hand through his hair mindlessly and affectionately.

Your words and your touch made his brain short circuit. He swallowed hard, trying to find his voice to reply to you. When he finally spoke, his voice was shaky and hoarse, gruff sounding and rough around the edges. He wanted to stay on the course he'd promised and behave while you watched the movie... but the feel of your fingers gently scratching at his scalp and your soft skin under his hand was quickly breaking down that resolve.

"Yeah," He managed to rasp, "it does."

His hand on your thigh slowly started to wander, moving higher and higher, tracing shapes and patterns on your skin, inching closer to the hem of your shorts. He gently nipped the skin of your shoulder, his mouth opening and gently sucking at the place he'd bit. He was completely lost to the sensation of you, drowning in it, addicted to it.

You let out an involuntary sigh, the sound akin to moan but not quite when he nipped at your shoulder. You didn't even realize it because you continued to watch the movie, chiming up after a few moments, "are you okay? you sound weird and you're awfully behaved."

JJ bit back a gasp as you let out that soft sound, something between a sigh and a moan, the sound making the already aching heat in his lower stomach grow hotter, harder, more urgent. God he wanted you so badly. Your scent, your skin, your voice, the way you were sitting against him, blissfully unaware at the effect you were having on him, driving him absolutely crazy. He was barely hanging on by a thread.

"I'm fine," He responded in a hoarse whisper, "just... really enjoying the movie."

"I didn't annoy you did i?" you turned to look at him over your shoulder once again, a small and concerned frown tugging at your lips over the thought that he was irritated with you.

JJ almost groaned at the look on your face, your pout so soft and cute, looking so damn innocent. How the hell were you completely oblivious to what you were doing to him right now? How were you so damn beautiful and cute and making him so damn hard right now....

He shook his head, trying desperately to find a coherent thread of thought to say something to you in response. He was so beyond words right now, all he could do was just stare at you with his mouth slightly open.

"Are you sure? I didn't irritate you when i was being scolding?" you asked, still frowning at him over your shoulder, worried at the lack of response."I just really wanted to show you this movie, it's my favorite.."

JJ let out a short, quiet laugh, your question completely breaking his train of thought. In his head, he was practically begging you to stop and let him go back to being a mindless, obsessed, horny, hot mess. Your innocence was just driving him absolutely crazy right now, in more ways than one.

"No- I- no, it's fine." He choked out, barely managing to form words, he needed you to stop worrying. "The movie is great.. interesting uh.. plot."

He took a shaky breath, desperately trying to calm down and get control over himself, but you were making it damn near impossible. You're touch, your voice, your innocent questions were driving him crazy. He needed more of you, but he wasn't going to take, not yet. He had to get himself under control first.

"Please.... Can you just - can you just watch the movie. Please." He pleaded in a hoarse whisper, his body trembling a little.

"Okay.." you smiled slightly, going back to watching the movie, your hand resuming its movements in his hair lazily after adjusting your glasses. He was acting weird, but you weren't going to question it. He was being awfully quiet though. A bit worrying for JJ Maybank.

JJ took a shaky, uneven breath, trying to calm himself down, trying to control the aching heat in his body. Your gentle hand in his hair was making him insane though. He was struggling, he needed to let out all of this tension and heat pent up inside him, but he didn't want to take advantage of you... He had to get a grip on himself. But he was so hard, damn it was painful. He bit back a whimper as he let out a frustrated, quiet huff.

JJ was at his limit now. There was no way he could take this without going insane. He needed you desperately, he needed you right now. He gave a strained sigh, leaning down and burying his nose in the back of your neck, taking deep lung-fulls of your scent, trying to use it to calm himself. It was the wrong move, he got more worked up by the second and you were still blissfully unaware.

His hand on your thigh slowly inched higher, his fingers sliding under the fabric of your shorts. His breath was coming faster and shorter now, in little pants, as he tried desperately to get control of himself. He needed to stop, he was slowly losing the self restraint he'd been holding on to. He wanted you so badly, wanted you in every dirty way he could imagine... but he couldn't be his usual selfish, impatient self. Not when you were so damn fragile and beautiful. Not when he loved you as much as he did.

You turned to gaze back at him over your shoulder, as if feeling the tension radiating from him, but you thought he was tense because he was irritated at you. So you smiled almost cautiously at him, pressing a small kiss on his cheek briefly hoping to ease his irritation. You liked that you could just.. kiss JJ. Or touch him. He was more than glad about that too, the two of you making one hell of a touchy feely couple.

He was fighting a losing battle. Your gentle kiss on his cheek only made it worse, his need for you was driving him insane. He needed to focus on you, your smile, your kiss, your soft skin, your sweet, naive innocence. Anything but the way your scent was driving him crazy.

He had to admit though, he enjoyed your soft gesture, as brief and innocent as it was. He loved the way you were so pure and sweet. He loved how unaware and clueless you were to the way your touch and kisses affected him.

"You're so pretty.." you mumbled, still smiling at him, "I'm sorry for irritating you."

And that just about sent him over the edge. Your innocent little compliment, the way you seemed to think you were irritating him, when it was actually far from the truth. His restraint was hanging on by a damn thread now. He could feel himself reaching the breaking point, he wanted to just throw the movie out the window and take you right then and there. The only thing stopping him was you and your soft, sweet innocence...

His hand on your thigh was almost to the hem of your shorts now, his fingers tracing the sensitive skin of your upper thigh. His other hand was still in your hair, the one not at risk of wandering down someplace else. He took a shaking breath, trying to find his voice to respond.

"You're not... God, you're not irritating me." He managed to say in a low, shaky voice, the words sounding both like a gasp and a whisper simultaneously.

"You just became quiet suddenly.." you mumbled worryingly shifting so you were laying on your back, propped up by your elbows.

The sight of you laying on your back now, looking up at him while propped up on your elbows, was almost enough to make his brain short circuit again. He had to bite back a gasp as he gazed down at you, taking in the sight of you. The way your hair was framing your face, your innocent, concerned expression, your soft lips, gazing at him, the way your shirt, or his shirt, was slightly too big and was bunched up at your midriff, letting skin show... He suddenly regretted making you wear his shirt when he took it off.

He clenched his jaw, forcing himself to focus on the conversation, on your words, and not on the way he was being slowly and surely driven insane by you. He took a deep, uneven breath before replying, his voice coming out in a low, almost strained whisper. "I... I just wasn't enjoying the movie I guess... I just... got lost in my thoughts."

"Something bad?" you asked raising your brows, "we can do something else... if you're not enjoying the movie."

JJ had to force his gaze to remain on your face and not wander down your body, but it was getting more and more difficult. You were so damn distracting, and you weren't even trying. He took a few shaky breaths, trying to steady himself, his mind practically begging himself to just grab you and not let go. He shook his head, answering you in a strained voice. "No- no. Don't worry about it. Just watch the movie... I'll be fine."

"It's fine.. you know what i wanna do? I need you to help me with something.." you reached to pause the movie looking back at him to smile affectionately.

He raised a brow questioningly as you paused the movie, wondering what your going to ask, his mind still being consumed by what had been happening previously. But the affectionate smile on your face gave him some more much needed focus. He leaned down a little in response, giving you his full attention. "What do you need help with?"

"Okay this is gonna sound dumb and stupid.." you sighed, your face souring in a bit of embarrassment.

JJ shook his head, smiling a little, you could never say anything that he would think was dumb or stupid. He placed a hand on your arm, gently rubbing it in an affectionate gesture.

"No, it's not, just tell me. Anything." He'll do right about anything for you at this point.

"Okay so... i need you to let me put on some lipstick and kiss you all over your face.. and then i need to take a few pics of it.." you smiled awkwardly, suddenly regretting the way the request was sounding.

JJ's eyes widened at your request, his lips parting in surprise. He had not been expecting that at all, but it didn't mean he didn't like the sound of it. The thought of your lips and lipstick all over his face, your gentle touch as you applied it, having tangible proof of it in the form of photos... he liked it, he liked it a lot, more than he should. "Are you sure?" He asked, raising a brow.

"Well i wanna paint it.. so yeah." you smiled gently, thinking he was probably weirded out by your request to paint him.

JJ nodded slowly, thinking, his gaze on your face. His imagination was going wild at the thought of this, of you putting on lipstick and kissing all over his face while he tried to keep some amount of composure. But you hadn't even noticed the state he was in, how badly he wanted all of that from you.

"Okay... Sure." He said finally in a low voice, silently praying he could keep himself under control and behave like a gentleman while you did whatever you wanted to him. That was worded wrong in his head, because the thought of you doing whatever you wanted to him was-.. no he had to focus here.

You stood up from the bed, walking over to the vanity in your room, grabbing a red liquid lipstick, studying the color intently before walking back to the bed and reaching in your nightstand for a small pocket mirror. You applied some of the lipstick on your lips, scooting over to him and straddling him, "okay i know it looks silly.. just bear with me okay?" you asked awkwardly.

JJ's heart pounded as you straddled him, your body moving over his, a warm and heavy weight, your thighs on either side of his hips, your legs resting on the bed on either side of his. He quickly had to take a few slow breaths, trying to ground himself and keep his thoughts from running rampant. The sight of your red stained lips was so distracting because all he wanted was to ruin the lipstick, he wanted to kiss you so badly, he desperately needed to feel them.

"It's fine.... I trust you." He said in a strained voice, looking up at you with a half-lidded gaze.

You nodded excitedly, leaning down and pressing a tentative kiss on his cheek. As you pulled back, you noticed the kiss mark already beaming on his skin. Smiling, you repeated the process, planting soft kisses all over his face. His cheeks and forehead soon became a canvas of lipstick stains, each one a testament to your affection. He closed his eyes, savoring the tender moments, while you continued to cover his face with delicate, loving imprints.

JJ's mind was going insane at the feeling of your lips against his skin, soft and warm, your gentle, innocent kisses. But that combined with your body straddling him, the weight and warmth of you on top of him, was almost too much for him to take. He needed something to ground himself with, something to focus on, something to keep himself under control. He brought both his hands up, letting them rest on your hips, the familiar shape and softness of them giving him some amount of focus.

"You're so pretty..." you mumbled, pouting affectionately at him as you gazed at the marks of your lips scattered across his face messily but beautifully.

He could feel his cheeks blushing at your innocent compliment. He had been called a lot of things, but no one had ever called him "pretty", no one ever looked at him with that affectionate look on their face. He was used to being considered good looking, attractive, hot, but never pretty or beautiful. Your innocent expression as you gazed at the mess of red lipstick marks on his face was almost too much for him to take. He felt adored, treasured, cared for and he had to hold himself back from just taking you right here and now.

He looked up at you, his eyes searching your face, taking in your expression, the look in your eyes, the way your lips were curled up in a small smile and stained in red. His fingers tensed slightly on your hips as he tried desperately to control himself, to keep himself from grabbing you and having his way with you, to keep himself from letting out a low moan at the sight of you. He licked at his lips, his throat feeling dry as he spoke, his voice coming out in a low, hoarse whisper. "Are you done yet...?"

"Mmmm... no. I need to kiss you-.. i mean i already have but like kiss kiss you.." you chuckled, pushing your glasses up and cupping his face gently.

JJ's heart skipped a beat at your words, the way you said them in an almost dreamy, innocent way, like a child almost. He knew what you meant, but hearing you say it like that made his mind spin. And the way you were now cupping his face, your hands so soft and gentle, made his want for you increase tenfold. He took a shaky breath, trying to steady himself as his hands gripped your hips a little tighter. "Kiss me... then."

You complied, leaning down smiling against his lips as you kissed him, almost shyly, despite having kissed him so many times already since you started dating.

JJ's mind almost went blank the moment he felt your lips against his. Everything else faded away, all of the tension and heat coursing through him focused solely on the feeling of your mouth against his, the warm, soft sensation of your lips, gentle and innocent. And the realization that despite having kissed you so many times by now, you still kissed him shyly as if it was your first time, this thought drove him insane, made him fall more and more in love with you, if possible.

He responded to the kiss hungrily, his hands on your hips moving to your lower back, pulling you closer to him, wanting to feel you more, wanting to hold you closer. A low moan rumbled at the back of his throat as the kiss grew more passionate, more intense. He could feel his head spinning from the feeling of you against him, the soft, sweet taste of your mouth, he needed more.

You took the kiss in stride, despite how shy and flustered you actually were, your fingers splaying on his skin as you cradled his jaw, pulling him closer to you and slipping your tongue between his lips gently.

JJ's breath hitched as he felt your tongue slip into his mouth, a low gasp escaping his lips as he felt his self-control slipping away. He gripped you tighter, needing to feel you, his mind drowning in the sweet taste of you, lost in the feeling of your tongue against his, the way you were cradling his face like it was the most precious thing to you. He was quickly losing himself in the kiss, he was quickly going insane.

He tried to pull away for a moment, desperately needing to come up for air, but you wouldn't let him, your grip on his face, your tongue in his mouth, was too much for him to resist. So he gave up, he leaned into you fully, letting his hands slip under your shirt, needing to feel more of your skin, desperate for it. He let another low moan escape his lips as his mind started to go blank.

You hummed, shifting onto his lap so you could straddle him better, kiss him better, your body arching into his hands desperately, absolutely relishing in the feeling of his hands roaming over the small of your back and ribs.

He broke the kiss for a moment, needing air, and he took this time to gaze at you, to take in the sight of you sitting on his lap, your face flushed, your lips stained red with lipstick, your shirt slightly pushed up to reveal bare skin underneath, his name on your shirt. He took a few shaky breaths, his mind barely even registering the words that came out of his mouth next.

"Christ I- I need you, Y/n."

"Hold on.. i-.. well, i need to take the picture and you wanna... while having lipstick stains all over your face?" You asked, panting slightly and reaching to adjust your glasses shakily and timidly.

JJ almost growled aloud at the interruption, his mind still hazy, still fully consumed by his want and need of you. But he took a few deep breaths, trying to force himself to clear his thoughts so he could think, so he could focus and pay attention. He let his hands remain on your lower back as he leaned his forehead against your shoulder, nodding quietly.

"Yeah.. Yeah. You're right. I just-" He let out a shaky breath, his voice coming out in a low, strained whisper.

"I just really need you right now.. like, really bad."

"It's okay... you're just so pretty i need you too... but i wanna get a picture at least.." you mumbled, fidgeting nervously and cupping his face once again.

JJ let out a low sigh, lifting his head to look at you, his eyes gazing into yours, taking in your adorable, shy, innocent expression. The sight of you fidgeting nervously combined with your words of calling him "pretty" and saying you needed him, it nearly sent him over the edge again, his hands gripping your waist more firmly. "Okay.. okay... you can take the picture. But after that I'm gonna need you... right away. Got it?"

You smiled shyly down at him, still gazing at his face which was covered in your lipstick marks, "But what about the lipstick stains? do you not want me to take it off?"

He looked up at you, taking in your shy, sweet smile, the way you were looking at his face, the way you were still straddling him, the feeling of your body underneath his hands. He was barely holding himself back from doing what he wanted to do to you right this moment, but he somehow managed to keep his voice relatively steady as he responded to you. "I don't care about the lipstick stains... they can stay on. I just- I really, really need you right now."

You let out a huff of laughter at his eagerness, reaching for your camera on the nightstand and turning it on, adjusting the settings a little and gazing at him through the viewfinder, "Okay... just smile or something... i need the picture to look good.."

JJ tried to focus on your instructions, taking a deep breath and attempting to give you a decent smile, but he was struggling. He was still fighting back the need and want for you, the thought of having you in his arms, having you close, kissing you, touching you. Being inside of you. It didn't help that you were sitting on his lap either, your body so close, so warm, your weight a heavy, teasing pressure on him. He managed to keep his eyes trained on you though, waiting for you to take the picture.

You nodded and hummed at his small smile, the sight of him smiling up at you, still covered in your lipstick and the shapes of your lips mesmerizing you for a second, snapping a couple of pictures and lowering the camera. "That was good..." you mumbled timidly and nodded.

JJ let out a low, shaky sigh the moment the camera was out of the way, closing his eyes for a moment, trying to regain control of himself, trying to stay grounded in the moment that was happening. But it was too much, he needed you, he needed you now, and the feeling of having you on his lap wasn't helping at all. "Good... that's good then. Can I have you now?"

"Yeah.." you chuckled, already feeling flustered at his words and the way he was looking at you (quite frankly like he wanted to devour you), placing the camera back on the nightstand and cupping his face.

As soon as the words left your mouth, JJ pounced on you. He grabbed you, pulling you down and flipping you over so you were lying underneath him on the bed. He pinned you down, trapping you beneath his body and he began immediately pressing frantic, messy kisses all over your face, marking you, claiming you, his hands grabbing, roaming all over your body.

You grabbed your glasses off your face, setting them don on the pillow next to you, cupping his face, which was still covered in the lipstick marks. Your lips were probably smudged with the remnants of it too, giggling weakly as he kissed all over your face, his hands slipping under your t shirt to grab at your breasts or roam over your waist and ribs.

JJ only became more frantic with his kisses as soon as you started to giggle. The feeling of your hands on his face, the sound of your laughter, the way you were responding to his touch, it drove him into a frenzy, his body nearly trembling from his need for you. The feeling of your skin under his hands as he pushed your shirt up made his head spin. "You're so soft.. so warm... I need you.. I need you so damn much."

You hands slipped from his jaw into his hair softly, running your fingers through it. Your whole body felt like it was on fire, along with your face as he continued to kiss and grab at every part of your body he could reach, "You look so pretty.. you still have my lipstick all over your face.." you mumbled quietly, still chuckling from time to time from the ticklish feeling of him kissing you messily.

JJ let out a low, guttural groan when he felt your fingers running through his hair, his body shuddering under your touch. The sound of your voice calling him pretty, the way you chuckled from the feeling of his kisses, it was driving him completely insane, his mind spinning with desire for you. He barely registered your words amidst his haze of need, but the mention of your lipstick made him pause for just a moment, lifting his head slightly to look down at you. "Yeah? You like how I look with your lipstick all over my face?"

"Yeah.. you look like.. i don't even know.. you're just so pretty." you nodded in response, locking eyes with him as soon as he lifted his head, a small smile tugging at your lips. His skin was flushed and his hair was messy, lipstick marks scattered over his face, making your breath catch in your throat from how jaw-droppingly gorgeous he was standing above you, kissing you with such fervor.

JJ let out a low hum as he looked down at you, taking in the sight of you lying beneath him, your hair spread out over the pillow, your smile, your eyes locked with his. He took a moment to just gaze at you, letting himself bask in your presence, the way your soft, sweet voice telling him he's pretty felt like music to his ears.

"I'm not the only pretty one here... you're beautiful. Absolutely beautiful..."

He let his eyes roam over your face, taking in every detail, every feature, every contour, his gaze eventually zeroing in on your lips, on the red stains of lipstick that no doubt covered them now. The sight of it made him shiver with desire, his mind swirling with the thought of your lips on his, of your kiss. "Your lips though... they're so goddamn pretty... I can't get enough of them..."

You chuckled once again, the sound mostly a flustered reaction instead of one of amusement, lowering his head so you could kiss him, your arms wrapping around his neck loosely.

The moment your arms wrapped around his neck, JJ practically melted, a deep, guttural moan escaping his lips, his body shuddering as he leaned down to meet your kiss. His hands clutched at you, seeking out skin to touch, seeking out more of your body to claim. He let himself get lost in the feeling of your lips on his, the taste of your kiss, the way your breath mixed with his, his mind going completely blank.

You deepened the kiss almost timidly, one of your hands moving to the back of his head, tangling in the hair there lowering his head even more, the other still wrapped loosely around his neck.

JJ couldn't hold back a low gasp as he felt you deepen the kiss, your hands on his hair and neck sending shivers down his spine. He pressed himself even more firmly against you, his body nearly shaking with need, desire, want. He wanted to be as close to you as possible, as close as he could possibly get. He let out another guttural moan into the kiss, his hands trailing down your sides,

You followed suite, letting out soft and quiet moans as the kiss grew more heated, your hand still tugging at his hair, playing with it mindlessly, your legs wrapping around his middle loosely to lower him down on top of you even more, liking the weight of his body pressing you down into the bed.

JJ's whole body trembled at the feeling of your legs wrapping around him, his mind going completely blank as you pulled him down on top of you. He needed you closer, he needed more, he needed all of you. He broke the kiss, his breath coming in short gasps as he ducked his head down to your neck, trailing kisses and sucking light marks against the sensitive skin there, his hands roving all over your body, restless and desperate

He mumbled your name, the word coming out as a low, raspy whisper against your skin, his voice low with need and desire. His lips and tongue continued to make their way down your neck to your collarbones, leaving more marks, claiming, owning, needing. His hands still moved all over, grabbing, clutching, caressing, needing to touch more, to feel more of your soft skin under his palms.

You hummed in response when he mumbled your name, still clutching at his hair, soft gasps escaping your lips as he kept biting and kissing your neck messily, writhing your body gently under him.

JJ let out a low, guttural moan as he felt your body moving under him, the sound vibrating against your neck as he continued to mouth and kiss your skin. He could feel himself going completely insane, his head spinning as his mind focused solely on you, on the way you were responding to him, the way you were letting him mark you as his, the need to have as much of you as possible, as if you could somehow ease the burning need inside of him, as if you were the only thing that could.

"What..?" you asked breathlessly, a small huff of air escaping your lips along with soft quiet moans, your hands grabbing at his hair, shoulders or just running over his back slowly.

JJ pulled back from your neck, raising his head to look down at you, his breaths coming in short gasps, his eyes locking with yours. He took in the sight of you beneath him, your hair splayed against the pillow, your face flushed, your eyes half-lidded, your lips parted, their shape slightly smeared with the remnants of the lipstick he left on your lips when you kissed. He was pretty sure that he looked a mess but he didn't care, the only thing on his mind was the way you were letting him kiss you, the way you were letting him make you his.

He couldn't find his voice, his words caught in his throat as he stared down at you, his body shaking as he tried to regain some semblance of control. However, the more he gazed down at you, the more he felt his control slipping away, his need for you growing stronger by the second. He leaned down, his lips hovering just above yours, his voice barely a whisper "More.. I need more of you... I need all of you... please.. "

You swallowed hard, your eyes peering into his, flustered and aroused, your brows knitting up ever so slightly, "well... do you-.. do you have a condom?" you stuttered gently, whispering the words against his lips.

The question knocked any remaining air out of JJ's lungs, the sound of your whisper against his lips sending shiver down his spine. A low growl escaped him, his body trembling as his mind tried to process your words, his hands clutching at you desperately. "A condom? Uh.. yeah.. yeah, I have one... oh fuck.. I have one.."

He reached over to the bedside table, grabbing his wallet and rummaging through it. It was a struggle to pull himself away from you even for a moment, the feeling of you under him, your body so warm, so soft, the way you were letting him claim you, it was driving him insane. He pulled out a condom and held it in his hand, hesitating for a moment, trying to calm his racing heart.

He fumbled with the packaging for a second before he was able to rip it open, his hands nearly trembling too much to open the condom properly. He didn't even bother with trying to put it on himself, he just grabbed your hand and placed it in your palm, his eyes locked with yours, his body still shaking as he spoke, his voice hoarse and low "You... You put it on me... I'm too... too goddamn flustered right now..."

"Me?.." you choked out, also flustered your brows raising letting out a nervous chuckle as you gazed down at the condom in your palm.

JJ chuckled softly at your flustered expression, the sound coming out a bit shaky, his eyes raking over your face as he watched you look down at the condom in your hand. He leaned down, his face hovering just above yours, his breath warm on your face. He placed a gentle, soft kiss on your cheek, his hand gently caressing your face "Yeah, you... I can't trust myself to do it at the moment. And I'm way too worked up, I'll just mess it up.."

You fidgeted ever so slightly, growing more flustered, your left hand reaching to untie the laces of his sweatpants shakily, flitting your gaze from your hand was to his eyes.

JJ let out a shaky exhale as he felt your hands on his pants, his body trembling at your gentle touch. He watched you through half-lidded eyes, his own gaze darting back and forth between your face and the way you were untying his sweats. He tried to breathe steadily, his breaths still coming in short gasps as he spoke, his voice low and hoarse

"Y-you're really gonna have to do most of the work here.. I'm too much of a mess.."

"Okay.. that's-.. that's fine.." you replied to him, your gaze darting back down, your hand dipping beneath the waistband of his sweatpants, pulling him out of his boxers gently, your other hand trembling as you rolled the condom down, your eyes darting back up to watch his reactions.

His breath grew even more ragged as he felt your hands on him, his head tilting back slightly as he let out a low, guttural moan, his body shuddering under your touch. As soon as the condom was on, his eyes opened and he looked back down at you, his breaths coming in short gasps, his mind fogged over by need and desire.

"F-fuck.. that feels.. so good... your hands on me.. oh god..."

Your breath shuddered slightly, your hand moving up and down his length hesitantly, still focused intently on his reactions and words, which were a bigger turn on than you ever thought.

JJ's eyes nearly rolled back into his head as he felt your hand on him, his hips twitching involuntarily.

"Oh fck... yes, keep.. keep doing that... oh God.... your hands.... they're so soft... so good..."

His hands fisted into the bedsheets, his breathing growing more and more ragged, his mind slowly turning to mush, the only thing he could focus on were your hands on him.

You hummed mindlessly nodding, your hand moving along his length, darting down to watch your own hand with timid awe, gnawing on your bottom lip. Not only did he sound good, but the way he was basically melting on top of you just from the feeling of your hand was arousing you beyond belief.

His eyes fixed on your face, watching you watch yourself touch him, his mind nearly snapping at the sight of it. Every time your hand moved he felt like he was losing a bit more of his sanity, his whole body shaking with need, his breaths coming in short, ragged gasps between moans and groans.

"I... God... I need you so bad... I can't even... fck... I can't think straight... I just need.... I need you... need to be inside you.. please baby..."

"Yeah.. yeah, sure" you nodded frantically. You felt almost hesitant to pull your hand away from him to take off your pajama shorts, shrugging them off awkwardly and in a hurry.

JJ's whole body trembled as he watched you struggle to remove your shorts, his face turning a deeper shade of red as he realized he needed to move so you could get them off completely. He shifted slightly, getting on his knees as he tried to keep his thoughts coherent and his shaky hand steady as he helped you pull your shorts entirely.

"Sorry... I'm a mess already... I can't believe I'm this worked up just from your touch."

You chuckled, watching him actually blush, somehow becoming even more flustered yourself, now left only in your underwear, propping your self on your elbows gently, "don't worry.. it's kinda hot.." you spoke quietly smiling at him.

JJ's breath hitched as he took in the sight of you, his eyes roaming over your body, practically drinking you in. His gaze darkened as his eyes stopped at your thighs, swallowing hard as he reached a trembling hand out to gently caress them, his mind completely blank as his eyes met yours again. "You're... You're so pretty... God."

He continued to caress your thighs, his hands moving further up, his fingers gently tracing the lace of your underwear, his gaze unwavering as he looked into your eyes. "Can I... can I take these off you too? I... I need to touch you... everywhere."

"Yes.. but can i keep my t shirt on..?" you nodded. Despite dating JJ for almost a month now, you still felt kinda shy to be completely naked in front of him. Besides this was the second time sleeping together, like actually, aside from getting handsy and whatnot.

"Of course... yeah, sure... you can keep the shirt on." He smiled softly and reassuringly at you, a sense of tenderness seeping into his voice as he spoke. He didn't dislike the idea, especially since it was his shirt he got to fuck you in.

"I just... I just want to be as close to you as possible... I need... I need to have you close." He gently pulled your legs open slightly, shifting in between them.

"You don't mind right?" you asked, your brows furrowing, not sure if anticipation or mild concern, your hands reaching up to cup his face.

He chuckled lightly and leaned into your touch, shaking his head. "Of course not. I just want you to be comfortable. I don't care if you keep your shirt on, it's not gonna change how much I want you right now."

His hands moved up your thighs, slowly reaching the edge of your underwear, his thumbs caressing lightly over the lace, getting ready to pull the panties down.

His gaze was fixed on you, watching how you trembled slightly under his touch, how your lips pressed together like you were trying to hold back. Slowly, he hooked his thumbs to the waistband of your underwear, ready to slide them down. However, he paused, his eyes searching yours for permission. "You okay... if I take these off, right?"

"Yeah.. of course.. i, uh.. i want you to." you mustered up the courage to mumble the last part as you nodded, your eyes fixed on his fingers hooked around the waistband of your underwear, the sight so mesmerizing in a weird way. You looked up at him, lifting your hips gently, so it was easier to slide the underwear off.

His breath caught in his throat. It was hard to tell who was more nervous, you, or him. When you lifted your hips to make it easier for him to pull them off, he had to do everything in his power to keep himself together, not to completely lose his mind at the sight of you underneath him, at the look in your eyes, at how open and vulnerable you were being with him, letting him see you like this. "You're... you're so beautiful..." he almost whined out.

His voice was low and a little shaky, his hands moving down to caress your thighs again once he has taken your underwear off. His gaze darted between your eyes and the space between your legs, his breaths coming in short gasps as he tried to keep his composure.

"I... I just... I need you so bad right now... It's like I'm completely losing my mind with how beautiful you are and how badly I need to be inside you."

You inhaled a shaky breath, feeling a little exposed once the panties were completely off, but mostly aroused from how he was speaking to you. His words although a little lewd, they were kind of tender, like his usual way of talking to you, of course. It was strangely pleasant how that also mirrored to when he was horny and needy. You pressed your lips together, looking up at him in anticipation and nervousness, your face probably flushed given how warm it felt.

As you looked up at him, and saw the expression on your face - nervous, a little flustered, but also filled with want and need... he was done for. He leaned down, pressing his body against yours, his lips grazing over the sensitive skin of your neck just below your ear, his voice a low, rough whisper against your skin. "It's okay... I got you. I'm gonna take care of you. I'll go slow, alright?"

"Yeah.. sorry.. i don't even know why I'm nervous.. you're my boyfriend after all.." you chuckled awkwardly and breathlessly, your arms wrapping around his neck loosely as he positioned himself between your legs, the action causing him to brush against you gently, earning a shudder of pleasure from your body.

"Hey... don't worry about it. I'm nervous too, actually.. I don't know why, this isn't the first time we've done this, but... it just feels different this time. I just can't stop thinking about how beautiful you are.. how good it's gonna feel... I don't wanna mess this up, you know.. I don't wanna hurt you or anything.."

He gently caressed your hip, his lips leaving a soft trail of kisses down your neck, his breath warm and ragged against your skin.

"You're nervous too?" you asked in slight disbelief. The idea seemed a bit funny, given how confident he usually was, or how many times he did this in the past with other girls.

He smiled against your skin, his breath warm against you as he spoke. It was a bit funny, yes, to think of him in this situation, being nervous when he's always so confident. He wasn't used to that... except when it came to you. Something about you made him nervous, sometimes.

"Mhm... I am."

He left another soft kiss on your skin.

"I care about you so much.. I wanna make you feel good... be good to you.."

"That's so sweet.. i care about you too.." you giggled quietly, your fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck as he kissed your neck.

He hummed at your touch, his body shivering slightly at the feel of your fingers threading through his hair. He had to suppress a groan, his body already sensitive to your touch. Even the slightest graze of your fingers sent a shiver down his spine, his breaths coming in a little ragged as he spoke, his voice a little huskier than usual. "God... even the way you touch me... it turns me on so much..."

He nipped gently at the sensitive skin of your neck, his lips making their way down to your collarbone, his hands roaming over the curves of your body, his breaths growing quicker and more labored, as he continued to take in the feel of your body under him, the taste of your skin on his lips.

"You're so soft... all the right places... all I wanna do is just... just touch you all over..."

You let out small shaky moans as he nipped gently at your neck, the feeling causing your breath to catch in your throat and your skin to erupt in goosebumps wherever he touched or kissed.

He hummed against your skin, reveling in the sounds you made, feeling a sense of pride at making you shiver and moan. Your reactions set his blood aflame, his body growing hotter and hotter as he continued to explore your body with his lips and hands, his breath warm against your skin as he murmured against you.

"You like that, hm? You like the way I touch you... the way I make you feel... I love how responsive you are... it drives me wild..."

"Mhm.. i love it.." you hummed, nodding, your head tilting back against the pillow, your hands roaming through his hair, nails scraping at his scalp gently.

JJ groaned softly as your hands carded through his hair, the feeling of your nails scraping his scalp sending a shiver down his spine, straight to his core. It was an overwhelming sensation, your touch, the sounds you were making, the sight of you beneath him, completely open and vulnerable, letting him see you like this. A deep desire to bring you pleasure, to make this good for you washed over him, and he was determined to make you feel nothing but ecstasy. "Want to try something new...?

"Hmm?" you hummed once again in response, your eyes fluttering open to lock with his.

He held your gaze, his eyes dark and filled with desire. For a moment, his breath caught in his throat at the sight of you, all flushed and breathless and beautiful, lying beneath him. He had to take a moment to compose himself, to push away the overwhelming need to devour you whole, and focus on how he was gonna make sure you felt good. Eventually, he spoke again, his voice low and rough. "Turn around... get on your hands and knees for me, baby..."

You complied, given how turned on you were, the feeling overruling your shyness. Your arms unwrapped from his neck and propped yourself from laying on your back, turning around and getting on your hands and knees timidly, arching your back a little, "Good..?" you asked quietly. Although you were aroused, you still felt a little exposed, vulnerable. But all of that just melted away when you saw the look on his face, when he licked his lips and the kiss marks still littering his skin.

He inhaled a shaky breath as he watched you get into the position he asked for, his eyes growing even darker with desire. The arch of your back, the way you looked over your shoulder at him, you were just so goddamn beautiful. He took in the view of you, completely bare and open for him, before he spoke again, his voice barely above a low murmur.

"God... yeah.. so good, baby..."

He gently placed his hands on your hips, his grip firm but still gentle, his touch warm through you. He shifted closer to you, his body pressed against yours from behind, his breath warm against your ear as he reached around to cup your breast in his free hand, his other hand keeping a tight grip on your hip, holding you in place against him. "You're so beautiful like this... all bent over for me, waiting for me to touch you.."

"I don't look silly right?" you asked, chuckling breathlessly, supporting your weight on your hands.

A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips at your question. He loved how sometimes you'd get shy and insecure, even when you were a complete mess in his arms. He found it cute, but also a little frustrating because he just wanted you to understand and believe how beautiful and perfect you were.

He pressed a kiss on the skin just below your ear, his breath warm against your skin as he answered your question.

"No, baby... you look... amazing. Incredible. Goddamn perfect."

He continued to caress your skin, his hands roaming over your curves as he spoke, his voice low and rough.

"And you feel... amazing... so soft and smooth, just perfect for me, yeah...?" He pressed his lips against the back of your neck, his tongue tracing a path down to your shoulder, leaving a light trail of kisses and gentle bites.

"Yeah.." you answered weakly, nodding at his words, your body growing tight with anticipation.

He hummed against your skin, feeling the way your body tensed under his touch. He wanted to make you feel good, and he loved seeing the effect he had on you, how your body responded to his touches and kisses.

"That's my girl... god, I love how you react to me... you're so responsive..."

He continued to kiss and bite at your skin, his hands slowly moving to caress your hips, his body pressing more firmly against you from behind.

As his hands and lips continued to graze over your skin, his body pressed more firmly against yours, you could feel his growing excitement, as he grew harder and harder against you, his breaths ragged and shallow. He wanted you desperately, his need for you consuming him, but he was also focused on making sure you felt good, that he was gentle and careful with you.

"You okay, baby...?" his low, lust-filled voice whispered in your ear, his mouth still pressing kisses and soft bites on the back of your neck.

"Mhm... I'm okay.. you can-.. you can you know..." you hummed, your back arching a little more, to shy to actually say it outright that you were ready for him to be inside you now, maybe a little needy yourself too.

He took in a shaky breath as you arched your back a little more, the feeling of your body against his enough to drive him over the edge. He wanted to be inside you so damn bad, but he was also happy that you were able to express what you wanted, even if you were a little shy to say it. He leaned into your ear, his voice deep and ragged as he responded. "Yeah... I can do that, baby..."

He pulled back slightly, his hands moving to caress your hips, his thumbs tracing over your skin gently. He positioned himself behind you, one hand on your hip, the other guiding himself towards you from behind, his breaths coming in short gasps, his body tense with need and anticipation as he felt the tip of his cock brush against your slick folds. "You ready, baby...?"

"Yes I'm ready.." you almost whined, nodding as you felt him brush against you even so slightly.

Hearing your whine and seeing you nod, seeing how you were aching for him, he couldn't hold back anymore. He let out a guttural noise, almost a growl, as he slowly pushed himself inside you.

"Fuuuck.." he cussed under his breath at the feeling of finally being inside you, other words he had getting lost in his throat as he slid in so easily. You were just as turned on as he was, maybe even more and that made him insane with want.

Your head fell forward slightly at the feeling, a quiet moan escaping your lips from the back of your throat, your eyes fluttering closed for a second.

He let out another, breathless gasp as he slowly pushed all the way to the hilt causing his breathing to stutter and his heart almost stop from anticipation.

He paused for a moment, taking in the feel of you completely around him, the feel of your body against his. It was so goddamn intense, you just felt so damn perfect around him, he could've lost it right then and there.

"God, baby... this feels so good... you feel so good.."

You mewled gently, your breath quickening more than it already was. You dug your knees into the mattress, arching your body a little to adjust the position better while he paused, adjusting to the feeling of him. You spared him a glance over your shoulder, blowing some of the unruly strands of hair that blocked your vision a little. Your eyes roamed over his face, still stained with your lipstick and a look of pure need in his eyes and you were sure you could've passed out.

Seeing you glance back at him over your shoulder, that messy hair framing your face, your lips slightly parted as you panted, it was such a beautiful sight, he almost felt his knees buckle.

He took in another short gasp, his hands gripping tighter on your hips, anchoring himself to you as he braced himself. "You can't even know how beautiful you look right now, baby.... god damn..."

He pushed a few strands of hair back with a trembling hand, his eyes studying your face, the way your lips parted slightly to breathe, the flush on your skin, the way your eyes were half-lidded as you looked back at him.

He couldn't resist any longer, he had to see more, get more of you. The thought of moving, pushing himself deeper inside you, almost made him lightheaded. He had to bite back another growl, his voice barely above a whisper as he spoke. "Can I... move, baby...?"

The question hung in the air for a few moments as you adjusted fully, your head hanging low as you took steady breaths, "yeah you can move.." you mumbled quietly, surprised you could even speak given how shaky your breath was and how fuzzy your head felt already/

He nodded wordlessly at your confirmation, his hands gripping tighter on your hips as he slowly, carefully started to move, pulling himself out slightly before pushing back in, his breath leaving him in a heavy sigh.

He set a steady pace, the feeling of you around him almost too much to bear. He couldn't help the soft grunts and curses that escaped his lips every time he thrust into you, the pleasure he was experiencing was overwhelming, but he wanted more, he wanted to feel more of you, give you more pleasure. "You feel so good, baby... you don't even know.."

The position was making it feel much better, your eyes fluttered shut as you let out small choked moans every time his hips pushed forward. His palm was splayed out on your lower stomach gently, the other hand holding your hip and guiding it slowly and steadily, letting your body arch into his hands as you moved, your hands planted into the pillows for support.

He loved seeing you like this, moving into his touch, your body completely open and pliant for him. It was a sight he hoped to engrain into his memory forever, to take with him when he's alone at night, or just simply to revisit in the middle of conversations when he was bored.

Your sounds and the way you moved, the way your body arched into his touch, it was like you were made just for him, just for him to please and fill and touch. It was driving him wild, almost making him dizzy with desire, with need.

"God, baby.. you're so beautiful.. I can't get enough of you.."

Your hands were a little shaky to support your self, bending down a little and arching your back so you could support yourself on your forearms, your head burying into the pillow, your moans coming out a little muffled now.

Seeing you adjust your position, arching further down like that, your head burying into the pillows, the soft moans and whimpers you were making, it was almost too much for him to take. He had to bite back another low growl, the sight of you like that making him a little too lightheaded for his liking. "That's it, baby.. you let me know just how good I'm making you feel.."

"Feels good.." you lifted your head to mutter meekly, lips parted a little as you panted slowly, "can you go a little harder..?" you asked, the words melting into a small whimper.

"Harder?" he repeated, his voice hoarse and low. The sound of your little whimper and the thought of being even rougher with you, it was almost enough to send him over the edge on its own. He bit back a moan, his hand on your hip gripping tighter.

"You want it harder, baby? You want me to be a little rougher with you..?"

He leaned down, his chest pressed against your back, his mouth next to your ear, his hand moving to the front of your body, gently caressing your skin from waist to chest, all the way up to your face, moving a few strands of your hair out of the way. "Yeah? You want me to take you like that, baby...?"

"Mhm.." you hummed weakly, a small nod following the sound while your brows furrowed up in pleasure.. You didn't know how, or why you agreed, especially since this was the second time sleeping with him since you started dating. You wanted to get over your shyness, at least in the bedroom with JJ.

He chuckled low in his throat at your shy but eager agreement. Taking your hair in his hand, he pulled it back gently, but firm enough so your head was lifted from the pillows, looking up from the pillow. "That's my good girl, always so eager to please me, to take what I give you..."

He straightened himself back up, his eyes falling to your back, arching up against him, your face turned up towards him, your eyes glazed with pleasure. He almost got lost in the sight of you, completely vulnerable and open for him. "God, you look so sexy like this... all mine..."

He let your hair go, his hand moving back to your hips, gripping you tightly. He set a harder, faster pace, taking you just like you asked for, watching the way you moved against him, your head falling back down as he hit deeper inside you with each thrust.

"You like that..?"

His praise and compliments along with the slightly faster pace and the feeling of him hitting deeper inside you caused you to bury your face into the pillow, your stomach almost laying flat on the bed as your body arched up even further, which was surprising given you weren't this flexible usually, "love it.. " you muttered weakly, your brain fogging up to the point of not being sure if you said the words out loud or just thought them.

He let out another guttural noise, almost a growl, the sound escaping him from the back of his throat with each of, his thrusts becoming rougher, more primal as his own control slowly started to unravel.

"You look so perfect like this.. taking me so deep inside you... that's my girl.."

He could feel you arching further and further back towards him, almost lying flat against the bed, taking him even deeper, he didn't even know how it was possible. He let his hand wander over your body, tracing over your skin, caressing you gently, before resting firmly on your back, keeping you anchored against him. "You have no idea how perfect you look..." he repeated, the word 'perfect' ringing in his mind every time he gazed down at you. Your face, your sounds muffled by the pillow, his shirt still on you. All of it was making JJ see stars, even before he got to finish.

Your mouth parted open slightly, still propped shakily on your forearms, turning your head to the side a little so your face wasn't fully buried into the pillow, your soft whimpers and moans a little louder and sweeter. You knew that tomorrow you were probably gonna have one hell of a back pain, given how you were arching mindlessly like a cat. You wanted to speak or say something anything, but your brain was too fuzzy to say anything, his lewd praises echoing in your mind.

He didn't know what was better, the sight of you completely open and vulnerable for him, or the sounds that you were making. You were moaning and whimpering so sweetly, taking him so well, arching back against him, he could practically feel the way you were completely losing yourself to him. It was a sight that he knew he'd never forget, he'd be thinking about this moment often, he knew it. "You're taking me so well.."

That specific praise made you mewl gently, the sound of it so low and shaky as you could hear how lost in pleasure he was too, his southern drawl more proeminent as it went on almost making you go entirely numb. Or maybe that was because your were still arched, your lower stomach grazing the bed beneath you with every thrust, face scrunched up in pleasure, sliding your forearms under the pillow a little to support yourself better.

He looked down, admiring the sight of you practically molding into the shape of the bed, your back arched up for him so perfectly, taking him so well, he couldn't resist the urge to let his hand slide under your shirt, over the arch of your back, feeling your skin beneath his fingers, your body beneath his hands. It was heaven, almost. "God, you're so damn hot like this. arching up like that, taking me so deep inside of you.."

His words made your head swim, the low drawl of his voice, the way he was touching you, his hand moving over your body with the lightest touch, it was almost too much for you to bear. You whimpered again, arching your back up a little higher, your head dropping back down into the pillows.

"That's it, baby, arch up for me.."

If someone were to come into your room, your parents per se and see you like this, arching up like a damn cat with your boyfriend talking to you so... you didn't even have the words to describe the way he was talking to you, he was dirty but in a nice southern way. Your parents would flip, or die from shock, their sweet, timid and quiet daughter getting bent into the mattress by her boyfriend. a sight that would probably make a nun faint.

His hand was splayed across your lower stomach again, as if to feel himself inside of you while he thrusted, your whimpers and moans increasing just a little as you lifted your head a tad bit, one of your hands sliding from the pillow to brush off some hair that was sticking to your face, glancing back at him over your shoulder for a brief moment.

He smiled a little when you looked back at him, but it didn't last long, it was immediately replaced with a grunt, a gasp. That view of you glancing back at him over your shoulder, your back arching for him, it took his breath away, it made his mind go fuzzy, almost completely blank, the only thoughts left being about how perfect you looked, about how damn good you felt, spasming and fluttering around his cock. "That's my good girl.. arching so well for me..."

He let his hand slid up your back with the lightest touch, until it was in your hair, grabbing a tight handful of locks, guiding your head back up a little more, so that you were looking straight ahead, but not too much to cause you any pain.

"Mmm.. there you go.. that's it..."

Your mouth fell open slightly, your jaw a bit slack as you propped yourself on your forearms more firmly, shifting your hips side to side for a brief moment. Your moans were coming out in strings, almost dying out in your throat mindlessly. You weren't screaming or being obnoxiously loud but still this was a notch higher than your usual shy ones.

He took in your every sound, your every movement, wanting to commit it all to memory. You sounded so good, this more intense response was like a drug to him, he couldn't get enough of it, he had to hear it more. He began moving a little faster, his breath coming in short gasps, his hands gripping your hips "Yeah... yeah, that's my girl.."

He didn't even know what he was saying anymore, the words just tumbled out, all he knew was that you were making him feel incredible, and he wanted to make you feel just as good. He let his hands slide back up to your hair, gripping it tight, pulling your head back, forcing your back to arch up even further for him. "You keep arching like this and I won't last long, baby..."

"Close... 'm close.." you mewled gently, managing to speak just a little to let him know you were gonna finish. It was about damn time, you would be almost shocked if your brain wasn't so mushy from the pleasure, having lasted so long given how good you felt.

He was glad that you spoke up and told him, because he wasn't sure how much longer he would last with you like that, arched up so perfectly, taking him so eagerly. When he heard you say that though, his already fuzzy mind practically went blank, the only thing he could think of was bringing you to the edge.

"Yeah?" he breathed, his pace increasing, his fingers tightening in your hair, his thrusts becoming harder, faster.

"Mhm.." you wanted to hum in response but the hum melted into a sweet moan when your climax washed over you after a few more thrusts, your head slumping down onto the pillow as your body shook gently, thighs tensing and knees almost giving out. But you kept planted, still arching up almost if unconsciously waiting for him.

Seeing you come completely undone like that, it was the most beautiful sight he'd ever witnessed. Feeling you tighten around him, hearing the sounds you were making, he came a short while later, riding out the waves of pleasure that came with it, his grip on your hips tightening further, probably hard enough to leave a bruise. He panted, his breaths heavy, holding himself up on one arm as he leaned down over you, his body feeling weak, completely spent.

He didn't move for a few moments, just stayed there, above you, catching his breath as he came down from the high. He looked down at you, still in awe at how perfect you looked, how good you were. Finally, he slowly, gently pulled out of you, his hands going to give your hips a proud squeeze.

You let out a sigh as pulled out of you, your breathing still sputtery as you laid completely on your stomach, one of your hands reaching to brush some hair from your forehead, a sheer layer of sweat covering it, along with your back, given how your t shirt was sticking to it.

He sat back, looking down at you, a small satisfied smile on his face as he took in the sight of you. Your hair sticking to your face, the shirt clinging to your back, your legs slightly trembling from the aftermath, you looked completely wrecked and it was all his doing.

"You alright, baby?" he asked, gently running a hand over your back

"...Yeah" you replied hoarsely, turning to lay on your back, propping yourself on your elbows despite feeling completely spent. God, he looked so smug, and the sight alone would've probably gotten you pregnant. His face was still covered in faint marks or lipstick and it was the hottest sight you'd seen.

He chuckled at your hoarse answer, his hand still resting on your back, gently stroking you, feeling your body underneath his hand. "I didn't wear you out too much, did I?" he teased gently

You let out a small huff of air, the sound meant to be a chuckle, gazing up at him. You were rendered speechless, even more than how you'd be usually when you'd get shy and clam up flustered. Your back felt a little sore, along with your thighs but the feeling was dim, you knew you'd feel it in the morning though.

He laid down behind you, wrapping his arm around your waist, pulling you close, your back against his chest. He snuggled up against you, burying his face into your hair and neck, taking in your scent, feeling a strange feeling of contentment wash over him. It was a feeling he couldn't remember ever feeling before he met you. "You feel okay? Back's not too sore?" he asked, his voice soft

"Mmm... no, not right now.." you mumbled quietly, your breathing finally slowing down.

He chuckled again, holding you close, snuggled up against you, his hand gently caressing your stomach "You're gonna be sore as hell in the morning though."

"I think you broke my back.." you spoke meekly after a few moments. You took the chance to finally take your surroundings, your room coming back into focus as you gazed around mindlessly.

"Psh, you ain't broke, you're still in one piece babe." he teased, placing a quick kiss on the back of your neck

"You might not be able to move for a couple days though."

He held you closer, still snuggled up against your back, his body relaxing against you, a wave of tiredness washing over him after the whole experience "You mind if I stay here tonight?" he asked, his voice a soft murmur

"No.. of course not." you answered sweetly, letting out a soft sigh.

He smiled, burying his face in your hair, holding you a little closer as the tiredness began to overtake him. He didn't want to admit it, but cuddling with you like this, pressed against your warm, soft body, it felt nice, it felt comfortable, it felt like home, and it scared the hell out of him.

He tried to shake the feeling off, instead focusing on the moment, on the feeling of you in his arms. He took a deep breath, inhaling your scent, his eyes closing as he began to drift off.

"Night, babe."

—♡‧

A/N: I love needy men. Also hello? the sex was so romantic and dirty at the same time, didn't mean to get so horny and emotional (jk i did.) Hope you had fun reading love you all, this could've also been a valentines special, but..

Tag-list*:･ﾟ✧ @cali-888, @bee-43, @jjscoquette, @melsbels-zip, @stanseventeen @ilaurenttis

Previous | Next*:･ﾟ✧

[sycamore55]

Chapter One- The road gets tough

Vi x f!reader

Contains- fem reader, Vi & reader as teenagers, friends to lovers (adjacent), slowburn, reader is Ekko's sister/benzo's kid,

WC: 3.37k

Trigger Warning(s): violence, sexual harassment (sorta)

Summary: After you were taken in by Benzo when your parents left, you've heard all about Vander's kids, and in particular, Vi. You have yet to meet her, but that's about to change.

A/N- Hiii lovelies! So this is actually the first chapter I've ever written, so please don't come for me if it's crap 😭. Based off of the events of season 1, but this chapter doesn't contain spoilers. Mentions of baby timebomb (bc I could not shut up about them if I wanted to), some dialogue from the show

next part here ->

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The road was tough. You knew that well enough by now.

Life in Zaun was tough for everyone. Life was tough for you when your parents split in search of a better life for yourself. Life was tough when you found your way to Benzo's shop, trying to find work so you could feed yourself. Life was tough when you met the small boy who already worked at Benzo's, and took him under your wing. No complaints there though; Ekko was like your little brother at this point. He was always there to help you out and cheer you up, even though he was a few years younger than you.

Over time, the shop became a home to you. It started with small things, like the way the front door creaked faintly whenever a customer opened it, or the smell of candle wax whenever the city began to dim. Benzo, even, became like a father to you. He had taken care of you when no one else had.

But yeah, life was still tough. Especially in the undercity. And most days, you couldn't shake the feeling that you were more alone than ever.

That was, until you met Vi.

By the time it happened, you already knew of her. You knew Vander just from around the shop. He came by often to chat with Benzo, and although he never formally met you, he was hard to miss. Ekko had told you about Vander's kids. You knew there were four of them, two boys and two girls.

The youngest girl was about a year younger than Ekko, and her name was Powder. He told you the most about her out of the four. You were always curious about the other kids, but it wasn't that big of a deal.

The day you met Vi began like any other day. You got up, pulled your raggedy jacket over your shoulders, shivering slightly. You lit a candle and quietly made your way to the first floor, where the shop was, careful not to wake up Ekko as you left the small room you shared.

You opened the shop up with Benzo, and plopped down on a stool behind the counter, greeting and helping the various customers who came in to buy or sell their things. You didn't ask questions about where the customers found the items they sold.

A few hours later, Ekko switched out with you to manage the counter, and you went to go restock the shelves. You hardly paid any mind as four teenagers entered the store.

"Hi Ekko!" A high pitched voice you didn't recognize said. You kept your head down, focused on your work. You picked up a broken watch, sitting down in the corner of the shop to try to fix it.

"Hey Pow!" Ekko responded. At the sound of the nickname, you looked up from the device. The sight that met you was four teenagers that you didn't recognize. The girl talking to Ekko was the smallest, maybe about eleven years old, with blue hair pulled back in a choppy braid. There were two other boys there too, roughly about the same age as you. But the person that caught your eye was a girl, about your age too. Her short pink hair was shaved off on one half of her head, and her piercing crystal blue eyes were scanning the room.

For a split second, her eyes caught yours. You felt your breath catch in your throat as you stared at her for a moment, before quickly looking back down at the gadget in your hands. A faint blush lightly dusted your cheeks. Even if Vi did notice, she didn't say anything about it. She kept looking at you for a moment longer, before turning her head away.

When they had gone, Ekko came over to where you sat. "Why didn't you say hi to them?"

You looked up at him. "I don't know, little man. I was working on this." You help up the small gadget you had been tinkering with for him to see. He just smirked at you in response.

"So how come you were looking at Vi then?" You felt your cheeks heat up as a cheeky grin decorated his face.

"I look at most of the people who come in the shop," you responded quickly. "How come you were talking with the girl with blue hair? Powder, you said?" Your blush faded as you watched his expression fade from the cocky smile to a flustered, defensive expression.

"That's, we're not-" He cleared his throat, trying to reign in some of his embarrassment. "That's different. You don't even know Vi, but you were making googly eyes at her."

You rolled your eyes at him, shoving his shoulder. "Okay, very funny. Why don't you go hang out with your girlfriend?"

"Why don't you go hang out with yours?" He threw one last smirk your way, before heading back behind the counter. You sighed, but felt your lips purse to hold back a small smile.

You hadn't even spoken a single word to her. To be fair, you were much newer to living with Benzo than Ekko was, and he already knew all of them.

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The city was unusually quiet as Vi made her way home from Benzo's, her siblings in tail. Just like usual, Mylo and Powder made their little jabs at each other, and just like usual, Claggor sighed each time it happened. Vi didn't pay it much mind though. She kept her guard up, staying focused on the road ahead, eyeing any suspicious people she saw.

"Vi!" Her head snapped around, zoning back in as Mylo sped up to walk next to her. "So, are we taking the job or what?"

"Yeah. Probably," she sighed, using the back of her bandaged hand to brush a small strand of hair away from her eyes.

"Well, I think we should!" Powder chirped up. "Ekko said that it would be a really good job." Vi managed a weak smile for her sister, before looking forward again. She stayed silent for the remainder of the walk back.

As they approached the Last Drop, the volume of the patrons grew louder. Vi pushed the door open, letting the others walk in before her. As it thumped closed behind her, she kept her eyes down, making her way down to the basement. She sighed quietly as she flopped back down on the couch, watching the others settle into their normal places.

While they chatted, then argued, and played their various games, Vi's mind spun back to the visit to Benzo's shop, earlier that day. She knew that Benzo took care of another kid in addition to Ekko, but she had never seen you before today. It was kind of surprising that she knew Ekko so well, but had never met you before to her. The memory of your hands delicately tinkering with the watch replayed in her mind. Even though she didn't know you, she couldn't help but grow more and more curious about you. Her thoughts were cut off by a frustrated sigh from Mylo.

"What?" She asked, looking back up at the others.

"Oh nothing, just Powder causing problems. As usual," he replied with a scowl on his face.

"It's not my fault!" Powder protested.

"She left her monkey bomb at Benzo's," Claggor said quietly to Vi. Vi sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"It's fine, I can go get it for you," she mumbled tiredly.

"Now?" Mylo raised an eyebrow at her. "It's almost night." Vi pushed herself up off the couch.

"It'll be fine. I'll be back." Without another word, she headed up the stairs. Some time to herself would probably be good anyway. She had a lot of decisions to make, especially about the job that Ekko had offered them.

She felt her fists unconsciously clench, the rough bandages scraping her knuckles. As she headed back out into the street, she pulled her hood back up over her head, and kept her eyes down, focused on the ground ahead of her.

Yeah, life in Zaun was definitely tough.

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Later that night, you had gone out on a supply run for the store. Although it was dangerous to go alone at that time, you hadn't really had another option. Benzo was over at The Last Drop with Vander, but he had left a small bit of money so you and Ekko could have some food.

You kept your head down but your gaze up, and stayed on high alert as you walked over the dirt-crusted brick streets of Zaun. You pulled your thin jacket a little tighter around your shoulders as a breeze wafted through the air. You continued walking, one foot in front of the other. A small exhale of relief escaped your lips as you reached the market. Although nowhere in Zaun was relatively safe, the market was crowded, and better lit than the dark alleys you had taken to reach it.

You moved through the market, occasionally waving slightly to the vendors that you knew. It was always nice to see a familiar face, and it gave you a slight sense of comfort to know that there were some good people who actually gave a damn.

Once you had bought the food that you could manage to with the small amount of money, you stashed in the small bag you carried with you, hiding it under the wrinkles of your jacket. Noticing that the sun had set on the city, you sped up, wanting to make sure you got back to Benzo's as soon as possible.

As you turned a corner into an alley, you spotted a small group of boys up ahead. Unconsciously, your arms tensed, holding the bag tighter to your side. As you kept walking, one of the boys spotted you.

"Hey, check it out," he called to his friends, a disgusting smile on his face. Your jaw clenched as your walking speed slowed, remaining on guard as the four boys started to move towards you. You stopped as they formed a circle around you.

"What've we got here?" one of the boys practically snarled at you. You felt a cold feeling run down your spine as you heard the scratching sound of a knife being pulled out of its sheath.

Every inch of your body was screaming at you to run, to get as far away from them as you possibly could. Your hands clenched into fists by your sides as one of the boys circled you, almost tauntingly.

There were only three of them, so if you got the chance, you could run, you thought. If you had the chance. You kept your bag tucked beneath your jacket, holding onto it firmly.

"And what have you got there?" You took a step back as one of the boys traced the strap of the bag that was slung around your shoulder, smirking at you. "Care to share, pretty?"

When you didn't respond, his expression shifted to something more sour. "Cat got your tongue? We're not asking." The other two boys stayed close behind him, slowly backing you into the wall.

Before they could get any closer, you quickly took off, ducking under the boy's arm and sprinting away in the other direction. He grabbed onto your arm, but you kept running until you shook off his grasp.

Your shoulder slammed into the rough cement of the wall as you turned a corner. Your breathing grew faster and lighter as you kept running, with the group of boys running after you. You kept your feet pushing forward faster and faster. The bag swung back and forth, bumping against your hip. You kept your grip on it tight.

Suddenly, the wind was knocked out of you as you felt something crash into your back, knocking you against the wall. One of the boys pressed his elbow on your shoulder and pressed the blunt end of his knife to your throat.

"You gonna let us see what you got there now?" The boy rasped, still breathing heavily from the chase. Your heart was beating rapidly, your breath still miles ahead of you.

Still holding the knife to your throat as the other two boys caught up to where you were, he snatched the bag away from you, tossing it back to one of the other boys. You struggled to reach out for the bag, but the boy pressed the knife harder against your neck.

"She's kinda pretty, huh," one of the boys smirked. He pushed a strand of hair behind your ear, his nail scratching the edge of your jaw. You swallowed the bile rising in your throat, as the blood in your veins went ice cold.

"Yeah, she is," the other boy smirked.

Shit, you thought.

✦✦✦✦✦✦✦

Vi was walking down the lanes, still lost in her own head as she watched the shadows. For reasons she couldn't put her finger on, your face kept flashing in her mind. She didn't know why you two hadn't met yet, considering Vander had told her that Benzo was taking in another kid months ago. She had always been curious about you, and putting a face to the name Powder had told her about only heightened her curiosity.

Vi sighed, pushing the memory of your face out of her mind. She had plenty to worry about without distracting herself with mindless rabbit hole chases.

Truth be told, Vi usually had a lot on her mind almost a hundred percent of the time, and not a lot of time to get a breath of fresh air. Literally. The air in Zaun was polluted and filthy, and she hated watching her siblings have to breathe it. Powder and Mylo and Claggor, and even Ekko were the most important people in her life.

Between taking care of them, she had enough to worry about for any rational person, let alone someone her age. She was constantly trying to be the best sister she could, while figuring out how to survive in the Undercity and hoping for a better future.

She had grown up constantly looking up at Piltover, knowing that they were above her. That her place was down in Zaun. She wanted her siblings to have more than that, and she was willing to fight for it.

She would do anything to protect them, no matter what. Even if it meant fighting for them. Vi was a fighter. This was her life, and even though it was tough, she could handle it. But sometimes, in secret, when she lay awake in the dead of night, she wished that someone would fight for her too.

The whirlwind of thoughts spinning in her mind were cut off when she heard a voice cry out up ahead. Her head snapped up, some of the color draining from her face as she saw one of the boys pressing you against the wall.

Her stomach twisted in a knot as she saw you, before she quickly rushed over to you. "Hey, get off of her!" she shouted at them. One of boys snapped his head to where Vi was, and turned to face her, raising his fists in front of his face.

You heard the sickening crunch of his jaw as Vi landed a punch to his ribs, shoving him out of the way. The second boy lunged at her, throwing a somewhat sloppy punch towards her face. Vi didn't doge it, but she did tilt her head, and so most of the strength of the punch was absorbed by her face.

She staggered back a few steps, before she regained her balance and threw another punch at him. Her fist connected with his jaw, and he stumbled back, holding one hand to the side of his face.

With the knife still pressed to your throat, you watched her fight the two other boys. Although you wouldn't have expected it from looking at her, you noticed how good of a fighter she was.

Despite the gravity of the situation, you couldn't help but be somewhat entranced by how fluid her movements were, and how natural she made it all seem. As the fight continued, she took a few hits, but kept fighting. At some point the first boy's grip on the knife slipped for a split second. You felt a sharp sting on the side of your neck.

The whole time, you stayed frozen, unable to move, tears pooling behind your eyes. You could probably have tried to fight back, or push him off, but your body just wouldn't move. You were hyperventilating now, your body going into an almost full fledged panic mode. You couldn't move your arms, and you couldn't run away. You were trapped, not only physically, but inside your head.

Your mental spiral was interrupted when you felt the knife suddenly disappear from its place on your throat, and the boy who was pinning you against the wall was thrown to the other side of the alley. You watched, still in shock and unable to move, as Vi pushed him away from you. The other two boys were bloodied and bruised, and one of their noses looked crooked.

With the edge of your vision now blurry, and still faded from tears, you watched the three boys run down the alley, disappearing around a corner. Vi stayed standing with her fists clenched, watching them go, before she turned to you. You felt your legs wobbling as you wrapped one of your arms around your stomach.

When they were gone, Vi quickly turned back to you. A dark bruise was forming on her cheek, and her lip was split. "Are you alright?" she asked you, her voice surprisingly gentle. Your hands were still shaking, your heart was still pounding in your chest, and you could still feel your stomach twisted in a knot.

You couldn't manage any words, but you nodded slightly, not meeting her eyes. Your head was spinning now, as a rush of heat ran through your body.

"You're bleeding," Vi whispered quietly. She gently held on to your arm, keeping you steady and standing.

You weakly raised your palm to your neck, feeling a warm, sticky liquid dripping down onto your shirt. As you pulled your hand away, your eyes were met with the sight of red smeared on your hand. You felt a strong pulsing in your head, as your limbs grew wearier.

"Shit," Vi cursed under her breath. You felt her arm quickly wrap around your waist, pulling your limp body to crash on top of her as your world went black.

✦✦✦✦✦✦✦

end note: heyy so if you've made it this far, thank you so much! I'm about to have an insanely busy week so it might be a minute before I post the next chapter, but it will come, I promise you 🫶

next chapter

[iwantmyprizepet]

𝒱𝒶𝓃𝒾𝓈𝒽 ℐ𝓃𝓉𝑜 𝒴𝑜𝓊 - 𝘗𝘢𝘳𝘵 11/?

Summary: The kiss that got derailed. Idk I’m so nervous y’all are gonna hate this chapter I can’t think of what the hell to put here.

TW: Accident, Injury, Hospital. (No death in this fic promise.)

18+

Word Count: 10.6k

AO3 Previous Part Next Part

Expand to read the very long authors note please. 😭

A/N: I’m going to preface this with two things you all really need to know. Number one and the most important is that this was NEVER meant to be for public consumption. This was fully supposed to rot on my computer. Number two is that I was raised on watching days of our lives and other soap operas with my nana everyday so…drama and angst is just ingrained in me. I’ve been so nervous to post this chapter in fear anyone may lose interest because I KNOW it’s dragging out but…shit idk. I hope you lovely people all stick around. I promise all of the love is coming. It’s there. It’s on the way. This last part has easily been the most comments I’ve ever received and they’re all so kind and special. I feel so grateful that you all spend your time and words on this little fic. I genuinely appreciate all of you. So please PLEASE…don’t lose interest. I swear I’m not dragging it out like this to torture anyone. All of this has been written out for some time. I promise promise promise you get a kiss next chapter. - Your very nervous author, Mich.

My Royal Taglist: @morgananyx @6stolenangel9 @ahintofchaos @coffeemelko @xblinkx2

///

I woke up early, excited and mood bright. After getting dressed I packed up everything I had in my room and brought it downstairs. 

Every five minutes visions of kissing Agatha infiltrated my thoughts. It gave me shivers and a racing heart every time. 

My parents were still asleep so I fixed us breakfast sandwiches. I needed to keep moving to expel the nerves. 

A pot of coffee sat warming when I heard them start to stir. 

I poured my parents their cups fixing it how they liked. My mom appeared first and placed a morning kiss on the top of my head. Dad followed a few minutes later.

I took a bite of my sandwich, mom doing the same. “Coffee and sandwich on the counter, dad.” I said as I walked to sit on a stool at the island. 

He grumbled out an unintelligible sound. Mom fixed him a glare, mouthful of food as she chewed. 

“You married a caveman, mom.” I joked before a bite.

She scoffed with an eye roll and took a sip of coffee. “Don’t I know it.”

He turned to us. “I thought you liked that about me?” He laughed wagging his eyebrows as my face morphed into disgust.

“Oh, dad come on I’m eating here!” I added in a fake gagging noise as my mom warned him with a glare.

Laughing he picked up his coffee and sandwich. “I gotta call Charlie quick about that damn staircase on the new build.” With that he turned and disappeared into his office.

Mom and I finished our breakfast over a light chat as I tried to exorcise my dad’s comment out of my head.

It was just after noon when I was getting ready to leave. I’d packed up my car and started it to melt the ice. Dad and I had to shovel the driveway. I was sore and ready for a hot shower before seeing Agatha. Luckily the entire strip went in on plowing out the driveways and street whenever it snowed, so I didn’t have to worry about doing it at home.

My phone rang as I was saying my goodbyes to mom and dad.

Brooks. 

My eyebrows pinched in as I hit accept. 

“Hey, bud what’s up?” I asked trying to knock the concern his call placed.

“It’s Chloe.” It’s all he got out before he choked on a cry.

My heart started racing. “What’s wrong?

“I’m at the hospital. We got in an accident.” Brooks was fully crying now.

My free hand grabbed my aching chest. “Is she okay?” My eyes were welling and a panic was settling in me.

“I don’t know.” He was sobbing. “It all happened so fast. I woke up and the ambulance came and they had her on a stretcher. They say she has internal bleeding.” My heart was dropping to my gut with every word. “What hospital?”

My parents were concerned watching on, but now they both held a look of growing worry. There was really only one person it could be about and they knew it. “Uhm, the one off the exit where the old mills are. I forgot the name.”

“I’ll be there in a flash.” My parents started to get ready no questions. “Where are her parents?” 

“They’re on a fucking flight. I can’t get through. I’m sure they’ve already boarded and it’s a twelve hour flight.” 

“Okay.” I tried to still my shaking voice. “On the way, hang tight.”

I hung up and quickly explained to my parents. I was losing it with every word. In a flash I was in the backseat of my car, my parents in the front. 

The drive there passed in a blur, but also felt like a lifetime. When we made it and found Brooks, the both of us instantly collided in a hug. Sobs were wracking out of him into my shoulder. 

After a few minutes Brooks finally found some even breaths. I managed to keep a semblance of composure for him. I was destroyed on the inside.

I’d always had a hard time showing my emotions in front of anyone. That is until Chloe. I’d put up so many walls over the years. I found myself able to let people close, but never fully in. 

When Chloe walked up to the counter to apply at the cafe, she bounced in like a puppy. It was perfect timing and impossible to say no to her. 

She made her way intricately into my life like a storm. We loved each other like sisters. The idea of anything happening to her made me sick. 

Brooks explained she had went into emergency surgery just before we got there. Her spleen ruptured upon impact and was bleeding. He said she also had a couple of breaks somewhere, but the spleen was most important. 

I felt like cracking porcelain keeping it in.

My parents showed their support, mostly silent. What really could you say? They loved Chloe like family too. 

The only blood family Chloe had close enough had just left on a plane. Her poor parents wouldn’t even know until hours from now. 

Her sister, Sarah, was on the other side of the country. Brooks said she was trying to find a flight out, but she was a single mom. It wasn’t easy for her to just drop and find a flight for her and her daughter. She had just moved out to Arizona for a job opportunity not long ago. 

It all just felt so unfair. 

The waiting room settled as we waited for her to get out of surgery. My parents sat in a corner together holding hands silently. Brooks sat perched on the edge of a seat near the window, leg jostling up and down. I was pacing with my hands behind my back. Moving was the only thing keeping me together. 

Agatha crossed my mind and my throat clenched holding a cry in. All I could think is how I could let it out in front of her. How quickly she also weaved in past my walls in such a different way. 

I glanced at the clock, the time making me double take. 

Agatha. Of fucking course.

I needed to call Agatha. I needed to cancel. I needed her. 

She had texted me a couple of times, but I hadn’t looked at them.

“I need a drink.” I cleared my throat. “Can I get you something?” I asked Brooks gently.

He shook his head and shot me a teary half smile. I nodded to my parents asking them silently. 

My dad asked for a coffee, mom water and I turned on my heel leaving the room.

Weaving through the busy hospital, I made my way outside. There was a sitting area to the right out front. I tucked into the farthest corner and called Agatha with shaking clammy hands.

“Hello, darling. Still on for later?” Her voice punched in the straw I had holding myself together.

A sob erupted from me as I faced the brick corner of the hospital. 

“What’s wrong?” Her voice took on a serious drop. 

After a few seconds I choked out words. “Chloe. We’re at the hospital.” I took a shuddering breath in trying to stifle another cry. “She’s in emergency surgery.”

She gasped halfway through my sentence. “Oh, my sweet girl.” Her breath held a hitch to it. “What happened?” “I don’t know.” It came out on a cry. “Her and Brooks were driving home and they got in an accident. I haven’t even asked what happened. He’s a fucking wreck.”

I placed my free hand on the brick building, ears burning.

“Honey, I’m so sorry.” She paused her strained voice. “What do you need? Anything, just say the word.” 

I wanted to say all I needed was her but I didn’t. I knew it would break me saying it out loud. I knew she couldn’t come here and be with me. With my parents here, of course she couldn’t come. The realization made the tears come harder. 

It took several seconds, but I finally settled myself enough to respond. She waited patiently. 

“That’s okay. I don’t think I need anything.” Liar. “I just wanted to let you know for tonight.” For whatever reason that sentence strangled a sob out of me again.

“Darling, what hospital is it? I can be there in a flash.” It sounded like she was fighting back tears which made it worse.

“You can’t.” It came out in a defeated whine. “When I got the call, I was still with my parents. They drove me.” 

Silence filled her line and I felt my torso fill with an even greater ache neck down. 

What we had, hadn’t even really started. Hadn’t even really been said out loud. I couldn’t handle my parents finding out, especially like this. I wouldn’t be able to control the pull to her when I was like this. It would be so obvious what was growing between us.

“Right.” It came out short and sharp from her. “Agatha.” I pleaded out desperate for her to understand all the words that wouldn’t come out. 

“I understand.” Short again. “If you do need anything.” She paused. “Well, I can send anything over.” I didn’t know what to say. I needed her to know how badly I needed her. It just wouldn’t come out. 

“I have to go.” My free arm wrapped around my waist as if to self soothe. “I have to check on Brooks.” 

“Of course.” A sniffle sounded from her and I squeezed my ribs trying to distract from the pain swirling inside. “Anything you need. Anything at all. Anytime of day. Anything.”

It still felt wrong. It was so kind, but felt wrong. My chin was wobbling forcing down a plead for her. All I wanted was her. I wanted Chloe to be okay and to have Agatha by my side. 

After finally swallowing the lump in my throat I replied. “Sorry, I’m just.” I had to pause for another swallow. “I have to go. I’ll text you.” 

I wanted to yell of course I need you, but I didn’t. It was all too much. 

“I’ll be here. Keep me updated.” “I will.” I hung up quickly right after to try and hide the cry I released. 

I walked back in after collecting myself. There were people staring with a pity. Likely assuming they were watching someone dealing with devastating news. Crying in a hospital was never anything good. I floated the hallways of the hospital, eyes down avoiding everyone. It was loud and busy only worsening everything. There was still no update when I got back. I sipped my coffee and paced. My head was a simple mix. Thoughts of Agatha and guilt worrying about that as Chloe was in surgery. That was all I should be focused on. 

It felt like an eternity waiting in this damn room. When a doctor finally came in, she informed us the surgery went well and she was stable. 

I’d never felt more relief. She told us she wasn’t completely out of the woods yet, but stable and we could see her.

My parents stayed back in the waiting room as Brooks and I walked to the room they had placed her in. He rushed in and I hesitated at the door. 

My hand hovered at the pocket my phone was in. I felt like it would be easier, even just hearing Agatha breathing over the line. Just knowing she was with me in the moment. 

I shook my head and pushed into the room.

She looked so small in the bed. A big cast was on her left arm. There was wires all around. Her face was a little bruised and pale. Brooks held her right hand between the both of his like a lifeline. 

The cry rushed out of me like a wave crashing. I held my wrist to my mouth trying to stifle it all. Brooks dropped his head to her arm, his own body shaking with tears. 

I couldn’t bring myself to touch her. I stood near the window and watched as a hollow feeling made it’s way in. 

I couldn’t help but put myself in Brooks shoes. If it was Agatha in that bed. Not that it was the same. A pang of selfish guilt hit me again at my thoughts.

We sat and we cried as the sun started to set.

“I wasn’t driving.” Brooks broke a long silence.

He turned to me and I nodded. My throat felt dry forcing me to clear it before speaking. “Do you want to talk about it?”

His eyes closed as he breathed in and out. Chloe’s hand was still pressed between his. 

“She was mad.” He turned back to her. “Not at me. That loser uncle of hers, you know the one, misogynistic idiot. He made some comments to her the night before. She held it in for the most part until we were driving home, to keep the peace.” He paused and laughed. “We were laughing actually, when it happened. You can really only laugh at people like that, right?” He shook his head sniffling now. “She closed her eyes laughing for a literal second. I was looking and didn’t even see the black ice. The car got a little squirrelly and her front tire grabbed a huge chunk of snow. It sucked the car right in. It was like a flash and we were out of control going off the road into the woods. There was nothing she could have done. Next thing I knew I saw Chloe on a stretcher as I was pulled out. Her side is what hit. The passenger side looked untouched.” 

He held his lips to her hand, brushing them against her skin every other sentence. 

“She’s going to be okay.” I said it like it was a matter of fact, with a conviction because it had to be. Finally, I walked over and gently placed a hand on her forehead. Leaning over, I moved next to her ear. “You’re going to be okay, Chlo.” I turned and walked back to the window. 

A quiet fell on the room again. My parents made their way in shortly after Brooks told me about the accident. The clock ticked and the sun was almost fully hidden behind the horizon now.

Nurses flitted in here and there checking on Chloe. It seemed as long as she woke up and there were no more signs of the bleeding starting again, she was going to be okay. A long road to recovery, but okay. 

A nurse informed us that only one of us could stay and visiting hours were nearing an end in less than two.

I walked to my car to grab the blanket I kept in it for Brooks to have. I dug out the new pair of plain black Nike sweatpants my parents had gotten me. He usually wore a size larger than me for his height, but I knew they’d fit him apart from his ankles poking out a bit. I also fished out a pair of new socks for him and a hoodie I had in my trunk. Again, maybe would be short, but it would do until morning. After all, he was also in a car accident. I’m sure fresh clothes would help him relax a little. 

The nurse let us stay a little past visiting hours. I left with a long hug exchanged between us. I promised I’d be back as soon as visiting hours opened back up and bring him some of his own clothes from their house that actually fit him properly. 

One last look to Chloe sent a pang in me as we left.

It all felt surreal driving home. I was selfishly thinking how I couldn’t kiss Agatha now. That started the tears. How horrible of a thought to be upset about that. 

Tears clouded my vision the whole way back to my parents. They tried to get me to stay when we pulled in the driveway. It was a near fight trying to get my keys from my mom. 

I knew they were just worried about me, but it didn’t make it any less irritating. I finally got the keys with a promise to text as soon as I got home. 

It was forceful turning for the route to my house and not Agatha’s. I’d only drove there once, but the route was already memorized.

Thinking about her brought the tears on again. I white knuckled the steering wheel the whole way home. 

When I pulled into my driveway and shut off the car a long breath pushed out of me. I closed my eyes sinking in the silence for a moment. 

I sent a text to my mom before pushing out and walking up the stairs. 

As soon as I walked in the door it felt like every bit of this awful day fell onto me. I shakily pulled my phone out and hovered over Agatha’s name. It was nearing ten pm. It was probably too late. I was so terrified she wouldn’t answer. That she would be cross with me. 

I pressed call anyways and pushed the phone to my ear bracing for whatever. 

She answered instantly. “Hello, darling.”

“I’m home.” The tears already started. “I need you.”

“On my way.” She said it like she’d been waiting for it. Like it was obvious she’d come.

“Agatha?” 

“Yes, honey?” 

“I don’t want to be alone.” I had to work up the courage for a second. “Can you stay the night, please?”

“That was already my plan.” 

I sighed, shoulders relaxing. “I’m gonna shower quick. I’ll leave the door unlocked if you get here before I’m out.”

“Okay, I’ll see you in a few.”

I hung up and plugged my phone in. I grabbed sweatpants and a t shirt for bed. Everything felt robotic. My stomach was growling now. I felt so out of it.

The warm water and the knowledge that Agatha didn’t seem mad eased me a bit.

I was halfway through my shower when I heard the door. I rushed drying myself and changing after getting out. After a few deep breaths I opened the door. 

She looked perfect. Sweatpants and that damn hoodie she borrowed of mine, perfect around her. Her face was bare of any makeup, hair soft and swept by the wind. We both stared for a second. 

In sync we lurched for each other. I broke down in to her shoulder instantly. She held me tight, kissing my head and shushing me softly. Her now familiar scent was like a wave of calm washing over me.

I don’t know how long we stood like that. Every bit of pent up emotion from the day bounced out of me.

 My tears eventually stopped. Her hand rubbing my back soothing me. I felt weak, my entire weight was leaning into her and she held it so strong. 

“I brought food if you’re hungry.” She whispered into my ear. “Have you ate anything?” 

I shook my head into her shoulder. After breakfast I hadn’t ingested a thing besides coffee. My temples were pulsing with a headache. My muscles were sore from shoveling snow this morning and standing all day.

She squeezed me tighter, her hand scrunching my shirt in her fist. “Come on, you should eat something before bed.” 

I nodded. “Just give me a minute.” I pulled back and turned away heading back for the bathroom. 

After blowing my nose, I slapped cold water on my face a few times. I could hear Agatha in the kitchen warming something up with the microwave.

I looked an absolute mess. Avoiding the mirror, I put lotion on my face and went back out.

Agatha had her back to me at the counter plating something. I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her waist, pressing my cheek into the back of her shoulder. She leaned back into me. Whatever she had warmed did smell good. 

I wished this moment felt better. The excitement of her in my house, staying the night was clouded by the events. It made me sad and made me feel selfish again. 

Her hands rubbed against my arms. “Let’s go sit so you can eat.” I nodded into her but held on, not wanting to let go. I needed this all day.

A moment passed. “Want me to feed you over my shoulder?” It was a welcome, playful question. 

I smiled and laughed lightly, she sighed at it. Reluctantly, I pulled away and sat at the table. She followed and sat a plate in front of me with a glass of water.

“I had my chef make it earlier. I figured something not too hard to digest, in case you needed food at some point today.” She paused sitting next to me. “Just chicken and rice. Something easy. I hope it’s okay.” I sucked the tears in wanting to come out. I looked to her, chest swelling as I did. “It’s perfect, Agatha. Thank you.” I dug into the food, my hunger taking over. She watched me and after a moment placed her hand over the forearm I had resting on the table. 

I finished my plate off with some water and leaned back looking down. 

“There’s more, I wasn’t sure how much you’d want.” Her nails scratched lightly down my arm as she spoke. 

It sent a distracting shiver through me as I shook my head. “That was fine. Thank you.”

Her hand halted it’s movement on my arm and moved to my chin, pulling me gently to look at her. Her thumb rubbed back and forth on my jaw, the other side her pointer finger lay firm. I could feel tears threatening and building up again. 

Her forehead was lined with her own worry, but a smile peaked through. She was just starting to will a small smile out of me when my phone rang. 

Instantly, I shot up and stepped over to where my phone lay. Worried that it would be Brooks with bad news. Maybe good news.

Mom. 

“Hey mom.” I let out on a sigh.

“Hi, sweetie. I’m just checking in on you.” That persistent worry was mixed into her words.

I shrugged my shoulders trying to ease out the soreness. “Mom, you don’t have to worry about me. I’m fine.”

“I’ll always worry. It’s my job.” A slight tinge of amusement lay in her words.

I sighed placing my hand on my hip. “I think I’m just gonna get some rest, mom.” I felt bad brushing her off.

“Okay, honey.” She paused and I could practically hear her thinking. “If you need me to come over I can spend the night with you. I don’t want you to be alone.”

I almost laughed looking to Agatha out of the corner of my eye. She was up now and washing the plate I had used. 

“No, I’m good. I’m gonna go lay down mom.” I stretched and pushed into my lower back trying to work out a tinge I picked up from the day.

Agatha had snuck up behind me and placed her hands on my hips. I almost gasped at the contact. 

“Are you sure?” I could tell by her voice she was still worried.

I sighed wrapping my hand around Agatha’s wrist giving it a squeeze. “I’m positive. I’m gonna check in on Brooks one more time and go to bed. I’m beat.”

“I know.” She huffed out. “Call me in the morning, okay?” 

I nodded. “I will. Night mom.”

“Goodnight, I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I love you.” 

“Love you too, mom.” I hung up before she could plead to come over again. 

As soon as the hand holding my phone dropped, Agatha moved her hands to my lower back working at the muscles. “Your back bothering you, darling?” She asked softly hitting a particularly sore spot.

I sucked a sharp breath in, keening back into her as her thumb worked the muscle bothering me. After a moment, the muscle released a bit and I groaned relaxing back into her. Her hands slowly weaved around to my stomach pulling me tight. 

My head started racing with all the events of the past couple days. All the conversations we had. The pictures and the feelings. I let my weight fall further into her and moved my hands over her arms. 

We stood there a moment before Agatha spoke up again. “Let’s go to bed.” She said it right at my ear and my stomach lurched around the weight of it. 

Agatha used the bathroom and I followed right after. When I emerged all that was on was the soft light of my bedside lamp and the vent light above the oven. She’d flicked off all of the other lights like it was all familiar to her.

 Agatha lay tucked into my bed and I had to pause and stare. She chose the right side. I always slept on the left. I’m sure she observed the used bedside table compared to the bare one. The one that now wasn’t as it held her phone. 

She was smiling softly when my stare landed on her face. My head dropped trying to hide my smile. I walked towards the bed stopping at my side. Brooks and I exchanged a few texts. No changes good or bad since I’d left. I set my alarm for the morning and placed my phone on my own table. 

Nervously, I crawled under the covers. My whole body was holding an awareness of her. I turned the side lamp off and slid down. She did the same, a tense silence enveloping us. 

Whatever hesitation I had snapped and I turned draping myself over her. She moved with me, arm grabbing and tucking me into her. 

She let out a long sigh after a deep breath in beneath me after we had settled. My head rose and fell against her chest with the breath. I clung tighter gripping her shirt in my hand. I squeezed my eyes shut rubbing my face against the top of her chest. 

I almost leaned up and kissed her. I couldn’t. If there was even a hint of hesitation from her or unwillingness I wouldn’t be able to handle it right now. I knew there was a good chance that she wouldn’t hold back if I did, but that slight one percent was enough to strike a hint of fear. The idea that this awful day would cloud our first kiss was also a factor.

Her right arm lay across my shoulders firmly holding me against her. Her left hand rest further down my back rubbing gently. 

“Agatha.” I paused flattening my palm against her ribs. “I needed you today. I wanted you there so much. It’s just.” I trailed off running my hand up and down her side. “Complicated, but I don’t want you to think I didn’t need you today.” It had been wearing on me all day that I might of hurt her feelings on the phone earlier. Not letting her come to the hospital. I sniffled as a few tears tried to escape. “I actually needed you so bad today.”

I dug my face into her neck, hand gripping her shirt again. 

The arm around my shoulders squeezed tighter. “Honey, I’m aware. I fully understand. Thank you though. For telling me that.” She then placed a long lingering kiss to the top of my forehead. I scrunched up into her tighter.

The weight of the day clung heavy drifting me off easily in her arms.

I woke to being shifted and my alarm blaring. I adjusted to being awake and realized Agatha was holding me up and reaching for my phone. She shut off the alarm and I fell back into her heavily as she eased back down.

I groaned and buried my face in her. God, did she always have to smell so good?

“Sorry.” I mumbled into her shoulder. “How long was it going?” 

Her left hand tangled into my hair gently running her fingers along my scalp. I groaned again wrapping my arms around her snugly.

“It just went off. I woke up a few minutes before.” 

The sound of her voice rough with sleep, in my bed sent a shiver down my spine. I looked up to her then through my eyelashes. She looked absolutely perfect. Her hair slightly mussed, but perfect. Her eyelids rest heavy with sleep still and a smile tugged at the right corner of her mouth. 

“Mornin.” I croaked out turning my head to rest on her shoulder still holding her eyes.

“Good morning, darling.” 

I set my alarm for five am. Plenty of time to get ready and back to the hospital for six thirty. Well, plenty of time as long as I didn’t fall back asleep. Agatha was making that very difficult still chording her fingers through my hair. 

I caught myself drifting off again, scalp and spine tingling. I hid my smile in her shoulder and squeezed her side.

“You have to stop.” I mumbled into her shirt. “You’re gonna make me fall back asleep.”

I felt her laugh ripple through her torso. She moved her fingers down to the nape of my neck, nails delicately dancing there. My breath came out in a stutter at the feel of it.

My phone disrupted the warm moment. I instantly shot my head up grabbing it off of the blanket over her stomach. 

Brooks.

I fumbled accepting the call. “Hey, bud. How’s she doing?” I tried masking the instinctual worry.

Agatha followed me and draped her front over my back. Her arms wrapped around my waist. 

“Good, still hasn’t woke up but she’s moving more.” He sounded so tired.

I leaned back into Agatha, relaxing at his words.

“That’s good.” I let out a sigh. “Did you get through to her parents?”

“Yeah, they’re still trying to get on a flight back. Sarah’s catching a flight this afternoon.” A yawn followed his words.

“Good, I’ll be there soon alright? What do you want for breakfast?”

“Surprise me.” He said on a light laugh.

I nodded, free hand running along Agatha’s arms crossed over my waist. “Will do. Nine eight three six for the garage key pad right?” “That’s it.” It was so odd hearing him anything but happy and energetic.

“I’ll be there in a bit.” I assured him. 

“Alright, see you soon.” 

“Yep, I’ll text when I’m leaving your place.”

It was five fifteen when I hung up. I knew I had to get up, but pushed Agatha and I back into the mattress anyways. Time was passing quickly as we lay there. I still had to get ready, had things to do and stuff to grab before I headed back. The dread of being in a hospital again all day was dancing around my chest. Agatha’s fingers gently dragging across it were nearly easing it.

“You’re gonna have to force me up.” I croaked out with closed eyes.

A low and gentle laugh sounded from her as she pushed us both up. “Go on.” Her arms dropped from around me. “Go get ready, darling.”

I let out a dramatic groan and flopped to the side, rolling out of bed. Agatha laughed again falling back into the bed. It really wasn’t fair. 

I forced myself to my closet, trying to stretch out my sore body as I did to gather an outfit. I could feel her eyes on me the whole time. I squirmed under the heat of it until I safely tucked into the bathroom. 

It was fifteen minutes before six when I stepped out of the bathroom. Agatha was up now leaving a neatly made bed. I smiled at it and let my eyes trail over to her. She was on the phone stretching out a sigh. I didn’t pay much attention to what she saying, too busy focused on staring. She turned to me and shot me a wink forcing a burning smile out of me. 

Agatha used the bathroom after her phone call. She came out looking refreshed and my gut sank knowing we had to part ways now. It was six and I still had to grab breakfast and stop at Chloe and Brooks place for clothes. 

She sauntered over to me pulling me out of my thoughts and wrapped me in a hug. I sighed into her shoulder and tugged her in. 

“I’ll be in the office for a bit today, but if you need me for anything I’ll be there at the drop of a hat, okay?” She nuzzled the words into the side of my head.

I nodded and squeezed her hip. “Can you come back again? Later after I get home.”

“Of course.” She squished me closer. 

“It might be late again like last night.” I warned eyes glancing at the clock on the stove. 

“I don’t care if it’s midnight.” She fiercely replied. I scrunched my nose and dug it into her shoulder trying to rub away the urge to kiss her. I wanted it to be perfect. Not on a puffy eyed morning on my way to a hospital. 

Eventually, I dragged myself out of her grip to slip my shoes on. Tears were trying to break out as I tied my laces. I didn’t want to leave her. I didn’t want to spend a day looking at Chloe in a hospital bed again. I didn’t want to think about the room there still was for her health to take a dive. I stood up and quickly shoved a pair of sunglasses on my face trying to mask it. My throat was burning holding it all in. Maybe, if I didn’t speak I could handle keeping it in until after we parted ways. I turned slipping my coat on. Agatha bent over fixing her own shoes on. I swallowed hard watching her and quickly wiped a tear that snuck out. 

She stood up looking at me with a perfect smile. It instantly dropped when she reached my face. I wasn’t sure what gave it away, probably my unsteady chin. 

“Honey.” It eased out of her in a low aching way. 

I instantly broke down, head dropping. She was around me in an instant and I clawed around her desperately.

“I wish you could come.” I whispered into her shoulder, breath stuttering over my tears. 

“I know.” 

When I calmed down and pulled back she took my sunglasses off and started wiping away my tears. I closed my eyes leaning into her hand. Her scent pushed past my runny nose as she leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. She pulled her lips away, hands cradling either side of my head and kept her nose and lips ghosting over me. I could feel every breath settle over my skin. I kept my eyes shut simmering in the moment. She pressed another soft kiss to my forehead then my right temple. The both of us were breathing heavier now. Another kiss pushed against the apple of my cheek and my hands tightened a grip around her coat. 

My nose was stuffy, eyes felt raw and my ears thrummed. I felt like the least attractive person in the world, but every time her lips touched my skin it shooed away any thought on my state mattering. A kiss against my nose opened my eyes. Her own were searing on me already. I watched as they closed and she slipped another kiss against the middle of my other cheek. I slipped my hands under her coat and tugged her a bit sharply against me. I felt the effect of it shake out of her throat.

I stopped breathing when her nose brushed against mine. A rough breath out of her warmed my lips and danced into my own mouth. She dragged her nose against either side of mine, blue eyes hidden behind their lids. She opened them and as our eyes met again it was like the world stopped spinning just for the moment. 

I reached my right hand up to tuck around the back of her head, and sunk my fingers into the hairs on the back of her neck. She hummed and a crooked smile broke out on the side of her lips. My chest felt like a volcano ready to explode.

Her eyebrows pinched in, face taking on a serious glow. She leaned in ever so slightly, both of our eyes fluttering closed. The loud blaring ringtone of my phone was like a shock restarting the earths turn.

I sighed and dropped my forehead to her chest. I pulled away leaving a hand against her hip as I grabbed my phone.

Mom.

I picked up trying to mask the annoyance. The usual worry for me was laced in her tone. She insisted that they would drive me, but I pushed back hard enough for her to drop it. I ended the call with letting them pick up the breakfast and meeting me at the hospital.

Guilt struck me up again during the call. Swept up in my own life, ignoring the things I had to do for the people that needed me. I shoved my phone into my pocket as Agatha’s gaze lay heavy on me.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered out as my eyes remained glued to the ground.

“Don’t be, darling.” She tapped my chin and I raised my eyes to her. “Come on.”

Her head gestured to the door with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. I sighed and walked out as she held the door open. 

Our shoes against the wooden stairs and the whipping wind were the only sounds as we walked to our cars. She pulled me in one more time as we reached her drivers door. 

“I’ll see you soon, darling.” I nodded into her shoulder steeling myself. “I’m just a call away.” Every word was soothing.

I nodded again and pulled away. I stared at her for a few seconds. She was so gorgeous it almost hurt to look at her. I focused on her lips hidden behind my sunglasses. With a sigh I backed away breaking the magnet. 

“I’ll text you in a little while.” I said dully forcing a half smile.

It was her turn to nod. We both got in our cars and pulled off in our separate directions. 

I probably packed way too much for the hospital from Chloe and Brooks house. Clothes for the both of them. Pillows, blankets and chargers. 

My parents were waiting at the entrance with breakfast when I arrived. 

When we entered the room it looked as if Brooks hadn’t moved an inch. A grin broke out on his face when he looked up.

“She just squeezed my hand.” I swear I could see the physical relief wash over him as he said it. 

The doctor popped in right after us to check in. She didn’t carry any worry, which seemed like a good sign. 

The four of us ate breakfast and Brooks changed into his own clothes.

We had just finished up lunch when Chloe’s head started shifting. Her eyes opened and the heart monitor kicked up a bit. All four of us jumped to a stand in sync. 

“Hey, you’re okay baby. You’re okay.” Brooks shushed out to her brushing her forehead. 

She groaned, eyes darting around the room taking everything in. Her panic started to settle down after a moment. My dad went to grab someone to check on her. A weight felt like it had been vacuumed out of the room. Tears of relief silently slid down my cheeks as I hovered near the bed. 

She tried to say something, but only a croaky noise came out. 

“We got in an accident. You’re gonna be okay though.” Brooks eased out to her and kissed her forehead. 

Her knuckles were white holding his hand. Chloe’s eyes landed on mine and she burst out into tears. I stifled what I could and walked over, resting a hand on her leg. 

The three of us cried, only pulling ourselves together when the doctor came in.

They still needed to do scans and keep an eye on her, but the doctor was pretty confident she’d be okay.

The first thing Chloe said when her throat lost it’s dryness was how sorry she was. She remembered everything. I could tell how guilty she felt about it. Brooks tried to ease her mind on it, but it didn’t look as if it made it any better.

My parents had left an hour ago and I decided to take a walk to let them have some time alone. 

After a walk around the hospital, I made it back and urged Brooks to go home for a little bit to freshen up with my car. It took some convincing, ultimately Chloe giving him no option but to go. There was no arguing with her.

“So, how’ve ya been?” She dragged it out casually as if it was just an ordinary catch up.

The both of us laughed. 

“Seriously, update me.” She smirked. “I need all of the details. I’m injured. I deserve it.”

I laughed and shook my head. “Not even a ruptured spleen can stop you, huh?” I joked leaning back in my chair. 

“If anything it’s fueling me.” 

“So, had a good Christmas. Got a new furniture set for the roof. Good stuff.” I smiled innocently and shrugged. 

She sighed and closed her eyes. “So help me god if you don’t give me the details of what’s happened between you and Agatha since I’ve seen you I’m going to scream.” 

I snorted. “Nothing much really.” I thought about everything that had happened in the past few days and laughed. “That’s a lie.” 

I started with the present drop off and spilled it all. Well, most of it. I did tell her about the pictures, but didn’t really detail them. 

Her mouth hung open with a disbelieving joy through most of it. It finally shut when I finished off with last nights happenings. 

“I am so sorry my state has put a hold on all of this.” Her eyes narrowed. “Ohh, the damn tension.” 

She said the last part a little loud and winced grabbing her side. She wasn’t supposed to move from laying on her back for a while. I sat up and patted her leg.

“Take it easy.”

She nodded a little dejectedly, but a smile still peeked out the end. It was easy for the both of us to escape the reality of the situation as we talked. 

“How are you feeling, really?” I asked gently.

She’d been putting on a brave face. I could tell. 

She sighed, head tilting up to the ceiling. “I’m feeling too much.” I grabbed her hand as she paused. “Everything hurts. I feel awful.” She squeezed my hand and looked back to me teary. I nodded and brushed my thumb against her. 

“I’m so fucking happy you’re okay.” She nodded with a shaky smile. We sat quietly after that, hands gripped tightly together conveying a back and forth without words.

Brooks came back looking much better. Sarah arrived shortly after he got back. A friend of hers picked her up from the airport. Her daughter, Gracie, was uncomfortable from the get. She had only just turned six. It was overwhelming for adults never mind a little thing like her. I took her to grab ice cream near by and get her away from it. 

It was nearing visiting hours ending when we got back. Sarah was staying at Chloe and Brooks so I offered to drive them. Then we found out the arrival time of Chloe’s parents. 

Two in the morning. Of course, i offered to pick them up. I couldn’t not offer. 

I excused myself for a minute before we left to call Agatha.

“Hi, heading home?” Agatha asked softly.

I let out a long, long sigh. “Technically, but not for long.” I sighed again before somberly continuing. “I’m driving Chloe’s sister to their place. Then I have to try and find a semblance of sleep, before I have to get her parents from the airport at two in the morning and then work. So, I suppose there’s no sense in us both losing sleep over this.” 

Talking about our sleeping habits in a singular felt unreal. 

A pitiful hum sounded from her. “I don’t mind you know? I have to be up early to head to the office anyways.” 

I laughed lightly. “Mmm, two am early though?” “No, not really, but early bird and all that.” “Agatha.” I breathed out. “Get some sleep for the both of us.” 

Obviously I wanted her to come over. There was no sense behind it. I tried to convince myself of that anyways. An idea of leaving her behind in my bed, kissing her on the cheek as I left sat nicely in my head. I’d already dug too far deep telling her not to come.

“I miss you.” She said softly. 

I groaned shooting my head back. “Ditto.” I turned walking the short distance back to Chloe’s room. “Let me get these two home. Her little one hates it here, poor thing. I’ll text you when I get home.”

“Okay. Drive safe.” 

I paused near the door at her words. “I will.” 

The line lay silent before I hung up. 

Sarah and Gracie were so tired that they both fell asleep on the ride. After waking Sarah, I carried Gracie in for her. We said our goodbyes, Sarah shooting me way too many unnecessary thank you’s.

As I pulled down my street, I found myself hoping the warm shower would knock me out.

My heart nearly leapt out of my chest when I turned into the driveway. 

There, leaning against the hood of her car, stood the all consuming woman herself. Her smile was a mingle of soft and smug. I could practically feel the gears protest at how fast I shifted to park. Turning off the car, I ripped the keys out and hurried out of the door. 

I walked up to her, halting a few inches away. 

“This why you didn’t fight me about not coming over?” I kept my head down. My focus on our shoes as I nudged my foot into one of hers. I spoke up again, brushing a hand against her crossed arms. “Just planned on ignoring me and doing it anyways?”

Her arms uncrossed in a blink gripping me into her. “You’re just too sweet, not wanting me to lose sleep.” She nuzzled the next part into my ear low. “I know you wanted me here. Just as bad as I wanted to be here.”

I actually felt like I was suffocating under her words. When my body felt like it stopped having an internal earthquake, I melted into her heavily. 

Eventually we moved into the house and I took the fastest shower I ever had. 

Just the same as last night, Agatha lay under the covers on the left side of my bed. Her glasses were on as she read something on her phone screen. It was only the second time I had seen them on her. 

My mind turned evil picturing her in nothing but her glasses. I bit the inside of my cheek veering my eyes off of her as I walked to the bed. 

I set my alarm and folded the covers down to climb in. She was looking at me, chin down and eyes dusting above her glasses on the end of her nose. I could feel every goosebump rippling up at the sight of her. 

I averted my eyes again and slid under the covers.

“Just have to read over something quick. It’ll only take a few minutes.” She muttered, attention going back to her phone.

“No worries.” 

I lay back close to her side, head nearly on her pillows. Her eyes were squinted, brows piercing down as her eyes skimmed quickly over what she was reading. I was held in the trance she always found a way to keep me in. 

A smirk shifted and crawled slowly up the side of her mouth. 

Her eyes stay trained on the phone as she spoke. “You’re staring.” She said it in a sing song way. 

I reached up smiling and poked the arm of her glasses, jostling them minutely. “Yes.”

There was no need to deny it. I couldn’t imagine not wanting to stare at her, always.

After locking her phone she pushed her now crooked glasses up to rest on the top of her head. She looked down to me wordlessly smiling. I expected her to have an air of teasing about her, but was met with the softest look I may have ever seen from her. 

The look left something thick in the air. She broke it by placing her glasses and phone on her bedside table. I reached over clicking the light. Agatha lay waiting for me with open arms. It was like a well practiced dance crawling into her. Just the same as last night. I tucked into her as she wrapped me up. 

Sleep was proving easy to come upon with her hands running through my hair. 

My tired mind possessed me to open my mouth. “I like your glasses.” I whispered it, eyes closed into the crook of her neck. 

She laughed low shooting an extra tingling scratch on my scalp. “I know.” 

Of course she knew. 

My alarm was like a gun sounding at twelve thirty am. I quickly stretched over to silence it and fell back forward. Agatha was stirring. She’d shifted to her side at some point, back to me. Our legs were tangled and my face was pressed into her wild hair that smelt too good. I pulled her in tight to my chest letting out a sigh. It was her turn to let out a grumpy tired groan today. She turned in my grip to face me. She looked like a child getting woke for school. Her nose was scrunched and her eyes barely looked open. I laughed causing her to bury her head under my neck. 

“Are you regretting coming over yet?” I asked playfully as I rubbed her back. 

“No.” It was quiet, almost not even spoken.

I laughed again and squeezed her before slipping away. She let out a noise in protest as she grabbed the back of my shirt trying to tug me back down. 

“Agatha.” I groaned out pleading. 

I knew she could easily convince me to stay warm with her for five more minutes. It took close to an hour to get to the airport so I knew I had to go. A huff sounded as she released her grip on me. 

Standing I pulled the covers back over her and grabbed my phone. 

I’d already set out my clothes at night. I grabbed them and quickly went to the bathroom. By the time I was ready to go it was almost one o’clock. Agatha was still in bed, but on her phone. I knew she didn’t have to actually be awake until around five. I slid my shoes on and tied them. The blankets rustling gathered my attention to the bed to see her getting up. 

Smiling I breezed over and pushed her back down gently. “Go back to sleep.” 

She watched quietly as I gathered the comforter back over her. 

“What if I rob you blind?” She asked as she rubbed her chin on the comforter.

I laughed loudly dropping down on my fists to either side of her. “I don’t think you have a need for anything in my house.”

Surely she could replace every single little thing double, easily.

She made a humming sound as she wrapped her hand around my wrist. “Might need to steal a new sweatshirt.” It came out as a warning with a glint in her eyes. “The other one has lost your essence.”

I stared at her dumb for a moment as her words sunk in. I stood upright and walked over to my closet grabbing a random sweatshirt. I ripped the one I had on off and slipped the new one on. I’d already spritzed perfume on the one I was wearing. I was thrumming as I walked over and handed her the one I had on. 

Smiling she sat up and slipped it on. She held the collar up to her nose and breathed in deep confirming why she wanted it. 

The urge to lean over and kiss her on the lips was like a freight train. I’d never make it to the airport if I did that. I decided on the safer option instead. 

Dropping back over her, I placed a long kiss onto her forehead. Lips still against her skin I whispered. “I’ll be back.” 

Her movement was quick, her nose now pressed to the side of my face. Her lips grazed my cheek right near the corner of my mouth. I closed my eyes, fist gripping the bedding as a storm built in my gut.

She let out a low noise followed by a chuckle. I really thought for a second she was just going to do it. Both of us stopped breathing for what felt like an eternity before she chastely kissed my cheek and dropped back down. 

I could just make out her features in the low oven light. Her typical confidence was there, but beneath it all she was flustered too. 

“Go on, kitten.” She poked my chest still a little breathless. “Before you get yourself into trouble.”

My eyes slammed shut at her words. “What the fuck.” I whispered it and an evil chuckle from her followed. 

“Clock’s ticking.” She sounded again, knowing exactly what she was doing to me.

I pushed my face into hers fast, nose pinning against her own. She sucked a sharp breath in that never released, features darkening. “That’s not nice to say things like that when I have to leave.”

I pushed a sigh out, spearmint breath ghosting into her mouth. She let out an honest to god whimper, eyebrows pinching together. 

I shot up taking my leave while I had a semblance of the upper hand. We settled one last look over each other before I pushed out the door. 

My thoughts were distracting and graphic the whole way. I tried to hammer it down, but it was unstoppable. Kitten? What the fuck was that? More important, how did she know the way it would flame out of her mouth and seep under my skin. She was always a step ahead.

 I made the mistake halfway there picturing her touching herself in my bed after I left. 

The force of the thought had me gripping the wheel the rest of the way. As I pulled into the airport pickup line, I was pushing thoughts of the poor rabbit I accidentally hit last year into my head. Something, anything to get a bare moaning vision of Agatha out of my head. 

When Chloe’s parents stepped out, it turned the visions of Agatha into soft mumbles in the back of my head. Seeing their worry and pain was a wake up call, and again, I was feeling guilty. 

They looked like they dropped a thousand pounds off their shoulders at the good news of her being awake and stable. 

I explained all of the details I had on the way to their house. The conversation grew into easier topics as the wheels turned. 

We finished the ride in a tired silence. All three of us had bags under our eyes ready to form their own gravitational pull. 

They thanked me and hugged me countless times when I dropped them off. It was all a tired mix of chatter. It was nearly three when I drove off for home. I rolled down all the windows to let the cold snapping air in. Fifteen minutes.

I sluggishly climbed the stairs when I got home. I’d already set another alarm for five thirty. Agatha was still tucked in bed softly breathing. Quietly, I slid my shoes and coat off and tip toed over to my closet. I cautiously slipped my jeans off and sweatpants back on. I crawled in next to her slowly and she started to stir. 

Something murmured out of her sleepily as she leeched onto me. She was everywhere in seconds. Hair in my face, arms and hands gripping around me, legs scrambled into mine as her feet moved against my own warming them. 

It felt like I had closed my eyes for two seconds before my alarm went off. 

Agatha was already holding my phone and silencing it. She was on her back now holding me into her. Her eyes were on me with a lazy smile waiting for me to look up. 

“Hi.” She reached her hand out to brush the bridge of my nose as she said it.

I hummed tucking into her shoulder. 

“Can I use your shower, darling?” She asked after a moment. “I’m going to head to the office right after I leave.”

My heart rate spiked, but I somehow kept my voice even. “Of course.”

It was her turn to pull away and out of the bed and my turn to protest. I watched her as she grabbed her bag and walked to the bathroom. “Towels and wash cloths are under the sink.” I called out as she stepped past the door. 

She turned to look over her shoulder. Her eyes lingered on me for what felt like an eternity. With a smile, a nod and a wink she disappeared behind the door.

I sighed and rubbed my face before crawling out of bed. I made the bed and checked my phone. The sound of the water running was distracting me. Thoughts of her naked behind that door. Warm water dripping down her skin. Said skin smelling like me after using my soap. 

I caught myself just standing and staring at the door. It felt like the steam from the room was slipping out of the door seams and into my body. 

It was too much for this early. 

I slipped my jeans and shoes back on and trudged out the door down the steps to the cafe. Making her a coffee would distract just enough. I returned with a to go cup for her and could hear the hair dryer I almost never used whirring. 

Brooks sent a text that had tears springing up and a smile spreading.

‘I think she’s going home tomorrow.’

I wiped the happy tears away.

‘Thank god. That’s awesome. I’ll call in a bit when a lull breaks at the cafe. Love you guys.’

I pocketed my phone after sending the text, walking to the kitchen. I stirred a bowl of oatmeal together and placed it in the microwave just as Agatha emerged from the bathroom. 

The bathroom burst with a warm enchanting smell around her. It was all my products, but they smelt so different on her. I could tell she’d spritzed her signature perfume as well. It reeled me in like a trance and I found myself wrapping around her mindlessly. 

She watched me move to her in a commanding stance. Dropping her bag to her foot she waited, like she knew I’d be swept in. 

Her right hand reached out for my hip before I fully reached her. Her glossed lips glinted against her confident smirk. 

The strongest concentration of her perfume was right at her neck and chest. I tucked into her wishing it to linger on me after she’d left. It sent a thrill through my chest, the idea of having her scent on me. Claimed.

“Chloe might be going home tomorrow.” I whispered excitedly swaying us back and forth a few times.

“That’s wonderful news, darling.” The hand on my hip smoothed over to my lower back as she spoke.

If a stranger approached me right now and said all of this was my imagination, I think I’d believe it. 

It was easier to believe than the reality of having this woman so surely in my hold. That this wildly intoxicating woman was just a breath away from being mine and I hers.

I pulled back grinning at her. “Now.” I turned back to the kitchen, her hand only slipped from me when I moved out of reach. “Can I interest you in some boring apple cinnamon oatmeal?” 

“Sign me up, kitten.” It drawled out drawing my gaze to her with a snap.

She was approaching, and waiting. Always waiting for me. I feigned casual and turned away to mix another cup of oatmeal. Goosebumps climbed up and down my spine from that one word.

As the second bowl of oatmeal spun in the microwave, I willed myself to relax. There was no sense in getting worked up like this right before work. 

Of course, all knowing of my thoughts seemingly, she crept up and her arms snaked around my waist. I fell into her front, eyes closing. I could have fallen right back to sleep standing here with her. I grumbled as the microwave beeped. “I don’t know how the fuck I’m gonna make it through the day.” I pulled away to grab the oatmeal. 

“I’ll check in on you.” An amusement was on her tongue. “Make sure you’re still upright.” 

I let out a dry laugh and faced her holding out her oatmeal. 

She moved over to me, hip to hip and shoulder to shoulder leaning against the counter. We ate like that. Agatha dropped her itinerary for the day. It all felt like home. Obviously I lived here, but whatever was radiating off of us together warmed it, completed it. 

All I could do was hope she felt it too.

I had to hold in a busting laugh at the door as we gathered up to leave. It was like a practiced in sync rhythm. I handed her the still warm coffee which earned a kiss on the cheek. It was ridiculous really. We hadn’t even kissed. Yet here we were preparing for the day like our lives had been intertwined for years. It felt like the phone number debacle all over again. She looked up from slipping her shoes on. “What?” She asked with a breathy laugh.

I had admittedly been staring, trying to hold in my laughter at it all. I shrugged in response holding her with an unwavering ease. 

“Sweet girl.” She whispered it as she clicked over to me. 

I fell into the inevitable hug she placed me in. Her fingers pressed heavily into my side. Each one felt significant against me. 

The clock ticking pulled us away from each other. Her car lingered after I let her out and parked mine again. Her window rolled down as I approached. 

“Have a good day, darling.”

Her blue eyes were like beacons in the morning light. I placed my hand on the door and she instantly reached out dancing fingers against it.

“You too. I’ll text in a bit.” 

Smirking, she dropped her fingers from my skin and lowered her head down placing a soft kiss to the back of my hand. It left my hand gripping her car like a lifeline. I shook out of the haze it left me in.

“You’re going to be the death of me Agatha Harkness.” I called it out as I stepped back.

After I turned from her burning gaze, a loud cackle broke from her as she drove away. 

[savingcrxws]

EYES ON FIRE | maybe someday

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synopsis. you and carmen just keep bumping into each other.

word count. 4.3k (gah damn)

warnings. language, hardly proofread again i'm sorry its an addiction

authors note. thank u guys so much for the support in these previous chapters! it’s really amazing to me that u guys enjoyed it so much! i would recommend listening to maybe someday by the cure for this chapter!

“Yeah, Sugar. The appointment is booked for Thursday, the reps will probably be coming in at like…three o’clock,” you mutter, flipping through the manila folder absolutely stuffed with documents and sticky notes. 

You pursue your lips at all you had to get done within this week alone–sign installation permit, permit to replace the hot water heater, permit to fix the ventilation systems, reapply for occupancy capacity signs because of the restaurants lack of other permits, and holy shit…

You completely forgot to schedule the follow-up appointment with the BACP consultant. 

You groan, slamming the thick folder into your forehead, the papers thwacking against your skull. Natalie sounds startled on the other end of the phone, no doubt hearing the sound on her end of the call. She questions if you’re okay, and you only respond with a gentle hum before tossing the folder back down on the office table. 

“Hey, Suge, do you think I can call you back later? I need to schedule a follow-up consultation with Raquel before another rep hops on my ass about the boiler replacement.” 

“Of course, hun, call me back whenever you can,” Sugar starts and you can hear some papers flicking in her side of the call as well.

You had managed to convince her to work from home more often, worried that all the stress from the demolition inside would affect her pregnancy and her overall wellbeing. After some back and forth, she had begrudgingly agreed to spend two days working on the project from the comfort of her own couch. 

And even though she complains still, you know she appreciates she has a little bit more time off of her feet. 

“Don’t work yourself too hard, okay, Bug?” 

You nod, even though you know she can’t see you. “Same for you, Bear.” Sugar hums once again before you both give your goodbyes and end the call. 

You expel all of the air out of your chest in a large puff as you slide down the office chair.

After signing onto Team Bear, your new home-away-from-home had been this tiny office in the back of the restaurant. For the most part, no one came in and disrupted your work, which allowed you to have your head shoved into piles of paperwork, be stuck on phone calls, and be forced to reread legal jargon for hours on end with little interruption. 

Well, as little interruption as there could be with the restaurant quite literally falling apart around you. 

Thankfully, everyone was very respectful of your work in helping the developing business. You were practically putting every ounce of knowledge that you learned from both college and the real-world experience (including connections within the industry) to help push the restaurant closer to the deadline. All the while still dealing with your other commitments to other businesses that you had prior to signing on to this project.

Staying at The Bear for eight hours a day had its benefits, though.

For example, there was always something entertaining going on in the background. Like last Tuesday, when Fak had decided to send a sledgehammer directly into the only remaining wall of the office–sending bits and pieces of drywall onto your clothes.

Another benefit of being stuck in that office chair is that you had an excuse to ignore everyone around you. And by everyone, you really mean Carmen.

After the awkward office run-in last week, the two of you hardly spoke to each other. Sure, there was the ‘hellos’ and ‘goodbyes’ that you threw to each other and the words you exchanged when you caught him up on the status of licensing, but you two had yet to have an actual conversation.

It was clear that the both of you were still walking on eggshells around each other—and everyone could see it. But you had an inkling feeling that Carmen had been wanting to say something, judging by the short glances you sometimes catch him throwing in your direction.

Kinda similar to the one that he’s giving you right now.

You feel the heat of his stare on your face before you see it. He’d been staring at you for a couple moments now, long enough for you to no longer consider it an inquisitive glance.

You peek up from the folder and make solid eye contact with Carmen through the hole in the wall. The man flushes almost immediately, the red color sinking past his collar. You purse your lips and give a small nod of acknowledgment and he stutters in his spot.

And then he’s turning away.

Like he wasn’t the one just staring at you a moment ago.

You roll your eyes and turn back to your original position in the seat. Picking the folder up again, you flick to the papers listing the requirements for the next fire suppression test.

“Men,” you mutter, before picking up your phone and making a phone call.

Three days later, the office is completely demolished and your work revolving around The Bear has been moved to a family-owned coffee shop two blocks over.

In the short span of time, all of the walls in the store had been busted down and the restaurant had practically turned into a hazardous wasteland. And since construction was too far out of your pay grade, you decided to leave the heavy lifting up to everyone else.

“Alright, permit done!” You throw your hands up in the air, your theatrics catching the attention of a couple next to you. You could hardly care for the stares, though, you had been working on getting that permit for the past four days straight. Slamming your laptop shut, you pack up your bags and head off to the cash register to buy another coffee before you go.

While you wait for your drink, you decide to scroll aimlessly through your phone to kill some time.

“Oh shit,” you hear a voice utter behind you, and you barely have time to process the word before something ice cold is running down your back. “Fuck, I’m fucking sorry, I didn’t even see you—“

You gasp on reflex, taking a step forward and shivering. The person who spilled their drink on you is stuttering out apologies. The liquid seeps into the jacket you were wearing and you pull it off immediately.

“Yo, what the fuck, dude,” you curse, watching the large stain of coffee spread even farther across your jacket. “Watch where the hell you’re walking—”

In the middle of trying to give the perpetrator a piece of your mind, you failed to recognize the familiar sound of the voice that was spewing apology out of apology. But in a second, your eyes met a recognizable set of blue and you halted your words.

In front of you stands Carmen Berzatto. In his signature colored sweater and a half-spilled cup of coffee in his hand.

And he looks petrified.

It seems he didn’t realize just who was the unlucky victim to his americano attack either until you turned around. His mouth agape, he utters out a jumbled apology, glancing back at you, your stained jacket, and the cup in his hand like his brain was still trying to understand what just happened.

“Uh-uh, fuck, sorry, I swear this wasn’t on purpose,” he rambles, placing his cup on the counter behind you and grabbing some napkins right after. He steps back towards you and shoves his hand of napkins to you. “Here, shit, I’m so sorry.”

You sigh, taking the napkins from him, noting the slight tremor that persisted in his hands as you did so. Taking in a slow breath, you close your eyes and count to ten before responding. “It’s okay, Carmen. Don’t worry about it.”

And even though you tried to maintain your peace, you can hear the annoyance seeping out of your words. Carmen glances around the counter before looking back at you and your soaked jacket. You know he probably wants to apologize some more, but honestly, one more apology might land him with a punch to the gut. 

Just as he opens his mouth, you raise your free hand, silencing him immediately. You shake your head in dismissal before taking the napkins offered to you and blotting the coffee out of the fabric of your jacket. Carmen simply stood in his place, watching you, seeing if he could do anything to redeem himself in this situation. 

However, after they called your name for your drink order, you dumped the used napkins in the trash, took your drink and hightailed it out of the café without one more word to the man. 

After the coffee shop incident, you swear that you started to see Carmen everywhere. 

You needed a quiet place to plan outside of your house so you went to one of the local libraries. Guess who’s walking outside the building?

You need a late night snack and decide to hit up the corner store. Guess who’s in the refrigerated section?

Hell, you decide to stay late at The Bear for some last minute checkups? Guess who forgot to grab a few things before leaving that night?

You swear that before you hopped on The Bear train, you never even saw a glimpse of the man. Sure, you lived relatively near the restaurant, but Chicago is fucking huge, there’s no way you would run into one of the few people that you’re trying to avoid. 

Absolutely not, apparently. 

Finally finishing up the weekly budget report and estimate for the following weeks till open, you decide to take a step away from work for a second and give your brain some time to breath. 

“Hey, Syd, if anyone needs me, I’m outside taking a smoke break, ‘kay,” you yell across the restaurant, receiving a thumbs up from her from the other side of the room. “Be back in 15!”

Reaching into your bag, you pull out a pack of cigs and a lighter before heading to the back entrance of the restaurant. You place the cigarette between your lips and head to the backdoor. Stepping out and around the alley to the designated smoke corner, you fiddle with the lighter switch, hearing the light sizzle but seeing no flames emerge. 

You groan, flicking the lighter again and again and still no lig–

“Umm, uh, you need a light?”

You scream, your heart almost skipping a beat and falling out on the concrete below you. In your alarm, both your cigarette and the lighter drop on to the ground. "Shit," you mutter and throw a glance over at whoever had scared the living shit out of you and, surprise suprise . . .

There was Carmen, standing in the alley a few feet away from the door. One leg was kicked up to rest his foot against the wall behind him and a cigarette hung loosely between his fingers. His eyes trailed across you for a second, then he glanced at the cigarette on the ground before taking another draw from his own and staring out the wall in front of him.

If you had half of the energy, you would tell him off for scaring the shit out of you and book it out of the enclosed space.

Lucky for Carmen, however, you really needed that cigarette.

Reaching back into your bag once more, you pull out another cig and walk slowly over to the man. Your steps gain his attention once again and when your eyes met you gestured to the lighter hanging out of his cooking apron.

He grabs the lighter and hands it to you. As you reach out to grab it, your fingers brush against his knuckles. Some quick thought in the back of your head wishes that that physical interaction lasted a little longer, but you're quick to shoo that away into the deep recesses of your mind.

Lighting your cigarette, you hand the lighter back to him before taking a drag. Blowing the smoke out, you slid down the wall until you could lean back into a squat against it.

The two of you just stand there, in complete silence aside from the occasional cough from an improper pull. This quiet isn't nearly as awkward as the first run-in the two of you had. Maybe it's because of the nicotine or maybe it's because continuously running into Carmen over these past days had subconsciously made you a little more comfortable with his presence.

. . .

Nah, it definitely had to be the nicotine.

You glance up at Carmen, who continues to smoke even though his stick had turned into a bud a while ago. You make note of the new tattoos that run down his arms and hands, eyes stopping at the rose flower tattoo on his left hand.

You remember when he got that one done with you at the parlor for his eighteenth birthday.

Subconsciously, you rub at the matching rose on your thigh before sighing and focusing back on your cigarette. Young, dumb decisions, you think.

Above you, Carmen watches your focus retreat back and purses his lips. In all honesty, Carmen usually never finishes a whole cigarette, but he really needed an excuse to stay out here longer with you.

These past couple of days had been tormenting him just as much as it had been you, albeit for different reasons. Everytime Carmen ran into you, whether it be in that cafe or that random grocery store that one early morning, he was plagued with memories of everything that he had fucked up.

Not just the relationship that he had fucked, but the happiness that he had stolen from the both of you.

And he had so desperately been trying to apologize, but every time you saw his face, you would get that look on your own. That dread, the anxiousness, that annoyance. That anger.

Whenever he saw that expression on your face, he would get too choked up to say anything of significance. A simple 'hey" would be all that would leave his mouth. Either that or he would stutter like he was a fucking kid again and embarrass himself in front of you like he seems to be doing constantly lately.

Carmen sighs, taking a final hit from his cigarette before stomping it out on the ground. By all previous experience, Carmen would book it out of the area by now, but something in his gut was telling him to stay this time.

Glancing down at you once more, he sees that you have taken to scrolling through your phone to kill the time. He bites the corner of his lip and decides to sit against the wall like you.

Instinctively, you toss him a questioning glance but when he didn't make any move to speak or gesture towards you, you shook your head and went back to whatever video had popped up on your feed.

Fuck it, he thought.

"I'm sorry."

You halt in the middle of your smoke, nearly coughing on the fumes but managing to swallow it. You look over at Carmen inquisitively, wondering where the hell that apology came from. The dirty blonde was wringing his hands, mouth opening and shutting as if he was trying to get the words out.

"Sorry for the, uh," he mutters, casting a quick glance in your direction to assure himself that you were listening. "Sorry for the, for uh-You know I didn't-I don't know how-"

"Yo, Carmen," you interrupt the world vomit that he was spewing, tossing your cigarette down before snuffing out the light with your shoe. You center your focus back on the man next to you, who seemed to only have you in his attention. "Just say what you want to say. No bullshit."

Your blunt words seem to ground Carmen long enough for him to gather his thoughts. He nods his head rapidly in that way he does when he's clearly overwhelmed before he clears his throat. He takes in a large inhale and clears his throat, ready to speak again.

"I want to apologize. For everything. For how much of an jackoff I was back then, and for how much I am right now," Carmen stars, eyes staring solidly into yours to show just how serious he is. "I didn't deserve you, and you did nothing to deserve the way that we ended."

You feel something burn the back of your throat at the mention of the end of your relationship. The total radio silence from him for the days prior, and just when you had managed to gather the courage to ask the question of just what the hell are we doing, Carmy, you were cast aside like nothing.

He was right, you didn’t deserve that.

Pushing back the feelings bubbling up in your chest, you nod your head to signal that you were listening.

"I-I, it's no excuse, but I was really going through some serious shit. And I really felt that if I cut everyone out of my life, I could actually get a second to breathe you know," Carmen pauses and you open your mouth to speak, but he continues. "I-I just know you deserved-you deserve better. But seeing you in this restaurant day-in and day-out, working away to help my sister, my crew--help me? I just felt even more like a piece of shit."

He turns fully towards you now and you can see his eyes turning red from the emotion he was clearly holding behind his words. "You didn't deserve what I did, and you definitely don't deserve to be cleaning up my messes now."

"You deserved the world, and I'm sorry I couldn't give it to you."

His last words send a sharp pang into your chest. Here you two sat, sitting next to each other, the distance between you two seemed to be filled with words unsaid. You stare into his eyes a little longer, at a loss for what to say completely.

On one hand, you wanted to reject his apology, tell him to fuck off and leave him alone in this alleyway. He would deserve it after everything.

But he has that familiar kicked puppy-dog look in his eyes and he's chewed his lip red, and he's actually sorry.

You sigh, leaning your head back to rest against the wall behind you. Staring up at the sky, you trace the shapes of the clouds above as you collect your thoughts.

"Yeah," you start, nodding your head to yourself. Carmen tenses up at the ambiguity behind both your words and your tone. He would have to have his own head shoved up his ass if he didn't realize that you had every right to refuse his plea for forgiveness. Frankly, that's exactly what he was expecting you to do.

"Yeah, okay. I can forgive you, Berzatto."

Carmen's heart sinks into his guts, mouth slightly agape in pure shock. "You-you can?"

You give a small smile, turning your head to face the man. "Yeah, Carmen, I accept your apology."

The dirty blonde opens his mouth again but you put a hand up in the space between you, effectively shutting him up for a second.

"But," you trail, "I'm gonna forward you that dry cleaning bill from that cafe, asshat. I've been trying to get that shit out for days now."

Carmen flushes a bright red at the mention of the coffee shop run-in you two had, a broken chuckle leaving his mouth at the obvious teasing tone in your voice. You were joking with him, for the first time in years, you two had managed to glimpse at the level of comfortability that you once shared.

Carmen chuckles again, running a hand through his curls. "Yeah, well, can I raincheck that until after the restaurant starts making money? I'm kinda flat fucking broke right now."

You giggle at the honesty behind his words. "Yeah, I ran those calculations by the way. Have fun being flat broke for at least three months after The Bear opens."

"Shit," Carmen mutters, a grin still on his face.

"Yeah, shit." You nod in his direction before pushing yourself off your crouched position on the ground. "Anyway, I'm gonna head inside to get back on that shit. Fak's fucking electric guy keeps flaking on us."

Carmen's eyes follow your form as you stand, holding eye contact with you when you glance back down at him. "Yeah, yeah, I should probably meet up with Syd for the chaos menu anyway."

He hurriedly stands up, wiping his hands on his work pants. After he finishes, he looks at you once again, noting the small smile on your face. For a second, he swears his heart skips a beat.

"For the record, Carmy," you play with the nickname on your tongue, having not said it in quite some time. Carmen flushes before nodding for you to continue. The small on your face falls for a second as you look at him. "You pull that shit with me again, I'm sicking the dogs on your ass. Seriously."

Carmen clears his throat, straightening up at the more serious tone of your voice. Although you were not nearly as angry looking at him as before, he knew that you were serious. There were no more apologies after this, no more fuckups.

You look at him expectantly, waiting for some form of acknowledgment.

He nods. "Yes, chef."

After the conversation outside The Bear, you and Carmen seemed to flow together much easier than before. Granted there was the occasional stray glance casted in your direction from the man, but overall, the two of you were on much more agreeable terms.

The rest of the crew seemed to notice the absence of uncertain tension between the two of you. You explained to Tina, Richie, and Sugar that you two had simply talked it out and were no longer on "spiteful ex" terms.

Richie, being the annoying man that he is, insisted that something else must've happened--to which you responded with a firm shoulder check and yet another middle finger.

Overall, the two of you seemed to only talk about business stuff, which made it easier for conversations to flow. Less personal, more concrete talks.

"Alright, Carmy, we got that certificate of occupancy, right?" You question, running down the legal checklist once again. When you heard no response, you asked again, only to be ignored again. Finally looking up from your screen, you glance up at the man, trying to figure out what could have possibly distracted him this time.

He's glancing, moreso glaring, down at his phone, watching it ring but making no moves to pick it up. He's spaced out almost, like he's lost in his thoughts.

You clear your throat and decide to try his name again. "Carmen!"

He shoots up a little and looks at you, muttering an apology out as he clicks his phone off and slides it into his back pocket. "What were you asking?"

"Umm, I was trying to see if you got that certificate of occupancy from Cicero mailed in," you raise an eyebrow at him. "You know, the one we need to get that other big, shiny certificate that shows that we can legal conduct business in the state of Illinois? That certificate?"

"Uhh, yeah, yeah. Mailed it in the other day, yeah."

You squint at his weird responses before shaking your head and diving back into your work. "Well, on another note, I've been speaking with a liason down at the office and he said we can have our second fire suppression test in two weeks instead of the project four."

Carmen walks up to the foldable chair you were sitting in, peering over your shoulder to look at your screen. He rests his hand against the back of your chair unconsciously and you can feel the heat of his body radiating off of him. You clear your throat and lean forward a little to get some distance between the two of you.

"Who's that going to?" The man points to an email that you are in the middle of drafting. Your eyes follow and land on the email you were writing to one of your school buddies. "Oh that? I'm just messaging one of my old classmates from college about an idea I had about our issues with that retail food license thing."

Carmen humms, peeking down at you as you explained the process you were thinking of going through. Though your eyes were stuck on the screen, clicking through different documents as you continued your explanation, Carmen's eyes were glued to your face.

To him, this all felt like some weird dream that he was having. His former high school sweetheart, sitting in his restaurant, talking all kinds of smart talk that he could barely understand, practically pressed against him. Although he didn't move over to your chair with the intent to press against you, he definitely noticed the proximity that you two shared.

Life had been a whirlwind these past weeks, but he felt that when he was near you that a lot of those anxieties he often has screaming in his head quieted down a little. He tried to chalk it up to the confidence that he had in your skills, but even though you are incredibly talented in your work, he knew that it was something more than that.

Something that he had to swallow down.

"Carmy, you motherfucker, are you even listening to me?" You call out, turning more in your chair and fixing him with an annoyed glare. Carmen swallows before nodding his head. "Ye-yeah, you have a plan to get that retail food license and alcohol seller's license at once right?"

You hum, giving him a once over again before turning in your seat. "Exactly. I think that my buddy Stephen can help us with that fire suppression test, he knows a thing or two--"

Carmen's eyes trace down your eyes, nose, and lips, noting the signature bite marks you left on your bottom one. He runs a tongue across his own before carding a hand through his hair to collect himself.

He was so fucked.

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[heroesrest64]

Farming For Heroes

Find the whole project here

(Note: There are so many little things I wanted to introduce during these Tutorial chapters, but I didn’t want it to feel overwhelming or make any one interaction too long. I like how these chapter turned out- it felt like it put a lot of cogs in motion and opened up a lot of doors for the future.)

Chapter 3: Tutorials (Pt. 2)

You spent the rest of the previous night fishing before going home and putting most of the fish you caught in your shopping bin. When you woke up the next morning, you had a tidy sum of money waiting for you, which you tucked away before starting on your farm chores.

Once they’re done, you decide to start heading up to the tech lab, intending to find out more about the sprinklers and auto feeders you saw the day before, only to stop short when a new colorfully decorated building catches your eye. It’s nestled amongst a grove of apple trees, and there are wind chimes and sun catchers glittering and sounding off in front of every window.

To put it simply, the place is enchanting, and you find yourself opening the front door before you even realize what’s happening.

“Welcome~ Ooh, a new visitor!” A feminine voice cheers, and you look around until you spot a woman in a light blue dress, covered in a few simple pieces of jewelry. She has golden blonde hair that bounces as she walks up to you, and glittering blue eyes like sapphires.

“Welcome to Hateno Village Museum and Library. Who might you be?”

You give the girl your name before continuing, “I’m the new farmer.”

“Ah, I’ve heard about you. Apparently you got my brother to shut up for once. Quite the impressive feat.” The girl giggles, and you wonder who you’ve managed to shut up lately before you realize exactly who she looks like.

If you cut her hair a little shorter, put a pink streak in it, then gave her amethyst eyes, she’d be a dead ringer for Legend.

“You’re Legend’s sister?” You ask, disbelieving. Their personalities are like night and day!

“The one and only. My name is Fable, I run the library here, although…” Fable looks to the side, a slight blush overtaking her cheeks.

“Admittedly, the library is quite small, as it stands. But! That’s nothing you should be concerned with. You can still come in and read what’s available whenever you’d like. I am also willing to buy or trade for any books you bring in, so if you find something interesting bring them here and we’ll get you sorted out.” Fable claps her hands excitedly, like even the thought of a new book is enough to make her happy. You can appreciate her enthusiasm, and agree to bring any books you find.

“What’s with all the shouting? Are you talking to yourself again, Fable?” A familiar, snarky voice chuckles, and out of a side room comes a familiar head of strawberry lemonade hair. He seems to assess the room for only a second before his teasing smirk drops to something distinctly unamused.

“Oh. It’s you. If you’re here to view the museum, the exhibits are closed.” Legend huffs, crossing his arms and leaning on the doorframe like some kind of thug.

“Closed? Why?” You ask, deciding to ignore his rude way of talking in hopes of having a civil conversation. Unfortunately, your question only seems to upset the man more. There’s just no winning with this guy.

“They were stolen.”

Stolen? An entire museum’s exhibits were stolen? How? Why??

“How did that happen?” You decide to press for more information, too curious to let it go now.

“If I knew, don’t you think I would’ve done something to fix it by now?” Legend hisses, and you lift your hands placatingly.

“Fair enough. If there’s anything I can do to help, though, let me know.” You offer, mostly just to get him to calm down. You don’t expect him to actually give you a considering look, humming a long tone before seeming to light up with an idea.

“Actually, there is something you can do. Here-“ Legend comes closer, gesturing for you to hold out your hand before dropping a key in it.

“This is the key to the mines. Seeing as you’ve been to the smithy, I’m sure you could guess what’s down there. Ores, raw gemstones, and of course, treasure. I could care less about the ores, but gems and treasure are more than welcome in my museum. Of course, this isn’t a charity. I’ll pay you for anything you bring in, the better the quality, the more money you make.” Legend hums, words flat like it’s a business transaction. To a certain extent, you suppose it is, but his attitude isn’t making you rally for an adventure in the mines.

“Why can’t you just ask like a normal person? ‘Hey farmer, I’d appreciate any treasures you bring back from the mines! Thank you so much for offering to help!’ It’s that simple.” Fable flicks Legend in his forehead, and the man reels back, rubbing the sore spot dramatically.

“I’ll thank them when they show results. Anyway, there are monsters down there who can and will hurt you, so if you do go, be careful. I don’t need Hyrule coming to fret over the new farmer just ‘cause you couldn’t handle a couple keese.” Legend crosses his arms over his chest, and while you initially think he’s being a little crass, when you take a moment to consider his words, you realize there’s some genuine concern in his voice.

You may not be sure about the guy, even now, but at least he seems to care. That’s enough, for now.

~~

You’re so distracted thinking about your interaction with Fable and Legend that you don’t even realize you’ve walked down the hill until Linkle bounces up beside you, startling you out of your thoughts.

“Whatcha thinking about?” She asks, crowding close to you, and you yelp, not expecting the woman to get so close.

“Uhm! I was just thinking about the mines. Legend said there were monsters in there, and I was wondering if I could fight them.” You admit. Linkle hums, interested, before lighting up with an idea.

“How about you go to the fields with Wars and I today? We can see how good you are, maybe give you a couple tips. You’ll be confident enough to enter the mines in no time.” Linkle grabs your arm, dragging you off before you have a chance to respond.

“Looks like my sister managed to drag you into this excursion. Luckily, it’s just a patrol through Ginner woods. Apparently some bokoblins have been making their way closer to the village than usual.” Warriors barely dips his head in greeting when he spots you, like your presence was to be expected. You trot after him as he begins walking to the entrance of the town, nervously gripping your sword’s handle as the forest just beyond comes into view.

“Looks like you got a sword, at least. Do you know how to use it?”

“In theory? Sure. In practice? Ehh…” You make a so-so motion with your hand, and Linkle giggles, bumping into you playfully.

“That’s okay. We’ll start you on something easy. There are chuchus in the forest that shouldn’t be too hard to beat.” Linkle assures, guiding you deeper into the forest. It turns out fighting monsters isn’t as hard as you thought it’d be, especially with Linkle and Warriors there to help you out. They let you go at your own pace for the most part, only stepping in when it looks like you might be struggling.

You defeat three chuchus and two bokoblins before they decide to give you a break, gathering up the monster drops and handing them over to you.

“Monster parts can be used in potions or to make certain devices. I know chuchu jelly is usually needed to make sprinklers, for example. Of course you could always buy these supplies or trade for them if you don’t want to engage in combat. It’s up to you.” Warriors shrugs while you stuff the materials in your bag. It’s starting to become overfull with all of the items you’ve been getting lately, and you resolve to sort some of the objects away later.

“Thanks for the offer, but I think I want to actually join the monster hunting team. I could get my own materials, like you said, and maybe even find cool stuff while on the field.” You grin, and Warriors seems pleased.

“That’s the spirit! Speaking of cool stuff, look at THIS!!” Linkle cheers, interrupting her brother who was about to speak to you, pushing something white and covered with feathers in your face. Warriors gasps, affronted and even a little scared at the chubby cucco Linkle presses in your arms.

“A cucco?” You ask, wondering where the woman got the plump animal from.

“You can find animals all over Hyrules wilds. They’re pretty skittish, but if you give them the right snacks, they’ll warm up to you in no time.” Linkle holds out her palm, which is filled to the brim with sweet corn that the cucco happily gobbles up.

“Wars won’t let me keep any in the house, so I have to come out here to play with them. Although… If you adopt a couple of these sweetlings, I can just visit them on your farm…” Linkle wonders aloud, a somewhat evil smile taking over her face as she plots. Warriors seems to be growing nervous, throwing you an alarmed look.

“Do not let her make your farm a depth-spawn breeding ground. One or two are fine, but if Linkle had it her way, every square foot would contain a cucco.” He warns, and you giggle at the affronted ‘hey!’ His sister shrieks at him.

After that, the two of them guide you back to town, still bickering about the ethics of keeping livestock in the house up until they reach the village gates and wave you good-bye.

Something about their dynamic leaves you amused and refreshed, and you skip back into Hateno, wondering what else you should get up to today.

~~

Your day has been more or less derailed twice today, and while you don’t entirely mind talking to your neighbors and getting to know a bit more about them, you do still intend on making your way up the hill to the Hateno Tech Lab.

You barely make it three steps into town before stopping yourself once again, curiously eyeing what must be Sky’s carpentry shop. You may not have the money for it, but your farm is in desperate need of repairs, and it wouldn’t hurt to get a quote, at least.

Stepping into the shop, you catch a whiff of sawdust and something herbal. Maybe chamomile? It’s around lunch time, so you’re not surprised when Sky isn’t sat behind the counter in the shop, nor toiling away at one of the workbenches littering the space. There are a couple tables filled with smaller wooden objects, and an open catalogue on the counter showing off different furniture sets that you practically drool over. Your current bed is… abysmal, to say the least.

“Looking for a bed?” Sky’s voice hums, and you startle, slamming the catalogue shut in your panic.

“Sky! Uhm, kind of. I’m actually in need of a whole house upgrade, if I’m being honest. Not sure if you’ve been up to the farm, but there’s a whole tree growing out of my house.” You wave vaguely, miming the size of the tree, and Sky laughs.

“Funny you should mention it, but I was actually arranging to come up and check out your farm, see if I couldn’t at least make it livable sometime soon.” Sky admits, and you feel your heart flutter. He was really going to do that for you? Unprompted? The people here really are too generous- you’re starting to feel like you’re taking advantage of their kindness.

“That’s really sweet, but, uh, I don’t quite have the funds yet, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable accepting something as big as that…” You admit.

“Hey, we help eachother out here in Hateno. Speaking of…” Sky ducks behind his counter, rummaging around for a second before coming back up with a rolled up piece of leather.

“Here’s a wood carving kit for ya. I figure you’ll be getting a ton of wood from the wild trees on your farm, so it might be fun to make something with that. I’ve been trying to teach the others how to carve, too, so you might be able to catch them in the act.” Sky snickers, like it’s some fun game. Maybe it will be? You’ve carved a couple figures before, but it was always more fun when you were working alongside someone else.

“Thanks, Sky. That sounds like fun.” You grin, tucking away the carving kit for future use. Sky seems to consider you for a second before coming to some sort of conclusion.

“As for your house… I’m willing to do the repairs and some basic upgrades for free, but I have a favor to ask you in return.” You stall, not expecting the sudden offer. What sort of favor could possibly make up for all of the repairs your house will need?

“I want to leave something in your care once your house is secured. It’s something I can’t take care of myself, unfortunately, but it shouldn’t give a farmer like you too much trouble.” Sky grins, somewhat mischievous. You feel some nervous sweat bead your brow. What could he possibly want to leave in your care? Some sort of houseplant he’s struggling to keep alive? … a monster plant? Do monster plants exist?

Whatever it is, it’s not like you’re in a position to refuse. “I’ll handle it with the utmost care.” You assure, and Sky bursts out laughing, even gripping his stomach and curling over himself with his laughter. Despite feeling embarrassed, you can’t help but think his laugh is kind of cute.

“Haha! Relax, you don’t have to be so serious! I’ll swing by your place later this week to start up construction.” Sky waves you off, still chuckling under his breath, but his lack of elaboration on exactly what you’ll be taking care of disturbs you. Regardless, you leave the cabin-like workshop and begin heading back to your original destination.

…Only to be immediately stopped by an excited voice singing out a cheery greeting.

“Yoo-hoo! Young farmer!! You seem to be ever-so busy running around today, but you have yet to even step foot into my shop! And just how do you think that makes Miss Cece feel?” The voice coos, and you squint, trying to find its owner only for your eyes to land upon what one could only describe as a mushroom covered aristocrat. Oh no.

“Oh yes! I’m talking to you, dear farmer! You, with your trashy overalls and stained tunics! With your worn out boots and dirt speckled aprons!! You may be covered in soot and dirt now, but with a little dusting off from yours truly, I just know you’ll prove to be a prized Matsutake in disguise!!!” The woman with bright pink hair and cat-like glasses trills, and you feel a shiver crawl up your spine.

There’s no way the fashion fad followed you here all the way from castle town. Those horrid mushrooms were supposed to be left behind along with all the other baggage that piled up during your time spent in the big city. And did she say her name was Cece, as in, the creator of the mushroom fashion empire??

You pinch yourself, hoping against all hope that you’ve somehow entered a dream. No- not a dream. A nightmare! That’s what this has to be!

“Come along, dearie, I have mush to show you.” Cece cackles at her own mushroom pun, and you nearly weep as you realize this is no dream. This is stone cold reality, and Hylia is probably watching you and laughing.

You’re brought into the store and none-too-gently wrangled onto a stool where you’re made to stand while a ghost takes your measurements. No, not a ghost. You know this woman.

“Sophie? What happened to you? What happened to Ventest Clothing??” You whisper, sending a cautious look over your shoulder at Cece, who is currently wringing a mushroom themed fan like you fear she may wring your neck if she catches you talking to the poor shaky girl currently measuring your waist.

“I-I don’t know. One day I was selling travelers gear, the next I was being proclaimed Cece’s a-apprentice, a-and suddenly the walls were covered in m-m-mushroom wallpaper and Mr. sayge was bringing in a g-giant vat of d-dye?? Papa was out a-and I couldn’t fend them off alone…” The poor girl sounds close to tears, and you place a delicate hand on her shoulder, only to flinch when the sound of a fan snapping shut rings out. You instantly straighten up, and Sophie gets back to taking your measurements.

“Now I know it can be intimidating, all of this greatness crammed into one inky-dinky little itty-bitty shop,” Cece starts, and you watch Sophie draw in on herself with each adjective the intimidating woman uses.

“However! Rest assured that you are in the best of hands here at the Ventest Fashion Parlor. My associates and I have been reviving fashion here in Hyrule for years, and with my new business partners knowledge of dyes, I guarantee you will leave here feeling prettier than a latticed stinkhorn.” Cece begins to pace, and you send your old friend an alarmed look.

“We’ll keep your measurements noted for the time being. I’m sure you’re still settling down, getting transacted with the root system here in Hateno, but just know that once you’re ready, Tempest will be here to cater to all of your fashion needs.” Cece hums contentedly as Sophie finally pulls away, tucking away a piece of parchment with what you assume are your measurements on it, and Cece steps up, extending a white gloved hand to help you down from the stool you were standing upon.

You shakily step off, and Cece pats you on the head somewhat patronizingly before slapping something leathery and soft on your head. You just barely catch a look at the bright red mushroom cap now wobbling on your head in a nearby mirror before finding yourself shooed off to a seperate room. You don’t even have a moment to catch your breath before a man wearing nothing but an apron and shorts accosts you, dragging you further into the room.

“Little farmer! How good to see you again. I remember when you were just a little pigment. Barely a squirt.” Sayge crows, and you instantly calm down. For a second you thought you were about to be hounded by, like, Cece’s half naked brother. You actually don’t know if the woman has family, and you’d rather not find out.

“Hello, Mr. Sayge. I guess I was sent here to check out the dye shop?” You propose, and the man cheers delightedly, dragging you further into his workshop.

“I’ve been dye-ing to tell you about my new research! I’ve been working on animal-safe pigments, so now you can have animals of all colors of the rainbow- for a small fee, of course. I can also dye your hair, clothes, and armor if you’re thinking about joining the monster crew. You’ll also want to dye your furniture, of course. That Sky fellow is good at what he does, but he’s no dye master like I am-“ Sayge continues to ramble for a while, and you let him, rocking back in your heels while the man continues to go on about the services he can offer you. You get the gist- he can dye pretty much anything you could think of. Not a bad deal, but you aren’t in a place financially to care about aesthetics. For now, you’ll just take what you can get.

After a while, Sayge’s wife Senna comes stomping into the room, shouting the poor man’s ear off about bothering potential customers with his ramblings, before turning to you and apologizing profusely. When she realizes who you are, she just about squeals, wrapping you up in a bone crushing hug before apologizing once more for her husband's ramblings, then sending you on your way.

You finally leave the strange little world that is Ventest Clothing Parlor, and let out a long sigh of relief. You escaped with your life, but not with your dignity as the mushroom hat on your head sags weirdly into your eyes, blinding you for a second.

~~

Finally. Finally, you make the long trek up the hill to the Hateno Tech Lab. The building is just as odd as you remember, although now that you’re an adult, it’s not nearly as intimidating. There’s some strange clanking and buzzing sounds coming from inside that you elect to ignore, instead knocking once before entering the lab.

Immediately, you’re greeted by panicked shouting, and something buzzing and shiny coming right for your head. You barely have time to swat it out of the air before your mind catches up with your hands and you realize it was probably some sort of device and that maybe you should’ve been more delicate with it.

“Oh thank goodness you caught it! This stupid thing is just refusing to behave lately!” A woman with shiekah white hair huffs, blowing a streak of red out of her crimson eyes. She stoops down, and you try not to stare at her curves as she does so, glancing off to the side nervously. Why is everyone in this town so freaking hot?

“What, uh, what is it?” You manage to stutter out as the woman pops back up, cradling what looks like a robotic bug in her hands.

“It’s a scouting drone the monster hunters use to find new places to hunt in. It’s been a little ‘buggy’ for a while now, so I’m taking a look at it. The technology is kind of old so I’m having a hard time, though…” The woman trails off, tapping a pipe to her cherry red lips, muttering a bit more to herself before you clear your throat and she snaps back to attention.

“Sorry. You’re the new farmer, aren’t you? I’m sure you’ve heard about the devices the research lab can offer you, but they don’t come cheap! Except this first sprinkler. It’s on the house.” You’re a little startled when the lady shoves a sprinkler into your hands, and you shuffle it into the crook of your arm, knowing that your bag is officially too full to fit anything else.

“R-right, thank you, uh…” You trail off, and the woman seems to realize she never introduced herself.

“Purah. Now that we have introductions out of the way, I have a bit of a favor to ask of you.” Purah grins, and you motion for her to continue.

“My associate over there is a big scaredy cat, but he needs to do some field work. Some project or another. You should speak with him- there might be a reward in it for you.”

Looking at where the woman is pointing, you find a shiekah man muttering to himself, poring over a table filled with pictures. Curious, you excuse yourself from Purah’s company and walk up to the man.

“Ahem. Excuse me,” You start, and the man startles, hands flying up defensively and sending the pictures he was observing scattering.

“Hylia! Forgive me, I didn’t notice you approaching.” The man gasps, gripping at his chest. You mutter your own apology while leaning down to gather some of the dropped papers. Most of the pictures show stone tablets, but the angle is too high for you to see what’s written on them.

“Curious? These stone tablets are spread all across the Necluda and Faron regions. There’s one pretty close to the village, actually, which started me on this research project.” The man hands over a picture, clearer than the others, and taken as if the photographer was standing right in front of the monument rather than from above it. The stone is smooth and carved with unfamiliar runes.

“This one is apparently the first in a series, and gives directions to the others. I’ve only been able to visit one other, but my camera was broken at the time. Regardless, translating the runes I recorded from that second monument leads me to believe it was some sort of riddle that would have led to a treasure needed to unlock this mystery.”

“Interesting… Where was this first picture taken?” You ask, tapping the paper for emphasis.

“Next to Camphor Pond, past Ginner Woods.”

“I’ll have to check it out sometime, then. This mystery sounds like a lot of fun!” You smile, setting the picture down and smiling at the shiekah researcher in front of you. He seems to light up, excited that you’re even considering going.

“Truly? If you do go, I would ask you to record your findings. Here- I’ll entrust you with my spare camera. It’s an older model, but I’m sure you could inspire Purah to upgrade it if you ever have a need. With you as my field researcher, I just know we’ll uncover the secrets of these monuments in no time!” The man cheers, and the two of you talk for a bit longer before you notice the sun beginning to set. You excuse yourself, leaving the Research Lab to return to your farm for the night.

You finish up a couple more chores before putting some extra items in your shipping bin and finally heading inside your farm house. Ivee should have the seeds you ordered tomorrow, which means you’ll have plenty of stuff to work on. Maybe after you finish your farm work, you can start working on gifts to offer to all of the nice people in Hateno.

[wrldhoon]

sigils and sin (m)

02 ── .✦

⋆˚★ pairing: enhypen ༝ fem.ᐟreader

word count — 7.5k

౨ৎ masterlist

synopsis ⊹ ࣪ ˖ war. power. loss. love. secrets. sin. you were trained to do many things. that was why you chose to be here. the dragon-riding quadrant of the notorious Veirthorne Academy. they trained you to fight, to win, to survive. yet, they never taught you to be human.

genre(s) ᯓ fantasy, angst, slow-burn, multiple love interests, smut

⤷ warnings: explicit content, violence, death, graphic depictions of injury

ꨄ︎ note: spent all day writing this and i really enjoyed it tbh... a bit longer than the first chapter BUT new characters have been introduced so YAYYY!! next chap will prob take longer since im busy all weekend but hopefully that means it will be longer.. happy reading! <3

02 ─ the culling

anger.

to lose control is to place a weapon in your own hands, its edge pointing outwards.

a weapon that wounds.

one that kills.

deadly, powerful, and all consuming.

it courses through your veins until there is more feeling than blood—the one thing that served as a reminder that you were still human.

you could feel the warm trickle of scarlet coat your fingers, slowly dripping onto the gravel beneath your feet. his eyes glanced down at your hand, and not once did his expression falter. “you’re bleeding, cadet.”

your gaze never left his face.

you hated it.

you hated that annoying look on his face whenever he saw you, like it was uniform.

you hated his eyes. deep, brown eyes that seemed just a little too empty.

you hated his lips. the way the corners turned up in a smug smile.

you hated him.

“i know that,” you spoke through gritted teeth.

“then, you better go get that fixed. wouldn’t want you bleeding out like this during training, do we?”

“of course, sir,” your tone was mocking. you watch his eyes narrow, jaw tightening in pure annoyance. you knew the healers had returned to their rightful quadrant already. the next time you see a healer would be at the next big trial—whenever that may be. you knew he knew that, too.

jake.

your thoughts drifted to him, his sweet smile and gentle hands. you had barely met him, but he emitted this sense of warmth that loosened the tight coils of your fears. the kind of person that made you feel like the world could burn, but as long as he was alive, you could be at peace.

as if maybe, just maybe, all the light hadn’t been stripped from the world just yet.

you hoped to see him again.

the boy turned his attention to the group before him. “i will be your squad leader for the remainder of your time here. this group, this section, this squad—it does not guarantee your survival. you have been assigned to the most dangerous, unpredictable section within this quadrant, because that is what you are. that means those around you are, too. death is inevitable. so, prepare for it. become it. anyone can be your enemy, whether it is today, tomorrow, or for the rest of your life,”

your thoughts drifted off to that girl.

the one who pushed you on the stairs.

your eyes scanned the rows of cadets around you.

there were fifteen of you total, excluding your dear squad leader.

she was no where in sight.

you took mental note of that. from now on, you knew she would come after you. you could feel it.

“there are no formal events scheduled for the rest of the night. we will take you to your barracks—allow you all to settle in. get in as much sleep as you can tonight. you will need it for tomorrow,” with that, he turned on his heels and began moving forward. the rest of you followed along behind him. you weave through a few people before reaching the person you had been looking for since you had left jake.

your steps fell into line with hers. sensing your presence, she turned in your direction. her eyes widened in surprise, a cheery grin gracing her features.

she was pretty.

“oh thank Gods, you’re here too? i was worried i’d never see you again after today,” you returned the gesture.

“i don’t die easily,” it was a joke, but she could tell it stung. just a little bit.

she slid her arm into the nook of your elbow, “well, from now on i will make sure you don’t die at all. we will be making it to third year together. it is my personal mission to break that stigma.”

you gaped at her in surprise.

third year.

rumor had it that not many cadets even survived long enough to make it past the first week.

living long enough to make it through first year was already a high accomplishment in itself.

“i’m hana, by the way. i never got to ask for your name ‘cause.. y’know. near-death and all,” you let out a soft chuckle at that. “y/n.”

“okay, it’s settled then. y/n and hana—making it to third year together!”

she was way too happy considering she almost died just a few hours ago.

maybe you needed someone like that, though.

that glimmer of hope to drown out your fear.

hope in a world overwhelmed with suffering.

you gave each other a knowing look before turning your attention back towards the front. the cobblestone walls of the riders quadrant was decorated with moss and vines. its cracks and rough corners emphasized the age of the academy. you noticed the slight divots underneath your feet.

hundreds, thousands of cadets had walked this very same path.

some for the very last time, others on their way to becoming riders.

you wondered if you could live long enough to consider yourself one of them.

“this will be your sleeping quarters. training begins at dawn. i expect you to be there on time,” and with that, he left.

you watched as his figure retreated down the hallway, his eyes briefly locked with yours once he had reached the end of it. then, he turned the corner.

he was gone.

something about his gaze sent chills up your spine. you didn’t know what it was, but it would be at the back of your mind for the rest of the night.

everyone settled into their respective beds. you chose the bed right in the middle beside hana. the minute the door had shut, you felt it. there was something eery about the barracks.

the atmosphere.

it was… tense.

a type of tension that felt deadly.

you tried not to dwell on it too much, but that feeling.

that gut feeling—it never left.

suddenly, the torches went out. a strong gust of wind blew across the room, causing everyone to shudder. you laid on the thin mattress, the sad excuse of a blanket pulled up to your chin. it was freezing. your body trembled lightly. the sheet did little to keep you warm, to ease your nerves.

then, a choked gasp was heard.

you immediately sat up, head snapping towards the source of the sound. you froze. the sight in front of you left you speechless.

the boy from earlier.

the one with the broken arm.

he had one end of a rolled up sheet in his fist, the other end between his bared teeth.

he was choking someone, strangling them with the shredded cloth.

“what the fuck are you doing?!” someone shouted, rushing over in attempt to save them. their face had turned a nasty shade of red, then blue. their nails were digging into the boy’s arm, scratching at him till he bled.

he looked over his shoulder, his gaze sharp. in one swift movement, he turned, his fist flying straight towards the cadet’s face.

crack.

the punch was powerful enough to knock her down, hands over her nose as she cried out in pain. he had broken her nose and Gods know what other bones in her face. he was strong. horrifyingly, so. you could feel your heart pounding in your ears. it muffled the sounds of chaos emitting from the other cadets.

“you have been assigned to the most dangerous, unpredictable section within this quadrant, because that is what you are.”

“anyone can be your enemy, whether it is today, tomorrow, or for the rest of your life.”

that was what he said.

but this was what he meant.

loyalty was not a given just because you were in the same squad.

“they are your family.”

a lie.

deception weaved between hopeful words, spoken with promise.

this wasn’t family.

this was survival.

and survival had only one rule.

to kill.

anyone can be your enemy, and that meant everyone was.

you leaned over the empty space between you, gripping hana’s arm and dragging her onto your bed. “they’re going to start killing each other.”

you could see the fear etched into her features, “but i thought—”

“no, hana. remember where we are. what we are trying to become. this is not a game,” everything began to piece itself together in your head.

“there are only so many dragons willing to bond each year. there are hundreds of us. dragons don’t bond with weak humans, remember?” you reminded her, hands tightening around her shoulders as if to ground her, to keep her from completely losing her mind in this moment.

the weak—they die first or they die at the hands of a dragon.

“the parapet, that guy?” she nodded her head, her whole body locked up in fear.

“he tried to kill you. and me. that didn’t end just because we made it across,” you could see the realization settle, her skin underneath your fingers suddenly feeling hot.

“this—this is cruel! this isn’t human! i don’t want to kill someone that’s fighting for the same thing i am!” you could see tears prick at her eyes.

you knew then.

she was scared.

weak.

that meant she was a target.

you knew being tied to her would make you one, too.

you had to make another choice.

kill her and turn into the monster you had sworn to become when you stepped foot on to that bridge, or protect her and cling onto the part of you that was still human.

you thought back to your family. what would they think of you if you had succumbed to the desire to kill? would they feel disgusted, horrified by who you were becoming? or would they praise you for surviving? Gods, was it cruel. to survive as a rider, you had to let go of humanity. it all made sense, too, which terrified you. you were here to fight for a spot—a bond.

dragons themselves, they’re monsters. you couldn’t escape that fate even if you tried, unless you were weak. unless a dragon deemed you unworthy and burned you to ashes on the spot.

unless you die.

“you don’t have to kill anyone. you just need to live.” your words left a bitter taste in your mouth, because you knew it was a lie.

this was just the beginning.

it starts with deceit.

then, it spirals into something savage.

a vicious truth you can never come back from.

all hell had broken loose.

cadets—some went for the kill, others stayed alert and chose to avoid conflict at all costs.

some kills were successful, others weren’t. their failures birthed resentment. they sparked grudges and fueled rivalries that would not be forgotten until death.

then, there was blood.

it stained the walls, flowed like connecting rivers along the ground. the only evidence that those people ever lived. their bodies had been thrown over the side, hitting the concrete below with a painful thud.

it was brutal.

the scent of death. it made you sick. you could feel the bile rising in your throat, yet you forced it back down. you couldn’t show weakness. you already had a giant target on your back. so, you didn’t sleep. you forced yourself to stay awake, to watch. the moment you fell asleep, a hand could reach for your throat, a blade could sink itself into your heart.

so you sat there. right in the middle of the storm.

you prayed.

you prayed that your body would stay awake from pure adrenaline, that if someone lunged at you now, you would be able to react without hesitation.

without fear.

you allowed it to dissolve, slip between your fingers and get buried beneath everything else. you stored it away in a tiny, little box in your mind. you couldn’t afford to be afraid, because fear gets you killed.

to survive, you had to become it.

by the time dawn had arrived, there were eleven of you left.

four people—dead.

hana was curled up beside you, her hands wrapped tightly around your arm, using your presence as an anchor to reality. your eyes were dry and irritated from being open for so long. a gentle breeze stirred the air. you could see the sun rising above the horizon from where you sat. you made it through the first day.

three years was starting to look a lot less doable.

the door creaked open.

a boy, one you hadn’t seen before, stood at the archway. all eyes fell on him.

he scanned the room, noticing the sudden decrease in cadets. his expression was unreadable. you could see the faint shadow of his stubble across his jaw, his dark brown hair falling just below his eyes. there was a scar on his left eyebrow, cutting dangerously close to his eyelid.

“training begins in twenty minutes. gather your things and meet in the hall once you are ready. your squad leader is not particularly fond of late attendance,” he ignored the blood. he didn’t even bother asking about the four missing people. he treated it like it was normal, and maybe, it was.

you stood up from your bed, slipping on your boots. hana did the same, but her movements seemed more sluggish. she hadn’t slept a wink, either. after the events of yesterday, you were sure you would drop dead in a few hours. your body was exhausted, bruised, bleeding, and you had no time to properly rest. the cuts on your palms had reopened. you could feel the sting every time your hands flexed to tie your laces together. the once clean gauze was now a dull brown color. your torso felt raw, the bruising always being worse the second day, but they didn’t care. no matter what injuries you may have, it didn’t matter. bruised ribs and broken arms were an occupational hazard—came with the job.

you pushed the pain down into that same little box you had made up in your head. the more you focused on the sting and the ache, the worse it would feel.

you followed the others outside of the room, hana trailing behind you. you could sense she had been thinking all night, her brain trying to justify everything all at once.

regret, shame, and fear.

she felt it all. now, she couldn’t back out. it was too late.

your only way out of the rider’s quadrant was to die.

the training room was big; big enough to hold sixteen people.

the room had everything a rider-in-training could ask for. sparring mats laid across the floor, spaced apart with perfect precision. punching bags hung on one end of the room, while the other end had a wall lined with weapons.

real weapons. not sparring sticks and wooden swords, but real ones. the steel glistened as sunlight reflected off of it.

all the cadets stood in orderly formation. you chose to ignore the four empty spaces behind you. at the front stood squad leader yang, the male from earlier, a woman, and two other men you had never seen before. they all emitted the same energy.

powerful, cunning, and unforgiving.

pure blood dragon riders.

“made it on time, i see.”

yang.

your eye twitched in annoyance, or exhaustion; you weren’t sure. you ignored his remark, gaze turning towards the unfamiliar faces.

the woman—she had short pink hair that stopped right above her shoulders. with her outfit, you could see a deep scar that ran down her forearm in a straight line. on the same arm, right at the bicep, was a mark. a tattoo, of sorts, that signified a rider’s bond with their dragon. the sigil was made with intricate lines, its vines wrapping around a blade that hung upside-down in the center.

the boy from earlier—he carried a weight that seemed centuries old. he looked to be around your age, maybe a little bit older, but still in his early twenties. he had taken off his overcoat, the black shirt he was wearing hugging his figure a little too well. his arms were toned and muscular, a result of the constant training and battles he had probably endured. there were no markings on his arms, aside from a few small scars that cascaded down to his wrists. there was a small symbol on his shirt, on the right side of his chest. a faint, gold emblem of a dragon facing the sky with two rings around it. you weren’t sure what it signified. a mark of importance, surely.

then, there was the male right beside him—there was something cold about him. his pale skin, sharp eyes, his hair messily splayed across his forehead. he was a kind of beautiful that was dangerous, the kind where if you got too close, you’d be burned (ironically). you noticed the little moles that decorated his face, almost invisible from where you stood. there was a scar on his cheek and one that ran down the side of his neck, disappearing underneath his black t-shirt. he was slightly bigger than the previous, the muscles in his arms bulging against the sleeves. his shoulders were broad and he was tall.

'Gods, forgive me.'

his bicep was covered with what looked to be branches, sharp and bare, wrapping fully around the limb like barbed wire. you knew he was strong. he didn’t need to prove himself for everyone to know what he was capable of.

right beside him stood another man you hadn’t met yet—this one had a quieter aura. not soft, just quiet, like a snake waiting for its prey. his arms were crossed over his chest. his top missed their sleeves, showing off his shoulders. he was turned towards the pinkette, conversing with her about something. it seemed serious. your eyes trailed to his back. it was slightly visible due to the missing parts of his top. you could make out a few dark, tattooed lines on his back. however, you couldn’t quite figure out what it was. his hair was brushed out of his face, parted neatly down the middle to expose his forehead. what surprised you was there were no marks on him. his skin was clear of damage, not a single abnormality to be seen. that intrigued you. he seemed older than you, too, so it would only make sense for him to have some sort of battle scars.

finally, your eyes landed on yang. the blonde boy that had your blood pressure rising by just existing. though, you couldn’t do anything about it. he was your squad leader. you had to obey him.

like a dog.

his hair was messy, too, but it still fell perfectly in front of his eyes. it pissed you off beyond imagination. he was wearing the same outfit as the rest of them—wide, black cargo pants and a simple black shirt, except his also had a symbol on it. it was the same as the other, but his had one ring instead of two. it made sense, then. it was an insignia of leadership.

you assumed the other boy was his second in command. his skin was empty of scars, too. maybe they were hidden, not visible to just anyone. as he turned around, your eyes caught the etching behind his neck. it barely peaked over his shirt, but you saw it. right below the tips of his golden hair were thick, intricate lines that most likely ran down the expanse of his backside. his shoulders were wide. it made you wonder how big his sigil was, too.

maybe it was as big as his ego.

he stepped forward, arms folding over his chest.

they really enjoyed doing that here.

“welcome to your first day of training. today, you will learn how to fight—hand to hand combat. proper physical ability is crucial. strength, stamina, speed, all of it. bonding with a dragon gives you abilities others could not even dream to touch, but it does not guarantee your life. battling with your hands is just as important,” he nodded his head at the four people behind him. they stepped up to the front in perfect sync. it was practiced, controlled, like they were military folk.

“the five of us will be watching over you all as you spar. you will go in pairs. if you don’t have a partner, you can choose someone who has previously went—or one of us.” the cadets swallowed nervously at that.

“second in command, lee heeseung,” the boy from this morning. he gave nothing but a slight nod of his head. “if i am ever absent and you need assistance, he will be who you go to.”

“park sunghoon, park jongseong, and nyra solmere—second and third year dragon riders. if you require extra training, you may rely on them as well,”

“don’t forget yourself, pretty boy.” the pinkette, now known as nyra, spoke. it earned a snicker from heeseung, both of their faces twisting with mischief.

“yang jungwon, everybody. your squad leader and a second year dragon rider. pretty impressive if you ask me. isn’t that right?” her tone was light, like she was teasing.

the blonde rolled his eyes, an annoyed huff leaving his lips. “back to more important matters,” he emphasized the word ‘important’ with a pointed glare, earning a shrug from nyra.

“do you think they’re dating?” hana whispered, eyes flickering between the two of them. “doubt it. riders don’t have time to date. plus, he’s a total dickhead. i’d feel sorry for anyone dating that.”

she looked at you in surprise, her lips morphing into a little smile, “not a fan. got it.”

“partner up. then, we will have each pair go one at a time.” the cadets began choosing their sparring partners. you and hana stuck beside each other, naturally. you both watched as the first two stepped up to the sparring mat. they stood facing each other, but had their attention turned towards jungwon to await instructions.

“the rules are as follows—no magic, not that you have any. other than that, no rules.” his arms remained crossed, eyes narrowing slightly on the first years before him, “you could kill each other, too, if you want.”

the room stilled. even here, where they would prepare you to take on the dangers of the outside world, you could die. there was no safety within the corners of these walls. you couldn’t risk trusting anyone. at least, not fully.

not even hana.

your thoughts became littered with doubt. what if she was using you? pretending to be your friend so she could ultimately kill you in the end? that’s what this was, right?

a survival of the fittest.

you couldn’t let those ideas take over. you had protected her and she saved your life. that had to have meant something.

you watched as they began to spar. their movements were calculated, perhaps they had trained well before today. every punch that landed was met with a returning kick or block. they fought like their lives depended on it. you didn’t know if one would try to kill the other or not, but they fought like that possibility could hold true at any moment. as if on cue, one of them reached into their boot, pulling out a short dagger. she lunged at her partner, plunging the blade into their stomach. you flinched, specks of their blood landing on your pants. she pulled the blade out, watching as they collapsed onto their knees. you could barely register the crimson that tainted your clothes before a loud sigh cut through the suffocating silence.

“alright, clean it up.” jungwon’s voice ordered, not even bothering to spare them another glance. sunghoon stepped forward, scooping up the cadet with both arms before carrying them out of the room. you didn’t know if they were dead or alive. perhaps, you’ll find out tomorrow. “so, who wants to go next?”

more began to step up. some were left with bruised knuckles, broken ribs and fingers, black eyes, and cuts so deep they would leave a mark once healed. this time around, nobody had died. you couldn’t get your hopes up, though. there was still a chance it could be you. if hana was as sly as your brain had convinced you she was—

“you,” you glanced in the direction of the five riders. all of their attention was on you as jungwon stepped onto the mat, eyes locked with yours.

“you’re with me.”

suddenly, that chance was a lot higher than you thought.

you stared at him in shock, fingers twitching at your sides. “i already chose a partner.”

jungwon glanced between you and hana, his shoulders lifting with a shrug.

“she can partner up with someone else. plus, there’s eleven of you. one of you would have to spar with one of us anyway. why not make it interesting. right, cadet?” that look on his face. it was the same one he wore when you had prepared to climb the steps of the parapet. again, he was challenging you, as if you needed to prove yourself to him.

it felt unfair.

why you, of all people?

your jaw clenched, annoyance bubbling up inside of you before you walked onto the mat. this was it. you were going to die. you were sure of it. from the very beginning, you could tell he hated you. the feeling was mutual, but you weren’t sure how far his hatred spanned.

maybe he simply thought you were weak, unfit to become a rider.

someone to pick on.

maybe your existence offended him. he could kill you now for whatever reason and nobody would care, because death was normal in the dragon-riding quadrant, no matter the circumstances.

as if he could hear your thoughts, his smile fell. “don’t worry. i don’t bite.”

if looks could kill, you would be dead already.

you fought the urge to scoff. before you could respond, he lunged at you. you ducked your head, a useless attempt at evading him. he grabbed your arm, twisting it behind your back before slamming you into the wall. you yelped in pain, feeling you shoulder twist in a way that was unnatural. “doing nothing gets you killed, cadet.”

you could feel his warm breath against the side of your temple as he spoke, pulling you back and spinning you around to kick at your legs. your knees buckled, sending you straight into the ground. your shoulder made an agonizing ‘pop’ sound, making you cry out. the pain traveled through your entire body, every nerve set ablaze. he dug his knee into your back, his hand pushing hard against your shoulder.

he was on top of you now, leaning forward to whisper into your ear, “you’re weak. it’s pathetic, really. you try too hard to control yourself. instead of doing something with that anger, you stand there—hesitating. waiting. like it’ll go away on its own,”

he forced his knee deeper into your spine, a pained moan escaping your lips, “you don’t deserve to be here. if you can’t even hurt the person you swear you hate the most, what can you do? who can you kill?” jungwon watched as a stray tear fell from your eyes, trickling onto the mat below you.

“crying won’t get you off this floor, cadet. are you going to fight back, or are you going to prove me right? prove to everyone watching right now that you don’t have what it takes to be a rider?” he leaned in closer, his hair tickling your cheek.

“prove that you’re better off dead?”

your body was screaming at you to surrender. you shoulder was throbbing, the sharp pain made you dizzy. deep down, you knew—he wasn’t completely wrong. you had tried, tirelessly, not to let your emotions take over and turn you into a monster. you did everything in your power to avoid becoming what you despired.

becoming someone like him.

he who didn’t hesitate. it didn’t matter that he was your leader. not once did his thoughts waver before hurting you. he probably wouldn’t think twice about killing you, either. it made you realize something.

it was how he’s survived.

jungwon, sunghoon, nyra, and especially heeseung and jongseong. they were third years. they were living, breathing proof that it was possible to make it that far alive, but that came with sacrifice.

their eyes were empty because they gave up something along the way.

their souls.

you knew deep down, they weren’t bad people. they were riders—fighting to survive. they didn’t choose to do it; they had to. born into this world and forced to live a life they never chose.

and if living meant losing a piece of yourself, they would do it again.

you kicked your leg up, wrapping it around his thigh before flipping the both of you over. the searing pain from your shoulder made you hiss, instinctively reaching to cradle it in your hand.

the box.

you forced the feeling down, as far as it would go before closing it completely. you had to tune it out.

jungwon stared at you, the same smirk returning to his face, “not much of a damsel in distress after all, are you?”

before you could think, you punched him. it was enough to make his head turn, cheek meeting the ground. almost instantly, he grabbed at your hips and pushed you off of him. you landed on your side, having rolled a few feet away from your original spot. he stood there, thumb wiping away at the blood on his mouth. his eyebrows quirked up, as if he was waiting for you to attack him again. you got up off the floor, biting the inside of your cheek to distract yourself from the pain of your (definitely) dislocated shoulder.

you charged at him, fist flying. jungwon dodged every hit, taking the opportunity to land a hard punch on your ribs. you folded over in pain, giving him an opening to pull you towards him. you gasped as your back met his chest, one arm tightly wrapped around your torso as the other leveled with your chin. the thin edge of his dagger pressed against your neck, hard enough to draw blood. you whined softly at the burning sensation, hands reaching up to grab at his arm. the last of your strength had left you, your knees fighting the urge to buckle again. if he wasn’t holding you up with his arms, you would have collapsed by now.

“see, better, but you’re still weak. your stamina needs improvement and so does your speed. your strength is there, but strength without strategy is useless. the next time we spar, i expect to never get you in this position again,” his voice was low. everything he was saying was meant for you and you alone. you hated how he was right—hated how he probably went easy on you because he had always known you were incapable of winning against him, or anyone.

‘the next time we spar,’ those words stuck with you. this wouldn’t be the last time you go up against him.

Gods, you were fucked.

"stop hesitating, y/n," his arms dropped to his sides, sheathing the dagger back into its rightful place. the minute his hold loosened on you, you stumbled forward.

your shoulder.

the pain came rushing back in, your opposite hand reaching up to keep it in place. hana rushed to your side, holding you up carefully as to not hurt you any further.

“nyra, take her outside. and you—” he pointed at hana, “let’s go. your partner is waiting.”

hana looked at you, worry evident in her gaze. you waved her off, assuring her that you’ll be okay. she swallowed dryly, pausing before giving you a nod. you watched as she headed onto the mat. you could only hope you would see her return to the barracks afterwards.

nyra stopped in front of you, her head tilting towards the door. “c’mon. off we go.” you followed after her, muscles relaxing in relief at the thought of her taking you to a healer. maybe jake—

“shirt, off.”

what?

you stared at her, dumbfounded. this was the second time someone had asked you to strip, and now you really didn’t know why it was necessary—

“remember what he said, cadet. no hesitation? this is a direct order. hurry on, take it off.” her hands moved animatedly as she rushed you to undress. with a sigh, you took off your top, careful not to strain your shoulder too much. she took it from your hands, folding it up slightly before holding it at your mouth. “okay, now bite.”

you knew exactly where this was going—and you fucking hated it. this was going to hurt.

bad.

you opened your mouth, teeth digging into the rolled up fabric. you wanted to ask her to prepare you, but your plea came out muffled. before you knew it, she had pushed you up against the wall. you felt her hand grab at your shoulder, rubbing it gently with her palm before—

*POP!*

your scream was silenced by the shirt in your mouth, eyes tightly shut. the pain was agonizing. there were spots in your vision, and the urge to faint was strong. after a few minutes, it slowly began to subside. it left behind a dull ache, but you were able to somewhat mobilize your shoulder again. “there. a little unprofessional, but the healers are busy right now. so you got me instead.”

you turned around, leaning against the wall as you ripped the shirt out of your mouth, “thanks, i guess.” the blood from your neck trailed down your sternum, seeping into the band of your bra. you stared at it in disgust, “can i at least a new shirt? and something for.. this?”

nyra bit her lip, holding back what you assumed was a laugh. with a raise of her eyebrows, she motioned you to follow her. the two of you walked in silence. luckily, all the cadets were too busy training to be wandering the hallways this early in the morning. she stopped in front of a large door, her hand waving in front of the lock before hearing it click open. it revealed a large room, decorated with vines and flora that dangled from the ceiling. in the center was a large bed, one that looked much more comfortable than the mattresses you had been assigned to in your barrack.

nyra walked over to her drawer, pulling it open before digging for something. she tossed you a plain black shirt, similar to the one you had worn. “i haven’t worn that thing since my first year. you can have it. it’ll probably fit you better, anyway,” her finger drew a little circle around her chest.

your cheeks lit up, quickly mumbling a ‘thank you’ before carefully slipping the top on. “come, sit. let me treat that nasty ass cut.”

you listened obediently, hands resting in your lap as she sat in between your legs. her fingers gently grabbed at your chin, lifting your head up to get better access to your neck.

“you know, jungwon wasn’t gonna kill you, right?”

you let out a scoff at that, “yeah, well, didn’t seem like it. look what he did to me.”

“he means well. plus, he’s right. you are weak,"

okay.

ouch.

at least, right now you are. i can tell you’re afraid—scared of what’s to come and who you might turn into,” you hissed when she pressed a damp cotton round on your wound. she ignored your pained protest, continuing to dress the wound as she spoke, “you’re here to become a rider. that comes with a price. you need to start thinking about what’s really important. i know we can’t decide that for you, but survival should always come first. friends—people in general—they come and they go. now, i’m not saying don’t build any relationships here, but loyalty is earned. it isn’t a given. you can't trust so easily,” you sat quietly, digesting her words.

“you know about the bonding process, right?”

you gently shook your head.

“once a dragon chooses to bond with you, your lives becomes one. if your dragon dies, so do you. if you die well, they survive, but they’ll be grieving for a very long time. some end up as recluses and refuse to bond ever again. others can turn vengeful. it gets ugly—being a rider. a bond doesn’t just mean you’re gifted with powers. it’s a soul tie. a real, serious connection. your bonded becomes your everything. you feel each other’s emotions, each other’s pain, all that shit. do you see now why you can’t afford to be weak? why you have to put yourself above all else? there's no room for error out there. you either live or you die. no second chances, no blessings from fate or Morvak to protect you,” she pauses, her fingers smoothly taping the thin bandage to your neck.

nyra stands, tossing the remaining trash into a bin. she peers down at you, offering a gentle smile, “i know you have it in you to make it to bonding. jungwon doesn’t though, so if you wanna get on his good side you’ll have to prove yourself. he takes the ‘squad leader’ role very seriously, if you couldn’t tell."

you roll your eyes at that.

“it’s quite clear.”

“i’m sure you’ve heard it already, but you were put in this section for a reason. ‘the most dangerous and unpredictable’ or whatever formal bullshit jungwon was spewing yesterday. that title also means we can be one of the most powerful, and he refuses to let anyone dampen that. it’s a little power hungry, but once you see what it’s like, being one of us, it’ll start to make sense.”

you stood up, too, smoothing out your shirt, “thank you, nyra.”

“don’t mention it. seriously. he’ll kill me if he knew i was kissing up to you,” you both chuckle at that.

“but, just know, if you need anything you can come to me. i won’t try to kill you—ironic after that whole speech i just gave you—but i promise. consider me an ally,” she held out her pinky finger, wiggling it at you. you stared at it for a second before holding up your own, interlocking it with hers. nyra smiles at the gesture before pulling her hand away.

“come, they’ve probably finished by now. i’m fucking starving,” you followed her out of her room, the two of you heading towards the dining hall. you were grateful for her kindness. you could tell, from her words alone, that she had experienced suffering before.

enough times to make her accept the sheer weight of the world that was in front of her, but you didn’t want to pry.

one day, you think, you’ll ask.

for now, you could only hope she was telling the truth when she said jungwon didn’t want you dead.

the dining hall was filled with people. some chattered amongst themselves while others ate quietly, shying away from everybody else. you grabbed a tray, turning to speak with nyra but she had already ran off. you watched her skip over to her friends, sliding into the spot between who you remembered to be jongseong and heeseung. you sighed, making your way towards an empty table. you sat in silence, picking at your food with your fork. you hadn’t eaten a meal in over a day, yet you had no appetite.

everything you had dealt with in the past twenty four hours had finally sank into place in your brain. in such a short time, you had seen, and come close to, so much death. you don’t know when you would become numb to the feeling, and a part of you hoped you never would. the feeling in your chest—it was another reminder that you were still alive. you pulled apart the roll of bread, popping a piece into your mouth. your thoughts were running wild with no way to silence them.

then, you heard a tray drop in front of you. glancing up, your eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. “oh my god, hana,”

she offered you a strained smile, wincing at the stretch of her lips. her cheek was a deep shade of purple and blue, swollen beyond comprehension, the wound on her forehead barely taped shut, and the cut on her lip had dried over with blood. “yeah, he got me pretty good..”

hana sat down across from you, arms folded over and resting on the table, “i’m happy to see you’re okay, though. sorry i couldn’t stay with you.. that jungwon guy. he seriously freaks me out. i really thought he was going to kill you, y’know?” you sighed.

you’ve been doing that a lot lately.

“yeah, i did too.”

“how are you feeling?”

you instinctively rolled your shoulder, “better. my ribs are definitely gonna be more bruised tomorrow and my shoulder fully came out of its socket, and i had a knife held to my neck, but i’m better. yeah.”

your eyes flicked over to nyra’s table. the blonde was sat across from her, wordlessly eating his food as his friends conversed with each other. you watched him, like you were trying to pick him apart piece by piece. why did he single you out like that? why does he hate you so much? you barely knew the guy, and yet, he has already become your sworn enemy.

the advice he gave you. it was supposed to help you, but it also hurt.

his words.

the fear that took over your body when he had that blade at your throat. at this point, you didn’t care about the ‘why’. he was a force to be reckoned with.

a monster.

nyra’s words were forgotten, and that same fiery hot hatred started to consume you once more.

you were sure of it, now.

you hated yang jungwon.

after your meal, you decided to head back to the training room. you had told hana you wanted to be alone for a bit—get in some extra practice. reluctantly, she agreed. you entered the room, gently shutting the door behind you. in reality, you didn’t know how you could possibly train with a messed up shoulder and limited movement of your mid section.

you just craved space, to turn off your mind and let the silence in. you had not a moment of peace since you arrived at the school, not that you ever anticipated it. it was a war college, after all.

the scent of sweat and blood lingered in the air. you stared at the mat—the one where jungwon had pinned you. the memory makes your muscles ache, the image of being held down replaying in your mind like a broken record. you thought about how you felt in that moment: helpless. if it had been someone else, if you had been in such a place out there in the real world, you don’t think you would have lived to see another day.

you kneeled on the floor, fingertips grazing the rubber-like surface. you had never trained to become a rider.

at least, not really.

your father was one and you resented him for it. his presence had been absent, the side of his bed was always cold. your mother had dealt with the worst of it all—her own husband, constantly on the brink of death while she sat alone at home with two kids, wondering if she would ever get to see him again.

what had hurt the most was not being able to say goodbye.

one day, the letters stopped coming. you had hoped, maybe, they had simply been lost in transit. maybe they forgot to pick it up, or accidentally mailed it to the house next door. when you had asked, you were met with pity.

no letter.

the last time you had seen him was two years before he disappeared, having been called north for an important flight mission. months had passed and eventually, you accepted that he may have died.

that was six years ago.

you were now twenty years old now. the grief had turned into anger. part of it was at him for becoming a rider, the other was at how you would never truly know. now, you were working your way towards becoming one yourself. the irony of it all made you cringe.

you felt it, though.

that feeling again.

hope—the last bits of it that sat heavily in between your rib cage.

if you succeed in becoming a rider, you could find out what happened. you could finally understand the reason for his disappearance and bring peace to your family. that hope was now dimming, the weight of everything making its way through the cracks.

a sudden noise pulled you back into reality. your head spun around, locking eyes with the person that just walked in. you felt a coldness spread within you.

it was her.

the girl from the stairs.

you quickly stood up, trying your hardest not to wince at the pain flaring up in your body. you couldn't show her you were hurt. she shut to door behind her, fingers moving to turn the lock. “so, you made it after all,” your throat ran dry, heart pounding violently in your chest. she took a step towards you, a wicked grin on her face.

“should’ve taken my advice, though,” her voice raised in pitch, the tone of it mocking. “throwing yourself off that bridge may have be more merciful than this.”

© wrldhoon 2025

[simplyraeblue]

King and Captive

(Hunter and Hunted Spin-Off) read here

modern au a chance meeting with Sukuna quickly turns into a nightly routine you can't escape. as the lines between game and something more blur, you start to wonder—how long can you keep playing, or will Sukuna make you his next conquest? !Sukuna x !femreader

chapter warnings/tags: swearing, light suggestive themes, use of "princess", "she" pronoun used, a few more characters appear, Sukuna and reader are both hot for each other, a hot mess if you squint lol A/N: what does it say about me that my dreams are now occupied by this fic three chapters in? anywaaaaays, hope I did the guest appearances justice with their personalities (｡- .•) I try to remind myself this is a modern au and I can't just allow Sukuna to be too "King of Curses" like lol. index part two | part four

part three word count : 2,711

Sukuna had always thought that love wouldn’t be something he easily fell into. he was torn between the idea that no one would be right for him – or that he would never be right for anyone. last summer felt like it had proved the latter to be true, even though he knew why things ended up the way they did.

but now, you kept coming back. back to that bar every day, back to his thoughts constantly. he couldn’t stop thinking about you and the feelings he got whenever you were around. excitement, intrigue, and most of all, awe. you took his playful insults and dished them back tenfold – something he was growing used to enjoying.

and yet you were still flustered around him. and that made him even more thrilled. whenever he’d get your cheeks to flush, or your gaze averted from him, he counted it as a win, just because he got to see your expression change. and when it did, he could tell that slowly, but surely, you were falling as fast as he was.

despite your best efforts, you were. the idea that after work you could meet Sukuna at the bar made the day go by much faster. you were even finding yourself primping in the mirror before leaving. and god forbid, your dreams at night… filthy. and filled with him.

you had denied yourself long enough right? he was interested in you, wasn’t entirely crazy, and was very very attractive. maybe it was time to finally kick your vengeance act into gear – Sukuna was the perfect candidate.

imagine your surprise when you stepped out of work, expecting the usual walk around the corner to the bar, only to find Sukuna leaning casually against his motorcycle, waiting for you. the sight sent a shiver down your spine. he held the strap of his helmet loosely with two fingers, slung over his shoulder like he had all the time in the world. when his crimson eyes met yours, that wicked grin of his spread across his face.

“well, this is unexpected,” you said as you approached, arms crossed in mock suspicion. “escaping our bar again?”

“you said our bar,” Sukuna pointed out, clearly relishing the words as he repeated them, his grin widening. “I like the sound of that. has a nice ring to it.”

you rolled your eyes. “don’t get used to it.”

“too late,” he shot back smoothly, his gaze fixed on you with a glint of mischief. “but I had a better idea today. you up for a little adventure?”

you raised a brow, glancing at his bike. “this isn’t one of those adventures where I mysteriously disappear and end up on the evening news, is it?”

Sukuna chuckled, a low, rumbling sound that sent warmth curling in your chest. “damn, you caught on to step six of my evil master plan,” he said, smirking.

“step six? what happened to steps one through five?” you asked, playing along despite the butterflies in your stomach.

“oh, those are just the warm-up,” Sukuna replied, leaning closer, his voice dipping just enough to send a thrill through you. “but don’t worry, princess. you’ll enjoy this.”

you hesitated for just a moment before nodding. “fine. but if this so-called adventure involves anything sketchy, I’m out.”

Sukuna’s grin only widened as he handed you the spare helmet, the same one you’d worn the night before. “relax, you’re in good hands. now, hop on.”

you clung to him a little tighter on the ride than you wanted to admit, the warmth of his back and the cool wind rushing past making for a strange, intoxicating contrast.

when the bike finally slowed, you glanced up, expecting some scenic overlook or hole-in-the-wall restaurant. instead, Sukuna pulled into the lot of a sleek, modern building. neon lights illuminated the name of the business: Cursed Ink.

“a tattoo shop?” you asked, sliding off the bike as he steadied it on the kickstand.

“my tattoo shop,” Sukuna corrected, pride lacing his tone as he pulled off his helmet.

you followed him inside, the smell of antiseptic and faint hints of ink filling the air. “wow,” you murmured, your eyes drifting to a wall of framed photographs showcasing some of the shop’s best work. “this is… impressive.”

“told you I’m full of surprises,” Sukuna said, watching you with an expression that was almost unreadable. he gestured toward one of the tattoo stations, where a black chair sat beneath a lamp. “that’s my spot.”

your gaze followed his hand, taking in the neatly arranged inks, the well-worn sketchpad sitting off to the side. “so, what? you brought me here to show off?”

“maybe,” he said with a shrug, but his grin hinted at more. “or maybe I figured you’d like to see a different side of me. you’re always so quick to think you’ve got me figured out.”

you turned to him, crossing your arms. “and what side is this, exactly?”

“the real one,” he said simply. “you’ve seen me at the bar, running my mouth and messing with you. but this? this is what I do. it’s what I’m good at.”

there was something uncharacteristically earnest in his tone, and it caught you off guard. you glanced around again, your gaze lingering on the bold, intricate designs hanging on the walls. “did you do these?”

“most of them,” Sukuna said, his voice tinged with cockiness. “the others are from the team. they’re good, but…” he trailed off, his smirk returning. “let’s be honest. I’m better.”

you rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t help the small smile tugging at your lips. “of course you’d say that.”

“wanna see for yourself?” he challenged, stepping closer, his crimson eyes gleaming.

your pulse quickened as you caught the implication in his words. “what are you suggesting?”

“I’m saying,” Sukuna said, leaning against the counter, “if you’re feeling brave, I could give you a little something. something that’ll remind you of tonight.”

you hesitated, glancing at the tattoo chair, then back at Sukuna. the way his crimson eyes gleamed with challenge sent a rush of heat to your cheeks. “yeah, no,” you said firmly, crossing your arms. “I’m not letting you put a needle anywhere near me.”

Sukuna raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. “scared, princess?”

“scared?” you repeated with a scoff. “of you? hardly. but I’m not about to let you permanently mark me just because you feel like showing off.”

he chuckled, the sound low and rich as he leaned back against the counter, arms crossed in mock defeat. he planned to mark you one day alright, just not with ink. “your loss. you could’ve had something to remember me by.”

“oh, trust me,” you shot back, narrowing your eyes. “I think you’re already impossible to forget.”

his smirk widened at that, his gaze lingering on you just a little longer than necessary. “good,” he said simply, pushing off the counter and motioning for you to follow. “guess I’ll just have to show you around instead.”

you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding and trailed behind him as he led you through the shop.

the place had more personality than you’d expected—walls lined with artwork, some of which you learned were Sukuna’s own designs.

“alright,” you admitted after he finished showing off a dragon piece that stretched across an entire back. “I’ll give you this—you’re good. like, really good.”

“finally, some recognition,” Sukuna teased, his grin smug. “I was starting to think you didn’t appreciate my talents.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” you replied, but the small smile tugging at your lips betrayed you.

suddenly, the bell at the front door chimed, signaling someone had entered the shop. you glanced at Sukuna, raising an eyebrow as his mouth tugged into an irritated frown.

“sounds like the rest of the clowns decided to show up,” he muttered, his tone dripping with exasperation.

“Suku! saw your bike out front!” called a cheerful male voice, loud enough to echo through the shop. Sukuna’s eyes rolled so hard you were surprised they didn’t get stuck.

“should I be worried about your friends?” you teased, but the grim look on Sukuna’s face made you half-wonder if it was a legitimate concern.

“they’re not friends,” Sukuna corrected, his irritation palpable. “they’re my partners. Suguru and Uraume. and along with them is Suguru’s best friend—who also happens to be the most annoying brat I’ve ever met—Satoru.”

right on cue, three figures appeared from around the corner. the first, Suguru Geto, was tall and composed, with long, sleek black hair tied back. next to him, Uraume stood with an air of quiet confidence. their sharp gaze darted between you and Sukuna, as if assessing the situation before speaking.

trailing behind was Satoru Gojo, whose striking white hair and smug grin made him an instant attention-grabber. he wore round sunglasses despite it being nighttime, and his energy was as loud and brash as his voice.

“well, well,” Satoru began, striding forward with his hands in his pockets. “what’s this? Sukuna actually entertaining a guest? didn’t know you had it in you, buddy.”

“shut the fuck up, Gojo,” Sukuna snapped, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Suguru gave you a polite nod, his tone smooth as he said, “don’t mind him. Satoru’s personality is… an acquired taste.”

“hey asshole! I heard that!” Satoru chimed, leaning forward to get a closer look at you. “so, who’s this? did you finally manage to find someone who doesn’t hate your guts, Sukuna?”

your lips twitched at the jab, but you stayed quiet, letting Sukuna handle the chaos.

“that's none of your business,” Sukuna growled, stepping slightly in front of you as if to shield you from whatever nonsense was about to follow.

Uraume’s gaze lingered on you for a moment before they turned to Sukuna, their voice calm and neutral. “you didn’t tell us you had company tonight.”

“I don’t need to tell you everything, do I?” Sukuna shot back.

“you never do,” Uraume said, the faintest hint of a smirk gracing their lips.

Suguru chuckled under his breath before addressing you directly. “forgive the intrusion. I’m Suguru. and the loud one is Satoru.”

“I’m right here!” Satoru protested, waving dramatically.

“and this is Uraume,” Suguru continued, ignoring the interruption.

you nodded at each of them, feeling the weight of their scrutiny but refusing to let it show. “nice to meet you. I guess.”

Satoru grinned, leaning toward Sukuna with a mock whisper. “she’s feisty.”

“say one more thing, and I’ll kick you out myself,” Sukuna threatened, his patience clearly wearing thin.

the group laughed—well, mostly Satoru and Suguru—while Uraume merely shook their head, as if used to the chaos.

Suguru leaned casually against the counter, arms crossed, his gaze flickering between you and Sukuna. “didn’t peg you as the type to bring someone here, Sukuna. let me guess, you’ve been bragging about how you’re the best artist in the city?”

Sukuna smirked, his annoyance ebbing slightly. “don’t need to brag. everyone already knows.”

“yeah, yeah,” Satoru cut in, waving a hand dismissively before plopping himself onto one of the tattoo chairs. “but damn, what’s the deal? you’ve been dodging our calls, and now we find you playing tour guide?” he turned to you, grinning like a cheshire cat. “what kind of blackmail material do you have on him?”

you couldn’t help but snort at the absurdity. “I think he just likes tormenting me in person.”

Satoru laughed loudly, slapping the arm of the chair. “oh shit, she’s funny. I like her.”

Sukuna shot him a glare that could’ve withered a plant. “you’re testing my patience, Gojo.”

Uraume stepped forward, their tone as cool as ever. “should we expect you to actually focus on work tomorrow, or are you going to be… otherwise occupied?”

“I don’t report to you,” Sukuna snapped, his crimson eyes narrowing.

Suguru raised his hands in mock surrender, the picture of calm. “alright, alright, we’ll stop prying. but next time, maybe let us know when you’re busy, so we don’t interrupt your – ahem – quality time.”

Sukuna groaned, clearly regretting every life choice that led to this moment. “you’re all insufferable. I swear, one day—”

“yeah, yeah,” Satoru interrupted with a grin, spinning lazily in the chair. “one day you’ll kill us all. heard it a million fucking times. anyway,” he turned back to you, “you must be special if you’ve got the king of grump spending his evenings with you.”

you blinked, caught off guard by the shift in attention towards you again. before you could respond, Sukuna stepped in, his voice sharp. “she’s not here for your entertainment, Gojo. don’t you have some other poor soul to annoy?”

“not tonight,” Satoru replied cheerily, leaning back as if he owned the place.

Suguru gave you an apologetic glance, his expression softening. “he means well. most of the time.”

Uraume, meanwhile, was silent but observant, their gaze never straying far from you or Sukuna. you got the sense they were assessing something, but what, you couldn’t tell. their gaze made you feel… uneasy. like you were a specimen under a microscope.

“I think that’s enough,” Sukuna said suddenly, his tone leaving no room for argument. “you’ve seen me. I’m alive. now get lost.”

“aw, don’t be like that, Suku,” Satoru teased, standing and stretching dramatically. “we were just starting to have fun.”

“I’m serious,” Sukuna growled, his patience officially gone.

Suguru chuckled under his breath but relented, motioning for Satoru and Uraume to follow. “alright, we’ll leave you to it. but don’t think this means we’re done with you.”

Uraume cast Sukuna a long look before turning to you. “it was… interesting to meet you.”

“likewise,” you replied, though you weren’t entirely sure what to make of them. did they hate you already? did you have something on your face?

with that, the trio finally made their exit, the bell chiming once again as the door swung shut behind them.

the silence that followed was almost jarring. you turned to Sukuna, raising an eyebrow. “so… that’s your crew?”

“unfortunately,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair. “don’t let them scare you off. they’re more trouble than they’re worth.”

you smirked, leaning against the counter. “I don’t know. I kind of liked them.”

Sukuna groaned. “don’t encourage them. especially Gojo. that idiot doesn’t need more fuel for his damn ego.”

despite his grumbling, you could tell there was a begrudging fondness buried – deep – beneath the surface. it was strange, seeing Sukuna interact with people who clearly knew him so well, even if they drove him up the wall.

“alright, enough about them,” he said, his tone softening as he turned back to you. “where were we before the circus rolled in?”

you laughed softly. “something about me not letting you give me a tattoo?”

his lips curled into a smirk, the playful glint returning to his eyes. “right. you’re still a coward for that, by the way.”

“keep dreaming,” you shot back, but the warmth in his gaze made it hard to keep the smile off your face.

Sukuna leaned closer, his smirk sharp as ever, his voice dropping to a low rumble. “you know, you can’t avoid it forever. one day, you’ll let me leave my mark on you.”

“don’t count on it,” you replied, trying to sound defiant despite the way your heartbeat quickened.

“hmm,” he hummed, leaning back casually. “we’ll see.”

the tension hung in the air, thick and electric, before Sukuna finally grabbed his helmet and tossed it your way. you barely caught it, giving him a questioning look.

“come on,” he said, already heading for the door. “let’s get out of here, it’s getting late.”

you rolled your eyes but followed, the sound of the shop’s lights clicking off behind you.

as you climbed onto the back of his bike, your arms instinctively wrapped around his waist, the motion feeling almost second nature by now. it was startling how natural it felt—being this close to him, fitting into this unpredictable rhythm he’d drawn you into. a thought crept into your mind, frustratingly persistent: would you feel disappointed if he didn’t show up tomorrow?

the answer lingered in your chest, heavier than you expected.

⊹. ݁˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . taglist: @mangiswig@aldebrana@ravester@marie-is-in-the-dark@makingtimemine @sorahatake @osohchoso @csolya @clp-84 @chosokamoluvr . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ .

[jeankluv]

Birdie - Satoru Gojo | Chapter 17

words: 4k

summary: While everyone adored him, you stood apart in your feelings. It wouldn't be accurate to say you hated him, as " hate " was a strong word, rather, you harbored a profound dislike towards him. The problem was he knew that and his irritating presence seemed to persistently cling to you whenever he crossed your paths.

Now, you found yourself paired with him for your semester project, and the thought made you wish to hurl yourself out of the third-floor window. Three months of working alongside him loomed ahead. Adding to the discomfort, you were currently under the scrutiny of hundreds of eyes, each gaze feeling like a murder attempt. It seemed everyone coveted the opportunity to collaborate with Gojo Satoru, except for you.

ac: _3aem

tags: modern au, college au, fem!reader, academic rivals, he fell first, fluff, old money Gojo Satoru, abusive parents, slight slow burn, Satoru is a softy, secondary couple (Geto Suguru x oc), a bit of angst, no use of y/n, hurt/comfort, eventual smut, Gojo plays basketball, Gojo needs a hug

warning for this chapter: mentions of s€xual harassment

notes: posting this before chapter 265, bc I’m scared 😭 also during this month I will be posting a sneak peek of an upcoming Gojo fic I will be posting, if you want to be tagged to see the sneak peek please let me know , comment something like “I want to see the sneek peak” and I will tag you 💗

materialist | previous chapter | next chapter

jujutsu kaisen | ao3

Satoru Gojo POV

Satoru tied the buttons of the vest he was wearing. He had put on a navy blue three-piece suit, or rather he had been forced by the Utahime to do so. It seems that way he would go with you that night. Satoru looked at his reflection, he looked good, but no matter how much he dried his hands, they were still sweaty. Satoru was extremely nervous. There were a bunch of things that were in his head but they all danced around the charity gala that night.

He was nervous about the gala, about meeting his parents after the last time, meeting his grandparents, meeting the other families present, but what he was most nervous about was seeing you. Satoru didn't feel ashamed to take you to the gala if he could, Satoru would come in shouting from the rooftops to ask everyone to look at you and admire you. But Satoru knew that one wrong step could ruin everything and that could hurt you in a way he didn't want.

Putting his hand on his chest, he took a deep breath and grabbed his car keys to leave his apartment. There were still 20 minutes until the agreed time to see you, but Satoru preferred to wait for himself than make you wait so he drove, with his gaze fixed on the road.

The sun was still shining but the sky had already begun to take on that orange tone that indicated that night was about to arrive. It was evident that summer was just around the corner, the days had become longer and the temperatures had begun to rise. Satoru was looking forward to it, he had too many plans for the both of you in mind, he wanted to take you to the beach again, take you to festivals, to see the fireworks, etc., Satoru wanted to spend the first of many summers to come with you.

He parked the car, right in front of your house and stayed inside the car as he waited for the time to come. His leg moved up and down and his heart pumped heavily into his chest. He knew you were going to look beautiful and that he, was going to lose his head and fell to his knees.

With barely 5 minutes left, Satoru got out of his car and put on his suit so that it wouldn't look wrinkled after sitting in the car. He felt how the people passing by looked at him and began to whisper about him. Most of the time it was something he didn't care about, but now he just wanted a pair of eyes on his.

Satoru heard the door open and his heart began to race, he looked like a teenager in one of those American movies waiting for his partner to take her to the prom. With his hand on his chest, he watched you walk out onto the street and Satoru swore his heart could stop at that moment.

You were wearing a blue dress with gold details, with a v-neckline, which fit at your waist, highlighting your figure and then fell softly to the floor. Satoru approached you and took in the subtle makeup that highlighted your features. You were beautiful, no, the word beautiful was not enough to describe what Satoru's eyes saw. You were a queen, a goddess.

“Stop looking at me with those eyes.” You whispered hiding the heat of your face.

Satoru covered his mouth and then chuckled. “I’m sorry birdie.” His cheeks were red and hurting from the smile that was drawn on his face. “You look… oh god, I could die right here and now.”

You softly laughed and Satoru felt how he was falling in love with you all over again. “Please don’t, I don’t want to use this beautiful dress to be sitting in a hospital room.”

Satoru laughed and kissed your cheeks. “I think we have some stalkers.” He moved his eyebrows looking behind you.

You turned around and looked where Satoru was looking. “I told you to stay inside!” You cried looking at Kyoko and her parents.

“Sorry, sorry but you two look so cute.” Kyoko said with a smile.

You huffed and took Satoru's hand. “Let's go.”

“Have fun and be careful.” You heard Kyoko's mother and father scream. You said goodbye with a smile and got into Satoru's car.

Satoru waved goodbye to them too and entered the car, looking at you with a smile. “Ready?” You nodded, but Satoru noticed your nervous expression, so he intertwined his hands and raised it to his mouth. "Everything will be fine." He said planting a kiss on your hand.

“Thank you.” You whispered with a smile.

Satoru just nodded and resignedly let go of your hand, to hold the steering wheel and drive off to reach the venue where the charity gala would be held. Even though Satoru had tried to reassure you, he was also extremely nervous, either way he wanted to avoid meeting his parents in that place or someone who could potentially ruin your evening, so he would make sure to have all his instincts on alert to that nothing happened and you could enjoy.

His blue eyes focused on the road ahead, the sun was already setting, painting the sky with orange and pink colors. There wasn’t much traffic on your way there, probably because most people left for the weekend to spend their time on the beach.

As you both got closer to where the gala was going to take place, Satoru could feel his hands sweating even more. It was then when he felt your hand on his arm, squishing it gently trying to calm him down.

Satoru released one of his hands from the steering wheel and intertwined your hands, gently caressing it with his thumb, giving you security and strength for the evening that awaited both of you.

When he finally parked the car the parking lot that screamed money, he turned to look at you and held both of your hands with his.

“If you want to leave.” Satoru began. “Doesn’t matter when, just tell me and we leave.” He looked you in the eyes. “And don’t try to pretend to be someone you are not, be yourself. Because your true self is awesome and I hope everyone sees it.”

You looked at him with a warm expression. “You are the amazing one.” You kissed his lips.

Satoru smiled and he got out of the car to turn and open your door, you wrapped his arm tightly and you both began to walk towards the entrance.

Your POV

Your heart was beating frenetically, you didn’t understand why you were that nervous, if it was because you could be meeting Satoru’s family that night, for the people who were attending or because you were scared that you could fucked up everything and make Satoru somehow embarrassed.

Although Satoru’s words were calming and his touch was warm and recomforting, which brought you a big security.

You both entered the elevator with your arm still around Satoru's. You looked at the dress Utahime had given you and smiled, it was beautiful, you felt beautiful that night.

The elevator opened it’s door on the floor that the gala was taking place and your stomach turned, feeling the anxiety taking over you. But once again Satoru’s comforting touch made you relax. You put the best of the smiles on your face and walked proudly beside Satoru.

As you started to enter the big places, you saw how the gazes of curious eyes turned to look at you and started gossiping about you.

“They are probably wondering who is the beautiful girl besides the heir of the Gojo clan, so relax.” Satoru whispered to your ear.

You nodded and tried not to pay too much attention to all the eyes that were in you, but it was difficult as their whispers seemed to become louder with each passing moment. Trying to distract yourself from them you took a look at the place, it was pure luxury, white and gold colors adorned the place and everyone looked fancy.

You didn’t want to feel small looking at those people and that place, but it was hard not to. And it was harder not to think about the difference between you and Satoru. It seemed as if with every minute that passed, it grew even wider and you held on with your nails to keep from falling.

“You okay?” Satoru stood before you, with a concerned look on his face.

“Yes, yes.” You nodded. “It’s just new, all this.”

Satoru leaned towards your face and placed a kiss on your cheek, causing your face to probably take on a reddish hue. “I know it might not be the best moment but I want you to meet someone.” He held your hand and you felt as your heart stopped.

Your legs started to shake as you moved across the place. Satoru greeted those present as he made his way through the people. And your heart only accelerated more with every step you took towards the unknown person or people that he wanted to introduce you to.

His hand tangled with yours gave you security and you knew Satoru would not put you in a thought situation. All your friends were just right about him, he was down on your knees for you. It had been difficult to see him but now every time you looked at him you could see in his eyes the admiration and affection he had for you. And that only made your heart race as fast as it could. Your old self from three months ago would hate to admit it out loud, but you were completely in love with him.

“Grandma, grandpa.” Your mind came back to reality and you found yourself in front of an old couple, Satoru’s grandparents.

“Oh Satoru!” The lady hugged Satoru, who was still holding your hand tightly. “You came and look at you, you look beautiful.”

“Grandma please.” You noticed Satoru’s red cheeks and couldn’t help but smile watching his shy face.

“It’s good to see you son.” His grandfather spoke.

“It’s good to be here.” He smiled. “And I would like to introduce you to someone.” His smile became bigger, he proudly said your name and you felt your heart melting.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Mr. Gojo and Mrs. Gojo.” You greeted them with a small bow.

Your heart started to rise when they both stayed in silence looking at you. “Oh darling, you are so beautiful.” His grandmother hugged you. “Satoru has told me about you.” You smiled and looked at Satoru.

“You two are dating?” His grandfather questioned him.

“Yes.” Satoru firmly said.

“Which family are you from?” You felt your heart sinking, you were not ashamed of your mother's surname but you knew why he was asking that question.

“Grandpa…” Satoru began.

But you cut him off and told him your family name. “It’s my mother’s family name.”

He looked at you with a sharp gaze, that could make anyone feel small but you wouldn’t let that happen. “No father?”

Satoru gripped his fits. “Grandpa enough please.”

“No sir, he abandoned my mom as soon as he found out she was pregnant.” You said, coldly. You felt Satoru’s eyes on you and you could tell he was probably worried about you.

“Your mother is really brave.” His grandmother spoke. “Satoru told me about you and you seem like a very nice girl.” You bit your lip, your mother had barely raised you, it was only six years that you were together before chance took her away from you.

“Grandma…”

“Yeah.” You smiled. “She is amazing.”

You didn’t know his grandparents and you and Satoru hadn't been dating that long, so his family might get the wrong idea about you and think you were after their fortune. And you didn't want that, because it wasn't true and you trusted Satoru, but you didn't want false ideas put into his head.

“Your parents are looking for you Satoru.” His grandfather spoke once again.

You felt Satoru tense up next to you and in an attempt to calm him down, you ran your hand along his back, trying to make his nervousness disappear. Satoru just nodded and Satoru's grandparents excused themselves to go greet a couple a little further away. Satoru's grandmother gave you a warm smile that made you feel good and calm. When they both left, you both expelled the air you had in your lungs and laughed when you saw that you had made the same gesture.

“Sorry that they asked you about your parents.”

You shook your head. “It’s okay, I knew they could ask me.” He smiled. “Your grandfather told you that your parents are looking for you.”

He sighed. “Yeah but I really don’t feel like seeing them, besides I know they are going to be really harsh with you.”

“I can handle them.”

“Birdie…”

“Oh look how beautiful you look!” A female voice said behind the both of you.

“Utahime!” You smiled.

“You look amazing, everything looks amazing.” She said looking at you.

“You know, if I didn’t know you had a girlfriend I would be jealous thinking you might be flirting with my girlfriend.” Satoru whispered.

“Gojo shut up.” Utahime responded. “But really you look so beautiful.”

“It’s all thanks to you.” You smiled holding her hands.

“Only because the model it’s beautiful.”

You saw Satoru rolling his eyes. “Anyways, Utahime can you stay with birdie?”

“You are already leaving your girlfriend alone?”

“I’m leaving her with you, since the both of you seem to get along so well.”

“We do.” Utahime took your arm.

“Satoru, let me go…” But Satoru shook his head.

“I will see you in a bit.” And kissed your cheek.

You sighed seeing how he disappeared between the people. You wanted to go with him and supporting him if he was facing his parents.

“If he is going to see his parents it’s better like this.” Utahime turned you around and both of you started walking across the room. “They are… they are really complicate and won’t leave you alone.”

“I just want to be there for Satoru.” You looked down.

“And I’m sure Satoru knows that but believe me, I have known the Gojo family since I was literally a kid and his parents are something else.” She shook her head. “Probably as soon as they find out that you are not from any wealthy family, will try to cut your relationship with Satoru.”

You looked at her with concern. “Satoru is an adult, they can’t…”

“These families are not like the rest, most people here only care about their money, their status and their name. They don’t care whether their children are happy or not.”

“That’s why you are hiding it?” You asked her.

“In part, I’m afraid but I also know that my parents are not like most of these families.” She smiled. “I know I would have their support but still I’m afraid and I’m just sending hints to them.” She looked at you.

“I’m glad to hear that Utahime.” You smiled back at her.

“Now let’s go and grab some drinks shall we?” She giggled and started walking towards the bar.

Satoru Gojo POV

Satoru walked through the people that gathered around the room, laughing and chatting happily while drinking expensive wine, as if nothing else mattered. His blue eyes scanned the room searching for those familiar figures, which caused his stomach to close.

When he saw them talking animatedly with a couple, he clenched his fists and took a deep breath, before starting to walk towards them and putting on his best mask.

“Mother, father.” Satoru greeted both of them.

And like the perfect two face they were, they acted as two loving parents. “Oh our lovely son!” His mother said.

“Son this are Mr. And Mrs. Tanaka.” His father introduced them. “They are the owners of a major technology company.”

“It’s a pleasure.” Satoru said with a smile.

“Our son is currently studying a major in technology.” His mother said and Satoru got the urge to punch the air.

“I’m actually studying physics, astrophysics if we are more correct.” Satoru smiled.

“Oh how interesting.” Mr. Tanaka said.

“You are the same age as our daughter.” Mrs. Tanaka smiled.

“Oh really?” His mother said with surprise. “Sana was such a good girl, you two should meet and maybe…”

“Sorry.” Satoru knew where this conversation was going and he was not liking it. “I have a girlfriend and I’m not interested in meeting anyone.”

“Son, don't be stupid, you will probably break up with that girl.” His father said.

“Father, I’m not planning on breaking up with her, I love her. So I would like for both of you to respect that.” He looked at his parents, feeling how heart was starting to race with each sentence being said. “Now if you would excuse me.”

Satoru farewelled from them and started to walk quickly as if the steps he was taking weren’t enough to escape from them. He wanted to see you, to kiss you, to hug you and to take you away from that place.

Satoru walked through the great hall, greeting those who greeted him. He knew most of them and knew that their kindness was nothing more than interest, interest in getting closer to his clan and the company. So Satoru just gave them a smile and continued on his way, searching for you in the crowd.

But Satoru’s heart dropped when he saw the scene a few meters from him.

You were behind Utahime looking down and hiding your face, while Utahime was loudly shouting at the person she had in front of her. Satoru didn’t know what was happening but his pulse, his heart, everything was telling him that something happened and you were not okay.

With big steps he approached the surroundings and finally saw the person Utahime was screaming at, Naoya Zenin. Satoru knew he was not good news, he was the worst of news actually. He took a deep breath and walked to where you and Utahime were.

“Hey.” He ignored Naoya. “What happened?” He touched your face, which was still hidden from his gaze.

“Naoya happened.” Utahime muttered. “That asswhole.” She turned to look at you and whispered your name in a sweet way. “You okay?”

“Utahime tell me what happened.” Satoru begged.

Utahime hesitated, unsure if she should or not tell him what happened. “Well he…”

“No, Utahime… please.” You whispered.

You sounded defeated almost like you were about to pass out. Satoru swallowed, he wanted to know why you were like that but he also didn’t want to push you further.

He took a quick look at Naoya and then took your hand. “We're going to leave.”

“I'm leaving too, I don’t feel like being here anymore.” Utahime said and lovingly rubbed your back.

When you got to the car, unlike other times you didn't get into the passenger seat, but instead you went straight to the back, to sit with Utahime or rather to rest your head on his lap.

Satoru's discomfort did not stop increasing, it killed him to see you like this, it killed him that he could not do anything to help you to alleviate whatever he wanted you to be suffering at that moment.

It wasn't until you were in the car that Satoru saw your face. It was swollen and your eyes were red from crying. The mere thought that Naoya had made you cry made his blood boil. He knew you well enough to know that you were not easy to cry and that you hardly bowed your head, so Naoya had to really hurt you for you to be like this.

Satoru tried to focus on the road but his mind couldn’t stop thinking, couldn’t stop racing. When he parked the car in Utahime's building he watched as you both said your goodbyes.

“If you need, call me or Shoko.” You only hummed in response. “Bye Satoru.”

“Bye…” He only said.

And the car stayed quiet, Satoru tried to remain calm and to approach you as calmly as possible. He didn’t know why you were in the state you were but wanted to help you.

“Birdie…” He whispered, looking at you through the interior mirror.

“It was nothing.” You whispered.

Satoru narrowed his eyes and sighed. "Nothing? Birdie, look at the state you’re in, that’s not nothing.”

“Satoru, just… drive me home.” You simply said.

Satoru shook his head and got out of the car and went into the back, sitting next to you. “My love, look at me.”

In that instant, when the words left his mouth, Satoru was not aware of the nickname. For him it had been natural, something that had come from his heart and that he was not afraid to say. But when your red eyes, from crying so much, looked at him, he realized the new nickname he had used.

“You just…” You whispered.

Satoru chuckled and closed his eyes. “Yes birdie, I just did that.” But Satoru couldn't be distracted, he couldn't ignore that you looked completely defeated. “But birdie, please talk to me.”

Satoru felt how your breathing trembled and how you closed your eyes tightly. Without waiting a second, Satoru wrapped you in his arms and his heart broke a little when you began to sob against his vest. His grip tightened, wanting your pain to go away. But he also wanted to go back to that place and beat up Naoya, he didn't know why but he knew that he deserved it.

“He was my boss…” You whispered after a few minutes.

You separated yourself from his body and looked into Satoru's eyes, he could feel the vulnerability in your gaze, something he had rarely seen in you. He carefully caressed your cheek, trying to give you warmth and security.

“I used to work at his bar, after working at the store.” You continued. “It was bad…” You whispered.

Satoru watched and swallowed, thinking about the possibilities you had to face with that bastard. “Birdie…”

“I used to have panic attacks before going there.” A broken chuckle escaped your lips. “But I kept on going, because the salary was not bad and I needed the money.”

You felt silent, with your breath still unstable and your face buried on Satoru’s chest. You probably could feel his heart beating fastly on his chest, he wanted to calm himself not to distress you but he couldn’t, not when you were telling him that.

“Back at the club where we went, I met him.” You paused. “I was with Shoko and then Yuki came, so nothing happened.”

Then something on Satoru clicked. “It was him.” It wasn’t a question, it was an affirmation and you just hummed. “Birdie…” Satoru's voice shook, your nickname coming out in a thin voice from his throat. “Did he… did he ever put his hand on you?”

You stayed silent, just squeezed his shirt and breathed deeply. “He tried…” Satoru at that moment saw red and his only thought was to get out of that car and return to the gala to beat up the Zenin's posh kid. “But nothing happened, a client came in and… well he stopped, but his disgusting behavior and sexual harassment never stopped.”

“I'm so sorry…” Satoru whispered against your hair. You shook your head.

“It's not your fault, you are an angel, 'Toru.” Satoru kissed your hair and caressed your back.

“You want to tell me what happened tonight at the party?” Satoru pulled away from you and you finally looked at him, your eye makeup was smudged and your nose was slightly red as were your eyes.

“Can we go home first?” You asked, looking into his blue eyes.

“Sure…” He whispered, leaving a kiss on the corner of your lips.

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[aro-of-argentum]

Red Dahlia- Chapter 9

WC: 6,095

Notes: Jason and the reader finally talk about what happened, Jason tells reader about his past, the man is starved for affection and the reader is starting to help with that, Jason is a flirt, Reader makes a phone call to one Mr. Pennyworth. Most of this chapter is just conversations between the two of them.

Beta'd by: @teaspacebar

Previous Chapter, Masterlist, Next Chapter

Chapter 9:

Jason had stayed asleep for most of the day, even though the anesthetics were long worn off. You continued to give him pain meds every few hours, or whenever he started to fidget, and had been changing his bandages as needed. The total for you so far was 44 consecutive waking hours, but you found that no matter how exhausted you were, you couldn’t settle enough to sleep. You knew you needed to, and you wanted to, but each time you attempted to lie down on the couch for at least a nap, the worry that something might happen to Jason while you slept kept you awake.

Now, you had an almost empty IV bag of saline attached to your arm as you sat on the couch and flipped through channels with the television on mute to kill time until it ran out. You paused for a moment on a news story from Metropolis about Superman taking down some mob boss, apparently incredibly dangerous, before turning the TV off all together. You tried to convince yourself that you’d survive not sleeping until he got better, but at this point you felt like you could barely stand without an adrenaline rush, and you weren’t keeping anything down unless it came through the IV line.

A cough sounded from your bedroom followed by a strained, “Ow,” and you heaved a breath as you pulled the IV from your arm and rose from the couch. Jason was looking around the room confused when you entered, knocking on the slightly ajar door before stepping in.

“Hey,” was your tired greeting, paired with a soft smile. You were certain there was exhaustion all over your face, but you hoped he would be able to see relief there too. Most of what you could read on Jason’s face when he saw you was shock.

“Am I dead?” There was a concerned and almost panicked tone in his voice that struck at your heart.

You were quick to reassure him. “No. You’re in my apartment. You’re safe, and you are going to be okay.”

 He took a shaky breath in, stopping with a wince when he had to because of his damaged ribs. A hard swallow bobbed in his throat before he responded with a nod, “Okay.”

“Do you remember what happened?” You asked, cautiously taking a seat at the edge of the bed. “You didn’t tell me much.”

A flash of shame crossed his eyes. “I was ambushed. There were eight guys, and a couple of them had armor piercing ammo.”

You huffed. “Yeah, that I do know. I still have one on my counter.” You shook your head to yourself for a moment before you continued. “You’re probably the luckiest man alive to not have been hit in places I couldn’t fix here. No bones or organs…”

“That was probably on purpose actually.”

Your face scrunched in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“The guy I was after, Morgan Edge,” he clarified, “He doesn’t like to let people off the hook easy. He probably wanted to make sure I didn’t die too quickly.” Jason couldn’t watch the pain that crossed your face at that, so he averted his gaze and continued. “Edge usually only has to deal with Superman; was probably pissed I was snooping around.”

A flash of memory from the news just a moment ago appeared in your mind. “That’s the guy you were going after? And you didn’t have any back up or-”

“I was just supposed to be getting information from an old contact.” He interrupted gently and waited for you to nod in acceptance before he continued. “He must’ve heard I was coming for him; wanted to remove me from the equation, I guess.”

You nodded again, content to take any information he’d be willing to share, even if it meant hearing the details of his almost death.

“I remember being surrounded and getting shot… a few times. I took out everybody else in that alley, but I knew I didn’t have a lot of time, so I-” His eyes darted toward you and found you staring back at him. “I need you to know I didn’t come here expecting this.” He made a vague gesture toward himself with his hands. “I just needed to see you, I needed to apologize for-” He let his head drop back softly against the pillows bracing his back and closed his eyes for a moment. “I’m so sorry.”

“Jason, we don’t have to have that conversation right now. We can talk about it later, you’re still-”

“No.” He stopped you. “It’s been long enough. I was going to come see you after I got this mission taken care of anyway. We should talk.”

You shook your head slightly at the idea and looked at him directly before relenting to speak. “I’m still upset about all of it. I have guesses but no actual answers on why everything went down the way it did, and no matter how many times I tried to get ahold of you, you just-” You stopped, and clenched and unclenched your fists a couple of times to try to calm down.

Jason nodded in guilty admittance. “You’re right.”

Tears sprung to your eyes as emotions overwhelmed you. “You can’t do that to me again. We need to be able to talk about things. Even if it isn’t right away. But you can’t just disappear for a month. You made an assumption about how I felt, and I know I did the same, but when I tried to explain, you ignored me, and you left, and then you were just gone. For weeks.” Your voice was dripping with hurt as your eyes released the tears in them. “I didn’t know if I was ever going to see you again and it broke my fucking heart, and then out of nowhere you’re here, and you’re dying in my arms, and you’re telling me that you-” You cut yourself off with an angry scoff and your hands were quick to wipe your cheeks before you spoke again. “I just- You can’t do that again. You can’t.”

“I know.” He nodded again, not wanting to interrupt, but wanting to make sure you knew he was taking in your words. “I know, I’m sorry. I’m here now, though, and I’m not going anywhere.”

A halfhearted smile pulled at your lips at his playful gesture to his bandages, and you hung your head. “I just needed to know that you wanted to show me; that you weren’t just doing it because I’d all but asked you to.”

“No, Sweetheart. I’ve wanted you to know who I am for a long time.”

You brought your head back up, tilted slightly in question. “How long?”

“Halloween, I think. I realized I wanted to always walk you home, be able to hold your hand, and have you know I’m there. I’ve only been able to do that one other time under the mask… It’s not enough.” He gave a shrug with his right side as though the reason was obvious. “I was scared you would like the mystery of it all more than you would’ve wanted to know. I didn’t- I don’t,” He corrected himself, as he was acutely aware that he hadn’t actually clarified the next part of his sentence with you, “I don’t want you to be disappointed about me being the one under the helmet.”

Your eyes nearly bugged out of your head as you balked at him. “Right, sure, just an incredibly thoughtful, kind, smart, beautiful, enormous man under there. Jason Todd, anyone who would be disappointed to see you is out of their fucking mind.”

His eyes were wide as he stared at you. “Would you come here please?” He reached for you with his right hand and once you’d stepped close enough for him to get an okay grip, he pulled you down into the bed next to him. “I’m gonna kiss you.” He nodded as he said it and didn’t wait for a response before pulling your lips to his, threading his fingers over your hair at the back of your head.

The air was stolen from your lungs as Jason kissed you. It was slow and deliberate and all consuming, and when he finally pulled away, just enough to breathe, it took you a moment to come back to yourself.

“The dumbest fucking thing I ever did was thinking I could go the rest of my life without doing that again,” he whispered with his eyes still closed before pressing a short kiss to the corner of your mouth.

The sentiment and the action made you smile as you continued to lean into his space, trying desperately to make sure you weren’t accidentally going to mess up all the work you’d done to keep him alive. You moved to pull away, and when you felt him tense up, you kissed his cheek for reassurance. Once you felt him relax a bit, you sat upright again, though this time next to him, rather than at the foot of the bed. Your hand reached for his face, gently brushing over his cheek and carefully avoiding the bottom edge of the bandage on the side of his head. “I’m happy I know now.”

“Yeah?” A hopeful smile crossed his features.

“Yeah.” You smiled in return, eyes roaming over his face as you continued, “The full helmet is a good idea though.” Your fingers moved up to play with the white strands above his forehead. “The hair is a dead giveaway.”

A short chuckle escaped his chest before being cut off by a sharp inhale. The following grunt of discomfort reminded you why you’d come into the room in the first place.

“Right. One second.” You stood up from the bed too fast and got a rush in your head, but recovered quickly and were off to get the pain relievers from your cabinet. There wasn’t much of the prescription level meds left, meaning you’d either need to get ahold of more, or Jason would be switching to over-the-counter medication just days after being shot. When you returned to your room with the bottle in your hand, you found the man watching you through squinted eyes.

“What was that?”

You squinted in return, having assumed the answer fairly obvious. You held up the bottle and shook it a little. “Painkillers.”

“No, right before you left. You got dizzy; I saw you sway. Why?”

You shook your head to dismiss it. “Jason, I’m fine.”

He continued to stare you down as he asked, “Do you not know, or do you not want to tell me?” Jason waited a moment to give you time to respond. When you didn’t, he brought your own argument against you. “We’re trying to be better about talking about things, yeah?”

A sigh escaped you as you rolled your eyes at his insistence. “I’m a little dizzy because I’m down two units of blood.”

He immediately sat up straighter, looking almost comical to you as a person wrapped in bandages went into high alert. “What? Why? What happened?”

“You needed more than I had stocked up.” You pointed to where his IV was taped into his arm, one of the ports currently unoccupied by transfusion tubing.

Guilt flooded Jason’s face and posture. “Oh.” He deflated some, sitting back against the pillows once more. “Wait, how did you test for my blood type?”

You shrugged, “Didn’t need to, I’m O neg.”

“Huh, that’s lucky.”

“What do you mean?”

“I am too.”

“Hm.” You hummed in acceptance of the information. “I guess that’s good information to know, just in case.” You rattled the bottle in your hand slightly. “Do you want the meds?”

He seemed to consider it for a moment. “Are they going to put me out again?”

“They might,” You admitted.

“Then can I take them later, or is it going to fuck up a schedule?” He seemed to wince at his own request, as though hoping it wasn’t an overstep to ask.

You shook your head slightly. “The schedule is to make sure you don’t take too much too quickly. You can wait if you want but aren’t you in pain?” You questioned him with concern all through your face and voice.

“Yeah, but I don’t want to pass out again right now, I’d rather just deal with it.” He dismissed you without hesitation.

“Jason…”

The man’s heart ached at the pain he found in your expression. “I promise, I’m used to stuff like this.” He attempted to reassure you, “It’s not a big-”

“You’re used to being a single breath away from dead?” You interrupted him with the sarcastic question and were immediately caught off guard by his answer.

“I mean I was once before…” He mumbled. Jason’s attention snapped back up to you at the choked noise that you gave in response to his statement.

There were instant tears in your eyes. “What?” The word came out barely above a whisper.

Jason let the remaining breath in his lungs escape him as a sigh. “Do you remember when you asked me if I liked working with Batman, and I told you it was complicated?”

You blinked, still staring at him, almost afraid to move. “Yes.”

“I have some stuff I want to tell you. I’d love for you to come sit back down first, though, if you’re okay to.”

It took a moment for your brain to connect with the rest of your body and you were able to nod and wipe the tear that had fallen away from your cheek before gingerly sitting down next to Jason on your bed.

He told you everything. You listened intently as he spoke about his parents, how each of them died, and what his life was like afterward. He told you about stealing the tires off the Batmobile and eventually becoming the second Robin because of it, and about how he died in the uniform at the hands of the Joker only a couple of years later. The next thing he had memories of was training with the League of Assassins, though he also told you what he knew of his resurrection from being informed by others himself. He got around to how he ended back up in Gotham to avenge his own death, how he discovered that Batman had already taken a new Robin, and how he more or less ran the Gotham Underground for a time. You noticed his hesitation and shame around the details that involved him being a ruthless killer, and his attempts on Batman and the other vigilantes’ lives. Eventually he explained the deal he’d made with the Bat about being able to return to the “good guys” so long as he swore off killing. At this he seemed conflicted.

“And I don’t mind having to prove myself, I get it, I was one of his biggest problems for a while but fuck I’ve been doing my best with all of this for years now, and the old man still treats me like I’m going to explode at any second. I swear to God, he’s gotta have a muzzle stashed somewhere just in case, or probably a fucking kill-switch implanted in my brain for if I “go too far.”” He put up air quotes with his right hand for the last part of his sentence, and you got the feeling it was a phrase that had been used on him more than he’d like. Jason finally turned his head to face you for the first time since he started his biographic recounting and found you slowly bobbing your head up and down as you processed the information. “Well?”

You took another moment to consider your response before you decided on, ““Complicated” feels like an understatement.”

Jason snorted at your response and let his head drop back against the pillows situated behind him. “Yeah.”

Your hand crept to his, and once you found it, you were quick to lace your fingers through his, squeezing his hand as you spoke. “I’m glad you’re alive.”

He rubbed his thumb over the back of your hand. “Me too, Sweetheart.” For a moment Jason’s hesitance returned, a cloud of worry forming over his head. “I didn’t scare you off with all of that, did I?”

“No,” You responded immediately, softly. “It was a lot to take in, but I’m not going anywhere.”

A smirk crossed his face. “So, you’re gonna stay in bed with me all day?” He joked to try to relieve some of the pressure in the room. It worked.

“Oh, see now you’re pushing it.” You chuckled as you spoke. “Tragic backstory, I can handle, but cuddles? You’ve gone too far.”

“And here I thought we already had. Must have been nothing but a dream…” He tried to force a dramatic sigh and ended up gasping in pain instead.

“Jason!” You were immediately sat up and looking him over.

“I’m good, it’s fine, I just-” He hissed through his teeth as his right hand ghosted over the stitches in his left side.

“Okay,” was your confirmation with a nod and you were on your feet, rounding the corner of the bed to reach him.

Jason saw you coming and tried to intervene. “I said it’s fine, you don’t-”

“Stop it.” You swatted his hand away as you began to pull at the bandage over the site. Your tongue clicked in your mouth as you looked over the wounds in front of you. They were healing well so far for the most part, though clearly irritated by the amount of movement in the last few minutes. You looked back up to Jason’s face and found him looking at you curiously, as though waiting for your analysis. “You didn’t pull any of them out, but it is inflamed now, which means your pain is going to be worse. Would you please take the drugs?”

He nodded and gave a rough “Mm hmm, yeah.”

“Great.” You grabbed the bottle of painkillers, handed him two and a glass of water off the bedside table, no longer needing to dissolve them in his IV since he was awake. You also helped him sit up slightly so it would be easier for him to take them, and you found yourself absentmindedly rubbing his exposed back as you supported him. You waited as he downed the medicine and an additional sip of water before humming appreciatively. His eyes were softly closed, and you felt more of his weight lean into you, his body relaxing some at your touch. “You okay?”

“Feels good,” he responded, leaning further into you and resting his head against your collarbone.

It made your heart melt to see him being so openly affectionate, especially after everything he’d just told you about feeling so alone, but you wanted to reapply the compound on his stitches just to be safe, and for that, you needed to move. You pressed a kiss into his hair and whispered, “Baby, I can’t hold you like this forever, I still have stuff to do.”

“Oh,” A blush crept over Jason’s face as he realized how long he’d been pressed into you, and then at the realization of just how much he enjoyed you referring to him so endearingly. “Sorry…” he mumbled as he did his best to pull away.

“No, hey,” Your hand cupped his cheek as you pressed a chaste kiss to his lips and then another. “It’s for you, and I’ll be right back.” You helped him lay back before leaving the room to retrieve the compound. In only a moment you were back and gently dabbing the plasma over the stitches in hopes it would soothe the irritation and help with scarring. As you pulled his bandages back in place and stood up, you fought and lost against a yawn.

“You’re tired.” Jason’s eyes snapped to your face as he realized for the first time that the circles under your eyes may have come from more than just the blood loss. It had to have been a rough couple of days for you since he got here. “How long has it been since you slept?”

You shrugged in accepted defeat. “Couple days. I just keep getting worried something’s going to happen while I’m out.”

Guilt covered Jason’s face. “You’re worried about me. Fuck, Sweetheart I’m sorry, that’s not fair.”

“Jason, it’s okay, I know you’re stable now, you’re coherent, you’re healing. I’m going to go try to take a nap on the couch after your meds kick in” You gestured over your shoulder toward the living room as you suggested it. “I’ll be-”

“You could stay.” He cut you off. The confusion on your face was clear to him so he clarified, “I’m in your bed anyway; you could sleep in here… with me.” He hoped he hadn’t crossed any boundaries with the suggestion. The last thing he wanted to do was make you uncomfortable. “I remember waking up with you here at one point, right?”

“Jay, you were hypothermic. And shivering. You needed the body heat.” You stated it matter-of-factly and Jason decided to try one more time.

“Sure, but it was nice, and I want-” He wanted to hold you so you could sleep; to take care of you like you were taking care of him. “What if I say I’m cold?”

With a snort of a laugh, you relented. “Okay, just a minute.” You left the room again, much to Jason’s dismay, but quickly returned, no longer wearing old scrubs. Instead, you were dressed in something very similar to what you were wearing the first time Jason saw you. It was a different shirt, though still oversized, and shorts that barely peeked out underneath.

He thought for a moment what you might look like wearing his t-shirt, but quickly shot the idea down when he realized how far his imagination would go if left unchecked. He carefully moved over a little on the bed, giving you room to sit next to him. “Here.”

You smiled, a soft exhale coming through your nose. “I still need to check your other stitches and fix your pillows.”

“Right, sure,” Jason’s neck and cheeks reddened in embarrassment at his eagerness. His eyes followed your movements as you reached for the blanket covering the lower half of his body.

“May I?” You asked cautiously, knowing that there was a new tension to examining the wound on his leg now that he was awake. You waited for his nod of approval before lifting the blanket and exposing his left leg, bare from the top of his thigh down. You’d needed to cut away his compression leggings to tend to the bullet hole there, and you hadn’t been embarrassed about it until now, when your hands were on his skin as he watched.

Jason’s eyes were trained unflinchingly on your hands as you carefully removed the bandage from the upper part of his thigh and spread more of the compound over it before replacing the covering. You skipped over the two in his side, having already checked them, and moved to the wound in his shoulder. Jason could only continue to watch your skilled fingers as they ran gently over his stitches, not feeling anything other than the slightest of pressure as the painkillers began to kick in. When you moved to check over the one on the side of his face, Jason could no longer see your hands and opted to watch your face instead. He admired the way your eyes focused and squinted slightly when you were concentrating, and the way your lips parted as though to whisper to yourself while you worked. He wanted to reach out and touch you, kiss you again.

“You’re staring.”

“Hmm?” Jason’s attention came back to the moment.

A small chuckle bubbled out of your chest and Jason found himself wishing he could hear the noise forever. “Have you always done this, and I just never caught it because your eyes were behind the mask?” You asked him, glancing up to make eye contact before returning your gaze to your task.

He hesitated to give an answer, unsure whether it would be better to tell you the truth or preserve his dignity. He decided to try for both. “I’d embarrass myself if I told you how often I spend time just looking at you.”

A shocked, “oh,” escaped you as heat flooded your cheeks at his admission. You recovered your composure quickly and decided that leveling the playing field was your best path forward. “At least now I know I don’t have to feel weird about doing the same thing.”

Jason’s eyes went wide for just a moment before his head tilted, eyebrow cocked, and a smirk danced across his lips. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah, but you better put that attitude away. I still get to choose whether you make it through this.”

You had a finger raised in warning at him, but Jason only smiled as a bold idea entered his mind. “What?” he asked, maintaining eye contact as he wrapped his right hand around your outstretched one and planted a kiss to the inside of your wrist before he continued speaking. “Mostly naked and covered in scars and bandages not your type?”

Your breath caught in your throat for a moment as you looked down at him. His eyes seemed pleading, but you could see the glint of mischief there, and it took a moment before you were able to formulate a response. “Scars, sure. Bandages, no.” You gently pulled your wrist from his grasp to finish reattaching the bandage by his temple as you continued, “I’m not going to help you destroy all the work I put in to keep you alive.”

Jason waited until your work was done and you stepped away to clean up before he spoke again. “So, we’re just ignoring the “mostly naked” part?” He asked.

“We are if you still want me in that bed with you.” You put away supplies in your med kit as you responded to him, and once you were done you turned back around to face him. “Are you going to keep your hands to yourself?”

“Do I have to?” He questioned, smirk returning.

You laughed and your eyebrows shot up at his forwardness. “You’re in a mood, aren’t you?”

“You’re the one that gave me drugs, Sweetheart.” He made a dramatic show of shrugging his unwounded shoulder and lying back on the bed as you walked over to him again.

Adjusting his pillows under his left side to keep his injuries elevated, you joked, “Right, so remind me not to give you any more of those unless I’m also putting you to sleep.”

Jason shook his head slightly as he got comfortable. “No need. I’m tired, I’m just holding out for when you’re in here with me.”

When you walked around to the other side and pulled away the covers, Jason looked concerned. “What?” you asked him.

His eyes lingered for a moment on your bare legs. “You aren’t going to be cold?”

“While cuddling a six-foot-four radiator? Not something I’m worried about.”

You were hardly even in the bed before Jason had you dragged into his right side, and he wasn’t entirely sure your head was on the pillow yet when you fell asleep. He breathed as deep a sigh of relief as he could manage as he stared down at you, and a myriad of emotions ran through his mind. He was still angry with himself for having forced a month of separation, and guilty for the way he’d made you feel. But most of what he was able to focus on was the feeling of your body pressed up against his, your hand on his bare chest. You were real, and here, and you cared for him. This was how it should have been the entire time.

He felt sleep calling to him, so he adjusted slightly to press a kiss into the top of your head and whispered, “I love you,” before drifting off himself.

-

You woke up slowly the next morning, having slept all evening and through the night, and for a moment you felt heavy, until you realized it wasn’t your body weight you were feeling. At some point in the night, the two of you had adjusted, and Jason was laid face down on the left side of your body. His head was resting in the crook of your neck and his arm was draped over your abdomen as he snored lightly. You drew your arm up around him and began slowly carding your fingers through Jason’s hair as you laid beneath him. The snoring stopped and you heard a soft hum before you felt the man snuggle closer, his grip on you tightening.

“Good morning,” you cooed, a slight chuckle behind your words.

“Morning,” came the mumbled response before you heard his breathing begin to slow again.

“Would you move over, please?” You hoped he hadn’t fallen back asleep so quickly.

There was no verbal response as he instead squeezed your side and settled again, giving no indication that he intended to move.

“Jay, I need to get up, I need to pee.”

He groaned in protest but rolled slightly to pull his weight off of you, allowing you to get up. When you came back, he was more awake, resting on his side, and his eyes were still sleepy but open.

“Hey, Sweetheart.” The soft smile he gave you could have melted the Arctic.

“Hey,” you responded, sitting next to him on the bed and reaching to run the backs of your fingers along his cheek. “How are you feeling?”

“Sore mostly.” He tilted his head side to side for a moment as if considering something before he continued, “Otherwise, okay. Best morning I’ve had in a while.” His movements were slow as he reached to move your hand from his cheek, bringing your knuckles to his lips. “Thank you for staying with me last night.”

“Of course.” You smiled down at him for a moment before a thought you’d been meaning to bring up crossed into your mind. “Hey, I don’t want to ruin this moment,” you started, squeezing his hand to reassure yourself more than anything, “but I wanted to ask you if we should tell anyone you’re here? Maybe your family? Or-”

“Fuck.” Jason’s face dropped as though he was just realizing for the first time that he should let everyone know he was okay. He hadn’t checked in with anyone in almost three days, and given that Superman had taken care of Edge, they would have expected him home by now. He needed to let them know he was okay, or they’d start tearing the city apart looking for him (or his body). He couldn’t have Cassandra leading everyone to your apartment for clues, he didn’t want Bruce anywhere near you. “Fuck.”

“Jason?” You questioned, cautious, given the panic that was now all over his face.

“It’s fine, I just- I’m thinking.” His mind was nearly frantic as he ran through options. He didn’t have his phone, the communicators in his helmet were broken along with the trackers, and if he was being entirely honest with himself, the only person he trusted to not make a scene with all of this was, “Alfred.”

“What?”

Jason looked up to you, calm resurfacing on his features as he formulated his plan. “I need you to call my house, ask for Alfred Pennyworth, and tell him I’m okay.”

You quirked an eyebrow in confusion as you spoke. “You don’t want to talk to him?”

He shook his head. “There’s vocal recognition for the phone lines, if it hears my voice, it’ll alert Bruce and he’ll know everything. I don’t want him involved in this.”

To say you understood his reasoning would be a lie, but you agreed to make the call anyway.  He rattled off the number quickly but stopped you before you could press the dial button.

“Wait.” You froze when he spoke. “Don’t use your name, just say you’re Dahlia and he’ll know. And don’t give your address over the phone, tell him to ask Cassandra.”

“You’ve been keeping me a secret, but someone called Cassandra knows where I live, and Alfred knows me by the name Dahlia?” You questioned.

He nodded slowly and let out a small sigh before he clarified. “Cass is my sister. She saw me drop you off after our bike ride. Alfred is our butler, but also kind of like a grandfather, and he’s the one that got our bracelets made after I asked. The only other person who knows about you is my older brother Dick, but that doesn’t matter right now.”

“Is that everything?” Your thumb hovered over the screen as you asked, ready to call if he said yes.

“I’d love some clothes,” he said, motioning to the phone to ensure you knew he meant that he wanted you to ask Alfred for them.

You nodded and pushed the button to call.

-

Alfred was cooking breakfast for the family when he heard the phone ring. The children would all be awake soon and hungry, after the last day and a half scouring Metropolis for signs of Jason. They had found his motorcycle there, in a base belonging to Morgan Edge’s organization, and so had been tracking down its members in search of anyone who might know anything about the young master’s whereabouts. He put down his utensils and wiped his hands on the towel over his shoulder to ensure he would not dirty the telephone receiver as he picked it up.

“Wayne residence.”

“Hi, I’m calling to speak to Alfred Pennyworth?” He heard an unfamiliar woman’s voice come through the line. She seemed nervous.

“This is he. And to whom and I speaking?”

“I’m Dahlia.”

Alfred’s attention was no longer divided by the eggs he had been scrambling on the stove. “I’ve heard quite a bit about you. May I ask the reason for your call?”

“I wanted to let you know he’s safe and okay, he’s with me, and if you want to come see him, you’re welcome to, but you need to come alone.”

“I’m sorry?” His eyebrows lifted in surprise, not only at finding out Jason was alright, but also that the woman had the audacity to make demands regarding his presence.

“It’s his request,” Alfred heard the woman rush to justify. “He said he didn’t want everyone involved, and he trusts you to be discreet.”

“Ah.” The man’s protective bravado deflated somewhat as he was given clarification on Jason’s reasoning. “What is the address?”

“Cassandra knows where I live.”

He frowned at the game-playing involved but understood that Jason was likely the one instructing the woman away from giving any definitive information. “Right.”

“Oh, and Alfred?”

“Yes?”

“He’s asking for clothes, comfortable mostly, if you’re able.”

“Understood.”

“Thank you, Alfred.”

The phone clicked as the call was ended, and Alfred took a moment to process the conversation he’d just had. It seemed to him that the woman had been genuine, or else she would not have thanked him, or been at all polite. And if there was any ill intent, then surely, she would have asked for ransom right away, rather than clothing. And she would not have identified herself using the code name Jason had given her if it was not the woman Jason trusted so deeply as to have given her a direct line to him. Alfred resolved to do as he was asked and gather some of Jason’s clothes before going to investigate on his own.

He finished making breakfast for the rest of the family and served it before packing a small bag and excusing himself for the day, citing an appointment he’d “forgotten about.” He pulled Cassandra aside when she was done eating to retrieve the address. She had been more than happy to give it when she discovered that Alfred was “finally going to meet the girlfriend,” and seemed to already know that she was not to tell anyone where he was going. The man smiled to himself at the young adults’ conspiracy to keep secrets for one another. He knew that of the three eldest siblings, Cassandra certainly had the most amicable relationship with Bruce, but as much as she pretended otherwise, she loved her brothers more. Anything sworn to secrecy would stay that way, even from their father.

Tag List: @lettucel0ver, @4rachn3

[luvnoirs]

SEVEN: SITUATIONSHIP

some of your love— a paige bueckers fanfiction

contents/warning(s): none but trust things are gonna pick up next chapter🫡 word count: 3.1k

PAIGE → ARLINGTON, TX

my fourth consecutive shot bounced off the rim.

"fuck," i groaned, immediately slumping over to the padded wall. 

"you're supposed to put it in the basket, you know?" dijonai teased before she took a shot of her own from the three point line. it sank in.

i didn't respond. i wasn't in the mood for jokes today. 

i hadn't seen sevyn in a few days. we texted and facetimed whenever we could, but it wasn't the same. not even close. my last couple of games were away so i've been on the road, and she's been wrapped up with her class and rehearsals. 

but damn, i missed her.

missed her strawberry scent and how her skin felt under my fingertips. missed the feeling of her lips on mine the most.

i couldn't even describe the feeling i felt when i noticed the ring on her finger. i hadn't even seen it at first until it caught the light just right, gleaming in my eye like a harsh reminder. i wanted to say something, ask her something, but i couldn't— literally. 

and yeah, maybe it wasn't my place to say anything at all. but the moment she kissed me on my couch, she made it my place.

if someone told my younger self that i'd end up here— in whatever mess this was with sevyn—i'd laugh dead in their face. because i meant what i said to sevyn.

i wasn't a homewrecker.

but was there even a hypothetical home to wreck in the first place? if anything, it was wrecked before i was even in the picture.

i didn't know the full history between her and elisha. only that it was eight years deep, at least from what little she told me over these past few days.

i knew that they started dating when she was freshly eighteen and elisha was twenty, but knew of each other since she was fourteen. i knew that elisha and her went to baylor together where things got serious between them. i knew there was more that she was leaving out.

because no one stays in something that long unless there's not only history, but damage.

--

"i think i want a dog," i held the phone up as i laid back against my pillows. 

sevyn gave me a look through the screen. "paige, you barely even have time to raise a fish."

"okay, you're dragging it," i uttered. "i would be a great dog mom. what about a husky?"

"a husky in texas is crazy," sevyn said, starting up her car. "if anything you should just get a cat. it's less work and more convenient."

i frowned. "i'm not a cat person. they just stare at you like they're possessed."

"but they're so cute!" sevyn looked down at the screen with a pout for a moment then continued driving. "especially clingy cats."

"yeah, still not getting one," i stared at her through the screen, admiring how her features glowed under the street lights. "anyways, you headed back home finally? i miss you."

"no..." she glanced towards the screen with a light shake of her head. "i'm actually headed to pick elisha up from the shop. then i'll head home."

my lips pressed into a line. i've only seen elisha once, back when they first moved in and were outside by the moving truck. never had a conversation with her to form an honest opinion, but from what i've overheard, my opinion was anything but nice.

"but, i miss you too, paige," she smiled.

i hummed, readjusting my arm so it was resting underneath my head. "tell her i said what's up."

the camera tilted to the car ceiling as if she almost dropped it. "paige, i'm about to hang up on you."

“i’m kidding, i’m kidding,” i smiled despite the slight ache in my chest.

the light coming through her windshield shifted from yellow to red and she came to a stop. the soft glow from the stoplight illuminated her face, making her hair seem copper. she raised her arm, her bracelets clanking together as she fixed a few pieces of her hair before she caught me staring.

“what?” the corner of her lips tugged upward.

i hesitated. i knew i shouldn't say it, but i couldn't help myself. “come over tonight."

her eyebrow raised suspiciously, looking at the screen with a growing smile of curiosity. "oh?"

"just to chill. or sit. or... i don't know, relax? nothing like that," i rushed out, ignoring how the thought definitely crossed my mind. "i just wanna see you."

her expression softened and she nodded.

"okay."

SEVYN → DALLAS TX

the door shut with a click behind us. i dropped my belongings on the table, watching as elisha walked past me and toward the couch.

"you in the mood to cook dinner? i'm tired," she took a seat, already typing on her phone. 

"nah, i'm actually gonna head back out," i shook my head even though she wasn't looking. i paused, thinking of a lie to tell her. "dijonai texted. i told her i'd swing by."

"oh?" she glanced up at me and chuckled. "you parked and came all the way up here though? you shoulda just dropped me off. that was dumb."

my heart raced but i shrugged it off. "yeah, i know. i just came back from class, so i need a quick shower."

"whatever," she shook her head and returned back to tapping her fingers on her phone screen. "i'll find something in the kitchen later."

i quietly exhaled a shaky breath, walking away toward my bedroom. i didn't completely lie... a shower was needed. 

i pulled out my phone and opened up my messages to let paige know i'll be over soon, then tossed my phone on my bed. i let the shower run as i got undressed and wrapped my hair up.

after i was out and ready to get dressed, i rummaged through my closet. my hand came across a crop top out of habit, but my mind instantly thought back to when i wore that last time in her apartment. i blinked, then put it back and chose a loose sweatshirt that was cut along the top, exposing my left shoulder. i paired it with matching leggings and stepped into my shoes.

paige:

door is unlocked. you can just come in whenever you want

my hands felt sweaty as i typed back a response. everything about this felt wrong yet so right. whatever i had going on with paige... i couldn't even begin to describe it.

friends?

friends that wanted to kiss each other?

and i knew that i should stay away from her, at least until i figure out what i'm doing with elisha, but something kept pulling me back to her.

right as i was about to walk out, i caught a glimpse of the ring on my finger. i froze, staring at it for a brief moment before i hesitantly slid it off my finger. i tucked it away in my top drawer.

elisha was still on the couch by the time i stepped back into the living area, this time her eyes were glued to the tv screen. but as i passed by, grabbing my purse even though i didn't really need it, i could feel her gaze on me.

"i'll be back," i called out, walking towards the door.

"sevyn."

i paused mid-step, turning to look at her. she stared at me like i was crazy, then pointed to the table where my purse was.

"your keys. they're still on the table," she said.

oh.

i hid my nervousness with a forced laugh, "shit, thanks."

after i grabbed my keys, i gave elisha a quick smile, then walked out.

the hallway was quiet. only the sound of my breathing could be heard as i stared ahead at paige's door. i adjusted my sweatshirt and stepped forward, opening her door slowly.

i didn't hear much as i walked in, just the quiet hum on music playing from her living room tv.

i shut the door behind me and slid off my shoes by the mat. "paige?"

"in here," she called out.

i followed the music to find her in the living room, sitting comfortably on the couch. she was in a plain black fitted tee, the same one i noticed in our facetime call earlier, and sweatpants. the only difference is that she now had a pair of glasses on her face.

she looked up to the sound of my footsteps approaching and gave me a smile. "hey."

"hi," i grinned, placing my purse on the floor and plopping down next to her. "i didn't know you wore glasses. you look so adorable."

she peeked at over the rim of her glasses, "adorable? out of all word choices..."

"not gonna lie," i shrugged. "i was gonna say nerdy at first."

she scoffed, but a smile remained on her lips. "how thoughtful."

my eyes fell back on to the coffee table in front of her, i leaned forward to get a better view.  "are those legos?"

"mhm," she picked up a half-taped lego box and showed it to me. "remembered i never finished it, so i figured you could help me tonight."

"i've never built legos before" i admitted, taking the box from her and inspecting it.

she froze. "you've never what?" paige gasped dramatically, her eyes wide behind her lenses. "sev..."

"damn, is it that serious?" i laughed softly, setting the box back on the coffee table next to the tiny scattered lego pieces.

"uh, yeah," she said seriously, handing me the instruction manual. "cmon, you got it."

i took a glimpse through the book, giving her a look. "this shit has like one hundred pages."

"aye, don't disrespect the process."

--

a little while later, we both ended up cross-legged on the floor, hunched over the coffee table like we were cramming for finals. the lego up house was finally starting to look like a house, or at least something like one, and the music still playing lowly in the background was the only thing stopping me from throwing a logo in frustration.

frustration not only from the legos, but from the fact that paige was sitting less than a foot away from me, looking annoyingly good in a pair of glasses that framed her face perfectly.

i held up a red piece, glancing back at the instruction manual again in confusion. "wait, so this piece goes... here?" i pointed towards what looked like a door.

paige peeked over, her shoulder brushing mine. "nah, that's a one by four. you need the one by six."

i stared at the lego and frowned. "they all look the same."

"no they don't," she snickered, looking through the pile of pieces until she found the correct one with ease. "see?"

i groaned, my head dropping onto the couch cushion behind me. "i need a break. this is making me hungry."

paige tapped my thigh, "nope. no breaks for the rookie."

i turned my head, still resting it on the cushion. "oh, you're strict."

"you like it though," a slow smile spread across her face as she continued sifting through a pile of legos.

"hm, maybe," i mumbled, my eyes still on her. 

i noticed how her glasses slid slightly down the bridge of her nose and how a few strands of hair fell loose from her bun. her bottom lip was caught in her teeth again as she concentrated. the lego piece was still in my hand, but i didn't care about it anymore. watching her was much better.

she must have said something to me, but i barely registered it. i was entirely too focused on the way her hands toyed around with the small lego in her hand.

she turned, catching me staring. "what?"

i shook my head dismissively. "nothing."

she set the piece in her hands down on the table and fully turned towards me, leaning closer. "nothing? you sure about that?"

my eyes flickered over to her again. her lips were tempting, still, i looked away and sat up to the table again. "very sure."

i could feel her eyes on the side of my face, watching me as i played with the lego piece just to keep my hands busy. the weight of her stare pressed against my chest made the hairs on the back of my neck raise.

"stop doing that."

my head turned, brows pulling together. "what am i doing?"

"acting like you can't touch me," her voice was low and careful.

i stared at her for a moment, the air around us suddenly feeling much thicker. still, i held myself together. my head tilted, "who said i wanted to?"

the way her smirk deepened sent a shiver down my spine. 

"that's the thing," she chuckled. "you ain't have to say it." her eyes flickered down to my lips. "i can feel it."

"oh my god," i rolled my eyes, trying to shake off how she was making me feel, but my body betrayed me. "you're cocky as fuck."

"mm," paige leaned back against the couch, shoulders lax, her hands now in her lap. "maybe. but, i'm right. you been looking at me all night like you need permission."

"i don't need permission for shit," i said, scoffing under my breath.

"exactly. so prove it."

i almost laughed her off, but by the way her eyes locked on my lips, i knew she was serious. my hand finally dropped the lego i had been clinging to before my body shifted towards her. our legs were nearly touching, and it wouldn't take much for me to take a seat on her inviting lap.

"is this what you had in mind when you told me to come over tonight?" 

paige didn't answer immediately. her fingers slowly trailed toward my clothed thigh. i could feel her fingers drawling mindlessly through the fabric. she finally muttered, "maybe."

i thought about pulling away. tell her goodnight and going to my own apartment across the hall. tell her that this wasn't right.

then paige looked up at me, her eyes darker behind the lenses. "you knew that though," she added, licking her lips.

my breath hitched as her fingers danced higher, and every thought seemed to have left my mind. my hands found her jaw as i leaned in, my thumb grazing the corner of her mouth. i didn't kiss her yet, just waited. for what, i wasn't sure. maybe a sign? an excuse to fall back?

paige didn't move or inch forward. she wanted me to make the first move.

and i did.

i pressed my lips against hers, slowly at first. yet, paige kissed back eagerly like she'd been waiting for this moment since i walked in. her hands gripped my hips, tugging me down onto her lap, and i let her.

one hand found my jaw, squeezing gently, signaling me to part my mouth. once i did her tongue slid in, and i nearly gasped in surprise when her tongue rubbed against mines messily. the other hand the was on my thigh made its way under my sweatshirt, slowly and curiously.

her glasses shifted, starting to slip down her nose and i pulled back to take them off. but paige didn't make it easy, chasing after my lips  and nearly catching my lip between her teeth in the process of me leaning away.

"paige," i laughed under my breath, folding her glasses and placing them behind me on the table.

"hm?" her voice was muffled against my skin as her lips found a new home at the base of my neck. her tongue flicked against my pulse and i moaned quietly. but when i felt her start to suck, i gently pushed her head away, fingers resting on the nape of her neck.

my mind went to the other woman across the hall as she looked at me, slightly dazed and confused.

"don't do that," i whispered.

she searched my eyes, then chuckled, humorless and dry. her hands dropped to rest on my hips. "so what are we doing, sevyn?"

my mouth parted, but i couldn't give her answer. 

"is this about her?" she asked when i didn't respond.

i huffed, "of course it's about her. it always is."

"fuck elisha," she scoffed.

"paige," i rubbed my fingers against my temple. "it's not that simple."

"yeah, it is," paige doubled down, her hands still around my hips squeezing. "i get that you two have history, but look at yourself, sevyn. you keep choosing a version of yourself that's not even happy anymore. you told me that yourself."

i bit the inside of my cheek, hating how she was always right. hating how she always remembered the little details and things that i tell her. hating how she's only known me for a month, but it feels like it's been forever.

but then i thought about my mother. how i watched my father leave her. how she sacrificed everything, working to the bone, just to barely make ends meet. how she practically smoked half her life away because she couldn't deal with the stress anymore.

i wasn't my mother.

but somehow i still felt her presence deep inside me every time i thought about leaving the only stable thing i've had in my life.

my eyes shut, feeling smaller under paige's gaze. 

"what happened to not wanting to just be friends?" paige said softly.

my voice was thin, eyes still shut. "i still want that. trust me." she rubbed circles on my hips, somehow soothing me. 

"but you still want her?"

my eyes opened at that, mouth parting as i tried thinking of an answer.

it wasn't necessary elisha herself that i wanted. i wanted the life i imagined with her— the life since i was fourteen, seeing her for the first time. i wanted the wedding i imagined walking down the isle to. i wanted the big house and marigold garden that i imagined her attending to as our kids ran around.

without that, i wasn't sure who i was. at least outside of dancing.

"i want the life i've built with her," i finally whispered. "and leaving her means i'll be alone for the first time in a long time. everything i've pictured for my life will be gone, just like that. i don't know if i can handle that, paige."

"it's okay to want something new. that's part of life, sev. people outgrow each other," she squeezed my hip reassuringly. "and you never needed her to live the life you deserve. besides, you won't be alone. you'll have me."

i let out a small sigh, my body falling forward into paige as i rested my head on her shoulder. my arms loosely wrapped around her waist. "you're so good with words. it's getting kinda annoying," i mumbled against the fabric of her tee.

"i'm good at other things too, y'know?"

i cracked a laugh, "shut up."

[shaddork]

The Star that Wouldn't Die - Chapter 8

Jason Todd x Fem!Reader

<Previous - Masterlist - Next>

Summary:

Jason's mother disappears, an eviction notice appears

Word Count: 2,259

--------------------------------------

Nine Years Ago

` Jasons’ mother had disappeared and you only found out a month after. You hadn’t even noticed if Jason had been acting strange. Sure, he’d been eating with you and your mother frequently, but that wasn’t uncommon. Not when afterwards you got to read comic books and discuss the books that you’d been making your way through after eating. 

He’d still been waiting for you in the mornings so that you could go to school together, and then he’d come home with you. Chattering the entire time, the same smile as usual gracing his face. There was no reason for you to think that anything was unusual. Everything seemed normal.  As normal as two best friends living in the bowery could be at least. There wasn’t any running to the local park in the middle of the day to play, not when that was more dangerous than anything else. 

Jason was still bringing new books and comic books for the two of your to read. Whenever you asked how he got his hands on so many of them so quickly, he just grinned and put a finger over his lips, “It’s a secret.” You didn’t question it further than that. He was bringing you new reading material, and that was all that you needed to know. On occasion he’d even have new pencils and erasers for you. 

You were happy, life was good. Your mother took care of you, took you and Jason to school, you got to play with Jason an almost endless amount, Sammy you saw at school, and sometimes you even got to go over to his house with Jason so you could all pile on to his trampoline and play games. 

That was until Jason showed up at your bedroom window late one night. Not odd. What was odd was the fact he was crying. Crying so hard it was almost violent. Fat tears streaming down his face and leaving trails in their wake. Hands clutching a piece of paper in his fist like it was the most important thing in the world at the moment. No other sight could have woken you up so quickly. 

Not when you’d vowed to yourself that you’d do anything in your power to ensure that he was grinning at all times. He lit up the whole room when he smiled, the world felt light when it was directed at you. Something was wrong, and you needed to do whatever you could to fix it. 

The window practically flew open, it was still rusted and difficult to get up, but once it had been pried open enough that Jason could fit his fingers underneath the glass, he was pushing it upward with more force than you’d ever seen him put into opening the window. 

No permission was attained before Jason was stumbling into your bedroom, one clumsy limb following the other until he was inside, and crashing into your bed without bothering to pull the window shut behind him. Something he was normally so conscious of doing. He buried his face into your pillow, pressing it close against his mouth and nose, hiding his eyes with his arms. He was still crying, even muffled as it was through the pillow, it was still audible. 

He’d been crying the night that you met him, but it hadn’t been like this. No, even though his body had been shaking then, that was from an effort to keep himself quiet. This was something that you’d never seen, not on Jason. A deep grief that didn’t make sense. Why would he be crying like this?

“Jason, what’s wrong?”

Jason doesn’t respond, but he does lift one arm up and throw the crumpled piece of paper he’d been clutching in his fist at you. 

You didn’t manage to catch it, but after picking it up from the ground, it was obvious what it was. Any kid living in Crime Alley knew what it was. You’d seen it many times, plastered on people's doors before they were kicked out from their homes for some reason unknown to you. All you knew was that an eviction notice meant that whoever lived there would be gone soon, and after they left you never saw them again. 

The thought of never seeing Jason again was painful. IN reality, you hadn’t known him that long, only a year. But to a child a year was a long time. A year was long enough that you couldn’t picture your life without Jason, not anymore. You couldn’t imagine not meeting to read together, draw together, just generally play together. 

“Jason…” It wasn’t often that you were at a loss for words. People were constantly calling you a verbose kid, able to talk for hours even if nobody was responding to you. Instead of finding anything to say to him, you moved into bed next to him and laid your head onto his back, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and hugging him as best you could with the way he was clutching your pillow and sobbing into it. 

The position wasn’t comfortable, but it didn’t matter. He needed comfort, and you didn’t have the words, so hugging him was the best that you could offer. Wrapping your body around him like a security blanket, you’d stay like that for as long as he needed, even if it was well after the sun rose. 

You didn’t know how long you stayed like that, but Jason did eventually move his chin on top of the pillow, and sniffled twice before speaking. His voice was raw and cracking from how much and hard he’d been crying. Voice unsteady and unstable. “Mom’s gone. The apartment is empty and I don’t know what to do.” 

You still didn’t know what to say, wrapping your arms around his shoulders tighter, pressing your body closer to his. Your life wasn’t perfect by any means, not even close. You were well aware there were other kids who had better lives, hell Sammy had a better life than you. A better living situation where the windows weren’t rusted so badly they barely opened, walls that had paint chipping off them and water damage on the ceilings. Nut this? You’d never been evicted from a home, your mother had never gone missing with no explanation. You’d never been left alone the way that he was now. 

“She disappears sometimes…but she always comes back eventually. She’s never been gone this long. And- and” A hiccup, and more sniffling. Tears still streamed down his face, even if he was trying to talk through them. Trying to tell you what was going on. “They’re not gonna let me stay in the apartment without her. I don’t know what to do.”

If he needed a place to stay, you’d offer sharing your room without a second thought. You had no problem sharing a room with him, you already practically did. He’d never actually slept over, but he spent so much time in your room that it really wouldn’t be that different to you. But would your mother approve? You doubted it. Even when you asked if Jason could stay over for the night for a sleepover in the past, she’d always told you no. No matter how much you and Jason tried to convince her. 

Wait. 

Your mom. 

She wouldn’t be awake for several hours, but there wasn’t any harm in letting him stay for the rest of the night, right? You could ask her what to do in the morning. Maybe she’d know how to solve the situation. Maybe she could stop Jason from getting kicked out of the apartment, and then you wouldn’t have to lose him as a friend. 

“We can ask mom in the morning, see if she knows what to do?You can stay here for the night at least.” 

Several more sniffles, and a nod. “Okay.” 

Offering to read some comic books didn’t seem like the right thing to do right now. You didn’t know what the right thing to do was. But you doubted that it was that. So instead you moved from hugging him, to laying down next to him. You only had one pillow, but he seemed like he needed it more at the moment. 

So you let him have it, laying down next to him until eventually the both of you fell asleep. Using the moth eaten blanket that you’d owned your entire life to gather some variety of warmth. It wasn’t necessarily cold outside, but the window was still open,and the fact it wasn’t cold  didn’t mean that it was warm enough outside yet to be able to sleep without a blanket. Especially with the subpar heater in your apartment. 

That's how your mother found the two of you in the morning, curled up together, Jason with the pillow, and you without one. She didn’t wake you immediately, making breakfast for the three of you first. Then coming and gently shaking you awake. 

Jason was still asleep when she woke you, blinking the sleep out of your eyes. “Morning mama.”

“Morning. Care to explain why Jasons here when I've repeatedly told you that there would be no sleepovers between the two of you?” You were still wrapped around him, and at some point during the night he’d moved so that he was wrapped around you as well. Taking the comfort that you so eagerly extended to him. 

Maybe if you were older you would have known that it wasn’t your issue to tell your mom what had happened. But he’d nodded when you suggested asking her in the morning, and you had to explain why you were breaking her very carefully and clearly placed rules. “There was an eviction notice. He was crying and…I thought it would be okay just for the night?”

“Eviction notice?”

“His mom is gone and…and he was crying, I’m supposed to be nice to people who are crying aren’t I?”

“Yeah…it’s okay…we’ll talk more about it later okay? Just wake him up and come get breakfast.” 

And that’s exactly what you did. Gently shaking Jason until he woke up and then telling him breakfast was ready. He still looked like he was about to cry, but at least he wasn’t outright sobbing anymore. Although he wasn’t smiling the way that you liked to see him though. It still hurt to see him without his smile, causing an odd tightening sensation in your chest, but at least it was better than before, right?

The breakfast that your mother had made wasn’t anything particularly special. She usually cooked something for you, and on days that she didn’t it was cereal. Today it was scrambled eggs and toast. 

Jason brought the eviction notice to the table with him, and he wasn’t chattering while he ate. It was strange. He normally chattered whenever the two of you ate together. But it made sense that he wasn’t in the mood to chat at the moment. After all, the previous night had been rough, and even if you didn’t like the silence, it wasn’t like you could do much about it. And chatting felt wrong at that exact moment. So breakfast was silent, not the comfortable kind of silence, nor was it awkward. More somber than anything else. 

For once, you finished breakfast before Jason, and your mother suggested that you go shower and change clothes. You complied easily enough. Whenever she said that it was time for you to shower, well, then it was time for you to shower. Plus you were still in your pajamas and it had been a day or two since your last shower. 

Leaving Jason wasn’t something that you were excited about. Even if you wanted to just stay by him and hug him until he finally smiled again, you did need to do what your mother told you. You’d be back by his side when you were showered and changed anyways. But when you finished showering and changing, your mother sent Jason to go get a change of clothes from his apartment and then shower himself, leaving you alone with your mother while he did. 

His plate wasn’t empty. 

It was always empty whenever he ate with you in the past.. 

“Jason will stay on our couch until we’re able to figure out a more permanent solution. I’ll make a missing persons report on his mother and see if they can’t find her. But that’s the temporary plan for now.”

“So like an extended sleepover!” 

“Sort of. But I expect both of you to get all your schoolwork done and behave yourselves. I’ll go to the police station while you two are at school and before I go to work. Got it? I’m serious about the schoolwork, no slacking off just because you two get to spend more time together now.”

“Yes mom!”

You waited for Jason to be done showering, and once he was, you decided that he would smile that day, no matter what you had to do. So the day was spent trying to cheer him up, with books, tv, board games, anything that you could think of. And while he did participate, he still wasn’t smiling, despite your best attempts. 

You heard him crying on the couch that night, and you went out to sit with him. Eventually falling asleep on the floor, and you woke up in your bed the next morning. Your mom must have found you at some point during the night and then moved you to bed.