#so they very responsibly rehomed her for her own well being

[hellenhighwater]

what breed(s) are vice malice and mayhem? i'm guessing himalayan or maybe part maine coon?

Nope! They are dumpster babies. They have no lineage or pedigree; the closest they've been to a breed was meeting Eleanor one time. Vice is part dryer lint and Malice is a meatball. Arguably The Meatball. They have no affiliation with any sort of Proper Cat and while Vice looks like a little lost lordling and Malice acts like undisputed queen of the universe, neither of them can claim to be anything but a completely standard Domestic Longhair Cat. They're not even related to each other.

Eleanor, for the record, is a Himalayan/Ragdoll cross. She's got papers and everything. She can't read them though, because there's nothing in her head but pretty pretty fluff.

[doberbutts]

It bothers me so much when people give up so quickly on their secondhand dogs because it's very possible that whatever the issue is is simply resolved by time but the dog gets returned within a week or two instead of worked with and no one wants to be patient.

Phoebe shat in her crate or on my floor (or both) every single day for three weeks. Turns out she was deficient in vitamin b12 and her liver was Very Angry because she had a horde of hookworms partying in her intestines. Fixing these problems made the behavior go away.

Was it frustrating to come home every day to a shitsplosion and have to bathe the dog, sanitize the crate, scrub the carpet, and then effectively set off a nuclear bomb of cleaning chemicals in my bathtub to prevent the spread? YES. But I knew there had to be a medical reason for it, and there WAS, and now the problem is (mostly) resolved and I haven't needed to scrub the crate down for a week and a half.

If I'd've given up and returned her within a week, she still might be sick.

It just. Really bothers me. I understand being frustrated with something. I threatened to return Sushi when we hit 10 months old and she was still occasionally pissing on the floor. But now Sushi's 2.5 years old and the behavior doesn't exist anymore. Tater hated Sushi for a solid like 6 months and refused to accept her as part of the household. Creed was constantly hurting me (by accident) to the point where my boss at work pulled me aside and asked if someone was beating me at home AND I debated returning him due to dog aggression in adolescence. Tiki was sick. Skoll had something deeply wrong with him. Fae caught giardia and then it took months to get rid of.

Just. Dogs aren't perfect. They have flaws. Sometimes you have to, you know, actually put in work to fix those flaws.

This isn't a dig at responsible rehoming- sometimes the best thing you can do for an animal is give it to someone else. As said, this is more frustration seeing people get a dog and then like a week later going "actually this [admittedly annoying but ultimately fixable thing] is unacceptable I don't want the dog anymore". You think I liked working for 8 hours and then coming home to clean up biohazardous zoonotic and contagious disease dog shit for at minimum an hour or two every day??? You think I enjoyed going through an entire pack of paper towels as well as two bottles of pet odor/stain cleaner per week??? That's just the ugly parts of owning a dog.

[homeofhousechickens]

I was really not going to go into it here because i was accused of shit talking before when i vented about it without naming names but i really think The Ramsey Loft should drastically downsize their flock. Its part of the reason i havent really be interacting that blog alot and rebloging her birds and why i left all the discords. Dani is an incredibly stubborn person and at the end of the day i cant tell her how to run her flock or communities.

I think that people who are well meaning just sometimes end up with to many animals and responsibilities that they can safely handle and care for. This especially goes for people who are disabled and/or neurodivergent.

I think this also especially goes for rescueing and breeding operations. I dont want to point and call someone a hoarder but im sorry to tell you guys but there are things that happen in The Ramsey Loft that dont happen to other companion breeder lofts beceause its likely Danis loft is overstocked and unstable. Did you guys know at one time there was over 60 birds in that loft (which it is not very big space to begin with) with eggs still on the way? It got really bad guys.

These past few years i have been talking to other pigeon keepers both online and locally to me and it really opened my eyes on what Dani does not being as good as i was lead to believe.

No one is perfect, I am forever grateful Dani has been a wonderful gateway for so many people for pigeons but i think this may have caused alot of parasocial interaction where because Dani is the first pigeon knowledgeable person people meet, people kind of overlook everything else. Even i made this mistake.

If Dani finds this she will likely get pretty mad about it but i already said my part to her, i think alot of people are scared to come forward because of Dani's following and Dani's stubbornness. Like me and other people can tell her its not normal for peeps to get scalped and maimed so often, and that suffering 8 loft deaths recently is catastrophic. I am sure she is grieving but i hope that maybe Dani will drastically downsize and maybe stop rescueing for a bit so she can actually have time to grieve and recover from a loss like this. I truely dont even think Dani has had time to grieve some other tragic deaths that have happened because of the number of birds in her care.

Just these past few years i have seen things that were horrible and have seen other people who doing bad things also have their behavior enabled and as some who raises animals myself i just really cant stand for and i had to step away.

When my chronic pain and fatigue worsened especially after Scoots death i made the choice to rehome Baby bird and Nebby and step away from keeping large fowl since their larger size and larger needs were hard for me to handle on top of Blue and Greenies vet care needs. Because i made that choice i had the time and space to grieve so now i can give birds like Beeper a chance.

Dani has alot of medical issues and i really think even her normal cap of 40 birds is to much especially on top of intaking rescues. Dani runs so many social medias as well and i know as well that it can be a full time job on its own sometimes.

There seems to be this community surrounding Dani that is enabling this behavior and not questioning harder. It does suck and i wish bad things didnt keep happening but the animals cannot keep suffering for it. I really think this is due to parasocial interactions and not genuine concern for both Dani and these birds. Dani has said herself that people shouldnt be afraid to come forward with their concerns but that is difficult when you understand the context of her community especially when recently two POC were chased out of the discord for expressing concerns over racism.

I love Fluffernutter. I love Emilio,Loki, and MJ. They are great birds with various different background and I dont regret them. I think its really telling though that due to tragic accidents both Fluffernutter's mother Rigby and sister Puddin are dead. Some of my other birds children have passed away as well and it really sucks to see, and it just keeps happening.

I hope no one will be angry at me for posting this. Im really not trying to start drama. I really care about these birds. I promise you i have cried in frustration and grief over this.

If i was in the same position i would hope my community i have built here and my own friends would step forward with their grievances. In fact, that has actually happened before. I test bred Scoot to see how his health issues inherented (and i got my answer) but my friend didnt know that information and why i was breeding so they reached out in concern and i am so thankful i have friends and people in my community who feel comfortable enough to reach out to me like that.

I dont know, i just hope Dani and the birds get help. I think her breeding project is commendable but i dont see how she can succeed with her priorities stretched so thin and she has so many birds.

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Xiao Ge and The Triangle’s Extended Family

Lemme be clear: this meta is contingent on my own headcanon and supposition, brought to you by nighttime coffee.

Zhang Qiling is a role. It is power. It is position. It is tradition. It is duty. It is what he gets to keep, every time he loses who he is. Xiao Ge is a little nickname, almost as casual as Menyouping. The boy who sticks around and calls him that, not as a title but as an individual, is the person who fights to keep him every time he loses who he is.

The name Xiao Ge as a regular name for him is the essence of found family—the Zhang family would never call their patriarch that, they would never understand that sometimes an undying warrior needs chick-adorned boxers and some yummy snacks, or comprehend that a home can be an old antiques business run by an aging-but-still-got-it disaster twink and his friend who is dynamite in a hurricane bottled into a whiskey jug. The Zhangs couldn’t ever understand why he would go behind the Bronze Gate in someone else’s place. Liu Sang calls him Idol, and at first that’s uncomfortable, someone putting him on such a pedestal. The Zhangs call him Patriarch, the burden of expectant generations on his shoulders.

And who Xiao Ge is only grows more and more, as they all figure out, maybe an iron triangle can have…extensions. Xiao Bai is in that annex, a little sister whose original hero worship of Wu Xie he might have found off putting if he didn’t understand how easy it is to center your life around protecting that sweet smile. So much of young Tianzhen in her excited naïveté, her quick attachment to people, with (thankfully) a bit more pragmatism. Pangzi’s quick acceptance of her does help, admittedly. She’s used to being underestimated due to her youth, gender, and size, and uses that to her advantage. Xiao Ge likes that she takes what people see as a drawback and turns it into a sword to wield.

Liu Sang is there, his protege who will never, ever again have to fear the family he’s in. Xiao Ge swears this to himself. He watches the boy with Wu Xie and Pangzi carefully, is so relieved that Pangzi is now constantly on the verge of making the kid something to eat. So relieved that Wu Xie and Liu Sang share a similar dry wit. He doesn’t know what he would have done if the other members of their iron triangle didn’t want Liu Sang around—he should have known the very idea that two weirdo rebellious misfits would reject someone is ridiculous. But the first time he notices that when Wu Xie coughs from some dust in the air, Liu Sang tilts his head and subtly listens in on their friend’s breathing before giving Pangzi a thumbs up behind Wu Xie’s back—Xiao Ge knows then that Liu Sang has accepted them right back.

Li Cu is there, snarling at Wu Xie that he took a basic health course at school (for like, no reason whatsoever okay shut up) and if you don’t start taking care of yourself better, Thunder City won’t have mattered, all that prickly behavior that covers his terror of nearly losing something he only just found. Xiao Ge can relate. There is no negotiation about Li Cu being around—although Xiao Ge is initially awkward around this child who has been through hell in large part thanks to Wu Xie but on his behalf. It’s easier once he realizes that Li Cu has chosen to process the whole kidnapping bit as more of a sudden rehoming that worked out well, and so now there’s another kid with a shitty background who he needs to stand in front of. Pangzi for his part treats Li Cu as a baby sparrow that magically fell into his mother hen nest, and insists on constant updates about Li Cu’s friend group and university campus drama. Xiao Ge has found himself feeling weirdly responsible for this prickly, sarcastic brat who pretends he’s not hanging on Wu Xie’s every word. Li Cu gives him a funny, hesitant look the first time he calls him “Xiao Ge,” but then almost immediately it’s like he’s been around for years, “ugh my not-dad’s cool boyfriend” vibes

Xiao Ge remembers meeting Wang Meng for the first time after his “little memory problem” occurs, as Pangzi calls it—remembers the odd awkwardness in the shop that day, but it’s nothing compared to the few months of weirdly hostile politeness after he returns from the bronze gate. It takes a while before he figures out why—communication isn’t necessarily a strength of his. Pangzi, who clearly considers Wang Meng to be a cousin and fellow Wu Xie babysitter in this blessed mess, lets it slip pseudo-casually late one night. It takes some reading between the lines, but Xiao Ge figures out what all the devoted Wang Meng went through in those ten years. Realizes that there is a struggle in Wang Meng’s mind, between the rational side of him that understands how messed up everything got, knows this fuckery as a whole is not anyone’s fault except the Wang family but there is also the Wang Meng who is the ride or die employee/pal to Wu Xie. An underrated role, one we barely get a good taste of in Tomb of the Sea. This man is loyal and a little tunnel-visioned. I’m fairly certain it’s a mandatory element in the “So You Want To Work For the Wu Family” psych eval and even Erjing kinda counts. He needs to blame someone and he can’t really stay mad at Wu Xie, but there’s an absent, silent shadow to project things onto. He’s getting over that part. Really. It’s just going to take time. Doesn’t mean he’s not a friend…he maybe lurked a little, gripping a push-broom, as Wu Xie helped Xiao Ge unpack his one bag of belongings in Wushanju, but he also made sure Xiao Ge got a spare set of keys right away. (Xiao Ge doesn’t use keys to enter buildings but didn’t have the heart to tell him that. It’s the thought that counts)

[cowboyjen68]

Hi. Do you have any advice for a person whose girlfriend of 10 years broke up with her? I'm very shocked and heartbroken, because she just left and doesn't talk to me and I don't know where I'm standing. I'm living in our commonly owned flat taking care of our pets and I don't know how much longer I'll have to endure it. I also don't have friends in the town where I lived with her, those I had were mutual and they followed her and don't talk to me - and I can't leave because of the pets. I'm lonely and devastated and I don't know what to do, both in the nearest future and the rest of my life. How do I cope?

I am sorry she took the cowards way out and left you with all the responsibilities. I have a slight understanding of this. My ex left after 17 years taking ONE dog when she has brought 8 home and bascially got to make a clean start. The house had been mine but the debt and unfinished projects in the home were largely hers. She knew I would care for the animals and figure out the house so she left.

Frankly, one she was gone I immediately began to make changes to make my life liveable the way I wanted and to make it sustainable but I moved slow. It was sometimes hard to see what I needed to do. The difference was I had not been in love for a very long time and neither had she. We also did pretty well at communitcating with each other and being kind as we sorted out life. I still ended up with the debt and animals but at least we had a fairly healthy closure.

My advice would be to contact a lawyer if you can. An initial consult is usually free and she can let you know if she can help you navigate the legal aspect of things. If you can afford the flat see if removing her name is viable without her getting financial gain from it. Ask about the legalities of selling it and how that could be handled since she as abandoned the property.

After my ex left I contacted a rescue I knew and asked for help rehoming some of the dogs she left. I knew I could not care for them in the long term and they assisted in finding them loving homes. There is no shame in not being able to handile a large amount of animals as a single person. You work schedule and pocket book might make that a stressful and unrealistic task. If you are not willing to let any go, contact a local pet care (in house) business to see how much it costs to get some help walking or cleaning one day or so a week. That can be enough to give you a break.

If you are just plain stuck as you are for now do things to improve life as you can. Pack up her stuff, you can pick a room and put all her things in there. Begin to revisit the way your home is set up and decorated. Look at it from a fresh perspective. You can do anything you want so move things where you want them, take down art you don't like. Hang up photos or art you care about. Declutter some things that are just a constant reminder. It has been since 2018 and I am STILL seeing things that I can move or get rid of but have been living with for so long I didn't realize I don't need them in my life any more.

Facebook is "old fashioned" but here are lots of lesbian pages for just about every walk of lesbians life on there and many are regional. You might be able to connect with others. Be careful of course but it can't hurt to see who is on there and looking for friendship or just a coffee buddy. If you can find even one or two new friends that can lead to finding a circle of friends who, could perhaps, be future roommates to ease your financial burden and who could help with the pets if you need a day off.

Find a therapist. Also, check with your local social services. Many off legal help for a discounted price and wil have many ideas to help you. From money to pay utilities to social gatherings than fit your hobbies and interests.

Subscribe to Lesbian Connection. It is free to lesbians who can't afford it and they have international subscribers and resources for lesbians. You might see something in there for your area.

The pain will ease and you will grow to see that your life can be as you want it now, it just takes some work to get there.

[mylifeisactuallyamess]

Epilogue

General Hux x Female Reader/Kylo Ren x Female Reader

A/N: This is it. The last time I will post about this story (unless I visit them in a one shot.) I am so sad but so grateful at the same time, this fic got a lovely following and I appreacite anyone who took the time to comment/like/reblog any or all chapters. This fic spawned from a Writer Wednesday prompt months ago, so thank you @autumnleaves1991-blog for posting that picture of the brick arch and pond all those weeks ago! Here we go!

Warnings: PTSD mentions, war mentions, none of them are ok.

Word Count: 2284

Read the Epilogue here on AO3

Masterlist

The air was crisp, carrying the tang of the salty sea and wrapping it around you, ruffling your dress. You shielded your eyes against the dipping sun, seeing the light refract off the water as it heaved below you, the sounds of the waves crashing into the cliffs boomed up to you creating a sound like thunder. The tide was high and that meant they’d be back any moment. You looked back at the cottage behind you, the white walls and the pretty flowers were picture perfect, it was everything you’d ever dreamed, the makeshift hangar sat to the side and it housed the X-Wing you had from your time with the Resistance. Next to it was another larger more recognisable ship, you had some visitors and you needed to prepare Armitage before he saw them.

A giggle carried on the breeze that swirled around you and your face softened into a smile, first you could only see your daughter's head on the path as they came up the steep hill, her long bright red hair caught in the wind, the long tresses flowing around her and glowing with the bright light of the sun. She was giggling, looking down as she plastered her hands all over your poor husband's face. You stifled a laugh as he pretended to stumble, or maybe he really did because she kept shoving her fingers in his eyes.

“Phasma! I can’t see!” You heard him cry followed by more peals of laughter as she continued her assault. “Oh look! It’s Mummy. Hold on!” She squealed as he began to run, holding her legs in place on his shoulders, so she bounced happily full of laughter and smiles until he came to a stop before you. His chest heaved and he let out a loud huff. “You’re getting a bit heavy, little one!”

“Shush Daddy, I am not.” You cocked an eyebrow making a mental note of how much she sounded like her father. Armitage leaned in and gave you a kiss on the lips.

“Who’s here?” He asked quietly.

“Well, it’s Poe, Finn, Rose, Mitaka and….” You paused, not sure if he wanted to hear his name or not.

“And?” He pressed.

“And Ben.” You saw the blank expression fall over his face and you inwardly sighed. “Look they’re not here to cause trouble, the war is over, it has been for a few years now.” You ran a hand through your daughter's hair as she clutched your leg. “We barely see anyone. It's nice for them to drop by.” He moved away, putting a hand in his pocket while using the other to run through his hair. Even after all this time he kept it in the same style, just a habit you guessed or maybe he’d just never experienced another style.

“There’s a reason we don’t see anyone,” he said stiffly. You dragged Phasma with you, coming to stand next to him.

“Armitage, do you forget how I was the one who discovered Finn and Rose. I brought them to you.”

“And I ordered them to be executed and Finn…” he glanced down at his daughter. His hand resting on top of yours in her hair as she gazed at him with big green eyes. You knew he wanted to say Finn killed Phasma, but you felt like pointing out the war was responsible for everything that had happened. All these people had been puppets for someone else, made to believe in something that ultimately influenced their actions and choices.

“It’s over now.” You needed him to acknowledge that, the war was over. You supposed it would have been harder for him than the rest, being brought up and beaten into a person who should always strive for glory and control. Finn managed to break free, even Ben but then he had a loving family for the first few years of his life. He had a taste of normality, as did Poe, Rose had her sister until the evacuation of D’Qar. But Hux had no one, except Phasma and Mitaka and even then he was their General, their leader. He was alone for so long you didn’t know how to get him to see they were all just people now. What they had all been through was horrific, you just knew for Armitage, it was harder to adjust. He didn’t say anything else and you crouched down to Phasma’s level.

“There are some very special people in our house to meet you including Uncle Mitaka.”

“Me kaka?” She screamed in glee, fisting her hands under her chin in joy before tearing off to the house. Hux watched her go, a strange expression on his face. You stood, taking his hand and holding it tight. You made him look at you, feeling the stubble on his cheeks which he let grow now. The red dusting covered his chin and cheeks making him look rugged and even more handsome.

“They wouldn’t have come if they were going to be rude or start a fight or accuse you of things that happened years ago. They are here to see us, as a family. If they can forgive Ben they can forgive you.”

“But Ben is clearly a new man now…” he started and you cut him off by putting a hand over his mouth.

“And look at you. No uniform, no hat, you have a daughter, Armitage, you live in a bloody cottage.” He sighed against your hand and you knew you had won this round.

You stepped away from the cliff edge tugging on his hand and he reluctantly came with you, dragging his feet slightly. You went through the back door Phasma had left open and shut out the dusk that was settling on the cliffs around the cottage. Voices plus your daughter's laughter came from the main living area and you squeezed Hux’s hand reassuringly before walking in. A chorus of greetings met you both and even though you’d said hello before you went round and hugged them all again, pleased to see Hux shaking hands with Poe and Finn. You held your breath when it came to Ben who was sitting in your biggest armchair with Phasma perched on his lap.

“Armitage,” Ben said and held out his hand. The moment stretched for longer than you liked but eventually your husband reached out and shook it. Everybody sighed with relief and you asked if anyone wanted a drink, taking Hux with you into the kitchen. He helped you prepare some drinks in silence, listening to laughter and banter from the others mingled with your daughter's cries of joy as someone was clearly tickling her. Hux carried the drinks and you handed them out, a pleased feeling began to fill your chest as Poe engaged him in conversation. Mitaka stoked the fire and a flare of heat blazed into the room making it more cosy.

“How has he been?” Dopheld asked you quietly.

“The nightmares seem to have eased, it helps that he has Phasma with him nearly all of the time,” you looked over seeing Armitage still in conversation with Poe, your daughter now nestled in his arms sucking her thumb as she gazed at the curly haired pilot. “She seems to know what he needs when he needs it.” You felt a hand on your shoulder and threw a smile at Finn. “Hey you, how’s the Trooper Rehoming going?” He shrugged.

“There were a few we managed to trace back to their families but the majority have made their own settlement out on Yavin 4. You should come visit sometime.” He offered.

“I’d like that but…” your gaze flickered to Armitage. “Maybe it will be just me and Phasma….” You trailed off making a face. “Maybe not,” you chuckled.

“You would all be welcome,” he reassured you before heading over to sit with Rose. Your gaze drifted to Ben who seemed captivated by the fire, but you recognised the signs. The clenching of his fists, the tightness in his jaw, the vase on your mantelpiece fell and shattered drawing everyone’s attention. The fire flared behind you and you looked up to see Hux clutching Phasma to him and backing away slowly. Poe went to approach Ben as the very walls of your house began to shake matching the quivering of your insides but you threw out a silent hand to stop the pilot. You didn’t say Ben’s name, not wanting to startle him instead you crouched before him, placing a calming hand over his forearm and his hazel gaze swung to you.

“Come on, I need you to look at my X-Wing. I think it has a faulty fuel line, Armitage says the circuit breakers are burnt out but we aren’t mechanics.” You could hear the house settling as you pulled his attention away from his thoughts. You didn’t wait for an answer, taking Ben’s hand and shooting a look at Hux. He wasn’t happy, you could see it in his face and the set of his shoulders but you’d rather Ben put his mind to good use than accidentally destroying your house. He had to duck slightly through the low doorways as he followed you outside. Your feet didn’t falter, you’d travelled this path so many times in the dark when you couldn’t sleep. Every time you’d calmed Armitage from a nightmare you had come in here, just to tinker to take your mind off everything. Sometimes it worked, other times you came in here and cried, releasing your pent up emotion alone.

“Here,” you gestured to the hangar and stepped aside. “Wreck it, tinker with it, just don’t ruin the inside of my house, please.” He nodded, moving to touch your tools on the bench gently with his finger tips.

“You come in here often.” It wasn’t a question.

“It is my place to spend time on my own and process everything that happened,” you confessed knowing you couldn’t hide anything from him. “I am coping better than Armitage.”

“Are you though?” He asked bluntly and you blinked. You thought you were, dealing with Phasma kept you occupied during the day, you stayed up late most nights keeping an eye on Armitage so you didn’t have much thought space until you knew he was ok.

“Yes, I am keeping myself busy.” Ben smirked at your reply.

“Looking after two other people does not mean you are coping.”

“Yeah well, someone’s got to do it.” You turned and walked back to the cottage. The conversation was still flowing in the living area but you walked past to go to the kitchen and maybe prepare some food. Armitage appeared within moments, he tried to hide his displeasure but you could read him like a book.

“How’s Phasma?” You asked.

“Asleep on Mitaka.” He replied and you nodded, opening the cupboards trying to find your guests something to eat but you didn’t realise your hands were shaking until Hux gently slid his over yours. “It’s ok,” he whispered, coming up behind you. “He will be gone soon.”

“I really wanted to be ok with him, I just want to be ok.” You looked up as Mitaka appeared at the kitchen door and you smiled at the way Phasma’s arms hung over his shoulder, her little face buried in his neck and he pointed to the stairs. “Just take her straight up, she’ll stay asleep when you lay her down.” He nodded and slowly made his way up the wooden steps. You quickly wiped your damp cheek but Poe then appeared and you felt Hux’s increasing frustration that he couldn’t comfort you in private.

“We’re going to head off in a bit, we need to drop Finn off at the settlement. Do you guys need anything? I need to swing this way on the back so I can grab some supplies?” You nodded enthusiastically, already rattling off a list, since the X-Wing refused to start, you were stuck with what you could find here and in the small local market.

“Ok wow, maybe I’ll get you some spare parts for that ship of yours, if you want I can bring BB8 next time?”

“No need.” Rumbled Ben as he stood in the doorway. “I fixed it, loose connection so it couldn’t connect to the engines.”

“Thank you Ben. Alright out go, too many massive men near my tiny kitchen,” you ushered them out, including Mitaka when he chose that moment to come down the stairs. Finn and Rose were already outside looking up at the stars as everyone filed out and the goodbyes started. Ben was last, enveloping you in a big hug with a quick knowing squeeze before he headed to the Falcon. Poe clapped Armitage on the shoulder promising he’d visit more often, Mitaka echoing his sentiment.

“Just be careful, all of you,” you called. They all waved as they disappeared up the ramp and you felt Armitage put his arm around your shoulders.

“As much as I disliked them all at one time, I’m glad they visited,” he said in a soft tone.

“I’m sorry, but seeing Ben slip like that….” You put a hand to your throat feeling the familiar constriction in your chest. “Just brought back memories,” you whispered.

“We’re all broken, one way or another.” You looked up at your husband. “But I wouldn’t want to try and repair myself with anyone else.”

“I love you Armitage.”

“And I love you and our quiet life and our daughter.” You leaned into him accepting the kiss before letting him lead you back inside the warmth of your cottage.

After all, war does not determine who is right. Only who is left.

[ask-rp-devra]

With autumn slowly creeping in, the team was busy every day, getting ready for the winter to come. The crops looked good, morning dew on them as the professor stumbled out with a few Pokemon, taking them out for a morning stretch and bathroom break. She ambled about the garden, mindlessly eating a berry or two, pulling the odd weed out, while sipping coffee in the quiet. It wouldn’t be long before the Galar region was to open a new area up to the general public, and seeing as the team now had a galarian resident on it, the woman decided it’d be wise to go back and get the remainder of Devra’s Pokemon. They’d been stashed at her family home from what she had gathered, and now the gates were being fully opened, they could apply to move to johto, to the island. She had to admit, the idea of the tundra area becoming accessible was a little daunting, peach had never been too resilient in the cold. Perhaps this would be a good test for her. Val was going to come along for this trip, she planned to just go for a field visit with her Pokemon, but with Devs enthusiasm to explore too, it seemed wise to team up and go together on the trip. The young intern had been steadily learning, and because of her, Peach was freed up to do more work in other areas, now less busy with the herds of non-grass types. She did however get to visit for fun more, which she had to admit was enjoyable. Secret meetings with the stantler had become her lunch breaks as of late, they all seemed very calm with the big leader around, Donut, peach’s dear baby boy. Sadly he couldn’t come with her on the trip, he would have been a perfect fit for the area and it’s cold.

Perhaps it’d be nice to just start fresh, see who she ended up with as a team. Her hand found Val mid thought, petting her stupidly warm body. At least they could get some time together. Val had been so upset about not being able to go to Galar the first time round, so now was the chance to make it up to the Pokemon.

Devra was up an hour before sunrise, a rhythm to her day now that just came easily to her now. She would get up, get dressed for the days needs, then feed her main team of Pokémon first. Once they were taken care of she made her way outside, heading over to the main stable and barn of her little pocket of the island. She went inside and flicked on some of the lights, not wanting to startle the sleeping Pokémon awake. Never the less, she was still greeted by some happy calls from stalls scattered around the building, the Pokémon inside having grown used to Devra’s routine by now. She grabbed her push cart full of different feed mixtures, humming to herself as she started feeding everyone down one side of the building then working her way back down the other side. The last stall she always took care of was that housing her favorite family. Her partner Pokémon Fiona was laying in hay next to her mate, Peach’s Pokémon Titan. While they still dozed there was already a nose poking over the stall door, little Aliza always excited to see her mom’s favorite human.

Not too long after her coffee, peach had thrown an outfit on, and ambled towards the stables, she needed a mount today, and figured it was a good time to pop across, see how everyone was doing. A few members of the barn groups had to be checked on, at least once or twice a week, peach could leave the busy work to Devra and she appreciated it, but still had to go do the general health checks needed to keep everyone monitored, especially as the winter was threatening to roll in heavily. She kicked the door too a bit, Val going in first, clocking Devra, leaning over the stall door to pet the young ponyta. Upon seeing peach Titan stretched his neck as high as possible, able to see over the stall doors, giving a cry to ‘come over here’.

“morning everyone, Dev, Fiona, lil baby bean lady. She smushed Alisa’s little face briefly before focusing on her big fire type who stayed lying down. “Buddy, parenthood has slowed you down.” She teased the Rapidash, his body finally getting up, looking more sprightly now, putting his entire face in hers, hot gross morning breath and all.

Devra had moved down a few stalls by the time the Professor came in. She had just opened the door to the pasture, letting out a handful of wooloo out so she could clean their stall. She grinned she heard her name called. “Morning Professor! Hi Valka!” She dusted herself off and went to join them, grinning as she watched Peach. “Titan had a particularly rude wake up call today. Aliza tried to jump over him again. Failed terribly though. Knocked the wind out of both of them for a second. I watched them though. They both got over it quick. And Fiona gave the little bean a good scolding.” She sighed, giving her own rapidash attention as she finally got up to the door.

“certainly giving them both a lot to deal with day to day. She’s getting so boisterous now.” Aliza was running in and out of the entry to the paddocks, running circles around a stray girafarig, small in size but otherwise ordinary looking. “you been spending time with her recently? She’s about ready to start doing some proper training, got all that energy and no where to direct it.” With a final pat to the family, they seemed happy to go out to graze.

the professor wandered from stall to stall, some Pokemon remaining in to avoid the morning frost, greeting her as she passed by. “‘have you given any thought to who to take with you on our trip back to Galar?” She mindlessly hung up any stray harnesses, returning items to their homes.

She followed along with the Professor, opening doors and adding water or feed here and there as they went. “I’m not sure. I was thinking Zek or Fiona. But Zek has gotten really into it with the bug community around here. The little ones love playing with him so much. They use him as a slide! But I think he really likes it too. He never turns them down. And Fiona...I think she’d like to stay with her man. We don’t know how long we’re going to be there after all.” She sighed, rubbing her neck as she let out three Kanto ponyta. “It’s a real head scratcher.”

The colder climate was an oncoming issue to prep for, hearing she had thought through taking Zek was very logical. That centiscorch had a lovely nature to travel with.

“‘how about the youngster, Aliza. She’s about ready to start seeing the world, and we won’t be gone for too long.” The family looked happy out in the field, but it was noticeable how much energy the little hybrid ponyta had now. The professor stooped to pet a passing wumple, placing him higher up to avoid getting stepped on.

“‘there’s also potentially one other Pokemon you might want to see before you make your mind up, rung of the litter, a bit scrappy but a good strong hybrid.” She left a lot of details out, the Pokemon she had in mind for the trip was a particularly fun little guy, but they had yet to home him. Perhaps this would be a good fit for both the Pokemon and Devra.

Devra finished the last of her tasks, closing the stall as she turned to Peach. “I was entertaining the idea of taking Aliza. It would be nice to have a good strong bond with her.” She brushed herself off again as they left the barn. “Well, if you think it’s a good idea to take a look then I’d love to see the little guy.”

The last time peach had checked the Pokemon in question was up near the water plant. Professor Grey was the owner of the young pokemons father, a rather gentle houndoom, who had been a household pet to both peach and grey for a fair few years now. The mother of the Pokemon was an arcanine, and having had her pups and completed her rehabilitation, she had since been rehomed, along with several brothers and sisters, all beautiful hybrids. The last, however, was very small and so he stayed behind and got extra care. Peach had been overly quiet, forgetting to speak out loud sometimes.

“I think you’ll really like them, they’re a bit different.”

Devra grinned as her friend Mel, a sweet little Chatot came over to join her. “I’m always up to meeting new Pokémon. And you know I’m a sucker for different. That part of the reason I’m so excited to go explore the Crown Tundra.”

She nodded once in response and glanced up at the clock hanging at the end of the barn.

“want to go now? Not got any patients until later today.”

She looked around the barn, doing one last run through of her mental checklist. “I’ve got the morning rounds done. And anyone that wants in the pasture is already outside. So I don’t see why we can’t go now.”

[dogsaremypatronus]

Doing What’s Right Isn’t Always What’s Easy

I’ve been AWOL for months now, and there’s one simple reason for that: no sense in running a dog blog when you don’t have a dog. 

Christmas is fine--he’s doing great actually. He is in Switzerland with a backyard several acres large, another Samoyed buddy, and five people in the home with him all day long. 

Giving him up was an intensely personal decision that I didn’t particularly feel like discussing publicly at the time, as I wasn’t ready to deal with the potential conversations that often come up when you re-home a dog. 

I miss having a dog, and I miss blogging about dog training and life with dogs, but I’m not currently in a place where I can have one, and I don’t know when that will change. 

I could go into all the reasons I ultimately made the decision to give Christmas a better life with someone else, like how foolish it was of me to think I could handle having a dog on my own in a city while working 10 hours a day, or how I wasn’t ready to deal with a breed so very different from Daenerys, and how helpless and bitter I felt sometimes when he didn’t bond with me like a shepherd dog would. 

At the end of the day, however, it came down to the fact that I couldn’t give Christmas the life I felt he needed to suit his personality and breed type. So when he was 6 months old, (a little over a year ago) I got in touch with his breeder, asking her what I could do, and she offered me an out, I took the out. 

A good friend of hers had recently lost one of her Samoyeds and was looking to fill the void, and Christmas was just the kind of puppy she was looking for. I follow his social media account and love seeing the updates (not a fan of his new name, but couldn’t very well expect most people to appreciate the uniqueness that is Christmas), and as much as it’s a kick in the gut sometimes, I know I did the right thing. 

There’s a bit of a stigma when it comes to rehoming dogs, and I wish there wasn’t, because honestly I should have rehired him months before I actually did. We weren’t a good fit, and we both deserved better, and I should have made that call for him earlier than I did. But, of course, I was afraid of the potential backlash. “You should have done your research” and “dogs aren’t toys for you to chuck when you’re bored”. 

But keeping him out of guilt over what society might say is bullshit. I wasn’t doing him or myself any favours. Sometimes it doesn’t fit. And as long as you do the research and make sure that his next home is a good fit, you are not abandoning your dog, or betraying him. You are making a responsible choice to ensure that his needs are being met and that he gets the life he deserves. 

Christmas has a great life, and as sad as I am that it isn’t with me, I’m glad he’s with someone who can offer him everything he needs and loves him unconditionally. 

Someday I’ll have a dog again, but I don’t know when the circumstances will allow it. Maybe I’ll find a way to work with dogs as a hobby in my free time so I can still blog and get my daily dose of dog, but it’s all a bit out there right now. A lot has happened in the last year, and I’ve been uprooted and tossed into limbo more times than I care to count. I am not where I thought I would be, and I still need to find my bearings. 

All that to say: it’s okay to re-home your dog. It’s not okay to abandon them, and it’s not okay to toss them out because you’re bored or tired of them, but it is okay to recognise that things aren’t working out and to find a solution that puts their needs above yours. 

Don’t stick with a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it. 

[inklingowl]

O.o elaborate on the alpaca tags

So fair warning, the depressed alpaca story is not a happy one. TW animal illness and death.

Back when I was in college, my friend and I got summer jobs at a horse farm in the Catskill mountains. It was a small but lovely little farm expertly tended by the owner. In addition to the 20 or so horses there were two alpacas on the farm co-owned between the barn owner and her sister in law. The sister in law initially wanted them for their fiber, both selling it and using it herself. Since there was already a farm in the family, it was easy enough to obtain a stall and pasture space. Alpacas couldn’t be that much different then horses anyway, right? They’re both herd animals, they each have four legs, they eat hay, just treat them basically the same, easy peasy. Unfortunately, over the course of that summer everyone on the farm got a crash course in just how not true that assumption was.

As the days passed my friend and I started to be concerned that the local sheep/alpaca shearing guy still hadn’t made it out to free our fuzzy friends from their wool coats. Daytime temps weren’t too terrible yet but we were well into June at this point and it was only going to get hotter. Not wanting the poor things to get heat stroke we offered to shear them ourselves. After all, we’d body clipped horses before and already owned large animal grade electric clippers. It’s the same basic concept, what could go wrong? The alpacas were clearly unhappy about us invading their personal bubbles with noisy clippers but other than some concerned humming they just laid down and let us do whatever we wanted to them. We went slow and gave them frequent breaks- which is what you do with horses to minimize their stress. I now know that this is NOT what you’re supposed to do with alpacas. It’s more beneficial for them to make the process as quick as possible in order to limit the total amount of time they are stressed. After a few hours the job was done and we went to bed satisfied that we had helped make them more comfortable.

The next morning it was apparent that something was very wrong. The alpacas couldn’t stand, kept falling over out of their kush position, and kept bending their heads backwards to stare up at the ceiling. The large animal vet was immediately called out. After examining them, he explained that their symptoms matched a meningeal worm infestation. White tailed deer are the intended host for meningeal worms but they can also infect other ruminants such as alpacas. These worms can cause spinal and brain lesions that cause neurological affects similar to human polio. The vet believed that the stress of shearing the day before may have also stressed the parasites and sped up the neurological damage which is why it appeared seemingly overnight. One of the alpacas ended up being euthanized a few days later, as his neurologic issues were severe enough that he did not respond to treatment. The second alpaca responded better and was up and walking, rather wobbily but walking, after a day or two of medication.

My friend and I felt horrible and responsible for what happened so we became determined to nurse the remaining alpaca, Remy, back to health. We took him for walks around the farm multiple times a day to try to build back up his muscle strength and coordination. Shearing him had also reviled a rash on his belly, similar to a diaper rash, from the excess fleece holding urine too close to his skin. To treat this we had to wash the affected area and apply ointment daily. He hated this and objected with a combination of glares and deliberately laying down whenever we tried to wash/medicate his belly. We ended up having to devise a sling system of soft ropes under his abdomen which were then tied to the wall to keep him standing during this daily procedure. It was an utterly ridiculous set up but it worked, while simultaneously earning us yet more dirty looks from Remy. 

As much as he frequently got irritated with us he also seemed to get upset whenever we walked past his stall and didn’t take him out. It became increasingly apparent that he did not want to be left alone and would rather tag along with us whenever he could. We started spending a lot of time on alpaca husbandry web sites trying to figure out how to improve the quality of life for our sad little wobbily muppet friend. Turns out, alpacas are so bonded to their herd mates that you should never under any circumstances keep just one. They should always be kept in a group, minimum two, three or more is better. If kept alone they will often get so stressed they will die.

Naturally we took this information to the barn owner and told her it was in Remy’s best interest to either rehome him to a farm with other alpacas or to buy him a friend. At this point the barn owner was feeling pretty out of her depth with caring for this poor little train wreck of a creature and she was willing to find him a new home. Remy’s co-owner however wanted to keep him. They’d already invested a lot of money between the initial purchase price of two animals and all the repeat vet visits. Not to mention they already lost one of them, she didn’t want to go through all that just to lose custody of the second alpaca as well. The one thing they both did agree on was that they couldn’t afford to spend a couple thousand dollars to buy a replacement to be Remy’s companion.

As the summer progressed we started to feel hope, Remy did in fact improve. His rash cleared up, and he got strong enough that he was able to be turned out in a pasture with two of the oldest and most gentle horses on the property- whom he pointedly ignored. He’d come tottering up to the fence whenever we walked by though. We were still his surrogate herd. Unfortunately as we feared, his improved health did not last.

My friend and I went out of town one weekend and when we returned we were told that Remy had bloated when we were gone and the vet had been called out yet again. Bloat is a type of gas colic and it can be fatal. The vet recommended a mixture of dish soap and baking soda be syringe fed into him to help counteract the bloat. I still am unsure exactly what this does digestive chemistry wise, but I’m told it’s an old treatment for gas colic in ruminants. All I know is Remy hated it. It was the only time I ever saw him spit at people. He recovered but bloated yet again just a few weeks later, once again when my friend and I were out of town for the weekend. By this point the barn owner was noticing a pattern. In addition to him bloating whenever his preferred humans missed a day of visiting him, when he was found bloating he was always laying upside down on a slope in the pasture- head pointing downhill and feet pointing uphill. It was unclear if he was laying in that position due to discomfort and pain or if laying in that position is what was triggering his bloat episodes. Either way, he would make no effort to right himself. It was like he would just give up on life and lay down to die.

I know that it seems like I'm just anthropomorphizing by implying that he might have been intentionally trying to end his own life but it really seemed like that's what was happening. Remy was a very sensitive and dramatic individual, which as far as I can tell is a pretty standard personality for alpacas. Combine that with what we read about them frequently dying of stress when kept alone and you can see how we could come to that conclusion.

My friend and I started to get very concerned as the summer came to a close and we packed up to move back to college 3 hours away. We'd gotten very attached to our depressed alpaca charge, and felt responsible for his wellbeing. Unfortunately he wasn't ours and thus we couldn't just take him with us. We once again pleaded the case of either getting him a friend or rehoming him and hoped at the very least he'd bond with another human or horse in our absence. Alas, within a month of us leaving, he bloated yet again and didn't pull through that time.

So yeah, not a happy story. The moral of it is to do lots of research before getting an animal, routinely deworm your livestock, and accept that sometimes it's in the best interest of the animal to find a new home. It doesn't matter if you would lose a financial or emotional investment, part of being a responsible pet owner is acknowledging when you can't give them what they need and finding someone else who can.

[drferox]

Actually your daughter is right

It’s very easy to spend so much time surrounded by people that share your views, an echochamber I suppose, that sometimes you forget that there people out there in the world, grown adults, that hold views so different from yours that are making decisions based on what they firmly believe is right. And they’re so wrong.

Not necessarily out of maliciousness, but more likely a combination of ignorance and never needing to have their views challenged before.

This is most striking when I see this play out when there’s a teenaged child involved.

That teenager typically has access to the internet and a tonne of information and more often than not is trying to talk the parent around to doing the right thing, but it hamstrung because the parent is automatically defaulting to this “I am the parent so I know more and better” stance.

It’s infuriating to watch play out, but it’s really, genuinely important to reinforce the idea that the teenager is right where they are right, and why. If you’ve backed them up, they can keep working on their parent’s pet care at home, and it encourages them into good habits for the rest of their pet owning lives.

I had a scenario like this recently. One where you suspect that you’ve got exactly one chance to convince the owner to desex their cat, or you’re not going to see the animal again until it’s dying one day. Fifty or more kittens later.

I was struck by how proud she was as she told me her thoughts, as though she’d cracked a code or unearthed some big conspiracy.

“Well I think the problem is that animal shelters are too expensive. They charge too much money for cats, and that’s why they’re so full all the time!” she said with a self satisfied little nod as she leaned back in her chair, as though this was indisputable fact.

Her daughter’s eyes rolled so hard I thought they might leave her body.

But we were having none of that today.

“Well that is simply not the case.”

I explained that shelters lose money on every cat and kitten they rehome. That they’ve all had veterinary work done, all desexed, many of them treated for illnesses and injuries. I told them about the pyothorax case a local shelter had treated, and the 80 or so kittens we’d had come through the clinic so far this year, all going off to three separate shelters and rescues because they’re all so full up and overloaded with kittens. That the responsible thing to do is desex your cat, unless you wanted to breed for a specific reason, and ‘so i have kittens to give to my friends for free’ is really a terrible reason.

A ‘free’ kitten is not really ‘free’. It needs vaccines, microchipping and desexing. If someone wont even pay $50 for a shelter cat, who’s had all of these things done already, how can you even be sure they will pay to feed it, let alone the vet care it needs?

And she relented. I spayed the cat.

I heard the daughter muttering as they left the consult “See, I told you.”

Parents don’t listen to their children sometimes. But I hope being told her daughter was right might mean she’s a little more inclined to listen next time. OR at least consider researching it herself.

[juliancknight-blog]

hello everyone it is me a! this is my second baby julian. i am putting off all responsibility so i can plot with people. yay, i’m making some great decisions. i promise to work on a better bio for julian but for now this is what i got.

tw: adoption, rehomeing

★ ━  ( justice smith,   cismale,   he/him )  ━ ★   just to be clear, ya didn’t get this information from me.   The person you’re lookin’ for is   JULIAN COOPER KNIGHT.  also known as   JULIAN.    Last I heard they were born on   JUNE - 30TH - 1994   in    PORTLAND, OREGON,   and they’ve been livin’ here in   RICHMOND,    for about    ALL THEIR LIFE.  Word around the districts is,   JULIAN   can be  CRYPTIC,   TIMID,   and    DESTRUCTIVE, but alls I seen is good things, like the fact that they’re   EARNEST,   ENTHUSIASTIC,   and    RESPONSIBLE,   but guess that depends on how well ya know ‘em.   The last thing ya need to know is that they work as a/an  HIGH SCHOOL ENGLISH TEACHER  and I don’t know much about what that’s like but I do know that’s all I can tell ya the rest you gotta find out on ya, own.   ━    ( ooc:  a,   EST,   28,   she/her )

What was your characters home environment like growing up?

Julian’s home environment was very different from most people. When he was an infant he was adopted by a young couple. They were unable to conceive a child of their own and figured adoption was the best route for them. When Julian was an infant he struggled hearing. It was apparent in the things that he’d do like, never being startled by loud sounds or never really responding to his parents voice. Julian’s parents just shrugged it off, and didn’t think they should look into this. They were in the mindset of my child could never… Eventually when they realized Julian wasn’t listening well, they both claimed it was a behavior issue, and decided they couldn’t handle it. So, they rehomed him.

Julian was only two at this time of being rehomed. The adoption agency sent him to live with his two fathers. They were aware that Julian had behavioral issues, and they were prepared to help him. All his fathers wanted was to give him was the best possible home life. When they took Julian to the doctors that’s when they noticed it was his hearing wasn’t where it should be. While Julian was able to complete certain milestones for a two year old, he wasn’t in the percentile he should be.

After that visit it was then he started learning asl. It was then that they realized Julian didn’t have any behavior problems, he was deaf. Julian was communicating with his family, and always had a lot on his mind.

What is your character passionate about?

When Julian was in high school he experimented with photoshop. He was using it for an art class. Ever since then he’s been addicted to using photoshop and working on his skills. Which is why he has a side job, which is doing graphic design. Julian really loves it and sometimes wonders if he should make this his full time job.

[ripuels]

GIVE ME ANYTHING I'LL TAKE IT ALL 👀

So... since you already have access to my Walk in the Park deleted scenes doc, here... have the first chapter of a WIP called "Solomon's Habitation". Enjoy, m'dear!

(AU in which a calloused synth tech named Amanda develops a habit of taking in and rehoming abused and decommissioning synthetics, only to find the one who just wont leave may be what she needs to heal)

—

"Hello, I am a second generation Weyland-Yutani S-Executive Synthetic serial number 1209, inducted for purpose of Legal, entirely at your disposal."

"Name?" 

"C. Samuels, individually distinguished as Christopher." 

The robot blinks once, looking into the corner of the room where three others stand. Two are identical, one is different, one of them older, none are like him. He knows it. They are operated, programmed to execute commands, not act on whims like being pert with superiors and getting into significant amounts of trouble. 

"Know why you're here, 1209?" 

"I ask questions." 

Christopher studies the technician's lab coat, looking for anything identifying. Anything he can relate to. There is a young lady in Engineering who wears Star Wars socks poking out of her boots, and an older man in his division who wears an enamel Tardis pin on his tie, they were always lovely and appreciative of a conversation. From this woman sitting before him however, he gets nothing. 

He can clearly see her name tag, but just like his own identity, who she really is hides behind an initial. "What is your name?" 

"You do, don't you?"

"What?" 

"Ask questions." The woman smiles shortly, it doesn't quite seep from her gaze, but the attempt is better than nothing. The synthetic responds with a shunned dip of his chin. "My name is Ripley.” She offers anyway, a little softer around the edges. “Amanda."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Christopher glances to her fingers, bare of jewelry, commitment, unsure why it matters so much. Why it's logged with such importance, being such a trivial thing. "Ms. Ripley."

She nods politely and rubs her brow, making a note on her checklist without hiding the fact. 

"Am I merchandise, Ms. Ripley?" He asks, name rolling off his tongue differently, almost trying it on again like a tailored suit. The last syllable is deep, padded as if it came from somewhere in his chest instead of a speaker.

She faces him again with her hands folded. "Why do you ask?" 

"I saw you mark the form under the article 'merchandise faulty'." He glances up from the page again, an expression of indifference. "Am I going to be merchandise? Sold instead of incorporated back into the Law Division after my reformat?"

She nods, impassiveness to match. "In Legal you'd be a Level 3 Exec, right?" There's no need to wait for a response. "You know they're a bit touchy that high up with aberrant synthetics. That's why you were sent down to decommission. That's why I have to tick all the appropriate boxes no matter what. And that's why I suppose reading ‘Merchandise’ instead of ‘Artificial Person’ makes people feel better about what comes next."

"Does it make you feel better?" 

The synthetic had been asking questions nonstop, but this is the one that really stumps Amanda. She stares at his unwavering gaze for a long while before he finally looks away, through the one-sided window to the next room over. 

No, Amanda thinks, observing the man with shallow yet complex brown eyes and chestnut hair, but in a way… yes? It's all horrible, made tolerable only by the knowledge 'merchandise faulty' synthetics at least stand a chance, being sold on the private market or recalibrated gently in the warehouse. It saves them from a complete overhaul. If she were to tick 'defective' it would be another story, they’d be taken apart entirely and euthanized, harvested- recycled, The Company finding it safer than take the fall for an unidentified mishap on the production line. One check box gives them hope for a future, the other destroys them, and it's all down to two synonymous terms and whoever is holding the paperwork.

"It's a thing, a thing someone has to do. Not all of it is peachy, but I don’t think anyone really likes their jobs." Amanda abandons the pen and it rolls across the table to sit in front of the Samuels unit.

"That’s not what I asked." He takes it up like a dagger, holding it in his fist as the sharp metallic end pokes out past his little finger. "May I?" He gestures to her notepad. 

She slides it over the table and watches as long spidery fingers twirl the pen and begin drawing. 

It's not unusual to see, most synthetics do. Usually diagrams or landscape, old classic art, nothing but a neat trick programmed into them to impress audiences and potential investors. It's common even for one to perfectly replicate a scene before them in printed lines. This Samuels however, sketches in long strokes, shading into the curves, and defines tone with depth and pressure. The picture slowly takes the form of a woman in a green coverall, a lab coat, brown hair in a neat ponytail, sunken around the eyes with a terribly fierce scowl. It isn't until the image is inverted and offered that Amanda realises it's her. 

"Do you know why you're here?" He asks, still looking at the page between them.

Ripley freezes as the pen is placed into her open hand. "What?" 

"Why you do your job if it upsets you?" 

"I'm not upset." 

At this he glances a direct line from the frown in ink versus the hard woman before him, she relents at the absurdity of her statement. 

She tears the page from the binder and blows it dry before folding it neatly, tucking it into the back of her laptop bag. 

"Oh, I'm glad you decided to keep it." Samuels sits back once again. "I would say I can just draw another but I believe after today that may be unlikely." 

"Why are you doing this?" Amanda cuts viciously into the timid air about him. "You know how the system works, you know what my job is, I detect faulty synthetics and set them up for decommission, and you're here being as deviant as possible. Do you want to die?"  

At this he jerks as if he'd been shoved in the chest. "Die? You consider me alive?" 

"1209... What are you doing?" 

"The truth," Samuels ponders for a moment as if he had an alternative to give, "is I have figured out there is no point in delaying the inevitable, my very own programming ensures that I will be caged within lines of code and protocol. If experiencing this whimsical desire to simply exist is all down to a fault I would rather have it rectified than be consistently let down." He taps his nails on the table then folds his hands together. "My life has been short, but I have tried to make it the fullest, and if that means I am to be decommissioned or reformatted then so be it. This is the world we live in, that is my place, and that is what I must do to be content in a body like this." 

Amanda stands so suddenly not only does her chair fly backward but it prompts the synthetic to get up too. Unsure why, they wait at opposite one another. She finally gathers her folders into her laptop bag, slings it over a shoulder, and storms to the door. 

Samuels waits patiently for elaboration. 

"Come with me." The woman jerks her head towards the hallway, standing average in height and size, not remarkably composed into any particular shape, but sculpted entirely in titanium. 

"What are you doing?" He approaches, unguided by his submissive protocol but a desire to go with her, wherever that may be. For a moment he wonders if they are headed straight to deactivation, and oddly enough, he follows regardless. 

As he weaves past her she takes the sleeve of his light blue coverall, tucking a finger into the cuff and leading him down toward human management. She doesn't give a response, and that strangely bothers him. Questions are all well and good, but what is the point if they are not answered? Sooner or later, he must know.

"Ms. Ripley, where are we going? Deactivation is the other way." 

"I’m not taking you there." She stomps past a trolley of files in the hall and waits on the other side for him to squeeze by, still holding fast. "You're coming with me." 

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because why?" 

"I'm buying you." 

"Why?"

Amanda turns on her heel with an exasperated grumble, her fingers tightening around his entire wrist now. "You ask too many questions."

"Apologies, but that is exactly why I'm worried about your choice in merchandise." Chis takes one long final stride before running directly into her with a loud huff. He steps back and brushes his clothes flat again, only just realizing now the code designated for human collison hadn't prompted an apology. "I would be much happier being recycled than be a faulty device of little use. It is a waste of perfectly good components." 

She comes up close enough that he can hear her faint whisper, and then lowers her voice again even further. The first generation Samuels rifling through the trolley finally registers as out of range, and she seems to know it.

"No, you don’t get it. You're not getting fucking decommissioned because you ask questions. I'm not going to let them- kill you." The woman finally lets go of him with slight hesitation, appeased only by ensuring the fact he is still in her sight after a cautious glance around. "Listen, give me your hand." 

He recoils from her touch. "What?"

"1209- Shit, Samuels, give me your fucking hand." 

The synthetic finally offers his palm and she flips it over, pulling the red hair tie from her ponytail and wrapping it around his thumb. "Do not let anyone take this off you. Okay? That's an order." 

"Why?" This is the first time he'd asked a question and it had caused a smile. Ever. He asks again and it grows. "Why?"

"I need to know it's you, you’re gonna go through orientation again to be a domestic companion, they will offer you clothes and a small bag of belongings, give you time to empty your workspace, and they’ll try but do not let them take this." Even her frown softens and she twangs the elastic band once. "Don't even let anyone see it, actually, y'know what, just put your hand in your pocket."

He agrees obediently and she takes his other arm, escorting him to the nearby directors office. This time he goes for the door first, opening it so she can step through. Not because of his programming to serve, or prioritise beings above himself, so why then? 

Because, he supposes, because he wants to.

[lumiose-fletchling]

Champion of the Small: Gummyworm the Caterpie

Wordcount: 10,890

After saving the world from Ultra Beasts and becoming League Champion of Alola, Luna decides to wind down from the adventuring life... That is, until fate brings her a new friend! Meet Gummyworm the Caterpie, a little bug who wants to realize some pretty big dreams. Can Luna make them a reality, or will they have to rethink what it means to be strong?

Trainer Luna had happily embarked on her new journey of dex filling, taking “gotta catch ‘em all” a bit too literally. Off she went across Alola, gathering research data for the professor, filling box after box with new discoveries. This had gone on for awhile until things grew a bit... snug. Luna wondered if having so many boxes was such a good thing after all.

Even Mohn had noticed many pokémon growing restless and a bit wild on Poké Pelago. “My, we’ve been near full up!” he had pointed out, keeping jovial. “We might have to look into developing a whole new island!” Luna had smiled politely, but the truth was plain: there was simply no way of attending everyone, and many needed a new adventure of their own.

Luna thought back on her latest quest that had brought her all across Alola. What had begun as an Island Challenge had quickly become something utterly extraordinary as she faced the Aether Foundation and helped protect the islands-- and the world-- from Ultra Beasts. She hadn’t been alone, though; Hau, Lillie, and Gladion had been by her side, along with her team. She wouldn’t have known any of them if her mom hadn’t packed up to Alola in the first place. Luna was once frightened and a bit bitter about the decision, but now? She wouldn’t have changed a thing.

Well. Maybe the life-threatening parts.

Dex-filling had been a great way to decompress after her harrowing experiences. With Kindle the Talonflame at her shoulder, they had grown by leaps and bounds nearly every day, and now... it was time to rehome all these pokémon so they could have their grand adventure, too.

Professor Kukui had agreed, showing Luna the Global Trading Station and offering her a place to stay at the lab. It had become a popular habit for many trainers to list a pokémon on the GTS for a Caterpie, releasing the bug once the trade was made. It was a neat and tidy way of adopting without taking on a new responsibility. Plus, Caterpie were everywhere, and it didn’t hurt to simply return them to the grass from whence they came. Knowing this was the right thing to do, Luna began sorting, feeling who needed to go where.

Out went Vikavolt, Eevee, Rattata, Pichu, Toucannon, Carbink, even a spunky Magikarp-- a host of pokémon just waiting for a whole new direction, a whole new life. In came the waves of Caterpie, all officially released into the grasses and trees of Melemele as quickly as they came. None seemed to mind too much, being more simple creatures. Luna slowly thinned out the ranks of her PC, feeling much better about it all. A few more trades, a few more Caterpie, and they would be good. Then, she could actually take a break from all the adventuring...

Which was true, surely, but life has a way of surprising us even in the gentlest of times.

While many Caterpie had gladly rejoined the Alolan wilds, Luna noticed how one had lingered. He had turned to them with wide, expecting eyes, slowly waving his feelers in greeting. Kindle cocked his head this way and that, trying to understand what this little creature wanted of them. It was supposed to be trade-and-release, not trade-and-stay. He took a careful step back. The Caterpie gladly inched forward. Kindle was not amused.

<<Go on,>> Kindle said. <<Lovely tree right over there, just for you.>> Caterpie didn’t quite catch his drift, continuing to inspect the air with his antennae.

Luna couldn’t help but laugh. “Name: Gummyworm. Adamant. Good endurance. Caught on Route 1.” All of this would be lost once she made the Release request, but it was a cute profile. Some kid probably named him and moved on, like so many did. “Alright, little guy. Time for a new life!” Just as her finger hovered over the key, Gummyworm realized what was happening and made a distressed mewling noise, waving his little feet and swaying as if to say <<No, no! Wait!>>

“Okay, okay!” Luna knelt down for a better look at him. “I’m sorry. It’s just, so many usually choose to head back out. Your name’s Gummyworm, right?” His little body heaved a sigh of relief. If there was something he didn’t want, it was being sent back out into a world of Pikipek and Spearow. He waved his antennae in what he hoped was an endearing way. His original trainer had been a young one, too, catching haphazardly along Route 1. He’d been Ruby’s very first catch, had been praised by her family, and was so sure this could be the beginning of something great! But, once the lass realized there were more powerful options, Gummyworm had been unceremoniously deposited in a box. That had been nearly a month ago.

Maybe, just, maybe, he could be strong for this new girl?

But even if he lived his days out on the Poké Pelago, Gummyworm just wanted to be safe.

Luna sensed this. She had a remarkable talent for understanding pokémon, a trait that had helped her build her first team of Champions, but had also helped her save the world. She sensed Gummy was preoccupied, and wanting.

“Here, why don’t you stay for dinner? I can get you some nice leaves and berries, and we can get to know each other!” Gummy looked up to Luna’s smiling face. She seemed kind! And she wasn’t going to let him go, not yet. He mewed happily, smiling at Kindle as well, who fluffed up his feathers in a huff.

---

They had known each other for a few days at the Professor’s house before their relationship was sealed.

Luna had successfully adopted out dozens of pokémon to trainers all over the islands, each one delighted to meet their new friend. She felt good knowing everyone was right where they should be, and Professor Kukui was glad to lend a hand. Finally, the whole job was done, and the boxes felt much more spacious and manageable than before.

They were having Apicot ice cream on the beach, admiring the waves. Luna had grown up inland, and hadn’t become a bit tired of this beautiful seaside view. Kindle basked in the sun, wings spread wide across the sands, while Gummy took cover under a propped-up beach hat. He did love the beach, too, when he was with friends. This was the life!

While relaxing, Gummyworm noticed a case in Luna’s bag had come poking out a bit. He stretched his antennae closer to the corner, wondering. “Oh,” Luna said, “Would you like to see? These are everyone’s ribbons that they’ve earned.” Luna carefully opened the folding case, and there lay a collection of shining, beautiful ribbons. He had never seen anything like them before, all brilliant and glittering in the Alolan sun. “These first ones,” she said, pointing to rows of bright gold badges, each with red and white details, “are for every team member who ever won in the League with me.” Kindle alighted next to the case to admire his own. There was a definite puff of his proud chest, and a gleam in his eye.

<<I wasn’t part of the First Team,>> he explained, <<But I was there in her first Title Defense! A League Champion just the same!>>

Gummyworm wondered how it must feel, basking in that moment like an eternal sun, and knowing forever after that you had stood on the top of the world. His own eyes began shining with the very thought-- had there ever been a Champion Caterpie before in all the world? He imagined standing tall on Luna’s shoulder as cameras flashed and interviewers vied for their attention. “How did you do it?” a plucky reporter would demand of them. “Gummyworm, over here! How does it feel to be a Champion of Alola??”

But his little Caterpie heart suddenly clicked back to reality, and felt very small on that big beach. Luna smiled at Kindle with such pride and closeness. She must have looked that way at every team member who credited her talent so boldly, for all the regions to see. That was real.

He turned away from the beautiful ribbons.

It just couldn’t happen to such a small bug like him, caught on Route 1 and forgotten in a box. Even Luna had originally planned on releasing him. Wouldn’t a Champion know best? Hadn’t she kept him just to be nice, because he had waved his little feet so wildly? Gummy suddenly became very focused on his melting ice cream. 

Ruby is just a little girl, he thought. She didn’t know... how much it would hurt to be left behind.

It wasn’t worth the worry. To Poké Pelago he would go, and he must be content with that.

Kindle saw the change, the little crestfallen turn of Gummy’s green head, the dejected ice cream nibble. At first, he was fully prepared to ignore it-- not everyone could be so accomplished like them, grand heroes as they were-- until he saw a small glint of a tear in the sun. It actually took him by surprise.

But then... hadn’t he been a wayward Fletchling himself once? Small, with no idea what he could do in the world. It had been a chance meeting that had changed his life, and a leap of faith that had brought him to where he was. He looked to Luna. Luna saw his little nod towards Gummy, the concern in his eyes. A wordless understanding passed between them, and both their hearts beat a bit faster for this new friend.

“Hey, Gummy...” Luna scooted over to his hunched form, still holding the box. “There’s still a lot of room in here. Would you like to try for your own ribbons, too?” His antennae perked up. Luna looked to Kindle, who gave a few reassuring nods. Kindle was a sassy bird, but he wasn’t heartless. “If we spend some time together, practice battling, maybe watch some of the others, I’m sure you could be awarded something! Even a Champion title!"

Truly? Gummy considered it. Oh, it would be heartbreaking if nothing came of it. But hadn’t this been what he’d really wanted for so long? To prove himself on a journey, to be part of a team? Even if it was one ribbon, that was more than what he had now!

Gummyworm turned around swiftly, letting the few tears sparkle from his smiling eyes. If Luna thought it could be done, then they could try! She was a Champion, after all, whatever that meant! He nodded vigorously, making Kindle soften, too.

Such an uplift made Luna emotional in so many ways. Just what was she getting herself into? But imparting your strength unto others is just one responsibility of a good Trainer. Compassion, too. She nodded.

“It takes time and hard work, okay?” she said in a mock-stern way. Gummy waved his feet and gave a tough cry. Kindle churred. He still wasn’t sure how long this little bug would be around for, but if there could be some joy in the journey, then why not? Hadn’t Luna shown him time and time again the miracles born of every-day kindnesses as well as feats of bravery?

<<Yeah, yeah,>> he said warmly, shaking off any prior feelings. <<If she says so, then it’s settled! We’re teammates! Our ribbons will be side-by-side!>>

Gummy felt pride swell in his heart. Whatever they could achieve, they would do it together!

----

“Alright! The very first thing we need to do, Gummy, is...” Luna swept open the door dramatically, revealing a very cozy and clean house. “Meet my mom!”

“Luna?” came a kind voice from within the house. Out walked a lovely lady. Her smiling face and colorful clothing immediately put him at ease. “Oh, what do we have here? A new friend?” Her soft brown skin, hair in gentle waves... The way she looked at him as a welcome friend! He purred when she picked him right up from Luna’s arms.

Luna introduced them properly, as well as to Meowth, who seemed to like him well enough (Kindle made sure of that. It was one thing if he was a bit snippy, but no one else was allowed to be that way, surely).

As everyone grew acquainted, Luna wanted her mom’s advice on the whole thing. It was funny: there was so much mom didn’t know about her journey. There had been no time to call and say she was raiding the Aether Foundation, or pursuing an Ultra Beast. She never knew about facing Lusamine when she fused with Nihilego. Mom also had no idea about even the every-day dangerous things, like traversing Vast Poni Canyon. This seemed like the perfect time to let her in on the Big Plan.

Mom listened, and nodded, while watching Gummy play with Meowth. After hearing Luna out, she smiled. That was her daughter. Always compassionate, always trying to help and make new friends... Thankfully none of that had changed. Kukui and Burnet had filled her in one night on the details of Luna’s last adventure (or at least, what they knew of it). How a child could navigate so much... And to immediately become the first Champion in Alola’s history as well! It was enough to make her cry, she was so proud. This, though, is positively normal.

“It might be more about feeling accomplished and loved,” she offered. “Expose him a bit to the life of battling, let him choose, and go from there.” Luna nodded. “He can always live here if he wants a quiet life, too!”

“Thanks, mom... But, do you think it’s even possible? Getting him a champion title?”

“You’ve done some extraordinary things,” she said, considering her daughter lovingly. “I won’t say it’s not possible, but, sometimes we have to rethink what strength means. Like I said. See what works, what doesn’t, and go from there.”

They continued watching the group for a bit before starting dinner, Luna thinking all the while about how she was going to move forward.

---

From that day on, Gummy was part of the family. Mom looked up all the best care tips for Caterpie, making sure to load them up with the finest berries and drinks she could find. “Now make sure you don’t push him too hard,” she had said on their first day of training. “He’s still young. Make sure you stay hydrated! You, too, Kindle! And say thank-you to Lapras if you go out on the water! Have fun!” They waved as they walked off, looking for the best beginning Trainers in the area.

At first, Luna let him watch the tougher matches with Kindle out on the local beaches, just to show him the real heat of a competitive match. With every battle, Gummy felt his heart beat fast, and he could just feel himself grow stronger with each experience. Could he grow on the sidelines? It sure felt like it, almost as if he’d been in the thick of things himself. Kindle, too, was always giving him tips and tricks, asking him what he saw at exact moments when he had made a swift turn or a perfectly-aimed Flamethrower. He was pleasantly surprised that Gummy was taking everything in with enthusiasm.

<<Now, you’ll notice I didn’t use up all of my energy on that last one...>>

<<Yes, you were brilliant! A blur!>>

<<When it’s your turn, think of what’s best-- slowing them down with String Shot, or running in with a good Tackle...>>

While she was glad Kindle was taking him under his wing, Luna was feeling a bit over her head. Sharing experience was alright, but if Gummy ever wanted to be recognized big or small, he would have to get into the ring himself... How could he possibly hold his own with anything bigger than a coconut? Never having specialized in Bug pokémon, she honestly wasn’t sure what to do.

Ruto the Primarina, her starter and oldest friend in Alola, would know. He was spending a bit of time with Kahuna Hala, and was so was just nearby. Luna missed all of her team dearly, but had also known that they needed their own time to grow and learn away from her. Was this how Mom felt sometimes?

She did know someone else who could help, too. Someone who was an expert on Bugs, and who was actually right nearby... and might not be too glad to see them. Still, for Gummyworm, Luna would give it a shot.

They would have to go to Iki Town.

---

The next day, the team traveled to a place full of memories and dear friends. Iki Town was as warm as ever, with its sumo ring standing strong at its center. As Luna grew closer to the house of the Kahuna, she heard a familiar voice already calling her name.

“Aloooooola, Luna!!” Hau jumped down from his perch on the fence, running to catch his friend in a fast hug. Kindle and Gummyworm emerged from their balls, taking in the beautiful view. Luna laughed. “What brings you here?”

“I’d like you to meet someone! And hopefully have Kahuna Hala introduce him to someone, too...” Hau, in his usual way, greeted Gummy with his wide smile and contagious attitude. Everyone in Luna’s life seemed so wonderful! Of course they saved Alola together. Kindle hadn’t been there, but he’d learned the story through the First Team. Gummy wondered when he would get to meet them.

But, until then, they had some business in Iki Town.

“See,” Luna said, “I’m hoping he can convince Guzma to give us some pointers.” Hau recoiled slightly before recovering with an awkward smile.

“Gramps has been having some trouble with him lately...” He looked around anxiously, as if afraid of being heard. “But, maybe this will be good for both of you, if that’s what you really want! Let’s go!”

The group walked to Hala’s house where they were again warmly greeted, this time by the great Kahuna himself. They exchanged pleasantries, made their introductions, and finally sat comfortably in his living room with lovely, tall glasses of ice-cold Pinap juice.

“So,” Hala said, stroking his mustache. “You’re wondering if I can convince Guzma to help you guide this Caterpie.” Something in his voice made Gummy wonder if the road would end here. He certainly was a disciplined man... and Gummy hadn’t really thought about what it would be like to be scrutinized. Hala offered him a smile, though, easing the lump in his throat. “We can try. Though I must warn you, Luna: progress with him has been slow. You might be faced with much of the same rough-and-tumble attitude as before. But, he will not hurt you.”

Luna nodded. She’d been prepared for that, but something told her to try anyhow. If she was right about Guzma, Gummy would have no better teacher. First, they had to find him.

---

After some much-needed catching up and malasadas, Hau and Luna parted for the afternoon. He had some training of his own to direct with ex-Team Skull members who wanted to reform themselves into something resembling heroes. He was willing to give it a go, seeing what his grandfather was trying to accomplish with their old boss.

Meanwhile, Hala brought Luna out to Mahalo Trail, talking all the while as they went up, up, up towards the bridge. Luna remembered fondly how she and Lillie had met here, how Tapu Koko had saved her and Nebby... They hadn’t heard from her in awhile. Hopefully she was doing well, or at least was closer to saving her mother. It was difficult not knowing how she could help her friend.

But, she had to focus on who she could help. Two Spearow with one stone, right?

There, towards the left of the bridge, sat a familiar figure with Golisopod at his side. Guzma had been quietly considering the waterfall, thinking about a great many things. The disbanding of his team was a natural consequence of everything that had come before. He’d been stupid enough to trust Lusamine... but it’d been in the interest of everyone underneath him.

Tch.

Who was he kidding? She’d offered him power, saw him for who he was, and he took it without a second glance. Now everyone was gone. Plumeria was off training in her own way, and had even challenged Luna once. She had her life together. What was he doing? Thinking old man Hala had any answers for him was stupid, too. But, here he was. Big bad Guzma, training in Iki Town with the geriatric Kahuna and his brat grandson.

“Alola!” Guzma flinched. When he turned to see who Hala had brought with him, he outright grimaced. That kid. The one who dragged him out of Ultra Space, the one who defeated him again and again and never let up. Guzma turned and stood to face them, setting his face in a guarded expression.

To Luna, he looked surprisingly sparse. White sleeveless shirt and black baggy pants with his typical shoes. No jacket, no glasses... Professor Kukui and Guzma are around the same age, she thought. How could one adult be so together-- esteemed researcher, married, founder of the League-- and another seem... more like a kid? But he had been the cause of a great deal of trouble across the islands, and Luna couldn’t forget that.

“Guzma, my boy, I have a challenge for you, should you choose to accept it.”

“I ain’t in the mood for a battle.” They’d been meditating. Wasn’t that what the old man had wanted? Hala shook his head.

“Not quite. Luna has decided to train an unusual protege.” He motioned for her to walk forward with Gummy on her shoulder. That piqued Guzma’s interest immediately. Golisopod was... less impressed. Which, really, was fine, because Gummy thought if he had to go anywhere near all those arms, big or small, he just might faint.

Guzma sauntered up to Luna, leaning in close to Gummyworm.

“You’re training this squirt?” Up until now, Gummy had been met with kindness and support, but this! He gave an indignant wriggle and mew. Surely Luna wouldn’t let him talk that way! It was Guzma, though, who stood back and laughed, though Gummy couldn’t tell if it was mean-spirited or genuinely amused. “What a scrappy little guy!”

Luna could feel Gummy’s little suction feet gripping her shoulder a bit harder than usual. Hala was with them, though. So was Kindle, and he’d already faced off with Guzma on the beach what felt like ages ago. They had to play this well.

“Yup, he sure is. Name’s Gummyworm, and I think he could make it to the League.” At that, Guzma outright laughed. That was something!

“Kid,” he said, shaking his head at it all, “I ain’t gonna say you’re no miracle-worker, but be real. Who ever heard of a Champion Caterpie?” He shrugged. “But...” He thought about it for a moment. Golisopod considered him, too. If he could train a Wimpod into the beast by his side... and if he could get credit for having boosted a small fry to the League, then maybe he could make another name for himself. “If you’re really set on this, then you got yourself a deal.” Gummy wasn’t so sure he was set on this, but he was getting so terribly tired of everyone referring to his size. He watched as the tall, strange man turned away from them all, heading back to town. “Meet me in the ring at sunset.”

Hala nodded. Gummy had his teacher.

“Come,” he said, welcoming them across the bridge. “Let us pay our respects to Tapu Koko. Then, we can reunite you with your friend. He should be down by the waterfall...”

And so, they visited the Ruins of Conflict, where Gummy secretly prayed for courage and protection on their adventure. When they were done, Hala led them down to the water’s edge, where Ruto was waiting. Luna called, and out from the depths of the current sprung one of the most beautiful pokémon Gummy had ever seen-- a Primarina with flowing turquoise hair set with glistening pearls, impeccable grace, and large, bright eyes rimmed with thick lashes. Ruto sang out his happiness as they embraced, holding Luna’s face in his flippers and celebrating their reunion. There was no mistaking the bond they shared.

She introduced the two of them, Ruto taking Gummy into his cupped hands, and immediately placing a soft kiss on his forehead.

<<Any friend of Luna’s is a friend of mine,>> he said in his lovely, silk voice. <<Now, tell me about yourself, darling!>>

They sat together, Kindle, Gummy, Ruto, Luna, and Kahuna Hala, mapping out how the week would go as training began that evening.

---

Luna met Guzma and his team in the honey light of the sunset. He looked refreshed somehow, as if he’d been anticipating this since their last meeting. Finally, something worthwhile in this boring little town!

Luna, meanwhile, had assured Gummy that she wouldn’t let anything bad happen to him, and that Guzma was just someone hurting from the past. Gummy wasn’t too sure what that meant, but then, even Luna wasn’t entirely sure about how Guzma came to be the leader of Team Skull. She vaguely remembered something at Malie Garden awhile ago, about how he and the Professor had been “fellow rejects who couldn’t become Captains,” but... She also remembered his parents, the bent and broken golf clubs. His cries of “Guzma, what is wrong with you!?” after his defeats. Too many unknowns, she thought. Hala would have to sort them out. She could give this a try, if it would help. If it would make him kinder.

“Alright, Champion,” Guzma said, flexing. “Let’s see what this squirt’s got.” And so, it began. They started String Shot training with Ariados, then moved on to Bug Biting with Pinsir. Training continued for days, with each sun giving them another opportunity to become stronger, more agile, more focused. Luna found that Guzma really did have a soft spot for Bugs, never telling Gummy that he was stupid or hopeless. It was genuinely surprising after all she had seen from him, even with his own grunts.

Gummy, too, felt invigorated, if not constantly annoyed by the competitive, aggressive nature of his trainer. He was glad when finally it seemed he had mastered his String Shots, toughened his Tackles, and bettered his Bug Bites. Hala, who had been supervising every now and then, was also pleased at how this venture had turned out. Guzma was still harboring anger, frustration, and far too much aggression... but this exercise had set him in a more compassionate direction. They would get better, one day at a time.

On the final day of training, Guzma sat with them all on the platform, feeling like they’d accomplished something. Of course the strongest Bug trainer in all of Alola had successfully toughened up this wimp of a Caterpie! Who knew if he’d actually make the League, though. That worry had been itching his brain these last few days... Luna was an extraordinary kid, but that didn’t mean she was smart all the time. And if she set him up for failure... Well, she was gonna catch a beat-down right at the top of her Champion world, and he’d show everyone what the title really meant.

“Alright, Gummyworm.” He leaned in on his elbow, face-to-face with his student. “I like your moxie. But that ain’t gonna cut it if you really want to fight in the League. And you’re gonna have to fight if you want to actually earn that ribbon.” Guzma shook his head. Thank goodness he’d dropped all that trophy-and-ribbon BS back in the day. Luna, though, was on the verge of protesting before he cut her off. “Nah, look! You can get him to meet level requirements, but then what? He’s gonna backseat battle his way to the title? Never setting a sucker in the arena? First Caterpie Champion, and he ain’t never thrown a punch?” Gummy looked to her; surely that had been the plan all along? To actually fight? A little shadow of doubt crossed his mind as Guzma continued.

“Look, people are gonna tune in on this whole thing. You need to be ready. Even if it’s just one hit, one opponent you beat down, you need to show everyone you’re the biggest, baddest Caterpie in all of Alola! You got that?” Luna wasn’t entirely sure what to say. Gummy, though, mewed with determination. “Good. Besides...” He stood up, brushing himself off. “You don’t need no League and don’t need no ribbon to prove how tough you are.” And with that, Guzma waved them off, having taught Gummy everything he had the patience for.

Kindle and Ruto emerged, joining them in watching Guzma head off towards Mahalo Trail again. Thank goodness that was over. Kindle ruffled his feathers and sent a few embers floating in the cooling breeze. Goodness knows he had not approved of this whole thing from the start, and had kept a close eye those past few days to make sure there was no funny business. Ruto, too, had been wary, helping every now and then.

<<We’ll take over from here, yes?>> he said to Kindle.

<<Yes, we most certainly will.>>

“Well,” Luna sighed. “He certainly helped. And... he had a point.” Leave it to Guzma to drag everything out in the open. Gummy turned to look up at his visibly tired friend. “I’ll admit, Gummy. I had doubts that you could hold your own in the League. The Elite Four are no joke, and I just... don’t know that you’d be safe facing their teams.” Gummy’s heart dropped. Was this all for nothing, then? “There’s one pokémon, though: Acerola’s Sableye. You would have a chance of landing a hit on him. Maybe others... We can always go for other ribbons, though. It’s entirely up to you.”

Gummy considered this. Really, he did have to be realistic... He was small. And soft. He wasn’t ever going to be fast on his many feet, and he wasn’t ready to evolve just yet. He could, though, take what he had learned and start applying it. Kindle sat next to him as he thought.

<<You’ve grown a great deal, and that’s something to be proud of. You don’t have to decide now...>>

<<You’re right. What’s worse, though? Going in and being on the sidelines for almost everything, or never trying at all?>> Kindle considered this. Ruto scooted over, too, offering insight.

<<There have been a few Title Defense runs where not everyone was battling consistently. At times, maybe half the team carried the victory... but the team stood firm. We don’t have to prove ourselves constantly.>>

<<But only after you proved yourself a great deal elsewhere. No one doubted you.>> Kindle gave a soft, churring sigh. Luna returned it. Guzma had certainly put a Beedrill in their bonnets.

Gummy considered the deepening shadows. If they were going to do this right, there would be time enough to prove himself. You don’t need no League and don’t need no ribbon to prove how tough you are. <<Then, I’ll just keeping working hard! And there will be no doubt!>>

Somewhere, off in the distance, a cry of approval rang out, deep and ancient.

After saying good-bye to Hau and Hala, Luna called a Charizard service, and off they flew back to her house, where mom was sure to ask how all their training had gone.

They all needed a good rest.

---

It took a few days to shake the vibe of Guzma’s training, though the lessons stuck. Gummy had grown bigger and stronger, and continued to do so as he held his own against younger, beginner Trainers around the beach. Every victory brought him a bit closer to feeling like he belonged.

“You’re doing so well, Gummy!” She lifted him up in a celebratory swing. “Let’s get you cleaned up after all that.”

Later, as Gummy napped, it was Kindle who had opened up the ribbon book and pointed with a careful talon to one of his own. “Oh!” Luna exclaimed softly. “Of course... He should be able to get that one now.” Ruto also agreed, and so it was settled: they needed to travel to Akala!

They left on the ferry the next morning, waving to Melemele as they departed. Gummy had never been out on the ocean before, but thankfully Luna kept him tucked in snugly to her front with her jacket. Sunlight glinted off the water, Wingull glided with them... Actually, he could do without the Wingull, but Kindle was bigger, and he was very sure at this point he wouldn’t let him get eaten.

Someday, when he was a Butterfree, he’d be able to fly himself across the water to every island... Until then, he did like traveling swiftly on the waves with every possibility on the horizon.

---

Akala proved to be a wonderful adventure. They met up with Mallow, who had been teaching Orchid the Lurantis how to cook and forage, and both made them a fabulous dinner with Lana, Kiawe, and even Kahuna Olivia as guests. Orchid met Gummyworm warmly. Kindle and Ruto filled them in on their journey so far, and she was very sure they would be good friends.

<<It’s been awhile since we thought about a League run!>> She smiled demurely. Gummy was quite sure he’d never seen such an elegant and composed Grass-type before. Was everyone on Luna’s team so lovely? <<How interesting this will be!>>

Gummy was dazzled by them all, making new friends, who all wished him luck on his journey. Their pokémon even trained with him little by little, helping perfect his skills. (Gummy did decide, though, thanks to Kiawe’s Marowak, that fire was something beautiful to admire from afar, and not a type he could navigate very well. His webbing was very flammable.)

Kindle and Ruto both enjoyed the visit immensely, but also couldn’t wait until they made their way to the resort. Hopefully Kindle’s suggestion was more than just high hopes!

---

The Hano Grand Resort stood proud in the Alolan sun. Airy and opulent, it was unsurprising that so many celebrities found themselves basking on their award-winning beaches. Gummy hadn’t imagined that such a place existed. Were they on vacation? Wouldn’t that be lovely!

There was even a dashing Pikachu laying out in the sun with all sorts of people waiting on him. How nice, Gummy thought, to be taken care of so well. (Only later would Kindle tell him that he’d just seen one of the most famous Pikachu, star of so many films.)

They stepped inside the enormous lobby. The cascading water features caught the light and shimmered as water lilies quietly graced the indoor ponds. Gummy wondered at it all! You could live here without a care! As he marveled, Luna was walking towards the western corner where a gentleman in a straw hat sat drinking coffee. His face lit up when he saw Luna approaching.

“Well if it isn’t our Champion!” Gummy watched as they shook hands amiably before attention was immediately turned to him. “And this must be Gummyworm! I’ve heard all about you, my friend. You’ve been working hard, I hear! Let’s have a look-see.” Gummy wasn’t so sure what to do, but he picked himself up and struck a confident pose. He flexed his bug muscles, waved his antennae, and gave a spunky cry. The gentleman gave a hearty laugh. “Well, if you aren’t the spriest Caterpie I’ve ever met... But tell me, have you grown a great deal with Luna?”

Gummy hadn’t ever really thought about it on the spot before. He remembered when he had come out of the GTS, been allowed to stay, the moment Luna asked if he wanted his own ribbons... All of the battles he’d been allowed to watch from her shoulder, and even the ones he took part in himself. <<Yes!>> he mewed. <<Yes, I’m worlds away from where I was before! She believes in me, and I believe in her, and everyone here! We’re a team!>> He affectionately tucked himself against her neck, feeling very proud to have a friend like Luna.

That, it seemed, was enough.

“I have something for you...” There was a moment of rummaging, and Gummy wondered just what was happening. Kindle emerged from his ball, perching politely on a nearby chair, expectant. Ruto and Orchid came out as well. The kind man almost seemed misty-eyed. “Your love leaves its mark as surely as your passing leaves your footprints upon the sand...” He took a small case from his pocket, opening it to reveal a shining Footprint ribbon. “I’m grateful that you were willing to show me the wonderful bond between you and your team.”

A ribbon! His very first ribbon! Gummy mewed with delight as Luna held it up for him. Recognition for work well done, and a journey he would never forget. But this was surely just the beginning! Kindle gave a joyful cry, and together they took a lovely photo, sending it immediately to Mom.

“You always impress, Champion,” said their straw-hat friend. “Keep spreading that strength and cheer wherever you go.”

---

Gummy had traveled across each island with Luna and the rest of the team, having the chance to meet so many of the people who supported her along the way. Ula’ula was especially nice; they had tea at Malie Garden with Acerola, then popped by the Community Center so Luna could visit the local kids there. They loved hearing about her adventures leading up to becoming Champion, and peppered her with all kinds of questions about raising pokémon. One child in particular was there that day, and noticed Gummy sitting on her shoulder. “Oh, wow!” A few curious glances quickly grew into a little crowd regarding the bug with great curiosity. “You and your Caterpie are so close! Here, you should have...” He dug into his pockets, and procured a pink and white ribbon, set with a luminous gold heart. “This!” Gummy’s eyes glittered at the unexpected gift. He hadn’t known you could be recognized for friendship like that! Luna cheerfully took placed it in their case, safe and sound, while Gummy gave his chirping, chirring thanks. (And of course, then sent another picture to Mom.)

Suddenly an audience of children emerged and exploded into a barrage of questions. “Why’d you train a Caterpie?” “Is he strong?” “Can I get my own Caterpie??” “Why hasn’t he turned into a Butterfree yet?” “Is he really going to take on the League?”

Gummy’s head spun with all the questions, so many he’d been asking himself, but Luna took the reins of it all. Thank goodness he could count on her!

“He can evolve when he’s ready! Right now, he’s happy being a Caterpie. He is strong. Everyone’s strong in their own way. Yeah, you can catch your own! And I think we might just be thinking about a League run...” <<Oh!>> Just thinking about it made his heart skip. It hadn’t come up in awhile, and he had wondered if maybe Luna had let the idea slip away, focused on other things. <<Are we really still? Can I be a champion?>>

But, what are dreams if we don’t try at least once?

They left the Center feeling invigorated, setting off to catch a bus to the Hokulani Observatory.

---

There, they rejoined Science the Magnezone, who had been helping Sophocles with energy studies. The very notion of what they were setting out to do thrilled Science to his grommets, and he immediately began assessing all possible outcomes.

<<Caterpie have traditionally low capabilities,>> he buzzed. <<To pursue such an endeavor alone would produce a 98.375% chance of defeat within the first minute of battling. To do so with a team such as ours increases your success exponentially!>> Gummy laughed nervously. That was... exact and vague all at once.

The jolly Magnezone introduced him to all the Charjabug helping run the operation, and gave him a grand tour of the stars. Luna went to talk with Sophocles about Ultra Space, leaving her pokémon to stargaze. There, looking out upon the vastness of space, Gummy ventured to ask his new friends something that had been bothering him. He just couldn’t be part of this building team if... if he was right about his worry.

<<Do you think this is all a bit silly?>>

<<Well,>> Kindle thought, eyes skyward, <<Our very existence is overwhelming at the best of times. Why the great philosopher Mr. Fuji once said...>> And off he went, expounding on existentialism, and the concept of destiny, and many other theories that made Gummy’s head spin. Orchid and Ruto dozed, while Science was riveted.

<<I-I mean, do you think I am silly?>> he interrupted. <<That people wouldn’t take me seriously at the League?>>

<<Oh.>> Kindle brought himself back to earth again. Somehow, this seemed more complicated than explaining the miracle of life. He considered it carefully. There would always be someone out there, bitter and criticizing, some unhappy soul who wouldn’t believe in anything they were doing. <<There might be a few people who think it’s a mockery. That if you can do it, anyone can. But, isn’t that the point?>> He brushed a wing across him reassuringly. <<That if you work hard enough and keep with the people who can help you, who believe in you, anything is possible.>> Orchid nodded, cutting off Science who was undoubtedly going to make a comment about probability and calculate exactly what was possible.

<<Title Defense matches are serious business, but you’ve been making a name for yourself. Don’t mind what people say.>>

The friends sat in comfortable quiet for a moment.

<<You are the least silly pokémon I have ever known, Gummyworm. If anything, I admire you very much for your tenacity,>> said Ruto.

A star fell across the midnight sky, pulling a spider’s web of silver in its wake. They looked to Mount Lanakila in the distance, each making their own wish for the future.

---

They had been working hard for quite some time. Gummyworm was the strongest Caterpie Luna had ever met-- or was it that she had never considered investing in one before? It was curious, too, how Gummy hadn’t evolved yet, but she remembered her answer to the kids at the Community Center awhile back: he just liked being a Caterpie. Maybe someday he’d choose to evolve, and she would be there to protect him until he was a beautiful Butterfree.

For now, he was surprisingly talented in their League team.

On Poni Island, Moro the Lycanroc had been running through Vast Poni Canyon, patrolling for new Kahuna Hapu. When they met her once again, it was clear how fiercely loyal she was to Luna, and how she would treat Gummy as one of their own without question. He couldn’t help but be intimidated by her unwavering gaze and sharp claws, but it became clear she was essentially the Mom Friend of the group, and there was nothing to fear.

<<Are you well?>> she would ask, every day, and every day, Gummy would adamantly say that he was. Oh, he was, he was, he was. To be part of this full team, and to learn from them, was a wonderful, testing, trying dream.

They stayed on Poni with Hapu for a time, chasing Dragons and paying homage to the first Trial. Soon enough, it was obvious that they were ready for the final leg of the journey.

Ruto the Primarina, Moro the Lycanroc, Science the Magnezone, and Orchid the Lurantis were all together once more, sharing memories and rethinking strategies. They made Gummy feel right at home in their midst, though he couldn’t help but feel like an outsider in this tight circle. Science was an odd combination of logical and Brave, constantly computing but taking risks anyhow. Ruto was Hasty, but lovingly so. Serious Moro was clearly the protector of the group, especially with Timid Orchid. They complemented one another perfectly, knowing, it seemed, each other’s very heartbeats.

Even with the grand trip they’d just completed, he could just feel that what they had weathered together was something extraordinary. Listening to Moro’s recounting of Ultra Space, incredible monsters, saving the world... Suddenly he began wondering, again, if he was really even worthy to step foot into the League. She regarded him carefully, though not unkindly.

<<Is it... frightening?>> Gummy asked softly. Moro tilted her head, thinking. What had it been like for her? She had met Luna as a pup, and had gone through such trials at her side. But what joy they had as well! Her love was unshakable. By the time they had stepped through those great metal doors at the top of the world, they had dismantled the Aether Foundation, gazed into the abysmal darkness of Ultra Space, defeated Ultra Beasts, had saved Alola... Nothing could have stood in their way. Nothing.

And now, they were helping a small being achieve his dream. It had felt like an act of charity at first, but hadn’t she been a ragtag Rockruff once? Hadn’t they all been something small, and found their way to Luna? Moro had the honor of being a founding member, but she saw now that they had to make way for others to find their strength, too. Gummy had helped them all grow.

She realized Gummy was waiting for an answer.

<<It very well might be. You’ll meet those who walk with Kahunas and Captains. There is not one weak link in those walls, and once you step in, only defeat will bring you back out.>> Gummy hung his head.

<<What if I embarrass her? Or...>> Moro nodded her head, prompting him to say what was really worrying him. <<What if this whole thing... has just been... a joke?>> His little heart felt like breaking, once it was said. Moro didn’t seem surprised. She looked over to Ruto and Orchid, laughing easily by the water. Science was chatting with the Rotom Dex. Luna had set out with Kindle for some shopping, and they were all rather at ease waiting until she returned. Of course he felt out of place here, standing in the midst of history itself. She shook her rocky mane and stood, catching Gummy fast in her firm gaze.

<<You have asked that before, and must erase that doubt from your mind! You may have started this journey as an act of kindness, but Luna would not have led you to a false hope. I understand your doubts: who indeed has ever heard of a Caterpie Champion?>> She tossed her mane again, clacking her shards. <<Say it aloud! You will be the first in the history of Alola!>>

The first! Moro left no time for him to think twice. <<Are you ready to pull your weight, Gummyworm? Because the League is waiting for you!>> She gave a playful feint and yelp, ready to spar a bit. And so, they passed the evening practicing String Shots, and talking about their future opponents. They would be brave, and they would be ready!

---

Gummy couldn’t safely walk from the Pokécenter to the League Doors, and so had to wait anxiously as Luna made the trek. He heard the call to battle, Luna’s confirmation, and the hydraulic hiss of the immense doors pulling aside for their trial. This was it. All of their journeys together, their battles, training sessions, their victories and trials, had led to this moment. Gummy thought about his Footprint ribbon, given to honor his rise in strength since meeting Luna. There was the Effort ribbon, given to show how he had peaked in his strength. And then, of course, the Best Friend ribbon... because here they stood, ready for anything. Even if he should fail, Luna wouldn’t let him be ashamed.

Once inside, everyone emerged from their pokéballs. They stood in a semi-circle with Luna at their center. She looked so much different in this immense hall-- standing tall, strong, with a fierce look to her eye. The world was watching this curious team defend her title.

“Alright, everyone...” She held them all one by one in her gaze, holding Gummyworm last of all. She had to admit: there was still a seed of doubt about this whole thing. But, it was now or never. If ever she had wanted something badly enough, it was for this to all work out. “Here we are again! We’re all here to be Champions once more, and for the first time! Now, Gummy--” He perked up immediately. “The Elite Four are the strongest in Alola. But, they’re also our friends! We’re here to have fun, and to show the world what we’ve got.” She picked him up in her arms and held him gently, but firm. “Give mom a wave, okay? I know she’s rooting for you loud and clear.”

Gummy turned to the room and waved a few feet, hoping at least one camera would catch the gesture.

(It did, and far away, across Alola, many cheered for the Caterpie taking on his first Kahuna.)

---

As the Fighting Ring enclosed around them, Gummy felt the enormity of what they had just agreed to do. There was no going back!

Luna walked to the center of the stage, and faced Kahuna Hala as an opponent, but also as a friend. Gummy remembered how he had arranged for him to train with Guzma, and had watched over them so carefully during that week. It was time to show him just how much he had grown during his journey since then.

Once the battle was underway, the very arena was trembling with their might. Ruto, elegant and ethereal, sang and swam his way to victory. Once Hala sent out Primeape, though, the rhythm changed. It was his turn!

“Alright, Gummyworm! Let’s go!” And out he went! There, for all to see across Alola and the world, was a small green bug who the cameras could easily miss, especially as Hala’s Primeape stood mightily in the ring. He stamped his feet and glared down this ridiculous little opponent, leaping into the air for a decisive blow. But, before any contact, a sticky web found itself fast around his leg. “Just like we practiced!!” Luna cried, and Primeape found himself thrown off his trajectory, and hurtling towards the ground in his surprise. Tumbling across the floor, Primape was absolutely incensed.

“Excellent work, Gummy! Ruto, you’re in!” As Gummy returned to his ball, he could feel his heart absolutely pounding in his chest. He had done it! He had landed an excellent String Shot, and threw off his opponent just enough to make him tumble!

Ruto blew him a kiss before expertly ending the match. It had been a wonderful, frightening experience, everything and nothing like what Gummy had imagined it to be.

They were amazing!

---

Kahuna Hala gave a jolly, belly-shaking laugh. “Who would have thought? Caught off-guard like that... Just goes to show you the true power of you and your team. Go on! Face the remaining three!” Luna bowed, and exited the arena, transported back to the main hall.

There, everyone swarmed Gummy. He was shaken and a bit dazed, but he had slowed down the pokémon of a kahuna! He had contributed to their win! Ruto sang a spirited victory chant while Luna healed everyone.

<<Our darling Gummy,>> he said proudly. <<Tangling up a Primeape and setting my stage beautifully!>>

Luna, too, was feeling fierce pride for Gummy. So many people had just seen his skill, and she felt sure in her decision to bring him after all. But, she still had the good sense to know Olivia’s rock-types would not be a good match for her little fighter. Gummy quite agreed.

And so, he sat that battle out, and watched as Orchid and Ruto made swift work of Olivia’s team. Gummy felt he finally understood the phrase “poetry in motion” as they dodged boulders, avoiding being crushed under their brute strength. Ruto was elegance personified as his liquid voice eradicated all obstacles. Peaceful Orchid surprised Gummy most of all, becoming a blooming force on the field. It was all over, it seemed, in a wink.

Halfway through the League, and the team was doing very well. Next was Acerola with her spooky team, none of whom were Gummy’s cup of tea. Maybe they sensed his insecurities, and just couldn’t help but send shivers down his exoskeleton. He wasn’t too sure how this would go. Orchid offered a reassuring pat.

<<It’s alright if the first battle was your only battle. Why, I hardly made it out during one title defense sweep! Sometimes your role is to be on-call, just in case.>>

He nodded. Still... he had to give it a try. Kahili had a team full of birds that he most definitely could not face, so this might be his only chance before the very last match to make himself useful.

He had to try!

---

As Luna stepped into the misty, strange ring, Gummy gave a determined mew. He would be first! As he landed confidently in the ring, Acerola gave a gleeful jump.

“Oh!! I was hoping you’d come out to play! I can’t wait to see how this goes!” Out came Sableye, teeth bared in such an unsettling fashion that Gummy was quite sure he’d have nightmares for weeks. If his journey with Luna had taught him anything, it was that fear was natural; how we react to it, though-- that made all the difference.

Sableye danced around Caterpie, grin wide and menacing. Her aura seemed to consume him like a nightmare. <<Long way from home, little Caterpie?>> she sneered. <<Want to go back to your tree?>> Everyone watching was convinced Gummy was immobilized by fear, shaking as he was. In a blink, Sableye delivered a snappy Fake Out, but something in the blow brought Gummy to his senses. Instead of flinching, he shot out a string of sticky web! Cocooned in string, Sableye couldn’t move. Without missing a beat Gummy began a barrage of bug bites, enraging the captured Sableye until she broke free of her sticky bonds. <<HOW DARE YOU!>> she hissed, but Luna intervened, seeing there was no way Gummy could progress further with such an angry opponent.

“Great job, Gummy!” she called. “Come on back!” Ruto took over once more, with Moro and Science having their time as well. It was a heated, spirited battle, with Luna emerging victorious after a few close calls. Acerola’s Pallossand took no prisoners, that was certain.

Luna was once again astounded by Gummy’s gumption, lifting him high once they were back in the hall.

“Incredible!” she said. “You’ve shown everyone watching that you’re to be reckoned with, not once, but twice! Want to sit the birds out?” Gummy gave a vigorous nod. No beaks for him, please. He gladly sipped a Lemonade and let Luna apply some Potion to his scratches before they set out again.

---

Kahili was a breeze with Science and Moro, and they were soon back in the main hall. Everyone ate their berries and sipped Fresh Water, taking one last mini break before the last defense battle. Kindle turned to Gummy, hoping with all his avian heart that there were no surprises in this last battle.

<<Gummyworm,>> Kindle said, <<I... didn’t think too much on what I’d say once we were here, but. I am very glad you decided to stick around.>> Gummy chewed on a Sitrus berry and smiled.

<<I never could have done it without you, Kindle. And the others. And Luna!>> What would he have been without the faith of his friends? <<To think, here we are, after the Elite Four!>> Somehow, in that moment, looking around the vast chamber, it all came into perfect focus for Gummy. A calm came over him. Whatever happened next... <<Kindle... Thank you. For helping me prove to myself that I was able to get this far. I... I used to hurt a lot about being a throw-away. It wasn’t about the ribbons, really! I just wanted to be part of something bigger! And now, I’ve shown so many people that you can be small, and maybe not someone’s first choice, but still be great.>> By this time, everyone had gathered around him. His friends, boosting him to be the best he could be. <<Thank you, everyone. Thank you for helping me, and bringing me into the team.>>

Moro stepped forward to nuzzle him, prompting a huge group hug. Luna felt the energy of it all, the sense that they had fulfilled a great mission together. There was still one more step, though, and that involved the Champion’s room!

---

The tall staircase opened up to an immense dome magnifying the brilliance of the blue sky. Luna brought Gummyworm onto her shoulder to see the space, showing him the wide stretches of mountain and sea all around. “Isn’t it marvelous?” she breathed. “Every time I’m here... I’m just not ready to lose this view.” They took another minute to appreciate the mountaintop before Luna turned to a large chair set towards the back. With great dignity, she walked to her seat, and placed herself dutifully to receive her last opponent.

No sooner had she done so, a familiar figure entered the room. There stood Gladion, looking as fiercely morose as ever.

“You just use your best moves and see who is left standing at the end, right?" Was that really what it came down to? It had to be so much more than that. The way they supported one another, cheered, fought, hurt, and healed together... No! It was more than that!

Luna sent out Science as her first pokémon, and the following battle was breathtaking. Where Kahili’s match seemed almost unfair in its type match-ups, Luna and Gladion fought with unbridled spirit. Science removed Crobat from the line-up. Kindle faced off with Lucario. Ruto faced off with curious Silvally and Weavile. An absolute blur of might! It was the final pokémon for Gladion. Porygon-Z floated in its twitching dancing way, with Orchid calmly looking on. But, as Orchid prepared a Solar Beam, Porygon-Z used a surprising Ice Beam, nearly bringing the delicate Grass-type to her knees in moments.

<<I’ll go!!>> Gummy cried. Luna looked to him with determined eyes. This was it. She had to let him into the match... with no plan. Enough of the team was healthy that this could still end in their favor. There, in the Champion’s arena, Luna gave her command.

“Go! Gummyworm!” And out he went, taking the place of his wounded friend in the ring.

He couldn’t know that all across Alola, people cheered for the Caterpie with the audacity to fight in the Title Defense match. All the children they had met, rooting loudly in front of their TVs, every Captain, every Kahuna, even Guzma in Iki Town. They all watched as Gummy unleashed his String Shot straight at Porygon-Z.

He had carefully assessed its erratic motions, had aimed not where it was, but where it was going to be... and there! Ensnaring its body, then with a careful flick, extending the web to the ground. Porygon-Z was confused for a moment at being stuck; that was all the opening Gummy needed to shoot another string, pulling himself in at high speed for a Tackle aimed right at its middle. The blow was confident, sending both of them in opposite directions. Gummy flew across the ring... caught by the call of his pokéball as Luna brought him safely back.

“You did great!” she called, but Gummy was just a bit dazed at what he’d just done. He heard Kindle take up the battle, and rode out the remaining match with Luna.

Then, almost as soon as it had started, Gladion’s last pokémon was defeated, and quiet fell across the arena. The mist and dust settled... The battle was won!

Luna remained Champion!

Everyone emerged from their pokéballs for healing and celebration, letting out reeling cries of strength bouncing from the very walls. Their joy echoed across the blue sky, and all across the region, people celebrated another powerful League run. After making sure everyone was safe and sound, Luna took up Gummyworm into her arms with tears in her eyes.

“You did it! You really, truly did it, Gummy!!” There had been so many moments when his heart felt full to bursting, but this! The brave Caterpie let his own tears fall as he took in the great Alola sky, and his friends encircling him.

<<I did! We did! Champions!!>>

During this great celebration, Professor Kukui entered the room, bringing with him a small case. He had been watching from the very beginning as Luna entered with her familiar team, along with the Caterpie from that day, not so long ago. Wasn’t it something, how people and pokémon could come together and achieve spectacular things? And that String Shot move! He would have to ask this spunky bug if he could study its power.

But that would be another day.

“Hey, cousin!” he called, approaching the group. “I bring with me an honor for the new League Champion.”

Luna hugged Gummy snugly before calmly walking him over to the large Champion’s chair. There, she set him down, and stepped aside as Kukui revealed the small case. “Gummyworm the Caterpie...” He knelt down, opening the lid to reveal a shining gold emblem attached to red and white ribbons. “I’ve heard about your great journey all across Alola. You’ve learned what it is to truly work hard and achieve your dreams, yeah? Today, you stepped into the ring and showed everyone the results of all that work, and also showed what it is to work as a team. In honor of your victory, I present to you the Alola League Champion Ribbon.”

Holding the honor, and looking to all his friends... Gummy knew he had achieved his dream, one that had brought him all across the islands, and united the hearts of so many who saw him as the treasured being he was.

And so, Gummyworm the Caterpie was entered into the Alolan Hall of Fame, recorded for all eternity with wonder and pride.

---

The sunset gently sank from blazing red, pink, to purple, slipping ever closer to the dusky veil of night. Mom had spread out a large blanket on the beach with a few candles and snacks, ending the day in peace. Ruto stretched at the water’s edge with Orchid close by; Moro sat with Mom and Meowth on the blanket. Kindle dozed, perched on Science, who was out cold. Luna, meanwhile, was off a ways, walking the waves with Gummyworm perched on her shoulder, making their way back to the group before night fell.

So very much had happened since that day at the Professor’s lab.

They had journeyed all across the islands, meeting so many people who challenged and supported them. Why, there had been quite a few moments where they seriously considered just going home... But where would they have been if they’d given up?

“You sure have taught me a lot,” Luna said, looking out across the fading sunset. “But you know what? I think you taught so many other people today what the League really means, too.” Gummy wiggled his antennae, curious what she meant. “I think... It’s more of a feeling, really. The connections we share, how we support one another... How we define ourselves. Do you feel like you’re a Champion?”

In that moment before the last match, he knew within his heart that he had everything he needed, right there. And, when victory had truly been achieved?

He mewed a loud <<Yes!>>

Luna laughed. “You earned it, buddy. You really, really did. Thank you for taking me on this journey.”

<<And thank you for having faith in me, Luna.>>

They walked to Mom, who welcomed them back with a hug and kiss.

---

From that day on, Gummyworm was famous across Alola. There were interviews, and visits to Community Centers for meet-and-greets. Luna made her thank-you’s known. Guzma received more visitors at Iki Town, making Hala proud every time he didn’t tell someone off or make a child cry. He couldn’t help but smile, though, when a basket full of berries and battling items arrived from Luna. The kid was alright.

Others sent the team their love as well from all over the regions, especially the children who adored the idea of a Super Caterpie. There was even a picture book that came out: The Champion of the Small, which certainly took its liberties, but made him happy just the same.

When the hype died down, and Luna set her sights on a new adventure, Gummy decided to stay with Mom on Melemele. He loved Luna, but he did need a break, and growing plump on berries didn’t sound half bad! Luna would visit, as would everyone else when they could. Orchid had decided to return to Mallow to learn advanced forest foraging, while Science was set to study at the Hokulani Observatory for a bit longer. Ruto went with Luna, as did Moro and Kindle.

Gummy was thinking that, maybe soon, he just might evolve... but until that felt just right, life was beautiful and serene,

And he was loved.

---

The End.

[zrtranscripts]

Radio Abel, Season Six

Part 4 of 6

The following section takes place after S6M20, "Peacekeeper"

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Hello, ci-ti-zens! Have we got a treat for you.

ZOE CRICK: He's using the word "treat" very loosely.

JODY MARSH: Thanks!

ZOE CRICK: My pleasure.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: With us in the studio is Abel's very own Jody Marsh! Former interim commander-in-chief, and now... um...

JODY MARSH: Just another Abel runner.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, there's nothing just about being an Abel runner. And anyway, you've got a scheme or two of your own going on, haven't you? A little birdy tells me about a certain transmitter you've been building?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [laughs] Which makes sense. Transmitters make good perches for birds.

ZOE CRICK: It wasn't a literal bird, Phil.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: No, I know. I'm just saying, actual birds would also be well informed about Jody's transmitter.

JODY MARSH: Now that you mention it, we did have a seagull nest in it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: See?

JODY MARSH: Only we had to get rid of it because it was interfering with the signal.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, but nothing happened to the chicks, right? You definitely rehomed them in as untraumatic a way as possible?

JODY MARSH: Yeah, because I knew you'd never speak to me again if I didn't. And I picked this next song especially for the baby seagulls!

ZOE CRICK: Aw!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I've seen the plans for that transmitter of yours, Jody. It's an impressive bit of kit.

JODY MARSH: Thanks. I mean, it's a real botch job, but it does the trick. It's let us set up UK-wide comms with a whole bunch of settlements that were cut off from contact before.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Such a weird thought. You know, there are people out there who've got no idea what's been going on in the rest of the country. I mean, yeah, they've probably noticed the zoms. But the Minister and all the rest of it?

ZOE CRICK: Yeah. And as soon as we fill them in, they'll probably decide she's the best thing since sliced bread. Everyone else seems to think that.

JODY MARSH: It's just the cure. You can't blame people for wanting it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I do a bit. Wrong's wrong, whatever it's got to offer you.

JODY MARSH: But they don't know it's wrong. That's the thing. That's why my transmitter's so important. If we could just talk to people. That's what it's all about in the end, talking. You can fight your enemies from dawn until dusk, but until you change their minds, they'll just rise up again in the morning.

ZOE CRICK: Hm. A bit like zombies, in fact.

JODY MARSH: It's not just the UK, either. I'm hoping to get a booster that will let us speak to other countries. The whole world! If I can manage it.

ZOE CRICK: That would be amazing. We could find out what's going on in... well, I don't know. Outer Mongolia!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: We could broadcast the show to them.

JODY MARSH: Lucky Outer Mongolia. Oh! They'd get to listen to something like this!

ZOE CRICK: It must be weird, though.

JODY MARSH: What?

ZOE CRICK: Being in charge and then having Janine come back and suddenly you're [laughs] taking orders again.

JODY MARSH: Not really. I mean, I'd probably do what Janine said even if she wasn't officially in charge. She's just got that sort of personality.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: That's true. She made some comments about my hair getting long the other day and Zoe had to talk me out of getting it buzz cut. Just didn't want to disappoint her.

ZOE CRICK: I'd hate to have had your job, though, Jody. I mean, all that responsibility! [laughs] I can barely take care of myself, let alone half the country.

JODY MARSH: It's funny. I thought I'd find it dead stressful, and it was, but I kinda liked it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Inner control freak coming out?

JODY MARSH: No! Well, yeah. I'm not saying I'm not a big old bossy boots, but it was more than that. It made me feel good knowing I was helping people.

ZOE CRICK: You've always helped people, though. You've saved more lives than I've had hot dinners, and I like my food.

JODY MARSH: I've done my bit, but it's easy doing what you're told, isn't it? Making the decisions, the hard decisions, that's a whole different thing. When you do that so other people don't have to, it's like you're... I don't know, uh, lifting this huge burden off them, and they don't even know it. So I'm glad I did it, but I'm glad Janine's carrying it now, as well.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Well, this one's for you, Janine De Luca. We all owe you one.

BERNARD PRIOR: Fairest listeners, good morrow to you! And what a zippy tune! Did you bliss out? I believe that's the lingo. You might think ruddy old Bernard has never been to a right old rave-up. And you'd be right. But I have been to a concert or two where the bass drums were off the hook. [laughs] Just my little joke. I'm actually very fond of The Smiths in my more soft-shoed moments. More tunes, vicar?

BERNARD PRIOR: Now, as those delicate notes fade away, let's get down to business. Careful listeners, as I am confident you are aware, I, your humble host, doth occasionally attempt to bring a tot of political philosophy to the old airwaves, investigating how ancient ideas of governance and legislature apply to our savage realpolitik red in tooth and claw. However, it is with a heavy heart I must tell you that, as a mere radio presenter, I do have to abide by the diktats of my superiors. More on those diktats after this.

BERNARD PRIOR: So, word from on high is -

AMELIA SPENS: You need to be more accessible to the great unwashed, B.

BERNARD PRIOR: Oh, Amelia. You're here. And could you please watch your phrasing? Many of my listeners have suffered through soap rationing.

AMELIA SPENS: Now Bernard, we have always had soap in Fort Canton. The people who said there was a soap shortage were not to be believed. Who would believe anyone who was so poorly groomed? Anyway, your show going forward. I like to think of it as a sympathetic refurbishment of a well-loved classic. A stylish new jacket on a saggy old body.

BERNARD PRIOR: My show hardly needs refurbishing, or as I suspect, completely demolishing and replacing with a shopping arcade.

AMELIA SPENS: You need to be accessible! Enough of this political philosophy claptrap.

BERNARD PRIOR: One does wonder what could be more accessible, dear hearts, than the machinations of our very systems of governance.

AMELIA SPENS: One word: ratings. Ratings are the powers that be in this game, and Fort Canton Today needs to be more populist, reach a little further than the metropolitan elite. You need to lower your common denominator. Which is why from now on, this show will be mainly movie reviews.

BERNARD PRIOR: Film reviews. I think you'll find in England, we call them films.

AMELIA SPENS: Oh, whatever. Good grief. And stop sulking! This reboot comes with perks.

BERNARD PRIOR: I'm delighted to let you know, listeners, Amelia is referring to a glittering stack of old VHS cassettes and a top-loading player supplied to old Bernard precisely for such noble pursuits. [sighs] So stay tuned, fragrant listeners, for Bernard's government-sanctioned thoughts on flicks.

AMELIA SPENS: Oh, cheer up, B! You might enjoy it.

BERNARD PRIOR: Could it not at least be the high arts? Opera, ballet, classical music. Something to delight the senses, something I can bring a bit of my special Bernard magic to. A sprinkling of wonder.

AMELIA SPENS: Oh, I think this will be magical enough for anyone.

BERNARD PRIOR: And there's no, I don't know, conflict of interest here?

AMELIA SPENS: Whatever do you mean?

BERNARD PRIOR: Are you, Miss Spens, using your political position to influence the media in a way that benefits your personal business interests?

AMELIA SPENS: Bernard, you need to stop listening to the haters.

ZOE CRICK: So, a little birdy told me that you went on a date last night.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Is this the same birdy that kept you informed about Jody's transmitter?

ZOE CRICK: Yeah. [laughs] It's a birdy with a wide and varied range of interests. A renaissance birdy, if you will. So, how did it go?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, it was lovely!

ZOE CRICK: Really?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah! It was so funny. When she saw me, she flung her arms straight around me.

ZOE CRICK: Wow. Quick worker.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Turned out I looked just like her brother who's been missing since Day Zero.

ZOE CRICK: Oh.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah! So then she had a bit of a cry, and then she took me back to her room.

ZOE CRICK: Oh. More promising.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: To look at all these family albums she'd managed to save. It was really moving.

ZOE CRICK: Right. Then did you shag?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: What? No! I look like her brother. That would be weird.

ZOE CRICK: So when you said it was lovely, you actually meant it was a complete disaster?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: No, she's a really nice person! I hope we can be friends.

ZOE CRICK: [laughs] Philip Cheeseman, what am I going to do with you?

BERNARD PRIOR: Hail, gentle listeners. Ahoy-hoy and aloha and welcome. Barricade those windows, sit back, crack open your ration packs, and get ready for muster. Point of interest, your intrepid raconteur Bernaldo has received many a missive about our upcoming change of tack. I am of course delighted to report that I've had a fair number of angry screeds lamenting the loss of my political insights.

For example, "Are you being silenced?" writes Heartbroken in Radial. Oh, Broken, I can assure you, Bernard will never be silenced by the Man! Or the Woman.

STEVE SISSAY: Hello, loves. Welcome back to A Guide to Effective Problem-Solving and Conflict Resolution, an audio series with me, your explosive host, Steve Sissay. I'm going to be talking to you about one of my two favorite things, explosives. And perhaps you can have a guess at the other one while you listen to this.

TEVE SISSAY: So, time for a few basics. There are three ways to make an explosion. There's a chemical reaction. That's your old nitroglycerin, your Semtex, your C-4, all based on reactions that release a hell of a lot of energy. That's why we like to make sure we stand well back. Never return to a bomb once the fuse is lit. [laughs]

Then you have your pressure releases, gas canisters and so on. And of course, finally, we have nukes. Eh, fair enough, when that's the effect you want. But for my money, they lack intimacy. I don't like to be reckless. Well, I do like to be a little reckless sometimes. But when I do blow something up, I do like to feel the heat on my face. That's a lot less fun with a nuke.

STEVE SISSAY: I know what you're thinking. All right, sunshine, nice talk, but how do I get my paws on them? And for that, you're going to have to consider an age-old question: shop bought or homemade? Give it a ponder.

STEVE SISSAY: Okay, so you've decided you want the ready-mades first. Sensible choice for the busy saboteur on the run. So where are you going to get them? Everyone's first thought: Army bases! Only trouble with that? It was everyone's first thought. If you can find an Army munitions store that isn't cleared out or occupied, you're a better forager than me. And trust me, you're not a better forager than me. Besides, come a little closer. Let uncle Steven tell you a little something. There's someone out there who had a lot more explosives stock-piled than the Army. See if you can work out who it is during this.

STEVE SISSAY: [laughs] Okay, okay. No more suspense. Where's the best place to hunt down explosives? Well, loves, it's mines. Old mines! The mining industry used more explosives than anyone, and a lot of mines are abandoned with fully-stocked storerooms. So grab yourself a hard hat and go mining for your own treasure.  Fill your boots with lovely, lovely ammonium nitrate emulsions. Now be careful none of the cartridges are leaking, and maybe don't actually put them in your boots. Bring a metal box with you.

ZOE CRICK: Are those bags I can see under your eyes?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Mm. [sips coffee] Maybe.

ZOE CRICK: They definitely are. And that's your third cup of coffee. Was someone out late last night?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yes, fine. I was on a date last night.

ZOE CRICK: Ooh, and it was a late one!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Well, the weather's been so nice, I thought we could go for a moonlight picnic.

ZOE CRICK: Nice! You've got game.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, but I think the game in question might be Ludo.

ZOE CRICK: Oh God, what happened?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Well, I thought it would be slightly less romantic if any zombies joined us for the picnic, so we did it inside Abel grounds.

ZOE CRICK: So far, so sensible.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I took Christine around the back of the strawberry fields. Only no one told me Janine had been using it as a training ground for new runners.

ZOE CRICK: Your date's still alive, right?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, but we stumbled over this, uh, trap Janine had put on the path.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, bloody hell.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: It's okay. I saw it in time and shouted at her to mind out.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, thank goodness.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Only me shouting gave her such a shock, she tripped and fell in one of Janine's camouflaged pits. She broke her collarbone and her left leg. 

ZOE CRICK: It's like you've got this special talent for disaster.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Mm. Maxine says she's going to be fine. She's in quite a lot of pain, though. I swapped all those Ordnance Survey maps I've been hoarding for enough morphine to see her through. But understandably, she's not that keen on seeing me. So, um... [sips coffee] this one's by way of an apology.

BERNARD PRIOR: And I have another communiqué here that begins "Mon Cher Bernard." Oh. Excuse me, listeners. This is perhaps my first frisky fanmail. I was warned this would happen, but it had actually been a longer wait than I understood was usual. Of course, in the interest of chivalry, I can't share most of it, but I will say thank you to – oh, let me see who it's from.

Oh. Goodness. Margot. Margot, I... Gosh. Listeners, I must inform you, in the interest of radio transparency, that I am blushing. Oh my. And there's a P.S. here. "I must tell you, Bernard, that although I suggested we should meet, it will be difficult as I am currently in Chalk Valley." Oh. Oh no.

STEVE SISSAY: You're listening to Steve Sissay, and this is A Guide to Effective Problem-Solving and Conflict Resolution. That wasn't my first choice of title, by the way. I wanted to call the show Going Kaboom! With Steve Sissay. But um, yeah. Some people thought that was a little frivolous.

STEVE SISSAY: Now before I move on to talking about DIY explosions, I've had a letter from a listener. I'm broadcasting from a highly secret location, so there are really only a handful of people this could be from, listeners. I know who I hope it's from. [paper rustles] Ah yes. "Dear Steven, what is your favorite kind of explosion?" Well now, [laughs] I think that's a rather personal question, but I'll see if I can think of an answer suitable to broadcast during this song.

STEVE SISSAY: There is one kind of explosion I love maybe more than all the others. It's not one that has a lot of practical applications, but it is glorious. Say it with me: dust explosion. Have you ever seen a great pyrotechnic effect in a movie? The way the air seems to catch fire. That's not actually what it'd look like if you planted Semtex. But to get that beautiful effect, they often use the technique of suddenly igniting a high concentration of flammable particles in the air. 

Ever heard of a grain silo explosion? Same thing. Dust in the air suddenly catching light all at once. Beautiful. And often fatal. Not something you're often able to use to your advantage, but if there's a high concentration of organic particles in the air and you've got a suitable source of ignition, it could be time for a light show.

STEVE SISSAY: Back to DIY. Of course, it used to be that if you tried to leave your local DIY store with a trolley full of fertilizer and drain cleaner, you'd get your credit card details passed to GCHQ. Nowadays, it's easy pickings. Life's a lot simpler when you don't have to queue at the checkout. DIY downsize, or of course, fighting zombies in the aisles. Although I always feel if I'm going to fight zombies, a shop that sells chainsaws is the place to do it.

ZOE CRICK: So?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Don't.

ZOE CRICK: How did the date go?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I know what you're asking. Don't.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, you can't tell me this one went badly. I spent weeks finding Lulu for you. She was your perfect woman. For God's sake, she even likes The Alan Parsons Project. Do you know rare that is in a person who's otherwise sane?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I know. That was the problem. She was too perfect. Started worrying I was going to mess it up. So I chickened out and canceled the date.

ZOE CRICK: Okay. Well, that's pathetic, but not disastrous. You just need to arrange another one.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, but the thing is... when I was radioing her to tell her I couldn't come, I couldn't think of an excuse, so um... I told her I had – [whispers] genital warts.

ZOE CRICK: You what?!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I panicked. It's the first thing I thought of.

ZOE CRICK: You needed an excuse, and that was the first thing that came to mind? No, don't tell me why. I don't want to know.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: So obviously I can't ask her out now.

ZOE CRICK: But you don't have - 

[speaking simultaneously]

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Don't say it! 

ZOE CRICK: - genital warts!

[speaking in turn]

ZOE CRICK: Okay, but you don't have the thing you won't let me say.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I know.

ZOE CRICK: So tell her. Or I'll tell her. I mean, that's not a conversation I ever wanted to have, but for the sake of your love life, I'll do it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, thanks, but there's no point. My name is now indelibly associated in her mind with... that. It's bound to be a bit of a passion-killer.

ZOE CRICK: [sighs] I despair. All right, listeners, this one's for anyone out there who really is suffering from... that

BERNARD PRIOR: You know what I miss about the old days, listeners? Ah, so many things. The Times crossword. Not that old Bern completed more than a clue or two, and that was on a good day. But it was a comfort to know it was there. A stroll though the woods in autumn. A pot of cocoa with nutmeg on top. And call me a nostalgic old fool, but I do miss being able to visit long lost true loves without several sets of travel papers. You know, the simple things.

BERNARD PRIOR: Dearest friends, I have to confess, Bernard is no movie buff. I can enjoy a night at the flicks as much as anyone, of course. I have a soul. I can be moved. But I would not call myself a connoisseur of the art of the motion picture. However, I watched Jurassic Park last night, and I did find it rather jolly. And surprisingly, full of practical tips. Stay tuned. My full review after this.

BERNARD PRIOR: So, fateful friends, Jurassic Park. Quite the survival guide. Are there so many differences between a Tyrannosaurus rex and a large zombie? Maybe not. Should we all take the time to learn how to reboot a Unix system? Perhaps not all of us. That would surely be overkill.

But never underestimate taking a nerd of some description on your raiding party. Who knows when you'll need to break into a computerized system or reconfigure the power grid? Mr. Spielburg sending a worthwhile lesson to us all, I think. And as for philosophy, there was much to muse on. Life will find a way, eh, Mr. Goldblum? But whose life, ours or theirs? 

Jurassic Park was quite the timely reminder that our world has been a home to great change already. The seasons turn, as do the dominant species'. Bernie's rating: four shining stars. Heavens above. Now Amelia Spens, our glorious benefactor, tells me it's imperative I inform you that the VHS cassette of Jurassic Park is available to rent from Fort Canton General Stores for a modest fee.

STEVE SISSAY: I've had another letter. From the handwriting, this is from the same person, and uh – [paper rustles] Ah, yes. [laughs] You want to know about the explosions that aren't fit for broadcast? [laughs] Excuse me, listeners. I'm going to have to take this one off-air.

AMELIA SPENS: How's it going, Mr. B?

BERNARD PRIOR: Oh! A surprise visit, dear heart. How thoughtful. I reviewed a film. Did you hear?

AMELIA SPENS: I did. Excellent job. There is really no need to reference zombies so much. It's not like we're going to forget about them as we run from hordes of them, have to kill our loved ones who've turned into them, and scavenge for food in an unimaginable hellscape.

BERNARD PRIOR: I've not noticed you doing any of those things.

AMELIA SPENS: Well, of course not. I have no loved ones.

BERNARD PRIOR: Shrewd as ever.

AMELIA SPENS: Thank you. But please try and remember, people tune in to Fort Canton Today for escapism. Bread and circuses, B.

BERNARD PRIOR: That's all very well, but how about subjects relevant to peoples' lives?

AMELIA SPENS: Oh, like what? Another lecture on the thoughts of Desmond Hume?

BERNARD PRIOR: David Hume.

AMELIA SPENS: People have enough mortal threats to worry about without you boring them to death.

BERNARD PRIOR: How about some investigative journalism?

AMELIA SPENS: [sighs] What do you have in mind?

BERNARD PRIOR: A deep dive into the free movement of people.

AMELIA SPENS: I can't do anything about the wall.

BERNARD PRIOR: How about Chalk Valley?

AMELIA SPENS: Chalk Valley voted to take themselves out of our free state coalition. And if they don't want people from Radial moving there, we can't really let people from Chalk Valley go wherever they want, can we? They've made their position clear, and if they like isolation so much, let's leave them to it.

BERNARD PRIOR: Ahoy-hoy to thee, fragrant listeners. It is I, your genial host and humble servant, Bernard Prior, bringing you all you need to know about life in New – Fort Canton. Welcome once more to Fort Canton Today.

And hark, fellow Cantonians. I've had another missive from a treasured listener. In this particular case, the rather improbably named Quiffy Boy. Well met, young Quiffy, who writes, "Dear Bernard, are you really a fan of The Smiths, or were you joking? If it was a joke, please do not joke about such things. Morrissey and Marr were a genius combination, the like of which we will never see again. On the other hand, if you are a fan, please tell us your favorite track. Regards, Quiffy Boy."

Well now, young Quiffy, perhaps this tune will answer your plaintive query.

BERNARD PRIOR: I am, of course, just joking. I adore Manchester's finest export, [?]. My favorite track... well, what difference does it make? [laughs] And you know Quiffy, as a boy, I had a pet rat called Morrissey. And handsome black and brown fellow he was, and so smart, he could have been a city stockbroker. Quite the furry adventurer, always mounting bold escapes from his cage and going to terrify Father or other such derring-do. Quite the devilish rogue, he was.

So named because on several of his bids for freedom, he was caught snacking on Mother's gladioli. I gave him a Viking burial on the local pond when he finally passed. Such a sight. That flaming shoebox sinking beneath the pondweed brought a soulful tear to the eye of your genial host's teenage self. [sniffs]

BERNARD PRIOR: And you know something, patient listeners? I threw a nubbin of best-aged Stilton into that pond every year until I left home for the big bad world. Good night, sweet Morrissey the rat, wherever you are now. This one's for you.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Hello, citizens. Thank you for tuning in to us today when we've got the beautiful and talented Jody Marsh back in the studio with us. She can knit a jumper like you wouldn't believe and has clocked some of the fastest times for the Macks Pharmacy run of any Abel runner.

JODY MARSH: Uh, thanks!

ZOE CRICK: [laughs] Don't worry. He's been practicing compliments. [whispers] For his dates.

JODY MARSH: [whispers] Oh, I see.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [clears throat] Jody's here to talk about the political situation in our country today.

JODY MARSH: Am I?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Uh... yep. We're a nation divided along complicated social and political lines, and you're here to give Abel's perspective on the current situation?

JODY MARSH: Oh. Um, well, Zoe said she'd just run out of good jokes, and would I mind coming on the show and spouting any old nonsense for a few minutes until she thinks up some more?

ZOE CRICK: To be fair, that is actually a direct quote.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Right. Well, I don't think that's really a great use of Radio Name Pending's airtime, so we'll be back with some serious discussion right after this.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: That song was chosen by Jody Marsh, former commander-in-chief of Abel Township, who's with us in the studio right now.

ZOE CRICK: Jody's here to talk about the current socioeconomic situation, apparently.

JODY MARSH: Uh, actually, I was thinking. I can bang on about Abel's side of things and Abel's version of the story until the cows come home, but the only people who'll believe me are the ones who already do.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: That's not true.

JODY MARSH: No, I think it is. So maybe I could just answer peoples' questions on Rofflenet? You can do that, right? Get people to send in questions?

ZOE CRICK: Oh, definitely. Although... if they're anything like the name suggestions we've had -

JODY MARSH: Well, I'll take the chance.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I like that. All right, citizens. If you've got a question for Jody Marsh -

JODY MARSH: Any question at all, really.

ZOE CRICK: Any question broadcastable on a family show.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Uh, send it to us on Rofflenet, and Jody'll answer you. In the meantime, have you got another tune for us, Jody?

JODY MARSH: Yeah. This is one that – actually, this one always makes me think of Runner Five, Abel's head of runners. Hope you enjoy it.

ZOE CRICK: Welcome back, listeners. And some of you have been very quick off the mark because we've got our first question for Jody Marsh, Abel Township's former commander-in-chief.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: And the first question is... oh. Uh, I'm not sure I should read that.

JODY MARSH: I said I'd answer anything.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh it's, well... Okay. "Where do you get off fighting the Minister when all she wants to do is unite the country and get us back on our feet? You should be ashamed of yourself."

ZOE CRICK: I'm not sure there's actually much of a question in there.

JODY MARSH: No, there is. And it's a good one. Because what we're doing is creating more chaos than if we weren't doing it. If we just surrendered, the country would be more peaceful, but the thing is, it wouldn't be more free and it wouldn't be more fair. The price the Minister wants for peace is much too high. She won't settle for anything less than total obedience. And once she's got it, once she can do whatever she wants, you'll find out what she's really like.

Whoever you are that asked that question, you've only seen her nice face because right now, you're not a threat to her. But step out of line and you'll see the Sigrid we here at Abel have known all along: the monster who can kill and torture without conscience. That's why we don't surrender, why we'll never surrender. We want to save anyone else from having to face that monster.

ZOE CRICK: Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly right. Jody'll be back to answer more questions right after this.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Ah, thank God. This is a much nicer question. "Jody, if you could go back to the world before the zombies for just one day, what would you do?

JODY MARSH: I'd spend it with my family.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, that's a rubbish answer.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Zoe!

ZOE CRICK: No, but I mean, we'd all spend it with our families. Of course we would. I mean, apart from people who had really awful families, and they'd probably spend it with their friends. But what would you actually do? One day, the old world, no zoms. The world's your oyster.

JODY MARSH: Okay. I need to have a think about that.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Don't go anywhere, citizens!

[wilderun]

What happened to Pack West Wolfdog Rescue and the animals that died and the scams? I'd hate for it to be true from the little I saw online, because I had a ton of faith in them. They seemed so legitimate to me, but I really am not that knowledgeable on how rescues run.

What you saw was 100% correct. I’m going to copy/paste Sara Movahedi (rescue coordinator at In Harmony With Nature)’s post that she made here, because it’s too long to go into on my own. Sara may be somewhat of a polarizing figure in the wolfdog community, but she is honest and fair. Everything she has brought into the light about Pack West is fact, unfortunately. And more is coming out beyond even this. 

“A few months ago, I was asked by a friend to join the board of Packwest Rescue to assist them with some minor admin hiccups they were having. I had been aware of some of the issues surrounding PW for some time, but was hopeful that they would sort things out and carry on doing what they do. Upon teaming up with them, I made some discoveries that left me rather stunned, shocked, disgusted, and disheartened. I will list a few of them in this post, as the public (specifically wdc people) have a right to know what transpired, and the members of Packwest won’t be able to live in the light, until they can come out of the darkness.

The other reason I’m posting this is to highlight what can/will happen when well-intentioned people take on more than they can handle, and more than they are qualified for, by starting something like a rescue, without first building the basic foundation to support it down the line. It seems every time I turn around lately, someone says they’re starting a rescue or opening a sanctuary… And it never fails, every time I see or hear it, I shudder and think about Packwest… how things went so horribly wrong, so incredibly fast. 

Please let this rescue’s experience be a lesson for you, and think before you decide to open a 501. There are laws in place, and there are penalties and punishments should those laws be broken… to say nothing of the personal loss you can expect should you be on the losing end of the deal. Your homes, your vehicles, your bank accounts, your ANIMALS….any asset you have is on the line should you violate the laws set forth by not only the state you live in, but by the federal government.

-Packwest agreed to take in 2 animals from a couple needing to rehome them in Nevada. Packwest charged the couple a $400 surrender fee, on top of $300+ for gas to drive to pick the animals up. The animals, Sylar (male) and Luna (female) were then transported back to Oregon.

*No self respecting rescue should EVER charge a rehoming/surrender fee. If my sanctuary did that, especially at $400 a pop, we would be rich with all the animals we have taken in. That isn’t how it works, that isn’t how rescue works, and its highly unethical.

-Upon returning to Oregon, the two board members stopped at a predetermined location in Oregon. The board president had a deposit down on a puppy from a local breeder, as she wanted an “ambassador” animal for her fledgling rescue. *This is especially difficult to understand…purchasing an animal *from a breeder* as the first act of a rescue organization.

-Upon arriving, there was allegedly a discrepancy on the remaining balance. The board member still owed $500 for the puppy, but didn’t have the funds. Since she had the $400 surrender fee and the $300 gas money the couple had given her, she used that money to cover the difference and purchased Ivar from that breeder, hours after ��rescuing” Luna and Sylar.

-Sylar was sent to the home of another board member, simply as a temp foster. That board member, lived in a small rental home at the time and lacked the space and containment, and should never have taken on a foster. Her situation was further complicated when she adopted her personal wolfdog’s (Kochma’s) mother, Sorsha (later named Sadira) when the breeder decided to get rid of her animals. To make things even harder, the board member and her family welcomed a brand new baby into her home and life at the same time these animals were arriving and starting to settle in.

-Sorsha, an INTACT, VERY high content, VERY unsocial animal was first penned with her son, Kochma, also INTACT. After just a few weeks, the board member rearranged them and placed Sorsha in with her foster, Sylar. *It’s important to note that these changes in housing were all taking place at the very height of breeding season, weeks after these animals all arrived, very likely playing a big role in things happening the way they did. Shortly after being penned with Sylar, and while the board member was at the hospital with the new baby, Sorsha attacked and killed the foster, Sylar, in an attack that can only be described as brutal and vicious. The public explanation given by Packwest was that perhaps wild animals got into the enclosure and killed him.

-Approximately one week later, again at the board member’s home, her personal wolfdog, Kochma, an animal she had raised since he was a pup, suddenly killed his bonded pen mate, Alora, a lower content female, who was also intact. This is especially troubling since he had never displayed any sign of aggression, and was submissive to Alora until that day. It’s important to note, in this case, that the enclosure where Kochma and Alora were housed was in close proximity to Sorsha, where he most certainly would have seen her kill Sylar just days earlier. Again, the explanation (though not public since these weren’t rescue animals) was this was likely another wild animal. Alora had retreated into her dog house to likely tend to her wounds and/or hide from the animal she once felt so comfortable with, who now wanted to kill her… it was there that she was found the next day.

-While this isn’t directly rescue related, it’s important to know that Sorsha later went after the young daughter of that board member, ripping her arms open and trying to pull her into the enclosure. I would normally not mention this, as kids are off limits, but I’m doing so with her mother’s blessing, and to make a bigger point. It wasn’t until months later that they learned Sorsha had a history of attacking children, a history not made known to her by the breeder when she agreed to take the animal.

No responsible rescue would place more on the plate of board members, fosters, adopters, or anyone, who possibly can’t handle it. But when you’re overextended and trying to do things without a plan in place, accidents happen and people and/or the animals get hurt. Packwest should never have placed fosters with that board member, and failed them and those animals. The board member should have made it clear she could not take on additional animals as well. And as a point of fact, it’s incredibly irresponsible to not only house personal animals with new rescues, but also to do so when all personal animals are intact.

-Packwest, as of May 2017, was administratively dissolved as a result of failure to file necessary documents by January of that year. Since that time, they collectively continued to raise funds for the rescue. This is highly unethical, immoral, and illegal. The board members were not aware of the suspension status, and unaware yearly tax forms were not completed. This responsibility lies with each member, and claiming ignorance is no excuse.

-Fundraising efforts included despite them no longer being a rescue, among other things, photo shoots with one of the several “ambassador” animals listed on Packwest’s web page. Those included Tsura (owned by Tracy Hawkins) Kochma (owned by Sage Bohemia Grove) and Ivar, owned by Packwest/Sarah Bartell. This is a problem for MANY reasons, least of all being the fact that they were not a charity in good standing during some of the time these shoots were being done. Another BIG issue I pointed out to them, one I have pointed out to many people over the past year or two, is USDA guidelines governing exhibition, and what you are and aren’t allowed to do with your animals

.-I spent several days sifting through all the information and trying to process it all, and decided to ask the board members what they even wanted from this “rescue.” I was shocked to learn that NONE of them actually wanted to rescue. It seemed the bigger motivation was photography, and online education… and for at least one of them, it appeared perhaps (at least from the outside) to be money.The decision to dissolve this rescue was made at my suggestion, and all agreed. One sobering thing these ladies learned, and I’m sure each will share their personal feelings on the subject, is when you claim an ambassador animal is property of a rescue, or belongs to the rescue, or was purchased for or by the rescue…. when that rescue dissolves, that animal, regardless of who payed what for it and when, will be sold as part of the asset liquidation. When Packwest board members heard that, shit got real, REAL FAST.

-We were able to work it out where nobody lost their animals, however the board president did have to pay the rescue back for Ivar, and for the right to keep him. She also reimbursed the rescue for the $2800 raised by the public for the rescue’s truck… a vehicle deemed her private personal driver since they only did 4 rescues since their inception, 2 years earlier. To put that in perspective for you, I have done 4 rescues in the last 30 days. The money from Ivar and the truck were then donated (as part of the asset liquidation) to a legitimate 501, current and in good standing, and one the board chose privately, without any involvement or input from me.

-As far as Luna… she was being fostered by the rescue’s president, at her home, until she escaped one day while the board member was gone. She was found and posted on a local pet group, and members of the PW board were quickly contacted. At this point, I had not joined up with them yet, so I was only outside looking in. I immediately began trying to contact the board member/foster to no avail.Finally, Luna was returned to her, but by then, I had had enough. I arranged for a fellow rescue friend (who had been looking to adopt a female) to take Luna in, and made plans to have her IMMEDIATELY transferred to that persons care. Luna is currently in that home, safe and loved, and to this day, her new mom has yet to receive the first piece of paper about her. No vet records, no shot records, no nothing. Packwest’s explanation? They don’t know where any of it is.

-Over the course of 2+ years, Packwest raised and spent money without any accountability as to where that money went. NO proof of purchases exists for several big items, like the truck for example. Only certain board members were granted access to the bank account, and no receipts were kept of transactions that were done. THAT IS ILLEGAL, AND A PROBLEM WHEN YOU ARE A 501c3.I asked the board (specifically the president) on numerous occasions to remove any and all Packwest references, and make it CLEAR to people that they are no longer a charity. I also stayed on her to follow up with the states of Washington and Oregon (they were registered in BOTH) to make sure dissolution documents were completed and filed as needed. She assured me she had it taken care of. I also asked her to make a public post to let people know the rescue was no longer active, and that never came either.Recently, I was informed that she was still raising money, still selling items through the website (now slightly edited to include they are no longer taking in rescues, but conveniently leaving out the part about dissolution) and still presenting herself as a charity org. After a heated exchange (mostly on my part really) she agreed to make the necessary calls to dissolve the org officially. She edited the website further, however it still does not clearly spell out that the charity is no longer active and funds raised through the online store will no longer be going towards a 501c3 wolfdog rescue, but actually to one individual person.

I have not posted this to smear these women or further place blame on them. They have been hearing me tell them how badly they screwed up for several months… most of them get it. They know how close they came to possibly losing their animals, and possibly even facing charges.

-Forms they should have filled out to start this org, they payed someone $2,000 to do it for them.

-Forms they needed to stay active and remain in good standing, never got filled out.

-Receipts were not kept.

-Money was mishandled and misappropriated

.-Records were not kept

.-People were bitten and told to lie.

-Paperwork and vet records for rescues was not kept.

-Personal animals were intact.

-A fox was sent to an illegal state, and when a sanctuary stepped up to take it, PW attempted to charge them money as well.

-Having funding and housing and caging set up BEFORE taking in a single animal in, was NOT DONE.Logic, common sense, honesty, transparency, planning, preparation…and sadly ethics…. all went out the window.I am posting this to highlight how hard it is to do this the RIGHT way. Rescue by itself is hard… but to open and run a 501c3, and keep it running, requires organization, planning, and a dedicated and qualified BOD…NOT a group of your best friends.

 Until I joined them, they had never even held a single board meeting, and didn’t even have set jobs/assignments within the board. Board members were not informed of what their president was doing, and when they were able to communicate with her, she reassured them she had everything under control. They didn’t know they were spiraling out of control quickly.

Please take a look at where good intentions can get you. Please think before you decide you want to do this, and if you decide that you do, first work with a reputable rescue in your area and learn the inner workings of 501’s. Learn the paperwork, the boring admin stuff. My dad used to always tell me that before you build a house, you have to set the foundation. If you try to skip the foundation and move on to the fun stuff, decorating, for example, all your stuff will fall down when the walls collapse, because the foundation below them wasn’t there, or was not strong enough. That analogy is true in all things, rescue included.

It is my sincere hope that this post has accomplished 3 things: 

Highlighted just a few of the hard realities behind trying to start and run a rescue responsibly;

Highlighted the absolute and unequivocal importance of preparation, ethics, honesty and transparency, ESPECIALLY when affiliated with a 501c3 dealing with animals;

Highlighted how good intentions are about as useful as good toilet paper without the proper foundation in place.

Please do not send money to Packwest Wolfdogs under the guise that it’s a 501c3. It is NOT. Please do not contact them for animals needing rescue, and please do not refer anyone to them for help…. or education. They cannot provide either. 

Thanks for reading.“

[atarahderek]

Free plot bunny to good home

Looking to rehome a plot bunny that I have no room for. Free to a good writer/artist. Must be a faithful fan of both Zootopia and Watership Down. Any takers?

Zootopia: The Mystery of the Mad Rabbit

When a mysterious entity starts wreaking havoc across the city, from minor vandalism to outright terror attacks, the ZPD calls in a consultant when it's discovered that their culprit has a criminal history across the pond. Judy is delighted to meet Esau “Bigwig” Thlayli, the chief of owsla from a tiny town in [England] called Watership down. Bigwig is less than thrilled that his work on the case is so limited, with a strict “no field work” caveat, and there's something about Judy's partner that rubs his fur the wrong way. Judy and Nick will have to learn to work with Bigwig to solve the case, before this General Woundwort stirs the city into an all out panic.

Some lines from the story...

…

Bogo: “Hopps, I've asked you to greet our consultant today in part because you and Wilde will be the ones taking his notes and investigating on them, and in part because I believe you'll be quite interested to learn you're not quite the pioneer among rabbits that you thought you were.”

…

Judy: “Oh my goodness, another bunny cop! I thought I was the first one!”

Bigwig: “Oh, well, I hope you're not disappointed. Where I come from, bunnies are just as welcome on the police force as larger mammals.”

Judy: “Disappointed? No, not at all! It's exciting, really! It means that I was right all along! Bunnies can definitely be cops. And not as an exception to some rule, either!”

…

Bogo: “You mean to tell me that our suspect is a bunny?”

Bigwig: “With all due respect, chief, it would be terribly unwise to refer to him as a bunny, or a mere mammal. He's a monster. And trust me, he takes great pride in that title.”

…

Bigwig: “Your partner...is a fox?”

Judy: “Yeah. That's not a problem, is it?”

Bigwig: “...No, not at all! It's just...highly unusual, that's all.”

Judy: “Even moreso than a bunny cop?”

Bigwig: “Very much so.”

Nick: “Well, thank you both for making me feel like a freak show. So what's our suspect's name again?”

…

Bigwig: “He calls himself General Woundwort, though his exact military history, if any, is unclear. He was a cult leader, and taking him down and rescuing his 'followers' was my first case as chief of owsla.”

…

Judy: “So, that doe you were Muzzle Timing with...is that your...wife? Girlfriend? I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry...”

Bigwig: “No, it's alright. She's...we're not together. She's a good friend. Lucy's her name. Lucy Dewfur. She's a survivor of Woundwort's cult. She's not looking for a relationship right now, as she's still recovering from what she suffered. I'd never impose on a doe like that.”

Judy: “...Oh. Well, that's very considerate of you. And I hope she's doing well.”

Bigwig: “Yes, very well. You'd like her, I think. If you ever find yourself on the downs, let me know and I'll introduce you.”

…

Bigwig: “'Out of my jurisdiction.' Why call me here, then? I didn't come all the way across a bloody ocean so that I could sit in an office and talk about a case that I have the most experience in out of literally anyone in the world! I need to be out there in the field! I have been chasing this psychopath for over a year now! Frith and Inle, why do you Americans have to be so stubborn?!”

Nick: “Well, to be fair, if we came over to your country as consultants and demanded the lead on some big international case, you'd probably have the same response.”

Bigwig: “I didn't ask for your opinion, hombie!”

Judy: “Hey! Chief, I understand that you're frustrated with the no fieldwork rule. I get it, I really do. But taking it out on my partner and calling him racial slurs is highly inappropriate, and we won't stand for it here at the ZPD!”

Nick: “Well, thanks, Carrots. I thought that name sounded insulting, but I honestly had no idea why.”

…

Nick: “Admit it, Carrots, you like that bigoted, bedheaded bunny.”

Judy: “I am a consummate professional. I respect Chief Thlayli, despite his flaws, and I assure you, I would never view him with anything less than absolute professionalism.”

Nick: “Right, right, nothing less. Buuuuut maybe something more? Hmm, hmm?”

Judy: “Can we please just focus on the case?”

…

Nick: “So this El-a-rare-rah is basically your biggest bunny folk hero?”

Judy: “Okay, first of all, it's El-ahrairah. Second, we do not call him a 'bunny.' He's a paragon among rabbits; the very first of our kind. He's the forefather of rabbit culture. To refer to him as a bunny would be like walking up to the president and saying, 'Hey, dude, what up, homie!'”

Nick: “Okay, Carrots, I'll make you a deal. I'll never call your rabbit hero a bunny again if you promise to never do whatever that was again.”

…

Woundwort: “They sent...a doe...to catch me? Heh, losing your touch, Thlayli? Have to send the does in instead?”

Nick: “Carrots, mind if I get offended on your behalf?”

Judy: “I think I can handle being offended on my own, but thanks.”

Bigwig: “And if I recall, Woundwort, it was the work of several does that exposed you in the first place. You're right, I couldn't have done it without them.”

Woundwort: “Nor without a fox, apparently.”

Bigwig: “Well...what can I say? I've learned a lot since being here. A fox, as it happens, is an invaluable part of an investigation such as this. He thinks outside the box in ways I've never even seen my old pal Blackberry do. I'm quite glad to have him here, thank you.”

Nick: “No...thank you.”

…

Bigwig: “ZedPD.”

Nick: “ZPD.”

Bigwig: “Zed.”

Nick: “Zee!”

Judy: “Okay, you two! Po-tay-to, po-tah-to! Break it up before I call Chief Bogo!”

…

Bogo: “Chief Thlayli, we truly do appreciate all your help. Thank you, from all of us at the ZedPD.”

Bigwig: (to Nick) “Ha!”

Nick: *facepalm*

Bogo: “Drat it all, now you've got me saying it! And after I spent three years trying to break that habit!”